yes, food is fuel. but it is also for pleasure. it is also enjoyable. it is also emotional, personal, intimate. food is fuel, yes, but that does not make you a machine. you are allowed to eat something just because you want it, just because it sounds good, regardless of the nutritional properties. food is a shared human experience bridging across our entire existence. to reduce it to something as simplistic as fuel denies us the emotional connection that food contains. food is fuel, yes, but it is also so much more than that.

TW weight:

I am so damn tired of this bullshit. I don't wanna relapse. I wanna be HEALTHY!

Enough is enough. I'm going to eat well today! 🍔🍕🍖🍗🍚🍜🍝🍰🍪🍤🍩🍣🍠🍟🍞🍅🍆🍇🍈🍉🍊🍌🥒🥑🥐🍲🍓🍒🍑🍍🥓🥔🥕🥖🥗🥘🥙🥚🦑🦐🥞🥝🥜

Anorexia is a bitch.

truly madly deeply hate the up and down glance and "you're looking good" i've gotten a few times in the last couple months (exclusively from women) because 1 don't sound so shocked i'm a fucking snack at all times and 2 i know they mean i look like i've lost weight and i only have* because COVID fucked with my hunger and taste so eating is boring at best and murderously difficult at worst

* i don't weigh myself anymore because it is so bad for my mental health, i even turn around when they weigh me at the doctor's office because i don't want to know but then they print it on the stupid visit summary like?????

and it's fucking triggering as all hell too. i have put my body through so much shit in pursuit of being thin, clawed my way back from the edge of death like A Bunch Of Times, and after having my kid and gaining a fuckton of weight was only barely able to be comfortable in my own skin but so proud of myself for that. and it's really distressing to me that i didn't get compliments when i fed myself appropriately but i'm getting them now when i can't.

this western obsession with skinniness over health is beyond disgusting and it's deadly and i hate it. swear to god i'm gonna burst into tears on purpose next time someone says something about my body so maybe they'll think twice before opening their fucking mouths.

I’m getting off my bullshit. Im going to recover for real and completely this time. Im fucking scared but it’s that or spit on my life everyday that I could be doing things. Im putting action into hating capitalism now instead of just thinking about how much I hate it. I have to exist in spite of it and even though that feels cruel and unfair (living should not have to be an act of rebellion), it is what ultimately I have to do. I’ve always know this but Im going to commit to it now. I don’t regret it taking so long but I will regret it taking me any longer.

And yea there will be setbacks (● ˃̶͈̀ロ˂̶͈́)੭ꠥ⁾⁾ but it must be done

Anorexia is a cunt

Diary of a former ‘Anorexic’

I’ve been thinking about the over-medicalisation of Anorexia Nervosa and how it limits recovery...

thought wip - aim reframing / focus on self autonomy

“Eating disorders are not a lifestyle choice.” - Time to change blog. 

Would it be radical to say... what if they are a choice? 

We are prayed on. They tell us the eating disorder is not a choice. Then we die. 

They obscure the role of capitalism in generating these problems and encourage a focus on individual dysfunction.  

We die because we are trapped in a state of disorder and self-blame.

Let's stop blaming ourselves and get angry instead!

The amount of eating disorder tags I had to fliter should be illegal

Especially because its bullshit like "4n0r3x14" "741n890" or god forbid "ed without the sheeran"

people talk about eating disorders ruining lives but they don’t talk about the anorexia to binge eating disorder to bulimia to back to anorexia pipeline. how one misstep during recovery can lead to a whole new disorder. how once disordered relationships with food have its claws in you it refuses to let you go.

I <3 you carbs, I <3 you processed foods, I <3 you fats, I <3 you "unhealthy" foods, I <3 you proteins, I <3 you veggies, I <3 you fruits, I <3 you "junk" food, I <3 you eating in a way that makes you feel good physically and mentally, I hate you diet culture I hate you food fearmongering I hate you I hate you I hate you

TRIGGER WARNING, THIS POST IS ABOUT EATONG DISORDERS!!! KEEP YOURSELVES SAFE!!!!

I'm in my developmental psychology class in college and I am PISSED that my middle AND high school totally misexplain eating disorders!!!!

They always told me anorexia is the "not eating one" and bulimia I'd the "purging/vomiting one" BUT THAT'S NOT TRUE!

Anorexia is categorized but being dangerously underweight, a relentless pursuit of thinness, and a distorted body image

This can be achieved through purging behavior!

This is the one you may hear about having a specific weight criteria

Bulimia can be normal weight or even slightly over!

They are characterized by regular engagement in binge eating episodes followed by purging or compulsory weight loss behavior

Not necessarily vomiting!

They might feel a loss of control around food and will end up trying to "make up" for it by vomiting, laxatives, other medication OR over exercising!

I know high schools and especially middle schools tend to 'dumb down' their information to make it easier for children to learn and to get through enough material but is it really appropriate to dumb down eating disorders?!

Come on!!

I think this is very important for people to know! If you think you may have an eating disorder, including binge eating which I didn't mention in the post bc it is usually taught correctly (or at least it was to me), but please seek help!

There are people who care about you! You matter and there is nothing wrong with your body or your brain!

You are perfect how you are, please don't feel afraid to ask for the help you need!

oh god ed reddit is having the “uwu anorexia isn’t rooted in fatphobia my mental illness is not abt you” talk again please god help me

fatphobia doesn’t mean “being a meanie to fat ppl” i’m begging you to use critical thinking skills for five seconds and apply what you know about literally any other form of oppression to this situation.

people’s point isn’t that you having anorexia makes them feel bad and therefore you’re a bad fatphobic person.

they’re pointing out how the deeply ingrained fatphobia our society upholds, from misconceptions about health to moralization of looks and weight, including yes being jerks to fat ppl’s faces bc they’re fat, is affecting what you think about your own looks, weight, health, body, clothes, eating habits, etc.

the logic isn’t “you became anorexic because you hate fat people so much you never wanted to be fat yourself (and that makes you a bad person)” it’s “fatphobia is a prism that transforms the root cause of your ed into disordered thoughts, behaviors, and patterns (and unlearning fatphobia will help you with recovery and harm-reduction)”

like. it’s not for no reason that anorexia is a disorder that disproportionatedly affects women. it’s not for no reason that there’s sky high comorbidity rates for eds and ocd. it’s not for no reason that people who need control in their lives so badly that they develop a mental disorder abt it get obssessed with being skinny and not with being a sumo. it’s not for no reason that ppl who feel the need to retract to childhood due to trauma envy things like being skinny light and frail, instead of being a tubby baby. it’s not for no reason that there is an incredibly common anorexic thought pattern (internal and self-directed, don’t make me say what i didn’t say) that associaties restriction and weight loss with moral goodness.

for each of these there IS a number of exceptions, but you can see case by case how the root cause (trauma, need for control, for self-destruction, growing up poor, whatever you think is “unrelated to fatphobia” basically) is processed through the prism of the fatphobic culture we’ve all been raised in. some people just, voluntarily or not, deal with those root causes in different way, which might or might not be healthy. but it’s a consequence of ambiant fatphobia that “i should starve and be skinny about it” is a statistically pretty common response to this distress.

the point isn’t “it’s fatphobic that you don’t deal with your neuroses in a body positive way uwu” the point is that no matter how cool you are with fat people on like, a personal level, you’ve been (like the rest of us) bombarded with fatphobic thought patterns your entire life basically, both directly fatphobic things and reactions to this fatphobia. maybe spoken to you directly, maybe not. maybe about you maybe about other people. you live in a society that places moral values into looks and health, and also pushes some deeply rooted falsehoods about how those things tie into each other. you have a disorder defined by obsessive behaviors. maybe, just maybe, deconstructing the logic that those obsessives behaviors are based upon will help you deal with this disorder. and recover or reduce harm.

basically, anorexia isn’t “getting skinny disorder” it’s “obsession disorder”, obsession with looking attractive, or pleasing your family, or going back to being a kid, or being healthy, or being fit, or being driven and capable, or being worth saving, or having your suffering known, or having control over something, or whatever. the fatphobia that is omnipresent (and i repeat, omnipresent, nobody is singling you out as a bad fatphobic meanie, or even talking about your behavior towards other people around you) in our society picks the direction in which many many people will express that disorder.

of course if you live in a society that tells you “being fat is morally bad” at every turn, when you start developping an obssessive pathological need to control things, without another factor weighting in, most people’s default reaction will be anorexia. food is a regular fixture of everybody’s life, everyone wants to be morally good, and even if we know/understand/believe to an extent the flaws of that “fat = bad” logic we know the world around us still believes it, and nobody wants to be treated like shit. we can think it’s stupid and fight against fatphobia and work to treat fat ppl better in our lives and support body positivity, but in any case, one always judges oneself on different metrics than they judge others, cuz we control our self-improvement. that’s natural. just it doesn’t mesh well with a pathologically obssessive need for control above self-preservation.

07.08.2023

ooooo god the ED thoughts are so bad again

I will not binge or purge in 2024.

I'm trying recovery again. I will binge & purge 0 times in 2024. Which will be so fucking hard since I b/p like 5 times a day. Please if you have any tips or advice, tell me. I need help.

I will not binge or purge in 2024.

I will not binge or purge in 2024.

I will binge & purge 0 times in 2024.

I will binge & purge 0 times in 2024.

I will binge & purge 0 times in 2024.

I will binge & purge 0 times in 2024.

I will binge & purge 0 times in 2024.