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#educate yourself ffs
dragynkeep · 1 year
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So my post about my frustration over people being uneducated about zoos when I just wanted to watch videos about gorillas got me some lovely anons, and I decided to make this a post so I can answer them all together in one complete post rather than numerous asks.
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Obviously these are all anons cause no one nowadays can put their face to their opinions like a grown up but whatever, the point is anon, you are conflating your own personal views with reality around zoos.
I didn’t know Calgary Zoo, turns out it’s in Canada and I’m in the UK, so I researched it thinking that there might have been controversy or it’s not a good zoo similar to some backyard zoos here in the UK. No, the only controversy I could find was someone accidentily leaving a knife in the Westland Gorilla enclosure.
In 2009.
Here’s a picture I found of the snow leopard enclosure.
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Anon, this looks reasonably sized. Not only that, but I’ve seen plenty of ledges, trees, and places for enrichment so that the snow leopards don’t get bored. Plus, plenty of room so the two that I’ve seen living there can run and play with each other. This looks like a bog standard enclosure. 
Now for the spaces to hide, the size of a small living room is perfectly normal. You know why? Because that’s where they sleep. That’s where they go to relax and get away from the people, which zoos implement so that the animals aren’t constantly watched and have somewhere to feel safe and secure. That’s like crying that your bedroom isn’t the size of your whole house. That’s not what it’s there for. 
Because good zoos ultimately work to giving the best living conditions that they can to their animals. 
Also, shitty coolers? So you’re complaining about the leopards being given something to cool down, why do you think it’s shitty? Zoos often give common household things to their animals that we would also see, like boxes, coolers, ice lollies, anything that can be enriching, because that’s all you need. The leopards aren’t gonna care.
As for the shaving thing, you don’t shave snow leopards the same way you don’t shave your double coated dog. This just shows your ignorance, because you know WHY you typically don’t shave the animals? Because their coat helps in thermoregulation, because shaving their coat actually fucks it up and risks the animal actually getting sunburnt.
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Can you really? Tell me, what’s the behavioural signs of stress in leopards? What’s the signs of them falling ill, or struggling with heat stroke like you’re suggesting?
Because humans who don’t go into zoology and animal behaviour are notorious for misreading animal behaviours. Prime example? Monkeys.
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This cat is dead omg. Oh wait, it’s just relaxing. 
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I agree. Fuck unethical zoos, which is what I was saying, but you’re conflating unethical zoos with all zoos, which isn’t the case. This is not the 19th century, zoos are no longer tiny prison cells with animals in for people to gawk at. 
But this last ask shows that you’re not interested in animal welfare or advoacting for higher standards so we avoid backytard zoos, you’re only interested in flaunting your anti humanity boner and acting like we’re scum, when this kind of extinctintion thinking is very fucking racist. Because before colonisation and industrialisation, many native groups lived with the nature around them. 
Because we needed it to thrive so we could thrive, and we understood how to live in it. Humanity isn’t an evil thing, we are capable of very beautiful things and we should be working towards building a life where we can work with nature. Get over your edgy mindset, you’re a grown ass person ffs.
And yes, I have seen zoos that haven’t done what they should’ve, and animals suffering because of it. But that’s why we advocate for stricter standards, and support the zoos that are doing it right, that are putting in so much effort for conservation and education. Because without those zoos, plenty of species would be dead. They would be dead.
Keep that in mind. Hate unethical zoos, fight for higher standards, support the zoos that are doing it right. Educate yourself and get out of my inbox, you ignorant tool.
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ayspec · 4 months
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“friendships are not lesser forms of relationships than romantic ones!” yeah!
“the idea that there’s a relationship hierarchy is bs!!” precisely!!
“you don’t need romance to be a good or ‘full’ person!!!” yes, yes, yes!!!
“because instead you can have friendship!!!! because aros still love, they just love their friends!! it’s not like we’re heartless monsters!! <333”
…sigh.
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microvibing · 3 months
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Dear anyone who isn't jewish/Israeli,
You do not know our history better then us, please stop acting like you do.
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Cherry Magic has graced anime fans with the first gay marriage in anime history. That coming from a country where same-sex marriage is still quite some lightyears away from becoming legal, is huge. The first spirtually recognised same-sex marriage in Japan dates back to 2016. Although society has becoming more accepting over the past few years and queer activists keep fighting for equal rights, queer people in Japan are still being discriminated (this Wikipedia article on LGBT rights in Japan is quite comprehensive about the legal situation). If you want to know what that's like, read Ryousuke Nanasaki's honest and down-to-earth biography Until I Meed My Husband--he's an LGBTQ+ activist and the lucky guy who, together with his partner, made history as the first gay couple getting married at a shrine.
At present, Japan is the only G7 nation that neither recognises same-sex marriage nor has a law to protect queer minorities. As of 2023, the current ruling party, the Liberal Democratic Party (LDP), regards homosexuality as a disorder and claims it can be healed with spiritual practices and therapy, and that same-sex unions should be discouraged because they destroy the traditional image of family and society.
Please let that sink in for a moment.
But then I see people (mostly on the bird site, I think) screaming "But my favourite gay anime should have been the first to have a gay marriage!!! LOOK WHAT THEY TOOK FROM US!!1!!111!!!1"™
Embarrassingly, most of these people are from my own fandom. And I'm seriously wondering whether these people are okay if this is all they care about.
YOI was very progressive for the time it was made in (it aired in the same year Ryousuke Nanasaki married his partner in a shrine). But when you start digging and read the interviews with the creators and put them into context with the reactions from Japanese anime fans, the reality of queers living there, and the obstacles the director had to overcome to make her vision reality, you can't unsee that YOI was too progressive for it's time.
Sometimes I wonder if growing up in a country that has estabilshed marriage equality years ago, makes people blind to overlook the systematic queerphobia queer people face in countries with a still mostly conservative collective mindset, even more so as seeing a country through the lens of fiction doesn't give a realistic picture of its society and the struggles its marginalised groups face (especially when these struggles aren't portrayed realistically in those works). And this is such a weird ironic since the queer stories we love with all our heart because they paint a the picture of a queer utopia are born from this society.
Progress isn't a linear process and it doesn't happen overnight. Two steps forward can mean one step back. If you push too far before society is ready for it, brace yourself for the backlash. No groundbreaking achievement has the power to tear down the walls of conservative stubbornness, it rather antagonises the people who have the means to thwart you.
If you struggle with accepting this, if you think that your selfish desire to get more of your favourite anime is more important than queer rights, if you are convinced that some animation studio owes you and make it the fulcrum of your very existence, I ask you politely and in all seriousness to please go touch some grass, educate yourself, and come back when you've found the plot again.
Disclaimer: I'm not a Japanese citizen and I don't live in Japan. I gathered these information from people living there (expats and natives), the Japan Times, Wikipedia, translations of interviews with the YOI staff, and my own research.
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kelluinox · 3 months
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Why does my family cling to Israel and Israel's continued existence? Simple. You see, when we were being persecuted and killed by the Nazis, and my family was chased out and was stripped of their citizenship, they tried to go to America. Only America turned them away. They had nowhere else to go. No one would accept them. No one wanted them. You know the only place that did? Israel
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sumbril · 1 year
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Step 1: Do I understand this issue well enough to have an informed opinion on it?
If Yes: Consider the wisdom of stating said opinion.
If No: Proceed to step 2.
Step 2: Am I invested in this issue enough to try to cultivate an informed understanding?
If Yes: Investigate sources for reliable information, consider the facts, reread the current state of the discussion in full, then return to step 1.
If No: Do not engage.
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m0onjellies · 2 years
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hollygracesworld · 3 months
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Innocent | Ed Warren x Reader
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pairing : Ed Warren (Conjuring) x Female Reader
summary : You have been frequently bothered by a bride ghosts since you were little. But as you grow older you feel increasingly disturbed and you ask for help from Ed and Lorraine Warren, a demonologist, to help you escape the curse.
Instead of focusing on the exorcism case this time, you are caught up in a hot affair with Ed Warren.
After all, who would refuse his cock?
warning : full of smut, cheating, masturbation, virginity loss, unprotected sex, p in v sex, breeding kink, rough sex.
for another patrick wilson ff ➡️ masterlist
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You snuck into Massachusetts Western University, Wakefield. You’re obviously not a student there, you graduated from uni last year. You knew that Ed and Lorraine Warren would be lecture in there so you disguised yourself as a student.
You’re wearing a white shirt matching with a black short skirt that is above the knee. Your beautiful legs are covered with sheer stockings.
Because of your appearance, many men stare at you stunned, even women seem to steal glances at you. You’re really beautiful and different from others. Your outfit is certainly the opposite in the 70s, but it’s not because of your outfit that makes many people admire you, but because you have a beautiful face with hair that looks very soft.
You have responded politely several times when several people tried to get to know you, and they were surprised why they had never seen you here.
Even though you attract attention there, you remain focused on your purpose here. The thought that told you to focus appeared when you saw the bride's figure appear again at the end of the room while Ed and Lorraine Warren were teaching in front. The bride looks at you with red eyes, and blood comes out of her eyes.
The blood dripped on the floor and when Lorraine walked backwards and stepped on the blood, in an instant the figure disappeared.
Lorraine gasped. She froze in place, looking at the floor which now had no blood at all- then she saw you.
Ed grabbed his wife’s shoulder, and he asked, “what is it, hon?”
“Nothing,” said Lorraine briefly, her eyes still looking straight at you. Ed followed his wife’s gaze, and he’s looking at you now.
“We have to,” Lorraine stopped because she was still trying to digest everything, “we have to continue this.”
Ed nodded, he then turned the video back on, “A French-Canadian farmer with no more than a third-grade education yet after he was possessed, spoke some of the best Latin I’d ever heard.”
You looked at the screen seriously. Suddenly you felt goosebumps, but when you looked to the side of the screen, you saw Ed caught staring at you, then Ed immediately continued talking, “S-sometimes backwards.” said Ed, who surprisingly, he’s stammer.
“He’d been molested by his father, who had also tortured him repeatedly.” Ed said still unable to take his eyes off you.
You realize this. It seems like you stole Ed Warren’s attention since Lorraine stared at you intently- she knew and could feel that you were being followed by the ghost. But her husband gaze at you... seemed different.
To ensure that, you pulled up your short skirt and crossed your legs. Your thighs are clearly visible in the sheer stockings which makes Ed even more unable to focus.
“A dark spirit…” Ed’s hungry gaze at your thighs, made his wife, Lorraine, suspect her husband’s strange behavior. Ed nervously continued, “A dark spirit made its home in- in th- this man.”
“Now, if you look into his eyes, you can see him tearing blood.” said Lorraine. You watched carefully and felt increasingly goosebumps all over your body.
Again, Ed couldn’t stop looking at you. You know that just by looking, you know this is wrong. He’s a married man and maybe they already have children. But you can’t deny that you like being seen by Ed, you feel like you want to tease him again.
“And like that…” Lorraine said while glaring at her husband and you alternately, “an upside-down cross started to appear from within his body.”
“All right, Drew, you can hit the lights.”
Suddenly everyone raised their hands to ask questions. You are surprised by this, not because of the enthusiasm of the class so that everyone wants to ask questions except you, but you are surprised because you feel like you didn’t get anything from their explanation.
Because Ed keeps looking at you and you in your seat keep teasing him. It seems like no one noticed, but if anyone in the room noticed besides his wife, they couldn’t blame you. He’s hot.
You can feel Ed and Lorraine’s relationship immediately strain. After answering questions from various students, they immediately left the room at a fast pace. You immediately follow their steps towards their car.
“Hey,” you said walking over to them as they were about to get into their car, “hey, I need your help.”
Before Ed could reply to your words, you quickly said, “I’m not a student here. I’m not even from this city, I came all the way here because I got news that you were lecture here, and...”
“That ghost bride….” said Lorraine still looking straight at you, “she follows you all the time, wherever you are.”
“And the worst part is…” you lowered your head, “she was the one who made my best friend die. I was driving a car, and I saw her figure right in front of my car, and I was fooled, I...”
“I’m sorry about what happened…” Ed said looking at you guiltily, then he looked at his wife who seemed to be trying to digest something, “I’m sure we can help…”
Lorraine turned to her husband. Don’t know why he really wants to help you even though they were very busy handling other cases that they should have investigated right away. Of course Lorraine wants to help you, but she feels bad instincts between her husband and you.
She knows that you have seduced her husband and his husband can’t take his eyes off you, but she had seen everything through her vision, about a bride ghost who always haunts and disturbs you.
“Of course we can help you,” said Lorraine smiling at you, gesturing for you to get into their car.
When you got into the car, Lorraine’s smile faded as she looked at her husband. She knew that something like this would happen, they had been together for a very long time, she knew that one day her husband would give another woman his gaze as if he wanted to strip her naked. But she didn’t think she could bear this much pain, however she had to focus on her purpose this time to helping you.
“How long have you been bothered by that ghost?”Lorraine asked when you arrived at her house.
You thought that the house will contain terrible things, but it turns out that all of them have been stored in one room. Her house is the same as most houses, classic interior design, and various paintings... Lorraine said that her husband likes pictures.
“When I was little,” you said, then you looked at Ed for a moment. And you realize that you look at him too often, “I don't remember exactly, but I could see her when I was 6 years old.”
“I felt very scared. especially when I no longer live with my parents, I...” you give up. You can’t control yourself from looking at Ed. His proportional body makes you want to be fucked by him.
“I'm not from this country. I studied in America and I have graduated from university and now I live here.” You could feel Ed constantly looking at you.
You bit your bottom lip, “I was alone, in the past if I was disturbed every night I could ask my parents to look after me. I know it was the actions of a spoiled child, but now everything is different, I endure all this alone, and I’m afraid...”
“You are not alone, we are here to help you...” said Lorraine holding your hand gently, “can you explain to us what you experienced…apart from your friend’s accident?”
You think for a moment, then you say quietly, “she often comes into my dreams, I don’t know, she always says something but I never remember it. And the weird thing is, I feel like I dreamed of her only for a moment, maybe 2 minutes ago, and when I woke up, it was already morning.”
“Ed...” said Lorraine softly.
He nodded his head, “yes hon?”
“Can you be here accompany her? I will be right back.” said Lorraine as she stood up. And then she whispered something to her husband, making you feel strange. She turned to you and smiled faintly then left the place.
“Where did she go?” you asked as Ed now sat down next to you.
“She’s just… want to do her thing.”
“No, you always work together. I don’t believe that.” you said feeling suspicious.
“And you believe what?” said Ed, “After you showed me your thighs and bit your sexy lips while me and my wife were lecture in there.”
Ed’s soft fingers touched your pink lips, his thumb combing every corner of your lips while his other fingers held your chin.
You let go of Ed’s hand with a slow movement. “No, Ed, we can’t.” You said trying to avoid eye contact from him.
Ed grinned, “Why not?” he tucked your hair behind your ear, holding your chin, “look at me.”
You’re looking at each other now. You can’t help yourself when you see Ed in his formal suit and tie... his body is very proportional with his very handsome face. You only looked into his eyes for 5 seconds and you immediately kissed Ed’s lips hungrily.
Ed kissed you back, your fingers undoing Ed’s tie. He kissed your neck aggressively, then with quick movements he placed your entire body lying on the sofa. He took off his suit and shirt, as did you at the same time taking off your shirt.
When you were about to take off your skirt-- Ed, who was already topless, bit your neck and then said in a deep, hoarse voice in your ear, “leave the skirt in place. as are those filthy stockings...”
Ed ripped your sheer stocking right at your cunt. He moved your panties to look at your pussy. You could feel Ed’s fingers playing on your clit. His thumb rubs your clit with lazy movements while his other 2 fingers into your cunt.
You groaned in pain, Ed said, “damn, 2 fingers won't really go inside. You’re so tight, honey.”
“You're a virgin huh?” said Ed, who was still playing with your clitoris and with his fingers, you could only nod weakly.
“What a surprise.” You felt his fingers force their way into your vagina making you scream in pain.
You can hear Lorraine calling her husband because he heard your moan, “don't worry hon, this is part of the exorcism I’m doing. I can do it myself.” Ed lied so stupidly.
“Ed...please...” you let out a weak moan, you looked at the door of the house which was still wide open, “Ed... shouldn't we close the door first?”
His fingers slipped from your cunt. He started to unbutton his trousers. You can see his cock which is so big and hard in front of you.
You can feel his cock starting to enter the walls of your cunt which are already very wet. He kisses your thighs which are still covered in stockings then enters his entire penis into you. Makes you groan in pain and shed tears.
You felt sore because Ed’s big cock was inside you, but you really liked it.
“Ed, we have to close the door...”
Ed now put your legs over his shoulders and fucked you very aggressively, he answered, “That's not necessary. If someone else passes by this house, at least they can see what a slut you are.” He squeezed out the last word by thrusting his cock deeper into you.
You were drunk with the pleasure he was giving you. You accidentally said a sentence you didn’t want to say.
“Ed Warren.....a sexy demonologist that I just met. A married man that would exorcise all the demons in my body. Please have my baby, put it all in me…. I want you..” you moaned as he insert his cock into your wet cunt with fast movements.
Ed looked at you with pity, “I really wanted to see you have my baby the first time I saw you with those thighs that were so tempting... obey me and be a good slut.”
You nod and you feel increasingly excited and want to climax when Ed kisses both of your tits and licks your nipples while still inserting his large penis inside you.
“Ed... I want to cum.” you moaned when Ed bit your nipple.
He then kissed your collarbones then you could feel his rough breath on your neck now. He kissed your neck then you felt something flowing inside you.
He releases a lot of sperm inside you. With nothing left. His big cock was still inside you when Lorraine caught you both in the living room.
“So, can we start now?” She asked with a straight face, “of course you can do an exorcism faster than this, right, Ed?”
Ed chuckled, he still hadn't removed his cock from inside you, “yeah hon, give us some time to get dressed again.”
Lorraine left the room still with a straight face. But you know that she really jealous and hurt because she obviously heard all your moans and can imagine how great your sex was. But she can’t do anything for that because she wants her husband to be happy.
You kissed his lips as he pulled his cock out of your pussy, “that was amazing.” you said then he smiled happily.
Your still naked bodies stood up and Ed hugged you from behind, “ready for round two?”
***
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cistematicchaos · 5 months
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This is one of the reasons I don't trust folks who're like "autism doesn't cause violence" or work so hard to separate mental illness or disability from violence because that's not true! Like, meltdowns can be violent! And that's really, really hard to deal with, especially when so much of the rest of the autistic community wants to separate itself from anything like violence or needing a lot of support for being disabled n shit.
And it makes those of us who have violent meltdowns even more isolated and unsafe in a community that is already isolated and made to be unsafe. Fucking get over yourselves and educate yourself. Violence and autism CAN be connected and y'all don't just need to come to terms to that, you need to help DEFEND autistic folks getting targeted by the state n shit because of it! Like, get it together ffs.
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kangmoon27 · 7 months
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CAN'T CHANGE || JUNGKOOK FF ONESHOT
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Pairing: gangster Jungkook × Y/n
Summary: When you tried to change your gangster boyfriend just so that your arrogant parents can accept him.
When you introduce your gangster boyfriend to your parents
It's wrong.
It's wrong to be Inlove with someone like him. Your parents will be so disappointed in you if they ever finds out what kind of man their daughter wants.
He's totally disappointment to your parents, he's far from a perfect man that suits for you.
You need a guy who's rich, elegant looking, handsome and educated while the man that you admired is far from the guy that your parents wants for you.
Just like I said he's a disappoinment. He's like a total opposite of an ideal guy that you should be dating right now.
He's a gangster and from the word gangster you already knew how they actually look like. They're dirty, tattooed, piercing, muscles and all.
You can also include them as criminal and more. And yes he's totally opposite from what your parents imagined you dating with.
Right now you're sitting Infront of your parents while waiting for someone patiently. You're scared, nervous, terrified.
You don't know how to reaction not how your parents will reach after seeing your boyfriend. I mean you're gangster boyfriend.
You just hope they won't be as mad as you've imagine them to be cause right now all you wanted to do is to be true to them and tell the world that you love this man even tho you can be calling dumb for chosing a disaster  rather then a perfect man.
Your phone sounded notification. You look upon it as you saw his messages saying he's already here. Your hand begin to shake. You just keeps looking at your phone prying that your parents won't be as mad as they can be.
A strong arms wrapped around your shoulder. It's him, you know his touch. You look up and saw him smirking at your parents while he's caressing your shoulder.
He has a long curly hair, his bangs is almost covering his eyes, he's wearing a black tights shirt, denim pants with a black belt.
Fuck it, I told him to dress at least a little formal but he came here looking all like that. You're so sure that your parents will literally hate you for being with him.
Yes he looks hot, he always do but at least he could just gave you a consideration. You've prepared everything that he should wear and even remind him that you've already prepared everything but yet he came here wearing all those.
"I think you got the wrong table little boy" You mother said while talking to Jungkook. The man cocked his one eyebrow up and chuckles. He pulled you up as he kissed you Infront of your parents.
You hear them gasping. He's such a jerk how can you fall for someone like him. You tried pushing him away put instead he deepen the kiss as h spank your butt.
All that Infront of your parents.
Soon he finally pulled away. You looked at your parents as you can see the disappointment in their eyes. They're still shocked so you took the chance to walk away while pulling Jungkook along with you.
As you both walk out of the restauran you turn around as you faced him, he pin you on the wall and start kissing you aggressively. You tried pushing him away but he didn't even move Abit.
Soon you successfully pushed him and slap him. He was stunned, you're shocked as well but immediately bring yourself together and glance at him.
You can see his eyes burning once he turned his head on you. You gulped, he has an anger issues and it's not safe to say that even you can't even control it but even tho you knew he's already burning inside you didn't care at all. You made everything just do the meeting with your parents and him will be perfect but he ruined everything. He ruined the chance to prove your parents that he's deserving to have you.
"How can you be soo asshøle. I told you everything that you should do so why do you have to came here looking like that, acting like that and ruined everything!!" You shouted at him.
You're so mad. He just stared at you, your anger begin to raise seeing like like that, he acted like he actually never cared about anything, he just stood up there while you're in down on the wall and staring right Infront of your eyes.
"Speak, do you really want me? Do you love me? Maybe you don't because you just literally wasted the chance of you proving my parents that you're actually deserving of having me. Yes you don't love me."
"You can never change me Yn. Yes I ruined it but I didn't ruined everything. I can't just pretend Infront of them and keep on pretending everytime I'm Infront of them. This is me and I thought you love me but seems like you don't cause if you do you won't try to change me just so I can fit inside your perfect family. If you love me you would accept me by me not change me.
Jungkook let go on you, you stared at him with tears on your eyes. At that moment he made you realized you're actually the one who ruined everything and right now you're actually the man who's ruining your relationship with him by trying to change who he is.
You watched him walking towards his bike while putting his helmet on, before he could even jump in his motorcycle you immediately run towards him while hugging him from the back.
He stopped. You heard him sighing while you're crying behind him. He pulled your hand away from him and faced you. Wiping your tears away and pulled you inside his embrace.
"I'll come with you, you're right I shouldn't be changing you, I should be accepting because I love you. I'm sorry" you crys while Jungkook is trying to calm you down.
"I understand baby, I love you." He pulled you into a kiss before pulling away and made you wore your helmet.
Getting on his bike while he did the same. You wrapped you arms around his waist as he drove away.
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chlorinecake · 8 months
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PART 2: GHOST FACE YANDERE imagine
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Blood On Ice | 얼음에 피 - a park sunghoon ff
⚡︎ cw: mentions of suicide, violence, character deaths, swearing, underage drinking, pregnancy/marriage themes, lgbtq+ themes, non-con scenes, heavy petting/kissing, ft. other kpop idols
⚡︎ summary: your unexpected pregnancy causes yandere!Sunghoon to grow unhealthily obsessed with you. the ex ghost face killer is then driven to dangerous extremes to ensure that you remain his (read part 1 and part 3)
⚡︎ wc: 13.6k (sorryyyy)
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❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆now and then
Love always had a way of making Sunghoon Park go a little mad at times. Though, the young charmer with a deviant undercut was more of a threat to himself than anyone else around him. His obsessive tendencies led to him developing an obsession with the very thing he feared most: losing someone he loved.
Coupled with his compulsion to protect that love at all costs, Sunghoon ranked up an impressive kill count over the past three years.
Some may consider his inner world to be one of blind devotions, vanity, and false justices. Another might ask what’s so monstrous about fighting for love?
Everything, Sunghoon would warn you.
He lived day after day, feeling like a menace in love's never-ending nightmare, when all he ever wanted to be was the hero. He thought that if he killed just a little more, that maybe love would hurt a little less. But, to be honest, there was more to Sunghoon's violence than noble love. In a world of prey, murder granted him power, even amongst predators, a power that would drive him to dangerous extremes for the rest of his life.
Sunghoon discovered his true self in the very darkness that haunted him. The same darkness he would eventually find you in, hoping that someday, your light might consume him and grant him peace. Besides, you were the only 'good' he knew after his sister's passing.
It caught him off guard, his feelings for you.
Sunghoon grew fond of you beyond the fleeting satisfaction your body bestowed him by force, or during tearful fits after he'd just beaten you senselessly.
Oh, he thought you were such a pretty crier, it gave him a rush he wished to feel forever.
You were addicting, his new favorite drug.
꒷꒦ 𝐟𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤, 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐚𝐠𝐨…
The sound of school bells shattered your fragile sense of contentment, signaling for you and the rest of your disappointed peer's to attend the most detested class of the day: Physical education.
That day's roster consisted of a brutal dodgeball game, girl's versus boys. You weren't typically in the mood to have rubber balloons launched at your head, so you successfully escaped class under the lie that you were experiencing unbearable cramps. Mr. Peterson, your P.E teacher, handed you a hall pass, dismissing you from participation.
You made your way to the ladies restroom, located only a few steps from the gymnasium. Walking up to one of the bathroom sinks, you checked yourself out in the mirror, only to be met with the sound of hushed sobs, coming to a full stop upon the realization that someone else had entered the restroom.
"Hello?" Your voice echoed against the faded tile walls.
Hiccup.
The suppressed cry that slipped from her throat gave away her hiding spot. You paced down to the furthest bathroom stall, your gym sneakers squeaking with each step.
Knock, knock, knock.
"Are you alright in there?" You whispered, pressing your face flush against the obviously unlocked door.
"Please, just go away," the sullen voice begged you.
You sighed, "I hope you're not naked in there, because I'm coming in, anyway."
The sobs only heightened in response.
"Three," you began counting down, "two... one," you slung the heavy door open, revealing a teary eyed Wonyoung Park, sitting with her knees to her chest on the cold restroom floor, still in uniform.
You got on your knees to meet her before handing her a tissue.
"Thank you," she frowned, blowing her nose.
Your gaze swiveled around the gloomy stall, spotting a rectangular blue box stuffed in the trash can.
Reaching for it, Wonyoung gently swatted your hand, pulling your attention back to her.
"Please don't look at that," she pleaded, using her delicate fingers to dry her swollen eyes.
"Why're you crying?"
"It's really none of your business."
"Tell me or else I'm looking in the trash can."
She scoffed at your threat, crossing her arms again. "What's it to you anyway? We hardly know each other and now I'm supposed to give you life updates?"
"I'm just looking out for you, okay? It's a pretty big deal to find a girl crying in a school restroom with no explanation."
Wonyoung toyed with the beaded bracelet on her wrist, letting your words sink in before responding.
"Fine. I'll tell you why, but only if you share a secret in return."
“Seriously?” You asked both offended and surprised at the simple exchange.
“Yes, now start talking or I'll change my mind,” she giggled, nose still stuffy from her crying.
“Hmm,” you pondered, sitting crisscross applesauce as you struggled to think of something. Then it hit you.
“Well, it’s actually a secret about my friend, Kazuha, if that’s okay.”
“Of course, now go on," she directed eagerly, peering in closer as you started to speak.
“Okay, so, it all started with Jay's house party during freshman year. A simple game of truth or dare led to us having to kiss each other."
"On the lips?"
"Yes, but it was only a quick peck. The next day, she confessed her feelings for me, but I rejected her for the sake of our friendship.”
By now, you could hardly tell Wonyoung had been crying, as her white eyes widened with pure shock.
“Kazuha’s a lesbian?!”
“Shh! Keep it down,” you whispered, eliciting a fit of giggles from Wonyoung. “And no, she’s bisexual. That means she's interested in guys and girls."
Wonyoung stared at the ceiling in thought, “Y'know, now that I think about it, I do remember her peeking at me in the showers a few times.”
“Wonyoung!” You whisper-yelled.
“What? I didn’t mind or anything. I just thought it was a little strange.”
“I think you're forgetting something, missy," you said, reminding her of the deal you made earlier.
“Oh, right. Sorry,” she smiled before her restored countenance returned to the sad expression you found her with. She swiped the cardboard box from the trash can, placing it in your lap.
It was a pregnancy test.
No more words needed to be exchanged for you to know why she was crying, but she went on to explain anyways.
"Me and Jun-Hwan were together a few times, and... I... we used protection, but... just don't tell my brother. Please."
"You won't have to worry about me telling a single soul about this," you replied, shoving the box in your gym shorts pocket to throw away later.
Back then, you and Wonyoung didn't know each other well, but you divulged secrets you wouldn't have told anyone else, sharing a bond just close enough to be considered 'pending friends.' Your silly pinky promises to her have remained unbroken to this very day, cherishing her secrets as if they were your own. However, your connection with Wonyoung was short lived, as you would eventually betray her for Kaz and Mads.
➠ sunday -❆- present, one month after your abduction...
5:56am
The sound of your vomit clashing with the clear toilet water every morning became somewhat familiar for you and Sunghoon over the past few weeks. First, you felt the urge angrily twisting in your stomach. Then, your cheeks started to sting from the acidic saliva forming underneath your tongue. On bare knees with a hunched back, clinging to the toilet bowl with all your might, Sunghoon held your hair back, gravely concerned for your well being as you threw up for the nth time that morning.
It goes without saying that Sunghoon handled you harshly at times, but your escalating symptoms led him to believe that it was more than just some strange abuse response you developed.
You also began to experience backaches and tender breasts.
“I don’t like being rough with you when you’re already weak, ____, so stop fighting back when I want to play with you.”
Fatigue and intense abdominal cramps made each day under his ruling seem like a century.
“Remember that you’re here to suffer, ____. This pain is something you’ll have to endure for now.”
And then…
You missed your period.
Clutching unto your nearest hand as if never wanting to let go, Sunghoon sat on the edge of the bathtub beside you, anxiously waiting for whatever result dared to appear on the two pregnancy tests.
He picked with the dead skin that made up his nail bed, shallow breaths escaping his rigid body.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Sunghoon leaped at the sound of the alarm, reaching for the tests that rested dauntingly on the bathroom counter. Lifting the results to his eyes, his gaze softened at the sight of double positives, letting out a deep sigh.
"What is it, Sunghoon," you spoke softly, getting up from the tub to meet him. He set the tests on the counter again, turning to face you.
He took both of your trembling hands in his. "____," he began with a whisper, "I need you to listen to me when I say that I am never letting you go. Not with our child, and not without me."
Kissing the top of your head, he held you so impossibly close to him that you could hear his heart beating. “We must stick together now.”
And just like that, everything around you was suddenly changing, your foggy mind could hardly keep up. Sinking into his embrace, you felt both of your bodies simultaneously breaking and rebuilding themselves.
The news was heavy, but something about the idea of being a mother made you feel light.
➠ monday
6:27am
Despite how angry you made him at times, Sunghoon knew he had to tone down his hostility towards you. The potential baby’s health and safety became one of his top priorities, and he refused to risk it all on plain rage.
As far as your academic career was concerned, Sunghoon had clarified a while ago that your college plans were as good as forgotten.
Though, with a possible baby on the way, you were somewhat thankful for him making you drop out.
You and Sunghoon scheduled a doctor's appointment to have your pregnancy confirmed professionally before making any major changes. “So, you’re not worried about bringing me around people anymore?” You asked him, sitting with your legs crossed in the passengers seat of his car.
“I have no reason to be worried. You’ve learned better than to do or say anything stupid. Besides, I’ll be there the entire time. Now sit back and put your seatbelt on.”
You internally rolled your eyes, reaching for the seat belt before buckling it in.
Clink.
You pressed your body against the seat, reclining it backwards to relax your posture.
“Well, does that mean I can leave the basement more often now?”
He snickered to himself, shaking his head at your nonsense. The car rocked slightly as he drove past the stony trail.
“We’ll see what the doctor has to say about your condition. Then, I’ll decide from there.”
7:19am
It was still fairly early in the morning when you and Sunghoon arrived at the hospital. The parking lot was packed with cars and trucks positioned haphazardly in every which way. After finding a decent parking spot, you two made your way into the clinic, large sliding doors closing swiftly behind you.
Immediately, you were met with the sounds of the intercom, murmuring codes and directions from the ceiling speakers. Nurses dressed in pastel shrubs paced hastily up and down the hallways, greeting the two of you with simple yet friendly nods. “Good morning,” one of them would say, but you only waved back.
Eventually, Sunghoon's gaze fixed on the waiting room, guiding your steps as he held your hand. The row of chairs sat frail elderly citizens, runny-nosed children, and other eager patients waiting to be treated. You and Sunghoon found an idle loveseat located near a window next to the noisy air conditioner. You sat closely together, trying to absorb any warmth emitting from your shivering bodies. "How're you feeling?" He asked, toying with a loose thread hanging from your top.
"Nervous,” you admitted, avoiding eye contact with him.
"Don't be," Sunghoon whispered back to you.
That's when a tall man with round spectacles entered the waiting room, earning desperate looks from every person seated in the stuffy square.
"Hello, I'm Dr. Lee, but feel free to call me Heeseung."
Sunghoon left your side, standing up to meet the doctor before giving him a firm handshake. "Nice to meet you, Dr. Lee. My name is Sunghoon Park, and this is my girlfriend, ____."
'There's no way in hell he just called me his girlfriend,' you thought to yourself.
"It's a pleasure to treat you two today," he smiled while adjusted the glasses over his bottom nose, flipping through sheets of paperwork on his clipboard. "Let's see, you scheduled an appointment over the phone for an HCG blood test at 7:30 sharp... Okay! Everything looks great. You two can follow me to my office and I'll be with you shortly."
Heeseung started walking before either of you could respond, your legs mirroring his fast pace as he made his was around the maze of a hospital.
You were present physically, yet your mind was stuck on the image of Dr. Lee's face that stained your mind. He looked relatively young to be a doctor, with the attitude of a preschool teacher, full of glee and optimism. Your first impression of him was odd, though, at the same time, admirable.
Heeseung closed the office door behind you, directing with a simple hand gesture where you and Sunghoon could sit. He flicked on a light before taking a seat himself in a rolling chair, holding the clipboard and pen as if it was a color pallet and paintbrush.
"Okay, so I read something on your report about a previous drugstore pregnancy test?"
"Yes, she took two at home and they both came back positive."
"Awesome! Though, there's nothing wrong with wanting to be 100% sure, which is why we'll be sampling her urine today."
Oh, God.
"Estimate how long ago you suspected to be carrying."
"About two weeks ago,” Sunghoon answered.
"Mhm, and when was your last menstrual cycle?"
A temporary silence filled the room’s air.
"____?" Sunghoon rested a hand on your lap, snatching you from your thoughts.
"Erm, around 6 weeks ago. Sorry."
"It's alright, love. Appointments like this tend to be daunting for women your age. Anyways, if you are pregnant, a dating ultrasound is something you can look into. It helps us determine the precise size of an embryo, if that sounds interesting at all. From the sounds of it though, you're around 12 or so weeks."
Heeseung proceeded to fill the sheet of paper with neat cursive notes down, taking a sip from the Starbucks coffee that sat on his desk, the warm liquid slightly fogging up his glasses.
"Okay, so I have this fun little deer themed folder here, and this is where I'm going to store any notes or important information you provide. I’ll make a copy for myself so you can take this one with you when visiting other medical professionals. What sort of symptoms have you been experiencing, love?”
You looked up to the ceiling in thought, "Uhm, morning sickness has been a major one. I’ve also experienced some abdominal cramps."
"Hmm, I see. Ovary aches are entirely normal during the first weeks of pregnancy, and often follow a mother into her later months."
Simultaneously, your mind both appreciated and stressed over the information overload you were experiencing at this moment.
You understood that Dr. Lee was only trying to equip you with the best information and service possible, but you still couldn’t shake the nerves.
"How often are you and your partner intimate in the bedroom?"
Your heart sank at his question, the word “intimate” being quite far from what occurred between you and Sunghoon, and it rarely took place in a bedroom.
”I’m sorry, what?" Sunghoon asked, also in disbelief.
"How regularly do you and ____ have sex?"
You could feel yourself sweating now.
"Uh-”
"A few times a week,” Sunghoon answered for you again.
You felt so dirty after hearing him say that, it probably showed all over your face.
"And none of you have a history with STI’s or related diseases, correct?"
"Yes. I was her first and I got tested before we tried anything."
What a stupid lie.
Heeseung gathered the notes he made, tucking them into the deer folder. Returning to the clipboard, he flipped to a colorful page, looking up to meet your eyes.
"This is a mental health check sheet. I’m going to ask you a series of questions, and it’s imperative that you answer every single one honestly. Can you promise me that, Miss ____?"
You looked to Sunghoon for permission, and he nodded back to you. "Yes, Dr. Lee, I promise.”
"Awesome! On a scale from strongly agree to strongly disagree, you often experience feelings of anxiety."
"Strongly agree."
"Depression?"
"Agree."
"Calmness?"
"Somewhat disagree."
"Feelings of fear?"
"Strongly agree."
"Suicidal thoughts-"
"I think I've had enough of your silly questions!" Sunghoon interrupted, your body flinching at his sudden raise in vocal tone.
"I’m just proceeding with protocol, sir. I’m not trying to step on your anyone’s toes here. Nice shoes, by the way," the doctor joked, trying to lighten the mood, but Sunghoon wasn't having it.
"She's perfectly fine. Right, ____?” He asked, shaking your shoulder, “Aren't you happy?"
You felt your palms grow clammy, afraid of how Sunghoon might blow up on you for saying the wrong thing, so you kept quite.
"____, is your boyfriend making you feel uncomfortable?"
"You've got to be fucking kidding me."
Heeseung ignored him and continued counseling you, "It’s perfectly normal to feel anxious while answering such personal questions in front of your partner."
"Oh please," Sunghoon interjected.
Heeseung stood up from his rolling chair, standing a few inches above Sunghoon.
"Can you step out of the room for a bit? I’m trying to assess my patient and you're hindering the process. Considering my tight work schedule, I can’t afford to waste my time going back and forth with you."
"Sunghoon," you pleaded from your seat, giving his balled fist a gentle squeeze.
He responded by grabbing your wrist, dragging you from Dr. Lee's office.
"What," he spat harshly, tightening his lips as he pinned you to the now closed door.
"Your temper will only lead to trouble if you stay. I think its best that you step out for a bit while we finish."
His gaze fell to the floor as he considered your idea.
"Fine. I’ll be waiting for you in the car at the same parking spot. You have exactly thirty minutes to finish up with him, or else I’m gonna make sure you’re pregnant once we get back home, understood?” he asked in a low voice, sending shivers down your spine.
“I understand, Sunghoon,” you complied, afraid to meet his eyes.
He stormed off in the opposite direction, leaving you to sort things out with the doctor.
Considering your limited time frame, you rushed into Heeseung’s office, apologizing for Sunghoon’s behavior.
“How soon will results for a urinalysis come back?”
“Normally, no longer than five minutes,” he said, handing you an empty cup. “Take your time, love.”
The excitement you felt from knowing that peeing in a cup could save your ass was strange, yet enjoyable nonetheless. You returned the yellow sample to Dr. Lee, earning your third and final pregnancy confirmation within four minutes.
"Congratulations," Heeseung cheered, holding a bowl of colorful stickers for you to choose from. "I will be your general healthcare provider for the duration of your pregnancy unless any changes are made. I’m available during the week if you need anything, but expect to hear from me weekly,” he smiled as you fished through the stickers. “Don’t stress, just pick one intuitively.”
Taking a deep breath, you closed your eyes befofe pulling out an oddly shaped piece of paper. “A snowflake,” you beemed softly, taking in the glittery periwinkle accents that made up the image.
“It’s been twenty minutes, Miss ____. I’m afraid your boyfriend is waiting on you.”
Your smile faltered, “What did you just say?”
“I said I look forward to treating you again. Have a blessed day, now.”
“R-right, uhm, you too,” you waved, tucking the sticker into your pocket before traveling down a few elevators, making your way to the parking lot. You could see Sunghoon still sitting in the driver’s seat, gripping the steering wheel as he awaited your return.
You sat beside him in the passenger’s seat, remembering to buckle up your seatbelt this time.
“How’d everything go?” He asked nonchalantly, immediately turning on the car ignition.
Pulling out of the parking spot, he made his way around the hospital, cruising down the interstate.
“I’m pregnant.”
➠ tuesday
6:53pm
The sound of Sunghoon's heavy footsteps from behind the basement door broke the little concentration you held while thinking. He unlocked the basement door and entered the still atmosphere, making his way over to where you were sitting. Placing a navy blue suede box on the table, he took a seat beside you.
“What’s this," you asked curiously, eyes trained on the dainty object.
“Just open it," he urged, fidgeting with his fingers.
He wasn't nervous. Was he?
You wasted no time reaching for the navy blue chest, flipping its golden latch open to reveal a shiny silver ring with the most dazzling violet stone at its center. Gold details encased the gem like protective roots of a tree.
You examined the ring further, noticing the name “Park” carved in hangul at its underside.
“Sunghoon-"
“It was my grandmother’s,” he began, stopping you mid sentence. He took the ring from your grasp and slid it down your wedding finger.
So many thoughts were running through your brain now. It was a tragedy how Sunghoon could switch from a complete monster to one of the most gentle creatures you've ever known during moments like this.
"It's beautiful," you admitted with a shaky voice.
He smiled. “You really think so?”
“Mhm,” you barely nodded, tears beginning to form in your eyes. You knew where Sunghoon was going with this, what he was going to ask you, and what your answer should be unless you wanted your tongue ripped from your throat. Sunghoon’s gesture likely arose for reason of you carrying his child. Though, you weren’t oblivious to his growing possessiveness of you. The crooked romance.
He took your hand in his and got on one knee, kissing your cold knuckles. He met your eyes, sporting a look on his face that you couldn’t quite read as you'd never seen his features so sickeningly soft.
“____, will you marry me?”
You fell to your knees at the question, even though you already knew it was coming. Meeting him on the ground, you fell into his arms, crying into the crook of his neck. The now familiar scent of him met your nostrils as your tears dampened his shirt.
Fuck, you could hardly pull yourself together.
Sunghoon smoothed the nerves of your back with the warmth of his hand, trying to calm you down. "Shh," he cooed, patting your head.
“I’m gonna need an answer soon, ____.”
Why wasn’t he forcing you into submission all of a sudden?
You broke from his embrace, wiping the tears that fell from your eyes. His hand was still busy running over your skin, trying his best to soothe you.
Placing your hands on his shoulders, you looked him earnestly in the face, taking what felt like the deepest breath of your life. You knew it was for the best. You knew you couldn't say 'no.'
“I’ll marry you, Sunghoon.”
The tension in his body disappeared out of relief. He took your chin in his hand, kissing you on the lips this time, eyes fluttering at the pure bliss your taste brought him.
“Thank you, ____,” he smiled softly, “I’ll try my hardest to make you love me.”
꒷꒦ 𝐟𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤, 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐚𝐠𝐨…
“She’s pretty for nothing with a personality denser than a brick,” Kazuha whispered, taking a bite of her burrito.
“Too bad her baby daddy’s six feet underground. I guess that means child support isn’t an option anymore,” Maddison added, feigning a pout.
“As if her spoiled rich ass would need it anyway,” Kazuha went on, wiping some sauce from the corner of her mouth.
“Wanna trade lunches? I’ve got tuna on wheat with French fries," you chirped in between the two gossiping girls.
“Hell no! I’m keeping my chicken wrap, girly. Enjoy your canned fish.”
“Oh God, here she comes,” Maddison said with a mischievous grin, eyeing Wonyoung as she walked through the cafeteria.
“Do you think her skirt is way too high or is it just her long as fuck giraffe legs?” Kazuha asked facetiously.
“I’m surprised she got past the school entrance with that on,” you observed, taking a sip from your water bottle.
“Hell, if I had a brother that looked like Sunghoon, I’d totally be down for incest,” Maddison shamelessly admitted.
“That was so random, get some help, chick,” you laughed, nudging her shoulder.
“Ugh, fuck, yes! Yes! Just like that, don’t stop. Mmm, feels so fucking good! Nghh, I’m gonna cum,” Kazuha performed with screwed eyebrows as Wonyoung sat down a few tables across from you and your friends. "Was that convincing enough, Wonnie?" Maddison poked, grabbing a handful of your fries before launching them in her direction. Salt remnants from the fried snack decorated Wonyoung’s coal black hair. She hid behind her bangs, terribly embarrassed from all the harassment. “Aww, looks like she’s shy with the lights on, ladies!”
Wonyoung got up from her seat with haste, walking towards the cafeteria exit as she carried the lunch tray with such a grip that her knuckles turned pink.
“Oh, you want us to meet you in the bathroom? Such a dirty girl,” Maddison cackled.
Those were some of the same sounds that kept Wonyoung awake at night.
“How’s your brother doing?” You asked, redirecting her attention on you.
“Why?” Maddison inquired back, sounding offended by your question.
“Dunno. Just thought I should ask.”
She took a deep breath before answering, “Max’s condition isn’t really improving yet, but the doctors are doing everything they can to help him get better.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” you and Kazuha said in unison.
“Don’t be. Being sorry is for homos, anyways.”
➠ monday -❆- present, one week later
9:30am
The hospital soon became a sweet place to you, an appreciated break from the basement you typically spent your days in.
Dr. Lee clarified the difficulties of distinguishing a baby’s gender as early as 13 weeks, but Sunghoon was desperate, scheduling you for a dating ultrasound.
Sunghoon wouldn't accompany you at the clinic today, due to academic obligations. In spite of his personal vendetta against you, he seemed genuinely serious about this new chapter in his life.
After stopping for breakfast at Café Royale, Sunghoon dropped you off at the hospital around 10 am, leaving for his first class of the day.
You made your way to the hospital’s fifth floor, greeting all of the friendly nurse faces that you'd grown to be more familiar with over the past week. There was a slight delay before Dr. Lee called you into his office.
"Good morning, Miss ____. Got any good rest last night," he asked, flipping through random sheets of paper on his famous clipboard.
"Morning, Heeseung. I don't work long shifts like you all week, so I really can't complain." Something about your comment made him smile.
"Oh, so I'm 'Heeseung' now? Or is that only when your boyfriend's not around?"
"Uh, it's not like that," you stammered.
"Relax, I was only teasing. You can take a seat on the metal bed for me and I'll be right with you," he said, rolling up his long sleeve turtleneck before slipping on a pair of blue latex gloves. "Alright, let's see what we have here," he began, sliding over in his rolling chair. He pulled your shirt over your stomach, massaging a clear gel against your lower abdomen.
"If I'm being honest, you seem nervous. Is everything okay, love?"
"Yeah, just a little anxious," you admitted, thinking about how desperately Sunghoon wanted a daughter, and the 50/50 chance he had at getting one.
"Well, I can assure you that you have nothing to worry about. Your recent blood work looks good, the baby glow is kicking in...you're in a good place, Miss ____."
"Ow," you winced at the pressure he applied to your stomach.
"Your baby bump is hardly noticeable, I'm surprised you felt anything, but discomfort is normal" he pointed out. "Everything feels great. He's gonna be a healthy fellow.”
“Or she," you blurted out.
"Of course. A little princess would bring all the more joy to you and Mr. Park's life... oh," he paused, running a finger over the scar above your navel.
“Was that from an impulsive high school belly button ring,” he laughed to himself, going to grab the x-ray handcamera. The memory of Sunghoon poking you with the knife reminisced in your mind. Shaking it off, you tried redirecting your mind on a different topic. “Not exactly,” you admitted, “I don’t think it’s best that you treat me anymore.”
Heeseung gave you an offended look through his glasses, temporarily retreating the x-ray from your stomach.
“What? Am I being too rough? I can be gentle, I swear! Or was it my dad jokes?”
You wanted to tell him the truth, tell him that Sunghoon was a psychopath who’d kill anyone he deemed a potential threat to his love. Deep down, you had feelings for Heeseung, and the sooner you cut off contact with him, the better. Not wanting to be responsible for taking away his smile, you came up with an excuse.
“I don’t wanna make anyone jealous.”
“Jealous? Who, Mr. Park? I mean, your boyfriend?”
The word 'boyfriend' floated around in your mind. What a horrendous word to describe your relationship with Sunghoon. You could hardly get over the fact that he was your fiancé.
A look waved over your features that led Heeseung to believe guess was right.
"Well, I'll finish up the ultrasound and give you a dvd copy of the footage for you and Sunghoon to watch at home."
"Home." All of this was becoming too much for you to handle right now.
“I know what it's like to deal with a paranoid partner, ____. I won’t persuade you to follow anything but your first mind.”
“Thank you for understanding, Heeseung,” you said as he ran the camera over your stomach, the mirrored TV showing the blurry scan of your uterus. "I'm just doing my job," he smiled, analyzing the screen with a finger. “It’s a girl,” he pointed as you tried to discern the image.
Pushing himself from the metal bed, he removed his gloves, grabbing two large disinfectant wipes from his desk, one for your stomach, and the other for the x-ray camera.
“I’ll send Mr. Park the credentials and office number of your new health provider after I sort some things out with another professional. You should expect to receive the necessary information by tomorrow evening.”
You took in all that he said, almost feeling like you made the wrong decision. Doctor visits wouldn't be nearly as enjoyable without Heeseung being there. Getting up from the metal bed, you tossed your purse over your shoulder, looking him in the eyes.
“I’ll see you next time,” you smiled, heading to the door. That was all it took for him to know that you didn’t actually want to stop seeing him.
“Oh, and ____?”
You turned, a happy smile displayed upon his face. He was so close to perfect, you could cry.
“It would make me, your baby, and the entire clinical staff exceedingly happy if you went home and ate a steak. Doctors orders and what not.”
A moment of silence filled the air before you laughed at his request, feelings a sense of joy dance in your stomach. A joy that Sunghoon tried so desperately to take from you.
"Alright, Dr. Lee. I won't let you down!" You replied, closing his office door.
Fabulous, now you have a crush on your doctor while secretly engaged to a ex ghost face killer who’s daughter you’re carrying.
➠ friday, a few days later
10:47pm
This was Sunghoon's very first time at a bar, and likely one of his last. Cosmetically, the establishment was a fan favorite, reeling in patrons on a hook of visual appeal. The menu offered a plethora of exciting drinks, ranging from vibrant fruity flavors to warm and creamy mixes. Still and all, the dreary atmosphere of the pub beckoned costumers in, lugging them into a depressive state that would linger til their hangover passed. For the lot of them, the aforementioned events would be relived again and again every Friday night after working a 9-5 job. They'd wash all their problems away with the help of a pricy drink and a few catchy songs before completely blacking out. Though, Sunghoon wasn't here for a half-decent time and cheap conversation. He was on a mission that involved a crowded environment with zero sober witnesses, a sharp knife, and the perfect victim: Maddison Dupont.
She was beautiful to say the least, with a radiant smile and cheekbones like a movie star.
Sunghoon remembered Maddison's hair being longer from when he last saw her at Wonyoung's funeral, but she cut it to her shoulders some time after, putting her natural brunette waves on full display. She wore a black leather jacker, black leather pants, and well, black leather booties. Sunghoon being the psychology major he was, had a habit of profiling people based off their appearance and body language.
'She's attractive and tall, wearing high boots with a short haircut. She wants to come off as intimidating, powerful, hence the natural makeup look. The all black get up likely alludes to hidden negative emotions, the parts of herself she wants to hide,' Sunghoon noted to himself, analyzing her from afar.
"I'll have a gin and tonic cocktail, with light ice this time," she said to the bartender, feigning an entitled persona.
"Hopefully you don't plan on ordering me around like this after my shift, Mads. You know I’m usually more dominant with women," the bartender replied, flashing her a smirk.
"Usually, huh? Is that an invitation?" She teased, using her tongue to seductively toy with a plastic straw, earning a shrug from the busy server as he prepared her cocktail.
"Depends."
She scoffed dramatically.
"Pfft. Why?"
"Because. From the looks of it, you use teeth," he replied, eyeing the way she nibbled at the tip of the straw.
"Oh c'mon! Don't be so vanilla-"
Screech.
Sunghoon pulled out a bar stool beside the talkative brunette, dragging it across the hard floor before taking a seat.
The bartender slid Maddison her drink, wiping the moisture from his hands before meeting Sunghoon's dark eyes. "Fresh face. Welcome in! What can I get for you tonight, sir?"
"Uhh, I'll start with a sample of your best whiskey and go from there," Sunghoon replied, glancing at the server's name tag: 'JAY PARK.'
"Hmm, we have the same last name," Sunghoon added, putting on a smile that Jay returned.
Maddison looked up from her cocktail, finally facing the mystery man who sat beside her. Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion at the sight of him before a light bulb went off in her head.
"Oh. My. God. If it isn’t Sunghoon-fucking-Park live and in the flesh. Please tell me you remember who I am," she pouted hopefully in her naturally raspy voice.
Maddison was always a fast talker, her friendly smile and youthful nature often winning her a sense of popularity and close companionship. It’s one of the main reasons why Sunghoon was here tonight. Despite Kazuha’s venomous tendencies, Maddison was the head “mean girl” back when Wonyoung was in high school. The primary instigator and initiator of every wrongdoing that his little sister endured up until her passing. For Sunghoon, letting Maddison live after everything that happened wasn’t an option. He decided to retire his ghost face attire after Kazuha, as it was only gonna get in the way of fulfilling his mission smoothly. After talking to a few of her colleagues, it was easy to determine Maddison’s precise whereabouts on a typical Friday night like this.
"Yeah, you went to high school with my sister. I could never forget that."
"I- I don't even know where to start! Uhm, you can call me Mads," she smiled, reaching out to shake his hand. Her breath hitched at the mere contact with his skin, sending a rush of nerves through her stomach. Or maybe it was the shots from earlier starting to kick in?
"Wow, I never thought you could get more handsome! It’s crazy how time flies, you know? Gosh, I used to have the biggest crush on you back then. Wonyoung hated me for it.”
I’m sure that wasn’t the only thing she hated you for, he thought to himself.
“Wait- I’m being rude! How've you been these days? It's been forever!"
Jay rolled his eyes at Maddison's gawking, his cheerful serving demeanor faltering in the presence of Sunghoon. It was barely two minutes ago that she was seducing Jay with a straw of all things, and now, the chances of him and her hanging out later were slim to none. He placed the bottle of whiskey back in its respective place on the alcohol shelf behind him, handing Sunghoon a short glass of the sample he'd ordered.
"I've been good, thanks for asking. College is kicking my ass at the moment, but there's this one girl who's been keeping me company. A sweet distraction, if you will."
He lifted the cup to his lips, taking a thick sip of the bronze drink before letting the flavors meddle on his tongue. It was an aromatic blend with notes of French vanilla, cinnamon, and hazelnut.
"What do you think," Jay asked, searching Sunghoon's features for any clue.
"It's delicious! I'll let you know if I need anything else."
"Of course," Jay bowed before busying himself with other costumers. That was better than watching Maddison ogle over Sunghoon Park for the next hour.
She noted that Sunghoon mentioned another girl, so she toned down her excitement.
"So, are you in school, too?"
"Nope. I forfeited all my scholarships after Max passed. I just didn't have the drive to do it anymore. Not without my twin," she paused, swallowing the lump in her throat before continuing.
"Now I work at a call center during the week and every Sunday, I volunteer as a tour guide for the city.”
Sunghoon simply nodded in response, the memory of murdering Max reliving itself behind his dark eyes. He wondered if Maddison's screams would sound anything like Max's did. They both had pretty big mouths, after all.
"I get where you're coming from. Sorry for your loss, Max was a good guy," Sunghoon said, forcing an empathetic expression upon his face.
"No worries, hun. We both know what its like to lose someone we shared the biggest part of ourselves with. The person we loved most," she replied, picking up her drink and holding it in the air. "A toast. To staying strong and treading on after all of life’s fucked up happenings," she added, showcasing her striking blue eyes.
"To surviving! Cheers," Sunghoon smiled, returning the gesture.
Clink.
Their glass cups collided, taking the final sip of their drinks in unison.
Sunghoon placed the empty glass on the countertop, tucking a one hundred dollar bill under the coaster before getting up from his seat.
"I'm gonna head outside for a bit," he said, walking toward the bar exit, disappearing into the black of the night.
Maddison placed a twenty under her drink, glancing at the exit before getting up from her seat.
Jay reached over the counter and grabbed her hand, eagerly trying to get her attention now.
She turned to face him, giving him an impatient look.
"Mads, you're not gonna go anywhere with him, are you?"
"Oh, please. Don't be so jealous-"
"I'm not being jealous. I’m looking out for you," Jay clarified, his voice sounding more serious.
"Just promise me you'll be careful."
"Jay."
"Promise me, Maddison!" Jay half-yelled in desperation.
She sighed, leaning over the bar and looking him I the eyes.
"I promise," she smiled softly, kissing the birthmark on his neck, causing his grip on her hand to loosen before completely letting go.
"And thank you, Jay. For everything! The cocktail was lovely," she added, giving him a playful high five.
“Any time, Maddie. See you around,” he replied, trying to mask the growing blush on his cheeks with coolness.
“See ya,” she waved, heading out of the bar to meet Sunghoon.
It didn't take long for her to spot him, standing beside his shiny black car. The sound of her boots hitting the damp pavement echoed through the parking lot, gracing Sunghoon’s keen ears.
Bingo.
"Nice car," she complimented, running a hand through her brown locks. Sunghoon didn't respond, simply unlocking the car and getting in the driver’s seat. His window's were rolled down, compelling Maddison to go against the very thing Jay just asked her not to do. Peering at him from where she stood, she placed her hands on her hips, voicing her request.
"Would it be too much if I asked you to take me on a joyride?"
11:19pm
Sunghoon was getting used to chauffeuring around naive young women after hours. He happily obliged to Maddison's foolish petition, as we both know he had other plans for her tonight.
“You’re not some kind of serial killer, right?” Maddison asked, about three minutes into the ride.
"Would you chicken out if I said yes?" Sunghoon teased her, gripping onto the steering wheel.
"You're cheeky."
"And you're playing a dangerous game with your life, young lady."
“Tell me about it,” Maddison replied nonchalantly, digging into her jacket pocket before pulling out a tiny cardboard box.
Click.
A warm light flickered beside him.
Click.
The sound of a hot flame against a dry object hit his ears.
Sunghoon finally looked away from the road to find that the source of the clicking was coming from the purple pocket lighter Maddison held in her hand, desperately trying to light a fresh cigarette.
“What the hell are you doing?” Sunghoon asked in disgust.
“Roll down a window or something,” she replied without meeting his eyes, inhaling the hot fog before blowing it past her plump lips.
“I don’t care if you wanna punish your lungs for keeping you alive everyday! Just don’t smoke in my fucking car!” Sunghoon reprimanded her through gritted teeth. He didn’t mean to raise his voice at her, but the anger was starting to override his composure.
“Has anyone ever told you how hot you get when you’re bossy?” Maddison joked, giving his tense thigh a playful squeeze.
Oh, the way Jay would cry just to hear her say that.
She stared out the window again, her thick brown waves following her movements.
“Would it kill you to respect my vehicle?”
All she did was snicker in response, a clicking noise filling the air as she toyed with purple pocket lighter once again.
She took a moment to yawn, reclining her jaw before answering. “Hmm. Probably not, but I don’t really care to find out, anyways.”
Click.
The tip of the cigarette burned red as she focused intensely on the simple action of lighting it.
Sunghoon looked from the road, eyes burning with rage as she put the cigar between her dry lips, inhaling yet another puff of toxins into her body.
Stretching her neck up, she blew the smelly cloud against the ceiling, staining the roof of his car and fogging out the windows.
He snatched the hot stick from her grasp, her head springing up immediately, eyeing him lustfully. “So we’re getting handsy now, I see. How would your girl feel about thi-“
Sunghoon shoved the red hot end of the cigar into her neck, sizzling her pale skin to a burnt hue.
“Ahh! You crazy bastard,” she yelped in shock, using her arm to push him away from her, but he had already parked somewhere in the forest, exiting the car with a harsh slam of his door.
“Where the hell do you think you’re going,” she yelled out for him, stammering from the vehicle with unstable steps.
She was way more drunk than she would’ve liked to admit, explaining her strange change in behavior.
By now, Sunghoon was walking into his log cabin, waiting patiently at the kitchen dining table for her to come out looking for him.
A kitchen knife sat idly on his lap as he gripped its handle in his right hand.
Maddison observed the cabin before running in, following the trail of dirt his shoes left behind him. Whipping around the kitchen corner, she spotted him at the table, laughing at a thought in her head. “Are you gonna declare a thumb war or something,” she cackled, not sure as to why Sunghoon ran to the kitchen of all places. She went to touch her neck, flinching at the sore he burned on her, reminding her why she chased after him in the first place. All he did was sit and stare at her, maintaining deadly eye contact. Maddison was far from intimidated, walking towards him with a dumb smirk on her face.
“You’re a freak, y’know that Sunghoon?” She spat, shaking her head again. “An empty-hearted spoiled freak!” She landed a harsh sting across his cheek, her own hand hurting from the act. Her chest heaved, trying to catch her breath from the minor exertion of energy. Her lack of sobriety was really taking a toll on her physically.
Screech.
Sunghoon pushed himself away from the table, standing up a few inches over her with the knife in his hand.
She simply glared at the weapon, chuckling to herself again.
“Is that supposed to scare me, little boy?”
He tilted his head at her ignorance, mirroring the smirk that rest upon her features. Playing with the tip of the knife, Sunghoon closed the space between her and him to the point where they were only a mere kiss apart.
“Hmm. Probably not, but I don’t really care to find out, anyways.”
The knife cut through her stomach like butter as she hurled over his hand, widening her eyes at the intense pain. He shoved the knife even further, causing a weak whimper to fall from her mouth. Guttural coughs filled the atmosphere as blood trickling down his hands from how closely the blade impaled her. Sunghoon pouted facetiously at how pathetic she appeared in front of him.
Releasing herself from the blade, she senselessly tried to run away. Though, Sunghoon could keep up with her hindered pace just by walking.
“Get the hell away from me!!” She screamed at the top of her lungs, the cigarette and lighter falling from her jacket pocket.
She made her way outside to the front porch, taking a seat against the closest tree she could get to before her strength ran out. Sunghoon soon met her outside, holding a jug of gasoline in one hand, and her purple lighter in the other.
She looked up from the puddle of blood she was creating on the grass, shaking her head in misery at the sight of this deranged Sunghoon.
“Please, don’t do this to me,” she sobbed, black tear marks from her eyeliner staining her cheeks.
Splash.
The pungent odor of the gasoline burned her nostrils as the cold substance leaked from her head to her lap.
“Oh my God,” she sniffled, squirming under his dark shadow.
Click.
“Speaking of, maybe God can roll down a window for you. Or… something,” he shrugged, tossing the lighter onto her lap as flames engulfed her entire body, the sounds and smells of death disturbing the tranquil forest air.
“Hmm, turns out her and Max do have the same screams.”
Maddison died within a few minutes, but her body continued to burn for the next hour or two. Sunghoon would eventually bury her corpse that morning once it cooled down, only to wash away the scent of smoke, blood, and any other trace of her for the remainder of his day. Afterwards, he would figure out what to do about his smoke show of a car.
What a lovely way to spend one’s weekend off.
➠ sunday
“I saw Maddison at the bar the other night.”
Your heart jumped at the name of your friend from high school. She went totally radio silent after her brother passed away. You remember her giving up sports and even college because of how broken she was after everything. You couldn't help but wonder how her life was turning out so far.
“Really?" You inquired eagerly. "What'd she say? How is she?”
“Dead,” he smiled sinisterly before sitting behind you, caging you between his long legs as he massaged your scalp.
You could feel your hands start to shake with a mix of different emotions, none of which being positive.
He really did it again.
“You said you wouldn’t kill anymore people.”
“She was the last person on my hit list, ____, and you know I have my reasons. Just be lucky that your relatives are still in the picture.”
You wouldn't put it past Sunghoon to hurt your family. He was a cold blooded killer and murder was like second nature to him.
“It’ll never stop with you. You'll never stop hurting people. You can't."
“Relax your mind, princess, stress isn’t good for the baby.”
“Neither is a deranged psycho killer for a father who keeps mommy locked up in a basement for days at a time, but what do I know? At least parent career day's at school will be interesting,” you thought to yourself.
Ahhh!
Sunghoon balled a handful of your hair in one fist at each side of your head, aggressively tugging at the strands.
You just realized that you said that out loud.
He pulled tighter as you held in your groans, forcing choked whines to spill from your lips.
“S- Sunghoon! Let go!” You whimpered, reaching for his feral grip on your hair with desperate hands.
He twitched in his pants at the agonizing sounds you made. He never understood why he found a terrorized you so arousing.
You felt your bottom lift from the ground before plopping back down with a loud thud, your scalp stinging with hot pain. Surely you had a few bald spots now.
“Massage time’s over,” Sunghoon growled before finally releasing his tantalizing grip from your hair, only for him to pin your wrists to the cold wooden floor. The look in his eyes was enough to have you scared shitless.
“I’ll show you just how deranged I am.”
He flipped you on your stomach, pulling your hips towards his bulge. Linking his fingers at the waistband of your underwear, he pulled your bottoms down to your knees, followed by his own.
He pried your legs open, revealing a string of wetness coating your swollen lips. He almost drooled at the sight, lining his tip at your throbbing hole before shoving himself in. He started to pump you from behind, squelching noises filling the rooms humid air. Tears started to pour over your eyelids, hitting the cold floor like raindrops. Sunghoon wanted to savor every ripple that made up your heat, but his desire to come caused him to thrust at an extreme pace, wobbly moans escaping your mouth. Your face was now flesh against the flood, his rough palm pushing into your cheek as you bounced against his pelvis, swallowing his cock. He leaned down, sticking the middle and index finger of his free hand into your mouth.
“Suck it,” he ordered, and you did, parting your mouth for him as your warm saliva coated his fingers. “Harder than that, princess,” he encouraged you, tightening your lips around his digits. You were started to feel dizzy from all the different sensations.
“Fuck” he grunted, flipping you on your back before pumping into you again at the same pace. He traced a tear that fell down your cheek with his tongue, leaning closer to whisper in your ear.
“Kiss me,” he nearly begged, grabbing at your jaw. You shook your head beneath him, pleading with your eyes for all of this to stop.
Slap.
You winced at the sting, a choked sob slipping past your lips. He forced your lips open with his hand, spitting in your mouth before dominating your tongue with his own, a string of saliva webbing from your lips to his as he broke from the sloppy kiss. You whimpered at his act, vision becoming blurry from the tears clouding your eyes. You reached up a hand to cover your sobs, the sounds being too gruesome even for your own ears.
“Don’t be shy, baby, I wanna hear how badly you want this, how good I’m making you feel.”
Your started to feel numb from all of his thrusting, regretfully clenching around him.
“So fucking good, baby,” he cooed, moving his hand down to stimulate your throbbing clit. He maneuvered the pallets of his fingers in circular motions against your sensitive spot, causing you to moan loudly.
“Look at you? Losing your mind all over my cock,” he leaned down, biting into your shoulder. “Come for me, yeah?”
You cried at the sharpness, arching your back. He was beyond delusional.
“That’s not an answer, baby.”
“F- fuck, Sunghoon, I can't t-take this anymore, just shut up” you whimpered, tears wetting the back of your head.
He held your knees at an angle, grinding into you like his life depended on it. You could tell that he was close because of how his thrusts quickened. You dreaded that you could feel your own climax taking over you, as your body tensed up before you came all over his dick. Shortly after, he painted your walls with warm spurts of his pearly release. Slowing down his movements, he ran his palms over your legs, trying to ease your shaking from the overstimulation. He kissed your lips one last time before pulling out, readjusting your clothes first before fixing his own. He lay down beside you, cradling your exhausted body in his arms before drifting off to sleep.
➠ tuesday
You’ve been living with Sunghoon for the past three months, and he was never one to feed you according to nutritional values. You weren’t sure if it was a part of punishment or simply a lack of consideration, but your daily diet was limited to canned foods or broth. So when you told Sunghoon that Dr. Lee advised you to incorporate more steak into your diet, he wasn’t too fond of listening.
Instead, he’d get dressed in hunting apparel, losing himself for the next hour before bringing you a slab of mystery meat that he wouldn’t even eat with you. He’d just rest it on your plate with a drizzle of olive oil, and tell you to ‘eat up.’
“I appreciate your gesture, Sunghoon, but I can’t help to ask what you killed for this?”
Sometimes, talking to him was like walking on egg shells. He always wore the same blank face, so you never knew if your words would earn you a harsh slap or kiss on the lips. You tried your best to season every sentence you spoke to him with propriety and respect. It was one of the only ways you knew to protect yourself.
He’d conceal the growing mischief that wanted to show as a smile on his face, simply pacing around the kitchen with his hands behind his back.
“Only the forest’s finest for my mother with child,” he teased.
“Sunghoon,” you pressed, not being in the mood for his sarcasm.
“I’ll tell you once you finish it. All of it. Now hurry before it gets cold,” he warned, taking a seat across from you.
The kitchen fell silent as you used a fork and knife to divide the meat into small bites. The taste was gamey, and rather tough in texture, but you commended Sunghoon on seasoning it well.
He stared intently at your every movement as if anticipating something.
You were about half way done when he stood up from the table, walking towards the kitchen pantry.
Sunghoon grinned to himself, reaching his arm into the closet and pulling out a female’s dead body from behind the door.
“She’s a little past her expiration date, but I’m sure she tasted splendid nonetheless,” he quirked, flashing you a grin so devilish that his fangs showed.
You looked down at your plate and noticed a strand of wavy brown hair sticking from under the meat.
Oh my God.
“Maybe we could start selling “prime Maddison” at the market! Talk about a limited time offer!” Sunghoon laughed as if their was an audience. Meanwhile you were on the verge of vomitting.
Sunghoon was gripping Maddison’s corpse by a handful of her hair, a few of her once beautiful teeth missing from her swollen black gums. He punched her skull in the face, using the hair as a way to maneuver his newfound punching bag, chunks of decay flying from his knuckles. You assumed he got bored of that as he dropped her body, walking over to the windowsill before picking up a steaming pot.
“Bone appétit,” he chimed, pouring the contents of the hot pot into a small bowl for you. Human teeth were swimming in the mixture, with what appeared to be a few toes in there, too.
“Eat it!” Sunghoon ordered, beating on the table with death stained fists. Tears poured from your eyes like waterfalls as he screamed his lungs out, spit flying from his agressive commands.
Growing impatient, he walked around the table, grabbing you by the throat.
“I said eat it, you stupid bitch!”
You woke up heaving for air, your clothes clinging to your body from your night sweats. You looked around, but the room was so dark that you couldn’t see anything. “Sunghoon!” You called out for him, but to no avail. You were completely alone in the basement, like you always were, but a part of you desired comforting so desperately. You wanted him to hold you close and make you feel safe.
Though, it’s hard to feel safe in the arms of someone you’re deathly afraid of.
You felt the urge to cry creeping up on you, but you decided to lay back down instead, wincing as your sore scalp sunk into the pillow.
Thankfully, this was all just a very bad dream.
꒷꒦ 𝐟𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤, 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐚𝐠𝐨…
Sunghoon and his figure skating group wanted to take a camping trip during their break from training. The team coach promised to finance the rest of the trip if they raised $300 organically by the following week. Wonyoung offered to help by hosting a bake sale at her school. With her free-time after class, she visited the library in search for a French patisserie recipe book. Meanwhile, Sunghoon was at the grocery store, shopping for fresh fruit, overly expensive dark chocolate, and whatever other ingredients his sister outlined on the list. She paced through the book shelves, noticing a group of jocks huddled around a table. Tuning in an ear, she eavesdropped on their conversation, continuing to analyze the book catalogs.
“Bro, I think he got her pregnant,” she heard one of the boys whisper, stopping her dead in her tracks.
“I don’t even believe he’s slept with her before,” another guy added.
“Mhm, and why’s that?”
“First of all, Sunghoon would kill him, second of all, she’s a literal child.”
“Shit, I’d sleep with her in a heartbeat. Child or not, we can do it at the playground if that makes her more comfortable," Maddison's twin brother grinned slyly.
“Gross, Max, she’s like your cousin's age."
“Jun-Hwan said something about Wonyoung practicing her moans for him?”
“Yeah, probably while he was pumping her with his baby batter. I hope she knows that’s not how you make cupcakes.”
The boys burst into laughter, earning an aggravated look from one of the librarians.
“Sorry,” Max mouthed quietly.
“Yeah, you’re gonna be. I bet Sunghoon’s already writing you punks down on his “do not admit” list,” the one with glasses retorted, getting up from the table before leaving the obnoxious group.
Wonyoung was still listening from behind the book shelf, swallowing the lump in her throat that dared to flatten into tears. She tried reminding herself of what Sunghoon would tell her everyday.
“Ignore the rumors, don’t let them take away your smile, Wonyo.”
Though, these words sat in the back of her mind as she made her way over to the jocks table, unintentionally balling her fists.
“Who told you that?” She inquired with a clenched jaw, interrupting their perverted gossip session. They looked as if they’d seen a ghost at the sight of her, completely speechless as they simply stared back. “W-what are you talking about?”
“Oh my God, just spit it out!” She yelled, not trying to keep her voice down anymore.
“Jun-Hwan did,” one of them shyly admitted, not meeting her face out of shame.
Wonyoung went to find Jun-Hwan, hoping that he would deny sharing things about her and their breakup behind her back. She knew exactly where to find her ex-boyfriend after school. It was the same place they'd usually meet to fool around: an abandoned bunker near the bleachers because Jun-Hwan hated anything too cliché.
She crawled into the bunker, finding Jun-Hwan with his tongue down some girls throat. Wonyoung didn't recognize her, but from the looks of it, she was around her age. The horny youths disconnected their lips with a wet pop at the realization of Wonyoungs presence. The girl hid her face in Jun-Hwan's shoulder while he met Wonyoung's anxious features.
“Is it true?”
“Is what true, Wonnie?”
“That you told people about us? About me?”
“God, would you slow down with all the questions? I was kind of in the middle of something here," he spat, pointing a hand at the girl who straddled him.
“Please don’t make me ask you again, Jun.”
He let out an annoyed sigh, “Okay. Fine. Yes. I told people. I don’t get why you have a problem with that, though.”
“Jun, I asked you not to tell anyone about us.”
“Yeah, when we were together. But you wanted to break up, remember?”
“You know that decision wasn’t up to me. Why’re you being so cruel all of a sudden? You could at least pretend to care about my feelings.”
“Hey, Wonyoung? Fuck off, alright? I don’t have time for your juvenile high school bullshit. Now go finish making fruit tarts with your brother or something.”
The saddened girl adjusted the backpack strap over her shoulder, wiping away the moisture that fought to escape her eyes.
“Okay,” Wonyoung whispered. “I’ll see you around, Jun-Hwan. Sorry for bothering you.” She sniffled one last time before crawling out of the bunker and beelining back home.
➠ wednesday, present
9:04am
Sunghoon dropped you off at the hospital for another check-up right before class. He gave you $50 in bills of five to last you til he came back. Still shaken from last night's events, it took you ten minutes just to work up the courage to sign-in for your appointment with Dr. Lee.
"Right this way, Miss ____. Feel free to wait in the visitor's lounge until Dr. Lee gets back. It's rare that any of our patients have visitors, so you should feel more comfortable there," the friendly nurse smiled, completely aware of your fragile emotional state. You took heed to the nurse's advice, entering the visitors lounge before taking a seat at one of the tables. You were thankful for the dim lightening of the empty space as you felt an intense panic frazzle your senses. Holding your own hands in an attempt to comfort yourself, you tried redirecting your attention on controlling your breaths. Looking down, you noticed the darkening bruises on your wrists from Sunghoon's abuse, pulling down your sleeves to cover the marks.
"____?" A concerned voice called from behind you, resting a hand on your shoulder. Your body jumped at the feeling, immediately relaxing as you turned to meet Heeseung.
You were unaware of your own tears streaming down your cheeks until Heeseung reached out to capture the droplets with the back of his hand. That's when he noticed the scuffs on your cheek from Sunghoon forcing your face into the floor, dried-up blood poking through your exposed scalp.
"Oh my God, what happened to you?" He asked, kneeling down to meet your height in the chair.
Your lips quivered into a frown as you shook your head frantically, shutting your eyes tightly at the memory:
“I’ll show you just how deranged I am.”
Before you could realize it, Heeseung was already holding you in his arms as you wailed into his shoulder. He ran a hand down your back, trying to soothe your nerves.
"Sunghoon... h-he's a monster," you confessed, telling Heeseung everything in your moment of weakness. You told him about Wonyoung, Kazuha, and Maddison. You told him about the log cabin and the things Sunghoon did to you in private. You couldn't keep hiding your pain anymore.
“____," he began with a sorrowful expression, breaking from the hug, "it’s not too late to get rid of the baby.”
You furrowed your eyebrows in frustration, “Why the hell would you even suggest that? I have to keep her! She's my child!”
“He assaulted you, ____, and your child will have to live everyday of her life knowing that. I won't persuade you into making a decision, but either way, I will do everything in my ability to get you the help you need.”
Your gaze fell to the ground as you tried to process all of your options.
"Hey," Heeseung said, grabbing your chin to meet his face again.
"I need you to listen to me when I say that I can't just let you go. Not with Sunghoon, and not without a fight."
You stared into Heeseung's glistening eyes, kissing him in the heat of your emotions. He pulled back, looking at your desperate features before diving back in, tilting his head to deepen the kiss. You used your weight to pin him on the ground, melting into his honey-like touch as he explored your nervous skin.
Something about this moment felt different from the dark affection you'd grown used to from Sunghoon.
Heeseung felt light, energizing your entire body from the outside in. His body was warm and smelled like lilac, a new yet welcoming scent. Snaking a hand under your shirt, he fondled with your breasts as you trailed your own hand down to his bulge, palming him gently. He moaned into your mouth before you broke from the kiss, already missing the heat of his tongue against yours.
Looking down at his frame, you took in his disheveled hair, wrinkled shirt, and flushed cheeks. Retreating your hand from his hardness, you were reminded of the silver band that rested upon your ring finger.
"What is it," Heeseung asked, still trying to steady his breathing.
"I... it's...," you stuttered in a quiet voice, "Sunghoon and I are engaged.” An empty feeling washed over you at the unfortunate reality.
“Y-you...what?”
“He asked me to marry him last week, and...I said yes.”
Your confession meddled in the air for a moment, before Heeseung swore to himself, guiding you off of his lap.
“Forgive me, ____. I should've listened when you said we should stop seeing each other,” he frowned, considering how unprofessional his actions were.
Standing up from the ground, he offered a hand to lift you from the floor.
"This isn't your fault, Heeseung," you said, fixing your tussled clothes.
"None of that matters, right now, love," he replied, readjusting the collar of his shirt. "You need to figure out what you want to do about your circumstances and quick. Before it's too late."
➠ three days later, thursday
9:47pm
Sunghoon came back to the cabin later than usual. Unlocking the basement door, he broke through the staleness, hanging his jacket over one of the chairs.
“Where’ve you been?” You inquired tepidly, tucking away the origami deer you were folding into the psychology book that supplied the paper you used.
“It’s Wonyo’s birthday today, so I visited her grave on my way back," he said, walking over to meet you on the bed. "I forgot to ask the other day. How was the doctor?”
“Fine," you simply replied.
Sunghoon shook his head in disappointment before snapping like a rubber band, pulling you from the bed and pushing you against the wall.
“Remember, ____, this isn’t a get out of hell free card just because you’re carrying my child,” he hissed in between your squirms, “I will not hesitate to kill the both of you if you continue to disrespect me.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” You raised your voice at him, struggling in his grip.
“You didn’t think I’d find out about you sliding second base with the cute older doctor? Huh?” He asked rhetorically, gripping at the neck of your nightgown and shaking you like a rag doll.
“Sunghoon, stop it!” You yelled this time, earning yourself a harsh slap across the face. You felt one of your teeth puncture your upper-lip from the force, a metallic taste filling your mouth.
“What’d you tell him? And don’t you dare fucking lie to me!”
Your eyes screwed shut in fear at the intensity of the situation.
Why did things always have to escalate to such extremes with him?
“TELL ME EVERYTHING!” He growled impatiently, grabbing you by the throat with veiny hands.
“The baby’s dead!”
Silence.
His grip around your neck loosened before tightening again, “Bullshit, you fucking whore!”
“I’m serious, Sunghoon,” your voice cracked, eyes burning red from the brief loss of air.
He stopped his ministrations, searching your face for any uncertainty, any clue that you were lying.
“Th-that can’t be true, ____,” he could hardly meet your eyes.
“We lost her, Sunghoon. She’s gone.”
“For the sake of my sanity, tell me you’re lying! Tell me this is all apart of your plan to escape me.”
“I’m not like you, Sunghoon."
“What're you saying,” he asked, legs feeling numb from the pure dread that tainted his blood.
“I’d never lie to you.”
He fell at his knees, pulling you down by the shoulders with him. Cradling you in his arms, he guided your head to his chest, weeping into your embrace. This was your first time seeing Sunghoon cry, his dark eyelashes soaked with tears, pouty lips falling victim to an acute trembling. If it wasn’t for his agressive heartbeat, you would’ve thought he was dying from the sounds he made. Though, to be honest, it’s like apart of him did die.
“This world just won’t let me have anything at all, will it?”
➠ friday
6:05am
“____? ____, wake up!” Sunghoon nudged your sleepy frame excitedly.
“What, what is it?” You answered with a groggy voice.
“I made you breakfast.” He said, handing you a banana.
You ignored the 'breakfast' he held in his hand, “Why?”
“I wanna go somewhere.”
“What’re you talking about? I’m stuck here, remember?”
“Just eat up so you can get dressed.”
All of this excitement was too much for you process so early in the morning. “Sunghoon, just tell me all of this is about.”
He took your hands in his, smiling wide enough for his dimples to show. “I’ll tell you after you eat and get dressed. I promise.”
You sighed. “Okay.”
Why was he acting nice all of a sudden?
7:10am
Sunghoon took you to a familiar looking spot in the woods, about forty-five minutes from his log cabin. By now, you had gotten used to being Sunghoon’s passenger princess, but you didn’t understand his reasons for wanting to take you somewhere. He parked his infamous black car along a brick trail, cutting the engine before exiting the vehicle.
“Follow me,” he smiled, leading you to a lover's picnic area. A large white sheet rested on the ground, grassy rocks holding down each corner. There was a woven basket with a bottle of wine and a few pieces of bread wrapped in knitted cloths. “Come. Sit!” He urged as you met him on the picnic mat. The sounds of morning wind rustling through tree leaves filled the air as you observed your surroundings.
“Okay, Sunghoon. I ate the monkey fuel, got dressed, and now we're here. Why?”
He chuckled at your odd sense of humor, closing the distance between you on the sheet.
“Look. I know this may sound crazy, but… I wanna try again.”
You wished you misheard him, feeing you heart skip a beat at his suggestion. “Excuse me?”
“I’m talking about a baby, ____. I want another chance.“
“Sunghoon-”
He interrupted your sentence by cupping your face in his hands. “I gave you a choice with the marriage, but this time I’m telling you.” His smile faltered into a dour expression, a greedy hand traveling up to the base of your thigh.
“I want this from you, and you’re going to give it to me.”
A nauseous sensation hit your stomach, feeling disgusted by his chronic insanity.
Grabbing a fist full of dirt, you stunned him in the eyes before taking off in the distance. At this point, you were quite seriously running for your life, a natural adrenaline carrying you across the rocky path at an intense speed.
“____!” Sunghoon called out, dusting the dirt from his eyes before chasing after you.
Your feet and heart pounded in unison with the same vigorous effort, ignoring the voice that told you to look back. You thought to hide somewhere and catch your breath, but you knew had to keep running.
You had to survive.
Following the same path that Sunghoon took to get you there, the sight of civilization encouraged you just enough to run for a few more minutes.
That’s when you spotted a red car parked near the public garden you passed on the way. You couldn’t run any longer or else your legs would give out of you, so you hid behind the seemingly vacant vehicle, only to hear the sounds of slow footsteps approaching you.
You shut your eyes, repeating a prayer to yourself over and over again.
“____," a familiar voice called out, "what’re you doing by my car? I-is everything alright?”
“Heeseung!" You yelped, jumping from your initial crouching position and subconsciously clinging to him. "You have to help me!"
“Hey, relax, alright,” he cooed, bracing your lack of balance with his hands.
“It’s Sunghoon,” you forced out in between heavy breaths, chunks of sweaty hair sticking to your forehead. “He wants another baby, and now he’s after me.”
Heeseung wasted no more time speaking before unlocking his car and hiding you on the backseat floor, getting in the driver’s seat himself.
That’s when Sunghoon came running out of the thick of the woods, still calling after you like a madman.
Observing the public garden, he rationalized with himself that you couldn’t have gotten too far beyond this area. From the outside, he appeared to have barley even broken a sweat, but his core burned with a bloodthirsty hellfire.
Narrowing his eyes, Sunghoon spotted Heeseung sitting idly in the red vehicle, parked with the window slightly rolled down.
“Hello, Mr. Park. Taking an evening jog?” Heeseung called casually at the sight of Sunghoon, trying to mask any obvious suspicion.
“More or less. It’s great to see you, Dr. Lee! How’ve you been?” Sunghoon inquired, feigning consideration.
“Good, thankfully. Though, I have work at the clinic today, so I should really get going,” he replied, rolling up the window before Sunghoon hit the tinted glass.
“Wait!” He pleaded, his inner emotions now reflecting on his sullen features.
Heeseung sighed dramatically, trying to convey urgency. “I’m really in a hurry here, Mr. Park, and I can’t risk being late.”
“Just tell me the truth,” Sunghoon tried.
“Did ____ actually lose the baby?”
Heeseung fell quiet for longer than Sunghoon appreciated, but he waited patiently for an answer. The kind-hearted man took his glasses off, folding them in half before setting them in the empty passengers seat. He met Sunghoon’s weakened eyes, feeling compelled to answer him honestly.
“____ didn’t lose the baby, Mr Park. She had an abortion.”
Pop.
The single thread holding back Sunghoon’s rage broke at the confession, lashing out in a kicking tantrum against Heeseung’s car. He wanted so desperately to see the crimson exterior dent from the force, but his depleting strength failed him. You could feel a new force pulsing from the front of the vehicle, rocking your body against the backseat floor. With balled fists, Sunghoon smashed the hood of Heeseung’s car, a string of curse words flying from his mouth like venomous wasps.
Heeseung fired the ignition, gripping his hands on the steering wheel. “Move out of the fucking way!” He warned, honking the horn a few times to scare him, but Sunghoon was hardly phased. He pulled out a gun, pointing it at Heeseung’s head from the behind the windshield, “Get the fuck out of the car. NOW!”
Heeseung was left with no other choice but to obey, abandoning the vehicle and getting on his knees before him.
“Do you have any idea how many people I’ve killed before? I’m sure ____ told you all about it, didn’t she?” Sunghoon asked, pacing back and forth. “The only thing is, I’ve never murdered anyone with a gun before,” he smirked sinisterly, imagining the way Heeseung’s eye balls would burst from their sockets as the bullet penetrated his skull. The frightened doctor kept quiet, afraid that saying the wrong thing or anything at all might shorten his life. Sunghoon fiddled with the tip of the weapon, “You deserve this, anyway. Slutting it up with my fiancé, taking away my child, and daring to look me in the face with that phony fucking smile.”
Screech.
You hopped in the front seat of Heeseung’s car, putting it in reverse before making eye contact with Sunghoon, hitting him straight on.
Crash.
You weren’t sure if Sunghoon’s limp body was underneath or in front of the car, but the sight of Heeseung kicking the deadly weapon a few feet away let you know that everything was gonna be alright.
You ran to hug him out of relief, several emotions taking over you. The once uproarious atmosphere fell quiet, as neither of you could think of anything to say. And frankly, there wasn’t much left to say, anyway.
The ten minutes that passed by felt like hours before the ambulance arrived at the scene, police investigator’s barricading the park with yellow tape. Upon retrieving Sunghoon’s body, the emergency team announced him to be in a state of deep unconsciousness from the collision: a coma. You were granted special visitor privileges because you were his fiancé, but you couldn’t have cared less to stay informed on the status of his well-being. The idea of him being incapable of eating on his own or even speaking for the next weeks or few months granted you an indescribable feeling of light.
Though, this was far from your story’s end.
➠ monday, two months later…
You tried to live a normal life after everything that happened. Giving up on your college dream, you picked up work at a cafe until you got used to normal again. You and Heeseung remained close friends, as the two of you shared a pretty dark part of your lives together. He also helped you overcome the nightmares you suffered from.
It went without saying that Sunghoon passed away. The part of you that still cared about him even brought flowers to his grave, but you never attended his funeral. Honestly, you doubt that anyone even arranged one for him.
Time went on, and you fell in love with your new life, still carrying scars with you that not only reminded you of a painful journey, but one that you survived.
Ding.
That was the sound of the bakery’s entry bell, letting you know that a costumer had just walked in. “Welcome to Café Royale,” you announced cheerfully out of habit, wiping crumbs from the front counter before meeting the fresh face at the register. The man stood tall with silky platinum hair, stunning eyebrows, and a killer jawline.
“Hello! How may I treat you today, sir?”
“Hmm, I’ll have an iced vanilla latte, with a sample of your classic tiramisu, if you don’t mind,” he smiled, flashing his pointy fangs.
“Of course! That’ll be 3.95, please,” you said, taking the five dollar bill he handed you. One of your employees whipped up his order in the back, passing it to you in less than a minute. You placed the plastic cup of coffee and tiramisu sample on a wooden tray, handing it to the charming costumer.
“Enjoy,” you chirped with a smile, ignoring the rush of butterflies that ran through your stomach.
“Thank you,” he replied, taking the platter and walking off. You watched as his footsteps come to a halt, turning on a heel before meeting you at the counter again.
“Do I…” he began, titling his head to take in your profile, “have we met before?”
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❅ Thank you for reading @chlorinecake ‘s “Blood On Ice” Part 2! Make sure to check out more fun reads on my enhypen bookshelf!
❅ You can read part one of this series here!! 🎂
✎ ᴀ/ɴ: in no way, shape, or form does this fanfic intend to romanticize unhealthy relationships or abusive behaviors. i simply write for entertainment and creative purposes. thus, reader discretion is always advised.
taglist: @ashgonedash @nikilvr @ttokyoobv @yourmomscuntis2tighy @fightqueen @addictedtohobi @sltfohoon @lisaaannna @beomgyusonlywife @casualcloddeputyherring @calichuchies-blog @devqrasgirl @rhiannass @fanficfactoryfoxxx @lovelycassy
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girlofhoneyandglass · 1 month
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the marauder's fandom needs to understand a couple things ASAP
LET PEOPLE HAVE DIFFERENT HEADCANONS. People are not racist for headcannoning someone as white, they are not transphobic for headcannoning someone as cis gender conforming.
IF someone says "Why do they all need to be queer" or "I dont see any reason why we would need queer/black characters" EDUCATE THEM pls for the love of GOD
STOP TELLING PEOPLE WITH DIFFERENT HEADCANONS THAT "YOU JUST DON'T KNOW THEM LIKE I DO" it SUCKS don't do it its shit
In general, just maybe block ppl a bit more instead of telling them they're wrong in a fandom where most characters are somewhat open to interpretation
on that note, sirius, Regulus, Remus and Peter as well as James have SO MUCH canon character. Creative freedom be given and all, but ffs stop acting like we don't know anything about them in canon, ESPECIALLY REMUS AND REGULUS
Educate yourself about mlm and wlw stereotypes please. please. just do it.
thats it for now, please read the whole post before hating and please educate yourself with multiple sources
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Today is the international holocaust Remembrance eve.
To those who say “I’m not antisemitic, I’m anti Zionist” .I wish that were true, but it’s not.
The denial of the events of October 7th and the terror Israelis have always faced , has reminded many of holocaust denial. Which by the way, is also on the rise right now.
Hell, holocaust survivors who survived October 7th as well have compared the two.
I can’t believe I have to say this - comparing Israel’s actions to the Nazis’ is incredibly vile and ignorant. It a lazy comparison and I cannot stress it enough how different these are. Educate yourself.
Moreover,I’ve said it before, today, antisemitism is rebranded as anti Zionism. since the October 7th attacks/ Israeli Hamas war has started the following things have happened:
According to a recent survey conducted by CNN,73% of Jewish Americans college students have “expressed or seen antisemitism since the start of the school year “. Jewish students are terrified and I don’t blame them at all, when people are chanting “globalise the intifadas “.
-Antisemitic rates and antisemitic based crimes rates have gone up by hundreds-thousands of precedents (depending on the country).
-Swatikas or stars of David are drawn on Jewish homes. “Hitler was right” was trending multiple times ffs . Suddenly it’s ok to say that (or at least ignored). Suddenly , antisemitic stereotypes and antisemitic Blood libels are popping up. This is not a coincidence, and You cant deny it.
Whether you support them or not is another matter, and idk like to believe you don’t. If you see them, don’t jump on the bandwagon. Think about the sources of what you’re reading or hearing.
Jewish and Israeli people are constantly harassed, myself included. This has got to a point that as an Israeli jewish woman the current travel ban / recommendation for me are literally the entire world.
We are all advised to not wear Jewish symbols or speak Hebrew loudly. We’ve always done this but this time it’s different.
I will not let that be my reality anymore. This is not what my great grandparents legacy should be. In a way, I’m glad they’re not here to see this.
——
There are so many other examples for this concerning phenomenon. I could go on about how this phenomenon is caused by antisemitism and ignorance. Honestly, I just don’t want to see anymore hate today. You can read them yourself.
The main takeaway should be that You can wish for a better future for the Palestinian people without harassing or hating jews . Without demonising Israelis.
עם ישראל חי🫶🇮🇱✡️
Ps- Every time I post something about antisemitism/ the difficulties of being Israeli or Jewish nowadays, I get called “deluded” , “whiny”, or “self victimising “. If you fail to see how this is not any of these- you’re gonna get blocked.
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wild-wombytch · 4 months
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Oh, for the love of- can y'all stfu
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(for context, this is in the comments section of a very extremely super legal site's books list, where people don't even support the authors by reading)
"Happy learning! Don't read anything I say is wrongthink! I don't read radical feminism nor what it is about but I know it's evil and I encourage you to not investigate as well and think for yourself! Don't be bigoted enough to question the rape industry! Listen to black women except the one who disagree with my white ass! Read intersectional feminism except the kind I hate! Oh, btw, Black women are not women but men totally are women!"
Like sorry but wtf are they even on???
Also it's really unnerving that I *know* this is a white TRA just by reading this and the way they weaponize Black women to fit their agenda and redefine misogynoire and silence the Black authors who precisely conceptualize it and talk about it. Sex based oppression is the literal, observable, measurable, reality. Dude they don't need your accolades and green flagging to express their opinions. Fuck off.
Ffs, if an ideology, any ideology, tell you to not read something or educate yourself, this is a major red flag for a sect. It's because they know they're wrong and want to keep the power by keeping you ignorant. If they were so genuine and sure about being right, then why would they try to keep you from learning? You'd see for yourself. Or you'd make a fool of yourself in online arguments if this was outrageously stupid. That's why TRA, sects and narcissists alike cut you from your social circle, to numb your critical thinking by erasing potential dissenting opinions. This is why "OP is a TERF" is a thing. Hell, that's why "TERF" is a thing in the first place.
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prettyprince00 · 2 years
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♡ FILMS FOR FAUNLET FASHION INSPO ♡
~~Got bored so compiled this (pretty extensive) list of film references for faunlet style and aesthetics, might be helpful for anyone looking to delve into and develop their style. Don't take this as some kind of gospel, it's just a bunch of movies and shows that I think can be useful reference points. My personal style and taste for example is a huge mix and amalgalm of stuff I see, from movie characters to paintings, books, comics, cartoons, music videos, haute couture collections, K- and J-idols, BJD dolls, even elements and staples from female fashion that I kind of genderflip or just outright mix into and merge with my own "masculine"/boyish/whatever faunlet fits. I think the secret to finding your style is to never limit yourself & always be creative (& clever ofc)! ♡
Feel free to suggest and tell me some of your personal films/shows that inspire you the most. I'm sure I forgot some stuff >.> Hope this helps somewhat lolol
WARNING: A LOT OF THESE HAVE MATURE THEMES AND +18 STUFF, SO DO RESEARCH BEFORE WATCHING AND PROCEED AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION, CAUTION & RESPONSIBILITY!
I. Academia/Schoolboy/Old Money/Preppy/Classic Faunlet Vibes
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Les Amitiés particulières by Jean Delannoy
A Series of Unfortunate Events (Film and show)
Both versions of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Lord of the Flies (both versions tbh)
The Lion The Witch and the Wardrobe by Andrew Adamson
Kaze to ki no Uta + Natsu e no Tobira (Honestly most shounen ai anime especially from the 80s/90s)
CLAMP Gakuen Tanteidan
Kuroshitsuji i.e. Black Butler (probably the most famous ouji aka male lolita-influenced anime out there)
Ouran High School Host Club
Cardcaptor Sakura (Li's fits especially but also Touya's and Yukito's)
The Long Day Closes + The Neon Bible, by Terence Davies
If... by Lindsay Anderson
The Butcher Boy by Neil Jordan
Tea and Sympathy by Vincent Minnelli
Purple Noon by René Clément
Sleepers by Barry Levinson
The Basketball Diaries by Scott Kalvert
School Ties by Robert Mandel
The Dangerous Lives of the Altar Boys by Peter Care
Blue Spring by Toshiaki Toyoda
Death in Venice by Luchino Visconti
East of Eden (also Splendor in the Grass I guess?) by Elia Kazan
Lacombe Lucien (+ Au Revoir Les Enfants) by Louis Malle
Bad Education by Pedro Almodóvar
The Ice Storm by Ang Lee
La Luna + The Dreamers by Bernardo Bertolucci
Teorema by PP Pasolini (also Saló tbh bt I feel kinda weird recommending that lmfao even though it's a pretty well-established masterpiece & one of my favs)
Total Eclipse by Agnieszka Holland (teenage Arthur Rimbaud is a core faunler reference tbh, strange that I don't see him brought up more, though he's been a queer/twink culture icon for ages so yeah)
Les roseaux sauvages by André Téchiné
Call Me by Your Name by Luca Guadagnino
Deep Red by Dario Argento (only for the flashback Xmas scenes with the creepy little boy in knee-highs and Mary Janes tbh lol)
The Omen by Richard Donner
The Good Son by Joseph Ruben
Pinnocchio (OG Disney animation) (you could make a double feature with A.I. Artificial Intelligence by Spielberg/Kubrick too)
Les 400 coups by François Truffaut
L'enfance nue by Maurice Pialat
A Single Man by Tom Ford
Looking for Langston by Isaac Julien
Sacré College, Garçons d'Etage, Scouts and Gamins de Paris by JD Cadinot (WARNING: Cadinot's films are basically erotica/arthouse vintage gay p*rn so obviously 18+!!!!!)
II. More Contemporary/Gas Station/Trashy/Greaser/Hustler/Catalet Faunlet Vibes
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My Own Private Idaho (also Mala Noche and Elephant) by Gus Van Sant
Slight Fever of a 20-Year-Old + Like Grains of Sand by Ryosuke Hashiguchi
Mysterious Skin + Totally Fucked Up + Nowhere by Gregg Araki
Hustler White by Bruce LaBruce (+18)
Rebel Without a Cause by Nicholas Ray
Cry Baby + Polyester by John Waters
Pretty much any juvenile delinquent teensploitation 40s/50s Old Hollywood flick tbh
The Outsiders by FF Coppola
A Cruel Story of Youth + Sing a Song of Sex by Nagisa Oshima
Most of Edward Furlong and Vicent Kartheiser's 90s filmography (Pet Semetary 2, Brainscan, Little Odessa for Furlong; Heaven Sent, Another Day in Paradise, Masterminds for Vincent)
River's Edge by Tim Hunter
Young Soul Rebels by Isaac Julien
Sleepaway Camp by Robert Hiltzik
Le Diable Probablement by Robert Bresson
Permanent Green Light  + Like Cattle Towards Glow (+18) by Zac Farley & Dennis Cooper
Pauline à la Plage by Eric Rohmer
The Smell of Us + Ken Park by Larry Clark
Flesh by Paul Morrissey
Lonesome Cowboys by Andy Warhol
Cruising by William Friedkin
Un couteau dans le cœur by Yann Gonzalez (though most of the male fashion in this is just ripping off Friedkin's Cruising and Cadinot films like Aime... comme Minet, Deuxième Sous-sol and Les Minets Sauvages so you could just watch those instead I guess lol)
Equation à un Inconnu by Francis Savel (erotica/+18)
Rebels of the Neon God by Tsai Ming Liang
Fireworks + Scorpio Rising by Kenneth Anger
Dope by Rick Famuyiwa
Cooley High by Michael Schultz
The Inkwell by Matty Rich
Red Hook Summer by Spike Lee
George Washington by David Gordon Green
American Graffiti by George Lucas and Bill Norton
All About Lily Chou-Chou by Shunji Iwai
Stand by Me by Rob Reiner
The Mudge Boy by Michael Burke
US Go Home by Claire Denis
Gummo by Harmony Korine
L.I.E. by Michael Cuesta
Palo Alto by Gia Coppola
Spetters by Paul Verhoeven
Fox and His Friends by RW Fassbinder
The Pit by Lew Lehman
O Fantasma by João Pedro Rodrigues
The Delta by Ira Sachs
What Have I Done to Deserve This + Law of Desire by Pedro Almodovar
The Partridge Family sitcom tbh lol, also the 70s era of the Mickey Mouse Club, pretty much any 70s media featuring male idols of the time like David Cassidy, Leif Garrett etc
Dazed and Confused by Richard Linklater
The Lost Boys by Joel Schumacher
Y Tu Mamá Tambièn by Alfonso Cuarón
Summer 85 by François Ozon
Les Chansons d'Amour + La Belle Personne by Christophe Honoré
Body Without Soul + Not Angels But Angels by Wiktor Grodecki (personally rly dislike the weird Christian melodramatic & imo exploitative direction of these documentaries bt the boys who are interviewed do the best they can to salvage it -- quintessential East European 90s cityboy looks)
III. Fantasy/Glam/Mystical/Sacred/Ancient/Historical Faunlet Vibes
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Pink Narcissus by James Bidgood
Caravaggio + Sebastiane by Derek Jarman
Peter Pan (any version tbh)
Fantasia (1940 Disney classic)
Tabou by Nagisa Oshima
Poison + Velvet Goldmine by Todd Haynes
Party Monster by Fenton Bailey
Satyricon by Federico Fellini
Der Rosenkönig by Werner Schroeter
The Blood of a Poet by Jean Cocteau
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gilbirda · 2 years
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PSA TO MY READERS
You need to warn readers in your description that the main character is gay it's rude to your audience to just throw that in there with no warning, not to mention it has nothing to do with the plot adds no extra depth to the main character what so ever, it's just virtue signaling, other then that the story was vary well written. Unfortunately I will no longer read anymore stories you write because I can't trust you. P.S. This is how you lose readers.
Got this comment in FF in my eldritch danny ghost king fic summoned by the JLA
and honestly?
If you agree with this person just.... unfollow me.
Right now.
I don't want you here
"This is how you lose readers" Well maybe I don't want readers like you, so funny gotcha moment, you just played yourself.
Also coward commented on anon, figures.
Y'all may be thinking, Gil, why get so riled up by just one comment?
This is the 4th homophobic comment I had in a fic where Danny just mentions his boyfriend Tucker. And I'm so tired about this. I'm so tired about people coming into fic comment sections and spitting hatred and stupidity like this, as if they were educating authors or punishing them for having queers in their fics.
"Well I don't want to read this" Then pack your stuff and an leave. The door is right there, don't let it hit you while you exit.
Even if you are a raging homophobe/transphobe/TERF/whatever, keep your crap to yourself. Why leave your shitty opinion on my inbox like this.
It's easy. Close the tab.
Leave.
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