#didn't think i'd ever post a twitter screenshot but here we are | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

shubblelive · 2 years

Text

LOVER ₊˚✧ ﾟ.

₊˚ʚ summary | wilbur shares a snippet of a song he wrote on stream. ages later, chat freaks out.

₊˚ʚ genre | fluff

₊˚ʚ warning | none

₊˚ʚ pairing | cc!wilbur soot x fem!singer reader

₊˚ʚ featuring | cc!wilbur soot

₊˚ʚ pronouns | she/her

₊˚ʚ word count | 0.7k

₊˚ʚ note | super cliche but oh well blame taylor swift

after he moved to his office, wilbur couldn't just bust out his guitar whenever he wanted. so whenever his chat saw his guitar in his streams now, they knew it meant something.

"softboy release?" he chuckled as he read out a message. "no, sorry, chat, this is something else." he fiddled with the tuning pegs, strumming absentmindedly as he tried to make sure it sounded right.

he was nervous about this. he knew that his chat would lap up whatever content he fed them, but he was more worried about the implications behind the song.

he finally got the guitar in tune, and he started rambling before he could stop, knee bobbing up and down with nerves. "so, chat. this is a bit of a special song, and it's a bit different than usual. i'm only sharing a bit, but i promise you'll hear the whole thing. i wrote it… i wrote it with my girlfriend,"

he watched as chat whizzed by, trying his best to read it. a lot of people were asking if it was one of his ex girlfriends, so he spoke up again. "she and i have been dating for a few years now. we never really cared much about telling people, it just like wasn't something important to us. of course, i love you guys, but you're all aware that i'm a pretty private guy. i'm a secretive man," he cracked a grin, trying to keep his tone light despite his growing anxiety. so far, all the comments he'd seen were super supportive. "but, we wrote this together, and our vibe was- we were going for a 70s wedding reception, and i think we really managed to capture it. i'm only sharing a bit, so i hope you enjoy."

he adjusted his mic, and began strumming. "we could light a bunch of candles, and dance around the kitchen, baby. pictures of when we were young would hang on the walls. we'll sit on the stoop, i'll sing love songs to you when we're eighty. i've finally got you now, honey. i won't let you fall."

he finally looked up at chat, subtly changing the chords he was playing as he spoke. "uh, so that was one of the verses, and here's part of the bridge,"

chat was freaking out as much as he'd expected, but a majority of them seemed to love the song. it wasn't like his other songs, wry sarcasm shining through lines about his misery. this one, everyone could see that it came from a place of pure love. there was nothing funny, or witty about it, because he didn't want to take away from the message of the song: he loved you.

"look in my eyes, they'll tell you the truth. the girl in my story has always been you. i'd go down with the titanic it's true for you, lover," his voice broke a little on the name of the boat, but no one noticed.

your entire timeline was filled with videos of him singing. captions of screaming, talking about how focused he was. his eyes were shining as he looked at the camera. "how are we feeling, chat?"

the stream continued. he spent a lot of it just chatting, but right before he joined a call with phil he got a text from you.

you did so good, i love you <3

weeks passed. wilbur's viewers moved on to the newest memes, started screaming about his newer lore streams. your timeline would be filled with screenshots from tommy's vlogs.

that was, until your song dropped. wilbur's fans didn't notice right away, but you remember the first tweet you ever got.

am i the only one who thinks that lover sounds like that one song wil sang on stream a few weeks ago????

that's how it started, and soon there were pictures of you and wil separately, posted side by side on twitter at the same location. an instagram photo of you wearing sunglasses that he wore a few months later. someone even edited his vocals onto your song's backing track to compare.

it ended with you posting a picture on instagram, with wilbur reposting it on his socials. you were sitting in his streaming chair, beside the neon sign of his name.

your hands were framing the sign, wilbur soot. the caption you both put on the picture was the same; my, my, my, my lover.

#mcyt #mcyt wilbur #wilbur soot #fluff #mcyt x y/n #dream smp #dsmp x y/n #mcyt x reader #wilbur soot headcanons #wilbur x you #wilbur soot fic #wilbur soot x you #wilbur x reader #wilbur mcyt #wilbur x y/n #wilbur soot x fem!reader #wilbur #wilbur soot fluff

336 notes · View notes

reptileofdoom · 11 months

Text

Public PSA and Callout Of Hawkshadow/Luna: A Continued Pattern of Hurt and Manipulation PART 2 of 2

If you haven't read part 1, it is linked HERE:

If you have, then where we last left off, I had been guilted into continuing a friendship that was actively detrimental to my mental health; eventually causing a very bad anxiety attack over a small issue, over which I was gaslit to hell and back with Luna's insistence to berate me, causing in me accepting all fault and blaming myself for the incident.

After this, there weren't any large fights until January. This was for 2 reasons:

a) I had received anxiety pills from my psychiatrist, which I started using anytime a conversation with Luna would make me very anxious again

b) During the period of late November - end of December, she became busy on working on her large holiday fic. Our conversations became more sparse as she was, apparently, completely consumed by it.

But we were brought back together as Luna, out of nowhere, suggested working on a fic together.

This was... weird to me. For context: Luna and I had attempted to work on fics before. We'd have an idea in DMs, talk about it, create a shared doc, and then... NOTHING from her. I am not joking when I say I would write up to 4 thousand words in a document without a single contribution from her. This was back at the beginning of our friendship. As a result, I had given up on ever writing anything with her. So for her to just suggest working on a fic together out of the blue was... really weird.

(Side note: Luna and I had a lot of fic ideas in our pinned messages. At the time it completely slipped my mind that the only reason I brought up a/b/o had been because I'd just read a fic and wanted to talk about something similar. So our discussion of the idea happened months ago - it was only after the whole fiasco was over that I remembered, oh shit, it had originally been inspired by something else. So I apologize for the unintended idea stealing.)

I am including the following screenshot as 1 - proof we really did talk a lot about so many ideas; and 2 - as the most likely theory for why she was suddenly up for writing a fic with me.

She wanted to write something, but didn't think she would have time to do it by herself. So she hit me up. This becomes ironic later on because she ended up completely destroying my ability to work on the fic.

Bonus: her changing things I myself had written in the fic and only asking me if it was okay afterward. I... didn't really feel like I could disagree and argue with her.

In the middle of everything, an event occurred which I can only refer to as The Like Drama. This event is going to have its own post because it spans 10 screenshots and is, even more than anything in this whole series of events, incredibly inane, hard to follow, and it's insane it was ever made a big deal in the first place. It is, however, a very fantastic example of Luna's casual manipulation and general obsessiveness with public image.

The Like Drama post HERE:

Back to the fic saga:

A short time after this, after editing my words and only asking permission afterwards, I was scrolling Twitter and an announcement Tweet from Luna popped up on my timeline. (I don't have the capacity to go make an alt and try to search through her account for it, but it was public and many people can certainly remember it.)

It read, in summary: that she was working on an omegaverse fic and to stay tuned. A couple of things to highlight, specifically:

a) there was no mention of me, or any co-author in the tweet

b) this tweet was made without any sort of discussion with me

c) I have an Actual Massive Trigger around pressure; something I would talk about extensively in her server. Both Raelle and Cass (vegaspetesupremacy / sketchyshit) are willing to back me up on this. It used to be so bad that I could not tell anyone what I was working on, otherwise I would be unable to finish it.

(if anyone is wondering about the legitimacy of such a trigger - I used to attend a massively abusive private school for almost 8 years. It fucking sucked.)

Luna knew about this trigger. And not only did she post a tweet like that, in what follows after, she proceeds to stomp all over my boundary.

On January 19th I woke up to the message that a friend had committed suicide.

At the same time, the fic had gone up during the night - but it wasn't what I focused on because I was emotionally broken up. I made a Twitter post about taking some time off to grieve.

After crying, I was left alone with my thoughts. And my email notifications were pinging with people commenting on the fic. So I thought: why not reply? Luna had previously mentioned finding comment replies draining; I felt like I could do something useful.

And this is where things went wrong. As mentioned, I was not in a good headspace. So when some comments featured the typical begging for more ie "please please write a chapter 2!!" I was very blunt with reinforcing my own boundary; telling them quite frankly that it's uncomfortable and if they keep going, I will block them.

Were my replies graceful? No. But I was grieving and did not have the capacity to care.

Here is my final conversation with Luna, after which we never spoke again.

That's it. That's the end of our conversation.

Luna did not reply to me for 2 entire days. During this time, she wrote and published a drabble for one of the commenters.

Formerly, this conversation also had a message or two from me along the lines of "Luna? Please respond, please." I deleted these after seeing that. (That entire conversation, I was waiting on a single "I'm sorry for your loss" from her; at one point I specifically tried to allude to my situation to see if she knew, but she did not acknowledge it.)

After 48 hours, I unfollowed Luna on Twitter and left her server; mostly to see if it would make her react.

In response, she hard-blocked me. She chose her followers and fame over our friendship for good.

During this 48-hour period, I had also thought to message Raelle regarding my general frustration, almost as a last call for help. Because to be clear: this interaction left me sobbing and wailing on the ground. In essence, I had lost two friends on a single day. I could not fathom why she was treating me this way, what horrible thing I may have done to deserve this.

Not to be sappy, but: I really, really want to be clear how much I owe to Rae. She allowed me to vent and show her what happened: I asked her multiple times if I was out of line, because I thought it must be something I had done. She was my first outside perspective on my interactions with Luna; she was the one to tell me "you don't deserve to be treated like this." Without her, I would have probably ended up crawling back and begging Luna to forgive me, possibly trapping myself in months more of miserable friendship.

And here is something incredibly scary: If Luna had just.. given a single reply. Just a single "Wait for me a few days, we'll talk later." I wouldn't be here right now.

Even months after everything happened, I was still wracked by guilt and felt like I would sacrifice anything just to have that friendship back. My friends had to talk me down, sometimes, from messaging her begging her to take me back. After the first few days, I unblocked her on Twitter and kept her unblocked for close to a month - just in case that maybe, possibly, she ever wanted to talk to me again.

I'm not under any illusion as to what this treatment is comparable to. Some people, when shown everything, have told me the word "abuse" could apply - but I hesitate to use it, and am actively choosing not to include it as an accusation; because it is heavy and loaded and I do not want anyone to misunderstand.

Unfortunately, the story doesn't end here.

After leaving the work, something happened: despite me leaving, Luna had not edited the Author's Note to include mentioning me. In fact, it almost seemed like she wanted to avoid mentioning me; since the fic has been deleted, I am including proof through old DMs with Raelle (me reacting to this situation). (I become quite angry in these screenshots. I apologize for the name-calling.)

Quick context for what I mention here: After I became unable to work on the fic, Luna would reassure me "it's fine, you already did so much" when I expressed guilt. So... yeah, seeing this comment was a betrayal. PLUS the fact she froze it.

So, in my anger and frustration I decided to make a Twitter post; SOLELY because of the no-credit issue. At that point, I didn't want to expose Luna's treatment of me because I still had trouble accepting that it wasn't mostly my fault.

Here is the post I made, which turned into a thread as she made her own thread and misrepresented what I said: https://twitter.com/reptileofdoom/status/1616908647048613888?s=20

As a response to this, Luna created her own thread which she started sending to everyone. And not just everyone she knew, but asking those people to share it with everyone they know. (The thread has since been deleted, presumably after people pointed out inaccuracies and/or she realized she was just giving the issue more publicity.) The main piece of misinformation in the thread was her claiming I was credited in the Author's Note: this only became true after my post went public and she did it, presumably, as a way of covering her ass.

Proof, provided by kiwibin (thank you so much):

(shown through discord search because the chat was extremely active at the time and there are a million unrelated messages)

Additional proof of the thread being sent to Rae, her defending me to Luna, and Luna's response (screenshots provided by Raelle, thank you so much):

Bonus points: Misgendering lol. You only have my word on this, but her thread also featured a screenshot of a conversation with one of the "upset commenters" who misgendered me and Luna did not correct them, instead reassuring them she still loved them or whatever. She posted it as proof of how much I upset her followers.

These next images are of Rae crafting her response at the time, but it is what she ended up sending:

(As mentioned before, Rae is an angel.) (Cut off because stupid image limit, so I had to prioritize more important conversation.)

Finally, last of all:

There is a reason I have called all this a "continued pattern." In the time afterward, as I was dealing with my own emotional fallout and had trouble processing everything, I reached out to someone Luna had mentioned to me as a "former best friend (who abandoned her)." The conversation was... illuminating, and gives information about Luna's time in her previous fandom, MDZS.

Thank you so much, lunarwriter, for allowing me to add your voice to this.

As mentioned in these screenshots, there is a pattern:

Luna approaches someone, usually someone with some sort of "value" - either with many followers, or because of their writing/art. (in some ways, I was the exception: she messaged me because we wrote an impromptu threadfic in replies) (this would later be turned into her fanfiction Mortifying Ordeal, once again without credit to me, which I didn't think to question at the time. )

She pulls them into her circle. When we were friends, it was "invite them to the server" - which may be dead now because I was the one usually working very hard to keep it from going dead. But this part features a lot of compliments, asking to sprint together, gushing about how she loves their work, messaging a lot, etc.

Then comes the part where she gets value out of someone. Last I heard, she was doing it through collabs.

Here is where it gets... fuzzy because this part is usually in DMs. But people I have spoken to have mentioned experiencing some form of manipulation or another, usually to satisfy Luna's ego - constantly comparing followers, statistics, etc. Or in my case, becoming a sort of sounding board, someone to be a cheerleader for her and constantly comfort whenever she needs it - but heaven forbid I ask for some comfort back.

Just to be clear: the amount of manipulation used varies person to person.

Since I was vulnerable and easily taken advantage of, she used a heavy hand with me: which is why she was able to completely destroy me in such a relatively short amount of time.

If you are someone who is older, or has more "star power", maybe you haven't noticed these things! Or she hasn't felt the need to use it on you! Or you are special, or I am somehow mistaken about everything.

There is a very good reason why, in our final conversation, I pointed out she would not be acting the same way toward me if I was older and had "popularity."

At the end of the day, Luna is someone who, when allowed power over someone else, uses it to hurt people over and over again.

I expect her response to be something like this: Pick a point or two to focus on, ones where it was harder to find proof, or ones where I did not think to include some related conversation beforehand. Make her entire point around that. Claim I am trying to hurt her; paint herself as the victim. Vent to everyone around it, make very sad posts, share her inevitable "defense" with everyone. (If I'm wrong, I'm gonna donate $20 to charity. Not joking.)

As mentioned before, this isn't a call for "cancelling" or whatever. First and foremost, it is a PSA, a way to show these techniques and to help people guard against them more effectively. Second of all, it is a way for me to heal: the nature of everything made it hard to talk about these things openly without having proof lined up. By making this post, I am allowing myself to open up, to be clear about my boundaries, to be able to be honest with people and say "sorry, I can't follow you because you reblog her stuff sometimes and that makes me have panic attacks." Yes, there is some small amount of petty satisfaction to be made making this post; but that is only its very last purpose.

I want to end the post on some positive information:

I am doing alright now. I was able to move out in March and adopted a kitty in April. I am in therapy and have been able to discuss this whole issue extensively. I have a close friend group within the fandom now, who I have been able to rely on, again and again. Thank you so much, everyone - you know who you are <3

And I was going to end with an image of the kitty but :c hit image limit. So, have a good day, everyone.

#hawkshadow #vegaspete #kinnporsche the series #fandom stuff #fandom drama

41 notes · View notes

wienersmosh · 14 days

Text

done with the smosh membership. :)

i cancelled my membership a couple of weeks ago and here's why.

i was a smosh royalty member. as some of you know it comes with access to the official smosh discord server. i was never very active on it. in the ~5 months that i used it i only checked it a handful of times. i had not even opened the discord app since december 2023.

last month, i decided to open the app. it said that i was not a member of any servers and with the help of a couple of friends who were still members, we figured out that i was banned. (and just today i also found out that i had been banned from the youtube livechat, which i couldn't have known sooner bc i missed the past few livestreams.) one of them reached out to a well-known mod -- a popular smosh fan artist here on tumblr, iykyk -- and asked on my behalf why i was banned. the mod refused to say why, but it didn't matter. it was either i said something inflammatory to someone (doubt it, bc i was barely on it), or because i had been leaking members-only content which, to be fair to them, i have. and i'm 99% sure it was the latter.

now... i don't know for sure who snitched or how they managed to trace it back to my discord profile and youtube account -- but i have a theory. the platform i'm most active on is smosh twitter, where i did occasionally post bts photos, screenshots of bts videos and livestreams, and little clips here and there and included those clips in edits. but even so, i highly doubt it was from my twitter account that they traced back my discord and youtube. i don't have my discord handle anywhere on my twitter and vice versa. any mention or hints of my youtube account have long been buried bc i tweet 50 million times a day.

i'm not saying no one has snitched on me for my twitter account, i'm sure at least a few people have bc my account had 1.3k followers and it was public. what i'm saying is that it couldn't have been my twitter that linked back to my discord and yt. i have a hunch that it's this tumblr post with this ianthony edit of mine, which includes multiple clips of bts videos, that got me into trouble. when i posted it, my tumblr url was different to the one i have now, and my old url was similar to my discord handle and youtube display name, and i'm positive that's how they traced it back to me.

i'm not going to make outright accusations and name them specifically bc i have no concrete proof. but i have a strong hunch that it's a specific smosh fan artist here on tumblr who happens to be a discord mod that did this sleuthing and banned me. and the only thing i have to go off of is that they weirdly have me blocked here on tumblr despite me never interacting with them in any way that could be construed as harassment. all i ever did was dm them and ask if i could see ian's halo fanfics from back in the day. that's it.

and you know what? i can't be too mad about being banned. again, i rarely used discord, so it's not like i lost something that i used regularly, and i did break a rule. it's not like they banned me for no reason. i get it.

but the part that upsets, or i guess, confuses me is that after i had been banned from the discord and the livechat, i was still technically a member. i was still being charged $20 AUD/month and i still had access to all their bts content. banning me from the discord and livechat wouldn't have even stopped me from leaking their content. so it's like... what was the point? it definitely wasn't loss prevention. i can't help but feel that this was more of a social punishment than a legal one. i think if they hit me with a copyright notice i'd be less offended, bc then i'd get the message that this is just business to them and they can't let people steal. but banning someone from the community, so to speak, but not from paying for and accessing your content, seems like such a petty, mean girl, "you can't sit with us" kind of punishment? does this make sense? especially bc it's up to the mods' discretion which people to ban AND not every single person who has leaked content is even being punished.

idk. i know i'm in the wrong in a technical sense, but cracking hard on stupid shit like leaking photos and clips -- not even full videos being uploaded somewhere else -- makes me feel like they're turning fans against each other. those who can pay vs those who can't pay. rule breakers vs snitches. no wonder there aren't a lot of ianthony stans nowadays -- most of the content we want to discuss is behind a paywall now.

i just think there should be a difference between major leaks, like uploading entire videos for everyone to see for free, and fans still being able to make fan content out of bts stuff. bc why is including one-second clips in a 30-second edit enough to get someone banned? no one is watching my edit in lieu of signing up for a membership. it's literally free marketing to entice people to sign up but i guess they don't want that.

so... here i am now. i still love smosh, i still love ian and anthony, but i don't have to further support them as a business anymore beyond just watching their videos. banning me from engaging with the community but not from paying for their content and doing free publicity and marketing for them made it clear to me they did not see a human being behind the fan account. i was just a source of revenue to them.

goodbye, smosh membership. i'm still a fan, but i guess i wasn't that important.

#personal #smosh #smosh royalty #rant #my ramblings #ian hecox #anthony padilla

18 notes · View notes

iamafanofcartoons · 2 years

Note

I haaaaate hate hate hate how people said Hazel's redemption arc made sense and Emerald's didn't?

I'd argue Hazel's does still make sense ofc but it's sooooo telling to me how ppl love his and hates hers.

Esp bc, imo, hers makes MORE sense?? We saw hints of it from volume THREE come on

If you want a short example, here's a screenshot by somebody on Twitter who noticed an annoying trend.

Here's the link if you're curious. https://twitter.com/spicybinch/status/1582743854477778944 Me personally?

I've noticed THIS particular issue.

Ruby Rose: Tries actively and super hard to always do the right thing and respect people’s choices.

RWBY Critics: OMG She’s so boring, come back when you have a personality.

Ruby Rose, Blake Belladonna, Robyn Hill: Makes human mistakes, proving both are complex character with flaws, capable of evolving.

EruptionFang, Vexed Viewer, their followers: OMG See? She’s not a saint, she was a horrible person all along, idk why people act like she’s a good person, she should burn in hell.

And then we have the straight white guys who are the villains in RWBY. Yes, I'm excluding Hazel for this one because Unlike Roman, Adam, and Ironwood? Hazel takes accountability for his actions, tries to make amends, and shows actual regret...so already we see that like Emerald, he is given more of a chance of redemption than the three.

Roman Torchwick and Adam Taurus : Does awful things willingly, consistently and without reason, and may make jokes about hurting people in general.

EruptionFang and The RWBY Rewrite folks: OMG he’s so funny and hot. I love bad boys/villains/bad people. They MUST be morally grey, cause they're so cool, they must have a tragic backstory justifying their actions.

James Ironwood: Has a pathetic excuse for his actions, blames it on other people, never takes accountability, and does a teeny tiny good thing (Think of it as nepotism) and throws outbursts when he doesn’t get his way.

Fandom on all 3 men: OMG, he is so sad, my poor baby, he deserves so much better, my heart is breaking for him. He is a complex character with so many layers and he owns their horrible disgusting actions. But his actions are not his own fault. He has trauma. OMG so hot.

I mean they also scream character assassination when it comes to male antagonists, but let me ask you this.

You notice how these critics look at a robotic acting nanny for Penny Polendina by the name of Ciel Soleil, who only had 60 seconds of screentime, and whine about wasted potential?

Several things to keep in mind. 1, these people only call v1-3 "peak animation" because they put Monty on a pedestal, and because they were obsessed with yang's chest size. That's it.

2. These people are not used to women characters having more complexity than a male character. They were fed a diet of media that treated female characters badly in one way or another.

3. Last but not least. ANYTHING Miles and Kerry do, or ANYTHING a RWBY fan does, people will hold under a microscope. Yet insulting the show and the fandom gets people put on a pedestal.

The next time you see somebody get mad at female characters in RWBY getting some form of redemption? Check their comment or post history and see if maybe they have some weird issue towards women...or LGBT.

You ever noticed how these critics who claim to be fine with LGBT shipping or at least wlw shipping get so upset and uncomfortable at the mere thought of mlm shipping?

#rwby #emerald sustrai #ruby rose #rwby ruby #rwby ruby rose #rwby robyn #robyn hill #james ironwood #general ironwood #roman torchwick #adam taurus #rwby discussion

36 notes · View notes

eirenare · 7 months

Text

Hi hi~! Life update here

Hi there!

Yes, I'm still alive lol, it's just that 85% of my social media time I currently spend it on Twitter (I refuse to call it how Elmo Muskrat wants the site to be called lol), and 15% I spend it on Bluesky (which, by the way, if you wanna find me there, I'm Eirenare too there lol).

I'm still very veeeeeery much in my Reylo brainrot haha, so yeah, you might see me posting or reblogging every now and then some of it, although I've been as well into some other stuff lately (Elden Ring for example), so you might see me posting about that too, so just a heads up there about it (and don't worry, everything I post here, regardless of what it is, as usual it'll have its tags and spoiler warnings, a "read more" if need be, etc).

My energy's been specially low for the past months though to be honest, so I can't guarantee I'll be very active around here (except for private messages, I'll be checking these every little time), just that every now and then I'll come here and post or reblog some stuff, probably Reylo and other things Star Wars or series/movies, life updates too, maybe will share in a bit of my Elden Ring brainrot and theories as its DLC approaches and I get more and more excited.

Anyways, here's some random life update stuff and anecdotes that I wanted to say before I log off for the night here:

I fell into the Kalluzeb (Kallus x Zeb, from Star Wars Rebels) rabbithole some time ago and it was, and is, neat, I love them so much

earlier today I had churros and hot chocolate as desert at lunch time and I was in cloud nine all the while I chomped on them

apparently my brain won't cease to come up with new Reylo AUs which is amazing and so much fun but also if I ever showed you guys screenshots of my Google Docs you might just faint because there are just so many things there between WIPs I'm currently working on that are already on Ao3, future things to go on Ao3, vague WIPs, AU ideas... and my energy is running so low and I'm working on various Ao3 WIPs so yeah lol I don't think I'll ever write even half of the fics I noted down

I watched Barbie at the cinema and it became one of my new comfort movies and one of my fave movies of all time

somehow I'm not as bad as I thought I'd be at Elden Ring even though I'm clumsy, a scaredycat and my tunnel vision goes lvl 100 when I'm playing videogames which usually means "good luck remembering to look at your stamina bar and using key items", so seeing myself not get too stuck on bosses was unexpected and neat (in fact, funnily enough: somehow this game even makes my anxiety lower at times and it barely increases it at all even when I'm fighting bosses, go figure lol)

I had the chance to buy Final Fantasy XVI at a much cheaper price than release price but because at that site I didn't see any warning that it was temporary, by the time I went to buy it, it had risen price again so now I'm awaiting once again for both better prices and for my wallet to recover

my brother bought a PS5 back in spring and a copy of Star Wars Jedi Survivor and, since we live in the same house, I did play that game and it was amazing asdfgffdgfjfb there were only a very few things I didn't like that much but holy shit was it good, some stuff even felt tailor-made for me in ways I wasn't expecting but that I enjoyed very much (and also the tears, the rivers of tears I shed on certain scenes lol) and now I'm super hyped for the 3rd whenever it is that it'll happen

the official Star Wars accounts at Twitter have been posting quite a bit about Reylo and the sequels and Ben for the past days (and I gotta say, the account from Spain even added some extra Reylo flavor in some tweets that other accounts didn't which is curious) and I'm clowning kinda hard, hoping that DLF finally realized most of the people actually like a lot Reylo (or don't mind it) and the ST, and hoping (always hoping, always dreading to hope too much, but hoping anyways) that we'll get Rey and Ben reunited in her movie

Anyways x2, enough anecdotes and thoughts for the night, see you around lovely people~! <3 Hopefully soon lol, but if not... *looks at 2024 fast approaching* if not, then I'll 100% be around to gossip and scream for when the Rey movie begins production and talks begin and all that stuff, lol.

Good night~! :D I hope you have a great day and/or a good sleep~! <3

EDIT: looooool apparently this was my 100th post in here and I got a free badge for my profile so yay, nice~ x) XDD

#My life #Life update #My personal life #Reylo #(adding Reylo to the tags because there's a little bit of talking about how the official SW Twitter accounts have been posting about it)#(which is kiiiind of sus if you ask me but maybe that's my clown ass hoping for good things in post-TROS aka the Rey and Ben reunion)

3 notes · View notes

mirukimary-artarchive · 2 years

Text

"Mary's 2021 Summary of Art" - Published: Dec 31, 2021

(Warning: This is going to be a wall of text.)

January in January i was asked by a friend "Hey, i wanna learn how to make Live2D models. Wanna join?" At first i thought i couldn't do it, but in the end decided "Why not?". That's the mindset i wanted to carry through the year. Pictured is the result. I've been asked to try and complete said model, so next January will be fun! This month i also took part in a FFXIV tag on twitter, where we made fake screenshots for a dating sim. That's where i decided i wanted to try and work on a visual novel, at least once. It has always been one of my dreams after all!

February ...And so i jumped on the lemmasoft forums to look for work. Found a person making a cute little self-love tale for the Valentines Jam and figured it was a good idea to give it a try. It was so much fun. Took the challenge as far as i could, and i'm still really proud of being part of this! Still not sure if game art is for me, but felt great to finally give my dream a try. If you take anything from this text wall, let it be "Wanna do something new with your art? Try it out!"

March I think it's around this time we started playing our TTRPG game (Asera)? Ok i forget when we started, but this was the month i sat down and designed my little thief (Layla) and my boyfriend's fighter (Daimyorus). Also made designs for Layla's family. It was a rather busy month (character design is time consuming!), but nothing really 'wow' to show off for it.

April This month i drew some memes for Asera, and sketched a bunch of illustration ideas... That are still sitting there, unfinished. You see, this same month i got accepted into my first zine ever, as a merch artist! Trying new things continued to pay off~ I got stickers done from sketch to flat colors around this time.

May Finished the sticker sheet for the zine (pictured), then proceeded to take...around a week on the phone wallpapers. I restarted it so many times before... When the idea finally clicked i stayed up till 4am drawing >>;;; I was terrified I'd miss the deadline, and had an apology letter on the back of my mind the whole time LOL Thankfully, it worked out and they were delivered in time. Sadly had to skip Mermay because i was busy with miscellaneous projects (only drew 1 mermaid for it, which I wanna redraw someday). Started making little chibi faces for my OCs so i could have a catalog... Which is an idea I wanna revisit later. Having a good reference of everyone would be really nice! (...even if i never do anything with them lol)

June Asera bug bit me again, and i spent a while making chibis for our characters. Also made chibis for NPCs. Designed more NPCs. Designed some of our weapons. For work, got commissioned by a VTuber to draw them and their pet (pictured). Technically finished on July3, but worked on it most in this month so eh LOL

July I made an off-hand comment about working on commissions a month or two before, then on July my friend approached me like "Hey, so you said you're doing comms... Can I get one too?" I had! So much fun! This is also the first time i recorded my drawing process (i do have plans on making a youtube channel eventually). It made me realize i... Take a bit too long. This one was 36hs. That's a bit much LOL But hey, i'm proud of it and both friend&his girlfriend like it, so 100% worth!

August Another busy month, drew some twitch screens for a friend, updated an old drawing (xmas chibis), filled some ff14 memes, experimented with a more sketchy style so i can have a faster type of drawing (...why didn't i post it?) Pictured is the bday gift i made for my boyfriend. Still haven't posted it here, but it's on my stash somewhere >>; It's filled with love!! Maybe that's why I'm still proud of it.

September Made the final twitch screen (pictured), and designed more outfits for Asera (fashion design is indeed my passion). Cleaned up twitter and started working on a TOS so i can maybe open commissions soon... Speaking of commissions, this is when i drew the Dauntless illustration. Nature BGs are my favorite thing ever!

October A very busy month. Worked on commissions (all 6 of the characters O_O) + bunny boy for the EW countdown. The original sketch for the commissions was.....interesting....idk how that got approved LOL But the final result is something I'm very proud of! For the rest, drew more sketches and outfit designs for Asera, plus a chibi sketch to commemorate EW's release (bf's wol and mine ON THE MOON)... Having no idea it would be delayed very soon LOL

November Got into a bit of an art block, which was broken by... Asera characters as Animal Crossing villagers!! Why are drawing memes/challenges the best thing ever?? After that, i managed to start working on a commission my sister asked. Drew all of her students and their favorite toys. They're all so friggin adorable ;_; Was stressful, yes, but also a great experience. Also i think this was my first time drawing real people? Well, my first time doing that for a commission at least!

December Sadly another art-block month. Made yet another Asera sketch (bc i don't have enough of these!), and twitch badges/emotes for ADigitalKing (pictured, also sorry for the hideous watermark, but they paid for it ok TT). Currently working on twitch emotes for my friend, but struggling to have them on a quality level i'm comfortable releasing.

---

Phew, what a year! My journey for a year where i have finished art to post on every month continues, but i'm proud of how much closer i got this time. Also got to try so many new things too! Overall, a good year.

Onwards to 2022!

#maryart #summary of art 2021

1 note · View note

turnaroundroundround · 3 years

Text

Morimyu in Classical reference

So, as for the fact that music in Morimyu Op. 3 resembles classical music in both progression and musical technicality, it's interesting how it's possible to keep coming up with different interpretations after re-watching the musical again and again.

I've made a thread on twitter about this before, but 1) word limitations and thread will never be enough to list all that I have to say lol 2) I'd prefer to have a fuller version noted down, especially one that I can edit and keep coming back over and over again when ever I come up with something new.

Either way, I am still (lol) not a pro in music theory and music history as well. All that is written here are based on my very very basic knowledge on music as well as something that I've picked up (and discussed) with my friends after watching Op. 3.

What's the point of this?

Why is it important? Lol I always need this to keep myself from writing off-topic but anyways. Why do the music sound good (except for the fact that because it does lol), and what do they represent? Surely there must be, and there always are, other things that are implied not only through the lyrics but also the music, and the flow in general.

Apart from the lyrics and the lines, it's also quite interesting to have a close look at the music - melody and harmony itself - to see how they portray the stories.

Most importantly, the continuality. How did Morimyu manage to insert so many songs and still managing to connect them as a whole? And how did they use music to go beyond what's on the pages? That's the most important thing about musicals - beyond the pages. We don't see stage or anime doing so very often, as they mainly focus on what's already there, bringing them to life as close as possible to how we imagine things might happen.

As for musical, they have the music. They have the arias and the songs. At some point, a character starts singing, and other characters followed suit. They have their very unique way of expressing the plot, and they have the orchestra, the arias where characters get their solo song, and the duets between characters with strong relationships, and the ensemble which emphasizes the plot, and so on.

A funny thing about duets in classical opera, they're often meant to show lovers' relationship because of the harmony but can also use opposition and all to show enemies' relationship. And in SherLiam's duet it's just both of them at the same time - thoughts connected while engaging in a chase, a hide and seek game of mystery. We'll go into that later.

Back to the topic. Morimyu follows the main plot strictly, but also uses their advantage with music to add all the side details that wasn't told in the manga to create a "complete" view of the plot. It is always available for musicals to do something unexpected (like how we never expected Lestrade's puppet show to be a whole 5 mins long piece lol). And where they did that they added arias and duets, they allowed moments where characters express and developed their emotions as well as going with the plan (yes Albert yessss). Of course there's both a good and bad side to this all the while.

💛 The good thing is they went all the way to show us sides of emotions that we don't see much in the manga or stage, the sides of the story that all of them have kept hidden while focusing on their grand plan. 💛 But then it does get too emotional at some point, especially those who came for the plot and the mind games behind all of it (like me - although I won't deny that I had a lot of fun picking out all the emotions behind the music here lol).

Musicals can always go beyond what we knew. As for Morimyu, their music is heavily influenced by opera and classical music, and it's shown quite clear. There is live music playing (instead of the entire orchestra we have a violin and piano duet), and they have distinctive arias and recitatives throughout.

So thanks to that, it's also possible to use a reference from classical music to interpret their songs.

A Sonata formation - The Narrative Series of SherLiam

Yes, songs arranged and analysed with reference to a Sonata formation, especially in the way they progress through the play.

Some notes before getting into the point

1 - Sonata = a piece of music consisting of several movements - very often 3, sometimes 4. First movement-Allegro: With the quick tempo, introducing the theme of the entire Sonata Second movement-Adagio/Largo: Slow tempo, can be emotional sometimes, as well as leading more towards the final movement Third movement-Rondo Vivace: The ending, quick-paced and vigorous, leading the Sonata to a close. A Sonata always has a general theme, a topic. The theme that I chose to write about is Mystery - the Hide and Seek game between the Detective and Lord of Crime

2 - Aria and Recitative = different types of songs used in an opera Recitative: Lines within a song that happens like a real conversation, as the characters sing they are also talking to each other Aria: A solo section where everything else is a freeze frame, while one actor remains and sing their own song about their thoughts, feelings, etc. In this post we're mainly discussing the arias of Sherlock and Liam, and the duet between them. But there's also some mention of recitatives here and there.

3 - Videos used To make it easier to understand which songs I'm talking about, I also arranged them in piano. And also to have a listen at how they might connect. Just in case the videos beneath don't work (they didn't work on my phone), the three songs discussed are Nazo, Liam's solo, Kokoro no Rondo, all piano arrangements.

All of the songs noted in this section are arias and duets from Op. 3 - the Ghost of the Whitechapel. The additional "series" that Morimyu has added spreading throughout the play, Sherlock and Liam's narratives, which portrays both their emotions and the chase between the detective and the Lord of Crime.

First Movement - Allegro: Nazo(謎) song

youtube

Starting from Lestrade's exit after his puppetshow and proceed to the scene, Sherlock's aria introduces the theme of the imaginary hide and seek game that the Lord of Crime has started. The song repeats the word (mystery) over and over again with a continuous rhythm.

Ends with Sherlock just mumbling the word Nazo (mystery) and exiting the stage - no conclusions, just like a mystery that leads into further mysteries with no answer.

♛♛♛ In regards to a Sonata formation, this is the beginning of the entire piece. Quick in tempo, written in 3/4 time and introduces the theme of the entire piece - Mystery.

Uso ka Shinjitsu ka - Lie or Truth song

Starting after Sherlock learns the truth behind Jack the Ripper, wondering if Lord of Crime is a good person after all.

Now I had a really hard time thinking whether this piece should be included or not. For one, it's not an aria. It can be viewed as a Da capo Aria, a development section of the Nazo song, repeating the theme that is introduced, coming and going rather quickly. So, for continuality.

It also does not fit into the series as a whole, being 1) a recitative. The lyrics focus entirely on Sherlock's deduction and whether he should expose the truth or not, etc. so on. 2) The lines in here, unlike the other arias, are taken directly from the manga, so it's not entirely an 'added' element to this chase. 3) Also because if we compare this to a Sonata form, this doesn't really fit anywhere

However, among Sherlock's arias, this song can also be seen as an interesting development as I have mentioned above, so I've decided to have it here, still.

There's another thing about almost all of Sherlock's arias throughout the 2 stages - they never have a conclusive end. The detective's mind is always running, mysteries after mysteries.

Most of the other characters' songs ends with some kind of closing lines, and piano continues to conclude the piece with a strong end, and then goes on to start another piece. All of their problems in the songs are concluded. They made up their minds in some ways.

But Sherlock, his songs always end with him repeating the melody, a capella, and exiting the stage. Piano waits for him to exit, then starts a new song. Or in Op. 2's Mindgame case going straight into the next conversation. We never get to know how Sherlock's songs end, because they didn't really end at those points. There's a hanging sense of waiting for a resolution, a conclusion. Sherlock never seems to have his problems solved within the songs, they just go on and on.

An idea initiates, then something happens and he is once again in the dark. And he spins around within his own mind.

Screenshot from Op. 2. Even if we look back to his aria Mindgames from Op. 2, this song doesn't really have a conclusive ending as well. He just starts singing, the music stops and he starts shooting and going on, resuming the play. It kind of has been a thing for Sherlock's arias?

Second Movement - Adagio/Largo: Liam's solo

youtube

♛♛♛ The "second movement" - the 'slower' piece - of the series, Liam's aria lol but actually the piano part of this song isn't slow at all but ok. The other side of this hide and seek game. The "development" section of the sonata series, where we see things in a much more emotional way.

This aria is much richer in harmony and melody. Not only Liam's melody, but also the piano's part which plays a beautiful melody in harmony.

I recall an interview where the stage director mentions how the "orchestra" - piano and violin are representations for Liam and Sherlock. It kind of applies here, where his music is created mostly by piano.

There is modulation, emotions rising and elevating quickly and strongly. But the harmony is beautiful, overflowing and rich with emotions. The song repeats certain lines, emphasizing aspects within Liam's thoughts.

Unlike Sherlock's train of thoughts that circles with no destination, Liam's solo has a definite ending in harmony -> Even with all his emotions in mind, Liam still has a goal already set before him. He has a brief moment of slowing down, pausing and sung about his feeling, before resuming the story.

Leading us to the final stage - Kokoro no Rondo.

Third Movement - Rondo Vivace: Kokoro no Rondo

youtube

Rondo formation: Rondo is a type of dance that revolves around a pattern, often ABA, ABACA, or ABACABA - where A is the ritournello ("meguri - kimi ni omou - meguru kokoro no rondo" section) that is repeated over and over with B, C parts in between. Rondo can also be combined with sonata form - this case applies to this song which begins with a key other than the tonic (Fm) before resolving to the tonic key (Fm) to put an end to the entire sonata series. For reference purposes, the last movement of Beethoven's Pathetique or the very typical Fur Elise is also written in a similar format. I also referred to Pathetique quite a lot when brainstorming this post.

♛♛♛ The "final movement" of this Sonata, the final scene of their "Hide and Seek" game. The song's tempo is vibrant and rapid, combining with the dancing sense, all the while strictly following the structure of a Rondo as mentioned above.

This is the stage where Liam and Sherlock's line interacts and reply to each other, as if in a real conversation - just like how the connection between them are now much stronger than what they had before.

In the ritournello, we have Liam and Sherlock's lines intertwining and chasing after one another, emphasizing the "Hide and Seek" element between the two of them.

The song comes to a definite ending, concluding with a strong tonic (Fm) chord. At this stage, there is no more question to be left open, for Sherlock at this point has already made up his mind to take the next step into solving the mysteries regarding the Lord of Crime.

Their imaginary game of Hide and Seek is coming to an end, as Sherlock came to a decision to take the next step - going to Durham.

That's the end of my first draft.

So far that is some of my thoughts noted down right after watching Op. 3 stream a while ago, with some edition made just now.

On the side note, at some point during my discussion with a friend, we also came up with the idea that a Suite may be a better reference. A Suite consists of 4 parts and a prelude, each of them having their specific characteristic. But we didn't go all the way analysing that idea, as 1) we couldn't find a 5th piece that can be added into the series. 2) Even if we did, the Truth or Lie song still would not really fit into the "aria" vibe of this series, as mentioned above.

But then quite interestingly, after a while, I've found another interesting fact that should have been quite obvious but I've missed for (lol) like ages.

The game of Hide and Seek between the detective and the Lord of Crime has begun ever since after Hope's case - that being said, ever since the end of Op. 1

And what is it that we have in Op. 2? "The Mind games of the Lord of Crime". The one where Sherlock went maniac rapping about all the thoughts he has and end up shooting randomly into the wall.

At first it begins like another recitative, but in the later half, the harmony starts to become more harmonious, written in 3/4 time flowing like a dance.

In that section, the melody of the piano and violin part resembles the one we have in Kokoro no Rondo, the Ritournello section, only that the melody of the violin in Op. 2 and the melody that SherLiam sung in Op. 3 are kind of reversed.

Coincidence much?

So now we have a collection of songs from both Opus, it becomes tricky. How do we connect them? And what's the story?

At this point, all these recitatives, aria and duets all in the theme of the Hide and Seek game. And they all connect to each other through harmony, progressions in harmony.

We know that the Mind games of the Lord of Crime has begun from ever since the end of Op. 1. We know that Sherlock keeps wondering about that in Op. 2, and then he wonders even further after he has been tested by the Lord of Crime. "また俺だけのメッセージなのか?" - Is this a message just for me?, as he wondered in the Truth or Lie song. We knew all of that. But Morimyu didn't let that stop them from emphasizing on this subplot even further.

They didn't let the gap between Op. 2 and Op. 3 stop them from making a smooth flow in plot either.

Correction, they didn't simply create a flow. They established a connection, all the while showing a strong progression of Sherlock's thoughts that goes on from Op. 2 straight onto Op. 3.

Very often, what makes a good plot is how their plots and sub-plots intertwine with each other. Morimyu has a main plot that follows Moriarty gang in the plan of changing society. And they have a smaller plot told from Sherlock's side of things. And they have this sub-plot told by harmony of how Sherlock is connected to Liam, or the Lord of Crime, by an invisible thread. A connection that is only expressed that clearly in Morimyu.

We have so many things going on, so many songs throughout the play. But each of those elements are all connected to something else, creating a sub-plot that enriches the main plot.

There is no loose connections. For everything that connects to the main plot, they're also linked to other elements. Each scene and every song has their own meaning not only in regards to other songs, but also to the plot as a whole.

Also, did I mention how Morimyu feels like a grand piece of music?

Opus -> What classical songs had that basically shows the order in which they are written. Morimyu - a title piece itself - has 3 Opus, 3 different parts with the same theme.

Classical music very often had all the different elements in it -> Morimyu had an overture, the song they sing just before the main theme song, just before introducing the stage. Then arias, ensembles and choruses. All of them are connected by similar harmony.

Classical music always had a big general theme, with each section having a smaller sequence connecting to each other. Subplots within a big plots. A Sonata piece has 3 movements, each having their own "sections" of development - expositions, development, recapitulation. -> Morimyu does the same to their plot and subplots, as discussed above.

Also, Opera reference

While Opus 2 used an opera reference to tell the story, I feel like Opus 3 has become an Opera itself. During Op. 2 the arias were mostly very loyal to the manga, taking their lines from the original work, like the Mind Games song. Their story progresses steadily but logically.

However starting from Op. 3, the aria became more independent. They developed and expressed even further what wasn't said in the manga. For instance, the 3 songs mentioned in the "Sonata" above. And there's also Albert's solo, and Patterson's solo and Milverton, which I haven't got the chance to discuss all.

But either way, they spring out of the original story, adding more emotions and "colours" to the characters. The aria became more original, all the while also much more expressive. We get to see new sides of the characters that we haven't seen anywhere before.

Anyways, it's probably time to go back to the main question: How Morimyu used music to go beyond what's on the pages.

-> Musicals aren't simply about music added to acting. The characters on stage don't just simply starts singing for no reason. All the songs are meant to express something, and while they do they also establish various connections to the plot's progression.

We don't get to see much of the characters' emotions in the manga. And we don't see much of the side story, the finer details behind each arc. Every time, Morimyu adds something original to enrich their plot. They express and develop what's already known to all the viewers, especially regarding the emotional and motivational side of the characters.

-> The manga shows us the entire plot, with details related, back stories that lead to the present, and all. But it doesn't give a lot of hint into how characters might feel. Surely, reading between the lines, it's up to the readers to interpret them.

But Morimyu gives us all of that, and they leave it to us to read between the music.

And even if we didn't, that's fine. Then the purpose of all of them linking together would be to create a performance where everything is connected harmoniously, allowing us to be emerged in the world of Yuumori.

-> The purpose of having a stage, primarily, is to allow the audience to engage in, experience and feel the emotions along with the characters they see on stage. The point of having a live stage, a plot, and the music, are all to let us emphasize with the characters on stage.

In Morimyu, we aren't just watching a plot between our favourite characters happening as we know it from the manga. We see a combination of mysteries unveiling slowly, the stories on the side of each characters as they slowly progress forward, as well as emphasising with their emotions in the story.

That's what I really like about Morimyu.

So, WHAT'S THE POINT OF THIS?

So I had to scroll back to the top (lol) to quote this and make sure I haven't gone too far from the main theme.

Regarding musical Yuumori, there's always so many things I'd like to talk about. And if I start going on about it then it only gets harder to focus on one single topic.

Since the topic here is Morimyu and their music, especially in classical reference, I've tried to keep everything I've discussed relevant. But whenever I start on something, there would always be something that comes to mind. Like how other songs might also have certain connections, or how they used stage directions and lightings, etc. I really want to look more into stage directions in Morimyu as well, but that would have to wait...

Anyways, I tried to keep this as simple as possible. When I sent the first version of this to my friends, I keep having the feeling that I got too technical with all the theories about harmony and structure lol

And once again, this is only some of my own interpretation of the series that I've picked up.

If something else came to mind... well. Either way, for the purpose of engaging in their wonderful music or for the purpose of watching a beautiful stage just for enjoyment, Morimyu definitely is worth watching. And to watch over and over again. I've said this for Op. 2 but I'll say this ten times as much for Op. 3. Truly magnificent.

And, that's pretty much it that I have for today, I guess.

Thanks a lot to all my friends who gave me lots of inspiration and motivation to complete this ヽ(・∀・)ﾉ Lots of love to @rikaaki as well ヽ(・∀・)ﾉ

#Youtube #musical moriarty the patriot #musical yuukoku no moriarty #yuukoku no moriarty #sherliam #random thoughts idk why #didn't mean for it to be this long but still just random thoughts I'd like to get down #still love this series too much although I feel like I've watched it too many times #harmony analysis I'd like to call it but there wasn't a lot of harmony analysis going on either #morimyu #morimyu and how their music is just extraordinary

90 notes · View notes

cllynchauthor · 5 years

Text

On Aspie Supremacy and the Aspergian

CW: bullying, suicide, aspie supremacy

I feel the need to talk to you guys about what has been happening on autistic twitter lately surrounding the autistic website The Aspergian. I write for The Aspergian. Here are some of my articles:

https://theaspergian.com/2019/05/04/its-a-spectrum-doesnt-mean-what-you-think/

https://theaspergian.com/2019/04/19/person-first/

https://theaspergian.com/2019/04/05/7-cool-aspects-of-autistic-culture/

While I am white, cishet, and speaking, I am in the minority at The Aspergian.

The majority of contributors are mostly either LGBTQIA+, BIPOC, or high support needs.

Here are some of their contributions:

https://theaspergian.com/2019/10/10/stopping-the-stigma-against-people-with-disabilities-interview-with-sbsk/

https://theaspergian.com/2019/09/09/10-signs-i-was-transgender-but-didnt-know-it/

https://theaspergian.com/2019/08/08/the-cage/

Despite this, the name The Aspergian makes many autistic people uncomfortable. Several ASAN members have spoken out condemning the name.

In these days of #AltAutism, the autistic dark web and other aspie supremacists have turned the word Aspergers into a borderline slur.

Aspergers and “Aspergian” are becoming dog whistles for function labels, white supremacy and incels.

The founder of The Aspergian knows that. That’s why she named it The Aspergian.

With every pro-RPM, pro-Neurodiversity, feminist, intersectional article The Aspergian publishes, it gets left wing values all over Aspergers. If you google Aspergian now, all you will find are social justice articles.

And the AltAutism folks HATE IT.

But so do a lot of autistic advocates, for whom “Aspergers” conjures up a lot of trauma.

The founder has trauma from it too, though.

https://twitter.com/theaspergiancom/status/1185068296636375040?s=21

Image Description: screencap of a tweet from @TheAspergianCom reading

When I first told my closest living friend about being autistic, it was the first person I'd told other than my husband. This was her response:

Below is a screencap of a text conversation. The friend is talking about her autistic son saying “at this point I’ll be fucking happy if he ever calls me mom and stops trying to attack me.” Then she says “I think your autism is fucking bullshit.”

Image description: screencaps of more tweets reading:

Though she knew I was going to be tested, she'd continued to use the word Asperger's. I'd been helping her through the process of understanding her son and autism. I loved her deeply. I still do. But she blocked me on social media and told everyone before I was ready to come out.

So instantly all my social media was flooded with all these speculative and veiled comments I could only see portions of, and I was humiliated. I was a new mother struggling and lost my support system. She thought it was sinister I used the same label as her son. Minimizing.

Autism was my diagnosis. She didn't know that I was made to believe I was possessed by demons in my youth or all the hell I'd endured and all the struggles I had like being the last person in my school who learned to read six years late. She knew an articulate adult.

Image description: the next person I told, things went even worse. She outed me in local Facebook groups where I was the admin and parent groups. I had postpartum anxiety and severe breastfeeding aversion but my child wouldn't eat food. So it was BF constantly or a feeding tube. And no meds for me.

So I thought maybe the problem was me saying autism instead of Asperger's. My husband was aspie and always identified that way. I'd been a teacher with largely autistic classes for years. Those with that diagnosis were often intellectually disabled.

Image description: My best friend and one of my oldest and closest friends, both autistic, had committed suicide, and the two living best friends I had blew up my whole social circle. I was afraid to seek help, afraid to go in public, and brutally reframing my whole life and reliving traumas.

I needed help. I joined about 20-30 autistic groups and made the mistake of saying that I was aspie. I didn't want to be insulting and have another incident like what happened the first time I told someone. It didn't go well. I had no idea of the stigma at the time.

And I had no idea why I was being called a supremacist, shiny, a Nazi, ableist, etc. I argued against those claims because I'm definitely not those things. I thought I'd entered a den of extremists. I got booted. Then another group I entered started with, "Oh, there's the Nazi."

In that tweet thread, Terra goes on to say that it occurred to her that her best friend who had recently committed suicide might have sought out the autistic community before he died. And she went to look and found that he had posted and been dogpiled in the same manner. The day before he died.

Terra Vance is desperately anti supremacy. But she is also desperately anti bullying. And she felt that if people couldn’t say “I’m autistic” without losing loved ones and “I’m aspie” without being called a supremacist, then autistic people were being put in a very tight corner.

Especially since Aspergers is still an extant diagnosis pretty much everywhere but North America so people are getting shunned from the autistic community because of their DIAGNOSIS.

That’s why she named it The Aspergian.

And you know what?

The aspie supremacists HATE IT.

They hate that their dog whistle is now a popular and booming hub of Neurodiversity, anti-ABA, and intersectionality.

They hate that The Aspergian is republishing deleted Wikipedia articles of autistic nonspeakers, which the autistic dark web worked hard to get removed.

They hate that we promote FC and RPM and other AAC. They hate that we keep claiming that autism and Aspergers are the same thing.

They don’t want to share space with nonspeakers and black women. They’re a bunch of altright white incels and The Aspergian is getting autism and neurodiversity over their shiny high functioning boots.

Worst of all, we’re reaching PARENTS.

Our most popular articles are not aimed at fellow autistic people. They are aimed at NTs, parents, laymen, trying to educate them about autism.

My article on ABA went viral and made so many ABA therapists angry. It was beautiful.

Imagine description:

“And by some strange magic, we took off suddenly, going from like 100 views per month to over 100k, then 200k, then more and more. We heard a lot of stories that were not being heard. There are parents who read our site to learn about their children posthumously after suicide.

One mother told me that if she had found our site earlier, she would have known that her son's "aspie" diagnosis meant that he was fully autistic. She is filled with regrets. We hear from lots of people who had no idea that they were supposed to have these autistic struggles.

We hear from people in lots of non-white majority countries where autism acceptance and awareness is years/decades behind what a difference our site has made because they had no idea. They weren't reading other blogs and now they are. Now they are understanding autism.”

Understanding autism from a neurodivergent, autism-acceptance, Autism-Speaks-Is-Bad, anti-ABA, pro-AAC website.

The ADW HATE that.

So what do they do?

They stir up shit about the name. The autistic dark web have a bunch of sock accounts which they use to deliberately stir up shit among the #ActuallyAutistic tag on twitter so they can screenshot stuff and repost it out of context to further discredit autistic people.

So they know the ND crowd resent Aspergers. So they deliberately stir up crap about The Aspergian’s name and everybody eats it up.

They also spread lies like that we are racist and don’t have any contributors of colour (they block the BIPOC contributors who argue against this lie).

Image Descriotion:

Tweet from Riah Person (a black autistic advocate) saying

“The .@theAspergianCom has writers

• with I/DD

• that are nonspeaking

• with research background

• that are deaf

• that are blind

• with physically limiting disabilities

• that are autistic BIPOC

• that are autistic LGBTQ+

• with no formal writing skills

The list goes on”

They claim that we plagiarize. But in fact each contributor owns their own content and is free to publish in other places and often they do.

But mostly they bitch about the name.

And I get it. I do. Aspergers brings up a lot of bad feelings and associations, especially since the anti-ND movement started pushing the “Asperger was a Nazi” stuff in order to discredit Steve Silberman’s book Neurotribes.

But we can’t make Asperger’s a slur. It’s still an existing diagnosis all around the world. Happily it IS being removed from the ICD 11 in 2022 but it’s going to take decades to change the assumptions around that word.

Terra wants “Aspergers” to become synonymous with autism. No difference. No barriers. No judgements. Not because she loves or even identifies with Aspergers. Her diagnosis is autistic and she calls herself autistic. But she doesn’t think autistic people should be bullied over a label. It smacks of exclusionism.

The founder of The Aspergian feels that no autistic person should be bullied to the point of death or near-death because of their diagnosis, or because they have been trained to say they have Aspergers so NTs won’t pull the whole “you don’t look autistic” crap.

The autistic community, of ALL communities, should be the most understanding of misunderstanding. We should be the most able to understand that people don’t always mean what it sounds like they mean.

“Aspergers” is not a slur. It is not a supremacist term. At worst it is an outdated functioning label. At best it is a synonym for autism.

And it won’t become a dog whistle. Because The Aspergian won’t allow it.

#actuallyautistic #autism #suicide #bullying #advocacy #aspie #aspergers

60 notes · View notes

zitrolena · 5 years

Text

Sick of losing Soulmates: a song-inspired Crisana fic

youtube

Decide for yourself if you want to listen to the song before, during or after reading. Hope you enjoy! :)

-----

"So how long do you think Harry Styles' hair would be if he hadn't cut it when he did?"

Questions like these have increased dramatically since Cris relistened to a song by One Direction and hadn't stopped to listen to any of their members songs yet. It's been a week.

Joana sighed and looked to the weird girl that was sitting cross-legged opposite to her looking at her phone. Cris was a fangirl now - she came to the dark side and Joana had no idea what to do with that information.

Joana was not used to fangirls and it was especially new to her to be in a relationship with one. Fangirls were like a different species for Joana. For her it seemed as if they sometimes put other people's problems over their own or often even internalsied them as if they were their own.

But thinking about it she actually loved that Cris was a fangirl, or overall that everyone kind of was. What would humanity be if we didn't adapt and think about other people's problems? It just wouldn't be the same. Joana wouldn't be sitting here, wouldn't be medicated and definitely wouldn't be with a girl that she had given a thousand reasons to run. Life wouldn't be the same. Life wouldn't be as good as it was right now.

"What a strange being you are", Joana laughed and grapped Cris' legs, sperated them and put them around her own waist.

"Are you trying to distract me from my life-changing question with your weird Dangerous Liaisons Spanish accent again?", Cris asked looking up from her phone. She tried acting annoyed but it was obvious to both of them that the smile on her face didn't help her act. Cris was never a good liar.

"Well.. no. At least not on purpose", Joana answered leaning into Cris and kissing her on the mouth. Her lips were soft, covered with a smile and she tasted like the salt of their popcorn they've both shared before.

"Well", Cris mocked Joana when she leaned back again "This isn't answering my question either"

"I don't know, Cris", Joana sighed "I'm not as great of a fangirl as you are"

"You know, I actually could be an amazing fangirl, if things were differently. I would be the kind of fangirl that had their whole walls plastered with posters and I'd know all the lyrics! And I'd be on twitter 24/7"

"You are on twitter 24/7", Joana interrupted her and rolled her eyes "But yes.. God knows where I would be if you hadn't found me sitting all alone in the dark aswell."

Cris laughed and tapped Joanas feet "Yeah. That was a weird night". Did I ever tell you that I've done a screenshot of you the same night and kept looking at it and it drove me insane?"

"Wait, what? Where did you find a picture of me?", Joana asked confused.

"You were on a picture that Viri posted and you can't tell me you didn't try to be on it because You seriously looked straight into the camera", Cris chuckled.

"Oh you mean that photo", Joana laughed remembering the photo she saw on Viris' account "And for your information I didn't try to be on the photo. I'm just that photogenic that the camera always finds me"

"Ah well, of course. My bad!". Both started laughing and all of the sudden all the memories from the past month came flashing back in Cris' head. Her looking at that photo far too many times to be straight. Their first kiss that made her not wash her hair for 3 days because she was not ready to forget the smell of the water that Joana had pushed her in. The breathtaking moment Joana told her that she broke up with Eloy. Those two days when she forgot everything bad in the world cause she was just that happy because she finally had Joana. The back and forth and the I love you's. They've built so much history in such little time and she could only dream about the future. Their future. It's going to be so different than what Cris would have imagined a couple months ago.

"What the hell would I be without you?", Cris leaned in and kissed Joanas nose then her left cheek and then her right. It was like their own kind of making the sign of the cross, their own special handshake, the things only meant for them. "I mean seriously, who the hell would I be?"

"You'd be a fangirl who's not over the fact that Harry Styles cut his hair years ago. Next question"

"No seriously" Cris grabbed Joanas face in both of her hands "You made me grow so much it's almost weird to think about the past me"

Joana looked away embarrassed and closed her eyes "I'm sor-"

"I swear to god Joana don't say you're sorry now.", Cris laughed and shook Joanas head with both of her hands as if it was the only way to make her understand it "You changed me. You changed everything! And that's a fucking good thing"

Joana grabbed Cris' hands and took them off her face. "You grew because I put you through shit. That's not a good thing"She could feel the stunning pain in her chest again and she wanted it to stop immediately but it was easily said than done. Joana knew there was no reason to freak out. Cris made her choice to be with Joana and it was no one's choice but her own to do so. But it still hurt to think about all the bad things she had to go through because of her.

"We both grew, Joana.. We grew together". Eventhough Joana didn't look at her anymore but stared at the floor instead, Cris knew that Joana was fighting a battle inside of her. "Isn't that exactly what soulmates do?".

Both were surprised by that word but still Cris couldn't whipe her whipped smile off her face. She loved how romantic Joana made her and how all the romantic movies she made her watch actually rubbed off on her. "A soulmate is someone that wants to grow with you and who chooses you over and over again and will love you through good and bad. Love is about making it work, isn't it?"

Joanas frown vanished and changed to the smiley one Cris oh so loved. "I think a hopeless romantic overtook the body of my girlfriend and I'm not sure how to cope with it"

"Well all that could have been avoided if you would just have answered my question".

Cris grabbed her phone again out of protest and started scrolling through twitter when Joana tackled her and landed on top of her with "It would be long, okay? Very very long. Rapunzel-like-long. And soft. Just like yours", she said while she brushed over her hair.

Cris chuckled and let her phone fall onto the soft sheets of the bed "You gonna be a fangirl with me, now? Sure you want to suffer through the pain?"

"Yes.. or at least I'm gonna listen to you obsess over them. Cause I'm sick of losing Soulmates, so where do we begin besides understanding that we both have problems. I know I have some and now I can finally see, you're as fucked up as me. And if letting you fangirl over Harry Styles makes you a romantic, I'll gladly take that kind of suffering". Joanas voice felt hot in Cris' cheeks "This specific fangirl right here", she said while brushing her nose against Cris' "Won't be alone again"

"I like that", Cris said before Jaona finally leaned in to give both of them the kiss they've been waiting for.

#skam españa #crisana #crisana fic

46 notes · View notes