꧁★꧂
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look at me. listen to me. bigots and queerphobes don’t know the distinction between a trans person, a gnc cis gay person, and a cisgender heterosexual crossdresser. all of these people are just queer degenerates to them. that is why their anti-drag bills are written so vaguely as to encompass any possible mundane gender nonconformity - so they can target as many of us as possible in one ruling. and that’s why you need to stop trying to put lines between these groups in regards to ‘who’s more oppressed’ and ‘who has the right to talk about gender’ - gender nonconformity and transgenderism are punished in exactly the same way. cut one of us and the other bleeds. our fight is the same.
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you ever love someone so intensely that it hurts to think about how useless you are to them? i wish i could give you everything, but i’m a speck in this world and nothing i can offer can quantify what you mean to me. it is not romantic. it is a deep-rooted desperation to uplift you, vanish your pain, and provide you companionship. i could say “i love you,” but three words cannot withhold the ache in my heart when i think of you.
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Scraps
I will sit under the table and beg for scraps of the life I want to live.
I promise not to bite.
I promise not to snap at your hand.
As long as you, my love, are the hand feeding me.
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is this it?
is this all i will have in life?
friendships with people i can no longer recognize,
a paralyzing, empty feeling
staring at myself through a window
living this horrible life
with a looming feeling that someone is watching me
living this horrible life
as a stranger stares back in the window
is this it?
is this all i will have in life?
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A Gust of Wind Vol.3, 8.24.23
“After Childish Games of Pain"
Too many teeth, cut and cracked
Upon my closed hands
Biting, words too, unwrapped
Presence to sink teeth into
The very marrow that demands
Guarded yet the world gnaws through
Bleeding knuckles
Struck, reprimands
Beneath such pressure, buckles
I am not made for human consumption
Do not put me into the great machine
Spit me out, not on, and I will reject such corruption
There is no piece of me worth parting
No pasture ventured, greater green
When did I become the rock, waves crash upon departing?
After fear, and pain; the hurt long felt
Wounds, unhealing, always seen
How is it I remain, thinking within the soil I’ve dwelt
@env0writes C.Buck
Ko-Fi & Venmo: @Zenv0
Support Your Local Artist!
Photo by @mynamemeanscloud
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Making poetry (mine do not steal :) )
Is the Moon really beautiful?
It could be the moon is only beautiful because it is far away
As you sway in the hamper watching the day come to close
You wonder how the astronauts see the Earth
Does it seen more glorious when cannot see all the chaos happening inside
What if the moon is not as beautiful as it seems
That it was just in our dreams
-ACE
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I tried to write about you once more, yet words remained elusive,
Attempting to speak, but a lump stifles my voice, unyielding and reclusive.
Within my mind, a symphony of thoughts chaotic and untamed,
A battle rages between delusion and clarity unnamed.
Perhaps I should depict losing you as emerging from ocean's grasp,
Left on freezing shores, as your embrace slips, an enduring clasp.
Atleast in suffocating waves, the water did satiate my lungs.
Rather than this void, an emptiness profound.
Though our love was turbulent, it was ablaze in fiery red,
Now it's an icy blue, love's warmth far fled.
At least in the chaos, I knew it was hunger I felt
Unlike now, where emptiness is all that is left.
At least I felt, rather than being numb,
In the icy void, my heart has become
~m
©sadpoet-m
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There is a center to this poem
But we cannot look at it yet
I check out a Harry Potter book to a student
It leaves a bad taste in my mouth
See, in the past 10 years the author has become
The face and checkbook of a hate movement
Tighter
I moved here with my partner two years ago
There were multiple contributing factors
I left my community and the hills that I love
In hopes of finding opportunity and stability
Tighter
I try not to use public restrooms
It's a habit I picked up young
See, when I was eleven some kids in my class
Started a rumor that I was a lesbian
Tighter
In 2022 there were 174 anti-trans bills
Proposed across the nation
In 2023 there were 588
Tighter
My best friend is moving this summer
She's thinking Santa Fe or Salt Lake City
Tighter
It is currently illegal in Utah to use a public facility
That is designated for the "opposite biological sex"
Tighter
There is a center to this poem
But I cannot look at it yet
In 2016 I had to go to work after Pulse and pretend to be ok
In 2022 I had to go to work after Club Q and pretend to be ok
Tighter
There's a pervasive casual homophobia that permeates this place
That my peers either don't notice or don't want to draw attention to
Am I able to protect these kids?
Tighter
A man on the street insults my transfem roommate
When I tell him off he laughs at me and calls me a dyke
Am I able to protect myself?
Tighter
There is no center to this poem
There is an absence, an empty desk
There is a grief I cannot look at
Nex Benedict was 16 years old.
They were a trans nonbinary Choctaw student
Nex Benedict was beaten by his classmates in a school bathroom
And died the next day.
There is no center to this poem
It's been erased
Oklahoma state legislators have called Nex's death
A tragedy that was over-sensationalized
Dismissing their death in one breath and their life in the next,
"There are only two genders" and "we don't want that filth here"
There is no center to this poem
But the outline remains
Oklahoma leads the nation in proposed anti-trans legislation
At 60 bills introduced this year
There is no center to this poem
Trans youth today are caught in a storm
And there are so few ports
How can I be one of them?
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I'm emotionless, and yet I feel pain.
I'm empty inside, and yet I feel completely filled with hate.
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The magical Lough Gur at Sun Set
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Remember that one Pete Wentz poem in From Under The Cork Tree? Me too.
From day one I talked about getting out
But not forgetting about
How my worst fears are letting out
He said why put a new address
On the same old loneliness
When breathing just passes the time
Until we all just get old and die
Now talking's just a waste of breath
And living's just a waste of death
And why put a new address
On the same old loneliness
And this is you and me
And me and you
Until we've got NOTHING LEFT
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Lost.
I’ve lost her,
My safe harbor in the storm,
Whose gentle tides erased the years,
The memories that came before.
She has wandered away to far-off lands
Away from my friendly shores.
I am gone with the riptide,
To the dark depths,
With no boat to keep me afloat,
No chest of treasures to hold my secrets,
No sand to wear away the harsh edges.
The abyss where no one understands,
Where no one dares visit
Its warm embrace of despair.
I’ve lost them,
The sunrise, the sunset,
The blue sky in between,
The twinkling stars once hidden
By cruel city lights.
There is no one to tell me.
No one to be told.
No one to hold
The galaxy of my every thought,
The joys and the sorrows,
The mundane.
I am left in the vacuum.
So much mass,
So much space,
And it is crushing inward.
The gravity,
The black hole of being trapped
In the prison I thought I had escaped.
The endless echo of the cave
In the space without sound.
The watery chasm grows deeper,
Straight through the earth,
Out the other side.
Into the dark sky
To the center of it all.
The force that began.
Where all was created
In its imperfection and error.
That silent bang,
Screaming just as loud as I am,
With no one to hear.
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coarse and soft
a beating heart
pulled too far
and ripped apart
tired bones
and weary limbs
they bled not red
those silent whips
cloudy eyes
with misty cheeks
a sulking mind knows
not what it seeks
A snivel, a cry
I know not why
deep lust for sky
will i ever fly
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Hands wander.
I often wonder if my chaotic thoughts will bleed into my response time.
Heart palpitations increase.
What if your body rejected mine.
Mind begins to race.
I always seem to find myself here. Alone in a coupled embrace.
What if I let my gaurd down.
Locked in a stare that could end all senses and the meaning of time.
Breath quickens.
Urgency has left me vacant and withdrawn.
This is the place where I most often find you somewhere between what is and what could be.
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I could give you the shirt off my back
With my heart up wrapped inside
Because I don’t know how
To take it off my sleeve
I hope it keeps you warm
Because to be honest
My world couldn’t get any colder
Just don’t break my heart
I broke it once before
And it seemed like forever before it healed
Sometimes it feels
As though I need to protect it
But I realized I only hurt those close to me
Because defenses were too high
So here I am again
With my defenses lowered
Giving the shirt of my back
With my heart wrapped up in the sleeve
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