#dont we love how depression fucks over this child
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hakoda: you need to stay here and protect your sister
13 year old sokka, whose only point of reference for "protecting his sister" is literally his mother sacrificing herself in katara's place: ok 😃
#not shaming on hakoda here#well...#little shaming on hakoda here#but poor poor sokka#katara and sokka#please grant them therapy so they might move on from their codependency#yo kyas sacrifice#aside from fucking sokka up cause you know thats his mum#also fucked sokka up when he believed that everyone decided that katara was far more important than him#and thus him sacrificing his world for her was not only the right thing to do#it was also expected of him#anyhoo#dont we love how depression fucks over this child#hakoda and kya and sokka and katara#my fav disfunctional fam
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Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over
Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰
#its like okay listen i understand the basic math of any persona game they say things and everything they say is actually#very bad when you think about it for more than 3 seconds#like what theyre intending to do with the death of this character is be like oh no your sad friend dies tragically thats so saddddd#but that doesnt mean you cant live a wonderful life full of meaning you cant let grief consume you life is beautiful awagga#and i guess shinji is a specific character whos used cuz i guess its more tragic that he never realized he was worthy of life and shit#and i guess its also like ‘dont be like this guy who let grief consume him and then died you gotta Be Different’#which i dont. love. that last part cuz if you think about shinji and what led him down this road#its like. of course hes depressed! he accidentally killed a woman with a child when he was 16!#he himself is an orphan and he just made some other kid an orphan as well and it happened cuz his persona went out of control#which very much can translate to ‘this must mean im dangerous and can hurt everyone if im not kept under control’#so of course he isolated himself and believed he was evil and became suicidal like who wouldnt feel that way#like am i supposed to be mad he left sees and took drugs cuz uh while i dont think isolation or Evil Drug is good for his mental health#i dont think him continuing to fight in sees is something he can just easily do again given how he killed someone like he shouldnt have to#be a part of this thing anymore like how would he even safely get castor to not do that??? he cant kill more people on accident!#so yeah like using shinji as an example of bad coping mechanisms is already just. a big fucking oof to me like it just feels like the game#is saying he shouldve gotten over it and simply not be suicidal and stayed on the team. idk if thats the intent but uh it wouldnt faze me#cuz persona games are notoriously awful at writing characters who are traumatized and abused#but what makes everything even worse is how the game kinda like. acts like shinjis death is a stepping stone#like we’re supposed to use it as a wake up call and understand the stakes but keep going on anyways#and akihiko and Ken get. ‘great character development’ according to the game telling you they have now developed#but damn all akihiko is is just repressed he cries for 3 seconds and then is like I SHOULD MAN UP and then neglects a depressed child#shinjis dying words are words to live by now even though they piss me the fuck off like girl am i crazy HES FUCKING#HES TELLING ME NOT TO CRY OVER HIM BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE DEAD ACTUALLY AND THIS IS A GOOD THING ACTUALLY#like if the game wants us to still find meaning in life despite losing someone it just really hurts that shinji has to die for that to work#apparently. cuz the character i see myself in is shinji. not some perfect prettyboy who does everything perfectly and has 4 gfs#his death seems like a punishment for bad behavior. the bad behavior being of course depression and drug use. and im simply supposed to be#better than that if i want to live. and we dont get to form a connection with him cuz thats gayyyyy#and his death is like a NOBLE HEROIC SACRIFICE idk its just such bullshit to me i hate it so bad#how is killing a suicidal guy and then treating it as admirable that he said ‘this is how it should be’ supposed to make me feel#makes me feel sick personally and it ruins the entire game’s theme to me because its fucking shallow and the story is bad and im tired
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im starting to think the switch might just be the worst nintendo console.
#like. sure it's gimmick is pretty unique. but i can count on like. One hand how many games on this console ive liked.#and of those games only 2 are new games. two are remasters. & one is a port.#idk man it just. feels like because theyre making So much fucking money off of this thing that they just got.... kind of lazy???#like idk the quality of the games releasing just. isn't as good anymore. the gamecube loved me. my wii was my closest friend.#but the switch? this is just a machine. okay maybe it's just bc im not 6 anymore and do not experience the whimsy & wonder of a child.#we Need the gamecube 3. not 2. bc that was the wii. game rectangle.... idk man im just not feelin it. lame ui. lame games. im over it man.#and yes this is absolutely just me being depressed probably. lol. lmao. but im just. trying to think of Good games on this console & i cant#ones that Arent re releases. theres splat & dread. thats it. everything else has been completely inferior to the games that came out before#i Guess maybe lug mansion was good... but i didnt play it so i cant confirm. dont say smash.
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Would.
Hi Scarlet Hollow nation, I’m being completely normal about Dr. Joan Kelly I promise (I’m lying)
I want to make it clear that I don’t condone her actions. She is a horrible woman who caused irreversible trauma to her son and she should be held accountable for it. People do insane things when they are scared and I think that’s especially true for her. I know a lot of people are like “If Reese was my son I would figure out coping methods to prevent him from becoming a monster.” And sure! Maybe you would! But logically, I think watching your virgin birth child’s bones crack and reform would psychologically fuck you up. ESPECIALLY when it mainly happens when he’s mad. Like!! Imagine telling your son no to staying up late and he morphs into a creature that can easily overpower you and kill you because he’s unreasonably pissed. We don’t know what Reese was like in those three other instances. While he’s generally just kinda depressed now, we’ve seen first hand how his emotions take over when he’s angry.
And don’t come at me. I know that Reese becoming a monster is a metaphor for neurodivergence and mental illness! I also love his character and could write a novel on him because I think he’s great! However, within the physical world of Scarlet Hollow, he literally transforms into like an 8 foot tall monster who can unhinge his jaw and murder people. While from our perspective, it may be something to examine and find the symbolism in, from the Scarlet Hollow perspective he is akin to a massive predator with magical powers.
I just think it’s important to recognize that Joan is also a victim of the horrible town of Scarlet Hollow. The methods which she uses to survive are NOT ok. Again, i want to make it clear that I DONT condone her poisoning her son. Still, I can see why she felt the need to do what she did. She is a complicated character, as are all of the Scarlet Hollow NPCs.
Back to being silly now! I also like her because she’s hot and I would let her commit acts of medical malpractice on me <3
#scarlet hollow#murph monolgues#dr kelly#joan kelly#dr joan kelly#reese kelly#a bit of a rant#scarlet hollow game#would#awooga#i will always try to give up my years if it means I can flirt with her#tehehehe#mwah !
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The Miscellaneous questions for River and his man/child, i mean husband.
i actually loled haha!! thank you for asking, love.
MISCELLANEOUS:
Is money a problem?
River: its not. i think we're lucky that blake got drafted and makes a good amount of money playing football. we literally got married while we were still in high school and a good majority of kids that do that are NOT in the same position we're in right now.
How many cars do they own?
Blake: we own two. one for riv to take the kids around when im not home and one for me to take to practice/games all that stuff.
Do they own their home or do they rent?
Blake: DUDEEEE if my apartment couldve magically grown with every kid we had ..then i would still be renting. good memories in that place
River: better memories in a place where we actually have room for kids..and me.
Do they live near the coast or deep in the countryside?
Blake: we're balls deep in suburbia right now. his parents live out in the country and FUCK I WANT IT SO BAD.
Do they live in the city or in the country?
River: suburbs ..for now.
Do they enjoy their surroundings?
River: i was fucking DYING in that apartment. i think having the house kinda gives me space so i dont really necessarily feel like im suffocating.
Blake: you feel like your suffocating?
River: in your man cave apartment i did yeah.
What’s their song?
Blake: i gotta do it' so high school'-taylor swift
What do they do when they’re away from each other?
River: we dont constantly text eachother but little pics through the day i think. gives us time to be you know separate people and lets us enjoy whatever we're doing at the moment without being glued to our phone all the time.
Blake: i demand sexy riv pics every night im away [smirks]
River: demands a strong word.
Blake: you know what i mean. i APPRECIATE sexy riv pics every night.
River: dude. looking like a douchebag.
Where did they first meet?
Blake: we went to school together [smirks] friends first.
How did they first meet?
Blake: we were in the same gym class and he fucking PELTED me with a dodgeball man. love at first sight. for me.
Who spends the most money when out shopping?
Blake : *points to riv*
River: treats.
Who’s more likely to flash their assets?
River: oh my god blake. he does it during games. FINED ALL OF THE TIME.
Blake: worth it [smirks]
Who finds it amusing when the other trips over?
River: me. hes not coordinated at all. youd think he would be but....
Any mental issues?
Blake: oh god yeah. i mean...
River: i have depression. the past years been kinda.. i dont know. but i am doing better. im getting better
Blake: my boy.
Who’s terrified of bugs?
River: i think both of us? fuck that shit.
Who kills the spiders around the house?
Blake: Nellie
River: definitely Nellie.
Their favourite place?
Blake: [smirks] theres this little ranch up in chestnut ridge. i love taking him there. just me him. no kids.
River:thats a good place [smirks]
Who pays the bills?
Blake [raises hand] and proud of that shit
Do they have any fears for their future?
River: i think that...we went through a lot of rough stuff in our separation and i just..do not want to go through that again. i think we're on a good path right now and i want to stay on that path
Blake: i think what riv said yeah. the last thing we both wanted when we were having problems was a divorce. and its something i do not want. i guess thats my fear for my future. i just wanna be good for him. i know i wasnt in the past.im trying to be now.
Who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner?
Blake: me for SURE.
Who uses up all of the hot water?
Blake: again me for SURE. but he can crash the shower whenever
River: me time,babe.
Who’s the tallest?
Blake: me. rivers a short shit.
Who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other?
River:thats definitely blake. i LOVE showering alone but hey.
Blake: wont turn down that DICK.
River: gross.
Who wanders around in their underwear?
River: [points to blake] he hasnt learned.
Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio?
Blake: River for sure.he has a pretty voice though. love to hear that shit.
What do they tease each other about?
River: i like to tease him over how much of a pussy he was for me back in our first starting dating days
Blake: i cried after we fucked for the first time. for real. and id do it again.
Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times?
River: me. blakes taste is .....
Do they have mutual friends?
River: not anymore.
Who crushed first?
Blake: oh me for sure. unless riv is about to say something i didnt know
River: i never really considered that AT ALL until you kissed me that one day. you werent on my radar at all i was so into my girlfriend at the time
Blake:until ....
Any alcohol or substance related problems?
River: no we both quit that stuff when teddie came along.
Who is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am?
Blake: we are good boys [smirks]
Who swears the most?
River: i think me and its purely because of my dads influence i swear to god.
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Larissa weems x fem!reader
Name: " when the pain cuts you deep"
Warning: indecent language, depression, insecurities, self hatred,panic attacks, childhood trauma, low self esteem, FLUFF.
Request: hey darling! Can I request a sad reader x larissa please! Also can it be based off the song remedy from adele, including some stuff like depression, insecurities, self hatred,childhood trauma, anxiety, panic attacks, low self esteem etc rissa comes home to r crying in the bathroom saying shes not good enough and no one cares about her. BUTS LOTS OF FLUFF FROM RISSA!! I kbow that you would use your imagination and make this into art BTW i love your fanfics keeping working magic and have a good day!!
A/n: thank you darling!! And I hope your doing well just know that your gonna be ok :)
○☆○☆○☆○☆○☆○☆○☆○☆○☆○☆○☆○☆○☆○☆○☆○☆○
Growing up you had a pretty fucked up childhood. While other kids were busy being happy and playing with toys you were busy being miserable and suffering. Depression is something everyone can relate to. Either it be serious or not.
We all faced a time when we once questioned our existence on earth. You've been a broken child growing up. And because of that it destroyed many of your relationships. Because people didn't know how to cope and relate to you mentally.
But when you met larissa that all changed. You first met her at a conference meeting. That's when she helped you with through your first panic attack in public. After that the both of you got really close.
Larissa was always gentle with you. Never pressured you. Never belittle you, underestimated you, made you feel scared, lonely, hurt, nothing that people would normally make you feel.
You always thought that you weren't capable of loving. But the day larissa proposed to you would forever be a eternal memory to you. It's been 5 years now, and you haven't regret a thing.
♧
Larissa knew when you didn't come to hug her at the door when she came home something was wrong. Big time. Fear rushed over her as panic filled her body, as she called your name once and didn't get a response. " darling? Where are you, I'm home" she said running up the stairs to the second floor.
She heard you. Your quiet sobs of pain. Her heart immediately shattered. She hated seeing you hurt so much. Especially when she knows sometimes she can't help. You just have to get over it yourself in your own time. In your own space. Which she highly respected.
She gently knocked on the door causing you to jump from inside. You were so lost in yourself you didn't even hear her come home. " baby you ok?" She asked voice dripping with care and love but hasten with worry. You sniffed as you pulled in a cold long breath.
" Yes but I'll be out soon" you said barely getting it out before you broke down into tears again. As much as you wanted to be alone in your shit you wanted to be in her embrace. With her soothing words of affection. Her soft touch, her kisses. Oh you wanted it all.
You always hated physical touch but larissa was different. Far different. Her touch was magical. And you hated pushing her away when she so desperately wanted to help you.
" my love you can't hide forever, dont do this to yourself please" she whispered the last word coming painfully. She sat on the ground on the other end of the door. You pulled your knees closer to your chest and placed your head on them. You couldn't face yourself and now you couldn't face her. You've been here a million times before.
And she was always there every step of the way. So why are you shutting her out now? Why the distancing. It was the self doubt again. The little demon in your head telling you no one loves or care about you. That's what it was, larissa thought to her self.
" What's troubling my dove?" She asked voice soft as ever. She really was meant for you. You couldn't help the sobs. When she asked you the question your heart suddenly gaved out. You suddenly had the urge to tell your lover everything.
You slowly opened the door. Larissa immediately stood to her feet taking a good look at you. Puffy eyes, messed up mascara, messy hair. Her heart ached at the sight of you. It seriously broke her heart to see you in such state.
" I don't feel like I'm good enough for anything or anyone rissa, not even for you. I hate myself, I'm always messing things up. I dont wanna hurt anyone. I wanna let go riss" you said voice breaking. Soon the tears came flooding your eyes and cheeks again.
"Oh honey" she cooed as she pulled you into her arms. "Let it out" she whispered, placing your face into her neck. You cried harder. Her grip around tighten as she was trying to get you as close to her as possible. She allowed you to cry and cry til you couldn't anymore.
You became numb to the pain.
♧
After larissa gaved you a bath she placed you in bed. She got dressed into something more comfortable and took her place beside you on the bed. For a while there was completely silence. You stared into the room avoiding eye contact with her.
You could feel her staring at you. "Baby" she whispered cupping your face in her hands. You melted into her touch, whimpering at the sensation.
" look up" she whispered and you did just so, as soon as your eyes met her gaze she kissed you softly. You didn't have the energy to kiss back so you just let her do all the love and affection. Her soft lips against yours was always a feeling you would never get tired of.
You moaned into her mouth as she deepened the kiss. This is what you loved most about larissa. She could take all your pain away in a instant. Make you feel safe. Important.
" why didn't you tell me the feelings were coming back?" She asked proceeding to leave kisses all over your face. You pulled away from her eyes meeting her gaze. " I didn't want to burden you with unnecessary things" you whispered looking away from her.
She immediately brought your gaze back to hers. " y/n you are not a burden and your feelings and mental health is not unnecessary, my love" she said smiling softly. Her eyes were filled with hope and love.
" I love you beyond stars, do you know what I'd do for you?" You sniffed and barley was able to look at her because your eyes were hurting so bad. " I'd jump off a cliff for you. Get hit by a train for you. Die for you" she said, kissing your cheek.
Suddenly your chest started to feel tight. Your breathing became more erratic. It was a panic attack. Larissa noticed immediately. She pulled you closer to her and placed your head on her shoulder. " remember what we participated darling" she whispered, she slowly inhaled and you followed.
Then she slowly exhaled. You followed her breathing steps for a good while before you were ok again. You pulled away from larissa and looked up at her.
" thank you for being so patient with me, rissa" you whispered looking down at the sheets and slightly pulling them. Larissa used her hand to rise up your chin. She took both your hands in hers. She kissed you on your forehead softly. " I meant what I said in our wedding vows" she whispered.
" that'd you be by my side forever?" You asked low laying your head into her lap.
She slowly Bagan to run her fingers through your messy hair. Fingernails brushing your scalp lightly. Soon you started to fall asleep. Larissa fixed you probably so that you were comfortable, by placing your head on a pillow and your blanket over you.
You were completely asleep now. Larissa looked at your sleeping body and smiled. She loved you beyond stars. She smiled at your before kissing your forehead.
" that I'll be your remedy" she whispered softly. That was her vows to you. To understand you. Help you. Stay be yourside and most importantly to be your cured for your sadness and broken heart.
☆
The next morning you woke up with kisses being placed all over your face. during your sleepy state you heard. " love yourself today, you deserve it" it was below the average tone of how a person spoke but above a whisper. There was a soft kiss to your cheek before she left for work.
#gwendoline christie#fypシ゚viral#fanfic#larissa weems x female reader#love#cute#wednesday#gwendolineuniverse#larissa weems#fluff#comfort gwendoline christie#Spotify
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"For someone who loved words as much as I did, it was amazing how often they failed me."
-- If We Were Villains by M. L. Rio
“Because freedom, I am told, is nothing but the distance between the hunter and its prey.”
-- On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong
and as for poetry, i like to talk about "Written in my Dreams by W. C. Williams" by Allen Ginsberg with other people because it's short and rolls over the tongue nicely and i like to come back to it, puts a smile on my face, you know?
i'll also never forget "A Carcass" by Charles Baudelaire from when we read it at school years ago and then again in high school and i have now chosen Les Fleurs du mal as one of the books for my oral school leaving exam, so it's definitely one of those authors i read once and was never able to get out of my head
and last but not least, Louise Glück (may she rest in peace) and her "Theory of Memory" which includes the ending "Right now you are a child holding hands with a fortune-teller. All the rest is hypothesis and dream." and i simply don't have a choice but to love this one
i have so many more favourites, but these are the ones i can think of right now hehe <33
what r ur favourite poems and quotes??
those are brilliant actually
mine are quite, different to what one may think but i like finding meaning in things that other people think are only surface level :
思い出なんか いらん - we don't need memories
this is from the anime haikyuu LMAO which is a fucking volleyball anime and it is the team motto of one of the teams. It is quite honestly my life motto at this point. I used to live in the past, excused people for thing they do now because they were different in the past. they were different in my memories. I was so focused on the past i forgot to enjoy my present. I am done doing that. My memories hold me back. I am tired of it.
"to love and lose and still be kind" - warsan shire
this is pretty self explanatory. i dont think I've had a hard life. but i certainly haven't had an easy one. i have a habit of giving too much of myself to people. I'm working on rectifying that whilst still being kind.
"but i cut people out like tags on my clothing" - conan gray
I LOVE people watching its one of my favourite songs. but this line is really important to me. I've cut the tags off of my clothing for as long as I can remember. ever since i was a kid. I also have a habit of cutting out people the second they break my trust. as easy as cutting off tags from my clothing. I don't think its a good habit or a bad habit. it just. is.
"It's always the ones who are quietest who often have the greatest things to say" - TJ Klune, Wolfsong
This is from one of my favourite books of all time. I was a quiet child for a while. I never got excited for anything and after a while my parents suspected I had childhood depression, we still don't know for sure if I did. It makes a lot of sense though. It took me a while to become confident in my own voice and my own opinions. this quote is really important to me.
"Men don't cry. My daddy taught me that. Men don't cry because they don't have time to cry.
I must not have been a man yet because I cried. I bowed my head and cried." - TJ Klune, Wolfsong
This isn't personal to me in anyway, I just really, really love this part of the book and these two lines in particular.
"I'll be your hands." "I'll be your sanity." - TJ Klune, Ravensong
love has always been something I've read about. but this quote takes the damn cake.
as for poems,
At a Funeral by Dennis Brutus
I analyzed this poem for an English Lit class and the story behind why it was written really stuck with me. It was written after the death of Valencia Majombozi who was shot on the day of her graduation from nursing school. Its a protest poem and it just hits really fucking hard.
Death of a Naturalist by Seamus Heaney
This was the first poem that i ever took inspiration from. I had of course written before, but I really enjoyed Heaney's writing style so it strongly influenced my poem Quietude, which I am planning to submit to the empty inkwell publication...hopefully lol
Identity Card by Mahmoud Darwish
This poem is written as a form of protest poetry as well. Mahmoud Darwish was a Palestinian poet, for those of you who do not know and he wrote this poem about being asked for his identity card by Israeli Officers. Its really, really good.
#IM SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG JSHSKSJSK#this was really fun to make tho#poems#poetry#quotes#english literature#literature#poets#mahmoud darwish
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“I like you” he said, almost blurting it out.
“I like you too,” Regulus replied looking out the window, “I think I could learn to love you”. If James was surprised he doesn’t show it.
“We can’t be together can we?” James asked.
“Is that a question or a statement? Because i think you know the answer” he’s watching the rain fall
“I’m not sure”
“Whether its a question or statement? Because your grammar is terrible-“
“What the answer is”, James sighed, “im not sure what the answer is”
“James”
“Reg” after hours of talking, he finally looks over to James where he is sitting on the other side of the tower. He was begging. Begging not to say anything. Begging to let it be. Begging not to tell his brother. Begging to keep going on with what they had, risky as it might be.
James looked into his eyes and he was begging. He looked away, watching rain turn into hail.
“Why is my answer”
“You know why.”
“Tell me anyways”
“Why?”
“Otherwise I would love you” there’s a stifled silence, it’s loudness amplified by the storm.
“I’m your best friends brother. You are my brothers best friend. More importantly I am a Death Eater”
“ Not yet”
“You can hold on to empty hopes if you’d like but the truth is there James”, Regulus sighed again before continuing on, getting ready to leave the tower if needed.
“ I attend meetings, I have talked with the Dark Lord himself,” James flinches at the use of the ‘Dark Lord’, “I have go too far to back out, which I would never have done anyways no matter what could’ve happened in the past”
“Why?”
“Is that your answer for everything?”
“Can you truly understand something if you can’t understand the reasoning behind it?”
“You sound like me”
“You sound smart”, Regulus lets out a small laugh, a huff at most.
“You can’t tell Sirius this,”
“I know”
“I’m the spare. That was always how it was meant to go, the Heir and the spare. Sirius and I, the Charisma and the coward. When he left, I became the shoddy replacement, the one we all knew wasn’t meant to be there. If he came back after all this time they would still take him back in a heartbeat.” Regulus takes a breath before continuing,
“But he won’t and I don’t blame him. However If I left with him, they would come looking for an heir, their biggest priority being the child who could play the part.”
“They would try to get back Sirius before you,” James understands
“Correct, and they would try their hardest for him, because in some fucked up twisted way, they love him, much much more”
“So you stay so they won’t go after him”
“you’re getting it now”
“I thought they hated him.”
“Hate and love are not opposites, in fact they are very similar. It means you still care,”
“So indifference is the opposite?”
“I would say so, yes” they sit there for hours, days, minutes, a lifetime, stumbling through memories of past lives.
Lives where they lived, lives where they died, lives where none of this existed, lives where they never met, lives where they hated each other, lives where they loved each other.
“What you do if it wasn’t here?” James asked
“What wasn’t here?”
“What would the answer be, if there wasn’t a war on, if Sirius was okay with it, if none of this,” James gestures around them, “if none of this ever happened”
“I’m not sure”
“You’re not sure you would want that?”
“Of course I would want it, I want it now, but we don’t always get what we want, do we?”
“Suppose we dont”
“I think I would refuse, at first” Regulus looks up the roof, leaning against the wall. James looks over at him, just watching.
”I think you’d then try to persuade me, ask me if that’s what I really wanted. Then you’d pull me into a room and try to snog the living daylights out of me” James lets out a laugh
“And why’s that?”
“You love that question don’t you,”
“Just tell me”
“I think you would snog me to prove that I did want to date you, because I would kiss you right back.”
“Aw”
“It’s gross, too happy”
“You just love depressing shit”
“I won’t lie about it”
“Why?”
Regulus looks over at him, hanging his head at an angle to see him. His eyes wander over James’s body for a moment before continuing on.
“Sadness, bitterness, anger, they’ve all been there throughout my life. Happiness is rare, rare enough that it feels slightly off and creepy when I am happy, like it’s unwelcome. Like something bad is about to happen. “ James goes to speak but Regulus cuts him off before he can say anything. He goes to stand up near the door, ready to leave,
“Sadness becomes comforting after a time, like a chance to rest. If it isn’t there I will probably miss it and long for it because it is the only thing i know”
“Thank you”
“For what?”
“Answering”
“I always will, if you call”, Regulus slips out the door, leaving James to watch the rain turn into snow.
#literature#books & libraries#creative writing#writers#culture#gay as fuck#bookish#poetry#4am thoughts#spilled ink#fanfic#jegulus#marauders era#the marauders#hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry#sirius black#james potter#regulus black#trans regulus#hopelessly in love#in pieces#Can’t be bothered to post this on ao3
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D.R.W - ex's and texts
2.2k words minors DNI
danny x fem!reader
WARNINGS: cheating, unprotected sex, descriptive dirty talk, breeding kink, sending nude pics/vids, over all very much 18+!!
jake cheats on y/n and she goes to her ex for some love
"babe..can you sit down? i need to talk to you." your husband said. you felt your body tell you whatever was to come wouldn't be good.
"okay..what's wrong?" you said, sitting next to him on a stool in the kitchen.
"mommy, mommy! look at this!" your daughter cecilia said, showing you a doll she had put new clothes on.
"very pretty, sweetheart! can you go into your room? mommy and daddy need to talk." you said, giving her a soft kiss to her forehead. she nodded and giggled as she ran back to her array of toys you knew you'd have to clean later.
"you aren't going to like what im going to say but i need you to hear me out."
"whatever it is, we can work this out. i know we can."
"i had an affair with jordan.."
you felt your stomach drop and you felt like you were about to throw up the dinner you just ate.
"it was a long time ago and it was right after i had that injury. my knee. and i couldn't do any shows and i was depressed and i was angry-"
you looked away from him. you didn't know how long you could hold yourself together if you were looking at him.
"and one night-..well you and i, we just got into this huge argument and i found myself in my hometown."
you couldn't believe your ears. you wanted to believe this was all a bad dream and that you'd wake up with everything being okay. that it wouldn't be real.
"and i found myself back in our neighborhood..my old neighborhood with my old girlfriend. it felt like my old self. a rockstar."
you felt your eyes start to water.
"the rockstar everyone cheered for and im sorry. i'm so sorry. it only happened one time and-and i'm sorry i didn't tell you sooner."
you barely registered his words.
"look…i know this is a lot and i realize that..um- the only way i could fix this, the only way i can fix this is if i- if i was completely honest with you." he finally finished his talk with you. it took you a moment but you decided to speak up.
"youre such a fucking coward. do you know that? the only reason you're telling me this now is because danny's back in town. isn't that it, jacob?"
he lowered his head, trying to avoid eye contact with you the best he could.
"hooking up with her brought up feelings from the past and you couldn't handle it. you know what? screw you! because our perfect family ended the day you betrayed us."
you saw a new look of guilt wash over his face.
"i-i havent been with her or even seen her the day since. i promise."
"up until today that might've meant something." you said quietly, not trusting your voice with how close the tears were to falling down your face. you walked out of the kitchen. to do what? you weren't sure.
"y/n wait. please y/n-" he said, starting to walk towards you.
"you know what, jake? the worst part isn't even that you had an affair, it's that you had to go to jordan to feel whole again?" your body finally gave in and the tears started flowing down your face.
"not me? your wife? the mother of your child?" you shook your head.
"god! who else loved you more than anything in the world?"
"i dont- i don't know…i'm going to fix this. i promise. i can talk to cecilia-"
"you know what? you have done more than enough, jacob. I'LL talk to our daughter." you walked away, trying to rid your tears before you entered your daughters room.
you took a deep breath before opening the door.
"hi mommy!!"
"hi baby!" you said, flashing her a smile. you took a seat on the floor, pulling her into your lap.
"mommy is going to stay at grandma's for a couple of days, okay, love?"
"how come?" she looked up at you with confusion.
"grandma isn't feeling too good right now and mommy needs to go help her."
your daughter nodded with a gasp.
"go mommy! grandma needs to get better!"
you laughed at her little voice and her bright eyes.
"I'll be back in a few days, be good for daddy, yeah?"
she nodded and agreed to be good for her father.
you left her room after giving her a big hug and a couple kisses to her little cheeks before going into your room to pack a bag for your clothes.
after you grabbed about a week's worth of clothes you passed jake, who was still sitting in the kitchen.
"I'm going to a friends. i told cecilia i'd be at my moms. i'll be back in a couple days."
"y/n please!"
"i don't have time for this jacob." was the last thing you said before walking out and taking a seat in your car. you silently scrolled through your phone, looking for anyone who would console and hug you in the moment.
your motions stopped when you hit a certain contact.
"danny." you contemplated for a second before tapping on it, calling the number.
ring…
ring...
ri-
"hello?"
"hi danny.."
"y/n? you sound sad…are you okay?"
"i-um…can i come over?"
"yeah! yeah come on over" his voice was always full of love, no matter who you were to him.
you thanked him endlessly before driving the 25 minutes to his house. as you pulled into his driveway, your tears were replaced with fiery anger. you knocked on daniels door, hoping it wouldn't be awkward when you saw each other.
the last time you saw daniel was at a party joshua threw, jacobs twin. it was a couple of weeks ago but there was nothing more exchanged other than a little "hi" and a brief "how are you?"
he was your ex and you prayed to god this was the right decision to do. you got snapped out of your thoughts as danny opened the door.
"hi, y/n..come in, please" his voice sounded concerned, taking no time to invite you inside his home.
you walked in, taking the warm smell that hit you.
"jake and i broke up..he told uh- he told me he cheated and i had nowhere else to go-" he didn't give you time to speak the rest of your story, taking you into a tight hug. he embraced your body in his, one of his arms around your head, caressing your hair.
"it's okay, you don't have to tell me just yet. i have the space for you. anytime."
you didn't know how he did it but he always read your mind. often times you wondered if you married the wrong man. you looked up at him, watching his warm brown eyes scan your face while he softly wiped your tears.
"don't cry, pretty thing." his voice was so calming, so reassuring. something you hadn't felt with jake in god knows how long.
you didn't know what came over you but you stood on your tippy toes and gave his lips a soft kiss. his eyes fluttered closed as did yours. his arms fell around to your waist, pulling you in closer.
when you pulled away, you both left your mouths open, silently gasping. you started racking your brain for a reaction in his face, your eyes flickering against one anothers.
"danny, i-" before you knew it, his lips were against yours once more. what started as a small peck turned into more, your hands were around his neck and he was pushing your pelvic bones into his.
he started to walk you to his bedroom, bodies still connected, trying his best not to shove you into a wall or corner of an entrance way.
he pulled away, opening the door to his bedroom.
"i've wanted. this. for so. fucking long." he said between breaths you backed up against his bed until your calves hit up against it.
he pulled away from your lips one more time before asking you
"are you sure? are you sure you want this?"
"yes, please danny." you nodded as you sat down on the bed. he slowly laid you back and climbed on top of you, slowly whispering in your ear.
"then why don't we show him what he messed up, hm?"
you nodded as he spoke the idea. he kissed down your neck, to your stomach, slowly down to the hem of your pants. he toyed with your pants, biting the waist of it, barely lifting them up. after enough messing around, you pushed your hips up, them hitting his chin.
"danny please"
you guessed your whines did enough for him as he slowly pulled down your pants, leaving you in your panties.
he slowly brought a thumb over your clothed clit and drew little circles around it. your face became red with a blush.
he pulled your panties off, showing off how wet you had gotten within the little time you had been with each other.
"you're so pretty, love." he said as he softly licked along your pussy, getting it ready for what he was about to do.
"take my phone baby, send him a video." he said, taking his phone out of his back pocket and handing it to you.
you gushed at the thought of it. showing jake what he would be missing.
as you unlocked his phone, slowly opening danny's camera, selecting the video option. you hadn't noticed he lost his shirt while in process. his tan shoulders that were littered with sun kissed freckles looked so beautiful in the light the room was providing. he slowly started licking against your clit, licking it every couple moments.
you started to record, putting your hand in his dark brown curls, pushing them away from his face. it showed off his eyes, staring up at you as he worked hard on your cunt.
you finished the 30 second clip before your shaky hands sent the clip to jake. you threw the phone down on the bed and let danny do his thing, not needing it to be pretty for a video.
your moans instantly got louder, using both your hands now to push danny's face into your pussy.
"fuck danny you're so much better." you cried out.
he moaned in agreement as he started to fuck you with his tongue. his nose hitting your clit as you got closer to falling off the edge and into an orgasm.
your thighs started to shake as he grabbed your waist, pulling you back in closer.
you gripped his hair harder than before, riding out the white pleasure bursting within you onto his face.
he pulled away, taking a couple deep breaths. when he stood up, his hard on wasn't hidden very well through his sweatpants. your mouth almost dropped when you saw him pull his cock out.
did it get bigger? no.
did it? is that possible? no fucking way.
"don't be surprised baby, i fucked you plenty of times."
he looked down and slowly spit on his dick, rubbing it on his cock. he rubbed the tip of it in between your folds, collecting the wetness on the very top of his dick.
he slowly slid his cock into you, grabbing his phone once again. the moment you were stretched enough, he started to thrust into your cunt. as you were gripping the sheets, he grabbed his phone once more for the night, he sped up his hips, making your moans closer together and make them louder. he turned the flash on and recorded a video, you couldn't tell how long it was, but you could only guess to who he was sending it to.
he threw his phone on the bed next to you, placing his hands on either side of your head. he grunted as he snapped his hips against yours. he placed rough kisses aside your neck, down to your shoulders then finally your tits.
he licked around the bud, softly sucking it as you both inched closer to finishing.
"gunna fill your pretty womb with my cum." he mumbled out against your skin.
"god- fuck! danny please keep going" you at this point were fucking against his cock, helping with the oncoming orgasms.
"my cock fits your cunt so. fucking. well."
as he got closer to your ear, his words got quieter and became more of a growl.
"should've been me fucking my kids into your stomach. watching them spill out the second my cock leaves your tight pussy"
his words toppled over you and pushed you into a crazing orgasm. thank god danny didn't have any roommates, they no doubt would've heard your desperate crying for danny's cock.
when you both came down, you ran your hand through his curls, feeling his heart beat against your chest.
"let me take one more picture, babydoll." you nodded, whining when he pulled out after grabbing his phone.
he snapped a picture of his cum dripping out of you, sending it to your ex husband.
he collected his cum that was dripping onto the bed and slowly placing them into your mouth. you gladly sucked the cum off his fingers.
after you cleaned up in his bathroom, you laid on his bare chest, watching him check jacobs texts.
jake: bro??? you fucked my wife???
danny: does it matter? and ex wife btw
jake: yes it fucking does, daniel
danny: i fucked the girls heart you broke.
jake: fuck you daniel.
read at 8:28pm
you slowly fell asleep in dannys arms, trying your best to forget just for a day what your ex husband did.
#greta van fleet#gvf#greta van fleet smut#sammy#jake#jake kiszka#sammy kiszka smut#danny#danny wagner smut#danny gvf#josh gvf#jake gvf#sammy gvf#josh kiszka#sammy kiszka#danny wagner#greta#van#fleet
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Hello insomnia
Hello insomnia
And hello people reading
Im not really expecting much attention on this but it would be cool if it did i just wanted to have a place to vent anonymously on a platform in sorta used to.
To be honest im surprised that tumbler has lived for so long but then again people are sucker for this kinda stuff i guess
As of writing this its 2 days before i become a sophomore in high school, I want to buy a pink vest because my sister wont let me barrow her’s despite never wearing it. Im currently listing to Achilles come down by gang of youth from the album go farther in lightness. My boyfriend isn’t responding to any of calls or texts so i out on a timer to see how long it will take for him to respond my girlfriend is sound asleep. I am polyamors and i am gender fluid so use any pronouns.
Im the middle child of three i have a older sister who’s judgmental and a bitch she didn’t used to this way she graduated from high school but wasn’t able to because of a bitchy teacher being to slow to grade things shes a picky eater and always has to have a say in what ever i do shes gonna be a horrible roommate cuz she cant even keep up with simple chores and has to be reminded to throw away razors after collecting rust over 3 times back to back. Is this really the person i should be looking up to? I don’t know i don’t want to shes load and obnoxious and is bitchy if you wake her up a little to early. She has a job but cant even fucking drive so my ma has to drive her i kinda hate her right now we got McDonalds today and i told her that i was gonna finish her drink cuz i didnt get one and she made it appernt that she heard but later was surprised that i actually did and got bitchy about it saying that she expected me to leave some and later said “Thats why i dont get you stuff” like excuse me? Ma paid for this shit and last i checked you cant fucking drive so shut the fuck up
I have a little sister shes 8 months old and is a cutie but is very much a druma queen shes gonna be a child of god aka she is going to get baptized i love her im nervous if she does end up looking up to me but my boyfriend says not to worry cuz “The world needs more people like you” so ill try and not to worry
My mother
i have mixed feeling about her shes doing her best
thats what i can mostly say
She was a teen mom
14 she had my sister 16 she had me its very obvious that me and my sister were mistakes and thanks to that i have lots of issues but its not her fault she has gotten better threw the years ans is loving but can get annoyed shes overwhelmed with the birth of the baby so im trying my best to help her around the house and she knows im gay and dosent really care but asks me to keep from her husband
so lets talk about him i have a history with grooming and well sexual assault i spoke out about it around the 6th grade but nothing much happened because the man who did it was my mothers boyfriend he had let himself into the bathroom during my showers and touched me and made me do things i didn't want to do like touch him and i had known him for most of my life because my bio father had been deported so yea back to the boyfriend he gaslighted me into thinking it was a misunderstanding so nothing happened that being said they broke up because of his lack of free time this lead me to go into a depressive state and i almost overdosed
Now to the husband
hes creepy sometimes
like just the way he acts the other day i was laughing cix of my girlfriend and he started just being weird he patted my head and like jabbed his hand into the back of my neck it was creepy and like he walks around shirtless
this is making me uncomfy so imma stop
im currently listing to i wanna be yours by artic monkeys from the album am
thanks for reading this and giving a stanger some time have a good day or good night
with love
insonia
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ode to fish lady, for my childhood
im depressed everyone. allow ke to explain why. i w
okay. i went to the store. fish lady looming st me through the window. like i mean her HEAD IS IN A TUB OF GLASS. there is a little bit of seaweed in there
kind of like thom york in that
music video. where he looms like hes suffering greatly for no apparent reason and his face starts to annoy you
her face is disgruntled i know shes judging me bc i have a toohat on and shes got a fish head and like. i dunno. life isnt fair. ive got a bunny rabbit in here thats my child self's bunny, who is lost amd chases stars on the street. and hes my favorite he reminds me of easter and things making sense when i was small
i glare at this bitchass fish lady. and i also motice that she has very large boobs. like you could be wrapped in them
anyways i broke eyecontact (after she looked away first cyz im not a pussy) and i got my fuckin. salami. and all my little college student snacks to tife me over and eat like a little rat.
i miss how id eat snacks with my best friend in the park, when we were in higschool. things were simpler. wed sit on the grass and construct the toys in the kinder egg candy. wed roam the city and wed get tired and wed want to talk at night and wed call through the day, about how we felt, what our lives were,
wed flirt and wed hurt each other.
i go up to fish lady who turns out to be the cashier. i think cashiers hate me. this fact is exacerbated by the fact that i always find a way to look as fucking clueless as possible. she glares at me but tell me to have a nice day
i like her. little bit. ive got my back on my back and i take it off and go inside. i feel like a kid today. i feel like lost like how i did when i felt more, most, everywhere, exploding, incessantly growing out of my own skin. i still felt like a little shell when i was in highschool like that. like so small.
my hat is sagging behind me as i walk
its dragging on the damn sidewalk
is salami a good enough replacement for kinder eggs.
do i get out of gnawing on salami what i got out of the kinder eggs??? do i care enough? if i got a kinder egg now. im pretty sure that it would be less nice as it was before with my best friend ever,
lately ive been wrenched away, a little sideways. where stuff aint the same, where im unavoidably growing
this salami is making me think different
when i was little i loved things that were perfectly ordinary. exactly right. i loved it. i followed , with t shirts over long sleeves so i felt just right.
with my bunny just right. things in line. with a fiery attitude that somehow countered all that. isa, my sibling being too nice
and then i GREW AGAIN. so suddenly to make me cry! theres an owl ina tree calling softly for my past self. the owl that everyone loved. it was everyones owl. and jow how am i in new uyork with a new ideneity i dont even know, without myself but clearly uanging on to a past version of me.
and im in new york and im jn new york and i wish i had a ling top hat that dragged on the ground with my star chasing bunny and my kinder eggs and my long sleeves my scooter my toys, my isa.
annd now isas gone
and im quite sad
and im sitting out . on the edge of the morning, typing to myself . wish i could say rains bangin on the window but really theres not the sound of honking and my roommates sleeping, and the vents working and , ill wake up again in three hours,
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This is like...sooo tmi so if you see me on a daily basis like,,,irl. Like at school. Pls dont read this.
Cw: weird mental health stuff/ me talking about low motivation
So basically its the time of year where my body just shuts down. My bones feel like lead, it takes forever for me to get out of bed, and I just generally feel like crap. I love winter but the physical toll its taking on me this year is actually driving me wild. I woke up this morning and genuinely couldn't move my arm for 10 minutes because my bones just feel so heavy. And my joints are getting worse too. I can hear my ankles and knees popping every single time I walk, but especially when I walk upstairs. And most of my classes are upstairs at school. And my immune system also gets weaker, and because of that my psoriasis gets worse. I literally just go to school and then rest.
And thats a problem because my parents both have a physical disability. So all the chores go onto me. But guess who can't do them because I'm fucking depressed and in physically pain constantly? Me. My back constantly seizes up and i literally needed my dads help throwing taking the trash out the other day. I can barely stand long enough to do a "simple" load of dishes. (Simple meaning one for the deep clean we do of our kitchen every 3 months. Its gross. I wish they would rinse their dishes out.)
And all of this is affecting my mental health really badly. This probably sounds gross but I'm just now taking a shower. Its been 3 weeks. And I know its not their fault, but one of my friends made an off-handed comment one day and that made me feel a million times worse. And I've been really snappy lately and I feel so bad about it constantly. And my mom and I think I was misdiagnosed with ptsd because I dont exhibit any symptoms and honestly never did. Autism and ptsd share symptoms and I just dont think I have ptsd from whats happened in my past. And my brother also thinks he may be autistic. Autism also runs in our family, so...yeah.
I also feel like shit because I haven't been taking as good care of our cats as I should be. I love them and want to see them happy, but my parents also refuse to help clean their litter boxes. And thats the big thing I struggle with. And one of our cats has been doing their business on the floor. No matter how many times we clean it up,she still does it. And its really irritating, but i also think she just...cant get into the box. She's like...12-13 and I've been trying to get my parents to buy better things for the cats. We have 4. And we dont even have a cat tree for them. And my cats love climbing. They would have so much fun crawling on a cat tree. And I cant do anything about it because im a highschool student who cant even get a job. I don't even have my drivers learners permit yet.
And that's another thing!! I honestly think my parents are done parenting. My brother went off to college, and everything fell onto me. And like I understand that my parents work hard and that they're older (mom is 54 almost 55 and dad is 52 almost 53) and they need to rest but god damn. Im still a child. Most people arent the sole cleaner, cooker, and pet caretaker. Most people my age don't make grocery lists for their parents. Most kids my age focus on their part-time jobs and school. They actually did stuff before my brother went to college. I just want them to understand how I feel about it. I like cooking and I dont mind cleaning, but it becomes a problem when im the only one doing it. And yeah, I get $50 in allowance every month, and I'm grateful that my parents are able to afford to give me that much, but my mom always pulls the "we give you allowance for chores,". Chores is things like un/loading the dishwasher, taking the trash out, cleaning litter boxes, making bed, ect. Not cleaning the entire trainwreck of a kitchen by yourself and trying to make sure the floor is clean before your friend comes over for the first time in months. They're not parenting anymore, and it makes me upset. I feel like im just a random person in their house. Genuinely, my mom spends more times working on her acrylic nails than actually parenting. And she wonders why I get so irritated with her. She says hi to the cat before she does me.
And I don't even know if my dad likes me anymore. I think im just another financial burden to them. Im just a depressed high schooler with chronic illness who can't even go to school everyday. I feel so useless. I dont even know if I want to go to college. I don't even know how I have friends. I'm not a nice person. I get mean and defensive really easily, and my teasing turns mean really quickly.
I don't know why I am this way. Am I cursed? Is someone even reading this? All I do is shut people out and listen to music. I don't know why I became so rude. I just want to be remembered. But at the same time, I don't think I'm worth remembering. I'm not exceptional at anything. Even my once okayish writing has gone down greatly. I used to get praise for my reading skills and now I can't even read a 300 page book.
I feel so gross and useless and im depressed. How worse can it get? Im also extremely paranoid. I constantly feel like people are judging my every move. Even when im alone in the shower. I still feel people watching me. I should've probably told my therapist about that when I was still in therapy but my dumbass didn't even think to talk about that. Just that oh i saw my friend. Oh i started public school again. You know what? No one cares. And I probably wasted my therapists time. And my dads. Having to drive me across houston just to see her. No wonder no one likes me. Im fucking irritating. Thats why I have 3 friends at school. And 3 friends out of school. And one of them doesn't talk to me anymore, and another lives out of city.
The other is wonderful and amazing and I want them to constantly be happy and comfortable but I cant do that at my house because my parents don't help. Im starting to realize im kind of like a live in cleaner. Thats all I ever do in my freetime. Cleaning up after my parents. My mom acts like shes 15 and my dad doesn't rinse his dishes.
Thats another thing. Along with them not really parenting anymore, I think they've given up on me. Specifically on trying to get me to school. I miss school about once a week to once every couple weeks because I have bad flare ups. As I'm typing this, I can feel my legs aching. It hurts. And it makes it hard for me to go to school like that. The last time I did my back starting seizing during UIL rehearsals. And I couldn't leave. But today was one of those days and I genuinely felt like crap. My dad just agreed and didn't argue. Normally he argues with me about it because "I need to suck it up and do what the rest of us do.". I understand that everyone hurts and has bad days, but I genuinely get so bad during those days. And everyday has been one of those days for the last 6 months. But my parents don't really discipline me. They don't track my every move. They dont even make grocery lists anymore. Or really go to the store often. But our fridge and pantry is filled with a bunch of junk. Leftovers, empty foods that need to be thrown away, and literally so much more.
My mom is also a hoarder and constantly buys new things for herself. Like with her nail stuff. Im glad shes got something going for her outside of work, but why does she need 50 different glitters? I guess one could argue that im the same way with paints, but I dont leave my paints all over the living room area. And she literally has so much clothing. And most of it is on her floor. Its almosy unwalkable and I constantly stumble in her room. And our garage is filled with mostly her stuff. Clothes, old books, even her teacher stuff. Why does she have so much??
It irritates me because she'll say she doesn't have money for something, such as a cat tree, but then buy like...$200 worth of clothes and makeup at walmart, when we could've bought groceries and a cat tree with that. She just...irritates me idk.
Anyways, yeah. I think this is long enough for now. Goodmorning, goodnight, good...whatever idfk. Remember to drink water and eat something.
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July 1st, 2023
angry angry angry angry. hate this man angry angry hate hate hate him.
can never get rid of him either bc we are so fucking poor and have no choice I hate this country. i hate the supreme court too are you fucking kidding me not only do i have to deal with this fucking situation even though they are fucking divorced and im an adult (theres a child in the mix and i have to watch her suffer like i did and provide for her where he doesnt) but i also have to deal with increasing hate crimes and the descent into fascism and my country actively and legally discriminating against me. dont even get me started on the isolation and neglect and my powerlessness when it comes to both those things. i fucking hate.
it is so hard to keep going toward a future where i might be happy because i simply might be too poor or i might simply get fucking killed or simply fall into a depression again and again and again. it never ends. never a way out. i can only keep going and i will keep going for her because I have no choice no fucking choice never a choice and on the rare chance i do im sure I usually make the wrong one. even if i make the right one im always fucking in a rut. doomed since birth because of who and what and where and when and it never leaves and tends to get worse even under the illusion of getting better.
so angry so angry its already so hard and im just about in the most vulnerable and difficult and disheartening position out of all of them and he then goes and makes it fucking harder and im powerless and cant do anything EVER! im a fucking kid again and I will never forgive him. i never have. ive only been civil unlike fucking him.
i love parts of him but mostly i dislike the whole of him. I know i dont have to justify anything he knows what he's done over and over and how he's purposely and directly and to our faces hurt all of us. I dont have to justify but i am not as heartless as he is and i need to keep with that. i dont wish him ill will but i want him gone for almost forever and when he is gone from this world i will mourn but i will dually feel relief and if that isnt the saddest thing.
you miserable little man. are you proud of yourself. is this all worth it. you're pathetic. Yeah I will keep fucking going and it will suck the whole time but at least one day ill get us away from you and your power over us.
the power which is only financial. men like you have no power. there is only ash in your mouth where you convince yourself there is the sweetness of superiority, the sourness of being a victim. you delusional pathetic ass. one day you will be entirely alone. I will get us out from under you, out from under this scheme you pulled.
and you will have nothing. you will be nothing. and it will be your fault. and you know that. you perpetuate it for your insecure delusions. and we know it too. so go ahead and wait. god knows I am. im really just biding my time here. you may have the advantage now. but that will change and when it does you will never hear from me. i will be gone and in my absence there will be power. fuck you.
you know how this ends. enjoy your selfmade condemnation. it will feel a lot worse than how youve made us feel and what im feeling now. live with it you miserable old shit. try living with yourself and see what happens 🖕
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hi guyss
its been ages since I have been on here and I kinda miss it a lot, I am way more active on twitter under lioncunt but that's not what I logged in to say
its been a crazy (good and bad) months and I wanted to share a little bit
most importantly, I got off my medication which is crazy good. I have been on them for more than 5 years and I have very young so that's a lot. I started them when I was 14/15 and had been needing them since I was like 12 so getting off them is a huge thing for me. I am very truly happy about it because I truly didn't think about a time where I wouldn't need them. I thought it was going to be permanent especially since I am still living with my mom. its been crazy to see how depressed I was all my life, how sad I was. I haven't been taking my meds for like a year but that was me saying "I dont think I need them anymore" but to have a medical professional say "yeah you good" was crazy. bonkers. its so weird and so gratifying but that the same time I don´t want to come on here like everything is fine.
one of the thing that has made my months crazy is accepting I was abused. accepting that I am still abused. and have been, since birth. its really fucked up because now I truly see how little I was (and my brother too) and how much shit I was put through. that I am still put through. because that's the word. abuse. I always knew things were different but never ever considered it abuse. its a big word especially when its accompanied by child. I was a kid. still am in a lot of ways.
one of to good stuff is that me and my brother are thick as thieves which is something I never saw it happening. I just to be so angry at him. call him hideous names and now, he's the only person who actually supports me at my house. every weekend we go out and do a little brotherly outing, small as eating pizza or going to the farmers market. and its so nice. never thought that would make me as happy as its making me.
idk if I ever updated y'all but me and my ex broke up for good couple of months back. I don´t actively miss her but I have been thinking more theses lasts two weeks (I am over analyzing shit but in the normal sphere of things) about her unfortunately because she's in my class so I have to see her everyday but I low-key love hating her. its so nice. its such a normal thing and I love messing shit up. like I am sorry for her for being a child sometimes but I deserve to act like it ( it has been a while since I have bugged her, I actually only bugged her truly once and I learned my lesson!!!! I thought that bugging her was going to help to make me not hate her but it just added fuel to the fire so I leave her alone and I was having a hard week but yeah its so nice to hate her and call her names in my head. is it healthy? no but there's worse things in my life. the funniest thing that has happen is that I had a presentation on bipolar and she thought I was calling her bipolar through the presentation because my friends came to talk to me bc she was making faces all the time I was speaking so that was fun. in her defense, I used to say she had very bipolar behavior ( I actually forgot about it and only linked the dots after my friend talked to me and was like "she thinks you are talking about her") so yeah sdhfjhsdjfshdjfhsdjfhjsdsdjfhdjfsdhj do I really think she has bipolar? no. does she has a lot of bipolar behavior? definitely but you know, who's to say? I had to hold myself back a lot because I had to urge to send a text in the group we have saying "some people told me there wasn't a lot of happy faces while I was presenting, if anyone has a problem you could have talked to me and presented in my place" but as I said, I learned my lesson and I am staying quiet HUHUAHAUHAUAHUA
about jiji, my dearest, idk yet, going to the doctor again for the first time after the diagnosis and going to run more tests. wish me luck and will update yall again afterwards.
about my mom and her zumbi state, there's a light in the darkness because (dont ask me why or how) we have money to travel and see my family in Portugal next year. its going to make it or break her for good. I truly dont know what I want more. she's not living until I am thirty and I actually dont want it. if it didn't mean I would have more responsibilities, I would want her dead now, for her own good too (I am serious)
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Eventhough how cliche this even sounds, no one will EVER understand the things i went through to become the person i am today, the confidence, the way of thinking, the way of looking at life, the purity i have to offer, the way i can make someone feel loved and understood, the way i learned exactly how the human mind works. Its been a horrible ride and its not over yet. Im filled with this emptyness and anger, the constant feeling of a mask being pulled off, the constant battles going on in my mind, the struggle to keep my old self surpressed. I was this negative, depressed, mean, unloveable person for so many years. I have caused so much pain to others, i had to become a different person, a whole new way of thinking and living. Now i cant stop always wanting to help and take care and love people and enjoy life and be the person that makes people smile, id do anything to help people that feel like theyre lost or not loved enough or going through hell, i was once there and i didnt have a person like me to help me back then. And if i love I LOVEEEE, i do so many little things she wont ever even realize i do for her, but its my love for her, i gotta make sure she is always 100% comfortable, loved enough, kissed enough, complimented enough, fucked enough, pleased enough, i devote myself to you once i love you, im your king and your caretaker, i know what u feel before u even realise what u feel yet, i finish ur sentences so u know ur understood and feel connected to me, i always wanna make sure i take ur stress away, transmit my energy and love to you when i touch ur body and hold u tight, every single touch and moment of contact is filled with love. When i hold u or hug you or when we lay together i make sure to let out a feeling of protecting you, making u feel safe, making u feel like ur inner child, making sure my arms feel like the safest place on earth for you. I just wish someone would have this kinda devotion for me. These people always say “but i do tho, i love you so much” and then im like but u dont tho, you think you do. I can feel it when someone has that devotion. There is only one person on this planet who has that for me but we dont speak, have any contact, or nothing from eachother we just both know we exist.
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I posted 15,221 times in 2022
That's 4,249 more posts than 2021!
10 posts created (0%)
15,211 posts reblogged (100%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@themadcapmathematician
@randomizedred
@phoenixyfriend
@orange-catsidy
@professorsparklepants
I tagged 14,096 of my posts in 2022
Only 7% of my posts had no tags
#wrestling - 1,691 posts
#aew - 1,078 posts
#kits - 585 posts
#misc - 559 posts
#fate - 403 posts
#queue - 319 posts
#fandom - 314 posts
#death note - 289 posts
#tropes - 281 posts
#cm punk - 265 posts
Longest Tag: 134 characters
#shelley was trying to tear sabin's acls again not 2 minutes ago and as soon as the match ends theyre back to being like this instantly
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
do i need to make a pinned post to tell people im not this whirlibirb person. please. this keeps happening. i dont care about whatever internet drama happened but it is SPILLING over into my backyard and i need some kind of shotgun to shoot at the sky and holler at people to get off of my property
6 notes - Posted April 15, 2022
#4
DC for the blorbo meme? :3
this is against the spirit of the meme but i think i can make all of these about hal jordan. i apologize in advance
blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most) - i didnt care about hal jordan at all until i was told that he was sky crazy. i had just seen come from away so any character that Just Wants To Fly is immediately my beloved. anyway then i shotgunned a bunch of green lantern comics and found out that theyre all deranged. love them all! but especially hal.
scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped) - again Hal Time. i could probably make a collage of every time he gets grabbed like the damsel from king kong. spiritually he is making a squeaky toy noise every time.
scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave) - Hal Is Absolutely Not Underrated but i think outside of the GL fandom most of the green lanterns get sorta neglected. f in chat for the dceu just having No Lanterns. even in dc comics fandom i think a lotta people just think of hal as the generic lantern, like how guy gardner is thought of as the rude ginger guy that batman punched once. theres more to them! they have layers, like onions, like ogres.
glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week) i think this the only one i CANT make about hal but also, like in all superhero comics?? if you see YOUR favourite appearing briefly in someone else's run, you go poggers.
poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave) - PARALLAX HAL. HAL'S HOT GIRL SUMMER. POSTER CHILD FOR MALE HYSTERIA. LOVE THIS BITCH. dc wanted to reboot GL and get a new boy, so how do we get hal out of the picture? destroy his city and make him go full wandavision trying to recreate it and all the people that died! the guardians say no, so he snaps and murders them, as well as like....all the other lanterns on his way to doing that. crushed by his failure to protect his people, he decides the world is fucked and the only way to fix it is to start it over. cue zero hour, where he very nearly managed to reset the entire universe! the death toll was ENORMOUS! he got shot through the heart by his best bud oliver queen before he could finish it though. this triggers ollie's depression arc WHICH IS A WHOLE OTHER THING,,, anyway. well he got shot but he got better because he's hopped up on ultimate cosmic power and whatnot. the 90s comics continue while he is moping in outer space until a sun eater almost destroys the earth, so he comes back and throws himself into the sun to reignite it, dying for realsies this time. and on top of all that the CHANEL THIGH HIGH BOOTS? THE CAPE? iconic. later all this was retconned to be because he was possessed by a yandere space worm that was in love with him. which is also hilarious. someone deworm this man. after he died he became spectre for a while, until kyle rayner dragged his corpse out of the sun and he got to be a lantern again.
horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason) - hal really is most fun when he's fucking going thru it so like. Yeah. top 10 moments is when he's uncharacteristically quiet and looking blankly and ominously into the middle distance, so Every Character Who Was There For His First Hot Girl Summer is just like:
eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell) - he already went to hell like, twice. once it was with superman. they had a great boys night out. vaguely related but i think sinestro once went through an orpheus and eurydice-esque journey into the underworld and/or spectre hal's subconscious?? and then also one time he and sinestro shared a ring and ended up yeeted to the Death Dimension together. sinestro got himself out so hal had to fling himself off a cliff and Fall To His Death to solve this problem. you can put a lot of icarus flavour into this guy
7 notes - Posted February 12, 2022
#3
drac collecting both mina and jonathan and having them nicely arranged on one bed. reverse unicorn hunter
21 notes - Posted October 3, 2022
#2
DOES ANYONE HAVE A GIF OF THE GAY LITTLE WAVE THAT ENJOU DOES AT THE END OF THE THREE REALMS GATEWAY OFFERING QUEST. PLEASE.
61 notes - Posted February 24, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
SHAKING AND CRYING AND FROWING UP!!!!! shoutout 2 my friend crane for turning calcifer!john into a gif!!!
547 notes - Posted September 5, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
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