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alfiely-art · 3 months

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I'm voting Kotoko Guilty this round for quite a few reasons. First off, the only other two characters who have been voted guilty are Haruka and Muu. Yk. Minors. Who are already in a shitty mindset, who's verdict will most likely make that worse? Yeah. I would rather not have them beat up by Kotoko. And she WOULD beat them up- she would have beat up Amane if she hadn't been stopped, and Amane is much younger than Haruka and Muu.

I don't even mind her fighting injustice to feel good about herself. I mean, she's still fighting injustice. Regardless of her personal feelings about it, she's still doing good things. It's the way she goes about it that worries me. The article she was reading on her phone states that "more violence than necessary was used". Of course, the article could always be biased, but Kotoko has shown herself to be a violent person. Her call to us to vote everyone else in Milgram as Guilty, regardless of their crime, is a request for us to give her permission to make them her enemy and crush them. She would apply the same amount of force to, say, Yuno- someone who simply had an abortion because she didn't want the baby- as a person who kidnapped a child.

Kotoko sees everything in black and white. Yuno's "crime" of an abortion is just as evil as Haruka's crime of murder. Here's a reminder of the character's crimes (from my understanding):

Haruka: killed out of desperation to be seen, to have his mother finally acknowledge him after he wasn't good enough (ie, neurotypical) to keep up with the other kids.

Yuno: Had an abortion because she didn't want the baby. She didn't have some tragic reason why, she had a normal life. She was simply doing as she pleased.

Fuuta: Took part in cancel culture, which ended up doxxing a minor and she took her own life. He didn't want to accept responsibility for this, but it was clearly weighing on his mind.

Muu: She bullied others with her friends, and then her friends turned on her. She reached out to a classmate for help, but didn't receive any. Muu stabbed her in a panic, after alluding to either her or the classmate dying at the end of all of this.

Shido: Medical malpractice ? I think ? It's still not clear to me idk

Mahiru: Abused her boyfriend until he offed himself due to her sheltered life and toxic positivity. She feels as though she can't change, and she wants someone to love even if it hurts both of them.

Kazui: Lied about romantically loving his wife so that he could fit in to society at large. When he finally opened up about his feelings, the shock of it all caused his wife to end her life. He cared for her, but can't continue lying like this.

Amane: Killed her abuser, and is clinging to religion to both justify it to herself and comfort herself.

Mikoto: Still unclear whether he or John did the murder, how many murders there were, who was murdered, etc. The focus isn't exactly on the murder, moreso how mentally ill people are pushed to their limit with no support or help from others and the unhealthy coping mechanisms that can arise from that.

She tells us to throw away our sympathy. But understanding and kindness and sympathy are so so so important- not just in Milgram, but everywhere else, too. Yes, these are just characters, but a popular theory is that they represent societal issues. And I do believe that's true. They may not be real, but they represent real problems real people face. By ignoring the nuance, we blindly swing at whatever we're told is "guilty". Kotoko only attacked the prisoners we announced as Guilty. She won't act on her own moral code, merely the law. We are the law in Milgram, so she follows us.

I adore Kotoko, but her mindset is genuinely dangerous. While this is unlikely (cough, Amane) I hope her Guilty vote will help her. But it probably won't- Guilty votes destroy a person. But I can't vote her Innocent, either. I don't forgive her for her black and white thinking. Thus, she is Guilty to me. I'm very curious how she'll develop after this. I'm a little scared, too, but oh well.

#milgram #textpost #milgram kotoko #kotoko yuzuriha #opinions #milgram voting #if you disagree id love to hear your perspective #about kotoko i mean. shes the focus #i adore her but she scares me also

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valiant-if · 29 days

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tldr; I wanted to have something to show for the work I've been doing roughly by the end of April, but my timeline is going to be delayed. I'll still do my best to get some work done, but things are hard right now. You've stuck with me this long, so I hope you continue to stick with me. Hope everyone is doing well and hanging in there!

I'm not trying to go too much into my personal life, but the long version—with a bit of venting—is that I'm having a lot of car trouble, and that has unfortunately been a domino effect for one of the worst mental episodes I've had in maybe 7 years. I don't make a lot of money, I can barely afford the cost of a rental let alone the repairs for my car, which I need to do my job, and quite frankly the people in my life that I rely on for support are not being very supportive of the situation. There's a lot of "your decision to procrastinate on important issues is the reason you are in this position" and a lot of indirect "you made your bed, now sleep in it" going around.

Executive dysfunction is really an alien concept to a lot of people, I guess. As if I've just been sitting around thinking, "Someone else will deal with the fallout of this issue when it blows up in my face." Instead of, you know, having daily anxiety attacks about it for the last 6 months but unsure how to solve the problem because my brain refuses to function on certain things.

The hard truth is that when you are neurodivergent, neurotypical people cannot seem to understand the mental hurdles you have to take just to make it through basic day-to-day life. A lot of people describe mental health struggles as drowning, but I think it feels a lot more like someone deliberately holding you under water and not letting you up. "Normal" society is not really designed for people like us to function, and, at least in the USA, the economic situation of people living below the poverty line (of which I am one) is designed to keep you below the poverty line. These problems combined are creating one hell of a storm for me right now, and even existing is difficult.

So I'm going to try to keep writing when I can, but unfortunately I've lost a lot of the momentum that I've had over the last few weeks. I don't know if my original timeline of getting the first half of Chapter 2 done by the end of April is possible in my current state. I may just update with whatever I have at that time anyway so at least you'll have something.

That's the long of it. Thanks for hearing me out and listening to my bitching. As always, I hope everyone is doing well and hanging in there.

#tw mental health #non writing #just a small update on the state of things

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rainbowsky · 11 months

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Hello, rainbow! hope you’re doing well!

i feel really silly asking this, but how do you view dd’s relationship with his fans? what do you think about it?

i’m new to the fandom so i’m kinda confused, and really don’t know if this has been addressed already.

i feel like every time i see him interacting with fans he looks really annoyed? maybe fed up?

i know lately there has been a lot of instances where he got his privacy invaded by “fans”, and that strains the relationship. but i don’t really know how it was before.

i really really like and support him in everything he does, and i know my thoughts might be misplaced. but i wanted to know your thoughts, if you’re willing to share.

Hi Anon, hope you're well too! 😊

Sorry that I'm so late in answering some of these asks. I've been very busy IRL and haven't had much time lately for Tumblr. I'm trying to get to the ones that are still somewhat relevant.

I got a few asks along the same lines of this one, after DD's recent Chunzhen live (more on that event here).

Disclaimer: This response is for all the anons who asked me this question, not just the Anon above. In fact, the above ask is the least judgmental/critical version of this ask I could find, which is why I'm answering it and not some of the others.

This question comes up a LOT whenever new fans see DD in interviews or at fan events, and especially at live endorsement event fan meets, which I believe he mostly hates (because they're boring and contrived and call upon him to be fake, and he's not fake).

Here is the Chunzhen event with Eng Subs.

youtube

People seemed to have an especially big reaction to his response (at 50:15) when he was asked if there's anything he wanted to do with his fans and he said, "Nothing." Which is just a very honest answer, quite typical of the DD we know and love.

And let's face it, what a STUPID question. What on earth would DD want to do with his fans? They don't treat him like a human being. What does he even have in common with most of them? As a star, what's he supposed to want to go camping with them or something? They'd spend the whole time screaming and fawning over him.

Anyway, this sort of response always gets negatively interpreted, and fans read a lot into it and often he gets painted as harsh, ungrateful and mean.

I think a lot of it comes from the toxic positivity that is rampant in most cultures - the idea that we have to come across as exuberantly pleasant or else we're being negative or bad.

DD is a very honest, straightforward person who tells it like it is. That means that sometimes he comes across as harsh to some people, but that's just the cultural judgments/assumptions talking - it's not an accurate assessment of who DD is or what he's really like.

There are expectations around how people should look and behave, and when those expectations aren't met, their behavior is interpreted as negative.

As an autistic person I get this a LOT in my life, and I absolutely hate it. It's one of the things I most loathe about interacting with neurotypical and mixed groups of random people who I'm not familiar with and don't have a trust bond with.

Because I don't have a lot of facial expressions, because I don't deal in subtext and I am forthright and honest, I very frequently get interpreted in negative ways - as 'harsh', 'cold', 'rude', 'blunt' or 'intimidating' - when in fact I'm just talking normally, and when in reality I'm actually happy or cheerful about what I'm talking about. People misread me entirely and take everything I say as having a negative tone, and project all these negative ideas, motives and subtext onto me about what they think I really mean or what they think I'm thinking about them. (More on all that here).

It even happens here on my blog.

It's a big part of why I identify with Lan Zhan so much. In fact, that's how I first learned about GG and DD - because my sister saw The Untamed and thought Lan Zhan was just like me, and urged me to watch the show.

We can hopefully all agree that Lan Zhan isn't a hateful, mean, harsh person. We can agree that he's actually a kind, loving, noble person with a lot of deep emotions and a compassionate heart. It's just that his way of expressing that is different from most other people's way of expressing it. Wei Ying is one of the few people who can see and accept Lan Zhan for who he is, and in return he gets the gift of seeing how funny Lan Zhan really is, how soft-hearted and kind.

DD is like this. He's sweet, charming, funny, kind. And he's also very unique, not like everyone else. He has his own way of expressing himself, and he has never been one to put on a fake face for fans - at least, not in his solo career where he's been at liberty to be himself.

We shouldn't read anything negative or judgmental into this.

Whenever DD has a live fanmeet for an endorsement brand my inbox fills with asks about his supposedly being 'off' or 'upset' or even 'angry', and I think if he is any of those things, it's not about what fans seem to assume. It's not some personal thing or some beef he has with fans. It's quite simply discomfort about being put into an event he doesn't enjoy and feels bored by.

DD isn't a salesman. He's not that kind of guy. And these events, they really call upon those kinds of skills and behaviors. They call upon the star to be a cheerful, up-beat shill for whatever ware is being hawked, and that's not something DD seems to feel comfortable with.

If it was a cool Lego set or some skateboard parts and accessories or a motorcycle helmet he'd probably light right up and knock it out of the park. He'd probably sell the shit out of those things. But drinkable yogurt or massage equipment or facial masques - not really something he's going to get fired up about.

DD isn't fake and isn't really capable of pretending to be interested in something he's not interested in. That's a feature, not a bug. That's a good thing, not a bad thing. HE'S SINCERE.

Once you've become more familiar with DD as a person you'll start to see that it's just his personality. And his fans - the ones who've been with him for a while and know him well - they see him for who he is and they love him for it. They know that he's not going to blow smoke up their ass or give them a bunch of fake sweetness. They appreciate his honesty and accept him for who he is.

Someone is likely to ask me if maybe he was upset about the way Chunzhen was handling the event/the situation with turtles, or if he was sticking it to solo fans after the fucked up demands they've been making and the way they've been abusing his team, so I'll address that here as well:

I doubt it, but it's possible.

Whether solos accept it or not, DD does care about turtles. At the very least, turtles are an important part of DD's fan base (and are not involved with the demands and other BS), and I doubt he would appreciate seeing them mistreated by one of his brands.

Turtles aside, I doubt he enjoys dealing with controversies, or with fan demands or with the way they've been slandering his team online. It's possible either one of those issues - or even both - impacted his demeanour in the event.

But like I said, I really doubt it. He was behaving how he usually does at these things - bored and eager to get it all over with. I didn't see anything unusual to suggest he was particularly upset or angry. He was just doing his job, earning his pay. Nothing more.

#ggdd events #savage dd #ggdd in the public eye #ask

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fadeintocase · 1 year

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Ever since u released buzzified, and after watching ur streams, it got me thinking. Do u think that “mental illness” dx’s (depression, anxiety, psychosis, mania, ocd) are actual illnesses? Or rather (wrt suburbanites) a result of cellular inflammation, consuming large amts of hfcs, an intellectually understimulating environment, etc. and an excuse to weaponize shitty behavior? or (wrt the working class) a tool used by psychiatry to further marginalize ppl? And/or a manifestation of trauma?

oh boy. there's nuance to this. I think there's a whole clusterfuck of bad ways to look at things that meet at a head and result in our current outlook on mental health.

There's a lot, but let me try to consolidate all my feelings the best i can.

First off, i do not think our society is built to produce a "neurotypical" brain by default, and i don't think it has for decades now. Social media, engagement, parasocial communication and reaction baiting prioritized over actual socialization, everything bo burnham talks about in interviews. That's all very real.

Secondly, i believe the commonly understood meaning of "neurotypical" is completely fanciful. It's a hypothetical ideal state that can be measured against, but i do not know if i have ever in my life met a "neurotypical" person. I've seen well adjusted people that certainly have SOMETHING they are adjusting well to, and i've seen people who seem "normal" completely fall apart mentally over a matter of years. The truth is, as i see it, the brain has a lot of plasticity, and there can be healthy routines, unhealthy routines, structures too rigid they burn people out, and structures too loose they spiral into chaos. These structures and routines can be built by someone's own choices and actions, or put upon them from their environment because of their situation. These cycles are like 90% of what "mental health" is on its face.

Thirdly, i think there is a kind of clinicalization of mental health that aims to treat and alleviate symptoms, in the way that most medicine does, but that does not emphasize and sometimes even OBFUSCATES the effects of and need for positive behavioral and environmental changes. (With regard to working class people, a lot of these things, like having the right amount of rest or liesure time to activity time, work-life balance, proper diet, etc. are certainly class-gated.)

Fourth(ly), i think this clinicalization works really well for people in PMC classes, (who are generally the kind to live in the curly-q suburbs i talk about in If-Then), because the pressures they impress upon themselves are usually stable and structured. You get up and get in your SUV and drive from your suburb to your job, stop at a starbucks to get way too much caffiene and sugar for one human in one day, find an excuse to be mean to a coworker because you haven't finished your coffee yet, have one misunderstanding with a boss that's suddenly the worst thing ever, carry those bad feelings all day, stop at target on the way back, and routinely cuss out the cashier for SOMETHING, then go home and drink too much wine for one human in one day and wake up feeling sick and tired so you go wake up and get your coffee again and hate your life all day for another day again. Eventually when you burn your body out enough that torturing your endocrine system isn't cutting it anymore, you get on a medication and now have to make sure you don't drink that bottle of wine every night. Suddenly your routine which you always had just feels easier and you start posting things like "if you're happy and you know it, it's your meds". Also because the demographics of ppl like this tend to have their health care covered or at least affordable to them, and tend to hit enough other boxes that doctors consider "typical", a mentally unwell patient like this will be considered more meaningful than someone of a lower class that doctors subconsciously won't regard as civilized enough. I see a lot of people who could benefit massively from some of the things afforded to more privileged people, but they just don't have the right job with the right benefits or sometimes even the right schedule to make needed doctors' visits viable. So much of the pressures that lower-class people have to face will result in healthy reactions from the body. Senses of anxiety around safety, or food or developed compulsions to check things may actually be SENSIBLE REACTIONS to their environment. Their anxiety may be justified and REAL. The depression and hopelessness some people feel may actually be an accurate assessment of their situation. And there is nothing that medicating those feelings can do to help the effects their situation is having on their health.

Fifth(ly), yes absolutely i believe over-sugared cellular inflammation, over-caffienation, latent hangovers, sleep deprivation, the increase of CO2 in the atmosphere, i think all of these things can collectively chip away at your body and your brain's ability to function. I think the pressures especially forced on class brakets that take on more labor are absolutely depriving them of basic needs and replacing them with bullshit toxicity that makes its way into our cultural staples. I believe that our job market and our economy and our political reality can lead people to very real and very informed and very accurate states of hopelessness and nihilism. The only hope for this is to fix our system.

Sixth, America in particular is BUILT on self-exceptionalism. Everyone wants to be part of something, but also wants an excuse to be unique as a part of that something, not like the other girls, or "yeah doing this bare minimum thing every human being needs for homeostasis doesn't work for me, (so i'd rather not do it than trying and possibly sacrificing this part of my personality)." When i was a teen i saw a million people do the "I'm so dark. deranged, insane... i'm so twisted, you will never understand me." And looking back, it was a coin flip chance whether they self-DX'd and kept up the same bit with a more specific diagnosis, or whether they just decided one day it was more beneficial to be normal and they dropped the act. This culture hasn't gone away in the decade and a half since i was 15. We millennials already know about the "doing dishes is a trigger for me" suburbanite roommate meeting the "i wanted a found family that wouldn't constantly stress me about finances but all of you motherfuckers are children i am now raising" working class roommate. It's just easier to be broken, more unique to be broken, and more burden to be working. The privileged know this. Upper classes have far more experience with being rewarded for crying your way out of responsibility.

Seventh, There are certainly real mental illnesses, and there are real purposes for those diagnoses. I've seen people's with schizofrenia and how it melts their psyche. I've seen people with DID (not the fun RP-pretend kind) who just got less and less able to grasp reality over time, on a literal neurological level. But more often than not, if a kid tiktok or tumblr with their clean nice clothes in their clean nice room is going off finding a way to compartmentalize all of their personality traits into symptoms of diagnoses they haven't gotten, it's probably Munchausen's syndrome.

also, please let me express, NO ONE EVER TELLS YOU THAT SEROTONIN AND MELATONIN ARE BOTH MADE FROM TRYPTOPHAN. TRYPTOPHAN BECOMES SEROTONIN WHICH IS THEN CONVERTED INTO MELATONIN IF YOU NEED IT. NO ONE EVER EXPLAINS THIS? NO ONE EVER, IN MY HOPPING OF MEDS AND MY QUESTIONS ABOUT "HOW DO I MAKE MORE SEROTONIN" EVER TOLD ME THAT YOU CAN MAKE MORE SEROTONIN BY EATING MORE FUCKING VEGETABLES AND SLEEPING WHEN YOU ARE TIRED! IF YOU FEEL TIRED THAT'S THE MELATONIN AND IF YOU DON'T SLEEP YOU'RE BURNING THROUGH ALL OF THE SEROTONIN YOUR BODY IS MAKING! I HAD TO RESEARCH THIS MYSELF AND EVERY DOCTOR AND BIOLOGIST I'VE CHECKED THIS WITH HAS SAID "THAT'S PRETTY MUCH CORRECT." BUT THE WAY THINGS ARE EVERY PSYCHIATRIST WILL SOONER TELL YOU THAT YOU SIMPLY CANNOT MAKE MORE SEROTONIN AND YOU NEED AN SSRI TO DO THAT. AND THAT IS WRONG. IT'S INCORRECT.

YOU CAN MAKE MORE SEROTONIN BY EATING TRYPTOPHAN AND THEN SLEEPING.

YOU CAN MAKE MORE SEROTONIN BY EATING TRYPTOHAN AND THEN SLEEPING.

YOU CAN MAKE MORE SEROTONIN BY EATING TRYPTOPHAN AND THEN SLEEPING.

and our whole society is built on keeping you from doing fucking anything but that and then selling you a solution. Mental illnesses are very real, but we are all sick, and we do not care to get better.

#mental health

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tripstitan · 7 months

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Yee Gods Yes

Found this on Harvard Health while I was thinking up a reply to a post about which hypersensitivity a person has the most of. (Hint, for me, it's all. Tactile, light, sound, crowd-overstimulation... Every sense of mine is heightened except smell, which I do not have as a sense. I'm anosmic I think is the term.)

Holy hell that would have been useful when I was trying to "be normal" for most of my life, trying to act as if I were neurotypical and not disabled, trying to work within the bounds of society's expected rules. Way to go Harvard Health. This sorta stuff needs to be seen more often by more people, especially employers.

I don't even realize that I'm stimming when I have to "even out" the pressure on either sides of my cuticles. Like if my right thumb gets pressure along its left half, I have to tap/press the right half of the cuticle thingy in response. Sometimes I just have to hit both sides, then eventually, all my fingers need evening out on both sides of my nail(which, once I notice, can become a near endless spiral, because I use my other finger edges to even out the pressure on my other finger edges...)

Don't even get me started on how wearing denim feels like my flesh is on fire. (Tactile hypersensitivity + fibromialgia = NO JEANS PLEASE.)

I used to be more heavily synesthetic, or have synesthesia to a higher degree. (Maybe I still do, but I've avoided the main triggers for a long, long time.) To me, voices and sounds have/had flavor. Too many voices/too much sound ends up just tasting like vomit, just nasty worst flavors combined coming to the fore. Yuck. Crowds suck. School assemblies SUUUUUUUCKED. I know I was a weird creepy kid, and the few things I remember from my past (yay trauma blanking out memories for me,) I'm pretty regretful of. I was sheltered, and I was an idiot... but I... anyway, let's just say I'm glad I'm in a position in life where if I don't want to, I'll never have to enter a crowded/loud space ever again.

As far as sound, and/or light, it depends on the day, because I do get photosensitive migraines, but I'm hyperaural/hyperaudiosensitive all the time. Depending on how I focus my ears, I can hear things, usually further away things, more clearly. It feels like I'm turning an internal radar dish in a crowded room, picking up other people's conversations, unable to hear the person right next to me trying to speak over the noise. ... I can also hear the thrum of electricity in power lines, and, with enough familiarity, can tell you whether or not someone has more appliances running than normal at the end of a segment of power lines. (I could always tell if dad was watching TV before I made it the 200 yards home down our long-arse dirt driveway basically out in the woods, based on the static hum in the power lines. It was just a tiny bit more audible, or a slightly different pitch. I think I probably could have also learned to guess if he'd opened the fridge and it had to kick in to cool things, or was using the microwave, but the easiest one to prove was the TV being on, or not, as based on the sound when I arrived home from school.)

Sarcasm suuuuuucks to try to detect. I trained myself to learn inflections and so on, and some people deliver without inflection! Or use it online, where there is no inflection! I... yeah I went undiagnosed most of my life, my therapist and I are proud of how far I'd come without help, without even knowing what I was facing. I grew up pretty poor, raised by a single parent, in the 80s and early 90s into late nineties and early 2000s, before there really was a ubiquity of internet access, before anyone could even reasonably be expected to have access to information, especially when living in such a rural area, or areas, as we did.

Anyway, sort of like Ren's admission in Hi Ren, as I got older, I learned to be less rigid about attempting to fit into society, and I honestly lucked out by landing on my feet in the way that I did. It was a pretty long, multi-year fall, a tumble if you will, to the outskirts and edges of society. Not quite as graceful or eloquent as Ren's "an eternal dance, a pendulum swinging between the light and the dark, and that the harder the light shone, the deeper the darkness that followed it" or such. I'm paraphrasing. (Seriously, if you haven't watched it, Hi Ren puts a lot of feelings to words that peeps in our situations feel and deal with. Impostor syndrome, depression, intrusive thoughts, struggling with disabilities and getting the help we need, and so on. I guess content warning for it, since it's pretty personal and deep. I dunno what TW to say, maybe uh... bpd? Ren acts out two different internal voices in the song.)

Gods, I'm letting all this stuff get way too personal. It's just supposed to be my webnovel ad blog thingy. Then again, AAoMM is a huge part of me, it's a chunk of almost everything that I am, in a lot of ways. It's already pretty darn personal, carrying so much of me with it.

#sensory issues #sensory overload #sensory processing disorder #stim #stimming #neurodivergent #neurodiverse stuff #neurodiversity #disability representation #disability #disabled #disabilties #acceptance #hi ren

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mbti-notes · 1 year

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Anon wrote: First of all, happy holidays! I hope that you can spend them with the people precious to you and can rest your energies for next year.

Okay, so this is a bit about communication issues with my parents. I have autism with sensory hypersensitivity in general, specifically misophonia. Loud noises (especially high-pitched ones) REALLY hurt my ears. The problem is that both my parents have a tendency to scream without warning whenever something displeases them in a conversation.

My father talks really loudly normally (I think he has hearing loss) and when he gets excited, he shouts your ear off. He's like that all the time and I really like him, so the best I can do is just stand a bit far away when he's talking since he gets really angry and offended when you ask him to tone down a bit.

My mother talks at a reasonable volume, but every time she gets angry at something you say (she perceives everything as a personal attack and doesn't really get that I'm autistic and what it truly entails. To her, it's a limiting label I can overcome with enough will), she will scream at you out of the blue. I ask her to tone down because it hurts and I'm listening just fine, sometimes she will, most of them she'll just accuse me of making her angry in purpose, say I use the "wrong" words (I have no idea what she means and when I ask her to clarify, she says "I should know" as if I'm neurotypical, but go off, I guess lol) or start getting even angrier. I'm not accusing her of anything, I'm just calmly asking her to speak a little less loudly because it hurts when she talks like that and that I'm listening just fine.

I spent a time living by myself at uni, so I got used to them not screaming my ear anymore, so now that I'll spend the holidays at home, it's truly an issue. I suspect my mother has some type of personality disorder because if she perceives any sort of "accusation" in what you're saying, she'll berate at you. I'm not saying anything bad for her to flip off like that. It happens with my father as well, but he'll just scream back at her and it'll become unbearable to be around them at those times.

Do you have any suggestions on how can I talk to them a bit to minimize this issue? It truly hurts, so it's not something I can just pretend it's fine, when you're in physical pain, it becomes unbearable to pretend it's not that, but I really like them and want to be around them. Thanks, have a nice xmas

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I wish you happy holidays as well, though it may be a challenge. Your parents sound like... quite the characters. As a general rule of thumb, when you are faced with a situation that cannot be changed or people who will never change, most of your options fall into three categories: accept, adapt, or avoid.

I relate to your pain. I also can't physically tolerate shouting and screaming. I'm not autistic but I have immense sensitivity to certain loud noises, to the point where it feels like my brain melts and I will collapse. For example, when I'm working on my car and I have to turn on the shop-vac, the noise of that thing just punctures a big hole in my being. Others just deal with it and can't understand why it's debilitating for me. Some sufferers try a kind of graduated exposure therapy, where they expose themselves to louder and louder noises to gradually get used to them, but it hasn't worked for me.

Since I can't change my physical sensitivity and I can't always change the sound environment, I keep a set of earplugs handy whenever it's likely I'll be subjected to very loud noises. I found some discreet looking ones and I sometimes use hat/hair to cover them up as needed, but people are usually understanding once I explain the problem. I learned to adjust them into a position where I can still hear what people say while volume is reduced.

I'm not saying this is an ideal solution or that it will work for you. I'm only saying that practical problems need practical solutions, so you have to be creative and find a way to adapt.

#sensitivity #misphonia #autism #ask

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ganymedesclock · 3 years

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These are questions I've had for some while and it's hard to find someone who'll answer with grace. This mostly relates to disabilities (mental or physical) in fiction.

1) What makes a portrayal of a disability that's harming the character in question ableist?

2) Is there a way to write a disabled villain in a way that isn't ableist?

In the circles I've been in, the common conceptions are you can't use a character's disability as a plot point or showcase it being a hindrance in some manner. heaven forbid you make your villain disabled in some capacity, that's a freaking death sentence to a creative's image. I understand historically villains were the only characters given disabilities, but (and this is my personal experience) I've not seen as many disabled villains nowadays, heck, I see more disabled heroes in media nowadays.

Sorry if this comes off as abrasive, I'd really like to be informed for future media consumption and my own creative endeavors.

Okay so the first thing I'm going to say is that while it IS a good idea to talk to disabled people and get their feedback, disabled people are not a monolith and they aren't going to all have the same take on how this goes.

My personal take is biased in favor that I'm a neurodivergent person (ADHD and autism) who has no real experience with physical disabilities, so I won't speak for physically disabled people- heck, I won't even speak for every neurotype. Like I say, people aren't a monolith.

For myself and my own writing of disabled characters, here's a couple of concepts I stick by:

Research is your friend

Think about broad conventions of ableism

Be mindful of cast composition

1. Research is your friend

Yeah this is the thing everybody says, so here's the main bases I try to cover:

What's the story on this character's disability?

Less in terms of 'tragic angst' and more, what kind of condition this is- because a congenital amputee (that is to say, someone who was born without a limb) will have a different relationship to said limb absence than someone who lost their limb years ago to someone who lost their limb yesterday. How did people in their life respond to it, and how did they respond to it? These responses are not "natural" and will not be the same to every person with every worldview. This can also be a great environment to do worldbuilding in! Think about the movie (and the tv series) How To Train Your Dragon. The vikings in that setting don't have access to modern medicine, and they're, well, literally fighting dragons and other vikings. The instance of disability is high, and the medical terminology to talk about said disabilities is fairly lackluster- but in a context where you need every man you possibly can to avoid the winter, the mindset is going to be not necessarily very correct, but egalitarian. You live in a village of twenty people and know a guy who took a nasty blow to the head and hasn't quite been the same ever since? "Traumatic Brain Injury" is probably not going to be on your lips, but you're also probably going to just make whatever peace you need to and figure out how to accommodate Old Byron for his occasional inability to find the right word, stammers and trembles. In this example, there are several relevant pieces of information- what the character's disability is (aphasia), how they got it (brain injury), and the culture and climate around it (every man has to work, and we can't make more men or throw them away very easily, so, how can we make sure this person can work even if we don't know what's wrong with them)

And that dovetails into:

What's the real history, and modern understandings, of this?

This is where "knowing the story" helps a lot. To keep positing our hypothetical viking with a brain injury, I can look into brain injuries, what affects their extent and prognosis, and maybe even beliefs about this from the time period and setting I'm thinking of (because people have had brains, and brain injuries, the entire time!) Sure, if the setting is fantastical, I have wiggle room, but looking at inspirations might give me a guide post.

Having a name for your disorder also lets you look for posts made by specific people who live with the condition talking about their lives. This is super, super important for conditions stereotyped as really scary, like schizophrenia or narcissistic personality disorder. Even if you already know "schizophrenic people are real and normal" it's still a good thing to wake yourself up and connect with others.

2. Think about broad conventions of ableism

It CAN seem very daunting or intimidating to stay ahead of every single possible condition that could affect someone's body and mind and the specific stereotypes to avoid- there's a lot under the vast umbrella of human experience and we're learning more all the time! A good hallmark is, ableism has a few broad tendencies, and when you see those tendencies rear their head, in your own thinking or in accounts you read by others, it's good to put your skeptical glasses on and look closer. Here's a few that I tend to watch out for:

Failing the “heartwarming dog” test

This was a piece of sage wisdom that passed my eyeballs, became accepted as sage wisdom, and my brain magnificently failed to recall where I saw it. Basically, if you could replace your disabled character with a lovable pet who might need a procedure to save them, and it wouldn’t change the plot, that’s something to look into.

Disability activists speak often about infantilization, and this is a big thing of what they mean- a lot of casual ableism considers disabled people as basically belonging to, or being a burden onto, the able-bodied and neurotypical. This doesn’t necessarily even need to have an able neurotypical in the picture- a personal experience I had that was extremely hurtful was at a point in high school, I decided to do some research on autism for a school project. As an autistic teenager looking up resources online, I was very upset to realize that every single resource I accessed at the time presumed it was talking to a neurotypical parent about their helpless autistic child. I was looking for resources to myself, yet made to feel like I was the subject in a conversation.

Likewise, many wheelchair users have relayed the experience of, when they, in their chair, are in an environment accompanied by someone else who isn’t using a chair, strangers would speak to the standing person exclusively, avoiding addressing the chair user.

It’s important to always remind yourself that at no point do disabled people stop being people. Yes, even people who have facial deformities; yes, even people who need help using the bathroom; yes, even people who drool; yes, even people whose conditions impact their ability to communicate, yes, even people with cognitive disabilities. They are people, they deserve dignity, and they are not “a child trapped in a 27-year-old body”- a disabled adult is still an adult. All of the “trying to learn the right rules” in the world won’t save you if you keep an underlying fear of non-normative bodies and minds.

This also has a modest overlap between disability and sexuality in particular. I am an autistic grayromantic ace. Absolutely none of my choices or inclinations about sex are because I’m too naive or innocent or childlike to comprehend the notion- disabled people have as diverse a relationship with sexuality as any other. That underlying fear- as mentioned before- can prevent many people from imagining that, say, a wheelchair user might enjoy sex and have experience with it. Make sure all of your disabled characters have full internal worlds.

Poor sickly little Tiffany and the Red Right Hand

A big part of fictional ableism is that it separates the disabled into two categories. Anybody who’s used TVTropes would recognize the latter term I used here. But to keep it brief:

Poor, sickly little Tiffany is cute. Vulnerable. How her disability affects her life is that it constantly creates a pall of suffering that she lives beneath. After all, having a non-normative mind or body must be an endless cavalcade of suffering and tragedy, right? People who are disabled clearly spend their every waking moment affected by, and upset, that they aren’t normal!

The answer is... No, actually. Cut the sad violin; even people who have chronic pain who are literally experiencing pain a lot more than the rest of us are still fully capable of living complex lives and being happy. If nothing else, it would be literally boring to feel nothing but awful, and people with major depression or other problems still, also, have complicated experiences. And yes, some of it’s not great. You don’t have to present every disability as disingenuously a joy to have. But make a point that they own these things. It is a very different feeling to have a concerned father looking through the window at his angel-faced daughter rocking sadly in her wheelchair while she stares longingly out the window, compared to a character waking up at midnight because they have to go do something and frustratedly hauling their body out of their bed into their chair to get going.

Poor Sickly Little Tiffany (PSLT, if you will) virtually always are young, and they virtually always are bound to the problems listed under ‘failing the heartwarming dog’ test. Yes, disabled kids exist, but the point I’m making here is that in the duality of the most widely accepted disabled characters, PSLT embodies the nadir of the Victim, who is so pure, so saintly, so gracious, that it can only be a cruel quirk of fate that she’s suffering. After all, it’s not as if disabled people have the same dignity that any neurotypical and able-bodied person has, where they can be an asshole and still expect other people to not seriously attack their quality of life- it’s a “service” for the neurotypical and able-bodied to “humor” them.

(this is a bad way to think. Either human lives matter or they don’t. There is no “wretched half-experience” here- if you wouldn’t bodily grab and yank around a person standing on their own feet, you have no business grabbing another person’s wheelchair)

On the opposite end- and relevant to your question- is the Red Right Hand. The Red Right Hand does not have PSLT’s innocence or “purity”- is the opposite extreme. The Red Right Hand is virtually always visually deformed, and framed as threatening for their visual deformity. To pick on a movie I like a fair amount, think about how in Captain America: The Winter Soldier, the title character is described- “Strong. Fast. Had a metal arm.” That’s a subtle example, but, think about how that metal arm is menacing. Sure, it’s a high tech weapon in a superhero genre- but who has the metal arm? The Winter Soldier, who is, while a tormented figure that ultimately becomes more heroic- scary. Aggressive. Out for blood.

The man who walks at midnight with a Red Right Hand is a signal to us that his character is foul because of the twisting of his body. A good person, we are led to believe, would not be so- or a good person would be ashamed of their deformity and work to hide it. The Red Right Hand is not merely “an evil disabled person”- they are a disabled person whose disability is depicted as symptomatic of their evil, twisted nature, and when you pair this trope with PSLT, it sends a message: “stay in your place, disabled people. Be sad, be consumable, and let us push you around and decide what to do with you. If you get uppity, if you have ideas, if you stand up to us, then the thing that made you a helpless little victim will suddenly make you a horrible monster, and justify us handling you with inhumanity.”

As someone who is a BIG fan of eldritch horror and many forms of unsettling “wrongness” it is extremely important to watch out for the Red Right Hand. Be careful how you talk about Villainous Disability- there is no connection between disability and morality. People will be good, bad, or simply just people entirely separate from their status of ability or disability. It’s just as ableist to depict every disabled person as an innocent good soul as it is to exclusively deal in grim and ghastly monsters.

Don’t justify disabilities and don’t destroy them.

Superpowers are cool. Characters can and IMO should have superpowers, as long as you’re writing a genre when they’re there.

BUT.

It’s important to remember that there is no justification for disabilities, because they don’t need one. Disability is simply a feature characters have. You do not need to go “they’re blind, BUT they can see the future”

This is admittedly shaky, and people can argue either way; the Blind Seer is a very pronounced mythological figure and an interesting philosophical point about what truly matters in the world. There’s a reason it exists as a conceit. But if every blind character is blind in a way that completely negates that disability or makes it meaningless- this sucks. People have been blind since the dawn of time. And people will always accommodate their disabilities in different ways. Even if the technology exists to fix some forms of blindness, there are people who will have “fixable” blindness and refuse to treat it. There will be individuals born blind who have no meaningful desire to modify this. And there are some people whose condition will be inoperable even if it “shouldn’t” be.

You don’t need to make your disabled characters excessively cool, or give them a means by which the audience can totally forget they’re disabled. Again, this is a place where strong worldbuilding is your buddy- a handwave of “x technology fixed all disabilities”, in my opinion, will never come off good. If, instead, however, you throw out a careless detail that the cool girl the main character is chatting up in a cyberpunk bar has an obvious spinal modification, and feature other characters with prosthetics and without- I will like your work a lot, actually. Even if you’re handing out a fictional “cure”- show the seams. Make it have drawbacks and pros and cons. A great example of this is in the series Full Metal Alchemist- the main character has two prosthetic limbs, and not only do these limbs come with problems, some mundane (he has phantom limb pains, and has to deal with outgrowing his prostheses or damaging them in combat) some more fantastical (these artificial limbs are connected to his nerves to function fluidly- which means that they get surgically installed with no anesthesia and hurt like fuck plugging in- and they require master engineering to stay in shape). We explicitly see a scene of the experts responsible for said limbs talking to a man who uses an ordinary prosthetic leg, despite the advantages of an automail limb, because these drawbacks are daunting to him and he is happier with a simple prosthetic leg.

Even in mundane accommodations you didn’t make up- no two wheelchair users use their chair the exact same way, and there’s a huge diversity of chairs. Someone might be legally blind but still navigate confidently on their own; they might use a guide dog, or they might use a cane. They might even change their needs from situation to situation!

Disability accommodations are part of life

This ties in heavily to the previous point, but seriously! Don’t just look up one model of cane and superimpose it with no modifications onto your character- think about what their lifestyle is, and what kind of person they are!

Also medication is not the devil. Yes, medical abuse is real and tragic and the medication is not magic fairy dust that solves all problems either. But also, it’s straight ableism to act like anybody needing pills for any reason is a scary edgy plot twist.

(and addiction is a disease. Please be careful, and moreover be compassionate, if you’re writing a character who’s an addict)

3. Be mindful of cast composition

This, to me, is a big tip about disability writing and it’s also super easy to implement!

Just make sure your cast has a lot of meaningful disabled characters in it!

Have you done all the work you can to try and dodge the Red Right Hand but you’re still worried your disabled villain is a bad look? They sure won’t look like a commentary on disability if three other people in the cast are disabled and don’t have the same outlook or role! Worried that you’re PSLT-ing your main character’s disabled child? Maybe the disability is hereditary and they got it from the main character!

The more disabled characters you have, the more it will challenge you to think about what their individual relationship is with the world and the less you’ll rely on hackneyed tropes. At least, ideally.

Ultimately, there’s no perfect silver bullet of diversity writing that will prevent a work from EVER being ableist, but I hope this helped, at least!

#disability #writing ruminations #readmore

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mental-ch-illness · 2 years

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so like. i broke up with my ex about a year ago after her being abusive towards me (emotional manipulation, threatened stuff, kept calling me a man even when i stated i was genderqueer, unfun stuff), yet recently I cant stop thinking about her?? and i feel god awful bc im in a much healthier relationship now and my current partner doesnt deserve me thinking about someone toxic. i kind of miss her? but also just caught up in how she treated me and how i shouldve left sooner. is this normal? my partner doesnt seem to mind but i still feel bad that i think this way. sorry for dropping this. been following this blog for a lil while and felt safe enough to ask

hi! i’m so glad you feel safe enough to vent. that means a lot to hear. i’m sorry if this response is late, i’m slowly getting back into the swing of things.

this is a common problem i believe many people with bpd— and even some neurotypicals— face. granted, i would definitely say that people with bpd (and those with trauma in general) experience this on a much deeper and inherently distressing manner than those who do not. it is very normal, and you are far from alone.

one thing i find very helpful is to examine my behaviors to what would’ve been adaptive ‘in the wild’. we can find a lot of insight from the ways we evolved. these things are meant for survival, much like the many maladaptive coping skills and strategies we adopt from our traumatic past. this does NOT mean that these are good things for our well being, especially in today’s world, but putting them in context can help us understand why we feel this way. that is a very important aspect of overcoming our past.

humans are very social creatures, and that is not by coincidence. our brain gives us the happy chemicals when we feel accepted in social circles because being a part of a community was key to survival. in a group, we are taken care of, have more security, learn from each other, etc. a really awesome video that demonstrates compassion in humanity from prehistoric time is Disabilities in Prehistory, by TREY the Explainer. you can get a good idea of how vital social groups are to survival overall through the lens of prehistoric compassion. this is why we have evolved to be dependent on social bonds.

so, we know the brain rewards us for positive social bonds, but the vice versa is also true. it gives us a negative reaction (cringe, depression, envy, anxiety) when we lose these bonds and fall out of social groups, even when we fundamentally know this person or these people are a detriment to our wellbeing. as our mental health kills us slower than starvation or exposure, our brain will always choose to prioritize survival over what is inherently good for us. this why i theorize it is so hard for people in abusive relationships to just ‘leave’. the idea of separating yourself from someone your brain identifies as the key to survival is viewed as potentially dangerous. that doesn’t make it right, but our brain is running on hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of evolution. it’s hardwired this way. you cannot change that.

while that sounds depressing, it provides a good deal of insight into how we overcome this. many people seem to think that recovery is simply no longer automatically feeling these emotions or experiencing these symptoms. that is not true. therapy, medication, and lifestyle changes are not a quick fix. if you’re wondering ‘why am i not better yet?’ you might be more focused in on that automatic, survival driven response than you’re aware of. to overcome the limitations of your evolutionary hardware, you need to update your software.

you’ve identified what you’re experiencing, which is distress and grief over a loss, and now that you have an understanding of the why, now it’s the process of learning the triggers. what is making you feel this way? what experiences surround this sudden onset of emotion? this is where a journal or mood tracking app (i use daylio! just add emotions in activities and refer to the ‘rad, good, meh, bad, awful’ as a rating system of 1 to 5 for overall mood) can come in handy. you have a physical reference to look back on. for example, when you look back on the times you feel this way maybe you notice it’s always when you’re alone. when you’re idle, you brain might associate that with abandonment. a good solution is to keep your brain busy. reach out to friends, start a puzzle, play with pets, clean your room, listen to music, find new distractions. when you get into these habits of avoiding these triggers, you prevent these mood dips are start installing the software to override that hardware. this is called recovery.

i really hope this helped you!

maple

#bpd #actuallybpd #long post

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confusedlamp · 3 years

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Mental Health Strategies

I have dealt with various mental health BS (anxiety, depression, ADHD), and while I haven't gotten it all figured out, I have been dealing with it for well over a decade now. I figured I would make a list of coping mechanisms that have helped me and are worth trying out if you haven't already. None of these things are “magic” (just try this and your brain will be all fixed!), and obviously not applicable in all situations. I mostly learned these via therapy or from other people struggling with mental illness. This also may or may not be to help me have a list of things written down for when I forget.

Putting this below a keep reading thing because this got long FAST:

For depression funks:

-Find a small task you can complete. Wash a dish, throw clothes in the hamper, take out the trash, etc. Something small.

-Take a shower. And try changing clothes. Even if it's in to some pajamas. If you aren't up to showering, try washing your face and maybe wiping down with a wipe. But a change of clothes will still feel better.

-Eat something. Doesn't have to be "healthy." Some food, no matter what it is, is better than no food.

-Can you get outside? Doesn't have to be to excercise. Just sitting on the front steps for a few minutes in the sun.

-Doing something to take care of yourself. Can you brush your teeth? Have a glass of water? Brush your hair? Just pick one thing and so it.

-Plan something. See if you can get a friend to meet you to hang out (or zoom) or maybe for dinner. For yourself, maybe find a movie to go see (post pandemic). Preferably find something that has a set time.

For panics:

- Square breathing. Breathe in for 5, hold for 5, breath out for 5, hold for 5. Repeat.

-There are a ton of meditations on youtube. Search "5 minute meditation" and you'll find a ton of videos.

-After the initial panic is over try calling a friend. If you can't for some reason (sometimes it's 3 am or your friend isn't available), try finding some cat videos on youtube. I highly recommend Cole and Marmalade. Something light that will get your brain on something else.

For Executive Dysfunction:

-Remove steps to putting things away. For awhile in school, I would have a mess of papers that weren't organized or put away because I was trying to use a binder. As silly as it sounds, having to neatly align paper holes or got find a place to punch those holes, would prevent me from putting things away. So I switched to folders. Suddenly I stopped losing things and my papers were organized.

-Bullet journaling. Or rather, I just have a little notebook where I put all my to do lists, grocery lists, project planning, brainstorming, etc. I don't properly Bullet Journal (TM) but I keep all my lists in one spot and it helps.

-To do lists in general. Writing out steps to get something done. Cross things out when you finish them. You get a better sense of accomplishment.

-When executive dysfunction is preventing you from getting out of bed, break it down. Step one, sit up. Step 2, swing legs over side. Step 3 stand up.

-Same with any task. If it seems too overwhelming or you just can't bring yourself to do it, it might be because you are looking at all the steps and feeling it's too much. So just think about the first one.

-Alarms and reminders. I put everything on a calendar in my phone. Google Calendar allows you to set a reminder for events days, weeks, hours, and minutes ahead. You can also set alarms for things like "I know I need to leave at 3 for the appointment, so I am going to set an alarm for 2:45 to start getting ready." Do not rely on yourself to look at the clock. YOU WILL NOT LOOK AT THE CLOCK IN TIME.

-Set the dang alarm clock across the room. That way, you gotta get out of bed to turn it off. Once out of bed, go take any meds, or if you don’t have meds, go do a small morning task. Usually doing this small task is enough to get me awake enough to not get back into bed. If I do, well, at least I have taken my meds.

Sensory Issues:

- Fitted sweat pants and hiking pants. I can’t stand tight clothing, but I want to look presentable. Sweatpants that taper can still look decent. Travel pants or hiking pants (you can find these at places like REI), basically look like slacks but are made out of stretchy material. They also usually are made out of quick dry material which is nice.

-Fidget and sensory toys. I really like hedgehog rings which have these little spikes on them I can run my thumb over. Also the tangle. I have a tangle that has a rubber coating that has little bumps on it. What you end up liking might differ, but those are two of my favorite. Also, if anyone gives you shit about these, you can explain “it’s sorta like a stress ball, but instead you [whatever you do with this fidget toy].”

-Ear plugs. I wear these a lot because I have particular issues with sounds, especially certain ones. I prefer either silicone gummy ones or I like these that are “slim” because they don’t make my ears hurt. You can also get musician ear plugs that are made for musicians to protect their hearing, but still be able to hear tones and what is going on, for when sound is simply too load (also good for concerts).

For General ADHD things:

-Work somewhere different. This is a bit limited due to the pandemic currently, but just working at the kitchen table instead of your bedroom can help. In college, I used to go to the library to work. Just the idea that I was going to someplace specific to do a specific task, helped me actually get started.

-Promise yourself that you will work for 10 minutes. Set an alarm if needed. Usually just starting will make the task seem less intimidating. If 10 minutes is too much, do 5.

-Cardio. Get your self moving. This is good for a lot of things, but I highly recommend it for before you have to sit down to work on a task, like school work. I personally run, but if that’s not your thing dance, a class, walking, biking, etc. Just whatever you like.

-Time dependent things are good to get yourself going. Again, this is limited by the pandemic, but for normal times, can you meet a friend for breakfast? Can you schedule your appointment so you have to get to it before you start work? When I was in college, I used to go to morning gym classes before my first class of the day. This got me up and if I was 5 minutes late, it was better to do that for a gym class than a physics class. Bonus because it was exercise and I could focus better on the class.

-In classes, try to find a notes buddy or study group. That way, if you zoned out a moment, you can ask them for the notes from that section and vice versa. Also, meeting up with them is a great way to have a set time to study.

For General Anxiety/ Depression:

-This is going to sound cheesy as fuck, but: Make a list for what you are good at. Things you like about yourself. Things you have accomplished. They don’t have to be super deep, but can be. Do you like your nose? Can you paint your nails well? Are you good at understanding your cat? Are you good at writing? Drawing? Did you overcome a bad test and still manage to pass a class? If you have a friend or significant other that you are comfortable with, ask them to help maybe. Keep this list for when you feel like shit.

-Yoga. I’m sorry to put this on here because it seems like the most neurotypical advice, but. I honestly love this shit. If you haven’t given it a shot, there’s a reason why people like it. You don’t have to belong to a gym to try it. I highly recommend Yoga with Adrienne. She has some great beginner videos.

-Take breaks from social media and news as needed. Seriously. You are a single person and can’t fix everything. Do what you can (share the information, make a donation, join in mutual aid efforts, etc.) but doom scrolling and obsessing won’t help anyone. If you won’t do it for yourself, consider that burning yourself out will make you unable to help later on.

-Create things. They don’t have to be amazing. Crocheting, knitting, drawing, writing, etc. Having something that you can look at and be like “I made that” is really satisfying. Youtube has some great tutorials for pretty much anything. For drawing, I really like Proko. He has some great videos on drawing faces. But again: IT DOESN’T NEED TO BE GOOD.

General Resources/ Advice:

-If you are currently in college, most campuses will have groups for counseling and even limited one on one sessions. Usually, these counseling groups are free and the one on one sessions can help you find a counselor nearby.

-How to ADHD. Seriously I love this youtube channel. She goes over how ADHD affects the brain and has seriously helped me understand it better.

-The Trevor Project. For LGBTQ teens and youth. They have a hotline and many other resources.

-If what is stopping you from getting therapy is the idea that you are being dramatic/ are not that bad/ others have it worse: Go get therapy. What are we going to do, find the one person who has it the worst off than anyone and only they are allowed to feel bad and get help? Screw that. Get some help.

-Remember that there are good things in your future. Where ever you are in life, you have something positive in your future, even if you don’t know it yet. One day, there will be a moment when you look back on the dark times and be so glad you didn’t give up.

-Obligatory: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ (1-800-273-8255). This is national suicide prevention lifeline, for the US. They can help.

-https://www.crisistextline.org/ For when you don’t like phone calls, try texting instead. Has US, Canada, UK, and Ireland numbers.

#well there you go #my post #mental health #coping mechanisms #adhd #depression #anxiety #depression recovery #mental health resources #hope this helps someone #mental health strategies

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stimmingstarboy · 3 years

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Hi friend! I've been looking into autism to see if I have it for a few years now and I'm not sure, so I was wondering if I could ask a few questions. The DSM-5 says there has to be impaired nonverbal communication, which includes abnormal eye contact, and I can think of no "real" examples (aka from autistic people) of nonverbal communication. I remember making the conscious decision on how I would make eye contact (several years ago) and I still only look at one eye intensely (from what I've seen in movies, people switch between eyes). I've been noticing a lot of autistic traits, but I don't know if it's because I'm paying more attention and reading too much into it or if they've always been there. My mom is adamant that I'm not autistic, but she has a lot of misinformation about it and thinks it's something you can get later in life and I don't know if the traits have to be obvious to everyone else or just me. I'm also not exhausted from masking all the time and I'm not sure if that's because I'm not autistic or I'm just weird and no one mentions it. Also the DSM-5 is difficult to understand and I hate reading it. This was a really long ask and I didn't mean for it to be such a rant :(

don't worry about it man, I genuinely enjoy getting asks and questions like these! things like the DSM really can be difficult to understand especially if you don't normally read fancy clinical stuff (aka a lot of people). fortunately I actually really like translating scientific stuff into more understandable content! this might be a little long though so brace yourself

I was actually the same when it comes to eye contact. When I was younger and someone was talking to me face to face I would just stare intensely at one eye. Abnormal eye contact can range from not enough to too much or doing it at inappropriate times. I have no idea how much eye contact people normally do so I don't really have any examples.

nonverbal communication is also a big term. not only does it include eye contact but its also body movement, posture, hand gestures, touching, how close you stand to others, and how you say things. all of those things tend to come naturally to neurotypicals but autistics might misinterpret these signals, or send off signals that neurotypicals misinterpret.

for example, it's hard for people to understand what I'm feeling because it's not obvious based off of my tone of voice, facial expressions, and how I move. people can only really tell what I'm feeling if I'm SUPER happy or SUPER upset to an extreme.

I also struggle with understanding other people's nonverbal communication unless they're super obvious. it's hard for me to tell if someone is sad, angry, happy, sleepy, ext. It's also hard for me to tell when it's my turn to talk in a conversation or when I need to stop talking. neurotypicals know how to do that stuff based off of nonverbal communication.

masking isn't something that absolutely exhausts everyone and it comes easier to others so being able to mask and not being drained to 0% by it doesn't mean you're not autistic. A LOT of autism stuff isn't actually visible to other people since it's internal stuff happening inside your brain. Examples can be how you think + process things, how you perceive things, how you interpret the world, and how you understand things. it's not like people can just jump into your brain so a lot of the mental processes go unnoticed. autism traits can especially go unnoticed if the people around you don't understand exactly how autism can present itself.

ok ok last but not least: it's actually SUPER common to start noticing your autistic traits more after you start suspecting that you have autism. it's just because it's on your mind more. It's like if you find a lucky penny and you suddenly start noticing more positive things around you! it's seriously something that happens to everyone in different contexts.

I like to believe that you know yourself better than anyone else knows you. if you think you have autism and show a lot of signs of autism you're probably autistic. 0w0 here's a link to a page that explains the DSM-5 diagnosis criteria along with some examples. it's much shorter than the actual DSM-5 and I think it explains things better

if you have any other questions or need something explained more don't hesitate to message me! I'm happy to help out and translate things into more understandable stuff

#long text #autism #actually autistic #autism spectrum disorder #asd #asks

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mychaptersarebeautiful · 2 years

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Rose colored glasses and what they are NOT.

I feel like I have had the worst string of bad luck and I don’t know what I did to cause it. One after another: my health, my finances, my property, my job, my relationships, all decided to gang up on me at once. I won’t give the dirty details but that’s the gist of it. All in about 3 months time.

And the biggest thing that has annoyed me was when people tell me this:

“Look at the positive! You’ve got other stuff going for you!”

And my normal response is to want to punch them in the face.

But I talked to my crisis counselor about two days ago. I was ugly crying, incoherent, but all I could manage out was I don’t know what to do.

And he gave me the most simple yet almost annoying response.

“You did the right thing. You’re talking about it.”

Um. I can do literally nothing else but talk about it. I feel like I’m at rock bottom but there was a trap door. Literally everything is going wrong right now and the big solution was to talk about it???

But when he said that, it made me stop and think. Especially with what the straw was that broke the camel’s back. I walked out of my car that morning to find someone had hit the front of it and the bumper was hanging off. At the time, my reaction was that the car was totaled and the world was on fire. I broke down after the police officer left, talked to my mom and talked to my counselor. I didn’t know what I needed to hear but I needed to hear something because I was not okay. I cannot catch a break.

Depression and anxiety and other mental illnesses are like a single colored pair of glasses. If you’re looking at a paper with red and blue scribbles and your glasses are red tinted, all you’ll see are the blue scribbles. Before that moment my glasses were tinted with negativity and that’s all I could see. Every bad thing on that paper was all that was there.

My thoughts to anyone ever saying, “look on the bright side!” have probably been similar to anyone reading this. Neurotypical people are those who don’t need glasses to correct their vision. They can see both sides for what they are. Just like someone who’s colorblind, you can’t tell them to see something their eyes are literally unable to see.

So the whole “looking at the world through rose colored glasses” is a bit tricky. I can’t just flip the switch of my view of how things are and suddenly be cured. It takes work and patience and help and kindness for yourself to see the world for what it is: a conglomeration of good and bad. And it’s not successful off the bat.

I regularly forget my regular glasses are even on my face and I can’t see without them. And to tell me to read a sign about 6 feet from my face without them is a waste of time.

You don’t need rose colored glasses. You need glasses that correct your vision and allow yourself to see EVERYTHING in front of you.

In short, the bad doesn’t go away. But neither does the good. And anyone can tell me, “I have nothing going for me.”

If you have blurry vision, I would say to see an eye doctor to help you get glasses. And for mental illness, I would say to see a psychiatrist/psychologist/therapist or SOMEONE to help. Medication, cognitive behavioral therapy, talk therapy, any sort of treatment to help you see the world for what it really is.

So don’t go out and get rose colored glasses to fix everything. Get the glasses you need to keep going.

#depression #anxiety #bipolar #suicide prevention #mental illness #mental health #mental health awareness #hope #recovery #medication #therapy #jesus loves you #i love you #you can do this #you got this #you matter

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gelatinocomics · 3 years

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"The Maud Couple” Is Good, Actually

[ID: Pinkie Pie, Maud, and Mudbriar stand outside in the daytime, looking at each other. Pinkie is smiling and talking with her hoof raised, while Maud and Mudbriar stare back blankly.]

In my experience, The Maud Couple (S8E3) is generally an unpopular episode of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic due to the introduction of the contentious character Mudbriar. It's understandably unpopular among the queer fans, who hate to see a shoehorned-in hetero relationship, and some neurodivergent fans who might take issue with Mudbriar's portrayal of autism.

These are legitimate grievances, but I think people don't give this episode a fair shake. I've put some thought into it, and I ended up taking a positive message away from this episode, even if it wasn’t the one intended by the writers. I'd like to delve into my feelings on the episode, which might help you better appreciate an underappreciated character.

[ID: Starlight Glimmer, wearing a mining helmet, smiles and looks behind her. In front of her there are large yellow, blue, and green gemstones embedded in a cave wall. Maud and Starlight’s reflection appears in every facet of the gemstones. Maud looks down as she talks.]

"Another reason I like rocks – they don't exclude you if you're... different than other ponies." (S7E4 Rock Solid Friendship)

Maud Pie is undeniably neurodivergent. Since her introduction, fans on the autism spectrum found lots of things to relate to: her lack of tone regulation in speech, her special interest, and her general difficulty in following the social rules that neurotypical people take for granted. In her first appearance, the Mane 6 found Maud difficult to understand, and none of them could get along well with her. The one thing they could agree upon was their love for Pinkie Pie. Pinkie grew up with Maud and they have an unbreakable bond. It’s a running joke in the show that while other characters struggle with Maud’s oddities, Pinkie finds nothing unusual about her.

The Maud Couple saw the introduction of Mudbriar, Maud’s boyfriend who she met offscreen. However, in his first scene, we don’t know his relation to Maud; he’s just an abrasive character that Pinkie can’t stand. Pinkie is shocked to discover that Maud would fall “in like” (Maud’s words describing her relationship with Mudbriar) with someone like him.

The irony of the situation is that Mudbriar is shown to be just like Maud. Maud says they have a lot in common, and they’re happiest when discussing their special interests. Later, Starlight (already established to be good friends with Maud) points out that Mudbriar sounds just like Maud, and Pinkie has trouble accepting that. The rest of the episode is about Pinkie learning to respect her sister’s love for Mudbriar, even if she can’t personally understand it.

[ID: Pinkie Pie wraps Maud and Mudbriar in a hug as they all sit together on a clifftop. The sun is setting behind them. Maud looks at Pinkie and smiles, while Mudbriar looks blankly at Pinkie.]

“Technically?! You’re right!”

Those are the facts of the episode. If Maud is such a popular character, why do so many fans have a bad reaction to Mudbriar? Is the episode wrong in portraying them as the same?

For starters, I think it’s notable that Mudbriar was not initially a sympathetic character in this episode. His first appearance has him severely aggravating Pinkie Pie, and the audience can easily sympathize with her. It’s a clever bit of writing that gives the audience the same exact struggle as Pinkie throughout the episode. The trouble is that many fans don’t feel satisfied by the end, and they can’t embrace Mudbriar the way Pinkie does.

Let’s take a look at Mudbriar’s behavior. Unlike Maud, he has a habit of correcting people over any little technicality. He brings the conversation to a halt when someone speaks with any ambiguity or inaccuracy, even something mundane that most would overlook as a normal and expected part of conversation. In fact, it seems to be his primary mode of communication. Like Maud, he doesn’t follow the typical rules of social interaction, which can make his conversations awkward and unpleasant.

Mudbriar’s behavior can be particularly off-putting to anyone who has experienced something like it. People who engage with internet communities have probably seen their fair share of pedantry-- an obsession with details that's frustrating to anyone trying to carry on a genuine conversation. I’ve seen Mudbriar’s behavior compared to “mansplaining” and Sheldon Cooper from the Big Bang Theory, a character often cited as poor autistic representation (I can’t comment on this since I haven’t seen the show). The neurodivergent audience might not appreciate seeing an autistic character portrayed as annoying and abrasive, since that’s not how autistic people want to be seen.

[ID: Mudbriar and Pinkie Pie are standing in Pinkie’s party cave, with piles and shelves of party supplies in the background. Pinkie aggressively pushes her snout in Mudbriar’s face and scowls at him. Mudbriar looks down at her with a slight grimace.]

Mudbriar isn’t easy to get along with.

I’ve been very careful to avoid describing Mudbriar’s behavior as arrogant or rude, as it might initially seem. There’s a reason for this: Mudbriar is well-intentioned and never does anything mean. Despite the way his correction habit might come across, he never says anything to imply that he thinks he’s superior. He doesn’t look down on anypony. He genuinely tries to be helpful. He never even reveals any dislike for Pinkie Pie. Whether you would describe him as polite or rude is pretty subjective, but you’d be hard-pressed to find any real evidence that he’s condescending. Watch the episode again with this in mind, and you may find that Mudbriar is a much more pleasant character than you thought.

It’s pretty clear that his conversational habit has nothing to do with a sense of superiority. It could be better described as a simple quirk. He might genuinely have difficulty reading ambiguity in conversation, so he needs to find clarity before proceeding. It’s unfortunate that this quirk makes him come across as unpleasant, not only to neurotypical people, but also to other neurodivergent people who can’t vibe with this style of communication. But at least he found somepony who understands.

[ID: Maud and Mudbriar are standing outside in the daytime. Maud smiles at Mudbriar, who is talking happily with his eyes closed.]

Maud has no issue with Mudbriar’s constant corrections. In fact, they’re happiest when correcting each other.

So what does this say about his autistic rep? Well, every autistic person will feel differently. We certainly won’t all be able to relate to Mudbriar’s specific portrayal. But I’m sure a lot of autistic people can relate to being misunderstood for the way we talk or emote, for people reading extra meaning into our manner of communication that just isn’t there. I won’t say MLP:FIM is the most progressive show when it comes to autistic rep; there’s plenty to be said about its neurotypical perspective, consistently treating its autistic characters as a narrative “other”. But there’s plenty to appreciate as well.

This is the message I took away from this episode: at times in your life, you’re always going to meet someone with an experience you can’t quite understand or relate to. You may even be unable to get along with them for whatever reason, and that’s fine. Just give them a fair chance to be themselves without assuming the worst. This is a message I’ve taken with me everywhere, not just for neurodivergence, but for every way that people can be different from one another.

Is this the message that the episode writers intended? It’s hard to say. Pinkie Pie gets a lesson from her sisters about how people can be like geodes, and where Pinkie only sees a crusty exterior, Maud might see a glittering gem. It could be as simple as that. And you could argue that the writers failed to endear the audience to Mudbriar by the end. If they did, would that serve the message better or undermine it?

The Maud Couple can be a challenging episode to enjoy, but I like a good challenge, and I ended up enjoying it more once I took the time to think about it. And if you’ve read this far, I’m hoping that even if you can’t enjoy Mudbriar that much, you can at least appreciate what he stands for.

[ID: Pinkie Pie and Mudbriar are standing over a table in Ponyville. There’s a log wrapped up in gift wrap between them. They are smiling and shaking hooves with each other.]

#my little pony #pinkie pie #maud pie #mudbriar #autism

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andillshowyouwhocanttimetravel · 3 years

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I know I don’t really have that many followers, but could use some support from other neurodivergent people rn.

So I don’t have an autism diagnoses, I can identify with a lot of symptoms adult women with autism describe, but have no therapist right now to discuss any of this with.

My current diagnoses is OCD, which could be perfectly correct idk. I have bad social anxiety, depression, the works. This post is mostly about how my social anxiety interacts with my OCD.

TL;DR: My ‘boss’ who is barely my even boss, told me he ‘understands’ that I’m uncomfortable but I need to ‘face my fears’ because my anxiety caused a problem. So I had a panic attack, cried in front of him, couldn’t look at anyone for the rest of the night.

I started a new, very demanding, intense job in the middle of a global pandemic. I made a lot of progress in the past few months, pushing through with difficult people, rambling less, adapting to how certain people want to be spoken to. It’s been a lot of work but was really rewarding, becuase people see my overthinking/discomfort as a genuine effort to make their jobs easier, even if I’m awkward at times.

HOWEVER, I think most of the crew doesn’t see me as neurodivergent, just “awkward” “quirky” and my tics are “cute” or “charming” or other things that prove I mask VERY VERY VERY well.

One of my catchphrases is “Oh? You were doing a bit?”

I ask very genuinely, becuase I’m not good at knowing when people are joking or being sarcastic. This makes people laugh and I’m totally fine with that becuase it’s all in good spirits and I know they like me and I’m good at my job.

And while I guess I’m glad they think I’m ‘normal’ it means they have NO GODDAMN idea how much it tears me up inside when I say the wrong thing, or someone is passive agressive to me, or rude in passing. Because it feels like my fault. I didn’t just do something wrong, I am wrong, and bad, and stupid, and bad and bad and wrong and stupid and bad.

And I have to have this spiral about 8 times a day without anyone knowing, or letting it affect the way I talk to anyone else.

SO with that as the background, here’s what happened to me last night.

I work on a TV show. I have very little interaction with the actors, which I am very very happy with, because the social code of talking to the cast is a whole minefield I like to avoid anyway. They have specific people from my department that take care of them and it’s not me and that’s great. I’m new to this industry so I just want to stay in my lane.

But on fridays, I’m in charge of running this fun game. (“selling cards” if anyone’s done this before) It’s kind of like a raffle, I have a deck of cards and ‘sell’ each card for $20, and at the end of the night, someone (separate from the game wholly) pulls the ‘winning’ cards from a fresh deck of cards and those people take home all the money accumulated.

Every week people are excited to play but lately 1 or 2 people have told me I have to ask the cast to play too. (sometimes the cast add extra money to the pool and buy cards for other departments) But I am WAY too uncomfortable to talk to the cast while they’re working. On the few occasions I’ve had to get their attention just to say “They’re ready for you on set” have been WAAAY anxiety inducing.

So I’m not comfortable asking them to buy cards, and I’ve asked for help with this (from their assistants or Cast PAs) but since the game is my responsibilty to run, they never ask cast for me. So I don’t get any money from cast, which I could not care less about.

And this game is just some extra (meant to be) fun thing, it’s NOT part of my actual work responsibilties and is totally superfluous to the rest of what I do on set.

So the fact that it weighs so much on my mind is already a problem for me.

But last night EVERYONE was so insistent I talk to cast, but I never had a good opportunity since I was so busy, so I did what I belived was sensible; I picked the actor I was most comfortable talking to, waited until he was done working, and asked him before he went home. I had to kind of re-explain the game but he was really nice and bought some and I thought it went really well. The whole interaction took about 2 minutes.

Here I was patting myself on the back for having a good interaction I was anxious to have, and then my ‘boss’ (who has the same position as me but just kind of makes the calls for all the PAs) pulled me aside and got really serious, and said I held everyone up, by talking to the cast when he was already wrapped for the night.

He lectured me for like 5 minutes about how he ‘understands’ that I get anxious but I just needed to get over it, because the way I did it was inconvenient. And he JUST KEPT LECTURING ME in a way that was sooooooo self serving and even though I went from ‘sweating but pretty okay’ to absolute ‘nonverbal, no eye contact, heart pounding, can’t breathe, pushing tears back” meltdown right in front of him, he would not let me walk away and just kept repeating himself, probably trying to make himself feel like less of an asshole.

And it was just this slap in the face, reminding me that even when I approach a task from a level that I’m comfortable with, making my own accomadations for my disability or whatever, I am still less than, because a neurotypical person could have just done it better and without all the extra effort.

So I’m stuck in this OCD shame spiral, I’m bad and wrong and I did something wrong and bad and so I’m wrong and bad and I’m just like this and I lose either way I try things.

I don’t want to go back to work on Monday, I don’t like that he knows how easily he can make me cry, and that I can’t just walk away from him when he makes me cry becaus he has like 8% more authority than I do.

I don’t want to be like this anymore, I love this job but it is not conducive or very accessable to neurodivergent people. This isn’t emotionally sustainable for me and I’m not sure what my next move is.

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