#fuck pregnant women and that you basically cheated on your ex who then cheated on you but its ok bc shes the love of ur life
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i think if i painted my ex situationship i'd be cured it's the most shallow but intense connection i've had w anyone i think i am so obsessed w how she looks i want 2 photograph her/paint her forever rant in tags but ive talked abt it b4 so feel free to ignore
#god her personality is so . kind of repulsive its insane i think shes a good friend to her friends but#the way she just openly admitted to treating her exes like they r less than human w the most beautiful smile u have seen in ur life#shes acc tainted tottenham court for me bc i keep thinking of our second date where she wrapped her hands around me from behind waiting for#the train . also yh sorry we were one of those cringe ppl on the escalator sorry sorry never again sorry#shes shorter than me but on the escelators she was taller so she kissed the top of my head gently#w the most beautiful side profile on earth she said she didnt even lead me on. its fine it was never that serious#ill FUCKING KILL YOU#thinking abt when on a date she was like . yh my ex would look lovely pregnant 😊 like bitch. WHAT#also she has central heterochromia so like . super beautiful big green/brown eyes longest eyelashes ever + i dont want to lose you i think#im 80% sure we should just be friends ok my love#i took you to a party on a high-rise and you held my neck when u kissed me on a canary wharf rooftop and now you just told me you want to#fuck pregnant women and that you basically cheated on your ex who then cheated on you but its ok bc shes the love of ur life#????#anyway#sorry i am acc basically almost entirely over her this was triggered by her texting me to meet up a few mins ago#after ghosting me for a while . anywya w/e time to hang out w friends and study
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a/n: A couple of weeks ago I saw a post about ex’s to lovers, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. So basically it’s a story about two people who ended things on a semi-good note, like nothing inherently bad happened between them, but they decided to break up. Sometimes people find their way back to each other, though. That’s what we have here. Harry is a tax attorney, a few years older than our MC, Blair Smith, who teaches jazzercise. (not proofread) PLEASE REBLOG IF YOU READ THIS AND LIKE IT, YALL WANTED ME TO KEEP POSTING FICS ON HERE, SO HERE YOU GO! PLEASE, IT TAKES TWO SECONDS! Check out my patreon for other excursive content.
Warnings: angst, fluff, smut (sub!Harry????), mentions of death, a funeral
Words: 17.8K
Pairing: Harry x OC (Blair Smith)
When Blair Smith became a Physical Education major in college, she never thought that would lead her to leasing a dance studio, and teaching jazzercise. It took her until she was twenty-five to really get it all together. She wasn’t mad about it, she actually enjoyed it more than she thought. She double minored in Dance and in Business Administration, she had never been so thankful to have overloaded herself in her life. She thought she would be teaching gym at the high school level, along with some health and nutrition classes, but when she did her practicum semester at a local high school near her college, she realized that working with younger students was not for her. None of them listened, none of them really wanted to be there, aside from the gym-class-heroes, and she couldn’t stand that the majority wouldn’t even change their clothes for class.
Blair wanted to make her own rules. Luckily, after presenting a well-thought-out business plan to her parents, she was able to get them to co-sign for a loan from the bank to lease a dance studio. She named her studio Just Dance because she offered different types and levels of jazzercise. Some involved use of weights, some involved a little more high intensity, and some involved a little yoga. She was grateful for the couple of marketing classes she took because she was able to really build her brand. She had an Instagram, Facebook Page, and a website. She had an online way to sign up for memberships, and she had daily drop-in prices.
It was easier than she thought to build her clientele. She had a great spot in the city, and there was a small parking lot out back behind the building. Most of her friends from school signed up, and helped her advertise. It was open to men and women, as opposed to a lot of jazzercise places that only offered classes to women. Even though Blair couldn’t afford to hire a second instructor, she was managing things just fine. She offered two early morning sessions, one lunch hour session, and three evening sessions. So, she had plenty of time to relax, stretch, and not over work her muscles. She was strategic about class offerings as well. She gave herself Sundays and Fridays off, since those seemed to be the days with the least amount of people signed up. Monday through Thursday, and Saturday, she made sure to stagger her lessons. For example, Mondays and Wednesdays were weights and yoga infused classes, Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays were the high intensity days. Going into her fourth year doing this, she had it down to a science to say the least.
Business was always really good in January and February, when people were making their New Year’s resolutions, and during the summer months when people were trying to feel better about being in their bathing suits. Blair always preached positivity and inner health as the most important things. It was an inclusive space, which is exactly what she wanted it to be.
She liked working for herself. If she needed to run errands between classes, she could. If she wanted to take a nap in the middle of the day, she could. She didn’t have to answer to a single person. Her parents would sometimes ask questions, but mostly just to make sure Blair was making her loan payments on time. She had automatic withdrawals set up with the bank, so she didn’t even need to think about it. Yup, Blair had just about everything figured out, and she knew she was very lucky for that.
//
“Don’t worry, Mrs. Sullivan, we’ll get everything figured out for your son. Yes, he’s in very good hands with me. Alright, have a nice evening.” Harry hangs up his phone and sighs, rubbing at his temples to soothe the oncoming headache he could feel. It was another complicated trust fund case, but that was the job.
The Law Office of Styles and Associates was a tax attorney office. Harry specialized in cases that dealt with trusts, gifts, and various tax planning structures to reduce the burdens of income taxes and estate taxes, and he assisted in devising investment strategies. His undergraduate degree was in accounting, and he minored in pre-law. After that, he went to law school for three years and passed the bar. His father had been a tax attorney as well. Harry liked living the comfortable life he was able to live growing up thanks to his father, and he wanted the same for himself. Plus, he just enjoyed crunching numbers for people, so it was a win-win. Making nearly $150K a year wasn’t too shabby either.
“Hey, H, you ready to go?” John comes into Harry’s office.
“Yeah, just finished up for the day.” Harry stands up, puts his suit jacket back on, grabs his brief case, and heads out. “Kate, feel free to head home, I’m done for the day.” He tells his secretary on his way out.
“Thank you, Mr. Styles, have a nice weekend.” She smiles at him.
“Same to you.” He nods and keeps walking with John. “I feel terrible, she’s pregnant, you know? Her feet are the size of melons by the end of the day.”
“When’s her maternity leave start?” John asks as they enter the elevator.
“Not for a while, she’s only seven months along. She’s been trying to train some college intern to take her place while she’s gone, but no one’s as good as Kate.” Harry rolls her eyes. “Oh well, I’m happy for her. Her and husband have been trying to get pregnant for a while.”
Harry and John make their way to a bar downtown, one of their usual Friday evening spots. They usually met up with some of their other law-school buddies. It was also a great way to blow off steam from the week. Sometimes Harry would end up pulling a 60-hour week, so he thought he deserved to cut loose, and have a little fun with his friends. Maybe meet a pretty girl he could take back to her place and have a whole different kind of fun with her. Harry was a phenomenal attorney, but when it came to his personal life, well, if you looked up the definition of a playboy, his picture would be there. He fucked around, a lot, without a second thought. Actually, his only thought was to make sure he always had a condom. Harry never went bare back. The last thing he needed was someone claiming he was the father of their child, and suing him for child support. The only time he didn’t use a condom was when he was in a legitimate relationship a couple of years back.
He thought about her from time to time. He never met another girl like her, and there were times he really did miss her. The breakup wasn’t anything dramatic, the pair had just grown apart. Harry was in the process of taking over the practice for his father, and she…wasn’t quite ready to settle down. She wanted to work on her own career and make a name for herself. It hurt that she didn’t see him in her vision for the future, but he understood where she was coming from. She was a few years younger than him, and he didn’t want her to resent him for taking away her time to be young and have fun. So they ended it. Since her, he decided to have some fun himself with his friends.
//
Blair got the call right before her second morning class on Wednesday morning. She nearly collapsed on the floor in tears. Everyone rushed over to her. She had to cancel everything for the rest of the week, and her clients were more than understanding.
“How did it happen?” She asks her mother, Pam.
“He had a stroke, and…god, he just didn’t bounce back.” Pam uses a hankie to wipe her tears. “Most of everything should be all set, he was very specific, but…we’re going to need an attorney. Your father’s biggest fear is that his first wife would claim that she has a right to his pension, that she was promised money or something.”
“God, I hate her.” Blair grimaces. “All she’s ever cared about is making him miserable. She just wants money for her son. He’s not even Dad’s!”
“That’s why they got divorced! She cheated on him with his best friend and got knocked up. You can see how sticky this is going to get. I hate to ask, but…”
“I’ll go see him.” Blair sighs.
“I just think he might sympathize, maybe work the case pro bono. I’m not sure we could afford him otherwise.”
“Don’t worry about it, Mum, I’ll talk to him and figure it out. I’m not going to let Lora fuck everything up for you.”
//
Kate nearly choked on her water when she saw Blair walking towards her. She knew Harry had a meeting with a B. Smith. She should have known better.
“B-Blair, hi.” Kate says.
“Kate! Oh my goodness, you look incredible! You and Roger finally-“
“Yeah! I’m due in a couple more months.”
“That’s amazing, I’m so happy for you.” Blair smiles. “Um, I think I set up a meeting through an intern?”
“Yes.” Kate sighs. “I’m training her for when I go on maternity leave. Um, may I ask why you’re here to see Harry?”
“It’s strictly business. My…my father recently passed, and-“
“I’m so sorry.” Kate frowns. “He was always so nice.”
“Yeah, he was a good guy. Anyways, there’s a lot going on with his will and a trust he set up for my mom. Harry’s the only person I could think of when my mom said we’d need an attorney.”
“Of course.” Kate nods. “I’ll let him know you’re here.” Kate knocks on Harry’s door and opens it. “Mr. Styles?”
“Yes?”
“Your 2PM is here.”
“Ah, great.” Harry squints at his screen to check his calendar. “B. Smith? Why does that sound familiar?” He puckers his lips in thought.
“Um…it’s Blair.”
“Blair!” Harry stands up and bangs his knee in the process. “Why didn’t you tell me she was coming?!”
“I didn’t know! Maura answered when she called to set up the appointment.”
“Fuck.” Harry runs a hand through his hair. “How do I look? Is there anything in my teeth?”
“No, you’re fine. Just relax, I’m going to send her in.” Kate leaves his office and smiles at Blair. “He’s ready for you.”
“Thank you, Kate. We should catch up before the baby comes.”
“I’d like that. I miss going to your classes.”
Blair nods and goes into Harry’s office, closing the door behind her.
“Hi, Harry.”
“Hi.” He walks over to her, leaving about a foot of space between them. “To what do I owe the pleasure of seeing you?” Her bottom lip trembles, and his smile fades. “What’s wrong?” He asks softly.
“M…my Dad died.” She says, tears rolling down her cheeks.
“Oh, sweetheart.” He pulls her in for a hug so he can comfort her. “When’s the funeral? You know you could have just called me, you didn’t have to be so formal.”
“Actually, I did.” She sniffles and steps back from him. “I need an attorney, my mom and I do…only…we can’t really afford a good one.”
“Oh.” Harry nods. “Have a seat.” He gestures, and rounds his desk to sit back down in his own seat. “Is this about his ex-wife?”
“Unfortunately.” Blair rolls her eyes, and grabs a tissue off his desk. “My mom is scared she’s going to pull some fake paternity crap with her son, even though everyone knows he’s not my Dad’s. I think my mom just wants to be prepared for the inevitable shit storm Lora’s going to bring.”
“I don’t blame her.” Harry sighs and leans back in his chair. “I…haven’t taken a pro bono case yet this year. I could help that way.”
“Only if you really want to. I’m not asking for a handout, but I don’t trust anyone else to take care of me.” Blair blinks when she realizes what she’s said. “Us, I don’t trust anyone else to take care of us.”
“Right.” He leans forward. “I’d be happy to do it. Um, does your mom want to meet with me, or-“
“I think she’s sort of hoping I’ll take care of all the legal stuff. She’s grieving, you know?”
“So are you.” He frowns.
“You know me, I like to keep busy during these sorts of things. I can get a copy of the will, and the trust information over to you via email if that works, and then we can go from there?”
“Sure, yeah. My email’s still the same, um, and so is my phone number…”
“I still have your phone number.” She rolls her eyes.
“Then why didn’t you call me about this first? Why call and make an appointment?”
“I…I thought if I called…you’d think I was calling for something else.” She blushes. “I wanted you to know it was strictly business.”
“Blair, all you had to say was that your dad died. I could have been there for you. You live alone, all you do is work…your best friend is my cousin…do you and Riley even still talk?”
“Of course we do! Just because we broke up doesn’t mean that she and I did. I met you because of her, I was her friend first. It would be really shitty to stop talking to her because it didn’t work out with you.”
“Okay, Christ, calm down.” He shakes his head. “You’re as hot headed as ever, you know that?”
“I’m sorry, my father just died and I’m trying to keep it together!” Her eyes rim with tears again. “He’s never going to be able to walk down the aisle when I get married, he’s never going to meet his grandchildren, there are so many things…he was too young.” She sniffles.
“How did it happen?”
“He had a stroke, and didn’t recover.” She looks away.
“I’m so sorry.”
“I appreciate that, but that’s not going to being him back, so don’t be sorry. Just…help me with this.”
“I will, there’s no question about it.”
“Thank you, Harry.” She stands up. “I’ll email you.”
“Blair.” Harry stands up. “Look, if you need anything else, don’t be afraid to ask. If you need a friend…I’m here for you.”
“I have plenty of friends.” She sighs. “And no offense, but my friends don’t fuck a ton of women weekend after weekend and treat them like shit.” She smirks.
“I don’t do that.” His face flushes. “I just haven’t met someone I’ve really wanted to continue seeing, that’s all.”
“Harry.” Blair shakes her head as she chuckles. “Not that I ask, but Riley’s told me a few things. You two are close, and when she gets drunk she loves regaling me of your many escapades.”
“I’ll have to send her a very strongly worded text after you leave.” He rolls his eyes.
“Don’t get mad at her, it’s fine. I don’t really care.”
“You don’t?”
“No, why would I? It’s not me you’re fucking, so it doesn’t concern me.” She shrugs. “That’s the beauty of breaking up, Har, I don’t give a shit where you stick your dick at night.”
“Well, obviously you do if you won’t even let me be a friend to you, Blair.”
“I just…I don’t want us getting close again, alright? It’ll hurt when we end up parting way, and I don’t wanna go through that while also grieving my Dad. Can you understand that?”
“Yeah.” He nods. “Don’t worry, we’ll get this all sorted out.” He smiles at her.
“Thank you. I need to go. I told my mom I’d be over to help her pack some things up. She sort of just wants to rip the band aid and put his clothes away.”
“If you need any help at all with any heavy lifting, call me.”
“Harry.” Blair sighs.
“I’ve got that nice SUV, I can help move stuff, that’s all I’m saying.”
“I’ll keep that in mind. I’ll talk to you soon.” She says, and out the door she goes. Kate waits a moment before coming into Harry’s office.
“Scotch?” Kate asks.
“Scotch.” Harry nods, and Kate goes over to his credenza to take out his good crystal and liquor to pour him a small glass.
“You’ll get through this.” She lifts her water bottle to cheers with him, and he downs the brown liquid.
//
Blair was back at work the following week. She needed the distraction. Lora had been eerily quiet. Maybe she didn’t know that Blair’s father passed, but as soon as the obituary hit the papers, she was sure that witch would be out and about to cause some trouble. At the end of Blair’s last Thursday class, she heard the sound of dress shoes on the hard wood. She turns to see Harry.
“You know there’s not supposed to be outside shoes in here. I just mopped.” She puts her hands on her hips and huffs at him.
“Yeah, I’m well aware of the rules. I used to be your best customer, remember?” He smirks. “Anyways, I looked over all the documents, I thought you might like to go over everything with me before the funeral, in case she shows up to cause trouble, you’ll have all the facts.”
“I need to, like, go home and shower…today was an intensive day, I’m soaked.”
“Perfect, I’ve got dinner in the car. We can go there, eat, and go over the documents.” He smiles.
“You’re such a weasel.” She chuckles. “But I’m too tired to argue with you. What did you pick up to eat?” She raises an eyebrow at him.
“Nothing special.” He shrugs. “Just some dumpling curry from that Thai place we both like.”
“I take it back you’re not a weasel, you’re the devil.”
Harry drives over to Blair’s apartment. He didn’t have a key anymore so he had to wait for her. He follows her up to her apartment, and makes himself at home while she goes to take a shower. She hadn’t changed much, but he definitely noticed some different pictures on her bookshelves. They used to be littered with framed photos of them, and she had a ton of scrapbooks for the two of them, but those seemed to be missing now as well. He sighs while he plates up the food for the both of them, and opens up a bottle of wine while he waits. Blair comes out about ten minutes later with her hair wrapped up in a towel, and her long, plush, pink robe around her body. She sits down next to him at the island.
“Wine?” She questions, but picks up the glass to take a sip.
“It’s been a long day, to be honest with you. I’m gonna work from home to catch up on some sleep tomorrow since I don’t have any meetings.”
“You know I have Fridays off, we could have done this tomorrow.” She frowns.
“It’s okay, I figured you’d want everything now. The funeral’s Saturday, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, it is.”
“Eat up, and then we can look at everything.”
“We can do both at the same time.”
“Does your nose still run like a leaky faucet when you eat spicy food?” He smirks, and she rolls her eyes. “That’s what I thought.”
“Thank you for picking this up.” She says as she takes a bite. “I haven’t had this in forever.”
“Me neither…I stopped going because I didn’t want to run into you there.”
“That’s why I stopped going. We should have divided up restaurants when we broke up.” She laughs, and takes another sip of wine. “Do you mind if I dry my hair when we’re done eating? I’ll get a-“
“You’ll get a headache if you don’t, I know the drill.” He takes a sip of his own wine, and eats a spoonful of rice.
“Stop remembering things about me.” She swats a hand at him.
“We were together for long enough, Blair, I can’t help it.”
“Yeah, well, quit throwing it in my face, okay? We’re not doing this to go for a stroll down memory lane.”
Harry knew he’d be waiting at least twenty minutes while Blair dried her hair. He walks around her living room, stretching his legs a bit. He was curious to see what she had filled her bookshelves with. There was a picture of her and Riley from their freshman year of college. Harry picks it up and smiles. Harry was in his first year of law-school when Riley and Blair were college freshmen. He didn’t meet Blair formally until their senior year, and he was in his first year working at his father’s firm. He was helping Riley move in after winter break, and Blair had already been there.
“Blair!” Riley exclaimed. “I missed you so much.” She threw her arms around her.
“I missed you too! I’m glad we both agreed to come back a week early.”
“Same here. This is my cousin, Harry. Harry, this is Blair.”
“It’s nice to meet you.” Harry shook Blair’s hand.
“It’s nice to meet you too.” Her mouth had run dry. They held eye contact for a beat too long. “You’re in law school, right?”
“I finished last year, I’m actually working now. I’m a tax attorney.” He explains. “It’s my dad’s business.”
“And it’s super boring.” Riley rolled her eyes. “Har, could you bring everything in for me? I have a meeting with my advisor that I need to get to. We’re going over my practicum stuff.”
“Sure thing. We’re still getting dinner later, right?”
“Mhm, I shouldn’t be too long. Blair, you don’t mind if Harry hangs here for a bit, do you? You’re also welcome to come to dinner with us.”
“Sure, I don’t have a problem with it.” She shrugged.
“You’re the best. See you in a little while!”
“Is there a lot of stuff? I can help.” Blair said to Harry.
“Not a lot, no. But…I’ve never been here before, so if you could just show me upstairs, that would be great.”
“Yeah.” She nodded.
Harry brought Riley’s suitcase in, and Blair led him upstairs. She showed him Riley’s room.
“Is yours similar?” He asked.
“My room? Um, no…it’s a little different.” She swallowed. “Do you wanna see?”
“I’d love to.” He grinned, and followed her down the hall to her room. “Riley’s told me a lot about you over the years, but she failed to mention how insanely gorgeous you are.” He leaned against her wall after she closed her door.
“Well, she failed to mention how hot her cousin is, but I suppose that would be a weird thing to say about a family member.” She smirked. “How old are you, exactly?’
“I’m about to turn twenty-six, what about you?”
“I’m almost twenty-two…in May.”
“Not a huge age difference.” He walked towards her.
“Not at all.” She looked up at him with big eyes.
“Want me to kiss you?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay, all done.” Blair says, coming out with her all dry and pretty. “What are you doing?”
“Nothing, just saw this old picture of you and Riley.”
“God, we were babies then.” Blair smiles at the photo. “We took that on the day we met at orientation.” She looks at him. “Wanna sit on the couch?”
“Sure.” Harry grabs his briefcase and takes out all of the documents he needed to go over with Blair. “So, as you can see, your father set up a trust for you that you’ll get access to a year after his passing. That’s pretty standard. Your mother has a different sum of money that she’ll be able to access much sooner. There’s absolutely nothing in his will about Lora or her son. Even if she tries to contest it, there’s nothing in here that would indicate he was hiding anything. I looked over their divorce settlement as well, she stopped getting alimony when she remarried. She literally has no case. You and your mum can take a breather.”
“Oh, what a relief! Thank you, Harry. She’ll be able to let herself relax for the first time in a while.”
“Are you going to take any more time off from work?”
“Well, I’m closed Saturday, and I’m off Sunday, and I’m closed Monday as well. Then I’ll be back to it Tuesday.”
“You’re only giving yourself a long weekend?” He frowns.
“Harry, I can’t afford to keep closing. I make enough with the memberships, but I won’t be making the extra I do from the walk-ins.”
“Look, if you need some money-“
“Don’t you dare.” She stands up. “I don’t want your money, Harry, I never have, and I never will. I’m not your goddamn sugar baby!”
“I never said you were!” He says, standing up.
“But you used to make me feel like that all the time! You were always paying for every little thing. You never let me pay for a single thing. It was like you had zero confidence in me, even though I was running a successful business!”
“You were just starting out! All I wanted to do was help you, make it a little easier for you. You’re the one that went to their parents for loan help when I would have done it in a heartbeat! You crushed me.”
“We weren’t even living together, and you were ready to drop that amount of money on me?! That would have been so weird!”
“We were both working odd hours, and we had only been together a few months at that point, moving in would have been weird! A loan is totally different, I would have been investing in something great.”
“Well, I didn’t need your investment! We were together for nearly three years, Harry, what’s your excuse for not living together after all that time, hm?”
“I would have felt guilty. I was never home, I didn’t want you waiting up for me. It was easier when I could just come here and crawl into bed with you after a long day. And you always had to get up so much earlier than me. I thought…I thought it was better that we weren’t living together. You had never lived alone before, I wanted you to enjoy the freedom.”
“Was that it, or did you just want to keep your own?” She huffs, crossing her arms. “You know what, this fight is useless, it doesn’t matter because it’s not going to solve a single fucking thing. Thank you for your help, I really do appreciate it, but now that I know everything’s fine, you can go. If I need anything else from you down the line, I’ll reach out. I’m sure Lora will make a stink, and therefore I’ll need an attorney. But it’s all professional, Harry.”
“You’ve made that plenty clear already, thanks.” Harry packs up his things, and Blair walks him to the door. They look at each other. He just sighs and heads out the door.
Blair would be lying if she said that she didn’t miss Harry. They had a really special bond that was hard to find with just any one. All they did that first day they met was kiss, have a passionate make out, but that was it. Blair didn’t want to go too far with him in case Riley wasn’t comfortable with it. But Riley was overjoyed when Harry asked if she would mind if he asked Blair out on a date. It was a whirlwind from there.
He took her on some of the nicest dates she had ever been on. Most guys would take her out for coffee, maybe a movie if they could scrape the money together, but Harry took Blair out to nice restaurants, and to the movies that had lux levels. Not to mention his condo, god, she loved his condo. He liked that she kept things simple. Crockpot dinners at her place, watching TV curled up in her little full-sized bed, and clipping coupons together on Sunday mornings. That was where they had sex for the first time, in her little bed after their fifth date. He told her he loved her for the first time on the top of a Farris Wheel during the spring carnival her campus held, and she wasted no time saying it back. After that, a deeper trust formed between the two of them. One that not a lot of people would understand. Harry didn’t quite understand it himself since he was usually the one who was a little more dominant in bed, but with Blair…well, needless to say after a long week of working cases, his favorite thing was to come home, find her in his bedroom with some lingerie on, and letting her tie him to the bed posts for a little while. It was a release he didn’t even really know he needed. And with her, having been a college student about ready to graduate and enter the real world, it felt like so many things were out of control. Harry gave her that control back.
Harry wonders if that’s why they breakup seemed so much harder on him than her. It seemed like Blair was able to let go so easily. Yes, he started fucking around afterwards, but he just couldn’t get that same high from anyone else, nor did he trust some random girl at a bar to do the things for him that Blair once did. Blair was just better at hiding her emotions. She missed Harry, she’s missed him for a long time now. She cried for weeks, feeling this undeniable ache in her heart without him around. But, she had her studio to throw herself into, a brand to keep building. It was the perfect distraction, and even though she missed Harry, she didn’t hate being single for the first time in a while. For three years, Harry had been like her security blanket. The way she looked at it, every kid eventually stops sleeping with their security blanket at some point. It was time to be independent.
//
The funeral was a graveside service. It was cloudy, but there wasn’t rain, which was probably the only upside Blair could think of. She was there, sitting next to her mother, other family members in the row behind them. Her mother was holding Blair’s hand, but this is one the few times Blair wished someone was there for her. Just as the service was about to get started, someone sat down next to her. She looks to her right and sees Harry, dressed in black from head to toe. He doesn’t say anything, he just puts his arm around her, and rubs his shoulder. He gives Blair’s mom a soft smile before sitting back in his seat.
“Harry…you weren’t supposed to come until afterwards…” Blair says.
“I know.” He looks at her. “I just wanted to be here for you.”
Harry gave Blair his extra tissues while she cried during the service. He held her the entire time, and stayed back once it was over. Then, he offered to drive Blair and Pam back to Pam’s home. Neither of them were in any condition to drive. There were a lot of people that came back to the house afterwards. Blair was able to calm down a bit, but her mother was really taking it hard.
“We don’t have to do this today.” Harry says to Blair.
“No, we should just rip the band aid. Then she can just…” Blair’s eyes widen when she sees Lora walk through the door. “Oh, you miserable cunt.” She says.
“What?” Harry asks, confused.
“Not you, Lora’s here.” Blair storms over to her. “What are you doing here?”
“Nice to see you too.” Lora smiles. “I’m here to grieve the loss of my first husband.”
“You weren’t at the funeral.”
“I didn’t want to upset anyone.” Lora shrugs. “So…have you read the will yet? I think I should be in on that.”
“Lora.” Pam says when she walks over. “Alright, let’s get this over with.” Pam sighs, and has everyone follow her down the hall to the guest bedroom. Harry takes out the paperwork.
“There’s been-“ He starts, but he’s cut off.
“I’m sorry, but how is it legal if her boyfriend is reading the will?” Lora asks.
“We’re not together anymore. We haven’t been for a while. He’s here as our attorney, that’s it.” Blair says.
“Anyways, been a trust set up for Blair a little down the road. Everything else, including the house, has been left to Pamela Smith. There is no mention of anyone else’s name.”
“That can’t be right.” Lora scoffs. “I was promised-“
“He would have never left you anything.” Pam says. “And I’m sick of dealing with you. He’s gone, he’s left you nothing, you have no ties to us now. It’s clear as day that Derek is not his. He owed you absolutely nothing, you gold digging bitch.” Pam steps closer to Lora. “Now, get out of my house before I have you removed. I buried my husband today, I am in no mood to be fucked with.”
“Fine.” Lora says, turns on her heel and leaves.
“Way to go, Mum.” Blair gives her a high five. “I thought she’d put up more of a fight than that.”
“With your father maybe, but not with me. I’ve ripped her cheap extensions out more than once, and she knows I’ll do it again.” She takes take a deep breath. “I think I’m about ready to be done for the day. I need to lay down.”
“Do you want me to stay tonight?” Blair asks her.
“No, honey, thank you. Auntie Fay is staying, I’ll be alright.” She looks at Harry. “Harry, I can’t thank you enough for helping with all of this.”
“Don’t mention it. If there’s anything else I can do, anything at all, don’t be afraid to ask.”
“Drive Blair home.”
“Mum.”
Pam raises her hands in defense and leaves the room.
“I can drive you back if you want. I took an uber out here as it was.” Harry says, shoving his hands in his pockets.
“You’ve done enough for me today, it’s alright…I can make it back on my own. Riley’s flying back in from Chicago tomorrow and we’re gonna have a girl’s day, so-“
“Blair, I still have your keys in my pocket, I’m driving you.”
“I don’t need you to swoop in here and act like superman, Harry.” Her bottom lip trembles. “I know my dad’s not around to do it anymore, but-“
“Hey.” He takes her in his arms. “I wish I could take it all away, I really do. I wish you weren’t going through all of this, baby.”
“Harry.” She sighs heavily into his chest.
“Sorry.” He rests his chin on the top of her head. “Some habits are hard to break I guess.”
“Have you called anyone else baby in the last year?” She nuzzles in close to him.
“No.” He tilts her chin up to look at him. “I never could.”
“Okay, you can drive me home.” She sighs. “I’m about ready to pass out as it is.”
Blair takes a few minutes to say goodbye to the people still at the house before her and Harry get into her car. He keeps the music volume low, and her eyes start to droop. Harry can’t help but feel soft and warm knowing she was so easily able to fall asleep with him there still. She’d always fall asleep on long car rides.
“Blair.” Harry says, trying to wake her up. “We’re at your place, love.” She groans at him, and he sighs. “Are you really going to make me carry you up?” She groans again and he rolls his eyes. Blair would always pretend to be asleep so Harry would carry her inside. He unbuckles her, gets out, and opens her door to lift her out. “You’re killing me.” He grunts as he carries her to the front door. He keys in, and carries her up the stairs to her door. “I know you’re awake.” He says as he brings her to her bedroom.
“Mm, but you’re so strong and warm.” She mumbles.
“Okay.” He chuckles and lays her on her bed. “Are your pj’s still in the third drawer of your dresser.”
“Harry.” She sits up. “You don’t have to do all that…”
“I was just gonna grab you a shirt and get out of your hair.” He says innocently.
“God, I’m so confused.” She pinches the bridge of her nose.
“About what?” He grabs a bed shirt for her, and sits on the edge of her bed.
“I think I’m just feeling vulnerable, I don’t know.” She looks away from him. “I don’t want you to go.” She mutters, and then looks at him. “But I also don’t want to get your hopes up.”
“If you need me to stay as a friend, I can do that.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’d never leave you like this.” He runs a hand through his hair. “I was just gonna pretend to leave, and then crash on your couch.”
“Well, you don’t have to do that. Got a queen sized bed now, plenty of room.”
“I can see that.” He smiles. “There was nothing wrong with your old bed. It was kinda fun when we were practically sleeping on top of each other.”
“Yeah, but your bed was better for…well…never mind.” She clears her throat. “Um, I still have some of your old pajama pants in my drawer, you can wear those if you want.”
“I’m good with just boxers if that’s alright with you.”
“Oh, um sure.” She gets off the bed to stand up. “I’m just gonna go wash up and change.”
Harry nods and gets undressed. He goes over to her bathroom door to wait his turn. Blair’s eyes widen when she sees him standing there in his underwear.
“You don’t have a spare toothbrush, do you?”
“Um, you can use one of the extra heads I have for my electric brush.”
“Thanks.” He steps into the bathroom as she leaves to go back to her bedroom.
“Oh my god.” She says to herself. He had beefed up a bit. Harry was already sort of beefy, but he used to be leaner. Had he been getting a lot of protein? She shakes her head as she crawls into bed. Harry comes in shortly after and gets in on the other side. She turns her head to look at him. “Thank you, Harry.”
“You don’t have to thank me.” He looks at her. “I’d be a pretty shitty person to leave you in a time like this.”
“Yeah, but you could be catching tail at some bar with your friends.” She smirks at him.
“You make me sound like I’m promiscuous or something.” He chuckles and turns fully on his side towards her. She does the same. “It’s a stress reliever, and I always wrap it up. M’not doing anything wrong.”
“Do you, um, do what we used to do with any of these hookups?”
“No.” He smirks. “No, I don’t think I could ever trust someone in that way again even if I tried.” He chews his bottom lip. “What about you?”
“Harry, to be honest with you…I haven’t slept with anyone since we broke up.”
“Blair, that was a year ago.”
“I’m well aware.” She rolls her eyes.
“That’s a long fucking dry spell.”
“It’s not a dry spell, it’s a personal choice. I threw myself into the studio, I worked on choreographing a ton of new dances. I was building my brand, bringing in more clientele. Plus…anytime I’d use a dating app or go out with Riley to a bar…no one was ever you.”
“I know things seemed mutual and we didn’t end in some big blow up…but I was so hurt that we couldn’t make things work.” He reaches to tuck some hair behind her ear. “I thought we were going to be together forever.”
“So did I…but I don’t know if I was ready for something so long-term yet, which I know sounds stupid because three years is a long time to be with someone.”
“It’s not stupid. I would have felt the same at that age. It was sort of selfish of me to try to lock you down the way I was.”
“You weren’t being selfish for wanting to be with me, Harry.”
“You know, the last thing I expected when I helped Riley move in that semester was falling in love with her roommate. You just looked so cute that day.”
“You remember how I looked when we first met?”
“How could I forget? You were wearing these sweater leggings that had snow flakes on them, and you were wearing this oversized sweater that was hanging off your shoulder, and you kept trying to tug it back on. You seemed so flustered around me.”
“I was.” She laughs. “I thought for sure you just wanted to fuck me and then leave with the way you pushed me up against the wall when you kissed me.”
“Yeah, you nearly shit yourself at dinner afterwards. Poor Riley had no idea I frenched you for a solid thirty minutes.”
“My lips were so swollen, she had to have known. I was more in shock when you came by a week later to ask me out. God, you were so cute, you were waiting outside my apartment with hot apple cider, and I had such a shit day at my practicum. I was in dingy sweats too, and you still told me I looked beautiful.”
“And I meant it.”
“Then you said I looked tired, and right before I went off on you, you pulled me inside and said that you were going to make me dinner so I could go upstairs and take a long hot shower.”
“Mhm, made you spaghetti and meatballs.”
“And that really yummy homemade garlic bread.” She smiles.
“Then we cuddled up and watched Ratatouille.” He chuckles.
“I was so mad that you had never seen it! And then you ended up loving it.”
“It’s a great movie, honestly.” He says, smiling at her. “Best first date ever.”
“Yeah, it was. When I went to sleep that night I couldn’t believe that a real man wanted to be with me. I don’t think any of the guys I dated in college knew how to cook.”
“Pretty sure I did a good job making you forget about any other guy you had ever been with.” He smirks, and she nudges his shoulder.
“Maybe…maybe when I’m in a better mindset…we could talk about…I mean…I’ve been thinking about you a lot ever since we started talking again, sorry, I’m rambling.” She sighs. “I don’t want you to think that I wanna give things another shot because you’ve been helping me and my mom, but it’s been hard not to think about it…especially after today.” She blinks away a few tears. “I wasn’t expecting you to come to the service. Riley felt awful that she couldn’t be there, and I felt so alone, even being with my mom. You’re so selfless.” She pouts at him.
“I would love to talk about potentially getting back together. I…I don’t think I realized how much I missed you until you walked into my office. I thought I was out having the time of my life, but I wasn’t. Nobody could ever compare to you.”
“I think I just need some time to make sure I’m not…I’m not just feeling this way because you’re being so sweet to me when no one else is.”
“Take all the time you need.” He strokes her cheek. “M’gonna turn over now. If you just so happen to feel like spooning me, I promise not to question it.”
“Please, snuggling sounds like the perfect medicine after today. Assume the position, Styles.”
He chuckles and rolls onto his other side. Blair slots a leg between his, and wraps her arm around his stomach. They both sigh, and wiggle closer to one another. Blair hadn’t felt peace like this in quite some time, and neither had Harry.
//
Blair woke up in a fog the next morning. Her eyes still felt puffy and swollen from crying, and even though the clock read 10AM, she felt like she could stay in bed for at least two more hours. She remembers Harry staying and falling asleep with her, but he wasn’t there next to her now. Where he laid was still warm, so he couldn’t have left too long ago. When she smells coffee, she wakes up a bit more. There was a coffee cup from Dunkin’ on her side table, along with a small bag that she knew had to be a coffee cake muffin. She sits up and sees a note next to the casual breakfast.
Had to rush off to the office this morning. Got a call that one of my major clients passed, and his family is already fighting over the money. Had to time to run out and get you brekkie though! I’ll call you later. – H
Blair pouts at the note, and takes a sip of her coffee, which had cooled down just enough for her to sip it without burning her tongue. She texts Harry a quick “thank you” before diving into her muffin. This was his signature “sorry for not being there when you wake up” breakfast treat. There had been many mornings Blair had woken up alone after spending the night with him. It wasn’t because Harry liked scooting out, he just usually got pulled away due to something work related, and he knew that Blair liked being able to sleep in when she could on the weekends, especially when she was still in school. She never minded because she knew he was busy. She used to just lounge around for an hour or so in his large bed before getting up and making it. Then she’d take an indulgent bath in his Jacuzzi-tub. He’d usually get back to her sometime in the afternoon, and they would snuggle up to watch a movie before he brought her back to her apartment. It worked for them.
There were plenty of times Blair had to scoot early as well. When she was doing her practicum, she needed to be at the high school no later than 7AM, which sucked because at the time she was a major night owl. It’s taken her years of discipline to get herself to fall asleep at a reasonable time so she wouldn’t be so groggy and grumpy in the morning. That was something that Harry helped with as well. He told her about this sleepy time playlist on Spotify that he would listen to on the nights he needed to go to bed early. Blair had told him she couldn’t afford the premium membership and she didn’t want to be jolted awake by ads. So what did Harry do? He bought the subscription plan that allowed for two people to be on it, helped her shift her account, and even though she protested, he insisted. The music sounded like something a masseuse would put on, and it always put her right to sleep. Harry was a genius, at least Blair thought so.
“How do you always have an answer for everything?” She had cried to him on a particularly stressful evening. It was after she graduated, and she had just gotten her business up and running. She felt overwhelmed and scared. “You always stay so calm, it’s like you don’t even care!”
“I just know that this’ll pass, baby. You just graduated from college, you’re going through a major life change. You’ve had the same routine all your life, and now it’s completely different. In a few months things won’t feel as scary.” He smiled at her, and wrapped his arms around her mid-section. “Went through the same thing myself not too long ago. I promise, it gets a lot better. Your early twenties fucking suck.”
“Yeah? How are things looking in the world of mid to late twenties?” She pouted up at him.
“Well,” he moved some hair away from her face, “I’ve got an incredible girlfriend who loves me, and I just so happen to love her, and I’m feeling settled in mt job, and I have a great place to live, and oh! Finally stopped having stress dreams about missing a big exam. Can’t complain too much.”
“I…I’m gonna be really busy at the studio. I have to choreograph all these dances, and start advertising, and-“
“Hey, I’ve got an idea.” He tugged her along down the hall to his home office.
“Harry, I’m not in the mood to fuck in your office…” She said, and Harry chuckled.
“As much as I love it when you let me bend you over my desk, that’s not what this is about.” He took her inside and took out a few sheets of blank paper and some pens. He sat down and pulled her into her lap. “Alright, this used to help me all the time when I was super stressed, still does, actually.” She watched as he drew three large circles, and wrote CHOREOGRAPHY in one, SOCIAL MEDIA, in another, and BUDGET
in the last. “Alright, so these are some rather large cookies, wouldn’t you say?” He looked up at her, and she looked down at him and nodded. “Okay, so what are some ways we can take little bites out of these?”
“Like a checklist for each?”
“Sort of, yeah.” He drew a few stems from each circle. “Almost like a backwards flow chart.”
“Is this what you do with your clients when they ask for financial advice?”
“Sometimes.” He nodded. “But more importantly, I want to help my girlfriend who is insanely frazzled. I hate when people try to be problem solvers…so hope you don’t think that’s what I’m trying to do…”
“No.” She shook her head. “This is great. I think if I have it all laid out in front of me…and can check certain things off…take smaller bites, like you said, I can handle things better.” She grabbed a pen and started writing, and making more stems, color coding a few of them. “My parents are gonna help cover the loan payments for the first year so I can save up, and start paying off my student loans.” She chewed her bottom lip. “And I can set aside some time in the mornings to do the social media stuff, and use the afternoons for choreography…evenings I can work on my website.”
“Just think of how sweet it’ll all taste by the time you finish.” He smiled up at her, and she leaned in to peck his lips.
“I love you, Harry, thank you.”
“I love you too, baby.” He kissed her again, ever so tenderly and soft. “Don’t let this stuff build up, you know you can talk to me about anything.”
“I just feel like my problems are so trivial, like, there are people that are starving, and I’m crying about being overwhelmed.”
“Your feelings are valid, don’t compare it to what someone else might be going through.”
“Do you think, um, could you just hold me for a bit?” It was so rare for Blair to be this vulnerable. Usually she was the one to hold Harry, but once in a while she just really needed him.
“Of course.” He shifted in his seat to cradle her to his chest. He was so warm and inviting, he always made Blair feel safe.
Blair sighs, and shakes herself from the memory. She couldn’t bask in the good times and act as if there weren’t also bad times. Although…there really weren’t that many bad times. She finishes up her muffin and gets out of bed. She grimaced when she saw herself in her bathroom mirror, and decided a long, hot shower would do her some good. She didn’t have the energy to wash her hair, so she grabs a scrunchie to put it up in a bun on the top of her head. As the warm water cascades over her body, she can’t help but continue to let her mind wander to other old memories.
“Harry! I told you I’d be five minutes.” Blair whispered to Harry as he entered the bathroom. He locked the door behind him and smirked. “Riley’s home! Just down the hall sleeping.” Harry pulled back the shower door, and walked into it with her. All he did was put a finger up to his lips.
“Then we’ll need to be quiet.” He whispered to her, ghosting his lips over hers.
“I…I’ve never had sex in the shower before. I always heard it wasn’t as cracked up as it looks in the movies.”
“That’s because people try too hard to do it full on.” He stepped into the water, getting his hair wet, and then moves her so she’s pressed up against the wall. He knelt in front of her, and looked up at her wet body. “Can I make you feel good, baby?”
“Y-yes.”
He grinned, and lifted one of her legs over his shoulder.
“Now, you need to stay quiet.” He pressed his lips to one of her hip bones, and kissed across her pelvis. “So, if it gets to be too much, just suck on your fingers or something, pull my hair, whatever you need to do.” She watched as his eyes darkened when he licked over her clit. His tongue moved to her slit and licked up. He moaned, letting his eyes flutter closed before looking back up at her. “You have no idea how fucking good you taste.”
“Blair!” Riley exclaims as she comes into the apartment. Blair’s taken from her thoughts just as she was whimpering out Harry’s name.
“I’m in the shower!” Blair yells back, and finishes cleaning herself up. She meets Riley out in the living room once she’s thrown some sweats on. “Hi.”
“Oh, god, I’m so sorry I couldn’t be there.” Riley wraps her arms around her friend.
“You couldn’t have known.” Blair hugs her back. “A month in Chicago, I can’t wait to hear all about it.” They let go of each other.
“Are you sure you wanna talk about all that?”
“Yeah, I need the distraction.”
“Alright. I brought coffee and doughnuts.” Riley smiles.
“Thank you, but I might save that for later. I had coffee and a muffin earlier…um, Harry spent the night last night.” Blair blushes as they both move to sit on the couch.
“Holy shit! Pleas don’t tell me you called him for a booty call.” Riley frowns.
“No, it was nothing like that. I told you he was helping with all of the legal stuff…he ended up coming to the funeral unannounced. He was there for me…he drove me home and I asked him to stay. We just slept, and he was gone before I woke up because of a work thing.”
“Ah, and he brought you the old comfort breakfast to make up for it.” Riley shakes her head. “Well, I’m glad he was there for you. I always hoped you would become friends at some point after you broke up.”
“I don’t think I realized how much I missed him. I’ve been so independent for the last year, it felt kind of nice to lean on him for a change.”
“Do you think you wanna get back together?”
“I don’t know…I was definitely feeling something yesterday, even this morning, but I don’t know if it’s because I’m just sad and vulnerable, or if it’s because I really wanna give it a second go. I don’t really know what would be different this time. He still works crazy hours, and-“
“He’s dialed back a lot.” Riley cuts him off. “Ever since he’s taken over, and once he really got settled into it, he hasn’t been working himself to the bone like he was. Are there still some sixty-hour weeks? Sometimes, but not like he was, I swear.”
“He didn’t seem to think we still spoke…so that made me think you weren’t as close with him…”
“I don’t hang out with him as much…I speak with his friend John quite a bit, though.” Riley blushes.
“Speak to or fuck?” Blair smirks.
“Don’t. If Harry knew I was messing around with one of his boys, god, I don’t even wanna think about it.”
“Oh, so he can go out with your friend, but you can’t go out with his?”
“John and I aren’t going out. We just…meet up to fuck sometimes, but we both still hookup with other people. I mean, I’m sure he slept with his share of people while I was away.”
“Did you?”
“There were a couple of people I let take me back to my hotel, yeah.” Riley nods. “Don’t say anything to Harry, okay?”
“Christ, I’m not his best friend all of a sudden. I think I was just emotional last night. I doubt we’ll even-“
There’s a jingle of keys, and then Harry’s entering the apartment. He freezes when he sees Riley.
“Hey! You’re back.” He smiles at his cousin. “How was Chicago?”
“Windy.” Riley says. “But fun, I made a ton of sales.”
“That’s great.” Harry sets the keys on the kitchen counter and then comes further into the living area. “How are you this morning?” He asks Blair.
“I’m okay, um, thanks for breakfast.”
“Yeah, of course, sorry I had to skip out. Uh, I just came back to see how you were, but I can see your girl’s day has started, so I’ll head out.”
“You can stay, Har, we were just gonna paint our nails, nothing you haven’t done with us before.” Riley says. “You don’t mind, right, Blair?”
“S-sure, you can stay, Harry…if you want to.”
“I’d love to stay.” He comes over and sits down on Blair’s other side. “Nothing like giving you a Styles sandwich to make you feel better.” He smirks. “Alright, Riles, what colors did you bring?”
The three ended up having a great day together. It felt like old times. They painted their nails, ordered Chinese, and watched Mystic Pizza. Riley was starting to get tired, so she left around six. The jet lag was catching up with her. So it was just Harry and Blair sitting on the couch watching Wall-E.
“Do you remember the first time we watched this?” Harry asks her a few minutes in.
“Mhm.” Blair smiles without looking at him. “It was that weekend we went away Hampton Beach, and it rained in the evening, so instead of being annoyed, we got all cozy and watched this.”
“After…” He looks at her, a smirk growing on his face.
“Harry.” She rolls her eyes.
“Come on, what did we do just before settling in to watch this adorable film?”
Blair sighs, but gives in, “We made hot fudge sundaes, and, um, I let you lay me on the counter and lick chocolate sauce and whipped cream off my body.” She swallows. “Then I did the same to you. We made a mess of the Air BnB.”
“We cleaned it up. Then we got into that big, comfy bed and just vegged out. Think this is one of my favorite Pixar films that you showed me.”
“You really liked Cars too.” Blair chuckles.
“Yeah, I did. That was a good one.” Harry leans back on the couch, crossing his arms behind his head.
“You don’t need to do this, you know?”
“Do what, love?” He says without looking at her, eyes focused on the screen.
“Babysit me.” She mutters.
“S’not what I’m doing.” He scoffs. “I’m enjoying spending time with you, Blair.” He looks at her. “And I’m worried about you, but I’m not babysitting you.” He puts his hand on her knee and gives it a squeeze before taking it away. “Just relax, yeah?”
“Thanks.” She pauses for a moment. “Harry…would you be taking care of me like this if you had a new girlfriend?” Her eyes start to well up with tears. “Because-“
“Why are you asking a what if like that?” He reaches to wipe her tears with his thumbs. “At the risk of sounding totally lame…I was sort of just waiting on you. Sort of hoping you’d wanna get back together at some point. I tried dating, but it’s like I told you…no one was ever you.”
“So you just kept fucking strangers?” She was so confused.
“It was all meaningless. I figured if you were out there living your life, then I should do the same.” He shrugs.
“Harry, I know you think we broke up because you thought I needed time to be young or whatever, but I wasn’t out there fucking a ton of different people. I just…I don’t know, I wanted to be on my own.”
“And I understood that, as much as it upset me. What was I going to do, beg you to stay my girlfriend?” He moves a bit closer to her. “If we were to get back together, what would you want to be different? Obviously things stopped working…”
“It’s not that they stopped working, I just…I think I just grew up a little bit. You gave me plenty of room for it, but I just sort of realized that there were other things I wanted to do and I didn’t wanna be totally tied down. If we were to get back together, I wouldn’t want you paying for things all the time, or thinking you need to fix all of my problems. Sometimes I just want someone to listen without making suggestions, you know?”
“I didn’t even realize I was doing that.” He runs a hand through his hair and sighs. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, I know you always meant well, and you were just trying to help in your own way.” She gives him a reassuring smile. “It didn’t always bother me, but sometimes it did. I wasn’t perfect either, I know how closed off I could get.” She furrows her brows. “I’ve been trying to work on that. I added the yoga into my routines…so that’s been helping. You sort of inspired that.”
“I should start my membership back up.”
“Yeah…it would be nice to see you in class again.”
“Remember when I started coming on Tuesday evenings, and then we’d go to the Thai place for dinner afterwards?”
“Mhm, and then you’d take us back to your place, and set up a bath for us.” She sighs dreamily. “And then you’d massage my calves for me, ugh, I always loved that.”
���Couldn’t have my baby being sore the next morning, could I?” He pouts playfully at her, and she giggles.
“You were always so good to me.” Her face was only a few inches from his now.
“Fucking worshiped you.” His lips ghost over hers, and she whimpers.
“Kiss me, Harry.”
His lips slot over hers immediately, and cups her cheeks to pull her even closer. He sucks on her bottom lip, and she whimpers again. Blair tugs on Harry’s shirt, and then pushes his back to the couch. She moves to straddle him, and he wraps his arms around her body. They’re both grabbing at different parts of one another, and she shifts so she’s only straddling one of his thighs, rolling her hips down onto it. Harry groans, and starts kissing on her neck. She gets a fist full of his hair, and yanks his head back.
“Harry, I don’t think this is a good idea.” She admits. “I mean…we haven’t agreed to anything. I think we should take this slow, don’t you?”
“You just told me to kiss you, and then you climbed into my lap.” He smirks, and she starts laughing.
“Yeah.” She grips his chin with her other hand. “You’re always good at doing exactly what I say.”
“Always.” He agrees. “If you’re not planning on having your way with me then you should get off. You’re only gonna rile me up, and I’ve not done anything to deserve that.”
“No, I suppose you deserve a reward instead of a punishment.” She presses her forehead to his and lets her hands fall to his shoulders. She sighs heavily and then looks at him again. “I need a little more time. I wanna make sure that this really makes sense. The last thing I wanna do is hurt you again.”
“I don’t want you to feel hurt either.” He squeezes her hips. “I wanna give you the time, Blair, but you’ve also had a year to sort your feelings. You either wanna do this or you don’t.”
“I really hate it when you’re right.” She huffs. “But I know what you’re saying.”
“How about this…why don’t we go out Saturday night? We could go on a date, and see how it feels.”
“Why not Friday?”
“Because you work early on Saturday mornings, darling, and you’re just going to be getting back to it again.” He tucks some hair behind her hear. “Can’t have you being sleepy.”
“You’re so sweet.” She smiles. “Okay, yeah, I’d like that. Um, did you want to just go out for dinner?”
“If that’s what you wanna do, baby. I’m down for whatever.”
“I haven’t been to that grill we used to go to all the time in forever. Feel like I could go for a really good burger.”
“Alright, we’ll go to Benson’s. I’ll pick you up around six, how’s that sound?”
“I think it sounds like a date.”
//
On Wednesday evening, much to Blair’s surprise, Harry walked into one of her evening classes with Riley. Riley had a cheeky smile on her face, and Blair just shook her head at the two of them. It had been ages since Harry had been to one of her classes, and he had picked a yoga day.
“Good evening, everyone!” Blair says once everyone gets there. “We’re gonna start off with our warm up, and then get in to it. We’ll work a little with the weights, and then we’ll cool down with the yoga like always. Does everyone have their weights?” She hears a collective yes. “Alright!” She hops up onto the small stage and gets the music playing.
When the class is over, a few people hang back to talk to Blair. Riley would usually grab a quick bite with her after class. A guy was talking to her now.
“Hey, who is that?” Harry asks Riley as they clean up their stations.
“Hm? Oh, that’s Rich, he has a thing for Blair.” Riley rolls her eyes. “He refuses to take a hint. The second he found out she was single he was all over her. She’s nice to him, but she doesn’t like him back.”
Harry narrows his eyes, and reads Blair’s body language like a book. Her arms were crossed, and she was casually trying to step away from Rich.
“I’ll get him to leave her alone.” Harry says.
“Harry, don’t.” Riley grabs his wrist. “She can handle herself.”
“I know she can, but she looks so uncomfortable. What if they were left alone here, and he tried something. He needs to know she has some backup.” Harry walks over to the two, and Blair can’t help but smirk because she knows exactly why Harry’s walking over. “Hey, sorry to interrupt, but we should get going if we want to make trivia night.”
“Right! Yeah, sorry, Rich, I need to get the studio cleaned up so I can head out.” Blair was thankful. Harry was always good at coming up with excuses for them to leave places early. Usually it was because he needed to get her home so she could fuck him, obviously now that wasn’t the case.
“Oh…alright, well, I’ll see you next week. Have a good night.” Rich looks Harry up and down before leaving.
“Thank you.” Blair sighs. “He’s a nice guy, but I’m not interested.”
“Obviously.” Harry scoffs. “Have fun with Riley.”
“You don’t wanna come with?”
“Nah, I need to get home. I have some stuff I need to do before tomorrow. Still on for Saturday?”
“Mhm.” She nods with a smile.
“Good.” He kisses her cheek. “I’ll call you Friday.”
Harry leaves and Riley helps Blair cleanup before they head out to a Panera for dinner.
“So, you two are going out on Saturday?” Riley asks her when they sit down with their food.
“Yeah, it’s sort of like a first date. I wanna make sure things feel really right with us. I have a feeling we’ll get back together officially, though.”
“Yeah? What makes you think that?” Riley smirks.
“Well…we kissed on Sunday night when he was still over. It was a really good kiss too, it was familiar, but there was still that, like, passion, you know?”
“I would love it if you got back together. I never really liked the other people he dated, and I was so excited when you both got together. He’s like the brother I never had, and I want him with someone that really cares about him. I never doubted that with you. You guys got together at a weird time in your life where you were sort of at different places. Now…well, now you might mesh better. You grew up a lot during the time you were together, I know that was tough on you both.”
“Yeah, it was.” Blair sighs, and bites into her piece of bread. “I feel like I could handle things better now. He’s been there for me during so many tough times, he’s seen me…at my absolute worst, and still loved me through all of it. I can’t wrap my head around him turning into such a playboy.”
“I couldn’t believe it myself, but I honestly don’t think he really knew how to deal with not having you around, and then…I don’t know.” Riley shakes her head. “He always wrapped it up, that’s what John told me, anyways.”
“He mentioned that to me too.” Blair rolls her eyes. “I’m not going to hold anything against him, we weren’t together. I don’t have the right to judge him about it.”
“He only wanted you, B.” Riley smiles.
“I really have missed him.” Blair smiles. “I’m really looking forward to going out with him Saturday night.” She bites her bottom lip. “Wanna come with me to Victoria’s Secret during the day? I think I should pick out something new…”
“Yeah! I’ve got a coupon to go there, actually. I need some new undies.”
“Oh, yay! We haven’t been shopping in forever.”
“I know! I hope I’m not on the road for an entire month like that again. It got old real quick.”
//
On Friday, Harry was in his office wrapping some things up, going over some paperwork. Then he looked over his calendar for Monday, just to see what meetings he had, and if he needed to do anything over the weekend.
“Mr. Styles?” Kiley, the intern training with Kate comes into his office.
“Miss Stewart, what can I do you for?” He asks, giving her his full attention. She pouts slightly at him.
“You can just call me Kiley…you call Kate by her first name.”
“I’ve known Kate for quite some time, Miss Stewart.”
“Well, we’ll get to know each other pretty well once she’s on maternity…right?”
“Most likely.” He nods. “Did you need something?”
“Yes, sorry.” She pulls a paper out of her bag. “Um, I just need you to sign off on the hours I worked this week since Kate left early. I forgot to ask her before she stepped out for her doctor’s appointment.”
“Oh, sure.” He gestures for the paper. “They’re really on you guys about the hours, huh?”
“Yeah.” She sighs. “I don’t mind, though, because I have to write a paper explaining what I did, so having an account of that will be helpful.” She shrugs. Harry hums his response as he signs the paper and hands it back to her. “Thank you…any fun plans for the weekend?”
“Just laying low tonight. I’ve got a date tomorrow, though.” He smiles.
“Oh! That’s nice.” She smiles. “Did you just meet someone?”
“No.” He shakes his head with a chuckle. “Might be starting over with my ex, which I’m pretty excited about since I’m still hopelessly in love with her.”
“Well in that case, I hope it goes super well.” She beams at him.
“Thank you, Kiley.” Her smile widens at him even more. “Feel free to head out, enjoy your weekend.”
“Thank you, Mr. Styles. I expect a full report of your date on Monday morning.”
Harry chuckles and nods as she leaves. Just when he thought his door was going to close, John enters.
“Wrap it buddy boy, we gotta meet the guys soon.”
“About that…I’m going to skip out on tonight.”
“Seriously? Why?” John frowns.
“I…I have a date tomorrow night with Blair, and-“
“You can’t be serious.” John rolls his eyes and sits down. “Why would you even entertain the idea of getting back together with her?”
“Because she seems ready for a relationship again. I still love her, and I think she still loves me. There’s still a chemistry between us, physically, so we’re going to Benson’s for a burger tomorrow to see if everything else is still there.”
“So that means you can’t come out for guy’s night?”
“You know as well as I do that guy’s night never stays guy’s night. I don’t want to be tempted by anything that could fuck me over. Besides, it wouldn’t kill me to stay in for a change. There’s a book I’ve been meaning to get back to. I wouldn’t mind just taking it easy, you guys have a good time without me.” Harry smiles at his friend. “It’s nothing personal…”
“I know.” John sighs. “You’re just fun, that’s all…” John looks down at his phone and smirks.
“Maybe you’ll meet up with that girl you see on the regular. Seems like she just texted you.”
“Maybe she did.” John nods.
“How come you don’t just date her? I’ve watched you turn down other girls to go meet up with her a dozen times.”
“It’s a little complicated. She travels a lot for work, we’re both just looking for someone familiar to hookup with right now.”
“Guess that makes sense.” Harry shrugs. “You’re pretty busy yourself”
“Exactly, so when’s around I see her more, and when she’s gone, I see other people. She does the same. We’re pretty open about it.”
“Good.” Harry smiles. “Have a beer for me tonight, yeah?”
“Alright.” John sighs and stands up. “Have fun with Blair, I guess.”
“You could sound a little more enthused.”
“I’ll be enthused if she doesn’t string you along.”
“She never strung me along.” Harry shakes his head. “We were a great team.”
“Seems like you were always doing everything for her.”
“No, she did plenty for me.”
“Babe?! I picked up a pizza!” Blair shouted as she entered Harry’s place, putting her key in the bowl by the door. “Baby?!” He wasn’t in the kitchen like she thought he’d be. She set the pizza down on the counter and walked down the hall to his home office. Her jaw dropped when she saw him knuckling at his eyes. “Harry, are you crying?” She asked softly.
“Blair.” He said, almost surprised. “Hi, I lost track of time, I’m sorry. Let’s eat.” He stood up, but she went over to him and urged him to sit.
“What happened, what’s wrong?”
“It’s nothing, baby.”
“It’s not nothing if you’re crying. Talk to me.”
“I’m just really stressed.” His voice cracked. “I was looking forward to taking over for my dad, but there’s so much other shit that’s been added to my plate that he didn’t really prepare me for. Now he’s down in Florida living it up with my mum, and I can’t even talk to him about it because I don’t want him to be disappointed in me. He’s trusting me with everything.”
“That’s a lot.” She wipes=d his tears away. “I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this.” She chewed on her bottom lip. “Is…is there anything I can do to help? Anything I can do to help take your mind off things for a bit? I brought pizza…”
“Um…yeah, I think there is something you could do for me, but it doesn’t involve food.” He stood and took her hand, leading her out to the living room. They both sat down. “Sometimes when we’re having sex…I let you take the lead, have you noticed that?”
“A little.” She shrugged. “I mean, I like that you’re not super dominating, it makes me feel safe.”
“Right, but before you I wasn’t really like that. I was always in control, but with you…I feel really safe too. So safe…that I’m able to just let everything else slip away when we’re doing what we do.”
“What are you saying exactly?”
“I…I sometimes I think I want you to really be in control. I’m not saying all the time, but I have to be in control of so many things, and I think it would be nice to not.”
“Okay, so I could ride you more if you want.”
“Well, that would be nice.” He smirked. “But I’m talking more like…like maybe you could blindfold me once in a while, or you could cuff me to the bed?” His was flushed with embarrassment. Her eyes widened as she finally started to understand what he was trying to say. “I’ve totally freaked you out, haven’t I? I know that stuff isn’t for everyone. I was just thinking we’ve been together a while now-“
“Harry, calm down.” She smiled, squeezing his hand. “I think it’s kind of hot that you wanna explore some different things.”
“You do?”
“Mhm.” She nodded. “I…just don’t ask me to, like, whip you or anything. I don’t think I could hurt you.”
“No, I’m not looking for pain.” He chuckled. “I just…wanna clear my head sometimes, that’s all.”
“Okay, I think I could be into that. You know how much I love all your ties, I’d love to tie you up with them.” She grinned, and he groaned softly.
“What do you say we leave the pizza for later, and we head into the bedroom to explore a little bit?”
“I say we’re in for a fantastic weekend.”
“Whatever you say man.” John says. “See you Monday.” John leaves Harry’s office, and Harry sighs. He never told anyone about what he and Blair did, it was no one’s business. He certainly wasn’t going to let it slip now.
//
At around 10AM Saturday morning, Blair picked up Riley so they could go shopping. Riley had bags under her eyes, and a fresh hickey on her neck. Blair’s mouth fell open the second Riley got in the car.
“Don’t.” Riley mumbles.
“I didn’t say anything.” Blair chuckles.
“But I know what you’re thinking.”
“Did you meet up with John last night?”
“Yeah, I guess Harry didn’t feel like going out last night, so I met up with him at some bar, and then he came back with me to my place.”
“Oh shit, is still there?”
“No, he left at, like, seven.” Riley rolls her eyes. “But not before he fucked me again.” She shakes her head. “We’ve fucked so many times, I don’t know how he’s not sick of me yet, or how I’m not sick of him.”
“Maybe it’s a sign you two should be more.” Blair smirks.
“I mean, we’re basically just in an open relationship, that’s the way I look at it anyways.” She shrugs. “We were up most of the night.” She yawns loudly.
“You could have stayed home.” Blair frowns as she keeps her eyes on the road.
“No, it’s okay, I wanted to go shopping with you.”
The girls make their way to a Victoria’s Secret, and start shopping around. Just as Riley hoped, there was an underwear sale. Blair indulged in it as well. Nothing wrong with getting some new undies to replace some old ones.
“Oh, these are cute!” Blair says, holding up a cheeky pair of panties.
“Yeah! I’ve been way more into the lace cheeky bottoms instead of thongs lately.”
“Me too! It’s way more comfortable. To be honest, I wear boxers a lot around my apartment. They’re more breathable than athletic shorts, and they don’t ride up.”
“Of course men have more comfortable underwear than us.” Riley sighs heavily. “Oh! Look at these white ones! Can never have too many white pairs.”
“Snag me a pair, please.”
Once the girls are done picking out their underwear, and a couple of bras that were two $50 (yes, way overpriced, but necessary), they head to the part of the store where the lingerie was.
“What are you looking for exactly?” Riley asks as she looks over some babydoll nighties.
“I don’t know, nothing crazy, but if things go well tonight, which I think they will, I wanna surprise him with something fun.”
“You’d really jump into bed with him right away?” There was no judgement in Riley’s voice, more so surprise.
“I mean…I know he’s your cousin and all, but he’s pretty hard to resist, Riles. He had me wrapped around his finger from the second we met.”
“Fair enough.” Riley shrugs. “I might try one of these on…surprise John one of these nights.”
The girls giggle as they pick out different things. Blair ends up finding a black lace bralette and matching panties that she thinks will work well under an outfit. The only thing was the bralette didn’t have any support, like, at all, but she was able to adjust the straps on it a bit to give her a slight lift.
“God, I wish I danced as a kid.” Blair huffs as she leaves the dressing room to meet Riley out at the register line.
“Why?”
“Because then maybe I wouldn’t have these fucking honkers on my chest. I’d love to be able to wear a bralette without worrying. My boobs are so saggy, I look like a granny when I don’t have the proper support.”
“You’re being dramatic.” Riley chuckles.
“Easy for you to say, Miss B Cup.”
“Hey, I’d kill to have boobs like yours. I always feel like mine are too small. I have to wear pushups all the time. Besides, your boobs are not saggy, they just sit a little lower on your chest.”
“When I really started dancing I thought they’d get smaller since I was working out all the time, but nope. The worst part is, it’s all right here.” She lifts her arm slightly and rubs just under her armpit. “I’m only a C, but I feel like a double D sometimes when I put a bra on, it takes all the side boob to the front.” Blair puts her things up on the counter, and Riley goes to the next register.
“Find everything okay?” The girl behind the register asks.
“Mhm.” Blair smiles. “I have some coupons too.” She takes her phone out so the girl can scan the barcodes on Blair’s screen.
“Oh, that’s a good one! Took off 25% of your total.” The girl puts everything into a bag for Blair, and she heads out with Riley.
“So, when will John get to see that babydoll?” Blair smirks at Riley.
“When I feel like he deserves it.” Riley grins. “If he invites me over tonight, I might bring it with me.”
“Do you usually see him two nights in a row?”
“Sometimes, but not often. I think he missed me a little since I was gone for so long. Kinda missed him too. He told me he’d call me later today.” She shrugs.
The girls grab a quick lunch before heading home. Blair didn’t want to eat anything too heavy since she was going to be eating out for dinner, so she just had a salad. She spent some time doing some social media work for her business, and then spent some time putting a new dance together. Her customers had been asking for some more throwbacks, so she was crafting some choreography to a couple of Ricky Martin songs. They could be used for the high intensity days. She always recorded herself so she could go back later to review the steps.
When she was done she was drenched in sweat, so she hops into the shower to freshen up. She sort of ends up pampering herself a bit. She shaved her legs, so she massaged some lotion into them, and used some cocoa butter on her thighs because she liked the way it smelled. After that, she grabbed her electric razor to trip her bikini line, having exfoliated first in the shower, so she was plenty smooth where she wanted to be. She spritzes some perfume into the air and walks through it, then she gets to work on her hair. She had been sporting a shoulder length look lately. Her hair used to be really long in college, but in recent years she had been keeping it a tad shorter. It was up in a braid or bun most days, but she decides to wear it down tonight. She puts on some makeup, and then goes through her closet to find something to wear over her new lingerie. She decides on a pair of black jeans that could easily be word with some booties. She pulls on a blush pink tank top and a tan cardigan to complete the look. You could just see the lace top of the bralette, and she sort of liked that look. Her phone goes off just as she’s putting some lipstick on.
“Hello?” She answers brightly.
“Hey, baby, I’m downstairs.”
“Okay, be down in a sec!” She throws some makeup remover wipes into her bag, and a spare toothbrush, then she heads out. Again, she didn’t quite know what would happen tonight, but she wanted to be prepared. Harry was standing outside his car. He smiles when he sees her.
“Hi.” He says, and opens the car door for her.
“Hi, thanks.” She smiles back and gets inside. They head towards Benson’s, being silent in the car at first. “How was your week?” She asks him.
“Good, had a pretty good workout Wednesday.” He grins, looking at her for a moment before looking back at the road. It makes Blair giggle. “Work wasn’t too stressful for a change, although I’m getting anxious about Kate going on maternity leave.”
“Is the intern no good?”
“No, she just doesn’t have a lot of experience. She’ll get the hang of it.” He shrugs. “How was your week, how are you feeling?”
“I’m okay. I spoke with my mom last night, she’s doing alright. My aunt’s been staying with her, so that’s good.”
“Do you think she’ll sell the house?”
“Nah, she likes where she lives, but I think she’s going to paint and change a few things so it doesn’t feel like such a ghost town, you know?”
“Makes sense.” Harry nods. “I know I’ve offered a ton, but if she needs any help with anything, don’t be afraid to ask. I can hold my own with a paintbrush.”
“Thank you, Harry, that’s very sweet.” She gives his shoulder a squeeze. “It was really nice having you in class Wednesday.” She says shyly.
“Yeah? Would you be opposed if I started coming regularly again?”
“Not at all, I’d really like it, actually.” She smiles. “It…it made it easier to wait to see you tonight.” She blushes, and he reaches for one of her hands. He brings it to his lips to kiss her knuckles.
“You’re cute.” He tells her, resting their hands on the console, not letting go at all.
They get to Benson’s, and get seated in a booth. Harry hesitates for a moment, desperately wanting to sit next to her, but he thinks that might be too much too soon, so he sits across from her. She gives him a funny look.
“What?” He asks.
“Nothing…you’re just far away. You usually sit next to me.”
“I didn’t know if you wanted me to.”
“I want you to.” Harry smiles, stands back up, and slides in next to her. She hooks her arms around his and rests her cheek on his shoulder. “Much better.” She sighs. He kisses the top of her head, and a waitress comes over.
“Evening, folks, are you expecting anyone else?” She asks.
“No, love, it’s just us.” Harry says to her, squinting at her nametag. “Becky, is it?”
“Y-yes.” She clears her throat. “Can I get you started with any drinks or appetizers?”
“Definitely two waters.” Blair begins. “And I’ll have a vodka-tonic, please.”
“I’ll have the same.” Harry says. “Do you want an app?” He asks Blair.
“No, I think just the burger will be good.”
“Right, think we’re ready to order dinner.” Harry says to Becky.
“Great! What can I get you?”
“I’ll have the turkey burger with cheddar cheese and sautéed mushrooms.” Blair says.
“And I’ll have veggie burger with avocado.” Harry says.
“Sounds good, I’ll be right back with your drinks.” Becky says, taking their menus before walking away.
“Just a veggie burger?” Blair asks Harry.
“Yeah, I’ve been craving a good one lately, and they make the best here.”
“Very true.” She nods. Becky comes back over with the drinks, and sets them on the table. “So…do anything fun last night?”
“I stayed in.” Harry says, before taking a sip of his drink. “Got caught up on a book I’ve been reading, watched a little TV, nothing special.”
“I’m surprised you didn’t go out with your friends. Isn’t Friday usually your guy’s night?”
“Yeah, I just felt like skipping last night.” He shrugs. “What about you, what did you do?”
“I ran errands all day, and then went to bed early so I could get up for my early classes this morning. Then Riley and I went shopping, and then I did some work at my place. Got ready to go out with you.” She shrugs.
“What does Riley have to say about all this?”
“She’s happy that we’re entertaining the idea of getting back together.” Blair chuckles and sips her drink. “Did you tell anyone we were going out tonight?”
“Mentioned it to my intern…and to John. He wasn’t so enthused.” Harry rolls his eyes.
“He’s never liked me, and I literally have no idea why.”
“Think he was just jealous that I snagged someone as gorgeous and bright as you.” Harry grins. “You know, when we first got together a ton of people gave me shit because you were still in school.”
“I was in my last semester, and I was twenty-one, it wasn’t like I was a child.” Blair scoffs.
“That’s what I said! It wasn’t like I was looking for someone younger than me, it just happened.”
“We just clicked right away, nothing wrong with that.” She inches a little closer to him, her ankle hooking around his under the table.
“Not at all.” His lips graze over hers, but their food is brought over to the table before they can really kiss.
They both giggle and dig into their food, each moaning out at the taste. They continue to talk about things, catching each other on the last year that they weren’t in one another’s lives. It felt easy and natural.
“I don’t wanna be too forward, but would you like to come back to mine when we’re done?” Harry asks.
“I’d like that.” She nods. “Got any sweets at home?”
“Mhm, I’ve got those chewy chocolate chip cookies you like so much.”
“This night just keeps getting better and better.” She smiles. When the check comes, they both reach for it.
“Blair, let go of the check.”
“No, I wanna pay for dinner.”
“I insist, let me pay.”
“Harry, I don’t want you always paying for everything, come on.”
“Fine, can we at least split it?”
“Ugh, fine.” She slaps her card down and so does he.
“So fucking irritating when you do that.” He huffs.
“No, what’s irritating is that you think I can’t pay for stuff.”
“That’s not what this is! I just like paying for our dates, it’s gentlemanly.”
“Yeah, well, it makes me feel like shit.” Becky comes to grabs the cards, and tells them she’ll be right back. “I’m doing well for myself now, I want things to be more equal. I’m not with you for your money.”
“I know you’re not, baby…I just…I can’t help that I wanna spoil you rotten.” He presses his forehead to hers, and she sighs before pecking his lips quickly.
“There are plenty of other ways you can do that, Harry.”
“Am I gonna have the chance?” Becky comes back with their cards, and they both sign their slips before sliding out of the booth. She takes his hand in hers as they walk out.
“Yes.” She says as they both get into the car. “I…I think wanna see where this goes with you, babe. I feel like I’m really ready for you now…”
“That means the world to me, Blair.” Her bottom lip starts to quiver, and he frowns. “Hey, why are you crying?” He reaches to caress her cheek.
“I just can’t believe you basically were waiting for me all this time.” She sniffles. “I feel so shitty. And I feel even shittier because I’m jealous of all the other people you slept with that we weren’t together.”
“Baby.” Harry sighs. “I was so in love with you, still am, none of them meant anything. I’m sorry you feel hurt by it. You don’t need to worry about it now, though, I’m all yours.” Her hand grips the collar of his shirt and she tugs him close to her, only a few centimeters apart.
“Mine.” She says, eyes darkening before her lips crash against his. She nips and sucks at his bottom lip as his hands cup her cheeks, trying to get even closer.
“Fuck.” He breathes, putting his keys in the ignition. “Need to get you home.” He pulls onto the street, and zips them home. His hand grips her thigh the entire time, squeezing it occasionally.
“Thought of you last weekend in the shower.” She says, shifting on her side a little. “Thought of the first time we had sex in the shower.” Her breath is on his ear now, and she nibbles on his lobe.
“Blair.” He warns, but she keeps going, kissing on his neck.
“Made me feel so good, always make me feel good.”
“Blair, I’m going to crash the car, just sit patiently, please.” She sits back normally in her seat. “Thank you.” He sighs. “So, you really thought of me?”
“It was hard not to with you leaving me breakfast.” She pouts at him. “So sweet of you, and I haven’t had a chance to even reward you for being so good to me.”
“You’re still into all that?” He asks cautiously.
“Only for you…do you still like it?”
“Only if it’s you. I told you I didn’t do that with anyone else.”
“You still trust me enough?”
“Course I do, baby.” He reaches for her hand to intertwine their fingers. He drives a little faster to his place, and they finally reach it. “Gonna take care of you first, and then you can do me, alright?”
“Whatever you want, babe.”
They get up to his place, somehow keeping their hands to themselves in the elevator. Before she knows it, Harry’s slamming Blair against the wall of his front hallway, attacking her neck with his lips.
“Gonna mark you up.” He says as he sucks on her skin. “Then everyone will know you’re taken again.”
She whimpers as her response, and pushes his head further into her neck. She wiggles out of her cardigan, and wraps her arms around his neck.
“Jump.” He grunts into her ear, and she does so, wrapping her legs around his waist so he can carry her to his bedroom. He sets her down on the bed, letting her get her shoes off. He does the same before kneeing onto the bed. She takes her tank top off, and his mouth waters at the sight of the bralette. “Christ.” He breathes as he gropes her supple breasts. “Missed these.” He sucks on her nipple through the lace, and her head rolls back. He does the same to the other one, getting it nice and pebbled. One of his hands slides down between her legs and he whimpers. “Need to get these off you, that okay?”
“Mhm, yeah, please.”
He undoes her button and zipper, yanking the jeans off of her. His eyes widen when he sees the matching panties.
“Jesus fucking Christ, Blair. Are these new?”
“Yeah, bought them today, just for you.” She props herself up on her elbows. “Wouldn’t mind you taking them off, though.”
Harry nearly growls as he tugs them down her legs. His hands slide up and down her smooth skin, having missed the feeling of her skin on his. He spreads her legs apart, and starts leaving open mouthed kisses on her inner thighs, sucking some nasty bruises into them. Blair clutches at his blankets and grits her teeth while he has his fun marking her up.
“Can I?” He asks, looking up at her. “Can I taste you?”
“Yes, of course you can.” She reaches forward to push his hair back, and he smiles at her before licking up her slit.
He licks and sucks all around her folds before working his tongue around her clit, sucking on it briefly before bringing his thumb to it. He licks into her center, making her mewl as he essentially just makes out sloppily with the area.
“Yes, fuck.” Her hands rake through his hair. “Feels so good, Harry.” She grinds against his face, and he moans against her. “Harry, fingers, please, use your fingers.” She whines.
He lifts his head from her, and reaches his hand up to her so she can suck on his fingers. She does so happily, and then he slips two fingers inside her. She gasps and lets her body go slack against the bed.
“Baby, shit, you’re so fucking tight, does it hurt?”
“No, feels so god, m’so wet.”
“I know, you’re dripping.” He pulls his fingers out and sucks on them, moaning again before slipping them back inside to the knuckle.
“R-right there.” She whimpers. Her mouth was open, body writhing under his, having not been touched by another man in almost a year, her body was reacting on overdrive. Her back was arching, and she was pushing her head further into the mattress. “Harry, Harry!” She screams as she comes around his fingers, and he fucks her through it, sucking on her clit to prolong it. As she starts to come down he sits up, and starts taking his shirt off. “Fuck, I’m gonna give it to you so good.” She sits up and watches he takes his clothes off. She takes her bralette off, and tosses it on the floor.
“How do you want me?”
“That depends…um…what would you like me to do? Like, how…how hard do you wanna go tonight?”
“I wanna be able to touch you since it’s been so long, and I wanna be able to look at you.”
“Alright, so we can just keep it sweet and easy, save the rest for another time.”
“Yeah…work back up to it.”
“Get on your back, m’gonna ride you.”
Harry gets himself situated, sitting up against the headboard. Blair raises an eyebrow at him.
“Just wanna be as close as possible tonight, baby.”
“Okay.” She smiles, and gets herself on his lap.
“Are you still on the pill?”
“Mhm, are you okay to not use a condom?”
“Definitely don’t want to. Need feel you.”
“Need to feel you too.”
She grips his hard cock, giving it a few pumps before she guides it inside herself. Her mouth falls open as she feels him stretch her out. Harry looks down and watches as she swallows him whole. They both moan out once he’s full inside her. Her fingernails dig into his shoulders as she gets adjusted to him. His hands squeeze at her hips and ass.
“Shit, Harry.” She presses her forehead to his. “Missed you so much.”
“Missed you too.” He cups her cheeks and kisses her as she starts to slowly rock on and off him. His tongue slips into her mouth, and she grips at his back as she kisses him back. “You feel so fucking good.” He says before biting her bottom lip, sucking on it.
She whimpers and moves herself a little faster on him. She grinds herself against him, feeling the friction on her clit start to form. His arms wrap around her back, his fingers digging into her skin.
“Move with me.” She says into his ear before nibbling on it.
He groans as he starts to thrust up into her. She starts to bounce up and down him, moving his hands to her hips. He watches as her breasts bounce in front of his face, and he leans in to kiss and suck on them. Her head rolls back with pleasure. She wanted to feel his tongue all over her. She brings two fingers to his mouth, and he takes them in quickly. He looks up at her as he sucks on them, swirling his tongue around them, and nipping at the pads of them. She takes them away to rub at her clit.
He growls, and moves to pin her on her back, surprising her completely. He was never like this in bed with her. She looks up at him with wide eyes as he throws one of her legs over his shoulder, and replaces her fingers with his own. She groans at his touch. He was driving himself in so much deeper and she could barely handle it.
“Okay?” He asks her, panting slightly.
“Mhm, it’s good, so good.” One of her hands goes to the back of his neck, pulling him down for a sloppy kiss. They breathe each other in and out once they both start panting. “Harry, fuck, I’m so close.” She squeezes around him and he bites down on her shoulder.
“Blair.” He moans into her ear. “Can I come inside you?”
“Yes! Fuck, yes, please!” She screams as she’s coming again, feeling even more turned on when she feels Harry’s hot come start to fill her up. She grinds her hips towards his trying to make her orgasm last as long as possible. “Love it when you fill me up, feels so good.” She says as she continues to squeeze around him.
He slots his mouth over hers as they both start to come down. Their tongues mold together as they kiss lazily. He’s slow to pull out, but he was too sensitive to stay inside her any longer. She squeezes her legs closed to try to not make a mess. Harry scoops Blair up quickly bridal style to carry her to the bathroom, setting her down gently on the toilet, and leaving her to do her business. When she walks out of the bathroom, he’s laying on his bed in a fresh pair of boxers with a dreamy smile on his face. She climbs onto the bed and lays in between his legs, resting her head on his tummy. She buries her face into his soft skin while he starts to card through her mussed up hair.
“So…we’re really back together?” He asks after a few moment of peaceful silence. She looks up at him with a smile on her face.
“Yeah, I really wanna be your girlfriend again.”
“You have no idea how happy I feel right now.” He continues to play with her hair as she sets her head back down.
“You’ve never really taken control like that before…I kinda liked it.” She peers up at him again, grinning. “Maybe I should see what being the sub feels like sometime.”
“Oh, baby, I don’t know if I could switch like that. Don’t think I’d get much pleasure in making you wait for things. Think I’d give in the second you asked for something.” He chuckles.
“You’re so cute, Harry, but I understand what you’re saying. I don’t mind being the one to do that stuff when you really need it, babe.” She moves further up his body so she can be closer to his face. “Do you think in a bit when you’re ready to go again we could…bring out some of your ties?”
“Feel like I’m already bloating back up, fuck.” He groans, and kisses her.
“You know what I’ve really missed doing with you?” She says, moving her lips to the shell of his ear.
“What, baby?”
“Fucking that tight hole of yours.” She says lowly, and he whimpers.
“Yes.” He breathes, and she looks at him. “Still have everything, it just hasn’t been used in a while.”
“Would you really wanna get into all of that tonight? I mean, I’m game if you are…you seemed hesitant before.”
“I just wanted to feel really close with you before, but now that we’ve got that out of our system I’m definitely up for it.” He pecks her lips. “We’ve got the rest of the weekend to do all we want.”
“Mmm, and the weekend after that, and the weekend after that, and maybe sometimes during the middle of the week. Oh! Remember when I used to come to your office at work, and I’d let you bend me over your desk, god, that was always so hot.”
“Or that time we screwed in that bathroom at your studio?” His smile was incredibly mischievous.
“Or the times you sit me up on the counter in your kitchen and fuck me?”
“Or the time you bent me over my own desk her here?”
“I think it’s time we make some new memories.” She says, getting off of him, and extending her hand out to him for him to follow.
“Couldn’t agree with you more.”
Blair leads them inside Harry’s walk in closet where he kept his box of toys. It was still in the same spot as always. She pops the lid off and they both smile at each other.
“How long do you think I could edge you for?” She asks him.
“Um, I should be okay to go for a while since I already came.”
“Excellent.” She picks up a cock ring, the kind that vibrates. “We’ve got a lot of time to make up for.”
#harry styles#When the Time is Right#harry styles imagine#harry styles one shot#harry styles fic#harry styles fanfic#harry styles au#harry styles x oc#harry styles smut#harry styles fluff#harry styles angst#sub!harry#attorney!harry
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Katie fans are different breeds. They are moaning in twitter that Melwood fans are threatened by Mel and Katie's friendship? 😂😂
Nobody is threatened by their friendship. We are literally addressing about the issue of some creepy 50 yr old posting sexual jokes about Mel/Katie, SC stans constantly sexualizing Mel/Katie's interaction, using Huxley to prop up their delusional fantasy ship and now they are twisting everything and accusing melwood fans? I mean you have tons of SS of them shipping mel/katie for real but look at them claiming that melwood fans are threatened by their friendship. The fuck we even care about their friendship you stupid ass Fandom. You are the ones who are constantly threatened by Chris presence. He left SG 3 yrs ago and still you can't stop licking his feet, you are constantly threatened by their marriage. Everytime Mel posts something about Chris, you are all "Yes, they are gonna D word". I swear I have never seen a delusional and toxic Fandom like Katie's.
You know, because of the Women Fetishizer and Notorious Mr I'm Suspended on Twitter who claims everyone are invasive just not smelties and Toxicraps, I made a short summary of what Toxicraps (Mr Creep included) said for past few years. Not all, just some examples :) Under the cut because shit is disgusting and of course I have receipts for them :)
-wanting the kid to die, so “M can be free of C”
-talking about smeltie selfie with M’s son, that the baby is McG’s, saying the baby is going to have “black hair and heterochromia”, hoping the baby is going to be a SC shipper because krams would be crashed;
- M and C cheated on their previous partners during s2, M was going to cheat on C with staz, that she cheated with Kitsch and Hoechlin, hoping she “cheats again”, that C cheated on her while she was pregnant with a fan, that he sent his dick pics to a fan, that he sleeps with every co-star in every project so it will repeat, “mw divorce as soon as C gets a job on another show and starts fucking his new costar I guess”, “who else wants CW to pump his hot manly seed down your throat?! Ex-homosexuals lemme hear y’all make some noise!”, “hun if you wanna find CW I can 100% guarantee u he’s in some married woman’s pussy right now :) (before mw married)”, “I wonder if mon-el is gonna cheat on Kara on the show since they like to mimic reality”
-calling C: unemployed, dog walker, stay at home dad, trophy bf, that he gets jobs offer only from his friends or thanks to M, a man who just watches football while his wife does everything, that he hates women;
-M looks unhappy because she married C, she was not excited about her marriage and “lost her spark” after she married him;
-speculating M said the vows from her previous marriage with Jenner (didn’t age to well, huh), that her current marriage is no different than her previous abusive one and will end with divorce too, she should have not divorced jenner (didn’t age to well too, huh?);
-because of C she became homophobic and is against SC now, that he ordered her to force writers to not writing SC;
-C inserts himself everywhere to steal her spot, that he forced himself on the Dior show and she lost “opportunities”, that he uses M’s fame to prop himself;
-M is codependent and she completely “latched onto him”, he is abusive and the relationship is toxic, he trapped her to marry him right after her relationship with BJ (because his fragile ego was insecure), M constantly needs someone (because she is broken) and C was the only option, she dodges every question about him in the interviews, the relationship damaged her career, she asks for permission about everything, C forced her into his short movie, he is an idiot and she loves him because “love is blind”, that she doesn’t understand what love is and doesn’t know what she really wants, that she doesn’t know what unconditional love is;
-changing Mel’s Wikipedia to make her married to McG, making fake tweets about how M hopes C dies;
-M has no taste in men, and how the baby is going to be ugly, MW look like siblings, M being pregnant was “yikes”, that he impregnated her to trap her;
-going after IDM, C steals money from IDM, uses M’s money because he is broken, that they hope she has a separate bank account in case of divorce, creating fake tweets about him needing money for divorce and M being happy she is “free, worst experienced in my life!”;
-making fun of M’s domestic violence story (manips of her with a band on her eye), writing a SC fic based on her past, fics about smeltie being a thing and C being an abusive asshole;
-that MW were PR during s2 (and were “paid for it”), then they were not going to last, during s3 they were going to break up, when they married they were going to divorce (since that they produce the gossips about the divorce every month);
-cropping him from his wedding pics, saying she “almost broke her back because she was leaning so far from him”, she married McG not him, changing M’s pic captions to throw up emojis, bodyshaming him, calling the wedding reception a “cheap bbq party”, M was unhappy on her wedding and she doesn’t remember the best moment of the wedding, because it sucked;
-“meltie is fucking right now, I can feel that in my bones”, “M makes C keep his facial hair bc it reminds her of K’s fuzzy face”, “Is MB gay? Girl we all know she and K scissors every day after filming”;
-constant speculating about M’s sexuality, being “sad” her marriage ended the speculations about M being lesbian, constant gross sex manips and fanarts of smeltie (not SC, sMELTIE), M met on the set the love of her life aka McG;
-hated on C when he supported his wife (“making everything about himself and stealing her spot”), and then saying he doesn’t support her on social media - after they bullied him away from it;
-compared him to white supremacists and called him Trump supporter, saying M;
-that C defending Mon-El was him defending Kreisberg what basically made him a rapist apologist, because Mon was “Kriesberg’s insert in the show”
As I said, it's not all, just the most disgusting examples and I assure you I have more, but I'm to disgusted to scroll down my folders more :)
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A Shield-Maiden’s Wrath - Bjorn x Reader - Part Two
Summary - After finding out Bjorn has cheated on you, the night that all the Ragnarsson’s were nervous about finally arrives. Time for your sweet revenge....
Warnings: SWEARING! ANGRY AND PREGNANT WIFE!! VIOLENCE! REVENGEEEE is a bitch. Or is that Karma? Either way, it’s a bitch.
I did enjoy writing this, it was fun. Part One and Part Three if you want to read it. This is basically just something fluffy in a weird way. Hopefully, satisfying and justifying to the ex wives of Bjorn Ironside and just some brotherly love.
BONUS REACTIONS AT THE END!!
@soleil-dor @abonelessgod @sadbutatleastsassy @youbloodymadgenius @ivarthebloodyking
Hvitserk is nervous. They were all nervous.
He scanned the herd of people, tearing away at the piece of chicken in hopes to ease the rush of anxiety. If Bjorn knew he flapped his gums, breaking the promise he made, Hvitserk was sure his oldest brother would not be afraid to ‘settle’ things. Then of course, he could already imagine that you would stick up, biting into Bjorn to argue it wasn’t Hvitserk’s fault. Which would cause more strife, barking back from one another and ultimately, he would be to blame.
Ubbe is more cautious.
He kept his light blue orbs from flickering between the oak wooden doors then to Bjorn, sitting innocently. Unaware of his targeted predicament. All four of them swore not to warn Bjorn of your knowledge because a, they would all remain out of their soon to be hurricane of a temper and b, none wanted to face yours or Bjorn’s wrath. Instead, Ubbe stood closely next to his older brother, not even thinking about drinking or eating. Too agitated and paranoid.
“What is wrong brother?” Bjorn broke his chain of thoughts and caught him off guard. Quickly recovering from his momentary surprise, Ubbe forced a crooked smile to his lips. More so reassuring himself that everything is going to be fine. “You seem tense, relax. Drink. Eat.”
“I’m not hungry.” Too quickly he answered, too fast. Bjorn stared at him skeptical as to why he seemed so stiff. Watching out for something. Then it dawned upon him.
“Oh I see.” This caused red flags to go off in his mind, the gears going crazy. Zooming and whirling. “You are looking for someone, aren’t you?” Ubbe clenched his jaw and squeezed the cup in hand. Clenched it so hard, he could feel it dent under the pressure. “That blonde girl, Margrethe. It is alright, I won’t tell your Mother.” He instantly relaxed in his seat and let out a skittish chuckle, quickly turning to the cup of mead for calm.
“You could say that.”
Sigurd decided to remain ignorant.
Instead indulged himself in his people, strumming away at the strings of his ute and filled the air of a joyous melody. He laughed and sang, finding pleasure in the company of friends and strangers. All seemingly serene, almost perfect. Yet, he could not ignore the arc of his stomach. Almost sickly as if he ate something bad or drank too much. Nauseous and sick. He knew deep down, even with hopes of peaceful tranquility for the rest of the night, it will soon be thrown to the air. Destroyed and burned. So, Sigurd kept dancing, grasping the last few moments of this bliss.
Ivar is on edge.
He is not afraid, looking forward to the oncoming festivities that night. He could recall your last controversy. Bjorn verbally abused you over your pregnant state and how you shouldn’t be fighting or using a weapon however, your free-spirited morals did not take it so well. One thing led to another, things were thrown around by your hand. His brother’s voice boomed so loud, he was sure other town’s could hear. Which led to Bjorn’s departure and eventually, Ivar found him screwing one of the servants. Beautiful but rather, daft. Anyone stupid enough to even consider having sex with his older brother; a married man and soon-to-be Father, has a death wish.
“Brother, are you sure-”
“Ubbe, stop.” Bjorn cut him off, pressing the woman close to his side. He knew it was very dangerous to be playing around with the chance of his wife walking into those very doors. Of course he knew it would cause his possible death but something about the thought was exciting. “It is far too late, Y/N will not come. Hmm?” The great warrior leaned over his knees and nudged his little brother.
“Sure.” Ubbe pressed his lips together and stood up. He knew he should’ve said something, hinted at least a little, warned Bjorn or even motioned that you knew. But there was the side that secretly wanted this, curse it be.
My brother, I hope you are prepared, the Gods will not be on your side tonight nor will I. By the Gods, you brought this upon yourself.
~~~
Two shields of wood smashed wide, slamming against the walls and shook the hall like thunder had struck. Young men and women alike froze in their happy state and awed with wide, scared spectacles. Like a nightmare come to life, they stared.
You stood, a raging and fuming beast. In all the glory of your shield and sword and arrows and bow. So dangerously true. Coated in leather wrapped around breasts and a bulging stomach; never a pregnant woman seen so chilling. To cause dread. Your eyes glowed vibrantly, black ink surrounded the skin and smeared the corners of your eyes. Paint ready for war. Hair is so beautiful, thick and heavy. Twisted in mending lace. A true shield-maiden ready to demolish their enemy.
The hall in complete silence.
You pulled an arrow back and pointed the tip of it towards your target, your prey, your next victim. Another face to tear into.
“You.” Like a deep rumble of thunder, the sound of your voice bounced from the walls, calm and steady. But there were those that could hear the hot rage, pure and unfortunately real. “And you.” With a darting eye, you glared and aimed the weapon towards the slave girl who was pushed aside and shaking in fear.
One, two, three steps.
Bjorn did not budge, holding your gaze with as much passion. His pride and ego and name too much to set aside for the benefit of his wife. Instead he sat and analysed every move of your body, predator eyeing predator. Everyone else disappeared. He could do the obvious and apologize for his doings, beg for forgiveness, admit his wrong and fight for your favor. But, where would be the fun in that?
“My love I have been waiting for you.” Bjorn smirked and poured a cup of mead to hand it over. “Drink.” The cup was knocked out of his grasp as you shot the first winged spear.
‘How dare he.’ You thought. Just the sight of your beloved husband made every cell in your body boil. And then to see the whore he so desperately fucked because of his lack of fulfillment, for his own pleasure. The next arrow landed right next to his head, almost slicing his pale flesh.
“I see you found out.” Bjorn gripped the arrow planted, threw it to the ground and huffed. “So who told you? Ubbe? Sigurd? Hvitserk? Ivar?” He motioned towards his brother’s; who were now out of the way just like the rest of the people. They all backed up, leaning against the walls to be out of both of your range. Ivar sat in the perfect position, out of the way yet close enough to adore the sight.
“Do not bring them into this.” You hissed and watched as he took slow steps down the few rows of stairs. “This is your fault. You. Bjorn Ironside. My loyal husband.” Words like venom, another arrow whirled through the air and stopped him in his tracks.
“Please, we can talk about this.” Another arrow.
“Calm down.” Another.
“You have to understand that-” Arrow.
Bjorn lost all patience now, growling out of annoyance and bored into your being. Pregnant. Strong. And very, furious. Without warning you drew your sword out and dove it straight for his head, in hopes to decapitate that handsomely deviled face. “You cheated on me!” Another swing. “You filthy pig.” Stab. “You animal.” Following him up the steps, you kicked the table to knock him over.
“I love you.” Bjorn muttered and ducked, dodging the oncoming fly of cutlery and food. Desperately searching for a shield.
“You love me? You love me so much that you shove your cock into the cunt of a fucking whore!” Finally reaching his axe, he met your sword that buzzed with your fire. He could feel the emotion burn into his body but still, he did not fear it. Instead intrigued, guiltily enjoying your passionate emotion. “You shame me and you humiliate me and you betray me.” You kicked him over, knocking him on his ass and managed to scratch the surface of his chest.
“I wanted sex and every time I tried, you were in pain.” This added more fuel to the fire, sparking up that heat that burned at your core. You were sure your child also fueled that pit of flames, angry at their Father.
“Because I am pregnant.” He rolled over to his side and jumped to his feet, re-directing each one of your desperate attacks. “With your child. Tell me, did you fuck that slut before you fucked me?” There were so many questions that filled your head. So many emotions that stung your heart. “You aren’t a great warrior, not a man. You’re just a fat piece of meat thinking with the blunt tool dangling between his legs.” You grabbed a fistful of Bjorn’s hair, wrapping his braids around your hand like shackles trapped to you. Then dragged him and shoved his head against the pillar. “How many times did you screw that bitch?”
“Nine, maybe ten times, give or take.” He gave you a cheeky smirk, playing with your emotion. You heaved him back and smashed his head onto the floor. “It wasn’t my fault.”
“Not your fault! Think so much with your dick that you just fell in her loose lips.” With a fury you growled and punched him in the jaw, followed by a barrage of slaps and claws. “Couldn’t even wait for three months and deceive your own lover! Couldn’t control yourself longer than two minutes! And then you lie to me! All those late nights, you left me alone, cold, miserable while you get your fill!” You grabbed the ruffs of his head and slammed it against the ground. “Then you force your brothers to lie to me. Hide like a rat, a slimy sloppy snake. Drag them into this because you wanted sex!” All you could see is red, nothing else. You. Him. And red. “And humiliate me, making me look like a fool! I defended you, stood up for you, made excuses for your bullshit. And this is how you repay me?!” Bjorn caught your hands and gripped them so hard you thought they would bruise.
“Now you know how I felt when you let that merchant’s son bury his tiny little cock in what is mine.” With one swift move, he flipped you over and drove his hips into you. It only pushed you that much further and you spat in his face.
“I do not belong to you, I only belong to myself!” You wrapped your legs around his waist and drove him into you then snapped your elbow up, striking his face. “We weren’t married then either! I hardly knew you!”
“Even still, you knew I wanted you. You fucking knew it!” With your form now on top, you tried to dig your nails into his eyes and gouge those pretty blue orbs out. The ones you love so much. So piercing and so hard to read. But now, clear as day. “And I know you saw me!” For a split second you were surprised, wavering you from your confident outburst. Bingo! Just like that Bjorn trapped you under his form, holding both your wrists in place.
“That was five fucking years ago you piece of shit.” You growled, struggling against his hold. “Bringing things up like a bitch. I always knew you were a bitch, a weak, weak man.” You cooed, slithering your knee between his and dug it up. Bjorn groaned and rolled off of your body before collapsing. It would have been sweet that he still took note of your pregnant belly but, considering the situation you didn’t give a fuck. “Besides, he fucked me in ways you couldn’t. He pleasured me better than a weak man like you ever could.” You couldn’t help but smirk, a smugness filled your bones.
Bjorn jumped to his feet, dragging the axe along with him and met your stance. Ready to unleash your storm of resentment. The clear primal glare behind his piercing orbs sent shivers down your body, now clearly ready to settle things.
“You want me back Ironside, you better fight for it.” \
You tossed your weapon from left to right hand.
“Earn me.”
~~~
“What do you think is going on in there?” Hvitserk broke the tension, drawing his knees to his chest and pushed himself into a more comfortable position.
“Maybe they’re finished.” Sigurd shrugged, pulling at the stings of his ute while his brows furrowed. They all looked at each other, hopeful until they heard a loud cluttering sound followed by a loud groan of their older brother, cue a sigh. “Never mind.”
“Maybe we should-”
“Don’t.” Ubbe cut Hvitserk off, knowing fully well where he was going. He did not want to lose a limb or an eye by stepping back into the hall, now a battlefield. Another crash sounded from behind them and he shivered, feeling pity for his older brother. Bjorn in an unfortunate predicament of not being able to fight back like he usually did because of their child, which made Y/N even more dangerous. A force to be reckoned with. “By all means go back in there and you try to break them apart but, I will not come to your aid.”
“Why did you have to drag me out of there? I was enjoying myself.” Ivar frowned a little, remembering how Ubbe and Hvitserk practically hauled him out.
“I’m sure you were.” Ubbe spoke and folded his arms over his chest. “But I am not losing another brother tonight.”
“Don’t be absurd, Y/N wouldn’t have hurt me.” Ivar argued back.
“You would have hurt yourself. Wouldn’t be able to crawl away fast enough.” The crippled glared at Sigurd, who was now smirking. But, he did not get angry this time and just rolled his eyes, over his shit. “I think I won the bet.”
“No way, I said she would attack during the feast first. All of you owe me.” Hvitserk intervened, not really caring about the sack of silver or gold. But instead the glory of beating his brother’s at least once. For the one that started the bets most of the time, he didn’t seem to win a lot.
“Everyone knew that, even the town’s people.” Sigurd intercepted and made Hvitserk huff. They all snapped towards the wooden door as they shook slightly, followed by the sound of your shouts and the sound of Bjorn’s voice, filled with as much passion.
“I predicted all of it.” Ivar seethed, halting their bickering. “I said all of that, so I win.”
“No, you also bet that they were going to end up fucking. That does not sound like pleasure.” Sigurd quickly corrected, pointing to the hall. “I should get all of your money.”
“No.” Hvitserk denied.
“Yes, I claimed she was going to arrive in battle armor. Not anyone could have predicted that.”
“Yes but, I bet what all three of you said. It’s me.” Ivar hissed.
“I’m older than both of you, the money is mine.” Hvitserk attempted to pull all of the bags of coins but Sigurd and Ivar were on him, pulling and thrashing. Ubbe rolled his eyes and clearly was over their bullshit, always the one fixing things. But this time, he did so differently.
“Be quiet. Shut up. Stop!” The four boys all froze and listened intently to a soft sound whispering amongst the wind. Coming from inside the hall, less violent or brash. Then their faces fell, knowing what the hell was happening and sunk on their asses.
“See, I win.” Ivar hummed in victory, snatching each one of their filled pouches of gold and silver. For once, thankful to both yours and Bjorn’s endless cycle. Tiresome and annoying but at least, consistent and committed.
“Where do you think that thrall went?” Sigurd raised his eyes in curiosity, the only one seemingly interested. Hvitserk shrugged and Ubbe just stared at the sky.
“Do you have to ask stupid questions?”
“She probably ran away.” Ubbe concluded lazily. “I don’t blame her, I would too.”
~ PROMISED BONUS ~
“I should tell him but, he doesn’t deserve it.”
“If Bjorn finds out I told her, I’m so dead. I’m too young to die. I’m still a virgin. I don’t wanna die a virgin. Why? WHY? Maybe she won’t come, maybe she’ll just forget about. MAYBE SHE - oh nvm.”
“I’m just gonna pretend I know nothing. Ignore my problems. Yeh, this is better. ”
“Oh yeah, he’s screwed.”
“oh.......fuck. I’m too sober for this shit”
#vikings x reader#bjorn x reader#x reader#bjorn ironside#ragnarssons#ubbe#ivar#hvitserk#sigurd#reader#bjorn x y/n
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Try To Fix You-Chapter 1
Feel free to comment on what you think works, what you liked, or what you think I could improve on. I’m looking for someone to beta read, but right now it’s just me so enjoy.
Masterlist
Read Chapter 1
Read Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5
Feel free to comment, like, or share this if you want to be added to a tag list, or you can add yourself HERE. Enjoy!!
Eventual Peter x Reader, Friends to Lovers, Eventual Smut, ANGST
**************************************************************************
When you fall in love, you could never fathom that the person you give every part of yourself to could hurt or betray you. If you would think they had the capacity to do that to you, you wouldn't be with them. Loving is giving someone the ability to break you into a million infinitesimal pieces and hoping, praying, and trusting them not to. Unfortunately, there are people that will use love as a weapon, a game. Something to pass the time because they’re broken? Narcissistic? Evil? "There's got to be some explanation," you think to yourself as you're contemplating how to get the hell out of the precarious situation. "How could I not see the signs sooner? How could I be fooled so completely? Did I see the red flags and just not notice them?"
It started with small things when you look back on it. The fighting, the angry outbursts, the jealousy bordering on possessive, the "overprotective" nature he had really being all about control. You didn't even realize he slowly removed you from everything that was once important to you. You now screened your family's calls and completely disappeared from all of your friends. He was your world and he had made it that way on purpose. Then he began hitting you when you would make him angry. But he always apologized and promised it would never happen again. And it was great for a while until something set him off again. It was always your fault as to why he was angry and why he would hit you. "If you would just listen," "If you wouldn't go out with your friends as much," "I just love you so much that I go crazy."
Today was the last straw. You had told him before, "cheat on me or hit me and we are done." Now you find out he had been with other women, basically girls that were barely legal, almost your entire relationship. And one of them was pregnant. When you confronted him about it, he made you feel like you were crazy. When you had evidence to back it up, he got angry. Angrier than you had ever seen in your entire time knowing him. Suddenly his 6'2" frame seemed to tower over you, his muscles tensing and the vein in his neck pulsing and growing more pronounced with each beat. He had warned you to stop before something bad happened, but how could anything be worse than the bomb he had thrown into your relationship.
Then another line had been crossed, he laid his hands on you. Again. He threw you against a wall screaming at you because "How dare you accuse me of cheating?! And how do i know you're not fucking somebody else and this is just your guilt driving you crazy?!" He screamed, his hands tightening around your arms as he pulled you away from the wall only to slam you back against the wall again. Your head bounced off the wall and you could feel a headache forming from where it connected. When you fought back, his grip tightened like a vice. You begged him to stop because he was hurting you but that only seemed to egg him on. Raised his hand to punch you and brought it down to your face like a hammer, your eye instantly stinging from the contact. He kept throwing blows, connecting with any bit of flesh he possibly could. Finally, after what felt like forever, his phone rang. "Thank god for small blessings," you thought.
It was one of his friends calling to see if he wanted to go out to the bar. He released his grip on you and you fell to the floor, your legs giving out from underneath you. He left, telling you that your attitude better be gone before he got back or you'd be sorry. You just cried, which made the pain in your face get more intense until you swore you had run out of tears for a lifetime.
Once the shock faded, you noticed the time on the stove read 1:38, he would be coming home soon. You began packing as many of your things into any bag you could find. Your hands were shaking as the entire fight replayed over and over in your head. With each replay your resolve to leave and anger grew brighter and more intense. After packing your laptop, some clothes, and your most prized possessions, you walked out your front door and down the stairs until you were out on the street. You pulled out your cell phone and with a jagged breath called the only person you could think of that would be up this late.
After several rings, you were afraid you’d just get to your best friend’s voicemail. Everything seemed to be going in slow motion, with each second passing, you began to regret your decision. Regretting leaving, because who would love you now. Regretting calling him because it would make life harder for both of you once your soon to be ex realized where you were. “Why should I even expect him to answer after all the hurt I’ve caused him.” But luckily you heard the click of an answer followed by a sleep drenched voice that made your heart drop into your stomach and tears prick in your eyes.
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Peter had finally settled into a light sleep after tossing and turning when he heard his phone begin to go off, playing a ringtone he hadn’t heard in 2 years. He thought he was just dreaming of you like he had many nights before. When his Spider-Sense began to scream at him that something was wrong, he realized that he wasn’t dreaming and saw that it was 2:15 AM. He lunged to his nightstand, attempting to grab the phone before it went to voicemail.
He thanked whoever was up there that he had been conscious enough to respond as quick as he did. He quickly swiped to answer his phone, his heart hammering in his chest. He was terrified that it wouldn’t be you on the line and you just still had him in your phone as your emergency contact. When he heard cars passing and then the sound of sirens blaring in his ears he was afraid his worst fear was about to become a reality. That your asshole of a boyfriend that he warned you he about had gone too far and you were hurt or dead. So he decided to speak first “Y/n, wha-” He ran his fingers through his curls trying to collect his thoughts before he was quickly cut off by your very raw voice. You sounded like you were on the verge of tears, “Pete, I need your help...”
He breathed an initial sigh of relief but the way you sounded made him even more anxious. “Wh- what’s wrong y/n? Is everything okay.” He prayed he was reading too much into this and maybe you just had a bad night but his Spider-Sense was on high alert, so he knew the odds of that were slim to none.
“Can you meet me at the police station near Aunt May’s? I could really use some support,” you responded vaguely, not wanting him to get too upset and do something he might regret later. You knew Peter was fiercely protective of his friends but especially you. The two of you had been friends since you were both practically in diapers. You had been there when he lost his parents and Ben and he was there when your world crumbled after your mom died of cancer. Your dad had never been in the picture so when she got sick you spent weeks on end with him and May, your apartment feeling too big and empty without your mom’s presence. When she died, it didn’t feel right to leave the neighborhood so you just got a small apartment near your old building after you moved out of May’s. She never rushed you to move but after the big fight with Peter, it didn’t feel right to stay living there with his aunt. She was always trying to play peacemaker and have both of you see sense but you were too stubborn. Now more than ever you wished you would’ve just listened to the wise woman.
“Why are you going to the police department, y/n? What. Happened,” he spoke through gritted teeth this time and you flinched away from the phone on instinct. You hated when Peter got angry because he went from playful puppy to fearsome wolf in 0.02 seconds.
“I… I can’t tell you, Pete….” a sob bubbled out of you, “ I just really need my Petey right now, please. I’ll tell you everything when I tell the police, okay. Just hurry.” You knew it was wrong to play the Petey card but desperate times called for desperate measures.
His heart broke at hearing your childhood nickname for him and he knew you were hurt. Deep in his soul, he knew. He began to blame himself for whatever had happened to you, he should’ve kept a closer eye on you. He should’ve stopped by your place this evening when this gnawing feeling first started but he had thought that was just the usual ache of missing you hitting him especially hard today. “Give me 15 minutes and I’ll be there okay, n/n? I’ll meet you in the lobby.” With that you both said goodbye.
He rushed to get a hoodie on, not caring that he was wearing just that and pajama pants. He grabbed an extra cartridge for his web shooter gauntlets and with that he was locking up his apartment and heading up to meet you at the police department. As soon as he got to an alley he took off swinging, his mind racing faster than he thought was possible on what could be wrong. He hadn’t heard from you in 2 years and yet tonight you call him out of the blue and have him meet you at the police station?
When he got close to the police station he decided to stop and walk the rest of the way. Peter got to the police station with a minute to spare and he stopped dead in his tracks when he saw you and he now knew why you refused to tell him. He gritted his teeth and repeatedly clenched and unclenched his hands at the sight of you. Wanting to find who did this to you and make them pay. You hadn’t seen him yet, which he was grateful for as it gave him a minute to compose himself before he ran up to you and pulled you into a quick hug. As soon as he had you in his arms, he felt you relax against him and could smell the salt in your tears as you began to cry for what was probably the millionth time that night. Once your crying died down a bit he pulled himself away from you to really inventory the damage that had been wrought.
Both of your eyes were swelling shut, from crying or impact wasn’t clear to Peter yet. Your nose was clearly broken and you had bruising on your cheek. Dried blood was on the front of your gray tank top and he could make out distinct hand prints on either arm. Much of the skin of your torso was bruised or bloody and he wanted to kill whoever had done this to one of the most important people in his entire life. The last time he had felt rage even comparable to this was when Uncle Ben had died.
He could tell you were uncomfortable under his gaze as you tried to hide behind your hair that was much shorter than the last time he had seen you. Peter made a note to ask about that later once all of this was done, as your hair had always been a thing of pride for you. You flinched when he brushed your hair and tucked it behind your ear and the heartbreak he had felt before was nothing compared to the shattering he now felt. Whoever had done this to you was going to have hell to pay but for now his top priority was you. For now he just wanted to make you feel better and make sure you would get through this. “Are you ready?” Peter wasn’t sure if he was asking you or himself.
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“As ready as I guess I’ll ever be,” you grabbed his hand as you walked up to the front desk.
“How can I help you,” a short and stocky man in a police uniform asked as he assessed you. His bald head was gleaming in the fluorescent lighting and his face reminding you very much of a pug with how smushed in it was.
“I’d like to report a crime and file for a restraining order,” you said as a weight seemed to lift off of your shoulders, “my boyfriend did this to me.” You felt Peter go rigid against you and tighten his grip on your hand but he was still there so you didn’t worry too much for now. With that the officer led you to the Domestic Violence unit.
After several hours of testimony, filling out paperwork, and getting pictures taken for evidence you were finally free to leave. Exhaustion was beginning to settle into your bones when a realization hit you.”I don’t have anywhere to go.” Both of your names were on the lease and you refused to step back in that apartment without Peter and a police escort, although you couldn’t quite place if the escort would be for you or Peter; as you could tell the only thing keeping him at the station and not out on the street hunting your ex was you. He’d been getting increasingly agitated and confused as the interview went on and you knew it was a matter of time before he exploded all over you with questions on why you hadn’t gotten him sooner, why you didn’t at least talk to May, or why you didn’t leave sooner.
“Is there a women’s shelter I can go to until I find a new apartment,” you asked the woman that had been interviewing you. Peter looked over to you as if you had grown three heads before saying “ Don’t be ridiculous, you’re coming home with me. I’m not letting you out of my sight until this bastard is behind bars, y/n”
The last thing you wanted was to burden him even more by being an unwanted roommate but you had to admit that his idea sounded much better than being crammed into a small building with a bunch of strange women that you only shared one terrible thing in common with. So you decided why not? It wouldn’t be more than a couple nights and he had come all this way to be there for you and was now offering you a free place to crash. Plus, you really didn’t want to be alone after what happened and you could use a familiar face.
This was one of the many reasons why you loved Peter too, he would give anyone the shirt off his back because of who he is. But he would also go to the end of the universe for those he loved. It didn’t matter that your last conversation before this had been full of anger, hurt feelings, and unsaid words. He still for some reason unknown to you, considered you a friend and you would forever be grateful for him. He had always been your rock and here he was again, being the stand up guy you looked up to growing up.
When you finally left the station and headed to the subway, it was well into the morning and you realized you probably wouldn’t be going into work for the next couple of days so you sent your boss a text asking to work from home for the rest of the week. Peter was also typing away on his phone but he held your hand to make sure you wouldn’t leave. He also was on high alert, it seemed. Once you and Peter got onto the subway, you finally felt the full force of everything hit you and you felt the wind knocked out of you. Luckily at that moment, Peter wrapped his arm around you and things felt slightly better. After the conductor called for your stop, you and Peter stood up and gathered your things to head to his apartment. It wasn’t more than a few minutes from where you guys got out but the sooner you could get indoors and away from all of the stares, the better.
After climbing 3 flights of stairs you were finally at the door to Peter’s apartment. He unlocked it quickly and set your stuff down. You were given a very brief tour of the tidiest apartment you had ever seen. Peter’s photography was all over the apartment and it had a very lived in minimalist look to it. In the hall on the way to his room you saw a picture that made you tear up. It was a picture of you, your mother, May, Peter, and Ned on the last birthday you had before your mom got sick. “Mom would hate all of what’s going on right now.” After the whirlwind of the day, this was something you needed to but also didn’t want to see.
“Can I take a shower,” you asked, “ I desperately need one after the poking and prodding. Plus I’d like to get out of this,” as you gestured to the front of your blood soaked tank top. Peter gathered up some stuff for you to take a shower and showed you where to go. Never had a shower ever felt better or more relaxing. You spent a long time just letting the water rinse the day off and refusing to get out until the water ran cold because you didn’t want to face what lay ahead. For this brief period in time, you were at peace.
Eventually though you had to get out, so you quickly towelled off and put on some plaid pajama pants and a science pun t-shirt, both of which you had realized you’d stolen from Peter when you were younger. “I wonder if he even remembers me taking these. I wonder if he actually wants me here, or he’s just pitying me.” The internal monologue would not stop doubting. When you walked out of the bathroom you expected to be grilled by Peter. To your relief though, Peter was just laying on the couch waiting for you. He had just ended a phone call and was now texting when you plopped down by his feet.
“You can take the bed if you want, I can sleep on the couch,” he said, not looking up from his phone. You just nodded and went back to his bedroom, leaving the door open. Pulling back the dark blue covers, you tried to settle in but couldn’t. Your mind would not shut off and every time you closed your eyes, your brain would just replay the night’s events over and over. The restless mind thing had happened from time to time growing up when you would feel bad for robbing him of his bed or you were and Peter could tell what was going to come next.
“Don’t mind me,” he stated while walking into the room, “just coming to get my charger.”
“Pete, get in the bed,” you said matter of factly, “I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep knowing you're not comfortable. Plus, I think someone protecting me might make me fall asleep quicker.”
“Fine, but you better not snore or blanket hog,” he quipped, pulling the blankets on the unoccupied side of the bed.
“Blanket hog?! If I remember correctly, you used to burrito yourself every night, Parker.” You rolled onto your side, lifting your head up for him to put his arm under your neck, settling into the familiarity and warmth of him. You refused to lay as close as you used to with him, but got just close enough towards you both would have ample blankets.
“That’s because otherwise I’d freeze, y/l/n.” It was so odd yet comforting falling back into the pattern. With both of you laying side by side in his full-sized bed, it felt just like old times and you quickly dozed off, the weight of the day finally pulling you into a deep sleep.
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Masterlist
Read Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5
#peter parker#spiderman#spider-man#marvel#avengers#dailymarvel#spiderman fanfiction#spider-man fanfiction#spiderman far from home#spider-man fic#spider-man far from home#spiderman fic#spider-man homecoming#spider-man ffh#spider-man hoco#spiderman hoco#spiderman ffh#tom holland#reader insert#daily spidermam#daily spider-man#try to fix you
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Survey #213
"there's a voice in my head, says i'm better off dead, but if i sing along a little fucking louder to a happy song, i'll be all right."
Are there popsicles in your freezer right now? No.
Ice cream? No.
Is there a lamp in your bedroom? Well, two heat lamps for Kaiju and Venus.
Would you prefer eating jello or pudding? Pudding.
After washing your hair, do you put any products in it? No.
Last time you ate a salad? Yikes, it's been a long time...
Can you name 2 books of the Bible? Uhhh Luke and Revelations?
Do people usually think your brother is handsome? I don't know, I haven't lived with him since I was a kid, and he doesn't live in my state. So we don't know the same people.
Have you ever crawled thru a vent? Not to my memory.
Are there toothpicks in your kitchen? They're in the bathroom.
How many living grandparents do you have? One.
Do you eat more than 3 meals a day? No; I don't even always have three.
Do you know how old your house is? I believe it was made in the '70s.
Do you think you have great potential for success? Meh.
Have you applied any lipstick, chapstick, gloss, etc to your lips today? No.
Would you rather have tan or pale skin color? Pale. Sometimes I hate it, but I like it more overall. Especially when you're a goth at heart know what I'm sayin'.
Last time you entered a high school? Probably my sister's graduation.
Last time you rode a bike? It's been years, dude. Probably not since high school.
Do you drink your water from the tap? You couldn't pay me to. Our water is technically clean, we've had it tested, but dead serious, the hot water smells like rotten eggs. I'm pretty sure Mom said it's something about the salt content in the pipes. But nevertheless, mind over matter would nooot work.
Is there any kind of design on your socks? I'm not wearing socks.
Have you ever had an ice cream cake for your birthday? No, I'm not a fan.
Do you use dryer sheets? Yes.
Do you like Subway? Yeah.
What was your worst mistake in your life? Letting a guy become god, the entire universe, and more to me.
Is this year the best year of your life? Oh, hunny-
Is there someone in your life you wish you never met? I don't think so.
Did you sleep well last night? I never do. I always wake up at least once.
What’s the last song you heard? "Happy Song" by Bring Me The Horizon is on repeat.
What is your favorite line from a TV show? I don't have a clue.
Any current family issues? No.
Who is the last friend you spent time with outside of school? Summer and I talked for a while at my niece's b-day party a few days back.
What do you think of your mother? Your father? Your siblings (if there are any)? I love them. There's one sister I don't know so can't really say anything on her, then I do have another sister who, if I can assume via Facebook interactions, can't be too fond of me. But I could be mistaken with my habit of said assuming...
Who/What is one person/thing that had the biggest impact on your life? Who: Jason. What: my mental health.
What is the biggest problem in your life right now? How isolated I am and void of purpose I feel.
What is one band that you find yourself going back to again and again? You mean like, stop liking but then get back into? None, I think.
Have you ever had a crush on someone of the same gender as you? Yes.
Have you ever kissed someone of the same gender as you? Yes.
Do you and your dad get along? Yes.
What’s the longest amount of time you’ve ever kept a goldfish alive for? Idk.
Can you see your purse right now? Yes.
Are you wearing any perfume? What kind? No.
Are there products in your hair? No.
Have you ever eaten cat food? I don't think so, though I wouldn't be surprised as a kid.
How many pets do you have? Six.
Do you actually like them? All but my sister's dog. I can't stand him.
Do you have one best friend who is always there for you? My girlfriend.
Do you wear skirts a lot? I never do. I hate my legs.
Do you basically live in jeans? I have zero jeans.
Do you wear sweatpants a lot? Not really; if I'm not in pjs, I'm usually in dance or yoga pants.
How many pairs of jeans do you think you have? Zero.
Do you like hoodies? Yeah.
Big ones or the form fitting kind? Bigger ones.
Did you ever actually have a rubber duck? I think I did.
Are you one of those people who claim to live with no regrets? I go back and forth, lol. But no, I have regrets.
Do you love your computer? It's got a few issues, but yeah.
Do friends or family come first? Family of the heart, anyway. Us sharing blood doesn't mean shit to me, honestly.
What’s your lucky number? I don't believe in "lucky" numbers.
Who were the last 5 people you spoke to? I'll include via technology because otherwise I have no clue. Mom, Sara, Emma, and two women interested in adopting Kaiju.
Do you have the same password for everything? No.
Do you get shy around the person you like? Sometimes.
What color is your phone? Dark navy.
Do you prefer pens or pencils? Pencils.
Do you like peanut butter? Yes.
If you could live forever, would you? Hell no.
Do you talk in your sleep? A lot.
What was the last thing you regretted? Probably depression binge-eating something.
Are you any good at cutting hair? Never tried.
Do you like your yearbook picture this year? N/A
What was the last YouTube video to make you laugh? Ummm there was something last night, but idr what.
Do you like tomatoes? No.
Do you have a pool? I wish.
How would you describe your style? Too poor and lazy to be a goth so dresses in whatever is at the top of my drawer tbh lmao.
Do you still talk to any of your exes? One.
Have you ever been arrested? No.
What was the last thing you watched on TV? I don't watch TV by my own volition anymore and there's not even a TV in my room, so... I really don't know.
Do you have a tan? Even the Irish are ashamed of me.
What was your most embarrassing moment? Who knows. I'm so easily humiliated and affected by it that I can remember times I've been even remotely embarrassed as far back as pre-k.
Do you fall for people fast? No.
Do you tell your parents everything? No.
Are you quick to judge? Depends. Not generally.
When was the last time you crawled through a window? I have zero clue.
Are you scared of spiders? Most, yes.
What would you do if the doctor told you that you were pregnant? Have a full-blown panic attack despite that being physically impossible.
Do you plan on moving within the next year? It'd be nice, but I estimate it'll be around two more years.
Have you been to a baby shower? Yeah.
How many cars can fit in your driveway? Hm. A few, since the parking area behind the house is decently-sized.
Are you taller than your mom? No.
Are you a cuddler? Yes.
Sleep on your back or stomach? My stomach/upper torso kinda to the side.
Think of the last time you were angry. Why were you angry? I don't remember. Though I know I was mad recently.
How long has it been since you had sex? Almost four years.
Who was the last person to call you babe? Sara.
Last reason you went to the ER? My sister got in a car wreck.
Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth? Yeah.
When was the last time you shaved your legs? It's been maaaany months.
What facial cleanser do you use? Biore.
Do you use a blowdryer? No.
If someone wanted to know what you smelt like, what should they smell? Dogs and cats lmao.
Have you ever cheated on the significant other that you have now? No.
For that one week a month, do you hate being a woman? Still rather be a woman.
Favorite underwear brand? Idk.
Last thing you bought at the mall? A book.
Do your parents like your boyfriend/girlfriend? Yes.
What if an ex asked to be back in your life? Aaron: We've never had issues, we just drifted apart. It'd be weird for him to ask that, but I mean, sure? Juan: I don't know. Probably not. Jason: I REALLY don't know. We could probably be friends at a distance. Tyler: No, I think. Girt: He's still in my life.
If you’re on a laptop, how much charge does it have right now? It's charging and only tells me the minutes until it's at full charge.
Last gift you received? I don't know.
Lesson you recently learned? I absolutely cannot work in a busy environment.
What is your favorite condiment to go with french fries? Probably ketchup.
What is a field of study that is of your interest? Zoology.
What do you have a habit of doing when engaging in a conversation with someone? Thinking too hard on what the appropriate amount of eye contact is.
Have you ever laid in a hammock? Yeah.
What time of day do you feel mostly at peace? Morning.
How has the weather been treating you lately? It's way too fucking hot and humid.
Have you ever lost a pet in a tragic way? How did you cope? We've had numerous cats be hit by cars. It was always sad, but I mean, I got through it. Especially as I was just a kid and didn't quite fathom how serious death was, nor did any cats I was SUPER attached to die that way.
What can you go a day without doing? Going outside.
What can’t you go a day without doing? Using some form of technology. Talking to Sara.
Who do you spend most of your time with? No one. I'm usually alone.
Do you have a favorite classical composer? No.
What type of quality is a must-have in a friend? A caring heart.
Have you ever eaten a zucchini? A fried one that was sliced into chips.
What type of art would you hang up in your room? Dark art or fandom-related stuff.
What goes good with a nice cold glass of milk? Oreos omggggg.
What fruit is too sweet to you? None, I think?
How much money did your last vacation cost? I don't even remember my last vacation.
Have you ever taken a physics class? Yeah.
What are your thoughts on celebrity idolization and ‘fangirling/fanboying?’ Oh boy, I can't talk shit here for obvious reasons lmao.
What is the messiest area in your home? I'm not sure... I haven't been in my sister's old room in forever, and I can't remember if it's empty or not. If it is empty - hell, even if it isn't -, the answer's probably the laundry room.
Who was the last person you called? My mom.
What’s your favorite computer game genre? Horror is my favorite game genre period.
Do you have any exes your parents never liked? No. Well, Mom had mixed feelings about Juan, but so did I. She didn't not like him, though.
Do you take public transportation to work? N/A. Public transport doesn't even come here.
What extracurricular activities did you do when you were growing up? Soccer for one season (I hated it), softball, basketball, briefly cheerleading, and dance.
Has anything unusual happened to you recently? Idk. I don't think so.
Do you like chicken korma? I have no clue what that is.
What was the last type of tea you drank? I never drink tea; I hate it.
Have you ever been severely mentally ill? Yes.
Where is the most interesting place you could go that’s within day-trip distance from your house? Stealing previous answer: Washington D.C.
Do you ever rearrange your furniture? No.
Have you received financial help from your parents in the past 5 years? Lol I'm still financially dependent on them.
Are you a fast or a slow eater? I am an extremely fast eater. I'm not messy or anything, I just, eat how I feel is normal? Just chew until you've done so enough to swallow.
What room(s) of your house did you last vacuum? Mine.
How old were you when you had your first relationship? My first "real" relationship started at 15. I had a middle school bf for just like... a month or so, but that was all puppy-dog love.
Why did your last relationship end? I verified that I didn't like him romantically, and I also found I was just too guarded. In our four months of dating, I got no closer to him than I was from the start. I wasn't ready to date a guy again.
What was the last thing you purchased from a small local business? No idea.
Is there anyone in your family/household whom you frequently argue with? No.
Do you live in a high cost-of-living area? No.
Have you ever used chewing tobacco? Ew, no.
Do you ever feel like someone would be disappointed to see your body or are you comfortable with your body enough where you don’t think that? I fucking hate my body and I'm sure anyone else would too.
What is your favorite flavor of Monster? I don't like Monster.
Do you follow your head or your heart? Both, I guess. It depends.
How do you act under pressure? Did somebody say PANIC?!?!?!?!
Do you ever call people just to hear the sound of their voice? No.
Do you ever look back at your yearbooks? No. It'd probably depress me.
Have you ever ran from the police? No.
Have you ever written on someone’s face in your yearbook? Ha ha yeah, back as a kid...
Are you double jointed? No.
Who was the last person to yell at you? Mom.
What is your favorite stuffed animal that you own? My first stuffed meerkat I named after Zaphod from MM. Or my moose Brownie.
Do you have any trophies? Somewhere.
Do you work out? No.
What grade are you in? I’m not in school.
Do you like screamo music? No. Let me hear words, please. If I learn the lyrics, I can /sometimes/ enjoy the song, though.
What does your wallet look like? It's rectangular with a Harley Quinn design.
Do you have any hickeys on you? No.
Is weed a drug? *Technically*, by definition, yes
Who’s the first person you turn to when you need a shoulder to cry on? Mom or Sara.
Would you cheat on someone for revenge? Or if they wouldn’t find out? No, that's fucking stupid.
If you got pregnant right now, would you keep the baby? If I was, God forbid, raped, I don't think I could. If I had unprotected sex willingly, I truly think pregnancy would traumatize me, but I'd probably go through with it and put it up for adoption. I'd want to take responsibility for my actions.
Does your family have a secret? No.
Are you prejudice against any groups of people? No.
If someone gave you a houseplant, would you keep it? Yeah, to be nice. That fella wouldn't live long, though.
When/where are you most likely to sing? In the car.
Are there any exercises that you do regularly? I'm trying to get in the habit of planking every day since it works out your whole body.
Would you ever wish to explore a cave? HELL YES!!!!
If you had a son right now, what would you name him? Probably Damien. Who names their son after a Markiplier character? Me. But real talk, I like the name.
Do you own a desktop or a laptop? A laptop.
Have you kissed more than three guys this year? I haven't kissed any guys.
Who’s with you? Mom's on the couch outside my door.
Can you use chopsticks? I highly doubt it, especially because I have tremors.
When did you last go to an amusement park? Oh, wow. I actually think this was shortly before Jason and I broke up. So 2015.
Are there certain things that can’t be joked about with you? Don't you fucking dare joke about rape, retardation, suicide, or self-harm.
What would you do if you had a baby with the last person you kissed? We're both females. We can't.
Your phone is ringing. It’s your ex. What do you say? I don't have any of my exes' numbers, so I'd answer it and say "hello?".
Are any of your texts in your inbox locked? A couple from Sara.
If there were no letters on the keys on your keyboard, could you still type? Yes; I don't look at the keyboard when I type.
Have you ever dated someone longer than a year? Twice now.
Do you currently have a scar? I have a lot.
Have you ever seen somebody get shot? No.
You have $5 and need to buy snacks at a petrol station. What do you buy? I mean, it depends on what I'm up for. Usually Reese's or something sour.
If you were reincarnated as a sea creature, what would you want to be? Probably a dolphin.
What do you order most off the internet? Clothes.
Describe the last time you were injured? So I have this awful habit of tearing my fingernails when they get long, and I peeled it way too short.
Rock concert or symphony? Y'all know I'm picking rock.
What is the wallpaper of your mobile phone? Mark and Chica, and my home screen is Sara and me.
Most recent movie you’ve watched at the cinema? Detective Pikachu.
Name an actor/actress you’ve had the hots for? Jason Momoa. My straight side is certainly still there, friends.
What’s your favorite kind of cake? Red velvet.
Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? No.
Have you ever eaten snow? Yeah.
Have you ever done ballet? No.
Do you listen to classical music? No.
Do you watch Spongebob? I don't watch TV period.
Do people consider you intelligent? Those in my life seem stuck on high school me, when I was really smart. I don't think I am anymore.
What curse word do you use the most? "Fuck," oops.
Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos? Well yeah, I'm probably gonna BE that person one day, lmao.
What’s the way people most often mispronounce any part of your name? It's impossible to mispronounce my name... The only thing that sometimes happens is my name is misspelled.
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I am.
I am a woman.
I am a woman who yearns for the company and friendship of other women.
I am a woman who loves and hates.
I am a woman who feels isolated.
I have felt for as long as I can remember that I have a long lost tribe somewhere out there. A tribe that has lost each other and yearns to be reunited. Every time I see images of naked women standing in a circle holding hands it awakens a sense of familiarity in me. Like when you remember your very fondest childhood memories. I’ve never really had that though.
Unfortunately my experience in friendships with women hasn’t been necessarily ideal. I do have a couple of really good girlfriends but for the most part it’s proven to be an unwinnable challenge. I’ve lost friends for a good amount of reasons. One tried to hook up with my bf at the time, and just to reiterate how much it hurt me it was the bf that was my first everything (except first kiss)- first love, we lost our virginity to each other, etc. Yea, she tried to take that one. Not cool. Another took my exes side when I dumped him even though he talked crap about her and her bf almost all the time, and was super emotionally abusive towards me. A handful have stolen from me or lied straight to my face. Some of them just chose a boy over me, or some other friend.
I’m not trying to brag or anything but when I’m in a friendship with someone I am all in. I will be the most loyal friend you can imagine. I’ll stand behind you and have your back in any situation if you need me, no matter what. Just because I know what it’s like to really stand alone and no one should ever have to stand alone. I probably invest too much of myself in friendships. I probably love too much. But when I find someone who I can really mesh with I can’t help it. I feel like “that’s my tribe, nobody fucks with my tribe.” So I get really attached. Not to where I’m constantly annoying them or anything like that, but to a slightly unhealthy point. I’ll get jealous of their other friendships (that’s actually happening in my life right now and that’s what sparked this whole blog post in the first place, but I’ll get to that later), I’ll get either sad/mad/irritated when plans are cancelled or changed somehow. I guess that would be me getting a little possessive, which I fully realize is unhealthy but it’s also kind of just how I am. I don’t make it obvious that I’m like that to other people. I internalize a lot so if I start feeling uncomfortable because I’m being possessive I won’t say anything. I’ll bottle it up and shove it down somewhere inside me. Assure myself that there’s still a smile on my face. I don’t like being jealous and I don’t like showing it.
But alas, I am jealous. I was never jealous (besides of other women’s bodies when I was going through puberty, we’re good now though) until I dated my first boyfriend (yes, the one I lost my virginity to) and he cheated on me with this girl he met at his work. I was devastated. That’s definitely up in the top 3 of the worst feelings I’ve ever felt. After that happened I was constantly seething with jealousy. I was jealous of every girl in eyes range. Any girl he talked to. Any girl on TV or magazines. It eventually trickled out of my relationship with my bf to other aspects of my life. I got really jealous of girls at school. They were prettier, they had better bodies, they had more friends, more boys liked them, they were smarter, they were more athletic. I got jealous of my friends friends. “Who the fuck is Victoria and what’s so great about her?” That’s what I’d think to myself when my best friend was talking about a girl she’d known from cheer leading.
Unfortunately I’m still kind of like that today. I have a friend that I met through my current bf/my last job. We’ve become really good friends. We all lived together for a while at one point. She’s a lot like my more crazy, extroverted side. I love that I have someone I can be loud with and talk about pretty much anything, especially sex related stuff which is my favorite to talk about. But her and her old best friend had a falling out for a while and then right after they made up her friend got pregnant so they haven’t ever really fully reconnected. In the meantime, she had met this girl that she worked with at her second job. They hit it off and have gotten pretty close. The new girl lives right down the street from her basically so they hang out a lot. They get drunk together a lot and go out places. They’ve become best friends now. And I’ve sat on the sidelines and watched the whole thing. I watched her go from kind of being my best friend, to being this other new girls best friend. And that really fucking sucks. It really fucking sucks to be over there at parties or just hanging out with this new girl there and basically be ignored. I’m not as cool or interesting i guess. And this is not the first time this has happened. Some new cooler bitch always has to come steal my friends. God it fucking sucks and it sounds so pathetic but I can’t help how it feels. The funny thing is the new girl isn’t even a bitch. I actually really like her and want to be her friend too but it’s too forced every time we talk. That’s how I feel anytime I talk to anyone, it’s so forced! It’s always so forced!
Why can’t friendships happen like when we were kids? You meet a kid at school, you guys talk, become friends and from that point on you’re just two peas in a pod. Together all the time, never annoying each other or running out of conversation. Always having fun. As an adult you have to basically schedule appointments to spend time with friends. Then when you do hang out 9 times out of 10 you’ll run out of shit to talk about after an hour. Get on your phones or something we humans do now.
I just miss human interaction so much. It sucks dating my bf too because he just doesn’t get it. He says he gets it sometimes when we’re talking. He says he gets the whole “sisterhood” thing with women, he grew up with just his mom and his sister so he was around women all the time. But other times he’ll raise his voice and start going off about how he doesn’t need people and he can go out and do things by himself and yada yada yada. I think he thinks he should be enough for me and I shouldn’t need anymore emotional support or whatever than him. He’d deny it and repeat himself if I ever asked if that’s what it was, but I can see through him sometimes. I can see his true intentions sometimes even when he can’t. I get why he would feel that way. He probably has the same subtle possessive/jealous tendencies that I do but I need to have friends. Plural. I need people to talk to. I’m a very talkative person and he’s just too quiet for me sometimes. Sometimes I’m completely manic when he’s completely calm and reclusive. It sucks but I try to manage it. I love him. I wish he would go back to being that amazing positive optimistic person he was when we first met. It was exactly what I needed at that point in my life and I need it again.
But I’ve destroyed him. He’s been with me for 4 years now and my negativity has inevitably eaten away at all his positivity. This happens with everyone I know. Whether I date them or we’re just friends. My negativity consumes the good in people and changes them. I actually hate being negative. I want more than anything to change that about myself. I literally hate it so much I want to hurl myself off the side of a bridge. But then I’d just die or really hurt myself and be even more negative. I just don’t know how to change. I’ve tried so hard and it always comes back. If it ever even really went away in the first place. I’ve been this way as long as I can remember. I was raised in it. My whole entire family is negative.
I just really want to change my negative mindset, make some friends, and stop being possessive and jealous of people. I can sit here and talk about it all I want but will I ever actually get up off my ass and do something about it? I fucking need to.
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Holby city and casualty & biphobia
Holby city and casualty have recently been trying to step up when it comes to diversity, especially when it comes to sexuality, and in most cases this has been done well. The Dom and Isaac storyline in particular was written well. They have a history of trying to tackle sensitive topics with a lot of grace, and are well above average on the diversity scale compared to similar shows.
But, there is a clear pattern of biphobia across both sister shows that I want to draw attention to. Not because I don’t appreciate the efforts from the shows, but because I have a feeling the writers and some audience members might not even understand how harmful some of the biphobia on the show could be. So this is just to show you where some areas can be improved.
Let’s start with casualty, as there’s less to talk about in that show compared to holby city.
1. Jez
I really like Jez as a character, but right from the get go he has been the stereotypical oversexualized bisexual. Yes, people can enjoy having a lot of sex, but when it’s done in reference to a bisexual character it just seems iffy to me. It’s like he’s having more sex because he’s with both men and women on different days of the week. Then, when we finally see him starting a relationship with Louise (we’ll get to her in a minute, wow) he breaks it off - for reasons other than his sexuality, admittedly - and is very soon in a relationship with his current boyfriend. To me this seems like he’s being pushed around partners quicker than any other character because there’s “more choice”. You don’t really see this with anyone else. Casualty love pairing people up but they usually drag out one couple and one love interest for months, but bisexual characters move from partner to partner.
Sidenote: as a bisexual person, the more choice thing is a myth. You might be in a club with 200 people and not fancy any of them, no matter their gender.
And, of course he’s attracted to multiple genders and can end up with anyone. But the fact they pair him with men more frequently seems slightly dismissive to me. The writers have not stated a preference, and there may well be a preference, but they are not using the opportunity to address biphobia toward bisexual people who end up with someone of another gender to their own. Obviously let’s add yes give me all those same sex couples, i love it, but they aren’t exploring this enough at all. I want more same sex couples on mainstream tv but I just wish they would take the chance to explore different aspects of the bisexual dating experience.
I’ve been thinking about this post for months and before that they had never referenced Jez as bi. Now in the last week they have, and that’s amazing and I’m really happy about it. But it took the writers A YEAR. I KNOW THIS, BECAUSE I WAS WAITING. When Jez first talked about his sexuality it was ‘fluid’ or ‘unlabeled’ or some other such nonsense that basically meant they didn’t have to say the b word. They have since rectified this as stated, but when even contemplating writing a bi character, do some fucking research beforehand guys, it isn’t hard. And yes I know some people don’t like labels, but when it’s done in tv it seems like a lazy excuse and we all know it.
2. Louise
When Louise started her brief romance with Jez she was hesitant because of his sexuality. Jez said that it's ok and that it doesn’t affect their relationship, but no one really said that her opinion was uninformed, let alone wrong. It was basically something she wasn’t comfortable with and no one called her out on it and it’s never been mentioned again.
This scene was sort of infamous for me because this is the scene where Louise said “It’s your choice.”
Choice? Choice? C H O I C E???/
And the worst thing is Jez didn’t even call her out on it. He just let her call his sexuality a life choice and then got into a relationship with this woman who didn’t respect this part of him. Are you kidding me? I might be forgiving of ignorance when we learn from it, but mate. No way would this happen. And, not to mention that Louise is a trained health professional and should know about different sexualities by now.
3. Toby
For those who are slightly newer to casualty, Toby was a very sweet natured f1 a couple of years ago. Very timid for a long time.
So, after a traumatic experience, he had an ill advised relationship with the pregnant daughter of a senior staff member (all above board, it just probably wasn’t the best idea given their issues at the time). After some mistakes, he sought out the help of a counsellor, Ben, who he ended up dating. So, we have a canon bisexual character.
Then, when the affair was exposed - It shouldn’t have been happening anyway because I’m pretty sure you shouldn’t date your therapist, so that seems predatory in itself - Toby was ashamed of his sexuality and accused Ben of taking advantage of him. Ok, so they end up together when Toby decided to leave the hospital but….man.
The whole ‘ashamed of his sexuality, accuses colleague of taking advantage’ was something the show did again with gay character Seb in recent months. This isn’t solely biphobia in that sense, but general shitty writing for lgbtq characters. It’s a storyline that paints them as malicious, ashamed, sneaky. This happened in Holby with Dom and Malik as well, and it’s just a horrible storyline that seems to only happen with lgbtq characters and I do not know why at all.
4. Alicia
In recent times Alicia found out her father was cheating on her mother with another man. She had a massive problem with this, mostly because of the cheating, but she couldn’t seem to accept her dad’s sexuality. Yes, cheating is always wrong. I can’t remember exactly how her father identifies but if he is bisexual then....well, he didn’t just marry her mum out of convinience, he loved her. And he could have cheated on her with anyone. And to me it seemed Alicia was more angry that it was a man than anything else (please correct me if her father does identify as gay, though the point still stands about Alicia’s reluctance)
It just seemed like it was thrown in there to make it “worse” or something and Alicia was sort of awful about it all really and used it as an excuse to ruin her own life (though my issues with that character are for another time)
So now, the holby city section
1. Serena (/Bernie)
Ok, so. Before the avid fanbase for this ship, like, comes at me, let me just disclaim: yes, anyone can identify however they want! But! When it speaks to a pattern of biphobia! I have an issue with it!
So, we had the really wonderfully acted love story between two older women on Holby, Bernie and Serena. Bernie has had a relationship with a woman after the breakdown of her marriage but Serena never has. They had a really lovely story that I enjoyed.
But the word bisexual was rarely, if ever, used. When Serena was first coming to terms with her kiss with Bernie, she tried out calling herself a lesbian. Even though she had many relationships with men and one even after she first kissed Bernie. So, because she did have a romantic connection with Robbie after Bernie, I think it’s pretty clear she’s bisexual, and this would have been a lovely discussion if they didn’t just start calling her a lesbian straight away (same with Bernie, even though she was also married to a man. I’m more familiar with Serena’s story so it might well be that Bernie was always a lesbian but I’m pretty sure she reads as bi too but maybe that’s my opinion.)
There’s also that fucking awful scene in which her and Raf test out whether they want to kiss each other. She does not want to kiss Raf, and so they declare she must be a lesbian.
WHAT?
I’m sorry, I didn’t realize not wanting to kiss your mate, a skinny scottish man who cries too much, was how we measure our sexualties now. Just because I don’t want to kiss every man I know doesn’t make me a lesbian. You can be a bisexual woman and not want to kiss some guy you know at work, guys. In case you didn’t know.
I’m just like...just say bisexual. It isn’t hard.
2. Lee
Ok, so, Dom, whom I love dearly, started a relationship with a man named Lee. Lee stole all of his stuff. Lee was not a nice man. Lee also had a pregnant girlfriend. Lee is bisexual.
Lee comes back after having been in prison and proceeds to physically attack people on the ward.
It’s like they equated the lies and the cheating with his sexuality. Instead of showing us a positive relationship between a gay person and a bisexual person (which is another issue within the community itself that they could have done something positive with but nope) they showed us a gay man being lied to, cheated on and attacked by a bisexual man who seemed to have mental health issues. Also his sexuality seemed to be directly related to his mental health issues, like he was being self destructive and cheating because of his repressed sexuality. Then he attacks Dom’s new partner and says Dom still loves him and all of that, so his mental health is always tied up with his feelings for Dom which I don’t this is helpful in anyway.
Like, do I even need to explain how harmful that is? I don’t think so.
3. Fleur Fanshawe
Biphobia from gay characters on holby is not something new. Instead of being progressive in their writing, the holby writers just choose to give into stereotypes again and again. Fleur Fanshawe was an older gay woman = great. What wasn’t great was how she treated her ex girlfriend, Sophia.
So my memory isn’t a plus because I hated the storyline but what I remember is that, after they broke up, Sophia went back to her boyfriend. Fleur was very angry about this, about her “going back to men”. It was all just written very weirdly and just wasn’t good representation for bi/gay relationships. The behaviour, again, was never called out, and because their exit dates are the same I assume they got together again, even though Fleur always seemed to look down on Sophia’s bisexuality.
This is just another example of bisexual characters experiencing shame reinforced by their partners and others around them. It’s just tiring to me. It’s exhausting that the bi characters are always having to explain themselves or feel guilty.
4. Try be bi
That’s what I’m calling this section. This is the section where we talk about the odd, random, bisexual kisses that don’t seem to have a bearing on the plot.
Zosia, who is bipolar, is usually a character written very sensitively. She kissed Sophia whilst experiencing a bad mental health episode. I cannot speak to whether this behaviour is accurate and I won’t pretend to be an expert on bipolar disorder. However I think this kiss was thrown in there just to be shocking and to be a symptom of mental illness. Zosia is never confirmed bisexual and has never done anything like that afterwards, so I think it was a cheap shock ploy and it did a disservice not just to bisexuality but to mental illness as well. This was represented as a symptom of her mania but I think there were probably better ways of doing that.
Then quite a few years ago we have Donna, a nurse, having a one night stand with lesbian friend Micki. She was drunk at the time I think, and she never had any other relationships with women. Again, cheap shocks. Bisexuality is not something you just try out for the night. This is like those girls who kiss each other at parties without understanding that it’s for someone else's benefit and that they, as heterosexuals, are privileged above lgbtq people doing the same thing. Just a weird, unnecessary interlude in general.
5. Lofty
Now last night nurse Lofty was confirmed as having feelings for a man and a woman. He said “He loved them both.” Not in a poly way, since he left the woman because of his feelings for her brother. Now I along with many others welcomed this development! I want more lgbtq rep!
What I didn’t like is everyone suddenly calling him gay because he kissed a man, when he literally said in the same episode that he did love the woman he was with at the time. The media was also to blame since they basically described it as a gay bombshell. It was, in my opinion, a bisexual bombshell.
And, ok again this is my view this isn’t fact or how you have to see it, but for me this came out of nowhere, since his sexuality wasn’t ever brought up before. It almost seems as if, possibly, they are introducing it as a way to let Dom be with someone? And ok this is not confirmed but the two lgbtq characters on the same ward usually get together.
Look I like Lofty and this could be great. However, it might have been nice to introduce a new bisexual character without shoving it onto a preexisting character for the sake of convenience.
6. Jas and Morven
Now, given what I just said about Lofty and the writers randomly pushing bisexuality onto existing characters just because, you might think - Hold on a sec...but hear me out.
I love these two, my beautiful daughters. I adore them and their friendship.
But the friendship took a turn when, after weeks of Morven connecting online with a man called Nathan, she found out Nathan was actually her best friend Jasmine, cat fishing her because of her own loneliness.
Before this, Morven had said she’d really connected to “Nathan” and that she had very strong romantic feelings for him.
But they disappear as soon as she finds out it was Jasmine. It’s like, the words, the talking, the feelings were all genuine. And yes, Nathan was a fiction, but I think they could have Roxanne’d this and had her realise her feelings for this person were real, and that in actual fact that person was Jasmine. But no. They just had them fall out instead of falling in love. No bisexual roommates for me.
Oh and whilst we’re here, let’s talk about how apparently you can only have one lgbtq couple a ward (Berena as opposed to both Berena and Jasmine/Morven) Raf and Fletch, also best friends who lived together and helped raise Fletch’s children together. Jokingly described their relationship as a ‘sexless platonic marriage’. Couldn’t make it a relationship? For whatever reason. I guess what I’m trying to say is that the writers consistently deny friends to lovers relationships that have basis and positivity in favour of dramatic coming out stories, shock kisses and various other biphobic shitty things.
7. Dan Hamilton
In the words of my good friend, this was a real shit show.
Briefly romantically involved with the likes of Chrissie, Dan was originally portrayed back in 2011 as a ladies man. He shared a kiss with canon gay character Malik. This attracted criticism because apparently this was a ‘repetition of gay storylines seen on other dramas’. And ok this was a few years ago but...really
The storyline starts with him having tension with Malik - especially after he finds out Malik is gay. When Malik threatens to report Dan for something he did on the ward, they fight and then share a kiss. After this Dan rushes to his then girlfriend Chrissie and confesses his love for her. He proceeds to just try and avoid Malik and forget about the kiss. This is what they said about the storyline at the time (they being producers)
"It really isn't a 'coming out' storyline. The focus really is on Dan's character. Dan is Mr Conventional – he wants Chrissie, he wants the wife, the house, the career and 2.4 children. It won't be about him coming out and coming to terms with his sexuality. If anything, the kiss with Malick has made him even more determined to try to have a conventional life – because that's what he wants the most."
I mean, yes I like the fact not every story is a coming out story but...it seems weird for them to put it that way, especially since it was a coming out storyline if we’re being honest. Because they never discuss the bisexuality in the same way they discuss being gay on the show. Seems suspicious that they try not to delve into bisexuality. Instead of really showing how he felt for Chrissie and Malik the story was more about him being ashamed. Because that’s all the writers seem to know how to write. And I understand that it’s important to show these kind of struggles but...we never see Dom or Fleur or Malik being ‘ashamed’, only ever the men and women discovering their bisexuality. Malik tries to blackmail Dan, saying he would reveal their kiss to Chrissie. It’s almost implied - intentionally or not - that the sexuality is the issue above the cheating.
Astill also said he hoped Dan would “transform into a bisexual predator - no man or woman is safe from him.” I think the actor means he wanted Dan to be openly bisexual and as we know he’s a player, that that would still remain a part of his character. But the phrase bisexual predator is just fucking awful and harmful. When he left the show he did praise the fact Dan was the happiest we’d seen him after coming to terms with his sexuality (and I think leaving with another man?) and like, yes that’s good, but it was such an overdone story and it had its flaws for definite, not the least of which was once again painting bisexuals as confused, repressed or sexual predators or cheaters. And it seems again, a cliche, to make one of the most sexual characters bisexual, because it seems to go hand in hand on this show.
Very quick end point to explain something I said earlier: I want more same sex couples on my screen, but by showing a bisexual person in a relationship with someone of the same gender you could: explain some of the problems within the community as regards to biphobia - but that isn’t happening. By showing a bisexual person with someone of another gender you could delve into the myth of bisexual privelage - but that isn’t happening either. Instead what we have is bisexual characters very often only dating the opposite gender after their bisexuality is revealed. We see this with Dan, with Jez to an extent (he seems to have more positive relationships with men) Toby and most likely with Lofty. Again, not saying this is wrong or that these characters can’t have a preference. But the preference is never stated, it’s just implied. What this suggests to me is that the writers are having these characters ‘choose’. Which is another myth that needs to be dismantled. Bisexual people do not stop being bisexual because they are with someone of a certain gender, but for the purposes of writing these shows that’s what it feels like. Bisexuality is revealed as a shock, through a bombshell featuring a same sex relationship, and then forgotten. It feels as if these writers are using bisexuality as a stepping stone for the characters actually being gay. Now people might not agree with this and everyone’s experiences are different, but to me as a bisexual viewer that is how it feels.
I guess what I’m saying is they’ve had enough bisexual characters by now that they should be writing them as well as they do other lgbtq characters. For shows that usually handle things very well and sensitively they are still failing in this department. I love these shows but it’s 2017 guys it isn’t hard to talk to bisexual people, or you're bisexual viewers, fix your mistakes, talk to your target audience and the audience you’re trying to represent and see where you can do better. Why the fuck are we still having this conversation.
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Prompt List
Hello friends! In honor of me hitting 3k a couple of days ago, I’ve decided to do some drabbles! Below is a list of prompts that YOU can choose from! Once you’ve figured out what prompt/quote you want, come pop it in my ask!
The characters you can choose from are Bucky (40′s if you’d like), Lance, Seb (obvi), and Blaine (from Hot Tub Time Machine + I’ll try my very best!) (and maybe Jefferson, Chris Beck, TJ Hammond and Carter Baizen).
Oh! Also the “______” in some of the quotes are blanks meaning whichever character you choose, their name will go there. For example, if you choose #7 with Lance it would be: “Lance, no.” “Lance, YES.”
Alright, let’s get this show on the road!
1. “Please don’t leave me.”
2. “Grab my ass one more time and see what happens.”
3. “This is me. I am the eye of the storm and my heart is a little broken but if you want me, I’m yours.”
4. “You’re with him till the end of the line but what about me?”
5. “The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay Safe. Eat cake.”
6. “Y/N no.” + “Y/N yes.”
7. “______, no.” + “______, YES.”
8. “Are you eating again?”
9. “What are you doing?” + “Trying to use my telekinesis to bring the remote to me.”
10. “You dare insult me mortal?”
11. “What is life without a little risk?”
12. “I don’t think this was a good idea.” + “This was your idea.”
13. “I’m feeling as fresh as freshly baked toast.”
14. “The last time I was someone’s type, I was donating blood.”
15. “Women are always stealing my shirts.”
16. “You’re a flawless piece of shit.”
17. “You’re a babe.”
18. “Do you still like me?” + “We’re married.”
19. “You run your heart like a hotel - you’ve always got people checking in and checking out.”
20. “We’re falling apart.” + “Because you’re not trying!”
21. “I like you, you squid!”
22. “It frustrates me how much I love you and you don’t know. But, I like being frustrated. I don’t mind being frustrated if it’s because of you.”
23. “I know there are pretty girls at this school but none of them are as beautiful as you, darlin’.”
24. “I’m straight up lovable.”
25. “I thought you loved me, not him.”
26. “You’re hot when you’re jealous.”
27. “You like riding things? Ride me.”
28. “I didn’t understand a word you just said. I don’t speak French.” + “I wasn’t speaking French.”
29. “I’m not supposed to laugh, right?”
30. “I’m so tired of being lonely.”
31. “Eat me.”
32. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”
33. “Are you drunk?”
34. “You look just like my girlfriend!” + “Oh shit, you are my girlfriend.”
35. “You know I’m not gonna fall asleep until you make out with me.”
36. “My penis is bigger than yours.” + “You don’t have a penis.”
37. “Sometimes I wonder if you’re actually human.”
38. “Our relationship is canceled until further notice.”
39. “You’re so wrong.” + “So wrong, I’m right.”
40. “Who said you could be friends with my mom?” + “Your mom.”
41. “Why am I dating you.”
42. “This is pretty good.” + “That’s our baby’s food.”
43. “I’m forrealsies this time.” + “I can’t believe you just said forrealsies.”
44. “I know I say I love you but I love you.”
45. “Stop kissing me! You’re spreading your gross germs!”
46. “We really need to stop watching Criminal Minds at two in the morning.”
47. “I don’t get jealous.”
48. “Can I sit here?” + “You can sit on my face.”
49. “Why should I trust you?”
50. “Are you flirting with me?” + “Oh my god I’ve been flirting with you for the past two years.”
51. “You deserve better.”
52. “When were you gonna tell me that you’re pregnant?”
53. “If I had that face, I’d cry too.”
54. “So… about that blowjob.”
55. “How the hell did you end up in jail?” + “It’s a long story.”
56. “Do you ever look at yourself in the mirror and go ‘wow, I’m so beautiful’ because same.”
57. “Calm down all I did was break his nose.”
58. “Why are you so clingy?”
59. “I just wanna.. touch.. your boobs.”
60. “Touch me.”
61. “Don’t fucking try me, I’ll whip my Harry Potter wand out on you.”
62. “I just really love you, okay?”
63. “You better not be friend-zoning me.”
64. “All I’m asking is for you to love me back, is that so hard?”
65. “Did you just squeeze my ass?” + “Yeah, it was really firm.”
66. “You look good enough to eat.”
67. “Why don’t you like me?”
68. “Oh my god you cheated, didn’t you?”
69. “No don’t go in there!” + “Why is there a puppy in the closet?”
70. “I’m feeling really attacked right now.”
71. “You’re a big ball of happiness mixed with cute things and sprinkles.”
72. “Marry me.”
73. “So this is it? You’re just leaving?”
74. “So between me and James Franco, who would you choose?” + “Don’t ask that, you’ll only get hurt.”
75. “You’re so goddamn beautiful.”
76. “Squids have eyes and a mouth and we have eyes and a mouth. We’re basically squids.”
77. “I love you and it hurts that you don’t love me back.”
78. “I love you so damn much and it scares me, okay?”
79. “Y/N, I have something to tell you…. I’m pregnant.” + “You’re a man, _____”
80. “I’ve never kissed anyone.” + “This is a problem.”
81. “I don’t know why I like you so much and it frustrates the hell out of me.”
82. “You’re gorgeous and captivating. Like I said, I want you.”
83. “I know I say I don’t want a relationship but you make me want to have one… with you.”
84. “I know you’ve given me your all and too, too many chances but please… give me one more chance.”
85. “So do you wanna like.. date me and stuff?”
86. “We should bang - shit, I mean hang.”
87. “You look happy and it’s killing me.”
88. “Say it again.” + “I love you.”
89. “I can’t believe you cheated.” + “It was just Mariokart.”
90. “Why wear underwear when you could wear none.”
91. “I think we got married last night.”
92. “I won’t bite… hard.”
93. “Do I make you horny baby? Do I? Do I make you randy?” + “Okay one, you need to stop watching Austin Powers and two, I am completely turned off now.”
94. “Do you really love her ______?”
95. “I can’t stop thinking about you.”
96. “Stop pushing me away and just let me love you!”
97. “Can I do your makeup?” + “Only if you make me look super hot.”
98. “Can we just cuddle until our bodies become one with the bed?”
99. “Oh my god ______ I’m so sorry I thought - I didn’t know you were doing… that.”
100. A quote of your choice.
Some of the quotes are from those of you who sent me one, others are from movies, I think tv shows, some just popped into my head and some are things my ex girlfriend told me :)
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Ever been in a relationship that continues to have this recycled atmosphere.
Iike, no matter how many “talks, heart to hearts and understandings” you go through, it’s the same ol problems being polished out every time.
But it’s a consistent never changing conversation. The same problems.
I don’t feel ... “Heard”
Everything about my essence, my being, who I am, what I enjoy & what makes me happy constantly dismissed because it isn’t “important” enough to him. It never comes close to the “bigger plan”
Therefore for him, my reality, is irrelevant.
When telling him I enjoy sharing things with him, because frankly he’s my only friend, his response is “I’m not your fucking girlfriend”
Yet I’m supposed to be excited about things that make him happy.
But this is the same man who has said that I’m a terrible excuse of a woman, called me a bitch (on a number of occasions I may add), also discredited me as a mother. My entire livelihood he’s attacked.
When we first met, I thought he was amazing. We had so much in common. Hell, we even showed up to the first date wearing the same color shirt lol I mean that was a good sign.
We moved very fast. You see, my living situation wasn’t ideal. I had just moved to Texas from Missouri I did have a job but I was sleeping on a friends couch. By that time it just seemed as I was overstaying my welcome.
So I moved in with him. Things were rocky from there. I had a vehicle, he didn’t. I helped with bills and food anything I could help with. Went through a few jobs but I never had trouble finding one. At one point I worked 2 everyday of the week and weekends sometimes.
Few months into it, I met his family friends, they all loved me. Guess I passed the test.
But then shortly, things changed. Truthfully, I had always had trust issues. So I’d find myself going through his phone and tablet and find that he’d been in contact with many of his exes and still on dating sites. He didn’t like that I went through his phone. Anyway, time went on.
One day while I was at work, I sent him a cute meme about us. He responded by basically breaking up with me, telling me he was rekindling with his ex. Then proceeds to tell me I need to find another place to live.
Of course I’m hurt, livid etc etc but not only that he told me through a text message. I had no place to go. I guess he didn’t want to be labeled an asshole so I ended up staying. Somehow being the dummy I am we continued to mess around. Then we ended up getting back together..briefly. Because he again broke up with me, talking to his ex, kicking me out yet AGAIN lol this cycle happened at least 2 or 3 more times.
So we decided after the lease was up to go our separate ways.
But then out of the blue, he brings me to his friends house and says he needs to talk to me.
He proceeds to say he wants us to move in with his friend, we split the rent 3 ways, so it’s about 250 each. Sounds great right. Anyway he then says he wants to work on us. (I’m guessing him and ex didn’t work out). And being a dummy yet again. I fell for it. I believed it.
So we move in. We’re happy for awhile. Things are great.
Things again change. He then accuses me of cheating. Making quips here and there about me cheating while at work. (I worked for cleaning companies btw with 99% of women) Then accuses me of flirting with his friend. Goes through my phone( doesn’t find shit btw). The first time he called me bitch was at this apartment. He also spent Valentines Day with his friends and drank that night. Of course he always came back and apologized. And I always forgave him. Like an idiot.
I wasn’t perfect. We had screaming matches. I gave him cold shoulders. I’m not particularly lovey dovey, but that’s just who I am as a person. I didn’t grow up in an affectionate environment. I definitely had communication problems. I had trust issues made my own mistakes but I never treated him the way he treated me.
Unbeknownst to me he’s still in contact with his ex. They still have access to one another. Then I found a notebook that was strictly about his ex. Basically about how much he loves her etc etc.
We argue pretty much every week at this point.
We fight. We fix it. We fight. We fix it.
Then boom. We find out I’m pregnant. Whew. It gets worse. The relationship and dynamic between him me and our roommate changes when our roommate ends up disrespecting my mother and me. (That’s another story for another day lol)So we end up moving into our own place.
We ended up getting a new car( I’ll add I paid $1700 down payment for it) and a little over $600 for deposit on our new place. After awhile I sell my car because of mechanical issues we just couldn’t afford to fix at the time. But it all worked out. And I’m not working any longer. Due to the pregnancy and of course Covid19.
Same ol cycle. Things were good at first. But then as expected. Things changed. He starts to resent me for not working. Bills are piling and we’re both stressed.
But let me add. When I found out I was pregnant he made a point to tell me he doesn’t want me to work. That I could depend on him. Hell take care of the bills. I trust him.
That made things worse. Hormones, and this kind of foundation. And living paycheck to paycheck.
After one of our biggest blowouts, I ended up sleeping in my car when I was 5 months pregnant at one point. He pointed out I had no leg to stand on, and he’d take me to court for our daughter. How quickly he forgot, how much I helped him when he had nothing. That we had the new car and new place solely because of me. I stayed away from the house for days.
We also got everything for our baby because of me. The crib, car seat, clothing, swings and bouncers, you know big ticket items, I had gotten. He didn’t have to pay for. Hell I didn’t pay for majority of it. Most of it was gifted. And I always followed groups on Facebook for free stuff and I always found great stuff. I’m just super thrifty okay lol if we can save big money why not. You see, I made a point to get things for the baby, for the house and for us because I wanted to take stress off him. Pretty much everything in our new place minus, our bed, dresser and table, we had because of me. Yet he always claims in anger that I contribute nothing. Also let me add groceries are my responsibility as well. And we always have food.
He just never acknowledges anything I’ve done, because in his mind it doesn’t match up to what he does.
Let me also add I have a 6 year old son from a previous relationship. He moves to Texas with me this upcoming weekend. And I’m just scared.
We’re adding children to this toxic environment and I don’t know what to do at this point.
With my being pregnant it’s been hard to find work but also adding that the Covid19 crisis is still very much prevalent right now, I don’t know my options.
I don’t have family to depend on, no friends I can stay with so I’m pretty much on my own. Per usual.
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30 “red flags” part 2
16. When they gas light you.
“Any form of gas lighting no matter how small.
Also pre-blaming you for things they know will happen because of them. He’d tell me on vacation ‘that drink is too strong you’re just going to pass out later and we won’t be able to go out and do anything,’ but in reality it was him passing out from drinking at 9pm forcing us to stay in. Or saying ‘yeah I want to see the sunrise but you’re never going to get out of bed that early,’ yet I went and saw it and he slept until 2 hours later when I finally got him up.
When I realized it, I saw he was basically trying to make me give up on doing things so he could blame me for us not doing it, even though if I held up my end he wouldn’t hold up his. Between that and making me think my emotions were invalid when he’d upset me just made for a super manipulative relationship.”
—madguins
17. When they hide their finances from you.
“For me, the very first red flag was not communicating finances [we were married]. He would ‘give me’ a certain amount to spend, but never wanted me on his bank account. I had my own, but we had agreed on joining accounts—which is why I transferred my money to his since it had better interest rates/bank/etc. I had no access to my own money. It took him 6 months and a threaten of divorce to be put on the account. And then I saw it—he had lost ALL of our money by spending it on him damn self. I couldn’t do anything—I could even put food on the table or put gas in our cars.
The second red flag was when we adopted a puppy [this was after I began a finance boot camp with him]. The puppy would cry at night. Ex had a temper. I heard him storm into the living room, open the kennel, and shake the dog yelling ‘I will fucking SHOOT you if you don’t shut the FUCK up!’ I shot out of bed, grabbed the dog, told him he would do no such thing, and left to stay with a friend.
Another one was when we were play wrestling and he pinned me down so hard my arms started going numb. I told him to get off of me and then kneed him in the back. He punched my face. I was stunned and told him ‘didn’t your mother ever teach you not to hit a woman?’ “Nope, they’re fair game and you look like you can handle your own anyways.”
The immense guilt trip I received any time I did something for myself—driving over to a friend’s place for coffee, going on a weekend trip to the beach, going to my family’s…it was ridiculous.
There were other red flags as well, but these were the top three I could think of. It wasn’t until I told my Chain of Command some of these things that they sent me to victim advocacy. I had to be told that I was a victim of abuse. We, obviously, have since divorced and I am now happily re-married to someone who believes we are partners in life. Together, we balance each other out.”
—badgerfu
18. When they have an opinion about every single thing you do and every single person you talk to.
“The first red flag is the person having an opinion about every single thing you do and every single person you talk to, like they need to be hands on in all your dealings and activities like they are your parent or some shit. Normal people don’t want to coach your life, only fucked up people do.”
—shewshoe
19. When you tell someone else about what’s happening and they react with horror.
“When I told a coworker about things she reacted with horror. That’s the thing about abusive relationships, at least in my experience. They start off great and then slowly warp into something terrible and the abused person might not know.
I didn’t even notice what was happening to me until two years in. Looking back it blows my mind that I accepted the treatment but at the time it just seemed fine.
I was working at a coffee shop and while closing one day started chatting with a new co-worker—by this point I had been isolated from all my friends and I thought it was because I was a terrible person so was cautiously trying to make a new friend. We were drinking wine while we worked and started dishing about our men and her reaction to my ‘what happened on date night this past week’ story was horror.
It got me thinking and once I knew to look, all of the other red flags showed up.
This was also the same way I found out my parents were abusive. A friend in high school saw the bruises and cuts and when I told her I got in shit for losing a toy something she was like ‘ummmm…that is not a normal reaction to that.’”
—full-of-grace
20. When they keep casually dropping passive-aggressive comments during normal conversation.
“The casual passive-aggressive comments he would drop in normal conversation. Then the comments would become more direct, then mean, and finally just cruel. And once he saw that I would accept those, well, the floodgates of abuse just burst open.”
—scaredofmyownshadow
21. When they make you feel like shit about yourself.
“The need to question everything I did and every one I liked.
The constant need to make ME question them.
None of my pre-existing friends were ‘good to me’ in her eyes.
The need for my constant undivided attention every single waking hour.
Not being able to ‘trust me’ yet doing all of the things that made me ‘untrustworthy’ i.e., taking my phone to the toilet.
Making me feel SHIT about myself. Constantly. But also making me believe she was the only one who didn’t make me feel shit.”
—i_am_gud
22. When they always expect you to take their side, no matter how unreasonable they’re being.
“Like 3 weeks in, when he randomly started arguing with someone over some stupid shit, I sided with the other person who I thought was being reasonable. The PoS got furious at me, saying ‘I expect you to be on my side.’ Aghast and pissed, I walked away ignoring him. He suddenly started playing nice and sweet again. I should have never looked back at that point because he soon turned out to be a massively manipulative, immature, emotionally abusive piece of fucking scum. Ugh.”
—KissyKillerKitty
23. When they keep breaking up with you.
“I don’t know about the first, because it was all so gradual over the course of a few years. Things were fantastic in the beginning but the shifts caught me off guard. Also I was a young adult and have moved out of home for the first time. It was my first ‘real’ relationship and I was stupid and blind.
Some highlights:
• so clingy. Had to literally spend every minute together or else it would be a fight because ‘we are drifting apart’ (because I spent an afternoon reading a book)
• telling me I wasn’t raised correctly, nit picking every little behavior, telling me that I was something he needed to ‘fix’ because I was so messed up. Using my anxiety and depression against me.
• pressuring me to do drugs.
• constant cheating accusations
• not allowed to have friends. Could only be friends his friends.
• picking fights with me over tiny things, escalating them to the point of making me cry and then ‘look how crazy you’re acting you bitch’ Fights would only end if I apologize and promise to do better. Even if I was not in the wrong. He just liked to exert that control.
• he suddenly hated my family for no reason, me visiting them resulted in such huge fights and violence that I just avoided it. Despite the fact that my family lived five minutes away.
• he was unemployed and a drug addict, but he’d get so angry with me for ‘choosing my job over him’ because I refused to skip work.
• breaking up with me constantly, instantly retracting as soon as I’d agree. Lots of sobbing and begging to change on his end. this became an every other day occurrence toward the end.
• refused condoms, no birth control because it ‘fucks with your body’ (like seriously, your cocaine addiction doesn’t though?) So yeah, obviously I got pregnant. Had no say in anything, including my child’s name. He also pressured me to do drugs while I was pregnant, but I never gave into that.
• his addiction was my fault because I couldn’t stop him. Same with the drinking. He would get blackout drunk, pick fights with me and trash the house. Things escalated to physical abuse on almost a daily basis.
• threatening to kill himself if I ever left. Eventually that graduated to threats of killing me and my son too.
There’s so much more but it’s stressful to write about even though it’s been over 8 years. I’m grateful to my son because even though he didn’t come through the best of circumstances, he gave me the strength to finally leave when he was born.”
—magnumthepi
24. When they start smothering you, even a little.
“So I once worked as a prison warden in a prison for men who had abused their s.o. During lunch breaks I used to read their court trials, the legal reasoning interest me. During one lunch break I said to a more experienced colleague –Well, from working here and reading about all these trials I’ve learnt the importance of telling my *daughter (she was in her early teens back then) to walk out after the first strike.* –No, said my colleague, you tell her to walk out when he starts to always pick her up from work. You tell her to walk out when she wants to go out with her friends and he insists on her staying at home by saying ” but honey, I had planned to make you dinner and then we can cuddle in the sofa and watch a movie. That’s where it begins. When the first strike hits she has been controlled for a long, long time.”
—Norman3
25. When they never have anything to say about any person of the opposite sex, but especially their exes.
“Two things made me uneasy and really stand out in retrospect.
He had nothing positive to say about any woman he had ever dated, or even met. All ex-girlfriends were ‘mentally ill’ and hateful. All his friend’s girlfriends/wives were mean and overbearing. He liked his mom, but no other women.
He isolated me from my friends. He kept saying how nice it was to stay in alone and kept asking me to break established plans with friends.”
—victorontonian
26. When they constantly harass you about all your friends of the opposite sex.
“Would absolutely fall apart when the idea of me drinking around women came up.
Would call me when I went out to check if I was OK.
Constantly asking what I thought about my friends who were girls.
Obviously she ended up cheating on me.”
—DAHGS
27. When they argue about every little thing.
“Expecting me to reply within a half hour and then subsequently giving me the silent treatment to ‘punish’ me for not replying. Then complain that I didn’t care enough to check in on her when she was ignoring me.
Also arguing at every little thing and then giving the silent treatment when I didn’t agree with her on something.
Expecting me to ‘accept her for who she is,’ the smoking, drinking mess of a person who was too lazy to work for her future and expected me to give her money for everything, then blaming everything that went wrong on her abusive father.
The best(?) of all, threatening suicide when I decided I had enough and was going to cut off the relationship. That was pretty traumatic too.
P.S. sorry if this isn’t completely relevant to the question.”
—GOverlord
28. When they ‘neg’ you.
“Negging. First sign of this, run away.”
—SlanginPie
29. When there’s a voice in your head telling you something is wrong.
“Not really answering the question, but after a while there was always a ‘voice’ in the back of my head telling me that what was going on was wrong. I’d just ignore it, or convince myself that it was normal almost automatically. People would tell me that she was being abusive and everything would ring vaguely true somehow but I’d just ignore it for a million reasons. Low self-esteem being one of them, feeling somehow responsible for what they did, being the another. It wasn’t until I one day realized that I was subconsciously making excuses for them in my head that I decided to get the fuck out of there, and even though I knew at that point that the relationship was not good for me, it was still the hardest decision ever.”
—picassos_left_nut
30. When their actions make you feel anything less than equal and loved.
“There are so many red flags and scenarios that could point to an abusive relationship, but it comes down to this: If your partner’s actions make you feel guilty, worthless, defensive or making excuses, or ANYTHING less than EQUAL and LOVED—you need to get out….especially if you find yourself making excuses again for why you can’t get out.”
—Matilda__Wormwood
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The struggle
Apparently there are things that I can do to get free from my torture. Im not sure what exactly but My life is like a continued subliminal message. I think there is a list of goals from years ago that i must complete. I always make a list of goals its just something that i did since i can remember. it became a habit it helped me stay focus at times i would use a list of goals to escape reality and imagine . There nothing wrong with a 17 or 18 year old boy shooting for the stars. But i dont think i should be tortured for setting goals that generally take people there entire life to achieve , that was something i did to keep myself driven rather i obtained it or not i programed myself to keep my motor running so even if i accomplish a small goal then ill never settle and get content. As long as youre chasing something then you will always have a reason to grind. I have a chip on my shoulder i know noone thinks i can achieve most things that i desire but its not about them its about me. I hate to be doubted i enjoy proving people wrong. But as far as what i personally write down thats between me myself and god. That not for anyone else , the torture deprives you of having a personal relationship with yourself. I think i can obtain a certain amount of money to be free but being 21 years old living with my mom and no car. Life is forcing me to grow up and how can you exceed under these conditions. Life is hard as is but everyone you know being able to read your thoughts and see your actions multiple personalities giving you signs not knowing whos trying to help you or whos trying to hurt you .... trust me they will force your family to advise you wrongly. Electronicaly they will harras you they will make your card decline when you having money in your account they will torture using social media netflix vedio games .......How can you get anything done??? Mental toughness is a must. Im under the impression that you can get free by doing some gay shit , not gonna happen ... Or maybe i can get free by Having sex with someone ugly and or Fat. Im not sure some of these things may be a set up to make my conditions worser. Oh yeah im pretty sure i can get free by getting someone pregnant but in my opinion thats simply just not a good choice due too my life conditions .... basically they are trying to force me to do a bunch things that i wouldnt and its weird and unreasonable I dont feel i deserve any of this. Oh yeah and i think like females get points or paid when i look at there butt or if i think they are cute or like any positive thoughts about there apperance Im under the impression that they will get paid or get points if i have sex, or approach them in any kind of way. I think my evil ex is out to make me have a baby and is like paying or bribing females large amounts of money. I dont want any kids at this moment in my life. Ive been extremely lonesome and i really want people to talk to that cant read my thoughts or see my actions i want genuine relationships with people i want people to be real actually get to know me grow a bond with me rather if it is a relationship or not. There is a piece of me that wants to have a girlfriend but there is also a piece of me that want to figure out what i like in women. My variety in taste varies im not the kind of guy that is 1 dimensional, i like women of every race as far as lust and attraction. I don't know how to explain it but i like what i like when i like it. I feel like the attribute that i am mostly attracted to is the way a woman carries herself more than that i love being able to communicate and also being able to learn from someone that i could also teach or help. I mean we all have desires im not really sure but thats why i want to live more so i can experience more. there are some things that i may like but i dont know that i like because i havent encountered a woman that will show me. I want more experience with dealing with women and people in general. The crazy ex was my first love and because of that i dont really seek for love or havent really ill be honest im afraid of getting attached so i wanna learn more about me i dont want to be tide down to one girl unless she made me feel that way. How a female acts and how she makes me feel when I'm alone with her will determine our future. I dont ever want to fall in love with a thot or even be serious with a women with no morals. I dont have a problem with thots .... Im down to have fun ( ill fuck a thot with no hesitation) but as far as me building a bond for the future (relationship terms) I gotta set a standard for myself. Sometimes people fall in love with the presence of someone while they are blind to who they really are. If a women wants me to be with her, i need to know that she respects herself and that shes loyal. Ive never cheated on anyone so its only fair that if im going to be willing to curve someone , i need the girl that im in a relationship with to have the same energy when i say im serious about an individual then i mean it. My reputation reflects that. I dont see myself being in a relationship anytime soon but once i gain more experience figure myself out then ill set out for a women but i wanna be sure. Right now im young only 21 years old i just want to kick it. I dont want a bunch of people spying on my life and judging me. I just want the torture to be over with i want to have fun and enjoy life . I dont want to change who i am for anyone i want to be around people who will except me for me I want to be able to change my mind i dont want to be mentaly enslaved. I wonder who was this punishment meant for and are they running around freely happily living life while im forced to go through things i dont deserve. I know alotta people had to betray me for me to get in this position . If they had plans of killing me they might as well let me live a happy life .... its not like i deserve to die as it is. Ive been praying and i truly think there is way i can overcome this i just have to remain faithful to god and be strong. Its possible that if i get a car and find my own place that i could possibly get free. I dont know for sure im trying to figure it out . My evil ex wants me to marry her i think thats a way to get free as well but i dont think i would ever do that i have my reasons ... more than enough . she continues to torture me everyday for years i guess she wanted me dead she really is obsessed with torturing me. Theres really nothing i can do so i try not to think about how my ex and all my friends betrayed me. Ive talked to god about all of them and i let go of all that anger .... i still dont trust any of them i as i shouldnt they are responsible for what im going through if i act like they are worthy of my trust that would be dumbest shit in the world. They know if it were vise versa i would have never did anything of this nature im not perfect but im loyal. Real niggas are at a All time low ... if i come accross a Real women there is no doubt that ill be a real nigga to her. I know nowadays everybody faking like they real I truly believe fake bitches deserve fake niggas. You reap what you sow .... most females got like 3 or 4 niggas on they line until youre willing to focus on 1 how can you exspect 1 to focus on only you?? Ill have more respect for a female that lets you know they not serious rather than faking like they real you cant be a wifey type and a booty call option for multiple niggas either you a real bitch or you aint. Like i said before i aint got no problem with thots just dont be acting like you cuffable .... you may be cuffable , just not cuffable to a real nigga thats loyal. Im the kind of boyfriend that is committed i put myself under pressure 24/7 im not saying im perfect but as far effort goes im going to always give my all. Im down to build with someone , i may not always be able to ball how i want but im most definately gone go hard for my shordie. I see females be in relationship with niggas that over use them im the type that feels bad when i need help from my shordie i develope a husband mentality i feel good being able to provide. I also have time periods where i may be doing bad and ill seek for help but deep down im telling myself that i have to repay / or surprise my significant other 10 times better just to show them that i apprieciate having someone there for me. I love it when someone shows me that they care about what im going through even if its in a small way. Im the kind of dude that like to dress up match colors and shit , take pictures and capture moments . Im from chicago so the power couple movement is highly desired. Privacy is a must though i really dont like everybody in my relationship. I like to fuck alot especially if im in love. I like to chill and id say im more of a on the phone kind of person but not always sometime i prefer texting. I like nudes but im more of the kind of dude that wanna see selfies and your outfits and shit i wanna feel like youre dressing up for me. I cant be in a relationship with somebody that doesnt suck dick , im not saying i wont get involved but its damn near a must on some long term shit. Even though i dont want a relationship they are more suitable for me because i like to eat pussy and im not finna just be eating anybody pussy i typically eat out my bitch. Im not saying a female has to be my bitch for me eat her out but me eating out a bitch thats not my shordie is rare like the conditions either i gotta be extremely horny , or drunk or sometimes ill just do it because i wanted too 9 times out of ten she either super sexy to me or the freak in me kicked in at the right moment. But generally im not eating that mf unless i feel like that pussy belongs to me period. I like to fuck so rounds are pretty regular in a relationship. I feel like i need a friends with benefits ive been so introverted because I have no privacy and being spied on makes me uncomfortable so i havent had no pussy in a long time but this sucks cause im attracted to so many females around me when im out in the world or im at school. I hate that im being tormented and tortured i just want to be free to live a private life. I dont have intentions on playing with anybody heart but i just want to fuck women and get money like every other dude my age. In that process if i come accross someone that makes me want to cuff then ill try it out but i feel like i shouldnt have to be forced to do any of the things that they are asking.
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