The Superman style studies had also culminated in a video! Very fun to showcase my favourite artists

tips for stem majors in math and science courses (spoonie + neurodivergent friendly)

hi y’all! my nameis lila and i’m a 28 year old physics and anthropology major who’s about 2 years through college (in the US)! as we’re coming up on the start of the fall ‘23 college semester, i thought i might share some really solid hacks for fellow STEM students taking science and/or math courses that i’ve basically built my college academic career on. and! these study tips are spoonie and adhd friendly! as a matter of fact, a lot of these are tips/methods that specifically work for me as a neurodivergent spoonie (i have pretty severe adhd, as well as POTS and ME/CFS), but that i think non-disabled/non-spoonie and/or neurotypical students could also benefit from using! so with out any further ado, here are my 7 tried and true study hacks for college math and science classes…

1) discover your learning style and tailor your studying towards leveraging it.

you’ve probably heard of visual, audio, and kinesthetic learning styles, but did you now there’s actually way more learning styles than just those three? i’m personally a “social learner,” meaning i learn best through discussion and socialization with 1+ other people to interact with. this could look like teaching other classmates concepts and methods that we’ve learned or discussing ideas with classmates and/or professors until i fully understand the concepts at play and how they connect and can reflect them in performing analysis and application, etc. honestly, figuring out my learning style was hands down one of the most helpful things i’ve done in college. it has allowed me to choose professors who i will mesh better with in terms of how they teach, as well as to adapt materials and methods to my style of learning in order to master them quicker and more effectively.

2) rewrite your notes after lecture, for the love of god.

this tip actually comes from my high school IB Math HL teacher, who told me to do this when i originally left high school for college. even if you think you’ve mastered the basics of the topic covered during the lecture, rewriting those notes after lecture helps really hammer in the knowledge that you’ve already established and also helps to get the wheels turning on pieces of information you might have less of a grasp on. try tp set aside at least 30 - 40 minutes after class to just rewrite your notes and try to really digest the information.

3) body doubling is one of the most beneficial things ever to be invented even if you’re not adhd, and i WILL die on that hill, thank you very much.

“body doubling” or “having an accountabilibuddy” are interchangeable terms in the adhd community that mean you have one or more consistent study buddy/buddies who you do all the homework and/or studying with in person on a regular basis, even if you’re just working next to each other in total silence. this does a couple of things. first off, it forces homework/assignments/studying to become a concrete social obligation you need to regularly show up for, rather than a nebulous obligation based on an invisible deadline. second off, it gives you 1+ partners to work out your problems concerning course topics with. third off, it allows you to build a network of peers where you feel comfortable helping each other with course material (this is especially great because it’s likely you and your classmates have different strengths regarding course content). tbh, body doubling is the other method that i, personally, have found most useful in college and i highly recommend trying it, even if you don’t have adhd.

4) teach others/your classmates the analysis and application methods you’ve learned, even if those methods aren’t 100% solidified for you (trust me on this).

the goal of stem courses is never memorization, but rather being able to understand a topic well enough to analyze a similar situation and apply the what you’ve learned creatively. this is where teaching others comes in. in order to teach others a concept and its related analysis and application well, you have to have at least a fraction of a decent understanding of these things yourself, and, further, often time in teaching these things you also learn to grasp the concepts/aanalysis/applications even better than you did before with each new teaching session. basically: teaching others is a creative way of also teaching yourself. you get the benefits of repetition, of thinking about a concept/technique/analysis and application in a new way, and of getting to apply the concept/technique/analysis and applicatioin to a new scenario each time. plus, you’ll typically make friends quickly in the process! there’s really no downside to this tip imo ;-)

5) utilize your college’s tutoring center/program(s), even when you don’t think you need to.

usually colleges have either set up a general “tutoring center,” on campus where you can find tutors for all different kinds of topics and courses available during regular hours for walk-in sessions and/or appointments free of charge or departments will hold regular weekly (or twice weekly) free on-campus tutoring sessions for specific courses. regardless of which of these options your college has, i highly recommend attending at least one tutoring session/appointment (ideally with the same tutor if/when you eventually find one you click with) every single week, even when you don’t feel like you’re struggling with the topic(s) covered in that week’s lecture. this will help you review topics and techniques covered in lecture, deepen your understanding of them, and, if nothing else, it’s an excuse to get homework out of the way while having someone else there who can help you if/when you get stuck. attending at least one session weekly also helps you get into a habit and routine of keeping up with your assignments, so you’re not left scrambling at the last minute before they’re due.

6) if you have accommodations, request access to record lectures. if you do not have accommodations, ask your professor if you are allowed to record lectures. IF YOU RECORD LECTURES, DO NOT FORGET TO REVIEW THEM!

okay, so first up for my fellow spoonies and neurodivergent peeps: when you apply for/renew your accommodations, make sure that “recordinng lectures” is on your MOA (memorandum of accommodations), because so long as it is, your professors legally cannot deny you permission to record lectures without risk of themself and the college being sued for an ADA violation. also, make friends with a classmate and ask them to record lectures and send them to you if/when you are absent (let the professor know that you’ve asked this classmate to record and send you the lecture if you are absent)

now, if you aren’t disabled, a spoonie, and/or neurodivergent, you aren’t guaranteed permission to record lectures. however. ask the professor if you can have their permission to audio record lectures (be sure to also let them know that such a recording would be for personal use only and that you don’t plan on distributing the recordings). i’ve found that many professors don’t mind you having an audio recording.

even if you aren’t an audible learner it can be really useful to have these recordings to review at a later point. oftentimes reviewing lecture recordings can be useful if you glazed over and missed a section of the lecture and/or if you can’t remember what a professor taught during a section of a lecture.

7) last but not least, on a related note, if you have accommodations, also request access to your professor’s lecture notes. if you don’t have accommodations, check if your professor posts their lecture notes for students to use.

having your professor’s notes can be extremely useful for review purposes, but they can also help you understand where your professor is going with course content and what they want to stress as important.

the absolute beginners guide to twine part i

I've posted this in the tutorial channel in our decoding twine server, but I figured it might be helpful to keep on here. As someone who found learning twine incredibly daunting especially with so many things to read, often using coding language I was expected to already understand, I want make coding in twine alot simpler for beginners.

So, with this, I'm unleashing the absolute, absolute, begginers guide/series of sorts for people looking to pick up twine, but might be intimidated. Here I'm talking about the 'stuff you should already know' 🙄 you see when going into tutorials. I really hope some of this helps, and I'll be happy to answer any questions I can in the future, or at least, send you to someone else who can too.

so, with that being said, here's the absolute beginners guide to twine, part i

So, this is the most basic basic basic stuff you're going to use within sugarcube twine, that I thought would be helpful for those of us who are just learning, there are plenty of more in depth guides out there, but I wanted to keep this as simplistic as possible in a sort of explain-to-me-like-i'm-five style.

Once you've gotten twine installed and switched your format over to sugarcube -> (This is done by opening up a new project, clicking in the bottom left of your screen with your game's title, and clicking on the 'Change Story Format' Option and switching over to the latest version of Sugarcube (sugarcube2.36.1))

PASSAGES These are what hold the content of your story! They hold your main body of text and LINKS which what connect passages in your story. Think of passages as pages in your choose your own adventure novel, and links are the choices that tell you (or the program) which page to flip to. Passages have TITLES and BODIES Your Title, is you guessed it, what your passage is called. This will not show up in game, but I'd recommend naming your passages something bland incase code-divers hop in and look at your code lest they find something embarrassing in your titles. Your body, is what is in the actual passage itself, this is what shows up in game and contains links.

LINKS links are what tie ALL of twine together across the formats, and in sugarcube you can style them a series of ways, connecting one passage to the next. The easiest way to include a link looks like this: [[LINK]] This is a link that will appear as the word 'link' in-game, and will take you to the next passage entitled LINK. For this route, it's necessary to wrap your link in two sets of brackets OR [[]] These, which will actually make it function as a link. [[NEXT | LINK]] This is another approach you could take, where players will click on a link that says "NEXT" in game, but will take the player to a passage called LINK. For beginners think, left is what will appear to the player and right is the title of the passage just for you the developer.

USING VARIABLES - variables are an incredibly useful tool that can be used to keep track of things throughout your game, whether that be your character's name, whether or not the player's visited a passage, the response to a question or numerical stats.

For our purposes there are three types of variables, Boolean (true/false), Numerical, and String Variables.

The two macros that will be useful in reference to variables are: <<set>> and <<if>>

First things first, when you have your list of variables ready, you're going to want to define them first in the StoryInit Passage. This is the first passage that will run in your game, you won't see it when the game is played BUT it does get run in the background behind everything else. By setting your variables ahead of time and modifying them later it allows for a smoother run through of the game that eliminates problems further down the line. You can of course, define your variables as your game progresses in individual passages BUT you might run into trouble later down the line.

So, let's set up your variables in a mock StoryInit Passage here: :: StoryInit <<set $characterfriendship to 0>> <<set $yesornoanswer to false>> <<set $eyecolor to "null">>

SO, what this does is it sets a variable called $characterfriendship to 0 using the <<set>> macro. What this does is set my friendship points with said character to ) that can progressively grow throughout the game.

VARIABLES whatever you call them ALWAYS have to be proceeded by a dollar sign ($) for them to function in game, and you can format the <<set>> macro a number of ways. For example: <<set $characterfriendship to 0>> <<set $characterfriendship = 0>>

Both will function the same and make it so that variable will equal 0.

Now moving on, if we want to alter those numerical values further down the line in a passage we can do so in a number of ways, whether that be adding, subtracting, dividing or multiplying. For example if I want to ADD 1 point to my friendship my code would look like this. <<set $characterfriendship += 1>> OR IF WE'RE JUST ADDING ONE you could simply do this: <<set $characterfriendship ++>>

To subtract you'd do: <<set $characterfriendship -= 1>> To multiply you'd do: <<set $characterfriendship *= 1> To divide you'd do: <<set $characterfriendship /= 1> This of course can be altered to any number, just by changing that 1 to the number you'd like.

BOOLEAN VARIABLES are useful when an option has two outcomes, helpful for things like yes or no questions or passage visits. Setting those variables looks something like this:

<<set $yesornoanswer to false>> <<set $yesornoanswer to true>>

when setting the variable it is NOT necessary to add quotations around the words true or false, this will mess up your work down the line if you don't continuously use those quotes again.

STRING VARIABLES These are helpful for options with more complex outcomes, things like multiple options, names, or character customization.

<<set $eyecolor to "null">>

So far in StoryInit I've only set it to null because I haven't set it yet in-game, and by setting it to "null" it just gives me an option that isn't really an option.

SETTING VARIABLES WITH LINKS SO, moving forward, no that I have defined my variables in StoryInit, I want to change them when I'm in game.

You could do this of course, by setting them at the top of your passage in game. So looking something like this:

::passagethree <<set $eyecolor to "brown">> Her eyes were brown. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur.

But another sometimes more effective way to set them with actual links! You can go about that a couple of ways.

One is with the brackets method and it'll look something like this.

[[BLUE | LINK][$eyecolor to "blue"]]

Using this method, it's important NOT to include the word set, simply skipping ahead to your variable the to and what you're defining it as.

The other method is through the <> method. This is simply another way to style your links. I like the brackets method, but it's all up to you.

<<link 'blue' 'passage-four'>><<set $eyecolor to "blue">><</link>>

The first quotation (blue) is what the player will see as the link in the passage, and the second quotation (passage-four) is what the associated passage is called. You can set the $variable within those <<link>>

Silly Game Time: Who are some of your favorite mechanical characters, be they robots, androids, cyborgs, or something else? And what do like about them?

OOOOH...

Well, first, gotta mention my man Data.

A lot of people has said that he is autism-coded in the way that he is presented, and in how other people react to him. And I kind of agree tbh. He's also just a sweetheart, and his bonds with the crew (especially Laforge), his cat Spot, and sometimes with people who are briefly onboard are so lovely.

I also feel I should mention Connor,

Because his arc has probably inspired so many OCs at this point. Bryan Dechart did such an excellent job playing him, and his growing bond with Hank is very well-written. I think it's honestly touching how it's often emotional bonds that show humanity.

Another I feel would be a crime not to mention,

Because between the iconic lines and the dynamic he has with John Connor, and the way it shapes his various decisions, how could I not? And yes I'm specifically talking Terminator 2 here. Though I will say he makes an EXCELLENT force of nature and presence of absolute horror in the first movie.

Then, of course, the sapphic community's favourite,

Because "Want You Gone" hurts me on a personal level, and I don't just mean because it's how GLaDOS says farewell. I relate to that song so much (and did a cover of it :D) and, in general, relate with much of her story. Of course, she's a sassy motherfucker who you can't help but love. But for how much Portal 2 is considered the inferior game, it really does make her story into one of self-discovery and complicated morality. I guess it just gets overshadowed by Oh hi. How are you holding up.

Next,

I MEAN. COME ON. This guy used to be, and honestly still is, one of my biggest fictional crushes. His charisma is magnetic, of course. His STORY being wrapped up by the connections he used to have being rekindled, resulting in him choosing to be a star for those who need one most, rather than a star for the most people possible???? Ugh, poetic cinema.

Speaking of stars,

[vibrating] I have so many headcanons when it comes to this one But more to the point, Star Dream is an absolute force of nature. Its boss fight is incredible, an absolute marvel of multiple types of play styles coming together. The themes? Slap.

Star Dream's draw, for me, is that its sentience is so…debatable. I'm on the side of “had sentience the whole time”, and more to the point, “based on how much Haltmann copied homework, it's possible he brought something back from the dead” but I dunno, I don't like arguing my case when it comes to the second. The point is, for many of things that it does, it's uncertain whether that's just part of its program, or if it's a sentient decision. Was Susie sent away because of something accidental, or was it Star Dream's intention? The fact that Haltmann became so focused on its creation after her disappearance, in my eyes, kind of implies the latter…

… It's also interesting that even without Haltmann giving it a voice via him-being-possessed, it only chooses to speak to Meta Knight.

Can you tell I have The Kirby Autism, is it noticeable, is it obvious—

Also I'm gonna put two of my OCs here, because self-indulgence is alive and well.

This is Palharine and Mayday! They're my favourites out of a group of robot/android characters I created about three years ago, and have finally taken the time to draw recently:

From left to right, you got Eodel Remidoros, Palharine, Mayday, and Ziah Hyperion. All very different interpretations of robotic.

Palharine and Mayday stand out to me due to their emotional states. They're kind of opposites, in that regard. Mayday is a very sensitive gal, who has been through a lot of pain, and is trying to become stronger so she can confidently say she has no doubt in who she is. Palharine, as far as they're aware, has no emotions. Which is interesting, since the other three all seem to, to some degree. Among the four, Palharine is also unique in that they're programmed to dream. Both of these things shape them a lot.

But these two have a very sweet bond, where they're both passionate about biology, especially botany. Mayday, in a training exercise, also nearly wipes the floor with Palharine. It's more touching than it sounds.

Also, Palharine's genderfluid and Maydays a trans woman, so those things just inherently spark joy for me, haha!

This has been, real robotic character hours.

Hello sis I hope you’re fine and that this message finds you well

I really really really love your content. It is so amazing and he helps me so much.

I’m coming to you because I am always in the high end, places where there, those rich men and I feel like it is difficult for them to come to me there, so how do I do to go to them in a nice way, so that we can start speaking to each other

How do I do that point of contact with them?

Because that’s not just about men it is also about networking, so I really need help on that

Thanks for reading.

Hi angel :)

Thank you so much for being here!

Okay so you are in the right places but you are not really meeting people. I am going to give you some suggestions. I don't know which you do or don't do currently. So maybe try incorporating what applies.

Look the part. Make sure your style fits in aesthetically with everyone else. If you are under dressed, they know you wont belong. You have to show them you deserve to be there too. (I can write tips on this in s separate post if need be.) Grooming included. Make sure your nails and hair are done. TRUST ME people notice.

Don't only focus on talking to guys, especially if the main reason you're there is for networking. This is also obvious and looks not only distasteful, but it can make people respect you less. If you want to fit in, make sure to connect with the women too. When you talk to them, remember to be polite, charming and focus the conversation on them. Try to find common interests in the conversation and focus on that. Make sure you truly like and care about this thing. If you don't, it will be obvious.

Show confidence and pride in who you are. When you feel good and proud about how you look and what you've achieved, it will be clear in how you act and talk. This also matters when it comes to getting the attention of good guys. You probably already know that people like being around those who are happy with themselves. By showing that you're proud of who you are, you're telling everyone that you feel sure of yourself and deserve their notice.

Being kind and graceful is also super important for any woman. it will show in your aura. Treating yourself, others, and the world around you with kindness can help you feel more sure of yourself and strong, which will attract guys who like positive vibes. No matter what you choose, just make sure it lets your inner beauty shine through.

Read the room with and be observant of others. As you are scanning the room or walking around the venue, make eye contact, walk tall and SMILE :) This way you will look more approachable, confident and open to interactions. Remember, guys often observe a woman before they decide to talk to her. If they see you being unfriendly, they might decide not to approach you at all. It's like they're crossing your name off the list before you even get a chance.

Meeting people might seem tough, but it's actually quite simple. Just say hi and introduce yourself to those nearby. When you're around unfamiliar faces, reach out to the people next to you, shake hands, and say, "Hi, I'm..." It's a small step, yet lots of folks find it hard. Try doing this a few times during the evening. You'll be amazed at how nice people can be when you take the first step. And remember, the more folks you meet, the better your chances of finding the right guy. I would personally try to find something I like about the person that I can compliment or find a similar interest I can bring up " I noticed that you...". Alternatively, you can simply bring up something that's going on around you "Is it always this busy on Tuesdays ?!.."

Don't spend your time going after guys who aren't interested in you, and don't keep chasing them after you've shown your interest. You've already let them know you're interested. The pursuit is what keeps their attention. If you're always available, there's no challenge, and guys might lose interest. It's good to be approachable, but you also don't want to seem too simple or uncomplicated.

Certain type of men look for certain type of women. It is important you reflect that. ( I can write a separate post on this as well as I don't think anyone on this platform even talks about this lol )

The Wayhaven Chronicles—Update 13/May/2022

Ohhh! So much to tell you this week! :D

Ok, so I know you guys are probably sick of me talking about the retreat by now, but it was SO amazing! I learnt an absolute ton, and it was so awesome to have someone explain it to you right there. 

Reading writing advice in a book or online is fantastic, but it really does make a difference when you can have someone there explaining how you could adapt that into your own style of writing!

We did a class on character introductions, which was very timely as I was writing that at the time. But one piece of advice—about how your reader is more likely to remember a side character if they have at least a paragraph of interaction with them—made me rethink how I was writing it. So I went back this week and redid that, and now I LOVE it! 

Not only will it help with that, but I got the chance to show a bit more of these new characters' personalities in those moments because of that extended interaction (each of them got a choice set for the MC to choose from on how to introduce themself).

But one of the biggest things I had fun with there was one task we had where we had to do reversals. We had to take our love interest (I had to pick one) and take our antagonist (again, I had to pick just one, lol!) and flip them. 

The love interest became the baddy, and the antagonist became the love interest.

It was...very interesting! Especially as I have been writing the characters for over half of my life, and these good guys have always been good guys, hehe! 

I chose Adam/Ava, and I turned their past and their 'trying to always choose the logical choice' as their main traits to twist.

For the antagonist...well, that would be spoilery, hehe! I chose a baddy who is a bigger player later in the series.

But oh my word! We all remarked how disturbingly easy it was was to flip the traits around and make them baddies! But the class leader was saying that was kind of the point. Characters should always have that balance to them. If it was difficult to flip them, then you've made them unbalanced, and it's a great way of seeing how to fix that.

I got Nai to read it, and I was seriously thrilled at how surprised she was that Adam/Ava still read like Adam/Ava. She was expecting them to be all baddy, but they were still them just scarily the baddy. If that makes sense? :D

And with it being social media days this week, I typed up that scenario (minus a few super spoilery bits!) and have that scheduled as the Monthly Bonus Content #2 for you guys on Patreon later this month. 

Hope you enjoy Adam/Ava in all their villainous glory, hehe! :D

But yeah, I was super keen to get back to writing with all this new info in my head! So after social media days, I was back into like you wouldn't believe! I'm actually going to finish two of the three split scene sections for this chapter by tomorrow! 

Which means I might just be able to finish Chapter 12 next week!!! 

Phew! That was a lot of blabbering in the update this week :D I'm just still buzzing about the retreat and how well I've done this week!

Hope you all have the most amazing weekend! We'll be offline as usual, so I'll update you all again next week! <3

one time too many - adrian pucey 

description: loving someone who refuses to acknowledge they love you back warnings: angst word count: 1k a/n: being a jo march kin is hard. not my usual style i hope u like.

It's a mistake that's happened one too many times. Kissing your best friend at a party shouldn't warrant for this bad of a reaction. Usually the conversation is short, Y/N tells Adrian she doesn't want a relationship and Adrian tells her he's okay with that. But this time they are hidden behind the castle, the evening sun blazing above them as they argue. 

“I’ve been patient but I can't deny it anymore and I know you feel the same way so what are we doing?” Adrian sighs with sad but confused eyes staring down at her.

He remembers the first time he had kissed her, devouring each other with so much want and need they had stumbled into the wall giggling between pecks. Waking up the next morning remembering the taste of her lips against his and how right it felt. He had been hurt when she told him she didn't like him but he dealt with it. The second time had given him a little more hope. The third left him in an emotional mess and the fourth, well he had just been thankful she kept choosing him. But enough was enough. It hurt too much.

“I’ve told you… I can’t be in a relationship, I can't like you like that” her face is stone cold despite a hot feeling beginning to rise in her throat. 

“Cant or wont?” Y/N has to look away from his gaze as he quizzes her, digging the tips of her shoes into dirt below her. “Answer me” 

She swallows, wincing at her own thoughts running through her head. She wont let herself love. It was like everytime the feeling arose she shut it down, pressing it deeper into the back of her mind to ignore it and deal with it later. Especially when it came to Adrian. 

“Those feelings… I just can't Adrian okay? Being loved is nice but loving someone is different for me it feels like” she pauses trying to explain what it exactly felt like. 

If vulnerability was a feeling would it be the hollowing out of someone's chest? Would affection be the pins and needles you get in your hands when you've leaned on it for too long? Would love be the pain in your joints that don't have any real cause? How could she possibly say love felt like pain?

“My love for you is nice?” he exclaims a crack almost revealing itself in his voice “So what do you want me to do? Follow you around giving you my attention and affection and get nothing in return?”

“No thats-”

“You know I have tried, I have tried to not love you. To look at you like a friend and someone i admire but fuck y/n i cant help but be in love with you. The little things like how there's always that one piece of hair that doesn't want to stay in place, how your eyes light up when you see the moon, how you sigh but not because you are sad or exhausted, but because you've focused so hard you've forgotten to breathe out until the last minute” he chokes out a laugh of pain turning his head to the side running his hand through his hair tugging at it slightly “Do you notice those things about me?” 

Of course she had. She had noticed how he cracks his fingers when he's nervous and when he drinks a cup of tea he cups his cheeks to warm his face after holding the mug. She had noticed the small things about Adrian that were endearing. Yet that hadn't been enough to knock down the steel walls blocked around her heart. Hadn't been enough to convince her that she needed love, no, that she craved love; His love. 

“That's not fair,” she whispers, shaking her head. He was making her into a villain or maybe he was making her realise, realise she liked him just as much as he liked her. 

“Not fair for you or me?” he questions his jaw tightening. 

The beating in her chest is so rapid she can feel it against her ribcage. Her heart trying to claw its way out of the shield she's created for herself to reconnect with its missing piece. Like they were part of the same star and it recognised his matter was familiar, that it was its own. 

“I need time” a breathless confession as she squeezes her nails against her palm to distract herself from the sting in her eyes and pain in her chest. 

“I don't have any more time left to give” He swallows pausing for a moment to gather his thoughts “If you leave you’ll convince yourself out of whatever you feel in this moment and I cant have this conversation again” 

He was right. The more time she had to dwell over it the more she would analyse her feelings and tell herself what she felt wasn't real or worthy of pursuing. It would never be enough for Adrian and they had gone back and forth between these feelings for too long to ever come back from it. Even if she was to find Adrian in ten years time with the same aching heart for him she would feel too guilty to propose her feelings, not after everything she had put him through. 

“I’m sorry” 

A weak smile plasters his face “I believe you” 

She takes the sight of him in. How the sun shines against his skin causing him to glow under its light, eyes bursting with different shades of brown and pattern. Singular beauty sports crawling up the side of his neck and broad but soft shoulders. She had once dreamed of kissing those spots and tracing them with her fingers. Had been held against his chest feeling his body heat collide with her own creating a warmth in her chest she had never felt with any other person or friend. She could have that warmth forever if she just let herself. 

When he walked away she was left staring at the greying stones of the castle wall, cold and uninviting. Her world was no longer colourful like it had once been with Adrian Pucey in it. 

Her world was dull and it had been her own fault. 

(Join my) taglist: @limerenze @lilyswh0re @dayangestre @rottenstyx @solacestyles

Empire of Storms

4/5 stars

*Spoilers for Empire of Storms by Sarah J. Maas.

Aelin’s secret plans are getting tedious and repetitive, to the point where I don’t actually care about her character as much anymore because I know she’ll just pull out some secret plan like always. It was fun at first, but 6 books in, I would enjoy seeing her through the process for these plans instead of just being told about them when needed. All of this made me sort of relieved about how this book ended because for once, she wasn’t saves by some convenient secret plan and now I’m actually excited to read Kingdom of Ash.

The whole reveal to Rolfe that Aelin was Celaena gave me secondhand embarrassment. How Rowan did not get the ick is beyond me. I’m far more invested in Manon and Dorian than anyone else. That was an odd pairing at first but I’m so excited to see where their relationship goes. I felt sad for Manon for a lot of this book, especially her finding out that she killed her half sister. I’m obsessed with Abraxos!!! I’ll be so sad if he dies, but knowing SJM’s style, I don’t think that will happen.

I partially discussed this next point in my review of The Assasin’s Blade, which is that SJM could have made its position in the series so much clearer if she wanted to. Illias and the Silent Assassins appearance was barely explained. It’s not important to the story that Illias and Celaena had a ‘fling,’ but it would have been nice to have more context on the Silent Assassin’s for those who didn’t read AB since it’s not officially been listed as an essential book in the series. This is especially important regarding Ansel of Briarcliff, too. There is so much history there with her and Aelin and the extent of it wasn’t mentioned. I don’t fully understand why they’re back on such friendly terms after the last interaction between her and Aelin. Obviously Aelin needed Ansel’s help and I understand her putting the greater good above her own grudge, but they’e talking like good friends in EoS and I don’t recall reading about why Aelin essentially forgives her and is so trusting all of a sudden. I’d actually love to read about how Ansel became Queen of the Wastes.

As usual, there were a lot of interesting reveals towards the end. The chapter with Nehemia going through the marshes for weeks on her own and wanting to sacrifice herself was beautifully written. I would absolutely read a whole book about her life before coming to Rifthold.

I had a feeling Rowan and Aelin were mates, but I did not see the marriage coming. This is the second secret wedding scene I’d like to demand from SJM as a bonus chapter (iykyk). Lysandra now acting as Aelin is also so twisted and interesting. It’s one of my favorite plot points so far and I can’t wait to see what comes of it in KoA.

I liked Elide in the last book, but didn’t particularly enjoy reading about her in this one. She had Aelin, Manon, and Lorcan fighting over their ‘claim’ to her and I kept waiting for her to stand up for herself and tell them that she will choose. Like, girl, you’ve been ‘owned’ for most of your life… I’ll be very surprised if she doesn’t say something along those lines in KoA. 

I didn’t know how I felt about Aedion until this book. I’ve decided I don’t like him and he’s just very… clingy? I would not be mad if he was killed off at some point soon. I might even dislike him more than Chaol. 

I would appreciate a family tree at the start of these books alongside/instead of a map because it easily gets confusing. When Elena revealed her mother was Mala, I didn’t know that was supposed to be a big reveal because I still have very little idea about what the relationship between her and Aelin and Maeve is. I also didn’t pick up on how Aelin and Dorian and loosely related and I still have no clue about how all that connects. I’m still trying to figure out how Roland fit into things. I’d appreciate a diagram of sorts, but I don’t want to Google a family tree until after the series in case there are spoilers.

I also didn’t do the tandem read so I’ll have to read through about 700 pages of Tower of Dawn before finding out what happens to Aelin which I’m not particularly looking forward to because I truly do not care for Chaol or Nesryn.

Can I just say how HARD it is to avoid spoilers for KoA… My algorithm on insta and TikTok is fully ACOTAR right now so I see the occasional Throne of Glass videos and I’m still so impressed that I’ve been able to avoid things, but we’ll see if I fully get through the next two books without spoilers. My theory as of now is that there will be a time skip at some point in KoA, maybe a few centuries even? I also think Dorian is going to end up evil. I'm excited for the political drama that will come from Dorian and Manon’s relationship.

The last 50 pages or so of this book are 5 stars. Overall, 4.

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. spread the self-love ❤

🥺💜💙

Thank you for the ask Anon!!! BUT HOW CAN YOU MAKE ME CHOOSE BETWEEN 99 (soon to be 100) FICS!?!?!?

I managed to narrow it down with some bonuses lol

All of it under the cut:

Haunted Bliss- Star Wars. Dinluke. Not complete. Modern AU. Explicit but hasn't gotten to the sexy times lol. It has a mystery element to it and I am proud of the build-up I have leading up to the reveal (which hasn't happened yet)

Din thought all he had to deal with is living in a haunted house for the rest of his life with his son.

Then Luke Skywalker waltzed into his life.

Total Slut (For You)- Star Wars. Dinluke. Complete. Modern AU. Rated T. Very proud of this piece; it is one of the first pieces I did when I started writing Dinluke. I really poured a lot into this fic.

Luke expected the Naboo Pride Parade to be the same as it was every year he attended. Until he literally ran into Din Djarin.

These Creatures of Ours- Naruto. KakaIru. Complete Fantasy/historical. T Rated. Did this piece for a KakaIru mini bang and focused on less focused mythological creatures from Scottish legends. Had fun writing it because it was a bit of an experiment in writing style and the story is sweet.

In the northernmost part of Scotland, the tale of the Wulver and the Ghillie Dhu lives on.

Folklore tales for KakaIru Mini Bang event!

In Your Hands- Naruto. Sort of 1940s WWII-inspired. Complete. EXPLICIT. KisaHina. Alpha/Beta/Omega. This is part of a series with HashiObi being the first in the series but I liked this one because a. I love the pairing and b. writing the story was just fun! Post War/spies/love surviving against the odds.

Hinata thought that dying was the thing she had to worry about the most. But what happens when your world falls apart, leaving you shattered and empty? Especially by the man that you trusted the most...

I Only Want Your Ambrosia- Naruto. HashiObi. Incomplete. Hanahaki Disease. T Rated. Story has angst but I love how the writing flows. I am still trying to tackle the next chapter (I know what I WANT to write, but not how to write it) but I can't wait for the finale

Hanahaki doesn't care who you are in love with. If it is unrequited than it will appear.

Obito knew this better than anyone else. After all, he was in love with a dead man.

Save the First Dance- Naruto. HashiObi. Complete. Rated T. Royalty. I love how I wrote Hashirama and Obito in this and the backstory. PLUS: FLUFF! PURE FLUFF.

It was tradition that in order for the monarch to propose and pronounce his consort, they must either dance with the person at the beginning or the end of the Royal Ball. And this must be done by the age of 30, or they would have to abate the throne.

It is the final Royal Ball for King Hashirama to make his choice, and Commander Obito is dreading every second to the moment. For as long as he could remember, he has always been in love with the king. But there were so many obstacles in his way with a war and laws that forbidden such a relationship.

But now, those things are no more, and Obito has to watch as Hashirama chooses his spouse. While he would forever pine, it would be okay, because as long as Hashirama was happy, that is all that mattered.

Unmasked- Naruto. HashiObi. Rated T. Complete. THE fic that helped me overcome years of writing burnout! Where I only had 5 fics on AO3, after writing this fic I now have 99 fics (mostly for the Naruto fandoms and multiple rarepair fics). It might not be the best work but because it helped me overcome writers burnout and I love the descriptions I did, it has a special place in my heart.

Hashirama is an artist that is in a rut. To find some inspiration, he goes to a local museum, bound and determined. Yet in his search, he stumbles upon something unexpected and so much better.

The Man With Two Faces- Star Wars/Mandalorian. No pairing. G rated. Complete. This was written before season 2 of the Mandalorian so not totally accurate but I wrote the fic with Grogu's POV in mind. I am proud how it turned out! One of the only fics I have every done in the first-person POV.

I travel with a man who has two faces

We Match- Naruto. No pairing. Rated T. Complete. WARNING: ANGST! ANGST OUT THE ASS. I MADE MYSELF CRY WRITING THIS FIC! Tobirama-Centric. This is not a fic however that is angst for angst sake. It is an exploration of how Tobirama handles one of his brother's deaths in the Founders era. BUT IT IS SAD.

It felt like he had stopped breathing ever since Kawarama’s death.

Alright kiddos, Daddy Jace is going to sit you all down for a long post. With twitter (and probably tumblr?) implementing genai i decided to take it upon myself to test both Nightshade and Glaze so you don't have to. Or to maybe clear some stuff up regarding both programs bc i myself was not able to find info on the quality in relation to stylized art! I'm risking my own butt for this lol

lets start with Glaze since that's just what i opened first. for clarity sake, this is what I'm chucking into it. i decided to go with 3 levels of images, starting with a basic no background fairly simplistic piece, a more detailed subject, and a full background piece from a long abandoned wip in favor of redoing it in a sense.

now there are 3 main settings I've noticed for glaze, its a default medium and high setting (there's render times too, but for this test I'm staying on the default render time which is medium and takes about 2 minutes per image)

For the most part it hasn't crazily distorted my images but you can still see some discoloration in the art. not a big deal for me personally, as you can still make out what's going on just fine. it gets pretty rough in some of the background on the big image, but thats probably the worst of it for this setting. next we will do medium!

haha ooookay just for your knowledge, I'm writing this in real time. OKAY yeah so, medium is where you will see the diminishing return it seems, while it probably really fucks with ai, unfortunately at this point my images look pretty distorted especially in backgrounds and high detail areas. but i will do high just in case anyway

Yeah so this is where the full distortion happens in all 3. again, you can still see the subject and key details, but its a bit unsavory isn't it?

now i want to make something clear. the program itself will give you feedback if the protection is enough, and for all of these tests it was fine so unless you aren't too worried about how the pictures look on social media (ie, if you share a full version in patreon/send the raw com to the owner) you can most likely choose default without any issues.

we are moving onto nightshade! in nightshade it has roughly the same UI, with the option to select a poison tag. we will come back to this later ass you can only use it on 1 image at a time. its settings are low, default, and high with similar rendering times and i will be using the same images to test them out :D starting with the low setting!

Now, i don't know if its just because I'm fresh out of the high settings from glaze, but i personally prefer this setting on my artwork. it doesn't have as much of the "oilspill" look that glaze has and is harder to notice the distortion at a glance. onto the default setting though!

Once again, prefer this over the medium for my style in particular. a lot less muddling and color distortion . obviously still there, but not effecting the details as much. High next!

This is definitely the too much gene lol however i would compare it to the medium of the glaze. Though, and this is important, please choose based off what you feel fits your needs. for me, nightshade is what i will use but it wont be the same for everyone. i just hope this gives a good comprehension on what each program does! now, to explain the tagging. in batches it will automatically tag, but it seems this is just to make an invisible coded footprint if you will in everything you do. you can overwrite them in your results, or if you do image by image (ie, if you make a new image, and put it through nightshade) you can tag it there. i will personally just be using my username as my tag going forward. and to show how that looks on an image with standard settings just to show that's its not effecting your image any extra on a visual front.

and that concludes Jace's decent into madness.

the biggest stipulation, is these are both windows/macos based applications for now

HOWEVER while I am able (given I'm not swarmed) i am more than happy to help those who would like to protect themselves and do not have the means to and i encourage others to do the same if they are comfortable. please reach out. FUCK AI ART

If you'll excuse me, I'm about to go into Deltarune Theory Mode, about something I've had brewing in the back of my mind for months. I want to be the first person on record about this, if my theory is correct.

I don't think that the speaker in the SURVEY_PROGRAM intro is Gaster. Or any character we've already met.

First off, the speaker does not use either Wingdings or Aster as his font. Instead, he uses the game's default font (introduced with a glowing variation, before later reverting to the regular sharp-edges version), in a slow and deliberate typing style with no sound for his voice.

Next, the theme that plays during the intro is obviously inspired by Gaster's theme, but the titles are interesting -- Gaster's theme is "mus_st_him", whereas the music during the intro is "Another Him" -- seemingly citing another individual, rather than being another theme for the same character.

This character seems to be very heavily tied to communication and connection. In the mysterious tweets preceding the game's reveal, the character spoke of being in contact soon, and that he and you are on the verge of connection. When you start the game, he asks, "ARE WE CONNECTED?"

Jevil and Spamton are, of course, implied to have been getting information from a mystery character, often theorized to be Gaster. Jevil met a strange man, whose knowledge drove him mad from the revelation. Spamton was in constant contact with a person who brought him success, until suddenly he was cut off from his benefactor and similarly spiraled into madness. Both Spamton and Jevil are unique in having real spoken voice clips; notably, in the SURVEY_PROGRAM intro, one of the gifts you can give to the discarded vessel is VOICE as well.

(Sidenote, the only other voice clips are the singer of Don't Forget/Until Next Time, and the "HEY" in It's Pronounced "Rules" that Rouxls also says in a speech bubble. I think both are significant, but that's more for other speculation.)

Personally, I do think that Gaster was Spamton's benefactor, as well as the mystery man who met Jevil. But I don't think he was the voice at the beginning of the game.

Seeing as the default font, and therefore his voice, is 8-Bit Operator, I'm choosing to call him The Operator.

An operator can mean a few things. In mathematics, it refers to the function of an equation, such as plus for addition or times for multiplication. In machinery, it refers to the person using the machine. In business, it refers to someone running the enterprise.

More significantly, in telecommunications, the operator is a middle man who facilitates communication, by assisting users or working with the telephone switchboard. Such a person would be responsible for maintaining the connection between Gaster and Spamton during their phone calls -- as well as potentially being the reason that contact is lost, and why an attempted phone call might only return garbage noise.

Another meaning of operator is a manipulator. Someone controlling, someone who makes other people do what he wants. Someone who pulls the strings. The Operator very well could have manipulated Gaster or those he offers his help to.

My personal theory? Is that the Operator sabotaged Gaster's experiment and caused his disappearance, potentially due to him knowing too much and sharing too much. For as much as Gaster has a spooky reputation, everyone who talks about him seems to agree that he's quite the honorable and charitable man. The dissonance seems a bit too off to attribute to Gaster being a malicious chessmaster, especially for someone whose death was an accident.

I also think a lot about how the Operator speaks about connecting you. He's the one who tells you that your choices don't matter, and that it's not you who you are playing as, but rather, another individual that got saddled with the SOUL you control. Kris, the SOUL, and you-the-player all seem to be fully different entities with fully distinct motivations, that just happen to line up for the plot. The SOUL seems to be a new addition to Kris's life, as of the moment they wake up in the beginning of the game, because up until that very day, Kris acted like a different person. I think the moment the Operator created that connection, was the moment Kris's life changed. And, of course, it's driving Kris absolutely up the wall.

Howdy! My names Paradox, or Para by some of my pals. One of them, the good lady Trinity, actually directed me to you to ask this question!

I’m a budding writer, comic artist, and so on who’s been enthralled by a book project of mine lately. Trinity suggested I use Wattpad as a publishing venture because of your personal experience with the company!

I just wanted to ask some questions about using Wattpad to publish one’s work, anything will help!

First off! Would you suggest it for first time publishing?

If not, what would your suggestion be?

Any tips for me in this pursuit?

I hope you find the time to, and I hope you’re having a good day!

Hello! I'll DM you in a few minutes for a more detailed conversation about your actual book, but my first instinct would be to ask:

a) what the project is, and

b) what your goal with it is.

Depending on both of those things, Wattpad (or any of the other serializing platforms like it) may or may not be the right choice for your project.

What is Your Project?

Original Work - make sure that wherever you choose to share the book, there's a clear ToS that indicates that the copyright of the novel stays with the creators at all times. Also take a look at the recommended chapter/part/episode length on the different platforms--you may find your work better suited to one or the other based on the platform's word length requirements or best practices notices.

Genre and Medium - different sorts of projects thrive on different platforms. Radish is great for steamy, spicy, dark, sexy romances. Tapas seems to be the shrine of BoysLove/BL graphic novels/thumbscrollers. Wattpad is great for fandom work and YA. Webtoons seems to be a great place for KDrama style comics. Take a good hard look at your work's genre and where other works like yours thrive, and figure out which platform already comes pre-loaded with your ideal readership. (Note: some platforms have strict rules about how many other places you can publish the same work, and at what times, especially if you're monetizing it.)

Fanfic - Like the above, consider the different sites and see which one has the legal protection, curation, and fandom/readership that would best suit your tale. You can't monetize fanfic, so going where the readers are is the best way to get all those kudos and warm fuzzies.

What is Your Goal?

Just Sharing For the Fun of it / Practice - I'd say dive right in, then! Who knows what will happen! You might get some great feedback, make some awesome friends, garner some great moots and build a wonderful and supportive community, and learn loads. There's nothing saying you can't share one for free and then look into monetizing the next project.

To Make Money - people can be stingy and judgy with things that are behind paywalls, so make sure your work is the most polished it can be, and fits the best practices of the site you've chosen as well as you're able. On some sites you're allowed to control whether you'd like to monetize your work, and some others you have to apply to/ submit to be considered. Take a good look at each of the models on the sites you're considering and decide which one works best for what you want.

To Get Traditionally Published - the path from selfpublished on a serialization site to traditionally published is a very thin, not particularly well-worn one. Besides the books specifically hand picked by the Wattpad Books and W by Wattpad publishing teams (usually through the Watty Awards), or their graphic novel/comic side Webtoon who publish the Webtoon Unscrolled books, I can think of vanishingly few novels that have been selfpubbed first and then picked up for traditional publication. If you want your project to be tradpubbed, maybe try querying agents and indie publishers first.

That said, having a project on a site like Wattpad will give you a lot of experience and metrics that you can brag about if you elect to query around a second or different project. I cite my serialization site readership numbers in my tradpub marketing documents all the time.

Have a Movie Made - Maybe take a screenwriting class instead? If the ultimate goal is to get a movie made of your story, why not just write a movie? It is a lot rarer than it seems from the outside for a novel to be adapted, and if that's the only reason you're doing it, consider that maybe you're writing for the wrong medium. For more info on that, read my article about How Books Become Movies.

Become Internet Famous - You do you, I guess. I have no idea how it would work, and no advice for that because I am deffo not Internet Famous, and have no desire to be. Looks exhausting. But don't let me stop you!

Already Available

No matter what serialization site you choose to publish on, be aware that this means the manuscript will forevermore be what is considered "Already Published" by the whole traditional publishing business machine. It's out there for free already--so why should any agent or publisher pick it up when they won't be able to get readers to pay for it?

There are very, very few agents and publishers willing to look at Already Available projects , and generally only those with massive pre-existing readerships and fanbases.

If you're okay with that, then by all means, selfpub on these sites. But go into it knowing that the tradpub world considers posting to serialization apps to be basically equivalent to selfpubbing (and that's neither good, nor bad. No value judgement here. It just means that they'd have to approach the marketing and business side of things in a certain kind of way. For all that they deal in stories and sell beautiful pieces of writer's souls and imagination, never forget that tradpub is An Industry (tm), and many, many of the decisions are made because Capitalism.)

Do your Research

Talk to other writers on the site if it seems scammy, or the offers are Too Good to Be True. Be careful where you share your original work and what you agree to. Read all the contracts thoroughly.

Be Prepared to Hustle

That's not to say that there's no hustle involved with getting your work out there, particularly on social media, if you are a traditionally published author. There's loads, especially post-publication as most marketing efforts and budgets are spent on the pre-release leadup.

But if you're selfpubbing on a serialization site, you're going to have to do all of your own marketing and talking yourself up. That includes joining and participating on forums, discords, chat groups, writer's groups; creating and sharing graphics and book trailers on social media; BookTokking (if you like that sort of thing); volunteering at conventions or meetups; hosting workshops or free writer's lessons, and answering qs like these (* winky face *); submit it for on-site promotions and contests; etc.

You'll have to review recent trends in book covers for your age market, genre, and platform and create a cover that will attract the right readers. You'll need to craft pitch copy for your book using the same research and meticulous editing. And you'll need to look into metrics to figure out what time of day/day of the week it's best to drop new parts/episodes/chapters.

And of course, what took you months, perhaps years to write and perfect, it takes readers a mere matter of hours to consume. So you'll always need to be thinking of the next project if you're looking to build a sustained career and readership out of the posting.

Or you know, maybe you don't have to do any of that. Maybe you can just share exactly how you want to, when you want to, why you want to, and enjoy that too! Again it all depends on what your goals are.

What you choose to put into it, you will probably mostly get back out of it. Sweat equity Return on Investment is always a crapshoot.

(But hey, I keep doing it because I enjoy it. I love sharing stories and reading people's comments and enthusiasms for my tales.)

In the End, There are No Guarantees

So wherever you decide to post, however you decide to post, make sure that you keep your expectations realistic and your heart open. Everything you hope may come to pass, or your story could sink and get no views. Make sure you're okay with either happening, and remember to celebrate all the little wins, and have fun.

Happy holidays, @trixicbean ! I was your secret Santa for @thasminsecretsanta this year. Please enjoy today's chapter and keep an eye for the next one tomorrow. I will put the full text under the cut ⬇️ and you can check it out on ao3 as well⬆️. I wish you a wonderful rest of the year!

5

Patience has never been the Doctor's forte. Right now staring at the closed door to the TARDIS's wardrobe felt like her time senses were broken beyond repair and every objective second stretched like taffy - neverending and hurting her teeth.

No need to be dramatic, she told herself. It's not like we're going to be late for the ball. We've got a time machine. TARDIS hummed, soothing, at the back of her mind. The Doctor only wished it meant that the ship would cooperate with choosing their destination coordinates.

Just as she was thinking, again, of knocking, the door opened.

"Hey, Doctor, I know you gave me a magazine and all that, but these future hairstyles are near impossible. You sure I can't just go with braids? A little bit of retro can't be that bad for the timelines."

Thankfully, Yaz was too focused on a thin sheet of disposable screen in her hands to notice the Doctor staring at her, speechless. Yaz chose a suit of vibrant, electric blue. The fabric, draped in artsy folds of twenty-third century fashion, shimmered with her every move, like lightning over water. Her wide trousers almost resembled a skirt — ideal for a bit of running they might be bound to do in every place they went to. The top was flowy, coming up to her collarbones, shifting in a way that momentarily outlined her soft curves before hiding them away again. She wore some shiny eyeshadow as well, just enough to turn her dark eyes into two black wholes in the centres of glittering galaxies. Only when the Doctor found those eyes trained on her, she remembered she was supposed to say something.

"Yeah... I mean- absolutely not! I'm positive!"

The Doctor was sure she wasn't making any sense, but Yaz seemed to get the point as she laughed.

"It's 2230s, Yaz," said the Doctor, her confidence boosted. "It's all about maximalism. If you do a simple style, you'll stand out too much, and we have to blend in. No interfering, we're only there to observe."

Yaz gave her the best "yeah, 'course" look.

"Well that and appetizers." She grinned, and the Doctor's eyes were immediately drawn to her dark purple lipstick.

"Promised you the best canapes in Earth's history, didn't I?" Luckily, the Doctor's mouth was running on autopilot while her brain was treacherously coming up with multiple ways to ruin that lipstick, none of which involved tiny sandwiches.

"Wouldn't wanna miss them, then. Will you help me do my hair?" Yaz ran her fingers through her curls, untangling some of the mess.

"Of course. Why not?" the Doctor said as she followed Yaz to the vanity table.

It might go so wrong.

"I hope you know what you're doing," Yaz said as the Doctor took a few strands and started weaving a pattern.

"You and me both," the Doctor mumbled. "Just have to follow the tutorial and everything will be fine."

Yaz laughed.

"You'd never do that. You look at any set of instructions and do the complete opposite."

"Oi! I can do that! Especially when something as important as Yasmin Khan's look is at stake."

It went surprisingly smooth. The Doctor only had to go back and undo the knots twice, and in the end they both agreed that the alterations she made were better than the original (or at least not worth remaking).

Yaz was inspecting herself in the mirror. Then her critical gaze shifted to the Doctor's reflection.

"What will you be wearing?" she asked, curious.

"Oh, I'm already dressed," the Doctor turned on her heel and her grey coat billowed around her.

"You can't be serious." Yaz's eyes were wide in disbelief. "Doctor, you can't give me a lecture about maximalism and blending in and then wear the same bloody thing as always."

"Well, I have a couple of tricks up my sleeve."

The Doctor winked and pulled out the sonic pointing it at herself. Her dark coat lining lit up with silver pinpricks, like night sky. The lights were moving over fabric, blinking on and off, and seemed to escape her clothes entirely and float in the air around.

Yaz gaped.

"Impressive," she said finally. "You still have to do something with your hair, though."

"I didn't think about that," the Doctor admitted.

"Of course you didn't, you bighead. Come on, let's find something."

They ventured into the depths of the wardrobe. After several minutes the Doctor wished she made a better cataloguing system. It was all over the place, an Elizabethan gown with Bronze Age Greek pauldrons draped over it, worn riding boots tucked away near a jewelry box full of Venusian treasures.

"Oh, that's it!"

The Doctor heard Yaz's words from behind a cabinet of her many umbrellas and rushed to have a look. Yaz was pointing at an old dummy head with a delicate headpiece made of silver chains and tiny crystals resting on top.

The Doctor squinted.

"Seems appropriate."

"Let's try it on."

Yaz scooped up the accessory and started fiddling with it. In a dusty mirror over her shoulder the Doctor saw the chains and crystals flow through her blonde hair like a starfall. Never interested in her own reflection, the Doctor moved her eyes to Yaz.

Their faces were so close that the Doctor could smell clean and sweet scent of hair styling gel, could feel Yaz's soft breathing on her skin. Yaz's lips were pursed in concentration, her fingers warm and careful as she tried to place every strand exactly right. The Doctor wanted to smooth out the worry from the human's lips, to say that the old and daft Time Lord was not worth such deep and loving attention. But she stayed silent and unmoved, drinking in every feather-light touch.

Sharp pain stabbed through the Doctor's hearts. She couldn't get attached. Not now, when she thought she had perfected her little game of dancing on a wire, the fragile and delicate balance of being close enough to not feel lonely, yet staying far enough to not grieve her future loss. The only solution was to have nothing to lose.

Yaz seemed to sense something and frowned, making eye contact. It would be so easy to give in and reach out for something more, something new, and beautiful, and doomed. It was so hard to pull away.

Something shifted in the air. The Doctor didn't have time to proccess as the next thing she heard was Ryan's cheery voice.

"Did you fall asleep in there or what?"

Yaz was the first one to react.

"Took you long enough to go looking for us!" she teased.

A beat, and the boys appeared from behind the shelves, having followed her voice.

"You don't look half bad," Yaz said approvingly.

She was right. Ryan was dressed in a suit of simple black colour but intricate cut and design, hugging his figure, with a caplet draped over his shoulders. His hair and face were covered with a generous helping of glitter. There was obvious awkwardness in his posture, but the Doctor hoped it would dissipate as soon as they'd start having fun at the ball. Ryan, for all his shyness, knew better than to let something as insignificant as glitter and a whimsical outfit dampen his mood.

"Shut up," he retorted, with no real bite in his tone. "Your hair is proper fancy, though."

Graham tapped his foot impatiently. He opted for a hat, obviously not wanting to bother with styling. His clothes were an explosion of floral embroidery, colourful and lighting up the room.

"You all look lovely, now can we go? I was promised a bite to eat."

"Alright, fam," the Doctor couldn't help but smile, warm and fond. All the loss and grief in the world could wait for her far away from now, in the future. "Let's get a shift on."

Sorry, I always see your posts late. More thoughts on to be the knife? Character moments you didn't get to include or backstory that didn't make it onto the page or how do Xiazi and Xiao Hua end up crossing paths again?

(you don't see them late, and there is no expiry on asks or ask memes for me. you just need to link to it if it's a numbered question so i know which post to refer to for example. i just explicitly post inviting asks because i have limited energy, have recently been travelling abroad and this week have the requisite flare-up, and i also sometimes just want to make it clear when people will get a timely reply. and often, if it's a message i want to really think about, it'll take some time anyway! so yeah, you're all good <3)

OH, OH THERE IS SO MUCH. especially because i'd ideally like to write another fic in that universe, with the proviso i have a Backlog and a promised heist au because of that one poll. i'm tagging @difeisheng mostly for the sake of it being a shared baby so they can pull me back in line if i've forgotten/misremembered something.

i think the most fun thing to focus on in this reply is how they cross paths again, which is that the victim in the current murder case is, in fact, an ex-employee of xiao hua's. xiao hua has a spy network throughout the city, and a large number are women and men who were previously indentured sex workers, and xiao hua bought their contracts and destroyed the contracts, usually dramatically in front of the people, then offered them a job working for him in some capacity. this means that even if the person chooses to leave sex work and say, open a business (which he might give them a loan to open) or work in a hotel etc (he'll assist that too), they can still accept working for him as a direct spy. or otherwise, they know they owe him a favour he can call in. the women in the brothel in that fic have actively chosen to stay in the profession. he isn't helping people find jobs or open businesses or get married out of the goodness of his heart, it's because hope is a valuable currency to buy extreme loyalty, and often is more effective than fear in certain cases.

so, xiao hua is pretty concerned that an employee of his has shown up dead. and he doesn't like the implication he can't take care of his own. so he ends up helping wu xie solve the case, and this involves him and hei xiazi infilitrating a western-style dance hall, posing as a couple. xiao hua in this is still very trans, remember, and so he decides to dress in western women's clothes of the time and pose as a short-haired ingenue, and hei xiazi sees this and just about drops dead, since i apparently only write one kind of cross-dressing.*

we just thought it'd be fun to have xiao hua in a typical 30s ballroom-appropriate gown sitting in hei xiazi's lap to perform brainlessness while hei xiazi has no clue where to put his hands given xiao hua could cheerfully cut them off with the knife he has strapped to his thigh next to those stockings. then they break into the owner's office. and make out in there. and then get caught. and then escape. and then fall into bed together back at hei xiazi's apartment. i'm pretty sure that's the next meeting. i feel like ash will correct me if i am wrong.

*i'm using the term cross-dressing, btw, because contextually that is how the character views it, and how they are operating within their understanding of it, attraction or kink or complicated feelings or otherwise.

headcanon explained/ character study- Melian, part 1

The first time someone called her wise, Melian was utterly bewildered. It had been her cousin Yavanna, next to whom she had raised her voice to add her theme to the Music, and she had no idea what Yavanna meant. Yet, to her very great surprise, her theme was indeed woven throughout the Music, steadfast and beautiful, but terrible also, at the same time playful and filled with jest and laughter and so sorrowful that even Nienna made it her own. And like Nienna, she pitied all those that would turn away from the glory of the Music to listen to Melkor, like Nienna, she was prone to forgive, like Nienna, she took the trouble to get to know the reason behind an evil deed, and yet she was not like Nienna. Melian was fiercer, for while she felt sorry for them, the idiots had still brought it upon themselves, and in her books, their idiocy was something to be opposed rather than just bemoaned.  Yet she came to Arda with joy, helping her cousins and Estë as well. Her song would fill the world, but still she did not understand why anyone would count her among the wise of her race, she didn’t really see herself that way. She would just watch, and seek to understand and in the end choose pity over scorn, and was quite unable to understand why not everyone would do so, as this was, to her, the only logical way to treat things and also the way she herself wanted to be treated. (I honestly don’t know what to make of the Melian and the later Istari went to Middle-Earth to watch over the elves- idea, but IF they did, I just SEE her rolling her eyes in big-sister-style and being like “honestly? You honestly send me to watch over that bunch of idiots?” Especially Curumo she openly disliked, Alatar and Pallando would constantly wander off, Aiwendil she loved a lot, much like she would a baby brother, but he’d be so busy with watching her birds he’d be of no use for anything. Olórin, of course, was the silver lining on the horizon, as they were and had always been dear friends. But being in charge meant she’d have to overlook what he did and -if possible- prevent him from stealing a handful of the Children to keep for himself. He knew about those thoughts, and to this very day, whenever they meet, he takes greatest pleasure in reminding her who nicked the elf in the end.) But back to where we were before. When Melian sang in Lórien out of pure joy and found everyone listen in awe, she just laughed, unconcerned with the fuss everyone made.  However she ended up in Middle-Earth, whether the longing for the stars drove her there (which Varda found very very very funny and Melian, her foresight failing her in this respect, was rather unnerved by that), or her desire to tend to the woods or really the Istari-mission, she did end up in Nan Elmoth in the end, as we know. Whatever was told afterwards, this was no set up elf-trap. She did not plan this to happen. But as she first laid eyes on Elwë, stumbling through the woods lost and frightened and utterly bewildered about what had lead him there, she really and truly fell in love. She looked into his eyes and saw the starlight mirrored there, and he saw in hers the light of Aman, and when their hands touched, they both fell under the spell of their love and travelled together through time and space, through all her memory and his, and nothing was real or lasting to them but their union, and the were joined more tightly than ever any other couple among Eldar or Ainur, safe perhaps Varda and Manwë. (Melian would never ever dare to compare herself and her lover to the Lord and Lady of Arda, though). Later, of course, Melian well understood that it had been a higher doom that had drawn them together, that their union had a purpose and was foretold in the Music, she just hadn’t paid any attention to it before. She loathed to think of it that way, for her love to Elwë was innocent and true and untouched by purpose or by foresight. She would not have loved him any less had they never had Lúthien, or become king and queen of Eglador/Doriath. Had they but stayed in Nan Elmoth forever, forgotten by both their people, their love would have been just the same. And through that love, she bound herself in an elvish body, becoming an elf for all intents and purposes. Never again afterwards she would be able to shed that form (her body, yes, upon returning to Aman, but not her form), and she never wanted to.  Once they got out of their trance and guessed how long they had stood unmoving, they left Nan Elmoth to see if they could learn what had become of Elwë’s people and were both surprised how many had stayed behind, and even more surprised was Melian about the fact that no one bore any grudge against her, as they easily could have done. She herself felt guilty for inadvertently stealing their lord and made a vow to herself to repay them as much as possible by being the queen they deserved, and that she was, loved deeply by her people, and also her new family. She was very grateful for that, because the first year after their return was... a lot. Having a body that had needs felt very strange at first, and did not make getting used to the customs of the elves any  easier, nor did it help that her husband quite struggled to get to terms with everything as well. During that first year, they would often just lie holding onto each other for comfort at night, overwhelmed and frightened and longing for the solitude of Nan Elmoth. That passed, though, as they both slowly grew into the their role.

Some body image/self esteem rambling under the cut, and some stuff about clothes...

I don’t know if it’s the summer, or the trauma book I’ve been reading, but my brain is currently working hard on body image. It’s strange to think about it outside ED rehabilitation… that’s the framework I know from before. But I have never really made any proper progress on that front. I have been focused on hating my body, especially the way it looks. It’s very easy to hate a fat body. You are more or less expected to hate it, really. No amount of friends telling you that you should just not care about what is expected is going to help, because the subtle and not-so-subtle reminders of how wrong you are? They are everywhere.

So, I have had some hard rules about the way I dress. One rule is the length of my dresses. Just above knee is the limit - if it’s shorter than that, I can’t wear it. My upper arms? Too fat. Sleeveless tops and dresses without a jacket or a cardigan are a hard no. These are the biggest rules I have. I have sometimes worn a shorter dress with thick stockings/leggings, but I have always felt uncomfortable.

Until I wore this dress.

Initially I was a bit unsure about this. It’s rather fitted. It’s too short by my rules (I know you can’t tell in this pic, but it is). By rights I should have felt incredibly wrong while out and about in it. I didn’t wear stockings, just a pair of those short biker shorts that you wear to stop thigh chafing. I did wear a cardigan, but that’s not relevant here. I was out and about most of the day, even in places where there were quite a few people, of all ages. These things all make me nervous no matter what I wear, at least usually. 

But this time, a miracle happened. I remember walking outside, enjoying myself, even thinking I looked good or at least alright. I was not worried about people laughing at me, at my fatness. This NEVER HAPPENS. I can’t remember feeling that way in a long, long time. Clearly this dress is magical! I felt good in my skin, and was able to focus on what I was doing, and not how I was looking. I was stunned.

It happened again another day, with another dress that was also short. It’s like I’m under some spell. Because yet another day, I wore jeans and a hoodie (my usual clothing) and walked to pick up a package. I was cold sweating and out of breath with anxiety the whole way there and back. I thought those were my safe clothes? I don’t know anymore. Maybe I should wear more dresses - maybe they are my safe clothes instead.

I’ve been buying a lot of clothes and shoes during the past few weeks. I think I’m reinventing my style again or something. It’s traditionally not easy to find nice plus size clothes, but honestly in many ways it’s gotten easier. You can order so many brands online, you’re bound to find something if you look properly. But still, a lot of it is dark, shapeless, and boring. Nice prints are often reserved for the so called ”normal” sizes. And tailoring, what’s that? Of course I mostly shop fast fashion, and tailoring is really quite rare in any size category. It would be so cool to go to a tailor and get a piece of clothing done to measure, but it’s not in my price range… Still, I’ve made some good purchases, I think. My friends (you know who you are) must be sick of my constant fashion show by now. I feel like I’m always looking for reassurance - I want to hear that I’m good enough, and I can choose clothes that fit me. I really do love clothes, even though my normal clothing doesn’t really show it. Maybe something to work on.

As far as my upper arms go - no progress made on that front. They are still too fat and wobbly to see the light of day. Maybe that’s my next goal…

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I’m sharing this in the hopes that someone maybe can relate. And be happy for me, possibly. These are such lonely things, it feels good to share them. Feel free to comment if this made you think thoughts 💗