Sanji might be a lightweight and a painfully honest drunk, but Usopp is so careless when he drinks. Not a worry in the world. Zero anxiety. He's even more dramatic than usual and dances like everybody is watching but doesn't give a fuck. And while Sanji sits in a corner, being overly emotional, he watches Usopp acting like the idiot he is. He catches a glimpse of his carefree smile and the way his cheeks are a bit red from drinking. He notices Usopp doesn't know what to do with his hands either. The way he takes Nami to dance or starts bothering Zoro without even thinking about the consequences. He doesn't look at Sanji, but the cook can't fight the dumb smile on his face when he stares at Usopp from across the deck. He hopes nobody asks, because he knows he will tell the truth if they do.
So Sanji thinks Usopp isn't watching him, but he does. He takes little glances at Sanji without him noticing. He likes the red on his whole body and the way he laughs at everything Robin says, even if it's not funny at all and just probably dark. He likes the way he holds his glass of wine, with both hands, as if somebody might take it away from him. He looks silly. Without realizing he isn't covering his laughter the way he always does and talking a bit too loud. Usopp likes this Sanji because he's honest, with himself, he means. And it's not like Usopp is going to approach him just like that, he still has some common sense even when drunk, but he lets his usual stare last longer than usual. He lets himself get lost in Sanji's eye. And somehow, on these nights, it is even brighter than usual.
At the end of the night, everybody goes to sleep, but Usopp doesn't like it. He isn't fond of his headache the second his body hits the bed and needs to sober up a little before actually trying to sleep. He isn't Zoro. Besides, Sanji is still there, curled up on the floor, in a corner of the ship, sipping on an empty wine bottle and hoping for more alcohol to come out. He looks tired and a bit nostalgic. When nobody's looking (or so he thinks) he seems... Sad. And perhaps that's what being honest with himself also means.
Usopp's shame, at this point of the night, has disappeared completely. And he still has some cocktails and beers on his body to not care about what he's doing. Especially since they're... All alone. On deck. Under the stars. He's starting to feel a bit dizzy, even if Sanji is only paying attention to the waves cradling the ship and nothing else.
With a nonchalant, quick move, before Sanji can even notice he's there, Usopp sits right next to him and rests his arm over the blond's shoulders. It doesn't perturb him in the slightest, Sanji just leans closer to him absentmindedly and Usopp feels that saying: "Hey, man." Trying to sound flirtatious has failed because his voice falters the second Sanji's head brushes his cheek. Maybe he was going for the shoulder.
But Sanji doesn't seem to notice or care about it, and Usopp's self-confidence comes back because the dizziness is enough to make him forget within seconds. Besides, Sanji seems too out of it to notice Usopp can't speak properly. His words are not connecting to his brain. Or mouth. Or maybe his brain doesn't control his throat. Whatever- He- he can't think. It's okay. Sanji is cute.
He doesn't expect the cook to have such a shitty balance, but he ends up falling on Usopp's lap, resting his head on his legs instead of his shoulders. Usopp's heart skips a beat, and it takes his breath away for a few seconds. It seems like an eternity. He's not choking, but damn, he does feel like it for a while. He probably will if he keeps staring at Sanji (drunk and red and bright and dizzy and pouting in the most adorable of ways) right on top of his legs.
The blond doesn't pay much attention to him, and Usopp guesses he might've forgotten he's the one there. But then, Sanji speaks, holding the bottle tighter to his chest and trying to squint his eyes at the hole. Perhaps that way he might be able to see the bottom of it. "Somebody- Someone- Uh- No wine."
Usopp frowns, but chuckles at the way Sanji slurs his voice. "What're you talkin' 'bout?"
And suddenly, Sanji feels like he's about to start crying. "Somebody drank my wine..."
He pouts, about to place the bottle on top of his eye. Usopp takes it away from him before he can do something stupid. "You-" He can't hold back his laughter when Sanji tries to reach out for the bottle and manages to place it to his side where Sanji can't see. He will forget about it in seconds. "You drank it."
Sanji frowns as if thinking about it, a bit offended by the statement. "I did not I- I didn't... I didn't drunk."
"Drink."
"Huh?" He makes the funniest of faces. Usopp notices his tie is messy and his aquamarine shirt is unbuttoned to the point of his collarbone being a bit visible if Usopp tries to look at it. He wants to bury his head there.
He shakes the thought away to respond. "You mean drink, you didn't-" But Sanji isn't even processing his words, because he keeps getting lost at something on top of Usopp's head. Idiot. Idiot. My idiot. He wishes. "Actually, you did drink. So. Uh- Doesn't matter."
Sanji hums under his breath and finds one loose strand of Usopp's hair that rests on his shoulder and falls on his chest. Sanji takes it in his hand and starts playing with it. He almost looks like a cat, although Usopp has always said he's more of a dog person. Maybe. In reality, Sanji isn't either of them. The guy likes rats. Fucking- Fucking rats. It's something precious to Usopp, because Sanji has only told him. Or so he said.
The sniper stares down at Sanji, who keeps getting lost between the strand of hair and the buckle of Usopp's new overalls. Tapping on the metal every now and then. It seems fun for him, so Usopp doesn't say anything. The weight of Sanji's body over him grounds him more, he figures, because he's still dizzy but he certainly can think better than Sanji. His mind might not be connecting the words correctly but... But he can think. Kind of. Better than he usually does when Sanji is around, at least.
His eyes travel to Sanji's bangs, covering his right- Left? Usopp's left. Sanji's right. He thinks. Yeah. Because the eye he can see is deep blue, and that's Sanji's left. The other one is clearer, with green undertones. He knows this because he remembers thinking it looked like seaweed once. Sanji almost hit him when he said so, but it was a compliment. Idiot.
It's a shame it's covered, he thinks, and before he can process his actions, his hand moves on his own to move the bangs out of the way. Usopp rests his hand on top of Sanji's head, staring intensely at his eyebrows. The sniper doesn't smile like he usually does, because he finds them extremely cute. This time, Sanji just looks... "You look handsome like this." Oh. Saying out loud stuff he doesn't intend to now, huh?
Sanji doesn't blush and runs away the way he would've probably done sober. Instead, he starts laughing like a lunatic, as if Usopp had told the funniest joke of the night. But it's not- He's not laughing at Usopp or even at himself. It's a smile of pure joy. It barely is a laugh, though. He's giggling. Usopp just hears it louder. Sanji's voice always resonates louder in his heart. "You look handsome every day." He says, out of breath, blushing and never looking away from Usopp.
Normally, the sniper would go into cardiac arrest for something like this. Now? He just wants to hold Sanji closer and never let go. After a few seconds of staring at each other, Sanji resumes his laughing. Usopp thinks he's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. "You're-" Suddenly, he can feel the grass under them everywhere. He wishes he could do the same with Sanji. Feel him everywhere. All the time. In his skin. Inside. His heart. "You're so regretting this tomorrow. Idiot."
Because he knows Sanji won't like it when he wakes up. The flirting. The touching. He won't do it then. He hides in between bottles of wine and starry nights. And he's painfully honest, but it's better than sober lies.
Sanji doesn't seem like he's listening to him, though, as he keeps playing with his hair. He leans his head closer to Usopp's stomach. "Did you like the cocktails?" He asks, his voice muffled by Usopp's body and one of his arms moving to hold Usopp's waist closer.
Usopp wishes he could have this every day and not whenever Luffy says it's time to party for no reason at all.
But it's nice. It's warm. Usopp can have this tonight.
He gets hold of Sanji's cheeks with only one of his hands and squeezes slightly, making him look up at his eyes. "How could I not?" And he decides to rest his palm in between Sanji's chin and neck. Sanji looks a bit lost. Usopp thinks he does too, probably. He sighs. "Everything you make is good." It's something he always says, but never in this way.
Never wanting to reach out and kiss him. Never actually considering to do so.
The cook does something he isn't expecting, though. He grins. A huge smile decorating his face. And it grows, ever so slowly, until it turns into the brightest of expressions Usopp has ever seen. Sanji's hand grips on his waist, as if he was holding back an excited scream. "Used your favorite fruits!" He turns his head to the side to kiss Usopp's palm. "I like thinkin' 'bout you when I cook."
He thinks about how easy it would be to kiss him now.
But Usopp only smiles back at him.
No amount of alcohol can take out of him the fear of Sanji pushing him away.
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Living well with your aromanticism, not despite of it, gets easier when you notice that this world wasn't made for you. You are not restricted by expectations, you don't have to follow a pre-planned course of steps to what happiness should be at; being aromantic can bring upon you the will to mold your life to whatever shape you want, because you know fully well what's expected won't fulfill you. Instead, you have the power and time to find what does.
You can live alone, unabashedly happy, surrounded by the little things that give you comfort.
You can build meaningful, long-lasting relationships that have not even a hint of romance.
You can have fleeting relations with people that make you feel good and not deepen your bond.
You can have one-night stands and leave before the morning comes if it feels right for you.
You can be present in your family or community, helping and being helped by people you trust and feel like a gift of being part of.
You can hear stories from the mouth of your companions and elders, and tell your own.
You can find beauty where people don't usually care to look at, revel in how much wonder is within you.
You can do what people usually feel like they need a romantic partner to do, without the limitations or complications one would need to fit themself around; ranging for dates to caring for children.
You can pursue hobbies, engage with art and craftsmanship, explore nature, do research, fill your days with the joy of creation all by yourself, just because you can.
The world was not built for you, but it doesn't mean it can't fill your days with joy, or that you can never belong in it. There is so much more than romance.
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WARNING: FFVII spoilers + ship talk—scroll if you want to skip, because I am simply commentating my own gaming experience & not trying to start a war in the comments
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It’s the way I’m DESPERATELY trying to play FFVII with an openness to Cloud and Aerith because I know it means so much to so many people—and yet even when I go to YouTube and watch alt versions of mandatory scenes I cannot fathom how people are missing the subtext of “Aerith knows and acknowledges Tifa is so much more than Cloud’s friend even as she wants his attention because she doesn’t know if he’s really himself, has been extremely lonely since Zack left + knows somewhere she’s going to die for herself” ☠️
Like I am 3000% for FF ships that have a lot of groundwork but aren’t primary canon, because Square is notorious for building true chemistry between people who are not ever canonically romantic (hello Phoenixflare) but…it’s getting kind of absurd to see how many people are denying the subtext of Aerith as secondary to Tifa solely because they love their ship.
Perfect example: the scene where Aerith goes up on the Nebelheim water tower (a place wholly and entirely tied to Cloud and Tifa’s ongoing relatonship) and asks Cloud about his town…only for us to get this:
As someone who just consumes media generally…the whole subtext of the scene is clearly that Aerith trying to 1) pull Cloud’s actual memories up from the mind muck he’s going through (something she and Tifa both do repeatedly) and 2) remind Cloud of the side of him that inherently has always had a whole ass crush on his childhood best friend to help jog his memory.
Sure, it reads as a cute moment between them if you want that…but if you’re paying attention to the purpose of the scene itself and what’s being said (verbally and subtextually)…it’s astronomically clear this is a Cloud x Tifa recognition delivered to the audience through a Cloud/Aerith moment…and this happens repeatedly ☠️
And then…immediately after having her be upset that she doesn’t have someone the way Cloud has Tifa, and asking to be alone? I…I just. Like it’s so hard to be here in the middle of a war about “optional scenes” when shit that happens to everyone happens just like this 😭
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