#even if the deaths are so frequent none has any impact for me anymore | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fastcardotmp3 · 1 year

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okay omg that makes so much sense actually about Steve and i think in general he's been such a constant for the party that going into season 5 without him would be really destabilizing and would really open up some space for some really interesting dynamics especially with Dustin and Eddie and Dustin and robin and just robin in general who's tether to the party is gone now, even Nancy who imo always saw him as her safe choice almost? like someone who would always be there in case it didn't work out?? soo all of that said how would you do it?? like how would you kill him??

it WOULD be so destabilizing! and you're right about the dynamics-- the reason I don't like the idea of them saving their Big Loss for the final season is that it doesn't give us any time to see the aftermath of what losing someone that vital to the group looks like, you know?

like the absence of a character you love is, in its own way, a continued presence and I think it's so important to a story like this one that (even if it forgets about it on a frequent basis) is so linked to the varied effects of grief on people

it's also the difference between killing off a character because you as a writer are done with them/ don't need them anymore since the show is ending and letting them die in an impactful way because that's the story being told, which is I think where a lot of people who don't like the idea of steve dying misunderstand where I'm coming from with it, because death is not inherently the end of a story nor the end of a character's importance to it!

but none of that answers your actual question I'm so sorry fjsdklf

I talked a bit about how I would kill steve in a pure replacement of Eddie's death scene here, but if you're giving me the chance to write it from scratch 👀 oh you know I am not going to deny you OR myself that fjasldkfj

Because if we're really leaning into the fact that Steve is the "gets back up" guy, I think his death would sneak up on us slowly until it ultimately just happens.

let me explain

Steve gets torn apart by those bats when he's dragged through the gate at Lover's Lake.

I mean he is well and truly fucked up in ways that aren't fully acknowledged by the show in canon, but what if we made that make sense? What if Steve gets up and keeps going and doesn't complain because he doesn't know how else to go about it?

Even after his arc in season 2 and losing Nancy over his instinct to push forward through pain, we never really see him have to grapple with that again, it's not a character trait he loses and it's a big part of who he is even post-New Stevification.

He's the damn tank, he's got no point of reference for what it looks like to deal with his shit in a healthy or productive manner, he just keeps moving.

So Steve gets messed up. He's bleeding, he's got torn muscles, he's definitely in the process of developing an infection or hypothermia or something walking around the UD with no shoes or shirt, open wounds just in the air like that.

And he doesn't make it a priority. He keeps moving. He gets back up. He gets his friends through that gate and listens to the plans being made and drives the getaway car and he has still not received medical attention.

We don't see Steve hurting save a few winces and grimaces here and there, even though all evidence would point towards the reality that he definitely is, because he doesn't want us to, because he's used to getting hurt close enough to the end of the thing that he can always make it out of the fray before he needs to deal with his own injuries.

He's the guy who keeps going.

He goes all the way through their trek back into the UD, manages to shut off the trailer well enough to keep the bats out even without either him or Dustin getting hurt (a close call, a scary one, but they're both breathing at the end of it, both on their feet).

Steve keeps going. He's wearing a lot of layers, but he can feel the blood soaking through them in heavier spurts now that he's aggravated all the torn flesh on his body with the running and fighting and such.

We see him wince a bit more now, bigger. But he hugs Dustin tight while they wait for their friends.

He makes sure the others get back safe, helps them climb over the mountain of bat's corpses leading up to the trailer and gets everyone back through the gate.

Gets himself back through the gate.

Stands amidst the complicated relief that they're all there but they aren't sure what all has happened yet, aren't sure they've won.

But he keeps standing.

Stays on his feet.

"Hey, Stevie, you OD back there?" Robin speaks up, something suddenly urgent to her shaky teasing as she notices Steve isn't following her as closely anymore on their trek away from the open rift in the ground and back towards where they'd hidden the Winnebago.

He sways slightly, but it's when he tries to smile at her that she sees the crimson shine of blood in his mouth.

"Nah, I'm-- right here with you."

And he collapses.

Unceremonious and on the other side of battle, in this moment when they're so close to finding shelter and safety, Steve's strings get cut and he falls to the floor at their feet and it's chaos.

It's Robin hyperventilating over what she finds when she unzips his jacket-- so much blood, why didn't you say-- this is so much blood-- and it's Dustin reminding him of a promise made in an elevator-- you die, I die, asshole!

It's Eddie trying desperately to call upon any of the first aid Wayne taught him and Nancy sitting quiet and still and barely present with two fingers pressed to Steve's neck, just under his jawline, waiting to feel...

Waiting.

She hardly even needs to check though, Nancy Wheeler, who knows better than most what it feels like in your chest when someone you love is--

"He's gone."

She knows he is. She can feel it. The world is different now and Steve Harrington is dead.

The world is different now because Steve Harrington is dead.

And all there's left for any of them to do is keep going.

#the rambling again god shut up dot #dot post #ask #ask me about my dead steve agenda #LISTEN i would apologize but you're the ones that keep egging me on !!!#not my fault!!#you guys are really gonna make me pull my dead steve fic down off the wip shelf aren't you #i'm in my 'writing things no one wants' era and good for me #cw: mcd

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crushing-on-nico-di-angelo · 3 years

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This is kind of a random question but...

Do you know why people hate Rick Riordan?

I just have no information, and I’ve seen a lot of stuff lately talking about how he’s problematic.

hi!! yes, I've seen things about this as well. I can list the reasons I've seen. I don't agree with all the points made, but its just what I've seen and I think it may answer your question. I also recommend going through the tag #rr crit, as it will give you a lot more and detailed information regarding him (beware: there are quite a few buzzwords. I recommend taking the facts and forming your own conclusions). I also think it's important to note that many people don't hate him, but they acknowledge that since he's a cishet white man there's things he didn't handle well and he needs to listen to critisicm.

Completely mishandled Piper's native American heritage. From the feather in her hair, to her dad being from a reservation that doesn't exist in Oklahoma, to having kaleidoscope eyes (some say that it suggests brown eyes aren't beautiful enough for aphrodite, more on this in the next bullet), to being a kleptomaniac, her character is, ignorantly or purposefully, chock full of stereotypes. having a cornucopia being her weapon. when Rick was told that this isn't good he became defensive and didn't listen to any critisicm

not giving female characters chances to be young, or not have a boyfriend or be unconventionally attractive. if they do get to not have a boyfriend, they're thrown into the Hunters of Artemis. their eyes are anything but brown (I do disagree with the eye thing but it's important to note), suggesting that having brown eyes should be considered less than. Sadie got a 1000 year old boyfriend when she was 14. 13 year old Hazel had a 16 year old boyfriend-- that could be a seventh grader and a junior or a freshman and sophomore depending on how you look at it (and I LOVE frazel, don't get me wrong. the age gap is just,,). in fact, the only female non-hunter without a significant other I can name is Meg, and she's 12.

Sadie Kane and the fanart he boosts of her. he frequently shows her looking completely white, despite saying she "stood out in class for being mixed." It honestly wouldn't surprise me if a white girl were cast to play her in the Netflix movies.

treatment of characters with invisible disabilities. this can range from the coment of "You anemic loser" targeted at Octavian (as someone with an iron deficiency, I don't see anything wrong with it, but cmon. kids can see that, rick. you can't control anemia) to Clovis' chronic fatigue being treated as a joke. invisible disabilities are hard and just as painful as physical ones. it doesn't help if you treat them like that.

too much misogyny to list all of it, but we can start with young girls being expected to be, and acting, more mature than they are; the strong female characters portraying the "I'm not like other girls" trope; the entire way Hera was treated.

The way Nico's outing was handled (this is one I especially disagree with, and this post said it best, thanks ghost). A violent outing by the God of love taking place before Nico was ready, according to some, was not what younger gay people needed to see. he should have had a loving environment and, at the very least, it should have been from his own point of view and not Jason's.

anti-acne and fat phobia: Apollo having a deep hatred towards his acne and Frank's glow up including severe weight loss (not being a cuddly teddybear anymore, getting taller) isn't the best thing for kids who have acne or are fat to see.

Samirah al-Abbas: "reversing the stereotype (Rick's words)" of an arranged marriage by having her be in love with a distant cousin is... not reversing the stereotype at all actually. it just falls into it. Having her take off her hijab around floor 19 because they feel like family is also not great, because, to my understanding as a non-hijabi and non-muslim, that is not how being hijabi works. similar to the piper situation, when Rick was told that this isn't good he became defensive and didn't listen to any critisicm

ANTISEMITISM, ANTISEMETISM, ANTISEMITISM. this is one of the ones I agree with the most. Having Hades' children be Nazis, having a plot point revolve around one of the most traumatic events in world history, ignoring the fact of generational trauma and ignoring the fact that It Didn't Matter That It Took Place In World War Three, it could have not had any correlation to the death of over six million Jewish people. it legitimizes evilsurrounding Hades and death, and -- well, this one makes me so mad, I can't explain all of it so here is a post explaining more in depth

Slavery issues: similar to the holocaust, Rick Riordan made one of the most terrible issues in American History into a fight between demigods. this lowers the legitimacy of the issue, makes it seem fictional, makes Camp Jupiter seem terrible and awful, except it doesn't. because camp Jupiter isn't terrible. but the confederacy was. if children, especially white children, learn about the confederacy through camp Jupiter, it makes it seem way less bad than it was.

again, I don't agree with all of this, it's just reasoning as to why. in my eyes, Rick Riordan is a man who has grown in his telling of his stories. he started with a canonical all white, all straight, all cis cast. he has now a series featuring a latino genderfluid queer person. This Post said it better than I ever could.

I know that it's impact over intent in so many situations. and this isn't to say I disagree with all, or even most of his critisim. I just think that he has good intent, and I hate him for absolutely none of it.

I am gay, I am Latino, and I am trans. that is all I can speak on, and I think his rep for that was great. I hope this answered your question, dear anon. again, I encourage you to do your own research and form your own opinions. I only touched on a few issues that Rick has had and there's a lot more to be talked about. I would say to keep in mind his intent and his growth. thank you for the ask, thank you for directing it to me that made me feel happy lol. ily I hope you have a good day

if anyone else has anything to add, by all means please do!!

#rr crit #ask #anon ask #you can click that tag dear anon!!#pjo #percy jackson and the olympians #piper mclean #nico di angelo #samirah al abbas #long post #rick riordan criticism

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r3almellow · 4 years

Text

MLQC Boys With Angry F!S/o Who Denies Them Touch/Sex

Thanks @dafnew for the request!!! I know it took me a while, but I hope you enjoy it! I apologize if there are any typos!

Slightly NSFW!

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Kiro

All he did was accidentally eat the meal you were looking forward to all day long. Was that really the reason you were currently upset with him.

This wasn’t the first time Kiro has done this and you knew it wouldn’t be the last, so you decided to teach the little glutton a lesson.

Since he loved touching your food, how would he feel not being able to touch his precious Miss Chips?

“No sex.”

Huh?! You’re not serious are you?

To test to see if this was really a “threat,” he’ll try to give you a quick kiss on the lips, but you skillfully turn your head causing his lips to land on your cheek.

DID YOU JUST DODGE ONE OF HIS KISSES?!!

That man is heartbroken, with a capital BROKEN.

Will apologize nonstop and mope when you don’t accept it.

Will give the biggest puppy dog eyes in history. It almost breaks you...ALMOST.

You turn your nose up at his antics and casually go about your business.

He will whine like there’s no tomorrow.

If the two of you are sleeping in the same bed, you will find yourself sleeping on the opposite side of the bed with your back facing him.

Kiro will have none of that and will make his way over to your side and wrap his arms around you.

If you’re really tired you’ll let it slide because you’re a sucker for cuddles; until you feel something hard poking your ass.

Cheeky man...

You’ll be tempted to press your ass against him, but REMEMBER the mission.

Just before he can even sneak a hand up your shirt or press a few kisses against your neck, Kiro will be hit with a barrage of pillows and forced back to his side of the bed.

You’ll start placing pillows in between the two of you.

Savin figures out whats happening the minute you’re in Kiro’s eyesight and the blonde isn’t hovering around you like a lovesick puppy.

Savin feels for him, but will most likely poke fun.

Kiro will try to eat himself into a coma to battle his cravings for you, but his agent will be on his ass.

This will go on for about two days.

When you finally let up, be prepared for him to jump your bones.

LIKE HE’S ABOUT TO POUNCE ON YOU THE MINUTE YOU GIVE THE OKAY.

It’ll be even worse if he’s been out of the country and didn’t have sex with you prior to leaving.

He doesn’t even care where it happens at this point.

Apartment? Dressing room? Storage closet? IT DOESN’T MATTER.

Needs to feel your body against his.

Just know that, if left up to Kiro you’re not going to be able to leave your bed for a while.

Gavin

It was extremely rare for you to get angry at Gavin. Like its almost impossible for you to be upset with him since that man will bend over backwards to make you happy.

There is, however, one thing that sets you off.

Whenever he gets hurt on the job and doesn’t tell you about it.

You know Gavin doesn’t like to worry you, but you deserve to know when the love of your life almost comes face to face with death.

So this time around, he omits telling you that he was hospitalized due to a stab wound.

You are LIVID.

First off, why wouldn’t he tell you he was in the hospital?!

Second, why did you have to hear the news from Eli?!

Gavin tries to ease your frustration with a hug, but you back away instantly.

“No, amount of hugs is going to fix this. In fact, no touching until you’re 100% healed!”

Gavin won’t argue, but he will be sulking! He’ll just have to accept his fate if he wants to be back in your good graces again.

Then it dawned on him...does that mean..?

He had to ask. He had to know!

“Yup! No sex, Mister.”

Looks like that right hand about to work overtime.

Gavin has gone through training to withstand torturous circumstances, so the idea of you not having sex with him didn’t sound so bad.

He waited years just have you in his arms and it wasn’t like all the two of you did was have sex.

However, Gavin didn’t factor in one thing.

His need to worship you.

Gavin loves worshiping you in so many ways from using his words to his body.

His favorite thing to do was to make you feel loved in every way possible.

So when you graciously refuse to sleep in the same bad as him or deny him any ounce of affection, he’s so hurt.

Will try to keep his distance, if he feels like he’s really hurt you.

If you two live together, he’ll make sure to stay out of your way and even sleep on the couch.

Gavin will still keep a watchful eye on you.

He notices all!

Like when you’re wearing his t-shirt without a bra and your nipples involuntarily protrude through the shirt for him to see.

Or when you walk out of the shower with only a towel around your torso. One little tug and you’d be baring all for him to see.

Like I said before, that right hand about to work double shifts if he’s going to make it through a long work week. Gavin is only human and has needs!

His hands got nothing on your mouth or the warmth of your pus- NOPE! NOT DOING THIS.

This doesn’t just impact your relationship with Gavin, but his relationship with others.

And by others, its mostly Minor.

“Boss, can I be totally unprofessional for two seconds?”

“Minor you haven’t been professional a day in your life, but sure...”

“Gavin, hasn’t been himself lately. Like, he’s been sulking and doesn’t even want to shoot hoops anymore. He just sits on a bench and watches birds! And he hasn’t threatened to kick my ass in days! He’s like a sad ass puppy!”

“I don’t control Gavin, Minor. What do you expect me to do?”

“I expect you to....SUCK YO MAN’S DI-” Bless Willow and Kiki for pulling the idiot away.

You do notice he’s more sullen these past few days and has barely spoken to you.

You’ll feel so guilty, but you know you had every right to put him through this!

Not being able to see your precious Bird Cop look like someone killed his dog for much longer, you cave in.

When Gavin hears the good news his eyes light up and without hesitation he pulls you in for a bone crushing hug.

“I’m sorry for making you worry...” He’ll say.

The minute you nuzzle his cheek and accept his apology, its like a weight has lifted off of him.

You’ll stay wrapped in his embrace for a while, but will toss out an invitation.

“If you’re all healed up we could....” You don’t even have to finish your sentence.

SAY

Your boy is touch starved and desperate to make it up to you!

Get ready for the most mind-blowing yet passionate sex you’ll ever have to date!

Victor

Victor is a prideful man, who refuses to let other’s see him sweat.

So, when he makes a rude remark in regards to your cooking skills after you generously made him dinner, you decide to put his resolve to the test.

“Well you can suck your own dick since I clearly can’t do anything right!” And you meant it. No sex of any kind!

For how long? Well…until he apologizes.

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!

It takes a lot for Victor to admit he’s wrong, so Victor is more than willing to go toe to toe with you.

What Victor doesn’t realize is that this is going to be the hardest thing he’s ever had to commit to.

If you live together, you would sleep in the guest room just to punish him. However, you also didn’t want to be tempted. Resisting him was a challenge, but you refuse to let him know that.

If you don’t live together, your frequent sleepovers will cease until he apologizes. No more of his home cooked meals… A sacrifice you were willing to make just to stick it to him.

Either way, Victor will be sleeping alone for the next few nights!

Victor is pretty good with keeping his composure, but by the third day of this ridiculous sex ban everything around him became an irritation.

From Goldman’s voice to the sound of a pen tapping obnoxiously on a desk. It was all so insufferable!

“If you want to keep your job, I suggest you stop that tapping.”

“Uh, sir, you’re the one that’s tapping.” Oh.

After a week, you realize that this man was not going to cave on his own.

He needed a little....incentive.

When the eighth day rolls in you show up for your one-on-one meeting with the CEO to go over some future plans.

Your plan was to indirectly seduce him, you know....to nudge him a bit.

Show just enough cleavage.

Wear a short skirt that may or may not reveal the lack of underwear.

He’ll be eating out of the palm of your hands. Or in this case he’ll be eating out that pussy.

That was the plan, however....

HE DIDN’T EVEN FLINCH AT THE SIGHT OF YOU.

Little do you know, that man is a raging ball of horniness.

It took everything he had to keep his cool once he saw you.

BUT IT WAS DIFFICULT!

He noticed everything.

To the smallest DETAIL.

The outfit you wore perfectly hugged your body in ways that had him outlining your curves with his eyes.

Your lips were painted in a soft pink gloss that made your lips shine and seem fuller.

The air is filled with the scent of the perfume he had bought you for your birthday last year and…was that a faint hickey on the base of your neck?!

Victor could feel his cock painfully press against his tailored pants.

He wasn’t sure how much more of this he could take.

The meeting went on without any problems.

MUCH TO YOUR DISMAY!

You flirted a bit, but he wasn’t taking the bait!

Have you met your match?!

Once the meeting concluded you turned to leave.

You’re never aware of this, but he LOVES watching you leave his office so he could get a look at your ass.

Feels like eternity since he’s had the chance to squeeze it with his bare hands.

Wait...

That skirt.

He knew that skirt all too well. He was the one who bought it after all.

It was just tight enough to show the outline of your panties. The main reason he bought it for you.

But.....there was no outline this...time...

OH HELL....

The next thing you know you’ll be pinned to the door with the a frowning man towering over you.

“I can’t believe I let a dummy get the best of me…”

“That doesn’t sound like an apology...”

Don’t worry, he’ll apologize to you and then he’ll fuck you on every hard surface he can find in his office.

Lucien

It takes a lot for you to be upset with Lucien.

But if you do ever get upset it’ll be because he’s never forthcoming with information and likes strategically misleading you.

When you become fed up with that you refuse to be in his presence until further notice or until you have to work together again.

This won’t last long. Like a few hours....

Lucien is just too good at turning things in his favor.

Lucien is pretty good at keeping his horny levels in check, but....

He doesn’t sleep well without you by his side.

Sometimes the sex is what helps him sleep.

So you ignoring him will simply not do.

Lucien will find some loophole in your plans.

Like he’ll pitch interesting ideas to you that will leave you with no choice but to work with him.

One minute you’re going over notes for an upcoming project and the next...

You’re gripping the sheets beneath you, clothes tossed to the ground, back arched, and heavy pants passing through your lips.

Where’s Lucien?

Between your legs of course!

How did this happen?!

This man is definitely made of magic or something!

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Done!!! I had to rewrite this one like twice because I had too many scenarios going through my head! I hope you all enjoyed it!

Be sure to check out my other MLQC stuff here!

#mlqc #mlqc kiro #mlqc gavin #mlqc victor #mlqc lucien #victor #kiro #gavin #lucien

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askthebunker · 4 years

Text

Sam and Gabriel talk, the gang goes on a quest to find Adam, an old friend returns, someone gets hit by a car, and Chuck proves how far he’s willing to go just out of spite.

“Hey, kiddo, what are you doing up?” Gabriel asked as he wandered into the bunker’s kitchen. There were a lot of people living in the bunker now, but the person he was always expecting the least was the youngest Winchester brother, Adam. The kid didn’t tend to leave the room he and Michael claimed shortly after they arrived, despite Michael frequently leaving to talk to him, Raphael, or Jack...sometimes even Castiel.

Adam pointed to a bowl of cereal with his spoon, his mouth full of the sugary stuff that Gabriel loved and Sam probably despised and didn’t know was in the bunker.

“Breakfast at three in the morning? You Winchesters are worse insomniacs than us and we don’t even sleep,” Gabriel laughed.

“Milligan,” Adam corrected as soon as he swallowed his cereal, “And yeah, I just woke up a while ago...didn’t get to sleep ‘til probably nine though.”

“Should get that checked out,” Gabriel said simply.

“I didn’t sleep in hell,” Adam shrugged, “And didn’t sleep when Mike was still...in me,” he cleared his throat, “It’s just hard to get back on a normal schedule. Fighting God and being stuck quarantined with my brothers isn’t exactly high on my list of things to call normal either.”

“Yeah, well...gonna be hard to ever be normal with my geek brother around,” Gabriel smirked, leaning on the counter.

Adam scoffed out a laugh, “You get used to him...eventually.”

“Yeah, only took me a couple hundred years of living with him,” Gabriel chuckled.

“Me too,” Adam said simply, going back to eating.

Gabriel hummed to himself, deciding to look through the cabinets as well.

“You ever gonna make a move on my brother?” Adam asked around a mouthful of cereal, “I thought the sexual tension would dissipate a little with Dean and Castiel finally getting it on, but there’s still you and then Charlie and Dorothy,” he snorted, “It’s kind of exhausting having to deal with it all the time.”

“Okay, first of all...you don’t even leave your room,” Gabriel scoffed, “Second of all...not your business and never gonna happen, either.”

“Y’know, I thought I was gonna marry my high school boyfriend...never thought I’d end up with an actual archangel. Never say never, man,” Adam shrugged.

“Never, trust me, kid. Just ‘cause you’re banging my brother doesn’t make you an expert on archangel-human relations,” Gabriel snapped.

“Might not be an expert, but we’re the healthiest relationship out there. Actually communicating is key,” Adam stood up, taking his cereal bowl with him, “Okay, enough interaction with you guys for the day,” he said as he walked out of the kitchen.

“You just woke up,” Gabriel called after him.

“Exactly,” Adam called back.

Gabriel sighed, watching after him. He shook his head and closed his eyes, sensing the rest of the occupant of the bunker for something to do. Dean was in bed in his room with Castiel; Charlie was up in her room, watching a movie; Kevin was sleeping; Adam had returned to his room and was talking to Michael; Raphael was...oddly watching television (tempting to check on, he’d have to go back to that one); Jack was sleeping; and Balthazar was no where to even be found in the bunker.

That left Sam, who was in the library, awake.

Gabriel sighed, scrubbing his hands over his face.

He would have to face the music eventually and he’d rather it be alone than in front of everyone.

…

Sam looked up when Gabriel came into the library. He was half asleep, resting his head on his hand as he read through another book, searching for some sort of answer where he knew most likely he wouldn’t find one.

“Hey,” Sam said softly, giving Gabriel an awkward smile.

“Hey, kiddo,” Gabriel smiled weakly, “Look, uh...we should talk about…” he gestured between them.

“Yeah...probably,” Sam said, closing the book and rubbing his eyes tiredly, “Look, Gabe...we’ve been through a lot together.”

“We have,” Gabriel said, leaning on the bookshelf, “And I get it, trauma brings people closer...” he shook his head, “Sam, you don’t know anything about the archangel-human relationships thing. You know a lot, I get it, but…”

“So, what? You think because of me and Lucifer that I can’t...what? Have a relationship with you?” Sam asked, crossing his arms, “I told you I needed you, Gabe...I meant it. But if you don’t...want that, just say it, and I’ll back off, obviously.”

“Sam, I’m worried about you, not me,” Gabriel chuckled, “Fuck the Asmodeus shit, man, but you...you were my brother’s chewtoy for how long exactly?”

Sam grit his teeth, “So what? I’ve moved on, that’s what matters.”

“My brother did that to you,” Gabriel said quietly, “My feelings aside, I’m going to respect what you’ve been through.”

“Respect it by letting me move on,” Sam snapped, standing up, “How is it fair that just because of something I’ve been through, I don’t get to be happy?” he demanded, “Look, thank you for caring...but I’ve moved on, Lucifer is gone, and I want to be happy...with you.”

Gabriel pursed his lips, “Sam-”

Sam leaned down, pressing his lips against Gabriel’s.

Gabriel’s eyebrows went up slightly in shock and he put his hand on the back of Sam’s neck, pulling him down to deepen the kiss.

“Sam- oh,” Dean said in shock, causing the two to pull away, “Well...good for you. Bigger issues right now though, Adam’s gone.”

“Adam’s always gone, get out,” Gabriel said immediately.

“Adam’s gone and Michael can’t contact him,” Dean added, “So let’s skip the making out and go find cousin Oliver.”

…

“So Dean lost someone else?” Jack asked softly as they sat at the table.

“I mean...yes, Dean has lost many, many people,” Castiel explained, looking up from the book he was reading, “We’ve had many allies we’ve lost over the years, but Benny’s death hit Dean particularly hard, even though he won’t admit it.”

“I see,” Jack said quietly, “That’s very sad.”

“Yes,” Castiel said simply, going back to the book.

Jack stared at him for a moment before sighing, “I am worried about Adam disappearing like that. I know you said it’s common for him to fight with Dean, but I am still worried. Uncle Michael can’t find him.”

“Dean and Sam will find him,” Castiel said, “If Michael can’t find him, there certainly isn’t anything we can do.”

Jack sighed, “I’m going to go to bed then...please wake me if they find him tonight, I’ll feel better,” he said before walking out.

…

“You really think none of us expected this to happen?” Adam scoffed, “We’ve been planning for this since we decided to help them the first time. You can hold me here as long as you want, Michael isn’t coming, dumbass.”

Chuck shook his head, “You know what...I regret writing you up sometimes, I really do. You’ve gotten under his skin in every single universe I make.”

Adam rolled his eyes, pulling on the ropes on his wrist again.

“You know there’s a universe where everything takes place entirely in Scooby-Doo?!” Chuck demanded, “And you’re...together in that one too!”

“You’re the one who makes the universes, it’s not my problem that Mike and I end up together,” Adam scoffed.

“You annoy me,” Chuck snapped, “Just like you annoy your brothers.”

“If you’re trying to get under my skin, it’s not going to work,” Adam said simply, “I’ve been through enough shit at this point, I really just don’t care anymore. You can’t make me lose hope like my brother because I don’t have any. I just don’t care.”

Chuck stared at him.

Adam sighed, putting his head back on the chair, “This is gonna be a long night,” he mumbled, looking down worriedly at the cut on his arm that was now leaking out the bright gold that he knew was Michael’s grace.

…

“Can you...feel him?” Dean asked, looking slightly grossed out when he said it.

“Vaguely,” Michael said softly, “Not nearly as strong as I should be able to...my grace is bonded with his blood, but it’s like my father is suppressing our bond, somehow. If I were closer, somehow...I would be able to find him.”

“Well, let’s load up then. We’ll drive around ‘til you get warmer or something,” Dean said simply, “Sam, Cas, you’re coming too.”

“Yeah, no shit,” Sam scoffed, “Our brother is missing, Dean,” he snapped, grabbing a duffle bag, “You might like to fight with him every other day, but some of us are worried,” he said before stalking out.

“I think you angered him,” Castiel said simply.

Dean sighed, “Thanks, Cas. Very helpful.”

…

“Anything?” Dean asked as they drove towards town. Michael was practically sticking his head out the window like a dog, but Dean wasn’t about to comment on it. Or comment on the fact that the archangel had taken shotgun, making Sam and Cas sit in the back...he would have preferred either of them to the guy who almost wore him to prom/was boning his little brother.

“West,” Michael called over the wind.

“Adam has witch in his bloodline on his mother’s side, yes?” Castiel asked, “We could try to summon him.”

“Was I the only one who didn’t know about that?” Dean demanded.

“Most angels know about the bloodlines of the chosen vessels, Dean, even the backup ones,” Cas said simply, like it was the most obvious thing in the world, “And you never spoke about Adam, so I didn’t exactly bring it up.”

“Wow, Dean, everyone knows you never spoke of your brother,” Michael snarked.

“Less talking, more tracking,” Dean snapped, glaring at him for a moment before quickly turning back to the road.

“Watch out!” Sam yelled and the Impala hit the person right in front of them, breaking the window as the impact was made.

“Shit!” Dean yelled, slamming on the breaks.

“Did we just hit someone?!” Sam demanded.

Dean jumped out of the car quickly, followed by the others, “Goddamnit,” he cursed, running over to the person who was lying on the ground, “He dead?”

The man on the ground groaned as he sat up.

“That is a vampire,” Michael said immediately, taking a step back, grabbing Castiel’s arm as he did to prevent him from going any closer.

Cas looked down at his hand on his arm, glaring.

“Oh my god,” Sam breathed out.

“Benny?” Dean asked in shock.

“Well,” Benny laughed, “Startin’ to get real used to seein’ your face when I come back to the dead, Dean.”

“We don’t have time for this,” Michael snapped, “Why are you shocked after the amount of people that have been brought back now? Kill it, we need to move on and find Adam...the trail is getting colder.”

“I…” Dean trailed off in shock.

Benny pulled Dean into a tight hug, which caused both Michael and Cas to roll their eyes for very different reasons.

“Dean,” Sam said, still looking at the vamp in shock, “I hate to say it, but Michael is right...we gotta go.”

“We’re lookin’ for our younger brother, he’s missing,” Dean said, pulling away, “We’ll...talk later. Come with us, you can come back with us.”

Benny raised an eyebrow, looking over to Cas and Sam, “You sure about that?”

“Yes,” Dean snapped, “But...he’s right, we gotta go. Everyone back in the car.”

…

Sam cleared his throat once they were back on the road and Michael continued to sit in the passenger seat with his head out the window. Sam was between Castiel and Benny in the back and it was...uncomfortable to say the least.

“When did you get back, Benny?” Sam asked, trying to break the awkward silence as Cas stared out the window.

“Hell, probably not even an hour ago,” Benny said, looking shocked, “Just...woke up. I was tryin’ to see where I was, lookin’ for a sign or somethin’, when you boys hit me with the damn car.”

“Sorry about that,” Dean said, glancing in the mirror, “Lucky you’re a vampire.”

“Lucky,” Ben chuckled under his breath.

“I do not approve of working with a vampire but I do not care about your sexual preferences right now, Dean,” Michael said bluntly.

“Who’s this guy?” Benny asked.

“Michael,” Dean told him, “Like...the archangel, Michael.”

“Damn,” Benny said in shock, “Why’s he hangin’ his head out the window like a dog?”

“He has some...soul bond or something with my little brother,” Dean grumbled, “He can sense him.”

“Well damn,” Benny said, looking at Sam in shock.

“What? Not me,” Sam said quickly, “Our youngest brother, Adam.”

“I am not surprised he failed to mention us, Benjamin, they left us to rot in Hell for ten years after being the reason we were in,” Michael said suddenly.

“Yeah, it’s Benny,” he corrected.

“Turn right,” Michael said quickly, grabbing the steering wheel.

“Fuck!” Dean yelled, batting his hands away and turning the little less sharp than Michael had tried to make them, “Hands off, you feathered dick!” he yelled. He stopped the car when they came to face an abandoned looking cabin, “Seriously?”

“Yes, he is in there,” Michael said immediately, “But it is warded, I cannot get inside by flying, I tried.”

“Well,” Dean said, grabbing his gun, “Guess we’ll go in the old fashioned way.”

…

Dean kicked down the door, “Adam?” he yelled, “Chuck, where are you, you son of a bitch?!”

“Only one heartbeat here,” Benny added as they walked inside.

Michael ran inside, immediately over to Adam, where he was tied to the chair.

“Dean,” Benny took a step back, shaking his head, eyeing the blood on Adam’s arm, “I don’t know how long I’ve been gone, but I ain’t back to myself yet.”

“Go outside,” Dean said immediately, taking out his knife and cutting through the ropes, “Adam? Adam, hey, wake up, man,” he said, touching his cheek, “Adam!”

“Fuck,” Adam gasped, “Michael?” he asked immediately, looking over with a tired smile, “Hey.”

“Move,” Michael snapped at Dean, kneeling down, “I will heal him,” he said, his voice suddenly soft, “He’s lost a lot of blood.”

“Mike, he...he took…” Adam choked out.

“Rest,” Michael said immediately, caressing his cheek, “You need to...are you okay if I…?”

“Yeah...Yeah, Mike, you’re good,” Adam said, offering him a loving smile.

Michael nodded and pressed his fingers to the side of Adam’s head and his blue eyes drooped closed.

“What the hell?” Dean demanded.

“He needed to rest and I need to heal him,” Michael said softly, “He is not here...he just wanted to prove he could do this,” he choked out, his grip tightening slightly but not enough to hurt as he held onto Adam’s wrist. He pressed his forehead to Adam’s, mumbling something in Enochian.

“We’ll have to go outside in order to transport ourselves back to the bunker,” Cas said softly, “I can take the Impala back, if you want to be with your brother, Dean.”

“Thanks,” Dean said, tossing him the keys without a second glance, not taking his eyes away from Adam.

…

“So what was the angle?” Gabriel asked as they stood in the main room of the bunker.

They were all gathered there and Adam was awake, sitting close to Michael at the table with a blanket around his shoulders.

“He’s running out of moves,” Adam said softly, “He knew Michael helped out Sam and Dean and wanted to get to him, probably...I’m what gets to Michael.”

“That is not a bad thing,” Michael mumbled, his hand still holding Adam’s tightly. He cleared his throat, “My grace that was entwined with Adam’s soul is gone...I’m pretty sure he just wanted to break our bond out of spite for what I’ve done.”

“Yeah, sounds like him,” Gabriel snorted, “How you feelin’, kiddo?”

“Not myself,” Adam shrugged, “But...fine. Mike healed me,” he looked over to the guy standing beside Dean, “Who are you?”

“Benny, he’s a friend,” Dean said immediately, “You should get to bed, kid.”

“Don’t tell me what to do,” Adam said before Michael rolled his eyes and snapped his fingers, the two of them disappearing.

“They’re probably going to fornicate,” Cas deadpanned.

Benny burst out laughing, “Can’t believe I’m sayin’ it, Castiel, but I missed you.”

#cutscene;#benny joins the party #adam's gone;#this isnt what i wanted it to be but i needed to get it out before the end of the night we cant have adam off-blog for so long

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purplesurveys · 4 years

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874

What's something you couldn't live without, other than the obvious? It’d be very hard to have to get by without my glasses. I’d technically survive, but I’ll have to get used to bumping into things a lot and never recognizing anyone unless they’re right beside/in front of me. What's something that will always cheer you up? Dogs. Real life dogs, photos of dogs, videos of dogs, stories about dogs, etc. Who's had the biggest positive impact on your life? My orgmates. They made me happy when I needed it the most, called me out when I needed the help, and idk I’m just happy whenever I get to see them. I can’t recall a time where I felt like it was a chore to spend some time with them. Do you wear flip-flops during the winter? Sigh...moving on... What was the last thing you said out loud? I asked Nina to help me bring Cooper and his stuff up to my parents’ room; specifically, I asked her to bring his food and water bowls.

What's something that irritates you to no end? Backhand compliments. An uncle once congratulated me for getting into my dream school but ended his sentence with “are you sure you don’t wanna go to [2nd top university in the country, (which I also passed the day before)]? You’ll fit better there.” This was like two days after I found out I got into UP, so I was still on cloud nine. I don’t know how my face contorted after that but I wasn’t pleased.

Honestly, do looks matter to you? Yes, but not as much as personality and intelligence. When was the last time you had a girls/guys night out? Not sure. I just have nights out in general; I never plan out gender-exclusive hangouts with my friends. Do you still watch kiddie movies/tv shows? Sometimes, when I get in the mood to. It’s not something I feel the need to do regularly. What's your worst habit? Never learning my lesson and being careless just because everything is going well. Best way I can illustrate this is when a couple of a months ago I started getting regular headaches because I’d sleep at 3, 4 AM – I addressed it by giving myself an earlier bedtime. When the headaches went away and I started feeling better, I went right back to sleeping late lol. Procrastinating is a good example too; I’ve submitted work early occasionally and it’s satisfying as fuck, but I never learn for the most part and stick to doing stuff at the last minute. Do your parents call you by any embarrassing nicknames? No. Byn is a nickname, but I don’t find it embarrassing. Do you have road rage? Yeah but there have to be certain conditions for me to get to that point, like once I’ve seen enough stupidity on the road and I can’t take it anymore; when I’m tense about something; or when traffic has been standstill for too long. Is there a certain word that you always forget how to spell? Not really. I know my spelling pretty well. Are there any books in your room? Which ones? Yesssss but it’s mostly because I owned a lot of books as a kid and I’ve thrown none of them out. My book collection is sorely not updated because I stopped reading as I got older. Do you take too many surveys? I wouldn’t say I take too many, especially considering the fact that I used to take like 7-10 surveys everyday back in high school. I do take them regularly. Write some lyrics from the song you're currently listening to: "You know I’m always coming back to this place, you know I’m always gonna look for your face.”

When it comes to dating, what's your preferred age range? 0-1 year. When was the last time someone gave you a weird look? Continued the next morning, lol. I was dancing in my seat over dinner last night because the fried chicken we had was super good, so my mom looked at me strangely. Do you like to cuddle? Only with a significant other, and an animal if they’re willing to cuddle. Do you like the band Cartel? I don’t think I’ve heard of that band yet. Do you play any instruments? No, but I’m always wishing I could. Do you ever blare the music in the car and dance like an idiot? I used to do that when I drove to and from school. It’s the only time in the day where I’m not working and I’m alone, so I allow myself to let loose. Though I gotta say, most of it is recorded because I always have a dashcam on HAHAHAHA so I definitely have some footage I don’t want getting aired in like my funeral or something. Do you like playing in the rain? When I was a kid.

What's something you miss? Going to the mall is a big one. Anything unpleasant coming up soon? The worst thing I can think of is the first anniversary of Nacho’s passing. It’s not till September, but when I think about how March literally feels like yesterday September doesn’t seem too far away anymore. If you had a pet moose, what would you name him? Probably the name of another animal, like Cow. I’ve seen other people name their dogs the names of different animals and it has always sounded so hilarious to me. Do you often hold back what you really want to say? If it’s gonna make me look unnecessarily blunt and hurtful then yes. Are you currently wearing any jewlery? Nope. What was the last gift you gave to someone? Cooper, for Father’s Day. It was my mom’s idea but I helped chip in with the graduation money I got from one of my aunts. Do you decorate for Christmas? (If you celebrate it, that is.) We do. I’ll probably put a tree and some stockings up once I live alone, idk, just so I don’t feel too lonely. Are you hungry? A bit, but it’s manageable. On that note, I miss continental breakfasts. I’ve been having Filipino-style breakfast for months and I really would just like a goddamn croissant or bread rolls with butter for once, lol. When was the last time you went bowling? Sometime in September and October last year. Can you whistle? Yes. Is there a certain genre of music that you just can't stand? Country. Are you allergic to anything? Nope. How many pillows do you sleep with? Two. I lay my head on one and hug another. If I don’t have a ~hug pillow~ it takes much longer for me to fall asleep. You've just won a free vacation! Where do you want to go? Covid restrictions hypothetically put aside, I’d love to go on the New York/Texas trip I initially planned as my grad gift. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? I have a good relationship with my dad. But it’s not like I feel comfortable enough to tell either of my parents any of my secrets. What's your favorite thing about yourself? Gabie likes to tell me “you’re too selfless, you don’t have to help everyone” in sort of like an annoyed tone because that’s exactly what I do lol - help anyone, even if I have to go out of my way or even if it’ll inconvenience me to do it. But I love it about me. I like when I get to make people go home with one less issue on their shoulders. Do you have any health problems? Scoliosis. Have you ever had a near-death experience? Almost smashed into a car that suddenly braked while I was going 50, 60 kph. Are you extremely picky when it comes to guys/girls? That’s what demis essentially are, lol. Do you ever listen to classical music? It’s my last resort when I’m studying and no other music is helping me get focused. What was the last concert you attended? Paramore. What's a movie you'd like to see right now? (Old or new) Ammonite, it’s an upcoming film with Kate Winslet and Saoirse Ronan. Do you take life too seriously? Most of the time. I just find it necessary that way. When was the last time you were truly scared? This weekend when my mom watched a jumpscare with the sound on, so I heard the loud demon scream that came up in the end. What's the funniest trick you've ever pulled on anyone? I don’t like pulling tricks because I don’t like them pulled on me. The most I’ve done is take Gab’s phone and pretend with her that it’s lost. Do you like orange juice? I’ll drink it if it’s served for free, but I wouldn’t buy one for myself. Do you own any skinny jeans? Yes, nearly all my jeans are skinny. Do you have a diary/journal that you frequently write in? You’re looking at it. When was the last time you had a good workout? November, back when I still had that intense PE class that made me work out for an hour every Wednesday and Friday. Do you like your eye color? I find it too common but I’m not actively complaining about it. I don’t feel the need to change it. When was the last time you played with Play-Doh? Two or three years ago at a cousins’ place. One of them was still a baby then, so the toys they had around were clay and kinetic sand and stuff. What's something that you think people waste too much time on? Fighting on Facebook comments lol Do you think they should outlaw talking on your cell phone while driving? They already have, at least here. Are you embarrassed to burp or fart in front of your friends? For the most part. I’ll burp only in front of Angela and Gab. Do you like peanut butter cookies? Yesssssss, but I don’t get to have it a lot. :(

#survey #surveys

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studentville-struggles · 5 years

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Spontaneous Combustion // Loki Laufeyson

Prompt from @nooowestayandgetcaught @dailyau

Pairing: Loki x reader

Words: 2,265 - oops

Idek what this is anymore, but I kinda liked it

Proofread? Hell nah

Masterlist

Loki wasn’t someone you’d had a chance to talk to much since your arrival as a recruit. Most of your time at the Avengers site had been spent in the gym, doing drills or completing your trainee assignments. All you had wanted to do for as long as you could remember, was help people, and the presence of an actual god wasn’t going to change that now. Having passed all of your exams and being accepted as a full agent, you had started to become acquainted with a few of the original avengers over the last few months.

Loki was still earning the trust of those around him and all junior agents had been informed they were to be cautious around him. For that reason, you both wanted to know more for it seemed harsh to ignore someone without allowing growth, but also to stay away until you had found your feet in this world.

As you continued to impress those around you, and above you, with your dedication and continuous improvements, your interaction with the Avengers became more and more frequent, meaning your interactions with Loki were also becoming more frequent. You weren’t sure if it was the stereotypical ‘bad boy complex’, or his mysterious nature, but you were developing a soft spot for the god. It was worrying you a bit; how could you work for/with someone – in a potential life or death environment – and have a schoolgirl crush on them. It simply wouldn’t do.

You knew it would never amount to anything, his views on ‘mortals’ crystal clear to everyone on site, there was no hope of you being any different. You thought if you could ignore it for long enough, that your crush would go away. What long enough was, however, you had no idea and it was beginning to irritate you. Every time you were in a meeting with him, you felt like a total fool, a lovesick teenager. You couldn’t help but glance over at him, but you also had the horrible feeling that he knew. It wasn’t exactly within your training to learn how to hide a crush. Lies were no problem, physical attraction would take a bit more experience.

Another month passed, and you still couldn’t ignore the schoolgirl crush you had on Loki. He was a distraction, thankfully not enough to impact your work, but paperwork sure took a lot longer when he was around. What you didn’t know, however, was that things were about to get a whole lot more challenging for you.

“Agent Y/L/N, report to my office in two hours, in civilian gear, bags packed for a mission. You’ll need civilian clothes and combat gear.” With that, your superior turned and continued marching through the corridors.

It wasn’t your first mission, but it was a new enough experience that it set a swarm of butterflies off in your stomach. Rushing to your room, you grabbed your to-go bag and began pulling a range of clothes out, deciding what to take. Combat gear was easy to pack, you pretty much just emptied all you had into the bag. Civilian clothes were a little trickier; you had no idea where you were being sent to, so best to pack a range of clothes so you had most things covered. You were always taught it was better to have a lot of normal or plain clothes so that you were able to blend in, in most locations.

Upon arriving at your superior's office, you knocked and entered when called, immediately clocking the three other agents in the room. You were to join Sam Wilson, Loki, and Natasha Romanov on this mission. You were the only rookie. You stood like a soldier, to-go bag still on your back, receiving your mission plan.

You were being brought along because of your incredible fighting skills. You had impressed Natasha enough that she was willing to recommend you for this mission. Primarily, it was intel gathering. If things were to go south however, it was handy to have agents capable of removing threats quickly, quietly and efficiently.

The group of you headed straight to the hangar bay, into the prepared air transport vehicle to take you to your classified location. The flight was quiet. Natasha and Sam near each other, having been friends for years, Loki was sat quietly by a window on the far side of the vehicle, occasionally contributing to Sam and Natasha’s conversation when he felt inclined to. You sat near Natasha and Sam, close enough to be involved if the conversation should turn to the mission, but far enough both you and them had privacy.

“One hour to touchdown.” A voice came over the intercom.

“Right, time to recap the plan. Gather round.” Natasha’s demeanour switching to that of a commander immediately.

With the plane being disguised as a private jet, you had the luxury of being able to sit around a table. You sat down next to Sam, wishing to focus all your attention on Natasha, who was taking point on the operation. Unfortunately, it meant you were also sat directly opposite Loki, who merely winked at you upon making eye contact.

The final hour of your flight passed quickly, discussions of cover identities reviewed, base locations revealed and target persons and locations discussed. With landing complete, you all took on the role of a tourist from the moment the plane doors opened. Much to your joy and dismay, your cover involved that of a couples trip, with Sam and Natasha being one couple, and Loki and yourself as the other.

You had barely spoken to the Avenger and now were supposed to act as though were engaged. All in a day's work, right?

Reaching the main terminal, you all began laughing and joking as if this was a real holiday, now understanding the random acting classes you all called ‘dumb’ and ‘pointless’ in training. Natasha threw a look towards you over her shoulder, double checking all was okay, smiling back you reassured her without saying a word.

“Come on darling, we don’t want to fall behind those.” Loki turned on the charm, grabbing your hand before picking up the pace in order to stick close to Sam and Natasha.

This trip was one of the first where you had to leave the US and so you still had a few butterflies to mask going through customs. You knew your documents were good, you were still all too aware of the consequences that could arise should they not be good enough. Seemingly aware of this, the rest of the team were very good at joking around and distracting you from your worries, allowing you to settle into your cover further.

The most surprising aspect of the mission, you thought, was the depth of character Loki took on. You ought not to be surprised, you pondered, since he is the god of lies, he should be good creating a fake persona. Even still, he seemed to always have a hand in yours, a hand on your back, putting in all the effort to create the illusion that you were a newly engaged couple enjoying the holiday of a lifetime.

Once inside and out of sight, however, few words were spoken outside of the mission parameters. However, about a week into the mission, you had gotten up early to walk to the nearby bakery with Natasha, following a tip that the regulars were a chatty bunch and you might happen upon some new information. Loki was still asleep in your shared apartment when you had left, but was awake and sat silently at the dressing table, eyes fixed on the door, on your return.

“Is everything okay?” You enquired.

“Yes, just keeping guard in case you had been taken.” At this point, Sam and Natasha were coming through to your apartment for breakfast.

“What she didn’t leave you a note? My fiancée left me a note.” Sam mused out loud, winking at you and dodging the slight punch coming from Natasha.

“Eat up boys, we got a lot from the bakery.” Natasha announced. The two women sitting down to note down all they had heard from the bakery and walk home.

All throughout this time of eating and condensing information, you could feel Loki’s eyes on you. Occasionally you would turn to look and he would simply smile and give you a curt nod, but he would not look away. After fifteen minutes of this staring, the others were starting to take notice. Ever the loyal leader, Natasha leaned in towards you to ask if there had been any issues when the two of you had been alone. As far as you knew, there had been none. You were both professional and focussed on the task at hand, and you had shared this with Natasha. Her response was only to nod and smile.

“Yo, what’s the issue man, you know you’re not supposed to stare like that?” Sam always was straight to the point.

“I’m really sorry I keep staring but I dreamed about you horribly dying last night and I just wanted to make sure you don’t spontaneously combust” Loki responded, but not to Sam, to you. His eyes locked on yours, not for a second looking away.

What on earth are you supposed to say to that? Thankfully, Sam had you covered.

“Is that a risk?” He sounded confused and then seemed to have a realisation. “Is that a threat?”

“No, no, not a threat, it was just a strange and worrying dream compared to the normal.” Eye’s still locked on yours.

The remainder of a mission can only be described as strange. Nothing changed when out doing the tourist rounds, eavesdropping on as many conversations as possible. However, the touches seemed to linger a little longer, his touch a little lighter, when you would be sat in coffee shops or out having dinner, his gaze on you with an unreadable emotion whilst in your cover apartment. You had managed to push aside your crush on Loki, knowing it would only make this mission harder and more painful for you, but these small touches, long gazes, and general softness of Loki over the past few days were making this a whole lot harder than it had been initially.

On the penultimate night of the mission, you had all gone out to a local bar. There was a salsa night on that you had heard was frequented by a lot of the local community, it was a good point to conclude the mission. If there was any information you hadn’t heard already, you’d find it here. Loki had you spinning around as if you hadn’t a care in the world, although there was every care and you were really starting to get dizzy now.

Retiring to the bar, hoping to hear a few more tid-bits, Loki had you sat on a stool, with himself next to you, stood between your legs, ever the doting fiancé. Except this time, instead of the usual play pretend routine the two of you had down to a T, Loki was being far touchier and almost intimate, it was surprising.

He placed a hand on your cheek, leaning in to, you thought, whisper in your ears, however, instead you were met with an electric feeling of cold lips where your face meets your neck. A shocked gasp escaped you, something Loki seemed to find entertaining, a soft chuckle quiet in your ear. You knew if you looked at him now you would kiss him, and you knew you couldn’t afford a distraction like that now, not in the field. You could feel Loki’s hands moving to pull you close, your will power beginning to fail.

“We can’t, not here.” You managed to mutter, voice breathy.

You could see the hint of pain in Loki’s eyes for the remainder of the night. Even through the walk back to your apartment block, he still performed the part of the doting fiancé, but without the additions of the previous days.

Completing the nightly debrief, as well as receiving information for the pick-up point the next day, you and Loki retired back to your apartment to pack and rest for the flight home in the morning. Locking the door to your room you could still see the slight hurt in his eyes.

Loki began apologising, thinking he had mis-read your looks towards him. “I’m so-”

You couldn’t even let him finish, months of pining for a man you thought out of reach adding up. You all but jumped onto him, crashing your lips onto his. It took a second for him to respond, but soon his arms snaked around your back ensuring you couldn’t be anywhere but in his arms. Deepening the kiss, Loki moaning into it. The two of you began moving towards the bed, barely any space between you.

Loki had picked you up, lips still peppering your skin with kisses, and was leaning you down onto the bed when there was a knock at the door. It was as if nothing had happened, both immediately on guard, you grabbing the nearest weapon.

Again, there was the knock. Checking through the peephole, you lowered your weapon and swung the door open.

“You scared the shit out of me.” You announced; a smirking Natasha stood in your doorway.

“Just wanted to say to the love birds that you should really turn your comms off before getting it on.” With that, she winked at you and walked out again, leaving you and Loki alone again.

#studentville-struggles #rachel tries to write #loki #loki laufeyson #loki x reader #loki laufeyson x #avengers fluff #loki fic #avengers #avengers fic #avengers x reader #natasha romanov #natasha romanoff #sam wilson #loki imagine #loki imagines #avengers imagines #loki drabble

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selphiahaven · 5 years

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Selphia Haven: How it Began

Just over a year ago, I decided to make Selphia Haven. I would like to believe most blogs are made just for fun, or in order to show support and love for a special niche.

This blog was originally made for a different purpose.

Please note that my story may hold some triggering subjects for people. Please read at your own risk.

It was February of last year when I realized I had depression, but the seeds of it started to plant a lot earlier. For example, I think the hopelessness in my life started around the time that the Charlottesville white nationalist protest was being covered. News stories like this are shocking, and unbelievably scary, for a young adult who is trying to find their way in life.

I had always tried to desperately hold onto the belief that everyone, everywhere, can love and care for each other if they are either given the right knowledge or the right opportunities. I had originally picked up this belief as a child, and wanted to grow up to become a writer who would share stories with kind messages. I pursued a passion for writing all the way up until university, wherein I discovered psychology. My area of focus switched from becoming a writer to becoming a counsellor. I was going to help people, to become someone that could help manifest hope and love within people who had lost their way.

News stories like white nationalism, and similar hateful topics, made that hope slowly slip away from my fingers.

It was a slow fall. I don't remember what happened, exactly, between the Charlottesville protests and February of last year that really wore down my hope. But, by the time the Parkland school shooting happened, all that hope disappeared. The last shred of my love for the world was gone.

What are you supposed to do in life when all this terrible, terrible stuff happens in places that you cannot directly impact? Things far worse than you can imagine, to people far younger than you might think. Watching on a TV screen, you can distance yourself; pretend it doesn't happen. But you know. You know that these terrible things are someone's reality. Someone, somewhere, has to deal with each and every one of these realities that pop up on our news stations. And you can do nothing to help it.

I didn't do much from February onwards. I ate. I slept. I still went to school and worked. But it was...robotic? Everything just kind of happened. Nothing held purpose or meaning. Assignments were just assignments. Work was just work. Food was just food. And sleep was never enough.

My love for my future career was gone. I no longer wanted to be a counsellor, because I couldn't bear to deal with it. I couldn't bear to think that I would be facing these realities every single day—talking with people who had gone through losses of loved ones, suicide attempts, rape, abuse, and so much more—and yet could not provide a source of hope for them. How do you find hope for others when there are stories out there that tell us that everything bad is still happening, right now, right here, in this moment? I could be murdered next week by simply being in the wrong supermarket when a terrorist walks in and starts shooting.

I hadn't exactly contemplated suicide. Another belief I held on to was that, no matter what happens, every step alive is still a step in a growing direction. I would not commit suicide; but I was starting to think about it a lot more. For example: What it would be like to die. And, well, how long it would take for this belief to slip from my fingers just as quietly as my previous belief on the love in the world did. How long would it be before I actually started contemplating it. How long would it be before I actually committed it. What would it take for me to believe that death would be the "best option."

What got me moving wasn't through some miraculous determination. It was fear. I didn't want to die— It scared me to even be thinking about it. I still loved things in this world. My family. My friends. I actually did like school, and though I had been viewing my schoolwork at this time a mostly assignments, I did want to continue learning about the mysteries behind psychology. It was more than just the big things, there were also simple things I wanted to live for. I love ice cream. I love the smell of vanilla. I love the feel of the sun. I love the feel of the rain too, actually, and you can't feel these things, smell these things, taste these things when you're dead.

I wanted to stay alive. I wanted to still laugh at things. I had more funny videos I wanted to watch. More books I wanted to read. There are things in this world that I haven't even heard of yet that I want to stay for and experience in the future. I wanted to write. Oh my god, I wanted to write so much. I would write without end when I was in high school, but gave it up when I started pursuing psychology. I never got back to it because I felt I wasn't good enough, but I still wanted to do it.

All these lovely things that I wanted to do, and see, and experience...

But no effort to give.

I was tired, always. Constantly. My motivation to do anything outside of "the mandatory" (School, work, etc.) was nonexistent. I wanted to write, but every sentence I wrote looked ugly, or wrong, or faulty in some way. I wanted to go out for walks, but I also didn't want to get up and out of my room. I wasn't confident in anything I did; including the things I did at school and work.

I just needed something though. I wanted to do something. Anything.

I didn't start Tumblr for Selphia Haven specifically; I started it to look at funny pictures of animals (see also: an escape from reality). But it seemed like an inviting website to find...something to do on it. It wasn't limiting like on Twitter where I could only have, like, one blog per email. Tumblr gives the opportunity to try many different blogs, if you choose to pursue many different niches.

So, something small, then. I wanted to do something small. Not something meaningful; just something that would motivate me to get out of bed and do...something outside of the mandatory. It was here that I discovered something that seemed easy enough: incorrect quote blogs. In fact, I was so interested in hearing random, funny quotes that I even follow blogs for fandoms I have never seen anything from (eg. Voltron, Harry Potter, Mystic Messenger).

RF4 wasn't my first stop, but seeing as Pandora Hearts and Vanitas no Carte already had frequently updating incorrect quotes blogs, I had to find some other fandom that didn't quite have an incorrect quote blog yet. And... Well, Rune Factory did have one before I started. @overheard-at-selphia existed a few months before I walked in. However, they seemed to only be updating maybe once or twice a month. I thought for a day about whether they might be open to sharing the spotlight with me. Then, I decided that, what the hell, I'll just do it and if they aren't a fan of it, they can always just message me and tell me to shut up.

(I still follow @overheard-at-selphia too. They still update sometimes. It makes me happy.)

On June 14th, 2018, I made my first awkward post.

I made a commitment to myself then: I would make 5 posts a day. They were easy enough to make (this was, of course, before I started adding images) so this kind of goal was realistic for me. Also, I was in the heat of summer, so I didn't have schoolwork to worry about. The queue system still saves me to this day; I don't need to worry when I know I have a busy week coming up, because I can just fill it up when I have effort, and then let it run on my "off days".

Small motivations included just a handful of notes per post, and a handful of followers that gave me incentive to continue moving. Followers meant that people were relying on me to continue making posts. I couldn't just stop without reason; this little project was my own, but I created it to be my own meaningful "mandatory project".

Five little posts a day. Gradually, gradually, gradually, I discovered some courage to try something new. I created the picture incorrect quotes through a small burst of motivation in November, and the results had been astounding. I went from getting maybe 10 notes per post (If I was lucky) to around 20-50 notes per post. And that's not even counting this fukkin monster of a post that exploded straight outta nowhere.

Three posts a day. Gradually, gradually, gradually, I discovered some new courage. Gradually, gradually, gradually, I started writing again. Gradually, gradually, I wrote something. I finished writing something. I actually posted something I wrote; just over one year of Selphia Haven's existence.

I'd love to be able to say life is better now, but I can't really say that for certain. I'm not really sure if things will be okay, and I can't make promises about life when news stories are just as depressing as they have ever been. I have no grand answers for the mysteries that plague our existence; why are we alive and what's the point in all this. And, really, none of the problems that caused my depression have really been "solved" (I still don't want to be a counsellor anymore and I haven't found a different career path yet, for example).

But...I dunno. I'm enjoying this. Making Selphia Haven. It may not be a grand, exuberant show that's going to cure depression or save the children or give starving people food, but... It's my little effort. It's my little attempt at making a bit of light. A little bit of laughter in this dark world. I think we all need that— A little bit of something that gives us light. For me, that was creating Selphia Haven. Making a little effort of my own to (hopefully) make someone smile— Even if it's just a little smile. If my existence on this Earth is just to bring a small smile to your face, well... I guess that makes it worth it for me to continue, right?

That's why I'm so eager to promote any kinds of Rune Factory blogs you guys make, actually. It was me gaining those first few followers that motivated me to continue my first small steps... Gradually, gradually, gradually, I hope that those who start small can grow into something larger too. That people have something small that they can love, or create, or follow along with.

But, I also realize that, you know, not everyone experiences depression in the same way, right? My depression was helped because I had something small I could do every day. No story is the same; but I hope that if you do want to try out making a blog like mine, you will allow me to advertise it for you.

This...maybe isn't a super uplifting story, but hey. It's my story, and it seems to be working out for me so far. I'm happy with it. I'm happy that I'm writing again. And I'm going to continue making gradual steps towards the future too, which might lead me to something bigger. Who knows.

...But I hope I can finish Castle to the West, at least. Writing that story makes me really happy. So... I guess I hope you all continue your small steps to find that thing that makes you happy too. And if you need help, please ask for help! I’d be happy to give you my support!

#Admin talk #This is as good as I got for a 'positive saying'#Hope it helps-

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ohfxxkitsme · 5 years

Text

Peter Parker One Shot: Abuse

TW: mentions of abuse/suggestion of abuse

Based on: Must have been the wind – Alec Benjamin (listen to while reading, I think the impact is better)

Living on his own was stressful, but Peter was an adult now. When he moved out at the start of this year, he knew it was time, regardless of how convincing Aunt May seemed to be. He hadn’t moved that far away, still located in Queens, just living for one now. He enjoyed the freedom, but he did miss coming home from a long day and having a home cooked meal prepared for him. The adjustment period was difficult, and Peter was glad he had friends to help him out, especially since he thought they might drift apart after graduating high school.

Today was a day he’d hoped to have a friend to lean on, but everyone seemed to be busy for the night. Therefore, Peter settled on turning on a movie that he’d seen a million times (Step Brothers) and eating day old Chinese food.

He went to his kitchen and began heating up his dinner. He leaned against the counter while scrolling through Instagram on his phone. No one piqued his interest on the platform, but no one ever really did anyway, it was just a way to pass time: looking at photos of people he didn’t even bother to keep up with. He liked a few photos before the microwave beeped. He tucked his phone into his pocket and opened the microwave. The box burned his finger as he pulled it out and he hissed in pain.

‘Remember, don’t leave your food in the microwave for too long, Peter. It’s a bad habit I won’t be there to help with. You’re going to burn yourself to death, kiddo’

Peter smiled at the memory of Aunt May in his apartment when she helped him move in. It was a day full of her pointing out possible troubles Peter could get in to and it’s funny that this is the first one he’s run in to.

He went to grab a fork when he heard the faint sound of a girl screaming. He listened and heard the voice of a man yelling back at the girl. He figured it was coming from upstairs since next door was a mom and a daughter and neither of them sounded like a man. He couldn’t make out what they were saying, but it sounded like they were arguing. Peter hoped everything was okay, but he knew relationships had troubles (especially this one, he’d heard them arguing once or twice before), so he proceeded to mind his own business and went to the living room with his food. He played the movie and munched on his delicious leftovers; eyes tired from the long day.

The first time he stopped the movie, he thought he heard a thump on the wall. The second time, he definitely heard a glass breaking against the wall. He listened in for a few moments before he decided to simply check on the situation upstairs. It was possible he would be yelled at for interfering, but Tony Stark always yelled at Peter and if he can handle that, he’d be fine with this.

He threw on a pair of flip flops that were laying around and walked to the apartment complex elevator after locking his front door. He pressed 2 and waited impatiently for the doors to close, the elevator to move, and the doors to open. When they did, he was face to face with an angry looking guy who shoved passed him and pressed what Peter assumed to be the Lobby button. Peter scoffed and rolled his eyes after the doors closed. He turned his attention back to the door with black numbers ‘24’ on it. He let out a breath before walking up and knocking on the door.

The door opened quickly to reveal a girl with a white hoodie on. “Andy, what could you poss-oh. Sorry, I thought you were someone else.” Peter got to look at the girl more now in this moment. The sweater was zipped up as far as it could go, hiding up to her chin. She had brown hair that was peaking through her hood and the prettiest brown eyes that were red from what he assumed was crying.

“Hi, yes, not Andy. I’m Peter, actually. I uh, live downstairs.”

“Oh.”

Neither of them said anything for a few seconds, Peter afraid to bring up the topic for fear of being nosey and the girl for fear of saying something she shouldn’t.

“Well, um, I just wanted to come up. I was hearing some noises downstairs and I wanted to make sure everything was okay up here?”

She shook her head and looked at the floor, more hair falling to frame her face. The way her hair curled was stunning to Peter and he couldn’t get over how pretty this girl was. That definitely wasn’t the time to be admiring her, but Peter was never the best at doing what was right in specific moments.

“Yeah, I haven’t heard anything, Peter.” She spoke, his name falling beautifully from her mouth. “I’m sorry. I have to go, but I wish I could help you. Maybe your ears are playing tricks on you,” she suggested.

Peter smiled. “Probably. I figured I would come check, just in case anyone needed any help.” He looked her in her sad eyes and hoped for something he couldn’t even put into words.

“That’s sweet of you, caring about people you haven’t met. But yeah, I haven’t heard anything. Must have been the wind.”

Peter ran a hand through his hair, tugging at the roots. “Ok, yeah, you’re probably right.” She seemed so sure, but Peter was sure he heard something. She wasn’t acting like anything was wrong, so Peter was conflicted. He decided he would leave it and take her word, hoping that she would’ve said something if she needed help. Even if she did, why would she tell him? He didn’t even know her name.

Peter realized this and decided he should ask; in case he saw her again. “I uh, didn’t catch your name,” he announced. She smiled softly.

“Y/n. And again, thanks for coming up, but I really have to go. Goodbye, Peter.” Peter nodded at her and she closed the door, locking it afterwards. Peter stared at the door, processing the conversation that had just occurred. He was confused but didn’t know what else he could do. He took the elevator down to his floor and went back to his dinner that was cold again. He huffed, picking it up and put it back into the microwave. He’d forgotten how hungry he was and wasn’t letting this food go to waste.

As he leaned on the counter, he didn’t pull out his phone, he just thought of the girl upstairs. He thought of her beauty, but also of her situation. Peter hated assuming, but there was no other explanation. The person upstairs next door to Y/N moved out (Peter had been friendly to the couple that lived there as he saw them quite frequently in the building) and the sound was way to prominent to be coming from down the hall. It was the middle of summer, so the sweatshirt didn’t make sense unless she had her A/C all the way up, which was quite possible. But if she was cold, why not turn it down?

Peter thought of this situation while eating and ignoring the movie that was playing. He thought about her sweatshirt, the angry guy he ran into that may have been Andy, which would make a lot of sense, the glass shattering, the thump, the fact that Y/N heard nothing when Peter knew the walls in this building were thin as paper. Peter didn’t want to believe this relationship could be bad in that way, but it was genuinely the only thing that made sense.

He decided to stop stressing himself out and to just go to bed, seeing as by the time he was done wondering, it was midnight.

A week had gone by and Peter was back at his Sunday antics again – sitting on his couch, eating leftovers (pizza today, however) and watching a movie that he’d already seen (Ferris Beuller’s Day Off tonight). He was fairly invested in the movie this time around and that’s why it took him a minute to realize that the yelling wasn’t coming from his TV. He paused the movie and sighed, knowing they were at it again. He thought about Wednesday afternoon. Peter was visiting Aunt May and he decided to ask for her advice on the situation.

“May, I need your advice.”

She turned her head away from the dinner she was making to look at Peter. “Oh yeah? Girl troubles?” She smiled.

Peter shook his head. “Kind of? Not really. I don’t know.”

“Peter, tell me. What’s up?”

He clasped his hands on the counter and laid his head in between them. He looked up a few seconds later. “There’s this girl,” he started.

“I knew it! Who is she?”

Peter shook his head, but Aunt May wasn’t facing him, so she didn’t realize. “No, May. Not like that. She lives above me and she has this boyfriend. I don’t want to assume, but I hear things, you know?”

May turned of the stove and turned around slowly. “What kind of things?”

“Yelling, on both ends, you know, couples fight. But I also hear glass breaking and thumping, which could be something completely different than what I think, but I went up there and something just doesn’t seem right.”

“You went up there? What happened?” She was invested in the story now and Peter was glad to be able to talk to someone about this.

He nodded. “Yeah. I’m pretty sure I ran into the boyfriend on the way. But Y/N, she said she didn’t hear anything. She told me it was the wind, or I was hearing things. I wanted to believe her, but she was wearing a sweater up to her chin and trying to rush away from the door and it was just weird.”

May sighed. “Peter, you know how hard it is for people to admit when somethings not right in their relationship. Do you think something physical is going on?”

“I’m honestly not sure. She looked fine, besides her red eyes, but if they’re throwing things, who knows what might be going on.”

“Did he look hurt?” she asked. “Like, physically?”

Peter’s brows furrowed. He hadn’t thought about that being possible. “Like, she did something to him?” May nodded. “No, no, May, I really don’t think she could do something like that.”

“How do you know?”

“I just know, May!” He exclaimed, not too loudly, but enough to get May to not suggest it anymore. Peter just knew, he had this sense inside of him that something was wrong it wasn’t because of Y/N’s doing. “Sorry, I just…I saw her. I saw him. I’m just worried. I know it’s none of my business, but I can’t stop thinking about it.”

May rubbed Peter’s back comfortingly and looked down to him. “I’m sure she appreciates that you care, even though you don’t really know her. Even if she has no one else, it’s always easier with someone in your corner. She might not ever want to talk about it, and you have to accept that because it’s her situation. She’ll only share when she’s ready and you just have to help her along if you can. Try to get the full scope of the situation,” May explained. She knew Peter liked to get involved and it would be hard for him to not try to take control of the situation, but there’s a first time for everything.

He was planning on heeding her advice and hoped he could help Y/N as much as she would let him. He continued to hear yelling and decided to once again, check if everything was okay. He felt so intrusive, but he wasn’t going to sit back while a possibly abusive situation occurred right before his eyes. Well, above his head, more so.

He took the elevator upstairs for the second time this month, more times than he’d ever done since moving in, and stood in front of the girl’s door. He knocked, not hard, but hoping they’d heard him. Unfortunately, the screaming of “Stop it Andy!” from one side and “You’re so stupid!” from another must have drowned out the knocking he was doing. He wondered if it was a sign, but then his fist was overrun by some mystical force and was knocking on the door again before he could stop it.

He heard the yelling stop and his heart started pounding in his chest. The door opened a few seconds later and Peter was looking Y/N in the eyes again. Same hoodie covering her head, same sad brown eyes. Her eyes widened and she closed the door a little more than it had been before.

“What are you doing here?” she asked harshly.

Peter was taken aback at her tone and stuttered on his words. “Sorry, I just…I…I heard…”

“You heard what?” she hissed. He didn’t respond, but when Y/N looked behind her and back to Peter, he got a glimpse of something on her cheek that looked like a bruise or something of the sort. His eyebrows scrunched up. “Peter, you really can’t be here. Like I said last time, must have been the wind. Please leave. Now.”

The door opened fully after the statement left her mouth and Peter was faced with the guy he had run into last week in the elevator. Andy. “Nooo,” he drew out. “Who’s your friend?” He eyed Peter up and down.

Peter puffed out his chest slightly, feeling challenged. “No one, Andy. He just lives here and was leaving.”

“Doesn’t look like he’s leaving,” he spoke, still staring Peter down. “Didn’t I see you come up here last week?”

Peter looked at Y/N. Her eyes pleaded with him to not make it worse than he already had. His heart broke for her, but he couldn’t do anything in this moment. “She’s right, I was just leaving.” Peter turned away and walked towards the stair exit instead of the potential risk of the elevator not still being on 2 and having to wait for it. He heard the door close and he listened for a few seconds.

“Who was that? Is that who you’re sleeping with behind my back? Andy yelled.

“I’m not cheating on you Andy! Please, I love you! I would never do that.” Peter left before he heard anything else. She loved him? How the hell could she love someone who’s beating her? What the hell was wrong with Andy! Putting his hands on her like that. Wonder if anyone would be mad if Spiderman took care of him.

Peter angrily flopped onto his bed and he reveled in the silence. He wondered if Andy had left and hoped that Y/N was alone and not dealing with that bullshit anymore. He let his head fill with thoughts as he drifted to sleep, worrying about the beautiful girl living in terror above him.

It was Tuesday and Peter had just gotten home from seeing a movie with Ned. He was glad to hear there was no yelling above him, but he could hear the slight creaking of the floor in the bedroom above him. She was home. He didn’t want to face her after Sunday. It was an awful realization he had come to, even though he seemed to have already known what was going on.

He flipped through his music collection and turned on his speaker. His heart was heavy once again and even though he couldn’t face her, he wanted her to know he was still there for her. Lean on me began to play out of his speaker, quite loudly. He knew she could hear it as the creaking suddenly stopped. He assumed she was trying to hear the music.

It was hard on him, seeing this girl in this situation and not being able to help her. He could always help people. He was Spiderman for Christ’s sake. He wondered how many other Peter Parker problems his other self wouldn’t be able to help him with. He thought about all the people who had problems that they solely on their own had to deal with. It made him sick. No one deserves all the terrible things that happen in the world and it sucks when those terrible things are purposely caused by other humans who know pain too. How fucked was life.

Another day, another project complete for the young Avenger. Peter was exhausted and couldn’t wait to get home and immediately sleep. He was walking into his complex right now and was thinking of sleep so hard that he almost missed the ball of a human sat in front of his door.

He stopped in his tracks, not knowing what was going on. “Um, hello there,” he spoke.

The head of curls snapped up and he saw the eyes he had come to admire so dearly, still red. “Oh, hi Peter. Sorry, I was just waiting for you.” She stood up, fixing her clothing.

“How long have you been here?”

She shrugged and rubbed her hoodie covered arms. “I lost track after a few hours.” It was now 2 am and Peter couldn’t believe she’d been out here since at least 12am.

He put his bag down and walked closer to her. “Are you okay? What’s going on?”

She wiped her eyes, tears now flowing more than before. “I heard your music last week. It was nice.”

“It was for you,” he spoke.

She sniffled. “I figured. I didn’t want to assume, but it seemed like something I could.”

Peter looked down. “Look, I know I don’t have all the facts. I jut want you to know that I’m here for you, no matter what’s going on. I was afraid to see you after Sunday, but I still wanted to let you know that, hence the music.”

Y/N nodded and smiled softly. “Thank you, Peter. It’s good to have someone who cares. It’s just that everyone has their opinion, and no one gets how hard it is for me even without their unsolicited comments.”

“Y/N listen to me. I don’t know you that well, obviously. But I’m not lying when I say you’re always welcome to come in. You could stay for an hour, two, however long, if you ever need a friend. If that’s all you want me to do to help you, I’ll do it. I want to do right by you. We can talk about whatever’s going on when you’re ready, but until you are, you’re right. I’ve been hearing the wind and I’ve accepted it.”

Peter was embraced in a hug and he hesitantly hugged back. It was warm and he didn’t want to let go of the girl within his hold. He’d never felt this strongly or this protectively over anyone and he couldn’t explain it. Something about this girl latched onto his heart and he couldn’t get it loose.

“Thank you so much Peter,” she spoke sincerely.

“Anytime, Y/N.”

#peter parker #spiderman #peter parker imagine #peter parker one shot #peter parker abuse #peter parker avenger #older peter parker #adult peter parker #abuse #tw abuse #tw: abuse

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gayagendaofficial · 5 years

Note

Wait, what’s gay lingo? Like, what does twink, bear, etc. mean?

I AM SO GLAD YOU ASKED!

Before I get into actually defining these terms, I’d like to write about a few things:

So this is probably in reference to this post I made. Not to explain the joke to death, but that’s exactly what I’m about to do. I wanted to make fun of how people who aren’t mlm think they know what mlm terms like “twink” and “bear” mean and how they blatantly use them incorrectly everywhere, because they think they’re funny (bc gay men are a joke, right? //sarcasm), or because it makes them look “woke”. It’s an idea I had for the longest time when I saw something a str8 woman wrote about Zac Efron being a twink, in the present. Like yes, Zac Efron was a twink, past tense, but he is absolutely not a twink anymore (if you can even call a str8 man a twink). And she also implied that being a twink is something you can’t outgrow, which is laughable, because it’s kind of a meme among gay men that being a twink is something you grow out of whether you like it or not.

This mostly seems to be a problem among cishet women, since cishet men tend to be too concerned with their “masculinity” to touch gay culture. But since this is tumblr and virtually none of you are cishet, a lot of the times I’ve seen people misuse these terms on this site were LGBT+ people who weren’t themselves mlm. In those cases, the reasons seem more that these people are just misinformed, and they use these terms because mlm use these terms, and we share a community. Part of it comes from the fact that wlw might see the terms “twink” and “bear” as analogous to “femme” and “butch” respectively, which is not true in the slightest (Butch and femme are their own complex thing. What they actually have in common with twink and bear is that few outside their communities actually know what they mean lol). Another reason might be that other LGBT people see mlm using these terms sarcastically and think they’re being used in earnest; if an actual gay man calls a bodybuilder a twink, he’s probably being sarcastic, and also probably trying to insult him (which is a whole can of worms I’ll open up in a bit).

I’m gonna try to define what “twink”, “bear”, and a couple of other terms actually mean, as well as give a little bit of context to how they’re used and controversy surrounding these identities within gay spaces, partially based on my experience as a gay man and partially based on casual research. I’m just one gay man, and I’m not an expert in queer studies or anything, so take from that what you will. I hope this will be useful to mlm who are just discovering their identities and exploring their sexuality/gender, who are new to the community, and I also hope to inform our siblings elsewhere in the LGBT community. This info could also be useful to cishet allies, although please be mindful of your intentions in using these terms.

Anywho, lets get to the definitions:

A twink is a young, smooth, slim mlm. The definition here is generally seen as being pretty strict on those 3 criteria, although “twink” is sometimes used for older mlm who are skinny and don’t have much body hair. Those last two criteria are the most important, because there are other categories for mlm that fit one of the criteria; an otter is essentially twink + bodyhair, and there’s a whole host of other words for other body types.

The definition of “bear” is a little more flexible than “twink”, although it generally comes down to the inverses of those same 3 criteria. The most important of these is the bodyhair requirement; any definition you find of bear includes something about being hairy. Almost as important as bodyhair is body type, although “bear” covers a slightly larger range than twink in that regard. Usually, “bear” indicates that someone is large or plus-sized, although it can also sometimes be used to describe someone who is muscular in the sense that they are beefy (if you can see a 6 pack, he’s probably not a bear). It’s also sometimes associated with being slightly older, but that’s not nearly as important, and “bear” can refer to any age. The term “cub” refers to mlm with the same body type as a bear, but who are smooth and young.

Now, let’s get into some misconceptions/controversies surrounding these terms. The first of these is that twink and bear are the only two options, and that all mlm fall into one of these two categories, or that other terms are simply variations on those two main terms. This misconception is really only one held by people who aren’t mlm themselves (or are, but are only just learning the terminology). These terms are extremely specific, and the fact of the matter is that the vast majority of mlm don’t fit into either of these categories. And that’s ok! There are a ton of other words mlm use to describe themselves. I’ve already mentioned “otter” and “cub”; there’s also “jock”, which refers to muscular mlm; “wolf”, which also refers to muscular mlm, but specifically hairy ones (with a bit of overlap with the “beefier bears” I mentioned earlier); the relatively new term “twunk” which you may know from this video as “a combination twink and hunk”; and many many more. In addition, all of these categories are really just physical descriptions of your body, and don’t have any bearing on anything else. You don’t need to fit into any of them.

That being said, there are a number of stereotypes associated with these terms, and it is important to address them.

Our next misconception is one that’s as common among mlm as as it is among everyone else: that twinks are by definition fem, and bears are by definition masc. “Masc” and “fem”, short for masculine and feminine respectively, come with their own host of problems, and that is a can of worms that I am not going to open up right now. This post is long enough as it is. If you want the sparknotes version of the controversy surrounding the masc-fem dichotomy, it basically boils down to misogyny, transphobia, and internalized homophobia. But back to twinks and bears: I would like to assume that it’s obvious that your body type or bodyhair has absolutely no impact on your personal presentation of gender. There are plenty of fem bears and masc twinks. But unfortunately, most people don’t seem to get this. And this super important, because the gendered way we think of these terms affects everything else I’ll be talking about in the remainder of this post.

My next point, which is really and observation based on my experience in the gay community, is that bear as a term seems to be much less… loaded. However, being a twink myself, there might be a gap in my personal experience, so any bears feel free to correct me. However, from what I’ve seen, “bear” isn’t really used as an insult in the way “twink” is. Which is a bit of a miracle, considering how prevalent fat-shaming is in the gay community. From what I’ve seen, bear isn’t a term that’s forced on you, it’s a term that bears choose for themselves, almost always in a positive way. It’s a term associated with body positivity, and bear communities seem to be much less toxic than the gay community as a whole. Even when it’s used to describe someone else, it’s always a neutral statement of fact. I don’t think I’ve ever seen it used as an insult, or even sarcastically. The worst I’ve seen of it is that it’s used as a porn category, which contributes to the fetishization of fat people; but then again, twink and jock are also porn categories, so it would be weird for bear not to be. This isn’t to suggest that bears are treated better than anyone else in the gay community, if anything they’re treated worse; just that the word “bear” itself has neutral to positive connotations. (Again, any bears correct me on this if you’ve seen it used negatively!)

Twink, on the other hand, is absolutely used as an insult, and frequently. And while this may sometimes be harmless, more often than not it’s really problematic. If you’re plus-sized and you use twink as an insult in the same vein that Nicki Minaj said “fuck the skinny bitches”, that’s completely fine. Twinks are seen as being desirable (if they behave a certain way; more on that later), so effectively it’s punching up instead of punching down. However, a good 95% of the time that “twink” is used as an insult, it really comes from one of the many stereotypes that all essentially boil down to the idea that twinks are fem. And the idea that being fem is inherently bad and insult worthy is, once again, rooted in misogyny, transphobia, and internalized homophobia.

This association between twinks and femininity also has a lot of scary implications on the beauty standards twinks are held to. I’ve noticed that twinks fill a niche in the gay community that is similar to the role cis women are supposed to fill in western culture as large, and that we’re only seen as sexually valuable if we perform the same behaviors and meet the same beauty standards that are typically reserved for women. We’re bottoms by default, submissive both in and out of the bedroom (yes I actually am a sub bottom, but that’s beside the point). We’re supposed to maintain a completely smooth, hairless appearance; a shaved ass is the bare minimum of hygiene. I once met a guy on grindr who demanded that I be completely hairless everywhere beneath my eyelashes, and while that’s a bit extreme, he was by no means an outlier. Just today I talked to a guy who wanted me hairless between my neck and knees. We’re often seen as vapid and stupid, and infantilization of twinks is rampant (some guys put way too much emphasis on the young part of the definition). And, to cap it all off, there’s the racism! Who’d’a thunk that all forms of oppression are connected? (sarcasm). Twinks can of course be any race, but the ones you’ll see men on grindr going after the most are white or light-skinned Asian twinks. Combine that with stereotypes of Black, Latino, and Middle Eastern men as dominant and aggressive, and you have a whole slew of white supremacist ideas painted over with a thin coat of gay porn. (mlm of color who’d like to add or correct me on anything, please do so!)

I’ll end this already long post with a comparatively brief discussion on who these terms apply to. Basically, if you’re an mlm and you fit the definition of “twink” or “bear”, congratulations! You’re a twink/bear! “Can bi men use these terms?” Of course! “What about trans men?” Are you attracted to men and male-aligned people? Then of course! That last one might be controversial to some cis gays, and to that I say fuck right off. However, it does get a bit muddier with trans women and transfem nonbinary people and the word twink. Trans women are absolutely not mlm, but many of them have been a part of mlm communities for a long time, often before they even realized they were trans, and some may be reluctant to give up the word twink (I haven’t seen this for bear, although again, lmk if you’ve seen evidence to the contrary). And on top of that, a lot of cis men looking to have sex with trans women conflate trans women and cis twinks. Because remember what I said about twinks filling the niche of women? It’s often a niche they share with trans women, except trans women have it even worse, because they are actually women. My two cents is, if a trans woman wants to refer to herself as a twink, she’s more than welcome to. Just don’t go around calling trans women “twinks” unless they specifically say you can; it’s a gendered term, you are misgendering them, and, once again, you can fuck right off. (trans women also please comment if you want!)

Well, anon, I bet you weren’t expecting a post this long. At least I hope y’all learned something! Be gay do crimes!

#mlm #twink #bear #gay #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbt+#lgbtq+#gay culture #ask #anon #sfw #long post #transphobia //#misogyny //#racism //#fatphobia //

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waraupiero · 6 years

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Hello, I'm very interested in your view on Uta/Yomo friendship, what do you think about their dynamics? I don't ship them but would be down with it in canon. Their intimacy is palpable in the manga, and it was portrayed in such subtle, quiet ways up to the newest chapter, that last panel honestly made me #shook even tho it was to be expected eventually :/

hey!!

i agree! if you look at how their friendship is largely depicted, it’s fairly lowkey and understated. sometimes it doesn’t seem like they’re all that close. heck, yomo even avoids admitting outright that they’re friends. however, there are little pockets in the story, in which they’re honest with each other, and it seems like their friendship is fairly significant to the both of them, and so i feel like their dynamic is still going to embody the whole ‘can’t live with you, can’t live without you’ philosophy.

i think the easier place to start when discussing their friendship is probably yomo, since he talks more about his relationship with uta than uta does about his with yomo, and is also more straightforward in his motivations. in the infamous drunk!yomo omake of volume 12, yomo waxes poetic about his friendship with uta and itori. he admits that he cares about them and that their support means a lot to him, and that he wants to talk to them more so they can better understand one another.

so, i feel like mutual understanding is something that yomo’s been hoping to get at with uta (and itori), but he doesn’t quite get the chance because 1. so many things are happening, they’re all understandably busy and occupied with other things, and 2. yomo doesn’t feel confident in his ability to communicate with them. i think that definitely factors into his attitude towards uta in the newest chapter. like many other bloggers have said, it’s sort of an inevitable build up of events, given that the three of them have kind of been operating separately since the clowns started taking the offensive, and none of them have (presumably) communicated their aims and ideology. of course he’s not going to understand. he’s going to be going into this fight as the challenger for this reason – he’s the one asking the questions.

certainly, yomo values his friendship with uta; however, i feel like with the events that have unfolded around yomo, he’s extra sensitive to protecting his family first and foremost. for him, the purpose of his life is to protect his remaining family, and the clowns’ plans definitely do not spare touka, ayato, kaneki, and anyone else in goat/anteiku/:re. i feel like yomo’s only turned a more-or-less blind eye to uta and itori’s membership within the clowns because it hasn’t threatened his family until just about now. so, even if he doesn’t necessarily want to fight his friend, i feel like yomo would definitely do it if it meant keeping his family safe.

uta’s relationship with yomo is a little more complex. i think it’s fundamentally rooted in uta’s fear of loneliness, along with boredom. uta has always been in sort of an ‘outsider’ position – he’s either removed from the action, or he’s so powerful that no one else can challenge him (thus making him also alone). he’s constantly trying to balance between the freedom that being at the fringes affords him, and the loneliness that a position too extreme would bring. his friendship with yomo is a rare thing for him – someone who is around as strong as he is, and also someone who is his age whom he could talk to and form connections with.

yomo pretty much becomes uta’s connection to the twentieth ward, which is kind of where most of the action is centered – that’s important to uta’s projected agenda of ‘being involved’. thanks to yomo, uta is able to observe everything from both perspectives; it gives him information and insight that is not available to anyone else in the series, except perhaps itori, who both collects information as an information broker and also visits yomo at anteiku/:re (though not as visibly frequently as uta does. uta does it so frequently that even nico notes it).

though if yomo offers uta both company as a friend and also connections to other ghouls and the flip side of the conflict, why would uta reject that and ally himself fully with the clown cause instead of dancing along the edges? what is in it for him with the clowns?

frankly, i think he does it just because he can.

in his rooftop conversation with donato in tg:re chapter 116, uta confesses that he’s excited by the idea of unpredictability and pushing someone off an edge. although he’s not technically speaking about yomo in this scene, i feel like it could be applied pretty well to yomo’s situation as well. yomo has been one of the most stable/stagnant characters since the beginning of kaneki’s story. he hasn’t been forced to reevaluate himself or reorient his understanding of something like other characters have been. uta would definitely be interested in pushing yomo just to see what’ll happen. he’s aware that he himself might be injured or killed in the process (re- ‘i myself might vanish’), but he’s willing to gamble just to see what happens, and so he plays along with the clowns.

i think his exchange here with donato is significant. uta tries to relate donato to himself, and it’s true that their roles in this upcoming chapter are very similar: both uta and donato are the ‘bad’ guys who are fighting ‘good’ people close to them. the fandom expects donato’s fight with amon to lead to amon coming to terms with being a ghoul and release his suppressed emotions regarding being a ghoul and also donato (i mean, if ishida doesn’t do this, then what is the point of this conflict); uta is similarly prodding yomo, and even if their fight does not change yomo significantly (i think it will; but all things considered yomo has really firmly rooted personal purpose and philosophy, and is less emotionally vulnerable to uta than amon is to donato) it will change their relationship and perhaps be a deciding factor in which way the clowns’ war will lean.

yet despite their similar roles, donato states that he is not quite like uta. i think this implies that uta is more affected by his loneliness than maybe one would expect. i don’t think anything uta has done thus far suggests any particular sentimentality (if anyone has shown sentimentality about this friendship, it’s drunk!yomo), but donato may be picking up more than others would (i’m willing to scrap this up to him being a priest and being able to read people much better than most). uta’s sentimentality regarding his loneliness would definitely impact the upcoming fight, and i’m inclined to think that he won’t want it to end his friendship with yomo.

he already expressed that he did not want yomo to die, because yomo is his friend. even though it would be better for the clowns to just let yomo die, he doesn’t think according to what best benefits the clowns; uta’s always thinking about what’s gonna be best for himself. having yomo dead is definitely something that would be pretty detrimental to him. i think he’s more invested in keeping this friendship alive than yomo is, and he’s definitely not loyal enough to the clowns to execute their agenda over his own wishes.

(well, as far as we know. we don’t know if there’s more in it for uta in the clowns than he’s let on. but i don’t feel like uta’s the type of guy to have a particular political agenda or leaning. he seems to just follow whatever is the most fun for him, and if it doesn’t suit him anymore, he’ll just leave without a thought about what’ll happen after. he’s certainly done that before, leaving his position as the leader of the fourth ward. i can’t even begin to imagine how much trouble that power vacuum must have incurred)

however important yomo may be to uta, uta’s definitely not all that torn up about fighting his friend, though. uta treats all of this like a game, and he’s excited to finally play for once. i feel like he’s definitely been bored in the past few arcs in tg:re – he hasn’t found a worthy opponent in hirako, juuzou, or mutsuki. he kind of just toys with them instead of fighting them. but with yomo, uta has the opportunity to finally go all out, and scratch that decade-old itch of his.

it must be so exciting to fight yomo. yomo is the pebble who disturbs uta’s pond of autocracy in the fourth ward; no one before yomo has been able to match uta. so yomo is special to uta, first of all as the first person who could possibly beat him. now this possibility is made all the better with the experience that the two of them have built up in ten years, and also their closeness with one another would make for a dangerous fight. throughout the years, yomo has gotten the opportunity to study all of uta’s moves, ticks, patterns (if he has any), and resolve/attitude; and uta has a similar advantage over yomo. a rematch of their fight from the fourth ward would be the most entertaining, so yeah he’s on board!

finally, he gets the chance to either push yomo off the edge, or fall from his own perch. either way it may end poorly for him, but he can’t resist the challenge. he’s only been able to resist the challenge with the promise of something better – he would have loved to fight yomo to the death in the fourth ward, but he stops because friendship seemed a far better option for him. but if yomo’s resolved to fight him … he wouldn’t back down from the offer. though, i think uta has a lot more at stake than yomo does, and that’s always sort of been the case with their friendship. uta has a lot more to lose if he loses yomo; yomo has relatively little to lose if he loses uta. so, i don’t think uta will go as far as to kill yomo.

the greatest hardship of their relationship is that uta and yomo’s natures mix together like water and oil. uta’s tendency towards chaos and self-indulgence is definitely at odds with yomo’s preference towards structure and service. but that’s what makes their interactions so interesting – despite the fact that they’re vastly different people, they’re able to find a friend in the other person. despite everything, they help each other out, care about each other, and support each other. differences do not divide people; you may find meaning and significance in the person you least expect to find it in. it’s quite the compelling narrative.

uta and yomo find it difficult to exist around each other without bumping elbows, but at the same time losing the other person would be a significant hit whether they want to admit it or not. although they can’t perhaps understand the feelings, motivations, or logic of the other person, life without them suddenly becomes difficult. ‘i cannot live with you nor without you’; i think that definitely speaks towards uta’s perspective on his relationship with yomo. itori also describes their friendship as ‘undesirable but inseparable’. i couldn’t find a more suitable way to put it. i can’t wait for more development on yomo-uta-itori friendship in the upcoming chapter.

i think this upcoming fight is going to be a way for yomo and uta to at least work towards some kind of understanding. itori may also be involved; or at least i’m hoping that she will (because i love her). although yomo is not great with words, he channels a lot of his emotions and beliefs into his fighting (and communicates that way), as we can see in the two yomo v. arima fights. i’d actually say that the foundation for yomo and uta’s relationship is kind of built upon the ‘conversation’ they’ve been having through their fights in the fourth ward, and this is kind of a continuation of that old, partially resolved (through the power of friendship!) conflict. although i do love the unusual way that uta and yomo’s friendship just works because they’ve looked past their differences and supported each other unconditionally, forcing them to reexamine their differences will definitely be super exciting and i’m looking forward to some new revelations about the fourth ward trio. the return of the old rival dynamic between yomo and uta – with yomo playing the role of a swooping bird of prey and uta a spider ‘defending’ his own space – is definitely something i’ve been not so secretly looking forward to as well.

#ren.txt #tg meta #sorry this was so long!! thank you for asking this question it was really fun to try and unpack!!#if there's anything you'd like me to elaborate on feel free to let me know!!#uta #yomo renji #renji yomo #tokyo ghoul #ウタ #四方 #グール

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shcotingstar · 6 years

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what’s up, i’m blossom, i go by any pronouns, and am currently in the est timezone ! i got benched for a week today, but at least soon i get to get a little bit closer to my goal of taking a shot in every country, so there’s that ! i’m really not that interesting or funny, but sometimes i say dumb things & people think i’m joking ! that’s all there’s to know about me. FIND HER PINTEREST HERE.

moving to the main attraction: andy ! the world’s piss poor job of a psychic. i’m extremely excited for her, and hope you come to be, too ! check under the cut for a short bio & some wanted connections.

( LANA CONDOR, GENDERFLUID, SHE/HE/THEY ) — ✧ that looks like ANDROMEDA ISLEY-QUINZEL! they’re the TWENTY-ONE-YEAR-OLD CHILD of PAMELA ISLEY & HARLEEN QUINZEL (ADOPTED). [ they are also an UNDERGRAD at paragon. ] i hear they’re DEBONAIR & GREGARIOUS, but tend to be CALLOUS & RANCOROUS. their file says that their power is PRECOGNITION.

tw : ( parental ) death, ( family ) abuse, blood ment, teen pregnancy, dissociation ( sort of ), mentions of depression

born on a blistering gotham day, andromeda was the child of a sixteen-year-old heiress with a long string of bad choices behind her. she was seen as an inconvenience, a stain on their family’s spotless reputation.

she was very barely tolerated in her own home. any fraction of disobedience or insolence was seen as ungratefulness. she was constantly having her mother’s actions thrown against her, even at such a young age.

but andy didn’t let it break her spirit. she worked harder, trying to reach a goal she couldn’t even see. she was put into ballet when she was only four-years-old, a sort of penance.

she was not good at it — she excelled. by the time she was seven, ballet was the only thing she did that got her the attention she so desperately craved. but between practices, when she knew she wasn’t going to get caught ( because andromeda was armed with the knowledge that it would definitely get torn from her perfectly painted nails ), she would draw.

pencils and markers and anything that she could get her hands on. she’d create collages sometimes, or flowers, men made of hearts & women made of smoke. she made universes with strokes of a brush.

it’s then it happens. she’s seven & has a rehearsal in a few days and that’s all that matters in her life. not school, nor health, nor sleep. just practice. a part of her knows this is wrong. that she’s a kid, that she’s not supposed to be working this hard for a dream that’s starting to seem unreal, but she ignores it. thoughts like that go nowhere in her life.

it’s almost like a dream. one moment she is sitting, eating dinner with her grandparents, her mother gone ( as she frequently is these days ), and she looks up to her grandmother for a flit of an eye, then away. suddenly, she is gasping, filled with mental images that aren’t fitting to what she knows the bands of her imagination to be.

❝ blood, ❞ she says, reeling, the word coming out before she even means it to, ❝ why are your hands covered in blood ? bà, why are your hands covered in blood ? ❞ her grandmother, of course, demands to know what she means, and when andy tells her she does not know, sends her away, back to her room without finishing dinner on the promise she gets some rest.

two nights later, in the middle of the night, her grandparents get an urgent call from the hospital with words of andy’s mother and an accident. she’d be in a passenger in the car of a drunk driver, and upon impact into another vehicle, had been thrown from the car and through the windshield.

by the time they get there, it is too late. they barge into the room, doctor’s standing all around, grim eyes set to the floor. a moment of silence one sees only in movies.

andy can’t take her eyes off her mother’s, glazed and empty. she’s rooted in the stop. her grandmother, however, has no such qualms. she lunges forward, grabs onto her only daughter and yells for the doctor’s to do something, uselessly pressing to a wound that had caused her to bleed out.

it is only after the fact, hours later, after the bui family leaves the emergency room, goes home, that the night’s second tragedy occurs.

the door shuts, and andy walks on numb feet towards the stairs. her eyes hurt from crying. she wasn’t close with her. her mother had not been much of a mother at all, never showing her interest or even bare minimum affection. but she was a kind, sensitive person, and the thought of her being gone hurt so badly.

( and though andy refuses to admit it to herself. there’s a nagging part of her head that knew this was going to happen. that saw it coming in a way she does not understand. )

her grandmother turns on her, looking so tired, but there’s something behind her eyes that scares the younger of the two. it looks like hatred. like fear. ❝ what are you ? ❞ she hisses. ❝ what have you done with my cháu ? meant to lead us astray ? how did you know ? ❞

andromeda has been so upset, she hadn’t noticed, but now she does. her grandmother’s hands are covered in blood, just like she had said. it doesn’t feel like some sort of coincidence.

vile is spewed at her. accusations she cannot begin to wrap her head around. there’s only so many times one can deny something without sounding uncertain, and the truth is that andy has no idea either how she knew that. she tries to explain, but all she does is further prove how much of an outsider she is. something evil. something to pray against.

they put her up for adoption the day after, and andy never gets to go to the funeral. she bounces around after that, and by a fated chance, lands in the arms of the isley-quinzels when she’s only nine.

they meet her as andromeda rosalie, the kid with the 100-watt smile with pockets of sunshine to hand out. maybe a bit sad in the eyes, and a bit too willing to speak her mind, but it all adds to the endearing qualities.

andy instantaneously grows attached with the smallest bit of preference towards harley, though she’s eternally grateful for them both. she’s adopted only a few months after that, but it isn’t until she’s eleven does she tell her family about that thing in her head.

she sits them all down, laying it all down as it as, and as she knows it. she calls it her ‘ khùng ‘ ( vietnamese for crazy ). she doesn’t think of it like it is but hopes they can understand. and she tells them even more, things she never admitted out loud.

about how she gets dreams and flashes of pictures and sometimes she sees people she knows aren’t real, but none of it ever makes sense until it’s too late. andy shows them pictures in her sketchbook, the nice one harley & pamela bought her, the kind she drew in that state. she tells them the meaning behind the ones she can.

the thorns she drew before an upsettingly ended friendship. the mirrors in the practice room of her new dance academy before she even stepped inside. the long tidal wave she drew in such a hurried frevor the day before being overcome with an overpowering cold.

andromeda is expecting the worst. but she knows she can never live here with these amazing people who help her and don’t push her in bad ways if she can’t tell them her secret. she understands they will want to see her gone, too, but it doesn’t make it any easier.

but. they aren’t angry. happy, rather, that she felt comfortable enough to tell them. and entirely willing to help andy understand herself better, and what’s going on better. her mutation. the one thing she had never considered.

without the weight of it so pressing, now knowing she has her family’s support, andromeda is a new person. she is finally given time to grow up, at her pace, and does it in every way she can. tries thousands of things she wasn’t allowed back when she was younger. she never quite realized how much of the world she was kept from.

she gets enrolled into dance academy and learns to enjoy ballet without having to constantly focus on the idea of being the best. she takes art classes on the side, grows a collection of brushes and paints and pencils.

she always paints and draws in color, but when her visions come over her, it’s in black and white. she doesn’t like to think about it, though.

she’s widely surrounded by the sort of degenerates you grow used to living in gotham, but it’s not a lifestyle that she’s ever given much thought to. she rather enjoys focusing on her hobbies, more so than causing trouble.

when andromeda gets into her teenage years, she’s attracted all kinds of attention. an overachiever & a generally beautiful person, especially with such an interesting power ― that’s what they all think of precognition. the bags under her eyes, the days of worry, the chronic migraines do not speak for themself.

along the line, she’s dubbed shooting star. affectionate, at heart, but she hears this: one day she’s going to burn up in the atmosphere. andromeda chooses to take it, run with it, wears it like a brand. she calls it her secret identity.

she’s told that in a week, it won’t matter anymore. she’ll get over it. she doesn’t.

after graduating from the academy, she takes a gap year. she calls it her forgotten year, but only to herself. she makes up elaborate stories of a string of parisian lovers and rowboating in bangladesh and a beautiful mountain in ireland.

the truth: she doesn’t remember half of it. she remembers taking a plane to europe. backpacking towards north. for months at a time, it fades out. she remembers waking up in spain in a room covered in finished canvas. zoning back in at a cafe in the netherlands with pages of her calendar missing. this is the year she learns to fear her powers.

she forces herself to go home, or at least the next best thing. paragon, double majoring in art and dance, trying to keep herself busy. andy isn’t interested in slacking, is just trying to stay awake.

soon after that, she meets them. her first real relationship. to this day, she calls them her first love in her head. it burns fast and bright, and after they end it, she’s heartbroken. rejection isn’t something she can deal with without an entire relapse in personality.

she’s told she’ll get over it in a week. it’s been five years.

andy starts looking for love in places it’s not. she wears her heart proudly on her sleeve, the perfect place for the thieves of gotham to pick it off. she falls in love with a new face every day. she’s never interested longer than a week.

it’s the kind of activity that gains a reputation. it only cheers her on.

when her brother dies, things change. andromeda’s convinced she should have known. if she could only understand her powers, maybe she would have been able to do something. if she could try harder, she’d be able to figure it out, before it’s too late.

she’s so tired of it always being too late.

but she’s spent years covering her sadness, so much so her friends become worried for her mental state even during such clear tough times, and it’s ugly and it’s terrifying, but it’s the only thing she had. during it, she took more time away.

a part of her wanted to be gone again. she went the latin america this time. brazil, then venezuela, and then colombia. but she doesn’t stay gone long. she doesn’t make peace with it, either, but she can’t let herself fall any deeper. it feels like it’s been years since she’s felt like herself.

by the time she gets back to paragon, so is quin. she doesn’t believe it at first, but soon realizes it makes sense. she’s been drawing amorphophallus titanums for days. corpse plants.

she gets back into the swing of things. starts painting in color again, for her, not whatever has been eating at her that day. she’s starting to feel a bit more human again. a lit less like something being controlled.

widely known as ‘ the dramatic one, ‘ andromeda is overly friendly with her same old love fever attitude. she makes friends of all types, as well as enemies, and even does a few palm readings on the side.

wanted connections :

best friend ! someone who she gets along with more than complacent fakeness. someone who gets her a bit more than she’d probably like. someone who gets it.

exes ! she has literal LITERAL hundreds. a new one each week, she’s the type to string someone on, but when she’s doing it she devotes the passion of a thousand suns to every molecule of their being.

gotham kid ! a person who knew that interesting little human with the sense of naivety that only creeps up on her sometimes these days. whether she enjoyed their presence or not, or even knew them before becoming an isley-quinzel, there’s plenty to work with.

something precog-y ! maybe, for once, she got it right, or at the very least tried to forewarn. or maybe she played it for kicks and gave them a fake as hell psychic reading for shits and giggles. dealer's choice.

anything else ! i’m always done for plotting, and you can message me here or at discord @ 2857.

#sidekick.intro #* ━━ ◤ ᵀᴿᴱᴹᴮᴸᴵᴺᴳ ᴮᴱᶠᴼᴿᴱ ʸᴼᵁᴿ ᴼᵂᴺ ᴳᴿᴱᴬᵀᴺᴱˢˢ / isms . ◢

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lifeispaynefultruth-blog · 6 years

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Gun Control: From a Modern American Understanding

The topic of gun control seems a difficult one to discuss here in the United States. This is most likely due to the fact that it, like many other politically-charged issues, can so quickly turn into an argument that an educated discussion seems unattainable (and in certain respects undesirable). The incident that inspired me to write this essay occurred a few weeks ago, when myself and some co-workers discussed this topic on a slow night at work. This had been just after a mass shooting, and as soon as gun control was brought up, the nature of discussion quickly changed. The air (which had been lush with a friendly carefree tone just minutes earlier) became heated with the toxicity of political narratives. Friends turned on one another, finding that they had different opinions on the subject, and ultimately, no ground was gained. At the end of it all, we went back to our respective departments without learning any new facts, evolving our own perspectives, or even agreeing to disagree. All that occurred was a reinforcement of a reality which we already knew. This is an uncomfortable topic, so let’s not discuss this anymore. This is the problem we face in the United States regarding this issue. The discussion is not a comfortable one to be had, therefore we will not have it in order to maintain a sense of civility. And what makes this thought process so overwhelming is that it’s a relatively reasonable conclusion to draw, isn’t it? If a conversation cannot be had civilly, then it should not be had. In other words, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all” just like our parents told us. But this can’t be the end of the discussion. This conversation is too important to not be had, so what do we do? Well, if the conversation is uncomfortable and if it doesn’t get us anywhere, it seems to me that we simply need to change the conversation. Unfortunately, we look at this issue through a political lens, rather than a (for lack of a better word) common sense perspective. This means that there is an “us” against “them” mentality depending on what side of the political spectrum you may fall on. In order for a productive discussion to be had, however, these bipartisan shackles must be thrown off and replaced with open minds and honest mouths. That is to say that it is important for everyone to understand that just because you may hold certain beliefs, it doesn’t make them true. You are a human being that is capable of making mistakes, therefore your beliefs must always be subject to change. Additionally, it’s important to understand that even if you take an opposing view to others, they have legitimate points. Just because you think someone else is wrong in their conclusion doesn’t necessarily mean that the premise of their argument is also wrong. They have a reason for believing what they believe, and you have a responsibility to understand that reasoning if your goal is to achieve clarity. This is the mindset with which I came into this essay, and I believe it is the mindset that we all must have if this issue is ever honestly discussed in this country.

In the spirit of this newfound open-mindedness, I turned to the NRA. I typically find this group to be dishonest and disagreeable, but I approached them with a new perspective and an open mind. In the article, “When Gun Control Fails” by Awr Hawkins, Hawkins discusses multiple incidents where gun control did not succeed in preventing gun deaths. Among the incidents cited were some fairly recognizable ones, including the Sandy Hook massacre, the Aurora movie theater shooting, the San Bernardino shooting, and the Orlando Pulse shooting. Hawkins makes a good point in stating that, in all these attacks, the shooter legally possessed a weapon. This means that, in all of the incidents mentioned (aside for the Sandy Hook shooting, where Adam Lanza did not actually own the guns used, but got them from a law-abiding gun owner), the shooter in question followed the assigned guidelines including background checks, gun restrictions, and legal carrying permits, yet lives were still lost. To Hawkins’ credit, this is a good point, and to most proponents of gun control legislation, it is a fact that none want brought up. However, I don’t think Hawkins realized that he might as well have been making an argument for the “left” (his words, not mine), which is the opposite of what he was actually trying to do. In stating that gun control as it currently exists does not work, he reaches the conclusion that the “left” (again, this is the “them” in his argument) simply wants control of gun owners. He does not state why or how this control would benefit them, however. I guess this is left to the reader’s imagination. One can easily see how some might imagine guns being taken by a tyrannical left-wing government in a dystopian future, however. This is where the dishonesty of this article lies. Not in the facts, but in what he implies by them. Not only is he stating that gun control doesn’t work (which I’ve already stated he has legitimate evidence for), but he is also arguing that it is dangerous and harmful to gun owners, which he has no evidence for. However, if you think about his claim, it can just as easily be an argument for the opposing side to his views. What he’s really saying in his article is that gun control, in its current iteration, does not go far enough. There may be flaws in the current system of background checks that do not get considered. Additionally, there may be other methods of gun control utilized to prevent gun deaths in ways that the Democratic Party, or the “left” as Hawkins would say, has not considered. This is where I believe his logic to be flawed. The premise is most definitely there, gun control in the way that it currently exists did not work in the instances he described and it may even have more overarching flaws that need to be taken into account before it is instituted on a large scale. However, the idea of this tyrannical “left” seems to be an underlying boogeyman that Hawkins uses to sway his readers into closed-mindedness. His implications of dictatorship among unarmed citizens leaves much to be desired, and it is easy to see that this is an article written from the perspective of someone who is closed-minded to the ideas of others, rather than someone who is willing to compromise. Ultimately, this viewpoint is harmful to modern Americans.

Take this in contrast to the Vox article, “The research is clear: gun control saves lives” by German Lopez. Now granted, there is no article or author out there without bias (in fact my preference of this article as opposed to the previously mentioned NRA article could be a showing of my own bias) but consider the point the article makes. The piece in itself is a reaction to another piece written in The Washington Post about gun control (and more specifically, how the author of the Post piece, Leah Libresco, has changed her mind on gun control). The Post article claims that gun control in other countries cannot be contributed to their ban on certain weapons and other general measures taken to reduce the amount or lethality of the guns in those countries. Lopez argues against this, stating that no actual studies were cited in this article. Of course, due to this fact, Libresco is technically correct in stating that the decrease in gun deaths and mass shootings in these countries cannot be contributed to the increased gun control, but wise readers may be able to put two and two together. But an important point is made in this article, an honest point that does not leave the reader in suspense upon the lasting effects of gun control. With all the statistics and studies mentioned that prove the author’s point, there is one statement that at least reduces the impact of any supposed “liberal bias” in this piece. Towards the beginning of the article, Lopez claims that while gun control may be able to reduce the overall gun deaths of this country, they cannot be eliminated completely. This is, of course, something that gun owners and gun control advocates can most assuredly agree on. When shuffling through all of the misguided narratives and implications of underdeveloped thought from author to author, from article to article, we can still find a common ground, whether intentionally staked or otherwise. This is perhaps the greatest lesson the 21st century American reader may learn from modern media. In other words, it is quite obvious that narratives reveal unintentional truths about those that conjure them, but this does not always have to be seen in a negative light. Whether these two authors like it or not, and whether or not they would ever admit it to one another or to anyone else, they actually agree on something.

But this is the unsung truth of the gun control topic. When it is presented to the modern American, it is often done so under the guise of a debate. And this is a problem, because if you present the issue in this form, it implies that there are only two perspectives to this issue. It is an argument, not a dialogue. It’s “us” versus “them”. Pick a side and go to war. “Blast” the other side, “destroy” their opinions on social media. This is not only unproductive, it’s unhealthy. This sort of introduction to the issue at hand is manifested perfectly in the article, “Should More Gun Laws Be Enacted” of procon.org. In this article, the issue is presented at the top and followed by the “top” pro and con gun control arguments. This presents a dichotomy in thought that divides people and ideas, and I’d argue that it was written to do so. Some examples of arguments from the article are as follows on the pro side: “More gun control laws are needed to protect women from domestic abusers and stalkers”, “legally owned guns are frequently stolen and used by criminals”, and “more gun control leads to fewer suicides”. The headlines of these arguments speak for themselves. In fact, the description of these statements as ‘arguments’ speaks more than any information in the article ever could. This information is being presented in a way that is intentionally shaming gun owners, or people that don’t support gun control. The headlines might as well read: “You don’t want women to be abused by harmful spouses or raped on the street do you?”, or “You don’t want a psychopath stealing your gun and using it to shoot up a school do you?”, or “You don’t want to have someone in your household commit suicide do you?”. Provocative, eye-catching, and ultimately, ineffective. How are you supposed to get others to agree with you when you are basically stating that they should be ashamed of their behavior? This ultimately results not in compromise, but in reactionary counterarguments. A doubling down of beliefs that cause them to be solid and unmovable rather than fluid and ever-changing. This response can clearly be seen on the con side: “Gun control laws infringe upon the right to self-defense and deny people a sense of safety”, “Gun control laws will not prevent criminals from obtaining guns or breaking laws”, and “Gun control rates and lower gun ownership rates do not prevent suicides”. These are direct denouncements of pro-gun control claims, and they are a reaction to the shame implied upon gun control skeptics by them. It’s a strongly staked nuh-uh that is perpetuated not to denounce the claims of the opposing side, but rather to defend the actions of those denying the claims. For gun control skeptics, the argument is not made out of an attempt to persuade, it is made out of an attempt to defend their actions and beliefs as moral. And to gun control proponents, these arguments are maddening, because they are directly contradicted by evidence that was presented in their own argument. But because they are so set in their beliefs and so unopen to the ideas of anyone who disagrees with them, they cannot and will not realize that this reaction is their own fault.

There has been a good deal of ambiguity in the arguments presented thus far. This is true, more so in the underlying intentions of those who advocate either for, or against gun control and the news media that covers and perpetuates those intentions. But surely the Constitution can shed some light on the subject. How is it that something as legally binding, as well-written as was jotted by the Framers so many years ago, can be so misinterpreted? Well, as Victor Haynes points out in his article, “Gun Control in the United States”, the Second Amendment is not as ironclad as is thought to the casual reader. According to this piece, the Second Amendment states, “A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.” The reader will notice the ambiguity of the Amendment. If you were to ask anyone today what the Second Amendment stated, I submit to you that less than half would mention anything about a well-regulated militia. Most people would not know that it was there and depending on what side of the political spectrum one may fall on, one may wish to pretend it wasn’t there. And that is the fault of the modern media and how it excels at perpetuating laziness in journalism and sensationalism in its headlines. The truth of the matter is that the Second Amendment is one of the vaguest and poorly-written legal pieces ever transcribed in American history. But let the reader be warned not to say that too loudly in a public setting, lest they be labeled a communist that “wants the terrorists to win” (true story). Yet despite all the vagueness, we base not only our current laws on this piece of writing, but our history as well. We take pride in the fact that the United States rose up from the tyrannical clutches of an oppressive nation to become what it is today. And we did it all because of the heroic sacrifices of volunteer soldiers who brought their own weapons to fight off the best fighting force in the world at the time (being of course the British redcoats).

But let’s imagine what that may look like today. Everyone in this nation can agree that it has problems, and that the people in power are not doing all that they can to solve those problems. In fact, I’d argue that a good amount of people would even agree that the government is corrupt in some ways. So where is the revolution? It is most definitely true that we are more well-armed than our forefathers were. According to the article, “Gun Rights vs. Gun Control” of opensecrets.org, there are 88.8 guns per 100 people in the United States. That is more than we have ever had in our nation’s history. This, of course, is not even taking into account the fact that the colonists were sporting smooth-bore muskets and we have semi-automatic assault weapons. So, what is the hold up? This juxtaposition of narrative and reality is slightly comical, but it also presents me with a certain hope. It tells me that if you sift through all the narratives and strip away all the bias, people don’t want to fight. We are not the nation we once were, and in our current state we could never have a revolution and a civil war. Because we are more connected than we have ever been, and although this connectivity has highlighted our disagreements and has in some ways divided us (ironically enough), it has also given people a common understanding of one another. These biases cannot and will not survive if we inform ourselves. And with the potential of things like social media that information could spread like wildfire if we all chose to embrace it. Not narrative, not biased hypocritical principles of a generation before, but the truth.

But the truth is not a static thing, it’s fluid and often bends and shapes itself to fit the perceptions of the time it takes place, and those that are perceiving it. According to a study done by the American Journal of Psychiatry, news media often affects people’s perceptions of gun control and people with mental illness. This is true more so just after a major mass shooting has taken place. According to the study, the likelihood of people to hold negative feelings for those with a serious mental illness and support gun control is significantly higher when they have seen a news piece about it after a mass shooting. This, of course, can be beneficial in that it causes beneficial legislation to be passed after times of great tragedy, but detrimental to the growing stigma of people with mental illness.

According to an American Journal of Public Health article by Jonathan Metzl and Kenneth Macliesh, there is a bit of a contradiction between the public’s perception of the mentally ill and the statistics and literature of mental illness. The inconvenient fact for those blaming mass shootings on mental illness is that the vast majority of mental illnesses do not promote violent actions, and the vast majority of mentally ill people are nonviolent. This, of course, is a bit of a contradiction to what we see on the news, however. For the most part, those that commit horrible crimes such as mass shootings are often mentally ill. And, stripping aside politics, the fact that some of these people can legally get their hands on a deadly firearm is objective insanity. Most gun owners would agree. In fact, in researching for this essay, I interviewed Jonathan Vasquez, a retired United States Army veteran, a gun owner, and an unapologetic skeptic of gun control. As you can probably infer, we disagreed on most issues, including the politics behind raising the gun age, limiting magazine capacity, etc. However, when it came to mental health, we reached an agreement. Not only did Mr. Vasquez state that he would be in favor of background checks to anyone purchasing a gun, in order to ensure that they did not have a history of criminality or mental illness, but he also stated that he would be opposed to any proposed budget cuts to social programs that would uphold these background checks. This is something that most gun control advocates and gun owners can agree on. However, as stated before, it does come at a social cost to those who are mentally ill. That being said, it does also benefit these people as well. Keeping weapons out of the hands of the mentally ill does not just ensure the safety of the public, it ensures their own safety as well. There are surely many solutions to the problem of mental illness in this country that are not being addressed, but a great first step is to ensure that these people do not hurt others or themselves. If we can decrease instances like this, we can remove some of the social stigma that comes along with mental illness.

But this, of course has not been studied because in the United States, at least, it has not been tried. And why should gun control ideas be tried in the United States? Well, evidence has it that they work in other countries. Take Australia, for example. Famous for kangaroos, terrifying spiders, and no mass shootings since 1996. According to a British Medical Journal article, Australia’s sweeping gun reform, which eliminated semi-automatic and pump-action rifles and shotguns from civilian possession, was incredibly successful in reducing gun deaths nationwide. Since these gun reforms, an average of 0.04 people per 100,000 have died of total firearm deaths, 0.007 per 100,000 have died of firearm suicides, and 0.15 per 100,000 have died of firearm homicides. Essentially, the argument of “gun control doesn’t work” is definitely false, because it does in other countries around the world. Because of this fact, this should not be the question. The question shouldn’t be whether or not we institute more strict gun control laws in the United States, but what those laws should be, and to what extent they should be implemented.

As I’ve stated before in this essay, there is nothing that can be implemented legislatively that will totally eliminate gun deaths. There will always be people out there willing to make bad decisions and harm others for stupid reasons. But they are the exception, not the rule. Just as the strawman neo-liberal communist and the alt-right fascist are the exception and not the rule. Most people can agree that we can come to a compromise on what to do about guns in this country. Most people can reason that something must be done to keep people safe, to keep deadly weapons out of the hands of the mentally ill, and to achieve some sort of progress that benefits us all. And I suggest that if our leaders aren’t willing to have that conversation and come to that compromise, we take charge as a people and do it ourselves. I suggest that we come together as a nation and talk about what would benefit all of us rather than squabbling among our own arbitrary political groups. I suggest we make that choice, and I suggest we make it now. Because if not, more blood will be spilled on our watch. More will die and we will only be able to blame ourselves. If there was ever a time for us to live up to what we can and should be, it’s now.

Works Cited

Markoff, Steven C. “Gun Control - ProCon.org.” Should More Gun Control Laws Be Enacted in the United States?, 7 Aug. 2017, gun-control.procon.org/view.answers.php?questionID=001964.

H, Victor. “Gun Control in the United States.” OMICS International, OMICS International, 11 June 2016, www.omicsonline.org/open-access/gun-control-in-the-united-states-2332-0761-1000206.

php?aid=74881.

McGinty, Emma, et al. “Effects of News Media Messages About Mass Shootings on Attitudes

Toward Persons With Serious Mental Illness and Public Support for Gun Control Policies.” American Journal of Psychiatry, 1 May 2013, ajp.psychiatryonline.org/doi/abs/10.1176/appi.ajp.2013.13010014.

Chapman, et al. “Australia's 1996 Gun Law Reforms: Faster Falls in Firearm Deaths, Firearm Suicides, and a Decade without Mass Shootings.” Injury Prevention, BMJ Publishing Group Ltd, 1 Dec. 2006, injuryprevention.bmj.com/content/12/6/365.

Metzel, Jonathan, and Kenneth MacLeish. “Mental Illness, Mass Shootings, and the Politics of

American Firearms.” Mental Illness, Mass Shootings, and the Politics of American Firearms | AJPH | Vol. 105 Issue 2, 12 Dec. 2014, ajph.aphapublications.org/doi/full/10.2105/AJPH.2014.302242.

Lopez, German. “The Research Is Clear: Gun Control Saves Lives.” Vox, Vox, 4 Oct. 2017, www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2017/10/4/16418754/gun-control-washington-post.

West, Geoff. “Gun Rights vs Gun Control.” OpenSecrets, Feb. 2018, www.opensecrets.org/news/issues/guns.

Hawkins, Awr. “When Gun Control Fails.” NRA-ILA, 21 July 2017, www.nraila.org/articles/20170721/when-gun-control-fails.

#gun control #deception #bias

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the-desolated-quill · 6 years

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Star Wars: The Last Jedi - Quill’s Quickies (No Spoilers)

This year, Star Wars has been almost mired in controversy. From the loot box controversy in EA’s Star Wars Battlefront II to the noticeable lack of non-white characters in The Last Jedi’s marketing. Rian Johnson making a total prat of himself by claiming that Kylo Ren is a dual protagonist with Rey, and now the reviews are in it turns out Episode 8 is the most divisive movie in the whole franchise, with critics clambering over themselves to praise the movie for its ‘bold new direction’ while the fans decry it as the arse-raping of their collective childhood. On the whole, I’d say this has been a complete and total cock-up.

I had no idea what to expect going in. I’m sure you all know how lukewarm I was about The Force Awakens. It didn’t surprise me in the slightest that the critics were praising the hell out of The Last Jedi considering they were doing the same thing with the previous film, which in my opinion was mediocre at best. The fan reaction surprised me. After all the blind (and arguably undeserved) praise The Force Awakens got, if even the fans are struggling to find good things to say about this movie, something must have gone spectacularly wrong.

So what did I, diehard Star Wars fan and professional arsehole, think of The Last Jedi? Well honestly I’m disappointed I didn’t hate it more. Truthfully I liked this movie about as much as I liked The Force Awakens, which is to say not very much. Like The Force Awakens, it’s a competently made movie and it’s possible to derive some enjoyment from it if you switch your brain off for two and half hours, but otherwise it’s just yet another tired retread of the original Star Wars movies that brings absolutely nothing new to the table. Not for the first time, I feel a real disconnect from the rest of the Star Wars community here. I have no idea why the critics are praising this movie for being a game changer because there’s genuinely nothing very revolutionary or groundbreaking going on here, and I’m confused as to why the fans have chosen to fling their bile and venom at a movie that, in my opinion, is the very definition of average. I mean sure, The Last Jedi isn’t very good and there were some bits that did kind of annoy me, but there’s nothing about it that’s outrageously offensive as far as I can see.

Let’s start with the things I liked. The biggest, shiniest gold star has to go to Finn. He was quite possibly the only new character I was in any way invested in last time around, and he’s just as brilliant here. We see him slowly embrace his new role as a hero of the Resistance and we also see him get the chance to stick it to his First Order oppressors, which I thought was quite emotionally satisfying. He’s joined by Rose, played by Kelly Marie Tran, who I thought was a nice addition to the cast and who undergoes the traditional everyman turned hero journey. I really liked her relationship with Finn and their scenes together are by far the highlight of the film, which makes their subtle erasure from the Star Wars marketing campaign all the more offensive to me because, as far as I’m concerned, they’re the main characters. They were the most developed, the ones I was most invested in, the only ones that actually grow and develop over the course of the film and who pretty much drive the plot.

The other thing I liked (and I can’t believe I’m saying this) is Kylo Ren. I really wasn’t impressed with him in The Force Awakens because he was pretty much just a shitty rehash of Darth Vader, and I mentioned in my review at the time how it might have been better to embrace the more weaselly and slightly pathetic nature of the character to help better distinguish him and give him his own identity. So I’m extremely pleased to see that’s exactly what this film does and it’s great. There’s no pretence anymore. Kylo Ren is this spoilt, impotent man-child that desperately craves power and attention, but doesn’t really know what he wants to do with it, and that’s glorious. That’s just the burst of inspiration the character sorely needed and Adam Driver does a great job with this new material. I’m actually looking forward to seeing where he goes in the next film and if they handle it well, he should make for a very unique antagonist (that’s antagonist Rian Johnson. AN-TAG-GON-NIST).

It’s just a pity that in order to prop up Kylo Ren, Rian Johnson felt the need to completely warp Luke Skywalker’s character into something wholly unrecognisable.

Yes now we come to the bad stuff, and there’s quite a bit. My main gripe is with Luke’s characterisation. In order to justify a lot of the plot, they have to make Luke this cynical halfwit and there are loads of moments where he says or does something that just simply doesn’t ring true with what we already know about him. His reasons for his exile are utterly out of character for one thing and his reasons behind his provocative statement that ‘it’s time for the Jedi to end’ are even more ludicrous. What’s worse is that the majority of the movie is dedicated to Rey trying to persuade Luke to come out of exile and rejoin the fight. Remember the scene in The Empire Strikes Back when Luke tries to persuade Yoda to train him? Well imagine that dragged out for an hour and a half. That’s pretty much the movie in the nutshell. I think that’s part of the reason why I loved Finn and Rose so much. Because it was a blessed relief to get off that fucking island for a while. There were several moments where I came close to dozing off.

I’m sure it’s no secret to anyone by this point that Rian Johnson has played pretty fast and loose with the Star Wars canon. Luke’s odd characterisation is one example. There are a few others. None of them truly insulting in my opinion. But the most notorious is a scene involving Leia, which I will hereby refer to as ‘The Scene.’ This got a lot of Star Wars fans riled up, but I personally thought it was absolutely hysterical just because of how random and idiotically daft it was. I’m not going to tell you what happened in ‘The Scene’ because this is a non-spoiler review. All I can say is you’ll know it when you see it.

Of course this was Carrie Fisher’s last film before her untimely death and that’s incredibly sad. Does The Last Jedi offer a fitting tribute to Princess/General/Queen (she’s a a Queen in my eyes) Leia Organa? Not really. In fact, outside of ‘The Scene’, Leia doesn’t really do anything worthy of comment. Some say she was mischaracterised too, but I don’t think so. At a push, I could see Leia doing some of the things she does. I just wish Fisher could have been given something with actual substance.

My views on Poe and Rey remain virtually unchanged. Poe Dameron is still a one dimensional cardboard cutout and I’m still continuously baffled as to why people like him so much. He doesn’t have a character. We’re two movies in and we still haven’t learnt a single sodding thing about him. Frankly I’ve seen fossils with more life in them. Rey meanwhile is still quite possibly one of the blandest protagonists I’ve ever seen. I’m struggling to find any reason to actually give a shit about her. Why should I be invested in her Jedi training? Why does she even need Jedi training when she seems capable of pulling any random superpower out of her arse at the convenience of the plot? At no point have these films ever given me a reason to care about her. Maybe if they focused more on her looking for her missing parents, I might be slightly more invested. And that’s another thing. In The Force Awakens, her missing parents are basically used as sequel bait. Here (without giving too much away) they’re pretty much just swept under the carpet entirely, which begs the question why was JJ Abrams wasting our time with them in the first fucking place (yes I am blaming JJ Abrams instead of Rian Johnson because Abrams was the one that actually came up with this shit and it’s very much reminiscent of his bullshit ‘mystery box’. The principle where an audience are naturally drawn to some big unknown or mystery and that he frequently utilises in his projects, most notably the TV series Lost. What he often forgets however is that good mysteries tend to have a satisfying fucking answer at the end).

And that’s pretty much all I have to say really. No doubt some of you are disappointed I haven’t quite given The Last Jedi the vengeful pummelling you’ve come to expect from me, but honestly I can’t work up the energy to get properly angry at it, and that’s largely because I’m past caring about this sequel trilogy. I think I’ve made my views on the sequel trilogy quite clear by now (that they’re a soulless cash grab concocted by studio execs who wouldn’t recognise a decent script if one jumped up and bit them on the arse) and I think it’s my total lack of interest that kind of shields me from some of Rian Johnson’s ‘creative’ decisions. These movies don’t count as far as I’m concerned. I’m not especially bothered by Johnson’s ‘reimagining’ and there’s nothing truly terrible going on here. The only crime The Last Jedi is really guilty of in my opinion is that there’s large swathes of it that are just really, really boring. And the main reason for this (apart from the obscenely long running time and a plot that drags its feet) is because, like with The Force Awakens, a lot of this stuff has been done before and done better in the original trilogy. While The Force Awakens ripped off A New Hope and a few elements from The Empire Strikes Back, The Last Jedi rips off The Empire Strikes Back and a few elements from Return Of The Jedi. What makes it slightly more egregious here is that The Empire Strikes Back and Return Of The Jedi are both very emotionally charged stories that rely on three films’ worth of character development and buildup to make an impact, whereas The Last Jedi just blunders in, trying to replicate these emotional moments, but fails to recognise what made them so powerful to begin with and hasn’t done any of the legwork to make us feel truly invested in what’s going on, and thus it has all the impact of a feather duster.

So that’s The Last Jedi. A pointless and mediocre middle chapter to what has so far been a pointless and mediocre trilogy. The one bright side is that now it appears they’ve finally rehashed all they can from the original trilogy, there’s a chance we might finally get to see some original ideas in Episode 9. Unless they’re planning to ripoff the prequels next. In which case Disney must be more creatively bankrupt than I thought.

#star wars #the last jedi #quill's quickies #no spoilers

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painpro · 7 years

Note

Maedis Even and Gil every number that ends with 2

warning for drug+abuse mentions

maedis

2. Does your OC collect anything? What do they collect?

thanks to cik its sort of becoming scarves

4. What kind of clothing does your OC wear?

he basically always wears his leather armor. other than that he just prefers tight fitting clothing to be Aerodynamic , but not fashionable tho im talkin like leggings and a henley

6. What’s your OC’s favorite animal? Least favorite?

DOGS!!! LOVES DOGS!! fish bad.

8. What is your OC’s theme song?

10. What deadly sin would best represent your OC?

greed

12. How patient is your OC? How hot-headed are they?

LOL well youve all seen.... he is not very patient and gets irritated VERY easily. like hes rarely violent and can still recognize when people are his allies but he is a very very prickly guy

14. What foods does your OC like to eat? What are their least favorite foods?

good old imuran potato soup is good enough for him

16. What does your OC smell like?

pine and dog

18. What are your OC’s greatest fears? Weaknesses? Strengths?

fears: being trapped both literally and metaphorically

weaknesses: anything that has to do with being likeable or making a good impression (charisma 7.)

strengths: SNIPING

20. If they came from their world to ours (if not already in our’s) how would they react? What would they do?

figure out the quickest and easiest way to make money legal or not

22. What kind of student were they/would they be in high school?

dropout

24. What is their outlook on life? What is their philosophy / what do they think in general about living?

Its Bad. he is just always prepared for the worst and if he ends up dying oh well

26. Who is the most important person in their life? Why? Who is the least important to them (that still has an impact and why?

you know...that big ol lizard that like CARES about him for SOME REASON

he doesnt like cezall at all but he did say some things at hardersfield that stuck with him

28. What kind of nervous habits do they have? Do they stim? Do they have any kinds of addictions?

he clenches and unclenches his fists when hes nervous or uncomfortable, and also bites his nails. he got over the drugs a couple years ago so right now NO good on him

30. Do they want to get married? Why or why not? Would they ever want kids? Do they have kids? Why?

no. its just not for him. he has never seen a positive marriage and doesnt get the point of it he thinks its human bullshit. he can barely take care of himself and the idea of a little gremlin following him around calling him dad stresses him out so much and its not like he had good model parents either

32. If they could have one thing in the world, what would it be?

just like... certainty and knowing he can 100% trust someone

36. What does your character want most? What do they need really badly, compulsively? What are they willing to do, to sacrifice, to obtain?

see this is complicated. he himself would say he doesnt want anything that bad bc he has kind of developed an aggressively apathetic way of viewing things to distance himself from them so it doesnt hurt when they die or leave ... but this question also strikes me as being about ambition, and he has None, he has kind of completely given up on himself and doesnt dream about doing anything anymore so im going to say probably really nothing he does not care about anything that much yet

38. What would your character do with a million dollars?

buy himself an actual house instead of living in a harry potter broom closet in the theater

40. Your character is getting ready for a night out. Where are they going? What do they wear? Who will they be with?

i imagine cik is probably taking him out. hed wear his normal armor but before leaving as an afterthought take off his red scarf and put on the black one cik got him

42. Does your character have any scars? Where did they get them from?

made this chart for this very question

44. How does your character react/ accept criticism?

DONT LIKE THAT. usually with a “shut the fuck up” or “dont tell me what to do” he bristles a lot at that

46. Your character is given a voodoo doll of themself. What do they do with it? Do they see if it actually works?

god he would..at first be like “this is bullshit” then when no one was looking hed def try to poke it (he actually is curious about magic a little bit but would rather die than show it)

48. What were their parents like? How has that affected how they are as an adult?

hoo okay. his mom died when he was 2 giving birth to his little sister, they were left with their dad who was a hardass and super rough w maedis frequently . he always felt like both his dad and sister resented him and hey he didnt like them either and resented his sister for “killing his mom”

basically he feels like he cnt trust anyone and believes everyone dislikes him by default , like you cant assume anyone likes you if your own family didnt

he also only has like 1 or 2 memories of his mom but theyre good and they had the same hair

50. If your character was presented with imminent and unavoidable death/fatality, how would they react? Would they try to avoid death anyways? Would they try to make their last days count?

he would get high as FUCK ex-addict be damned . hed probs get so high hed overdose and die before his death date

gil

2. Does your OC collect anything? What do they collect?

he really likes like...pressed leaves and stuff like that. cool rocks. sticks

12. How patient is your OC? How hot-headed are they?

not super super patient, but more in an annoying “are we there yet” sort of way rather than being hot headed and aggressive

22. What kind of student were they/would they be in high school?

the kid that brings his guitar to school. hed really like bio in theory but actually is not very good at the work and does not want to dissect the frog

32. If they could have one thing in the world, what would it be?

answers

42. Does your character have any scars? Where did they get them from?

not YET.....

#jesus ass christ this took so fucking long #askies #fatherjo

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uniteordie-usa · 6 years

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It’s Time to Rethink Education – Part 1 (Indoctrination)

http://uniteordie-usa.com/its-time-to-rethink-education-part-1-indoctrination/ http://uniteordie-usa.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/We-dont-need-no-education-pink-floyd-the-wall.jpg It’s Time to Rethink Education – Part 1 (Indoctrination) Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned. – Mark Twain As a father of two young children, my thoughts have increasingly started to center around their young lives and the future world they’ll inhabit. Such considerations quickly lead to stressful questions such as, what are the best s...

Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned. – Mark Twain

As a father of two young children, my thoughts have increasingly started to center around their young lives and the future world they’ll inhabit. Such considerations quickly lead to stressful questions such as, what are the best schools in the area? Which option can provide the best environment in which to thrive? If the best options aren’t public, can we afford them? Is it worth the money? All these questions and more have filled the minds of my wife and I over the past couple of years, but lately we’ve started to ask even bigger questions; such as whether the compulsory education system as it exists in the U.S. in 2017 makes any sense in the first place. I’m increasingly starting to conclude that it doesn’t.

Before I get into that, let’s take a step back. A lot of what I do here at Liberty Blitzkrieg is highlight what’s perverse and destructive about human behavior at this time, and how things can be made dramatically better in the future. If I had to summarize my worldview concisely, I’d state that human beings at the moment are living under highly centralized, hierarchical power structures which are gamed by unethical, greedy and corrupt people at the top who exploit the masses ruthlessly.

Since the worst of humanity will always work hardest and most violently to attain power (this will always be the case), the only way to achieve lasting, positive change is to systemically move to a different model for human activity. Trying to get decent people at the top of a highly centralized power structure is counterproductive and merely a short-term solution if it can even be achieved in the first place. What we need to do is tear down and reduce centralized power as much as possible in the first place. If power becomes distributed far more widely across the planet, the ability for mass control and consolidation becomes much more difficult, if not impossible.

The most significant theme of the next hundred years (at least) will be a dramatic shift toward decentralized networks in nearly all aspects of human affairs. We’ve already seen its profound impact in a dramatic decentralization of information/media content creation and distribution, and we’re starting to see its impact when it comes to currency/monetary systems. Without the arrival and viral adoption of the internet, none of this would’ve been possible. More importantly, only 50% of the planet is currently online and massive social media networks have only been going for a decade or so. If we assume the internet isn’t going anywhere, we’re only in the very, very beginning stages of how it’ll ultimately shape human affairs.

As I noted in the recent post, Bitcoin, Terence McKenna and the Future of the Internet:

I remain in awe of the implications of people across the world easily talking to one another in real time and forming global networks. We’ve become so accustomed to social media at this point many of us already take for granted how extraordinary and revolutionary it really is. Nothing like this has ever happened before in human history, and it’s hard for me not to be extremely optimistic about its impact on life here on earth over a longer time horizon.

One of the most remarkable things about humans across the world talking to one another, is it becomes increasingly difficult to manipulate distinct populations into hating each other and rallying around wars that only benefit elite sociopaths in the first place.

As things stand now, people from all over the planet are examining the way the world functions and coming to the conclusion that it’s completely insane and anti-human. We live in a world where we’re told to be slaves to authority and expert judgement, despite the fact that such figures are consistently and spectacularly wrong, with their proclamations often leading to massive levels of death, destruction and economic collapse all over the world. To summarize, the world as it’s currently organized is transparently insane and cannot stand up to even the slightly degree of scrutiny. As more and more people wake up to this reality, the world will change in unimaginable ways. The earth as it stands today will be unrecognizable in 25 years.

Although I’ve discussed what this means when it comes to governing institutions and monetary systems frequently this year, one area that I’ve only begun to explore is education. As our kids creep toward the age where most children enter the school system, my wife and I have started to examine what this system looks like, and if it’s as insane as everything else about the world today. The answer seems to be, yes.

Earlier this year, I came across a 1990 speech given by famed teacher and author, John Taylor Gatto, and it completely and totally blew my mind. I highlight a few excerpts below, but cannot stress enough how important it is to read the entire thing. It’s one of the most powerful pieces of information I’ve ever shared.

Enjoy:

Our school crisis is a reflection of this greater social crisis. We seem to have lost our identity. Children and old people are penned up and locked away from the business of the world to a degree without precedent – nobody talks to them anymore and without children and old people mixing in daily life a community has no future and no past, only a continuous present. In fact, the name “community” hardly applies to the way we interact with each other. We live in networks, not communities, and everyone I know is lonely because of that. In some strange way school is a major actor in this tragedy just as it is a major actor in the widening guilt among social classes. Using school as a sorting mechanism we appear to be on the way to creating a caste system, complete with untouchables who wander through subway trains begging and sleep on the streets.

I’ve noticed a fascinating phenomenon in my twenty-five years of teaching – that schools and schooling are increasingly irrelevant to the great enterprises of the planet. No one believes anymore that scientists are trained in science classes or politicians in civics classes or poets in English classes. The truth is that schools don’t really teach anything except how to obey orders. This is a great mystery to me because thousands of humane, caring people work in schools as teachers and aides and administrators but the abstract logic of the institution overwhelms their individual contributions. Although teachers do care and do work very hard, the institution is psychopathic – it has no conscience. It rings a bell and the young man in the middle of writing a poem must close his notebook and move to different cell where he must memorize that man and monkeys derive from a common ancestor.

Our form of compulsory schooling is an invention of the state of Massachusetts around 1850. It was resisted – sometimes with guns – by an estimated eighty per cent of the Massachusetts population, the last outpost in Barnstable on Cape Cod not surrendering its children until the 1880’s when the area was seized by militia and children marched to school under guard…

Here is another curiosity to think about. The homeschooling movement has quietly grown to a size where one and a half million young people are being educated entirely by their own parents. Last month the education press reported the amazing news that children schooled at home seem to be five or even ten years ahead of their formally trained peers in their ability to think.

I don’t think we’ll get rid of schools anytime soon, certainly not in my lifetime, but if we’re going to change what is rapidly becoming a disaster of ignorance, we need to realize that the school institution “schools” very well, but it does not “educate” – that’s inherent in the design of the thing. It’s not the fault of bad teachers or too little money spent, it’s just impossible for education and schooling ever to be the same thing.

Schools were designed by Horace Mann and Barnard Sears and Harper of the University of Chicago and Thorndyke of Columbia Teachers College and some other men to be instruments of the scientific management of a mass population. Schools are intended to produce through the application of formulae, formulaic human beings whose behavior can be predicted and controlled.

To a very great extent, schools succeed in doing this. But our society is disintegrating, and in such a society, the only successful people are self-reliant, confident, and individualistic – because the community life which protects the dependent and the weak is dead. The products of schooling are, as I’ve said, irrelevant. Well-schooled people are irrelevant. They can sell film and razor blades, push paper and talk on the telephones, or sit mindlessly before a flickering computer terminal but as human beings they are useless. Useless to others and useless to themselves…

It is absurd and anti-life to be part of a system that compels you to sit in confinement with people of exactly the same age and social class. That system effectively cuts you off from the immense diversity of life and the synergy of variety, indeed it cuts you off from your own past and future, scaling you to a continuous present much the same way television does…

I could name a few other conditions that school reform would have to tackle if our national decline is to be arrested, but by now you will have grasped my thesis, whether you agree with it or not. Either schools have caused these pathologies, or television, or both. It’s a simple matter [of] arithmetic, between schooling and television all the time the children have is eaten away. That’s what has destroyed the American family, it is no longer a factor in the education of its own children. Television and schooling, in those things the fault must lie.

What can be done? First we need a ferocious national debate that doesn’t quit, day after day, year after year. We need to scream and argue about this school thing until it is fixed or broken beyond repair, one or the other. If we can fix it, fine; if we cannot, then the success of homeschooling shows a different road to take that has great promise. Pouring the money we now pour into family education might kill two birds with one stone, repairing families as it repairs children.

Genuine reform is possible but it shouldn’t cost anything. We need to rethink the fundamental premises of schooling and decide what it is we want all children to learn and why. For 140 years this nation has tried to impose objectives downward from the lofty command center made up of “experts”, a central elite of social engineers. It hasn’t worked. It won’t work. And it is a gross betrayal of the democratic promise that once made this nation a noble experiment. The Russian attempt to create Plato’s republic in Eastern Europe has exploded before [our] eyes, our own attempt to impose the same sort of central orthodoxy using the schools as an instrument is also coming apart at the seams, albeit more slowly and painfully. It doesn’t work because its fundamental premises are mechanical, anti-human, and hostile to family life. Lives can be controlled by machine education but they will always fight back with weapons of social pathology – drugs, violence, self-destruction, indifference, and the symptoms I see in the children I teach…

Independent study, community service, adventures in experience, large doses of privacy and solitude, a thousand different apprenticeships, the one day variety or longer – these are all powerful, cheap and effective ways to start a real reform of schooling. But no large-scale reform is ever going to work to repair our damaged children and our damaged society until we force the idea of “school” open – to include family as the main engine of education. The Swedes realized that in 1976 when they effectively abandoned the system of adopting unwanted children and instead spent national time and treasure on reinforcing the original family so that children born to Swedes were wanted. They didn’t succeed completely but they did succeed in reducing the number of unwanted Swedish children from 6000 in l976 to 15 in 1986. So it can be done. The Swedes just got tired of paying for the social wreckage caused by children not raised by their natural parents so they did something about it. We can, too.

Family is the main engine of education. If we use schooling to break children away from parents – and make no mistake, that has been the central function of schools since John Cotton announced it as the purpose of the Bay Colony schools in 1650 and Horace Mann announced it as the purpose of Massachusetts schools in 1850 – we’re going to continue to have the horror show we have right now. The curriculum of family is at the heart of any good life, we’ve gotten away from that curriculum, time to return to it. The way to sanity in education is for our schools to take the lead in releasing the stranglehold of institutions on family life, to promote during school time confluences of parent and child that will strengthen family bonds. That was my real purpose in sending the girl and her mother down the Jersey coast to meet the police chief. I have many ideas to make a family curriculum and my guess is that a lot of you will have many ideas, too, once you begin to think about it. Our greatest problem in getting the kind of grass-roots thinking going that could reform schooling is that we have large vested interests pre-emptying all the air time and profiting from schooling just exactly as it is despite rhetoric to the contrary. We have to demand that new voices and new ideas get a hearing, my ideas and yours. We’ve all had a bellyful of authorized voices mediated by television and the press – a decade long free-for-all debate is what is called for now, not any more “expert” opinions. Experts in education have never been right, their “solutions” are expensive, self-serving, and always involve further centralization. Enough. Time for a return to democracy, individuality, and family. I’ve said my piece. Thank you.

This above excerpts are from a speech by John Taylor Gatto accepting the New York City Teacher of the Year Award on January 31, 1990. Please read the entire thing and share it with the following link: Why Schools Don’t Educate.

Read More: https://www.theburningplatform.com/2017/12/13/its-time-to-rethink-education-part-1-indoctrination/

#anti-human #Barnard Sears #Horace Mann #Indoctrination

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