#either after a major event occuring/ending- or a long period of time learning
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I've been thinking a lot lately about how I've been doing better mentally these past few weeks and a lot of it boiled down to things people have been telling me my whole life. I mean, I had gone through traumatic events some years ago which caused depression. then I fell into a codependent friendship which has worsened my mental state. only now that I have backed out of that friendship and started to think more about myself and how I feel, did I figure out how to keep myself going well.
I found hobbies im interested in, I've been using music I adore to keep my spirits up, I've been getting outside more, getting more exercise, using my phone less, living more in the moment, diversifying my friendships, taking time for myself, etc etc etc
and seeing myself improving in these ways makes me feel optimistic, thinking, these are the things that helped me, they can help you too! it's easy to get excited about that.
but none of those things were the solution to my problem. those were parts of healing, ways to keep my rhythm, ways to give me energy when I feel like going back to what I typically do when I'm depressed.
but they weren't *the solution*. and that made me realize why only now I'm following all this advice that I had been given to me for years and years. why people get so cynical and annoyed when others try to motivate them into getting out of their depression. because staying inside, staying sedentary, overusing phones, avoiding socializing, etc- those things aren't the cause of issues, they're the *symptoms*. and when someone is in a terrible mental state they're not going to realize/notice/care about the things that they're using to cope with their lives.
I don't know what the solution is. everyone's lives are different. for me, it was getting out of a codependent friendship. I don't have the answers. but it's going to be something bigger than just 'getting out more'.
people have to see the future on their own. there are moments when people realize that they have to take their life into their own hands. nothing is easy, but things can get better.
long rant in the tags if you're interested. take care <3
#mental health#depression#it gets better#positivity#this all came from my brain if it doesnt apply to you/if you think its bullshit. then disregard:)#something to think about#these thoughts came from my mental well being the past few weeks + my school forcing everyone to go to a presenter#who talked about mental health and anti drugs and hope i guess#and is felt this separation between what he was saying;i understood the point he was trying to get across#and the atmosphere in the room/what my friends were saying; i understood that what he was saying was lost on most people and useless#because the thing that will help people going thru a hard time isnt an inspirational speech#even if every thing he said was factually correct- the people who really truly need that help are going to say its bullshit#and they may one day realize that he was right all along- but only after a personal shift in attitude#either after a major event occuring/ending- or a long period of time learning#and i hope that we find a way to better teach these concepts in a way that gets through to people#but ultimately no one piece of advice can or will fit everyone. and if there is no genuine connection to learning it; then it will be lost#its a difficult situation especially in the world we live in where depression is an epidemic#i can only hope to make things better in my own life for me. thats what all of us can hope for#take care#<3#long post
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I'm a cPTSD survivor.
Every single day, for a vast majority of my life, I've been trying to cope this situation; living with complex trauma that has been inflicted on me repeatedly since I was a child. Some days I am able to function relatively well. I can work, I can do grocery shopping, I can even be social for a period of time and smile, laugh and put on a mask, so that no one could ever tell what is going on beneath the surface.
Other days I can't even get out of bed, and I spend all day dwelling in the deepest cellar of my conscious, trying to make sense of all the horror I've been gone through and somehow survived over these past years.
Today is one of those latter days. I couldn't sleep last night because of overthinking and overanalyzing all the past events that I had absolutely no control over, and how I should or shouldn't have done something different in those situations. The overthinking lead to severe flashbacks to episodes that still cripple me to the brink of destruction, and when I finally managed to exhaust myself to sleep, I had vivid nightmares about the very same experiences that I had previously tried to make sense of.
The same old story, in other words.
I woke up in excruciating agony, sweaty and afraid. But most of all I felt alone. Because having cPTSD is very often a life of loneliness, where you're constantly at war. A war that is constantly raging inside your own head, against yourself. And there is no one else there to have your back, especially when the enemy is yourself, your subconscious who is desperately trying to survive, long after the traumatic events occured.
It's not like I don't have support from friends or family either, because I certainly do, and a lot of people are quick to rush to tell me that I can talk to them when I feel like the world is crumbling around me. And I love them for it, and truly appreciate it with all my heart. But how do I even begin to explain how I feel, without dragging them down into a deep abyss of misery that is my mind.
This is not something that is easy to talk about, even to your closest and most trusted friends, and for several reasons. One being "how could they ever relate or even make sense of what I'm telling them?". How does one even begin to explain that you're fighting a never-ending battle against what essentially is yourself. A version of yourself that only exists in your head, and is trying to survive because in your own mind, you're still in danger and you need to be constantly on alert of possible worst case scenarios. Another reason is "How can I possibly burden someone I love and care about with these extremely destructive thoughts and expect them to not be so emotionally affected that it might actually ruin their lives?".
When you have cPTSD your mind constantly tells you that you're at risk of something bad happening. That's your default state of mind. Because you've been repeatedly exposed to so countless traumatic events that you never let your guard down, and letting someone in feels like either a breach in your defences or it make you feel like you are responsible for yet another persons safety or well-being, when you already struggle to take care of yourself to begin with.
I still have a long way to go with my healing process. I've only just taken the first steps on a very long road, and it's full of obstacles, uphill climbing and bottomless pits. And even if I manage to find healthy and productive coping mechanisms, I will never be truly free of these demons. I will only learn how to live with them and find better ways to fend them off on my bad days.
cPTSD and PTSD isn't something you recover from. It's not a sickness that can be eradicated. It is a deep wound, which at best can become a fading, but visible scar. Something you have to carry with you.
But just like visible scars, you can learn to carry it. And without being ashamed of what it reminds of.
And we need to talk about it, because there are thousands upon thousands out there who suffer from PTSD and who don't even know what's "wrong" with them. People whose lives are getting ruined because they don't have the proper tools they need to ride out the storm. People who hurt themselves daily, either physically or mentally, out of shame or in confusion, with self-medication or with razorblades, and thus hurting people close to them in the process. In the worst cases, lives are lost. And it happens more than you'd like to know.
They need to be seen. They need to be heard. They need to be found and they need to be cared for.
You probably know someone with cPTSD or PTSD.
#ptsdsupport#ptsd#cptsdsurvivor#cptsd#ptsdsurvivor#mental health#mental health struggles#mentalheathawareness
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Moving on from Routine, let’s look at Emotional Self-Care. This is Self-Care that you use to improve your emotional stability. This is what Emotional Self-Care can take the form of (though I do not use all of these; I will talk more about the ones I use):
Comfort Food
Taking a “mental health day”
Napping and/or Sleeping In
Binge-Watching Comfort Shows/Reading a Comfort Book/Listening to a Comfort Podcast/Comfort Music/Comfort Video Games/Etc.
Long Baths
Venting
Reflecting on the Good
Meditation
Taking a Walk Outside or Hitting a Treadmill
Turning away from Social Media
Lighting a scented candle
Giving Gifts
Crying/Screaming/Emotional Outburst
Breaking Breakables
Playing with and/or Petting a Pet or Animal
Telling Other People You Don’t Want To Interact With Them (Right Now)/Boundary Setting
Taking care of Plants
Journaling
Cleaning
Treating Yourself (non-food)
Every time I googled “emotional self-care”, I got some things like “set boundaries”, “learn to say no”, and “create a support system” – all of which are very good things, but they don’t really fit the quick regulation criteria that I’m going for here.
So, which of these do I personally use? Comfort Food, Mental Health Days, Sleeping In, Comfort Media, Venting, Reflecting on the Good, Meditation, Hitting a Treadmill, Scented Candle, Giving Gifts, Crying, Animals, Boundary Setting, Cleaning, and Treating Myself.
I’d take care of plants but right now I don’t have a good space for plants.
I’ll look at comfort food last, because I have a list of food.
Mental Health Days, I usually try to schedule ahead of time, around days or times I know are going to be hectic. I know that after a convention, for example, I need “cooldown days”, so usually I will take the following Monday-Wednesday off from work to cooldown from the convention.
If I don’t know ahead of time, I do feel comfortable enough to call in sick, but I vastly prefer being able to plan it, simply because of who I am as a person. It is sometimes a necessity. Sometimes there is just too much going on, and I need to step away from everything. Usually on these days, I will sleep in, or sleep for most of the day, with the promise to go back to normal tomorrow – and that is how it should be.
These are tricks to put you back in line in caring for yourself! To get you back to normal!
Now, most weekends I do sleep in a little. I wake up every day at 6am, so on weekends, I will absolutely let myself sleep in to like, 9-11. It’s a good thing I have this blog on a schedule.
Binge-Consuming Comfort Media: I do not consider this the same as observing New Media, because often for me that is a Personal Self Care, and not necessarily Emotional Self Care. It can be, but more often than not, it gets my thinking fired up and engages me in a wholly different fashion. For example, I consider playing Final Fantasy XII to be a “comfort game”, but I will not consider playing Elden Ring for the first time to be “comfort”, so much as Personal, because the former I have already done, while the latter is something new and is creating new experiences for me. One regulates my emotions, the other does not do so in a foreseeable fashion. In new games, I do not know the experiences I will have, whereas with old games, I can predict them.
I will usually use Binge-Consuming Media in downtime that I have nothing else to fill, but do not have the energy to try something new right then (usually with the promise that I will return to new things in the near future, usually the following day when this happens on a weekend, or the next weekend if this happens on Sunday). Binge-Consuming Media also tends to occur normally on Weekday Evenings, as I tend to lack any desire for new media after work. It thus helps me to stay in a calm mood throughout the night, and prepares me for the next day of work by maintaining mood, rather than changing it.
Venting has to be done with care; I have friends I can vent to, but the vast majority of them only end up aggravating me more when I vent to them. Venting is something I tend to reserve for after I’ve figured out what I’m going to do, and I just need someone else to know my pain, because very rarely are people actually able to give me decent advice. Yet, venting is still useful because it lets me finally express it, and lets other people into my life, which is healing, and allows me to move forward without feeling like I’m keeping a secret.
Akin to that, reflecting on the good is a bit more of a solitary action, but it’s useful to remember that a “bad day” isn’t a bad life. To think of the people who love me, to think of the good things that did happen, even amidst the bad, and to remember there are more good things to come. After a particularly bad day at work, remembering good things, good phone calls with customers, and just good people, is always helpful, and can prepare me to continue through the rest of the day.
Meditation is something I try to do every day, and I do feel that it helps me focus on the moment, as well as helps me work through my thoughts when I’m not meditating.
Back when gyms were safe, hitting the treadmill was great for days I just couldn’t fucking convince myself to do my weight training. It still got me in the gym, it still got me exercising, and it helped me beat out the anger while listening to a podcast or music. I felt like I could breathe. I miss this, a lot, and I look forward to being able to return to this, or getting the “Just Dance” games for my home so I can do a similar thing, without going to the gym. I was then usually able to resume weight lifting the next day – and it kept me from breaking my streak of going to the gym, back in the day.
Aromatherapy is just a thing. I enjoy it, it helps me, and I love candles, haha.
Giving Gifts is also something I like to do. Making other people happy, makes me happy, and this is often a surefire way to do that. It can be as simple as a bit of chocolate, it doesn’t have to be anything extravagant. Of course, I have to make sure I am financial stable enough to do that.
Crying – when I need to. Sometimes I will have to kind of force it, by putting on a movie I know will make me cry, because just bursting into tears from stress without additional stimuli can be hard, but once it’s done, it is so relieving, and it allows my brain to start to function again without feeling as much in a daze.
It’s true I do have pets, and they’re kind of around me everyday, so this is more of a routine one – the animals are a constant source of comfort, but if you don’t have pets, visiting a pet store may be beneficial to give their animals a bit of affection, or going to an animal shelter. Or perhaps watching cute animal videos if those aren’t options.
Boundary Setting is also important. While sometimes, it can be good to help others when you’re going through a thing – I find it helpful sometimes – at other times it is just too much. Being clear on that, and also giving your friend some idea of when to “check in”, is good. It also lets your friend know a bit of a time period, so they know it isn’t a permanent block on conversing. Being open and clear about your situation can only do you good when it comes to your friends – and checking in with them when you’re ready!
Cleaning is oddly enough something I do when I’m preparing for something that is Good. I feel like I must cleanse the area in preparation of the New Good Thing. I will do this when I buy a new gaming console, or a long-awaited game, for instance. It makes things feel fresh and rejuvenated. It lets me walk into the New Thing as if it is a New Thing, and it starts it off on good footing. Some of the anxiety and anticipation of it, is quelled.
Treating Myself, when it’s non-food items, is usually things like clothing for me, or new PJs lately. I will also invest in books I plan to read, one day, eventually, cute Star Wars things, shows and/or movies to watch that are new, or things that generally speaking bring joy into my life. Sometimes emotional regulation, is also about reward. If you’re doing good in your life, you absolutely SHOULD be rewarded for it! Otherwise, why bother with balance and moderation? Why not live a hedonistic lifestyle? That would be far more pleasant if balance and moderation don’t have rewards. Not all emotional regulation is just to stop being sad, it’s also to be vindicated and celebrate good events. Celebrating IS regulating, when it calls for it, obviously. So I’m not encouraging here spending your money on whims because you are sad, but spending it more when you’re happy, and doing good.
And then we get to Comfort Foods. What do I use for comfort foods?
Chipotle Gouda Pasta Salad
Lime-Chipotle Pasta Salad
“Chicken” Fried Steak (Scare quotes because I’m a vegetarian so it’s fake meat)
“Tuna” Salad
Cheesecake, particularly raspberry white chocolate, or turtle.
Ice cream, particularly from Cold Stone, but usually either Rocky Road or Raspberry with Chocolate Chunks. There’s also Love Potion #9 which I have to drive a significant distance for….
Extra Lattes (note the extra – I already have these planned in with my meal plans).
Hot Chocoalte
Potatoes O’Brien and Gravy
The idea behind Comfort Food: Eating tasty food often restores a mood, or at least puts us in a better mindset. They aren’t always the healthiest things, though they aren’t necessarily unhealthy. They have to be done in moderation, as you see I indicate with lattes it’s “extra” lattes that go on the comfort food side. I usually have two decaf lattes a week, one on Wednesday, and one on Friday.
Comfort Foods are for a “limited time”. An extra latte means I don’t get one the following day, or I don’t get one every single day of the week. I take the comfort it offers when it’s needed, and resume my usual drinking habits.
Things like Pasta Salad are for weeks when I need a bit of help, or when I’ve done good, because they’re multiple serving things. So like, my birthday week, eating a pasta is good. Or a week where everything went to hell, and I can’t focus on making something “new” and I just need to eat – but then it’s right back to normality after that week. This is not have pasta for an entire month, this is a way to set intentions, and work on orienting myself back to normal with food I love, and food I can make with my eyes closed.
Single-serving things, like cheesecake or hot chocolate, are usually Reward self-care. Like fuck yeah, I did great, I should give myself a little treat. It encourages my good behavior, and does not become an indulgence. It also ends up “planned”, and so the rest of the meals work around that indulgence so I don’t go overboard with it, either.
Knowing what foods, and what I use them for, helps me to use them when they will be most beneficial for me. Things like “extra lattes” also makes me think: Do I really want to do this now, or wait until the day I’m going to have it? Is there a reason I need it now? What will I do after I have it? How does this impact everything else in the balance?
So these are kind of the “quick trick” emotional self-care tools I use. Obviously, you should try to have a steady way of regulating your emotions, but shit happens. Cars break down, work days suck, friends are angry, people die…we need to have tools to get “back to normal”, or close enough to normal.
And you should also, absolutely, take time to treat yourself in self-care! If you don’t reward yourself, what’s the point in being “balanced”, and not just living a hedonistic lifestyle? That’s why comfort food as rewards is a thing! It’s why you can use these as rewards, if it helps, for doing good!
These are just what I do, and what I suggest. These are ideas to get you thinking about what you could put on a list, and how that could help you. If these same ideas work for you, great! If not, you just have to feel out yourself to determine what will help you! Brainstorm with your loved ones!
#self care#self-care#emotional self care#emotional self-care#self-care list#death anxiety help#death anxiety#existentialism help#existentialism#self-care ideas#self care ideas#self care list#emotional regulation#emotions
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Updated Writeblr Intro
Hello! I’m Tiff! I’m 33 (she/her; aro/ace) and I’m a hobbyist writer and artist! I work full time and lately I’ve been trying to get my mental health under control so I’ve had periods of inactivity and I’m trying to get back out there with interacting and keeping up with posting regularly. I have dreams of publishing my works one day; that is if I can make up my mind on ideas and get writing lol
I write fiction with hints of fantasy and sci-fi; typically the stranger the premise, the more I’m invested. I’m inspired by works such as Disney’s Gargoyles, Studio Ghibli, Unico in the Island of Magic, and Final Fantasy 7, to name a few.
I have three major works; all of which are in the pre-writing/rough draft phase (which is a fancy way of me saying writing is hawrd)
Princess Dagney and the Seahorse King is a road trip/sins of the father themed story. Two hundred years after Shapeshifters ruled earth in the far future, humanity has found their footing again. Dagney is the daughter of the only Shapeshifter with a royal title, King Dargon. When her little brother becomes deathly ill, a chain reaction of events leads Dagney to the home of an enemy to protect her father, only to find two unlikely allies in the king’s twin sons in exchange for a favor. Dagney and her father agree to assist Crown Prince Colme and his brother Olerqus on a journey that will bring Dargon back to his harrowed past, and Dagney will learn the truth of what her father and her ancestors, both human and Shapeshifter, have endured. Risky choices are made, family relationships are put to the test, and bonds formed out of hardship will create strong alliances while old grudges are dissected and put aside in order for the future to thrive.
PDatSK celebrates it’s 5th anniversary this August!
You can find PDatSK posts HERE
Across the Years and Universe (Formerly Bequest) Is the story of aging actor Tad Irving and his family. Tad has always been different; whether from his unique, inhuman strength, or his mesmerizing ocean eyes, which helped his rise to fame as a young man. Now at the age of 59, he’s found odd things occurring. Voices whispering his name, and the sound of footsteps that only he can hear. The last straw is a trip to the beach when a freak tidal wave nearly kills his wife, Eileen. Tad fears for his family’s life, and thus he takes a journey back to his hometown to see if he can make heads or tails of his situation. As it turns out, there’s more to his childhood, and long before, that he has to learn. He meets a strange spirit by the name of Gnonan, who knows Tad by a different name: Viggduranth. The two travel to a secret, sacred place, hidden by mists in the ocean, to their home of Soror, where Spirits now live in peace away from humans. Tad learns his future with his family may be coming to an earlier end than he wanted, and he must find a way to prevent it from happening; even fighting Viggduranth’s presence within him.
I’ve been working on this story since 2011, and is my longest, most changed piece, and it continues to find it’s footing as I’ve grown with it. You can find it under the Bequest tag, as I’ve only just recently changed the name, and I’m still not 100% on the one I’ve chosen. You can find posts HERE
Hark is my most recent idea, and, like the others, is still very much under construction. First idealized as a space opera with symbolism taken from the biblical story of the birth of Christ, Hark is about Corbin Gabriel Ghallager, a man from Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, on a now desolate earth in 2098. Earth is covered in domes to try and keep what’s left of civilization comfortable. Most of the population has moved to the space colonies on Mars. Corbin, who is a laser technician for the Mars Space Fleet, and suffers from Chron’s disease (which has forced him to live with an ostomy), chooses to live on Earth, but he rarely gets to see his dearest friend, Teagan, who is a celebrated doctor on Mars. During scheduled downtime on Earth, Corbin, who is determined to find ways to either tap into old water supplies on Earth, or find a new sustainable planet, is out in the wastes when something catches his eye - a falling star? He goes to investigate, only to find an alien in a crashed pod clutching an egg. In helping her, Corbin realizes Mars Forces are nearby, and he gives her shelter. He learns where she’s from, and that the Mars Colony has been using her and her now deceased mate to tell them the location of their home, so it can be colonized by humans. Corbin, heartbroken, agrees to take her back with the help of his crew and Teagan; even if it means risking their lives in the process.
Hark was first created sometime in late 2018
You can find Hark’s posts HERE
I have another work that’s been on backburner for a long time: CoffeeBoy; the story of a disgraced CEO who must be the errand runner for his competitor’s viper of a daughter, only to be confronted with a secret offer of partnership from her to take down her corrupt father. This was first thought of back in 2014 and hasn’t seen much work since, unfortunately.
My current focus is PDatSK; as it’s the one that’s felt a little easier to work on, even though most of my works have changed so, so much, and change takes time with me between work and periods of dormancy. I had hoped to make PDatSK into a comic, and I would still like to, but that may not happen for another few years; at least until 1. I have the story down and 2. I want to get a PC setup to download some programs (like blender) that might help with things like backgrounds, because work leaves me drained.
But besides that, thank you for reading and have a lovely day (or night)!!
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Q’hu’mhum’gah Culture Masterpost
so. it’s here. compiled below the cut is a combination of canon “tusken / sand people” lore and headcanons of my own creation; this is mainly for my use to easily reference but also to share with others my headcanons about the people of tatooine.
History
The Kumumgah were a technologically advanced species that lived on Tatooine.
Q'hu'mhum'gah, less formally referred to as Sand People or simply as Tuskens, were a culture of nomadic people indigenous to Tatooine. The term “Sand People” was given to them due to their existence in the desert, and was in use from at least around 4000 BBY; but the more formal name of “Tusken” was acquired much later, due to a period of concerted attacks on the settlement at Fort Tusken in 98-95 BBY. The name Q’hu’mhum’gah is an evolution, much like the people themselves, of the Kumumgah, the species from which they originated.
The Kumumgah achieved space travel among the worlds of the Outer Rim and beyond, attracting the attention of the Rakatan Infinite Empire, who conquered, enslaved, and annexed Tatooine in 25,793 BBY.
Some time before 25,200 BBY, the Kumumgah rose up against their enslavers, but were punished by orbital bombardment and left for dead.
The bombardment slagged the surface of Tatooine into little more than fused glass, which eventually crumbled into desert sand.
However, the Kumumgah had anticipated such an act, and survived by taking refuge in caves across the planet.
Over time, the Kumumgah evolved into two separate species: Jawas and Q’hu’mhum’gah.
The Q’hu’mhum’gah spent the next thousands of years as a nomadic society, attempting to come to terms with their new identity in a period they called the long walk.
After Tatooine was rediscovered by the Galactic Republic around 5000 BBY, early Human settlers were believed to have disrupted the water-supply of a settled cave-dwelling society known as Q’hu’mhum’gah culture, precipitating the transformation of the natives into what colonists called Sand People. To survive, they were forced to steal and adapt the technology of the colonists, forging the distinctive desert survival gear by which they would subsequently become so well-known. By around 4000 BBY, they were also engaged in endemic low-level warfare with the colonizers; the raids they led were among the factors that forced Czerka Corporation to abandon their attempts to operate Tatooine as a mining world.
Tatooine was largely forgotten by the wider galaxy for the next few thousand years, and the planet had to be formally rediscovered in 1100 BBY.
By the sixth century BBY, however, a mining colony had been reestablished, and the key moment in the history of the Q'hu'mhum'gah people and their relations with the outlanders occurred around 550 BBY.
Alkhara, an offworlder and rogue, was an operative of the colony's Bureau of Ethnicity and Socialization, studying the Q'hu'mhum'gah people, and falsely gaining their trust. Eventually, however, he turned against the colonists and occupied the desert fortress that was used in earlier centuries by the B'omarr Order, and in later centuries by Jabba Desilijic Tiure's criminal empire.
Alkhara later allied himself with a group of Q'hu'mhum'gah people whose bivouacs lay on the Great Mesra Plateau to wipe out a police garrison, then afterwards turned on his Q’hu’mhum’gah accomplices, and destroyed their camp. It is claimed that this was the source of a subsequent blood feud between the natives and the outlanders.
Permanent settlement by offworlders—or outlanders— resumed in 100 BBY, with the arrival of the settler ship Dowager Queen from Bestine IV. A new planetary capital called Bestine was founded, and a second settlement called Fort Tusken was established at the northern tip of the Jundland range.
At first, the new colonists seem to have been unaware of the Q'hu'mhum'gah people, but a series of attacks between 98 and 95 BBY forced the abandonment of Fort Tusken, and from that point on, the Human settlers of Tatooine referred to the natives as “Tusken Raiders."
Biology and Appearance
Q'hu'mhum'gah people were known to adopt settler orphans after raids on Human settlements and convoys, in a similar fashion to Mandalorians. There is no indication that Humans were present in any great number among the Q'hu'mhum'gah.
The lack of detailed knowledge about Q'hu'mhum'gah can be accounted for in part by the hostility of the Tatooine climate, and in part by the privacy of the Q'hu'mhum'gah themselves.
Q'hu'mhum'gah and Jawas shared common ancestry in the Kumumgah, who were taken off-world by the Infinite Empire to work as slaves by the Rakatans in the construction of the Star Forge.
Society and Culture
Q'hu'mhum'gah culture was defined by the climatic extremes of Tatooine: barren wastes stretching for days' journey on end, scoured by harsh, arid winds and searing heat by day; icy, deadly stillness after dark.
Practical survival was the first priority in terrain like this, and to protect themselves, the Q'hu'mhum'gah people learned early in their existence to cover themselves from head to foot in desert-colored rags and robes, leaving no bare skin exposed to the elements.
Their mode of dress was a direct expression of their way of life. The Q'hu'mhum'gah people never take off their robes except in the most private of moments. Even in death, they do not remove their robes.
The Q'hu'mhum'gah were divided into small tribes or clans, and roamed widely across the desert surface of Tatooine, but the focus of their habitation patterns seems to have been the Jundland Wastes, the one major area of rocky upland that rose clear of the shifting sands: in particular, the traditional sandstorm-season encampments of many clans were concentrated in an area known as The Needles.
Occasionally different clans would go to war over territory.
Sometimes tribes would form raids against offworlder colonizers through both the Jundland Wastes and the Dune Sea. Traveling on trained banthas, raiding parties would swiftly appear from the desert, riding in single file to conceal their numbers, and then disappear back into the cover of the dunes.
Due to a lack of understanding on the part of the galactic populace at large, many offworlders and outlanders regard Q’hu’mhum’gah people poorly.
Although Q'hu'mhum'gah garb varied from tribe to tribe, certain aspects of dress remained constant. The eyes of Q'hu'mhum'gah people were covered with goggles or visors which shielded them from the harsh sunlight. Covering their mouths, Q'hu'mhum'gah had a filter to help facilitate breathing in the desert. A constantly open mouthpiece covered the area between the nose and jaw, while a moisture trap worn around the neck humidified the air taken into the lungs. They might also wear elaborate jeweled masks with eye-slits, and torso-covering sand-shrouds.
Q'hu'mhum'gah people were also recognizable by their fierce gaderffii weapons. The gaderffii was incredibly integral to their culture. Every Q'hu'mhum'gah warrior created their own gaderffii stick, making each one unique. While rejecting most examples of modern technology, long-barreled Q'hu'mhum'gah Cycler rifles and stoves made of scavenged or stolen metal were not uncommon.
Although some Q’hu’mhum’gah people may wear what was once more traditionally masculine or feminine per their birth gender, modern Q’hu’mhum’gah people celebrate the freedom of choice amongst tribe members, encouraging them to choose whichever clothing they prefer so long as they still do not remove their clothing unless in extremely private settings.
Q’hu’mhum’gah often incorporated womp rat tusks into their attire. Although it varies from tribe to tribe, in many, everyone shares in the same roles; men can maintain encampments while women go out to hunt or scout. To each tribe did members serve the needed purpose.
Q'hu'mhum'gah children ( called Uli-ah ) wore unisex masks; gender-specific coverings were not allowed until they became adults.
Q'hu'mhum'gah were forbidden to take off their protective clothing in front of others, except in a few very specific circumstances: during childbirth, on their wedding night and during coming-of-age rituals ( two events which were often one and the same ), and as adults, only in the privacy of their tents with their blood-bound mates. Breaking this rule could mean either banishment or death, depending on the specific tribe’s rules.
It is due to this rule that hid the fact that not all Q’hu’mhum’gah were evolved from the Kumumgah of old: a small percentage of Q’hu’mhum’ga were Human, orphans or foundlings adopted into the tribes.
Social Organization
Q'hu'mhum'gah people organized into clans and tribes, the former being kin groups of between 20 to 30 beings, and the latter being larger affinities with no strict bounds.
In many tribes, adults of all genders assumed whatever roles were required by them in order to best suit the tribe’s needs; anyone could be a hunter and protector, and anyone could care for the camps and the children.
Often accompanied by guard massiffs
After completing the rites of adulthood at the age of eighteen, the uli-ah were granted full status within the tribe and often ( but not always, ) paired for marriage in a ceremony involving blood exchanges between the two members and their banthas.
The bantha was another vital element of Q'hu'mhum'gah culture: a large, shaggy-coated quadruped capable of surviving for long stretches in the harsh terrain of the deserts; some banthas roamed wild, but the Q'hu'mhum'gah people had learned to domesticate them. Every Q'hu'mhum'gah had their own mount from childhood, and they rode bantha-back for journeys of any length: small scouting parties of two or three mounts, or entire clan communities on seasonal migrations, they traveled through the dunes and rock formations on the shoulders of their mounts, in single file.
Q'hu'mhum'gah subsisted primarily on hubba gourds, but could become intoxicated on just a few sips of sugar water.
While leading a lifestyle that was primarily nomadic, when the hot season was at its height, semi-permanent camps would be constructed. Particular caves or hollows, spiritually connected to certain clans, were frequently visited, and were usually where the dead would be buried or special ceremonies would be held. Special water wells such as the one in Gafsa Canyon, sacred due to their rarity, were often fiercely protected.
In each tribe, a small number of individuals would be trained from birth to become Storytellers, orally learning the tales of their ancestry with perfect accuracy. This tradition was such a large part of Q'hu'mhum'gah culture that Storytellers were considered one of the most important members of a tribe. On the other hand, written communication was believed to lessen the value of Q'hu'mhum'gah history, and was often shunned by most tribes. There was only one accepted history across the many Q'hu'mhum'gah tribes, and if someone questioned or spoke even a single word of the histories incorrectly, it was considered highly disrespectful. Q'hu'mhum'gah history was passed down orally from generation to generation with almost no alterations in the material.
Mythology and Customs
The history of the Q'hu'mhum'gahs as passed down through Storytellers was considered a single, indivisible entity that took hours to recite.
Circa 4000 BBY, its contents related their entire known ancestry: their origins as the technology-loving Kumumgah, their enslavement by the Rakata whom they called "the Builders," which catalyzed the realization of the importance of a connection with the land, their revolt against the Builders and the subsequent desertification of Tatooine, a long account of tribal wars and their evolution into a desert people, and finally the colonization of their planet by the Galactic Republic.
Traditional Q'hu'mhum'gah history holds that, following the bombardment and desertification of their planet, their holy warriors drove off the Rakata oppressors through a heroic struggle.
The Q'hu'mhum'gah believe themselves to be a part of the land and regard anything that might separate them from it as a form of sacrilege. This leads them to accept only in garments that have been sanctified and only ride banthas that they believe retain a connection to the land. Any form of technology or clothing used by offworlders is believed to separate them from the land and is considered unholy. This leads them to often reject foreign technology, although they will trade metal and scrap they find with jawas.
They believe that Tatooine's two suns were beings called the Sky Brothers, with the elder having attempted to kill the younger. His failure caused him to start a lifetime of running, with his younger brother chasing him to kill him for his treachery.
Rituals
Many rituals held Q'hu'mhum'gah people society together. The most prestigious test of an adult was to hunt and slay a krayt dragon, and retrieve a pearl from its stomach. Oftentimes, members of the tribe would create spirit masks out of natural materials for use in the ensuing ritual and celebration.
The Q'hu'mhum'gah had superstitions about various landmarks on Tatooine. For example, the Q'hu'mhum'gah avoided Mushroom Mesa at all costs and always fired their blasters before passing through the B'Thazoshe Bridge.
The Q'hu'mhum'gah people and banthas shared a close, almost mystical bond. During initiation rites, a young Q'hu'mhum'gah was given a bantha and learned to care for it, with the pair becoming extremely close as the youth earned a place in its clan. When Q'hu'mhum'gah people married, their banthas also mated, and, should its rider die, their bantha usually perished shortly after. If a bantha died before its rider, its remains were placed in a large graveyard, which was treated with great respect by Q'hu'mhum'gah and other banthas. If a bantha died in the desert, the rider was often left behind to wander the desert alone. They held that if the fallen bantha's spirit wished for the rider to find a new mount, it would be so. If not, the rider would die amongst Tatooine's endless dunes. A Q'hu'mhum'gah who returned with a new mount would be held in great esteem by their tribe. The bond worked both ways, as accounts have been told of riderless banthas returning to tribes, to perhaps bond with another rider. The rest of the tribe considered the unbonded individual to be pitiable, but did not scorn them.
Language
The Q'hu'mhum'gah people spoke a guttural language known as Q'hu'mhum'gah. Many individual names were long and marked by numerous glottal stops, such as Grk'Urr'Akk, Grk'kkrs'arr, Orr Agg R'orr, Orrh Or'Ur and Orr'UrRuuR'R. However, shorter names were also recorded in some clans, and some Q'hu'mhum'gah bore patronymic / matronymic names formed from a parent's given name and a prefix: A' meaning "son of", K' meaning "daughter of”, and Q’ meaning “child of”.
As a rule, Q'hu'mhum'gah also possessed knowledge of Huttese and Jawaese, as they came into contact with these languages quite frequently.
Q’hu’mhum’gah people use a form of sign language shortened to QSL; this has been improperly noted by Human colonists as being called TSL for Tusken Sign Language.
The Q'hu'mhum'gah people did use a form of logographic writing system, but it apparently fell into disuse with the decline of their civilization. The complex writing had degraded into mere crude symbols. With no written language, the Q'hu'mhum'gah people thus relied on oral history to pass down the legends and stories of their people. As such, storytellers were held in the highest regard and charged with the responsibility of memorizing by rote the story of every clan member and piece of clan history. For apprentice storytellers, the pressure to memorize the stories precisely was intense. If an apprentice storyteller successfully recited a story perfectly, they became the clan's storyteller.
During the Clone Wars, a Q'hu'mhum'gah language pack was sold as an enhancement for protocol droids, which enabled them to acquire the Q'hu'mhum'gah language.
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Seirios
Read on Ao3!
Check out the wonderful artwork by @jajathelivingmeme !! She’s a delight and a talented friend 💜
Word Count: 22,331
Characters: Roman, Virgil, Deceit, Remus, Logan, Patton, Emile, Remy, Thomas
Pairing(s): Prinxiety, Loceit, Remile
Warning(s): minor character death and death mentions, implied bad parenting (minor), slight violence, not physical, unrequited romance, kissing, crying, panic attack, ptsd, blood, face and eye injury, scar mention, knives mention, hospital mention, very slight gore (just in an emotional description), insomnia mention, Passing out, apparent major characters death (tell me if I missed anything!)
Summary: It's hard for kids to fall asleep. It's especially hard for Remus when he can't help but stare at the night sky, mesmerized. That's why his guardian and uncle Janus decided to tell him a bed time story about two stars' lives and adventures along with the Sun and the Moon. Janus surely didn't expect for the storytelling to lead them to meet the local astronomer, Logan, not to mention develop a stronger bond with him. The best bit? All of his stories were true. Meet Janus Hydra, a fallen shooting star become human, and come listen to the events he witnessed while in space.
A/N: This is my entry for @ts-storytime ! A big thank you to @i-am-overly-complicated for the moral support and some suggestions, and to @crazydemigod666 for beta reading the fic, love ya bud. I worked super hard on this, I hope you all enjoy! Taglist will be added in a reblog.
✾
❝ It's you, it's you, it's all for you,
Everything I do.
I tell you all the time,
Heaven is a place on earth with you. ❞
He knew nothing of the sky.
He would look out of the window at night and glance up at the starry empyrean, wondering how it was possible that his mother had been part of those celestial entities.
And maybe, now that she was gone, he hoped she was part of them again, the stardust she had left behind now scattered across the universe.
« Remus? » his uncle Janus knocked on the door to his room and peeked inside. « Ready to settle down for the night? »
The kid sighed and stepped away from the window he was resting his arms and head on; sleeping was the part of the day he hated the most, there were so many things awaiting him, ideas in his head he wanted to get out in the real world, how could he simply lay dead doing absolutely nothing for eight hours straight?
Resting was too boring and Remus could think of more than a few things to do in its place.
Janus took a couple of steps in his nephew's direction and held out a hand to him like he was doing a grand gesture.
« Is the little duke in the mood for his sleeping duty? »
« Don't think so. » Remus shrugged and glanced at his bed with disinterest.
He pretended he didn't notice his uncle's small sigh and that expression that always seemed to show veiled compassion whenever the kid wouldn't comply.
Janus thought that Remus was a wonderful child, probably the strongest one he'd ever met, there was nothing he was not grateful for when it came to him: only a couple of years had passed from Angy's death, along with his father leaving him behind right after, and there wasn't a day in which he had let himself feel defeated.
After all, Janus had realized that he was the one to really need the other during that period.
Yet there was that one little detail Remus couldn't get himself behind, which was the need to lie your body down and prepare yourself for the following day. He could struggle all he wanted, but there was no way for either of them to find a solution.
Until Janus posed that fateful question in his mind: what would Angy do in this situation?
He raised his eyebrows as the best option surfaced.
Remus watched him tap his finger on his chin, looking around the room for a seat until he brought one in himself, placing it next to the bed the eight-year-old was now sitting on.
Anguis Hydra had been a shooting star in the sky and a writer on Earth when she fell along with her brother, and if there was something her brother knew best was that the finest solution to any problem she had found was storytelling.
Her readers had given her the nickname of “Angst Hydra”, for how much pain they felt thanks to her books.
Little did they know the stories were real: stories based off of other stars encounters they had had during their travels, her memory her sharpest tool.
« Did Angy ever tell you about the most luminous star you can see from the Earth's sky? »
Janus saw Remus's little eyebrows furrow, sign of a notion that was new to him. He brought his legs to his chest as he leaned on his pillow.
« It's actually a binary system, which is composed of two stars orbiting around each other. »
« Is it the … Sirius system? » Remus seemed to recall, his eyes narrowed in uncertainty.
Janus nodded. « Good job. So, all earthlings know about them is astronomical details, the usual research stuff, right? »
The kid made an agreement noise, curious to where that was gonna land.
« They call them Sirius A and B, but as you may expect there's a lot more into it. » he leaned in, his voice barely above a whisper. « Your mum and I had the occasion to meet them and witness their life events. » he could already notice the excitement growing in Remus's eyes. « So, want to listen to their fairytale? »
« Will there be chaos? »
« You have no idea. » both of them grinned as the kid settled in the only right way he knew: wrapping himself up in a blanket burrito and using his pillow as a seat.
« I'm ready! »
« Keep in mind that it's a long story, so we won't be able to cover all of it tonight, alright? »
Remus nodded despite defeated; Janus, on the other hand, knew that if he managed to get him hooked on the tale, he could have made his nephew look forward to bedtime and made things relatively easier.
A win-win situation.
The man turned off the room's lights only to switch on the bedside lamp with green LEDs.
« Alright little duke. » he moved in a comfortable position. « It's time for you to learn of the dance of the stars during the sunset, the moment the sun and the moon meet to leave each other's place to one another. »
Remus had never heard of such a thing, it was a simple tradition his mother and his uncle never took part of as their star selves happened to be constantly moving around with no time for grand events.
« But let's start from the beginning: let me introduce you to our beloved protagonists. »
✾✾✾✾
There were two notions stars were born with: the concept of the moon and the one of the sun.
They were aware there were multiple ones depending on which solar system they were close to, which planet they were taking into account.
But if there was a third piece of knowledge Virgil was certain of, it was that ever since he'd seen him from his little spot, he had been in love with the sun.
Such a titanic star shielding his own much smaller one.
When he was little, he'd look up at the sun and find a hero, a role model he had always been eager to follow: now, whenever he did that, he longed for contact and the revelation of his gorgeous self he wasn't yet able to meet from afar.
Casual passerby stars or nebulae narrated their encounters with the sun, encounters of which Virgil only grew jealous.
His admiration could only grow as much as he couldn't even fathom the grandiosity of those meetings, as he still wondered what was the intensity with which the sun's eyes glowed, the warmth of his protection and his benevolence.
« You want me to tell you about Emile, little one? » Patton was one of those nebulae that had been already circulating for a while and were old enough to attend a very important event that a myriad of stars took part in.
He hadn't quite realized why Virgil was so eager to meet the sun, but hadn't questioned it once since he'd met him.
« Well there are quite a few tales I can tell you about him! »
And so he did and Virgil found himself hanging onto every single word that escaped the other's mouth.
The little star could do nothing but wait for more stories as he grew along the space around him, hoping that maybe one day his orbit would find him.
Everything was going to change once he'd reached stability and joined the
Sunset's Ball.
✾✾✾✾
« The what? » Remus's sleepy eyes questioned Janus.
« One thing at a time, Rem. » the adult brushed some locks from Remus's forehead. « I'll get there later. But first, there's someone else you need to acknowledge. »
✾✾✾✾
Roman had always been aware of his star title: Sirius A. Thanks to that, he had also always known how he was part of a binary system.
Ever since then, he had been more than eager to meet the other star of his system, dreaming of one day finally finding a friend in them, like he had found in Patton, who would always bring news of Virgil.
He had learnt his name thanks to the nebula and mentioned it in his thoughts and conversations like he was a lifelong friend.
Roman's star was bigger and brighter than Sirius B, greatly shielding its vision.
He felt lonely during his growth and stabilization, anyone would have been intimidated by his star dimensions, therefore the visits paid to him were far less than the ones reserved for Virgil.
Yet he would spend his days trying to get someone's attention and, eventually, he'd stop to look down at the other star and wonder when their meeting would come.
Would it come at all?
Star dances were commonly known, but many happened during the day, so one wouldn't be sure of who they were going to end up with until their very first Ball.
That type of dance was the only one performed by stars, it occurred daily and it was a celebration of either sunset or sunrise, the moments in which the Sun and the Moon met and exchanged greetings, only to swap places with each other.
Only the most important stars could participate, once stability was reached and they were certain that they would've caused no harm to others: the floating palace in which they took place had been the same for millennia and not a single wrong move had been done to endanger it, it had now become a pillar in their history.
Reaching that place was kind of a rite of passage for the stars and proof of respectability for Roman since, compared to the Sun, he and some other stars were far bigger.
Yet, humans had praised the Moon and his partner as actual gods in various religions and cultures, along with other planets they had acknowledged.
So the bigger celestial objects resonated that their importance still varied and wasn't related to how they presented, but rather to who they were, thus they learnt to stand their ground.
And even so, Roman's true goal had always been a different one.
He was going to meet Virgil, one way or another.
✾✾✾✾
Remus's head hit his uncle's arm lightly, a tiny bump against Janus's sleeve; the man took a break from his storytelling after noticing that the boy's eyes were closed, having finally resigned to the heaviness of sleep, smiled to himself and tucked his nephew in bed.
He followed his nightly routine as well which consisted of watching tv until he passed out and woke up way too early for his schedule, only to go back to sleep in his room for a couple more hours.
If only that night had gone exactly like that.
Janus had touched his mattress at around the same indecent time he did normally and fallen asleep minutes after.
Flashes happened and now hands were on his face, twisted and disappeared, turning into a pair of green eyes that were looking fondly at another woman. They laughed and held hands and he had a knot in his stomach as he hugged him a little too tightly. And Janus was breathing, then not, then sobbing, then he knew her happiness came first because the world was so cruel to him. Then Janus smiled, then he didn't, he held his breath as she stopped altogether and then the green-eyed man left. And he?
He woke up.
Barely three hours had passed and he was already sitting up, hugging himself and resting his face on his knees, his expression contorted in a multitude of unpleasantries.
That was not possible.
He was over that, he was over him, there was no need for his subconscious to resurface the majority of his life's regrets so far.
There was definitely no need to remember, to say the least.
What he was gonna do now was going back to sleep and never think about that dream ever again.
Of course, he actually laid awake to stare at the ceiling blankly until his alarm went off, which he turned off automatically, solely moving his arm.
He had looked into the mirror once he had gotten to his bathroom and forced a smile on, but the usual sparkles stars emanated when happy didn't surround his skin.
When he had gotten Remus to school, the kid had pointed out how darker his eye-bags had become lately.
« Can I get matching ones? »
« No, lil duke, better not. » you're gonna end up like this eventually as an adult.
Janus was sick of the constant pitiful glances he got from his co-workers when he had a bad day, the whispers they passed between each other, the fake respectability they kept when he was in a low mood.
None of them personally knew Janus on a close level.
So, as he thought, none of them could have felt entitled to initiate a conversation on a low-key personal topic.
Yet, there a man was, sliding a card on his desk.
« He's a good therapist, I've heard. If you … you know, have any troubles or if your nephew- »
Not even a glance at the name and Janus's insides were revolting. « We don't need it. » a tight-lipped smile set on his face. « Thank you anyway. »
The man almost ran away at that, embarrassed and frantically looking back at his own work position.
Janus took the card in his hands.
Those same innocent and achingly beautiful green eyes stared back at him; Clyde Davis had been his brother in law for as long as Anguis had been alive, once on Earth.
He didn't mean for his memories to overcome him yet again, but here he was, almost blinded near the day of the death's anniversary.
His eyes fixated on the nothingness right above the floor as thoughts flew by his mind: Angy and him had just fallen on Earth, somehow adjusting to the humans' costumes in no time.
They had some slip-ups when it came to ethics and morality, that was why when it came to the realization of feelings the two brothers had different experiences.
Who would've thought humans were so idiotic to banish certain natural forms of love such as the ones not stereotypically between a man and a woman? (the issues on gender identity and sex were also introduced to them on that planet, as stars lacked the concept despite their anthropomorphic forms)
Who would've thought Janus had to find out from the news right after realizing he had gotten a crush for the same man his sister had fallen in love with?
Sure, it was easier to let her happiness come first that way, but it didn't mean his feelings were hurting any less.
If anything, he was constantly mixing joy and guilt, some sort of bittersweet ending that didn't sit right with his emotions, but it did with his conscience.
Wrong wasn't how he felt at Anguis and Clyde's wedding, but maybe more relieved as he was sure that way his love could've dissipated.
At least he hoped so, especially since he was going to live alone from then on.
He thought distance had worked, but then Remus happened and he visited more often than ever, especially since the boy resembles the two people he loved the most.
The circumstances didn't help him, but he had learnt to disguise how he felt better.
Janus thought nothing could've shattered that nice picture.
And then Anguis fell ill.
Some kind of immunodeficiency, a state that saw her body shut down as a star that slowly died and stopped lighting up the night sky.
He had seen her eyes turn black, he had known all along what it meant, but he did not want to accept it. Only deny it to himself as he was now living at her place, helping out when he could.
When the fatal day occurred, Janus, Clyde and Remus were standing by her as her skin got almost colder than the bed she was in.
It hadn't sparkled in too long.
She knew what was going on, she had intimated them to say goodbye as much as they didn't want to; she looked unfairly defeated.
As the time struck, her body stiffened and everything left of her was stardust that emanated its final glow.
Janus's memory had blocked out everything that came after, especially the funeral.
Of course, he couldn't have forgotten the day Clyde came to him, his eyes now dull and distant, He wanted to leave, start a new life and leave behind everything else because he could not bear to look at Remus or him and be reminded of Anguis.
Clyde asked him to take Remus's custody and for the first time Janus had wanted to punch his face rather than kiss him.
But he had instead accepted, not out of empathy, but because he had become so lost that he wasn't sure his reality was so truthful anymore.
Remus had been a blessing, saving him from negativity more than he could with himself. He was a wonder, that kid.
Janus had zoned out for so long that he came back to Earth only as he was sitting on an armchair at home, while his nephew played with some toys right behind him.
« Hey. Did you know you're a wonderful kid? »
« I thought that was obvious. Also, gross, I'd rather be called stinky! » he hadn't even looked up from his creation.
Janus snorted. « Of course. » he made to get up and make dinner.
Later in the evening, Remus had climbed onto the counter and stared at Janus, who was leaning against the furniture while drinking some warm tea.
« I'm going to the astronomy museum tomorrow! »
« I know. »
« Don't you think it's time for a story then? »
The man giggled. « Are you bribing me? »
« You've been brooding all day, uncle! » he jumped back down, and hugged his waist only to pull him out of the kitchen.
Janus did his best not to stumble. « Alright, alright, we need some time-out time. » he picked his nephew up and in a minute they were settled for their storytelling.
« So- »
« Did dad show up? »
He fell silent, baffled by the sudden question. He gave Remus a puzzled look.
« You always act absent when something related to him happens. » the kid explained.
Who gave an eight-year-old the right to be that smart?
Janus opened and closed his mouth several times. « Well- Not exactly. » he scratched the back of his neck. « They talked about him. I think I might have gotten … triggered? » he wasn't sure whether or not that was the right term to use. But he did feel numb for the majority of the day, despite the flashbacks.
« Well, fuck him. »
« Rem- »
« No, fuck that guy. » Remus raised his voice more, but Janus didn't find it in himself to stop him. « he just dropped his burdens on you and left like a coward! Fuck that bullshit! » his face was red with anger.
« I know. But dear, you're not a burden. »
« I don't even care if I am for him. »
« Let me finish. » Janus used the calmest tone possible to balance out the other's upset. « As much as you don't agree with what he's done, you have to remember everyone's got their own way to cope. »
He sighed, eyes fixed to the floor. « In his case, he could've probably been a bad parent for you and decided to trust you with me rather than himself. He knows I love you just as much, so he wanted you to be in a certainly safe environment. »
Remus wasn't still entirely convinced.
« The thing is, he feared not being able to raise you the way you deserve. You still have all the right to be angry at him, of course. But you need to know that you didn't do anything bad for this all to happen, okay? »
The kid bit the inside of his mouth. « Yeah, I know. You've told me plenty of times. »
« Repetita iuvant. And honestly you've been of help more than he would imagine, so … yeah fuck him. »
The duo snickered and gave each other a matching mischievous glance.
« But seriously, no swearing like a sailor until you're older, okay? At least not in front of other adults, you know how they get easily impressed. »
« Ugh, they never let me do anything fun. »
« Capitalism. »
« What? »
« Nothing, let's carry on with the story. Tonight, Virgil and Roman are going to finally meet. »
✾✾✾✾
Roman was ecstatic.
He had been accompanied by Patton and they had now made their entrance in the ballroom.
The space looked fancy and highly decorated, white, gold and blue themes coloured every object, glistening with a bit of purple here and there. It felt like being in the gods' lair, high columns sustained a roof for a space much bigger than its guests.
A pompous environment that suggested any trait related to space and stars.
Everyone was dressed up for the occasion, he felt like he was in the middle of one of those royal dances humans had to entertain themselves.
They all had a mask covering part of their face; it was a way of respecting the Sun and Moon as they had yet to arrive and would wear it as well until they took it off alongside everyone.
Clothes and masks were pretty much the same for everyone, changing based on the type of star you were, only the colours changed for everybody.
Roman was wearing crimson items; they often recalled the color of a star's eyes, like his case.
« Feeling nervous? » Patton was leading him toward their designated spot, he had previously offered his arm to Roman after showing off his sky-blue outfit.
« Kind of. Don't wanna mess up. But also what if they're not here? » Roman was already pulling at the hem of his sleeve.
« I'm sure they are. Normally binary systems are put together. I'll help you search! » Patton gave a warming smile that ushered the other not to worry too much.
« Should I go find a dance partner? » there was literally no etiquette to follow until the two main protagonists arrived.
The nebula noticed the initial discomfort in him. « That, or you can stay with me for now. »
Roman was about to reply in gratitude when he saw everyone move to the centre of the room, where he got by taking Patton's hand.
Alright, here we go.
The first part of the dance had the stars already dancing around the room while waiting; none told Roman there would have been partner changes.
He and Patton had just turned, their backs facing, when suddenly his hand touched another one and there he was spinning slowly with a stranger.
Roman had a pair of purple irises fixed in his own, on a stoic face they were decorating, his head slightly tilted.
« Hi. » he had tried, but he only saw the star's eyes look down, ignoring his greeting.
That made Roman feel defeated, little did he know the stranger's goal was another and that he couldn't lose time on uneventful conversation.
One of each star's hand was intertwined with the others'.
Should have Roman been stoic as well? Could they talk during the event? Was he being judged by the other guy?
Still, after seemingly searching into Roman for some sort of hint, the other star kept looking behind his shoulders, especially on the front door, which was decorated with complicated bass-relief motives.
Was he more interested into the room's details than meeting new people?
Roman glanced around for clues and his eyes met smiling and chatting couples, giving him the impression that he had been doing something wrong.
Until he met Patton's look again and he noticed the signals he was giving him.
“It's him”, his lips mouthed and it finally hit Roman when Patton motioned towards the other with his eyes.
Roman blinked in bewilderment and turned back to his partner only to see him let go of his hand, his back already facing him, without a single chance for him to speak some last words.
His focus shifted again when a different light glowed into the room, he heard the door starting to open and everyone was pushed at both opposite sides of the room.
A path was now created, like a little temporary corridor.
Finally, from either door, two figures started walking down the path, making it very clear on their identity: the Sun and Moon had made their entrance.
Gold and silver shining like they were the only things in existence, the two met halfway and joined hands, making the whole audience restart their own dance.
Roman's companion had changed and it was now a lady part of a system, her name was Zeta, but he couldn't help but think back at how close he had been to his discovery.
Everytime he caught a glimpse of him, he lost it, happening so often that Roman had been closer to interact with the Moon instead.
Patton had told him his name was Remy, while the Sun's was Emile and they were part of a particular solar system which contained planets such as Jupiter, Mars, or his favourite, Saturn.
He had also been told there were rumors behind the two's different clothing; Emile was rumored to wear gloves so he could protect others from his burning touch, while Remy was never seen without his sunglasses, probably because he would have gone severely injured if he had directly looked at the Sun.
Busying himself with the search for his system's second star, he almost didn't notice it when people started scattering and some went back to chatting.
Emile and Remy took off their masks alongside everyone and respectively put on glasses and sunglasses.
« Hey there! »
Roman turned. « Holy stars, Patton! I can't believe I almost had him. »
« Well, at least you know he's here now, right? » the nebula started looking around from his spot to search for Virgil again.
« Yeah, I hope it'll be easier to- »
« Found him. » Patton pointed at a few feet next to them, where their object of interest was sitting, attentively staring at something or someone.
Roman felt something in his chest click as soon as he was able to see his face clearly: he didn't know how to describe it, but he loved and absolutely loathed it at the same time.
He realized he had been holding his breath only after he deeply exhaled, making Patton raise an eyebrow.
« Are you going to say hello, or …? »
That was not ideal.
That was actually utterly terrible, how he felt drawn to the other and yet terrified at the same time, the intensity making it a seemingly impossible goal.
Despite the other being the infinitely smaller star, Roman was in awe, like he couldn't compare to him in any sort of way; the aura he gave off was too strong, so much that he seemed to know the secrets of the universe before anyone else.
Roman couldn't explain it, but he had to talk to him or else he would've probably combusted.
What had gotten into him? Did the realization of actually having the possibility of making friends with the other half of his binary system just hit him? … Would the other really agree to such a friendship?
He was afraid to answer that. They barely knew each other, anyway.
Roman started approaching him and felt his legs as heavy as lead, his tongue tied and all the conversations that he had prepared basically gone from his mind.
So many years of longing for this meeting only for it to go into shambles.
Yet, there he was, at last standing next to him.
« Greetings, the name's Roman. » he achieved a single apparently annoyed glance. He looked still … in search of something. « I was wondering whether you were the star entitled as Sirius B. »
Roman finally got a reaction out of him, a slick turn of the head in an impressed expression. « How would you know that? »
Roman grinned and moved one hand from behind his back. « Well, you see, » he started, theatrically bowing down just that necessary to still look him in the eyes. « It just so happens that I am Sirius A. »
✾✾✾✾
Janus was mimicking Roman's gesture as Remus watched in awe.
« Who knows what Virgil will say? »
« Hold it- What do you mean? » Remus sluggishly said with his cheek pressed against the pillow.
« I mean that it's late and you should rest before your little school trip, alright? »
The kid didn't look very convinced.
Janus tried again. « Also, I'm going to give you a mission for tomorrow. »
Remus's eyes lit up again. « What is it? »
« You're going to have to find the stars I've been telling you about. There's going to be a dark room full of projections; it's gonna be fun. »
His nephew let out a “Ooh” of understanding and admiration, already picturing what it could have looked like.
« Come on now, » Janus helped him set into bed and kissed his forehead, at which, like any other night, Remus commented with a “gross” and wiped at his skin.
It was their little routine before Janus himself started preparing for the night.
He was pacing around the living room when he could have sworn he had heard something moving right outside of his apartment's door; he stood there for a second, simply staring at the doorknob, expecting it to twist at any second.
Nothing came through and thus he went to sleep.
He really needed a relaxing bath first.
Janus knew something had been off as soon as he had woken up; the uneasiness from the night before still lingered, pressing down on his stomach.
He could not deal with this.
It was six a.m. again and he was staring at the cupboard in the bathroom.
No, it was fine. He was fine, he could do it on his own.
He breathed deeply and exited the room only to find a perky Remus already up and excited for his trip.
The kid smiled up at him. « Is breakfast ready yet? »
Janus forgot all about how he had woken up.
Merely an hour and a half later, Remus had been dropped off at the school bus after making sure he had everything he needed and that he was under the supervision of all the class' teachers.
He was still going up the stairs of the condominium, when he noticed a figure fidgeting and standing by his door.
Brown curls, green eyes and still impossibly gorgeous.
Janus's stomach did a triple flip and he didn't know if it was for delight or bitterness. Of course, his mind blanked as soon as Clyde acknowledged him.
« Hey, J. » the tone was unsure.
None had been allowed to call him that in years.
« It's been a while … »
« Indeed. » he responded sternly, almost petrified as he waited for the other to state the reason for his visit.
« Uhm, I … needed to get a thing I left here. »
« Here. »
« Yeah. »
Clyde was trying his best not to make everything awkward, but Janus was making it godawfully impossible.
The star didn't talk any further and simply turned the keys to unlock the door, stepping in and aside to let the other enter.
« Get what you need and leave. » he didn't make eye contact, or else he would have been fucked.
A distraction.
Janus went into the kitchen, busying himself with getting things ready for lunch, while Clyde headed for Remus's room; there was a photo album he needed to get after all, there was no way Remus would have wanted to keep pictures of a dad that had given up on him.
He picked up the album and turned the first couple of pages. Then more and more.
Remus had cut out Clyde's face from any picture in which he had appeared.
It was a hit to his heart, a well deserved one, but a hit nonetheless; he put the album back and headed for the door, but something pulled him back to Janus.
The star eyed him warily.
« Did you get it? »
« Not really, but- I figured it doesn't matter anymore. »
Janus made an uninterested noise without looking back up at him.
« If there's anything- »
« We don't need your help. »
Clyde's eyes fell to the floor, but he insisted and came closer to the other, standing at his side.
« I know it's kind of hypocritical but were you to find yourself in a difficult situation- »
« Hypocritical? » Janus scoffed, finally turning to him and glaring at him.
He wanted to drown.
« The only time my situation becomes difficult is when you are around. » he could feel his insides heating up.
« Listen I know you hate me now- »
Oh, was that guilt tripping? That was guilt tripping.
« That's the issue. Everytime I see you, I get reminded of the fact that I just … I don't actually hate you and it sucks, so please leave. » he felt like he was on the verge of either tears or a crisis out of exasperation.
« Janus … » Clyde dared to lift a hand as the other tried to focus back on cooking.
« Don't touch me. »
« Listen. » the man took Janus's wrist anyway with the sole purpose of trying to put some sense into him.
Janus tried to wiggle free from his grip. « I said- » until … « Ugh! » he did.
But his hand had jerked back right onto his cheek, causing the knife he was holding to leave a deep cut through his eye and cheek.
He dropped everything and held his head as a luminous substance flowed out of his cut.
Star's blood.
« Oh my- Oh god, I- »
« Get out! » he yelled one last time and could only hear Clyde's steps as he hurried away from him.
Now there was something interesting about stars: they had a really peculiar way of healing, so much that hospitals wouldn't understand their ways. So Janus ought to help himself.
He quickly washed the blood out of his hands and ran into his room before he could pass out, closed the windows and turned every light off.
By memory he found the little box he had hidden in the bedside table, a secret drawer.
He opened it and a blinding light illuminated the room. That was the light that belonged to him as a star; once you disguise yourself as a human you get to keep it in case of emergencies.
Janus felt heat coming back to his body and pain retreating from his brain.
When he closed it everything felt normal again, despite the tiredness from what had just happened.
Then he looked in the mirror.
A terrible scar ran from above his eyebrow, down his eye and onto his cheek, still so fresh and yet … It looked like a childhood one. And he could still perfectly see.
He didn't want to deal with that right then: he went back to work on his meal and decided on a relaxation day as he didn't have work and really needed a rest.
All he wanted to do was scream and probably cry, but he decided on staring at the ceiling from the living room's couch.
By the time he woke up, he had to go pick up Remus from the school trip, which now required him to put on concealer on his face.
His nephew didn't mention anything about it around others.
But he wasn't certainly stupid.
Once in the car, he spoke up. « What happened to your face? »
« Can't a man wear make-up? »
« Yes, but you've never done It before. And you're not in love so there's none to make yourself pretty for. »
« Ouch, now I'm not pretty? » Janus chuckled.
Remus pointed a finger at him. « You're insecure! »
When will children stop being so brutally honest?
Once home, Janus went straight for the bathroom to wipe the concealer away. « You see, little duke, » he called from there. « Sometimes you don't want to explain things. Sometimes you can't. » he then went back to him and showed his scar.
« What happened? »
« An accident. I recovered quickly with some remaining starry powers. »
The kid seemed to accept it, despite being skeptical.
« Can I get one too? I want to be like a dragon! »
« Dragons don't have scars, kid. » Janus tilted his head.
« They do! It's written in books, they have them all over their bodies. »
« Sweetie, those are scales. »
Remus considered for a second, his eyes fixated on a random spot.
« Uncle, I think my life is a lie. »
Janus finally laughed for real and they decided to leave the corridor for the more important conversation to happen in the living room; the kid started going on about the astronomy museum and all its wonders.
« And then there was that big constellations projector like you mentioned and it was beautiful. » Remus mimicked how he would've showed him in the room, as if the projections were in their apartment. « The scientist knew everything about them, he answered every question, uncle Jee I want to go back! »
Janus smiled the entire time, especially at how his nephew was now looking at him with literal sparkles in his eyes.
« Your birthday is around, isn't it? We could go back then. »
The kid started jumping around in excitement. « I want to visit everyday! I could sell lemonade like they do in cartoons and pay my ticket everyday! »
He giggled, while Remus kept coming up with different ways to assist himself. « I don't think that's likely, but we could visit often if that's what you'd like. »
« But Logan … » the other murmured sadly. « The star man ... »
Janus theatrically scoffed. « Excuse you, am I not enough of a star human myself? »
Remus stuck his tongue out at him and started running around the room only to flee from his uncle's vision in order for him to try and chase him; Janus sighed in a “not this again” manner and walked towards his general direction.
The scar had already been long forgotten.
✾✾✾✾
After days of non stop talking about that one astronomer and the museum, Remus's birthday finally came around.
It didn't seem such a peculiar or important day for that same one astronomer the kid kept talking about, the intelligent and cool one that he wanted to celebrate with.
Logan was walking up the stairs to the museum, his beloved workplace he wouldn't have traded for any kind of amount of gold.
Thankfully, its location had been accessible to a great number of tourists and curious citizens ever since it had been founded, so that every worker could be easily secured in their position.
He waved at his colleagues as he headed to his little office where he often stayed late to do research along side other devoted astronomers; his afternoon shift was about to start, right on time to run through a couple of papers of the previous night before meeting his first group of the day.
Being a tour guide around a museum whilst assisting in astronomy research all the while had its perks and downsides.
Mostly for Logan, it was his insatiable need to let every single thought that ran in his mind directly out for others to hear and obtain as information. It had always been hard as a teenager, especially during high-school.
It wasn't that he studied irregularly – well, maybe sometimes – but he, unlike the majority of his classmates, had to do extra work on training his speech method. The bits of info that stuck to his head while he studied were far too many and growing with each passing test, which made it harder to form connected sentences.
Talking was even worse than writing, he had no time to re-formulate what he had said a minute earlier, he couldn't go back to check what was his initial point, making his oral tests a complete mess.
Despite this, knowing what he wanted to do in his life in the long run, he kept practicing, finding great treasure in info-dumping people about his special interests.
Getting to discuss this kind of matter with university colleagues was a far better help than feeling like you were talking to a wall when your interlocutor kept nodding and smiling, clearly ignorant of whatever you were talking about.
It had also helped to understand how exactly you should modulate your speech depending on the audience, making it all a perfect experience for a soon-to-be guide.
Logan left the room and finally met his momentary students, ready to prepare their minds for the bliss of knowledge.
He briefly glanced through them, multiple people all different from one another, proving the world that education could be for anybody; he moved through different topics with ease, basically dancing between different rooms as he caught glimpses of other interested visitors, such as curious middle schoolers, or a man with bright yellow gloves talking softly to a small excited kid next to him.
It was his place, he felt at home, that strange and rare belonging sentiment.
The satisfaction of leaving the last group of people whose minds wandered in the deepest parts of space, now devoid of questions.
Who he didn't expect to still be wandering around the various exhibits hours after their entrance was that same man with yellow gloves and … supposedly his kid?
Logan leaned on the wall of the room's entrance, still out of sight, trying to catch what kind of conversation might have kept them around for so long.
Not much to his surprise, he heard the man talk of stars with an impressive accuracy, pointing up at the big white and blue projector.
It felt like he had met them personally and conversed with them.
He found himself smiling involuntary as he recognized his own enthusiasm in the boy.
And then …
« It's almost closing time, so, are you ready to hear what Virgil had to say? »
Remus's eyes lit up impossibly more and yelled a convinced “yeah!” before sitting on his uncle's lap and pointing up towards the binary-star Sirius.
« There. »
… he was brought elsewhere.
✾✾✾✾
Virgil always thought they'd have looked the same.
Either some sort of twins or really similar, differently aged bodies, something as weird as that.
Now a gleaming figure stood before him, completely different from how he had imagined him, so much that he almost distrusted that information.
« Patton told me about you. » Roman added later, as if he had just read his mind.
After the initial awkwardness, noticing the blunt disinterest, he tried again.
« So, what would be the name of my system companion? »
The other star raised an eyebrow at the unusual title and looked away before he could respond, making his answer muffled by the music echoing in the room.
« Virgil. »
« Well then, a pleasure being your friend then, Virgil. »
That finally got a reaction out of him, as the smaller star snorted sarcastically. « I don't really think meeting one time is what it takes to be someone's friend, Roman. »
He laughed lightly. « My apologies, I don't actually know how it works, » still with a smile on, he looked down. « I don't really have friends. »
And there it was, something Roman had never seen before, but that he could've caught on Patton's expression sometimes, briefly.
The pitiful glance he would've learnt to recognize.
« Oh. » was all Virgil mustered to say. He had never faced that kind of situation.
« It's the big and terrifying thing, or some envy of sorts, I'm not sure … But I still have Patton! » Roman concluded, bright as before. « And it's also why I've been eager to meet you since I got to know about you. »
Virgil tilted his head as he quickly glanced between him and the dancing couples.
« Did he tell you about me? »
« A little. He wanted it to be more of a surprise for both of us, he was as excited as I was! »
Unlike you, it seems.
Roman frowned and brushed off the clear indifference of the other, instead trying to find common ground.
« Would you like to dance? »
Virgil finally looked at him properly, but it was as though he was trying to make a tough choice, whether that was a useful option to his goal, the same way he did the first time they met. His hand moved and almost reached Roman's, but hesitation got the best of him, his eyebrows furrowed, arm almost shaking.
Roman didn't understand; what was the issue? They had danced earlier. What was so different about it now?
« I- »
They were interrupted by a swarm of people coming their way, clearing up a path for the Sun and Moon to return back to their respective places, outside of the palace.
Which meant it was time for everyone to part ways.
« … I will go. »
And just like that, he was gone.
Roman repeated the events in his mind once he got back, immediately requesting Patton's presence. Just what in the planets had he just witnessed? There was nothing of the sweetness he'd fantasized about, nothing about introducing each other like old friends, nothing of that electric buzz in your chest, the one that makes you so sure that you do belong exactly where you are.
All he felt was dread, awkwardness and uncomfortable silence, loss of words. Stupidity.
That's what he was, so ingenuous to think both of them would've been happy to find each other at last.
Had Virgil ever even cared about all of this? Did Roman simply impose his dreams on the other?
« So that I'm sure I did not hallucinate, » the star huffed, an arm over his eyes as he laid down. « I did meet him. »
« That you did. » Patton said, sounding more certain than Roman himself.
« And … »
« And? »
« It sucked. » he got up. « We barely even talked! My mind was racing and going blank from agitation and he didn't even try to interact with me, Patton. He obviously doesn't want to be my friend! He definitely thinks I'm annoying at this rate. »
« Hey there, little sparkle, slow down with the all too quick affirmations now. » Patton's form outside of the palace made him almost look like he had wings for arms. « You see, we're not all the same. You met me, and I'm very energetic and mostly aligning with your extravagant character- »
« You think I'm extravagant? » Roman let in some fake disbelief.
Patton chuckled. « In the best way possible! What I mean is, it's easy for us to get along, but Virgil is pretty much the opposite of you, which makes it a bit difficult to immediately get along. You only need to give it some more time. »
The binary-star did feel reassured with his words.
Not completely, though they made sense, yet there was always something in the back of his mind that made him doubt those kind of words. The nebula could tell everytime Roman grimaced for seemingly no reason.
« Are you … » Roman calculated his words. Surely he didn't want to appear more doubtful than he was after his “defeat” at the ball earlier. « Are you sure it's not … »
« Roman, believe me, he'd be the last to care about the fact that you're … » he scrambled for examples. « A bigger star than the sun itself! Star systems share a deep intrinsic bond. Just go at his pace, he might only be distraught. »
« I heard someone talk about big stars. » a voice called over their shoulders. « So I couldn't help but stop by. »
A feminine body loomed before them, familiar almost spirited eyes checked Roman out from afar, until she was close enough to inspect both of them.
« Zeta. » Sirio-A called out unenthusiastically. « What brings you here? »
« Didn't see you dancing. Was wondering what kind of unforeseen event kept you from shining your true beauty upon those little kids. » they grinned. « But I see you're already hooked up. »
« Patton's always been a friend. » he replied in annoyance.
« I don't really do romances, thank you! » Patton offered right after with a bright smile.
« Oh. I apologize for assuming. » she said, before composing herself « Anyway, I'd appreciate it if you came to chat with me and Canopus instead of running around in search of a random dude. »
Zeta Ophiuchi had always been … an eccentric type of star, basking under the knowledge that she, Roman and Canopus were the brightest ones of the night sky.
She managed to enthrall Canopus in her own thinking, since the latter showed a less strong character than her friend; Roman, though? He'd never really been eager to feed the fire of greatness.
He had come to terms with the fact that all those acts of superiority didn't matter, since nothing really changed in their hierarchy.
« Why do you guys insist on keeping your title as names instead of choosing your own? » he derailed from the conversation.
« A little nosy, aren't we today? »
« Says the one who barged in uninvited. »
Zeta chuckled. « Touché. » she sighed afterwards. « It's because we want to stay true to our origin, partly because it also gives you a grip on your essence, your reality. It's empowering, Sirius. » she put much more emphasis on Roman's title.
He hated it with a burning passion.
Zeta lowered down at his eye-level. « Don't you think? » he wanted to wipe her grin away with a single death glare.
Patton muttered a “not again” under his breath; that occasion happened at least once a month, Zeta would pick at Roman's most sensitive spots and try to get past the thick walls he placed between himself and his insecurities.
« Well it's been a nice sunset! Why don't we go before it gets too dangerous for you to stay away from Ophiuchus, Zeta? »
She stared intently at Roman for a while longer before turning to the nebula and offering a fake smile and a nod. « Of course, Seagull. »
He breathed deeply, then waved sadly at his friend as Zeta followed quickly behind.
Roman understood how she and Canopus had been admitted to the same group as his, yet at the same time he couldn't believe how he had to deal with Zeta's teasing even in the palace.
Working towards his goal was going to be harder than he thought.
✾✾✾✾
« Zeta's a bitch! » Remus abruptly commented, causing his uncle's sudden laughter. « I like her. »
Janus tried to gain his breath back. « Yeah- » he chuckled. « She's going to be rather interesting in the future. »
« Well that was quite the story. »
His eyes widened and he turned towards the entrance of the projector room: there stood a man, probably around his age, with the usual formal outfits and the museum worker plate stuck to his shirt.
« I'm so sorry I- »
« Logan! » Remus sprinted to his feet and ran up the stranger like he was an old relative he loved and hadn't seen in ages.
So that was who Remus would always mention.
Janus walked up to them, trying to hide the embarrassment behind a polite smile. « Come on duke, we should get going now. »
« But he's the star man! »
Star man? Logan thought, low-key impressed.
« There's no need to rush actually. We'll be closing the exhibit rooms in an hour, but most of us tend to stay the night. » he smiled back, then looked down at the young boy. « How do you know my name? »
« I came here two weeks ago! » Remus excitedly said. « With school! There were two of you, you were the cool one. »
Logan recalled a school class and a co-worker helping out with timing.
« We came back for my birthday, but I thought you weren't here today. Can we celebrate together now? »
Janus let out a laugh between exasperation and amusement, then looked up at the astronomer. « He's grown fond of you. » he tried to explain.
« I can see that. » Logan crouched down to converse with Remus easily. « What would you want me to do? »
Never before an occasion like that one had occurred to him, plus an offer to spend time with people with his same interests other than his colleagues, thus less programmed to spit out information in any given situation, would have definitely been a breath of fresh air.
« Let's get ice cream. » Remus turned to his uncle. « Can we? »
Janus nodded. « If Logan is able to, I don't see why not. »
And Logan could afford leaving early every once in a while, so …
« Alright then, » he stepped aside from the entrance to let them exit. « I will let them know I'll be going out. » he pointed towards the offices and left.
About half an hour later, Remus was walking around the park, doing his best not to make the ice cream fall from his cone as he inspected all the bugs and insects he could find.
« I hope we're not wasting precious time. » Janus was walking alongside Logan not too far behind from Remus.
« Not at all. I have been actually told I could have used some free time every now and then. »
« Ah, are you the stay-in-late type? »
Logan moved his head from side to side in half agreement. « Sort of. It is mostly part of our job to carry on with research. You could say my work could be divided into day and night jobs. I do not mind it a single bit, to be fair. »
« Oh! » the star stopped dead in his tracks, realization hitting him, while the astronomer looked back at him, blinking in confusion. « How rude of me. » he extended his arm to the other. « My name is Janus Hydra. »
Logan gladly shook it. « Pleasure to be here then, Janus. »
The star smiled, then they went back to walking. « And the one who's trying to catch a butterfly is my nephew Remus. » he giggled as he watched the kid almost stick his cone into a tree.
« It was very thoughtful of you to bring him to the museum for his birthday. »
« Yes, well, he wouldn't stop mentioning it day and night. It would've been rude of me not to do so. »
Logan caught an odd detail in that sentence. « You live with him? » he asked, trying to be as cautious and considerate as possible.
Janus nodded and, for the first time, he wasn't asked why. He was silently grateful for, objectively, a stranger not trying to peer into his personal life as much as others would do.
« So, what about you? I haven't seen you around my workplace, yet you seem to be knowledgeable about stars. » he thought back at the moments in which he pointed up at the constellations with impeccable precision. « Is it a simple personal passion? »
« You could say that. It's something like a family thing. As you may have noticed, my surname comes from a constellation, by which I could deduce that probably one of my ancestors decided it was going to be our legacy. »
Logan could … honestly see that.
« Very peculiar. I can imagine the- »
« L, look! » Remus ran up to them with a butterfly in his hand. « Which one is this? »
Logan cupped one hand under his. « I suggest not to take it by the wings, » with the other, he instructed Remus to drop it gently on his palm. « Touching them damages them as it removes the material on them which permits butterflies to distinguish and disguise themselves. Furthermore, your risk to damage or even completely break the wings. They're pretty fragile. » the little insect walked up to his fingertip. « Here. » he offered as he gestured for Remus to carefully let the butterfly walk on from Logan's to his hand.
« This one is a Morpho Menelaus, also known as blue morpho. »
« I read they can drink from puddles. » the kid said as he lowered the insect next to one on the ground.
« That's true, they have a varied diet. Did you know some can drink blood as well? »
Remus jumped to his feet, a wide grin on his face. « They can?! »
Logan made a diverted expression at the difference between Remus's reaction and Janus's unpleasant disbelief.
« There's a moth species in Asia with this ability, if it pleases the butterfly of course, it's rare but not undone. »
Time seemed to dilate as Remus kept asking for more facts to the “cool man who seemed to know everything”, the small talk between the latter and Janus to slowly get to know each other more and the general pleasant aura made them forget it was almost time for dinner.
« Wait. » Remus, once again, caught everyone's attention. « What about my birthday gift from Logan? »
Janus wanted to intervene, but Logan seemed way ahead of him already.
« How inconsiderate of me, you are absolutely correct, I should have prepared for this important event. » he pretended to think about it. « How about you can come to the museum whenever you want without the need of a ticket? »
Remus beamed, that was the best t-
« No. »
And his heart skipped a beat for a moment. He turned to look at his uncle with disappointment, but Janus's glance was fixed on Logan's.
« I refuse to not support your job. We will pay, like any other visitor. »
« Let's make a deal, then. You can come whenever you'd like and stay later than closing time, while I get to hear the story you were telling earlier as well. »
That was entirely unexpected. What was so charming about events he had witnessed? It didn't sit completely right with him, but who was he to deny saving money for the sake of his nephew's happiness?
Janus looked down at Remus who had assumed the “cat with the boots” adorable pleading face.
« Alright, you win this one, but I still owe you. » he warned Logan.
« Completely fine with me. »
« Are you sure it's okay to do, still? »
The astronomer had no doubts. « I will find a way, no need to worry. I'll be expecting you two tomorrow? » he asked, tilting his head almost imperceptibly to the side.
The other two agreed to come say hi after Remus had been done with school and thus they parted ways.
As Janus drove home, he realized he hadn't felt the all too familiar dawning of anguish a single moment of the day.
Was that going to be the eagerly awaited turning point?
Ever since they started visiting the museum, Remus and Janus took their time to explore every room and all the documents the exhibit had to offer, which made it really effective to tire Remus out in anticipation of bedtime.
Thus, the storytelling would often get postponed, especially since they wanted Logan to also be present, though he had to run important experiments during the first few weeks. They so decided to change it from a bedtime story to “their thing”, under the faint light of a constellations projector.
A month had now passed since their first encounter, and they finally managed to all sit down together in the almost dark room.
« Here's an apology gift. » Logan pushed a box in front of Remus who immediately wrapped off the paper encasing it.
« Apology for what exactly? » Janus asked with an eyebrow raised. « You're already letting us stay here for free. » it had become like a second home at that point.
« I know, but I have been around very briefly and I had to sneak you in late to cut out some time for you. »
« We aren't expecting you to be here every single time, Logan, you work here … »
« And you're also forgiven! » Remus exclaimed showing the little glow-in-the-dark stars stickers he already couldn't wait to put up in his room.
Janus chuckled under his breath. « You still didn't have to. » he made himself comfortable against the room's wall.
« If everyone's ready, I shall begin. »
✾✾✾✾
Roman felt like Virgil had been missing for most of the sunset dances.
He hadn't caught a glimpse of him in weeks, he felt as if he had been playing hide and seek all this time; Patton told him not coming wasn't possible, like stars were literally just teleported fully dressed to the ballroom the second it begun.
He had also been pretty busy avoiding Zeta and Canopus – not that the latter was any threat to him, actually she would've been easily persuaded to not tell on his location – that time ran out before he could meet up with Virgil.
All hope had been lost as he laid against a column and turned away from the dancing couples.
And he saw Virgil, a few meters away, sitting on a marble sort of parapet like he was ready to jump on his feet and leave. He was surrounded by a lack of other stars.
« Hey there. » Roman waved from his spot and his system's partner turned to him with the quickest neck movement he'd ever seen.
He looked as tired as someone who'd been dancing around all night.
… trying to … avoid someone …
Okay, they were both tired as hell.
Virgil gave the most effortless wave he could muster.
« Haven't seen you lately. » Roman pointed out. « Still, would you sit down with me? I don't think I can handle standing a minute longer. »
« I concur. » Virgil responded, grateful.
They slid down to the floor in almost perfect synchrony, simply watching what was going on before them: Roman was able to catch Patton's eyes and smile at him.
« Remember when you said I'm not a good judge of what is and isn't a friendship? »
« Didn't phrase it like that, but sure. »
« Does someone who's constantly bothering you and generally poke at your limits seem like a friend? »
Virgil took a silent but deeper look at the other and noted in his mind how exasperated he sounded.
« That sounds more like someone's been annoying you non-stop. That's … not exactly friendship either. »
Roman sighed, trying not to spiral into hysteria by the end of the night; he could hear Zeta's imposing voice in every corner he tried to escape.
How to break into silence?
« What do you think about going to the balcony? »
Virgil didn't hate the idea, but worry got the best of him. « Isn't that section of the palace reserved to the Sun and Moon only? »
His acquaintance displayed a mischievous smile. « Not if we get back before anyone notices. » he pulled himself to his feet, offering his hand to the other confidently.
Virgil couldn't help but take it and venture into unexplored areas; the hallways decorations were pretty much the same, if not less sumptuous, of the ballroom. He watched as Roman pushed glass doors open and revealed a terrace with a view of the Earth's sunrise on the sky above them.
They must have been on the Sun's wing. He felt suddenly more agitated about his presence there.
« Finally, » Roman took large steps to the parapet and leaned on it, closing his eyes to the gentle breeze caressing his hair. « A moment of silence. »
Virgil mimicked him. « I hadn't felt this peaceful nothingness in a long while. »
The other opened one eye to give him a sideways look. « You have visitors? »
« People have been fussing over me for some reason ever since we made our debut here. »
That explained the ever tired look, the staying behind as stars danced and had fun, and especially the unwanted attention.
« They say they find me cute or whatever, only because I'm the smaller star in the binary system. It's … really annoying. Kind of offensive, if I can say. »
« Here we are, » Roman chuckled to himself. « Both socially exhausted because everybody's patronizing you, while I'm being picked at constantly. »
« It's our system's fatal flaw. » Virgil confessed dramatically, which made the other snort, surprised by the sudden burst of confidence with joking around him.
They spent some more minutes in silence, the music from the ballroom was barely audible, like they were slowly being taken away.
Neither of their situations were desirable, but Roman really could've used some positive attention every once in a while, instead of laying in the dreadful awaiting of being ridiculed, as whoever else passed by him tried not to make eye contact.
He didn't realize he had progressively lowered his head to rest on the parapet's rail, his eyes half-lidded. He dared to take a quick glance at Virgil, standing tall as he observed the morning sky: every movement of his purple irises looked like a stroke of a brush on an expensive painting.
There, he looked much bigger than the universe they were in, some sort of irony against his usual small perception, which caused other stars to nickname him as “the pup”.
Roman's face portrayed an amused smile as he imagined Virgil being one of Earth's small dogs he had been told about.
It quickly faltered though, as soon as he shook the thought away, the sorrowful reality of his loneliness hit him and he couldn't stop himself from murmuring his belief to the sunrise.
« I really have only one friend, huh? »
The quiet around made it possible for Virgil to hear clearly, so he turned and looked at him from above, pondering whether or not it was appropriate of him to console Roman in some way.
At the end of the day, they really were alike, as distinct as they still could appear.
« You can have me? Two isn't much higher than one, but it isn't as bad. »
Roman averted the sky to disperse his bewilderment directly into Virgil's eyes, all fluttery eyelids and raised eyebrows.
« That would be so much better. » Virgil was glad to be the cause of his smile for once. « Thank you, Virgil. »
« You can call me Virge. »
Roman started cooing mockingly. « Aw, you're opening up to me. »
« And already regretting it, thank you very much. »
The other genuinely laughed and his expression softened, letting silence set one more veil above them.
« I wish I could visit you. » Roman then said after admiring the landscape. « We'd make sleepovers along with Patton- »
« Stars don't sleep. »
Oh, damn it. They had gotten so lost in their conversation that they hadn't noticed the music fading out completely.
As they turned, they noticed Emile at the entrance of the terrace, a warm expression set on his face, some sort of understanding as he had his arms folded over himself and sparkles of light all around.
He wasn't hostile, yet he knew they didn't belong there. Still, he wasn't one to reprimand.
« You should hurry back, friends. » he suggested, leaving one of the two doors free for them to pass through.
The two quickly made their way towards the hallway, but for Virgil it felt like an eternity: the moment he locked eyes with the Sun, it was as though his body refused to acknowledge its own movements. He didn't realize Roman had been tugging him by the sleeve as Virgil walked right past Emile, never leaving his glance.
Roman turned back to him as they half-ran towards the ballroom, noticing Virgil still hadn't turned his head from the balcony's entrance.
« Are you alright? »
« Huh? » Virgil quickly moved to look forward and find Roman's curious face.
The bigger star noticed the glimmering lights on his cheeks: a common feature which meant a star was happy or feeling intense emotions.
He saw Roman furrow his eyes, like he was trying to connect the dots, but rapidly ignoring it as they had made their way through the ballroom.
This time, Roman had a different tale to tell Patton.
✾✾✾✾
« So- uh? »
As Janus had been stroking Remus's hair absentmindedly, he hadn't realized the kid's breath had been slowing down to an evenly repeated movement: as he looked down, he saw his nephew biting through his glove in his sleep.
« It really sounds like an effective bedtime story. » Logan commented as Janus carefully placed Remus's head on his shoulder. He helped him stand up without losing balance and they quietly made their way towards the exit and, subsequently, Janus's car as, like Logan said, “it was the least he could do for them that night”.
« Are you going to go back in? » Janus whispered as he kept an eye on the backseat of his car.
Logan checked his watch, noticing time had flown by rather quickly, no wonder the kid had already fallen asleep. « I think so, yes. »
« Okay. » the other nodded. « Don't stay too late, Remus is not the only one who needs sleep. »
« I am fully aware of what a healthy circadian rhythm consists of. » he threw in a slight, non-harmful piece of sarcasm in his voice.
« Oh, I know you do. I was just making sure you knew you aren't elected to ignore it either way. »
Logan was delighted by the atmosphere: it was always pleasant to realize the exact moment in which you got closer to someone, the caring feeling hidden under friendly banter.
He was glad someone was looking out for him in that way.
« I'll theorize about what's going to happen next in your tale to help myself, then. »
« Hey, » Janus pointed towards him. « Don't you dare use that excuse to stay up later, though. »
« Will not do. » Logan chuckled. « Seriously, though, you needn't worry. »
« Fine. » he said, realizing that maybe his “mother-hen” senses had been activated the moment his nephew had fallen asleep.
He looked back at his little duke, and took a step backward, moving to his car.
« Well- »
Janus raised his arm to wave, but was interrupted by his friend's sudden words.
« I was thinking, » Logan was tapping his fingertips together before stopping altogether and making eye contact, like he had forgotten what he was doing. « If you'd like to and if you have time, we could hang out? It doesn't always have to be my workplace, or be a rushed thing. »
« That would be lovely! I can't really leave Remus alone nowadays and I always work when he's at school, as I imagine you do as well, but you could definitely come visit when you're off. »
Both of them were thrilled of the thought of spending quality time with each other for once.
« Oh, right. I could pick you up from work and you could have dinner with us! »
« Sounds excellent. » Logan moved slightly and a speck of street light hit part of his face, lighting up one of his eyes.
It was there that it was clear how the dark of the night made everything seem more mysterious and grim.
They waved each other goodbye, deciding to agree upon the day of their meeting via text.
Janus heard Remus shuffle in his seat, he was gripping tightly at the door's handle.
The moment he looked back ahead of himself he noticed an unusual glimmering under his eyes: he quickly checked on the rear-view mirror, finding the same sparkles he had described in his story.
He in-took a deep breath and braced himself for whatever was going to come in the future, while all he could think about were sharp looks and a poised personality.
That sure as the sky was going to be interesting to witness.
For example, it was deeply interesting when he received a call from Logan, the latter insisting he couldn't be able to sleep; the sound of the phone ringing had also woken Remus up, whom unceremoniously plopped onto his uncle's bed right beside him as soon as he heard Logan's voice.
Now he had two restless kids to put to sleep.
« This isn't an excuse for both of you to stay up later is it? »
« I wanted to talk to Logan too! »
« And I forgot to get melatonin on my way to work. »
After arguing to get him to make a physical note to leave on his table for the morning after, Janus allowed the man to stay on the line and Remus to get comfortable under the covers, while only the bedside table lamp was on.
✾✾✾✾
The terrace scene had replayed in Virgil's head for weeks.
Ever since the start, his goal had been the one to be able to reach the Sun, the one childhood hero he had grown to love, now he had him at his fingertips and yet, he was still so distant.
He danced with strangers to gain courage to get as close as possible to him, but he couldn't find it to touch his hand, let alone when he had to speak a single word to him.
The Sun seemed kind-hearted, he was for sure as well, he knew he wouldn't have been the target of insults for his deep admiration.
Despite all of this, he was still scared.
He was going to explode if he didn't speak up about it anytime soon.
« Are you alright? »
That question again, while the same thoughts circled in his mind, ones he couldn't keep in anymore.
« I think I'm in love with him. »
Roman battered his eyes. He had been spending most of the dance time with him, venting to each other about whoever came to visit or simply relaxing in the quietest spot they were allowed to reach.
They hadn't danced together once yet.
« Care to explain further? »
How could he when he couldn't even say his name?
« The sun. » Virgil hardly let out any voice. « I just- » he felt all the tension wash away as he looked into Roman's red irises, willing to gather more knowledge on the situation. « I'm happy to come here only because I have a chance to see him, but every single time someone else sweeps him away before I can even reach him. »
That would've been Remy, Roman thought.
« And even if I had the opportunity … I couldn't take it. It's stronger than me and it's eating me alive at the same time. » his breath was heavy with emotion.
Roman made space to a new feeling as well. There was only one way he could explain it.
Daggers.
Daggers piercing through your chest and stomach, multiple of them slowly and attentively burning holes in every vital organ, becoming sharper the longer Roman breathed through it.
It was because of empathy, right? He felt awful for Virgil's incapacity to interacting with the one he loved.
So why would the thought of helping him deepen the sharpness of those knives?
« I just … need to at least talk about it with someone. I only ever really have this opportunity with you and then again, staying alone with my thoughts- »
« It makes you want to scream. »
Roman wanted to yell the pain away.
« Like your organs are contorting … »
And twisting and looking for a way out of your body.
« … And your heart is in your throat, trying its best to escape. »
Virgil nodded, an aching expression displayed on his face.
« Why don't you just go? Next time, you just throw yourself in. Be yourself. It's always what they tell you to do. Let it happen, be natural and respect his boundaries. A path will slowly be open to you. »
What was he doing?
Virgil let the information sink in and, slowly, that pained face transformed into a warm smile.
That. That's what I'm doing. That's what I always want to do.
It was also how they tended to spend the sunset and sunrise dances ever since; Roman would sit down with Virgil in the corner and psych him up for him to be able to, eventually, open up to the opportunity of meeting Emile for real.
And, at the same time, he watched himself struggle and fall down, masking himself for the sake of the other.
On a particular night, he was walking away from the room alone, a myriad of thoughts surrounding his mind.
He didn't even have what he wanted.
« No, I do. » he retorted to himself, stopping dead in his tracks.
Virgil was his friend, that's all he had ever wanted ever since he found out about his existence, so why was it just not enough yet? Why was it so doleful, the idea of the friend he craved being so happy with someone else?
Why couldn't it just admit his emotions to himself? Why was there always a wall between him and how he felt?
« Would you please like to get moving? » he felt a hand push him from his back and the sight of Zeta and Canopus at her side obscured his mind from whatever he was thinking.
He didn't react much other than get to walking again, everything would've been fine, to some extent, if he didn't hear her whisper to her friend about how she was going to stop at Sirius's star before.
Anxiety surged in his stomach, up to his stomach, pumping his heart more than needed.
« You've been distraught. » she announced as they landed on his star. « What's up? »
« You think I'd tell you? »
« Why do you have anyone else to say that to? »
Roman looked down: as much as he hated to admit it, she was right.
« That still doesn't mean I suddenly want to open up to you. »
« Sirius, come on, you think you'll ever get the chance to do so with that little kid? »
« His name is Virgil. » he growled.
She tilted her head, mouth open. « Protective aren't we? » he clicked her tongue three times. « Not good, Sirius, not good. As I was saying, you'll never have the chance to talk with anyone but me and Canopus. »
Shut up.
« Patton won't be able to be here for you forever. »
Shut up.
« And everybody knows how Sirius B's star is slowly dying- »
« Can you stop for once in your life?! »
Zeta watched as Roman put his hands on his ears, eyes wide with panic, his entire body was trembling as he sat down, his sadness finally hitting him. Tears welled in his ruby eyes as too many concerns formed inside him.
« Don't talk about him. » he managed to say through the sobs. « Don't mention him, in any way, I don't want you to even think about him. »
Zeta arched an eyebrow and stepped closer, offended by the sudden burst. « You really need to own up to your true title and stop hanging around the pathetic ones. »
She walked away from him, until yelling took her by surprise.
« I love him! » Roman admitted, pulling his arms away from his eyes, his face reddened and wet with sorrow. « Are you happy?! I love him and he definitely doesn't. »
He looked down and all he saw was opaque misery.
« Well of course he doesn't. » she spat, turning back to give him one last disgusted glance. « Look at yourself. »
The last dagger.
Roman collapsed and let out all his anguish.
Yet again, he was going to find himself left behind, alone in his shuddersome melancholy.
And no one else had to know.
✾✾✾✾
There was a beat of silence.
« Uncle, how am I going to sleep after all of that? »
Janus grinned mischievously. « I like to torture my readers. » then he picked up the phone again and whispered. « But listen. »
Nothing more than a slow breathing came from the other end.
« Want to say goodnight? »
Remus nodded vigorously. « Night Lol! » he then watched as Janus hung up. « Is Roman going to be okay? »
Janus shrugged. « Maybe. »
« I'm going to kick you off the bed. »
« I'd tease you more but I recognize you're actually able to do that. »
« Good. » Remus smiled and eventually tucked himself further in bed, ready for a good night's sleep. And maybe some chaos in the middle of it, but it wasn't like his uncle had to know.
On a fortunate weekend, Janus and Remus were finally driving back to their apartment with a new component of their little group. Logan was contentedly sitting in the passenger seat, ready for another one of the peculiar nights around who became in no time two of his favorite people.
As he made his way through the porch, he noticed how Remus had wanted to stick the glow-in-the-dark stars on every single apartment wall. In fact, he had told the astronomer how sometimes he would convince his uncle to have a sleepover in different rooms.
« Imagine sleeping in the kitchen and waking up to breakfast ready! »
« That literally already happens, I always cook you something before you wake up. And don't think I don't notice those midnight snacks. »
The dinner went by nicely, Logan had settled in quickly, like he had always belonged there: he helped with food and to hinder Remus whenever it was extremely needed, or at least keep him company while he played as Janus was busy in the kitchen.
Having Logan around felt like the most normal thing ever and Janus was grateful to have a friendship like his.
Before he knew it, the sparkles were back. He fought them away as he called the other two, trying to keep himself through the entire meal, but it was absolutely impossible as he kept laughing and smiling thanks to someone so dashingly-
Hold up. Back on track.
You're supposed to fight it back, not welcome it, you dumbass.
Remus lost interest in the TV show he was following and left the room to go play with his toys once he had finished eating, taking some ice cream with him.
In the middle of a conversation, Janus absentmindedly rubbed at his cheek, not noticing he had taken off some of the makeup he meticulously had put on before he left home.
Someone else noticed, of course.
« Oh- You have- Hang on. » Logan bent over the table, thinking an eyelash had fallen on Janus's cheek, though when he noticed it didn't fall off, rather it expanded, he arched his eyebrows and sat back, looking at the makeup residue on his fingertips.
Janus's heart had skipped multiple beats since then. What was he supposed to say now?
« I would never pry, but, is everything alright? »
Seeing the genuine concern and care behind Logan's glasses, he convinced himself it was time for him to learn the story behind him.
Not every single detail … as he would've never believed him.
« It's … kind of a long story. » he began, folding his hands together on the table. « Remus's mother, she was my sister. She had married this man, Clyde Davis. »
« The therapist? »
« You know him? » the world surely was very little.
« Not personally. » his doctor had suggested him as he was also a psychiatrist, to help with his sleep issues.
« Well, they were together for a few years, then they had Remus and everything was going splendidly. » his glance moved from his hands to Remus playing in the other room. « Until my sister fell ill. It didn't take too long for it to consume her … I was already staying by their side pretty much daily, supporting them. » he sighed deeply and passed a hand on his face. « When she passed away, it also didn't take long before Clyde decided to start a new life … without Remus. »
« He … passed him onto you? Just like that? » Logan was bewildered negatively.
« Yes. He said we reminded him too much of her and he couldn't stay in that kind of environment anymore. »
« I understand the decision, but, and pardon my french, that is what they call a “dick move”. »
Janus couldn't help but giggle at that. « Yeah, I can't believe I used to be in love with him. »
Wait.
Wait.
Earthlings, Janus, you fool!
That was it, he ruined automatically whatever he had created with Logan with a single sentence because he forgot the humans' moral compass.
Right before he could spiral, he felt a hand on his and, when he looked up, he saw his friend's reassuring expression.
« It's okay. Sometimes we love people who hurt us, it can happen and we cannot control what our heart dictates. »
Janus blinked multiple times, then couldn't bare his stare anymore and looked down again. Then at their joined hands.
He took another breath. « Remus and I were perfectly fine by ourselves, dare I say Remus's presence lit up my days more than I did his. Then one day he appeared on my doorstep and it took all I had in myself to not slam the door right on his face. He insisted he had left something behind and decided to retrieve it after two years. Needless to say … he made me very upset. »
He scrunched his face for a second.
« I had a knife in my hand … and, well, I accidentally injured myself while trying to prove a point. » he wiped further at his cheek and part of his eyebrow and forehead. « Thankfully it wasn't as deep as it seemed. »
« I'm really sorry all of that happened. » Logan grimaced. « I would gladly teach him a lesson if he ever comes in my sight. »
Janus snorted. « Will you tell him about Runaway stars? »
« I hate and love that sentence at the same time, but as much as it would be the most intently ironic topic ever, I do have mediocre experience in explaining about how to raise a child in an healthy environment. »
He nodded. « Yes, that would be an incredibly helpful topic. »
« For future reference, of course. »
« Ah yes, not like he ever needed that in the past. » Janus had waited for this kind of conversation to happen with someone for ages.
« I'm glad you told me when you didn't have to. » Logan eventually confessed. « I imagined something like this had happened, but I preferred you were the one to brush the subject first. »
Janus had always been grateful for that. « You're the first and only one so far. » they both smiled at that. « But yes, I just didn't want you to worry about this. » he said, pointing to his scar.
Logan didn't exactly control his next words. « Not that I can not worry for you nonetheless. »
No, don't do that to me.
« Sometimes it's like … I wished I could stay longer. I suppose it has to do with the fact that I like being around to help the two of you, be it with chores or having fun. Instead I keep rushing back and forth from home to work lately. »
Janus bit the inside of his cheek. « You're always welcome here if you want to distract yourself. Just be sure to take care properly. »
« I know I should. I never seem to have enough time in a day. »
« Then let us. » Janus started grinning and laid back against his seat. « Remus makes a killer combination of ice cream and we know all the best TV shows, I'm fairly sure you have a similar taste to mine. Oh my, I can't imagine you with a face mask- »
« Please spare me. » Logan pretended to be scared for his life as the other couldn't contain his laughter anymore.
« It's too late. The plan is already in motion. »
Their conversation derailed until wine settled in to make everything more light hearted.
Remus ventured in the room around 10, announcing he was tired by letting half of his body rest on top of his uncle's legs. He carried him towards his bed and, that time, both Logan and Janus had sat down next to him for the night's storytelling.
✾✾✾✾
« Gosh, this really is harder than it originally sounded like. » Patton had been rubbing Roman's back for the past minutes as he had lost all the energy to dance after the previous week's realization.
Dare he say, he was actually trying to avoid Virgil in any kind of way. His absence would've probably helped him far more to finally approach Emile, anyway. He was just helping him further, wasn't he?
« I feel awful. » the nebula admitted, a sour taste in his mouth. « One-sided feelings are difficult to accept, though not impossible to overcome. It may sound stupid, but you'll feel better with time, Ro. I assure you. »
« You're right, it sounds stupid. » he had never heard his voice so low.
Patton smiled sadly. « I know. But I do feel like, instead of inconveniencing yourself further, you should spend as much time as you are allowed to with him. » he looked back at him. « And none says Emile automatically reciprocates. »
« Don't get my hopes up. »
« I was just saying. » Patton used his sing-song voice, the one that never failed to make Roman smile. « Either way, I'll always be here to be your moral support. »
« Believe me, you'll also always be a far better moral support than Zeta. »
« She isn't the best in that department. »
Both Patton and Roman looked up and the latter found Canopus sitting next to him.
« She thinks she looks out for people. She has good intentions, but she's still a little confused on her methods. » it was usual of her to defend Zeta, but Roman was glad she shared nothing of Ophiuchus' star's attitude.
« I think she should understand not every single one of us is under her supervision. »
Canopus nodded, lying against the column which was lining up perfectly with her back.
« Why has she left you alone? » Roman didn't mind her, she was actually one of the kindest stars he knew, but seeing her by herself made him skeptical.
« Did she hurt you? We would stand by your side in case! »
Canopus giggled and put up her hands. « It's okay. No, she's … talking to someone. » she pointed to Roman. « Your co-star? Virgil? »
That was the last straw-
« Don't you dare. » Patton pulled Roman back down on his seat, though the other was fuming with rage already. « Canopus, dear, why would Zeta converse with Virgil without you? »
« She said she needs to ask him a question. A rather personal question, something she didn't want me to know, I guess. » she looked into Roman's eyes with determination. « She vowed to never lie to me many, many years back. I'm sure she isn't saying anything about you. You know how she's all for honor, I don't think she would tell on you like that. »
As much as Zeta's ways had always been pretty drastic, Roman believed her, though the curiosity of what she might have been asking was eating him away.
More than being curious, for Virgil the experience was dreadful.
You suddenly saw one of the biggest stars in the room come up to you and ask about your feelings, like everyone in the room could've read you easily.
« This is going to sound weird. » she declared as she took Virgil's hand when they exchanged dancing partners. « But I need to know this out of you. Do you by any chance nurture any kind of romantic feelings towards Sirius A? »
Virgil felt dumbfounded. « No. » he quickly said, quicker than needed. « I do not. » he added, trying to mimic her poised nature.
« So, if there ever was another potential lover, you'd think the path would be clear for them? »
Was that hope in her voice? The tiniest tremble in a heated room.
« I definitely think so. » she glanced back in a direction unknown to Virgil.
« Thank you. » she whispered before disappearing back in the crowd; he stepped away from it, finding easily Emile's bright figure dancing and smiling like it was the first time with some stars unknown to him.
« Isn't he beautiful? »
Damn. That really was the richest night he had, huh?
Right next to him stood the Moon themselves; Remy was holding their glasses, letting their gleaming silver eyes rest for a while.
« Truly. » he agreed, letting the softness take him away.
« I couldn't ask for a more amazing dance partner every night. » Virgil wished he could share a piece of their happiness.
« I can only imagine. » he looked down, gaze fixed onto the Sun.
Remy titled their head. « You haven't danced with him yet? »
Virgil shook his head no and bite his lip. He so wished to do so.
« Then fear not, sweetie, I got your back. » they put back their sunglasses and carefully led Virgil to dance in swirls around the room, so that his next partner would have been Emile for sure.
« It's an experience to try. He's like, the most magnificent star I've ever met. »
« I know. » Virgil's tone was now more dreamy. « I've seen him everyday in front of me, I've been hoping to interact with him ever since I was little. »
« That sounds adorable, darling. Your wish is my command, humans use to wish upon stars, but it's truly only the Moon that hears them and guides them through their path. »
Remy noticed they were close to the partner change.
« One last question. What's your title? »
« Sirius B. I'm part of a binary star-system. » Virgil felt Remy's grip loosen on his hand and, slowly, he was let to someone else.
« Good luck, Virgil. »
Remy's nod was the last thing he saw before turning and finding Emile smiling down at him.
As for the Moon, he found himself dancing with Patton. « Ah! My favorite Nebula! »
« Hello Remy. » Patton giggled at Remy's extra antics. « I see you were talking to Virgil. »
« Yeah, the guy was totally scared. Like, girl, I know I'm a big deal, but you're starting to make me feel like royalty, that's going to feed my ego. » they let out a laugh, but composed themselves rather rapidly. « Say, he told me something that kind of left me perplexed. »
Oh, no.
Patton feared Virgil had disclosed his feelings, but he was pretty sure he wouldn't have been so ingenuous to reveal them to the Moon, of all presents.
« He seemed to express deep admiration for Emile. » was it really what he was thinking? « But he said he's in front of him? Like a childhood kind of admiration, you know? Someone you look up to ever since you're born. Weird, because last time I checked, Sirius B is in front of Sirius A. »
« Hold on. » Patton's eyes widened and the couple stopped in the middle of the room. « Are you telling me he hasn't been praising the Sun just because of all the stories about him, but because he has mistaken it for Roman? »
« Seems so. I wanted to let you know, in case there had been a misunderstanding. »
« Oh my gosh, Remy! » Patton pulled both of them out of the crowd. « That is fantastic news! »
« It is? Did I do a good job? Have I earned a gold star? » Remy smirked as the nebula laughed his heart out between his excitement and the pun.
They reached Roman in no time, who had decided to sit by himself during the entire night.
« You're not going to believe this, Ro! »
Patton took Roman's hands in his and smiled brightly as he narrated everything that had just happened with Remy's assistance when it came to what exactly happened between him and Virgil.
Despite now realizing that Virgil's feelings should have been directed at him, Roman's expression didn't differ.
« You do know that changes nothing, right? »
Patton's face fell. « Wh- »
« Pat, listen. Even if he'd mistaken his feelings for the wrong person, Virgil has still developed feelings for Emile, not for me. He isn't going to direct them towards me only because of a tiny mistake, it isn't how they work. »
Remy leaned over Patton. « Uh, I'm going to let you guys work this out, not because I'm jealous or whatever, promise. I don't wanna intrude. Hope you figure it out. » then they spared one last look for Roman. « But dude, why not tell him? He's still your friend, and he has only just met Emile, after feeding off of a false image of him. » then, the Moon shrugged. « But you do you, sir. Have a nice rest of the night. » with that, they disappeared.
« I won't force you, Ro. But do know that I support you. »
Roman didn't feel like having the same sharp daggers through his stomach again, yet a huge part of him was pulling him to his feet. With no other word, he let himself between the dancing couples.
And, of course, in no time he clasped hands with Zeta.
« Here for another lecture? »
« No, not tonight. »
Roman scoffed. « I thank you for blessing me. »
Silence fell between them as Roman caught sight of Virgil and the Sun. And their happiness. And how he had never made him smile so wide, how he had never made his eyes glimmer like that, how he hadn't gotten a single sparkle out of his cheeks the way he had had it on for the entirety of his dance with Emile.
Feeling under motivated, he looked away, deciding against intervening. Who was he to break his little dream?
Virgil really had been living his dream.
But everybody knows sometimes dreams tend to turn into nightmares.
« I'm glad I get to inspire the younger ones. » Emile made dancing feel natural. « Though I must ask you something as well, after seeing such adoration. » he looked in Virgil's eyes deeply. « Are you being true to yourself and honest with your feelings, Virgil? »
Agitation grew into him. « W-what would that mean? » he stuttered, his cover already blown.
« You don't have to lie about what you feel only because you fear the outcome. You already know that star in front of you is not me but it's Roman, you've known all along but you've masked it with me so Roman would have backed away thinking his interest was one sided. »
Virgil had never felt more read through in his entire life, like he had had the truth plastered on his face the entire time.
The guilt in his eyes told Emile he was spot on.
« Why is that so, little one? »
« Everybody knows what happens when two stars of a system collide they either become a single bigger star, or produce a black hole. » Virgil looked down. « I … I feared the outcome of our relationship. I figured if I made him step away, nothing like that would've happened. I didn't want to risk it. »
The Sun frowned. « You were ready to give up both of your happiness? »
« For the sake of potentially every star in this room? Yes. » he could taste his own sour words. « Nothing else matters. »
« Let me tell you something, Virgil. » Emile pulled them away from the crowd of dancers. « Usually, a black hole happens when there's a series of star collisions. A single star collision tends to merge the two stars into a supernova explosion. And yes, it is said that only one of the two will survive ultimately, but actually what survives is a mixture of the two. We call this a luminous red nova. This will only happen if your binary system ever experiences orbital decay. » Emil put a hand on Virgil's shoulder. « If you are careful about how you move and only meet during the sunrise and sunset dances, you're absolutely safe. Believe me. Okay? »
Virgil blinked a few times before stopping to bit his cheek and finally let a genuine smile creep on his face. « I do. I believe you. » he took a deep shaky breath, finally devoid of all the concerns in his mind. « Thank you. »
« Don't mention it, little one. Now, make me proud and go t- »
The Sun got interrupted by a loud crashing sound, like the sky had just broken up and started falling from the ceiling.
The two immediately looked behind themselves to find the most terrifying picture: every single star but one had been blown away, fallen to their feet as the only standing one started having a red aura around them. The luminous shade seemed to only grow wider and … warmer.
« Oh, Jupiter. This is not good. » Emile said as Virgil noticed Roman a few feet away from the standing star, staring wide eyed at them.
« What? What's going on? »
« It's Zeta Ophiuchi. » Emile slowly turned to Virgil, terror in his eyes. « It's turning into a Runaway star. »
✾✾✾✾
« So, what astronomers hypothesized up until now is that Zeta Ophiuchi had been previously part of a binary system itself, but its partner had exploded into a supernova, hurling Zeta at a very high speed through space. This is why they're called runaway stars. » Logan explained to Remus as he had been confused by the dramatic cliffhanger; he then turned to Janus. « That is fairly a very interesting way of portraying the beginning of a runaway star. I wonder what Roman had said to cause her to have that reaction. »
« Oh! I know! He rejected her. »
« Damn, » Janus furrowed his eyes at Remus. « You really don't like leaving some suspense here and there. »
« This is repay for when you told me you didn't know whether Roman was going to be okay. And he sure as hell doesn't sound okay now. »
Janus tucked his nephew into bed. « How about you sleep, you stinky little rat king? »
Remus whined. « You know that's my favorite nickname! I can't help but comply. » he suddenly lifted his hands. « Take me, arms of Orpheus. »
« It's Morpheus. » Logan pointed out.
« You're all boring. » he turned to the other side and, after half an hour, he gave out to his tiredness.
Ever since then, Logan started visiting whenever he could between shifts and free work days, sometimes he would stay for dinner, other times they would all watch movies together. Mostly Logan realized how he much had caught them in his heart and wanted to help around as much as it was possible for him.
Especially since that one other rather emotional night – again, in vino veritas – in which Janus had told him how hard it was to do everything on his own.
He obviously hadn't meant to ask Logan to do everything for him, but it was also a pretty important call for assistance and the astronomer was more than happy to fulfill the position.
« I apologize, » Janus had called from the hallway one evening. « Remus is having some trouble tonight, I'll be back in a minute, you can start watching anything if you'd like. »
It had been fairly twenty minutes since Janus had disappeared behind Remus's door: Logan couldn't help but be concerned, thus he got up, intending on asking whether some help was needed.
His purpose hadn't been to eavesdrop initially, really.
« Virgil had told Anguis that her stories were delightful, » Janus had told Remus as he stroked his hair. Remus's eyes were red and puffy. « He told her she should've pursued her dream and come to Earth to tell humans our adventures around space. He was the one to finally convince her, you know? She shined brighter than I had ever seen her. I was so happy she had made that choice. »
« I still am. I'm very glad we came to Earth. Even after everything that has happened, I couldn't imagine living million of years running through space without you. Without Logan. I'm happy to have fallen down here rather than be up there. »
« I still miss some stars, I miss Roman and Virgil very dearly … I had barely a chance to meet the others, but … I don't regret leaving them behind for this. »
Remus only stared at him, but seemed to nod and ultimately hug Janus tightly.
Logan couldn't make out what they murmured to each other, especially as he got lost in his thoughts.
So there were others?
« Oh- » he didn't notice Janus coming out of the room right after. « Oh f- Uh, how much did you hear? »
« Enough, I think. » Logan was still zoned out, which made him seem like he was completely uncaring.
« Well, uhm, you know how … stories you tell kids am I right? You pretend- »
« I'm an astronomer, Janus, » Logan begun, focusing on the other's eyes. « I know a lot about stars. I've seen you and Remus's faces literally light up. I also know stars can be people, you don't have to lie to me. » his tone was soothing, he still couldn't believe he had met another one. « I met one of you before, his name is Thomas. Thomas Sanders, to be specific. »
Janus's eyes widened. « The- The actor? »
« Exactly. I helped him out when he fell – right behind my house, to his luck – and as of now, we grew apart since he has been profoundly busy. We are still in contact, though. We actually meet up from time to time. »
« That … » Janus's expression was priceless, a mixture of disbelief and amazement. « I have no idea how to describe how I'm feeling right now.
Logan loved it so much.
« Thomas is writing a movie script as of now. He's given one of the characters my name. »
« You. » Janus pulled Logan away from the hallway. « Are, as of now, the coolest human being of my knowledge. »
They sat down on the couch, letting the TV show be their background noise.
« Why, I'm rather flattered. »
« Okay. » Janus took the glass of wine he had left on the table earlier, before taking a small sip out of it. « I'm ready. »
« For? »
« My actual life story. »
Logan tilted his head and laid back, ready to let the other talk. It had already been a stressful night, why not stay on theme?
« My sister and I were formerly two shooting stars. We used to travel through space and meet a wide range of stars, galaxies and planets. It was wonderful. Then we fell on Earth by choice. We quickly adapted to its customs somehow. Anguis and I met Clyde, they fell in love and I put my feelings aside in their favor, since … I heard my love isn't exactly condoned here. » he took another sip.
« When I told you she fell ill, it was actually her star self shutting down. She ultimately became stardust under our very own eyes. Clyde feared Remus and I would end up the same way, since even my nephew's part star. And then we were left alone. » he opened his arms. « I hope this tale entertained you as well. »
Logan didn't say anything before surging forward and taking Janus in a tight embrace. He wasn't intending on letting go anytime soon, especially when he felt his friend's sobs on his shoulder.
« What if it really happens? W-what if I lose Remus in the span of a week? I couldn't bear it. »
« What if you don't? What if he spends a wonderful fulfilling life thanks to the possibilities you're offering him? What if you get to see him grow old and spend all your last moments knowledgeable that he is happy thanks to you? Because never in your life the thought of abandoning him ever crossed your mind. »
Logan tightened his hug. « You are a spectacular guardian, Janus. Take it from someone who knows how it feels to be neglected. You have nothing to fear, and it's normal to feel doubtful every now and then. » he loosened it after, so he could look him in the eyes. « Whatever happens, you can face it like you have always done. Okay? »
Janus nodded and muttered a low okay, right after he almost didn't register Logan giving him a forehead kiss.
« I hope you will feel more free to tell me anything that bothers you, now that I know. »
« You're the only one I can turn to. » Janus smiled sadly, averting his eyes.
« Well then, » he took his hands and guided him on his feet. « I am honored to be at your service. Come, now. »
Logan took him to his bedroom so he could rest sooner, but as he helped him lay down, he felt something tug at his shirt. He turned and saw Janus's fingers laced on the fabric.
« Could you stay? » he drowsily asked, his voice barely audible like he was afraid to talk any louder, or at all.
Logan smiled softly and nodded; he proceeded to close the front door and turn off the lights for him. Afterwards, he laid next to the other and stroked his hair until he fell asleep.
He was confused.
Had he always felt attracted by him because of the star's pull, or were his feelings lying to him? Why did he care so much? Why did he want to do anything in his power to ease their lives?
Why hadn't he stopped to caress Janus's face and look at him as soon as he'd fallen asleep? Why would he rather have him in his arms like before?
He wanted to hold his hand longer, let him know he was there in case he had a nightmare.
Still, Janus had simply asked him to stay.
That he was going to do.
After that night, Logan had chosen to give Janus some more space. A few days had passed when he received a very welcome message from one of his acquaintances.
He was quick to text Janus about it as well: Thomas had just asked him if they could meet up that week, which would've been the perfect time for them to meet as well.
They could have also shared their experiences and get other stuff off of their chests, stuff only both of them would understand. Plus he was sure it would've been nice to have someone like you to talk to for instance.
Not even a minute after, Janus wrote back to him, talking about how excited he would've been to meet up with them as well.
It all led to one particular afternoon at a café, Logan had just introduced Janus and Remus to Thomas, who they found out used to be a very small galaxy on the brink of crashing and becoming a black hole. He lost all of his stars, but at least he saved himself.
He confessed he had a freckled pattern of them on his back.
It didn't surprise him how they clicked immediately.
Thomas talked about his project, this movie where he would talk to different aspects of his personality and work through issues about himself and grow as a person.
« The funniest bit about this is that I'm not human, thus I experienced the most childish dilemmas at an old age. » as Thomas chuckled, Janus was sure he had seen the galaxy's stars in his eyes twinkle as well.
« But enough about me, Logan told me you tell wonderful stories! » Thomas's eyes lit up immediately. « I also asked him a bit about you in general, and honestly dude. You give me major Disney villain vibes. »
Janus put a hand on his chest. « Why, thank you. »
Thomas chuckled. « I was thinking, would you like to contribute to a character I have in mind? He's pretty complex and I have a feeling your thinking would suit him amazingly. »
« Oh. » Janus's mouth hung open. « I … I don't know what to say- »
« Yes! Say yes, I want my character too! Can I have one? » Remus jumped out from his seat and leaned over Thomas as the other man giggled. « I want something gross! »
« I like your unusual thinking, kiddo. » Thomas rested his chin on his hand. « I do have an idea for a character correlated to intrusive thoughts … What's your favorite color, Remus? »
« Green! »
The former galaxy pulled out a notebook from his bag, taking down everything he had just learnt. « I can work with that. »
« Hey uncle, you think we could add Roman and Virgil too? Maybe even Patton? »
Janus cleared his throat, ready to say something similar to the fact that they shouldn't impose anything on Thomas, but was promptly cut off by the man himself as Logan told Remus he had had a wonderful idea.
« Oh? » a sly smile appeared on his lips. « Do tell me more about them? »
Janus scratched his neck and let his hand rest on his shoulder. « Uhm, it's kind of a long story, but it's about these two stars my sister and I met before falling on Earth. »
The former galaxy couldn't have seemed more intrigued: Remus came to the rescue, providing an insightful summary of the previous events, with Logan's assistance, justifying some space facts Thomas had forgotten during his life on Earth.
« You absolutely have to tell me more, dude. »
« As you wish, » Janus assumed his usual storytelling position on the café's seat, looking then both at his nephew and Logan. « Are you guys ready for the great finale? »
✾✾✾✾
In an instant, Virgil had found himself on the ground; Emile had thrown him down so the second blow of Zeta wouldn't have hit him as much, but the Sun kept running, aiming to protect the Moon with everything he had in his potential.
Virgil's every limb was trembling as he pulled himself up by the elbows, sliding forward until he reached something to sustain himself up: he looked around and saw the stupidest star in the galaxy doing the stupidest thing in the universe.
Roman was already standing, trying to coax whatever had caused Zeta to explode, without success.
« You! » she roared, as Emile and Remy started gathering stars around to let them out as fast as they could. « You are an hypocrite! After everything I've done for you! » there was another blow, to which Virgil reacted by doubling over again.
Roman stood still, which was permitted by his star's strength. « I'm sorry I can't reciprocate your feelings Zeta! I can't fake them either! »
« Shut up! »
As another blow hit the room, Virgil tried to slither on the floor the closest he could to the couple: it was then that he understood Roman was numbing down Zeta's crashing energy by taking all the blows on himself.
That idiot.
Roman made a false move by averting his gaze to Virgil on his right, rather than focusing on the soon-to-be runaway star. Zeta followed it, feeling the burning of her insides even stronger than before.
In that single second of haziness, chaos was unleashed.
They all had less than a second to react: Roman ducked to his right, using himself as a shield to protect Virgil, still disoriented by the previous blow.
A single hit from her curve and Virgil would've been detached from their binary system and become a runaway star as well.
Emile rapidly pushed Remy out of the palace along with the other stars, fearing for their well-being as he already knew the consequences Zeta was going to cause.
When he turned back, hearing the Moon's “wait!” before closing the entrance, she had already been violently circulating in the room, everything she hit crumbled to pieces, her final goal being the two stars that had caused her infinite dolence.
She had spiraled out of control.
« Roman! » Emile tried to avoid the falling bricks of marble in every direction, shielding his eyes from the dust. « We cannot withstand her power any longer, we have to leave! »
Virgil looked rapidly between the two, shortly glanced at where Zeta was heading and ran in her opposite direction, taking Roman's hand in his as the Sun went along them.
The entrance had already been blocked, thus there was a single emergency exit remaining: the balcony.
The three ran down the hallways, scrambling to their feet here and there everytime Zeta crashed into the walls and the ceiling, the lights already out.
Everything went wrong when Roman let go of Virgil's hand and locked him and Emile out of the hallway, free to run to their salvation.
They immediately turned to him.
« What the fuck do you think you're doing? » Virgil punched the glass door, while Roman's expression displayed determination and slight regret.
« I'm the strongest star between all of us. I can keep her at bay as you guys get to a safe location- Please, just let me do this. »
« Are you out of your mind?! And leave you in this crumbling place where you'd never get out alive? » Virgil powered up, his eyes and fists becoming pure light and fire. He punched the glassed entrance further, breaking it instantly this time.
Roman's eyes widened and he watched Virgil tug him down by the shirt.
« Don't you get it? It's you, you fool. It's always been you. » Virgil's voice sounded between desperate and on the verge of crying, in need to let out all of the words he'd never been able to before. « I had a hard time admitting it to myself because I was scared but it's always been you I loved. »
Roman couldn't quite believe the words he was hearing, thinking he had to be hallucinating after all the hits taken by Zeta. Tears welled up in his eyes before he could register them, he then raised a hand to cup Virgil's cheek.
« And now I don't care anymore. I don't care, either we die because of a black hole or for a runaway star, it doesn't matter! » he breathed in, hiccuping in the middle of it, before looking back up at Roman. « I will be with you, because I love you. I love you and I'm not scared. »
Roman felt hysterical, letting out a muffled laugh between his sobs. « I love you too. » he took Virgil's face in both his hands and pressed their lips together almost desperately. And there he knew there hadn't been a collision he would've wanted more than that one.
As they parted, Virgil turned to Emile, who had been trying to reduce the blows for as long as they could have some more minutes.
« Go. You're way too important. »
Roman nodded. « We will handle it. »
The Sun spared them one last look, one of those that meant everything from gratitude to the deepest admiration.
When he was gone, Virgil took Roman's hand yet again, maybe for the last time, he thought, and they ventured back in the halls together.
They tightened their grips the more the crashes became unsustainable.
Looking at the ceiling and up ahead, the two understood there was no way for them to progress any further. Roman placed them in front of a window, then he called Zeta to them.
As she inverted her course to reach them, the two embraced each other.
« Scared? » Roman murmured, looking in his eyes.
« Not one bit. » Virgil's soft and imperceptible smile was exactly what Roman would've wished to see last of him.
A blinding light surrounded them, both powering themselves up to take in Zeta's hit and protect each other as best as they could.
Then, the final blow came.
And everything turned dark as a black hole.
It didn't take much for the Sun and the Moon to reconstruct a palace for the sunset dance of the same day, apart from a small eclipse to be formed as the two worked together.
For the first time in forever, they took much longer to show up.
Remy and Emile kept each other's balance as they checked their previous half destroyed palace; the remains kept perfectly gravitating in the same place as before, as though the signs left by Zeta hadn't mattered or damaged them at all.
There was hope, they couldn't deny it, the kind of hope that set yourself up for disappointment.
It was on their third time of jumping around bits of pavement that they decided to give up, sure that there wasn't anything they had left behind.
On the Sun's hallway, where everything was unusually almost untouched, compared to the rest of the building, Remy held Emile's hands as he helped him down a pile of debris.
Something glowed from under their feet, reflecting its light on Remy's sunglasses for a brief moment: they immediately looked down and crouched as their partner curiously asked what he had noticed.
Remy inspected the marble rocks, until he felt some that had definitely a warmer temperature.
Either that was where Zeta had last gone, or …
« Help me take these away. » the Moon's resolute voice made Emile immediately comply.
There it was.
There they were.
Surrounded by a faint purple light, Virgil and Roman laid on the floor in each other's arms, unconscious.
Remy and Emile exchanged looks before lifting a star each and walking away from the desolate place.
Virgil's eyes opened as Emile and Remy parted in each other's new wings, his foggy vision permitted him to make out barely Roman's blacked out face in the distance.
« Ro- » Remy noticed him shifting in their arms. « Did I? No- » he whined, but the Moon shushed him kindly and, just like that he nodded off to sleep again.
Roman didn't comprehend why he had woken up in the Sun's room.
He pulled himself up from the bed, noticing how the room's seemed to have been re-decorated.
Like they had completely changed places.
It hit him in that exact moment, when he saw his ballroom clothes completely different, the pounding headache barely healed.
He made it?
Did that mean …?
Before he knew it, he was running in the hallway.
And someone was running towards him, hugging him on sight.
« For all the galaxies, Roman! » Patton squeezed him tight like he hadn't seen him in a billion eons. « That was not the right time to play the hero! » Patton pulled away that much to look him in the eyes. « I am so glad you're alive. » he then said, his voice as broken as the window he last remembered.
Canopus was right along him, but, differently from him or the Sun and Moon's warm expressions, she looked melancholy.
Roman had always suspected she had feelings for Zeta.
He approached her and took her hand in his. « I'm sorry. It's m- »
« She did it to herself. » she admitted, before looking up. « It would've been worse if you lied to her only to please her. » she displayed a sad smile. « I would've hated you only on that occasion. It's okay, Roman. I'm going to be alright. »
Roman realized he had underestimated Canopus's strength, but he was grateful he did.
And now, the big moment.
« Where …? »
« Where you already know. »
Emile and Remy parted to let a path behind them, which was leading to two massive golden doors.
Roman paced towards them, wasting no time in fiddling with the handles as he pushed them open.
If he ever had to imagine what happened to stars when they died, he wished it was exactly like that.
That palace's terrace was much bigger than the one they last saw Emile on; Virgil was waiting, looking at the sunset take place in front of him in the distance, unaware of his system partner.
He only turned around as he heard Roman sigh in relief at his sight.
As much as he wanted to run to him instantly, he kept one hand on the parapet and simply looked fondly at him as Roman stepped towards him.
Roman took his free hand and leaned on the rails as well, taking one quick glance at the beauty of nature.
He made slow movements, trying to realize whether or not Virgil was real, before circling him with his arms around Virgil's waist.
« Still not scared? » he whispered it like a secret between them.
Virgil's cheeks had already lit up as soon as he exited the ballroom. « I won't ever be anymore. » he confessed, resting his forehead against Roman's.
And it was true.
At last, he wasn't scared to touch him anymore.
At last, there were no more secrets to be uncovered.
At last, they could dance together.
✾✾✾✾
Silence followed Janus's last words: he waited for reactions, but all he saw were the three's gazes fixed on the table, Thomas's mouth ajar, like he had just made the deepest revelation.
« I- » Thomas looked back at the storyteller. « I loved everything you said. I loved every single word you pronounced, holy stars! » he tried to compose himself. « This is incredible. Just- Listen, this is going to sound very sudden, but- Would you ever consider being a script-writer with me? We could work on this movie together, your way of talking- I'm sure it would be just as wonderful if you wrote all of that down. Your words are magnificent! »
Janus had met him to be able to talk to someone like him, and there he was, being offered one of the most astounding jobs in his life.
He was stunned.
Remus hit his hands on the table. « Absolutely! » he answered in his uncle's stead. « Please, join my uncle! »
« I- » Janus's face broke into a wide smile. « It can be arranged, yes. » he laughed slightly. « I would love to! » he almost didn't notice Logan's hand in his.
He didn't definitely notice the astronomer's affectionate gaze, feeling not only butterflies but an entire species of animals running in his stomach at the sight of Janus's excitement.
Oh, how he loved the way his face lit up, how his eyes glimmered bright even on a sunny day.
« Wonderful cause I have plenty of new ideas! I might even consider Remy and Emile somewhere … »
The conversation went on, but Logan wasn't able to hear anything else other than how melodious Janus's voice sounded all of a sudden.
Janus couldn't stop talking about it even after they arrived back at the apartment, barely able to exit his car while Remus had already gone up the stairs and opened the door to let himself in.
« I just- For the Moon, Logan! A scriptwriter! Beside a famous actor who used to reside in space! » he had taken Logan's hand in his own. « I'm simply blown away! »
They stopped at the beginning of the stairs.
« Gosh, this is all thanks to you. » Janus looked up at him, sparkles all around him as he smiled fondly.
Logan's heart couldn't have possibly been happier, finding the sight extremely endearing.
When had they started hugging? He was so lost in his gaze …
« Your eyes are always so bright and glowy and beautiful. »
Janus blinked twice, his expression shifting slightly.
« It's like I could recognize every single constellation in them. »
He raised his hands to rest them on Logan's cheeks and brush them with his thumbs. « I love you. »
Janus leaned in and kissed him. « I love you so much. » he whispered before the other kissed him back, slowly.
They exchanged more, resonating they could never have enough, until they heard someone call from above.
« Is Logan going to be my new uncle?! »
They parted and looked up, seeing an excited Remus run around in excitement.
« Holy sh- »
« I knew it. »
✾✾✾✾
It was the day of the premiere of Thomas and Janus's movie.
The two were sitting next to Logan and Remus on the front seats, delightfully waiting for it to finally air for everybody else in the world.
Remus watched Thomas unable to stay silent one minute, his uncles holding hands, as their engagement rings glimmered in the semi-dark room.
He thought back of what life was before Logan came around, before Janus had started telling him stories of the people he and his mother had encountered.
Never would he have thought he would have been sitting in front of a soon-to-be bestseller movie's first airing, nearly two years after, with a new relative he deeply loved and new friends like him.
He hadn't known nothing of the sky.
But now he did.
Remus took Logan's hand and both he and Janus looked down at him, a genuine and caring smile on their faces as Thomas's voice echoed with the opening of the movie.
« What is up everybody?! »
He finally knew everything he needed to know.
#ts storytime 2020 submission#prinxiety#loceit#remile#patton sanders#sanders sides#purp's writings#ts fanfic#character thomas
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Dear Dream
I know I am so ridiculously late.
But hey, better late than never...
To NCT Dream,
The baby unit of NCT.
The unit of young souls tasked to bring hope and endurance to the world's youths.
The superior unit.
Your current average age is 19.5 years old… barely an adult.
Yet, you have a career that's gone strong for four years (and definitely still counting).
I am not a veteran of the KPop scene so I do not know if your 'formula' has been tried before i.e. a band comprising of literal teenagers to be the inspiration for an entire generation of youths. Most bands I knew had teenagers that were mostly above 16 when they debut and even so, there will be older members in the band.
When you started off in 2016, your oldest member was only 17 years old, and your youngest was 14!
It must have been surreal to have begun your journey as singers, dancers, performers and artists at such a young age!
The music/entertainment industry is very much an 'adult' world. Yet here you are, barely grazing adulthood but already trusted into the bright lights and blazing life of entertainment.
It must have been scary.
But you've made it.
One of you've graduated and became an adult. 4 of you've grown to become adults. One more has just reached his adulthood milestone. And then there's one left.
You guys have grown so, so much. And you guys have grown up so well. You need all the congratulations the world can offer.
You grew up in the limelight of the Kpop industry, in the new age of social media flurry, and in the unprecedented era of KPop world domination.
You grew up well, so well. You've made it.
Your journey is still long and for all the good things in this world, I hope your journey remains long and prosperous.
I have to say, I am very surprised for the affection I feel towards you.
I admit I was weary to 'get into' NCT Dream because of your ages. I felt very uncomfortable that you were very young. Jisung sweetheart, you are a decade my junior.
It felt very strange for me to see what I viewed as literal children to be thrown into limelight.
My experience with childhood stardom is very limited to the Hollywood scene. I've heard what exposure to stardom can do to children. Especially as they grow into teenagers and young adults. It's kinda scary.
But I forgot. Though you may be in the same 'industry' i.e. entertainment; your cultures are so vastly different.
Sure, there have been infamous stories too about the KPop entertainment industry. It is as notorious as Hollywood. There have definitely been stories about your company.
When you first debuted in 2016, I've been listening to KPop for about 4 years. I wasn't an avid fan nor that big of a multi stan. I was a fan of your seniors: EXO.
The change of OT12 to OT9 was definitely an experience for me and it was difficult not to see kpop in tainted lenses after that.
So when I found out that a group of 7 with an average age of just 15.7 years (not even 16!) was to be debuted, I was quick to dismiss it.
You were too young in my eyes.
1. It felt like exploitation.
2. Your concept was too bright for me to appreciate.
So I paid you no attention.
And honestly, I had not paid attention to your brother units either when they debuted (NCT U with the 7th Sense and NCT 127 with Firetruck).
My attention in NCT officially started in 2018, when NCT2018 started. I knew of NCT’s general concept and units, so I was aware of the existence of Dream. I saw you guys appear on Weekly Idol with your hyungs. And that's about it.
I remained fairly distant with Dream for some time, focusing mainly on NCT 127 as they gained momentum in their American debut with Regular.
I continued telling myself that you were too young for my taste. Furthermore, Mark and Haechan were the maknaes of 127, so that solidified my thinking of the seven of you as mere 'babies'.
But as the end of 2018 approached, two significant episodes occured that brought more of my attention to you.
First, Mark was graduating.
I still wasn't an avid fan let alone an NCTzen at that time. I did not keep up with your updates and I do not follow you on any social media platforms. My 'news' of NCT only came in the form of recommended videos on YouTube.
Somehow, Mark's graduation became significant enough to manifest as recommended content on my YouTube recommendations. I was aware of Dream's graduation concept and since I've not invested in the unit, it bothered me not.
The Dream Show happened but it is not exactly fully available online, so I wasn't really aware of its occurrence. I only knew that Mark had officially graduated because of the 'farewell' video on NCT's channel.
I still wasn't fazed much by this as I was generally accepting of the graduation concept. We all grow up and graduation is just part of life. Welcome to adulthood, champ.
What caught my attention was how affected fans were because of this. There were so many videos of 'why mark/7Dream will be missed'. I brushed it off, understanding that Dreamzens were teenagers and emotions run high in that life period.
Then the next major event happened: Haechan/Donghyuck's injury.
It was only at this time that I was fully aware of 'MarkHyuck'. I saw a glimpse of it before but I dismissed it. However, with Haechan out of commission, it spiked.
I am not a shipper. I don't really have that much of an interest in wanting the pairing to be together. But one thing I have definitely developed during this period, was the solid support of Mark's and Haechan's Best Friends Forever friendship.
Perhaps I was more open to the two of you compared to the rest of the Dreamies since I see you interact within 127 more. Perhaps I was more attentive because you both were in 127 and I was at that time paying attention to 127.
Either way, when fans started pointing out how sad it was that the BFFs had to split, I had a small 'aww' moment.
Then what made me went absolutely 🥺 was Mark's year end performances with the Dreamies but it was already 6Dream instead of full strength.
There was that one year end event when Dream performed 'We Go Up' and it appeared to be that Renjun seemed to be sniffling. Of course, fans were quick to interpret it as sadness and all started lamenting that it was the last performance of Mark with Dream in year end promotions but Mark's best friend wasn't there.
Wow, fans are dramatic.
I wasn't hooked but I felt the sadness. I know fans were just projecting their own emotions into what happened and we eventually found out that Renjun was sniffling because he had a nosebleed earlier, not because he was crying.
This somehow made me curious about Dream… and I guess that begun my journey in getting to know Dream.
I think partly because 127 was on tour in 2019 and it was their official tour. Partly also because WayV officially debuted in 2019. But NCT content was aplenty. I've also subscribed to the NCT channel at this point so my notifications were dinging all the time.
So naturally, with more exposure to NCT, comes more interest in knowing all of you.
I have never been the 'stan only one unit' type of fan. Remember, I officially got into NCT from NCT2018, when 18 of y'all are actively promoting. I am not afraid of your ‘big ass group’ concept.
So as my interest in NCT grows, I figured it was time to know every unit better then. With 127 busy with tour, they were already releasing the Hit the States series on top of their tour, and planning a comeback mid tour. I know content will be readily available. I just had to wait.
WayV was also new so LABEL V was pumping content heavily to promote them. Again, this means content is easily available.
What was missing, was Dream content. With Mark graduated, Haechan injured and then automatically roped in with 127 for their tour, where does that leave the other members?
So I got curious. I wanted to know more about Dream but there aren't current content. What do I do? Well, dig into past content.
Chewing Gum.
I have come across it before, a long time ago probably in 2016 when it first released. I dismissed it so fast, I did not watch it fully.
I think I was still fairly new to KPop and the 'cutesy' bubblegum pop concept did not sit well with me. So anything remotely adorable was dismissed.
Unfortunately, Chewing Gum was the epitome of cute. You guys were so small. So young! Your voices… 😅
However when I started getting into NCT and because I was eager to really learn about Dream, I sat through it. But barely. I kept cringing. Sorry.
After finishing it, I felt like I had done it injustice. But I still wanted to know more about you guys! So I changed tactics.
I started with We Go Up. At least I was familiar with it. And I didn't watch the videos. I just listened to the song. Slowly, I moved down to Go, We Young, My First and Last, and finally, Chewing Gum.
Honestly, it took me some time to get used to. Obviously Dream was very different from 127. So I really had to focus to listen to Dream.
I don't know what was the turning point. I don't recall what made me suddenly enjoy your content but it happened. I find myself looking forward to listening to your songs. I actually felt genuine unadulterated fun.
Chewing Gum got into my head and I kept hearing 'Ch-ch-ch-ch-chewing Gum' on replay in my head. I eventually succumbed and went to watch the M/V again. And this time, I enjoyed it! I still cringed, lol. But I was able to enjoy the song instead of let the overload of cute affect me.
I also came across the hoverboard version and BAM! I was awed.
I was very much the typical millennial that dismissed hoverboards as 'the new trend' that was too beneath my generation (*scoff* I am such an elitist).
So I knew it was trending and everywhere. But seeing these 7 teens actually performing synchronized choreography in addition to using a hoverboard without breaking a sweat, I was amazed. Omg, how? The dedication, the training, the effort!
It was then I thought that you guys weren't the usual teenagers I see on the street (whom I am so secretly terrified of btw). You guys are the dedicated hardworking types. The one I'm definitely intimidated by. Only because I never had the same drive when I was that age. (Pssst...There's jealousy in that too...)
I began thinking to myself, I've got to give them credit. I can't be an ageist. Just because I have my own issues and insecurities about being a lazy bum as a teenager, I shouldn't project it on these 7 teens who are already contracted to work and dedicate the rest of the young lives to their art.
That was how I started watching more NCT Dream content on YouTube. Your music videos, fancams, fanmade content etc.
I was slowly but surely falling for your charms.
I must also admit, at that period in time, I was fast becoming a big fan of Haechan.
Maybe due to his temporary break during his injury, I had a lot of 'missing you' content recommended to me. I clicked them all and really, I fell in love with his voice.
I had also then started following alot of NCT content on Twitter and IG. With 127 on tour and Haechan back in business with the North American tour, there were alot of celebratory tweets and IG posts about his comeback.
I knew Haechan was a vocalist but I suddenly saw an influx of his dance on my social media. It got me curious and I admit I watched quite a bit of Haechan fancam.
Then, it was announced NCT127 was coming for a concert to my country. And I went for it. My first concert in my 27 years of life. No regrets. I LOVED IT. Plus, my interest in Haechan soared too.
His dance break? In that one little segment? Was enough to sell me.
Highway to Heaven? Superhuman? YAAS.
And then mere days after the concert, We Boom happened.
And wow. We Boom era was a beautiful awakening for me.
You were all still teenagers, technically. Sure, the 00 liners we adults in Korea, but internationally, y'all haven't reached 20.
Still it didn't stop the multiple outpouring of congratulatory messages for all four of you in reaching adulthood.
So I figured if y'all see yourselves as adults, you're officially adults then.
And I think that was the mental barrier that had been putting me off. As much as I don't want to be one, I am sort of an ageist. It really took you 4 being 'official' adults plus one graduated member, for me to pass my own ageist thoughts before deciding you are more than talented.
Any who, with my increased interest in Haechan and my own moral dilemma out of the way, I started to genuinely enjoy your music.
First and foremost, I loved Haechan's look in We Boom era. Him in the suit, in the denim outfit, his hair up? Yes.
Secondly, Jeno and Jaemin. You are always together and even in your growth you are on par. I see the effort you're putting in your gym sessions…
Last but not least, Renjun. Hello, you turned fine. You had the mullet for a moment and I wasn't a huge fan but you still looked fine.
The 00 liners grew up good. I was barely into Dream but even I saw the differences. I was impressed and honestly, felt proud of you despite knowing none of you. Yet I felt affirmed that you’ve worked hard. And this was solely on your appearance alone.
We Boom was also my first journey in listening to your side tracks. And I loved every single one of them.
Again, the talk about graduation came back up. 4 members are meant to graduate by end 2019. What will become of NCT Dream?
We Boom is the first 6Dream album, will it be the last? It probably is?
We Boom had Best Friend and Dream Run. Somehow, it felt a lot like a goodbye message. A graduation gift in a sense. It made a lot of fans feel nostalgic for Mark. It made a lot of fans wonder the fate of Dream. You've worked hard, every single one of you. What's going to happen to all of that?
Soon, end of the year was approaching. However, there is still no news about Dream's fate.
BUT. SM decided to spring a Dream concert on the fans.
Some theories suggested it was to appease the fans who were getting antsy about the lack of news. Some suggested it was a ruse to give fans false hope before SM pulls the plug altogether on Dream. Some dreamt it was a sign they were continuing and not disbanding… soon there were (louder) chants for Dream to be a fixed unit.
I was never very bothered by the graduation concept as mentioned earlier. To me, even if the 00 liners had to graduate, I was fine. What I wasn't fine with: what is their next step?
The radio silence from SM was starting to err me. Fan worries online were also starting to get under my skin. Will Dream disband? As much as I love Haechan, I do admit it was unfair that only he has the clearest path. He had 127.
What about Jeno and Jaemin?
Jeno who had stepped up as the leader of the sextet. Who have so bravely led his team mates in his strong silent resilience.
Jaemin who is all smiles and love for his Czennies. Who had sat out an entire year of promotions to heal from a back injury and then dived straight back into their intense choreography and keeping up with his mates with smooth ease.
Then there were Renjun and Chenle; at least they had the possibility of WayV. And although that's a possibility that seemed so distant, at least it was possible.
Jisung was a rising dance machine. He raps well enough and has stable enough vocals that he has potential for a solo career if all goes south. Otherwise, he was still young enough to be able to sustain the Dream name, perhaps with a new set of members.
Either way, it was all the same. The future of these young teens were too uncertain.
Dream, you are seven youths with so much potential. This is solely on the pure fact that you are still so young. You've achieved so much but for your futures to be so vague felt extremely unfair.
And that's when I realise I will stand by Dream.
Sure, I used to gripe about our age differences. But then I realised it was your youth that I should be supporting. It was the idea of everlasting friendship that should be preserved here.
Dream was so very much 7 members that even with Mark graduated, in that whole year of him not promoting with Dream, it still felt like he was there because you guys are literal friends with each other. You are not just colleagues that will part at the end of the day once work is done. You're legitimate friends.
And that is what I want to protect.
Call me nostalgic or old but being in a period of time in my life where my social relationships are starting to change as my friends get married and become attached, or grow more interested in building a family rather than finding a cute boy, I must have projected my own feelings of loss onto Dream.
Aren't y'all suppose to be the embodiment of youth, hope and (pardon the pun) dreams?
The bulk of that was formed during my teenage years for me, in the bonds I've created with my own group of girlfriends. The five of us have been together since 13 years old and although we never had the same intensity of an emotional rollercoaster that comes with stardom, I understand the reluctance to let go of a friendship that has lasted so long.
When I see the Dreamies have fun, joking around and sassing around, I am reminded of my girlfriends when we laze about and sass during our staycation.
When I see the Dreamies tired and exhausted but still so present for each other during practice and rehearsals, I am reminded of my girlfriends and the days we studied together for our national exams.
When I see the Dreamies cry because of an uncertain future, I see my girlfriends worried about the next stage of our lives and the fear of being unprepared.
That homely dependence; the family reliance on one another… these are sentiments that actually my girlfriends and I may not exactly feel. For as much as we've been friends for so long, we've never really had a tumultuous lifestyle.
But the Dreamies, you did. You had to be away from family, practice from dusk till dawn, sacrificed school experiences for idolhood, lose out on a 'normal teenage life'.
Sure, you chose this life. You've made your beds and now you must lie in it. What's inspiring is: you're so willingly diligent in doing so.
That, I feel is your most praiseworthy trait.
And I understand that you were able to do this because you've had each other.
And I feel so proud of that friendship you’ve made with each other.
So Dream, congratulations on your fourth year. Congratulations on all your hard work and sacrifices.
Remember, you are still young. You do not owe the world anything but to live your young lives well.
You've made so many sacrifices and earned scars along the way. But you've become better and stronger with them.
You taught me to treasure the friendship I have made in my youth and perhaps a little lesson or two about mourning the loss of friendship.
I wish you all the best. I want to hug you so much and pat you on your heads. And yet at the same time show you off like a proud parent.
I am sure your parents are all proud of you. Every single one of you.
Keep up your good work. You are doing well.
Remember to rest when you need to. You are only human and doing your best can only be meaningful if you are well and healthy.
Congratulations on becoming 7Dream again, I look forward to your comeback.
Keep at it, keep smiling, keep singing, keep dancing.
To Mark Lee, thank you for being the diligent leader to the Dreamies. You've led them well. Hopefully they don't trouble you too much now that you're back.
To Lee Jeno, thank you for being the pillar and unwavering captain of the ship. You have a strong presence about you but yet so gentle and considerate.
To Huang Renjun, thank you for your wisdom and efforts. You put in so much work in reaching out to your fans and listening to their troubles and worries.
To Lee Haechan, thank you Full Sun. You have been so hard working, haven't you. I know you like being busy and I feel relieved that you know too that you should rest well. Keep shining, love.
To Na Jaemin, ohmygosh you are so precious. You are so loving and so sweet. You deserve all the happiness in the world for the magnitude of kindness and compassion you exude.
To Zhong Chenle, thank you for your hard work. You seem to be so effortless in covering and carrying the vocals of your songs together with Renjun. Yet you are always doing it with your boisterous laugh.
To Park Jisung, thank you for your youth. You've spent your entire childhood in the industry and made many sacrifices, more than peers of your same age. Thankfully you've gotten friendship with your team mates and I hope you'll continue to receive all the love and support.
With love.
#NCT#nct dream#nct dream anniversary#nct mark#nct jeno#nct renjun#nct haechan#nct jaemin#nct chenle#nct jisung#yo dream#dear dream
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The Dahrijus cult -- The story behind the cult behind Darius Valentis.
Questions answered:
Why is it named after Dahrijus?
What is the meaning after Dahrijus?
What exact event lead to the development of this cult?
What main events are done within the very cult?
How much involvement does the cult leader have?
Who are the main leaders behind this?
Additionally, mentions of other characters:
Jay Erblindet (briefly, due to association with Darius as friends)
Kei Ueda -- Mother of Kyoko Ruujin (member)
Ren Valentis -- Daughter of Darius, core of the story
Mother of Ren Valentis -- Ceremony partner of Darius (part of the core story)
Why is it named after Dahrijus?
What is the meaning after Dahrijus?
It is in reference to the name of the deity that was behind human sexuality, one that perfectly resembles in appearance to the Darius we are all familiar with.
Coincidentally enough, Darius’s original name is exactly that.
He changed it when he was able to do so legally due to difficulty writing it and simply wanting to go for a simplistic version of his documented name.
What exact event lead to the development of this cult?
Darius was approached by the elders -- founders of the the very cult during his teens. The group itself dedicated their time to find a man to be carrying the exact name and the search wasn’t a long process. They had some ability to access a particular piece of a database and gathered enough information to locate individuals exactly named Dahrijus. With few names in records, they took few years in research for the exact person they were seeking for.
While doubtful at first to find Darius, one elder did recognize the structure of his face while comparing to one of the paintings depicting the deity as a younger man.
There was no need to pressure the teenager into leading this cult with the assistance of the founders -- As the young man, as though fated to remain in a terrible position within his life, did seek for comfort within a group that focused on him in the perception of a deity. What madman wouldn’t be seduced by the offer to be treated at a high pedestal when you were always treated like the misery of your father?
While few years of learning and managing the cult altogether there was a high increase of a God complex, that eventually faded once his daughter was born through a ceremony in the very same cult. The ceremony was simply a sexual intercourse between two older teenagers, in the hopes to conceive a deity child so the family of deities could continue.
Although to their failure, the child simply became a regular wolf girl and carried no signs of potentially being a deity. This left the organization puzzled but their dedication towards Darius remained ever since. Assisting with parenting the girl for a time until their leader chose to disconnect his own daughter from these grounds and provide her a normal life.
With these two mains events in mind, It sealed the family of Dahrijus and were motivated to find more followers to believe in him. In the hopes to be provided with pleasures within their body, life in the afterlife.
What main events are done within the very cult?
There are three layers behind the activities of this community. First and second layers are the ones more familiar with the majority of the members, meanwhile the third one is more familiar with the founders and the leader.
It’s UNKNOWN what occurs in the third layers activities, within the deepest ends of the dungeon that was built underground of the mansion owned by the sect.
The first layer pact rumor the possibility that their leader had a brief period were he may have possibly consumed people under the skin of a snake demon. They theorize the fact that It may have been a particular ceremony that was supposed to be performed within the scripts ( the same scripts that allowed Darius to develop the ability to form into a snake demon ) in the hopes to achieve the desired level of a deity.
The first layer of the group are behind finding potential followers through a variety of means that are more secretive and subtle, as well as managing funds, healthcare towards all groups of the cult.
The second layer, also named as the ‘ pleasure haven ‘ -- Are the smaller, yet better known group that are behind sexual inter-courses performed in the mansion. Considering the fact that the cult originates from believing after the deity that provides sexual pleasures, It’s no surprise that they have introduced the idea of such activities in the hopes to please their deity-leader.
While originally Darius was flustered with the idea, eventually he was seduced with the idea and was fed with appraisal of his frame to participate in these done events. In current time he has little participation, but with enough convincing he will fall into the arms of the one that encouraged him to misbehave with them.
With that in mind, It’s not a process done only with the leader -- Other cult members are free to engage in these activities with one another. No layer of sects are excluded from this opportunity.
Who are the main leaders behind this?
Darius, as we all know -- Is the leader that was given such title once he was found and brought into the grounds of his second ‘ home ‘.
' Medusa ' -- A given name by the other members, to reference to the mythology. She seemed to have stunned the cultist leader with her beauty. Always seen in bright red lipstick and dyed electric, blue hair. Her eyes carry very little glimmer in her eyes, yet seems as though she is the one that cheers up the temperaments of other members ...
' Member 2 ' -- Does not define himself with a name for unknown reason. A man in his early fifties, with gruff hands due to experience as a wood sculptor. Carries a heavy Scandinavian accent.
' Right man hand '-- A self-proclaimed title given by the man himself, finding himself as the only purposeful founder of the sect. The one behind finding Darius himself, a man who now falls into the age range of 70 to 75 years in age. Carries a golden ring at his index finger of the left hand, a small ouroboros tattoo at his right hand.
In addition to all of this:
Jay Erblindet, a friend of Darius Valentis and the adoptive father of Seiko Valentis -- Has even paid visit to the mansion were the sect runs and have seen the majority of the layers and how they perform their activities. While offers to engage in the second layer activities were tempting, he chose not to.
He’s simply aware of it and leaves Darius be with it. He is aware It is not a healthy approach to have the leader reconsider dismantling something they have built when they grew attachment towards a community. There is a possibility the leader himself would drop contact when his built ‘ family ‘ would be in danger in some way.
Kei Ueda-Ryuujin is the mother of Kyoko Ryuujin. She is a first and second layer member, gifted the opportunity to be in either layers due to her frame and ability to manage funding or provide suggestions when needing improvements for teachings.
There is a probability that Kei has fallen in love with Darius ever since coincidentally participating in the beginning stage of the cult and chose to devout herself to the religion in the hopes to get closer with the main individual behind all of this.
Ren Valentis -- Is the daughter of Darius Valentis. A preadolescent girl who carries the similar genes of her uncle -- The genes of a wolf demon, carrying the exact shade and tone of canine ears and a tail. She was conceived when Darius was in between being 15-16 years in age.
The early, few months she was raised by the hands of the elders along with her father, but eventually Darius chose to raise her in a normal living situation. She has no recollection nor remote idea of cult happenings by her father, although she recognizes the scents of the founders; due to few visits in the past.
The mother -- No longer affiliated with the cult and has her own life, although still chose to co-parent with the father in the means to help her past partner and improve the development of her own daughter. She is an East asian woman with a darker complexion. She lives in Fukui, Japan.
Not much else is known about her.
#cult lore#darius#darius - mention#jay - mention#seiko - mention#dahrijus cult#( edited 2020.09.08 )#( Another NPC OC has been mentioned since I've found information about her from my older files. )
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CASTLE KEEP: An Analysis
Few movies resonate as deeply with me as Castle Keep.
It is truly sui generis.
It’s a deceptively simple story:
In the waning days of WWII, eight walking wounded American soldiers occupy a castle in Belgium, a token sign of force as the war rages past them.
The castle belongs to a noble family who owned it for generations and stocked it with a vast collection of priceless rare and irreplaceable classical art.
The current count wants to keep his castle and his collection intact, but he also wants a son to carry on the family name and tradition.
He is, unfortunately, impotent.
And even more unfortunately, the castle is located in the Ardennes forest, on the road to Bastogne…
Now, those raw elements are more than enough to fuel a perfectly good run of the mill WWII movie, with plenty of bang-bang-shoot-em-up and some obligatory musings on the meaning of it all.
And I’m sure that’s the way they pitched Castle Keep.
But director Sydney Pollack and screenwriters Daniel Taradash and David Rayfiel (adapting the eponymous novel by William Eastlake) delivered something far more…well…phantasmagorical is as apt a way of describing it as any.
Because despite being solid grounded in a real time and a real place and a real event, Castle Keep moves out of the realm of mere history and into a much more magical place.
Not so much fact, as fable.
And as fable, it gets closer to the Truth.
. . .
Before we analyze the movie, let’s set the contextual stage.
First off, understand the impact WWII movies still had on audiences of the 1960s and early 70s.
For those who lived through the war years, it occurred scarcely more than 20 years earlier, a period that seems like forever to teenagers and young adults but flies past in the blink of an eye when one reaches middle age and beyond.
Not only were WWII movies popular, they were relatively easy to make. A lot of countries still used operational Allied and German equipment up through the 1960s (Spain’s air force stood in for the Luftwaffe in 1969’s The Battle Of Britain), and for low budget black and white films or pre-living color TV, ample archival and stock footage padded things out.
Most importantly, WWII was a shared experience insofar as younger audiences grew up hearing from their parents what it was like, and as a result there was some degree of relatability between the Greatest Generation and their children, the Boomers.
But the times, they were a’changin’ as Dylan sang, and the rise of the counter-culture in the 1960s and the civil rights, feminist, and ant-Vietnam War movements (and boy howdy, is that a hot of history crammed into one sentence but you’re just gonna hafta roll with me on this one, folks; we’ll examine that era in greater detail at some point in the future but not today, not today…) led to younger audiences looking at WWII with fresh eyes and to older film makers re-evaluating their own experiences.
So to focus on WWII films of the time, understand their were 3 main threads running through the era:
The epic re-enactment typified by The Longest Day (1961), The Battle Of The Bulge (1965), Patton (1970), and ending with A Bridge Too Far in 1977
The cynical revisionism of The Dirty Dozen (1967), Where Eagles Dare (1968), and Kelly’s Heroes (1970)*
The absurdity of How I Won The War (1967) and Catch-22 (1970)
Castle Keep brushes past all those sub-genres, though it comes closest to absurdity.
. . .
While released in 1969, Castle Keep started development as early as 1966 (the novel saw print in 1965). Burt Lancaster, attached early on as the star, requested Sydney Pollack as director.
Pollack, an established TV director, started making a name for himself in the mid-1960s with films like The Slender Thread and This Property Is Condemned; he and Lancaster worked together on The Scalphunters prior to Castle Keep.
While his first three films were well received, Pollack’s career really took off with his fifth movie, They Shoot Horses, Don’t They? and after that it was a string of unbroken successes including Jeremiah Johnson, The Way We Were, The Three Days Of The Condor, Tootsie, Out Of Africa, and many, many more.
In fact, the only apparent dud in the barrel is Castle Keep, his fourth movie.
Castle Keep arrived at an…uh…interesting juncture in American (and worldwide) cinema history.
The old studio system that served Hollywood so well unraveled at the seams, the old way of doing business and making movies just didn’t seem to work anymore.
Conversely, the new style wasn’t winning that many fans, either.
For every big hit like Easy Rider there were dozens of films like Candy and Puzzle Of A Downfall Child and Play It As It Lays and Alex In Wonderland.
As I commented at the time, it seemed as if everybody in Hollywood had forgotten how to make movies.
It was a period rife with experimentation, but the thing about experiments is that they don’t always work. While there were some astonishingly good films in this era, by and large it’s difficult for modern audiences to fully appreciate what the experimental films of the era were trying to do -- and in no small part because when they succeeded, the experiments became part of the cinematic language, but when they failed…
Castle Keep is not a perfect film. As much as I love it, I need to acknowledge its flaws.
The Red Queen brothel sequences feel extraneous, not really worked into the film. Women are often treated like eye candy in male dominated war films, but this is exceptionally so. Brothels and prostitution certainly existed during WWII, servicing both sides and all comers, but the Red Queen’s ladies undercut points the film makes elsewhere.
Their participation in the penultimate battle shifts the film -- however briefly -- from the absurd to the ridiculous, and apparently negative audience testing resulted in a shot being inserted showing them alive and well and cheering despite a German tank blasting their establishment just a few moments earlier.
Likewise, an action sequence in the middle of the film where a German airplane is shot down also seems like studio pressure to add a little action to the first two-thirds of the movie.
Apparently unable to obtain a Luftwaffe fighter of the era, Pollack and the producers opted for an observation aircraft, then outfitted it with forward firing machine guns, something such aircraft never carried.
Once the airplane spotted the American soldiers at the castle, it would have flown away to avoid being shot down, not return again and again in futile strafing runs while they returned fire.
It’s action for the sake of action, and like the Red Queen scenes actually undercuts other points the film makes.
. . .
But when the film works, ah, it works gloriously…
Pollack used a style common in films of the late 1960s and early 70s: Jump cuts from one time and place to another, with no optical transition or establishing shot to signal the jump to the audience.
Star Wars brought the old school style of film making back in a big way, and ya know what? Old school works; it was lessons learned the hard way and by long experience.
Still, Pollack’s jump cuts add to Castle Keep’s dreamy, almost hallucinogenic ambiance, and that in turn reinforces the sense of fable that permeates the film.
For as historically accurate as Castle Keep is re the Battle of the Bulge, as noted above it is not operating in naturalism but rather the theater of myth and magic.
Pollack prefigures this early on with a dreamy slow motion sequence of cloaked riders galloping through the dead trees of the Ardennes forest, jumping a fence directly in front of the jeep carrying Major Falconer (Burt Lancaster) and his walking wounded squad.
It’s a sequence similar to one in Roger Vadim’s "Metzengerstein" segment of 1968’s Spirits Of The Dead, and while it’s unlikely Pollack found direct inspiration from Vadim, clearly both drew from the same mythic well.
The sequence serves as an introduction to the count (Jean-Pierre Aumont) and Therese his wife (? Niece? Sister? Nobody in the movie seems 100% sure what their relationship is, but she’s played by Astrid Heeren) and the fabulous Castle Maldorais.
The castle is fabulous in more ways than one. While the exterior was a free standing full scale outdoor set and some large interior sets were built, many of the most magnificent scenes were filmed in other real locations to show off genuine works of art found in other European castles.
This adds to the film’s somewhat disjointed feel, but that disjointed feel contributes to the dream-like quality of the story.
. . .
As mentioned, Maldorais is crammed to the gills with priceless art, and the count doesn’t care who prevails so long as the art is unmolested.
The same can’t be said about Therese, however, and as the film’s narrator and aspiring author, Private Allistair Piersall Benjamin (Al Freeman Jr.), notes “We occupied the castle. No one knows when the major occupied the countess.”
The count, as noted, is impotent. To keep Castle Maldorais intact for future generations, he needs an heir and is not fussy about how he obtains one. Therese’s function is to produce such an heir, and if the count isn’t particular about which side wins, neither is he particular about which side produces the next generation.
Despite being the narrator and (spoiler!) sole American survivor at the end of the film, Pvt. Benjamin is not the focal character of the film, nor -- surprise-surprise -- is Lancaster’s Maj. Falconer.
Falconer is evocative of Colonel Richard Cantwell in Ernest Hemingway’s Across The River And Into The Trees, in particular regarding his love affair with a woman many years his junior.
Falconer wears a patch over his right eye, the only visible sign of wounding among the GIs occupying the castle.
Several military movie buffs think they found a continuity error in Castle Keep insofar as Maj. Falconer first appears in standard issue officer fatigues of the era, but towards the end and particularly in the climactic battle wears an airborne officer’s combat uniform.
This isn’t an error, I think, but a clue as to Falconer’s personal history.
An airborne (i.e., paratrooper) officer who lost an eye is unfit for combat, and if well enough to serve would be assigned garrison duty, not a front line command.
Falconer figures out very early in Castle Keep the strategic importance of Castle Maldorais re the impending German attack and very consciously makes a decision to stand and fight rather than fall back to the relative safety of Bastogne.
Donning his old airborne uniform makes perfect sense under such circumstances.
If the count is impotent invisibly, Falconer is visibly impotent -- in both senses of the word -- and sees his chance to make one last heroic stand against the oncoming Nazi army as a surer way of restoring his symbolically lost manhood than in impregnating Therese.**
. . .
Before examining our focal character, a few words on the supporting cast.
Peter Falk is Sgt. Rossi, a baker. Sgt. Rossi’s exact wounding is never made clear, but it appears he suffers from some form of shell shock (as they called PTSD at the time).
He hears things, in particular a scream that only he hears three times during the movie.
The first time is after an opening montage of beautiful works of art being destroyed in a series of explosions. When a bird-like gargoyle is blow apart, a screech is heard on the soundtrack, and we abruptly jump cut to Maj. Falconer and Sgt. Rossi and the rest of the squad on their way to Castle Maldorais.
For a movie as profoundly philosophical as Castle Keep (more on that in a bit), Sgt. Rossi is the only actual philosopher in the group. His philosophy is of an earthy bent, and filtered through his own PTSD, but he’s clearly thinking.
Rossi briefly deserts the squad to take up with the local baker’s wife (Olga Bisera, identified only as Bisera in the credits). This is not adultery or cuckoldry; Rossi sees her bakery, knocks, and identifies himself as a baker.
“And I am a baker’s wife,” she says.
“Where’s the baker?”
“Gone.”
And with that Rossi moves in, fulfilling all the duties required of a baker (including, however briefly, standing in as a father figure for her son).
The baker’s wife is the only female character who displays any real personal agentry in the film, Therese and the Red Queen and her ladies are there simply to do the bidding of whichever male is present.
This is a problem with most male-oriented war films, and especially so for late 60s / early 70s cinema of any kind; for all the idealistic talk of equality and self-realization, female characters tended to be treated more cavalierly in films of that era than in previous generations. Olga Bisera’s character appears noteworthy only in comparison to the other female characters in the movie.
Pvt. Benjamin, our narrator and aspiring author, is African-American. There is virtually no reference made to his race in the film, certainly not as much as the references to a Native American character’s ethnicity.
Today this would be seen as an example of color blind casting; back in 1969 it was a pretty visually explicit point.
Again, it serves the mythic feel of the movie. At that time, African-American enlisted personnel would not be serving in an integrated unit.
While Castle Keep never brings the topic up, the film -- and Pvt. Benjamin’s narration -- indicates these eight men are bottom of the barrel scrapings, sent where they can do the least amount of damage, and otherwise forgotten by the powers that be.
With that reading, Benjamin’s presence is easy to understand. As the apparently third most educated member of the unit (Falconer and our focal character are the other two), he probably would not have been a smooth fit in any unit he’d been assigned to.
Whatever got him yanked out of his old company and placed under Maj. Falconer’s command probably was as much a relief to his superiors as it was to him.
Scott Wilson is Corporal Clearboy, a cowboy with a hatred of Army jeeps and an unholy love for Volkswagens.
Volkswagens actually appeared in Germany before the start of WWII but once Hitler came out swinging those factories were converted to military production. Nonetheless, the basic Beetle was around during the war, and commandeered and used by many Allied soldiers who found one.
Clearboy’s Volkswagen provides one of the funniest bits in the movie, and one that plays on the mythical / surreal / magic realism of the film. Clearboy’s obsession is oddly touching.
Tony Bill’s Lieutenant Amberjack tips us early on to the kind of cinematic experience we’re in for. Under the opening credits, Amberjack is asked if he ever studied for the ministry; Amberjack says he did.
“Then why aren’t you a chaplain?”
-- and Amberjack bursts out laughing.
Amberjack does not go with the others to the Red Queen -- “That’s for enlisted men” -- and while he enjoys playing the count’s organ, by that I mean he literally sits down at the keyboard and plays music.
But as we’ll see, Castle Keep is not the sort of movie to shy away from sly hints. Amberjack’s specific “wound” is never discussed, so it’s open to speculation as to why he’s assigned to Maj. Falconer’s squad.
(Siderbar: Following a successful acting career, Bill went on to produce and direct several motion pictures, sharing a Best Picture Oscar for The Sting with Michael and Julia Phillips.)
Elk, the token Native American character in every WWII squad movie, is played by James Patterson. Elk doesn’t get much to do in the film, though Patterson was an award winning Broadway actor. Tragically, he died of cancer a few years after making Castle Keep.
Another character with little to do is Michael Conrad’s Sergeant DeVaca. Most audiences today remember him for his role in Hill Street Blues.
Astrid Heeren (Therese) gets a typically thankless role for films of this type in that era. She possessed a beautiful face that’s so symmetrical it gives off an unearthly, almost frightening vibe. A fashion model in the 1960s, she appeared in only four movies -- this one, The Thomas Crown Affair, and two sleaze fests -- before quitting the business.
As noted above, no one is ever quite sure what her exact relationship to the count is. Towards the end it’s speculated she’s his sister and his wife, but since the count is impotent, does that really constitute incest?
Whatever she is, it’s clear the count considers her nothing more than an oven in which to bake a new heir, and in a very real sense she possesses less freedom and personal agentry than the ladies of the Red Queen.
At least she survives at the end of the film, pregnant with Falconer’s child, led to safety by Pvt. Benjamin.
Finally, Bruce Dern as Lieutenant Billy Byron Bix, a wigged out walking wounded who is not a member of Falconer’s squad.
Bix leads his own rag tag group of GIs, equally addled soldiers who proclaim their newly found evangelical fervor renders them conscientious objectors. They wander about, singing hymns and scrounging for survival, until the penultimate battle of the film.
Falconer, trying to recruit more defenders from the retreating American forces, dragoons Bix and his followers into singing a hymn in the hopes of luring some of the shell shocked GIs back to the keep.
Bix agrees -- and is almost immediately killed by a shell, not only thwarting Falconer’s plan but also raising the question of whether this was divine punishment for abandoning his pacifist ways, fate decreeing Falconer and his squad must stand alone, or pure random chance.
Dern, as always, is a delight to watch, and he and Falk get a funny scene where they argue about singing hymns at night.
. . .
So who is our focal character?
Patrick O’Neil was one of those journeymen actors who never get the big breakout role that makes them a star, but worked regularly and well.
He worked on Broadway, guest starred on TV a lot, starred in a couple of minor films (including the delightful sci-fi / spy comedy Matchless), but spent most of his movie career supporting other stars.
Castle Keep is his finest performance.
He’s supposed to be supporting Lancaster in Castle Keep, but dang, he’s the heart and soul of the film.
O’Neil plays Captain Lionel Beckman, Falconer’s second in command, a professor of art and literature whose name is well known enough to be recognized by the count.
Besides Falconer, Beckman is the only character explicitly acknowledged as having been wounded; this is revealed when Falconer mentions Beckman won the Bronze Star (the second highest award for bravery) and the Purple Heart.
Beckman is enthralled by Castle Maldorais; he and the count strike up a respectful if not friendly relationship.
He sees and appreciates the cultural significance of Castle Maldorais’ artistic treasures and futilely tries to share his love of same with the enlisted men.
He also understands how little Falconer can do at the castle to slow the German advance, and makes the entirely reasonable suggestion that perhaps it would be best for the squad and the castle to retreat and let the treasures remain intact.
Lancaster reportedly wanted to make Castle Keep a comment on the Vietnam War, but the reality is there’s no adequate comparison.
History shows the Nazis were a brutal, aggressive, racist force determined to conquer all they could and destroy the rest.
Beckman is not a fool for wanting to spare the castle and its art, and that’s why he’s vital as the film’s focal character.
He sees and feels for us the horror at what appears to be the senseless waste about to befall the men and the castle. His voice is necessary to express there are ideals worth fighting for, and there are times when not fighting is the best strategy.
But Maj. Falconer is shown as a good officer. While he maintains an aloof attitude of command, he’s interested in and concerned about the men under him, he’s willing to be lenient if circumstances permit, and he keeps them openly and honestly informed at all times of the situation facing them.
He figures out the meaning of the flares seen early in the film, anticipates what the German line of attack will be, but most importantly realizes more will die and more destruction will occur if the Nazis aren’t resisted.
He and Beckman’s difference of opinion is not simplistic good vs evil, brute vs beauty, but a deeper, and ultimately more ineffable one over applying value in our lives.
Falconer and Beckman represent two entirely different yet equally valid and equally human points of view of when and how we decide to act on those values.
Falconer by himself cannot tell the story of Castle Keep, he needs the sounding board of Beckman, and only Beckman can bridge the gap between those opposing values for the audience.
. . .
Before we go further, a brief compare & contrast on an earlier Burt Lancaster film, The Train (1964).
It touches on a theme similar to Castle Keep: As Allied armies advance on Paris, the Germans plan to move a vast collection of priceless art by rail from France to Germany. Lancaster, a member of a French resistance cell, doesn’t see the military value of stopping the train, but when other members of his cell decide to do so in order to save French culture, he reluctantly joins their efforts.
The film ends with the train stopped, the French hostages massacred, the art abandoned and strewn about by the fleeing Germans. Lancaster confronts and shoots the German officer responsible then leaves, dismayed and disgusted by the waste of human life over an abstract love of beauty.
The French resistance fighters who died trying to stop the train did so of their own fully informed consent; they knew the risks, we willing to take them, ad faced the consequences.
The civilian hostages massacred at the end had no knowledge, much less any say in the reason why their lives were risked. Lancaster, in successfully derailing the train to prevent it leaving France, also signs their death warrants when the vengeful Nazis turn on their victims.
The Train proved a critical success and did well at the box office, yet while it raises a lot of interesting points and issues, it ultimately isn’t as deep or as humane as Castle Keep.
The Train ends with a bitter sense of futility.
Castle Keep ends with a bittersweet sense of sacrifice.
. . .
All of which brings us to the screenplay of Castle Keep, written by Daniel Taradash and David Rayfiel off the novel by William Eastlake.
I read Eastlake’s book decades ago and remember it to be a good story.
The screenplay kept the basic plot but built wonderfully off the complexity of the novel, reinterpreting it for the screen.
It’s one of the few cinematic adaptations of a good literary work that actually improves on the original.
Taradash was a classic old school Hollywood screenwriter with a string of bona fide hits and classics to his credit including From Here To Eternity (1952), Picnic (1955), and Hawaii (1966). He also scripted the interesting misfire Morituri (1965), about an Allied double-agent attempting to sabotage a German freighter trying to get vital supplies back to the fatherland.
I suspect Taradash was the studio’s first choice for adapting the book, and as his credits show, an eminently suitable one.
But when Pollack came on as the director, he also brought along David Rayfiel, a frequent collaborator with him on other films.
Rayfiel’s career as a screenwriter was shorter than Tardash’s but more intense, vacillating between quality films and well crafted potboilers. Rayfiel and Pollack doubtlessly shaped the final form of the screenplay, and despite what appears to he studio interference, turned in a truly memorable piece of work.
As I said, Castle Keep is truly sui generis, but there are other films and screenplays that carry some of the same flavor.
The Stunt Man (1980; directed by Richard Rush, screenplay by Rush and Lawrence B. Marcus off the novel by Paul Brodeur) bears certain similarities in tone and approach to Castle Keep. It represents an evolution of the cinematic style originally found in Pollack’s film, now refined and polished to fit mainstream expectations.
True, it has the advantage of a story that hinges on sudden / swift / disorienting changes, but it still managed to pull those effects off more smoothly than the films of the late 1960s did.
As I said, some experiments work…
Castle Keep’s screenplay works more like Plato’s dialogs than a traditional film script.
Almost every line in it is a philosophical statement or question of some sort, and underlying everything in the film is each character’s quest for at least some kind of understanding if not actual meaning in life.
As noted, Sgt. Rossi is the most philosophical of these characters, though his philosophy is of a far earthier, more pragmatic variety than that of the count, Falconer, or Beckman.
All the major characters have some sort of philosophical bent, even if they’re not self-aware enough to recognize it in themselves.
The dialog is elliptical, less interested in baldly stating something that in getting the audience to tease out its own meanings.
Pollack directs the film in a way that forces the audience to fill in many blanks.
Early in the movie, Falconer and the count find themselves being stalked by a German patrol. They take refuge in a gazebo, duck as the Germans fire the first few shots --
-- then we abruptly jump to the aftermath of the firefight, with Falconer and the count standing over the bodies of four dead Germans.
Falconer, seeing they’re all enlisted men, realizes they wouldn’t come this far behind enemy lines without an officer.
There can be only one destination for the officer, one goal he seeks…
Pollack then visually cuts away from Falconer and the count to Therese in the castle, but keeps the two men’s dialog going as a voice over.
In the voice over, we heard Falconer stalk and kill the German officer as he approaches the castle…
…and without ever explicitly stating it, the audience comes to realize the count and Therese are not allies of the Americans, that they are playing only for their own side, and that their values are alien to those of both the Allies and the Germans.
The count is using Therese -- with or without her consent -- to produce an offspring for him, and if the Germans can’t do the job, let the Americans have a go at it…
This theme provides an undercurrent for Beckman’s interactions with the count. Beckman would like to believe the count’s desire to keep the war away from Castle Maldorais is just a desire to preserve the art and beauty in it, but the count’s motives are purely selfish.
He doesn’t desire to share his treasures with the world but keep them for his own private enjoyment.
The works of art are as good as gone once they pass through Castle Maldorais’ gate.
Later, at the start of the climactic battle for the castle, the count is seen guiding German troops into a secret tunnel that leads under the moat to the castle itself.
Falconer, having anticipated this, blows up the tunnel with the Germans in it. Through Falconer’s binoculars, we see the Germans shoot the count in the distance, his body collapsing soundlessly into the snow.
A conventional war film would show his death in satisfying close up, but Pollack puts him distantly removed from the Americans he sought to betray, and even the Germans he inadvertently betrayed.
It shows him going down, alone, in a cold and sterile and soundless environment, his greed for beauty scant comfort for his last breaths.
The film portrays the Germans as mostly faceless, seen only in death or at a distance, rushing and firing at the camera.
The one exception is a brief scene where Lt. Amberjack and Sgt. Rossi patrol the forest around the castle.
Amberjack, playing a flute he acquired at the castle, catches the attention of a German -- a former music student -- hiding in the nearby bushes.
The unseen German compliments Amberjack on his playing, but says if he’ll toss him the flute he’ll fix it so it plays better.
And the German is true to the word. Unseen in the bushes, he smooths out some of the holes on the flute and tosses it back to Amberjack.
Amberjack thanks him --
-- and Sgt. Rossi shoots him.
“Why did you kill him?”
Amberjack demands.
“It’s what we do for a living,”
says Rossi, ever the philosopher.
. . .
Castle Keep isn’t a film for everyone.
It offers no pat answers, no firm convictions, no unassailable truths.
It’s open to a wide variety of interpretations, and the audiences that saw it first in 1969 approached it from a far different worldview than we see it today.
It isn’t for everyone, but for the ones it is for, it will be a rich meal, not a popcorn snack.
Currently available on Amazon Prime.
© Buzz Dixon
* I’d include M*A*S*H (1970) in this group even thought (a) it’s set in the Korean War and (b) it’s really about Vietnam. Except for the helicopters, however, M*A*S*H uses the same uniforms / weapons / vehicles as WWII films; for today’s audiences there’s no discernable difference from a WWII-era film. It was a toss-up between putting this in the cynical revisionism or absurdity class, but in the end M*A*S*H is just too self-aware, too smirking to fit among the latter.
** Falconer’s relationship with Therese and (indirectly) the count and the castle also harkens back to a 1965 Charlton Heston film, The War Lord, arguably the finest medieval siege warfare movie ever made. Like Falconer, Heston’s Norman knight must defend a strategic Flemish keep against a Viking chieftain attacking to rescue his young son held hostage by the Normans; complicating matters is Heston’s knight taking undue advantage of his droit du seigneur over a local bride which leads to the locals -- whom the Normans are supposed to be protecting from the Vikings -- helping their former raiders. Life gets messy when you don’t keep your chain mail zipped.
#Castle Keep#Sydney Pollack#Burt Lancaster#war#World War II#movies#movie stars#philosophy#morality#ethics#art#beauty#Daniel Taradash#David Rayfiel#screenwriting#writing
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LMAO I forgot there are people who don’t know that talia al-ghul had sex with jason todd
that’s like people not knowing nightwing once kissed catwoman
this came up because https://shewhotellsstories.tumblr.com reblogged this
https://incorrectbatfamiliaquotes.tumblr.com/post/180702420910/jason-todd-i-hadnt-felt-that-messed-up-mentally
and their tags were basically asking did talia commit a statutory rape upon jason
and I realized wow people really don’t know that story and have zero context.
so I want to clarify just what happened between talia and jason
for the record, I’m not justifying what happens, I’m just explaining the events as they occurred.
(warning: this gets long)
SO!
in red hood the lost days we’re shown what jason todd was doing in between getting resurrected, crawling out of his grave, and terrorizing batman when he comes back to gotham as red hood.
where was he?
with talia al-ghul
what was he doing?
getting training from the best teachers she picked out for him
and then killing the ones who turned out to be morally corrupt.
after crawling out of his grave, jason spent 5 months wandering around, then hospitalized, then back to wandering the streets before the al-ghuls found him and brought him to one of their compounds
then after a year of trying and failing to figure out how he came back from the dead, ra’s deemed jason a lost cause. jason had shown that he was a master combatant but he wasn’t all there, not mentally. now this could be because of the obvious trauma he’d been through, and an effect of being resurrected & being described as half dead. it’s very possible he had brain damage, and probably never would have recovered completely or maybe he would have, over a period of several years.
but talia didn’t have that option. ra’s forbid her to tell batman that his son was in her care and custody. and he decided that jason would leave them and be cared for in secret, since in his eyes he wasn’t improving.
so talia sped up the process. she shoved jason into her father’s lazarus pit, gave him a survival kit, and helped him escape the al-ghul compound.
why? why do all this? well it’s implied that talia hoped to restore jason to the boy he once was, then she’d return him to batman who would be grateful in kind and love talia back.
but it’s pointed out that the chances of that happening aren’t high, and that the longer talia kept jason from bruce, the more likely it would be that bruce would be angry with her for keeping his son from him and not letting him know jason was alive.
after the dip in the lazarus pit, jason’s mental faculties are back to working order, and the pits healing factor works on his body as well, giving him a very late growth spurt.
it’s believed the lazarus pit made jason go “crazy” when he went on his vengeance driven kill spree but all it did for him mentally was undo his brain damage, throughout lost days and under the red hood jason’s got a clear moral stance and is driven by anger. yes he’s violent, but he’s coherent.
after reconnecting with talia, jason tells her he wants to kill batman for not avenging him and asks for her help, which she gives, while also stalling him by insisting he gain training in a variety of fields.
which he does. he’s an incredibly fast learner.
during that time, talia helps jason financially, paying for his livelihood and his teachers that she picks out for him
as his goals change, during the story he meets with talia on several occasions, telling her of his progress and plans. she’s a major part of his life, but he’s left to his own devices.
at the end of the series, talia tells jason that her father is dead by batman’s hand, and encourages him to gain vengeance on bruce, for slights made against him and her.
she then pulls jason towards her, and kisses him. he kisses her back, they fall to the bed, making out, and they have sex.
since up until that point jason had been focusing on training, and no mention of any love interests are made, there’s no reason to think he would have had penetrative sex before this, so it’s pretty clear that talia takes jason’s virginity. and yes, virginity is a social construct but for the narrative’s sake let’s call it what it is.
now, when jason comes back from the dead, it’s 6 months after he’s been buried.
at that point, jason was 15
in red hood the lost days it’s clear that a couple years pass between talia helping jason escape, his training, and the time they have sex.
so the timeline is, 15-16, being taken care of by talia, going on the run, deciding to murder batman
16-17, training from different teachers, learning new skills batman hadn’t taught him
18, giving up on murdering batman, and choosing to enact revenge instead, then talia takes his virginity
(for reference, he’s two years older than tim drake who was 16 when jason came back to gotham in under the red hood, so at the end of lost days jason is 18)
here is jason with talia in issue 1
look at how small and tiny he is. just like the malnourished robin he once was. he’s 15 at this point.
this is them in issue 2
he’s clearly older here, but not by much, he’s at least 16.
and here they are in issue 3, you can see jason’s aging, he’s either still 16 or he’s 17
and in issue 4, he’s either a late 17 or an early 18 here at this point in the story.
sidenote, jason with long hair and scruff is a LOOK!
and this is the Moment where they have sex in issue 6 when jason is 18
and the aftermath
I’m pretty sure that’s a condom wrapper next to the phone.
compare jason in issue 1 to issue 6. he goes from a teen to an adult, and the transitions are obvious.
NOW
let’s get into the why.
it’s clear that talia is most likely using jason to get at bruce, but along the way she grows to care for jason.
it should be noted that at that point jason is still emotionally a mess from everything, and talia is dealing with her father’s death, so they’re two compromised individuals seeking comfort in one another. it’s cathartic. but that doesn’t make it healthy.
from the ages of 15 to 18 talia is jason’s primary caretaker. she doesn’t raise him, she’s not his mother, not biologically, legally, or technically. but she is a mother figure to him.
and talia is significantly older than jason, being in either her late 20s or early 30s
they aren’t unaware of their connection through batman, talia being his ex and jason being his adopted son
basically their having sex is a literal and figurative way of saying ‘screw you’ to the man
so their connection through bruce, age difference, power imbalanced relationship in the lost days story line, and their emotionally vulnerable states means that their having sex is unhealthy and it’s meant to be seen that way, it’s not supposed to be “hot” or good.
talia throughout the story manipulates jason into being the type of man bruce refuses to be, one who kills without hesitation.
but I wouldn’t say she takes advantage of him, not in the way you’d assume.
this isn’t a grooming situation, talia manipulates jason emotionally but not sexually. it’s messed up, we’re not contesting that
however, we will say that jason todd is legally an adult when talia has sex with him and it’s clear that it’s consensual on both their parts
jason’s not in a good head space when it happens but he is an adult physically, mentally and emotionally.
it’s not statutory rape or incestuous, but it is very very messed up.
the closest comparison I can make is, imagine during stephanie brown’s batgirl run when she was an 18 year old college student and wasn’t dating tim drake at the time, if bruce wayne found himself attracted to her and had sex with stephanie brown in spite of her being his son’s ex girlfriend who tim obviously was still in love with and would never be over, bruce being significantly older than stephanie, not acting as a father figure towards her, but a mentor of sorts over the years, and bruce knowing stephanie since she was a 14 year old teenage girl. illegal? no. messed up? very.
I’m aware an 18 year old jason’s not going to have the same maturity level as someone older, he’s still growing, but that’s not the point here.
it’s consensual and legal sure
but it’s also unhealthy and messed up for the reasons listed above
it’s interesting, that jason wanting to find his biological mother was the major catalyst that drove him to the events that led to his death, and after he rose from the dead he found a mother figure in talia
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KARMA FILES: SuXXess 2020 - MONEY & POWER
CAPRICORN
MONEY: With Jupiter, Saturn and Pluto currently all in Capricorn internal/external changes are inevitable. At the end of these cycles, people will see you in a different light and you’ll be a different person than you were before these cycles began. Pluto is the last planet to leave your sign, January 22nd 2024. Most likely, by this time career change will have happened and you will find it easier to slip into a new role/persona to accommodate the many new beginnings that occur as a result.
Your house of work, health, service to Self and others, is also going to be greatly affected this year. Venus will be in Gemini, the sign that is in this house, April 4th - August 8th. This is a time to create money making ideas, write them down and build a structure. If you can get anything started before Venus retrogrades, May 13th - June 25th, you have a chance of success and monetary reward. However, during the retrograde cycle it is not advisable to start any new project, it will not attract the attention you want for a sustained period of time or give you the financial reward expected. Any new partnerships formed will not work out either, because you and those involved will not be on the same page. Wait until the end of the year, when the retrograde season is over before starting anything of this nature. Venus in Gemini also indicates it will important to take care of not only health/well-being but appearance to. People will be watching and paying more attention to presentation - a key to your success.
The Nodes of the Moon will also be changing to North Node Gemini, South Node Sagittarius,May 6th - January 19th 2022. This transit affects everyone and individuals, representing major karma that needs to be overcome (Sagittarius) in order to reap the benefits of the North Node in Gemini.
Throughout this cycle, you’ll be learning new things to enhance existing talents and be in a position to communicate them to others in a way that helps individuals incorporate improved wellness on all levels of life. Offers to Travel could also be an added bonus as your recognition grows. To get to this point you have to be honest about mistakes made in the past and work hard to overcome the karma created. At the same time learning to see clearly, who is a friend/enemy, people who have your best interests at heart. A positive attitude/faith in your own abilities would work wonders to empower/push you forward, after all Capricorn is the symbol of the Goat climbing the mountain, persevering against all odds, achieving the impossible.
Avoid allowing pessimism, criticism and negative opinions from certain individuals cloud your judgment, getting in the way of personal progress. Their negativity will only old you back.
Saturn will be moving into Aquarius and your house of money, material possessions, self-worth and personal resources, March 21st - July 1st, then permanently, December 18th - March 8th 2023. During this time, it’s important that you work harder at self-worth, self esteem and confidence about your individual earning power, as a result of developing unique talents. The more creative you are, thinking “outside of the box”, the more financially rewarding your efforts will be. You can’t be all things to all people and there will be those who will criticize or wish you to fail in your growth and expansion towards new directions. These individuals must be left behind.
Once Jupiter moves into this house to join Saturn, December 20th -May 14th 2021, all the hard work you’ve put in throughout 2020 will start to pay-off, this is why it’s important for you to keep going, no matter what.
2020 is about building new foundations for success, using latent talents within, yet to be made visible. Remember, find a need and fill it, so the Universe can show you its abundance.
POWER: The Full Moon Super Moon in Virgo, March 9th, indicated the end of a certain direction you’ve been moving towards in the area of work. This door closing will now leave room for new ones to open. By this time you should have realized you must serve Self as much as you’ve serve others, nothing less will do. Therefore, from this day on, your needs should also be a priority. The ideologies you lived by no longer work. It’s time to renew your mind and get rid outdated molds of thought, replacing them with something simple, practical and worthwhile. Expanding your perspective and consciousness will help you see the bigger picture and possibilities available to you. Reach out and make yourself aware of the latest trends, what the public likes and new cycles coming up over the horizon.
The Full Moon/Super Moon in Libra April 7th, highlights the end of a partnership with certain individuals in authority/power, possibly female or involve working with women/public. If the partnership doesn’t end, the structure of it will, so be ready to move on, or at least accommodate the change if necessary. It’s time for you to present yourself in a more powerful format, so events that occur around this time are a sign from the Universe to prepare for bigger and better opportunities coming your way.
Jupiter is in Capricorn until December 19th, magnifying strengths/weaknesses. Jupiter rewards when the work is done to strengthen the weak areas of Self and life. Therefore don’t run away from looking within. Jupiter is also the Protector of the zodiac, therefore as long as you work with this vibration and move with the Universe you’l be guided away from potential sabotage/saboteurs.
2020 is a year of the Phoenix for Capricorn, the mountain goat getting closer to the top of the mountain. the Universe will be there to help you along the way, but you must be open, wiling and able to hear the Sound of the Universe (meditation) and listen to you inner voice.. These will be your guides.
KARMA FILE
In 2020 when you ask yourself “why is this happening to me”, the Cause can be linked back to a chain of sequences occurring centuries ago. If you can accept the fact that in some distant place or time, you demonstrated actions that have now come into full Affect in your life now, it’ll be easier to make life better and heal the past. Through deep meditation, possible past life regression when and/if you’re ready to go down that road, you can dig deep to find out the truth of certain events. It takes a tremendous amount of courage, personal integrity and honesty to accept the reality and fact of personal responsibility/involvement , thatt created a not very positive scenario in one’s life. However, this is the only way that healing can begin to occur. Knowing the Truth will set you free.
AQUARIUS
MONEY: With Neptune in Pisces, February 4th 2012 - March 31st 2025, affecting the house of money, material possessions, self-worth and personal resources, your creative skills to come up with money-making ideas will be at its peak. Dreams, meditations etc., will provide an abundance of insight into prospective plans, especially of a visual nature. Write everything down . At the same time, old formats of making money will dissolve during this cycle. When Neptune retrogrades, June 23rd - November 28th, be careful of being imposed upon financially, people trying to steal your ideas and individuals who take and give nothing back in return. This would be a good time to fine-tune existing projects to make the structure stronger. Regardless of how outlandish your visions may seem, try to find the courage and self-worth to at least try to make them tangible. There will be those who will “chip away” at your self-esteem, in an attempt to make you feel you have nothing worthwhile to offer, knowing full well that you do.
The eclipse in your house of work, health, service to Self and others would have made an impact in this area of life. The full Moon Lunar Eclipse in Cancer, January 10th, ended the way you felt about the work you had been doing up to this point, leaving room for you to embark upon a new course/direction. The New Moon Solar Eclipse inCancer, June 21st, highlights a new beginning of fulfillment, putting your needs first. Finding alternatives/answers to existing problems you’e currently faced with. Joint financial partnerships would have also changed around the time of the Full Moon/Super Moon in Virgo March 9th.
When Mercury retrogrades in this house, June 18th - July 10th, the focus should be on creating a healthy environment for work. Surrounding yourself with people who don’t cause unnecessary stress/difficulties, affecting your well-being overall. Don’t get too worried if work/money aren’t meeting expectations, because 2020 is a year of many retrogrades. This means you have to avoid implementing anything new until the cycles are in direct motion, fixing underlying weaknesses that would delay the successful outcome of your projects.
The Full Moon/Super Moon in Libra, April 7th, highlights a change fo direction and people you’ve been working with in some capacity, especially if of a legal nature. The Universe is trying to open new doors of opportunity, so that new individuals who can help you to the next level, come into your life.
The financial landscape for 2020 is one of building for the future using unique creative skills and ideas. What you do now has the potential to reap tremendous financial reward. Jupiter moves into Aquarius on December 20th - May 14th 2021. This is a longer than normal Jupiter cycle, bringing unexpected events, good luck and surprises. Jupiter is a magnifying glass and always highlights strengths/weaknesses. Therefore, as mentioned earlier, what you do now, determines the success of the Jupiter in Aquarius transit.
POWER: The big change this year is Saturn moving into Aquarius, March 21st - July 1st, then permanently, December 18th - June 25th. Your talents in dealing with people and the masses will be at its peak, because Saturn in Aquarius is a strong combination. Leadership positions will present themselves as you demonstrate foresight to see/know what needs to be done and what the public wants. The entertainment world, politics and inventing new concepts/ideas for the future are all areas of expertise that could present themselves during this transit. Aquarius is the sign of the future and with Saturn providing the discipline and focus, you’ll have the necessary character traits to be successful presenting new concepts for the future.
In addition, the power/support will be there to overcome hindrances, obstacles, difficulties and people who don’t have your best interests at heart, especially during the Saturn in Aquarius retrograde, May 11th - July 1st. It will seem as if the “mountain” you face are insurmountable. However, bear in mind, that blocks/resistances to your goals will prove to be beneficial and instill many valuable lessons. During the retrograde, gather new knowledge to enhance what you already know, while researching new ideas. Once Jupiter joins Saturn in Aquarius, December 20th, restrictions will start to be lifted, bringing new people and opening doors of opportunity.
Planetary Nodes of the Moon will change May 6th - January 19th 2022. The South Node changes to Sagittarius, in your house of groups, friends, hopes and wishes. The North Node changes to Gemini, in your house of creative, risks, childhood, happiness and love. This is a transit that affects everyone on some level and the planet as a whole. Individually, this will be time to move away from unscrupulous people who have misled you in some capacity with their dishonesty. As a result, the success of certain hopes and wishes was stalled. The challenge is to see these people for who and what they are, trusting instincts. Over the next two years you’ll be motivated to do your own things, your way and not be dependent on others to do things for you. This may involve learning new skills, but you can do it and be successful in your own right. At lest you’ll be the one primarily responsible for your own success, which is the path the Universe is leading you towards.
When Mars retrogrades in Aries, September 9th - November 13th, you may feel you have to take action with projects, plans and ideas., but this is probably one of the worst times to start anything. It will seem to be the right thing to do at the time, but conflict and difficulties will affect a positive outcome. Wait until the end of the year/January 2021 before implementation. In the meantime, make your plans solid.
When Venus moves into Gemini, April 4th - August 8th, your focus will be on presenting what you have offer, making it pleasing to the eye and Self too. Anything yo can do to enhance the visual aspects of your creative projects and personal image, will be an important factor to later success. Ideas you’ve had since childhood will also come to the forefront again. Make sure you have an intellectual rapport with people who seem interested in your projects and spend wisely on items that you need. During the Venus retrograde, May 13th - June 25th. Pay more attention to the impact your projects have on others and make necessary changes. Opportunity to work in entertainment and/or artistic worlds could present themselves, but wait until the retrograde cycles are over before saying yea, because success will be short-lived, if it happens at all during the retrograde and financial reward unlikely.
Finally, Uranus in Taurus, March 7th 2019 - July 7th 2025, is affecting home, family, foundation of life. A sudden turn of events may lead to a move in addition to disruption in the family.hiome environment. If a move is necessary tread with care, it may only be temporary. Everything that occurs during this cycle, is for the purpose of removing stagnation that seems to have set in. Be honest with Self and look at the state of things in this part of your life. It may even mean you have to part company with certain people and go it alone, in order to achieve greater prosperity. You can’t take everyone with you, taking into consideration everyone grows at their own pace.
All the astrology aspects of 2020 are gearing you for major changes to take place in your life. On some level they maybe “earthquakes”, depending on how stuck you’ve become. A year for you to start becoming your own person, following the “beat of your own drum”, regardless of what others think you should or shouldn’t be doing. Deep down you know what you want to do and how to do it, therefore allow your instincts and the Universe to be your guide, then success/empowerment will be yours.
KARMA FILE
Try not to live in fear of the difficulties/hardships that lay ahead. Everything that a person has to endure can be overcome, as the Universe never presents these “tests” without knowing, full well, that each person has the ability to confront and overcome them. It’s only our own insecurity, fear and doubt that gets in the way. Therefore, in 2020, develop greater internal strength and empowerment to deal with the karma in your life now and on the horizon. Karma is always just, even if it doesn’t appear to be. Take heart, knowing that everyone receives the “fruits of their labors”, one way or another. No-one escapes Natural Law. Following the Golden Rule this year will ensure that the future is brighter than current experiences. The light really is at the end of the tunnel.
PISCES
MONEY: Neptune in your sign February 14th 2012 - March 31st 2025, is having a great affect on how you present Self to the world and how the world sees you. Events that occur throughout this cycle, will “lift the veil”, showing you the truth/reality of what has been going on in and around your life. The true colors of certain individuals will be made known, leading to disappointment, because they didn’t do the right thing or live up to expectations. This will be a very sobering time for Pisces, leading you to change on a deep level finding the courage to stand up for what you believe to be true and know is right. Valuable possessions could also be mislaid. The Universe is helping Pisces to become stronger in dealing with life challenges and the world in general, by removing the “rose-colored glasses” and seeing people/situations for who and what they are. Avoid quickly giving people qualities they don’t have. Learn that trust must be earned.
You have a very vivid imagination and the capacity to see what others don’t see when it comes to creativity. This, ability, when developed and controlled, correctly, can be a powerful asset to making money. The Universe is trying to “teach “ you this during the Neptune in Pisces cycle. Be courageous and bring your ideas into a tangible format, (Neptune retrograde June 23rd - November 28th). surprising everyone with your vision, December thereafter.
Mars moves into Aries, June 29h - January 7th 2021, heralding a cycle of being motivated and encouraged to find new ways to make money. Just don’t be too impulsive, especially during Mars retrograde, September 9th - November 13th. Your ideas are good, but timing is everything and the deciding factor between failure and success, especially with 2020 being am intense retrograde year.
The Full Moon/Lunar Eclipse in Cancer, January 10th, will have changed the way you feel about creative projects you’ve been working on up to that time, asking Self whether or not you were happy doing them, probably not. When the New Moon/Solar Eclipse in Cancer June 21st arrives, you will be ready for something new and already have ideas in mind. Listen to your inner voice, it’ll tell you if you’re on the right track or not. When Mercury retrograde in Cancer June 18th - July 10th, You may feel yourself being pulled back into the past and/or people from the past re-emerging. Don’t get caught up in anything from the past unless it’s unresolved karma, in which case, confront it and then move on.
Uranus in Taurus March 7th 2019 - July 7th 2025, will shake the foundations of projects, plans, communication, business and ideas, getting rid of all and everything that isn’t prosperous and won’t bring prosperity into your life. How you share information to the world will be altered and brought more up-to-date. You should move towards the direction the Universe is guiding you, if success is your goal. This means your foundation of life, home. family environment will also change during this time.
The Full Moon/Super Moon in Libra, April 7th, will bring an end to a certain joint financial partnership and/or legal matter, that hasn’t been the most positive. Remember, as one door closes another will open.
POWER: The planetary Nodes will be changing May 6th - January 19th 2022. The South Node will move to Sagittarius and the North Node to Gemini. Sagittarius sits in your house of career, goals, ambitions, authority and power, influencing you to overcome struggles to preserve security, structures of identity, work, career, goals and ambitions. Shifting your focus to long-term prosperity instead of short-term prosperity. A chance to improve what you have gained so far. The Gemini North Node in your house of home, family, foundation of life, highlights the ability to come up with new ideas, that solve problems you’re faced with in this area of life. Communicating to the right people who can and will help/support.
The Full Moon Lunar Eclipse in Sagittarius June 5th, will be the start of this cycle and an indication of what is to come and the direction you need to take, You may also benefit from past commitments, friends and experiences. In fact what every occurs at this time will have long-term consequences.
The Full Moon/Lunar Eclipse in Gemini November 30th, influences and ending to communication, ideas plans and business that have affected your foundation of life in a negative way. It’ll be a chance for you to verbalize your thoughts/feelings on certain issues that need clarification.
The New Moon/Lunar Eclipse in Sagittarius December 14th, will open the door to really start afresh in the right direction to make goals and ambitions a reality, with a solid structure to give support. People will also be more wiling to help.
Last but not least, iIn your house of groups, friends, hopes and wishes Pluto, Saturn, Jupiter are all bringing upheaval to this area of life. Pluto has been in Capricorn since December 27th 2008 and stays there until January 22nd 2024. During this time any undermining, dishonest dealings, whether from you or others will be brought to light. The Universe is “cleaning house”, removing fear, insecurity doubts At the same time with Saturn joining Pluto December 21st 2017 - December 17th 2017, the energy of Karma is now in this part of life. You will find, as a result people you thought of as friends, did not have your best interests at heart and vice versa. A time to heal, it would be wise to do so, especially with Jupiter currently in Capricorn until December 19th 2020., magnifying all of the above . The retrogrades of these signs will be the most important cycles to work through the karma, Pluto retrograde in Capricorn, April 25th - October 4th, Saturn retrograde in Capricorn July 2nd - September 29th and Jupiter retrograde in Capricorn, May 14th - September 12th. The Universe is trying to transform hopes and wishes into something greater, more unique and powerful. while highlighting the fact that there are those who don’t wish you well (vice versa), that stand in the way of success. Be honest and truthful about your intent/feelings to friends and acquaintances, and they should give you the same courtesy. Being karmically correct isn’t easy but necessary when you understand that for every Cause there is an Affect and for every action there is a reaction.
This could be a very powerful year for Pisces, if you’re able to find the courage to confront karma, Self and those who don’t have your best interests at heart.
By dong this your true creative potential can be unleashed to the world. visions made tangible and financial prosperity a reality.
KARMA FILE
You must decide in 2020 and probably through deep meditation, whether the path you’re on at this time in the area of career/ambition is the right one. If you feel a strong pull towards a certain line of work, ask Self honestly, if this form of employment makes you feel happy/fulfilled. You’re repeating past lives of doing something that you were good at in the past and received reasonable recognition. If you prefer doingt something new, follow that path. The choice is yours. Just remember that if you choose this familiar direction, you must also learn from the mistakes that were made. At east if you want the career to be a success.
#capriconr money#capricorn power#capricorn karma#aquarius money#aquarius power#aquarius karma#pisces money#pisces power#pisces karma#success 2020 suxxess 2020#karma files#karma in astrology#karma in horoscopes#understanding karma#definition of karma
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LET'S TALK ABOUT SPORTS
Sports and recreation
A number of sports introduced by the Americans in the early 20th century enjoy great popularity in the Philippines. Basketball is particularly prominent, with amateur games occurring regularly in neighbourhoods throughout the country. The Philippines has also fielded formidable national teams for the World Basketball Championships. Tennis, golf, and various aquatic sports such as diving and windsurfing are widely practiced.
Sport(s) is all forms of usually competitive physical activity which, through casual or organised participation, aim to use, maintain or improve physical ability and skills while providing entertainment to participants, and in some cases, spectators.
Hundreds of sports exist, from those requiring only two participants, through to those with hundreds of simultaneous participants, either in teams or competing as individuals.
Sport is generally recognised as activities which are based in physical athleticism or physical dexterity, with the largest major competitions such as the Olympic Games admitting only sports meeting this definition, and other organisations such as the Council of Europe using definitions precluding activities without a physical element from classification as sports.
However, a number of competitive, but non-physical, activities claim recognition as mind sports.
The International Olympic Committee (through ARISF) recognises both chess and bridge as bona fide sports, and SportAccord, the international sports federation association, recognises five non-physical sports, although limits the amount of mind games which can be admitted as sports.
Sports are usually governed by a set of rules or customs, which serve to ensure fair competition, and allow consistent adjudication of the winner.
Winning can be determined by physical events such as scoring goals or crossing a line first, or by the determination of judges who are scoring elements of the sporting performance, including objective or subjective measures such as technical performance or artistic impression.
In organised sport, records of performance are often kept, and for popular sports, this information may be widely announced or reported in sport news.
In addition, sport is a major source of entertainment for non-participants, with spectator sports drawing large crowds to venues, and reaching wider audiences through sports broadcasting.
Filipinos have excelled in various internationally competitive martial arts, including boxing, wushu, and tae kwon do, while local Filipino martial arts traditions have experienced a resurgence since the end of the 20th century. The country has produced champion boxers in competitions hosted by the World Boxing Association, and the Philippines has taken several medals in martial arts in the Asian and Southeast Asian Games.
The Philippines has participated in the Summer Olympic Games since 1924 and in the Winter Games since 1972. Filipino athletes generally have been most successful in swimming, boxing, and track and field events.
CHINESE KUNG FU
Kung Fu, an ancient sport popular in China, has a very long history, during which a variety of skills were created and massively improved. Originated from the hunting and defense needs in the primitive society (over 1.7 million years ago – 21st century BC), it at first only included some basic skills like cleaving, chopping, and stabbing. Later the system of Kung Fu formed and developed mainly as the fighting skills from the Xia Dynasty (21st - 17th century BC) to the Yuan Dynasty (1271 - 1368), and reached its peak during the Ming and Qing Dynasties (1368 - 1911). In modern times, it develops well and becomes not just martial skills or physical movement. It is also a way for keeping fit, entertainment, and performance.
Forming
Chinese Kung Fu started to form during the slavery society (around 11th century BC – 403 BC). Upon the foundation of the Xia Dynasty, it well developed to be more practical and standard to better serve battles. During the Shang and Zhou Dynasties (17th century BC – 256 BC), martial dance was used to train soldiers and enhance the morale of the army. The theory of Tai Chi was put forward then to lay a foundation for the early system of Chinese martial arts. Later, the vassal states in the Spring and Autumn Period (770 - 476 BC) paid much attention to the fighting skills used in the battles. Qi Huangong (716 – 643 BC), one of the state kings at that time, even held martial arts contests twice a year to select heroes.
Development
The development of Kung Fu started during the feudal society (221 BC - 1911). After the Emperor Qin Shihuang (259 - 210 BC) unified the central plain of China, the fighting skills among the soldiers gradually developed into Guanzhong Boxing which was called Hong Fist later. Wrestling, fencing, sword dance and sword fighting were popular during the Qin and Han Dynasties (221 BC – 220 AD). For example, Xiang Zhuang, a famous general at that time, played sword at Hongmen Banquet with the intention to kill Liu Bang, who later became the Emperor Gaozu of the Western Han Dynasty (206 BC – 24 AD).
In the Song Dynasty (960 - 1279), at the request of Yue Fei and other patriotic generals, a large number of soldiers and common people tended to practice Kung Fu. It was at that time that Southern Fist (Nanquan) became a popular style taking Hangzhou as the practice center. The Southern Fist mainly emphasized the motions of upper limbs. The movement of elbows and knees was the assistant skills. Later, many similar groups were established to promote the integration of northern and southern martial arts.
In the Yuan Dynasty (1271 - 1368), since Han nationality was thought of as the ragtag, Han people were forbidden to practice Kung Fu in groups, but they secretly gathered to play. It’s said that Jueyuan, the abbot of Shaolin Temple at that time, succeeded the Eighteen Arhats Fist to create the Seventy-two Fists (Huaquan). Later, he learned Li Family Fist, Baimo Fist and Choy Li Fut to further improve all the skills into One-hundred and Seventy-two Fists, including Five-Element Boxing and Eight-Diagram Boxing.
In the Ming Dynasty (1368 - 1644), Long Fist (Changquan), Hong Fist and Kicking Legs appeared with the single and pair practice. The combination of the northern and southern styles composed the Shaolin School Boxing. Qi Jiguang, a famous patriotic general in the Ming Dynasty, compiled all the skills throughout China at that time, including Long Fist, Short Hands, Hong Fist, Bazi Fist and other skills and people called them Southern Shaolin Boxing. Later, Long Fist, Short Hands, Five Fist and Hua Fist of Shandong Province, Five Shapes Boxing and Crane Boxing of Fujian Province as well as the Hung Kuen, Wing Chun and Choy Li Fut of Guangxi and Guangdong provinces became the mainstream during that time.
In the Qing Dynasty (1644 - 1911), Han people were still forbidden to practice Kung Fu in groups and Southern Shaolin Temple gradually declined. The Shaolin Temple at Mt. Songshan in Henan was under strict supervision. Even the monks were not given the right to practice. However, some works on martial arts were widespread in folk circles. During the middle and end of the dynasty, the basic classification of Internal Boxing and external Boxing was formed, whilst the Northern Legs and Southern Fists became well known. After the first Sino-British Opium War in 1840, many folk martial arts groups sprung up to prevent the British army entering Guangdong. Many specific genres including the Form/Intention Boxing (Xingyiquan), Hung Kuen, Southern Shaolin Boxing, Wing Chun and Tai Chi started to be well improved. After 1864, Hung Kuen, including Hua Fist and Eight-Diagram Boxing was introduced to Jiangsu and Zhejiang areas.
During the Republic of China (1912 - 1949), Jingwu Gymnastics Club, the first non-government Kung Fu organization, was established by Huo Yuanjia and Nong Jinsun. Later it developed many branches in Hong Kong, Macau, Singapore, Malaysia, Vietnam and other countries.
Nowadays, China government tends to attach more importance to traditional Chinese Kung Fu which has been compiled as content of courses. Every year many performances and contests are held to encourage civilians to learn and inherit the skills. Various groups or organizations have been founded for better advertising and developing, such as International Martial Arts Federation and Chinese Martial Arts Association. Many schools are correspondingly established to teach all kinds of skills, such as Wudang Sanfeng Martial Arts School and Songshan Shaolin Martial Arts School. Moreover, Chinese Kung Fu has come to the world stage to attract more and more foreign people to enjoy and learn.
VOLLEYBALL 🏐
This sports had been evolving over the years. This sport is a combination of skill, beauty, heart and perseverance. It shows a world class competition of every country.
TRIVIA
Fact 1: The game of volleyball was invented in 1895 by William G. Morgan.
Fact 2: The first World Championships were held in 1949 for men and 1952 for women.
Fact 3: Volleyball were first introduced as Olympic sports in 1964.
Fact 4: Most volleyball players jump about 300 times a match.
Fact 5: Volleyball took some of its characteristics from tennis and handball.
Fact 6: The first two-man beach game was played in 1930.
Fact 7: Volleyball was called mintonette at first but it was later changed to volleyball.
Fact 8: The first special designed ball for the sport was created in 1900.
Fact 9: Volleyball is the second most popular sport in the world today, exceeded only by soccer.
Fact 10: The longest recorded volleyball game was in Kingston, North Carolina. It took 75 hours and 30 minutes.
Fact 11: In 2012, the athlete during the match was a powerful potency, later learned that before the match, he took the German Generic Viagra mixed with vitamins.
Do you know that Philippines played a significant role in the volleyball world?
Way back 1895, the time volleyball was introduced, it was basically played by numbers of players as long as both sides are equally divided. Then they do played this sport by bumping the ball over the net, however, as volleyball reaches the "Pearl of the Orient" or Philippines then additions come out. Our country added the "setting and spiking skills" which made this sport more interesting.
BASKETBALL 🏀
On the first hand Basketball was created by James Nais Smith, a teacher at a YMCA in Springfield, Massachusetts, is credited with inventing basketball in 1891. He just accidentally created basketball for fun with his friends. Basketball starts with a simple basket that has no hole. Wherein there is no rule at that time, there's also no referee and team. It's just a simple basket. As time pass by basketball is developed until it became a national sports and later on some countries adapt and play the basketball as their sports. There's a rule in playing a basketball like a player must bounce, the ball with one hand while moving both feet. If at any time both hands touch the ball or the players stops dribbling, the player must only move one foot. Stay in dribbling the ball. Basketball is the most famous sports around the world. That some avid fan of basketball love the player also. They idolize the incredible and most excellent player.
SWIMMING 🏊♂️
Competitive swimming in Britain started around 1830, mostly using breaststroke. Swimming was part of the first modern Olympic games in 1896 in Athens. In 1908, the world swimming association, Fédération Internationale de Natation (FINA), was formed.
Artwork from the Cave of Swimmers in southwest Egypt shows that Ancient Egyptians were swimming as far back as 10,000 years ago, but the modern sport of competitive swimming began in Great Britain in 1837. At that time, London hosted swimming competitions in its six newly constructed indoor pools.
SEPAK TAKRAW
Sepak is Malay for “kick” and takraw is Thai for “a woven ball”, therefore sepak takraw quite literally means “to kick ball”. The choosing of this name for the sport was essentially a compromise between Malaysia and Thailand, the two powerhouse countries of the sport. Sepak Takraw originates in South-East Asia.
Playing this sports is an absolutely like breath taking. Every time you kick, you attack, it feels like you are flying. Everytime you play this game, it moves you back from the past when you were a child.
THESE ARE JUST SOME OF THE SPORTS THAT PLAYED A VITAL ROLE IN THE WHOLE WORLD.
SPORTS WILL ALWAYS BE SPORTS. ENGAGE YOURSELF INTO IT. IF YOU WANTED TO BE HAPPY THEN CHOOSE AND PLAY WITH YOUR FOR IT.
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Why I Got Started In Marketing
13 years ago I was lying in the bed listening to my daughter read her book to me... “Daddy wake up she said.”
“I’m sorry sweetie, Daddy is tired it’s been a long day at work.”
You see 13 years ago I was a single parent. I would take my daughter to daycare early so I could drive to get to work by 7:30 am. My commute was 35 minutes with no traffic, but because of the morning rush… it would take 41 minutes.
So, as a result, my daughter would be one of the first to arrive and because I had a long workday and had to deal with an even longer commute back home, she would be one of the last to be picked up.
So we would get home, I would cook dinner, usually a pasta dish…. that was quick and simple. Cooking is not something that I enjoy doing. I can do it, but I have no desire to cook, I would rather bake.
I enjoy baking the family recipe pancakes and apple pie. But we can’t eat pancakes and apple pie every day… So I was forced to cook pasta and the occasional salmon or tuna.
I remember putting my daughter to bed that night, thinking I have to find another way to earn the same amount of income but with less time spent.
As Robert Kiyosaki said in his Top Selling Book “Rich Dad Poor Dad” the pathway to wealth and financial freedom is operating in the Right Side of the Cashflow Quadrant. You can either be a business owner or an Investor. I’m currently on the left side, Employee
Well, needless to say, I started out as an Investor. Based on my default introvert personality… I figured investing is the better path to start. And plus I really didn’t have a business idea to start in the “Business” quadrant.
But man I lost money trying to invest…
So now, I have to find a way to make up the money that I lost…
How am I going to do that?
A second job is not a solution. My daughter is already in daycare for the near-maximum time allowed. The only solution I could think of is starting a business. I could start a home business and work on it at night and a few more hours on the weekends.
In my research in searching for a home business, I came across ways to market your business using internet marketing techniques. Which peaked a desire to learn more.
Around this time a buddy of mine was looking to start a race team and race shop. He’s been a racing fan all of his life. New every NHRA top dragster and crew chief. He grew up building engines with his father.
I volunteer to help market his race shop as a way to test this new-found knowledge of marketing online.
So once or twice a week, I would write a blog article talking about an upcoming race and the results of the past race. Also, I would write a press release article each week during racing season, announcing their attendance in the weekend race event.
After about six weeks of consistently writing blog articles and press releases, I received a phone call from a local newspaper writer. He wanted to interview the race team owner.
I asked how he heard of the team.. and he mentioned he find out about us through one of the press release sites. Wow… that was amazing… This actually works.
The editor featured the race team in the local newspaper, which jump-started my buddies race shop business.
Now I had proof that this online marketing thing can work.
So I thought to have a business where I can help people market their business online would be a great business for me.
So I created my business in October of 2009. To help entrepreneurs market their business online.
By the time I finished planning my first marketing campaign using SEO strategy. The Google Slap occurred in 2010. Adwords cost increased significantly, the rules changed and now my plan that I created was obsolete. Old news, it would only work if I had a bunch of cash to invest in Google Adwords.
Which I did not, have the cash. And the credit cards were already maxed out from the multiple business and marketing training courses I purchased to accelerate my learning.
Thus entering me into a challenging period. The bright side is I was getting married in July of 2010, to a wonderful, God Fearing, Proverbs 31 women.
But at the same time, internally this added a lot of stress. I put all of my eggs in this business and now, I have no income to support my new wife and daughter.
You see in October of 2009, I left my current job to focus on starting the business and spend more time with my daughter. I had savings for 6 months and a passion. But guess what… savings was depleted and now, I have no income, savings, or credit to extend the venture.
My new wife was supporting us with her income from a new job.
But this just added more stress, because I desire to support my wife and family. And the end game was for her to be able to be at home and raise our children. We believe in having a parent at home to nourish and teach the children in the way they should go so when they get older they will not depart from it. And naturally, my wife is a better nurturer than me, so having her working while I was at home was depressing for me. But I was not ready to give up and quit the business.
I was on the verge of getting a new client, which occurred through good old fashion networking.
And to be honest, this bugged me as well, because how can I be an online marketer getting clients through means outside of online marketing. This was just more of a confidence deflator, which intern I didn’t feel worthy of pricing my service where it needed to be to support my family.
I lowered my price significantly, so when I did get a few new clients, the price barely covered my expenses and wasn’t much leftover to support the family.
However, the online strategy I did implement for them did work, which boosted my confidence, but it still didn’t boost my price.
And by this time my wife was 6 months pregnant and I had to make the decision, to put the business to the side and return to the workforce as an Employee.
It was a good decision, because it provided cash, health care, and allowed my wife to stay home with our children.
That stress was gone, but the reality is I failed at getting the business to the point to support us. I was unable to achieve the goal of generating enough income without sacrificing all of my good working hours as an employee.
That sense of failure wade on me, but as a husband and father, I had to make the sacrifice.
But the question was still in the back of my head… how do I make this business work, grow it to the point where I can eventually have it as my main source of income.
I know all of the tactical marketing strategies, but when I try them, I’m still not getting the results I need online. By this time the internet is saturated with online marketing agencies. There is a lot of competition.
However, when I get in front of my ideal client in person through networks, I usually get a client, but how do I get in front of them.
Networking organizations usually meet during the day, while I’m working. and I don’t have enough vacation days to use them for monthly or bi-monthly meetings. Plus this still is going against my one rule… to generate the majority of my leads through online marketing campaigns.
So that’s out. So how do I get my message in front of my ideal customer?
SEO is working, but it takes a long time. And it is extremely harder in the B2B niche, because of the high competition.
Paid advertising works, if you have enough money and a good funnel to offset the cost of acquiring a customer.
Then I remembered a common message my mentors shared, Mike Koening, Ed Rush, Frank Kern, Russell Bronson, and Rich Harshaw about positioning. It’s about how to position yourself as an authority so you can attract highly qualified buyers.
People are attracted to gurus… the person that is influential in helping people solve their problems.
The fact of the matter is I ignored this message because I was scared to do it. I didn’t believe I was an expert or an authority. Even though I knew more about digital marketing than most business owners. And I had proof to show it, but because I didn’t know more than my mentors, I didn’t have the confidence to do it.
Going back to my first marketing campaign for my buddy with the race team and shop. Their success started with an influential person, local newspaper writer, finding my press release and blog, and writing a featured article on my buddy in the local newspaper.
The local newspaper is perceived by the local readers as a guru… Authors of news articles are perceived as gurus even if they have limited knowledge in the subject matter. They receive this status, all from interviewing people in a certain niche.
So if you are not a guru, but use a medium that people perceive as a place where gurus hang out like a newspaper, podcast, Amazon, YouTube, the Internet, etc. and you are featured in the media then you automatically are perceived as a guru.
I was so close to the promised land back then, but because of my lack of faith… I’ve spent 9 years in the wilderness going in circles, similar to God’s people when they left Egypt and spent 40 years in the wilderness because of their lack of faith in God.
Man what a valuable lesson learned though… I know have faith and confidence.
So I have created a plan which I call Oracle Position, which will position you and me as an authority in our industry, so we can attract highly qualified clients ready to purchase our products and services.
The strategic plan starts with drafting and creating your offer.
Second, drafting and creating your messages.
Third, creating a sales funnel to capture, connect and convert leads into loyal customers.
Fourth positioning your messages and offers everywhere online, to lead through your sales funnel.
Fifth, accelerate the plan with paid advertising.
I failed in the past because I did these steps out of order or in no order at all.
I know this plan will work, which is why I am inviting you to join me on this journey to witness it for yourself, so you can have the faith and confidence in believing it will work for you too.
Join me on this journey by following me on this media by subscribing, liking or whatever means it has for you to get notified of my next publication.
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Progression and Regression in Reconstruction History
Many of us Black Studies who are reconstructing history (the history of the United States) think that we are entering a new era in American history. We may think that the things we are witnessing today, i.e., the election of Blacks to political office and their appointments to various positions, their accomplishments in various corporations and so forth, are something new in American history. Yet the study of reconstruction history should quickly convince us that we are currently undergoing deja vu.
Many of us view history as a continuing progression upward and onward. We have bought the American concept of progress: the idea that things must over time necessarily get better. There is no law in the universe that tells us our future survival is assured: that we will continue to exist now and into the future. There have been races and ethnic groups who have been virtually wiped out on this planet. There is no guarantee that our own group will not be wiped out as well. the idea that we must necessarily arrive at a point greater than that reached by our ancestors could possibly be an illusion. The idea that somehow according to some great universal principle we are going to be in a better condition than our ancestors is an recognizing that progressions and regression occur; that integration and disintegration occur in history.
History is not a fairy tale wherein certain things are accomplished and people live happily ever after. Many of us think the accomplishment we have made up to this point means that we are only going to expand them in the future. We had better think about that again. I will point out today why we must not be so optimistic as to be foolish.
Let us go back for a moment to an article written in Ebony magazine, October 1982, wherein Lerone Bennett wrote (I think) his conclusion to his book Black Power U. S. A. When I finished reading that book, I felt that that last chapter was missing. It went on to laud Black Power during the Reconstruction era and so forth and yet, somehow, its logical conclusions weren't arrived at. The lessons that the book brought to mind were not expressed openly and completely. Consequently, I think some people would have been left with the wrong impression. But lo and behold he did write the final chapter, not within the book itself but in Ebony magazine under the front cover heading heading"The Second Reconstruction: Is History Repeating Itself?"
He titled the article, "The Second Time Around. Will History Repeat Itself and Rob Black og Gains of 1960s?" So he's dealing with the issue again. We gained it [freedom] once and we lost it. Is there any law in the universe that says that we will not lose it again? He introduced the topic:
OVER.
It was, at long last over and done with. How could anyone doubt it? How could anyone fail to see that the race problem has been solved forever?
One man who had no doubt said, "All distinctions founded upon race or color have been forever abolished in the United States."
Another who saw things this way said the category of race has been abolished by law and that "there [were] no more colored people in this country."
Thus spoke the dreamers and the prophets--and victims---in the first Reconstruction of 1860s and the 1870s.
I don't think I have to elaborate on this kind of attitude. We run into too many youngsters today who say, "Oh, that was in slavery time. Oh those were things we talked in the 1960s and 70s; we're in a new day now." We're not in a new day ladies and gentlemen. The same words that we are saying today are the same words that people were saying over 100 years ago. Why are we in a new day saying the same thing that someone said 100 years ago? Bennett goes on to say:
And it is worth emphasizing here, at the very beginning, that these flights into fantasy were based on the same "hard" facts that grip the imagination of Blacks in the second Reconstruction of the 1960s and 1970s. There was, for example, a Black man in the U.S. Senate in 1870s and there was a Black governor in louisiana. In the 1860s and the 1870s--as in the 1960s and 1970s--there were Black sheriffs and mayors in the South and there was open speculation about a Black vice presidential candidate. [So the Jesse Jackson run is not new in Black American history].
There was moreover,a network of civil rights laws that seemed to settle the issue beyond all possibility of dispute or recall..
There are so many of us who believe that fair housing laws, anti-discrimination laws, civil rights laws, voting laws and so forth, guarantee our freedom. that is a illusion. What a fight into fantasy!
Laws are no stronger than their enforcers. The same people who pass those laws are the same people who are responsible for enforcing them. If the people who enforce the laws no longer decide to do so, the laws are of no value and have no power. Ultimately, then fairness rests not in laws but in the activities of people and in the attitude and consciousness of people. Therefore, if the people who are responsible for enforcing those laws change their attitudes then the treatment of those people whose freedom is protected by those so-called laws is changed as well.
We cannot put our faith in White man's law and laws enforced by whites. I have warned and it bears repeating that if there comes a day when the society has to make a choice between feeding White children and feeding Black children, no amount of civil rights laws or any other laws on the books will prevent those people from feeding their children first. It is a silly faith we have in laws. For Black people in the 1970s, 1980s and 1990s to still rest their freedom on the basis of laws when history itself shows us that this cannot be done, we must question our sanity and what we have learned from the study of our history.
"Back there, 100 years ago there was a federal law protecting voting rights in the South--- Does this all sound vaguely familiar?---- and there was a national public accommodations act."
"So the public accommodations law didn't begin with the freedom rides in the 1960s. We had those rights in the 1860s and 1870s as well.."
Such, in broad outline, was the racial situation 100 years ago--in the 1860s and 1870s--when racism was "forever abolished" in America for the first time.... It was a short "forever."
I'll just read other selected excerpts from Bennett's article.
"As almost every schoolboy knows, the first Reconstruction ended in a major historical catastrophe that wiped out the gains of the 1860s. As a consequence, it required 100 years and oceans of blood for Black people to climb back up to the political plateau they had occupied in 1860-70."
So, as I stated earlier, history contains both progress and regress. However, regressing at this point in history will not be a situation where we will be able to fight the battle all over again. Regressing at this point in history essentially spells annihilation for Afrikans, not only in America but for Afrikans the world over.
"For as I said in Black Power U.S.A., and as Dubois said before me in Black Reconstruction, "Reconstruction in all of its various facets was the supreme lesson for America, the right reading of which might still mark a turning point in our history."
The election of Black mayors and governors and our getting jobs in White corporations can in no way ensure the survival of Black people. We cannot make the progress of Black people synonymous with our qualifying for degrees and we've had this game played upon us before. Lerone Bennett mentions the founding of,
"..a prototypical War on Poverty [from the 1860s-1879s] (the Freedman's Bureau) and putting on the books civil rights laws which were in some instances stronger than civil laws passed in the 1969s and 1979s. In the wake of these events, there were many gains which surpassed, in many instances, the political gains Blacks made in the 1960s and 1970s.
*********************************************
At one time, in fact, Black legislators were in the majority in the South Carolina legislature. In the same period, as in the comparable period in the 1960s and 1979s, poor Whites received social and economic benefits rich Whites had denied them."
Once we got in we were even good to poor White-folks. We set up school systems and a whole lot of other things. I'll conclude this portion by reading this:
"Long discussions about the morals and educational equivocations of Blacks obscure the main point--power or the lack of power. The worst thing that can be said about some leaders of the reconstruction period is that they did not seem to understand that the only issue was power."
We don't talk about that issue very much today either; it seems to frighten many of us.
"One final point is relevant to an understanding of the power realities of the social movements of both the first and second Reconstructions. In both cases, social and political leaders failed to provide the economic ballots that made political ballots viable. no one understands this better than the Black masses of the 1860s who said in marches and demonstrations that their freedom was not secure without a firm economic foundation."
Therefore, think again when we celebrate Frederick Douglass, Harriet Tubman, king, and others. We should begin to look at the central issues. If our study of Black history is merely an exercise in feeling good about ourselves, then we will die feeling good. We must look at the lessons tat history teaches us. We must understand the tremendous value of the study of history for the re-gaining of power. If our education is not about gaining real power, we are being miseducated and misled and we will die "educated" and misled.
The Falsification of Afrikan Consciousness..
~Dr. Amos N Wilson Pg 8-13
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Which are the Causes Of Migraines?
natural remedies for headaches
Just what are migraine headaches?
Those who have never had problems aren't understand the absolute self applied endured by those who all suffer by migraines strikes. And there are several repercussions to be included to the actual suffering!
natural remedies for headaches
Headaches are pathologies. They are generally extremely underestimated for that basic reason that the ache it brings cannot possibly be noticed and that that is considered -- almost all of the time : to be minimal although it can generate extreme and unending suffering. Many individuals suffer from migraines in a regular basis.
Modern-day medicine does not realize the reason behind migraines!
Migraine headaches remain some sort of mystery regarding science as well as medicine. Experts are always ashamed while they are asked in order to explain the true causes.
Current medicine can't explain the particular reason for this hurtful headaches, are they a new full-blown illness? Mere indicators between many others? Carry out migraines have a very psychological aspect or bring about? Are these people hereditary?
These concerns and also many others can't become answered from your scientific or perhaps medical point of view. When a person suffers from headaches, pharmacists or physicians accelerate to be able to counsel or suggest analgesics (painkillers).
A obscure classification for an unknown situation
The difficulty of comprehending migraine headaches can be located usually written inside medical dictionaries, which discover it tough to define what headaches are.
Migraines are normally thought as forms of head aches (? ) (this explanation is unusually vague) in which can manifest by themselves by way of periodical attacks.
Actually , possessing a migraine is definitely not only incredibly trying however migraines typically return rapid sometimes quite regularly instructions in spite of typically the paracetamol-based medications or remedies using other chemical materials.
Headaches are not merely symptoms!
The most effective proof this migraines are generally not merely signs and symptoms, or put simply, the effect of any other dysfunction, especially lies in often the fact that current medicines are incapable of defeating the idea!
In fact, in case a migraine have been a illness, those who experience from it need purge of it by having treatment.
Yet, as particular previously mentioned, migraines usually express their selves through attacks, which will means they will come backside - usually routinely -- and torment individuals enduring from them. Most usually, that they come on instantly, within a matter of minutes.
Useless medication
Many studies include long shown that chemical compounds such as paracetamol usually are extremely beneficial to suppress the actual pain.
So, when paracetamol is used as the migraine relief when anyone have one of course, if the particular pain connected to migraine headaches afterwards resurfaces, this implies there are reasons for typically the outbreak of your headaches and that the compound medication approved has not really treated the exact trigger!
Therefore, if the cure according to aspirin, paracetamol or maybe something different does not entirely eliminate migraine symptoms yet simply alleviates the problems for a moment, it indicates it is either useless as well as that migraines tend to be not health problems but often the consequence of yet another ailment that has not also been neutralized by the element substances.
In the head connected with someone who is affected with migraine headaches!
This is where simply no one wish to be!
Nonetheless, take a little bit for you to imagine - unless you actually have experienced painful headaches after or several periods - which...
All associated with a sudden, the problematic veins inside your temples begin enticing a lot more quickly, bringing considerably more and more unpleasant sounds to your head!
Soreness quickly spreads to the actual complete brain, which tends to make you feel just as if any vise were securing your current head a bit much more as time passes by means of and as you hold out and simply wait before consuming a remedy, no matter what the item may be.
In a lot more serious circumstances, when migraine headaches last longer, you can even possess trouble focusing, burst open directly into tears because of the particular discomfort you feel along with even be beneath the feeling that you are typically the sufferer of an true mental torture that will becomes your head upside lower!
It could even sometimes acquire worse once you stop carrying out anything to relaxation or even take care of often the pain due to the fact, when a person rest, you emphasis actually more on the soreness in which ceaselessly hammers throughout your head and this looks to grow in depth!
This starts amplifying in addition to you look ahead to the instant when it finally disappears completely. Even after having obtained drugs, you must often wait for time just before the migraine pain reduction you are hoping to manifests itself!
Additionally , as I actually already mentioned, it will be not as the anti-migraine remedy prescribed have been effective the moment that it will stop you from suffering from other headaches within the mid- or long lasting. This specific disorder is certainly not yet recognized.
This is usually the paradox linked to help migraine headaches: a migraine is definitely considered to be any small ailment compared to various other problems reputed to end up being much more significant nevertheless the fact remains which it can have serious effects.
Without a doubt, in addition in order to the nearly unbearable ache that migraines can result in, they could also have serious repercussions.
Hence, researchers just lately claimed this successive headaches could cause head injury over time and have got the influence on the actual psychological equilibrium of these suffering from them!
These kinds of instances are of program the particular worst. Some folks suffering from migraine headaches although not to that degree mentioned before may be influenced by nausea, be sick or perhaps suffer from photosensitivity or maybe in other words, locate it hard to carry artificial light or also sunshine!
In some conditions - such as headaches with aura - they could be preceded by altered ideas such as visual as well as even illusions!
Nobody is actually safe!
Moreover, if a number of kinds of migraines are usually hereditary - which many scientists claim is typically the circumstance - no one particular is safe. Every person could possibly one day experience these types of terrible headaches and possibly oftentimes on several situations through the same day or even within a lifetime!
In vengeance of the many scientific studies conducted for decades, right now there don't have been many advancements around the topic, even in the event that the different correctly empowered scientists to better learn how migraines are triggered.
The most up-to-date research refers to inadequate the flow of blood in the mental and other anatomical elements but this could not permit them to find out there more about the actual will cause of migraines!
The nearly all considerable studies have reviewed migraines by magnetic resonance imaging (RMI) with cutting edge devices.
Of course, they produced it possible to check more into the process which lies behind the causes of migraines, their advancement and the consequences many people have nevertheless they haven't aided in finding their particular specific origin.
An obstacle to be able to the transmission of details!
Permanent magnet resonance imaging possesses shown that folks suffering through migraines on a frequent basis tend to be the subjects of irreparable damage since far as the brain's white matter is involved.
Here is the name given for you to the stressed tissue that will carries the details between often the two cerebral hemispheres with the brain where mental operations take place : this all occurring in the actual grey topic. The whitened matter comprises long "cables" or axons that hook up the neurons of the particular matter, also called gray matter, to each different.
Thus, a report conducted through physicians within Copenhagen, Denmark, and posted in typically the Neurology journal inside 2013, showed that people being affected by migraines displayed lesions from the white matter.
The horrible consequences of this deterioration make slowing down or perhaps impossibility to help transmit often the information between the various parts or hemispheres of the actual mind!
Loss of human brain volume as well as intelligence
Continue to according to the very same study, it seems in which not only will be the tranny of information affected as a result of repetitive migraines but the particular head volume is furthermore said to be changed by this ailment, major to some sort of decrease throughout intellectual capabilities.
Scientific studies taken out on migraines and the effects enabled scientists to spotlight the unknown role played out by the white issue, that had long been recently disregarded!
Axons, these very long "communication cables" connecting typically the different hemispheres (some could also be found with the spinal cord), are generally essential for the appropriate functioning on the two objetivo hemispheres, the proper and often the left.
Also, need to these kinds of axons be broken simply by lesions, this would stop the information from circulating widely or quickly. The particular person damaged would lose their very own racional faculties, their potential to purpose or swiftly sort the knowledge.
This qualified prospects to a loss regarding autonomy, of the power to learn, but in addition in order to a lack of handle of emotional capabilities ending in... a loss in brains!
Migraines that retain all their cards close to their own chest!
In many instances, you may experience migraine headaches or risk affected by these people... without your realizing!
For that reason, pay careful attention for the "signs" below.
If an individual knowledgeable or are suffering from the following signs, this is highly likely this - without your understanding rapid you suffer coming from migraines! You'll probably have headaches in the approaching weeks, even weeks!
If the mental is aching, no make a difference what the problems anyone feel is, and in the event this increases when at this time there is noise who are around you or maybe when you are within a brightly-lit environment instructions notably together with artificial mild...
If you feel made worse pain on one aspect with the brain on a new regular basis...
If you actually feel agonizing sensations quickly occurring inside brain and also that last for a long time...
In these three situations, you could experience migraines with no knowing that!
Indeed, all these three major signs usually are not always attached to migraine headaches but the fact stays that they are alert signs that you may possibly endure them.
Pay focus to these indications along with detect them whenever they take place.
Prevent and reduce the cause of migraines
Migraines are incredibly frustrating and quite frequent disorders, issues from which usually nobody is sheltered given that modern science features difficulty understanding and healing these individuals.
However, many studies have indicated that some factors may trigger, exacerbate or lengthen the pain and hazards connected to migraines!
So, inside order to minimize in addition to counter sudden sparks as well as the persistence of normal problems, it is encouraged to try to steer clear of extreme fatigue and fatigue, keep away from anxiety and sleeping enough thus you feel relaxed.
Furthermore, food plays an important function in preventing as well as lowering the risks of enduring severe migraine headaches.
Thus, it truly is advised to keep away from eating or even drinking also much. Drinks and also food items containing a lot involving glucose are top connected with the ranking, like dark chocolate, cakes, wines along with solid alcoholic drinks, that you simply really should avoid.
Here is a different piece of advice: commonly speaking, to avoid headaches, it is preferable to be able to have a well-balanced in addition to varied diet.
Still perhaps though these precautions are very important and although it will be better to adhere to them for you to the letter, their particular effect on the triggers associated with migraines may vary based upon on the individuality, health and fitness and physical condition regarding each personal.
In actuality, even following these kind of parts of advice has never ever guaranteed anyone migraine severe headaches would not occur all of the sudden. Neither do they protection anyone from the typical returning of migraines!
Since a result, in order to avoid or perhaps get rid of this specific trouble, it is well-advised to count on the attack of a migraine somewhat than be forced to help treat it as it can certainly strike anyone whenever!
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