#fic: you crazy assed cosmonaut (remember your virtue) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

screechthewriter · 2 months

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you crazy-assed cosmonaut (remember your virtue) | a god of war/titanfall 2 crossover

part 4/6:

Anything could go wrong when you left home. Atreus had experienced that over and over. Sometimes, it felt like every time he and Dad left the house for a simple trip, things went sideways. War only made that worse, because they were deliberately running towards trouble, and any plans could fall apart if someone sneezed too hard. Atreus actively tried not to expect anything from a mission, good or bad.

But even this was beyond what he’d expected.

They had to unexpectedly bail out, which meant when Atreus hit the ground, he was nowhere near the drop zone. Not only that, but the door wasn’t coming off his drop pod. Atreus had never liked those things, but he didn’t want that dislike justified like this. He was able to get free of his restraints, but struggled with the door. A robot voice in the background droned on and on about his heart rate. “I know, Siri,” Atreus snapped. “I’m a little…” He settled back against his seat and rested both feet against the door. “…stressed at the moment…!”

He had been trying to avoid cutting loose and using his powers to their full extent, troll incident aside. But there was no way he was going to die stuck in this damn drop pod. Atreus took a deep breath and pushed. Metal creaked, groaned, and…

Crack.

The door popped off its hinges, letting Atreus push his way free. Unfortunately, he stepped out into absolute mayhem.

“…isn’t the drop zone…”

“Just stay together…!”

“Do we have any pilots in the area?!”

Atreus looked around. No sign of Cooper. “Jack?” Atreus called. “Jack?!”

A bullet whistling past his head forced him to duck. Atreus immediately reached into the pod for his bow. Still intact, all the arrows there. Hemlock with a decent amount of ammo, Kraber with less ammo, couple of grenades, two hand axes strapped to his leg.

He could make it work.

Atreus started with the bow, taking careful aim at the closest Reaper. His bow hadn't held any Light energy in years, decades even, but Sindri's dragon tooth trick still held. It was really useful against mechanical enemies that liked to group up. The lightning arcing between Reapers was almost hypnotic, but he didn't have time to appreciate the splendor of good old fashioned Dwarven magic craft. He had to get to the others. Fortunately, the short-circuiting gave him the cover he needed to dart away from his pod and to his fellow Militia members. "Have you seen Private Cooper?" he asked.

"Good luck finding anyone out here," replied the sergeant. It seemed like he was the highest ranking person out there. "I don't even know where we're regrouping."

Awesome.

Atreus swapped out the bow for the Kraber, wanting to preserve as many arrows as he could for as long as possible. Just hold them back. Hold them back until you're told otherwise.

If you knew where you hit, Reaper's heads came off pretty easily. He counted his shots as he went. Six shots with the extended magazine. Crack. One. Crack. Two. Crack. Third shot hit the chest, but that was fine; .50 caliber ammo punched a hole through a lot of things, Reapers included.

Crack. Four. At least Reapers didn't feel pain.

Crack. Five. He couldn't say the same thing about humans, so...

Crack. Six. Make sure you do it the first shot. Even from this distance, he could practically taste the blood in the air.

Or maybe that was from someone on his side. Hard to tell in all this chaos.

"Reloading," he said instinctively, ducking back behind cover. He'd switch to the Hemlock once he took out the last handful of long-distance threats...he’d have to keep an eye out for the heavy sniper ammo, he could only carry so much at a time...his mind was racing, the familiarity of combat clashing with the sheer amount of variables a war like this threw at him.

At least it’s not a dragon, he thought a tiny bit hysterically.

There were three more long-distance targets; he took them out in quick succession before switching to the Hemlock. Fewer shots in the clip than the Flatline, but it being semi-automatic removed the urge to just keep a finger on the trigger. If you can’t do it in one or two shots, don’t do it at all. Only as much force as necessary. The thought echoed in his head after each three-shot burst. Only as much force as necessary.

Only as much force as necessary.

Only –

“C’mon!”

Atreus snapped out of it. They’d thinned out the IMC forces there. Time to run. He took off after the others, scanning their surroundings, only letting his gaze linger on any dead Militia long enough to confirm…

Then again, it was difficult to tell people apart when they were lying dead in the mud like that.

Funny; dead bodies never really bothered him before. He'd seen so many of them growing up in his little part of the world, the realm he still thought of as Midgard even though it had been divided up into countries with new names and evolving cultures (Denmark, Sweden, Norway). People died, all the time, and with the Desolation sweeping through, there wasn't really anyone to bury them. But now? The same sight, or a similar enough sight, chilled him.

Maybe it was because they were freshly dead, some not even visibly injured, looking as if they could stand up and walk away any second now.

Maybe it was because, back then, he hadn't been scanning the faces for any sign of a friend.

Atreus shook the thought off and kept moving.

The sergeant was still trying to figure out where in the hell they were supposed to meet up, leaving the rest of the grunts to follow and keep their heads on a swivel. Atreus didn't realize he'd put away the Hemlock and drawn one of his axes until one of the others pointed it out. "It's meant to be thrown," Atreus noted absentmindedly. He was trying to listen--not just for footsteps, but to any creatures that came through. Most of the local fauna had fled, save for a handful of predators and scavengers who saw the chance for easy pickings, but what was left could give him an advance warning of approaching threats. "Don't worry, my aim is pretty good."

"...they spring you out of a nut house to get you to join, Kokinos?"

Atreus forced a laugh. "Nah, I'm just built different." Definitely never heard that before, definitely doesn’t feel hurtful…

A whisper made its way across the breeze—smaller creatures running through the underbrush, ears twitching, talking about the incoming two-legged creatures. Atreus froze and listened harder. The creatures (whatever they were) didn’t have the best eyesight, so determining whose side those two-leggeds were on wasn’t easy…

“Kokinos?”

“Shh.”

They were coming from the southwest, and moving pretty quickly. Atreus tried to hear them instead, but even with his senses being a bit heightened compared to his fellows, there was too much background noise. But…

“Incoming. Southwest.”

No one questioned it, fortunately. They were too hyped up and worried about getting ambushed to ask questions. Atreus didn’t draw his Hemlock; he kept the axe in his hand, feeling the grip going cold under his fingers. He was usually wary about using the axes to their full potential—it was a lot harder to answer for than the bow—but today, it felt like a matter of life or death.

Breathe. Breathe. No more force than necessary. No more…

The first of the figures emerged from the underbrush. IMC. Definitely IMC.

"Shit - !"

Saying that he blacked out wouldn't be accurate. But there was a bit of a gap between his fellows noticing those were IMC and oh, one of my axes is in that guy's face that Atreus couldn't account for. The only thing that stopped him from bull-rushing them was the awareness that he’d just get caught in the crossfire if he did. He did draw his second axe, but only to throw it into someone who had gotten a bit too close. He drew his Hemlock next. Dropped one. Dropped another.

Silence settled over the forest. Atreus could hear the raspy gurgles of someone’s last breaths. His second axe had hit someone in the neck; by the time he reached them, they were gone.

“Shit,” muttered another rifleman. He was standing next to the first person to get the axe, staring at it with barely-contained shock in his eyes. “Remind me not to piss you off.”

Atreus shrugged and pulled the second axe free. “Don’t worry. I avoid friendly fire.” He walked to the first person to fall, and pulled the axe free from his face. He saw the other Rifleman flinch visibly. “We should keep moving. There’ll probably be more coming.”

No one argued the point.

You are in your head, boy, said Father’s voice in his head as they kept moving.

I know, Atreus thought back, despite himself. It wasn't guilt over having killed someone, not like it had been the first time he heard Father say that. He'd gotten used to self-defense killing a long time ago. He had even more or less gotten used to warfare. But something about today…

It was the danger of it all. The taste of blood in the air. Fear for a friend, and the things that fear could drive someone to do. It lit something in his spirit that didn't usually come out. He wasn't his father, but he was his father's son, and even if their "domains" so to speak had very little overlap, even if they weren't the gods they had once thought…

The union of lightning and summer leaves was fire. And oh, how Loki burned sometimes.

But he couldn’t do that, because he had promised to be better, and he wasn’t looking to show the whole world what he was. So he tried to breathe.

Tried to swallow it back.

It was harder than he thought it would be.

Eventually, they met up with another group and stopped to figure things out. Or, at least, to let the officers figure it out. Atreus normally would’ve butted in, but he was still feeling in his head and just didn’t have it in him to try and argue with officers. Instead, he focused on finding good branches for arrows. They wouldn’t be perfect, but something told him he was going to need more. Ammo was running low in general, and he definitely wanted to save the Kraber shots for emergencies.

Back to basics, he thought as he examined a branch. At least the trees out here are strong. It almost reminded him of home. Familiar but not all at once. A lot of forests felt the same, to be fair. Trees were trees, predators were predators, prey were prey. War was war.

I wish Dad were here.

"Have any of you seen Private Cooper?" he asked one of the other Rifleman from the second group.

"No, sorry," said the Rifleman. "I think they're trying to get a roster of who's still kicking but communications are scrambled, pretty much anything further than medium range risks getting intercepted...you know how it is."

"Yeah." FUBAR, he was pretty sure the acronym was. He'd say SNAFU, but there was too much fucked up and not enough situation normal for that one. “So I take it you don’t know what we’re going to do?”

“Follow Sarge and hope we find someone who knows what’s going on?”

Great.

That wasn’t something Atreus would usually be on board with, but it also seemed like his best bet for finding Cooper. This was a decently sized planet, and as good a tracker as he was, he had nothing to work with. All he could do was hope this whole mess worked itself out.

Just stay alive, Jack. I’m coming for you. I promise. While he was at it, he sent a brief plea to his ancestors. I know he isn’t one of us, but whatever help you can spare him, please…

At least he knew Mom would probably listen. He hadn’t been lying when he told Cooper she’d like him.

Unfortunately, the day did not improve. It was just a lot of running, dodging and weaving, avoiding the IMC and eventually linking up with another larger group. Atreus wasn’t sure what was going on, especially not when news of a superweapon hit. He only knew that he still hadn’t seen Jack. Had no news of him. The anxiety over his missing friend made him feel like he was going to vibrate, and the sights and sounds of war didn’t help.

In short, by the time he and the other grunts were pulled off the planet, it had gone from a long day to one of the longest days of his very long life. And the fact that it ended with half the planet being blown up only made things worse.

But then...

“Kokinos, you’re not gonna fucking believe this.”

Saying that he didn’t believe it would be a stretch. What Atreus was told as the other Rifleman led him back to the hanger bay sounded like things Cooper was capable of handling. But it was also a series of absolutely insane events that would normally never happen to a guy like him. If Atreus’s day had been long, Cooper’s must have lasted lifetimes.

And yet there he was, standing in the hanger, surrounded by people congratulating him, wearing all the gear of a pilot, and very much alive.

Atreus was so fixated on the fact that Cooper had lived, that he hadn’t lost the one friend he’d managed to make in this whole mess, that he almost missed the look on Cooper’s face. When he did notice, it felt like his heart stopped again, for completely different reasons. There was a smile on Cooper's face, sure, but it was fake, plastered there by panic. His hands were clutching the straps of his gear, the white-knuckle grip hidden by gloves, and he flinched every time someone got too close.

Oh, no, I have to get him out of here.

"Well, shit, he lives!" Pushing to the front of the crowd was easy; benefits of usually being the tallest person in the room. "Damn good to see you, buddy!"

Atreus already suspected it was bad. He knew it was worse than that when Cooper didn't reply. He just stared with that same wide, frantic look in his eyes. "Hey, listen, guys, I know he's the big man on board right now, but why don't we give him some air, huh?" Atreus hated touching Cooper right then, but he had to if he wanted to get them out. He kept it low contact--one hand on the shoulder, grip not too firm, only the gentlest of pushes to get him through the crowd. "He probably hasn't even slept since we dropped."

No one questioned him or tried to stop him, outside of a few people giving final congratulations as they walked past. Atreus waited until they were free of the crowd before he started speed-walking, whispering a single word—Falið, hidden—to try and keep them out of everyone's perceptions. "Just hold it together for a minute, okay?" he added to Cooper. "I'm getting you out of here."

"...hmm." Cooper had stopped smiling. Now he really looked like he was going to claw his skin off. "Yeah."

To his credit, Cooper kept it together until they were alone. "Okay, what do you need?" Atreus stood in front of Cooper and held out both hands. "We can do yes or no questions if you're not…"

Cooper started sobbing.

Oh, shit. It was bad, then. Atreus reigned in his urge to hug, not sure if that would set Cooper off worse, instead sitting down next to his friend as he sank to the ground curled up on himself, body shaking with sobs. “I’m here,” Atreus said quietly. “I’m here.”

Cooper leaned against him, but said nothing.

It was then, as they sat there in an isolated corner of the ship, that the real weight of the day hit him. The realization of how bad things had gone. How many people had died today? How many deaths could have been avoided, if the IMC had just been willing to negotiate instead of being trapped by their greed? It’s not fair, he thought. That was the same thought that had made him join the Militia in the first place. This time, though, it weighed on him with sorrow and pain, not anger.

War is never fair, boy, replied the memory of his father’s voice.

Atreus had thought he understood, but he was starting to realize, once again, how little he actually understood.

Eventually, Cooper’s sobs calmed down, replaced by a heavy silence. Eventually Cooper spoke, his voice dull and thick with tears. “Lastimosa’s gone.”

Oh. “I’m sorry,” Atreus said quietly.

He had a feeling there was more to it than that, but he wasn’t going to push things. If that was all Cooper had the energy to say, that was all he had the energy to say. Atreus could wait to hear the whole story. And, on a purely selfish level, he wasn’t sure how much heartbreak he could face today.

Atreus let Cooper hold onto his arm. As they sat together, Atreus started humming quietly, the same tune his mother used to hum to him whenever he was sick and couldn’t sleep. He tried to imagine her sitting there with them both, her presence gentle and soothing.

He prayed for the strength to help his friend, and the strength to make it through himself.

Atreus learned the rest of what happened slowly--about Captain Lastimosa and BT-7274, about the field promotion, the struggles and terror that came after, losing both of them within such a short time span. "I'd be screwed if you were gone, too," Cooper finished dully. They were waiting in the med bay for some test results to come back. Cooper had refused to go in there without Atreus, and Atreus wouldn't have let him go in alone anyway. "Seriously. You're not allowed to die now."

"Right back at you." Atreus didn't know he could feel so exhausted. He could only imagine how much worse it was for Cooper. "I'm sorry…"

Cooper shook his head. "Not your fault. Nothing you could've done." After some hesitation, he added, "I mean...that makes it kind of worse, though, I guess."

Atreus knew what he meant. Helplessness could cut deeper than failure. He'd felt it before. At least most of the time when you failed, you could reassure yourself that you'd done your best. That you'd tried, and had some level of control in the situation. It did occur to him that Cooper may have been wrong--that maybe there was something Atreiis could have done, had he just been there--but there had been so many things beyond his control in the lead-up. Things he couldn't have predicted or averted.

Still. It was the damn troll all over again.

"Is the SRS keeping you on?" Atreus asked, trying to distract the both of them. "It's the least they could do after you saved everyone's asses."

"I think so. I just don't know if…" Cooper hesitated, then rubbed his eyes. "I don't know if I want another Titan. I don't know if I can...not after…"

Atreus nodded sympathetically. He might not have understood completely what Cooper was going through, but he could grasp the sentiment. At the very least, he knew a thing or two about loss himself. “I get it. He was your partner. That’s going to take time. I’m sure they’ll respect that.”

Cooper rubbed his eyes. “Yeah, I think so. We’re going back to Harmony, last I heard. Maybe...maybe I’ll be okay with it later.” He didn’t sound sure of that—more like he was trying to convince himself. “Looking forward to getting some real sleep.”

“Me, too.” Sleep on a planet, too. Atreus had never been to Harmony. He and Dad just tended to stick to less established planets, places like the Outlands or its borders. The kind of places here people weren’t really looking for guys like them.

Honestly, Atreus kind of missed the isolation. Hopefully Harmony had some areas that weren’t so developed.

“Jack Cooper?”

Cooper looked up, then looked at Atreus. Atreus gave him an encouraging smile. “I’ll wait right here for you,” he promised. “And we can get some sleep afterwards, yeah?”

Atreus waited until Cooper was out of sight before he let the smile drop and leaned forward, elbows on his knees, face buried in his hands, still deeply exhausted. He was starting to get how his father--a veritable mountain of a man, the unbeatable and unkillable “god of war”--could look so tired all the time. He missed him. More than anything, he missed his dad.

You'd know what to do if you were here.

So would Mimir. So would Mom. At least with them he'd lost them due to circumstances beyond his control. With Dad...he'd chosen to walk away. Sure, he’d every intention of getting back in contact, eventually, but one thing lead to another and Dad moved on from where they'd been living before (probably because of the war)…

Now he was alone. His fault.

Atreus forced himself to take a deep breath. His chest was starting to feel tight. He knew that feeling and he knew it could only make things worse. He had to be present, for Cooper if not for his own mental health. Not stuck in his own head and beating himself up.

He breathed slowly. He tried to stay calm.

He waited.

Cooper, fortunately, wasn’t gone too long. He didn’t look worse when he came back to the waiting room; between that and the little thumb’s up he gave, Atreus assumed that he wasn’t about to drop dead any time soon. “Don’t suppose you can get me out of here without us running into too many people?” Cooper said. “I know they’ll probably want me to do a briefing at some point, but…”

“Way ahead of you.” Atreus could just coast by on magic alone, but that would raise too many questions. So, he stuck to the lesser-known parts of the ship, as many side hallways as he could, with only a little sparkling of magic to help keep them really out of everyone’s eyes. Wasn’t too long before they were back in the sleeping quarters. Fortunately, they’d been able to get a room together when they transferred onto the ship; meant that they didn’t have to worry about someone random hanging out in the room.

Then again, if Cooper had a room mate who wasn’t Atreus, he could’ve been dead by now.

Cooper immediately sat down on his bed, slouched in a way that said that getting his gear off might not happen. Atreus barely managed to get his own shoes and gear off before climbing into the top bunk. “If anyone calls me, I’m not here,” Cooper muttered. “The Ark sent me to another dimension, where I’m napping.”

Atreus laughed quietly. “No one’s getting through that door. I don’t care if it’s Graves himself. Sleep, okay? You need it.”

“Hmm.”

Eventually, Atreus heard the sound of boots and heavy gear hitting the floor. Cooper’s breathing went quiet and steady not long after.

Atreus thought he would fall asleep quickly himself, but he didn’t. He lay in his bunk, staring up at the ceiling for far too long. Eventually, he quietly climbed back down the bed to grab his knife. The knife his father gave him.

I wish you were here.

It was only when the knife was with him, within reach, that Atreus was finally able to fall asleep.

#fic: you crazy assed cosmonaut (remember your virtue)#series: hammer of the gods (will drive our ships to new lands)#war cw #violence cw #loss cw #grief cw #god of war #titanfall 2 #respawn cinematic universe

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trancylovecraft · 10 months

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(KNY) YANDERE PLATONIC! KOKUSHIBO x SISTER READER: You, Shibou. I, Kokoro (CHAPTER TWO)

Previous Chapter ☆♡☆ Masterlist ☆♡☆ Next Chapter

AO3 link

CHAPTER TWO: "You crazy-ass cosmonaut, Remember your virtue, Redemption lies plainly in truth"

(IMPORTANT NOTE): So, Decided to turn this into a whole ahh fic. Anyways, This takes place in my SLAYER+ AU. Which is something I haven't talked about but the general jist is that it expands the story of Demon Slayer

So if anything in her seems a little bit off its either because its apart of SLAYER+ or I've just made a mistake.

Thank you!

Impostor syndrome is an internalised thought process which make people doubt their standing or achievements, Believing themselves to be undeserving of praise.

This can make the person in question believe that they are not as great as they are portraying. This syndrome often comes hand in hand with other disorders such as Depression.

Cut, Slice, Stab, Pierce!

The blade's movements flowed through the air and struck like lightning against the demons neck.

It wasn't even aware it was defeated until its head hit the ground.

Bouncing once, Then twice until it rolled away like a running coin.

The demon's head came to a halt. The soft sun rays of the oncoming sunrise started to sizzle at it's skin, Making the edges burn away into fading ashes.

The words he wished to say died on his tongue, Watching as the man only a few feet away from him sheathe his sword and exhale once through his mouth.

It was like the slayer didn't even make any effort to kill him, Like he was just doing another chore.

The demon's mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water, Trying to find the syllables to say yet the only sound he could produce was only a single vowel.

"H-How..?" He choked out. The sun started to reach his face now, Ashes scorching out and fading in a blitz.

The slayer said nothing, He only turned back to the demon. His eyes shown through the small rifts on his mask, The vivid colour looking back at the demon with.. Nothing.

There wasn't any emotion shining behind his eyes, Not like any other of the demon slayers he had faced before eating them.

Disgust, Pity, Resentment.. None of that was present. Not a burning hatred or a disgust for his kind. Instead he seemed tired, Exhausted even.

The last thing the demon saw before burning up completely was the slayer turning back around, Walking off towards the sun.

Then, His remains dissolved entirely, Fading back into the world from where he came from.

Just like all the others.

☆♡☆

The bowl of udon sat uneaten on the table.

[F/N] held a single chopstick in his hand. He circled it around in the bowl, Watching as the contents rippled around like koi in a pond. By now, The noodles and toppings had cooled down, Being now only lukewarm.

[F/N] stared dead into the bowl, Seemingly enraptured by the movements.

It was early in the morning. [F/N] had been called by the crow and arrived at the swordsmith's village only half an hour after sunrise, Yet it was too late. By the time he got there the battle was already won.

It was an Uppermoon attack, Reportedly both five and four were attacking the village. Except from the Entertainment District incident this was the first time an Uppermoon was seen and actually killed in over one hundred years.

If he didn't take a detour to slay a nearby demon he would of gotten there in time to fight the two. [F/N] chided himself for his stupidity.

"Hey.. You're making that face again.."

[F/N] snapped his head up to look across the table.

Mitsuri Kanroji, The Love Hashira, Sat looking at [F/N] from across the table. She had a look of concern on her face, At least as much concern she could show with a clump of noodles stuffed in her mouth.

Mitsuri, One of the combatants in the fight went up against number four and survived. After winning the fight she had decided it was only right to celebrate with a feast. [F/N], Who was already there at the village was invited to join her.

[F/N] accepted, It was convenient. A way to break the news easily.

"What look?" [F/N] asked. The eyes on his kitsune mask widened with the movements below.

"The face-mask thingy.. The one where you look like you despise your food personally.." Mitsuri explained using several vague hand movements to gesture to [F/N]'s face. "How'd you even eat with that thing on anyways?" She added.

"Oh.. Right." [F/N] mumbled.

Moving his hands up to the leather straps reaching behind his head. Unclasping the clip at the back with precision he placed the mask on the table besides his sword, And suddenly he became a she.

The previous build of a strong athletic man had dissolved into the smaller frame of a young woman in her early twenties. The sleeveless slayer uniform and dragon-patterned haori that fit perfectly before had suddenly became oversized, As if she was wearing a rather large blanket.

"Kyah~! No matter how many time's I see it, It doesn't get any less cool!" Mitsuri gushed. The ghost of a smile graced [F/N]'s face and shook her head, It seemed like Mitsuri was back to her normal self.

"..But even though it was cool, It's not gonna get you out of telling me what's wrong" Mitsuri tutted. Shoving another shrimp kebab into her mouth from the dozens of plates beside her, A mountain compared to [F/N]'s anthill of a bowl.

"Really? Nothing does get past you, Does it?" [F/N] mumbled, Trying to gather her thoughts while catching her breath at the hit of sudden weakness.

"Nope! Now spill. You know you can tell me anything right?" Mitsuri said. She set down her fresh plate of food, Her attention now set fully on the woman in front of her.

[F/N] felt her lip quirk, A sudden anxiety chilling her.

"I.. I guess I was just worried about you, 'Tsuri. Are you sure you're okay? A battle with an Uppermoon is no joke, You know?" [F/N] worried, Checking over her form to check for any wounds or bruises.

It wasn't a lie, [F/N] was worried about Mitsuri. She was her closest companion, The woman she could call her best friend yet [F/N] supposed that was why it was so hard to tell her the real truth.

Mitsuri hummed for a second.

"..Of course I'm okay.. Though I do have to admit the fight did give me a run for my money, And you should of seen the mouth on that demon boy!" Mitsuri exclaimed, Recalling the early details of the battle.

"Really? What'd he say to you?" [F/N] asked.

"He called me a tramp! Can you believe that? I've never heard such foul language come out of anyone, Demon or Human!" Mitsuri exasperated. The usual dramatic tone she always wore was present in her voice, Good. [F/N] could confirm she was alright, Atleast in mind.

"Anyways, I swear! If I wasn't strong enough to survive that blast or my if my breathing style wasn't as fast as it is: I would've been a goner." She concluded, Shaking her head.

"I'm glad you're alright, I'm just sorry I wasn't there to help you" [F/N] replied, Sombreness lacing an undertone of her voice.

"Don't worry about it, I surv- WAIT! What I said just reminded me, I forgot to tell you!" Mitsuri squawked, Suddenly jumping up in her seat.

"Hm?" [F/N] lowered a brow, Prompting her to continue.

"Do you remember those Kamado kids? Tanjiro and Nezuko, Doesn't ring a bell?" Mitsuri questioned.

"Erm.. Who?" [F/N] asked in return.

"You don't remember them? The boy with the checkered haori, The absolutely adorable little demon girl?" Mitsuri squealed as if she was a mother gushing over her children's achievements, Fanning her face to cool down her ever-present blush.

[F/N] hummed and searched through the archive of her memory.

"Nope, Don't think I've met them." [F/N] concluded, Her mind drawing a blank.

"Wait. You showed up late to the meeting right?" Mitsuri snapped her fingers, Suddenly recalling.

"..Yep. If you mean the outside portion then yeah, Missed it." [F/N] said nonchalantly, Finally taking a clump of noodles and moving it up to her mouth.

"Ah, Right. That makes sense then. You should really keep better track of time, [F/N]" Mitsuri scolded lightly, Taking another bite of food. "Anyways, I've decided to send them your way!"

[F/N] paused. The cluster of noodles inches from her lips stopped mid-way through Mitsuri's sentence.

"..What?" [F/N] queried, Lowering the noodles. Maybe she had misheard. Mitsuri quirked a lip.

"Erm.. I decided to send them your way..? The boy, Tanjiro has this special breathing technique… And since you've got the most expertise on breathing styles I kind kind of.. Sent him your way?" Mitsuri said slowly, Trying to pique what kind of reaction [F/N] would have.

She watched as [F/N]'s face morphed into a kind of blank stare, The same one she had while glaring at her soup.

Mitsuri let out a small squeak, Waving her hands about.

"I-I didn't really mean to! It just kind of came up in conversation and I kind of let slip that you might have some information since you've helped others before on this stuff- And.. And he just kind of decided to find you- I didn't know you were coming here so he's already on his way to the Kakushi Base, I'm really sor-" Mitsuri's babbling came to a halt at the feeling of a hand gripping hers, Stopping its movement.

[F/N] sighed lightly and looked back at Mitsuri with a small smile.

"It's fine, 'Tsuri. You don't need to explain yourself, It's just.." [F/N]'s small smile dropped.

[F/N] knew that she needed to tell her eventually, If she didn't get it over with it now then it would be more difficult later on. [F/N] just prayed she'd understand.

"I didn't just come here to celebrate your victory.. I.. I need to tell you something" [F/N] started. Her [E/C] irises met the lime green hue's of Mitsuri's. She stared into them trying to gather up the confidence while Mitsuri only stared back with a concerned gaze as she picked up her chopsticks.

Setting her hands on her lap, She took a deep breath.

"I'm retiring."

Mitsuri dropped the chopsticks.

They fell back onto the plate, The resounding clack! seemed so much louder than it did before as it echoed around the room.

"W-What.. Come again?" Mitsuri stumbled on her words, She was in shock as her shoulders tensed up. The surprised reached her face, Disbelief in her eyes and her jaw slack open.

"I'm retiring, 'Tsuri." [F/N] repeated, Confirming her words to Mitsuri. The silence was deafening.

Suddenly two hands gripped onto [F/N]'s shoulders from across the table, Almost pulling her over.

"What?! Did you get hurt? Did someone die? What happened? You can tell me you know, I won't say a word to anyone!" Mitsuri exclaimed, Shaking [F/N] by the shoulders from across the table.

"Aah! Nothing happened to me, Tsuri! I'm fine!" [F/N] blurted out, Still being shaken around.

Mitsuri lifted her hands off from [F/N]'s shoulders, Yet it wasn't a relief as Mitsuri got up from her seat. [F/N] following close behind her as they met face to face.

"Then what, [F/N]? If you're not hurt or anything then why?" Mitsuri questioned, Her pitch lowering down to a low plead as she got closer to [F/N], Gripping her hand tight.

[F/N] raised their entwined hands, Putting her other hand over Mitsuri's.

"Listen, This isn't something I'm doing on a dime, Okay? I've been thinking about this for a long while now.." [F/N] said.

"Since when?" Mitsuri prodded.

"Since Tengen's retirement.. Since Rengoku's death. It's been on my mind for a long time, And I just think it's time." [F/N] explained. Her voice stung at Mitsuri like a live wire, It sounded strained like something was blocking up her throat.

Mitsuri squeezed [F/N]'s hand tighter.

"[F/N], I can't understand but you need to be with us in the Hashira right now.. We still haven't found a replacement for Rengoku or Tengen. You of all of us can't quit, Not you." Mitsuri argued going closer to [F/N]

"Out of all of us in the Hashira it's you who is the strongest out of all of us, You even beat Gyomei in that department. Do you even remember what you did?" Mitsuri continued.

[F/N] frowned hearing Mitsuri's declarations of grandeur towards her. She looked away, Either in shame or embarrassment she didn't know.

"You're the Soul Hashira, [F/N]! You're the slayer who killed a thousand demons in a year, All on your own. Do you understand the weight of that?" Mitsuri announced.

[F/N] Fujimori, The Soul Hashira. She was the woman who killed one thousand demons in a year, A feat done by no other in recorded history. A feat so big that lower members of the demon slayer corps even doubted she existed, Something only possible by both her reclusive nature and her actual appearance during the day.

The mask. A rather old looking porcelain kitsune mask with black and blue markings, It was a trinket [F/N] had acquired long ago. It had a rather unique effect where whenever [F/N] placed it on her face, She could suddenly change her appearance at will.

She didn't understand it nor did she ever know how it worked but she decided like the vast majority of things that it was better to not look a gift horse in the mouth, A sentiment she had carried ever since childhood.

So, Using it to her advantage [F/N] made herself into the peak version she could be, Or he to be more accurate. An athletic masculine body, More muscle mass than a normal person yet only enough so that it didn't weigh down her movements, Making her both strong and agile in a fight.

It was the entire reason she was able to achieve the title of "Strongest Hashira". That and along with the countless hours of training and meditation, That is.

"Mitsuri.. I understand who I am alright? I know who I am and it doesn't matter to me, It never has. Neither my strength or title.. Even if I did change my mind about this I've already sent my resignation letter to Oyataka-sama, He should be receiving it by tonight.." [F/N] started. The look of determination and finality on her face as she stared Mitsuri straight into the eyes.

"I just.. I feel like my time as a Hashira has ran it's course. After I leave I'm sure Gyomei will be just fine in taking my title.. All my life I've been giving my life and serving other people, I think it's time that I be selfish for once in my life and retire like I should." [F/N] finished, Her stance wide and steady, Unshaken from Mitsuri's argument.

Mitsuri looked at her, The final part of her sentence made her frown once again.

She reached out a hand and placed it firm on her shoulder.

"[F/N].. Is this about him?" Mitsuri whispered, A rare frown painting her face as she looked deep into [F/N]'s eyes for the answer.

[F/N] pried her eyes away from her, Trying to find anywhere except her to look at. Her jaw trembled, Only slightly.

"It is, Isn't it..?" Mitsuri continued quietly.

"Shizuko will be fine without me, Mitsuri!" [F/N] said, Whipping her head back round to face The Love Pillar with a sudden angry tone, Like a nerve had been struck.

Though, Her anger dissipated once she seen the taken aback appearance of Mitsuri.

"I.. Sorry, 'Tsuri. You know I didn't mean that.." [F/N] said, Mimicking Mitsuri's movements by resting her hands on Mitsuri's shoulders.

"No, I shouldn't of brought it up like that.. I'm just surprised, Okay?" She consoled.

[F/N] sighed.

"It's just you're acting like this will be the last time we'll see each other. That's not true, 'Tsuri.. You don't need to worry about me.." [F/N] said quietly, The argument before now mellowed into a discussion.

Mitsuri shook her head.

"We joined together as slayers and fought with each other, I just thought one day we'd both leave together. Like we always have." Mitsuri explained. The onset of tears forming in her eyes were quickly wiped away by [F/N], Who walked over to the food table and picked up two cups of sake, Holding one towards her to which Mitsuri took hesitantly.

"I know, 'Tsuri.. Even though I won't be a slayer tomorrow, I trust that you'll be there for Shizuko, Okay? But tonight I am still a slayer, So please. While this is our last meal as comrades this isn't our last meal as companions. So for the last few hours I'm still on payroll, Let's enjoy tonight." [F/N] said.

Holding her cup of sake up to Mitsuri who smiled at the gesture.

The clinking of the cups signalled the festivities. As celebration Mitsuri had called for more rounds of food, As much as she could imagine (Which was a lot). While [F/N] had called for another few bottles of their strongest sake.

By the time they were done the sun was about to set over the horizon. The crystal clear cerulean had long faded into burnt tangerine skies, Soon to fade into a star-speckled ebony night.

[F/N] had changed into a suitable kimono and her signature haori at this point, Her mask carried in a leather pouch and the large medieval sword hauled on her back with surprising ease.

Mitsuri and [F/N] had walked out past the remains of the village, Their celebration being both of the victory, [F/N]'s retirement, And a final farewell to the memories made inside the houses.

They got past the villagers cleaning up the rubble and packing up their things, Mitsuri stopping and thanking them for their help on their way, Hand in hand with [F/N]. They had called for a carriage to be sent which arrived soon enough, One of the rich tokyo-centered one's for rent coming right down the path being pulled by horses.

"Well then, This is my ride then.." [F/N] concluded as she was greeted by the driver, Who bowed once then helped her up onto the footrail of the vehicle. She looked back at Mitsuri with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes, Her hand slipping from Mitsuri's hold.

"I'll see you soon, 'Tsuri" [F/N] said her farewells as she turned around and opened the carriage door, Stepping in.

But suddenly, [F/N] felt herself tugged back by the hand.

She turned around to face Mitsuri, Who seemed just as surprised as [F/N] was at the sudden contact.

"Ah! Sorry, My bad. I didn't mean to do that, Apologies..!" Mitsuri half-heartedly giggled. [F/N] returned it with a curt nod.

"Don't sweat it." [F/N] said, Stepping fully inside the carriage now. However, Mitsuri called out to her.

"Just.. When you get to the Kakushi Base, Don't do anything extreme, Alright?" Mitsuri said with a smile. Yet [F/N] could tell there was something more to it, Something that was just out of reach of [F/N]'s hold.

Instead she returned the smile.

"Of course, Nothing extreme." [F/N] said, Waving her off as the driver closed the door, And with a whip of the reigns the horses took off. Eventually, Mitsuri along with the village grew smaller and smaller, Until they weren't visible at all.

[F/N] laid her head against the glass that was rattling along with the carriages movements along the dirt road. But despite it, Either due to exhaustion or the amount of sake she had drunken, Found it rather easy to go to sleep.

As she felt her remaining consciousness slip away her eyes closed, Embracing the darkness until the blizzard faded into view.

☆♡☆

The sounds of heavy footsteps echoed around the ever-changing space of the Infinity castle.

The reverberation of biwa strings and far-off chatter could be heard from far away, Bouncing off the moving shoji-walls and polished wood floorings. The place smelled like fresh sawdust to the point that it left a lasting impression on the scent of anyone coming in or out.

The dim lighting of the paper lamps and candles alit barely gave any lighting to the movement of the two demon's making their way to the centre of the castle.

The larger of the footsteps strode in front, The other lighter pair trailed along behind the larger pair.

All of Kokushibo's eyes were put dead forward, Set on the task ahead of him. His nagagi kimono wove lightly in the short breeze travelling through the cavern of rooms along with his ponytail swaying with it.

Kaigaku sheepishly trailed behind him from a fair enough distance, His eyes were focused fully on the demon in front of him.

They both had been summoned by Nakime, Assumedly along with the other Uppermoons or at least what was left of them. This was the second time in the same week they were called to the infinity castle and Kokushibo already had a suspicion to why.

Kaigaku however, Hadn't gotten a clue.

"Master.. M-May I ask why is it we have been summoned here today?" Kaigaku stuttered out, Fidgeting with his hands as he eagerly waited on his mentor's answer.

Kaigaku, The newest upper rank after the siblings perished and having the honour of baring the title of Kokushibo's Tsuguko. Of course, The title of Tsuguko suggested that Kaigaku would take over from Kokushibo one day, Which was a complete misnomer.

Kaigaku, Despite being a previous breath wielder with potential had absolutely no chance of passing Kokushibo in power.

He wouldn't dare to anyways, He could barely keep himself together in front of him. Challenging Kokushibo for his spot at number one was simply unthinkable.

"Keep your voice low.. You'll find out.. When we get there" Kokushibo hissed, Keeping his eyes in front of him as he spoke out in a deep, Raspy sort of voice.

Kokushibo could see Kaigaku flinch from the corner of his eyes, A chill running down him at the sound of his voice. Kokushibo hummed. Good, He knew his place.

Eventually they reached the centre of the infinity castle, Looking over the clearing.

The faraway chatter had turned out to be arguing. Douma seemed to be pestering Akaza as usual. Douma seeing a friendly bonding exercise with his subordinates while Akaza only saw it as a taunt, Which was most likely the truth.

"Akaza-dono! Why'd you have to be so cold with me, It's been so long since I've seen you after all!" Douma drawled, A grin plastered wide onto his face like a salesman as he placed another hand onto his shoulder.

Akaza's actions spoke more than his words as a single fist shot up, And in a burst of blood and tendons Douma's arm tore from its socket, Falling helplessly to the ground.

However this only made Douma grin wider, As the limb regrew almost as soon as it was severed.

"It's only been a day, Keep your hand off of me." Akaza said through gritted teeth, Taking a few strides away from Douma.

"Ah! No need to get so offensive now. I guess I've just missed you all so much that it just felt like days! Weeks.. Month even!" Douma mused with a dramatic exclaim, Snapping his fingers together as he watched Akaza walk away.

"Whatever.. Nakime!" Akaza called out, Turning the the woman tuning her biwa only a few feet away on the podium. "The rest of the Uppermoons.. Where are they?" He asked, Steady and firm on his feet.

"Uppermoon one and six have arrived, As for the other two.." Nakime cut herself off, But it didn't matter. Akaza had disingaged and already snapped his head around to look up, Spying both Kokushibo and Kaigaku looking down on them.

Akaza's eyes narrowed as he scrutinized the two above him.

"Upper six.. one" He said, Only giving a nod of respect to Kaigaku: Who nodded back rather feverishly towards his superior.

"Akaza.." Kokushibo drawled. All six of his irises stared him down like an ant under his sandal, A stare that made Akaza's muscles tense and his fists ball up.

"I thought I had reminded you.. Last time.. That you ought to show more respect to your superiors.." Kokushibo started. Though his voice was levelled, Akaza could sense the irritation behind his voice. A feeling they shared mutually.

"Kokushibo-dono..! So glad to see you.." Douma called out. Despite the salesman smile still painted on his face, The cheery voice dimmed into a more cautious tone in Kokushibo's presence. Kokushibo ignored him.

"You are continuing to ignore the hierarchy set in place.. As I've said.. Challenge him to a blood battle if you are unhappy.." Kokushibo finished, His calm tone coming to a finality as the remains echoed around the silent atmosphere of the Infinity castle.

He didn't wait for Akaza's response as his overhanging figure suddenly vanished from view, Making Kaigaku yelp from the sudden disappearance of his mentor while Akaza only muttered something angrily under his breath.

Kokushibo manifested a good bit away from the group, Sitting on his knee's in-between one of the hanging castle halls.

What a waste, He thought. Akaza, Even after being as generous to spare him the first time he challenged Kokushibo to a blood battle, Never took his advice.

The first time, He had knocked him to the ground. It hadn't even been five minutes before he had been truly, utterly defeated.

Akaza had lain on the ground, His limbs barely regenerating as he watched Kokushibo slowly walk up to him. His scrutinizing glare burning into Akaza's soul like the suns ray's to his skin. Taunting him, Looking down on him from his unshakable throne.

It would of been better if Kokushibo had just absorbed him, Akaza thought. Even as he was spared it felt like he was an injured bird, Completely dependant on the mercy of whoever came across him.

He hated that feeling, The feeling of him being completely helpless under another's will. He would of rather been absorbed then feel that for the rest of his existence.

Kokushibo on the other hand had felt as if Akaza was wasting his potential.

He had already gotten to Upper three, His potential was there, Almost glowing. Yet he wasted it with his morals, The ones he had carried over from his human life. Akaza refused to consume women, Even went so far as to never lay a hand on one.

Kokushibo had urged Akaza to give up these morals during their fight, It's why it lasted so long anyways. Women did tend to be more nutritious and by not eating them entirely he was cutting off his food source by 50 percent, And Kokushibo had tried his best to convince him of that.

Yet ever-stubborn Akaza refused, While Kokushibo's position was untouchable the same could be said for Akaza's principles. Akaza was weak and refused to change, To get stronger and instead mainly relied on traditional martial arts training.

As the final strum of the biwa reverberated around the castle, Kokushibo knew that it was barely enough. Akaza couldn't protect who he held dear in his human life, Even though he couldn't remember his past he still held his will strong, Carrying on the memory of who he lost.

Kokushibo felt disgusted, Hatred.. And that same spark of green from his human life. And as the meeting finally began, He started to feel like maybe most of it wasn't directed towards Akaza.

And he felt disgusted at that too.

☆♡☆

The cold gusts of wind hit against [F/N]'s face like titanium whips on bare skin, Creating patches of red skin and aching pain.

The blizzard raged on. Both hailstones and large clumps of snow hurled down onto the forest ground, Coating the ground in a thick layer of avalanche. The trees hit each other in the wind, Beating and smashing into each other in the sheer force of the gales.

It was cold. It was so, so cold.

Every inch of [F/N] felt numb, It ached when she moved. Her chest hurt a lot too, So much more than the cold eating away at her. It felt like someone was constantly turning a iron blade inside of her chest, Making sure every sharp end dug into her chest and cut open frozen blood.

It was a reoccurring nightmare. Every time [F/N] fell asleep she woke up in the same place, In the middle of the woods during a snowstorm.

They had started a good long while ago, Around the time she had first became Fujimori. At first she thought it was just another one-off nightmare and decided to ignore it, After all, Nightmares were common in her line of work.

But when they had continued, Night after night after night. [F/N] had had enough and tried to seek help. Doctors, Experts or anyone that could help her she had ran to asking for assistance, Yet nothing that had been provided to her that could help came along.

So after ages of dealing with the Night terrors with no remedy she had decided to stick it through, To see if it would go away on its own.

So now, [F/N] trudged through the rushing winds. Pulling her foot from the snow and slamming it back down in front of her was a herculean task of its own.

The blizzard seemed to pick up on intensity, The snow hitting the ground harder like thrown rocks and pushing [F/N] around in the winds.

She didn't know why she kept moving forward, Keep trying to go further than the last time. She had no reason to, But inside of her aching chest the instinct resonated, It drove her forward. Trying to escape the snowstorm.

However, There was always a point inside the dream. The breaking point, Where her legs couldn't hold anymore, When the weight of her strength died out inside her, Making her collapse into the snow, Burying her alive in it.

When it happened she curled up into a fetal position, Trying her best to hold on to her life force slipping away. She couldn't cry no matter how much she had wanted to, The dehydration burned at her throat making it impossible.

The last thing she felt was.. Warm. The frostbite finally reaching her heart, A bittersweet heat invading her failing organ system as it shut down. She yearned for something, Weakly calling out to someone with her dying breath.

When she finally closed her eyes, Letting the darkness swallow her whole as the last thing she saw was a man coming upon her. A tall figure amongst the storm, Looking at her, Rushing forward with his purple kimono swaying in the wind.

But before she could see his face, Death had already siphoned her. The darkness being the only thing she could see.

[F/N] shot up, Gasping for air.

She looked around frantically, Heart beating like a drum. Survival instincts kicked in trying to quickly examine her surroundings.

Though she relaxed once she saw the wooden inside of the carriage she was in. The rattling of the vehicle moving along the road comforted her, Confirming that she was safe.

She let out a big sigh, Watching as the exhale turn into cold mist in the morning air.

[F/N] raised an eyebrow, Turning to look out the carriage window. It was snowing, The glisten of white sleet covering the ground shone in the pre-dawn sunlight. [F/N] felt her heartrate pick up again once more when she remembered her dream, Only for a split second.

It wasn't the harsh snowfall of a blizzard, Nor was the mist of cold vapour taking up everything in sight. Instead, It was the soft fall of flakes slowly making their way down to the earth, As well as only a whisp of frozen vapour dancing in the air.

It was the kind of fall where you could stand outside catching snowflakes on your tongue, The kind where you could stand idly by with a cup of hot tea in hands; Watching the beauty of cold terrain. [F/N] rubbed her eyes, She wasn't back in her dream.

Judging by the cold she was near the Kakushi base. She had set off at the first sign of the setting sun and had woken up when the sky was still a deep navy blue, Only the cracks of sunlight making their way through the edges of the faraway mountains.

Moving over to the front of the carriage she tapped on the glass window.

"Hey, How long until we reach our destination?" [F/N] called through the window. The driver turned back to look at her for a moment, But ultimately kept his eyes on the road.

"I'm just about to stop up here, Is that alright with you?" The driver responded. [F/N] mumbled out a yes and lain back in her seat.

She watched the snow fall carefully as the carriage ascended up the mountain.

"So, Urm.. Do you have anyone waiting on you, Ma'am?" The drive asked tentatively.

"..Nope, No one in particular." [F/N] replied, Keeping her eyes outside the window watching the snow fall.

They were left in silence for a short moment, Left only to the sounds of turning wheels and a rattling base.

"Then.. I wouldn't suppose you don't know the man down there?" The driver called out after a while.

The corner of [F/N]'s lips quirked, Twitched for a moment as she was brought out of her stupor and put straight into confusion, Caught off guard.

"What man?" [F/N] asked, Her tone raising a little in alarm. Who could be out here at this hour in these weather conditions?

"Eh.. He's a little bit down the road, You might be able to see him from your window." He replied suddenly gathering a bit more in tone at the sound of alarm in her voice.

[F/N] didn't hesitate to peer round, Craning her head as far as it could to try and get a good look at the ma-

Oh.

Oh, fuck.

[F/N]'s limited vision revealed Gyomei Himejima, The Stone Hashira, Standing a good few metre's down the pathway from where they were headed. He didn't move, But from what she could see he was waiting on the carriage passing them.

"Ma'am? Are you alright?" The driver asked, Concerned. But by the time he had let out the first word the blinds on the windows had already been shut.

"F-Fine! Just slow down and park in front of the guy, You can leave afterwards. Okay?" She called back to him, Sticking her hand through the little window hole with a handful of cash to which was taken immediatley.

"Alright then.." The driver said, But she didn't hear him as she was already pulling out her rucksack. While Gyomei was blind, He had extraordinary senses. Plus the fact that her voice also changed to a more masculine lilt when she put on the mask.

The fact was that [F/N] was actually a woman was suppose to be a secret, With only a small handful of people including trusted handmaidens, Mitsuri, Shinobu and Oyataka-sama actually knowing about the mask.

It was something she didn't tell anyone, Why she didn't want to say is something she didn't tell anyone either. Though it didn't really matter in that moment, Only the quick rapid succession of her rucksack opening and clothing getting flung everywhere.

Gyomei listened as the carriage rolled down the pathway, The cold seeping into his skin didn't seem to bother him and if it did then he did a good job of hiding it. His hands pressed in that same praying position, Haori flowing in the soft breeze as he heard the carriage come to a halt in front of him.

The door opened with a squeak, The thumping of boots hit the snow with a crunch!

"Himejima-san! Great to see you, What brings you all the way out here?" [F/N] called out, A fabricated cheer in the voice now belonging to him. He walked out a few steps toward Gyomei, Now wearing his slayer uniform and kitsune mask as the carriage went away.

"Fujimori-san.. It is good to know that you are in a cheerful mood." Gyomei said, His voice was filled with the ever-present sorrow. Tears eternally running down his face as he rattled the beads in his hands.

"Of course, I always am.. But uh.. What about my question? What brings you all the way out here?" [F/N] asked. In the corps she was only known by her last name, Fujimori. Her first name might be too much of a give away.

"I believe you are already aware of why, Fujimori-san." Gyomei muttered out. Despite [F/N]'s new tall and imposing form, It felt like comparing a tree to a shrub when in the presence of Gyomei. His height easily towering over him by a good foot.

[F/N] clicked his tongue, He already knew why. Though he felt it appropriate to continue his ignorance.

"..Not a clue, Care to enlighten me?" [F/N] drawled out, Feigning stupidity as the clanking on Gyomei's beads came to a jolting halt.

"..Please, May we not go back and forth like this again.. This is a serious matter." Was all that Gyomei said to [F/N], Yet his words held much deeper implications.

The simple truth was that both [F/N] and Gyomei didn't get along, It wasn't due to anything they had done to each other or anything they've said. But it just so happened that they both had rather conflicting personalities and philosophies.

Gyomei was a buddist monk, [F/N] was a shinto shrine maiden. Gyomei had conviction and it showed through his blade, [F/N] had barely any drive when she drove it into a demon's neck. Gyomei was the ideal hashira and someone to look up to, An idol among men. [F/N] couldn't even show up on time to meetings.

It would be wrong to call the two rivals, Though you couldn't deny the tension that followed the two whenever they were in a room together. [F/N] sighed and pinched the temple of his mask.

"Yeah.. Okay, You got me. Nothing gets past you, Eh?" [F/N] started with a rather sarcastic chuckle "Oyataka-sama sent you 'cause of my resignation letter, Right?"

"Correct."

[F/N] groaned lightly through his mask, He knew he should of expected this yet last night's sake and exhaustion kept it off his mind. "And let me guess.." [F/N] raised a hand to stroke his chin, Making an overdramatic motion. "He sent you to try and change my mind?" He gasped.

Gyomei nodded.

"Right now, We can't afford for you to retire from the corps. Two positions in the Hashira have not been replaced and with your retirement especially the corps is surely to take a blow" Gyomei explained.

[F/N] folded his arms.

"Please do understand, Fujimori-san.. It is your duty as a demon slayer to fight until you are unable, To give it your everything. An oath you swore years ago." Gyomei said, Taking a few slow steps forward towards his colleague.

[F/N] groaned, Not even bothering to hide it this time.

"Oh don't talk to me about Oaths, Gyomei. Have I ever told you how much I hate those?" [F/N] started, The fabricated cheer in his voice now gone and replaced with one of frustration and annoyance as his mask mimicked as such.

"Oaths are just words, Gyomei. No matter how you want to put it or how binding it may seem.. Oaths, Promises or Vows.. They're just words at the end of the day. The only thing that matters is the actions that follow, And you know that I've never given it my all, And right now I feel so tired of this damn job that I might as well be unable.." [F/N] finished, The exhaustion haunting the undertones of his voice like a parasite.

Gyomei frowned a little more.

"If you are so tired of this job.. Then why would you come into this line of work in the first place..? We all have motivations here, And I'm sure you do as well." Gyomei asked.

[F/N] scoffed, Who was he to ask such a personal question? An annoyed tinge rose up inside him, However he felt something else come up along with it.

It was true, Being a demon slayer was hard. It was certain death by many horrible and painful ways, The only reason you'd ever want to be one is for your motivations.

Gyomei's found family of eight was slaughtered by a demon let in by one of the children, Betrayal was his motive. Sanemi's mother slaughtered his siblings, Anger was his. Shinobu, Revenge. Giyuu, Grief. Muichiro, His memories. Even someone like Mitsuri had the simple yet powerful desire to help people.

Everyone had a motivation, Everyone except [F/N].

[F/N] said nothing, His body freezing in place not just from the weather.

"I.. I.." He mumbled.

He twitched his fingers, Shuffled around his foot in the snow as he tried to search for a response.

"..It's cold. We can discuss this later, Ideally in a warmer environment." [F/N] finally concluded.

Gyomei didn't make a move, Only for a second. Then he nodded.

"Alright then.. Let's go then.."

☆♡☆

"The first time in centuries, An opportunity has finally presented itself. A way to conquer the sun." Muzan finished his announcement, His voice echoing out to every corner of the Infinity castle.

He stood far off, On higher ground than any of the uppermoons below him--Some kneeling in respect and others listening patiently.

Muzan's voice, Though still the dark commanding tone persisted, It had a new lilt to it. It was something they had never heard before, It was something lighter and almost relieved if they didn't know any better.

"I fully expect all of you to focus all of your efforts into finding and capturing the Kamado girl. Alive." Muzan emphasised from where he stood pacing, The usual lab equipment he had out was behind him untouched.

At the start of the meeting, When the biwa string called- It had been announced that both Uppermoon five and four had been slew.

First it was the previous number six, Daki and Gyutaro. Their death's hadn't been a spectacle as they were the lowest rank and as Muzan had put it: Predictable. Daki was holding Gyutaro back, End of story.

But now that two Upper ranks were defeated together, The tone in the castle had shifted. The onset of worry now seeping into the atmosphere most evident by both Akaza and Kaigaku.

Though by the end the information brought out by their deaths had brought about a new shift in the air, A way to conquer the sun right at their fingertips.

"From here on out you are to act more diligently. You are not to rest until you find and capture Nezuko Kamado, I don't care how you do it nor do I want to know, You get it done" Muzan finished, Turning away from the audience below.

"Do not disappoint me"

And with that, Shoji doors slammed shut and he had gone.

The silence ruminated loud within the infinity castle, Louder than any shout or scream could ever be. The finality of his words being the only thing whisping away at them.

"Ah.. A demon girl resistant to the sun? How interesting..!" Douma exclaimed from where he sat, A fan raised over his face to conceal the malicious smile creeping up on him. "I wonder.. Which one of us will be able to get to her first?"

Douma looked over at Akaza, Who hadn't moved from his kneeling position on the floor. Though the cracked glass blue of his eyes shifted up to Douma at the hint towards him.

Akaza knew what Douma was doing, And he clenched his teeth at it.

"Akaza-dono.. What about you?" Douma teased, The fan covering his face did no good to hide the edges of his grin which was now spread from ear to ear.

Akaza's lips trembled, The urge to say something itched at his tongue yet the warning Kokushibo had gave him earlier made it feel too heavy to move in his mouth.

"Hmm..?" Douma insisted, Leaning closer towards number three.

"Back. Off" Akaza hissed lowly, The threat only made Douma laugh it off. Though his eyes narrowed as he watched Akaza march off, To which he cocked his head to the side.

"Kaigaku-dono, How about you? As one of the newest members I'm absolutely dying to hear your opinion!" Douma hummed. A predatorial glint shone in his multichromatic eyes as he stared down his subordinate.

Kaigaku froze in place, Looking back at Douma like he had snakes for hair.

"E-Eh..?!" Kaigaku stuttered. His clawed fingers fidgeting with the edges of his ebony kimono, The mere acknowledgement of his superior was enough to send him into a nervous halt.

"Come on, Don't give me the cold shoulder now~!" Douma persisted. Kaigaku gulped.

"W-Well I personally am g-going to-!"

A sudden sensation of freezing water ran down his back, Caught off by the sudden presence lurking behind him.

"Douma.. Maybe if you spent more time taking your duties as Upper two more seriously and less time distracting my Tsuguko.. You would find out who gets the Kamado girl first.." Kokushibo said, Towering behind Kaigaku to look down at Douma.

Though Kokushibo was never one to care what Uppermoons did to their lower counterparts, He did get a little irritated at the lack of commitment to Muzan's cause.

"Ah..! Apologies, Kokushibo-dono. I wish good luck to you..!" Douma called out as he walked off.

"Nakime!" Kokushibo called out to the biwa lady. And with a single strum both Kokushibo and Kaigaku had vanished.

☆♡☆

The large doors to the shrine opened up at the arrival of the two Hashira, The hinges creaking as it revealed the courtyard.

[F/N] and Gyomei walked inside, The courtyard grounds recently salted leaving no indication snow had fallen despite the fading flakes still gliding down.

The Kakushi Base, One of the only few demon slayer headquarters along with The Swordsmith village and the Ubuyashiki estate, As well as the newest. The base was made up of an old Shinto shrine dedicated to Inari [F/N] had came across a few years ago, And in her time as a slayer had been made into The Kakushi base. Before then all operations were relegated to the Ubuyashuki estate.

But now after being renovated several additions to the blueprints were added. More rooms and hallways covering the top half of the mountain for storage and activities. A third floor with several Kasugai crows coming in and out of their aviary assigned with missions. And finally was the library, A place where records of all sorts were kept.

Of course, It still being a shrine did still hold importance as most of the slayer operations had been assigned to the lower floors while the main area was used for religious practice. During the day it was quieter, With only a few shrine-maidens walking about. But at night The Kakushi activity was more prevalent.

Still very early in the morning, A lot of Kakushi were still about and greeted both [F/N] and Gyomei with respect as they passed. Either lurking around for business or resting up.

In the springtime wisteria bloomed all around, Yet as the winter came in the wisteria had died and given entrance for snowfall.

Opening the main doors and closing the door they both felt the relief of the shrine's warmth wash over them from the unrelenting cold outside.

"Welp.. We're here!" [F/N] exclaimed, Resting his hands onto his hips. Gyomei nodded, Turning towards him.

"So.. About your resignation.." Gyomei started, But was instantly interrupted by [F/N]'s groan.

"Ah right, forgot about that.." He breathed, Pinching the temple of his mask. Gyomei shook his head lightly.

"There is no avoiding the topic.. It is better if we discuss this over now than later.." Gyomei stated, Despite the walk giving them enough time to think he hadn't shaken in his opinion "If I may ask.. What do you plan on doing once you retire?"

The question seemed to make [F/N]'s lip twitch, A movement that the mask mimicked perfectly. In that moment, [F/N] silently thanked Inari for Gyomei's blindness.

"..Ah, You know. Drink a surplus of sake.. Go for a real long rest.. Maybe I'll take a little trip abroad north, I'll see if I'm in the mood." [F/N] drawled.

"It pains me to know how little you are dedicated to your job.. Fujimori-san." Gyomei mourned. [F/N] sighed.

"Listen, Himejima-san.. I know-"

"Master?"

A voice cut off from down the hallway they stood in. [F/N] peered over Gyomei's shoulder to find the source.

Genya Shinazugawa stood at the end of the hallway. He was dressed in a sleeping yukata and held a pillow under his arms, [F/N] remarked to himself about how much he looked like his brother.

Gyomei turned around.

"Ah.. Shinazugawa-san.. I see you are doing well.." Gyomei greeted as Genya walked down the hall towards the two Hashira.

Suddenly however, A realisation stabbed into [F/N] like a pike.

"Himejima-san.. Did you bring both of your Tsuguko here..?" [F/N] whispered lowly only Gyomei could hear. [F/N]'s expression seemed empty now, Devoid of emotion and instead replaced with a serious demeanour.

He raised a brow.

"Yes.. Both of them are here, I decided to bring them with me.." Gyomei said. Finally letting Genya catch up to the two of them, He finally noticed Fujimori who went hidden due to Gyomei's height.

Genya stopped once he finally saw [F/N], Realisation of who he was and his portfolio hit him hard, Before bowing in respect.

"F-Fujimori-sama! I'm sorry.. Was I interrupting anything?" Genya asked, Realising the position the two were in.

[F/N] looked once at Genya, Then Gyomei.

"No, No. You're fine.. Apparently the snowstorm outside is going to get worse, You two should stay here for tonight.." [F/N] chuckled, His serious expression now turning light once more before walking off.

"Fujimori-san, We are not-"

"Goodnight, Himejima-san." [F/N] asserted with a finality in tone. [F/N] waved once behind him.

"Rest up, You two!"

☆♡☆

The door closed lightly behind her, A loud click resonating out.

[F/N] took a few barefoot steps down the stairs feeling the warm water submerge her ankles. She sunk further, Watching as the aqua parted to make way for her as she reached waist length.

Mist rose up from the pool, Mixing with the cherry lotus incense drifting through the air and crafting a new potent steamier aroma.

[F/N] felt herself sink until the water reached her neck, Bubbles rising up tickled at her skin once they popped. [F/N] let out a large sigh, As if she had been holding her breath for too long.

"I'll miss this.." She hummed. Her wary muscles relaxing as she felt her entire body melt into mush.

Today had been a long day. When she took her mask off she was just known as [F/N], The head-maiden of the shrine, And being head-maiden brought upon a lot of duties such as leading prayer ceremonies or just the daily tasks around the shrine.

As soon as she had slipped off the mask as Fujimori and came out as [F/N], Her day had started. Brushing the floors, Avoiding Gyomei and his Tsuguko's, Handing out orders to the other maidens in the shrine and tending to both the crows and the injured Kakushi; All in her daily work.

Not to mention her daily training. Four hours of meditation in the morning, Her workout in the afternoon and her night-time prayer ceremony had taken a lot out of her.

So as [F/N] let her aching muscles be remedied by the water, She couldn't help but let her worries slip away from her; Her nightmares, Retirement, Shizuko.. Only to be replaced by the foggy steam of the bathhouse.

She wished she could stay like this forever, To be swept away by the warmth and never get out.

So [F/N] sunk lower, Soon enough the tip of her chin was submerged, Then her mouth, Then her nose. All the way until she could no longer be seen from the surface.

[F/N]'s body floated in the water. Watching as the bathhouse lights become blurrier and blurrier as she descended further, It distorted until it was only a glowing overlay in the aqua.

She heard the sound around her be muffled by the water, The sound of talk in other rooms, A slow click and the soft sound of the bubbles ascending.

Her lips parted, Letting her breaths come up in air pockets and rise back up to the top. Straining her eyes in the water the pressure of it comforted her like a blanket on a cold night, Eternally staring up at the distorted light as her breath was taken away.

Her lungs depressed, But it didn't matter. To [F/N] this was Nirvana, Heaven or Valhalla, Whatever you believed to be waiting for you after death. Her lungs depressing wasn't important now.

In truth, [F/N] was a shintoist, She has been for as long as she could remember. She believed once people died they returned to nature, Their souls energy going back to where they came.

It sounded peaceful to her, Warm, Never cold. The last bit of oxygen escaped her trained lungs; Lips finally closing.

The water only got hotter, Bubbles rising up quicker and quicker before suddenly her eyes bolted open, Now aware of the presence in the room.

The light she had been staring at was obscured by a hazy figure. She rose up quicker than she had sunk gasping for air.

She surfaced with a large splash, Making the figure flinch away from the sudden movement. A loud desperate inhale let out only interrupted by coughs erupting from her throat.

She flung the top half of her body over the edge of the pool, Hanging on as if her life depended on it and coughing up spurts of water.

"Ah! I'm so sorry, I thought..-" The figure stuttered. [F/N] hauled her head up to find that it was a young boy clad in demon slayer uniform, A checkered haori hanging off him.

"W-What the.. Who are you?" [F/N] wheezed, Wiping her lips. She could of sworn she had locked the door, How someone got in here evaded her.

"Ah.. My name is Tanjiro Kamado, I came in here because I saw Fujimori-san's haori on the hook outside.. Um.. I'm so sorry, I must of been mistaken.." Tanjiro apologised, Quickly turning away.

The checkered haori, Right.

"N-No.. No.. What is it that you want Fujimori-san for?" [F/N] asked, Spitting out the last of the water.

"Oh, Uh.. I was told that he had some information on my breathing style from Kanroji-san, Do you know where he is by any chance?" Tanjiro said, Not turning around.

"No, But I'm the head shrine-maiden here, I know just about as much as he does.." [F/N] said.

"Really? Would it be alright if I talked to you for a bit?" Tanjiro asked, Back still turned to the woman digging her nails into the floorboards.

"Sure.. Just, Why aren't you turning around?" [F/N] asked.

"U-Um.. You're sort of.. Naked?" He responded nervously.

"Ah! Get out, Get out!" [F/N] screamed out, Grabbing and holding up one of her sandles to throw.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! AHHHH-!"

☆♡☆

[F/N] sat herself down on the tatami mat, Fixing up her haori.

"Well then, I apologise for my indecency earlier.. I believe you had some information you wanted to know about breathing styles?" [F/N] asked. Picking up the cup of sake-infused tea she took a sip, The boiling liquid not affecting her as it ran down her throat.

Both Tanjiro and [F/N] sat in one of the rooms of the shrine, Sitting on parallel sides of their little table with a tea-set hot and ready.

At the back on [F/N]'s side was a handmaiden watching over them with the teapot in hand, Ready to serve.

"Yes! I've been to several places around including Mr. Rengoku's old estate, However their records were unfortunately.. Damaged. I was hoping you would have any records or information for me." Tanjiro explained, Picking up his own cup of tea he blew on it before he took a short sip.

[F/N] hummed.

"Describe your breathing style to me." [F/N] asked, Setting her cup down.

"Like.. How it looks?"

"Yep.. How it looks." She confirmed

Tanjiro took a second to think.

"Well.. It's kind of like Mr. Rengoku's breathing, But it's more.. Bright. It's hotter.. I learned water breathing from the old water hashira and this one from my father… He called it Hinokami Kagura." Tanjiro said, Snapping his fingers at the end in recollection.

[F/N]'s finger circled the rim of the cup.

"Hinokami Kagura… I see.." She drawled "Well, Nothing exactly comes to mind.." She finished, Careful to pronounce every syllable while distracted by her thoughts.

Tanjiro's smile dropped ever so slightly.

"Ah.. Alright then, Thank you anyways for your help.." He said as he bowed his head down.

"..But the library may have something that could give you some insight" [F/N] continued.

Tanjiro perked his head up, Eyes slightly opening in interest.

"The library?" He queried

"Yes, The library. It's on the other side of the shrine, First floor. It holds the vast majority of information collected over a few centuries, Both relating to demon slayers and not. If there is any info about your breathing at all then it will be there in the library." [F/N] said. She recalled the several nights mulling over the information in there for her nightmares, If anything was it would be there.

Tanjiro nodded, The smile reappearing in his face.

"This is very helpful, Thank you so much… Um.." A look of puzzlement came over him. "I'm sorry.. You never told me your name?"

"Oh.. My name is [F/N-"

A sudden throb came from her chest, An ache making her keel over on the table, Dropping her boiling hot tea all over the tatami mat.

[F/N] yelped out in pain as The Handmaiden from behind her rushed over to [F/N]'s side with a napkin. Tanjiro also got up and ran to her adjacent side.

"[F/N]-sama! Are you alright?" The handmaiden asked in concern, Trying to dry the stains left on her kimono.

[F/N] only gripped the core of her chest, Pressing down hard and grabbing a fistful of her kimono in the process. She coughed up liquid from within her throat, To which her handmaiden, Maika, Provided a handkerchief for.

"Is it your chest, [F/N]-sama?" Maika pleaded as [F/N] wiped the last of the residue off her mouth.

[F/N] nodded.

"I-I'll go get some medicine! I'll be back soon!" Maika exclaims. She suddenly gets up from her position comforting [F/N] to rush out of the room in search of a remedy.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Tanjiro asked with concern, Resting a hand on [F/N]'s shoulder.

"Yes.. I'm fine.." [F/N] said through clenched teeth. This must of been an after-affect of her bath earlier, A small bit of water probably still lingered in her lungs causing her body to cough it back up.

Tanjiro's nose twitched, His expression only got more wary. [F/N] noticed, Catching the spasm easily she waved him off.

"I'm fine.. Just, I'll take you down to the archives tomorrow alright? I need a bit more rest tonight.." She said. Looking up to the younger boy's singed eyes, Who stared back into hers with a sincere truth.

"..Alright then, Thank you for your time anyways.. [F/N]-san" He bowed his head lightly and got up from the kneeling position on the floor.

"Goodnight, Tanjiro." [F/N] called out to him as he left, He smiled and bowed once more before closing the shoji door entirely.

She was once again left alone in the solidarity of the tea-room. Lukewarm tea splotches dried into her kimono and the tatami mat around her.

The slow throbbing ache in her chest remained in her chest, Small wheezes coming out under her breath every time her lungs decreased. [F/N] chided herself for her stupidity, She should of been more aware of her surroundings, She should of checked.

The shoji door slid open once more, Revealing Maika standing awkwardly in the doorway, Fiddling with her hair.

"So.. Erm.. It turns out due to the current winter.. We're out of the necessary ingredients to make a herbal remedy and.." Maika stuttered, Avoiding eye contact with the woman hunched over infront of her.

"It's fine, Maika.." [F/N] said. However her words didn't do much to stop Maika.

"..H-However the nearest village should have some in stock, I'll go down and gather the right ingredients for you!" She explained.

"..Maika, The snow outside has picked up. I don't want you to get hurt so it's probably best if you stay inside before it gets any worse." [F/N] explained.

"But.. Uhm.. Uhh.." Maika stuttered, Trying to stall enough time to come up with a good reason.

Maika, One of the newer, Younger shrine-maidens. A small mousy sort of girl with untidy golden hair shepherded with ribbons into a ponytail, Complete with the shrine maiden uniform of red hakama trousers and a white kosobe. She had passed final selection yet had refrained from becoming both a slayer and a kakushi.

So she came to the shrine instead to become a maiden, It only made sense that she would want to prove herself to [F/N]. To do her best, To be of some help to people she cared about.

[F/N] supposed she could understand.

"Alright then." [F/N] cut off Maika's babble with two single words. Her eyes widened and sparked up in the light.

"R-Really?! Okay! Uhm.. I'll go do it then..!" Maika exclaimed, Turning around to move outside the room.

"But!" [F/N] interrupted. Maika turned back around.

"If you are to go out, You must find some heavier clothing. And don't try to descend the mountain alone, Find a Kakushi to come with you, Okay?" [F/N] laid down the rules to her like a mother explaining them to her child.

Maika nodded rather feverishly.

[F/N] smirked, Only slightly.

"You'll do good here, Maika." [F/N] mumbled, Maika's face lit up in a large smile ear to ear.

"Thank you, [F/N]-sama! I won't disappoint!" She exclaimed. And with that, She was off.

☆♡☆

[F/N] lay on her futon, Her eyes heavy with drowsiness and stress. She waited on Maika coming back. She didn't mean to lie down, But unfortunately the dragging weights of exhaustion had brought her to her futon, Defeated by the day.

She didn't want to fall asleep. The ever-present threat of the nightmares ate at her mind like Oneiroi. If she could choose to stay awake forever, She would.

However as [F/N] stared up at the ceiling and saw the dark curtains close over her eyes, She could feel the singe of the chill on her skin. The crawling cold sweat running down her neck as the darkness left and the blizzard faded into view.

Closing her eyes she took a deep breath in, Letting out mist as she exhaled.

And as she opened them back up, The storm had risen.

☆♡☆

Kaigaku trudged through the snow, The cold tickling his sandals barely affecting him as he navigated his way through the dark alleyways in search of a meal.

The village had barely anyone in it. He knew as Uppermoon six he could of easily wiped out the entire town, But he liked the game, The hunt for prey, Not the one and done destruction.

His artic coloured eyes scanned over the group of people over at the market, Though dwindled by the storm the crowd was still there, Gathered round the snow covered stall.

He looked at everyone of them, His teeth bare and wide not being able to contain his giddy smile.

He wondered how he could lure each of them individually, How easy it would be to make them cower in front of him, Squeezing out all the superiority from them and consuming it like a parasite.

Then he'd bite into their limbs, Tearing them apart as they screamed and cried for help. Kaigaku couldn't hold back much longer, The mere hunger pounding at his stomach ached for him to feed.

But then, One specific person came into focus.

They had ran over to the stall he was staring at in a hurry. A look of urgency in their eyes, But that's not what drawed him in, No.

It was the kakushi uniform they had adorned.

He seemed to be accompanying another girl, Of what looked like to be a shrine-maiden. They both had ran up to the merchant, Asking for herbs.

His eyes widened at the sight. If he couldn't hold back his grin by now then he was smiling like a madman in a straightjacket at this point.

Kakushi, Rarely seen yet held such worthwhile information for demons. He licked his lips, He could hold off his hunger for just a little while longer.

This was a chance to prove himself to Kokushibo after all.

Next Chapter

224 notes · View notes

autisticlancemcclain · 1 year

Text

full fic masterlist

most of these are over 1000 words, stand on their own, and are posted to ao3. any major warnings will be stated.

here lies keith kogane -- felled by accidental innuendo [ao3]

it might be crazy but it aint no lie, baby (bi bi bi) [ao3]

spies, sneaking out, sobbing, and other such stressors [ao3]

the butterfly effect ch 1 ch 2 ch 3 ch 4 [ao3] [ongoing]

fuck bitches, get money (or something like that) [ao3]

panicked flirting is still flirting (shut up, pidge) [ao3]

you crazy-assed cosmonaut (remember your virtue) [ao3]

light pollution in my mind [ao3]

ten minutes on the clock (twenty years on my mind) [ao3]

take my tea with formaldehyde (for my feminine side) [ao3]

monkey boy [ao3]

a mother’s love ch 1 ch 2 ch 3 [ao3] [ongoing]

i’m talking to a memory (calling can you hear me) [ao3]

we’re not broken (just bent) [ao3]

you can always find me (in our favourite little memories) [ao3] [MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH]

dancing in the mirror, singing in the shower [ao3]

baby, you’re my stability [ao3]

mr. snuggles [ao3]

the tarantula hawk wasp incident [ao3]

i’m just a holy fool (baby it’s so cruel) [ao3]

baby, you’re my lightning in a bottle [ao3]

land or sea, i’ve got the power (if i just believe) ch 1 ch 2 ch 3 ch 4 ch 5 ch 6 [ao3]

i hope some day i’ll make it out of here (even if it takes all day or a hundred years) [ao3] [GRAPHIC DECRIPTIONS OF A PANIC ATTACK]

if there’s something weird (and it don’t look good) [ao3]

blow (this place about to) [ao3]

hey baby (i think i wanna marry you) [ao3]

i’ll go get a ring (let the choir bells sing) [ao3]

is it the look in your eyes (or is it this dancing juice) [ao3]

gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss [ao3]

i can’t decide (whether you should live or die) [ao3]

patito [ao3]

smackdowns and fistfights (and other such forms of affection) [ao3]

sorry daddy (but i’m not that easy) [ao3]

i know you love me (wearing nothing but your boots) [ao3]

chocolate chip chivalry [ao3]

if you’re ready (like i’m ready) [ao3]

a night you won’t remember (i’ll be the one you won’t forget) [ao3]

how much is you paying (i don’t speak broke boy language) [ao3]

no one will know (oh come on) [ao3]

you’ll never be alone (i’ll be with you from dusk ‘till dawn) [ao3]

he might not look like he gets bitches (but honey that dick was 11 inches) [ao3]

cats and charms [ao3]

young love murdered (that is what this must be) [ao3]

love, gimme love, gimme love [ao3]

walk, walk, fashion, baby! [ao3]

eighteen (crazy) ch 1 ch 2 ch 3 ch 4 ch 5 ch 6 [ao3] [ongoing]

bug boy [ao3]

spendin’ my money (i’m outta control) [ao3]

hey, brother [ao3]

rhinestone top (tits peeking out) [ao3]

dumb dog (why aren’t you following me) [ao3]

save a horse (ride a cowboy) [ao3]

nails, hair, hips, heels [ao3]

what if i lose it all pt 2 pt 3 [ao3] [ongoing]

broken bones and stone-brick homes [ao3]

you turned around (and you stole my heart) [ao3]

i only got one thing on my mind (you) [ao3]

i’ve never been a natural (all i do is try try try) [ao3]

if you wanna be my lover (you gotta get with my friends) [ao3]

i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to. [ao3]

come here. let me fix it. [ao3]

i think you’re beautiful. [ao3]

do your worst (’cause nothing’s gonna stop me now) [ao3]

i can’t help falling in love with you (would it be a sin) [ao3]

you know i’m drunk on love (nothing can sober me up) [ao3]

is it so bad (if you don’t get what you wanted?) [ao3]

how long will i be with you? (as long as the sea is bound to wash upon the sand) [ao3]

give up your dream of going away (forget your sailors in galway) ch 2 [ao3]

when you get older your wild heart will live for younger days (think of me if every you’re afraid) ch 2 ch 3 ch 4 [ao3]

i know you get me (so i let my guard come down) [ao3]

how long will i hold you? (as long as your father told you) [ao3]

i’m in love (with a fairy tale) [ao3]

like you made it to 48 (and still made my birthday cake) [ao3]

i see your face (when i close my eyes) [ao3]

this is the part of me (that you’re never gonna ever take away) [ao3]

you’ve got me stuck where i’m sittin’ (lookin’ at your eyes) [ao3]

tell a hater kiss both cheeks (ciao, bella) [ao3]

he’s into superstitions (black cats and voodoo dolls) [ao3]

you look like you can handle what’s under my hood (you keep sayin’ that you will, boy, i wish you would) [ao3]

and with every step together (we just keep on getting better) [ao3]

i will grind you to sand (beneath my louboutin heel) [ao3] [MATURE & VIOLENT THEMES]

to the town of agua fria (rode a stranger one fine day) [ao3]

maybe something happened in a past life (didn’t make it over 25) [ao3]

you would not believe your eyes (if ten million fireflies) [ao3]

but i’ll know where several are (if my dreams get real bizarre) [ao3]

take my name out of your mouth (you don’t deserve to mourn) ch1 ch2 [ao3]

got the neighbours yellin’ (earthquake) [ao3]

such a shame (you don’t put up a fight) [ao3]

all i want is to fly with you (all i want is to fall with you) [ao3]

if it was raining you would yell at the sun (pick up the pieces when the damage is done) [ao3] [SUICIDE IDEATION & ATTEMPT]

i’ve been running with the wolves (to get to you) [ao3]

hey, hey, you, you (i know that you like me) [ao3]

i like shiny things (but i’d marry you with paper rings) [ao3]

on a neighbourhood street (where the little kids play) [ao3]

if you knew (what i still got in my closet) [ao3]

i’m everything (they said i would be) [ao3]

i’ll put you down slow (love you goodbye) [ao3]

i’ll make the choice to hear that voice (and do the next right thing) [ao3]

68 notes · View notes

grey-water-colors · 2 years

Text

Achilles Come Down

Bakugo Katsuki X gn! Reader

This deals with a super-serious topic, but it's self-indulgent. I'm feeling better than I was in my last fic belive it or not. If you need help, or if you feel like it's hopeless, please reach out to someone. This is based of the song 'Achilles Come Down'.

Link to the Song: https://youtu.be/T_V76Dm42bY

Summary: Reader is going to jump, Bakugo talks her down.

Pairing: Pro! Bakugo Katsuki X gn! Reader

Warnings: Deals very heavily in Suicide, Do not read if it will trigger you. Attempted suicide, does not go through with it. Mentions of death. Angst.

Word Count: 1,826

Masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Achilles, Achilles, Achilles, come down

Won't you get up off, get up off the roof?

You're scaring us and all of us, some of us love you

Achilles, it's not much but there's proof

You crazy-assed cosmonaut, remember your virtue

Redemption lies plainly in truth

Just humor us, Achilles, Achilles, come down

Won't you get up off, get up off the roof?”

His voice was so sweet, so gentle, trying to coax you down from the ledge. You on one building, him on another just parallel. Police car lights flashing up the buildings and reflecting on the both of you. Your friends 50 floors below on the ground. You’d never seen Dynamight so desperate, your heart would break for him if you knew it weren’t because of you. How had this become so complicated?

“Achilles, Achilles, Achilles, come down

Won't you get up off, get up off the roof?

The self is not so weightless, nor whole and unbroken

Remember the pact of our youth

Where you go, I'm going, so jump and I'm jumping

Since there is no me without you”

His threat hung heavy in the air, causing you to falter. You had been smitten with Bakugo since you were little, and then a crush bloomed right before you when you were in the same class at UA. He had hardly expected to see you, since the last time he had seen you was when you were paralyzed by the car accident. It wasn’t immediate friendship, but you’d quickly become close with the rest of the Bakusquad and the two of you had grown closer. You’d started dating before graduation and through being sidekicks at different agencies. When he told you that he and Kirishima were creating an agency and asked you to be part of it, you’d accepted immediately.

During your first official patrol with Dynamight, you made a pact with him that no matter what, you’d always be on each other’s side. You’d since moved in together spending time with each other and with your mutual friends. Life was a hero’s paradise until the accident.

“Soldier on, Achilles, Achilles, come down

Won't you get up off, get up off the roof?

Hurt and grieve but don't suffer alone

Engage with the pain as a motive

Today, of all days, see

How the most dangerous thing is to love

How you will heal and you'll rise above”

He was pleading now, his voice shaking. Tears welling in his eyes. It broke your heart, but your guilt was heavier. He was offering you forgiveness, a second chance because everyone makes mistakes. You couldn’t be forgiven though. You didn’t really want to jump, you wanted to call for help, to beg Dynamight to save you. To ask any of the bystanders below to help you. You knew deep down that this emotion wasn’t yours, but the effect of the man behind you. His quirk amplifying and intensifying your guilt and agony over your mistake until you couldn’t bear it anymore. Jumping was the only way to get rid of these effects, the only way to rid yourself of this guilt that was literally drowning you. Even as you were fighting for your life, even as close as Dynamight was, the man was right behind you, whispering in your ear.

“Achilles, Achilles, Achilles, jump now

You are absent of cause or excuse

So self-indulgent and self-referential

No audience could ever want you

You crave the applause yet hate the attention

Then miss it, your act is a ruse

It is empty, Achilles, so end it all now

It's a pointless resistance for you”

His voice was smooth in your ear, and you felt your burden intensify. Two days ago, while on patrol by yourself, you’d ended up fighting a villain. There weren’t any other heroes in the area so you were alone until your backup could arrive. Your first priority was to save the bystanders, and you tried, you really tried. The villain was relentless and used the innocents as a shield. It wasn’t until the fight was over that a life had been lost. A young man had had a heart attack during the fight. You hadn’t been able to get him somewhere where someone could help him. He had died before you could finish the fight. Bakugo held you that night as you sobbed for him.

His family had made a statement to the press and magazines were eating up the story. The family wasn’t suing, which you were grateful for, but you still visited them and apologized profusely. The man’s mother was understanding, as was her husband, but you could tell that the man’s brother was angry. Fury was radiating off him, and you took it because you knew you deserved it. What you didn’t expect was to see the brother that night on your way home from the office. All he did was grab you and yell, but looking back on it, that was when he’d put his quirk in use.

The next day your guilt was tenfold what it was yesterday, and it only grew. Your friends, your manager, and Bakugo could tell you were off. They didn’t ask questions though; no-one had gone through what you were feeling. You were all so young. That night you went on patrol with Dynamight and a couple other of your friends. You were on lookout on the very same roof you were standing on now when he had come up behind you. Every word he said enhanced what you were feeling until he saw you glance at the ledge. His smile was cruel as he said what you were thinking. A life for a life, it was only fair.

Now, in the present, Dynamight saw the man and recognized him for who he was. Puzzle pieces started to fall into place, that you weren’t in full control of yourself. He had to wait until he had more backup though, he couldn’t tip off the brother that he knew.

“Achilles, Achilles, just put down the bottle

Don't listen to what you've consumed

It's chaos, confusion and wholly unworthy

Of feeding and it's wholly untrue

You may feel no purpose nor a point for existing

It's all just conjecture and gloom

And there may not be meaning, so find one and seize it

Do not waste yourself on this roof

Hear those bells ring deep in the soul

Chiming away for a moment

Feel your breath course frankly below

And see life as a worthy opponent

Today, of all days, see

How the most dangerous thing is to love

How you will heal and you'll rise above

Crowned by an overture bold and beyond

Ah, it's more courageous to overcome”

You wanted so bad to believe him. Wanted so bad to be able to reach down and know that you had been forgiven. That it wasn’t your fault. You wanted to rise above it, but you were drowning. Flailing like you never learned how to swim. Was it really going to end like this for you? After everything that had happened in your life? After every obstacle you had overcome, this was it?

You briefly wondered if this was the kind of guilt that the drunk driver had felt when he learned that he had paralyzed a young child. If he had overcome his own guilt to help come up with your cure. You’d have to ask him if you survived. Oh, how you wanted to survive but what you did was unbearable. You’d killed a man. This quirk was so powerful, and you were feeling very weak.

“You want the acclaim, the mother of mothers”

His voice whispered again, smooth as silk.

“It's not worth it, Achilles”

Dynamight’s voice was quieter, like he was getting farther away.

“More poignant than fame or the taste of another”

You shook your head, shame filling you. He was feeding off other emotions now. Amplifying them to be your undoing.

“Don't listen, Achilles”

If only it were that easy, but the ledge was right there, you already had one foot on it.

“But be real and just jump, you dense motherfucker”

You stepped up onto the ledge.

“You're worth more, Achilles”

You were so high up; your knees feel weak.

“You will not be more than a rat in the gutter”

The lights down below were so mesmerizing.

“So much more than a rat”

You could see the outline of your friends down below, fewer now than before.

“Be done with this now and jump off the roof”

You moved one foot forward, ready. It would be fast right? You wouldn’t survive the fall.

“Can you hear me, Achilles?”

Your head snapped up to make eye contact with red eyes. So many emotions floating in them. Sadness, anger, desperation, and fear. You’d never seen him so scared. His fear frightened you, but not enough to shake this. Your foot hanging over a 50-story drop.

“I'm talking to you

I'm talking to you

Achilles, come down

Achilles, come down”

You loved him. You loved him so much it hurt. You’d die for him, you’d kill for him, but in this exact moment you wanted to live for him. You wanted to live so that he could propose, so you could get married to the love of your life. You wanted to build a family with him. Tears welled up in your eyes. You wanted to live but you didn’t know how after this. You’d killed a man. You deserved to die, didn’t you? The look on his face told you that this wasn’t the path to take but you were so sure.

Is there a way that you could be forgiven? The poor man’s mother had said so. Your friends had said so. Your agent had said so.

Bakugo Katsuki had told you that when he was holding you that night. He had never lied to you, that was a truth that you could live your whole life knowing. It was a pillar in your life. Maybe you could step down from here and continue living.

You faltered again, this time backwards.

Your eyes still locked with Dynamight, a voice behind you shouted,

“Throw yourself into the unknown

With pace and a fury defiant”

Then silence. A hand grabs your arm with a grip that could’ve broken it and yanks you off the ledge. Your heart seizes before you fall into Kirishima’s arms and start sobbing. What happens next is a blur, you’re handed off to familiar arms and they carry you. Sat in the back of an ambulance, Bakugo whispers into your hair,

“Clothe yourself in beauty untold

And see life as a means to a triumph

Today, of all days, see

How the most dangerous thing is to love

How you will heal and you'll rise above

Crowned by an overture bold and beyond

it's more courageous to overcome”

#mha #bakugo katsuki #bakugo x reader #bakugo x gender neutral reader #my hero acedamia #my hero fanfic #angst #katsuki x reader #katsuki bakugo mha

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zenithpng · 9 months

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Shiro is grateful for the first time in his life that humans are apex, endurance predators. He's never realized just how those traits would serve him in a situation like this. He wins all his matches; he wouldn't be alive now if he didn't. He gains a reputation he's not entirely sure he likes. But he survives.

Chapter two of my trade fic for mars!

HEED THE WARNINGS!

#jet's talking again #vld #voltron #voltron legendary defender #takashi shirogane #vld shiro #shiro's lost year #shiro fanfiction #vld fanfiction #voltron fanfiction #jet is writing >:))#vld fic rec #shiro vld

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starsdies · 2 years

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are there songs that remind u of ur fics? of obi wan and anakin in general? id love to know what u associate w them 👀

this is my absolute favorite topic to talk about bcos music is my number one love language so thank you for opening this floodgate omg. y e s i have plenty of songs associations with obikin and a playlist too - but we’ll save that for later.

ONE. endlessly by muse is probably my number one obikin song for many reasons. it really hits when you take kenobi as a backdrop.

“Hopelessly I'll love you endlessly / Hopelessly I'll give you everything / But I won't give you up / I won't let you down / And I won't leave you falling / But the moment never comes.”

it’s also a bonus that ewan sings the song for a cover, so i can die happily on my headcanon hill that obi-wan sings anakin to sleep.

TWO. connected by islandinside. my second biggest obikin song, i think. the lyrics are so them it genuinely aches like please look at this:

“I am the mirror / I am your satellite / I am the sign that / Stuck inside your mind” i mean, this easily reminds me of the two of them being split halves of one another, their dyad, etc. and then we have this as well, which hurts so bad and so good:

“When you′re lost and broken / These words are your guiding light / In the darkest place: / "We are each other's secrets. / We are connected. We are connected." / When you′re lost and broken / I am your guiding light / In the darkest maze: / "We are each other's secrets. / We are connected. We are connected."

THREE. everything by thyla. this song gives me alot of modern angsty vibes, but the lyrics for this particular part are so ingrained in my heart for them that i just feel emotional whiplash when this songs comes on shuffle. the ending of this song is an emotional rollercoaster bcos it changes tune completely and builds, builds, builds, and i… oh god. this song is so good.

“I can't call you home / I can't call you home / Never said too much / Now, I can't call you home / I wish I said too much.” - tell me that isn’t the most… obikin thing ever… i’m shattered it’s fine!

FOUR. achilles come down by gang of youths. i mean. as a classics lover and a patrochilles shipper by default… this obviously must also relate to obikin. i mean, i’ll let the lyrics talk for themselves. this is like the must-have for anakin/obikin playlists.

“Achilles, Achilles, Achilles, come down / Won't you get up off, get up off the roof? / You're scaring us and all of us, some of us love you / Achilles, it's not much but there's proof / You crazy-assed cosmonaut, remember your virtue / Redemption lies plainly in truth / Just humor us, Achilles, Achilles, come down / Won't you get up off, get up off the roof?”

FIVE. remember by seinabo sey, jacob banks. this song… really reminds me of obi-wan telling luke and leia about anakin. how, even after everything, he talks of him so highly. here are the lyrics to accompany that for extra tears:

“Let me write you into history, darling / Let me sing you into eternity / So you say you just wanna be remembered / You just wanna be remembered / Just wanna be remembered.”

SIX. no devotion by tender. again, definitely a big modern angst vibe but i’m just. this is one of my most favorite songs in the world so the fact that i associate it with my boys so much really gets to me! here are the lyrics that hit hardest and ahhhhhhhh… rots obikin too… that whole quote of anakin talking about how he wanted obi-wan to stay? obi-wan not knowing what to do with all these conflicting emotions from anakin? yeah. this one.

“I don't know why you slipped away / I never even asked you to stay, baby / Cracks appeared and we both start to fade, but we're / Already broken / There's no devotion / Maybe I'm really to blame / I got my head in the sand / And I just can't understand why you're vacant and not there / Try to be patient with you, but I'm too scared / Tell me what I'm doing wrong / I'm wearing thin, but holding on / For you.”

and finally, because i could go on forever but i should save you the reading, here is my obikin playlist on spotify.

#im so sorry this got so long #this is humiliating #ask #obikin

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screechthemighty · 2 years

Text

Okay, so I wasn’t actively tagged in this, but @mockspector said “ anyone else who wants have a go at it” and I figured it would be funny to ~roast myself~ SO

Rules: Post the names of all the files in your WIP folder regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them and then post a little snippet of it or tell them something about it! And then tag as many people as you have WIPs. (You can make your own post or reblog this one!)

I cheated a little bit because I am NOT including reference docs, timelines, that kind of thing, but. No joke, this is all the actively being worked on fanfic in my “active fanfic” folder:

rebirth (FFVII)

rescue (FFVII)

first meeting(s) (God of War)

origin story (God of War) - being posted as “awake and unafraid...”

Gena’s Diner (Moon Knight) - being posted as “meet me at our spot”

marclayla fluff (Moon Knight) - being posted as “you’re the song i sing again and again”

Warlike (Moon Knight/God of War)

catch me floating circles in my fish bowl (Resident Evil) - being posted under the same title

first kiss fic (Apex Legends) - being posted as “tell me we’re all right / tell me we’re okay”

Untitled Document (Apex Legends/God of War)

the citadel 2 (Titanfall 2) - being posted as “the citadel”

you crazy ass cosmonaut (remember your virtue) (Titanfall 2/God of War) - being posted as “you crazy-assed cosmonaut (remember your virtue)”

Cuy’Val Dar (Star Wars/God of War)

The Scavenger (Star Wars) - being posted under the same title

Kent & Wayne (The Batman) - being posted as “a symbol of hope”

There’s actually more files but I’m going to put those under a cut if you want to see how unhinged I truly am...until then uhhhh if you would also like to self-roast and/or talk about your fanfic, here u go, I’m tagging you. You are tagged. You’re welcome. I hope you’re having a good evening.

Anyways, files included that are marked as “work on later” or “originals” but aren’t actively being worked on and are probably only being saved for reference reasons/because I hate deleting things include:

aren’t you tired of being aesir (v1 and v2), bounce man, i’m falling so i’m taking my time, regrowth (v1 and v2), (i just need) time, Headcase, i warned you not to get lost in the wild, just a ghost, lend me your teeth, louder than god’s revolver and twice as shiny, mandatory first “i love you” fic, noticing, un poquititio loco, wattson vent fic, blue milk run, crash, family, take a break, weeping, a terrible fate, breaking the news, family matters, internment’s a freebie that comes with the purchase, one plus one, reveal, routine, songs for BT, and what is he to you.

Yes, it is that bad, yes I DO need to clear out my folder. Or like. Write these...

#fic blogging #i am giving people permission to ask about the stuff under the cut as well I admit it IS funny

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as-the-stars-foretold · 3 years

Text

Misconceptions

Achilles Come Down song fic, The Pandava Chronicles

~ ~ ~

You're scaring us

And all of us

Some of us love you

Achilles, it's not much but there's proof

Aru stood at the edge of the cliff. She wasn't going to jump, of course not. She was too much of a coward to do that. A humorless chuckle escaped her. A coward. That's all she was, really. A coward. She was pressured into lighting the lamp by her classmates, she couldn't finish her... father when she needed to, she couldn't even tell the truth properly. What kind of heroine was she, if she was so... unheroic? Distantly she heard Mini telling her to be careful, that she was too close to the edge. She would be careful, maybe. And maybe she was too close to the edge. The edge of what, she doesn't know.

. . .

You crazy assed cosmonaut

Remember your virtue

Redemption lies plainly in truth

Mini had never been one to lie or hide the truth, despite her working with shadows. But sometimes, sometimes it was better to stay quiet. So she did, letting them do what they wanted to. It's not like anyone listened to her anyway. Even if they did, would they respect her? No, likely not. With a sigh, she walked over to her sister who had nicked herself, doing what she always did. What she always would do.

. . .

The self is not so weightless

Nor whole and unbroken

Remember the pact of our youth

Brynne panted, shielding her working sisters from the oncoming mob of demons. This was her purpose wasn't it? Be the muscle of the group, that she could do. But she wanted to do something more. Could she though? The fleeting thought, that little bit of doubt shook her out of her reverie, rattling her to her core. Of course she could, she was strong! She could do anything she wanted to.

Where you go

I'm going

So jump and I'm jumping

Since there is no me without you

Aiden stood next to her, gaze flitting to meet hers. He always seemed to know what she was thinking. It was scary, almost. Fascinating, but scary. "Careful, Bee. We're not unbreakable, and you know I'm going down with you. Remember our promise?"

"I... I remember."

. . .

So self-indulgent

And self-referential

No audience could ever want you

You crave the applause

Yet hate the attention

Then miss it, your act is a ruse

Rudy was a lot of things. Some would say selfish. Some would say annoying. Some would say over the top. Sure, he may have been all of those things. But what they didn't know was that he craved something else. Something no amount of money, fame, or persuasion could get you. Something you had to work for, and work to keep. Something he didn't have and never would.

He craved being wanted, being needed. But he had yet to learn you couldn't have everything you wanted. And so, the snake prince tried desperately to prove himself. All to no avail.

. . .

It's chaos, confusion

And wholly unworthy

Of feeding and it's wholly untrue

Nikita called upon thorns to skewer the enemies and vines to strangle them, beautiful but deadly flowers to poison them. She could do all of that, of course she could! It was a dance, a beautiful one of gore and death. She was known for beauty, after all. And yet... and yet a seedling of doubt planted itself in her heart. But it couldn't grow unless she watered it... right?

You may feel no purpose

Nor a point for existing

It's all just conjecture and gloom

Sheela knew too much. Far, far too much for a girl her age. Barely eleven, and yet she carries the weight of the future upon her. Sheela was the Atlas of the new age, the bearing the burden no one else could. It drove her insane, really. Her only purpose was to give the prophecies wasn't it? And then she'd be thrown away, discarded by everyone once she fulfilled her purpose. The future was foggy, shadowy, but heavy nonetheless. And quite the burden for her to carry. But alas, what could she do? They were all bound by the chains of fate, after all.

. . .

You want the acclaim

The mother of mothers (it's not worth it Achilles)

More poignant than fame

Or the taste of another (don't listen Achilles)

But be real and just jump

You dense motherfucker (you're worth more, Achilles)

You will not be more

Than a rat in the gutter (so much more than a rat)

You want my opinion (no one asked your opinion)

My opinion you've got

You asked for my counsel (no one asked for your thoughts)

I gave you my thoughts

Be done with this now

And jump off the roof

Can you hear me Achilles?

I'm talking to you

Achilles come down

They each felt so alone, so wrapped up and suffocated by their own struggles. In times like these, they forget that they aren't alone. That they have each other, and must rely on one another to succeed. But those lessons are hard to learn, and even harder to take to heart. But they must, for if they don't, the results could be worse than anyone had ever known.

. . .

Throw yourself into the unknown

With pace and a fury defiant

Clothe yourself in beauty untold

And see life as a means to a triumph

Today of all days

See

How the most dangerous thing is to love

How you will heal and you'll rise above

Crowned by an overture bold and beyond

Ah, it's more courageous to overcome

They stood side by side on the battle field, shoulder to shoulder. They'd win this war, together. It was a hard journey for all of them. Fights and mishaps, pain and understanding. All of it happened, but they stuck together nonetheless. And they'd be together one last time.

#aru shah #aiden acharya #yamini kapoor-mercado-lopez #brynne tvarika lakshmi balamuralikrishna rao #sheela jagan #nikita jagan #tpq #aru shah fic #my writing #song fic

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two-simps-and-a-google-doc · 3 years

Text

“The Most Dangerous Thing is to Love”

Oneshot?

Note: This is just a little fic before we get back into Tiny Galaxies :D The fic also has the entire lyrics of Achilles Come Down in it.

Genre: ANGST. Specifically Roman Angst

Ship: None

TW: Cursing, death, sympathetic Remus, falling, self-doubt/deprecation..??, crying

Let us know if we missed anything!

Word Count: 467

Roman sat in his room, his dull monochrome room, scrolling through an online library. Yes, it wasn’t something he would normally do, but he was bored out of his mind and wanted to try new things. However, even then, he was getting more bored than he was before. “Achilles, Achilles, Achilles…” he murmured to himself. Almost every good-seeming book always had to do with Achilles. It’s not that he didn’t like him, it’s just that he’d rather more...variety of the topics. He sighed and decided to go through Tumblr.

And then a thought struck him. It wasn’t a good thought, no, but it was a thought nonetheless. ‘What if you jumped off a cliff?’

He blinked and stopped scrolling, staring off into nothing. It sounded like such a...a Remus-esque thought, but he couldn’t help but imagine it. The wind rushing past him as the ground beneath him slowly crumbled from his weight. The faint but not silent screams of “come down!” before he would fall backwards.

He could imagine what they would do. What they would say to get him to stop. He remembered what they said the last time he had tried something like this.

"Won't you get up off? Get up off the roof!"

They had stopped him. They had paid him more attention, made him feel listened to.

Until they stopped.

It had lasted for a month at most, then things went back to the way they were before.

Before he almost took his final step.

He remembered exactly what they said. After that month, it all seemed like lies. They were all lying to him, weren’t they? “You’re scaring us, and all of us...some of us love you!”

He felt so embarrassed that he even listened. That he believed them...those poisonous words that felt and sounded so warming.

And they still were. They were the shreds of warmth he still held on to after all these years as cold and empty sounding words surrounded him. He missed those golden days when warmth and kindness was everywhere, in every corner, every crevice...but now they just seem so rare. And when they did occur, it was either for someone else or out of pity.

'Achilles. I'm their Achilles heel.'

Their words were ingrained into his mind. He had made the mistake to open up to them, giving them free ammunition to use against him. It was stupid. Stupid of him.

But he was stupid, wasn't he?

He told them of his insecurities. Well...some of them. Others were...private. They reassured him, crushing his self-doubt with that one phrase.

"It's not much but there's proof."

He didn't know what that meant until now. He should have figured it out sooner, then all of this would have been solved earlier. Maybe it would have been fixed. Who was he kidding? He couldn't be fixed.

Not now.

He knows what those words mean now. 'You crazy assed cosmonaut, remember your virtue.'

And sure, he could..”forgive” them for these false words of encouragement. These- these blatant lies that he was too blind to see past. As Janus once said, “redemption lies plainly in truth.”

But at this point, what was true and what was fake? He couldn’t exactly use a lie detector, and he didn’t fully trust Janus yet.

Years of lies and manipulation left him lost in the void of uncertainty. He couldn't trust anyone, not since last time. He hated their pity, their fake sympathy for him. Every time they would ask him what was wrong all he heard was 'just humor us'. None of it sounded real. None of it sounded...genuine.

'Achilles, Achilles, that's all I'll ever be. I'm just their Achilles.'

Again, he thought of those words they spoke. The ones that somehow got him off that roof.

'Come down, won't you? Get up off….get up off the roof.'

He curled up into a ball on his bed, the phrase echoing within his mind. “Achilles, Achilles, Achilles...Come down! Won’t you get up off? Get up off the roof..”

He covered his ears in a futile attempt to make the voices shut up. But it just kept repeating...and repeating...and REPEATING…

His nails dug into his scalp, drawing a bit of blood. He felt tears threatening to fall from his eyes. Oh. How lovely. He was so..pathetic that he was crying over a simple phrase.

He was their Achilles’ heel, the point of weakness that shattered something much stronger. He was holding them back and it was all his fault. Maybe he shouldn’t have existed in the first place. If only the original creativity hadn’t split, then he wouldn’t even have a chance at being such a failure. He hated how they probably wanted him gone, how they only saved him in that moment just for pity. They hated him. He hated himself. Well..that’s one thing they’ll ever agree on, huh?

He had to do something. He had to get it over with. He uncurled himself, standing up on shaky feet. He sunk into the Imagination, not caring that he looked like shit at the time.

He took a deep breath, taking in the slightly chilled air. He never liked the hot much, preferring the spring breezes and fall chill. He walked along the path. Normally, he would have taken his time; talking to the animals or helping out a nearby villager.

But not this time.

He walked swiftly, practically running to his destination. He arrived, the setting sun bursting fiery colors across his skin. It was as if he had bursted through an unbreakable wall, finally falling through to the other side. He felt peace, standing a few inches away from a three hundred foot drop. Nothing stood in his way.

Not this time.

He smiled, tears quietly rolling down his cheeks. He closed his eyes, turning around with his back facing the sun. He held his arms out to the side, ready for the fall.

'The self is not so weightless, nor whole and unbroken.'

That was something Remus had come to understand. It was somewhat philosophical, moreso for his taste but that didn't make it any less true.

He was doodling in his notebook. Yes, he must admit, it was a rather mundane activity for him but today he just felt...off. He didn't feel as energetic, more...subdued. Which for Remus was really weird. He hasn't felt like this since…

Roman.

His eyes widened, body tensing up. He could still remember the determination and fear in his brother's eyes. And that...it scared him. No…

It terrified him.

He quickly sunk into his brother's room, praying to every god out there that this was just a fluke, that Roman was silently listening to music or writing a script. He arrived to an empty room, the only thing out of the ordinary being the still-open computer on the bed. That only meant one thing.

He left in a hurry.

He raced down to the living room, again wishing that Roman was just late for movie night. He was greeted by four surprised and annoyed faces, attention stolen from his sudden entrance. Upon seeing the pure panic in his face, the others were intrigued, straightening (hah) up a little and putting their full attention on him.

"Remus, what's wrong," Janus asked, a calm panicked tone in his voice. Remus felt the emotions from his brother worsen. He took a step forward, stumbling a bit.

"Ro...Roman. Have any of you seen Roman today?" he asked quietly, voice far off. They all said no, no one catching even a glimpse of the other creative side that day. Remus's stomach dropped, fear gripping his intestines. As he was about to say something else the emotions spiked, driving an invisible hammer into his chest.

He gripped his chest, stumbling his way over to one of the chairs to steady himself. He was panting, out of breath from the pain. The others perked up, Logan and Janus coming closer to find out what was wrong.

"Re, what was that? What's happening?" Virgil asked quietly from the couch, eyeshadow now a sickening black.

"It's..it's Roman. We...we need to find him. Now," Remus said. He sunk down, entering the Imagination and running. He knew where his brother was, he could feel it. He ran through the trees, the faint footsteps of the others following behind him. He saw the setting sun through the trees.

Then he saw Roman.

He had his back to the sun, tears rolling down his cheeks and a sad smile on his face. His arms were outstretched, ready to fall. Remus scurried to a stop, not wanting to scare Roman. He approached calmly, having arrived quicker than the others who were still making their way through the woods.

"Ro?" he asked quietly, trying not to startle his brother.

"Re? What are you doing here?" Roman replied calmly. He wasn't surprised by his brother's arrival, having felt him enter the realm.

"Ro, please don't do this. I...I can't lose you. Not again," Remus tried, repeating those same words he said long ago.

"I have to do this, Re," he said, determined. He had opened his eyes and dropped his hands, attention fully on Remus.

"...remember the pact of our youth?" Remus asked quietly, eyes dull and distant.

"Where you go, I'm going. How could I forget?" Roman recited. He had a fond look on his face, remembering the time he and his brother had made the particular pact.

"I figured you wouldn't have. Listen Ro, you don't have to do this. You know you don't. It was that little brain of yours wasn't it? They can be deceiving little devils, I know. It's telling you to throw it away, to get rid of yourself so the rest of us can start over. It's not true. You need to know that it's not true. Where you go, I'm going Ro. So jump and I'm jumping, since there's no me without you," he said, taking a step forward, trying to get closer to Roman in order to bring him off the ledge.

Roman would’ve stepped away if he weren’t on the edge of a cliff.

“..Maybe just this once, you could ‘break’ the pact. You have a life ahead of you, Re,” He muttered, a sad look on his face.

“And so do you! I wouldn’t ever break our pact, not even if I was offered 1000 deodorant sticks for it!” Remus replied, a little smile on his face. Roman laughed, but it died quite quickly before being replaced with a sigh.

“Soldier on, Achilles,” Remus started before Roman continued the saying that seemed to have worn oh-so thin.

“Achilles, come down. Won’t you get up off, get up off the roof?”

The fire in Roman’s eyes seemed to dim at the saying. It sounded like a go-to thing to say just to get him down, as if it really meant nothing. They were just words floating around in the air with no meaning. He realized that now. And even though he trusted Remus so much...he feared that those words had no meaning as well. His hands curled into fists.

“..Loathe the way they light candles in Rome,” he muttered. Everyone hated him. That was just the truth. Really, the only truth that he’d ever known, since he’s already realized that everything he’s been told was a lie.

“But love the sweet air of the votives,” Remus whispered, slowly reaching out to Roman. In response, Roman slightly narrowed his eyes at Remus.

“Hurt and grieve, but don’t suffer alone...Engage with the pain as a motive,” he continued. He barely acknowledged how…’out of character’ he was being. He didn’t put this much effort in...in motivating someone. But this was Roman he was talking to. His brother, his best friend ever since the Split. He’d felt so scared when Roman tried to jump last time, but right now he felt a bit..numb. Maybe in a good way, he didn’t know.

He couldn’t afford to lose Roman then, and he can’t afford to lose him now.

Roman didn't know why he felt like this. It was just a normal Tuesday, nothing was special and nothing had happened. It was a normal day, a normal morning. So why did he feel like this?

'Why? Today of all days, why do I feel like this?' he thought.

He knew Remus would try to come with him. It was in his nature. He huffed a laugh void of humor. Remus cocked his head in confusion.

"See how the most dangerous thing is to love? You'll try to come with me, won't you? You'll give up your life for me. Because of love. Why? Why would you throw your life away for me? " Roman questioned.

"Because, Roman, I love you, you idiot. You're my brother, I couldn't live without you if I tried," Remus answered, taking a small step forward that didn't go unnoticed by Roman.

"You'll get over me, Remus. You all will. I'm forgettable, unimportant. You'll be back to normal in a month at most. You're better off without me. Don't you know how much better off you are without me? How I won't even matter after a week? How you will heal and you'll rise above all that you are now? You don't need me. You're the better creativity," Roman confessed, eyes tearing up once more. Remus looked shocked, not knowing the true extent of his feelings until now.

'Achilles, Achilles, Achilles. I'll always be their Achilles.'

"Do you know what my brain is telling me right now? Jump now. You are absent of cause or excuse. So self-indulgent and self-referential, no audience could ever want you. You crave the applause, yet hate the attention. Then miss it. Your act is a ruse. It is empty, Achilles, so end it all now. It's a pointless resistance for you," he practically ranted, getting angrier at every word. He took a few steps towards Remus, tears now flowing down his face.

Remus was speechless, ironic for his character. He didn't know Roman felt that way. He had thoughts like that often but he learned to deal with them. Sometimes in an unprofessional way.

He could have helped. He would have helped. He would have been there for Roman every step of the way.

If only he'd known.

But maybe...he should’ve known already. He remembered the last time Roman tried to jump, every single detail. Maybe if he’d examined a bit more, if he’d paid more attention. Then he could’ve stopped this from even happening.

“Achilles, Achilles! Just- put down the bottle...Don’t listen to what you’ve consumed” He remembered someone saying. He remembered Roman with a whiskey bottle in his hand, swaying a little bit on the rooftop. He looked so disheveled, so different, so...sad. It wasn’t like the Roman that Remus knew. It was obvious that something was bothering Roman but he didn’t even bother to help, did he? This was his fault. It’s his fault that Roman was trying to jump, it’s his fault that-

No. No it’s not his fault. Really, if he was gonna get deep with this, it’s nobody’s fault. At least he didn’t think so.

“Look, I- your thoughts..it’s chaos, confusion, and wholly unworthy of feeding, and it’s wholly untrue. I have those same thoughts, I can HELP you, Ro! All you need to do is get away from the cliff, alright? You may feel no purpose nor a point for existing, it’s all just conjecture and gloom,” he said softly, trying not to aggravate his brother. Roman stared at him with an emotion he couldn’t figure out, but he didn’t seem to be angry at him. It looked like he was listening.. He decided to go for a casual approach to ease up the tension a little bit.

“And there may not be meaning,” He shrugged. “So find one and seize it. Please, do not waste yourself on this roof.”

Roman laughed, albeit a bit sadly, “This isn’t even a roof, Remus.” Remus sputtered, “I knOW THAT!! It’s the thought that counts, not the WORDS.”

His brother laughed even more at that, leading Remus to laugh along as well.

For a second it seemed like everything was back to normal, that today they were just taking a walk in the woods and Remus had told a joke to make the other laugh. But that second was quickly gone as the laughter died down.

"See? I can help you, Ro. Can you hear those bells ring deep in the soul, chiming away for a moment? Feel your breath course frankly below. I can help you see life as a worthy opponent. Please, just- let me help," Remus pleaded, a smile on his face. Roman's face slowly fell, looking down at the ground sadly.

"I...you can't help me, Remus. I don't think anyone can at this point. Especially not today of all days," he confessed.

“See, how-” Remus started. He knew that there was some way to help Roman, some way to make things better. But he realized that’s just what he wanted to believe, not what was true.

“...the most dangerous thing is to love,” Roman finished, kicking the ground beneath him lightly.

Remus blinked a few times before giving a breathy laugh. Well, that wasn’t what he was actually going to say. “How you will heal and you’ll rise above,” He corrected, half-heartedly trying to keep up the illusion that things were back to normal. It was so very hard to accept that it wasn’t and that it might not ever will be.

“Crowned by an overture bold and beyond. It’s more courageous to overcome,” Remus concluded, leaning back slightly. He felt a bit...awkward? Since this was such an important situation and he was trying to play it off nonchalantly.

Neither of them noticed the four others approaching through the trees, aggravated and tired. They had gotten lost after Remus ran off, not knowing the Imagination as well as the two brothers did. It had taken them far too long to find the brothers but thankfully, they weren't too late. Or...at least they didn't think so.

Roman noticed the figures approaching, taking a step back towards the cliff and erasing any progress Remus had made with his brother. Remus sighed and turned around, seeing the four others with relief in their faces. They didn't know. They had no clue that finding them was the least of their problems.

Patton fought the urge to run up and hug Roman, Logan wanted to know what he did wrong, Virgil wanted this to be over, and Janus...he felt guilty. They had no clue Roman felt like this. They didn't even know that it was their fault.

"Oh thank god! Kiddo are you okay?" Patton asked Roman, relief on his face. He started to walk towards Roman, only for the latter to move his foot backwards towards the cliff edge. Patton stopped, holding his hands out in surrender, and took a step back.

As soon as the four had stepped through the trees Roman was frozen. All thoughts that begged him not to do this were whisked away, leaving only pure panic and fear in their place. His eyes were wide and his body was tense. His mind blocked out their words, their voices coming out muffled and distant. He tried to focus on their voices but he couldn't, only the ones in his head were loud enough to hear.

They filled the muffled silence in his ears, the words having been spoken to him by the others in the past.

"You want the acclaim, the mother of mothers."

"You want it all, don't you?"

The voices took the tone of the four sides, fully convincing Roman that they were saying them at that moment. His eyes were unfocused, only the faint feeling of someone to his right was present. He heard a voice cut through the other's.

"It's not worth it, Achilles."

No, no it is worth it. The other voices started up again.

"More poignant than fame or the taste of another."

"Don't listen, Achilles," the voice cut in again.

"But be real and just jump, you dense motherfucker."

"You're worth more, Achilles," it cut in again.

"You will not be more than a rat in the gutter."

"You're so much more than a rat."

"You want my opinion?"

"No one asked your opinion."

"My opinion you've got. You asked for my counsel?"

"No one asked for your thoughts."

"I gave you my thoughts."

"Be done with this now and jump off the roof."

That broke him out of his trance. No one had said that to him, not to his knowledge at least. If that didn't happen then that means…

Neither did anything else they had said so far.

"Can you hear me, Achilles? I'm talking to you."

He looked over to the figure on his right, the worried face of his brother looking back at him. He had been the one to drown out the voices, the one to break through the barrier in Romans mind. So far, he was the only one that could. And that included Roman.

“I’m talking to you, can you hear me? I’m talking to you,” Remus asked, snapping his fingers in front of Roman. “Did you hear what I said?” “U-Uhm...you said ‘I’m talking to you’. Th..That’s what I was supposed to say, right?” Roman responded, hoping he hadn’t answered wrong or heard the question incorrectly.

“Yeah, yeah you’re right. Achilles, come down…” Remus nodded, gently taking Roman’s hand and guiding him away from the cliff. The voices of the others were faint, but Roman could still make out the familiar phrase of ‘Achilles, come down’.

He hated the nickname, really. He didn’t need to be reminded how much of a...liability he was to the others. He didn’t WANT to be their weakness, the cause of their eventual downfall. He wanted to be gone and he knew the others wanted that too. Maybe not Remus, but everyone else. They hated him. He should’ve jumped right then and there. Maybe he could still do it now. Jump off the cliff and don’t look up, so he didn’t see their smiles of relief. Jump off right now and realize they won’t move to save him. Jump off. Jump off. JUMP OFF-

“You wanna know something cool about being called Achilles?” Remus asked, seemingly reading Roman’s thoughts.

“H-Huh?”

“Achilles was a hero, y’know? People know him for being the greatest of all the Greek warriors that ever existed. It sounds like such an honor to be called that, even once. The fact that you’ve basically claimed the nickname Achilles is just- so amazing...and I think you’re like him in a lot of ways. Courageous, brave, all that good shit. People also think he was gay with Patroclus and like- you’re pretty gay too, so-”

Roman snorted, “Really? You think so..?” “Depends on which part you’re talking about. I think you’re cool, but everyone KNOWS you’re gay as fuck, Ro.”

“Yeah, okay!”

Everything was normal. They were back to normal, everything was gonna be okay, they were all okay-

‘What if he was just saying that to distract you from the fact that the others probably don’t mean anything they say?’

Roman suddenly stopped, accidentally diving back into that trance of his. He could barely hear Remus say his name.

‘Throw yourself into the unknown with pace and a fury defiant’

His eyes widened slightly. His own mind was telling himself to jump..again. But it sounded so...mystical, so heroic. If it sounded as such, then maybe he should do it..? What if it made him a hero? The ones who had legends told of, the ones who had statues and places named after them. He could be a hero. He could finally be anything but a failure. He’d be what he always wanted to.

And nobody would hate him anymore..

'Clothe yourself in beauty untold and see life as a means to a triumph'

Because that's all life was, wasn't it? It's about winning, being the best you can be. You have to win to win at life. You have to win to survive.

Roman had learned that the hard way.

He was pulled out of his mind by the others, who had been trying to get Romans attention for quite some time now. He looked to them, eyes distant and cloudy. He looked nothing like the eloquent prince he pretended to be. He was now truly Roman. To the others, it was terrifying.

"...today of all days," he said quietly. The others paused, Remus tensing beside him.

"Wha-what? Roman, what does that mean?" Virgil asked, panicked.

“...See..” He continued, ignoring Virgil’s question.

Suddenly, he turned around and started running for the cliff, blocking out the others’ shouts for him to stop. He turned around at the last moment and fell back with his arms out. It...felt as beautiful as he thought it would be. The wind rushing past, flowing through his hair and clothes. He could feel his heart beat loudly, as if it would suddenly explode. This would be it. The finale, the ending. He closed his eyes, both ready and unprepared to hit the ground.

What he didn’t expect was a pair of arms wrapping around him. Wait...was he still falling? He opened his eyes in surprise. The wind was still there..

“How..the most dangerous thing is to love,” he heard a familiar voice say. He blinked and realized Remus had jumped with him, hugging as they fell to their eventual death. “I wasn’t lying,” Remus whispered.

Roman wrapped his arms around his brother tightly, tears falling from his eyes. Or..more like floated upward.

“How you will heal and you’ll rise above,” Remus whispered again, but more sadly. He tried putting on his usual, manic grin, but it seemed so out of place...so unnatural. It was fine, though. It was all that Roman needed in this moment. He smiled back, realizing Remus was crying as well.

“Crowned by an overture bold and beyond,” Roman said softly, hiccupping in between his words.

“...It’s more courageous to overcome,” They said in unison, holding each other tightly. They wouldn’t let go, not even for a second. It was scary but..calming at the same time. In fact, it was more..confusing. But that was okay. They had each other. And that would be okay. The last thing either of them saw was the other’s face, streams of warm sunlight across their faces.

“I love you” “I love you too”

There was a quiet and distant cracking noise. Nobody dared to look over that cliff, in fear of what they would see. Patton covered his mouth with his hand as he sobbed, collapsing to his knees. Virgil went to comfort Patton, but sobbing as well. Janus sighed sadly and wondered what he could’ve done differently to avoid this. The pain and sorrow would hit him later. Logan stood frozen where he was. He couldn’t comprehend all of this at once, not when two of his friends just DIED. He was pulled into a state of denial. Surely….surely they couldn’t be dead. Sides couldn’t die, right?

Right?

Words hurt, but sometimes, just silence hurt more. It dawned on them, how much they lost. What they’ll never get back. The realization that nothing would ever be the same. There would be no banter, no Disney songs late at night. There would be no dirty jokes at lunch, and while that might have been disturbing, it made things feel normal. And it was all gone.

If only Roman had known that he had already been a hero. He’d been their hero.

~ End ~

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screechthewriter · 2 months

Text

you crazy-assed cosmonaut (remember your virtue) | a god of war/titanfall 2 crossover

part 5/6:

Harmony was beautiful, but he was having a hard time appreciating it.

Cooper wasn’t even sure you could entirely call it PTSD, or a depressive spell. It could’ve partially been that, to be sure, but it was also just...the sheer amount of stuff going on. His field promotion. Having to move between departments. All the paperwork. The weight of what had nearly happened to Harmony, what would have happened if he hadn’t...

If BT hadn’t...

Cooper spent as much time as possible away from the eyes of his colleagues, away from the SRS, away from everyone. Everyone except Atreus, the one person who didn’t seem to expect anything from him. He didn’t even directly pry about Cooper’s mental health.

Indirectly, though...

“So, you know there are studies that say being out in nature is good for you?”

Cooper glanced over his shoulder. Atreus was standing in the doorway of their shared room, looking...surprisingly different out of his military wear. Granted, he was still wearing a lot of green, but the golden-yellow t-shirt was new. “Is this your way of telling me to get my ass out of bed?” Cooper asked.

“Well, yeah, that and I don’t want to go for a walk alone. Humor me?”

He had a point. And it wasn’t like Cooper hated being outside, as long as it wasn’t too crowded, too full of people. Being alone in nature—alone-ish, with Atreus there—was definitely preferable to being in his room.

It was probably a good sign he still felt that way.

“Okay, okay, I’m getting up.”

It wasn’t long before they were out in a nearby nature preserve. Harmony had a lot of those. At first, they just walked in silence. Cooper let his eyes dart from plant to plant, trying to identify any of them, thinking about how much his mom would enjoy this place. Eventually, the silence felt safe enough that a question slipped out.

“You’d get me help if you thought I needed it, right?” Cooper asked. The question felt easier when he was staring at the other man’s back instead of talking face to face.

Atreus glanced over his shoulder, only for a second. “Is this you giving me permission...?”

Cooper thought about the weight in his chest, the exhaustion that seemed to follow his every step, the way sometimes he swore he saw his helmet visor flicker out of the corner of his eye. “...yeah.”

“Then yes. Definitely.” Atreus stopped suddenly and took a deep breath. “I almost forgot what plants smell like. Nice thing about a preserve is we probably won’t run into anyone living out here.”

“Did that happen to you a lot?”

“Yes, but I was the person being run into. I’m probably a cryptid out on a planet or two.” Atreus laughed. “Imagine wandering out into the forest for a nice walk and seeing some dude with a bow collecting mushrooms and dragging the day’s catch. That was me.”

The mental image made Cooper snort quietly. He liked Atreus, he was used to the guy, but even then he could see how he was a bit...cryptid-like. “Probably doesn’t help that you need a bell on your ankle for people to keep track of you,” Cooper noticed.

“Oh, yeah. And I was going barefoot sometimes, too.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, I’m like a duck. No nerves in my feet. You grew up on a farm, right? You know the pleasures of being out in nature. Barefoot in the dirt, not a care in the world.”

“Yeah.” Cooper closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. It did smell nice out there, green and alive with a hint of petrichor after the previous night’s rainfall. But...

It wasn’t the fields he remembered from home. And suddenly, he deeply missed that place.

A careful hand on his shoulder drew him back to the present, when Cooper opened his eyes, Atreus stood at his side. He didn’t say anything, but from the look on his face...he knew. He understood.

There weren’t too many people Cooper could confidently say he could read like that.

He was happy he still had one left.

Atreus, despite his Schrödinger’s godhood, had a complicated relationship with the supernatural.

It all fell into four categories for him: can confirm, can deny (this was a shockingly small category), cannot confirm (not the same thing as can deny), and plausible but not in the way everyone else thinks. Ghosts fell into that last category. He knew, to a degree, that the soul existed, that it went someplace else after death, that it could interact with the living. It was all the particulars that got messy. Sure, he’d been to Helheim, but he also personally knew a whole slew of death and afterlife “gods” who couldn’t figure out who had jurisdiction of whom, why, and how.

(Dad’s soul was especially contentious. Even he had to admit it was pretty funny).

This meant Atreus had no idea where the late Captain Tai Lastimosa’s soul had ended up. But he was completely willing to believe it was haunting Cooper’s helmet.

Either that or the thing was glitching, but Atreus had checked. The visor’s flickering was too regular to be a glitch. There was definitely a pattern to it..not morse code, but something. Cooper was out, so Atreus couldn’t ask him about it. Even If he were in, what was Atreus going to say? Hey, buddy, call me crazy, but is the helmet previously owned by your dead mentor haunted or something?

No. Better to figure this out on his own.

Atreus leaned over so he was making “eye” contact with the helmet. “...anyone in there?” he asked awkwardly. The helmet flickered again. Same pattern. “Is there any way you can like...blink once for yes, twice for no?” he tried. Now he was starting to wish he’d paid more attention to what the spiritualists were actually up to instead of just pranking them on and off. Maybe they had been onto something. “I don’t want to go to Cooper without evi-“

Was it just him, or did the flickering get more insistent?

“If there’s something you want me to tell him, you’re gonna have to say it in words I can understand,” Atreus said patiently. “I don’t know what you’re saying.”

Oh, yeah, the flickering was definitely getting faster. Same pattern still. Could the ghost or spirit not communicate any other way? Atreus had heard stories about that kind of thing: ghosts trapped in perpetual cycles, unable to break free. It had always seemed so sad. Even more so now that it involved a friend of his.

“There’s got to be something else I can try,” Atreus muttered. He straightened back up. The plan had been to pace around the room a bit, see if the movement helped him think. But when he turned around...there was Cooper. Standing in the doorway. Staring.

Not the weirdest thing he could’ve walked in on me doing, but uhhh, still bad.

“...I can explain,” Atreus said awkwardly.

“You see it, too?” Cooper said, his voice dripping with relief.

Oh. Okay. That definitely changed things.

“It’s a repeating pattern,” Atreus said as he carefully turned over the helmet in his hands, “It blinked faster when I mentioned you, but the pattern never changed. I don’t recognize it at all, so...” He shrugged. “That’s all I’ve got right now. Sorry.”

“Honestly?” Cooper said. “I’m just relieved I’m not losing it.” Because he really thought he had been. If Atreus saw it, as insane as everyone joked about him being, there was no way it was all in his head. “So...what do you think we should do?”’

“Call a priest? Joking. Okay, 25% joking.” Atreus started pacing again. “Do you know anyone who’s good with codes and might be willing to hear you out? Or accept half the story without asking questions?”

No, was Cooper’s first thought. Atreus was his only real friend at the moment, if he was being honest. But when he thought about it a second longer... “I think...yeah, the 6-4 is still in town,” Cooper said. “They seem to like me. One of them might be able to help.”

“And they’re outside the chain of command, so no one has to know. Good thinking.” Atreus grinned and held the helmet out to Cooper. “Bringing this? Or do you want to just write it down?”

They did both, in the end, which worked out. The helmet had gone quiet by the time they found anyone from the 6-4. It was weird seeing them without their helmets and jump gear. Davis, as it turned out, was Korean the whole time. “Oh, you’ll want Droz for this,” Davis said, examining the paper they’d written the pattern on. “He’s our resident code enthusiast. Hey, Droz!” Davis waved to catch the attention of a dark-skinned, curly-haired man dressed in a standard jumpsuit. “Got something weird for you!”

Droz jogged over. “What’s up?”

“Cooper got some weird code in his helmet that he can’t figure out. Thoughts?”

Droz took the paper, eyes skimming over the dots and dashes Cooper had used to transcribe the helmet’s flickering. “I think it’s binary. It’s gibberish if you try to do it as morse, but if I made these ones and zeroes, maybe...” He pulled a pen out of one of his pockets, pressed the page against Davis’s shoulder, and started writing. This must have happened a lot, because Davis didn’t protest at all. After a bit of scribbling and muttering to himself...

“It’s just saying Jack over and over,” Droz said, passing the paper back to Cooper. “Recognizing the new owner, maybe?”

For a split second, Cooper wondered if Atreus had been right about the thing being haunted. But...no, Lastimosa never called him Jack. Only Cooper. So why...

The memory slammed into him like a Ronin sword.

Copy of my AI.

“You okay?” Atreus asked. “You look a little...”

Cooper ran. He didn’t register the confused shouts of the others. Only one thought stuck.

He’s alive.

He’s still in there.

BT was still alive.

“Jack!” Atreus caught up to Cooper pretty quickly, but didn’t try to stop him. That’d probably just freak him out worse. “What’s going on?”

“He’s in the helmet,” Cooper replied. A second glance confirmed that freaked wasn’t entirely right. He was a little freaked, but there was too much single-minded resolve in his eyes for this to be an about to have a meltdown kind of deal. “BT. He’s in the helmet.”

“Your Titan? Why do you figure?”

“He copied part of his AI into my helmet because...I think that’s classified. But he did, so maybe...maybe that’s enough?”

...shit. So I was half right. “Can’t hurt to ask,” Atreus said. “Do you want me to come with?”

“Please? This might catch up to me any second now.”

So, stand by and step in if he needs a social buffer. Got it.

There were a few people who looked confused that a rifleman was in the typically SRS-only part of the base, but no one tried to stop him. Eventually, they burst into what looked like some kind of R&D lab. Atreus had to fight the urge to be nosy. It was his knee-jerk impulse in places he wasn’t allowed. “Pilot Cooper?” said one of the confused-looking scientists.

“I think BT is in my helmet,” Cooper blurted.

If that didn’t get their attention, Cooper’s explanation did. Soon, the entire room was swarmed around Cooper and the helmet. One woman seemed especially interested; she was the one to take Cooper’s helmet to a computer. “She in charge?” Atreus guessed.

Cooper nodded, watching the scientists with worried eyes. “She oversaw BT’s creation personally. Her and Lastimosa were close.”

That explained the look in her eyes. She kept it together, but they had the same desperation Cooper’s did. Maybe I can save him. Maybe I can bring him back.

That Titan really meant a lot to people. Atreus hadn’t realized how much.

The longer the helmet was poked and prodded, the more anxious Cooper looked. Atreus almost asked if he wanted to get out of there, but he had a feeling that would make it worse. "You look jittery," Atreus whispered. "Thoughts on fixing that?"

"Uhm." Cooper considered it, then shook his head. “I just need answers. I’ll be okay...” He sat down suddenly, wrapping his arms around himself and leaning forward. “...I just want to know.”

Not much I can do about that. I mean, I can, but I’ll probably get in trouble for using time magic. If the Vanir didn’t get him, the natural flow of the universe would, somehow. It caught up with everyone, one way or another. Atreus sat down next to him. “So, when they’re able to put him back together,” he said, “I get to meet him, right? I know I’m probably not allowed in the Titan bays, but...”

“When has that ever stopped you?”

“I was gonna say I’m sure you could get me in, but yeah, that too.”

Cooper laughed weakly. “Of course I will. You two are like the only friends I have.” Titan and a pseudo-god. You really know how to pick ‘em, buddy. Or how to get in situations where they pick you. “He’s great. I know that might be weird to say about a Titan, but...”

“Pilot?”

Cooper bolted upright. One of the scientists jogged over. “We think there’s enough of the code to make a reconstruction,” said the man, a bit breathless from either the jog or excitement. “I can’t promise it will be perfect, there may be some holes in his memory, but...if all goes well...”

“He’ll be okay?” Cooper said quietly. Almost afraid. Atreus understood: the news was too good. There was no way the universe was that kind. Not after it had taken so much from him recently.

But sometimes life was kind. Sometimes it was even kind when you needed it the most.

“He should be okay,” confirmed the scientist.

The man was called away almost immediately after dropping that bombshell. It was probably for the best; Cooper wasn’t able to keep it together after that. He buried his face in his hands, body shaking with barely-suppressed sobs. Atreus carefully squeezed the other man’s shoulder, but stayed silent otherwise. It’d be better to let the emotions run their course, he knew. Especially since these were happy ones. Overwhelming, sure, but happy.

It’s okay, he thought. It’s going to be okay now.

It took them a few weeks, but eventually Atreus got the two word text he’d been waiting for.

He’s back!!!!

The initial reunion was in private, which Atreus had expected. He was a little surprised that his introduction happened the same day. “It’s just,” Cooper explained, “I don’t know if they’ll want to deploy me again now that he’s back, and I really do want you two to meet…”

“Hey, no explanation needed,” Atreus said reassuringly. “I’m happy to meet the guy. Really. Uh, is there anything I should know…?” He’d never interacted with a Titan before, much less a Vanguard. He’d heard they were quirky but wasn’t really sure what to expect from that.

“BT’s…a little literal-minded, so just talk to him like you would me? Other than that, I don’t think you have anything to worry about.” Cooper was a lot more energetic lately. This whole thing had done wonders for his mood. “I mentioned you to him back on Typhon, so don’t be surprised if he brings that up.”

“You did?”

“Well…yeah, I was worried about you.”

Oh, right. People worried about him for normal human reasons. Though, knowing Cooper, he probably would’ve worried even if he’d known the full truth. “Fair enough.”

Again, Atreus found himself fighting the urge to be nosy as they made their way through the titan hanger. BT was being kept in the back, away from prying eyes, and the walk to get to him went past a lot of stuff Atreus wouldn’t normally get the chance to see. Focus. You’re here for Jack.

BT provided enough of a distraction to keep Atreus’s nosiness in check. He was twice as tall as Atreus, maybe a bit more than that, with paint that was far too pristine for a three year old Titan.

New body, Atreus reminded himself. I wonder what that feels like?

Cooper didn’t need to say anything; the Titan’s one eye fixed on them immediately. Atreus was a little taken aback by how expressive the Titan was. This wasn’t the chipper, exaggerated cheer of a MRVN, or the lack of anything that Specters and other IMC war machines had. The Titan’s body language–the widening and dilation of his one eye, subtle hand movements, even some subtle (not so subtle due to size) movements in the shoulders–reminded Atreus of the few simulacrums he’d met. The bodies were robotic, sure, but you always knew whatever was pulling the strings wasn’t. Or, in this case, that it had developed far past its base programming.

“Hey, buddy,” Cooper said. “This is the friend I told you about.”

BT’s eye drifted to Cooper. “Arthur Kokinos,” he said, his voice a deep rumble. “I am glad you see you are not dead.”

He sounded like he meant it, too. Even if the Titan was likely mostly glad for Cooper’s sake, it was…kind of touching.

“Thanks,” Atreus said with a smile. “Glad to see you’re not dead, either.”

They may not have known each other for long, but…yeah. BT seemed all right.

#fic: you crazy assed cosmonaut (remember your virtue)#series: hammer of the gods (will drive our ships to new lands)#loss cw #grief cw #god of war #titanfall 2 #respawn cinematic universe

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screechthewriter · 2 months

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you crazy-assed cosmonaut (remember your virtue) | a god of war/titanfall 2 crossover

part 3/6:

He couldn't keep much from Atreus.

Not because they were friends, though that was part of it. Cooper had never been good at lying, and he was even less good at it when it involved family and friends. But even more than that, Atreus (and he was still getting used to thinking of Arthur by that name) seemed to have an uncanny ability to hone in on when Cooper was trying to be sneaky about something. Usually he minded his business, but…

Well, Cooper was being (badly) sneakier than usual. It'd be enough to make anyone curious.

"You know you don't have to prove anything to anyone, right?"

"Huh?" Cooper scrambled to figure out where that comment might have come from. "I mean...I guess? What are you talking about?"

"All the extra workouts. You're in perfectly good shape and everyone knows you pull your weight."

Oh. The extra workouts. Right. "Yeah, I know, just...pushing myself a bit. No sense in staying stagnant." Atreus's face was, in that moment, deeply unreadable. It made Cooper nervous. "No one said anything to me, if that's what you're worried about."

"Good, because then I'd have to kill them." Cooper couldn't tell if Atreus was joking. He was pretty sure, comments like that were usually jokes, but Atreus was protective, and something about the way he said it told Cooper that there were instances where he'd be fine with killing someone over a slight. "But seriously, don't overdo it. You're healed up, right?"

"Oh, yeah, that was nothing. Mild tissue damage." Maybe that's what that was. Their last big engagement had ended with the camp in tatters and the two of them separated. He knew Atreus felt bad about not being there to help, no matter how many times Cooper reminded him that a Titan pilot had been there. Cooper couldn't deny that the extra help in that whole mess would've been nice, but he didn't blame Atreus for not being there or anything. "They cleared me ages ago."

“But are you actually feeling better, or is this a ‘we cleared you because we need guys’ kind of deal?”

“I’m okay.” The wounds to the leg and shoulder still hurt a little, but only when he poked them. Obvious answer was not to poke them, but he couldn’t help it sometimes. It was like repeatedly looking into the fridge to see if the food fairy had brought anything, except he was repeatedly, pointlessly checking to see if it had healed fully. “How are you holding up? And don’t give me that look. I know you hate long ship deployments.”

Atreus looked like he was considering arguing the point, but ultimately… “Yeah, okay, if I don’t get to see a plant soon, I might lose my mind a little,” he admitted. “When are we landing again?”

Before Cooper could respond, he heard a familiar voice down the hallway. It took every ounce of self-control to act like he didn’t immediately recognize the individual in question. That self-control was a lot harder when the figure walked by. “Cooper,” said Captain Lastimosa with a friendly but not too familiar nod.

“Captain, sir,” Cooper said.

“Captain,” Atreus echoed. He sounded pretty neutral at first, but the second Captain Lastimosa was out of earshot, he turned to face Cooper with an eager expression. “Was that him?”

“Who?”

“The pilot, the guy you saved!”

"Okay, first of all? He did most of the heavy lifting…"

"Jack, he was in a wheelchair after that fight. You can't tell me he did most of the heavy lifting when you were the only one walking on your own when you got back."

"He did most of the heavy lifting," Cooper insisted, feeling his ears start to go red. Atreus held up both hands, backing off but definitely not buying it. "But yeah, that's him. Captain Tai Lastimosa. He's nice."

He was really nice, actually, but saying that would mean going into the thing Cooper was keeping secret, so he tried his best to keep his mouth shut beyond that.

"Seems that way. Hey, maybe since you saved his ass, he can get you into the SRS after all."

Cooper felt the blush spread down into his face. He just hoped he looked more embarrassed than alarmed. How does he...no, he doesn't know, but he does know you got turned down from the program and it would make sense to ask Captain Lastimosa for a reference…

"I don't know. Maybe." Change the subject, quick. "Why didn't you ever apply? They'd probably take you. You're one of the best fighters I've met." He wasn't saying that for the sake of flattery. It was the truth. Atreus had good aim, definitely some combat training outside of the Militia, endurance, strength...he was basically the complete package, as far as physical traits. Personality-wise, he was a bit irreverent sometimes, but they could work with that.

Despite that, Atreus shook his head. "Absolutely not. Even if people didn't think I was weird, have you seen how small those cockpits are?" Atreus gestured to himself. "I haven't been small enough to fit comfortably in there since I was a teenager."

Good point. There were taller pilots, but they were rare for that reason. Atreus had a good seven or eight inches on Cooper. It'd be a bit of a tight fit. "Fair point. I've gotta say, I can't really picture you ever being my height."

"Would you believe me if I said I was small for my age as a kid?"

"Yes, but only because that seems like a weird thing to lie about. Late bloomer?”

“Sick a lot. Sometimes I wonder if I would’ve ended up taller if I hadn’t been. Both my parents are pretty tall. Giant, even.”

He said it like it was an inside joke. Cooper thought about asking, but since the chances of Atreus explaining a family-based inside joke were roughly 50/50 (and even the explanations he did get were short), he decided to mind his own business this time. Especially since reciprocal business-minding might be the only thing keeping Cooper’s secret.

The thought was still there, though. Maybe I should tell him. Atreus certainly wasn't the only person he'd thought about confessing to, but he was the one Cooper saw the most frequently these days, which made the secret-keeping a lot harder. It wasn't like Atreus was going to rat him out or anything (he never would, definitely not), so technically there was nothing to worry about.

But it felt wrong expecting Atreus to keep a secret that big. And it didn't feel right to make that decision without consulting Captain Lastimosa (the guy who stood to lose a lot more if news of what he was doing reached the wrong ears). And since Cooper couldn't think of a good way to say hey, so, I don't know how much longer I'm going to be able to keep a secret from this One Particular Person, so is it okay if I tell him, I promise he's solid, he just...kept his mouth shut. Kept the secret.

Right up until the point when he couldn't anymore.

It was, in short, one of those days. The long ship deployment had been getting to Cooper, too, making him a bit overstimulated and scatterbrained. That meant he wasn't watching where he was going or who might see him. That meant when he was slipping away from another training session that left him feeling more scatterbrained, his reaction to hearing someone approach was to freeze instead of even trying to hide.

Damn it. Damn it. No, no. Everyone knew this was the part of the ship where the pilots hung out...a rifleman, much less a random class-three like him hanging around would just attract questions...what should he say? What should he do?! What…

"Psst!"

The sharp hiss caught his attention. Cooper turned around in time to see Atreus standing behind him, as if he'd just materialized out of the ether. Cooper didn't respond verbally, just stared, but fortunately Atreus seemed to pick up the plea for help. Atreus stepped forward quickly, gesturing for Cooper to follow. He was walking towards the footsteps, but Cooper followed anyway because at least if there was two of them there was safety in numbers…

"Falið," Atreus breathed.

"What?"

"You look like you've seen a ghost," Atreus said, this time loud enough that Cooper could hear him without straining. That had nothing to do with what he'd just said, not as far as Cooper could tell...then again, maybe he'd just been swearing. Cooper wasn't immune to the urge to swear in a non-English language. "This part of the ship's not haunted, is it?"

"No, just…" Cooper swallowed hard as he caught sight of the other guy walking down the hall. He was pretty sure his name was Anderson, but he hadn't really learned the faces of the other pilots yet. "...surprised to see you here."

"Regular firing range is full. I figured they wouldn't mind if they borrowed theirs." Atreus walked past Anderson without acknowledging him—and, to Cooper's shock, Anderson did the same. He wasn't even shocked that they'd walked right past a major without any kind of respectful acknowledgment—the Militia wasn't so stuck up on rank that you had to constantly be saluting people. Regular-grade respect was fine. But not even a friendly hello? A casual Private, Major exchange? It was like Anderson hadn't seen them at all.

Not that Cooper was ungrateful, because damn, bullet dodged. But it was weird, weird in a way that made him wonder if he needed another coffee or a prolonged nap.

"...kind of mad that they get the fun moving targets, but whatever. So, uh, any reason you're back here?"

Cooper's entire face went red. "Uhm."

Atreus had a slightly gleeful look, the cat that caught the mouse smile that said maybe Cooper hadn't been as slick as he'd thought. "You don't have to say anything, just...confirm or deny, Lastimosa's been giving you a leg up?"

Damn it. He couldn't back out now. Omitting the truth was one kind of lying, but outright giving false information? Especially now? Not happening. So, Cooper nodded, despite the pang of terror that it gave him.

Atreus didn't look mad; in fact, he looked downright gleeful. "I knew it…"

"You can't tell anyone."

"I would never. And for what it's worth, I don't think anyone else has worked it out, or if they have, they don't care. I'm just exceptionally clever." He grinned at Cooper brightly. "Can I just say, I am deeply proud? My best friend, getting secret special ops training..."

"It's not that impressive."

"It is. Don't sell yourself short. Just promise you'll remember me when you're some kind of big hero."

As if that would ever happen. Even if he made SRS, Cooper wasn't sure he was hero material. "I don’t bail on friends,” Cooper said. “And besides, you’re one of the only people crazy enough to be friends with me.”

Atreus shook his head. “I wouldn’t say crazy. No one else knows what they’re missing.” He held out an arm questioningly, only turning the gesture into a one-armed hug when Cooper leaned into it. “You’re going to do great. I believe in you.”

“Thanks, buddy.”

It was good to hear. It really was.

Over time, Cooper came to realize that plenty of people knew about him and Lastimosa, but as long as he wasn’t actively disrupting anything, no one cared. It made things a little bit easier, and a little less stressful. He was still glad that Atreus was the first outsider to learn. It made things less strained between them—not that things had been especially strained, but even a small amount of strain was enough to make him feel uneasy.

Having everything back to normal felt good.

#fic: you crazy assed cosmonaut (remember your virtue)#series: hammer of the gods (will drive our ships to new lands)#god of war #titanfall 2 #respawn cinematic universe

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screechthewriter · 2 months

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you crazy-assed cosmonaut (remember your virtue) | a god of war/titanfall 2 crossover

part 2/6:

The air smelled of blood. Human, troll, a bit of mortal-deity-giant thrown into the mix. It was a smell Atreus was way too familiar with, albeit not usually in that combination.

How did a troll get here?

He hadn’t seen one in years. Centuries. So long that the memory was hard to grasp, even for him.

How did a deer get here?

Seeing the creature had flooded him with memories—cold air, snow just starting to dust the ground, a careful hand positioning his elbow, another, much heavier hand hovering at his back. Do not think of it as an animal. It is only…

Cooper coughed weakly. Atreus adjusted his grip and walked faster.

He’d been different then. Younger, for sure, happier, eventually. The Fimbulwinter had been long and hard and he’d missed Mother with every second he was conscious, but even the threat of Ragnarok hanging over his head and the weight of loss on his shoulders hadn’t been enough to sour all of it. It could never take away Mimir’s stories, the chorus of Brok and Sindri’s tools (and Brok and Sindri’s bickering), the World Serpent gently winding his way through mountains, old libraries unearthed for the first time in centuries, squinting at the words they contained by candlelight until the book was gently removed from his hands and a rough voice told him he needed to rest…

Finally feeling close to Father.

All things he’d lost, though slowly, over a long period of time, one after another, until it was just him and a bow and the war that had been the last straw. And just when he was starting to get something resembling that happiness back, a stupid troll had to go and ruin it…

He’s not dead yet. Keep walking.

Mortals were so fragile. Atreus had almost forgotten, because he hadn’t been close to that many. Not in a long time. He hadn’t even meant to get close to anyone here, but...

Well, here he was.

Cooper mumbled something. It took Atreus a second to register what: Didn’t even catch anything. He was right. All this blood and they didn’t even have anything to show for it. (Unless the camp was willing to eat troll, and there was no way Atreus was going to actively recommend that. Once had been more than enough for him.) I should’ve gone alone. I could’ve handled myself alone. This is my fault…

“We there yet?” Cooper muttered.

Atreus scanned their surroundings, searching for landmarks. “Almost.”

“‘Kay.”

“You still with me?”

“Yeah.”

“Good.” The healing stone would be enough to keep his body together until they got back to camp, and Atreus knew they would have the right equipment to fix the rest. It was just a matter of getting there so he could be fixed. “I’m sorry I dragged you into this.”

Cooper’s face scrunched in confused pain; when he finally opened his eyes, it was easy to see what he was thinking. What in the actual hell are you going on about? “You know that thing was there?” he asked.

“No, but…”

“Don’t say dumb shit, then. Damn.”

Atreus didn’t know if he wanted to laugh or cry at the rebuttal. It sounded like something Dad would say. “Fine, I rescind my apology.”

“Good.” Cooper’s eyes shut again. “Hey, I’ve got...letters in my bag if anything…”

Atreus’s chest felt tight. That was the last thing he wanted to think about, but… “Yeah, I’ll look for them.”

“Hmm. Thanks.”

Cooper was quiet again after. Atreus could feel him breathing, but that didn’t stop him from double-timing it as best he could without jarring his friend. He was sure he made quite a sight, running into camp while covered in blood, holding a battered Cooper, and screaming for a medic.

The questions started flying almost instantly. What happened, how bad is it, was it IMC? Atreus was able to answer the questions about Cooper’s condition easily, but as for the rest…

How do I even begin to explain what happened?

“Kokinos, what happened?”

Atreus stared their commander in the eye, his brain sluggishly trying to think of a convincing lie. “...troll,” was what came out of his mouth.

“What?”

“It was a troll.”

Then he started laughing.

He wasn’t sure why, but he couldn’t stop.

Fortunately, they took that as a sign that he might’ve had head trauma and not a sign that he might’ve actually snapped. He didn’t have head trauma, of course—even the bruising on his knuckles had healed during the walk to camp—but at some point the laughter turned into a rattling cough that he couldn’t quite shake.

You lost control.

Sometimes his internal monologue sounded like Dad.

It hurt.

“Doesn’t feel like anything’s broken…” The nurse gave his ribs another check. “You sure it’s…?”

“Allergies,” Atreus said hoarsely. It was his go-to explanation, because saying Oh, I still suffer from negative side effects of not properly controlling my god-abilities because surprise, I’m the half-giant grandson of Zeus but I didn’t know that for a full decade was sure to get him put on psych watch. “Must’ve been something out there that triggered them. Is Cooper going to be okay?”

“I’ll have to check, but last I heard, they were optimistic about his prognosis. Looks worse than it is kind of thing.”

Despite the ache in his chest, Atreus smiled. “Good.”

Any optimism he felt shriveled up and died by the time he was discharged, replaced by worry and blame. This wouldn’t have happened if I’d just gone by myself, if I’d kept a better eye on him, if I’d just…

What? Revealed himself before Cooper was smacked unconscious by a troll? Atreus couldn’t do that. He liked Cooper, Cooper was his friend, but…

But what?

He shook his head and started for the showers.

He liked Cooper. Cooper was his friend. But he had no way of knowing how Cooper would react to the news that Atreus was a few thousand years old and had godlike powers. Even if Atreus explained that yeah, technically, all those pantheons were just weirdly powered and long-lived humans (and possibly aliens…Atreus still wasn’t clear on that bit, but he’d been bracing himself to find Alfheim ever since they’d arrived in the Frontier), that was going to change how Cooper looked at him.

What would he think if he knew? Cooper seemed like a pretty understanding guy, but…

Hey, buddy, just wanted to let you know, I’m literally Loki, you know, the Jotnar god with the massive smear campaign against him? My mother is Laufey the Just, also kind of a smear campaign against her, and my father is the Ghost of Sparta…okay, so, the stuff about him is true, but there’s some nuance people like to leave out…

It was terrifying just thinking it.

He ended up staying in the shower until the water ran cold—not that the water getting cold took very long, and not that he noticed when it did. Cold didn’t really register to him anymore. The water had to shut off entirely to jar him from his thoughts.

At least I got the blood off.

Even with nothing to keep him there, it was a struggle to get out. He didn’t want to face anyone else: not their commander (he’d probably want a full report), not the other soldiers (if they stared at him before, they’d definitely stare now), not Cooper (if he was awake, would he ask for Atreus? Probably…he worried too damn much, and there had been a lot of blood). He just wanted to be alone.

Just get it over with, Atreus. Sneak out after everyone’s gone asleep like a normal loner.

Fortunately, giving a report meant writing everything down, and he was left alone to do so. Atreus only gave the basic facts of the hunt, leaving out his speculation and pretending he’d never seen a deer before (hoofed animal with horns, species unknown felt so weird to write, though). The only clarifying point he gave was that he’d said “troll” because it looked like a troll, far as I’m concerned. It was good enough to fool them, and he didn’t feel bad about lying to these people.

Still felt kinda bad about lying to Cooper, though.

He spent the rest of that evening metaphorically beating off the guilt with a stick and waiting for most of the soldiers to turn in for the night. Once they had, leaving was easy. He’d gotten in and out of far more secure locations, and remaining unseen was one of his specialties.

Thanks, Huldra Brothers.

Atreus carefully made his way back into the woods, keeping an eye out for more trolls as he tried to track down the deer again. The night air was cold, and even though they’d moved further inland, he could still smell the ocean, very faintly. At one point, Atreus stopped to take a slow, deep breath.

Closed his eyes and remembered happier times.

That moment of quiet contemplation cleared his mind, enough that he could feel the curious stare of something behind him. Atreus turned around slowly, catching sight of the glowing antlers among the trees.

Does he know?

Atreus didn’t think so; the deer not as something different or especially threatening, but with the wary curiosity of a creature who hadn’t seen many humans but had seen enough to know not to trust them fully. Atreus approached carefully. “You’re all right,” he whispered. “You’re all right.”

He’d always been good with animals—the one trick of his heritage that had been allowed to flourish without making him sick. The deer let him approach, even sniffed his hand when he held it out. “Where did you come from?” Atreus asked, carefully stroking his soft nose. “How long have you been here?”

Deer, like a lot of animals, weren’t terribly complex. Still, he was able to answer the question well enough. He had always lived here, his mind said, as had his father, and his before him. The forest was a part of the family memory, stretching back further than any of them could recall. If there was a starting point, it was beyond them.

Could’ve been comparatively recent. Could’ve been ancient. Deers weren’t especially long-lived, but that was more due to predators than the actual speed at which age took them. This one seemed older than most, but that didn’t help. Atreus was jarred from his thoughts by the deer nibbling at his fingers. He bit back a smile. “I don’t have anything for you,” he admitted, “but I’ll try to keep the humans off your scent.”

The deer snorted, suddenly remembering exactly who he was talking to—or, at least, who he thought he was talking to—and backed off. Atreus watched the deer bound away, his heart aching.

When had a sight once so familiar to him become so miraculous?

He kept walking.

This time, he wasn’t sure what he was looking for—another troll, maybe, some sign of how an actual Midgardian deer could’ve ended up on a planet countless light-years away. He was sure he’d know when he saw it, and he was right. The slight tingle in the back of his skull that meant magic wasn’t something he was looking for, specifically, but he honed in on it once he did, following the sensation to its source. He almost walked right past it, because at a glance it looked like just a pile of stone. But a second glance made him realize this was something he’d seen before. While what was left of the arrangement had either collapsed entirely or was highly unstable, there was enough of it left to form the bottom part of…

A doorway?

He knelt down and pressed a hand to one of the larger rocks. Yes, he had seen this before. It was the same kind of doorway they’d used to get to the realm between realms. For a second, Atreus’s mind raced with possibilities, but as he examined what was left of the structure, he knew it would be no use. He didn’t have the right travel stone, for one, and whatever energy was left in the doorway had been reduced to barely-smoldering embers. Not even enough energy for one trip.

Part of him wanted to cry.

The rest of him was just resigned to it.

That didn’t stop him from sitting in the doorway, legs crossed, hands clasped, eyes closed. As if the proximity could let him feel through space and time. As if it would help him find his way home again.

And, of course, when he opened his eyes, it was almost sunup.

Atreus cursed and took off running. He was able to shave off some time off the return journey with the old turn into a hawk trick, fortunately without being spotted (if a deer was enough to blow the minds of these Frontier babies, a hawk definitely would attract attention). Even more fortunately, it seemed like no one had noticed his absence. There was no lecture about not wandering off at night; just the usual stares and whispers.

Well, not quite the usual. Apparently, word of his troll comment had gotten out, and now everyone was wondering exactly what level of crazy he was to think trolls were real.

I hate it here, Atreus thought.

But he’d chosen this, and he knew it, so Atreus gritted his teeth and ate in his corner, as usual.

There was one piece of good news, and it came by way of the same nurse who’d checked his ribs the day before. “Private Cooper is awake,” she told Atreus. “He was asking about you, so I thought…”

“Yeah, I’ll see him. I don’t think they need me for anything.” And even if they did, they could shove it. Atreus had more important things to worry about right now.

He wasn’t sure what to expect from Cooper’s condition. The healing stones did their job well, but he was a mortal, and he’d taken one hell of a beating. The lack of expectations made seeing his friend sitting upright and putting in earplugs a very pleasant, very welcome surprise. “Hey, buddy,” Atreus said.

Cooper looked his way and smiled weakly. He was making less eye contact than usual; he must not have been feeling well. “The light bulbs in here are a menace,” he said.

Ah, yeah, light bulbs. Atreus understood; he might not have been autistic like Cooper, but having finely honed, better than average senses and a bad case of hyper-vigilance made him aware of some truly annoying sounds. That was another thing he missed about his childhood; electronics and technology were arguably a net good for the human race, but they made the world so damned noisy. “Do you want me to turn the lights out?” Atreus asked.

“No, it’s fine.” Cooper adjusted the second earplug, some of the tension leaving his shoulders as it muffled the faint buzzing coming from overhead. “Be honest. How bad do I look?”

Atreus probably could’ve answered diplomatically, but Cooper had asked him to be honest. When he said something like that, he meant it. “You look terrible,” Atreus said, which was true; he still had a lot of bruising and looked worn-to-the-bone exhausted. “But also? Really good, considering what happened. So, I guess it’s relative.”

“I’ll take that. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I got lucky.” That wasn’t a total lie; he had gotten lucky, for sure. Even as a fully grown adult, taking on a troll and walking away without even a few bruises took a lot of strategy and a healthy dose of luck. “Something triggered my allergies, but that was the worst of it.” Atreus sat on the edge of Cooper’s bed. “I don’t think they believe me, but…full fairness to them, I did say we ran into a troll…”

Cooper snorted. “I don’t know, that sounds pretty accurate. You talked to it, right?”

Ah. Shit, right, he’d forgotten about that. “Yeah, I recognized what it said,” Atreus said. “It was speaking Icelandic, somehow. I’m fluent.”

“Oh. Right, of course you are.” The fact that Cooper swallowed the not-technically-a-lie so easily made Atreus’s stomach turn. “Icelandic? All the way out here?”

“Yeah, I don’t really have an explanation for that.” Still not technically a lie, as Atreus only had half an idea how a troll and a deer got out into this part of the Frontier. “Not our problem, though, not unless there’s another one and they’re IMC-affiliated.”

“Ugh, that’d suck.” Cooper settled back against his pillows. “You sure you’re okay? You look kind of...paler than usual.”

Nothing gets past you, huh? “I’m okay.” Atreus was trying to think of how best to further the lie when he heard a commotion outside. He frowned, turned to face the window, then froze. “Oh, boy.”

A friendly Titan was dragging something into the camp—specifically, the body of the troll he’d killed the day before. Cooper’s eyes widened at the sight. Guess it’s different seeing one in full lighting and when you’re not panicking or semi-conscious. “...guess they have to believe you now, huh?” he said finally.

“Yeah, guess so.”

Cooper insisted on seeing what was going on in person, leading Atreus to just carry him outside on his back—not too difficult when his friend was almost half a foot shorter and Atreus had literal god-tier strength. They had to push through a growing crowd to get close. “...how the shit am I not dead?” Cooper said, quietly awed.

“Insane luck and someone looking out for you,” Atreus replied. He couldn’t help feeling a little sad, seeing the troll like that. He had tried to kill them, sure, but it was a somber sight. A portion of his past, decaying under the sun of an unfamiliar planet. Atreus noted a few of the arrows sticking out of the creature were intact, and old habits kicked in. “Hey, grab those for me, would you?”

If the revelation that Atreus had not, in fact, been off his rocker when he said they’d fought a troll wasn’t enough to get people to stare, seeing him with Private Jack Cooper on his back trying to get arrows out of its corpse was doing it. Cooper seemed oblivious, as always; Atreus just ignored it, until one of their COs came out. “I was skeptical when I read your report, but…” He gave the body a quick kick. “There really is no other word for it, huh?”

“Not really, sir.” Atreus kept glancing at the creature’s face. He could tell its jaw was broken; at least that he’d be able to explain away with the hit its head on the way down defense. “What are we going to do with it?”

“Shit, I don’t know. Keep it away from any of those bastards at ARES? God only knows what they’d try to do with something like this.”

Atreus hadn’t thought of that. The revelation spiraled into another, more personal one: what might ARES try to do with a guy like him if they knew he existed? He’d always tried to keep his rage and anything too superhuman in check, not wanting to draw too much attention to himself, but if they found out…

That was one of the reasons Dad didn’t want to be involved, wasn’t it? Atreus bit back a sigh at the thought of his father’s face, and that unspoken, stern I told you so that only showed in his eyes when Atreus did something stupid. Fine, fine, you were right, again, shut up…

“...sure that Private Cooper should be out here?”

“I’m okay,” Cooper said quickly. “They said I’d be ready for light duty the day after next, sir. And Kokinos isn’t letting me walk.”

Right. Like I’d really be able to stop you. Well, theoretically he could, but barring any unfair use of his excessive strength, Cooper was too stubborn to be talked out of...a lot of things, really. “I’ve got him, sir, unless you want me to take him back…?” Atreus said hesitantly.

The CO waved them off. “It’s your ass if the medics get pissed. You didn't see any signs of more of those things?”

"No, sir." Hell, I didn't even see signs of this one until it was too late. He knew that trolls were usually pretty solitary, but since there was no good way to bring that up without prompting a lot of awkward questions, he kept that detail to himself. "Want me to go out and look?"

"No, we're heading out again soon, anyways. Once we figure out what to do with this thing."

Good luck with that.

Atreus brought Cooper back to the medical bay, carefully setting him down back into bed. "Have you always been this strong?" Cooper asked.

"It's the bow training. That and you weigh like, ten pounds."

"Thanks, I think."

“You’re welcome. You rest, okay? I’m gonna see if I can help with that troll.”

It was weird; he couldn’t recall a single time in his childhood when they really disposed of a troll personally. Father had always been content to let the wildlife handle it. The most they ever did was move them someplace away from the house or out of any paths. They didn’t have that luxury now. The CO was right; they couldn’t risk the IMC getting their hands on something like this.

It looked like a frost troll, which meant it would probably burn well (not something he ever thought he’d be considering again, but his life had taken a weird turn lately). Fortunately, Atreus didn’t have to explain his logic, as burning it had been everyone else’s thought as well. Prep the body, be ready to torch it right before we go. Don’t want the smoke attracting every enemy Titan in the area.

Atreus had to admit: he was a little disappointed the Ion pilot who suggested using lasers had been turned down. That could’ve been interesting to see.

They prepared the pyre. Atreus slipped in a few quiet prayers as he helped, more out of begrudging respect for his opponent than actual desire to see his soul off to Valhalla. He lingered as the body burned, sticking around with some of the others to make sure they didn't start a forest fire before they left. That somber feeling settled into his bones as he watched the body burn. He stewed in it the entire march to their next location. Not even the whispers that maybe, finally, they would get extracted soon were enough to lift his spirits.

He wasn't sure he wanted to leave, but kept that to himself.

His sour mood must have been obvious and worrying, because the normally minds-his-own-business Cooper asked him about it that night. "If I'm overstepping, just say so, but…" Cooper's hands knotted on his lap as he spoke. "...you seem kind of out of it, and...is this about me? Because I'm going to be okay."

Atreus shrugged. "Yeah, I know that."

"And it wasn't your fault. I'm pretty sure I'm alive because of you."

"I know that, too." Cooper wasn't wrong about that second part. The first part...the what-ifs of how Atreus could've handled that differently, taken the troll down faster, done something, wormed their way back into his mind. I don't know, it's...you ever have one thing go wrong and then it just reminds you of everything else that's gone wrong in your life?"

Cooper grimaced. "Oh, yeah. Anything I can…?"

Not unless you can time travel and force past me to say something to Dad's face before…

Atreus rubbed his eyes. "No," he said. "But thanks. I just…"

I miss my dad. I miss my mom. I miss being myself. I'm sick of Arthur Kokinos. I want…

"...if I tell you something, do you promise you'll keep it a secret?"

Cooper frowned. "Depends on the something, but...most likely."

Fair enough. "It's, uhm…"

His hand clenched into a fist, the tattoos stretching with his muscles. He still remembered his mother explaining the significance to them, what he'd learned after her death that had helped him add on to them, to create the ones no one outside of his family had seen, carefully placed runes wishing him swift feet, endurance, the blessing of his ancestors…

You're the last son of Jotenheim. Never forget that.

"Arthur Kokinos isn't my real name."

Admitting it felt like jumping off a cliff. The fact that Cooper looked more interested and confused than betrayed felt like sticking the landing.

"My dad and I…" He could've told the whole truth, but it didn't feel right. Wrong time, wrong place, too much information at once. So again he settled for another half-truth. "...we've had...problems with very powerful people, and I can't go by my real name. But…it’s Atreus. My father named me Atreus."

As for the rest—that his mother had named him Loki, that his people knew him by that name even before he was born, that he was the last of the giants and the ruin of Asgard (or that was what people said about him, anyway)—that could wait. Maybe one day, he'd be able to tell the whole story, but for now, just Atreus felt like enough.

"Atreus," Cooper said quietly, as if testing the name. "That's not…?"

"Norse? No, it's Greek. That's where my dad's from. I was named after a friend of his, actually." Atreus of Sparta, Atreus of Good Spirits, Atreus the Smiling. Not the worst shoes to step into. "That's why…"

"The surname, I kinda wondered about that. Atreus," Cooper repeated again. "Yeah, you look more like an Atreus than an Arthur. Thank you."

"For what?"

"Telling me. And I definitely can keep that a secret."

"On your honor as a warrior?"

"On my…" Cooper laughed, then winced. "Ah, shit, don't make me laugh, please. Yes, on my honor as a warrior, if you really want to call me that."

"I do."

"Feels a bit much."

"You did go toe to toe with a troll."

"And got my ass kicked."

"Well, you got your ass kicked while fighting, and went down with your weapon in your hands. That's Valhalla material, typically."

"No offense, but Valhalla kind of sounds like it sucks. I don't want eternal combat, I want a nap. I appreciate the sentiment, though."

Atreus shrugged. "No offense taken. That's fair." The conversation was so normal it made his chest ache. Was this how Dad felt when Atreus hadn't flipped out on him for keeping the whole god of war thing a secret? Relieved and confused all at once? "Sorry I didn't tell you sooner. It's not that I don't trust you, it's just..."

"It's fine. I get it. Do you want me to call you Atreus, or…? I mean. Not around other people, obviously, I just didn’t know if it’d throw off your cover."

“It won’t. I’d…I’d like that, actually.”

It would be so good to hear his real name again.

“You’ll have to tell me one day what you guys did to piss off powerful people,” Cooper said.

Oh, you know, just some light mass murder on his end of thing and…being born the wrong species for me. “One day,” Atreus promised. “It’s just…kind of a long story? And I mean that, it’s a really long story…”

Cooper patted his shoulder. “Whenever you’re ready, no rush. But…was it the IMC?”

Atreus shook his head. “Nah, I wish.” At least pissing them off would probably be funny and less thousands of years of life-or-death bullshit. “Hey, uhm, thank you for…being so understanding. I know, it’s a lot to take in.”

“Nah, I mean. What are friends for, right?”

We’ll see if you keep that energy when you learn everything.

But that was a problem for future Atreus. Right now, he just wanted to enjoy reclaiming one part of his identity.

Even if it was only with one person.

#fic: you crazy assed cosmonaut (remember your virtue)#series: hammer of the gods (will drive our ships to new lands)#family estrangement cw #injury cw #god of war #titanfall 2 #respawn cinematic universe

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screechthewriter · 2 months

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you crazy-assed cosmonaut (remember your virtue) | a god of war/titanfall 2 crossover

part 1/6:

The Militia had become a lot more organized since the start of the war, but that didn’t stop them from seeing…weird sorts. For example: the guy with the bow.

They kept him around because he was a good shot with a Kraber, and from what Cooper understood, they needed all the decent snipers they could get. But he couldn’t think of a single person who was actually friends with the guy. A lot of people gave him a wide berth, saying he gave them a weird vibe.

Cooper kind of got that, but he’d never found the guy...unapproachable weird. Just regular grade carry a bow into combat against mostly robotic enemies weird. Then again, there was a time and place when Cooper might’ve been considered a damn changeling, so maybe his weirdness meter was screwed.

Either way, he felt kind of bad for the guy. Hence the reason he approached him one day at lunch, where he was sitting alone, again. “Is this bench taken?” Cooper asked.

The guy looked up. “…does it look taken?” he asked with a bit of a smile. “Sit where you want. I don’t mind.”

That had been the plan. But the whole bench was empty, and Cooper suddenly found himself second-guessing where he should sit. Sure, he’d walked over here with the intention of providing some companionship, but he wasn’t sure how badly Bow Guy wanted it. Enough space to avoid it being weird, but close enough to show openness to conversation…

But what is that distance, exactly?

Cooper sat what would be about three or four seats down, picked up his fork…and completely chickened out. “Is this too close?” he asked. “Sorry, I…didn’t want to crowd you too much, but I dunno, sitting at the end of the bench feels like I think you have rabies or something…”

Bow Guy laughed. Cooper felt his face go red, but fortunately… “You’re fine. But thank you for asking.”

Okay. That works.

Cooper ate in silence, occasionally sneaking a glance at Bow Guy. He had red hair cut into a short mohawk, blue eyes, and pretty damn pale skin. It looked like he had tattoos on his right hand, though from that distance it was hard to tell what they were. Cooper could see another one behind his left ear—a snake, maybe? “What’s the tattoo mean?” he asked.

Bow Guy glanced Cooper’s way. “What’s yours mean?” he asked.

Fair enough. “It’s a star map,” he said, holding up his arm to give Bow Guy a better look. “Of the Frontier.”

“Reminder of what you’re fighting for?”

“Honestly, I just like astronomy. I started it before I even thought about joining the Militia. But…yeah, I guess it is now.” He ran his fingers down the path of planets. “I’ve been thinking about getting another one, but y’know, not much time these days.”

“Tell me about it.” Bow Guy held up his own arm. “It’s old Norse. Lucky shot....strong arm…” He then flipped his hand over, revealing more. “Quick hand. And…” He twisted his neck, tapping a line of ink on his neck Cooper had missed entirely. “Steady mind.”

“So you took the archery thing really seriously, is what you’re telling me?”

Bow Guy barked in laughter. “Yeah.” And, to Cooper’s surprise, he leaned over, holding out his tattooed hand. “Arthur Kokkinos.”

“Jack Cooper.” Cooper shook his hand carefully. The proximity let him see that Bow Guy—Arthur—had some scars on his face. They looked old, like the kind of thing you probably shouldn’t ask about. His grip was firm, and a bit cold. “So, if the others are old Norse…is that the World Serpent behind your ear?”

Arthur’s eyes lit up. “Jörmungandr, yeah!”

“That’s what I thought, I just…” Cooper grinned sheepishly. “…if my dad’s part Norse, it’s not enough for me to pronounce that right.”

That got another laugh out of Arthur. “I know, it’s a mouthful. Fun fact they don’t teach you in mythology class: it’s Jörmi to his friends.”

“You’re making that up.”

“I’m absolutely not making that up.”

“I’m pretty sure you’re making that up.”

“He could like to go by Jörmi.”

“Fair enough.”

Funny thing was, Cooper hadn’t gone over there planning to make friends. He’d mostly just wanted to make a guy who’d been arbitrarily on the outs feel a bit more welcome. But…well, by the end of lunch, it felt like he’d made a friend.

Arthur hanging around a lot afterwards cemented that. He was, as it turned out, pretty cool once you got past the weirdness of him carrying around a bow pretty much everywhere. He seemed to have a deep well of knowledge about mythology (mostly Norse and Greek), and if there was one thing Cooper could appreciate, it was a deep knowledge about esoteric subject matter.

“Were you going into anthropology before this?” Cooper asked. “Or…some other field where you know a lot about mythology?”

“Nah. I just like knowing things. I’m technically the brains of the family.” He paused, then laughed. “I’m not the brains of the family. My uncle was, he took the title with him to the grave.” Fortunately, he brushed past the detail of dead family member before Cooper had time to worry about what he should say. “I could ask you if you were going into anthropology with that music library of yours.”

Cooper grinned sheepishly. “Nah, I have an agricultural degree. The music is my special interest. I think it’d give me a leg up in a music history class…not sure where else it’d be useful.”

“Nothing wrong with knowing things for the hell of it. You think mythology, runology, and linguistics are going to save my ass out here?” He gestured towards their setting in general—prefabricated buildings struggling to stay afloat in the muddy field, deep tracks from the few Titans stationed with their unit, and the distinctly fishy smell coming from nearby ocean. “No. But if I spend all day thinking about killing people, I’m going to lose my mind.”

He said the last part with complete seriousness, but again, he brushed past that before Cooper had time to think of a response. “I just realized, I’ve probably been dominating the conversation talking about those old fucks…”

Cooper snorted. Arthur might’ve been passionate about mythology, but he wasn’t reverent in any way. He talked about those old pantheons the way Dad talked about especially annoying members of his engineer’s union. “Nah, it’s fine. I like listening.”

“Still. Best and worst years for pop music, in your opinion?”

Cooper went on a lengthy tangent about how it was difficult to determine best and worst years based only off the “most popular” music, since it could exclude a lot of good but lesser-known songs and albums that don’t really have a lot of singles appeal. Arthur listened without interrupting.

That was the nice thing about Arthur: as he was good as talking (he’d referred to himself as having a silver tongue more than once), he was just as good at listening. He was also pretty funny when he did decide to talk, which was nice to have around when everything felt pretty grim.

Technically, they had the IMC on the defense. Most days it didn’t feel that way.

“First thing I’m going to do when this is over is sleep for a week,” Cooper said one night when they were on watch together.

He could hear the smile in Arthur’s voice, even if he couldn’t see it in the darkness. “First thing I’m going to do is get absolutely wasted. Completely fucked up.”

“Also a good choice. What about after?”

“Probably sleep for a week also. And when you’re done sleeping?”

“My cousin and his wife just had another kid. I’d like to actually meet him sometime.”

“Aww, a son?”

“Second son, actually." He'd show pictures, but Cooper tried not to keep that kind of thing on him when he was on duty. He didn't want to give the IMC anything to use against him, on the off chance he was captured. “I barely met the first one. Raleigh, my cousin, he’s basically my brother, so it’s…weird, not seeing my nephews.”

“Yeah, I bet. No…actual siblings?”

“Nah, just a bunch of cousins I spent too much time with growing up. Close enough. All the benefits but no risk of having to share a room. You?”

“My dad had a daughter in his first marriage, but she died before I was born, so I never got to know her. No other kids with my mom, so…yes and no? It’s weird.”

“Oh.” After a pause, Cooper asked, “Is this the kind of situation that needs a sympathy sorry?”

“Nah. If Dad were here…” Arthur paused—which was weird, because he was not the kind of person who let a thought go unfinished. He did finish it eventually (But I’m not too hung up on it. Thanks for asking, though), but the time it took to do felt out of character.

Did something happen with his dad?

That was definitely not something he should just ask about, so he didn’t. But one day Cooper did get the guts to ask about something else.

“So, what’s the deal with the bow?”

“Well, my mother made it for me, so it’s definitely good luck. It’s what I used to hunt.”

“I had a G7. Are you…” This was a hard one to phrase. “You know those neopagans out on the Outland border?”

Arthur snorted loudly. “Oh, no, I’m not one of them. They’d hate me.” That felt like a weird thing to say, seeing how he had the whole old Norse rune tattoos and learned to hunt with a bow and not a rifle like literally everyone else Cooper knew thing going for him, but he must have had a reason for saying it. “There’s a lot of benefits to using a bow. No one hears you coming, for one. And there was a time and a place where these things were stronger than guns.” Cooper believed it, but he was also pretty sure that was back when you had to load each individual shot into the gun. “I bet you I could get a Reaper with it.”

Cooper’s eyebrows shot up. “No way.”

“How much do you want to bet, if you’re so confident?”

“I don’t have money to spend on bets. Just because I’m pretty sure you’re bullshitting me doesn’t mean I want to risk what I do have.”

“All right, Mr. Frugal, how about betting a favor?”

“Like…what, I take your watch duty?”

“I was thinking something a bit more unspecified.”

“That’s not ominous or anything.” Cooper did like Arthur, but sometimes he saw that…weird that made other people avoid him. “Here’s a thought, maybe we shouldn’t be gambling on life or death situations?”

“Fair, fair. Keep an eye out, though.”

Cooper didn’t think Arthur would actually do it.

He really should’ve known better.

In Arthur’s defense, he didn’t bust the thing out in the middle of a fight. He waited until the initial attack was over and they were picking off stragglers. Most of them were too damaged to really fight back, but every now and again…

“Shit! Live one, live one - !”

Cooper turned, raising his weapon—just in time to see an arrow, sparking with electricity, connect with the Reaper’s neck, right in a weak spot. The force of the arrow twisted the head into a position it definitely wasn’t meant to be in, and the electric shock finished it off, causing the Reaper to drop.

“Told you!” Arthur called.

Cooper turned around in time to see Arthur leaning against a destroyed truck, bow in one hand, grinning from ear to ear. “You didn’t tell me you had trick arrows, asshole!” Cooper shouted back.

“You didn’t ask!”

“Gentlemen, time and a place,” said their CO. Most of his disapproval seemed to be directed at Arthur (as it often was), but Cooper still felt his ears go red at the tone. “Let’s finish this clean up and get ready for the next wave.”

Next wave, ugh. Well, at least he knew if they ran out of bullets, Arthur would have a few trick arrows up his sleeve.

“Bet you’re glad you didn’t gamble an unspecified favor on that, huh?” Arthur whispered as Cooper walked past. Cooper stuck out his tongue in response. It was a little childish, but he knew Arthur wasn’t going to do anything about it.

That was the last funny thing to happen to him for the next few days.

They moved a lot, trying to stay one step ahead of the IMC. They had already been on this dump for longer than they meant to, with no backup in sight for a while—no backup of any kind. That included supplies. Cooper tried not to think about what would happen if they ran out of food—and how much that if was starting to look like a when.

He wasn’t the only one thinking about it. It was just that other people had solutions. And by other people he meant Arthur.

“Hey, you want to get out of here?” Arthur asked.

“Huh?”

“Commander gave me permission to go hunting, but only if I brought someone with.”

“…are we really that low on food?”

“I mean, he didn’t give me numbers, but if he’s letting me go out there…” Arthur shrugged. “Then we’d probably better find something good.”

“No pressure, huh?” Cooper smiled ruefully. “Yeah, I’ll come along.” It would be nice to get out of camp for a while.

He grabbed a G7 Scout from the armory and followed Arthur out of camp. “Which way are we going?” he asked.

“In the direction of food,” Arthur replied.

Cooper rolled his eyes. “Yeah, thanks.”

Arthur laughed. “Sorry…inside joke. Something my dad used to say to me.”

Ah, Dad humor. “He teach you to hunt?”

“My mom more than him, though he picked up after she…” He hesitated. “She died when I was ten.”

“Oh. Sorry…”

“It’s okay. She would’ve liked you, actually.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah. She always wanted to help people. Protect the weak. She would’ve been out here in a heartbeat, if she were still here.”

“What about your dad?”

“He, uh…”

Arthur paused. Cooper couldn’t tell if he was searching for tracks or stalling on answering. “It’s not that he doesn’t want to help,” Arthur said finally. “He just…went through a lot before he went my mom. He’s had enough fighting to last him a while. It’s made him hesitant to get involved in stuff, you know?”

Cooper nodded. He knew a bunch of guys like that from home—people who remembered the brutality of the Titan Wars and weren’t looking forward to more fighting. He couldn’t exactly judge them for that. “Let me guess…he wasn’t happy you joined up?”

“Yeah, we…had a big fight about it before I left.” Arthur paused again. Cooper was sure he was tracking something that time, as he had the change directions a few times. He figured the subject would just be dropped, but…

“We haven’t…actually spoken since then.” Arthur said it so quietly that Cooper almost missed him. “I wrote a note and left.”

…yikes.

“I’m gonna be honest, I don’t know what to say to that,” Cooper admitted. “Uhm…what do you need right now? Advice? Unquestioning support for your call?”

Arthur laughed bitterly. “Shit. I don’t know. It’s been ages and I still don’t know what I’d say to him if I did get back in contact.” He climbed effortlessly over a fallen tree in their path, stopping on the other side to wait for Cooper. “We’re equally stubborn…that’s always been an issue with us. Don’t get me wrong, I love him to death, he’s just…”

Arthur trailed off. When Cooper finally cleared the tree, he saw why. They had been tracking something, but the tracks hadn’t been completely clear until that point. Just the crushed overgrowth it left behind. Now… “Hoof tracks?” Cooper guessed.

Arthur was slow to respond. When he did, he sounded distracted. “…yeah, looks like it…just stay close to me, okay?”

Cooper wasn’t going to argue. Something about animals with hooves set him on edge, but that might’ve been because he’d known one too many horses with a genuine taste for blood. Those didn’t look like horse prints, though. Cooper stuck close to Arthur as he followed the tracks. Eventually, the forest gave way to a clearing, and there in the middle, grazing…

No way.

“Is that a deer?” Cooper whispered. He wasn’t sure; he’d never seen a real deer, just pictures in books. This didn’t even look like those deer—its fur was white and its antlers glowed with a strange blue light. “Or like…an elk or something?”

Arthur seemed transfixed by the creature. He couldn’t take his eyes off it. “It…sure looks like one,” he whispered back. “What the hell is…”

Cooper shrugged. “Maybe some bigwig missed deer hunting back in the core system and introduced them here.” Wouldn’t be the first time some idiot had ruined an ecosystem like that. “It’s…really beautiful.”

“…yeah.”

Arthur made no move to get closer or go in for the kill. Cooper thought about asking if this was their target, but decided against it. He wasn’t sure he wanted to kill it, even if they needed the food. It really was beautiful.

As he watched, the deer’s head suddenly snapped up. Its ears turned, listening for something, before it took off as fast as its legs could carry it. Cooper was about to ask what that was about when he heard it.

No, heard it wasn’t the right word. Felt it—a vibration under his feet, like something big was coming closer. Cooper felt a sudden surge of adrenaline at the realization. “Titan?” he whispered. Oh, shit, if that’s a Titan…it’s definitely not one of ours if it is, oh shit…

“No, I don’t…” Arthur straightened up. “Do you smell that?”

It took Cooper a second, but he did. He was expecting the usual smells that came with a nearby Titan—fuel, warm metal, that kind of thing. Instead what he got was…something more organic. Sweat and blood, or at least that’s what it was to his untrained nose. “What is…”

Arthur dragged Cooper deeper into the underbrush as the footsteps got louder. The trees were shoved aside as the source of the footsteps approached. It was…

Was…

Cooper froze, his mind trying to grasp exactly what in the hell he was seeing. It was human-shaped, but much taller (Titan-sized at least) and more muscular. It had grey skin, angry dark eyes, and a set of horns curving down along its jaw. It was hauling what looked like a tree trunk roughly hewn into what could only be described as a battering ram. It lumbered into the clearing and stopped, its nostrils flaring as if it was smelling for the deer.

Or for us.

“Back up very slowly,” Arthur whispered. “Do not provoke it.”

Don’t have to tell me twice.

Cooper started following Arthur backwards. He kept his eyes on the creature as he went, ready to run if it did see him. He saw Arthur draw his bow as he backed up, as if that would somehow be helpful…

The creature’s head whipped around, its gaze fixing on them.

“Fuck,” said Arthur grimly.

“Farðu út!” roared the creature.

Funny; Cooper’s first thought wasn’t one of panic, or even a desperate scramble to figure out what his next move should be. It was, Wait, did that thing talk?!

Arthur stood up, bow fully drawn, but didn’t fire. “Við erum að fara!” he called back. “Höldum okkur framhjá. Þú vilt ekki þennan bardaga.”

“What the fuck, Arthur?!” Cooper hissed.

“Shh, I’ve got this…!”

The creature’s eyes narrowed. It adjusted its grip on the tree trunk as it stared Arthur down. Cooper was tempted to bolt, but stayed put, worried the sudden movement might set the creature off.

Please, please, just walk away, let us go, please…

Its eyes went wide. “Svikahrappur - !”

That was all it got out before Arthur let loose the arrow. The creature staged back as lightning arced across its face. “Run, run, move it, run - !” Arthur yelled.

Cooper bolted. At first, he was running in a blind panic, hearing Arthur behind him and then the creature tearing after them. The panic did, eventually, fade enough for him to realize something. “Should we be leading this thing back to camp?!” he yelled. He had no idea how strong it was, so even if they had it outnumbered…

“Right up ahead!” Arthur yelled in response. “There, into those rocks!”

Cooper did as he was told, veering right so fast he almost slipped on wet leaves underfoot. I don’t have anti-Titan weapons. I should’ve brought anti-Titan weapons. All he had were some grenades, and he wasn’t sure how much they would slow that thing down. It was massive. Organic, sure, but who knew how thick its skin was?

The rocks provided some cover, at least—they were far enough apart for him and Arthur to slip through, but close enough that the whatever-it-was couldn’t get to them easily. Arthur stopped behind one. “Okay,” he said, “so, bad news, that thing is definitely going to chase us down.”

“So you’re saying we have to kill it?”

“Regrettably. Use the grenades, try to open up a weak spot in its hide, and keep shooting there.” Arthur’s voice was nearly drowned out by a frustrated yell from the creature. “I’ll do the same. Just don’t panic and we’ll be fine.”

Cooper had moved past the point of panic and into terrified acceptance of the situation. Nothing he could do but get shit done and hope he didn’t die.

He took a deep breath, carefully selected the first grenade, and leaned out from behind cover. The creature was still trying to navigate through the rocks. It was so focused on navigating that it didn’t react at first to the first grenade. Not until it blew up right in his face. Cooper pitched another one just to be safe. When the smoke cleared, he could see a pretty good chunk out of the guy’s chest

Aim for the weak spot, aim for the weak spot…

First, though, Cooper made a run for new cover. He saw Arthur move in the other direction, firing another electric arrow as he went. The creature roared in pain as the arrow hit its mark.

Keep shooting, keep shooting…

Cooper stopped behind a rock and took careful aim. He’d been using a G7 since before his Militia days, and by this point it was familiar to him as his own body. He took careful aim, staring down the sights at the bloody mess on its chest, and fired, fast as he could pull the trigger. He saw more blood spurt from the creature’s chest as his shots hit. The creature started to move for him, but got distracted by another barrage of arrows from Arthur.

Move, move, get to new cover, move…

Cooper took the chance and ran for it.

Thing was: that should’ve worked. The creature had its head turned towards Arthur, who was still fearlessly firing arrows at it; Cooper should’ve been able to run past while it was distracted, get to new cover, and start firing again.

But there was always the risk that it’s attention wasn’t so completely fixed on Arthur that it wouldn’t notice Cooper running past. Cooper knew that—or, at least, he knew that everything had risk.

That didn’t stop him from feeling shocked when the creature’s battering ram came right for him.

“JACK - !”

His entire life didn’t flash before his eyes. Cooper wasn’t even sure he was scared. His mind was desperately scrambling, trying to find a way out of the situation. He felt himself try to dodge, his body not having caught onto the fact that it was too late, that he was literally between a rock and a hard place, that all he could do was stand there and await his fate…

His mind still thought he could get away.

He was quickly corrected by a lot of pain. First from the initial impact. Then again when he woke up.

“Easy, easy, easy…!”

He was lying on the ground. His chest burned and the air smelled of…what was that, ozone? Ozone and something deeply cold. His mouth tingled from the taste of his own blood. Arthur was crouched over him, one hand on Cooper’s chest. His eyes seemed even more blue than usual—in fact, everything about him seemed suddenly, weirdly more vibrant.

Especially the blood on his face.

“Shit…Art…” Cooper tried to shit up. “Fuck…”

“Shh, no, don’t move so quickly…” It took barely any pressure from Arthur to slow Cooper as he struggled to sit up. “You’re not in great shape. He smacked you pretty good.”

Oh. Right. The creature.

Oh, shit, the creature.

“Where…?” Cooper looked around. It took him a second to realize that one of the grey lumps was not, in fact, a rock, but the creature, lying motionless and dead. Its head was twisted at an unnatural angle and there was a truly disturbing amount of blood still oozing out from under its body. “Did you…?”

“You softened him up for me.” Arthur was smiling, but his eyes were terrified. He must’ve been really freaked out if Cooper could see it—he missed subtle facial expressions like that on a good day, forget when he was beat to hell. “I’m gonna help you up, okay? Move slowly…”

Getting up made his bones feel like they were on fire. The full weight of what had just happened only hit him then. I should be dead, he thought numbly. How the shit am I not dead?

“Okay, if you can’t walk, I can carry you…” He said that as if he wasn’t the only thing Cooper upright already. Cooper had to lean on him to even try walking, and even then he only made it three steps before his knees gave out. “Okay, yeah, I’m gonna carry you.”

Cooper thought about protesting. But he still felt lightheaded and the pain was really bad. He could handle being carried. He wasn’t that proud.

Arthur picked him up as easily as if he were carrying a baby. Cooper couldn’t help making a face; he appreciated the help, he really did, but Arthur was covered in blood, and now it was getting on Cooper, too. “How’d you kill him?” Cooper asked.

“Like I said, you softened him up for me.”

“His neck…”

“Hit a rock on the way down.”

That didn’t seem right. Cooper didn’t have it in him to argue, though. The pain was clouding his mind, making thinking harder than it should’ve been. He focused on breathing instead, feeling his ribs ache with every breath.

“You’re gonna be okay, Jack,” Arthur said quietly. “Just stay with me.”

Cooper did, kind of. He didn’t say anything else, but he did manage to stay semi-conscious. His mind kept drifting as they walked, jumping from thought to thought.

Being impressed that Arthur could carry him so easily.

Wondering if this was, in fact, the most physical pain he’d ever been in, or if that time he’d been beat to shit by IMC goons was worse.

Wondering how Arthur had managed to beat that thing on his own. Even if he argued that Cooper had “softened it up for him,” there was no way…

Was there?

As his eyes drifted half-shut, Cooper’s mind wandered back to the space between the two moments of pain—a time he wasn’t completely sure he could remember. It was completely possible that he’d been unconscious the whole time, only awoken by what he was pretty sure was a med pack hit from Arthur, but if he reached, he remembered two things.

A scream of rage and, following it, the smell of a storm.

#fic: you crazy assed-cosmonaut (remember your virtue)#series: hammer of the gods (will guide our ships to new lands)#god of war #titanfall 2 #respawn cinematic universe

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