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loudsuitlover · 4 years

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Doctor Harry XX. Buscando una Luna

A/N: This is angst. Lots.

Preview:

“What are you guys doing here? Did Harry invite you?”

“No.” I shake my head. “I didn’t even know he was here.”

“Oh.”

Adam scratches the back of his head and doesn’t know where to look at. This is awkward, especially because whatever this is, he thought Harry would invite me but instead he must have invited that girl he’s with.

I don’t even know what this party is but I already feel like Harry’s secret lover and I don’t like it. I wonder if he’d have brought Camille or whether he didn’t invite me because he’s ashamed of me. Maybe that’s it. After all, he’s six years older and our circles are very different and his friends are older and I’m just a kid and-

“Blue.” Harry’s timid voice takes me out of my trance.

“Hi.” I look down at my feet.

BLUE’S POV

Marie opens the door for me in a second. Olivia gives me a timid smile from her spot on the couch. Her dark blond hair is tied up on a ponytail and she looks fragile, as if her world could crumble if you looked to hard on it.

I want to be here for her and I need to distract myself too. I can’t stop thinking about Harry and about what happened or almost happened or what he said last night. I keep reviewing every moment we’ve had together, when I could have maybe realized that he had feelings for me or I had feelings for him.

It seems so obvious to me now. The way my belly flips when his hand touches my skin, the way I smile when his hand rests on my knee, how I let him call me Blue… I need to stop.

“Hey there.”

“Hi.” Ollie smiles. “People have been calling me all morning.”

“What people?”

“His friends.” She shrugs. “The friends I thought we had in common. They were just trying to make sure I didn’t give him a bad name.”

“They’re terrible people.” Marie frowns.

I shake my head. I guess that’s not even the worst part, the worst part is how he made her feel but I suppose having everyone being a part of it, and on his side, is not helping. To me, the most important thing is this doesn’t hurt Ollie’s self-esteem. I don’t want her to think he’s right.

“I need to get out of here.” Ollie says before she has a sip of her coffee.

“Yeah, I bet the couch has the shape of your butt now.” Marie agrees.

Olivia chuckles and throws a pillow at her.

“I don’t mean the couch. I mean here” she draws a circle in the air with her finger pointing around the room “I need to get away.”

“You could start by going out.” I shrug.

She gives me a death glare and Marie busies herself with her tea.

“I don’t want to see any of them.”

I wrap my arm around her shoulders.

“The sooner you do it, the less they’d have on you. They’re the ones who are in the wrong in here, Ollie, don’t forget it. Jack’s the one who should be ashamed, not you. You did nothing to be ashamed off.”

“I let him use me.” Her blue eyes set down on her lap. “I should have known better. It was always me caring for him… Even before we started dating, I would text him first, I was the one after him all the time…”

I sigh. I hate that she feels like this.

“I don’t think that’s true.” Marie objects. “I remember him calling you when we were together and him insisting on taking you home when we were all partying.”

“Yeah, because he wanted to fuck and I was the easy chick.”

“Do not say that.” I warn her. “There’s no such thing as an easy chick.”

Olivia’s eyes set into mine and her lips set into a thin line. Marie gets up and takes their plates for breakfast inside the kitchen.

��Did you tell Coco?”

I shake my head.

“I didn’t have the time to talk to her and I need to because she went on a date with Guido Matteoti just a couple nights ago and I know nothing about that either.”

“Matteoti?” Olivia’s eyes widen. “Is that Mario’s brother?”

I nod.

“We met him at a party. He’s nice and very good-looking.” I wiggle my eyebrows.

“Must be genetic.” She smiles. “I’m happy for Coco. She deserves that and to forget about that Chicco. He sucks.”

I chuckle.

“He really does.”

Olivia looks down at her hands on her lap again and starts fidgeting with her thumbs.

“I called Mario…” She confesses. “We talked for three hours. I told him everything.”

I give her a questioning look. What does she mean everything? Did she confess her crush?

“About Jack.” She explains, reading my mind. “I told him the whole story and he was so understanding and… Sweet.” She bites her bottom lip.

“Don’t hurt him, Ollie.”

Her blue eyes look into mine holding guilt and regret. She swallows.

“Do you think I messed up irreversibly?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you think… If I asked him for an ice-cream… He’d say yes?”

“Of course he would!” I smile. “That guy really likes you.”

“Really? And I was such a bitch to him… You know what I’m worried about? You don’t think I’m doing it in spitefulness, do you? Like because Jack hurt me… I’m trying to prove a point?”

“To whom exactly?”

She shrugs and her lips part but before she can answer someone rings the bell and we watch Marie rushing towards the door. Jason’s standing on the other side with his hands on his pockets.

“Hi, guys.”

“What’s wrong?”

Olivia sits on the edge of the couch and directs all her attention at the new guest. Looking over at Jason, I realize it’s true, something’s wrong; and I’m fascinated by Olivia’s sensor again. She can tell when one of us are down even before we ourselves can. Jason shrugs.

“Nothing important, just not my best Friday.”

“Tell us.” Ollie demands. “This is a support group. We all share.”

Jason shakes his head and gives me his best puppy eyes. Alright, this has to do with David. He’s apologizing to me even before he starts. I feel my shoulders tensing up and my spine hardening on my back. Gosh, I hate that guy.

“When you called me yesterday, I told David I wanted to come back home to be with you for the weekend.” He takes a seat on the dining table and intertwines his fingers over his lap. “I mean I think it’s pretty normal, how can someone get mad because of that? But he went crazy.” He shakes his head.

“What did he do?” I press.

Jason swallows and licks his lips. I swear to God if he laid a hand on him I’ll kill hill. I will murder him.

“God, it’s so embarrassing…” J starts. “We fought and then… We had sex.”

I frown. I mean that’s not healthy but it’s not that strange either. I remember Harry and I fucking after I threw the sweater he got me on the rubbish bin and Harry’s a wonderful man. But David isn’t.

“And?”

“And then he tied me to the bed and… Denied my orgasm and left.”

“WHAT?” Olivia stands up from the couch. “Are you being serious? How can someone do that?”

“He left you there? Tied up?” Marie’s eyes horrify. “How long for?”

“An hour…” He looks down at his lap and Maria walks towards him and wraps her small hands around his huge figure. “I… I saw it because I was facing the alarm clock on the beside table.”

“He’s sick, JJ.” Olivia wraps her arms around them both. “That son of a bitch is absolutely crazy.”

I don’t know what to say. It’s the exact same thing Javier did to me, the exact same thing. He can’t deny they’re alike now but this is not what I wanted. This is exactly the opposite of what I wanted. I wanted to protect him from this and I didn’t.

“You need to report him, J.”

“What? No.” He shakes his head.

“He’s abusing you, Jason, and that’s a crime.”

“This is not a gender violence situation, Indie. We’re both male.”

“So what? It’s an abusive relationship anyway.” My eyes fill with tears, how can he not see that? “This is not a gender situation, alright, but it’s still someone with a position of power taking advantage over someone who loves them. Jason, this is very severe. What he did this time… He went beyond the line. I know what it feels like, damn it, I’ve been there too, and I swear to God if you don’t bring this to an end, I’m killing him. I’ll go to prison if I have to.”

“It’s over, Indie.” He shakes his head. “This time… It was like he was handing me his real identity on a silver platter. I’ve been excusing him and fighting you but you were right. He’s just as bad as Javier… And I’m sorry for not listening to you sooner.”

“Shut up.”

I wrap my arms around him and his large hands manage to wrap around the three of us. I think the four of us are crying.

And here I was thinking my life was hard… Why? Because I’m falling in love?

Wait.

Am I?

“Alright” Marie gets back to her feet and wipes her tears away “enough of that. You know what we’re gonna do?”

The three of us look at her with surprised eyes. It’s never her who initiates the adventures but I’m so in for whatever it is she’s going to say.

“We’re gonna get ready, like the queens and king we are, and then we’re gonna go out and we’re gonna get drunk off our asses and-”

“WE`RE GONNA END UP IN VEGAS!” Jason yells.

Marie’s face contours in horror and Olivia throws her head back and laughs like a maniac.

“Maybe that’s a little too crazy.” Marie slows him down but he smiles. “But the Golden Girls are fucking back.”

Some hours later, we’re all dressed up and fancy making our way towards Loft 39 as if we had just come out of one of those romcoms where the main character gets a massive glow up and gets the guy. Marie’s arm is wrapped around my shoulders as we walk and before us, there’s Jason and Ollie, cursing every couple on the way.

I think it’s strange, how the tables have turned. It was usually Jason and Ollie getting the guys and Marie and me being emotional support but now, finally being all back together as usual, it turns out Marie and me are luckier on the love department. I wonder on what side Coco would stand now.

Jason does a little dance as he waits for us to hand him our coats so he can put them all on the cloakroom and I laugh. I dance with Marie and Olivia right next to the entrance of the club as we wait for Jason to be back with our tickets and I look into their eyes and I feel like I’ve missed them so much, like I’ve missed this, being just us and being together and having no worries and then I realize it.

I’ve missed this, but not in the last few months but in the last four years. I’ve missed this feeling, this… sensation that there’s nothing wrong and for the first time since, I don’t feel guilty for it.

When Jason returns, the four of us make our way to the dance floor and enjoy how empty it is. It’s early so not too many people are even in the club, much less dancing so the four of us are the kings of the party. I wrap my arms around Jason and Marie and bring them in a circle. Ollie takes the hint and leans in too.

“Guys, I know the reason we went out is a sad one” I being “but I wanted to tell you- I’m so stupidly happy.”

I’m grinning so I am not expecting their reaction as their faces turn emotional and they hug me.

I guess it’s taking them by surprise too. I haven’t said that in a while. I haven’t felt that in a while but the truth is I am happy.

Harry makes me happy and I have every right to be. It’s taken me almost four years to understand that but for the first time since he passed, thinking about Dylan doesn’t make me want to die as well. He would be twenty three years old but I’m twenty two and I know this is what he’d want for me. Sometimes I wish I could talk to him. I wish I could ask him, how is everything after one leaves this planet and how does he see me from up there. I wonder if we’d still be together now, whether we’d be friends. I wonder if he’d even like me. But I think he’d like Harry. Everybody does.

I don’t know how many drinks we’ve had because Jason keeps ordering whenever he sees one of us has ran out of alcohol but I’m so happy after all the prohibitions and every time he hasn’t drunk so he didn’t have to give explanations, he’s finally flowing and being back to the carefree Jason I know and love. He’s dancing, he’s smiling, he’s drinking and once again his strength takes me off guard. What happened to him was terrible and here he is now, as if nothing was wrong with the world. I’ll have to keep an eye on him though, he needs to go through the loss too.

I don’t want to check my phone because I’m having fun with my friends but I can’t help wondering what Harry is doing. I still hope he’ll text me to see what I’m up to and this time I’ll tell him where I am, I’ll even ask him to come over. I miss him. I like him and I want to spend time with him. That’s that.

Marie’s laughing hysterically as she tries to type something on her phone and Ollie and Jason keep messing with her. Marie’s smiling like a teenage girl too so I figure she’s texting Adam. I am happy and wary for her for she gets too excited and it’s easy to hurt her. If Adam does, I’ll ruin him.

There’s no use in waiting for Harry to text me. If Mohammed does not go to the mountain, the mountain will go to Mohammed.

Indie: Hi 😊

I stare at the screen like an idiot biting on my bottom lip but it’s only a few seconds until he’s typing.

Harry: Hi baby

Indie: Where are you?

Harry: Out

Very clarifying, yes.

Harry: You?

Indie: Out with the Golden Girls

Harry: Nice and you’re bored or what? Haha

Indie: Of course not!

Harry: Idk, it’s strange that you started the conversation…

I frown. Is it? Well, yes, it is. He’s been complaining about how cold I am since we met and he’s been about right but I don’t want to be that anymore.

Indie: Well, I miss you.

Harry’s typing… But I type before he can say anything weird.

Indie: Why don’t you come see me?

Harry: I can’t.

Great, he just rejected me. I dare to be the one initiating this for the first time and he rejects me. When have I rejected him? Never. And if I have, he has still come find me and has gotten what he wanted. I can’t believe this. I’m beyond embarrassed.

Harry: See you x

See you x? What the fuck? Why do I feel like I’m about to cry all of a sudden? I need to get away from here. I need some fresh air.

“Guys, it’s so hot in here. I’m going out to get some air.”

“Someone’s druuuuuuuunk.” Olivia sings.

Jason and her, being as drunk as they can get, laugh and dance together and Marie smiles and offers to come with me. I’d rather go alone if I’m honest, but I won’t reject her like Harry rejected me. See you x.

When we make it outside, Marie bites her bottom lip and gives me a questioning look but I just look ahead to the other side of the street. We rest our backs on the trees next to the club and my eyes drift to the place on our right. I think it’s like a property to rent for celebrations and stuff. We once saw a graduation party that went out of hand and the police ended up arresting some guys. People are crazy.

“What is it, lovey?” Marie asks.

“It’s nothing.” I shrug and shake my head. “I’m just a little drunk and overthinking.”

“Well, don’t.” She smiles. “You deserve to be happy, Indie-pixie. Moreover, I know no one who deserves to be happy more than you do.”

It’s not that… I have come to terms with that, Marie… It’s just I’m always there for Harry. When he wants me, I’m there. Yet when I want him, he’s not. And I don’t want to be the girl who always says yes, having him telling me no when he doesn’t feel like seeing me.

I look into Marie’s eyes considering whether I can confess this to her without making her hate Harry again. Of course I can, I can always talk to Marie. And I’m about to do it when I spot Harry himself behind her. He’s coming out of the reunion next door with a girl and she messes with his hair. My blood freezes on my veins. Marie tilts her neck and sees them too.

“Shit.” She whispers. “Is that-”

“Yes.” I interject.

I know she’s going to start comforting me and quite frankly I don’t want her to but before she can say anything, Adam waves his hand at her. Marie giggles like a teenager and next thing I know, I’m mindlessly following her towards the street so Romeo and Juliet can meet.

“Hi, girls.” Adam smiles and I can all but see the glint in his eyes.

“Hi.” My friend tucks her hair behind her ear and if she wasn’t so shy, I would leave already.

“Hi.”

“What are you guys doing here? Did Harry invite you?”

“No.” I shake my head. “I didn’t even know he was here.”

“Oh.”

“Blue.” Harry’s timid voice takes me out of my trance.

“Hi.” I look down at my feet.

“You look very beautiful.”

My eyes search his. That’s the best thing he can come up with? I look very beautiful? But not beautiful enough for his party, I guess. I give him a closed lips smiled and he sighs.

“How are you?”

“This is awkward.” I tell him. “Let’s not act like it wasn’t. I’m gonna go back to Ollie and Jason but you should stay, Marie, with Adam; if that’s alright with the host?”

Harry swallows and I see his nostrils flaring. Now he’s mad that I just randomly appeared here. Well, it wasn’t my intention and there’s little I can do to change my own existence.

“Blue, wait.”

Harry’s hand reaches for my wrist when I’m about to leave so I turn around and face him.

“Don’t call me that.” I can see the pain in his eyes when I take away that right of his. “You should go back to your date.”

“My date?” Tilting his neck, he gets a glimpse of the girl who was with him just minutes ago before he turns back to me and holds both my hands. “She’s my cousin, baby.”

My jaw clenches and I feel my cheeks and neck hitting up. This is the most embarrassing thing that could have happened. My eyes look into his and only then I notice he’s ashamed.

“You don’t-” I don’t know how to say this without sounding like a pathetic loser. “I just better leave. It’s okay.”

“Why?”

My shoulders tense at his question. Is he really going to make me say it?

“A few minutes ago you missed me and wanted me to go see you and now that you’ve got me here you want to run away?”

“I don’t have you here because you came to me or because you wanted to see me. If you had wanted to see me, you would have told me. But you didn’t and that’s not something I can control but I don’t want to stand here and feel like shit.”

“Why are you feeling like shit?”

“Well, you- I texted you and you rejected me-”

“I didn’t reject you-”

“Don’t interrupt me.” He nods. “You always text me and expect me to be free for you, as if I have nothing better to do than being with you, and I mean- it makes sense, I always end up doing what you want, don’t I? And for once I texted you and you just told me no. And then- And then I suddenly bump into your friend and find out you are in a fucking party right next door and you didn’t- You clearly didn’t want me here and that’s fine, you don’t need to invite me to your parties but I still get to feel like your secret sexual toy.”

Harry’s eyes look worried and confused as he just stares at me in silence for the longest seconds. I guess he doesn’t know what to say. I sigh but wait for him to speak yet he never gets to because a female voice calls his name.

When he moves aside as he turns back towards her, I see his sister on her wheelchair at the door of the building. Her brows are furrowed and her lips the slightest bit parted but her expression changes and she gives me a big smile when our eyes meet.

“Indie.” She smiles.

It surprises me that she recognized me so shamelessly. I mean I recognized her too, I’ve stalked her on social media just like she did me; yet I thought we were going to pretend like that never happened. I guess she’s just as straightforward as her brother. With her seemingly delicate hands, she pushes the wheels of her wheelchair towards us.

“You came! I’m so glad you’re here.”

I’m going to correct her but for some reason I can’t bring myself to do it. She seems genuinely happy to see me and this is somehow a chance to learn what Harry has told his family about me, if he’s said anything at all, so I look at him, somewhat defiantly, and then give his sister a pacifist smile.

“Harry’s told me a lot about you.”

I raise my eyebrows, almost involuntarily, and wish I could tell her the same.

“Would you like a drink? Maybe we can sneak you in and chat a little before Mum sees you.” She giggles.

I smile and nod. I think I like her and if I ignore what happened tonight, I want to know Harry’s family to know more about him too. I follow her inside, Harry following the two of us in silence, and the second we get through the door I see golden balloons hanging from the ceiling that read HAPPY 31ST, GEMMA.

“Happy birthday.” I tell her then.

She tilts her neck and gives me a smile.

“Thank you.”

I notice how the entire party is aimed for people to be sitting down except from the dance floor and I smile. I hope she didn’t just set a dance floor for her guests to dance but that she dances among them like the birthday girl she is. Something tells me she does, anyway, what with the way she smiles and how happy she seems.

“I’ll go get your drinks.” Harry offers.

And like that he leaves the two of us alone. Gemma stops her chair on a table near the bar and her brown eyes set on me. I sit down on the chair next to her and she gives me a grateful smile.

“Adam told me.” She explains. “My idiot brother didn’t invite you because he was convinced you were going to say no.”

I frown confused but she just shrugs.

“Has he really told you about me?”

She smiles.

“He must be such an idiot for you to doubt it but yes, he has. Not much though, don’t worry, you’re not at disadvantage because I guess he hasn’t told you much about me, has he?”

“He… He told me about the accident.”

Her eyes widen as she sets them on mine before she frowns.

“Has he?”

I nod.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable, he hasn’t told me much, just-”

“No” Gemma shakes her head “it doesn’t make me uncomfortable, it makes him uncomfortable… So it just surprised me that he would tell you of his own accord.”

“Well, he did after he knew about my boyfriend’s car accident.”

“Yeah, Adam told me.” She nods. “It must have been terrible.”

I look into her eyes. How is she, out of all people, being this compassionate about this? She’s on a wheelchair for fuck’s sake. I don’t deserve this, I don’t. I’m about to confront her when Harry sets both our drinks on the table.

“I… I don’t want to be a bother so… I’m gonna go mingle a little… I… I’m sorry, Blue. If you want to talk, you know where I am.”

I purse my lips and watch him dramatically walk away. I’m surprised Gemma didn’t stop him so I give her a questioning look and find her having a sip of her flute glass. Her eyes widen at me before she sucks her lips inside her mouth and rests the glass against her thigh.

“We’re torturing him a little, aren’t we?” She asks. “For not inviting you sooner.”

I chuckle. She’s funny.

“I really wanted him to bring you along, you know? But he was afraid he was going to scare you away, I guess.” She shrugs. “This day… Is really hard on him, that’s why I wanted him to bring some emotional support.”

I frown. How is his sister’s birthday hard on him? What does he care she’s turning older?

“When’s your birthday?” She smiles.

Much like her brother, she seems to be able to change the mood in seconds. We were just talking, with a hint of sadness, about something serious, and then she asks me when my birthday is like little kids do in the playground.

“August 6th.”

“Uuhh, summer babies are wild.”

I chuckle.

“I’m sorry, I’m a little tipsy.” She laughs along. “It’s the first time I drink in a while, you know. I’m getting married in four months and I’ve been following this crazy diet, I can’t drink, I can’t eat chocolate. I have this terrible green smoothie for breakfast. If someone asks, I say it’s good so that I don’t look like a pathetic loser afraid of overweight but it’s not good.”

I laugh and she smiles.

“You know how hard it was to find a nice wedding dress for people sitting down? They were all too long or too tight and they made these weird wrinkles on my belly when sitting down? It was hard to find a good one and when I did it was a size too small. The dressmaker said she only did one of each model and she could always make them smaller but if she didn’t have fabric enough she couldn’t make them any bigger. Once again, skinny people have it easier, I guess; but I wanted that one, I just knew it was the one, you know? Has it ever happened to you? That you’ve looked at something and said it’s that one it is no other?”

I want to tell her not with things but with Dylan. That’s the exact way I used to feel about Dylan.

“I’m sorry, I’m rambling, am I not?”

I shake my head and chuckle and she chuckles along.

“I guess these are just the kind of things I would talk about with a made of honour.” She smiles sadly. “Mine is in Nepal.”

My eyes widen and hers shut as she nods her head as if saying I know.

“She had to find herself for whatever reason the months prior to my wedding.”

We both laugh.

“I talk about this with Michal but he keeps telling me he’d marry me even if I made my way down the aisle on a bathing suit and weighing twenty pounds more.” She smiles.

“That’s sweet.”

“It is.”

As I’m casually scanning the crowd, my eyes meet with Harry’s, who quickly looks away as if my gaze burnt. I swallow and sigh.

“What is it with him?” She asks. “You guys were fighting outside, weren’t you?”

“Not fighting.” I shake my head. “I guess it’s just… Nevermind.” I chuckle.

I don’t even know what it is with him or with me or why we can’t seem to get along. But it’s like we can’t talk to one another.

“Adam told me to intervene before.” She confesses. “When you guys were outside and I just so casually appeared? Adam… Adam told me you guys were fighting because Harry hadn’t invited you and-”

“We weren’t fighting because of that.”

What is it with Adam? Why is he a part of this? He’s as nosy as Harry.

“We weren’t fighting to begin with. It’s just- Your brother says he never lies but I feel like he’s got more than one secret.”

And I don’t have a problem with him having secrets. God knows I have some too, but I don’t go around telling people I’m 100% honesty when I’m not. That’s the thing that bothers me.

“He just… He didn’t want you to get involved with our family because he thinks it’s a burden. He’s never said it and he never will but I know him and I think he’s just kind of embarrassed of me.”

I frown. Harry’s a lot of things but I won’t have his own sister thinking that little of him. I guess he really is bad at communication if that’s the idea his sister has on him when it’s nothing of the sort. It’s probably none of my business to say this but not saying it will just not be fair.

“I don’t think that’s how he feels.” I dare to disagree. “I mean- In any case, it’s me he’s ashamed of. I mean, I’m younger and a student… He might… I don’t know, this is his family. Maybe he doesn’t want them to know he’s seeing a girl.”

Gemma stays quiet but her eyes don’t leave mine and the attention she’s giving me pushes me to go on.

“He feels terrible for what happened. Maybe it’s not my place to say it but the only thing he’s ever told me about your accident is how terribly guilty he feels. He… Thinks it was his responsibility and… I get it, you know. I mean obviously it was worse for you, because you were the one who had the accident and you are the one suffering the consequences but… I’m talking from the other side. The person who lives the accident on the side of the bed. It’s hard not to feel as if you could have done something more to prevent it.”

I don’t know what has gotten into me, but maybe it’s the amount of gin I’ve had, or the realization that I might be doing exactly what I promised I wouldn’t but all of a sudden, I start feeling the weight of depression on my shoulders. It’s like I just realized Dylan existed and then disappeared and so I feel terribly guilty because even if it’s been just for a second, I have forgotten about him.

“When Dylan”

I don’t know why I’m saying this out loud, but Gemma is listening and Gemma doesn’t know this and she can’t have her own version and she can’t judge us because she doesn’t know us. And she’s been through an accident herself so she gets that part nobody else does.

“When Dylan passed away I wished I had died with him and every moment after that felt like a punishment. What happened to him… It could have been prevented. I could have-” I stop before my voice croaks and suck my lips inside my mouth trying to get the tears at bay.

I won’t ruin Gemma’s 31st birthday. This has nothing to do with her and she was cheerful and happy and all I wanted was for her to know her brother isn’t ashamed of her.

“The reason Harry hasn’t told me much about you is because it is painful for him to talk about you, not because he’s ashamed of you. I know because it’s the same for me when it comes about Dylan. Three months ago I couldn’t even say his name without crying.”

Gemma’s hand rests on top of mine. I look at our hands over the table and focus on how pale her skin is. It’s the beginning of December so naturally we’re all pale but in contrast with hers my skin looks like Pocahontas’.

“Thank you.” She whispers. “It’s a hard day for my brother but if you think he deserves the torturing, I’m all in.” I chuckle. “Otherwise, you could go talk to him. He hasn’t taken his eyes off you since you arrived.”

I look at him and catch him staring but this time he doesn’t look away. It’s me who does, because I’m not sure what I want to tell him or even do at this point, so I scan the crowd to search for Marie. I think she went inside even before I did but I haven’t yet seen her.

Before I can tell Gemma I’m gonna go look for my friend, Michal arrives and asks her to dance. She gives me a look as if she needed to ask for permission and I smile and shake my head dismissing her question and then they both leave towards the dance floor.

I take out my phone to check whether Marie texts me that she was leaving with Adam or something but there’s no notification from her. I check on Ollie and Jason through text and they send me a video of the two of them singing on top of a table at Loft 39.

“Indie”

Looking up, I see the concern on Marie’s eyes and instantly feel the worry in my own heart.

“What is it? What happened? Are you okay?”

“I need to tell you something.”

“What?”

“I’ve been talking to Adam. I know what happened.”

I sigh. I guess he’s told her about his erectile disfunction. I guess I’m supposed to act as if I had no idea about it so as to keep Harry’s secret.

“Harry was driving.”

I’m looking at her but I’m not seeing her. My breath catches on my throat, I get dizzy, I feel like I was just punched on the stomach. Harry was driving. Harry was driving and he’s had the chance to tell me. He’s got multiple chances yet he’s chosen not to.

It's not the fact that Harry was driving. It’s the fact that he claims he doesn’t lie and yet he never mentioned this. It’s really not about Harry driving but Dylan was driving too.

I need to get out of here.

“I’m going home.”

“I’m going with you.”

For the next few minutes, I work on autopilot. My feet move one after the other and the door gets closer but I am not registering or even controlling anything of what’s happening. Marie walks with me.

“Blue.”

I’m already on the street when I hear his voice and my mindless body, still in control, turns around so I can face him.

“Can we talk?”

“You were driving.”

His green eyes freeze, his jaw clenches and even though he’s right there, before me all I can see is the hospital room and Dylan’s mom crying and my own hands over my eyes.

“I-”

“And you didn’t tell me.” I cut him short. “You lied to me.”

“I- Baby, I-”

“Don’t.”

My heart is beating faster than ever. This feels like the explanation I never got. Baby, I- That’s what he would have said. Had he answered, to any of the times I had cried and screamed on his grave, he would have said baby, I… But he can’t, because he’s dead, and Harry was driving too.

“You could have- You know about Dylan. You know my last- You know he’s dead!” I’m screaming but with the tears I can’t see his reaction. “He’s dead and you- You knew how I’d feel about that and you didn’t tell me!”

I wipe the tears away from my eyes and finally see him. He’s just standing there, over a feet away from me, not making a single movement. I wait for him to speak but something tells me he wouldn’t move even if I turned around and walked away now.

“And now what?” I yell instead. “You have nothing to say to me?”

Still no answer.

“You’re telling me you lied to me, you told me about a hundred different times you never lied and you still did and then- Then I told you about how my boyfriend killed himself in a car accident and you knew how hard that was on me and you were going to let me get in a relationship with someone just like him!”

He shuts his eyes and his eyebrows furrowed. Am I troubling him? My shoulders tense, I almost set my own skin on fire, I feel the anger eating me up from the inside.

“You’re not even going to talk?”

“I would rather not talk about this now.” He says that so calmly, as if I hadn’t just yelled at him in the middle of the street and it makes me furious.

“You would rather not talk about this now? You know what? You’re right, let’s not talk about this. Now or Ever. Let’s just… This was stupid anyway so you go your way, I’ll go mine and-”

“No!” His jaw clenches.

He’s mad but I’d rather have mad Harry than the zen unaffected one.

“Stop doing that! Stop pushing me away every time it gets a little uneasy.”

“Every time it gets a little uneasy? How is this a little uneasy? This is… Low, like you. You’re a fucking jerk.”

“Can you stop insulting me? Do you like treating me like shit? Does it turn you on? I’m a fucking jerk but you-”

“Just leave me alone.”

Whatever it is he was going to say, I don’t want to hear it. Just tonight I confessed to him I felt like a secret sexual toy and I know he brought sex up now because he knew it would make me feel bad. He’s an asshole and a liar and I’ve had enough of this.

“Why can’t we talk about this tomorrow, Blue?” He brings his fingers to his closed eyes and massages his eyebrows as if I had given him a headache. “Seriously, I don’t want to talk now.”

“I said don’t call me Blue ever again and why can’t you talk now? Do you have some date to go back to?”

“Because I’m high! Goddamn it, is it so hard to see? I’m fucking high, baby.”

My eyes fill with tears once again. I can’t believe this. It’s like it’s happening all over again.

I don’t say anything more and Marie’s arm wraps around my trembling shoulders as she walks with me towards a car. I don’t know whose car it is or who’s driving or even where we’re going because I can’t seem to stop crying. I don’t even know why I’m crying but I guess it’s just all coming back again.

I was seventeen when Dylan started smoking weed. We smoked together a few times even. I remember both lying on his bed, naked after making love high on weed and on each other and talking about life and about what we fear and what we wanted. I remember him telling me his biggest fear was never becoming the person he wanted to be. I naturally asked him who that person was and he just grinned and said “that’s the scary part, Indie, I have no idea.”

But then it started being more frequent and it was like there were two versions of Dylan. There was my Dylan, the guy who would pick me up at ungodly hours just to see the different lights of the sun, the guy who encouraged me to climb to his tree house when there was no ladder; and high Dylan. And I didn’t really like high Dylan.

I tried to stop it. I tried to open his eyes, make him see that he wasn’t being himself, that he was wasting his time and acting strange and losing friends and worrying his parents but he only got defensive and I hated myself for not knowing how to handle it.

And then he drove and he was high and he died.

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ajokeformur-ray · 3 years

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Hiii, darling!💖🥰🤗 So, I took a little break from studying today (gosh, I've been feeling so bad lately, so incredibly tense, scared and panicky about my exams...) and took a walk through the zoo of my city. And look who I saw🥺

I know those aren't exactly fawns and I apologize for the pretty poor quality of the photo😅 But I was thinking of you, sweet Fawn💖💘❤ I love you so much and I really hope you are doing well and taking care of yourself! I am immensely proud of you and all you are accomplishing💜💜

(Omg I hope sending this to you worked. Somehow my tumblr is all messed up right now.... It wouldn't let me send my short video to you😭😭)

Sueeeeeeee ~ 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

OMG darling I am so proud of you for taking an extended break from studying and for giving yourself some time to breathe. I know it's easier said than done, I really do, but we're not machines or robots and we cannot workworkwork without stopping. Our bodies, minds and souls need time to recuperate and it's very important that even if we can't find the time, that we take it for ourselves. Life won't give us a break and neither will our universities, so we have to carve it out for ourselves and not compromise that time.

Everything's just a little bit easier when you know that there's a certain time of the day where everything stops (my time is 9pm, but more often than not I totally ignore myself in favour of doing more work and that's not ideal but sometimes it's necessary😩).

I'm so sorry that you've been feeling so badly recently, angel.😩You've been doing amazingly and I'm so very proud of you, as is J!!!🥰💖🌹

OMG LOOK AT THEMMMMMMMMM ~ 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭😭😭😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍💖💖💖💖💖💖💖🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰💗💗💗💗💗💗💗🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭😭😭😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍💖💖💖💖💖💖💖🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰💗💗💗💗💗💗💗🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭😭😭😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍💖💖💖💖💖💖💖🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰💗💗💗💗💗💗💗🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭😭😭😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍💖💖💖💖💖💖💖🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰💗💗💗💗💗💗💗🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭😭😭😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍💖💖💖💖💖💖💖🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰💗💗💗💗💗💗💗🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭😭😭😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍💖💖💖💖💖💖💖🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰💗💗💗💗💗💗💗🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭😭😭😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍💖💖💖💖💖💖💖🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰💗💗💗💗💗💗💗 BABIESSSSS ~ 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭😭😭😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍💖💖💖💖💖💖💖🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

I love you so much too darling hasdfghjk I'm honoured that you were thinking of me and that you sent them this picture, I keep looking at it asdfghjk they're adorable!!!💖💖💖💖💖💖I hope that you're looking after you as well, darling, you're working so so hard and I'm very proud of you and everything you're doing!!💗💗💗💗💗💗💗Thank you for your kind words and for always believing in me, angel, it means so much to me! 💜💜💜💜💜

(Oh noooooo ~ 😱😱😱😱 I'm so sorry it wouldn't sent the video over😩😩😩 Tumblr seems to be doing better with sending asks and such!💖🌹)

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zuffer-weird-girl · 4 years

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Hiiiii! Love the content on here. It’s one of my favorite BNHA blogs! If you have time, could you please write about Overhaul taking his SO on a date for the first time? Maybe Kai over does it and takes them to a really high end restaurant but his SO is barely middle class, under dresses, and very intimidated by how expensive and fancy everything is. Feeling like they don’t belong there.

You nervously patted your clothing just to prevent any possible dust to have sticked on it, Overhaul would probably be really angry if he found that, especially on something he gave it to you specific for this occasion...

It took you longer than expected to realize the young leader of the Shie Hassaikai had founf some interesting on you; actually it was rather understandable since he doesn't express anything with that face of nothing more than boreddom or irritation.

But in the other hand, bunch of people had noticed how the man looked at you with complete different eyes than normal... a certain admiration or even care expressed on the usual cold golden eyes of his.

Although... there was sometimes he was a bit... exaggerate on his way of expressing his "care".

But you couldn't help but slowly fall for this gorgeous man.

Now, you were here waiting for Overhaul to make his appearance, but when you saw him your jaw almost hitted the floor.

You knew that he wasn't a simple man at all, but you definitely didn't expect Overhaul to appear in a freaking expensive as hell black car, driven by someone else, getting out from the passenger seat.

We started well...

You already knew how he was gorgeous and magnificent but... holy shit.

Overhaul was wearing instead of his usual social black dress shirt for a white one with a black tie and to finish his open black tuxedo. His hair perfectly combed whith the usual black mask of his; it keeps away the filth don't judge him.

He was beautiful and all, but was he going to a weeding or some kind of social event instead of you guys date?

"I see that you followed my instructions." He aproached you, looking up and down at your figurine, surprisingly seeming pleased at your sign.

"Uh.. yeah. Although it isn't a bit too much for a date?" You asked with a nervous smile as he furrowed slightly his eyebrows.

"Nonsense. It's not only a perfect combination with your body and appearance in general but it's sociable acceptable. Not much, but not less either."

Was... was the first commentary a compliment?

You giggled at his actions in both disbelief and adoration at the man in front of you, while he only scoffed in irritation; hidding a certain warmth feeling in his chest and both of his cheeks at hearing that angelic laugh of yours.

"Are you going to just stand there and keeps laughing like a idiot? I will have you know I made reservations and I certainly despise being late for something." He said monotonously while walking towards the car.

"W-Wait what was that part again?" You stopped giggling at hearing that word, but your oh so sweet partner just ignored you as he oppened the door of the car.

"Come." A simple comand, but you noticed the hint of softness on his voice and couldn't help but smile.

A rather peculiar gentleman was he, but you definitely wasn't complaining the slightest.

As soon as you entered the car he close it and got on the other side pretty quickly and comanded the driver to take you two to where he planned.

You should have know...

A high class restaurant... indicated with five stars just recently.

You mentally facepalmed and instantly your cheeks went a crinson red color the moment Overhaul opened the damn car's door for you to step out.

Your chest tighten as you felt that the air in your lungs weren't suddenly sufficient at seing the huge amoint of high class people entering on that... luxurious place.

"I hope you don't bother these sick people around us. I tried to make it secluded only for us but sadly the man didn't take my offer... seriously." He mumbled while walking besides you, maintaining a certain comfortable distance.

"Wait. You can't do that with a restaurant!" You whisper yelled with wide open eyes as your mouth opened in surprise at seing the hints of a smirk behind that black mask of his even if his eyes stayed the same as always.

"Try to stop someone from the yakusa dearest. But I decided to simply let it slide... this time. I didn't want it to miss this opportunity to take you on this place."

Your heart skipped a beat at his words, so he was that serious about this, was he..?

You gulped that anxiety and nervousness down your throat in hopes it could go away... it was just a restaurant right? Just a place, nothing to worry abo-

Holy shit, how big is that chandelier on the ceiling? And there was a bunch of people playing the violin and piano on the other side of the room...

Why...?

You felt all your previous feelings coming back again, almost suffocating you at the point it was harf even to breath.

"Are you alright? You seem a little out of breath there..." Your companiom asked numbly while you yelped quietly.

"J-Just-! A little surprised at this place... it's... only high standards come in here apparently." You nervously pointed out before deadpanning at seing a couple of bunch of snobs passing by you guys front with their noses lifted up.

... gross.

He seemed to take that as a compliment as he simply hummed in agreement as he took a look at his front, where a bunch of people were sitting and eating on their neatly clean tables.

"The first time I came in here I was also shocked."

"Really? When was that, if you mind me asking?" He thought deeply for a second before he snapped his gloved fingers at remembering.

"When I was about 9 or 10 year old." You deadpanned at that.

He visited his place when he was a CHILD?! Why was he in here in the first place?! It was YOUR FIRST TIME coming to a place like this and you were already a young adult!

"Here. The waiter will lead us to our specific place." You gulped again, feeling even more nervous when walking through the bunch of rich snobs, who seemed to look you down... like they already knew.

You didn't belong in here. What the hell were you doing in here in the first place?

You need to get out... as much as it angered that you couldn't do one sacrifice for him, you needed to get out of there...

Before you could even turn away the voice of Overhaul invaded your ears again.

"Here. Just passing through this window." You eyed suspiciously before sighing in defeat... following him to the balcony of that place.

You gasped in surprise at seing a perfectly tidy table for two with even a candle holder on the middle.

Rather impressive.

The waiter dismissed himself after receiving a death glare from Overhaul, soon after the man himself pushed a chair and extended his palm at it, only looking at you expectantly.

"What a true gentleman you are!" You giggled quietly before taking a seat and waiting for him to take his as well, not missing the hearted scoff of his.

"I thought chivalry was dead now in these days." He shrugged before leaning his back a bit forward with a disinterested look but his voice was just as soft and sweet as honey.

"Well. I not a bragging man, but I certainly can say that I'm full of surprises."

You giggled again, feeling it more at ease but soon frowning slightest at seing both the menu of that place and the people on inside, who you swear were stealing glances.

"... something is wrong." The voice of his interrupted your thought before you yelped and looked at him.

"What on earth is bothering you?" For the first time you saw his expression turning into one of worry even if his words sounded a bit harsh "Didn't you found this place appealing?"

"I-Is not that!" You waved your hands in front of your body in exasperation "Is j-just..." you sighed, embarrassed of even mentioning this.

"Just..?" He lifted one of his eyebrows up.

"...Overhaul. This place is amazing and I am very grateful and honored that you invited me for a date in here." You montioned with your hand at the glorious room inside before lowering your palm with a frow on your face. "But... I am not... used to this. I'm a middle class ro low after all, so when I saw all of this I kinda panicked... and this must sound ridiculous even, but I swear I saw people inside sending judgments glares at me... like they already know that I don't belong in here, which is honestly true." You sadly mumbled the last part, catching his firm and serious gaze on you shortly after your rambling.

"It is ridiculous." He sighed while you deadpanned.

Well... at least he was honest. A bit bold and rude, but honest.

"First, its the most logical that they were looking at a man wearing a black surgeon face nask rather than yourself; second, they should keep their eyes to themselves and mind their own bussines at the first place." He sighed while closing his eyes, slightly annoyed.

You blinked at hearing his words, that actually made sense...

"Like myself." He opened his beautiful golden eyes, staring directly at yours "I keep my eyes on what only interests me or what is mine."

You blushed crinson red at his words, Overhaul wasn't a man that was good with words, but sometimes he did caught you off of guard... majority of the times.

He chuckled lowly as he looked at the color of your face changing by some words of his... fascinated.

"That blush of yours never gets old." He mused "Next time, just warn me instead of just staying in silent. Next date of ours a more simple then? I don't like crowded places anyway." He monotonously spoked, shortly half smilling at your relieved expression.

"Sounds wonderful. Although let's enjoy ourselves, since you mister, went a bit too far with your money with me... again." He scoffed at your laughing before you brought your hand to cover your mouth.

"Oh gosh did you think that they hear?" You whisper to him worriedly, receiving a eyebrow of his lifted up as response.

"If they did or not, it doesn't matter. Just focus on me for the night, just like what I'm doing."

"... you're going to leave me a mess in this place I swear." You whined while giggling as you covered your face.

He smirked at that. This was going to be way better than expected.

Bonus:

"Score for the boss!" Mimic exclaimed on the top of Chrono's head as he adjusted his binoculars.

"Be more quiet before he senses that we're here!" Whisper yelled Hari as he tried to steal a glance at the far balcony, failing miserably due to the distance.

Suddenly Mimic yelped and Chrono from the scare accidentally let both fall on the ground.

"What the fuck Irinaka?!"

"He saw us. We're fucked."

The ground started to tremble and both man cursed already knowing what was coming.

#overhaul x reader #overhaul scenario #overhaul headcanons #fanfic overhaul #overhaul #chisaki kai imagine scenario #kai chisaki x reader #chisaki kai x reader #chisaki kai #kai chisaki #mha chisaki #bnha imagine #bnha characters #bnha villains #bnha #bnha x reader #my writing #zuffer writings

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justseveralowls · 4 years

Text

Self-Validation: What it is, why it’s important, and how to try it.

I have always struggled with a pretty large need for reassurance and validation. And I am sure that other people have struggled with this as well. I spent an exceptionally long time thinking this was a mortal character flaw and something that I needed to be ashamed of. But I am starting to realize that this need is something that every human being has. The need for positive reinforcement is very well documented and crucial for a healthy self-image and self-esteem. Needing validation in itself is not bad, but the tricky part is when your only source of validation comes from other people. A way to avoid being consumed by the thoughts and opinions of others is to learn to provide yourself validation.

What it is:

As strange as the concept sounds, self-validation is the practice of being a part of your own support system. It is being able to accept your thoughts, feelings, and internal experiences and although you don’t necessarily believe everything you think, it’s giving yourself the understanding, patience, and support you would give someone else or want to hear from others.

Why is it important:

I have always hated the phrase “You are your own worst enemy,”, but unfortunately I have found this to be pretty true. We as human beings are often a lot harder on ourselves than anyone around us. This means our own thoughts and influence can have quite an impact on our feelings and thoughts and through those, on our recoveries as a whole. By using the influence for good, you are becoming an advocate for yourself, help yourself to be independent, and overall improve your self-esteem.

How to do it:

Sure it’s easy enough to yell “Validation!” at yourself in the mirror, unfortunately, it’s not quite that simple. Self-validation seems a bit daunting to approach. The next part of this post is devoted to exploring a few different ways to do this.

1. What do I need to hear

Often when we are seeking validation from other people we are hoping that they will say something or several things in particular. (How does this sound? That sounds awesome!)

A way to self validate is to ask yourself what you want to hear from someone else. Write it down and at some point say it to yourself. (Wow, my presentation sounds awsome)

If this sounds familiar, like R you did a ton of affirmation posts, then congratulations! Because Affirmations are one of the best ways to self validate!

Now initially it’s unlikely that you will believe everything you tell yourself (much like affirmations) but over time it can have a potent effect on shifting your overall mindset.

2. Stopping or changing self-deprecating words you say in day to day life:

Now, everyone makes self-deprecating jokes or comments to themselves on occasion but over time these can actually harm your self-esteem. Changing thoughts can be scary and seem daunting which is fair. But the first step is changing the words you say not necessarily the thoughts themselves. By giving yourself alternatives or reframing your statements.

Instead of saying something like: “Oh gosh, I am such a klutz I could break anything,”

Trying something like

“Oops butterfingers,” or “That’s okay, I can fix/clean that up,” or “Mistakes happen it will be okay,”

You can even use something sarcastic or comical if that’s an easier transition like “I am the epitome of grace,” or “Thank you I am here all week,”

These practices help to remove a large source of self negativity and instead give the message that mistakes and faults are okay, and not something that should result in shame.

3. Recognizing your strengths and accomplishments;

Now I am very aware of how hard this can be, but it really does make all the difference. Even tiny steps toward this are helpful (Being able to say three nice things about yourself is a good start to eventually get you to a lot more.) I have included a few methods to try.

Method One: “Me” section of gratitude journaling or just a piece of paper

On this list nice things about yourself, skills you have or characteristics that you admire in yourself. Also adding in things you are proud of is super helpful.

Method Two: Affirmation style:

Try to tell yourself when you have done something well. It doesn’t have to be in the moment, but be sure to take the time to reflect and give yourself credit for the good you did that day:

Example: “I really struggled to motivate myself for that appointment but I was very responsible and brave for going,” “I got several things done on my to-do list, I did really well.

Method Three: Challenge yourself to say three nice things about yourself/ work that you have been doing regardless of how you feel about the topic at the moment.

4. Try the “Tiny you” approach:

Sometimes you need to step back from yourself to give self-kindness or validation. I have found thinking of yourself as a young version of you or just a small child, in general, can make this easier.

Just like you wouldn’t call a young child or even your pet stupid or a failure, you as a human being deserve the kindness and patience you offer others.

Key parts of this are asking or telling yourself things like:

What do you need right now?

Are you scared? Sad? Disappointed?

Are you hungry, thirsty, tired or overwhelmed?

It will be okay, I understand that this is hard, but we just need to do *task* and then we can rest.

It’s okay to cry.

As with many of these techniques, this may sound silly, but in reality, this softens your self-talk in a way that is firm but kind much in the way of an ideal guardian would for a little kid. (Parents, those who regularly interact with kids, and Systems with Littles will probably understand this technique most.). This does not mean allowing yourself to throw a tantrum or be ruled by the part of you who still wants to draw on the wall (although both have its place) but about recognizing that your needs and emotions deserve to be taken just as seriously as someone you were caring for.

This process of learning self-validation, like almost every therapeutic thingy, like almost every therapeutic thingy, this process doesn’t happen overnight, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth your time. I am not a therapist, just a humble psych major on the recovery path, but this genuinely has helped me. I am far from done getting myself to be able to do all these things (my partner still catches me self-deprecating and makes me say five nice things about myself). That said, feel free to try anything in this post or ignore it and go about your day.

Everyone’s journey is different I just thought this could help some humans out. You are doing great stay strong and keep fighting. You are not alone. doesn’t happen overnight, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth your time. I am not a therapist, just a humble psych major on the recovery path, but this genuinely has helped me. Feel free to try anything in this post or ignore it and go about your day. Everyone’s journey is different I just thought this could help some humans out. You are doing great stay strong and keep fighting. You are not alone.

Thanks for sticking around to the end of the post,

R and J

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unexcusable · 5 years

Text

Druck translation 97

Hanna and Jonas?

Hanna: And then? Mia: He left.

H: And is it over, for good?

M: What about you? H: Ach.. everything as always. Jonas blocked me on Insta. M: But not because you were at Sam's party, right? H: Yes. M: He really doesn't have any right to tell you what to do. H: Yeah, I know. He has to get it together. M: And we have to stop occupying ourselves just with guys. H: Are there more important topics? M: We really wouldn't pass the Bechtel test. That's a test that tells you whether a film is misogynistic. In most movies, women speak – if at all – only about men. H: Well, men are interesting beings. Does that mean I'm not allowed to ask you anymore, about Alex and you? M: No, you have to ask me something about politics, sports, or science. H: Okay. What do you have in German? M: Fourteen. H: How do you manage, next to all this cr*ap, to write good grades, too? Bye..

Jonas: Hey, good, yeah..

Hanna: I heard you got zero points? Guy: Do you still need this? Jonas: Eehh.. yeah, it's okay, thanks.

I had no idea that I was such a nerd.

H: What? J: Yeah well if this is going around as news.. H: Why (do you say) you "were" a nerd? J: Nerds don't write three times zero points. H: What? Where else? J: Biology and history. H: How does one get zero points in history? J: Unexcused absence?

H: Can we talk about something else for a sec? J: No, I have to finish this.

J: Is this correct? Crazy. Maybe it's not so bad that you don't copy from me anymore.

So, what do you wanna talk about Hanna? H: The thing is.. I noticed you're not doing well. And I feel responsible for you, somehow. J: But you're not. H: I know. But can you please not try to handle everything on your own? Matteo is also worried. J: Well then he should talk to me and not to you. H: He says you're excluding him.. J: The guy just needs a girlfriend so that he doesn't annoy me so much anymore.

J: Anything else? H: You blocked me on insta? J: Yeah, I wasn't feeling like seeing you with that fool. H: Gosh, Jonas. There's nothing going on with Sam. I just talked to him. J: Hanna, do what you want. H: I want to be friends with you. But that's not possible, right? Okay.. J: This equation doesn't make any sense, by the way. H: Shit. Wouldn't have been so cool if it had been right. J: I was a little impressed there for a moment.

Teacher: Good morning.

#druck #druck translation #druck-translation

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darlingpwease · 8 months

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Ah, yes, of course of course~~ /t not here, duh /j You said we'd have to describe ourselves right?? (Something among those lines ig shdhsk) I never know how to do that well so I decided to watch you be cupid for others lol

Oh? 🧐

Everything >:))) /j /nsrs Whatever your willing to share <33 /affectionate I was just curious on what you think ur characters would be

-panna cotta

of course, honey🙄😒 /bullying a little<3 /affectionate so you're not at war anymore? are you just ignoring parental responsibilities???🤨 I can throw you a small template, you fill it out and I will write for you<333

I'm shipping my little blorbos with me<333 I'm ideal partner, after all~ /hj /serrrrrrrious<334

I like your idea, in fact, I'll have to write "dove i ship you with" <3333 hehe~ kith kith<3 /affectionate /oh gosh stoooppppp being such a tsundere and just say what you love me🙄 gosh😒

#[📂] — voice from under the bed #❖.my jewelry #✮.panna cotta <3

0 notes

onceland · 6 years

Text

Once Upon a Time stars Ginnifer Goodwin and Josh Dallas talk the end of an era

Josh Dallas stands in front of a massive war room table, his Prince Charming rallying the troops in a last-ditch effort to prevent a great evil from stealing their happy endings. A combination of old guard and new from Once Upon a Time’s seven-season run sits before him.

“A new generation has joined the fight,” Dallas says in his most Charming tenor, nodding in the direction of Alice (Rose Reynolds), Robin (Tiera Skovbye), Henry (Andrew J. West), and Ella (Dania Ramirez). “Enemies have become friends,” he continues, looking to Regina (Lana Parrilla) and Zelena (Rebecca Mader). Charming concludes by addressing the presence of Wish Realm Hook (Colin O’Donoghue) as a new friend who feels like an old one. Once Upon a Time is days away from completing production on the final episode of the series, but everyone has gathered for his and real-life wife Ginnifer Goodwin’s final day on set.

The moment is charged as Charming reveals they’ve uncovered final villain Wish Realm Rumplestiltskin’s (Robert Carlyle) ultimate plan. Goodwin’s Snow White signals the Black Knights to bring in a stack of personalized storybooks — but so does Charming. They’re both trying to have their characters take the lead. When Dallas also does the signal during their third take of the scene, Goodwin can’t help but break character, ribbing her husband: “You can’t not do that, can you?” Mader cuts in with a laugh: “That’s called marriage.”

While OUAT has depicted Snow and Charming’s epic love story since the show’s launch in 2011, fans also got to watch their portrayers fall in love. The duo, who began dating while filming the show, got married in April 2014. They welcomed their first child a month later and their second in June 2016. Though Goodwin and Dallas left the show at the end of season 6, the two will return for the upcoming series finale, which airs over two weeks starting this Friday and concluding May 18. EW hit the set on the couple’s final day of filming to talk about the show’s legacy. [Editor’s note: The interviews took place separately, but were stitched together.]

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: As you head into your final day of production, how are you feeling right now? GINNIFER GOODWIN: Oh my gosh, I’m a mess. Leaving a show was a really tough decision, but one that we spent years making. … It involved a lot of discussing child rearing with our showrunners, because we really wanted to be spending more time with the kids. We really needed to start Ollie in school — we had gotten him into a school in Los Angeles. But anyways, we had decided that that was what was best for our family. Though a difficult decision, it was one that we were very confident about. We left celebrating. I realized in coming back and having had the show decide to tell its final story in this final episode, that I had always counted on this show as being here — I always counted on my being able to return, sort of like when we all go off to college, we know that home is still home. Now knowing that home is being obliterated, as it were, that the sets will be torn down, I’ve been really overly emotional. I have been crying for the past 24 hours. It doesn’t help that the scenes, of which we are part, are classic Once Upon a Time scenes. They’re inspiring. The word “hope” is batted around an awful lot, so it is very nostalgic feeling. I’m definitely mourning the loss. I wish that it could just go on forever and that we always knew that it would be here when we’re homesick.

JOSH DALLAS: It feels surreal to be back, but also wonderful. I’m so grateful that I was part of the fabric of Once Upon a Time, a show that seemed to touch a chord in so many people and had a fan base that is so passionate, so smart, so vocal, and so willing to go along on the ride with us. It will always be a great thrill in my life that I was part of Once Upon a Time, and I got to play this character, and hopefully show a different side of this character to people, and show you things that you didn’t know about him. And hopefully, the show inspired. It’s a show about hope and it’s a show about how it’s your actions that define who you are. You’re not either all good or all bad. It’s about your choices that make your character. Saying goodbye to it is bittersweet, but I’m so grateful.

Ginnifer, what does it mean to you to have had a strong female character like Snow White brought into a new era? GOODWIN: It’s amazing that, honestly, these guys wrote a truly female-driven show. I mean, they began years before we joined the fray in 2011. It was instrumental then in my choosing to take part. I was coming off of a female-heavy show [Big Love]. I was coming off of a show that was written in which the roles for women were very strong, but to come on to a show that was female-driven, and by the way written by men, was important to me. The way that women were depicted in this show, it was brave of the men to write them so bravely. It’s wild to me, also in the current climate, in talking about television, that it hasn’t been highlighted that Once Upon A Time has always done this. [Showrunners Adam Horowitz and Edward Kitsis] both come from very strong relationships with very strong women. Those have been definitely celebrated on screen in their writing.

Can you talk about the oddity of playing Jennifer Morrison’s mother for years when you’re basically the same age? GOODWIN: Yeah, I know. There’s always sort of this safety net of, “We are fairy-tale characters, and therefore we are ageless.” Colin’s character, Hook, is supposed to be — I don’t remember how old — hundreds of years? Rumple is hundreds and hundreds of years. In that way, in justifying it in character, it’s always sort of made sense that we could be so similar in look and in spirit. As an actor, we’ve only really felt old in realizing that this next generation that we’re representing today really did graduate from college like a minute ago, like they really could be our children. That’s what’s made us feel old.

And Josh, what has it meant to you to play Prince Charming? DALLAS: It’s meant everything to me. It changed my life as well as other people’s lives, our fans’ lives. It’s meant everything to me. It did change my life and helped create my family, my own family at home. Like I said, I’m just forever grateful to be part of it.

What do you think it was about Once Upon a Time that made it last this long? GOODWIN: The show is so optimistic, while being really realistic. These characters were all extraordinary, but we can see ourselves in them. I think that the part of us that wants to escape, can. We can disappear into their stories. I feel like everyone can find not just one, but probably several characters that they relate to, and whom they would want to be. But at the same time, these characters are really flawed and messy. I think that their feelings are so universal. Yeah, it’s that relatability. I love extraordinary stories that are full of really relatable characters. Who knew that fairy-tale characters could be relatable in any way?

What do you think Once Upon a Time’s legacy will be? DALLAS: I think it will be a show that preached hope. I think that’s the legacy.

GOODWIN: Oh my gosh. Well, I like to think that it was the first of its kind. At the time that we made the pilot, no one was doing anything like this. And I feel like it even pre-empted the swashbuckling princesses on the big screen. It was so new. And I hope that it’s remembered as being groundbreaking. And I hope, as we’re discussing, that it’s remembered as being representative of the strongest kinds of complex and beautiful women. And I hope that there is enough love for the show that we do reunion specials along the way.

What was the most poignant fan interaction you’ve had because of this show? DALLAS: There really has been so many. I’ve been so humbled and grateful that there have been so many. Many people coming up saying how Once got them through a rough time or how it inspired them to love better, to hate better, to do everything better, and to know that they’re not alone. I’ve heard that from several different people. Those are always memorable.

GOODWIN: I feel like, more than it being about anything that’s been said, having fans not just come to Comic-Con, but show up in Vancouver on location dressed as our characters, has been truly amazing to me. They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, and the fact that people relate to it to that extent I find to be powerful. The show’s been fun, and it has been meaningful to me because of what I’ve gotten from the scripts, and also because of the relationships that I have formed on set. The fact is that my entire real life has blossomed because of this show. Early on, to see that the show meant that much, that people went to that extent in representing the characters, made me really take what we’re doing here more seriously. And then, I could not respect more that the creators also took that seriously and really have listened to the fans over the years, and really have written the show for the fans. I don’t think I’ve ever been part of something where there was that kind of focus. I mean, there’s always been a need, obviously, to draw in viewers. And I don’t mean monetarily, I mean just in general what we do, we want people to need us. We need to be needed. But to have a show that’s written on or of the public, I find to be really special.

Do you have any regrets about leaving the show when you did? DALLAS: No. None at all, none at all. It’s always worked out. It’s worked out the way that I hoped it would. I’m forever grateful for our time on it, and when we left, it was time. It was time for us to go.

How would you describe the finale and how it compares to past OUAT season enders? DALLAS: The series finale compared to all the other finales is special because it is the last one, and it’s emotional like true Once Upon a Time style, but it’s also satisfying because it again comes full circle and ties everything together. I think it will leave our viewers and our fans so happy that they invested their time and their hearts into watching our show.

GOODWIN: I will say that, for the Evil Queen, there is a definitive change in this episode in what she really reveals she has learned, what she has taken to heart. I find it to be so powerful that I cried. That’s part of why I cried all through yesterday.

What brings Snow and Charming back into the fold? DALLAS: They get a message that Henry is in a tight situation and needs some help, so they do what any great grandparents would do that know how to use a sword and a bow and arrow, and they come to help out. They come to help out and rally the troops.

GOODWIN: I will say that I don’t really know what they’ve been up to. I mean, they’ve been in retirement. I think there have been a lot of lazy Sundays. What we do see is longer Snow hair. We don’t really know what has happened to them, but we know that they have gotten the message that they are needed, and they have answered the call.

How do you feel about the ending for your characters and how it comes full circle to the beginning of the series? GOODWIN: The pitch for the whole show was, “What would a world look like in which the Evil Queen got her happy ending?” And we feel that we’ve finally figured out what that would look like. Josh and I talked in the few minutes we were still awake after yesterday, we talked and talked about what an honor it was to be part of her happy ending. It was beyond satisfying. It was emotional, it was thrilling. It was dreamy. It’s where we always hoped it would go, but it has taken the Evil Queen … like her journey has been so dramatic. That circle has been so dramatic and she’s gone so far, she’s grown so much, that to see the fruits of the writers’ labors was really satisfying. I can’t imagine the fans won’t gobble it up.

DALLAS: It was really emotional, actually. The story began with Snow and the Evil Queen and Charming. We’re ending it with Snow, the Evil Queen, and Charming. The idea that Regina gets her happy ending is really emotional, that it’s finally come full circle, [it shows that] you just gotta keep at it and you have to keep believing.

GOODWIN: I love that the ending is open-ended. I feel that even our coming back just exemplifies the fact that nothing is ever over. Despite my devastation that we are ending the show in general, I do feel like we’re leaving it in a way that we could do those specials we discussed, that we could come back in five years, in 10 years, and revisit this. I fantasize about a special miniseries we could do — streaming, I don’t know. I think the revisitation is appropriate. This is the epitome of a Once Upon a Time episode, this is an old-school, nostalgic Once Upon a Time episode.

Can you talk about the importance of sending a message that anyone can get a happy ending? DALLAS: I think it’s so important to send that message, particularly in this day and age when we have so much negative-seeming in the world, and to know that you do have a second chance, that you can have redemption, is super-powerful. I think if you go through life and you don’t believe you can do that, it’s pretty bleak. I feel like Once Upon a Time can shine a little bit of lightness in the dark.

GOODWIN: I just know it to be true. I am dead-certain that Snow White is right, that hope is the magical ingredient in the potion. That is, everyone can find love, everyone can find happiness. Dreams are achievable. And the hope speech in the pilot, Mary Margaret’s hope speech, was what sealed the deal for me in the first place.

What are you doing to take away from this experience? DALLAS: Total gratitude.

Do you have a different affinity for fairy-tale characters after your experiences on OUAT? GOODWIN: My fairy-tale affinity/Disneyphilia is probably a bit stronger. It was part of the appeal in the first place because I love that whole world, these whole worlds. But yeah, I would say that it definitely hasn’t burned me out, it’s definitely fed the addiction.

If you could open up a new chapter of Once Upon a Time 10 years later, what would you want it to be about? GOODWIN: Yes! Well, we’ve been joking about the line Charming has today about the new generation that’s joined the fray, and we do have an opportunity, because of our agelessness — though it has made us feel very old today, that line. I’d like to think that we would be able to because all of the realms represent generation after generation after generation of magically infused beings. Yeah, just keep introducing more. I mean, I would love to have Snow White come back and fight alongside her great-great-granddaughter.

DALLAS: I hope there’s more adventures. I hope there’s just more adventures and these characters still keep trying to figure life out. I think that never ends for anybody, not just these characters, just anybody. You’re always trying to figure it out. I hope they still are pushing forward and they’re still growing and they’re still going on adventures.

You both have pilots in contention for the fall — Josh on NBC’s Manifest and Ginnifer on ABC’s Steps. GOODWIN: Yes, I cannot leave the Disney company, obviously. I did a play after we wrapped last year, after Once Upon a Time wrapped. And then my husband and I both took the fall off, and the winter, and we both just shot pilots, and mine is again with ABC. This one shoots in Los Angeles, which was the vital thing for us as a family in terms of keeping our kids in school, and why we left the show last year in the first place. So yes, ABC found for me yet again a magical life on another ABC show.

Once Upon a Time’s series finale will air over two weeks, kicking off this Friday at 8 p.m. ET and concluding Friday, May 18, at 8 p.m. ET on ABC.

#ouat #ouat spoilers #7x22 spoilers #ginnifer goodwin #josh dallas #s7 spoilers

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justpeachyshua · 6 years

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part time

pairing: joshua x female reader characters: joshua hong, kwon soonyoung rating/warnings: teen+ for language; no warnings au: convenience store workers, college/university word count: 4,549 summary: “Working at a convenience store is about as easy a job as you can get. People come in and out, stopping on their way to bigger and better things, getting gas or food. Never did I think that working at a job like this could be remotely fun. Not until I began working alongside a guy so gentle, thoughtful, and oh so gorgeous. The only thing is, I don’t know his name.”

note: hey guys!! this is my first one shot and svt fic in general, so i hope you enjoy it! i am fairly new to the fic community on tumblr, though i’ve had my ao3 account for a while and i’ve been working on a the boyz chat fic on there. i decided that i wanted to try to open up a tumblr dedicated to one shots and shorter fics and other things about my faves, so here it is! just about everything i post here will be on my ao3, but i might include some bonuses or extras here. anyways, on to the fic!

Locking my phone and tossing it onto my bed, I let out a groan at the realization that this night would truly be one of the most boring nights of my life.

“I need you and the new guy to watch the store tonight. I’ve gotta take my son to the orthodontist at 5 and I don’t think I’ll be back in time to close the store. It’ll just be a few hours so I hope you guys don’t burn the place down.”

While in the middle of an intense Mario Kart race with my roommate, Soonyoung, I received that text from my boss and almost immediately wanted to fling my body into the sun. After quickly collecting myself and sending a polite yet casual response saying that of course I’d look after the store and of course I’d try to stay out of the break room and of course I’d be sure to card anyone looking to buy liquor and just about every precaution I could imagine, I settled back into my spot on the floor.

“Work?” My roommate muttered, eyes unmoving from the TV.

“Yeah,” I sighed. “He wants me to come in tonight because his son has an appointment. I guess we have to cancel movie night.”

“This is the third night you’ve cancelled though!” He set the controller down after finishing in 8th place. “Can he get off your ass? I swear you’re always out working.”

“Well, I mean, if it wasn’t clear from the fact that our fridge contains only juice boxes, milk, leftover pizza, and half a container of butter, we need money.”

He chuckled, turning the Wii and TV off. “Fine, fine, go. But bring me back some ice cream, kay?”

“I’m not gonna steal from the store just so you can have some mint chocolate chip ice cream.” I checked my phone and saw that it was already 4:30, then grabbed my coat and headed for the door. “Nice try, though.”

Soonyoung called out to me, stopping me before I left. “Wait! You gotta promise me you’ll actually talk to that guy today, okay? It’s been weeks.”

I rolled my eyes. “Sure, sure. I’ll try. Just go back to playing Mario Kart and let me go to work.”

As I made my usual trek to the bus stop headed for the store, I thought about Soonyoung’s words. There was, indeed, a new guy at the store and a fairly cute one at that. He had joined as the only other employee just a few weeks ago and was still a bit inexperienced and shy. He never spoke much in the store other than simple greetings and questions like “Have you stocked the chips yet?” and “Do you have the key to the cigarette case?” Still, he was definitely a nice guy. Whenever he could, he did a little extra cleaning and always made sure that his area of the store was completely organized before clocking out.

Even though we’d been coworkers for a while, we still hadn’t properly introduced ourselves to each other, partially because the store was so hectic the day he joined, what with our boss’s wife going into labor with their second kid that day and leaving the store in our hands for the first time. Since then, there just hadn’t been a good enough moment to ask without it being awkward. I liked to speculate what his name could be, especially when I brought the subject up with Soonyoung. While I thought he looked more like a Tae, Soonyoung stood by his belief that he was a Jae, especially after getting to see him in person while visiting me at work.

“Even if he isn’t a Jae, I’m telling you he’s a J guy,” Soonyoung stated with confidence and a mouthful of cookie when we got home that day. “I can feel it in my bones. Like a sixth sense or something.”

“I think that’s a sugar high, Soonyoung.”

Whether or not Soonyoung’s “sixth sense” was anything to go off of or not, I did feel the urge to finally start talking to this kid. Surely Soonyoung was tired of hearing me talk about how this guy was “pretty cute” and nothing much else so, if not for my sake then for his, I decided I would learn more about this kid. It definitely had nothing to do with the fact that I had to prove to Soonyoung that I was right about his name and it most definitely had nothing to do with the fact that any moment in the store not spent lazily milling around was spent staring and daydreaming about him. Absolutely not.

The bus ride to the store took only about 25 minutes, so I entered with a couple of minutes to spare which I used to scan for the best spots I could stock while avoiding the most customers later on. Mr. Han, the boss of the store, interrupted my search, telling me to put my vest on so he could go. I heeded his words and headed to the back of the shop where we kept employee goods like an old TV and DVD player and a couple snacks. The new guy was already there, sliding his own vest on and staring down at his phone. Without a word, I grabbed my vest and quickly went back out with the new guy trailing behind me.

“Alright kids, you pretty much already know how to run the store. I won’t be back for the rest of the night, but be sure to lock up before 10:00. I don’t want to keep you guys here for too long on a Saturday night and there shouldn’t be too many customers anyways.”

We nodded along.

“Well, I’m off. Good luck and make wise choices!” He waved goodbye as he let the glass door shut behind him, the sound of the chimes above trailing off as well. Almost immediately, we went to our usual posts - me by the register and him milling about the aisles. We were completely silent for the most part. We stayed to ourselves, like usual, letting customers flow in and out every few minutes and attending to them as necessary. The store wasn’t particularly busy, though we were kept working long enough that we still hadn’t found the time to say a single word to each other by the time the clock struck 6:10, about an hour later.

I swiped the credit card of the last customer in line and handed him his bag of snacks. As he walked away, I was worried that another customer might enter and delay mine and the new guy’s introductions - maybe even causing me to lose the opportunity altogether - but no one came in. The store was quiet for a minute or two then. Awkwardly quiet.

With nothing to do, I realized I had my chance to talk. “So… what’s up?” I clumsily sat on the wooden stool behind me. Smooth...

I watched as the new guy paced around, poking at the shelves of ramen and mac and cheese. His long sleeve shirt wasn’t quite his size, so his sleeves came up to his palms as he extended his hands to the various boxes thoughtlessly. It was honestly pretty charming. “Not much. Missing out on a couple boring documentaries at home, but otherwise not a whole lot.” He picked a box up, shifting it around. “You?”

“Well, I could be with my roommate watching shitty horror movies and playing video games, but instead I’m here watching the store with some guy.”

With a box of Kraft in hand, he clutched his chest. “Just some guy? I’ll have you know I have a name.”

I smiled at his attempt at humor so early into the conversation. “I’m sure you do. But do you even know mine?” He looked down at the Kraft box as though it would give him the answer. “Ah, so you don’t.”

“I mean, neither of us has really asked,” he pointed out.

“Fair. Well, guy, I’m Y/N.” I stuck my hand out across the counter, which he strided over to in order to complete the handshake.

“Well, Y/N, I’m--”

“Mommy, can I get the Oreos?!” We both turned our heads towards the door which had just begun to chime at the entrance of new customers - those customers being a couple and their daughter. The mom looked stressed, the daughter hyperactive, and the dad fairly indifferent.

The mom grabbed the daughter’s arm, leading her away from the snacks aisle. “No, sweetie, we’re only going to be here for a short time, okay?” The little girl huffed and continued to tug at her mom’s arm.

The dad approached me and calmly asked where the bathroom was. I pointed him past the ice cream refrigerator and he briskly walked away. I made eye contact with the new guy once he left and shrugged my shoulders before walking around the counter to “inspect” some of the bottles of nonprescription medicine. Soon enough, the little girl was making another fuss, this time stamping her feet on the ground as she begged her mom for the Oreos. Among the loud shouts from the girl and the sound of little boots hitting the floor, the mom was clearly trying to quiet her down. This quickly proved to be unsuccessful when the loud thud of a large box falling resounded throughout the store, immediately followed by the sound of small items scattering across the floor. I rushed over to the aisle the two were walking through and noticed the jumbo box of cereal spilling out and the mother holding her daughter up off the floor.

“I am so so sorry! I was trying to take her away from this aisle and she pulled the box down. Oh my gosh, I am so sorry, I’ll clean it up.” The mother began to profusely apologize, her daughter sitting in her arms looking passive.

“It’s alright, don’t worry about it.” I politely smiled, already reaching for the broom and dustpan in the corner of the store and beginning to sweep up the colorful pieces of cereal. “It was cheap anyways,” I reassured her.

She ran her free hand through her hair in frustration and took out her wallet. “I’ll pay for it up front, I promise. I feel so bad for making you sweep this up.” She rushed to the front counter and the new guy quickly met her there, ringing up the price of the cereal and accepting her payment. As I finished sweeping up and hid the cereal box where I could find it later and reminded myself to check the seals on the other boxes, I watched him carefully count out change for the mom. His hands lingered over the tray in the register and delicately picked out the appropriate coins before he handed them to her, letting them fall from his fingers.

He walked around the counter and plucked a lollipop from a display we had set up, bending down and handing it to the little girl. She immediately quieted and a grin spread across her face. “I know it’s not Oreos, but, in my opinion, they’re just as good,” he smiled. He looked up at the mom standing beside her. “Ah, don’t worry. These things have basically no added sugar in them, they’re as clean as you can get them.”

The mom gave a tired smile. “Thank you so, so much. Again, I’m sorry for causing you two any trouble.”

“It’s no problem at all!” He beamed. He looked down at the little girl again. “Now, make sure you thank your mom for letting you keep the lollipop, okay?”

The little girl nodded enthusiastically in response and her father finally returned from the restroom and thanked us. As they left the store, the girl turned back and waved. “Bye bye, pretty man!”

I scoffed as I tried to hold in my laughter and I could see the new guy’s eyes widen in shock, caught off guard by the innocent compliment. I walked back over to the counter and perched myself onto the stool again. “I hope you know those things are packed full of sugar and preservatives.”

He sighed while he watched the chimes above the door slow to a halt. “I know. I just told her that so she wouldn’t get too upset over the lollipop. It’s pretty clear that girl wasn’t going to stop without getting some kind of candy.” He rused.

My eyes traveled over to the chimes as well. When they finally fell back into place, I looked back at him. “I see you’re good with kids.”

“I guess I am. I mean, back home I used to babysit the neighborhood kids a lot so I guess I just got used to being around children.”

“And where’s back home?” I inquired, leaning my elbows on my knees.

“Los Angeles. Cali boy in the flesh,” he gestured over himself.

“L.A., huh? That’s kinda fancy.” I looked him up and down. “I mean, now that I really take a look at you, I can totally see it.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean the carefully-messy hair, the ripped jeans, the sun-tanned skin, just the way you talk - it’s sooo ‘Cali.’” I put air quotes around the word, mocking his use of it.

He stood up straight, making himself just taller than me when sitting on the stool. “You know, I bet you’ve never even been to California.”

I sat in thought for a second before hopping off the stool. “Hmm, you’re right. I haven’t. But that doesn’t mean I don’t know how L.A. boys act. I’ve done plenty of research.” I wandered the store again, eyes traveling over various sweets.

“Research?”

“You know, movies, shows, dumb YouTubers with cult followings, good sources,” I joked.

He chortled. “Oh, please. I promise I’m not like that.”

“Mmhmm, we’ll see. Next time I see you, you’ll have dropped a diss track on Soundcloud and I’ll have to pretend like I don’t know you, right?” I called back at him as I pulled a bag of cookies off the shelf for myself.

“Yup, and it’ll be entirely about you. I’ll be dropping hot bars on how the girl at the convenience store’s been taking shots at me,” he played along.

“See, the sad part is I can totally see you doing that.” I walked back towards him, opening the bag and pulling a chocolate chip cookie out. “Want one?”

He nodded, taking the cookie out of my hand and making me realize just how cold my hands were in comparison to his which were incredibly warm. I don’t know what I was expecting, but the warmth of his hands seemed right considering how warm he looked. A warm sweater, warm brown eyes, warm laughter, warm smile on warm pink lips. His lips, when I looked at them closely, were really endearing, curling up at the corners like a kitten’s. Seconds passed and I realized I had been staring for far longer than acceptable.

Looking away, I stuttered, “So, uh, what do you do? Besides work here, I mean.”

“Well, I go to university, study, and attend parties I shouldn’t really go to.”

“You local?”

“Actually, I go to Korea University.”

“Are you a genius? How the hell did you manage to get into KU?” I gaped.

He shrugged. “Just worked hard to get where I wanted, I guess.”

“Are you in any clubs or anything?”

“Hmm, not really, but I play music with friends every now and then. Nothing serious, just casual gigs at house parties.”

“What do you play?”

He hesitated quickly before settling on his answer. “Just guitar.”

I quirked an eyebrow. “Just guitar? I doubt that.”

“I sing too, sometimes.” I began to speak when he interjected, “I’m not gonna sing now, though. Not happening.”

I snickered. “I wasn’t going to ask that, actually. I was gonna ask if you’d take me to one of those house parties. For the experience, you know.”

He looked taken aback by my question and took a moment to think before responding, “I’ll consider. I don’t even have a way to reach you, though.”

“Is this you asking for my number?” I joked.

“Is this you suggesting that you’d give it to me?”

I looked up at him, seeing his eyes move around the room in what seemed to be nervousness. They landed on me for a moment and I swore I saw a hint of uncertainty in his look.

“Are you flirting with me right now?” I stepped closer to him.

“I-”

The light sound of the storefront chimes sounded again. My eyes cast down and I took a step back. I could vaguely hear him mumble a frustrated “Again?” under his breath before he stepped out from behind the counter, changing face to become the polite store employee he normally was. I turned to see who was entering the store and saw a group of about seven teenagers flooding in through the door. I sighed and took my spot behind the register, disappointed at the lost moment.

The kids wandered about the store in their little group and chattered to themselves. After a couple seconds, I pulled my phone out and began scrolling through Twitter to pass the time. Soon enough, someone was standing in front of me and I looked up to see one of the kids, a girl with clearly bleached hair.

“How can I help you?”

“Can I get a pack of Marlboro Silvers?” She asked, looking me in the eyes.

I furrowed my brow. She was clearly a high schooler, probably not older than a junior. “I’ll need to see some ID.” She swiftly pulled a card out from her pocket and handed it to me. Upon close inspection, I saw a small corner of the card peeling up. I ran my finger over it and put two and two together: it was a fake ID, and a poorly made one at that. I quirked an eyebrow and slid the card over to her. “I can’t get that for you.”

“I think you should take a better look at it.”

“You should get a more convincing ID before you suggest that.”

She huffed and angrily took the card back. I rolled my eyes as she walked back to the group, shaking her head. Mr. Han had advised us to ID everyone but I didn’t think anyone would actually try to buy cigs illegally. It just seemed dumb, walking up to a store clerk as if you aren’t obviously an acne-sprouting teenager and trying to convince them that you’re a legal adult. But then again, people do dumb things to get what they want all the time.

I looked around the store. In the corner, the kids were looking through various refrigerators, picking out sodas and ice creams. Just a few feet away, the new guy stood, wiping down some of the refrigerator doors that didn’t need wiping down. I could tell he was just giving himself something to do while those kids were around, not wanting to particularly interact with them. I almost wanted to laugh at how obviously he was wasting time, doing such a useless task. To be fair, I did it all the time, but I noticed he was especially distracted as he looked back at me every now and then.

In the midst of watching him move the towel over the same spot for the tenth time, he whipped his head and shouted. “Hey, what are you doing?!” I jumped, thinking he was talking to me, before I realized he was looking directly at the group of kids. From where I was standing, I could see one of them was carefully putting something into her backpack and I realized it was a large bottle of, presumably, alcohol. As soon as they heard the new guy’s exclamation, they bolted for the door and, by the time I could even process what was happening, he was already chasing them out of the store. I rushed out to see where they had gone, but all I saw was the guy, about five yards away, hunched over and out of breath. Scanning the area, I concluded that the kids were already long gone.

“You okay?” I called out to him.

He turned around, continuing to huff. He seemed like he was going to have an asthma attack at any second, so I jogged over to him and placed my hand on his shoulder. Upon contact, he stood back up and nodded. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.”

“They ran,” I said awkwardly.

“I know.” He shook his head. “If I was just a little faster, maybe I could’ve stopped them.”

“I mean, at least they’re gone now,” I offered. I motioned for him to follow me back into the store. “I’ll pay for the drink, it’s no big deal. How much was it?”

“Fifteen, I think. I don’t know, I’m just disappointed that I let them go like that.”

“It’s not your fault,” I insisted, dropping a ten and a five in the register. “They’re just a bunch of hoodlums.”

He chuckled. “Hoodlums. Haven’t heard that one used since the 20s.”

“It’s just what they are, man. Kids these days have no respect!” I exclaimed, pointing a finger in the air.

Laughing, he said, “We’re only, like, a couple of years older than them.”

I lowered my finger. “Still, I don’t associate with them.” He only continued to laugh and soon I was smiling and giggling too. His amusement was just so infectious and I couldn’t hold back. At some point in his laughing fit he let out a loud snort and I knew at that moment that I was way too enamored with him.

After calming down and catching my breath I picked my phone up once again, unlocking to check for any notifications. My eyes lit up as soon as they landed on the first notification, reading:

“Hey! We just got out of the appointment. Sorry it took so long, he ended up getting his braces put on today. You guys should probably go ahead and lock the store up now that it’s getting late. Hope you guys held the fort down well. See you Monday.”

I looked up at the time displayed at the top of my screen, seeing that it was already 9:46.

“What?” The guy asked, noticing my eyes glued to my phone. “What’s up?”

“Mr. Han said we can lock up and head home now,” I explained, shoving my phone into my back pocket and making a beeline for the break room and shrugging my vest off. “God, I am so ready to get back to wasting time at home.”

He, too, came to the back of the store with me, taking his uniform off and gathering his belongings. “What, did you not like hanging out with me for the last four and a half hours?”

I smiled to myself as I grabbed my bag. “No, quite the opposite actually.” I turned back to face him. “I had a pretty good time.”

“I had a good time, too.” He paused for a few seconds, remaining looking at me. He cleared his throat. “Let’s head to the bus stop.”

“You ride the bus, too? I always see you walking the opposite direction.”

“I thought I’d speed up the ride home,” he excused. I squinted, not totally convinced, but let it slide anyways.

We walked side by side in silence until we reached the bus stop, only a few blocks away. We stood there for a while, a foot apart, comfortable. I looked up at him and saw him staring into space, lost in thought. I tapped his shoulder. He looked at me with wide, curious eyes. “Hmm?”

“Earlier, before those kids came in, I asked if you were flirting with me. What was your answer going to be?”

“Ah, that.” He looked away sheepishly. “What would you do if I was?”

I paused to consider my response. “I think I would like it.” He turned back to me, shocked. “And I would probably flirt back and ask if you wanna hang out someplace other than a dingy convenience store.”

He nodded, looking away again. “Nice, nice. Well now I know for future reference.” I smiled at his awkwardness. “I’ll be sure to let you know if I’m ever flirting with you. So you know, of course.”

The bus pulled up a few moments later, signalling the end of this long night. I began to walk towards the bus, but he, for the first time in the past four and a half hours, wasn’t trailing behind me. “You coming?”

“Oh. Uh, I don’t actually ride the bus home. I only live a couple of minutes away, but maybe I wanted to walk you to the stop and talk for a couple of minutes more. Potentially. Hypothetically.”

“Then thanks. Hypothetically.” My grin stayed glued to my face as he ran through his explanation. I knew the bus would be leaving in only a few seconds more, so I had to turn and step on, but I didn’t want to leave this guy at all. Reluctantly, I started to take the first few steps on board. I turned back at the last second. “Wait, you never got to tell me your name.”

“It’s Joshua! Josh, for short, whatever works for you.” That kitten-like curl of his lip happened again and I wanted to melt. Joshua, of course. I don’t know how I could’ve expected his name to be anything else. It was sweet, gentle, and charming. It fit him perfectly.

“Well, Josh, I’ll see you Monday.” I waved while the bus door closed behind me and I made my way to an empty seat, sure that he was waving back at me. I thought about his earlier words - his semi-confession - and I could tell my face was heating up. It was almost childlike, the way I was getting so flustered. I sent a quick text to Soonyoung a few minutes before my arrival at the stop.

“Hey Soonyoung, I’m almost home. Go ahead and start making some ramen so we can pick a movie as soon as I’m in”

He responded within seconds.

“Lol you got it.”

I hesitated before sending another message.

“Oh and Soon? I learned his name today”

“It's Joshua”

The next couple of messages were sent in quick succession, each one in all caps and containing a variety of keyboard smashes, including one very long “I TOLD YOU SOOOOLKHJLKGDJHLK.” I chuckled to myself and shut my phone off, putting it away in my bag. The rest of the ride was short and sweet as I reminisced on the events that had unfolded. The spilled cereal, the little girl, the lollipop, the cigarettes, the alcohol, the flirting, the laughter - it all felt like a dream. The night was so simultaneously long and quick and all the best parts consisted of interactions with him - Josh. It felt odd knowing his name finally, but I never wanted that name to leave my mind. I wanted to remember it for as long as I could.

#seventeen #seventeen fic #fic #fanfic #joshua hong #hong jisoo #joshua hong fic #joshua hong fanfic

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