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jeeaark · 5 months

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I love Greygold! What do you think his personal quest would be if he were a companion/follower instead of a player character?

I have yet to play the dark urge run, but I HEARD THINGS. And-and Rangers have a bounty hunter passive choice so-so why wouldn't Greygold try their shot? Gonna catch themself a new BFF or wind up dead first morning

Bonus personal quest for Tavs:

Like. I've NOTICED that bg3 personal quests have a certain pattern involving EXTREMELY AWFUL CIRCUMSTANCES, but uh I couldn't put Greygold through that, so next best thing: animal friendship discord!

You thought Greygold's only got one personal quest? Try five.

Technically, probably a personal problem as normal Tav too, but A LOT LESS PRIORITIZED now that they're learning how to be Team Leader to a whole Different Disaster Team of all time.

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #bg3 comic #bg3 fanart #the dark urge #greygold #Thanks anon! I appreciate cha!#funny story-#I also had that same question in my head for greygold but could never come up with anything #I stared at a wall for five hours trying to figure out an acceptable answer because INSPIRED CHALLENGE ACCEPTED #no idea who the boss would be or what the animal quests would entail though aha :'D #AM I PROCRASTINATING FROM DRAWING ACT 3 YOU BETCHA

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glttr-bby · 9 months

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Do you actually like glitter?

Yes

#funny story-#I accidentally caught a clump of glitter in my hand at work the other day #I was carrying it around trying not to make a mess until I could wash my hands #it didn’t work #I had glitter everywhere #and I wasn’t mad about it #answered #speaking to the void #yes or no

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foldingfittedsheets · 2 months

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Every sales job I’ve worked has that one item. The white whale. The biggest ticket you can sell. The sale you brag about when you’re chatting with other industry people.

When I sold mattresses it was a split king adjustable base. That’s two twin extra long mattresses next to each other to make a king, but each side can move independently. They’re insanely expensive and honestly kind’ve impractical but it was the biggest ticket thing to sell.

When I sold sex toys though our white whale was the 20lb ass. It was a female pelvis, a cut out from the waist to the tops of the thighs. It was hyper realistic material and cost about $500. I definitely had bigger tickets but not in one item typically.

In my time at the sex shop, I sold three. Each time was completely different in terms of how the guy acted about buying it. The first man was a little embarrassed and shy about it. I was professional and supportive as I rang it up. Once I handed him the receipt he looked at the box. Then he looked at me.

If you’ve ever wondered how big a box has to be to fit a 20lb ass let me just tell you: it’s pretty damn big. It’s an uncomfortably large armful of box and every side has a picture of the sex toy inside on it. It’s not subtle.

“Could I get a bag….?”

There was no bag that existed that could possibly contain all that ass. “Hang on,” I told him.

I got scissors and tape and covered the box in cut up black bags. Looking relieved he picked up his purchase and left.

The next man to buy one carried it proudly to the counter; self assured and not embarrassed in the least. When I said I didn’t have a bag, but I could wrap it for him he gave a hearty shrug and hefted it into his arms, marching out the door with the butt on full display.

The last man to get one was just kind’ve an odd guy. Not creepy, but eccentric. We got along great, and as I rang him up I said, “Well one guy wanted his taped over, and one guy carried it out. What would you prefer?”

“There’s no bags?”

“No store bags. I think our jumbo trash bags in the back might fit it….?” It seemed rude to suggest putting a $500 item into a trash bag, but he wasn’t bothered.

He considered this then said, “Bring me the trash bag.”

When I delivered it to him he still managed to surprise me. Instead of shoving the huge box into it he opened the box. He took out his new $500 sex toy, and all the little things it came with, tipping them unceremoniously into the trash bag.

“There! Now I don’t have to deal with the box later!”

I was slightly stunned but agreed that I could easily deal with the trash. Then in a move I still think about with delight he flung the trash bag over his shoulder like a Santa with a sack full of ass and sauntered out the door.

If this or my other escapades made you laugh you could pop a tip into my Ko-fi! For more like this check my tag "ffs foibles".

#ffs foibles #funny #story #writing #story time #sex shop #retail #funny story

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liquidstar · 5 months

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Yes, Greece still exists, we didn't all die 2000 years ago. Yes, people speak Greek. You people are so fucking stupid for real. So many of you claim to love ancient shit but can't even acknowledge the actual living culture of the people whose mythology and classics you romanticize. You keep leaving annoying comments about how you just forget Greek people still exist, thinking you're being quirky because you love ancient stuff soooo much that you forgot about the people it came from. You think about it so little you don't even realize that an actual Greek person has to read this shit, making it clear how little you actually care about the culture beyond the romanticized (and westernized) mythology. Don't claim you love Greece, don't use our mythology anymore if you can't acknowledge that we're still around without making it about how little you think about us. It's mind boggling that you'd think a Greek person would read this and think you're anything but obnoxious. Explode.

#this post is edited because you're all annoying. maybe I'll turn it back someday #it sucks that people can't even be normal about a funny family story once the fact that we're greek comes into the fold #suddenly its all about blorbofied mythology shit and idiots saying ''GREECE IS REAL???? 🤯🤯🤯🤯'' yeah percy j*ckson didnt make it up #maybe it would be less annoying if they weren't all saying it like I'd think it's funny that they don't know we exist instead of like #disturbing on a personal level. like what the fuck #man if you can't acknowledge we exist in real life just name your oc Icarus something else idgaf #so yeah explode. Skase. Voulos'to. Valto mesa sto katamalakismeno mouni tis mana's sou. Psophise. etc.

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daily--cats · 1 year

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Lmao this is so funny ♡

#animal #animals #cat #cats #kitty #kittens #pet #pets #baby animals #funny #lol #haha #humor #meme #memes #dank memes #reddit #story

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and-corn · 8 months

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nothing like a good stretch for the first time in centuries

(Part 2 of this comic!)

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mostly-funnytwittertweets · 9 months

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#story time #twitter #tweets #meme #memes #tweet #funny #lol

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fuckyeahchinesefashion · 1 month

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It's not what I expected by 我是阿彪叻

#china #douyin #video #funny #share your stories if you ever learn a second language and then talk to native speakers #language #linguistics

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firethekitty · 9 months

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last semester i wasn’t doing well in a very important class i needed to pass in order to graduate so i was working my ass off writing essays and shit and every time i started slacking i would bring up this image and i’d say “ah fuck you’re right vash i really need to keep working” and then i’d write for another two hours and i actually managed to pass and graduate and i honestly don’t know if i would’ve been able to without this picture. thank you vash

#i wanted to share this story i think it’s really funny #like ‘yeah i owe about 70% of my college graduation to an image of vash telling me to stop fucking around’#talking #trigun #this is actually 100% true btw /srs #after 14k notes i feel the need to clarify that i did not intentionally bring this image up when i started fucking around #but he always seemed to find me. like when i looked at pics he was there. watching me. saying this. idk if that makes this funnier

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egguv · 2 months

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no reflection needed.

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grovylelover · 3 months

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people who know

#im never escaping from episode 65 binary #very funny little joke you made there #really funny bit. silly little gag.#im aware this means absolutely nothing in the story as is #however #sergey ushanka enjoyers who up #tmagp #tmagp spoilers #not OF anything but. just in case i guess #magpod #the magnus protocol #mine

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ohposhers · 4 months

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some old Troll Twin AU doodles I finally got around to coloring woohoo! naw but i highkey considered having them steal Floyd's talent through some sort of injection process in the AU cause they'd be the same size as him so i was like would the perfume shit still work?? who knows idk what im doing anymore

#trolls #trolls band together #velvet and veneer #floyd trolls #troll twins au #my art #velvet trolls #veneer trolls #throws velvet at a wall #i dont think i could actually go with the injection thing tho cause it just wouldnt work with the story #the idea of velvet shooting up before a performance is REALLY funny

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wellerdanny · 1 month

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The story of How did meleanor and levan meet:

Sebek 😭

#twisted wonderland #disney twst #my art #yuu twst #malleus draconia #twst #lilia vanrouge #sebek zigvolt #silver twst #twst meleanor #meleanor draconia #twst levan #Silver just sleeping there TT TT #LOL the story of their meeting is not Canon I just thought it would be funny to be like that

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foldingfittedsheets · 4 months

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Buckle up for another unhinged story time. Now, as I’ve said before, I used to work at a sex shop. At one point I had three roommates and we all worked the same dildo slinging retail job and lived together. It was extremely sitcom.

Now, as you’d imagine, living with three other people who also talked about sex toys all day created a microcosm of people who were all extremely comfortable around sex toys and related topics. No one left dirty toys laying around but seeing things left in showers or showing off a new purchase was just a Tuesday.

After some life upheavals I ended up living with one of those roommates again, just me and her. For the sake of this story let’s call her Betty. Betty and I shared a two bedroom, and the layout was all the common spaces were an open floor plan and then one hallway formed a T, with my room and bathroom to the left and Betty’s to the right.

Well, one day my cousin calls me up. He’s coming to town for a visit and I offer to put up him, his wife, and their more… sheltered friend. (Unbeknownst to me there was a full Briefing for this girl before she met me so that I didn’t overwhelm her with my blasé attitudes towards- well, most things).

They drove in from two states over and it was a long drive. I had to work and couldn’t greet them or spend the first day together. So I told them to come grab my key so they could all shower off and settle in before me.

I arrived home later that night and found the atmosphere a little awkward at first. Things quickly warmed up and I charmed their friend, impressing my cousin with my immaculate respect for personal comfort levels. We had a lovely evening. By the time we all said goodnight I’d dismissed the initial tension as being tired after a long drive.

The next day we all decided to go to the zoo. I’m a morning shower person, but I let them go first while I made breakfast. After breakfast it was my turn and I hopped in the shower.

Midway through my eyes fixed on it. A little pink sex toy, sitting brazenly on the rim of the tub. Oh no, I thought. This was why things had been awkward yesterday! I left out a personal object because I’d literally forgotten to ever put them away by that point.

What I felt wasn’t embarrassment per se, because that emotion had been utterly eradicated by that point. Rather it was a deep shame that I’d leave out something that might make a guest feel uncomfortable. They told me their friend was sheltered and I had left out a sex toy, it was the epitome of rudeness!

I rejoined everyone and said, “I am so sorry! I didn’t realize I’d left that in the shower, that was so rude of me!”

My guests all exchanged a Look. I looked from my cousin to his wife, she glanced toward their friend, and their friend looked at my cousin. No one would look at me.

“Well…” my cousin finally said, “you didn’t tell us which room was yours yesterday.”

I blinked in confusion, Betty’s room and bathroom were basically just like mine.

“When we got here,” his wife continued, “we went to the other side first. In Betty’s bathroom.”

Reader, Betty’s bathroom.

Had been absolutely covered in dildos. Sex toys of all shapes and sizes covered every flat surface, the tub rim, the sink, the shelves. Wall to wall sex toys. Apparently Betty was doing a spring cleaning and had left her entire extensive collection out to air dry.

These three weary travelers had opened a door to the dildo dimension and had no idea how to react. To this day I have no idea what context clues they used to figure out Betty’s room from mine.

But when I’d come home they were lost in the sex toy shell shock, presumably wondering how they could ever talk about it with someone who felt it was okay to leave out every sex toy they own when expecting company in some kind of bizarre power play.

By the time they finished telling me about this we were all laughing so hard we were in tears.

“When we saw your bathroom with one little pink toy it was so discreet we didn’t even care!” They told me.

After my cousin and his crew had gone on their way I finally told Betty the whole story. She listened with eyes growing wider and wider and finally burst out, “That’s why they were so weird when I got home!!”

#ramblies #funny #story #writing #nsft #ffs foibles

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great-and-small · 1 year

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Do y’all know about Frédéric Thomas? He is a French parasitologist who heard a story about crickets in New Zealand leaping into the water even though they can’t swim, and immediately speculated this suicidal behavior was related to behavior manipulation from an internal parasite. This is before neuro-parasitology was a field at all, and before people really put much stock into parasite’s ability to control animal behavior.

Thomas was certain that studying these crickets would be a huge priority for the scientific world given the implications of a parasite controlling an animal’s actions in such an insidious way. Unfortunately, absolutely nobody would fund Thomas’ expedition to study the crickets, and his grants were all declined. In a wild move that showcases the balls to the wall, near- insanity level passion of a biologist, Thomas declared a hunger strike and wrote a letter to the president of France saying he would not eat until someone took the matter seriously and funded his study on the suicidal crickets. I feel like those of us in research can at least a little bit understand this impulse.

Well the French government actually got Thomas’ message and freaked out a bit at the negative publicity that could arise from a crazy worm scientist starving to death. So they send some government bigwigs to the university to pressure Thomas and his department heads into calling an end to the hunger strike. In the flurry of attention that resulted from this, a Swiss billionaire heard about Thomas’ plight and offered to partially fund the study. The French government was happy to get rid of Thomas and contributed funding as well so that Thomas could head to New Zealand to study his suicidal crickets. He was right about the parasites causing the behavior!

The hunger strike debacle is not even the wildest part of this story. I love biology so much

#neuro parasitology #source: this is your brain on parasites by Kathleen mcauliffe #funny #stories #parasitology #biology #weird #animal behavior

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high-quality-tiktoks · 1 year

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from a marketing standpoint this netflix stuff is SO funny to me because it’s definitely not unheard of for companies to totally screw themselves over thinking what did it was a good idea😂😂like imagine to execs at netflix sitting around a table talking about this and saying “oh my god this is such a good idea, we’ll make so much money over this”😂😂😂ahhh i’m howeling

#video #tiktok #tiktoks #story time #funny #lmao #wtf #netflix #falconroundriver

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