#disabilities and other lived experiences of his students
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I've noticed a pattern in anticapitalist books I read (specifically I'm talking abt Mark Fisher here, in Capitalist Realism). They do this great anticapitalist analysis etc and then go on to critique their students? and sometimes it's a bit ableist? it's like all the critical thought goes out of the window and they cannot understand the situation because for once suddenly they are in the authoritative position. It always gives me this "I don't understand these kids, back in my day-" vibe, and I see this with lecturers at university too. like Mark Fisher maybe we can think outside the box about your student who "needs" headphones to focus in class "even though no music is playing". and maybe it's not to do with the "Matrix"(????) I'm well aware this was written in 2008 but it's weird that I see this pattern continue today. Not to mention Mark Fisher took part in some ableist studies, and was a guy with questionable intentions on occasion.
it's like you Just said that reducing labour is good why are you calling your students lazy, that's so unprofessional and privileged. I wonder of coincidence that he is anti-meds when his right wing, pro-eugenics, accelerationist friend was addicted to amphetamines.
Or even just the amount of people who have written books about laziness and anticapitalism (excluding you) and just saying the most contradictory shit ever?? or not following their own ideology???
Anyway, I wonder if, when writing Laziness Does Not Exist, you came across any of this and were equally as baffled.
Materialism is just *so* true that high-status academics don't have a vested class interest in seeing their student struggles as legitimate or in recognizing the struggles of disabled people in general. For many edgy academic leftists having the correct opinions is just a way to flex one's intellectual status, not a lived experience they give a shit about. I'm not shitting Fisher in particular in saying this, it's more that it's a really widespread problem in the culture of these kinds of (very white, very academic, very cishet) leftists communities. You see the same kind of thing among some of the Chapo stan types, too, you don't have to be specifically an academic to do it -- lots of people throwing around the r-slur and flexing on how much they have read and doing fuck all for the oppressed people around them. I tend to find it especially common among people who inherited leftism from their (often academic) parents? Whereas leftist communities populated by Black & brown anarchists and working class people tend to fare a lot better in this particular respect.
Note that I'm not saying a person's identities are a guarantee of them being any more radical -- there's lots of liberals lurking in our midsts of all identities for instance -- more that someone's orientation toward power tells you a lot. and unfortunately there is an approach to leftism that puts a lot of stock in either institutional power via the academy, or in a kind of soft power of intellectual authoritativeness that tends to punish anyone who is supposedly less well read, less intelligent, lazy, needs disability accommodations, has trauma triggers, or what have you.
The simple answer is that power and privilege obscures other people's challenges from you, and the desire to preserve one's power (be it actually institutional academic authority or just the status of the person who supposedly knows the most in the room) leads to a lot of oppressive behavior. a lot of these guys that you're talking about believe in communism sincerely but they don't have humility, they believe themselves to be superior to most everyone else. and they tend to be white guys from wealthy families who either do not have any disabilities of their own, or they have the undiagnosed intj mastermind rational flavor of autism that makes you feel incredibly alienated from others but interpret that alienation as a sign of your intellectual superiority. (i had this type but i got better. a little)
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Every September, my friend Marc Hong, a professor at Louisville Seminary, hosts Psalmtember. He invites you to join in, too!
Think "Inktober," but in September and with a spiritual focus — and with any art form welcome, from drawing to poetry to photography and beyond. There's also no pressure to create something for every day — do as many or as few as you like.
Here's Marc's description of this artistic event:
Each year, I love to spend a month making art inspired by the Psalms. There are 30 days in September, meaning that I can evenly divide up the 150 Psalms into 5 sets of 30. So, if I do this for 5 years, I will have made art with all of the Psalms.
Join me! The prompt list is in the image [as well as below the readmore]. But other words may stand out to you! Or you may try to make art that represents the wholeness of the Psalm.
I encourage you to read the text of the whole Psalm each day, consider what emotions it stirs up in you, choose a medium that speaks to you, and make some art! Folks have painted, used ink, drawn with colored pencils, taken photographs, written haikus, and much more. Choose what stirs delight in you!
Tag your post with #psalmtember2023 so we can celebrate the Psalms through art together!
Marc and many others post on Facebook, but I'll be paying attention to the tag here on tumblr. If you create anything you'd like me to share on Facebook on your behalf, DM me.
PSALMTEMBER 2023 PROMPT LIST
SEPT 1 - Psalm 31 - Refuge
SEPT 2 - Psalm 32 - Waters
SEPT 3 - Psalm 33 - Breath
SEPT 4 - Psalm 34 - Radiant
SEPT 5 - Psalm 35 - Net
SEPT 6 - Psalm 36 - Mountains
SEPT 7 - Psalm 37 - Smoke
SEPT 8 - Psalm 38 - Burden
SEPT 9 - Psalm 39 - Burned
SEPT 10 - Psalm 40 - Bog
SEPT 11 - Psalm 41 - Rise
SEPT 12 - Psalm 42 - Deer
SEPT 13 - Psalm 43 - Altar
SEPT 14 - Psalm 44 - Dust
SEPT 15 - Psalm 45 - Robes
SEPT 16 - Psalm 46 - River
SEPT 17 - Psalm 47 - Throne
SEPT 18 - Psalm 48 - City
SEPT 19 - Psalm 49 - Graves
SEPT 20 - Psalm 50 - Tempest
SEPT 21 - Psalm 51 - Clean
SEPT 22 - Psalm 52 - Uproot
SEPT 23 - Psalm 53 - Bones
SEPT 24 - Psalm 54 - Upholder
SEPT 25 - Psalm 55 - Dove
SEPT 26 - Psalm 56 - Bottle
SEPT 27 - Psalm 57 - Shadow
SEPT 28 - Psalm 58 - Snail
SEPT 29 - Psalm 59 - Dogs
SEPT 30 - Psalm 60 - Cracks
#i'm sure i won't be creating art for most days#but i love to read along in the Psalms as the days go by#and to see what everyone else creates!#psalmtember#psalmtember2023#psalms#Marc's super cool btw. one of my fave professors from seminary -- actively queer affirming & seeks to accomodate#disabilities and other lived experiences of his students
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Proseka headcanons
-as rui’s childhood friend, nene has extensive fire safety knowledge
-shizuku is adopted, hence why she looks so different from shiho. she was adopted shortly before the moon rabbit event and it contributed to her clinginess
-shiho forgets this fact sometimes. she’ll casually mention something like shizuku got all mom’s good genes so unfair and ichika has to be. um. shiho
-kanade is mildly nearsighted/myopic but spends so much time at her computer she hasn’t noticed
-emu is buff. she climbs multiple stories without breaking a sweat and is canonically part of the swimming, handball and rhythmic gymnastic clubs, you can’t tell me she doesn’t have some muscle
-saki helps out as a human notepad for tsukasa, reminding of him things he would otherwise forget within 5 minutes
-the vocaloids also help. at first it was unnerving to have hatsune miku be an extension of his psyche that knows his darkest secret (stole saki’s candy when he was 6) but now his phone has a more reliable catgirl themed reminder system
-you know that classic nightmare of leaving the house without pants? tsukasa has legitimately done that as a kid. he forgor. (saki will never let him live it down)
-in the kamiyama student council/hall monitor room, an has put up at sign saying “_ days since last kamishiro incident”
-the shinonome siblings both figured out the other one was gay before they figured it out about themselves
-airi’s great at trivia from her time as a variety show star. she still can’t beat minori at idol trivia, though
-ena keeps a diary with fort knox level security. try to read it and you’ll lose a finger
-saki learned to crochet from the old ladies in the hospital
-shiho’s most treasured phenny is a somewhat lumpy crocheted phenny holding a very lumpy crocheted bass guitar
-tsukasa snores. he falls asleep in 10 seconds and sounds like a dying lawnmower
-mizuki has learned a small bit of french from their sister and uses it exclusively to teach rui and an how to swear in french
-emu still celebrates her grandfather’s birthday, even if he’s not there to celebrate with her
-ena is allergic to dogs, the middle point to airi’s cat allergy and akito’s dog phobia
-rui has various small scars from his experiments over the years, but nobody ever believes the real causes (rocket launcher, robot bite, exploding balloon animal, etc.) so he just makes up a new cause every time someone asks
-mmj! has had repeated incidents of minori and airi’s little siblings walking into frame when streaming at their houses. shiho understands the concept of a livestream but has still been caught failing at creeping past like that one new broadcast of the guy crawling along the floor
-kanade has pots & eds, this one I have a reason for look at her symptoms. chronic exhaustion, heat and cold intolerance, comorbid sleep issues and depression, dizziness when standing up, fainting after standing up, very pale skin, family history of medical issues, pain at normal physical activities, exercise intolerance, vertigo at mild exertion, she just fucking dies during the entire baseball event, I could go on. she canonically gets pain in her hands from opening a jar girl that is not just being out of shape that is physical disability. this one I will go conspiracy board on listen to me I’m right
-kohane ate bugs as a kid. an is horrified, toya is confused, akito is impressed
-ena and airi got in trouble in middle school because they’d keep starting fist fights in defense of the others honor. if they saw the other in a fight they’d jump in guns blazing no hesitation no questions ask ready to throw the fuck down
-vbs!rin and len were given a skateboard by an and then promptly had the skateboard confiscated by meiko for property destruction
-haruka is horrible with slang. she asks the stream chat what poggers means and immediately uses it completely wrong, killing all viewers on impact
-minori is torn between thinking it’s cute and wanting to die
-toya has been banned from arcades before because he made them lose too much money/they suspected he was cheating
-ena brought kanade over for girls night and nearly scared akito half to death because he went down to get a late night snack and there was some Ghastly Creature looming in his kitchen
-kohane's parents stick out like a sore thumb when going to her live shows. it mortifies her that everyone on vivid street can recognize them as the only milquetoast middle aged couple dressed in normal clothes loudly going YOU'RE DOING GREAT SWEETIE that don't know the first thing about music
-minori knows basic programming. she mostly uses it for forums, blogs, html, other web design things usually related to idols as a hobby, but she's become the groups designated anti-shizuku tech support
-mafuyu has always been able to see ghosts but after adults figured she was just playing pretend as a kid so she shrugged and figured it was normal and not worth bringing up again
-honami has one of those massive extended families and somehow keeps track of them all. at any given time cousin #57 can crawl out of the woodwork and she remembers their new job, favorite food, past three romantic relationships and list of allergic reactions
-mizuki does doll customizing as a hobby. they prefer making human sized clothes, but it's fun to make them miniature too. they've introduced shizuku to it and she loves it, but doesn't have the heart to do anything that would hurt the doll (sawing limbs off, dunking them in boiling water, shoving wires in them, etc.)
#illia original#project sekai#proseka#headcanon#headcanons#project sekai colorful stage#rui kamishiro#nene kusanagi#shizuku hinomori#shiho hinomori#saki tenma#tsukasa tenma#emu otori#an shiraishi#ena shinonome#akito shinonome#airi momoi#haruka kiritani#minori hanasato#mafuyu asahina#mizuki akiyama#honami mochizuki#kohane azusawa#toya aoyagi#ichika hoshino
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A bunch of my monster high redesigns💀💀💀!! mostly g1-inspired
pt. 1
there were so many things I wanted to write about them but I couldn’t (im still working on it, text and pics may be edited later, there may also be mistypes)
FRANKIE!!!⚡️
even though frankie is basically the result of her father’s experiment, she doesn’t like being referred as an object and tries living her life as a normal ghoul. frankie was made to be a perfect humanoid student. though she actually isn’t perfect and constantly struggles with social adaptation issues and some of her studies (such as swimming and other disciplines that require contact with liquids), frankie also sometimes confronts other students who demonstrate their disrespect to her for being “too good” and beloved by many teachers so that she wouldn’t give others a chance to shine bright (even though that’s not 100% true). oh, and for being “just a rag doll”. however, that doesn’t stop fran from being herself. she eventually learned to ignore the bullies and even managed to become friends with a bunch of meanies thanks to her lack of social adaptation evolving into pure ghoul simplicity and kindness. as well as that, frankie sometimes shows signs of overprotection not realizing that it potentially may cause problems or may be simply annoying. loves stem subjects, handicraft, helping others sincerely and obscure media no one talks about
note: frankie herself rarely uses they/them pronouns, they’re mostly used in reports of frankenstein and his wife and official documents. frankie is ok with it unless she’s referred as “it”. that’s just how she feels
DRACULAURA!!!🦇
a little bat crybaby aristocrat who sometimes faces disrespect from others for being a human-born vampire. it’s not like a sin or something, just teens being assholes to each other. she’s mostly seen with frankie and clawdeen or clawd wolf, drac’s boyfriend. draculaura becomes very anxious when she’s not with her friends. she and clawdeen founded a club for “hermit” or “rejected” monsters (they haven’t decided on the name yet) but they were the only permanent members until they met frankie who not only became a part of the club herself but also helped to bring new monsters and even friends, which is quite ironic. draculaura is a vegetarian and her current eating habits presumably developed from the illness which almost killed her before turning into a vampire. well, more like they were caused not by the illness itself but by the cause of this disease. kinda theatre kid. loves romantic stuff, gothic lolita fashion, sweets and writing her own novels which she rarely shows to others
note: later I remembered vampires don’t tolerate crosses but I really love it how they turned out so maybe there would be unholy unconsecrated crosses which do not affect them?? they’re not demonic, they just can be used as accessories by vampires. yeah that’s it. im yet to figure it all out
CLAWDEEN!!!🌖
a sassy werewolf who appreciates fashion, art and also designs her own clothes. clawdeen is a fashionista who dreams of becoming a popular model and designer. but she’s not a typical high school hyperfeminine diva girl, she really loves sports and she may act like a tomboy. clawdeen’s biggest flaw that makes her different from other werewolves is her inability to fully transform into a wolf at her age which is seen as some kind of rare disability. clawdeen doesn’t like talking about it and rarely hangs out with other werewolves except her siblings. as an extremely loyal ghoul, she also seems to have some traumatic experience in romance. that may explain why she tends to avoid romantic interactions and looks seemingly anxious when she witnesses them or when someone flirts with her. clawdeen is secretly envy for some of her friends and elder brother being happy in relationships but she can’t do anything about it. who knows, maybe she’ll find her happiness one someday. loves fashion, art, grunge music and true crime documentaries
#monster high#mh#frankie stein#draculaura#clawdeen wolf#redesign#fanart#fan art#monster high redesign#character design#artist on tumblr
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so i read the hp lovecraft short stories that the film ‘re-animator’ was based on (internet archive link) and the answer is yes, the source material is openly and deliberately racist, and it is not coincidental or accidental that the film so clearly recalls the history of american medical schools obtaining human cadavers through various deeply unethical means, esp the bodies of enslaved black people in the south. the lovecraft stories were serialised in the magazine ‘home brew’ in 1921–22 and are neither very long nor very good, but a few points of interest stood out to me:
both wikipedia and the encyclopedia britannica attribute the ‘modern’ zombie largely to george romero’s 1960s films; in ‘the undead eighteenth century’, linda troost suggested only that zombies appeared in literature as early as 1967 and were described as spirits or ghosts, not cannibalistic monsters. however, although lovecraft never uses the word “zombie” in “herbert west—reanimator”, i think it is fair to draw a clear connection from the haitian mythology to his story of reanimated, violent, cannibalistic bodies. because lovecraft was simultaneously satirising and paying tribute to “frankenstein”, the anxieties in the stories centre around the narrator’s discomfort with west’s materialist view of life, his fanatical devotion to scientific experiment, and the idea that living matter is only distinguished by accidents of matter and function, rather than by the operation of a divinely given soul. thus, when the narrator describes the outcomes of his and west’s experiments as “unthinkable automata” (30) we ought to understand this as a relatively early (again, these stories ran between 1921 and 22) example of american literature invoking the haitian zombie to work out a strikingly different set of social anxieties than enslaved africans in haiti did. in lovecraft’s stories, then, the medical students’ literal reanimations of stolen (sometimes murdered) bodies are almost themselves symbolic of lovecraft’s own deployment of the zombie myth, transposed into the context of debates about materialism, vitalism, and the nature of life and consciousness.
speaking of the cannibalism, yes, it is racialised. although the re-animated bodies exist largely out of view of either the narrator or west, and thus we cannot say for sure what they are or aren’t eating, the confirmed act of cannibalism is specifically attributed to a black re-animated man described as “gorilla-like ... [with] a face that conjured up thoughts of unspeakable congo secrets and tom-tom poundings under an eerie moon” (14) and later “a glassy-eyed, ink-black apparition nearly on all fours, covered with bits of mould, leaves, and vines, foul with caked blood” (16–17). this is the scene in which he is discovered eating a white infant: “a snow-white, terrible, cylindrical object terminating in a tiny hand” (17). he is consistently referred to as “cannibalistic” throughout the rest of the story, emphasised to be violent and dangerous. he, along with the other re-animated people, eventually joins a kind of re-animated army led by west’s own former army (wwi) commander, who is now headless (also re-animated); this ‘army’ eventually kills west. thus, west’s body-snatching and literal possession of the stolen bodies are flipped around, as the bodies develop allegiance to one another and then invert west’s violence against them: where he forced them to live again, they directly cause him to die. because this is lovecraft, though, the re-animated bodies existing and developing agency is the central horror of the story, even despite the unflattering portrayal of west; this is actually translated pretty accurately into the film sequel ‘bride of re-animator’ as a scene in which their version of the undead ‘army’ rampages through west’s backyard/cemetery, and we are treated to extensive shots of the bodies writhing, spasming, and seizing, in ways that simultaneously telegraph disability and (what is framed as) terrifying strength.
there are at least flashes throughout the stories of racialisation of the re-animated bodies occurring precisely on the grounds of having been re-animated: for example, of an early (white) re-animation experiment, the narrator reports that it was “like a malformed ape”, and lovecraft writes:
“For it had been a man. This much was clear despite the nauseous eyes, the voiceless simianism, and the daemoniac savagery” (11). thus, the fact of having been re-animated is itself what gives this white body its simian / ape-like qualities—descriptions which are of course racialised in american literature in general, and specifically in this series (see above).
in connection with lovecraft’s racism, the stories frequently engage in generalised physiognomical efforts to read a person’s moral character and personality from their physical appearance. this includes overtly racialised traits (west is described as blond and blue-eyed numerous times, an appearance that hides his "diabolical” machinations and “fanaticism” [7, 18], and contrasts to both his morbid fascinations [3] and to a “brawny young workman” with brown hair whom he re-animates [5]). there is also a link raised multiple times between nervous sensitivity and physical strength: one specimen is “a man at once physically powerful and of such high mentality that a sensitive nervous system was assured”, and west seeks out specifically “men of especially sensitive brain and especially vigorous physique” (25, 27).
although lovecraft’s stories are hardly making any manner of radical critique, they also contain flashes of tacit admission that west’s experiments, although cosmetically off-putting to the medical establishment, are not in fact diverging in deeper ways from ‘normal’ functioning of these institutions. for example, in the first installment, as the narrator and west attempt to secure a supply of fresh corpses from christchurch cemetery, the narrator notes that “we found that the college had first choice in every case” (4), a remark that for the modern reader alludes to the true and extensive history of american medical schools and anthropology departments purchasing or simply snatching cadavers and anatomical specimens (in recent years there have been a few high-profile cases of attempts at repatriation of skull and other collections). later, when re-animating buck robinson, the aforementioned black man, the narrator notes that “our prize ... was wholly unresponsive to every solution we injected in its black arm; solutions prepared from experience with white specimens only” (15). this remark has two major implications: one, lovecraft’s narrator is endorsing a view of physiology that assumes black and white bodies function essentially differently, ie that the white and black ‘races’ are intrinsically and undeniably biologically different to one another (this viewpoint is never challenged or questioned throughout the text); two, that lovecraft specifically portrayed medical students who experimented on white bodies, an echo of the medical schools’ focus on white patients and white health, with black bodies treated as more disposable, black patients as less valuable, and the entire medical endeavour aimed toward the preservation of wealthy white people and plantation owners (nb: west worked out of boston).
although the films and the stories both take a somewhat whimsical tone toward their subject matter, i found it hard to engage with the films on a genuinely comedic level largely because these elements of the lovecraft stories are still present. i do think the concept here (white medical students body-stealing, and forcing a partial and torturous version of ‘life’ upon those bodies) has quite a bit of potential as a horror premise; unfortunately, both lovecraft and the filmmakers approach this subject matter in ways that attempt to mine comedy and horror from it without thinking through the larger historical context they are clearly and explicitly invoking, and as a result the whole thing falls flat for me.
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My Favorite Manga in 2023: Part 2
Like in part 1 I will skip the titles I already covered in previous roundups.
女の園の星 (Onna no Sono no Hoshi), Yama Wayama
初恋、ざらり (Hatsukoi, Zarari), Zaku Zakuro
うちのクラスの女子がヤバい (Uchi no Class no Joshi ga Yabai), Seiko Erisawa [Ichi-nen Ichi-gumi omnibus edition]
インターネット・ラヴ! (Internet Love!), Kiko Urino
レイニー通りの虹 (Rainy Doori no Niji), Keiko Fukuyama
葬送のフリーレン (Frieren: Beyond Journey's End), Kanehito Yamada & Tsukasa Abe
Yama Wayama appears to be on a continuous upwards trajectory as the manga comedienne of the reiwa era which I got to confirm for myself with the hit Onna no Sono no Hoshi. The episodic comedy about a teacher daily terrorized by his students and coworker. And with the scanlation well on its way I just want to say please experience it for yourself.
Uchi no Class no Joshi ga Yabai I had eyed ever since I started learning Japanese and the new omnibus that coincided with the ongoing sequel series gave me a great reason to finally pick it up. Box of Light by the same author was on my list last year and I not only liked the premise of it but also loved the anthology format of the story. For similar reason I really liked Uchi no Class: In the world of the series high school aged girls may experience the activation of powers.... that are completely useless and troublesome. We follow the students of year one class one, a class infamous for always having the highest concentration of useless powers. Dreams projected into the sky, X-ray vision that turn everyone around you into terrifying anatomy models is only the tip of the iceberg.
I can't resist a gimmick premise done successfully and the variation of characters and powers kept the premise fresh like older characters who haven't yet "grown out" of their powers or a trans girl storyline.
Hatsukoi, Zarari follows the young woman Arisa diagnosed with a light intellectual disability and autism. Living between jobs and having a hard time turning down men who only want to have sex she has always struggled with her own self worth. This is until she falls in love with an older coworker who is charmed by her personality and quirks. But will things change if she opens up about her diagnoses?
Zaku Zakuro has made manga and shared online about living with ADHD and asperger syndrome, giving this story a very personal and different perspective focusing especially on how stigma around developmental disabilities can be what causes the most friction and pain.
Internet Love! is a love story for the social media age with a budding romance that goes across borders. Bisexual nail artist Tenma has for years been a fan of a completely ordinary man from Korea named Uno who appears to be addicted to posting his life on instagram, daily filling up his story until the posts are lined up like dots. Thinking he held nothing but a healthy distance of "standom" for Uno, but he instead hits rock bottom when his insta favorite posts a girlfriend reveal. Tenma no longer able to bring himself to open the daily insta stories sinks into a depression, but Uno takes note that a certain someone stopped checking up on him...
I was instantly charmed by this and was especially taken by how their clumsy attempts at communication without being able to speak each others language or no lingua franca was portrayed and the personal styles and fashions of the characters I just adored the whole thing.
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hi. this is probably going to be a long ask, but i don’t do discourse on my public blog and i want this to be somewhere relevant and visible
i am an autistic bipolar trans man with scizophrenia symptoms. i have had, and still struggle with: very unpleasant intrusive thoughts that are sexual or violent, maladaptive daydreams, delusions, and pathological lying. i’ve encountered transid identities before, but i didn’t know about the radqueer “community.” i also want to add that i’m a psychology student and aim to be non-judgmental under any circumstances relating to mental health.
it seems to me like a lot of people who identify as radqueer are just kids or young adults who are still learning about themselves, their identities and their mental health
i’ve read a lot of posts from transtrauma folks, and my initial impression is that a lot of them are attention starved and need validation in their outside lives, or have minor or complex traumas that they don’t realise are valid due to them not being one recognised traumatic event. you don’t need to have gone through something completely life-ruining to deserve sympathy, nor do you need to be mentally ill.
the same applies to transabled identities as well - i know from my own experience as a person with a chronic illness that affects my physical ability, but i don’t identify as physically disabled - that the disabled and cripplepunk communities are full of love and acceptance, and it seems like a lot of radqueers are seeking that same acceptance.
i saw a coining post for the term “transvegan” - one who wants to be vegan, identifies as vegan, but isn’t vegan right now due to life circumstances. and the way i see it is that these people have discovered queer identities as a way to label themselves, eg “i feel this way because i am lesbian”, and as a result have chosen to label all their personality traits as queer identities. you don’t have to call yourself transvegan! you can say “i’m not vegan right now because that’s not feasible for me but i agree with their ideas and advocacy,” and that’s okay. most decent vegans will respect you for that anyways.
before i knew about my bipolar disorder, i thought i might be a system - so guess what, i tried it out for a few days, using tools like pluralkit and a system tracker. it turned out that it wasn’t an experience i shared, but that was okay. at the time, i did want to be a system as that would help me understand why i was the way i was - but after i realised i wasn’t, i kept going and eventually got my bipolar diagnosis that has brought me a lot of comfort.
i relate to the feeling of wanting to have a severe, labelable trauma as well. i was desperate for a reason why i was struggling and mentally ill even though nothing “big” and “horrible” had happened to me.
transracial identities seem to stem from a similar thing imo - i love japanese folklore and history, and actively do research into it in my free time. i enjoy hearing accounts from japanese people about their personal experiences with their mythology, and while i don’t want to live in japan, i think other people like me might. if the radqueer community had existed when i was a young teenager, i might even have identified as transjapanese. however, it seems to me like trace identities stem from misattributing an interest (and again, a specific desire for respect and inclusion from those with a culture they’re interested in) to wanting to be their specific race.
i identify as asexual, and don’t relate to any feelings of attraction, nevermind paraphilias, but i do have intrusive thoughts, and dealing with that has taught me the attitude that your thoughts are not your fault. i love and respect people with paraphilias, even the “weird” ones, but the important part is understanding that if your actions due to your attraction could harm others, like children and animals, it’s your responsibility not to act on those thoughts. whether you want to seek therapy and try and stop having them is a personal choice and up to you, but you cannot refuse the responsibility not to harm others.
if you want to think or write about societally unacceptable scenarios such as grooming or rape, you can - thoughtcrime isn’t real and censorship is a slippery slope - and if the point of your work is not to condone or encourage that kind of thing, and you are clear and do not make people read it if they don’t want to, it does no harm.
unfortunately, that ties in to the other part of the radqueer community who have harmful opinions, like ableism, racism, and pedophila, who simply use the guise of “queerness” to try and get away with it. at its core, queerness is about playing with gender norms and identity, and how you are perceived by society; not “having sex with someone you aren’t “supposed” to be having sex with,” or “having views not agreed with by current society.”
animals and children cannot consent. period. it is not about knowing what sex is, it is about understanding the meaning and gravity of what you are doing, and to take advantage of someone or something that doesn’t is inherently violating. if you think any actions that cause harm to others, sexually or violently, are normal or justifiable then you are not a good person. you are not respectable.
i can’t speak on racism in the radqueer circle and the concept of winterqueer because i don’t know enough, but i can tell you now that the queer and punk communities do not accept racism, and that it goes against the core of who we are. you are not and will not be part of us.
i also think there’s something to be said about how transid views trans people as not truly what they are. if i fully physically transitioned, i wouldn’t stop being transgender, but it feels like a lot of transid identities are only defined by the wanting of, not the being. a trans man is not a woman who wants to be a man. he is a man who at some point used to be viewed as female, and no longer feels that way.
(not adressing anyone on this blog, just things i have seen) i think my point was that the argument of “these people will never be accepted by society” does more harm than it does good - i don’t think their beliefs are normal or will be accepted, but by arguing that the people themselves will never be accepted when they are in the community in the first place because they want to be respected and seen only serves to push them back into the circle of people who genuinely desire harm.
on a similar note, harrasment and death threats on either side are also horrible. you are not helping, you are not getting one up on them, you are just hurting people, and wasn’t the entire point of being anti-radqueer trying to prevent people hurting others?
idk. this was long and rambling, but it’s just. you can want things that are unachievable but you’ve gotta come to terms with the fact they’re unachievable. there’s a difference between “fiction is not reality” (true) and “fiction does not affect reality” (provably false). radqueerism is not as progressive as it claims to be. and there are a lot of people out there who refuse to grow or learn.
.
#anti radqueer#anti transid#anti transabled#anti transx#antiradqueer#anti transrace#anti trace#anti transautistic#anti prat#anti radshit
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hey!! feel free to ignore this but i scrolled through your blog and really liked it and if you have the spoons I'd love to get your advice/tips on trying to live sustainably while in uni/on a limited budget? I'm going to uni in a year or so and I want to try and do it as sustainably as possible but I don't have a lot of money
love your blog <3
Hi! Thanks so much for the kind words, I am super new to tumblr and fairly new to solarpunk still myself, so I really appreciate it.
I’ll level with you: most of the really aspirational choices in sustainability are pretty expensive. Buying local organic food or slow fashion can really eat into a budget. The good news is that a lot of the frugal decisions you’d make are also good for the planet. You’re not going to be going out buying expensive cars, flying in private jets or any of the other earth-wrecking things that the super-rich do. Being conscious about your spending will mean you’ll probably naturally gravitate towards getting your clothes from charity shops and other similar money-saving choices. In some cities and certain supermarkets, plant-based food will be cheaper, while in others it will be more expensive, and so for this you’ll probably need to make choices on a case by case basis, weighing up each time how much you can afford and how committed you are to a certain diet. Getting a library card is also very solarpunk - free, communally owned knowledge! As a uni student you’ll likely also have your university library as a resource, which it’s definitely worth making use of. Have a look to see if there’s a tool library/library of things in your university town, as that will not only save you money but also reduce your purchase of things you might only use once or twice. Apps like TooGoodToGo offer cheap baskets of food from local restaurants, cafes and shops which would otherwise go to waste at the end of the day, and if there’s a ‘buy nothing’ or ‘stuff for free’ Facebook group for your local area it’s worth joining it - these are really exciting anticapitalist digital spaces where people can get what they need and dispose of what they don’t without exploitative or extractive relationships.
Starting a new paragraph here for readability, and also because it’s slightly a topic change - there are things you can do to be more sustainable that are fairly cash-cheap, but time-costly. As a student you won’t always be able to devote much energy to them between your studies and your social life, but if they’re something that’s important to you and your other commitments (or any disabilities you might have) don’t prevent you, then things like mending your own clothes instead of throwing them out and replacing them can help. But these are fiddly tasks so that isn’t possible for everyone, even if they do have time! Depending on the rules of your student accommodation you could also try having certain edible houseplants - salad leaves, strawberries, herbs, etc. My success rate with these has been very patchy but it’s worth a shot and the original outlay for seeds or a small plant isn’t too much (though if you’re planting from scratch, soil can be expensive as it always seems to come in enormous great bags).
Things like batch cooking or planning communal meals with other people you’re living with can also be greener, and cheaper, if it means food can be made to go further and wasted ingredients can be avoided. Uni is a really exciting time for a solarpunk because it’s the closest to cohousing many of us get - sharing facilities and responsibilities in a close-knit community of non-related people with common goals and experiences. Use this to your advantage to form networks of mutual support.
Similar caveat about time scarcity as above, but there are also things that tend not to cost any money that will make you feel better about your own environmental contribution which you can actually do at any age if you have enough free hours. These are things like volunteering with your local conservation volunteers or in a community garden - this latter is particularly good because volunteers might get to take home some of the produce, thereby saving money and getting access to local nutritious food. Some unis even have their own food gardens and teams of students who help tend them, so get involved with this if it exists and you can.
In the same vein, almost every uni will have its own climate justice or environmental student club, and attending these meetings if your schedule allows can be a great way to meet other people within your institution who share your priorities, and who may well have more advice on frugal, sustainable living that they can offer. Pooling wisdom like this means your can all do better.
It sounds like you might have already picked your uni, but if not there are factors you can consider to help you do better in these goals when you get there, like examining the relative cost of living in different cities or investigating how eco-friendly the university is. It’s worth asking questions like what is their endowment invested in? How much research into climate change and solutions do they fund? Are their careers services still promoting fossil fuel industry jobs?
University towns are usually pretty walkable and/or bike-friendly, at least in the UK and Europe, and these modes of transport are also the cheapest and most sustainable. Plenty also have good public transport too, and buses or hireable scooters are all options (though you’d probably have to use the scooters a lot to make the expense worth it, and if you do, please don’t leave them lying in the pavement like people did when I was at uni - it blocked wheelchair access and was really annoying). Certain cities have trams, which are like catnip to solarpunks lol. Transport can get expensive but tends to still be cheaper than driving in most urban centres, though as I said your own two feet or wheels can probably get you to most of where you need to go within the local area.
Your student’s union might well also run clothing swaps or second-hand book sales, so keep an eye on that and go along when you can. There’s also nothing to be ashamed of in collecting discount codes, coupons for free products, or loyalty cards, or with working if you have the time and ability to earn while you study. The more money you save the more of those slightly costlier green decisions you can make.
What I’d say last, though, is don’t be too hard on yourself! You’re young, the world is set up to be excessively expensive and to reward you for consumptive behaviour that is the opposite of ecological values. Of course you should try your best and I’m so glad that you’re thinking of it already, but remember that you probably won’t be able to do it perfectly - that pretty much no-one can unless they have insane amounts of time and money (in which case they’re probably not the kind of person who cares about this stuff). Remember to enjoy your new independence, to hang out with your friends, to be studious and whimsical and learn about life and yourself. And remember that I’m just one person and not all my ideas will apply to you, and there’ll be other things you could do that haven’t occurred to me because of the specific experiences and biases that inform where I come from.
You probably already know which subject you’re studying, and if that’s the case then there will be ways you can examine these issues within the curriculum of most degrees (except maybe maths? But I’m willing to be proved wrong haha). But just in case you’re still picking subjects and institutions, I’ll just leave a link to a really fascinating-looking new undergrad qualification I heard about a few months ago, that I am *gutted* not to have been young enough to apply for and study! Even if it isn’t the right fit for you, perhaps you’ll know someone who it could work for. I’m assuming, possibly wrongly, that you’re in the UK based on certain dialectical cues (for instance saying uni rather than college), but feel free to ignore this if you’re elsewhere in the world, I’m just very stoked about this course!
Thanks so much for your ask, and sorry for the insanely long essay response. If you’ve managed to wade through to the end then seriously congratulations on your patience. Best of luck with your studies and with your efforts at ecological living, and I hope you carry solarpunk with you as a source of hope, comfort and action into your future. ☀️
#solarpunk#ask#hopepunk#cottagepunk#frugality#sustainability on a budget#environmentalism#student life#university#infodump
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I'd like to hear about the inaba au
Right right sorry it took me so long I was a bit sick today
Anyways- yes! Since I'm finally actually playing P4G I've built up a little more to the au! Aka. Given it some actual P4 flair
This is to say, I have the order of them being on the TV. Joker starts out with his besties, Ryuji and Ann, they're the starting trio. Ryuji's shadow is like a little kid, crying and sniffling cause he just wants people to like him,,
He's the track star, and he's been taught that it's a one persona sport. That he doesn't have to worry about his teammates, but they've come to resent him a bit for being the golden boy, and. Especially after he got arrested at the end of the last season and cost them greatly. He had been sent to get a "delivery" for his bastard dad. Turns out it was drugs, and he was accused of doping and all
He wanted to start this year fresh, but they all still hate him. He's cleared to compete since his tests never showed any signs of drugs, but. Y'know.
And then there's Ann! Her shadow, it's about how she sees herself as two faced. She hears what her classmates say. She's visibly an outsider, the rich bitch from the city. All she cares about is herself. So, she let's them believe that. But,
She's been in Inaba since elementary school! She's so sick of being the outsider when she's been there the whole time! She was there when that one kid pissed himself at graduation. She was there when their teacher threw up during an assembly. How come they still don't see her as one of them? She just, wants to belong,
Plus she's super gay for Shiho. But that's a given
So once they've got that covered, they're teaming up with the weird Horny Cat in the TV to hunt for the missing third year student. "Burger Girl", Haru Okumura. The last two to go missing died, and. They're determined to save her
Haru's little TV set is themed like a fancy restaurant. She's also from the city, her parents used to own a 5 star elite restaurant. Then, her mother died, and her dad moved them back to her mother's hometown, opening up a food truck where he experimented on American style food. Burgers, mostly
Haru sees her dad stressing over the bills sometimes. Or, crying at the little shrine they have in their small home for her mother. Haru, sees a lot of it as her own fault. Talk on the town is she's going to take over Big Bang, but. She, doesn't want to. She feels trapped in this confusing legacy.
Her shadow has this big fake smile, in half of a formal waiter outfit, the other half the cutesy Burger Girl outfit she wears daily. Her shadow is loud about what she wants. Haru meekly argues back from the floor, tears in her eyes, as her shadow screams about wanting to be free from that dumb title. "Burger Girl."
Then, Haru, she just shouts. "YOU'RE NOT ME!" It's silent. The others watch in fear as her shadow transforms, the tears finally flowing down Haru's face
They rescue Haru, and her dad crushes her in a hug when she returns. In this, all he cares for is his daughter. She joins the group, and agrees to help them find who pushed her in
Next up would be Yusuke. TV victim 2.
He and his mother live in town, where she runs an art shop that is frequently filled with children attending lessons. His mother was left disabled after her former teacher attacked her to claim her art for his own, and to protect her son from a similar fate, she now refuses to produce art herself
Yusuke. Really cares for his mom. She's given so much, and he feels he has to be good, better, to repay her for all she's given him. He's a tortured artist. He barely knows who he is, but he expects himself to be great
His little TV set is, abstract. Colours everywhere, as if Yusuke himself flung the paint around in anger. It's a sensory nightmare, and when they reach the end, it's to a blank room
Yusuke kneels there in the centre, chained to the ground by chains of clay and paint. His shadow, dressed in a torn but colorful smock, scowls down at him, paint palette in hand. Hurling insults and colour at Yusuke, about how he's a fraud, he's not meant to be an artist, he's a disappointment and a disgrace
Yusuke is silent the whole time. When he looks up and sees his classmates and the third year in the room, he's filled with. Horror almost. "This, it isn't me, I swear-"
"DONT LISTEN TO THE LITTLE FRAUD, HE'S NOTHING! HE KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT THE WORLD, OR THE TRUE PAIN OF AN ARTIST!"
"stop it, please,"
"HA! IF MOM ONLY KNEW WHAT A SHELL OF A MAN SHE WAS RAISING... MAYBE SHE WOULDVE BEEN BETTER OFF GIVING US UP TO THAT MADARAME AFTER ALL!"
"YOU'RE NOT ME, SHUT UP!"
And queue the fight, the room slowly filling with colour as they fight and such. And they drag Yusuke back home, where his mom sobs as she holds her son, she was. So terrified while he was missing,
Oh also, he has pet lobsters. They're named after famous female artists, and he insists the lobsters are soulmates. The true lesbian icons of Inaba.
Anyways next up? Their Navi! Futaba!
This one. Is my favourite idea. So, y'know how Rise is an Idol? Futaba is. Behind one of the most famous vocaloids ever. She develops the vast majority of her songs, rigs, and is responsible for keeping this Internet sensation up with the times. She even poses as this idol for interviews and such
...she's Hatsune Miku.
"wah wah but Scream she should be Alibaba because-" NO. ITS MY AU I GET TO CHOOSE THE SILLY
Anyways. Ryuji is a huge Miku fan and is excited to see the face behind his favourite idol and. He sees Futaba and. Just stares. "Dude. Hatsune Miku is a Weeb."
Futaba is, an orphan. She was living with a programmer for a while but, he got caught up in some. Allegations. And it was no longer safe for her to be around him. So, she was sent to Inaba where someone who worked with her mom owns a little coffee shop
(psst. That's Sojiro)
He doesn't have room for her and she. Is a shell of a person. Didn't go outside for years, doesn't know how to be a proper person, and. Fears no one would like her for her,
So her TV set? It's. Like diving into a computer. Wires and coding along the walls, electronica music. The further in they go, the clearer it becomes that the voice they hear singing isn't Miku, it's. Futaba. First floor sounds like Miku, last floor would just be Futaba
And her final room is a hate shrine. Torn posters of Miku, statues with the heads missing, even a computer with a bat through the screen. Shadow Futaba seethes about how she hates Miku, how she's taken everything from her, that. She'd be better off if she'd never created her. No one loves Futaba, they only love Miku.
She goes as far as to shout that, the world would be better off with just Miku, and that Futaba should just. End it. Futaba is shaking, and mumbles about how, no, no, that's not it,, that's not her-
When things simmer down, she ends up living with the Niijima's like Joker. She spends a lot of time at Sojiro's, learning about her mom, but really, he wasn't prepared for a kid at the time and. She wasn't ready for that either.
And then they'd have to do Morgana's, and. I'm glossing over that we can probably all guess how it would go
So the final TV set they have to venture into, is Makoto's. She's last. Her issues have been boiling over on the side the whole time, watching her "cousin" quickly becoming friends with people she's grown up with, and. Being left on the side once again
Her set is like an empty school. Papers on the floors, flights flickering, spray paint on the windows. But, they catch Makoto's shadow doing the spray painting somewhere inside, and it makes the team kinda. Question if, they really know her
Her shadow is like. In a science teacher getup, but. Way more punk. Black torn labcoat, wild hair, and. In her final room, faceless women dressed in very sexy getups all over her behind her desk. She openly flirts with the girls on the team too, leaving poor Makoto on the ground horrified
"no, no I'm a feminist- I'd never-"
"Ha! At night, we lie awake and Crave, we wanna pin em down and fu-"
"NO! THIS ISNT ME-"
Shadow Makoto is about how. She hates being the rule follower. She's always wanted nothing more than to break free and experience, life. Also, feeling bad about being gay. Shes got some internalized homophobia
They beat her up and take her home, and. Yeah
OKAY THIS WAS LONG WINDED BUT. INABA AU.
#makoto niijima#haru okumura#persona 5#ryuji sakamoto#persona 5 inaba au#ann takamaki#futaba sakura#yusuke kitagawa
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So... what's up with these two?
(I love recycling old pictures.png)
You may or may not have seen me draw these rats repeatedly and you may or may not care what's up with them.
Well, in case you do... buckle up, we'll be here for a while.
Just in case: very vague ableism mention. I'm cutting down on pretty much all details, but just so you know the general topic comes up at some point. Don't want to make anyone uncomfortable.
Unrelated disclaimer: words are difficult.
It's probably smart to start with a general character introduction so you get an idea of who you're dealing with.
So, Petthri.
(Shared most of this stuff about him before, now it's gathered in one place at least.)
The outgoing guy, grew up in a supportive family, always been the popular kid among peers, and later a pretty popular professor with his students (less so with some other colleagues, but hey). Very passionate about animal bioacoustics. Very hands-on when it comes to research and teaching. Infodumps a lot.
He's got his heart in the right place, but he's obviously not flawless. Has his thoughts constantly drifting in twelve different directions at once, can definitely not read the room, and has absolutely said and done things that hurt others just because he didn't think (and probably never realized). Likely to nervously laugh his way through most dangerous situations, but does manage to pull himself together and get things done if things turn really bad.
He got – at some point (precise date TBA, sometime around PoF events) – kidnapped by the Inquest because they wanted some of his research but didn't manage to sort through his mess. So they just took the entire man to the CoE and decided to keep him. Niche knowledge could always be useful after all. They were even kind enough to gift him an additional facial scar during the welcome interrogation! (The other one was a field trip accident). True hospitality.
Not sure if it's incredible optimism or naivety, but he's generally been doing alright during this whole prisoner situation. He's not locked up, they let him work on things he actually cares about (albeit not for the right cause), and overall he's had enough hope to believe he'll get out of there one day. Make the best out of the present, it'll be fine somehow.
I'm sure if you were to dig deep enough he'd find out he's actually less alright than he thinks he is. Oh well.
Let's talk about the other guy. Lahpp.
Me. I created you.
(I've said barely anything about this man on here so far bc while I could fill the 20k essay with him alone, writing about him intimidates me lol. Also in case you're ever asking yourself this, no I did not realize his name sounds like 'lab' until weeks after I created him. Unfortunate coincidence. So, anyway...)
Obedient Inquest scientist, questions but doesn't oppose orders, has been doing the same work for the better part of the last two decades. Day in, day out, getting up early and staying up late. Somewhere in the middle of the pyramid scheme, he's definitely got a bunch of heads above him but he's nowhere near the bottom end of the chain. Got his own little lab space. Enjoys music theory in the little free time he allocates. Assertive, lets people know when not to bother him, but very polite nonetheless. Has mastered the art of superficial small talk. The guy who holds open doors and pulls your chair back for you with an acted but convincing smile. Truly employee of the month material.
He's never known anything but this perfectly ordered working drone life so he's fairly content with his current position.
....
Yeeaah you guessed there's more below the surface.
So this man's life started with being the subject of a failed genetic dragon magic experiment, first one in a handful of infants that actually lived, but ultimately he got nothing out of it but a fair share of various health conditions and disabilities. The initial project was dropped after a few years of surveillance with no results, and instead he got handed over to one of the medical departments so they could "at least make use of him" and test some cutting-edge medical tech. No wasting ressources, am I right? (:
Fastforward some years, a miserable childhood full of abuse and ableism (and by extension just as much of it internalized) essentially left him with the obsession of wanting to fit in with everyone else, wanting to be like everyone else, never having anyone find out anything about his conditions and his past. Worked his ass off in college so it wouldn't be apparent he struggled when others didn't. Created a work environment for himself that he knew would be accommodating to him while not raising any possible questions.
He's been doing fine for some time now; while he definitely hasn't gotten rid of his insecurities he has somewhat accepted that he just... is who he is. Some days are worse and some days are better. His brain has done a very thorough job suppressing pretty much all his early childhood memories. He has also convinced himself that being a perfectly exploitable asset to the corporation that abused him for years is definitely the right way to stick it to the system. They said he'd never be useful for anything and die an early death? Ha, showed 'em! (I am saying this with a lot of sarcasm. He is genuine.)
He's definitely a product of the environment he grew up in, which is a shame because if he hadn't been indoctrinated by the Inquest since birth he would have probably turned out a pretty decent person. He doesn't have the absolute worst inner moral compass. Alas, as it is he has contributed to [some fucked up things] and has [some fucked up views]. And he's not about to change that.
So... at what point do the stories of these two actually connect?
Petthri and Lahpp first met within a larger group of mostly scientists from mixed divisions that were sent on a trip to Rata Primus.
I won't go into the full details of The Rata Primus Odyssey now because that is a whole different story arc involving a total of six of my characters, but the relevant information is that they arrived in the wrong place at the wrong time (A Bug In The System says hello!), and got trapped in the main complex together (alongside Phlish and my charr engineer Leto) when Awakened shit hit the fan.
In short, the following escape mission lasted way too long, and made for an incredibly exhausting 0/10 experience for everyone involved. Cooperation between our two relevant asura actually went surprisingly smooth for the most part, at least way better than with the rest of the small group.
(Bringing that old edit back. Two criminals actually getting shit done in the back while the others are about to snap each other's head off.)
I did once offhandedly mention that Lahpp held Petthri at gunpoint exactly one time – that was here. He was not going to risk getting onto HQ's watch list for letting a prisoner slip away while he's even remotely involved.
Ultimately exhaustion and having no access to important medication for a prolonged amount of time got the better end of Lahpp, and while the other two would have probably just left the "dead weight" behind, Petthri made sure he made it out with them. Not a great time for the little Inquest criminal, both physically and mentally given his inclination for secrecy regarding certain topics.
A few days after they returned to the CoE Petthri checked up on Lahpp to make sure he's recovering, but afterwards... radio silence from both sides for the next few years.
–
Fastforward, it's now Cantha time!
If Lahpp had a piece of gold for everytime HQ sent him away on a "business trip" that'll end up nearly killing him, and likewise Petthri had one for everytime he'd be witness to that, they'd both have... two pieces of gold, which isn't much, but it's still weird it happened twice.
Once again as part of a larger group, our criminals find themselves in New Kaineng City. And because I am a mere human being that is not above resorting to overused tropes, they do of course end up having to share the same room for the time of their stay. I never claimed to be a mastermind storywriter.
At least this time the trip starts out fairly unspectacular, with mostly guided group tours through the city and its labs. Lahpp is not feeling too great (understatement) during all of this for reasons he can't quite grasp, but he's got a really bad gut feeling. Petthri actually notices he's lingering a lot and falling behind, so he suggests they split off from the rest of the group and go back to their room early. Get some rest, the journey to Cantha was long after all.
The next days are pretty calm, the Inquest is snooping around while our two heroes actually have some time to talk and get to know each other a little more. Petthri finally gets to tell someone his whole 'and this is how I was kidnapped!' story. Petthri's questions are getting a little too personal for Lahpp's taste, but overall they get along alright. It's almost like two people that have been way too lonely for several years are actually finding a bit of comfort for a moment. (Side note: Petthri warms up to people very quickly, and he might be (without realizing it) getting a little too comfortable with the idea of having found someone "redeemable".)
Now wouldn't it be great if a nearby reactor blew up and an elder dragon escaped?
The event itself isn't really affecting them (yet) but I do think Lahpp must be questioning the Eternal Alchemy at this point. Thaumanova. Multiple near-meltdowns in the Crucible. Rata Primus. Now this. Seriously, at some point it's just ridiculous.
With each new information surfacing, the "bad gut feeling" is slowly but surely turning into mild but continuous panic. Something is off and it clearly has something to do with dragons. Now, Lahpp never really cared about the whole elder dragon business. Whatever sort of magic experiment he was used for, it's the outcome that affected his life, not the source of it. Still, the thoughts are starting to occupy his mind more than he'd like to admit. Petthri is entirely unaware of any of this.
Oh wait – what's this? A new unknown form of raw magic rapidly spreading and threatening to destroy Tyria? Obviously this is something to be investigated, so the larger group coordinates an excursion to Dragon's End. And obviously they end up getting into the battle for the jade sea.
I guess at this point you see where my art is coming from.
Petthri and Lahpp never get to fight Soo-Won herself (no canon meta participation alas), but they are busy enough fending off Void creatures on ground level anyway. It's unclear (to me) if or how much the Void actually affects Lahpp on a physical level, but regardless he is not having the best time being confronted with something that is so unknown to him and yet so closely connected to his very being.
Some resurfacing traumatic memories combined with a not-so-pretty panic attack (and the physical stress of fighting) later, it's poor Petthri's task to once again take a blacked out criminal to safety. Meanwhile he's got absolutely no idea what is going on, but he's definitely going to demand some explanations.
For some days after this Petthri's playing bedside vigil in a New Kaineng medical facility. The two have a lot of time to talk. Personal topics. Uncomfortable topics. Lahpp does tell Petthri to go back to Rata Sum, he's beyond caring at this point. Quite frankly he thinks HQ won't care either. Petthri refuses to leave just like that. Asks Lahpp to come with him, he'll be better off away from the Inquest. Obviously Lahpp is not having any of it, he's very well aware the Inquest is as corrupt as it gets, but so is Rata Sum. That's just how the world functions. The Inquest has the meds and tech he needs to survive. He's not leaving. And he certainly doesn't need anyone acting self-sacrificial out of pity. It's degrading.
He tells Petthri to sleep on it and make up his mind the next day.
–
Aaand that is pretty much where the somewhat coherently planned part of my current rat-timeline ends. A glimpse into vague concepts for the future:
Enter a third character to the roster! It's Luqqah, Inquest medic-turned-biochemist. She happened to be in Cantha for a while now, doing her own research. She gets involved treating the injured after the whole Void mess. Naturally she ends up finding Petthri and Lahpp. Lucky for the latter, because she obviously has better knowledge dealing with asura than any of the human medics. And... in fact... she has pretty detailed knowledge about what's up with Lahpp specifically. Dealt with his medical papers in the past. Oh, also... they're exes. Don't worry, parted on good terms. Haven't seen each other since shortly after the Thaumanova meltdown. What a reunion.
So... yeah. It's gonna be trio time from now on. I don't know yet for how long the three of them stay in Cantha, or if they're going to get involved with the whole Gyala Delve storyline (or whatever comes out of it). Lahpp's not doing great, he'll need a while recovering. If he ever fully recovers. Petthri has a few of his own inner demons to fight. Time will tell.
As a conclusion... Petthri's saviour complex sets him on a good path towards a corruption arc while Lahpp's as close to a redemption arc as he'll get. They're both questioning their life and views a lot. Spoiler from the Omniscient Narrator: Both of them will be back in the Crucible. But with more thoughts to think than before. And more time to spend together.
And that's what's currently up with the rats.
#godspeed to all of you.#if you actually made it to the end: you have my eternal gratitude these rats mean a lot to me and this ultimate infodump was difficult#there is so much more to each of them separately and to some of the things i'm mentioning kinda briefly. some things i didnt mention at all#but this should cover at least a good chunk of what is relevant to both of them together#i wish i could just transfer all my thoughts to you telepathically but alas assorted words and images will have to do#budgie plays gw2
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this post is a bit long but please read it if you do not have a sleep disorder, more specifically if you don't have a circadian rhythm disorder, i need y'all to understand something
i never thought i would have to write this, but yes, sleep disorders can be incredibly disabling. my sleep disorder is a disability.
i had to drop out of highschool as soon as i was legally able to do so. i had health issues my entire life, both physical and mental, but the brunt of my physical health issues started when i was fourteen. i had to repeat grades and certain classes due to frequent absences. by the time i was sixteen, i could not attend school without a manual wheelchair. as a young adult now, i can't leave my house without a powerchair if i'll be expected to walk more than five minutes, and even then, it's much better for me to just use one unless it's totally impossible. on top of that, i experience flu-like symptoms that make leaving my house extraordinarily difficult. by the time i dropped out, these symptoms were disabling enough to keep me home, though they were not as bad as they are now.
i bring this up to point out that i am otherwise physically disabled, and to carry on to say that these symptoms were not the driving factor to me dropping out. living in a major city, there is a significant chance that i could have found a school to attend which could accommodate me. it would not be easy and i would still have a much harder time than other students, but it would be an avenue worth exploring. i would be able to try it. considering my financial situation, i would have been able to afford a private school. i could do online schooling. there were options.
because of my sleep disorder, we literally could not even look.
my waking hours vary wildly from day to day. sometimes for weeks at a time i will wake up after sunset and fall asleep after the sun has risen. i've had weeks where my sleep schedule more closely resembled friends i had made on the other side of the world than people i knew in person. even then, i cannot properly adjust to being awake at night, because there are also times when i'm awake on a seemingly normal schedule.
i briefly attended an asynchronous online school before dropping out. it was the best one i could access. it was awful. the lessons were bad, the teachers were bad, the work was bad... not even only in quality. there was a lot of ableism and other bigotries that demoralised me. because i couldn't attend the virtual classes due to my sleep schedule, i also fell behind academically, and because of my other health issues, i didn't have the energy to catch up.
making doctors appointments is terrifying because i never know what my sleep schedule will be like when the time comes. most doctors in my area are extremely booked. i've missed a rheumatology appointment and had to reschedule for six months in the future, and because i had to stop taking my pain meds from GI side effects and my allergy meds stopped working, i had to go without any medication that entire time. i physically cannot force myself to wake up without getting enough sleep because my body is fragile and i will start experiencing severe & unbearable symptoms of my other disorders. these cannot be pushed through. i cannot even try.
the "best doctor" for circadian rhythm issues in my area — a major city, might i remind you — only takes patients during early morning hours. this is not a joke. despite the most common circadian rhythm disorder causing people to wake up late and fall asleep late, the guy who is the "best" for treating them doesn't see people after 11 am. it is easier for me to maintain a 'wake up at 3pm, fall asleep at 6am' schedule than a 'wake up at 3am, fall asleep at 6pm' schedule. i cannot see this doctor. when i briefly managed one appointment with his secretary, she just told me to set an alarm and fall asleep at the same time every day. that was all of her advice. like i have not tried that.
as far as i'm aware, there is a single medicine approved to treat the condition i have. last time i checked, it costs something like three thousand US dollars a month. 6 times as much as my old heart meds, which were already very difficult to get covered, even with really good health insurance. the meds supposedly take months to even start working.
i had a delayed sleep wake rhythm my entire life and ran on very little sleep to get to school, to the point that i started uncontrollably falling asleep at school after my health issues started and necessitated more energy than my body had. my sleep cycle started moving forwards as it does now when i was sixteen. before i stopped attending, i would frequently attend school on 0 hours of sleep, get home, and fall asleep immediately.
the world is not built for people with circadian rhythm disorders. my sleep disorder makes functioning on a normative level impossible.
i NEED people without sleep disorders to stop treating this like it's some funky and low stakes thing to deal with. i am so tired of having people tell me they 'wish they could be nocturnal' or that they 'love staying up all night' when i tell them about my sleep disorder. you DO NOT want this, and this is VERY DIFFERENT from occasionally staying up late for fun. yes, being awake during nighttime hours can be freeing. it stops being freeing when you have no choice on the matter, have to be socially isolated for weeks on end, cannot reliably schedule doctors appointments, cannot attend school or work any job with specific hours, cannot maintain an eating schedule or a schedule for taking medication because you're never awake at normal times, etc etc etc.
and it's not as simple as taking melatonin. when i take melatonin it stops working after two uses and the times it does work i get at most 3 hours of non-restorative sleep and my sleep schedule either goes back to what it was before the next day or gets significantly worse much faster than it normally would. it's not as simple as not using screens. i've been in settings without screens for months and still had it happen. i've lied down for 8 hours trying to sleep and failed. there is no easy fix. this is how my body works.
yes it's a disability. no you don't want it. it's not a quirky character trait. think before you speak please.
a note: this is not intended to state that being otherwise disabled is not also a valid or genuine reason for dropping out of school. there's a good chance i would've had to drop out anyways, and i can't attend school now with how my symptoms have progressed, regardless of the sleep schedule. i wanted to illustrate how the combination of a sleep disorder and other chronic illness makes my life significantly more difficult and how it reduces my access to accommodations and care.
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Hey there I got my autism and adhd diagnosis a few months ago and since then most people I've told didn't believe that I have autism. I have my school therapist tell me that he believes that I got misdiagnosed. People told me that I don't seem autistic because I don't fit into the stereotypes and have gotten very good at making. It can be very frustrating when people don't believe you even though you have medical conversation.
So I just wanted to say thank you for sharing more information on the topic it helps me understand myself more and it helps others understand.
I also wanted to ask if you have any resources on Dyslexia since I have that as well. I can't really find much information on it and it would help. (If you don't that's also totally fine)
thank's
Hi there,
I’m glad my blog has been helping you. :)
I’ll leave some information about dyslexia below. This first excerpt comes from the Mayo Clinic:
Dyslexia is a learning disorder that involves difficulty reading due to problems identifying speech sounds and learning how they relate to letters and words (decoding). Also called a reading disability, dyslexia is a result of individual differences in areas of the brain that process language.
The article will be below, as it goes into the symptoms for children, teens, and adults.
This next excerpt comes from the International Dyslexia Association:
Dyslexia refers to a cluster of symptoms, which result in people having difficulties with specific language skills, particularly reading. Students with dyslexia usually experience difficulties with other language skills such as spelling, writing, and pronouncing words. Dyslexia affects individuals throughout their lives; however, its impact can change at different stages in a person’s life. It is referred to as a learning disability because dyslexia can make it very difficult for a student to succeed academically in the typical instructional environment, and in its more severe forms, will qualify a student for special education, special accommodations, or extra support services.
This article will be below too if you’d like to read it.
I hope these sources help you. Thank you for the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ❤️
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this post is going to be under construction for forever, basically.
i haven't decided on my fake name yet. i am a full-time creative writing MFA candidate in chicago. late twenties. male. i hold a BA in game development.
i write fantasy, primarily dark fantasy, but am also interested in urban fantasy and historical fantasy. i have a decade of experience writing and posting fanfic in many different fandoms.
my writing focuses on themes of masculinity and homophobia, transness, sexuality and kink, disability, and gay love/romance.
i speak english and have a questionable grasp of french and czech. i am studying norwegian and old norse/icelandic.
i'm open to tag games and the like but it will probably take me a minute to get to them.
fiction: i'm really passionate about YA lit, even though i'm not writing any right now. my favorite YA authors are laini taylor, alex london (yes, the one plagiarized by james somerton), and margaret rogerson.
my favorite (adult) fiction authors are cathrynne m. valente, ursula k. le guin, and brandon sanderson. my favorite nonfiction authors are neil price, richard preston, and lindsey fitzharris.
film: my favorite directors are masaaki yuasa, robert eggers, and the wachowski sisters. my favorite films are cloud atlas (2012), ravenous (1999), mind game (2004), pom poko (1994), and trick or treat (1986).
i love B movies, and i have a growing collection of DVD movie packs and vinegar syndrome special editions. i have the oversized "champagne and bullets" poster hanging on my wall, and i own the miami connection soundtrack on vinyl. i am one of the only people on earth unironically interested in the history of shot-on-video movies.
music: anything in the "alternative" sphere, but i have a special fondness for folk punk and psychobilly/horrorpunk. my favorite bands are the mountain goats, AJJ, florence + the machine, aganst me!, editors, and baroness.
study/academic topics: my thesis is largely inspired by my passion for viking/medieval scandinavian history and culture. i am studying old norse/old icelandic, in the hopes of being able to read the sagas in their original language.
i love medical history and know everything there is to know about WWI-era facial reconstructive surgery, and plan to write a story about it someday (i was into it before the fitzharris book, goddammit!). i will read any nonfiction book about a part of medical history, whether it's a specific disease or a technique or field.
other: lake superior and the minnesota north shore, minnesota public radio, food culture and food writing, candles and incense that smell like the woods, tattoos that look like woodcuts, collecting enamel pins, travel patches, and mosser cats, fiber arts.
my thesis: a grand-scale dark fantasy novel about a misanthropic wizard academic and an alcoholic viking mercenary trying to save the world. main themes: cultural homophobia, misogyny, and machismo and the way they affect gay men, fascism and surviving under hostile systems, sacrifice and what makes a world worth saving, languages and the way they affect our lives, romance.
vampire story: a short story about a vampire that works at hot topic befriending a community college student in 2007. main themes: being suicidal and what makes life worth living, connection, romance.
viking story: a short horror story about a viking that gets stuck in a cave while searching for his unrequited love, who may or may not be dead. main themes: homophobia and machismo, grief and mourning.
i don't like naming things.
i don't care who follows me.
this blog is occasionally NSFW.
if you post a lot about political issues, i will not follow you. this is because i am here for fun, not to be angry, depressed, homicidal, or suicidal. if you do not like that, get bent. it will not change.
if you are weird to me, i will block you.
if you, under any circumstances, refer to me or any of my male characters as baby, baby girl, girlie, bitch, princess, or any other infantilizing, misogynistic horseshit, i will block you.
that's it.
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FrankensteinWIP - intro
Working title: „Offspring of Unhappy Days”
Genre: adult literary horror
Subgenres: dark academia, queer romance, grounded sci-fi
Themes: academic fraud and ethics, co-dependent relationships, PTSD, fear of death, loneliness, disability/neurodivergency, trans/queer experience in Eastern Europe
Comps: “Leech” by Hiron Ennes, “These Violent Delights” by Micah Nemerever, “Secret History” by Donna Tartt
Protagonist: Kristian Kalina, PhD student, late twenties; trans, queer, autistic; he/him
Short description / pitch:
When two researchers discover a horrifying truth about consciousness and death, their obsessive devotion to each other pushes them to do the unthinkable.
Setting: Kraków, Poland; a fictional institute dealing with several branches of biology situated on the outskirts of the city
Word count: 35k/100k, in drafting stage
First line (after prologue): In our labs, we are small gods, clumsy architects of nature.
Blurb and excerpt under the cut. Reply or reblog with a comment to be added to the tag list!
Blurb:
Kristian is a PhD student at the end of his rope. His scholarship is running out, his supervisor won’t let him defend, and he’s stuck at a third-rate institute with no support. As a last resort, he applies for an assistant position in a newly funded project – and ends up being the only candidate.
A connection quickly develops between him and his new boss, Leith. The two bond over their shared interests, and shared trauma. Soon, the platonic affection transforms into hungry romance. Somewhere deep down, Kristian knows that their love is more of a sick coping mechanism, but is unable to stop himself.
The tension rises when they accidentally discover a gruesome truth about brains, consciousness, and death. Any other scientist would announce this to the world and step away. Kristian and Leith conduct their experiments in secret, pushing the boundaries of ethics to advance the research. And their unquestioning devotion to each other is about to lead them into much darker places.
Excerpt (from chapter 4):
In order to fully assess the effects of a treatment (drug, pollutant, living condition, induced mutation, etc.), a scientist often needs a sample of tissue that has been washed of all unnecessary materials. A clear cut of brain, liver or intestine is best viewed when it has been infused with a fixative before being placed under a microscope. One way to achieve this is transcardial perfusion. I have performed it many times, preparing tissue samples for pathology comparisons. The protocol runs as follows: the animal is anesthetized but kept alive, after which the body is restrained, chest cavity opened, and a major blood vessel is connected to a supply of fixative. The animal’s still beating heart then does the job for you, carrying it to every point, through every capillary, until finally there is no blood left and the heart ceases to beat.
I had never gotten used to it. I am not a squeamish person and the sight of blood, urine, feces, pus, or any other biological substances does not disturb me. Many biology students deal quite well with formaldehyde preserved specimens but falter at freshly sacrificed animals. One young man had described to me the acute drop in blood pressure he felt the first time a dead rat had been placed in front of him. It wasn’t the sight (fluids, viscera, the undigested contents of the rat’s stomach) but the realization of such recent death. The tiny body still warm, motionless. Perhaps the human mind begins searching at once for the causes, and fears the proximity of whatever had killed another animal (and may be searching for its next victim). Regardless, the ability to deal with this horror is what often sorts students into specialties. Luckily, there are plenty of areas in biology that don’t require you come in contact with living vertebrates at all.
What I always wondered is whether it was possible to do transcardial perfusion on a human. Could one take a person, still living, put them under and replace their blood with some sort of protective substance? Perhaps a solution that would allow them to be frozen, preserved in a box like a packet of fish sticks, waiting for a better time. Keep them on the verge between life and death for decades to then defrost them and pump four liters of blood back into their body. Would the brain survive such a process? Would the mind? Could someone do this to me at the shortest notice and keep me asleep until S. would retire (or die) and someone else would be placed on his cases, so that I could graduate at last?
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2022.07 ~ Top 9 longest fics posted on AO3
1. Hope Over Experience by kimimela [?, 168k]
►Just a bloke, his kids, and a former school rival.
2. The Waxing Gibbous: A Redemption, of Sorts by @robinbuckllly [E, 126k]
►The last thing Draco expects at his trial is for Potter to save him. This is what happens next.
3. Second Chances by CrazyCatLady [T, 118k]
►Harry, Hermione and George are struggling, their lives not what they envisioned post winning the war. The ministry hasn’t changed, it’s still as corrupt as ever, George never recovered from Fred’s death and both Harry and Hermione are facing divorce in each of their marriages. Hermione has a plan, it’s risky and could kill them: go back and do it all again, only better and saving certain lives along the way.
4. Across the Multiverse by @hsvh-hp [M, 108k]
►Thirteen years after the war, Draco Malfoy is quite happily tucked away in the Department of Mysteries as an Unspeakable. When an Auror disappears through a broken Vanishing Cabinet, it presents the perfect opportunity for Draco's research to finally graduate beyond theory. Unfortunately, Harry Potter will also be along for the ride.
5. Two to Lie and One to Listen by @fluxweeed [E, 84k]
►It’s weird when Hermione announces that she and Ron have broken up. It’s weirder when this is followed by the revelation that she’s already moved on—and the new object of her affections is Draco Malfoy. Things only get worse from there.
6. Never In Extremity by @flightinflame [M, 74k]
►A magically and emotionally volatile Harry. A disabled and pregnant Draco. Both return to Hogwarts for their eighth year — one a hero, the other an outcast. After Draco is attacked by a fellow student, Harry takes an interest in the other boy and volunteers to help, while oblivious to Malfoy’s condition. What initially strikes Draco as simply the chance to get back on a broom becomes something more than either of them could have dreamed of.
7. The Phantom Girl by DarkWizard [E, 60k]
►Draco thought himself really smart when he decided to explore the Gryffindor Tower with someone else's body. Harry had sex with Ginny for the first time. Except it wasn't Ginny.
8. The Trouble with Wanting by @waldorph [E, 60k]
►Draco Malfoy is cleared of all charges; this is what happens next.
9. Six And A Half Years by @findmeafterward [E, 40k]
►Harry owns a restaurant, Draco has a boyfriend with a stupid name, and they're friends now. Or maybe a little more than that.
—
※ Word count: 1k ~ 15k
※ Word count: 15k ~ 40k
The Day Before the Wedding by @kbrick [E, 39k]
The Soulmate of Draco Malfoy by londongirl_booklover [E, 29k]
Wonderful Wheezes by dothechachaslide [E, 37k]
You Can't Outrun This by Justlikewriting [M, 23k]
“Your lack of etiquette charms me” by persephony11 [?, 35k]
Yule Ball by Yarrow (Milenrrama) [T, 17k]
—
Ongoing Fest/Exchange
※ Fics would be listed elsewhere.
H/D Summer Vibes 2022 | @gwbexchange
HD Wireless 2022 | @hd-wireless
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Our new zine Chronically Invisible by Jessie Ziegenbein is out now!! 🌿✨
"Hi! I’m Jessie, a nonbinary college student
studying mechanical engineering. I live with various disabilities and chronic pain, which has impacted the way I view and interact with the world. My intention for this zine is to highlight some of the unique struggles people with chronic illness and other invisible disabilities go through, though there are many more not covered here. Some of the experiences talked about are applicable to any kind of disability, though are often accentuated by a disability being invisible. My hope is that everyone can learn something new about what it’s like living with a chronic illness or disability, and go on to treat everyone with kindness and empathy despite how they appear to be doing on the outside."
Link to order physical copy
Link to get free/pay what you want digital copy
#chronic illness#invisible disability#invisible illness#zine#artists on tumblr#queer artwork#bitter pill press#trans artist#queer zine#perzine#poetry#disability#disabled artist#nonbinary#transmasc#disability zine#queer zinesters#free zines#zine making#lgbtqia+
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