#FUCK YOUR STUPID FUCKING CENSORSHIP
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TRIGGER WARNING, THIS POST IS ABOUT EATONG DISORDERS!!! KEEP YOURSELVES SAFE!!!!
I'm in my developmental psychology class in college and I am PISSED that my middle AND high school totally misexplain eating disorders!!!!
They always told me anorexia is the "not eating one" and bulimia I'd the "purging/vomiting one" BUT THAT'S NOT TRUE!
Anorexia is categorized but being dangerously underweight, a relentless pursuit of thinness, and a distorted body image
This can be achieved through purging behavior!
This is the one you may hear about having a specific weight criteria
Bulimia can be normal weight or even slightly over!
They are characterized by regular engagement in binge eating episodes followed by purging or compulsory weight loss behavior
Not necessarily vomiting!
They might feel a loss of control around food and will end up trying to "make up" for it by vomiting, laxatives, other medication OR over exercising!
I know high schools and especially middle schools tend to 'dumb down' their information to make it easier for children to learn and to get through enough material but is it really appropriate to dumb down eating disorders?!
Come on!!
I think this is very important for people to know! If you think you may have an eating disorder, including binge eating which I didn't mention in the post bc it is usually taught correctly (or at least it was to me), but please seek help!
There are people who care about you! You matter and there is nothing wrong with your body or your brain!
You are perfect how you are, please don't feel afraid to ask for the help you need!
#tw eating disorder#tw disordered eating#eating disoder trigger warning#anorexia#anorexia nervosa#bulimia#bulimia nervosa#WHY ARE NONE OF THESE TAGS#BUT#anorex14#anorexcya#ARE??#FUCK YOUR STUPID FUCKING CENSORSHIP#YOU ASSHOLES#psychology
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The political climate right now as a queer writer with a deep appreciation for the arts and especially literature is fucking abysmal. Writer friends are yelled at to delete queerness or violence from their stories. And you still think this is just about someone getting in a hissy fit over Blorbo 1 being too young for Blorbo 2 and someone writing about them fuckin.
#anti anti#anti censorship#queer writers#writerblr#writers on tumblr#yell at politicians and jfc yell at corporations that work with publishing#us politics#this is like someone saying closet antisemites uncloseting themselves in wake of the atrocities going on in gaza isnt an issue bc its online#well online is a place too#AND this reflects on real life. random jewish diaspora who have no personal stake in whats happening in israel and palestine#have been getting harassed and threatened and worse for the sin of being a jew#just because its 'online' does not mean its not also a problem irl-- even bigger irl#maybe you're the one that's so chronically online if you think things that happen online stay there forever#creators have been doxxed online. it's not inconsequential. its not funny. im not laughing.#hate the high horse stance of 'its not on my front yard so therefore doesnt exist and youre stupid for caring'#conservatives think like this too#well *I* dont personally know any queer people so its alright if they get murdered as long as my gas prices might go down#fuck you i got mine kind of ideology#well fuck you too
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sorry but i find it really hard to believe that ao3 was down because of some sudanese hate group that's mad about lgbt content. that Literally just sounds like something people who donate way too much money to ao3 would make up to convince themselves that theyre oppressed for reading incest fanfiction and that the ao3 staff are heroes who are immune to criticism
#ive also seen people blame it on ''''antis'''' (aka normal people) and the russian government. you are all so fucking stupid im sorry#why would ANY government of ANY country care enough about a fanfiction website to do this#i think youre severely overestimating the importance of ao3 and how much the average person cares about ao3#also wasnt it confirmed that whoever attacked the site wasnt actually from sudan. hello#what is it with ao3 users and accusing random countries of trying to destroy their precious fanfiction website#like didnt they also accuse some random chinese person who was running for a staff position of being a pro censorship psyop#i dont know all the details so maybe im misunderstanding but i feel like that was something that happened
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dang it may be 3 am but seeing all these dumb takes on soviet history by tankies has made me Really wanna get back on shostakovichposting
like . soviet history is never as cut and dry as many people on multiple sides of an ideological argument will have you believe, but I will say that researching it properly will make you hate tankies
#rambles#anyway thinking of the lady izdihar video where she was like “the 30s soviet union was a lot of experimentation#and sometimes those experiments didn't work out right!"#like collectivization and censorship and the holodomor and the great purges. ok#like is soviet history nuanced . sure; history always is#but acting like the 30s was just “experimenting” as if stalin was completely naive and had the best intentions is Fucking Stupid at best#and at worst very harmful#I will acknowledge she's very well read but she's also extremely biased#and overly positive views of history in general aren't the way to combat overly negative ones#literally just . tell the truth and show nuance and state the facts and cite your sources#it's not hard#like I have opinions on plenty of historical figures and events#but if I'm trying to inform people on them in a serious context I will just state the facts as I know them#proper historical research is so so important guys
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someone on here will say "I don't support censorship" and everyone in the notes will be like "I can't believe you're just admitting you like incest and pedophilia"
#aka something showed up on my for you tab and i (like an idiot) looked at the notes#what a dumpster fire#i try not to act like things are beneath me but this whole pro/anti ship argument is 100% beneath me lmao#im a librarian. do not come at me with that bullshit lol#im quite chronically online but thank god im not THAT chronically online#take a walk. read some books that aren't fanfiction and aren't on your phone#read problematic classics and go ''huh that didn't fuck with my head the way everyone said it would. guess im better than them''#bc its TRUE#YOU ARE THE ONE WHO LETS MEDIA DEFINE YOU. YOU ARE THE ONES THAT SETS THOSE BOUNDARIES#if YOU cannot maintain YOUR OWN BOUNDARIES IT DOES NOT BECOME EVERYONE ELSE'S FAULT#sorry you're stupid and bad at internalizing new information but that is not my fucking problem#anyways. fuck censorship i love ao3 i love reading problematic books etc etc. block me if you think otherwise#exposing yourself to things you dislike so you can grow does NOT mean you will grow to like that thing#christ you all sound so bland and boring lol
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oh fuck off honestly.
#kosms#I’m so fucking tired of this shit#stop blaming china for the fact that shitty companies can’t do even the bare minimum of representation#it’s not bc of a single country that you don’t get the gays in your silly media#and you know. I get it. censorship#but at that they don’t actually care about what the problem is#they just wanna scapegoat lack of represen#to a country that is an acceptable target#and I think it’s sooo shitty#like. if they were advocating#for lgbtq rights in china#I’d be willing to listen! but that’s not what they do!#the people who complain about this#don’t care about the actual human rights#they don’t care if a gay or trans person in china is able to live a comfortable life#they only care that their fav media is getting the short end of the stick???#idk it just reads as fucking stupid to me#not targeting the person who made the video specifically.#just like. in general. because I still see this argument every now and then
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hi 1 quastion . why did i actually just have to explain to a grown ass man why racism is Bad
#man was talking about free speech and censorship on the internet#'if a website is gonna start factchecking shit that is blatantly wrong-#-and shutting down accounts for nothing then they shouldnt be considered a neutral party. they should take responsibility'#YES WE LIKE THIS#'so shutting down donald trumps twitter was a stupid ass decision-' NO !!!! WE DONT LIKE THIS#and he literally leads into saying 'stuff like racism.. antisemitism sexism etc it sucks BUT'#'if you can go to the town hall and have a debate then you should be allowed to post your opinion on the internet'#!??!!!!!!! ??????????????? !!??!!!!!!!!!!!! BRO WHAT#you . you shouldnt fucking be allowed to DEBATE RACISM at the TOWN HALL ??#'there are good opinions and there are bad opinions' ok why would you ENDORSE a bad opinion though#a bad opinion that gets people hurt?? killed?? ok so 50 year old jack posts smth racist on facebook#yeah his post specifically doesnt go out and kill someone but holy shit dude people see those ideologies#and they grow and spread around and holy shit why would you want to SPREAD RACISM whether its 'harmless' or not#or ANY bigoted fucking viewpoints at all holy shit#what the fuck is wrong with you <3 i hope you die and go to hell#delete later#free speech protects you from the government not the website dumbass
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Unpopular opinion but if swearing has become such a problem on YouTube (according to their dumbass guidelines) I'd rather watch a video where YouTubers make an effort not to swear in their videos than listen to the dumb censor noise they have decided to use.
#i mean i'd rather the person just keep the swears#but since youtube guidelines has threatened to take away their income#you'd think they would just not swear#your censored swear words are annoying#and like i get some words are triggering and i'll tolerate the censorship for those people's comfort#but as someone who works in a school i have heard 10 year olds swear#and youtube thinking forcing censorship on their creators will protect the children is fucking stupid
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to people getting sinophobic over the whole Tiffany G and Ao3 thing: y'all better watch out because I am currently hiding in your walls with a knife in my hand
#and fucking STOP spreading misinfo about China#I'm not pro china#for clarification I'm not pro west either I just find the power plays between them irritating#BUT#get your head out of your asses. it doesn't fucking mean y'all can start being racist#and spread misinformation fucking everywhere#it's at times like this when I understand why people are so anti-west bc y'all are fucking stupid!!#the amount of shit takes I've had to see on twitter today. it was not it#and tiktok too#i hate you guys y'all are so fucking tiring#frostbitesjc thinks out loud#also for further clarification: no I'm not turning this whole tiffany wanting censorship thing into a race/nationality issue#but you guys certainly are by being racist so like.
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So apparently KOSA (2024 edition) is getting either thrown out until next year or put into effect in six days. That was a guesstimate based on a different person saying that's when Congress is back in session and may be false.
Update that's going in the main post at the top: it has enough support to pass Congress.
It failed the last two times because people were voting against it.
This time, KOSA has traction among the pro-LGBTQ parties. Because nobody is fucking calling their bullshit and screaming from the rooftops that calling it the "Kids Online Safety Act" is misleading.
What will it passing do?
Nothing much, only prevent any education on LGBTQIA+ (it's that stupid fucking argument about us grooming kids again), shut down nearly every fandom space on the internet, and make it required for most big tech companies to have your ID.
Want to have resources for kids to discover their identity readily available? Yes? Then fucking speak up against this stupid fucking bill.
Fandom spaces like Tumblr, Twitter (? I thought the MAGA assholes liked Musk?), Tiktok, Archive Of Our Own, and any other website that hosts fanfic or fanart? Either shut down permanently, forced to uproot to a different country and down for a while (best case scenario, and they likely won't be able to send any data, and therefore fanfics, to the US), or gutted so that you only get to put G rated cishet ships on there, if any shipping at all. How to avoid that? I've already said it: Call your fucking representatives.
Want to avoid the fucking dystopic task of being legally obligated to give big tech your government issue ID? Again, cause an uproar. Call your goddamned representatives.
If they can pass this, the ripple effects could be catastrophic.
So, for fuck's sake, any Americans that can impact this stupid fucking bill and see this? Do everything in your power to shut it down because you have until February twenty sixth (26th) to send this bill back to where it belongs.
And if you can't do that? Reblog, copy my tags, and boost the signal.
Sorry not sorry for ranting, making you scroll through that, and swearing a probably excessive amount, but KOSA is a bill with a GLOBAL IMPACT being passed by ONE COUNTRY because some old people are scared of two guys with who were told they were girls kissing within five hundred miles of a child. Fuck this shit, I shouldn't have to worry about bad bills in America but I fucking do because I use the internet and would like to avoid mass censorship. Fuck this, fuck conservatives, and fuck the fact that some boomers make your country's policies.
Now, if you won't mind me, I'm going to be up until three in the morning downloading fanfiction or copying and pasting them into a a text file if I can't so I can read them by the end of the week.
#kids online safety act#media preservation#kosa#kosa bill#ao3#archive of our own#tumblr#tumblr meta#fandom psa#fandom spaces#fandom#important#psa#bad internet bills#twitter#internet censorship#internet#very important post#anti censorship#anti conservative#signal boost#fanfic#fanfiction#<- these tags are relevant because they will be lost for god knows how long if this stupid bill passes#stop kosa#stop kids online safety act#tiktok#i don't like that one but censorship is censorship dammit and it's on the list
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seing people write 'unaliving' and 'g-cide' or whatever other stupid self-censorship is so absolutely annoying because like - for one, we've already acknowledged that there was never any proof that saying 'kill' would actually lead to posts being algorithmically suppressed, and the entire thing was just paranoid self-reinforcement - and for two, who fucking cares if your post doesn't go #trending, if it means not writing in an infantile and euphemistic way about an ongoing genocide?
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im always reminded of that one tweet that explained, the power of dictatorships is less about enforcing laws and being successful in censoring the shit out of you, but about enforcing the most ridiculous shit on earth, mud-stuck-on-wall degree of shit, the kind everyone with two braincells is aware is shit and ridiculous and hysterical, and enforcing it succesfully. its not about whether a state truly believes in their policies or their mission, its not even about whether they believe (and care about) that the public, the citizens, believe it. its about enforcing, and enforcing it successfully. its about the fact that they know you know and can still do it. thats the power.
#an absolute regime has power when it can make you do things you know are stupid and bad and you can do nothing about it#its about. keeping that illusion even though everyone knows its fake.#its about. making you into a clown and youre forced to thank them for it#we live in a Society#many thoughts tonight.#that means its not about maintaining an illusion. its about maintaining power over your life.#im always so raw when im reading stuff about censorships.#like on one hand its hard for me to understand.#i grew up in a free country that values its citizens. its always an exercise for me to contextualize whats going on there.#on the other i have this legacy where two generations of my mother's side lived through dictatorships.#i grew up in a free country but raised by people who never were free and continue to live in that period of their life mentally#so its. its making me so fucking raw#talking to the moon
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absolutely fucking insane to me how being against the unabashed publishing of LITERAL CHILD PORN OR BLATANTLY RACIST CONTENT (or BOTH at the same time) is the hot topic of the moment about AO3. the people clamoring for that tiffany g girl to get the boot from the board are freaks of fucking nature and make me embarrassed to even share an online space with you braindead fucks
#y'all and you're stupid posts comparing the censorship of gay media to BANNING ACTUAL CP ABOUT REAL OR FICTIONAL KIDS +#+ is gonna send me into an early fucking grave#i cannot believe i saw someone bring up what is going in florida in the us as a legitimate argument point#like#do you realize you are defending harmful content towards children with the same level +#+ one would fight about if it were just a regular fandom dispute???????#WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO COEXIST WITH SUCH A CESSPOOL?#I WILL NEVER BE COMFORTABLE KNOWING MY WORKS LIVE NEXT TO GRAPHIC OR VIOLENT DEPICTIONS OF CHILDREN IN MEDIA#YOU FUCKING FREAKS#if i have to see another motherfucking slave play/eugenics sounding harry potter fanfic on the MAIN TAG ONE MORE TIME#i will bash my head open because sincerely i just think y'all have WILLINGLY lost the plot#i'm so tired of this#why would anyone with a rational mind and heart think it is completely to normal to let that fester#on a site meant for inclusivity and the freedom of imagination#your disgusting filth about the kids of stranger things or the anime kids or real kpop idols is not worth the wasted space#you fucking weirdos#begging you to get some actual psychological help#archive of our own#ao3
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My Dearest La
Dear La
Lance,
I really hate it when you’re right.
I know you are smiling as you read this. I can see it so clearly in my head. You are rolling your eyes now, probably, in fact you are probably even straining yourself. But I bet you are still smiling.
…
I miss you.
You told me leaving was stupid. Well, we screamed about it. I don’t like that I left angry. I should have waited so we could have been — well, I don’t know. I just don’t like that I left without saying goodbye properly. I don’t like that I didn’t get to kiss the smush between your eyebrows that you get when you’re mad
The bottom line is that I’m sorry. And I can’t do anything about it now because what’s done is done but. I wish I did. I’m sorry this message is so dorky. I can’t help how I feel about you. I promise I’ll be more — suave, or whatever, in my next one. There’s this Blade I hang out with sometimes, Sedrit, she is awkwardly funny like you. She has promised to give me some pointers because she’s as nosy as you are and read over my shoulder all the other times I tried to write this letter. I don’t trust her judgement but I’d walk into a wall on purpose in front of Pidge’s cameras if I could guarantee it’d make you laugh I think we could always use a smile. I’m ending this letter now because I’m embarrassed and if I write one more line I’ll lose my nerve.
Love,
Warm regards,
Sincerely,
Love,
Keith
———
“Sir? Sir! Hold on! Sir!”
The Balmeran turns, looking back at him curiously. He leans heavily on his cane, back hunched but chin set squarely.
“Yes, Blade?”
Keith jogs all the way over to him, stopping a respectful distance away. He reaches up to deactivate his mask, which he is not supposed to do, but the mask is fucking creepy, okay, it makes people uneasy so clearly that even Keith can see it, so fuck Kolivan’s lectures. He’s vindicated by the visible relaxing of the Balmeran’s shoulders.
“I need — a favour,” Keith says haltingly. His own shoulders begin to hunch. “If you don’t mind.”
The Balmeran’s stiff brows lift in surprise. He looks deliberately down at his newly-bandaged leg, then back up at Keith. Keith flushes.
“A… favour.”
All the pockets on Keith’s uniform are square-shaped and small. Deep, but not very long. Anything he puts in there gets squished. Except for the long, thin pocket-thing hidden against the outside of his thigh.
The letter has been stuffed carefully in there for two weeks. It’s a miracle it hasn’t been destroyed. The top left corner of it has gotten frayed, because Keith keeps catching himself rubbing it with the pad of his thumb.
“I know you’ve been through so much,” Keith says quietly. “I’m sorry even to ask.”
The Balmeran’s stance is still carefully guarded, practiced —
“As have you.”
— but his eyes are soft and knowing.
Keith lets out a long, heavy breath. He slides the letter gently out of its spot, turning it over in his hands; inspecting the familiar creases, ink stains. It’s a rough, recycled envelope. Made out of old briefing notes, by the looks of it, thick black lines of censorship streaking across the pale yellow surface. An ugly thing, really.
“I need to get this to the Red Paladin of Voltron,” he says, forcing himself to hand the thing over. “I don’t — I can’t send it through the Empire delivery service, for obvious reasons. And Voltron’s location is always encrypted. I —” He stops, mouth clamping shut, because suddenly the words have become impossible to force out through the lump in his throat. He hasn’t talked to the team in weeks. He has no way of contacting them without putting them — or himself — in danger. There will be absolutely no way for Lance to send him a letter back, even if he wants to. The whole thing seems, abruptly, a painful kind of hopeless.
And yet.
“I will pass it along,” promises the Balmeran, voice flooded with kind understanding. He wraps his hands around Keith’s, squeezing once, before gently prying the letter out of his clenched fingers. “I don’t know how long it will take, but I have a someone who works in Emerg-med. She travels frequently, and should be able to take it farther than I can.”
“Thank you,” Keith chokes out, blinking rapidly.
The Balmeran smiles. “Keep strong, child.”
———
“Granddaughter,” greets the old man warmly. The young woman turns at his voice, laughing in delight when she sees him and enveloping him carefully in an embrace.
“Grandfather! You’re well!”
“I’m alive,” he corrects, teasingly.
She takes the jest in stride. “You are alive, and so you are well. I am so happy to see you.” There is genuine love in her voice. She holds tightly to his arm. “Are you staying in care long?”
He shakes his head. “No, dear. I dropped by only to see you. And,” he digs around in his pocket, carefully extracting a letter, placing it in her waiting hands, “to ask a favour.”
“A letter?”
“For the Red Paladin, from the Black.”
“I see.” She frowns thoughtfully, turning the paper over in her hands. “Last I heard, they were rebuilding on Ilso. I am going only as far as Igrendia, to visit my cousin.”
“Pass it along then,” he suggests.
She promises she will.
———
A young girl, to her cousin: “Imeld! Can you pass something along for me?”
A cousin, to her lover: “If you could drop it off at the supply camp when you stop by.”
A lover, to his father: “A friend of mine works in that fuel stop. Let him know I sent you?”
A father, to a friend of a friend: “Only a couple stops left, I reckon.”
A friend of a friend, to a friend of a friend, to a friend of a friend: “It’s almost there.
———
A friend of a friend of a friend, to a Paladin:
“I think this is yours. It’s travelled a while.”
———
A smile aches at the apples of Lance’s cheeks. Salt drips onto his tongue, and he swallows, breath shuddering.
“You — dorky asshole,” he whispers, and tucks the envelope in the secret pocket on the thigh of his undersuit.
———
Lance,
I have no idea if my last letter got to you. I hope it did, if not, here’s the rundown: you were right, I regret leaving, and I miss you.
Anyways.
Today I was on a mission in a planet that was just a huge wildflower field. Just — hundreds of hundreds of flowers, every colour you can imagine and then some. It smelled like you. I cried.
Do you remember when we snuck out of that negotiation — thing? Whatever it was? And you poked me hard in the arm and loudly complained about how much of a bummer I was being. And you dared me to roll down the hill with you. And when I was laughing at the bottom of the hill because you had just so much grass in your hair you crawled over me and kissed me like you’d been waiting to do it.
I remember how we kissed until my lips bruised after. And then we just lay there, until I got fidgety, and then you pulled us both up and walked around picking flowers and sticking them in my hair and snickering. This was the flower. Doesn’t it look like the one you brought back?
I thought of you a lot today. It hurt a little bit. A lot bit. I missed you until it ached.
I hope I see you in the flowers again soon.
I love you more than the stars
Love, and lots of it,
Keith
———
“Hey, Sedrit.”
His voice is as hushed as he can make it. He doesn’t want to wake the others. But she won’t be asleep — she never sleeps before big missions. She says it’s because the adrenaline keeps her alert, puffing up her chest. But Keith knows that she prays because she is afraid that she will die.
She doesn’t answer, so he kicks the bottom of the mattress above him. He hears a huff, and then seconds later, a curtain of hair flops over the side of the top bunk, and her wide, pupil-less eyes blink into focus.
“What do you want, shithead.”
He smiles at her guiltily. “A favour?”
“Ugh.”
But she looks at him in begrudging acceptance.
“I need you to — drop something off, when you go to El-dan. Ask another Blade there if they could pass on a letter.”
She must read his tone, because the annoyance vanishes from her expression. She reaches over and flicks him in the nose.
“Yeah, lovebird. I can pass on your letter.”
———
“Hey, man, could you send this along the next off-world?”
“What for?”
“For true love. Or because I asked you to.”
———
“I don’t know what it is. It’s classified. But it needs to get to the Red Paladin.”
———
“I heard it’s news of an ambush!”
“Well, it can’t be news now. It’s weeks old at least.”
“Yes, well, drop it off anyways. It’s Voltron business, you know.”
———
Lance’s door slide opens.
“I have — correspondence,” says Allura, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “I was informed of a possible ambush? Perhaps we should read the letter together.”
Prepared remark about greetings and knocking and why they were invented flee Lance’s tongue, and his controller clatters to the ground in his haste to meet her.
“Lemme see,” he demands, snatching the letter straight from her hands. Her protests fall on deaf ears.
You were right, I regret leaving, I miss you.
He grins.
“What is that?”
“No ambush,” he says breathlessly, floating back over to his bed. He traces the shape of every letter, the blots of smudged ink. The scratch of the words is just as important as the content of the letter, Lance has found. He’s long since memorized the first letter, but he still finds himself drawing it out of his pocket, unfolding it with a shaky sort of reverence, studying every slanted T and looped L, closing his eyes and letting the impression of the ink burn into his eyelids. The cadence of the words have become song, hummed over and over and over again in his head.
This time, there’s a drawing. It does indeed look similar to the one hanging, dried, at the head of his bed. He presses the tip of his thumb into the center of it, breathing hard, rapidly blinking away the tears so they don’t drop and ruin the paper.
“I remember,” he manages, half-choked. “I remember, I remember.”
When he looks up again, hours have passed, and Allura has long since left, closing the door quietly behind her.
———
Lance, my love,
I know we do not talk about the observation deck.
It is your sacred place, I think. When you sit in the middle of the floor and look up at the glowing stars and the planets cast shadows on your face and make your eyes shine gold as sunlight the only way to describe you is holy. The first time I ever saw you like that it made my stomach hurt. When I think about it now I miss you so much the ache spreads all the way to my teeth.
When I was a kid I read about how grief makes you hurt but time makes you forget. I read about how men begin to forget the shape of their late wives’ smile. Or the slope of her nose. I read about how children begin to forget the slant of their fathers’ shoulder. How mothers forget the way their babies curled their fist.
Missing you hurts like unravelling. You’re all I think about. I will never forget the fit of your hand in mine as long as I remember how to speak. And I will know the ridges of your teeth so long as I can taste. I will know the length of your back as long as I can walk. I will remember the curve of your lips as long as I can blink. I will know the way you glowed in floating blue starlight until my brain shuts down and my organs fail me.
Patroclus said I will know him in death and at the end of the world.
I will know you every waking second of my life, and I will make myself remember for every nanosecond in between.
Nothing will compare to holding you in my arms again.
Keith
———
Sedrit has officially been declared missing in action. A new soldier has taken her bunk.
Keith’s stomach hurts all the time, now.
“Just — one time,” Keith begs.
“You have way more training than that job requires,” says Kolivan.
“I know. I just —” He realises, suddenly, that even if he had an argument he does not have the strength to make it. The letter creases in his clenched hands. “Please.”
For a long moment the Blade leader does not speak. Keith meets his searching gaze, but his eyes are blank, unfocused. Exhaustion pulls at his features. His hood droops on his shoulders.
“In an out, Keith,” Kolivan relents finally. “A supply mission should take less than four vargas. I want you back here then and not a tick later, so you understand?”
Keith could cry in relief, but Kolivan looks stiff enough already. Should Keith express an emotion in front of him he might be forced into a total system reset, and his programming might not be prepared for that.
“Thank you,” he says instead, and rushes off before he can change his mind.
Matt is leading the supply run. This letter might land right in Lance’s hands.
———
“I’ll get it to him, Keith.”
“Thank you, Matt. I owe you.”
“Take care of yourself, man. They all miss you.”
“…I miss them too.”
———
Matt hands him the letter without a word. No one else says anything, either, when he clenched it tightly between his thumb and forefinger and walks right out of the bridge. Not even Shiro, whose gaze Lance can feel bore a hole into the back of his head.
You’re all I think about, writes Keith’s neat cursive, and Lance presses the paper to his chest and cries.
———
My Lance,
I hate it here.
I miss you.
———
Alarm bells shriek through the headquarters. Keith has become numb to them, at this point.
He slides the letter in between the pages of an intelli-file and hopes.
———
CLASSIFIED
FOR VOLTRON’S EYES ONLY
BIOMETRICS REQUIRED
WILL SELF DESTRUCT
———
There is a letter waiting on his bed when Lance gets back from his mission on Efid-d. He has not slept in three days. His vision is blurry.
He falls asleep with the paper open in his hands, mirroring the curve of Keith’s body.
———
My love,
Naxzela. Soon. I think Kolivan knows there’s something wrong. I’m gonna I might I think I can stay, for a bit. Hopefully.
Well, I will see you again. Damn it all. I don’t care about the world I don’t care about the Empire I don’t care about anything, anymore, I just want to come home —
Naxzela.
It will be weeks until I see you face to face on this mission but already everything seems less bleak. I will admit some of the anger has crept in. I feel awful. I’m trying to remember what you said, in the very beginning, before you kissed me in the flowers. When you held my hands in the purple light and said we make a good team.
I know you say you don’t remember it, you goober. You do. You get embarrassed when I bring it up, that’s how I know. You always get embarrassed when you’re caught being vulnerable.
I loved you then, you know. I didn’t know it then but I did. I thought about your hand in mine for weeks. You have always been so central to me.
Soon, sweetheart. Soon I can hold you again.
Naxzela.
———
He doesn’t bother sending this one along. He tucks it in the secret pocket on the side of his pants, and with every passing day it grows heavier and the weight on his chest grows lighter.
———
When the shield closes over the planet and Keith says, it’s been an honour serving with you all, the scream starts at the bottom of Lance’s feet. It comes up to his knees when he sees the pod speeding towards it, up to his chest when Shiro barks at him to stay in formation. It catches in his throat as he wrenches Red away.
It echoes through space when the pod hits the shield in a shower of blue sparks and grey smoke, and Prince Lotor defects to their side one nanosecond too late.
———
The beep of the healing pod synchs with Lance’s heartbeat. It can’t quite drown out the screech echoing in Lance’s head; that keeps going, and going, and going.
Soon, sweetheart.
He sobs into the half-burned paper.
———
“You better keep your promise, you dorky asshole.”
———
Healing pods have always smelt, inexplicably, of burnt hair.
He hears the slide of the glass door opening, then the whoosh of air as he pitches forward before his arms are awake enough to stop him. Luckily, he falls right into bony arms, and the smell of flowers and sunshine quickly envelops him.
“You motherfucker,” says a voice, heavy with tears, and Keith smiles.
“Hi, sweetheart,” he croaks.
His Lance sobs. The hands on the sides of his arms slide slowly down to his wrists, gripping tightly. Keith forces his eyes open, blinking away the bleariness. Lance has his own eyes squeezed shut, like he’s too afraid to look, head bowed.
Well, that simply won’t do.
“Lance, baby, look at me.”
“You motherfucker,” Lance repeats, and finally he does look up but he’s glaring angrier than Keith has ever seen him. Keith grins wider. “You motherfucker, you damn near lied to me.”
Slowly, half convinced he’ll move to fast and wake up on his bunk, alone, he reaches up and cups Lance’s cheeks. He swipes his thumbs carefully over wet cheekbones, exhaling shakily, revelling in the feel of Lance’s skin under his, finally, finally, finally.
“I’m home, Lance,” he whispers. Tears spring from his own eyes. “Sweetheart, I’m home.”
“Stay,” Lance begs, like he should have months and months ago, like he meant to, like he wanted to.
“There’s no other option,” Keith promises, and as he leans in and presses their lips together, finally, tasting the salt and licking the ridge of his teeth and swallowing every shuddering breath, he vows to never send a letter again.
He’ll tell Lance all he needs to hear himself.
———
all art by @mothmanavenue
concept from this post
#THANK YOU MOTH I LOVE YOU TO PIECES YOURE RHE BESTEST#vld#voltron#lance#lance mcclain#keith#keith kogane#klance#establisbed klance#secret relationship#kind of#langst#keith angst#klangst#angst with a happy ending#naxzela#long distance relationships#brown eyed lance#blade keith#red paladin lance#soft keith#soft lance#soft klance#romantic keith#my writing#fic#longpost#artist keith
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dude the censorship on ~basically every social media platform~ is getting really fucking tiring
#i am TIRED of ads being shoved down our throats at all time everywhere#i am TIRED of wack ass censorship because of????? what the children??? fuck the kids if you don’t want your kids#to be seeing those stuff then make sure they don’t instead of making us say unalive#girl honestly social media is getting so fucking annoying i’m about to snap#and you’ll never hear from me ever again#not that anyone on here listened but#it’s just So Fucking Stupid all these unnecessary censorship
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snow angel - track one
series masterlist // next
1 YEAR LATER
liked by alex_albon, blakelively, mickschumacher and others
rheareynolds soft launches are a thing right?
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user1 nah cause how did lando no wins fumble her?
↳ user2 the better question is how did nowins ever bag her in the first place
user3 imagine fumbling the rhea reynolds. lando no bitches truly fucked up.
alex_albon i expect credits for that third picture. i was scarred for life.
↳ rheareynolds you're the one who barged in demanding we watch a movie.
user4 she's gone for a year, besides promotional purposes for her ep and comes back with a soft launch?
user5 MOTHER, WE DEMAND ANSWERS! WHO IS HE?
user6 can't believe a m*n stole my wife. she was for the girls and the gays only.
lilymhe can't believe some blonde bitch stole my wife.
↳ rheareynolds still yours baby. always 😘
↳ lilymhe good. blondie could never compete with me
↳ user7 i thank god everyday that rhea's break-up with no wins didn't take this wonderful duo from us.
vancityreynolds what the fuck? who is that? better not be some vroom guy again.
↳ rheareynolds don't you have children to take care of? blakelively you're overgrown toddler is loose again.
↳ blakelively oh how adorable! i expect to meet him when you're ready.
↳ vancityreynolds you're supposed to be on my side?
↳ blakelively i only married you for your sister.
↳ rheareynolds suck on that ryan!
↳ user8 this family is my everything.
charles_leclerc when did you start dating? why was i not informed of this?
↳ georgerussell63 or me?
↳ maxverstappen1 why did alex know before us?
↳ rheareynolds i told lily, who told alex. you think i wanted that guy to know?
↳ alex_albon i can read your comments rhea.
user9 no wins really thought everyone would drop rhea the moment they broke up these guys love her.
user10 WHY IS NO ONE LOSING THEIR SHIT OVER RHEA SOFT LAUNCHING? WHO IS THIS MAN? WE MUST HAVE ANSWERS!
↳ user11 as long as this one doesn't cheat on her, we don't really care.
↳ user12 something no wins never could do
george russell who is he?
charles leclerc we demand answers rhea!
pierre gasly i just like gossip
max verstappen oh so suddenly now she can't answer?
alex albon i love knowing something you guys don't
lily muni he reminder you only know because i accidentally told you
esteban ocon you people are stupid.
max verstappen excuse me?
esteban ocon i would recognize that blonde head of hair anywhere
lance stroll i would too. it’s mick
rhea reynolds BOOOOO! way to ruin my soft launch dumb and dumber
charles leclerc ANOTHER DRIVER?
george russell WHAT HAPPENED TO “I’LL NEVER DATE ANOTHER FUCKING DRIVER AGAIN?!”
rhea reynolds you’re gonna look at mick and say not to him?
lily muni he i wouldn’t. that’s like saying no to a puppy
alex albon they truly are the golden retriever and black cat trope.
lance stroll you’re fucking welcome
pierre gasly for what?
lance stroll for setting them up on a blind date? well lily helped.
lily muni he yeah i did! they’re great for each other
charles leclerc at least we know he won’t cheat on her like n*rris
rhea reynolds my brother would be proud of the censorship of his name. he still calls him no bitches to this day.
george russell well ryan is an icon and l*ndo has no bitches.
alex albon doesn't he have a girlfriend?
charles leclerc i thought they broke up?
max verstappen doesn't matter, in our hearts he will always remain bitchless
max verstappen and that is not me saying his girlfriend is a bitch. i've never met her.
rhea reynolds i heard she was nice girl. i just hope l*ndo didn't cheat on her like he did on me
daniel ricciardo what'd i miss?
liked by oscarpiastri, maxverstappen1, estebanocon and others
rheareynolds saw you bitches say on twitter i was trolling with my last post. i'm not, i am no longer bitchless. some people can't relate.
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user1 SHOTS FIRED! SHOTS FIRED!
user2 MAN DOWN! MAN DOWN!
estebanocon i'm telling him you called him a bitch
↳ rheareynolds do it you french fuck, i'll tell him you called him an overactive golden retriever puppy.
↳ estebanocon you wouldn't dare.
↳ rheareynolds try me bitch
user3 REGINA GEORGE HAS FIRED SHOTS!
user4 he may be bitchless but you still think about him
↳ user5 that's not the flex you think it is sweetie.
maxverstappen1 get this shit off my phone. it's gross.
↳ rheareynolds you dad is gross but you don't see me complaining do you?
↳ maxverstappen nice to know you're back to your old self
↳ rheareynolds and better than ever baby!
luisinhaoliveira99 is it me? am i the drama?
↳ rheareynolds no baby, it could never be about you 👩🏼❤️👩🏻
↳ user6 WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?
user7 OSCAR? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
↳ user8 this just got messy with a capital M
vancityreynolds rhea lobster reynolds, i demand to meet him.
↳ rheareynolds mom (blake) said you could meet him when i was ready.
↳ vancityreynolds and i'm supposed to care because?
↳ rheareynolds hey blakelively your overgrown toddler is back at it again!
↳ blakelively leave the poor girl alone ryan.
maxfretwell i would love to inform you that sushi just let out an unholy screech
↳ rheareynolds must be because he's bitchless, can't relate.
daniel ricciardo oh, so that's what i missed!
↳ user9 not this man being confused on what's going on. me fr.
it's mick isn't it?
how the fuck?
i'm your older brother dumbass. besides, mick's the only blonde esteban hangs out with. that i know of.
you're not as stupid as everyone says you are.
who the fuck is saying i'm stupid?
your mom
WE SHARE THE SAME MOM DUMBASS!
i know, and she says you're stupid.
i still expect to meet him, as your boyfriend.
of course you do.
rhea reynolds added one person
rhea reynolds ryan figured it out.
mick schumacher i told you he wasn't as stupid as you thought he was.
daniel ricciardo YOU'RE DATING MICK? WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME?
max verstappen you're supposed to read the group chat dumbass
charles leclerc l*ndo just called carlos to complain.
rhea reynolds good. he deserves to suffer.
mick schumacher she wrote an album about him
rhea reynolds NOT TRUE! THERE'S AT LEAST ONE SONG ABOUT YOU ON THERE! MAYBE MORE!
lily muni he is there another song about me? 🥰
alex albon you two said what can i do was a joke!
rhea reynolds lily, babe, that song wasn't about you?
lily muni he WHAT? EXCUSE ME?
rhea reynolds it was about a hypothetical with this other girl, who's not important. but i told you it was about you because you were so happy?
lily muni he don't ever talk to me again. i'm heartbroken.
pierre gasly it's giving charles and max.
max verstappen bitchless just called and asked me if i knew who you were dating and how you knew luisa.
rhea reynolds i met her while she was dating n*rris. monaco is not that big.
alex albon tell him she's dating some actor like ross lynch or something
lily muni he how long did it take for you to come up with a blonde actor?
alex albon too long
lance stroll tell him it's luisa in a blonde short wig.
charles leclerc that'll shut him up for a while.
rhea reynolds tell him it's taylor swift in a short wig.
daniel ricciardo thank god i don't have to hear his screeches anymore.
rhea reynolds that's one upside to being unemployed.
daniel ricciardo i have a job?
rhea reynolds but do you though?
¡leclerc-s speaks!
i'm indulging in my love for both mick schumacher and renee rapp + blake lively. i was originally going to make the oc a lively but i kinda wanted her name to have same alliteration renee's name has and nothing with an L went well so i chose reynolds instead. anyways, hope y'all enjoyed this!
¡disclaimer!
this is in no way making assumptions about the people involved in this story, this is all fake. it is a fanfiction please don't take any of what is said seriously. this is all for entertainment purposes and as a creative outlet for me. enjoy!
#leclerc-s#snow angel series#f1 instagram au#f1 x oc#f1 oc#f1 smau#f1 social media au#f1#formula one#f1 fic#formula 1 fic#f1 x female oc#lando norris x female oc#mick schumacher x female oc
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