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nilikhangdiwa · 1 year

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2022 Fic Wrap Up!

basically i will talk about every fic i've written this year, behind the scenes of them, plus some bonus stuff i've written! i'm pretty sure all of it is a3, with like. one or two outliers, if any. anyway! enjoy my rambling.

btw, all my fics are private for the time being, so you'll need an ao3 account to read them. sorry about that, bots are. shit.

I Touched a Magic Mirror and Ended Up in My Parental Figure's Favorite RPG?!

masumi isekai fic, kniroun extended universe, mentioned lancelot/gawain/arthur

basically when i was wtiting this fic it was around this time of the year, and i was like "i'm gonna finish this fic by the time classes start up again!"

SPOILER ALERT. I DID NOT.

it kept getting longer and longer. umm. i do really like it! i love kniroun a normal amount, please ask me about the extended kniroun universe always. i did love writing it a lot, even though it caused me some grief because i was like i am not splitting this into two chapters fuck off.

so, yeah! also i'm sorry to oomf, who always cries when they reread the fic because fictional britain is homophobic. ummmm. sorry. lancelot has issues. again, please feel free to talk to me about kniroun.

- - -

when the moon fell in love with the sun (all was golden in the sky)

short fics collection, lone wolves week, mostly platonic with azuhiso and azuchika thrown in

lone wolves week 2022! i ended up putting all my little drabble submissions into one fic. i think i wrote most of them the day before the actual day it was supposed to be posted? as usual, i skipped free day because i'm so bad at those.

azuma and sakuya one was cute and domestic! i like them and i always have camellia to cherry blossom on the brain (the fic by desikauwa i think) so yeah!

azuchi brainrot is azuchi because my friend super loved azuchi when they were into a3 and it rubbed off on me lol

the hisoka and sakuya one is silly because the entire fake play it's based off is actually a sakuya/homare play. nieves (hisoka) is my favorite because i love hisoka, and she's in love with zenaida (citron) to a. hm. questionable degree because i'm a sucker. liberato's (sakuya) the colead, he's cute but a menace, and he betrays vedasto (homare, lead) at the end of the second act. other actors in the play are ramil (azuma) and basilio (chikage), and all the names are based off filipino gods/names/words.

azuhiso cute and soft there's nothing much to say, tbh.

chikage & hisoka is the. most un-normal one. idk. they have me fucked up. they are also fucked up. they are traumatized in the same way but in a different way but they are family and it's. certainly a thing.

the last chikage & sakuya one is. hmm. i think it's inspired partially by another similar fic that percy timeskipped wrote + partially by the scene in act 12 (or 11?) where sakuya sees aunt yoshinaga, but don't quote me on this because i barely remember writing this tbh.

- - -

Jun. Fucking. Hates. DRINKING PARTIES.

tasuhoma, nonokou, nocturnality

this one was for a valentine's fic exchange and i actually like nonokou a lot! i'm personally a furarei nonokou kind of guy, so getting the excuse to write it was fun! nonomiya is such a normal guy, it's fun to see him get tossed into shenanigans, whether that's the supernatural kind, or his dumbass coworker-slash-lover gets shitfaced

- - -

utsuki chikage rates harry potter characters on how hot they are

crackfic

i have nothing to add. this is one of those fics where i basically just write down the stuff my friends say but make a3 characters say them. like the kfc crocs thing. discord servers are wild

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'cause i'm not too far, and you're my favorite place

chikaita, fluff, established relationship

this was a commission for my friend, cg! truth be told, i only really got into chikaita around like, december last year, thanks to rptwt. i'm usually an itatsumu guy, but i love all the ships!

this one turned out super cute and i'm really happy! honestly there's nothing much to say, i just think that they deserve a cute little date with no danger of anything.

- - -

Letters in Paper Airplanes

madomika

okay so backstory on madomika. me and some friends were playing frantic fanfic earlier in the year and then ended up with this ship? so CLEARLY. _CLEARLY_. I DECIDED TO BE INSANE ABOUT IT. because i love madoka and i love mika so clearly i am insane about this.

they're just so cute and understanding and soft spoken, but they really do care about each other a lot! in general, i think mika deserves a lot!

this fic is actually the 5000th (i think. or 6000th) a3 fic on ao3! my friend also wanted to be that milestone fic but i beat her to it and it was a little petty of me ;;; sorry aud

- - -

Love is Stored in the Car's Center Console Box

igawa & tenma, father's day

father's day fic! this one's pretty straightforward, i just adore tenma and igawa's relationship and i hope we get to see them more moving forward! i like to contrast tenma's relationship with issei vs with igawa. umm. igawa best dad.

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The Ocean at Sunset

hisohoma, established relationship, dresses

this was for a pride month exchange! umm, honestly, i'm not auper sure if i captured what my giftee wanted, but i had fun writing it! i... actually i just like writing hisoka as down bad as humanly possible.

it was challenging for sure, tho! because i. am not good at writing hisoka, despite him being my fave. so i'm not sure what compelled me to write in hisoka's pov. but i think it worked out!

- - -

You've Got My Time, You are My Plans

tonoita, established relationship, breakfast

this was supposed to be for the "spoiled" prompt of rarepair week, but i finished it early, got another idea for the prompt, and then decided to just post it solo instead.

i am. coming out as a tonoita liker. they make me feel vicious. feral. it's insane. this was kickstarted because my friend likes them and i got dragged in. funny banter. but also they are exes. but also they are still in love with each other. they both hurt each other but they are both stubborn. i want them to make out.

- - -

10.

(before you went on a journey) i had something that i wanted you to hear

banri & itaru, background chikaita, nobles au

another comm for cg! this one's based off an au that i have called prestige au, where basically as a kid itaru was forced to move out and live alone in a separate manor as his noble family, and his isolation continues to adulthood causing rumors to spread. banri's his bio brother in this one.

it was tricky to write because i got used to expanding this au verse through rp, but writing it out like this was fun too!

if you're curious, you can ask me about prestige au because i love my little blorbo. my little fumkin guy.

- - -

11.

everything stays right where you left it

banmisu, first meeting, canon compliant

day 1 of rarepair week for the pairing "forgotten". um. okay, the thing is, i'm pretty sure banmisu wasn't my original plan for this. i'm fairly sure it was supposed to be some other ship actually, but things changed and i don't remember what the original ship was! also i forgot where i put the original list of ships i was gonna do so yeah.

banmisu brainrot is juju's fault btw. that's all. i think banmisu is such an interesting ship to think about. this is also partially mikael's fault i think but that's from years ago. please feed me more.

- - -

12.

Silk-Spun Threads

azutsumu, slightly more mature idk

I AM THE NUMBER ONE AZUTSUMU ADVOCATE. it's up there as one of my favorite fuyu ships, right beside tsumuhiso! i think as a pair they're super slept on so i decided that yeah. i think they're neat. i think this super hot and gorgeous and sensual person should be _down fucking horrendous_ for the chuuni mushroomhead with dirt on his face.

that is to say, please make more azutsumu food i need this

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13.

How to Melt Your Gamer Boyfriend

hisoita

OKAY THIS ONE. day 3 - heat haze. the other prompt was downpour. and actually, this day was supposed to be banmado downpour where bamri shows up at fuyou while it's raining to pick madoka up from class. and i ended up not writing it because i was struggling so i settled for the good, old-fashioned itaru pov cute fluffy fic.

i love hisoita a normal amount. i think this is the only hisoita i wrote this year but 2022 was the year of hisoitas (thank you bee and quill), and ali (hisoita oomf) is definitely a major part of my brainrot

- - -

14.

Starlight

juligawa, we ignore canon, fluff

i'm pretty sure the tumblr ppl don't know about juligawa which is super funny. i love talking about juligawa because i love seeing people like WHY ARE YOU SHIPPING JULY AND IGAWA and my answer is that it's fun.

this is the only rarepair week fic i actually finished before the week (aside from the tonoita one) and i was so excited to share it to specifically attack oomf. ryu ryukogo ceo of juligawa real! i am so attached to this funny little crackship i hope them happiness

- - -

15.

Wheel of Suits

citoju, citron harem au

i feel like this one requires a lot of context. um. back in 2020/2021 i ended up in a discord roleplay game where basically my friend and i roleplayed citron and july respectively. and the thing is that they literally just antagonized each other the whole time and then we decided that _yeah we are ill for this ship now_ so yeah.

citron harem agenda is an entirely separate au where everyone i ship with citron is part of his bigass royal harem. this is literally everyone from tsuzuru to azuma, barring guy, plus augju. you can also ask me about this if you want. each of them has a specific like little character arc and they have fun little limk skills and everything.

okay, back to citoju. umm. so the thing is. this wasn't supposed to be the first citoju fic. but i did not have the time or energy to write a 20k fic featuring truth and betrayal and first love and separation and forgiveness and tenderness so here we are. nonetheless. i love em.

- - -

16.

Hollow Gods

harutsumu, first meeting, pre-canon

i really... really... like harutsumu. i think they're fun and they are _actors_, and they have so much love and passion for it that it makes me want to make them kiss. i also like to think about how fucked up godza was to like. everyone. literally everyone. even reni. no one was winning. if i could i'd love to expand harutsumu's dynamic and relationship but idk.

- - -

17.

Caravan

georgetim, lucitim, kazuhoma, kazutsumu, lumicirc

i am so insane and fucked up over georgetim you would not believe it. okay first off this was supposed to be purely kazutsumu because they're one of my fave ships to think about, but then lumicirc happened.

i hate lumicirc. because. GOD.

i'm just going to copy and paste the essay gave my friend because i am ill over them

anyway. this is fucking horrible why is tim so in love with george. why are they clown augju. george is so DUMB and a ditz and totally golden hearted and tim is more realistic and logical but at the same time he owes george his everything and he loves george so much for being there for him and giving him a family and i just. god what the fuck the pining i hate this stupid ship i feel very violence

they have me in a VISE GRIP george is such an idealist and an optimist and tim is the realist that levels him out, but even in the play you can tell that tim does care about george so much and he's the only one who stayed when nick and will both left but tim has always been by his side!! they even trained together doing circus acts when they were younger

tim can come off kind of cold but he's just like. a little blunt and i care about him a lot he's very realistic but he's not a bad guy,, he wants the circus to succeed too, just like george. they're working for the same dream. i am crying

anyway, please consider

- - -

18.

you could be my queen, i could be your dream

summer troupe, frantic fanfic, humor

after rarepair week i got into a super writing slump for like a solid 3 months, where i could barely write anything. this one was for an exchange that i signed up for a few months prior, but finishing it gave me a sense of accomplishment. like, i had to sit down and write and write _something_ and i did and i finished it and i like it!

so about the fic. it's so stupid. don't let the title fool you, it's literally just a funny little fic where summer troupe writes franfic. i had like a spreadsheet open for everything and all the pairs that went together and who everyone got i swear i'm sane.

- - -

19.

Black and Red Dress

mukuyuki, minatori, last runway, +3ghosts, major character death, hospitals

this one was a commission for ryu! minatori (minato [muku +3ghosts] and kikukawa [yuki last runway]) the world! the ship started because of just some silly roleplay we did on a whim and then we got attached. god. they are cute and tragic, best combo

i actually finished this comm the day after ryu asked for it because i went insane and speedran it. ummmm. :> yeah.

- - -

20.

Stapler Eater and Papercut Boy

bansaku, soulmate au, first meeting

comm for raina! I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS IS THE ONLY BANSAKU FIC I WROTE THIS YEAR. actually, the entire year i was struggling to write as much as last year but you know what. i'm okay with that actually. 20 fics is still a lot. anyway.

soulmate au where the marks on your skin appear on your soulmate's skin. it's super cute and fluffy and me and raina talk about their funny little dynamic on twitter and i just love it. i love them.

- - -

bonus!

Memory Foam

citochika, non explict sex

this one's on anon actually but yeah i wrote it. i was having a time. i love citochika and the trust and love in their relationship. i love writing chikage in nsfw situations and then making it unbearably soft and tender. i'm normal. 👍

- - -

bonus!

twitter rp thread speedrun! (i'm not linking these, that's embarrassing.)

hazuki au

i want him to be happy. do you ever think about what if the org found out about mankai? yeah. fucked up. but he's my baby and i care him so much i'm sorry for traumatizing him

74 threads

ngl not all of my writing in these threads are my favorite but you know it's super fun coming up with thoughts and ideas for july to torment itaru so

sunflower july au

...... july nice guy era? i wish i'd finished it. but anyway. i think i can fix him

hafez au

i'm sorry i keep fucking up the bunny, i didn't mean it! yes i did. i think it's fun to watch chikage react to various horrible situations. i love the hurt part, but i love the comfort part. i love seeing him heal and get over his past and move forward. yes i know i gave him that horrible past but you can't just say secret mercenary spies and leave it at that a3

- - -

OKAY END. THANK YOU FOR LISTENING. if you clicked any of the links i love you. hope to write more next year! :3

#a3 #lanchan talks #fic writing wrapped

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wardenparker · 2 years

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Once Upon a Time... part 8

Zach Wellison x plus size f!Reader Co-written with @absurdthirst

Zach’s life gets turned upside down when his visit to the local library sends him all the way back to Camelot - and he meets another time traveler who has made the kingdom their home.

Rating: Explicit. There is no turning back from the smut now that we have found it. Word Count: 13.1k Warnings: *This is a Zach fic so there WILL be discussion of homelessness.* Nobody is circumcised in Camelot so it’s a thing, discussion of various birth control methods, mentions of infidelity (taking a mistress), body image issues, insecurities, oral sex (female receiving), unprotected sex, vaginal sex, sex with an audience, cockwarming Summary: It’s time for a medieval wedding!!! Notes: It’s here! It’s time! It’s a glorious wedding day for all!

Part 1 ~ Part 2 ~ Part 3 ~ Part 4 ~ Part 5 ~ Part 6 ~ Part 7

You hold tight to Zach's hand as the crowd sweeps you along - down from the church on the peak of the cliff overlooking the ocean and down toward the castle with all the momentum of children who have been promised their favourite candy. A near herd of people had turned out to see you married, stuffing the little church on the cliff to the gills with children running around outside picking flower petals to toss in the air when you and Zach emerged again after the service. The self-important old priest had droned on and on, but you swear you barely heard him over the riotous beating of your own heart. Married. You're married now. To the best man you've ever known in your life. And the day isn't even half over yet.

True to his word, Gareth had been Zach’s best man. Stood beside him as Arthur escorted you towards him. Zach could tell there was a moment that the king feared that his nephew would jump forward and claim you as his own bride from the way that his brow furrowed and his shoulders tensed, but it was Zach who was unable to wait until you had fully met him on the step, coming forward and reaching for you.

Now, Gareth, Gawain, Tristan and Galahad all surround the couple while Lancelot and Percival flank the king and queen as they make their way back to the Great Hall were a feast Zach helped provide is being laid out. The roasted boar being the very one that Zach had brought down during the hunt and impressing all that had participated due to it large size.

The Great Hall has been strewn with so many flowers and garlands of Ivy that it looks like Guinevere ordered the forest be brought inside the castle. Candles stand by everywhere, ready to be lit when the sun starts to fall, and it is very clear that this party is meant to go on until the last person drops. There is a table along the wall strewn with chests, boxes, packages, and items of all kinds, and a beautiful, seemingly brand-new sword sits in front of the seats of honour at the head table. You squeeze Zach’s have a little tighter, smiling so hard it feels like your face might split. “I love you,” you murmur to him, taking in everything around you with a happy sigh.

The cheer and applause are thunderous in the hall, filled with nearly everyone from the castle and Zach smiles when he sees Ava standing by, it had been his request that the hardworking girl not have to serve and instead be a guest at the feast. "Before the casks of wine are opened and the celebration begins." Zach turns, hand firmly wrapped around yours, to where Arthur has commanded attention of the room. "There is one matter that needs to be dispatched." Arthur smirks and sends Zach a come hither motion. "Sir Zachariah, stand before me."

Exchanging matching looks of confusion, you let his hand go so he can stand in front of Arthur in the center of the hall. Guinevere appears at your other side, your similar statures making it easy for me her to wrap her arm around your shoulders and squeeze tight the way you now know she does when she is most excited about something.

"Camelot is a land that has endured much." Arthur announces over the crowd. "Now, however, we have a sense of peace that is kept only by the valiant men that serve as knights for Camelot."

It hits you like a ton of bricks - twisting in your stomach and lighting you up with sheer excitement when you watch Lancelot position himself behind the king’s right shoulder with Excalibur in his hands. “The knights of Camelot have come from many homes.” Arthur goes on, speaking to the assembled crowd though his eyes are trained squarely on Zach. “Whether humble or grand. Peasant or high born. The knights of Camelot are connected by honour, virtue, and courage. Three things that today’s groom has exhibited in spades.” The king extends his hand motioning to the young man before him. “Kneel, Sir Zachariah if you would join them.”

He nearly falls down to his knee, stumbling forward while he is humbled and overwhelmed when he realizes what is happening. Arthur is knighting him. Him, a stranger to his land and yet— he is taking Excalibur in his hands from Lancelot. The flash of a little boy's dreams flooding his mind. Zach's head tips forward as he presents his neck to the king. A show of fealty that has him blinking back tears of the multitude of emotions that are swimming in his veins. Wishing that he could look over and see your face, knowing that in this moment you are proud of him.

The entire hall falls silent, and for a split second you're sure everyone can hear how hard your proud heart is beating as your husband kneels in front of King Arthur to be knighted. "A vow to Camelot is one of loyalty." With Excalibur in his hands, Arthur looks every inch the medieval king of legend that he will comes to be known as. "Loyalty to the kingdom and its sovereign lord, renouncing all others before and to come. It is one of bravery: to accept adventure as an inevitable path and never shy from a dangerous path out of fear. To protect those who have no way to protect themselves, providing safe quarter for the weak and defense for the helpless. The knights of Camelot uphold truth and righteousness, never wavering in the face of an adversary. They are charitable and compassionate. They are the example of goodness for those around them." Unsheathing the great longsword, Arthur lays the tip of the blade to the younger man's right shoulder. "Do you swear to uphold these principles, putting the welfare of others before yourself as you pledge your sword to Camelot?"

The moment isn't lost on him, this oath being so different from the one that he had sworn to the United States and yet it was just as profound. Arthur had spoken the words that he had felt when he was raising his right hand years ago. "My sword and my honor are committed to Camelot." He tells Arthur, his voice steady much to his surprise.

"Then rise, Sir Zachariah." Excaliber's tip moves from his right shoulder to his left, crowning him as it goes. "Knight of the Round Table. And take Camelot with you wherever you go."

Lancelot steps forward to take Excaliber from the king and replace it with another sword. It's surreal and magical in itself. This moment. No matter what the future holds, Zach will never roll his shoulders in shame because one of the most famous kings and knights to have ever lived believes that he is worth to sit at the Round Table as an equal. "Yes, my king."

The sword that has been placed in his hands is what Arthur offers to his newly christened knight when he stands, and the expression of paternal pride is unmistakable. "Consider it a wedding present," he insists quietly, pressing the sword and sheath into Zachariah's hands. "And go rejoin your bride. I see proud tears in her eyes that deserve to be admired."

"Thank you." He murmurs softly, turning to the clapping of the hall, everyone celebrating but he only has eyes for you in this moment. He won't even been able to put into words what he is feeling until late that night with you, alone in your bed.

Your arms ring tight around him, pulling him into a tight hug in front of the roaring, applauding crowd shouting "HUZZAH!" all around you. "Congratulations, love." Simple words, whispered in his ear before you kiss him, and you grin again when you pull back. "Just a little bit different than oo-rah, isn't it?"

"Jesus Christ." He lunges forward and buries his face in your neck, needing a moment to compose himself and he is most at home in you. You are his safe harbor, amazing how that has happened so fast, but it's there and he sighs against your skin while he pulls back and gives you a watery smile. "You have your white knight as a husband."

“I already did,” you promise him, holding on to him like a lifeline. “But now it’s official.”

“Come.” Guinevere’s hand returns to your shoulder momentarily, bringing you back to the moment as she gestures for you to take your place at the banquet table. “You shall have the places of honour for your own feast, and let it be our privilege to sit beside you.”

Zach holds his sword in his left hand and guides you towards the table with his other. The feast is spectacular, covering nearly every inch of the large table, the boar that Zach had hunted is too big, hanging from a spit in front of it, on display for everyone to see what the groom had provided. "Is this better than any wedding we could have planned, or what?" He murmurs as you sit down.

“Who else in history has ever been knighted to the round table at their own wedding?” You beam at him as he puts his sword down. The congratulatory shouts from the crowd have morphed into an insistent cry for a kiss, and you couldn’t be happier to do just that.

He hums, quirking a brow in agreement and he tugs you closer at the urging of the crowd. "The kingdom demands a kiss, milady." He teases against your lips, reaching out and cupping your cheek. "We have no choice but to give the people what they want." He nudges his nose against yours. "I love you."

“I love you, too.” If you ever stop smiling, it will be far too soon. It is impossible to stop, even into the kiss - and you end up having to break away to laugh anyway when Zach’s fellow nights go wild at the act. Even Gareth is having a good time, and raises a glass toward the two of you when you look out over the room.

Zach picks up his wine goblet and lifts it up. "To my bride! The fairest in the kingdom save our queen!"

Guinevere raises her glass on your other side, smiling over at the two of you. “I think we can all agree that a joyful bride’s beauty outshines all others.”

“Only because of your Majesty’s kindness. Without which none of this would be possible.” It’s completely true and you’re not afraid to say it. This entire day is owed to her, and that is something you will never forget.

Smiling, Zach takes a sip of his wine. "This is your day, Dandelion, my love." He murmurs and leans over to kiss you again. "Our day."

“Ours. From now on, everything is shared.” For better or worse and for richer or poorer may not have been part of your wedding vows, but the philosophy of partnership and support is already a bedrock of your relationship and you wouldn’t have it any other way. “Now,” You grin as he fills the trencher between you. “Gossip says there was quite a chase to catch that boar and Lancelot almost got bitten?”

Zach laughs and nods, making many turn their heads to see what the amusement was. Everyone could tell that the two of you were completely enchanted with one another and Guinevere smiles into her own cup. "He was treed by it." Zach tells you. "Took three bolts to take that beast down." He shakes his head, still chuckling.

“And here I was worried that you wouldn’t have fun yesterday.” He had had an entire day of male bonding that was about as close to a medieval bachelor party as you could reckon, even going to a tavern in the village with the Pendragon boys so that you hadn’t seen him until this morning. It made you desperately wish for a cell phone so you could have said good night.

“It was interesting.” Zach muses, looking out over the hall. “I am extremely grateful for the time even if they could have warned me it was an initiation. No wonder they kept shoving drinks in my hand.”

“It wouldn’t have been any fun if they had warned you.” The idea of all of his fellow knights knowing what would happen today and wanting to surprise him warms your heart in an entirely different way and you take a sip of your wine. “My day was spent at the bathhouse getting pampered, which is about the most quintessential bachelorette party thing I can think of.” Guinevere had gathered the ladies of the court that she is closest to and you are fondest of, and the six of you had spent all day bathing and gossiping - a time that had revealed Merlin’s wife to have a hilariously dirty sense of humour and the legendary Isolde to be not-so-innocent at all.

"I did miss you last night." He admits easily. "Gawain and Tristain snore." He huffs and rolls his eyes good naturedly. "Although it was better than when Galahad started serenading one of the serving girls." He had a hard time calling them wenches, even if everyone else did, that modern mindset still too fresh.

“So I shouldn’t add Sweet Sir Galahad to my set?” You joke, even though you love the Joan Baez classic.

"He sounds like a dying chicken." He tells you with a grin.

“Charming.” Sending his grin right back at him, you shake your head a little. “You can’t claim to be the worst singer in the kingdom, then.” Not that he ever was, but he never takes compliments well - just like you.

******

Wine flows and he has to admit that this medieval feast might be the most delicious thing that he's ever eaten in his entire life. The boar is roasted perfectly and there are so many types of pies and pastries, jellies and puddings that there is no way he can try it all. "Oh god." He sits back after you offer him another morsel. "I don't know if I will be able to move." He groans appreciatively.

“Don’t let anyone hear you say that.” You laugh, cuddled comfortably into his side as you sit at the long banquet table. The music has begun and the party seems to be just getting started. “They’ll make you start dancing just to wake you up from the food coma.”

"While I want nothing more than to dance with my wife, " he grins happily at being able to say that. "I need a minute or twenty." His hand is on your thigh, stroking it over the find material of your dress. You are stunning and he cannot believe that this was made by the queen and the royal seamstress. His matching surcoat something that is almost too fine to wear. "I feel like I've seen this in a movie once." He teases quietly.

“You recognize it?” It shouldn’t surprise you, since you’re both movie buffs, but it still makes your smile spread wider. “It was my dream wedding dress when I was little. And since I was already getting my dream man, I figured why not.” You shrug like it doesn’t matter, despite your cheeks burning with that joyful happiness that never seems to end. “But Drew Barrymore never had a gown with embroidery done by hand by the queen.” Picking up his hand, you press a kiss to the back of it, grateful you don’t need to worry about smudging makeup or anything nearly as fussy.

"Very true." Zach threads his fingers through yours and looks at the still heavily burdened table. "We will have to have Aisling make us a tray for late night snacking." He tells you with a grin. "We have a long night ahead of us."

“Oh, are you suddenly thinking you’ll have energy again?” You throw him and wink, knowing that wedding night sex was never in danger of being taken off the schedule. “Because I bet anything your brothers in arms are going to be the ones outside our door making sure you do a good job.”

The cocky smirk on his face is well deserved, in his opinion. After all, he's pretty sure that he's memorized all the spots that make. you go wild. "Damn straight I'm going to have the energy." He promises you. "Have to make sure I can please my bride."

“I genuinely doubt there will be any problems with that.” Considering all he has to do is touch you to make you wet, the only thing that gives you pause is the fact that you’ll have an audience of sorts. But if anyone has the ability to make you forget everything else in the world, it’s Zach.

"Never know." He teases, leaning in and kissing your neck. He grins against your skin for a split second before he nips at it playfully.

“Why?” You hum, feeling your breath catch at the sensation of teeth toying with skin. He knows you shiver every time and isn’t being shy about exploiting that. “You shy about having an audience?”

He huffs, letting his tongue glide against your pulse. "I would fuck you right now, right here in front of everyone and not give a damn who watched." He boasts. "But I like having you to myself."

You barely manage to stifle the whimper bubbling behind your lips, and you pinch Zach’s thigh under the table in warning. “If you make me moan while I’m sitting next to the queen, so help me god.” You mumble, half wishing you could just disappear right now and let him do whatever he wants with you. But then - this is your wedding reception, and you wouldn’t miss it for the world.

He snickers and shoots you a wicked grin. "You'll do what?" He asks in challenge, lifting a brow at you. "You'll cum? Beg me to fuck you?" He keeps his voice low so no one else hears but his fingers slide along your own thigh. "Please do."

The absolute pout you send him is unmistakable as you try not to squirm in your seat while you whisper: “I will melt into the floor with embarrassment.” If he wants you to beg, you’ll gladly do that when there isn’t royalty sitting six inches away.

His chuckle is low, and he can see you shiver at the sound. "Maybe we clear the table and I'll have my second meal." He loves the way that you are squirming and yet you look so eager for just that.

“Zach!” You hiss under your breath, playfully swatting at his thigh before you give it a tight squeeze because honestly you would love that if you had any kind of exhibitionist tendencies. “You’re going to kill me, baby.”

"Death by orgasm." He teases, deciding that he is going to leave you alone for at least another few minutes. He doesn't want you to have a moment of being upset today. "What a way to go."

“We have two weeks of peace to try for it.” You waggle your eyebrows at him, feeling that perfect way your stomach flips when he laughs and his one deep dimple is on display.

The music strikes up and the queen turns towards you. "My dear, are you ready?" She asks you quietly as Arthur stands and makes his way around her to hold out his hand to you.

"Lady Wellison, dance with me." He isn't exactly asking, but this is already prearranged and he feels his chest puff out, proud that this celebration is going so well. "Before we eat too much, or I get too deep in my cup." He asks playfully with a wink, his spirits high.

It’s nothing fancy, just a basic waltz since that’s something that everyone at court seemed to grasp fairly easily and has enjoyed. You had taught the minstrels various songs over the last year that would work for this moment, but A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes was the one that sounded most beautiful in the other bard’s voice, and nothing quite said fairy tale to you like a Disney song in Camelot so you had agreed. The musicians strike up as the four of you take your places in the hall and you set your hand in the king’s as the bard begins to sing.

You are gorgeous, standing in the king's arms and dancing to the music. Zach looks down at the queen in his own arms, the pride on her face almost like she was the mother of the bride and his own emotions make him hum. "You have my gratitude, your highness." He murmurs. "This is incredible."

“It is a token of our gratitude.” Guinevere smiles softly, humming along with the song for a moment. It is one of her favourites of yours. “Your Dandelion has brought nothing but joy to our lives, and you have proven yourself a worthy member of our court. We are grateful for you both.”

“We are honored to be a part of your court.” Zach tells her honestly. “The Knights of the Round Table are known in America and highly respected. To become one is a dream come true.”

“I understand that you more than earned it with your prowess yesterday.” The gossip fluctuated about what had actually happened, but from what Arthur had told her, the young Knight’s persistence and fearlessness had simply proven to him that the decision was the correct one.

He flushes slightly, preening under the praise of the queen. It reminds him of when his mother would make him feel like he was really Superman when he was a child. “It was good to be able to contribute to the feast.”

“The first of many things you will provide for your bride.” She beams at him, so very proud and so very connected without ever being able to truly put her finger on how. Perhaps it is as simple as the fact that he resembles Arthur when the king was very young, and it makes it easier to imagine the newly christened knight as her own son, but she will likely never know.

The music is wonderful as he guides the queen around the floor, but soon the song is done and Arthur bows to you before he quickly exchanges places with Zach so you are in his arms.

“I hope you don’t mind…” you murmur, stepping in close to him as the minstrels begin a beautifully slow rendition of Can’t Help Falling in Love with You. “After last week I sort of felt like it was…our song.” It feels silly to say out loud, but a song about two people who fall head over heels in love with each other in no time at all is the two of you to a tee.

He couldn’t help his smile beam if he tried. “It’s perfect.” He promises, tugging you into his arms more securely. “It is our song. 100%.”

“It’s the only thing about our wedding we could ever tell anyone,” you joke quietly, letting him twirl you gently through the song.

“We can always say that our wedding was magical, and the stuff of childhood dreams.” He winks at you, absorbing the way that your eyes shine happily. “I had the most beautiful woman in the world marry me.”

“My husband is my literal knight in shining armor.” Leaning into him a little closer, you can feel how hard his heart is beating in his chest and you press a kiss to his shoulder where your head lies. “I’m the luckiest girl in the whole world.”

“I wasn’t expecting that at all.” He murmurs quietly, still feeling overwhelmed by the faith Arthur put in him.

“I was hoping.” It’s true, and you don’t mind admitting it at all. “If we stay here, it means we’ll always have family and friends and a home at court. If we get back, it means every time you look at a book of English history, you know your name belongs right alongside the legends.”

"We will know Arthur actually existed." Zach chuckles, imagining the annoyance of the scholars if the two of you ever tried to correct them on things they got wrong. "Hell, we would be able to show them exactly where the castle is. They've been searching in the wrong part of Wales."

“I still want to know how you know so much about Welsh geography.” He hadn’t offered much of an explanation on your last walk besides recognizing the ancient church where your wedding was just held, telling you he’d visited the area with his parents on vacation once when he was a teen. It was exactly the kind of quirky insight into his past and his family that you love hearing. “Americans vacationing in the UK usually just go to London or Stratford-upon-Avon.”

He continues to lead you around the stone floor, listening to the music. "Apparently we're Welsh?" Zach offers you with a grin. "My father loved ancestry and history. We couldn't trace our family tree back too far, but he wanted to visit when he was a boy, so he made sure he took his wife and son."

“I would say you’re extremely invested in Welsh history now.” You can perfectly imagine a younger version of your husband putting the same full dedication into learning sights and family history that you’ve seen him put into everything else. “Maybe Wellison is an evolution of Welsh-son over a few hundred years? That would be neat.”

"That would be interesting." That had been a theory his dad hadn't considered. The music ends and Zach pulls you close and takes your mouth with his in another kiss that has the hall cheering for the two of you.

It opens up the feast to become a full-fledged party, and the music picks up into something wholly more medieval for many more people to dance together at once. It doesn’t surprise you in the least when the knights are the first ones out into the makeshift dance floor, and a gaggle of unmarried ladies immediately appear to join them.

Zach leads you back to the table. "You can dance if you want to, but I want to sit down for a moment." He complains slightly. "Don't want to get sick at my own wedding feast."

“Don’t let your boys hear you say that, or you’ll never get me back,” you tease, tossing him a wink because it’s ludicrous to think you would ever leave his side for long.

"Oh yeah?" He chuckles because he knows you are joking, but he pats the sword that is sitting next to his seat when the two of you sit back down. "They shouldn't have given me this yet then."

“Planning in fighting for my honor?” Oh, that thought should not be so sexy…

"If I have to." He gives you his most charming smile, leaning against the armrest of his chair. "Would you like that milady?"

With your lip firmly between your teeth, you clear your throat gently so your voice stays low. “Is it incredibly caveman of me to say yes?” You’ve never denied the fact that you want to jump Zach as soon as he gets out of the sparring ring, and most of the time he’s glad to let you, as long as it includes a soak in the hot spring.

Winking at you, he gives a low, slightly dark chuckle. "Not at all, baby." He promises. "I could see you liking that. Although, I think that in your fantasizes, all of us are fighting in just our breeches."

“My fantasies are fully focused on you,” you promise him, but you can’t deny that he has you pretty well pegged. “Everybody else can be fully clothed. It’s sexier if you kick their asses all on your own.”

He snorts and shakes his head. "Baby, I'm a full supporter of look but don't touch." He tells you with a grin. "You want to watch a sexy movie and then jump me because the actor was hot and you need to recreate that scene, be my guest."

“Ditto.” It doesn’t take much at all to lean in to kiss him, and you love how close he is, especially today. “I also fully support pointing out hot girls in public. I might think they’re hot, too, you never know.”

He lifts a brow, remembering your comment about visiting the brothels and grins. "Yeah? So I can fantasize about that huh?" He teases.

“I might be persuaded to make it a very special birthday present.” It wouldn’t be the first time you had shared a partner, although you had never been fully committed to any of them before.

He bites his lip and gives you an apologetic look. "I – uh," he reaches for your hand. "Would you mind if we didn't?" He asks softly, realizing you might not like that now that you are married to him. Although your marriage in Camelot wasn't exactly binding in LA. "I like the idea of it, but I think I just want you to myself." He tells you quietly. "I'm greedy like that."

“Oh thank God.” You didn’t even realize you were holding your breath until you let it out, leaning into his side in relief. “If that was something you wanted, that would be a conversation to have. But…I think the fantasy might be more enjoyable than the reality.”

His own sigh of relief is quiet, but he knows you don't miss it. "Good." He hums, kissing your head. "I like the idea of sharing, but at the same time..." He wraps his arm around you. "I know I would get jealous and I don't want that."

“I’m all yours.” And that is a promise you know you will have no problem keeping. Whether you’re here, in LA, back east, or anywhere else. “I don’t ever want you to doubt that.”

"I believe that." He leans in and nudges his nose against yours. "I just want to make sure that I'm not keeping you from things you need."

“I only need you.” Curling into his side, it’s amazing all over again how he is the one thing in your life that you are completely sure of. The whole world could throw into chaos around you and as long as he is with you, everything will be okay.

"Well, considering if we get back to LA, you are the only thing I've got, that's a good thing." He chuckles ruefully before he picks up your hand. "Seriously, baby, I will make sure you have - we have - the life we deserve."

“If we ever get back…” You shrug, eyes focused on your fingers laced through his. “Baby, you’re all I have, too. I don’t have any siblings, my parents are gone, and I haven’t spoken to either of my godparents in years.” Your roommates in LA were just that - roommates. And you had never really had any friends outside work. Any college friends that didn’t severely judge you for your mistake had fallen off the map a while ago when they all got married and started having kids. “It’s just you and me no matter what happens.”

“Okay so our next song is I Got You Babe, right?” He teases, wanting to lighten the mood, but still he squeezes your hand and kisses it softly.

“It seems like it should be.” You huff slightly, but nothing in the world could stop you from smiling today.

"Yes it should." Zach leans in to kiss your neck but there is loud clapping that interrupts him and he pulls away to find Arthur grinning at the two of you. "Now!" Arthur speaks out as soon as the music stops. "There is the matter of the bedding ceremony!"

The shear embarrassment of having it announced has you wishing you could melt into the floor, but the queen is already making her way toward you with Lancelot’s wife Elaine in tow. Isolde and Percival’s sister Helizabel are mere feet away on the other side of you and all you can do is lean over to kiss Zach quickly before they descend on you to sweep you away. “See you in a bit,” you murmur quietly. There is the usual loud stamping of feet in the stone floor and rowdy applause, and Helizabel wraps both arms around you tightly. “Come, my dear.” She grins and throws Zach a wink. “The night is young, and you have much to enjoy.”

Gareth, Lancelot and the other knights are just as raucous as the celebrators as the scoop Zach up, making him yell out as they literally carry him of the call, calling for someone to bring one last mug of ale for all of them while they go.

Arthur disappears after them muttering something about getting “His own damn ale in his own damn castle.” But the four ladies you spent all day yesterday with are already sweeping you out the back stairs of the Great Hall to take a little short cut and beat the boys to your new home above Zach’s workshop. Aisling looks positively sour to be serving you one more night, but Guinevere and Elaine will have absolutely none of it - sending her ahead to stoke the fire so she won’t ruin the mood of the evening. You have a sneaking suspicion she’ll be knocked down to menial tasks now that the queen is more aware of the way she has been acting over the last year, but it is what it is.

The apartment above the workshop had been cleaned out. Zach, Gawain and surprisingly, Gareth had all gotten in there to air out the place - unused since the older carpenter’s passing. He had even told Ava to bring him cleaning supplies but had then sent the helpful girl back to the castle to help you and the queen however she could. He had wanted to make sure it was perfect for you.

“Now, my dear.” The amusement on Elaine’s face cannot be overstated, and she wraps her arm through yours on your way down the stairs. “Are you sure you don’t have any questions about what is going to happen tonight?” Helizabel, Isolde, and Guinevere snicker wildly while you at least have the decency to look a bit sheepish - yesterday had been full of much too raunchy topics of conversation for any of you to claim ignorance. “I believe I am prepared,” you tell Lancelot’s wife, with amused sarcasm dripping through your voice.

“I can imagine with a man as pleasing to the eyes as Sir Zachariah, you would be prepared.” Isolde teases. “He looks as if he is well capable of swinging his sword.”

“So to speak.” You smirk at the younger woman, married to her own knight just weeks before you had arrived in Camelot last year. “Though I am sure Sir Tristan is a more than worthy tree to climb.”

“I climb him as oft as possible.” She tells you with a smirk of her own. “As will you. I imagine you shall be expecting before winter. Especially if you keep going to the hot springs.”

“I’m sure I have no idea what you’re talking about.” The air of innocence is completely put on, and all of you laugh as you go. No one knows about the very quiet visit you made to Merlin’s apothecary to inquire about any ways to remain child free for at least the first year of your marriage (or at least that’s how you phrased it to him). What you were given was a pouch of herbs to steep a pinch of in water every day, and words to repeat when you drank the herbal tea concoction. A spell is what you were given, and you’re still not sure how you feel about it.

“His eyes follow you.” Helizabel insists. “Like you are his prey and he is a starving predator.” The other women giggle.

“I am not sure how starving he is.” Elaine raises an eyebrow at you and grins like the others. “Though Lancelot says he did not indulge last night.”

Zach had told you that the men would most likely end up with women around them but he wasn’t going to touch any of them. They had, but Zach had resisted, telling them it was an American custom to only sleep with their wife.

“It isn’t his disposition.” Or, if it had been when he was younger, it definitely isn’t anymore. The Zach you just married wouldn’t judge the others for their fun, but his fun is at home in your bed. “And I am most glad of it.”

"Most peculiar." Guinevere and the others are used to their husbands being free to indulge as long as they did their duty by their wives and were not publicly flaunting their dalliances. Guinevere's one rule that no servant that worked in the castle was to be used. They could go to the taverns if they needed to seek something other than their wife's bed. "However, I must confess it makes me admire your knight even more."

"And he is most worthy of admiration, your Majesty." The door that leads directly into the living space of your new home is open while the workshop remains locked, and you know that it is because Aisling is upstairs stoking the fire and laying a tray of food and drink for later in the night. It's been days since you've been here, having last seen it about halfway through the cleaning process when Gawain and Tristan had been appalled that you would even try to help with the heavy lifting. The apartment is spotless now: the large main room with its hearth burning brightly and comfortable chairs around a sturdy table giving way to a writing desk on the other end of the room, across from which stands the doorway to the bedroom. The chest that once stood in your chamber in the castle sits beside the writing desk with your instruments tucked safely inside, and the knowledge that your dresses are now safely stored in the same armoire as Zach's tunics has a beautiful kind of aura about it.

The bed is big. Beautifully carved from the former resident and Zach had made sure that it was taken out and aired before stuffed with more feathers. It was comfortable and he had made sure that clean linens were put on the bed and the warm furs had been spread over it.

"Beautiful." Guinevere nods approvingly at the way the room is set before dismissing Aisling, telling her to report to the kitchen in the morning for new work.

"Four ladies are more than sufficient to undress you," Isolde teases lightly, although her acute lack of height would make her much more helpful in helping with your slippers than your veil.

The women are gentle as they undress you and Guinevere is giddy when she reaches for the new chemise that had been specifically sewn for tonight. "I am still amazed at how lovely this turned out." She tells you breathlessly. You had recommended a few changes to the design to make it more appealing and she had to admit that it was positively striking. "He would have to be dead not to react to you in this."

"I hope you will not mind if I have one made like it?" Helizabel runs her fingers over the fabric of the short sleeves that you had suggested, and you shake your head. "Of course not." You eye her with a grin and decide to tease. "Perhaps you will one day tell us who you intend to wear it for?"

"Perhaps." She giggles and Guinevere clicks her tongue playfully. "Now, we much get you in bed, because I know your groom is anxious to come join you."

You resist the obvious pun about cum since the slang term doesn't even exist yet, instead surveying the room with a bitten back grin as Elaine and Helizabel light extra candles, and the queen and Isolde pull back the blankets and furs to let you settle on the plush mattress. It really is a ceremony, the way the ladies have everything laid out before they carefully lay the blankets and furs back around you, and if you actually were a virgin you'd be terrified with anticipation by now.

"Relax and your knight will be in here soon." As soon as the ladies step back, there is the sound of boots on the stairs announce the arrival of the knights and your groom.

Long minutes pass where you can hear indistinct shouts and cajoling from the workshop where Zach's brothers-in-arms have congregated, and you swear you're just about to get out of bed to find out what's taking him so long when you hear the scraping of the door on its hinges out in the main room. There's absolutely no reason to be nervous - it's not like you haven't had sex with Zach dozens of times at this point - yet here you are, sitting up in the furs on your bed shivering like a schoolgirl. Everything in your bedchamber is just so. The other ladies have seen to that. Right down to the goblets of wine the queen is currently pouring out to leave on your bedside table.

******

"Come on man, your bride is waiting." Gawain ribs him, grinning with a slightly tipsy manner. "You better be up for the task. We have a reputation to uphold."

"You have Bedivere's record to break." Percival leans against the nearest post with yet one more drink in hand. "His bride was with child within a week, according to the midwife."

Zach shakes his head. "I wish to have time with my wife before she is with child." He tells the men, ignoring their groans. He can't tell them that he can't have a child in this timeline because he's not supposed to be here.

"Let him enjoy it." Arthur insists, laughing at the grumbles of dissent from his knights. "The pleasures of the marriage bed lessen over time. Do not wish them diminished for our brother so quickly."

He ignores the teasing and they strip him down, making comments like all men do about each other's manhoods. Although the fact that Zachariah Wellison was cut had given them all pause for a moment, Lancelot looking a little green around the gills and Arthur asking if he had some kind of accident when he was a child. He had explained it was normal in America and they had just shaken their heads and cupped their own cocks through their breeches.

"That is usual?" Gawain is still moaning in dismay when Lancelot claps his American brother on the shoulder and urges him toward the stairs.

"Tarry no longer," he warns with a sly grin. "Lest you discover your bride has grown impatient and begun to celebrate without you."

"She wouldn't dare." Now that he is married to you, he can make a bit more public comments. "She enjoys my tongue too much."

The other men nearly combust with cheers and that raucous applause they are so well known for - loud and boisterous despite there only being a half dozen of them present. "Go." Lancelot shoves him forward again, laughing all the while. "But know we will not leave until we are satisfied you have risen to your task."

The door is thrown open by Gawain and Zach is practically shoved into the room, bare as the day that he was born only to be confronted with the sight of the queen and three other ladies. Swearing that he is about to combust in his tracks as the other men are in the doorway, snickering as Helizabel's eyes widen as she takes in the sight of his stirring cock. Zach swallows. "Ladies." He nods and gives them a rueful grin as he slowly covers himself with his hand.

"Everyone out!" Guinevere averts her eyes, ushering the other ladies through the door as quickly as she can to avoid being caught blushing. That would be a very unladylike position for the queen to find herself in, although she now completely understands why you flustered and demurred when Isolde had asked pointed questions about your groom's endowment yesterday. It would be even more impressive if part of it were not missing.

The door sweeps closed behind the queen. "Well, that was fun." He tells you with a nervous chuckle. His hand drops from his cock since they are gone, and he knows that there are ten people crowded around the door right now. "I can say I survived a bedding ceremony."

"And exactly who would you tell that to, baby?" With no one else in the room, you don't hesitate for a second before climbing out of bed again and going to wrap your arms around him. Still though, your nose has wrinkled in amusement as you smirk up at him. "I think Heli might have some serious fantasies staring you tonight, now that she's had a good look."

He rolls his eyes at you. "I felt like one of them was going to poke it." He mutters, grinning when you snort, and he presses his lips to yours. "Fuck baby," His hands slide along your back and he feels the silky material. "This is very sexy." He tells you, pulling back so he can see the entire thing, cock twitching and thickening even more at the sight of you in this nightgown.

"Guinevere missed her calling as a fashion designer." You take a step back, letting him look at the entire piece before he strips you down. "It's very different from the wedding night lingerie I would have picked out in LA, but honestly? I think I like this better."

"I love it." He groans, reaching out and cupping your tits, massaging them in his hands over the fabric. "But it's going to look even better on the floor."

"Off." The soft little moan on your lips completely belies how needy you feel. Two days of not being able to touch him has been torture. "Take it off and take me to bed, love."

"Oh, I can do that." Zach bunches up the material in his fists and starts sliding it up your body. "I love you and I'm about to show you." He promises, groaning when he lifts it up over your head and tosses it aside so he can see your nude body. "I told you I would get on my knees for you, milady." He grins, sliding down to his knees on the wooden floor and pressing his face against your belly, his hot breath on your cunt.

"I was expecting that to be hyperbole," you admit, reaching out to steady yourself with one hand on the bedpost to your side. The second his mouth is on you it will be a miracle if you can keep your balance on your own. "But fuck...you know you can have me however you want me."

He smirks up at you and bites the soft pooch above your pussy. Not enough to hurt you, but just to have you gasp out. "Consider this my proposal since I didn't get down on my knee at first." His hand pulls a thigh up and props it up on his shoulder and wastes no time lunging forward and sliding his tongue through your folds.

"Sort of hard to do when I was - fuck - straddling you in the hot spring." There's no point in stifling any sounds of pleasure for tonight, knowing that the group of your friends and temporary captors are down in his workshop listening in. "Oh my god." Every gorgeous thing Zach's tongue is capable of feels so different while you're standing up and even though there's no logic behind it, it is absolutely amazing.

His neck stretches up, desperate to pierce his tongue deep into your slick skin and taste you. His hands hold your hips steady, fingers spreading wide so he can squeeze your ass. Writing on your clit with his tongue. Spelling his name in his own personal brand on your sex.

The fingers of your free hand thread through his shaggy curls, loving that he didn’t cut them for today but left you plenty to hold on to while his tongue flicks across your swollen clit with the devastating accuracy of a sharpshooter. There’s nothing you can do but try to stay upright while your body quivers with need, grateful to have him home and between your legs again while your pussy slicks his chin without effort.

He’s not quiet, loving the fact that he doesn’t have to hide his pleasure at your taste and response to him. Groaning and grunting into your pussy, while his cock throbs between his legs as he kneels in front of you. He digs his fingers into your ass and tilts your hips up even more when he seals his lips over your clit and starts to suck.

The one foot you have planted on the floor curls, toes digging into the wooden planks as pleasure shakes through you for the first time tonight. Zach has learned your body quickly and oh so well, wrecking you with something as small as the angle his lips wrap around your clit and the bite of his fingernails into your skin. He moans when you gasp out his name loudly. Not pulling away, just like the first time he had gotten between your legs. Instead of decreasing the pressure, he doubles down, trying to suck your soul out through your clit and hopes that you see stars.

Your fingers tug at his scalp, nails practically scraping it as you scrabble for purchase when he pushes you through one orgasm and right to the edge of the next - still not stopping until the air is knocked out of you by a second flood of cum accompanied by that gasping cry of his name. “Fuck baby…” If you could do anything more than pant for air and soothe your fingers along his scalp, you would. “So good to me. You’re so fucking good to me. Love you so much.”

This is where he loves to see you. So incoherent you don't think about what you say, you don't care about how you look. Your hips roll forward shamelessly as you ride his tongue, milking every bit of the breathtaking pleasure he wants to give you. His goddess with your head thrown back and another loud cry being tossed into the air.

Zach on his knees is a beautiful sight, as you regain enough awareness to really take it in, but the place you want him right now is just so close. Carefully dropping your leg from his shoulder, you drop to your knees beside him on the floor to drag greedy kisses out of him. Wrapping your hand around his throbbing cock, you practically moan along with him to feel how hard he is as you pump his length a few times. “I went to Merlin yesterday,” you tell him quietly. This is one thing you don’t want overheard.

"Fuck." He knows he probably grabs your shoulders too hard, but your words combined with your hand wrapped so perfectly around his cock has him already about to spill into your hand. "Yeah?" His stomach clenches as he forces himself to calm down and open his lust blown eyes to find your amused orbs on his. "You— I can?" He manages, throbbing harshly and a spurt of pre-cum beads up on the tip again at the idea of filling you up, staying buried inside you while he cums.

“If you’re willing to trust an herbal tea and a magic spell, so am I.” You know Zach is the one with the most concerns, but you also know that he has been dying for this. It’s written right there in his eyes. “What do you say, handsome? You wanna cum inside me from now on?”

"Shit." He knocks your hand away from his cock and lurches up to his feet. "Get on the fucking bed." He orders you harshly. "I need to be inside you."

The way you giggle is absolutely filthy, and you tug him with you until you’re both falling down on the mattress together in a tangle of limbs and endless kisses.

"I. Love. You." He murmurs frantically between kisses, all while getting in position between your thighs and starting to rock his cock against you, sliding the length through your wet folds. "So. Much. Baby. Only. You." He groans when he feels himself get close but then his eagerness makes his cock push down instead of inside you. He's frantic to be inside you but the exquisite torture of having to aim for you is just going to make that moment even sweeter.

“I love you.” It can’t be said enough or too much, drowning in kisses and letting a strangled moan of protest be heard when he gets too eager and slips through your folds again rather than pushing inside you like you want. Need. Your hand comes between you again, stroking his hip to encourage him to hold steady before you line up the dripping head of his cock at your entrance.

He whines, needy and impatient when you put him at the soft, giving depression that is the entrance to that wonderful little hole. Where he seems to just fit inside like you were made for him. "My wife." He murmurs, pressing his lips against yours while he shows extreme restraint in the slow forward pitch of his hips.

“My h-husband.” The word stutters in your throat, overwhelmed by how right it feels to say and how perfect he feels as he bottoms out inside you. It’s like the best dream you’ve ever had, but no dream has ever been this good.

"Fuck, I love you saying that already." He huffs, head pressed against your shoulder as he tries to not just cum right then and there with how tight you are gripping him. He knows it's probably in his head, but just the knowledge that he can stay inside you has him feeling like you are even tighter than before.

“No names anymore,” you joke softly, winding your legs around his waist to keep him close. “Just husband and wife.”

He groans, like the sound of that. At least for now. Calling you his wife might wear off in twenty or twenty-five years. “God baby.” He pulls back a few inches only to plunge back into the silken walls of your body, unable to be out of you for too long. “Gonna fill you up.” He moans out.

"Do it." Your teeth nip at his neck, that tingling and curling in all your muscles telling you exactly how close you are to falling off the cliff of pleasure right along with him. "Want you to, baby, please."

"Not before – you cum." He hisses between his teeth, pushing deep inside you of you with a rough thrust and angling his hips so that the fine hairs on his body grinds against your clit.

"So - fuck, oh god - close already." Whimpering and begging is about all you're capable of right now, writhing beneath him while white sparks of pleasure start to burst behind your eyes. "Take me with you."

If he can be proud of one thing in his life, above all else, it’s the ability to make you cum. He moans out your name and reaches between you with his weight braced on his other arm to rub circles on your clit. It's stunning - the way he has every inch of you memorized already and has no trouble finding the exact rhythm with his fingers that will pull you over the edge of orgasm so easily that it seems effortless.

He knows, knows everyone outside your rooms can hear you when you start to wail his name. There's no denying it. Not when you are gasping it out so loudly and so beautifully. "That's it, baby."

It never seems to end, rolling through you in waves as Zach’s hips stutter and lose their tempo. “Come on, baby,” you croon, moaning again when his hips slam into you. “Cum inside your wife.”

Your words push him over the edge. Giving another half dozen sloppy thrusts before he is thrusting as deep as he can, ass muscles bunched under your fingertips while he growls out his pleasure loud enough to bounce around the room.

You knew it would feel different: the intimacy of it is nothing else, but actually feeling him paint your walls with his cum might be the single sexiest thing you’ve ever felt in your life. “Oh my god…” It feels a little silly, sure, but the endorphins and adrenaline have you giggle softly in his arms as you kiss along his shoulders, neck, and jaw to find his lips again. “That was…fuck, I love you so much.”

Speechless for a moment, all he can do is kiss you, his softening cock still throbbing inside you. He puffs against your lips for another moment before he giggles himself. "Love— love you too." He sighs happily and lowers his body onto yours, careful to keep his weight completely off of you, but happy to just stay right there.

“I’ve…never done that before.” You hadn’t told him beforehand, not wanting to make him self-conscious about how excited he was to be able to stay connected to you. Fuck - you’d never even had sex with a man without a condom before Camelot. Making the conscious decision to ignore the cheering coming from his workshop, you nudge his nose with yours. “I really liked it, though.”

"Can I be honest?" He asks softly, giving you a sheepish grin. "I've never done that before either. Always used a - you know, before you." All of his other girlfriends were a strict-wrap it up policy. Never wanted to trust them for birth control or having to have his bore punched.

“We’re just full of firsts today.” It’s incredibly comforting to know you’re on more of an even playing field, and you snuggle against him. “Including inviting people to listen.”

He snorts, listening to the back slapping going on as the men and women file out of his workshop. "At least they can say the marriage is well consummated." He teases, leaning in and kissing you softly. "As soon as I'm sure they are gone, I'm barring the door."

“I’m surprised they’re leaving,” you admit. “I thought we were going to have to kick them out.”

He gives you another grin. "They are probably off to whisk their own ladies away for a wedding quickie."

“They shouldn’t be quick if they know what’s good for them.” Lord knows you and Zach aren’t leaving this bed except to stoke the fire and eat for at least a few days. “Isolde wants baby number two badly.”

"Tristan would be proud." He nudges his nose against yours and hums. "I told them we weren't planning on a baby right away." He confesses softly. "They will probably think I'm spilling outside of you, but I just didn't want— I didn't want questions if you don't come up pregnant."

“Yesterday Elaine told me I should get pregnant as soon as humanly possible so you don’t take a mistress.” You huff a little at the extremely outdated logic - except in the year 498 it’s actually fairly standard advice. “Apparently you’re much too handsome for your own good.” You grin at him. “But I knew that already.”

He huffs himself, rolling his eyes. “I know, Arthur pulled me aside and told me he knows that I will take a mistress, but to steer clear of the servants at the castle so there are no disturbances in daily life. Something about how the mistress might think herself above the wife.”

“The way everyone talks about it, you’d think every man in Camelot had a mistress, but I know for a fact that that isn’t true.” It doesn’t matter, though. Not for the two of you. Especially not in your bed, in your apartment - your own little home together. You sigh dramatically, giggling and wrinkling your nose at him. “I guess you’re just going to have to be the weird guy who’s totally faithful to his wife.”

Zach kisses your lips. “I have no issue with that.” He promises you, deciding that he does need to roll off of you now. “If anyone asks, you are woman enough to keep me satisfied. Which is true.” He pulls out of you gently, groaning before he cups your cheek. “I promise I did not cheat last night.”

“I didn’t either.” Not that you hadn’t been afforded the opportunity. Helizabel had offered to treat you to a trip to the brothel as a little wedding present from one bisexual woman to another, but you had declined easily. “I trust you, love. If I thought you were the kind of man to cheat, I would not have married you today.”

"I know." He holds his arm out so you can curl against his chest, something that he absolutely loves. "I just wanted you to know that even if we are in 5th century Wales, I'm keeping my modern outlook on fidelity."

“And I thoroughly appreciate that.” You snuggle into his warm skin immediately, loving the way that every inch of him always seems perfectly suited to having you fit against him.

Zach snorts and kisses the top of your head. “You are a modern woman baby.” He tells you. “You deserve respect and I’d prefer not to go into the history books as being on the receiving end of the Lorena Bobbitt special. Even if I do think he deserved it.”

“To be honest, I’m pretty old fashioned.” Inhaling deeply, the smells of woodsmoke and heather from your crown mixes with the smell of sex in the room perfectly, making you sigh happily. “I’d be happy staying here, but I know that’s not what you want.”

"I can't explain it." Zach murmurs. "I should be ecstatic to be here." He strokes your back and looks up at the wooden rafters and the thick thatch of the roof. It amazed him how they had made roofs of straw that were waterproof. "But I feel like we have a future in modern times. Even if I didn't believe it before I got here, something is telling me that we need to go back."

You tip your head back, looking up at him with soft eyes and that little smile that always seems to be on your lips when he’s around. “Can I propose a compromise?” It’s something you’ve been thinking about, and it seems so much more important now that Zach has been knighted and Guinevere has showed you so much favour.

"Baby you can always propose a compromise." He promises.

“I was thinking maybe we could just stay a few more months.” It’s been in your head, and you can’t shake it now - that feeling is wanting to enjoy every moment with him that you can. “Just for the summer. We can make a plan for how to handle things when we get back, and we get a beautiful, extended honeymoon.” With Zach’s complete confidence that Merlin’s real magic will have a way to make happen, you consider a matter of when, not if. But it doesn’t hurt to have a plan. “The worst thing that happens is we live our lives in Camelot. And baby, that’s not bad at all.”

Zach hums, thinking about it and he has to admit that he enjoys the idea of it. "We do need to roam more of the wild Welsh countryside." He concedes. "And my training is about to include horseback riding and jousting."

“Please don’t make me go back until after you’ve done an actual joust?” You beg, giving him the best pleading eyes you’re physically capable of. “That’s going to be the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.”

"A Knight's Tale was one of your favorite movies, wasn't it?" He teases you playfully, grinning and hugging you tight.

“Yes it is.” You nod emphatically against his chest. “And I still say Heath Ledger has nothing on Zach Wellison.”

Zach snorts and shakes his head. "I think you are a little blinded by love." He tells you with a wink.

“Or have my eyes been fully opened?” You wink right back, giggling at the playfulness of it.

"Was your wedding day everything that you dreamed it would be when you were a little girl?" He asks softly, reaching over and caressing your cheek.

“It was better.” Though you will always wish your parents could have been there to share such a special moment with you, you have had twenty years of practice in reminding yourself that they’re with you every moment that you think of them - so to you, they were right there the whole time. “The idea of wedding cake made of lasagna and dancing to N*SYNC with Prince William was fun at the time, but today was definitely better.”

He chuckles and gives you a pleased look. "That's good to know." He tells you and gives a small groan. "I'll go bar the door downstairs; I know you have to pee." He nods over to the corner where a screen is set up. "I made you a wedding gift."

Curiosity gets you out of bed more than anything else, and Zach slips out of the room to set the beam across your door. Behind the privacy screen - an improvement over most chamber pot use to begin with - is an actual chair with the chamber pot set into it. "You made me a toilet!" You call back at him, laughing at the pure simplicity and comfort of it.

He chuckles as he comes back into your rooms and walks over to the fireplace so he can stoke the fire. "I know it's not the most romantic but I figured you might like a creature comfort of modern times."

“Taking care of me is the most romantic thing possible.” You tell him when you come out from behind the divider. “And now my wedding gift feels much less weird.”

He tilts his head at you curiously after adding another log. It still got fucking cold at night and he wasn't freezing his ass off while he's naked on his honeymoon. He had made sure they had stacked plenty of wood downstairs, so he doesn't even have to get dressed to bring up more. "You didn't have to do anything for me."

“You didn’t have to do anything for me, either.” You go out into the other room, quickly reappearing with a nearly tied cloth bundle in your arms. “I’m no good with my own two hands, but I guess we both had creature comforts in mind when it came to gifts.”

He takes the package and keeps your hand, lifting it to his lips. "Did you like your ring?" He asks softly, wanting to make sure that he had done well.

“Baby, it’s gorgeous. I love it.” The stunning gold band is carved with flowers and an intricate knot pattern around three small garnets on the outside, with the words Forever my love engraved on the inside of the band. “That must have been one hell of a crib you traded for it.”

"It was." His chest puffs out and he smirks at you. "I wish I could take a picture of it. It is beautiful."

“I’ll have to pay a visit to the metal smith’s wife so I can take a look.” Nudging the bundle into his arms, you lean over and kiss him softly. “Open up, baby.”

He smiles at you, honestly never expecting anything but he is curious. Opening the twine, he unfolds the cloth so he can see what's inside. "Baby...." He huffs, looking up at you. "Are these—"

“Medieval boxers?” You shrug a little, feeling extremely silly about the whole thing. “You said you hate going commando in leather pants, so I figured…why not?”

"I love them." He assures you with a grin, holding up the garment. "Do you want me to model them for you?" He asks playfully, holding them in front of his groin and wiggling his hips.

“I want you fully naked for at least another twenty-four hours.” You tell him honestly. “But after that I’ll be very excited to see you in your linen booty shorts.”

He snickers and nods, having no objections to your clothing ban. “Done. And then, when we do get dressed, I want to go back to the hot springs with you again.”

“Maybe we can head out there on horseback once you’re feeling okay with your riding lessons.” Climbing back under the blankets, you pull them to the side to invite him back in beside you.

“We can do that.” He smirks and doesn’t waste any time climbing back in the bed beside you. “So we learn how to ride and I learn how to joust, you learn all the ways of the 5th century and we see how well Merlin’s birth control works.”

“We have to hope it works pretty damn well.” Like a magnet, you tuck back into his side immediately. “Or else we’re going to end up accidentally adding another human to the timeline.”

Humming, he wraps his arm around you. “I am not even worrying about it right now.” He slides his hand down and squeezing your ass. “What I want right now if to watch my wife ride me.”

“Hmmm.” Pretending to think about it very hard, you end up giggling at the sweet, borderline pleading look on his face. “I can make that happen,” you promise, kissing along his chest.

It’s a testament to how comfortable you have gotten with him that you are even considering this. He feels like you would have balked if it were anyone else, but he has never been shy about telling you how much he loves your body. “Fuck yes. I’m definitely playing with your tits while you ride me like I’m your mount.” He teases, waggling his brows at you.

“Oh yeah?” His excitement is enough to relax you a little, and you end up sighing against him while you let your hands explore the planes of his body that you now know so well. “Does that turn you on? My tits bouncing in your face?”

“Fuck yes.” He groans and smirks at you, “Before we leave this bed, I will get you to sit that pretty pussy on my face too.”

“You’ll suffocate.” And you’re not about to give him up so quickly.

“Pfft.” He huffs and you and shakes his head. “Well, first of all, through God, all things are possible, so jot that down. Second, no I won’t. I can pick you up.”

“I’ll think about it…is that okay?” It’s not something that you foresee being comfortable with anytime too soon, but if it’s something he wants then you’re willing to try it. You’re just not ready yet.

“Okay.” The last thing he wants to do is upset you on your wedding night, so he decides to table it for now. He makes a mental note to start picking you up as often as possible, just to prove a point.

“I promise I’ll get there.” It won’t be the first time you’ve put a body image issue aside for the lover and it won’t be the last. The only difference is that, from now on, Zach is the only person any of this applies to.

“I want you to want it, baby.” He promises. “Until then, I’ll just dream of burying my face in your pussy while you suck my cock.” He leans in and kisses you. “No doing it just for me.”

You groan, squirming against him in anticipation. “You know that letting me suck your cock opens the door to pretty much everything.”

There is an evil grin on his face and he slaps your ass lightly. “Why do you think I mentioned it?” He chuckles at your pout and leans up to kiss you again “I love you, baby.”

“I love you, too.” Letting yourself sink against him is like floating on a cloud, even as you force yourself to remember that Zach is much stronger than you and having you straddle his lap will not hurt him in any way, shape, or form.

He can sense your hesitation. There is a part of him that wants to push you, force you out of your comfort zone, but right now, he just wants you to feel loved and adored. Instead of waiting for you to make up your mind, he rolls you over onto your side and pulls your leg back over his hip. His chest presses against your back and he cock slips between your thighs to slide along your folds.

“I’ll get there.” You hate how small your voice is, and how ridiculous it makes you feel, but the fact that Zach isn’t going to push you makes all the difference in the world.

“Don’t you worry about it baby.” His lips find your neck, kissing along your skin while he slides his arm under you to cup your tit in one hand while the other holds himself while he teases your pussy with his cock. “No judgement in our bed. No feeling bad. Nothing but love and lust.” He promises.

“I’ll get there.” You repeat it again like a mantra, turning your head back to push the worries away with a kiss. It’s just more evidence of how right Zach is for you, you think as your hips start to move in time with his, that he seems to have such infinite patience for your insecurities.

Humming against your lips, he pushes deeper inside you and groans when you clench down around him like a vice. “Love you.”

“Love. You.” Punctuated with kisses and a deep moan as every inch of him fills you to bursting, the rest of the world blissfully slips from your mind once more. “Fuck, baby… I’ll never get over how good you feel…”

“Yeah?” He scraps his teeth over your shoulder. “Only because of how well you take me.” The hand on your hip slides down, fingers deftly finding your clit and starting to rub in time with his thrusts.

“Like you were - oh fuck - made for me.” The extra stimulation has you whimpering, back arching to press your tits tighter into his hand and your hand reaches back to grab a handful of his ass in nonverbal encouragement.

“Was baby.” He huffs out, keeping that delicious pace up, loving the feeling of your walls scrubbing against his cock and squeezing it tight every time he thrusts deep. “Just for you.”

“Fuck, I love you.” No words will ever get close to describing how good he feels moving inside you, or how he sweeps away all the bullshit negativity just by kissing you. Love is the word that encompasses all of that - and maybe that’s why you’ve never loved anyone besides him.

"I love you baby, love you so much." He is starting to ramble, the rough thrusts of his hips starting to build up and his fingers are trying to keep up, to push you over the edge first. Needing you to feel pleasure first.

His devastating accuracy has you shaking in his arms, every stroke of his cock dragging increasingly incoherent sounds out of you. Your whole body seems to clamp down on his in every way, fingers digging into his skin, teeth nipping at his lip, velvet walls gripping his length right inside you while you drench him in another flood of cum when you cry out his name into the night.

His eyes close and he groans out you name like a prayer in church. He is prayer, to the altar that is your body. It's where he wants to worship every single day. "My heart." He pants, your orgasm bringing him over the edge right behind you. "It's yours."

Happy tears aren’t something you’re well-acquainted well. They haven’t been a part of your life and they’re not a part of how you express yourself. But the few tears escaping the corners of your eyes now are so full of love that when you twist in his arms to kiss him as he paints your womb with another burst of hot seed, the dampness finds his cheeks, as well.

"Don't cry, sweetheart." Zach tastes your tears in the kiss and his hand slides up to cup your cheek, brushing his thumb over the wetness. "Never want to see you cry." He murmurs and moves his mouth so he can kiss your eyelids.

“Happy tears.” You practically choke on the words since they’re so foreign. “Didn’t know that was possible…”

Zach hums, relieved that you are not upset, but he doesn't stop leaving tender kisses on your face. Wherever he can reach. "My love, my beautiful wife." He murmurs softly, "I am so happy I could cry too." He confesses. "I never thought I would have this - be worthy of this."

As much as you love feeling him inside you, it’s more important in this moment to be able to hold him in your arms, and you shift just enough to pout a little as his softening length slips out of you before turning around fully to wrap your arm around his body. “I don’t think either of us thought this could happen, love.” You tell him softly, in between gentle kisses dusted across his face. “But you never stopped being worthy of love.”

"Just like you have always been worthy of love, baby." He turns it on you and sighs when his own arms slot around your back and he gives you a starry-eyed look.

“Let me love you,” you insist, poking his side playfully. “You deserve every second of it.”

He squirms away from your ticklish poke and pouts at you. "I will let you love me for as long as you want." He promises.

“So forever, then.” There is not a single doubt in your mind that what you feel for him could ever fade or change.

"Forever." He agrees easily, giving you a genuine smile. He loves the idea of forever with you.

______

Master Tags: @pixiedurango @chattychell @winter-fox-queen @lady-himbo @artsymaddie @princess76179 @paintballkid711 @missminkylove @pedrosbrat @ew-erin @sarahjkl82-blog @sharkbait77 @justanotherblonde23 @lv7867 @recklesswit @mylittlesenaar @f0rever15elf @gallowsjoker @steeevienicks

Once…: @raisonppascxl @skvatnavle @luminescentlily @lowlights @allthe-ships @ikinmahlen @girlwholoveswords

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#Pedro Pascal #Pedro Pascal character fanfiction #Pedro Pascal fanfic #Zach Wellison #Zach Wellison x reader #Zach Wellison x you #Zach Wellison x female reader #plus size reader #Camelot #time travel au #Brothers and Sisters #celebration fic #idiots in love

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bitsandbobsofwriting · 3 years

Text

A rogue Druid’s “please join us” speech to Merlin triggers a few things:

Gwaine tries to commit regicide, Leon confronts his (understandable) fear of Dragons, and Merlin has a full on mental breakdown.

The knights are left to pick up the pieces and all of them consider following Gwaine’s lead.

ANGSTY ANGSTY

TW: Blood, death, nightmares. Physical and verbal abuse. A very brief implication of potential suicide/self harm.

Everyone notices the sudden changes within the group, it would be hard not to notice.

No one has any clue what happened though.

One day, everything is fine. If they think back, they realise Merlin had seemed a little... nervous? Maybe? But other than that, everything was fine, normal.

But the next day? From then until now, a month later? Everything was different.

Arthur seemed much angrier. He flew off the handle over the smallest mistakes, he worked the knights so hard in training that at least three of them had to go to Gaius for treatment everyday, and he didn’t seem like he planned on letting up any time soon. He snapped at everyone, even Gwen and Gaius, which was unheard of.

Merlin seemed... quieter. The knights, Gwen, and Gaius barely saw him, but when they did, he flinched at even the slightest noise; his eyes constantly darted around, looking for a way to escape, and he wouldn’t let anyone touch him.

They were worried, but Arthur was so constantly furious that no one dared bring it up with him, and the one time they tried to ask Merlin, he came up with some ridiculous excuse and ran away. They thought they had barely seen him before, but after that they didn’t see him at all for at least four days.

They also noticed how both of their worrying moods seemed ten times worse when they were with each other. Even just being in the same room, made Arthur angrier, and Merlin... they didn’t want to think it but... more scared.

After three weeks of this, they gathered together, and put into place their emergency plan. Leon would speak directly to Arthur, and Lancelot would speak directly to Merlin.

Of all of them, they were the most trusted by each target, and were the most likely to get answers, and the least likely to get a bad reaction if answers were refused.

They were... pretty wrong. Merlin reacted in the same way as he had to the group two and a half weeks ago. Which is odd, because he normally tells Lancelot everything, and not only did he not tell him, he lied and came up with excuses.

Leon was much worse for wear. He showed up a while after Lancelot, pale and miserable. Arthur had just yelled at him a bunch and assigned him extra patrols.

A few days later, they were all still struggling with what to do when Arthur informed them of a quest that was to be undertaken. They were... nervous, to say the least. Going on any sort of dangerous trip with Arthur in this state was bound to go badly, but they could hardly refuse, and they definitely couldn’t bring up the issue again.

So they resigned themselves to it. Gwen wished them luck, and made sure to give Merlin an extra tight hug before they left, and Gaius slipped a few extra medical supplies in each of the knights packs, just in case.

Apparently, patrols of Camelot Knights kept going missing. Whole groups of soldiers, in one very specific area near the border, were just not coming back.

Arthur could hardly justify sending more patrols out, so despite his foul mood, and his desperation to stay away from everyone, he took himself, his five best knights, and his manservant.

Elyan could’ve sworn he heard Arthur mutter something along the lines of “As if I’d leave you here unsupervised.”, to Merlin, the tone far less jesting that it might’ve been a month ago, but he kept it to himself. They were travelling and camping together, there would hardly be an opportunity to share without Arthur and Merlin there.

And like they were all expecting, the trip was hell.

Awkward silences that not even Gwaine could fill, Merlin looking close to tears the whole time, and Arthur constantly looking like he’s considering extreme violence.

Merlin even rides at the back of the group (unheard of), doesn’t complain even once about anything (even more unheard of), and the few times he does speak, he addresses all of them by their titles (down-right panic inducing).

They, of course, realise it had been a trap far too late, and before they even had time to shout and draw their swords, the camp fades around them.

When they wake an indiscernible amount of time later, they have been stripped of armour and weapons, and have been shackled.

They appear to be in a circular, one-room hut, the knights spaced equally and chained to the wall. Their cloaks remain, but any chainmail or armour they had been equipped with was gone, leaving them in the thin clothes they wore underneath, completely unprotected.

Merlin stood in the middle of the room, looking very confused. Once he noticed the knights stirring, he tried to take a step towards them, but frowned when he realised he couldn’t get within a arm’s reach of them.

Once the knights came around fully, they realised that whilst Merlin couldn’t move all that much, they couldn’t speak.

Arthur looks to Merlin with fury written all over his face, and pulls violently on his chains. Merlin flinches back and gasps out:

“This has nothing to do with me, I swear!”

Before the rest of the knights have time to change their expressions to one of confusion, a man walks through the door. Everyone’s gazes turn to him quickly, and they take in his appearance.

He looked like a Druid... but not quite right, like he hadn’t actually been to a camp in a while. He wore neutral colours, browns and greens, but despite his calm demeanour and gentle face, he looked a little crazed.

Where Druids stand calmly and walk softly, this man rushed in and fiddled with his hands, eyes darting around the room at everyone’s faces.

When Merlin goes to demand he introduce himself, the Druid holds a hand up, silencing him (no magic, just a gesture), and begins to speak:

“Who I am, does not matter. But I do know who you are, Emrys. I shall explain it your friends first, so they don’t get too lost.-”

The Druid smiles sadly, and turns to the knights, all of whom (apart from Lancelot) stare on in confusion at the melancholy resignation on the Druid’s face, and the dread on Merlin’s. Still unable to speak, and with very limited movement, they reluctantly resign themselves to listening to whatever speech the villain of the week had come up with.

“-Emrys has been being seen in prophetic visions for centuries. Whilst Uther Pendragon was destined to start the purge, Emrys, or as you know him: Merlin, is destined to stop it. He is said to be the most powerful Warlock to ever walk the earth, past present and future. He can bend the very elements of the world, bring down armies, turn cities to ash with a flick of his wrist. But destiny also foretold of The Once and Future King. Most have accepted that Arthur Pendragon, is said king.-”

Merlin was stiff but panicky during the Druid’s explanation, having realised that for whatever reason, he didn’t have access to his magic right now.

He could feel it buzzing under his skin, but every time he tried to pull it forward, it abandoned him, burrowing deep into his soul and hiding.

Merlin was tense and angry, angry that the chance to tell his friends the truth himself had been taken away, but his statue-like stillness is broken as he frowns and flinches slightly at the thinly veiled disgust in the sorcerer’s voice as he says Arthur’s name.

The Knights look confused, and very much shocked, their gazes flickering between the Druid and Merlin, but he refuses to meet their eyes.

“-Together, Emrys and the Forever King are destined to bring harmony and peace to the world, to restore magic’s place alongside the non magic, to inspire compassion, and stop the unjust genocide that Uther started.-”

Arthur and Leon shuffle uncomfortably at the mention of the late King and his sins, but are more focused on the other shocking revelations. The other knights (again, bar Lancelot, who is staring at Merlin apologetically) seem invested in the story, though they’re clearly confused.

Arthur was made aware of Merlin’s magic a few weeks ago, but despite Merlin’s choice to tell him willingly, he had reacted badly, and in his rage, hadn’t allowed Merlin to explain himself. The other knights were, of course, unaware of this, though they quickly put two and two together.

Despite Merlin’s best efforts, Arthur had stayed in the dark about the whole Emrys-prophecy-destiny thing.

The Druid gives each knight a short assessing gaze, seemingly to make sure they were paying attention.

He turns his attention back to Merlin, who is trying very hard to keep his expression blank (and failing) as he listens:

-”And how long have you waited, my friend, for Arthur to play his part in destiny. Ten years, of having the prophecies shoved down your throat by idealists, being told that you have no choice but to serve a man who would see your head on a spike should he know who you truly are. Ten years in the service of a man who has caused you nothing but pain, given you nothing but nightmares.-”

Merlin flinches and looks away. Every magic user in, or even near Camelot shares the same nightmares, all caused by the Pendragon Reign. There’s no need for a discussion about it, no need for a denial.

“-His father ripped your family apart. He himself stood at the grave of your best friend and told you he was evil, he himself killed the woman you loved-”

Arthur frowns in confusion at this. Merlin had never been in love. But he quickly doubts himself when he hears Merlin gasp quietly, and looks to him to see a tear slip down his cheek.

Fury flashes quickly across Lancelot’s face, obviously knowing the story, but he covers it quickly, and no one is the wiser to the anger slowly growing in his chest at what this so-called Druid was putting his friend through.

The Druid speaks his next words quietly, though still loud enough for everyone in the room to hear, as he lifts a soft hand and gently wipes away Merlin’s tear:

“-I know what you see when you close your eyes. I know why you are so exhausted. But do they? Have you told them?-”

The Druid nods his head in the direction of the knights, but doesn’t break eye contact with Merlin, who sniffles slightly before looking to the floor in shame.

“-Of the smoke and flames that you choke on when you sleep? You dream of pyres built just for you, built by the people you care most about. Even when you are awake, every second you have your eyes closed, every time you blink, you are forced to picture your so-called King with a sword at your throat, as if the scene were painted onto the back of your eyelids.-”

His voice had risen as he spoke and he had begun to pace, anger growing at the pain his Lord had gone through. He practically spits the word “King”, like just saying it disgusts him.

Merlin remains quiet, but he has a steady stream of tears down his face as he looks back at the Druid with despair. The knights watch on in anguish as they see the way he is suffering.

Arthur stops feeling angry and confused, and starts to feel a little guilty. Not that he would let it show; he stares on blankly.

Everyone wanted desperately to believe that the Druid was lying, manipulating them, that Merlin would deny it. But he didn’t. And that told them all they needed to know.

The Druid stopped his pacing, coming to a stand still in front of Merlin and cupping one of his cheeks softly with his hand. The knights pretend not to see Merlin lean into it slightly as his tears continue to fall.

The Druid begins again, speaking softly once more:

“-Were those fears unfounded? Were those nightmares irrational? I see the terror in your eyes. I see how petrified of your King you are.-”

Merlin lets out a shaky breath and glances quickly to Arthur, before looking back at the man in front of him.

The King is taken aback, and the knights are furious at the flash of fear on Merlin’s face when his gaze had momentarily met Arthur’s.

“-What did he do, when he found out? When you bared your soul and gave him nothing but honesty, and undeserved apologies. What did he do?-”

Merlin lets out his first audible sob, and the Knights pull at their chains slightly, desperate to comfort their friend. Arthur slumps back, remembering his actions as if they were mere hours ago.

One of Merlin’s hands lifted to cover his mouth as he chokes back a second sob, but the other lifts subconsciously to tug at the scarf around his neck.

The Druid lets a single tear escape his eye as he waves his hand gently, the scarf disappearing with the gentle golden glow of his eyes.

Merlin seems too distraught to notice; and moves both hands to clamp tightly over his mouth as tears stream down his face. His shoulders hunch, but not enough for any of the knights to miss what the Druid had clearly been trying to expose; a thin, barely healed scar along the base of his throat. As if a sword had been pressed there.

The Druid’s eyes lose focus slightly and he frowns as he ghosts a finger over the scar, seemingly asking the next question to himself:

“-Nightmares on the back of your eyelids, or visions of the future, hmm?-”

His eyes refocus, and he cards a hand through Merlin’s hair, trying to calm the man’s heartache as the knights stare on in horror.

Arthur resists the urge to look towards his knights, not wanting to see the disgusted glares he knows they’re sending his way.

The Druid pauses for a moment in his speech, waiting for Merlin to calm slightly before he quietly continued:

“-And what has he done since then? Has he allowed explanation? Has he seen the error of his ways and tried to understand? Or has he called you a liar, and a traitor. Has he called you a monster, whilst demanding that you continue to serve him?-”

Merlin’s breathing grows deeper as he struggles to control his sobs. He lowers his hands to be clenched at his sides, shaking, as the Druid softly places his hands on his shoulders.

His next words are spoken even quieter, though the knights can still hear him and the deadly anger that’s barely concealed in the man’s tone:

“-Has he laid hands on you, and called you a beast, while you cowered in fear, knowing that if you defended yourself he would see himself proven right?-”

Merlin let’s out loud, gasping sobs once more as the Druid’s hands travel softly down, from his shoulders to his wrists. There, he looks down, sorrow on his face as he carefully lifts Merlin’s sleeves, bunching them around his elbows.

The knights decide then and there they are going to protect Merlin no matter what, no matter from whom, as they each see the handprint shaped bruises littering Merlin’s arms.

“-He has hurt you, over and over and over-”

As he speaks, the Druid hovers his hands over the bruises, his eyes glowing softly golden as they heal.

“-And you despair, believing yourself worthless-”

Merlin flinches, and his sobbing grows more intense as his face is taken in soft hands.

“-waiting on a Golden Age that he refuses to bring. He is cruel, and unjust, how many more times must he hurt you? How many more of our people will the Pendragon line slaughter, out of misguided hatred? How much more sleep must you lose? How many more nightmares must you endure? You have stood loyally by his side for a decade, and had to stand and watch as he continued his father’s legacy, forced to believe it was destiny.-”

The Druid says “destiny” as if he hates the taste of the word in his mouth, the bloodshed of the past almost thirty years clearly having made him lose faith in the prophecies.

Merlin’s breathing has calmed slightly, and the knights aren’t sure whether to be relieved or frightened, as the Druid desperately continues, clutching Merlin’s hands in his own:

“-Too many lives have been lost, too much innocent blood spilt. Haven’t you yourself been forced to kill your own people to protect this False King from the consequences of his own actions?-”

The knights think too soon as Merlin’s breathing and sobs grow erratic once more. The manservant almost falls to the floor, his eyes clenched desperately shut, and only the Druids hands on his shoulders keeping him upright:

“-I was young, and naïve once. I too, believed in Arthur Pendragon, I believed in the prophecies, I believed he would a great king and a good man-”

He leans forward, pressing his forehead to Merlin’s as he gently says:

“-but he is not. He has failed you, and failed our people.-”

The Druid steps back, but still holds Merlin’s shoulder tightly as he gives him a pleading look.

The knights know what’s coming before it is said, and with the anguish and desperation and grief on their friend’s face? After they learned what their benevolent King had done? Well... they wouldn’t have blamed Merlin for saying yes.

“-I ask you to join me, Emrys. I know it’s difficult, to give up on a man you gave so much of yourself to, but there is too much Uther in him. It’s time, and you know this, to rewrite destiny. Dig your own path, liberate your own people, bring magic and compassion and harmony back to the world yourself.-”

Merlin, though distraught, still looks doubtful, and the knights hold their breath as the Druid continues, becoming more and more furious at their inability to speak.

All of them have tears in their eyes, if not falling already, even Arthur, though he has remained still and blank through the tears.

“-I know the flames you fear, the sword’s edge, the gallows’ drop, the axe’s fall. Do not let our kin continue to fear those things, do not stand by, waiting for the Pendragon tyrant to change, and allowing sacrifices to be made in the mean time.-”

Merlin’s sobbing begins again, and the Druid kisses him softly on the forehead before kneeling to the floor, gripping Merlin’s hands and looking up at him desperately:

"-You are Emrys, Lord of the Druids, and Conduit for all magic of this world. Not some servant that an entitled brat can toss around and treat lesser than the dirt he walks on. You are my King, our King. Not him.-”

He stands again and grips Merlin’s arms tightly, most likely leaving more bruises in place of the ones he had healed.

Merlin doesn’t notice the pain, but shakes his head stutteringly, still crying.

“-Do not let your people lose you to Arthur, as Arthur lost himself to Uther. To give up on him is painful, but the screams of your kin, burning for their gifts, echoing in your skull day and night?-”

The Druid’s hands move up to grip the sides of Merlin’s head, and he shakes him ever so slightly, his tone frantic and pleading:

“-That is worse. That is pain he will never understand, and certainly never care for. Join me, please my Lord I beg you, for our people.”

One of the Druid’s hands slides lower, to softly cup Merlin’s cheek again, but the other drops entirely.

The knights have never resented being magically gagged more than in this moment. They could do nothing but watch on in horror as the man summons a dagger behind his back.

The Druid is clearly waiting on his response, and Merlin is too distraught to notice the consequences of a wrong answer, tears flowing quickly down his face and ugly sobs forcing their way out of his throat.

Arthur watches in terror, knowing that this was his fault, that every shitty, selfish decision he had ever made had to led to this point. And the knights knew it too.

All they can do is pray to every deity they know the name of, that Arthur has done enough damage for Merlin to say yes. And oh, what a terrible thing to pray for.

The Druid softly strokes Merlin’s cheekbone with his thumb as the Warlock takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself. He looks up, meeting the gaze of the man opposite him before croaking:

“I... I can’t. Arthur is a good man, I have faith that he will-”

Before he can finish his sentence, the dagger is thrust up into his chest, his words stuttering to a stop and his red-rimmed eyes growing wide at the sudden, agonising pain spreading throughout his body.

Merlin is vaguely aware of the knights pulling roughly at their chains, but he pays them no mind as blood gurgles up his throat and he frowns, struggling to hear what the Druid was whispering in his ear:

“Then you have forsaken your people, and so I shall forsake you. Traitor.”

With that, Merlin is dropped roughly to the floor, dagger still imbedded in his chest as he lands on his side. Blood spills from both his mouth and the wound, eyes unfocused but heavy as the tears continue to overflow.

The knights are silently screaming, thrashing against their chains as their friend chokes, but Merlin ignores them in favour of smiling gently at the soft feeling of nothing, growing outwards from his chest.

He frowns once more, as though remembering something, and his eyes go glassy as two words escape from his mouth, barely a whisper:

“I’m... sorry...”

An apology to whom, no one knows, but with those last words his body goes completely still, the pool of blood still expanding beneath him, and his eyes unseeingly staring just to the left of The King.

No one in the room can tear their eyes from Merlin’s pale corpse, face now a mess of tears and blood.

The Druid looks down at him with an odd mix of contempt, and genuine sorrow. He had obviously waited long enough that his resentment of Arthur had bled into his feelings for his so-called saviour, but still grieved for what could have been.

The Knights look at him in horror, all understanding that they had never been lucky, they had just had Merlin. He had never asked for thanks, or recognition, or reward. He had kept them all safe, at great expense to himself, and now he was dead.

Lancelot seems the... calmest, though he still cries like the rest of them. He had, in theory, known of the pain Merlin was in, but had he known it was plaguing him to this extent... well perhaps he wouldn’t have been so loyal to Arthur.

Arthur himself stares at Merlin with nothing but terror and agonising grief. He had done this. If he had just let Merlin explain, if he had just given him five minutes, instead of bruises and nightmares and fear, then he would still be alive.

If he hadn’t been so selfish and cruel, perhaps hundreds of people, just like Merlin, just as scared and innocent as Merlin, would also be alive.

Merlin had spent his entire time in Camelot trying to convince Arthur that he wasn’t his father... and Arthur had gone and proven him wrong at every turn. And even then Merlin still had faith, still called him a good man.

The silencing spell still has hold over the knights, so they cry and scream and thrash soundlessly as the Druid finally rips his gaze from the body at his feet.

He steps carefully around Merlin to stand in front of Arthur. The sorrow clears from his face, leaving only contempt and rage left to be directed at the man in front of him. Arthur does not look up, keeping his tear stained face focused on the floor, even as the Druid begins to speak:

“You see what you have done, Arthur Pendragon? You think magic is the thing that corrupts, but it is not. It is you. Emrys was meant to be a saviour, a God, a guiding light to help our people to safety, but you tainted him, reduced him to nothing more than a sad, scared boy, and then reduced him further, to a corpse. My hands are clean of blood Pendragon, but yours?? Oh, yours are drenched in it.”

Arthur slowly lifts his distraught gaze to the Druid, but quickly widens his eyes at what he sees.

Merlin stands behind the Druid, eyes glowing golden, tears once more streaming down his face as he grips the handle of the dagger, still buried in his chest.

The bloodstains grow even larger as he grimaces slightly and pulls it free, before wordlessly forcing it through the Druid’s back.

The man lets out a sudden gasp, and looks down to see just the tip of the blade poking out where his heart should be. He gargles something, words that no one can make out, before Merlin pulls the dagger out again, and his body crumples to the floor.

The knights and Arthur can feel the silencing spell release them, but none of them make even a noise as they stare in shock at their tormented, but very much alive, friend.

Merlin drops the dagger from his hand and it lands with a splash in the mixing puddles of blood, before he himself falls harshly to his knees.

The others finally break out of their stupor, once again pulling towards their friend. Their cries and shouts of his name can be heard by everyone but him as he leans forward, placing his forehead against that of the lifeless Druid.

His cries grow erratic again as he whispers apology after apology, and every heart breaks even more at the sight before them.

They know why he apologises, they know why he grieves, even over a man who had tried to... had succeeded in killing him. The death of yet another of his own kind who was sick of waiting, who was rightfully angry, was not something to be celebrated.

They had thought, at the beginning of this, that they would get through whatever the Druid threw at them, they always did. But this, the brokenness of one of their dearest friends, was not something that looks fixable.

Merlin finally sits up again and he sobs louder, still deaf and blind to those around him. Lancelot has just enough time to yell at the others to cover their eyes, as a gut-wrenching scream escapes the Warlock.

They’re almost blinded, even with their eyes tightly shut and their arms thrown up. The scream is the loudest, and most anguished they’ve ever heard, and the force in which Merlin releases his magic completely eviscerates the hut they had been chained in.

Each of them is thrown violently backwards, and their chains crumble to the floor with the rest of the building as they try to find purchase on the ground. None of them are hurt too badly, and they’re grateful for the fact that even in this state, Merlin’s magic seems incapable of really causing them any damage.

The scream ends, and the knights look up to see Merlin sat in the middle of the crater he had created, staring blankly into the middle distance. Tears still stream down his face, but he doesn’t move and he makes no sound, just kneels there with his blood soaked hands on his lap, palms towards the sky.

It takes a few moments for the knights to regain their senses, but once they do, all hell breaks loose.

Gwaine immediately gets to his feet and makes a rush towards Arthur, fully intending on throttling him, screaming obscenities as he went, but Percival and Elyan jump forward, grabbing an arm each and dragging him away as he curses the King and the Sky and the Gods.

As much as Percival and Elyan were not impartial to killing Arthur right now, Merlin was the priority, and as much as he may have deserved it, Merlin would never forgive them if they hurt the King.

Arthur seems to be unaware of the attempt on his life made by one of his most trusted knights, and just stares blankly at an equally blank Merlin.

Lancelot and Leon make a bee-line for the Warlock, but stop just short of touching him, not knowing how he would react.

Leon nods gently at Lancelot, clearly having picked up that this knight had already known at least part of the story. Lancelot returns his nod, before moving forward slowly. The body of the Druid lays untouched at Merlin’s knees, and the knight removes his cloak, laying it over him, before reaching a slow hand towards Merlin’s shoulder.

He finally makes contact after a little hesitation, whispering his name as gently and as comfortingly as he is able with tears still leaking from his eyes.

Merlin doesn’t react at all to Lancelot’s touch, not even when he takes his bloody hand, or shakes his shoulder slightly; just sits and stares and cries.

Leon gulps before reaching forward himself. He grabs the dagger from besides Merlin and tosses it behind him (he didn’t like to think about that action too much. He has no idea what state his friend is in right now, best to not have any sharp instruments within his reach when he came to.) before lifting his hand to wipe away the man’s tears.

Arthur stares upon all of this in horror from his position sprawled on the floor a few metres away.

Elyan and Percival have just about managed to calm Gwaine, and they begin making their way to Leon, Lancelot, and Merlin, but before they get even halfway there, Arthur finally speaks.

His voice breaks, and is barely audible, but everyone hears him nonetheless as he murmurs:

“I did this...”

Gwaine makes another run at him, regaining his anger, and Percival and Elyan just about manage to grab him before he commits regicide.

Lancelot and Leon look up at him sharply, but when Lancelot lowers his gaze and continues to try and rouse Merlin, Leon holds the King’s gaze, and says strongly:

“Yes. Yes you did, My Lord.”

Arthur’s face crumbles even more, and Leon glares at him with venom for a few more seconds, before giving Lancelot a soft pat on the back, and walking towards the other three.

He mumbles a few harsh things that only Gwaine can hear, who responds at first with more anger, but then resignation. The First Knight gives the man a pat on the back and nods knowingly at Elyan and Percival. No one, not even Gwaine, pretends to miss the meaning of “be ready to catch him again” in the gesture.

Arthur stays in his position on the floor as the four of them walk softly towards Merlin and Lancelot, but before they get there, everyone’s gazes are drawn to the shadow in the sky, getting closer and closer.

It moves with an alarming place, and their anger at Arthur is momentarily forgotten as he scrambles up and screams:

“DRAGON!!”

Gwaine, Elyan, Percival and Arthur rush forward to stand between the beast and the other three. They have no armour or weapons, but like hell were they just going to let it get to them.

Lancelot looks up to see the white, horse sized beast land heavily in front of The King, his eyes widen and he jumps up, rushing forward to push between the others.

Leon moves to hold a still unresponsive Merlin behind his back protectively, but frowns in confusion when Lancelot yells at Arthur (who had been about to run at the beast):

“NO! No don’t hurt her! She’s Merlin’s, don’t hurt her!”

Everyone looks at him in confusion and fear as he slowly approaches the Dragon, she had been growling lowly at first, but seemed to perk up when she saw Lancelot.

Lancelot gives her a small smile, and holds his hand out, allowing her to come to him, before quietly saying:

“I’ve never been more glad to see you, Aithusa. Merlin is over here.”

He turns back towards the others, and calmly, but forcefully says:

“Move. She needs to see him.”

Gwaine nods after a moment, trusting Lancelot, and moves out of the way. Arthur goes to argue, but Elyan and Percival roughly shove him to the side, clearing a path to Merlin and Leon for Lancelot and the new, slightly terrifying, arrival.

Leon looks up fearfully, still in front of Merlin protectively. He stares at the Dragon for a few moments, breathing deeply, before looking up at Lancelot. Lancelot gives him a weak smile, and a nod before saying quietly:

“He’s a Dragon-Lord. She can help him, it’s ok.”

Leon gulps, before nodding, and stepping out of the way. He doesn’t move too far, obviously still affected by his last encounter with a Dragon, and watches with unconcealed suspicion as Aithusa prances around Lancelot at his nod.

The others crowd closer as well, looking on in confusion, awe, suspicion, as Aithusa slowly approaches Merlin.

She lays down at his side, gently pressing her head onto Merlin’s hands, still in his lap. Her mouth opens and Leon gasps as she blows a gentle mist up into his face. Merlin’s back straightens and the knights can see his eyes come back into focus as he blinks.

They all stare with bated breath as he gulps, and begins to notice his surroundings; looking in fear at the crater around him.

Merlin is broken from his growing panic as Aithusa chirps softly from his lap, and his head whips down, only now noticing her.

The knights let out a collective breath as he smiles, very slightly and very briefly, but still; after what they had just seen him go through they would take anything. He leans his head down, and wraps his arms around the creature. She chirps once again, louder this time, as she uses her tail to push away the forgotten Druid’s corpse.

She curls her body around Merlin protectively, and he collapses even further into the semi-embrace she’s giving him. The knights smile slightly, relieved that Merlin seems responsive, and safe, before they take slow steps towards the two of them.

She whips her head up quickly and growls at them, digging her front claws into the ground. They take in sudden breaths and stop moving, wary, but she stops growling when she looks to Lancelot.

The others stare on in shock and confusion as she tilts her head slightly, and Lancelot nods as he quietly says:

“They’re friends, it’s ok.”

The creature seems to nod, and the others follow behind Lancelot as he begins moving towards Merlin again.

He crouches down, and gives Aithusa a well-received scratch on the chin, before he gently places a hand between Merlin’s shoulder-blades.

Percival, Elyan, Gwaine, and finally Leon follow suit, sitting carefully next to the Dragon, but unlike Lancelot, they don’t touch her, or Merlin. She may seem safe and loving and on their side, but she was still a Dragon.

Arthur moves a little slower, not sure if he’s welcome (he’s not) but when he gets within five feet of the group huddled on the floor, Aithusa lifts her head and growls again.

Elyan and Percival are shocked at the sudden movement, but Gwaine smirks, and Leon nods his head approvingly (though he’s still understandably... nervous). Lancelot looks back at a shocked and still tear-stricken Arthur, and speaks. His voice is quiet, but his tone is vicious:

“They have a mental link; she sees what he sees. It might be best, Your Majesty, for you to stay away.”

He doesn’t bother to watch Arthur’s reaction; he turns back and begins carding a soft hand through Merlin’s hair. He flinches only slightly before relaxing under the soft ministrations, and Aithusa gives Lancelot an affectionate lick on the arm.

The other knights do see the way that Arthur flinches, before he gives a shaky nod and takes a few steps back. He goes to say something, but the tears in his eyes overflow, and he turns to walk away.

Gwaine’s smirk grows slightly before he drops it entirely and turns back to the others, no longer caring what Arthur got up to. He is the first of the knights, other than Lancelot, to be brave enough to reach a hand forward and stroke Aithusa gently.

Elyan and Percival hesitatingly follow his lead, and Aithusa chirps happily at the attention. Leon’s gaze follows Arthur as he walks towards the horses.

They were far away, well out of the way of Merlin’s blast, but even with the distance Leon could see they were shaken. Thankfully they had been tied to the trees, otherwise he’s certain they would have bolted.

Leon finds it only slightly surprising that he feels no sympathy for the King. There’s only so much you can forgive a man for. When Arthur finally reaches the horses and begins untacking them, he looks away, back to Aithusa and Merlin.

Everyone can tell that Camelot’s First Knight is still rather shaken at the presence of the Dragon, but when Merlin looks up slightly to see him still sat there, unwilling to leave him, his heart swells a little.

Leon meets his gaze and gulps, but returns Merlin’s shaky smile.

The other knights smile as well, glad that Merlin was feeling at least a little better, and Percival speaks quietly, not wanting to spook him (or the Dragon):

“Hey, there’s our lucky charm.��

The other knights give him questioning looks but Merlin just chuckles slightly, before sitting up properly, and focusing his attention on running his fingers over Aithusa’s scales, picking out grass and mud.

Percival looks indignant before replying, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world:

“What? You honestly thought that tree branches only fell if there was a fight happening, and then only fell on the enemies?? The rock-falls? The fires even when it was pouring with rain?? The miraculous solutions to end-of-the-world type problems?? Come on, guys.”

The others look taken aback at that, but Lancelot just smiles knowingly. They all look to Merlin, who has managed to wipe the blood from his face with his sleeve, and he just shrugs slightly.

The rest of them, bar Leon, let out small huffs of laughter, and continue to stroke Aithusa, knowing that Merlin almost certainly isn’t ready for an actual conversation yet.

Merlin looks at Leon’s pale form assessingly, before a look of realisation crosses his face. The knight is tense, and staring at Aithusa’s sharp teeth with worry, but his gaze is quickly drawn to Merlin when he reaches a shaky hand towards him.

Merlin gives him an understanding smile, and crooks his fingers, encouraging the curly-haired knight to take his hand. Leon does so, and his breath hitches as Merlin lowers their intertwined hand to rest on the top of Aithusa’s head.

Leon lets out a slow breath as he feels Elyan’s supportive hand on his back, but relaxes fully when he sees the sparkle in Merlin’s eyes. Anything to make their Warlock happy in this moment. And forever, probably.

Gwaine looks at Leon out of the corner of his eye, and says lowly:

“I’m fairly certain I’m going to try and kill him if I look at him again, so what’s the King up to?”

Merlin tenses slightly, but Leon squeezes his hand and he relaxes again. Lancelot raises and eyebrow and before Leon can reply, he says:

“What, no princess?”

Gwaine narrows his eyes before gruffly saying:

“Princess was an affectionate nickname, and I’m not feeling all that affectionate towards him right now.”

The others nod knowingly, turning their attention back to Merlin and Aithusa. Leon leaves his hand in Merlin’s, but looks at Gwaine before saying lowly:

“He went to deal with the horses. Now we know we no longer need a quick get-away, they need untacking and feeding and watering. They were pretty spooked by... they were pretty spooked.”

Leon looks back at Merlin when his hand gets squeezed, to see him frowning slightly. Leon catches his eye and gives him a small smile, but Merlin just gets teary-eyed again, before sniffing and muttering:

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to I just... I’m sorry.”

Only a single tear has time to fall before Lancelot has his hand on Merlin’s shoulder again (comfortingly), and Elyan has his hand on Gwaine’s shoulder (forcefully). Leon shakes his head softly, and responds in a gentle voice:

“You don’t have anything to apologise for Merlin, we are the ones who should be sorry, for not being able to protect you.”

Merlin’s frown deepens, and he goes to retort, but Gwaine beats him to it, obviously trying to keep the anger out of his voice:

“From the so-called Druid and from him. We should have done better.”

Leon can feel Merlin’s hand begin to shake, so he squeezes it once more as Merlin shakes his head and speaks, his voice sounding stronger already:

“It’s not his fault. He was just shaken and scared and I should have-”

Gwaine clenches his jaw, struggling to keep control of his rage, but Elyan grips his shoulder tighter in warning, and replies in his stead, interrupting Merlin:

“There’s no excuse Merlin. All of us have been attacked by magic, but equally, all of us have been attacked by swords. I mean look at Leon, giving Dragons a second chance after what happened. I would perhaps understand brief anger, but there is no way to justify laying his hands on you in such a way that leaves bruises, and certainly no justification for putting a blade to your throat.”

Merlin frowns, and looks like he wants to argue, but once again, a knight beats him to it, Lancelot this time:

“No, Merls. We know how much he means to you. But what he did was wrong, there’s no rationalisation. We all know that you’ve already forgiven him, and that’s why we can’t yet. Probably not for a while.”

Merlin sighs, looking pained, and Leon uses his other hand to tilt his chin up:

“Not to say that we won’t ever forgive him. But someone has to be angry at him for what he’s done, and Lord knows you aren’t gonna do it. Consider us your stand-ins.”

Merlin smiles slightly, and Leon considers that a win, returning the smile and nodding slightly to himself, before looking back down at the Dragon, now seemingly asleep, and purring, on Merlin’s lap.

Elyan releases the death grip on Gwaine’s shoulder, when the now much calmer knight, with a smile on his face, says:

“So... you have a Dragon??”

Merlin chuckles fondly, before looking to him and saying quietly:

“Yeah. Her name is Aithusa. I’m surprised she came alone, Kilgharrah usually doesn’t like it when she runs off.”

Lancelot winces slightly as the other knights look shocked, before Percival says:

“Kil-what-now? There’s another one??”

Merlin grimaces slightly, before looking to Leon worriedly and tightening the grip on his hand:

“Uhh... yeah. Kilgharrah is the name of the Dragon that... attacked Camelot a few years ago.-”

Leon straightens his back and gulps, but doesn’t remove his hand from Merlin’s, nodding at him to continue:

“-I didn’t have control over him until right at the end. I told him to leave and never come back, unless I called him-”

Lancelot makes a noise of realisation as he nods, and interrupts Merlin:

“That’s probably why Aithusa came alone. You didn’t call for her, and technically we’re still within Camelot’s borders. He couldn’t come even if he wanted to. Poor sod is probably clomping around at the edge of the border freaking out.”

Merlin looks to Lancelot and nods, satisfied to feel Leon relax a bit, before looking back to the First Knight apologetically:

“-He does feel really bad at that. He just wanted to get back at Uther for the whole... genocide thing I guess. But that’s no excuse. I just didn’t want to be the one to be responsible for killing the last Dragon, even if Kilgharrah personally might’ve deserved it at the time. That was all before Aithusa came along.”

Everyone nods in understanding, before focussing their attention back on Aithusa. She really was like a giant puppy, even if they had to be wary to avoid her claws as she twitched in her sleep.

Merlin sighs, looking forlorn once again as he realises how exhausted he is, knowing that they’re going to have to get up and make camp at some point.

He can cope with an awkward, tense silence between him and Arthur easily enough, that’s what the last few weeks had consisted of. But an awkward and tense silence between everyone? Elyan and Percival inwardly fuming? Gwaine outwardly fuming? Leon and Lancelot being all protective? He’s not sure he can deal with that.

At Merlin’s sigh, Lancelot tilts his head to catch his eye. His brow creases as he says softly:

“What is it, Merls?”

Merlin looks up, still squeezing Leon’s hand, before quietly replying:

“Nothing, I’m just tired. We have to re-make camp at some point and I’m not sure if I can deal with everyone being so...”

He waves his free hand around loosely, and Lancelot huffs out a laugh, before kicking Gwaine, getting everyone’s attention:

“We have to go make camp. But Merlin is exhausted, and doesn’t want to deal with any of this shit tonight, so we’re all going to have to play nice for the time being.”

Gwaine growls, and quickly retorts:

“Like hell am I gonna treat him with-”

Lancelot kicks him again, harder this time, and Elyan replaces the harsh hand on his shoulder before forcefully saying:

“Right now, it doesn’t matter what Arthur deserves. Merlin needs peace and quiet, and that’s what we’re going to give him.”

Gwaine grumbles, but begrudgingly nods, and Merlin gives him a grateful smile.

The knights all stand up, and Merlin shakes Aithusa awake, giving a small chuckle when she stretches like a cat.

Once she takes her weight off of his lap, Merlin follows the knights to stand, almost falling over at the weakness in his legs. Leon and Lancelot catch an arm each, steadying him as he shuts his eyes tightly, willing the dizziness away.

He feels a hand wipe the hair from his forehead, and opens his eyes slowly to see Percival checking him over with an assessing gaze:

“I’m fine, just tired, a little dizzy.”

Lancelot nods in understanding, humming slightly:

“Hmm. I’m not surprised, you haven’t done anything this big in a while, and I doubt you’ve slept well in the last few weeks.”

Merlin gives him a sheepish look as he shakes his head, but it’s Elyan’s questioning gaze that Lancelot responds to:

“I found out by accident when I first met him. Our Warlock isn’t very good at keeping secrets.”

He says it with a small smirk as he looks back down to Merlin, who’s looking indignant:

“Hey! I managed to keep everyone else from finding out.”

Gwaine looks guilty as he raises his arm quietly:

“Actually uh... I knew. I mean not about the whole Emrys, prophecy thing. But the magic stuff, yeah.”

Merlin looks at him, shocked. The other knights share his expression for just a moment before they laugh at the look on Merlin’s face:

“How?!”

Gwaine puts his arm down and laughs again:

“Mate... we met in the middle of a tavern fight, in which shit started literally flying about the moment you joined in.-”

He shrugged, before casually continuing:

“-I figured you would tell me when you wanted to. Until then, it wasn’t my secret to know. You also have me to thank for backing you up every time The Prick asked if I saw you at the tavern.”

Merlin laughed and nodded his thanks, before looking over to where said Prick was setting up camp, a few metres beyond the edge of the crater.

His face fell slightly and the others follow his gaze, tensing slightly in anger when they saw what he was looking at. Merlin takes his arms from Leon and Lancelot, finally feeling steady on his feet, before quietly saying:

“Come on, we might as well get this over with. I’m starving, and tired, and Aithusa will get bored if we don’t start entertaining her.”

Everyone turns around to see Aithusa (now she was sure that her Lord was ok), prancing about in the crater; chasing birds and digging holes.

Merlin raises an eyebrow and everyone else chuckles slightly. Gwaine pushes Lancelot out of the way and takes Merlin’s hand, beginning to walk determinedly towards camp. Everyone catches up quickly, Leon taking Merlin’s other hand when the man had reached out to grab his cape.

Gwaine looks down at Merlin, seeing how nervous he is, and says:

“So. How long until she’s big enough to be ridden? I want you to take me flying, Merlin.”

Merlin chuckles, and looks back to see Aithusa happily trailing them:

“Not for a while. Dragons grow slow, so it’ll be another few years at least. Plus she’s got some issues with bone growth that we’re still trying to fix. She’ll be fine in the long run, but her development is taking a lot longer than normal. She still can’t speak.”

Everyone stops at that, and Merlin’s arms get yanked back when he continued walking. He turns to see Leon giving him an incredulous look:

“Dragons can speak?!”

Merlin tilts his head in confusion, before laughing and tugging them forwards again:

“Yeah. I forget that Uther basically erased all knowledge on Dragons, but they’re just as intelligent as we are. Kilgharrah would like to think that they’re more intelligent, but he’s always been a cryptic, egotistical bastard.-”

The others follow his pace and nod, but the mood darkens as they almost reach the camp. Merlin continues faintly, but quickly:

“I’ll tell you everything I know when... when we get back.”

Leon squeezes his hand, knowing that he was about to say “if”, assuring him that “when” is the right word.

Arthur looks up at the group and gulps from his place next to the fire. He straightens up, the anxiety showing clearly on his face, but before anyone can say anything, Aithusa jumps in between him.

He falls back at the sudden movement and she begins to growl; he widens his eyes as she stalks slowly towards him.

Gwaine smirks again, the others managing to keep their faces blank, but Merlin looks shocked, before he jumps forward and puts a hand on the Dragon’s back:

“Aithusa no. He’s a... friend. It’s ok, he’s-”

Arthur jumps to his feet and interrupts him:

“No, no it’s fine. I’ll... go... sit over there.”

He gestures behind him, and walks quickly away from the fire, sitting just within the fire’s light, the evening dimming around them.

Aithusa tilts her head, snaps her jaws at him once more before completely changing disposition. She begins bouncing around the fire, chirping happily and playfully trying to catch floating embers in her claws.

Merlin smiles slightly and the other knights (bar Gwaine, who is glaring very pointedly at Arthur) chuckle at her antics, before they all sit in a semi circle on the opposite side of the fire to Arthur, Merlin in the middle.

The Warlock is once again wedged protectively between Leon and Gwaine, and he fiddles softly with Leon’s cape in his lap as he stares fondly at Aithusa.

Elyan moves to the packs, unloading food and water and cooking pots. Merlin gets up to help, but Gwaine pulls him back down by the hand and holds on firmly as he says:

“You’ve been through enough. We can put up with Elyan’s shitty cooking for a couple nights.”

Merlin tries to pull away with a “But I can-” but Leon grabs his other hand, holding him down and interrupting:

“Absolutely not. You said yourself that you’re tired. If Elyan needs help, he can ask one of us.”

Merlin huffs sulkily and Leon laughs, stroking the back of his hand protectively.

Leon had known Merlin just as long as Arthur had, and whilst they had virtually nothing to do with each other the first few years, they were still friendly acquaintances, even then. Leon knew full well that it was Merlin who would have a hot meal left in his room after a late patrol, and Merlin always appreciated how Leon kept as many weapons in the armoury in as good nick as possible, so Merlin didn’t have to deal with it.

Besides, even before they knew each other’s names, Leon always found Merlin’s reactions to Arthur’s stupidity funny. He could hardly say it out loud, being the Perfect Knight and all, but he always thought it was a good thing that Arthur had someone at his side keeping him humble, and calling him out in ways no one else would.

Of course they had gotten much closer over the years, as did all of the knights, thanks to Merlin. Currently, Leon was feeling just a tinge of regret at being so grateful for Merlin’s presence at Arthur’s side; he had never really thought about how difficult being that man’s babysitter would be, especially now he knew Merlin had magic. And some sort of destiny.

Time passes fairly quickly whilst Elyan cooks, the others taking to heart what Lancelot had said and trying to keep a quiet, but easy conversation going.

They ask Merlin various questions about Aithusa, Kilgharrah, the Druids, the weird name that he had been called. He answered them all easily enough, but they notice the way he hesitates when they ask about his magic specifically or the prophecies, so they steer clear of those topics.

They’ll definitely want to know the whole story eventually, and they’re practically buzzing with desperation to ask Merlin to show them something magical, but they know that now is not the time.

Dinner is finally served, and despite Gwaine’s statement, it wasn’t actually that bad. Mainly because every time Elyan went to add something to the pot, he would look back desperately at Merlin, and took into account the shakes and nods of his head with a grateful smile.

He did struggle to cover the scowl on his face when he delivered Arthur’s bowl to him, replying to The King’s quiet “thank you, Elyan” with an even quieter “don’t mention it” .

Dinner was eaten quickly and in silence. They hadn’t been unconscious for long, and hour or two at most, but they had all worked up an understandable appetite, Merlin especially. He would never ask for seconds, but knowing that, Elyan gave him an extra big serving without a word.

They entertained themselves after dinner by throwing the last scraps of meat to Aithusa, watching her jump and flip and fly about the camp. Merlin had objected at first, but gave in when he saw the small grin on Leon’s face, and heard the way the others were laughing. The City was only a few days ride away, they could always hunt on the way back.

It didn’t take long for her to tire out and curl up at Merlin’s feet to sleep. Like Merlin had mentioned, Aithusa was developing slowly, and she normally couldn’t fly very far; it must’ve taken a huge amount of energy and effort for her to get all the way here. But like the Knights, she was very protective, and there was no way she could not check on her Lord, after she and Kilgharrah had felt the anguish he was in.

As Kilgharrah once again crosses Merlin’s mind, he sighs, and makes mental note to call him in the morning, when he had more energy.

Merlin is distracted from his thoughts when the camp goes silent all of a sudden, and Gwaine reaches over to squeeze his hand. He looks up in worry, to see that Arthur had stood, and walked a little closer, though he made sure to stay the other side of the fire.

Merlin tenses slightly. He tries not to let it show, but he can knows that he failed when he feels Leon’s hand firmly in the middle of his back. Hidden from the others, but a silent reassurance.

Arthur gulps, obviously nervous, but he meets Merlin’s gaze, flinching at the slight fear in his eyes:

“Merlin, I know nothing I say will-”

He’s interrupted by Gwaine growling and standing suddenly, stepping in front of Merlin protectively, but it’s Lancelot’s harsh words that cut him off fully:

“Not tonight, Arthur. We’re all tired and angry so just... not tonight.”

Arthur clenches his jaw, and blinks away tears before nodding:

“Yes, I... I understand.”

With that, he sniffles slightly before taking a step back. He looks to the floor as he mumbles something about checking the perimeter, before slowly walking away from the camp, into the night.

Merlin lets out a breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding, and relaxes slightly as Leon runs his hand over his back. Gwaine stares after Arthur for a few moments, deliberating on whether or not to follow him (and presumably, kick his ass). Merlin reaching up to take his hand and pull him back down makes his mind up, and he settles back into his seat, Merlin’s small hand clasped between his two larger ones.

Percival speaking up breaks the tense silence:

“It’s late and Lance is right, we’re all tired. If we want to make quick work of the journey home, and have time to hunt, then we should get some sleep.”

Murmurs of agreement float up around the group, and Gwaine, voice still tense and angry, says:

“I’ll take first-”

But he’s quickly interrupted by Elyan, softly laughing:

“Absolutely not, Gwaine. If you’re left alone we’ll all wake to find the King dead in the morning.”

Gwaine raises a challenging eyebrow, not denying anything, and Elyan huffs, Percival muttering:

“Fine. But I’m taking it with you so you don’t get a chance to smother him.”

Gwaine gives a sarcastic looking smile, before ruffling Merlin’s hair fondly and walking towards the fire. He adds another log, grabs his bedroll, and settles down against a tree, Percival sitting at his side.

Everyone else gathers their rolls, and whilst normally they spread out, they all seem rather desperate to stay as close to Merlin as possible.

Normally he would complain, they all snore, and Merlin is definitely expecting nightmares tonight, but he can’t find it in himself to send them away, and to be perfectly honest, he's certain that they would just move back the moment he closed his eyes anyway.

The Warlock finds himself tucked under Lancelot’s arm, with Leon a respectful distance away on his other side, though still within arm’s reach. Elyan settles somewhere below his feet, and for the first time in weeks, Merlin finds himself fully relaxed.

Aithusa sleepily moves from her spot by Merlin’s feet, to curl up with Gwaine and Percival, and Merlin smiles at the thought that she not only trusts his friends in general, but trusts them enough to leave Merlin in their care. Dragons are protective and possessive creatures, and that trust speaks volumes.

Merlin is still a little miserable, and he almost resents himself for still being scared of Arthur despite his obvious regret, but... with all that happened... well. You can’t really blame him.

He’s got a gaggle of very protective knights around him, one of which he can vaguely hear trying to persuade another to commit regicide when no one was looking.

He has time to huff out a small laugh as Lancelot pulls him closer, before he drifts off; much quicker than he thought he would. He was comforted by the warmth behind him, the presence at his feet, the guardians watching over him, and the hand reaching towards him in the dark, just about close enough to lay fingers over Merlin’s heartbeat.

No nightmares plague him that night, and he doesn’t even wake to the warning growls sent Arthur’s way when he eventually returned to camp.

The next few days, hell, the next few months would probably be difficult, but he finds himself not as anxious now he knows he won’t have to face it alone.

THE END

I don’t think I’ll write a part two to this, but if someone wants to extend it, feel free, same as normal: credit and tag me :)

I’ve had the whole speech written out in full in my phone notes for like two months, but only recently got round to actually turning it into anything. I hope ya’ll enjoyed it!! I wanted to write something hella angsty so....

I’m fairly certain whatever I write next will be the dead opposite of this (FLUFF fluff) but honestly who knows.

Let me know if there’s anything specific you want my thoughts on :)

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frostops · 3 years

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I have some thoughts about how FGO has handled trans and trans-adjacent characters, and I’m frustrated how many people talk about the mishandlings without discussing the transmisogyny in it, but this is long as fuck, so its under the cut.

Its a good thing that FGO is having more characters with the genderless trait who aren’t given that trait for shitty reasons, but framing this as FGO being better at handling nonbinary characters, while technically true, ignores what caused many of the early issues. That cause is often transmisogyny.

Transmisogyny has been an issue in the game since Da Vinci’s introduction. Da Vinci doesn’t have the genderless trait, but she’s still important to discuss to understand FGO’s mishandling of trans characters. Mash and Romani are both angry at the idea of Leonardo Da Vinci not being a man, and call her a pervert, among other things. This is immediately after both find out King Arthur was actually a woman, but neither seemed to care then. Its understood by the writing that some believed to be a man turning out to actually be a cis woman isn’t deserving of malice, but that person turning out to be a trans woman is. The writing surrounding Da Vinci slowly got better, with characters being less shitty about and eventually respecting her gender. While Da Vinci initially describes herself as beyond gender, she says so in response to Roman and Mash’s reaction to her gender, where as whenever she is referred to as a woman (Lancelot saying he couldn’t hurt a beautiful women in Camelot, Napoleon calling her mademoiselle in LB2), she eats it up. Her early description of being beyond gender feels more like a tongue-in-cheek way of degendering a trans woman. While overall the writing treats Da Vinci better now, there are still times where it gets shitty, even as recent as the event where Van Gogh was introduced, where Hokusai talks about both Da Vinci and Van Gogh having an inherent maleness that bleeds into their art. This event did have a guest writer, but it was still allowed into the game.

The first character to have the genderless trait is D’Eon. Historically, D’Eon was intersex and trans feminine, and very likely a trans woman, but the fate version is introduced saying they were crazy in life, intended to be in reference to how they presented their gender. They are also presented as caring more about loyalty to France than what gender they are seen as, when the real D’Eon blackmailed the king into legally recognizing them as a woman. Transmisogyny, as well as intersexism, is pretty obviously what made Type-Moon take reduce D’Eon to just jokes about gender. D’Eon feels degendered in way similar to how Da Vinci is at time, though D’Eon gets it worse

Astolfo debuted in Apocrypha, where their presentation is used for a joke where Jeanne, believing Astolfo to be a girl, freaks out when she sees that Astolfo has a penis. The joke is that it is such a horrible thing to find a penis on some you think is a girl. I shouldn’t need to explain the transmisogyny behind that, or that Astolfo ostensibly not being a trans woman doesn’t make the joke less transmisogynistic. There are other, better things about Astolfo in Apocrypha, but most of their writing in FGO is in the same vein as the joke with Jeanne. This is crystalized in Agartha, where both Astolfo and D’Eon were used for many transmisogynistic, intersexist, and homophobic jokes.

The third, and for a long time last, character to have the genderless trait was Enkidu. They are given this trait due to changes to their myth. In Fate, Enkidu is made of clay, and had a nonhuman appearance until meeting Shamhat, and modeling their appearance after her. They don’t have a physical sex, but, due to originally being a male character and appearing feminine in fate, the writers and fans alike treat them similarly to how they treat Astolfo and D’Eon, though less aggressively. Usually when Enkidu appears in a fate work, one character has to talk about how they can’t tell whether Enkidu is a man or a woman, before settling on neither, but only reach that conclusion because they don’t have a physical sex. The transmisogyny isn’t as strong in Enkidu’s writing, but its still there.

Until LB3, no other character would be given the genderless trait, and what all 3 of them have in common is being AMAB or originally male characters who present femininely. Technically Da Vinci fits this description as well, but her body is considered female by Type-Moon’s standards, so she gets the female trait. Also, with the exception of Astolfo, have bodies that wouldn’t considered male of female by most people. In Deon’s case, this is the result of intersexism, and even more frustrating when you remember that D’Eon blackmailed the king to be seen as a woman. I’d wager the reason Astolfo is grouped with the other two is itself a continuation of the joke from Apocrypha. It’s a coy “We all know what Astolfo’s ‘real’ gender is, but we’ll play along with the joke.”

I think this also explains other characters who, arguably, could be included in the genderless trait, but were not. Nezha, like Da Vinci, only got a “female” body after dying, so they get the female trait too, despite not really being comfortable with any gender labels. Mordred, who consistently gets violently angry at being called a woman, and whose bio states that they don’t like being referred to as a man either (though this wouldn’t be implemented into writing until LB3, where they are clearly far less bothered by being referred to as man) also has the female trait. King Hassan’s bio has his gender listed as “?????” but he is treated as male by the game and has the male trait.

None of the newer genderless servants fit the same description of amab/originally male and presenting femininely, which does show a more nuanced understanding of gender identity and expression, but it doesn’t show anymore respect towards trans women and transfems. Both Shi Huang Di and Douman have somewhat androgynous presentations, but we still don’t really have trans fem character whose gender and presentation is treated respectfully other than Da Vinci, and that’s frustrating. For the most part, though, these characters are all pretty well handled.

Two of them, Mao Nobu and Romulus-Quirinus, are new versions of characters who already had the female and male trait respectively, meaning the game has at least someone moved away from equating the genderless trait to a character’s physical sex, but not entirely since part of the reason Shi Huang Di has the trait is their inability to reproduce.

There is some disagreement about how Caenis is handled, and I do have thoughts on that topic, but if I talked about that this would be twice as long. The short version is that the necessity to make characters fit into fanservice, something which negatively affects all of the characters I mention here, limits the ways in which Caenis’s relationship to their gender can be explored. Its also why we have Caenis and not Caenus, and why Caenis is rarely allowed to where a shirt.

There is also Dioscuri, who is two characters, one man and one woman, who are collectively on servant, so even though they have the genderless trait, they're not really relevant.

We do have more originally male characters now in female bodies. Vritra and Van Gogh, who were added recently (Vritra’s bio says she was originally male and now has a female vessel and Van Gogh is Vincent Van Gogh in Clytie’s body), Kama, an originally male deity possessing Sakura’s body, is being added to NA this year, and even back in part 1 we had Quetzalcoatl, another male god in a female vessel. All of them are given the female trait, and Quetz in particular seems to be very comfortable being a woman, but this still feels like what happened with Nezha, where the “physically female” body matters more than the identity of the character, especially with Van Gogh, who had no choice in being put in Clytie’s body.

Mechanically, the gender traits only affect certain skills and nps, having extra or stronger effects. The genderless servants are exempt from the extra effects, with one exception. Once of Blackbeard’s skills has an effect for female servants, but D’Eon and Astolfo (And maybe also Enkidu, but I don’t remember) were included in this effect as well. The joke here was that Blackbeard is written to be reflective of the worst qualities of weebs and otakus. many of whom would refer to those two as traps, a transmisogynistic slur, so Blackbeard is into them in the same way. Servants with the genderless trait added afterwards weren’t included in this effect, even though some of them (the ones who transphobic fate fans consider to be women) would still be seen as attractive by Blackbeard. So rather than coding each one individually to be included, they added a new trait, the female looking trait, for Blackbeard’s skill. The genderless servants included in this one all present feminine, but the inclusion of this trait is to make continuing a transphobic joke easier, which almost feels like a step back from some of the previous progress in handling trans characters.

I also think some people are a little too eager to give FGO credit when it may not deserve. For instance, a lot of people liked Douman being included in the genderless trait, and on its own it fine, but the my room line where Sei talks about trying to check under Douman’s robes concerns me. Many people took it as Sei just being horny for Douman, but it could easily be intended as Sei trying to check what’s really in his pants, especially since the canon reason Douman has the genderless trait is that he combined himself with some spirits and deities, one of which is female.

None of this is to say its wrong to view any of these characters as nonbinary (I do view most of them as nonbinary), but I don’t think we should view the genderless trait as equivalent to nonbinary. Not only are there characters included in it who probably shouldn’t be (like D’Eon) and characters who don’t have it who probably should (like Nezha), doing so treat nonbinary as a third and wholly separate gender. And if you’re going to talk about the transphobia of FGO, please be willing to use the word transmisogyny.

#transmisogyny #transphobia #fate grand order #fate/go

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365days365movies · 3 years

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January 16, 2021: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2014)

I am a massive comic book nerd. Not unusual these days, to be fair. But I’m definitely up there, as far as my obsession with Marvel and DC go. And, yeah, I stick mostly to those two houses, and their various imprints.

Why do I bring this up? Well...remember this movie?

Kick-Ass was a pretty big deal when it came out in 2010, as it was a Marvel Comics movie that was completely unrelated to the relatively new Marvel Cinematic Universe. Based of a 2008 comic book written by Mark Millar and drawn by John Romita Jr., the film was directed by Matthew Vaughn, and featured a more realistic take on how real-world superheroes would actually work.

Vaughn and Millar by this point at least, were friends. Around 2012, they’re getting drunk at a pub together, and talking movies. The topic of spy movies come up, and how there hasn’t really been a good, non-parody, fun spy movie, and that there should be. And that was the bulk of their conversation.

Enter Dave Gibbons, a legendary comic book artist, whom you may know from drawing the comic book that was turned into this:

Oh yeah, he’s a big deal. Gibbons and Millar end up getting together to write a fun spy comic book based on this idea. Vaughn, meanwhile, is getting ready to direct X-Men: Days of Future Past, the sequel to X-Men: First Class, which Vaughn directed. That’s a good movie, by the way, even if I have...issues...with the treatment of the X-Men in film. Maybe one day I’ll get into that, we’ll see what happens. Ask me about it if you’re curious.

Anyway, Millar goes to Vaughn with this script, and Vaughan looks at it and realizes that he needs to direct this movie before somebody else makes it. So he leaves Days of Future Past, and he signs on to...

I feel like it’s an obligation, as a comic book dude, to watch this film. I should also read the book, but I didn’t do that with Kick-Ass, so to hell with it! Let’s get this recap started! SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap

Starting off with some Money for Nothing, and somewhere in the Middle East, 1997! We go into a stone temple, where some kind of mission is taking place. A surprise grenade causes the loss of one of the agents. The surviving agents are Merlin (Mark Strong), Lancelot AKA James Spencer (Jack Davenport), and Galahad, AKA Harry Hart (Colin Firth).

Hart, feeling guilty over the death of this agent, tells his wife, Michelle (Samantha Womack) and child Eggsy (yes, Eggsy) of his sacrifice, and gives Eggsy a medal.

From there, we jump forward 17 years, to Argentina where...Mark Hamill?

Holy shit, it’s Mark Hamill! Apparently, he’s playing Professor James Arnold, and being held hostage by a group of mysterious men. Just then, he’s rescued by Lancelot, showing up with some classic James Bond-style swagger and asking for a cup of sugar, sardonically.

He kicks the asses of these guys, but is SLICED IN HALF BY A MAN WITH SWORD LEGS WHAT THE FUCK????

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was watching the best thing I’ve ever goddamn seen. And as if that weren’t enough, she’s working for Samuel L. “Motherfucker” Jackson, playing Richmond Valentine. I am...I am so pleased.

We go to the Kingsmen headquarters, where Lancelot is being mourned by the Kingmen and their leader MICHAEL CAINE, REALLY, HOLY SHIT

Ahem. Sorry, uh...the star-studded cast has basically caused me to have a minor aneurysm. Caine plays Arthur, the leader of the Kingsmen. Get it? I can dig it, I’m a sucker for a good Arthurian reference. Anyway, now that Lancelot’s dead, it’s time to find a new candidate. Apparently, the man that died 17 years ago was part of an “experiment” by Hart, which Arthur says has failed. Galahad calls Arthur a snob, and says that they need to evolve with the times. \

Speaking of that former candidate, how’s his son doing?

Not stellar, it seems. His mom is dating a very unsavory gentleman, and not really taking good care of her youngest daughter. Eggsy (Taron Egerton), on the other hand, is a carefree delinquent. After engaging in an entertaining backwards car chase with the police (it’s cool), he gets arrested. He refuses to give up his friends, and he instead asks for a phone call.He looks at the medallion around his neck, and remembers that he can use the number of the back to contact someone for help. He uses a specific code phrase, but it appears not to have worked. But then, Eggsy is turned loose with little more than a phone call. That’s when Eggsy meets Hart.

We find out that Eggsy has a high IQ and Olympic-level athletics, but has dropped out of the Marines, and has been arrested for drugs and other illegal activities. After being read out by Hart, Eggsy goes on an anger-filled diatribe about the differences in privilege between the two of them. Although it’s short, it’s a powerful speech.

But that speech is interrupted by the owner of the car that Eggsy stole the previous night, as well as his gang. They’re yearning for a fight with Eggsy, and they threaten Hart. He doesn’t take that well, as he shuts the doors and windoes to the pub. Time to teach a lesson.

youtube

Yup, I’m giving this fight the posted video award. It might be short, but it’s also one of the best and coolest sequences I’ve ever seen in a spy movie. And OH, it’s giving me that gadget shit I was missing from the Bond movies.

After one of the most enjoyable fight sequences I’ve seen in a while, Eggsy’s understandably stunned. So is his stepfather Dean (Geoff Bell), the leader of the gang that Hart beat up in the pub. He’s not happy, and he beats Eggsy in their apartment, and that scene is...WHOOF. Much to their surprise, however, Hart’s left a device on Eggsy’s back. He threatens Dean through the device, and tells Eggsy to meet him at a tailor that he’d mentioned.

Once Eggsy escapes from Dean and the gang via nest parkour tricks, he makes his way to the tailor, where Hart officially brings him into the fold, giving him the opportunity to become a Kingsman. He exposits the history of the agency as a private group of spies, meant to protect the world while not bowing to the bureaucracy that plagues government-affiliated spy institutions.

We get to go to Kingsman Headquarters proper, and yeah...yeah, it’s cool. As compared to the other recruits, Eggsy’s pretty obviously out of place. This, of course, is part of the point, as Hart believes the Kingsmen could use someone with different life experiences and background. That would be the experiment mentioned earlier.

Eggsy’s competitors include Roxy (Sophie Cookson), who appears to actually be polite to him, unlike most of the potentials. They settle in for the night...but not for long. Their quarters fills with water, as the entirety of the Kingsmen head towards the showerheads and toilets for air. While they all succeed, Eggsy is the one who actually gets everyone out, by literally punching the window.

Unfortunately, for one of the candidates...it’s too late. These candidates could die in the hiring process. Rough.

Sadly, Mark Hamill also doesn’t quite make it, as Hart finds him, surprisingly freed from Valentine’s capture. As he’s questioned, Valentine is forced to kill him via Suicide Squad implant, and barely escaped from his men. Valentine and his henchwoman, Gazelle (Sofia Boutella) are trying to figure out who the Kingsmen are, to no avail at the moment.

Back with Merlin, who’s training the Kingsman candidates! They’re all told to get a puppy! Aw. Eggsy chooses J.B. a pug, under the mistaken impression that it’s a bulldog. And I’m not a pug person...but that puppy is cute as shit.

Time marches on, and the Kingsmen continue their training. Eggsy’s colleagues continue to discriminate against him, especially Charlie (Edward Holcroft). Hart, who was knocked out by the explosion, eventually wakes up. Valentine goes around to political leaders and proposes his plan to “save the world,” whatever that’s about to mean. Apparently, that includes giving the King of Sweden a surgical implant of some kind. Huh.

This, of course includes some, uh...conflict with Gazelle.

Awesome.

Eggsy’s in the final 6! As Hart congratulates him over this, we finally get some exposition on Richmond Valentine’s plan. See, that implant is the Suicide Squad bomb that killed Hamill, and Gazelle also has one. Additionally, he’s released a plan to the world that will provide free internet and phone data...forever. Not ominous at all, that.

After a cool skydiving training sequence, only three candidates are left. Hart, meanwhile, poses as a wealthy philanthropist, donating to Valentine’s cause. As a result, he’s treated to an extravagant dinner...of McDonald’s. Yes, it is the best product placement I’ve seen in a while, in case you were wondering. That reveal was hilarious.

Anyway, their conversation turns from talking about climate change studies and concerns, to their opinion of James Bond movies, in a lovely little piece of meta flavor. At this point, they would appear to understand each other’s role in the play, as it were. Forgot to mention, Valentine’s been kidnapping anyone who disagrees with his goals, while also distributing his free internet cards. So, there’s that. But he’s also trying to figure out what exactly the “Kingsmen” are. Speaking of...

Our three remaining Kingsman candidates are assigned a mission to seduce a young dignitary. However, all three of them make a mistake, and allow themselves to get drugged at a party, by someone wanting to know who Hart and Kingsmen are. When Eggsy wakes up, he’s been strapped to train tracks. Uh oh.

Despite an oncoming train, Eggsy doesn’t give the man any formation. Which, of course, was the point. It’s Hart, helping to give the Kingsman candidates a little loyalty test, which both Eggsy and Roxy pass with flying colors. But Charlie...Charlie’s a coward who immediately gives everything up, including Arthur himself.

Eggsy gets to spend 24 hours with Hart, before being thrown headfirst into a mission. Hart explains that being a Kingsman means being a gentleman, which Eggsy isn’t. Hart, of course, plans to fix that.

They head to the tailor, and check out some spy gadgets. And much to their surprise, Valentine is also there, under the guise of getting a suit. Hart takes the opportunity to recommend a hatter, who gives him a top hat with built in listening devices. I love it.

Eggsy, meanwhile, speaks with Arthur at Kingsman HQ. He’s commanded to perform one final test: kill his pug, J.B. Which...yeah, damn, that sucks. He doesn’t do it, understandably. Unfortunately...Roxy does kill her dog. She succeeds...and Eggsy’s kicked out of the Kingsman candidacy. Which feels like a bullshit play, if I’m honest.

Eggsy steals Arthur’s car, then goes back home. As he’s about to confront his stepfather, Hart brings back the car via remote access, then explains to Eggsy that the gun was filled with blanks, and that Eggsy ended up giving up his shot. He also reveals that the first candidate to die...didn’t actually die! It’s been a ruse all along, meant to test the candidates under the strictest of conditions. Which sucks, obviously, because Eggsy’s out of the program.

And at that point, Valentine says something of note, revealing that he plans to go to a hate church in Kentucky to begin his master plan. Hart heads there, and tells Eggsy to stay put.

We get treated to just...just the loveliest of sermons. Disgusting. But then...

...that’s the point, isn’t it?

Because Valentine uses the SIM cards to create a signal that drives the parishioners crazy. Hart’s also in the church, however, and he also starts going crazy. Which leaves the question: what happens when a highly trained spy goes up against untrained civilians, has a bunch of gadgets...and has absolutely no restraint whatsoever?

A MASSACRE, THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS. And most surprisingly, it’s a massacre that we actually SEE. Hart basically kills almost EVERYBODY in the church. I’ll put the video up, but...y’know, be warned here. It ain’t pretty.

youtube

Hart comes to, and realizes exactly what he’s done. He leaves, only to be confronted by Valentine and his men. The Bond metaphor finally comes full-circle, explained directly by Valentine. But instead of explaining his whole plan and devising some complicated way to kill Hart that he’ll inevitably escape from...

He just shoots Hart in the head. Holy shit. And this is while Merlin, Arthur, and yes, Eggsy watch on through Hart’s home feed. Looks like a new Kingsman is needed.

Arthur tells Merlin to assemble the Kingsmen. But Eggsy...Eggsy has other plans. Thinking on Hart’s words about wanting to do something good with his life. He goes to Arthur to talk to him about Hart’s death. Arthur invites him in for brandy. And that’s...when my mind exploded.

HE’S FUCKING IN ON IT?!? Michael Caine, NOOOO! Turns out that Valentine’s convinced Arthur of his true plan: a culling. He believes that the Earth’s temperature because there’s simply too much humanity, like a body trying to kill a virus. And so...he’s going to make the virus exterminate itself. And that argument’s enough to win Caine over.

Turns out that the implant is meant to protect those individuals against a neurological signal emitted by the SIM cards, the same one that went off in the church. Arthur, realizing that Eggsy understands exactly what’s going on, poisons him, then asks if he would like to join them. Eggsy refuses...and Arthur sets off the remote poison to kill him.

But NOPE! EGGSY SWITCHED THE FUCKIN’ GLASSES! I love this movie. Arthur dies, and Eggsy uses the opportunity to dig the implant from his neck. He takes that and Arthur’s phone to Merlin and Lancelot, who realize that they can’t trust anyone at this point. And so, the three of them - yes, the three of them - go to stop Valentine.

And, yeah...I can dig it. OH HOW I CAN DIG it.

Roxy goes up in an experimental vehicle to bring down the satellite, Merlin is flying the plane, and Eggsy...Eggsy’s the one going in disguised as Arthur, in order to infiltrate the mountain lair of Valentine. Here, he and the other beneficiaries wait it out, while the world literally tears itself apart. Now wearing a bespoke suit and playing the role of a gentleman, Eggsy enters the lion’s den.

But as expected, it’s time to hit some snags. Roxy waits juuuuuust a little too long, and one of the balloons in her craft pops. As for Eggsy, he meets an old “friend” of his in the form of Charlie, who’s now working for Valentine.

The missile’s fired just in time, as Charlie’s taken out and Eggsy runs for the plane. AWESOME climax here as Eggsy escapes. I mean it; it is VERY cool. They succeed JUST in time, and the satellite is destroyed. However, Valentine’s still managed to partially start the process, and they can’t do anything about that.

Eggsy’s gotta go BACK in, before Valentine gets another satellite to trigger the signal worldwide. Now armed with Hart’s AWESOME umbrella, he makes his way there under heavy gunshot. They’re also teaming up against Merlin in the plane, so he’s not doing great. And that when Eggsy has the idea...to turn the implants on. ALL of them.

youtube

It’s amazing. Violence in fireworks. So, it’s too bad that it doesn’t stop the signal. It works, and people start to tear each other apart all across the world. But only for was long as Valentine has his hands on the desk. Eggsy manages to stop that by laying down some suppressive fire.

That provokes a response.

..This movie is, for lack of a better term, fucking rad.

Gazelle and Eggsy have an awesome fight, worthy of any James Bond movie, seriously. I really want to give it the video post honor, but I’ve done that too much already. For god’s sake, I literally JUST did that.

Gazelle dies (it’s kinda goofy how she dies, if I’m honest), and Eggsy kills Valentine with her prosthetic leg. It’s over, as the signal ends, and Eggsy even gets the girl. Not Roxy, the Princess of Sweden. Not going into it, but it’s funny.

And that’s Kingsman: The Secret Service! Honestly, I gotta say, that was a rad-as-shit movie, and...

Ooh, a mid-credits scene! Eggsy goes back home, to the pub, where his stepfather and mom are hanging out with the gang. And let’s just say...Dean’s gonna get a little comeuppance. Manners, after all, maketh man.

OK, THAT’S Kingsman: The Secret Service! And that, again, was pretty rad. See you in the Epilogue in a few!

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panharmonium · 4 years

Note

I would like to add Gwaine to the list of friends Merlin had. Especially in the 3/4 seasons he really was ride or die for Merlin, they shared intimate details with each other, they truly trusted each other. There were instances where the show alluded that Gwaine knows about Merlin's magic and is fine with it.

hi there! i’m assuming this is in response to the post i reblogged about will and lancelot being merlin’s only “real” friends?

i’m actually happy to write about this, now that the question has been posed - it’s been a while since i wrote anything long about gwaine!

fair warning in advance: i don’t personally classify gwaine the same way i do will and lancelot, and that’s what this piece will cover in more detail, but these are just my own thoughts, and it is totally cool for everybody else to have different opinions. my take is my take, but it does not have to be everyone’s take - if people wanna scroll past because this isn’t their vibe, i don’t mind in the slightest. :)

so, without further ado - i LOVE gwaine, and i have written extensively about how amazing his relationship with merlin is (some examples here, here, here, and here, if anybody’s looking). he is the most likely of all merlin’s living friends to ditch arthur in the name of addressing merlin’s needs, which is super important, and he also has a much healthier friendship with merlin than arthur does (in my own personal opinion, of course, which nobody is obligated to share). he definitely does go ride or die for merlin in S3/S4, i agree.

but my own thoughts on this particular point are still the same as they were in that original post. i tend to hide my clarifications/explanations in the tags, so they might have flown by, but i’ll just copy/paste the relevant bit here for ease of access, as some background for the rest of this post.

re: will and lancelot were merlin’s only ‘real’ friends:

#what this does not mean: merlin has no other friends! merlin doesn't have meaningful and important relationships with other people! #what it does mean: #every single one of merlin's other relationships is undergirded by the sickening knowledge that those friendships are conditional #every single one of his other relationships is accompanied by the constant undercurrent of 'they would hate me if they knew' #merlin knows his friends 'care' about him #except they don't really; because it's not truly him they're caring about #they care deeply - about someone merlin made up #about a facade. #in the most basic sense #those relationships aren't Real #the love merlin feels for the people in them is real #but you cannot truly be 'friends' with somebody who doesn't even know who you are #you cannot be loved without being known #you certainly cannot be loved without being safe

obviously i suppose a person’s thoughts on this would be different if they headcanoned that gwaine knew about merlin’s magic, and that’s fine. i personally do not believe canon indicates or supports that, but i’m not out to convince people to abandon their own fanon interpretations of things; i’m happy just hanging out in my own space talking about my thoughts. me writing meta is the virtual equivalent of me talking to myself in my room - if other people have different conversations with themselves, that’s fine :) i don’t mind if other folks organize their thoughts about things differently.

in accordance with that - everybody please feel free to continue on with your own interpretations, and ignore mine if mine do not appeal to you! if people are interested about how i organize my ideas on this, though, they are essentially as follows:

1) a cage fighter, a class traitor, and a fake sorcerer walk into a tavern

ok, to start with - here’s a graph.

(...who tf starts a meta post with ‘here’s a graph’ lol i just drew a venn diagram for the first time since like...middle school...i LOVE fandom, man, this is RIDICULOUS)

anyway

this is a very rough interpretation of how i think about gwaine, lancelot, and will:

to address some of these elements individually:

lancelot and will give merlin something that gwaine can’t - safety, authenticity, the comfort of being known and seen for real, a respite from constantly qualifying every friendship with ‘they would hate me if they knew’

lancelot and gwaine, likewise, give merlin something merlin wouldn’t be as likely to get from will (if will were still alive, i mean) - an understanding of merlin’s devotion to the Crown, a supportive ally in the fight to promote arthur’s reign and keep arthur/camelot safe

will and gwaine, for their part, are more likely to tell arthur to go fuck himself, if it’s important for helping merlin, and that’s a different kind of support that merlin also really needs.

and will, on his own, gives merlin something that neither lancelot NOR gwaine can provide, which is a friend who isn’t connected to or even particularly interested in arthur pendragon (merlin has nobody in his life like this, not after will dies) - somebody who knew and cared about merlin before merlin had any proximity to arthur, before this whole ’destiny’ issue reared its merciless head.

everybody in merlin’s life matters to him and gives him something important. gwaine is STUPIDLY important to merlin. the love there is real. but in canon, because gwaine is not in the know, gwaine is still one of the people from whom merlin feels compelled to hide himself. gwaine is right up there alongside gwen, arthur, elyan, percival, etc - every other person who merlin loves, who merlin nonetheless constantly, back-of-his-mind fears, ‘they would reject me if they knew.’

the above is part of why i personally have never been too interested in ‘so-and-so knows about merlin’s magic’ canon-imaginings. there’s absolutely nothing wrong with them, and i’m sure people must have tons of fun with them - and in an AU context maybe i would have fun with them too - but as hopeful interpretations of actual canon, they don’t appeal to me. merlin’s near-total isolation and desperate, constantly-frustrated desire for real, honest love is an inalienable aspect of his character for me, one i can’t separate from who he is and why he does the things he does and why he eventually ends up in the place where we find him towards the end of the show.

2) i just want someone to see me for who i am

i have seen a bit of sentiment out there along the lines of ‘merlin should have told (x person) about their magic’ or ‘(x person) obviously doesn’t have a problem with sorcerers,’ but i guess i personally don’t think it’s as clear as all that, and i think me saying it is would be doing merlin a disservice.

merlin’s desire to be seen/known/accepted is literally the most base urge he has. if he truly thought he could tell somebody safely, he would.

i think merlin knows the people in his orbit well enough to know how they feel about sorcery, at least in a general sense. and even if they aren’t bloodthirsty bigots like uther, they aren’t exactly welcoming magic with open arms, either. at the most basic, elementary level, merlin understands something that we don’t like to think about: none of his friends ever challenge arthur on the sorcery ban or express any dissatisfaction with the political status quo, and, even absent outright bigotry, this fact speaks loudly enough in and of itself. merlin’s friends might not be out clamoring for sorcerers’ blood, but they aren’t criticizing a society that criminalizes sorcery, either, and they are never shown to have a problem with the way things are, even though the way things are is wrong.

The Way Things Are is, in fact, unjust. it’s oppressive. and allowing that state of affairs to continue, unquestioned and unchallenged, when you have access to the king’s ear and aren’t personally in danger of being persecuted, indicates that you’re okay with the injustice. that you’re comfortable with the oppression. that you don’t see a problem with the status quo, and that you're unbothered enough by it to let it be.

it doesn’t matter that merlin’s friends have never straight-up said ‘boy, magic sure is evil’ onscreen. they never say that camelot’s policies are wrong, and that delivers a clear enough message on its own.

3) it is not a crime to fight for your freedom

to bring this back to gwaine specifically, since that was originally the focus of this ask -

for me, for all that i adore gwaine, and for all that i think he was, for the most part, an INCREDIBLY sound, healthy relationship for merlin, the truth is that gwaine is as much a part of this problem as everyone else. does that mean i personally think gwaine would have summarily dumped merlin if he’d found out merlin had magic? no. but i don’t think it’s as uncomplicated as maybe we wish it might be, and i think merlin has every right to be as uncertain of gwaine on this issue as he does of everyone else.

for one thing, like i said before, even gwaine, who used to have fewer qualms than any of the knights about pushing back on arthur’s BS, has never said a word about camelot’s injustices, or ever acknowledged that the laws of the land are unjust to begin with.

for another, there are specific moments that kind of make you wonder.

5.05 (’the disir’) is a good example of this - when gwaine finds osgar in the woods, the two of them have this exchange:

you are a sorcerer, a heretic, and a murderer.

the rhetoric of this sentence frames all three of these things as equivalent entities - criminal ones.

to pick this apart more carefully:

a) sorcerer

it’s worth noting here that we’re never told osgar has done anything worse than evading arrest for the crime of being a known sorcerer. when leon mentions him in the council meeting, the conversation consists solely of the following:

“as you know, a few days ago our garrison in the forest of breckfire intercepted the man who goes by the name of osgar.”

“the sorcerer.”

“the same. they were trying to apprehend him when he used his powers to escape.”

and…that’s it. osgar’s crime, as far as we know, was simply being a sorcerer (and then, after that, attempting to escape an unjust arrest, thereby killing a knight in the process). there’s no mention of any other activities that would have warranted his arrest in the first place, other than the possession of magic.

but magic, even on its own, IS a crime in camelot - and gwaine levels the accusation at osgar as such.

b) heretic

that’s a hell of a word to throw around, if you think sorcery is chill.

“heretic” isn’t a mild accusation. "heretic” has vitriolic severity behind it. people are accused of heresy when they’re perceived to be in brazen defiance of what is (in the eyes of the accuser) unquestionably right and correct. “heretic” is like…it’s like blasphemer. the connotation is not just that something is bad, but that it’s sinful.

for gwaine, either osgar’s association with sorcery and/or his defiance of camelot’s army makes him a heretic. and that’s not something a person who is down with sorcery or supportive of a magic-user’s struggle for freedom would say.

c) murderer

if gwaine were cool with sorcery, we would expect him to understand that a sorcerer who resisted arrest for the crime of being a sorcerer isn’t a murderer.

it’s like kara said in 5.11 - it is not a crime to fight for the right to be who you are.

camelot has been killing sorcerers for decades. osgar mortally wounded a soldier (not an innocent civilian, i might note) who was trying to imprison him. he was resisting the armed forces of an oppressive state. that’s not murder.

somebody who understands that camelot is an oppressive regime wouldn’t think of this as murder. they would understand that it is not a crime to protect your own life when the state has literally been trying to exterminate your people for years. and even if osgar had been engaged in rebellious activities against the state (which as far as we know is not the case - nothing like this is ever referenced!), they would understand that people with magic have long been overdue for a righteous uprising.

but gwaine is a little more like arthur, in this moment - he sees the “wrong” that osgar has done (in the form of sir ranulf’s death) without seeing the thousands upon thousands of wrongs that camelot visited upon the magical community first.

4) you can’t go armed into a sacred place

the rest of this episode is similar. gwaine pays just as little heed to merlin’s warnings as the rest of the knights, when merlin admonishes them that the disir’s cave is sacred. gwaine doesn’t relinquish his sword or take special care upon entering the cave. in fact, he is the one who outright interrupts the disir while they’re speaking - as they’re telling arthur a series of hard truths, that he’s persecuted magic-users, “even unto slaughter;” that he’s desecrated their space: “you come here, to the most sacred of the sacred, to the very heart of the Old Religion, with weapons drawn - trampling hallowed relics - treating our sacred space like you do your kingdom - with arrogance - with conceit - with insolence - ”

and gwaine cuts them off, pushing to the front of the group and shouting at them “enough! you speak of the king!” and that’s when the fight starts, when mordred gets stabbed.

someone who was fully accepting of magic, or who knew anything about it at all, would not have behaved this way. they would not have bristled at hearing how arthur’s regime unfairly persecutes the magical community. they would have known that it was true.

5) i just want to be myself

the above is just one example, but it’s a clear enough one to illustrate what i mean. gwaine IS an amazing friend to merlin. he does treat merlin well. and merlin loves him to death. but gwaine is NOT totally chill with magic. i’m not saying he actively hates it, but he is not, from what merlin has witnessed, entirely safe. merlin loves him, but he can’t be himself around him.

and i do think that pains merlin terribly. all these people who he loves so much, and every time he’s with them there’s always that whisper: ‘this is a charade. all the love in my life is a lie. they only like me because they don’t know me. if they knew who i really was, this would be over.’

and we wonder why he never tells anyone. we tell him he ‘should’ have told gwaine, gwen, morgana, arthur, like it would have been easy, or even possible, for him to ever consider putting himself in a position where he could lose what precarious, partially make-believe connections he has.

merlin, in the later seasons, when he worries about his magic being exposed, isn’t afraid of being executed. he’s afraid of becoming even more alone than he is now. and he has good reason to feel that way - even people who appear to put him first aren’t fully on board with the thing that makes him who he is. and merlin knows this. he’s seen it. none of his friends are out fighting for people like him at court. some of his friends shake their heads and assure arthur “you are a good and just king” when arthur expresses concern that maybe the disir are right, maybe he has indeed transgressed. some of merlin’s friends used to buck the system in defense of the powerless, but now they defend the regime even when the accusations levelled against it by an oppressed population are true.

merlin knows that revealing himself is a kind of risk that could very plausibly end with him utterly disowned. every single friendship he has is subject to this justified fear, this bitter knowledge. merlin has every reason to doubt the soundness of his relationships.

and, circling back to the thing that started all these musings - the only friends who never made him feel that way were will and lancelot.

that’s all i mean when i say that will and lancelot were merlin’s only “real” friends. i wish there were a better word to use than that, because i really don’t mean it like…as if merlin’s relationships with other people weren’t…valid, or important, or based on true love and care. they were. but there’s just not a better way to express that will and lancelot were the only people who ever even knew who they were friends with, who saw merlin for exactly who he was and said “i love you still.” they were the only ones whose friendship was something merlin didn’t have to be afraid of losing solely for existing.

i always think of morgana’s line in 2.11 - ‘i don’t want to be brave. i just want to be myself. i don’t want to be alone anymore.’

around everyone else, merlin has to be brave. he has to keep up the pretense, which means even when he’s surrounded by friends, he’s completely isolated.

with will and lancelot, though, he could be himself. with will and lancelot, he wasn’t alone.

6) post-script

i really appreciate being given the opportunity to muse to myself about this in more detail - i actually needed to think through some things regarding gwaine anyway, for writing purposes, and this was actually really helpful in organizing my brain. so thanks, anon, for the prompt!

i know my answer probably runs counter to your own interpretation of things, but as i said, this is just my own personal outlook. i typed it up because the message got me thinking, and because i know i have a couple of friends who might find it interesting, but my thoughts apply only to me, and i do not mind at all if folks think about these things differently! nobody is obligated to agree with anything i write, or give it any further thought, or even read it at all - we’re all going to engage with this story in different ways, so if anybody finds that this isn’t their cup of tea, please feel free to scroll on by, and keep having fun with this show in whatever way makes you happiest! :)

#tumblr is doing something weird and not letting me use read-more's in posts that are replies to an ask #i was able to screenshot the last ask i replied to and just turn the whole thing into a text post with a read-more #because i knew the sender would see it anyway #but i'm not sure an anon will see this without getting the notification #sorry this is a #long post #i will play with it more and see if i can get the cut to actually show up #=/#the once and future slowburn #you're the only friend i've got #meta #replies #the bravest and most noble of them all #no kings no masters

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yotd2009 · 3 years

Note

i am curious, as someone who’s only exposure to arthurania was reading jane yolen’s young merlin as a child, would you mind saying why hnoc is a bad adaptation? i’m super curious but no worries if not <3

this has been sitting in my inbox for months bc i kept telling myself i needed to write a full essay with proof from medieval lit to make myself feel smarter. however, since i’ve recently lost all credibility bc i can’t articulate points to save my life, and since i’ve realized that i could answer this in a just a couple paragraphs, now seems like the right time to answer this ask. sorry for the wait.

under a cut bc length

also warnings for mentions of racism bc this is hnoc we're talking abt and sexual assault bc this is med lit we're also talking abt

the basic problems are pendragon polycule itself, the story beats of the album, the fridging and lack of characterization of morgan le fay, the clear influence of pop culture arthuriana, and whatever the fuck happened with gawain/e.

pendragon polycule is... just not a good take. there’s a bit in the lancelot-grail abt arthur viewing lancelot like a son (and lancelot not giving a shit abt him). also arthur knew his parents for years before lancelot was even born. plus lancelot just Doesn’t care abt him and i can’t stress this part enough. arthur repeatedly tries to have guinnevere killed, mostly in the lancelot-grail, and guinn didn’t really have any say in marrying him bc she was a teenager. lancelot and guinnevere is a lot better but that’s not saying much. guinn doesn’t exactly treat lancelot too well... like at all, BUT it’s not intrinsic to their relationship and is completely caused by medieval misogyny and i’m all in favor of modern retellings saying fuck that. but also lancelot has multiple pseudo-canon boyfriends (this is med lit after all), and one pseudo-canon husband so like... there were better options. (also lancelot’s husband is basically in a lavender marriage with guinnevere’s maybe girlfriend who most authors just eventually forget abt as the story progresses).

this next one is a problem with a lot of modern arthurian works bc the inclusion of elayne of astolat is too much to ask apparently. the grail quest isn’t tied to the fall of camelot, it just happens to be one of the last grand adventures the knights of the round table have. the event that traditionally sets off the fall is the death of the maiden of astolat/the lady of shalott/elayne of escolat/she has a lot of names, her story has a few variations but usually she either is cursed to stay in a tower and weave and only be able to see the outside world through a mirror positioned across from her window, until lancelot rides by and she rushes to see him out of the actual window and her mirror shatters, setting off her death, or she lives with her father and brothers and takes care of lancelot bc he was injured for a time and she gets to go on adventures to find him and she’s friends with gawaine and she dies bc lancelot rejects her and this version’s a lot more fun but also more happens which makes it harder to explain. the way her story ends however, is that she dies after she makes arrangements for a glorious boat to drift from astolat to camelot carrying nothing but her dead body and a letter explaining that she died of love for lancelot du lac and the court mourns the death of such a beautiful and young maiden (her age varies a lot but i’ve always read her as a young teenager at most). but the important thing is, camelot is doomed from the moment she washes up on its shore bc she’s an omen of the end and has symbolic meaning and all that, the maiden of astolat washes up on camelot’s shores, the court mourns the loss of a maiden in her prime and she marks the end of camelot’s prime as well, morgan le fay reappears after being presumed dead and warns arthur of guinnevere and lancelot’s affair, aggravaine and modred conspire to bring lancelot and guinnevere’s affair to light, they succeed but lancelot escapes, guinnevere is to be burnt at the stake and lancelot rescues her, killing aggravaine, gaheris and gareth (gawaine’s brothers) in the process, gawaine drags his uncle and camelot to war bc he was driven mad due to the loss of his brothers, lancelot accidentally kills gawaine, his best friend and maybe boyfriend (i have RECEIPTS), and gawaine forgives him on his detahbed while lancelot and guinn rejoin arthur, meanwhile modred, who practically had the throne handed to him, usurps and invites the saxons in, camlann happens, and camelot is destroyed. no where in there is the grail quest.

morgan le fay is honestly the most questionable part of the album bc there’s not a single text where she dies. like.... at least with eurydice in udad she died in the original... there’s no basis for morgan dying. also she is NOT modred’s mother and anyone who tells you otherwise is a liar, she interacts with him once in the vulgate bc she had three of her nephews over and that’s IT. it’s a horrible take which originated in the mists of avalon by marion zimmer bradley who is an honest to god monster for reasons i don’t want to trigger tag this post for. also she’s one of the most dynamic and thought-out characters in the entire canon and they just made her a watered down morgause (modred’s actual mother, morgan’s sister, canonical milf)... there was no reason for it to be her apart from the fact that she’s more well known......

pop culture arthuriana is,,, one of my least favorite things. no, morgan wasn’t modred’s mother, no, morgause wasn’t abusive but her husband sure was implied to be, no, aggravaine didn’t kill his mother, that was gaheris, he loved his mother, you’re only saying that bc he has a reputation as the “evil” orkney, no, the once and future king is not a good descriptor for arthur, stop making me read it, no, morgause wasn’t the one to initiate the thing with arthur resulting in modred, no, lancelot and arthur weren’t friends, no, tristan wasn’t a self-centered asshole, tennyson is a fucking liar, no, galahad didn’t have sex or want to, he’s one of the first ever explicitly asexual characters out there, no, galahad’s conception was NOT consensual, lancelot was tricked, and no, elayne of astolat wasn’t galahad’s mother, she’s implied to be younger than him. those are just the big glaring ones, but i swear it’s bc of arthuriana’s reputation as a mythology and the connotations belonging to that word (no one true canon (which is true but there are still things that just AREN’T canon, not completely written down, passed by oral tradition) that causes ppl to see mediocre modern texts and go “oh. well this is abt as close to the original as i’m going to get” and don’t bother to look into so much as malory (who i only name bc he’s one of the most well known medieval authors with the most commonly used storylines, don’t read malory kids, he’s a mediocre-at-best writer even by medieval standards). the big perpetrators of modern arthurian tropes are the books the once and future king by th wh*te, who is a shitty person and lets it bleed into his writing (which isn’t like... nice to read or anything, seriously why do ppl love this book so much it doesn’t have redeeming qualities), and the mists of avalon by marion zimmer bradley (it’s poorly written, the story is a mess, and mzb is honestly a monster and one google search will tell you that), and unfortunately the writings of tennyson, which are mostly good but he clearly didn’t read the povest (a later text that’s also my favorite, known for significantly improving ppl’s opinions on tristan, isolde and co.) before deciding he hated both tristan and isolde and he has HORRIBLE takes on them. high noon over camelot is SEEPED in pop culture arthuriana and i think it would have been so much better if the band had read so much as a SUMMARY of the events of le morte. it’s evident in the song “the once and future king” bc it’s,,,, literally named after one of the worst books in existence. it’s shown in the morgan le fay thing, and it’s shown in the pendragon polycule thing. and hell, i think you can even explain away the lack of elayne of astolat with pop culture arthuriana, bc ppl have had bad takes on her ever since th wh*te combined her character with that of ela*ne of corbenic, and the band probably went “huh, let’s write lancelot’s abuser out of this” and they would’ve been right to do so if that’s who elayne of astolat was.

the final big issue is gawaine, the closest thing the genre has to a protagonist, he’s pretty much canon bi and, in some texts, arospec, he’s a dashing knight of great reknown and he derails every romance to steal hearts, commit murder, and make out with every knight and lady mentioned. and in hnoc he’s... racist. that’s it. it’s,,, almost completely unfounded by the arthurian canon and shows a major misunderstanding of his motivations (like i said earlier, he wants to avenge his brothers bc there’s a reoccuring motif of how much the orkneys value family). i say almost bc in one text it’s his motivations for killing palomydes but i’ve never heard it mentioned by name bc that’s just what it’s known for. most arthuriana fans just look away from it except when critiquing hnoc but that one text is an outlier, shouldn’t be counted, and i highly doubt the mechs made hnoc gawain how he is bc they found this text. it’s just a bad text.

hnoc has,,, quite a few more minor issues, such as villainized ladies of the lake (their ONLY crimes were sealing away merlin bc he tried to assault teenage nimue/ninniane (proto-nimue/vivianne from the vulgate), and that one time vivviane/ninniane kidnapped adopted baby lancelot), assigning brain to merlin (y’know,,, the predator who helped arrange the [redacted] of arthur’s mother and tried to assault a teenager,,,) although merlin is portrayed in a positive light throughout modern arthuriana so i don’t think they knew, giving a song to pellinore, who my perception of has been forever altered bc i was introduced to him through malory and the explanation of torre’s conception, which you can just look up “sir torre arthurian” to find out abt if you can’t just Guess, if they wanted a song abt the questing beast palomydes was Right There AND has been associated with the questing beast for longer, but once again i don’t think they knew.

also namedropping a bunch of knights in the fiction is... it Suggests a bigger world full of all these other stories but they just don’t work bc the world of hnoc wasn’t designed in a way where the appearance of half these characters would make sense. like,, tristan is referenced as dying in the grail quest in the same sentence as bedevere (one of the characters who is known for almost always surviving), but tristan Isn’t one of the knights who dies on the grail quest, his possible deaths (ignoring the potentially happy ending of the povest for a second) are either being murdered by his uncle, king mark (bc mark married tristan’s gf to try and get tristan killed and also to spite him), bc he was driven into a fury bc of tristan and isolde’s affair, or he’s injured and only isolde (the best healer in the world) can save him so he sends for her and if the ship he sent for her is supposed to fly white sails if she’s there, or black sails if she’s not, and the ship flies white sails but his wife (also named isolde) says it’s black sails (the why depends but usually comes down to jealousy), and so he gives up bc he thinks all hope is lost and usually succumbs to his injuries, either way isolde dies of a broken heart over his body. there’s no way for the tristan and isolde story to play out like it’s supposed to in the world of hnoc, just as there’s no way for any story with gawaine (and Oh Boy are there a lot of stories with gawaine) or pretty much anyone else, without severely altering the canon.

of course, there are still parts of hnoc i like a lot, most of the music i adore and i just like the idea of space cowboys and the secret good hnoc that lives in my head. and it has one of my favorite characterizations of galahad, even though galahad hnoc is nothing like galahad arthuriana. it’s not GOOD but i like it and it’s fun to turn my brain off too, and i’ll always value it as my introduction to arthuriana.

also there are modern arthurian tropes i do like such as characters being genre-savvy/knowing they’re fictional/knowing they’ve done this before (which hnoc does wonderfully!) and bedevere-as-the-storyteller (everyone say thank you lord tennyson).

WOW that was longer than expected, i feel very passionately abt this, when i was planning to write a fully sourced essay i meant to include a bit at the bottom with recommendations to get into better arthuriana and i think i’ll keep that in this post.

if you like hnoc for the arthurian music i’d like to suggest heather dale’s arthurian music to you, she does occasionally fall into the trap of modern arthuriana (some parts of lancelot and arthur being close, morgan as modred’s mother), sometimes she’s just wrong (galahad at lancelot’s trial, a lot of tristan and isolde), and her stuff is kinda straightwashed sometimes (sir gawain and the green knight, for example) but i’d be lying if it wasn’t catchy, and it’s not quite as bad as hnoc adaptation-wise. culwch and olwen is pretty accurate (albeit abridged bc culwch and olwen has SO many tangents), as is lily maid (it’s abt elayne of astolat!).

if you liked hnoc for king arthur... in space! then may i recommend to you my own fanfic? it's not posted yet but the second i finish writing the first chapter i'm going to make a Big Deal out of it that'll be impossible to miss!

if you want to learn abt arthuriana through tumblr-osmosis like i did at first, i’d like to recommend the love of my life @acegalahads, first and foremost (it’s me on a sideblog i’m just obsessed with myself), and i can’t recommend my arthuriana mutuals over there, @/gringolet, @/merlinenthusiast, @/jcbookworm, @/elayneofshalott, and @/elaineofascolat (the elayne urls have been popular recently), also i know for a fact that my mutual-in-law, @/itonje makes great arthuriana posts that i look forwards to whenever i open the tag.

here are a few good reference posts, a quick guide to the characters, a guide to characters of color, and a much more comprehensive intro to arthuriana post with even more texts linked to it.

if you want to ease into med lit, i’d like to introduce you to pre-raphaelite poetry, alfred lord tennyson and william morris are my favorites, although tennyson can’t be trusted with tristan and isolde. the poem the lady of shalott is basically a rite of passage for arthuriana fans, although when it comes to tennyson’s writings abt elayne of astolat, i prefer lancelot and elaine, which is part of his much larger story, idylls of the king. for morris, don’t trust what he says abt aggravaine killing his mother, but my favorites of his are sir galahad, a christmas mystery, which sounds like a shitty disney sequel, and palomyde’s quest, which i blame for my love of palomydes (that and the one bit of the povest where he asks tristan to be his greatest enemy and that he wants nothing more, gay ppl,,,,).

if you want to read abt lancelot and his husband, there’s the lancelot-grail cycle, which i believe was taken off of archive dot org and i think i found it on @/tobeisexhausting’s blog but don’t quote me on that.

the povest, which was a religious experience for me and i can’t reccomend enough if you want to like tristan and isolde, is here, i don’t know who scanned it but i think i found it on @/lanzelet’s blog

the dutch texts are just good in general, here’s a link to their section of a(n unfinished) site for hosting various texts by my former mutual @/reynier (who’s no longer on tumblr). i’d like to recommend lancelot and the white hart specifically bc it’s mainly just just gawaine being gay for lancelot.

if you want older works, here’s my scan of the history of the kings of britain, and here’s culwch and olwen and pa gur.

oh wow this is even longer than i thought it would be so i’m going to wrap this up by saying that i always love to talk abt arthuriana more than anything if you have any questions or just are curious!

#med lit on main #asks #hnoc #the mechs #romeo.txt

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