#did you just copy and paste this from 2020
Text
were you sent by someone who wanted me dead? (did you sleep with a gun underneath our bed?) - jeremy swayman
pairing: jeremy swayman x original female character
warnings: swearing, pretty angsty. hopeful ish ending because i can't do sad endings, very personal but i think many can relate in their own way, cliche ish, barely proofread
inspired by + title: "the smallest man who ever lived" by taylor swift
word count: 5.6k
author's note: i'd argue almost every piece any author writes is personal, because it has their life interspersed through the words. but this one really is, because a majority of this is the exact same words i wrote years ago after a break-up. heard the bridge to this song and immediately knew i had to write something inspired by it. also trying a new format of sorts (maybe a bit meta??), so i hope you enjoy and lmk what you think!!
~*~*~
When Noelle Betsko walked away from Jeremy Swayman, holding back tears until the call dropped, she knew it was going to be a tough time for the foreseeable future.
It didn’t matter that the pandemic had forced them apart. She knew she would still feel him for months to come.
She did the only thing she knows how to do when trying to deal with things. The one thing she always resorts to as an aspiring novelist. Sometimes on her laptop when the words were spilling out too quickly for her brain to catch up, tears littering the keyboard. Usually in her old beat-up journal, scribbling in the cursive that Jeremy claimed he always loved (“It makes your handwriting unique”) with the pens he had gifted her just a few months prior.
At the age of 21, Noelle got her heart broken for the first time. At the age of 26, she’s about to publish her first poetry collection of sorts, all of the poems modeled after journal entries written throughout her life. So not really poetry, though her mother would say otherwise.
She swallows as she thumbs through the middle part of the first known and binded copy of “miscellaneous.” There are only eight entries in the whole collection that are taken verbatim from her past writing. These are the eight.
May 13, 2020 (three days post-breakup, crying in my childhood bedroom)
I don’t even recognize who I was and who you were in those writings before these pages filled with love and hope and happiness. I can’t even summon up those feelings anymore that I knew existed at one point. Those feelings of complete bliss and love for someone so deep you can’t explain it.
I’m mad at myself for not being able to conjure those feelings, because at one point, I did love you. How could something that was part of my daily life for over two years just disappear so quickly?
But now, I’m not mad at myself. I’m mad, but I don’t know where to direct that anger to. I feel a bit empty sometimes, but then frustrated the next. Sometimes I get sad, but not so much compared to the other feelings. I spent enough time being sad during our relationship.
When we broke up, on an annoyingly beautiful Tuesday in May — over the damn phone, mind you, which whatever, it’s COVID. Fine — You told me you felt like you had been putting more effort into us.
At the time, I didn’t react, but I’ve been thinking about how angry that statement made me. Makes me, actually. I was always very open with how much I gave to that relationship. How much it meant to me. How much it affected me. But I understand that with some people, sharing everything too much equates to things not meaning anything anymore. But you out of all people should’ve known that I mean everything I say.
I felt like I gave so much. I know I gave so much. When I told you I loved you, I always meant it. Every single time. When I told you I missed you, I always meant it. I wished you were right next to me at that moment. I mentally gave so much, because to me, I wanted to. You were always on my mind, always high up on my list of priorities. I never took us for granted.
I’ve been questioning if that was the same for you. Did you start becoming complacent?
The second thing you said that day that hasn’t left my head is that you knew me pretty well. And initially, I remember not thinking much of it. So I don’t doubt that; you always knew right when I was about to cry, even over the phone. You often knew when I was mad or upset, but when I look back now, you never pushed. Which is a good thing, to an extent. But it was a bad thing sometimes too. I knew you often wanted to give me space, but sometimes I didn’t want space. I wanted you to push. To try to understand. Maybe that’s unfair of me; it probably is. I should just say I want to talk about it more, right?
But if you genuinely knew me, you would’ve known.
After two years, seven months and 12 days, I still feel like I didn’t know you. Did I ever know you at all?
When people talked shit about you, I always defended you. And I still would defend you now. But lately, I've questioned what I’m even defending. All those good qualities that I thought you had, were they even real? Of course, I know some of them were, to a certain extent. But as I look back on us, there’s a lot of doubt about whether I even knew the person I called my boyfriend for so long. I know there was a point where you cared about me, but I can’t remember when.
I often felt like I was letting you know so much about my life, but you didn’t do the same. I get that sometimes a person just wants to forget about the bad and focus on the good with a person you like for awhile. I get that. But once that was happening every damn time? That should’ve been a red flag.
June 7, 2020 (twenty eight days post break-up, outside my childhood room on the deck)
I don’t understand how you can give so much to something or someone and have it not be recognized or appreciated or enough. If I wasn’t enough for you, how will I be enough for anyone?
I hope one day you’ll truly understand how much this hurt. Not just the breakup, but feeling like I was always being pulled in a direction I didn’t always want to be pulled in. Feeling I was stuck between a rock and a hard place and never ever being able to win. I hate that I settled so much in the last year. Because I should’ve demanded more, even though deep down I knew you were never going to be able to give it to me.
I think back to our past daily texts, and I just don’t get it. At one point, we both meant the things we said to each other.
Yet we still hurt each other.
This fucking hurts.
You’ve hurt me so much, but most of it wasn’t intentional, which I think is somewhat even worse. Because I’m not totally mad at you for causing the pain. You never did anything outright to cause me pain, but I still feel like you did.
Unintentional pain almost stings more than intentional.
When I asked you out that night after we were both on an emotional high, I took a chance. For once in my life, I took the leap, knowing that I could get humiliated or hurt or just straight up shot down.
Where did it all go wrong? Or, more realistically, how did we think that we could go through the wrong when it was there at the start?
I’m trying not to blame myself too much. Trying not to tell myself that I should’ve known better.
All those times, especially at the start, when I would ask you if you genuinely liked me, you always thought I was just trying to be annoying. But you never understood that I genuinely thought that way. My self confidence from the start was lacking, and you didn’t try to understand that, because I come across to everyone as confident and self-assured.
It hurt, when you would brush things off like that. I felt like you didn’t care.
And then, it got to the point where I stopped asking that question. Part of that is because I did become more confident and you did show that you cared, and part of that was because I knew it would piss you off.
The amount of things I was scared to talk about with you because I knew it would piss you off? I don’t wish that feeling on anybody.
I shouldn’t have been scared. I shouldn’t have been uncomfortable. But I was. And if you did notice like sometimes you claimed to, why didn’t you make it more comfortable for me? Was that too much to ask for?
So larger than life that at the end, you faded into just the smallest man who ever lived. Fuck you.
Was it too much to ask for when I just wanted to know why you were upset? You didn’t have to ever tell me the full story (lord knows there were times I didn’t), but was it too much to ask for something? You told me once that I’m the person you’ve told the most to. How? You barely told me anything. And when I wanted to talk to you, whether it was about growing up in Alaska or why you were in a bad mood last night, you always brushed it off. Always.
So I don’t feel so bad about feeling like I gave more effort. I gave so much of myself to you. If you really cared about me like you claimed you did, why couldn’t you show even just 1% of that care back? Or just meet me in the middle?
I could’ve tried harder to meet you in the middle, I’ll admit that. But you didn’t even give me a map or a clue how to.
I felt so fucking left in the dark. I felt left in the dark about my own fucking relationship, something that I should be completely sure about. If you really love someone and care about them, how can you leave them in the dark? How could you not even see that I was struggling to find a flashlight?
You did care about me. I know that. To some extent and at some point in time, you did care about me. But caring about someone and their well-being isn’t always enough.
Why couldn’t you have worked with me? When I was extending my hand out, why didn’t you reach for it? How can someone just be so blind? I mean, I’m practically always spelling it out for you.
Maybe I am being selfish. But fuck, I just wanted to be happy. At some point, you made me happy. When did I start making you feel like I wasn’t enough? Why wasn’t I enough for you?
It’s useless, in a way, to keep going about this. Because I know I deserve better. And we’ll both find people who are better for us. We just couldn’t be that person to each other.
I fucking loved you.
I wish it ended differently.
July 8, 2020 (fifty nine days post-breakup, in front of the lake)
I really really fucking miss you.
I do.
I miss being able to text you that i love you and not necessarily expecting a response until the next morning. I miss knowing that as soon as you wake up, you’ll text me back and assure me that yeah, you love me too.
I’m left feeling bittersweet as I look back on memories that are just splashes and not definite strokes on the canvas that used to be us.
I miss having you as a friend.
I’ve been having more urges lately to want to text you. And it isn’t even anything important. Just moments I experience throughout the day.
Do you get the urge to do the same?
July 19, 2020 (seventy days post-breakup, still in the same damn house)
It’s hard. It really is. And it kinda just hits you at random parts of the day. Sometimes I wake up from a dream that you were in and have to remind myself that it didn’t happen.
Sometimes it physically aches when I realize that you won’t ever help me put on my jacket again, or complain that my hair is in your face when we’re lying on the couch watching Brooklyn Nine Nine, or groan when I drag you up to dance with me (which you never improved on, no matter how many times I tried to teach you basic rhythm). I can’t view our song the same way anymore, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to.
The other day, I read some simple thing on Twitter. I don’t even remember what it was, but I do remember that for a split second, I could see your smile in my mind. But it wasn’t just any smile. It was the smile you gave me when you took me ice skating that first time. I remember asking you what you were smiling at, and you said that you just were taking in this moment. I don’t know if you took a mental picture that day, but I know I did. That day seems so long ago now.
In almost anything I do, you somehow pop into my mind or into the conversation. And it’s not even in a harmful way either. It’s because you were part of my life for so long. I see a dog on the street, and it reminds me of how you always stopped to pet every single one we’s see I write something in my messy handwriting, and I remember how you always used to complain that you couldn’t read the notes I’d occasionally leave around your place when you went away. I went to the doctor’s the other day, and they said I was 5 feet and 3 inches, which is just definitely not true, and I almost reached for my phone to text you, because you would’ve cackled and insisted that no, I’m 5 feet 2 inches and it wouldn’t even matter because I’ll always be shorter than you. It’s simple and minute things that make me miss you that much more.
I still can’t listen to some songs the same way anymore, but I can at least listen to them now, which is a feat in itself. I was unpacking from college and found the teddy bear you sent me the first extended time we had to be apart and had to immediately put that out of my sight. From those boxes also came photos that I had decorated my dorm room with, and to be honest, I’m glad now that I let you keep our best one. I deal with all my emotions, besides writing, by making Spotify playlists, and I made a new one earlier this week. I think it’s helping. It’s a slow process, this whole moving on thing, but it’s one that I’m trying to be grateful for, because like most things in life, you just don’t truly know until you go through it.
Sometimes, I find myself wondering how you are and how you’re healing. But, even though we’ve both changed since the day we met, if there’s one thing I know, it’s that you’re incredibly strong and stubborn. I hope that you’re finding some growth in this process too.
October 17, 2020 (one hundred fifty seven days post-break up, apartment in orono)
It’s been almost 5 months, and you still cross my mind everyday.
Why wasn’t I enough for you? Why didn’t you fucking tell me what you were thinking? Why was I the one who had to approach you just because I was just so done with the silent treatment?
But I’m not mad at you. Not anymore. The mad phase passed ages ago.
Closure is a fake word. Even a breakup as mutual and smooth as ours was still left me with so many questions that will probably never be answered.
Any breakup fucks you up to some extent. I knew it was going to mess me up even back when we were together. But not like this. Never like this.
But like anything in life, I guess you can never really prepare for what you think you might feel, because most of the time, you discover a whole new side of you that you never thought existed.
I don’t miss you. I don’t. I don’t feel that love in any way anymore.
But I did once.
You did too, right?
November 15, 2020 (one hundred eighty six days post break-up, fogler library)
I hate Halloween.
Though, it did bring me to you three years ago. I’m pretty sure I fell in love with you right then and there.
Three years later, you texted me on Halloween, five months after our breakup. The universe really, really wanted to fuck with me.
It was a tough night for you. I knew that. Because I know how you are after losing a game you should’ve won. But that didn’t mean that I owed you anything and had to respond.
We agreed on no contact if we ever wanted to stay friends. Clearly, friends is out of the picture now, but come on. A vulnerable text after a bad night because you know I would feel bad for you?
Fuck, you know how much I would hate that. You had to have known.
Just because we’re not dating anymore doesn’t mean that everything about you just disappears. I still know your tendencies. I still know exactly how my head burrows into your chest during a hug. I still know the actions I used to do that would be followed by you attacking me with a hug. I still could point you out in a crowd.
I looked for you in every crowd for years.
That stuff doesn’t just go away, no matter how much I want it to. But fuck. Fuck. Why did you text me?
I don’t regret how I handled it. I probably would’ve responded months ago. But just like you, I’ve grown these last couple of months.
It was comforting, for a split second, to know that maybe, just maybe, these past couple of months have been hard for you too. It makes me feel human. It makes me feel like I’m not crazy.
I’m glad you texted me. You gave me another level of closure I hadn’t known that I needed until then.
But fuck, dude. You know me better than that. You should know me better than that.
I hate Halloween.
November 26, 2020 (one hundred ninety seven days, at the coffee shop i brought you to when you came home with me two years ago)
I don’t regret loving you, but I hate you for what you did to me.
Or maybe not.
I hate knowing that even though we haven’t been in a relationship in a bit, it feels like sometimes, you’re on my mind the exact same amount when we were dating. I hate knowing that I gave so much of myself and my love to you, and it always felt unrecognized.
Fuck, will it ever stop hurting? Will I ever be able to have to stop myself from thinking about you? Will it ever stop?
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Happy birthday. I hope you enjoy it.
June 12, 2021 (three hundred ninety five days post-break up, in boston, visiting a friend)
Tonight, when a friend asked me about you and how I felt about how we ended, I was able to articulate my thoughts clearly. I’m really proud of myself for getting to a point where I can take the lessons I learned the few months after we broke up and acknowledge them in a succinct way without breaking down into tears. Just watery eyes and the occasional voice crack
I’m also proud that I can say that when we were dating, I lost a bit of myself. For months, it was really hard to admit out loud.
I’m proud of how far I’ve come. Sometimes, I wish I could call or text you about it, because I think you’d be proud too. And I know I’d be proud of you. I am, to be honest. I do break resolve once in awhile and check on you through various avenues.
I still haven’t seen you in person since the last time COVID made us say goodbye. Maybe I never will again. But day by day, I’m starting to accept that and be okay with it. I’m accepting that memories that used to be so painted in my mind are blurry or almost completely erased now. But that’s okay. Honestly, it’s probably for the best.
I wonder, when you think about it, if you think about different moments that I do. That’s the thing when something ends. You have to be okay with letting go of those moments and realizing that just because you forget them, doesn’t mean they weren’t important.
I don’t think I miss you. I hesitate in saying that. Because I’ve moved on and handled the aftermath of it better than I think both of us ever thought I could. When you hung up the phone for the last time, I proved to myself again that I’m stronger than I give myself credit for. I think we all are. But we don’t realize it until we’re thrown into a situation that we think we’ll never be able to overcome.
But we do. Whether it’s because we’re forced to because there’s no other option, it doesn’t matter. Because we get through. We move on.
I hope you're moving on.
And then it goes into other topics, graduating during a pandemic specifically and losing what’s supposed to be your last year of no responsibilities before adulthood. There are other poems in here that reference a past relationship, but not as much as these eight.
If there’s one thing that Noelle did change, it was taking out the details. Jeremy may have hurt her, but he doesn’t deserve someone possibly making a connection between these poems and their shared background. She’s not a famous author by any means, but she wanted to be careful.
Not that she makes that part of her life publicly known. People don’t need to know that her brother was Jeremy’s captain for two years at Maine and that’s how they met.
Noelle grew up going to rinks. She hasn’t gone to one since they broke up.
But also, what the fuck? It’s been five years since she’s dated the guy. She really is over it by now, even if his rise to stardom in the Bruins flittering on her social media feeds still sometimes has her swallowing a bit before she can continue with her day.
Brooklyn is far enough from Boston. But sometimes it feels like it’s right outside her door.
She’s proud of her first published work. She really is. People believed in her and after numerous notes swapped back and forth with her editor, she did it. She always knew she wanted to work in publishing. She never knew she herself would publish anything.
And here she is now, two weeks after the book release, in Boston, about to do a q&a and a signing. Apparently, “miscellaneous” has been on top of numerous lists and it’s flying off the shelves. Noelle can’t really believe it and tries not to think about it too much, trusting her agent with all of that.
She’s happy to talk about her work and process though. That she can handle. And she’s grateful for all the love.
After a signing at a local bookstore, she decides to walk the 20 minutes home in the Boston fall. It’s a bit brisk, but she doesn’t mind and she just wanders, belly filled with delicious sushi she inhaled for dinner with an old friend.
Of course it happens the one time during her walk when she doesn’t avoid eye contact with someone. The song playing in her earbuds fade out of her focus and she almost stumbles.
Jeremy’s eyes were always Noelle’s favorite thing about him. She thought she would’ve forgotten what they looked like by now. But clearly she hasn’t.
Her eyes quickly cast to the person next to him. It’s definitely a girl. They’re a bit too far away for Noelle to pick out details. But it’s enough. He’s walking on the side closest to the street. It’s a Friday Night in a bustling part of the city.
It hurts. She wishes it didn’t.
Even from far away, she sees his eyes blink in recognition. Noelle puts her head back down and walks faster.
(She cries in the shower when she gets back to the hotel. She had debated feeling super sorry for herself and going to the hotel bar but refrained)
She has a few free days in Boston before flying back to New York. When she wakes up the next morning, she debates on going home early. But no, she won’t let a three second glance at someone ruin her time here. She used to occasionally come here during her college days. She loves this city.
The city may be Jeremy’s, but she can make space for herself here too.
She takes her time at a cafe, people watching and eating some breakfast. As she takes her coffee to-go, she looks out the window at the bookstore she was in the night before for the signing. She almost drops her coffee.
Jeremy walks into the book store.
Now, Noelle is debating her options. What she should do is continue with her day and walk in the opposite direction. But she’s always been too nosy for her own good. And maybe a bit self destructive. She decides to leave the cafe and cross the street immediately, so impatient to where she’s almost tapping her foot as the pedestrian signal stays red.
As a writer, she’s no stranger to movie moments. The scenes written in books or movies where the timing is too accurate to be real. The situation too good to be true. But after a car speeds through an orange and she can finally walk, she stops in her tracks instead, feet glued down to the sidewalk.
Because Jeremy is right in front of her on the other side of the street. Her book in his hand. And he’s looking right at her.
The first feeling she can recognize in herself is anger. Anger at the way their relationship panned out. Anger at the way they ended. Anger at the radio silence the years following. Anger at him for everything. Angry at herself for everything.
The second feeling is, weirdly, shame, which she’s embarrassed by. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. But she feels it anyways.
The third, and perhaps the most prominent, is emptiness. Five fucking years later, and she’s brought back to the emptiness she felt immediately after they broke up. The emptiness that the person you loved isn’t yours anymore — who maybe wasn’t ever yours to begin with.
Before she can run, he’s already crossed the street to her. He looks naturally different as someone who you haven’t seen in five years would. But he also heartbreakingly looks the same.
“We should get out of people’s way,” Noelle manages to chokes out.
Jeremy laughs a bit. Her heart lurches. “Yeah.” He starts walking and she follows him wordlessly. This is his city after all.
He leads them to a bench under a tree with beautiful fall foliage. She puts at least a foot between them as they both sit down, staring out at the people passing. She can’t take the silence.
“I see you bought my book.”
“I did,” he replies evenly. “Congratulations. I always knew you would do it.”
She squeezes her eyes shut. Maybe if she squeezes hard enough she’ll forget when she originally pitched Jeremy the bare bones idea of the exact same book that’s currently in his hand. “Thank you. Congratulations to you too. On everything.”
“You’ve been watching?”
She shakes her head. “No. But, you know Seth and…yeah. It comes up during family calls sometimes.”
“Why didn’t you say hi last night?”
She looks pointedly at a couple walking their dog. “You seemed busy.”
“She wasn’t-that-it doesn’t mean anything.”
“Oh. Because that makes me feel so much better,” she spits out, before taking a deep breath. “Whatever. It doesn’t matter. We broke up ages ago.”
“I’m sorry,” she gives him a look and is slightly proud of how he seems to shrink into himself a bit. “I-I know it’s five years too late. I know I didn’t handle it as well as I should’ve. But for what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”
The thing is, Noelle always thought that maybe hearing an apology someday would make her feel better. But now that’s heard it, she’s not sure she does.
She swallows. “I appreciate that.”
“I’ve already read it, you know.”
“Read what?”
Jeremy runs a hand through his hair. “Your book. One of my teammate’s girlfriend recommended it and I asked to borrow it. It’s fantastic,” He looks down at the book in his hand. It’s like the cover is taunting her. “I wanted my own copy.”
“Oh.”
“Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For letting me off the hook with the poems I know were about me,” he scoffs, shaking his head at himself. “You could’ve written way worse.”
She can’t help but let out a chuckle. “I thought I was pretty mean.”
“Your definition of ‘pretty mean’ is tame compared to a lot of people,” he says, mindlessly flipping through the pages of the book. “You were always the kindest person, even when you shouldn’t have been..”
He puts his hand out in her direction, the hand with the book in it. She furrows her eyebrows. “What-”
“Could I get a signed copy?”
“Jeremy. What do you want from me?”
He sighs, taking his hand back. “A chance to apologize?”
“You’ve already done that.”
“Not in the way I want to and what you deserve.”
She lets out a sigh, turning to face him fully. “I don’t know if that would be worth my time or yours. I know the book just came out, but that was five years ago. I’m over it. Forgive and forget, right?”
“But do you?” Jeremy counters back. “Clearly, you don’t forget, which I deserve. But forgive?”
“We’re just going in circles now.”
“No we’re not,” he says firmly. “You’re just shutting me down because you don’t want to talk about it. I’ve had five years to prepare what I would say to you if I saw you again. You’re telling me you haven’t?”
“Of course I have,” Noelle tips her head back. “But also, what’s the point?”
“The point, is that I still love you.”
“Fuck you,” she says in a strained voice. “You can’t just-you can’t just throw that shit out there. Fuck you.”
He bites his lip, and to her annoyance, he laughs. But she listens more carefully, and it sounds very self deprecating. “I deserved that.”
“Yeah,” Noelle looks down at her feet. “So…what? You still love me?”
“I do.”
“And what are you going to do about that?”
“What are you going to let me do?”
“I live in Brooklyn.”
“I know,” she whips her head up. Jeremy looks sheepish, which she didn’t even think was something he knew how to do. “Seth mentioned it when we caught up a bit ago. I also still follow you on Instagram.”
She tries again. “It’s been five years.”
“And I’m here sitting with you and still feel the exact same way I did back then. Even more, to be honest.” He eyes her pointedly. “Any more excuses?”
Her voice softens. “You really hurt me.”
“I know. And I’m so sorry, Noelle.”
“I hurt you too.”
He shrugs. “We were young and stupid.”
“And we’re still not?” Noelle says with a snort before swallowing. “I’m not the same person you fell in love with.”
“I’m sure I’m not either. But I don’t know if there’s a world where I don’t love every version of you.”
“Even after reading the book?”
“Especially after reading the book,” he sighs. “Noelle, I know this is unfair of me. All of this. And I’m sorry it’s taken me this long to reach out. But I always intended to. And then you’re here? And I see you twice in two days? I’d be an idiot to not try. More of an idiot than I am, anyways.”
“Try for what?”
“A second chance? To be friends? Whatever you want.” He suddenly deflates. “Even if you don’t want anything to do with me. At least I’ll know.”
“Why did you never text me?”
“I thought about it a lot,” he admits. “I tried once, actually, after the high of a really good win. But it didn’t go through. I got the message.”
“The message?”
“You blocked me, right?”
Oh. “Yeah,” she lies. “I did.” She reaches into her bag for a pen and gestures for the book, which he gives to her, a curious gleam in his eyes. “I’m in Boston for two more days, including today.”
He takes the hint immediately. Eagerly. “I have a game tonight, but I’m free tomorrow.”
“Who are you guys playing?”
“Toronto. And I’m starting. Should be a good one.”
She hums non-committedly, scribbling on the inside of the front cover. She hands it back to him with a small, close-lipped smile. She nods at him to read the message.
to my first fan,
i still love you too.
xxx-xxx-xxxx
yours,
noelle
He looks up, eyes shining but a bit confused.
“I never blocked you. I just changed my number.”
“Oh.”
“And even if I still love you, I’m still mad at you.”
“I know. I’d be more surprised if you weren’t.”
She stands up, adjusting the bag on her shoulder and putting her sunglasses on. “Text me?”
His mouth splits wide into a grin. “Yeah. Yeah, of course.”
She backs away with one last attempt at a smile before turning down the street.
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Okay, i wont vote biden. If trump wins we get illegal trans care in multiple states, stricter border patrol thats only gonna get worse, probably a pipeline to fix gas prices, more bans in florida, more police funding, still no financial aid, more covid denial, more republican jurisdiction actions, AND israel will still be funded to bomb palestine. What do we do. No solution has been provided people just keep saying dont vote and dont think about your future.
anon you really need to stop being so self-absorbed. literally nobody cares that you're voting for biden, in fact most probably assume just by your mannerisms & political disposition. Nobody on the post is telling you not to vote, you're not important or novel enough that your actions take up any mental space whatsoever.
All that's being asked is to not have an aneurysm when people say they're not voting for biden & to stop acting like normal people's decisions on voting is based off of who's most belligerent to them online, instead of their degree of subjectively-experienced engagement with the candidate's promises/track record & whether they believe the candidate will materially improve their lives. Most people dont vote because they don't feel the political process materially benefits them. The only way that will ever change is if the political process materially benefits them. Until then you're yelling at a brick wall.
Anyway
said the same thing in the comments of that post. I've provided this solution time and time again. This isnt even that radical of a solution nor is it something vague and indeterminate 'burn down the system!!!1!!'. Today unionization is in a massive upswing, meaning this is actually much easier to do with much more tangible outcomes than any time in the last like. 40 years. Concrete steps can be taken, today.
Or you could just continue trying to shame and berate the brick wall. your choice idgaf, just go whine somewhere else that's not my inbox
#'covid denial' remind me what covid protection measures the biden admin's currently taking#did you just copy and paste this from 2020#like yeah the radlibs who just posture and say 'burn it all down' are annoying and dont have actual tangible ways to connect means to ends#your intuition is right on that#thats not me tho
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ok
Please report @m2kitwz for copying my writings and claiming that im the one copying her "work"
^gotta prove that I didn't copy m2kitwz "work"
For the baby scenario, it was requested.
So was the birthday scenario, and ik you didn't write it, but neither did you write the baby scenario
Here's the rough drafts of my writings. They have weird titles but if you look back at the original post on my account, they were posted on the same day and a couple minutes apart bc I was editing them
Here's proof that I also made my own cover of the book. Why would I have the same cover of "your book"? If I truly copied it, that'd be dumb. It was a different cover from back in the day too but here's a screenshot.
It's true that the baby scenario is popular, but why would I wait a month to publish the writing if I could easily copy and paste it (if I truly copied from you) the next day or two weeks?
These are the pics you used to prove that I'm "copying" you, but you also said that you made it private for only you can see it, right? But tell me why the amount/total of reads and stars are different if nobody else can read this book that you apparently made?
❗⚠️❗⚠️❗If you truly wrote my writings....why don't you publicly open the Wattpad book up, that you apparently made, for everyone to read? We can see if the comments are still there and see if they truly add up to what they are responding to. ❗From what I can see here as well is that you have 30 chapters in "your book" while mine has 22...so let's see these 8 other chapters that you have created! But you can't prove it unless you make "your book" public again and it's gotta be in the next couple of 1-3 days bc if you take about two weeks to make it public , we'll believe that you made 8 new chapters during these two weeks, but you have no need to make these 8 chapters if you got it all set and ready to go!❗⚠️❗⚠️❗
Just got proof that your "Wattpad account", 'behind you' , isn't even your account.
❤️🖤"L Take Skill Issue" - Dazai 🖤❤️
Also my Wattpad account was made in Feb 2020. Idk if that's proof but there's that.
Don't know what else to say, but if you did create these writings into Wattpad 2016 why would I copy and paste every single one onto the app, i use to write, and use them until 8 years later? Kinda far fetched
@m2kitwz (the one who's made copies my writings) anymore proof you need, darling? Id happily made a screen recording if you need it too. Idk how you photoshopped it or something to make it look like you wrote my writings in 2016 but that's cool
Also some of these pics are taken by taking a picture of my computer screen
⚠️Edit : Please don't send death threats or anything hateful to my copier 🙏🙏 just report them please ⚠️
#Ok#bsd fyodor#bsd headcanons#Bsd smut#Ranpo smut#bsd x reader#ranpo x reader#atsushi smut#BSD#bsd atsushi#bsd dazai#bsd chuuya#bungo stray dogs#Fyodor smut#bsd fyodor dostoevsky#Chuuya smut#Sigma Smut#Dazai smut#bsd imagines#dazai osamu#bsd sigma#head cannons#sigma bungou stray dogs#bungou stray dogs
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dumb idea — gojo x gn!reader
ᴀ/ɴ: for some reason, this scenario popped in my head so I popped it on tumblr; behold my blurbs and result of many brainrots also this is tiny bit suggestive
“satoru, this is dumb,” you say exhaling before your lips find their way to his neck again, kissing and nibbling and you feel his hands grip your hips tighter.
he groans, “yeah yeah, just continue what you’re doing,” he lets out a soft huff of air trying to compose himself, “fuck…please.”
you indulge him a bit more before you finally detach yourself from his neck to look at him, “okay, that’s enough.”
gojo whines, “aw, come on!”
you roll your eyes before you go the mirror and start wiping your smudged lipstick and clean your face, “I still don’t see the objective in doing this.”
he laughs, “of course you don’t,” you glare at him causing him to clear his throat, “I mean, that you don’t understand how as a man, I am very happy to be marked by you.”
“satoru, you can literally wipe them away,” you deadpan.
he shakes his head, “but I won’t!”
you pause for a moment, “but you have classes to teach today.”
he grins devilishly, and you sigh making his grin break into laughter.
so now his students are faced by their teacher who is beaming, and is very much covered by lip stains all over his cheek and neck.
nobara is the first to speak, more like gasp, “how dare you?!”
he turns to her with a smile, “dare I what?”
“CHEAT ON Y/N-SENSEI?!”
satoru pauses and his smile turns into a rather confused one, “when did I do that exactly?”
“shameless! even coming with the lip stains all over you?!”
gojo’s mouth forms an o before he laughs, “I didn’t cheat on y/n; I would never cheat actually.”
silence fills the room.
“…then?”
megumi frustrated speaks up, “it’s obvious he made y/n do this.”
“why do you all assume that I force y/n to do things?!”
once again everyone is silent.
“do you really want us to answer?”
he shakes his head before sighing, finally starting the lesson.
“I CAN’T BELIEVE THAT’S ACTUALLY THEIR REACTION!” you, who has been laughing for the past couple of minutes, say to your pouting and disappointed husband.
he whines, “just how low do they think of me?”
“at least megumi trusts you,” you say in hopes of lifting his spirits up.
“after all this time, I would be worried if he didn’t.”
taglist: @magenta-cat-drawingss @pompompurin1028 @scul-pted @dazaisdeathwish @requiem626k @nameless-shrimp @shinys-bsd-world-1 @sonder-paradise @ravenina14 @jessbeinme15s-notebook @todorokichills @missrown @shrynkk @simplyxsinned @beautiful-is-boring @bakugossanity @izukus-gf @irethepotato @thekaylahub @luciferspen @waosobii @aeanya @sweetcloudsimp @fiona782 @ginneko @kisakitwister @iamjustasimpxd @psychopotatomeme
copyright © 2020 tender-rosiey
do not copy or plagiarize or you will be reported
#anime#saturo gojo#gojo satoru x reader#satoru gojou#jujutsu kaisen gojo#gojo hcs#gojou satoru x reader#gojo imagine#gojo satoru#gojo x reader#gojo x y/n#gojo headcanons#gojo x you#jjk x you#jjk oneshot#jjk#jjk fluff#jjk x y/n#jjk gojo#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen scenarios#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujustu kaisen
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I just remembered a project I worked on for a while in like 2021 (maybe 2020) and it had a LOT of akumatized marinette's
That was the idea behind the whole thing but man I did one by one and found some of the most obscure akumatized marinette au's
Sooooo I'm dragging these drawings up from the ashes and maybe it'll be a nice surprise for some of y'all to see
yall got ✨fanart✨
and possibly reminded of miraculous ladybug HA
usually these were done on different canvas's (that were like 250x250) and then just... copied onto a larger canvas??? Mistakes were made and I was insane
A handful of these akumanette's were actually made by me cause apparently... roughly 18 other marinette's wasn't enough
Click for quality and this is a long post
First of all, shoutouts to my own akuma abominations creations.
First image, the ladybug with the red long hair? yeah the idea was the akuma bug seen in canon in like, s2 (also shown next to her) but updated for the new look in s4. Vry original we'll give it a 6/10
I don't remember too much for the middle one that is slightly dimmer. Though I do remember that was the kind of IDEA behind her. She's also holding a knife cause of course. Why have magical powers to kill people when you can harness the power of K N I F E 7/10
I remember a little more about the jester marinette in the back. She had a whole thing with medieval research, jester research, and she also wanted to stab Lila cause everyone wanted to stab lila at the time. 9/10 cause I had a fun time with her
Then the robinhood poster mari was a robin hood akuma mari. 3/10 not original
NEXT
Slightly canon to downright canon
Ladyblanc was a popular akumanette idea so slightly canon, I didn't base it off of anyone's au
Ladybug and Marinette are there because what's the fun of a crossover if the og doesn't get to panic along with the rest of them????
Last image, not talking about persecuter, we'll get to her in a bit. I just thought it would be funny at the time if I included Chloe and Antibug cause... haha
Antibug is kinda an akumatized lb rip off soooo
OTHER'S AU'S
what you've been waiting for
Thank god I kept track of credit (pats past me on the back)
First of all, at the very front we got @zoe-oneesama 's devil au that made an updated appearance in her scarlet lady au, love to see it
You'll also notice little devil bug on lb's knee in the sketch
Alopeka is to the left of Devil au, by @piearsonist
hi betcha you never would have guessed you got FANARTED HA
This is a post that explains that akumatized marinette, and you'll find more if you go to her page
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND
Princess justice at the right by @kibouwmlb (also, hello hi, surprise) and honestly it is SUCH a pretty design OMYWORD I love the watercolors
Twiddling her thumbs, minding her business. Remember the release of Descendants 3? Yeah, Queen of Mean baby. And MORE by @shiinaeu hi you are a legend to me
This was so fun to draw at the time and I was experimenting in ways I hadn't before. Peak youtube miraculous ladybug fixation meeting art interest. First one of the characters I did fun fact
@edendaphne betcha you didn't expect fanart of that one scorpion akumanette well THINK AGAIN (also, crazy that this was around when I did your dtiys I just realized, huh)
ANd then slightly more obscure, though the post does have 173 ish notes so, is @skullqueensart 's akumanette right here
Why does akumanette have sunken cheeks here? I have no clue honestly. Take it up with me from 3 years ago and maybe you'll get answers who knows. She's also just... chilling. Looking at nothing. Into the abyss.
Not now chloe's, we are discussing persecutor now.
Love the story idea honestly and the akuma design is so god tier AKUMA that oof @yiprincessart I love it
Oh uh, and chloe will be fine
:)
CAN👏I👏 TALK👏 ABOUT👏 HER
She is the moment, she is beauty, she is grace
@artist-from-outersp-ace I love her. She looks so SO pretty!! At the time I loved your artstyle and I still do!! Too bad at the time I didn't know that Tumblr works by reblogging. I will be amending that.
I also remember being SO frustrated when drawing her that I didn't get a timelapse saved in time to show the drawing process :(
But I did love figuring out folds in the dress and the coloring process! Figuring out how to replicate elements in your art!
srs guys. Look at the RUFFLES
Alright, we are all agreeing to be accomplices and bystanders to Akuma jester marinette's NOT MURDER murder of Lila in the background? Okay good.
@lunian I have fanart for you~
And when I tell you I struggled with her design, I STRUGGLED. I ended up satisfied in the end but the curls bro, we lost the curls
But I do love her concepts and powers and I did back then too
And next to her, Okay, I never fully finished, mostly because I couldn't figure out how to get the hand to work with the tray balance thingie
@ladybub made this Lady Justice design and I WILL BE THERE when the comic updates. Or... if they aren't able to continue the comic that's also fine too <3 Life happens
Still love this au and the unique way for Marinette to get akumatized! Me and my sister bonded over our love over it!
I think this might be the first akumanette that isn't on tumblr to my knowledge. They are on Instagram tho @stivenwithani
Anyway I really liked the concept and the design just, reeked, of akuma that I included her
Okay more that I didn't really finish
We got another Princess/Lady Justice akuma idea at the left. Which I never kept track of the credit DANG IT I WAS DOING SO WELL
I'll update if I find the credit but man the OG did really well with the art.
And I have this akumanette comforting Lacrima from... a very graphic and whump fanfic Longest Night, read the tags
Anyway, Lacrima needs all the love she can get (also, funny enough, is the oldest out of this "gathering" of akumanette's)
It's not finished but hey @p-artsypants I gave angst ridden Lady Lacrima friends and fanart so.... yay...
AND THEN THE LAST ONE
was victim to so much reposting I could never find credit for it- UNTIL NOW
but the artist unfortunately deactivated their blog so that explains why I couldn't find their username all that time ago
It was a cool idea and I always love when creators take inspiration from how similar Marinette's name is to another word for a kind of puppet "Marionette"
But before I forget, I'll end this post on one of my akumanette's that I tried to squeeze in but never got to. But I did make more art for and I remember the story!
I remember having a background planned but I never really got around to it. Basically the story was that marinette got akumatized but managed to take off her earrings in time. I think the reason for her akumatization was connected to figuring out the secrets that Emilie had been hiding with the peacock miraculous (BEFORE we knew that adrien was a sentimonster).
Tikki had to bring the earrings to Chat Noir and he had to find someone that looked ENOUGH like Ladybug that Hawkmoth wouldn't notice as much that Ladybug wasn't actually there. Enter Mireille cause at the time a few people were pointing out how similar she looked to the dupain chengs.
Akumanette's powers had something to do with casting depression? I think? In the form of dragons? Oh, Also she travels by walking on the dragons so thats cool
I don't remember everything but I did have a lot planned for her.
10/10 just because I had a fun time with her
#tw old art#Don't Cringe at Old Art Challenge GO#long post#rambling about art and stories#akumatized!marinette#akumatized marinette#I'll add all the tags for the others ltr#miraculous ladybug#lady justice#princess justice#akumatized ladybug#I put this in my drafts in april and it's time to stop being socially anxious and just post it
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Survey Dates: 11/15/2023 - 12/15/2023
Number of Participants: 326
Tumblr will not allow me to post pictures of all the survey results, so only part of them are included in this post. You can download and view the complete results here or view them in the BSD-Bibliophile Online Library.
Thank you to everyone who participated! If you are interested in viewing the results from past surveys, here are the results from 2018, 2019, 2020, 2021, and 2022.
View the complete survey results here or on the BSD-Bibliophile Online Library.
Comments:
( ╹▽╹ )
(. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)
:)
:3
All my favs are the ones who aren't from Japan💀
As a huge bsd fan, I admire how commited you are to the blog. Have a good day, as well as a happy new year!!!!! I´ve been filling out your annual surveys since 2020, and I´m glad that you still carry them every year. Thanks!!
BSD Bibliophile is generally such a cool and useful resource, I’ve used it both for fun as well as for school work (I didn’t have my physical copy of Akutagawa’s works with me and needed to cite “Spinning Gears”/“Cogwheels”). Thank y’all for everything you do!
BSD-Bibliophile, the website and the Tumblr posts have been invaluable to me in my literary journey. I thank you so much for your service to the community, I can't express how happy I am that the lesser known or completely unknown authors are getting more western attention. Thank you so much!!
comments on my answers: I used to own more books but when I emigrated I could bring only one. The book I brought here from Russia is Dazai’s stories collection. Since many of the books are available in Japanese for free, I also read them on aozora app.
Finding Japanese literature from these authors is actually pretty difficult in Scotland. Also, Dazai and Nakahara are such fangirl answers, but I actually adore both of their works
First of all, sorry for my horrendous English 💀 I love this page so much! I was absolutely lost as to where to read the translations of the LN, wan! And others, it had been so helpful for me when it comes to my time enjoying BSD. Also, I enjoyed a lot that one section of like fun facts of the real authors and I was so happy when I found the bunch of English translation of the real authors, it really made my day.Now when I want to read a book of the real authors, or read something BSD related I know where ti search for first! I absolutely adored all the work you put into this (or the team (?) I don't know how mane people is running the page:(), thank you for all of it, keep going! 💗
for the images included on posts; the only thing i don't like about them is that they're a bit too tall (making the post look too long as well). i think images would still be nice if they were longer width than height! also, thank you for all of the work you do running bsd bibliophile! you've put together such an amazing and invaluable resource for bsd fans and non-fans alike.
Great work!
Have a nice day!!
Hello! - princy :3
Honestly, I would read stuff by the authors but I just don't have that kind of money
hope you are having a great day!
I absolutely love BSD it made me get into japness literature, as well did Bungo To Alchemist. ALSO BSD LIGHT NOVEL ON TOP!!
I appreciate the work you do! It has really expanded my taste in literature, and for that I am very grateful <3
I appreciate your work🥰😘❤
I believe that having more of a separation from the BSD characters and the real life authors in the bibliophile’s posts would be highly appreciated from a lot of other people; and not just myself
I bought Summer of the Ubume by Kyougoku Natsuhiko when it still was in print in English. I took it with me when rereading and lost my copy. I’m kicking myself years later for not buying a used copy for $50. Earlier this year I was able to borrow a copy from a library and took a picture of every page so I can keep it with me that way. I was delighted to find a scan PDF of the novel when your tumblr linked stories to read for Halloween. Thank you for sharing and thank you whomever made that scan. The BSD Gaiden novel is my favorite thing from BSD and I’m deeply thankful to the person who shared their amazing fan translation. It’s led me to buying all of the English translations of Ayatsuji’s works, plus the two volumes of the manga. I’m a newer follower of your tumblr, but have enjoyed reading each new quote and seeing ones I’ve recognized. Thank you for your work, it’ll definitely be inspiration when I want to read more Japanese literature.
I enjoy the BSD-Bibliophile page on tumblr! I like reading parts (?) of the authors' works and i've become more interested in their works. Thanks for all that you do!! :D
I have the page bookmarked in my browser so that I can check it out from time to time. Also I love Chuuya
I honestly love this website like literally. This bibliophile has helped me Soo much like finding the authors I want to read and learning more about the authors featured. Honestly, words can't describe how grateful I am that this site being created to help accessing literature more easier
I just want you to know that i adore all the effort that goes into this page and that its (In my opinion) a staple of the fandom
I look forward to the survey every year to see how far I’ve come in interacting with Japanese literature. Thanks for running the blog and library, it’s an amazing resource. Best, Comical tuber
I love BSD bibliophile so damn much, whatever BSD related author work and BSD manga (both wan and anthologies) weren't possible for me to find this easily. This website is the work of art. My favourite place
I love BSD-Bibliophile Online Library! Thank you for managing it!
I love the 'recently published' section!
I love your blog and what you do for the fandom! It really scratches the itch which is my obsession with BSD and classic/20th C literature <3
I love your site so much, it's made it so easy to get more info about Japanese authors and figure out what else I want to read. Thank you so much!i love your work!!
I personally believe that using advertisement through mangas and animes specially bsd connects me to the world of books one more time Also I’m grateful for free online websites for putting pdfs of books that I can’t easily have access in my country
I really appreciate all the information you have online here. I have learned a lot and I admire you and your passion. This might sound weird but I truly hope I can collect and read Japanese Literature and organise information as you do when I am older.
I really like your blog, keep it up :3
I really want to read Q's Dogra Magra but I think it's only been translated completely in french so far. Thank you so much for your database! It makes it so much easier to access learning.
I think it's so cool that you're doing these surveys! I think this bibliophile project is just awesome in general tho :) (also dang its hard to choose a fave char) lots of <3 <3 <3
I want to read many more books of the real authors so i cannot yet judge who my favorite will be. Dazai's works are the easiest to get access to in my country and I got Chuuya's poems as a gift so I am still hunting for more :)
I want to read some of their books but i'm to scared of telling my mom this fact
┻━┻︵ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ︵ ┻━┻
I wasn't sure if that question about reading Japanese lit was about reading it in Japanese or not
I will try to get more into this Library ! It's really good and good job for the the tumblr blog, i love it !
I would like if the quotes didn't repeat a lot– Like finding more than 4 posts of the same quote is weird to me at least... instead of doing the same authors in repetition, do more characters that have been published a few times in the blog 🙌🏻
I’m a BSD anime fan who would like to try some of the works by the authors the characters are based on but hasn’t gotten around to figuring out a good entry point for people who don’t usually read literature
I'm new to the fandom, but I'm looking forward to check out any translation that are available (I plan to read at least the work the ability is referring to for a start)
I'm so thankful for your website making Japanese literature available, as I live in a somewhat rural area. Keep up the good work!
I'm very grateful for the resources that had been accumulated by bsd bibliophile, really, I've only been able to nurture my interest in Japanese literature and grow to be passionate about it because I had such easy access to the translated works so thanks a lot for the work you do!
I've just decided to make use of the online library and I'm very excited! I'll check of Oda and Nikolai first because they are most interesting to me :)
i've remembered about the bibliophile purely by chance. in a span of a single night, i've read another media that draws heavy inspiration from japanese literature – ""hashihime of the old book town"". i say ""finished"", yet i'm only done with a single route of this novel. i plan on seeing it through the end. i am enamoured by this script. it's as If i've found true literature again. i truly do not know why im saying this. forgive me If my words are unclear in my ramblings. i am simply here to pick up some kyusaku. maybe then i will be able to fully unravel the fabric of this novel, thread by thread.
I've used this blog to help open myself up to more Japanese literature for years now, ever since I first got into bad, and I can't thank you enough for running this!
Just followed a little while ago so my answers probably aren't that helpful, sorry! I'm looking forward to going through your blog though! Hope you have a nice day/night! :)
Just started following the blog recently tbh, but I’m excited to check out the online library!
Keep up the good work!! :)
Keep up with the good work! I'm always happy to see your content
Love your blog and everything you do!!!
My 1st fav character is Atsushi, but Chuuya's also on top :))
My book count is prolly squewed as I had to go off of memory (since I left many behind in the US at my parents house). I counted Japanese fiction from non BSD authors but not manga and light novels. Also I used to watch & read BSD but no longer do so, but still enjoy Japanese literature.
sorry i took this for fun and wanna read a lot of multiple authors works but uh i havent come around to it yet (also money 😭)
Thank you :)
Thank you <3
Thank you for all the posts you have posted! I can find it hard at times to have the motivation to sit down and READ lol but you inspire me to read more with all the quotes you have shared with us on your blog. <3 Take care!
Thank you for all you do
Thank you for all you do <3
thank you for creating and running this beautiful blog anne♡✨.
Thank you for creating this amazing website ! :D through this website i can learn more about the authors and im happy because of it thank you once again !! <3
thank you for everything you do!
Thank you for letting me know of the library! I've been wanting to read the authors' works but couldn't find them along with money issues
Thank you for providing information that I could not find in anywhere else on the internet in English!
Thank you for the hardwork!! <3
thank you for you blog! literally my go to anytime i need any bsd related! it is literally invaluable and im so so grateful to you!
thank you for your hard work <3 i'm currently studying japanese, because i really want to read japanese literature in its original language and translate it, but until then i will continue relying on english translations - most of which i was only able to find on your site. again, i thank you and the translators from the bottom of my heart for providing us with such amazing resources and translations for free <3
Thank you for your hard work and efforts to share and compile the legally available works of the BSD authors! Your site has allowed me to appreciate BSD as well as Japanese literature itself a lot more.
Thank you for your hard work o7
Thank you for your hard work! Have a nice day:)
Thank you for your hard work! Was it not BSD-Bibliophile I'd be completely lost with researching irl authors and their art of writing. You helped me lots of times.
thank you for your hardwork! i appreciate what you do <3
Thank you for your work and your posts! :D
Thank you for your work at BSD-Bibliophile. For the research that I am conducting and for leisure purposes, the curated library is immensely helpful. I am happy to see that interest has grown in Japanese literature alongside the depth of available resources.
Thank you for your work! It’s always a bright spot in my day to see these quotes :)
Thank you for your work! Your blog has been a great source of information for me for a few years now. Sending love and hugs 🌸
Thank you for your work!!
Thank you so much for all you've done for the community!!!
Thank you!
Thanks :D
Thanks for all the work you do
Thanks for all your work! It's because of you guys that I've been able to read as much as I have (and will continue to do)!!!
Thanks for this resource, it's helpful as a Universal Literature student
the online library has really helped in finding japanese literature
The online library helped me so much in getting to know more about japanese literature thanks a lot for you ♥️
The website has been of great help to find my way around the literature! Truly a godsend! Keep up the great work
The world of literature is a big one & some of it aren't really that accessible. It's great that there are more people translating these previously untranslated works so we can see just how unique each author's style is
There were questions asking for "favorite Japanese BSD author", but those questions were very misleading. First of all, the characters in BSD aren't authors; they don't do or haven't done writing for living or anything along the lines. Secondly, said questions made it sound more like you were asking for whether I like Asagiri, Harukawa, Kanai, Hoshikawa or some other creators who are credited as authors of BSD. They are BSD authors, not the characters like you made it sound like in your questions. If you are asking about real-life authors who happen to have characters based on them in BSD, leave out BSD from the questions, or specify them with something like "Which Japanese author do you like the most, who has a character based on them in BSD?". Last I would like to suggest adding option to the question regarding BSD media, where people who are ex-BSD fans could specify that they've been previously fans, but don't consume or follow the series anymore. The option could be literally just "Previously have been BSD fan, but don't consume any of the official content anymore". I'm pretty sure there are plenty of people like me who have enjoyed BSD in the past, but now just enjoy Japanese literature alone or through some other medias that have nothing to do with BSD. Thanks for the annual survey as always. It's been interesting to see how much the fandom reads and who are the authors who people read in the first place. I wish more people would pay attention to some less popular authors, as there are plenty of hidden gems and your favorite author doesn't have to be the same as your favorite BSD character.
there's a redditor in r/templeofes who's working on translating dogra magra and they're working very hard :D
This blog is a national treasure, thank you all <3
This initiative is so beautiful, thank you for all the hard work.
This website is amazing!!!!!! It’s hard to find Japanese classics in America but this list has them all ❤️
Tumblr doesn't show me many of your posts, so I will try to interact more to see them ^.^
Very cool survey! Thanks
Well have have read many of Fyodor dostoevsky books but not any Japanese novels or poems
When I first got into bsd your online library was an invaluable resource and the only reason I have read works by bsd Japanese authors. I use it less now because my hyperfixation has waned but I still really appreciate all that you do and the resources made available to fans. Thank you!
will check the BDS-Bibliophile website <3 hope u have a nice day
yooo!! thanks for this super awesome survey!! happy easter <33 -a migrating tumblrer
You’re one of the best resources I have for BSD and JP literature. I’m eternally grateful for all the work you do
#bsd-bibliophile#survey#results#survey results#2023#japanese literature#bungo stray dogs#bungou stray dogs#bsd
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I'm about to make yet another lengthy post... easily my longest yet. This time, it's not about the movies or any issues I have with PAW Patrol in its current state. No, it's instead about a problem I've been dealing with... except said problem is less a what and more of a who. I'm sure some of you already know about this, but for those of you that don't, let me tell you about a person who's been a thorn in my side for three years now.
Back in October of 2020, I encountered a user who seemed to be doing the whole Daily Marshall Pics as me. However, I soon discovered they weren't just doing the same thing... they were actually using the exact screenshot I posted, the exact same hashtag, and quite often, the exact same text. They did this for every daily I posted... or just any picture, really. As soon as I'd post something, they'd immediately take it and repost it onto their account. At the time, I didn't know what to do, or if I could do anything.
Cut to around December of the same year, and I decided to make a new winter-themed avatar and banner for my Twitter account. Less than a day later, that user seen I did that and... no joke... took both and applied them to his own account. Suddenly, with him posting the exact same content with the exact same avatar and banner, his account looked exactly like mine. Some people even admitted they thought he WAS me, and a few were starting to get seriously confused. At this point, I started referring to him as my copycat, since anything I'd do or post, he'd do or post it, too.
However, this time, I confronted the user and asked him why he took my new avatar and banner. He claimed he liked them so much, he had to use them. I asked him not to, telling him that I put a lot of work into making something unique for myself, and of course, he got mad... and then, in the same reply, asked me to make something for him. Just to be nice, I made him a banner... to which he offered no gratitude.
He wouldn't change the avatar, so I created myself a new one. Not even a day later, the exact moment he seen it, he took that avatar and applied it to his account, too. Yet again, I confronted him, demanding to know why he'd do that, as well as why he didn't even thank me for making that banner I made for him. He responded by claiming that I "made him cry"... and then quickly asked me to make him an avatar, too. I ignored his request.
Near the middle of December, a pal here on Tumblr messaged me about a concern he had. He made a text post about his plans to start his own daily pics, and that user on Twitter, now on Tumblr, copied and pasted his exact post onto his own account. If he copied all of my posts, he was surely going to do the same to my pal, too. We knew we had to put a stop to this, so we came up with a solution...
On December 18, 2020, I posted my first Daily, with text indicating it was mine. We were both curious to see how that copycat would react once he seen it.
He... didn't take it well.
This was actually his fifth message; he left four other ones, mere minutes apart from each other. When I didn't reply back after ten minutes (yes, ten minutes), he said this to me. Once I seen this, I blocked him, as anyone honestly would. He quickly followed me with some alternate account of his, but I found out it was him and blocked it, too. Afterwards, I figured this was going to be end of it; just another rude, childish person on Twitter, blocked and out of my life...
...right?
Nope. Ever since that day, he's been absolutely furious with me. Even to this day, he's refuses to let it go, and his copycat tendencies and attitude has only grown worse. Ah, but let's not get ahead of ourselves... no, there's more to the story. A lot more...
To say the least, when he left that message above and found out I blocked him, he started bad-mouthing me to many other people. Just about everyone took my side, and much to my surprise, Twitter banned him. At first, that seemed like the end of it again... but nope, he simply created another account not even a half-hour later... and he went back to using my avatar and banner again, because of course.
Less than a month later, another account started following me, this time themed around Chase. Suspiciously, I was one of the first it followed... and one of the first replies they left on my tweets?
"Can you remove your watermarks?"
Gee, I wonder who this might be? I ignored the message, and their third reply was... well, I'm sure you can guess it wasn't friendly.
I blocked this account, too. Again, I hoped this would be the end of it, but of course, it wasn't. You see, the one thing I learned about this user is that he's incredibly lazy. He doesn't want to do things in Photoshop or go hunting for pictures, so he just wants to take everything from me... and the official PAW Patrol account (he constantly reposts their content, too). When I stopped him from doing that, he became hostile. When I refused to remove my watermark, it just made things worse.
I don't have a picture of this, but a few days later, he created yet another account. This time, he pretended to be the "second official PAW Patrol account", using the actual PAW Patrol account's avatar and banner at the time (themed after Moto Pups, if I recall correctly). Naturally, I'm the first one he went to, and he left a reply on my latest daily about how I'm going to get into "trouble" if I don't stop being mean. I tore into him for this, telling him that no one will take his side, Twitter will just ban his account again, and to leave me alone.
He deleted the account less than a day later.
Things remained quiet for some time... or so I thought. From what others told me, he kept trying to get everyone to turn on me, usually by sending private messages to many users in the hopes of getting them to see me as some sort of bully. His plan failed, as nothing ever came out of it. Maybe it has to do with the fact I like trying to be positive and encouraging, and many of my followers have seen that over the years... whereas he's screamed at people for simply putting stickers on their Nintendo Switch. No, seriously... he has.
He kept trying, of course... often asking other users to tell me how "sorry" he was, despite the fact he kept leaving me nasty remarks the very same day. In fact, at one point, the Nick Jr. Twitter account made a post about asking their followers to post pics of their pets, I did so, Nick Jr. replied to me, and he found out and replied to them by saying "DON'T TALK TO HIM HE'S A BULLY HE'S MEAN TO ME!!!!" Needless to say, they ignored him, too.
This continued for a while, and over the following months, new accounts would pop up every now and then, usually based on certain PAW Patrol characters. They were all ran by him, and of course, I was always the first person he came to... and he'd always ask me to create a new avatar and banner for that account, and then he'd get mad when I either said no or ignored him. After so many accounts, I got tired of constantly blocking him, so when he popped up with yet another Marshall-themed account, I decided to just mute it and let him do or say whatever he wanted.
...He didn't take kindly to that, either. A few months later, he exploded into a fit of rage, claiming that I was being a bully by ignoring him. Let me repeat that; by ignoring him, I was being a bully. Oh, for Pete's sake...
A few folks took his side, but once I explained to them what was going on, most of them understood and apologized (trust me, I harbor no ill will against these folks). Once I made another tweet about the situation, I blocked that user yet again, noticing that he was continuing to badmouth me. I think he ended up deleting his account, telling everyone that's what I apparently wanted (I never once said any such thing, but whatever). I crossed my fingers and prayed that this would finally be the end of it all... but of course, it wasn't.
After a while, he came back with yet another account, only this time, he got a little less lazy. He finally decided to learn how to use a photo editing program... and how did he use his new-found skills? Why, to copy me again, of course!
Indeed, his dailies started to look exactly like mine. And yes, once he discovered the name of the font style I was using, he started using that, too. And it's not just a coincidence that he used the same pic...
As I soon realized, if he knew the exact episode I got my daily from, he'd use the same one. He did this at any opportunity he could, even when I posted a daily based on the first theatrical film.
At this point, some of you probably asking... why? Why's he doing this? Why go to such lengths to copy me? The answer is... I really don't know. He just really wants to be me, I guess.
Anyway, around the beginning of 2022, I created a new template for my Daily Marshall Pics. I'm still using that template now. Of course, when he found out, he got upset and started screaming at me again to make one for him (using another newly-created alternate account to get around me blocking him... which I promptly blocked).
What followed over the next year was the situation getting worse and worse. If I did anything of note, he'd create new accounts to voice his displeasure. If he got banned, he'd create a new account and head straight for me. There was a point where I blocked him, he created a new account, I blocked him, he created a new account... and we did this for eight accounts within a single day. I'm dead serious. Of course, his copycat tendencies just got worse, as his new-found skills in editing started leading him to do stuff like this...
Yup, he started covering my watermark with his own to make it seem like he was the one who made the picture. Oh, and it didn't just stop at pictures... nope, he did it with videos, too.
Actually, Twitter banned him for this one... and yes, he created a new account immediately afterwards again, and continued doing and posting the exact same things like it never happened. And I'm the first person he tried following, of course. But hey, at least his dailies don't look like mine anymore, right?
Sigh...
And no, it didn't even stop there. He tried to copy my banner, too.
Yes, his avatar shares similarities with mine, too. Funnily enough, a few users came to my defense and tried to get him to change his Daily template to something different so it would no longer look like mine. Surprisingly, he did change it, and I even gave my approval. I was cool with his new template...
...but I guess it didn't get him the attention he wanted, because he went right back to using something that looks exactly like mine again. He's still using it now, much to my annoyance.
The sad thing is, even if I change my template to something else, he'll just inevitably copy it. If I change my avatar and/or banner, he'll copy them, too. If I do anything, he'll copy it. If my followers come to my defense, report him, and he gets banned... he'll just create another account and continue doing the exact same thing anyway.
Oh, and he once made the claim that he's only doing this because he "doesn't know how to". Yes, he said that. He apparently doesn't know how, yet he sure knows how to cover my watermark with his own... and create a template that looks like mine. Yup, he's a dirty liar, too.
(Back in 2020, I did try to answer a few of his questions, including what editor I use. Once I told him it costs money, he went silent.)
As a reminder, this has been going on for three years.
I've tried ignoring the user, and it does no good. I've confronted him, and it does no good. I've asked him to stop, and it does no good. I've defended myself, and he acts like he's the victim. I ask him to let his anger go and stop, and he tells me I'm the one who needs to let it go and stop. Others have defended me, and he just whines and claims I'm a bully. And all of this is because I blocked him for leaving a rude reply when he lost his patience after ten minutes.
(By the way, someone confronted him about the whole ten minutes thing. He said it didn't matter, that I should've responded right away. I guess I'm supposed to stop everything I'm doing to reply to him...?)
To tell you all the truth, I've tried to be patient. I've tried to be nice... but after three years, I'm sick of it. This person is psychotic. Even when I block him, he keeps a tight eye on everything I do. He's become so obsessed with me, to the point that he's basically a stalker now. He wants to be me, yet he doesn't possess my skills, and that jealousy has turned to sheer bitterness. And whenever someone takes my side, he becomes aggressive, often creating even more alternate accounts to show he's not happy.
And yet, he thinks he's the victim. He's said before he wants me to stop talking about him, yet he continues taking or copying things from me. And again, when I ask him to stop, he refuses. At this point, I suppose he's only doing this now because he feels justified in doing so. I guess he thinks I need to pay for... what, not replying back after ten minutes? For wanting to be credited for my work when I make unique content and post them on my account? For trying to stop him from lazily reposting the things I post for his own gain?
When I started these MarshallPupFan accounts, I thought I was going to post some pics of a cute, cartoon puppy, make people laugh and smile with some videos, and have a fun time. I never expected I'd run into someone so... crazy. Honestly, I don't even care that he's posting daily pics of Marshall. I've seen others do the same, and I've even liked, replied and followed some of them. I enjoy inspiring others to be creative and share their love for their favorite characters... but why use my exact template? Why try to look exactly like me? Why not try to develop an identity for himself, so his account offers something unique? Instead, he constantly wants to bounce off of me, pretend to be me... and when I or anyone else intervenes, he becomes aggressive.
It's pathetic... and it'll probably go on for another year.
I recently created a new avatar for myself. I put a lot of work into making it something truly unique...but I don't know if I want to put it out there, since the moment I do, he'll inevitably copy it. I also updated the visuals for my Episode Updates pics... and as soon as I reveal it, it's only a matter of time before he copies it, too. And of course, if I or anyone else confronts him, he'll whine and get mad... and continue doing what he's always done anyway.
Truth be told, there are so many other examples of his terrible behavior I could post here... such as when he began hounding me on Youtube and screaming at me whenever he seen a comment I left on other PAW Patrol-themed accounts (to the point the owner of the channel had to intervene and tell him to stop... to which he replied "stop what?"). I have so many more stories to tell, but this post is turning out long enough, and I think I've stressed the point quite well.
It sucks that people like him have to exist, and it's so sad that he refuses to let go of a three year grudge, now going onto four. All I know is that it's getting to the point where I'm tired of it. I'm tired of seeing him use my Daily template, tired of him acting like an absolute crybaby when I defend myself, tired of... well, the whole thing. At this point, maybe I need to start fighting back more, because ignoring him sure isn't getting the job done.
If he's going to insist on using my template, then maybe I shouldn't take it so lightly anymore... 🤔
---
Oh, one last thing. You want to see something funny? He has no problem taking stuff from me, but when someone does that to him... that's just wrong! Maybe someone needs to give him a dose of his own medicine more often... perhaps then he'd show more respect to others.
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Tony and transhumanism
Tony Stark mentions in Captain Marvel: Dark Tempest (2023) #3.
Setting aside the “even HE knows what hands-off means”, it's interesting to me that when faced with a humanoid-machine blend, Carol's mind goes to Tony. She says that Tony was the original transhuman, and well, he maybe wasn't the first in the marvel universe, but he got his first synthetic heart in Iron Man #19 (back in 1969!), and transhumanism has been a part of his story arc for a long time. Some examples on the top of my mind (I know there are more, this is not an exhaustive list):
-When Tony had an implant in his mind to remotely control the armour while he was paralyzed in volume 1.
-His fight with the sentient armour in volume 3, and the end of it, when it gave him its heart (Iron Man vol.3 #30). And fully replaced Tony's heart with its own "mechanical bio-physiology". An artificial heart that was still implanting itself into Tony and fixing his broken ribs in issue 31 (body horror much??).
-Extremis, of course, which to me is the height of Tony's path to transhumanism. It's one of the two logical conclusions to his search to always perfect Iron Man and himself. Either make his body machine, or forgo the body entirely (looking at the three different Tony Stark AIs Tony has made). Extremis is especially good to me because of how he made himself the perfect blend of man and machine. Tony had until then always had recurring problems with his heart and other physical disabilities, and with Extremis he was finally past that "flaw". He was stronger, could heal, but more importantly, his mind was faster and better. I think he never came closer to erasing the line between Tony Stark and Iron Man than he did then. There was so much potential for this story beat, but Civil War and Dark Reign kind of ruined it. I really wish we could have had Extremis for longer, and really explore the classic "what makes one human" "man vs machine" and other transhumanist questions with Tony. Oh well. As an aside, it's interesting to me that Superior Iron Man decided to bring Extremis back. Clearly to him that was the next step of evolution, or in his words, what made him a god. If we push the analysis further, does this mean that regular Tony has developed an aversion to Extremis and what it entails? Maybe some left-over trauma from the Civil War and brain deletion?
-The repulsor node in Tony's chest after he was brought back. That controlled his brain. And also the bleeding edge armour that Tony casually put into his bone marrow. You know. Like one does.
-The fact that Tony apparently was experimenting on his biology and body and that that was the only reason Carol didn't kill him at the end of Civil War II. And then the fact that he managed to bring himself back to life and synthetize a new body.
-The Tony Stark AI that ran around during Secret Empire. Who made himself drunk, and also remembered Civil War somehow, and had all of Tony's character traits and regrets (see Secret Empire (2017) #6). I know it's probably an error on the writer's part, but I choose to believe that somehow this artificial version of Tony really remembers the Civil War. On top of AI Tony acting and thinking like the flesh and blood one, everyone around him really treated him like the "real" Tony. Hydra Steve even said that Tony downloaded his consciousness into the AI. Making it essentially Tony. I don't know where I'm going with this but I have Feelings about AI Tony.
-The whole mess of Tony Stark: Iron Man and Iron Man 2020 where Tony was wondering if he was just a soulless copy of the original dead Tony Stark (Which, weird that he now starts to worry about this after all his deaths and comas and whatnots), decided he was just an AI in an artificial body, and then with the help of his friends remade his body. Again. Also, he spoke with AI Tony for like five minutes and then AI Tony sacrificed himself. I am still mad about that.
Transhumanism is one of the most important beats in Tony's character, right alongside his quest to make the future better and his alcoholism. It's a facinating subject that I will never get enough of, especially not in relation to Tony, who for a very long time has dealt with physical disability, and whose mind and genius is maybe the one thing he can rely on and one of the rare things about himself that he is proud of.
Right now, Tony's just a regular man in a can again, but I really hope that we'll see more of his journey into transhumanism, because to me it's an essential part of his character. And done well, it's an excellent source for angst, too.
#wednesday spoilers#tony stark#transhumanism#tony stark meta#(kind of?? what should I tag my comic ramblings?)#this post is a mess but the carol issue really made me remember how many transhumanism feelings I have about tony#as always feel free to reblog with your own thoughts and/or additions#I love talking comics#shoutout to the iron man subreddit for bringing up the tony mention in the carol issue
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I used the Wayback Machine to see what the Far Cry 5 official websites looked like from 2017 to 2020 and find out if that’s where the character information sheets posted on the Playasia Blog (here) were from. I’m talking about these:
So I can confirm the images above do NOT come from the official websites. Although they look like they were made by Ubisoft, it seems they weren’t.
But during my research, I did find official character descriptions! There are several versions depending on which page/article you are reading, which website (Far Cry or Far Cry 5) you are on, and which region (America or Europe, basically) you select. Some of the descriptions have even changed over time!
Since the old websites don’t exist anymore and most of that content was deleted (but not really, thanks to the Internet Archive), I’m going to post what I’ve gathered here :)
I just need to save/screenshot/crop/organize/copy-paste/transcribe everything first...
#I made a big image with all the information sheets because it was more convenient for this post#but if you want to read what they say and can’t because it’s too small just click the link to go to the playasia blog#it’s very probably just fan content anyway...#far cry 5#joseph seed#jacob seed#john seed#faith seed#the deputy#the junior deputy#mary may fairgrave#grace armstrong#hurk drubman jr#the wiki says the pictures are from a ‘ubisoft webpage’#which I can now confirm is not true#am I surprised? no#am I disappointed? always#dear wiki contributors please check your sources before writing anything I’m begging you
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MARTIAN'S MATCHING PORSCHE 911 GT2 RS CARS: A MASTERPOST
are you ready to feel parasocial about a pair of matching porsches, one of which may or may not even exist? you've come to the right place!
SECTIONS:
what is the 2010 Porsche 911 GT2 RS?
what's been said about the matching cars
timeline
unanswered questions and speculation
WHAT IS THE 2010 PORSCHE 911 GT2 RS?
well, it's her (source in watermark)
though she's been upstaged by her counterparts in the last decade, at the time, the gt2 rs was the most powerful road car porsche had ever built. only 500 were made. one of which, as we all know, came into the paws of one mark webber--another, presumably, found a home in sebastian vettel's garage. why do i say presumably? well..
WHAT'S BEEN SAID ABOUT THE MATCHING CARS
rather than making you squint at a bunch of screencaps, i'm just going to copy and paste the quotes that are out there..
“[The 911 GTS RS] is a beast! It’s got biblical power – the amount of torque is phenomenal. Sebastian [Vettel] bought one as well back in the day, we bought one together pretty much and I think he’s had a few tricky moments in his! They’re proper machines, those things. I think the engine’s probably a little bit big for the body, but in the right hands she’s a machine!”
Red Bull. july 28, 2016.
Webber said he shopped for a new ride with teammate Sebastian Vettel and both agreed that the Porsche made the most sense. He's extremely happy with the GT2's performance, comfort and race car-like driving dynamics.
Auto123, date unknown. the video in question
“I think it was around Monaco Grand Prix time, [Red Bull teammate] Sebastian Vettel and I were looking at some cars,” Webber said. “I’m not big on my road cars, to be honest, but when we started talking about this one it was a no-brainer.”
But instead of pulling any strings using his formula one fame, Webber reportedly strolled into a UK Porsche dealer to order his new wheels personally.
Drive. October 7, 2016.
“As a young guy, growing up in Australia, the Porsche 911 was definitive. I remember talking to Sebastian Vettel when the GT2 came out, about the power, the way it looked. He said, ‘what do you reckon?’ I said, ‘we should both get one’, so we did. If you take a 911 to a track day it’s the car that’s running around out there still working, with its brakes still working, at the end of the day. It’s a Porsche. You know that. We all know that. Brakes are important, you know."
Top Gear Malaysia. date unknown, but since the headline is "mark webber has retired from racing," i'm going to pin it at sometime around november, 2016
“… Monte Carlo Grand Prix, 2010. I was sitting with Sebastian Vettel, and we were looking at the new 997 GT2 RS. And he said, ‘Shit, we need to buy one of those, you know?’ And I said, ‘yeah, we need—both of us.’ So I think that night, Monaco, after qualifying, we, uh. I didn’t outqualify Seb often, but that day, lucky, I kicked his ass, I was on pole position and he was not qualifying that well. And I said, ‘you still gonna buy the 911?’ And he said, ‘yeah, we should buy it.’ So he got a black one, I got a white one...”
fan video from the weekend of oct 2-3, 2021.
and though nothing was mentioned about matching cars, they're driving the same model (DEFINITELY different car though, one purchased by the red bull ring) in the now-famous martian taxi drivers instagram post, where mark says, “At the end of the day we even drove each other for a few laps. That’s the biggest bloody endorsement a street car can have, F1 drivers wanting to do more laps for the own pleasure😉👌🏽” april 24, 2020. this is the only allusion to the car i can find that is not only from 2010, but also shows that seb so much as touched a 2010 porsche 911 gt2 rs.
now, you may ask, why are you being so cagey about seb and his porsche?
well, the thing is. sebastian vettel has not so much as breathed a WORD to the media about owning a porsche 911, much less matching one with mark. as far as i can tell from the numerous searches i've done, anyway. everything we know about their matching porsches has come from mark.
TIMELINE
so with that, let's piece it together:
some point on thurs/fri of the monaco gp (may 13 or 14, 2010): martian see the 911 and they're like. hot damn. seb says what do u think. mark says let's get one each.
saturday (may 15): mark beats seb in qualifying, then gloatingly asks if seb is still in the mood to buy the porsche. and because seb is insane, he says yes.
some unidentified point in the future, likely in the break between monaco and turkey because i sincerely doubt mark was in the mood to go car shopping with seb after that (may 16-26): they buy the porsches. mark buys a white one, seb buys a black one.
2016: they don't speak about this to anyone in the media until mark retires from racing for good. when questioned about his favourite porsche cars, only THEN does he even mention that this car matching business took place at all. and, unprompted, repeats this story to multiple news outlets when asked about the 911.
we're faced with several years of silence until 2021, when the story pops up again.
UNANSWERED QUESTIONS AND SPECULATION
have you ever thought it weird that something as clinically insane as matching cars with your rival was never given more media attention than a passing few lines in some articles? somehow, either nobody has asked about the fact that Thee most fractious relationship in contemporary f1 bought matching cars, or they DID ask and were effectively muzzled, which is telling in and of itself. and check the dates: 2016. 2016. 2016. 2020. 2021. they did not only keep this under wraps until mark retired and became a full time porsche #influencer. one of them is either STILL KEEPING IT UNDER WRAPS...
... or doesn't have the car at all.
does seb even own this porsche? why have we only heard of it from mark's mouth? there are so many articles on ~road cars f1 drivers own~ but none of them even mention seb having it. so what's the truth? did he never buy one and only tell mark he did? does it stay dusty under a cover in his garage, never to see the light of day? did he buy it and then immediately sell it/give it away after turkey? or because it was like, purposefully to match with mark, is it one of the things he's Sentimental about that he's viciously protective of and keeps out of the spotlight?
mark goes into detail and says that seb got a black porsche, so that must mean that it EXISTS? surely?? well, we take that for granted, but we may never actually know.
another thing: notice how in the Drive article, mark reportedly went to a uk dealership in person to order the car? if he and seb bought them together, does that mean they also went to the dealership... together? and if we take this to be true, does that then mean they physically went to a porsche dealership in the uk just weeks before they collided in turkey and their relationship tripped and fell off a cliff? or did they go separately in person, or did only mark go in person and seb order through connections?
yet another thing: in the "Mark Webber and his 911 GT2 RS" video linked above next to auto123, he drives a black 911 and seems to imply that the car is his: "i'm definitely not gonna be parting with this one." but the car is black. and he says he got a white one. WHAT? [EDIT: the one in the video may be the 2011 model and not the 2010 model he bought with seb]
AND ANOTHER THING TO NOTE: while the internet was surely a Widespread Phenomenon in 2010, there may very well have been printed news about the matching cars that never got digitally archived. unfortunately i do not have a time machine, so that's up in the air for now.
but that's it! that's everything we know about martian's matching porsches. i will be updating this post as more info comes to light, so if i've missed anything, pls let me know!
#WIPES SWEAT FROM BROW. WELL . HERE IT IS#martian#martian monday#sebastian vettel#mark webber#matching porsches masterpost
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There is nothing particularly unusual about it: the Western fascination with Yugoslav modernist monuments, those strange concrete boulders scattered across the failed state, is renewed at regular intervals. Four years ago, for example, the Belgian photographer Jan Kempenaers published a photo monograph 'Spomeniks': 'Raised in peaceful fields, in the middle of nowhere', the respected Guardian introduced his book at the time, 'spomeniks look like places where alien spacecraft have landed or like album covers Pink Floyd.'' The filming of the new Netflix dystopian series 'The Tribes of Europa', which tells the story of the distant future of a continent divided - this will sound familiar - into numerous, small, mutually warring states, was completed on Petrova Gora these days. And so on, and so on, further and further away from what Yugoslav monuments used to mean: if there is something in common with all these advertising campaigns, dystopian TV-fantasies and photo-safaris around the places of the people's uprising, it is a complete lack of interest in historical, political and the artistic context from which the monuments grew. In the Western perspective, they are now only gigantic exotic souvenirs from a distant and incomprehensible past. Alien apparitions for which we do not know who exactly built them, when and why: rather traces of UFOs than signs of people's liberation war. Mark O'Neill's series of instagram photos, devoid of any information about the monuments other than the elementary mention of their locations, fits perfectly into such a tradition.
So nothing new from the west. Perhaps that is why it is more interesting to check what is happening with the monuments today from the perspective of the East. Coincidentally, last week, just as the post-Yugoslav news portals were compulsively copying O'Neill's photo gallery, another anniversary of the demolition of the magnificent Monument to the Victory of the Revolution of the People of Slavonia by Vojin Bakić, which was erected in Kamenska near Požega, on February 21, 1992, passed almost unnoticed. Members of the 123rd Brigade of the Croatian Army in a well-organized mine action expertly removed them from the face of the earth. Only the small portal Antifašistički Vjesnik reminded of the sad anniversary by publishing a photo gallery of the ruins, along with a brief overview of the then propaganda lies from the local media about how the monument was broken by the Chetniks or, possibly, by a strong wind. But the ruin of Bakić's monument are not very photogenic, there are no spotlights or Instagram filters, it cannot serve as an advertising scenography, so the article from Antifašistički Vjesnik was not shared by anyone. No one to press copy, no one to click and paste: the anniversary of the destruction of one of the most beautiful monuments of the former Yugoslavia did not become news this year either. There is simply no room for some stories in the colorful, colorful, clickable memory of the media, just as there was none twenty-eight years ago. After all, what do you want: it was a war, we clicked cut.
Boris Postnikov, 2020
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I just found this blog and i love it!!! I have a few different questions so to make organizing easier im gonna ask one here and send the others separately so I apologize for the abundance of asks im about to send :D what are some of your favorite past jams or bundles?
THEME: Game Jams and Game Bundles.
Thank you so much! I will probably space out these answers so that other folks have a chance to get their questions answered first. But this one is a pretty fun one to start with.
I’m a sucker for charity bundles, to be sure. My first bundle was the Itch Bundle for Racial Justice and Equality, which was back in 2020. I filtered through all 50 pages and sorted all of the ttrpgs into folders - this was the start of my Itch organization. It also introduced me to quite a few games that showed me the amazing breadth of tabletop games, including Subway Runners, Visigoths vs Mall Goths, Troika, and i’m sorry did you say street magic. An additional recommendation I have from this bundle is Transmission Burst v.1 and Transmission Burst v.2, collections of evocative mini games by UFO Press.
One really impressive bundle was The Bundle for Ukraine, which had a staggering amount of tabletop games in it, including Thirsty Sword Lesbians, Apocalypse Frame, Lutong Banwa, and The Great Soul Train Robbery. I want to give a specific shout out to Bright & Terrible (Atlantean Exiles from a kingdom that fell), as well as Recipe on Kmiydish Paper, a solo gaming experience that fleshes out a world through a single recipe.
If you have bought a lot of charity bundles, I also recommend checking out Bundle Browser, which is a website that helps you sift through games by bundle and tag. I find it super helpful when I'm not sure I have a copy of a game, and clicking on the game brings you to its game page!
Now, let's talk about game jams. The Emotional Mecha Jam was a game jam in the beginning of 2019 that explore the depth of emotions that exist in the mecha genre. This jam inspired works such as A Long Night in the Mech Bay, All My Exes are in Mechsuits, and Breakup on Re-Entry. You should absolutely check this jam out.
In 2021, there was a jam called Applied Hope: The Solarpunk and Utopias Jam. I’ve talked about this jam recently, and it’s very very good. I love the theory and conversations sparked in this jam - the goal was to dream of possible worlds - not perfect ones, but ones that were brighter, worlds that could are meant to increase our capacity for joy. I’ve talked about a number of games here before, including subconscious_Routine, Waxworm, and After the World Drowned. I’m also intrigued by Scraps, which won the award for Best Solarpunk DIY game.
The BIPOC Vamp Jam was also a lot of fun! It was a jam that ran in 2021 and asked Black, Indigenous and Creators of Colour to submit their vampire games, in an effort to look at vampires through a different lens. I’ve talked about Vamp Camp and Bloodbeam Badlands before, but I’m also stoked about The Vamp is Dust, (a hack of The Witch is Dead), as well as Project: Day Breaker (Vampires in space!).
Some of my favourite jams are jams that are focused on a specific system. The What’s So Cool About Jam is one of those. It is a super simple system, and the jam is what introduced me to the WSCA ruleset, which is pretty light-weight system that can be translated to a lot of settings. I’ve personally been interested in What is So Cool About Sky Pirates, as well as What’s So Scary About Dinosaurs?.
Titanomachy also has a solid history of good game jams, as evidence by their first and second Caltrop Core jams. Caltrop Core has gotten some pretty big attention, because it’s so easy to hack! This can be seen in in HexFall, which is also by Lex, as well as SW//NG by @farmergadda (emotional superheroes), and Last Hope (dark magical girls). I’m also interested in The Dreaded & The Deep (nautical horror) and The Dying of the Light (a city struggling in the darkness).
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Ghibli wo Utau Digital Release
It's past midnight in Japan so it's officially the release day of the Studio Ghibli Tribute album “ジブリをうたう/Ghibli wo Utau/Singing Ghibli”. Please be sure to ❗SUPPORT Wakana❗ in any way you can! Especially if you decided not to order a physical copy, you can purchase and stream the entire tribute album or just Wakana's song "Mononoke Hime" on various sites (mora, iTunes etc) and streaming platforms (Spotify, YouTube, Apple Music, etc). Please note that a VPN add-on might be required. It is going to take a while for my album to arrive so of course I couldn't resist the digital version.
• ————— ¤ ♫ ¤ ————— •
BUY the album on mora (TUTORIAL here)
BUY it in your local iTunes store at midnight in your time zone
Digital link: https://jvcmusic.lnk.to/GhiblioUtau
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[Work information]
Studio Ghibli Tribute Album “Singing Ghibli”
On sale November 1, 2023
VICL-65894 / ¥3,400 (tax included)
▼ Click here to make a reservation
https://www.jvcmusic.co.jp/-/Linkall/VICL-65894.html
Thoughts:
What a gorgeous and ambient arrangement! The choir, the drums, the sounds of nature. Very immersive. 100% obsessed! I absolutely adore Wakana's singing in the verse. So, so beautiful! In my opnion, her vocals are much more on point than during her performance of the song at the Wakana Anime Classic 2020 concert. I am just so smitten with the way she sings 月の光, 心, 美しい and きっさきに! The "aahh" higher harmonies in the background starting around the 1-minute mark are also a nice addition. Sounds like Wakana is doing them herself. The bridge/interlude with Wakana's "uh...uh...uhs" hits me right in the feels, the occasional shake in her voice actually works here (at least for me) because it sounds like she is just very emotional in those moments. I am a bit on the fence when it comes to the chorus, I like most of it but the まことの心 part is definitely a bit too high and thin for my taste (especially in the grand finale). I would have preferred a richer, more operatic singing style I guess...? Thankfully, it doesn't take away from my overall enjoyment of the song.
What did you think?
Other songs I enjoyed from the album are いのちの名前, テルーの唄, ルージュの伝言 and 時には昔の話を
Ghibli wo Utau Concert Announced
Today it was also announced that a special concert will be held in March 2024 to celebrate the release of this tribute album. Artists participating in the album will gather to hold a special concert for one night only! Enjoy a variety of famous songs, expressed in new ways by talented artists from all genres and backgrounds.
※Please note that not all artists participating in the album are guaranteed to appear at the concert
※The performing artists have not been revealed yet but we can expect Wakana to participate (especially since the event will be produced by Satoshi Takebe)
Title: “Ghibli wo Utau” Concert ~ Produced by Satoshi Takebe
Date and time: March 27, 2024; Open 18:00 | Star 19:00
Venue: Tokyo International Forum Hall A
Homepage: https://ghibliwoutau-concert.com/
SS seat ¥13,000
S seat ¥10,000
Wheelchair seat ¥13,000
U-25 seat ¥5,000
※There might be an official recording of the event
Advanced lottery for CD purchasers
Target product: "Ghibli wo Utau"
Target period: October 31, 2023 to November 21
Album Reaches Rank 7 on the Mora Charts
The regular and high-res version of "Ghibli wo Utau" are ranked 7th and 12th respectively on mora's "Overall Latest Ranking of Most Popular Songs/Albums" within the last 24 hours. No news yet on the Oricon Chart front. Hopefully the album reaches a high position, I really want Wakana to get some much-deserved exposure from this release.
#kalafina#wakana#news#review#Ghibli wo Utau#Singing Ghibli#ジブリをうたう#mononoke hime#princess mononoke#Ghibli wo Utau Concert
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hiya everyone! the month of june is a big one for not only myself personally but also for this blog so we'll be celebrating a few things:
my own birthday on june 24th!
reaching 2k followers! (which is still mind blowing where did y'all come from)
pride month!
now i may not be a gif maker or edit maker, but i do want to celebrate by interacting with you all in the ways i know how! i'm going to be hosting what i like to call "roll for...?", a mysterious way to get stranger things content from me for the rest of the month. starting today, june 13, you can send me in asks for things to roll for (just make sure you go over the rules before sending in an ask pls <3)
if you're interested in participating, click the read more for the rules!
how it works:
i'll have the following categories to pick from: drabble, playlist, or aesthetic/moodboard. pick one of those categories and then select up to 3 of the following subcategories for me to roll specifics for: ship, trope, vibe/colors, length, era, crossover. whatever subcategories go unchosen, i can use if i want to!
each of the subcategories will have a few options in them that i will then roll for to leave the final product up to the luck of the roll. if needed, any additional details will be left up to me! if you would like it to be entirely my pick, please select 3 ships listed below for me to choose from and i will take it from there.
warning, some categories will be easier for me to combine than others (ie vibe with crossover might be challenging) so please take every post with a grain of salt. this is all just for fun.
these will be posted as i can get them done, so feel free to send in asks whenever you want to! i will stop accepting asks for this project on june 30th but will probably still have things to post after that. all posts will be tagged with #rollfor2023 to help keep things organized.
important to know!:
if you have any triggers or things you wouldn't want to me to include, please let me know what to avoid. i'll honor it no questions asked. all drabbles will be rated anywhere from general to mature with absolutely zero explicit smut unless you tell me you are comfortable with it being included. overcommunicate with me and we'll both be happy campers!
subcategory specifics:
ship: 1. steve/eddie, 2. robin/nancy, 3. robin/chrissy, 4. jonathan/argyle, 5. joyce/hopper, 6. bee's pick of steve ship (platonic or romantic)
trope: 1. enemies to lovers, 2. friends to lovers, 3. one bed, 4. the italicized 'oh', 5. soulmates, 6. bee's pick of shop au
vibe/colors: 1. whimsical/pastels, 2. angst/dark muted, 3. hopeless romantic/soft pinks, 4. cheerful/bright & bold, 5. bittersweet/blues & greys, 6. angry/dark reds
length (around a certain word/song count): 1. 100-300 words/3 songs, 2. 300-500 words/5 songs, 3. 500-750 words/8 songs, 4. 750-1000 words/10 songs, 5. 1000-1500 words/15 songs, 6. bee's pick
era: 1. ancient greek, 2. 1980s, 3. modern/2020s, 4. 1800s wild west, 5. 1940s, 6. unspecified fantasy world timeline ala lotr or got
crossover (all chosen from my favorites!): 1. moulin rogue, 2. across the universe, 3. bee's pick of disney movie, 4. grishaverse, 5. glee, 6. supernatural
an example ask (can copy / paste if you'd like!):
i would like a drabble with a roll for ship, length, and crossover. avoid character death and mentions of drugs.
i hope this makes sense, so please let me know if you have questions! i'm truly just wanting to do something fun for the hell of it because isn't that we're all here for anyway?! rejoining the fandom side of tumblr this time last year has been such a great decision. i've been able to meet so many of you wonderful people and remember what it's like to enjoy fandom spaces again without shame. best of all, it's gotten me writing again, which had been such a big part of my hobbies that i had pushed aside. getting back into writing as a way to express myself and make content with some fucking guys from some fucking tv show has made a massive difference in my happiness over the last year.
i thank you all so sincerely for being with me along the ride. tagging some of my beloved buds here in no possible order because if it weren't for y'alls support, i never would have written half the things i have. thank you from the bottom of my heart, truly <3
@buckleydiaz @thefreakandthehair @yournowheregirl @scoops-stevie @gothbat99 @bayouteche @toburnup @stevethehairington @judasofsuburbia @henderdads @sharpbutsoft @kkpwnall @figthefruitfaeth @fastcardotmp3 @fragilecapric0rnn @wynnyfryd @stargyles @jeysuso @bitchsteve @lovespiralls @riality-check @cheatghost @legitcookie @hellsfireclub @sanguineterrain @kingofscoops @roykentt @sidekick-hero
#rollfor2023#i was going to wait to post this but nah i wanted to go ahead and do it now#especially since i'm all anxious waiting for my bigbang claim email#love literally all of you sm thank you for maki ng tumblr fun#pls ignore any spelling errors but don't ignore if something doesn't make sense so i can clear it up#steddie#ronance#buckingham#jargyle#jopper#stranger than things#stranger things prompts
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NHL Outdoor Game Jersey Tier List
I originally had this idea back during the Stadium Series weekend when I was looking at the jerseys and comparing them to jerseys of outdoor games past. So I decided to put all the different jerseys NHL teams have worn for every outdoor game since 2003 onto a tier list (excluding the 4 jerseys that were worn in the 2 games at Tahoe, since each team just wore their reverse retro jersey and they weren't special jerseys for the event).
Some of these are absolutely gorgeous, and some are flops. I've organized them into tiers of how good they are, and an important factor in my rankings is creativity - whether or not something was original and distinct for the event or a copy of a current/former jersey had a significant impact on what tier it went in. And a note that I am only rating based on the jerseys themselves, and I'm not judging any accompanying pants, helmets, gloves, socks, etc. All of these ratings are scientific and 100% correct.
All of these pictures were taken from the NHL Uniform Database website. This is also where I looked at each team's jersey history to see which outdoor game jerseys were just a copy of another jersey.
And a note that the Coyotes, Blue Jackets, and Panthers do not have any entries on this list since none of them have ever participated in an outdoor game. (Though this will soon change! Looking forward to seeing what the Jackets do for their Stadium Series jerseys next year. And tbh they really need to give the Yotes and Panthers an outdoor game 'cause I think those teams would make some pretty nice jerseys.)
Detailed list of which exact jerseys these are (team and event) are included under the cut for reference.
Jerseys listed from left to right as seen in the image above.
Amazing - Washington Capitals 2015 Winter Classic, Minnesota Wild 2022 Winter Classic, Seattle Kraken 2024 Winter Classic, Vancouver Canucks 2014 Heritage Classic, Ottawa Senators 2014 Heritage Classic
Good - Philadelphia Flyers 2017 Stadium Series, Philadelphia Flyers 2012 Winter Classic, New York Rangers 2018 Winter Classic, Detroit Red Wings 2014 Winter Classic, Washington Capitals 2018 Stadium Series, Toronto Maple Leafs 2018 Stadium Series, Los Angeles Kings 2014 Stadium Series, Pittsburgh Penguins 2011 Winter Classic, New York Rangers 2012 Winter Classic, Ottawa Senators 2017 NHL 100 Classic, Calgary Flames 2011 Heritage Classic, St. Louis Blues 2022 Winter Classic, Buffalo Sabres 2022 Heritage Classic, San Jose Sharks 2015 Stadium Series, Los Angeles Kings 2015 Stadium Series, Boston Bruins 2010 Winter Classic, Dallas Stars 2020 Winter Classic, Winnipeg Jets 2019 Heritage Classic, Winnipeg Jets 2016 Heritage Classic, Edmonton Oilers 2023 Heritage Classic, Calgary Flames 2023 Heritage Classic, Boston Bruins 2016 Winter Classic
All you did was pull an old jersey out of the closet (with little or no changes) - St. Louis Blues 2017 Winter Classic, Washington Capitals 2011 Winter Classic, New Jersey Devils 2014 Stadium Series, Pittsburgh Penguins 2008 Winter Classic, Chicago Blackhawks 2019 Winter Classic, Chicago Blackhawks 2009 Winter Classic, Chicago Blackhawks 2014 Stadium Series, Detroit Red Wings 2009 Winter Classic, Toronto Maple Leafs 2014 Winter Classic
This is just your jersey w/ little or no modifications - Calgary Flames 2019 Heritage Classic, Anaheim Ducks 2014 Stadium Series, Montreal Canadiens 2003 Heritage Classic, Montreal Canadiens 2011 Heritage Classic, Edmonton Oilers 2016 Heritage Classic, Edmonton Oilers 2003 Heritage Classic, Philadelphia Flyers 2010 Winter Classic, Chicago Blackhawks 2015 Winter Classic, Chicago Blackhawks 2017 Winter Classic, Chicago Blackhawks 2016 Stadium Series, Minnesota Wild 2016 Stadium Series, Buffalo Sabres 2008 Winter Classic
Fine - New Jersey Devils 2024 Stadium Series, Philadelphia Flyers 2019 Stadium Series, Pittsburgh Penguins 2017 Stadium Series, New York Islanders 2024 Stadium Series, Nashville Predators 2022 Stadium Series, Carolina Hurricanes 2023 Stadium Series, Pittsburgh Penguins 2019 Stadium Series, Montreal Canadiens 2016 Winter Classic, Tampa Bay Lightning 2022 Stadium Series, Detroit Red Wings 2016 Stadium Series, Colorado Avalanche 2016 Stadium Series, Boston Bruins 2019 Winter Classic, New York Islanders 2014 Stadium Series, Boston Bruins 2023 Winter Classic, Toronto Maple Leafs 2022 Heritage Classic, Toronto Maple Leafs 2017 Centennial Classic
Can't decide whether I like it or hate it - Colorado Avalanche 2020 Stadium Series
Boring - Detroit Red Wings 2017 Centennial Classic, Montreal Canadiens 2017 NHL 100 Classic, Nashville Predators 2020 Winter Classic, Buffalo Sabres 2018 Winter Classic, Philadelphia Flyers 2024 Stadium Series, Pittsburgh Penguins 2014 Stadium Series
Awful - Washington Capitals 2023 Stadium Series, Pittsburgh Penguins 2023 Winter Classic, New York Rangers 2014 Stadium Series, Vegas Golden Knights 2024 Winter Classic, Los Angeles Kings 2020 Stadium Series, New York Rangers 2024 Stadium Series
#there's something about that particular brown/offwhite color that instantly makes me think outdoor game and elevates a jersey in my eyes#anaheim ducks#boston bruins#buffalo sabres#calgary flames#carolina hurricanes#chicago blackhawks#colorado avalanche#dallas stars#detroit red wings#edmonton oilers#los angeles kings#minnesota wild#montreal canadiens#nashville predators#new jersey devils#new york islanders#new york rangers#ottawa senators#philadelphia flyers#pittsburgh penguins#san jose sharks#seattle kraken#st louis blues#tampa bay lightning#toronto maple leafs#vancouver canucks#vegas golden knights#washington capitals#winnipeg jets
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Your story doesn't add up, there are too many logical inconsistencies. Just gonna copy+paste a great comment from BORU:
"Starting with the very beginning… So they broke up but lived together and coparented without dating anyone else for YEARS? But she was okay with him dating as long as she got to meet the lady first? Ummmm… Possible, but not realistic. Except then why would he take their daughter clothes shopping without OP while she is just chilling at home? Then turn around before they even get to the store because GF summoned him…? He’s managed to secretly date for 6 months then randomly ditches his crying daughter back off to expose him. Could happen, but again it is odd. He calls to smooth it over and OP is all, “I was hoping we could FINALLY coparent in peace.” Um, finally? Because as of 2 days ago y’all were living together in a separated-while-together bliss. Suddenly the new GF moves in with the in-laws. OP assumes she can just show up like it’s fine without speaking to any of the adults. But she wouldn’t want to put the kid in the middle, oh no! The in-laws back away and she has a “sneaky suspicion” it is because of the new GF. As we used to say, no shit Sherlock. Can we also take a moment to acknowledge that OP has a very unique situation where she doesn’t have any financial concerns with Ex moving out. Also has more free time than FIL to take MIL to medical appointments etc. Naturally new GF also has such free time. “There is no custody agreement.” I am mentioning that even though it never occurred to me to get one until the later comments bring it up. Remember, I don’t think kids should be put in the middle. That’s why my child decides who to stay with at her whim. Panic attack over a jury notice… What? Daughter is a daddy’s girl that mostly chose to stay with her dad. Even after K moved in. (Which seemed to have happened immediately.) But they should make official the status quo that daughter mostly stays with OP and only visits dad. Which is it!?! That’s before we get into the cartoonish caper. Through I appreciated that OP explained to us what a safe is used for and how it works."
Yeeaahh, I saw this ended up on Reddit. Yay for me, truly.
You know what? Screw it, let's be petty and respond to strangers speculating about my life point by point.
"Starting with the very beginning… So they broke up but lived together and coparented without dating anyone else for YEARS?
When did I say we never dated anyone else for years? I went on a few dates and so did my ex, but that wasn't relevant to the post so I didn't see the need to recount his or my dating history. I'm not really interested in getting into another serious relationship at this point in my life and thought it was the same for my ex. To be fair, that was an assumption on my part because when we were living together we mostly just talked about chores and bills and our daughter, we didn't discuss life plans or our love lives anything. It would just occasionally come up that he had been on dates with various women and if it did I would say something like "Cool. How did it go?" to be cordial, and he would usually respond with "Fine". Before K I never saw any signs that he was getting serious about anyone, and I never asked for details.
But she was okay with him dating as long as she got to meet the lady first? Ummmm… Possible, but not realistic.
When did I say I had to meet every girl he dated? I have no idea how many women he dated in between 2020 and 2023. I DID assume if he ever got serious about someone he would tell me about her before making her a fixture in our child's life, though. And yes, that much was on me. I really did just assume we could have a casual roommate relationship where we didn't really talk about personal stuff, but also be coparents who discuss anything that might affect our child at the same time. I agree that's pretty contradictory looking back.
Except then why would he take their daughter clothes shopping without OP while she is just chilling at home? Then turn around before they even get to the store because GF summoned him…? He’s managed to secretly date for 6 months then randomly ditches his crying daughter back off to expose him. Could happen, but again it is odd.
The "why would he take his daughter clothes shopping while OP is at home" bit is odd to me. Why did a father take his daughter to buy things she needed? Do I need to be there for her to get clothes? Is this a "all dads are incompetent parents" thing? Because before all this happened I would have said he was a pretty good dad.
As for that specific incident: My daughter wasn't crying in her dad's car, she was actually mad at him. I was working on my laptop and I heard a car door slam from inside and our dog started barking like someone was there. A second later the front door slammed, which surprised me because I thought they'd be gone for another hour at least, so I went to see what was going on. I saw my daughter stomping to her room looking like she was about to cry from frustration. I asked her what was wrong and that's when she started crying. I agree my original wording made it sound like she was sadly crying her eyes out in the car, when I should have clarified she's an angry crier, as that changes the context.
I can't say with 100% certainty why K called and wanted my ex to come over right away, and why my daughter couldn't be there for that when she had met K before. But considering she was living with her son at the time and they also took drugs together? I'm assuming her son was out of the apartment and she wanted my ex over to do adult things or drug related things, but I have no way of confirming that.
He calls to smooth it over and OP is all, “I was hoping we could FINALLY coparent in peace.” Um, finally? Because as of 2 days ago y’all were living together in a separated-while-together bliss.
You know how they say "ignorance is bliss"? I THOUGHT we were coparenting peacefully, only to find out my ex had been, for reasons unknown to me, coercing my child into lying to me to cover up his relationship for god knows how long. I did not know how long or for what reason at the time and didn't want to stress out my daughter by pressing for more details when she was already upset over her dad moving out. So yes, those few days I was thinking a lot about how long things must have been going on for, and how a situation I thought was peaceful was anything but just under the surface.
Suddenly the new GF moves in with the in-laws.
I agree it was pretty sudden. It happened about 2 and a half months after my ex moved out, so they had only been dating for 8 months or so. I did not know why at the time and it wasn't my business to ask. I now know she had been kicked out of her son's house for her drug use and had nowhere else to go.
OP assumes she can just show up like it’s fine without speaking to any of the adults.
I did assume that, yes. FIL and MIL have always had an open door policy for family, and at the time I thought I was still being included in family. It was not uncommon for me, or my ex, or my daughter, to come over unannounced. I mentioned that in the post, but only in passing, so maybe I should have expanded upon that more: I showed up without telling FIL and MIL I was coming all the time. They were always happy to receive me, or at least give me a "sorry, not a good time, can you come back tomorrow?"
But she wouldn’t want to put the kid in the middle, oh no!
K and my ex were mad at me for coming over and were being pretty toxic about it. My daughter invited me over. If I told them that, they could have directed that toxic anger towards her. I would rather them be angry at me than her, when just by me ASKING if she had asked if it was ok that I come over, I had made her realize that wasn't a smart move. She felt bad for doing it. The lesson had been learned. I didn't need them blowing up at her like my ex was at me, so yes I didn't throw her under the bus to save my own skin in that situation. Should I not have done that? Maybe, but I honestly can't say I regret doing it.
The in-laws back away and she has a “sneaky suspicion” it is because of the new GF. As we used to say, no shit Sherlock.
I agree, hindsight is 20/20, and I should have known a new variable (K) might have meant the status quo of me coming and going from FIL and MIL's house as I please had changed. I had genuinely not considered she might have a problem being around me, and that's the whole reason I was concerned I might be TA. That is, as we used to say, my b.
Can we also take a moment to acknowledge that OP has a very unique situation where she doesn’t have any financial concerns with Ex moving out. Also has more free time than FIL to take MIL to medical appointments etc. Naturally new GF also has such free time.
This is really presumptuous apropos of nothing. Just because I did not discuss my financial situation in the post (because it was not relevant) doesn't mean my ex moving out didn't put a financial strain on me. It did. I DID have more time to help FIL and MIL out when my ex lived with me, because having 2 incomes and splitting household costs meant I could work less hours. The flexible hours coupled with the fact I've worked remotely for a few years now meant I could be the one to stay with MIL in the hospital. I would sleep in her hospital room and stay with her all day (often times glued to my laptop, but still there physically at least), then go home to shower, change, and make dinner for myself, my daughter, my ex, and FIL. Drive the food over to FIL and visit with him for an hour or 2, then drive back to the hospital and stay the night with MIL.
When she got out of the hospital I switched to only going over 2 or 3 times a week, usually to be the one to accompany her to doctor's appointments or physical therapy or grocery shopping or to clean. But they would also invite me over just to do fun things sometimes, like go karting or fishing or out to dinner.
After my ex moved out I picked up another job, and right now I'm on call at one or the other job 6 days a week. K didn't have a job, but (according to MIL) got disablity checks every month. I didn't ask what kind of disability she had, because it's none of my business and not relevant to anything concerning me.
“There is no custody agreement.” I am mentioning that even though it never occurred to me to get one until the later comments bring it up.
It didn't occur to me to get one not because I wasn't aware custody agreements exist, but because I genuinely didn't think about the fact that my ex might try to take my child from me. Call me naive, I know I was, but it just never occurred to me as a possibility before all this started to happen. He had given me no reason to think he might do something like that. To me "custody agreement" meant piece of paper setting up a schedule for where the child goes and when, and that's what I meant by "there is no custody agreement" in the first instance. I knew they existed, it just didn't occur to me I needed one, and that was my bad. I've said so.
Remember, I don’t think kids should be put in the middle. That’s why my child decides who to stay with at her whim.
This is an odd sentiment to me as well. Yes? I don't think a child should be put in the middle as a "Well don't look at me, look at her! She did it!" when their parents are arguing over something. But they should also get a say in who they would like to live with? Plus my daughter isn't a toddler. If that were the case I would absolutely want to a court order to split time with her as equally as possible, but she's almost a teenager now. She's her own person and should get some say in where she goes and when.
Panic attack over a jury notice… What?
Sometimes people have irrational fears, and my ex was irrationally anxious about going to court for any reason. Yes he's been to jail before, no he didn't have a traumatic event happen in a court room that I'm aware of. He just felt like being there made him extremely anxious and didn't want to go back for any reason. Idk what to tell you beyond I'm not gonna dive further into the father of my child's personal anxieties to justify a post for the internet.
Daughter is a daddy’s girl that mostly chose to stay with her dad. Even after K moved in. (Which seemed to have happened immediately.) But they should make official the status quo that daughter mostly stays with OP and only visits dad. Which is it!?!
She WAS a daddy's girl that loved her dad and was slowly starting to warm up to K, until all this stuff happened, and then she was mad at her dad and K and didn't want to talk to them until they apologized to her. Idk how that is hard to follow.
And while she mostly chose to stay at MIL and FIL's house back then, it was not her primary residence. All official school and medical documents listed her address as MY house. She doesn't have her own room at MIL and FIL's house, she sleeps on the couch, she brings clothes in her backpack, etc. My house was her primary residence where she DID have a bed, her own room, a closet full of clothes, etc. Most days she would get off the bus from school at our house, hang out with me for a while, then grab some clothes and ask me to drop her off at FIL and MIL's house. Or ask her dad to come get her. Sometimes the answer was no, but for the most part neither of us had a problem letting her come and go as she pleased, and she was also content to be like that.
That’s before we get into the cartoonish caper. Through I appreciated that OP explained to us what a safe is used for and how it works."
I agree the original description was cartoonish, as I was reporting what a 12 year old had told me about an incident she did not see and had only heard about. Children lie, children exaggerate, children misremember. I wouldn't have mentioned the money being stolen at all had I not been able to confirm it by seeing my MIL complain about it on Facebook. I said as much myself back in December.
And I felt the need to explain the safe required both a key AND combination because not every safe does? Some only need one or the other.
#^ I got this ask about a month ago and I've been debating just deleting it or not. Because I'm 32 yrs old#With a kid and a mortgage and two jobs. I have much better things to do than cope and seethe about what strangers on the internet say#But what the hell. I shall cope and seethe just a little bit. I deserve it
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