"i'm literally tweaking" "are you restarted" "you sound acoustic right now" "this has crackhead energy" "my ex is such a narcissist" "i'm going nonverbal for an hour" "intrusive thoughts won"

If you've ever been disappointed by dragonfruit, especially if you felt like it tasted like nothing, then I'm like 90% sure you had unripe dragonfruit, which tastes like nothing. There's a small window of time where it tastes amazing. You must have the patience of a hunter. Do not strike until your prey is at its most delicious

the realest man is Gotham is this random Blackgate guard who let Steph beat the everloving shit out of her dad for 10 full minutes no questions asked

from Robin #16 (1995)

lmaooo

someone make a workplace sitcom that takes place in the watchtower. in jlu we see that normal people get 9-5 jobs working there and that the justice league also technically “works” there for monitor duty and whatnot but they also use it as a giant dorm for superheroes. like imagine talking to superman at work. batman is your boss. you have monitor duty with atom smasher and booster gold. you eat lunch with black canary. the gossip. the benefits. the shenanigans. the very real possibility that at any second you could be attacked by supervillains or invading aliens. but its just customer service on steroids to you. i need this. itll be comedy gold

lots of times if I tell my boyfriend that I am proud of him for dealing with a situation, or that I'm sorry he's having to deal with a situation, he will say "no it's my own fault." meaning that he feels like he doesn't deserve praise or comfort for dealing with a situation that is his fault. (for example a financial problem caused or exacerbated by him having been too anxious or absentminded to deal with the situation sooner.) and I tell him this and I will tell y'all this, that I don't believe that. I think you are even braver and stronger for taking steps to deal with a mess that is of or partly of your own creation, because you have to cope with guilt and shame on top of the thing itself, and because you're fighting against the same ingrained dysfunction in yourself that caused the mess. that's like the bravest and most constructive thing you can do and you should be proud and I am proud of you.

The best cover for Bruce Wayne would be dumb carefree playboy who is also Instagram Optimistic, everyday he’s posting a selfie of his smiling at his breakfast with a caption like “it’s a waffle day! #goodvibesingotham #grateful” or a picture of a sunrise with a caption that’s just “wow #blessed” 

Every time someone talks about how it's our "purpose" or how we're "meant to" to reproduce, I want to tear my reproductive organs out and slam them down on the table.

The way this is low-key a good example of the language around gender changing in the last 15 yrs lol

murderbot.

I hate work I should be at the (remembers I don't want to go to the club) the imagination

This is what posting your artwork after a mutual posts a big life update feels like

Murderbot I love u

Original post by @lavenderlemniscate

no offense but if i exit out of a program that program should close. none of that running in the background shit.

if you don‘t personally own one but your roommates/parents do and you are allowed to use it, that counts as yes