#fuck it let it show up on all the damn tags lol block me and filter my url tho i don't think i'll ever post anything like this again
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WARNING FOR LONG POST THAT WON'T GO UNDER A BREAK. FLICK IT UP OR SCROLL PAST IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ A MESSY FUCKING RANT ABOUT FANDOM BEHAVIOUR, ABUSE, TRANSPHOBIA, ANTI RADICAL FEMINISM AND MORE SHIT. THIS IS NOT COHERENT.
I have two hangster fanfics started but I don't feel like finishing them especially because I just keep writing and writing and making them longer and longer and like if I ever finish either of them I won't even leave the comments open if i post them and I probably would post but yeah the last piece of shit i wrote was met with nothing but insults and animosity so im like still very angry about that. like the least horrible of the THREE assholes who decided that insulting me was something they had the right to do instead of just saying 'your tags are wrong, fix them' tried to go on about oh you leave comments open so you're open to criticism uwu and girl criticism is basically tearing someone to shreds so if i don't want your damn critiques what makes you think that I want to be insulted? where did i say that i had a degradation kink? so yeah, i have a very bad impression of this fanbase. it seems very clique-y to me and it's funny because it's a minuscule fanbase no matter what this user tried to say I'm not stupid and making a single fanfic a series to crank up the number of fics isn't as sleek as yall think it is. like you can do it i'm not judging but don't tell me 'um akshully this is a super popular shipppp' like yeah within a fandom with maybe 1000 active users maybe lol and I'm just in a I want to fucking speak up about EVERYTHING mood and I'm tired of always being shut down, lectured, insulted, and treated like shit and expected to just be 'the bigger person' motherfucker no. i am 166cm tall that's 5'6'' or some shit I don't know american, that's not very big is my point so i won't be the bigger person and ignore and delete and blah blah. WRITING IS MY HOBBY AND WHEN YOU COME FOR IT, FOR THE THING THAT HAS KEPT ME MILDLY SANE SINCE I WAS FUCKING 7, WE HAVE A PROBLEM. no, i don't care that i write like shit. it's free. i do it for free because i like to do it. it's the only way i can express myself and even there i get shut down and mocked because im mediocre in everything i fucking do, thanks for the reminder, it's not like my abuser didn't remind me of that for well over 20 years lol /sarcasm/ if you don't like someone's shitty writing, you have the option to click the fuck back and not being a massive piece of entitled shit. i don't know what's wrong with this fanbase honestly i have gotten hate before but never this fast and never to this scale on a stupid fucking fanfic that was very fucking clear for anyone who had taken the time to read it before telling an abuse survivor what abuse is and absolutely getting it fucking wrong lol i am proficient in 7 languages, and my preferred writing style is simple because i understand the value of being understood for more than one reason.
why do people think it's acceptable to be cunts to strangers online? if you wouldn't say the shit you say to people online to people in real life, THEN DON'T FUCKING SAY IT. and yes, i would say all of this here in real life and that is why I am typing it down. i'm literally a chronically depressed dysphoric motherfucker with generalised anxiety, cptsd and semi-functional autism, you think i wouldn't lash the fuck out in real life? you're wrong. i'm actually much worse in real life. i'm the sweetest fucking pie if you respect me but if you treat me like shit expect to get the dressing down of your fucking life or punched in the nose because sometimes i become non-verbal when angry and that's bad because i am reactive to abuse. and online that translates to not shutting up, in real life it translates to violence. but the thing is that in real life people are aware of dos and don'ts. online people just become their fucking regina george wet dream of a school bully.
and i've had fucking enough of being treated like shit. i've had enough of people thinking that being a cunt is cool or edgy. i've had fucking enough of the yes queen slay culture that sees women displaying disgusting, abusive behaviour and applauds it as something good. because 'socking it to the men'. i hate radical feminists for this reason and it's funny that their fascist ideology is spreading like a disease and nobody seems to notice, especially because the pipeline from radical feminist to trans exclusionary radical feminist is an archway not a pipeline. before you know it, you'll see trans masculine people and trans men as 'traitors' and 'wanting male privilege' and 'still women deep down' and 'still has a vagina so she's a woman'. and i'm not pulling this out of my ass, i watched this happening in real time more than once. god i'm so fucking angry i'm just vomiting all the shit that's been pissing me off for months. and i'm talking about this because this shit is so prevalent and commonplace that i, who have been sure that I want to go through with fully transitioning, have been reconsidering because of the insidious hateful comments from terfs/radfems and casual sympathisers with the ideology of those people and the dysphoria i've been feeling has been making me want to wear an actual literal mask outside and carry a fucking fake sword in a scabbard so that nobody will approach me. i have isolation tendencies that are very strong and have been with me since i can remember and i can remember as far back as 4 years old. and then i have to see these fuckers try to find 'articles' to support their hatred and bigotry when they are the literal reason why we fucking kill ourselves and just put up with feeling miserable and don't transition. i don't want to be even more ostracised and treated like shit. i don't want to be even more treated like i'm holding an unpinned grenade just because i don't want to put up with people who insult me and make me feel bad and react to that and fight back. i don't have self-esteem, i fucking hate myself, i feel like ripping my body to shreds every damn day and then i have to work from home the shitty jobs i can do that barely pay for my meds and definitely don't pay for therapy because being around people and too much stimuli makes me shutdown like to the point where i can't speak. So you see the issue maybe idfk that I come online to unwind and write shit as a hobby and mind my damn business and take the time to say look I have these issues and people see that list as 'oh look an easy target for my being a cunt wet dreams because this one will react and I'll seem like a saint! UWU'
and why did this have to involve this ship from top gun? well, because i liked the ship, i wanted to write for it, because writing is my hobby, and what i got was abuse lol and then gaslit into thinking it wasn't abuse and that i had to accept being called names lol 'oh there are no victims uwu i will concede that insulting you was not very nice uwu' but i didn't get a single fucking apology i had to apologise because i was triggered since i couldn't actually do anything and im always ALWAYS on my own even if i cry for help, it never comes, no matter what's fucking happening. even friends just say oh well i didn't see that so oopsie daisy sorry you felt bad and nobody defended you as as been the norm your entire life' like i'm just fucking TIRED. i'm tired of never being good enough. im tired of my friends never having my back. i'm tired of only being told oh actually you weren't wrong when it's already over and i'm already feeling like shit mentally and can't cope with the ruminating feelings of being perpetually misunderstood, mediocre, and alone. 'oh having to stand up for yourself makes you stronger uwu' fuck you a million fucking times. no it doesn't. it makes you paranoid, it makes you isolate, it makes it hard for you to maintain friendships, it makes you a loner, it makes you depressed because you're not supposed to be alone because humans are social animals. and i guess that's the bottom line lol i feel utterly and completely fucking alone. the only person i regularly see and talk to is my brother who also has cptsd and is autistic like me lol obviously we grew up in the same shitty environment and these things tend to be hereditary so yeah i have to mask even with him because he's almost 11 years younger than me and is going through that early 20s phase of your life where you're just lost and don't know what you want and feel bad and as the older sibling i feel that it's my duty to try and pretend not to feel as bad as i do but it's getting harder and harder and im not putting this under a read more break. happy fucking mental health awareness day. enjoy your nothingburger posters and yellow pins of performativity.
rant over.
#homiro said some shit#long post#text#rant#vent#anti terf#mental heatlh#fucking gonna tag it and if you don't like it feel free to prove my point#hangster#yeah that's fucking right#this is what triggered me and i haven't stopped thinking about it because it's my fucking hobby#abuse mention#actually autistic#actually cptsd#trans#fuck it let it show up on all the damn tags lol block me and filter my url tho i don't think i'll ever post anything like this again#i'm just tired of my drafts being full of unposted vents because im scared of more abuse because people online are fucking insane#and have wet dreams about being cunts to maybe cope with having been bullied in school idfk#but i wasn't a bully so why do i have to take your abuse#the answer is i don't.
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Synopsis: Your posts don’t show up in the tags and it annoys you endlessly, your boyfriend thinks you are really dumb.
Inspired by what is happening to me right now, I think the health of my stomach is way more important than my dumb stuff showing up, my brain is settled, but my body isn’t. Anyway I only choose characters that I think would “bully” you in this situation LOL. So I wrote this because my brattiness won't make me accept the situation, if this doesn't show up I'll laugh a lot btw
Slightly suggestive
Feat. Sae Itoshi, Tabito Karasu
If years ago someone told Sae that he would end up with an idiot of your caliber he would just have scoffed and told them to “fuck off”. Too bad fate had other plans for him, that’s why he finds himself in the living room, with his partner all curled up on his sofa, half-crying half-pissed off because a post of theirs doesn’t show up in the tags.
One of those posts for fictional men moreover. One of those where the reader do something romantic, if not pure smut, with a fictional man.
The idea of throwing you out of his house really tickles his brain, but your long face and teary eyes are pulling the strings of his heart and he really can’t bring himself to do it.
“Dumbass instead of crying over a fictional man shouldn’t you spend time with your real and talented boyfriend?” Annoyance drips from his voice like venom.
“I know! I’m just frustrated okay? It’s like doing good dribbles, but then always getting blocked by a defender. Easier to understand?”
It would have been if only you didn’t sob every 5 seconds, plus Sae can’t avert his eyes from the snot running down your nose making you look even more pathetic.
The gears in Sae’s brain start moving and soon his body follows, that’s how you found your nose roughly cleaned, in typical Itoshi fashion, eyes puffy, but with no tears, and Sae jacket on your shoulder.
“Why are you looking at me like a dumb fish? Move your fat ass I’m gonna take you to that new burger restaurant, I don’t take ‘no’ for an answer.”
He is already out of the door when you run to him, attracted to Sae like a moth to light.
Sae knows pretty well frustration, the pain in the stomach when things don’t work as you wish to, but he also knows best how to deal with it; by trying to fill your mind with other activities. Maybe now is the burger and how tasty it is and maybe later your mind will be filled with the taste of his tongue down your throat in the backseat of his car, all the attention on him; “rightfully so” he thinks.
He shouldn’t be jealous of fictional men, he really shouldn’t. It’s what Tabito keeps repeating to himself, but why is he!? He knows the point is that nobody can’t see what you’ve written about those guys and not that you’d rather read than spend time with him, but he’s getting livid every second that goes by. Tabito even contacted the assistence to help with your post, but nothing, it just won’t show up and he doesn’t know what’s worse: your sad face with tears staining your desk or his jealousy, anyway they are both making his heart ache.
“Why do you care so much about this! It should be a hobby, probably nobody cares about what you write anyway!” No – shit, fuck he didn’t want to be so mean.
Tabito doesn’t need to look at your face to understand that he went a bit too far. Your lips wobble ready to let out a sigh, and damn he wishes he could turn them into a smile, but he just stutters
“I’m sorry darling I was too-“ then a ding, you both turn to the light source
You look at your smartphone. Your post finally is showing up.
Screams, tears of joy, you throw yourself on Tabito, the chair he is sitting on tilting back, but not enough to make both of you fall. Fucking finally the God up there took pity on the both of you.
“I’m so happy for you”
“Really? You were pretty nasty about this before, crow boy” you sing sang, sitting now on his thighs, Tabito's pale face making you snicker.
“Will you forgive me?”
“Oh, my jealous boy…maybe if you kiss me-“
You can’t even finish the phrase that Tabito’s lips are on yours, the lips that make the butterflies in your stomach always go crazy, the lips that make you feel warm and loved like no one ever can.
“I don’t think one kiss will make me forget, I think I’ll need some more”
“Gladly” Tabito replies, voice already huskier than before.
Your sweet kisses are the only sound in the room, your post forgot, your mind only for that ass of your boyfriend
Finally
#bllk imagines#bllk x reader#blue lock imagines#blue lock x reader#sae itoshi x reader#tabito karasu x reader
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I Bet You Think About Me
Summary: You were previously in a relationship with Steve Harrington and you’re hearing the news that he’s engaged to Nancy.
Warnings/Tags: Cursing|Smoking|Implied Sex|
A/N: I know my blog is mostly for Eddie content but every time I hear this song, I think about Steve for some reason so I had to write lol. I hope you like it. -Bird
Based on: I Bet You Think About Me - Taylor Swift
3 a.m. and I'm still awake, I'll bet you're just fine
Fast asleep in your city that's better than mine
And the girl in your bed has a fine pedigree
And I'll bet your friends tell you she's better than me
I can not fucking believe you, Steve Harrington. I don’t think you even care that Tommy and Carol have been bullying me about you. They’re showing me stupid pictures of her ring that you claim you saved up for months. On a Family Video worker's salary? Give me a break. Your daddy probably was ecstatic that you were back with Nancy and paid it in full. I’m surprised everyone believes your bullshit.
Especially Nancy… That cute little A+ goody two shoes. Even when she left you for that weirdo Jonathan, you were still under her spell. You probably didn’t tell her that when you found out that they were official, you were in my bed crying. I was there to comfort you. I was such a fool to give you as much as I did, but damn I couldn’t help it.
You were so intoxicating, Harrington. Your stupid hair that fell perfectly in brown swoops on top of your head. Your chiseled brows that framed those gorgeous brown eyes. Your smile that made me melt, especially when it was wrapped around my cigarettes as you smoked out of my car window. I bet Nancy doesn’t let you smoke around her. She probably thinks it’s a disgusting habit. That priss.
Well, I tried to fit in with your upper-crust circles
Yeah, they let me sit in back when we were in love
Oh, they sit around talkin' 'bout the meaning of life
And the book that just saved 'em that I hadn't heard of
But now that we're done and it's over
I bet you couldn't believe
When you realized I'm harder to forget, than I was to leave
I tried my hardest to be as good as Nancy. I came to every single party, family gathering, and after-school hangout I could. But you and I knew that I stood out like a sore thumb. You had brand new clothes from Gap every single time I saw you. I wore hand-me-down dresses from my mom. I didn’t know how to apply makeup for shit, but you said I looked beautiful just the way I was. What a load of shit Steve.
But you know what they say, you can't help who you fall for
And you and I fell like an early spring snow
But reality crept in, you said we're too different
You laughed at my dreams, rolled your eyes at my jokes
Mr. Superior-Thinkin'
Do you have all the space that you need?
I don't have to be your shrink to know that you'll never be happy
I will never get over the day you called it quits. You gave me that whole “It’s not you, it’s me” speech. What did you expect me to do Steve? Say I understand? Say “Hey it’s okay, we can still be friends”? No you asshole. It’s not okay. You made me fall in love with you.
I knew I loved you that day you snuck up into my room. Our voices were soft and hushed because my parents were sleeping in the other room. You played my favorite song on my radio and held me in your arms. We swayed to the beat and stared into each other's eyes. You told me you loved me and you kissed me until we were on the floor, exploring my body. I just let you have it because I thought I could trust you.
block it all out
The voices so loud sayin', "Why did you let her go?"
Does it make you feel sad
That the love that you're lookin' for
Is the love that you had?
I hope Nancy gives you everything I never could. I hope she gives you those six kids and the perfect housewife personality you always wanted me to have. You’ll never get to know if we’d be good in a forever home. You guys are doomed to be exactly the same as Ted and Karen Wheeler.
Now you're out in the world, searchin' for your soul
Scared not to be hip, scared to get old
Chasing make-believe status, last time you felt free
Was when none of that shit mattered 'cause you were with me
#steve harrington#nancy wheeler#stranger things fanfic#stranger things#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington imagine#stancy#stancy x reader
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Fic asks 2, 4 wrt An Act of Trust, and 30
Thank you for the ask bestie!
2. Go to your AO3 “Works” page, to the sidebar with all the filters, and click the drop-down arrow for “Additional Tags.” What are your top 3-5 most used tags? Do you think they accurately represent your writing habits?
My top two are "alternate universe—modern setting" and "post-canon," which absolutely represent my writing habits accurately. After that, it's just a whole bunch of different tags that are all tied at two uses. To pick some highlights, I'd say the "one shot" tag and "fluff" and "angst" being right next to each other all represent me pretty well. "Christmas," however, not so much.
Honestly now that I think about it, oneshot should probably be my number one most used tag. Apparently I just forget to include it more often than not lmao.
The other two questions are under the cut :)
4. What detail in An Act of Trust are you really proud of?
Personally, I'm extremely fond of all of Vanitas and Noé's back and forth dialogue in the beginning before the stitches. Vanoé have such a specific vibe when they're snarking at each other and I think I managed to capture some of it there :).
30. Have you ever written something that was out of your comfort zone? If so, what was it, and how did it affect your approach to writing fic thereafter?
Y'know I honestly can't think of any of my published fics that are particularly out of my comfort zone. I'm fairly confident as a writer, I think. More often than not, if I have an idea, I just go for it and let whether or not I finish the damn thing be the arbiter of whether it's meant to be. Also, to be honest, a decent majority of my ideas tend to be ideas for post-canon fics or modern AUs, and as established, those are very much my wheelhouse.
However, I do have a work in progress that I'm almost certainly never going to actually post, and that one falls into the out of my comfort zone category pretty solidly.
About a year ago when I got covid and was confined to my bedroom for weeks, I ended up writing a big chunk of an mxtx crossover fic. The premise, since I was purposely being as self-indulgent as possible, is that the main couples from all three novels basically rewatch their life stories together and bond over it. And when it's each main character's turn to star, three more characters from their world show up for the ride. And it turns out, accurately characterizing eleven characters at a time in any scene is, uh, fucking hard. Just including eleven characters period in a given scene is hard enough from a blocking standpoint.
The thing turned out to be really hard to write, in other words. Also, recapping the entire plotlines of three long web novels plus reactions is an insane undertaking. I realized pretty quickly I was never gonna finish the thing.
However! I do still work on that fic. Even knowing that I'm probably never going to post more than a few excerpts, the process, though hard, is fun enough that I can't leave it to rot. Every once in a while I pick it up and add to it a bit, to the point that it's now my third longest fic at just under 9k words. (I am not a longfic girl lol).
So anyway, tldr, the lesson learned from getting out of my comfort zone is that sometimes it's worthwhile to work on things you'll never publish or finish just for your own enjoyment :).
#to be honest I sometimes think about like. sending a friend/mutual or two links to the google doc where I'm writing that crossover fic#but aside from a few small excerpts that I think are funny. that's the most publicity it's ever getting#it's for me :)#anyway thank you for the ask torterra! this was fun.#ask#torterrachampion#invasion of the frogs
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Me getting my self in some where that no Body call me LMAO, Dan in fact is bad as character and has toxic behaviors (honestly just as Spectra but damn like my job is to make fun of Spectra and call him baby girl and Choke memes), the new people in the fandom are not our responsability just as they can consume from any side of the fandom or artist that makes the confort character they love.
After all, Not everyone likes all the characters nor my favorite ship and I can co-exist with the fandom just as everyone else lol
liking a character isn't a problem at all and i get the apprehension someone might feel when they see someone criticizing or poking fun at their favorite. but in this case, with how popular dan seems to be now (he wasn't before? at least from what i can remember) and how dan stans constantly hate on runo and other fem characters...well fuck it i'm posting dan critical shit in the tag lmfao. at least my hate of him is grounded in canon and i can cite instances that annoy me, as well as show how the show and the fandom's misogynistic tendencies come out. can't say the same for some people, but maybe that's just me being mean as anon likes to put it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
i do think, at the least, we have the responsibility to tag properly, which was anon's main point. so now i'll be tagging any dan hate as #dan critical so anyone who doesn't want to see dan hate can blacklist that and focus on more positive things if they so please. that doesn't mean that i'm going to stop tagging it with the main bakugan tag though. i'd much rather there be avenues for discussion on dan's character than blind "ooooo he's so good!" and of course i want to share mean jokes because i am unfortunately a little mean and conceited.
also same, LMAO you just gotta live and let live. not everyone's gonna like dan or whatever character/ship, and people should be able to both block that out and bring up the conversation with whoever wants to talk about it. i'll talk about how i both love shun and how much i hate how the fandom talks about and characterizes him. get you a girl (gn) who can do both.
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deciding to post this to the tumblr community to comment because this has started to frustrate me to no end.
i have an ex-friend who tried to sabotage me in high school (it failed because surprise! im a nice person who minds their business 99% of the time). she has always tried to get into some kind of singing as a professional career, whether it be songwriting, musicals, whatever. problem is she has no singing talent. because of this, she has decided to use the drag community to flaunt her “singing skills” and get the attention of as many people as possible.
before i delve into why this is an issue, let me explain: she is mentally ill. she did not have a good childhood. parents were also pretty shitty. i have tried confronting her before about this with a little “hey maybe seek therapy and/or meds, im sure all of your friends will support you” and she proceeded to tell me that all of her friends left her (supposedly because of this), tried 1 (one) therapist and found they “didnt help”, are on 3 different meds (????? okay. was this to brag to me or something? cool, i guess), and she wanted to keep this “private” (after posting it to all of her instagram followers to talk about her struggles). i tried messaging again with something along the lines of “therapy takes time and you might not have the right therapist, also all of instagram doesnt make this very private now does it” and i got blocked, of course. because she doesnt listen to any negative comments and instead cuts out those people from her life. sure, whatever, you do you hun.
my issue is this; ive been told she advertises everywhere she can that she is a Cisgender, Heterosexual Woman (cool) who is also a drag queen (not as cool). i would be cool with this if she was an ally, but shes sticking her nose into somewhere she shouldnt. because of the kind and acceptive nature of the drag community (and LGBTQ+ community and general), they took her in and allowed her to perform as a drag queen. her singing is still questionable, but now she’s parading around as what my town likes to think of as their very own LGBTQ+ drag queen icon that they can also flaunt to show our town isnt homophobic or whatever.
i would have no problem with this if she was a drag king! the point of drag is to challenge gender sterotypes, is it not (correct me if im wrong, but be nice about it lol)? but shes just…. putting on some makeup and a wig and saying “okay i can perform here now”. and you know how i said my town thinks she’s pretty neat? whoever organized the pride parade this year had her LEAD THE PARADE. and my nonbinary friend, who had just undergone top surgery, went to the parade of course because why shouldnt they participate in pride? they were damn determined to go lol. so then little miss pageant or whatever strolls up to them and their siblings during the parade and goes “omg hiiiiii do you remember me???” and “thanks so much for coming!!!!” as if it was her parade or something. like no. dont thank anyone who went. this is their parade, not yours. fuck off. but i cant tell her that. no one can, because she’ll remove them from her life. all we’ve been able to do so far is watch and be entertained from afar because she wont take any direct confrontation if it isnt praising her and her “talent”.
anyway yes im angry and yes im posting this, but im not going to tag it because part of me wants it to sink into the void of tumblr and never be seen again. i have a feeling someone is going to go and flip this whole rant to make it look like im a villain or something because i didnt source facts or i misworded something, yada yada, you get it. but if someone reads this and go “yeah, i agree, what the fuck is up with that?”, then i think that would be pretty neat.
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I just did a shortish workout, listening to Pantera. Lifted the kettle bell, did some leg stretches. Decided to exercise and let out my anger frustration, rather than let it get to me and brood. It's absurd that Johnny would just block me, and make a post about how he thought I was calling out Sam on social media. Does the fool not realize that he was doing the same thing? Obviously not. That's how oblivious he is. I cried some tears earlier, because I was worried that Johnny would essentially slander my name, and maybe prevent the rest of the guys from ever wanting to talk to me. Then I realized, any actual adult would not give a fuck. Like Phil Anselmo said, "A punk like that is just piss in the wind". Nothing. Fucking nothing.
Honestly, thinking about it all now, it's pretty cringe for Johnny to come to the defense of Sam, when he doesn't even know the whole story. To even imply that I am ungrateful, and demanding is stupid. What's wrong with telling my side of the story? What's wrong with voicing how I feel? The moment that I point out someone is fallible, that makes me the bad guy? No. He's wrong. And stupid. So fucking stupid. How much of a fan boy can you be? I guess his wife really was right in that the guys are only nice to him because he tags them all the time online, and buys all their stuff. What a moron. There's people online that are so quick to call anything parasocial. Everything is a parasocial relationship now-a-days since people on reddit learned what that term was. But what John has in his mind, really is a parasocial relationship with the band. It's absurd! They're regular people, like you and me!
It's so stupid to me. Like, do I have to point out every single thing I do, to prove that I give a fuck about them? Do I have to make a social media post every damn day licking their ass and making sure their gooch is clean? mmm, salty. lol
How many people meet a band once and then claim that they're friends? How many times does a person like John or Gen have to go to one of these shows, buy all these peoples' stuff, in order to gain their "friendship"? Shit, that's parasocial in itself, despite being real life! You don't have to be on the internet to have a parasocial thing, it can be physical too. Face to face in real life. I remember at the last show, seeing Gen ask all the members for their autograph on the poster she bought. I thought to myself, "If these people are your friends, why would you have them sign your stuff?" That was one of the reasons I didn't buy anything, lol. Granted, at the end of the first show, I didn't bring my purse with me in time to the merch table before it was all packed up lol. Still, why would I ask my friend for their autograph, if I wasn't going to sell it on ebay or something like that? It's stupid to me.
I'm over it now. I'm glad that I blogged and exercised. I took a couple anxiety meds to calm down too. I had this anxiousness that could have escalated into a panic attack. I don't want something as lame as this to get to me mentally, you know? John is old, fat, and stupid. I'll outlive him, naturally. So there's nothing to even care about. I'm going to keep doing my own thing, and he can shit and fart about all the dumb shit that he can. It makes no difference to me.
I just hope, my only serious thing, that it doesn't prevent any possibility of giving my number to LB. Before all this, I had the idea to message a friend, to give it to him. Now, I don't know. If I do, I'm going to have to wait some more. Give it some more time. Unless, hopefully, there is going to be another show soon where I can just go do that there. That probably sounds parasocial of me! I swear it's not...my god there was a girl talking to Coleman and I saw that she gave him her number. I wanted to do the same thing for LB! But shy shell me just couldn't do that. Maybe for now, it's for the best.
I've been hoping that maybe, just maybe, he'll reach out to me, and maybe ask for my number. If I end up doing so, I figure that I'll just use the book I gave as an excuse. Like, "Hey, yeah, here's my number. Let me know what you think of the book!" Though my reptile brain tells me he probably wouldn't do that. No guy I've ever given my number to ever does that. Ah!
I hate giving in to internet drama. Yet, at the same time, I don't want to any perceptions, as blatantly erroneous as they may be, to cloud my chances of...anything. So I'm going to leave my post up for a while, then maybe post some things about my channel later. I'm going to cut out the personal stuff. I don't want to put that out anymore. God forbid this happens again, and someone decides to say that all the bad things that happened to me last year were my own fault; or that I deserved it. That's the thing that gave me the most anxiety earlier. I was afraid that John was going to say that in the comments of his post... that perhaps all the things I was sad about were partially my own doing. So far...no. At least, on the website where I can look at the post without logging in...no, he doesn't seem to say that. Though, should I really care? These people don't really know me. If he did, then he wouldn't have gotten offended by what I said.
All I said in my private story was that I have no idea why Sam hadn't talked to me. Not my problem anymore though. I saw some things he did that made me question his character though. But it wasn't my problem. And that's it. I'm keeping it vague because I don't want one of them to find this blog. Though, I doubt they will.
Anyway, if they somehow see this, why would it matter what I think? A real adult would be able to see my thoughts, then move on with their life. What's the point in getting frustrated over what I said? What's the most absurd part to me, is how he didn't even bother to talk to me about it? What's the point of that? You see my post then immediately block me...and then make a call out post of your own talking about how calling out people is wrong. Where is the logic in that?
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JJK Characters x You on a date
notes : I tried including Gojo's love for Digimon since I also grew up watching Digimon and loving the anime with all of my heart, also because Gojo's seiyuu, both Japanese and English versions, voiced for characters in Digimon, so I wanna pay homage to the both of them. other than that, I also included my love for arts and history, something I tried to incorporate into my writing, just to make it like.. lilith's style, ya know?
extra notes : also I wrote megumi for Elli, just because haha.
warnings : slight cussing. not proofread lol. other than that, none. 100% fluff!
characters : gojo satoru, fushiguro megumi, kugisaki nobara, nanami kento, itadori yuji.
Gojo Satoru - Arcades, vintage shops, especially collectors, especially Digimon, comic book/manga stores.
[Your name]! [Your name!]! Look, look! It's the Digimon Adventure V-Tamer 01 series! All 9 of them! Let's get in!"
"Ahh hold on. Towu! We're supposed to visit the cat cafe, you promised that you would go with me and take pictures with the cat hairband on! And I'm starving!"
You jokingly scowled at him, tapping your Doc Martens feet on the ground, arms folding.
"Fucking adorable. Let me see if I can tease her more, hah." A smirk soon appeared on this blue-eyed darling of yours.
"Let me get the manga and I promise, I'll go to this cat cafe with you, baby. Hm?"
"Oh alright."
"I love you, sweetheart. I know how much you wanted to go there but the manga. I- ahaaaa"
He started pouting as he kept pointing in the direction of the Digimon manga by the window. You quickly opened your camera, taking pictures of him sulking, emitting a soft giggle that actually made his heart squeezed with joy.
He presses his lips against your forehead, thumb circling your cheek, gently squishing them before opening the door, yanking you into the comic book store with him. You vowed to hide the comic books once he goes on a mission. After all, he made you wait a month before the two of you finally get to go to this cafe you always wanted to visit.
"Baby, I can read what you're thinking. Your face shows it too. Hehe. Watch me hide your panties."
Taking in a few gulps of air to deepen your breath, you opened your eyes, to meet the love of your life's own eyes, snickering at you, his large hands on the crown of your head before ruffling your already messy hair. There is no way you can stay mad at this man, as childish as he is, you know he loves you and deep down? He knows you love him too.
Itadori Yuji - Thrift stores, internet cafes to play online games with you, cinemas.
"Candy! [Your name] love! Don't! Make! Me! Ahhh cover up for me! I am gonna lose! I am gonna-"
He turns around to face you with soft eyes, his eyebrows slightly droopy before looking back at the computer, taking in the seconds in his head to register the fact that he lost in his mission with you in Inferno.
"Awww sorry babe. I mean.. you just started playing CSGO, so tell me, why- again- damn it- you wanna- AH. Damn it! Throw the fucking grenade! I mean why you wanna play this game, you need more practice- FUCK YOU."
Gentle chuckles were heard, emitted from his throat, his soft, peach toned lips landed on your cheek repeatedly as he rubbed soothing circles around your back.
"Breathe, bunny baby. You're so feisty whenever you start having online matches. Breathe. I love you, and I don't want you to get your blood pressure rising because of these dumbos, hm?"
Your lips curl into a faint and appreciative smile, nodding while your eyes are glued to the screen, ignoring the fading laughs and snickers from the people acknowledging your mini rage.
"I love you too. If I win, I'm getting us boba and chicken nuggets. So let me fight them, okie?"
"Yes ma'am!"
Megumi - Museums, art galleries, photo exhibitions, aesthetic cafes.
"Oh Gumi bear, look at that! That is the Raft of Medusa, it was done by Thèodore Géricault, he himself interviewed two survivors from the shipwreck."
He looks over your eyes that shine with excitement and pure happiness.
"Art"
Was what he thought every time he laid his sight onto you. God knows that he falls in love with you every single time he is blessed with your presence. Resting his arm around your waist, pulling you closer, inhaling the scent of mixed berries and wild roses, he swore he heard his heartbeat increasing every two seconds in a span of one minute.
"Oh really? What do you think this painting is all about?"
Glancing at him before returning to the painting, you puffed your cheeks, pressing your lips together with your index finger curled on your chin and your thumb under it.
"Lord, she is so cute whenever she does that. Can I kiss her? Should I? No wait, she's trying to tell me her own interpretation of this painting. To me. Oh wow. I'm gonna kiss her... later. I can't interrupt her." That is all he could think of. You. He is deeply, madly, beautifully in love with you.
"In my opinion, it tells me the ways of how men, or human beings, seek out in order to survive. When we are at the brink of desperation, insanity, happiness, greed, lust, desire, wrath, grief, don't we all do things unimaginable to help us go through the day? They even resolved to cannibalism. I think even I would commit to that if I was in an extremely dire situation."
You looked at him, a wide smile on your face, emitting a soft giggle that entered his right ear and stayed within the chambers of his mind. He closed the spaces between the both of you, sealing his lips onto yours, with the intention of making this very moment last a little longer heavy within his heart.
"Art."
Was what you thought of him.
Nanami Kento - Theatres, historical museums, fine dining restaurants.
You squealed, lightly clapping your hands as you ran to a block of marble, your foot tapping against the floor. He chuckles, hands in his pocket, taking fast strides towards you.
"Namnam! Look look! That's the Parthenon Sculptures! It was founded in hm... Athens, yes! If I am not mistaken, around 438 to 432 BC. These sculptures decorated the insides of the Parthenon, it is a temple located at the fortress of the Athenian Acropolis. It is said that this temple was built to appreciate and worship the Goddess Athena, she was the deity worship in Athens. Also, ah ah! Did you know that the word parthénos means "maiden", "girl" or ‘virgin"? And I-"
You look at him, your magnificent lover wearing a dark brown trench coat, with ecru brown trousers and a black turtleneck tucked in, his neck layered with white gold necklaces. Your hand unconsciously scratches your sideburns, giggling at the side of his stoic expression, eyes piercing yours beneath that yellow-green glasses he constantly has on his chiseled face.
"Oh... I am sorry... I didn't mean to bore you. I was just so excited because you know me! I love anything that is related to ancient greek history and mythology. I can't seem to get enough of it and it is absolut-
"I'm not bored, [your name]. I was just paying attention to every single word that pretty lips of yours uttered. It's magnificent that you knew all of this. It shows just how smart, curious, bright your mind and soul is. And darling?"
"Huh?"
"I am lucky to be blessed with someone like you. With Gojo constantly following me, there is no way I can read the books I bought for myself. However, having you around, breaking the ice with your random history tib bits, I feel like I am reading the pages, savouring each word, alphabet, sentence, thus expanding my quest and love for knowledge."
You looked down. Normally, you're not the type to tear up this easily but seeing how this man, this angel of a man, appreciates the little things you loved and adored, you can't help but let the waterworks out. You lifted your head up to meet his gaze, the tip of your nose slightly stuffy. You grabbed his arms, clinging onto him, the difference of height and size makes it sweet to the eyes of strangers surrounding you both.
"Oh Namnam. Thank you so much. This means the world to me. Shall we... go and see the best of Ramesses the Great? I've loads to tell you!"
Nobara - Shopping malls, ferry rides, beach dates, parks with cherry blossoms.
"Baby... tell me, have you ever seen anything as joyous as the ocean?"
You two stood by the seashore, fingers intertwined, your head resting on her shoulders, the sound of the seas splashing against the rocks and the warmth around your foot, it tingled but it feels good at the same time.
"I don't want this moment to end, [your name]."
"Why is that, pretty one?"
A faint sigh leaves her lips, you feeling her body loosen up.
"I just.. school is sort of stressful so my time spent with you liberates me from the pressure, fatigue, and image of curses embedded in my brain. Walking with you... through this airy womb of skies and clouds, don't you know it makes me happy?"
You leaned closer, pressing a soft peck on her cheeks, earning yourself a pair of scarlet cheeks with a gorgeous smile from the one next to you. You turned yourself to face her, hands on her shoulders, bringing her body closer to yours.
"Whenever and wherever you need me, I will be there. I might not be perfect, but I am gonna do my best to be the one you can always count on."
You pressed a kiss on her left cheek.
"I love you."
A kiss on her right cheek.
"I love you."
A kiss to the lips of the woman whom you shared your entire universe with.
"To the moon and back, I love you, Kugisaki Nobara."
The end.
tags : @tojisveryown @sookyshima @megumifushi @sixeyesgojo @sirthisisa-wendys @sasso-oda @fushigurocockslut @nkogneatho @kotarousgf @noritoshiikamo
#jujutsu sorcerer#jujutsu kaisen#gojo satoru#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#nobara kugisaki#kento nanami#gojo x reader#gojo fluff#nanami x you#nanami fluff#yuji x y/n#nobara x y/n#megumi x y/n#jujutsu kaisen headcanons#jjk x you#gojo headcanons#jujutsu kaisen x you#nanami headcanons#yuji headcanons#megumi headcanons#nobara headcanons
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Off to the Races | AU: Gangsters/Casino | Russel Adler x fem!reader
Summary: You were born for the stage. A natural dancer with all of your youth used for experience, you now find yourself as a showgirl in one of Vegas' top casinos, the SunDowner. Owned by, Russell Adler, a notorious gangster in the underworld who remains undercover to the public eye, business is booming. Doubly so when a mysterious promotion comes your way, launching you to the top stage...
Just when you thought your life couldn't get more interesting, just how crazy will things get when the old gangster handpicks you from one crazy life to another, to keep for himself?
Tags: Gangster Au, age difference
Warnings: This fic has no explicit smut or anything, but WILL contain some overtly sexual themes and suggestive content, strong language, and age difference bc y'all know me 😪 So reader beware!
Y'all thought I was joking with this post huh lol
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
You’d be surprised how much that little mantra has gotten you through.
Tonight, it comes in handy once more.
You scurry into place on stage, surrounded by an array of women around your age in exactly similar costumes. Glittering, skin tight leotards, sky high heels to pop out some ass, sheer mesh sections to show a little skin, and long, billowing feather accents mounted on your back and head for God knows what.
It’s your first night doing a showgirl routine at the infamous SunDowner casino, right here in shiny, shimmering Sin City itself. You’re one of three acts going on at the same time, all on different floors of the building. Your performance is taking place in the middle floor stage where the least amount of people are likely to see you, just in case you turn out to be a waste of a contract.
You take a look around you. The other women seem so confident… That, or they’re damn good at pretending. Makes sense, you think to yourself, everyone and their mother is a damn actor in this town. It’s all an act... When Shakespeare said “All the world’s a stage”, you doubt this is what he had in mind.
Suddenly, the loudspeaker booms, announcing the start of the show. The lights power on over head, blindingly bright as some oldie style song starts up. Something for the oldsters, no doubt. But then again… aren’t you too?
The curtains shoot to the side on the beat and you can feel yourself pulled into auto pilot. You’ve practiced this dance so many times, it’s like second nature by now. So you dance. You parade around, covered in glitter and somehow managing to not break your neck in these heels while you strut around and roll your hips and shake your ass for some drunk old men with all fourteen of the other women beside you doing exactly the same thing.
And while you preform... Somewhere, way way up on the top floor, Russell Adler, owner of this whole joint and a couple city blocks to boot, returns to his office after taking a walk through the gambling pits. He’s caught two hustlers tonight alone, both of which were dealt with… severely.
The Sundowner doesn’t take kindly to thieves, and neither does he.
He dips into a side room within the office space behind a covertly placed door into a soundproof room. Adler switches on the lights and takes a seat in front of a huge stack of tv monitors. He pours himself a glass of whiskey, and watches the live feed from his many surveillance cameras. These are to keep an eye on his dealers and pit bosses rather than the customers, contrary to what most may think.
Can’t be too careful in this line of business, after all.
The room is silent except for the rhythmic tapping of his fingers on the large oak desk. He’s not one for glitz and garish glamour, but he is never without his four favorite rings.
They adorn his right hand, all made of polished platinum. Three are made in the shape of a thin, wound coil with some decorative knurling along the surface in a trapezoidal pattern, getting slightly thicker in size right up to the crown piece on his index finger. The largest ring features the hissing head of a viper with inset eyes made of two black diamonds.
Each ring is easily worth several thousand dollars, and not even close to the most expensive item on his person tonight, let alone in his wardrobe.
His eyes shift from left to right, scanning each screen quickly and judiciously as he taps and sips. For a moment, he lands on the showgirl performance. The quality of entertainment and the establishment itself is every bit as important as making sure everyone else stays in line and on their side of the house rules.
Adler checks the camera marker and notes that these are the new hires. Whatever he sees, he’ll make sure to cut them some slack.
Some.
One girl stumbles a bit, right there on stage. She’s out. Another girl brushes against the one beside her. Out. Then, towards the finale, two girls jump out of sync with the rest. He shakes his head and sighs. Where the fuck are his people getting these girls from?
He takes note of the ones he wants gone, then manages to swallow his frustration and watch the wrap up. Things end to light applause and before the curtain closes he taps a key on his board of switches to pause the feed. He counts up the dancers and take notes of each girl personally.
You know… Throughout that entire shit show, if memory serves, there was only one girl who hit all the marks.
Adler rewinds the feed and focuses on you in particular. He follows your every step and leap. Watching every move, studying every turn…
He was right. Perfect, throughout the whole routine. He reaches for his red phone and calls up the man in charge of the girl shows.
“Who’s the one in position seven, middle stage show?”
There’s a moment of silence and a rustling of paper before the other man replies with your full name, a little bit of your credentials, and the date of your hiring. “Something wrong sir?”
“Yes, send positions three, ten, eight, and twelve home. We have standards, for God’s sake”
“Of course sir-”
“And as for seven… I want her performing top stage next time”
More silence, and then a tentative, “...Yes sir”
Adler clicks the phone into the receiver and takes the last sip of his drink. Hmp, lucky number seven… His gaze lingers on you and your supple body only a moment longer. He swipes his tongue over his bottom lip... then goes back to the rest of his cameras.
He’ll be interested to see if you can rise to the task he’s gifted to you.
When the last of your shows ends, you and the rest of the girls head back to the dressing room one more time tonight to get changed out of these contraptions they have you wearing. A stern looking man bursts into the room unannounced, he calls out four girls and sends them packing with no explanation given. His beady eyes scan the room and land on you, nearly giving you a heart attack as you brace to be cut as well.
“And you, seven… You’re performing in the VIP lounge next week. Don’t fuck this up”
And just like that, he leaves as quickly as he came, slamming the door behind him. The other girls turn to congratulate you, some bitterly, while you’re left reeling.
Playing the top floor, the “VIP lounge” is… huge.
Some girls perform here their whole lives and never get to see it. You’ve even heard that they hire foreign professionals, just to meet up to their standards. Up there you can make tips on top of your salary. Well, only for... private dances or pole shows, but still…
You go home that night wondering how such a thing is even possible, but soon decide to shake it off. Who cares how, all that matters is that the chance has come.
And you plan to rise to the occasion.
You spend your next two days off practicing and limbering up both with the other VIP dancers and on your own. Most of the women keep to themselves and you can tell they’re a bit resentful of your presence.
There’s no question about it, you’re the youngest one here and by default the least experienced. What gives you the right to be instantly promoted like that? If only you yourself knew.
Regardless, your first performance on the top floor is here before you know it. And things go… Fairly well, to be honest.
The routine is complex, but you can tell it’s been slowed down to give you a chance. The stage is bigger, the makeup more colorful, the costumes more revealing, and the lights brighter, and yet... you feel right at home. The nervousness has worn off by now and you’re a rising star on the stage.
After a few nights of proving yourself, you’re even hired for some private dances and given a chance on the pole.
The cash pool you take home gets bigger and bigger every night, and so does your audience.
But, for all the eyes on you, there’s one strange pair that bothers you the most…
You’re working a routine with the other girls tonight. The leading girl is out with a sprained ankle, so tonight you were given the honor to dance as the Primadona, front and center on the stage. You twirl and strut up to the front, the women behind you backing you up and mirroring your moves. They continue to spin and clear space in a geometric formation to give you room as you perform the finishing stunt.
With a deep breath of air, you perform an impressive high kick on the crescendo beat that transitions into a backwards somersault and ends in a split at center stage.
A roar of applause and whistles comes from the crowd of wealthy men and women watching you.
All except one.
You lock eyes with a lone gentleman sitting front and center at a round booth table in the dimly lit room. He takes a long drag on his cigarette and even behind his dark aviators you can feel his eyes on you. As though to confirm your suspicions, he lowers the glasses to the bridge of his nose, exhaling a plume of smoke as he stares directly into your irises.
He brings his cigarette back for another hit, the small flame highlighting a horrible looking scar that goes the length of his cheek, and as the curtain falls, his creased, glowing blue eyes are the last you see of him.
The truth is… Adler’s had his eyes on you ever since that first night on the cameras. Tonight, he came down just to see your show in person. You’re just as good as you are on camera. Perhaps, even better.
No... definitely better.
He’s been reviewing your track record as of late. You took ballet lessons ever since you were just four years old. Won several awards for dances and even some state level beauty pageants. Joined the dance club at your highschool and got a scholarship from it to put you through college. You’re trained classically, but it would appear the only jobs you’ve ever gotten are clubs, bars, and casinos just like this one.
Adler smirks to himself, thinking of your pretty young face as he takes another drag. Maybe you're not as innocent as you seem.
He can work with that...
#SFJKSJSLJ I CAN'T BELIVE I'M DOING THIS 😭😭#SOMEONE COME GET ME#don't read this y'all lmao#black ops cold war#call of duty#russell adler#russell adler x reader#gangster au
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your tiktok drafts getting leaked. ateez.
── summary. here’s some of your drafts that got posted after your tiktok account was hacked.
── warnings. suggestive stuff, alludes to sex, cussing, mention of toxic fans and antis, spitting kink i guess but just briefly, fem!reader
── developers note. this was inspired by venuswrld who had done this with her characters and i thought it would be fun to do it. also @sansbun the inspiration of one of the san ones lol.
── tag list. @chrryhwa
KIM HONGJOONG.
draft one.
you and hongjoong are sitting on your bed, filming in front of your small body length mirror. it then pans down to show a bunch of paints before a piece of text appears in front of the supplies.
“we got bored so guess who is letting their boyfriend paint their back!! yay..”
it then cuts to show hongjoong straddling your legs as you lay down on the bed, a towel underneath you as you’re shirtless. hongjoong presses a quick kiss to your spine before he slowly starts to paint your back.
it cuts once more to show the progress hongjoong has made before cutting again and showing the final product of a bunch of sunflowers as you sit in hongjoong’s lap as he holds the camera pointed towards the mirror from the beginning.
draft two. AUDIO USED :: CAN’T HELP FALLING IN LOVE.
you were sitting in hongjoong’s studio, the camera facing you but you were looking at something in front of you. you look back at the camera and adjust it slight before a small block of texts appears as you flip the camera to reveal hongjoong sitting at his desk.
the text reads, “thank you for everything you’ve done for me. thank you for me be with you in the studio. all our dates we’ve had and for letting me listen to all your songs.”
the song keeps playing as it cuts and you are laying in bed with hongjoong’s sleeping form cuddling into you another block of text appears, “i know i can be naggy and annoying, but it’s only because i care lol. i’m glad to know you are getting sleep at least, even if you do drool all over my hoodie. but still, i wouldn’t know where i would be without.”
it cuts again to show you and hongjoong sitting on the couch, your head resting on his shoulder. hongjoong isn’t paying too much attention to you as his eyes are focused on whatever is in front of you two. a final block of texts appears, “thank you for letting me fall in love with you.”
you look up at hongjoong with a fond smile before leaning over to press a kiss to his cheek making him look at you with a smile.
PARK SEONGHWA.
draft one. AUDIO USED :: CHOKE.
you have the camera facing you, disco filter on as a block of text appears beside you, right as you point next to your head where it appears.
“bitches don’t hate me because of me. they hate me because i’m dating their seonghwa oPPar. it’s toxic atiny, toxic atiny are bitches. sorry not sorry, don’t be a dick.”
you then throw a peace sign up as you stick your tongue out.
draft two.
you currently standing in front of your phone with the greenscreen effect on, a picture of seonghwa in a turtle neck behind you.
“you see this,” you say pointing to the picture, “yeah, there’s a reason he was wearing a turtle neck during practice and it wasn’t because he was cold. just food for thought the next time he’s wearing a turtle neck.”
it then cuts and there’s a different picture behind you this time. it’s still of seonghwa but from ateez’s recent comeback during one of their fever stages.
“and you see him here? yeah, we fucked later that night because i thought he looked cute in that beret,” you said with shrug.
JEONG YUNHO.��
draft one.
“kiss,” you say without warning as you lean over the couch, face turned to look at yunho who is sitting on the couch. he turns to kiss your cheek without hesitation and you grin before running away.
“kiss,” you say again but in the kitchen this time. yunho smiles before kissing you once more and afterwards you run away like the first time.
“kiss?” it sounds like a question as you look at him with a cute expression on your face. yunho leans over to kiss your cheek, but you turn at the last second and his lips meet yours.
you’re about to runaway like the last two times before yunho stops you by wrapping his arms around your waist and pulls you to his chest. a laugh leaves you as yunho covers the side of your face in kisses.
draft two. AUDIO USED :: MOTIVATE.
yunho is wearing his suit he had just worn for his recent anews video with smirk on his face as you straddle his lap. the camera is positioned away from the two, but still captures you running your hands down chest.
he can’t help how his smirk grows when you mouth “he motive me, yeah, that’s my baby.” which causes him to kiss you as flips you onto the couch. you say something, but the video doesn’t catch it and yunho only nods before taking his blazer off and tossing it over your still recording phone.
KANG YEOSANG.
draft one.
the camera is facing yeosang who is sitting on your couch, looking down at his phone. your feet resting in his lap. you move one of your legs just enough to nudge him. when he doesn’t respond you do it again and again until he finally grabs your foot and turns to look at you.
“what?”
“do you love me?”
he gives a what the fuck face before answering, “of course. you think i would let the whole world know i’m dating you if i didn’t.”
“i know! i figured i would just check to make sure you haven’t grown tired of me!”
“i could never get tired of you,” he says and you make a weird noise before the phone is tossed the floor, but it manages to catch you throwing yourself on top of yeosang in order to kiss him.
draft two.
"yeosang asked me what would i do if he ever broke my trust,” you began, a fake smile on your face as you tried to have an innocent look as you tilted your head from side to side. “i told him if he ever broke my trust, i would break his band apart. he then asked what i meant,” you paused as a real smile takes over your fake one you had moments ago, “so i told him, ‘don’t break my trust and you won’t have to find out.’” you end it with a cute laugh.
SAN.
draft one.
“i love atiny with all my heart,” you begin to say. you’re currently leaning into san who has his arm wrapped around you. “but damn do the delusional ones get on my fucking nerves,” you deadpan causing san to choke back a laugh.
“like... i’m not gonna break up with love of my life because he’s your bias. and he’s not gonna break up with me so you can live you fifteen minutes of fanfic turned real life. because guess what? i’m the one that sucks his dick, not you.”
san can’t help but laugh behind you as he turns his head away as to not show the camera he’s laughing, but it obviously doesn’t work as the video still catches the sound of his laugh.
he turns back to you, still biting back his laugh, “god, i love you so much,” he says before kissing you.
draft two. AUDIO :: MY HEART WENT OOP.
you and san are standing in front of a mirror. the two of you dressed in your pjs as the song plays, right as the beat drops you both jump and when you land you’re wearing cute matching couples outfit.
you shake your head before the both of you jump and land wearing cool streetwear. san shakes his head this time and you jump once more before you both land wearing cute maid outfits with cat headbands on top of your heads.
you nod your head and san smiles as he watches you smack his ass before you mess with his fishnets. san turns to face you and picks you up before kissing you.
SONG MINGI.
draft one.
you’re laying in bed on your side, with a tired, unamused face as mingi is sleeping peacefully behind you. the only audio coming from the tiktok is of him snoring loudly making you frown.
you zoom in on mingi’s face catching the line of drool coming out of his mouth and you zoom out to show an expressionless face.
draft two. AUDIO USED :: WII MUSIC.
you’re sitting in mingi’s lap head leaned back on his shoulder as you look up at the ceiling. it’s obvious you’re bored as mingi works on something, a song presumably, in front of you both.
it then cuts to you now eating while still in his lap, as you occasionally feed him some of your food. he says something to you and you only nod your head taking another bite.
it cuts for a third to time to show you kissing mingi’s face and he doesn’t look phased in the slightest by your action. you then turn his head so he’s looking at you before kissing his lips as you let him go back to working, a smile on his face as he does so.
it cuts a final time to show you sitting on a couch with mingi resting his head in your lap with the text above reading, “finally got him to take a break!”
JUNG WOOYOUNG.
draft one.
you and wooyoung are looking the camera making different faces and acting cute together. you then turn to look at wooyoung, who turns to face you as well.
suddenly, you open your mouth, tongue sticking out. wooyoung smirks before he spits in your mouth and you swallow it without any hesitation as you both turn back to smile at the camera like nothing happened.
draft two.
wooyoung has his head buried in your chest with one of his hands underneath your hoodie. there’s a movie playing on the tv in front of you both, but it’s clear that wooyoung is fast asleep as you pet his hair.
some text is on the screen the whole time which read, “movie night but woo feel asleep 😞”
CHOI JONGHO.
draft one.
you were standing in an elevator filming yourself in the mirrored doors as you showed off your outfit since you were feeling cute today. some text pops up that says, “can’t wait to get snapped in half like an apple hehe 🍎”
it then cuts to show you sitting on a bed filming in front of mirror. head messed up and top on the floor as you tilt your head from side to side. another piece of text pops up above your head saying, “my thighs hurt ✨”
jongho appears behind you shirtless as he sits on the bed back facing you and showing the red lines running down his back and the text changes to say “but that’s okay i left him something as well hehe 🤪”
draft two.
you have an unamused look on your face as you begin to talk.
“i am so fucking tired of people on twitter talking about jongho and mine’s relationship. and i’m talking about the ones saying he’s too young for me. like... bitch i’m not that much fucking older than him get over yourself. jongho isn’t gonna date you, so get off the little bird app and go do your fucking math homework, okay? thanks.”
#ateez x reader#ateez reactions#ateez imagines#ateez scenarios#ateez blurbs#ateez smut#ateez suggestive#ateez fluff#ateez#ateez hongjoong#ateez seonghwa#ateez yunho#ateez yeosang#ateez san#ateez mingi#ateez wooyoung#ateez jongho#other.#ateez.
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hello stranger | reader x changbin |
Part 3
Pairing: self insert, female reader x seo changbin, female reader x han jisung
Genre: strangers to lovers, fluff, smut, angst
Tags: (of this part) college au, rapper!changbin, rapper!jisung, artist!reader, establishedfwb!jisung, skz side characters, explicit language, conflicting feelings angst, reader has past trauma/trust issues (implied), fingering (f receiving), multiple orgasms (implied), fluffy n’ intimate body touching (this is a thing I think lol), lil bit of nipple play, seo changbin being the soft soft dom of my SOUL
Word count: 4.6k
Chapters
PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4
ding-ding-diNG!
Your teeth chattered, battling the early morning frigid air. White wisps of your shaking breath vaporized in front of you. Your arms were tightly wrapped around your chest and your knees bounced with a little dance to keep your blood flowing.
[02:29] CB
me: where the hell are you? are you coming down?
Your dry and cold fingers typed out the words hurriedly on your phone screen. One more time, you smashed your finger on the buzzer button. You figured that if he had fallen asleep after inviting you over, you would kill him.
“Come on, come on,” you hissed into the open air.
Thick footsteps came clomping down the stairs from the other side of the frosted glass door, and your attention quickly whipped over.
As expected, he had adorned himself in nearly all black clothing. Nevertheless, he had thought to pull out his silver chain over the padded coat with white stripes down the arms.
“Took you long enough. Let me in, I feel like my toes are frozen.”
Changbin’s eyes cast down to your thin canvas sneakers you had put on in your haste, which were now covered in snow.
“You should have worn better shoes then. Lets get going.”
“--Get going??”
He swung the door behind him closed and it locked with a little click.
“We’re going somewhere?”
“I’m hungry.” Changbin simply announced, then took off walking down the block.
“I thought that--”
“--Keep up. It’s not that far.”
He led the two of you onward, and you snuck one more look up at him and the way that the snowflakes got tangled in his hair.
╚ ——————————————— ╝
“Here, be careful, it’s hot.”
After brushing off the ice crusted bench, Changbin presented to you a giant bowl of steaming noodles so large you guessed you could keep live fish in it. The smell of the broth was dreadfully nostalgic and was full of all of your favorite ingredients, almost as if he had known exactly what you would’ve ordered. You couldn’t help but feel giddy while the steam wafted up your nose.
You wondered with full eyes, “Oh my god, what is this?”
“-The best thing that you’ll ever have in your life. You might as well thank me now.”
You pulled the little heater closer towards the two of you with radiating orange coils. Changbin didn’t skip a beat sitting right down next to you, letting the fabric of both of your coats intermingle.
“This is my favorite place in the city. Their recipes really remind me of my mom and grandma’s.”
“Well I’m really excited to try.” You blew off a handful of noodles steaming into your nose while Changbin expectantly watched you hork it down.
“So?”
You covered your chomping mouth with your hand. “So, so good.”
“Hmm.” He scoffed, then there was that smug little smirk of his.
You thought to yourself that it was kind of cute.
The two of you sat quietly together, watching the silent sounds of the snowfall on the road in front of you, following the cars that passed. Over time, your body seemed to gravitate: bit by bit and piece by piece, closer to the boy next to you.
Changbin set down his metal chopsticks with a tiny clink on the table. “So, are you going to tell me about yourself now?”
“Me?”
“Didn’t I say last time I wanted to know?”
You remembered, but this time you couldn’t as easily kiss away the questions on his lips.
“How do you mean? There isn’t too much to know.”
“I don’t think that’s true. What is it that you study?”
“You want to know what I study?”
You nearly laughed in your surprise at the mundane question considering that the person sitting across from you had seen you turned inside out, a moaning and muttering mess upon first meeting, and he wanted to know what you studied?
“Why does that matter?”
“Matters ‘cause I want to know.” He simply returned, and gave you that look.
Normally his eyes were stormy grey, like the way that the sky would sizzle with energy before lighting would crack. They clouded with severity that seemed dangerous when he was angry, or when there was something that he wanted. But, looking at you like this, there was no danger that they held.
“Are you going to tell me or just keep glaring at me like that?” Changbin nodded to your nearly empty bowl. “Finish that. Don’t let it go cold.”
You did as you were told--at least it wasn’t answering the question.
“Fine. You don’t have to tell me. But tell me something else at least. Why were you at that show?”
“My friends took me? My friend Chan is really into underground rap and stuff like that so he usually drags me and Felix with him. I don’t mind.”
“See? Was answering that that hard?”
You had forgotten, then laughed a little to yourself. “Chan actually was there to see you. He had heard about you from whatever those circles are. He was really excited.”
“I’m actually glad you were there for that reason. For a second there I thought you might’ve said that you were there to see Han Jisung.”
You nearly spat out your bite of noodles, and choked a little on the broth.
“Guy’s a fuckin’ showboat and a cocky asshole. The girls at the shows are usually there for him.”
“What the fuck? You didn’t just say that.”
Anger bit like acid in your throat.
“What? He is!!”
It should have hurt more that he had assumed that you were one of the masses that would fall over their feet for Han Jisung, but it didn’t. Your chest twisted in knots knowing that the assumption was right--that hurt the most. You felt sick knowing now how he would look at you if he knew where you would stoop.
“I’m complimenting you!! I’m glad that you don’t waste your time on assholes like him.”
“Since when do you get to pass judgement on who I do and don’t spend my time with? -And aren’t you one of those same assholes? Up there on that stage, what makes you think that you’re any different from the rest of them?”
“I mean...I like to think that I’m not--”
Your eyes rolled back so far it might’ve hurt a little.
“You’re all the fucking same. I’m so fucking stupid.”
The words quietly fell off your lips like venom.
“We’re all?” What are you talking about?”
“And what the hell is this with trying to get up all in my business? We fucked once Changbin, what more do you want from me? You think I owe you something now? I’m not falling for that again.”
The crunch of your footsteps padded the snow when you turned out of your seat to speed away from him as fast as you could, and as far as you could.
He was the unbelievable one.
“Stop! I don’t get what you’re talking about. Falling for what again? You’re not making any sense! And no, I don’t think that you owe me something. I’m sorry if you thought that. I’m just--” He grabbed at your arm.
“--WHAT?” you tore his hand away.
“Is it a fucking crime to fuck someone and then give a damn about them? Ever heard about that happening?”
In your life?
Something terrible and suffocating rose in your chest that felt like a sob that you had held in for much too long.
“Listen.” Changbin approached you closer, carefully, that look softening. “It’s freezing out here, it’s late. We...don’t have to talk about it any more. I’ll take you back to my place, I’ll call you a cab, you can go home? Okay?”
Changbin poked out his arm looped in his pocket for you to link up to.
You didn’t need his help when you knew the way.
╚ ——————————————— ╝
Rosemary and cedarwood again. It was like it was everywhere. It was in the hoodie that he insisted that you put on and all entangled in the fabric of that blanket that he draped around your shoulders. Had you remembered what it was like under the covers of his bed, it was likely there too.
“Warming up?”
The bed bounced a little where he sat next to you with the tips of his ears pink. As cold as you were, you were certain that he must have been colder.
“I’m fine. Thank you.” You crossed up your cold feet under your legs.
“20 minutes? Then I’ll call them?”
You nodded, pulling up the blanket hem to your nose and covering half your face.
Changbin breathed out a little laugh. “You look like a marshmallow.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“Not a bad thing.”
His smile fell, and he focused on the silver rings twisting around his fingers. He fiddled with them, and you watched, neither of you knowing really what to do with the silence. After some resolve, he crawled over next to you, to lay facing your bundled up face.
At last, he sighed, “I could tell you about me. If you care.”
Rather than respond, you merely kept on looking at the way the silver would glimmer in the dim yellow of the light.
“Everything that I do, I do to rap and to perform. My parents never supported me doing this kind of thing and said that if I wanted to do it, I would loose their support. After a while, I realized their support wasn’t that valuable anyway if it was going to be over something that didn’t matter to me. I moved out after high school, I’ve been doing this ever since.”
“You like it that much?”
He cracked his fingers, “Sometimes you just know what it is that you’re gonna spend your life doing. For me, it’s this.”
Your eyes fell to your own hands which still were speckled with little flecks of acrylic.
“I know what you mean.”
“You do?”
“I...paint. And stuff like that. It’s not my major, it could never be, but I feel like that when I’m mixing the colors together and it’s just right. Helps me get the thoughts outta my head.”
“Yeah...it’s exactly like that.”
In the warmth of the blankets, you felt a yawn escape your lips and your eyes grow heavy. Your vision had grown blurry, and your dry eyes begged for sleep, but you could still see the way that creeping little smile tugged at his lips.
You thought to yourself that it was kind of cute.
“Thank you for telling me something about you.”
His voice was some kind of dreamy watercoloring of pale pinks and blues. You thought you had likely imagined it. The weight of his hand on your arm felt weightless too, why was it lingering here? His fingers tickled your ear while he swept your hair behind the skin.
The way that he whispered, “You’re making me want to kiss you.” must have been some kind of dream too.
Laying like this, right by your side reminded you for before, and the way that your brain had gone cloudy--you could’ve kissed him like that for hours.
“You...didn’t stop yourself before.”
Your challenge was all that he needed to take both sides of your face into his hands connecting himself to you incessantly, but gently. He spilled into your mouth kisses of sky blue and lavender, every single one more dedicated than the last. He kissed like he was dizzy and that you would make it all right for him, and like you were the one that he could find over and over. His mouth was blazing hot with warmth and he missed no part of you, moving on to kiss you in places you didn’t know needed the attention: over your bottom and top lip, in the corners of your mouth and the tip of your nose, carefully on the peach fuzz on your cheeks and the bone of your jawline. Each one was purposeful and sweet and melted into your skin snowflakes.
His wandering hands were cold under the blankets, but you didn’t mind the sensation against your bare skin where he crept his way in, smoothing over the curves of your body.
Changbin cascaded is way down, pulling you in by the hips closer to his own body. Your core tightened feeling his hands trickle over your waistband.
“Can I?” He whispered into his kisses.
You nodded: your exhaustion mixed with some state of unconscious desperation that you had entwined together, and you were completely at his mercy once more.
“Yes. I’ve...wanted you to.”
He popped the button and unzipped your pants with little effort, slipping those same cold fingers into the heat of your folds. You shivered with the two temperatures mingling and the pressure of his fingers on your slicked bud in little circles.
All you could manage were a couple of attempts at forming some kind of words that would eventually get caught in your throat. With one hand, you clawed at the fabric of his tee, hoping just a little that he liked the way that your nails would dig into his skin. His digits mingled all in your arousal, and brought it back up to your clit to make it twitch. After a while he would let you throw your head back into the pillows to feel every little bit of it and focus only on the way that he would press his fingers in harder and faster, then tease you over with barely touching you at all. He would remove his fingers too, to admire the way that it would string between them, leaving you a writhing mess without him.
“Bin, please, just wanna--”
You didn’t need to finish your sentence before he granted your wish. He sped up for you, rubbing in perfect circles for your clit to throb under his touch, closer and closer...
“Can I--?”
He didn’t answer you, but instead, leaned down to fill your mouth with more kisses and maintained his pace with forearm muscles flexing slightly.
Your orgasm was faster and much harder than you had expected: it rocked your whole body, from top to bottom where your legs thrashed and your toes curled. The muscles of your stomach tensed, and you felt your whole core spring upward as you came. Luckily, you remembered to be quiet and kept your breath short and sharp, letting only the tiniest of moans meet the air.
Changbin helped you ride your orgasm out until you could take no more sensation, then stopped, snapping your underwear hem a little on the way up. He held you close as you caught your breath, snickering a little when your body would shake. Your euphoria calmed you down into an even more exhausted state, but the way that the endorphins coursed though you felt like a high. Greedily, the closeness and the way that your head spun made the word slip out of your mouth.
“More?”
Changbin said nothing while he indulged you and peppered your skin with kisses in all those places that you didn’t know needed the attention. He would smile into your lips each time that you would come undone; slipping deeper and deeper into him.
“M-more. I just want...one...more.”
╚ ——————————————— ╝
“Just skipping one class isn’t the end of the world. You know that you look like a mess right?”
Minho, your assigned seat partner turned friend-in-suffering poked his pencil at the baggy black hoodie that you had forgotten to return. On the bus ride to campus, you had realized that you hadn’t taken it off.
“I know, alright? You don’t have to remind me.”
“You gonna tell me about it?” Minho poked at you once more with his teasing grin. You retaliated by raising your phone up as if to chuck it at his head.
Behind the two of you, a group of two ambitious girls hushed as they organized their plethora of colored pens and highlighters. Minho bowed a little sorry in apology.
His voice dropped to a whisper, “I’m assuming that this isn’t yours.”
“I-it’s new. I just haven’t worn it before.”
He scanned over the fabric and the little white brand on the left sleeve. “Huh. Must be a popular one I guess. I’m pretty sure that my one of my friends has the same one.”
“--Will you lend me something to write on...and with? I...didn’t bring my stuff with me.”
“Really.” Your classmate tore out a piece of his notebook paper--a little extra loudly as well--just for those eavesdropping girls behind you. “You should’ve just not come.”
To your left, your phone vibrated with the screen illuminated:
Low Battery: 20%
[10:39]
felix: I can’t believe you. You went over there again? Didn’t you say that he looked at you weird or something like that?? What happened??
Your heart dropped a little remembering how you had pardoned Felix’s worried nagging and turned on the Find My Friends feature in your phone.
“shit.”
Your phone screen lit up the underside of your table as you frantically tapped through your settings to turn off the slide bar. In the corner of your eye, you had seen Minho take his phone under the table as well.
[10:41]
CB: good job leaving your keys at my place
i can’t get them back to you until much later. i’ve got work.
“shit.”
me: i have work until later too
and sorry
CB: my roommate said that he could get them to you at 5. you’ll be at the library then?
me: your roommate??
CB: relax. he doesn’t give a shit.
╚ ——————————————— ╝
You read over the messages over and over, refreshing the little chat nearly every two seconds. Over the time waiting, your hand had grown embarrassingly damp, and your foot nervously tapped at the floor to the same tune that your chest thumped with your anxiety.
This was fucking humiliating.
Granted, you were no stranger to unsavory behavior, but somehow, this felt even worse. Furthermore, it all could have been avoided:
What the hell had happened last night?
It was becoming all too a common theme for you: you didn’t remember falling asleep, only waking up to the blaring of your alarm to those obnoxious Tardis sounds that were just a little too out of date...considering that you had long past all that Dr. Who stuff.
Changbin had actually left the bed all to you, waking up some time a little before you from sleeping on the couch and offering you some horribly cheap tasting coffee. You still drank it.
CB: just stand somewhere by the front door. i told him that’s where you’ll be.
The library overlooked the main quad of your university. In the wintertime, the trees that encircled the usually grassy circle were reduced to craggy and bare fingers powdered in the white snow.
“What the hell were you thinking?” You scolded yourself though clenched teeth.
“--Y/n?”
He had snuck up on you, coming from the right, rather than the front of the entrance.
You squeaked out, “Oh fuck.”
Minho twisted your jingling keys around his fingers.
“This is...” Minho laughed out incredulously, “...a coincidence.”
You clawed your keys from his hand with a hasty “Thanks.”
His eyes scanned you up and down as if he was meeting you for the first time, which he certainly wasn’t.
“The hoodie. Dammit. I should’ve known.”
“I-I really need to get back inside, they might need me in th--”
“--So you’ve been screwing him?”
Your heart thumped even more painfully.
“Wait, and you’ve been inside my apartment before and I didn’t even know?”
“Well I didn’t know that you were his roommate!! I didn’t even plan on meeting any of you if I could help it!!”
“So what is he, like, your type?”
“HEY. I don’t mean to stay over, it kind of just happens...I didn’t even want to see him after the first time--”
Minho scoffed then shoved his pink hands into the pockets of his navy and white striped bomber jacket.
“Will I be seeing you around there now?”
“--No.” You cut in. “You won’t.”
Your classmate huffed out a visible breath, “You say that now, but I know that you don’t mean it.”
“What the hell do you mean?”
Minho rolled his eyes, then gave the top of your head a chastising pat.
“If you’re gonna be over, you might as well bring snacks or something. No one in that damn apartment knows how to grocery shop for themselves besides me.”
╚ ——————————————— ╝
Too many fucking coincidences.
You had sat yourself at the exact same table that you had sat at the night before, but this time, you watched as it was Changbin who was standing behind the counter of the noodle shop, taking orders, and smiling much too widely for it to have been normal. He was even wearing one of those cutesy little aprons that the rest of the employees had: there was a little chicken embroidered in the corner next to his nametag.
To anyone else, it made no logical sense why you had decided to show up there: but your frazzled brain still working off your embarrassment from earlier thought this was the best thing to do. You felt like yelling just to get something out of your body. It wasn’t even his fault that his roommate happened to be one of your friends. Your head however, made it his fault.
He had clocked you from where you had sat fuming, not even looking phased at all. In fact, he had dished out for you one of those smirks. One of those stupid, cute smirks.
“See you tomorrow.” He clapped his coworker on the back while he took off his apron.
The shop door creaked out when he opened it.
“Didn’t expect to see you here. You really wanted to see me that soon already?”
You shoved the bundle of his hoodie from your hands to his.
“Here.”
“You came all this way just to give me my hoodie back? That and I’m assuming Minho told you that I work here.”
“How come you didn’t tell me that before?”
“Didn’t seem that important--”
At last, you let yourself snap. “--You made a fucking fool of me today!! Do you know how awful it was??”
“Ahhh Minho did say something about knowing you.”
You had expected sympathy, but rather he teased you with that little cocky grin. Had you known any better, it was almost like he was admiring how flustered you had become.
One, two, then three fat raindrops fell from from the sky and onto his parka, then the rest followed all at once. The bits of slushy and freezing rain barreled in suddenly and fell sideways. It slapped against the sidewalks and pattered on the shutters and gutters of the buildings lining the road.
“Great! This is just great!!” You pulled your coat over your head.
Changbin grabbed at your hand without hesitation. “Come with me.”
╚ ——————————————— ╝
“Open the door!! Open the door!!”
Frozen bits of snow and rain matted your hair and dripped off into your collar; meeting your bare skin. Your entire body felt as if it had been plunged into a freezing cold ocean, and you shook with ferocity. By now, your jeans had completely soaked through with with water and the denim stuck to your legs.
Changbin fumbled with his wallet and wet fingers, finally unlocking the door with that same,
ding-ding-diNG!
The heater in the little vestibule blasted you with heat upon your entrance: a welcome feeling to your drenched body. He had reached out for your hand to guide you to the elevator even though you knew the way.
Water dropped off your bodies into the linoleum floor of the elevator and it got all muddled too by prints from your shoes. After, you followed him further into the apartment building, to the very place you had sworn up and down that you would never see again. You didn’t know how many more times you would have to say it out loud before you would actually obey your own words.
“Fuck--it’s so cold.”
Changbin clinked his keys into the brass keyhole in the long and dank hallway that had matted red velvet carpeting. There was an odd and old-looking stain in front of his door that you had noticed last time.
“It’ll be warmer inside.”
“Are you sure about that?”
He didn’t need to, but he reached out to you once more to pull you through the doorframe. A sense of determination seemed to sweep over him, and you could just barely see that stormy expression cloud over his eyes.
“Ah! Y/n! How nice to see you here officially at last!”
Minho perked up from his book where he was cuddled up on one of those pleather couches in the living room.
Changbin didn’t give you a chance to to respond, but rather tugged you away down the hallway to the bathroom at the very end nearest his room.
“Changbin, what are you--”
He slammed the door behind the two of you, then flicked on the lights at the exact same time as he crashed his whole body into you, flattening your back against the door and scooping up both sides of your face to run his cold lips over yours. His hands were just as cold, and the tips of his bangs dripped tiny droplets of water onto your forehead.
In your shock, your hands were suspended in the air, but he just as quickly took them to wrap them around his sides.
The wooden door rattled a little behind your back, but the sounds faded when he deepened his kiss: floating his tongue over your bottom lip and letting out a breathy little gasp along with it.
“Fuck. You’re really good at making me want you.”
His voice had turned grave with his want, and he never broke your gaze while he peeled off every single piece of your soaked clothing. His eyes ravished your bare skin riddled with goosebumps, and he immediately took to kissing into your shoulders and collarbones once he had access. You tried your best to help him take his clothes off too, but instead he pushed your hands away to do the task himself. Once he had finished, he connected his lips with yours.
“Touch me.” He commanded of you.
You found the request odd, but you still obliged him, starting by running your hands down this pecs then to his abs and around his waist where you scratched at the skin of his lower back. He did the same to you: tracing gentle fingers down your breasts, then going to kneed at them, tweaking the buds just slightly. It wasn’t for long until he encapsulated you completely into his arms, then drew a line into your spine with his ring finger.
Your body warmed by the second: skin now set ablaze by his teeth grazing the skin of your neck.
He drew you along with him, then turned on the water to the shower with a metallic sounding groan. Within a couple minutes the whole room filled with a dense steam. He lead you in to the small compartment, stopping too for a moment to watch the way that the water flowed down your body in little transparent veins.
“You’re perfect.” He whispered into the nape of your neck.
The showering of water was too loud for you to hear, and it wasn’t like you were paying attention anyway. Your phone vibrated where it at fallen in your mess of clothes on the tiled floor.
[23:27]
jisung: what the hell’s been up with you the past few days?
phone break or something??
you didn’t see the other texts I sent you?
are you doing anything right now?
...
are you
ok?
#stray kids smut#skz smut#stray kids imagines#changbin smut#seo changbin smut#changbin x y/n#changbin x reader#changbin x female reader#stray kids drabble#stray kids imagine#stray kids oneshots#kpop drabbles#kpop imagines#kpop imagine#kpop smut#when she turns out longer than you expected ooP#hehe its ok its ok its for the plot development hehe
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INVINCIBLE: S1-EP1
(DISCLAIMER: MY OPINION IS MY OWN AND CAN BE DEEMED INVALID TO THOSE WHO DON’T CARE FOR IT.)
So I was on my Prime Video account, and I saw that there was a new animated superhero. As I watched the teaser I thought, “Man, I gotta do better at seeing new shows.” So I watched it and JESUS CHXST SOOOO MUCH HAPPENED IN THE FIRST EPISODE!!!
IT’S ABOUT TIME
The way this show started really threw me for a loop because it fully invested me in this conversation about STEVE’s step son MATT...
“I’m supposed to learn to tuck and roll away from a guy who can shoot laser out of his eyes, or control minds, or kick a goddamn school bus to the moon?” -
He’s got a point...
MATT had it rough y’all...
Don’t start cryin’ STEVE... not at work
The art style kinda reminds me of the BOONDOCKS
STEVE don’t start stumblin’ on your words now..
WAR WOMAN slapped him with that weapon like nothin’
RED RUSH + Zoomin’ to Fast = Vomit
He didn’t have to throw that civilian by the head like that ROFL
I won’t lie... as soon as I saw this man I immediately thought... “Black Batman”... I am ashamed
They are really fuckin’ up the WHITE HOUSE... I wonder how the taxpayers feel about this??
We appreciate the diversity in in any show!
Ahh high school drama... gotta love it....
LMAO ANDREW is into mustaches
TODD has such a dicky name... I feel bad for the dudes named Todd.
Ahh come on, MARK! Your dad is OMNI-MAN, and he didn’t teach you to block a hit like that??
AMBER comin’ in clutch with the kick to the balls
BUGER MART = BURGER KING
I really hope those trash bags don’t bust open on him...
...well damn...
OMNI-MAN is not lookin’ excited about him getting his powers. I think we can all agree that there’s a little more to their powers...
CAAANNNNAAAADDDDAAAAA
Dude, don’t psych yourself out, just do it!
He practically floated into the stratosphere and hit that ground like nothing
TRAINING W/ OMNI-MAN
My mouth was a bit ajar listening to the pee analogy
“Try to hit me.” - OMNI-MAN
Now you know damn well he can’t hit you...
BRO HE DIDN’T HAVE TO ROCK HIS SON’S SHIT LIKE THAT!!!!!!!!
“I didn’t mean to hit you so hard.” - OMNI-MAN
dude your face says otherwise
Something is off with OMNI-MAN...
I would’ve slammed the door as well... if I lived in the same household as him ROFL
Alright, so now it’s confirmed that ANDREW doesn’t know that OMNI-MAN is MARK’s father. I thought he might of because of the whole mustache comment but that is not the case lol.
If a guy is telling you to repeatedly him and he slowly becomes numb to it then you should probably start walking TF AWAY
Look at all that property damage....
“What about Ass Kicker? No... that sounds willful childish.” - MARK
MARK your dad is on a different level... don’t have him rock yo shit again..
I’m not vibing with the orange outfit...
“Make me.” - MARK
I could never and I MEAN NEVER say some shit like that to my mom, superhero or NOT
“I’m nothing like Dad. I’m more like you. I’m nothing special.” - MARK
Well, fuck you too MARK fuck... you...too
I like how they’re just playing catch in the middle of the sky above their neighborhood like it’s nothing.
That ball is going all the way around the world like a fuckin’ merry-go-round!
He is now...INVINCIBLE
Great solo flying sequence
“You guys think your biting off a little more than you can chew? That building has a whole in it, look!” - KILL CANNON
I liked how he asked if it was all clear after he punched him through the building.
RED RUSH + CONVERSATION = BORDEM
lol dude is the prime video version of Marvel’s Vulture
So everybody’s gettin’ called to the base... is there an invasion going on??
DARK WING has some cool tech!
Alright, everybody’s accounted for... who called the team meeting if it wasn’t any of th
NO NOT RED RUSH!!!!!!!!!!!
“Why have you done this?” - THE IMMORTAL
yeah I wanna know tooo!
ofc the one with no powers gets fuckin’ DEMOLISHED in a heartbeat!
GREEN GHOST did not have to go out like that!
ICONIC DIALOGUE
AQUARUS - “Are you alright?!”
MARTIAN MAN - “I live.”
BRO WAR WOMAN & THE IMMORTAL ARE GOIN’ IN!!!! I MEAN THIS IS THE EQUIVALENT TO BUCKY AND CAP TAG TEAMIN’ IRON MAN!!
WHAT EH FUCK JUST HAPPENED!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! OMNI-MAN HAS LOST HIS FUCKING MIND!!!!!!!!
.... at least WAR WOMAN got her neck snapped...
SOMEBODY BETTER TELL ME THAT SHIT WAS UST A DREAM!?!?
nah that was real because he looked a little to tired from that dead
______
THIS SERIES IS ALREADY FUCKING AMAZING! My God, I’m already excited for a season two LOL. Let’s get to episode two, shall we? Just remember that everyone’s a critic when their opinion matters the least.
List of Episodes with link :) ~
EP1 - EP2 - EP3 - EP4 - EP5 - EP6 - EP7 - EP8
#invincible#amazon prime#amazon prime show#jk simmons#omni-man#nolan grayson#sandra oh#debbie grayson#zazie beetz#amber bennett#mark hamill#art rosebaum#andrew rannells#william clockwell#kevin michael richardson#mauler twins#jon hamm#sonequa martin green#green ghost#ross marquand#immortal#lauren cohan#war woman#michael cudlitz#red rush#lennie james#darkwing#djimon hounsou#martian emperor#steven yeun
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A Supernaturally Marvelous Fic Challenge
Calling all Supernatural and Marvel fanfic writers!
I don’t know about y’all, but writer’s block and lack of motivation have hit me harder than ever this year. It’s no secret that 2020 has been a giant crap show for a lot of people, but our precious fics and fandoms can be such a great escape from it all. In an attempt to spread some inspiration and feel good vibes, I wanted to make my follower celebration something that might help both writers and readers.
Below you’ll find all sorts of prompts (dialogue, songs, AUs, etc.) because you never know what might inspire you. Since we’ve all had a tough year, there’s a catch! You’ve got to give it a happy ending.
Make it fun. Make it sassy. Make it steamy. But for the love of ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY please wrap it up nicely with good things and a “fluffy” bow. Cool? Cool.
Now, on to the rest:
This is my follower celebration for both blogs, so please consider following @carryonmywaywardcaptain, @carryoncaptainrogers, or both!
As you may have guessed from the title, prompts can be written for Supernatural or Marvel (extra love and virtual hugs if you choose to write about Dean Winchester or Steve Rogers because they are the loves of my life. But there’s still plenty of love for the rest of the Avengers & TFW!)
Angst, smut, crack, and fluff are all welcome, but remember to give it a fluffy/positive ending and tag the warnings accordingly (Please steer clear of smut if you’re under 18. Stay young and innocent, babes.)
No limit to how many people sign up for each prompt. Feel free to combine prompts or even combine fandoms in a crossover! Whatever gets your creative juices flowing.
Send an ask with the prompt you want to do and the pairing you’re planning to write (life gets busy, so I’ll do a reminder post before the deadline if it’s helpful for you!). Reader inserts or OCs are both fine.
Tag me in the A/N and use the hashtag #supernaturally marvelous fic challenge by December 20th January 31st. If you’re garbage at deadlines like me, I’m super flexible and won’t hold it against you if you get it done later! I’ll reblog SPN fics on this blog and Marvel pairings over on @carryoncaptainrogers so your fics are seen by the fans who need them most :)
Got another idea you want to write and/or read about? Shoot me an ask and maybe I can add it to the mix!
Make sure to check back once in a while in case more prompts are suggested and added! Without further ado (oof, this is long!):
Some song ideas:
“Boss’s Daughter”- Pop Evil
“Night Moves”- Bob Seger
“It’s Been a Long, Long Time”- Harry James
“I Won’t Say (I’m in Love)”- yes, from Hercules
“Hold You in My Arms”- Ray Lamontagne
“Better Man”- James Morrison
“Perfect for Me”- Justin Timberlake
“When We Were Young”- Adele
“Holding Out For a Hero”- Ella Mae Bowen’s version
“Come Around”- Papa Roach
“From Eden”- Hozier
“To the Man Who Let Her Go”- Tyler Shaw
“What If I Stay”- Chris Young
“Drift Off to Dream”- Travis Tritt
“Take Your Time”- Sam Hunt
“T-Shirt”- Thomas Rhett
“Not Strong Enough”- Apocalyptica, Brent Smith
“What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve?”- Lee Ann Womack
“Right Where You Want Me” or “Better With You”- Jesse McCartney (because I love them both and just couldn’t choose lol)
Feel free to suggest songs from the shows/movies! I know the above are random. I tried to have some variety.
AUs, Tropes, etc.:
*gasp* And there was only one bed… (Bed sharing)
Confessing FEELINGS (or “everyone conspiring to make them confess their feelings already”)
Neighbors
At a concert
Fake relationship for some event/case
Royal/Medieval
Soulmates
A/B/O
Friends/Enemies/Strangers to lovers
Comforting the other person
Dialogue prompts:
“I didn’t mean to turn you on.” “Well, it’s a little late for that!”
"Stop telling me you’re okay.”
“Can you please come and get me?”
“Sometimes you can be a real dumbass, you know that?”
“Because I care about you!”
“I’m right here. I’ve got you.”
“Who did this to you?”
“Well...what if I go with you?”
“Give me a chance to change your mind.”
“Plot twist!” “Screaming ‘plot twist’ doesn’t make this suck any less.”
“What did I say?” “You told me to stay out of trouble.” “And what did you do?” “The opposite of that, obviously.”
“You can do so much better than him. I wish there was some way I could make you believe that.”
“Not enough? You’re...everything.”
“Well this was fun... Let’s never do it again.”
“I need you to do something for me. You owe me a no-questions-asked.”
“Don’t look at me like that! You know what it does to me.”
“Wait! Just...take me instead.”
“You can’t keep it all inside, you know? Bottling it up won’t do any good.”
“I can’t stay away from you. I’m tired of trying.”
“Have you seen you? You’re like a damn dreamboat.”
Random things my kiddos at school have said:
“Hey Mrs. America! Mrs. Captain America.”
“You know what your problem is? DAT attitude.”
“How did it taste?” “Like disappointment.”
“Do we got a fucking problem?”
“When am I not wearing my sassy pants?”
“Words are hard.”
“I’ve been screaming internally my entire life.”
“Can I jump over the fence?” “No, but thank you for asking.”
“That’s not very cash money of you.” “...I don’t know what that means.” “That’s okay. I just felt like saying it.”
“What do you call a blind dinosaur?” “Dead.” [P.S. the answer is Do-you-think-he-saw-rus]
Shenanigan ideas:
Karaoke night at a bar
Thanksgiving dinner
Christmas lights
Slow dancing
Prank War
Ice skating
Mistletoe
Ugly sweater party
Gift exchange
Creating/sharing holiday traditions
Please reblog or tag your favs who might be looking for a little extra inspiration!
CarryOnCap Crew (Forevers):
@abswritesfandoms @amanda-teaches @cosicas-cuquis @crist1216 @droidyouseek @emoryhemsworth @ericaprice2008 @flawless-disaster @janeyboo @jenn0755 @ksgeekgirl @maresmiley @memyselfandmaddox @notyourtypicalrose @randomparanoid @rynabarnesrogers @sandlee44 @scarletsoldierrr @shann-the-artist-moon @sheerioasteroidpanda @shynara51 @someday-when-you-leave-me @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan @thisismysecrethappyplace @torntaltos @waywardbaby @waywardrose13 @weebid @whimsicalrobots @wintersoldierbaby @wintersoldierissucharide @yesfanficsaremylife
Cap’s Marvel Crew:
@amoonagedaydreamer @bangtan-serendipity @bubbabarnes @lilacs-with-lavender @msgreenverse @nomadstevergxrs @palaiasaurus64 @scarlettsoldier @selina-kyle89 @smokeandnailz @troublermalik @twittytelly @valkirsif
Cap’s SPN Crew:
@adoptdontshoppets @akshi8278 @alexwinchester23 @bi-danvers0 @deangirl7695 @dean-winchesters-bacon @fandomoniumflurry @pisces-cutie @supernaturalenchanted @superromijn @waywardnerd67 @x-waywardaf-x
Other amazing writers came to mind in case you’re interested in participating, feeling inspired to bless us with more of your beautiful work, or wouldn’t mind reblogging/tagging other writers (Please forgive me for spamming you!):
@luci-in-trenchcoats @supernatural-jackles @evansrogerskitten @cajunquandary @after-avenging-hours @fvckingavengers @mywritingsblog @bitsandbobsandstuff @prettyyoungtragedy @kittenofdoomage @angelkurenai @impala-dreamer @redgillan @gaybybirth @invisibleanonymousmonsters @221bshrlocked @sgtjbuccky @captainrogerss @katymacsupernatural @buckyofthemyscira @captain-rogers-beard-mainblog @dancingalone21 @atc74 @smol-and-grumpy @hannahindie @kdfrqqg @sis-tafics @idreamofplaid @deanssweetheart23 @because-imma-lady-assface @covered-byroses @captain-kelli @heli0s-writes @deanwinchesterswitch @roonyxx @jay-and-dean @ladywinchester1967 @spnfanficpond
#supernaturally marvelous fic challenge#CarryOnCap's fic writing challenge#fic writing challenge#follower celebration#marvel fanfiction#spn fanfiction#supernatural fanfiction#fanfic writing prompts#fanfic writing challenge#fluff#dean winchester x reader#steve rogers x reader#bucky barnes x reader#sam winchester x reader#supernatural reader insert#spn reader insert#marvel reader insert
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I Hate That I’m Afraid to Love You (11)
Genre: Romance, Friendship, Angst, Hurt /Confort , Suggestive, Fluff, College Au, Enemies to Friends to Lovers Au, REALLY Slow burn, Love Square (?)
Pairing: Hyunjin X Fem!Reader X Han X OC
WC: ~ 6,6K
[Previous] [Chap] [Next]
Masterlist
Notes: This chapter had been planned since I don’t know... Chap 2 or something LOL. I’m happy it finally came. I’m also happy to say that the next one will be hella suggestive. I hope you guys like it! I’m writing the chap 14 for now, so we’ve been kinda okay with the schedule. Let’s hope I don’t get blocked!
Warnings (general*): Language, Mentions of (Physical abuse, Death/ Loss of Loved One, Child Abandonment/Neglect, Divorce, Toxic Parents, Cancer, Mental disorder, Anxiety Attack, Alcohol, Food), Suggestiveness (?)
Updates: Tuesdays
Tagging: @aliceu @thatrandomoneinthecorner @channiewoo @bythesunnotbythemoon
////
You wiped all your things in your bag as soon as the bell rang, glancing at Hyunjin and Paris before getting up from your chair.
“Are you coming with us, Hyunjin?” You asked mindlessly, checking if you had everything inside your bag and hoisting it over your shoulder as you concluded that everything was there. You looked at him, waiting for his answer, and watching as he placed his things inside his bag, taking out your book from there.
“I won’t eat in the dining hall” He scrunched his nose, making you roll your eyes. Paris looked at you amused before looking at him and gasp, snapping her head back at you with a surprised look. You arched your brow, confused by her sudden behavior, and she darted her eyes back to him before settling them on you.
“He was the friend you met on Wednesday?!” She asked excitedly, and you frowned. What the hell was she talking about? You looked at him confused, and he sent you a knowing look, a smirk plastered on his face.
“Talking about me to your friends already, hm?” He teased, and you stared at him blankly before shaking your head slightly, rolling your eyes. Paris took the book in her hands, waving it for you to see it. You frowned, no clue about what she expected you to do.
“You said you were going to meet your friend to give it to him!” She recalled, and you widened your eyes, remembering your lies. Great, now Paris would be fixed on the idea you were meeting Hyunjin behind her back “So… Are you guys friends now or something?” She grinned, and Hyunjin raised his brow at you, questioningly.
“Yeah, yeah” You agreed, giving him a warning look that he took silently, keeping his mouth shut, “Something like that” You added, forcing a smile. Paris narrowed her eyes, suspicious, and you began to walk, so they would follow you and drop the subject.
Paris clearly couldn’t be an actress, because she didn’t follow the script in your head.
“Something, hm?” She teased, and you looked at Hyunjin for help. He shrugged, not knowing what to do since he didn’t even know what was going on, and you let your shoulders drop in defeat “Should I leave the love birds by themselves?” She grinned, and Hyunjin ─who clearly didn’t understand how to maintain a friendship with you─ grinned along.
“Should she?” He asked playfully, looking directly at you. You pushed your tongue against your cheek, annoyed. Paris’s grin morphed into a full wide smile, eyes sparkling in excitement as she clasped her hands and looked at you. She was beaming. You could risk saying that you never saw her that happy in your whole life, almost relieved.
That was how much she wanted you dating someone… Jesus.
“Hyunjin, fuck off” You asked, voice drained and a pleading expression that made him chuckle. She giggled, happy with your not so gentle interaction, and you let out an exasperated sigh “We’re not dating, Paris” You pointed out, stressing your words. She hummed ─ clearly not buying them ─ and you let out a heavy sigh, wondering what have you done wrong in your life for your friend to believe in whatever she wanted, completely ignoring you.
“Didn’t you mean fuck me?” Hyunjin goaded, smiling devilishly at you. Paris shot you a keyed up look, holding her breath as you walked, interested in your answer. You almost laughed at her eyes twinkling, like she was a child watching their favorite toy on display.
“That’s exactly what I meant, thank you” You smiled obnoxiously, letting it hang in the air for a second too long, enough to confuse him “Fuck you” You added, grimacing, and he let out a wholeheartedly laugh, surprised by your retort. You chuckled, fighting back your smile as your eyes roamed around the quad as soon as you got to the stairs.
“You almost tricked me” He confessed, humming in appreciation “You’re getting better at this”
“Almost? You totally fell for it” You accused lightly, shooting him a funny look. Paris seemed pleased at your interaction, smiling at herself as she looked around the quad, mimicking your previous action. Unlike you, though, she let out a gasp. You raised your eyes to follow hers, spotting Han and his father walking side by side.
“I thought Han would be lunching with us today” She mused, observing the other man walking along with them. They were walking fast, talking about something enthusiastically as Han nodded once in a while, a tight smile that conveyed his uncomfortableness from miles away. You frowned, concerned about him. Since Friday’s match, he had been feeling kinda down in general.
Sometimes he seemed just alright as if he didn’t have anything to worry about.
Sometimes he looked like he was drowning in regret.
Just like now.
The way his shoulders were dropped made it seem like he had to carry the weight of the entire world on them. The way his lips quirked down ─ almost imperceptibly but casting a shadow in the corner of his lips ─ made it seem like his whole face was taken by whatever dark thoughts wandered around his mind. The way his jaw clenched ─ stretching his neck just a little bit ─ made it seem like he had an invisible rope ready to strangle him. The way his eyebrows quivered almost imperceptibly made you realize how much he was trying to hide a clear ocean of emotions behind his worried eyes.
You knew something was wrong and you couldn’t believe one lost match was the reason why he seemed so down lately.
So what exactly was his problem?
You pursed your lips, patting Paris’s shoulder before looking at Hyunjin, waving him goodbye before turning to her, forcing a small smile. You made your way to the dining hall, dismissing Paris’s idea of going their way to greet them but sending some looks over your shoulder. Maybe later you should try to figure it out.
For now, though, it was lunchtime.
//////
Later arrived sooner than you expected.
You bit your hot dog, crossing your legs as you fixed yourself on the stool and leaning against the stand as you watched the P.E building, waiting for Han to come out of his practice. You heard the coach wasn’t pleased about the results, and it seemed like he was taking out his frustrations on the team, tiring them out.
You distracted yourself for a split of a second, admiring the dark sky that fell upon you. Although work in a library was fun to some extent, it was always strange to get in there with the sun burning your scalp and people wandering around, chatting up, to get out when everything was dark and quiet. The lights shooting from the roof made you trail their path, getting too invested in them to notice someone coming in your way.
“Waiting for your boyfriend?” Minho’s voice sounded as soon as someone shadowed your view. You focused your gaze on him. Despite his usual teasing, it was clear he was drained, an unusual frown giving him away. You gestured to the stool beside you for him to sit, ignoring his teasing like you often did when you didn’t find it in you the urge to whine at him. He gestured to the employee, asking whatever he called the usual before he sat down.
The silence was slightly awkward but neither of you tried to say anything at first. You glanced at him, munching your food as you pretended not to be interested in why he looked so edgy today. He tapped his fingers on the stand, eyes fixed on the building behind him; though he probably didn’t intend to show his anxiety, the subtle rocking his body made back and forth was enough for you to sigh in defeat, lowering your food.
“What is it?” You decided to ask, taking him by surprise. He looked at you astonished; impressed you even noticed something was wrong with him, blinking a few times as he deadpanned. You rolled your eyes, shoulders dropping as you scoffed “Really? You look like shit, Minho! Also, you can’t stop bouncing your leg and drumming your fingers. I mean, either you’re anxious or you really want to be a drummer” He snorted, nodding in defeat.
“It’s been tiring” He shrugged “Coach is mad at us for losing like that… I fucked everything up” He admitted “I couldn’t even think about missing a serve in a time like this… He’s been on my tail since then” He sighed, clearly overwhelmed “Also, I think Han isn’t feeling much better… “ He eyed you cautiously “Isn’t he distant lately?” You blinked, thinking deeply.
Well, to tell the truth, he kinda was.
“I think so? He has been acting weird… I don’t think it’s about the match though” You confessed, resting your hot dog on the stand before continuing “Sometimes it just seems like he’s lost inside his head, I don’t know how to explain” He nodded in agreement, looking at your food as if he craved for it, making you chuckle “You can have it, I’m okay” You pushed it his way, fighting back a chortle as he blushed, embarrassed.
“No! Sorry! I’m just…” He closed his eyes when his stomach growled, and this time you couldn’t hold back your laughter, pushing your food closer to him “Sorry, I’m starving” He admitted, picking up your hot dog and humming as soon as he had a bite “The damn coach didn’t give us any time to fucking eat!” He muttered, mouth full of food, as he tried to cup it so he wouldn’t spat at you.
“Han missed the practice? Where is he?” You asked out of nowhere, realizing that if the coach was on their tail, he should be with Minho right now. Minho gulped down his food, sighing.
“He’s at the gym… He said he needed some alone time” He took another bite, cupping his mouth again “Said he wasn’t hungry… As if” He scoffed. You frowned, looking at the building once more, attention dragged back as Minho’s food was settled in front of him “Do you want some?” He offered, pointing to his brand new hot dog.
“Actually… Can I have this? I’ll pay for yours” You reassured him, picking up your bag to search for your wallet “I’m going to push it down his throat” You grunted, putting the money right in front of Minho. He laughed, shaking his head and waving his hand dismissively.
“What a caring girlfriend” He teased, gesturing so he could order another one, pushing your money back to you before you gave him a neck-slap “I owe him one” He shrugged it off, and you wiped your money back into your bag, picking up the hot dog and quickly making your way to the gym, afraid he would just go home unexpectedly.
You struggled a little bit to find it but as soon as you spotted Han laid down on the floor, arms crossed upon his eyes and fingers buried into his hair ─ the definition of defeat himself ─ you felt all your unsettledness dissolve into pure worry. You cleared your throat, and the sudden echo in the empty gym startled him. He shot his body up, sitting on the floor and moving his hands away so he could see who was sneaking there; shoulders dropping in relief when he spotted you.
The next second, he tensed up, realizing it was you.
“What are you doing here?” He asked surprised, way more stiffly than you were used to seeing him. You approached him, handing the hot dog without a word, and he arched his brow in wonder, looking at you as if you were crazy “What is it? You suddenly had the urge to come here with a hot dog?” He scoffed, and this time you rolled your eyes.
“Just eat the damn thing” You pushed it in the air, and he took it gratefully “I heard you said you weren’t hungry… I immediately realized you needed a friend. I mean, did I ever see you satisfied in your life?” You joked, and he laughed at it for a few seconds before his laughter died slowly, giving way to an awkward silence.
“I don’t think you did” He muttered under his breath, taking a bite. You gasped, taken aback by the sudden change in the mood. Han wasn’t the one to complain about his life. If you were being honest, you couldn’t recall a time he complained about anything for real ─ well, except for Hyunjin being in your life ─, so you took the hint to sit down next to him, placing your hand on his knee.
“You know you can talk to me, right?” You offered unsure, eyeing him cautiously “I may not be able to help you but I can hear you out” You gave him a small smile which he returned, sighing right after. He took a bite of his food but didn’t seem to care about the taste, as he didn’t even hum like he used to do when he ate it.
“I don’t know where to begin with” He stated, eyes unfocused but fixed somewhere over your shoulder “I mean… I don’t know… You know?” He trailed off, which wasn’t really helpful. You furrowed your brows, tilting your head.
“Could you be more specific?” You asked amused, and he chuckled, gulping down his food.
“I lost this game… And for what, Y/N? For what?” He sighed heavily “Dad brought a friend to meet me today… He said those things happen, said he knows I’m better than that…” You perked up at that, happy he would have another chance sooner than expected “He watched my other games and said I’m promising” He concluded with another sigh.
Though his words were all good signs, he said them as if they were a death sentence.
“I don’t follow you” You admitted, confused “Isn’t it a good thing? I mean… Did he give you a chance? Will you play on a team?” You added, and he looked at your eyes deeply demotivated.
“I don’t deserve that spot” His tone was hurt, kinda breathy, and you were taken aback by how destroyed he looked. Has he ever been this tired? You couldn’t remember it “I wasn’t supposed to have that spot” He added, laughing humorlessly “What about my team? What about them, Y/N? They missed their chances because I’m a son of a bitch” His hands fisted his hair and he gazed at the floor, embarrassed to raise his eyes and look at you.
“You deserve it, Han! I watched every game for the last two years… You were incredible in each one of them. One bad day can’t just erase all of your hard work” You took your hand from his knee to rest it on his shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly “They’ll get another chance! All of you made some mistakes throughout the game… A lost match isn’t the responsibility of a single player, Han. You’re a team”
“I missed the ball” He blurted out, and you raised your brows surprised.
“Yeah, I know but it doesn’t mean you’re the one to—“ He interrupted you, voice firm and guilty.
“No, I missed the ball” He shut his eyes, and you frowned, confused.
“Yes, I know… What I mean is –“ You tried again, and this time he interrupted you with a peal of incredulous laughter but not a hint of humor in it.
“No! You don’t understand it!” He whined, voice faltering as if he was about to cry “I missed it, Y/N… I choose not to save it! I missed the damn ball!” He raised his voice, half-yelling on the silent gym; voice echoing over and over again, sinking in your brain slowly.
“You did what?” You couldn’t believe it. Why would he do something like that? You stood there, staring at him blankly, blinking a few times as you tried to make sense of what he just said. He looked at you with so much hurt in his eyes, that it was impossible not to feel the regret engulfing him right now.
“I let my team lose… I took away their chances because I’m an egoistic son of a bitch” His voice was thick, heavy even, and yet it broke into a million pieces. You felt your heart sink, not knowing what to say. He covered his eyes, bringing his knees next to his chest to rest his face there, grip tightening on his hair.
“Why?” You asked slowly, at a loss of words. He raised his head just a little bit, enough for you to get a glimpse of his teary eyes and quivering chin.
“I don’t want to be a player” He confessed bluntly.
At first, you gasped, dumbfounded.
Then everything made sense all at once.
“You want to be a musician” You blurted out, breathlessly “I can’t believe I didn’t see it before… Han, why are you here? Why aren’t you going after your dreams?” You couldn’t understand him. He was so talented! He did so much in his projects with Paris… What was he afraid of? It didn’t make any sense.
“It doesn’t matter what I want… What does matter is that I ruined what everyone else wanted” He sighed, cupping his cheek as he tilted his head to the side, looking at you with a face that had failure written all over it “And for what? Just to get into a team… It was useless” You frowned, starting to get upset at him.
“Do you think you’re some kind of god or something?” You snarled, scoffing and looking away from him before returning your gaze “Were you alone in that damn court, Han? Were you playing all by yourself?” You ranted. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, surprised by your outburst.
“No, but I could have –“ You sneered, nodding in discontent.
“And so could them!” You shouted, and he pursed his lips, afraid of speaking up. You sighed, shoulders dropping “Look… The only thing you should be feeling guilty about is to be a dumbass” You snorted, and he seemed to relax a little bit “How can you think that your dream doesn’t matter, Han? It’s all that matters… It’s your life. You just have this one to live” You looked deep into his eyes, and he averted them, flustered.
“Actually… If you believe in reincarnation and –“ You groaned, interrupting him.
“Don’t try to change the subject!” You threatened him with your eyes but he seemed to find it amusing, letting out a chuckle “Why aren’t you pursuing your dreams? Why are you here if you could make yourself a hell out of a musician?” You asked curiously, and his amusement faded away.
“You’re going to laugh at me…” He trailed off. You squeezed his shoulder once more, encouraging him to speak “Dad was a volleyball player” He began awkwardly, and you nodded reassuringly “He got injured real bad and had to retire… He got kinda depressed, you know? It was his dream. He loved to play. It happened when I was a kid… I decided to join my school team, so he could watch my matches and… Well, I wanted to make him feel happy” He shrugged.
You sighed, knowing damn well how it would end.
“When I won my first match he was so excited… It was the first time he laughed like that in a long time, so I just… Well, I wanted to allow him to live his dream through me” He sighed “And I loved to play, I really did. Somewhere along the way, it stopped being my dream and it started to be my burden, though” He looked at you, waiting for your reaction, and you looked at him sympathetically.
“So drop it” You advised, and he scoffed, shaking his head in disbelief.
“You don’t understand it! I don’t want to disappoint him… He did nothing but support me my whole life, Y/N… I’m his Champ” He sounded bitter, lips twisting down “How can I take it away from him? How can I carry the burden of letting him down?” He sighed, and you chuckled. He raised his eyes, confused, and your chuckled grew to a giggle until you couldn’t stop laughing. He looked offended, so you rushed to wave your hands eagerly.
“I’m not laughing at you!” You assured, shaking your head in amusement “It’s just… Han, I don’t think you could ever let him down, really. The man just adores you! He’d accept you as you are, Han. Whoever you are. He loves you, and he does it from the bottom of his heart” You reassured him, pushing his shoulder lightly “He even approved of your imaginary relationship with Paris and Minho” You pointed out, laughing.
“Don’t even remind me of this!” He cringed “It was embarrassing” He sighed, glancing over at you.
“No, it wasn’t” You chuckled “I think it’s awesome you have someone who loves you so much… I can’t even imagine how it works” You smiled sadly, shrugging “I mean… I think he would have your back. He asked us to say to you that he was really proud of you, even if you lost it… He was concerned you’d be embarrassed to look at him after your match, that was why he just left earlier” He gasped, and you snorted “You should have known it but you got so drunk…”
“Do you think he will take it well?” He asked unsurely, and you got up, extending your hand for him to help him out. He took it, standing right in front of you “I mean… Don’t you think it’d be better if I kept playing for him? I even have a team” You opened your arms for a hug, and he stood there staring at you.
“Han, put it inside your head” You rolled your eyes “Your father loves you so much… Do you think his dream is to see you playing? His dream is to see you happy, Han. He’d be happy if you were happy. That’s all you need to do” You stepped closer to him, hugging him. He leaned his head against your shoulder, inhaling deeply “Just chase your dreams and he’ll support you with all his heart, okay? You’ll be a great musician and He’ll go to every one of your shows with Paris’s foam glove” You chuckled.
You squeezed him, trying to convey some peace into him, feeling how he melted, hugging you back full of love. It was a warm hug and for a split of a second, you remembered Hyunjin saying Han liked you. You tried to pull away, haunted by the mere thought of taking him away from Paris but he held you tight.
You inhaled sharply.
“I never had someone to talk like this…” He muttered against your shoulder, and you hummed, patting his back “No one ever supported me like this… I’m…” He trailed off, and you got it as a hint to break away from him, smiling uncomfortably, rubbing your nape.
“I mean, you have a lot of supporters! You have me and Par—“ Before you could complete your sentence, he interrupted you, grabbing your shoulders firmly and looking deep in your eyes.
Oh boy.
“I like you” He confessed, simply like this, and you shut your eyes tightly, exhaling slowly. You couldn’t get away from this “I have liked you for a while now… I always had a crush on you, and I thought I could just let it go but I can’t” He continued, rubbing circles on your skin with his thumbs. You opened your eyes again, looking at him like you were in pain “If you can just give me a chanc—“ You placed your finger upon his lips, sighing.
“I can’t, Han… I’d do anything for you, I really like you but… Like a brother or something like this. I never thought about you as more than a friend” You admitted, pursing your lips as he gave you a hurt expression.
“Maybe we can try to go on a date? Just to see if we may click! Perhaps you can come to like m—“ You sighed again, shaking your head slowly.
“I really can’t… It wouldn’t be fair to you and it wouldn’t be fair to… Well, it’s just not fair” You shrugged, trying to keep Paris out of your speech. He pursed his lips, twisting them down and lowering his gaze, ashamed to look at you “Don’t be like this, we can still be friends and—“ This time was his time to interrupt you.
“I can’t do it right now” He admitted “How can I look at you every day knowing you don’t like me back? Knowing you’re going to be my friend out of pity?” He looked deep in your eyes, and you could see how conflicted he was right now. The tears prickled in your eyes, and you could see how his eyes were glossy as well.
“I don’t pity you… I really want to be your friend!” You assured him eagerly, voice faltering. He snorted, nodding in understanding.
“But I don’t want to be friends with you… I want to be something more” He sighed, voice faltering as well. It was a vulnerable moment, and he took a deep breath before letting go of your shoulders “It’s not that I don’t want to be friends with you anymore, okay? It’s just that I can’t do it right now… I need some time” He confessed, averting his eyes.
“You promise you won’t bail on me?” You asked, holding your pinky out in the air, expecting him to lock his with yours.
“Yeah, of course” He smiled weakly at you, locking your fingers together.
////
It was needless to say you looked like shit as soon as you got home.
The walk to the dorms was quiet and uncomfortable as Han made sure to drop you off, claiming that some rejection didn’t mean he couldn’t make sure you would get home safe. Although it was gentle and thoughtful, the silence sank in a way that made you cringe the whole way in the most awkward walk you ever had in your life.
You opened the door and something about it ─maybe it was the popcorn smell, maybe it was the soft sound of unknown voices coming from the TV ─ made you realize that you were finally home. It hit you like a truck, and all the tiredness washed over you mercilessly. The weight of your busy day impregnated every fiber of your body, and suddenly you felt too worn out to say anything. You let out a heavy sigh, closing the door behind you before dropping your keys and bag to the counter, walking to the fridge to have some water.
From morning to night, all your day was filled with worries.
Paris raised her eyes from the TV ─ pausing whatever she was watching to look at you, which gave you a moment of comfortable silence that made you hum in approval─, studying you silently for a few seconds. She seemed to be puzzled by your nonchalantly self and somehow it pushed her to talk to you, even if it was pretty obvious you didn’t want to say anything right now.
“You’re late” She stated, glancing over the clock before turning her gaze back at you “Were you with Hyunjin?” She smiled mischievously, tone knowing and teasing, and you looked at her far too done to play along “You look exhausted, the night must have been really nic—“ You shot her a look, deciding you weren’t up to this kind of bullshit right now.
“I was with Han” You interrupted, and her face fell. She averted her eyes before biting her lip, turning her gaze back at you, unsure if she should say something. You kept looking at her, waiting for some kind of reaction but she was settled in look eager to know though too afraid to ask.
As if it wasn’t enough, your head started to pound.
“He confessed to me” You decided to come clean, studying her reaction. She raised her eyebrows slightly, not as surprised as you thought she would be. If you must describe it, she looked resigned, as if she knew it would happen all along. You frowned, narrowing your eyes to her “You knew?” You sounded accusatory, and she didn’t miss the tone.
“I think you’re the only one who couldn’t see it” She admitted, “How did it go?” She couldn’t even look at your eyes, fixing her gaze on the floor. You took another gulp, roaming your eyes up and down at her. She fisted her hands, head dropped and body all stiff as if she was really afraid of your answer; her voice sounded weak enough for you to know she was fighting the urge to cry, and it made you sigh once more.
“How could I do this to you?” You gave her a small smile, which she saw because her head snapped back at you, eyes widen as she took your smile in “You love him, don’t you?”
“You knew?!” She was taken aback. It seemed like the mere thought of you knowing about her feelings didn’t even cross her head. She stood up from the couch, and for a moment you thought she would beam and hug you, maybe even thank you for letting him go. Not that you needed it. You widened your smile but she didn’t offer you one back.
Paris looked offended.
Not like her usual mock offended self, or her joking and kind self. She looked as if you just slapped her in her face. She was angry, to say the least, face red and brows furrowed, jaw clenched and you could see her swallowing dry. Her eyes held a storm inside them that you never saw before, and for a moment you wondered if you misunderstood her feelings.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” She spat, and you blinked twice, surprised, head tilting back slightly as if her words had impacted you like a punch “Did you… I can’t… What the fuck were you thinking?!” She yelled, stumbling over her words. You couldn’t understand her train of thoughts, so you just stood there speechless.
What the fuck was going on?
“Answer me!” She demanded, tears prickling her eyes “God… You’re… Why are you like this?! Why can’t you… Argh!” She groaned, fisting her hair and pulling it slightly, throwing her head back. She let go of her hair, shooting you a glare “Why?! Just tell me why!” She uttered, and you decided to rest your glass on the counter, confused.
“I don’t follow you… Are you mad because I said no to him?” You asked just to be sure, and she laughed like a maniac. Out of nowhere. You glanced at your sides, startled, wondering if maybe it was all a joke and tons of cameras would take pictures of your flabbergasted self. She stopped laughing to clasp her hands, the sharp sound making you yelp.
“How did you know I liked him?” She asked, trying to organize her questions, inhaling deeply so she could control herself.
“You told me and Hyunjin when you got drunk at the party before our deadline” You answered simply, choosing to be the most straightforward as possible. She nodded, looking displeased with herself, scrunching her nose before turning her gaze back to you.
“Why did you say no to him?” She asked, voice lower, and you scoffed amusedly.
“What is it? Am I obliged to return his feelings now?” You chuckled but she didn’t seem to find it funny. She glared at you, and your laugh died inside your throat, making you gulp down. She approached you, getting right at the other side of the counter, looking dead serious to something as harmless as this.
“He loves you!” She uttered, pissed off, and you clapped your hands, starting to get annoyed at her constant yelling. Your head throbbed and your thought flickered around the fact that you were too tired for it, too eager to go to your bed and lay down. Suddenly, all of your turbulent feelings seemed to find their way out of you, turning into anger and displeasure.
“What do you want me to do?!” You fumed “I just fucking got out of your way! Why the hell you’re so fucking mad?!” You inquired, smacking the counter, startling her for a second. She recovered fast though, mimicking you the next second.
“Out of my way?!” She grunted “Do you ever think about anyone at all?! How did you think I’d feel when you refused him out of pity?!” She raised her voice, looking at you full of disgust “So I should thank your holy ass because you got out of my way?” She laughed humorlessly “Maybe I didn’t want you to get out! Maybe I wanted you in!”
What the fuck now?
“Take your head out of your butt once in your life! How do you think I felt seeing him liking you all this time?! Hm?! Did you think it was fun to watch me liking him when he liked you?!” You watched as the first tear rolled down her face “Did you think I’d be glad because you’re pitying me?!” She spat, looking away, trying to hide her tears streaming down her face.
It was enough for you to calm down a little bit.
“I don’t pity you” You said softly, and she scoffed, shaking her head in contempt.
“Yeah? But you should!” She said bitterly “Did you know I liked him for two years?! Did you know how much I wanted to confess to him?! Do you know why I didn’t?!” It was hard to understand what she was saying; her voice sounding thick as she tried to hold back her tears, choking and sobbing as she tried to yell at you, all at the same time.
“Paris, calm down” You asked, concerned, and she groaned once more, pressing her palms against her eyes before punching the counter.
“Calm down?! I stepped away because I love you, Y/N! Because I love him!” her face was twisted in pain and regret, and you wanted to reach out for her but you didn’t, afraid of her reaction “You’re my best friend! I’d do anything for you! Anything!” She cried, hiccupping as she tried to recompose herself “You know how much it took for me to let him go so you could be with him? You shouldn’t reject him because of me! I can’t have gone through all this for nothing!” She yelled, devasted.
“Why would you do that, Paris?” You were so confused right now, so lost in everything she was saying… She laughed, choking on her saliva before continuing, and you pondered about giving her your glass of water but the thought of a pissed Paris having a glass to throw at you demotivated you immediately.
“Because you’re lonely!” She howled, whimpering, and trying to recompose herself once more.
The silence was deafening.
“I… You… What?” You floundered, and she shut her eyes, sighing.
“Because you’re lonely, Y/N… Because I know you need love in your life… Because I know Han can make you happy…” She dragged each sentence out of her chest, in a serious tone, crying toning down a bit, sounding utterly worn out “If what I have to do to make sure you end up happy is to step away and give up on him… Then I’d do it gladly” She concluded, and suddenly you could relate to her pained expression, scoffing in disbelief before breaking into a fit of laughter.
You were fully aware you sounded crazy as you cackled up, smacking the counter over and over again as if she had just told you a hilarious joke. The laughter didn’t last for long, though, dying into your throat as your smacking turned harder each time until you were punching the counter, tears pouring out of your eyes uncontrollably. You shut your eyes closed, keeping hitting it nonstop until the pain you felt in your hand could cloud any other thought.
“You call this friendship?” You gestured between both of you, voice trembling and breaking “You said I don’t think about anyone but what about you, Paris?” You asked bitterly, and when she averted her eyes, rage engulfed you “What about you, Paris?!” You yelled, smacking the counter once again “So you’re saying you did it all for me?! Out of pity?! Because I need love?!” You laughed humorlessly, shooting your head back to breathe deeply “I need a therapist, Paris! That’s what I need”
You picked up your bag, glaring at her.
“And you know what?! That’s what you need too!” You dropped your bag again, fuming “Giving up on someone you love because you think I need it more than you?! Don’t blame me for being a coward!” You scoffed, rolling your eyes “Do you want to be canonized or something? Do you think it makes you more worthy of love than me?” She gasped, trying to shake her head to deny it but you snorted and raised your hand for her to stop “Are you so desperate you’d do anything to be worthy of love? Am I so unworthy that you thought nobody but he could love me?” Your voice calmed down, the anger left behind to give way to an unwavering cold tone.
“No, Y/N, that’s not what I mea—“ You picked up your bag, walking to the door “Where are you going?” She asked worried, trying to get closer to you.
“Did you think that I might not love him back? Do you think I’m so desperate for love that I wouldn’t even think about my feelings? That I’d accept anything? Did you really think about my feelings at all?” You sighed, opening the door, ignoring her question “I don’t love him, Paris… I’m sorry you had to hold back your feelings all this time. I’m sorry it was so hard on you. I’m sorry for not coming up to your expectations…”
You looked at her, deep in her eyes, and both of you held your urge to cry, looking at each other as if only hurt could dwell in your soul right now. Neither of you said anything, holding each other’s stare for a while, taking in the entire situation.
“But all that…?” You gestured at her, hand fumbling in the air “It’s all on you” You stated seriously “Don’t blame me for things you decided by yourself… I have enough of this with my father, thank you very much” You snickered “If you were really glad to give up on him, you wouldn’t beam thinking I had something with Hyunjin, would you?” She bit her lips, averting her eyes embarrassed “Maybe you should think about why you’re so riled up about this… I didn’t reject him because I pity you, Paris…”
You held up your breath before exhaling heavily, positioning yourself to get out. You hesitated for a second on the doorframe, facing the hall, back turned at her before voicing your thoughts once more,“But if you really wanna know, I think now I do” And with this being said, you closed the door, making sure to not look behind.
#skz#stray kids#skz scenarios#stray kids scenarios#skz imagines#stray kids imagines#skz fanfic#stray kids fanfic#skz angst#stray kids angst#skz x reader#stray kids x reader#hwang Hyunjin#hyunjin#hyunjin x reader#hyunjin angst#chan#bang chan#han#han jisung#kpop fanfic#kpop angst
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