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#feel like I am giving a speech at the Oscar’s or something
kooktrash · 8 months
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the art of obsession | kim taehyung
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summary: in a world of painters and poets, there were two college students looking for the right sort of inspiration. through devotion in your craft, you find yourself drawn to kim taehyung—a grad student painter who’s everything you’ve ever looked for in a character. his walk, his form of speech, his art, it all captivated you to the point where you wanted to recreate him in words and you begin to realize how similar the two of you really are. you share a sort of obsession in your work that seems like only each other could understand and he invites you into his world of oil paints and charcoals in hopes of drawing you on paper.
✎ genre/au: dark academia. college au. painter!taehyung x writer!y/n [afab. she/her]
✎ 17.4K words
“He’s more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.” — Wuthering Heights, Emily Brontë
warnings: smut. slight obsession with their work. prestigious college. tae literally takes oc to a graveyard. oc and tae dont take criticism well. unprotected intercourse. oral [f and m]. oc slobs on his knob and tae eats like it’s the last supper. missionary. side position. lowkey passionate sex. fireplace crackling. namjoon and oc used to be fwb. hints that oc and Jimin used to be fwb too. jungkook is tae’s sculpture artist bestie. jimin is oc’s ballerina bestie. namjoon is oc’s writer bestie.
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The smell of cigarettes was something you were fairly used to being around where you resided. You’re not sure what makes it so popular among young academics and sometimes you wonder if it’s not the need of nicotine but more so the aesthetic of it that they all seem to enjoy. It seemed to always linger in the air around campus where all the grad students would walk with their heads down and bags under their eyes as stress took over their entire being. You understand the stress but being an undergrad student yourself, you’re not sure you could understand the extent of it that they must feel. All you could really do is watch the way it slowly deteriorates their body every time they step into the library.
Maybe it’s the Literature major in you, but you never fail to try and assess each person that walks in as if you could see their entire character design and what makes them who they are. Today you got a bit lucky because despite how slow your homework had been going, your favorite case of study had just walked in wearing his usual black turtleneck tucked into a pair of loose corduroy pants. He wore a pair of rounded wire glasses that you love getting to see him in and they did wonders to conceal the eye bags you knew were there.
With this smallest hint of entertainment you’ve found through your long and boring study session with only one friend to confide in, you shut your copy of — excuse the pretentiousness — The Pictures of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde, and lowered the volume on your headphones enough to be more aware of the cause of his visit today. You rarely saw him in the library and if he did happen to come by it was to check out or check in a single book on Michaelangelo or Davinci.
You were surprised by how close he seemed to have gotten to you today. The table you studied at was only a couple feet away from a book aisle he had currently walked down and now he was just a meter or so away with his head down in his book. The usual smell of smoke surrounded him and despite scrunching your nose at the smell, you chose to ignore it and study him a little further. You even went as far as to lower your headphones until they curled around your neck giving him your attention even if he didn’t know he had it.
As much of an observer as you were, you never seemed to catch on to the way his gaze would shift to you any time you weren’t looking, eyes scanning your features rather quickly as he made his own assessment. You dressed warmly today, probably due to the fact that there’s been a light rain that has been casted over the city, always seeming to linger longer where the buildings were older and all signs of urban life seemed to dissipate. You were dressed in neutral tones today that placed you perfectly with your own surroundings and if this was a painting he’s sure you would be the focal point—or maybe the single spec of bright color you wore which was in this case your powder blue headphones. He’s not sure he’s ever used that specific shade of blue in a single one of his works before but maybe he’ll look into it.
He rarely visited the library but when he did it was always a pleasant surprise to see you there. He didn’t care much to get to know you, he just found the aesthetic of it all captivating. The library was beautiful, truthfully, with its dark wood shelves and polished tile floors that echoed with each step. It was eerily quiet and it always smelled of old books and always reminded him of a cathedral. There were large stained glass windows of poets, painters, dancers, etc. the clear glass windows overlooked the large pond that covered the back of the small campus where the woods began to take over and student life decreased aside from the occasional late night college party hosted there between trees and bonfires.
“He always comes into my work for paints. I wonder why he always pays in cash.” Your friend said, suddenly appearing next to you and not messing with the printer anymore. He must’ve caught sight of Taehyung before he left and considering he worked at a supply store, it was no surprise he recognized him.
“Maybe he hates banks,” you joked, turning to Jimin with a smile. Jimin pursed his lips staring down the aisle where Taehyung had disappeared once he had his book, “Maybe cash is more aesthetically pleasing. He’s an art major, isn’t he? I say he’s too pretentious to use a plastic card—or even worse, Tap to Pay.”
At that you laughed, deciding to continue the teasing of a man you barely knew while also trying to defend him, “Do people ever get tired of throwing words around?”
“Are you referring to my use of ‘pretentious’?” Jimin asked as he moved to the other side of the counter, “I used the term correctly, it’s an adjective meaning, ‘attempting to impress by affecting greater importance and culture than is actually possessed’. His refusal to adhere to society’s technological advances is pretentious in itself. I bet he still uses No. 2 pencils as an act of defiance against mechanical pencils—if he was a writer like you he would probably be more drawn to a pen but he’s an artist and artists make mistakes that get covered up or changed.”
You couldn’t help but smirk at that, “Tell me then, Jimin, what does a ballerina use to convey words? An Arabesque?”
Jimin released a loud groan, “I hate this goddamn school.”
You watched him open his newest generation laptop and hide behind it. He knew now how little room he had to talk. You, yourself, couldn’t utter a word to disagree with him either when in your hand was a Montblanc fountain pen that cost your parents a hefty 1,500$ to get to you when you were first accepted into the school. You’re sure when the time comes for you to finish undergrad, they’ll up the price and give you one worth 4,000$—the most profound amount of proof that you did in fact strictly use pens for everything.
You would never dare mention anything revolving around the money Taehyung’s family is rumored to have because you don’t know anything about him to do so.
All you knew were the few things you’ve noticed — a couple that even made it into your journal — like the fact that he specialized in two mediums; charcoal and oil paintings. He’s a known name at the University for his work and dedication and you saw that through one of his works. It was dark and a bit twisted but it told a story and you think that’s what drew you into him before you even knew it was him.
Despite his strong presence that always seemed to draw you in, he had a gift for making himself invisible in a group setting. He never spoke up in class, never caused a fuss, he was in and out like a shadow.
At the start of the semester you were taken by surprise when you found him sitting in one of the back rows of the lecture hall to an advanced anatomy class that you’re sure you took for very different reasons. Taehyung was interested in the study of the body so he could fully understand the way the it works from the inside out. He wanted to understand how each limb moved, how fluid each bone and muscle connected, how they could contort, see where the organs go, imagine the flesh coming to life when he painted.
In literature, anatomy isn’t referring to the human body. It refers to a separation of a topic into smaller parts for detailed analysis of the work. You did not make a mistake when you chose this lecture, you too wanted to study the body for your work. You wanted to learn how fragile it really was, how it could be destroyed, how hard it was to do so. You wanted to know about which bones were weaker, which organ puncture did the most damage. You need visuals and understanding of its healing process, of the way it moved, how the nervous system worked. Once you had a better understanding of the body, you just knew that you would be able to apply all these things to your writing. You would be able to detail how your character’s body deteriorated outside and in. How the body would slowly break down, which nerves were affected, how the heart worked in that moment. It would be gruesome but intriguing enough for your readers.
Maybe you needed to write something not so dark, something that didn’t make you take courses you didn’t really need but wanted in hopes that they’ll help you understand better. You didn’t actually need to go this far to describe a couple grueling scenes but it helped.
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The room was silent aside from the obnoxious sound of the clock, Tick… Tock… Tick… Tock…Ticking.
You stood at the front of your professor’s desk in his clustered office filled with classical literature books and awards for writing all over the shelves. His desk took up the majority of the space inside and whenever you were in here you couldn’t help but feel just a little suffocated. There were barely any words shared between the two of you, he only ever decided to truly grace you with his speech when he was critiquing and yet right now he’s been uncomfortably silent.
The silence had grown so long that you found your attention drifting toward the grandfather clock that was tucked away near the overwhelming stained glass window that overlooked the courtyard filled with wet and fallen leaves. The trees were bare and the fountain had a sculpture of a big swan with its wings spread in what looked like a dance. It always reminded you of the Swan Song, but you never knew if that was morbid of you. The idea of your University of Fine Arts decorating the campus in the black and white birds simply for decor always seemed strange to you too.
There was no way they would ever portray anything without meaning, or at least something not up for interpretation and yet every time you looked at one of the swans, you thought about the Swan Song, the way the bird’s wings were open beautifully with each detail chiseled into the stone. It looked like the swan’s final performance before its end. It wasn’t the sort of symbolism you liked to see at a school with such dedicated artists looking for a way to perfect every aspect of their work as if each one was their last.
“I like it,” your professor finally said, drawing your attention back to him in an instant, “Your writing has improved Y/n, I’m starting to really visualize the plot and I think it has a certain rawness to it that I’m not used to seeing from you.”
The corner of your lips turned upward like you wanted to smile but you wouldn’t fully allow yourself to. He hasn’t looked at you yet, his eyes stayed glued to your paper and it was clear he wasn’t done, “But it still feels stiff—well, the main character does. I can’t understand him yet, he’s just a mystery to me and not one I’m interested in unraveling. I can’t understand his depth and it’s becoming a big flaw in your writing. Everything else sounds wonderful, well articulated and with such emotion… that when I think of him all I see a huge lack of substance. He’s being drowned out by the rest and he’s supposed to be the one I follow when I read.”
You didn’t say anything as your jaw slowly clenched shut, eyes unwavering as he went on, “It’s like you have a lack of knowledge for human emotion and psychology, I’m not sure that’s something that can be easily fixed.”
“Does it make my writing bad?” You asked stiffly and he shook his head no.
“No, your writing is captivating but there’s a very huge disconnect I’m feeling from your characters,” he said, looking up at you, “It takes away the beauty of it.”
Your lips felt sewn shut as he handed you back your paper with all of his notes for you to fix and you felt like crying. You couldn’t even utter out a single word as you forced yourself not to react to his words and leave his office with your head held high.
What did he mean by disconnect? What more did he want you to do? What did you not understand about human emotion? You’re a human, what is there not to get? What else did he want from you?
These questions circled your head for what felt like an eternity, only confusing you more and more as you left for your next lecture. You spent the fifteen minute gap with your journal out jotting down every question that came to mind trying to see how you could find answers to these.
You sat alone in your row of seats waiting for other students to arrive and you took the time to brainstorm. He told you your characters lacked substance and implied that they were hard to visualize. He said that he can’t understand them, especially the lead and that he couldn’t be absorbed into a story about a character he doesn’t care for. He basically said that you lacked an understanding of emotional depth for the characters you write and therefore your stories will continue to have a disconnect until something changes. If only something could inspire you, maybe help you analyze these so-called emotions you couldn’t comprehend. You needed to remove some of the mystery around your character and really dive in on his arc, understand how he felt. How could you do that? It's not like you could fully visualize it yourself either unless you really began to study those around you more than you already do.
You sat up straighter in your seat and looked around as the lecture hall began to fill slowly. The room had a sort of ancient feel to it with long hazelnut rows of desks pressed side by side against each other in an amphitheater manner. There were diagrams and models of the human body plastered everywhere but none looked straight off of a doctor’s catalog. They looked like Davinci himself drew every skeleton in the room. It also had a small echo especially when the rain hit the wall or glass windows that sometimes tuned out the sound of talking students entering the hall.
You recognized most of the faces and the one who passed you as he went up a few rows seemed to distract you more than the others. Kim Taehyung didn’t wear glasses today but he wore a wool sweater and linen pants. There was a small splotch of gray paint on his knuckle that he hadn't seemed to notice as he swung his book bag onto the desk with a small thud, uncaring if anyone heard and ignored everyone around him.
He was similar to your character, almost. He always seemed closed off and unapproachable but behind his eyes was an aura of emotion that isn’t easily interpreted. You found yourself beginning to scribble down in your journal, just basic things you noted about him.
The lazy, bored look in his eyes that made him look tired and unamused by everything that happened around him.
Then there was his stance. He had good posture but when he sat down in his seat he leaned all the way back with his arms on the table like he was observing every person in the lecture hall, even you.
You knew this because for a second your eyes met with Taehyung’s and in that measly moment you just took in the sight of each other. Taehyung didn’t hold much expression in face but his fingers seemed to twirl his No. 2 pencil a little more intently now. He ran his gaze down from your eyes to the curve of your nose and curl of your lips. There was something about your facial features that he was delighted in studying. When you looked away and gave him a view of your side profile he leaned toward his desk more and the leather sketchbook that rested over his textbook was flipped open as he began to sketch you.
The drawing didn’t mean much to him, it was just a small doodle to pass time, his hands had to always be sketching and you happened to be his distraction today. Usually he doesn’t really pay attention to you when he’s in class, you sit far enough from each other that you never interact and when he catches you in the library you always seem lost in your own world.
He knows your name, he read your story last semester simply because it intrigued him. It was published on the school forum and won an achievement so he checked it out and it was good, your writing is intricate, or at least that’s what he thinks. He’s able to follow along to every word and not be bored or confused but with a certain degree of understanding that the reader needs to learn. There’s an aura of mystery around it, yet it was not something that he couldn’t comprehend and he thinks that’s why he was able to enjoy it.
At the end of the lecture he had three small drawings of you.
“Come on man, it won’t take long, just one drink,” Jungkook begged him for the third time in a row. Despite his friend’s darker exterior dressed in black jeans, a black tee, and a black leather jacket, he was way more outgoing. He was always trying to get Taehyung to go out for drinks or to party but he just doesn’t have the time.
“Not tonight,” Taehyung said as he opened up his pack of cigarettes and took one out, sliding it to his lips before burning the end with his lighter. He handed the pack to Jungkook who took it without question and did the same.
Jungkook released a sigh in disappointment, shaking his head a little as he said, “Whatever man, you say that every night.”
Taehyung shrugged his shoulders as he took a drag and pulled it out between his index finger and thumb, “Then get the hint.”
His friend wasn’t listening anymore, choosing instead to stare at the building in front of him, dimly lit from all the lamp posts. It was just after sunset and the only students around were probably working on assignments like Jungkook and Taehyung. Taehyung took advantage of the art room to work privately and in a bigger space while Jungkook worked in the warehouse where he could work on his new sculpture. Taehyung couldn’t understand why Jungkook cared about whatever was going on at the library till he casually looked over too.
“She looks familiar,” Jungkook said pointing to you as you walked down the sidewalk toward the bus stop. Taehyung looked too, you had a tote bag like most students around here and there was a butterfly clip in your hair but it still looked messy. Your hair was down earlier and at some point you decided to put it up and he realized now that he didn’t have a preference on how hair looks on someone. He likes the style you had earlier and the one you have now too because they enhance your features more.
“That’s Y/n,” Taehyung said casually as they went to the parking lot. Jungkook looked at him curiously before glancing back at you, “You know her?”
Taehyung didn’t have an answer for that so he didn’t give one, he just walked ahead wondering the same thing. “Let’s get a drink,” Taehyung finally gave in and Jungkook immediately cheered. “Yes! Okay, don’t worry, just one.”
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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder… that is what every artist has ever been taught. Taehyung has never been able to disagree with a statement more than that one. There is not beauty everywhere, it is not as inclusive as one might think and to truly understand art in the many forms it could take, one needs to understand the meaning of genuine beauty.
It’s quite terrifying in a sense, for one to be able to lose control and fall for the Dionysian seduction and view beauty for what it truly is. It is a raw and exhilarating topic that cannot be defined by just looks or words but more the freedom of life, life is beautiful in its own twisted way and to accept that definition is to be able to portray that in what you do. That’s why Taehyung’s art tends to lean toward a more dark and twisted form. When he creates art he’s not just looking at creating something nice to look at or something with a hidden meaning that no one would ever truly understand. When he creates, he wishes to express human emotion through his work—he wishes to make others feel things they’ve never felt before and that is the beauty he is chasing after.
Beauty is not a person but a feeling and when he looks at you he seems to understand that better.
It’s not just your outward attractiveness that draws him in. It’s the terrifying beauty that you radiate in your gaze, in your mannerisms, in your writing. It intrigues him and if he could put you on a canvas and unravel everything inside you — your fears, your joys, your tears — he would but till then you’re nothing but a familiar stranger that invades his mind when he least expects it.
“Taehyung, your work is beautiful,” his professor said, “Everything you create is effortlessly perfect but…”
He waited with a bated breath, already not liking where this was getting. He watched closely to the way she tilted her head in curiosity, “It’s rather dark, don’t you think? Maybe hard for interpretation an—“
“It’s not made to be interpreted by anything but the way it is,” Taehyung said boldly, “Once art is set for others to create a new meaning for it, is it ever truly art?”
“I guess I am not understanding what you mean,” she said leaning forward against her desk.
Taehyung released a sigh like this conversation with his senior was tedious, “When you look at Picasso’s work, do you think he created it for others to understand? Or was that something that people began to believe? He created art that was unconstraining to himself and his life.”
“Yes but look at Salvador Dali, the entire aspect of surrealism that he used was to unleash the power of imagination and creativity. You can’t just shut your art into a small box for the sake of aesthetic,” she said and that made him scoff, his lip curled in distaste, “And let’s look at Monet? He’s practically what started the entire idea of Impressionism.”
“What it meant to him, how he viewed it at that moment, that was all,” Taehyung said, which made the advisor release a sign, “Claude Monet once said, everyone pretends to understand his art, as if it were necessary to understand when it is only necessary to love.”
“I’m afraid this conversation will go back and forth if we continue,” she said with a huff, already irritated by the way things are going, “The exhibition is in three months, in a month I’ll connect with you on how everything is looking and give you the rundown as well is there anything else you need from me, Mr. Kim?”
Taehyung shook his head and without a goodbye he was getting up from his seat and storming out. Not even a second after the chestnut double doors shut, did he find himself reaching into the pocket of his jeans to get his pack out. The cigarette sat perfectly between his lips as he blocked one side with the hand so the wind didn’t blow his lighter out and he lit the tip, ignoring the ‘No Smoking’ sign just a couple feet away. He couldn’t help but mumble, “Stupid bitch,” under his breath once he finally left the building.
As he rounded the corner, something hit his chest and his free hand immediately the person steady in front of him.
Your hand was on his chest to keep from hitting him and as you looked up, your eyes widened just slightly. Taehyung didn’t say anything as he let you go, brushing against your side and moving around you to leave feeling your eyes on him. You watched him head the way you just came from and finally snapped out of it when you heard your friend call for you.
He turned to look for you seeing you already walking over to some tall and muscular guy. The guy gave you a dimpled smile as he followed after you, no longer in Taehyung’s peripheral.
“Maybe he has a point, Y/n,” Namjoon said as he walked with you to the bus stop, “If you’re struggling then maybe you should think about altering the character more.”
You shook your head in displeasure, “No, I’m not going to change him, I just need to be able to visualize his characteristics.”
Namjoon released a sigh as he pondered over what advice to give you, but came up blank, “I mean… maybe you just need some real inspiration from those around you. ”
The both of you went silent trying to find a solution and you looked up at him curiously. Namjoon would be an amazing reference for a character but he doesn’t fit the image you want him to. He was like light, he was kind hearted and charming and so unbelievably smart but that’s not how you envisioned the main character in your story. The kind of character you had in mind was supposed to act similar to… well, Taehyung. He’s supposed to be a bit mysterious, cold, not necessarily a likable character but someone they can’t help but be curious about.
“Namjoon,” you called his name and for a moment he grew hopeful to the idea that maybe you were thinking of studying him the way you do with others—even if he knew that would never happen. Instead, you came to a stop and looked up at him, “I forgot my laptop in the ffice, I’ve gotta go get it.”
His brows furrowed, looking down at your tote bag, “I’ll come wit—“
“No, you have to work, right?” You asked, already backing away from him, “I don’t want to make you late, I’ll just catch the next bus.”
Before he could argue, you were already taking off in a hurry back down the way the two of you came from. With a sigh he watched you leave wondering why he always seemed to be a couple steps behind you and never beside you. All he’s done since he met you was follow your lead in friendship and outside of it.
Even when the two of you had sex months ago it was always when you wanted and never when he did. If he even thought to ask, all you did was blow him off and then question him on if he’s seeing anyone at the moment. In the same second you would press your lips to his cheek and remind him how much you adored him even when you blew him off he always found the act of it a bit poetic.
He loved you, but it’s a love unreturned and if he wants to stay by you, it has to be with him at the back of your mind and never at the forefront.
With that understanding, he had no choice but to let you go back toward campus walking across fallen leaves and dead branches while he went to the bus alone.
Your legs had taken off before you could even decide where to go and in the end you found yourself heading back the way in which you met with Namjoon—and also the way you bumped into Taehyung. You were never much of the shy type even if it appeared that way, your friends always said you were the selective type—only choosing who to be outgoing with and even then it was rare and required a lot of work to get to you.
They had it easy, Jimin was a childhood friend and Namjoon was in the same writing department as you but that’s as far as your circle went. Well, no, there’s Yoongi too but he’s a pianist and these days he’s so busy with lessons and trips to the orchestra, you barely see him.
Like stated, you were selectively social and right now, you were choosing to find Taehyung so you could formally talk to him. It took you about ten minutes of mindlessly walking through the courtyard to locate him and when you did, you came to a halt. He was just a few feet away now, cigarette between his lips, crouched down against the wall of some historic looking building with castle-like elements and you know he saw you coming when he turned his head and looked right at you.
That was the push that had you walking toward him and saying, “Kim Taehyung?”
“Yes?” He asked, looking you up and down, eyes unable to help themselves as he looked up from your legs to your face. You wore a black fitted turtleneck underneath a brown sweater vest tucked into a black skirt. You wore long 70s style brown boots and mesh tights too. Your hair was pinned back with a hair clip and pins and your ears were lined with simple yet pretty earrings. When his gaze finally met yours, he couldn’t help but take in the sight of you once more.
“My name is—“
“I know your name,” he said with a small glint in his eye, “Obviously.”
You didn’t pull away from his intense stare and watched him bring the cigarette back to his lips, “I thought it would be more appropriate to introduce myself.”
“Mm,” he exhaled looking down at the cement below his feet, flicking the end of the cigarette to let ash fall, “So what could I do for you, Y/n?”
He looked up once more and you bit your lip in thought, “If you are free, I wanted to see if you’d like to get a coffee with me.”
“I don’t like coffee,” he said, finally putting the thing out and standing up, “And it’s almost sunset.”
You blinked in surprise as he stood in front of you now but you didn’t back away, “Then we’ll just have dinner.”
“Thanks,” Taehyung swung his bag over his shoulder, “But I’m kind of busy, I’ve got somewhere to get to.”
He was already walking away to hide his look of surprise. He didn’t expect the two of you to ever really talk and he didn’t really know what to do. He ended up rejecting before he could even truly think it over. He imagined you as just a fantasy — nothing he could ever explore but that he could dream about. He just wanted to look and think about you but never know anything beyond what was on the surface—like a painting.
“And you can’t have a plus one?” You asked in your final effort to get closer to him completely unaware of what he thought of you. You watched him come to a stop, and for a moment you tried to imagine him contemplating. Taehyung turned to face you, “I’m not going anywhere fun.”
You stayed quiet as he went on, “And some might find it scary.”
It seemed like he was trying to warn you as if to let you back out of your own proposal but he wasn’t saying no and that was hopeful. You tilted your chin higher, “As long as you don’t plan on murdering me, I’m sure I’ll be fine.”
That made the corners of his lips turn upward in an arrogant smirk, “Okay, Y/n, follow me.”
The walk wasn’t too far from the college but the college was already a bit on the outskirts of the city. All you saw were green, dying hills as autumn threatened to take over and it took you a second to understand where he was taking you until he was leading the way down a steep hill toward an empty and cold graveyard. It was a straight line of jagged tombstones and overgrown plant life entwined around them. There were clear dirt paths leading down row after row of old graves and a few Angel statues but nothing too bad, at least that’s what you’re telling yourself.
“I told you, you might be scared,” Taehyung said as he walked parallel to the graveyard toward a tree that stood tall along the sloping hill, “But this is the best view of twilight, if you want, I could walk you back to campus.”
“No, it’s fine,” you cleared your throat deciding to walk ahead of him so you could be the one sitting upright against the tree. Taehyung dropped his backpack a few feet away from you and began getting his things out.
You didn’t question him, only observed the way he carried on like you weren’t even there. It’s not like you minded, you didn’t have any real agenda to get him to spend time with you and frankly, you felt a bit relieved to see that he wasn’t trying to figure out what you wanted. It was unspoken the way the two of you seemed to think similarly and brought out your tools.
Taehyung didn’t say anything when he flipped his sketchbook open and found a charcoal he could use as he began to sketch without much thought into it. He even made himself comfortable by lying back, using the angle of the hill to help him not lay horizontally and he bent a knee up as a sort of flat surface he could rest his book on. There was a small breeze that carried through his linen shirt and brown trousers but he wasn’t much worried about himself.
He was more worried about you, who had asked to spend time with him but had no real plan to do so. He’ll admit, when he said no it was just on reflex from all the other times he’s out right rejected others before but he only thought it over because he’s been curious of you two. When you told him you would join him for a moment he debated saying no again because this was his favorite place to be to watch the sunset but it wasn’t all that normal. He even tried to warn you and offer to take you back when you saw the graveyard but you didn’t even seem to care when you sat down. Now that he’s looking at you up close, he can see the way your brows furrowed in concentration as you scribbled in your journal, already feeling inspiration.
It’s now that Taehyung is realizing why he’s been so curious. He finds you beautiful, he’s sure he’s mentioned that before, but he finds you beautiful in an unsettling way. Just looking at you seemed to send him into a wave of emotion like you’re exactly what he’s wished to create on canvas. Before he even knew what he was doing, his hands were working away to make another sketch, eyes on you as he worked.
“What are you writing in that little journal of yours?” He found himself asking after some time. The sketch was rough and yet it was so refined that there was no mistaking what it could be. It was a monochromatic sketch of you with your back against the tree, legs straight before you and your hair covering your face with the howl of the wind. Your hands looked delicate when you wrote and you looked so lost in your own work that managed to capture that same essence in his drawing.
When you first looked at him, your eyes went down to the pack of cigarettes he was now messing with and out of curiosity he raised it to you as if asking if you wanted one. Moving to sit forward, you took one and held it between your lips as he dug into his pocket for his zippo lighter, flipping it open and bringing it toward your face to light the cigarette. He watched curiously as you leaned back a little, took an inhale/exhale, and said, “I’ll tell you if you show me what you’ve been doing in that little sketchbook of yours.”
For some reason a small smile came to his face as he laid on his side using his elbow for support and reached over to hand you the sketchbook. You took it with a sense of excitement that quickly turned into disbelief as you looked at it. The back of your index finger hovered over it but never touched for fear that you would smudge it or worse—ash, and when you finally handed it back to him, wordlessly, his cold fingers brushing against sending a warm current down your arm.
At this exchange, Taehyung moved to sit up, not bothering to brush off any loose grass blades off his linen shirt and read over a short passage.
A certain coolness in his gaze that made him appear cruel.
A charming aura that seemed timeless, not modern but ancient like he was created from every classic literature known to man.
His gaze, his smile, his voice—all deep like red velvet.
The list went on, each short sentence followed by another in what one could assume was meant to describe him. He didn’t say anything either as he handed it back to you the same way you had done with his sketchbook. Neither of you were looking for critique or praise, more so acknowledgement of what the other had been doing and once you had it, it was enough.
Taehyung stared forward as the line of bright Orange finally vanished from the sky and a cool blue clouded it. The atmosphere shifted now as darkness began to swim across the sky and you both knew it was time to go. Nothing was said as you both stood up with your things and even less was brought up on your walk back to campus.
It wasn’t until you stood at the bus stop that Taehyung decided to ask, “Are you busy tomorrow?”
“No.”
He pulled out a piece of paper from the pocket in his trousers followed by a pen as he scribbled something down before handing it to you, “Meet me here at 8:00pm.”
You didn’t have to say anything for Taehyung to know you would show and he left without much of a goodbye.
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The place you arrived to at 8:00pm on the dot wasn’t exactly what you had in mind but it wasn’t much of a surprise either—it was a warm record bar. The one thing that did seem to surprise you was Taehyung’s choice in music where he preferred jazz over classical. The bar was dimly lit only by shaded, vintage lamps and the small yellow candles near all the booze. The walls were lined with vinyls and the deep mahogany trimming gave the record bar a sort of dark academic charm to it.
When you found Taehyung he was sitting at a small round table fit for two and he had a book in hand—The Picture of Dorian Gray. He wore his usual metal wiring rounded glasses and his dirty blonde hair seemed quite soft and full of life. The dark brown sweater he wore matched well with his tan slacks and you didn’t miss the way eyes would fall on him. It was this charming, educated college boy with a rich father sort of energy that radiates off him, but also the clear look of disinterest written all over his face and it made people curious.
You debated calling his name to let him know you were here but when he looked up in time to catch you walking his way, you were aware that he had been waiting for you and checking the door every couple seconds. Taehyung didn’t shy away from taking in the sight of you in an olive green maxi dress paired with a thin white cardigan tied together at the top of your breasts and below your collarbone. You wore black boot heels this time and when you sat down in front of him he couldn’t help but look at your face now.
“You’re late,” he said as he closed his book and set it to the side. You didn’t even bother to look at the Swiss watch on your wrist as you said, “It’s 8:00, like you said.”
“Yes but what I meant was 7:55 which should have translated to 7:45,” he said annoyingly arrogant as he slid a menu toward you, “As per the rules of a first date.”
His tone was serious as was his body language and yet you could see the hint of amusement in his attempt to hide a smile. You smiled softly, setting your bag down next to you, “I was unaware this was a first date.”
“So you assumed this was the second?” Taehyung had a teasing tone now, “I, personally, would not call an evening together at the cemetery a first date.”
“I do say, I’m a bit surprised to even know you consider this a date after we barely talked at all yesterday,” you said as a waitress came over with a customer service smile. Conversation floated between you two with ease.
“Are we ready to order?”
Taehyung looked at you but you weren’t all that hungry so he ordered a single slice of pastry for the two of you to share, “Yesterday was just to enjoy and accept the presence of one another, tonight is to communicate and learn.”
Taehyung never cared much for investing time into someone he was with, usually if he ever showed any interest in someone or was short lived. He’s not sure what would happen exactly but once the excitement of pining for someone romantically wore off… he just did not care anymore. There was too much to handle and he didn’t have time for any of it—not the clinginess, the crying, the whining. God, the whining got to him.
Why do you ignore me so much?
You’re always too busy painting to notice me?
Taehyung, I just want you to spend time with me.
It was the constant whining that he hated because they just did not get that he was completely devoted to his art and nothing else mattered as much as it did. Yes… maybe the small ounce of excitement he felt helped inspire him but… well he does not need whoever he slept with anymore.
The infatuation had worn off and he’s back to being alone again but now he’s a little too curious about you. Hence, why he asked you out first and in such a haste.
“Alright,” you said, “So then tell me something small, for instance, what time did you arrive? 7:45?”
“7:30 actually,” Taehyung said as he lifted his mug of hot tea to his lips, “I had business to take care of around campus and I didn’t want to make the trip back home.”
“Well if you asked for my number I would’ve arrived sooner.”
“It takes away the romantic aspect of waiting for the other to arrive without hearing from them—maybe I’ll write you a letter instead,” he teased. You just laughed softly and asked, “I didn’t peg you as much of a romantic. And what business?”
“Nothing too important.” Taehyung said vaguely and despite your curiosity you didn’t push him to answer. The corner of his lips raised as he looked at you, looked at him and found himself saying, “But as for being a romantic? It depends on who you ask.”
You focused on what he said about that instead of what his business was and that made him happy. What he did was not that important but it was necessary after what had happened with his advisor. He still couldn’t wrap his mind around what she had told him and in the end he made and impulsive decision to gift her something that might make her see things from his point of view. Of course it was slightly biased but he believed his piece really explained his views on beauty enough for her to understand.
Taehyung delivered two paintings to her inbox earlier. The first one was a more finished painting of you, still slightly distorted and a bit dark but there was no hiding the romantic element that radiated off of it. He called it ‘Genuine Beauty’. The second painting was a distorted and bright picture of his professor with exaggerated features that weren’t pleasing to the eye and he called it, ‘Beauty in the Eye of the Beholder’.
A true sentient on what he thought of her words. He wanted to know how she would twist the grotesque image of herself into something beautiful.
“What have you been up to aside from writing me?” Taehyung asked, looking at you with interest.
“Aside from that, I’m afraid not much else,” you confessed, “I’ve been in a sort of dry spell trying to understand my character.”
“Tell me about them.”
“Well, it’s a him and he’s similar to you.”
He listened closely to each word you said, taking in the curve of your mouth when you talked and the way you gestured with your hands. He’ll admit, the character did seem very similar to him so he can understand your curiosity in him and the fact that you seemed to lose yourself in your craft didn’t go unnoticed by him. He simply nodded his head and replied with short answers when asked.
In the end, he offered the only thing he could, “Let me be your case of study then, and in return you’ll be mine.”
You smiled this time, a small arrogant smile as you said, “Will you paint me like one of your French girls?”
He understood the reference and found himself saying, “If you write me like one of the lovers in your poems.”
By the end of the night you found yourself in the back of a taxi driving straight to his place under the pretense of another drink. Conversation seemed to flow with ease between you and it ranged from Davinci to Monet, Shakespeare to Milton and whatever was in between. Even when Taehyung asked such a heavy question, you didn’t seem to struggle to find an answer.
“Do you believe in love?” He had asked as the cab stopped in front of a house similar to an upstate New York townhome. He had you by the hand helping you out of the car and held onto you as he led you up the stone path.
“I have to, I’m a writer,” you told him and he seemed to pull you into him more.
“But what is it that you believe it to be?”
The question did make you think a little bit. It’s not that you thought Taehyung had an ulterior motive in asking you such a thing; it’s not like the two of you were seriously into the idea of it but you wanted to give him the right answer—one that truly described you and your ideals.
You didn’t answer his question right away as he let you into his home which was no different than what you imagined it to be. His apartment was in an old building turned into luxury Victorian styled apartments with modern eclectic touches. It was a put-together mess of sketches and canvases littered around the place. The floor was made of a dark, polished hardwood and his furniture all seemed worn through with velvet cushions and engraved wooden trimmings. He had floor-to-ceiling bay windows with twine hanging across them and papers clipped on with laundry pins to dry. There was a warm feel to the place and it had everything to do with his dedication to earthy tones and shades of Morocco red.
There were painting supplies everywhere from scattered charcoals and cans of linseed oil for his paints. There were stacks of literature books and various art ones piled high on nearly every surface and yet it all seemed to be organized to what you could assume only he could understand. Taehyung didn’t even seem to mind the clutter as he chose instead to ask, “Red or White?”
“Red.” You responded quite simply before resuming your studying of his place, the fireplace on one wall was surrounded by canvases and books—same as the vintage bookshelf and for a moment you wondered if his bedroom looked any similar. The thought vanished quickly when you got the smallest hint of which room that might be from the open door down the hall. He had plain gray sheets on an unmade bed and the furniture in there was scarce, like he barely spent any time there and if he did it wasn’t to sleep—the bags under his eyes told you so.
“Have you thought of an answer to my question yet?” Taehyung asked, reminding you yet again of what he asked earlier. He handed you a wine glass and you took it with a nod in gratitude as he left you to find a record to play.
“I’ve had an answer all along, I just wasn’t sure how you would feel about it,” you said and you could see him smile as he moved the needle over the start of the vinyl, Nocturnes, Op 9 began to play.
“I’m not looking for anything in particular, just an insight on what you think,” he said honestly and with a small sigh you decided to tell him.
“I think love is more so… a choice than an emotion?” You finally said as you watched him take a seat on the floor near his coffee table instead of the velvet couch behind him. He motioned for you to join him, “How so?”
“Anyone can feel love at any given moment but it is fleeting,” you sat down, knees nearly touching his, “Tell me, have you ever felt in love before?”
Your question seemed to catch him off guard yet he answered as bluntly as he would regarding anything else, “Only with my paintings.”
“And that had been a choice, to continue, right?” You asked, “Love like every emotion is temporary and inconsistent. Yes, doing certain things or being with certain people might invoke these feelings but once that has dwindled it is your choice to remain in that constant state of loving something—or someone. I love writing, I always have because it is my choice. I choose to subject myself to the hardships that come with my work even at times where I think I hate it. Even at times when I choose to give up I think about the joy it brings me, the emotions that pour out of me and onto every letter and word I put down on paper. I choose to love writing, I choose to devote myself to it and I choose to put it above anything else in the world, even my own relationships.”
Taehyung could see it in your eyes how strongly you felt about it. Your answer had gone slightly off topic but he understood your reference to it in every word you spew, “So when I say I believe in love… I don’t mean it in regards to a feeling that transpires throughout inconsistently, but I mean it as a choice to continue to feel that way even when it hurts and I can’t take it any more.”
A silence seemed to drag on between you and for a moment you wondered if you said too much and sounded too stupid. Taehyung seemed to inhale and exhale at once, “Well, I do say, we have very similar ideals. I don’t think I could’ve put it into better words than a writer even if I tried.”
You couldn’t help but smile, hiding it behind your wine glass, “Maybe you’ll paint them instead.”
“Maybe, I’ll paint you instead,” Taehyung said with a pale yet serene expression like he was scared to speak his words and exhilarated by them all the same.
How could someone seem to get lost and sound so dazed when talking about writing? Did writing mean as much to you as his art did to him? Is that why there was never a need for many words to be spoken between you? Was that why he was able to enjoy your presence so long and so quickly when before you would never even speak? Was there always this underlying connection between your minds and how you viewed art and your world?
You rested your glass on the table as you took in his living room again and all its character, there was a set of paintbrushes just laying on his table and you reached for one. The wood was smooth between your fingertips as you twisted it before looking up at him with a curious gaze, “With one of these?”
Taehyung simply nodded his head watching you lift your skirt up just enough to expose a bit of leg and you brushed the art tool against your calf, “It’s soft.”
His tongue ran over his lips and he leaned forward to gently take the brush back. You were nearing an apology for taking it without asking him first but he simply scooted closer to you on the blanket he laid beneath you and placed your legs over his, skirt of your dress rising even further until he was running the brush over the curve of your knee, “I use it to blend shadows, like this.”
The brush felt soft against your skin, sending tingles down your spine as he ran it over you in circular motions, eyes on yours.
“I tried painting once,” you said as his finger slowly traded with the brush until he was softly touching you, “I wasn’t that good, I couldn’t portray the right picture.”
Taehyung just smiled as he felt you hand go over his while taking the brush back until you were tracing the curve of his wrist, “Paint with your words, and show me you’d write me, like your character.”
“He is very similar to you,” you said, “In almost every aspect and I didn’t realize that until today.”
“Mm,” Taehyung hummed in content when you lifted the brush toward the collar of his unbuttoned shirt, teasing him without realizing it. You seemed to use the brush against him without much thought of what you were doing and how it affected him. You should know, though, that the feel of his art tool against his skin would feel good to him. The soft bristles tickled his collarbone, “How would he make love?”
That seemed to catch you by surprise as you slowed your touch to look up at him. He just bit his lip, hand on your leg caressing it as he waited for your response. Without missing a beat, you said, “Slowly, starting with a sweet kiss.”
A small smirk came to his face, one that only he could pull off without looking cocky. He looked smart and pretty with his glasses and blonde hair, when he spoke he made it sound poetic and when he looked at you it felt like he was focused on whatever was beneath the surface. You watched him push his glasses up the slope of his nose and before you knew it, he was leaning closer, lithe fingers coming up to touch your chin and tilt your jaw.
Although you knew what was coming, there was no denying the small second of hesitation that coursed through you when his lips so tenderly pressed against yours, his voice low as he asked, “Like this?”
You licked your lips despite the extremely small space between yours and his and without the ounce of hesitation from earlier, your hand came up to his neck where you pulled him into you for a real kiss. It started off slowly just like the two of you knew it would but there was no denying the desire that laced throughout it. At first all that happened was your mouths moving against each other, getting used to the idea of kissing — something neither of you have done in a while. Then, it became more feverish. If possible, you seemed to move closer with your hand on his thigh to support yourself. You were on your knees leaning into him and he had a single hand against the floor to support his sitting position while the other was cupping your chin for the best angle. There was a growing intensity between your mouths, lips moving more forcefully now, saliva gradually increasing when you felt his tongue make a swiping motion against your lips.
“Or like this?” His voice had become more hoarse with need. He enjoyed feeling the way your body seemed to lean toward his and he seemed to ask, “What would he do next?”
“It’s not what he would do next,” you said as you moved without your own violation and trailed your lips along the curve of his jaw, “But what would happen to him next.”
Taehyung’s head seemed to tip back as he used both of his hands to keep him upright while you moved between his patted legs to kiss down his neck. He licked at his lips, slowly blinking at the first feel of your tongue licking his ear lobe before you sucked it into your mouth making a tingle run down his spine. Your warm breath tickling his ear made his breath bitch and it didn’t take you long to realize that you had found his weak spot. Unable to help yourself you brought your mouth back to his for a kiss that was much needier than any of the ones prior.
“Y/n,” Taehyung’s throat was dry and it made his voice raspier than usual, “Touch me more.”
The words surprised you. You didn’t take him for much of a womanizer but you didn’t think he would seem this touch starved. The last person you had slept with had been your dear friend, Namjoon, and when you realized feelings were beg bring to get involved you were to end the rendezvous that had transpired between you two in an effort to save the friendship and his feelings. You couldn’t explain why you could never see him as more than a friend—and you couldn’t explain why it was so easy to view Taehyung as something more. Your mind had been drawn to him before your body and yet it all felt the same.
You began to crawl away from him and in an effort to keep this going, he went after you with another kiss before your hand touched his chest to keep him in place. It got to the point where Taehyung wasn’t sure if it was the cashmere brown sweater he wore that made his body heat up, or if it was being too close to the fireplace but he felt himself begin to break into a sweat.
He stretched his legs out before him when he got the hint of what you wanted to do watching you shimmy down until you were nearly eye level with his pants and the evident bulge becoming more prominent with each passing second. Taehyung was not ashamed of how quickly you seemed to get to him and his body’s reaction to you. Sex was a normal thing, it was poetic and passionate if done with the right person and he hasn’t done it in a while—a long while. It was completely normal for him to release a light gasp when your hand grazed his inner thigh just inching toward his growing erection.
The two of you made eye contact once more, his lip caught between his teeth and his eyelids low in a lustful gaze that matched your own. There was a strong attraction toward each other — infatuation if you will — and you can’t say there’s romantic feelings between you but there’s no denying that there has been the underlying sexual tension that rose from a clear understanding of each other’s devotion to your work. It turns you on to know he seems to connect with your ideals.
You didn’t even realize Taehyung had moved a hand behind you until he was pulling on the back of your head to drag you back into a needy kiss. Your hands had already gone toward his slacks and you had been unzipping the front as the two of you made out once more. Taehyung’s hand fell back to the ground with a groan as you yanked at his underwear making him lift his hips enough for them to come down with his pants. A small hissing sound left his lips as his hard dick finally made its appearance, springing free of its right confines, hard enough to already angle toward his navel.
Taehyung was not ashamed by the way his stomach caved in with a deep breath at the first feel of your hand wrapping around his tip spreading the beads of precum that had already dribbled out the slit. His tongue was in your mouth, sliding against yours with you swallowing each groan he let out when you began to stroke his length slowly from base to tip. Like earlier, when you tried pulling away from the kiss to catch your breath, he was following after you to stop you from breaking apart from him.
A thin line of drool connected your mouth to his as you finally pulled back, biting down on your lip. He watched you look down at his exposed member, leaning down until you were face to face with it. His long fingers curled around your hair, slowly pushing your head down just a middle until he felt the first tender lick of your tongue along his tip. Taehyung’s entire body reacted to the way you tentatively licked his head teasingly making a small shudder travel right through him.
You have to say, Taehyung has one of the prettiest dicks you’ve ever seen and you just couldn’t help but want to savor it. It was just so pretty and you found yourself wanting to play with it some more. Your hand held onto him at his base as you ran your tongue down the side of his length lathering it in drool to aid your closed fist.
His brows scrunched together as he attempted to watch what you were doing. He could feel your hand jerking him off as you teasingly kissed up his side and tip, tongue swirling around his slit that leaked precum. He just couldn’t see you over the bulk of his sweater.
With an annoyed huffed, he released your hair to pull at his sweater with one arm as he brought it up toward his chest and tucked it under his jaw. Just as he had it fixed, a low and deep sound vibrating in his chest feeling your lips finally surround his tip, sucking gently before relaxing and taking more of him inside. You made yourself relax so you could loosen your jaw enough to accommodate his length as you began to suck him off, tongue licking along the bottom side everytime you bobbed your head up and down.
You had a firm hand on his upper thigh as the other was at his base against his pelvic bone to hold his hips down and let your mouth do all the work. His sweater slipped from under his chin making him groan as he threw his head back, “So good.”
He kept his gaze on the ceiling taking in the feel of your warm and tight mouth taking his cock so deeply. You looked up at his stomach trying to see his face but with the way his head was tilted back, you just couldn’t. All you could see was his chest rise and lower with each breathy sigh he let out, ducking his cock deeper down your throat.
Unable to help yourself, you moved your hand to his navel, feeling his breathing better and he needed to see what you looked like with his dick in your mouth.
He held the end of his sweater between his teeth as he stared down the expanse of his torso to where you laid between his legs swallowing around his cock with a dark look in your eyes that had him muffling a moan.
His hips bucked helplessly into you making you swallow more and more of his length till you couldn’t breathe properly anymore and needed to get off. The hand you still had on his dick began to stroke him, wrist flicking on each upward stroke to make your palm run along his slit while you caught your breath. You watched him in complete awe, he was so hard and his balls tightened against that you couldn’t help but lick between them.
"Fuck," the sweater made it hard to hear him as hw sank his teeth into it feeling it begin to moisten annoyingly so bur he was not going to miss the sight of you kissing below his cock to his balls.
When you finally decided to take him back in your mouth there was no slow build up, it was quick and sudden as you took him down your throat to the point where you gagged around him. The way he bit into the sweater looked like a restraint and he looked so pretty with the fire reflecting off his tan, bare chest and his blonde hair was just a knotted mess from how often he shook it.
“Y/n, you feel so good,” You were never much of a talker during sex, especially if it wasn’t genuine and just superficial dirty talk but he sounded so good moaning your name even if you couldn’t hear him properly.
There wasn’t much warning aside from the incessant moaning that fell from his lips and was swallowed in cashmere for you to know he was close. His hips bucked messily into your mouth, cock twitching with the need to just let go and when you met your mouth with your fist jerking off the rest of him… he just couldn’t take anymore.
Taehyung’s head fell back with a dry moan as the urge to cum got the best of him and he let go in your mouth. You didn’t seem to mind either, once the surprise of the suddenness had worn off, you didn’t hesitate but to try and swallow as much of the thick semen as you could, not at all bothered by the taste of it. Taehyung had to let his sweater go to breathe heavily through his parted lips as he used his elbows to sit himself up in the blanket, trying to understand what had just happened.
“Mm,” you hummed, proud of yourself for making him cum down your throat and you sat up to look at him. Taehyung met your eyes with his feeling heavy with need as he licked his dry lips before forcing himself to sit up properly so he could drag you into a deep kiss. You released a light mewl in surprise, kissing him back eagerly with his hand below your ear on your neck guiding you to angle your head one way while he went the other.
There was not a single part of him that felt bothered at the taste of himself on your tongue, if anything it only made him want you more so he could repay you for treating him so well. Once you had gotten lost in your little makeout, it was easy for you to follow his lead as he moved over you to get you to lie down in his place. The only time he pulled away from you was to finally free himself from the confines of his stupid sweaters and kick off his pants the rest of the way. It didn’t take you long to get what he wanted and you hurried to remove your cardigan feeling the straps of your dress begin to slip off your shoulders. Taehyung dragged you to him, kissing along the exposed skin of your collarbone and shoulder, hands sliding down your back till they could inch the dress down and off of you, making you take it off through the bottom so he wouldn’t have to pull away again.
Your bra and underwear were made of a thin crème colored lace that looked pretty against your complexion and soft between his fingertips as he ran his hands over your covered breasts that had been taunting him all night.
A quiet gasp left your lips due to the way his lips kissed down the valley of your breaths, soft hair tickling your neck. Taehyung’s hands held onto your sides, sliding them up to the end of your bra, feeling you arch your back into his affections until he was able to move them under your to grab at the clasp. Once he was able to unhook it, he tugged it off your arms letting you throw it to the side and dragged him into another kiss when he cupped your bare tits in his warm hands, using his thumbs to rub over your hardening nipples.
“Taehyung,” you whined softly against him, eyes on the ceiling when he began to leave love bites along your neck, traveling his wet mouth lower and lower down your stomach.
“Hm,” he hummed in acknowledgement, making his way between your legs while his hands groped your chest loving the softness of your skin under his rough painter’s hands.
As Taehyung slipped further between your legs till his face was near your spread legs, he looked down. The lace underwear was transparent enough for him to see just a bit underneath and he could see a small shadow of slick over where your cunt should be. He tried to look up at you through his blonde fringe and you sat forward enough to brush it back, smiling as he pressed a teasing kiss against the hood of your clit over your underwear. You lied back down letting yourself relax feeling his fingers hook under the hem of your panties till he was tugging it off and move your thighs over his shoulders so he four fit snugly against you.
Taehyung didn’t waste time teasing you, he had already been so turned on that not even cumming down your throat was able to calm his raging hormones. He just wanted to have you as soon as he could, any way he could, and that meant with his tongue stiffening as he parted your folds around him before licking flatly toward your clit. A light moan left your lips as your clit immediately reacted to stimulation, a small gush of slick pushing out of your pussy with arousal. Taehyung was not inexperienced in the art of making someone cum undone on his to hue and that was becoming more and more evident with the way he made out with your cunt like it was your mouth.
“Oh my god,” you threw your head back, out of breath, as his tongue began to flick messily at your clit while hands slid further down your inner thighs until he was using his thumbs to pull your folds apart for him. You could feel your wetness begin to drip further down but he was quick to leave your clit and lap his tongue against your wet entrance where your arousal seemed to form a puddle at. With the way his thumbs kept you open, you felt everything.
Every now and then his thumb would teasingly push in just a little more than before, acting like he didn’t even notice he was doing it while he hungrily sucked on your clit, tugging it between his lips. His thumb was rubbing against your labia, pressing into it, teasing your entrance every now and then by pushing into it until he felt your legs begin to tremble around him. Unable to help himself, he got a big more rough, tonguing your clit with such effort that his head shook with eagerness, swallowing your slick and pressing his face into your cunt to taste all that you had to offer.
“Oh,” you breathed out shakily, hand sinking into his hair when he nosed at your clit, tongue joining his finger as he thrusted it into you, “I-I, oh god.”
“Mhm,” Taehyung nodded, urging you to let go of him and you had to bite your lip to keep from moaning. Your thighs tried shutting but his head didn’t let you and instead you pressed them against him making him groan with need, eyes nearly rolling as he doubled his efforts.
Your throat became dry as you planted heavily, hips bucking against his mouth until finally you felt the knot in your stomach come undone. His motions did not miss a beat in licking everything you had to offer as your orgasm came in a wave.
“S-so, good,” you breathed out tiredly feeling your pussy walls clenching around nothing and as much as you wanted to just be done, you needed him inside you. When he came up to kiss you, you wrapped your legs around his waist, pulling him flush against you so his hard cock rutted against your wet pussy. The taste of each other on your tongues was what made it easy for you two to want to keep going without the thought of repercussions. His hand slid between your sweaty bodies to hold his cock, lining it up with your entrance, bumping into your clue as he refused to break away from the kiss.
You wrapped your arms around his neck, holding him close as the two of you looked at each other with such need, such want that your lips didn’t spend too long apart from each other.
Your tongue met his just as his cock met the inside of your pussy, taking it slowly as he stroked himself with your slick to ease himself in better. His dick was rock hard, and your pussy was so fucking wet he couldn’t help but moan into your mouth as you took him in.
Taehyung has to hold onto you with a hand on your waist to keep you from sliding away from him too much as the blanket wrinkles on his wooden floor. He had his other tucked by the side of your head looking down at you lovingly as he finally began to thrust, “Tell me if it’s too much, love.”
“Mhm,” you said softly, legs falling apart even more to accommodate his as he dug his knees into the floor so he use his hips to fuck you better. A groan left his lips at the expert roll of your pelvis against his taking more and more of his length inside your tight walls.
“You make me feel so full,” you moaned gently into his ear as he dropped his head down against your neck to try and ignore the fact that your pussy around his dick without any protective layer between them felt so fucking good. You were already so close and he’s barely started. He fucked you slowly but firmly, getting himself used to being inside you and sucking on your neck, his hand left your hip to cup your breast once more and you gasped when he pinched your nipple.
“So tight,” Taehyung breathed out heavily with a single touch thrust that had your walls tightening around him, “So good for me.”
He did it again, and once again drew another moan out of you, repeating his thrusts more roughly than before until you were moaning out a string of his name.
Taehyung was well endowed and you never doubted that for even a second. He knew how to have sex, not just to fuck, but to have sex. It wasn’t just loud groans and rough thrusts. He was sensual, he kissed your neck, whispered sweet words of praise in your ear, touch your body as he fucked you almost passionately—unlike the usual guys you hook up with.
“It’s like you were made for me,” Taehyung groaned, brows scrunched together in concentration as he pulled back to sit and swing your right leg over him to press against your left until you were nearly lying on your side. He laid down next to you, curving his body against yours and lifting your leg back and held it up with his knee as he fucked you from the side. His lips were against your ear, whispering, “Just for me, like my own creation.”
“Mhm,” you hummed, “Just for you, please Taehyung, I’m so close.”
You looked straight out of a vintage erotica film. His apartment was warm due to the fireplace and comforting because of the classical music playing. The moon looked over you as you had sex, nearly love making, lying on your sides with his body cuddled into yours, fucking you with his cock while groping your breasts in his hands. You had to angle your head back and then your neck to kiss him and he swallowed your mouth with his, thrusts getting tougher as he curled around you, “Me too, love, all for you.”
“So paint me,” you moaned, fucking back against him.
For a moment he wondered if you meant on a canvas, or with his cock in your pussy, but he realized he would gladly do both if you let him. Your hand slid back to guide his hips into yours, “Cum, Taehyung, inside me, please.”
“Oh god,” a low growl left his lips as he dug his face into your hair, “Fuck, Y/n, d-don’t tempt me.”
“Do it,” your hand came up to his hair now, dragging his head toward yours until your lips met in a messy kiss, “I’m going to cum, Tae, please.”
It wasn’t a good idea. You were on the pill but he didn’t know that, all he knew was that he wasn’t wearing a condom and he wanted to fill you with so much cum that he painted you white.
“Mhm,” he moaned when you tugged on his bottom lip between your teeth and his hand pinched your hips, “Cum, Y/n, please—oh fuck.”
The only thing that came from you two was the sound of skin slapping as the urge to cum overtook you both and you were fucking like rabbits in heat. Nothing but animalistic grunts left him as he finally felt the flood of release you let go around with him with a whine of his name and before he knew it, he was cumming.
You immediately felt full with his release as it joined yours, cock pulsing inside you as he waited a moment to reel his emotions back in, sweaty forehead pressed against yours, “So good.” He hugged you closely, breathing heavily into your neck, softly kissing your skin affectionately.
It took you both some time to regain awareness of what had just happened and you lied on the fur blanket he had tossed on the floor. The fire sizzled behind you and some classical song [you were ashamed to admit you didn’t know] was playing. Taehyung seemed to be more in control of himself now and reached up to his small table in search of his pack. Once he had a cigarette between his lips, he lay back down next to you to catch his breath, pressing it to yours next.
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There was a sort of glow to your skin, your eyes shined with the night sky reflecting through the windows. Light came from the fire not far behind and a small dim lamp in the corner yet the moon was still casted over you two.
His eyes traced your features once more and before he knew it, he was saying something unexpected, “She was the most beautiful person he had ever seen.”
Despite the way your heart seemed to stop, your brows furrowed, “What?”
Taehyung took another drag of his cigarette, “Who wrote that? ‘She was the most beautiful person he had ever seen’ I read it somewhere… ‘With stars in her eyes’.”
Your eyes seemed to widen as you thought it over for a second. A sense of realization flooded you but even knowing you might be right, you still shyly asked, “Virgina Woolf?”
“Yes, I believe so, ‘She was the most beautiful person he had ever seen, with stars in her eyes and veils in her hair.’ I read it years ago,” Taehyung stared out at the moon through the bay windows, “Anyways, it just came to mind, and reminded me of you.”
There was a cloud of smoke drifting into nothing like they were his words being absorbed all around you. After that a silence seemed to fill the room and it was so calming in fact that you found yourself lulled to sleep against his chest.
It wasn’t until hours later when you had woken to loud noises, did you realize that he had not had the luxury of peaceful post-sex sleep.
The first thing you had noticed in your haze of sleep was the sky still blue out and the fire still crackling behind you. The second was that you still slept on the floor and Taehyung was not beside you anymore. It took you some time to realize all the noise that had woken you up was coming from him and his quick brush strokes.
Taehyung had a pair of jeans on and a smock. He didn’t even bother with a shirt, just slipped the smock over his bare chest and he sat on the floor with a pallet full of paint in his hands as he did soft strokes on his canvas. He was so focused that he didn’t seem to mind his glasses which had slipped down to the tip of his nose, lips slightly parted in concentration and eyes bouncing around his painting.
You wondered what this meant for you. You didn’t know what time it was but the way he worked so diligently didn’t even make you want to stay, what if it would bother him? You don’t want to do that and he seems to have already forgotten you were there and what you had just done. With a small sigh you looked around for all of your things, finishing getting dressed and in search of your shoes and bag.
Taehyung’s strokes were fast and agile, he didn’t even have to think of how he was painting, he was just moving mindlessly and mixing all the right colors and blending in all the right places. You took a seat on the sofa trying to put your boots back on.
“What are you doing?” Taehyung asked but his eyes never left the canvas. You could barely hear him over the sound of the record player still playing and it took you a second to know he was even talking to you.
You looked up curiously, “Um… it’s late, I should probably go, I don’t want to disturb your work.”
You were very understanding actually. There are many times you’ve woken up in the middle of the night to write and you didn’t waste time on thinking of anything else while doing it so if Taehyung was the same about his painting then you didn’t want to bother him.
Taehyung pushed his glasses up with the tip of his brush as he finally looked at you, “You won’t disturb me. Stay.”
He watched as you brought your lower lip between your teeth in thought before saying, “Seriously Tae, I don’t mind leaving. You’re working, I understand.”
“But I mind,” Taehyung said in his deep voice that sounded even deeper this late with the fire in the fireplace still crackling and Beethoven’s String Quartet No. 14 playing in the background. You didn’t say anything for a moment and he ran a hand through his messy hair, a small paint streak coating a strand, “Won’t you stay, Y/n? I’ve been in a slump and right now it just hit me all at once and I think it’s because of you. Please, won’t you stay?”
“Can I watch?”
Taehyung did not hesitate to nod his head and motion for you to sit on the floor next to him so you moved quickly to do so.
By the end of the night you watched him paint until dawn with your head resting against his back adoringly. His brush strokes were hypnotizing and the way he captured the light perfectly had you in awe, especially when you realized it was a painting of you.
It inspired you the way he was so devoted to his work and it reminded you of yourself.
Your days carried on as usual after that night with Taehyung. The only differences being ones that involved him. For instance, he has called you a couple times —he’s completely against the act of texting. It’s never anything major, usually to ask how your day has been or to get coffee. There was no sign of an actual relationship but it was close to it.
Today you had your shared anatomy class and he sat next to you instead of behind you like he normally would.
You’re not very fond of the fact that he’s distracting you more than you would like him to but it’s something you can’t explain. Your pen scribbled away in your yellow page notebook with word after word just piecing together effortlessly. Taehyung was utterly fascinated by it all, sometimes you wouldn’t even look down but your pen seemed to never fully lift off the page. You filled page after page in the three hour class, eyes on the professor but nothing you wrote down had to do with what he was teaching.
Every now and then you would look over at him and your eyes would meet, he would raise a brow and you would give him a smile, before looking down to write.
“I don’t think you heard a single thing he said today,” Taehyung said once the two of you made your way out of the lecture hall side by side. From the way you stared off into space, lips moving every now and then as if mouthing silent words, he knew you weren’t listening. He doubts you meant to ignore him but clearly you seemed to be in your own world right now, just thinking about writing and writing and he gets it.
You weren’t thinking of anything else, and he knows this because he had to grab onto your waist and pull you back to keep you from walking right into the pouring rain just outside. You seemed to snap back into reality and looked around, “Did you say something?”
Taehyung was opening his umbrella for you, pulling you under it beside him, “I’ve written notes for you, you seemed a bit distracted to take them yourself today.”
Your eyes slowly widened in surprise as it finally dawned on you that you had spent the last three hours doing nothing but writing about him. You came to a sudden stop and he waited there beside you with the rain pounding on his umbrella. With a small sigh, he let go of you to rummage through his bag with his free hand and took out his notebook, “I wrote two of everything.”
“Taehyung,” you said, “You didn’t have to do that.”
“I know,” he said with a shrug, “But you were so lost in your writing I didn’t want anything disturbing you. I had no problem with it, I’m a fast writer and a good listener.”
“Thank you,” you finally began to walk again now that you couldn’t bear the cold standing in one place, “I am bad at focusing on anything else when I write.”
“I understand,” he had to speak up so you could hear him over the rain, “And if you do not think I would be a bother, maybe you’ll let me watch you write more?”
“You’ll get bored,” you said as the two of you walked toward his car, a vintage Chevrolet Corvette that belonged to his grandfather.
“Watching you?” He asked, holding the door open for you, “Never.”
Your apartment was how he pictured it—books and papers scattered everywhere. You were still much neater than him but not by much, clearly the two of you focused too much on your craft that it’s completely taken over everything.
Your place was small yet spacious and well furnished with vintage chairs and mahogany bookshelves. There was a slight clutter of books upon books and dead plants that didn’t get enough sun with the curtains closed. It was warm and had your lovely scent. There was a stack of papers on a desk next to a laptop and an expensive looking typewriter.
There wasn’t much of a conversation going on between you, the last time you said something to him was when you asked him if he needed a drink. Your back was to him and he spent about an hour or so sitting alone on the daybed as he drew in his sketchbook.
After some time when you finally decided to join him, you were exhausted and physically drained. You lied down with your head on his lap looking up at him when his hand began to caress your cheek. “Taehyung.”
“Yes, my love?” He asked with his gaze meeting yours. The name just slipped and he didn’t care to take it back, only watched you curiously still waiting to hear what you would say. You blinked once, “I think I’m beginning to understand better.”
You had been writing nonstop for a long time but for the first time it felt like you finally understood your work.
There was no way to explain it but these interactions with Taehyung—your living reverie—have opened your eyes to his character and the way you wanted to write him in the first place. He was everything you had been searching for.
He leaned back, startled by the sudden way you sat up, hand around his looking at him, “You.”
“Me?” Taehyung asked with his hands on your waist, shifting you more on his lap, “You understand me?”
All it took was one nod of your head for him to be pulling you into a kiss meeting you halfway. He had a hand on your chin, angling your head opposite of his letting the kiss deepen, soon he was tracing the curve of your neck with his jaw. Every ounce of lust and greed poured out in his fingers when he touched you.
It didn’t take Jungkook long to realize something about his friend seemed different. He was used to Taehyung isolating himself when he had a wave of creativity. There would be days on end where Jungkook would call only for every call to be ignored. He would even write his friend letters but he never answered him. When he was back to normal, Taehyung would look tired like he hadn't eaten or slept in days.
Right now, Jungkook sees Taehyung but he doesn’t think Taehyung sees him. Despite sitting across from him, he wouldn’t look his way. Instead he was staring out the large windows that overlooked the courtyard
“Have you eaten?” Jungkook asked, looking up from his sketchbook. The two had been on the second floor of the library this evening studying classical art techniques. Jungkook had gotten bored and began to sketch up an idea for another sculpture while Taehyung drew someone he couldn’t recognize. His friend didn’t even so much as flinch and give any sign that he was listening.
A small scoff left his lips, “Taehyung.” With an annoyed huff, he reached for his sketchbook and watched with a confused expression, “Who is this?”
It was quite detailed despite how little time he had to draw this and Jungkook was in awe. For a second he wondered if this was original work from Taehyung, all created from his mind but as he followed Taehyung’s gaze out the window, he realized it wasn’t.
It was you.
You sat on a wooden bench facing the swan fountain and there was a book in your hands. Jungkook couldn’t make out the book but seemed to have all your attention because you stopped every now and then to highlight something then jot it down in a notebook. There were powder blue headphones on your head and you were in a red lace long sleeve top with roses embroidered on and under was a white shirt. The black skirt you wore reached below your knees with a slit on the side that exposed your boots and over it all, you had on a black coat. He’ll admit, you did look rather captivating against the dead green of the lawn and trees paired with the foggy sky from days on end of rain.
Taehyung seemed to have found his newest muse and it was all he could think about.
“Are you still interested in her?” Jungkook finally asked, catching the way a small smile seemed to fall on Taehyung’s face—something he rarely got to see despite how easily he gave them to you. Jungkook did recognize you in the drawing better once he got a good look at you. He had almost forgotten seeing you weeks ago when he was with Taehyung, but he had certainly forgotten his friend’s knowledge and curiosity of you.
“Only a little,” Taehyung said, ignoring the way Jungkook looked at him with disbelief. He was used to his friend having a sudden infatuation with a certain person but they were short lived and always ended with the poor girl crying about how cold he was—Jungkook knows because he was always there to pick up their broken pieces with a night in his bed [Taehyung never cared].
“She’s hot,” Jungkook said, half teasingly to read how his friend would feel. Taehyung merely gave him a side glance in acknowledgment but the smile he had for you had tightened as he looked back outside.
“It’s that guy again,” Jungkook pointed out as they both watched outside, “What’s his name?”
Kim Namjoon.
Taehyung was used to seeing him around throughout the years but he never had a need to pay attention to him before. Like most of those who he sees in passing they never become more than that—just a passing blur that he doesn’t care to know a single thing about. Namjoon used to be one of the ones he ignored until he heard you mention him once or twice.
“Who knows,” Taehyung said, shifting his gaze down to his sketch pad avoiding the sight of Namjoon and you now standing like you had somewhere to go.
Jungkook, the ever curious and procrastinating, kept watching you just out of sheer boredom. The library had gone dark aside from the few kerosene lamps scattered across tables but it was already getting hard to see his sketches properly so now he’s just waiting for Taehyung to finish.
Suddenly, all too suddenly that it made him jump in his seat, Taehyung was standing, shoving his things in his bag loud enough to create an echo in the cold library. Jungkook looked up at him, pencil laying limp in his hand now, “Are we done?”
Taehyung pushed his chair into the wooden table, not bothering to look back at his friend as he stormed off, “Yes.”
Not long after he watched his friend make his abrupt leave from the library… he saw him now approaching you and Namjoon.
You were blissfully unaware that you had been watching through the windows of a library as much as you were unaware of Taehyung coming up behind you as Namjoon talked. “I was thinking maybe we could go catch that new movie that just came out.”
“Oh, I was going to do some writing—You won’t believe it Joonie,” your tone changed so suddenly as you grabbed him by the arm, jerking him toward you excitedly carrying on like he hadn’t said anything, “It’s like I can’t stop writing, you wouldn’t believe how easily the words are flowing like… I don’t know, I’ve never felt this way before, Joonie.”
“That’s good, Y/n but,” Namjoon’s words slowed down as he looked behind you at the looming figure standing a few feet away. He’s never spoken a word to Kim Taehyung despite both being grad students, he only knows of him from what others have spoken and he’s very… cold. Since when did you and him begin to talk? Namjoon took your hands in his as he pulled you closer to have your attention knowing you still didn’t know who was behind you, “But it’s nice to get a break, you don’t want to overwork yourself.”
“You don’t get it, Namjoon,” you said his name instead of the affectionate nickname you’ve always called him, he couldn’t help but look at Taehyung who pretended like he wasn’t watching closely with a cigarette dangling between his fingers, “I can’t stop. I cannot stop. If I-I do, I don’t know.”
His gaze shifted behind you making you turn to look too and your eyes seemed to soften as you made eye contact with the dirty blonde you’ve been spending time with lately.
“Y/n,” Taehyung’s deep voice spoke as he stared at you two, “I thought you would be busy writing”
“I’m on my way to right now,” you said, taking a step toward him with your back to your friend, “Would you join me?”
A smile came to his face as he pushed his glasses up, “If I could paint you again.”
You stood still in thought. The first time he painted you was after you had sex for the first time when it felt warm, passionate and hungry. He never slept that night, he stayed up the entire time getting the right blends of pigment on your body as it lay on the flue blanket completely nude. You’re not sure if he knew what saying that would make you think but from the way his brow raised questioning made you think he did.
Namjoon felt his jaw clench, eyes glaring at Taehyung who didn’t even bat an eye in his direction. You looked back to Namjoon now who waited for you with a bated breath. You walked up to him making his heart face as you pressed your lips against his cheek with your softly brushing against his jaw. The kiss was tender on his face and when he looked down at you, you gave him an apologetic smile, “Will you call me?”
“Will you answer?” Namjoon asked but you weren’t beside him anymore. You were next to Taehyung who took your book bag off your shoulders and put it over his, a hand grazing your back as he talked to you but too far out of your friend’s ear shot.
“What did your friend want?” Taehyung asked.
“To see a movie but I have to finish what I’m writing before it slips my mind,” You said moving your hand to his bent arm walking alongside him, “I’ll have to catch up with him another day.”
He didn’t have anything to say to that but you could still feel his eyes on you. A part of you wanted to ignore his gaze because you find yourself at a loss for words any time he looks at you that way. It’s like he sees through you not at you and sometimes you don’t know which one is better.
There’s no denying that he likes the look of you, he finds you attractive and not just physically. You know that. You just can’t tell what he’s thinking that makes him look at you that way.
“Namjoon.”
He stood alone where you once had been beside him, just watching you leave with the art major he had no idea you were even involved with. Since when did you begin to talk to him and how did Namjoon never notice? Did you just decide that you would not be open with him anymore?
“Jimin,” Namjoon looked at his friend, a bit stunned, “Hey.”
The ballerina watched after you alongside him now as he asked, “Y/n is leaving with Taehyung?”
“Are they together?” Namjoon asked suddenly, “Did you know?”
Jimin shook his head no, “Not exactly, I mean, Y/n never hid the fact that she had a thing for Taehyung, I’m just surprised to see them leave together. Y/n never told me they began to talk.”
Namjoon bit his lip nervously, “You don’t think they’ll date or anything, do you? This just seems sudden.”
He looked to his friend for some comfort but all Jimin did was shrug his shoulders and say, “I don’t know, you know Y/n doesn’t really date and neither does he, they’re always too focused on writing or painting to think about anything else. Who knows, they might just work out because of how similar they are.”
“Yeah but…” Namjoon was trying to find words to say but nothing came to mind. Maybe he was just being bitter… he’s been your friend for years. He’s always been there for you anytime you needed him without question. You were attracted to him enough to sleep with him but was that all it was ever going to be? You won’t see him as more than just a friend but then Kim Taehyung comes along and suddenly you have no problem walking away from Namjoon to go with him?
Jimin looked at his friend apologetically, he sympathized with him. He’s known you for longer than Namjoon has and he’s been through this exact same thing before too. There was a time when he thought you and him were the closest until Namjoon came along and suddenly you spent all your time with him instead. Now Namjoon is experiencing what Jimin did but this time because of Taehyung and he feels bad for that.
“Look, I’m going to be honest,” Jimin tried to work out what he was going to say so it didn’t come off badly, “I think, Y/n loves the idea of Taehyung on paper… how she can write or create him like she’s done with you and I in the past. I think maybe it’s nothing past something superficial but at the same time…”
“At the same time,” Jimin repeated himself with a bated breath, “I see a lot of similarities between them especially when it comes to putting their work first and maybe that’s something they seem to understand about each other that we don’t.”
Namjoon didn’t get it.
So was it not that you two had feelings for each other?
Was it not that you might love each other?
Was it just that you two understood each other?
He doesn’t get it. Now, Namjoon might not understand your obsession with perfecting every aspect of your writing… but that didn’t mean he didn’t love you. He loved you a lot—more than he assumes Taehyung could love you.
It’s not like it’s a secret, Namjoon has always been open about the way he felt about you so why did you choose someone else? All because he couldn’t understand you the way Taehyung might? Is it because he can’t just look at you and know what you need the way Taehyung can?
Is it because he doesn’t spend hours missing sleep or eating just so he could obsess over his work too?
How could Taehyung possibly understand you more than he does?
::.
okokok this was kinda long but I’m sorry, blonde Taehyung as an art major was doing it for me 🫶this was a romance but also not necessarily bc the focus isn’t entirely on their relationship 🤒neither one of them are supposed to be super likable so if you hate them and the way oc did Joon and Jimin dirty i get it 🫡but they just genuinely do not think about anything but their craft.
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atinylittlepain · 1 year
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ok so given that the oscars just happened, imagine a joel x actress!reader. before everything went to shit joel was a normal human being who loved watching movies and like any basic person had a celebrity crush. fast forward and the world has gone to shit and joel and ellie (and maybe tommy too) go on a patrol that goes wrong and get saved by miss “i just smashed a guys head in with my oscar” or something like that, just a fluff and fun imagine that isnt gonna break my heart in a million pieces like last nights episode
oh my god, your mindddddd - I love this idea :)
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Big Fan
Joel Miller x actress!reader
Joel Miller masterlist
Joel recognizes her right away. After all, she starred in his favorite movie of all time.
warnings | 18+ a little angst, nothing wild, this is fluff through and through
Read part two!
.......................
“Are you–”
“I am.”
“You were in–”
“I was.”
“Well I’ll be damned.” 
“Alright, somebody better start speaking in full sentences, because I have no clue what the hell is going on.” Joel huffs, glancing at Ellie who's looking at him like he’s gone crazy, her gun still cocked at the woman in front of them.
“What? You don’t recognize her, kid? I just showed you Curtis and Viper.” Ellie’s brow furrows, but then she looks back at the woman and her eyes finally widen in recognition.
“Holy shit.” The woman laughs, eyes still focused on the barrel of Ellie’s gun.
“That’s not usually the movie people recognize me from. But I suppose it was my big break.” Joel nudges Ellie, muttering for her to put her “damn gun away, jesus christ,” and she quickly tucks it back in her belt.
He’s trying to not be weird right now, they did just kill five clickers together, but he’s finding it hard not to lose his cool over the woman who had been a silly crush of his since he first saw that cheap action movie as a teenager. He knows she did much better films afterward, remembers hovering behind the couch one night while Sarah was watching one of those awards shows, lingering just a bit longer when he saw her giving an acceptance speech with a blinding smile in a dress that probably cost more than his house. She’s certainly less elegant-looking now, but even after twenty years in a world like this, he can’t help the quick kick of his heart at actually meeting this woman in the flesh.
He clears his throat, also trying to clear his mind.
“Are you alone?” She sighs, wiping the blade of her knife on her jeans before sliding it back into its sheath.
“I wasn’t, and then I was. We were headed toward a settlement we heard about, I think a bit further north from here?” Joel keeps his expression steady, but can feel Ellie glancing at him. Movie star or not, he knows they have to be careful about who finds out about Jackson. But apparently, this woman isn’t just pretty, and she seems to pick up on the heavy pause after what she said.
“Do you two know about the place I’m talking about? Are we close?” Joel, sighs, looking at Ellie before making a decision that Tommy is probably going to smack him for later.
“We, um– we’re from there, actually. If you’re talking about where I think you’re talking about.” She huffs out a laugh, and offers them that megawatt smile Joel remembers seeing on his TV screen. Ellie, meanwhile, scoffs, crossing her arms over her chest as she glares at Joel.
“No shit. Do you think you have room for one more?” Joel’s eyes dart once more to Ellie, just seeing the subtle shake of her head, but he chooses to ignore it. How could he say no to the woman who had, embarrassingly, been one of his first wet dreams?
“You’ll have to talk with my brother, but I’m sure you’ll be welcome to stay on.” Megawatt, megawatt, megawatt. He reckons that smile could melt steel beams.
“Joel, what the fuck–”
“Ellie–”
“No, what are you thinking? If not Tommy, Maria’s gonna be so pissed she’ll probably cut your balls off.” He shushes the girl, glancing ahead at the woman hiking further in front of them.
“Look, she’s all alone– hardly a threat– and she’s looking for somewhere to stay–” She scoffs.
“Oh, so this has nothing to do with the way your eyeballs practically popped out of your head just looking at her?” He grumbles, hand tightening around the strap of his rifle.
“You just mind your own business, alright? I’ll take care of it.” Ellie huffs, starting to trudge further ahead of him, but not before muttering out “whatever you say, fanboy.” Joel is stunned still by her words.
“Where the hell did you get that word from?” She turns on her heel, walking backwards for a beat as she smirks at him.
“One of those old magazines. Pretty sure she was on the front page if you wanna borrow it.” Before he can get a word in edgewise, she’s already turning back around and continuing their hike back to Jackson.
“Holy shit. Joel, look who it is!” Joel grunts, nudging Tommy out of his starstruck stupor.
“Yeah, I know. Just hiked five miles with her.” Tommy laughs, slapping him on the back before grinning at her.
“It’s real nice to meet you. You know, Joel here had your poster on his bedroom wall–” The nudge he gives his brother this time is a little less friendly, causing Tommy to grumble and rub his arm. She, however, takes it in stride, laughing lightly as she shifts in her boots.
“I’m flattered, really. It’s, um, it’s nice to meet you, Tommy.” Tommy’s eyes go wide.
“I can’t believe you just said my name. This is crazy–”
“Tommy.” Joel cuts his brother off with a hard look before he embarrasses himself anymore. He clears his throat, seeming to get a hold of himself as Joel continues.
“She had been traveling with a group, looking for this place. She’s the only one left though. Was hoping to join the town.” Tommy grins again, glancing between her and Joel.
“Well, I’m sure we can make that happen. I think Joel would kill me if I didn’t let–” He squeezes Tommy’s shoulder hard, willing him to shut his mouth. 
“That little house next to ours is still empty. Why don’t we set her up there?” Tommy’s smile at his brother’s words is all too smug for Joel’s taste, but he still nods, turning his attention back to her.
“If that’s alright with you, ma’am. I’ll let the folks know to turn the gas and electric back on for that place.” She smiles brightly at that.
“That would be amazing. Thank you so much. I owe you all big time.” Tommy snorts.
“I’m pretty sure you can pay Joel back with an autograph, he’d probably cre—“ Joel’s heard enough, resorting to kicking Tommy in the ankle to shut him up. Ellie huffs from where she’s watching their pathetic display.
“Alright, well if you two freaks are done making fools of yourselves, I’ll show her over to that house.” 
When Joel gets home, the first thing he does is look at that DVD. He had found it a week or two ago on a patrol shift, left in a hollowed-out RV. Ellie was less than impressed and Maria refused to show it at movie night because it’s so gory, but he held onto it anyways. He can still remember going to see it in the theater with Tommy, both of them too young to get in if not for their friend working the ticket booth. He flips the case over in his hands, and sure enough, there she is on the back cover, looking impossibly beautiful while firing a machine gun. What’s not to like, right?
He’s broken out of his revelry by the sound of the front door opening, and soon enough, Ellie is stomping up the stairs to come looking for him. When she finds him in his bedroom, sitting on the end of his bed, she glances at the DVD he’s holding, a grin spreading over her face.
“Just like you remember, huh, old man?” He grumbles, getting up to set the movie back on the bookshelf before turning back to Ellie.
“She settling in alright?” She hums, nodding lightly.
“Yep, made a beeline for a shower. Told me to thank you. I told her you’d be coming around for your autograph later.” His face crumples in indignation while Ellie lets out a cackle.
“I’m kidding, I’m kidding. But in all seriousness, I think she’s interested– in you– which pains me to even say, but, I figure you deserve to know that the woman of your pubescent dreams was asking questions about you.” Joel’s jaw goes slack, his eyebrows shooting up his forehead.
“She– she was asking about me?” Ellie nods around a smirk.
“Mmhmm. And I told her you’re a grumpy old bum who doesn’t take kindly to strangers.” He huffs, but she laughs again.
“Sorry, kidding again. I didn’t tell her much. Just that you’ll be around. But if I were you, I’d “be around” sooner rather than later, before the rest of Jackson gets a piece of her. Snatch her up before there’s sweeter bait to bite down on, you know?” He thinks briefly that he needs to see just what sort of magazines this kid is reading, because he can’t quite believe what’s coming out of her mouth. He grumbles, shaking his head at her antics.
“There ain’t gonna be any snatching going on. Just mind your–” She huffs, already walking out of his room.
“Mind my business, yeah, yeah, I know. But think about what I said, old man. Better cast your line quick for this one. My guess is you weren’t the only one who had her poster in your bedroom back before.” 
He’s not letting that kid read magazines anymore.
When he steps out on his porch later in the afternoon, fully intent on what Ellie has affectionately started calling his “adult nap time,” he’s interrupted by someone calling his name. He catches sight of her sitting on the porch of the little house next door, waving and smiling at him like it’s the most normal thing in the world.
“Hey, neighbor.” He tentatively waves back, but that doesn’t seem to satisfy her as she motions for him to join her. He sighs, rather stiffly walking over to her porch and joining her on the bench seat, keeping a very respectable distance between them. Clickers, raiders, general imminent danger, he can handle. Pretty lady? That’s touchy. Pretty lady who he imagined marrying as a teenager? Just put him out of his misery already. He knows it’s ridiculous, that none of that matters now. She’s just as worn and weathered as the rest of them by this crumbled world. But that smile she keeps flashing him might just bring him to his knees.
“I wanted to thank you– for bringing me along. I was, uh, starting to lose hope back there a little bit.” He nods, glancing at her.
“No need for thanks. Just the right thing to do in this world. I’m sorry– about your group. I don’t know what happened, but that couldn’t have been easy being out there on your own.” She shrugs, waving off his sentiment.
“It was barely a group to begin with. Just some folks who happened to get out of the San Francisco QZ together.” His brain is quickly trying to knit together the movie star he remembers from the past and this woman who sits before him now, an obvious edge to her.
“Were you in California? Back when everything…” She nods, her face set in a grim look.
“LA, where else? Now that was a nightmare. I bet the only worse place to be when everything went down was New York. Bodies everywhere. Don’t think I’ll ever forget it.” She lets out a humorless laugh before glancing at him.
“That movie you like so much? I remember when I got the role, I had no idea how I was gonna pull it off. Grizzled heroine with a dark past and a penchant for violence. I was nothing like her. But now, I feel a whole lot more like her and a whole lot less like me.” She sighs, shaking her head.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I dumped that on you.” Joel is quick to shake his head, leaning over his thighs to catch her gaze.
“No, no. I get it– in my own way, I guess. The world changed and– we had to change with it.” That coaxes a crooked smile out of her as she looks at him. A simple silence descends between them as they share quiet smiles. She finally giggles, scrunching her nose at him.
“That girl– Ellie? I think she said something about you wanting an autograph?” Joel can feel the hot blush creeping up his neck as his face goes slack. She just splits out in a laugh, tipping her head back in delight.
“I’m sorry, I’m kidding. But, you know, what I went by, what people still call me, that isn’t my real name.” Joel’s eyebrows quirk up and she sighs, shaking her head.
“Just a stage name. I don’t really mind people calling me that, but can I tell you my real name?” He can feel the smile tugging at his mouth as he nods. Before he knows what she’s doing, she’s taking his hand into her lap, slowly tracing out her name with her finger across his palm. An autograph, of sorts. He’s pretty sure his brain short-circuits, just barely stringing together her name as she finishes. He murmurs it lowly and she offers him her brightest smile yet, still holding his hand lightly in her own.
“And you’re Joel, right?” He’s only a little embarrassed by how quickly he nods.
“Mmhmm. Miller– Joel Miller, yep.” She lets out a breathy laugh, now clasping his hand in a firm shake.
“It’s nice to really meet you, Joel Miller.” 
2K notes · View notes
spidybaby · 4 months
Note
Wenasss✨ Not me sneaking into your inbox🤭😅 to kindly ask for Bad Kind of Butterflies part II, please and thanks!🤣🫶🏼
Bad Kind of Butterlies | Part Two
Summary: Pedri regrets his actions and tries to get back to you.
Warnings: fighting, cursing. Physical fight. Part one
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"Pedri, the ball. Keep your eyes on the fucking ball." Xavi yells. "God, what's going on with you today?"
Pedri can't even look at Xavi in the eyes, he has sis eyes glued to the floor. He can feel the looks of his teammates burning him.
"Miss that ball again, and you're benched." Xavi says, stern tone.
"I'm sorry, Mister."
He tries his best to focus on the ball, trying not to miss it or not miss the goal to the net, but he can't keep his mind on the field.
Gavi, playing with the other half of the team, stole the ball from him, making Oscar sound the little whistle.
He just observes the way Xavi is yelling. Tired and really not that interesting, he can't seem to understand a word that's coming out of his trainers mouth.
The training goes on for another half hour, and then they're all reunited in the salon to plan the next game.
The "Real Madrid vs Barcelona" typical classic.
He focuses all his attention on speech Xavi is giving the team. Turning his head to see Ferran typing something on his phone.
He makes the lining, Xavi kept his promise and bench him for the next game. Leaving the possibility of getting back if he improves in this next two trainings.
"Estas bien?" Ferran asks, taking him to the side for them to be alone.
"I'm not sure." He sincerely says. He can't keep secrets ti Ferran. "I just need to keep my head around what's important."
"And she's not?"
"The thought of her is making me be benched. I think I had enough of her for the rest of the week."
He turns to the dressing room, ready to collect his belongings and leave. No shower, no nothing.
But to his bad luck, Ferran is quicker and stops him by the arm. "You can't keep doing this. This is not healthy, Pedro."
"What am I supposed to do?" He angrily says, removing his arm from the hold of his friend. "She won't listen to me, she changed her number, she changed her apartment building. It's like she disappeared."
Ferran was holding the bitter "I told you" He had been keeping since after the party.
When a very angry Gavi told him about the words Eric said to his date and then to Pedro, he was pissed, he wanted to fight him. But, like a rational person, he calmed Gavi down and helped fixing the situation.
What he could help was the disaster Pedri did, yelling at you and fighting with gavi over the words of Eric. Words he warned him about.
"Just please call me if you need anything." He pats Pedri on the back and walks to the showers.
He nods, grabbing his stuff and walking back to his car. He wants to run away from everything and everyone.
Once he makes it to his car, his head feels like it's going to blow up. He'd dizzy and tired.
The way his heart is pounding like crazy and he feels like passing out scares him. This isn't news to him. He was having a panic attack.
He tries to breathe, counting things like you thought him. Five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.
Once he's calmed enough to at least drive himself home, he calls Fer, asking him to be home "I need you, Fer." He says crying.
His brother was worried, his whole family was. He wasn't the sweet, happy and very enthusiastic boy they known. He was now this confused and sad looking boy.
Pedri can't even seem to move upstairs to his room, he can't help the tear falling down, he can't help the blame he feels.
His relationship with Pablo was broken, his relationship with Eric is almost non existent. All thanks to him.
He can't blame Eric for it, he was the one who did all the bad stuffs, hitting your friend, hurting you by not trusting you.
He remembered your words like if you were just telling them to him.
"You're not dumb. You're such a smart man. So I need you to use that intelligence to understand that if you keep doing this shit, you're losing me."
But did he lost you?
He wanted to heard you voice, wanted to hear about that interview you told him about the day of the wedding. He wanted to hear about your new workout routine.
But he can't, because everytime he calls you he hit voice-mail. Everytime he goes looking for you he remembers that a new person lives in that apartment. Everytime he tried to look up for your social media profiles you weren't there.
"And that fucking sucks." He tells Fer, not knowing how else express his feelings.
Fer understand the struggle you both are going through, from his brother side is the blame of making you leave and not being the man you deserved. And he also understand that you want Pedri to change and to fight for you.
Ferran and Fer tried his best to talk to you and convinced you to give Pedri a chance. Thing you denied, you made a promise to yourself, he needed to prove to you that he changed.
You wanted the relationship you had before, the trust, the unconditional love. You wanted to feel joy again, to feel like you could be with him again.
You can't say you had it worse, but you were struggling as well. Sira had to force out of bed and to a local park. You cried like a child in her lap, telling her how much you needed him.
"You don't need someone who can't make an effort of changing. You need to understand that."
She was right, you needed someone who will be there for you in bad and good. During hard and easy.
"Good morning sunshine." Sira yells opening the curtains. The sun hit directly to your face, making you groan and turn around.
"oh, no ma'am." she pulls the duvet in a quick motion. "I made breakfast, get up."
She gave you five minutes to wash your face and brush your teeth. You can't help to feel a little annoyed at the wake-up call Sira pulled.
"Eat, please." She serves the breakfast to you, giving you a fork and a kiss on the cheek.
The day was bright, the sun was shining so much, the view from your apartment was breathtaking, making you feel happy instantly.
"I can't believe we're going to graduate tomorrow." Sira yells while doing a little dance. "I'm so happy for us."
"I am too, thank you for sticking up to me after all this time."
You walk over to her, giving her a big hug. She separates a little, reaching for the grad hat you have in the corner, putting it up on you.
When you broke up with Pedri you had a very bad time, you were in denial, somehow blaming yourself for the things that happened.
Then was the rage, it was not your fault, it was Eric's and Pedro's fault. He was the one believing the disturbing mind of Eric.
Then came the sadness, you were crying like crazy, in the shower, at the movies when Sira and Kyle took you out, at the parking lot of the building.
And now you're just blue.
"We have to go get the dresses, eat and let's go."
When the lease for your apartment concluded. You wanted to move to a smaller place, wanting something more "home like"
Sira was not okay with the decision, she convinced her parents on sharing a Apartment with you while you both figure your life out.
The moving was heartbreaking for you, specially because you couldn't run away from the memories.
"When you graduate, we're moving together. We can remodel the house, giving it your touch, make this place our home."
You used to laugh, thinking it was crazy for him to think about settling down at barely twenty one. "You'll change your mind, Pepi. "
But he cut you off, telling you that there was no other thing in his mind. He can't picture a future without you in it.
"I invite Pablo to the ceremony, and Fernando." You confess.
"Are you sure about that?" She asked worried. "I mean, Pablo I guess but Fer?"
"My family isn't coming, so I have the tickets and the closest thing to a family here is you, your family that is already attending and the González."
"Okay, if you think that's the right think to do, I'm not saying anything."
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"Squish, all of you, let me take a picture." Luis Enrique says. "Okay, in three, two, one, cheese!."
You smile, arm around Sira and Karla.
After what felt like a whole photoshoot, Sira was ready to greet some family members that joined the ceremony.
"Y/n!" you heard at the distance.
You turn around, looking for the voice. It was your favorite angry bird. The big white bouquet of flowers doesn't go unnoticed.
"Felicidades, preciosa." He hugs you with one hand, the flowers getting in the middle of that. "Oops, sorry. This is for you."
"Thank you, Pablito." You hug him carefully this time. "Thank you for coming."
"I was happy when you sent me the invite, Sam says hi and congratulations."
"Are you coming to my party?"
Pablo was about to answer but someone calling you name again interrupting him.
"Fer!" You say, happily about seeing him again. "Thank you for coming." You say, getting squish between his arms.
"Felicidades, hermanita." He kiss your cheek. "Mom and dad are so proud of you, they send their congratulations to you."
You smile at him, the warmth your heart is feeling is making you blush. "Thank you." You whisper. "Pablito and you need to tell me if you're coming tonight."
"I will, what about you, Fer?"
"I can't wait."
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"Okay, it's game day time. Let's finish preparing ourselves, and let's go warm up." Oscar says, excited about the match against RMA.
"Pedri, can I have a minute outside, please." Xavi calls.
He was trying his best to concentrate, head in the game. Even if that sounds like a high school musical thing to say.
"Mira, I know I said that I was benching you." Xavi began, making Pedri nod. "I'm going to make an exception, I'm making Marc play for twenty minutes then you're in."
"I promise that I won't lose the ball." He smiles like the cat in Alice in wonderland. "Gracias, Mister."
Xavi pats his back, smiling back at him. He knows that Pedri has the range, he just needs to take it out in the right place. The field.
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"Finally, a game that was worth to watch." Kyle says, eating the remaining pop corn from the bowl.
This game was very important for the Barcelona, they needed this game to keep themselves at the top of La Liga.
And they did it. They won.
Pedri scored a game thanks to Pablo's passing the ball to him.
"He played really good." Karla comments.
"Yeah, he did." You whisper.
You were proud of him, he was your golden boy after all.
You remembered the first game you went to. He gifted you a shirt with his number. He sent a car to come get you.
That was the first gol he ever dedicated to you. You remember the way you felt, the smile on his face, the aura of the stadium. It was simply magical.
And now you're supporting him from the comfort of your home. Because no matter what, he was all that to you.
But where you still all that to him?
You always kept those thoughts for yourself, your friends were done with you talking about him. Always ending up crying.
"So are we going out tonight?" Karla asks, turning the TV off.
"I don't know if I want to go out guys." You say, washing the dishes from the dinner. "I'm not feeling well."
"A Tylenol and were out and about, my lady." Sira says laughing at your face.
"Fine, but I don't want to he out till five in the morning, please."
"Deal."
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The party was good, you ended up not inviting Kyle because you were feeling like having a girl's night out.
Karla got invited to a vip club that was on the way of your apartment, you were on your way there.
"We're going to the vip section." She says to the bodyguard at the entrance, showing him a picture. "Thank you."
The club was way fuller than the last one, the aura was way better too.
"Y/n, let's get a drink." Sira yells.
"Let's just take Karla to her friends table and we can go, okay?" You yell back, she nods.
Karla was seeing this dude that was a manager of some new footballers, they were young like in La Masia.
The other dudes at the table invited you to different drinks, since they got special treatment because of their vip status.
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You were thankful with your friends, they were making you have so much fun.
"Girls, I'm going to the bathroom." You say to your friends, getting up from your seat and walking to the little outside bathroom they have for the vip rooms.
You got knocked up a little by someone, hitting you shoulder with the door frame. "Fucking idiot." You say to yourself, smoothing the hurt area.
You were washing your hands when someone moved the doorknob, knocking desperately at the door.
"Wait, I'm almost done." You say drying your hands with a paper towel. The person on the other side keeps knocking like crazy. "It's been five seconds like wait." You say.
You open the door and to your surprise the face on the other side of the door is a familiar one. "Y/n?"
"Ferran, hi!"
He walks inside the bathroom, making your way out impossible since he closed the door. "Joer', it's so good to see you." He hugs you for a few seconds.
You can smell the alcohol in his breath, making you scrunch your nose. "Are you alone?" You ask him.
"No, I'm with some friends from Valencia."
"Okay, take care Fer, I need to go back to my friends." You wanted to leave so he can use the bathroom.
"Wait, I want to talk to you." He stops you from opening the door. "Please give me your number."
You think for a few seconds, not sure about the proposal. "What if I wait for you outside?" You smile at him.
"You won't run away?" He asks, you shake your head no. "Pinky promise?" He elevate his pinky finger over to you.
"Pinky promise." You smirk while intertwining fingers with him. "Hurry up." You say, walking outside for him.
A few minutes later you see Ferran dance walk over to you, you smile at this goofiness. You missed that.
"Tell me, Mister paella." You joke, mentioning his nickname you and Pedri gave him.
"I wanted to tell you, more like ask you for a favor." He says breathlessly. "I know you might say no, but I want to try."
You knew where this was going, but you let him continue with his speech. Nodding your head to let him know you heard him and to continue.
"I know that you probably are in a better place and you are moving on, but please heard me out. Pedri is not alright, and you don't own him nothing after the stupid shit he pulled, but please you need to talk to him."
You sigh, you know that he was not having the best development during training or at the matches. Fer told you that already, but he didn't asked for you to reach to him.
"I know I'm asking for too much." He continued. "I'm just out of ideas of what to do with him. Xavi is about to beat his ass, Oscar too, Gavi and him don't even look at each other. We almost beat Eric to the ground with Gavi."
"He deserves that." You scuff. "But I'm not sure what you expect me to do?"
"Can you maybe call him? Or text him?" He asks. "Or I don't know, send him a dm if you don't want to share your number with him."
You think about it for a good minute, you knew that he was struggling, you were too, but you wanted to maybe help him even when he didn't deserved that.
"I'll reach out to him." You finally say. Making Ferran jumps from excitement. "I'll try to find a good time, okay?"
He nods excited, hugging you and giving you a quick kiss in the side of the head. "Thank you, if you need a ride home you can tell me."
"Thank you, I'm good, my friend is driving us." You wave him goodbye. Both of you go back to each vip rooms.
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"Look at this cd" Pablo says, passing the 1989 cd. "What are you doing this December?"
"Well, I was thinking about spending my December here in Barcelona." You say, helping him organizing some pictures. "Aw, young Pablito." You say, showing him the picture.
"Stop that." He laughs. "So you're not going back home?"
"I mean my family is not going to be there, so I might as well be alone here."
"You're welcome to spend time with Sam and with me. Also with my family and me."
"Thank you, crunchy guy." You joke with him.
Now that he's in recovery you can visit him more often. You love watching new movies and shows with him because you have the same taste.
"I want to ask you something." You say, not sure how to approach the topic of Pedri. "But you can tell me if it makes you uncomfortable."
"Okay?" He says, eyes scrunched.
"Ferran and I were at the same club and we find ourselves in the bathroom." You began. "Long story short, he asked me to call Pedri."
"Y/n, I'm not the best to give you advice on this."
"I just need guidance, Pablo." You confess. "I'm not one to ask you anything but just be honest with me."
"Joder" He sighs, hands on his face. "What do you want me to say?"
"How is he?" You ask worried. "Is he doing okay?"
"He came to see me at my recovery the other day." He says, hand scratching his head. "He asked me to forgive him."
You let him take him time to tell you everything.
"We talked and it's not like we are on speaking terms like we used to but we are better."
"That's good, I think you both needed that." You say honestly.
"Now, to answer you. I think he's doing better little by little. He's not the best at hiding his feeling and you know that, he tents to get quiet and death looking." He laughs at the last part. "But, if you want my opinion, I think he needs to fight for you. A call or a text will not harm anyone."
You nod, taking everything he says into consideration. He was right, Pedro had to make some sacrifices for you.
"But, you can do what you think is best." He says, hands in the air.
"Thank you, angry bird." You hug his body, careful with his leg. "Love you."
"Can you show me love in a form of a sandwich?" He asks, batting his eyelashes like a little kid. "Pretty please."
"Just because you're my little baby." You tap his nose with care. Making him laugh. "I'll be back."
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"I was thinking about doing a baking course." You tell Sira, you're at the pool at her parents house. "I want to learn how to do Christmas cookies."
"My mom knows how to, you can ask her to teach you."
"That's better, you're right."
You keep looking at your phone, it's been three weeks since the talk with Ferran and two since the talk with Gavi.
Today they announced that Pedri was feeling some pain in his muscles, so he wasn't training. You know how much that affects Pedro mentally.
"Hey, what if we go change? I kinda want to go shopping." You say, getting out of the pool and walking over to the towel. "You coming?"
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"I'm going to take a shower and we can eat, okay?" You say, hands full of bags. "Chao bella, take a shower please."
You leave everything on a chair next to your bed, the phone in your pocket feels heavy, you know you want to make that call.
You dial his phone number, sitting with your legs crossed on your bed. Your heart is beating like crazy.
"Hola"
Your breath is gone, you suddenly lost the ability to talk.
"Hola?" He repeats.
His raspy voice, his heavy breaths when he's trying to catch air. Simply him.
"Hola." You whisper.
Now is his turn to lost the speech ability. He's frozen. It's been months.
"Y/n?" He asks, not believing you're the one on the line.
"Hola." You repeat. "Te llamé en mal momento?" (Did I call you at a bad time?) You ask, bitting your nails.
"No, de hecho no estaba haciendo nada." You can hear a door closing. "How are you?" (No, I was actually not doing anything)
"I'm good, dealing with life. What about you? I heard about your muscle pain."
Your voice is low, you feel scared of saying something wrong. Even though you're barely at the beginning of the call.
"I've been better, I'm missing the Dallas game." He sighs. "I just feel like every time I'm feeling confident about coming back, my body gets fucked up."
You humm in response, letting him vent his frustration.
"I'm tired honestly, Xavi and Oscar are at the edge with me and I think that with the team. Frenkie barely came back, the team sucks, Gavi is hurt."
"I'm sorry this is going like that." You say, being honest.
"I don't even log into social media anymore. On Twitter and on Instagram the haters keep comparing me with Jude, with Vini, with Rodry. I'm so done, Y/n."
"Ay Pepi, I wish I can say something to make you feel better. But you know I suck at that." You laugh, making him laugh too. "You know you're amazing, and that if Xavi and Oscar get frustrated they don't feel your pain, that's why you have to be open with how your body feels."
"I do, believe me that I do, but I can't help but think that every time I say my muscles hurt, they gave me this disappointed look."
The way his voice break makes your heart hurt. You know from past experiences that his mental health goes down day by day if he overthink about the topic.
"And my parents and Fer try to tell me off of this ideas and I don't think it's working. I just wish I can turn my brain off for the night so I can sleep well tonight."
His breathing is getting heavier by the second, you can pick what's going on. He's overthinking and about to have a panic attack.
"Oye, tell me about that game you wanted to buy." You ask out-of the blue, making his mind think of another think.
"Game? What game?" He asks, voice breaking.
"Yeah, the one you wanted to buy. That one with the cars on it." You explain. "And what about that drink you wanted to try, did you tried it?"
"The green one?"
"Si, that one. Did you tried it? Was it good?"
"It tasted weird, and the game I never bought it. Lost interest on it."
"Okay, what about your mother croquettes?"
"They're so good, I broke diet the other day at Adrian's birthday party."
You can hear the breathing being hard but not as heavy as before. You relax, laying fully on your bed.
"Te amo." He says. "I'm sorry about everything, I'm so dumb. You told me that I was losing you and I never changed. It's my fault you're not next to me, that you're not at my games."
"Pedri, let's not do this." You interrupted him.
"Let me say it, Y/n." He begged. "I need to get this out of me, it's eating me alive."
"Okay, keep going."
"I know Fer went to your graduation. I cried myself to sleep that night, and every night after I lost you. I can't think of anything else." He sobs, making your heart hurt. "And my parents are so fucking mad at me, because how could I lost the girl of my dreams?"
"Pedro." You tried to make him stop.
"And my father told me how disappointed he was of me. He was so mad when I told him the truth. I can't keep doing this without you. You were supposed to be laying next to me, calling this place your home. I'm sorry."
"This is not why I called."
"Tell me what I have to do for you to forgive me." He begged again. "Tell me how can I fix this. Please."
"Pedro, stop."
"Please."
You wanted to hang up, not wanting to give up on all the progress you've made. In the promises you made to yourself.
"I think we both need to take a breath." You laugh nervously. "Please, breathe."
All you can hear was the heavy breathing from your and his side of the call. Your mind running a mile per second.
"Can we met, please?" He asks. Your heart was saying yes, but your mind was more coherent.
You were about to answer when Sira stormed into the room asking you to try something. Pedro heard the voice of her and wondered if you were at his parents house.
"I have to go." You say, hanging up the phone quickly. "What?" You ask Sira, she's looking at you with narrowed eyes.
"You okay?"
"Yes, I was about to take a shower but my mom called."
"Was it bad?" She asked worried. "Do you want to talk?"
"I'm fine, I'm just getting in the shower and then we can have some of that green thing you have in there." You tap her nose and walk quickly to the bathroom.
Pedro was laying on the couch he has in his room, his head pounding like crazy, the tears falling from his eyes, wetting his face.
He walks to his bathroom, he needs to wash his face. He needs to relax and breathe like you told him to.
The way he feels lighter after telling you how he feels was refreshing, his shoulders don't have the weight they used to five minutes ago.
His reflection is like a stranger to him. His dark circles under his eyes now darker, his weight every day less. He can't keep doing this to himself.
You feel the same way as you look at your reflection. The tears pooling that you don't want to let wet your face.
You take deep breaths, the sound of shower and the steam makes you be back from your thoughts. You got into the shower, sliding down the bathroom wall while hiding your face into your hands.
Pedro can't seem to find a way to stop his tears, knees on the floor while the sounds of his painful cry interrupt the peaceful silence of his home.
🪷🪷🪷
"You sure you're okay with me going to this party?"
Ferran invited you to his sister's birthday party, you and her were good friends thanks to Sira. Sadly due to the breakup, Sira didn't wanted to come but sent her a gift.
"Yes, go and have fun. I'm fine here with my book and with my coffee."
You kissed her on the cheek and went on your way, you asked Fer if he was coming but he told you that he was about to leave to Tenerife.
"But if you wonder or not." He says with a funny tone. "Pedri will be home."
You knew that Ferran sister didn't invite him, she told you herself. So you were fine with at least not having to tip toe around.
The party was at this club that Ferran rented for her party, you loved the pink and white theme she chose.
Yourusername has added to their story
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You were enjoying yourself, finding some in common friends you haven't talk to in a while, the vibes were good and the night was refreshing for you.
You were retouching your makeup at the bathroom. You heard knocking on the door, thinking that maybe they found that the downstairs bathroom was full.
You take the last look at yourself in the mirror. Adjusting you jacket and opening the door, you find the person you wanted to dissappear from this earth.
The way he roll his eyes makes you angry, he was annoyed at your presence? You should be the one that's rolling the eyes at him.
"Move, please." You say, stern tone.
"You're leaving so soon?" He smirks.
You don't think twice and push him to the side, you can hear him fall over to the little sofa that was outside the bathroom.
You walk downstairs, finding the birthday girl and saying your goodbyes to her and to Ferran, who was next to her.
You were walking to your car when you feel someone grabbing you by the arm and throwing you agains a car door.
You groan at the pain that's growing on your side. You put your hand against your ribs, you find hard to breathe.
"You really think you can treat me like shit?"
"Are you out of your right mind?" You whisper, not fully recovered from the impact. "What the fuck."
"You're such a fucking bitch, making my friends be against me, making my team be against me."
"What the fuck are you talking about? You did this to yourself, Eric"
You tried to walk away from him by pushing him but he grabbed you back and stamped you back again. Making the car alarm sound.
"Eric, what the fuck?" You hear someone yell.
You notice how Ferran was running to where you are. Pushing Eric away from you. He shield you with his body.
"Why is everybody defending her?" Eric yells, getting closer again.
"Don't fucking dare."
"I just don't get why everyone believes she's the innocent girl she pretends to be."
You scuff, he's the one mad at you as if he didn't ruined your relationship. "You were the one telling Pedri shit and making him doubt me. You ruined my relationship"
"Oh no, I ruined your little gold digging act? Are you not able to afford rent now?"
"Fuck you." You spat, feeling rage grow inside of you. "Maybe if you use that mind inside the field you would be a good player and not the trash you are."
"Enough!" Ferran yells. "You, go away." He points at Eric. "Now!"
He grabs your arm, making you walk away from the scene. You keep your hand on your side, trying to smooth the area where is hurting.
"Can you drive?" He asks, you nod slowly. "What the fuck, what the actual fuck?" He whispers.
"I'm fine, you can go back to the party, Ferran." You whisper. "Thank you."
"Are you okay?"
"I'm in shock but I'm fine, don't worry about me. Please don't let this ruin the party." You hug him, his hands on your back trying to calm you down.
Even when you don't cry or show any emotion, he knows you're not okay.
"Tell me when you're home"
"Yes, I'll dm you, thank you."
He's back inside once you're on your way at the driveway. You're on autopilot, feeling hazy from all the emotions you're feeling.
You don't even notice the turns you make until you're outside his door. You turn off the car, taking your phone to text him.
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You waited for barely two minutes, the door of his house opening. You take your seat belt off and stretch to the passenger door, opening it for him.
"Hola, preciosa." He says, worried expression on his face. "Are you okay?"
"Want to go for a ride?" You ask, ignoring his question. He nods, asking you to wait for him.
Once he collects his keys and a sweater, he hup up your car and you began the drive. You have a destination in mind.
Hes quiet, not sure if he's supposed to ask you again if you're okay. He's just enjoying seeing you after so long.
"It's too cold for just that jacket." He says, eyes up and down your body.
"It's fine, it keeps me warm." You say, the stern tone of voice worries him. "Seatbealt on." You say when the annoying alarm goes off.
"Yours is off too." He points at your chest, you just groaned, putting the seatbelt on.
Your drive to the highest part of the park. The beautiful view of Barcelona at night welcome you. You turn the car off, getting out as soon as you can.
You wanted to scream.
All you wanted was peace. You wanted to feel like you used to feel before all of this. You wanted to be able to go home and find your boyfriend there or go to his place and share things about your day, share moments with him.
The hands of Pedri on your shoulders feel heavy, you take a step, making the contact break.
"Do you trust me?" You ask on the verge of tears.
"With my life." He answer, not wasting a minute.
"Then why did you do that to me?" You let the tears fall down your face. "Was I not a good girlfriend?"
"Y/n, don't say that." He shake his head no. "You were the best thing I ever had."
"Then tell me, what it was?"
"It wasn't you, it was me. All me." He elevated his voice. Not at you but at the heat of the situation. "It was all me, I was the one who got those stupid ideas in my head, I trusted you, I knew Kyle was nothing but your friend, I knew you were just friends with Pablo, I know you would never do nothing to hurt me."
"What about the day I left?" You ask, the aftertaste is bitter on your mouth.
The thought of that day bring nightmares to his mind. The things he told you, the shit he provoked. They way he pushed you over the edge to the point of making you leave.
"I don't have a problem with the way you dress, I love your style. I don't have a problem with how much you love your friends, I love your way of acting, the way you love everyone, I don't have a problem with you being friends with Pablo, I love you and I love how my friends are your friends."
He take a deep breath, feeling like the air in his lungs is not enough. Feeling like the cold air is making breathing hard.
"And I'm sorry about the way I treated you, the way I was acting, I never meant to make you feel bad about my insecurities. I was the problem. I was the one who let someone else get into my head, I was the one who made the mistakes, and i was the one who made you feel like I didn't love you."
He gets closer to you, hands on your cheeks, drying the tears. Your hold his hands with yours. "But I love you, don't ever think that I don't." He whispers, kissing the top of your nose.
You nod, grabbing his face with your hands, caressing his cheeks. You pull him towards you, pressing your foreheads together.
"I love you too." You say after a while, pulling away from him. "But I have to love myself first. And I need to see that you changed."
Even when your words burn his heart, he understand. He wanted to prove himself to be what you needed, the person you can trust. He wanted to be all that to you again. Because you're all that to you.
"I'll do anything to prove to you that I changed. I'll wait as long as you need to, I want you to trust me again."
"I miss you." You hug him, arms locking behind his neck. His hands don't miss a minute to intertwine behind your back.
"I miss you more." He kisses you neck. "I promise I will prove you that I can be the person you deserve."
You enjoyed the warmth of his body against yours. You can't help but think of how he was right and your jacket was definitely not enough. You giggle a little.
"What's that?" He asks, smiling.
"You're right, it's too cold." You sniff, feeling the cold reach every part of you.
He separates and undo the zipper of his sweater, hands on each side opening the sweater for you to hug him and get more warm.
"Now that's better." You say, kissing his collarbone, making him smile against your hair.
🪷🪷🪷
"Last christmas I have you my ass, but the very next day you fuck my best friend, this year I'm fucking you dad and I'm also fucking your cousin."
You laugh at Fer singing Cardi's remix of the Christmas song. He was helping you with baking christmas cookies over FaceTime.
Pedro and you have made amazing progress, he was proving himself day by day.
"To think that a year ago today you guys were at the top of a cliff at the park solving your issues." He jokes, making Pedro give him the finger while laughing.
"Good thing your bother knows how to redeem himself." You second Fernando's joke.
"Joer, hablan de mi como si yo no existiera y estoy aquí parado, no me imagino cuando no los pueda escuchar." He laughs, making you smile and shake tou head at him. (You guys talk about me as if I'm not standing right here, I can't imagine what you say when I'm not present)
"only good things, mi amor." You kiss his cheek.
"Bueno, yo los dejo, I have to help mom with some things at la Tasca." (Well, I'm out) he waves you goodbye and cut the FaceTime.
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You two spend the rest of the day decorating and eating the cookies. Making Pedri break his diet, but he was okay with that.
"Oye, ven pa'qui." (Hey, come here) he calls you.
you walk over to him, he's sitting on the couch. A elf hat on his head. You can't help but smile at his cuteness.
"Yes sir?" You ask.
He possess his hands on your waist, pulling you towards him and making you fall on his lap. "Do you like how the house is looking."
"Very much, I love our home." You say, hugging him. "And I love you."
He smiles at you, looking around. He can't help but feel proud of himself. He proved you that he was worth a second chance. That he was your person and that he loved you more than anything.
He was happy you were happy with him. And that was something he knew he couldn't lose. Not you, not your love and not your future together.
"I love you more."
✨️✨️✨️
🏷: @gulphulp @jack1n @girlidekanymore @gadriezmannsgirl since you asked for part 2 🤭✨️
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pascallatte · 1 year
Text
Very Funny
Pairing: Pedro Pascal x Actress!reader
Summary: A very chaotic Kingsman interview
Date: September 2017
A/N: like last time, sorry for the late post. I was having a massive headache so here I am, alive and well, also you aren't here cause this is like a scenario where someone(Halle) hints at your and Pedro's relationship, and will do like 1-2 more of this before my beloved 20s start. so without further ado, enjoy reading and please tell me what you think, like always.
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“So we thought, we’d help you get to know each other. Ok?” Dotty, Halle and Pedro’s interviewer for this video told them. 
Handing Halle a card, “This is for Pedro, so you ask Pedro those.”
“Ok, so she- OK” Still confused at what’s happening, Pedro looks back and forth between Halle and Dotty. 
“These are for Halle. I’m just trying to help you to get to know each other,” handing Pedro his own cue card.
Looking down at her question, “ok, so I go first?” Halle asks, smiling at her questions.
Agreeing, “ you can go first Halle, you go work your way through those questions. I’m trying to help you, get to know Pedro.”
Halle laughs before continuing, “Okay, Pedro. What is something you get wrong almost every time you do it?”
“Like if I ever think I can cook for somebody,” he says making this off-looking look on his face before turning to Halle.
“you can’t cook?”
“I just shouldn’t,” shaking his head at her.
Being the subtle tease she is, “really?”
“really.”
And in want to tease him more, “but do you try hard for-,” she cuts herself off a smirk now seen on her face, “-for your loved ones?” she raises her eyebrows at her emphasis and his reaction.
Nodding slowly, “For my loved ones? Ah, I try-I improvise. I always think that I can improvise a meal and then make a good sandwich,” Pedro was seen rambling on and on, somewhat shocked at Halle’s follow-up question.
“stick to that, stick to what you know”
Deciding to help him out, “so you can’t cook.”
Now looking at her intently, “I can make a good sandwich-” he says as he looks like he was telling something to her through his eyes.
“okay.”
“-and good breakfast.” 
“well breakfast is important,” she tells him, chuckling for a bit.
Almost calm, he responds, “exactly”
Halle’s smile makes him ramble again, sensing the teasing he’ll get, “You want some breakfast? You want a sandwich? Come to me.”
Dotty says as she watched the exchange, “This feels intimate guys. I feel like I should leave.” The pair laughs as Halle makes an 'X' using her arms mouthing,” Not me, not me”
Interrupting with her own questions, Dotty looks at Pedro, “Do you want to make breakfast for Halle?” With the same soft tone as a while ago, he turns to look at Halle’s teasing expression, “I’d love to make breakfast for Halle”
“Halle, do you accept the invitation?”
With a smile and an “isn’t it obvious look,” Halle turns to Pedro with a stoic look before giving a subtle tease (not that anyone but them would get it), “Yeah, anytime, just wanna make me anything you want. I’m telling you he loves making breakfast for his loved ones."
At this time he just accepts her teasing, nodding at her words,” yeah I make breakfast for my loved ones every time.” As if nothing ever happened she began her next question. “So Pedro-“
The interview continued, with questions varying from what was the last lie he told to if there was anyone Halle forgot to thank in her famous Oscar-winning speech and now to the opening, what was the worst way you’ve broken up with or been broken up with someone. 
And with Pedro being on the spot he thought for a moment before sharing with the world that, HE, the Pedro Pascal. Has been broken up by someone via email, which leads the video to his own question for Halle.
“umm, yeah Next question!!” Pedro says loudly as he looks down at his cue cards, making everyone laugh at his declaration.
“what do you look for in a man?”
Raising the mic up, “Clearly all the wrong thi-.“ And just as quickly, Pedro cuts her off, “Now. Now. Today. What do you look for in a man today?"
Jokingly, or not, “Who says I’m looking for a man?” Halle says as Pedro gives her a look which she clearly understands.
Dotty adds her own, “or woman,” making Halle laugh.
Somehow cleared up, “or woman. You know what? What do you look for in a person?”
Looking up, she thinks of something that won’t start something with the press, “Hahh... honesty, everybody would say that. That was a no brainer”
Disagreeing with her, “that is not a no-brainer, honesty is the most important. The number one-“
Dotty being the curious person and interviewer that she is, asks him,” How about you Pedro? What do you look for in a woman..or a man?” Also shrugging like her her question isn’t such a big deal.
Halle seeing this as an opportunity to tease him again, leans closer to him, “Hmm, what do you look for in a woman Pedro?”
Whispering to her, but the mic still picks it up, “huh, I think I know this.” Faking an innocent expression, she raises her hands up in surrender, “no, no”.
Jokingly, the interviewer joins in with Halle’s teasing, “Yeah no, we just want to tell your fans your...let’s say type.” Unconsciously fanning himself with the cue cards, he whispers to his right, “Don’t deny it.” 
Halle, despite the chaotic mess they’ve portrayed just now, still urged him, “Okay, just give us five words” 
Breathily, “Five words to descri- what I look for?” Pedro, who was still looking at her, asked as she just nodded in amusement.
They stared at him expectantly, making Pedro leave no choice but to answer, “Okay, okay, let’s see. I want someone who cares, obviously.” Leaning back the chair as he lifts one hand to count.
The interviewer does the same, “Ok that’s one.”
“Someone who can keep up with me, in every aspect.” He listed, getting nods from Halle, who has this very obvious smile on her face. “Of course.”
Looking at Halle, “Umm when sh-they love to be themselves. Like always especially when I've gone and done all the unthinkable every midnight..”
Leaning back in exaggeration, “Oh those are oddly specific.”  Copying her stance, “Is it? No, it’s not, I’m speaking in general over here.” Bringing both hands in the air as he emphasizes general.
Just agreeing to what he says, she continues, “Now, how about features?”
“Features? Why features?” He gives her a very very questioning look, making her laugh as she leans on him. “I don’t know, you tell me.”
He fakes a chuckle as he realizes, this is still a part of her scheme, “I mean, they should be lovely-look, everyone I love would look lovely to me.” Halle gives Pedro an audible hum and a wink towards the camera.
“what??”
Sniffling a laugh, Halle just waved a hand in the air, “Nothing, go on.”
Dotty, now really curious, “Hold up I sense something here, is there someone? You’re like thinking of?” And like a deer in headlights, the bickering pair turns to her, Pedro shaking his head and Halle smiling in her seat.
“oh no no, absolutely not. I don-it would be out in the world already if I do- just with what’s happening." Pedro insisted, arms waving around to show that there's no one.
“Sure, sure. You can’t keep it a secret can you?”
Flicking his cards towards her, “Hey! Okay the last one is that..they…should be-“
Whispering to the mic as subtle as she can, “-small and energetic”
Whipping his head at her declaration, more of in a panic state than a surprised state, “Huh? What do you mean where did that come from?”
“Yeah Halle, where did that come from?” Butting in as Dotty is now more curious at the meaning than the interview proper itself.
Shrugging, “I don’t know, cause I do have a friend who’s small and energetic and-“
“who is I-“Dotty was cut off when Pedro spoke loudly towards the mic. “Yeah, okay, okay. that’s enough. She doesn’t have a friend, who’s small…and energetic. I think? that I know of.” Looking at her with big eyes as he plays with the back of her chair.
Sensing that the time they have is almost out, Halle opts to end it with a final tease, “He’s right, I don’t, but he does.” Small tease being this exaggerated wink and pointer finger pointed at him.
Pedro, like shoving people out of the way ends the interview, “Very funny. I don’t- actually don’t believe whatever’s coming out of her mouth, at the moment.” Making the people around him laugh as he slumps on his chair.
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙
Taglist: @benonlinear @t-stark35 @heyitsme-2 @elleeeee21 @holmesstrange @tagakalat @flyestvenustrap @oldermenaremyreligion @cherryred444 @hobiismyhopeu @ilovehotdadsandshit @djarinsstuff @guacala @avengersheart @pukka-latte @lilvampirina (the ones in bold can't be tagged on my side. Please tell me if you've encountered any problems on your end)
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drewharrisonwriter · 8 months
Text
No Ties
Henry Cavill x Actress OFC
Summary: You don't do commitments, and it looks like Henry may be down for it.
AO3 | Masterlist
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You had just wrapped up a movie with your Hollywood crush, Henry Cavill, not more than a week ago, and now you were sailing in a catamaran across Italy with him and your closest friends, Pedro, Oscar, and Sarah before the press tours.
Your admiration for Henry had been a long-standing affair, something you'd made clear long before you began working together. You'd even cracked jokes during the previous year's Oscars where you won Best Supporting Actress, cheekily thanking him in your speech, despite not having worked together at that point.
With the movie-making behind you, you were finally able to relax with the people who made you feel most at ease, including Henry.
"I'm not a virgin, if that's what you're asking," you told him candidly, causing him to snort and nearly spill his drink. The warmth of the whisky tingled the roof of his mouth and the back of his nose.
"That's not what—"
"May I remind you that I'm nearing my 30s," you continued, adding a playful twist to the conversation.
"I–I am just curious because, you know..." He stammered, clearly wrestling with his words. You understood what he meant; to Henry, you seemed young, and he had no confirmation of any public relationships. You nodded, encouraging him to continue.
"I'm sorry," he began as you settled beside him, tucking your feet up on the cushioned booth of the catamaran's dining area.
"I, uh... am just curious, you know, and I am not here to judge—"
"Are you attracted to me?" you blurted out with an almost deadpan expression, catching him off guard. His cerulean eyes widened in surprise, and he held his breath.
He remained still in mild shock at your words, and you continued, "Because why else would you be so interested in what I've done in the sack?"
"Can't a person be curious?" Henry tried to play it cool, taking a sip from his glass as you pouted and shook your head lightly.
"I'll have sex with you, if that's what you want. Gladly," you stated bluntly, leaving him with his mouth hanging open in complete shock.
Despite the public knowledge that you were a huge fan of him, likely mentally dating him for years, you made it clear that committed relationships were not your thing. It's just the way you lived, you told people.
You had been a professional singer for over a decade, and your rise to stardom had been meteoric. Each album, each single, each tour was a resounding success. In the past three years, you had ventured into the world of movies and achieved success there as well. 
Sarah once told you that everything you touch turns to gold, and Pedro humorously referred to you as Queen Midas. 
Given the way you were living your life, the last thing you needed was a relationship that could potentially hold you back.
"Did you finally break him?" Oscar chuckled as he descended into the kitchen, shaking his head with a smug look on his face. Pedro and Sarah followed him, removing their sunglasses as they took a seat opposite you and Henry.
Henry took another sip from his glass, suspiciously longer than necessary.
"Did she give you the 'I don't do relationships' spiel?" Pedro laughed, and Sarah rolled her eyes, but a huge smile was plastered on her face.
Henry gently set the glass down on the table, his eyes locked onto it as he seemed to contemplate his response.
"I'm—surprised. Your songs are so... romantic. That's why I asked, I mean... you must have experienced strong feelings for people for you to pen and sing those songs," he finally spoke, his gaze still fixed on the glass.
"Do you want to know her secret?" Sarah asked excitedly, biting her lower lip. Henry looked up and nodded his head with a shy smile. "She writes about our experiences. Not hers..." She giggled.
"That makes sense."
Later that evening, as your friends dozed off in the living area of the catamaran, you found Henry on the deck, gazing at the distant view of Amalfi, a drink and cigar in hand. You announced your presence by lightly knocking on a nearby pole. He turned around and warmly smiled at you as you walked toward him, slipping under his free arm.
Surprised and uncertain of what to do, you guided his free arm to wrap around your waist, and he relaxed in response.
"So what..." He began, "Are we a thing now?" You both exchanged glances and laughed as you wrapped your arms around him, leaning against his chest.
"You could say that. Just let me know if you want to stop, and everything stops," you assured him.
"Is that how this works? What do you do when you catch feelings?" Henry asked with a hint of curiosity. You giggled in response.
"Well, that's the thing. No feelings. Just... fun and company." you stated matter-of-factly.
"I don't know how I feel about that."
"Well, you can start by not telling me how you feel about that." You chuckled and he was smiling, amused as he shook his head in disbelief. 
You looked up at him, and he was already looking down at you, slowly leaning in. You closed your eyes as the tip of his nose brushed against yours, his breath warm and carrying the scent of whisky and cigar—intoxicating. You inhaled it slowly, and his lips finally met yours. You leaned back and loosened your arms around him, tiptoeing to meet his lips where they were.
It was your first real kiss, not something rehearsed for a music video or a movie, where dozens of people scrutinized your every move for the audience.
This was... real life.
"So..." He breathed, "No feelings, huh?" A smile curled up on your face as you shook your head, leaning back in to kiss him some more.
"Yeah. No feelings. That's the only rule." You whispered. 
"Wanna take this inside?" He nodded, and you both made your way back to your room.
"This is not how I pictured our first time would be," you mumbled as you slowly unbuttoned his shirt while he untied your robes. He sucked in a breath as the fabric fell on the floor, revealing everything for him to see.
"Commando, huh?" He looked up at you, a sudden intensity in his usually soft blue eyes. You cocked your head back in a slight laugh.
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bestworstcase · 14 days
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I am vexed bestworstcase, vexed! I am trying to write dialogue/interactions between Salem and Oscar and struggling with their characterizations. I keep turning the interrogation/false-start reunion scene in the whale over and over again in my mind. What would it look like for Oscar and Salem to be forced to talk to and interact with each other on more even ground or working towards a truce? (With a big ol Oz shaped elephant in the room.) I want to get across Oscar as an active participant with autonomy and not flatten him, while also reckoning with Salem’s complex headspace around this whole shitshow. Do you have an idea of how you’d approach writing that dynamic? Any advice on how to make such a dynamic hold true to their characters while being an interesting exploration of their relationship? [What fucking happens if they’re kind to each other when they’re both expecting cruelty???] Genuinely interested in your thoughts on this considering the show itself will inevitable have to revisit this dynamic at its climax and conclusion
basics first. my general read on salem is that she has a solid grasp of what makes people tick but struggles to articulate her thoughts clearly, and this has cascading impacts on her speech: if she isn’t delivering planned and rehearsed remarks, she seems to either circumlocute (in ways that are, textually, confusing: “what are you saying” + her inner circle’s wildly different interpretations of what she means) or just say nothing at all.
i think this reading explains salem’s manner of speech far better than the pure ‘manipulative, lying puppetmaster’ angle a lot of the fandom ascribes to her, because there are these incidents—like the interrogation scene—where salem is being manipulative and her tactics are very cunning but undermined by her erratic or flat affect and unclear speech; if she were a masterful manipulator being cryptic on purpose for the sake of deception, she would be able to turn that off and speak plainly in situations where being cryptic is counterproductive to her purpose. but it really doesn’t seem like she can do that.
complicating all this is that 1. i think salem is aware that she’s Not Good at conversation, and 2. she wants to be understood. her constant seething about ozma’s lies is partly from the traumatic betrayal of her trust and also partly because he’s spent the intervening centuries poisoning the well against her to ensure that anyone who meets her will have the preconceived notion that she’s an unfeeling, unreasonable, inhuman monster. so there’s a degree of self-protection in her silence and her aversion to talking about herself, i think—if ozma couldn’t give her the benefit of the doubt, why would she expect better from anyone else?
with oscar specifically—i’m assuming a post-v8/9 context—there’s also the complication of salem having. tortured him. the last time they spoke which i feel is almost a bigger goliath in the room than oz is, because salem is actually pretty on the ball with separating oscar from her feelings about ozma. but the torture is very personal and very fraught for both of them; do you acknowledge it? apologize? ask for an apology? if oscar doesn’t bring it up, should she? is salem doesn’t acknowledge what she did, how does oscar navigate whatever feelings he might have about that or assumptions he might make as to why (is she pretending it never happened? does she think it doesn’t matter? will she get angry if he brings it up? the last time he tried to reason with someone ironwood shot him off a ledge)? it’s delicate.
some uh, general things that i try to hold in mind when i write dialogue for salem:
what is she thinking and not saying?
why isn’t she saying it? is she afraid of not being understood or is she not able to see the gaps or is she not sure how to put it into words?
what does she mean?
is this something she planned out in advance (or something she talks about often enough to have a sort of script in her mind), or is she speaking off the cuff?
when in doubt, she should probably say less
remember that her affect gets erratic and weird when she’s really uncertain
does she have people on her side whom she can kind of rely on to fill in the gaps (eg, summer) or is she on her own?
her soliloquies are eloquent, even poetic; her speech tends to be simpler. she rarely uses metaphors in conversation.
she tends to answer questions by giving examples that imply her intended meaning, and i am… not sure she realizes that she’s doing it. (cinder in v5 is a good example: salem says “never underestimate the usefulness of others; take leonardo, he was one of ozpin’s most trusted, and now…” when what she means is she’s hoping she can turn ruby against oz later)
when she isn’t sure how to respond she sort of stares blankly into the middle distance for a second or two. (she does it with cinder in v5 and oscar in v8)
oscar is similar in a way because i think he spends a lot of time in his head and it’s rare for him to get to a point of emotional enough to let out… any of the deep existential fear he’s living in, and i get the sense that he’s very conscious of what he says—which can come out in awkward stammering but also in a very deliberate cadence when he’s feeling more confident or determined or too focused on what he’s trying to express to feel self-conscious about it. but at the same time he’s easier because he doesn’t have, gestures at salem and her labyrinth of emotional armor, all of that. and wasn’t alone for millions of years.
with the specific context of olive branches and peace talks i think—esp at first—salem’s liable to be pretty tangibly awkward? because being asked questions and engaged with like a Person instead of a Fairytale Witch runs so counter to her expectations for how people will treat her. kind of a rattling experience, and nerve-wracking.
rewatching scenes is always useful. i try to take note of like body language and cadence ’cause achieving dialogue that feels in character is as much about how the character talks as what sort of things they say. and also thinking about character goals and emotionality—what are they trying to get from this interaction, how do their feelings influence their speech, do they succeed or fail and why?—is helpful too. what motivates the words they say? what motivates the thoughts they keep to themselves?
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cosmo-watches-movies · 8 months
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Wilde (1997)
Triggerwarning: Homophobia, Sex (in the movie, not depicted in this blogpost)
Plot: A part of Oscar Wilde’s life story.
Spoilers beyond this
Michael plays Robbie Ross, a good friend to Oscar Wilde and, delicately put, his first male lover.
Following are my incoherent thoughts as I was watching the movie: (some gifs for context, for the other parts watch the movie and you'll get it)
starting out chill with Oscar meeting his future wife
oh who might this dashing young fella be?
lol that didn’t work did it?
Nevermind it did work
I was so not prepared for this
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This guy has a lot of thoughts in his head and none of them are holy
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Bitch what
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If someone looked at me like that I’d instantly fall for them too. Man brought his A-Game
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Oh my god this is going too fast even for me and I’m just watching
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Why would you give him lines like that?
(I refuse to clip the next part, I don't know who might read this)
What in the what I barely got into the movie, why would you do this to me
I have questions
I have so many emotions at once right now I actually feel a bit sick
I’m 16 Minutes in and my heart is breaking at the thought of where this might be going
Okay, I got used to the fact that I am actually watching a movie about gay men
Me watching a movie about a gay author: (☆ω☆ )
Me when theres actual portayal of intimacy between men: (○ □ ○ )
I swear I’m so normal about this.
Wtf Oscar why would you drop Robbie like that. I get that this was an affair, but like this? He picked that other guy up like an apple from a tree.
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Watch Robbie take this like the king he is
Oscar met yet another guy (Bosie) and seems to fall in love with him and guy #2 litterally wants to khs and/or Bosie, while Robbie has only respect, acceptance and love to give.
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lol taste of your own medicie, huh?
I hate Bosie
I love Robbie
Drama between Bosie and Wilde, which results in Oscar being sentenced to two years in prison
Oof that speech Oscar held in court tho, right in the feels
Robbie is an absolute treasure of a person. Get yourself a man like him. Don’t settle for less.
Wtf all this stress and heartbreak for Oscar and Bosie to break up after three months, the world is a cruel place
- End of incoherent thoughts-
That was heartbreaking in so many ways. The main story obviously is unbelievably tragic but we shall focus on other things. There are a lot of strong performances in this movie, the whole cast was quite good. You can strongly feel the love Robbie has for Oscar, he has this soft tone when he talks to or about him, he wants him to be happy even if it means that he himself wont be. He accepts that Oscar doesn’t love him the same way and still supports his friend under any circumstances. It's not just in the dialouge, it's also in the way Robbie talks to and looks at Oscar. He’s pure kindness, love and devotion.
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He cares so much for him it's breaking my poor little heart :c
On a less serious note, my guy really went ahead and had his first on-screen kiss be a gay kiss!?! Fuckin hell! And he did so well! Icon, king, legend, right from the start!
Because there aren't enough gifs in this already, have some more little moments I enjoyed :3
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✨Puppy dog eyes✨
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Good save xD
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Why would you hold it like that?
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I don't even know why, just thought he looked dashing in this scene
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Me too, Robbie, me too.
I probably could've written more, but that wouldn't do the movie and characters justice. Bosie's full brattiness alone is something I couldn't even capture in gifs. Kudos to Jude Law, he really made me hate that character. He's the exact opposite of Robbie. They had only two scenes together I think, but it's awesome to see their personalities clash.
I’d say you should check this movie out, especially if you’re lgbt+ yourself obviously. And then go ahead and read Oscar Wildes works, they're queer history and in general important literature anyone should know.
At the end of this I have learned that I, in fact, don’t hate love drama, I just like it if it's gay. And preferably has a certain actor in it.
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jessimiko · 11 months
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Hello today I am thinking about the distinct way Oscar has supported Ruby.
A lot of others have tried to help her, to some degree or another, Yang especially. Like the scene in volume 8 after Ruby runs off. And that's important, it counts for something.
They tried to help her, but they didn't really try the way she needed them to, didn't help her the way she needed them to. And to be fair, Ruby didn't really communicate with them about what kind of support she needed. Hell, she might not have known what she needed, either.
Ruby wants to help people. It's like it's just in her nature, to want to give support and care. So she lets herself be someone her friends can lean on.
They do not return the favor.
Penny is a pretty big offender of this, for example. Even since volume 1 Penny has always leaned so heavily on Ruby, and like the others, just... never really offers her the same in return. I'm not saying Penny was a bad friend, I'm just saying I think we'd be kidding ourselves if we acted like the weight of Penny leaning against her didn't contribute to her emotional breakdown. I mean, Ruby feels so personally responsible for Penny, like it's her job to take care of her. Like she has to.
Caring for someone because you want to is all well and good, but caring for someone because you feel like you have to puts a whole different level of pressure on you. Why else do you think Ruby felt so responsible for Penny's death, when she wasn't even there when it happened?
This weight is not exclusively given to her by Penny, but it's particularly heavy for her since Penny is dead, and she feels like she failed her, somehow.
I say all this, but make no mistake, none of it was done intentionally. They genuinely had no idea the pressure they were putting on Ruby, the way they were unintentionally hurting her. And part of it is certainly a lack of communication, between all of them. That kind of thing happens! And it doesn't mean they were horrible to her, or bad friends, or anything like that. Just something they need to change, and learn from.
Regardless, Ruby has not been getting the support she needs. For the most part, at least. Even when she makes the attempt to reach out herself, it doesn't work.
Blake tries to comfort Ruby when they're turning the generator on, tells her "Hey, it'll work." To which Ruby's shoulders slump, and she replies "Nothing else has."
Blake then gives her a motivating speech about how she doesn't always know what to do, but that's never stopped her from doing something, and how she's always looked up to Ruby.
Sure, Ruby appreciated it at the time, it was positive affirmation after all. But it's also not what she needed in that moment.
Ruby was making an attempt to be just Ruby. Not a leader, not a huntress, just a girl because she is so tired. She wants to put down the "inspiring leader" role and just admit that she's afraid and upset and stressed and so, so tired.
But Blake does not give her a safe space to do that.
And in the end, she can't live up to that expectation, either.
"...but that's never stopped you from doing something."
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Likewise, Yang tries to comfort Ruby after she has her outburst and runs off.
Yang starts by telling a joke to try and lighten the mood, "Still having to one-up your big sis, huh?" Which is promptly ignored. Ruby is not in the mood for jokes.
This scenario is different in that Ruby isn't just dejected, she's frustrated and angry that her plan didn't work. She's being self-deprecating, sure, but she was venting. Just trying to get it all off her chest.
She's not looking for comfort, in that moment. She's looking for someone to listen.
Yang does not listen.
Instead, she tells Ruby about what did work, what they did manage to do, and that while their mom took a risk the day she left, it didn't go how she wanted it to. But Summer is still her hero.
It ends up putting Ruby back in her mother's shoes again, rather than being reassuring. It reinforces her idea that she has to live up to the great Summer Rose, and be a hero.
Ruby does not feel like a hero.
"...but she's still my hero."
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Saying the others are entirely to blame for this would be bullshit, and saying it's not their fault at all would also be bullshit.
Because here's the thing. Ruby fell into the role of support friend so easily and so naturally that... nobody really stopped to consider that she needed that support, too. They never noticed, because they were never really looking. They weren't looking because they didn't think they had to. Thought there was nothing to look for.
Except...there is someone who looked. There is someone who noticed, and considered. Right from the start, even.
Someone who realized "This must be really hard on her, too."
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It's Oscar. Oscar is the unique exception.
And I am so tired of people pretending that's not significant.
Circling back around to the flaws in how the others have tried to help Ruby, there's a pretty common theme.
They don't let her be upset about things.
Two scenes in particular come to mind: Blake comforting Ruby V8, and Yang comforting Ruby in V8 as previously mentioned.
Ruby is upset, in both of these scenes. In one of them she ran off so she could go be upset. She's not necessarily looking for a solution, or a way to stop being upset. It's shows of vulnerability that are meant to convey that she wants a shoulder to cry on. Basically, "Please be here with me while I get this out of my system. I just need to be miserable about how much everything sucks right now, just for a minute."
In both of the aforementioned scenes, they do not offer a safe space for her let it all out. It goes immediately to "Well here's all the good things that have happened, here's what I admire about you, here's why you shouldn't be upset."
It comes from a place of genuine love and care. If someone you loved was hurting, it's only natural you would want to try and make them feel better, right?
But sometimes that's not what they need.
She's upset, and they need to let her be upset. Let her feel her feelings, even the negative ones! It sucks, but in the long term, bottling them up is far worse. You need to let it out sometimes, because one way or another, it will come out. Try to suppress it for too long and eventually it will explode.
Which is exactly what happens to Ruby in volume 9.
And in a stark contrast, in the dojo scene specifically, Oscar doesn't try to make her look at the positives or keep a stiff upper lip. In fact, it's more Ruby that's doing that to him. But he doesn't expect her to be okay or stay positive or give a pep talk or whatever. He doesn't expect her to be okay.
If anything, he's annoyed/frustrated that she's not letting herself be upset. Because surely, surely, she must be, right? How could she possibly be okay with any of this?
It's the complete opposite of what Ruby has come to expect, what she believes others expect from her.
This is what prompts Ruby to open up about her pain over what happened at Beacon, for the first time. That is huge.
And that's not even the only thing. He's been there for her in many ways that nobody else really has.
For example, in volume 6 after they tell Jaune, Ren, and Nora the truth about Oz and Salem, he's the one who looks and notices the toll it's taking on her. The other's distress (especially Nora, and especially Jaune) is more loud and and aggressive, it's big emotions showing in big ways, and it tends to become the center of attention. But Ruby's pain lurks quietly in the shadows. It's harder to notice, especially when there's something louder also demanding your attention. It's even noticable in the framing, the way Ruby is isolated in the corner.
But Oscar has already had the realization that she's hurting more than she lets on. He's the only one in this moment who thought "Is Ruby okay?"
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Then of course, there's the part where Oscar remembers Ruby said food always makes her feel better. He said he made that casserole for all of them, and I don't doubt that was part of it. But we saw the way you hesitated and looked right at Ruby, mister. You aren't subtle.
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And then there's the moment at the beginning of volume 7, where he confronts Ruby about her choice to lie to Ironwood.
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He was visibly angry about it earlier, but he doesn't show her that, because he knows that wouldn't be helpful to the situation. Quite the contrary, he's hesitant to talk to her about it.
He knows questioning her decision is going to add even more pressure. He doesn't want that. But he also understands that she deserves to know. He knows how important communication is.
And when he tells her, he doesn't use any accusatory language. He does not say "you", he frames it more as a concept; something they're all doing.
"Hiding things from Ironwood..."
He's not questioning her ability as a leader, he's not accusing her of anything. He's simply telling her "Hey, I think you should know that I don't like this. I trust you, and I won't tell him if you don't want me to, but you should be aware that this doesn't sit right with me."
It's actually quite significant, the more I think about it. It's a double edged sword.
On one hand, it's Oscar acknowledging that she's not perfect and she can make mistakes, and that's okay. But it's also him telling her that he thinks this choice is a mistake, which feeds into her self doubt. It's simultaneously exactly what she needs to hear and exactly what she doesn't want to hear.
Coupled with his distinct use of words during The Fumble, "We should tell Ironwood!" and "He's finally choosing the truth over fear...we should do the same."
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He's actively letting her know that she's not alone, that's he's there for her, even in this matter where they originally disagreed. He's always been telling her that, in little ways.
Plus, he not only makes the effort to help shoulder her burdens here, Ruby believes it's her responsibility to tell Ironwood the truth because she chose to keep it from him in the first place. But Oscar knows she has other things to attend to. She's got enough on her plate as is. So he tells her it's alright, he'll take care of it, no need to worry.
And Ruby's timid response: "You're sure?" because sharing responsibilities is not something she's used to, but at the same time, after volume 9 we know she's been aching for someone to lean on. And oh, there is someone, isn't there?
So she lets Oscar handle it, because she trusts him. And she trusts him not to judge her for wanting that support.
I could go on, but the point is how distinct and unique the dynamic between Ruby and Oscar is. Ruby does not have this dynamic with anyone else. He's consistently been there for her in a way no one else has been able to be.
"🎶You don't need me anymore, you don't see me anymore.🎶"
Ruby does not feel seen by the others, that much is clear. But Oscar is the exception.
He sees her.
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bigmack2go · 3 months
Text
Newsies as Things my friend and me have said bc im shocked i haven’t done this yet
Sarah: THIS!
Sarah: *points at tailor doll*
Sarah: this is the reason i‘m into women!
(Sarah *in a whispered sob*: my hand fits her waist so perfectly….)
Albert after getting one question wrong: if you’re alowed to be dumb, so am i
Albert *shocked*: why is there no crossover of „sing“ and „zootopia??“
Albert: i mean—… NOT EVEN A FANFICTION!
Jack: there are very few names that are acceptable for sausage dogs
Jack *clears throat*….
Race:*wakes up david from his much needed afternoon nap*
Race: do u ever mix up the feeling of attraction with the one of jealousy???
Les: so if harry potter is an otter—
Les: and ron weasly is a weasle….
Les: whats hermione??
Albert: *beetboxing and drumming on the table*
Race *in a rhythmic suiting tune*: iiiiiiiittttt issssss
Race and Al: Four. A. M. Andimreallytrynnasleep. Buticant. Cuz- i think— cuz i think there’s someone in my house—
Albert: anyone else ever wonder how it would go if henry danger went to hogwarts?
Davey (in the middle of a conversation about hotdogs or smt): is there a place where you can give emoji suggestions??
Hotshot: what are you doing?
Autistic!Spot *squatting*: i need to make sure these pants don’t give me over sensory issues
Race: i dont get hyperfixations
Albert: you— you litteraly memorised Hamilton
Race: IT WAS TO KEEP MY BRAIN IN FORM
Katherine: why is it, whenever i find someone hot, they get a haircut???
Albert: SHUT UP YOU LITTLE— YOU LITTLE… i cabt think of an insult but imagine something thats really bad just so you know i am in fact really mad
(Race: woah who would have thought i’d live to see albert dasilva not being able to think of an insult)
Albert: ok but like… the characterbuilding of pawpatrol is like,,, really fucking good
Albert: like that shit deserves an oscar
Spot: did it hurt when you fell—
Race (litterally from down on the floor): when i fell from heaven?
Spot: no when you-
Race: when i fell for you?
Spot: RACE YOU JUST F E L L OF THE STAIRS
Jack: ah where did i put my crutchie?
Jack: GAYS HAS ABYONE SEEN MY CRUTCHIE?
Jack: damnit why do i keep losing i— ahhh there it is!
Elmer: ask for forgiveness, not permission
Hotsot: *sighs exasperated while watching elmer proceed to pull out a baloon sword with a genuinely evil look on his face*
Jack: you ever notice how you can deescalate literally any situation by [doing smt] as long as the situation is right?
Davey: *blinks*
Smalls: soooo i think i may or may not have just accidentally invented backwards stealing
Jack: ugh! Nephew, grandson! Wheres the difference, really??
Jack: i just stepped on my painting
Jack: haha! Look at those cute lil paint pawprints on the floor
Jack:
Jack: wait why do my feet make pawshaped pawprints???
Davey: thats it. Im done. I quit.
Elmer: quit what?
Davey:
Davey: life.
Spot: im trying to work on my anger issues
Albert: you literally just punched somebody
Spot: and it made me less angry
Mrs Kirby: buttons what are you doing here? This isn’t your classroom
Buttons (shamelessly): avoiding my teacher hopefully for another….
Buttons (squinting at the clock):
Buttons (happy as ever): 36 minutes!
Graves: my bf is being homophobic
Hotshot: youre single???
Graves: exactly!!
Davey: i may be antisocial but im still a socialist
Albert: spot, if i dropped dead here and now and race wasn’t there to witness that you didn’t murder me, what would you do with my body?
Spot: bold of u to assume I didn’t murder u
Spot: or need race as a witness
Spot: or—
Albert: OKAY I GET IT
Albert *putting on creme-deodorant*:
Jack: is this hair wax you’re putting under your arms???
Albert:…
Albert: yes.
Albert: it blocks the sweat glands.
Jack: *proceeds to go on about a ten minute speech about how tiktok spreads false information and life hacks*
Race: ow ow ow ow
Spot: what?
Race: i put on the wrong glasses
Spot: race w h a t
Albert: im a left handed green eyed ginger and thats not even the worst part—
Race: there are four types of people.
Race: watch.
Race: *shoves crutchie so he falls*
Jack: *gasps and runs to fight race*
Davey: *gasps and runs to help crutchie*
elmer: *gasps and laughs at crutchie*
Albert: *gasps and laughs at race*
Race: see
Race: *the most satisfied hes beenin his life*
No one:
Absolutely no one:
On this entire planet no one:
smalls *giving b i r t h*: ow ouch ow ah- yeah that does in fact hurt, owowow
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dre6ming · 1 year
Text
The delicate beginning rush
Chapter VIII ~ I wished on a dandelion
Masterlist < all chapters are here>
Instagram photo dump masterlist
To be added to the tag list click HERE <but I’ve reached my limit of 50 tags per post so idk>
Pairing: Austin Butler x singer/actress fem reader
Warning: anxiety, cursing, age gap (10years), kissing, crying, fluff, angst …. hope that’s all
Plot: you try to get Austin out of your system by dating Joshua, but it feels so wrong to string him along. Eventually you and Austin give in and sparks fly
Word count: ~6900
Disclaimer: everything is fake :))
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March 12th
My heart is racing and my hands are trembling. If 10 years ago you've told me, that I'd be here, walking the Oscar's red carpet as a nominee, I probably would've laughed right in your face. Regardless here I am now, and it feels like the air is too thick to breath in. "Hey, calm down, sweet dumpling." Timmy places his hand at the small of my back rubbing reassuring circles. I try to relax, shaking my shoulders slightly to release some of the tension in them. "You've got this." He whispers in my ear. I nod, but really I don't believe him, seems unreal, what's happening right now.
"And the Oscar, for best actress in a lead role, goes to" Scarlet Johansson makes a pause in her speech and the room goes quiet, I can almost hear my heart thudding against my rib cage. "(Y/n) (L/n), Reconstructing Amelia." There's this annoying buzzing in my ears, everything is blurry, but I can feel Timmy shake me awake, as I turn my head to him, smiling brightly. "You won!" He screams at me, wearing his most sincere smile, with tears at the bream of his eyes. "I did, oh fuck, I did!" I say hugging him and quickly, getting up to walk over on the stage and get my award.
My legs are shaking and I'm sweating, so I wipe my hands on my pants before taking the award from Chris Evans, after hugging both him and Scarlet. Standing in front of the microphone, with lights shining in my eyes and the crowd watching me, I get cold chills down my spine. "This is an extraordinary honor, that the academy, has granted me. No award has the power to truly define something so subjective as art, but it is fulfilling when you receive it nonetheless. I want to congratulate all the other nominees and everyone who was brave enough to make and put out a movie this year, regardless of it being on any list tonight or not. Acting is truly an escape for me, I find comfort in being able to tell the story of so many people with just one person. I want to thank my teachers, my fans, my team, my costars, for constant support and a great long partnership, it takes a village and this award is for every person in my life who supports me, loves me, teaches me, who guides me and who trusts me to have the privilege of doing what I love. Thank you!" I lift my award up in the air, letting out a few nervous laughs, before carefully stepping off the stage and right into Timmy's arms, where I start to cry profusely. "I'm so proud of you sweet dumpling" he says kissing my hair, squeezing me as tight as he can in his arms.
"Come on let's get your name on the thing!" He says, dragging me over to the station where they engrave your name on the award. "I can't believe this is real." I watch wide eyed as my name gets put on the gold statue. The happiness I feel right now is unmatched to anything I've felt before. It's a high so maddening I wish for it to never end. "Of course it did, you're so talented, bug" I laugh at his nick name for me, one he hasn't used in years. "Thank you." I whisper leaning into his shoulder, as Timmy puts one arm over my shoulder, caressing my arm. "For what, bug?" Giving him the side eye, we break into laughter, knowing full well his big ego shines bright. "For everything, big brother" his eyes glimmer with tears and he sniffs quickly, trying to hold them back.
After getting the award engraved, I had the stay for the rest of the ceremony. My movie ended up winning a few more categories, taking home 4 awards total. Then it's fast forward to the hotel room, to get changed for the after party and fixing up my makeup since I cried most of it off. "Ready to go?" Jeremiah asks, popping up the collar of his silk shirt. "Yeah" I giggle, smoothing the fabric of my dress. I chose a pink and orange number, decided it reminded me a lot of the outfit Taylor wore when she won, album of the year, at the Grammys, for the second time.
The party was nice, I guess I could say I had fun, but I'm not the party person. Crowded events make me nervous, I hate meeting new people and the whole time I had this bubble in my chest, ready to burst. It isn't until me and Timmy are out of the elevator and into my very quiet, very big, very empty apartment, that the bubble bursts.
My vision gets blurry and tears start flowing. "W-what's wrong?" Timothee asks worried, holding my shoulders. "Why am I not enough?" I say fully breaking down and falling in his arms. He understands what I mean. Why am I not enough for my parents? As my knees give up on me, Timmy catches me and carries me bridal style to my room, placing me on the bed and cuddling close to me. "Shh you are enough, bug, you are everything!" He says over and over again. I hear the words, but they mean nothing, he's not the one I want to hear saying those things. So I keep crying into his shoulder, clinging onto his shirt, shaking with every sob, while he keeps comforting me. I fall asleep in his arms and just like that the happiest day of my life, was also one of the saddest.
March 14th
Breathing in deeply, I look at myself in the mirror. The white wedding dress, fits me perfectly and my hair is neatly done. I look gorgeous. I really do. I'll be honest here, I was never that kind of girl who dreamed of her wedding, or pictured the perfect dress, but I do have to say, standing here all glammed and ready to walk down the aisle, I understand why some people love fantasizing about their wedding day.
This music video is going to look beautiful, for the past week or so, me and Joshua have been going back and forth with ideas, adding as many little Easter eggs as possible. The wedding scene is inspired by Bella's and Edward's wedding in Twilight. My prom dress is green, like the one in the movie "tick tick boom" and these are just a few small details.
After talking to Taylor and waking up that morning, texting Joshua was a bit of an impulse decision. He and I had a nice dinner and we laughed a lot, but it felt like hanging out with a best friend, nothing more. Still that didn't stop me from kissing him when he left. I close my eyes sighing, I know I'm a horrible person, because I keep telling myself I'll feel it, but no matter how many time I kiss him, all I think about is Austin and how good it would feel if it were him.
Austin...I groan at the thought of him, turning away from the mirror and scratching the inside of my palm, to stop myself from running my hands through my hair. I haven't talked to him since that night. He texted me a couple of times and I replied with short, empty texts. He called one time also, but I was with Joshua at the time and I rejected the call, so he never called again. Distancing myself from Austin, didn't help much with getting him out of my head, if anything it made it worse, cause I'm always wondering what he's doing, how he's doing. I must've stalked every fan page ever created for him, but all that did was remind me of why I should keep my distance. The comments about me and him, didn't die down since he always likes and comments on my instagram posts, giving fans every reason to believe something is going on between us.
"Ready?" Someone from production comes and asks me. "Yeah" I say, lifting the front of my dress up and walking after the girl.
March 17th
It's 5:20 am, too early for anything, but here I am in the back of my car as Matt drives to the airport for our flight to LA, which leaves in 2 and a half hours. "Ugh I hate mornings!" I groan taking a big sip of my coffee, making Matt laugh at me. "I know miss, I'm sorry!" Shaking my head, I take my phone out, opening instagram and posting a few stills from the music video, which comes out this Friday, same release date as my single. Of course my team tried to push for Joshua to wait and release it next week, but his team kept insisting a double release would create enough clout for the both of us. Before I get to finish the post my phone buzzes with a text from Austin?!
Austin B🕺:
Hey, are you in LA?
Me:
No, not yet, had something come up and had to push leaving for LA by two days.
Austin B🕺:
Oh, I see. Do you still want to come over?
Me:
Um yeah, sure, maybe Thursday?
Austin B🕺:
Perfect. Here's my address: location
Me:
Ok, what time should I be over?
Austin B🕺:
2pm? Making pizza from scratch takes time.
Me:
Ok, c u
Austin B🕺:
Got it!
After closing my texts with him, I try to get my heart back to it's normal rhythm, because just like every other time I spoke to him, my heart jumped out of my chest. I can't stop the stupid smile from spreading on my face. "Good news?" Matt asks me, causing me to blink rapidly trying to focus my eyes. "Um yeah, no, sure, I mean-" I stumble over my words. "Got it miss, I was just messing with you" he says grinning.
Looking out the window, it's nice to see New York come alive as 6 am rolls around. The city never really sleeps, but there's definitely a drop in the activity level at night. I look at the people running around, bumping into each other, living their normal lives, some are going to work, some are on their way to run an errand, some are on their way to some school they go to.
I sight turning my head, the thought of school brings this tremendous guilt in me. I loved school, I loved learning, at one point I almost considered my parents idea, of going to college, but my career was just picking up and I couldn't miss those opportunities. Now I could probably do it, but I feel like if I do, I'd loose momentum, I have an album on the way, I'm in the process of auditioning for more things, I couldn't handle college on top of all this. I've been in this weird spiral of thought for almost a week now, I haven't talked to my parents in so long, my mom stopped calling as well and now I have a little golden statue staring at me, telling about all the things I did to deserve being ignored by them. My therapist and Timmy keep telling me nothing in this world should make my parents act like this, but my head begs to differ.
Matt opens my door, taking me by surprise and I wipe a single tear form my cheek, before he notices. "Thank you!" I say smiling at him.
We walk to the gate and I keep my head down, trying to avoid attention. After going through security, I sit around waiting for Matt to come back with something to eat, I feel very faint and like everything is spinning, I haven't eaten in a day or two, I can't remember. It's exhausting to try and stop thinking about all the things that keep me up at night, also working hard and running around on very little sleep, is just not sustainable. "Here you are miss, eat this." I make a disgusted face at the tomato sandwich he brought over. Usually that would be my favorite thing to eat, but right now I'm at this point of starvation where everything looks nauseating. "I know but you have to" I take the sandwich in my hands and take little bites out of it, slowly getting myself to enjoy it. "Good, eat it all, I got you a chocolate bar as well, your favorite, caramel filling" Matt shows me the chocolate bar and I take a couple more bite out of the sandwich. It does actually feel good to have something in my stomach.
March 18th
"My goodness you look amazing" Brianna and Jeremiah say at the same time. "Orange is your color kid" Levis says, giving me a good look over. Today is the day I have the shoot for Variety magazine with Austin. I chose a custom made orange dress by Teuta Matoshi, the butterflies on the shoulders match the ones on my hair clips and my orange makeup definitely makes my eyes pop out. "Thank you guys"
"Ok so first you'll be taking the pictures and then the interview, both you and Austin already have the questions, so be calm" Levis says as one of the Verity assistants comes over to show me the way on set. Walking over to where they sat a piano and a guitar, my eyes wondere around and then I see him. Tall, blonde, in a black leather jacket and as he turns around I see he's wearing an orange top, to match my dress. My heart skips a beat when his eyes land on me and a big smile gets plastered on his face. "Hi there gorgeous!" Austin says coming over.
My heart starts running laps in my chest. "A-Austin, hello" I try to move over the fact that he called me gorgeous and the fact that I just stammered, because of it. He lets out a chuckle, looking over at someone calling his name. This is not going to be good if I keep acting like this around him, going over to his house tomorrow will be just awkward. "Ok so we want you over at the piano and Austin you can sit on the floor, hold the guitar." We take our positions, sitting down at the piano, looking at the keys, I run my fingers over them. Playing its like second nature, so I just do it, without even thinking that's not what I'm supposed to. I'm playing "dandelions", not singing any of the lyrics, but still, knowing this song is about the boy sitting on the ground next to me, makes me feel butterflies in my stomach, like I wish for him to figure out this song is about him. Finding some sense in my head, I quickly stop playing mouthing a small apology. I don't dare to look at Austin, I just pose as they tell me too.
"Ok, now, we'd like Austin at the piano and you (Y/n) sitting on top of it." Getting up, I kindly take the help of one of the production assistants, stepping on the small stool and sitting on the piano. I cross my legs and for a second I break my promise not to look at Austin, when the slit on my long dress falls open, revealing my thigh and he lets out a growl. My eyes meet his blue ones, his pupils are blown wide and there's a slight pink tint to his cheeks. Austin looks like a deer caught in the headlights, wide eyed, frozen on the spot. "Breathe" he whispers, making me feel the burn in my lungs. Looking away, I try to breathe, hoping it's not that obvious to everyone in the room that he just took my breath away.
The photographers snap a few shots of us and then someone says it's time for a break after which we'll get to filming the interview. I'm stuck on the piano waiting for someone to help me get down. Austin comes into my vision field smirking. "Need some help?" I don't trust my voice to sound normal, so I simply nod. "Ok" he places both hands on either side of me, holding them up, not touching me. "Can I?" Austin asks and I offer another small nod, but he shakes his head smirking "I need you to say it, darling" there it is, that pet name again, I didn't even realize how much I've missed it in the time I tried to avoid Austin.
"Yes, please" I let out batting my lashes at him, gasping when I feel his flaming palms on my waist. I brace myself on his shoulders, as he lifts me up, placing me on the ground. Nothing too bad, except there's a moment there when he holds me up, just for a second longer and our faces are inches apart, Austin's breath brushing my cheek. "Thanks" I cringe at how breathless that sounded and I move past him.
"Is everything ok? You've been avoiding me." Austin asks, walking by my side. Fuck he has me figured out. "Yeah, no, I've been busy" fiddling with the skirt of my dress, I still avoid meeting his face. "Lies" Austin states and then using one long finger he lifts my chin up, forcing our eyes to meet again. "I missed talking to you" I gasp, looking around, nobody seems to be paying any mind to us. "Why do you keep avoiding me? Did I do something?" He looks genuinely concerned that he might have done something to make me ignore him. Something in the back of my brain screams at me that I should tell him the truth, that I have a huge crush on him and I'm stringing along another boy in the hopes of forgetting him.
"No, Austin, you didn't, I've just been having a hard time, 'm not in the best place right now." Not a lie, only not the truth I wanted to say. "What's wrong?" I sigh, taking a step back and shaking my head. I'm not willing to discuss this with him, now or maybe ever.  "Ok people let's go, everyone back to your spots, it's late already." Thanking god for this very welcomed interruption, I turn and move over to my chair.
The interview goes by fast, even though we talked for almost two hours. At one point I was looking into Austin's eyes and it felt like it was just the two of us, two close friends catching up. We got a tad carried away, asking questions that weren't scripted, but the director loved it, so it wasn't that big of a deal. Now I'm in hair and makeup getting everything taken off, fidgeting in my chair, ready to go sleep. A knock on the door, makes both me and the girl taking care of taking off my glam, look in it's direction. There, leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed over his chest, is Austin smiling. Walking to sit into the empty chair next to me. "So do you like pineapple on pizza or not?" He squints hie eyes at me, waiting for my answer, making me snort. "I like pineapple on pizza"
"Blasphemy" he says scrunching up his nose, making a disgusted face. "Oh come on!" I laugh at his clear disapproval. "It tastes good." I try to reason with him but he doesn't seem to have it, as he starts waving his hands around to make me stop talking. "What song were you playing earlier? I don't think I recognized it." His question takes me by surprise and I feel the heat rising into my cheeks, painting them a scarlet shade. Austin lifts his brows up at me, as I have not answered his question. What should I do?
I slide my fingers over my lips, mimicking the action of zipping them shut, which makes Austin, throw his head back laughing. "Fine don't tell me, but just so you know it sounds beautiful, does it have lyrics yet?" I simply shrug my shoulders smirking at him. "I'm done here!" The girl attending to my make up says and I thank her.
As I jump out of my chair, I almost fall down, stumbling over my own feet, but Austin is quick to catch me. "Careful there!" He warns, before taking his hands off of me and putting them into the pockets of his jeans. "Thanks." I mumble, taking my bag and walking out of the room, with him hot on my heels. "Ready to go miss?" Matt asks, getting up from his chair. "Yes, Matt, I'm ready" I glance at Austin and smile at him, offering a little wave, but he surprises me by bringing me in for a hug. I melt into his arms, feeling the warmth of his body against mine, inhaling his scent. I'm getting drunk on the feeling of being cocooned by him. "I'll see you tomorrow, don't be late." Austin whispers, causing shivers to run down my spine.
When we pull apart I try to sit up straight, fixing my bag on my shoulder and pushing some hair behind my ears. "I won't" is all I say, before turning on my hills and walking fast in the direction of the parking lot, jumping into the car as soon as I can. In the small enclosed space, away from him, my thoughts clear up and I decide I should text Joshua, tell him how today went, but I'll avoid any of my interaction with Austin. We haven't put a label on what me and Joshua are, but feels like for him we're already dating, maybe we are and I'm just slow.
Me:
Wyd? 2day was grate 4 me, the interview, came out amazing.
🎶Joshua🎶:
Glad 2 hear. I'm good, had a late morning and then went in the studio 4 a few hours.
Me:
Anything I can hear?
🎶Joshua🎶:
Not yet, it's mostly scraps.
Me:
I'm sure it's amazing.
🎶Joshua🎶:
Doing anything exciting while in LA?
Me:
Not really, no. I'll be back in a week, I have to go for an audition in person.
🎶Joshua🎶:
I miss you💟
Me:
Me 2 💟
I put my phone in my bag and lean forward. "Matt can I get my own car? I want to go around on my own a bit." I say, hoping he won't question me on it. "Sure miss, if you want you can have this one, no need to rent another one." I nod, sitting back in my seat, counting my fingers, something I do to calm myself down. When Matt parks the car, I don't wait for him to come around and open the door for me, walking out and straight into the elevator. "Here miss, for later." He hands me the car keys and I thank him.
The hotel room looks nice, but I miss home, I miss my cats. Throwing myself on the bed, I snuggle under the thick covers, falling asleep quickly. When I wake up a few hours later I'm confused by the dark room, but when I look at my phone it makes sense, it's 10pm. Groaning annoyed I throw my hands and feet around, trashing the bed. I know I won't be able to fall asleep anymore, so the next best thing that comes to mind is to go out. Grabbing my jacket and putting it on, I pull out the keys that were still in the pocket of it, spinning them on my finger.
All my excitement dies down when I get in the drivers seat and see the car is an automatic, I've never driven one before. "Ugh" I slam my head against the steering wheel, fighting back tears. "Ok I can do this." I try to keep my cool, quickly googling instructions on driving an automatic. Thank god for google, in an hour I manage to get an idea of what I'm supposed to do, so I turn the car on and slowly drive away.
LA definitely looks beautiful at night, but it's still too crowded for me and I know there's no place where I could go and not get photographed. I listen to my GPS and make a right turn at the next intersection, spotting the store I need. Grinning I park in a spot far away for the entrance. I promised Austin, I'd teach him how to crochet, so I'll keep my word.
Walking around I pick a few colors of yarn and a few crochet hooks, you really don't need much for this hobby. After paying for my things, I smile at the nice cashier and make my way back to my car. Deciding next I could drive to McDonald's and maybe get something to eat, it's almost midnight, but I could use a bite to eat. The drive through is empty, so I get my order pretty quick and as I'm eating in the car, it occurs to me that this is a great time to film one of my video journals for my therapist. Putting my phone on the dash I start recording myself.
"I feel empty?! I think" I sigh, eating some more of my chicken nuggets. "I've been feeling numb, maybe that's more correct. Like I have empathy inside, but I don't really care." And that's when it hits me, this could be a song, not just one of my video diaries I send to my therapist. "Oh my, this, wait a minute." Searching desperately in my bag, I fish out a pen, then putting the car in drive I go back to the window. "Hi, hello, can I please have some more tissues?" I ask smiling, the girl at the register clearly flustered. "Yes, oh my god, you're (Y/n), right? I'm such a big fan." It warms my heart to hear this, I love my fans and I love when they have the courage to talk to me. "Yes, would you like an autograph? I'm not really feeling that picture ready right now." The girl nods eagerly, handing me a tissue to sing. "Who should I make this to?" I ask "Amber" nodding I sign my name and add a cute message for her. "Thank you" she says, offering me a huge stack of tissues. "No, please, thank you."
Back in the parking lot I start scribbling away, words flowing through my pen. Hours later, I think I have something I'm happy with, so I put my phone back on the dash and start recording. "Hi Jack, yeah, so it's" I look at the time and widen my eyes, it's 4am, I've been here for four hours. "Anyway, 4am, god, well, I just got this idea, I named it, numb little bug" I clear my throat and start singing. "I don't feel a single thing, have the pills done too much, haven't caught up with my friends in weeks and now, we're out of touch."
Ok so the part with the pills is a lie, I don't actually have any prescribed medication, but it sounded good, so we'll just go with it.
"I've been driving in LA and the world just feels to big" I keep singing and when I'm done, pleased with my work, I fold all the tissues neatly and put them in my purse, driving to my hotel. Maybe I'll catch some sleep before I go meet up with Austin.
After a long shower, I get under the covers, but I don't feel sleepy, so I take my phone and make sure to text the recording to Jack, then I open instagram. The first thing I see are pictures of me making out with Joshua. This is getting out of hand. Sitting my phone down, I stare at the ceiling, praying for sleep to find me, which thankfully it eventually does. Next time I wake up is 10am and I call Jack on face time to talk to him about the new song I send.
"So I loved it, I think we can make it sound real pop, you know, and dancy" I nod and pick up my ukulele, playin softly. "Like this?" I ask, as I keep playing and he goes over to the keyboard, playing a mixture of high and low notes. "I love it" I say and start singing along to the music. We keep at it for the next two hours and then I have to get up and get ready for my day with Austin.
A pair of mom jeans and a tank top with a cardigan will have to do it for now, it's not like it's a date or anything. For my hair I decide to braid it and add some cute hair clips to it. Then I'm out the door, already worried I'll be late.
As I dive humming along to the radio, I look in my rearview mirror and notice a car driving very close behind me, then I notice the guy on the right seat, holding up a camera. My anxiety picks up and I ask Siri to call Austin on speaker. "Hey there!" His sweet voice comes through the phone. "Austin I'm being followed, I'm, I-" I'm panicking is what I'm doing. "Ok are you alone? Where's your security?" Austin tries to keep calm, but I can hear, the change in his voice. "Yes, im alone, I'm in the car." I hear him sigh and then there's just silence. "Austin?" I ask hoping he didn't just end the call.
"I'm here, stay calm, tell me where you are" I breathe through my nose, holding back hot tears, trying to focus my eyes on the road. "I'm on main with 34th street." I sob, tightening my hands around the wheel and looking back to see the car still close behind me. Paparazzi can sometimes be too intrusive, dangerous even. "Ok there should be a sign in a couple of yards, pointing to the highway."
"The highway? Austin I've never driven on the highway and I'm driving an automatic, which I drove for the first time just a few hours ago." My voice picks up in volume and I hear a weird ringing in my ears. I'm having a full on panic attack. "Shhh you'll be fine, come on, do you see the sign?" I try to focus, looking for the sign and spotting it, right in front. I take a sharp left and then in just a few minutes I find myself on the highway. "I'm on the highway, now what?"
"Are they still after you?" Austin asks. "Yes" I say after checking. "Ok, take the exit on 56th boulevard and then the first right." I push the gas, gaining some distance between me and the car, then follow Austin's instructions. "Ok, done." I look back and I can't see them anymore. "I think I lost them" Austin let's out a breath and so do I. "Ok I'll stay with you, you're not far from my place now." Swallowing hard I set my GPS back up and follow it, with Austin still on the phone. "I think I see you're gate." I say
"Ok I'm opening it now." I look one more time again making sure I'm still free of those guys from earlier, then drive through the gate. After I stop the car, I just sit there, still. I can't move, too high on adrenaline. When my door opens, I let out a scream and put my hands up to protect myself. "Hey, hey, it's ok, (y/n) it's me, Austin" he takes me in his arms and pulls me out of the car, holding me close to his chest. "You're safe" he says, petting my back slowly. I burry my face in his chest, taking in his musky scent. "I was so scared." I say, letting my tears fall, soaking into his black shirt that he has on.
"I know, my darling, I know, come on." Austin bends down and placing both hands behind my thighs, he lifts me up. I hang onto him like a monkey, with my arms around his neck and my legs locked behind him. Being a gentleman he supports me up, by my back. I love how good this feels I don't even dare to let my brain process that this is wrong. "Wait. Take the bag, from the car." Austin walks around, opening the passenger seat door and taking my bag as well as the bag holding the crochet supplies. He carries me around like I weight, nothing, walking through his open front door and closing it behind himself.
Austin sits down on the couch with me, tightly wrapped around him, so now I'm straddling his lap, with my head in the crook of his neck. His big palms caress up and down my back, soothing me. I don't want this to ever stop. "I'm sorry you had to go through that." Austin says, speaking low, as if he's afraid he'll scare me, if his voice got too loud. I pull away a bit, to be able to look at him and he takes my face in his hands, wiping my cheeks, with the pads of his thumbs. His blue eyes so deep, I could get lost in them forever. One of his hands, moves some loose pieces of my hair away and then as his eyes fall on my neck, anger flashes on his face. I furrow my brows confused. "He's here with you, in LA?" I search his face, for a clue about what the hell he means.
Austin blows air through his nostrils and then snaps his eyes away from my neck and back into my eyes, holding eye contact. "What?" "Is Joshua here with you?" Austin asks only adding fuel to my growing confusion. Touching my neck on the spot where Austin's eyes were fixed, I remember the purple bruise Joshua left there. Is he angry at that? And if he is, why is that? "N-no" my voice in barely a whisper and I try not to cry again.
Hearing my answer, Austin's eyes soften again, then one of his hands comes to sit on top of mine on my neck. I feel dizzy, the breath getting caught in my lungs. I look at him flushed, shallow breaths falling from my lips and onto his. When my lips brush over his, I realize we've been slowly getting closer and closer. "What are you doing?" I ask, out of breath, forcing myself to listen to that small part of my brain, that screams at me this is wrong. "Tell me to stop, please!" Austin begs me, his plush, soft lips, slowly touching mine as he speaks. I wish to make myself able to say 'stop' , but I can't. I want this too much, it feels so safe, familiar and warm. Like every worry in the world has just vanished. For a second I wonder if this is just a highly realistic dream again.
"(Y/n)" Austin says out of breath, like his making an effort to keep calm. My name sounds like burning embers, coming out of his mouth and I tremble. "Austin" I say, like I craved saying it for so long. "Can I kiss you?" Austin asks and every fiber of me saying I should stop right now and leave, loses to the stronger part of me, that has been wondering how his lips would feel against mine. "Please !" I plead and then he brings my face closer, finally smashing his lips against mine. It's hungry, hurried, raw, but also tender and sweet. Our lips move in perfect sink, nothing has ever felt so wrong but so good. Butterflies flap their wings around in my belly, my head flying on another planet. Starting to feel more and more comfortable, I lace my fingers in his hair, pulling at the roots, making Austin groan in my mouth. His tongue, brushes against my lower lip and I open my mouth for him, letting him take full control.
Austin's hands move over to my waist, holding me flush against his chest. He tastes so good, like mint and burnt sugar. I could stay like this an eternity, in his lap, with his tongue exploring my mouth. Our hearts beat in sink, our moves fluid. When we break apart, we stay with our foreheads glued together, breathing heavy. "I should know better, but I don't, please don't hate me!" Austin says, squeezing my waist. "I should know better as well, but I don't" I say, but Austin shakes his head, pulling me back so he can look me in the eyes. "You're 19, I'm 29, I should be the one knowing better" What he just said, leaves me stuck, he's so right, but I don't know if the fact that he knows, this thing between us shouldn't be happening, changes anything. "I wanted to do that for a while now." I say, making him smile brightly. "You did?" He asks with a strange glimmer in his eyes.
Biting my lip, I nod, scratching his scalp, causing him to close his eyes and throw his head back. I stare at his Adam's apple and leaning forward I kiss it, feeling the vibration of his growl against my lips. I pepper kisses up his neck, then his chin, then the corner of his mouth and finally his lips. We both sigh into the kiss. One of his hands comes up to hold the back of my head. "I wished upon a dandelion for you" I say against his lips and he pulls back to look at me. "Really? Well seems like that wish came true."
"Do you want to hear the song?" I ask smiling down at him. Austin nods and I get off of his lap. "May I?" I ask pointing to the white piano in his living room. "Yes, please!" Austin responds. Sitting down at the piano, I look back at him on the couch and pat the spot next to me. He jumps over the back of the couch and comes to sit next to me, kissing the top of my head. "Ok, this is 'Dandelions'" I start playing, looking at him connect the dots in his brain, a huge smile stretching on his lips as he figures out it's the song from yesterday. "Maybe it's the way you say my name, maybe it's the way you play your game, but it's so good, I've never known anybody like you. But it's so good I've never dreamed of nobody like you and I've heard of a love that comes once in a lifetime and I'm pretty sure that you are that love of mine. I'm in the field of dandelions wishing on everyone that you would be mine."
I sing with all my heart and I feel Austin watch me close. Finishing the song, Austin quickly grabs my face and kisses me. It's open mouthed and warm, my emotions furling inside me, my heart running laps in my chest. "I loved it, it's beautiful. Did you really write it for me?" Austin asks surprised. "Yes, I did. Austin I like you, I do"
"I like you too." He says happily, brushing his nose against mine. "Are you sure this is what you want?" Austin asks, looking at me, brushing some strands of loose hair out of my face. "Yes, but we need to move slow. I still have my reservations about this." I say. "Of course, you set the pace, I promise." I smile at Austin and hug him. "Do you still want to make pizza?" Austin asks. I giggle excited and get up, rolling up the sleeves of my cardigan. "Hell yeah" I say. Austin laughs, getting up from the piano bench and showing me the way to his kitchen.
"Here little chef" he says, putting an apron over my head, helping me tie it at the back. Being short, I have to fold it a bit on itself at the waist but it's fine. "I bought the set specially for today, I don't usually care for my clothes getting dirty." Austin says as he turns around and I tie his apron, like he did for me. "I should've asked if they come in sizes, sorry"
"Eh it's fine, the more of my clothes it covers, the better, I'm a messy cook" I say grinning.
Austin claps his hands. "Ready to learn how to make pizza?" He asks rubbing his palms together. "Yes sir, teach away" he bites his bottom lip, shaking his head. "You're gonna be the death of me, my darling"
"Say it again" I request, before I can stop the words coming out of my mouth. Austin bends down, bringing his mouth to my ear, making the hair on my arms stand up. "My darling" he says, in a low voice. "Now let's make some pizza, my sweet darling" he grins at me standing up straight and I roll my eyes at him, pushing against his chest playfully.
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celiaelise · 10 months
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Just read chapter 169 of Shadows House, and I am so excited but so concerned for the new kiddos!!!!
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Stella and Candy really intrigue me, because they have a lot of parallels to Kate and Emi! The fact that the first shot of them is Stella's shoes and socks, which look remarkably similar to Kate's? And that Stella named her something dissimilar to her own name, the red and the bows, and she's eating bread that she "shares" with Candy. (the physics of that accident seem debatable lol, but I will try and ignore that.) And that Candy's face is fully unveiled??? Hinting at her individuality/humanity? Much to ponder... Though, obviously Stella doesn't share Kate's temperment. She kinda seems like...the "Kate" Edward wishes he got at her debut.
There are a lot of pretty obvious parallels between these five pairs and Kate's cohort, as well, in both their personalities and color schemes. However, none seem to have as weak a connection as Shirley and Rum did. Even though we didn't see Laurel speak, (though the last speech bubble in their wide shot was a little ambiguous to me, so maybe we did?) Lulu spoke to her several times, and they're clearly used to making physical contact. The most ambiguous is Danny and Dan, but I wouldn't think Danny would be that powerful if Dan had been withdrawn like Rum?
I think it's very sweet how Mattie seems to be on top of things for Matilda! Very adorable that she brought a picnic basket; queen of being prepared. They seem to be the John/Shaun pair of this cohort.
Okay, so I went back to the chapters about Margaret's, um, episode, and, in addition to, of course, Stella and Candy, Matilda and Maddie seem to be among those who Patrick evacuates. And likely also Laurel and Lulu?? See below:
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I wonder if the soot reached into their rooms, or if they were already breaking the rules? ALSO:
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This seems like it could be Oscar and Oskar?? (very confusing name choice btw) and this panel follows Patrick observing that all the children with powers, specifically, have been captured. (Though it doesn't seem like he was entirely correct about that) So that might give us some information about Oscar? And explain how Matilda already knows him. Doesn't explain why he headed out for a 11:15am appointment at four in the morning, though! Absolutely unhinged behavior. Please get some sleep, gentlemen.
So, if I'm correct, out of these five pairs, we have: at least four of them have been out of their rooms prior to the debut, likely interacting with other children both within and outside their cohort. All of them seem to have formed strong shadow/face bonds. (to the point where one pair showed up holding hands and one shared "nice" bread in front of everyone) One of the faces is an independent enough thinker to have packed provisions without her shadow's oversight. Matilda, at least, knows they'll be spending time in the garden during the debut. And the current star bearers expressed the intention to coach all of them before their debut. I can't help but feel that Edward is in for another miserable debut day.
Also, is the implication of the first few panels that Kate has copies of the paperwork on the debutantes?? If so, love that for her. I'm a big fan of this new "spymaster" direction her arc is taking.
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With the recent episode having been released many shippers are saying this was the proof that Nuts and Dolts was canonized. Via through Ruby’s actions towards Penny’s sword and her speech about her. What are your thoughts on it?
Personally I never saw their relationship as romantic. Their interactions to me have always been things that friends just do. Now if they acted like Blake and Yang I would be more convinced but I just don’t see the romance shippers claim is there with them.
But then again I am aroace so romance is lost on me sometimes, maybe I just don’t understand that aspect but I always valued their friendship more.
Hello there anon-chan.
Speaking for myself here--- while I’ve been fond of the close dynamic between Ruby and Penny in the past, I too share in your opinions of never once perceiving their relationship to be anything more than simply platonic.
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Similar to Whiterose, I’ve never one gotten romantic vibes from neither Penny nor Ruby. That’s just never been the nature of their relationship as portrayed in the show.
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Penny and Ruby are friends. Heck, I’ll even go as far as to say that Penny was more of a best friend to Ruby than Weiss who was supposed to fit that role.
There is no doubt that Ruby cared deeply about Penny. Ruby was literally the first friend that Penny ever made. Even Penny’s theme that was featured for the first time at the end of V8 was titled “Friend” and was clearly about her friendship with Ruby.
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Ruby and Penny are friends and always will be.
Ruby’s expression of her from today’s episode doesn’t change that; at least in my opinion. Penny was someone important to Ruby. Not as a lover or even a crush. Just a very dear friend she clearly loved and has now lost.
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And the reason why Penny’s death is deeply affecting Ruby right now in the story is because, for the second time, Penny has been killed while Ruby was far away completely powerless to prevent it from happening.
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We already saw how much Penny’s death deeply impacted Ruby the first time based off of what she told Oscar back in V5 and how the imagery of Penny’s murder at the Vytal Festival acted as a mental block to Ruby using her silver eyes on the Leviathan back in V6.
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Now it’s happened all over again and unlike the last time, Penny is gone for good this time.
Ruby failed to protect her friend AGAIN! So it’s no surprise that it would eat at her both emotionally and psychologically.
But like with everything else that has happened, Ruby will attempt to bottle her emotions up for the sake of not giving into her unhappiness. Her negative emotions.
What Ruby is feeling right now for Penny is grief. The pain of losing someone who meant something to you.
Yes, Ruby cared a lot for Penny. I’ll go as far as to say that Ruby may have even loved Penny. But that doesn’t signify that Ruby was ever in love with Penny and vice versa. There’s a difference.
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Basically what I’m saying in a nutshell is not all forms of love and incredibly deep connections are romantic only. Platonic love exists and that’s what I believe we’re seeing with Nuts and Dolts. Penny was one of Ruby’s most dearest friends so it makes sense for her death to hit her. Doesn’t mean there’s any romantic intentions behind it.
Anyone who thinks otherwise…well, that’s their opinion. And this is mine.
As someone who has become completely exasperated by the nonsensical nature of the shipping wars that go down in the RWBY community, I am sincerely not interested in digging up any dead horses and having debates/arguments with any shippers about the probability of their ship being canon or not. Despite being a romantic and have a gigantic shipping heart myself, I’m just so tired of shipping drama when it comes to RWBY. It’s not fun. It’s just so tiresome to listen to which is why I’ve disconnected myself from it entirely.
That being said, if the Nuts and Dolt shippers wish to claim today’s episode as a so-called “win” for their favourite pairing as they  attempt to cling to any tiny remnants of it, then let them have their fun, I guess.
Bottomline, I don’t see Ruby’s speech about Penny confirming anything. Once more, I think the shippers are merely overexaggerating things to help rationalize their push behind their favourite ship while completely ignoring the actual context of the scene in the show.
To me, Nuts and Dolts is, was and always will be just a really good FRIEND-ship that ended in tragedy.  
Nothing was confirmed (except Penny being the catalyst to Ruby’s eventual emotional breakdown to come later in the season).
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Ruby and Penny’s “romance” isn’t canonized at all because their romance never existed to begin with.
Today’s episode does not change that. Ruby’s speech about Penny from today was not a proclamation of romantic love.
Just a girl clearly in pain sharing nothing but sincere words of admiration for her deceased friend while trying to keep things together and not crumble under the weight of how sad and angry she is about that.
It was like listening to Ruby give a eulogy for Penny at the funeral she never got to have rather than a love confession. What about that is romantic?
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At least that's how this squiggle meister sees it.
In order to change my stance on this, I would actually need to hear Ruby Rose say in the show that she loved Penny Polendina as more than just a friend and not like family either.
And that’s NOT what happened in today’s episode.
Those are my thoughts on that. Hope I answered your question anon-chan.
~LMS (2023)
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mediawhorefics · 1 year
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Do you have any hot tales about tsn?
tsn hot takes ??? gosh, idk if they're hot takes but i have opinions?
i'm sorry to rpf on main but 'andrew garfield was in love with jesse eisenberg' is a hilll i'm going to die on.
similarly, andrew garfield played eduado as in love with mark and watching the movie through that lens enriches the whole experience. fight me.
tsn deserved to win best picture in 2011. out of all the nominees that year, it's the one that has only gained relevance as time passes and had something to say about our culture, both back then and right now. i think it's almost more relevant now than back then. its social commentary on the way we live our lives on the internet is pretty spot on. i mean 'the internet is written in ink'. give me one line better from another movie that year. we lived on farms then we lived in cities and now we're gonna live on the internet?? damn.
this isnt an opinion, more like an observation? back in 2010, people complained about the harsh depiction of zuck but he's worked so hard to prove the movie not only right but also now it almost reads as mild compared to who that guy actually is. it's fascinating in terms of tsn's cultural legacy. where's that one quote from that article about tsn turning 10 yo? the movie couldn't predict what facebook would turn into (in terms of misinformation and manipulation of information) but it understood that the desire to tear down the establishment is not the same as the wish to build something better in its place? anyways, that.
it has one of the greatest soundtracks ever. i don't think any movie has topped it since. that opening sequence with hand covers bruise? holy shit.
i always wonder if it does enough to condemn the elitist misogynistic culture of those rich harvard guys/those rich tech guys. like... i always joke that it's one of my 'ooops the filmmakers forgot women were people' favourite films (i have a few of those) but at the same time, it feels very pointed and purposeful in its depiction. and we know that fincher has a history of exploring toxic masculinity as a theme without explicitly condemning it and trusting his audience to get the message. which, honey, men are not smart. i mean, we get the iconic erica moment telling us from the start 'it'll be because you're an asshole' and then the movie proceeds to prove that to us. but is that enough? is the movie sexist or is the character? or both? i don't know i kinda go back and forth on this. again not a take, just thoughts.
i read this one letterboxd review like a year ago that said something along the line of: best movie of all time they have him tell us ' i don't want friends' in the first eight minutes and it blew my fucking mind. they literally tell us in the first eight minutes, aaron sorkin i just want to talk.
i love him and would kill for him, but eduardo telling mark 'i was your only friend you had one friend' was not only untrue but kinda manipulative. not that mark didn't deserve it.
high key this is one of the most quotable movies of all time. did you know i sent forty-seven texts???
there are whole worlds of unsaid things in the 'you have no idea what that's going to mean to my father' 'sure i do' i am OBSESSED with their relationship.
eduardo's bitchy 'is he?' when sean says he's wired in before the laptop smash is just as, if not more, iconic than the rest of the speech.
andrew was robbed of both a nomination and an oscar for this performance. i stand by it.
2011 golden globes jesse eisenberg dragging andrew gafield out of his chair top awards moment of all time. you had to be there.
people will bitch about tsn rpf and people writing fic about mark zuckerberg but where would we (tumblr) be as a society without jesse and andrew's 'you didn't know me at 13' 'i really wish i had'. where would your pining web-weaving fandom posts be without mr garfield's embarrassingly public crush on his facebook movie co star? check and mate.
genuinely think it would have solved a lot of their problems if mark and eduardo had fucked. or it would have created other different problems. either way, a win.
we all know it should have ended with mark sending eduardo a friend request. literally the only flaw in this film.
i honestly think the tsn press tour is on like... lotr bts footage level in terms of ~as enjoyable if not more than the original film. and i don't say this lightly. it's one of the highest praise i've got.
i'm a basic bitch but every single scene of mark defending eduardo post-betrayal is like.... [SCREAM]
it IS the greatest divorce movie of our time. marriage story fucking wishes mate.
tsn is 100% a girl movie. like red flag for men green flag for women (& gnc people) kind of stuff.
it's on par with all of shakespeare's best tragedies. for me.
lmao when i read this ask i thought damn i won't have much to say and now i have to stop myself because my food is ready and i'm starting. anyways this is barely scratching the surface. i might come back for a part two?
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your-mums-nuts · 1 year
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Here's a fun request based off some old discussions I had with friends about Emerald City + Rosegarden. How about Emerald just being the akward third wheel to Rosegarden? So Ruby and Oscar could be having a moment but Emerald interupts it by opening a soda can.
(Thanks for the asks! Please send more! I threw in some emercury implied because ofc I did. This is also included in the emerald and Oscar farm shenanigans from the other ask you sent:) can you tell I had fun writing this? I hope you like it!)
“Pause the game”.
“Excuse me!?”.
“Emerald, pause the game, Ruby’s on the phone”.
She did pause the game, made a big show of it just to announce how pissed off she was that she even had to do it.
She muttered something about bros before hoes and Oscar didn’t even have time to blush before Ruby was chattering away at him.
“Oscar! It’s been so long, how are things with you guys? How’s your aunt? How’s Emerald? Shit! How are you?”.
He chuckled at the speed of her speech and waited a few seconds for his brain to catch up.
“Emerald is going great Ruby! She just loves listening to you two stammer your way through a conversation”. Oscar flipped her off and heard Ruby mutter something on the other end of the line, “what was that?”, he asked, still giving Emerald the finger.
“Yang wanted me to say that she’s happy someone else understands her pain”.
“Geez, we’re not that bad are we?”.
Ruby snickered into the receiver and the endearing crackling of it made his heart skip a beat or two.
“According to our older sisters, we sure are!”.
“What’re we gonna do!?”, he mocked, making a face at Emerald.
“Kill yourself”, Emerald muttered at the exact same time Ruby exclaimed, “get new sisters!”.
“Sounds like a plan!”.
“I am not going to just sit here and listen to the two of you slander my good name!”, Emerald threw her hands up in exasperation.
“Then leave”, both he and Ruby said in unison, earning him a sweet laugh from Ruby and a groan from Emerald.
“You and Mercury are just as bad, at least Ruby’s not living with me! In the house my most generous friend Oscar invited me and only me to!”.
“We don’t come separately! You knew this!”.
“Looks like you bought one and got one free”, Ruby chirped from the phone that he had forgotten he was holding, he grinned guiltily, even though she couldn’t exactly see him, and scolded himself for letting Emerald distract him from his goal. Which was to talk to Ruby.
“Hey Em, you wanna go elsewhere?”, he asked sweetly.
“Else-where?”.
“As in, somewhere else! That isn’t here!”.
“Fine, you’ve just made this room lame anyway”.
He waited until he heard her footsteps enter the hallway before returning to the matter at hand.
“Sorry about that”, he grimaced.
“Don’t apologise, not our fault our sisters don’t have lives and exist only to annoy us”.
“Yeah, but I’ve dedicated my life to getting her back for being annoying so it’s really such a vicious cycle”.
“Same, yesterday Blake was over and they were being so disgusting right in front of my salad, so I sprayed her with water”.
Oscar barked a laugh at the unexpected action.
“No it’s not even funny, I shouldn’t even be telling you”.
“Tell me!”. He demanded instantly.
“Only ‘cause your cute”.
“You can’t even see me”.
“I just have a feeling, am I wrong?”.
He huffed and tried to physically stop smiling (he couldn’t).
“Well, Mercury said I looked like a Boy Scout this morning, so I’m unsure”.
“You do, but in a cute way”.
“I hate that guy”, Oscar grumbled.
“That’s just ‘cause he’s dating your sister”.
“They’re not dating and she’s not my sister”.
He could hear her scoff through the phone, “be for real, she lives with you and calls you lil bro”.
“She actually calls me shithead, I’m only little bro in front of her beloved aunt may”.
Ruby laughed a little too hard at that, it made the phone crackle like a campfire which in turn made Oscar think of all the campfires they used to build in the war, which made him sigh with nostalgia.
“What’s wrong?”.
“Just thinking about how I miss when we were still at war, like a total dick”.
She sighed too, it was exactly like his.
“No, I know what you mean. I miss the camping and the whole… togetherness of it all”.
A moment of silence and then…
“I- I miss you”.
He sighed like it was the one thing he didn’t know he had been waiting to hear. “Yeah”, he let the words fall out of him, filter-less, “I miss you too, a lot”.
A companionable silence stretched the moment out, not unlike their many comfortable quietly moments they’d had during the war. The moments of peace, the calm before the storm.
“What? Dad cmon! Dad, it’s Oscar”, he could hear bits and pieces of some conversation taking place between Ruby and her father and subconsciously straightened his posture.
“Oscar, I’m really sorry, dad needs the phone for work. Can I call you later tonight or-“.
He heard Ruby’s dad say something like ‘not at night!’.
“-or Tomorrow morning?”.
“Tomorrow morning sounds great!”, like hell he was gonna complain about he dads rules in front of her dad.
“Okay- I’m really sorry I have to go! Bye Osca-“, she cut off, the familiar click of being hung up on rung through the silent room.
Oscar sighed, then rearranged his face so to look not totally let down. “Em!”, he called out, “we can unpause the game now!”.
“Awww Oscar”.
He jumped completely into the air, nearly screaming at how silently she’d came into the room. Picking up on his confusion, Emerald shrugged guiltily.
“I’ve been here the whole time”, and then, more seriously, “please don’t be mad at me”.
“I’m not”, he sighed. Because he really should’ve expected nothing less, it was just the dissatisfactory way he’d ended his conversation with Ruby.
“What’s wrong dude?”.
“I don’t know, nothing”.
“Okay, want me to reset the game while you mope?”. He nodded and slumped onto the couch and threw his scroll to the other side of it. Emerald pressed a few buttons and slumped right beside him.
“You wanna know something?”.
“No”.
“I’m gonna tell you anyway even though Yangs gonna fucking kill me. So like, avenge me”.
“Fine”.
“Ruby is constantly begging to use the phone. She’s even trying to get their dad to order her some fancy one from god knows where that has great storage, you know, for those long distance calls”.
He shot up from his sulking position, making hard eye contact with Emerald, “where did you hear this?”.
“Yang, duh”.
“Since when do you and Yang talk? I thought she hated you”.
“She hates Mercury, which is his business. Can you blame her for falling for my charms? Also we both have gross siblings who have gross crushes on each-other, so there’s that”.
“Be honest, why were you talking?”.
Emerald let out a long, suffering sigh, “she threatened to beat you up if you hurt Ruby, I threatened to beat Ruby and her and their little dog up if they hurt you”.
He gasped, “not Zwei!”.
Emerald stuck her fist in the air, “yes Zwei! That’s how much I love you, I’ll destroy a poor doggy”.
“I love you too”, he moved closer to her, grabbing his console and refusing to show her his own stupid grin.
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tumblingxelian · 2 years
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https://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0657.html
This speech by Xykon about the nature of power to Varsuuvius really does feel like it applies to Ironwood to a T, albeit if Salem was saying a variation of it to him, it'd probably be more faux-compassionate and evil mother-like.
And it's true. Ironwood doesn't truly understand power outside of a very narrow scope of the Atlesian Military or technology, or using brute force to make others obey him.
Ironwood's army is finite and limited by the number of people willing to fight for his cause, his resources available to make his machines of war, and his own ability to properly command. Salem's army is nigh-infinite, and they do not need sleep, rest or need to worry about casualties.
Whatever technology Ironwood has can be undermined by finding their weaknesses, something Salem did by having Watts, and only further undermined by Ironwood's lack of care for Mantle, giving them an easy opening.
But it's not even just from that perspective. It's also a matter of Ironwood having very little power himself.
He knows little to nothing about war outside of skirmishes in an otherwise peaceful era, while Salem has been doing nothing but fighting a war for centuries.
He only has fear/respect from a cult of personality ready made from his society's indoctrination and blind obedience to the powerful, from a society that put him in power as a result of its warped ideals, and can just as easily take that power away from him if it wanted to. He cares nothing for understanding his enemies (he still never sent those scouts like Ozpin pointed out to him in V2), presuming to rule through brute force and treating everyone who isn't him as a replaceable cog, which only ensures that any differences are guaranteed to eventually come into conflict with him.
Salem has fear and respect because of her talent for manipulation and understanding of the underlying roots of her follower's desires, thus allowing her to maintain her hold on them under the illusion of choice even as she pulls their strings. While they are interchangeable and replaceable, she has the benefit of being able to outlast them and simply alter her plans to deal with it, and the skill to manipulate them well enough to get them under control if she deems it necessary. And she makes the serious effort to truly understand her enemies, allowing her to make them destroy themselves with their own flaws without ever needing to put a finger on them.
The simple reality is evident: Ironwood was a damn fool to think he could ever match her power to power, because not only was his understanding of power as shallow as the facade of Atlas being powerful and great, but he was outmatched in every aspect. Salem beat him not just in terms of raw power, but also in terms of her ability to use the variety of powers at her disposal effectively, while Ironwood kept on trying to make all of his power and resources funneled into essentially a club to beat down his weaker critics.
Without her power, Salem would be a gifted manipulator and mediator. Without his power, without Atlas, Ironwood would be nothing.
I honestly cant add anything more here, this is brilliantly put, kudos!
Though speaking of OOTS, I am also reminded of Xykon's other secret insights regarding power:
"Its not about how far you're willing to debase yourself before feeling bad. And me, I ripped off my own living flesh before I would admit to weakness. That, that right there is the difference between Evil with a capital E and your whiny evil but for a good cause crap. One gets to be butch, one gets to be bitch. Bitch."
Though that doesn't seem to be a thing Ironwood had an issue with, which does scan well with Oscar's "Then you're as dangerous as she is James" line.
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chris-grimaldi · 1 year
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Chris’ Oscar Acceptance Speech 
Wow. Somehow, I had managed to convince myself that I wasn’t going to win.  If you had told me three years ago that I would be standing here accepting this award, I’m not sure that I would have believed you. Because three years ago, I was in the hospital with a broken back. My doctors weren’t sure that I would walk again, let alone be able to work again. I haven’t talked about it before, but now feels like the right time. The recovery process was grueling, and there were days that it truly didn’t seem possible that I would be able to work. Fractured was not only my first role after my injury, but it was one that gave me so much healing. Working through Mark’s injuries, his accident, and his choices was something that helped me not only give this performance, but truly find myself at peace with my own. And that gift is honestly one that I hold near and dear to my heart, and one that is more important to me than this award. And I truly hope that this performance helps others who have suffered from catastrophic injuries that you are not alone, and whatever your recovery journey, never forget the hard work that you’ve done to recover. That makes you more of a superhero than anything that I did as Batman. 
I’d like to thank Anya and Sonoya for giving as much as you did in your performances, because I wouldn’t have been as good without the two of you. To Genevieve my amazing director - truly, it was impossible to tell that this was the first movie that you had ever done. And to Allison, your screenplay was beautiful and I knew from the moment that I read it that this project was something that was super special. I’d like to thank Cisco, because I couldn’t have done it without you my brother, and one day you’ll be up here getting your own award, because I am publicly advocating for the Academy to start recognizing the amazing stunt workers and teams who do so much for all of us in keeping us safe. I would like to thank my family, I couldn’t have gotten here without your support. I would also like to thank my amazing wife Juni for supporting me in coming back into my dream, and our amazing son, who I want to know that all of his dreams that he will have are possible. You’re my future, and I know that I’m going to be so proud of you. Thank you all. 
#sp
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