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#enchanted dumbassery

deadinside776 · 11 months

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#enchanted dumbassery #big cats

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afoolandathief · 11 months

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Hi there, R? How's it goin'? I know the ask game said anon but I'm breakin' the rules, eh. As to who my fave OCs of yours are. . . I gotta say it's Jade and Caz! The trouble they'd be brewin' is magnifique. 👌👌👌 - 💫 Enc

Hey Enchanted! Happy Pride! Ahh yess my disaster bis!! ❤️‍🔥💜💙 I'm glad they're a fav of yours, and they are certainly brewing a *lot* of trouble

#ask #enchanted lightning aes #something wicked #jade shaw #caz mraz #two dumbasses both alike in dumbassery

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aethernalstars · 1 year

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Enchant Worldle #338 5/20

https://enchantworldle.com

🟩⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛

🟨⬛🟩⬛🟩⬛

🟩⬛🟩⬛🟩⬛

🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟨

🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

#enchant worldle #used izzet staticaster #please ignore my dumbassery in my second guess #i had a moment of brainfog but it's okay cause it didn't matter

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kalims · 1 year

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11:48 PM | malleus draconia

prompt. "you're cute," "what?" "I said you look like a lizard," "..."

something smooth, and cold drips down in between your fingers.

you know you should probably be equally mortified and disgusted by the feeling cause it's like tripping face first in a road full of wet, muddy dirt when you've just finished taking a shower hours prior.

but you're sure your younger self is now seamlessly punching your legs when you're practically the living embodiment of enchanted.

and no, you're not talking about yourself but rather the tall, horned guy rambling on a few distances away from you—smiling at nothing in particular and looking like he's contented with life.

you know you're staring quite rudely but the situation called for it! you're staring, he looks perfect, and great. your ice cream's melting for god's sake!

you yourself are not sure why malleus had agreed to you so easily when you questioned if he wanted to accompany you to the carnival, from what you know he'd choose something... less colorful, and more quiet.

something simple would be the better word for it.

but even when he looks like he's totally out of place with the crowd and the flashing colorful lights shining on his face—man, who cares if you're staring?!

you swallow thickly.

"you're cute."

only then does malleus take notice of the desert he had gotten you minutes ago. it's something he'd like to indulge in but he only had enough for one so he till got it for you one anyways.

slowly, he blinks at your hands, at you before hesitantly speaking. "what?"

you chuckle humorlessly. such little distance between us and you couldn't even hear that, but when you'd called for him in the botanical garden he was there in a flash. figuratively and literally.

"I said you look like a lizard." you cough. before you could even register the complete dumbassery you just committed, malleus is already conversing with a stall owner (who admittedly started to nervously stammer in between words at the sight of his heights and.. other features.)

you watch the melted ice cream drip onto the ground and mourn your loss.

not even a second later he's already standing by close, and wiping off the liquid that had already started to dry, and stick to your skin.

you catch the faint trace of a smile on his face. "how flattering, I was not aware I looked like one even in this form. you have a keen eye." malleus comments. you can feel the embarrassment seep in.

honestly you were just gonna say he looked like a fruit but that just didn't make sense.

... but to an outsiders that sounded like it held less sense more.

he exhales and you hold your breath. "I thank you, child of man." he spares you a kind smile. "I think you're quite beautiful yourself.

note. I be writing for malleus every second of the day help, it's a disease now

#twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #malleus draconia x reader #malleus x reader #twst #twisted wonderland #twst fluff #malleus draconia #malleus #twstnexus #twisted wonderland imagines #twisted wonderland headcanons #twisted wonderland scenarios #yarghhh what a mess

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the-bone-shop · 1 year

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Welcome to the Bone Shop, Valued Customer!

As our name implies, we sell here a wide variety of remains- but our stock is more diverse than that. Anything paid to us in trade is resold to other customers! As such, we carry a large collection of trinkets, cursed and enchanted objects, books, weapons, armor and tools.

We accept payment in nearly all forms of currency, as well as in trade. If you've nothing on you, but still want to make a purchase, stories and information are valuable here as well.

Just careful not to wander into the back, yes? And mind your manners- rude customers are not tolerated.

[Character info/rules under the cut]

(Icon by @the-art-of-dumbassery and header by @the-phobia-doctor - thanks to the both of you!)

Tagging System

RULES: PLEASE READ

Rp I will NOT DO, unless previously discussed and agreed to:

Heavy sexual content (jokes are fine, and you can flirt with the characters, but double check for explicit nsfw please)

Serious injury or death of my characters, unless discussed prior to thread

Heavy traumatic content with blogs I'm not familiar with- if you want to cover heavy topics such as self-harm at all, actually, please just send me a message to ask first.

Current locations available to visit and their characters include:

The Bone Shop

The Shopkeep

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Any pronouns. If you see a post referring to Alex or Alexandria, that's them as well- but they guard their name. They run the store, and they'll be the one you'd want to talk to in order to make a purchase.

Host

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Any pronouns, although generally it/its. Host is the sentient pocket dimension the store is based in. It doesn't usually show its physical form to customers, but if you ask to speak to it, you'll get your wish- although there's no guarantee it'll go well for you. Host can't leave the store as easily as the shopkeep does, but you'll see them out occasionally. Comparatively for their species, they're young. Information on its species here.

Seraphina

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She/her. Previously Vivus's vessel- she got immortality out of the deal, but with the goddess's death, she's as human as anyone else. Sera is the shopkeep's older sister, although they both got their immortality around the same time. She's currently staying in the store and helping out with the day-to,-day stuff.

Vivus's Temple

Vivus (NOTE: IN CANON, CHARACTER HAS DIED.)

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She/her. A local goddess of life and growth! She has some problems with the bone shop, mostly stemming from the danger of Host. She uses the shopkeep's sister, Seraphina, as a vessel. Most of her acolytes know her as Vi. She's generally very upbeat and welcoming- we don't want to frighten the poor, misguided mortals now, do we? But if she sees you as a threat, best to watch out.

Mod's House

Mod Bonesy (Me! Hi :D)

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Any pronouns. I'm the guy running this blog! There's only one mod at the moment, and I don't think I'll add more. You can talk to me if you want information given to you out-of-character, if you have something to say about the blog, if you have questions... I'm willing to chat about most things regarding the bone shop. Just clarify you'd like to speak to the mod, so I don't accidentally redirect you to Host or the shopkeep.

That's all for now- I'll add to this if necessary, but I needed a more in-depth pinned post. Happy browsing, Valued Customer- and mind your manners, yes?

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padfootastic · 2 years

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I saw a post where you said James and Sirius shared clothes until James got too jacked for this to continue.

But like they’re wizards right soooo I raise you

Once the size difference was becoming apparent they overcame it because they’re geniuses and figured out how to enchant it all to grow and shirk based on which one of them goes to put it on. Like they made it so their clothes can tell them apart. And once Sirius moved into Potter Manor if they didn’t share a room their rooms were joined by a large closet. Everything in it is theirs. Like there is no James’ side vs Sirius’ side it’s just one cohesive collection.

I actually sort of adopted this for the Regulus part of the fic(?) SiriusandJames. I don’t know if you’ve read it but it’s wonderful. The link is ⬇️

https://m.fanfiction.net/s/8252775/1/

hey anon, is there anything you want? a particular prompt, a fic, a day named in ur honor, maybe my firstborn? i will try my best to make it happen for u, i promise.

because like, not to be dramatic, but i would die for this fic. i hadn’t read this before and now i’m kicking myself about the fact. one, it’s outsider pov which is literally my absolute favorite of any trope, ever. two, it’s jamesandsirius as one soul, two bodies as it should be. three, it was the absolute best description of these two i’d read ever.

i’m so obsessed w the whole thing, and i literally read it as slowly as possible so i could savor it and it still felt like not enough and i’d read a hundred chapters just like that and oh my god. can u tell i’m in love? (also! absolutely approve of ur headcanon, i love these two being so stubborn about sharing clothes that they carry out intensive spell work they shouldn’t even know/be capable of bc the alternative isn’t acceptable. it’s exactly the kind of dumbassery they’d partake in)

there were so many parts in it i loved but i think moody’s pov has to be my favorite? i love it when these two are in sync and when someone who doesn’t know them at all sees it so it was particularly refreshing and absolute amazing!!! i was giggling the whole way through it (all 4 chapters really)

(also i made the mistake of reading this in public because i cannot get through stuff i like without flapping my arms or kicking my legs frantically so guess it’s a good thing for all of us that the metro was empty today (a rare occurrences)

#sirius black #james potter #prongsfoot #someone else pls go read it and fangirl w me!!! im full of so many Feels today omg #like. fuck. thank u so much for the rec!!! i’m gonna reread it everytime i see a bad prongsfoot take or get pissed w the tag #healing for the soul #tbh i didn’t expect it to be jily and i can’t say i loved that #bc lily kinda really annoyed me in it #but that’s like. a me problem i think #bc i don’t like anyone getting in between these two #im not saying it should’ve been prongsfoot bc i’ll always be a platonic j/s truther first #but yeah #also the lack of r/s was so pleasantly surprising?#i just go in mwpp era fics expecting to be burned these days lol #so thank u even more for that <333 #(also. i was super serious about that first part. anything you’d like—i’m at ur service)#fic recs #pen’s asks

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bluewren · 2 years

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Lex Lavellan

Full name: Lex Lavellan Height: 5'10" Age (as of 9:41 Dragon): 28 Birthday: 25th Justinian, 9:13 (Cancer) Pronouns: He/Him Class: Knight Enchanter Mage Titles: Inquisitor Sexuality: Bisexual Love interests: Dorian Pets: Mithra & Mithris, two halla he cares for along with his sister. Favorite Pastimes: Sparring in the training pits with his sister. Occasionally board games with Dorian. Family: His older sister & younger sister, Evelyn & Taliesen. Clan Lavellan.

Art created by WhatAboutBugs

Anything else we should know?:

He wields the Sulevin Blade which was forged by his sister and Dagna for him.

Tali wants to kick his ass for drinking from the Well of Sorrows.

Lex just wants to kick Tali’s ass, period. They’re the type of siblings to fight over a cornchip.

Makes Dorian very worried for him for being a hothead in battle.

Loves hunting dragons with Bull and his sister.

I should redo his sliders after I redid Tali’s, to make them look similar again

If he’s not Inquisitor in the Worldstate then he’s part of the Chargers Title: Grumpy Mage of the Bull's Chargers Love interest: Dalish, who is totally not a mage. Best Friends: Iron Bull, Krem

Anything else we should know?:

My hc for Dalish’s real name is: Eludysia- she who is lucky with a secret

Neither of them have any regrets about having to leave their clan and their responsibilities as mages.

Lex doesn’t have a complicated theme thrown into him. I wrote him out of my love for martial arts movies and anime. He balances out his sister’s complicated relationship with her identity by being grumpy to everything and irreverent. And by being the supportive older brother that he is, while he’s out doing his own thing with the Chargers or with Dorian.

Writing:

My Dear Creator Letter

Chargers Dumbassery

Dorian Fluff and Angst

Lex's Wycome story

More Screenshots of Him:

(Portrait of him will be updated at a later time, not representative of him rn)

#Lex Lavellan

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softdotnet · 3 years

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Outdated SoftDotNet Fic Masterlist

My AO3 account

On DaneMill Road

Sam, Tommy and Quackity are a family. They have a family-owned bakery and live in a small town called L'manberg. The Watson's have just moved in and Tommy really wants to befriend Phil's two sons, Techno and Wilbur. Found family fluff and light angst. 12/15, 19.7k words

Deep in a Blue Mood with Hues of Gold Sun Views

SBI are all a family. 10 months ago, Tommy lost his four best friends, the bay boys, to a deadly car crash and has never been the same since. On his first day of school, he saves two boys named Tubbo and Ranboo and they decide to become his friend with flowers. Heavy angst and TW's in chapter notes, hurt/comfort. 9/?, 12k words

Sleepy and Sick Boys

SBI idol au. One by one, all members of the SBI get sick in some way and it's up to the rest of the boys to help them out and nurse them back to health. Some new characters are introduced into the Idol Au as well. Fluff and some mild hurt/comfort. 4/4, 6.4k words

And He Whispered, "I Think They Know Better Than Me,"

ClingyDuo. Tommy and Tubbo leave the safety of home and are very quickly thrust into war. Wingfic. Major Character Death, angst, kind of ambiguous ending. 1/1, 2.5k words

7 Times the SBI Went Protective Mode for Tommy

SBI idol au. 7 scenarios in which SBI looked out for/protected their youngest member. Fluff, comfort no angst. 1/1, 3.7k words

5 Times Tommy Couldn't Hide The Fact He Was The Youngest

SBI idol au. 5 Scenarios in which Tommy was obviously the youngest member. Chaotic shit ensues. Fluff, no angst. 1/1, 2.8k words

In The Same Flowing Breathe That They Said, "I'll Love You To Death,"

Allium Duo. Tommy and Ranboo's adventure as friends. Their ancestor's seem to have a similar story to them and hey, what the hell does this enchanted allium even mean? Major Character Death, heavy angst and TW's in notes, hurt/comfort. 1/1, 6k words

Call of The Void

Bench Trio. Tommy isn't in the best mindset and thinks a lot about his friends and family. Where the hell is he, again? Hard angst, hurt/comfort with TW's in notes. 1/1 , 1.5k words

That Dreaded Day

SBI family. Phil and Techno leave 10-year old Wilbur and 4-year old Tommy alone for two months with no contact, unlike the other times where they knew what was going on. Arguments and hurt feelings ensue. Techno doesn't know why it has to be like this. Angst, hurt/comfort, referenced major character death(s). 2/2, 4.3k words

At Least I Have My Boys

SBI family fic. Tommy is struggling with school and Phil gets a heads up from a pissed principal about his son's performance. Comfort ensues with extra baking chapter. Fluff, hurt/comfort and light angst. 2/2, 2k words

I Made Your Son Bleed, I Made Your Father Scream

Dadnoblade Royalty au. Prince Theseus was kidnapped by the Eggpire a year ago and still hasn't been given back. After certain cruel taunts, Technoblade says enough is enough and declares war. He then finds his son and returns him home, though he is not the same. Hurt/comfort and angst. 1/1, 1.6k words

He Said, "Do With Me What You Want But Please Don't Hurt My Family!"

Tommy's son is a shapeshifter named Shroud. The Eggpire has come to kill Tommy and he has to send his son away to Snowchester for safety. Thankfully, two angry husbands come to save the day and make sure he doesn't die. Wait, they want him to move in?- Angst hurt/comfort and fluff. 1/1, 1.5k words

Tommy and His Fern Named Clementine

SBI family. Tommy has a fern and tells each and every one of his family members he is in love but forgets to specify that its with a plant. Dumbassery follows. fluff and short crack fic. 1/1, 1.1k words

I Hope You Feel Happy, That's All I Want

Platonically Married Benchtrio! There's a sickness spreading throughout all different servers and Tommy catches it because he's unlucky. Good thing he has his platonic husbands to nurse him back to health! Fluff and barely any angst. 1/1, 1.4k words

5 Times Tommy's Ferret Traits Were Chaotic and The 1 TIme They Were Comforting

Platonically married benchtrio. Ferret hybrid Tommy and he does pretty dumb shit. Ranboo has to reign him in and Tubbo is just not helpful. Good fluffy platonic husbands being sweet. Fluff, light angst. 1/1, 2.8k words

Family? Family

SBI idol Au. Techno and Wilbur get into a fight which leads to an ongoing argument last for days. They manage to get their shit together only after their arguing has left Tommy in the hospital and Phil in Urgent Care. Hurt/comfort and fluff at the end. 1/1, 2.6k words

That One Time Tommy Overworked Himself For A Blindfolded Award Show Performance

SBI idol Au. Tommy has the idea of doing a cool blindfolded performance and ends up being the one blindfolded. But the SBI forget he has a habit of overworking himself with those feelings of inferiority he has. Ranboo sets him straight and the Business Bay boys are here! 1/1, 2.9k words

You Were Only Seventeen

Spoilers for 9/14 lore stream lol. Just Tommy freaking out over the sirens. Hurt/no comfort, ambiguous ending. 960 words, 1/1

5 Times Tommy Was Protective Of SBI

SBI idol au. Tommy comforts and protects the older members of the Sleepy Bois Inc because the protectors need protecting sometimes and thats just fine. Hurt/comfort and fluff. 1/1, 2.3k words

Annoying The SBI Makes Mornings 1000% Funnier!

SBI idol Au. Tommy annoys the boys during a morning of one of their days off. Techno decides to join in on making the two eldest annoyed and burnt pancakes ensue. Fluff and no angst. 1/1, 1.6k words

Interviews and Hurt Feelings

A rude ass interviewer causes Tommy to feel hella insecure and the SBI dont like that very much. Their friends dont like it either and once it airs, people rush to the teen's protection. Hurt/comfort and family fluff shit. 3k words, 1/1

Moody Teens and Music Videos

Tommy wakes up in a bad mood and has to get up at 5AM to shoot a music video. He's tired throughout the day and makes it everyones problem. Light angst, fluff. 1.7k words, 1/1

#tommyinnit #tommyinnit centric #kinda #wilbur soot #technoblade #philza #tubbo #ranboo #clingy duo #allium duo #sbi #sbi family dynamic #mcyt fanfiction

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deadinside776 · 1 year

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Accurate or not?

#enchanted dumbassery #foxxo

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frostsinth · 3 years

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Burdened by the Stars - Pt. 3

Part 1 | 2 - MasterList

Ok, so I’ve been sitting on this mostly finished part since basically the end of the Year. I’m sorry, I just forgot how close I was to being done. And for some reason, I’m enjoying daydreaming out chapters right now rather than writing them -sigh-

But either way, Here’s an update! I hope you guys continue to enjoy the dumbassery and himbo vibes! If you like my work, consider supporting me by buying me a coffee from the link in my MasterList above. I have lots of other inane ramblings there too if you are interested. DM me for commissions, shoot me asks with thoughts/comments!

All the best, and Enjoy!

He didn’t answer for a long moment, and I could almost feel his eyes boring into the back of my skull. I ignored him to the best of my ability, leading the mare not to the main road, but to a small deer trail that ran along the outside wall. Luckily, the goblins depended pretty heavily upon their enchantments. I wouldn’t have to worry about being spotted as we approached the wall and followed along the smoother track I had picked out years ago. Guards did not frequent the turrets, and I knew we would not set off the magical triggers here. Once we got into the castle? That would be a different story...

“You never told me your name.” Erramun called softly.

I stiffened, casting a quick glance at him over my shoulder. He was leaning over the horn of the saddle, perhaps trying to look nonchalant. But the grimace on his features confirmed it was simply the more comfortable position for him. I wondered at that for a moment. How well he had hidden his discomfort before. How far he had travelled with such an injury that obviously pained him so. I wasn’t sure if that made him lucky, or just stubborn. I watched his eyes studying the great stone wall we moved parallel to, and chewed over what answer to give him. Had he heard my name before? The name of the “goblin Princess”? If I told him it honestly, would he finally understand who it was he had been talking to all this time?

For some reason, I didn’t want him to make that connection. Not yet. Not ever, if I could avoid it. I was hoping that after I got his wound washed up and dressed, I would be able to convince him to give up his foolish folly. A part of me wondered if he would treat me differently, if he knew. Would he spend his energy attempting to win me over? I didn’t fancy the idea of having to fend off his advances. And if I was being completely honest… I rather liked how he treated me now. Like an equal. Not someone to fawn over, or try to flatter and praise to some unseen advantage. He didn’t act like I couldn’t do things for myself, or like it was beneath me to do so, as others so often did. But I knew I couldn’t avoid giving him a name forever...

“Gana.” I told him after a moment too long, settling on the name my nieces and nephews had dubbed me with years ago as toddlers unable to pronounce the full ‘Morgana’. “... My name is Gana.”

“Do you… serve the Princess then, Gana?” He asked, hesitant, but his tone curious. Then snorted slightly. “I’m not sure I can picture you as a servant. Obedient... quiet.”

“Well, you have known me for such a long time.” I replied, unwilling to give any real answer. “Obviously you would know, now wouldn’t you?” He started to open his mouth with a bemused curl in its corners but I waved my hand to silence him. “Shush now. Sneaking in requires a modicum of quiet, wouldn’t you agree?”

“Sneaking in?” He echoed, though I saw him wince at his own volume. He quickly corrected that to a whisper with his next words. “... Why are we sneaking in?”

I glanced at him again. “Because you’re an orc. Half-orc, alright.” I quickly corrected when I saw him open his mouth to argue. “Either way, you’ll raise a lot of questions. Call too much attention to us.”

“And that’s a…. Bad thing?”

I pulled us up beside the small side gate around the back side of the palace. His mare shifted nervously, and I saw her eyes roll to consider the steep drop off to our left. It was narrow here, but I knew she would fit safely. I had taken my own horse out this route more than once. I passed him the reins momentarily as I turned back to fiddle with the locks and latches.

“... It would just make things complicated, ok?” I told him distractedly. “Just... Trust me.”

I heard him give a deep rumble. “Alright. I do.”

I jerked my head back to him. “You do what?”

His emerald eyes seemed particularly vibrant against the grey sky overhead. “Trust you. You seem very kind, Gana. And very smart.”

I almost laughed, but quickly remembered where we were. I shook my head instead, bewildered. “You know I was being sarcastic before, right?” I quipped. “You don’t actually know me at all.”

Another rumble, and I saw him nod with it. “Yes… But you are the first human who did not seem afraid of me when you first saw me. And you speak plainly, not with that strange way of speaking without speaking.” He offered me a weak grin, and my heart skipped a little. “And now you, eh… sneak me into the castle. To help me. Even though I have offered you nothing in return.”

“What do you mean, speaking without speaking?” I asked, turning back to the latches to hide the sudden flush to my face.

A soft ‘hmm’ this time, as he struggled to find the right words. “The King, Valeri-whatsits. He would speak, and say words. And I would hear them, and I knew them. But I would learn nothing from them. He might as well not have spoken at all.” I could hear the frown lacing his next words. “I did not like it. I felt… foolish, and confused.”

I snorted, shaking my head and pulling the last lock loose. Unwinding the chains to yank open the creaky gate. It led into a deep tunnel, not quite high enough to ride through on horseback. I hoped for his sake Erramun continued to keep his head bowed over the horn of his mount’s saddle.

“That’s how court is.” I told him distractedly, waving them through before refastening the gate behind us. I took up the mare’s reins again to lead them through the tunnel. “People never say what they mean. And to learn anything, you have to ask the right questions. Then you have to listen to what people don’t say.”

His soft growl reverberated around the tunnel walls, and his mount skittered slightly at the sound. I could tell she was nervous by the close quarters, and patted her nose reassuringly. She gave a soft wuffing sound and nudged my shoulder.

“This makes no sense. Why not just-”

“Shh!” I told him, pulling up short as I heard the click of boots at the other end of the tunnel.

But after a moment, the sounds passed. I sighed quietly, then gave the mare a gentle tug to start leading her forward once more. The tunnel was not long, and within a few yards we were at its mouth. The large mare attempted to surge forward at this realization, eager to be in the open air, but I held her firm. Planting my heels to keep her from overwhelming me, though I was certain she would have no trouble doing so should she so choose. But she let me still her as I poked my head out first and looked around. The small side path was empty, and I quickly led us out and up. Heading from the outer wall around the outside of the city to the castle proper.

“... Can I speak now?” He asked after a little, and I rolled my eyes.

“Well, it seems you already did.”

He chuckled softly. “See? I like you. You do not speak without speaking. This is why I trust you.”

I paused, rubbing the mare’s nose absent mindedly. Feeling a stab of guilt at his words. After all, I might not beat around the bush like my brother... but I was certainly withholding a lot of information. She gave another soft wuff. I shook myself, bringing my mind back to the present, and started to lead her forward again.

“I was afraid all humans would be like the King.” He told me after a few moments. Seeming strangely eager to fill the silence that had fallen between us.

I peeked at him quickly. “Have you never met a human before?” I couldn’t help the curious edge to my tone.

He offered me a toothy grin. “Just one. My mother.” The half-orc tilted his head lazily to the side. “She used to tell me all kinds of stories when I was little. Mostly about Princesses, and knights, and other such childish things.”

“Hardly seems childish,” I scoffed, “I grew up in a castle, after all-” I stopped myself short, realizing I had almost let on to a little more than I had intended. I quickly changed the subject. “I’ve never met an orc before- HALF orc,” I corrected again, shooting him a look which he chased off with a grin as he withheld his objection, “I hope they are not all as dense as you.”

Erramun gave another light chuckle, obviously more amused than insulted by my comment. “I think some are denser.” He rubbed his free hand at the short cropping of hair by his temple. “... But I have been accused of having a heavy skull.”

You could say that again. I grumbled silently to myself. Still, I couldn’t resist another peek at him over my shoulder. It could have been my imagination, but he seemed to be drooping more and more. And perhaps his voice was becoming a little weaker. I would have to get him someplace soon, or else I would be wrangling with an unconscious orc in the hallways of the goblin castle. I didn’t fancy my chances of managing such a feat, especially while continuing to remain unnoticed. I was good, but I wasn’t that good.

I made a point to hurry as fast as I could manage through the outer city to the outer wall of the castle proper. We approached the servant and delivery entrance at the far back side without being spotted. It was quiet for the time being, as all morning deliveries would have already been completed and staff should have all been on site no later than an hour or so after dawn. I quickly led them through the wrought iron gate, then around the back to a small yard fenced in by short stone walls. Perhaps it had been intended for a garden at one point, but it was mostly dirt now, save for one small tree and some sparse grass. I knew the servants often used it to park carts meant to be unloaded for the kitchen, rather than bringing things through the front entrances.

“Can you walk?” I asked him, closing another small gate behind us.

He grunted the affirmative, and ungracefully dismounted. Leaning heavily against the mare still as he tried to find his balance. I wondered if he was perhaps far too prideful to trust his assessment of his abilities, and quickly began to consider a few alternative options in case that were true. Though I couldn’t think of any truly plausible ones at that moment. Then I saw him hesitate, stroking the mare’s mane fondly.

“... Will she be alright here?”

I was surprised at the tenderness in his voice. He was so large, with such a harsh looking brow and jutting teeth. Even by goblin standards he seemed a little monstrous. Which made his tone seem all the more misplaced, and I had to resist the urge to look around for a different source. I glanced over at the mare quietly instead as he gently stroked her thick white neck.

“... I’ll come down later to bring her to the stables.” I assured him. “But first, we need to get you up to the tower before you pass out.”

“The tower?” He echoed, giving the mare a final pat and staggering after me as I made my way to the servant’s door at the far side of the yard.

“You have a lot of questions for someone who has no options.” I grumbled, shouldering open the door and ducking through it. “Or perhaps you are actually half parrot as well as orc?” I put a little extra effort into pretending his irritating habit of echoing my words was the only reason I was so hesitant to answer his prying.

He chuckled, but didn’t answer either. Once through the door I turned to watch the orc scrunch his body up, bowing low at the waist and curling his wide shoulders, with his hands practically on the ground to balance himself. He slunk through the small doorway with a grunt. Once inside, he was barely able to straighten himself, his head bumping into the ceiling.

“... Is the whole building like this?” He asked a few yards down after the fifth low hanging lamp clunked him on the head.

I stifled a giggle, amused at his perturbed look as he rubbed at the side of his skull indignantly. He had to keep his head cocked to the side at an odd angle to keep from scraping the ceiling with each step. I pretended I wasn’t looking though as his emerald eyes swung back around, ducking through another particularly low frame. There was nothing to look at, after all, I reminded myself. Just a bloody half-orc who wanted to marry the Princess...

“These are the servant’s quarters.” I told him, unable to completely keep my amusement from my voice. “But it is a goblin castle after all. Most things are goblin sized.”

He grumbled again, opening his mouth to offer a retort. I quickly held up my hand, then brought my finger to my lips. Silencing him as a small gaggle of goblins passed us by, talking noisily among themselves. I waited until they were around the next corner, then turned back to the half-orc behind me. I tapped my lips again, then gestured for him to follow me.

We made our way through the rest of the castle almost without incident. Erramun got wedged in the narrow stairwell from the servants’ quarters to the main floor, but a bit of wiggling had him loose with only a few extra wasted minutes. Once there, the ceilings and hallways were a little larger, and I heard him sigh with palpable relief as he was able to straighten more comfortably. I led him as quickly as we were able. Skirting past guards and down side hallways to avoid the servants and guests. Luckily, I knew every nook and cranny by heart; I had spent every summer and winter here since I was nine years old. And had loved nothing more than to explore its vast expanse. The castle was huge, and intricately constructed. There were hundreds of rooms, at least as many hallways, and more than a few exciting features to keep an adventurous young spirit entertained. Goblins used magic nearly as often as they used conventional decoration and construction methods, and the castle was filled with enchantments. From doorways that opened by themselves, to moving mosaics and paintings, to candelabras that flared to life when you passed, to seemingly solid walls that one could walk right through. There was no shortage of things to astound. And that was just the castle! This didn’t even hold a candle to the massive goblin city in the tunnels and passageways beneath it.

It was also helpful that I was intimately familiar with the castle’s routine; when the servants changed the bedsheets or did the wash, when the guards made their rounds, when the nobles came to the drawing room for drinks and cards. The general bubbly air of the castle was almost infectious, and I couldn’t help smiling at the laughter and music that echoed down almost every hallway. Delicious smells filled the air as the cooks prepared the mid-day meal, and I heard the occasional clatter and clash of other servants cleaning or tidying.

A peek at Erramun found both his eyes and his mouth wide as he took it all in. I remembered fondly my own first time walking the halls, and I smiled warmly at the memory. I watched him crane his neck back to look at the intricate mosaics on the ceilings, then down to the floor to consider the no less than three to seven different rugs running the length of each hallway. Niko had done his best to instill a bit of order on the palace since he had moved in over a decade before. But goblins would be goblins, and they loved patterns and colors. To them, the more made the merrier, and their décor was absolutely overflowing with it. Curtains and lace and frills. Decadent chandeliers and sculptures and vases. Gold and silver, copper and bronze. Lapis lazuli, ruby, emerald, diamond, onyx, opal, sapphire. Anything and everything imaginable lined the walls and poured into the hallways themselves. It was a bit cluttered, and certainly overwhelming if you weren’t used to it. But each piece shone and sparkled, and the halls felt warm, clean, and welcoming despite being mostly dimly lit. Goblins could see in the dark, after all.

I wondered briefly if orcs shared this trait. If I recalled my history correctly, orcs and goblins shared an ancient common ancestor. I didn’t have an enchantment on my eyes as Niko did, but I had become rather adept at moving about in dimly lit places. And with more non-goblins wandering the halls these days, there were more sources of light than in the past. I burned with curiosity to know how Erramun’s half-orc blood affected his sight. But it was something that would have to be an investigation for later, as I felt silence was the key factor for our stealth through the castle. Thankfully, even if the half-orc had more questions, he kept them to himself for the time being, and followed behind me obediently. Perhaps sensing urgency and silence were key. Or perhaps lacking the strength or presence of mind to have any questions to ask. That was a worrying thought, and I cast another glance over my shoulder to check on him. He gave me a sheepish grin and a little wave of his big hand. Alright for the time being then, I supposed, ignoring the little flutter in my chest at his smile.

We reached the upper levels a few minutes later, above ground and built to seemingly grow up into the sky out of the mountainside itself. Filled with windows to pour the bright winter sun through. And enchanted to have more space on the inside than it would appear to have by the outside, though its actual physical size was certainly no small measure. I almost sighed with relief. The tallest and largest towers had been quartered off for private use by the Royal family, and thus were off limits to guests and other outsiders. There would be less people wandering the halls up here; most of my relatives should be in the castle below going about their daily responsibilities. My nieces and nephews would be with their tutors, and Grier and Nikostratus would be handling affairs of state. It was possible there might be a servant or two finishing up tidying the rooms from the morning, I reasoned. But for the most part that would have already been managed after the goblin King had finally been roused for the day. Likely no more than an hour or so before our arrival. My goblin brother-in-law was perhaps the farthest thing from a morning person possible, preferring to rise no earlier than noon if allowed, despite the fact that his husband was usually up at dawn every day. Being early risers was a trait my brothers and I all shared. But I was thankful that my timing was perfect for having returned at just the right time to have skirted running into either of the monarchs of this castle.

The upper floors also had the added advantage of being designed with human comfort in mind. It had taken less than a year for the goblins to realize that their new human King was much taller than any of them, and having door frames and handles set to goblin height was painfully uncomfortable for him (not that he would ever complain of course). They had adjusted many of the lower levels to be more accessible by both races in light of this (though still heavily favoring the smaller goblins). But our private quarters were almost a full foot taller than any of the others, with taller and wider doors, and handles set at almost waist level. The bottoms of the windows came to at least our hips as well, and the ceilings were at least 8 or more feet high. Certainly it was a relief to a stiff back to be able to come here at the end of a long day reaching for things closer to our knees than our hips and finally be able to straighten and relax our spines. I resisted the urge to stretch mine, as I usually did once I reached the top step, and settled with checking over my shoulder to see if Erramun had made it up the last flight of stairs.

He had, though sweat had broken across his brow, and his big eyes looked quite drained and tired. I jerked my head down the hall as he slowly raised his gaze to mine, panting lightly.

“Almost there.” I assured him. “Just down this hall.”

He managed a small grin, affirmative but tired, and nodded. I hoped he could hold out for the last few yards. I didn’t fancy trying to drag him the rest of the way to my chambers. I gestured for him to follow me, and turned to lead again. I had already started to relax, feeling a small, smug sense of accomplishment at having managed to sneak an orc of all things undetected through the castle.

So I nearly squeaked with surprise when we rounded the corner to find the door to my room unexpectedly ajar. And through it, I could just make out the shoulders of an all too familiar frame.

I quickly scrambled backwards, and found myself running into Erramun’s larger form. I didn’t have time to care about my body bumping awkwardly into his. I spun, placing both hands on his chest and giving him an urgent shrug. I thanked whatever god was listening that he responded effectively and without a word. Letting me half-push, half-steer him a few feet back down the hallway, though his eyes widened and his face became a mask of confusion as I did. A cold chill washed down my spine as I heard the familiar click of fine black boots on the tiled floor behind us. Then the creak of my door followed by the soft thunk as he pulled it closed behind him. But as we rounded the corner, I heard a soft feminine hum coming from the opposite direction, and my blood ran cold as well. I yanked the half-orc to a stop, nearly knocking him off balance in the process, spinning and searching the hall frantically. Knowing there would be no way to skirt both parties without detection and searching for the nearest hiding spot. I saw only one choice, short of throwing us both out the window, and decided quickly to utilize it.

I shoved Erramun into a small curtained alcove right at the bend of the rounded hall unceremoniously, and popped in right after. Settling the curtain back into place behind me. It was a tight fit with the big orc, and his shoulders shuffled aside the contents of the cupboard with a soft scuffle. But I found if I pressed my shoulders into his broad chest, I could just manage to keep myself from brushing against the covering curtain and my toes from popping out the bottom. I deftly caught the handle of a displaced broom as it started to topple, righting it and laying it lightly against the wall beside us before it’s fall would alert the pair in the hallway beyond. Then I strained my ears and listened to the fast approaching click of boots as well as the soft hum from the opposite direction.

“Ah, cara Hausa, I hope you are well,” came my brother’s voice in goblinese, and my spine stiffened at the sound nervously, “Have you seen the Princess of late?” I heard him ask after a brief exchange of formalities. “She is not in her rooms.”

“I am sorry, My King,” Came the reply, and I recognized the old head housekeeper Hausa’s distinctive, airy voice, “I have not seen her today, though I believe her Ladies went to town... Should I send the servants to search for her?”

“That won’t be necessary,” He replied, his voice its usual stiff and formal tone, “I am sure she will turn up soon. Thank you, cara Hausa.”

Their voices and footsteps slowly faded back towards the stairwell, and I allowed myself to breathe a sigh of relief I had withheld before. Allowing me a moment to bring myself back up to speed and assess our situation. I turned around to apologize to Erramun for his decidedly rough treatment... and found myself perfectly planted against his bare chest.

My heart leaped, and my eyes widened by a hair. I couldn’t help craning my neck back to look up at him (it was either that or stare at his well defined pectoral muscles), and found his emerald eyes waiting for me. It was then that I realized, somewhere amid the frantic shuffle, I had become quite neatly tucked against him in the cramped space. His free arm was wrapped around my waist, his broad shoulders hunched around me to better fit us both into the tiny alcove. One of my hands rested lightly on his arm, as if ready to pull him about again if needed, and the other hovered barely a hair away from his bare sternum. I felt a tightness in my chest I couldn’t remember having been there before, and froze in place. Trapped in those vibrant emerald eyes…

After a few skittering beats of my heart, I felt my brain quickly flood back into my skull. My eyes widened a hair more, and I shoved myself away from him. Tangling myself in the curtain behind me and upsetting the cleaning supplies behind him in the process. Nearly falling out into the hallway beyond as he nearly fell over into the wash bucket. I quickly righted myself, pushing the curtain to the side and noisily clearing my throat.

“Ah… S-sorry about that…” I mumbled, swallowing hard as my face flushed dark. I saw him nod slowly out the corner of my eye, otherwise silent as he righted himself. It took me a decidedly long time to remember what we had been doing before that moment. I turned, wrapping my arms about myself. “...This way.”

I skittered down the hall, glancing nervously about. As if my brother might still pop out from any corner. But the final stretch was empty, and I nearly sighed with relief as I shoved open the door to my rooms and quickly ushered Erramun inside. Trying not to remember how wonderfully warm his large arm had felt wrapped around my waist. And strong too, nearly as firm as stone. I quickly shook my head, latching the door behind me and forcing my thoughts to the issue at hand. Well, the bigger issue rather; that I now had successfully smuggled in a bloody and dirty orc into my private quarters.

My chambers had three rooms. The door from the hallway led to a sitting area, with a large fireplace and plush purple couches. The walls were lined with shelves, which were stuffed full of books, tomes, and scrolls. Most of which depicted the many adventures I longed to partake in. Others were atlases, or maps of the surrounding regions. A few were filled with ancient, unsolved mysteries or legends. Some had cultural histories, or descriptions of fantastical creatures and races. On the largest flat wall, I had tacked up an inked map of the world Grier and Niko had gifted me long ago. It was intricately detailed and enchanted so that the squiggly lines denoting the ocean rippled and the mountainous regions had swirly clouds shifting over their peaks. It also looked three dimensional, though it was in fact flat, and I had poked colorful pins and bobbles into the places I most wanted to visit. My desk was set beneath it, with stacks of papers and notes regarding each pin or region as well as small decorative boxes filled with things I had found exploring the castle and woods surrounding it. There was also a small table set before the couches, and a few chests filled with whatever I hadn’t been able to fit elsewhere. Sextants, small carvings, handmade memorabilia from far off lands my brothers and other nobles had gifted me. A few stuck out from the edges of the elegant chests, spilling like treasure onto the floor below.

Beyond the sitting room was my bed chamber, which had little aside from the large bed with thick velvet curtains and a big armoire stuffed to bursting with my clothes. There was also a vanity table, where I kept brushes and perfumes, gems and jewels, and other such things that were mostly left to gather dust. There was also a window seat, surrounded by piles of books I was currently working my way through, and a small balcony where I kept various potted plants. Many were also from far off lands carefully brought for my collection, though I knew my brother kept a far more extensive garden in the glass domed balcony above his chambers.

The final room was the smallest of the three, and contained a single deep pool with a small, crystal encrusted waterfall. It had a small alcove of mirrors set before a raised platform by the door to the bedroom, and a small stone table carved into the wall with a few brushes and other such personal care items. I had filled most of that room with potted plants as well, as sunlight filtered in through stained glass over the partially steepled ceiling. I used to imagine it as a magical lagoon when I was younger, though it had much more practical uses for me now.

I rested my forehead against the door for a moment with relief. Finally feeling a little calmer now that the worst was behind us. When I turned, I found the half-orc looking about curiously. His eyes wide and filled with wonder. I wasn’t sure why. There was nothing particularly special about my rooms. They were smaller than the other members of the family, mostly because I only lived here for part of the year. And also because I rarely spent more than a rainy afternoon in them.

“Sit down,” I ordered him, removing my cloak from my shoulders and draping over the back of the couch, “Let’s see if we can get your wound properly cleaned before infection sets in.”

“Who were they?” He asked as he slowly settled into the indicated seat; an old ottoman at the back of one couch.

“Who was who?” I asked absentmindedly, shuffling some things around in a brief attempt to clean the clutter. I gave up after another moment, simply kicking it all off to the side and gathering up a shallow porcelain basin from on top of one of the chests.

“The people, out there,” He nodded to the door and the hallway beyond, “They spoke funny. It sounded like Tlaloc, but it was all wrong.”

I hesitated, debating whether or not to tell him the truth for a moment. “They were speaking goblinese. The woman was Hausa, the head housekeeper for the Royal family.” I explained finally, “... The man was King Nikostratus…. What’s tlaloc?” I asked, quickly looking to change the subject.

Erramun chewed on his lip for a moment. “Eh? Oh… That’s what orcs speak.” I felt his eyes following me as I gathered some linens into the basin next. “... You said King Nicktosansus?”

I couldn’t suppress a small giggle. “Nikostratus.” I corrected him, collecting a pitcher of water in my free hand as I balanced the basin on my opposite hip.

He grunted, shaking his head. “Why do all the Kings here have such big names?” He grumbled. “King Vale-whatsits, King Nitostrawsus.”

“King Valerianus and King Nikostratus.” I corrected him good naturedly. “And that’s probably because they are brothers, I would think.” I carefully set the basin on the seat beside him, then went over to hoist a small side table and carry over. “Big long names are a bit of a tradition in the family.”

“Hmmm, seems silly.” He returned. “By the time I finish saying their names and titles, I could have said much more important things.”

I almost laughed. “You sound like Grier.”

“Grier?” He asked curiously.

I kicked myself internally for the slip, pursing my lips slightly as I set the table beside him and moved the basin to its top. “... King Grier, I should say.” I glanced at him out the corner of my eye. “That’s King Nikostratus’ husband. The goblin King.”

“So he is the goblin Princess’ father?” His voice reflected his piqued interest with a lighter tone. “I thought King Valer-whatsits might be her father, but he’s not a goblin, and they say he is her brother.”

I hesitated again, pouring some water into the basin and dropping one of the linens in. Exactly how much should I share? At what point would he figure it out?

“Ah… it’s… complicated.” I offered finally, ringing out the cloth distractedly. “But their father is dead.” I thumbed the cloth for a moment. “Long dead. It's just the three of them now.”

Erramun snorted, shaking his head. “Three Kings? There are too many Kings!” He complained. “Just tell me which one I need to challenge for the Princess.”

My head snapped over to him in surprise. “Challenge??”

He nodded eagerly, and the light in his eyes spreading from a broad smile over his lips. “Yes! After I convince her to marry me, I must defeat her father in combat to win the Princess. Though I suppose one of these Kings will have to do.” He leaned back, seeming to mull that over. “I think a goblin would be easiest to best, but there would be no real challenge in it.”

Anger flared up in me. “What makes you think you can just win her?” I snapped. “Is the Princess just some trophy to you??”

Now it was his turn to look surprised. “That is just the way of things.” He argued. “A man finds his partner, then has to prove he would be a good husband. The best way to do that is to defeat their father in combat.” He nodded assuredly. “That way they both know he is strong enough to-”

“That sounds stupid.” I cut him off crossly, putting my hands on my hips and scowling at him.

He frowned back at me, his heavy brow scrunching together. “That is the way of things!”

“For orcs, maybe!” I shot back. “But you can’t just carry off whomever you like! Just muscle your way into a marriage and force someone’s hand!”

That gave him pause, and he looked me up and down. We were almost perfectly eye level with him sitting. I watched him chew his lip again, seeming to think it over quietly.

“... This is not how goblins do it?”

I scoffed again. “Absolutely not!” I snapped. “Nor humans!”

He fell silent again. And I glared at him for a long, angry moment before tossing up my hands with a frustrated tch. I stomped over to another chest, kicking it open and digging through it for a moment.

“... How do I win the goblin Princess then?” He asked after a little while.

I shot him a scalding look over my shoulder. “You don’t. The Princess is not for sale, nor for winning. She doesn’t want to marry anyone. Ever. Period. End of discussion.” I slammed the chest shut, having not found what I was looking for yet, and stomped past him over to the next. “So after I wrap up your stupid cut, you’d best shove off. Agreed?”

I was stopped short as his big hand came out. Catching my arm and stilling me. I was so surprised, my eyebrows flew up, and I looked at him with wide eyes. His face was soft, recalcitrant. He chewed on his thick bottom lip for another moment before finally looking up at me with those dazzling emerald eyes.

“I am sorry, Gana,” He told me, his thick voice heavier with his sullen apology, “I did not mean to upset you…” He grunted, giving my arm a gentle tug. Pulling me a step closer to him before I had fully realized what he was doing. “If this was an orc, I would better know what to do. I could take them hunting with me, or maybe cook a beast I had killed myself.” I looked down at him, his broad chin craned up slightly to keep our eyes locked. “I do not know how to impress a King, or a Princess.” He scoffed slightly, finally releasing my arm and looking away. “I have not even met her yet and I have already failed.”

I rubbed at my arm where his hand had been, frozen in place with my confusion. “... It doesn’t matter.” I told him, a bit bitterly. “Like I said… The Princess isn’t interested in getting married.”

I turned and walked more quietly over to the chests. Pulling it open more carefully and digging through its contents. The silence stretched for a long, strained moment. I pulled out a few glass jars of healing balm, laying them on the floor by my knees as I put the other things back into place.

“.... What is she interested in, then?”

I couldn’t suppress a soft laugh, shaking my head. “So now you want to know more about her?” I scoffed, standing with my bounty and making my way back over. “Maybe that was something you should have thought of before you decided to marry her?”

He shrugged his big green shoulders noncommittally, then winced as it stretched his wound. “I mean, I didn’t think it was important…”

I raised a brow at him, dropping the supplies on the bench beside him. “It’s not important to know anything about the person you were going to spend the rest of your life with?”

He frowned, his thick lip wobbling about his small tusks as he seemed to chew that over. “I never thought of it like that…”

“How did you think of it then?” I asked, moving over to the basin once more. “Did you think you would see her for the first time and just… fall in love?”

Erramun fell silent, his brow furrowing deeply again. I soaked the cloth, wringing it out briefly before turning to him. I was surprised to find him still quiet, obviously lost in thought. I cocked one hip to the side, looking him up and down. His emerald green eyes glanced over at my movement.

“Don’t think too hard,” I advised, “You’ll make smoke come out of your ears.”

The big fellow gave a grunt that heaved the entirety of his torso up and down, then shook his head. I watched him for another moment, then glanced down at the wet cloth in my hands. Then back at him. My entire face starting to grow hot. After another tense moment, I tossed the cloth back into the basin.

“It’s no use, you’re filthy.” I told him irritatedly.

He cocked one large bushy brow up. “Does this bother you?”

I rolled my eyes. “Besides the fact that you stink, I mean that one measly little cloth is not going to be enough to clean all…” I hesitated, my hand halfway through gesturing over his muscular torso. I cleared my throat. “... That…”

Erramun gave me a dopey grin, leaning on his palms at the edge of his seat. “Perhaps I am too much a challenge for you then?”

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes again, pretending my cheeks weren’t flushing dark at his words. I shook my head and placed my hands on my hips. Scowling at him.

“You’ll have to bathe.” I jerked my head to the back room. “You know how to I hope?”

He gave a growl, then jerked himself clumsily to his feet. Forcing me to stagger back a step or two to avoid bumping into him as he did. I quickly rebalanced myself, letting my scowl deepen as I had to tilt my head back to look up at him now.

“I think I can manage.” He mused, then glanced over at the door.

“Good.” I grumbled, crossing my arms and looking off to the side to avoid staring at his broad chest again. “You do that. I’ll see if I can find you something to wear.”

“Something to wear?” He echoed, surprised.

“Definitely part parrot.” I snipped at him. “Yes, fool orc. Something to wear. Your skirt is filthy, and you stand out like a sore thumb as you are.”

He seemed to consider this, rubbing his furs between a thumb and finger. “And that would be a bad thing, yes? ... Your men do not wear their skins as this?”

I shook my head. “No. But,” I paused, looking him over, “I’m not sure I’ll be able to find anything big enough…” I slipped past him, walking over to the door to the bathing rooms and sliding it open. “I don’t suppose you can avoid drowning for now while I go look for something?”

His grin returned, and I stiffened slightly at the sight of it. “I think I can manage.” He replied again. Then tilted his head to the side. “... Will you be long?”

It took me longer than I cared to admit to find my breath again. The way he asked… made it sound almost hopeful. I swallowed the dryness from my throat, shrugging my shoulders.

“I make no promises.” I returned, as airy as I could manage, and he chuckled. Sluggishly striding over and pausing at the opposite side of the door. I saw him glance in briefly, before returning his attention to me.

“I will wait for you then, Gana. As long as you need.”

I released a breath I didn’t know I was holding as he slipped past me into the rooms. I intended to turn and head back out to scour the Royal quarters for clothes large enough to fit an orc. But couldn’t help lingering an extra moment as I watched him unfasten the strap to his pauldron. He rubbed at his wounded side as he dropped the scanty armor onto the stone floor, then glanced over his shoulder at me. I quickly pretended I had merely been double checking the towel situation by the door. Turning to make my way back out when his voice came once more and gave me pause.

“... When you return, perhaps we can speak more about what the Princess is like?”

The sliding door made a satisfying snap as I forcibly shut it behind me.

UPDATE: Part Four HERE

#Burdened by the Stars #slow burn #frenemies #angst #monster romance #regency romance #monster x human #monster lover #monster boyfriend #orc #half-orc #orc lover #orc boyfriend #orc x human #terato #exophilia

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lioraskyhearts-shiftdiary · 3 years

Text

I Ate The Wrong One

-Runa Amberthorne-

Right, so while Sweet Enchantments was closed, Liora got us permission to work part time in other places that were still open.

I ended up at a place that made burgers inspired by the human world.

Anyways, I had this guy who ordered for him and his friend. I’m gonna call him Mr. Onion because he wanted onion on his burger. And his friend? He’ll be Mr. Pepper.

Mr. Onion and Mr. Pepper order the same burger: cheese, peppers, sauce, bacon. They asked to add lettuce and tomato.

Mr. Onion doesn’t want peppers but he wants onion added. Cool. Easily done.

Mr. Pepper wants the peppers to be left in.

They want the same thing, but one without peppers and onions added.

You’re still following along, right? Great, because here’s the fucking idiocy moment.

When Mr. Pepper and Mr. Onion get their burgers and proceed to chow down, they stop after the first bite and asked to speak to someone.

As it turns out, Mr. Pepper took a bite out of Mr. Onion’s burger. While Mr. Onion, took a bite out of Mr. Pepper’s burger. They want new ones remade because they can’t just switch their burgers and move on. (It’s still a pandemic)

For the record, you can clearly see the peppers or onions in the burger when you get it. It’s not like... hidden in it.

They’re bright red and practically falling out of the burger, for fuck’s sake!

In any case, they still get their burgers remade because the manager doesn’t have a fucking backbone. Liora and I can run circles around these people.

BUT WHO THE FUCK JUST EATS SOMETHING THEY ORDERED AND SAYS “I ATE THE WRONG ONE CAN YOU MAKE ME A NEW ONE?”

LIKE WHAT??

Thank the fucking stars that Sweet Enchantments is back and I’m not dealing with that dumbassery anymore.

#tales from outside #not sweet enchantments #sweet enchantments #lovestruck #liora skyheart #runa amberthorne #y people so dumb in restaurants

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rosesisupposes · 3 years

Text

with a door between them

this is one part projection/comfort, two parts fix-it

Set right after SVS Pt 2: Putting Others First

read on ao3

characters: Roman, Janus (Remus is mentioned but not present)

pairings: no romantic; platonic roceit

content tags: dialogue-heavy fic; self-doubt; crisis of self-worth; arguing; Roman-centric hurt/comfort; apologies; fix-it fic

reader tags: @royally-anxious @jemthebookworm @arandompasserby @sparkly-rainbow-salt @astral-eclipse @thelowlysatsuma @adorably-angsty @max-is-tired @almostoveranalyzed @potestessemagishomosexualitatis @mariniacipher @vintage-squid

word count: 1,619

⁂

Janus fidgets with his gloves, staring at the gilded door in front of him. He takes a breath, and knocks.

“Yes?”

“May I come in?”

“Are you sure you didn’t mean to go to Remus’ door instead, I know you get us confused!”

“Roman, I just want to talk.”

“Thanks but no thanks, I’ve had enough lectures for one day!”

“I’m not here to lecture you-”

“I don’t care. Go away.”

“Roman, please, just listen-”

Instead of a reply, Janus hears the orchestral sounds that mean Roman’s opened up a portal to the Imagination.

With a sigh, Janus pushing open the bedroom door to see the portal starting to close. He snaps, and it freezes just long enough for him to follow the Prince into his realm.

A grand castle, shimmering in polished marble and gilded roofs, stands before him. A flicker of a familiar red sash pulls his attention to the highest tower. He makes his way through the corridors and staircases until he finds the heavy oak door to the tower room.

“Roman, listen, please, just for a moment-”

“Oh my god, do you have to just slither in everywhere? Is it not enough to just fucking bask in your newfound acceptance and everyone agreeing with you? You’ve just gotta rub it in how wrong I always am?!”

“No, I just really need-”

“The only thing you need to get lost. There’s a whole magical forest just south of here, why don’t you try it. Better yet, get out of the kingdom.”

“I’m not leaving. I need to talk to you.”

“Too bad, this castle is enchanted so that no one can lie, guess you’ll have nothing to say.”

“That’s rather harsh.”

“Yeah, well,” Roman says with a bitter laugh. “That’s all I’m good for now. Just fuck off and let me wallow, will you?”

“I have something you need to hear.”

“Too bad.”

Janus sighs, and sinks against the wall, sitting on the tower landing. He glances at the heavy door, and settles in to wait.

Long moments pass in silence, before Janus hears a huff on the other side of the door. “You’re still there, aren’t you.”

“I am.”

“Ugh.”

Janus hears footsteps, retreating and returning. Roman must be pacing on the other side of the door. Janus just waits.

“Shouldn’t you and Patton be busy planning your wedding by now?” Roman grumbles.

“And break my confirmed bachelorhood?”

“Ugh!”

More footsteps, stomping across the stone floor and back.

“Does Virgil know what happened yet?”

“I assume so.”

“He hasn’t said anything to you yet?”

“I haven’t exactly gone out of my way to let him hiss at me more.”

“Of course you haven’t.”

Stomp-stomp-stomp.

“Why are you just sitting there!!! Don’t you have anything better to do than annoy me?”

“I told you, it’s important that I talk to you.”

“And I told you, I don’t want to hear it!”

“I know.”

“So why won’t you just leave?”

“Because it’s important.”

“UGH!”

The steps shuffle and stop. Something thuds against the door, followed by the sound of cloth sliding against wood. Janus shifts until he’s leaning against the door from the outside.

“I don’t see what could possibly be so important that only you could tell me,” Roman grumbles.

“Who would you have preferred in my stead?”

“Anyone but my brother. Actually, scratch that, I’d rather have Remus.”

Janus smirks, knowing Roman can’t see him. “What’s the saying? Blood is thicker than water?”

Roman snorts. “You’re not water. Unless you’ve secretly been Jesus this whole time and you keep miracle-ing it into wine.”

“Alas, no, my secret is out, how ever will I recover.”

Roman huffs out laughter, then groans. “No, stop that. No making me laugh when I’m mad at you. Fuck off. Go away.”

“Sorry, no can do. Not until you let me tell you what I came to say.”

“Lalalalala, I can’t hear you! Hm, wonder if the snake is talking? I don’t know, I can’t hear anything. Lalalala blah blah blah blah bubba gump shrimp!”

Janus waits as Roman continues to ramble, fiddling with his cape chain until the stream of words lessens to a trickle.

“I don’t think either of you is the “evil” twin, you know,” Janus says as Roman finally lapses into silence.

“What?”

“You and Remus. I don’t think either of you are evil. Evil implies some inherent level of ill will.”

“Okay but- wait, what? Is this what you came to say? Is this the big thing that couldn’t wait?”

“No, but- earlier. I’m quite fond of Remus. He’s chaotic, but not malicious . I don’t think comparing someone to him is necessarily an insult.”

Roman grunts.

“I know you don’t like the comparison, because being separate from him is important to you. But I- that’s what I wanted to say. To ask. Why do you think it’s such a sensitive issue for you?”

“You do remember how we ended up as two sides in the first place, correct?” For a moment, Roman’s voice is a dry as Janus at his most sarcastic.

“Yes, but- you’re still Creativity. Being similar to him won’t change that.”

“The mindscape named us for a reason, snakeface. I’m the Prince, not the Duke.”

“Prince William is technically a Duke-”

“Yeah, like technicalities matter in the subconscious!”

“Then what’s the big difference that overcomes the technicalities?”

“Has Thomas ever, ever, read a story where the Duke is the hero?”

Janus leans his head all the way back against the door. There’s an edge in Roman’s voice, a warning note that says don’t keep pushing. But Janus can’t let that stop him, not when they’re both so close.

“Why does being his hero matter so much?”

“It’s what I’m supposed to be!”

“So?”

“So without it, I don’t have a purpose!”

“Roman-“

Roman’s voice is speeding up, no longer talking to Janus, just himself. “No purpose means I’m useless, and useless means I’m not needed, and not needed means-“

Janus waits.

Roman’s voice breaks “If he doesn’t need me, Thomas won’t keep putting up with me.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Oh please, like you of all people don’t know.” Roman snaps, voice strained with the effort to not cry. “I might have only one brain cell but at least it still knows what I’m like. I’m extra. I’m over the top. How many times have I pulled us all into dumbassery because I didn’t pause or hesitate and just charged in? I have no impulse control, even when I really should. Like when someone trusts us with personal information that took a lot to share and I just- laugh.”

Janus grimaces. “Your reaction being inappropriate didn’t justify mine. I knew how hurtful my words would be. Like you, I didn’t control the impulse. But my slip was worse. And I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too.”

“But you’re not escaping talking about this. Thomas won’t ‘keep putting up with’ you? Roman, he loves you. You’re important to him, without being ‘of use.’”

Roman grunts.

“You don’t believe me.”

Confirming grunt.

“You still think you have to be needed.”

A pause. “Mhm.”

“Roman, what’s my function. What do I do for Thomas?

“I- well, I know it’s more than just deceit.”

“That’s right. Lies are a means to an end. And the end is self-preservation.”

“You protect him.” Roman says quietly. “From running himself ragged just to meet others’ expectations. From the rest of us completely take over his energy, whether that’s creating endlessly, or learning everything, or sacrificing himself to be perfectly selfless.”

“That’s part of it, yeah. You want to know a secret?”

“What”

“I mess up too, Prince. Not just in lashing out at you. Sometimes the lies that are meant to be self-preserving backfire.”

“I- what?”

“Sometimes, I let us tell ourselves lies that protect our egos, or that let us avoid having to grapple with more painful questions and realities. I help us spin a narrative so strong that it doesn’t even feel like a lie anymore, just a fundamental truth. But eventually, even the strongest narratives get enough holes poked into them that they crumble.”

Janus shifts, leaning sideways against the door, and continues. “And the worst part is that even as they crumble, you can’t always tell that the foundations were fabrications in the first place. You just accept them as truth, and the crumbling as failure. You believe your doubts and worries are clear-eyed truth-tellers.”

“You?”

“All of you. Thomas, Patton, Virgil, everyone. But you, Roman, most recently.”

“Oh great, I’m lying to myself now too?”

“Yes, you are.”

“And how, pray tell, am I deluding myself today?”

Janus pauses, makes sure Roman’s listening, and says, “By saying Thomas has to ‘need’ you to love you. By telling yourself you need to 'earn' your place among us. By thinking we don’t treasure you regardless of your contributions.”

“What do you- I-”

“Roman, listen very closely, okay? You are worth it. You’re worth the ‘trouble.’ You’re worthy of our love, and our time, and our care. We want you around, and we’ll keep wanting you around. Full stop.”

Silence, only quiet breathing, and Janus finally cracks open the door. Roman’s sitting on the floor, back against the wall, tears flowing through the fingers hiding his face as his shoulders wrack with silent sobs.

Janus scoots over until their shoulders touch. Without speaking, he runs a gloved hand gently through Roman’s hair, over and over, until Roman manages to speak.

“You really mean it?”

Janus turns just enough for Roman to see him as he removes the glove from his right hand. He lifts his bare hand, and waits until Roman meets his eyes to say quietly, “I promise.”

#svs redux #POF #sanders sides fanfiction #ts roman #ts janus #my smol drama son #my smol slimy boi #roses writes fanfic

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