#fitbit controls me
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i feel very anxious and overwhelmed for no reason, maybe it's because i didn't workout enough but i feel like i'm on the verge of a panic attack
#fitbit controls me#exercise addiction#anablr#b/p cycle#b/p tw#bul1m14#bulim14#disordered eating thoughts#ed not ed sheeran#pro for me not for thee#relapse#sk1nny#steps obsessed
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I'm halfway to my goal weight!!! 🥳🥳🥳
#I totally understand why some people may feel uncomfy reading these kinds of posts so I'll be sure to tag this for that crowd buuuut#I've been actively making healthier choices for myself! I've been trying to be more disciplined which isn't always easy!#I've been putting in effort and now I'm seeing the results! And I deserve to celebrate that!#My goal weight = my pre-pandemic weight + like 1-2kg because I actually felt and looked much better after gaining some weight (initially)#but then we were in lockdown for almost 2 years straight and things kinda spiraled HAHA#I finally look more like myself again and I'm very excited going forward because my goal after reaching my goal weight is to then try and#build some muscles! 😼 and I actually feel like I can do it now! I've proven to myself that I can if I just believe in myself and try!#also getting a Fitbit was such a game changer lol#100% worth the investment if you're wondering#btw I started my journey in September so it will probably take me another 6 months but slow and steady wins the race ok 😤#the time will pass anyway! :')#and tbf I only go to the gym once a week for 2 hours atm 💀 but even that is something I honestly never thought I'd have the guts to do#idk WHY I was so intimidated to go lol bc I even made a new friend there 😭#anyway so much about the future feels scary and out of control when I actually think about it for more than 5 minutes#so it's great to feel in control of something? something important!#now if I could just...conquer my irrevocable sleeping schedule 💀 I'd be unstoppable lmao#speaking of which goodbye it's nearly 7AM aka time to lie in bed and think of tristamp lore that makes me feel anything but normal#until I pass out...I should read the manga 🤔#this is derailing quite quickly OJSJJS#weight mention#weight ment tw#ask to tag#personal#damn that's a lot of tags...I haven't made a personal post in a while here though! I missed my internet diary :')
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if lupus decides to make me randomly allergic to One More Thing im gonna McFreaking Lose It
#teddy talks#personal#to delete later#the list is just getting longer and longer#this time its (drumroll please)#fuCKING NYLON#so if i cant resolve that im gonna have to get a wholeass chest anchored heart rate monitor#which i do NOT want to do#like yes i know wrist ones arent super accurate but 8 just need it to tell me if my heart rate goes below 50 bpm#which! were down to like once a week now bc im getting better at noticing the leading symptoms bc of my fitbit#but said fitbit is now giving me huge rashes on my wrist >:(#so basically on this weeks episode of Fuck Lupus i have to spend like $50 on all kinds of replacement bands in different materials#in the hopes that One (1) of them wont activate my bodys fight/flight mechanism#anyways. rant over#thanks for tuning in. well see u next time on Teddys Life Is Spiralling Out Of Control
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Not the best but still managed to hit my calorie count for the first time! So take the little achievements as they come ☺️
#better me#healthy#healthy eating#life on track#mental health#simply cook#weight loss#Noom#weight log#calories#calorie control#fitbit#fit girls#fit inspo#fit inspiration#mentally exhausted#mentalwellness
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I went inline skating this afternoon and my knee held up reasonably well (though I’m not overly comfortable with inline vs. ice). This was the first time I’d been on any type of skate in approximately 18 months, so even though I wore a knee brace, I’m considering my day a success.
#me#life#little things#I just bought them#I've also ordered a new fitbit because I can't control my spending
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50 reasons
50 reasons i want to lose weight
be skinnier than my enemies
look better in clothes
weigh less than my crush
don't jiggle when i walk
have the abs i've wanted for so long
feel comfortable wearing anything
not be judged eating
not feel insecure
lower blood pressure
look good
better jawline
narrower face
bigger eyes
easier to shave
grow muscle without having to lose weight first
can tell people i workout without them laughing
better stamina
not hating my body
better skin
healthier lifestyle
easier to romanticize
not insecure about telling people my weight
less water to drink
fitbit will be proud of me
people i don't like will be jealous
more options for clothes
to prove that i have willpower
finally take control of what i look like
don't look ridiculous running
prove i'm not weak
can be carried
no fupa
narrower shoulders
take up less space
can sit on someone's lap without them dying
more photogenic
prove that i'm not a weak pushover who can't control myself
better health
use less lotion/body oils
sit down without an ocean of thighs emerging
less noticeable stretch marks
take less time washing
have more than the 5 safe outfits that make me look skinnier
quieter footsteps
be considered conventionally attractive
not feel like a giant next to smaller people
make myself proud
be at a low bmi
look elegant
lighter periods
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Prompt: “You’re a bad liar did you know?”
Set during 8.01
Her life kinda feels like one of those times when you’re coming out of anesthesia. You’re awake and aware, but completely out of control over what you say and do.
Plus, it takes a while for everything to feel right again. That’s how it feels to live in Fowerlton with her fiancé.
She feels off, but somehow not at the same time. It’s confusing and she misses 51 so much. She misses her people.
“Slutty or sophisticated?” Stella asks over the grainy video call. Sylvie can barely see her since the loft is so dark and the connection from Indiana to Chicago sucks.
“Always slutty,” Sylvie laughs, sitting up against her headboard. Kyle had a work trip so it’s just her alone in their bedroom. She’s nestled under the scratchy comforter in an old band t-shirt and her not so attractive readers.
(Yes, she needs glasses to read really small print. It’s not something she fesses up to, but it’s Stella so who cares?)
“You’re so right,” her friend agrees, snagging a tight deep blue dress with a high slit off the hanger. “The whole point is to make Kelly drool.”
Severide’s yelling in the background about not being able to find the shirt Stella likes.
“It’s in your closet! Do you need cataracts!”
“I can’t find it!” Severide yells back.
Her friend huffs and leaves the bedroom, taking Sylvie along to stare at the ceiling fixtures as she navigates into the living room.
Sylvie’s thrilled her best friend is finally happy with Severide. Her friend is obsessed with him and it’s good to see them both on the same page.
The way Stella talks about him is absolutely nothing like how she talks about Kyle. He’s a great guy, yes. He’s so kind and giving. In some ways, she thinks he’s perfect for her, but something is missing.
The tension. They just don’t have that. She’s tried and tried to generate some heat, but it’s cold as ice. She imagined herself with a man she wants to jump right then and there.
“Hold your horses! I’m coming!” Stella hollers and Sylvie laughs. Those two will be driving each other crazy in a nursing home one of these days. “Here, talk to Brett, Casey.”
What?
Stella’s glamorous face moves out of view. Did she say she was going to give the FaceTime to Matt?
She looks horrible. She didn’t even fully take her make up off and she put on a few of those pimple patches around a few blemishes.
“How do I…” Matt’s face comes into view, clearly lounging on the couch. He grins a little when he sees her on the screen. “Hey, stranger.”
She covers her face. She’s not super vain, but she’s not sure she wants Casey to witness her before bed look.
“Oh god, Casey. I look ridiculous!” She chuckles behind her hand.
“I doubt that,” he replies. “Come on, you’re really going to hide your face from me?”
Yes. She’s protecting this false narrative she’s created that she has good eyesight and never forgets to comb her hair.
“Trust me, you don’t want to see this Sylvie Brett.”
“Try me.”
Ugh, he’s just so smooth.
Oh no. No. She’s engaged. She’s marrying Kyle which is what Casey wants for her. She buried her stupid budding feelings for him months ago.
She’d hide her face all night, but that also means she can’t see his. She’s not sure that’s worth it.
“Fine. Fine,” she mutters. “No laughing.”
“I swear.”
She moves her hands away from the work in progress that’s going on with her face. Now that she can see her phone too, Casey looks ridiculously good in an objective way.
He’s tanner and even the pixelated version of him quickens her heart rate. Her Fitbit physically alerts her about it.
Kyle doesn’t do that to her.
“You look adorable,” he compliments. “I like the glasses. Whether you believe me or not, I like the natural Brett.”
Kyle suggested she put on a little more foundation before meeting his parents. Granted, he didn’t out right say that because he’s too nice, but he implied it by suggesting she should wear more.
Here’s Casey, telling her he prefers the most unattractive version of herself.
It doesn’t mean anything. She’s just losing her mind.
“I think you have bad eye sight.”
“Says the one in glasses.”
She laughs a little too hard at that which makes him chuckle too. She’s missed this lightness. Fowerlton feels heavy.
Matt shakes his head with a little laugh once she’s done giggling. “It’s weird without you here Brett. Really weird.”
It’s weird in Fowerlton too.
She shifts in bed, cuddling into the overly fluffy pillow Kyle picked out. “It’s weird without you guys too.”
His gaze softens a little and she sees a hint of sadness grace his face. “How’s your arm?”
She knows he blames himself for what happened. He doesn’t have to admit it for her to know. He carries the weight of the world on his shoulders.
She wishes she could reach through the phone and comfort him, but it’s probably best she can’t. The last thing she should find herself doing is touching Casey.
“It’s perfectly healed,” she murmurs, suddenly super tired. Lately, she’s been quite the insomniac, but it’s like all she’s needed was Matt’s voice and his kind eyes to fully realize how tired she is. “How are you doing?”
He reads the sleepiness right off which isn’t hard since she keeps letting her eyes flutter closed. “I’m doing okay.”
She hums, eyes closed. Her brain paints this image where she’s not alone in her fiancé’s bed. She’s in the loft on the couch with her head on Matt’s shoulder.
She doesn’t correct her stupid brain out of sheer exhaustion.
“Sylvie?” He asks.
She nods, replying on auto pilot. “Yeah?”
“You’re clearly tired.”
“No, I’m not,” she protests, forcing her eyelids open. She doesn’t want to fall asleep but there is something so calming about Matt.
He chuckles. “You’re a bad liar did you know?”
She is a bad liar. She knows she is but she’s too content right now to defend his assumption.
She can hear Stella’s enthusiastic voice on the other end edging closer. She’s asking something about which heels she should wear, but Matt tells her to quiet down.
She hears small murmurs and creaking leather. It almost feels like she’s right back in Chicago with her eyes shut.
“Goodnight, Sylvie,” Matt whispers and then the call disconnects. She cracks one eye open to plug in her phone and then curls up to sleep.
She misses Chicago.
#brettsey#based on a prompt#sylkiddsey prompts#season 8 again sorry#i have a longer story in the works for Christmas#in the meantime enjoy the prompts#big thanks to whoever requested this one
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Would you guys like to read a sneak peek at a new fic I'm working on? 👀
You stood outside the classroom door, triple checking the small scrap of paper you tore from the larger leaflet on the commons board. Sure enough, the room was indeed room 6900 in the Everett building, an arts and humanities classroom building.
You stare down at your fitbit on your wrist - the cute Stardew Valley clock face shows that the time is, indeed, 4:55pm. About 5 minutes before this club is supposed to meet. A club that, despite your greatest efforts, you hadn't planned on attending. If it wasn't for Undyne giving you quite possibly the saddest puppy eyes (and also the fact that you owe her for helping you study for your calculus midterm), you would have been on your way back to the dorms, ready to tuck into a cup of ramen while you did homework. But no, Undyne's buddy was in desperate need of club members, lest their precious club get shut down. Er, what was the club anyways? You hadn't had the chance to ask Undyne. Well, time to find out.
You gently open the door.
...it's...empty?
Did, did you have the right classroom? You check the paper again - yep, this is the right room. And the right time. Well, maybe a couple minutes early, but usually people show up to their clubs early, right? Oh no, did the club get dissolved before you could help? You floundered around near the entrance, trying to figure out what to do when someone cleared their throat behind you.
"AHEM! EXCUSE ME, HUMAN! I MUST GET INTO THE CLASSROOM SO I CAN PREPARE FOR MY CLUB MEETING! UNLESS, GASP! ARE YOU HERE TO JOIN MY CLUB?!" Jesus, did this guy have any volume control? Also did he just say gasp out loud??
You turn around to face the offending...oh! It's a monster. Wait, that sounds bad. They are a monster, a skeleton monster to be exact. Huh, you feel like you've seen another one lazing around in the courtyards with a sucker in his mouth. This skeleton monster had quite possibly the bluest eyes you've ever seen, wearing a gray t-shirt, athletic sweats, and sporting a blue bandana around his neck.
This person must be the club leader. You regain your composure and hold out your hand, "Yeah! Undyne told me about the club," You faintly remember Undyne telling you not to say the real reason you're here, "I, er, I'm really interested in it!" You give them your best (and fakest) smile you can, trying to sell the idea and hope that he doesn't question you further. Your plan works, because now this skeleton has stars (yes, literal stars) in his eye...holes.
"WOWIE!!! A HUMAN, WANTING TO JOIN MY CLUB! THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER! AND WITH YOU JOINING, THIS MEANS WE'LL BE AN OFFICIAL CLUB!" He enthusiastically grabs your hand with both of his own gloved hands, shaking so rapidly and vigorously that your whole body practically shakes. All of a sudden, he gasps (this time just the action), "OH MY GOODNESS, WHERE ARE MY MANNERS! HUMAN, MY NAME IS THE MAGNIFICENT SANS! BUT YOU CAN JUST CALL ME SANS!" Sans poses dramatically, similar to a superhero. Okay, this was actually a bit endearing. Maybe it wouldn't be that bad after all? You supply your own name, though you don't have a fancy title to go with it. Sans simply smiles and heads into the room, placing the large bag onto the teaching podium. You opt to take a seat, sitting right next to the podium. Sans quickly produces a paper and pen for you.
"PLEASE FILL OUT THIS FORM SO I CAN SUBMIT IT TO THE COUNSELING OFFICE!" You nod, eyeing the blue snowman bobble pen with mild amusement. As you're filling out the paper, two more students arrive.
The first, Undyne, who gives you a toothy grin and a thumbs up before plopping into the seat next to yours. The next student, however, was also a familiar face. In all of his lanky, orange hoodie glory, pops in the only other skeleton you've seen on campus. Well, you guess it makes sense that the skeletons know each other. This skeleton starts to walk towards the closest seat to the door, before eyeing you very suspiciously.
As you hand the paper and pen back to Sans, the other skeleton speaks up, "huh, what's a human like you doing here?" You...didn't appreciate his tone. Humans and monsters may not have always gotten along, but they've been coexisting (again) for a decade now. You guess some monsters haven't forgiven humans, which is understandable. Still, you put on a small smile and try to make peace.
"Well -"
"PAPYRUS! DON'T INTIMIDATE OUR NEWEST MEMBER!" Oh, so the other skeletons name is Papyrus? Interesting name. Then again, monsters have very different naming conventions from humans. Papyrus puts his hands up in defeat before reach into his pocket to pull out a sucker.
"sorry bro, s'just a question." Man, now you kind of feel bad.
You quickly come to Papyrus' defense, "It's all good, Sans! It's not really all that common to see humans in monster clubs, I guess." Papyrus gives you a puzzled look before shrugging. Was he really confused as to why you backed him up? Sans huffed, tapping the thick stack of papers against the podium.
"PLEASE DO NOT ENABLE MY BROTHER, HUMAN, HE'LL NEVER LEARN HIS LESSON THAT WAY." Ah, that makes sense now - they're brothers! Before you could say anything else, Sans speaks again, "ANYWAYS, NOW THAT EVERYONE IS HERE, WE CAN BEGIN THE CLUB MEETING!" He claps his hands together loudly, "WELCOME, TO THE SOCIALLY AWKWARD CLUB!"
...
The WHAT?!
You whip your head to the side to look at Undyne, who gives you a sheepish smile. You can't believe this, a socially awkward club? What does that even mean?!
Great, you're really in it now. Might as well see where this goes.
#not sure if this is just going to be a sans/reader or if ill add papyrus in the mix as well#let me know what you guys think!#welcome to the socially awkward club!#<- tentative title
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Ahahahaha to say I’ve binged this last couple of days is an understatement but the first day I burnt enough off for Fitbit to tell me I was still under my calorie goal by the end of the day but yesterday I was still over it even after a 4 hour walk just kill me now
I’m going out for drinks today aswell so I’m just gonna be drinking empty calories 😭 and I know full well drunk me will get a fat greasy pizza aswell to bring home the fat fuck and I’m going out for lunch with my best friend tomorrow so more fucking calories yayyyyy 🙃
Call my self @n0r3x!c absolutely not.
Long walk tomorrow night
And I already planned to do like a 20 mile walk on Tuesday anyway just to challenge myself while I’m on annual leave cause my normal everyday walk is just over 10 so… I just need to not fucking eat like I have been and everything should just ✨balance✨ itself.
I knew eating so much in December would bring me out of my honeymoon phase I’m struggling so much recently I can’t get back under control
Fml 😭😭😭
#4norexi4#@na vent#@nor3×14#i will reach my ugw#thinspø#@na trigger#@tw edd#@n0r3xia#pro @na#depressing shit
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vent, kind of fatshaming, super long
so there are now TWO morbidly obese members of my family I'm aware of who have prescribed wegovy or ozempic. you can ONLY be prescribed these drugs once you are clinically obese. obviously they need the help but please explain to me why my brother - unemployed, literally sits on the couch playing video games all day (10+ hours a day!!!) gets to just get a shot to melt the weight off. when i hit the overweight threshold and wanted to stop gaining/drop back into a normal weight, all i get told is to monitor my calories more closely. the weight gain already had me flirting with relapse, then i find out the heaviest in my family are getting drugs thrown at them to drop weight and I'm being told "just keep an eye on your calorie count". The guy you just prescribed weight loss drugs to? He ate an ENTIRE FAMILY SIZE BAG OF CHIPS on top of his actual meals!! Plus ice cream before bed! All in the same day!! Only got up to go from couch to bathroom or couch to kitchen. But I, 3 lbs overweight, runner, regular gym goer, recently recovered anorexic, better just work harder.
when my mom told me her doctor was starting her on ozempic I said "god i wish i could get on it just long enough to lose 8 pounds or so" and she tells me "oh there are other things you should try first" so why don't these obese fucks try those other things? like you weren't screaming yelling at me in the hospital because you were so angry at me for doing this to myself. i am extremely capable of those "other things." I am probably TOO capable of those "other things." Those "other things" are addictive to me.
during this conversation, she's eating a double serving of fruit dumplings with literally a quarter cup of sugar in her coffee. two or three cups every morning. she could just swap for diet sweetener and cut out 400-600 cals a day! a pound a week in just the sugar in her morning coffee!!! when she visits me she just sits on my couch watching movies. i'll plan activities but inevitably it's too hot out, too windy out, too far away. can't we just order in from that restaurant she likes and rent a movie? there's an awesome park with several restaurants .8 mile from my house, i like to walk there and pick up lunch from a restaurant and picnic by the pond when weather and schedule allow. can't do that with my mom, she gets completely out of breath and her knees hurt. we have to drive. not even a mile and we have to drive. shared fitbit data with my sister for a while (also fat but nowhere near mom or baby brother), and she was averaging only 800 steps a day! a day!
obviously its better for society at large to have fitter citizenry, and i want my family to be healthier, but. feels like they are being rewarded for their absolute lack of self control. Eat yourself into three of you? Here's a shot to burn fat. Can't expect you to put down the chips! Meanwhile the rest of us who have actually exercised self control (too much self control in ana/mia cases) throughout our lives get told "no shortcuts! work harder! you don't get help!"
i know it isn't rational but this is how i feel. i am glad they are getting medical support to lose weight, because i want them to be around for a long time. i want to be able to walk to the park with my family. i want them to have the energy and ability to do things beside sit on the couch. i want them to be able to play volleyball with me or actually SWIM when we go to the beach. I want them to be able to take their dogs on regular, good length walks!
also obviously i am tempted to try and steal few pens of the wegovy but i won't do that to him. i can lose weight on my own. but god is it tempting. he's almost definitely not going to follow any diet recommended or increase his activity level, so its kind of like, a waste of perfectly useful medication isn't it? maybe he'll surprise me. maybe this is the boost he needs to start taking care of himself a little better. small changes add up, after all.
in a sick way this is motivating me to push myself even harder - lose more weight , faster. prove i don't need it.
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I finally got noise cancelling headphones as my Christmas present this year and I’m going feral
I have had AirPods Pro but they’re older now and fail to block noise and produce what I need but
THESE XM4S
They are sound proofing, I can adjust the way the music sounds like bass and treble and shit, volume and skipping and noise cancelling is all controllable without getting my phone out,
But also having something actually cover my ears instead of being in them feels so much safer to me and so much just ahhhhhhhgg
I am so happy
other shit I got quick list: Pajamas, Tbhk art book, three Tbhk volumes, a shirt, a new book I’ve never heard of I forgot what it’s called, a Naruto calendar (I haven’t seen Naruto, mums just trying to be nice about me liking anime’s I guess?? I don’t know 😭 it’s cool tho) a drawing book where it has the guide on the page in the corner and then you copy it all over the page, a Fitbit for reminders and stuff bcz I’m time blind asf and anxious and it will keep me on track by giving me event notifications, SPIRITFARER FINALLY I ASKED GOR THAT AND I GOT IT I WAS VERY EXCITED and also crime and punishment by fyodor dostoevesky and also chocolate weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Ok bye bye now
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Me: *sat in the office kitchen eating lunch, having a mini internal discussion* why did The Last of Us fuck us up so badly all over again? You've played tons of survival horror games like this, watched other media like it. It's been 10 years since you played the first video game, yet watching the first episode of the show 10 years later messed you up bad.
Brain: well, 'cause that scenario, although exaggerated, is still moderately feasible with our real life climate crisis. A stretch, yes, but COVID has made you hyper aware, overly paranoid and cautious of these "far-fetched theoreticals" not being so far-fetched or theoretical. And because, in the end, it's about people.
Me: Well, I mean...
Brain: Yes, zombies are scary, since a lot of the time it represents losing your identity and control. But, in the end, the true terror is about how awful humanity can turn in these apocalyptic scenarios, like The Walking Dead. Remember, fungus didn't kill Joel's daughter. When he ran to keep her safe...Scared people in positions of authority did.
Me:... Holy shit it's time to go home. *looks at fitbit* fuck it's only 12:50PM.
#the last of us#tlou part 1#the last of us series#tlou series#tlou#bella ramsey#pedro pascal#troy baker#ashley johnson#the last of us spoilers#tlou spoilers
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Has anyone else just been having the most frustrating start to the year or... just me? I'm also laughing at how my stupid Fitbit is like "hey, you seem stressed" bc of my resting heart rate being higher than it usually is. It also seems it stopped logging my sleep at 3am last night so apparently I astral projected?
I'm finding that a recurring theme in my life is that everything has to be an issue. Nothing is easily solved. I want it to be solved easily, without consequence, but it rarely ever goes that way. Call the police on my asshat neighbors whose large breed dog that barks excessively and escapes constantly bc their door doesn't lock. The dog was loose in the front yard, no one was home, it was barking and barking for over 45 minutes (it's 9:45pm). Police respond and animal control puts the dog back in the house, which it escaped from even though I am yelling to the guy not to do that. I have to fight them to listen to me, my neighbor comes outside and echos what I'm saying. They were expecting me to just deal with it and let them walk away. Even after they shoved the dog back in the house it was barking and barking and wouldn't stop.
My son's Spanish teacher is a being a douche and is refusing to give him any credit on an assignment he did in class that she claims he used a translator for (without proof). I've been trying to ask her politely for weeks to please provide me with reasoning why he should be penalized with a zero for something he turned in. She can not provide proof, ignores my emails. Then I escalated it to her superiors. My son told me he didn't use a translator and instead used notes from some of his friends in the class. She refuses to give him any credit despite the fact that she can offer no physical proof of his "cheating". She could also just drop the grade from his grade book entirely. Strange hill to die on, but if she wants to throw herself down on it, I can as well. I freely admit my son has earned his fair share of bad grades but penalizing someone for something they actually did do and tried on? She responded to me with some curt email initially about how he "signed a contract" in the beginning of the year and I was so annoyed by her response I told her "a minor signing a 'contract' without a guardian present to witness it is not binding & is of no consequence to me".
People truly do expect you to give up and walk away when they push back. Especially if they want to be lazy. But unfortunately, for them (AND for myself, let's be real), I have no concept of giving up on anything that I see a rightful cause so I will go to battle over it. Is it a good thing? Maybe. Maybe not. This is the way I am. It is unlikely to change any time soon.
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Just. Doctors. Bloody hell.
I have Hashimotos, which is autoimmune thyroid disease. This means I take levothyroxine to keep my thyroid hormones in the right ranges.
I'm queer. I now take testosterone for my gender hormones. Fun fact. Testosterone increases the conversion of T4 (inactive thyroid hormone) to T3 (active thyroid hormone). As we've increased my testosterone, we've had to decrease my thyroid meds. On the max dose of T, I actually went off my thyroid meds completely. Okay, great.
Well, I recently swapped to injections, so my T dose dropped again. So, we re-ran my thyroid hormones.
TSH: 5.33
Normal range: 0.45 to 4.5
Result from two months ago: 2.33
T4: 1.02
Range: 0.82 to 1.77
Previous result: 1.15
TSH is thyroid stimulating hormone. It's actually a pituitary hormone (a gland in your brain) that controls how much T4 your thyroid produces. When it's high, it means your thyroid is under producing, and the brain is saying "work harder" to keep your levels in range.
I finally got a call about my results.
Nurse: "Doctor says your levels are stable. No need to adjust your meds."
Me: "Um, my TSH is too high."
Nurse: "Her notes say it's fine. We'll redo labs in 2 months."
Me: ........... "Uh, sure. Fine."
I have no idea what the damn doctor is smoking, but my TSH more than doubling is not fucking stable. Dear fucking gods.
It's been a hell of a week, which is why I didn't fight it. Also, because I went off my meds for quite a while, I have leftovers and spare scripts that haven't been filled. So I will just go back to self managing my meds until I get into the Endo in August.
(I can figure out if my hormone levels are off by what my resting heart rate is doing. Too much thyroid and my resting HR climbs, and I'll get bouts of what feel like tachycardia {but never register as an elevated HR on the Fitbit} while just lounging around.)
#rainbow pegasus zebra shit#Hashimotos#stupid doctors#at what point do I get my honorary medical degree#seriously#why are these clowns in charge of my care?#they don't even know what they are doing#broken medical system#I'm just so done anymore
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I’ve been really good about exercising, but I can’t do that and do other things including stop and watch LA. It’s okay, I used my under desk bike a bit today. It was not enough for my FitBit which kept screaming at me every hour like, “Hey, you just over 200 steps to reach this goal for the hour” — and it was 10 til. I appreciate the confidence, FitBit, I do. But no. I had to work.
ANYWAY, I’m home tomorrow (YAY Mardi Gras!), and Pest Control is coming to spray. I don’t know when, so it makes more sense to watch the show tonight without possible interruptions.
It’s our girls! And they’re smoking! In more ways than one! The show has the realism of a superhero/action movie and now they’ve got supervillain methods for disposing of our heroes. Like, I’m sure Kensi has a fire extinguisher in her utility belt.
I’m sorry, but this gym scene has line readings that feel like a Human Resources training video interaction. I like that Fatima found her a nice guy. You get yours, girl. You get yours!
I’m with everyone who is like, “Um, did Raymond go with Sam to the dead professor’s party? And when he got kidnapped in Hawaii? And when he was on weird secret deep cover mission?” Or did the time rewind in this episode jump back too far to be before those other episodes? Are we still dealing with different multiverse realities, but now we go back and forth?
Still love that scene. I’ve watched it multiple times since the sneak came out. Sam is so mad. He wanted Callen to find peace and growth, and now that he has, Callen gets to be the emotionally intelligent one in the conversation sometimes.
I was asking questions, and got distracted. But it was really just case stuff. And Admiral Kilbride just deciding to step in randomly again. At least Callen got to give some orders. And we got to see Castor. Oh, there’s some job openings somewhere in NCIS? Is there anything for Kensi and Deeks with less fieldwork? Gotta keep those possibilities open!
Seal Team TWO? I’m guessing that’s less than ONE, but more than Seal Team THREE.
OMG! Those quick bits of ominous music after each line of delivery. If you don’t trust the gravitas of the dialogue, then write different dialogue!!!
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I started taking Lexapro for anxiety a couple weeks ago, and I honestly cannot believe the difference it has made. I feel calm (I think? this is what calm is like? not sure I’ve every experienced it before!). I slept well for three nights in a row. My heart rate is down. My fitbit is overjoyed with my sudden improvement in apparent cardio health.
I did not expect it to be this easy, and I’ve been thinking about why I didn’t do this years ago. It was so easy to talk myself out of it, to brush it off as not that bad, or dismiss it as a quirk of my personality, or something I was managing with breathing and exercise. But now that I can see the difference, I realize I wasn’t managing it well at all. There was something physical/chemical going on that was beyond my control and was making me physically ill. It’s truly eye opening.
#going to burst into part of the Crazy Ex Girlfriend soundtrack now or something#it's still early but I'm really hopeful#personal
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