god this is gross and humiliating but this was one of my weirdest binges:

x4 tortilla wraps with strawberry jam, a bowl of low fat grated cheese, a jar of nutella with raw ramen noodles, a plate of cabbage, half a box of stale cereal, a bunch of fun size chocolate bars and 2 bananas

this was a few months ago but it sticks out as gross in my mind

What’s the weirdest thing y’all binged on?

No, I am not okay, my thighs still touch

every time i purge today my newer sh wounds start bleeding again bc i only made them today and i get light headed and weak from the blood loss and now i binged and i am so weak that i can't keep purging and i'm so anxious since i just know i'm gonna get fat now

i feel like a drain on the worlds resources because i get paid disability benefits because of being autistic and having adhd but i spend a fuck ton of it just on foods for my binge-purge sessions and i feel like such a burden i just want to disappear.

me me me me but make it guitar instead of violin and basketball instead of grades

i have to lose weight and pass my exams. if i don't that means the last 6 years of pain have been for nothing. no grades. no pride in how i look. nothing. i have to lose weight so people at work don't just think i'm unfit and pathetic when i get out of breath working the same pallets as everyone else. they don't think i'm disgusting and barely worth the wages im paid. i have to lose weight to show the people around me i'm worthy of help. i have to lose weight so i know i'm worthy of help love and life. i'm not worthy of living until i lose this weight. also i have to lose weight by the time i re-learn the violin so i can be a like a fantasy forest being in a white dress playing haunting violin music and wont scare people away by how disgusting i am but how sick i look.

miss this phase

you are knee deep in the longest honeymoon phase you have ever had.

you are restricting perfectly and staying within your limit.

eating feels like a chore — you don’t even feel the need to.

fasting is effortless and the scale drops almost every day.

because you have been in control.

while i was b/p-ing the other day i was thinking about my seasonal depression and then i started getting confused about what season my seasonal depression started and when it ends and then it clicked that i just have depression lol.

i don't care.

i think at some point i got so tired of being interrupted and not listened to in any group that it's come to the point where i always have to make my opinion and thoughts known but i have no interest in anyone else's and i know that makes me an awful person but i cant fix it for some reason.

like i just don't have the energy to listen to my parents and their mundane thoughts on things, and i don't have to energy to answer my friends texts. i feel overwhelmingly guilt and it's not fair on them because they did nothing wrong but i just don't care. it scares me, because i should care, i want to care, but i just. don't?

i hate myself, im a bad person.

this is so real, it's like 24° here and i could only last 20 mins on my run cause i was so sweaty and exhausted

I fcking hate humidity. Walking to work as I do everyday but sweating buckets makes me feel soo much bigger and disgusting

this is so real, no matter how much weight i lose im still hideous. no wonder everyone thinks i'm a weirdo loser, maybe one day when i'm bones i'll be beautiful.

So tired of not being pretty.

I wish there were 0 calorie pills that tasted exactly like the food you want and contained all nutritional value. But like. They satisfy your cravings and don’t add to your weight. You know ??

i feel like a proper creep when i catch myself looking at someone bc they’re thin.. like i’m not trying to ogle them i’m just envious

wish every meal could be lunch

i feel very anxious and overwhelmed for no reason, maybe it's because i didn't workout enough but i feel like i'm on the verge of a panic attack

i have friends but no CLOSE friends anymore, yk? i feel like nobody cares enough about me to want to know me anymore than the surface level they get at sports or school, no matter how hard i try to know THEM.

i'm good enough for someone to talk to in school but not good enough for anything outside of that. funny how they all say they care until you need them and then they shrug you off. even my girlfriend seems like she's growing tired of me.

mia is my only friend now, mia and the midnight b/p sessions.

gotta love how my friends know i was meant to be recovering from an ed but they still don't question why i'm not eating! i'm not sure whether to be glad they're not pressuring me or to feel shit about how they clearly don't gaf

five minutes of exercise is better than none. one snack is better than three. 1500 cals is better than 2000.

slow progress is better than no progress.