#each one has a different feel and even if you have a lot of experience holding one they all have their little quirks and differences
Text
melt my heart and claim it as yours
tl;dr. the classic 5+1 fic for my one and only love
pairings : portgas d. ace x reader
notes : mild angst (?), happy ending, no pronouns used (as far as i know) but written with fem reader in mind, no proofread, lowercase intended, a few profanities, english isn't my first language, overuse of italics lol, PORTGAS D. ACE LIVESSSS
word count : roughly 3.5k words
sincerely, sei : AAAAAARGHHH OMGOMG I FINALLY FINISHED IT ACTUALLY HOLY SH 😭😭 anyway, please lmk if there are grammatical errors, or typos, hopefully i don't fumble this, i think it's not rlly good. but to be fair, i was experimenting 😥 and how the fuck did i write 3k words??? where did that even come from
─────── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ───────
I.
you're a new recruit of the whitebeard pirates, having been rescued from an organization that experiments on people—honestly you didn't think you'd live this long with how things were going with your life.
you were hesitant at first, meekly greeting the members of the seemingly kind pirates around you. as far as you knew, pirates were pictured as barbaric, evil, and cruel. but all that you see are warm people that see each other as family. it left a foreign feeling in your chest, one that you can't seem to decipher.
but you have only one thing in mind: do you belong here?
-
your first day on the moby dick was chaos. good chaos, you convince yourself. you were utterly overwhelmed by the amount of people, and holy fuck, did you just get a thousand siblings in less than a day??
they threw a party, for the new nakama, they said. it was heartwarming to say the least, and a small smile appeared on your face for the first time ever since you were put into that hell.
you try to put your mind into what was happening now, 'stop thinking about that, you have a new life ahead of you.' there were a lot of people introducing themselves, though you can't understand most of them. you were dragged, pushed even, as the dining area was suddenly filled. maybe the term 'barbaric' was fitting for them, after all.
the first to approach you one on one was the first division commander; marco. he had checked if you were doing alright, and all you did was smile and nod—biting your tongue, trying not to mention how you think he looks like a pineapple.
the second would be thatch, he was a tad drunk drunk and his mind is cooked. his flirtatious words were slurred. he called you multiple names, he claimed that your smile is quite fetching. you weren't really affected, he is amusing, though.
a few more approached you, some just greeting briefly, some were inviting you to drink (you didn't, the taste of alcohol is shit anyway), and some just gave you a warm "welcome to the crew!"
they sure are a rowdy bunch, you think, as you were leaning on the railing. then another person approached you. he leaned on the railing next to you, copying your position.
when you finally looked at him, your mind short-circuited for a moment. the mysterious man was certainly attractive. he's topless, that's what stupefied you for a second. not that you never saw any other guy who walks without any shirt—this one just has a nice figure, definitely easy to look at.
"hey there! you're the new recruit, yeah? my name is portgas d. ace, it's nice to meet you."
his voice startled you, whoops, you're staring, how inappropriate. he's bowing politely, and it baffled you for the nth time today because; what is this, a pirate crew whose motto is 'we're different from other pirates'?! you had never met a pirate this polite your whole life. you ought to pinch yourself; maybe this is a silly dream after all.
"hello? earth to you, er.." he waved a hand to your face, only then did you look to his face. great, so you were looking at his open tits first?
"(name). it's nice to meet you." you greeted back with a small smile, and he grinned. oh, he looks so... kind. you felt your heart thump—or did it actually stop?
"(name), huh? what a pretty name for a pretty face." oh, cheeky. he's got a coy grin on his lips now. he's like thatch, then. but he succeeded to make you blush slightly.
"thanks...?" wow, way to go! you honestly didn't know what to reply, given that you were locked up for about 5 years with almost no social interaction with others.
he didn't seem to mind, in fact, he looked pleased at your answer. though, he did seem to notice your uncomfortable shift. he props his elbow to the railing, resting his cheek on his hand. "you're adorable."
and your mind clogged again, face exploding into a deep red as you furrowed your eyebrows, forming a confused expression. he seems sober, and he says it like he means it. the temperature just skyrocketed, must be from how flushed your cheeks are.
he laughed at your expression, and you found yourself liking the carefree sound and his boyish grin. he gazed at your eyes again, slightly pink cheeks and a grin that screams mischief. more compliments spill from his mouth. looks like you're in for an embarrassing night.
-
once the night ended, ace slapped a hand on his mouth, his cheeks flushed—fuck, his shoulder's on fire. he was mesmerized by you, thus, the sudden compliment escaped him. he didn't mean to, but with your reaction? oh he wanted more. he honestly thought flirting would be a good way to take your mind off of things, thank god he didn't fumble. such a miracle you didn't notice how his back was on fire the whole time...
II.
weeks had passed since you became a whitebeard pirate. you learned a lot of things. one, you were living under a rock, literally and figuratively. the lab that you were once in was underground. you've been there since you were 15, causing you to lack knowledge about the recent happenings in the outside world.
two, it was hard to keep up and remember each of their names. your overwhelmed brain is turning into mush at this point, thankfully they're kind enough to say their names over and over again for you.
three, ace. that's it, ace. you learned that he's some kind of lost dog. trailing you everywhere you go, not that you're complaining. honestly if he wasn't sticking to you, you'd be sticking to him.
there's this magnetic pull that drags you to him, seems like you couldn't resist his warm nature. like a moth to a flame you were attracted to him. and you feel yourself burn, not in a bad way—like you were succumbing to his very fire and you think you'll be fine as ashes if it meant you'd be closer to him.
but it's like, his fire flickers when you move forward. he let's you near, but never close. it's like you know him, but you can't get a grasp on what he's thinking at times. like he's keeping you at arm's length.
that does not stop the flirting, though.
"hey, I'm lost, can you give me directions to your heart?"
"if you were a triangle, you'd be acute one."
"aren't you tired? you've been running through my mind all day."
you're becoming a puddle of goo, it just gets embarrassing to the point you can't even form words.
"hey, (name), do you have a pen and a paper?" he suddenly approached you as you were walking around the ship. you shook your head 'no', surprised he's not making moves today.
"damn, no pen, no paper, yet you still draw my attention." he said with a shit-eating grin and a wink. "...."
"wait! (name)!!"
III.
a day alone with ace in a strange island is absolute havoc. you wonder how it's possible for one person to destroy half of a forest. well, to be fair, he is fire.
"are you a dumbass?!" you screeched, running away as fast as you can while a strange lion goes after you both. ace tried to pet it, you almost did too and out of a sudden everything went haywire.
"i didn't know it would be immune to fire!!" he screeched back, holding your wrist and practically dragging you.
"why the hell did you even try and pet a wild lion in the first place?!"
-
you're now sitting by a bonfire, lit by yours truly. you hug your knees to your chest, watching as the fire dances in the air.
the lion incident has passed, finding out it's actually frightened by water. you crossed a river and found a hilltop—which is where you are right now.
"you still cold?" he asked, sitting next beside you.
"kind of," not really, you're not exactly freezing, you just want more. of him, preferably.
he scooted closer, your shoulders touching. and heat immediately seeps through you. and for a moment you just relished his body temperature.
then the next thing you knew, your whole being was enveloped by his warmth. his arms looped on your waist, his head resting on your shoulder. he sent you a smile, and god, everything about him is warm.
"are you a campfire? because you're hot and i want s'more." and just when you though you could sit in peace.
"ace, you're literally the hot one between the two of us." you answered, exasperated to your wits' end. "aww, you think I'm hot?" you didn't know if you want to slap the smirk off his face or bury yourself 6 foor under.
"n-no?! i mean, you are, literally—" his grin widens. "y-you know what i mean!! and I'm cold.."
"think i can make your heart melt?" oh he did. you sighed, does he really mean all of this? you never really gave him replies, not that you could even form words with how your brain turns into a puddle when he throws you the most cheesy ass pick up line ever. where does he even gets all of these?
"Is it chilly out, or is that just the chill you send down my spine every time I see you?" a scoff escaped you. "it's cold right now."
"well, thank god i brought some socks, you're giving me cold feet." he said rathed dramatically, his body sagging against yours.
"do you really mean all of this?" you asked out of the blue. is he just messing with you? is he really gonna burn you after all? maybe his flames would just combust your lonely heart to oblivion, then leave it to heave in the remaining smoke.
"of course." he replies almost immediately, his eyes seeking yours. sincerity swam in his dark orbs, a soft yet genuine smile on his lips. oh. maybe he was just trying to cradle you with his warmth, after all.
-
he takes a mental note to take this more seriously. thus, you didn't fail to notice how his lines were a bit more genuine, it still has a hint of playfulness—but everytime he looks into your eyes, it seems as though he's swallowing each emotion in them, fully drowning in you with those obvious lovesick orbs.
IV.
the night was cold, so was your heart. thatch had died, murdered by the hands of his own family. his own nakama. you sat on your bed, blank eyes staring to the window. it was pouring, as if the clouds were affected by the loss. the raindrops fell harder and harder, jut like the pounding in your chest as his death sinks in.
there were sudden knocks on your door. you didn't have to sit up, you knew who it was. "come in.." you croaked, voice breaking slightly.
the door opened and revealed a disheveled ace. he was quiet as he invited himself in, the familiar scent of your room filling his senses. "hey.." he greeted, yet it lacked the familiar warmth he always held. it was replaced by the bitter cold, gnawing at his insides.
"hey, you." despite his state, you felt warm. everytime the pirate comes into view, your heart is immediately filled with fervor. sparks surging through your veins.
ace wordlessly sat down beside you, head hung low and you know why. "I'm going to kill teach." he muttered, his resentment surfacing with each passing second.
"what?" you gaped, and you don't know whether to let him go or not. you weren't sure if the awful pit on your stomach was something worth noting. before you could speak further, his voice cuts into the air. sharp and determined.
"and you can't do anything to stop me." and for the first time ever, he made you cold. unpleasant shivers went down your spine and your heart dropped to the depths of doubt. and before you know it, protests escapes your lips while you shake him. it's unsettling, how you're holding onto him yet he's so cold.
"i don't care if it's dangerous, he killed thatch, he betrayed his own!" he raises his voice, but you can't find it in yourself to even flinch, still seeking that certain fire in his eyes. it's there, it's ignited, but not the kind of flame that you're looking for.
"i just... didn't want to leave without telling you goodbye." he mumbled, voice softening significantly.
"are you saying this will be the last time I'll see you?" you can't ignore it anymore, tears are stinging your eyes.
".... i—" he hesitated, breath hitching. "of course not, I'll come back for you."
for you.
his words rang in your ears, he sounds so genuine yet so full of doubt. and as your gaze on him lingers, all you could see is a lost boy, his judgement crumbling right before your eyes.
"come back alive, okay? I'll wait for you." you told him with such warmth and affection, your hand cupping his cheek.
at that moment, he looks like he'll break, your warmth seeping through his freckled cheek and straight through his heart and soul. it felt so surreal for him, he's made of fire, but it feels as though you were burning him.
"i don't know, it's like you're already killing me here, 'cause you took my breath away."
sigh.
V.
you're on fire.
not literally, but it may as well be with how you can feel the intense determination and fear in your bones. you stood near pops, the tense atmosphere wafting through the thick air in marineford.
ace is there, at the execution grounds—chained, bruised, bloodied, and regretful. you could see him clearly, yet he feels so far away.
and once the war started, you did your best to avoid the attacks sent to you, sprinting straight towards ace. you knew it was futile, the marines surrounding him far too strong compared to you. but you can't stop.
I'm coming for you, ace. the rapid thumping of your heart is all that you could hear, ignoring his desperate pleas of 'don't come here! it's not worth it!'
ace, ace, ace. you repeat his name in your head like a mantra. ace, ace, ACE. you creamed this time, voice breaking.
you legs stopped once you saw the dark hair of a young boy—screaming his lungs as he calls for his dear brogher, along with the intense surge of his haki. you weren't weakened by it, but you felt a sense of relief as he ran through the sea of marines ready to take his life.
instead of heading to ace, you sprinted to the boy—luffy, you assumed based on the countless stories from his brother. you helped fight off anyone in his way, putting all your trust in him.
you watch as he somehow freed ace. in awe as they fought alongside together, having perfect harmony.
you could only watch as he finally ran, straight to were you and the others were. and you felt so light seeing him, alive and well.
yet, you could only watch, as he was provoked by admiral akainu. you could only scream at him to stop, to just let it go. but of course you knew it was pointless. he's ace, he'll never let anyone dare to throw dirt on the name of his savior. he wouldn't let anyone insult the man who kindly called him as his son.
and thus, you could only watch as magma seeped through his chest. the ring in your ears eating up all your sanity, you couldn't even hear nor feel as the others dragged you away—unaware that you were running to him again.
you only watched as he whispered words to his brother, hugging him helplessly.
then everything became a blur.
VI.
the morning birds chirped, or was it the seagulls handing out the newspapers? nonetheless, the light from the window indicates that a new day is starting.
a new day, as you sat next to ace's bed. you never left his ever since you woke up. his organs were ruined, and you wonder how marco and the others had healed him.
but you didn't care about how. all you could ever care about is ace. he's alive. still, he's yet to wake up.
it's been a week, the familiar routine of sitting next to his bed was slowly embedding in your mind. you want nothing more than to see his eyes again, to see that bright smile that makes you think that the sun was nothing but an irrelevant orb up in the sky.
his chest was filled with bandages—another reminder of an ugly memory. you stared at him solemnly, fingers tracing his freckled cheeks.
then he stirred, and you flinched. your mind went blank. the gears in your head only turned once he gazed at you with those pretty eyes—effectively pulling you into the depths of your emotions.
"why are you crying?" were his first words, his voice was strained, his throat dry. only then did you realize everything was blurry.
"y-you—!" clutching his arm almost desperately, you found yourself crumbling in front of him. "you said you'd come back alive!"
"but i am alive." he said matter-of-factly.
"what if you died?!" honestly, you didn't know nor cared if you were making a point. all you did was sob his name over and over again, you arms coming up to wrap around his neck. crying as the man stroked your unkempt hair.
"...is this real?" he then asked, and the doubtful tone you once heard was at it again. you looked into his eyes, witnessing a broken man who looked as though he couldn't believe what has happened. "I'm actually alive?"
"of course you are! you're here, ace. you're fine." you said, partly to yourself, but mainly to him who looks like he'll break you with how he's holding you.
"you're alive. thank god you're alive, ace." and he cries. he cries and sobs and you don't know what else to do but to hold him.
"do i deserve to live? do i really deserve to survive?" and you felt your own tears falling. he sounds so broken, so lost, so doubtful.
you didn't question why he was asking that, rather, you cupped his cheeks and stared lovingly in his eyes.
"you do, ace." was all you have to say. was all he needed to hear. it won't be easy to remove those thoughts, no. but for now, it was enough.
"yeah?" he sniffled, a lopsided grin on his lips. you kissed his tears away, as he closed his eyes in bliss.
"yeah."
he grinned from ear to ear, and you returned it. and you both sat there, just giggling to each other.
"can i borrow your sunglasses? i can't stare at you too much 'cuz you're hotter than the sun." instead of laughing or blushing like you always do, your eyes softened.
"really? your eyes must be weak then. i can stare at you for hours." and before he could even so much as react, you continued.
"you know, you're like the sun. so bright, so warm. and every time i see you, i don't know whether i should bask in you or to hide because you burn me. god, you set my heart on fire, ace. and i don't care if i turn into ashes as long as i can be beside you all the time." you finished, staring at him like a lovesick fool.
he was out of words, his face exploding in a bright red and you wondered how much restraint he has right now to not burst into flames on the spot. he gaped at you as you stared at him like he hung the stars in the sky.
"i love you." he muttered. now you were the one rendered speechless. no words can express how he makes you feel. and you all but grinned, giddy and drunk off of the feeling of his love.
"i love you too." and before you two could lean in and share that sweet sweet kiss, the door opened and you saw the half of the crew falling down from their pile. looks like they've been eavesdropping.
and they didn't even had any shame as they cheered, chanting 'kiss, kiss, kiss!' loud screams of jovial voices filled the cabin once you two actually did.
familiar warmth seeped through your body and cradled your heart. and you had an epiphany at that moment: you belong here, right at this very moment, forever and more.
─────── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ───────
ps. : NAHHH CAN YALL TELL I GOT LAZY AT THE END im sorry it took so long i procrastinated for like 2 days 🙏 thank you for reading!!
taglist : @captainportgasdace @malxoxo (there's so many of yall who liked my previous post, my lazy ass could never, i might tag yall later tho if i get my energy back <33)
#portgas ace x reader#portgas d. ace x reader#fire fist ace#portgas d ace x reader#portgas d ace#ace x reader#op ace x reader#ARGGGHH I CANT BELIEVE THIS#where did those 3k words come from? definitely not from my lazy ass#sincerely‚ sei
55 notes
·
View notes
Text
There is genuinely so much amazing OFMD fanfic that it's expanded the limits of the kinds of fic I'll read because there's so much creativity and willingness to play with the characters. I will put up with a lot of things in OFMD AUs before I reach the "he would not fucking say that" point, which I used to be really choosy about with other fandoms. True that one of my pet peeves with how Stede gets written a lot is when authors use the generic posh British-esque Aziraphale-lite voice, but I can even forgive that pretty easy because I know it's hard to get Stede's voice right.
Plus, I think like the main thing you should think about when you're writing an AU isn't just how your story is in conversation with canon but how your versions of the characters work. I put a lot of work into my AU versions of these characters being recognizably them while also being impacted by their very different experiences and realities - like, in my kraken!Ed AU, he's still Ed but having to hide that he's a literal sea monster his whole life has made him noticeably more timid and way jumpier than his canon counterpart. Often the fun of fic is figuring out "yeah, they actually would say that, and here's why."
Truly my only hard line (besides woefully common very racist ways to write Ed) is when Ed and Stede don't like each other. I've seen enemies to lovers work! They do have the potential to annoy each other at first if you set things up just so! But when they're mean to each other, or very clearly don't care about each other's feelings, that's the thing I just can't buy. Ed's in love with Stede and Stede's in love with Ed, and they're each other's top priority, and that's kinda essential I think.
#fandom discourse#ofmd#our flag means death#thinking about the one where stede threatened ed again. that's just not our guys
49 notes
·
View notes
Note
Would you mind. Explaining what the heck the locked tomb (is this the name?) is about. You post a lot of it and I know ✨ nothing ✨ but it sounds kinda interesting??? Into dumping is ok if you feel like lol
I would LOVE to explain what The Locked Tomb is and you DID get the name right and it IS interesting!
So, it's a book series written by Tamsyn Muir and three of the anticipated four books have been released so far. I say "anticipated four books" because it was originally a trilogy but then the last book was split up. I don't think any of us would mind if that happened again and it turned into a five book series. But I digress.
These books are notoriously hard to describe because they sort of encompass or transcend genres. It's a sci-fi fantasty horror murder mystery romcom situation. Plus, there's a LOT going on - I've often described them as an "intellectual escape room." There's so much happening that you don't realize is happening until it all comes together. Going back to the beginning after you've finished them is an entirely different experience than your first read because you can see how it was all laid out from the start - sometimes even in plain sight - and things take on completely different meanings. Also, each book is very different from the others. I adore all of these qualities.
So here's the gist of the premise for the first book:
Gideon Nav, orphan of mysterious origins, has been raised on the Ninth House as an indentured servant and trained as a swordswoman. The Ninth House has become isolated from the rest of the empire and its very existence is threatened by the dwindling population and lack of resources. Gideon is one of only two survivors of her generation, the other children having succumbed to a lethal illness when she was an infant. The other survivor is Harrowhark Nonagesimus, the Reverend Daughter of the Ninth, and the two have been at each other's throats their entire lives. Harrow's parents' deaths have been hidden from the rest of the Ninth (save for Gideon and a few of the Reverend Family's attendants) and Harrow has been secretly ruling in their stead for the past seven years, doing her best to keep the Ninth from falling into ruin. Harrow is a prodigious necromancer, specializing in working with bones.
The Ninth receives a message from the Emperor requesting that each House send their heir and cavalier primary (a.k.a swordsman/bodyguard) to his home at the First House, where they are to attempt to piece together the process to becoming a Lyctor, one of his immortal Saints. Unfortunately, Harrow's cavalier has skipped town. Gideon begrudgingly accepts a deal meaning that she will pose as Harrow's cavalier in exchange for freedom from servitude.
Upon arriving at the First House, the two meet the other Houses' heirs and their cavaliers and are informed that they will have to figure out the secret to Lyctorhood on their own, and that there will absolutely no communication with the outside empire. It's not long before someone turns up dead... and then another...
What immediately hooked me on the first book was the voice and tone; Gideon is a delightfully snarky narrator. Despite the humor, these books do not pull any punches with regard to emotional depth. Love and grief are at the center of everything these books do, circled by sacrifice and duty and gender and colonialism and religion.
This review is actually one of my favorite things to send to people to pitch them the books. It does a fantastic job of conveying both the premise and the tone of Gideon the Ninth. I also wrote a "pitch your fandom" piece that @wilfriede recorded and recently released. You can find both the audio and the transcript at this link.
I hope that gives you a sense of the series, and thank you for giving me the opportunity to ramble about the series that permanently altered my brain chemistry! If you ever get around to reading them, I would love to hear your thoughts :)
#happy to answer any follow up questions if you have them as well :)#tlt#the locked tomb#gideon the ninth#ask#crashed-wing
46 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hopes And Fears Part Three. (Wally Clark x Reader)
Summary: Y/N’s death is traumatic. So traumatic in fact, she can’t even look at Wally without reliving what happened to her.
Word Count: 2.4k
Gif Not Mine. Requests Are Open!
Warnings: Mature Language
I’ve grown fond of the early mornings whilst stuck at Split River. The first glimpse of the sun shining over the gardens, a warm hue welcoming the day. With no students roaming the halls, all I hear is the quiet sounds of nature. On the odd occasion, I’m even able to spot a rabbit or deer, grazing gently on the acres of freshly trimmed fields surrounding the school buildings.
It’s become a habit of mine, each morning I find myself lounging besides the flowerbeds. Allowing myself to feel each blade of grass that delicately brushes my skin. For a while, I forget that I’m no longer alive. I can simply exist.
It’s not uncommon for Wally to join me. Sprawled on his back, gazing up at the clouds. Pointing out different shapes and imagining different backstories for all of the cloud animals he sees. Besides that, neither of us speak much. Only enjoying one another’s company as we relax in the morning light.
Spending this time has given me the opportunity to process everything. Wally helps me to work through my emotions and thoughts. Nothing ever being too much for him to listen to, though I’m still afraid to divulge everything. I’m sure he can sense that I’m holding back, yet he doesn’t pry. Content to just listen. In all honestly, I truly believe that these moments with Wally have helped me more so than Mr Martin’s support group has. Despite attending every session since my memorial, I consistently leave the group feeling unfulfilled. Unsatisfied. In fact, it doesn’t seem as though the teacher wants us to discuss the past, our lives and our deaths. Only wanting us to focus on the present, the state we are confined to. I find myself struggling with this a lot.
“What do you think you would be doing if you hadn’t died?”
Pushing myself up on my elbows, I look over to Wally, who is resting on his stomach, absentmindedly plucking grass from the ground.
“I was supposed to go to college, play football. Hopefully make it pro, that’s what the plan was anyway.” He tells me, full of confidence yet his tone of voice suggests that’s not the pathway he would’ve chosen for himself.
“What about like outside of a job though?” I pry, the boy has my curiosity heightened. “Like, surely you have other things that you wanted to do?”
His eyes focus in on the pieces of grass that he’s now twisting together in a makeshift sort of chain. Deep in thought, I can see the cogs working in his brain as he tries to think of an answer for me. I’m sure it’s not something he’s necessarily thought of before, following the path that his mom set out for him upon birth.
“You’re gonna laugh, but I always wanted to get married and have a family. I know that times have changed and you lot don’t really believe in marriage and stuff that much anymore but I’m a family guy. Always have been.” He admits, finally looking at me and I see the honesty written across his face. “It just sucks that I’ll never actually get to experience it.”
My heart aches for him. One fatal accident and his entire future was stripped away. Never getting to experience the things he always dreamed of. It breaks heart, knowing what he could have had.
“Wally, I’m so sorry.”
“It’s no big deal, really, I’ve spent the last few decades accepting my fate and it’s not so bad here.” He tells me, a sadness shining in the brown of his eyes, trying his best to cover it up with a soft smile. “What about you? Other than taking over the world with your best friend, what was the plan?”
Giggling slightly as he references Abby’s speech, I start to wonder what my life would’ve looked like. Truthfully, I have no idea. My life revolved around dancing and cheer, other than that I have no clue as to who I am. Up until my death, I didn’t believe I was worthy of love, the one chance I took was with Spencer and look how that turned out.
“I suppose I wanted to leave Split River, Abby wanted to go to New York so I figured I would study there.” I reply, knowing New York was never my dream. I just couldn’t bare to part with her once high school ended. “It would be quite nice to live on a farm. Out in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by animals, I think that would’ve been my dream.”
“Now this makes sense.”
Crossing my legs underneath me to sit up properly, he’s unable to hide the bright smile on his face. Clearly finding some amusement in what I said.
“What makes sense?” I ask, to which he laughs quietly. Pulling a clump of grass out of the ground, I launch it in his direction. “Hey, you dickhead, I didn’t laugh at you, so you can’t laugh at me.”
“No, no. I’m not laughing at you.” Wally speaks through chuckles, rolling on to his back. “It just makes sense now why you like to sit out here.”
His arms are thrown across his face, shielding his eyes from the sun. I can’t help but stare as his muscles flex, admiring the sight in front of me. Following his body, I find myself biting the inside of my cheek as I notice his top has risen up his stomach ever so slightly. Highlighting the small trail of hair that dips below his shorts.
“Did you have a girlfriend?” I blurt out, before I even realise what I’m saying.
Slapping my hand across my mouth, embarrassment floods my body, eyes wide as Wally smiles. Eyebrows raised as he looks over to me. Sly smile making its way on to his face.
“No. No girlfriend. Why?”
“I was just wondering. I mean, star high school quarterback, you must have had girls queuing up for your attention.” I’m able to stop myself before I begin a long-winded rant. Helping to ease at least a tiny amount of my embarrassment.
Wally rolls his eyes at my comment. “Well in that case you must’ve had boys queuing up for your attention. What with being head cheerleader and all.”
“Ha ha. Okay, I know it was a stupid question.”
Fortunately for me, I’m saved from making a fool out of myself even more by the sounds of cars entering the parking lot. In unison, we both turn to face the sound. Observing the students that have started to filter into the building, chatting loudly amongst one another as they do so.
My vision locks in on Spencer and his gang of hooligans. They’re jumping all over one another without a care in the world as they make their way into the school. Trail of awestruck girls following behind in the hopes of garnering the smallest amount of attention from one of the jocks.
If only I was able to tell them what they’re really like. Perhaps they wouldn’t make the same mistake that I made. Perhaps I’d be able to save them from the same fate that I suffered.
“So I was thinking we could have a pool day. I think Charlie would be up for it, maybe not Rhonda, but it could be fun for us all just to chill out. You haven’t really spent much time with anyone else apart from in our sessions with Mr Martin.”
Wally’s words echo around my head though I’m not paying any attention. Despite, no longer being able to see the group that I was fixated on, I’m still closely watching the area that they had just previously been walking through.
Two weeks later and Spencer and his friends still evade justice. Police presence at the school has increased drastically with crime scene investigators cornering off the old toilet block. Maybe I’m impatient, but it feels like they’re getting away with it. Receiving no consequences for their heinous actions.
“Y/N, are you listening?”
Wally’s words finally drag me out of my thoughts and I meet his eyes. “Yeah, pool day, sounds good.”
“And we’re inviting Charlie and Rhonda.” He states, eyebrows raised as he knows I wasn’t truly paying attention to a word he said.
“Oh, no. They’re nice but can we just do it alone? I’m not sure I feel up to doing a whole group thing.”
Wally nods, though his eyes narrow. Sensing there’s something off with me. He’s good at noticing whenever my demeanour changes, or whenever something is bothering me. It’s part of his nature.
“Yeah of course. We should probably head to group first though.” The athlete pushes himself off the floor as he speaks, waiting for me to stand as well which I reluctantly do, not before releasing an annoyed groan. “You know, one of these days, you might actually enjoy the sessions.”
Rolling my eyes, I follow Wally towards the gym. He holds the doors open for me as we enter the building, his small act of chivalry makes me giddy. I make no effort to show this however, politely thanking the boy as I walk through.
“Ah here they are! Took you two long enough.” Charlie jokes as we enter the gym, taking our seats. I sit between Dawn and Rhonda with Wally seating himself between Charlie and Mr Martin.
“No guesses what they’ve been up to.” Rhonda comments, lollipop hanging out the side of her mouth as she does so.
“Thank you Rhonda.” Mr Martin chimes in, stopping the conversation from escalating any further. “So today, I figured we would get to know our newest member. Y/N you’ve been here for a couple of weeks now and we still don’t know too much about you.”
“I’m sure Wally could tell us all about her.” Rhonda remarks under her breath. So quiet, I almost don’t catch it.
“I’m sorry, is there something you want to say?” I snap, my tone harsh and confronting.
She laughs in response, the annoyance on my face evident as I glare at her. Her snarky and sarcastic nature hasn’t proven to be a problem for me, though I think that may be about to change.
“Y/N, tell us about your death. We’re all dying to know what happened. No pun intended.” The teacher interjects, attempting to diffuse the tense situation yet I still feel on edge.
“No thank you.”
“Oh come on Y/N, none of us are going to judge you. You know that.” Charlie tells me, offering me a reassuring smile.
“No, she’d rather just listen to all our trauma. Isn’t that right cherry pop?”
Rhonda’s words strike a chord within me. I’ll admit, the other ghosts have been very open about their deaths with me. All discussing in detail what happened to them to result in this fate. Sure, I haven’t divulged into the details of my death as of yet, but it’s for good reason. Not only am I still trying to process it myself but I don’t want them to look at me any differently nor do I want them to take pity on me when they learn the details.
“Do you have a problem with me or something Rhonda?” I ask, swinging around in my chair so that I can face her directly.
Upon doing so, I take note of how Charlie and Wally are quick to sit up straight. Feeling the anger radiating off me and awaiting any possible confrontation that may be about to occur.
“As a matter of fact, I do.” The girl retorts, crossing her arms over her chest before she continues speaking. “You waltz in here and make no effort with any of us besides Wally. Who, let’s not forget, you made to feel like a piece of shit on your first day after that unreasonable outburst. You listen to all of us recounting our deaths, the most traumatic things that could’ve happened to us and still none of us know what happened to you. It hardly seems fair.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry Rhonda. I’m sorry that i’m still processing what happened to me. I’m sorry that I’m not ready to discuss it with a group of strangers. I am so sorry that I’m not getting over everything as quick as you would like me to.”
My voice is raised as I speak, hurt that she would even think that my choice not to share what happened is a personal attack on the group. No matter how hurt I’m feeling, the anger completely outweighs it. Angry that she can’t see that I’m still struggling and angry that my murderers are still attending this school. Instead of being locked behind bars for the rest of their life, like they deserve to be. Nobody can understand what I am going through and that makes me so astonishingly angry.
“Boo hoo. You’re still processing, we’re all still processing. Not to mention the fact that we’ve barely seen Wally these past couple of weeks because he’s been trailing around after you, trying to make you feel less threatened by him. He’s even taken off that stupid football shirt that he loved so much! I hate to break it to you, but he was here first.” She argues, tears well in my eyes as she mentions Wally. I lock eyes with him and see his downcast expression. Was she right? Was he only spending this time with me to make me feel better and less scared? “You should do everybody a favour and fuck off back to the old toilet block where you came from.”
“Rhonda!” Charlie exclaims, clearly shocked by her words.
“Is that how you really feel Wally?” I ask hesitantly, the dejection evident in my voice.
He opens his mouth to speak, but no words come out. Nodding slightly, I understand completely. Pushing myself out of the chair, nobody speaks as I make my exit from the room.
“Lovely chat.” Rhonda shouts, one last attempt to get a reaction from me. Even as I shove open the doors with an obnoxious slam, I don’t look back.
The entirety of my body feels heavy as I drag myself down the hallways. Nobody comes after me, not even Wally. I feel truly alone, hurt and confused. Death was supposed to be peaceful and yet here I am. Suffering more than I ever did when alive.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Tag list:
Please just ask if you would like to be removed. :)
@p-rspective @criesinlies @bath1lda @prettyplant0 @backtotheshitshow @emrysaf @lyn-soso @agentsofwhat @stumacherisalive @xyzstar @ellatitanium @nymwritespoetry @katdahlali @fruityfrog505 @kaiyahs-wife @callsignwidow @hufflepufffangirlqueen @xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx @blissfulxsins @stainedstardom @pearlsyeaaa @sisterslytherinog @random-simper @highpriestessfae @softbabybunnyysstuff @alexayoonlee @marvelsbitchh @urchubbygirlpen15 @frogmanfae @okitrine @brairslair @tommyriddleobsessed @correlance @pinkstrawberryflower @ameliamarie50 @esmerayxx @caprisunsister @aesthetic-lyss @jupiterscove @3hufflepuff3 @kikookii
33 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hi! I love your posts about perfumes and I was wondering how did you get so into it? You don't have to answer if you don't want to of course, but I was just curious if you can and if so, where u can learn more about perfumes and recognizing the scents, bc it's something I have big trouble with ☺️
oh! my dearest stranger! you have opened the cursed door and let out the rambling plague upon this wretched world—alas, 'tis time to yap.
there are three main components to finding yourself engrossed in the world of fragrances, or really, should I simply say, scents. the basics are just as crucial as the study of ingredients and interactions, and the sentimental and memory-related just as thrilling as simply finding something that smells nice on you and for you.
basics: develop your basic understanding of different scents. find out what you like and what you dislike, and learn to recognise how things smell. it might sound silly but it is actually a very enjoyable experiment, especially if you feel a bit lost and you're not sure how to start.
do you have a favourite smell? favourite flower or fruit or body wash, or body mist, or a cleaning product? maybe it's the smell of freshly mowed grass or a particular baked sweet? learn what it's supposed to smell of and focus on remembering and recognising that smell. seek it out, think about it, know it.
smell things a lot. I mean it: products you use, food you eat, flowers you pass on your walks. smell your books and your sun-kissed skin, smell your pets and your friends. focus on the scents that inhabit every second of your life, and you'll notice there are so so many. smell some nasty things every once in a while, too, you might discover unexpected thrills.
start a basic note exercise. choose three basic notes you find interesting, ones that are simple and recognisable, and smell them on their own - either through an extract, single note oil or perfume, or other medium. as an example, for me it was rose (beloved), vanilla (super recognisable) and sandalwood (classic). remember them, revisit them, and once you get the hang of them, seek them out in different combinations: check out some perfumes with one or more of those chosen notes, and see whether you can spot them there. see how they interact with different smells, in products and perfume and on your skin.
study: develop a stronger foundation to orient yourself in the world of fragrances. learn what ingredients there are and what processes are used to combine them. it doesn't have to be laborious or tedious, simply explore what different notes are there.
start with one of these quick lists: parfumado or fragrancex. you don't have to memorise anything, but do take your time to read through them and learn what ingredients are even used in perfume making and how and what for. if you're hungry for some more, check out the list on perfume society or wikiparfum. explore!
learn about head, heart and base olfactive notes. sylvaine delacourte has a nice explanation, or charlotte tilbury, or olfa originals. test whether you're able to notice how a chosen perfume develops and unravels on your skin: can you spot this change from head to heart, can you recognise the underlying base? it's alright if at first you absolutely can't, there are many variables there and it's not so easy at all!
find a perfume you have access to on fragrantica, and study its accords and notes. read the comments. use the perfume on yourself and see whether you can recognise the notes. maybe the perfume smells like something completely different to you? that's entirely possible and a very fun part of exploring fragrances; for example, I have a rose perfume that for me smells strongly of black olives and not much more. trust me, no shame in genuinely just reading the notes on fragrantica each time you use this perfume and trying to crack it. you don't have to know things by heart or immediately recognise many notes, that'll come with time and experience.
experience: make fragrances a part of your everyday life and explore how they shift and bloom for you. don't assume fragrances are just for special occasions every once in a blue moon or something super complicated you have to focus very hard on. make them a part of your life.
whenever you have the opportunity, try out testers in perfumeries and drug stores and any other places you spot them in. they're there to be used. ask for samples, check out online sales for some discounts, treat yourself to a discovery set. play around, widen your horizons, have fun!
once you have some samples or perfumes, try them out in different weather, different times of year and different times of day. different moods. if you're someone who menstruates, try them out during different parts of your cycle. try them out on somebody else's skin. try them after sex, or before a workout, or right before you go to sleep. see how they change.
scent-code your events. scent is the most powerful part of our memory: choose a perfume you use when you see your best friend, choose a perfume you'll use only during this trip you're going on, choose a perfume to use when going on evening walks in the summer or reading books in winter. you'll have a path paved with perfume to revisit, and you'll thank yourself for it.
but most importantly, explore and enjoy yourself: read, spray, buy or nick fragrances, ask your friends to try theirs when you visit them, and let your friends try yours. have fun and remember that it is a very personal, varied and subjective journey, and there is no wrong way to do it.
best of luck!
37 notes
·
View notes
Note
ty so so much for speaking about transandrophobia as much as you do. i never thought it was this bad. i just saw the poll asking whether it existed or not and other disgusting garbage. spent the day rummaging in the tag to learn and do research. (istg if i see the words "transandrophobia truther" one more time.).
i genuinely do not know how it came to be this bad nor will i never understand fellow trans people, in this case some (please note SOME. not all. i shouldn't have to say this but ik someones going to interpret this as me hating transfems when i do not. nor do i want to paint them in a bad light. all i am is deeply disappointed.) trans fems shitting on their siblings and brothers. hell, even me noticing that i have seen a lot of trans fems taking a part in this makes me feel like i'm transmysoginistic or trying to "divide" the community. so idk anymore.
i just personally think terfs have genuinely poisoned this community and people have been gobbling it up without issue and continue to do so. its sad.
we should be fighting for each other, not against. we shouldn't be divided by braindead terf ideology and values. please? i do not understand this hatred. at all. do you maybe have any idea how this all started or what caused it? because i literally cannot wrap my head around all this. and sorry for the rant.
I’ve been trying to find a tidy way to answer this and there just isn’t one. There are so many factors feeding into it. An extremely big one is the queer community’s fear and suspicion and disgust towards masculinity. Transmasculinity is no exception. Transmascs have always been treated poorly in different ways, but we were quiet about it. We were told we aren’t as oppressed as trans women and we just experience normal plain transphobia, so we shouldn’t feel like an authority on trans experiences. Even our own.
Transmascs have historically felt isolated from one another and the community. Now people have found community amongst themselves, talking about their issues, and finally speaking up. And it’s a threat to the status quo. It challenges deeply held beliefs about gendered oppression and makes feminism more complicated. And honestly, transandrophobic, bigoted people have a very strong motive to not acknowledge bigotry, it would cause great cognitive dissonance.
You’re right that the community and honestly popular feminism as a whole has been tainted by radfem ideas. I remember when I was younger, feminism was for everyone. Men were encouraged to get involved. Now people don’t even recognize that sexism negatively affects men or understand that gender isn’t only an intersection for everyone but men, even trans men. So many people don’t even know how to recognize TERF rhetoric so long as they don’t say they hate trans women. It makes it really difficult to have conversations about the patriarchy, and transmasculine people are suffering from it.
I encourage you to look into the concept of “power-jacketing” to understand how this hatred is maintained and functions. Sorry this got too long, I hope it was able to be helpful.
29 notes
·
View notes
Text
Recently saw a post about folks feeling upset about CDD systems saying they are endo-neutral yet also not wanting to see endo stuff on their dashboards. I’m not reblogging and adding to it because I feel like it would kind of be beating a dead horse because a mutual of mine said basically the same thing I’m about to say and I wanted to make my own post about it. I rarely make posts about syscourse for a variety of reasons but I do think this is something that is important.
I’ve been endo-neutral for a long time, a couple years at least. I’ve openly stated that I find endogenic plurality plausible and interesting. I’ve made a video on tiktok about this subject that got me a plethora of vague posts and made people despise me for having the take that I did. I’ve gotten both hate anons and positive anons on tumblr thanking me or hating me for taking the stance that I did. I’ve met endos who were lovely people and I’ve met endos who were really shitty people. And the same for anti-endos. I’ve been watching the syscourse battle rage on for years and the fact that the same stuff keeps coming up over and over with no “winner” (because it’s a discussion that doesn’t need to have a winner imo—endos can believe what they want and so can anti-endos) makes it feel like the two sides are constantly battling over a fictional no-man’s-land that has only ended in people being hurt, people being hurtful, and just so much fucking negativity.
However, as a CDD system, I don’t think it’s completely implausible to not want to see endo related stuff on my dashboard. I personally believe that the two groups *should* be separate. Because clearly the two groups trying to blend together is what *causes* this discourse to get so bad in the first place. Even if you believe you have a traumagenic system but identify as endo because you don’t think you’re disordered, then the resources and experiences talked about in the CDD tag won’t apply to you. Folks who have a CDD have childhood trauma and therefore their experiences are going to center around being traumatized. I shouldn’t have to want to see stuff from a non-disordered/endo system on my dash if our experiences don’t align at all. I shouldn’t have to preach my neutrality or support for endos day and night for me to be able to say that I am endo neutral or endo supportive.
The main reason I identify as endo neutral despite having a general support of endo systems existing is for a variety of reasons. The main ones being 1) I cannot police other people’s personal experiences 2) whether endogenic plurality is proven by science or not doesn’t matter to me because I’m not endogenic 3) I hate participating in syscourse and taking sides or disclosing sides openly is by nature partaking in it but Gods Forbid I don’t declare what side I’m on or I’m somehow betraying one side or the other 4) both sides can and have been incredibly toxic to each other and I don’t like that kind of negativity in my life, I’ve had enough of having to take sides who are both shit in my life 5) I think the fact that we are STILL fighting over this shit and have been for years with no leeway one way or another makes the fight pointless and should just Stop and 6) I do believe in a separation of the groups because I genuinely believe many if not most systems on either side will refuse to exist in harmony, not to mention the experiences of each side are completely different and non-comparable in exception to both sides having alters present—whether formed by trauma or other means.
I support the views of some endos. I support the views of some anti-endos. I understand why there is animosity on both sides. It is not possible for me to even take a side. However, because I’m a CDD system who has A Lot of trauma, my experiences are not comparable to that of endos and I don’t want to see their content on my dash. I don’t follow the plural tag, I don’t follow the syscourse tag, so I don’t often see endo stuff on my dash because those tend to be spaces in which both are present. And that’s fine because I can curate my own tumblr experiences. But when I see endo stuff in the DID tag or the dissociative disorder tags, that’s when I do get annoyed because endogenic plurality is not comparable to a CDD. And if you’re a traumagenic system who identifies as endo, I feel like that means you should make your own tags and stay out of the ones meant for one side or the other. Or stick to endo only tags. Mixed origins tags exist, don’t co-opt the traumagenic tags when you have distanced yourself from being traumagenic by identifying as endo. You know? Traumagenic tags, DID tags, dissociative disorder tags—all those are for disordered systems, systems who have a complex dissociative disorder. We HAVE made our own tags and our own spaces, they just semi-regularly get co-opted by endo users.
And the same goes for anti-endos. Stop freaking tagging your endo hate with endogenic tags. If you don’t want them in your spaces so badly, don’t invade their spaces either. Fucksakes.
#endo neutral#rare syscourse post from many but one#syscourse#I’m not taking feedback on this one because you’re not changing my mind#if I lose followers then oh well I literally do not care#if you follow me you should know by now that i’m syscourse unaligned or endo neutral
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
all hate to tiktok for taking 'having a space to more openly and actively talk about different cultures' to mean 'cultures are NOT to be shared and we must be vigilantly defensive of our cultures for fear of appropriation, a word that can be applied to any multicultural interaction'. like of course cultural appropriation is a very real problem but ive seen with the access to global multicultural conversation that tiktok provides it's made people TERRIFIED to even interact with cultures other than their own for fear of 'doing it wrong'. like at some point you have to acknowledge that in the real world of the great outdoors, the majority of people are eager to SHARE their cultures. yes there are ignorant questions and biases but also... how do you think those things get unlearnt? i dont understand how deciding that multiculturalism is an elephant in the room instead of a normal thing that should just be talked about and lived with is supposed to benefit anyone? and kids on tiktok are CONVINCED that it's a time bomb of a conversation to have and therefore must be avoided at all costs but like. people generally LOVE their home and their culture and are PROUD of it and want to share it. how have we made it so that showing genuine interest and a desire to understand something so integral to a person's identity is now feared and borderline demonised?
#thinking about this a lot lately. thinking about how fun it was comparing cultural differences in america#thinking of how when i was homesick one thing i found a great comfort in was talking about my home#and how it differed and i really loved and appreciated it when people would ask me about england#in a way that they genuinely just wanted to learn about it and not to take the piss#thinking about how the kitchen at work has chefs from all over europe. we have an irish chef and a spanish chef and an italian chef#and one of the kps is from eastern europe (i havent actually been able to find out where yet) etc and the way they banter with each other#like usually chefs are Problematic bc their humour is VERY abrasive and usually offensive#but this is one instance where it's actually to their benefit bc they're so unafraid to ADDRESS THE FACT THEY HAVE DIFFERENT CULTURES#i feel like the tiktok gen are so petrified of even acknowledging other cultures let alone discussing them#that it's actually sending the conversation backwards. like how does hoarding your culture and pretending it's not there benefit anyone#LET ALONE YOU AND THE CULTURE IN QUESTION. idk it just baffles me a bit that something that started as people on tiktok#genuinely spreading information and talking about the BAD side of this where people DO culturally appropriate or invade spaces that arent#theirs has now become 'for fear of speaking bad about it we will not speak about it at all'. and they'll crucify you if you do. like what#even at uni my best mate is indian and she's too scared to join the sikh society on her own so i regularly go to the events with her#and im typically one of the handful (or the only) white non-sikh there and i get SO welcomed each time#like there's such a genuine excitement to share the culture with someone who is effectively a blank slate#and like yeah ill ask 'dumb' questions or i'll have different experiences (tried a samosa for the first time at one of these events#and the moment that info got out i had like five STRANGERS trying to give me different samosas to try and it was genuinely such#a laugh bc yes they were TEASING me bc 'how have you never had one' but they were also really eager to share MORE as a result)#ugh idk what im saying. i just think it's a shame to watch this happen in real time on the internet#when if people would just go outside and actually TALK to people from other cultures they'd realise 9 times out of 10 the interactions#are actually really really nice for BOTH parties. and actually refusing to talk about this stuff is long-term pretty fucking detrimental#and it also goes the other way!!! like imagine if i - citizen of colonisation motherland herself - didn't interact with other cultures#and didnt ask questions or hear their opinions on whatever shared history we have from THEIR POINT OF VIEW#imagine the kind of shit id be internalising bc i only hung out with other white british people. it wouldnt matter if i was doing it#to be woke or 'respect their culture'. it would still be fucking ignorant. like half my interactions with other cultures#see me as the butt of the joke bc of this like aforementioned irish chef at work VOCALLY slates the english all the time#but it's done in an environment where we're FRIENDS and it's poking fun at each other while still addressing a very serious history. like??#idk if any of this is worded in a way that makes sense but yeah. i have thoughts#cant believe i got inspired to make an actually serious post bc of the CHEFS AT WORK. embarrassing. no one let them see this
78 notes
·
View notes
Text
if any other bitch in konoha had been gay apart from sasuke none of this would have happened to my son naruto.
#pussy from the turbotron edgelord 3000 and his whole life went up in flame. NOT worth it#no but fr it's insane how he bamboozled every fan into thinking he was so interesting and cool and badass when .#at the point im at in shippuden hes by far the least interesting of the main characters. one track mind (vengeance) and no depth beyond that#like the other characters rn : sakura coming in to her own ; finding her path and her strength + sharing a connection so deep with naruto#over their common loss that they both just Know although they absolutely cant talk about it#yamato: the only survivor of orochimaru's monstrous experiments on children; kakashi's stand in thats so different from kakashi#it makes you wonder what it would have been like with him as their teacher from the start;#a mystery thats clearly trying his best but whose mission truly is A Lot#SAI: A BRAINWASHED SPY A PAWN FOR A SECRET ORGANISATION WHO CLINGS TO HIS HUMANITY NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES HES BEEN PUNISHED FOR IT#WHO FELL IN LOVE WITH NARUTO FOR MAKING HIM REALIZE HOW DEEP THINGS COULD BE FELT AND HOW DEEP RELATIONSHIPS COULD RUN#WHO HAS BEEN DRAWING A BOOK FOR HIS DEAD BROTHER FOR YEARS EVEN IF HE'S FORGOTTEN WHAT HIS BROTHER LOOKS LIKE#WHO DECIDED TO SPARE SASUKE BECAUSE HE'S LOVED. WHO JUST WANTS TO LEARN HOW TO LIVE A HUMAN LIFE.#MOST AUTISTIC CODED CHARACTER OF ALL TIMES HAS NEVER SUCCESSFULLY MASKED A DAY IN HIS LIFE.#sasuke: sasuke#anyway. im not touching on naruto because i could be here for days#BUT while sasuke on his own so far is very whatever. the narusasu dynamic is truly one for the ages#bc i just saw the ep where sasuke manages to see kyuubi inside naruto and wooshes him away and it's very like.#oh so hes literally seeing naruto's demons and banishing them even as hes telling naruto they dont matter to each other anymore.#oh ok cool cool cool cool this feels normal and not something to obsess over#jesus christ why am i typing all this. who here cares#naruto thoughts
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
cold as shit & freezing my ass off in this winter (But at least we made it to December.)
#dadbots.txt#starting the new month off with a sore throat & body aches due to household cold-like symptoms. Thanks. Even when I was trying 2 avoid it#and with how cold it is — permanently staying In bed forever. Like it’s physically making me curl into a crab rn oh my god it’s so cold#Which is both hell and good in both ways. Bad since I stay in bed too much anyway. Almost everyday.#Especially with chronic low energy and 24/7 fatigued. Mentally and physically. And i really gotta do better -#- and reduce that since that adds up alongside other unhealthy habits. And I can literally feel it taking a toll on me unfortunately.#But also good since I’ll be resting more often than not. It’s not something i do and so having the opportunity to rest is kinda nice?#Still. Two sides of a coin right now. And this cold is definitely not helping me or the fact it’s easier to get sick 10x more.#Back to pain relievers and heat ig.#Although with this just. Might be a cold but also not? Thing? Since not all of my sore throats are colds but overproduced mucus. Gross.#But been drinking tea like habitually to knock this out and warm blankets and stuff. Feeling better as of typing this. So thank god it’s wo#This month been… interesting to say the least. A lot of personal talk and changes that should’ve happened years ago.#But hey. You live and learn.#And I’m not mad at it. I’m making progress when I would’ve shrugged and say it’d never happen. Now it’s happening and even I’m surprised#Doesn’t mean it’ll completely override everything in my life or push stuff to the side. Though it’s better than nothing so I’ll take it.#Winter is always hard for a lot of people and I’ve been hit with it as well. Even near the holidays and all.#Been rough. And the constant realization that each month I don’t remember…. Anything. That has happened.#But also that I did a little more than previously and slowly pushing it each month. Little by little.#There’s been a drastic change from last year to now. Went through new lifestyles and experiences. Exploring different fields. Etc#So it’s been one hell of a ride anyway. And that I can sit back and be content with. Even if nothing else is currently going on yknow#December probably gonna be slow. But we’ll see. Hope to bring new opportunities fortune and possibilities along the way. Take care y’all
1 note
·
View note
Text
it has been a while since i have advertised any of my favorite games and so hello ... !! i implore you to play final fantasy xiv (fourteen) it is my favorite game and it is so good for so many reasons i love it so much (unlimited free trial btw)
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#i could go on forever about this game and idk if that's even an exaggeration at this point bcs i've talked for hours about it#tbh i think any kind of gamer could play it (though ofc there's people who won't like it and that's fine bcs we're all different!)#but yeah it IS an mmorpg but there are really a lot of people who have this as their first mmorpg or the ONLY mmo they like#the story is incredibly good and ofc that too is. up to You but in general i do believe and a lot of others do as well that yeah#idk man :') this game has brought me an extreme amount of joy and is honestly . man. i owe so much to it#and i'm really not afraid to say that! either out of embarrassment or shame or whatever bcs i am affirmed by the many others who feel the#same that i'm not alone in feeling this way >_< idk. i think those around me and esp my loved ones and friends#deserve the experience the same joy ffxiv has given me ... even if not to the same extent ofc WHEEZE ffxiv just personally means#so much to me it consumes my mind and i love it so very much ehbgsbjhg BUT YEAH. yeah#i've felt a bit guilty or embarrassed to like ... express how much things mean to me bcs hmmhmmhm maybe i'm Too Much#but i think xiv has really helped me affirm myself and the fact that yeah! i'm just really passionate and enthusiastic about what i love#and uh. ehbghabgbhb i still don't share my thoughts except for to myself and to my twin and online just a bit but#man idk what i'm talking anymore about but i'm really grateful to ffxiv and i'm glad a lot of others are too ... ><#which is interesting bcs a lot of the playerbase is older than me :O hells yoshi-p is around the age of my dad and a streamer i watch is too#GBSHJBG ... and i have played with people much older than me as well! but it's. strangely nice?#i don't necessarily have to be wary about my safety bcs in general you wouldn't find that with the playerbase unless you do#specific things/go to specific places :O a lot are just people looking to have fun and/or relax after a long day. which is nice#hmm i'm just rambling a lot now again but yeah ... i think its really beautiful how we each have something that we love a lot#and for me one of those stuff is def ffxiv. and i . think it's understandable/valid for me to wish for those i care for to experience what#i have too :O hmm w all this ngl i see that i still need to better accept my feelings and all GHSBHG i'll try my best ><#okay rambles over GAH I SHOULD EAT DINNER. maybe finish 1 hw as well b4 the day ends ehe#tbh most of my rambles ^^ are for ffxiv w the RPG part bcs tbh it is true when people say it is like an rpg + mmo aspects lol#but i really appreciate the mmo aspect >< it's strangely helped me w my social anxiety rather than worsen it!#it's helped me make new friends and great experiences and considering w/o the mmo aspect i'd probably be still#drowning in my misery from back then :O if it were not for ffxiv i sincerely doubt i would have talked again to my irl best friends so <3#okay i will stop rambling now. tbh i don't think ... hm ... nvm. but anyway! no pressure ofc but yes i suggest u play ffxiv teehee#but if you really can't due to Reasons that is ofc fine as well! i don't want to seem like i'm forcin people wah ...#it is just a thing for ffxiv players to like advertising for ffxiv and i so happen to really like doing that lol ehbsjgh ><#uh i forgot what else i wanted to say but my throat is gabgjebgjhs so bye bye
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
i got complimented for the stickers on my water bottle being so cottagecore…. killing and biting and crying and screaming
#also going around under my deadname all day has been definitely a weird and not good experience#like i haven’t had to introduce myself under my deadname since before i even knew i was trans#(even when i have to pretend to be cis i always go with ari because i can treat it like a silly nickname and be kinda okay with it)#i never just spend my time with my mom constantly at my shoulder and it’s been weird#also the bus driver was being majorly creepy toward my mom#like. as we were boarding the first time he was like oh you you’re special your red hair makes you special#and then he called her like. ‘‘my special redhead lady’’#and it was just. very uncomfortable. like i don’t usually run into people being that weird about gingers but this guy was#anyway lincoln is nice but it’s a lot like st paul so my mom thinks i should stay in state and go a little further into the cities#it does kind of feel like i should either go somewhere new and different (madison) or save the cost of room and board when this is basically#just another midwestern city only 6 hours further away#but the thing is i WANT to be far from home it’s just. everything feels very fragile and hard to figure out#i have to pull up tuition figures for all the schools again it’s getting really hard to remember what i’m getting into with each one#anyway idk. like. i like it here but. my dad wasn’t wrong when he said nearly everyone is white here it’s friggin weird#like there’s a couple other poc touring but i’m talking like. three total out of 60. so idk how it would feel to relocate here#anyway i’ve got a lot to think about but i haven’t even officially toured campus yet. i’m sticking with it#and there’s the international quilt museum and stuff here that are really cool#so yeah i’ll keep giving it a chance. it’s just. idk it’s not quite what i was expecting#that being said i would happily be a student here. i’m just not sure it’s worth whatever tuition costs to be here#anyway i’ll shut up about college stuff it’s just where i’m physically at right now so it’s what’s on my mind#but yeah. idk. i still have time to figure all of this out. and i will. just. yeah#me. my post. mine.#delete later#college talk
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
despicable
updates as of 22 oct
Travis Dermott knew that he would draw attention with his actions in the Coyotes’ home opener against the Anaheim Ducks at Mullett Arena on Saturday. The Arizona defenseman just hoped that the spotlight might shine on the issue that he was addressing, not on him.
“You don’t really want to go against rules that are put in place by your employer, but there’s some people who took some positive things from it,” Dermott said. “That’s kind of what I’m looking to impact.
“You want to have everyone feel included and that’s something that I have felt passionate about for a long time in my career. It’s not like I just just jumped on this train. It’s something that I’ve felt has been lacking in the hockey community for a while. I feel like we need supporters of a movement like this; to have everyone feel included and really to beat home the idea that hockey is for everyone.”
“I won’t lie,” said Dermott, who is playing on a one-year, two-way contract. “From the outside, it’s easy to see that I’m putting my career on the line for something. I definitely went through some emotional ups and downs that night, not regretting anything by any means, but I’d love to have maybe done a couple of steps a little different by making sure that everyone was aware of what was going on before I did it.
“I don’t want to put my teammates or my coaches or my GMs or the equipment managers in any kind of bad light when it’s their job to kind of look out for something like this happening. It was definitely something that I did just by myself and was prepared to kind of deal with whatever repercussions the league decides to push towards that. I’m not going to back off and say that this battle is won, but we’re going to find better ways to do it.”
As Dermott noted, LGBTQ+ inclusion is an issue that he has supported for a long time. Without getting into specifics, Dermott said the issue is personal for him because it impacts people close to him.
“I’d be lying if I said I haven’t shed tears about this on multiple occasions,” he said. “So yeah, it’s something I’m definitely very passionate about.
“I’ve met a lot of people that from the outside, it looks like they have everything going right in their life and they have a smile on their face every time they talk to you. But sometimes when we get closer to people and get comfortable enough for them to open up to you, you can see that there’s some pretty dark stuff happening to some good people. It doesn’t take too many times encountering something like that for it to really change someone.
“I’ve been blessed to have some of those opportunities put in front of me to really change my view of what being a good person means; what being a good father and a good example and role model means going forward. You really see how people are hurting and it’s because of a system that maybe no one’s intentionally trying to be malicious about, but until you’ve really had that first-person experience seeing people hurting from it right in front of you, it’s tough to kind of take steps.”
It would be a surprise if the league handed down any sort of punishment. The optics alone would add to the public relations damage that the original ban created. Even so, Dermott reiterated his desire to bring the entire franchise into the fold before he takes similar actions in the future, but he also made it clear that he will not be silenced on the topic.
“It’s not like I’m shutting up and going away,” he said. “I know more questions are going to be coming. We’re just going to be as prepared as we can be to just spread love. That’s the thing. It’s gay pride that we’re talking about, but it could be men’s health. It could be any war. It’s just wanting world peace. Everyone’s got to love each other a little bit more.
“Like my parents said growing up, ‘How awesome would it be to be the guy that people look up to?’ That’s what really hit home when I was a kid, especially from my mom. You want to grow up and be that guy. You want to be the guy that’s having the impact on kids like NHL players had on you. If they had been racist or bigoted, that’s going to have an effect on you.
“With how many eyes are on us, especially with the young kids coming up in the new generation, you want to put as much positive love into their brain as you can. You want them to see that it’s not just being taught or coming from maybe their parents at home. They need to see it in the public eye for it to really make an effect.”
34K notes
·
View notes
Text
The hypocrisy of Jinshi and MaoMao
*light novel spoilers*
I just love how hypocritical MaoMao's nature is. She yells at Jinshi for being a 'Masochist' and yet we see that she's no different. Now, by definition Masochist is a person who drives sexual gratification from their own pain and humiliation, plus it relates to Jinshi's tendency to do self harm (like burning his skin with a brand)
And what is MaoMao's most favourite thing in this world?
POISON
She literally takes pleasure in consuming it and no one can convince me otherwise. Plus she uses dangerous plants and animals and snakes whatnot in the name of her so-called experiments. Her dad may call her a 'mad Scientist' but that is a direct indication of self harm.
And she calls Jinshi a Masochist.
I mean, think about it! The amount of anxiety she gives to Jinshi! She came prepared with a vomit inducing medicine but even she had no idea whether it would work or not. She was just hoping it would work in the salt chapter.
And the same goes for her hand, on which she has conducted countless experiments. One flower even burned her skin and its marks never left her skin. She said it was all for her hobby. What kind of weird hobby is that? Maybe, our little adorable mad scientist is just like that.
One brands his own skin, while the other takes heavenly pleasure in consuming poison.
So my point is, Jinshi and MaoMao are not that different as one might think they are and that's why their dynamic works so well.
Let's look at the excerpts from volume 5:
She didn’t know how long they sat that way. All she knew was
that Jinshi was looking down at her with a faintly triumphant
expression, as if he saw that the breath had reached every corner of
her body now. He wiped away the tears that had sprung to her eyes
as she struggled to breathe.
It was then that Maomao felt a flash of intense anger. “I said
that if you were going to kill me, you should do it with poison,” she
told him.
“I refuse to let you poison yourself,” Jinshi said, his fingers
tracing her lips. “You can’t pretend you didn’t know that you were
one of the candidates. As much as I’m sure you’d like to.” He wasn’t
done, either: “Who was that man, anyway? I’m sure you’re not a
dancer.”
So he had been watching them!
“I was just paying for my drink,” Maomao said. “It didn’t cost
much.” She tried to look away, but with his hand on her head, she
really couldn’t.
Jinshi just choked her and yet he refuses to let MaoMao poison herself. A lot of people misinterpret this scene, and don't like it all that much, saying it was just fanservice stuff but this is how I see it: Jinshi wasn't trying to kill MaoMao, he was just trying to make MaoMao submit to him for once (even if the way he did it was very wrong, but guess he's kinky like that). MaoMao is actively trying to harm herself and Jinshi loves MaoMao a lot, he cannot just let her kill herself.
It was more about him trying to exert his dominance in their weirdish - complicated relationship and that also backfires on him as we see in the next volume that MaoMao escapes Jinshi's grasps using Pairin's techniques.
And then they both continue to avoid each other in the entire next volume! Because they both realised that they have crossed boundaries.
They both are hypocrites.
And they both refuse to accept their feelings.
In one of the later volumes, she gives Jinshi a piece of her mind on how he should tell her everything clearly, unequivocally, what he feels, and he literally declares that "he will make her his wife", which is nice and all but look at the wording MaoMao used here....
Excerpts from LN Vol 7, chapter 19 called "A man and a woman play the game"
"You’re forever telling me I need to use my words, Master
Jinshi, but are you in any position to criticize? Everything you say
to me, everything you do, it’s like it’s calculated to save you from
ever having to actually say what you mean! To make me figure it all
out! You know, you remind me of someone. You act exactly like a
man who used to come by our brothel all the time. He was in love
with one of the girls, but he would never just come out and say it.
He thought it should be obvious from the way he acted. He was so
sure he had a good thing going with this woman that he never sent
her so much as a letter. I remember how forlorn he looked when
someone else swooped in and snatched her away! He kept coming
to the brothel after that—to get drunk and whine to the ladies.
Well, in my opinion, he could have avoided all that heartbreak if
he’d told the woman how he felt. Clearly, unequivocally, so that she
knew where they stood. It was the least he could have done!”
Everything came out in a torrent. She felt like she’d said it all in
one breath. It was strange, she thought, to hear so many words
come out of her own mouth. She was mystified. Jinshi was no less
startled, but the shock soon left his face, replaced by something
else. He got up off the bed and stared down at Maomao.
Shit. Now I’ve done it. She’d given him a piece of her mind, and
he was about to give her one back.
“So I should be clear, should I? Unequivocal? I should say what
I mean? If I did, would you actually listen to me? Is that what
you’re telling me? I’m going to hold you to that! Right this minute.
I’ll say it all. Don’t plug your ears—listen to me!” He grabbed her
hands as she was in the process of trying to put her fingers in her ears. He took a breath. He was looking at Maomao, but somehow he
seemed almost embarrassed.
Finally he managed, “Now listen to me, y—I mean, Maomao!
Listen close! I am going to make you my wife!”
It's one heck of a chapter and I suggest you give it a go! The title of the chapter says "A man and a woman play the game" as if to emphasize the very fact that both Jinshi and MaoMao are playing the game.
Jinshi has never confessed his true feelings before this chapter and only implied that he wanted to make MaoMao his wife.
The implications were heavy though on Jinshi's part, and as smart as MaoMao is, anyone would have guessed that MaoMao was one of the candidates for Jinshi's consort. Even the clothes she received (the ones she wore to the banquet) were also provided by Jinshi along with the hairpin. It is never stated outright but seeing as the hairpin was from Jinshi, the clothes are also implied to be the same.
More or less she's always deliberately ignoring the possibility of having anything to do with him, that is more than professional. Some may call it denial, I call it dense. Maybe, to some extent, she herself is not aware of her feelings because she never lets herself feel anything.
Even Suiren pointed it out pretty early in the manga, that maybe it's MaoMao's way of being reserved. We need to keep in mind that MaoMao is an unreliable narrator and it's more of what she does, rather than what she says that makes a difference.
Even in the chapter that I have quoted above, she had every reason to leave Jinshi, she wasn't working for him after all. But she stayed to make tea for him, even after the fact that she had a long day too. She was almost just as exhausted as Jinshi and yet she was there preparing medicinal tea, so that he could get a better sleep.
Maybe she herself is yet to realise just how deep her feelings run. Till vol 12 she seems to have accepted them, but she still is yet to acknowledge their depth. Maybe it's because of her childhood.
It's not a traumatic backstory but MaoMao had a sad childhood nonetheless....
She was raised by her grand uncle and her real father was eccentric, who scared her. Her mother must also appear to be kind of demonic to her, since she was desperate enough to cut MaoMao's Pinky finger and send it to Lahan. So it's safe to say that MaoMao never received proper parental affection. And adding to the fact that, a brothel is not exactly an ideal place for raising a child.... especially when the birth of MaoMao was the one thing that brought the brothel to its knees...even if being born wasn't her choice.
Plus MaoMao stated it herself that when she was a baby, no one would come to sooth her until their work was finished, implying that even if MaoMao and her brothel sisters are close, they are not that close. A mother's love is different and she never received it. No one can love you more than your mother and MaoMao was deprived of that. She soon realised that no one was coming. Life is hard and she has no choice but to face it!
So, she got interested in poison.
Maybe she doesn't love herself or her life as much as she says / pretends she does. She's always like "yeah, I would very much like my head to be with my body" and "if I stay low profile maybe I can survive here" etc but maybe deep down that's not the case. Maybe that's why she loves poison so much. The implications are crazy.
And to break MaoMao's shell, Jinshi has no choice but to be a bit more forceful at times? At least that's how I interpret that choking scene. Jinshi was angry at MaoMao because she deliberately suggested him to marry consort Rishu and danced with Rikuson.
Even if Jinshi never said it outright, he was giving hints the entire time.
But well the tables turned and MaoMao topped him instead, lol (vol 7) and later we even see that our little stray cat has accepted Jinshi and she's ready to be in a relationship with him (vol 12).
Plus she is intrigued by the process of birth (she wants to eat her baby's placenta, it's kind of uggghhh.... but anyways, that MaoMao we're talking about, she's just weird that way)
Maybe not after too long she'll realise that if she has to give birth, she can only have it with Jinshi and no one else.
~Sunshine
#maomao#kusuriya no hitorigoto#kusuriya no hitorigoto manga#jinshi#jinshi x maomao#maomao x jinshi#the apothecary diaries#the Apothecary Diaries manga#tad manga#kusuriya no hitorigoto spoilers#manga#anime#spoilers#kusuriya no hitorigoto light novel#kusuriya no hitorigoto LN#the apothecary diaries anime#shoujo#shoujo couples#seinen#aashi animetalks#aashi heartfilia#mao mao#mao mao x jinshi#mao mao x reader#mao mao tad#maomao kusuriya no hitorigoto#light novel#kusuriya anime#shoujo anime#shoujo anime couples
4K notes
·
View notes
Note
What’s your opinion on the contrast between “silly” and “serious” spaces? Do you think people can have very serious interpretations about a genuine piece of media and also be goofy about it? I’m asking this particularly because I’ve seen people in the Magnus podcast fandoms fight about people “misinterpreting” characters you, Alex, and the many other authors have written. Are you okay with the blorbofication or do you really wish the media you’ve written would be “taken seriously” 100% of the time?
And follow up question, what do you think about the whole “it’s up to the reader (or in some cases, listener) to make their own conclusions and interpretations and that does not make them wrong”, versus the “it was written this way because the author intended it this way, and we should respect that” argument?
This is a question I've given a lot of thought over the years, to the point where I don't know how much I can respond without it becoming a literal essay. But I'll try.
My main principle for this stuff boils roughly down to: "The only incorrect way to respond to art is to try and police the responses of others." Art is an intensely subjective, personal thing, and I think a lot of online spaces that engage with media are somewhat antithetical to what is, to me, a key part of it, which is sitting alone with your response to a story, a character, a scene or an image and allowing yourself to explore it's effect on you. To feel your feelings and think about them in relation to the text.
Now, this is not to say that jokes and goofiness about a piece of art aren't fucking great. I love to watch The Thing and drink in the vibes or arctic desolation and paranoia, or think about the picture it paints of masculinity as a sublimely lonely thing where the most terrible threat is that of an imposed, alien intimacy. And that actually makes me laugh even more the jokey shitpost "Do you think the guys in The Thing ever explored each other's bodies? Yeah but watch out". Silly and serious don't have to be in opposition, and I often find the best jokes about a piece of media come from those who have really engaged with it.
And in terms of interpreting characters? Interpreting and responding to fictional characters is one of the key functions of stories. They're not real people, there is no objective truth to who they are or what they do or why they do it. They are artificial constructs and the life they are given is given by you, the reader/listener/viewer, etc. Your interpetation of them can't be wrong, because your interpretation of them is all that there is, they have no existence outside of that.
And obviously your interpretation will be different to other people's, because your brain, your life, your associations - the building blocks from which the voices you hear on a podcast become realised people in your mind - are entirely your own. Thus you cannot say anyone else's is wrong. You can say "That's not how it came across to me" or "I have a very different reading of that character", but that's it. I suppose if someone is fundamentally missing something (like saying "x character would never use violence" when x character strangles a man to death in chapter 4) you could say "I think that's a significant misreading of the text", but that's only to be reserved for if you have the evidence to back it up and are feeling really savage.
I think this is one of the things that saddens me a bit about some aspects of fandom culture - it has a tendency to police or standardise responses or interpretations, turning them from personal experiences to be explored into public takes to be argued over. It also has the occasional moralistic strain, and if there's one thing I wish I could carve in stone on every fan space it's that Your Responses to a Piece of Art Carry No Intrinsic Moral Weight.
As for authorial intention, that's a simpler one: who gives a shit? Even the author doesn't know their own intentions half the time. There is intentionality there, of course, but often it's a chaotic and shifting mix of theme and story and character which rarely sticks in the mind in the exact form it had during writing. If you ask me what my intention was in a scene from five years ago, I'll give you an answer, but it will be my own current interpretation of a half-remembered thing, altered and warped by my own changing relationship to the work and five years of consideration and change within myself. Or I might not remember at all and just have a guess. And I'm a best case scenario because I'm still alive. Thinking about a writers possible or stated intentions is interesting and can often lead to some compelling discussion or examination, but to try and hold it up as any sort of "truth" is, to my mind, deeply misguided.
Authorial statements can provide interesting context to a work, or suggest possible readings, but they have no actual transformative effect on the text. If an author says of a book that they always imagined y character being black, despite it never being mentioned in the text, that's interesting - what happens if we read that character as black? How does it change our responses to the that character actions and position? How does it affect the wider themes and story? It doesn't, however, actually make y character black because in the text itself their race remains nonspecific. The author lost the ability to make that change the moment it was published. It's not solely theirs anymore.
So yeah, that was a fuckin essay. In conclusion, serious and silly are both good, but serious does not mean yelling at other people about "misinterpretations", it means sitting with your personal explorations of a piece of art. All interpretations are valid unless they've legitimately missed a major part of the text (and even then they're still valid interpretations of whatever incomplete or odd version of the text exists inside that person's brain). Authorial intent is interesting to think about but ultimately unknowable, untrustworthy and certainly not a source of truth. Phew.
Oh, and blorbofication is fine, though it does to my mind sometimes pair with a certain shallowness to one's exploration of the work in question.
#Big thoughts#Big rambles#These are my current thoughts at least#They will likely change#As all things do
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
:D
#I need to. APPRECIATION POST FOR MY BFF#who I love very much#and doesn’t have tumblr so I’ll gush here lol#I think the root of a lot of my problems with former friends boils down to them not having similar lived experiences as me#no idpol but tbh it does not lend them to having as much of a potential to really empathize with me and understand my individual struggles#to be quite frank it REALLY boils down to white friends with their white fragility and virtue signaling#who just cannot be bothered to do something with their privilege when the time comes for them to make a choice that impacts the rest of us#because suddenly they don’t want to rock the boat or get involved in an argument or ohhh it’s just so complicated and confusing :///#where did your punch a nazi energy go? all of your posturing and self proclaimactions of allyship were ultimately bullshit get over yourself#okay enough venting let’s get to the point: it is so refreshing beyond words to have another Indigiqueer who you can trust#and who can intimately fathom all of this frustration I have had to deal with…#I have always gotten on well with other first gen immigrants but that does not mean we have the same experiences beyond a surface level#we’re both autistic similar interests similar politics even similar experiences with wrestling historical/colonial identity#bff is even vegan and we always talk about cooking our precolonial dishes for one another since they are usually plant based :D#mutual and intense hatred of spain and france as colonial powers is cathartic too and idk just so interesting to see how it has left a mark#on both of our cultures in very similar ways despite being otherwise pretty different and an entire ocean away… sad that many things we have#in common are results of having the same colonizers… okay I said I wouldn’t VENT DAMN!!! anyway I feel understood completely#and it’s super AWESOME and we spend lots of time together every day and broo healthy communication and boundaries for once in my life!!!!#former friends could never holy shit… we can trust each other with anything and it’s so great and conversation is effortless stress free#bff feels the same way and tells me all the time it makes me so :D!!! also my bff is super smart and I’m always learning new things#I think I always missed out on the best friend experience bro let’s not even get into the first and only one prior… but THIS. yep this is it#the fact that we both already agreed on so many things and shared so many interests upon the first few conversations was unbelievable lucky#divine intervention or something because I never go out of my way to make friends and poof. new friend starts talking to me out of nowhere#I love my best friend!!! sorry if you’re a yt who truly puts in the effort but the bar has been drastically raised#I’m no longer settling for mediocre white people who look to me for validation get your ass out of here for REAL I’m SICK of y’all 💀💀💀💀💀#genuinely fuck you get out of my sight I do not have the patience any longer! btw any of my current white friends reading this ur cool dw 👍#if you weren’t cool you’d be gone long before this dissertation lol…#feeling so honored and thankful every day :) really really happy :D I hope everyone like me feeling isolated and alone right now finds#someone like this! mind blowing how I stayed sane in the past having been surrounded by unsavory characters sheesh…#ven talks
1 note
·
View note
Last Seen Blogs
nepaldetail9
The Life of Lohmann 082
kwekwek
kwekwek
sandyjarrell
Sandy Jarrell
hyuuga-lioness
Hyuuga Lioness
ezinck
tabula rasa