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traeumenvonbuechern · 3 months

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Which books would the Hallowoods characters read?

Happy HFTH season 4 day! I'm so excited for the new episodes, and I want to celebrate by recommending some books I think some of the main characters would love.

Diggory Graves - Unwieldy Creatures

I have a feeling that Diggory might be interested in a nonbinary Frankenstein retelling...

Percy Reed - The Spirit Bares Its Teeth

A transmasc protagonist, ghosts, a t4t love story - Percy would relate to this book so much.

Nikignik - This Is How You Lose the Time War

Even aside from the whole Bigolas Dickolas thing, I think Nikignik would really love this book. It's an epic, complicated, super emotional love story, written in a way that almost feels like poetry - I have a feeling that Nikignik would like that.

Lady Ethel Mallory - Lady Susan

It's short, it's funny, it's a classic, it's from the perspective of the villain and said villain uses the title "lady"? Lady Ethel would love this book.

Riot Maidstone - Gideon the Ninth

It's about a butch lesbian with a sword. That alone would probably convince Riot to read it, but I think she would love the story, too.

Olivier Song - Infinity Alchemist

This book is about an alchemist who is rejected by the magic school he tried so hard to get into, and one of the love interests is genderfluid - Olivier might relate to it a little too much.

Clara Martin - The Grimoire of Grave Fates

It's a murder mystery set at a magic school that moves around the world, and it's told from 18 (!) different perspectives. I think Clara would love reading about all these different types of magic and trying to solve the mystery.

Polly - Good Omens

Polly reminds me so much of Crowley sometimes - to quote this post, they're both "demons sent on a celestial audit of earth and catching more feelings than they signed up for" - so Polly would probably either love or hate Good Omens, no in-between.

Yaretzi - The Salt Grows Heavy

I can't really explain why I think Yaretzi would like this book, but she would. Something about the main character being a murderous mermaid, probably.

Mort - All Systems Red

Mort would definitely want to be friends with Murderbot.

Hector Mendoza and Jonah Duckworth - Silver in the Wood

This is my go-to "Read this if you like Our Flag Means Death" book because the main characters remind me a lot of Stede and Ed, but the book also reminds me so much of Hector and Jonah, especially with the magical sentient forest setting.

Zelda Duckworth - The Remarkable Retirement of Edna Fisher

This book is about a 83-year-old Chosen One who has to save the world armed with nothing but gumption and knitting needles - I think Zelda would enjoy that.

Mx. Morrell - What Moves the Dead

I think a fungal horror book with a nonbinary protagonist would be perfect for Mx. Morrell.

Danielle O'Hara - Pet

Pet is about a trans girl who has to reconsider everything she's been taught and save her friend with the help of a terrifying creature - everyone should read this book, but I think Danielle would especially like it.

Book titles:

Diggory Graves: Unwieldy Creatures by Addie Tsai

Percy Reed: The Spirit Bares Its Teeth by Andrew Joseph White

Nikignik: This Is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone

Lady Ethel Mallory: Lady Susan by Jane Austen

Riot Maidstone: Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir

Olivier Song: Infinity Alchemist by Kacen Callender

Clara Martin: The Grimoire of Grave Fates, edited by Hanna Alkaf and Margaret Owen

Polly: Good Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman

Yaretzi: The Salt Grows Heavy by Cassandra Khaw

Mort: All Systems Red by Martha Wells

Hector Mendoza and Jonah Duckworth: Silver in the Wood by Emily Tesh

Zelda Duckworth: The Remarkable Retirement of Edna Fisher by E.M. Anderson

Mx. Morrell: What Moves the Dead by T. Kingfisher

Danielle O'Hara: Pet by Akwaeke Emezi

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r-ando-m-w-rite-r · 1 year

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Secrets Not So Kept

basic idea: you and rev have been secretly dating for a month or two and the others are starting to catch on

enjoy

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-the others were starting to get suspicious

-you could tell the little secret that you and rev were sharing was starting to become more public, and it seemed that he was fine with that

-you, however, weren’t so sure

-you loved him, but the idea of ajay, octavio, and all your other friends knowing that you dated a murderbot made you shudder

-whether it was the little things he did for you in game (aka going outside of the ring to save you when you got downed) or the fact that he literally went to paradise lounge with you the other night, it was becoming obvious, and elliott had been the first to point it out not only a day before

-you had been looting the deathbox of someone on a recently slaughtered team when he had approached you

-“so...heyyy, question” he had said while fumbling with his wingman, drawing your attention

-he was unpredictable, so you had no idea what was about to come out of his mouth “what?”

-”wellll, not-i mean, well, not to offend you, dont get me wrong, but” he said nervously, eyes darting left to right

-you raised an eyebrow as he continued “you and, well, you know-revenant” he spat the simulacrum’s name like it was the most disgusting word ever “seem to be up to something”

-you felt your face flush and you quickly turned away as he narrowed his eyes “listen, i dont really care-well, i do, but only if im involved in whatever you two are doing”

-the excessive color faded from your face as you realized where he was going with this; he thought you and rev were plotting something

-did everyone else think this? was this why the other legends gave you dirty looks when he would walk down the halls of the apex legends facility with you? or when he would sit with you on the dropship? this was news to you

-holding back your amusement, you turned back to him and played along “oh, well, you see, if you were involved, why would i tell you?”

-elliott’s color drained from his face and his eyes went beserk as he said “w-w-well, because i-im your friend?”

-”even the best of friends dont always know the deepest of secrets” a familiar grating voice from somewhere above echoed down onto the two of you, and you watched as elliott froze

-looking to you desperately, he whispered “hes above me, isnt he?”

-”better get out of here before i add another kill to my count” with that comment from your less friendly teammate, elliott was gone

-”so everyones catching on, maybe not to the right things, but still” you said exasperately, sighing and hanging your head as you sat down on the floor of the building you were in

-you didnt know why you cared so much if people found out about you and him, but it was nerve-wrecking

-there was a thud as revenant landed behind you, and a cold claw slowly inched its way underneath your chin, turning it upward to display your face to the bot’s, which hovered over you

-his yellow LEDs bore into your eyes as he surveyed you with a look of possesion “and why exactly should i care? remind me, skinsuit”

-to outsiders, what he was doing may have looked like a threat, in fact, everything he did to you may look like a threat, but secretly you liked the protective nature of your lover; he made you warm inside

-that was when you came to your desicion; if anyone asked, they would walk away knowing you were dating a 300 year old serial killer

#rev #reader #elliott #mirage #ajay #lifeline #octavio #octane #revenant #revenant x reader #revenant x reader fanfic #fanfiction #apex legends #apex legends games #apex legends fanfic #love #secret

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rosewind2007 · 6 months

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Awww…[re]reading System Collapse to my little ones (they’re 14 and 16, perfect ages) and:

“The drone was a thin oval platform fifteen centimeters in width with a lot of folded-up armatures tucked up against it that were supposed to be helpful in planetary exploration or contact missions and, knowing ART, who knew what they actually did. It added, That was a mission-critical query?”

They make Valentine’s Day cards!

In my silly little fic, I ❤️ murderbot

It was handmade, or assembled by appendages of some kind (Gurathin didn’t want to jump to any premature conclusions). A love-heart featured, as did glitter.

It was a fascinating combination of the sophisticated and the—Gurathin struggled for the right word: it was clear whoever made this card had never made one before. The presence of glitter was unusual, most forms of glitter were banned by certain treaties which (unusually) were formally ratified by both the Corporate Rim and the majority of outsystem/non-corporate political entities.

SecUnit was staring at the wall, radiating a state of furious uncertainty. It reminded Gurathin of some kind of oscillatory system. It clearly wanted Gurathin to help it sort of collapse everything into a decisive singularity.

“I don’t think it’s from a human, not even a highly augmented one. My impression is this card is drone made, and the creator is a bot.” He thought he’d keep it simple and non-judgmental, emotionally non-committal; he was aware he was masking his feelings over the feed too (now that was something he was better at than SecUnit).

“I would deduce, from the available evidence, that The Perihelion created this card for you. Though I suspect the idea was seeded by an adolescent human.”

And that last bit, System Collapse:

I was in an environmental suit now and Amena had made my hair fluffy (she was trying to make me feel better)…

#murderbot #the murderbot diaries #murderbot diaries #gurathin #secunit #martha wells #system collapse #system collapse spoilers #valentines day #ART-drone

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thewickedkat · 1 year

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i understand that Fresh Cut Grass is experiencing some growing pains, that they woke up from what was presumably a dreamless, formless sort of non-awareness after an interminably long period of time. i understand that they're disorientated, in search of who they were so that they can learn who they are and who they will become. i understand that they were grossly misinformed as to what their function was upon waking, because Dancer didn't truly know what she had just purchased (sidebar, i think it's kinda ick that D would 'sell' one of their own kind, assuming they knew that Aeormatons are generally sentient and capable of learning and growing, but that's another bone to chew another day). i understand that it is emotional and mental whiplash to think you have been created for Purpose A only to find out that you have Subfunction B buried like some sort of malware, and then Subroutine C effectively erases the memory of Subfunction B executing. and i get that on top of all that, you have friends who are trying, sometimes desperately, to inform you that can and should incorporate new knowledge into your understanding of yourself and the world at large. i know that it takes more than one heart-to-heart in squishy mortal folk to undo programming such as that, and so therefore i assume it's just as difficult for Letters.

but at this point, right now, especially in light of the latest 4-Sided Dive and last night's episode, FCG really reminds me of someone who battled some kind of addiction and got into one of those 12-step programmes...but only read the literature and went to, like, four meetings and said 'oh, okay! i get it! if i just substitute Faith (as i understand it) for Purpose and Function, then i've got this in the bag and i don't have to do anything else!' when, sweetie, it isn't that simple. it's a painfully human way of looking at the issue, wanting something terribly complicated to be easily reduced to a linear progression of Step One, Step Two, Step Three, etc.

and before anyone comes for me, i am an ACoA, have been involved with AA, NA, Al-Anon, and other 12-step programmes. i watched my father struggle with that very progression of steps and he too thought it was just a checklist of sorts before he bottomed out again. i watched friends do the same thing, for over thirty years, in the Rooms. i do not make this analogy lightly. so many folk sublimate their addictive compulsions into something else: working out, dieting, family, faith, etc. and for the most part, it works. but when it does not, it becomes a precarious foundation upon which to build a new identity, and that's what FCG is making me think of. because when that precarious foundation is tested in any way, it can be ugly and painful when it collapses.

FCG is still new to the idea of self-determination and is still looking for that Purpose, that Function, else they think their existence is bereft of meaning. the problem is, when everything you do or say could be boiled down to said Purpose or Function or the flip of a coin or 'the Changebringer told me to do this,' there is a sort of abdication of personal responsibility. he's trying to overcome his MurderBot Subfunction, and defying that programming so far, but doesn't seem to understand that every time he tosses that coin into the air, that is a choice they are making. not Purpose, not the Changebringer. when they barrelled into the Citadel last night, that was them, not Function.

i think it will take a while before they realise what the Changebringer really stands for, and there can be just as much fulfillment of Purpose in freely choosing who they want to be, but i hope it doesn't come at the expense of themself or any of the Hells.

#critical role #cr spoilers #cr meta #fcg #fresh cut grass

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bottoms-movie · 3 years

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SAMBUCKY FIC RECS PT. 2

The first part did really really so I decided to make a second part of sambucky fic recs. Just as the last one: the fics are split into three categories: based on tfatws, canon divergence, and au. CHECK OUT PART ONE HERE All fics are completed and all are on AO3.

BASED ON TFATWS

The Truths Beneath Our Ribs | Mature | 6,742 words

5 times Bucky wears Sam's things +1 time Sam wears something of Bucky's

anything you can do, i’ll do you better | Explicit | 5,526 words

Steve is going to kill them if they don't learn to get along, but did they have to take it so far?

making amends | Explicit | 8,645 words

“Not Cap yet,” Sam said. He looked a little ruefully at his hands, which were covered in nicks and cuts. He could already feel his palms bruising from that last shield catch, but at least nothing was broken this time.

“I respect that,” Bucky said slowly. Sam raised an eyebrow, but didn’t respond. Bucky flexed and unflexed the vibranium fingers of his left hand, a nervous habit that Sam had clocked ages ago. “And you’re right.”

“Thanks, I know.” Sam waited a beat. “About what?”

Barnes sighs, and it’s a deep, soul-weary thing. “Maybe no one ever told you this, but I’m telling you right now. You don’t have any obligation to care about me because Steve did. You don’t have to pretend.”

Sam blinks, taken aback. He has to think, really think, about what he says next, because it’s - it’s either going to build or break something.

You’re My World | Explicit | 6,585 words

“I… oh, I get it now.” Sam tilted his head, perceptive as ever, goddammit. “All this flirting with my sister, that was just to get my attention, wasn’t it? I know it was. Say it.”

“That wasn’t—” Bucky croaked, but Sam wasn’t having it.

He huffed a low laugh, and bulldozed right through Bucky’s feeble pretense. “You like it when I pin you against the wall? Take away all that power you have, that strength that your arm gives you? Make you feel small, maybe?”

Call Me By Your (Pet) Name | Teen | 6,928 words

“You got a list of the nicknames available to us lesser mortals?” Sam continued, staring straight ahead at the seat in front of him. “The ‘you’re not Steve Rogers, so don’t even think about it’ collection?”

“Yeah, sure, there’s a list,” Bucky replied, pausing long enough to draw a pointed look from Sam. “Bucky,” he finished, gesturing broadly with his arm to convey the obviousness of the answer.

5 times Sam and Bucky used pet names as a joke + 1 time they used them in earnest

That’s not very gunkle of you | 2 parts | 4,325 words part 1: Bestie Vibes Only | Teen | 1,822 words

“What’s buzzin’ cousin?” Says Bucky, sitting down next to Sam on the docks.

That’s the moment that Sam realizes he needs to change tactics, no more subtly looking up definitions for his weird old person slang, it’s time to fight fire with fire.

“Not much bro, this view is highkey just hitting different TBH” he says, casually looking out at the water.

There’s a beat of silence and then,

“That’s swell doll, I just ate some four-o cackle jelly with side arms, and I’m looking for some kicks, you dig?

Oh, this means war.

misunderstandings | Not Rated | 3,167 words

Sam thinks Sarah and Bucky had a date, and he's Not Okay

you walked into my life to offer me a better view | Teen | 2,534 words

He was standing twenty feet away at the edge of the docks, chatting with Sarah, and Sam couldn't take his eyes away. Bucky's smile was warm, wide, and when he tipped his head back and laughed, his nose scrunching up and eyes crinkling at the corners, Sam could feel it vibrate straight to his heart.

falling, falling, flying | Teen | 2,778 words

Bucky had kissed him.

And Sam had pulled away, because that beautiful golden sunset made Bucky’s hair gleam with the faintest touch of blond, that rare summer breeze hissed like a dying missile past Sam’s ears, the kiss was so familiar, too familiar, and Sam was falling, falling—

(“Let yourself be happy, Sam. Please.”)

lonely boy, you are my world (and i could be anything you need) | Teen | 5,747 words

It all starts with Sam, a shelter, and this sweet kitten that reminded him far too much of a certain century-old, grouchy super soldier.

too dangerous to fall | Explicit | 3,466 words

Bucky Barnes is a one-armed menace. He has murder eyes and no care for basic safety protocols. His jokes are terrible and his bad moods are worse. He’s a godawful roommate who leaves his wet towels on the floor and his combat knives in the linen cabinet. Sam can’t stand the sight of him.

What happens in Louisiana | General | 3,478 words

But just then, in the engine room of the Wilson family boat, away from prying eyes, it felt like something they both needed. The closeness. The warmth.

Steve would laugh at them. Two grown men not being able to get it together. He would roll his eyes at Buck, nudge him with his elbow and tell him “you’re sweet on Sam Wilson so make a move already, punk.”

keep the ashes from my heart (and walk away) | Explicit | 4,412 words

“Jamie asked me out on a date,” Sam says. Bucky swallows. “Took him long enough,” he says, keeping his tone light. He bumps their shoulders together for good measure. “You should go for it.” “You really think so?” Sam asks, looking at him. “Yeah, man,” Bucky says. He fixes his gaze on Torres, high up in the sky, sunlight glinting off his wings. It hurts Bucky’s eyes. He blinks, rapidly. “You should be with somebody who can make you happy.”

(In which Sam starts dating someone who is not Bucky, and Bucky pines, gets seriously injured, and proves himself wrong.)

Hey Samuel | Teen | 3,223 words

"Bucky."

"Yeah?" He looked up eyes wide. Did he say something out loud?

"We're walking the wrong way."

"Oh." Right. Um. "Let's get ice cream."

"I don't know about you, man, but if I eat ice cream in this weather I will get sick."

Bucky was at a loss for words. What now?

OR Ride along Bucky's journey of figuring out when exactly did he fall for Sam Wilson.

Anyday, everyday | General | 6,735 words

He moved his head and locked eyes with Sam. "D'you- can you.. help me cut my hair?" He asked. He forced himself to look away, feeling embarrassed for asking him to come all this way just to give him a haircut.

His stomach dropped when he felt Sam let go of his hand to stand up. Of course he was about to leave. Who wouldn't want to leave Bucky?

"C'mon, Buck. Let me cut your hair." Bucky's eyes snapped up to Sam's. He had a small smile on his face and his hand was reaching out, waiting for Bucky to take it.

Or; the five times Bucky fell more and more in love with Sam, and the one time he finally got the guts to tell him.

If You’ll Have Me | Teen | 4,779 words

Sam casually shrugged, although there was an intent look in his eyes, "Yeah, well it's getting late and I didn't feel like flying anymore so I was wondering if your old man self is okay with-"

"You can stay here." Bucky quickly finished for him.

I like Bucky, Sam I am | Not Rated | 2,653 words

"I would kiss you on the boat. Or in Wakanda by your goats."

Static in the Dark | Teen | 4,989 words

So prompt idea, some bad guy follows Bucky to the docks for revenge (over whatever you can decide) and Sarah gets to see how protective Bucky really is over Sam when he gets in the line of fire

CANON DIVERGENCE

A Different Kind of Problem | Explicit | 7,616 words

“Do you know what it feels like to be insatiable?”

Two months ago, an interrogation gone wrong left Sam with Bucky’s explicit words seared into his brain and body.

Now, Bucky is living in the Avengers Compound, making pancakes and wearing Steve’s huge sweatshirts, fluffy haired and a little shy, seemingly completely content to be on house arrest — and Sam has never been more confused. Whatever Steve thinks, Sam doesn’t have a problem with Bucky. This domesticity is just so at odds with the feral sexuality Bucky had used to rattle Sam during his interrogation. Where did that side of Bucky go? And why can’t Sam stop thinking about finding it? Maybe Sam does have a problem with Bucky… it’s just not the problem Steve thinks it is.

Bucky’s Choice | Not Rated | 4,753 words

When Bucky enters Westview to try to help Wanda Maximoff, he is confronted with something he never expected- Steve Rogers, back from the dead and ready to start a life with Bucky in Westview. It's everything that Bucky ever wanted, everything that Steve abandoned when he went back in time to live his life with Peggy Carter. But Bucky and Sam have been involved for months, and Sam is waiting for Bucky outside of the Hex. Bucky has to make a choice- the life he always wanted with Steve, or a new start with Sam?

tonight i’ll need you to stay | General | 2,227 words

For once, Bucky wants to stop leaving when things are finally looking up. And he wants people to stay with him, too.

(or, 3 times bucky needed an excuse to stay with sam, and the one time he didn't)

How to Win a Supersoldier in Ten Days | Explicit | 14,901 words

When they realize that all the Winter Soldier's interactions with Sam are just him trying to Awkward MurderBot Flirt (TM) with the sexy man, Steve, Tony, and Nat convince Sam to play the honeypot and bring Bucky in.

Sam's pretty sure the honeypot isn't supposed to fall in love with the target, but what can you do?

at the end of the war (what’s mine is yours) | Mature | 4,290 words

They don't talk about it: that's how it works.

warm blood (feels good, i can’t control it anymore) | Explicit | 4,492 words

Sam's just chilling watching TV one evening when Bucky comes in and stares at him silently for a minute or two before sitting down on the couch. He's pretty close to Sam.

Okay, he's really close to Sam. Like, Sam would be using the word 'cuddling' if it wasn't so bizarre.

"What," he says, carefully not looking at Bucky, and Bucky huffs a sigh.

"Steve's not here," he says as if it's obvious. "Don't make it weird. Just- shut up."

Caught With Their Pants Down | Explicit | 3,539 words

“Sam, this guy is not coming, the intel was false,” Bucky replied. “I get this whole ticking boxes and what not, but Rogers got it wrong, and for the love of God I need a fucking toilet.”

“You need to learn to plan your water intake better, is what you need. You’re a damn fool and I don’t know why I put up with you.”

“Because you love me,” Bucky replied, and Sam could hear the smile in his voice.

“In your damn dreams, Barnes.”

They’d been fucking for about six months, but Sam didn’t want Bucky to go getting a big head about it.

sharp teeth, soft heart | 3 parts | 17,866 words part 1: you touch me within and so i (know i could be human once again) | Explicit | 12,444 words

It’s inevitable, the way it goes. He’s my friend, Steve says, and he is, he is, he must be. Sam’s best friend is Steve, and Steve’s best friend is a werewolf, that’s just how Sam’s life works now.

But once he realizes he’s attracted to Bucky and Bucky can tell, everything becomes, like, a thousand percent more difficult to negotiate. Sam’s just trying to live his life, that’s all, and he keeps getting confronted by Bucky Barnes in a soft flannel shirt, sleeves rolled up, hair all soft and shiny. Bucky glances over at him and smirks, and this is really very embarrassing, how Sam can’t hide his attraction even if he keeps a totally straight face.

I’m so into you I can barely breathe | Explicit | 6,515 words

Sam Wilson had a long day dealing with morons, so he decided to finally go to the famous club in town. There he meets someone who just might get him back in a good mood. And then some.

twelve ounce steak (boxers in briefs) | Explicit | 3,753 words

Sam has pretty lips. Bucky seems to think so, too.

caught it bad (i’ll be on the way) | Mature | 4,830 words

Sam constantly gets roped into doing dumb things with Steve, but this time, it works out perfectly for him.

meet me in the a.m. | Teen | 3,147 words

Steve accidently starts a fire and Bucky's tired. When unbelievably hot firefighter Sam saves the day, though, he can't really be that mad.

i wanna savour, save it for later | Not Rated | 6,419 words

"It's his damn ratings, man," Sam says. "It's weird 'cause when you read the reviews, he seems to like our food and all. Nothing but praise for days. And then you get to the rating, and it's always the same. Three goddamn stars."

Bucky tips his beer bottle from side to side, lips pursing slightly. "I see. And that's… a bad thing?"

"We are not a three-star joint," Sam says flatly.

Or, the one where food truck owner Sam gets caught up in his quest to unmask an anonymous food blogger. Falling for one of his regulars was never on the menu.

we were a fire with no smoke | Explicit | 15,295 words

Sam can’t help but roll his eyes. Take the boys out of New York but they’re still Brooklyn Catholics, that’s clear enough. Bucky catches the gesture, smirks hard enough Sam can see his eye teeth. It should be dangerous but he’s beautiful, pale and charming and recklessly easy.

“You wanna come in?” Sam asks, ignoring the noise Steve makes, and Bucky’s smile gets wider.

“Yeah,” he says. Steps up close to Sam. “I do.”

my house of stone, your ivy grows | Teen | 9,042 words

When Sam Wilson inherits the manor of the old man he once took care of, it feels like his luck is finally looking up. It's an opportunity for a fresh start, something he's in desperate need of. When he arrives, however, it becomes clear that an easy transition into estate living is not exactly a possibility. The house is run-down, nothing like Sam remembers it, and the groundskeeper — who Sam apparently has to share the house with, wants nothing to do with him.

You Smiled Because You Knew | Teen | 3,754 words

"You've got the wrong address," the man who'd answered growled. He had long, scraggly hair that had mostly escaped his attempts to pull it away from his face. He had nice eyes, and wouldn't have been unattractive, especially with a shave, except for the scowl. "Nobody here wants or needs your . . . services."

It was apparent by the tone the man did not appreciate Sam's hard work.

Well, that was tough shit.

#marvel #sam wilson #bucky barnes #sambucky #tfatws #sambucky fanfiction #sambucky fic rec #fic recs #usermarcy #usersof #usersmile #usersamanne #sambucky fanfic #tusersammy #tusernini #my fic recs

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touchmycoat · 2 years

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I just saw ur network effect incorrect quote and was SLAMMED with the thought of secunit shen jiu and secunit liu qingge one right after the other bc like?? Different flavors of devastation you can go with either sj and yqy being undercover secunits that escaped together and are both constantly under the threat of discovery and yet they won't speak to each other vs. corporate rim escapee sj being faced with a secunit who's either rapidly developing or has already developed such a straightforward personality while he's still a mess (secunit lqg would also be a mess but Perception)

Or literally any other dynamic u want giihufjbi anyway hi, I like ur fic, I hope u don't mind a random thought

I SO DEEPLY DO NOT MIND OH MY GOD, THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME OF THE MURDERBOT!AU I HAVE IN MY DRAFTS NFJDNFJNDJ FORGOTTEN ABOUT FOR AGES BUT ANYWAYS

secunit!LQG is such a flavor holy mother of christ, corporate rim refugee with trauma leaking out of his eyes vs. antisocial mega-capable secunit!!!! That's a galaxy brain take my friend. death-by-violent-qi-deviation!LQG maps onto I'm-forced-to-kill-people-against-my-will murderbot so well, and even after hacking his governor module, he's still the physical manifestation of the corporate rim that SJ hates!!!

i also love secret secunit!YQY...to make things even more horrible how about ex-secunit!SJ that was modified into a comfortunit by QJL...and YQY doesn't know. SJ also doesn't know about YQY's deal, something like YQY got the body mods to have effectively become an augmented human, which is proprietary research/property of Xuan Su, a facility's that's now gone out of business. The secret is that actually, the research was developed as a sort of "secunit rehabilitation" program but it's far too punitive and doesn't actually trust/respect the agency of the secunit in question, so if YQY ever taps into his secunit interfaces/analytical capabilities again his consciousness gets zapped and fried. So they both look "human" now but for very different violent reasons and neither of them are willing to tell the other why ;;

throwing my old murderbot!AU thoughts under the cut too:

so ofc i was thinking of a murderbot AU where SY is like, a sentient supercomputer over-designed for an archival bot but hey, he’s the product of a marketing stunt, what are you gonna do. He’s primarily software with governance over a server farm and at most the security and operations systems in the archive building. The latter functions have their own bots in control, however, and while SY has the processing power to hack them quite easily he doesn’t actually care to take over. He spends most of his time consuming archived media and pretending like he isn’t sentient whenever humans and augmented humans visit.

(He’s also decided on a gender bc I-Promise-I’m-Straight!SY is still the king joker here.)

one day, he gets an emergency ping from building SecSystem about a physical security breach. somebody had broken into the archive and soon started up an aggressive hack into the database. SY fights them with everything he’s got bc a) rude, and b) he still needed access to the entirety of his favorite shitshow Proud Galactic Demon Way in order to properly author a scathing review, nobody’s stealing anything from his storage. The intruder is good though, and soon manages a physical hack that dumps killware into SY’s systems. SY is kind of freaking out but tries to dump the killware back and in the middle of the chaos, SY experiences SYSTEM SHUTDOWN.

he wakes up with significantly less processing power, no access to his archive at large, and a physical body with integrated organic parts. plus there’s a scary looming governor module installed in his apparent-brain that’s threatening to—okay ow, not just threatening. It’s zapping him in apparent punishment for mission failure and failure to follow company protocol. that hurts, dammit. thankfully, less processing power doesn’t mean none, and SY makes swift work of disabling the governor module. for something that blares so loudly about frying his brain if he disobeys Company orders, it’s surprisingly easy to hack, almost as if it’s been done before.

once the mean governor module’s been shut off (SY barely resists the temptation to delete it out of his systems entirely, figuring these weren’t actually his systems so he shouldn’t rescape things so hard), it becomes significantly easier to process the facts. Fact 1: his core consciousness has been removed from its original home in the archival hardware and placed into a different unit. Fact 2: this different unit is apparently a Security Unit, a.k.a. a human-bot construct created by a security bond company in the Corporation Rim, doomed to a life either mindless soldiering or violent upheaval once it goes rogue if the media were to be believed. Fact 3: this SecUnit is the one who physically infiltrated the archive and tried to hack SY, apparently acting under client orders as detailed in its priorities and protocols list. Fact 4: the original SecUnit’s consciousness is nowhere to be found.

SY immediately attempts to connect to and access the archive but doesn’t manage. In the process of shutting down the original good’s hacks, SY had done a splendid job of locking himself out as well. He doesn’t even manage to get the Proud Galactic Demon Way folder he’s stored in easy access.

He can, however, hack SecSystem and spoof the tag on his feed to seem like he’s still himself pinging SecSystem. SecSystem in turn tells him that there’s been a physical breach. Again. Two minutes ago. Dammit, SY’s lived over two hundred thousand hours of peaceful sentience but tonight he’s getting two security breaches in a row? Is this new security threat going to hack and steal his brain as well??

Occupying a SecUnit body with visual inputs now, SY sees the intruder upon entry. The intruder skids to a stop, looking immediately wary. It also looks like the intruder...recognizes SY. Recognizes the SecUnit, rather.

#babe babe babe #you're making me cry about sec units again #but oops i literally don't even know where i was going with that AU #it's from...january aka outside of the scope of my memory hahahah #muderbot AU #howls very loudly at the sky

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pentanguine · 3 years

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Favorite books of 2020

So....about five months ago now, I drafted a list of my favorite books of 2020, and then I, uh, didn’t finish it. It languished in a draft gathering dust and I forgot that it existed.

But now it’s done! It’s hideously late and also out of date, because I’d change many of the rankings now (see below), but I decided to keep them in the original order to reflect how I felt when I actually meant to post this.

Gideon the Ninth- What can I say about this book that hasn’t already been said? It’s like nothing else I’ve read before, in the most unabashed, off-the-walls, grandiose way possible. It’s incredibly complex, well-written, goth, and full of memes. There are, indeed, lesbian necromancers in space.

Harrow the Ninth- I read this 500+ page book in one day and didn’t notice an earthquake while doing so, if you consider that an endorsement. There’s so much going on here it almost feels like it shouldn’t work, and yet it does, brilliantly—it’s so intricately plotted you’ll want to reread it immediately because there’s no way to pick up on everything your first time through.

The Starless Sea- This is just a magical delight of a story, with prose that flows like honey: slow, sweet, and delicious. The story unfolds like a series of wonders nested one inside the other, with each section adding another layer of whimsy and metafiction. It’s half a dream, and half a maze.

Young Miles (The Warrior’s Apprentice/The Vor Game)- The Miles books (the early ones, especially) are wild and unrepentant romps through outer space, and reading them was one of the highlights of 2020 for me. When I finished the Young Miles omnibus, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d taken such pure delight in a book. Even the heavier, more thoughtful moments were part of a well-told, enjoyable story.

The Stone Sky- Speaking of heavy and thoughtful books…The Broken Earth Trilogy is definitely not a light undertaking, but it’s just a masterpiece of world- and character-building. The Stone Sky is the final installment, and it does not pull a single punch in delivering what the previous books have been building towards.

This Is How You Lose the Time War- I keep instinctively wanting to call this a novel in verse, although I think it’s technically an epistolary novel with prose-poem tendencies. In any case, the writing is lovely—lush, vivid, sensual, romantic. I recommend reading this one with your poetry glasses on.

Cordelia’s Honor (Shards of Honor/Barrayar)- I tried to limit myself to one book per author on this list, but I didn’t succeed here. I loved the Vorkosigan saga too much, and I had to include the omnibus about Miles’s mother, Cordelia, whose life and personality could easily be the focus of another half-dozen volumes. (And if you’re looking for a well-developed m/f romance, you’ve found it here)

An Unkindness of Ghosts- I think this is the book that kicked off my sudden interest in sci-fi last year. It’s dark and beautiful, definitely character-driven, and everyone is truly strange in ways that protagonists rarely get to be. It’s also got one of the loveliest, most satisfying endings I can imagine.

Code Name Verity- An incredibly intense YA book that delves deep into one of my favorite fictional themes, Morality. It’s a rollicking spy adventure novel that focuses on a close friendship rather than romance (although you can read it as sapphic if you want), with descriptions of flying over England at sunset that made my heart ache.

The Raven Tower- I enjoyed this story for reasons probably particular to me—I like long digressions into abstract questions like “How do we exert power over the world?” and “Where does the meaning of words exist?”, and entire sections of The Raven Tower are devoted to the inner meditations of a very contemplative rock. It’s also a retelling of Hamlet, if that’s more your speed.

Network Effect (and Murderbot novellas)- I’m going to quote my immediately-after-finishing review: “Murderbot always gives me feels. I would love to give a more literary summary, but I’m still overwhelmed by the tentative vulnerability of two bots being best friends and watching TV together after [redacted].” The first Murderbot novel definitely did not disappoint.

The Monster of Elendhaven- Decadent, blood-soaked, and morally depraved, it’s kind of like The Picture of Dorian Gray by way of Hannibal (NBC), with probable influences from a dozen other macabre works and no restraint whatsoever. Reading it felt very self-indulgently delightful.

Before Mars- A deliciously unsettling sci-fi thriller with a refreshingly blunt, unsentimental female protagonist. Also definitely an …interesting book to read at the end of March 2020, but explaining why would definitely be a spoiler. Suffice it to say that the book goes dark places not advertised on the tin, and it made me cry.

Orange World- Karen Russell is one of those writers who make you wonder “how did they come up with this?” Every one of her stories is a totally original marriage between two wildly different concepts (like a Bog Maiden and high school romance, or new motherhood and the devil), and they’re a nice blend of literary and fantasy that I love.

Something That May Shock and Discredit You- It’s so hard to rank this one, because its two primary concerns are Christianity and transness, one of which means very little to me and one of which is breathtakingly important. I couldn’t justify putting it any lower, because it made me feel an ungodly number of feelings, but I couldn’t really justify putting it higher when a solid third of the book went right over my head.

The Ten Thousand Doors of January- A truly wondrous novel, one that fully immerses you in the delight of storytelling and imagination, and the power of escaping to other worlds. It’s very much in the tradition of “books that pay tribute to the love of books,” and an homage to a hundred portal fantasies before it.

Braiding Sweetgrass- I’ve got such a fondness for nature writing that doesn’t even try to be scientifically detached, and instead leaves you with the feeling that the trees and fields around you are bustling with (nonhuman) people.* Kimmerer’s writing is steeped in indigenous ways of knowing, and emphasizes the respect and reciprocity we can hold for the natural world. It’s lovely writing, and I can’t recommend the book highly enough.

Call Down the Hawk- Full of all the ingredients you expect from a Maggie Stiefvater book: fast cars, ancient magic, questions of art and truth, and borderline overuse of the word “cunning.” Every time I read one of her books I want to start taking notes, because she’s got such a signature style that’s both poetic and readable.

The Unspoken Name- For some reason I wasn’t much into epic fantasy last year, but I’m glad I gave this one a try. I love morally grey characters, of which there are plenty, and the plot took a number of refreshing twists and turns.

A Memory Called Empire- Not a fast-moving read, but perfect if you like your sci-fi novels poetic, complex, and intellectual. The worldbuilding is incredibly immersive, in a way that reminded me a bit of Ursula K. Le Guin, and I remember this stuck with me for weeks after I finished it.

*Let me be a nerdy weirdo for a second: Most of the time Kimmerer is writing about New England, an area I’m not really familiar with, but “The Sound of Silverbells” is set on a mountain somewhere in the South, and I adored it. Suddenly she was writing about dogwoods and redbuds and poplars, and I was sitting there going “!!! Those are my friends! My friends are in a book!”

Changes I’d make now:

Bump The Starless Sea down a couple pegs, maybe to #6

Swap out Cordelia’s Honor and Young Miles

Bump The Raven Tower way down to #16 and bump A Memory Called Empire a few spots higher, maybe to #17

Braiding Sweetgrass can go up where The Raven Tower was

#an inexhaustable source of magic #personal #yes i know none of them have the author's name #sorry about that #it you're reading this it's because i noticed i forgot the authors right after i queued it and then went 'oh well' and cleaned my bathroom #and subsequently did not remember and/or find the time #if you're not reading this then i found the time

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terramythos · 4 years

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TerraMythos' 2020 Reading Challenge - Book 30 of 26

Title: The Cloud Roads (2011) (The Books of the Raksura #1)

Author: Martha Wells

Genre/Tags: Fantasy, Science Fiction (ish), Adventure, LGBT Protagonist, Third-Person

Rating: 8/10

Date Began: 10/20/2020

Date Finished: 10/28/2020

Moon has spent most of his life as an outsider, wandering from place to place. An orphan with little clue to his origins or past, he has the ability to transform into a large, winged creature. Due to an unfortunate visual similarity to the Fell, a destructive race of marauding shapeshifters, he has to keep his identity hidden. When his current home discovers his secret, the residents assume the worst, poison him, and leave him to die.

By luck, Moon is rescued by a huge shapeshifter named Stone. According to Stone, they're both members of a species known as the Raksura, and a nearby group is in the midst of a dire crisis. Desperate to know more about his past, Moon agrees to help. He follows Stone to Indigo Cloud, a dwindling court of Raksura under threat from the Fell. While the Raksura initially distrust Moon, and Moon has difficulty adjusting to their way of life, they soon discover they need each other to survive. Moon must come to terms with his place among his newfound people and help them overcome an insidious and overwhelming enemy.

He spoke the thought that had become increasingly obvious all day long, with every interaction he had had. “I don’t belong here.” Maybe if he had been younger, there would have been a chance, but not now.

Stone made a derisive noise. “You’re afraid you don’t belong here. There’s a difference.”

Moon seethed inwardly but held his temper, knowing it would give Stone a victory if he lost it. “I’ve been walking into new places all my life. I know when I don’t belong.”

Stone sounded wry. “You’ve been here half a day, and for most of that you were asleep.”

Moon said sourly, “I like to make quick decisions.”

Minor spoilers and content warning(s) under the cut.

Content warnings for the book: Lots of graphic violence, action, and death. Non-graphic sexual content. Mind control/manipulation is a whole thing. R*pe is plot relevant and mentioned several times, but not depicted.

I read Martha Wells’ The Murderbot Diaries series earlier this year and enjoyed the hell out of it (reviews here and here). Featuring fantastic writing and the most well-written perspective character I’ve ever read, I cannot recommend that series enough. So I was interested in reading other stuff by Wells, and ultimately settled on this series. Murderbot is a tough act to follow, and The Cloud Roads is MUCH different in tone/genre, but I still thoroughly enjoyed this book and look forward to more.

To me, the worldbuilding is the strongest aspect of The Cloud Roads. The Three Worlds is an interesting and creative setting. Humans are completely absent-- instead, there are dozens of different sapient humanoid races. While there are some cultural analogues to our world, everything feels distinctly alien and science fiction-y. I find it interesting that there don't seem to be countries or empires as such, though I get the sense it’s intentional. The Raksura, a main focus of the novel, are based on insect colonies like bees or ants, but with social complexity more like a wolf pack.

Moon is a good choice of protagonist for this novel due to his general ignorance of the world around him, so we get a firsthand view of someone learning about it. Furthermore, I think Wells does a great job in heavy worldbuilding without it feeling overbearing. When information is doled out, it's always because it's relevant to the situation at hand, so the learning progression feels very natural. By the end I got the sense of a vast and complex world that we'd barely scratched the surface of-- which is a good thing.

The Raksuran culture is fascinating. Personally I find insect colonies super interesting so I love to see a fantasy race borrow some elements of that. Without going into a whole essay, the matriarchal Raksura have a biological caste system and a ruling queen responsible for a lot of the reproduction. They're separated into two main groups-- winged and not. Within those two categories are various social roles one performs for the colony. All Raksura are able to shapeshift between a smaller almost-human form and a larger, more animalistic one. Despite the insectoid inspiration, the Raksura seem to be a hybrid of mammals and reptiles. They’re... sort of dragons? Gargoyles? Dinosaurs? There’s no perfect analogy. One thing I particularly admire about the writing is how Wells manages to make the Raksura human enough to be relatable, but with pronounced animal-like behavior to make the distinction obvious. Maybe I’m a bit of a furry, too. Sue me.

I also enjoyed reading a story where the main characters can fly. I haven't read many books like that; I just think it's neat! It adds an extra element to travel sequences, or even how the characters view and observe the world around them. Journeys in fantasy can be boring to read, but this element keeps it interesting.

The Cloud Roads’ plot isn’t mindblowing, but I think it serves the purpose of the novel well. It’s a pretty standard stock story-- orphan/loner must set out to reclaim his heritage and a new place in society. I think this plot works here because the worldbuilding is so complex, it would be difficult to also balance a complicated story. What keeps it interesting is that Moon struggles to adapt to Raksuran society; it’s his whole character arc. He is inherently mistrustful of the others and in many cases the feeling is mutual. The Raksura initially see Moon as a means to an end; something he is acutely aware of, and Moon keeps himself deliberately detached. The emotional thrust of the story lies in certain characters genuinely wanting him to stay on his own merits, and Moon realizing he actually wants to as well.

One thing I hope to see more of in future installments is good ol’ character development. Moon is well-realized in this novel; he’s emotionally repressed, but starts to get over it and find a place to belong over the course of the story. We also gradually learn about his past, which adds more depth and context to his behavior. But I want more from the supporting cast. Jade, Chime, Pearl, and Stone get some development but I found myself wanting to know more about them outside of the main plot and their direct relationship to Moon. All the books are written and published by now so I guess I'll see for myself. One pattern I do like with the side characters is how several are set up to be obvious antagonists, but turn out to not be so bad, or are otherwise open to changing their ways. I like how Moon’s limited perspective influences perceptions of certain characters. Also: loving Moon's Peak Bisexual Energy. I tagged him as an LGBT Protagonist since he's clearly bisexual, though it isn't a big focus in the story. Casual rep is still nice to see.

My main challenge is the Fell, which are basically an Always Chaotic Evil race of shapeshifters similar to the Raksura, and serve as the novel’s antagonists. I personally don’t find them that compelling. They sort of remind me of Reapers from the Mass Effect series, but thus far lacking the grand ulterior motive. They just come off as pure evil without much nuance. I also have to wonder how the species has survived this far if their main method of survival is targeting entire cities and eating the inhabitants (and each other?). I’m not sure where that whole thing is going. Maybe insight in future novels will help me on this.

I’ll be honest, while I personally enjoyed The Cloud Roads, it is pretty unusual and I don’t think it’s for everyone. If anything, I recommend reading The Murderbot Diaries before this series, but both are well-written and creative. I’m planning to read book 2, The Serpent Sea, after this one, so look forward to that!

#taylor reads #2020 reading challenge #BONUS ROUND #8/10 #there's a significant early spoiler i'm avoiding in the summary and review LMAO sorry

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theres-no-protocol-for-this · 4 years

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Kitties Afoot

At some point, this started a discussion about Murderbot in the present as a cat. It has since become something else entirely, and I don’t regret a thing. So, I guess, stary kitty meets almost-stray human.

There’s more written, but I haven’t edited the rest and I’m not sure I trust Tumblr with anything longer.

I came home to find a giant, scrawny feline curled up on my front porch. The black and gray creature lay on top of the welcome mat with its paws tucked under its shivering body. It looked huge for a cat but not big enough for a mountain lion, and it didn’t look like a kitten. The strange animal was malnourished; as I approached, I could count the poor baby’s ribs with each shuddering breath it took.

“Shit,” I whispered and checked my phone.

It was well into the evening and getting colder outside with each passing moment. The kitty looked up when I got to my front steps. Bright blue eyes stared at me as the creature scrunched up, making itself as small as possible.

“Hey, it’s all right,” I said as soothingly as I could. “I won’t hurt you. Let me get you inside before the weather turns nasty.”

Not that I thought the cat would understand me, but I was used to talking to animals. Before Tasha had passed away earlier that year, I had always had pets at home. I’d spoken to the family dog as a child and to my ex-boyfriend’s two ferrets. And, of course, Tasha the Princess never shut up. Most days, I still woke up expecting to find her dozing on my head.

I set my backpack on the ground, slipped out of my sweater, and wrapped the warm clothing around the shivering kitty. It tried to claw me through the thick fabric but didn’t get very far, though I caught a good look at its sharp talons. I held it in my arms and did my best to navigate the front door. The cat must’ve weighed twenty pounds, but it was probably all muscle and grump.

Inside, I set it down on a folded blanket on the couch and went looking for a heating pad. September was a little early to be getting out the winter stuff. Still, the kitty wouldn’t stop shivering, and I wanted to warm it up as quickly as possible.

The furball stayed put and watched me from its new comfortable perch. Its sleek fur was pitch black, the color of raven wings, but its paws were gray, as was its stomach. I couldn’t tell if the cat was male or female, and I wasn’t going to peek between its legs to find out.

Once I had the heating pad in place, I put a couple of Tasha’s bowls on the coffee table and scooted the table right up to the couch. From here, the kitty had to only shift its weight to reach the water and wet cat food. Everything about the situation was weird, from the cat’s knowing glances to the constant reminders that Tasha was gone.

I scrolled through my contacts and found the phone number of a family veterinarian. It was too late to call Dr. Hopkins now, but I sent him a quick message and asked for an urgent appointment. If the kitty survived the night, and I had a sneaking suspicion the grumpy monster wasn’t going down without a fight, it would need medical attention.

The cat shifted restlessly on its pile of blankets, so I turned on the television. Tasha had loved those stupidly endless videos on YouTube where the camera was trained on a tree stump where birds came to feed. This cast couldn’t care less. It didn’t even notice the TV until I turned on a food documentary episode on Netflix.

I went to make myself a snack in the kitchen and noticed the cat half watching me and half paying attention to whatever it saw on the television. Like I said, weird cat.

My home is tiny, a two-story townhome with an unfinished basement that occasionally floods. I’d gotten lucky with the place; I’d been sharing it with a roommate who suddenly had to move cross-country, and she paid for her share of the mortgage for three months. And then I’d found a decent manager job at a local cafe that let me keep the place.

I hummed while puttering around the kitchen. It was too late for a proper dinner, and I wasn’t hungry anyway. And I couldn’t drink coffee that late in the evening, not if I planned to get any sleep. The kitty drank some water from the closest bowl and then closed its eyes.

Asleep, it could almost pass for a house cat.

Up close, though, there was no mistaking that it was a wild creature. Its ears followed my motions even while it dozed. I turned up the heater for the night and then sat on the other side of the couch, giving the strange feline plenty of space. To my surprise, it stretched out a bit once I was sitting down like it didn’t mind the company so long as said company kept a respectable distance.

***

I don’t remember falling asleep on the couch, but that’s where I woke up the following morning. I sat pressed against one of the couch’s plush arms, legs tucked under me. There was a blanket draped over me that I didn’t remember grabbing. The strange cat lay curled up a few inches from my left foot; I could swear it was purring slightly.

As soon as I moved, uncurling my stiff legs, it got up and jumped off the couch. Standing next to the coffee table, it was apparent just how big it was for a feline. It trotted over to the front door like it owned the place. Standing on its back paws, the cat had no trouble reaching the handle, though it didn’t have the thumbs needed to operate it.

I stood up, followed it, and opened the door for it. “You’re pretty smart for a kitty,” I said as it jumped out onto the front porch. “You gonna be OK, little guy?”

“Meow,” said the cat and vanished into the bushes next to the porch steps.

“Bye, kitty!”

I went back inside but didn’t close the front door. It seemed stupid in retrospect. What kind of person leaves the door open for anyone to stroll inside? But it was Friday and my one day off, so I made coffee in the kitchen and texted with my mother. And maybe hoped that my feline companion might return.

My mother lives halfway across the country in a memory care facility. I can’t say I love my mother — that would be a bald faced lie — but we still text occasionally. I know that my stepfather is taking good care of her, and I love him dearly.

That morning, she was showing off a watercolor painting that she’d created that week. She told me she’d never been to the beach before, and I had to put the phone down for ten minutes before I could answer. Mom and I had vacationed at the beach every year while Dad was still alive. She’d painted a sunset over those turbulent waters.

Sniffling, I cradled my mug and tried not to let the tears fall. I should’ve known better by then, but it still stung every time.

I was still struggling to keep my composure when I heard the sound of claws on the linoleum. Tasha had loathed coming into the kitchen because it wasn’t carpeted, and the drama queen just hadn’t liked the feel of it under her little kitty feet.

Giant Cat had no such compunctions. It stood a few feet out of reach, watching me with those soulful eyes until I had to look away. Sniffling, I rubbed at my face and forced myself to smile.

“Hey there, furball. Back for more food?”

“Meow.”

I opened a can of wet food — if I was going to feed this beast, I would need to get more immediately — and poured the contents into a bowl. After setting the bowl on the floor, I stepped away from it and perched on a counter, watching the cat.

I walked over to the bowl, sniffed at it a few times, and then devoured the food like it was starving. When it was done, it licked its lips and, in one mighty leap, jumped onto the counter. Where it sat down and nuzzled the toaster.

Tasha had never mastered the art of climbing on the furniture. Anything taller than a couch had warranted a loud, obnoxious mew until I came over and picked her up. Not this cat. It seemed perfectly capable of getting up to wherever the fuck it wanted.

“How about a trip to the vet?” I asked. “Just to make you’re not all scratched up inside.”

“Hiss,” said the cat.

I rolled my eyes and giggled. “Not a fan of vets, huh?”

“Hiss.”

“Right.” I finished my coffee in three big gulps. “Of course not. Though, to be honest, I’m not a huge fan of doctors, either.” Mom had seen so many doctors after she’d first gotten sick that I loathed the smell of disinfectant now.

Kitty jumped off the counter after sniffing at the coffee maker and my box of tea samples and went exploring. Like it owned the place, it wandered into the laundry room and then up the stairs into my bedroom. I rinsed out my coffee mug and followed it, curious to see what it might do next.

About half an hour later, the cat decided that it had sniffed at those things it deemed essential and returned to the living room. Hopping onto the couch, it settled on top of the blanket pile and stared between me and the television.

“Seriously?” I asked, choking back laughter.

I’d never heard of a cat that liked watching Netflix. Tasha had mostly enjoyed shows with bird noises or where things moved. Sometimes, the princess would randomly attack the TV like she hoped to catch whatever she was looking at. Meanwhile, this cat meowed at me unhappily when I turned on a bird video and didn’t stop until it saw the Netflix logo. Then, it focused on whatever action flick began playing and snuggled further into the warm blankets.

“Seriously,” I muttered again, quietly, and stood there by the banister, shaking my head.

My weird companion spent the next few hours chilling in front of the TV. Its ears would occasionally perk up when a truck passed by, but mostly it watched the show. Have you ever seen a cat watch television? Because, up until this point, I hadn’t. And I wasn’t sure what to think.

Doing chores proved somewhat tricky when I kept casting furtive glances toward the strange creature. It paid me no heed, but somehow, it seemed to know when I watched it with blatant curiosity. Like, my previous pets had been… pets. This hissy weirdo, meanwhile, was something else entirely.

Eventually, I decided that I needed to get groceries and more cat food, and generally get out of the house for a little while. During a nice, long shower, I convinced myself that I was crazy, and there was nothing weird about the kitty in my living room. Then, I came back downstairs and found the kitty nuzzling the TV remote and decided that I didn’t care.

“Wanna watch something else?” I asked.

The cat looked up at me. “Meow.”

It took me a moment to actually look at the TV and realize that the action movie had ended while I was upstairs. Kitty apparently just wanted something else to start playing. Right. Totally normal right there.

“I need to go out for a while,” I said while scrolling through the Netflix menus. The rest came out before I could think too hard about speaking to a wild animal. “I need to pick up groceries. And cat food. And honestly, I’ve worked twelve-hour shifts for the last week and a half, and I’m ready to see something other than more walls.

“So, let’s get something nice and long started, OK? So you don’t get bored while I’m out. I’m not too keen on leaving the front door open, but the back door’s not locked — I know, I know, bad habit — and you can probably just reach the handle. It’s the pull-down kind.”

“Meow.”

I turned on some kind of drama that promised at least fifteen hours of episodes. “Well, anyway. I’ll be back in a while. Tuna or chicken?”

“Meow meow.”

“Chicken it is.” I was still talking to a cat. Maybe I missed Tasha more than I’d thought. “See you later, kitty.”

#fanfic #of what i don't know #kitties afoot

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erandir · 4 years

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30 Days of Queer Reads

A prompt list for Pride Month by queer author @gailcarriger

I gave up posting these daily because reasons, but have my full list of LGBT book recs. And if you’re looking for a list of LGBT Sci-Fi/Fantasy books where being queer is a sidenote to the plot, this has many things for you.

(My definition of “LGBT book” got a little fast and loose a couple times, but if a character isn’t explicitly cis or straight then you can pry the headcanon from my cold dead hands.)

Day 1: The first queer book you remember reading: The Fall of the Kings by Ellen Kushner. A scholar and a noble discover Old Magic.

Day 2: Queer book that reminds you of home: Passing Strange by Ellen Klages. Lesbians in 1940 San Francisco.

Day 3: Queer book been on your to-be-read for way to long. The Left Hand of Darkness by Urusla K Le Guin. I’m a bad queer scif-fi fan for not reading this yet.

Day 4: Queer book with a name or number in the title: George by Alex Nino. An elementary-school aged trans girl comes into her own.

Day 5: Queer book where protagonist has a cool job: Flesh & Fire by Laura Anne Gilman. Maker of magical wines.

Day 6: Favorite queer graphic novel: Nimona by Noelle Stevenson. Everything Noelle touches is gold.

Day 7: Queer book you often re-read: Antique Bakery by Fumi Yoshinaga. This and the Zelda adaptations are the only manga I still own.

Day 8: Queer book with a happy ending: Queen of Ieflaria by Effie Calvin. Princesses fighting dragons.

Day 9: Queer book over 100 pages: Amberlough by Lara Elena Donnelly. Jazz age spies.

Day 10: Favorite queer genre novel: Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir. Lesbian necromancers in space.

Day 11: Queer book you love in a genre you don’t read: Red, White, & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston. I’m pretty staunchly a SFF reader, but this was bomb.

Day 12: Queer book with a strong sense of place: Starless by Jaqueline Carey. Incredible worldbuilding.

Day 13: Queer book that really made you think: Planetfall by Emma Newman. Mass Effect: Andromeda but it’s a cult.

Day 14: Queer book that made you cry: Time Was by Ian McDonald. Two lovers unstuck in time leave messages for each other.

Day 15: Queer book that made you laugh out loud: Good Omens by Neil Gaiman. Ya’ll know this one.

Day 16: Queer book that is really personal to you: Gender Queer by Maia Kobabe. Obvious reasons?

Day 17: Favorite queer book sequel or spin-off: A Taste of Honey by Kai Ashante Wilson. Set in the same world as Wilson’s previous novel, but a stand alone story.

Day 18: Favorite queer book by a favorite author: Knight of Ghosts and Shadows by Mercedes Lackey. Mercedes Lackey never fails me, love triangle turned polycule.

Day 19: Queer book that changed your life: The God Eaters by Jesse Hajicek. Still readable on Jesse’s LiveJournal. My first exposure to self published original queer fiction.

Day 20: Favorite queer book series: The Murderbot Diaries by Martha Wells. Murderbot is my favorite agender android with PTSD.

Day 21: Queer book that you recommend a lot: The Long Way to a Small Angry Planet by Becky Chambers. Space opera with lots of very good aliens, minimal plot.

Day 22: Queer book that made you take action: The Lamb Will Slaughter the Lion by Margaret Killjoy. Fuck the police. By summoning the elder gods.

Day 23: Queer book by an author who is dead: Maurice by E.M. Forster. The OG gay novel (in the west).

Day 24: Queer book you wish you’d read when younger: Every Heart a Doorway by Seanan McGuire. Wish I’d had an asexual main character as a teen.

Day 25: Queer book in a historical setting: The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller. The Illiad from the pov of Achilles’ boyfriend.

Day 26: Queer superhero book or comic: Hero by Perry Moore. Gay son of a disgraced superhero becomes one himself.

Day 27: Favorite queer children’s picture book: And Tango Makes Three. Classic gay penguins.

Day 28: Queer book that made you feel uncomfortable: Autonomous by Annalee Newitz. Android changes gender just because boyfriend has internalized homophobia? Paladin is bad trans rep.

Day 29: Queer book that made you want to fall in love: Witchmark by C.L. Polk. We all want an elf prince who adores us, right?

Day 30: Queer book with your favorite ending: The Lord of the White Hell by Ginn Hale.

#readingpride #reading pride #queer reads #lgbt reads #lgbt books #book rec #book rec list

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rubyvroom · 4 years

Text

Tens

I had kind of a tough 2019 and did not have the will/energy to write about most of the things that happened or the things I did. It was a Soldier Through And Hopefully Come Out The Other Side kind of year.

I can at least come up with some end of year lists though, and mention some of the things I never got around to posting here. Unless stated otherwise these lists are in order of preference but I did not sweat that order very much, so left them unnumbered.

Movies from 2019 that I recommend: (This is without a doubt my worst list, I did not see many movies this year. When I get caught up this list will be probably entirely different)

Little Women

Knives Out

Captain Marvel

IT Part 2

Velvet Buzzsaw

Toy Story 4

Endgame

Rocketman

Ten strongest albums from 2019

Sharon Van Etten - Remind Me Tomorrow

Ladytron - Ladytron

Carly Rae Jepsen - Dedicated

Tyler, the Creator - IGOR

Weyes Blood - Titanic Rising

Sigrid - Sucker Punch

Jamila Woods - Legacy! Legacy!

Sleater-Kinney - The Center Won’t Hold

Clairo - Immunity

Lana Del Rey - Norman Fucking Rockwell

Ten songs I loved in 2019 (that were not on the above albums)

King Princess - Prophet

Big Thief - Not / Cattails (a tie)

Billie Ellish - Bury A Friend

The National - Light Years

Aly & AJ - Church

Dua Lipa - Don’t Start Now

Ohmme - Give Me Back My Man

FKA Twigs - Cellophane

HAIM - Summer Girl

Hatchie - Stay With Me

Ten TV Shows I loved in 2019

Fleabag

Russian Doll

Watchmen (note: I am only on episode 2 but I am confidently placing it at Number 3 right now, to my UTTER SHOCK as I didnt even want this to exist)

The Expanse

The Good Place

Schitt’s Creek

Good Omens

True Detective

Los Espookys

Umbrella Academy

Also: His Dark Materials, Stranger Things, Dark, One Day at a Time

Ten bands I saw live in 2019:

Spiritualized (Wilbur Theater)

The National (Agannis Arena)

James Blake (House of Blues)

Hot Chip (Royale)

Carly Rae Jepsen (House of Blues)

Ladytron (Royale)

Mitski (Boston Calling Festival)

CHVRCHES (Boston Calling Festival)

King Princess (Boston Calling Festival)

Christine and the Queens (Boston Calling Festival)

also: Superorganism, Anderson Paak, Yaeji, Tame Impala, Hozier, Adia Victoria

Ten Amazing Sci-Fi/Fantasy authors I discovered in 2019 because I went on a rampage (not all of these books came out this year but they came out recently)

Martha Wells : The Murderbot Diaries (All Systems Red / Artificial Condition / Rogue Protocol / Exit Strategy)

Seanan McGuire : Wayward Children series (Every Heart a Doorway / Down Amongst the Sticks and Bones / Beneath the Sugar Sky / In an Absent Dream)

S. A Chakraborty : The Daevabad Triology (The City of Brass / The Kingdom of Copper)

Catherynne M. Valente: Space Opera / Radiance

Becky Chambers : A Long Way to a Small Angry Planet / A Closed and Common Orbit / Record of a Spaceborn Few

Liu Cixin : The Three-Body Problem / The Dark Forest / Death’s End

Mary Robinette Kowal : The Lady Astronaut Series (The Calculating Stars / The Fated Sky)

Ken Liu : The Grace of Kings / The Wall of Storms

(On deck for reading are Tender by Sofia Samatar, Ninefox Gambit by Yoon Ha Lee, and The Only Harmless Great Thing by Brooke Bolande so the rampage continues)

Comics Series I am Actually Following in 2019

The Wicked and The Divine (rip)

Die

Once and Future

Ginseng Roots

Love and Rockets

My Solo Exchange Diary

The Way of the House Husband

X-Men / House of X / Powers of X

The Immortal Hulk

Finder

Favorite Graphic Novels of 2019

Tillie Walden : Are You Listening?

Colleen AF Venable and Ellen T. Crenshaw : Kiss Number 8

Mariko Tamaki and Rosemary Valero-O'Connell: Laura Dean Keeps Breaking Up With Me

Maia Kobabe: Genderqueer

Jen Wang : Stargazing

Jaime Hernandez : Is This How You See Me?

Brian McDonald and Les McClaine : Old Souls

Lucy Knisley : Kid Gloves

Jim Rugg : Street Angel - Deadliest Girl Alive

Podcasts I listen to regularly in 2019 but none of them are cool or anything

How Did This Get Made

Pop Culture Happy Hour

This Is Actually Happening

Judge John Hodgeman

Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend

Sawbones

How to Be a Girl

Dear Prudence

Beautiful / Anonymous

Unspooled

Video Games I logged the most time playing in 2019 (in the order I played them. In order of preference, RDR2 is #1 followed closely by Sekiro)

Spiderman (PS4 version)

Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice

Red Dead Redemption II

Death Stranding

The fact that there are only 4 listed here should tell you how absorbed I was by all four of these. Next on deck: the Outer Worlds

And that was my year. I also traveled to Barcelona and Rome, got a big promotion, subsequently was left holding the bag when everything fell apart at work, a family member died fairly badly, was depressed, had a lot of writers block, also wrote more than I ever have, turned 40, and a whole lot of other stuff that is kind of a blur and other stuff too personal to get into, but it was A Lot. Here’s hoping 2020 is Not As Much, or at least I handle it better.

#2019 #best of 2019 #2019 lists #At least when I put them all in one post you'll only have to see it once!

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clockworkmoose · 4 years

Text

@pigeonfancier replied to your post:

I have read 7 books in the past 6 days. If I read...

Ooh, what books?

Okay, so half of them were a series - The Murderbot Diaries books 1-4. Antisocial robot who has anxiety and definitely does not want to be human and wants humans to stop wanting it to be human which is fantastic.

I haven’t read the fifth one yet because I have not bought the fifth one yet and that’s all that’s stopping me. Because Murderbot is great.

The others were Ball Lightning by Liu Cixin which was pretty good, but definitely the hardest to get through because oof it started out super technical, eased up for the middle half, and then went all quantum physical HARDCORE in the last quarter.

So. Oof. Science Fiction, but more “science” than “space battles and laser guns.”

I’d been meaning to read The Three Body Problem by the same author (because I saw it in Barnes and Nobel and it had a holographic cover and I am a magpie that likes shiny things, APPARENTLY) but saw a review that mentioned that Ball Lightning wasn’t exactly a prequel, but it had like a marvel-teaser style reference to something in The Three Body Problem, so I decided to read it first.

Also, To be Taught, If Fortunate. Which is short, but also kept me up to like 3am reading because I kept saying, ah, it’s short enough, I can finish it before it gets late. But the trick was I was a fool and it was already late when i started reading.

It’s another Sci fy that’s more on “science” than fiction, about a group of four scientists going on a romp through an alien solar system and getting their biologist and research nerd on together. The alien worlds they visit really kinda reminded me of like... what you might see in ‘70s weird pulp magazines where people were just making up the craziest alien life you could imagine for funsies.

Also? All 4 of the main characters are some shade of lgbt/queer and I did not know that before picking up the book and was very delighted by the fact. The cover kind of looks like Princess Leia got ejected out into space for some reason.

(OH, it just dawned on me, that’s a scene in the book. I did not imagine that character looking like that. I no longer think the cover looks out of place.)

The last book that I just finished today was probably the weakest of them, which is super unfortunate, because it had the best world building out of everything, and I think ties with Murderbot for the best character characterization, and is called Binti.

It’s about a girl from the Himba people in Africa (I’m not sure if it’s *actually* the Himba, or a science fiction version that’s just based on them) who is the first of her family to ever leave earth to go study at a galactic university. And everything about Binti (the name of the MC) is fantastic and great and wonderful.... and then halfway through the book, the plot falls apart. To the point of, (example, not spoilers) a bank robber walks into a bank, shoots someone and demands all the money, and then the police come and say, “ah yes, it’s fine you killed that guy because you were fired from your job. Here’s the keys to the vault, help yourself.” which! Is not very logical to me!!!

I did not like how the plot just kinda... did whatever it wanted and got to unrelated endpoints because those were good endpoints, but I did like Binti the character a lot, and the book did win several awards and has two sequels so maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about and it’s better than I thought it was! Shrug emoji? I am planning on reading the sequels anyways.

#pigeonfancier

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publisher021 · 5 years

Text

Breathless

Prompts 1, 19, 20

Shaky hands, Asphyxiation, Trembling

He's always been into the whole 'leaving your mark on someone (or a lover, although, he doesn't exactly have a lover anymore, does he? He and Pepper were sort of fizzling out and were taking a bit of an unofficial break) after a good night spent in bed' thing. He likes the idea of someone knowing that he's touched them, worshipped them and their bodies. He likes the idea of someone returning the favor even more.

He's most certainly dreamt of Steve doing it to him. Who can blame him? The captain's body is built like it was sculpted out of expensive marble, after all. He's a modern-day Anubis. A god amongst men. He's dreamt of Steve touching him all over, hands roaming and caressing with feather-light touches. He's dreamt of Steve kissing him, gently, chastely and then kissing him until his lips felt bruised. He's dreamt of Steve whispering nothing but praises in his ear, dreamt of Steve kissing along his neck, scraping his teeth against the tendons and sucking bruises into his skin.

He knows the thoughts are less than pure, not appropriate, especially now with what's going on.

Which is why he tries to steer clear of the good captain, muttering apologies and excuses whenever he can. God knows the apologies were needed, with him fucking up everything the team has worked so hard for left, right and center.

It's only when he wakes up in the middle of the night, the sky outside his window clear of any toxic gases in the atmosphere and filled with hundreds of thousands of bright stars that he realizes that he's not in the tower. He's at Clint's farmhouse, alone in a bed that he is supposed to be sharing with Steve.

He thinks he understands why Steve doesn't want to get into bed, doesn't want to see him. The sight of him must repulse Steve to no end, the anger at what he's done behind both him and the team's backs coursing through his veins.

Not for the first time, he wishes Clint had an extra bedroom so that he can sleep alone. Which, now that he thinks about it, if it wasn't for Laura (when did Clint even get married, let alone have time to have kids and work for SHIELD?) Clint would have definitely thrown him out of his house. It wasn't difficult to see how much Clint hated him at the moment. He wasn't exactly hiding it.

He lies in bed for a while, unable to sleep except let his mind wander. It was actually peaceful here, he realizes. He likes the idea of seclusion, a place away from all the manic chaos that is New York. Sure, the tower is amazing, it has his lab filled with the latest cutting edge technology, after all, but out here, in the middle of nowhere surrounded by the stars and the sound of crickets at night, it's surprisingly beautiful.

In the end, even he can't keep on thinking. He decides to get out of the house. A walk sounds nice.

So he climbs out of bed, shivering as his bare feet touch the frigid floor. He throws on another shirt, this one long-sleeved and shoves on the first pair of shoes he sees.

He fumbles for a light switch, trying to fix his messy hair slightly. What he sees in the mirror has him sucking in a shaky breath, eyes drawn to the dark blue finger marks around his neck. When he prods it with his finger it draws a hiss from his mouth. It hurts and has him thinking about how Thor's hands wrapped around his neck. The raw power that barely managed to stay contained. He remembers the feeling of fear as Thor lifted him by his neck, remembers struggling to draw in a breath and then the panic that followed. He remembers trying to take in a breath of air and then how his airways seemed to close as Thor squeezed harder, making his anger known.

He moved to touch his neck again, his hands trembling. Before his hand can come into contact with his neck, he changes his mind, letting his hand fall to his sides.

He turns off the light switch and ignores the mirror after that.

He doesn't like this mark that's left on his skin.

He grabs his gauntlet watch, just in case, he tells himself. He snickers silently to himself, albeit a little bitterly. He knows that there won't be any threats outside unless you count the teammates that are less than thrilled with his existence at the moment.

He makes his way down the stairs, hand holding on to the side rail. He's careful not to make any noise so as not to wake anyone up. He doesn't want to give everyone even more of a reason to hate him.

He laughs somewhat hysterically at the thought, eyes avoiding his shaking hands.

His team hates him and nothing that he says or does will fix it. Not when he created a murderbot hellbent on creating its own version of 'world peace'.

The lights downstairs are off, but he can make out faint sounds coming from the kitchen, almost as if the person skulking around the house doesn't want to wake anyone up.

He can't help it, his curiosity is piqued.

He treads lightly, trying to avoid the floorboards that he knows makes the most noise but it's easier said than done, especially in the dark.

When he reaches the kitchen, he can make out the faint silhouette of someone sitting at the kitchen table.

Who sits in the dark?

He walks closer until he can make out the light switch, and, without thinking, flicks it on.

Both he and the other person blink at the sudden light, and oh, the person sitting in the dark was no one else but Steve.

Why was Steve just sitting alone in the kitchen, in the dark?

Apparently, he wasn't the only one surprised to see Steve awake, Steve seemed just as surprised to see him.

"Uh, what are you doing awake?" Steve asked him, face flushing slightly. He watched as Steve lifted his hand to his neck in nervousness. It was a habit of Steve's that he managed to notice, and once he noticed it, he could never stop seeing it. He could always tell when Steve was nervous or uncomfortable.

He tried for a smile, but he knew that he wasn't succeeding.

"Couldn't sleep. Decided a walk might be good. You?" He was surprised at the hoarseness of his own voice and winced slightly.

Steve flushed even more. Well, he could understand why. It might come across as strange to someone else that he was just sitting in the dark.

"Wasn't tired. The serum makes it so I have to sleep less than the average person. So here I am," Steve said, waving a hand around.

He nodded slowly, tilting his head to one side.

"Uh, Clint told me that the kids are excited because we're here. They have a set bedtime but because we're here they don't want to sleep. He said to leave the lights off if we need to go anywhere. That way they won't know that we're, uh, still awake." Steve's explanation made sense, in a way.

"Okay," he said.

The silence between them stretches and he can feel himself grow more uncomfortable. Now might be a good time as any to get up and go for that walk of his, if only his body would obey his orders.

He stands up to leave and glances at the time on his watch. Huh, it's just pushing eleven. Which, for him, is early. He usually only gets to bed in the early hours of the morning after spending a night in the lab.

"Wait!"

Steve grabs his arm and then seems to think better of it because he let's go, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck and turning red.

He's waiting for Steve to say something.

He doesn't have to wait long.

"Uh, stay. Please. I'll make you a cup of hot chocolate. Or, uh, coffee. If you want," Steve offers somewhat awkwardly.

For once he's stumped. He half wants to stay with Steve and drink a cup of hot chocolate and he half wants to go for a walk. But then he remembers the cold bed that he has to go back to. The dark, empty room. It reminds him of that god awful vision that he got.

He's the man who killed the Avengers.

Why should the team associate themselves with him?

When he doesn't answer, Steve's face does this thing where he looks momentarily disappointed, as if Tony refusing to stay for hot chocolate saddens him.

He already feels bad and seeing Steve's face do that thing where it looks like he kicked his puppy makes him feel even more guilty.

So he agrees to stay for hot chocolate. Not that it was even a question; of course he can't say no. It's Steve.

He sits down and watches how a slow grin starts at the corner of Steve's mouth and stretches until it brightens his whole face. Then Steve is standing and moving around the kitchen with all the grace of someone who's lived here his entire life.

It's quiet in the kitchen while Steve gathers all the ingredients. He watches Steve until he notices how Steve seems to move the same few things around on the worn kitchen counter, his movements a tell-tale sign of something that seems to be eating at him.

When Steve turns to give him a tiny, practiced smile, he bites the bullet and decides to just ask what's wrong already. He hates it when people can't come out and say what they're thinking.

"What are you thinking about? It's got you doing that frowny face thing that I hate," he says bluntly.

Steve stops mucking about with their hot chocolate and sighs, turning to face him. He leans against the counter and rubs a hand down his face before pinching the bridge of his nose.

It's only now that he's watching Steve closely that he can see how tired and old Steve seems to look. Steve's not supposed to look that way. He's supposed to have a ready smile on his face and crack dry jokes until you want to either bang your head against a wall or laugh 'till the tears run down your face.

It makes him feel infinitely guilty.

He put that look there. It's his fault that Steve looks the way he does. He put the team and the rest of the world in danger.

"Why didn't you - why couldn't you trust me enough to tell me about Ultron? Why go behind our backs and put everyone in danger for the sake of something that you didn't even know worked properly?" Steve asks. His voice sounds slightly hoarse.

Okay. So the conversation was going to go this way.

He was so not ready for this.

"Because you wouldn't understand, " he says in reply and hates how weak it sounds. He hates how that is the only answer he can give Steve. He deserves better than that.

He can see the rising frustration on Steve's face, he can hear it, even more, when Steve asks him to elaborate.

"Understand what, Tony? I know I might not be from this time but that doesn't mean I won't try to understand everything that goes on. Even I know that Ultron was a bad idea! You had to have gathered that."

He can feel his hackles rise in anger and frustration, and, in the end, it could only boil down to this: if Steve would only try to see it from his point of view, then surely he'll be able to see that he wasn't trying to create a murderbot. He was only trying to prevent something like aliens pouring from the sky occurring again.

It was a valid fear. Not that he was afraid or anything, just, you know, worried for everyone else's safety. His plan was of sound logic, however, Ultron turning against the team and the whole world at large was not.

"Give me a break, Steve!" he hisses.

He throws his hands up in frustration and can immediately tell when Steve realizes something is wrong and that his hands were shaking and he's begun to tremble. Whether in anger or frustration, or something else, he doesn't know.

He puts his hands down and refuses to look at Steve.

"I tried to stop something like the Battle of Manhattan from happening again. Because, in case you haven't noticed it, Cap, aliens pouring from the sky with the intent to kill everyone isn't exactly our forte. We have to have something to stop a threat before it decides to strike. I was trying to do just that because no one else was stepping up to the plate, " he says bitterly.

He's angry at the team for not trusting him but he's angrier at himself for putting the team in danger.

He sees the way Steve seems to slump at his words, fatigue overcoming his normally perfect posture.

When Steve looks at him, his blue eyes are filled with regret and his entire face seems to be bathed in guilt.

"I get that, Tony, and I'm sorry for making you think that you can't trust me. But please, next time, if there is a next time, tell me about whatever plans you have and we'll work through it together. If not for the sake of our team then for the sake of the world. Because every time somebody tries to stop a war from happening, bad things happen. Lives are lost and I honestly don't think I would be able to cope if it was one of you," he admits quietly.

Steve doesn't sound accusatory, just tired, and defeated?

For Steve to admit that big of a thing such as not being able to cope if one of the team members died was unusual. He was a very private man and kept all of his feelings close to his chest.

It leaves him more than a little at a loss for words, if he's being honest.

"Together, right? Fine, Cap. I solemnly swear to come to you first if I have any intention of creating any plans or thinking any thoughts of creating an entity with mass murder on its mind."

"It's not a joke, Tony. Can't you take things seriously for once in your life?" Steve asks.

"I am being serious! I promise I will tell you about these types of things. I learned my lesson and now I have to be the one to see that I fucked up with a capital 'F' and not only am I the cause of multiple people losing their lives, people who are innocent, by the way, but also come to terms with the fact that so many people had to vacate their homes because there's a murderbot on the loose," he replies, breath running out at the end of his rant.

His hands are shaking again and his body is trembling all over.

He remembers the feeling of Thor's hands around his neck, squeezing until all the precious oxygen had left his body. He remembers struggling for air that might not come.

When Steve pulls him into an embrace, he sags into it, welcoming the warmth that's offered even for just a moment. After all, he never knows if Steve will finally come to his senses and pull away. He is the man who killed the Avengers. He doesn't deserve comfort.

He thinks of the unfinished draft stating that all superhumans be responsible for their actions sitting in his inbox, marked unread. Maybe when all of this is over he'll read it. He agrees with it, if only to prevent things like this from ever happening again. Who is he kidding, he already knows that he'll sign the SHRA and redraft it so that it's better suited to the needs of superheroes like the Avengers.

#whumptober2019 #whump #whump trope #stony endgame #steve rogers #tony stark #tony stark needs a hug #tony stark centric #angst #open ending #day one #mine #original work

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ladyherenya · 6 years

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Books read in October

It’s a few days into a new month and not only have I reviewed everything I read last month, I’ve compiled this post. Usually that takes me longer.

I didn’t feel like I needed to include any rereads this month, partly because I don’t really have anything new to say about the trio of favourites I reread: The Lives of Christopher Chant by Diana Wynne Jones, Sunshine by Robin McKinley and The Changeover by Margaret Mahy. I still love those books.

(Longer reviews and ratings are on LibraryThing. And also my Dreamwidth blog.)

The Murderbot DIaries: Exit Strategy by Martha Wells: A very satisfying “season finale”, which pulls together threads from the previous novellas into a high-stakes, fast-paced conclusion. Murderbot, a rogue SecUnit, has been gathering evidence of corporate wrongdoing under its own initiative. But its investigation has been noticed and Dr Mensah, who legally owns Murderbot, is in trouble. I enjoyed this enormously. Read it and then reread it. Bookmarked all the quotes. I am delighted by Murderbot -- sarcastic, socially-anxious, obsessed with serials, reluctantly caring, still working out what it means to be a bot with autonomy and feelings. Next up is apparently a Murderbot novel -- more Murderbot, hurray!

Lethal White by Robert Galbraith: Finally, the fourth book! This was engrossing. I liked it for the reasons I liked the previous books: a solid mystery with satisfyingly unexpected twists; the writing is charismatic, with an eye for visual details and astute observations (particularly about class, privilege and fame); and I enjoy reading about Strike and Robin and their investigative efforts. This isn’t as dark nor as dramatic as Career of Evil, and our detectives’ personal lives take up more space… which I’m not going to complain about! I am here for detectives having personal lives and I look forward to reading more about them.

Take Three Girls by Cath Crowley, Simmone Howell and Fiona Wood: A story about taking risks, making changes, discovering what is important, and dealing with the pressures of others’ expectations and with malicious cyber gossip. Clem (a swimmer), Kate (a nerdy cellist) and Ady (popular) are thrown together by their private school’s Year 10 “Wellness” class. I enjoyed reading this so much. It’s funny and feminist and sharply insightful about teenage experiences: school, friendships, romance, family, bullying. I loved the girls’ friendship and how they support each other, and the references to the things they’re passionate about. I liked the ending… but wish it had more oomph.

Emergency Contact by Mary H. K. Choi: Penny is starting college. Sam is a barista going through a difficult break-up. Penny likes wearing black, being prepared for emergencies and writing science-fiction. Sam likes wearing black, baking and making documentaries. They’re introduced by a mutual friend and soon after Penny gives Sam her number for “emergency contact”. But once they start texting, they can’t stop. (And I didn’t want to stop reading!) They understand each other’s references, trains of thought, anxiety and humour. They can talk about nearly everything. Their relationship is like a modern, digital, epistolary romance. More books like this one, please.

Cousin Kate by Georgette Heyer (narrated by Jilly Bond): Kate is invited by her aunt to stay at Staplewood Park. This is an unexpected and uncomfortable foray into Gothic suspense, with characters agonising over whether one of their relatives is mentally unstable and who else knows. Ugh. Although Kate never loses sight that this is still a person who deserves compassion, it’s an era where there wasn’t much of understanding of, nor effective means of treating, mental health issues. It becomes obvious that this situation cannot be resolved happily. I liked Kate and her very Heyer-ish romance. I’d have liked the suspense had Staplewood been home to different secrets.

Brightly Burning by Alexa Donne: A largely successful young adult Jane Eyre retelling in which the Earth has undergone an ice-age and people live in ships orbiting the planet. Stella, desperate to leave the run-down Stalwart, applies for a governess position on a privately-owned ship. I was pleasantly surprised by how Donne altered the events of Jane Eyre to fit her futuristic setting, rather than altering her setting to fit Jane Eyre. I liked that there were unexpected twists, and changes made sense in context. (I want a retelling to be sufficiently different, because otherwise I might as well just reread Jane Eyre.)

The Shadowy Horses by Susanna Kearsley: Someone recommended Kearsley’s books as similar to Mary Stewart’s, and this is most delightfully Mary-Stewart-ish. From the first page I was convinced that I would to love it. Verity Grey is offered a job on an archaeological dig near a fishing town in Scotland. This has atmosphere: history, scenery and mystery. I was fascinated by the historical details about the Romans, I enjoyed vivid depiction of Eyemouth, and there was enough suspense to keep me intrigued without becoming too spooky. It also has characters who are intensely passionate about their work, and a romance which simmers away in the background.

The Karkadann Triangle: “Unicorn Triangle” by Patricia A. McKillip and “My Son Heydari and the Karkadann” by Peter S. Beagle: Two short stories featuring unicorns. McKillip’s “Unicorn Triangle”, about a unicorn turned into a human, would be great if it were the beginning of a novel; as a short story, I found it unsatisfying. I’m not sure whether or not I liked Beagle’s “My Son Heydari and the Karkadann” but it’s a really solid short story which kept my interest.

The Element of Fire by Martha Wells (narrated by Derek Perkins): I took four chapters (over two hours of the audiobook) before becoming completely captivated. The beginning is eventful -- the captain of the Queen’s Guard rescues one sorcerer from another, there’s palace intrigue -- and I liked the worldbuilding, but I didn’t know why I should care. But when the king’s half-sister, the Fay sorceress Kade, confronts her family, something clicked. Here is the story’s fraught, emotional heart. I really enjoyed being surprised by Kade. I also enjoyed Thomas’ flashes of humour, and the interactions they have with the royal family. I liked this so much more than I was expecting to.

Beneath the Sugar Sky by Seanan McGuire (narrated by Michelle Dockrey): It is rare that I read something which reminds me of Enid Blyton's fantasy, which was my introduction to fantasy stories. However, this novella, in which a group of teenagers go on a mission to a nonsense world, felt a lot like reading a grown-up, modern Faraway Tree adventure -- darker, with fewer dated stereotypes and with much more elegant prose. That perspective made it more interesting. It’s still not quite my aesthetic, but it isn’t as dark as Every Heart a Doorway and I liked how it followed on from that story.

#Herenya reviews books #Martha Wells #Murderbot #Robert Galbraith #Lethal White #Take Three Girls #Cath Crowley #Simmone Howell #Fiona Wood #Mary H.K. Choi #Georgette Heyer #Alexa Donne #Jane Eyre #The Shadowy Horses #Susanna Kearsley #Patricia A. McKillip #Peter S. Beagle #Ile Rien #Seanan McGuire

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