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insanelyadd · 8 months

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Some Collector Character Analysis

Annoyed by people who say that the Collector's personality changed "for no reason" or who say they preferred him from season 2. Like. There is a reason he changed. He was being abused, manipulated, lied to, for 350+ years. Before that it's implied they were, at the very least, neglected by their family. I don't like when people say they preferred how he acted in season two because he was "actually threatening" or "interesting" or whatever because as someone who knows enough about this kind of thing (and that's all you're getting from me), when I see the Collector in season 2, I see a child who is reacting to their environment.

He was never evil, he was in pain and trying to conform to what he thought was expected of him by the adult that was "taking care" of him, that he thought he was friends with.

People talk about fight or flight, when there's actually three other responses, freeze, friend/fawn, and flop. I propose that the Collector's response is fawn, which is described as

"The fawn response may show up as people-pleasing, even to your detriment. You may use compliance and helpfulness to avoid abuse; you disregard your happiness and well-being no matter how poorly someone treats you. This trauma response is often used to diffuse conflict and return to a feeling of safety."

As another layer to this, I was talking to my therapist about the Collector and I asked her how a child who is very neglected might act, since I HC the Archivists were neglectful to them and also they were trapped in solitary confinement for like 2000 years minimum. And she told me "Well they would have attachment issues" either in that they cannot attach to people at all or they are instantly very attached to people. And I think it's the second one, because we see multiple times that the Collector is immediately trusting of people when he meets them. They didn't like Luz but as soon as they think they have the opportunity to befriend her, they immediately become attached. And obviously there was him trying to befriend Belos even after everything he's done to EVERYONE including them.

So I think it's super believable that they immediately attached to Belos, believing everything he was told, and trying very hard to appease and appeal to him, adopting a persona of cruelty, even if they didn't like it. He was doing it to survive, he was doing it because he was desperate for some form of love or approval.

So when we see him in season 3, the reason he's behaving differently could be multiple things:

They are now attached to King and are trying to behave more like King to appease him because that's how he lived for multiple centuries

He never was genuinely evil or malicious, at least not to the extent that he played that part in season 2, though he potentially had some more callous tendencies due to the circumstances of his family and culture

He is no longer being actively abused and the less stressful environment has drastically improved his mood and mental health

I'm willing to bet it might even be all three at once. When you're in pain you are not your best self, pain makes you behave irrationally, angrily, cruelly, especially when the pain never seems to stop, and it's even worse when you're a child and might not even recognize what's happening to you. Belos being gone, and being around King, who is also a good kid with some occasional Mal-intent, "changed" their personality because they weren't conforming themself to play the stressful role of evil side-kick in an act of self-preservation.

So anyways the Collector is cool and I love them and want to adopt them and get him some therapy.

#the collector #the collecter toh #toh the collector #the owl house #owl house #toh #character analysis #king clawthorne #emperor belos #phillip wittebane #the archivists #toh the archivists #toh spoilers #neglect mention #abuse mention

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chaoxfix · 1 year

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Hey, i might be wrong but i think i remember you making a post for international women's day, and in it you said that you went through a period of thinking you werent a woman at all but then realised you were actually a lesbian. I just wanted to ask how you figured it out? I cant figure out if im a trans guy or a lesbian and I'm sort of desperate for guidance rn. Sorry this is a bit out of the blue and i totally get it if you dont wanna talk about it. Hope you're having a good day and take care!

ah, this is definitely a tough one, so please know that wherever your journey takes you i hope you find happiness and peace! im also not the end-all-be-all and im also not the sexuality and gender police. people can have similar experiences and feelings and still end up using different terminology and understanding themselves completely in a way that's totally different from one another, so please don't feel the need to use my experience as a roadmap for yourself.

under the cut in case discussion of sexuality and gender is triggering! genuinely, for my trans followers especially, please don't feel the need to look at this if it's something you would be uncomfortable reading. my journey definitely doesn't need to be yours.

in the end there are a few important details for why i ended up thinking i was a guy, or at least nonbinary

grew up evangelical christian and never really believed or felt the faith i was 'supposed' to feel. i also had trouble connecting with my family since they earnestly did believe it. i felt like a stranger in my own home, and worried that someday they'd disown me. i was also terrified of hell, and of 'sinning'. (making mistakes - see 4)

realized i liked girls when i was 12 and not only did i not know much about being gay aside from it being a 'sin', every girl in my grade talked so much about crushes when we were 12 that i felt super isolated from them as a peer group. due to 1 (the evangelical thing) i also grew up knowing my expectation in god's eyes was to be a christian wife and mom someday, and even aside from the 'sin' aspect and the disowning aspect, realizing i liked girls and didnt really like boys, the evangelical ideal for me was suddenly so, so terrifying.

i believed i was a tomboy growing up, but ultimately had to play with mostly feminine toys bc thats what i was given. i wanted to play with my brother but i was often left behind. i had a pretty lonely childhood and associated close friendships with my brother and his friends, not me and the other girls on the playground. when i was really little my best friend was a boy who stopped being friends with me because 'girls cant play power rangers or star wars' so that was probably pretty impactful on my psyche.

i was terrified of making mistakes due to my evangelical upbringing. because i didnt have faith i was so, so terrified of anything i did that could be considered wrong. i wanted to banish everything i'd ever done wrong, even the tiniest misstep, from everyone's memory as well as my own.

i grew up feeling guilty for any of my accomplishments because i was compared favorably to my brother and instead of feeling proud of myself, i felt like the worst person alive if i was being used as 'motivation' or a 'positive example.'

i wanted so badly to be respected by peers. but there were instances where i was told at like. debate teams. 'wow, i thought you were just here to look pretty'

an older trans friend told me he wished he'd known he was trans at my age so he wouldn't have wasted so much time, and told me i was probably trans too because he'd been just like me a few years ago, and that i should get started on social transition so it'd be easier to transition medically when i was older

i had a lot of tomboy interests, and grew up really enjoying mostly 'boy' cartoons. i also really wanted to get into parkour and obstacle courses and the punk scene, which had mostly guys where i lived

i really, really, really hated myself. i would try to reinvent myself every time i moved, but no matter what, i was still myself wherever i went -- awkward, shy, smart and interesting but always puts my foot in my mouth eventually. the only way to avoid that would be to completely change myself. every memory i had, i wanted to get rid of and replace with one from someone better.

i hated my name and body and face and personality and voice and hobbies. everything that's hardest to change, i hated viscerally.

so basically, those were the top 10 reasons i thought i was trans. ultimately, i ended up not being trans. but i thought i was for the better part of 5 years, closer to 6 altogether. i went by a gender neutral name for most of that time. every day i went by that name i was convinced that someday it'd actually feel like me, and i'd feel better for changing my name. but it never really happened. but i still hated my birth name, too, so... what was the issue? i couldnt figure it out, and was so, so anxious about it.

well, turns out the issue was reasons 9 and 10. i hated myself. and that issue was caused by 1. all of it ties back to being raised evangelical christian.

ultimately, ive been dealing with handling my depression and self-hate and anxiety. and i realized that, for me, trying to be a boy, or at least not a girl, was part of me just wanting to destroy myself in any way i could.

when i was 12, i wanted to kill myself, or at least do it by 18. when i was 14, i was presented with the option of reinventing myself as a completely different person. that seemed like the better option. but i think, overall, i didn't need to destroy anything or become someone completely different.

in the end, i don't hate myself for believing i was trans for 5+ years. i wasn't correct in my assessment of myself, but obsessing over it wouldn't really do any good at this point, so i try not to overthink it. im just sad that i didnt address the actual issues i had, and instead blanketed over them with the wrong solution.

the reason i don't see myself as nonbinary or trans anymore is because i was using it to fix the problem that i thought i had, not the problem i actually did. to me, even though i sincerely believed i was at the time, i think it was a way to not be the definition of woman that my parents had. (also, especially when i'd been assaulted at a pretty young age, as soon as i was starting to 'look like a woman' it felt safer to not become one...)

anyways. i think what i needed to do all along was just hate myself less, and try to like myself more.

that's hard to do. but it came in time, with focusing on hobbies that i genuinely enjoy. making connections and friendships that i felt seen and appreciated in, not just tolerated. pushing back on my family's views. understanding that being a woman doesn't have to mean settling down with a husband and having kids. it also meant finding jobs and careers that i feel like the best version of myself in, where i feel like im doing something good for both myself and others. and trying not to base my style or my appearance on how others would view me, but instead of how i wanted to view myself.

i hope this helps you sort through your thoughts!

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lepoppeta · 1 year

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I got another one for you!! Rank the main villains/misguided antagonists of Pokémon, worst to best!

Oh gosh, this one's going to be a bit tricky.

1 - CYRUS. Team Galactic is such a fucking slog; they aren't even mildly amusing in the same way Team Rocket are, they just get in the way. At the head of this bizarrely hedonistic operation is Cyrus, a lunatic with his head so far up his own ass that he can't hear how fucking boring and self-centered he sounds.

2 - GHETSIS. He's creepy and deranged, certainly, but he's also kind of boring. In my opinion he also got a downgrade in B2W2 when he stopped being this "man behind the throne" kind of character and just became an evil dictator. N's presence is integral to his effectiveness, and once they split up he's not nearly as interesting.

3 - GIOVANNI. Credit where credit is due - Giovanni is the OG Pokemon villain, and he's not half bad either. He's also the only explicit villain that is on a League - Malva might count but I don't know if it was ever confirmed if she had anything to do with Team Flare or if she was just kind of there. Giovanni's also great because, as far as I'm aware, his ultimate goal is largely financial power, which is easier to understand than some other Pokemon villains.

4 - VOLO. Volo is where things start to get interesting in this list. He's a play on a zealous acolyte; he craves Arceus' blessing and he ends up enlisting Giratina's help to tear open a hole in the universe in order for them to meet, but he ultimately fails when you defeat him and Giratina flees. I liked his vaguely unsettling aura and the fact that he was always there when you least expected him to be, and I kind of get his motive to where he wants a reason for any suffering he faced, but ultimately the rest of his character kind of falls flat.

5 - LUSAMINE. I really liked Lusamine when I first fought her - how batshit crazy and obsessed she was; how she was willing to basically disown her own children in order to get what she wanted. In immediate hindsight her whole shpeal kind of petered out for me because I didn't know who Mohn (her long-lost husband) was and thus I had no idea what her motive was. USUM definitely did her a disservice by kinda-sorta redeeming her on-screen instead of leaving her fate up in the air like the original games did.

(The rest of these are all pretty close together in terms of how much I like them, so ranking is a little more approximate from here on out.)

6 - ROSE. SWSH unfortunately suffers from a poor plot anyway, which really doesn't do Rose any favors, but I really enjoy his calm, bussinesslike approach to everything, and how he's genuinely done good things for his community while also doing some questionable ones. I like how it's hinted that both Magnolia and Sonia regard him with hesitancy but no-one really elaborates as to why. I like how when you defeat Eternatus he just kind of... disappears, and his name is scrubbed from the League. I don't think anyone talks about him after that. That may be a plothole and not a deliberate choice, but it makes me want to study him acutely under a microscope.

7 - ARCHIE / MAXIE. (I'm counting these two as a pair because they serve the same purpose within their respective games.) My first villains! This is where my "well-intentioned but dumb" appreciation stems from; these two wanted to aid in the progress of humanity and also the conservation of certain Pokemon, but obviously didn't have any braincells dedicated to the consequences of their actions. It's actually really interesting to see them wholeheartedly regret their actions and realise their colossal mistakes in the moment.

8 - SADA / TURO AI. This villain and overall culmination of the SV story is so fucking terrifying and intimidating that I can't not love it. The plot twist that the Professor had been dead for years before your introduction to them was applause-worthy; the reveal that the AI had more affection, or at least respect, for the current world and the Professor's neglected son was heartbreaking. That was the moment that really shattered the illusion - that maybe, just maybe, Sada/Turo was a good person after all, but nope! They were just a deadbeat, obsessed parent all along.

9 - LYSANDRE. There's something about Lysandre that I find very, very appealing. He and Rose are very similar, and he also shares certain traits and motives with Cyrus of all people, but Lysandre succeeds more due to seemingly being more likable and having more genuine relationships - he at least has a friendship with Sycamore (or so the Professor claims). It's evident that no-one thought the worst of him and just considered him to be passionate about his desire to make the world more "beautiful". He sacrifices himself because he can't bear to live with his mistakes or his inability to accept the world as it is. He cries on-screen. He's a very poetic antagonist and I enjoy him immensely. Also his design is A+ and I love the way he carries himself.

#answered ask #pokemon #galactic boss cyrus #rocket boss giovanni #plasma boss ghetsis #pokemon wielder volo #aether president lusamine #chairman rose #aqua boss archie #magma boss maxie #professor sada #professor turo #flare boss lysandre

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isa-ghost · 3 years

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How do you hold onto hope that anything will be done with Anti or any of Sean's Egos? I fell out of love for JSE and his content about three years ago due to.. I guess just growing up? But I used to check back in from time to time because he used to promise that "Big Thing's" we're coming for his Egos. (Mind you this was before the pandemic took full effect so there wasn't that as an excuse.) I just recently checked his channel and saw he has taken a step back (Good for him and his mental health if he needs that!) from making content. Did he burn out? Is he ever going to do anything with the Ego's? I don't even know why I care at this point? I guess I just want logical answers and you are the smartest JSE fan I know? Anywho. Sorry for the rant. I'll get out of your asks. 🌶

Oookay unpacking this ask time.

Anon thanks in advance for sending this because as feisty as I felt at first, it helped me get out a lot of things I've wanted to say in this regard for a Long Long Time so, yeah. Thank you.

1. Personally I don't like the term "grew up" in reference to CCs or much of anything tbh, because you're rarely too old to enjoy the things you love. But I get what you mean regardless. Just wanted to plop out my take on that topic in general. Never think you're too old to enjoy something harmless though. :)

2. I've been shaky on hope lately, to be honest. He's not been doing a ton of videos in general lately, minus some strays and the Deltarune Chapter 2 series (I genuinely didnt expect him to play it bc he hadnt played another recently released big game I wanted to see him play but he did, and I'm super grateful bc it was killing me lowkey). Which obviously the decision not to make a ton of content at the moment is okay. He's very burnt out, he's been having severe health issues both physically and on/off mentally. The lack of content and low energy he's had lately is just disheartening if that's the right word idk. BUT!! We DO have a MASSIVE Thankmas stream coming in December to look forward to!

I miss him and some days I get kinda,, idk, bitter? About the radio silence. But unlike a lot of people that have been in and out of the JSE Community between 2018 to now, I respect his health and the fact that he's a whole ass human being and has a life and other things he is more than free to do instead whenever the fuck he wants. TLDR I think have better critical thinking skills than some people on here and Twitter lmao. And the last few years have been shit, both in the world and- at least on here -in the community (dare I mention the t*ablogs). Though lately the community is quiet and very very peaceful and enjoyable again. At least in my corner here.

The thing is, I'm not and was never here ONLY for egos. I love Sean and everything about him to bits. He made one of the worst few years I had in the 2010s infinitely more bearable and gave me an explosive amount of inspiration for creativity that I'd not really experienced before. And friends I'll never let go of.

I miss ego content. I want it to keep going. I'm extremely sad it might not continue. But as an artist, I know why he was promising big things once upon a time. When you're a creator and you have a story like this, you want to flesh it out. The motivation and muse is high. People are excited and you want to deliver. The difference with Sean is that he wanted it to be as high in quality as he could push for after all our excitement and incessant thirst for more. And his plans involved a budget and more than just himself and none of it was his main focus. It was a fun side project.

HOWEVER, big projects like this get interrupted by life, smaller projects, distractions and other things. Sean got SLAMMED by all of the above non-stop these last few years and then hit a bad burnout. I think that through it all, he hit that dreaded wall some artists with big, long term plans like the egos story hit and lost motivation. It got overhyped. Pressure got too crushing. Any plans he made to FINALLY continue the ego storyline got murdered by Covid more than once (which.. personally the term "excuse" sounds kinda shitty in reference to that imo but I digress). Making promises only to have outside variables beyond his control break them was killing him, so he just stopped promising. And people who have no respect or patience got annoying and some got straight up inexcusably vulgar, immature and hateful before dramatically fleeing the community in a tantrum like he'd personally come to their house and betrayed them. It was infuriating to watch go down.

But no matter how much it might hurt or be disappointing to see it die out, I'm here for Sean and his journey no matter where it takes him. I'm not sitting here being a stubborn beacon of anything. And I also recognize and (no matter how reluctantly) respect that we aren't OWED ego content. Never were. It was not an obligation no matter how many promises he made or how much hype he stirred up. And to be fair? We drove the hype a million miles further than he EVER did and we can't blame him for that. I hate the people who do. I'm grateful for the ego content we got and I'll cry if we ever get more. But if it's done, it's done and we just have to accept it. I, as sad as I am to, accept it. And we can always make our own.

And finally- thanks for the compliment. Idk if I'd say I'm the SMARTEST but that means a lot either way. :')

I hope this gave some answers even though it came out more of a vent/rant and PSA??

Obviously any JSE followers and mutuals please feel free to reblog this. But don't start any fights, not that I really expect there to be any?

#jacksepticeye #jse community #jse egos

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animeyanderelover · 3 years

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Requested from @girliesanjose123

Request: Can I have prompt 68 with Indra Otsutsuki in a soulmate AU?

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessiveness, harsh behavior, controlling behavior, kidnapping, violence, abuse

Prompt 68: “You’re all I think about. I always think about holding you, kissing you, touching you, making love to you, breeding you...”

"Don't even think about it." You flinched when you heard his cold and voice ringing through the cold air of the night, a wonderful addition to his icy tone. Just as quickly as your eyes had wandered to the forest and the idea of trying to make a run for it as soon as he was asleep, the idea left you again. Instead you just turned around, staring with a scared look in your eyes at the dancing bonfire. "I'm sorry. I won't think about it again.", you muttered quickly out, a habit you had formed due to past experiences with him.

You heard something akin to a dismissing hum from him before ot became silent between you two, the only thing that made this all not too suffocating or awkward were the random noises of the night, the crackling sounds of the fire and the swooshing created by the wind. It wasn't the first time that you two just sat there like this, not speaking to each other. You because you were too intimidated and had no idea on about what you could possibly talk about with him and him because he wasn't the very talkative type. And forcing him into a conversation wasn't very wise either, he got quickly annoyed with you.

Up until this day you had troubles believing that he was really the one you had been born to be with, your soulmate. And yet his name had been engraved on your wrist since your thirteenth year of life, written down in black letters without a chance to ever erase it again. Just like your name was written down on his wrist, he had never told you since when. The most detailed answer you had gotten from him had been that he had the mark on him since quite the long time.

Soulmates were totally romanticized in your opinion even though you understood to a very small degree why people wished to have a soulmate as well. The idea of having someone who was born to be with you and would experience something that could only be described with love at first sight was tempting to imagine. But sadly the dark side of having a soulmate was overshadowed, pushed away since people only wanted to see and hear what added up to the dream relationship in their mind.

There was no other choice than this one person who was your other half, not even if you fell for someone who seemed to fit you much more perfect. This was one of the most common misunderstandings people had about soulmates. They thought they were perfect for each other and loved each other conditionally. It was a lie. You had informed yourself, read a lot of reports and letters about it, even from people who had themselves a soulmate. And in more than a few people had described that their soulmate had been nothing near perfect, they had been lazy, selfish, mean and so much more. Some had even described how their soulmate had cheated even after they had met each other which had ended in a terrible heartbreak for both parts.

Having a soulmate didn't have to mean that they loved you as well, but once this happened, it ended in a terrible pain and depression for both parties and some had even said to die because of a broken heart. What a ridiculous thing to exist. Why would have a innocent who had done nothing wrong suffer because their soulmate had to be a dick without knowing each other even that well except the sudden attraction to each other and the knowledge that they were your soulmate?

So you had never been exactly happy when receiving that mark of yours, but everyone else around you had seemed to make a huge fuss about it. Friends and classmates had envied you for it and your neighbors had started almost gushing about the name written down on your wrist, starting to talk to you about how happy you must be to have one and how cute you would look together with them. You hadn't, but with that opinion you had been sadly alone. Even your parents had sugarcoated it, maybe because they were scared what might happen to you and this Indra if you would reject them.

But you had been completely right and you could bet that everyone in the village had sobered by now up from their delusions. If he would have kidnapped you silently, they would have assumed that you might have gone with him. But you hadn't. Instead you had tried to run away from him after only a few hours of knowing him. And you still remembered how the protests and comments to try to calm you down had died down the moment Indra had started demolishing everything in his way to catch you.

You didn't know until this day what had become of all the people in the village and if some of them were even alive. You hadn't seen much, but the short glances on the place that had used to be your home once had been enough to horrify you before you had passed out after looking in red eyes with three dots spinning inside of them.

You had by now given up asking to see your family again, every begging and pleading had been harshly and coldly shut down by him that by now you had pretty much lost all hopes. You had also given up on cursing whoever had decided to set you two up, there was nothing you could do and you had sadly no one to blame for this either, leading you to wallowing in self-pity.

The most frustrating was that you knew so little about him. He had never told you much and you had long ago lost the guts to ask him. You knew he was from far away, had left due to family issues and was planning to prove something. That was about all you knew about him next to his name and that he was insanely powerful. He could be a mass murder and you wouldn't kno. He on the other hand had wanted to know about everything about you and had forced it out of you. Well, maybe he would become more open over time. He wasn't someone who seemed to warm up quickly to a stranger.

That was probably why he was so distant and cold to you most of the time next to being very strict and controlling. He striked you as someone who viewed love and attraction as a weakness, but still seemed to be sane enough to know what would happen if he would have left you behind back then when he had met you for the first time. You had read that soulmates had gone crazy for their other half after meeting them and having to endure a longer time not touching them.

He was smart enough to fulfill those needs of his which sadly also fulfilled your needs. He hadn't engaged in anything too sexual so far, but even those forced touches of his had been enough to make you feel repulsed and yet also had pulled you closer to him. You blamed the soulmate bond for it. You knew too well that you would most likely not be able to stay like this forever, being already sometimes torn apart between your huge dislike for him and the always remaining attaction for him, the butterflies you felt whenever he seemed to become more nice and softer with you.

It was frustrating enough to make you feel like crying sometimes, you hadn't want any of this, but life had to be a bitch and decide to make him from all people in this world your soulmate. You just wished you had never been born with a soulmate or at the very least never met him. You hated how you always felt a painful stinging in your chest when he ignored you or hissed angrily at you.

You knew he had to feel the same, he had to suffer when avoiding you as well. But he was far more better in handling and hiding it than you were which was another rather hurting and harsh slap in your face. Didn't he care at all? You really just thought he was, the only reason he kept you around was because he didn't want to endure the full package of pain that came with just leaving your soulmate alone. He was just too hard to read.

And yet there were those moments where you almost got the feeling he was seeking for your touches and some sort of affirmation of you, only to push you moments later away from him and look like he had no idea what he had just done either. Such moments confused you greatly and seemed to irritate him just as much. So at the very least he seemed to slowly get pulled to you as well. Was this actually a thing to be glad or terrified over?

"Are you sulking again over the fact that we're soulmates?" His voice brought you out of your thoughtful gaze, noticing with a slight shiver that he was staring at you. You guessed you had stared too long at the mark on your wrist. You didn't know how to answer this, feeling scared that the wrong answer might lead to him getting angry again. You had learned to be careful around him, you felt most of the times like you were walking on eggshells whenever with him.

You opened your mouth shortly, only to close it again after not finding the strength to do as much as uttering a single word out. You had nothing to say if you were honest with yourself. "You're not going to answer me?"

Indra had shifted slightly closer to you, eyes drilling themselves into you with a piercing intensity. He hadn't activated them yet so that meant you were still in a green zone with him, he always activated them when he was pissed off because of something. A short glance at him made you almost believe that he seemed to display genuine curiosity right now.

You hesitated for a bit, not knowing whether to be honest with him or not. Lying was always an option, but a rather stupid one, he noticed always when you lied to him and he disliked it when you lied. "Yes, I am.", you answered for a few seconds of thick silence passing by, observing cautiously his reaction.

You had expected him to either not care or just becoming mad with you, but instead you always imagined for a second something akin to exhaustion flashing over his face. But it was so quickly gone that you weren't even sure if it had been there in the first place. But it had awakened some sort of interest in him, judging from the way his attention was now hooked on you. It made you tense up, playing with your fingers awkwardly.

"You know, I never asked you this before...But what do you think of me? Be honest." This question always made you choke on your own spit, gaping dumbfounded and majorly confused at him. His face gave no emotion away he could possibly feel right now. But from the way he was looking at you, you knew that he expeted an answer, a honest one, from you.

"You're not...what I expected." It was the only true yet subtle enough statement you could think off without saying anything that could offend him too openly.

It didn't seem to satisfy him though, he furrowed his eyebrows slightly at this very vague answer of yours. "Be more specific. I want to know."

If you would tell him, he would be angry with you, you were almost certain about it. Shouldn't it have been obvious from the way you were acting around him that you didn't like him? He couldn't be that oblivious. So if he already knew, why asking? Did he perhaps want to hear it from you personally?

"You're kind of...distant..." It sounded more like a question and you said it extremely slowly, unsureness dripping from every word. You kept by now an eye on Indra so you could react when he seemed to get offended by what you said. But at the moment he appeared to be calm, just listening and watching. "Continue."

"Well, if I'm being honest I feel a bit neglected from you. You're hard to read and I can't seem to understand what you sometimes even want from me. There are those moments where you treat me like I'm just air or some sort of dog you have to punish for bad behavior. And in other moments you are suddenly being all nice and friendly with me and almost act like you care before you snap out of it again and lash out on me. You're a bit confusing to be with and I just feel like you can't stand me at all since I make you acting like this. So emotionally."

There were quite a lot of unspoken things you could have added, but that would have taken a while and were far more offendingly than what you had put in words as politely as possible and told him just now.

He didn’t say anything which you just counted as a good thing, it meant he wasn’t mad at you...At least yet. Who knew with him and his temper. “So I take it that you don’t like me, do you?”

You quirked yourself eyebrow a few millimeters upon hearing the undertone in his voice, scanning his face. He was not angry, you could tell. It was something else right now for which you needed a few moments to look at before you suddenly understood. Was he...Was he poking fun at you?!

This made you stop thinking for a moment, you had in those past few weeks never seen him displaying many emotions except anger, impatience and from time to time those nearly desperate acts of affection. But never, never had you seen him being amused, you had thought that he had been annoyed by all of this. But now he looked like he was almost about to grin which irritated you. Why was he being entertained all of a sudden? You felt a flicker of annoyance and slight anger shooting through you, making you frown a bit.

“No, of course I like you. Why wouldn’t I like my soulmate who kidnapped me, ruined my village and life and treats me like I’m a piece of shit? I’m happy to be ignored and neglected from my soulmate who seems to not like me at all.” You could not help the sarcasm dripping from your voice whilst watching him through narrowed eyes. The last sentence from you was half the truth and half a lie. You were content with him not acknowledging your presence, it saved you from his outbursts or forced affections. On the other hand it also led you to feeling a often a tingling pain of abandonment in your chest which you didn’t like at all. You could only curse at the connection you shared with Indra. You loathed it.

You heard him scoffing, his expression telling you that he was surprised, luckily not too negatively, by your sudden attitude. “You feel neglected?”, he asked you, giving you a somewhat mischievous look which made you even more irritated. “So you want me to give you more affection? Is that it?”

You didn’t like how close he had shifted to you, it made you uncomfortable and you refused to acknowledge the happy and warm tingling this sudden closeness seemed to cause in your body. “Tell me,”, he asked in a deeper voice,”do you think I hate you and you me?”

Against your will you felt your face heating up and your heartbeat increasing, staring almost hypnotized in those deep and black orbs of his in which you, for the first time since he had abducted you, saw the sparkles of emotions. Had they always been there? Granted, it was your first time looking him so directly in his eyes.

“I-I-umm...” That was about how you sounded right now, slapping yourself mentally out of embarrassment. Why were you all of a sudden so bashful? No, you refused to let him win this. You took a deep and shaky breath to come back to your senses. “Give me a reason to not think you would hate me despite those short moments where you fulfill the basic needs every soulmate feels when with his other half. And why wouldn’t I hate you?! You dragged me in this whole mess and because of you I-“

You were forcefully silenced in a way that made your heart nearly jump out of your chest. He kissed you, surprisingly warm lips moving in a firm way against yours. And you really should have done something against it. But the moment you felt his lips against yours for the first time since you had seen him, it was like a bomb exploded in your head and all of a sudden everything inside of you seemed to slow wonderfully down, no numb stinging, no unnecessary thoughts, only you and him.

Just for a short moment you seemed to forget what he had done, letting the overwhelming feelings of the special bond between you two get the better of you. And all of a sudden you found your arms around his neck, your body screaming to be closer to him. This didn’t go unnoticed by him and you felt something that would have been a smirk if your lips wouldn’t have affectionate-starved moved against his own. At the very least he seemed to share the same hunger for touches from you like the other way around because you felt his arms suddenly sliding around you and lifting you with surprisingly much carefulness yet also eagerness closer to him, chest pressed against chest so that you two could feel each other’s heartbeat beating in sync. It was such a blissful experience for you, suddenly having so much intimacy with the man who had refused to give you what you had always wanted despite refusing to admit so.

You almost whined when he suddenly pulled away, probably because he had realized that you were running short on air which you hadn’t even realized until you panted quickly for air, body still refusing to leave his sudden embrace.

“Are you sure that you hate me? Your actions just right now seemed to tell the opposite.” He himself seemed to be out of air, you hearing his slight panting, warm air hitting your neck and causing goosebumps to rise on your skin.

You felt shame washing over you the moment you heard his questions, refusing to look him into his eyes. Your lips had pressed into an angry line, the feeling of his mouth on yours still lingering and you cussed yourself when catching yourself wishing to just slam your lips against his once again.

“What was that for right now? Did you want to torture me by showing me how pathetic this rebellious act of mine really is?” Your voice was a hushed hissing, but the bitterness laced in it was clearly audible.

“That was one of the reasons, though not the main one.” You gnashed your teeth when hearing the smugness in his voice, obviously content with what he had just seen and felt. But you also found yourself being once again confused. Not the main one? What was that supposed to mean?

You didn’t even have to ask this, he answered it without you even having to question him. “I don’t hate you. Much more on the contrary. You’re all I think about. I always think about holding you, kissing you, touching you, making love to you, breeding you...”

You felt a disturbing feeling starting to make it’s way up your throat, forming a lump on which you almost choked. By now his eyes seemed to blaze with a sudden storm of emotion which could be put together in a few simple yet terrifying words. Twisted and sick obsession.

“You will love me. You have no choice, but to do so. You can try to neglect your feelings for as long as you want, I can guarantee you that I’ll make sure that you’ll melt in my touches. We’re soulmates (y/n). You’ll come around sooner or later.”

#yandere naruto #yandere naruto shippuden #yandere indra #yandere indra otsutsuki

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prof-peach · 3 years

Note

Hey Prof, I need your advice.

My sister recently decided she didn't wanted her bulbasaur anymore (she got him on a whim about a month ago) and gave him to me, he is quite violent and tends to attack when I try to get close to him.

Now, that wouldn't be a huge problem, but my Purrloin has gotten hurt trying to befriend him, she's quite outgoing and never really liked fighting (we enjoy contests so she knows a few more flashy attacks), so she couldn't even defend herself properly.

I don't want to give up on him and my local rescue center is filled with Bunearies (you know, after Easter kids don't want their Bunny anymore) so they can't take him in right now, any advice in how I can go about this situation?

Sounds to me like you have a tricky little dude on your hands. So you're not battle orientated which will make this harder, Bulbasaur in the wild are actually quite combat minded to defend their families and territory, and a lot of their herds consist of strict hierarchy based on power and skill, often led by older, fully evolved members of their group.

Before you take any actions to befriend them, its worth noting that any pokemon who comes into your care showing aggression is usually doing so for one or two reasons that are pretty universal for any species. Fear being the main issue with pokemon who have been ditched, if a pokemon is unwell, if it feels exposed, if it is unsure of you or your home, your partners, it may lash out because it is afraid. Even what looks like pure anger can stem from a fear. Of course some individuals are just full of rage, its not unheard of, but for the most part it comes from somewhere else.

For a moment, take the time to put yourself in this pokemons shoes. It was chosen, with hopes and ambitions of its own, by your sister, a stranger to them, and for whatever reason they were cast aside. This reason may be unclear to the pokemon, it may be unfair, unkind, or even without malice just out of pure indifference. No matter the reason, this pokemon has been left behind by a trainer it at one point probably wanted to try to get along with. I don’t know what your sister may or may not have done, or provided for the bulbasaur, but it will help you understand how its feeling, if you were to ask her about their relationship prior to you receiving the pokemon. If it has always been aggressive and angry, i’d seriously consider talking to it about release, not rehome.

We humans have a preconceived notion that pokemon are pets and things to keep with us. This may be true for some sure, but not every pokemon wishes to be a captive to a human, they may want more for themselves, and wish for a free life with their own kind. We cannot put our wants and desires above that of the pokemons, so you two need to have a talk, at a respectful distance for safeties sake, to see what the Bulbasaur feels they may want. These are herd pokemon, born and bred to be with their own kind, if not a larger group, if its lonely, if it wants to go home, to start a family, or simply to not be held in a ball as some creature to be owned, then you as its current carer must give it what you can. You can always find another pokemon who wants to be your partner, but you cannot give back lost years to a pokemon who has lived a life its unhappy with. Treat them with respect, and be open and honest. At the end of the day we have a chance to help pokemon, and forcing what we want onto them is a hinderance, and will lead to them feeling unsatisfied and bitter in the long run.

Some pokemon lash out due to the process of being handed off to someone else, trust is earnt, not always just simply given to whoever holds the pokeball. Remember this as you move forward, and try to keep your other pokemon away from them, Bulbasaur are territorial species, and have to accept pokemon into their families before simply allowing them to come and go freely into their personal space. Despite their grouchy natures at times they usually do have a morally positive compass, and defend with ferocity when they love something. Perhaps in you showing genuine concern for their welfare and future, offering them not what you want, but instead what they want, they may give you a chance to get closer, but take baby steps, and try to be their friend above all else. I bet they're feeling pretty lonely right now.

Its worth sharing interests with the pokemon, talk about contests, see if they're interested, some pokemon have a predisposition for this, others have no interest and prefer more battle based lives, or even peaceful non-competitive existences. no amount of pressure will change a pokemon’s nature, and some just aren't cut out for the fine art of showmanship that contests require. You can however use powerful attacks in showy ways, so theres always hope that they could enjoy it, if you can work with them to their strengths.

If possible, work to getting them outdoors, cooping grass types up can lead to stroppy, testing personalities, many thrive in the outdoors, he may need some serious outside time to compensate for the lack of exercise and natural stimulation they may have not been getting prior to your ownership. There are plenty of areas in public that are much like tennis courts, areas of space you can book for a set amount of time too exercise difficult pokemon, these locations are often secure facilities, both outdoors and indoors, to suit a range of species. find one that has outdoor facilities and book a few hours per week to go there, increasing the time whenever possible. This exercise and time with you may help to find common ground, and topics that you and the bulbasaur can bond over. This can be anything from battles, to sun bathing, playing sports, games, swimming, running or digging, and everything in between. Bulbasaur naturally are great foragers and tend to like to snaffle about in long grass and shrubland, hiding treats like berry slices in a secure environment is good enrichment and can tire the pokemon out. a tired pokemon is usually a little less aggressive, having lower energy levels and less want to expend attacks. this process also associated you with something fun, and your scent will be on the treats too, so they'll know you were the one to provide this activity for them.

I’d also take plenty of time to observe the bulbasaur, as your sister got them on a whim, they probably had no prior knowledge of the species, or how to correctly care for them. In a month, a health complaint could have begun to show, so observe their colouration, feet, walking gait, sleeping patterns, feeding habits, and general behaviour. Excess scratching, heavy breathing, or unusual shaking or moving can suggest a health condition is starting to take form. Most can be helped if caught early, but some illnesses give the pokemon discomfort, and can lead to snappy tempers and irritability. It could be that this individual is in pain, or finding life difficult due to its health, which can cause a lot of hostility as i’m sure anyone would agree. It can suck to be sick!

This species can be won over if you can prove you have a skill of worth to them. This is the case with a lot of pokemon, having respect for something they cannot do, and learning that they need things from you can lead to them at least tolerating us humans. Its a foot in the door. A trick i like t use with particularly difficult bulbasaur is to give them their fav food, whatever it is, then put it in a clear container the pokemon cannot open. They have no thumbs, and their vines though dexterous, aren't able to open every kind of container. The pokemon will want whats inside, and be unable to access it. they will eventually give up out of frustration. this is where you come in. enter the space, don’t let your pokemon approach as this can be threatening, and open the container. leave it on the floor open, making sure they've watched you get the thing open. They can then approach and enjoy their fav food, all thanks to you and those wondrous thumbs you have. repeating this process yields good results, and starts a mutual relationship of tolerance and acceptance between you and a bulbasaur. Most will accept they want the food more than they want you gone, and you provide something they can’t get to. whatever you do, don’t let them see that you were the one to lock the food up in the container. Get a friend to do it, or do it in the room, and leave it in place on the floor, before allowing the bulbasaur to enter and investigate the item. If they see you're the one doing it, the trick is foiled, and your back to square one. Eventually this does tend to lead to the pokemon becoming less stressed with you around them, and eventually it leads to trust, and even friendship. This trick is good to use to get them use to you, once they're ok with you being around them because of your use to them, they may start to take food from you directly, engage in play, or even just sit and tolerate company for short periods of time. Do not expect this to be quick, but it does usually do the trick.

Regardless, i do have concern that the pokemon may want to be with its own, should you discuss this and find they're not interested in being housebound and a pet, feel free to send them our way, we had exactly this situation in mind when setting up the islands facilities, and have extensive locations designed with grass pokemosn needs at the forefront. Theres a small herd of about 12 bulbasaur evolutions that live north of our labs, no people see them, they are happy as a unit, and are left alone to go about their lives, with the only interactions between humans being us giving them their yearly health check, or should we spot them with an issue, we may intervene. They live away from others and pretty much free, in a poacher safe environment. Its not ideal, we like to keep pokemon in areas they come from, with people who love them, and you show great concern for the pokemon so it would be a shame to have to let them go, BUT sometimes thats just life, and theres nothing to be done about it other than accepting that the pokemons wants come first. They may just be mistrusting so try everything else first, and see how you go. hopefully you’ll yield some results from this all. Good luck out there trainer.

#long post #bulbasaur #prof.peach #peach talks

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b00t-s · 3 years

Text

We're all gossip-y bitches sometimes

this is part two

Janus xey/xem

Roman she/he

Patton he/him

Virgil he/him

See the character intros for more info

TW. Swearing, arguments, alcohol, drunk characters, the word v//mit is used once, characters being characters, past trauma mentioned, tiny tiny tiny sprinkle of angst but just a passing of it at end, and nothing to intense

Again, tell me if I'm being insensitive. Shout at me if I am.

Summary: Patton goes to talk to Janus about Roman. The group opens...'some' bottles. Virgil adds on some...interesting opinions.

Events occur few hours after this.

Janus just finished xeir nightly shift when Patton came bounding up to xem. Janus raised an eyebrow at how ecstatic he looked.

"Yes?" Xey managed out, forcing back the hundreds of snarky comments xey could of said right then.

"Can you hang out at My house later?" Patton practically beamed out.

"why would I want to 'hang out'? It's just a social construct created to give people a higher sense of being." Janus remarked, flipping to closed/open side to closed.

"So you'll be there?"

"hmm. Will doom-and-gloom be there?

"doom and---ohhh, Virge. Yeah, probably," Patton realised now that this was a bad mix of people to invite "probably-probably not for long though!"

"Fine" Janus replied, taking off xeir apron. Xey ignored the obvious lie. "I'll be there in an hour." Xey knew one way or another xey would end up there due to Patton's... effective persuading.

"Great!" Patton exclaimed "oh yeah, and...um...it's raining outside so..take my umbrella, kay?"

His tone more serious all of a sudden, Patton nodded to Janus' heavily made up face, so well done an ignorant bystander wouldn't of noticed the thick layers of foundation on xeir face.

Patton handed xem a translucent umbrella, patterned with cute frogs and flowers, to Janus. Ignoring the distasteful cartoons, Janus nodded and took the umbrella.

"See you soon, Jan!" Patton cheerily waved as he bounced off.

Janus folded xeir apron, opened Patton's umbrella and braved the outdoors.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Janus arrived at Patton's house exactly on time, bone dry, despite the heavily flowing rain. Patton expected nothing less of his friend. He invited xem inside, amazed as always by his friend's everyday fashion.

Jan was wearing a casual yellow shirt over a long sleeved black shirt. Fishnet gloves adorned xeir hands, and xeir ruffled hair was let lose.

Xeir fashionably messy hair was topped with a neatly placed black fedora, which of xey never took off. Xey even scarred persuaded Thomas to let xem wear it to work.

Patton offered xem a smile, and walked xem upstairs. "Hi Jan!" He grinned.

"Hello" xey replied mundanely.

Xey absent-mindedly glanced at Patton's outfit, which contained a violet cashmere sweater, bell bottomed jeans, circular silver glasses and a sunflower clip in his perfect curls.

It was a good look, xey had to admit.

When they both reached Patton's room, Janus stood still, taking in xeir surroundings.

Patton's room was covered with things from the 2000's; Tamagotchi's, stickers pressed up against the pastel wall, stuffed animals, wristbands, old CD's, care bears posters and butterfly clips littering the floor in a deadly trap.

A trans flag was pinned above the single bed with blue tack, right next to some inspirational and motivational quotes.

The whole place looked like it had been puked on by unicorns.

It hurt Janus' eyes.

Xey was a little overwhelmed by all the spiraling colours and nostalgia-inducing objects, so xey sat cross-legged in the middle of the pink carpet. The world slowed down.

Janus wondered, not for the first time, how a 29 year old could be this cheerful.

Or appear this cheerful.

"Jan?"

Janus gave a small twitch of xeir head, realising that xey had spaced out. "Hmm?" Xey replied.

"Hey, you were up with the clouds! I was just saying, I think Virge is here" Patton chirped.

"oh"

"he...might be staying for a little longer then i said"

"How wonderful." Janus muttered, knowing this would happen but hating it anyway.

"oh, don't be like that! I'm sure you guys could become friends!" Janus snorted. "Or...at least not kill at each other whenever you're in the same general area" Patton corrected.

"Anyway! I'm going to greet him at the door!" He suddenly proclaimed, skipping downstairs.

Janus was disgusted at how naïve this man was.

But that was a lie.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Patton slowed his happy skip to a casual walk. His grin slipped into a content smile as he reached the end of the stairs. Being so happy takes its toll on people, he thought. Soft tapping of the door interrupted his thoughts as he opened the door to reveal Virgil.

The first thing you notice about this man was his unfair tall-ness. He nearly had to duck to get inside; being too skinny didn't help. Virgil was wearing a plain black hoodie over a mcr top, completing the look with a short, pleated skirt and docs. His face was slathered in white foundation, accompanied with dark eyeshadow under his eyes.

"Virge!! I'm glad you could make it, even if you are late!!Again!" Patton hugged his friend, genuinely glad for his presence. The taller man patted Patton's curls awkwardly.

"Heyyyy Pat-" Virgil did the awkward pats on the back everyone does when they want to get out of a hug but don't want to say it in fear of hurting ones feelings. "Traffic-"

Patton withdrew from the hug and smiled. "okay! at least you're here safe! Can't control the traffic"

"Janus is waiting for us upstairs" Patton continued. He hurriedly carried on speaking before Virgil could spit out an insult about xem "say, you know what I hate about stairs? They're always up to something!" Patton laughed at his own joke, whilst Virgil pretended to face-palm, hiding a snigger.

"Alright, Alright dAd, didn't you say snake face was waiting for us?" Virgil mocked. Patton chuckled uncomfortably at the nickname, but nodded nonetheless.

"Yeah, we shouldn't leave xem waiting"

They both entered his room, having walked the short journey there in a comfortable silence. Patton noted Janus had not moved from were he left xem; xey had just shifted to read a book xey most likely found lying around. Janus looked up upon their arrival, xeir face immediately twisting into a mocking grimace upon seeing Virgil. "ah, you brought the racoon"

"Janus play nice--"

"you're one to talk, you participated in 2012 Tumblr" Virgil threw back

"must you be so wounding" Janus dramatically threw xeir hand against xeir forehead.

"okAY, that's enough guys." Patton firmly said. Janus pulled a face in reply, and Virgil returned the favour. Patton sighed. He just wanted them to get along, which was probably a high expectation by itself.

Perhaps he had booze leftover somewhere.

--------------------------------

Twelve near fist fights, two crying sessions and many, many, many bottles of alcohol later, it was nearing eleven pm and the group was drunker than a litter of catnip high kittens.

They all crowded into a close-knit circle on the bed, nearly falling off but not caring.

"ssso your telling me that flashy asss hhimbo sssssaid I wasss hot but then rude and that I wore too muchh makeup? What a *hic* bitchh" Janus hissed.

Patton giggled. "yeeeeee, be nice though! She was kindaaaa alllllllll over the place!" Patton continued bluntly, "But how would you feel if I set you guys up????~"

"oh pleassssse do, I would just love that" Janus may be trashed but xey still knew sarcasm. Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending who you are, Patton did not.

"yayyy! This is gonna be great!!"

Virgil butted in then, waving around the bottle he was holding "hold on, just holllld on a minute there, you're planning to set up that" he vaugly gestured in Janus' direction "with Princy??? Xey've known her for what, 4 minutes? Life isn't a disney movie"

"Dare I detect a hint of jealousy there emo?" Janus purred "am I that lovable?" Xey hiccuped.

"ooooooooh" Patton leaned into the circle, loving the drunk drama.

"wouldn't you like to know weather boy" Virgil droned back, finishing off the bottle.

"Honey, I would dare ssay that was a yesss"

"nO"

"oooooo, you liiiiike meeeEe"

"you disgust me"

"kinky"

Patton shook his hands excitingly at them, nearly hitting Virgil, causing them to shut up. "I can't believe you're finally open to a relationship after what happened! With my best friend no least! Boy did I try to get you to go on more dat--" Patton suddenly clasped his hands over his mouth as if he just said something nasty.

Everyone went silent. Janus stared at Patron, xeir mouth slightly parted. Virgil laughed nervously to try and break the tension. It sounded strained.

Janus began to speak to stop Patton from starting to spout drunken apologies. "Well thatssss jusst a liee, I've dated pleeenty of people over..well...that...period..of time."

Everyone went silent again, not quite sure on what to say.

Virgil's anxiety was heightening due to the social awkwardness and the influence of the alcohol.

Patton was fidgeting in his lap.

It was Janus yet again who broke the uncomfortable atmosphere.

"Sssso, *hic* you ssaid you wanted me to go out with thisss idiot?"

----------------------------------

first-previous-next

updated masterpost

tag list: @arrowthenon-binaryroyalty, @spellingwillbethedeathofme,

ask if you want to be added or removed from tag list

and we meet our boi virgil

context is for losers

i could of probably cut out unnecessary things in that but y'know I'm new and I like it

these posts will be in chronological order, unless flashback, but it's not following a set-in-stone story line, so asks are, yet again, much appreciated.

I procrastinated too much during the making of this

#sanders sides #sanders sides fanfiction #sanders sides fic #janus sanders #genderfluid!janus #patton sanders #trans!patton #virgil sanders #alcohol mention #Janus what have you agreed to #hiss hiss bitch #this story is all over the place plz #roceit #platonic moxiety #This won't and never will be a moxiety fic I'm sorry #their father ans son relashionship #no hate on the ones who do ship it #it just isn't my cup of tea #Ok-ish

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yanderehive · 4 years

Text

General Headcanons ~ Yandere!All Might

ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ ➳ toshinori yagi x reader

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢs ➳ none

ɢᴇɴʀᴇ ➳ headcannons

ʜᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴇʏ ɢᴏᴛ ɪɴꜰᴀᴛᴜᴀᴛᴇᴅ

It'll honestly take him some time to come around to actually notice you

He's a bit oblivious, especially if you know him in his small might form

He's insecure about his looks in this form and genuinely think he has little chance at romance

but once he does realize someone is actually interested in him no matter how much, his heart practically soars

He won't mess up this chance is the promise he makes to both you and himself

It'll take some time but eventually his adoration for you grows into an infatuation he can't seem to shake

Watching you from across the room, stealing small glances at you while you work, and desperately trying to keep a conversation with you

Toshinori will also want to know everything there is to know about you

Who are you really? Why do you like him?

You become his light and his world, and soon everything will begin to revolve around you

ᴡʜᴀᴛ's ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ʏᴀɴᴅᴇʀᴇ ᴛʏᴘᴇ?

He's without a doubt an obsessive and protective yandere

His thoughts are often plagued by you when he's alone

He wonders if you've eaten, rested, or done anything interesting today

He daydreams often about you telling him about your day when he comes home from work and how your eyes would light up when you greet him

He does however have his possessive moments

He doesn't want you to leave him and is always a bit paranoid you'll find someone better, someone stronger

sᴛᴀʟᴋɪɴɢ & ᴋɪᴅɴᴀᴘᴘɪɴɢ?

It's not so much stalking, its moreso Toshi following you around

He can be a bit overbearing and when he notices you've picked up on it, he falls back and chooses to instead just observe you

He's slick about how he gets information about you

He disguises it as genuine interest which it is in a way, but does it so casually his darling wouldn't think anything of it

Due to his paranoia and obsession with you, him bringing you home with him isn't too outlandish

He wouldn't jump at the chance to take you, but it does cross his mind often

You would be safer, better protected against any villains who have a vendetta against the retired symbol of peace

Hearing your cries and pleads to be free break his heart

Why can't you see that he's doing this for you?

He learns to block it out, but the thought of you fearing and or hating him hurts a lot more than he lets on

ʜᴏᴡ ᴛɪɢʜᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴀ ʟᴇᴀsʜ?

All might is fairly stern with what you can and cannot do

It's not because he doesn't want you to have freedoms, but he doesn't want to take the risk of you getting hurt

Cooking for example, is a big no no unless he's there to supervise

What if you accidentally burn yourself? What if you slip on water and hurt yourself?

He can't take that chance, he won't

Relaxing and roaming the halls of his home are the only things he'll let you do alone

Anything else he has to be there

If he can't be a hero for everyone else anymore, he can at least be one for you

He doesn't like punishing you at all

He feels that whatever you've done to upset him had to have been a reaction to something he has done

So he'll just take away even more privileges, restricting practically everything you could do to kill time until you go stir crazy

Don't get the wrong idea, he's not all that much of a softie with discipline

If it still doesn't work, he would definitely make an example out of a few friends or family members of yours

All the years of his experience taught him to know just where to hit to make it count, quirk or not

ʙᴇɪɴɢ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʏᴏᴜ ᴠs ᴀ ʀɪᴠᴀʟ

It's been quite some time since he's had a lover, so be patient with him

He's awkward at first, but still very loving

He loves to do domestic things with his darling like cooking and doing laundry

It gives him a sense of peace, like maybe you don't hate him as much as he thought

He adores you and hangs onto your every word

so if you happen to mention your favorite food or something along those lines, expect it to turn up somewhere in the house waiting for you

Although he can't activate his quirk for very long anymore, he'll still do it in attempts to make you laugh

If you show any kind of care towards him like worrying over his health, he'll be over the moon and will coddle you afterward

Playing with his hair or complimenting him boosts his ego greatly, do it and you'll be rewarded in more ways than one

Toshinori is a very forgiving man, but there's only so much a person can take

Drawing the attention of another will never end well for all three parties involved

The rival will of course be disposed of quickly and mercilessly, leaving him to come home to you, still donning the blood of said rival

He normally would hide this from you, but in this case, he'll make sure you see it to make a point

As for you, you'll obviously be distraught as anyone would, especially after for the first time since your stay with Toshinori, he threatens you, in a way

He doesn't threaten harm or anything, but he does make a point to tell you what happens to people that try and come between you

As for Toshinori himself, after he's calmed down, he'll apologize endlessly and try to make up for any stress he's caused you

But he still stands firm on the fact he will bring an end to anyone trying to steal you away, friend or foe

#yandere bnha #yandere bnha x reader #yandere all might #yandere all might x reader #yandere pro hero #yandere pro heros #yandere requests #yandere headcanons #yandere general headcanons #yandere ua #yandere mha #gender neutral #gender netural reader #yandere reader insert #yandere rival #yandere au #yandere x reader #yandere anime

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jjmaybanksblog · 4 years

Text

The Book of You & I- Rafe Cameron

Summary: Based on The Book of You & I by Alec Benjamin

The Book of You & I- Rafe Cameron x fem reader

Summary: Based on

Word count: 2,900

Warnings: Angst, brief nudity mentioned, is kissing a warning?? all together sadness

Disclaimer: The female pronouns have been changed to male since this will be from a girls pov

Flashback in italics

Well, it all began in the back of his car

I was just sixteen, but I fell so hard

You and Rafe Cameron sat in the trunk of his jeep. Rafe had asked you on a date a few days before this, quickly realizing he was falling for you hard and fast.

He drove you two up to the look-out hill, which gave you a beautiful view of the Outer Banks. He decorated the trunk with pillows and small fairy lights, playing music in the background. You were resting your head on his chest, feeling at peace as you listened to his calm heart beat.

It was when he kissed your forehead did you realize you were falling for him just as hard. Every moment you spent with him then you fell harder and harder. He never failed to make you smile and feel loved when you needed it most which you greatly appreciated.

Well, the years went by and he held my heart, but his love ran dry and we fell apart

You and Rafe had been dating for 3 years now. 3 years of going on dates, surprising each other with gifts, going to parties together, mind blowing sex, spending nights together. You thought everything was going beautifully.

However, as time went by everytime you tried to hang out with your boyfriend, he said he was always busy, coming up with excuses on why he couldn't go out when in reality he was partying with his friends and snorting coke.

I felt him growing distant, I knew his love was shifting

"Why are you constantly up my ass what the fuck is that about lately?!" Rafe screamed in your face. You two were in the middle of an argument after you asked him why he hasn't been around lately. He snapped at you as soon as you asked.

"Why are you yelling at me?" You raised your voice back, genuinely confused as to why he was acting so hostile towards you. "Because I'm not happy in our relationship anymore!" He screamed, red in the face. Your mouth fell open at his confession, a strong tension filling the room. Your eyes stung with tears, furrowing your eyebrows at him.

"What?" Your voice was barely audible as he kept his stare at the floor, rubbing his hands through his hair.

"I'm not happy anymore. I just- I don't know I'm not… in love with you anymore." A sob escaped your lips as you took in his words. You didn't say anything else to him as you walked out of his bedroom, slamming his door shut. You attempted to collect yourself at least until you were back in your car.

Accidentally bumping into Sarah, your head hung low as you apologized. "Y/N, you okay?" Your eyes met Sarah who softly gasped at your red eyes. Quickly shaking your head, you left the Cameron household, and entered your car. Your fingers gripped your steering wheel until your knuckles turned white.

You inhaled sharply, wiping the tears out of your eyes you sped out of the driveway, your grip never ending up on the wheel.

And all that I could say was, don't tell me that it's over, the book of you and I. Now you've scribbled out my name and you've erased my favorite lines

You cried into your pillows for days on end, avoiding your friends calls and texts, not going to the dinner table to eat with your family, not leaving your bed in general. You sent countless nights, playing back memories in your head of the two of you. You questioned yourself so many times, wondering what you did wrong that made him fall out of love with you.

For the first time in a week you checked your social media. Your thumb hovered over Rafe's instagram account. Before you could stop yourself you scrolled through his posts, your grip tightening on your phone you saw all of his posts with you were deleted. Biting your tongue, you didn't hesitate to archive the pictures of you two on your account. Throwing your phone on the end of the bed, you sniffled before clutching onto your pillow.

There were so many chapters that we never got to write, like cereal for dinner and staying up all night.

For your 1 year anniversary, Rafe had bought you tickets to see your favorite band, getting you front row seats. You were forever grateful that Rafe had done that for you, even when you told him he didn't have to do anything so big.

You and Rafe stood side by side, his arm around your shoulder, your hand resting on his chest. Chills were sent down your spine as the crowd screamed and cheered as the band appeared on stage. Rafe shifted you so you were in front of him, your back against his chest.

You shut your eyes in happiness, listening to the crowd sing along to the lyrics. Letting the feeling of euphoria take over your body, you rested your head on his shoulder, holding his hands in place on your waist.

The concert lasted almost 2 hours, making it 3 a.m. when you two returned back to his house. As soon as the both entered your house, Rafe threw himself on your couch, his body exhausted from all the adrenaline. You giggled at your boyfriend, entering the kitchen to make bowls of cereal. Pouring Fruit loops into two bowls, you added the milk and grabbed two spoons.

Plopping yourself next to Rafe's head, you shook the cereal box, his head snapping up to look at which one you grabbed. A dorky grin appeared on his face, sitting up and tucking his legs underneath. "You know what to do." You handed him the remote. He shoved a spoonful of cereal into his mouth before turning the TV onto Spongebob.

I remember where we started, I remember how you looked

Before Rafe asked you on your first date, he asked you to senior prom. He knew you were a sucker for surprises so he gathered his friends to help lead you to the outside bus dock. There Rafe stood with a glass jar in his hands. You walked up to him and read the sign, 'be a smartie and take this dum dum to prom!' In the glass vase was the smarties candies on the bottom, and dum dumb lollipops on top.

Not being able to hold back your smile, you happily said yes to him, earning cheers and whoops from everyone around you.

Once prom actually came around, you never forgot what he looked like. He showed up at your door in a light blue tux, a corsage the color of your dress in his hands. You could easily tell he was nervous, but as soon as he saw you all of his nerves left. "You look… stunning." He exhaled, truly at a loss for words.

"Thank you! You clean up well." You joked, your hand skimming across the hems of his tux. His hand delicately cupped the side of your waist. "You truly do look like a princess."

But now I'm missing bits and pieces from the pages that you took. You didn't give a reason, I'll forever wonder why, we never got to finish the book of you and I.

You snuggled into your blankets, letting out a loud sigh. A soft knock echoed from the outside of your door. "Go away mom." You called out, only to hear another knock and the door opening. You flipped around to see Sarah Cameron standing at the foot of your bed with a box of pizza and plate of cookies.

After you thought you were out of tears, more tears swelled in your eyes at the sight of her. She joined next to you in your bed, holding you in her arms as you sobbed into her chest. Resting her chin on the top of your head, Sarah held you, her heartbreaking to hear your distressed sobs. "Shhh. It's okay, I got you." She mumbled.

"He never told me why," you started as you pulled away from her, wiping your tears on your blankets. "I don't know what I did wrong." You mumbled, picking at your fingernails. "Y/N, you did nothing wrong. Rafe is just an asshole, and I am so, so sorry for everything he's put you through recently."

Sarah slid the box of pizza towards you, a small smile on your face you took a slice and nibbled on the end. "Before I hug you more, I need you to take a shower." Sarah admitted before grabbing a slice for herself. You immediately dropped the pizza, apologizing before running into the bathroom.

Well, I bought a pen and I turned the page. Then I wrote about how I wish you'd stayed. I said all the things that I never got to say. Maybe when it's done, I will feel okay.

You sat at your desk, you thumb anxiously clicking the top of the pen. Your mom had bought you a journal to write down everything that you had going on in your mind. She said it would help you at least organize some thoughts instead of having them jumbled together in your head.

You sighed loudly before writing a letter that you knew you'd never send.

Dear Rafe,

God, I never thought I'd be writing this letter. I never thought we would break up. I never expected you to fall out of love with me. Everything just feels… out of place. You were my safe zone, out of everything that was changing in my life you constantly stayed by my side through everything and I loved that about you. I wish you were still with me. I don't know why after everything you've done to me recently, but I miss your touch. I miss the smell of your cologne. I miss your cute nicknames for me. I miss watching Disney movies with you. I miss staying up with you. I miss all of you. I never told you this, but I always pictured us getting married. I pictured you proposing to me after like our 5 year anniversary. We would have two kids, you would get to pick where we'd live. I'd get to change my name to Y/N Cameron. My bed feels empty without you. You were my first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first time, my first love, and as much as this hurts now, I am forever grateful you taught me how to love. I love you Rafe Cameron. No matter what.

Love,

Y/N

That he had grown so distant and that his love had shifted. I wish he felt the same.

Sarah finally convinced you to go to the beach with her due to you staying inside for nearly 3 months. You were about to meet Sarah's boyfriend and his friends for the first time. At first Sarah told you that she could cancel on John B, but you refused and insisted on meeting everyone.

You sat next to her on your towel, letting the sun hit your skin. You couldn't help but softly grin at the warm feeling. "Guys! Over here!" Sarah called out. A group of teens walked over to you two, welcoming smiles on everyone's faces. "Guys, this is Y/N. Y/N this is JJ, Kiara, Pope, and my boyfriend John B."

You stood up from your spot and welcomed Sarah's friends with a smile. Kiara on the other hand pulled you into a tight hug. You let out a surprised laugh, hugging the girl back. Sarah had explained to them that you had just had a rough break up and to stay away from the topic.

"You give really good hugs." You admitted, releasing the girl.

The day was going beautifully, everyone was swimming or surfing. You finally felt relaxed, like everything is okay. "Hey! Y/N look at this!" John B randomly shouted. Your head snapped towards him, looking at the shell he had in his hands. You observed it before a familiar voice echoed from further down the beach. Your hands dug into the sand, John B looking down at you with pity in his eyes.

"It's him isn't it?" He softly nodded his head. You squeezed your eyes shut and took a deep breath. JJ appeared by your side, "you want me to teach you how to surf?" Your heart felt warm at his offer. Nodding your head, you followed JJ into the ocean, your eyes not daring to look at Rafe.

Don't tell me that it's over, the book of you and I. Now you've scribbled out my name and you've erased my favorite lines.

After a long day of JJ teaching you how to surf, everybody agreed to get dinner at The Wreck. You jumped out of John B's van, holding the front door to the restaurant open for your friends. You stepped foot into the dining room, only to pause in your steps.

You didn't care that you saw Rafe, you cared that you saw some girl under his arm. Your friends saw the color leave your face, all of them shoving back out the front door. You inhaled and exhaled harshly to prevent yourself from crying. "Hey. hey, come here." Sarah comforted you in her arms, trying your best to maintain your composure. You quickly stepped away from her, "no, no it's okay. I'm okay," you lied, shaking your hands out, "I think I just need to go home."

Kiara nodded her head, "I'll take you home if you want." You shook your head, "no it's okay. I'm just gonna walk home." Sarah's eyebrows raised up. "Y/N that's like an 8 mile walk." You shrugged your shoulders. "I just want to be alone and walking is good. I'll text you when I get home, okay?" Everyone gave you a hug before watching you walk away from them.

The moment you had your back turned on them, you broke down. How could he have moved on so quickly? Was she just a fling or a new relationship? So many questions in your mind, you knew could not be answered.

There were so many chapters that we never got to write, like cereal for dinner and staying up all night.

Rafe gently nudged your body, "psst. Baby, are you awake?" He whispered. You flipped around and faced him. "I haven't been able to sleep at all." You said, your hand immediately finding its place on the side of his face. "Wanna go skinny dipping?" He suggested. You jumped out of his bed as soon as he finished his sentence. He knew you had always wanted to try that, and since his parents were renovating a house that was 6 hours away staying a hotel, he knew this was a perfect time to do it.

You raced him down the stairwell and into his backyard. Quickly stripping, you were left in nothing. You jumped into the water, thankful that the pool lights were off. Rafe jumped in, joining you. You leaned your head back, letting the water sweep through your hair.

Rafe swam up to you, his hands finding your butt as you wrapped your legs around his waist. "I don't know why we didn't do this sooner." You joked, pressing your chest against his. He swiped a stray piece of wet hair away from your eyes, his thumb shifting down to your lips. "Because we both know where this would lead." His thumb skimmed across your bottom lip, allowing you to open your mouth to kiss it.

I remember where we started, I remember how you looked, but now I'm missing bits and pieces from the pages that you took. You never gave a reason, I'll forever wonder why, we never got to finish the book of you and I. Don't tell me, tell me that you're leaving me. My belly hurts and my heart is hardly beating right, I hate to beg, but I'll try one last time.

Dear Rafe,

It's been exactly one year since we broke up. I became friends with some Pogues. I know you'd flip on me if I told you that and we were still together, but they're treating me better than you have towards the end of our relationship. I'm not gonna lie, I still miss you sometimes, most of the time actually. I'm still confused on why things ended the way they did. You've avoided me the entire time, leaving me without a clue and I hate it. I picked at every flaw about myself, trying to figure out if that's why you left. Do you know how mentally draining that is? God, it fucking sucks. I stopped crying over you though. Yeah it hurts my heart when I see you, but I think I wasted all my tears on you. I really don't know why I'm even writing to you anymore, I feel like I told you everything I needed to. I used to beg every day and pray every single night to get you back, and it hasn't happened. But I get it now. You finished our story before I got the chance to finish it myself, and that's just how love works sometimes. I'll never forget you Rafe Cameron, but I'll also never forgive you.

Sincerely,

Y/N

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snowfianna · 4 years

Text

Fable IV rant:

I'm so pumped up for the 23rd because everything has led me to believe that Fable 4 will be announced this year and the game's existence has been confirmed for a while anyway it's just a matter of time of when will Fable 4 show itself. It's a badly kept secret tbh.

So to those who don't mind a big rant or wish to add on to my rant- here we go!

Can you imagine how good the graphics would be for this game, we've all seen modern games, surely, and they're all bloody fantastic looking. Fable Legends is technically the most recent Fable game despite it being a free to play online game

and that it's cancelled

but it also had a gorgeous look to it all! And the character models did great justice to the concept art and honestly that has my hopes real high because I love the concept art of Fable, specifically from Mike McCarthy, so exaggerated and recognisable- yet in all the games I can confidently say they did not do justice to his character design, specifically for Reaver. Sure, he looks stunning in the third game, but not quite what he looks like in his concept art sadly.

But also, since Fable was made in Unreal Engine (I'm pretty sure at least) we've seen examples of what can be done in Unreal Engine now and it's absolutely breath taking!

If you haven't seen here are some examples and they're so life-like.

Moving on from graphics!

Since Playground Games is behind the development of Fable 4, they would be spectacular at an open spaced world, judging from the Forza games.

I always loved the open world feature added to Fable, it made things more adventurous and you could do so many things that weren't at all related to the main quest to progress the story and it was just thrilling to see there were other things going on! I'd love to just have my dog companion running through fields, fighting enemies left and right and finding buried treasure or forgotten chests.

Run into strangers who request aid in something silly or rather serious and it would be up to you with how you go about the quest or if you even accept it to get renown or gold. Cause a massacre in towns and villages, running off with low morality and plentiful loot- oh one could fantasise of this all day.

Story, characters, writing and voices.

Fable has always had a fun environment of fantasy and a rather good story (despite the curse of mundane or pathetic boss fights in which I hope Fable 4 breaks this cycle) but the one thing that's always kept me on my feet in the games is the writing and the characters. It always just tried not to take itself too seriously, throwing in absurd quests that probably requires cheese or a really weird-looking outfit. It always kept my attention rather than just pure edge and seriousness of life or death.

The characters are a given, the writing done for them all is perfect in my eyes, I love hearing the variations of how characters of NPCs interacted (enough so that I even bought two of the Fable books written by Peter David). Despite Fable 3 not being the greatest at it's time, I found myself absolutely enjoy the characters for how they were- I even cried over Walter's death because it genuinely felt like I lost somebody pretty close (RIP Walter🙏). The writing and the chosen voice actors were superb and I'd love more of it.

I hope this time we can receive a full story instead of how Fable 2 and 3 were where plenty of plot points and such were cut out due to time constraints- thanks Microsoft, very cool. I'm still in anguish when listening to the Developer's Diary 3 of Fable 3 hearing lines that were just never said in the final product and it was definitely not just additional lines that weren't required as it seemed to mention entirely different things that weren't in the game; i.e. Reaver talks about his pirates in Bloodstone and how he misses them- in the final product he never mentions it and it's even shown that he's tried to completely bury his pirate past for whatever reason.

The pacing in Fable 3 was rather strange too, it felt like the revolution should've lasted longer.

Another hope of mine is to have choices that aren't so painfully black-and-white because it's very obvious which is the good or bad option to a scenario- personally for me I'd like to be morally grey rather than pure good or pure evil.

They better have kept the mechanic of your actions affecting your appearance too to the point where you grow horns and get cracked magma-like skin or this slight glow and aura around you and this flawless skin. It kind of died down in Fable 3, only looking more tired or have completely black eyes and the good- eh yeah not much I can say for when you're good. Purity and corruption seemed to also vanish in Fable 3 (at least I think) since you couldn't really change prices of the homes you were renting out, unless I've been a big goof who didn't arrange the rent prices in the game because I didn't know how.

Combat

Combat in all the games was rather straight forward, especially in Fable 2 and 3 where everything was just easy to beat or you could get overpowered around the start of the game. I'd hope the combat improves greatly this time and even bring back real consequences to dying instead of immediate revival with some lost experience and a scar. We need more serious consequences to your actions (this can be applied to all decisions rather than just if you die in a battle) even if it's just having to reload the last checkpoint. Makes things more challenging this way.

Another thing is to make boss fights less repetitive and simple- sure I can forgive it if the boss is from around the start but if they had phases you had to keep ontop of and didn't rely on summoning a bajillion other enemies to strike you, I'd be ever so grateful.

And if there's other characters fighting along side you, I'd hope they'd genuinely be helpful and keep up to speed with the player. I'm sure the AI in the past was the problem for this as AI wasn't at its best during that time so characters fighting by you didn't do too much or just did whatever that wasn't helpful. Now though, AI has improved immensely (I mean look at The Last Of Us 2, the AI is👌) and due to this, I'm sure characters would make battles more fun and the characters be more involved with the fight and even story.

Mana should be brought back as well, in Fable 2 and 3 mana just ceased to exist so you could just endlessly and repeatedly use the same spells and it just gave you too much power and the enemies barely stood a chance.

We need challenges people- CHALLENGES!

Medieval times? Yes.

I love Medieval fantasy and as much as I like the Victorian era too, I didn't think it quite suited Fable, as fascinating as it was to see fantasy turn industrial, it kind of took away from the Fable feel that I so crave. If they have indeed brought the game back to medieval times it means more creatures and enemies are back rather than driven away or limited to the same handful of enemies.

We can all also agree the guns were overpowered, though I did like receiving the Red Dragon late in Fable 2 to absolutely mow down enemies, it was satisfying to say the least. However, guns were far too powerful for the game, so I demand the bows and crossbows back thank you very much- or even throwing knives- I'll take what I'm given.

I'd love to see more of the natural landscape rather than towns or buildings that took over once entirely natural areas (Millfields/Bowerlake). However, I won't object to ruins of old buildings taken over by nature.

Skeptical with Playground Games? Don't be.

Are you worried that Playground Games wouldn't do justice to Fable since it's not Lionhead Studios? Don't be, it's been noted that Playground Games has hired several ex-lionhead workers and plenty other skillful workers to ensure we get the best product. I have high hopes and expectations for Fable 4 even if it's developed under a different studio, I've seen great things from them and I will believe they'll deliver us only the best.

Side note to all this

I will crash and burn if I don't see a crumb of Reaver or Jack of Blades in Fable 4- I don't know how true any rumours are of Fable 4 with time travelling and Jack returning, but we'll just have to see. Reaver still remains as my absolute favourite character of all time and I'd love to see more of him, even see him before he was 'Reaver'.

Jack too, more of his lore is stated elsewhere rather than in the game itself and I'd love to see it all be brought into light and really expand on his lore and make it known- rather than have ever-loving Fable fans like me dig around for these rather delicious bits of canon information.

That's my big rant, feel free to share your thoughts and what you'd look forward to!

Have some accidental art leaks from a Playground Game concept artist- believed to be for Fable 4👀

#fable #fable 2 #fable 3 #fable 4 #rant #honestly if you read this you have my respect #ramble

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iwritethat · 5 years

Text

Wally West: One

A/N: This was a detour from what I was doing. Oops.

Warnings: None

>>>>——————————>

"M'gann?"

"Yes."

"The cute alien chic?" You thought of the girl, clarifying it was indeed the correct one.

"Yes."

"And you're sure this one is the one because you said that 3 girls ago."

"Yes... I mean no, I don’t know - look can you please help me (Y/n)." Wally playfully pleaded with you like he’d done on multiple occaisions prior to this and you could only shrug in defeat.

"Sure but my conditions remain the same."

"I know, no bragging, pizza on me, you pick the film for the next 3 weeks."

"And?" You mockingly coaxed, knowing how much the next particular demand pained him which was evident in his deadpan but reluctant tone.

"And no mocking your dates."

"Good."

The following day you’d stategically accompanied Kid Flash on a visit to Mount Justice, the sight of you two together was no surprise to Robin, Aqualad nor Speedy though the remainder were intrigued by the mysterious stranger so Wally proudly made introductions.

"Hey M'gann, Conner, this is (Y/n)."

"Ah, this is who you love so much to talk about!" The Martian beamed grasping your hands as you shot a glare to a flustered Wally, the guy sheepishly running a hand through his strands.

"Is this your... girlfriend?" Superboy casually inquired after thinking of the correct terminology, yet again leaving you to wonder what your friend has been saying about you in your absence - also considering the implication this’d have on your scheme.

"No! Definitely not! I'm totally single, just because I've told you about (Y/n) doesn't mean we're dating. We're not dating by the way." Wally briskly recovered, blush fading as he emphasised his point specifically for the sake of M'gann.

"Nice to meet you both. Ah Kaldur!" You lit up once seeing the Atlantean, immediately embracing his form just as he did to you in hopes of catching up with him.

"It's been a while (Y/n), you look well."

"(Y/n) is here? Looking as lovely as ever, surprised you're still hanging with Wally though, you're way out of his league." Robin proudly joked as he walked toward you, genuinely happy to see you again and a girl called Artemis agreed with him despite only recently learning your name - supposedly teasing Wally was a commodity amount the Team.

"I'm here for training, Canary said she'd activated the sparring platform so I wanted to test it." With a content shrug you set your plan in motion, gesturing over to the designated area as indication.

Now you were very well trained, the team knew that so it wasn't a surprise when every single member landed with a 'FAIL' until Wally challenged your winning streak. You went two rounds, the first you played to his strengths allowing him to take you down with his speed and received the only 'PASS' of the day. M'gann cheered, flying over with questions and compliments whilst you comfortably sat up and proudly watched Wally bask in the desired attention. Meanwhile got to your feet, brushing yourself only to be met with a smirking Robin beside your figure.

"I know what you're doing and you are good at it, but I don't think it's gonna work."

"Does it ever work with Wally? He's never met a girl he's really caught deep feelings for but I'm only in it for the free food he's promised me." Came your knowing reply, softly smirking at Robin who seemed to disagree but accepted your justification nonetheless.

"There is one y'know..."

"Hey (Y/n) ready to get your ass whooped by the best there is? Fastest kid alive babe." The speedster smugly gained your deadly gaze, his boasting violating the agreement you’d struck less than 24 hours ago and thus not giving you a chance for Robin to elaborate like you’d wished.

This time you would not allow him a victory, like the others you took him out with a mischievous smile and then crouched over his waist whilst he leaned up on his elbows to meet you.

"No. Bragging." You raised a brow, tilting his chin towards you as you punctuated each word as a reminder before heading out. Although your plan had still succeeded to a degree, you walked backwards finding the Martian kneeling down to your friend inquiring about his condition as you winked at him - Wally seemingly impressed with your antics, as he usually was whenever he roped you into these scenarios.

You retained your attentive skills, even talking him up to M'gann but it became painfully obvious that her romantic affections were reserved for a certain clone which left you disappointed albeit pleased for her. Now, you had to break the news to Wally - you'd considered such measures while sitting against the wall in one of the Mountains many hallways bouncing a ball off of the other side as a form of contemplation.

Soon enough your felt a familiar comforting presence beside you, catching the ball and initiating a harmless game between the two of you.

"What's on your mind?" Wally knew you incredibly well, narrowing down I even the smallest quirks and he'd use that to his advantage.

"Nothing, but I'm afraid you might have to give up on M'gann."

"I know. Supes right?" He didn't seemed phased by your sympathetic disclosure, which surprised you slightly due to how long he’d spent gushing over the girl.

"Yeah, sorry West."

"It's alright. Thanks for trying, I'll still get you that pizza."

"But I didn't...?" His response was unexpected, leaving you somewhat speechless but he soon continued with conversation before you could finish, no evidence of heartbreak to be seen.

"That Dan guy you went out with? (Y/n) c'mon you're stunning, and he didn't even offer to pay the full check at the coffee shop. You deserve so much better, his flirting game was awful too." Wally reminisced on the details you’d cruelly given knowing he wouldn’t able to comment due to you deal, although such a thing was now void and you’d regretted that decision. Yet part of you enjoyed his mocking support.

"So I get the pizza but have to suffer your judgements for not getting you a date? I'm sure you have something to say about Jackson too." You threw your head back with an exaggerated sigh, Wally laughing as he replied.

"Don't get me started..."

How unaffected Wally seemed about the let down still puzzled you, although you believed something else must've attained his focus - not that you had any indication of what it was as you sat flicking through the channels.

"So... there's another girl." There it is.

"Dude, are you kidding me? Give yourself a month at least."

"No this one is the one, I know it." His tone was oddly confident compared to his usual dilemmas regarding that topic which automatically gained your full attention.

"Uh Huh. And when did you meet her? Love at first sight or whatever?"

"I've known her longer than a few days give me some credit here. But it wasn't at first sight, I didn't even notice it was happening or rather happened..." Wally's point was certainly more realistic in comparison and he was being truthful - again, maybe this peculiar circumstance held promise.

"You know my terms an-" You simply shrugged, assuming he wanted your assistance once more which dulled your growing investment slightly.

"No, not for this one."

"Hot damn, this woman must be special. Tell me everything!" That decision shocked you and it was evident in your tone, you excitedly encouraged him to indulge your lowkey interrogation since he never turned down your assistance.

"Yes she definitely is, but I don't know what to do for her y'know?"

"Romantic restaurant? Roses? Tell her over a romantic dinner." You listed things instantly, barely stopping for a breather.

"Would you want all that though?" Wally considered your ideas, furrowing his brows before he asked his question even if his posture radiated nervousness despite the confident facade he’d attempted to convey.

"Hah, no way! Honestly I'd love a chill night in, order a take out, put on a good series and just enjoy each other's company. I mean roses are nice too but I want to know my date likes me enough to relax and be themselves - you can't really do that in a fancy restaurant. Anyway, you should probably find out what this girl likes first." You simply smiled, giving him an honest opinion and advice for you felt he'd finally found someone more than just a crush to him.

"I guess..."

It was silent for a moment until familiar words echoed in your mind 'There is one y'know...' and instantly you stood up with your realisation.

"I know who it is!"

"What?! How?!" Wally snapped to with concern evident in his expression like a deer in headlights, unbeknownst to you why that was but he too halted in his tracks.

"Dick told me, I don't believe it Wally - it's great!" Now you had Artemis in your head, they'd hated one another at first so it certainly made sense that he'd grown to like her. They'd also kissed at New Years Eve or so you'd heard.

"Robin told you I liked you?! Are you kidding? He only knows because I thought he had a crush on you." That answer caught you off guard, practically disintegrating your ability to form a coherent sentence or even think straight due to the abruptness of it.

"Wait me? I didn't, um, I can't, since when? All the times I've been helping you with girls I... I..."

"Wait you didn't know? Okay stay there, I'm doing this again!" Wally held his hands out in defence, soon disappearing leaving you standing alone with your thoughts. A dangerous thing really.

Did you even have feelings for him? Quite possibly, that would explain why you occasionally compared dates to him and why you were always so willing to help him find his happiness but surely you wouldn't have suppressed them? It was so confusing.

Within a minute he appeared before you, a single red rose in hand and sheepish smile.

"I'm late I know that but there's no pressure for you. This is not how I expected you to find out, I aimed to flirt with you and only you before making a move so it wasn't thrown on you so suddenly but here we are. Guess I'm not great with girls without you."

With a mischievous grin, you pulled him close by his red hoodie and gently met his lips with your own and you couldn't deny how right it felt - an action you’d hope would quell the warring emotions. You pulled apart, his arms wrapped around your waist and yours on his shoulders.

"You're actually quite adequate, I'm just as surprised as you are."

"Oh you're hilarious." He matched your witty sarcasm, but still you find his happiness intoxicating.

"Can we, um could we take things slow? I know that's ironic to ask the fastest kid alive but please."

"I'd slow down for you, I want to take my time in every moment I get so it won't be a problem (Y/n). I promise." Despite the trace of concern in your voice, Wally was reassuring and sincere with his words so you both felt comfortable in whatever situation you'd crafted.

"So, I assume you won't be mocking my dates anymore."

"I think every date you'll have from now on is gonna be too great for me judge. Ah too bad, I know how much you loved me doing that." The speedster playfully responded with a knowingly satisfied smirk to which you threw him an 'are you serious?' expression.

Later, as you both sat comfortably on Wallys' bed eating pizza whilst a film played in the background, you received simultaneous texts from none other than Dick Grayson - his smugness translated even in a message.

[Dickiebird: Told you so.]

#wally west #wally west x reader #wally west imagine #kid flash #kid flash x reader #kid flash imagine #dc #dc imagine

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littlemisssquiggles · 4 years

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Hello! Long time no see! I read your Cinder the Red Queen theory, and it's really cool! Cinder is one of my favorite characters (even if I don't watch RWBY anymore) and it would be really awesome to see Cinder play a really big role, besides "revenge on Ruby". Although, I am personally more of a Cinder Redemption Arc fan. So, hypothetically, if Cinder were to get one such redemption arc, how do you think it would play out?

Hiya Yellow! Yeah it has been a while. Sorry I took so long to get back to you. Slowly working through my backlog of posts inside my inbox. Anyways, how have you been fam? And in the literal immortal words of one Oscar Pine, wait…WHAT! When did you stop watching RWBY? ! D8

What happened? If you don’t mind me asking, how come you’re not watching anymore? Is it because you just fell out of love with the series as a whole after being disappointed with its current direction or did all the discourse surrounding the show (and by extension RT as well) drive you to stop?

Sad to hear you’re no longer in the FNDM man. But on a different note, allow me to say thank you! Knowing that you’re a Cinder fan, I’m happy to hear that you liked my Red Queen headcanon for her. Much appreciated.

And yes, I do remember you being an advocate for Cinder’s redemption as well. In response to writing a Cinder redemption arc, I’m gonna be frank.

Given the way the canon has portrayed Cinder’s character, both in previous seasons and currently, redemption is still the last thing I can envision for your favourite Fall Maiden m’dude. I’ve never seen Cinder getting redeemed as a possibility since to me, the show hasn’t shown enough evidence of her being empathetic to anyone else other than herself to make me believe there’s a chance for her to change for the greater good.

The only way I can picture Cinder going is either she is given the Adam Taurus treatment---unceremoniously killed off despite the series keeping her relevant to the story for so long or…Cinder survives long enough to rise up and see herself becoming the all-powerful entity she desires to be---ultimately walking out of Salem’s shadow to overthrow her and replace her as the Red Queen and succeeding within a short time what Salem has failed to do for centuries---thrusting Remnant into utter anarchy in the form of a second Great War sparked by one of the kingdoms (possibly Mistral) declaring war against the remaining three kingdoms hoping to conquer them all after learning that the great Atlas Kingdom has fallen along with the former Mantle.

One kingdom to rule them all and this was all done through Cinder puppeteering her pawns in the Mistral Council through her newly awakened abilities after finally succumbing to the Geist Grimm and becoming something more than human--- a Grimm with a soul and a conscience. A Grimm-human hybrid or Grimmoire as I’d like to say.

Instead of being redeemed, I more favour the idea Cinder becoming a bigger threat to Remnant than Salem who I peg would be defeated, purified of her darkness (courtesy of Ruby’s silver eyes) and stripped of any magic that she had, courtesy of Cinder betraying her.

Cinder’s whole “…Without you, I am nothing” statement from the trailer is just giving me huge red flags for her to eventually realize that she can probably do better than Salem without her holding her back. The student does eventually become the master, right? So why not expect Cinder to replace Salem as the main big antagonist of RWBY with her reign being the true threat of Remnant in a time of war?

I really, really like the idea of the main conflict of RWBY not being the war with Salem but the rise of Cinder Fall and the second Great War of Remnant. I think such a plotline would be cool especially looking back on the fact that Oz had told General Ironwood that he prayed that his students---the children whose futures and development were entrusted to him---would never have to face the pains and strife of war like his predecessor: King Phadrig of Vale, once did long ago.

It would actually be very compelling to watch our heroes attempting to survive a dire time when the world was divided with two of its founding kingdoms in shambles while one tried to conquer them all (Mistral) and another daring to defend them all (Vacuo). The first Great War lasted ten years. Imagine if…it were the same for the second with time fast-forwarding to another period ten years later when all of our young heroes were now grown adults. No longer naïve children enamoured by the huntsmen lifestyle but seasoned warriors doing what they could to help the people in a dark world where war raged, humanity pleaded for their salivation and the Grimm feasted.

That could’ve been nice. But…I’m getting ahead of myself here. I’m not sure if anything like that will actually happen in the show. Still it’s good to share the idea around.

Going back to Cinder, like I said---right now I can’t see a redemption arc for Cinder.

As I said, the core reason why I’ve never been for Cinder being a redeemable character is due to the fact that up until this point, the series has done very little to establish her having any positive qualities. Cinder has sadly been selfish through and through making it very clear multiple occasions that she’s only out for herself. For me to have pictured Cinder to be a redeemable character, the series would’ve need to introduce a sort of “buffer character”---for lack of a better term. Basically when I say a buffer character, I mean in terms of a character who could’ve acted as a sort of foil to Cinder---seeing through her power-hungry nature and faults and thus revealing to the audience a much more relatable, sympathetic and emotionally vulnerable side to her through her relationship with said buffer.

The best example of this type of dynamic for me in an animated media is the relationship between Prince Zuko and his Uncle Iroh from Avatar the Last Airbender. In that series, Iroh was Zuko’s buffer character---the one person who saw through Zuko’s acts of aggression and appealed to the side of him that was just a insecure young man lacking any real support in his life and wanting nothing more than to do his best to appease an abusive father just so that he can feel a sense of belonging in the world.

It was through his bond with his uncle that I, as a viewer, was able to believe in Zuko’s redemption arc since it was only with Iroh did we see a more open side to Zuko---the side that reminded us that outside of his status as Prince of the Fire Nation leading the charge to capture the Avatar---outside of that, Zuko was only a boy in need of guidance. Guidance that Iroh attempted to provide him on multiple occasions.

Going back to Cinder, this is what I would have needed to make her redeemable. Give her a character who is the only one to see her more vulnerable side. Using what we know about the series, I’d say Emerald Sustrai could’ve easily been Cinder’s buffer. In the show, RWBY already established Cinder as a sort of motherly/sister figure based on Emerald’s perception of her.

Through Emerald, the show could’ve used her close ties with Cinder to show a side to her that we often don’t see. A side that actually cares for Emerald or at least better fools Emerald (and by extension us as the audience) into thinking that she cares. Ironically enough, the show could’ve had Cinder mirror Salem in this regard.

The reason why I’m more of an advocate for Salem’s redemption over Cinder is because UNLIKE Cinder, the show has given me moments of Salem being genuinely kind and caring to others. We saw this with the way she loved Ozma and would’ve done anything to get him back before her self-interest and hatred toward the Brother Gods consumed her.

We saw this in the Lost Fable and to some degree, even though she is another pawn to her, I’d like to think that the way Salem treats Cinder is akin to a mother. My issue with Salem isn’t that she is incapable of caring about others, it’s that no matter what, she will never put them before herself. It will always be her first and others second. At least that’s what I interpreted and it for this reason while her curse will remain.

However at least the show has shown examples of Salem showing compassion towards other. This is something I have yet to see from Cinder Fall. To me, Cinder is lacking that side of her.

Salem is selfish but as strange as this for me to say, I don’t think she’s entirely heartless. It’s kind of complicated when it comes to Salem but this just adds onto why I find her character fascinating. This is what makes the difference for me between her and Cinder and separates the two.

Salem is selfish but is capable of empathy and a surprising amount of mercy in unexpected moments (like in the way she treats Cinder for example. Salem could’ve easily offed Cinder for her failures like how she ended Lionheart but instead she left her be. And judging from the V8 trailer, even as Cinder came grovelling back to her, Salem still seemed to mostly react to Cinder’s return with an air of a strict parent who isn’t angry at their child but more disappointed. And oddly enough she did the same thing with Tyrian back in V4)

Cinder, on the other hand, shares in Salem’s self-centred nature but lacks any kind of compassion. Cinder is heartless.

Sorry Yellow, picturing a redemption arc for Cinder Fall is tough for me, even hypothetically speaking. I mean, if the show had done something with Cinder akin to Zuko---having her gain the power and status she’s always wanted only to have it result in her losing the only good relationship she had in Emerald thus leading to her falling from grace again after realizing her mistakes---then I could see it.

Or…perhaps the show could’ve pulled an Azula type of redemption for Cinder. Have her gain the power she desired at the cost of her own humanity and she loses herself in the process, becoming a monster and realizing her mistakes too late. And in the end, despite everything she’s been through and in spite of all that she put her through, the only person to appear before Cinder in her time of death after falling from her mistakes is Emerald.

I like the irony of Emerald cradling a dying Cinder Fall, choosing even then not to hate her and remain with her until her last dying breathe as her way of finally paying her back for saving her from her former life of poverty; giving her a new sense purpose in life outside of being a street rat.

That could’ve worked, at least me. But again, this is only if the show had further developed Emerald and Cinder’s bond. I genuinely wished the show had explored more of Cinder’s ties to Emerald. This is why I wanted Emerald to be Cinder’s accomplice for Atlas instead of Neopolitan. We could’ve watched Emerald’s character grow further through her separating herself from Salem’s legion and devoting herself entirely to Cinder. We could’ve watched Cinder even entice Emerald with the prospect of her ruling beside Cinder in the new world she would’ve aided her to build for Salem.

At the end of the day, as Emerald implied back in V5, she doesn’t care that much for Salem. The only person of interest to Emerald Sustrai is Cinder so this makes me curious to see what their reunion would be like for V8. I highly doubt Salem just ups and left Emerald, Mercury and Hazel back in the Dark Domain. Unless they were sent off to Vacuo to retrieve the Sword of Destruction, they’re bound to be there with Salem inside of Grimm Monstro so I’m looking forward to seeing the look on Emerald’s face when she realizes to her dismay that in her absence, she had been replaced with Neo.

It would be interesting watching how Emerald deals with this development in addition to seeing where her story goes from here now that her beloved Cinder Fall is back with her but not really with HER, y’know what I’m saying? Perhaps this could lead to Emerald going out of her way to get back onto Cinder’s good side mirroring Cinder attempting to return to Salem’s.

“…Without you, I am NOTHING!” “…I don’t care about Salem but I owe Cinder for EVERYTHING!”

It’ll be a game of watching apprentices regain the faith of their masters as Emerald is Cinder’s apprentice while Cinder is Salem’s. This should be a fun development to observe for next season

…Sorry if I haven’t exactly answered your question Yellow. Truth be told, I don’t have much ideas for how Cinder could be redeemed. However I do stand by my points about Emerald being used to show a different side to Cinder. It’s a shame this wasn’t done much in the canon. But who knows? Maybe something might be done to change that for V8.

~LittleMissSquiggles (2020)

#squiggles anwers: rwby #cinder fall #emerald sustrai #rwby salem #rwby theories #rwby volume 8 theories #yellow-eyed-green-crocodile #squiggles answers

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rixxy8173571m3w1p3 · 4 years

Text

The Remembrance Of A Kiss

I was feeling nostalgic for a fic which I wrote almost three years ago called Zeta-7 and The Kiss; it was written back when I first started writing Rnm fics. While, I don't write how I used to, I am fond of it. So, here's this finished wip. I think I'm running on nostalgia these days, for things are changing faster then I can keep up with. Anyway, I hope you guys like it. It's guaranteed to be fluffy :3

In this fic the reader thinks about a past momentous moment.

_____________________

The trouble and light anxiety you had felt about the occasion had been insignificant compared to his. Back then you had been searching for an answer or rather a solution to a predicament; the problem at the time being that you weren't sure how to broach the subject of a certain display of affection. It was neither a lack or an abundance of affection, and it seems silly now when you thought of it, which was often, but when and where had your inclination to kiss him first begin? It might have always been there, but that statement in itself seemed like a lie, for you didn't want to kiss him when you initially met him, but he had been influential; recognizing you from another time, another life, but that wasn't what you came here to talk about. No, you wanted to think of that fateful day.

That day he had been in his usual delightful mood, the kind that came about because he got to see you and was genuinely having a good day; although, with him, he tended to find good in every day and as expected he was deliciously cheerful and had a smile which could last for days upon his thin lips. Oh, how you had loved that smile for it followed you everywhere, even when you couldn't seem him; that haircut which had been copied from an old clothing catalog advertisement and moved about when he spoke; buck teeth which dentists could only dream to keep as trophies, and the hint of lip bite when he'd finished talking; it was part of the draw. You fought, swallowed, and bided your time as you thought of the ways in which you could show him you loved him. For you, there was a momentum, a force which couldn't have been stopped; beginning with his hellos, and would build as you continued to be so affected and had been desperate to satisfy the longing and affection which pulled and drowned your senses whenever he was near; it made you reason that it was the right thing to do; to express and ask if it was alright to move forward; it was and he agreed, but he never quite recovered from being kissed.

No, you didn't mean all the kisses which occurred after and had taken place up to the present per se, but from the first one you had given him around the start of your relationship; having made such an impression, it was as though you had branded his heart and soul; that a string was tied to one of your ribs and to one of his ventricles which kept him alive only by his sheer will to withstand the forces and madness that threatened to tear him apart daily; he could never recover. You would say that he grew a little more mature that day; in mind, spirit, but not in age. To be sure, things had been so different then; Rick had been so shy when it came to romantic sensibilities, naive to others advances or otherwise natural attraction to him, believing he was unworthy of such while you had so much to learn about the mysteries of men; neither knew what the other had been going through. You hadn't known about his otherworldly adventures yet, his loneliness, or uniqueness, and he knew almost everything except your personality quirks, but as to how he knew was a different story.

Still, that was then, back when there was so much yet to be known, and you thought him to be human. You remembered how for days, he walked as though in a daze, bumping into things and hardly able to look you in the eyes without being lovestruck and tongue-tied; you were sure to watch after him to make sure you hadn't given him a stroke and assured him that he shouldn't deny his worth. Why it seemed even now he could barely function without being a little goofy after a kiss, but it was endearing; you hadn't known then about how he had been starved for affection due to lack of family and circumstances. Yet, if you had any doubts, they certainly were lessened by his attentiveness and wanting to please.

You were sure others might've tired of this behavior long ago, and you had your days in when you thought you weren't capable of managing it all, but for every time you came crashing down, he was there to help you even when you didn't want him to; for every tear and moment of grief, there was his affection which he returns out of love, gratitude, and fear all at once. Oh, if you knew then what you knew now, you would've confessed earlier; let him know how much you had cared, and tried harder to be a better friend. Still, you were making it up to him and doubted you'd ever finish making it up to him. And because he was forever grateful and happy when you kissed him, you decided to ask him one day what it was that he found so dazzling about it and to your shock, his answer endeared him to you all the more. "It's like saying h-hello." he answered matter of factly.

"Really? In what way?"

"Gosh," he wondered, scratching the back of his neck. "it's uh - it's like touching hands, but instead of the formality of a-a handshake, you touch lips to greet and exchange not only DNA but affection. Culture or whoever happens to partake in this ritual may affect its meaning, but in such an awe-inspiring way I believe it's a reminder of trust and union; albeit more intimate."

Was that how he had felt back then? Had it been a social experiment or a daydream that had come into fruition? Perhaps neither. Maybe, he was concerned that you'd be disappointed if that so-called spark wasn't there, but the good thing was you relied more on just sparks. "So, what you mean to say is that in a sense those who kiss are bonded?"

"I th-think so."

And you believed him, for when it came to such matters, he was sincere. Why it must've hit him harder than it ever will with you, but you blamed being a creature of natural circumstance for that; your childhood and life had been happy and general for the most part, while his had more loops in it then the Whirly Dirly. Thinking of it now, the consequence of your affection was that he took to you so strongly, you were sure that if something happened to you, it might kill him; the thought being burdensome in its own right.

You had never thought of pairing the word passionate with him, but his sensibilities to and of the world in which he existed in as well as to interactions with the beings in it made you wonder if there was anything or anyone he could truly hate; himself perhaps for that was who he was most affected by.

"Rick," you started, pushing away the unsettling thoughts as you set down the book you had been reading. "I think that's sweet. You certainly have a knack for seeing the poetic nature behind the reality, but what are your thoughts on the people who kiss for fun?"

He ruminated for a moment. It might've occurred to him that people didn't always kiss with the intention of forming serious relationships, but he would be sure to make a note of finding out later. "Gosh, I'm sure there are some benefits t-t-to it, though I haven't done much research on the matter."

Who knew where one would begin on such a subject. There were books on both physiology and psychology, but did any of them go into the happenstance of a kiss? You hadn't thought of checking, but knowing the intelligent man that he was, perhaps he had looked into it. "Research huh? Dear," you explained, "people don't just research kisses as though they are studies or hypothesized."

"Th-they don't?"

"At least not that I know of. I mean, people simply see and do. Don't they? Is there more?"

"Y-yes and no. It depends on the species."

"Hmm, I guess it does."

Again, you wouldn't know. There must've been planets, realities, and universes whose signs of affection transcended that of action, but while it was a fascinating thought, you were glad that in your reality that wasn't the case in its entirety. Searching his face, you found that his brow was scrunched up together, wondering if there was more to it. You had thought the question innocent enough, he, on the other hand, wouldn't be satisfied until he found the truth behind your inquiry. Not being one to try to disappoint him, you turned towards him and nodded. "However, I have my own answer. If you come closer I can show you what I mean."

Removing his glasses, he scooted closer; curious to see if the answer was somehow in your pocket or hiding on his face. The trust which allowed him to focus on you with conviction as you approached him was palpable. Lightly, you brushed back his bangs and passed your fingers lightly over his frown lines. Silly man, he thought too much for his own good, but if he had been unsure earlier, then the blush which dusted his ears and cheeks said otherwise. Stretching up, you pressed a light kiss on his forehead; not unlike the ones he'd give you when he thought you were asleep. And you smiled at him from the bottom of your heart. In turn, he chuckled in happy amusement; boyish in the way his eyes glimmered as though he had gotten a new toy. "Gee, that was - that was swell, but I-I don't understand. Wh-what was that for?"

"I see you and I must kiss you. It's practically the law." you giggled before repeating the action.

"Are y-y-you sure?" he wondered, tucking a lock of your hair behind your ear.

Pulling back a little, you nodded. "I'm positive. Especially since it's what you deserve."

The light chuckle which escaped him only fed your joy as you peppered him with kisses. And before you could see it, you felt him smiling and glowing with happiness as his goofy grin returned with a vengeance.

"Gosh," he sighed with contentment, "I-I learn something new everyday."

"I bet you do, but really a kiss is nothing to think too hard about."

"I-I know."

"If anything, I think it's based on a feeling. For example," you paused to give yourself a moment to gather your thoughts together. "the reason I kiss you is the same reason I've always had and it's because I care about you. In my own way, it's like I'm saying, 'Hello, I missed you, come here, I love you. Oh, I love you so very much. Thank you, for simply existing and being here with me.' Maybe we both have the same reason as to why words sometimes aren't enough, and while a kiss is simple, it's not always so easy to execute, but nothing is wrong with that. It's all done in its own time. In its own way. I am happy you let me kiss you way back when, because I adored you so much that it hurt. I still adore you, and you'll always be precious to me."

Glancing at you in wonderment, he played with his fingers then searched your face again. In his soul, he knew you weren't lying, but since you've first known him, he always seemed to be searching, as well as fighting his self-condemning mind and heart especially having been injured so many times. As though you had a world of answers for some of his simple questions that he would've otherwise been too embarrassed to ask, he'd open his mouth just to close it again. You had assured him on multiple occasions that he could ask you anything, but his bashful nature gave allowances for this; endearing in its own right. Once he seemed satisfied, he took out his notepad and wrote down some notes; if you didn't know any better, you'd think he was writing a thesis by the way the words slanted and blended into one another as he concentrated on the details, all the while sporting that lovestruck grin. "What are you writing dear? Is it a love letter? Is it about the trees, or bees, or whatever goes about in that wonderful head of yours?"

"I'm updating my notes."

This much you knew. "But on what? Not on kissing, right? That would be something." you teased.

"N-n-no," he answered softly, "but on you."

"Is that right? Is there any particular reason?"

"Mhm," he nodded. "so I won't forget."

What a silly man he was, you thought. "It's ok to forget things, but I'm sure you won't. Besides, who forgets the first person they kiss?"

"N-not me."

"Of course not, especially with all the reminders that come after. I doubt I will, but reminders are appreciated. I wouldn't want to forget how happy you make me."

Slowing down his note-taking, he mentioned. "I like reminders too."

Of course he did. From years of journal keeping to the multiple watches and small computers that were scattered about the house, for there was so much going on in his head he needed help keeping his train of thought straight. It was just another way of saying in so many words, how much he loved you. "So do I. And trust me, I'll be sure to remind you a lot. As much as you need, and as often as I can. Hopefully," you winked at him. "I'll be reminded soon."

Giving your hand a squeeze, he softened. "I um - I don't mind reminding you. I-I really like reminders."

"I know, but do you like them more than adventures, or as far as that ship in the garage will take you?" you teased.

Replacing the notepad in his pocket, he nodded. "As far as 238,855 miles w-will take me."

Miles or kilometers were but measurements and distance, but that distance you were sure was not on Earth. "Do you mean to the moon?"

Pressing a light kiss to your temple, he answered. "Por supuesto, y-y más allá de eso. Please, don't forget"

Forget? Why would you forget? If there was a prelude, it was the flutter and happy giddiness which occurred when you caught him off guard, but to whatever came after, it was effervescent, sweet, and addictive. And while it could be said about a lot of things, he was far more complex. You see, you never recovered from being kissed, because you were enticed by his charm, and won by his goodness, but a kiss sealed the deal; for now and forever you belonged to him and you weren't going to let him forget it. Cupping his cheek, you replied. "I won't and I never will Ricky. You can bet on that," as you leaned forward, you whispered. "and seal it with a kiss."

Fin

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thesickpanda · 5 years

Text

Where is My Mind?

Stress can make you feel like you're going crazy.

I cannot emphasize this enough. Long-term, persistent and intense stress well above your baseline levels can make you feel like you're losing your mind.

Life is stressful and when I think back to when the intense periods of stress started in mine it gets a bit ridiculous because I grew up in a domestically violent household with severely mentally ill parents in a country on the brink of civil war with one of the highest crime rates in the world. So I have been kinda stressed for a very long time. However, in more recent months, the level of acute stress I've been experiencing has made me feel disconnected from reality. I've experienced derealisation a number of times due to Lyrica withdrawal and accidental cannabis highs. But this one is different. The depersonalisation I’ve been experiencing is from pure, unrelenting stress. I really did question my sanity more than once.

In July, I saw my psychologist to describe this feeling to her. She very helpfully drew a diagram which explained the neuroscience of why we feel this way when we've experienced high levels of stress for a long time. It was really helpful to see that because it reassured me that what I was feeling was, as much as this can be said, "normal", given the amount of strain I was under. But the stress hasn’t let up since then and I have been well above my baseline for much too long.

Long story short, I haven't really recovered since my family visited me last year. 2018 was a year from hell. 2019 hasn’t been much better but for different reasons. Basically, the hardships I’ve endured being the leader of a non-profit all these years reached critical mass and finally, at long last, broke me. After 8 years of pouring all my heart, soul and every last spoon I had into it, I quit last month…and to very little fanfare at that. 3 people turned up for our final meeting, and only because we needed to hand them the organization’s physical assets. We had a little unplanned dinner out and that was that.

I'm grateful to the handful of people who have reassured me they will continue its legacy beyond my departure, genuinely I am, but overall I think I stayed in that position at least a year longer than I should have. I feel incredibly jaded and cynical about the whole thing.

And I’m sorry if this offends anyone, but screw Sydney’s activists. The vast majority of them can barely call themselves that. I have never been in such an apathetic, vain, self-centered and lazy city when it comes to political activism. This migrant has had enough of trying to get Australians to care about their own issues. (And yeah, the people I handed the non-profit over to? Also migrants).

It is telling that the final meeting was also the night before we moved house (because we always had to wrap our own lives around the goings on of that organisation, not the other way around, which is another major reason we quit). So after an hour and a half’s drive into the city, we had to get home late to get up early the next day to start that fun process.

But I am getting ahead of myself. Before we ever got to moving day, we first had to find a house. If you haven’t done it before, let me tell you, the process of house hunting on a tight budget in a hostile market is disgustingly stressful.

We were looking from June. The property market in Sydney is unbelievably expensive and even though it experienced a so-called "correction" for a year, (meaning that house prices stabilized instead of continuing to rise), that ended just as we entered into the property hunt. I am extremely grateful that we got the house we did at the price we did, but my God, getting to that point nearly killed me. I keep explaining to people that it felt as if my partner and I ran full blast over broken glass to the edge of a dock, leapt several metres and grabbed onto the barnacles of a departing ship by our fingernails. I really do think we may have been among the last millennials that got on that ��property” ship, and it was only because, at long last, we had help from my partner's extremely wealthy parents. After shaming us for a decade for not being able to afford impossible house prices (“ok boomer…”), he finally relented and helped us out. Again, I'm grateful, but also disgusted that this is the world we live in. Housing should be a human right and we shouldn't have this intergenerational greed and infighting over something so basic. Forgive my inner socialist.

Finding the house was only the first part of the equation; moving into it was the next step.

The moving process was incredibly arduous. At the time we should have been packing up the house, my partner's work decided to send him interstate for business on multiple occasions. By the time moving day came round, we were not ready and we couldn't afford to pay removalists. We enlisted the help of two amazing friends and Joe's brother-in-law. Again, super grateful that I had their help, but my God, was it intense. It took the better part of four days to move everything. We had to pay off the mortgage and the rent for the previous place for a two-week period, putting considerable strain on our savings. At the same time, we needed to get some work done in the new house so that was being done while we were trying to sort out the old house. The rental laws in this country are a joke and are widely considered to be abusive to renters, including by many of my American friends who now live here. I doubt we will ever see our bond returned, even though we were treated like crap living there for three years in a house that was not sealed, had no insulation or air conditioning, leaked and was draughty, didn't have proper doors et cetera et cetera. I mean, we had maggots falling from the ceiling… twice. The place was rotting and rotten but because my partner couldn't completely colour match the paint when he tried to cover up what was absolutely reasonable wear and tear on one of the walls, I'm sure we will lose all that. As usual, the landlord will claim it costs our entire $1800 bond to get a $50 an hour painter in to patch up one wall. They always do this. In your contract it says reasonable wear and tear are a few knocks and dings on the wall and that the tenant is not expected to pay for that. In reality, in every rental we have ever lived in, the landlord has refused to refund the bond when there’s been even the slightest bit of damage, even if we had a record of being model tenants. It was almost comical how hard my partner was trying in the middle of the move to cover up a few scrapes on the walls from moving furniture in and out. It all came to nothing because for love nor money he couldn't find the correct match of paint. And then of course he had to mow the entire grounds of the last rental when he really wanted to be using his weekends to sort out and unpack the new house. Good God, it was awful.

My partner and I barely spent any quality time together during this period and he was extremely stressed out and distant from me. I totally understand why but the whole thing flared every single one of my conditions and I needed him as my carer. But he couldn’t really do that, as he was trying to do literally everything else. Moving house is hard on a healthy body, never mind one with two chronic pain disorders, irritable bowel and generalised anxiety disorder. And then (because of course), a family member of mine (one of the abusers) picked that moment in time to start harassing me, thereby triggering my PTSD which led to a nervous breakdown which led to intense depersonalisation, insomnia and nausea. Everyone and everything seemed unfamiliar to me, even my partner. I started to doubt whether or not I loved myself or anyone else anymore. I just felt so completely and utterly disconnected from the world. I began to lie awake at night terrified that I was fading away, that I could no longer feel anything other than fear. All the time, people kept saying, “congratulations on the new house! You must be so excited!” But all I could feel was sickness and dread.

Two weeks after moving in, I had to drop my Lyrica one more time. This drop has been very difficult. All of the stress has led to some dark thoughts in the back of my mind which of course Lyrica then co-opts and exaggerates. I have had a more than a few moments of suicidal ideation. Everything in my life on paper has improved. We are now homeowners, we live in a beautiful part of the world, we've made some new friends lately, things are settling down et cetera et cetera. But I feel like I'm in shell shock after this year and last year. I haven't even had time to process that I am no longer the president of the not-for-profit I founded and formulated an identity around. I just haven't had the time to process literally anything. I've been more exhausted that I have ever felt. Oh, I'm sure everyone will say, “this too shall pass”. But I do not believe that bullshit. Yes, this individual stressor will pass but more horror will come and I know that makes me sound super negative but I just cannot remember a period of time when things were calm for… I can't remember. I just feel like I've been in a hurricane forever.

So yeah, I'm writing this post while experiencing Lyrica withdrawal which makes me depressed and anxious. It's probably colouring my vision on everything. Fine. But I have been going through Lyrica withdrawal for two years, so it’s kinda become my normal. My final drop is on 26 December after which I will experience two more months of withdrawal and hopefully, after that, some semblance of sanity again. In the midst of all this I have to study for my citizenship test which is at the end of this month. I don't get any government support for my disability until I have been a citizen of this country for eight years, and as I’d like to survive my 40s, I need to get citizenship now. But yeah… studying an eighty-page textbook with an addled brain is just so much fun.

Of course, during this time we haven’t have Internet because we had to disconnect the old place and it takes an age for it to get reconnected at the new place. We only recently acquired it at the new house. So there are piles of emails waiting for me. Many of them are from friends and I'm glad for that. But there is also a lot of life admin I now need to do. I have to change my address on every account I hold, which is really tedious. We have also had to organise time with family. Because my partner's family helped us get this house, we feel especially obliged to go to every single one of the family events, of which there are many. He comes from a big Catholic family so every relative who comes to visit, every party that's being held, every birthday, wedding, funeral and religious holiday, we’re now expect to attend. We have several in the next few weekends, taking up most of the time we *needed* to be unpacking the house. We’re obligated now.

In all this negativity, though, I want to say that I am genuinely grateful to be one of the lucky ones to have a house. I know it sounds like I am whining about a good thing. It's not that I'm not glad for this (I know how ridiculously privileged we are). I just haven't been able to really feel it yet. I think that regardless of what happened this year, I’d be feeling this way. Something broke in me last year and just hasn't really come back. I feel shattered.

And all my chronic pain conditions have been wearing me down too. I found out this year that the operation that cost me and my friends so much money (to remove that nerve in my foot) had failed. Or rather, the surgeon had completely botched it up. I have PTSD from that surgery. Just the thought of going back to have it done again fills me with heart racing terror and cold sweats. I’ve had numerous surgeries before that one and been fine, but the reaction I had from the anesthetic last time was so severe, and the recovery so long, that I genuinely fear it more than almost anything else. And yet I need to go in for that nightmare all over again in 2020. I'm going to be asked to trust a different surgeon to do the same so-called “simple operation” to restore some functionality to my left foot. My right knee is probably also going to need surgery since it has been resistant to any physiotherapy rehabilitation. And on top of all this, my poor partner's health has also taken a hit this year from the stress which is worrying me. Because I can always do with some more worry…

But hey! This too shall pass! You should be happy! Life is great now! Yay yay yay!

Fuck, sometimes it just want to be allowed to feel shit and to have other people say “okay you can feel shit now. Yes, some good things have happened but right now you need to process the bad and that's okay too”. My lord, if people could just do that for me. If they could just let me feel what the fuck I need to feel.

What I feel is exhausted, scared, freaked out, traumatized, weird, sick, angry, overwhelmed and fed up. And I need to feel those things before I can feel anything else.

#rant #Fibromylagia #chronic illness #chronic pain #chronic stress #stress #overwhelmed #personal catharsis

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angel-caked · 4 years

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'' I See Red ,, - MAIN VERSE . blood & lace ( alt. )

A pained grunt was heard from the fluffy haired spider as he hauled himself from the shoot and rubbed the marks on his bruised and bloodied wrists from being a rope bunny tied up in mock liquorice for the holiday pre-orders , the rest of him covered in such marring marks his fur wouldn't cover. He had been at this for weeks as a backup in case the event was a flop and there was money to fall back on , he was holding on to a string just to keep from going back to sleeping around . One chance , that's all he got and despite Valentino being interested in this ordeal or at least feigning it , at this point he didn't know what to think though knew very well that sabotage was a possibility after their talk-- it just added up to one more thing he owed the pimp . Valentino already admitted that he didn't want Angel to go and the thought of leaving him the way planned just… didn't sit right especially after what has been done , the good not just the bad he'd grown accustomed to no matter how unsettling it was. Still dependent with slight freedom balanced on a purple pinky and distorted by red smoke.

At this point the Spider's mind had begun to wander while he was on autopilot back to Penthouse, recalling what the key was rather than heading back to the Hotel after so many visits and stays it was embedded in his mind. Shooting off texts of him staying behind to finish something, which was no lie due to having to finish up making the schedule for himself and his co-stars then making sure that last minute plans were made just in case someone backed out then reschedule his side gig of singing to bend to it then ensure his darling husband wouldn't try fighting anyone anymore ever since the Alastor incident then make sure Agatha wasn't roaming the streets unattended again and make sure his friends weren't being so reckless… irony but, he cared deeply even if it wasn't shown.

Tonight he'd have the place to rest for himself until midnight and there was comfort in that, while he reluctantly forgave Valentino and foolishly fell back into having confidence in him. It felt bittersweet to have familiarity amongst all the changes and at least knew what to expect, what to do . Angel didn't know when he got to the door but , he did and instinctively punched in the code, the year when business had first begun booming… That year was one of the best yet worst moments of his life.

As soon as the click was heard Angel wasted no time in letting himself in , the entire right and left walls were a massive windows that overlooked the neon sin drenched city such a sight was usually ogled at but Angel's locked target was the sofa sat directly across from, giving anyone the best view of the stars that glimmered in hell's skies. He dragged his aching body to curl into the leather, uncaring of any acts possibly committed being far better than places he has slept after upsetting someone or just not willing to stay the night. The pain coursing through his person when going lax was enough to make a whine vibrate in his throat and eyes water in vast discomfort, it felt as if his body were lead and every muscle had been torn from bending so frequently-- he could work through it. Couldn't he?

The spider just laid there and let himself breakdown entirely hoping it would help him sleep, it used to help a lot as did the drugs though that was out of the question. He had his reasons, made promises and did well for himself-- he met the love of his life, made more genuine friends, had a family and making a career for his name that wasn't just with his body! Or that's what he thought anyway… after the conversation… confession it made Angel believe he made a mistake. All these connections and still tethered by the soul to Valentino's pinky ring, what if something were to happen to them from spite? He didn't want to think about it-- maybe he needs to stay away for a bit until things are certain, they don't deserve to be pulled further into this and he has changed, right? Angel begrudgingly moved his head to stare out the window and only saw his own worn image. Hair no longer fluffy at the moment, weighed down from sweat and lifeless and his colors generally have dulled as dark circles graced under his eyes-

Just had to hold out until the event. A bit longer then he will really get the answer if another attempt would be worth it. It had to be.

A sigh made his side creak and the star flinch. he turned his attention away from the glass just hoping it would be back to normal in no mood to make himself up. That's when he noticed on the table, his namesake on the table and raised his arm to grab it as if it were in the light in the dark, his temporary release though it fell against the furniture with a thud when remembering who it belonged to and how long it's been. Angel didn't want to push his luck though he wanted… NEEDED it and once more his arm raised to desperately grabbed the plastic bag with his breathing becoming uneven and shaky from the muscle pain and anticipation for a high to dull his senses and give him the energy to keep it up-- fuck Val, he could buy more and the others didn't need to know.

When his nails pierced the top, it was greedily snatched from the coffee table and swiftly emptied in his mouth, he welcomed the bitterness with open arms and let the bag fall from his grasp. The pain had gone dull to nothing, his body felt the longed for pain to turn to pleasure, his heart pounded in his chest as his vision slowly faded to black with body going limp on the cushions-- sweet release from the world even if for a bit. Angel knew he needed to get back on scheduling but, didn't he deserve this? He needed that rush to power through, the escape to his dreamless world and something to deal with the incoming storm-- he let out a shaky sigh and allowed the effects to take over.

#drabble : golden baby #tw: drug mention

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