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grassbreads · 10 months

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I’d love to know about Yulma and how important it is to representation in shounen manga

This has been sitting in my askbox for a couple months (because I am incapable of punctuality), but anon sent this to me back when I was talking about Yulma over on my vnc blog. For those unaware, Yulma refers to Yu Kanda and Alma Karma from the manga D.Gray-man.

So the thing is, to be honest, I don't know if you can say Yulma is/was important for representation. They don't tend to get brought up as an example of representation (except by diehard d.gray-man fans like me, lol) in shonen, and their whole thing is complicated enough that I feel like the queerness of it all flies over a lot of people's heads.

However! They're very important to me personally, and I do think it's kind of remarkable their story came out in like 2010. Because even though their queerness gets overlooked a lot, it's like. really there no matter how you interpret it.

The short version of their very complicated story is that Kanda and Alma are a couple who were resurrected into new bodies. Alma was a woman when they were originally together in their past lives, but is physically male in the present. Kanda is still very much in love with them by the end of their story, which, depending on the reading, makes Kanda very bi and/or Alma very trans.

This sound like something you want details on? If so, let's talk about how D.Gray-man's fan favorite edgy badass toughguy character briefly became the star of his very own heart-wrenching tragic queer romance.

Here's a brief crash course in Yu Kanda and Dgm for the uninitiated:

D.Gray-man is a manga about a group of exorcists (in the loosest and most anime sense of the term) in the 1890s fighting a holy war against mechanical demons powered by the souls of the dead. There are two things you need to understand about this plot for me to explain Yulma:

The Black Order, the secret branch of the church that exorcists work for, has a long history of committing horrific human experiments to further the war effort.

Due to complications of world building, only a tiny number of people can become exorcists, and tracking down new ones is extremely difficult.

Yu Kanda is one of the exorcists, and though not the actual main character (that's the lad in my icon), he's a very important secondary character. Arguably he's the most important secobdary character, since he's the main guy's biggest foil and the first character to play deuteragonist in a major story arc. He's also a huge fan favorite. The character popularity polls that Jump used to do always had him and the mc going back and forth over who won #1 most popular.

Kanda was also a classic edgy toughguy character. His first two scenes are him almost murdering the main guy because he thinks he's an intruder, then complaining about people grieving for their friend too loudly. He never smiles. He argues with the righteous mc about wasting time/energy protecting civilians. He threatens (and delivers) violence on anyone that annoys him. He looks like this:

TLDR; Kanda was an adored-by-fans mean badass archetype in a 2000s shonen manga. Not generally the guy you peg for starring in a piece of queer romantic storytelling.

And for the entirety of the original anime adaptation's 103 episode run, for the first 188ish chapters of the manga, you do not learn a single thing about his early life. You learn he joined the Black Order very young, and you meet the mentor that took him in at that point, but although there are little hints, a couple cryptic mentions of him searching for a certain person, his early origins remain a complete black box.

Then came the Alma Karma arc.

This is the point where I start getting into spoilers.

To make a very long story short, the Alma Karma arc reveals that Kanda is one of the Black Order's human experiments. The Order ran a secret project 9ish years before the start of the series in which they essentially tried to re-use dying exorcists (since finding new ones is so hard). They took the bodies of dying or recently deceased exorcists and harvested their brains, implanting those brains into new magically grown child bodies.

Key to this project—the second exorcist project—is that these newly grown second exorcists were not supposed to remember anything from their previous lives. Kanda, however, recovered a few hazy memories from his past self. Most importantly, he can recall an unclear image of the woman that his past self was in love with. This memory gradually becomes Kanda's reason to live. He wants desperately to find and meet that person.

Now, aside from Kanda, there was one other successfully revived second exorcist. This was a boy named Alma Karma.

Over the course of their brief shared childhood, Kanda and Alma become extremely close. However, due to a series of horrible events that I'll spare you the details of, Alma is eventually driven to murder-suicide. He wants himself and Kanda to die together to spite the Order, and Kanda almost lets him do it.

The one thing that keeps Kanda from letting Alma kill him, the thing that drives him instead to kill Alma, his most beloved and only friend, is that he can't bear to die without finding that woman again.

Have you figured out the twist yet?

9 years later, in the present, Kanda discovers that he didn't actually quite kill Alma. The Order kept Alma secretly half-alive in order to do more dubious experiments. And, more importantly, when they meet again, Kanda discovers the truth. The woman that he's been searching for his whole life, the woman he's in love with, the woman he tried to kill Alma in order to find, was also killed and made into a second exorcist. And her brain was placed into the body of Alma Karma.

After quite a lot more violence and tragedy, Kanda and Alma end their story arc by running away together on their deathbeds. Alma dies, for real this time, in Kanda's arms, and his last words are to tell Kanda he loves him. These words are presented as something Kanda hears from both the boy and woman versions of Alma's soul.

So! At the end of a very long and complicated story, one thing holds true: Kanda and Alma are in love. As passed down from their past selves, they are specifically in romantic love. They were a couple. And to speak as a fan, the sheer absolute devotion to how Kanda's love for Alma is presented is seriously intense and moving.

Now, given the absolute hell that is Alma's life, gender identity is frankly the last thing they have time to worry about, so it's hard to say how the whole "literally a woman's brain in a male body" thing might have settled for them if given time to think about it. But that is inherently a pretty trans narrative. And given the whole Alma gender situation, there's simply no reading of their whole situation where neither of them is queer.

If you take present day Alma as a guy, which is more or less how he's presented in canon (though again, who knows how he would've felt about that male body in different circumstances), then congratulations! You've got mlm in your shonen manga. They were straight in a different life, but now one of them's a dude, and they are still deeply in love with each other. They've even got not one but two "let's forget it all and run away together" scenes, just as every mlm couple seems to have.

On the other hand, if you go with the angle that Alma's still a woman based on her mind/soul, even in her new body, then Kanda may not be canonically queer, but Alma is inarguably trans. Again, literally a woman's brain in a male body. It may not be how most people end up trans, but that doesn't change the facts of her situation.

You see what I mean about how they're undeniably queer, but also kind of easy to miss? There's so much other insane shit going on in their story that Alma's whole gender situation can get passed over. Plus, you can look online to this day and find people arguing that Kanda's not "technically" explicitly in love with the present day male version of Alma, since he doesn't 100% unambiguously say as much. I love reading comprehension.

Also! As a possible extra reason for why people don't talk about them much, the official English translation of the manga translated Alma's final "I love you" very differently. There's always a lot of nuance and argument when it comes to translating "大好き" into English, but given the full context of their relationship and the scene it's in, Viz's handling really sets off the censorship bells in my head.

Here's the different versions (Japanese then fan then official), if you want to compare:

Nothing more classically queer than censorship by way of questionable translation 🙃.

At the end of the day, Kanda and Alma are in kind of a strange middle ground. They're each in love with the other one, but the whole second exorcist brain transfer situation makes it complicated enough that people argue their feelings aren't explicitly romantic (and thus not gay) in the present. Alma is literally a woman's brain implanted in a male body, but we don't have time to dwell on the gender complications of all that because of the hell that is the rest of their life. They're canon but not canon—queer people whose stories don't have space for them to be queer.

However, given that all this messy, tragic ambiguity was published in a fairly popular shonen manga back in 2010, it still feels kind of remarkable to me. Alma is somewhat an antagonist (it's complicated), and he dies at the end of his arc, but once again, Kanda was/is the fan favorite! And when he re-enters the main story after Alma's death, he's more important than he's ever been, and his history with Alma continues to be a huge part of his character.

Katsura Hoshino took the much-beloved edgy toughguy character from her long-running shonen series and, after keeping his origins secret for such a long time, confirmed that his whole life has revolved around love this entire time. Almost every facet of his character can be traced back to his love for his lost best friend or his yearning for his past life's missing partner. And then she reveals that the best friend and the partner are one and the same.

You can go back and forth about the degree to which they work as representation, but in any case, I think their story is something people ought to know about. It's romantic and it's heart-wrenching and it's fucking wild, especially given the context in which it was published (a Shonen Jump spinoff in 2010). I never see anyone besides the few remaining hardcore dgm fans talk about them, and I think that's a shame.

So anyway, that's tale of one of the most insanity-inducing romances I've ever seen put to paper. I love queer people.

Here's some choice pages if you want to cry with me (the last two are a sequence):

#followers!! I know my demographic #I know that most of y'all are Tragic Queer Romance Enjoyers #and if that describes you. you should read this post #come learn about a truly wild piece of manga history #I bring you the gift of discovering Yulma without having to read almost 200 chapters of shonen manga for context #don't pass this up <3 #dgm #d.gray-man #yu kanda #yulma #alma karma #invasion of the frogs #also I really hope that at least one of the besties reads this and has a Realization about who/what my queue tag is a reference to #maybe I flatter myself to think that anyone remembers what my queue tag is. but I just think it would be funny <3 #also also. I really did not intend for this post to turn into an entire essay when I started writing it #so uh. whoops #ID in alt text #anon #ask

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miracles-and-butterflies · 12 days

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It's an artists choice, of course, but why DID you kill Mirabel in Reincarnation? Her dying in Casita is so overdone. It would have been interesting to see her be a smidge happy before losing her head! Did she somehow have to die for a spoilery reason? Why haven't some of the bad characters suffered, like Alma and Isabela? Karma hitting bullies is just 🥹

Literally every Madrigal dies in Reincarnation, what are you talking about?

Mirabel died first (second if you count Pedro)/in Casita’s fall because she was the only one in a deathly situation by going for the candle. If the miracle died a few seconds earlier, the house would have been unable to protect Mirabel and she wouldn’t have survived - which is what happened here.

(And she was a smidge happy before she lost her head, as she thought she had saved her family’s miracle).

She also needed to die at some point before her talk with Abuela. The characters couldn’t reach full development/arcs as that prevented other deaths and their lives couldn’t be identical to the film. And given that the chances of Mirabel tripping down the mountain and somehow losing her life that way were infinitely less likely then that of getting crushed to death by the collapsing building she was in, I frankly went with the latter.

Also, if you think Alma and Isabela are bad people, you seriously need to rewatch the film.

#encanto #encanto reincarnation au #ask me anything

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looniecartooni · 8 months

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Been way too long since I made a DGM post. Anyways...

As an Autistic person, I've always had my suspicions that Kanda could technically be classified as Autistic. Why? Well...

He literally eats the same food every meal of everyday- soba. Now you can do a lot with soba and I'm sure Jery does, but chances are that Kanda won't eat it unless it is soba. He had it once and that's his go to meal. Many Autistic people have a limited pallet and have go to meals they like to eat often.

He has trouble expressing his emotions (other than seemingly anger). He was "born" a very angry boy. Now granted- he went through a lot of trauma and was well... someone else at one point- but even so he rarely emotes despite feeling strong emotions. This could be because he holds a lot in to seem like he's okay with the environment he's in or to seem chill. You'd be lucky to get a smirk or a "tch" out of him. In Autistic/neurodivergent terms, this is very similar too if not exactly what masking is. Also, sometimes some autistic people just don't always emote their feelings as much as other people which leads people to think that they are stoic or lack emotions when they do indeed have stronger or deeper emotions than most people. Sound familiar?

He has trouble understanding other people's emotions or why they do things. Not all the time, but enough to where the DGM community has made a couple jokes about it. He also doesn't always understand correct behavior which could be a product of his past and some of the toxic mentalities of the Order. When Allen meets him a second time, he demeans a Finder for being lesser than he is (as Exorcists are often put on a pedestal) and believes he's just fodder. Kanda may not have actually meant that, but it's most likely he said that since that is what someone such as Lvellier promotes and the best way Kanda knows how to get people to leave him alone is by behaving either standoffish or violently towards them.

He likes to be alone. Again- one could attribute this to his trauma, but even when we see his "birth", he behaved violently towards Alma because he was being "too friendly". The two eventually became close (as do most of Kanda's friends and associates), but Kanda still acts mostly standoffish. He doesn't always hate the people he's with (such as Lenalee, Tiedoll, and Marie who are kind of like family to him), he just wants time to meditate or garden or eat in peace. Autistic people often feel this way too- they need space and time to decompress and especially after trauma, it can be hard to learn how to socialize properly. Sometimes even scary in fear of losing someone they were close to (much like Kanda). People who know him know that even though he's a grouch, he still appreciates them and shows them care usually by insulting them or acting slightly less bitter at them. We also see a bit more of Kanda opening up his compassion and reducing his bitterness after the Alma Karma arc and overcoming some of his trauma.

He can be blatantly honest. He isn't afraid to admit he hates you or that your appearance is terrible. This is a typical Autistic trait that is definitely a "quirky Kanda trait" people in DGM poke fun at him for. He will even nickname people after traits he's associated them with, especially when he's mad at them.

I'm sure we could include his stubbornness, but that sort of just ties into everything already sort of discussed (including the trauma part). Kanda is still an awesome character who is quite a quick-tempered hot head, but nonetheless, he could easily be seen as a bit of Autistic rep even unintentionally. One could argue that because technically he's a 9-10 year old in a 18 year old's body he has a lot of "childish" traits (which he does- don't get me wrong), but these in particular have just always felt more like Autistic traits.

In the end- Kanda is Kanda and we love Kanda for just being Kanda. And I wouldn't mind headcannoning him Autistic because that just makes for cool Autism rep.

#d gray man #dgm #dgm kanda #kanda yuu #yuu kanda #yu kanda #autistic headcanon #dgm theory

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faeriexqueen · 1 year

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University/City AU (DGM)

Going off of this post, I’m now thinking of what some DGM characters would study in general in a university/city AU setting (maybe taking place somewhere like NYC?). These ideas are mostly just for fun and I’m not actively thinking of writing anything with it, but I figured I’d share what’s on my mind. :3

Alma Karma — Starting with him because I’m biased and he is a favorite, but he’s majoring in fashion and textile design! Alma loves playing with different colors and fabrics to create vibrant outfits. He definitely doesn’t ascribe to certain gender norms, either, and likes to have a lot of freedom with his designs. (He also loves making clothes for his friends, and always wants to recruit them for modeling. XD) He’s also pursuing a minor in photography.

Lenalee Lee — She’s majoring in fashion design like Alma, but specifically, she’s focusing on shoes! She’s probably in a lot of classes with Alma, and they tend to partner up for projects and photo collaborations. Lenalee is probably also focused on accessories like handbags, and is working toward an internship with Anita (who is a well-known fashion designer in this AU >.>). Lenalee also likely minors in business, since she’s the type to want to know how to manage things.

Allen Walker — Originally, Allen likely planned to pursue a degree in criminal justice. His altruistic nature makes him want to do good and make things better for others, but I can see him getting disenchanted with that field. So, he likely switches to political science to given him a broader scope of things to work with. (He lands on wanting to do youth outreach, which I think suits him. :3) He hasn’t decided to pursue a minor, but tends to get busy helping his friends with their own projects. (He loves to taste test whatever Link bakes. XD)

Lavi Bookman — Double major in library sciences and history! Lavi comes from a background of library and museum archivists, so he’s one to follow that path. He’s super fascinated with book collections and history (especially with the broad scope it covers), and is working toward an internship at a large, well-known library in the city everyone lives in. (Since he’s double majoring, he’s not planning to get a minor at the moment — but he probably has some English literature classes he opts into. He’s a fast reader with an eidetic memory.)

Kanda Yuu — He’s majoring in botany and minoring in photography! Kanda isn’t exactly a science-oriented person, but he likes working with plants and gardens in his free time. He doesn’t like to admit it, but he does have an artistic eye for floral arrangements (he’s very particular about organizing things), and likes to take photos of them. Because of this, he works part-time as a florist when he’s not overloaded with classes. (Since he’s minoring in photography, he also shares some classes with Alma.)

Howard Link — His family likely expected him to go into law (and he considered it), but Link ended up doing a culinary arts program! Specifically for baking and pastry making. While it has always been a hobby of his, he’s ended up taking it very seriously and wants to eventually open his own bakery shop one day. With that in mind, he’s double majoring in the culinary program and business (and probably shares some classes with Lenalee).

Johnny Gill —Biochemistry! Johnny has always been interested in the sciences, and decides to pursue biochemistry. He’s likely contemplating pursuing biotechnology (specifically industrial as opposed to medicinal) in the long run, and is really interested in innovation and improving things in day-to-day life for people. A lot of his classes cross over with Kanda’s, actually, so they interact a lot. (For whatever reason, in this AU I imagine he’s Kanda’s roommate. XD)

That’s all I have for now! I might add more if others are interested about this AU, but wanted to get this out of my system while it’s fresh on my mind. ^^

#dgm #d gray man #dgrayman #allen walker #alma karma #lenalee lee #lavi bookman #kanda yuu #howard link #johnny gill #university au #city au #I should be writing BUT #I just needed to get this out XD #headcanons #ideas #writing ideas

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crumbingmask · 7 months

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Honey & Glass (Yullen, Rated T)

Chapter 2; I don't think you owe me much at all.

AO3

The days bleed into each other down here. Central sends in someone new everyday but they all ask the same things.

Where is Kanda Yu?

Allen will never tell them, he’s hidden them far out of the Order reach. It’s all he can do for them now, and it’s a secret that will die with him.

What did you do with Alma Karma?

Freed them; hopefully.

—

Allen has seen the tortured souls of the Akuma for six years now. He had sworn his life to fight them, to serve the Order.

The Black Order dedicated to stopping the Earl and eradicating the Akuma.

Kanda isn’t an Akuma but his creation was so much like one. A tragedy, a soul forcefully given new life.

—

It’s dark and musty in the cell he’s placed in. He hadn't even known the Order had jail cells.

With his sense of direction and the size of the new Headquarters maybe he would’ve found them under different circumstances.

His arms ache, bound together for days now with the seals from the Crows. He leans heavily against Timcanpy’s large form. Allen remembers when he was younger and slept against Tim like this all the time.

He’s glad that with the golem here, he isn’t alone.

Especially since Tim has tried to bite anyone attempting to move the golem out.

—

They bring in meals. His stomach aches and howls loudly for food, but Allen still refuses to eat.

He doesn’t trust what measures they’ll take to get him to talk.

Where is Kanda Yu?

He doesn’t know. He really doesn’t know.

—

Sometimes when Allen dreams, when Mana isn’t cheerfully tugging him along a long narrow road, calling him by a name he can never remember. Though Allen is certain it is not his own.

He doesn’t like those dreams.

No, sometimes he sees Alma and a woman whose name he doesn’t know.

They sit in a pond, the calm water spanning with of infinite reach. He stands at the edge of water. Lotus blooms swaying as they call for him to join them while they wait, their beckoning is so welcoming.

Whenever he wakes, he always wants to cry. He doesn’t understand.

Where is Kanda Yu?

He’s gone. I’m so sorry. —

He never stays in one place long, Allen can't risk getting detected. Not by the Akuma or The Order.

Inhale.

He’s so fucking exhausted, his feet have been numb for an hour. He wonders if it’s sweat in his shoes or blood this time.

Exhale.

Too many innocent people will get hurt if they get too close to him, Apocryphos will do anything to get to him.

He has to keep walking. —

The moment Allen’s eyes landed on Kanda, several thoughts and confusing emotions occurred simultaneously.

First, the disbelief. The heart-stopping shock, paralyzing him.

Which is then followed by one of the most intensely nauseating floods of butterflies that begin fluttering in his stomach.

Because Kanda was right there! He was okay, as surly and beautiful as always.

Then following quickly behind that was anger.

Why the fuck is Kanda wearing that uniform? He’d survived, and went back?! Is he stupid?

Scratch that, Allen knows Kanda is stupid. He’d just thought he would’ve at least had more sense than this.

He had been free, he had the love of his lives returned to him. Yet, there he stood just mere feet away. It made no sense at all.

And fuck, he definitely can’t let Kanda know it’s him if he’s with the Order. He is a “fucking Noah” now, as Kanda had so eloquently stated during their last battle.

—

“What did I just say about being too rough!!” Johnny shouts at him and Walker yelps in discomfort, Kanda just tunes them out as he forcefully scrubs away the chalky white face paint. He doesn’t want to dare to hope. That it’s really Allen and not the imposter daring to wear his skin.

Until Walker swings his leg up, cracking Kanda in the back of the head with it. The impact of it is strong, but he remains above the brat, and keeps him pinned against the cobblestone.

“Are you trying to rub my face off, Kanda, you jerk!!” Stupid beansprout’s stupid fucking flexible legs. Pain spider-webs out from where Allen’s knee connected against his skull. It exacerbates that hangover that is slowly chipping away his brain.

Kanda stares down at Allen. His eyes are a brilliant silver, and so clearly irritated. Smeared paint covering his face. His mouth is stained red.

And all Kanda can think is. It’s you. It’s really you.

—

When Allen wakes up next the moon is high in the sky, the room he’s in is dark and quiet. The only sound is the slow sleeping breath of his two unexpected companions.

Johnny is in the bed across from his own, he has fallen asleep with his glasses on just like Allen used to see him do when he’d stop by the science division sometimes. He snores every once and while.

Kanda is on the couch, his elbow propped on the armrest, his head resting against his hand. Mugen is placed across his lap, like he’s in a position to be alert quickly.

He’s happy Kanda’s alive, but looking at him..hurts. Allen is used to looking at Kanda and feeling conflicted to say the least, but now seeing him here is extra bittersweet.

Because Kanda is fragile now. Allen knows he can die, realizes that fact and feels it in a visceral way.

So, Allen takes this moment to look at Kanda. Like really look at him while he’s got the opportunity.

Kanda’s hair has been returned to its original inky black, now neatly tied back into a low ponytail.

There’s no trace of the cracks that once made him look like a dilapidated statue.

Allen has always held a begrudging respect, even admiration for him. Though he’d never admit that to the bastard’s face. Kanda has always been a person Allen has seen as not needing his protection, he was more than capable of taking care of himself.

Allen remembers when Kanda had been teaching him to sword fight, after he’d first learned to summon the ark. Kanda had seemed so untouchable to him back then.

He always sneered in the face of danger, absolutely fearless and always came out on top. Strong and prideful, ready for a fight at any moment.

But those parts of Kanda no longer seem like a strength that he feels he should aspire towards.

Not when he knows exactly how Kanda even came to be the person he is now. When he knows intimately the pain and countless guilty, blood stained hands that made up Kanda Yu's very existence.

How many times has Kanda fought himself into the grave, just to piece himself back together than get up to do it all over again?

He had been curious once, just how Kanda could heal so quickly. Thinking about it now makes him feel sick. He hates knowing that a place he once thought of as home could be capable of such horrid things. Though Allen supposes that it was always the people that had felt like home, not the place.

Not like that matters anymore. It’s not like he'll be going back there. He’s not even sure he’d want to.

“It’s creepy to stare at people while they're sleeping, Walker.” Kanda says, “Shouldn’t you be asleep anyways?”

He jolts at the unexpected voice, “Motherfuc-“ Allen catches himself before he can finish the curse. Flicking his eyes over Johnny first to make sure he hadn’t woken him with his outburst.

He hears the huff of breath through Kanda’s nose, the closest approximation to amusement he ever gets to hear from him.

Then he looks back to meet Kanda’s now open eyes this time.

Allen doesn’t think he’s ever heard Kanda laugh, like actually laugh. At least, not this Kanda, he doesn’t want to count the younger Kanda he saw in Rhode’s trap. Those memories with Alma were never his to touch in the first place.

“Shut up..” Allen grumbled, embarrassed to be caught mooning over his apparently not actually sleeping companion. He flops backward onto the inn bed, but tilts his head to continue to look at Kanda sitting across from him.

“Is there a reason why you look like you were thinking so hard you were going to pop a blood vessel?” Kanda pauses for a moment, considering. “Either burst a vein or start crying like a baby.”

“I wasn’t going to cry!” Allen says affronted. Because he definitely can not tell this jerk how just looking at his stupid pretty face tore his heart up into bits.

“Well, you do have a history of being a crybaby.” Kanda says, looking unimpressed.

He feels familiar irritation flaring up at the comment. “I do not!” Allen says in a harsh whisper.

Because he’s not! Allen cries when it is reasonable! And when you deal with such tragedies as an exorcist, of course he's going to cry!

“God...I can’t believe I almost actually missed your shitty attitude.” Allen muttered. It’s the closest admission he can ever give to how much it had hurt to think he’d never see Kanda again. It would’ve been worth it, for him and Alma to have been happy together finally. That didn’t mean it hadn’t made him sad.

Kanda scoffs at him, "You're still too soft, you know.” but he isn’t scowling.

Instead when Kanda says it this time, it doesn’t feel so mean-spirited. Not like it was that first time in Mater. Now, it’s almost fond. Like when he’d said he was glad Allen had been there, when everything went to shit with Alma. It catches him off guard, and Allen tries and fails to not let that mean too much to him.

Allen Walker hasn’t ever loved anything in a way that didn’t hurt. Why should this be any different?

—

Allen is too silent, yet his misery is still an oppressive presence. He doesn’t cry. He stares forward, empty and hollowed out. At least back in Mater he’d cried over that stupid broken doll.

Kanda wishes he would react. Wants him to scream, lash out, and blame him. It’s partly his fault the golem is dust now anyways, right? Since it intervened with Apocryphos because of him.

Kanda wants to say something to comfort him, anything.

But because he’s Allen goddamn Walker, the single most infuriating and stupid fucking idiot martyr to have ever existed.

He pulls shit like this.

Walker finally looks up at him as the ark gate summons below him. Allen sounds truly apologetic when says he couldn’t tell him anything, and then he smiles, that pathetic fake smile with his sad silver eyes.

A fury flares explosive under his skin, because no fucking way Walker.

The Black Order, death and Alma had not been able to stop Kanda from following Allen Walker into hell.

You’re not weaseling away that easily, you little clown bastard.

—

Kanda doesn’t even like him. Why can’t he just make this one thing easy for Allen, and get away from him.

“Why can’t you just leave me alone?” Allen doesn’t understand why he’s being so persistent.

If he won’t leave, then Allen will make him.

They have done this before, strike for strike, barb for barb. He may not be in the best condition to match Kanda in combat but Allen can be just as venomous as Kanda in words.

Kanda has always had a way of getting a rise out of him. Dragging out an unwilling and ugly honesty in him that he can’t stand.

And Allen is more than well versed in getting under Kanda’s skin in return.

“What’s it matter to you?! I’m just a fucking Noah, anyway right?! It’s not like you care!”

“You’re not a fucking—“ Kanda had been near shouting until he pauses and Allen is almost certain Mugen was about to make an appearance. But instead, Kanda closed his eyes briefly, breathing deep and pressed the heel of palm to his temple.

When Kanda opened his eyes again, his gaze was intense. But he didn’t seem angry at him, per say. Which was surprising, Kanda could always find a reason to be mad at him.

“You’re Allen Walker, an exorcist no matter what, that’s what you told Lenalee.” As he speaks Kanda takes a step towards him, and Allen steps back. “And you told me that you wanted to be a destroyer who could save.”

Kanda takes another step toward but before Allen can back away this time, Kanda snitches the lapel of his coat and drags him in close.

Kanda's eyes were burning as he glared hard at Allen. His breath is warm where it brushes his face. Allen glares right back, there’s nothing Kanda could do to intimidate him.

The thing about Kanda is that his eyes are the most expressive part of him.

And right now, he looks so fucking sad. Allen hates it. When people look at him like that.

“You’ve never given up on a fight before.” Kanda says, “Why should the Fourteenth be any different?” He almost sounds disappointed in him.

If Kanda hadn’t had a grip on him, Allen feels like he would’ve physically recoiled at that.

”You were the one who said—“

”I know what I fucking said, Walker! And I was wrong, okay!?” The hands that grip Allen’s lapels are shaking. “Cut the shit, sprout. I know what you’re trying to do, and it’s not gonna work.” His breathing is quick, panicking. Why is Kanda looking at him like that? It hurts. “Get it through your thick goddamn skull, I’m not leaving just because you love acting like you can handle everything on your own.”

“I don’t even want you here!” Allen’s voice is strangled, the lie dying in his throat. Leaving only the faltering protest behind.

Allen doesn’t know how to let him stay, because that’s just the first step of having to watch him leave for real. Maybe not today or even next month but Kanda will leave. Either in death or once he realizes that there’s no saving Allen.

“And you expect me to believe that?” Kanda tsked, “Usually you’re a better liar, Allen.”

He is stunned silent when Kanda calls him out so blatantly. Even more surprising though, is when Kanda uses the back of his semi-gloved hand to swipe under his eyes. Wiping the tears away with a gentleness Allen hadn’t conceived that Kanda was capable of.

Or at least, capable of showing to Allen. But in retrospect of everything he’s learned he doesn’t know about Kanda, maybe he should start preparing to continue to be surprised by him.

“Wow, even Bakanda can be sweet sometimes. It’s shocking, really.” He says. Mostly because he doesn’t know how else to respond to the way Kanda is looking at him. Allen averts his eyes, unsure of this unfamiliar kindness. He feels far warmer than the weather around should allow. This is terrible.

“Who the fuck are you calling sweet, crybaby.” Kanda scoffed, still more amused than truly annoyed.

“Am not!” Allen insisted, crossing his arms. “You just gave me a motivational speech about not giving up and you’re not even going to let me enjoy it, are you?”

Kanda steps away from him, ”You not giving up will literally help stop the hostile takeover of whatever brain you’ve got left.” He says, reaching out enough to flick the star that scars Allen’s forehead.

Allen reaches up to touch the cursed mark, frowning at Kanda. “See, that’s exactly what I meant. You’re no fun.”

“Shut the fuck up, Walker.”

“Aw, c’mon! At least call me Allen again. That’s much nicer.”

“I can stab you again at any time, you know.”

“Of course, you could. But BaKanda wouldn’t that be the opposite of helping protect me? And when we find him again, I’ll tell Johnny you’ve been bullying me.”

“God, you’re so annoying.” Kanda grumbled at him. “..Might be worth it, if it means you’ll stop talking, you brat.”

“Let it be known, most people find me incredibly charming.” Then obviously, to prove his point, Allen sticks tongue out at him.

Kanda looks at him, seeming very unimpressed and raises an eyebrow at him. “Right, and that’s definitely helping your case.”

—

Alma, would it be wrong to want to stay with him just a little longer?

Allen doesn’t want to be selfish but he just doesn’t think he can take it alone any longer. Alma would understand that better than anyone, wouldn’t he? Would understand all the love Allen keeps trying to smother before it can blossom out of his tender heart.

Please, Alma. Don’t hate me for this, Allen prays.

—

The train platform is crowded. He’s terrified to look anyone in the face too long. His eye hasn’t picked up any Akuma yet. That’s just making the anticipation worse. Allen knows they’ll come. The Akuma, the Noah.

Inhale. It hurts to breathe. Exhale. Is he blacking out? Oh fuck. He’s so overwhelmed with everything that’s happened.

Apocryphos, The Order, The Earl...Mana. Not to forget the demon clawing its way out from inside.

And then, someone grabs his hand. “Allen. Look at me.”

Inhale. It hurts.

Allen feels like he’s going to be sick.

Exhale. Allen looks at him.

“Take another breath, sprout.” Kanda says, squeezing tightly once. "You're going to pass out like that.”

Everything closing in to snuff Allen Walker out. Yet, Kanda Yu has remained.

This is the closest extended contact he’s had with someone that wasn’t trying to kill him lately. He doesn’t know what to do with his arms. He remembers when Kanda refused to shake hands with a cursed person like him.

Should he move away? He should let his hand go.

Inhale.

“Just breathe like me.” Another squeeze.

Allen is touched and also continuously confused by this softer side Kanda keeps showing to him. Before Alma, Allen wouldn’t have thought Kanda was capable of such things but now...it’s something.

Exhale.

He can’t say it to his face but he does need Kanda to know how much this means to him. Allen rests his forehead on Kanda's shoulder. Kanda tenses for a moment, his posture rigid and Allen is almost certain he was going to move away. But he relaxes instead, allowing Allen to cling to him.

His hair is soft against his cheek, and it smells clean. Maybe a little like flowers. He feels his heart beat a little harder in his chest.

“I’m really glad that you’re here.” Allen mutters from his hiding place against Kanda’s chest.

—

He sometimes wishes Timcanpy or Johnny were here too, then at least he could’ve pretended that this was just another mission. Missions with Kanda had been normal, not...whatever this is.

Running away together to..save him?

Allen’s eyes trace over the black lines down Kanda's arm from his own curse mark. He had removed the Order's coat once they’d settled on the train. Does he know that Allen despises seeing him in that uniform?

Kanda isn’t turned toward him, his gaze is following the scenery flying past. Kanda is still gently holding his clawed hand.

Exhausted, he finally shuts his eyes. Kanda will take care of him.

—

Awareness comes back to him slowly, creeping in gradually like the morning sun.

He’s so warm. It’s nice, after all the time he’d spent sleeping in alleyways dodging Apocryphos.

He hadn’t dreamt at all. Allen doesn’t even recall the last time that happened because even in his sleep he’s pursued by the Fourteenth’s fractured memories.

It really feels like the first time he’s truly slept in years.

Beside him, Kanda is still asleep. He has one arm propped on the train seat arm, like he had at the inn the other night. Which feels like a lifetime ago now.

His other arm is tucked behind Allen’s back. Kanda’s hand rests upon the place he had stabbed Allen in his rampage to fight Alma. The heat of his palm soothes the sharp ache of the healing wound on his hip.

Allen is somewhat surprised that he’s awake before Kanda. But then again, in between Allen’s consciousness being..inconsistent and Johnny definitely hadn’t been a fighter. It had been Kanda’s job alone to be on the defensive. He’d probably been just as exhausted as Allen himself.

Kanda’s face is relaxed in a way it never is when he’s awake. His breathing is slow and rhythmic, reminiscent of how he breathes when he’s meditating. Or guiding Allen though another panic attack.

Allen reaches up to brush the hair away from Kanda’s face, tucking the stray hair behind his ear.

Kanda catches Allen’s cursed hand before he can pull it away pressing it to his cheek, and when Allen looks up to meet his gaze, Kanda’s eyes seem unfocused like he’s still half asleep. Still dreaming.

“You’re still Allen..that’s good.” His voice is rough from disuse, but gentle in tone nonetheless.

“Y-yeah, I’m..still me.” Allen can feel his face heating up fast against his will, he will not blush just because of Kanda using his name like a person should. Absolutely not.

The grip on his hand slackens after that, and the heat that sweetly hums under Allen’s skin fills him with the urge to run, run away right now. Away from Kanda and whatever trouble this feeling is bound to get them into.

He’s already tried that though, and thus far has failed to shake Kanda off. Devoted as Kanda seems to be to making sure Allen is always in his line of sight these days.

Allen knows exactly how that feels. He's not exactly eager to let Kanda go again either. So instead, Allen tightens his grasp in return.

Running away together to save each other, maybe.

That’s how Allen likes to think of it anyway.

#cross posted on ao3 #my fics #d.gray man #yullen #arekan #kanda x allen #updated; ao3 version to be fixed up later.

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acewithapaintbrush · 2 years

Text

OK so @lunamadrigal put the idea of a Pepa and Alma bodyswap a la Freaky Friday into my head and I had to write something real quick, just a little drabble.

******************

"I'm so sorry." little Olive wails.

Dolores shushes her daughter and assures her that everything is fine. "These things happen, mija. Don't worry about it. Just calm down and let's get you to bed so you can rest. We'll undo it tomorrow." She turns to her mother and grandmother. "Everything is fine, right?"

Pepa smiles. It feels weird on her face and not just because it's not fine, not fine at all, but also because it is not her face.

And isn't that a nightmare inducing thought.

"Right!"

Alma just nods. Good thing Olive is too young yet to realize what the dark, thundering cloud over her head means.

Dolores accompanies the sniffling child into her new room. The others only wait long enough until they hear the door click shut before completely losing their minds.

"I'm old!" Pepa screeches. She hurries to a mirror. It's slow going. Her old bones creak with every step. She screeches once more when not her own face, but her mother's stares back at her "I'm so old, oh Dios, I'm old!"

"Pepa!" Her mother scolds. Everyone is weirded out seeing the otherwise animated Pepa so oddly still, with hands folded in front of her stomach and head held high. "I'm right here!"

The cloud over her head belies her calm. It is dark and thundering and raining a little. Her eye twitches every time a raindrop lands on her head.

Pepa smirks evilly and points at her mother (at herself?) "Mama. You have a cloud."

A fresh downpour starts up and Alma groans and waves her arms above her head. To no avail.

Felix stares between the two of them. He looks sick. "I don't know how to deal with this. Seriously. I don't."

"Oh yeah? Imagine how I feel!" Pepa squishes her mother's face (or is it her face now?) between her hands, still staring into the mirror. Anything to make the wrinkles disappear. "I'm so old!"

"What kind of gift is this?" Camilo wonders. "Body swapping?"

"Maybe it's a karma gift." Bruno snickers. He turns to Pepa, only at the last second remembering that he has to look at his mother if he wants to address his sister. Wow, that's a headache in the making. "That's what you get for calling me old all the time."

Pepa wants to hit him, but her old body does not cooperate. Julieta has to support her.

"Easy Pepa. Whatever it is, I'm sure we can reverse it in the morning when Olive has calmed down. Let's just go to bed."

"That's a good idea. Things will look better in the morning. Now I need some cuddles to calm down."

Felix looks dazed as he takes his wife's arm to lead her to their bedroom. Only a very pointed clearing of the throat alerts him to the fact that he has taken his wife's arm.

The body of his wife.

"I don't know if that is proper, Felix." Alma muses with the voice of Pepa. His actual wife taps her foot and has her hands on her hips with an unamused scowl, while everyone else howls with laughter.

Felix drops the arm like it's on fire.

"I don't know how to deal with this!" he wails just like little Olive earlier. "I really don't!"

#encanto #disney encanto #encanto fanfic #encanto headcanons #pepa madrigal #alma madrigal #Poor felix #Dude really doesn't know how to deal with this #It is of course reversible #Don't worry

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gamerbearmira · 2 years

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Crypltic!Dolores and Mirabel Mamalores AU, but worse and spiteful. So Dolores has the parkour skills of a mountain goat(brought to you by Tio Bruno) and is silent as nothing. Mirabel on the other hand has lost any sense of gravity and whatever is up, down, left, or right. So therefore physics does not know her and can be standing on the walls horizontally, and therefore is considered a demon(brought to you by this goofy mf named Pedro whom of which decided to make his favourite granddaughter be the karma of village's lazy asses).

They also have this skinwalker or mandela catalogue looking stare, which is scary enough to make you paranoid for months. They still have their normal clothes don't worry but their eyebags are more visible and has this *dramatically flails arms* some sort of trick to make their iris' smaller. And for some reason despite being under the sun for so many hours, they do not sweat nor do they even feel warm, they feel cold like their ghosts.

At this point, the village is scared of saying anything in the negative area because of Dolores and activities that could a modern person in jail or in juvenile detention because Mirabel is somehow always there, as if she's omnipresent.

The Madrigal fam catch on when Antonio turns 3 since he says; "I wanna be like Lolo and Mira! It looks so much fun to mess around with the villagers and also jump on high stuff and even stand upside down!". That makes them recoil and be shell shocked cuz, what??? We never got this from the villagers, and how did we not notice something this creepy?!?!

The reason for that is because they think that there would be some sort of karma because the last guy said something sexually nasty and he got his 2 year paranoia away just last week! He said something along the lines of "I-I heard a creepy lullaby and-and Dolores was at my dining table, and she just slowly smiled and tilted her head! I thought I couldn't sleep again! And then I saw a kid upside down with glowing glasses! I swear they took at least 10 years of my life!!"

That's all I have rn I wrote this in my notes at 2 AM, I might continue this and become a snippet tumblr of my own.

OHHHHHI LIKE THIS…YES SIRRRRR

The cryptic doubles <3 and Antonio just being completely ok with it, because we love him for that.

But I like this! Dolores being creepy asl and Mirabel just joining her. The two go around scaring the living daylights out of people without a care win the world, knowing full well what they’re doing, being mean and enjoying it.

Gravity deviating Mirabel has my heart. Love her standing on walls and freaking everyone except for 3 people out. She’s on the ceiling and not even flinching, all because Pedro somehow was able to do the same thing. Somehow, but no one knows how. And Pedro was probably a cryptic too. I know Mirabel took after him according to a Alma, and the apple doesn’t fall to far from the tree.

Dolores somehow always managing a way to find a way into someone’s house, and just standing there. Menacingly. And then she starts humming some weird ahh sing??? I know them bad people are on their toes, locking their windows, hoping to keep her and her daughter out, only to find them in the closet, under the bed, or ON THE CEILING. Dolores doesn’t even say anything to people in the day, but at night? That girl is just whispering creepy stuff into people’s ears while they sleep.

And then Antonio. Their mascot. He doesn’t do anything, but he’s there for emotional support, maybe bringing them a blanket or two. He knows they don’t get cold, but he can worry, so leave him be. Dolores probably taught him how to sneak up on people, so now he just appears behind people before saying some cryptic mess that Mirabel told him to say like ‘redrum’ and then running off giggling like some little gremlin ☠️☠️ seriously, don’t feed that mf after 12 a.m

gonna call them the cryptic trio cuz it’s funny

or maybe the cryptic duo and their adorable goofy ahh mascot

#encanto #encanto au #au #encanto mirabel #encanto dolores #encanto antonio #cryptic trio AU #cryptic trio encanto au #my asks are open #my asks

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daisyachain · 5 months

Text

The hater’s spirit within me rejoices at that little bit of the interview that says it was preincarnation!Kanda that thanked Allen. A) hah hah take that. No yu/llen today, suckers. B) it implies that the ‘Kanda’ acting during the Alma arc was more [Unnamed Exorcist] than Kanda Yuu C) it implies that there is a distinct separation between past!Yulma and present!Yulma which feeds my firm belief that they are different people with different relationships.

There is some core commonality or base material between Alma and That Woman, between Kanda and The Past, yet they’re no more the same person than two twins are the same person or even parent and child. What we relationship Kanda and Alma had, it was founded on them being rowdy child experiments together. The decisions of their past selves didn’t seal their fate. In fact it was Kanda and Alma’s decisions to follow their past selves’ belief that delivered their unhappy ending to them. Kanda doesn’t want to live because he focused his life on reclaiming That Person who, he finds, was his all along and who he ignored/abandoned/fought off/failed to save. Alma. Well you know.

Their inability to accept their lives as new people (Alma, understandable, they were nine years old; Kanda, still semi-understandable, he got to nineteen before it all blew up but that’s still young) doomed them. Literally. Alma lets their past life define them and in return has both of their selves utterly destroyed and erased from existence. And they are two separate selves! They walk off hand in hand but there are two of them! If Kanda finds anything resembling happiness at all it will be because his last link to his old life has been obliterated. He and Alma flunked their test and gave up any chance at a happy ending when Alma let their old self take over. Kanda gets a second chance when he lets go of his search for his old life. There was never any chance of past!Kanda and past!Alma rejoining as their old selves. Either they had to do it as Kanda Yuu and Alma Karma, or they couldn’t do it at all. Alma rejected their new existence and rejected the idea that Kanda had changed or could change. They Fucked That One Up All Right

#transparent takes from the kanda/daisya blog #I’m sayin. kanda/alma was a beautiful arc and it was lovely because it was doomed.#it could’ve worked but they made it not work and they burnt away the things about it that did work #kanda the dour martial artist and alma the stocky spitfire could’ve grown up and eloped and lived/loved happily ever after #kanda the wise exorcist’s second self and alma the kind one’s? absolutely not 100% no. failure dismay. bad decision.#past!kanda and past!alma are in some way parasites that take over and twist their new lives #it’s not their fault; they’re not bad for doing it; the influence they have over their new selves is suffocating and has to be cut off #kanda can should must and will destroy the connections he had with his past. only then can he move on #kelsey liveblogs d gray man #that is to say. i hate yu/llen. i like yu/lma but my liking for yu/lma is predicated on it failing. badly. forever. permanently.

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ihateyukanda · 6 months

Note

answer whatever 3 questions you want to answer from the ask game ^_^

HAIIIII alright 3 questions!

Question 1: Outside of any incest/pedo ships, Yu/llen. Never understood it. Never will understand it. They never had any chemistry outside of like. A slowly developing friendship? I especially don't understand people shipping it pre-Alma Karma arc because like they barely even liked each other back then. Also it's very boring in terms of ship tropes, just edgy guy x cinnamon roll and white hair x black hair. It feels like people wanted their trope yaoi rather than the actual dynamic these two have. Also there's too much of it in the Yulma tag and it pisses me off.

Question 2: Basically any ship that isn't Yulma I'm so sorry I'm really boring that way ！Σ(×_×;)! I really think DGM has some really fascinating platonic relationships that deserve a lot more attention than they get (Komui and Lenalee especially) and I find most ships to be a distraction from that. Maybe if their fics were set postcanon but the question is if anyone's surviving long enough postcanon for that. Putting my bets on Lenalee and Lavi surviving and Yuu and Allen dying. Not ready for it.

Question 14: Tbh since the fandom is so quiet there isn't really much for me to say but I guess the usual thing about shipping and character misinterpretation. People focus too much on ships and the tropes they associate with them sometimes instead of the actual characters. However, I think the fandom has vastly improved as now we don't see Lenalee hate for getting in the way of an M/M ship and are more willing to explore her complexities (can you tell I love Lenalee. I love Lenalee.)

#bathroom wall scrawling #dgm #ship hate

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thegreyj · 1 year

Note

top 5 finnish songs for me to listen to

Oooh alright! Just.. should they be Finnish songs or songs in Finnish? What the heck, I'll do both haha (so you'll get 10!)

First up songs in Finnish (I highly suggest googling the lyric translations)

Hei Rakas by BEHM. I love this song so much - it's beautifully written, with a beautiful melody and it has a funny backstory too! It's a love song that was created in order to win a bet "who will write the better love song". This won.

Pohjola by Olli Halonen Oh, this song lives, breathes and bleeds being Finnish. When I first heard it, I absolutely fell in love with it - and the fact that it's 100% true too just makes it that much better.

Mökkitie by Arttu Wiskari This might not be my favorite song, but it is very sentimental to me haha. It's mine and my best friend's "song" - it's also kind of sad if you understand the story - but also written by one of the most brilliant songwriters in Finland (he also sings the song lmao)

Tummilla teillä by Vesterinen Yhtyeineen I was obsessed with this song at one point - it's brilliant! Again, a bit sad but a beautifully written song. This song currently sits somewhere in my very long WIP pile because this inspired Bob me to write a fic...

Joulun kanssas jaan by Haloo Helsinki! I chose a Christmas song for this last one, simply because I really love this one. It's beautiful and kind of sad (again lmao), and I probably will go listen to it on a loop because it may have given me ideas again haha

Next up songs by Finnish artists

Tallulah by Sonata Arctica I don't know if you're into heavier music, but this song is so brilliant (and sung by one of my favorite singers too). Again, a bit sad, but so, so good too.

Thank You For Everything by Sunrise Avenue My sister is a massive fan of Sunrise Avenue, and I used to listen to a few songs of theirs too - but this one (sadly a goodbye song from their last album) stole my heart. It's brilliant and catchy too.

Carnival of Rust by Poets of the Fall Oh I was obsessed with this song at one point in my life. It still is in my favorite playlists, as it is an excellent song - and I love the singer's voice! The lyrics are a bit quirky but they do have meaning behind them as well

Karma by ALMA An amazing song by a brilliant songwriter who actually has made a name for herself in the US! I'll let the song speak for itself though!

A Lifetime of Adventure by Tuomas Holopainen Okay, I love weird songs - this certainly is one. But I was obsessed with this one as well at one point lmao, still is one of my go to songs when I need to get rid of my thoughts, it's amazing.

And... as we're on the topic of music, fun fact about Finland: Finland has the most metal bands per capita.

#thanks for the ask!#hope you find some songs you might like

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haleigh-sloth · 2 years

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Since you a fan of d grey man Allen and kanda lol for the ship

Anon my heart....

Um, I am a hardcore AlmaKanda fan, because it's one of the only ships that is forever separated and destined to never BE, completely rips my heart to pieces, but I still love it and can't imagine Kanda wanting a life with anyone else.

That being said, I LOVE Kanda and Allen's friendship. The way I feel about it is similar to how I feel about Shigaraki and Midoriya.

Soooo can I say YES but only platonically? Whatever, this is my house. My rules.

Plataonically!!!!:

What made you ship it? I mean it has all the ingredients of my favorite character types. Long hair man, white hair man (sometimes the two combine....Tomura), an asshole who is not understandable on the surface, and a fluffy little cloud who is also not understandable on the surface. In all seriousness though, Kanda is my second favorite character of all time, and Allen's character continuously challenges his character to grow and become better and better and for that, I love them both together.

What are your favorite things about the ship: I absolutely love their interactions and it's one of the best things the manga has to offer from its characters. The current arc "Farewell to Allen Walker" and the Alma Karma arc are my favorites because of these two. The Alma Karma arc Allen (and Road lmao) saw the most intimate, personal, traumatizing, devastating parts of Kanda, and then he gave everything up to make sure Kanda had the moments he needed with Alma. The current arc, Allen is sharing his story with Kanda that he's never shared with anyone before. He wasn't even planning to but then it slipped out. I don't know what my favorite thing is other than the way they keep being brought together despite their differences. And the way that they still fight and push each other away but still keep getting brought to each other over and over again.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship: Idk what's popular and what's not. Like, at all. D.Gray-Man is a quiet fandom and probably won't pick up steam until there's a finite amount of chapters left announced. So I'm just gonna have to say idk here. I love them together though.

You didn't ask for this but my favorite moments dedicated to them two, because I don't get to talk about DGM often:

Allen helping Kanda:

Kanda willfully ignoring Allen’s signs of possession and regretting it:

Kanda yelling at Allen after getting stuck together in London:

Allen sharing his story:

Anyway I don’t ship it romantically but I live for every time they’re on screen together.

#I love them #I love Kanda yuu so much #dgm #d.gray-man #kanda yuu #Allen Walker #ship asks #ask game

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fiymywings · 1 year

Text

alma/karma crimson snow banquet card summary ch. 1-5 liveblog style (take a lot of this with a grain of salt kaku is Struggling today

ch. 1 - opens with the banquet starting and alma and my boy went HAM on the roast beef. emma is ENAMORED with how much he ate in like 5 minutes of the buffet starting im in love really. emma starts reflecting back on when they were assigned the mission to find the culprit behind the attacks on people. while they discuss it, alma says something along the lines of "when we find the culprit, i'll have a talk with them to find out why they did it", his usual "ill reform them" talk.

HE SUDDENLY GETS CLOSE TO EMMA AND IF IM READING RIGHT STROKES HER HAIR? it was in an attempt to get her to relax but :sob: goodness boy. i think he complimented her clothes as well and mentioned he has a hard time figuring whats good and whats not, and he ended up happy emma was smiling

they get back on the topic of what he mentioned before (reforming them) and the chapter ends as he saIM SORRY. LOST MY TRIAN OF THOUGHT. I LEFT MY PHONE OPEN TO CH. 2 AND IT OPENED WITH .A NOISE .

ch. 2 - ANYWAY

OH. OH MY GOD. CONTEXT DIDNT MAKE IT ANY BETTER. IM ASSUMING IT OPENED ON HIM DRUNK AND LAYING IN BED AND HE HUGGED EMMA FROM BEHIND WHILE GOING "Heeey, Emmaaa~" NEAR HER EAR (EMMAS NAME BEING REPLACED WITH PLAYER NAME OBV)

i was right he did get drunk and he pretty much dragged emma into the guest bedroom with him. mentioning going to bed and emmas trying to get him to at least take his coat off and shower and i believe he gets it confused with a confession

while emmas trying to get him to take stuff seriously, i think hes already fallen asleep and starts talking about food (?), and i think dialogue suggests he pretty much conked out the moment he flopped onto the bed.

he starts talking about a good smellDID HE JUST SNIFF EMMA?????????WHERE AM I. OH MY GOD!HE SNIFFED THE NAPE OF HER NECK!!!IM GONNA FUCKING DIE!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!KARMA!!!!!!!HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!

OH THANK FUCK KARMA WA SLIKE "the hell are you Doing ." AND TOLD EMMA TO MIND HER DISTANCE HELP MEEEEEE. emma thanks karma for saving her from that situation (ME TOO. ME TOO!!) and they do the explanation that alma has DID/karma is an alter they did in the event story, emma goes "oh is this a chance for us to talk?"

picking "it's been a while" causes karma to comment that he hasnt fronted near emma in a while, she asks why hes out now since he only fronts if he has something to do, and he very grouchily says "I don't feel the need to answer that. Did I not tell you before to refrain from prying into my business?" and he reminds her they came to the castle to investigate, not have pointless conversations/overindulge. emma says she doesnt think her talk with karma is pointless, surprising him. after a moment karma ends up talking back to emma commenting on the fact she carelessly let herself end up alone in a room with a man and she runs out of the room primarily because she finds it difficult to actually Talk to karma

ch. 3 - after what i think was consdiered an unsuccessful attempt to talk to karma, alma returns (NO LONGER DRUNK.) he apologizes for having emma need to help him

alma ends up playfighting (?) with emma where she asks "whats with the sudden self defense practice" and he tells her she was making a face like something was caught in her throat and some moving around would refresh her. he ends up going a bit too far and nearly topples emma over, where he catches her midfall (and he comments on how light she is only for her to comment "no youre just Really Strong")

ch. 4 - they go back to looking for the culprit of the attacks

they stop to look at paintings, and i believe they ran into a painting of the flowers cinis mentioned in the event story (originally white, they turn red and are part of a "ritual" meant to strengthen a bond between two people)

WHILE THEYRE TALKING ABOUT KARMA ALMA JUST GOES "hey. can i hug you?" WITH A SERIOUS FACE. THIS MAN..

he comments saying he suddenly thought about wanting to take good care of emma hawbhsbdg

ch. 5 - they start talking, more specifically trying to figure out how to talk to karma without driving him away, especially since apparently alma was pretty close to rolling over on top of emma and crushing her. he tells her she shouldve just left him there, since its common for the houndsweepers to be left alone when theyre dead drunk

while they're talking in a hall, cinis finds the both of them and brings them out to the balcony to see the red snowfall. cinis comments on the ritual for "Vow of love". after they both take a moment VAMPIRE ATTACK!!!!cloud of BATS!!!!!!!yeah

#yumekuro

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sunrisetune · 2 years

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DGM Exorcist! Alma Karma headcanons that nobody asked for:

When he was a kid, everything happened the same up until the very last one: which is to say he still destroyed the hell out of lab 6. Broke every machine, gutted every record-keeping station, killed all of the 'sleeping' apostles, slaughtered every scientist and staff member, everyone in the unsealed part of the building that he could get to.

Everyone except Noise and Yuu.

His Innocence, relatedly: is a bit fucked up! Physically, when it’s unactivated, it looks a bit similar to Allen’s arm before Crown Clown manifested properly, When activated it manifests somewhere between a gauntlet and a scythe, spiking up from his arm in way that’s only slightly more controlled than we saw in the flashback. It’s parasitic.

The Science division had to take a very long, careful time to find out information about it, given Alma’s trauma and following violent tendencies around doctors, but their general conclusion is that it would’ve been better suited as an equipment Innocence.

--- Or, in Komui’s notes, that it had been an equipment Innocence with its last accommodator, but that form broke when the Second Exorcist project had distilled it, and due to the trauma of their first synchronization it couldn’t bond properly with Alma to become what it was meant to.

As it is, though, it’s grown with Alma, through his arm and shoulder into his nervous system and whole right side. There’s no possibility of removing it without killing him, even with his accelerated healing.

They call it Angel’s Scythe

(This is partly based on Liketolaugh’s fic ‘Synchronization’ where Alma’s Innocence is named Angel Sword, and it’s good and y’all should read it)

I really like the idea, narratively speaking, of Alma reacting to his trauma equally & opposite to how Kanda does. Not an exact mirror but as a general characterization rule

e.g. The way Kanda hates anyone close to him ever, Alma is permanently touch-starved and is most comfortable when he's in physical contact with someone at all times

Kanda doesn't trust or like people and refuses to attach to anyone without kicking and screaming; Alma attaches to everyone who shows him any kind of kindness or affection, extremely easily

Like, to his detriment

He'd be a terrible Bookman

On one hand (literally) it's good because Alma’s protectiveness and regard for others matches his Innocence’s will, which gives them a usable synchro rate

Despite the seething hatred Alma has towards it, the scientists, the Asian branch, the Order at large, and also God

On the other hand, this gets him into trouble and he reacts to rejection, uh. poorly. Not violently poorly, and not as immediate-bawling as when he was a kid, but it's actually one of the ways he and Kanda are alike: they both have a Short Trigger for strong emotions

Alma is very angry, the same way Lena is very angry. This is part of the reason they're best friends

He remembers flashes of what happened to him in his past life, just enough to remember what’d been done to them, that his love died and that all flowers sink into the mud. He has terrible nightmares. Because of that, he does his best to avoid sleeping, and flowers

He does like non-flowering plants, though; and other things full of life; animals, kids, dancing, music; reading (especially mystery novels which he steals from Lavi on regular occasions), parties, learning.

The ‘detective work’ that sometimes come with missions is his favourite part.

He prefers mild-to-bland foods, like Kanda, but also really enjoys sweet things, and likes to try as much variety as he can (unlike his "soba for all meals counts as different food" soulmate)

Mostly he doesn't make his own meals, bc the Orders, but he can if needed. Klaude made cooking lessons part of his training (specifically, he’d have to cook her breakfast and if he was late or the food was burnt / undercooked he’d have another set of cardio exercises to do), and he found out he likes the whole process / finds it calming

Often when at the HQ he'll be in the kitchens making a midnight / 4am snack, Jeryy having made an exception to the “No One Allowed In The Kitchen After Hours, No Exception” rule for him when Alma and the others were very young

Though: once Link gets to the Order, he stops doing that as much. It makes Jeryy worry for him, but nothing’s wrong with Alma, it's just that he recognizes Link as a Crow from the moment he sees him, and Link uses the kitchens at night to stress-bake. So Alma cannot be anywhere near there or there will be a lot of problems.

Eventually Jeryy works out what the problem is and lets Alma use his personal kitchen to cook stuff, instead, which he would have done the whole time if someone had just told him what was going on, Alma

However that’s another thing Alma and Kanda actually have in common: if you’re having some kind of trouble, you don’t tell anybody anything at any point.

Lastly: Alma kept the plushie rabbit from the Lab, named Scratchy, and he fell asleep holding it every night he could until he was 17

#DGM #Goose's original poster tag which is for Goose #violence cw #murder cw #'Canon-typical DGM warnings cw' more or less #Fsr when posting the indents don't work which is The Most Annoying Thing

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nonnydog · 2 years

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Thats not as bad of a cliffhanger as I thought it would be, actually. Dgm Hallow reflection (+spoilers!) below. Long post!

(I wrote this right after I finished Hallow a week ago but Ive been ditzying it up so its late. May expand kn some points later)

(That screenshot is technically relevant bc its during Tykis speech which is a super important scene, but also I just. Really like how Hallow portrays Allen. Its all just very very pretty.)

Everything seems to be trying to set up complexity—obviously, thats obvious, agh.

Kanda views the Order as an enemy but works with them for Alma and to make up for awakening Allen/Nea. Tyki speaks to Allen about the duality (trinity?) of possessing innocence and being an exorcist and being a noah and being hunted by Apocryphos (who is innocence) and etcetcetcetc. Allen himself feels it, as he is confined and beat by the Order. An akuma lives (remains unsaved as well) because Link, representing the Order, confines him. His “Noahness” provokes his home, while his “Exorcistness” prevents him from allying with the Noah.

[is Link actually dead?]

A point I find interesting is that Allen wouldve probably went with Apocryphos if he hadnt killed Cross. He talks about how he can seperate Allen and 14, something which Allen definitely wants at that point because it would solve all his problems. When they first meet, Allen only hits Apocryphos and saves him from Tyki because he saw the memory of him murdering Cross.

[is Cross actually dead?]

The Alma Karma and Kanda arc SLAPPED. I read it several years ago, but…its just very well done. Tragic. I love it.

[Kandas not dead! Yo]

[Ill stop now.]

—

I actually really like Tykis speech to Allen and Allens choice to leave everything behind to figure out what the fuck he wants and what he is, on his own. Its… weirdly fitting. I wouldnt have thought of it, but I cannot think of a better direction for this story to go.

Its almost coming-of-age-esq. Everything is against Allen right now, even his own head. Im really excited to continue the manga from where Hallow left off. I know its still ongoing (and I dont have the money to buy more than a few volumes right now), but I heard Hallow ends at around vol22-23. Theres currently 27 volumes, I think. I really like this story and where its going.

—

Im sad at how little Lavi was in Hallow. He probably wouldve taken up too much time—they only had 13 episodes and it was mainly focused on Kanda and Allen (which I love!).

I also wanted more. Nea. Noah. Mana. I want to know all of the things about them. Allen was just about to speak with Nea, just try to understand him and talk a little, when Apocryphos came in and interrupted. Maybe we get a scene like that in the manga… though, its also difficult to tell. Nea is trying to possess Allen, he may not want to “chat.” I just want to know more about them.

—

Id like to talk a bit about Nea, Mana, Allen, Cross, and the Earl now… theyre a complicated bunch.

From what Ive heard online and from the 2006 anime+Hallow, heres what Ive figured out:

Cross knew Nea and Mana before Nea died. Nea died 20yrs before Allen was born. Mana and Nea are brothers (twin?), though I think Nea was the older one(?).

Mana went a bit bonkers after Nea died. Cross says he may have not even really remembered everything while he was raising Allen.

Allen is conflicted about Mana. Hes unsure if Mana loved “Allen” because he would be Nea or because he was Allen. (Points to dream where Allen is following Mana who keeps calling him the wrong name.)

Cross promised Nea he would look after Mana because Nea would rewaken near Mana eventually.

Nea is 14 and hes attempting to take over Allens mind. He wants to destroy the Earl and take over as the Earl (or at least thats what he told Earl).

The Earl, despite being the one to kill Nea when he betrayed him, still loves Nea very much. He desperately wants Nea back at his side. The other Noah, notably Sheril, are… uncomfortable with accepting the traitor.

Now, lets get into more sussy territory.

Mana is the Earl. Big “maybe.” They both wear top hats is my main evidence lol. Also Ive heard some things about it online.

Other notable things I saw in Hallow:

Allen was a little shit before Mana died. Cross notes this in the last episode of Hallow and we see some of it firsthand in earlier eps. Apparently, he adopted a lot of Manas traits (politeness and formal speech, notably) to deal with his grief.

Cross has dad energy for Allen. You cant take care of a child for that long and that intensely without some paternal instinct kicking in.

Similarly, Allen definitely felt some affection for Cross. Though their relationship is often joked as being terrible (and it certainly wasnt good, especially considering that Cross took in Allen so he could foster 14), Allen is hella pissed at Apocryphos for killing Cross.

The name thing—Cross says before Apocryphos kills him, something along the lines of “He didnt tell me his name was Allen when I met him.” Was this meant to imply his observation of Mana, or that Allen was never really Allen? Sighs.

Also, the whole Walker thing. Just very sweet in general.

Interesting that Tyki is the one to give Allen the “come to jesus” speech. Tyki is established to be a Noah who still really values and holds onto whats left of his human life, so he (to some extent) can sympathize with Allen more than other Noah. He tells Allen to leave every side and figure shit out himself, something which doesn’t immediately benefit Tyki, but will benefit Allen.

—

Theres an overwhelming sense of resisting/being uncomfortable with ones life being on a predetermined path. This is an fitting theme to introduce in a story that focuses heavily on religious aspects. God in dgm and hallow is an… odd figure.

#i wrote this!#dgm hallow spoilers #analysis #somewhat #2868

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