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inbloomwriting · 10 months

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Everything to me - Chapter 1

Chapter one - Apple seed

Story Masterlist

Plot: Jamie Tartt is a lot of things: professional footballer, the island's top scorer .... sexually, extremly handsome. But one thing he never saw himself as was a dad. Too bad he has to deal with the consequences of his own actions. This fic follows reader and Jamie as they navigate life and turn from practially strangers to parents. Pairing: Jaime Tartt x female reader Warnings: Pregnancy, swearing, mentions of food and alcohol, slight mention of sexual intimacy (nothing graphic), strained/toxic parental relationship Notes: 5.8k words. I do not have a set uploading schedule. Please bear with me as I work on this story. I know hardly anything about pregnancy, all my information comes from google. Likes, reblogs, comments are all much appreciated. I am German. Sometimes I get the tense wrong or make mistakes. I am useless when it comes to punctuation. Go easy on me, please

"You never understood you're everything to me I just hope you know, the future in your heart Is just about to start"

The universe must be mocking her, (Y/N) is sure of that. This is all one big elaborate joke and any minute now Ashton Kutcher is gonna jump out from behind some bushes and tell her that she has been punkd.

She had a plan, all neatly laid out and organized. Blue ink on white paper in a fancy leather-bound notebook. Like a professional adult would do it who has their life all figured out.

Renovate the store and get it back up and running

Sell it for profit

Pay back Mum and get the fuck away from everyone and everything that has ever made her feel unworthy

That was the plan and she was so fucking determined to stick to it for once in her life. So this must be a prank. This must all be one big misunderstanding.

But it’s not a prank, is it? It’s the consequences of her own damn actions.

Her heart is racing as she climbs the stairs up towards Rebecca Welton’s office. Her legs and feet are heavy, like concrete. Why is being honest with your friends so damn hard?

It’s not just any friend either. It’s Rebecca. Rebecca who has always been in her life ever since (Y/N) was just a kid. Rebecca who is the only person (Y/N) ever looked up to. Why is being honest with her so terrifying?

You know why!

Yeah, (Y/N) knows why. Because she doesn’t know what she’ll do if Rebecca hates her for what happened. Of all the people in the world, she needs Rebecca on her side.

As she lifts her hand and knocks on the door of the office, (Y/N) wonders if this is what death row inmates feel like. Knowing the end is inevitable and it’s all your own fault.

“Come in”

Taking a deep breath, she opens the door and steps into the room. 3 pairs of eyes look back at her but really, the only ones that matter belong to the beautiful blonde sitting by the desk.

“(Y/N), Hi. What are you doing here? Did we have plans? I thought you went back — “

“Yeah I — no, we didn’t have plans.”

It almost kills her, that smile that Rebecca sends her way. The one that’s so warm and loving and that’s been a constant in her life for most of her childhood and teenage years coming from Rebecca. Rebecca living in that lovely white house next door with the rose bushes and the big windows. Rebecca who taught her how to do the perfect eyeliner wing, who passed down her coolest leather jacket to her, who held her hair the first time she got wasted and threw up in those very rose bushes. Rebecca who was the older sister she never had.

She loves that smile it used to bring so much comfort to her. Now it makes her want to die. The girl she used to be, deserved to be on the receiving end of that smile. She doubts she still deserves it.

“Can we—” (Y/N)’s eyes dart around the room towards Higgins, then towards the other man. He’s the American trainer, Ted. She’s talked to him once very briefly and he seems so — nice. Genuinely nice. Not for the sake of being perceived as a good person but because he just is. “— do you think we could talk privately?”

There’s a flicker of concern in Rebecca’s eyes and (Y/N) hates that she put it there.

“Oh, of course. Ted, Leslie, would you excuse us?”

Everything’s a blur. They leave and (Y/N) thinks Ted makes some kind of pun but she doesn’t really recognize anything but the racing of her heart and the sour feeling in her stomach. Oh, fuck.

Rebecca sits her down on the big couch by the window, the one that’s meant for personal talks, not business. She’s so nice. Oh, she's too nice.

“Are you dying?”

“I — uh, no.”

“Okay, good.,” Rebecca says letting out a sigh of relief. “Now that that’s out of the way, can I offer you some tea?”

(Y/N) shakes her head.

“Coffee?”

She repeats the motion

“Champagne?” Rebecca asks, a perfectly shaped eyebrow raised in question.

God, wouldn’t she kill for a glass of bubbly right now.

“No, I’m good. Can you just come sit down, you’re making me nervous.”

Not only does she sit down, Rebecca’s hand immediately finds (Y/N)’s, holding on warm and tight. It almost pulls an ironic scoff from (Y/N)’s lips. Mum doesn’t know but even if she did, she’d never offer this kind of comfort to her. She never did. So for a second, she lets herself relish in the affection. Just one second.

“Okay, now out with it.”

She’s rehearsed this conversation so many times in so many different ways. Like a school presentation. Meticulously planned. Even added in pauses for questions and shit like that.

All of that has vanished, her brain is empty, her tongue made of lead.

“I uh — look um. Do you remember when your dad died?”

Of all the ways she could’ve started this talk, this is probably the worst of them all. Who says things like that?

Rebecca seems a little taken aback for a moment before nodding her head and suppressing a slight smile, one brought on by the absurdity of the question, not by joy. “I do, yes. Hard to forget if I’m being honest.”

“Yeah, I would know.”

“Yeah.”

“So that night I was obviously very emotional because it reminded me of my dad and all of that bullshit.” Tears are already threatening to roll down her face, sitting on her waterline waiting for the right moment to strike. It’s impressive she still has any left to cry since that’s all she did the last few days.

“That’s understandable. Oh, please tell me you didn’t force yourself to come and relive all of your pain just because you felt like I expected you there? If I knew it was so hard on you I —”

This, all of this, is twisting the knife so much deeper. Leave it to Rebecca to search for a fault of hers in all of (Y/N)’s mess.

“No, Rebecca, it's nothing like that. I — I fucked up. I let it all get to me and because I’m, well — me, I got a little tipsy. Went outside to get some air and there was this guy. God, Rebecca, he had the saddest eyes. I just felt this weird connection so I sat next to him. We talked and talked and then ended up going to a bar and then to my place and then to my bed and well yeah.”

She giggles. Rebecca really has the audacity to giggle at that. In her defense, she tries to hold it in but it does slip out eventually.

“It’s not funny.”

“Is this why you’re upset? You slept with someone at, no wait, after my father’s funeral. That’s okay.”

“There’s more.”

"Oh, what is it? Was it a footballer?”

At the lack of a vocal response, Rebecca connects the dots.

“Alright. That’s — that’s not so bad. I was seeing a 21-year-old footballer. I don’t see what’s making you so upset about this.”

“I’m pregnant.”

“Oh shit.”

Getting Rebecca to swear was always something (Y/N) found a silly sense of pride in. Rebecca with her perfect hair and outfits and manners. It felt like something so alien to her and yet that was (Y/N)’s favorite version of Rebecca. The one that’s as messy as you and me even if it’s just for a second.

“Yeah, shit.”

It’s the first time she said it out loud. Rebecca is the first person to know, except for (Y/N) herself and her gynecologist. Her mother doesn’t know.

The father of the baby doesn’t know.

Just her and now Rebecca.

“And I don’t know what to do. This wasn’t the plan. Fuck — please don’t be mad.”

“Why would I be mad? ”

There is an infinite warmth in Rebecca’s eyes. A warmth she always longed for coming from her own mother but never received. A warmth that seems entirely misplaced right now.

“I fucked your employee. I used your dad’s funeral to make the shittiest of all shit decisions and now I come here unloading all of this on you because I, once again, don’t know how to get myself out of the hole I dug.”

Soft hands wrap around (Y/N)’s shoulder and pull her in. Rebecca smells like expensive perfume and hairspray. All comforting and familiar. It’s nice, (Y/N) thinks, that despite everything falling apart in and around her, there is at least one constant in her life.

“Were you really afraid of telling me or are you just afraid?”

She’s so smart and so observant, sometimes it’s infuriating.

“I’m so scared, Rebecca.”

Life doesn’t ask if you’re ready. It doesn’t ease you into things, slow and gentle. There are no training wheels, no floaties. Life happens whether you’re prepared or not. It’s nice to know that there are arms wide open for you to fall into, a hand to pull you out of the roaring sea as you’re just about to drown.

“You can always unload on me, you know that right? That’s what family is for.”

All the willpower to stay brave and collected and not cry, all that vanishes with Rebecca’s words. Family. They’re family. Maybe not by blood but definitely by fate. By choice.

Mum would’ve told her to suck it up, to stop crying, and to face the consequences of her own actions. Would’ve probably had an “I knew this would happen” or an “I told you so” on the tip of her tongue. There is none of that with Rebecca. She just accepts the tears soaking through her, no doubt, expensive blouse and softly strokes (Y/N)’s head.

For a long time, there are no words exchanged. Some moments ask for calmness not conversation. There’s something deeply therapeutic about crying on the shoulder of someone you deeply trust.

“Can I ask?” Rebecca inquires with a gentle voice just barely louder than a whisper.

She doesn’t have to elaborate. There are only so many questions people have after you told them you had a one-night stand and ended up pregnant.

“You’re gonna hate the answer.”

A laugh falls from Rebecca’s lips, her breath tickling the top of (Y/N)’s head. “Don’t tell me It’s Jamie.”

“Okay, I won’t then.”

“Oh, (Y/N).”

Where there should be disappointment in her tone, there is understanding, there is slight amusement but above all, there is deep and honest care.

“ Can you blame me? Look at him. He’s sculpted by the gods and something about that silly little accent does it for me. I hate to admit it, I truly do.”

“Does he know?”

(Y/N) shakes her head, guilt and fear coursing through her veins.

“I don’t even have his number. I know hardly anything about the guy other than that he’s a footballer, that his ego is huge, and that he likes to cuddle after sex.”

Rebecca’s eyebrows rise in surprise. “Does he? Huh.”

“Yeah, it was really cute actually.”

For a moment she almost gets lost in the memories of that night, however hazy they might be. Jamie was fun and to an extent he understood. And there’s nothing quite as sexy as a man who is just as sad and messed up as you. Is it healthy? Absolutely not but (Y/N) never claimed to have a particularly healthy view on anything.

“He works here, you know. In this very building. You can just pop down and tell him.”

The way Rebecca says it makes it sound so easy. Like it doesn’t come with a shit load of guilt and fear and embarrassment.

“Wait, I didn’t even ask and I just realized that’s very presumptuous and maybe a little rude of me — do you even want to keep the baby?”

That’s the big one. The question of all questions. It’s the second thought that came to her head when (Y/N) saw the two lines on that fateful plastic stick. The first one being “Oh fuck.” It’s the question her doctor asked. It’s in all of the leaflets and informational reading she’s been handed.

“I’ve never thought about it before. I mean sure I thought about some hypothetical future but those dreams always changed depending on my mood. Now I’m here and I need to make a choice and It’s — It’s terrifying.”

“But?”

“But I think I do want it. I think I want to be a — a mother.”

It’s a word that feels strange on her tongue, bitter and sharp. Like biting down on your cheek and tasting blood. Mother was never the warm comfort of a home. It was the cold hand on her shoulder, the icy glance of disapproval.

Maybe mother can be something else. Maybe she can turn it into something sweet.

“I’m just scared. This wasn’t the plan, not right now at least, and not like this. I’m scared of doing it alone.”

“What in the world does that mean? Alone?”

“I don’t expect Jamie to step up. I’d appreciate it, of course. But he has a brilliant career and so much going for him. Getting me, a one-night-stand, pregnant could ruin so much for him. I don’t ever want that.”

“No,” Rebecca says and cradles (Y/N)’s face between her warm hands “I mean, you’re not going to be alone. No matter what Jamie says. You have me. And I can guarantee you that there are at least 10 other people in this building right now who will also have your back. Whatever happens, I can promise you that you don’t have to do this alone. And don’t sell yourself short, you have a career too!”

Maybe the universe isn’t mocking her after all. And maybe this isn’t a punishment either. Maybe this is just life pushing her into the deep end. Thank god she has people to help keep her afloat.

(Y/N)’s eyes wander from the clock on the wall towards the door then back. Over and over again.

Every time the door opens and someone leaves the locker room, her heart speeds up. Maybe if she dies of a heart attack right here and now she won’t have to talk to Jamie. That sounds like the most reasonable reaction. Anyone would agree. Right?

The boys all regard her with a sense of cautious familiarity. They know her face, know they’ve seen her before but can’t recall where much less put a name to her.

Well, all of them but Sam. He greets her with that big signature smile of his, so full of joy and sunshine. Calls out her name and asks her about her day. Rebecca might have a point that there are more people here that care about her. Their conversation is brief but there is no doubt in her mind that if she were to call him any time of the day, Sam would drop everything and help her out. That’s just the kind of person he is.

She wonders if that’s the kind of person Jamie is.

Another glance at the clock. 2 minutes pass. The door opens once more.

Jamie is smiling when he steps into the hallway. His hair is wet, probably from the shower, and held back by that silly little headband of his. He’s wearing a ridiculously bright orange hoodie and obnoxious colorful sneakers. Everyone else would look absolutely ridiculous in this get-up. Jamie makes it work. It must be some kind of superpower.

Or maybe he’s just so unfairly fit that it doesn’t matter what he’s wearing. Even naked he looks phenomenal.

Stop thinking about him naked, that’s what got you into this mess.

“Oh, hi!”

He’s so nonchalant, so casual when his eyes meet her’s across the hall. And really, why wouldn’t he be? What they had was casual. A one-night thing, no strings attached. Just two slightly broken people finding solace in each other. That was all it was supposed to be at least.

(Y/N) feels the weight of the secret resting so heavy on her shoulders, she’s sure she’ll collapse underneath it any second now.

“Jamie, hi. Uh — can we talk?”

“Sure, ‘bout what? Are you pregnant or something?”

He says it with a smile, not giving a single thought to the fact that his joke might be no joke at all but the honest to god truth.

(Y/N) on the other hand, feels like someone doused her in ice water, just poured it all over her. Her hands are clammy, breathing shallow, heart racing. Maybe she’ll get that heart attack after all.

When she doesn’t answer, doesn’t laugh, Jamie’s eyes grow wide in return. Though his reputation might make you believe otherwise, he’s quite quick in putting two and two together. At least in this situation. He doesn’t look happy, that much she expected, but he doesn’t look upset either. He just looks shocked. There is nothing but pure disbelief on his face. The cocky smirk has dropped, now his mouth is opening and closing trying to produce words as his head is trying to process the information he just figured out.

“Do you want to go discuss this somewhere more private?”

Of all the places to tell someone they got you pregnant, the hallway at his workplace might not be the more desirable.

A pale-faced Jamie nods his head, his eyes distant and glassy. She knows the feeling, has been there just a few days ago. That’s his whole life playing like a movie in his head right there, now with added scenes of a small child with his eyes. Oh god, she hopes the baby gets his eyes.

Jamie drags her into a small room off of the main hallway. Cubicle cupboards line the walls, filled with shoes and boxes. Orange and bright green and yellow. Every possible color of the rainbow, they have a pair of shoes to match in here. The smell though? The smell has her gagging. Sweat and cold cigarette smoke. It’s disgusting.

“Oh god, Jamie. This is disgusting.”

“It’s the boot room. ‘s where we keep the boots — and people come here to smoke.”

“They come here to smoke? On purpose? Like they chose to spend time in here?”

Jamie absentmindedly nods his head. He’s so pale-looking (Y/N) fears he might just pass out any minute now.

“Jamie, are you okay? Do you want to sit down?”

His eyes start to focus again, looking straight at her. He’s terrified and quite honestly, she can’t blame him. Confusion and fear are all she’s felt for the last few days. A bit of excitement too, sure. But mostly the first two.

“Yeah. No. I mean yes. I guess? No. I — fuck.”

Nervously he combs his fingers through his damp hair as if to calm himself down. Is that something his parents did to him when he was a kid? A motion of comfort? There is so much she doesn’t know about this man. If he decides that he wants to stick around, can this ever work? Can you raise a child with someone you hardly know and not completely fuck them up?

“Is it mine, then? Are you sure about that?”

“No, I just like going around scaring people into believing they got me pregnant. Yes, Jamie! I am 100% certain.”

His hands fly up in defense “Jesus, sorry. I don’t know your sexual history. You had sex with me after a funeral, don’t know how much you get around, now do I?”

She had expected him to ask if it’s his, hell anyone probably would, but there’s something about his tone that is just so off-putting. The accusation that swings along with his words. The judgment. As if he is in any place to talk.

“Oh get off your high horse, dickhead. We both made that decision after the funeral. Didn't hear you complain. And out of the two of us, It’s not me who fucked a girl in a hot tub on national television. Eurgh”

“You alright?”

“No, this room is making me gag. I assume this is bad under normal circumstances but this pregnancy situation has my sense of smell going through the roof. This is killing me.”

“Well, why didn’t you say nothing?! We could’ve gone somewhere else.”

“I just wanted to — eurgh— I just wanted to get this over with.”

“Let me get you out of —”

“No, let me just say this real quick and then I’m off.”

She’s prepared this speech a million and one times in a million and one ways. It always worked out fine but then again, her audience was just her cat and the mirror. Having Jamie look at her, a mix of concern and shock still on his face, that’s a whole different story.

“I am having this baby and I would like for you to be a part of their life, but I accept if you say no. Just know that whatever you decide, that’s final. I can’t have you running off and then coming back in a few years regretting your decision and wanting to be a parent after all. And I most definitely will not allow you to say you’re in and then give up on the baby halfway through. I had a parent like that, I will not have my child go through the same thing. I don’t need your decision now just — make up your mind and make sure you’re 100% certain. Here uh— “

Trying to hold her breath so as to not breathe in any more of the foul smell, (Y/N) rummages through her purse before pulling out a small piece of paper.

“They don’t usually do ultrasounds that early but I made friends with the nurse as I was waiting and they allowed me to get one and see the baby. Don’t really see shit on here if I’m being honest but apparently that blob is our child.”

Jamie takes the picture, his eyes moving between the image and back to her, down to her stomach then back to the picture. It’s like his head and his eyes are trying to cope with the fact that there is a real baby growing inside her. His baby.

“I just thought you might want to have this, if not just throw it away. I’m not trying to manipulate or guilt you into anything. Let me know when you’ve made a decision. You know where I live and Rebecca has my number just ask her for it — I gotta get out of here. Eurgh.”

And while an overwhelmed Jamie sinks to the floor of the boot room, ultrasound picture clutched in one hand while the other nervously combs through his hair, (Y/N) throws up in the bin by the front door.

There are 3 things (Y/N) knows for certain. One of them is that Michelle Pfeiffer as Stephanie Zinone in Grease 2 is the coolest person in the world. The second one is that decaf coffee kinda sucks. And 3 is that whoever is knocking on her door at 9:15 tonight, disrupting her rewatch of Grease 2 better has a good reason to do so if they want to keep their head attached to their body.

Slowly she’s dragging herself towards the door. Today was exhaustion enough both physically and mentally, she really doesn’t need the stress of an unannounced visitor. Not when she’s dressed in an old, oversized Hardrock Cafe shirt, bike shorts, and those ridiculous yellow slippers she got on her last trip to Disney that look like Minnie Mouse’s shoes.

“I’m coming, Jesus — “

“I don’t know shit about babies.”

Jamie looks different as he stands before her on her front steps, hair messy and flat against his head, wearing a big grey sweater. Gone is all the charming confidence and the mischievous smirks. He’s all sad eyes and shy smiles. He reminds (Y/N) of a sad, beaten puppy. She almost feels bad for him. Almost. That’s until the words that just fell from his lips really register in her mind.

“You could’ve just texted me you’re not interested. Didn’t have to come here, really.”

“What? No, I am! “

“You just said —”

“I said I don’t know shit about babies. Cause I don’t. But I’m not gonna run off.”

“You won’t?”

Jamie has never looked so genuine, so serious as in that moment and it sends a weird feeling through (Y/N). She didn’t have any expectations in him. You can’t really have those if you don’t even know the person. Sure, she hoped he would take interest in her and the baby but things truly could’ve gone either way. To hear him say that he wants to step up and be there, that’s a feeling she can’t really put into words.

“Can we uh — can I come in? Your neighbor is staring at me.”

(Y/N) opens the door to let Jamie pass before leaning outside and facing the house next door. Sure enough, old Mrs. Hartley is standing by her window, eyes trained on (Y/N)’s front door. Jesus fucking Christ, do these people not have their own lives?

The small pink couch looks even smaller with Jamie’s broad frame perched in the corner. He’s holding onto the fluffy white pillow as if he needs some kind of buoy to keep him afloat.

“Do you want tea or something?”

“Do you have beer?”

She only raises an eyebrow in response and points to her stomach.

“Right. Pregnant. Forgot about that for a second, sorry. “

Oh, the privilege of getting to forget about that.

“I have water, ginger ale, and apple juice.”

Jamie screws his face in repulsion. If there is one thing she’s learned about Jamie Tartt in the limited time they’ve spent together, it’s that his emotions are always so clearly reflected on his face. She’s not sure he knows exactly how expressive he really is.

“I’m good. Here, I actually brought you some stuff.”

As she sits down on the couch next to him, Jamie holds out a Tesco bag to her filled to the brim with stuff.

“What’s all this?”

He looks bashful, almost shy as he shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly.

“Just some stuff for your nausea. Google said anything ginger helps so I got these lollies. Also sour candy and crackers. Not sure if it works but I felt so bad seeing you earlier and knowing it's kinda my fault, innit?."

It's such a sweet sentiment that (Y/N) can feel the tears gathering on her waterline. Maybe Jamie is the kind of person she can call when in need. Maybe he can become that person.

"That's very sweet Jamie, oh there's more."

It's a small box with two even smaller socks, so tiny it almost seems impossible that a human being can have such small feet.

"Saw them and couldn't stop thinking about how cute they were and then I couldn’t stop imagining our baby being so tiny and wearing them and, yeah.”

“They’re adorable, Jamie. Thank you.”

His words wrap around her heart like vines. Taking root. Blooming.

“Our baby”. The thought of having a baby is still so foreign to her. Her own baby, her child. Hearing Jamie call it theirs sends a flutter of feelings through her. Their baby. Part her and part Jamie.

“So what I meant earlier is that I don’t know shit about babies. None of my friends have babies, I have no siblings and all my cousins are around my age so I never really had experience with babies. I know they’re cute and I know they poop a lot. “

“They are pretty cute.”

“Yeah, and our baby?” he says and motions between the two of them “‘s gonna be the cutest fucking baby of all time. It’s genetics.”

The matter-of-fact tone in which he says it pulls a laugh from (Y/N). He does have a point though.

“I am not going to lie, I'm extremely unprepared for this. For being a — a dad.”

There’s a bitterness there, a heaviness. Maybe Dad is as sharp and as cutting a concept to Jamie as Mum is to (Y/N).

“Don’t have a dad. Well, I do but he’s right asshole, isn’t he. So I got no idea how to be good at this, had no one to show me. I’ll try though. I want to be different. I need to be. Promised myself when I was a kid that I was not going to be like him, ever.”

“I understand that, trust me Jamie I really do. But I need you to be sure that you want that. I don’t want you to stay around because of some misplaced sense of duty. I want you to want this.”

"Didn't think I did. When you told me and you gave me an out I wanted to take it. But then I kept looking at that picture, can’t make out anything on it by the way but that doesn’t matter, I kept looking at it and that part of me. That's my baby and I couldn't live with meself if I gave up on it. On you. A lot of people have given up on me in my life and I resent them for it. I can't be the one giving up now, can I? I'm better than that."

She doesn't even realize the tears have found their way out until Jamie's face fills with concern. "Oh no, I didn't mean to make you cry or nothing."

"They're happy tears, I think. I'm really scared, Jamie. Knowing that I don't have to do this all by myself, that helps a bit."

"I promise I'll try to be the best at this. I'll even rub your feet if they're hurting and I fucking hate feet."

Leave it to Jamie to put the humor back into even the most serious and tense of conversations.

"You don't have to rub my feet, that's okay. I do think we should get to know each other better though, now that we're gonna be raising a child together. I know hardly anything about you."

"Uh, you know plenty about me. You know I'm fit, obviously. You know I have great hair. I'm good at football, fucking ace actually. Also sexually."

That little shit has the audacity to wink. it should be annoying. It's weirdly charming though.

"And now you also know that I'm gonna try my best to be good at this. Hey, when the baby is here can I get one of them kangaroo pouch thingies and take them to training with me?"

"Kangaroo pouch? You mean a baby carrier?"

"Yes, that! Strap it to my chest while I do my warm-up."

"You are not taking our baby to training with you, are you insane?"

"I'm joking, Jesus. Would look fucking cool though, maybe get us matching sunglasses. Hats too. Baby icon."

"Oh my god, you know what, maybe this is a bad idea after all."

But it's not, she doesn't mean that. Jamie knows it and (Y/N) knows that he knows. For the first time since those two lines appeared, it feels like she can breathe easy again if even just for a moment. Things will be hard, no doubt but at least she can share it with someone. And it's just an added bonus that someone never fails to put a smile on her face.

"What are you watching there anyway?" Jamie asks, nodding his head towards the tv.

"Grease 2."

"They made a second one? Is it good?"

"No, it's terrible. I love it."

"See," Jamie chimes up, a small genuine smile.on his lips "learned something new about you. The mother of my child loves bad movies. This getting to know each other plan is going so well already."

And while it is a joke, there's also a flicker of truth to it. It's the little things that make us who we are. Like our love for bad movies or our desire to be better than our parents before us.

"Do you wanna stay and watch it with me?"

"Can we start from the beginning?"

"Obviously"

"Then yes! Give me one of them ginger lollies please."

They spent the next few hours watching Grease 2 followed by the first because - well it's just right to watch them both, really. It doesn't feel forced or awkward. This is not two strangers trying to bond for the sake of their child. This is a genuine friendship in the making. It feels wonderful. They exchange numbers, birthdays, favorite colors. It’s all very superficial information but it’s a start and it’s easy. This whole situation is hard enough, sometimes easy is just what you need.

The clock says 12:03 when Jamie decides it's time to go home.

Just as he is about to leave, one foot already out the door, he turns back with curious eyes.

"Do you know how big the baby is?"

"Uh, no. Pretty tiny I think."

"They didn't tell you what fruit size?"

"Fruit size?"

"Yeah like, it's as big as a strawberry now or something."

(Y/N) shakes her head in response "I think they mostly do that in American movies."

Jamie looks deflated for a fracture of a second before he lightens up again and one of those rare smiles takes over his face. The one that makes him look so boyish and excitable. Like a fucking golden retriever.

"That's okay. I'll find out."

"You do that. Let me know what you find. Have a good night Jamie."

"You too!" Then his eyes move to her stomach "And you too baby."

God, he can be so adorable it's absolutely sickening.

As she lays in bed, (Y/N) thinks back to just the night before. To the anxiety and the fear. To all the what-ifs that ghosted through her head. That seems like a whole lifetime ago and even though a lot of those fears are still present, they get overshadowed tonight. By the knowledge that she's not alone. And by the absolute sunshine that is Jamie Tartt.

Just before she closes her eyes, her phone dings with a notification.

Her hand comes to rest gently on her stomach. There’s no change there yet, absolutely no sign of a baby growing in there at this very moment. And yet she knows and that makes all the difference.

In a voice, soft like silk, she whispers “Daddy says goodnight”. It’s cheesy, outright sickening but in the dark of the night, who is there to judge her for it? Sometimes you have to let yourself be ridiculous and cringy if your heart demands it.

That night she doesn't fall asleep to fear and anxiety. That night she falls asleep with a smile on her face.

#jamie tartt x reader #jamie tartt x female reader #jamie tartt x f!reader #jamie tartt x fem!reader #jamie tartt fanfiction #jamie tartt x y/n #jamie tartt imagine #jamie tartt fanfic #jamie tartt imagines #everythingtomefic

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none-shall-caricature-me · 2 months

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I've noticed that, probably due to a desire to alleviate the grim nature of the original, many xuexiao fanfic writers opt to focus on (twisted or fluffy) romantic feelings of the characters. The emphasis ends up being on their romantic / platonic / sexual attraction rather than their incredibly juicy ideological contest and the antagonistic tension mixed with intrigue that Xue Yang shows towards Xiao Xingchen. Basically, there is too much 'lovers / froends' and not enough 'enemies' in their enemies - to - lovers / friends story. (I'm not criticising that. I'm a sucker for their mushier side too. But I'm equally a sucker for a good brutal battle of creeds.)

So let me fill this gap by describing how DELICIOUS the exploration of the 'you're my enemy and u SUCK and your worldview is RIDICULOUS but I LOVE rotating you in the microwave testing the limits of your resolve' aspect is or can be. I'll use some moments from the show / novel that I find striking in this regard.

XXC is very kind but lacks the worldly experience to be spot - on empathetic (as others have pointed out). He's also rigid to a fault. This is a VERY unpopular interpretation of mine but I believe he can be selfish / negligent in his goodness - he sheds caution about possible repercussions on his near ones in his mission to fight evil. He was smart enough to figure out the Chang massacre and trace it to XY. He knows XY is incredibly vengeful and creative in his vengeance. He's had experience with powerful people who will obstruct justice. Yet he goes ahead with prosecuting XY even when Jin Guangshan acts shady and uncooperative. Didn't he consider that this might put a target on his well - known partner Song Lan ?

Welp, then the Baixue bloodbath happens and XXC very understandably blames himself. I know we like to say it wasn't his fault, and of course it technically wasn't, but he did commit a grave error in not thinking through the consequences. It could be a miscalculation, negligence or even cavalier tunnel - vision, depending on your opinion. But anyway, XXC's morale is shattered and as others (like ameliarating) have said, he determined to never end up harming others in his quest for righteousness again.

XY wiped out Baixue for revenge, but also to kill XXC's hopes and vision, again also mentioned by others. May be a stretch, but it could be XY's way of saying 'hah, you don't care to understand why the world is as awful as it is, and then blame ME for doing shitty things to live it up in a shitty world. So let me show you how things actually work, and why my existence and lifestyle are valid.' It's like a really fucked up method of self - affirmation for XY. (Just in case - I am neutral on XY's actions. The novel doesn't give us much insight into his thoughts, so I'll withhold judgement on the nature vs. nurture debate about XY. But he's definitely an interesting character).

Then XY starts infiltrating XXC's life in Yi City. Why does he stick around after healing ? I like to think it's initially because he's a) taking advantage of XXC's generous freebies cuz why not and b) wants to torment him, yes, but he's also very very curious about XXC. Maybe it's because XXC's still out here trying to do good when many people would've either quit and hardened their hearts, or been broken irreparably. So XY think's he'll get both schadenfreude and try to find out why this dumbass saved a highly suspicious dying man and continued on his goody goody quest instead of learning his lesson. The lesson XY tried to teach him. Maybe XXC's whole deal makes XY wonder how his life would be if he'd acted nicer and more socially acceptable. Would it have saved him any pain ? Would he have had true allies then ? Did he choose a life of callous crime because he is weak - willed and 'inferior' unlike the seemingly unbreakable superiority of XXC ?

So he makes XXC kill on 'night - hunts'. Perhaps to prove that XXC got manipulated into doing harm cuz he's dumb or full of hubris and refuses to wisen up, refuses to become more cynical and wary of people. This ties back into Baixue too. Also I think the book mentions the victims are residents who mocked / cheated XXC ? If that's true, it's like XY is 'introducing' XXC to taking bloody revenge just like XY did on the Chang clan and others who crossed him / his pals. Like he's enacting teaching XXC 'look, if you keep up the good deeds, eventually you'll meet someone who ruins you so you destroy that hope for humanity and become just like me. Your way will always end in disaster, and therefore I'm justified in living like I do.'

Of course, in the end XY realises that XXC's drive to better society was his way of coping with the harsh reality of humans, especially after being ousted from BSSR's mountain. XXC didn't want to live in a sordid world. Meanwhile XY's coping mechanism was to extort the sordid world for all he wanted.

There's a tiny moment in CQL where, after the fake night hunt slaughter, XXC walks past a smirking XY and his arm brushes XY's sleeve, whose grin grows larger. It's like XY's relishing in XXC so casually touching and hanging about him totally unawares. Also he's horny for XXC's combat skills.

So yeah. Antagonist obsessed with corrupting his enemy, wrapping him around his finger, but not willing to let go. He ended up being totally down to bask in XXC's obstinate kindness despite that being the very thing he wanted to disprove and destroy.

XXC hesitates to kill XY after the reveal. What does he get from XY? Maybe it was reassuring that someone as hard - hearted and self - centred as his friend was willing to stick around in no man's land with him. It's soothing because it makes it seem like the world isn't that cruel, that perhaps the potential for good exists in people, hence helping XXC cope with his existential anxiety. He has to hold on to that hope even as his friend's identity is revealed, else there's nothing left for him since he can't bear to live in a world of evil and exploitation.

Why didn't XY move on after XXC's suicide ? If all he wanted was acceptance and shelter, he could've found so many other options. No, he was obsessed with XXC cuz he thought that if someone perfectly willing to kill him in the past over morals hesitated to kill him in the end, it must be an actual stable love. Where else, he thinks, would be find someone who loved him enough to not kill him despite them being such hostile opposites by character and circumstance ? Lots of people could love him cuz they agreed with his worldview or found it / him expedient. Who would love him even when their entire identity and misery opposed it ?

#xuexiao #yi city #is this anything #mdzs #xue yang #xiao xingchen #mo dao zu shi #grandmaster of demonic cultivation #cql #the untamed

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barry-j-blupjeans · 6 months

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TAZ NC Day 3: Three!

Magnus was never good at sleeping. He was too— too restless for that. His legs could never quite stay still, his mind would never shut up. And he got overwhelmingly hot far too quickly. And then overwhelmingly cold after he threw all the blankets off. His ma used to tell him that he slept like a puppy, thrashin' around and chasing things in his sleep. When he told Julia that, she had laughed and said that just about summed it up.

His sleep had gotten worse since he lost Julia. A lot of things had gotten worse since then.

Magnus sighed, turning over. The tarp he had laid over the ground didn't do much to soften the various rocks and sticks, and his sleeping bag wasn't any help either. Next to him, Merle snoozed away. He had lost his pants somewhere since he had laid down and Magnus didn't even want to think about that. On his other side, Taako was propped up near a tree, snug in his sleeping bag. Magnus knew he was fucked when Taako fell asleep before him. Taako wasn't even supposed to sleep, he was pretty sure.

He turned over onto his back this time, looking up at the starry sky. It had been… Gods, had it been six years already? Nearly six years, at least, since he lost Julia. Since he lost Steven and Raven's Roost and the little budding hope he had in his future. He felt like it had barely been half that time and, at the same time, it had been twice as much. Time didn't mean much to him after that. Nothing really did.

He had wandered aimlessly for a while, brushing off housing offers by those who survived the bombings. They still saw him as a hero back there. How could he be a hero if he hadn't even properly got rid of their villain? How could he be a hero at all? He supposed it was that kind of thinking that got him into the advertising business. At the very least, he was helping someone. And if he got Got while trying to fight some stupid thing? Well, that was no one's fault but his own.

In the adventuring business, there were very few places to mess up. And Magnus had made his fair share of mistakes, but he always got the job done. No one really cared until Merle.

Here's the thing about Merle: He just kept popping up every time Magnus thought he was gone. That man was a disaster in a way that even Magnus wasn't, but gods-damn, he had great timing. His shitty healing had gotten Magnus out of a few of his worse spots, even as Magnus had begged him to leave. After one particularly nasty wound (turns out taking on a pack of hellhounds— hellpuppies, really— wasn't the smartest thing to do alone), Merle had practically glued himself to his side.

"You don't get to die on my watch," he had said. As if saving people who would much rather just deal with the consequences of their actions was an everyday occurrence for him. When it became obvious that Merle wasn't leaving, Magnus stopped complaining.

And they roped Taako in eventually. Well, Magnus saved him from some kind of demon bear— it's— it's a whole story by itself, but the point remained: Taako got roped into sticking with them and suddenly Magnus was very aware of what his actions looked like from the outside.

They weren't— they weren't exactly your standard adventuring group. Hell, more often than not they got more injured on the way to the monster than they did actually fighting the thing. But for once, it was okay. For once, Magnus felt… a part of something. In a way that mattered. It wasn't just him anymore. He had two people on his side once more.

Three was a pretty good number.

Hammer and Tongs had three bedrooms attached to it. Two upstairs and one downstairs near the shop. Magnus used to have the downstairs room until it became obvious he and Julia weren't going to be spending the night in their own rooms anymore. Steven had not so much traded as he just decided to move all of Magnus's things into Julia's room and all of his own things downstairs. That left an empty bedroom of course, and they had plans to— for—

"Mags."

Merle's voice startled him. Magnus jumped, reaching for his ax, but Merle sat up very quickly, hushing him.

"You're gonna wake up Taako," he hissed.

"Taako isn't asleep, homie," Taako said from the depths of his sleeping bag.

Magnus exhaled, trying to get his heart rate back down. Merle reached over to take his hand, squeezing tightly.

"You okay?" he asked.

Magnus had to squint to see him in the dark— Merle was squinting too, but that was probably because his glasses were off. Taako's eyes just about poked out of his sleeping back, looking at them both with what could either be disdain or worry. It was hard to tell with Taako sometimes, but Magnus got the message anyway.

"I…" Magnus glanced between them. He swallowed back some tears. "I will be, I think."

#taz nc #taz november celebration #magnus burnsides #merle highchurch #taako #taz #taz balance #mine #ise cube writing #i could not resist doing Three on day three sldkfsdf #pls enjoy!#tw suicidal ideation #passively at least #ask to tag #<- fr if anyone needs anything else on this tag pls let me know

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aikoiya · 5 months

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LoZ - The Gerudo Feel Responsible For Ganondorf

Someone said something about "why are the Gerudo shamed for Ganon's actions & Hyrule doesn't have to be for the prejudice that their king committed against the Sheikah?"

And, I honestly got the feeling that the shame the Gerudo feel was more something that they put upon themselves.

Like, they personally feel guilty for their association with him.

Because not once have I gotten the idea that the Gerudo were looked down upon by others for their association with Ganon. At least not in the Wild series. Not even the insinuation!

Literally, the first indication of the Gerudo being in any way related to Ganon that we get in the Wild series is from Urbosa & she even says it more to herself because no one is there to hear her! Then we don't hear about it again until TotK.

And even when it is brought up again, the only people who bring up the Gerudo's relation to Ganondorf as a point of shame are the Gerudo themselves.

No one in either game seems to blame them for it but themselves. Everyone else in the games only seem to blame Ganondorf himself.

This indicates that the Gerudo have tried their damndest to either make up for their previous king's wickedness or to entirely erase their connection to him from the public consciousness. Or possibly both.

It also indicates that this is something that the Gerudo consider to be personal. Something that they are personally ashamed of. Not due to foreign heckling or prejudice, but because of generational trauma. Likely involving horror stories told to them by their own ancestors about all he did.

In a lot of ways, it's like how no one judges white Americans more harshly for what they did during their history than white Americans themselves. It also makes me wonder if it's the same way for the ancestors of the Nazis.

Anyway, the simple fact that Zelda didn't immediately connect Ganondorf with Calamity Ganon & didn't even recognize the name. Tells me that that second option is actually very possible. And the fact that the Gerudo are openly Hyrule's allies now also lends credence to the 1st one.

As such, it's likely possible that, until now, no one in Hyrule other than the Gerudo, possibly only the higher ranking Gerudo, really remembered the fact that Calamity Ganon was once a Gerudo.

And the behavior of the Gerudo in FSA, chronologically after TP, actually reinforces this idea. Which just makes the fact that Ganondorf keeps being reborn into their race over & over again & getting them into deeper shit that they will inevitably have to clean up on their own while Ganon doesn't have to deal with the full consequences of his own actions, an even bigger spit in the eye.

And there's no way that Ganon didn't have legit followers amongst the Gerudo that would stick around after shit hit the fan. Same with OoT Ganon too. The idea that all of the Gerudo were either brainwashed or coerced/forced into following him is ludicrous.

Remember, even Hitler had real followers & believers. And he was a maniac who's main campaign for getting elected was the promise of antisemitic genocide! There are people who follow his ideology even today!

And you really think that just killing some foreign queen they likely didn't even care about, would be enough to turn all the Gerudo against Ganondorf? Life ain't like that, ya'll.

People will excuse a lot of things if they think it's for the greater good. Or even if they just think it'll benefit themselves.

Just look up "Ordinary Men: Reserve Police." It'll show you just how easy it is for good, ordinary people to become monsters.

How insidious the process is.

Everyone is capable of both great good & great evil. That's why it's so important that we practice discernment in our daily lives.

You never know what the information you encounter, the people you talk to, even the environment around you is doing to you.

LoZ Wild Masterlist

#loz #legend of zelda #botw #breath of the wild #tears of the kingdom #totk #gerudo

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sapphire-weapon · 1 year

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My personal take on this whole aeon debate, as a non-shipper is that their relationship is just so unhealthy and I feel like his character deserves a little bit of peace in his life. Ada cannot give him that, and as much as I think she could be a great character - her character was born just from an idea of a James bond-esque sexy untrustworthy spy and....that's it. She hasn't been developed further because it would ruin the mystery.

I imagine Leon flourishing with an honest and capable partner in his life to support him. Maybe as he's estranged from his family (or whatever happened there) yknow if he's not on a mission during Christmas then he could go with her to visit her family, then the soft inner-leon could start peeking out. Or something.

I just don't know what there is to support aeon as a ship bar chemistry. I get the vibe some aeon stans thrive on toxicity. Ada is not nice. Sure she's got a soft spot for him.... But he ended up in a mental spiral because of her.

I'm nervous for separate ways. Capcom has really set up for him parting ways with Ada but I'm not sure I trust them to follow through.

Just my thoughts!

So, there's a lot going on here in this ask.

I don't like looking at ships from the perspective of "What does this character deserve to have happen?" because that's not how reality works, and it's not how storytelling should work, either. There's nothing in the universe that states that if you put X amount of work in or you suffer for Y amount, you will/should get a certain specific outcome.

What Leon deserves? Is the consequences of his actions, whatever they might be.

OG Leon does deserve Ada, because he keeps making the same dumbass fucking mistakes that keep him attached to her. If he can't let her go -- if he can't allow himself to mature emotionally past age 21 in 1998 -- then he deserves the misery and discomfort that it causes him. His horrifying, manic mental breakdown at the end of RE6 when she gets shot is earned. He did that to himself. No one else did it to him -- no one forced him to keep sticking his hand in the fire. RE4make proved that Leon can still care about Ada without becoming obsessive to the point of a horrible downward spiral that culminates in him becoming a functional alcoholic. OG Leon refuses that reality, though, and he reaps what he sows.

Is that what's best for him as a person, in order for him to live his best life? HELL no. But those are two different things. Leon gets/got what he deserved, and what he deserved wasn't what's best.

Don't be nervous for Separate Ways. Leon's role in the story of RE4make is over. Leon and Ashley are done. Separate Ways will deal with Ada, Luis, Krauser, and Wesker. If Ada is still romance-coded towards Leon in Separate Ways, then that would actually be really fucking interesting, because what Remake will have actually done is switch their roles around. Now it'll be Ada's turn to get attached to Leon in a hugely unhealthy way, and she'll get what she deserves for it, same as he did in OG. (This was also kind of foreshadowed already a little bit, with Wesker saying "don't come crying to me if you get bit.")

Personally? I get the appeal of toxic/mutually destructive ships. There is something very cathartic about them, especially if you're a self-destructive person yourself or you've just been through a bad breakup or whatever the case may be. I don't ship Joseph/Kidman in TEW or Tseng/Aeris in FF7 because I want a happily ever after. I ship them because they can never be together, realistically -- it's a dream born from a wish that will never manifest in reality, and I find the pain and longing and the "if only" that comes from that -- from the state of being so close to a person but never actually ever being allowed to touch them -- to be very cathartic.

Aeon is a similar kind of ship in concept, except Aeon goes one step further, and Ada and Leon do actually touch each other, and it just makes everything so much fucking worse. And there is an appeal to that kind of thing. I get it. I do, really, I do. The only reason why I don't ship them is because I think it's written poorly and executed even worse and it fucks up Ada's entire character and screws her over in terms of her contributions to the overall plot of RE.

But the issue from the fandom perspective is that that's not how the vast majority of Aeon shippers actually view/treat them, and that's where my disconnect with the whole thing comes from, personally. I don't understand how someone looks at Leon and Ada and thinks of retirements for them that are happily ever afters, or has fucking family/children headcanons for them??? THAT'S ANTITHETICAL TO THE NATURE OF THE SHIP I seriously don't fucking understand Aeon fandom in the slightest, and that's why I say that it's very likely just a case of a bunch of people self-inserting onto Ada really fucking hard because they want to suck Leon's cock (which, I get it! I'd suck it, too, holy shit I'd suck that man dry).

So like.

Would Leon flourish with a supportive partner? Yes, absolutely. Is that what he deserves? Not necessarily.

I would argue that Remake Leon deserves that, which is why the romance with Ashley has already been set up. But OG Leon? He's on his fuckin own. He had so many opportunities over the years to grow the fuck up, and he never did. And that's on him.

#TO BE 100% CLEAR I LOVE LEON HE IS MY FAVORITE CHARACTER LMAO #I'M NOT SAYING THESE THINGS ABOUT HIM MALICIOUSLY #i'm saying them as a writer and a story analyst #cause and effect should be the driving force for any character arc or plot #and the effect of leon's actions is unfortunately his own misery and self-destruction #and that's just what it is

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whitesuitjake · 2 years

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Solace

Part 1

My first fic!! It's been in the works for a while and I'm very excited for it!

The plan is for this to be a slowburn, but as I have little experience writing slow burns, it's a bit of an experiment.

Thanks for reading! 💙

Warnings: vague sexually explicit scenes, cheating, evidence of physical abuse, angst.

Word count: 4.1k

The lights shone like blurry visions as you moved in slow motion around the soft space. Nothing made sense. It was as if your brain was sending only half the signals it needed to make your limbs move, resulting in fuzzy, ill-planned actions. You were definitely drunk, and possibly even crossfaded. But there was no recollection of either substance making its way into your body, but it had to have been the case. The only clear thing was the sound. The force driving into you accompanied with soft moans. It wasn’t until your racing thoughts stopped that you realized the moans were yours. It felt good, the way you were feeling. Perhaps it was the alcohol, but more likely it was the drug of sex itself that was coursing through your veins. It was so dark that you could hardly see, but you felt every movement like each one was an individual shock wave going through you. A name. You were going to call out his name, but you couldn’t remember it. You had no recollection because you didn’t know him. He wasn’t the man you had gone to bed with every night for the last few years. He wasn’t your fiance.

***

It was the verge of a breakthrough, the point you had worked every day of your life for, the moment where everything falls into place. Just when you’re on the brink of finally touching it, when you can just reach the light at the end of the tunnel, you feel it: the cold, iron grip of reality. Two pink lines on a plastic strip leaves your world shattered. It feels like an earthquake, a rumbling underground that renders every building into a pile of rubble in seconds flat. All prospects of a future, a life of ease and promise, gone with one careless night.

This was only the start of the chaos, not only did you now have this to deal with, but you had to explain to your fiance exactly how you got pregnant while he’s been away for the last few months. To say he didn’t take it well was an understatement. Your hopes going into the conversation weren’t high to start with, but he truly surprised you. He had never been known to follow a destructive path, but if he were to have a villain origin story, this was it. A lovely purple bruise across your cheekbone was his parting gift. What a thoughtful present.

It felt as if you had been thrown back into your college days, a time when you would have a new boyfriend every month, and cheat on him with the next. This was the trend until you met him, the man who would satisfy your every need, stopping you from finding solace elsewhere. It was wishful to think you could ever grow out of your old patterns. Everyone always says that people don’t change, and you had dismissed it as people being too pessimistic, but now you believed it to be true. It was cynical to think that way, but it was realistic. In today's world, being cynical was the only way to make it out alive.

Not only were your actions of cheating less than adult, your consequences were ones you should have known how to avoid. This is something that happens to teenagers when they have sex for the first time, not someone in their mid to late twenties who definitely knows a thing or two when it comes to sexual relations. If you weren’t already hitting yourself for your indiscretion, you were definitely hitting yourself for the aftermath.

But the world goes on, the planet turns whether you want it to or not. We live with the fruit of our actions and our consequences. Mistakes seem to follow people around like flies on a pile of shit. They stick to you like adhesive. Regrets fade, but there will always be people that never forget how you hurt them each and every day, whether it was intentional or not. And to think you had such high hopes for yourself, such dreams and aspirations for your career and life.

You were supposed to get married, be the model wife you were always meant to be. You were destined to get promoted to CEO of your company, be at the top of a high tower where no one could knock you off. But now here you were; single, jobless, with nothing to your name but the clothes on your back and your old sedan.

So you did the only thing you could do with what you had left, you got in your car, and started driving. After your fiance calmed down from his initial reaction, he got to work. He took the liberty of throwing all your clothes out the second story window of your apartment and into the snow below, wordlessly telling you ‘fuck off and never come back’. You had no home, your belongings were too soaked through by the snow to justify jamming them into your trunk, all you had was the road. As you turned onto the interstate, you cried the first tears since you took that fateful test. It didn’t hit you until then, the weight of your situation and the reality of your loss.

It was stupid and reckless to cry while you should be paying attention to the road, but you were on a streak of stupid and reckless recently, and what’s one more indiscretion on the list? Nothing could change this. Nothing was a viable solution. Even if you chose to end the pregnancy, nothing would get you your old life back. The old job you loved so much, the promotion you were days away from receiving, the fiance who loved and cherished you and kissed away every insecurity, everything was gone. If only there was a way to turn back time, to realize you had everything you already needed in that moment when you chose to alter your direction in life. But now here you were, sobbing with your foot pressed down like a heavy brick on the gas pedal.

There was one thing you had left, only one: This small hope within you. The prospect of something to live for. A child you could love and cherish. A soul that you could bring into this world and teach to not make the same mistakes you had. If one good thing could come out of this, you would hold onto that.

Deciding that you would keep moving forward and focus on living, you relieved your foot from its task on the gs pedal and slowed down. If you were going to go through with this and have the one thing you could call yours, you weren’t going to die recklessly before you could do that. Despite having this small hope, there was an overwhelming emptiness you knew would never truly go away.

If by some chance you made it through, started a new life and replaced things and people as best you could, you would never fully forgive yourself for throwing away the perfect life you had before. Nothing could ever fill the whole your fiance had left, nor could anything come close to the dream job you once had. It was all gone now, nothing could measure up. It’s like settling for a chevy after having owned a sports car, it’s never the same.

With a sigh, you resigned yourself to the peacefulness of the open road. There was nothing to fix this, so you were going to learn to live with your mistakes. Healing was a ways off, but you could exist until you found out where it was, wherever that may be.

The snow was falling heavily around the car as you sailed along, and the sun slowly settled into its resting place beneath the horizon, giving the sky a hue of brilliant pastels. What a shame that such a pretty day had been soiled by so much anguish. The initial shock was gone, and your tears had since dried on your face. You had resigned yourself to the journey that your life had become, but one unsettling question still remained: what next? Where could you possibly go? Ties had been cut with your mom long ago, your dad had since passed, and you had no family that you knew of in the surrounding area.

The solution for the moment was simple: just keep driving until a better solution presented itself. But to what end? You were far too tired to drive through the night, especially with this second person zapping all your energy and making you hungry constantly. Just when your brain was done rattling off the few options you had, fate made the decision for you.

A loud noise sounded as your car lurched, then began to slow down rapidly. Thankfully, you were already in the right lane, so pulling over was simple. What splendid luck. Even if you had had somewhere to go, you now had no way of getting there. Flashers were turned on as you got out of the car to assess the damage. You had no prior knowledge of there being something wrong with your car, and if you had, you would have definitely gotten it fixed before you decided to upend your life like this.

With the hood popped, you looked inside. There was some smoke alright, but it looked fine to you. You, a person who had never fixed a car in your life and didn’t even know something like this could happen. Just when you thought you were done crying, here you were again, sobbing like the sky during a hurricane.

Nothing could ever go your way. Absolutely nothing. Why was it so hard for the universe to give you one nice thing and let you keep it? This was all you had left of your old life. The faithful sedan you’d only had for a few years. You sat on the ledge of the hood, your head in your hands. It was too cold and snowy for this. You’d likely die out here. Would that be so bad? It’s not like you had much to live for anyway. Just when you had resigned yourself to it, you remembered the tiny life inside you. It wasn’t right to not give this child a chance, to not even try for it. You had to keep living, to keep moving forward. How, you weren’t sure. But you did know that you had to try.

But at the moment, all hope of moving forward was lost, quite literally. Tears had considerably blurred your vision, but the headlights pulling up behind your car were bright enough to grab your attention. Just what you needed, a Ted Bundy type situation to make matters worse. If this was the way you were to go, then so be it. At least it wouldn’t have been by your own doing.

The driver’s side door to the car opened, and out came a curly head of hair. He was definitely handsome, smooth glowy skin, and a strong jaw. He cautiously approached your car, seeing you sitting on the edge of the front, under the popped hood.

“Are you alright?” He asked, keeping his distance. You said nothing, not knowing exactly how you would answer that. ‘Oh yeah, I just got kicked out by my fiance because he found out I was preggo with another dude’s kid,’ would definitely be going too far in terms of what to say to a stranger. It seemed like an eternity passed as you stayed silent, all the while his stare never leaving your face. All that was shared between you too was awkward looks and slow blinks, until you finally cleared your throat and answered.

“Erm, uh, my car- just- stopped.” after you said it you mentally face palmed. That sounded so stupid and unintelligent, not that his pinion as a stranger mattered, but it definitely wasn’t great for your self esteem. Wordlessly, he made his way around from where he was standing on the side of the car to the front, and peered into your car’s insides. It seemed he knew a thing or two about cars as he began touching different parts and looking incredulously at all the bits and pieces.

“Yeah, not sure it’ll run without a new alternator. I could call you a tow truck.” His offer was sweet, but you knew a tow truck would just take you back into the city, which is what you had been trying to get away from in the first place. You shook your head, silently declining his offer. He seemed puzzled, not quite sure why you chose to remain stranded on the side of the highway in the middle of nowhere.

“You’ll freeze out here. Let me take you to a motel at least.” His insistence on helping you was getting annoying. You got yourself into this mess and you’d get yourself out of it. Your philosophy in life was quickly becoming one of being alone and trusting only yourself. It was never your intention for it to get that way, it just happened. Even after his second try at being helpful, you remained silent. Even so, he patiently waited for you to answer.

“I don’t have any money.” it was an excuse, but technically, you were broke. The shared account your fiance and you had once shared was no longer accessible to you, even though you had been the primary contributor to the account. But he had seen it fit to punish you further by cutting you off to any source of money for your mistakes. In a way, you felt like you deserved it.

“Oh.” Realization was evident on his face as he shifted uncomfortably. You could almost see the wheels turning behind his eyes, looking like he was weighing different scenarios in his mind. Finally, he looked back up into your eyes. “If you’re comfortable with it, I can take you to a motel and pay for a room for you. I can’t leave a lady out in the cold and have it weigh on me for the rest of my life.” He seemed very confident in his solution, and even though you weren’t keen on letting a stranger take you in his car, it was your only option. Chances are you were more likely to live if you went with him, as strange as it was. You softly nodded, and went to grab your purse out of the passenger’s seat.

No words were exchanged as you both got into his car, and buckled your seatbelts. How odd this was, meeting a stranger like this and him helping you in this way. The car ride was silent, but not deafening at all. Lights you passed by highlighted your face for brief moments, catching upon the fresh tears streaming down your cheeks. They glistened with the spotty lighting, and no doubt the strange man saw.

He knew nothing of your story, or how you got in such a predicament. No doubt the bruise still fresh on your cheekbone tipped him off to some degree. How embarrassing, for someone to see you so low, whether they knew the backstory or not. No attempt was made to wipe away your tears. You had been wiping them away all day and at this moment, they seemed fitting. You had nothing of your old life left, not even your car. Your loss had been mourned earlier in the day, but now it was truly gone.

The stranger had driven to the next town over, instead of driving back to the bigger city, which you were thankful for. Now that you had left, and took basically nothing with you, you would never go back. That life, that whole metropolis, you would leave behind as a symbolic action of your old life passing away. The gravestone would read: “Here lies the life of a woman who could have had it all, but threw it away for no reason at all.” You shook your head slowly side to side, urging the thoughts to disappear. If you were going to leave it all behind, you would try to leave your regrets as well. There’s no use fretting about how it would have been after it’s lost.

Out of the corner of your eye, you could see the stranger trying his best to keep his eyes on the road, rather than looking at you. You were a case for sure, and anyone would have found it hard to not ask questions or stare at you in your current state. You were bruised (quite literally), tear stained, and not dressed for the weather in the slightest.

There wasn’t long to dwell on the thought as he pulled up to a small hotel. You had expected it to be more run down, but it was actually rather quaint. It had a well lit sign with no flickering letters, it had a freshly paved parking lot, and seemed well kept from what you could see. The stranger was out of the car first, and you slowly followed his lead out of the sedan and through the front sliding doors.

You let him talk to the front desk attendant, turning out their words and just taking in your surroundings. The lobby had speakers overhead that were playing some muzak version of a pop song, possibly the only disgruntling feature of the whole space. You could hear him finishing up getting rooms, so you turned your attention back to him. He handed you a key car with the room number and wifi password on the cardstock holder.

“I’ll be in room 218, right next door. Should you need anything.” His words were punctuated with a small smile. You graciously accepted the room key, and went in the direction of the elevator. You had expected him to follow you, but upon looking back, you saw him opening the door for the stairs. What an odd man.

Once on the second floor, you opened the door to your room. Not even bothering to turn on the lights and check it out, you dropped your purse to the floor and fell face first upon the bed. What a nice reprieve from such a decimating day.

From there you fell into the deepest sleep you were capable of while still being alive, fully dressed in shoes and all.

***

The sunlight burst forth through the open curtains, welcoming you to the new day ahead of you. The passing of yesterday was so symbolic to you, especially now. Carpe diem, they say, and that’s what you were going to do. But before that, you had to find a way to get yourself out of bed.

This was not normally a problem for you. Being a morning person for the last few years, you would always wake up before your alarm, ready for what the day had to bring. But now, you had nothing to get out of bed for. No prospects of a future beyond a child whose father you didn’t know. You badly needed a shower after the day you had yesterday. The need to wash off the events of that day was immense, but even that wasn’t enough to pull you out of this depression that held you down to the bed.

So you laid there, staring at the ceiling like your life depended on it. Amidst all the change in the last 24 hours, you found comfort in the non-changing patterns of the plaster above you. Your eyes traced every outline, every imperfection you could find. Studying it like you were going to be tested on it later.

Your effort was soon interrupted by your stomach growling. It had been a while since you’d eaten anything, and if the tiny life inside you had grown legs already, you were sure you'd be kicked repeatedly until you fed the little thing. If something was going to get you out of bed, this was it. A slow sigh fell from between your lips as you made your way to the shower to get ready for whatever today brought.

***

You had remembered something about a free breakfast at the hotel, and you hoped you hadn’t gotten up too late for it. As you walked into the dining room, the first thing you noticed was the smell of freshly baked biscuits. What an amazing thing to start the day off with. You rushed to the end of the line, grabbing a plate, ready to pile it high with a hot breakfast. This was pure bliss, even if the eggs were powered.

As you turned to find a place to sit, you spotted the strange man from yesterday sitting down at a table with a coffee mug in hand and muffin in front of him. He motioned you over with a small smile. Not wanting to be rude, you slowly walked over and took the seat across from him at the four-seater table.

“I’m Josh. I realized I never introduced myself yesterday.” He was dressed the same, seemingly only having one set of clothes like you. Perhaps you were in similar situations. The thought was comforting, that you weren’t the only one with an up-ended life and searching for somewhere else.

“Y/N, nice to have a name for the face.” He smiled bigger than he already was at your answer, having heard the first real sentence since you weirdly met come out of your mouth. He had this sunshine quality about him, almost as brilliant as the sun that signified the new day that you woken up to this morning.

A silent set over the scene, not an uncomfortable one, but one that felt calming. Josh sipped his coffee, glancing at a newspaper that was off to his right on the table from time to time. You dug into your plate of food, relishing in its warmth and taste. As you were putting the pepper back at its spot atop the table, Josh’s melodic voice flooded your ears.

“So where’re you headed? If you don’t mind me asking.” You took your time swallowing a bite of food, hoping in the meantime some lie about where you were going would pop into your head so you wouldn’t have to unpack all your baggage on him. But alas, you had nothing. So you settled for a partial truth,

“I don’t know.” It was good enough to make him hopefully not push further, but it wasn’t exactly the whole explanation. You couldn’t tell him about your fateful mistake, or about your ex-finance throwing you out on your own, or that you decided to keep the baby of a man you couldn’t remember the face of. You couldn’t tell him how you decided to run away from that place forever. You didn’t want to scare Josh away, even if you didn’t intend on sticking around long enough to form a friendship with him.

“That's so funny! I’m in the same boat.'' His laugh seemed to fill the whole room, and his face practically glowed right along with him. Josh seemed so happy, even if he seemed quite lost amidst it all. Happy, but lost. How you wished that could be your disposition. “I have an idea, and you’re totally allowed to shoot me down, but why don’t we go on together?” He paused momentarily, before adding, “like a road trip to wherever the wind takes us.” His proposal came out of left field, and you’d really be getting into it if he was the serial killer type, but what other option did you have? You had no means of travel, and no money to stay here any longer. So, you took him up on it.

“Okay. Just promise you won’t murder me.” You smile wryly at your joke, the first smile since everything happened. He laughed right along with you, quickly promising he wouldn’t. Perhaps this would be fun, who knows.

But no matter what, you couldn’t tell him how you got here. After being so vulnerable, you never wanted to be that way again. And as much as your heart told you not to, you would have to ditch him as soon as possible. Getting close was not an option. You were a lone wolf now.

“Listen, I don’t know your story, but I can’t help but feel we were meant to meet.” He added before taking another sip of his coffee. A small smile was your response as you felt your heart rise in your chest. This reaction was not welcomed, however. You would not make the same mistake twice.

#greta van fleet #greta van fleet fic #josh kiszka #josh kiszka fic #josh kiszka x reader #greta van fic #greta van fleet fan fiction #gvf fic #josh kiszka fanfic #jake kiszka #sam kiszka #danny wagner

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incoherentbabblings · 2 years

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I find something curious about Batgirl 2009 and Steph saying her relationship with Tim wasn't good for her at the moment. Wasn't she the one who (due to horrible writing) kinda betrayed and hurt him more than he ever hurt her?

We have a few quotes from Miller about their interactions, which essentially boils down to 'they make each other too vulnerable at a point in time when it's not ideal to be vulnerable'.

And as for Tim, they may run into each other from time to time, but she won’t be seeing him that much. They’ve been through too much together to ignore, and she’ll always have a place in her heart for him. Much to her chagrin.

Miller: At its heart, it's when your ex shows up right when you're ready to turn a page on the "old" you...

Yost: It's two young heroes having to deal with their insane lives and rocky relationship and find a way to work together. It's about seeing someone in a new light, and about second chances.

There's another quote, but darn me if I can find it, where Miller mentions how falling back in with Tim is something akin to being too safe, too easy and simple to do. I think that was the jist of it.

Essentially Steph is trying very, very, very hard to move past what she did. Batgirl is partially about setting up what kind of hero Stephanie Brown wants to be without Tim or Cass or Bruce's influence. You can maybe argue over how much her attempts to move on are more akin to running away (which she's explicitly stated as not doing mind you) or not actually facing up to what she did, but at the same time... she's not wrong to say its not good for her (specifically, rather than not good for them).

Moving past what she did means in her mind not smooching Tim Drake on a rooftop above Gotham. Her saying:

To me, this isn't her saying that Tim sucks necessarily, or that she never did him any wrong. I don't think you can take the 'me' part too literally to mean that Tim's actions or opinions are just non features in her thoughts. She's just laying out her boundaries.

I think of it like: Would them kissing at that point have done either of them any good? Would it have resolved any of the hurt they'd done or are going through? Or would it have just pulled them both back in for a moment of familiarity at a point in their lives where they're both a bit insecure and fighting for their corner in the world? Would that have helped long term?

Being around Tim makes her too vulnerable. It brings up memories she's not ready to face, either of his actions or her guilt. Steph says herself that she hates how much history there is between them. Something not being good for Steph, by extension, is also not good for Tim I think. He'd have achieved nothing there by kissing her aside from getting himself in hot water. Steph's growth is on display here, Tim's... less so. Which is kind of the point I think.

Tim's in the last stages of his regressive arc in Red Robin here, he's using Steph for his own gratification and will begin to break out of it when she starts yelling at him like a banshee. I'm not saying he's using her maliciously, or anything, he's just at his most... well. Tim at this point is half expecting to die in the next 24 hours. What good would kissing Steph do her here? He's proud of her and impressed by her and he loves her and is impulsively going in for a kiss without thinking through the long term consequences, because in Tim's mind there are no long term consequences. He's on a suicide mission.

So yeah. Kissing on that rooftop would not have been good for Steph at that moment. It wouldn't have been good for Tim either, but it's Batgirl starring Stephanie Brown featuring Tim Drake... The pov and priority in the narrative is sticking with Steph.

#when you read Tim's return to Gotham as him putting everything in place for his martyred death it... gets a bit grim but I think there's #a reading to be had there #dc #tim drake #stephanie brown #timsteph #ask and i'll babble #timsteph meta

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pebblysand · 1 year

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Hi, Jo! Happy holidays! I'm sorry to annoy again, but every time I read Castles is strikes me again how awfully real the world you built is compared to real life and similar situations. I was wondering what do you think on impunity in the HP world, and in this case I am specifically thinking about how the aurors are state agents and therefore were state agents for Voldemort's regime, yet we never see or hear about any of them having to face it (and every other single ministry worker as well) 1/2

omg stop! you're never annoying me! sorry for the delay in answering this! happy holidays to you all too!

i definitely think there would have been different types of responsibilities in the post-war universe, and i completely agree with your analysis re:the ministry. there are the "big name" perpetrators (umbridge, death eaters, etc.), but also hundreds of ministry employees who just sort of sat there and did nothing. the question as to whether those bystanders are somehow "responsible" for the actions of the government for simply "doing their jobs" or continuing to live their lives (think about all the quidditch players who continued to play games, shop owners who kept their shops open and sold to death eaters, etc.) is a fascinating one, and definitely one we (the muggles) have struggled with as a consequence of our various wars and dictatorships throughout the world. do you throw all germans in jail after nazism? where does the chain of responsibility end? is it fair? is it a sound foundation upon which to rebuild society? will it not just aggravate factions and tensions? etc.

this is definitely one of those things i would have loved to explore more in castles, had i had more space available to me. the thing with castles is that for all that is in there, it's already very long and i've obviously had to make choices in what i explored, so i did focus on the sort of "big name" trials (which is also what i think would interest harry more; it's obviously one of those ways i need to compose with my POV character), rather than the "smaller" responsibilities of ministry collaborators (though i do touch on that a little bit). it is a fascinating topic, though.

i think when it comes to HP in particular, the additional struggle you have to consider is that part of the impunity we see in fanon content is also due to how fucked up jkr's maths were, in the canon universe itself. considering canon population numbers (around 3,000), and the fact that seemingly hundreds of adults are working for the ministry, if you sack/imprison everyone who worked for the ministry during the war, and try to stick with population numbers as much as you can, you literally have no one left to populate the world, after the purge. so you either go bigger and ignore canon, or you go with canon and thus jail virtually no one. or, you do a mix of both and try to sort something out.

i think in castles, i sort of went with the third option. it's far from perfect and honestly, is one of the parts of the fic that doesn't entirely satisfy me, but dealing with this properly would have taken so much more time and energy (and wordcount) than i could afford to give it. there is a little bit of it here and there (the staffing issues, the purge after harry names names during umbridge's trial, where people get sacked but not jailed, etc.) but not much. i think on the part of kingsley and his new administration, there is a very real assertion that he needs people to man the ship, and that sacking everyone is just not feasible. and, also, a lot of these people represent something in society. like fudge, for instance, who - could you say he is at least partially responsible for tom's rise to power? sure. but he is still followed, he still carries some weight. and so it's easier to compose with him and his people, than to put him in jail.

i think in castles, i also wanted to illustrate that a lot of this impunity comes down to money, power, but also a great bit of luck. there's a couple of instances where people get tried in these big trials (the woman who gave up the location of a hiding place for muggleborns, the man who was on trial for hiding his voldemort-supporter son, etc.) who aren't big names and didn't commit "big" crimes, but are just there because they... got caught. and ended up paying for the others who didn't, or where better connected. an interesting thing these past few chapters is that i've had a few comments from the death-eaters-are-nazis crowd more or less telling me i'm a nazi apologist for letting the malfoys "off the hook", which is quite funny because (amongst other things), that's what happens in real life, isn't it? at the end of the day, a lot of it also comes from not only what you did and who you know. and funnily enough, the malfoys may be completely destitute and ruined, but they are still connected. to harry. and, is it unfair that the malfoys and fudge and all of these people end up moderately well after the end of the war compared to others? of course. it is what happens everywhere all the time. there were the nazi executives who managed to secure boats to argentina and the like, and all of the ones who paid for them. so i would say, yes, of course, there is a huge level of impunity in the HP world, but it reflects the real world.

(as a side note, i think from what you describe, maybe south america is doing it slightly better than everyone else before it, but i doubt the wizarding world would be that advanced. i also had a lot of thoughts when i was planning all of this about whether or not they would have simply gone for an amnesty law but i decided against it because northern ireland didn't, which would have been contemporary and closer to them, thus maybe something kingsley would be more likely to look at? there's a line in castles at one point that the muggle government was against an amnesty law as well, which actually came from the very same government's stance on NI around the same time, but i digress.)

regarding the broader categories of ministry workers, i think @ala-baguette also touches on this in knowing, and does it very well. unlike mine, her robards stayed at the ministry and worked throughout the period under voldemort's reign, which poses a whole lot of interesting questions about personal responsibilities. i do think a real story which sees everyone rightfully being brought to justice is tough to write though, first because of the population numbers (as mentioned above) but also because harry is incredibly forgiving as soon as he understands people's motivations. he forgives dumbledore, snape... so you quickly end up in a world where kingsley and the new establishment can't impose purges and sanctions because he needs people for society to function, and where harry will forgive anyone who gives him a reason to. so, de facto, you end up in a world of impunity where a few big names and unlucky people end up paying for the many.

it's imperfect, and as i said, i wish i had had more time to spend on it in castles itself. maybe in another fic, idk.

lastly, i also think i need to admit that this is my fic, written by me, and maybe that's where my own politics and opinions show a little. i'm a lawyer. i just don't think putting people in jail is a viable way of reducing violence and harm in society. i don't believe in prisons. i think they just make everything worse in 90% of cases. so, yeah, maybe there is a little political impunity in it as well, because i don't actually think putting death eaters in jail is a solution that would have been conducive of anything. i think putting all the ministry workers in jail post-war would just have led to another war, years down the line, and that's not where i want the story to go. i want them to learn from their mistakes after the first war, and make choices that are more durable. hence, well, imperfections - again. haha.

(and, as to your last point about compensation, i can't speak about that. i think i've planted enough seeds in text for you to have a guess as to where i'm going, a few chapters down the line :))

#castles #asked and answered #this was a super interesting question #thanks for asking!

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pumpkinupsidedowncake · 23 days

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Hey you're 100% right about Malevolent being ttrpg related btw. It was based off the writer's Call of Cthulhu campaign and takes place in the same universe with a handful of common characters. Also, Patreon members have a perk where we get to vote on Arthur's decisions a couple times per episode. This mechanic used to be more in-depth (with perception rolls, skill trees, and a sanity mechanic) but that was dropped pretty early on because it interfered with storytelling

Yes, but like it goes beyond just the origin and the dice roll sounds in the first episodes and the audience collaboration and all that. The way the plot beats shake out feels like they could have just happened in the Call of Cthulhu system. (I haven’t played it, so my knowledge comes from when I was researching how to run it and also indirectly from playing other ttrpgs. Mostly DnD 5e, unfortunately for my esoteric street cred.)

And that’s the bit I don’t know how to describe. Like, there’s a bunch of arcs that involve doing different things in different places instead of sticking to one type of story, which reminds me of when I was reading a series of DnD books and one was like “you know that guy you’ve been reading about? He’s on a boat now. I don’t know why either. Ocean time baby”

Like it isn’t that stark, there’s still a goal being pursued and the standard or subverted dynamic of Arthur and John, but if you tried to tell someone about all the interesting things that have happened in the podcast it would sound like you were describing all the crazy things that happened to your group in your ongoing game. “Like there was this guy with a gas mask and we stole his dead sister’s head, and there was this random baby we had that one time, and also we ended up in the Dreamlands and oh don’t even get me started on that, then we broke into this guy’s mansion after drinking at the murder inn and then we went to NYC and met a serial killer on the train ride over and then became tenants and released a horrifying entity and then” et cetera et cetera (that’s where I left off last).

Like other podcasts can become that way too, but they seldom feel like that when you listen to them. So much has happened in Malevolent that even though we’ve been following the same person throughout, I regularly forget all the shit that’s happened to him. It’s a different vibe than Juno Steel or Archive 81, maybe because the narrative focuses are different?

Like Archive 81 builds up a strange world with rules different to our own just out of sight to most, and each season feels different, but it’s more about the world than any one character. It’s them getting shaped by the strangeness and adapting and sometimes wishing they hadn’t and the choices offered never have a clear meaning until you’re knee deep in the consequences, maybe not even then.

Juno Steel has a clear narrative style, and that’s what I think of first: the character we’re focused on adding their thoughts and context to whatever’s happening “onscreen”, a la film noir or at least the improv game of that title. I am uncultured. The story feels constructed and clear and grounded, even though we are on Mars and impossible things are happening. (This is another one I’m not caught up on, but the focus seems to continue to be a wide range of characters and their motivations and how they interact with everyone else.)

I guess typing this all out, Malevolent feels more immediate in action and consequences. The focus is on whatever Arthur is doing. When he isn’t dealing with the world’s lore or his past, we don’t hear about it. It still shapes him and the conflict he faces, but we get less insight into it than we would if he monologued about his martyr complex or learned enough about the strange Dreamland inhabitants to establish what each of their “deals” are. We either don’t stick around long enough to, or they’re important and therefore a mystery to us, or they are murdered in cold blood. In any case it isn’t really about them because compared to Arthur, they’re NPCs. They keep us moving forward, even if we’d rather stick around and learn more.

I guess it’s the focus on Arthur and John’s planning and actions combined with the way everyone else’s motivation matters less than how it impacts them, the party/investigators/main characters. Like I’m describing it in extremes but I’m not wrong. It’s the closest you can get to being a ttrpg without actually being one, even ignoring the origins and patreon voting. Those definitely add to it, especially the patreon voting and the hints you get of it even without hearing the vote-on-this-thing prompts, but if it was just that it would be a choose-your-own-adventure type deal. Actually, I realize I don’t know enough about that type of game/narrative to definitively say that.

So basically, it feels like a ttrpg in ways that it shouldn’t necessarily just based on where it gets its lore and some plot-important background characters from, even with important choices being decided on by people on Patreon. I am pretty sure this has a different style than a choose-your-own-adventure story would, but all I can speak to is how different it feels from other fiction podcasts with big worlds and lots of characters.

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enchantechante · 2 years

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Hi,sis.Hope life is treating you well.Guess I'll get to my question and I am not the last anon even though my situation also deals with depression. I am in a "relationship" with a man who basically has me so confused.He told me he doesn't want to end our relationship but he doesn't call,doesn't text and doesn't visit.We sat down and had a very long talk about things and I told him what I need from him or I would have to go.He said he's depressed but loves me and wants us to remain a couple.Fast forward almost two weeks later,he only text me ONE TIME to see how work has been going and my day.That was it.No other type of communication.

I decided to get online and meet new people for friends.My "boyfriend" was my only friend still in town and his confusion was too much for me.I met a woman while just randomly chatting with people. She is amazing and soooo beautiful.One day she left her number for me to call and I did.We talked a few times but text a lot because I work so much and it's easier for me.Yesterday we were texting and just goofing around as usual then she text me how she's really attracted to me,wants to get to know me more by talking to me and not just texting.She told me she feels like I need someone in my life who won't give up on me and she wants to show me that she is that person,she knows I've been through a lot etc and isn't in my life to hurt me.Girl,I stared at my phone like well damn,okay lol.I have never had someone come at me like that before and I have also never been with a woman.She has been so persistent and patient with me as well.Even though I was in a "relationship" with someone who claims to love me but never even picks up the fucking phone and keeps blaming everything on depression or he's too tired from work(I work double hours than him and I work in the ER) so to me he's just full of it. Am I wrong for moving on Tae?We have talked about this more than three times.He is an older man and I feel he should be more verbal about his wants and needs.I told him that as well.How can you love someone and want them to stick around but put in no effort?I feel single and have people flirting with me weekly.He's been married and traveled.I have not.I want to be with someone who knows how blessed they are to be with me and show it not some old man who's hot and cold and changes like the weather.Can't blame it on depression all the time either because that's strange and I see most people with the messages men have done the same.I don't get what's happening but I like the woman I met online.She is so bomb and actually cares about me.I don't care how I look in this situation anymore.I have talked to that man too many times with no changed behavior.What would you do if your fiance act like that while y'all were in a relationship? Wouldn't that turn you off?

Whyyyyy do yall allow the foolishness and still relationship?!?

I don't date people without discussing pre-existing conditions. So Ive never dated with diagnosed depression. I would be all the way turned off and furthermore would have been cut ties.

All actions have consequences. Since you're having feelings for someone else - when do you plan on breaking up with him and why haven't you already?

Whatever's holding you back will resurface in the future so def address it.

Realize when we're hurting ppl start to look better bc the bar becomes v low.

Be sure you're holding this new person to the same standards. Talking about serious things shouldnt be rewarded w more commitment/action. People need to show you theyll stick to their standards. Good conversation shouldn't be a reason to assume they'll live it out.

If its hard to say I write a letter and read it. Do what you gotta do, love. But these choices may need some tweakin lol

#Anon #Meeting New People Anon

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rosysugarr · 2 years

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god that long post I just reblogged on the subject just. pointed out something clearly that I've had trouble getting the words for, which is that like. the difference between eret and wilbur's betrayals is that Wilbur didn't have to live with the consequences of his actions. Yes, he did suffer in limbo, but not the way that Eret has, and not as a direct consequence of his actions-- like, yeah, his death was a suicide, but limbo would have been that bad for him either way. Wilbur effectively escaped being held responsible for his actions directly.

Eret didn't. Eret paid for what they did every single day that Wilbur was gone. They constantly had to face the repercussions of their betrayal and reminders of it, had to face the fact that nobody trusted them anymore, that they'd lost their friends and their reputation was in tatters and yeah, they had the throne, but they're fully aware that it's a figurehead role, it's hollow. They don't have any real power anyway. They made a deal for power they never actually received, then paid for it constantly ever since. And the whole time, she's been doing her best to try to make amends.

So yeah, I think Eret has a right to be upset with Wilbur. While she has paid for her crime a thousand times over and continues to, he put something into action that could've potentially been even more catastrophic, and then didn't even stick around long enough to let anyone look him in the eye and call him out for it. I feel like anyone would be hurt and angry and feel like that was terribly unfair. After all, Eret accepted the responsibility for their actions; why couldn't Wilbur do the same?

(And yes, I am fully aware a whole lot more went into Wilbur's death than just that! He was severely mentally ill and traumatized and going through so much. But the thing is, Eret didn't know that. She wasn't around him that much during that time. She didn't KNOW what he was going through and she still doesn't. From her perspective, it is perfectly reasonable to assume he was just escaping responsibility for what he did, when she'd stuck it out and suffered through and tried to atone.)

#suicide tw #discourse tw #rosychatter

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beckface · 2 years

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Now Presenting: I talk about my personal Boxlietner’s Return AU for an unfortunate amount of time

If Boxlietner ever returned this is exactly how I would want it to happen (ramble ahead)

-Some big horrible event happens and TB and Squeaky are constantly fighting over what to do

-TB is the only one who can save everyone, but to do that he has to overcome the mouse brain. This leads to a painful experience of him creating a ray that removes the mouse brain permanently

-maybe he gets someone else’s help to make the ray, narratively it would be the most interesting for WG or his henchmen to assist him while being incredibly pensive the whole time, and worrying about him as squeaky grows more and more frantic and aggressive but logically I think Mr Big or Tobey would be the most help

-One he’s separated from the mouse it can go one of two ways, either he collapses for the drama, OR one time I read this fanfic where he just straight up kills squeaky and I love that idea (it’s called For with that Grand Collision / Came a Grave Consequence by SylvesterSV on a03)

-One sticking point I have is that Boxlietner should NOT become this moral straight-man type. He’ll be less evil^TM ofc but I want it to be more like a Discord from MLP situation, where he still plays by his own rules. The mouse brain, whether it’s there or not, changed him fundamentally as a person

-So yeah, if this was in the actual show they should absolutely not show Squeaky dying, but Boxlietner definitely is not nice to him to an uncomfortable degree

-This is fan content though so Squeaky can die. And it should shock the people around him, like maybe Steven stands up and seems so happy to be back and remorseful for his actions, and Becky is really happy thinking she got her friend back, until Steven just, murders the mouse with a haunted look in his eye.

-Keep the long white hair but it’s not spikey anymore. Ponytail like in chucktopia I suggust

-His villian friends have no clue how to deal with this. Like absolutely no idea where to go from here

-Steven definitely has to deal with a lot of inner demons and probably exacerbates them himself, but he’s still gonna keep all the traits we love about both canon character(s?)

-He’s still a creative genius with a flair for flamboyancy and sarcasm, he’s overexcitable and forgetful but when he’s in the zone he’s the top of the game. Also he tried to avoid cheese out of guilt at first but it ends up becoming a comfort food

-It takes him a bit of time to come back to being himself, at first he’s very closed off and very in his head

-Wordgirl is really insecure about being around him, not sure how to treat him, and doesn’t know if he even wants her around, but she really wants to be around him like all the time when he gets back, especially with how worried she is about him

-Steven, who is greatly missing his former friendship/mentorship with Becky now that he remembers everything is also really insecure about their relationship

-he’s overly friendly to her but also keeps her at arms length and treats her like a fragile kid (which he never did even as twobrains) making Wg’s insecurities worse, making her think he doesn’t want her around, making him think she doesn’t want to be around him

-Becky can’t stand leaving things unresolved though so she eventually confronts him like “If you don’t want me around anymore just tell me!” and they work it out and begin healing

-Frequent nightmares involving rats and mice and evil laughter

-he’s like either 19 or 70 no one can tell (he’s 32)

-He’s still friends with the villains and sometimes they come to him for help on gadgets (more with the kids then the adults) but he generally won’t help if he thinks it might be too far against Wordgirl.

-The villains, Steven, and WG are are generally more understanding of each other then the rest of the city is to them anyways.

-After some time Becky just starts coming over all the time again, sometimes as WG and sometimes as Becky. Once he starts getting into the groove of inventing again she becomes like his little lab assistant because I said so

-The henchmen and him are best friends and regularly hang out together, but they work for Tobey now (as like a gift from Boxlietner)

-“Tobes, from one former evil genius to another, these guys are the best in the biz. They’ll do well by you”

-The henchmen immediately little-brotherify Tobey. Like Tobey is the smart one absolutely but the henchmen absolutely adore him and lowkey baby him after no time. Tobey has two new (admittedly dull) father/big brother figures now that he gets to spend all his time with because he deserves it

-Glenn doesn’t know what to do now and has a whole subplot of going on an epic journey to find himself and comes back an enlightened hippie because that would be funny. He tell’s Steven that he is “more reformed then you could ever dream to be”.

-Steven convinces Becky to tell her family that she’s Wordgirl. He holds her hand while she does it

-Becky (civilian form) starts getting “tutoring” from Boxlietner, who’s trying to come back to having a normal life in the public eye (He does help her with her homework but it’s just an excuse for them to be working together on bringing back Steven’s life and on superhero stuff without seeming like this random little girl is just spending a bunch of her time for no reason with a former supervillian grown man)

-One day Becky Scoops and Violet are having a playdate and Scoops says “man I wish we could go somewhere we haven’t played before” and Becky is like “dude I got you” and they just barge into Steven’s lab and the man (holding lava in a cup) is just “children what the fuck”

-on that note both Twobrains and reformed!Steven have absolutely no cursing filter around the kids. Granny May hit him with her purse for swearing multiple times

-unrelated to the au but Victoria actively tries to learn swear words from TB and later Steven. Eileen doesn’t care because it doesn’t match her innocent-baby shtick and Tobey considers it beneath him

-I can’t emphasize enough how much this man is going to be an absolute mess like he’s that specific brand of fucked up old man who’s not actually old. He’s trying so hard though, and getting better. I really like Bojack Horseman can you tell.

-Steven reaches out to his sister and neice with the encouragement of Becky, and reconnects with his family, who all thought he was dead

-His niece has a pet mouse. Steven panics upon seeing it and almost tries to off it before being brought back to his senses by Becky (who went with him to see his family because he needs support and because, yet again, I said so)

-His neice is a few years older then Becky and didn’t get the full details, so at first she thinks that this is just her adopted cousin. They bond while the adults talk

-Steven and the Botsford parents get along really well, they appreciate him convincing their daughter to c̶o̶m̶e̶ ̶o̶u̶t̶ tell them about her being Wordgirl, though they clearly wish that Becky had felt comfortable telling them herself.

-Steven becomes the wine uncle to the Botsford kids he was always meant to be

-Sally, as the DA, and Becky, as Wordgirl, help him get get his life together, and Sally and Becky bond over solving legal problems for this slightly pathetic man

-TJ has some angst about his sister being WG, but he gets over it. The siblings love each other at the end of the day

-Becky keeps trying to set twobrains up on dates. (Spoiler she has no fucking idea what she’s doing but she THINKS she does)

-She only chooses men at first, just kindof assuming he’s full on gay, until he tells her that he’s pan (bad idea) and a whole new world of possibilities opens up in Becky’s eyes.

-Poor Steven ends up on blind dates with half of Fair City. He rolls with it because Becky has had him captured in her found family web for years

-The dates don’t really go that well due to his reputation. like Steven is still very charming and social but he’s really pent up at the same time, plus people’s perception of him doesn’t help

-Eventually Becky starts setting him up on dates with Villains, which is like really awkward, until Steven realizes that these are the most relaxed and comfortable dates he’s been going on (like I mentioned before theres this understanding between the villains, wg, and Steven that the rest of the city doesn’t have)

-Pick your fav twobrains ship to become canon idc. Personally I like grilled cheese because Chuck is just this mother’s basement kinda guy and him dating this brooding, tortured brilliant scientist is very fun to me. Also subversion of the normal trope- Steven is the huge flirt and Chuck is the flustered mess who’s trying to stay serious

-“Uh huh yeah babe that evil plan is definitely going to work. After you get captured Wordgirl’s coming over for dinner by the way, you should join us!”

-Whoever Steven is dating suspiciously rises to the #1 villian spot. Becky is like 🤨 but Steven says that he’s definitely not helping them, he just must be so incredibly inspiring to be around, he swears

-Steven isn’t really siding with anyone, he kindof loses any care for Fair City, maybe even growing a bit bitter towards it, he just cares about specific people.

#wordgirl #hc/au #becky botsford #Boxleitner’s Return #dr two brains #steven boxleitner #tobey mccallister #chuck the evil sandwich making guy #squeaky #I am just been thinkin #my brain holds so many thoughts about steven

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tricksters-captain · 3 years

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Helmut Zemo imagines - Hostage Part 1

AN: I came up with this idea for a series in the shower and I hope you guys are as intrigued by it as I am. Also I’m aware it’s posted later than I said but I’m a perfectionist and couldn’t post it until I was happy with it!! To make up for it, I have some Laszlo Kreizler smut coming up soon for you Alienist fans.

Summary: You were chosen as one of Karli’s elite. You became a super soldier to help your cause, make the world a better place but taking the serum came with a price. After being cornered one day, you’re taken by the famous Helmut Zemo to give him answers or face the consequences.

In This Chapter: Introductions. You are sent on a mission for Karli, only for it to turn bad.

Pairing(s): Zemo x Fem!Reader, Karli Morganthau x Platonic!Reader

Word Count: 2,703

Warnings: Spoilers for TFATWS, violence, strong language

You stared back at the burning building as the truck pulled away.

Despite the rumbling of the thick tires on the tarmac beneath you, you could hear the screaming.

“Hey.” DeeDee placed a hand on your shoulder and tugged you round. “Don’t look.”

You could see in her eyes that she was just as shocked as you were but was trying to hide it.

The task had been to remove as many supplies as possible from the GRC depot to take back to the camps in Riga. There had been no mention of bombing the place.

Lennox’s eyes met yours in the rear-view mirror. You were all thinking the same thing.

Why would Karli go through with something that hadn’t even been discussed?

“Turn here. It’s faster.” DeeDee leant forward pointing towards a more narrow alley as fire engine sirens echoed up ahead.

Lennox did as suggested and the others followed close behind.

It wasn’t a long drive from Vilnius to Riga but you all stopped when daylight broke to take some time to eat something.

You sat down beside Diego, your eyes flickering to Karli every few minutes as she dished out supplies for you all.

She noticed.

“(Y/n).” Karli remained standing as she handed out the last can to Dovich.

You took the hint and rose to your feet.

You followed her to the side of the abandoned structure as the others tried to tune the radio.

“What’s the problem?” Karli asked you, a hard expression across her features.

“What’s the problem?” You couldn’t help but scoff at the question. “Karli, you blew up a building with people still tied up inside.”

“I did what I had to do. It’s the only language these people understand. You saw just how much food, water and medicine they were sitting on. If we had a fraction of that just a few months ago Mama Donya might still be alive.” You could see the tears Karli was trying to suppress as she spoke of Mama Donya.

“You still should’ve consulted us before you went ahead with it. We’re better than an eye for an eye and you know that.” You cautiously took her hand into yours to try and comfort her. “We’re trying to make a difference here.”

“And that is how we do it.” She dropped your hand as she defended her actions. You shook your head but didn’t retaliate. You knew there was no use in arguing with her in that moment.

“There’s something I need you to do after Mama Donya’s funeral today.” Karli was quick to change the topic. “A mission for you and DeeDee.”

“What is it?” You asked, folding your arms across your chest.

“I need you to go to these coordinates immediately after the funeral. One of our allies will be expecting you both. He has information and something I need. It’ll be a parcel, small enough to conceal so you can make your way back to us without any suspicion.” Karli texted over the coordinates and the information on the contact.

“How can you be sure it’s safe?” You asked as you studied his profile.

“I wouldn’t send you if it wasn’t.” Karli paused before she wrapped her hand around the back of your neck and brought your forehead to hers. “We have to stick together now more than ever.”

You closed your eyes and exhaled a shaky breath.

“One world.” You muttered.

“One people.”Karli pulled away just as Dovich called over to you both.

They had managed to get the radio to work.

You sat down and opened a can of fruit slices to try and quench your hunger.

“The depot that was bombed was funded and run by the GRC, the Global Repatriation Council. One of the workers killed was the father of two and had only been on the job for one week. After condemning this latest action by the radical group known as the Flag Smashers, the GRC formally began drafting legislation known as The Patch Act, which would seek to restore traditional border regulations and fast-track the return to normalcy. The act of violence has also brought attention and followers to the Flag Smasher cause. No one can deny the world-wide reach of this group is growing, as is the danger.”

You shared a look with Gigi and Dovich as you listened to the broadcast. Your stomach churned at the mention of the father. You swallowed hard as you placed your food down.

Karli parted from the group again, feeling the pressure of the eyes on her, but you chose not to follow.

You had known Karli for 3 years. You met in Riga and became close quickly. You both had lost everything and then you had each other. When she took off to Madripoor, you followed. She always knew how to get people to see things her way, she had a spark inside of her that drew in those who wanted to fight for something; she was powerful for 19. She only grew more powerful with the serums.

You had backed her and supported her from the start but something was twisting. Something was going sour. You had never killed innocents before but in Karli’s eyes; was anyone on the side of the GRC innocent?

“Finish up. We need to get to the border in time to meet our contact.” Karli strode past the group and didn’t stop until she climbed into one of the cars.

You cleaned up after yourselves, leaving no trace that you were there, before you got back on the road.

You were back in Riga soon enough, your contact at the border let you through without any issues and you made it to the checkpoint with all the supplies safely.

Fortunately, you still had time to spare before Donya’s funeral.

You remained hidden, on the low, whilst Karli went with Nico to pick up the leftover serums.

You had previously spoken about creating more super soldiers. You had been against it. There were more than enough of you for the moment and the process of turning into one was beyond any pain you’d ever felt. You didn’t think more people needed to go through that. However, the vote passed and more were to be created.

“You ready?” Karli asked you as she returned. You nodded.

You headed to the secret location of Mama Donya’s funeral and fell into the crowd as the body came into sight. Mama Donya had been important to Karli and therefore important to you. She had been a kind woman. Kind to you. But Karli had a bond with her that you didn’t. This was Karli’s time to heal, to grieve, to help those who also relied on Donya.

You watched Karli step up to say a few words.

“I don’t remember my mother or my father. Same goes for siblings, grandparents, cousins. What I do remember is being alone. Worse than being hungry or cold or scared. I was alone. Until Mama Donya. Like a lot of you here, Mama Donya saved me. She clothed me, fed me, loved me.” You followed Karli’s eye line when she gasped softly.

It was Sam Wilson. Avenger.

You felt your blood go cold. Usually where there was one avenger, there were sure to be more.

“She taught me that we have to do for each other because they won’t. And we know who they are. They imposed struggle and hardship on us, then labeled us as criminals for pushing back. But the struggle is what brings us all together. People who have nothin’ in common. For we are, after all, simply one world and one people. So live accordingly.”

As you stepped forward and placed your bouquet of flowers down beside Donya, Karli clasped hold on your wrist.

“Go now.” She whispered under her breath.

“What about you?” You asked.

“I’ll be fine. Get to the contact.” Karli tried to assure you but you weren’t certain on leaving her. Dovich guided you away to stop you from arguing with Karli about it. He told you that he was going to stay behind to help Karli and that you had a more important job to do right now.

You had to give in and leave.

As you made your exit, you grabbed DeeDee and the keys to the motorbike outside.

“We gotta make a detour. Make sure we aren’t being followed.” You announced as you climbed onto the motorbike.

“Karli said our guy would wait for us so it’s better to be safe than sorry. We can’t mess this up.” DeeDee agreed with you as she placed herself behind you.

You took off down the street and did your best to lose any tails.

You ended up ditching the bike and moving underground once you were sure you were alone.

You were either really lucky or they had only brought enough backup to deal with Karli.

“We should be close.” You checked your phone to read the GPS before placing on your mask.

DeeDee held the flashlight up as you worked your way through the empty tunnel.

“You’d think Karli could organise a rendezvous point somewhere a little less musty.” DeeDee grimaced as a trio of rats scattered past you both.

“This is the safest way. We may have gained a lot of supporters above ground but we have a lot of enemies too.” You tried to defend Karli’s choice but even you had to admit that the sewers were a low point for you all.

“You think she got away okay?” DeeDee asked, the concern obvious in her voice despite her blank expression.

“I think Karli’s smart and she wouldn’t stick around if she knew she couldn’t win.” You may have been anxious for her but you rarely had doubts with Karli. Even without the serum she always managed to slip through the cracks.

As you continued to make your way through the tunnels, you spotted a silhouette up ahead.

You narrowed your eyes as DeeDee shone her light on him.

Fortautely, it was your contact.

“Greetings.” The man smiled widely at you both. He wore a bright head torch that stopped you from looking him in the eye and a large forest green coat.

“We’re here to collect the parcel and information for Karli.” DeeDee informed him, shading her eyes from his light as she tried to lift her gaze.

“Yes. Yes. I know.” The short man pulled out a small object wrapped in brown paper from under his coat. “Karli said you would be coming.”

As the man spoke, you heard something splash in the water behind you.

“What was that?” You asked, looking back to see if you could spot anything.

“It was probably just one of the rats.” DeeDee tried to assure you but the hairs on the back of your neck began to stand up.

You had a bad feeling about it.

“I’m going to check it out.” You whispered to her. “Better safe than sorry.” You repeated what she had said earlier.

“Be careful.” DeeDee handed you her flashlight before letting you go.

You crept back round the corner from whence you had came. You remained close to the wall to avoid any oncoming intruders head on. Peering down into the water, you saw that it had been in fact just a rat that was now paddling through the sewage.

“It's okay.” You relaxed, shouting ahead so they could hear you. “It was just a ra–––” You were cut short by a gloved hand covering your mouth.

You sent your elbow backwards instinctively which threw your attacker into the wall.

You spun around to see a figure dressed in a lavish coat with a purple mask covering his face. You furrowed your eyebrows at his appearance. You didn’t recognise him as an Avenger.

He came towards you, sending a fist to the side of your head. You managed to block his attack, kicking him in the chest.

You thought he’d be no match for you with your enhanced powers but he managed to put up a good fight.

He wrestled with you against the wall as he gained the advantage. You resorted in head butting him to get him off you.

You sent your leg up into his side but he wrapped his arm around your calf and yanked you forward. You lost your balance as he grip moved, hooking under your knee. He squeezed your thigh against him as he pulled out a rather large syringe.

“DEE! RUN!” You managed to howl before the needle sunk into your thigh.

You tried to fight again as he dropped your leg but your vision became patchy and your balance began to sway.

Not to your knowledge, he had injected as much tranquilliser into you as one would a tiger. Your enhanced abilities wouldn’t help you with that, you were soon out cold.

The stars shone above you as you and Karli laid back on the bonnet of the car.

“I genuinely believe that you could be the one to change things, Karl.” You said as you munched down on the chocolate bar she had gifted you.

“What are you on about?” Karli furrowed her eyebrows through her smile as she turned her head to face you.

“I mean look what you did for my birthday, just using your powers of persuasion.” You smirked.

“Persuasion isn’t enough to change things.” Karli disagreed.

“You’re right but right now, people need someone to look up to. Half the world is gone and hope isn’t something that's easy to come by anymore.” You stated.

“And you think that person could be me?” Karli scoffed at the idea.

“I think you could do anything you wanted if you put your mind to it.” You broke off a piece of chocolate and handed it to her.

“I think you’re spending too much time around Mama Donya.” Karli took the chocolate and popped it in her mouth.

“We’ll see who’s right one day.” You mused with a small smile. Karli rolled her eyes before trying to steal another piece. “Hey! It’s my birthday present!”

When your eyes finally opened, you realised you were no longer in the sewers.

You were standing but your hands were up above your head, chained to the wall behind you and a large metal strip was around your neck also. You desperately tried to search your surroundings through your mask but the restraints stopped you from moving much.

The room was dark, no windows, a few dim lights dotted around caused the room to seem almost a brown colour and there was little furniture.

You would’ve been a fool if you didn’t noticed the gun on a small table off to the side as well as the medical equipment glistening on a tall metal cart.

Your head throbbed and your mouth held the metallic taste of blood. You tugged at your wrist restraints to test their strength and to your luck they were holding.

“You’re awake.” You heard a thick accented voice when you stopped rattling your chains. “Good.”

The possessor of the voice, your kidnapper, stepped into light and you clocked who it was immediately.

It was Baron Helmut Zemo.

Zemo could not see your face as he had left the mask on you but he could tell from your eyes that you knew who he was.

“I bet you are wondering why you are here. Tied up in this basement.” Zemo started. “Let’s start with introductions, shall we?”

You remained silent.

“My name is Helmut Zemo––”

“––I know who you are.” You retorted.

“Then you know what I am capable of.” Zemo glared at you for the interruption. His hands finding his pockets as his eyes settled on your own.

“I know you’re going to kill me.” You knew of what happened with the Avengers. You knew of Siberia and the destroyed soldiers. You knew of his hate.

“I’m not going to kill you.” Zemo wagged his finger at you. “Not yet at least. No. We have a few things I’d like to discuss first.”

“Like what?” You scowled at the man.

“Like the whereabouts of Karli Morgenthau.”

(PART 2 HERE)

Taglist

@cathrin2405 @serenityfirefly97 @shannon-posts @dxnxdjarxn @hiddlepiddlediddlewiddle @trelaney @sierrabaltzer @daydreamer-in-training @e-barba @ornella0910 @natty13 @bry-97 @cherieweasley @kermuddgen @madelyn-barnes @jaxcliffaconda @candicerace @mo320 @takacsgram @hiccup005

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early2000smovieimagines · 3 years

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Meeting and Dating Ron Weasley

(Not my gif)(Requested by anonymous)

- Technically, you and Ron didn’t meet until fourth year but the redheaded boy had been in love with you since the moment he saw you, which was during first year at the magical school.

- While he was certainly too shy to approach you, he did do quite a bit of staring and talking to Harry about you; though he tried to pretend as though he couldn’t care less every time he realized how in love he sounded.

- So fourth year comes around and he’s still just as infatuated with you; and just as emotionally stunted about it, as ever. But then, it happens.

“Hey Ginny.”

- You waved at the redheaded girl as you passed with a few of your friends, causing her older brother to stare at her as though she’d suddenly sprouted another head.

“How do you know y/n y/l/n?!” Ron immediately asked after you were far away enough not to hear.

- He spent the rest of their walk questioning her as to how she knew you and how you met and if you were close and blah, blah, blah. Ginny only got him to lay off after she started teasing him for being in love with you, but even then he still sent a few hesitant questions her way, all the while insisting he wasn’t all that interested.

- Ginny is very pleased with her newfound power. It was like the cat who got the canary the first time she brought you over and introduced you to her blushing brother. Ron could have killed her yet “kissed” her at the same time; not literally.

- Even though you now know each other and are on friendlier terms, he’s still nervous and awkward around you. He’s always messing up his words, stuttering, tripping over things, staring, etc. He’s awful with women if you weren’t aware.

- And yet, you still seem to like him, and over time he does start to relax, even though he still has his moments.

- Ron never actually asks you out, you just sort of have a silent agreement. You start to spend more alone time together, you don’t date anyone else, you share awkward yet almost tender moments, etc. Your relationship status is later solidified with a; long awaited, kiss and a kiss alone.

- Ron is very much so a spontaneous “I’m just gonna kiss her and deal with the consequences later” type of person. He’s bad at expressing his feelings with words so he’ll do it with his actions, and he’ll do it quickly before he has the chance to stop himself; usually after a surge of emotions.

- So, in typical Ron fashion, he heard some guy mention how he was thinking about asking you out, and realized that you never did establish that the two of you were an item. He immediately started to think about how much he’d hate to see you with another guy and how much he cared about you.

- Because of that, he was quite distracted when he finally saw you again. He fidgeted and seemed to be lost in his own thoughts as you walked together but just as you were thinking about saying something to him, he turned and laid one on you.

- Although you were a bit flustered and certainly very surprised, you kissed back and smiled at him as the two of you pulled away.

“I’ve been waiting to do that.” He admitted, his less confident personality returning as a blush creeped its way onto his cheeks.

- It’s in that moment that you’ve realized that you’ve fallen in love with a dork. A wonderful, beautiful dork.

- Though it tends to make him flustered, Ron is definitely a fan of pda. In the beginning of your relationship, he’s a bit defensive about it, like when his friends chuckle at you kissing his cheek or make faces at him while he’s got his arm wrapped around you, but he learns to ignore it and just brush them off.

- Handholding.

- Leaning your head on his shoulder. Perhaps it’s because it’s you initiating a type of affection or because it shows that you’re comfortable with him, but either way, he loves it.

- Hugs. That’s all this boy wants. Just wrap your arms around him and let him hold you close goddamnit!

- You giving him kisses on the cheek; or anywhere else? Unparalleled. Never stop.

- Abrupt, passionate kisses.

- Snogging. He’s certainly a bit clumsy at first but you don’t mind; you probably are too.

- He has a few select terms of endearment that he likes to use: darling, sweetheart, woman, my girlfriend. He doesn’t mind pet names but please stick to a simple “babe” or “honey” and not something like “won won” (shudders).

- Ron sleeps on his back most of the time so you’ll just usually lay your head on his chest while he wraps his arms around you. That being said, he isn’t particular about the position, and since he has a habit of snoring, you may want to try spooning.

- Do you know how long he’s waited to brush your hair behind your ear or wipe something off your face? That little action is so important to him and even he doesn’t really know why.

- Bridal carrying and piggyback rides. Ron’s a strong boy and he likes showing it off, and feeling you holding onto him.

- Getting your food stolen.

- Playing chess.

- Dates at Hogsmeade. Sometimes the two of you just wander around and get yourselves a little privacy from every bodies prying eyes; and third wheeling.

- Going to the three broomsticks. If Ginny is there, he will immediately ask to leave and you oftentimes find it too amusing to be annoyed.

- Obviously, Ron doesn’t have a ton of pocket money so the two of you don’t do anything too expensive. A lot of your dates consist of roaming around the castle and the grounds together, finding somewhere to sit and just enjoying each other’s company.

- Sitting in the courtyard together.

- Cheering Harry on at Quidditch together and later cheering him, Ginny and Harry on with Hermione.

- Exaggerated stories. He’s always trying to impress you and make himself or what he’s done seem cooler than it really is.

- You’re constantly making jabs at each other and lovingly laughing at the other person. How can you not tease him for being in love with Viktor Krum, it’s the only way you can make yourself feel better about his obsession.

- You can practically see the hearts in his eyes when you laugh. He loves seeing and hearing it so much.

- Compliments and flattery. Is it so you’ll do his homework? Is it genuine? The world may never know.

- Making sure he actually does his work and does it well. He would be lost without you.

- You and Hermione talking about your mutual struggles with the boys. Ron and Harry watch from afar, agreeing that your little gathering makes them nervous and wondering what you’re saying.

- He likes when you try to teach him things, it gives him an excuse to be close to and watch you.

- He’s always encouraging you and reassuring you that you’ll do great and that you can do it. He’s so sure of you that you almost feel sure of yourself.

- Although he tries to not let you know just how much he is, he’s very impressed and proud of you at just about any given moment. He’s never met someone as amazing as you.

- Sometimes he surprises you with just how much he listens. Oftentimes at random, he’ll mention something that you once said and surprise you with just how much he’s taken to remembering; sometimes purely because it came out of your mouth.

- He’s always a bit speechless when you give him a gift. Once he’s over the shock, he’ll give you a “bloody hell, thank you” and a kiss on the cheek.

- Ron’s taken on Voldemort and countless other dangers and yet you’ll still have to be the one to kill the spiders in your relationship.

- Showing him muggle stuff. Oh Godric, the amount of time his father spent asking you about the muggle world when you first visited....

- Spending summers at the burrow and writing to each other; even though he teasingly pretends that he won’t.

- Ron is the youngest Weasley boy and Molly’s a momma bear so expect to be sweetly scrutinized and then made into a part of the family.

- The twins and Ginny teasing the two of you; though they do tease him more when they’re alone with him.

- You should probably apologize to Harry I’m advance because this boy never shuts up about you to him.

- Lightly touching and checking on each other’s injuries. He’s very gentle with you when you’re hurt, he treats you like you’re made of glass.

- Ron has always sort of felt like he was second best to Harry and most of his brothers so he loves when you pay special attention to him. Listening to his stories, praising him, having eyes only for him, it all makes him feel so much better about himself.

- Trying to help him smooth things over with people; especially when it comes to Harry and Hermione. It’s awkward to not be able to talk to them because your boyfriend keeps you right by his side so you try to fix things as soon as possible.

- As we all know, Ron is an incredibly jealous person and when he gets jealous, he can get a bit nasty. He’ll most likely interrupt you and make you choose between him or the guy, wanting you to prove that he’s more important to you than them by going with him.

- Afterwards, he insults the person he’s jealous of, maybe accidentally somewhat insulting you in the process, and tries his best to make you think the other person is a git.

- Ron is constantly jumping to defend your honor and is always ready to fight someone to do it. He may act like an ass to you at times but he really does love you and your safety is his top priority. Nothing is going to mess with his girlfriend.

- The two of you have quite a few fights, all of them varying in intensity. Ron isn’t good at expressing his feelings so that’s usually what leads to fighting: him just not being able to communicate properly. Sometimes you have quick, hushed arguments, leaning in close to each others faces. Other times, you’ll be having loud and harsh ones filled with insinuations and insults you don’t mean.

- You usually give each other space, whether it’s out of respect or because you both refuse to speak to the other one first depends on the situation. He asks Harry how long he thinks you’ll stay mad at him and oftentimes asks the boy to talk to you for him, mainly to see if you’re still mad. His apologies are stilted but he does give them and knowing how he is, you usually accept them.

- There aren’t a ton of I love you’s in your relationship, given how awkward he is most of the time; particularly when you’re younger, but he will occasionally blurt it out without thinking.

“Bloody hell,” he’ll say in awe. “Godric I love you.”

- While times certainly get tough in the future, he’s been in love with you since he was eleven and there’s no sign of it stopping any time soon. You’ll stick by each others sides and when the dust settles, you’ll start to build that life he’s been fantasizing about.

#ron weasley imagine #ron weasley headcanon #ron weasley imagines #ron weasley headcanons #hp imagines #hp headcanons #hp imagine #hp headcanon #harry potter imagines #harry potter headcanons #Ron Weasley x reader

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dontcallmecarrie · 3 years

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Hey, I vicariously live in my imagination to escape from the reality.

So, I have been wondering about the Rogues reaction to Tony defeating thanos, the IronSmaug, taking over the world etc...

Have a go at it, if you are interested.

It's also fine if you dont.

thanks, I really, really needed the distraction. it's been. an interesting week. not in a good way.

tbh, the whole 'what does Team Cap think about this mess?' thing in TWiFFON is...something I had originally been torn about, and everything that's been happening ever since means I keep finding myself going "do I have the energy to tackle this? lol no".

For some context, because you probably know my stance on this sort of thing but I prefer redundancy just to make sure we're on the same page: once upon a time, I honestly, genuinely did like the Avengers. All of them, and yes, that included Wanda [...for less than an hour, but still].

Back when I still had faith in the writers, I was constantly going "...okay, so when are these guys going to stop acting so OOC? Where tf are they planning on taking these character arcs?" and just being disappointed at each turn— but I stuck around because I liked the potential. Steve "what do you mean punching fascists isn't cool anymore?" Rogers, Natasha "my past is a tire fire and I'll just leave it at that" Romanov, Clint "where's Loki? Let me at him!" Barton and the rest of the group had their good points, and I gave myself a headache trying to figure out wtf was their thought process when the time came for them to do their thing in TWiFFON.

It wasn't fun, I only did it because it was absolutely necessary... and I still ended up receiving complaints.

Look: for me, character bashing is exhausting. I have enough going down in my life that I don't have any interest in writing it, and over the past few years I've seen more than one of the fandoms I follow/lurk in become salt mines that have me going "...okay, if you hate it so much, why are you even here?"

When I write, I try my best to emphasize the 'actions have consequences' thing I learned long before I hit puberty; but that doesn't mean I'm up for anything beyond that. Again, I used to like these characters, so seeing the levels of suffering canon— and some writers— put them through just has me stepping back for a moment.

But TWiFFON attracted a lot of people who were pretty far out there in terms of what they wanted, some of whom got very very pissy when it wasn't the story I wanted to write, which is...probably like 99% of the reason I'm still burned out on that AU. Apart from the recent personal life bs that means I am Not Up To Dealing With any hypothetical rando that shows up in my inbox, because normally I could not care less about what people think but my energy levels are. Um. Not great atm. Not sure I wouldn't bite anyone's head off if they wanted to start something right now, tbh, or just ragequit writing for a while because I have way better things to do with my time than deal with random internet assholes.

...apologies for the tangent, but now you know why that situation is one I'm normally kinda reluctant on tackling.

As for what I'd originally headcanoned:

Back before things hit the fan, I'd originally planned to have some little interlude snippets of what Team Cap's been dealing with. Mostly, it would've forced them to acknowledge that for all none of them liked or trusted Tony, he was basically just the personification of what the rest of the world thought of them.

Nobody respects them, anymore, or trusts them; Clint'd be in very hot water and sleeping on the couch for a while, and Hank Pym would never let Scott hear the end of his involvement in this whole thing because Hank hates the Stark name and the English language cannot concisely articulate just how pissed off he was that he had to publicly thank Tony.

Team Cap overall would also start to fall apart at the seams as more and more stuff came out and ey, turns out the leader they'd trusted and broken international laws for had lied to them.

By omission, sure, but honestly— do you think that'd go down well? The "oh yeah, I've known my brainwashed friend killed his parents since DC but I am not going to tell him unless I'm forced to" thing?

I don't know about you, but I for one highly doubt Sam Wilson would be okay with that. Or Clint, for that matter, and the list goes on because the more time passes, the more stuff keeps coming out of the woodwork and for the first time in years, they're forced to deal with it.

One of the things I planned to include in the sidefic can basically be summed up as "the curious case of Bucky Barnes": that is to say, what'd happen after he's taken into custody, and poke lightly at the clusterfuck we're unpacking here. Tony, feeling bad for losing control in the bunker, would basically go "shit I fucked up but I also never want to see him again but he's an even bigger mess than I am, that's a whole lot to unpack so you know what? I'm just throwing out the suitcase entirely here, have all the resources for support and help and if I ever see you again, it'll be too soon".

...to sum up, it's messy af. SI Legal would feature heavily because his particular case means he needs a team of lawyers, what with the 'former POW who's trying to recover from All The Trauma' thing, and the 'so I literally was just trying to buy some damn groceries when you guys dragged me into this', and Tony basically went "hey, so if anyone wants to help him, uh, I kinda have some interest in this one. Fair warning, dude probably killed Kennedy while mind-controlled, with our luck".

And along the way, there'd also be some of that one subplot I'd cut due to pacing issues: specifically, the one dealing with prosthetics.

Remember how Miriam Sharpe said her son would never walk again? Yeah, we'd be revisiting that: her family'd get a letter or something inviting them for clinical trials, and meet Rhodey in passing as he's using his own leg braces to get around because he's still healing. Bucky would get a few design offers for a free replacement for his arm, and it'd probably end up being a collab with Wakanda because T'Challa feels bad for his role in that mess as well.

So Team Cap would be seeing this, seeing how everyone's acting and reacting, and the way one of their own is getting all the help and support Stark Industries has to offer and realizing that yeah, they messed up. Big time.

...depending on my salt levels and how close we're sticking to canon, I was thinking this'd go one of two ways.

Either they'd double down and just go "ugh, Tony is a supervillain and we can't do anything about it!" while TWiFFON marches on and then later go "...you mean he did it by accident?!", or...

Well, canon's proven character development and continuity isn't really in their writers' vocabulary. So my original idea of 'they're forced to deal with the reality of the situation, acknowledge they messed up and slowly move on with their lives' would've been very unrealistic.

Again, most of this is intentionally vague, I had not been keen to tackle that mess in TWiFFON in the first place and the way things exploded on me means I really, really don't have the energy to do so now. Not when there's far better things I could do with my time, like mess around with AUs where people actually get along, or knit, or— well, the list goes on.

#The War is Far From Over Now #From the Other Side [A Terror To Behold]#thinking aloud #I got an ask!#Naught replies #replies #behind the scenes

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