#did i initially mean to color this in a realistic way? yes
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Self-Refusal Is Self-Protection (Only For So Long)
#did i initially mean to color this in a realistic way? yes#do i think it looks better like this than it would if i had colored it realistically? also yes#anyway its a portrait of neil newbon playing simon walker in hollyoaks later 2012#i chose this title bc i headcanon walker as a bisexual who only understands he's attracted to men bc of Brendan.....which is pretty ironic#did i just out myself as a (former) hollyoaks watcher? maybe#am i ashamed about that? you betcha#still looks cool tho#art#mine#figurative art#portrait#drawing#colorful#pastels#wax pastels#pencil /#fanart#2023 /
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Hey, I wanted to thank you for writing those metas, I love reading them !
I watched good omens only recently and when I initially went through the good omens meta tag I felt kind of frustrated, since there is a lot of the "Crowley really has to learn to stop running away at the slightest problem" and stuff like that going around.
There was also a lot of "why are there so many people hating on aziraphale" but honestly I have trouble even finding a little criticism of him, so I don't understand why people are defending him, since there isn't even a threat? Or is there a tag for Aziraphale criticism I don't know of? ^^'
I'm a bit of tired of treating him, as if he isn't part of the oldest beings in the universe and didn't have time to challenge his thought process or learn how to, especially on earth with Crowley trying to help with that. When I was watching, Aziraphales well meaning behaviour hurt and his ignorance stung. He really is kind of delusional and I don't even know where I am going with these thoughts.
I hope dumping this wall of text in your askbox was okay. Are there any more metas planned? Thank you again, I hope you have a nice week!
Hi anon, thank you so much for the message! Sorry for the late reply. I 100% agree with you. Pretty much all I've seen on Tumblr is people defending Aziraphale or trying to reframe it so that Crowley and Aziraphale are equally at fault. I did see people talking about hate Aziraphale was getting on Twitter, but I don't use Twitter so I don't know what anyone might be saying over there.
Aziraphale is definitely woobified by the fandom, and it gets incredibly frustrating. Like, yes, Aziraphale has a lot of religious trauma. But so does Crowley. The opening scene of season 2 establishes that they've had this fundamental difference in views from the start, even before the fall, so I don't get why Aziraphale still gets so much leeway after refusing to change or grow for 6000+ years. He knows the complexities of humanity better than any other angel, but he keeps doubling down on his flawed belief system.
And season 2 really emphasized that Aziraphale's well-meaning ignorance is legitimately harmful. Like he got Morag killed by applying his overly simplistic worldview to a morally gray situation. And then there's the ball scene? The way Aziraphale dragged others into his rose-colored fantasy world was disturbing, especially with how freaked-out Nina was by it. Then Crowley shows up terrified and asking for help, and Aziraphale dismisses his concerns out of hand. He refuses to let Crowley’s worries put a damper on this Jane Austen ball nobody signed up for.
And Crowley was right. Like he was trying to raise the alarm about the very real danger that everyone was in. I’ve seen it framed a lot like Aziraphale is just an optimist and Crowley is a pessimist, but it goes farther than that. Crowley consistently has a more realistic view of Heaven, Hell, and humanity than Aziraphale does. Aziraphale's inability to engage with reality causes actual harm to both humans and to Crowley. It contributed to the world almost ending in season 1, because Aziraphale wasted a lot of time trying to reach the "right people" in Heaven instead of accepting that Heaven is as bad as Hell and trusting the one person that’s been trying to save the world with him for years.
And it's like, yes, Aziraphale is sympathetic. He’ll be very conflicted, and distressed about how conflicted he is, and then he’ll come around and do the right thing in the end. But it's frustrating to watch Aziraphale seeming to grow and then immediately backsliding. Like, he was ready to fall to protect Job's kids. But he didn't, and he went right back to his beliefs. He didn't lose his faith in Heaven despite the Flood, and Job, and Jesus, and the apocalypse.
He also has this superiority complex, where he's the nice one while Crowley is stuck doing the dirty work. "I am a great deal holier-than-thou" and all that. Aziraphale's belief system makes him "good" by definition. He dismisses and overrides Crowley's opinions instead of changing his own because, on some level or another, he thinks he's better than Crowley by design.
So it’s at the point where Aziraphale needs to do some serious self-reflection. He needs to be the one to make the choice to change fundamental beliefs he’s clung onto since the beginning of time. I think he's capable of changing, and I’m looking forward to how it plays out in s3, but I don’t think we’ll be getting a lot of good fix-its from the fandom any time soon. Most of what I've seen is still fans insisting that since they're both flawed they are both at fault, and their relationship can be fixed by just having them both apologize to each other. If people are looking at it beyond that, I don't know where they're discussing it.
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Chapter 10 - I Ruin a Perfectly Good Bus
Theme of the day: Foresight
Foresight can basically have two meanings: prudence or provision for the future, and being able to see the future. There was a bit of both in this chapter!
We get a look into what the trio packs for their quest, including items that Chiron/CHB provides. They get useful provisions like ambrosia and nectar for wounds, mortal cash and drachmas for all their regular and godly transactions. Percy has very few possessions with him at the camp, as was already mentioned when he moved to cabin 3, so he just has basic essentials. Annabeth has a cool hat and a wicked dagger, but also a book bc a girl’s gotta stay entertained somehow while stuck traveling with two boys across the country lol. Grover has his items to disguise himself as human, a reed pipe for his goat magic except he only knows two (2) songs, and lots of snacks for the long roadtrip. Although most of all this gets destroyed at the end of the chapter sjdkfhs. But just when you think Percy is going out their weaponless, he receives good old Riptide! Whoever enchanted her must’ve been like there’s a kid who’ll use this in the future who can’t keep pens on him for the life of him and they’re probably the realist person in this series. Did Percy a solid lol.
The Hermes shoes Luke gives to Percy, at face value, is foresight on Luke’s part. Seemingly, he wants them to help Percy in someway on his quest. I completely forgot about the shoes tbh, but they’re an important part of the plot later on lol, and a clue to who the traitor is. Because they’re programed to drag the wearer into Tartarus when they enter the underworld and deliver certain godly attributes to a certain Titan. So ig the shoes are Luke’s foresight, just not in the way we might initially expect. Although he definitely didn’t have the foresight that Percy wouldn’t be the one wearing the shoes lmao. Should’ve thought about how a son of Poseidon can’t take to the skies! I wonder if Luke’s awkwardness in wishing Percy good luck was bc he knew that he shouldn’t care, but did anyway. I’m not a Luke apologist in anyway, but he’s such a complicated character that he’s fascinating to analyze lol. And the way Percy admires him!! It’s so cute. Makes the betrayal so much more tragic ;A;
There’s lots of foreshadowing this chapter. Besides the shoes, Kronos is mentioned, Medusa is indirectly referenced, the hints with the Furies saying where is it, and Prometheus is also mentioned although he’s not officially introduced until book 5. I’ll even include the tourist that takes a picture of crazed Percy fleeing the bus in the list too lol. There might be others I missed.
Backtracking a little, I know Grover meant well when talking about Sally, but I wouldn’t tell someone that they should be grateful when a decision or action results in abuse in some way. Like yes, Sally having the foresight in keeping Percy around someone that could mask his demigod smell was a good thing in the long run, but they both suffered from it. I don’t blame Sally at all, because all she wanted was for her son to survive. And who knows what she herself had to deal with when Percy wasn’t around. Maybe he was around for the worse parts and it’s just not narrated. Maybe it wasn’t the best decision per se, but the other options were either Percy dying or Percy growing up without a father and a mother, so 🤷🏾♀️ Can you imagine how he would’ve felt if Sally just left him at camp as a small child. Like they still could’ve kept in contact but Percy probably wouldn’t feel good about it. We might’ve gotten a different story if that was the turn of events. There would be no blue in Percy’s life! Like.... what would Percy be without his obsession for the color blue??
Anywho, it’s late and I’m ranting 😂 I’ll end it with a pondering over what exactly Chiron heard in these prophecies he keeps mentioning 🤨
Small things:
I’ll never get over when we found out Riptide is a girl and the Sword of Summer proceeded to flirt with her lolol
I can’t tell whether Argus is winking at Percy for his pizza joke or charmed by the preteen flirting lol. The very first Percabeth shipper xD
Have I mentioned I love their banter lol
Once more, we get a glimpse into Percy’s extreme loyalty. He can never leave a friend behind 🥺
I had a realization that Hilary Duff’s “So Yesterday” only came out a few years before TLT did and I don’t think I fully comprehended how old this book is until now sjdfhskjdf
Previous: Chapter 9 - I Am Offered a Quest
Next: Chapter 11 - We Visit the Garden Gnome Emporium
#percy jackson#annabeth chase#grover underwood#chiron#luke castellan#pjo argus#pjo#percy jackson and the olympians#the lightning thief#tlt analysis#pjo meta#pjo analysis
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Why is marijuana called pot
There are many shoptalk equivalents for marijuana. In any case, one of the weirdest is the word pot. How did the word for a typical kitchen instrument become shoptalk for marijuana?
The beginning of pot doesn't have anything to do with the culinary apparatus. The word came into use in America in the last part of the 1930s. It is a shortening of the Spanish potiguaya or potaguaya that came from portación de guaya, a wine or cognac wherein marijuana buds have been soaked. It in a real sense signifies "the beverage of sorrow."
Like pot, the word marijuana alludes to cannabis, the hemp plant Cannabis sativa (or Cannabis Indica). The plant fills normally in focal Asia and other warm locales. Its purposes shift from sporting to therapeutic to strict.
Marijuana is the dried leaves and female blossoms of the hemp plant. The world's starting point traces all the way back to the late nineteenth 100 years. It is a Nationalism for the Mexican Spanish marihuana or mariguana, which is related with the individual name María Juana. Mary Jane, coincidentally, is the English adaptation of María Juana.
There are in a real sense many shoptalk terms and various names utilised for marijuana. A large number of the different languages utilised for marijuana or cannabis has been gotten from a blend of the geographic area and the presence of the handled plant.
In the event you didn't know is marijuana pot, yes it is. Cannabis is native to Focal and South Asia as well as other hotter areas.
Not really for cooking
In spite of the fact that you can positively utilise a pot to prepare a heavenly cannabutter, there is no association between the kitchen device and the medication. It appears to be the most settled upon clarification of where the expression "pot" came from will be from the Spanish expression "potacian de guaya" or "potiguaya," alluding to a drunkard mixture of wine or liquor soaks with marijuana leaves. The term signifies "drink of misery."
Or possibly, that is the most realistic estimation we have at the present time. It appears to be the derivation of the expression "pot" has been being referred to since it initially came into dissemination. I'm no language master, yet I have not had the option to find anything approving these words and their starting points. What I found while looking through the term was a great deal of contention over what's valid and so forth.
Sadly, it appears we're left with this affiliation that might possibly be exact. There's a decent opportunity the beginning of "pot" was erroneously credited with "potiguaya" and ultimately turned into an acknowledged clarification with nothing better to contend with.
Different hypotheses
The expression "pot" coming from a "drink of pain" consisting of wine or cognac imbued with cannabis is generally a hypothesis. There is no substantial response with respect to where the word started. The other most normal hypothesis out there is "it's called pot since you develop it in a pot." Accept that as you will, yet I will stay with the more probable situation that pot started from a cannabis-soaks cocktail.
Meanings of the term
Any reasonable person would agree that individuals actually prefer to allude to cannabis as pot, however it has become less continuous as terms like "weed" among the more youthful age of smokers.
In any case, referring to cannabis as "pot" accompanies its own issues, particularly for those attempting to switch the disgrace up the plant. The term actually evokes symbolism of sluggish, creatively colored stoners lounging around a table That '70s style.
In one model, a man wearing a three-piece matching suit who showed up at a San Diego city counsellor's office to campaign for cannabis regulations was met with "where's the pot fellow?"
Since he didn't fit the councillor's assumption of what a "pot fellow" was, he wasn't even perceived as the man prepared to campaign for better regulations. In an industry that is as yet starting out, the disgrace of sluggish, unmotivated or even unintelligent individuals smoking up doobies and finishing nothing is very harming.
The symbolism some join to pot "profoundly irritates the marijuana business, which is telling people in general — some of the time delicately, once in a while tersely — that they ought to use the word cannabis."
Others in the business bring up that terms like "pot" and "weed" neglect to feature the logical side of the plant and overlook the various health advantages related with cannabis. Simply hearing the expression "pot shop" or "weed store" can switch more established ages off from searching out cannabis items in light of the regrettable underlying meanings with the words.
Writers battle with involving the right wording for their crowds too. Terms like "pot", "weed", and "marijuana" all have their own one of a kind implications with long stretches of history behind them, and the possibility to set different perusers off. It appears "cannabis" is the most ideal way to abstain from disturbing others while alluding to the plant.
Last pot contemplations
The overall agreement is that the expression "pot" starts from the Spanish expression "potiguaya" signifying "the beverage of sadness", a combination of liquor or wine with cannabis leaves. While a few word references and sources guarantee this history, there's no substantial proof to back this up.
Any place the term came from, it's still incredibly predominant today. Many individuals in the business maintain that the term should be supplanted with cannabis since it's the genuine name of the plant and leaves less space for negative disgrace. Assuming you're attempting to persuade your moderate auntie that utilizing cannabis might assist with facilitating her throbbing pain, would she say she is bound to be open to "we should go to the pot shop" or "we should go to the cannabis dispensary?"
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photo cred: arcanaex0tica (tony)
tarot on earth.
when i first started learning the tarot (how many ever years ago, i think it's like five going on six at this point), i did so like most people and that was by treating them like flashcards. but as tom benjamin says, tarot cards are not flashcards.
flashcards are often colorless with one word or phrase on each side. tarot cards are colorful and complicated. i was defeating myself.
now, before i continue, yes - it is important to learn general, base meanings to help create some sort of foundation for yourself (i may have said this elsewhere). however, those meanings aren't always realistic when giving readings to people today. i could give a few examples, perhaps, but for now: i digress.
what if i told you that there are more constructive, slightly unconventional ways to learn the tarot and it's various meanings without sitting at a desk with pen and paper, writing each card and key words "three times each" like how you used to do for your spelling and vocabulary in elementary school? this is not an original idea, more and more readers are recognizing this, slowly but surely. it's a conversation.
once you have a general idea of at least some of the cards, you can begin to identify those cards within the details of your everyday life, happening in real time.
for instance, please scroll back up and look at the image above. i'll wait. got a good look? cool. that is a picture i took with my phone while hiking with a buddy of mine. it's highly edited of course, but the sentiment remains: i was reminded of a tarot card.
to some degree this is all a given, because the tarot and the stories within it are based on human experiences. and while the act of hiking with my best friend is certainly a tarot card of it's own - such as the memories found within the six of cups, the productivity found within the eight of pentacles, or the sense of adventure that comes with the page of wands - a little too "concrete," if you will. my interests lie in where the lines are more blurred, and that is the natural world.
i took to twitter, posting this same image and said: "humor me for a second, and tell me what tarot card this image reminds you of" and as you probably imagine, i got a variety of answers from other tarot readers.
one person who responded to my tweet said judgement, a card that refers to life and its many phases. someone else said the six of swords, as nature is most definitely healing. my initial impression was the wheel of fortune which a card marked by natural changes. life ebbs and flows. while hiking, some parts of my path were clear but other parts were more muddy and rocky. the point is, this one image caught on camera was able to inform a plethora of meaning. there is a story still being told and just by being aware of what's around me, tarot meanings were assigned (with the help of others, of course).
this is where the tarot resides, and if you can make a habit of identifying tarot in your day to day life, learning the tarot can start to feel like significantly less grueling than some of the more traditional approaches. and if you allow yourself to blur lines, you can come up with your own meanings - which still make sense - for the cards, too.
tony
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Hot take that might get me in trouble.
Max has survivors guilt and has created an idealized version of who Billy could’ve become if he was separated from the environment he was in [his father] and that is why she feels the guilt that she does in Season Four.
This is pure rambling.
Billy is not a good person like at all. No matter which way you slice it.
Yes, he was forced to do the shit he was doing in season 3 bc of the mindflayer. but he’s still violently racist towards Lucas, abusive towards Max, and literally gives no fucks for the possibility of killing someone [himself, max, or a pedestrian] in the way he drives that ‘beloved’ car. He doesn’t change after season two. He doesn’t suddenly get better and he doesn’t learn from his mistakes.
You’re allowed to feel bad for him after Season Three because the entirety of his arc in Season Three shows you that he never really had a chance because of his father - he lost his mother at a young age, he was abused by his father, forced to move in with Max and her mother, then forced to move to Hawkin’s likely against his will and then he’s being forced into being a Supernatural Monster by the mind flayer [and thus Vecna] BUT
Billy was already a Monster in season two. He was just a human one. He was fallible and unmistakably realistic. He terrorized Max until she Forces him to stop [literally by threatening to kill him*] after he slams Lucas into a wall for being anywhere near Max - and I’d like to point out that there were several other kids he could’ve gone after, because Billy did initially threaten Max away from that whole group* but he chose to go after Lucas specifically and no - it’s not because Lucas was the closest to him. And I’d like to point out that Lucas is barely like 12 at this time, so not only did he go after the One person of color in the room but he did go after a literal c.h.i.l.d. for no good reason at all.
Headcanoning characters in a specific way is whatever, but you cannot disregard the fact that IN CANON he’s an asshole dickwad whose blatantly racist and abusive towards more than one person. You can’t just write that away with your fanfictions, especially if you don’t take the time to actually make the character apologize and make amends and actually Do Better in your fics. And just because you write a redemption fic for your character doesn’t mean the group of people that character actively went against need to move on from the fucked up things that character did. Prettiness and sad deaths does not equal redemption.
Now when we get to Season Four with Max, she’s in mourning. And I’d like to discuss the psychological bullshit she’s had to go through.
Now, we see that Max was Really little when her and Billy were first introduced to each other and learned they’d be family bc their mother and father, respectively, were getting married. so it’s entirely possible that she did, in a way, love him as a brother and functioned off the abuse as a “This is what he does to me because his father does it to him” as her way of excusing and processing the abuse that Billy caused.
She stands up for herself in Season 2 after Billy goes after Lucas. Now, I can’t for sure say she’s never stood up to Billy prior to that in a way that actually made an impact but, I’d say she likely didn’t given that she even looks shocked after she stands up to him even if only for a second*.
Then in Season Three we see this odd rocky balance between Billy and Max where they’d found a footing where Billy didn’t fuck with Max and Max didn’t bother Billy. When they first start suspecting Billy might be infected by the mindflayer, Max hopes he’s not. Literally begging him not to be because she does think of him as family in some sort of way - asking him to not be this monster they think he’s become.
In season four we learn that for a while she wished that he’d get into an accident while driving because of how horrible he is to her. I’d say that was more somewhere around season 2 time, she spend a lot of season two hating him -understandably- so around Season Two I think is when she was making those late night wishes.
Come Season Three, there was distance, Billy wasn’t as blatant in the abuse and I think this is when she started to create the idealized version of Billy. I think because she got a reprieve from the abuse she started to do what every traumatized abused child does and either makes excuses, to create this person who looks like Billy, talks like Billy, but is better, does better, acts better.
He doesn’t hit her anymore, so it’s okay. He doesn’t grab her arm anymore, so it’s okay. He doesn’t threaten her anymore, so it’s okay. He stays away from her friends, so it’s okay. He’s better, none of what was before matters now. He’s better and I’m better and everything is safe. It’s the mentality a lot of people use when they’re trying not to be afraid anymore, process shit, and move on but have to do it alone [I speak from experience]
So I think by Season Four, after Billy dies the idealized version of him was solidified into Max’s mind. Then the survivors guilt set in. And everything got set on fire and grew bigger.
When we see Max she’s in complete mourning. She’s hiding away from everything and burying herself into music and ignoring all of her friends. Including her boyfriend - who himself was attacked by Billy personally. That part of why I think she yanked herself away from the group.
Firstly, she processes trauma on her own. Being away from the group is her trauma response. Because being lonely is her default. Obviously, look at season 2′s beginning. She didn’t form a trauma bond with anyone after Billy died because everyone saw him as the villain - except, really, El -- who then moved away with the Byers. She didn’t have the same traumatic experience as everyone else. Everyone saw some asshole dude die after doing horrible shit after being a horrible person. Max saw someone who abused her but was family and she had such a complicated love-hate relationship with die and she wasn’t able to save him. and she wished for that to happen and now it did.
Lucas, to be specific, might not fully understand Max’s grief because to him Billy is a villain - clear cut, and Max knows that so she feels like she can’t actually express anything she’s been feeling at all because she knows the idealized version of him in her head is bullshit. So she isolates herself. I know from experience that with grief, your brain basically bombards you with all the good memories while conveniently avoiding the bad ones. I think it’s like some form of wierd chemical response to an overwhelming amount of sadness, your brain basically tries to balance itself out by reminding you of happy things. It’s fucked.
So, now, she’s remembering all the minorly happy memories she had of Billy, seeing her Mom fall apart after Billy’s Dad left them (so no reason, man did not care about his son at all), feels her own guilt at him dying, feels guilt at her surviving when she literally wished for him to die, she’s remembering this “it wasn’t so bad” idealized version of the dude who abused her, and Now she’s trauma-responding herself into dealing with it alone.
I will give her a round of applause for going to therapy though. Even though it was a school counselor and those are notoriously unreliable.
TLDR: I think Max has survivors guilt that convinced her that Billy was better than he actually was because Trauma does stupid shit to your brain and that’s why she goes through the entirety of Season Four so alone but that doesn’t mean that Billy was actually a good person and that’s why Max has such a hard time.
* - If I’m remembering correctly, I haven’t gotten to season 2 in my rewatch yet.
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albedo—first kisses.
series: genshin males as kisses to write about
others included: kaeya, albedo, zhongli, childe, kazuha, thoma, ayato, scaramouche (all will be linked on my pinned once posted)
genre: fluff
tags/warnings: mutual pining, mutual feelings, yall see life in rose colored glasses, ITS BEEN A WHILE SINCE IVE WRITTEN THIS AND NOT IN THE MOOD TO REREAD FOR TAGS SORRY, kinda similar to my other ff cold but not rlly, also this did not go like the "first kiss" i intended to write like but it be like that
desc/blurb: feelings bloomed amidst the silence on the snowy mountains until you and albedo have confessed your feelings to each other. not for too long, he initiates the first move.
...
it was only yesterday since you have admitted your feelings for each other. surprisingly, it went smoother than you realistically expected it to. of course, prior that you've had your fantasies which were novel but also toned it down with realistic expectations. but oh, archons, may you thank them for blessing you with a man like albedo. well, technically he isn't /your/ man just yet, but he was /the/ man.
you were alone in the camp in dragonspine, having arrived earlier than you meant to. you liked the solitude of the place, but it also only gave you much more space for your thoughts of albedo. especially since you've already made your feelings clear for him, and he responded positively. he said he, too, wanted to try it. but what was that supposed to really mean? so are you together now? but it wasn't like you guys made it official. or was that even a requirement to begin with? perhaps albedo was right; relationships /are/ troublesome.
though at the same time, you were willing to build a connection with him, which you believed wouldn't be that difficult as with your current "status" with him. if ever things don't go as well, as it is an inevitable of relationships, you'd also be willing to re-establish it. you hoped he felt the same.
albedo soon arrived at the camp, and you felt giddy all over. much more than the usual. you thought of how to ask him all the questions in your head, but couldn't find the right phrasing. albedo could already figure out that there was something bothering you. "i...have a present for you," he said, and held out a hand with fresh flowers on it.
"cecilias..." you took the flowers from his hand with a smile and wondered if this was his way of courting you. or if he was even courting you. you were really unsure and you didn't want to ruin the moment, but you just really had to ask.
"is there anything bothering you? you look like there's something in your mind. is it the flowers? d-did i perhaps...overdo it?" said albedo. "i am not really experienced in this...area."
"no! no, it's not the flowers...i mean—yes, i do love them and thank you. they're pretty and i'll take care of them but...yesterday, when you said you wanted to "try it out" what exactly did you mean by that...?" you asked hesitantly.
albedo stepped closer to you, and you swore to the gods you feel like a teenager in-love, getting all nervous and giddy around their crush. you pursed your lips together and soon you felt another pair on yours. you stood there, frozen. perhaps, the sheer cold? but you could feel your insides burning up, and a warm feeling blooming on your chest. and your heartbeat was fast—or was that albedo's?
your brain just short-circuited, only calming down when you felt albedo's hands on your arms, caressing your shoulders. up to that point, he started to move his lips. you followed, rather hesitantly as you were unsure how to actually kiss. you wondered whether albedo had kissed someone else before. but your mind didn't linger at the thought for long when you finally gave in to the feeling and let go of your thoughts. the answer to your question also seemed clear now. this was what he wanted to try out.
soon, a hand was on the back of your neck as yours travelled to his arms; one which was finding its way to your waist. you shivered at the contact, which albedo took as a good sign, smiling against your lips. you pulled him closer, and just took every chance you could to peck his lips—slow and sweet little pecks. those were all you were confident enough to do, and so you were thankful when albedo took the initiative once more to deepen the kiss.
"have you ever done this before?" you asked in between.
"no. there's a reason i wanted to try it out. specifically with you. as my first." he sealed his response with one more peck on your lips, then pressing your foreheads together.
you only smiled. you brought your hands up to his face, admiring him not from afar anymore. this time you could touch and see his features closely.
#albedo#albedo genshin impact#genshin impact#albedo fanfic#albedo imagine#albedo drabble#albedo fluff#genshin impact imagine#albedo imagines#albedo drabbles#genshin headcannons#albedo headcannons#albedo x reader#albedo genshin impact x reader#genshin impact x reader
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TOMMY SHELBY
Marrying Off for Love
Requested: yes (by anonymous)
Prompts: none
Warning(s): language
Word Count: 1.8K
Author's note: I made this as realistic as possible! It ends neutrally I think; not happily but not you know... It's an ending fit for the Peaky Blinders!
This is a Reader x OC / Tommy Shelby x daughter!reader one shot
~
Being free of the name was always a distant thought in your mind. You would weigh the good and the bad of having a last name with significant influence. The good somehow always overthrown the bad, leaving you with everything other than a clear, calm mind.
Sure, the luxury that came with being a Shelby was worth the sacrifice. So was your twisted family, you guessed.
At least until you met him.
A fine man with a heart of gold. Quite literally the only man in Britain worth your while.
He was perfect in every way with his looks and his manners… save for the name, of course.
Alessi Villin.
That was just your luck. Getting attention of your father's rivaling gangsters and falling head over heels in love with the man in charge.
So what does a girl do in that situation?
She chooses love of course.
***
"What the bloody hell is wrong with Y/N?" Asked Arthur after barging into the Garrison that was empty just several moments later. No man stayed upon hearing that the Shelby's were gathering for a meeting. The oldest of the brothers, and coincidentally your favorite one, leaned over the empty bar having decided to fix himself s strong drink.
"How's Linda?" Asked Polly instead, pressing her cigarette against the ash tray. She had left a few cigarettes burn themselves out until the smell started to dominate. Satisfied, she leaned back, never looking more imposing as she did right then.
"She's alright," he mumbled, swinging the glass so the drink practically flew into his throat like a rapid.
"Right," started Ava, discarding her coat on a lone chair before settling in the middle of the huddled Shelby family. "Family meeting."
"We can't start," Arthur announced suddenly, crashing onto a chair with a bottle of scotch in hand. "Y/N's not 'ere."
"Then where in the bloody hell is she?" Ada asked with a tired frown, knowing you were never late for the meetings. You showed your distaste toward them yes, but never in your life have you avoided or been purposely late to one.
It intrigued Tommy to know too. His daughter was his whole world. You were the piece of his past life that not even war could take away. Even though he didn't show it.
But the man shook his head, knowing one thing – his daughter wasn't a stupid girl. Like her aunts, she was every bit as cunning and smart. A true Shelby lady.
But still.
Where were you?
Only Polly Gray knew, but she wasn't going to say a word until it was deemed necessary.
***
The top of the grass hill has overlooked the forests for many years. The soft array of green grass and variously colored wildflowers goes on for miles all around. The air is cool against your skin, with a touch of humidity from the last night's rain.
Your legs stretch out in front of you like you've ran for miles. The blissful feeling from the position you're in eases your tense muscles. It's beautiful really, despite the slightly damp ground. Your back falls against the grass and hair spreads at the ground. The sky is clear, the perfect shade of light blue. It almost looks too good to be true. It makes you smile in delight, as you didn't really remember the last time you truly drew in a fresh breath of air.
The man who had brought you out too see this was even more beautiful. Alessi's carefree smile pursued by eyes the same shade as grass around you put your mind at ease. Helped you think clearly. Something you hadn't done in a long time.
You looked at him and saw what you wanted to be – someone free of chains that hold one's mind back from thinking out of the box. Someone loyal to a fault and loving.
"Oi! Come here," you bellowed, sitting up and waving your hands in the air to get him away from the red wildflowers and into your arms.
Alessi didn't waste a beat and marched back toward you.
Wrapped in each other's embrace, and you never felt more at home.
That thought scared you. It scared you to know that now, there was another place you called home. In the arms of your father's rival none the less.
But that's what he gets for leaving you to your thoughts all your life. He let you be swallowed by the doubts and insecurities until he couldn't do anything about the said fact.
You had always told yourself; It's the war. The war had done that to him.
But shouldn't a father love his daughter more than anything in the world? Tommy is a complicated man that chose to move his family up in the world as a way to cope with the lingering nightmares of the war.
"Penny for your thoughts?" Alessi had asked, immediately pulling you out of the train of thoughts in your mind.
"That raspy voice of yours is the sweetest of songs to my ears," you mused with a smile, head against his chest that rose and fell with rhythmic ease.
His laugh broke out, disrupting the peaceful atmosphere.
You sat up and reached for his pocket, pulling out his favorite pocket watch to check the time. He had it custom made - the watch – wanting to have both of your initials on the front.
You melted every time you saw it.
"I missed the family meeting," you said suddenly, realization sinking in. Alessi met your eyes after you had finished quietly cursing the planet.
"I mean," you started, "It's not like I wanted to go. That's more of a formality I guess… Showing up and all."
He nodded in understanding but a question stood in front of the understanding, "Then why'd you fall in love with me? My family meeting was 2 days ago."
You bit your lip, not quite knowing how to answer.
Alessi didn't look any different than before asking the question as he stood up off the damp grass, fetching his waistcoat to put on. "What are you doing?"
"Preparing," he simply said, the thick Scouse accent breaking out with the word.
"Preparing for what?" You asked him, scurrying over to stand up.
"To ask you to marry me."
He appeared in front of you, and like a gentleman went down on one knee. There wasn't a gangster in him at that moment, the façade for the public disappeared to show something he showed only you.
Love.
Something you hadn't experienced in a long time.
"I don't care about your family, Y/N." Alessi said, "The only one I care about is you. I don't want to start a war with them because I don't want to see you get hurt. That's how much I care for you. That is just how much I love you."
Whatever happened in the next moments were true.
You had chosen to be someone's bride.
You had chosen a side you would stand by for the rest of your life.
***
The Shelby meeting could be thrown straight in the mud. Every family member went after their thing and the only thing that did seem to flow in peace was the alcohol.
"No, I really think someone kidnapped her." Arthur repeated for the 5th time, truly believing that someone had forcefully taken you as a leverage against them.
"She's not missing."
Polly saw no point in keeping your secret at that moment and so for the first time, you had given her the honors of revealing something instead of you.
"Then where the fuck is she, eh?" Arthur voiced.
Aunt Pol smiled down at Tommy who was holding the wooden chair in a vise grip, not saying a word for a few moments. Her lust for the dramatics only brought new tension into the room. "With the man she loves."
Polly's words shocked everyone present. Arthur choked on his alcohol; Ada's eyes went wide; Lizzie froze in her seat, her cigarette left and forgotten in her hand.
And as your father.
He wore a blank expression on his face even when he asked, "Who?"
Polly chuckled, "Alessi Villin, of course."
"Hold the fuck up!" Arthur butted in. "That bastard Villin we've been having trouble with?! What the hell happened with 'Don't fuck with the Peaky Blinders'? What the hell is wrong with 'er?"
"Y/N was never a Peaky," Polly told him, glancing at Tommy just as those words left her mouth. "But you knew that already, didn't you Tommy?"
"I suspected," Your dad admitted. "Just not with-"
"Your fucking competition…" Ada finished for him, clicking her tongue in pure disbelief, "I say good for her. She'll be the one that managed to get away from this twisted family!"
"Yea and then go to another one that's just like fucking us! Maybe even fucking worse!"
Both Ada and Arthur were shouting at each other now. The two were accompanied by Lizzie who had her own comments to add too.
Polly and Tommy stared each other down, "That boy loves her Tommy," Pol said. "She's his whole world. I saw it with my own eyes. And she loves him too."
Thomas said nothing as his aunt left the stunned family alone in the Garrison pub, ending the Shelby meeting with a single sentence.
***
You stood in front of your father's office door after being summoned the moment you were spotted back in Birmingham. With calm hands you twiddled the ring on your finger as a soon-to-be married woman.
You had a fiancé.
And you had to tell your dad about it.
But given that you missed the meeting, and Polly – the only person that knew – was there to fill in for your absence, you were sure the word has spread. Especially when you spotted Finn acting out the moment he saw you get out of the car. That boy can't keep a secret to save his life.
"You wanted to see me, Dad?" You asked once he called you in.
"Yes," he said, gaze locked on the papers. "Sit down."
You rolled your eyes at the tone and took a seat, taking out a cigarette and lighting it.
"An expensive ring you have there," Your father pointed to your left hand with his pen. "Is that what you spend your money on?"
"Was there a reason you wanted to see me?"
He pinched the bridge of his nose, "I've decided that your engagement to Alessi Villin is a good thing."
Hope sparked at that moment, making you ignore the fact that he knew of the engagement before you even told him. "Really?"
"You have my blessing but should your engagement fail, there is going to be a war. But if you go through with this and marry him, our family and the Villin family will be united forever and this war will be over."
You hardly believed your ears. "Y-you…"
Your father said nothing. "I'm not marrying so you could do business in Liverpool!"
"The Mersey river is Alessi's territory," he tried to reason. "If you marry him than we can-"
"There is no 'we' anymore Dad!" You bellowed through sudden tears, surprising both Tommy and yourself with your voice's strength. "I'm getting bloody married! To the man that I love at last, and you're acting like we're signing a bloody contract!"
The river of words flew out your mouth, "Don't treat me like you treated John! My marriage isn't like his!"
"Now, if that's all," You stood up and fixed your skirt. "I'd like to leave. I have a wedding to plan."
You pressed your cigarette into his ash tray before turning on your heel and leaving your father for the first time in your life, to his own thoughts.
~
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Hi! I was just watching good omens and I came up with some questions, but I didn't know whom to ask, so I was digging around for go analysis blogs and found you. *takes a breath* So, I was wondering if you had any thoughts on why Heaven's camera angles are the way they are. I noticed that, in heaven, the camera tends to focus on the characters' heads specifically, so they fill most of the screen. Either it's a meta reason or a reference to something (like Newt with the Office) that I'm not getting. That's the main thing, but I've also wondered why exactly Aziraphale uses the verb "fraternize" in the 19th century. It seemed an odd pivot from caring about Crowley's safety to Heaven's rules. Thanks so much!
Hello! Omg yes, let's talk Good Omens cinematography.
First, the obligatory Analysis Disclaimer: I doubt there's a specific interpretation that you're just not getting, some singular, "correct" reading of the scene(s). Two years past release, I'm positive the fandom as a whole has come up with plenty of ideas (I mostly hang on the periphery. I'm far from up to date with GO meta), but any and all of it will, by nature, be subjective. Thus, all I can offer is my own, personal interpretation.
So for me? It's about intimacy.
Not intimacy in the sense of friendship, but rather the broad idea of closeness. Confidentiality. Emotion. Knowledge. Understanding by means of literally getting into the thick of these conversations. I love the camerawork in Heaven (and elsewhere) because the camera itself acts like a person — an additional party to these interactions. And, since we're the ones watching this show via the camera, it makes it feel as if we're peeking into scenes that are otherwise private. Obviously all cinematography does this to a certain extent, the camera is always watching someone or something without acknowledging that we're doing the watching (outside of documentary-esque filmmaking), but GO uses angles and closeups to mimic another person observing these scenes, someone other than the characters involved.
The easiest example I can give here is when Michael makes their call to Ligur. Here, the camera is positioned up on the next landing of the staircase, as if we're sneaking a look down at this otherwise secret call. There's even a moment when the camera pans to the right to look at them through the gap in the railing, briefly obscuring Michael from our view.
Here, a standard expectation of any scene — keep your character in focus — is done away with to instead mimic the movements of someone actually hiding in the stairwell, listening in on the conversation. It creates that feeling of intimacy, as if we're really there with Michael, not just watching Michael through a screen. The camerawork acts like a person overhearing an illicit conversation prior to falling back on mid/closeup shots. We're spying on them.
To give a non-Heaven example, the camera helps us connect with Aziraphale during Gabriel's jogging scene. It's hard to show through screenshots, but if you re-watch you'll see that the camera initially keeps them both in the frame with full body shots, allowing us to compare things like Gabriel's unadorned gray workout clothes with Aziraphale's more stylish outfit; one's good jogging form and the other's awkward shuffle. However, this distance also creates the sense that we're jogging with them, we're keeping pace.
That is, until Aziraphale begins to lag. Then the camera lags too, giving them both the chance to catch up, so to speak.
Until, finally, Aziraphale has to stop completely and the camera, of course, stops with him. We're emotionally attuned to Aziraphale, not Gabriel, and the camerawork reflects that. Even more-so when we cut to a low shot of Gabriel's annoyed huff at having to stop at all, making him appear larger and more imposing. Because to Aziraphale, he is.
This work carries over into Heaven's other scenes. The closeups are pretty much a given since, whether it's Gabriel realizing Aziraphale has been "fraternizing" with Crowley (more on that below!), or Aziraphale choosing to go back to Earth, the scenes in Heaven are incredibly important to the narrative. Closeups allow the viewer to get a good read on each character's emotional state — focusing on minute facial changes as opposed to overall body language — and that fly-on-the-wall feeling is increased as we literally get an up close and personal look at these pivotal moments.
Compare a shot like this one of Gabriel to the line of angels ready for battle. We don't get closeups on any of their faces because their emotions aren't important. Yes, that's in part because they're background characters, not main characters, but a lack of emotion — their willingness to enter this war without question — is also the point of their presence in this scene. So they remain a semi-identical, nearly faceless mass that runs off into infinity down that hallway, not any individual whose inner life we get a peek at via a closeup.
I particularly like Aziraphale's conversation with the angel... general? Idk what to call this guy. He's just gonna be Mustache Angel. But, getting back on track, his scene has a lot of over the shoulder shots which, admittedly, are pretty common. From a practical perspective they're used to help the audience situate both characters in the scene — you're here, you're there, this is how you're spaced during this conversation — but it can also help emphasize that closeness between them. Keeping both characters in the shot connects them and though Aziraphale and Mustache Angel definitely aren't on the same page here, those shots help cue us in to the unwanted intimacy of this moment. They're both angels... even though Aziraphale no longer aligns himself with them. They're both soldiers in a war... but Aziraphale will not fight. This angel has a list of Aziraphale's secrets, including that he once had a flaming sword and lost it... but Aziraphale doesn't want to admit those circumstances to him. This angel wouldn't understand, even if he did. Intimacy here, connection and closeness, is something discomforting because Aziraphale can no longer embrace those similarities. They put him (and us) out of sorts, so when we get them both in frame, that connection creates tension, not relief.
And many of those over the shoulder shots are given sharp angels, or the camera is placed too close to the "off screen" party. Compare a shot like Luke and Rey to Aziraphale and Mustache Angel. Here, Luke is a clean, solid line on the left side of the screen, just enough there to cue us in to where he is in relationship to Ray, In contrast, Mustache Angel's mustache is Too Close and proves rather distracting. Rey and Luke are connecting here over being Jedi with responsibilities to uphold (or at least, Luke will acknowledge that connection later lol); Mustache Angel is forcing a connection with Aziraphale that makes everyone uncomfortable.
We are too close to him here. He feels too close to Aziraphale too. This whole conversation is upsetting and discomforting, pushing Aziraphale to finally choose which side he's on (his own with Crowley). The shots aren't meant to subtly keep the audience from getting lost and then otherwise be unobtrusive, we're supposed to be Very Aware of this angel's body and how close he's getting to the character we've come to identify with — both literally (he's leaning in) and in terms of forcing Aziraphale to finally make his choice.
When Mustache Angel marches forward and gets all up in Aziraphale's face, the camera positions itself behind Aziraphale in a way that makes it feel like we're hiding behind him, with Aziraphale taking up far more of the screen than Luke does. Like the scene with Michael or running with Gabriel, the camera often likes to mimic a "realistic" response to these events. This angry, shouty angel is getting closer, best take a step back and stay out of sight behind Aziraphale, holding his ground.
These closeups also serve as a nice contrast to the wide and longshots we get of Heaven. It's an imposing place with skyscrapers in the distance, lots of steel, immaculate floors, and endless white. It's overwhelming and it's cold. But then we cut to those mid-shots of Gabriel and Michael, telling us that they're in control of it all.
Aziraphale? Aziraphale is not in control. Not now, anyway. When he appears in Heaven we get a longshot to show off this endless void and he's just another, tiny speck in it. If he weren't flailing around — an acting move that likewise helps sell how out of his depth he is — it's unlikely you'd even notice him. Aziraphale's clothing and hair blends in perfectly with the background. He's forgettable. Easily overlooked. Someone to underestimate. And when he moves, he has to come to the camera. We don't cut to Aziraphale to establish control like we do with Gabriel. He's left to awkwardly shuffle up to Mustache Angel until he's finally come into view.
Yet when Aziraphale makes his decision, he aligns himself with the brightest, most colorful, most interesting thing in the room: Earth. Earth, with all its messy individuality, is the antithesis to Heaven's controlled uniformity and a bright blue orb hanging in the midst of all this white helps remind us of that. Aziraphale rejects becoming one of the identical soldiers and instead literally reaches out for the one thing in Heaven that doesn't fit in.
When he leaves, we get an extreme closeup for the first time. Mustache Angel is pissed and as such we not only get a good look at his face in the aftermath of Aziraphale's choice, but that extreme closeup on his mouth as he's shouting too. It's like he's shouting directly at us, the viewer who is currently cheering on Aziraphale's decision. There's a war, dammit... but we don't care. Not in the way he cares, anyway.
So there's a lot! And I could probably go on, but apparently I'm only allowed to add 10 images per post now (tumblr what the actual fuck if anyone knows a way around this please share!) and I've already had to merge a bunch of images like an animal. So let's awkwardly finish up with the duck pond scene.
...without a GIF because they apparently count as images too 🙃
Simply put, I don't think Aziraphale bringing up fraternizing is a pivot from one to the other — from caring about Crowley to caring about Heaven's rules. I mean yes, Aziraphale is lagging behind Crowley in terms of rebellion and a part of him is, at this point, absolutely concerned with how he'll come across to the higherups, but that worry doesn't stem solely from a (now very shaky) desire to obey for the sake of obeying. The thing is, Aziraphale's disobedience is, by default, also Crowley's disobedience. If they're friends and they're ever found out, they'll both get in trouble. Which, we know from the end of Season One, basically means being wiped from existence. That's horrifying! And it's a horror that threatens them both. I don't think Aziraphale cares about rules for the sake of rules; after all, he started off by giving away his sword, lying to God, is currently meeting with Crowley anyway... this angel has always ignored/bent the rules — established and implied — that don't suit him. Rather, he cares about the rules if he thinks they have a chance of being enforced. If there will be consequences for breaking and bending them. This is still about caring for Crowley (as well as saving his own, angelic skin). If they're found out, Crowley dies. And, as we the viewer learn, Heaven was indeed observing them that whole time. There was always legitimate risk attached to this relationship. Aziraphale's fear, hesitance, and at times forceful pleas to stop this stem as much from Aziraphale worrying about Crowley's safety as they do a learned instinct to obey the rules without question. He pushes to end the relationship because the relationship threatens the only thing Aziraphale cares about more than that: Crowley himself.
As for the term "fraternizing," that's a loaded one! I won't go into a whole history lesson here, but suffice to say it has military roots: to sympathize as brothers with an opponent. That is literally what Crowley and Aziraphale are doing. They are an angel and a demon, supposedly innate enemies, supposedly poised for an inevitable war... yet they've formed an incredibly strong kinship. They've both learned to love their enemy, the thing every army fears because, well, then your army won't fight (just as Aziraphale won't). However, beyond the enemy implications, "to fraternize" eventually took on a sexual meaning: to not merely love as a brother, but to lay with the enemy too, usually women from enemy countries (because, you know, heteronormativity). Nowadays, "to fraternize" often implies a sexual component. I've been rewatching The Good Wife lately and in one subplot, the State's Attorney cracks down on fraternization in his office. He doesn't mean his employees are forming bonds with assumed enemies, he means his employees are having sex on his office couch. So Aziraphale's phrasing here carries a LOT of weight. He's both reminding Crowley of their stations in the world — you are a demon, I am an angel, us meeting like this can have formal, irrevocable consequences for us both — as well as, given the fact that this is a love story, drawing attention to the depth of this relationship. They love one another, as more than just friends. Though whether Crowley's scathing "Fraternizing?" is a response to Aziraphale falling back on the technicalities of their positions, or acknowledging a love he's yet to overtly admit and commit to — or both! — is definitely up for debate.
#Good Omens#Ineffable Husbands#Air Conditioning#mymetas#whew#long post!#with too few images imo#with this done I'm gonna steam#about tumblr's absurd limitations#how's a girl supposed to do meta on this website anyway
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Slashers x S/O W/ Red Angel Wings
A/n- Y’know, when I first got this request I thought it was awfully specific, but after watching Carrie it’s making a lot more sense lol
Decided to add a few other characters just for the heck of it! :)
Let’s just ignore the fact that wings probably don’t work like this,, at all.
Characters: Carrie White, Billy/Stu, Norman Bates, Michael Myers, and The Lost Boys.
T/W: None that I know of- just let me know if you’d like me to add any! :)
Carrie White
You know Carrie from around school. About her overtly Christian mother, and how shy and secluded she was. And how strange and weird other people saw her. You never bought into that schoolwide belief- you just thought no one took the time to get to know her.
(part of you related to that- though most people would have thought you were cool to start out with...and then have less than kind reactions when they saw what you were hiding)
You’d interacted with Carrie only a handful of times throughout your high school career- mostly in group projects, or letting her know she had dropped something, or simply trying to spark conversation. She had always been very nervous around you though- almost more so than others. (You’d later come to find out it was because she liked you)
It’s the first time you see each other alone- outside of class. It’s after class and Carrie’s been held behind- by one of her teachers asking her about this and that. While you’re hanging out at the back of the school, there’s no sports that day, so you don’t have to worry about any onlookers. Except Carrie, who decides to head out the back way. Thinking there would be less people she’d run into- less of a hassle.
And she doesn’t know what to do.
The way you're framed in the light, you look like you're glowing. You look unreal, and so holy and beautiful. You’re so beautiful. but then she spots your wings. They're fitted tightly on your back, flitting open, and spreading out so beautifully- you're standing centered as they flare out. And she's shocked and unsure.
Oh, she'd be mighty frightened.
She's shaking and crying, and she's got her mama's voice running through her head. This is what happens when you don't follow the rules exactly. When you come into this world so impure.
And oh, your wings! She let's out a gasp, eyes widening. They're colored crimson- the Devil's color. And she's sure you've come down from the Heavens or- or come from down below...come to mock her. To punish her
She knows you know what she's done. What unknowing sins she's committed. [ my poor girl hasn’t actually done anything though :( ]
And you look at her, confused. Then your eyes soften, and your wings slowly close behind you. You gently smile, “I’m not here to harm you, Carrie.”
She begins to calm at the soft sound of your voice, and your pleasant aura. She’s still shaky all over, and part her says to run and hide- but you have your arms out wide, offering her to join you. And she gulps down nervously- maybe this was her accepting her fate. She slowly walks over to you, allowing you to wrap her into a hug. It’s feels so good to have your arms wrapped around her- she feels overwhelmed by the amount of positive emotions sprouting from your actions. You let her stay there, crying in your arms. “It’s okay, Carrie.”
After she gets passed the initial meeting, and the two of you start dating- which takes a lot of time for her to get used to you. Not because she doesn’t think you seem like a good person, but she’s skeptical, given how people have treated her in the past- plus she’s still dealing with the after effects from all the religious abuse with her mother :(
She starts associating you (and your wings) as almost...protection!
Her favorite thing is to have your wings wrapped around her as she sleeps. She feels safe in them.
Billy Loomis + Stu Macher
Y’all meet at a Halloween party.
It’s Billy & Stu’s favorite holiday, and they always go all out for it! With the costumes, the decorations, etc- maybe even a bit of hidden bloody fun for just the two of them.
You’ve always kept your wings well hidden- folded against your back, underneath big coats. But tonight? Ohh, tonight! You’re able to have them out, allowing them a good stretch. When people ask, you can pass it off as just crazy good mechanisms.
And well, the boys see your “costume”, and they get wicked excited about it! They’ve never seen someone with a costume like this before- it’s so realistic! And the fact you chose blood red, over the standard angelic white? Very impressed by your talent and ideas.
They start asking all these questions about it, cause it’s like, legitimately one of the coolest costume they’ve ever seen. How can you not think giant wings- that move- aren’t cool??
But then like Stu excitedly asks if it would be okay to touch it- and you get oddly quiet after that one. “Well, they’re fragile, y’know?”
Stu pouts, “I can be careful.”
You give him a skeptical look, “I mean- just be careful, like you said.”
“Woah, they feel so real!” Oh, if he only knew. “Billy, ya gotta check this out!” He says, nearly shouting, as he nudges his shorter friend.
Billy rolls his eyes, but gives you a look to see if it’s alright. You simply nod, smiling at him- feeling more at ease. As Billy’s admiring them, and finally leans in to touch them- another guest at the party harshly bumps into you. The force of it accidentally knocking their drink out of their hands, drenching your shirt.
“Aw shit,” you mumble to yourself. “I’m sorry, I’ll have to leave for the night.”
Stu frowns, not liking the idea of you leaving quite yet. He’d been enjoying your company quite a lot, and he’s certain that Billy did too (even if it didn’t seem like it). “You can borrow one of my shirts,” he all but blurts out.
You can’t help but laugh at his offer, “Are you sure?” Stu eagerly nods.
You’re in Stu’s bedroom changing, and you’re about to slip on his sweater, when the door is knocked open (not on purpose, of course). “Dude!”
They quickly apologize, but then take notice of your wings- exposed as what they truly were. They stare in awe and bewilderment. You’re still freaked out, and yet still try joking your way out of the situation. “Just, really good prosthetics?”
It takes a bit of explanation on your part, but the boys accept you for what you are pretty quickly. As strange as this all might be. Stu will have a lot of questions for you, and Billy’s somewhat unsure of it for a while.
Established Relationship Fun:
Okay, okay!! Soft idea!! When cuddling, sometimes you’ll wrap your giant wings around the three of you. so warm and cuddly.
when watching horror movies together, Billy’s always intensely focused on the screen(almost scarily so- but then again this is one of the faces behind Ghostface we’re talking about so...not too surprising), to the blood and carnage. But he always finds his hand idly playing with your feathers, even if you have them closed behind you. He’d never admit it, but he finds them comforting and extremely calming. He can just forget about all his little problems, and just stroke your feathers (plus, you enjoy it when he does that!! And he likes that it makes you feel good!!)
Norman Bates
You’d be really nervous at first to tell him, because early on in your friendship/relationship, he introduced you to his hobby- taxidermy. And it kind of scared you seeing your feathered friends in such a state. But...Norman would never harm you.
(Now...his mother on the other hand? Would be more than willing to discard this freak of nature)
(Norman won’t let that happen to you though- he promises)
Norman is such an absolute darling. He couldn’t judge a single soul for who or what they are- and yes, that does go for your winged-body, too.
He’d be extremely surprised and intrigued though- he’d be all blushy and happy though that you felt safe enough to tell him!
He finds your wings just absolutely gorgeous though.
He’ll often get sorta shy about handling your wings at all. But he’s very careful with them.
And if you get hurt, he’ll be more than glad to help you patch up (while also being upset you got hurt :( ) - since you can’t really,, go to hospitals at all. Who knows what the general public would do if they found out something like you existed.
On that note- Norman will always be there to help cheer you up when you feel bad about having them. Like, it’s gotta be strange being the only being with wings surrounded by humans- and only humans. Norman’s very good at cheering you up though! He’s very soft and sweet about it. One of the few times he’ll touch your wings. He treats them delicately, as if they’ll break upon his touch if he’s not careful enough. Presses gentle kisses to them, and reminding you how much he loves you.
Michael Myers
You meet Michael during one of his hunts.
You never bring out your wings, unless you absolutely have to.
He’s surprised and a bit confused when he sees you, standing in the streets, giant red wings splayed out. The street lights reflecting your wings into pools of red on the ground. He watches intently, as you push yourself into the air with a loud whoosh. He nearly startles.
But besides this initial reaction, he’s fairly indifferent.
Michael knows no human should have wings like that, or even wings at all. And part of him is curious to know more, so the next time he sees you, he doesn’t try to attack you.
The Fun Stuff??
Michael would definitely be a little rougher with your wings than some of the other slashers.
Mostly because a part of him recognizes you’re not entirely human, so he equates that to you’ll be able to handle more.
He’s still pretty careful though- because he would never want to hurt his S/O.
Michael enjoys killing alone, and he sure doesn’t need protection- but sometimes, when you convince Michael to bring you along, he finds he doesn’t actually mind your presence there. He kind of enjoys it. And, again, he doesn’t need your protection- but you can’t help to be worried about him, okay? You’ll use your wings as a shield when his victims try fighting back. If you get hurt a bit? Then I guess Michael will just have to help you patch up afterwards.
The Lost Boys
Aww, they are so hyped about it!
Most of the other creatures they interact with are human, so it’s so cool to them when they find out you’re a fellow supernatural being! They’re not,,, entirely sure what you are (neither are you, tbh), but that’s okay.
They get to fly around with you, which they wouldn’t be able to do with you if their S/O was a human or some flightless supernatural being.
Paul would love playing with your wings!
I mean, they all do to some extent. But Paul will play with them whenever. Even if you’re out in public. Like,, if anyone sees your wings they have ways of dealing with that, y’know?
Y’all sleep in the same bed together- kind of just like,, a constant cuddle pile lol. And you don’t always do this, but when the boys are feeling especially in the mood for it (like,, maybe they’ve had a long night, or they just really need to be as close to you as they can) and you’ll just outstretch your wings, covering the four of them. The soft, familiarity of your feathers calming even the rowdiest of the bunch
They accidentally stay out too late, and you’ll use your wings to help shade them from the sun, as you make your way back to the cave.
#slashers x reader#slasher#slashers#slashers x s/o#the lost boys x reader#the lost boys#psycho#norman bates#norman bates x reader#norman bates x s/o#michael myers x reader#michael myers x s/o#poly ghostface x reader#poly!ghostface x reader#ghostface x s/o#ghostface x reader#billy loomis x reader#billy loomis#stu macher#stu macher x reader#billy loomis x reader x stu macher#billy loomis x s/o#stu macher x s/o#carrie white x reader#carrie#carrie white x s/o#reblogs are appreciated !!#requests are OPEN
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a twenty-five thousand word post about a twenty-three year old “debate”
As time goes on, I’m baffled that it remains a commonly held opinion that:
The LTD remains unresolved
SE is deliberately playing coy, and are (or have been) afraid to resolve it.
To me, the answer is as clear as day, and yet seeing so many people acting as if it’s a question that remains unanswered makes me wonder if I’m the crazy one.
So I am going to try to articulate my thought process here, not because I expect to change any hearts and minds, but more to get these thoughts out of my head and onto a page so I can finally read a book and/or watch reruns of Shark Tank in peace.
To start off, there are two categories of argument (that are among, if not the most widely used lines of argument) that I will try NOT to engage with:
1) Quotes from Ultimania or developer interviews - while they’re great for easter eggs and behind-the-scenes info, if a guidebook is required to understand key plot points, you have fundamentally failed as a storyteller. Now the question of which character wants to bone whom is often something that can be relegated to a guidebook, but in the case of FF7, you would be watching two very different stories play out depending on who Cloud ends up with.
Of course, the Ultimanias do spell this out clearly, but luckily for us, SE are competent enough storytellers that we can find the answer by looking at the text alone.
2) Arguments about character actions/motivations — specifically, I’m talking about stuff like “Cloud made this face in this scene, which means be must be [insert whatever here].”
Especially when it comes to the LTD, these tend to focus on individual actions, decontextualizing them from their role in the narrative as a whole. LTDers often try to put themselves in the character’s shoes to suss out what they may be thinking and feeling in those moments. These arguments will be colored by personal experiences, which will inevitably vary.
Let’s take for example Cloud’s behavior in Advent Children. One may argue that it makes total sense given that he’s dying and fears failing the ones he loves. Another may argue that there’s no way that he would run unless he was deeply unhappy and pining after a lost love. Well, you’ll probably just be talking over each other until the cows come home. Such is the problem with trying to play armchair therapist with a fictional character. It’s not like we can ask Cloud himself why he did what he did (and even if we could, he’s not the exactly the most reliable narrator in the world). Instead, in trying to understand his motivations, we are left with no choice but to draw comparisons with our own personal experiences, those of our friends, or other works of media we’ve consumed. Any interpretation would be inherently subjective and honestly, a futile subject for debate.
There’s nothing wrong with drawing personal connections with fictional characters of course. That is the purpose of art after all. They are vessels of empathy. But when we’re talking about what is canon, it doesn’t matter what we take away. What matters is the creators’ intent.
Cloud, Tifa and Aerith are not your friends Bob, Alice and Maude. They are characters created by Square Enix. Real people can behave in a variety of different ways if they found themselves in the situations faced by our dear trio; however, FF7 characters are not sentient creatures. Everything they do or say is dictated by the developers to serve the story they are trying to tell.
So what do we have left then? Am I asking you, dear reader, to just trust me, anonymous stranger on the Internet, when I tell you #clotiiscanon. Well, in a sense, yes, but more seriously, I’m going to try to suss out what the creator’s intent is based on what is, and more importantly, what isn’t, on screen.
Instead of putting ourselves in the shoes of the characters, let’s try putting ourselves in the shoes of the creators. So the question would then be, if the intent is X, then what purpose does character Y or scene Z serve?
The story of FF7 isn’t the immutable word of God etched in a stone tablet. For every scene that made it into the final game, there are dozens of alternatives that were tossed aside. Let us also not forget the crude economics of popular storytelling. Spending resources on one particular aspect of the game may mean something entirely unrelated will have to be cut for time. Thus, the absence of a particular character/scenario is an alternative in itself. So with all these options at their disposal, why is the scene we see before us the one that made it into the final cut?
—
Before we dive in, I also want to define two broad categories of narrative: messy and clean.
Messy narratives are ones I would define as stories that try to illuminate something about the human condition, but may not leave the audience feeling very good by the end of it. The protagonists, while not always anti-heroes, don’t always exhibit the kind of growth we’d like, don’t always learn their lessons, probably aren’t the best role models. The endings are often ambivalent, ambiguous, and leaves room for the audience to take away from it what they will. This is the category I would put art films and prestige cable dramas.
Clean narratives are where I would categorize most popular forms of entertainment. Not that these characters necessarily lack nuance, but whatever flaws are portrayed are something to be overcome by the end of story. The protagonists are characters you’re supposed to want to root for
Final Fantasy as a series would fall under the ‘clean’ category. Sure, many of the protagonists start out as jerks, but they grow through these flaws and become true heroes by the end of their journey. Hell, a lot of the time even the villains are redeemed. They want you to like the characters you’re spending a 40+ hr journey with. Their depictions can still be realistic, but they will become the most idealized versions of themselves by the end of their journeys.
This is important to establish, because we can then assume that it is not SE’s intent to make any of their main characters come off pathetic losers or unrepentant assholes. Now whether or not they succeed in that endeavor is another question entirely.
FF7 OG or The dumbest thought experiment in the world
With that one thousand word preamble out of the way, let’s finally take a look at the text. In lieu of going through the OG’s story beat by beat, let’s try this thought experiment:
Imagine it’s 1996, and you’re a development executive at what was then Squaresoft. The plucky, young development team has the first draft of what will become the game we know as Final Fantasy VII. Like the preceding entries in the series, it’s a world-spanning action adventure RPG, with a key subplot being the epic tragic romance between its hero and heroine, Cloud and Aerith.
They ask you for your notes.
(For the sake of your sanity and mine, let’s limit our hypothetical notes to the romantic subplot)
Disc 1 - everything seems to be on the right track. Nice meet-cute, lots of moments developing the relationship between our pair. Creating a love triangle with this Tifa character is an interesting choice, but she’s a comparatively minor character so she probably won’t be a real threat and will find her happiness elsewhere by the end of the game. You may note that they’re leaning a bit too much into Tifa and Cloud’s past. Especially the childhood promise flashback early in the game — cute scene, but a distraction from main story and main pairing — fodder for the chopping block. You may also bump on the fact that Aerith is initially attracted to Cloud because he reminds her of an ex, but this is supposed to be a more mature FF. That can be an obstacle they overcome as Aerith gets to know the real Cloud.
Aerith dies, but it is supposed to be a tragic romance after all. Death doesn’t have to be the end for this relationship, especially since Aerith is an Ancient after all.
It’s when Disc 2 starts that things go off the rails. First off, it feels like an awfully short time for Cloud to be grieving the love of his life, though it’s somewhat understandable. This story is not just a romance. There are other concerns after all, Cloud’s identity crisis for one. Though said identity crisis involves spending a lot of time developing his relationship with another woman. It’s one thing for Cloud and Tifa to be from the same hometown, but does she really need to play such an outsized role in his internal conflict? This might give the player the wrong impression.
You get to the Northern Crater, and it just feels all wrong. Cloud is more or less fine after the love of his life is murdered in front of his eyes but has a complete mental breakdown to the point that he’s temporarily removed as a playable character because Tifa loses faith in him??? Shouldn’t it be the other way around?
Oh, but it only gets worse from here. With Cloud gone, the POV switches to Tifa and her feelings for him and her desire to find him. The opening of the game is also recontextualized when you learn the only reason that Cloud was part of the first Reactor mission that starts the game is because Tifa found him and wanted to keep an eye on him.
Then you get to Mideel and the alarm bells are going off. Tifa drops everything, removing her from the party as well, to take care of Cloud while he’s a catatonic vegetable? Not good. Very not good. This level of selfless devotion is going to make Cloud look like a total asshole when he rejects her in favor of Aerith. Speaking of Aerith, she uh…hasn’t been mentioned for some time. In fact, her relationship with Cloud has remained completely static after Disc 1, practically nonexistent, while his with Tifa has been building and building. Developing a rival relationship that then needs to be dismantled rather than developing the endgame relationship doesn’t feel like a particularly valuable use of time and resources.
By the time you get to the Lifestream scene, you’re about ready to toss the script out of the window. Here’s the emotional climax of the entire game, where Cloud’s internal conflict is finally resolved, and it almost entirely revolves around Tifa? Rather than revisiting the many moments of mental anguish we experienced during the game itself — featuring other characters, including let’s say, Aerith — it’s about a hereto unknown past that only Tifa has access to? Not only that, but we learn that the reason Cloud wanted to join SOLDIER was to impress Tifa, and the reason he adopted his false persona was because he was so ashamed that he couldn’t live up to the person he thought Tifa wanted him to be? Here, we finally get a look into the inner life of one half of our epic couple and…it entirely revolves around another woman??
Cloud is finally his real self, and hey, it looks like he finally remembers Aerith, that’s at least a step in the right direction. Though still not great. With his emotional arc already resolved, any further romantic developments is going to feel extraneous and anticlimactic. It just doesn’t feel like there’s enough time to establish that:
Cloud’s romantic feelings for Tifa (which were strong enough to launch his hero’s journey) have transformed into something entirely platonic in the past few days/weeks
Cloud’s feelings for Aerith that he developed while he was pretending to be someone else (and not just any someone, but Aerith’s ex of all people) are real.
This isn’t a romantic melodrama after all. There’s still a villain to kill and a world to save.
Cloud does speak of Aerith wistfully, and even quite personally at times, yet every time he talks about her, he’s surrounded by the other party members. A scene or two where he can grapple with his feelings for her on his own would help. Her ghost appearing in the Sector 5 Church feels like a great opportunity for this to happen, but he doesn’t interact with it at all. What gives? Missed opportunity after missed opportunity.
The night before the final battle, Cloud asks the entire party to find what they’re fighting for. This feels like a great (and perhaps the last) opportunity to establish that for Cloud, it’s in Aerith’s memory and out of his love for her. He could spend those hours alone in any number of locations associated with her — the Church, the Temple of the Ancients, the Forgotten City.
Instead — none of those happens. Instead, once again, it’s Cloud and Tifa in another scene where they’re the only two characters in the scene. You’re really going to have Cloud spend what could very well be the last night of his life with another woman? With a fade to black that strongly implies they slept together? In one fell swoop, you’re portraying Cloud as a guy who not only betrays the memory of his lost love, but is also incredibly callous towards the feelings of another woman by taking advantage of her vulnerability. Why are we rooting for him to succeed again?
Cloud and the gang finally defeat Sephiroth, and Aerith guides him back into the real world. Is he finally explicitly stating that he’s searching for her (though they’ve really waited until the last minute to do so), but again, why is Tifa in this scene? Shouldn’t it just be Cloud and Aerith alone? Why have Tifa be there at all? Why have her and her alone of all the party members be the one waiting for Cloud? Do you need to have Tifa there to be rejected while Cloud professes his unending love for Aerith? It just feels needlessly cruel and distracts from what should be the sole focus of the scene, the love between Cloud and Aerith.
What a mess.
You finish reading, and since it is probably too late in the development process to just fire everyone, you offer a few suggestions that will clarify the intended romance while the retaining the other plot points/general themes of the game.
Here they are, ordered by scale of change, from minor to drastic:
Option 1 would be to keep most of the story in tact, but rearrange the sequence of events so that the Lifestream sequence happens before Aerith’s death. That way, Cloud is his true self and fully aware of his feelings for both women before Aerith’s death. That way, his past with Tifa isn’t some ticking bomb waiting to go off in the second half of the game. That development will cease at the Lifestream scene. Cloud will realize the affection he held for her as a child is no longer the case. He is grateful for the past they shared, but his future is with Aerith. He makes a clear choice before that future is taken away from him with her death. The rest of the game will go on more or less the same (with the Highwind scene being eliminated, of course) making it clear, that avenging the death of his beloved is one of, if not the, primary motivation for him wanting to defeat Sephiroth.
The problem with this “fix” is that a big part of the reason that Aerith gets killed is because of Cloud’s identity crisis. If said crisis is resolved, the impact of her death will be diminished, because it would feel arbitrary rather than something that stems from the consequences of Cloud’s actions. More of the story will need to be reconceived so that this moment holds the same emotional weight.
Another problem is why the Lifestream scene needs to exist at all. Why spend all that time developing the backstory for a relationship that will be moot by the end of the game? It makes Tifa feel like less of a character and more of a plot device, who becomes irrelevant after she services the protagonist’s character development and then has none of her own. That’s no way to treat one of the main characters of your game.
Option 2 would be to re-imagine Tifa’s character entirely. You can keep some of her history with Cloud in tact, but expand her backstory so she is able to have a satisfactory character arc outside of her relationship with Cloud. You could explore the five years in her life since the Nibelheim incident. Maybe she wasn’t in Midgar the whole time. Maybe, like Barret, she has her own Corel, and maybe reconciling with her past there is the climax of her emotional arc as opposed to her past with Cloud. For Cloud too, her importance needs to be diminished. She can be one of the people who help him find his true self in the Lifestream, but not the only person. There’s no reason the other people he’s met on his journey can’t be there. Thus their relationship remains somewhat important, but their journeys are not so entwined that it distracts from Cloud and Aerith’s romance.
Option 3 would be to really lean into the doomed romance element of Cloud and Aerith’s relationship. Have her death be the cause of his mental breakdown, and have Aerith be the one in the Lifestream who is able to put his mind back together and bring him back to the realm of consciousness. After he emerges, he has the dual goal of defeating Sephiroth and trying to reunite with Aerith. In the end, in order to do the former, he has to relinquish the latter. He makes selfless choice. He makes the choice that resonates the overall theme of the game. It’s a bittersweet but satisfying ending. Cloud chooses to honor her memory and her purpose over the chance to physically bring her back. In this version of the game, the love triangle serves no purpose. There’s no role for Tifa at all.
Okay, we can be done with this strained counterfactual. What I’ve hopefully illustrated is that while developers had countless opportunities to solidify Cloud/Aerith as the canon couple in Discs 2 and 3 of the game, they instead chose a different route each and every time. What should also be clear is that the biggest obstacle standing in their way is not Aerith’s death, but the fact that Tifa exists.
At least in the form she takes in the final game, as a playable character and at the very least, the 3rd most important character in game’s story. She is not just another recurring NPC or an antagonist. Her love for Cloud is not going to be treated like a mere trifle or obstacle. If Cloud/Aerith was supposed to be the endgame ship, there would be no need for a love triangle and no need to include Tifa in the game at all. Death is a big enough obstacle, developing Cloud’s relationship with Tifa would only distract from and diminish his romance with Aerith.
I think this is something the dead enders understand intuitively, even more so than many Cloti shippers. Which is why some of them try to dismiss Tifa’s importance in the story so that she becomes a minor supporting character at best, or denigrate her character to the point that she becomes an actual villain. The Seifer to a Squall, the Seymour to a Tidus, hell even a Quistis to a Rinoa, they know how to deal with, but a Tifa Lockhart? As she is actually depicted in Final Fantasy VII? They have no playbook for that, and thus they desperately try to squeeze her into one of these other roles.
Let’s try another thought experiment, and see what would to other FF romances if we inserted a Tifa Lockhart-esque character in the middle of them.
FFXV is a perfect example because it features the sort of tragic love beyond death romance that certain shippers want Cloud and Aerith to be. Now, did I think FFXV was a good game? No. Did I think Noctis/Luna was a particularly well-developed romance? Also no. Did I have any question in my mind whatsoever that they were the canon relationship? Absolutely not.
Is this because they kiss at the end? Well sure, that helps, but also it’s because the game doesn’t spend the chapters after Luna’s death developing Noctis’ relationship with another woman. If Noctis/Luna had the same sort of development as Cloud/Aerith, then after Luna dies, Iris would suddenly pop in and play a much more prominent role. The game would flashback to her past and her relationship with Noctis. And it would be through his relationship with Iris that Noctis understands his duty to become king or a crystal or whatever the fuck that game was about. Iris is by Noctis’ side through the final battle, and when he ascends the throne in that dreamworld or whatever. There, Luna finally shows up again. Iris is still in the frame when Noctis tells her something like ‘Oh sorry, girl, I’ve been in love with Luna all along,” before he kisses Luna and the game ends.
(a very real scene from a very good game)
Come on. It would be utterly ludicrous and an utter disservice to every character involved, yet that is essentially the argument Cloud/Aerith shippers are making. SE may have made some pretty questionable storytelling decisions in the past, but they aren’t that bad at this.
Or in FFVIII, it would be like reordering the sequence of events so that Squall remembers that he grew up in an orphanage with all the other kids after Rinoa falls into a coma. And while Rinoa is out of commission, instead of Quistis gracefully bowing out after realizing she had mistaken her feelings of sisterly affection for love, it becomes Quistis’ childhood relationship with Squall that allows him to remember his past and re-contextualizes the game we’ve played thus far, so that the player realizes that it was actually Quistis who was his motivation all along. Then after this brief emotional detour, his romance with Rinoa would continue as usual. Absolutely absurd.
The Final Fantasy games certainly have their fair share of plot holes, but they’ve never whiffed on a romance this badly.
A somewhat more serious character analysis of the OG
What then is Tifa’s actual role in the story of FFVII? Her character is intricately connected to Cloud’s. In fact, they practically have the same arc, though Tifa’s is rather understated compared to his. She doesn’t adopt a false persona after all. For both of them, the flaw that they must learn to overcome over the course of the game is their fear of confronting the truth of their past. Or to put it more crudely, if they’re not lying, they’re at the very least omitting the truth. Cloud does so to protect himself from his fear of being exposed as a failure. Tifa does so at the expense of herself, because she fears the truth will do more harm than good. They’re two sides of the same coin. Nonetheless, their lying has serious ramifications.
The past they’re both afraid to confront is of course the Nibelheim Incident from five years ago. Thus, the key points in their emotional journeys coincide with the three conflicting Nibelheim flashbacks depicted in the game: Cloud’s false memory in Kalm, Sephiroth’s false vision in the Northern Crater, and the truth in the Lifestream.
Before they enter the Lifestream, both Cloud and Tifa are at the lowest of their lows. Cloud has had a complete mental breakdown and is functionally a vegetable. Tifa has given up everything to take care of Cloud as she feels responsible for his condition. If he doesn’t recover, she may never find peace.
With nothing left to lose, they both try to face the past head on. For Cloud, it’s a bit harder. At the heart of all this confusion, is of course, the Nibelheim Incident. How does Cloud know all these things he shouldn’t if Tifa doesn’t remember seeing him there? The emotional climax for both Cloud and Tifa, and arguably the game as a whole, is the moment the Shinra grunt removes his helmet to reveal that Cloud was there all along.
Tifa is the only character who can play this role for Cloud. It’s not like she a found a videotape in the Lifestream labeled ‘Nibelheim Incident - REAL’ and voila, Cloud is fixed. No, she is the only one who can help him because she is the only person who lived through that moment. No one else could make Cloud believe it. You could have Aerith or anyone else trying to tell him what actually happened, but why would he believe it anymore than the story Sephiroth told him at the Northern Crater?
With Tifa, it’s different. Not only was she physically there, but she’s putting as much at risk in what the truth may reveal. She’s not just a plot device to facilitate Cloud’s character development. The Lifestream sequence is as much the culmination of her own character arc. If it goes the wrong way, “Cloud” may find out that he’s just a fake after all, and Tifa may learn that boy she thought she’d been on this journey with had died years ago. That there’s no one left from her past, that it was all in her head, that she’s all alone. Avoiding this truth is a comfort, but in this moment, they’re both putting themselves on the line. Being completely vulnerable in front of the person they’re most terrified of being vulnerable with.
The developers have structured Cloud and Tifa’s character arcs so that the crux is a moment where the other is literally the only person who could provide the answer they need. Without each other, as far as the story is concerned, Cloud and Tifa would remain incomplete.
Aerith’s character arc is a different beast entirely. She is the closest we have to the traditional Campbellian Hero. She is the Chosen One, the literal last of her kind, who has been resisting the call to adventure until she can no longer. The touchstones of her character arc are the moments she learns more about her Cetra past and comes to terms with her role in protecting the planet - namely Cosmo Canyon, the Temple of the Ancients and the Forgotten City.
How do hers and Cloud’s arcs intersect? When it comes to the Nibelheim incident, she is a merely a spectator (at least during the Kalm flashback, as for the other two, she is uh…deceased). Cloud attacking her at the Temple of the Ancients, which results in her running to the Forgotten City alone and getting killed by Sephiroth, certainly exacerbates his mental deterioration, but it is by no means a turning point in his arc the way the Northern Crater is.
As for Cloud’s role in Aerith’s arc, their meeting is quite important in that it sets forth the series of events that leads her to getting captured by Shinra and thus meeting “Sephiroth” and wanting to learn more about the Cetra. It’s the inciting incident if we’re going to be really pedantic about it, yet Aerith’s actual character development is not dependent on her relationship with Cloud. It is about her communion with her Cetra Ancestry and the planet.
To put it in other terms, all else being the same, Aerith could still have a satisfying character arc had Cloud not crashed down into her Church. Sure, the game would look pretty different, but there are other ways for her to transform from a flirty, at times frivolous girl to an almost Christ-like figure who accepts the burden of protecting the planet.
Such is not the case for Cloud and Tifa. Their character arcs are built around their shared past and their relationship with one another. Without Tifa, you would have to rewrite Cloud’s character entirely. What was his motivation for joining SOLDIER? How did he get on that AVALANCHE mission in the first place? Who can possibly know him well enough to put his mind back together after it falls apart? If the answer to all these questions is the same person, then congratulations, you’ve just reverse engineered Tifa Lockhart.
Tifa fares a little better. Without Cloud, she would be a sad, sweet character who never gets the opportunity to reconcile with the trauma of her past. Superficially, a lot would be the same, but she would ultimately be quite static and all the less interesting for it.
Let’s also take a brief gander at Tifa’s role after the Lifestream sequence. At this point in the game, both Tifa and Cloud’s emotional arcs are essentially complete. They are now the most idealized versions of themselves, characters the players are meant to admire and aspire to. However they are depicted going forward, it would not be the creator’s intent for their actions to be perceived in a negative light.
A few key moments standout, ones that would not be included if the game was intended to end with any other romantic pairing or with Cloud’s romantic interest left ambiguous:
The Highwind scene, which I’ve gone over above. It doesn’t matter if you get the Low Affection or High Affection version. It would not reflect well on either Cloud or Tifa if he chose to spend what could be his last night alive with a woman whose feelings he did not reciprocate.
Before the final battle with Sephiroth, the party members scream out the reasons they’re fighting. Barret specifically calls out AVALANCHE, Marlene and Dyne, Red XIII specifically calls out his Grandpa, and Tifa specifically calls out Cloud. You are not going to make one of Tifa’s last moments in the game be her pining after a guy who has no interest in her. Not when you could easily have her mention something like her past, her hometown or hell even AVALANCHE and Marlene like Barret. If Tifa’s feelings for Cloud are meant to be unrequited, then it would be a character flaw that would be dealt with long before the final battle (see: Quistis in FF8 or Eowyn in the Lord of the Rings). They would not still be on display at moment like this.
Tifa being the only one there when Cloud jumps into the Lifestream to fight Sephiroth for the last time, and Tifa being the only one there when he emerges. She is very much playing the traditional partner/spouse role here, when you could easily have the entire party present or no one there at all. There is clearly something special about her relationship with Cloud that sets her apart from the other party members.
Once again, let’s look at the “I think I can meet her there moment.” And let’s put side the translation (the Japanese is certainly more ambiguous, and it’s not like the game had any trouble having Cloud call Aerith by her name before this). If Cloud was really expressing his desire to reunite with Aerith, and thus his rejection of Tifa, then the penultimate scene of this game is one that involves the complete utter and humiliation of one of its main characters since Tifa’s reply would indicate she’s inviting herself to a romantic reunion she has no part in. Not only that, but to anyone who is not Cl*rith shipper, the protagonist of the game is going to come off as a callous asshole. That cannot possibly be the creator’s intention. They are competent enough to depict an act of love without drawing attention to the party hurt by that love.
What then could possibly be the meaning? Could it possibly be Cloud trying to comfort Tifa by trying to find a silver lining in what appears to be their impending death? That this means they may get to see their departed loved ones again, including their mutual friend, Aerith? (I will note that Tifa talks about Aerith as much, if not even more than Cloud, after her death). Seems pretty reasonable to me, this being an interpretation of the scene that aligns with the overall themes of the game, and casts every character in positive light during this bittersweet moment.
Luckily enough, we have an entire fucking Compilation to find out which is right.
But before we get there, I’m sure some of you (lol @ me thinking anyone is still reading this) are asking, if Cloti is canon, then why is there a love triangle at all? Why even hint at the possibility of a romance between Cloud and Aerith? Wouldn’t that also be a waste of time and resources if they weren’t meant to be canon?
Well, there are two very important reasons that have nothing to do with romance and everything to do with two of the game’s biggest twists:
Aerith initially being attracted to Cloud’s similarities to Zack/commenting on the uncanniness of said similarities is an organic way to introduce the man Cloud’s pretending to be. Without it, the reveal in the Lifestream would fall a bit flat. The man he’s been emulating all along would just be some sort of generic hero rather than a person whose history and deeds already encountered during the course of the game. Notably for this to work, the game only has to establish Aerith’s attraction to Cloud.
To build the player’s attachment to Aerith before her death/obscure the fact that she’s going to die. With the technological limitations of the day, the only way to get the player to interact with Aerith is through the player character (AKA Cloud), and adding an element of choice (AKA the Gold Saucer Date mechanic) makes the player even more invested. This then elevates Aerith’s relationship with Cloud over hers with any other character. At the same time, because her time in the game is limited, Cloud ends up interacting with Aerith more than any of the other characters, at least in Disc 1. The choice to make many of these interactions flirty/romantic also toys with player expectations. One does not expect the hero’s love interest to die halfway through the game. The game itself also spends a bit of time teasing the romance, albeit, largely in superficial ways like other characters commenting on their relationship or Cait Sith reading their love fortune at the Temple of the Ancients. Yet, despite the quantity of their personal interactions, Cloud and Aerith never display any moments of deep love or devotion that one associates with a Final Fantasy romance. They never have the time. What the game establishes then is the potential of a romance rather than the romance itself. Aerith’s death hurts because of all that lost potential. There so many things she wanted to do, so many places she wanted to see that will never happen because her life is cut short. Part of what is lost, of course, is the potential of her romance with Cloud.
This creative choice is a lot more controversial since it elevates subverting audience expectations over character, and understandably leads to some player confusion. What’s the point of all this set up if there’s not going to be a pay off? Well, that is kind of the point. Death is frustrating because of all the unknowns and what-ifs. But, I suppose some people just can’t accept that fact in a game like this.
One last note on the OG before we move on: Even though this from an Ultimania, since we’re talking about story development and creator intent, I thought it was relevant to include: the fact that Aerith was the sole heroine in early drafts of the game is not the LTD trump card so people think it is. Stories undergo radical changes through the development process. More often than not, there are too many characters, and characters are often combined or removed if their presence feels redundant or confusing.
In this case, the opposite happened. Tifa was added later in the development process as a second heroine. Let’s say that Aerith was the Last Ancient and the protagonist’s sole love interest in this early draft of Final Fantasy VII. In the game that was actually released, that role was split between two characters (and last I checked, Tifa is not the last of a dying race), and Aerith dies halfway through the game, so what does that suggest about how Aerith’s role may have changed in the final product? Again, if Aerith was intended to be Cloud’s love interest, Tifa simply would not exist.
A begrudging analysis of our favorite straight-to-DVD sequel
Let’s move onto the Compilation. And in doing so, completely forget about the word vomit that’s been written above. While it’s quite clear to me now that there’s no way in hell the developers would have intended the last scene in the game to be both a confirmation of Cloud’s love for Aerith and his rejection of Tifa, in my younger and more vulnerable years, I wasn’t so sure. In fact, this was the prevailing interpretation back in the pre-Compilation Dark Ages. Probably because of a dubious English translation of the game and a couple of ambiguous cameos in Final Fantasy Tactics and Kingdom Hearts were all we had to go on.
How then did the official sequel to Final Fantasy VII change those priors?
Two years after the events of the game, Cloud is living as a family with Tifa and two kids rather than scouring the planet for a way to be reunited with Aerith. Shouldn’t the debate be well and over with that? Obviously not, and it’s not just because people were being obstinate. Part of the confusion stems from Advent Children itself, but I would argue that did not come from an intent to play coy/keep Cloud’s romantic desires ambiguous, but rather a failure of execution of his character arc.
Now I wasn’t the biggest fan of the film when I first watched a bootlegged copy I downloaded off LimeWire in 2005, and I like it even less now, but I better understand its failures, given its unique position as a sequel to a beloved game and the cornerstone of launching the Compilation.
The original game didn’t have such constraints on its storytelling. Outside of including a few elements that make it recognizable as a Final Fantasy (Moogles, Chocobos, Summons, etc.) and being a good enough game to be a financial success, the developers pretty much had free rein in terms of what story they wanted to tell, what characters they would use to tell it, and how long it took for them to tell said story.
With Advent Children, telling a good story was not the sole or even primary goal. Instead, it had to:
Do some fanservice: The core audience is going to be the OG fanbase, who would be expecting to see modern, high-def depictions of all the memorable and beloved characters from the game, no matter if the natural end point of their stories is long over.
Set up the rest of the Compilation - Advent Children is the draw with the big stars, but also a way to showcase the lesser known characters from from the Compilation who are going to be leading their own spinoffs. It’s part feature film/part advertisement for the rest of the Compilation. Thus, the Turks, Vincent and Zack get larger roles in the film than one might expect to attract interest to the spinoffs they lead.
Show off its technical prowess: SE probably has enough self awareness to realize that what’s going to set it apart from other animated feature films is not its novel storytelling, but its graphical capabilities. Thus, to really show off those graphics, the film is going to be packed to the brim with big, complicated action scenes with lots of moving parts, as opposed to quieter character driven moments.
These considerations are not unique to Advent Children, but important to note nonetheless:
As a sequel, the stakes have to be just as high if not higher than those in the original work. Since the threat in the OG was the literal end of the world, in Advent Children, the world’s gotta end again
The OG was around 30-40 hours long. An average feature-length film is roughly two hours. Video games and films are two very different mediums. As many TV writers who have tried to make the transition to film (and vice-versa) can tell you, success in one medium does not translate to success in another.
With so much to do in so little time, is it any wonder then that it is again Sephiroth who is the villain trying to destroy the world and Aerith in the Lifestream the deus ex machina who saves the day?
All of this is just a long-winded way to say, certain choices in the Advent Children that may seem to exist only to perpetuate the LTD were made with many other storytelling considerations in mind.
When trying to understand the intended character arcs and relationship dynamics, you cannot treat the film as a collection of scenes devoid of context. You can’t just say - “well here’s a scene where Cloud seems to miss Aerith, and here’s another scene where Cloud and Tifa fight. Obviously, Cloud loves Aerith.” You have to look at what purpose these scenes serve in the grander narrative.
And what is this grander narrative? To put it in simplistic terms, Aerith is the obstacle, and Tifa is goal. Cloud must get over his guilt over Aerith’s death so that he can return to living with Tifa and the children in peace.
The scenes following the prologue are setting up the emotional stakes of film - the problem that will be resolved by the film’s end. The problem being depicted here is not Aerith’s absence from Cloud’s life, but Cloud’s absence from his family. We see Tifa walking through Seventh Heaven saying “he’s not here anymore,” we see Denzel in his sickbed asking for Cloud, we see a framed photo of the four of them on Cloud’s desk. We see Cloud letting Tifa’s call go to voicemail.
What we do not see is Aerith, who does not appear until almost halfway through the film.
Cloud spends the first of the film avoiding confrontation with the Remnants/dealing with the return of Sephiroth. It’s only when Tifa is injured, and Denzel and Marlene get kidnapped that he goes to face his problems head on.
Before the final battle, when Cloud has exorcised his emotional demons and is about to face his physical demons, what do we see? We see Cloud telling Marlene that it’s his turn to take care of her, Denzel and Tifa the way they’ve taken care of him. We see Cloud telling Tifa that he ‘feels lighter’ and tacitly confirming that she was correct when she called him out earlier in the film. We see Cloud confirming to Denzel that he’s going home after this is all over.
What we do not see is Cloud telepathically communicating with Aerith to say, “Hey boo, can’t wait to beat Sephiroth so I can finally reunite with you in the Promised Land. Xoxoxo.” Aerith doesn’t factor in at all. Returning to his family is his goal, and his fight with Bahamut/the Remnants/Sephiroth/whatever the fuck is the final obstacle he has to face before reaching this goal.
This is reiterated again when Cloud is shot by Yazoo and seemingly perishes in an explosion. What is at stake with his “death”? We see Tifa calling his name while looking out the airship. We see Denzel and Marlene waiting for him at Seventh Heaven. We do not see Aerith watching over him in the Lifestream.
Now, Aerith does play an important role in Cloud’s arc when she shows up at about the midpoint of the film. You could fairly argue that it’s the turning point in Cloud’s emotional journey, the moment when he finally decides to confront his problems. But even if it’s only Cloud and Aerith in the scene, it’s not really about their relationship at all.
Let’s consider the context before this scene happens. Denzel and Marlene have been kidnapped by the Remnants; Tifa was nearly killed in a fight with another. This is Cloud at his lowest point. It’s his worst fears come to pass. His guilt over Aerith’s death is directly addressed at this moment in the film because it is not so much about his feelings for Aerith as it is about how Cloud fears the failures of his past (one of the biggest being her death) would continue into the present. If it was just about Aerith, we could have seen Cloud asking for her forgiveness at any other time in the film. It occurs when it does because this when his guilt over Aerith’s death intersects with his actual conflict, his fear that he’ll fail the the ones he loves. She appears when he’s at the Forgotten City where he goes to save the children. The same location where he had failed two year before.
This connection is made explicit when Cloud has flashes of Zack and Aerith’s deaths before he saves Denzel and Tifa from Bahamut. Again, Cloud’s dwelling on the past is directly related to his fears of being unable to protect his present.
Aerith is a feminine figure who is associated with flowers. That combined with the players’ memory of her and her relationship with Cloud in the OG, I can see how their scenes can be construed as romantic, but I really do not think that it is the creators’ intent to portray any romantic longing on Cloud’s part.
If they wanted to suggest that Cloud was still in love with Aerith or even leave his romantic interest ambiguous, there is no way in hell they would have had Cloud living with Tifa and two kids prior to the film’s events. To say nothing of opening the film by showing the pain his absence brings.
A romantic reading of Cloud’s guilt over Aerith’s death would suggest that he entered into a relationship with Tifa and started raising two children with her while still holding a torch for Aerith and hoping for a way to be reunited with her. The implication would be that Tifa is his second choice, and he is settling. Now, is this a dynamic that occurs in real life? Absolutely. Is this something that is often depicted in some films and television? Sure - in fact this very premise is at the core of one my favorite films of the last decade - 45 Years — and spoiler alert — the guy does not come off well in this situation. But once again, Cloud is not a real person, and Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children is not a John Cassavettes film or an Ingmar Bergman chamber drama. It is a 2-hour long straight to DVD sequel for a video game made for teens. This kind of messy, if realistic, relationship dynamic is not what this particular work is trying to explore.
(one of these is a good film!)
By the end of Advent Children, Cloud is once again the idealized version of himself. A hero that the audience is supposed to like and admire. We are supposed to think that his actions in the first half of the movie (wallowing in his guilt and abandoning his family) were bad. These are the flaws that he must overcome through the course of the film, and by the end he does. If he really had been settling and treating his Seventh Heaven family as a second choice prior to the events of the film, that too would obviously be a character flaw that needs to be addressed before the end of the film. It isn’t because this is a dynamic that only exists in certain people’s imaginations.
If the creators wanted to leave the Cloud & Aerith relationship open to a romantic interpretation, they didn’t have to write themselves into such a corner. They wouldn’t have to change the final film much at all, merely adjust the chronology a bit. Instead of Cloud already living as a family with Tifa, Marlene and Denzel prior to the beginning of the film, you would show them on the precipice of becoming a family, but with Cloud being unable to take the final step without getting over his feelings for Aerith first. This would leave space for him to love both women without coming off as an opportunistic jerk.
This is essentially the dynamic with Locke/Rachel/Celes in FFVI. Locke is unable to move on with Celes or anyone else until he finally finds closure with Rachel. It’s a lovely scene that does not diminish his relationships with either woman. He loved Rachel. He will love Celes. What the game does not have him do is enter into a relationship into Celes first and then when the party arrives at the Phoenix Cave, have him suddenly remember ‘Oh shit, I’ve gotta deal with my baggage with Rachel before I can really move on.’ That would not paint him in a particularly positive light.
Speaking of other Final Fantasies, let’s take a look another sequel in the series set two years after the events of the original work, one that is clearly the story of its protagonist searching for their lost love. And guess what? Final Fantasy X-2 does not begin with Yuna shacked up and raising two kids with another dude. And it certainly doesn’t begin with his perspective of the whole situation when Yuna decides to search for Tidus.
Square Enix knows how to write these kind of stories when they want to, and it’s clearly not their intent for Cloud and Aerith. Again, the biggest obstacle in the way of a Cloud/Aerith endgame isn’t space and time or death, it’s the existence of Tifa Lockhart.
A reasonable question to ask would be, if SE is not trying to ignite debate over the love triangle, why make Cloud’s relationship with Aerith a part of Advent Children at all? Why invite that sort of confusion? Well, the answer here, like the answer in the OG, is that Aerith’s role in the sequel is much more than her relationship with Cloud.
In the OG, it wasn’t Cloud and the gang who managed to stop Sephiroth and Meteor in the end, it was Aerith from the Lifestream. In a two-hour long film, you do not have the time to set up a completely new villain who can believably end the world, and since you pretty much have to include Sephiroth, the main antagonist can really only be him. No one else in the party has been established to have any magical Cetra powers, and again, since that’s not something that can be effectively established in a two-hour long film, and since Aerith needs to appear somehow, it again needs to be her who will save the day.
Given the time constraints, this external conflict has to be connected with Cloud’s internal conflict. In the OG, Cloud’s emotional arc is in resolved in the Lifestream, and then we spend a few more hours hunting down the Huge Materia/remembering what Holy is before resolving the external conflict of stopping Meteor. In Advent Children, we do not have that luxury of time. These turning points have to be one and same. It is only after Aerith is “introduced” in the film when Cloud asks her for forgiveness that she is able to help in the fight against the Remnants. Thus the turning point for Cloud’s character arc and the external conflict are the same. It’s understandably economical storytelling, though I wouldn’t call it particularly good storytelling.
As much as Cloud feels guilt over both Zack and Aerith’s deaths, it’s only Aerith who can play this dual role in the film. Zack can appear to help resolve Cloud’s emotional arc, but since he has no special Cetra powers or anything, there’s little he can do to help in Cloud’s fight against the Remnants. More time would need to be spent contriving a reason why Cloud is able to defeat the Remnants now when he wasn’t before or explaining why Aerith can suddenly help from the Lifestream when she had been absent before. (I still don’t think the film does a particularly good job of explaining this part, but that is a conversation for another time).
Another reason why Zack could not play this role is because at the time of AC’s original release, all we knew of Cloud and Zack’s relationship was contained in an optional flashback at the Shinra mansion after Cloud returns from the Lifestream. If it was Zack who suddenly showed up at Cloud’s lowest point, most viewers, even many who played the original game, would probably have been confused, and the moment would have fallen flat. On the other hand, even the most casual fan would have been aware of Aerith and her connection to Cloud, with her death scene being among the most well-known gaming moments of all time. Moreover, Aerith’s death is directly connected to Sephiroth, who is once again the threat in AC, whereas Zack was killed by Shinra goons. Aerith serves multiple purposes in a way that Zack just cannot.
Despite all this, though Aerith is more important to the film as a whole, many efforts are made to suggest that Zack and Aerith are equally important to Cloud. One of the first scenes in the film is Cloud moping around Zack’s grave (And unlike the scene with Aerith in the Forgotten City, it isn’t directly connected with Cloud’s present storyline in any way). We have the aforementioned scene where Cloud has flashes of both Aerith’s and Zack’s deaths when he saves Tifa and Denzel. Cloud has a scene where he’s standing back to back with Zack, mirroring his scene with in the Forgotten City with Aerith, before the climax of his fight with Sephiroth. In the Lifestream, after Cloud “dies,” it’s both Aerith and Zack who are there to send him back. Before the film ends, Cloud sees both Aerith and Zack leaving the church.
Now, were all these Zack appearances a way to promote the upcoming spin-off game that he’s going to lead? Of course. But the creators surely would have known that having Zack play such a similar role in Cloud’s arc would make Cloud’s relationship with Aerith feel less special and thus complicating a romantic interpretation of said relationship. If they wanted to encourage a romantic reading of Cloud’s lingering feelings for Aerith, they would have given Zack his own distinct role in the film. Or rather, they wouldn’t have put Zack in the film at all, and they certainly wouldn’t have him lead his own game, but we’ll get to the Zack of it all later.
The funny thing is, in a way, Zack is portrayed as being more special to Cloud. Zack only exists in the film to interact with Cloud and encourage him. Meanwhile. Aerith also has brief interactions with Kadaj, the Geostigma children and even Tifa before the film’s end. Aerith is there to save the whole world. Zack is there just for Cloud. If it’s Cloud’s relationship with Aerith that’s meant to be romantic, shouldn’t it be the other way around?
Let’s take a look at Tifa Lockhart. What role did she have to play in the FF7 sequel film? If, like some, you believed FF7 to be the Cloud/Aerith/Sephiroth show, then Tifa could have easily had a Barret-sized cameo in Advent Children. And honestly, she’s just a great martial artist. She has no special powers that would make her indispensable in a fight against Sephiroth. You certainly would not expect her to be the 2nd billed character in the film. Though of course, if you actually played through the Original Game with your eyes open, you would realize that Tifa Lockhart is instrumental to any story about Cloud Strife.
Unlike Aerith’s appearances, almost none of the suggestive scenes and dynamics between Cloud and Tifa had to be included in the film. As in, they serve no other plot related purpose and could have easily been cut from the final film if the creators weren’t trying to encourage a romantic interpretation of their relationship.
It feels inevitable now, but no one was expecting Cloud and Tifa to be living together and raising two kids. In the general consciousness, FF7 is Cloud and Sephiroth and their big swords and Aerith’s death. At the time, in the eyes of most fans and casual observers, Cloud and Tifa being together wasn’t a necessary part of the FF7 equation the way say, an epic fight between Cloud and Sephiroth would be. In fact, I don’t think even the biggest Cloti fans at the time would have imagined Cloud and Tifa living together would be their canon outcome in the sequel film.
Now can two platonic friends live together and raise two children together? Absolutely, but again Cloud and Tifa are not real people. They are fictional characters. A reasonable person (let’s use the legal definition of the term) who does not have brainworms from arguing over one of the dumbest debates on the Internet for 23 years would probably assume that two characters who were shown to be attracted to each other in the OG and who are now living together and raising two kids are in a romantic relationship. This is a reasonable assumption to make, and if SE wanted to leave Cloud’s romantic inclinations ambiguous, they simply would not be depicting Cloud and Tifa’s relationship in this manner. Cloud’s disrupted peace could have been a number of different things. He could have been a wandering mercenary, he could have been searching for a way to be reunited with Aerith. It didn’t have to be the family he formed with Tifa, but, then again, if you were actually paying attention to the story the OG was trying to tell, of course he would be living with Tifa.
Let’s also look at the scene where Cloud finds Tifa in the church after her fight with Loz. All the plot related information (who attacked her, Marlene being taken) is conveyed in the brief conversation they have before Cloud falls unconscious from Geostigma. What purpose do all the lingering shots of Cloud and Tifa in the flower bed in a Yin-Yang/non-sexual 69ing position serve if not to be suggestive of the type of relationship they have? It’s beautifully rendered but ultimately irrelevant to both the external and internal conflicts of the film.
Likewise, there is no reason why Cloud and Tifa needed to wake up in their children’s bedroom. No reason to show Cloud waking up with Tifa next to him in a way that almost makes you think they were in the same bed. And there is absolutely no reason whatsoever for a close-up of Tifa’s hand with the Wolf Ring on her ring finger while she is admonishing Cloud during what sounds like a domestic argument (This ring again comes into focus when Tifa leads Denzel to Cloud at the church at the end - there are dozens of ways this scene could have been rendered, but this is the one that was chosen.) If it wasn’t SE’s intent to emphasize the family dynamic and the intimate nature of Cloud and Tifa’s relationship, these scenes would not exist.
Let’s also take a look at Denzel, the only new character in the AC (give or take the Remnants). Again, given the film’s brief runtime, the fact that they’re not only adding a new character but giving him more screen time than almost every other AVALANCHE member must mean that he’s pretty important. While Denzel does have an arc of his own, especially in ACC, he is intricately connected to Cloud and Tifa and solidifies the family unit that they’ve been forming in Edge. Marlene still has Barret, but with the addition of Denzel, the family becomes something more real albeit even more tenuous given his Geostigma diagnosis. Without Denzel in the picture, it’s a bit easier to interpret Cloud’s distance from Tifa as romantic pining for another woman, but now it just seems absurd. The stakes are so much higher. Cloud and Tifa are at a completely different stage in their lives from the versions of these characters we met early on in the OG who were entangled in a frivolous love triangle. And yet some people are still stuck trying to fit these characters into a childish dynamic that died at the end of disc one along with a certain someone.
All this is there in the film, at least the director’s cut, if you really squint. But since SE preferred to spend its time on countless action sequences that have aged as well as whole milk in lieu of spending a few minutes showing Cloud’s family life before he got Geostigma to establish the emotional stakes, or a beat or two more on his reconciliation with Tifa and the kids, people may be understandably confused about Cloud’s arc. Has Cloud just been a moping around in misery for the two years post-OG? The answer is no, though that can only really be found in the accompanying novellas, specifically Case of Tifa.
Concerning the novellas, which we apparently must read to understand said DVD sequel
I really don’t know how you can read through CoT and still think there is anything ambiguous about the nature of Cloud and Tifa’s relationship. The “Because I have you this time,” Cloud telling Tifa he’ll remind her how to be strong when they’re alone, Cloud confidently agreeing when Marlene adds him to their family. Not to mention Barret and Cid’s brief conversation about Cloud and Tifa’s relationship in Case of Barret, after which Cid comments that “women wear the pants,” which Barret then follows by asking Cid about Shera. Again, a reasonable person would assume the couple in question are in a romantic relationship, and if this wasn’t the intent, these lines would not be present. Especially not in a novella about someone else.
Some try to argue that CoT just shows how incompatible Cloud and Tifa are because it features a few low points in their relationship. I don’t think that’s Nojima’s intent. Even if it was, it certainly wouldn’t be to prove that Cloud loves Aerith. This isn’t how you tell that story. Why waste all that time disproving a negative rather than proving a positive? We didn’t spend hours in FF8 watching Rinoa’s relationship with Seifer fall apart to understand how much better off she is with Squall. If Cloud and Aerith is meant to be a love story, then tell their love story. Why tell the story of how Cloud is incompatible with someone else?
Part of the confusion may be because CoT doesn’t tell a complete story in and of itself. The first half of the story (before Cloud has to deliver flowers to the Forgotten City) acts as a sort of epilogue to the OG, while the second half of the story is something of a prologue to Advent Children (or honestly its missing Act One). And to state the obvious, conflict is inherent to any story worth telling. It can’t just be all fluff, that’s what the fanfiction is for.
Tifa’s conflict is her fear that the fragile little family they’ve built in Edge is going to fall apart. Thus we see her fret about Cloud’s distance, the way this affects Marlene, and Denzel’s sickness. There are certainly some low moments here --- Tifa telling Cloud to drink in his room, asking if he loves her -- all ways for the threat to seem more real, the outcome more uncertain, yet there’s only one way this conflict can be resolved. One direction to which their relationship can move.
Again, by the end of this story, both characters are supposed to be the best versions of themselves, to find their “happy” endings so to speak. Tifa could certainly find happiness outside of a relationship with Cloud. She could decide that they’ve given it a shot, but they’re better off as friends. She’s grateful for this experience and she’s learned from this, but now she’s ready to make a life for herself on her own. It would be a fine character arc, though not something the Final Fantasy series has been wont to do. However, that’s obviously not the case here as there’s no indication whatsoever that Tifa considers this as an option for herself. Nojima hasn’t written this off ramp into her journey. For Tifa, they’ll either become a real family or they won’t. Since this is a story that is going to have a happy ending, so of course they will, even if there are a lot of bumps along the way.
Unfortunately, with the Compilation being the unwieldy beast that this is, this whole arc has to be pieced together across a number of different works:
Tifa asking herself if they’re a real family in CoT
Her greatest fear seemingly come to life when Cloud leaves at the end of CoT/beginning of AC
Tifa explicitly asking Cloud if the reason they can’t help each other is because they’re not a real family during their argument in AC. Notably, even though Cloud is at his lowest point, he doesn’t confirm her fear. Instead he says he that he can’t help anyone, not even his family. Instead, he indirectly confirms that yes he does think they’re a family, even if is a frustrating moment still in that he’s too scared to try to save it.
The ending of AC where we see a new photo of Cloud smiling surrounded by Tifa and the kids and the rest of the AVALANCHE, next to the earlier photo we had seen of the four of them where he was wearing a more dour expression.
The ending of The Kids Are All Right, where Cloud, Tifa, Denzel and Marlene meet with Evan, Kyrie and Vits - and Cloud offers, unsolicited, that even if they’re not related by blood, they’re a family.
The ending of DVD extra ‘Reminiscence of FFVII’ where Cloud takes the day off and asks Tifa to close the bar so they can spend time together as a family as Tifa had wanted to do early in CoT
Cloud fears he’ll fail his family. Tifa fears it’ll fall apart. Cloud retreats into himself, pushing others away. Tifa neglects herself, not being able to say what she needs to say. In Advent Children, Tifa finally voices her frustrations. It’s then that Cloud finally confronts his fears. Like in the OG, Cloud and Tifa’s conflicts and character arcs are two sides of the same coin, and it’s only by communicating with each other are they able to resolve it. Though with the Compilation being an inferior work, it’s much less satisfying this time around. Such is the problem when you’re writing towards a preordained outcome (Cloud and Sephiroth duking it once again) rather than letting the story develop organically.
Some may ask, why mention Aerith so much (Cloud growing distant after delivering flowers to the Forgotten City, Cloud finding Denzel at Aerith’s church) if they weren’t trying to perpetuate the LTD? Well, as explained above, Aerith had to be in Advent Children, and since CoT is the only place where we get any insight into Cloud’s psyche, it’s here where Nojima expands on that guilt.
Again, this is a story that requires conflict, and what better conflict than the specter of a love rival? Notably, despite us having access to Tifa’s thoughts and fears, she never explicitly associates Cloud’s behavior with him pining after Aerith. Though it’s fair to say this fear is implied, if unwarranted.
If Cloud had actually been pining after Aerith this whole time, we would not be seeing it all unfold through Tifa’s perspective. You can depict a romance without drawing attention to the injured third party. We’re seeing all of this from Tifa’s POV, because it’s about Tifa’s insecurities, not the great tragic romance between Cloud and Aerith. Honestly, another reason we see this from Tifa’s perspective is because it’s dramatically more interesting. Because she’s insecure, she (and we the reader) wonder if there’s something else going on. Meanwhile, from Cloud’s perspective it would be straightforward and redundant, given what we see in AC. He’s guilty over Aerith’s death and thinks he doesn’t deserve to be happy.
Not to mention, the first time we encounter Aerith in CoT, Tifa is the one breaking down at her grave while Cloud is the one comforting her. Are we supposed to believe that he just forgot he was in love with Aerith until he had to deliver flowers to the Forgotten City?
And Aerith doesn’t just serve as a romantic obstacle. She’s also a symbol of guilt and redemption for both Cloud and Tifa. Neither think they have the right to be happy after all that’s happened (Aerith’s death being a big part of this), and through Denzel, who Cloud finds at Aerith’s church, they both see a chance to atone.
I do want to address Case of Lifestream: White because it’s only time in the entire Compilation where I’ve asked myself — what are they trying to achieve here? Now, I’d rather drink bleach than start debating the translation of ‘koibito’ again, but I did think it was a strange choice to specify the romantic nature of Aerith’s love for Cloud. I suppose it could be a reference her obvious attraction to Cloud in the OG, though calling it love feels like a stretch.
But nothing else in CoLW really gives me pause. It might be a bit jarring to see how much of it is Aerith’s thoughts of Cloud, but it makes sense when you consider the context in which it’s meant to be consumed. Unlike Case of Tifa or Case of Denzel, CoLW isn’t meant to be read on its own. It’s a few scant paragraphs in direct conversation with Case of Lifestream: Black. In CoLB, Sephiroth talks about his plan to return and end the world or whatever, and how Cloud is instrumental to his plan. Each segment of CoLW mirrors the corresponding segment of CoLB. Thus, CoLW has to be about Aerith’s plan to stop Sephiroth and the role Cloud must play in that. In both of these stories, Cloud is the only named character. It doesn’t mean that thoughts of Cloud consume all of Aerith’s afterlife. Case of Lifestream is only a tiny sliver of the story, a halfassed way to explain why in Advent Children the world is ending again and why Cloud has to be at the center of it all.
Notably, there is absolutely nothing in CoLW about Cloud’s feelings for Aerith. Even if it’s just speculation on her part as we see Sephiroth speculate about Cloud’s reactions in CoLB. Aerith can see what’s going on in the real world, but she says nothing about Cloud’s actions. If Cloud is really pining after her, trying to find a way to be reunited with her, wouldn’t this be the ideal story to show such devotion?
But it’s not there, because not only does it not happen, but because this story is not about Aerith’s relationship with Cloud. It is about how Aerith needs to see and warn Cloud in order to stop Sephiroth. By the end of Advent Children, that goal is fulfilled. Cloud gets his forgiveness. Aerith gets to see him again and helps him stop Sephiroth. There’s no suggestion that either party wants more. We finally have the closure that the OG lacked, and at no point does it confirm that Cloud reciprocated Aerith’s romantic feelings, even though there were plenty of opportunities to do so.
I don’t really know what else people were expecting. Advent Children isn’t a romantic drama. There’s not going to be a moment where Cloud explicitly tells Tifa, ‘I’ve never loved Aerith. It’s only been you all along.” This is just simply not the kind of story it is.
Though one late scene practically serves this function. When Cloud “dies” and Aerith finds him in the Lifestream, if there were any lingering romantic feelings between the two of them, this would be a beautiful bittersweet reunion. Maybe something about how as much as they want to be together, it’s not his time yet. Instead, it’s almost played off as a joke. Cloud calls her ‘Mother’, and Zack is at Aerith’s side, joking about how Cloud has no place there. This would be the perfect opportunity to address the romantic connection between Cloud and Aerith, but instead, the film elides this completely. Instead, it’s a cute afterlife moment between Aerith and Zack, and functionally allows Cloud to go back to where he belongs, to Tifa and the kids. Whatever Cloud’s feelings for Aerith were before, it’s transformed into something else.
Crisis Core -- or how Aerith finally gets her love story
The other relevant part of the Compilation is Crisis Core, which I will now touch on briefly (or at least brief for me). In the OG, Zack Fair was more plot device than character. We knew he was important to Cloud — enough that Cloud would mistake Zack’s memories for his own -- we knew he was important to Aerith — enough that she is initially drawn to Cloud due to his similarities to Zack — yet the nature of these relationships is more ambiguous. Especially his relationship with Aerith. From the little we learn of their relationship, it could have been completely one-sided on her part, and Zack a total cad. At least that’s the implication she leaves us with in Gongaga. We get the sense that she might not be the most reliable narrator on this point (why bring up an ex so often, unsolicited, if it wasn’t anything serious?) but the OG never confirms this either way.
Crisis Core clears this up completely. Not only is Zack portrayed as the Capital H Hero of his own game, but his relationships with Cloud and Aerith are two of the most important in the game. In fact, they are the basis for his heroic sacrifice at the game’s end: he dies trying to save Cloud’s life; he dies trying to return to Aerith.
Zack’s relationship with Aerith is a major subplot of the game. Not only that, but the details of said relationship completely recontextualizes what we know about the Aerith we see in the OG. Many of Aerith’s most iconic traits (wearing pink, selling flowers) are a direct product of this relationship, and more importantly, so many of the hallmarks of her early relationship with Cloud (him falling through her church, one date as a reward, a conversation in the playground) are a direct echo of her relationship with Zack.
A casual fling this was not. Aerith’s relationship with Zack made a deep impact on the character we see in the OG and clearly colored her interactions with Cloud throughout.
Crisis Core is telling Zack’s story, and Tifa is a fairly minor supporting character, yet it still finds the time to expand upon Cloud and Tifa’s relationship. Through their interactions with Zack, we learn just how much they were on each others’ minds during this time, and how they were both too shy to own up to these feelings. We also get a brief expansion on the moment Cloud finds Tifa injured in the reactor.
Meanwhile, given the point we are in the story’s chronology, Cloud and Aerith are completely oblivious of each other’s existence.
One may try to argue that none of this matters since all of this is in the past. While this argument might hold water if we arguing about real lives in the real world, FF7 is a work of fiction. Its creators decided that these would be events we would see, and that Zack would be the lens through which we’d see them. Crisis Core is not the totality of these characters’ lives prior to the event of the OG. Rather, it consists of moments that enhance and expand upon our understanding of the original work. We learn the full extent of Hojo’s experimentation and the Jenova project; we learn that Sephiroth was actually a fairly normal guy before he was driven insane when he uncovers the circumstances of his birth. We learn that Aerith was a completely different person before she met Zack, and their relationship had a profound impact on her character.
A prequel is not made to contradict the original work, but what it can do is recontexualize the story we already know and add a layer of nuance that may have not been obvious before. Thus, Sephiroth is transformed from a scary villain into a tragic figure who could have been a hero were it not for Hojo’s experiments. Aerith’s behavior too invites reinterpretation. What once seemed flirty and perhaps overtly forward now looks like the tragic attempts of a woman trying to recapture a lost love.
If Cloud and Aerith were meant to be the official couple of the Compilation of FF7, you absolutely would not be spending so much time depicting two relationships that will be moot by the time we get to the original work. You especially would not depict Zack and Aerith’s relationship in a way that makes Aerith’s relationship with Cloud look like a copy of the moments she had with her ex.
Additionally, with Zack’s relationship with Angeal, we can see, that within the universe of FF7, a protagonist being devastated over the death of a beloved comrade isn’t something that’s inherently romantic. Neither is it romantic for said dead comrade to lend a helping hand from the beyond.
SE would also expect some people to play Crisis Core before the OG. If Cloud and Aerith are the intended endgame couple, then SE would be asking the player to root for a guy to pursue the girlfriend of the man who gave his life for him. The same man who died trying to reunite with her. This is to say nothing of Cloud’s treatment of Tifa in this scenario. How could this possibly be the intent for their most popular protagonist in the most popular entry of their most popular franchise?
What Crisis Core instead offers is something for fans of Aerith who may be disappointed that she was robbed of a great romance by her death. Well, she now gets that epic, tragic romance. Only it’s with Zack, not Cloud.
If SE intended for Cloud and Aerith to be the official couple of FF7, neither Zack nor Tifa would exist. They would not spend so much time developing Zack and Tifa into the multi-dimensional characters they are, only to be treated as nothing more than collateral damage in the wake of Cloud and Aerith’s great love. No, this is a Final Fantasy. SE want their main characters to have something of a happy ending after all of the tribulations they face. Cloud and Tifa find theirs in life. Zack and Aerith, as the ending of AC suggests, find theirs in death.
Cloud and Aerith’s relationship isn’t a threat to the Zack/Aerith and Cloud/Tifa endgame, nor is it a mere obstacle. Rather, it’s a relationship that actually deepens and strengthens the other two. Aerith is explicitly searching for her first love in Cloud, revealing just how deep her feelings for Zack ran. Cloud gets to live out his heroic SOLDIER fantasy with Aerith, a fantasy he created just to impress Tifa.
There are moments between Cloud and Aerith that may seem romantic when taken on its own, but viewed within the context of the whole narrative, ultimately reveal that they aren’t quite right for each other, and in each other, they’re actually searching for someone else.
This quadrangular dynamic reminds me a bit of one of my favorite classic films, The Philadelphia Story. (Spoilers for a film that came out in 1940 ahead) — The single most romantic scene in the film is between Jimmy Stewart’s and Katherine Hepburn’s characters, yet they’re not the ones who end up together. Even as their passions run, as the music swells, and we want them to end up together, we realize that they’re not quite right for each other. We know that it won’t work out.
More relevantly, we know this is true due to the existence of Cary Grant’s and Ruth Hussey’s characters, who are shown to carry a torch for Hepburn and Stewart, respectively. Grant and Hussey are well-developed and sympathetic characters. With the film being the top grossing film of the year, and made during the Code era, it’s about as “clean” of a narrative as you can get. There’s no way Grant and Hussey would be given such prominent roles just to be left heartbroken and in the cold by the film’s end.
Hepburn’s character (Tracy) pretty much sums it herself after some hijinks lead to a last minute proposal from Stewart’s character (Mike):
Mike: Will you marry me, Tracy?
Tracy: No, Mike. Thanks, but hmm-mm. Nope.
Mike: l've never asked a girl to marry me. l've avoided it. But you've got me all confused now. Why not?
Tracy: Because l don't think Liz [Hussey’s character] would like it...and l'm not sure you would...and l'm even a little doubtful about myself. But l am beholden to you, Mike. l'm most beholden.
Despite the fact that the film spends more time developing Hepburn and Stewart’s relationship than theirs with their endgame partners, it’s still such a satisfying ending. That’s because, even at the peak of their romance, we can see how Stewart needs someone like Hussey to ground his passionate impulses, and how Hepburn needs Grant, someone who won’t put her on a pedestal like everyone else. Hepburn and Stewart’s is a relationship that might feel right in the moment, but doesn’t quite work in the light of day.
I don’t think Cloud and Aerith share a moment that is nearly as romantic in FF7, but the same principle applies. What may seem romantic in the moment actually reveals how they’re right for someone else.
Even if Aerith lives and Cloud decides to pursue a relationship with her, it’s not going to be all puppies and roses ahead for them. Aerith would need to disentangle her feelings for Zack from her attraction to Cloud, and Cloud would still need to confront his feelings for Tifa, which were his main motivator for nearly half his life, before they can even start to build something real. This is messy work, good fodder for a prestige cable drama or an Oscar-baity indie film, but it has no place in a Final Fantasy. There simply isn’t the time. Not when the question on most players’ minds isn’t ‘Cloud does love?’ but ‘How the hell are they going to stop that madman and his Meteor that’s about to destroy the world?’
With Zerith’s depiction in Crisis Core, there’s a sort of bittersweet poetry in how the two relationships rhyme but can’t actually coexist. It is only because Zack is trying to return to Midgar to see Aerith that Cloud is able to reunite with Tifa, and the OG begins in earnest. In another world, Zack and Aerith would be the hero and heroine who saved the world and lived to tell the tale. They are much more the traditional archetypes - Zack the super-powered warrior who wants to be a Capital-H Hero, and Aerith, the last of her kind who reluctantly accepts her fate. Compared to these two, Cloud and Tifa aren’t nearly so special, nor their goals so lofty and noble. Cloud, after all, was too weak to even get into SOLDIER, and only wanted to be one, not for some greater good, but to impress the girl he liked. Tifa has no special abilities, merely learning martial arts when she grew wise enough to not wait around for a hero. On the surface, Cloud and Tifa are made of frailer stuff, and yet by luck or by fate, they’re the ones who cheat death time and time again, and manage to save the world, whereas the ones who should have the role, are prematurely struck down before they can finish the job. Cloud and Tifa fulfill the roles that they never asked for, that they may not be particularly suited for, in Zack and Aerith’s stead. There’s a burden and a beauty to it. Cloud and Tifa can live because Zack and Aerith did not.
All of this nuance is lost if you think Cloud and Aerith are meant to be the endgame couple. Instead, you have a pair succumbing to their basest desires, regardless of the selfless sacrifices their other potential paramours made for their sake. Zack and Tifa, and their respective relationships with Aerith and Cloud, are flattened into mere romantic obstacles. The heart wants what it wants, some may argue. While that may be true in real life, that is not necessarily the case in a work of fiction, especially not a Final Fantasy. The other canon Final Fantasy couples could certainly have had previous romantic relationships, but unless they have direct relevance to the their character arcs (e.g., Rachel to Locke), the games do not draw attention to them because they would be a distraction from the romance they are trying to tell. They’ve certainly never spent the amount of real estate FF7 spends in depicting Cloud/Tifa and Zack/Aerith’s relationships.
At last…the Remake, and somehow this essay isn’t even close to being over
Finally, we come to the Remake. With the technological advancements made in the last 23 years and the sheer amount of hours they’re devoting to just the Midgar section this time around, you can almost look at the OG as an outline and the Remake as the final draft. With the OG being overly reliant on text to do its storytelling, and the Remake having subtle facial expressions and a slew of cinematic techniques at its disposal, you might almost consider it an adaptation from a literary medium to a visual one. Our discussions are no longer limited to just what the characters are saying, but what they are doing, and even more importantly, how the game presents those actions. When does the game want us to pay attention? And what does it want us to pay attention to?
Unlike most outlines, which are read by a small handful of execs, SE has 23 years worth of reactions from the general public to gauge what works and what doesn’t work, what caused confusion, and what could be clarified. While FF7 is not a romance, the LTD remains a hot topic among a small but vocal part of the fanbase. It certainly is an area that could do with some clarifying in the Remake.
Since the Remake is not telling a new story, but rather retelling an existing story that has been in the public consciousness for over two decades, certain aspects that were treated as “twists” in the OG no longer have that same element of surprise, and would need to approached differently. For example, in the Midgar section of the OG, Shinra is treated as the main antagonist throughout. It’s only when we get to the top of the Shinra tower that Sephiroth is revealed as the real villain. Anyone with even a passing of knowledge of FF7 would be aware of Sephiroth so trying to play it off like a surprise in the Remake would be terribly anticlimactic. Thus, Sephiroth appears as early as Ch. 2 to haunt Cloud and the player throughout.
Likewise, many players who’ve never even touched the OG are probably aware that Aerith dies, thus her death can no longer be played for shock. While SE would still want the player to grow attached to Aerith so that her death has an emotional impact, there are diminishing returns to misdirecting the player about her fate, at least not in the same way it was done in the OG.
How do these considerations affect the how the LTD is depicted in the Remake? For the two of the biggest twists in the OG to land in the Remake — Aerith’s death and Cloud’s true identity in the Lifestream — the game needs to establish:
Aerith’s attraction to Cloud, specifically due to his similarities to Zack. This never needs to go past an initial attraction for the player to understand that the man whose memory Cloud was “borrowing” is Zack. Aerith’s feelings for Cloud can evolve into something platonic or even maternal by her end without the reveal in the Lifestream losing any impact.
Cloud’s love for Tifa. For the Lifestream sequence to land with an “Ooooh!” rather than a “Huh!?!?”, the Remake will need to establish that Cloud’s feelings for Tifa were strong enough to 1) motivate him to try to join SOLDIER in the first place 2) incentivize him to adopt a false persona because he fears that he isn’t the man she wants him to be 3) call him back to consciousness from Make poisoning twice 4) help him put his mind back together and find his true self. That’s a lot of story riding on one guy’s feelings!
The player’s love for Aerith so that her death will hurt. This can be done by making them invested in Aerith as a character by her own right, but also extends to the relationships she has with the other characters (not only Cloud).
What is not necessary is establishing Cloud’s romantic feelings for Aerith. Now, would their doomed romance make her death hurt even more? Sure, but it could work just as well if Cloud if is losing a dear friend and ally, not a lover. Not to mention, her death also cuts short her relationships with Tifa, Barret, Red XII, etc. Bulking those relationships up prior to her death, would also make her loss more palpable. If anything, establishing Cloud’s romantic feelings for Aerith would actually undermine the game’s other big twist. The game needs you to believe that Cloud’s feelings for Tifa were strong enough to drive his entire hero’s journey. If Cloud is shown falling in love with another woman in the span of weeks if not mere days, then the Lifestream scene would be much harder to swallow.
Cloud wavering between the two women made sense in the OG because the main way for the player to get to know Aerith was through her interactions with Cloud. That is no longer the case in the Remake. Cloud is still the protagonist, and the player character for the vast majority of the game, but there are natural ways for the player to get to know Aerith outside of her dialogue exchanges with Cloud. Unless SE considers the LTD an integral part of FF7’s DNA, then for the sake of story clarity, the LTD doesn’t need to exist.
How then does the Remake clarify things?
I’m not going go through every single change in the Remake — there are far too many of them, and they’ve been documented elsewhere. Most of the changes are expansions or adaptations (what might make sense for super-deformed chibis would look silly for realistic characters, e.g., Cloud rolling barrels in the Church has now become him climbing across the roof support). What is expanded and how it’s adapted can be telling, but what is more interesting are the additions and removals. Not just for what takes place in the scenes themselves, but how their addition or removal changes our understanding of the narrative as a whole vis-a-vis the story we know from the OG.
Notably, one of the features that is not expanded upon, but rather diminished, is player choice. In the OG, the player had a slew of dialogue options to choose from, especially during the Midgar portion of the game. Not only did it determine which character would go on a date with Cloud at the Gold Saucer, but it also made the player identify with Cloud since they’re largely determining his personality during this stage. Despite the technological advances that have made this level of optionality the norm in AAA games, the Remake gives the player far fewer non-gameplay related choices, and only really the illusion of choice as a nod to the OG, but they don’t affect the story of the game in any meaningful way. You get a slightly different conversation depending on the choice, but you have to buy the Flower, Tifa has to make you a drink.
So much of what fueled the LTD in the OG came from this mechanic, which is now largely absent in the Remake. Almost every instance where there was a dialogue branch in the OG has become a single, canon scenario in the Remake that favors Tifa (e.g., having the choice of giving the flower to Tifa or Marlene in the OG, to Cloud giving the flower to Tifa in the Remake). Similarly, for the only meaningful choice you make in the Remake — picking Tifa or Aerith in the sewers — Cloud is now equidistant to both girls, whereas in the OG, his starting point was much closer to Aerith. In the OG, player choice allowed you to largely determine Cloud’s personality, and the girl he favored — and seemingly encouraged you to choose Aerith in many instances. In the Remake, Cloud is now his own character, not who the player wants him to be. And this Cloud, well, he sure seems to have a thing for Tifa.
In fact, one of the first changes in the Remake is the addition of Jessie asking Cloud about his relationship with Tifa, and Cloud’s brief flashback to their childhood together. In the OG, Tifa isn’t mentioned at all during the first reactor mission, and we don’t see her until we get to Sector 7.
Not only does this scene reveal Tifa’s importance to Cloud much earlier on than in the OG, but it sets up a sort of frame of reference that colors Cloud’s subsequent interactions. Even as Jessie kind of flirts with him throughout the reactor mission, even with his chance meeting Aerith in Sector 8, in the back of your mind, you might be thinking — wait what about his relationship with this Tifa character? What if he’s already spoken for?
Think about how this plays out in the OG. Jessie is pretty much a non-entity, and Cloud has his meet-cute with the flower girl before we’re even aware that Tifa exists. It’s hard to get too invested in his interactions with Tifa, when you know he has to meet the flower girl again, and you’re waiting for that moment, because that’s when the game will start in earnest.
After chapter 1 of the Remake, a new player may be asking — who is this Tifa person, and, echoing Jessie’s question, what kind of relationship does she have with Cloud? It’s a question that’s repeated when Barret mentions her before they set the bomb, and again when Barret specifies Seventh Heaven is where Tifa works — and the game zooms in on Cloud’s face — when they arrive in Sector 7.
It’s when we finally meet her at Seventh Heaven in Ch. 3 that we feel, ah now, this game has finally begun.
It’s also interesting how inorganically this question is introduced in the Remake. Up until that moment, the dialogue and Cloud are all business. Then, as they’re waiting for the gate to open, Jessie asks about Tifa completely out of the blue, and Cloud, all of a sudden, is at a lost for words, and has the first of many flashbacks. That this moment is a bit incongruous shows the effort SE made to establish Tifa’s importance to the game and to Cloud early on.
One of the biggest changes in the Remake is the addition of the events in Ch. 3 and 4. Unlike what happens in Ch. 18, Ch. 3 and 4 feel like such a natural extension of the OG’s story that many players may not even realize that SE has added an whole day’s and night’s worth of events to the OG’s story. While not a drastic change, it does reshape our understanding of subsequent events in the story, namely Cloud’s time spent alone with Aerith.
In the OG, we rush from one reactor mission to the next, with no real time to explore Cloud’s character or his relationships with any of the other characters in between. When he crashes through the church, he gets a bit of a breather. We see a different side of him with Aerith. Since we have nothing else to compare it to, many might assume that his relationship with Aerith is special. That she brings something out of him that no one else can.
That is no longer the case in the Remake. While Cloud’s time in Sector 5 with Aerith remains largely unchanged though greatly expanded, it no longer feels “special.” So many of the beats that seemed exclusive to his relationship with Aerith in the OG, we’ve now already seen play out with both Tifa and the other members of AVALANCHE long before he meets Aerith.
Cloud tells the flowers to listen to Aerith; he’s told Tifa he’s listening if she wants to talk; told Bigg’s he wants to hear the story of Jessie’s dad. Cloud offers to walk Aerith back home; he offered the same to Wedge. Cloud smiles at Aerith; he’s already smiled at Tifa and AVALANCHE a number of times.
Now, I’m under no illusion that SE added these chapters solely to diminish Aerith’s importance to Cloud (other than the obvious goal of making the game longer, I imagine they wanted the player to spend more time in Sector 7 and more time with the other AVALANCHE members so that the collapse of the Pillar and their deaths have more weight), but they certainly must have realized that this would be one effect. If pushing Cloud/Aerith’s romance had been a goal with the Remake, this would be a scenario they would try to avoid. Notably, the other place where time has been added - the night in the Underground Shinra Lab, and the day helping other people out around the slums — are also periods of time when Aerith is absent.
Home Sweet Slums vs. Budding Bodyguard
Since most of the events in Ch. 3 were invented for the Remake, and thus we have nothing in the OG to compare it to (except to say that something is probably better than nothing), I thought it would be more interesting to compare it to Ch. 8. Structurally, they are nearly identical — Cloud doing sidequests around the Sectors with one of the girls as his guide. Extra bits of dialogue the more sidequests you complete, with an optional story event if you do them all. Do Cloud’s relationships with each girl progress the same way in both chapters? Is the Remake just Final Waifu Simulator 2020 or are they distinct, reflecting their respective roles in the story as a whole?
A lot of what the player takes away from these chapters is going to be pretty subjective (Is he annoyed with her or is he playing hard to get), yet the vibes of the two chapters are quite different. This is because in Ch. 3, the player is getting to know Tifa through her relationship with Cloud; in Ch. 8; the player is getting to know Aerith as a character on her own.
What do I mean by this? Let’s take Cloud’s initial introduction into each Sector. In Ch. 3, it’s a straight shot from Seventh Heaven to Stargazer Heights punctuated by a brief conversation where Tifa asks Cloud about the mission he was just on. We don’t learn anything new about Tifa’s character here. Instead we hear Cloud recount the mission we already saw play out in detail in Ch. 1 But it’s through this conversation that we get a glimpse of Cloud and Tifa’s relationship — unlike the reticent jerk he was with Avalanche, this Cloud is much more responsive and even tries to reassure her in his own stilted way. We also know that they have enough of a past together that Tifa can categorize him as “not a people person” — an assessment to which Cloud agrees. Slowly, we’re getting an answer to the question Jessie posed in Ch. 1 — just what kind of relationship does Cloud have with Tifa?
In Ch. 8, Aerith leads Cloud on a roundabout way through Sector 5, and stops, unprompted, to talk about her experiences helping at the restaurant, helping out the doctor, and helping with the orphans at the Leaf House. It’s not so much a conversation as a monologue. Cloud isn’t the one who inquires about these relationships, and more jarringly, he doesn’t respond until Aerith directly asks him a question (interestingly enough, it’s about the flower she gave him…which he then gave to Tifa). Here, the game is allowing the player to learn more about the kind of person Aerith is. Cloud is also learning about Aerith at the same time, but with his non-reaction, either the game itself is indifferent to Cloud’s feelings towards Aerith or it is deliberately trying to portray Cloud’s indifference to Aerith.
The optional story event you can see in each chapter after completing all the side quests is also telling. In Ch. 3, “Alone at Last” is almost explicitly about Cloud and Tifa’s relationship. It’s bookended by two brief scenes between Marle and Cloud — the first in which she lectures him about how he should treat Tifa almost like an overprotective in-law, the second after they return downstairs and Marle awards Cloud with an accessory “imbued with the fervent desire to be by one’s side for eternity” after he makes Tifa smile. In between, Cloud and Tifa chat alone in her room. Tifa finally gets a chance to ask Cloud about his past and they plan a little date to celebrate their reunion. There is also at least the suggestion that Cloud was expecting something else when Tifa asked him to her room.
In Ch. 8’s “The Language of Flowers,” Cloud and Aerith’s relationship is certainly part of the story — unlike earlier in the chapter, Cloud actually asks Aerith about what she’s doing and even supports her by talking to the flowers too, but the other main objective of this much briefer scene is to show Aerith’s relationship with the flowers and of her mysterious Cetra powers (though we don’t know about her ancestry just yet). Like a lot of Aerith’s dialogue, there’s a lot of foreshadowing and foreboding in her words. If anything, it’s almost as if Cloud is playing the Marle role to the flowers, as an audience surrogate to ask Aerith about her relationship with the flowers so that she can explain. Also, there’s no in-game reward that suggests what the scene was really about.
If there’s any confusion about what’s going on here, just compare their titles “Alone At Last” vs. “The Language of Flowers.”
I’ll try not to bring my personal feelings into this, but there’s just something so much more satisfying about the construction of Ch. 3. This is some real storytelling 101 shit, but I think a lot of it due to just how much set up and payoff there is, and how almost all of said payoff deepens our understanding of Cloud and Tifa’s relationship:
Marle: Cloud meets Tifa’s overprotective landlady towards the beginning of the chapter. She is dubious of his character and his relationship with TIfa. This impression does not change the second time they meet even though Tifa herself is there to mediate. It’s only towards the end of the chapter, after all the sidequests are complete, that this tension is resolved. Marle gives Cloud a lecture about how he should be treating Tifa, which he seems to take to heart. And Cloud finally earns Marle’s begrudging approval after he emerges from their rooms with a chipper-looking Tifa in tow.
Their past: For their first in-game interaction, Cloud casually brings up that fact that it’s been “Five years” since they’ve last, which seem to throw Tifa off a bit. As they’re replacing filters, Cloud asks Tifa what she’s been up to in the time since they’ve been apart, and Tifa quickly changes the subject. Tifa tries to ask Cloud about his life “after he left the village,” at the Neighborhood Watch HQ, and this time he’s the one who seems to be avoiding the subject. It’s only after all the Ch. 3 sidequests are complete, and they're alone in her room that Tifa finally gets the chance to ask her question. A question which Cloud still doesn’t entirely answer. This question remains unresolved, and anyone’s played the OG will know that it will remain unresolved for some time yet, as it is THE question of Cloud’s story as a whole.
The lessons: Tifa starts spouting off some lessons for life in the slums as she brings Cloud around the town, though it’s unclear if Cloud is paying attention or taking them to heart. After completing the first sidequest, Cloud repeats one of these sayings back to her, confirming that he’s been listening all along. By the end of the chapter, Cloud is repeating these lessons to himself, even when Tifa isn’t around. These lessons extend beyond this chapter, with Cloud being a real teacher’s pet, asking Tifa “Is this a lesson” in Ch. 10 once they reunite.
The drink: When Cloud first arrives at Seventh Heaven, Tifa plays hostess and asks him if he wants anything, but it seems he’s only interested in his money. After exploring the sector a bit, Tifa again tries to play the role of cheery bartender, offering to make him a cocktail at the bar, but Cloud sees through this facade, and they carry on. Finally, after the day’s work is done, to tide Cloud over while she’s meeting with AVALANCHE, Tifa finally gets the chance to make him a drink. No matter, which dialogue option the player chooses, Tifa and Cloud fall into the roles of flirty bartender and patron quite easily. Who would have thought this was possible from the guy we met in Ch. 1?
This dynamic is largely absent in Ch. 8, except perhaps exploring Aerith’s relationship with the flowers, which “pays off” in the “Language of Flowers” event, but again, that scene is primarily about Aerith’s character rather than her relationship with Cloud. The orphans and the Leaf House are a throughline of the chapter, but they are merely present. There’s no clear progression here as was the case with in Ch. 3. Sure, the kids admire Cloud quite a bit after he saves them, but it’s not like they were dubious of his presence before. They barely paid attention to him. In terms of the impact the kids have on Cloud’s relationship with Aerith, there isn’t much at all. Certainly nothing like the role Marle plays in developing his relationship with Tifa.
The thing is, there are plenty of moments that could have been set ups, only there’s no real follow through. Aerith introduces Cloud around town as her bodyguard, and some people like the Doctor express dubiousness of his ability to do the job, but even after we spend a whole day fighting off monsters, and defeating Rude, there’s no payoff. Not even a throwaway “Wow, great job bodyguarding” comment. Same with the whole “one date” reward. Other than a quick reference on the way to Sector 5, and Aerith threatening to reveal the deal to cajole Cloud into helping her gather flowers, it’s never brought up again, in this chapter, or the rest of the game.
Aerith also makes a big stink about Cloud taking the time to enjoy Elmyra’s cooking. This is after Cloud is excluded from AVALANCHE’s celebration in Seventh Heaven and after he misses out on Jessie’s mom’s “Midgar Special” with Biggs and Wedge. So this could have been have been the set up to Cloud finally getting to experience a nice, domestic moment where he feels like he’s part of a family. And this dinner does happen! Only…the Remake skips over it entirely. Which is quite a strange choice considering that almost every other waking moment of Cloud’s time in Midgar has been depicted in excruciating detail. SE has decided that either whatever happened in this dinner between these three characters is irrelevant to the story they’re trying to tell, or they’ve deliberately excluded this scene from the game so that the player wouldn’t get any wrong ideas from it (e.g., that Cloud is starting to feel at home with Aerith).
Speaking of home, the Odd Jobs in Ch. 3 feel a bit more meaningful outside of just the gameplay-related rewards because they’re a way for Cloud to improve his reputation as he considers building a life for himself in Sector 7. This intent is implicit as Tifa imparts upon him the life lessons for surviving the slums, and then explicit, when Tifa asks him if he’s going to “stick around a little longer” outside of Seventh Heaven and he answers maybe. (It is later confirmed when Cloud and Tifa converse in his room in Ch. 4 after he remembers their promise).
Despite Aerith’s endeavors to extend their time together, there’s no indication that Cloud is planning to put down roots in Sector 5, or even return. Not even after doing all the Odd Jobs. If anything, it’s just the opposite — after 3 Odd Jobs, Aerith, kind of jokingly tells Cloud “don’t think you can rely on me forever.” This is a line that has a deeper meaning for anyone who knows Aerith’s fate in the OG, but Cloud seems totally fine with the outcome. Similarly, at the end of the Chapter 8, Elmyra asks Cloud to leave and never speak to Aerith again — a request to which he readily agrees.
Adding to the different vibes of the Chapters are the musical themes that play in the background. In Ch. 3, it’s the “Main Theme of VII”, followed by “On Our Way” — two tracks that instantly recall the OG. While the Main Theme is a bit melancholy, it's also familiar. It feels like home. In Ch. 8, we have an instrumental version of ‘Hollow’ - the new theme written for the Remake. While, it’s a lovely piece, it’s unfamiliar and honestly as a bit anxiety inducing (as is the intent).
(A quick aside to address the argument that this proves ‘Hollow’ is about Cloud’s feelings for Aerith:
Which of course doesn’t make any damn sense because he hasn’t even lost Aerith at this point the story. Even if you want to argue that there is so timey-wimey stuff going on and the whole purpose of the Remake is to rewrite the timeline so that Cloud doesn’t lose Aerith around — shouldn’t there be evidence of this desire outside of just the background music? Perhaps, in Cloud’s actions during the Chapter which the song plays — shouldn’t he dread being parted from her, shouldn’t he be the one trying to extend their time together? Instead, he’s willing to let her go quite easily.
The more likely explanation as to why “Hollow” plays in Ch. 8 is that since the “Main Theme of FFVII” already plays in Ch. 3, the other “main theme” written for the Remake is going to play in the other chapter with a pseudo-open world vibe. If you’re going to say “Hollow” is about Cloud’s feelings for Aerith then you’d have to accept that the Main Theme of the entire series is about Cloud’s feelings for Tifa, which would actually make a bit more sense given that is practically Cloud’s entire character arc.)
Both chapters contain a scripted battle that must be completed before the chapter can end. They both contain a shot where Cloud fights side by side with each of the girls.
Here, Cloud and Tifa are both in focus during the entirety of this shot.
Here, the focus pulls away from Cloud the moment Aerith enters the frame.
I doubt the developers expected most players to notice this particular technique, but it reflects the subtle differences in the way these two relationships are portrayed. By the end of Ch. 3, Cloud and Tifa are acting as one unit. By the end of Ch. 8, even when they’re together, Cloud and Aerith are still apart.
A brief (lol) overview of some meaningful changes from the OG
One of the most significant changes in the Sector 7 chapters is how The Promise flashback is depicted. In the OG, Tifa is the one who has to remind Cloud of the Promise, in a rather pushy way, and whether Cloud chooses to join the next mission to fulfill his promise to her or because Barret is giving him a raise feels a bit more ambiguous.
In the Remake, the Promise has it’s own little mini-arc. It’s first brought up at the end of Ch. 3 when Cloud talks to Tifa about her anxieties about the upcoming mission. Tifa subtly references the Promise by mentioning that she’s “in a pitch” — a reference that goes over Cloud’s head. It’s only in Ch. 4, in the middle of a mission with Biggs and Wedge, where Tifa is no where in sight, that a random building fan reminds him of the Nibelheim water tower and the Promise he made to Tifa there. There’s also another brief flashback to that earlier moment in the bar when Tifa mentions she’s in a “pinch.” Again, the placement of this particular flashback at this particular moment feels almost jarring. And the flashback to the scene in the bar — a flashback to a scene we’ve already seen play out in-game — is the only one of its kind in the Remake. SE went out of the way to show that this particular moment is very important to Cloud and the game as whole. It’s when Cloud returns to his room, and Tifa asks him if he’s planning to stay in Midgar, that this mini-arc is finally complete. He brings up the Promise on his own, and makes it explicit that the reason he’s staying is for her. It’s to fulfill his Promise to her, not for money or for AVALANCHE — at this point, he’s not even supposed to be going on the next mission.
The Reactor 5 chapters are greatly expanded, but there aren’t really any substantive changes other than the addition of the rather intimate train roll scene between and Cloud and Tifa, which adds nothing to the story except to establish how horny they are for each other. We know this is the case, of course, because if you go out of your way to make Cloud look like an incompetent idiot and let the timer run out, you can avoid this scene altogether. But even in that alternate scene, Cloud’s concern for Tifa is crystal clear.
Ch. 8 also plays out quite similarly to the OG for the most part, though Cloud’s banter with Aerith on the rooftops doesn’t feel all that special since we’ve already seen him do the same with Tifa, Barret and the rest of AVALANCHE. The rooftops is the first place Cloud laughs in the OG. In the Remake, while Cloud might not have straight out laughed before, he’s certainly smiled quite a bit in the preceding chapters. Also, with the addition of voice acting and realistic facial expressions, that “laughter” in the Remake comes off much more sarcastic than genuine.
It’s also notable that in the Remake, Cloud vocally protests almost every time Aerith tries to extend their time together. In the OG, Cloud says nothing in these moments, which the player could reasonably interpret as assent.
One major change in the Remake is how Aerith learns of Tifa’s existence. In the OG, Cloud mentions that he wants to go back to Tifa’s bar, prompting Aerith to ask him about his relationship with her. In the Remake, Cloud calls Tifa’s name after having a random flashback of Child Tifa as he’s walking along with some kids. Again the insertion of said flashback is a bit jarring, prompting Aerith to understandably ask Cloud about just who this Tifa is. In the OG, this exchange served to show Aerith’s jealousy and her interest in Cloud. In the Remake, it’s all about Cloud’s feelings for Tifa and his inability to articulate them. As for Aerith, I suppose you can still read her reaction as jealous, though simple curiosity is a perfectly reasonable way to read it too. It plays out quite similarly to Aerith asking Cloud about who he gave the flower to. Her follow ups seem indicate that she’s merely curious about who this recipient might be rather than showing that she’s upset/jealous of the fact that said person exists.
For the collapsed tunnel segment, the Remake adds the recurring bit of Aerith and Cloud trying to successfully complete a high-five. While this is certainly a way to show them getting closer, it’s about least intimate way that SE could have done so. Just think about the alternatives — you could have Cloud and Aerith sharing brief tidbits of their lives after each mechanical arm, you could have them trying to reach for each other’s hand. Instead, SE chose an action that is we’ve seen performed between a number of different platonic buddies, and an action that Aerith immediately performs with Tifa upon meeting her. Not to mention, even while they are technically getting closer, Cloud still rejects (or at least tries to) Aerith’s invitations to extend their time together twice — at the fire and at the playground.
One aspect from these two Chapters that does has plenty of set up and a satisfying payoff is Aerith’s interest in Cloud’s SOLDIER background. You have the weirdness of Aerith already knowing that Cloud was in SOLDIER without him mentioning it first, followed by Elmyra’s antipathy towards SOLDIERs in general, not to mention Aerith actively fishing for information about Cloud’s time in SOLDIER. (For players who’ve played Crisis Core, the reason for her behavior is even more obvious, with her “one date” gesture mirroring Zack’s, and her line to Cloud in front of the tunnel a near duplicate of what she says to Zack — at least in the original Japanese).
Finally, at the playground, it’s revealed that the reason for all this weirdness is because Aerith’s first love was also a SOLDIER who was the same rank as Cloud. Unlike in the OG, Cloud does not exhibit any potential jealousy by asking about the nature of her relationship, and Aerith doesn’t try to play it off by dismissing the seriousness. In fact, with the emotional nuance we can now see on her face, we can understand the depth of her feelings even if she cannot articulate them.
This is the first scene in the Remake where Cloud and Aerith have a genuine conversation. Thus, finally, Cloud expresses some hesitation before he leaves her — and as far as he knows, this could be the last time they see each other. You can interpret this hesitation as romantic longing or it could just as easily be Cloud being a bit sad to part from a new friend. Regardless, it’s notable that scene is preceded by one where Aerith is talking about her first love who she clearly isn’t over, and followed by a scene where Cloud sprints across the screen, without a backwards glance at Aerith, after seeing a glimpse of Tifa through a tiny window in a Chocobo cart that’s about a hundred yards away.
The Wall Market segment in the Remake is quite explicitly about Cloud’s desire to save Tifa. In the OG, Aerith has no trouble getting into Corneo’s mansion on her own, so I can see how someone could misinterpret Cloud going through all the effort to dress as a woman to protect Aerith from the Don’s wiles (though of course, you would need to ask, why they trying to infiltrate the mansion in the first place?). In the Remake, Cloud has to go through herculean efforts to even get Aerith in front of the Don. Everyone who is aware of Cloud’s cause, from Sam to Leslie to Johnny to Andrea to Aerith herself, comments on how hard he’s working to save Tifa and how important she must be to him for him to do so. In case there’s any confusion, the Remake also includes a scene where Cloud is prepared to bust into the mansion on his own, leaving Aerith to fend for herself, after Johnny comes with news that Tifa is in trouble.
Both Cloud and Aerith get big dress reveals in the Remake. If you get Aerith’s best dress, Cloud’s reaction can certainly be read as one of attraction, but since the game continues on the same regardless of which dress you get, it’s not meant to mark a shift in Cloud and Aerith’s relationship. Rather, it’s a reward for the player for completing however many side quests in Ch. 8, especially since the Remake incentives the player to get every dress and thus see all of Cloud’s reactions by making it a Trophy and including it in the play log.
A significant and very welcome change from the OG to the Remake is Tifa and Aerith’s relationship dynamic. In the OG, the girls’ first meeting in Corneo’s mansion starts with them fighting over Cloud (by pretending not to fight over Cloud). In the Remake, the sequence of events is reversed so that it starts off with Cloud’s reunion with Tifa (again emphasizing that the whole purpose of the infiltration is because Cloud wants to save Tifa). Then when Aerith wakes, she’s absolutely thrilled to make Tifa’s acquaintance, hardly acknowledging Cloud at all. Tifa is understandably more wary at first, but once they start working together, they become fast friends.
Also interesting is that from the moment Aerith and Tifa meet, almost every instance where Cloud could be shown worrying about Aerith or trying to comfort Aerith is given to Tifa instead. In the OG, it’s Cloud who frets about Aerith getting involved in the plot to question the Don, and regrets getting her mixed up in everything once they land in the sewers. In the Remake, those very same reservations are expressed by Tifa instead. Tifa is the one who saves Aerith when the platform collapses in the sewer. Tifa is the one who emotionally comforts Aerith after they’re separated in the train graveyard. (Cloud might be the one who physically saves her, but he doesn’t even so much give her a second glance to check on her well-being before he runs off to face Eligor. He leaves that job for Tifa). It almost feels like the Remake is going out of its way to avoid any moments between Cloud and Aerith that could be interpreted as romantic. In fact, after Corneo’s mansion, unless you get Aerith’s resolution, there are almost no one-on-one interactions at all between Cloud and Aerith. Such is not the case with Cloud and Tifa. In fact, right after defeating Abzu in the sewers, Cloud runs after Tifa, and asks her if what she’s saying is one of those slum lessons — continuing right where they left off.
Ch. 11 feels like a wink-wink nudge-nudge way to acknowledge the LTD. You have the infamous shot of the two girls on each of Cloud’s arms, and two scenes where Cloud appears as if he’s unable to choose between them when he asks them if they’re okay. Of course, in this same Chapter, you have a scene during the boss fight with the Phantom where Cloud actually pulls Tifa away from Aerith, leaving Aerith to defend herself, for an extended sequence where he tries to keep Tifa safe. This is not something SE would include if their intention is to keep Cloud’s romantic interest ambiguous or if Aerith is meant to be the one he loves. Of course, Ch. 11 is not the first we see of this trio’s dynamic. We start with Ch. 10, which is all about Aerith and Tifa’s friendship. Ch. 11 is a nod to the LTD dynamic in the OG, but it’s just that, a nod, not an indication the Remake is following the same path. Halfway through Ch. 11, the dynamic completely disappears.
Ch. 12 changes things up a bit from the OG. Instead of Cloud and Tifa ascending the pillar together, Cloud goes up first. Seemingly just so that we can have the dramatic slow-mo handgrab scene between the two of them when Tifa decides to run after Cloud — right after Aerith tells her to follow her heart.
The Remake also shows us what happens when Aerith goes to find Marlene at Seventh Heaven — including the moment when Aerith sees the flower she gave Cloud by the bar register, and Aerith is finally able to connect the dots. After seeing Cloud be so cagey about who he gave the flower to, and weird about his relationship with Tifa, and after seeing how Cloud and Tifa act around each other. It finally makes sense. She’s figured it out before they have. It’s a beautiful payoff to all that set up. Any other interpretation of Aerith’s reaction doesn’t make a lick of sense, because if it’s to indict she’s jealous of Tifa, where is all the set up for that? Why did the Remake eliminate all the moments from the OG where she had been noticeably jealous before? Without this, that interpretation makes about as much sense as someone arguing Aerith is smiling because she’s thinking about a great sandwich she had the night before. In case anyone is confused, the scene is preceded by a moment where Aerith tells Tifa to follow her heart before she goes after Cloud, and followed by the moment where Cloud catches Tifa via slow-motion handgrab.
On the pillar itself, there are so many added moments of Cloud showing his concern for Tifa’s physical and emotional well-being. Even when they find Jessie, as sad as Cloud is over Jessie’s death, the game actually spends more time showing us Cloud’s reaction to Tifa crying over Jessie’s death, and Cloud’s inability to comfort her. Since so much of this is physical rather than verbal, this couldn’t have effectively been shown in the OG with its technological limitations.
After the pillar collapses, we start off with a couple of other moments showing Cloud’s concern over Tifa — watching over her as she wakes, his dramatic fist clench while he watches Barret comfort Tifa in a way he cannot. There is also a subtle but important change in the dialogue. In the OG, Tifa is the one who tells Barret that Marlene is safe because she was with Aerith. Cloud is also on his way to Sector 5, but it’s for the explicit purpose of trying to save Aerith, which we know because Tifa asks. In the Remake, Tifa is too emotionally devastated to comfort Barret about Marlene. Cloud, trying to help in the only way he can, is now the one to tell Barret about Marlene. Leading them to Sector 5 is no longer about him trying to help Aerith, but about him reuniting Barret with his daughter. Again, another moment where Cloud shows concern about Aerith in the OG is eliminated from the Remake.
Rather than going straight from Aerith’s house to trying to figure out a way into the Shinra building to find Aerith, the group takes a detour to check out the ruins of Sector 7 and rescue Wedge from Shinra’s underground lab. It’s only upon seeing the evidence of Shinra’s inhumane experimentation firsthand that Cloud articulates to Elmyra the need to rescue Aerith. In the OG, they never sought out Elmyra’s permission, and Tifa explicitly asks to join Cloud on his quest. Rescuing Aerith is framed as primarily Cloud’s goal, Tifa and Barret are just along for the ride.
In the Remake, all three wait until Elymra gives them her blessing, and it’s framed (quite literally) as the group’s collective goal as opposed to just Cloud’s.
In the aptly named Ch. 14 resolutions, each marks the culmination of the character’s arc for the Part 1 of Remake. While their arcs are by no means complete, they do offer a nice preview of what their ultimate resolutions will be.
With the exception of Tifa’s, these resolutions are primarily about the character themselves. Their relationships with Cloud are secondary. Each resolution marks a change in the character themselves, but not necessarily a change in Cloud’s relationship with said character. Barret recommits to AVALANCHE’s mission and his role as a leader despite the deep personal costs. Aerith’s is full of foreshadowing as she accept her fate and impending death and decides to make the most of the time she has left. After trying to put aside her own feelings for the sake of others the whole time, Tifa finally allows herself to feel the full devastation of losing her home for the second time. Like her ultimate resolution in the Lifestream that we’ll see in about 25 years, Cloud is the only person she can share this sentiment with because he was the only person who was there.
Barret does not grow closer to Cloud through his resolution. Cloud has already proved himself to him by helping out on the pillar and reuniting him with Marlene. Barret resolution merely reveals that Barret is now comfortable enough with Cloud to share his past.
Similarly, Cloud starts off Aerith’s resolution with an intent to go rescue her, and ends with that intent still intact. Aerith is more open about her feelings here than before, it being a dream and all, but these feelings aren’t something that developed during this scene.
The only difference is during Tifa’s resolution. Cloud has been unable to emotionally comfort Tifa up until this point. It’s only when Tifa starts crying and rests her head upon his shoulder that he is able to make a change, to make a choice and hug her. Halfway through Tifa’s resolution, the scene shifts its focus to Cloud, his inaction and eventual action. Notably, the only time we have a close-up of any character during all three resolutions (I’ll define close-up here as a shot where a character’s face takes up half or more of the shot), are three shots of Cloud when he’s hugging/trying to hug Tifa. Tifa’s resolution is the only one where Cloud arcs.
What of the whole “You can’t fall in love with me” line in Aerith’s resolution? Why would SE include that if not to foreshadow Cloud falling in love with Aerith? Or indicate that he has already? Well, you can’t just take the dialogue on its own, you how to look at how these lines are framed. Notably, when she says “you can’t fall in love with me,” Aerith is framed at the center of the shot, and almost looks like she’s directly addressing the player. It’s as much a warning for the player as it is for Cloud, which makes sense if you know her fate in the OG.
This is followed directly by her saying “Even if you think you have…it’s not real.” In this shot, it’s back to a standard shot/reverse shot where she is the left third of the frame. She is addressing Cloud here, which, again if you’ve played the OG, is another bit of heavy foreshadowing. The reason Clould would think he might be in love with Aerith is because he’s falsely assuming of the memories of a man who did love Aerith — Zack.
For Cloud’s response (”Do I get a say in all this?”/ “That’s very one-sided” depending on the translation), rather than showing a shot of his face, the Remake shows him with his back turned.
Whatever Cloud’s feelings may be for Aerith, the game seems rather indifferent to them.
What is more telling is the choice to include a bit with Cloud getting jealous over a guy trying to give Tifa flowers in Barret’s resolution. Barret also mentions both Jessie and Aerith in their conversation, but nothing else gets such a reaction from Cloud.
It also should go without saying that if Aerith’s resolution is meant to establish Cloud and Aerith’s romance, there should have been plenty of set-up beforehand and plenty of follow-through afterward. That obviously is not the case, because again, the Remake has gone out of its way to avoid moments where Cloud’s actions towards Aerith could be interpreted romantically.
Case in point, at around this time in the OG, Marlene tells Cloud that she thinks Aerith likes him and the player has the option to have Cloud express his hope that she does. This scene is completely eliminated from the Remake and replaced with a much more appropriate scene of father-daughter affection between Marlene and Barret while Tifa and Cloud are standing together outside.
The method by which they get up the plate is completely different in the Remake. Leslie is the one who helps them this time around, and though his quest to reunite with his fiance directly parallels with the trio’s desire to save Aerith, Leslie himself draws a comparison to earlier when Cloud was trying to rescue Tifa. Finally, when Abzu is defeated again, it is Barret who draws the parallel of their search for Aerith to Leslie’s search for his fiance, making it crystal clear that saving Aerith is a group effort rather than only Cloud’s.
Speaking of Barret, in the OG, he seems to reassess his opinion of Cloud in the Shinra HQ stairs when he sees Cloud working so hard to save Aerith and realizes he might actually care about other people. In the Remake, that reevaluation occurs after you complete all the Ch. 14 sidequests and help a bunch of NPCs. Arguably, this moment occurs even earlier in the Remake for Barret, after the Airbuster, when he realizes that Cloud is more concerned for his and Tifa’s safety than his own.
Overall, the entire Aerith rescue feels so anticlimactic in the Remake. In the OG, Cloud gets his big hero moment in the Shinra Building. He’s the one who runs up to Aerith when the glass shatters and they finally reunite. In the Remake, it’s unclear what the emotional stakes are for Cloud here. At their big reunion, all we get from him is a “Yep.” In fact, when you look at how this scene plays out, Aerith is positioned equally between Cloud and Tifa at the moment of her rescue. Cloud’s answer is again with his back turned to the camera. It’s Tifa who gets her own shot with her response.
Another instance of the Remake being completely indifferent to Cloud’s feelings for Aerith, and actually priotizing Tifa’s relationship with Aerith instead.
It is also Tifa who runs to reunite with Aerith after the group of enemies is defeated. Another moment that could have easily been Cloud’s that the Remake gives to Tifa.
Also completely eliminated in the Remake, is the “I’m your bodyguard. / The deal was for one date” exchange in the jail cells. In the Remake, after Ch. 8, the date isn’t brought up again at all; “the bodyguard” reference only comes up briefly in Ch. 11 and then never again.
In the Remake, the jail scene is replaced by the scene in Aerith’s childhood room. Despite the fact that this is Aerith’s room, it is Tifa’s face that Cloud first sees when he wakes. What purpose does this moment serve other than to showcase Cloud and Tifa’s intimacy and the other characters’ tacit acknowledgment of said intimacy?
(This is the second time where Cloud wakes up and Tifa is the first thing he sees. The other was at Corneo’s mansion. He comes to three times in the Remake, but in Ch. 8, even though Aerith is right in front of him, we start off with a few seconds of Cloud gazing around the church before settling on the person in front of him. Again, while not something that most players would notice, this feels like a deliberate choice.)
Especially since this scene itself is all about Aerith. She begins a sad story about her past, and Cloud, rather than trying to comfort her in any way, asks her to give us some exposition about the Ancients. When the Whispers surround her, even though Cloud is literally right there, it's Tifa who pulls her out of it and comforts her. Another moment that could have been Cloud that was given to Tifa, and honestly, this one feels almost bizarre.
Throughout the entire Shinra HQ episode, Cloud and Aerith haven’t had a single moment alone to themselves. The Drums scenario is completely invented for the Remake. The devs could have contrived a way for Cloud and Aerith to have some one-on-one time here and work through the feelings they expressed during Aerith’s resolution if they wanted. Instead, with the mandatory party configurations during this stage - Cloud & Barret on one side; Tifa & Aerith on the others, with Cloud & Tifa being the respective team leaders communicating over PHS, the Remake minimizes the amount of interaction Cloud and Aerith have with each other in this chapter.
On the rooftop, before Cloud’s solo fight with Rufus, even though Cloud is ostensibly doing all this so that they can bring Aerith to safety, the Remake doesn’t include a single shot that focuses on Aerith’s face and her reaction to his actions. The game has decided, whatever Aerith’s feelings are in this moment, they’re irrelevant to the story they’re trying to tell. Instead we get shots focusing solely on Barret and Tifa. While the Remake couldn’t find any time to develop Cloud and Aerith’s relationship at the Shinra Tower (even though the OG certainly did), it did find time to add a new scene where Tifa saves Cloud from certain death, while referencing their Promise.
A lot of weird shit happens after this, but it’s pretty much all plot and no character. We do get one more moment where Cloud saves Tifa (and Tifa alone) from the Red Whisper even though Aerith is literally right next to her. The Remake isn’t playing coy at all about where Cloud’s preferences lie.
The party order for the Sephiroth battle varies depending on how you fought the Whispers. All the other character entrances (whoever the 3rd party member is, then the 4th and Red) are essentially the exact same shots, with the characters replaced. It’s the first character entrance (which can only be Aerith or Tifa) that you have two distinct options.
If Aerith is first, the camera pans from Cloud over to Aerith. It then cuts back to Cloud’s reaction, in a separate shot, as Aerith walks to join him (offscreen). It’s only when the player regains control of the characters that Cloud and Aerith ever share the frame.
On the other hand, if Tifa is first, we see Tifa land from Cloud’s POV. Cloud then walks over to join Tifa and they immediately share a frame, facing Sephiroth together.
Again, this is not something SE would expect the player to notice the first or even second time around. Honestly, I doubt anyone would notice at all unless they watched all these variations back to back. That is telling in itself, that SE would go through all this effort (making these scenes unique rather than copy and pasting certainly takes more time and effort) to ensure that the depictions of Cloud’s relationships with these two women are distinct despite the fact that hardly anyone would notice. Even in the very last chapter of the game, they want us to see Cloud and Tifa as a pair and Cloud and Aerith as individuals.
Which isn’t to say that Aerith is being neglected in the Remake. Quite the opposite, in fact, when she has essentially become the main protagonist and the group’s spirtual leader in Ch. 18. Rather, her relationship with Cloud is no longer an essential part of her character. Not to mention, one of the very last shots of the Remake is about Aerith sensing Zack’s presence. Again, not the kind of thing you want to bring up if the game is supposed to show her being in love with Cloud.
What does it all mean????
Phew — now let’s step back and look and how the totality of these changes have reshaped our understanding of the story as a whole. Looking solely at the Midgar section of the OG, and ignoring everything that comes after it, it seems to tell a pretty straightforward story: Cloud is a cold-hearted jerk who doesn’t care about anyone else until he meets Aerith. It is through his relationship with Aerith that he begins to soften up and starts giving a damn about something other than himself. This culminates when he risks it all to rescue Aerith from the clutches of the game’s Big Bad itself, The Shinra Electric Company.
This was honestly the reason why I was dreading the Remake when I learned that it would only cover the Midgar segment. A game that’s merely an expansion of the Midgar section of the OG is probably going to leave a lot of people believing that Cloud & Aerith were the intended couple, and I didn’t want to wait years and perhaps decades for vindication after the Remake’s Lifestream Scene.
I imagine this very scenario is what motivated SE to make so many of these changes. In the OG, they could get away with misdirecting the audience for the first few hours of the game since the rest of the story and the reveals were already completed. The player merely had to pop in the next disc to get the real story. Such is not the case with the Remake. Had the the Remake followed the OG’s beats more closely, many players, including some who’ve never played the OG, would finish the Remake thinking that Cloud and Aerith were the intended couple. It would be years until they got the rest of the story, and at that point, the truth would feel much more like a betrayal. Like they’ve been cruelly strung along.
While they’ve gone out of their way to adapt most elements from the OG into the Remake, they’ve straight up eliminated many scenes that could be interpreted as Cloud’s romantic interest in Aerith. Instead, he seems much more interested in her knowledge as an Ancient than in her romantic affections. This is the path the Remake could be taking. Instead of Cloud being under the illusion of falling in love with Aerith, he’s under the illusion that the answer to his identity dilemma lies in Aerith’s Cetra heritage, when, of course, the answer was with Tifa all along.
Hiding Sephiroth’s existence during the Midgar arc isn’t necessary to telling the story of FF7, thus it’s been eliminated in the Remake. Similarly, pretending that Cloud and Aerith are going to end up together also isn’t necessary and would only confuse the player. Thus the LTD is no longer a part of the Remake.
If Aerith’s impact on Cloud has been diminished, what then is his arc in the Remake? Is it essentially just the same without the catalyst of Aerith? A cold guy at the start who eventually learns to care about others through the course of the game? Kind of, though arguably, this is who Remake!Cloud is all along, not just Cloud at the end of the Remake. Cloud is a guy who pretends to be a selfish jerk, but he deep down he really does care. He just doesn’t show this side of himself around people he’s unfamiliar with. So part of his arc in the Remake is opening up to the others, Barret, AVALANCHE and Aerith included, but these all span a chapter or two at most. They don’t straddle the entire game.
What is the throughline then? What is an area in which he exhibits continuous growth?
It’s Tifa. It’s his desire to fulfill his Promise to Tifa. Not just to protect her physically, but to be there for her emotionally, something that’s much harder to do. There’s the big moments like when he remembers the Promise in Ch. 4., his dramatic fist clench when he can’t stop Tifa from crying in Ch. 12, and in Ch. 13 when he watches Barret comfort Tifa. It’s all the flashbacks he has of her and the times he’s felt like he failed her. It’s the smaller moments where he can sense her nervousness and unease but the only thing he knows how to do is call her name. It’s all those times during battle, where Tifa can probably take care of herself, but Cloud has to save her because he can’t fail her again. All of this culminates in Tifa’s Resolution, where Tifa is in desperate need of comfort, and is specifically seeking Cloud’s comfort, and Cloud has no idea what to do. He hesitates because he’s clueless, because he doesn’t want to fuck it up, but finally, he makes the choice, he takes the risk, and he hugs her….and he kind of fucks it up. He hugs her too hard. Which is a great thing, because this arc isn’t anywhere close to being over. There’s still so much more to come. So many places this relationship will go.
We get a little preview of this when Tifa saves Cloud on the roof. Everything we thought we knew about their relationship has been flipped on its head. Tifa is the one saving Cloud here, near the end of this part of the Remake. Just as she will save Cloud in the Lifestream just before the end of the FF7 story as a whole. What does Tifa mean to Cloud? It’s one of the first questions posed in the Remake, and by the end, it remains unanswered.
Cloud’s character arc throughout the entire FF7 story is about his reconciling with his identity issues. This continues to develop through the Shinra Tower Chapters, but it certainly isn’t going to be resolved in Part 1 of the Remake. His character arc in the Remake — caring more about others/finding a way to finally comfort Tifa — is resolved in Ch. 14, well before rescuing Aerith, which is what makes her rescue feel so anticlimactic. The resolution of this external conflict isn’t tied to the protagonist’s emotional arc. This was not the case in the OG. I’m certainly not complaining about the change, but the Remake probably would have felt more satisfying as a whole if they hewed to the structure of the OG. Instead, it seems that SE has prioritized the clarity of the Remake series as a whole (leaving no doubt about where Cloud’s affections lie) over the effectiveness of the “climax” in the first entry of the Remake.
This is all clear if you only focus on the “story” of the Remake -- i.e., what the characters are saying and doing. If you extend your lens to the presentation of said story, and here I’m talking about who the game chooses to focus on during the scenes, how long they hold on these shots, which characters share the frame, which do not, etc --- it really could not be more obvious.
Does the camera need to linger for over 5 seconds on Cloud staring at the door after wishing Tifa goodnight? Does it need to find Cloud almost every time Tifa says or does anything so that we’re always aware of his watchfulness and the nature of his care? The answer is no until you realize this dynamic is integral to telling the story of Final Fantasy VII.
I don’t see how anyone who compares the Remake to the OG could come away from it thinking that the Remake series is going to reverse all of the work done in the OG and Compilation by having Cloud end up with Aerith.
Just because the ending seems to indicate that the events of the OG might not be set in stone, it doesn’t mean that the Remake will end with Aerith surviving and living happily ever after with Cloud. Even if Aerith does live (which again seems unlikely given the heavy foreshadowing of her death in the Remake), how do you come away from the Remake thinking that Cloud is going to choose Aerith over Tifa when SE has gone out of its way to remove scenes between Cloud and Aerith that could be interpreted as romantic? And gone out of its way to shove Cloud’s feelings for Tifa in the player’s face? The sequels would have to spend an obscene amount of time not only building Cloud and Aerith’s relationship from scratch, but also dismantling Cloud’s relationship with Tifa. It would be an absolute waste of time and resources, and there’s really no way to do so without making the characters look like assholes in the process.
Now could this happen? Sure, in the sense that literally anything could happen in the future. But in terms of outcomes that would make sense based on what’s come before, this particular scenario is about as plausible as Cloud deciding to relinquish his quest to find Sephiroth so that he can pursue his real dream of becoming at sandwich artist at Panera Bread.
It’s over! I promise!
Like you, I too cannot believe the number of words I’ve wasted on this subject. What is there left to say? The LTD doesn’t exist outside of the first disc of the OG. You'll only find evidence of SE perpetuating the LTD if you go into these stories with the assumption that 1) The LTD exists 2) it remains unanswered. But it’s not. We know that Cloud ends up with Tifa.
What the LTD has become is dissecting individual scenes and lines of dialogue, without considering the context of said things, and pretending as if the outcome is unknown and unknowable. If you took this tact to other aspects of FF7’s story, then it would be someone arguing that because there a number of scenes in the OG that seem to suggest that Meteor will successfully destroy the planet, this means that the question of whether or not our heroes save the world in the end is left ambiguous. No one does that because that would be utterly absurd. Individual moments in a story may suggest alternate outcomes to build tension, to keep us on our toes, but that doesn’t change the ending from being the ending. Our heroes stop Meteor. Cloud loves Tifa. Arguments against either should be treated with the same level of credulity (i.e., none).
It’s frustrating that the LTD, and insecurities about whether or not Cloud really loves Tifa, takes up so much oxygen in any discussion about these characters. And it’s a damn shame, because Cloud and Tifa’s relationship is so rich and expansive, and the so-called “LTD” is such a tiny sliver of that relationship, and one of the least interesting aspects. They’re wonderful because they’re just so damn normal. Unlike other Final Fantasy couples, what keeps them apart is not space and time and death, but the most human and painfully relatable emotion of all, fear. Fear that they can’t live up to the other’s expectations; fear that they might say the wrong thing. The fear that keeps them from admitting their feelings at the Water Tower, they’re finally able to overcome 7 years later in the Lifestream. They’re childhood friends but in a way they’re also strangers. Like other FF couples, we’re able to watch their entire relationship grow and unfold before our eyes. But they have such a history too, a history that we unravel with them at the same time. Every moment of their lives that SE has found worth depicting, they’ve been there for each other, even if they didn’t know it at the time. Theirs is a story that begins and ends with each other. Their is the story that makes Final Fantasy VII what it is.
If you’ve made it this far, many thanks for reading. I truly have no idea how to use this platform, so please direct any and all hatemail to my DMs at TLS, which I will then direct to the trash. (In all seriousness, I’d be happy to answer any specific questions you may have, but I feel like I’ve more than said my piece here.)
If there’s one thing you take away from this, I hope it’s to learn to ignore all the ridiculous arguments out there, and just enjoy the story that’s actually being told. It’s a good one.
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Dear Mimzy, I can't begin to tell you how happy I was to find your advice on how to write a blind or visually impaired person respectfully. Thank you so much for doing that. It was very helpful. I'm currently writing a book and I'm about to start the editing phase. I'm writing you to ask if you would consider being a beta reader of mine? I'll pay you, of course. You can write me on Instagram: mettepeleikis if you're interested. Once again thank you for your helpful blog. - Mette
PART 1/2: Mette again. Even if you're not interested in beta reading my book, I do have some questions that I haven't found the answers to on your blog. I hope you can help me by giving me your opinion on these two things. 1. The love interest of my MC loses his sight from a head trauma accident (I did read you advice against that but it's unfortunately not something I can change now) but do you consider that "victimizing your blind character" like when you mentioned rape?
PART 2/2: Gosh, I'm sorry for spamming you. Here's my second question. I never wanted to cure my blind character, but I did have in mind that a surgery could partially restore a bit of it. Just enough for him to see a bit of color. Do you think that is as bad as curing them when partially restoring his sight? Thank you so much, Mimzy. Best, Mette
Mimzy answered: I’m so happy I could help your writing process! Hearing that I help makes every day much better, especially since this is part of what I’ll be focusing on in school.
I am considering taking a few beta-reading contracts in the winter between school semesters. I am going to put a note down with your Instagram contact.
As for your first question, I recently made a post going in-depth about writing whump and using blindness for plot purposes. It has far more depth and nuance to the subject than my initial post did in 2019, largely because that was (still is) a topic I struggle to talk about.
(The following paragraph is useful advice to all writers, not just Mette)
The concern about head trauma being the cause of blindness stems more from how rare it is compared to natural causes of blindness. Glaucoma, Macular Degeneration, Cataracts, and Diabetic Retinopathy are the most common causes of vision loss. The head trauma route is also a big sign that the writer took the lazy way out of researching the cause of the character’s blindness, which suggests to the reader that the character is more of a prop than a character. The best thing you can do to avoid this sentiment, avoid inaccuracy and insensitivity, is to deeply research the specific details of the injury and how that will affect your character’s vision.
I found an article for you with a wide variety of specific injury types that can follow a traumatic brain injury. It will be a good starting point in your individual research.
What Mette is describing doesn’t sound like victimizing, at least not as I would personally define it. Victimizing would be using the character’s trauma and blindness to teach the main character some kind of lesson, very much like the trend of violently killing off female characters to push the male protagonist’s storyline.
The message a plotline like that sends to a blind reader is that how our blindness affects our loved ones is more important than how it affects us, that we’re a burden to our loved ones, and that our feelings about vision loss don’t matter because we’re a plot device for our family’s story.
Or using the character’s blindness as a way to “set up” a plan to hurt the character. An example would be the character getting kidnapped and not realizing they were being stalked because of their blindness. A good exercise to test if you’re falling into this trap would be to ask yourself “if this character was a drunk teenage girl, would this look like victim blaming?” If the answer is yes, then you need to rethink that plotline.
The message this plotline sends is that being disabled makes you an easy victim to assault, that it’s only a matter of time before it happens, that it happens because you’re disabled and that it’s somehow your fault.
It’s also a reminder of a terrifying but very real statistic of how common it is for a disabled person to be a victim of a crime. I found a webpage discussing it if you’d like to further educate yourself.
So there’s a big difference between an author exploring the trauma around sudden vision loss, and an author turning that trauma into shallow dramatics for entertainment purposes. One has the chance to make you feel seen, and the other makes you feel objectified.
Ask yourself how your story compares to what I’ve described and if/how you can do better.
To answer your last question, I’m not 100% sure. Realistically, if offered a chance to surgically improve your vision when you were in the early stages of learning to adapt, you might very well jump at the chance. Some might, but there are plenty of reasons why you might decline the surgery. It’s very likely you might develop a phobia against medical care (iatrophobia) following a traumatic medical experience, and perhaps avoid doctors and medical procedures at all costs, even if it means potentially allowing conditions to get dangerously worse before seeking help. If your story is based in America, chances are that a procedure like that will be too costly, even with insurance. Double-check medical care costs in the country the story takes place in if you’re not sure. Hearing that the surgery might risk you losing more sight with very little promise of returning your vision, especially long term, would be a big motivation to decline. Resentment against how doctors and loved ones focused on wanting to “fix you” instead of helping you adjust might be a reason to decline. (It certainly was for me, especially when the proposed solution wouldn’t completely improve my vision. This was prediagnosis) Being far enough into your recovery due to a great support system and therapy might also be a reason to decline the surgery, stating that you’re happy with life as is.
Personally, I would hate to lose my color vision. Vibrant colors make me absurdly happy. However, if I did lose my color vision and a specific surgery was proposed to possibly restore it, it’s highly unlikely I would accept for almost all of the reasons stated above.
It’s a subject that will require more than one sensitivity reader, and possibly asking people within the blind community how they feel about that. A variety of responses will help you explore the nuances of the plotline.
I always recommend @blindbeta as a sensitivity reader because I love their work discussing different blind characters in media and their advice posts.
Thank you for the positive feedback, it made my night :)
(after post notes: dear god I hope this is coherent. This was written between the hours of 1 and 2 am. Yeah, this blog is called the Late Night Writing Advice Blog for a reason. Also (@ everyone, I shared some personal feelings tonight, please treat that with respect)
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Imagine being Sirius’s daughter {Part 3}
Part one
Part two
-Remus never told you that he still believed your father was guilty, his heart was in a state of heartbreak whenever he would look at you, your eyes filled with hope that you could somehow set him free. Remus wanted so desperately to have your blind, bias belief, I mean what little girl wants to believe her dad was a spy for the enemy and was responsible for the death of most of your family, which was the only reason he couldn’t forgive Sirius for his crimes.
-You and the boys wrote each other daily during the winter break.
-On Christmas Remus surprised you with a book by Lockheart, “Everyone says he is very popular amongst the female readers.”
“He also is a fiction writer, I mean there is no way that someone with a face like his could be the smartest ravenclaw there ever was.”
-Remus chuckled at your response, and then surprised you with a trip to Hogwarts, his backpack filled with presents from you both. When you arrived in Dumbledore’s office you immediately wanted to go find Hagrid, to which the two men stated was okay, “We will meet you at his hut shortly.” Dumbledore answered as you raced from the office towards the spiral stairs.
“I know that look Remus, what is on your mind?”
“You promised me he would never get in contact with her while she was here.” His voice was low
“I did, and I have...”
“He has been writing her since she arrived Albus, and now I just had to tell my daughter that he has been writing to her constantly! I had to look my daughter in the eyes and lie to her that I believed her father was innocent. How can I believe a man who betrayed his friends, who murdered them all, almost got his own godson killed, and not once thought about his incredibly smart, talented, humble, compassionate little girl? I wanted to avoid this Albus, but it seemed I can not trust anyone but my daughter.”
“Your daughter?” Albus asked, Remus hadn’t even realized he kept calling you his daughter, normally he would just call you his niece, or by name. His eyes softened towards the headmaster as he hissed, “Well she might as well be.”
-Dumbledore reassured him that Sirius posed no real threat to you or him, “He is locked away in a cell, never to be freed again.”
-When they went to the Hut with McGonnagall, and some of the other professors, when they opened the door, they saw you sitting on the couch opposite the armchair, your coat discarded, revealing your maroon and gold stripped sweater. A mug was in between your hands, whip cream towering over the top of it as you looked at Hagrid, who was telling you a story about Bowtruckles. Your giggles filled the small space as they all filed into the room. That’s when Hagrid turned around and stood, ready to prepare hot chocolate for everyone, as Remus pushed by and sat beside you on the couch.
-The day after Christmas you went to Diagon Alley to try to find a good gift for Fred. You searched high and low, but nothing stood out to you. That was until you saw the window display of the Quality Quidditch Supplies.
“Uncle Mooney, how realistic would it be to hex my bag with the Undetectable Extension Charm?”
-Quite, why?”
“Because I think I found the gift I want to get Fred.” You answered with a smile before opening the shop door.
-One night while Remus was sipping his tea, he looked up at you, curled up at the end of the sofa, reading a book in one of your oversized sweaters, the glow of the fire illuminated your face, as your tea sat beside you, “You know who you look like right now?”
“Your niece?”
“No, you look just like your Aunt Lily. I mean she was a bookworm, intelligent witch, who was somehow involved with the pranksters of Gryffindor.”
“I’m glad.” You smiled, before Remus smiled, a ping of sadness overcoming him as he missed his friends... the only real family he ever had. You could tell he was off suddenly, and looking at him as he sipped his tea again you asked, “Uncle Mooney, tell me about your time at Hogwarts?”
-You both stayed up most of the night, chuckling at the stories he told. By the time you went to bed, the fire was down to just glowing embers, both of your teas cold, but you were happy, and that night you both slept in until noon.
-When the full moon occurred you went to Hagrid’s hut, and spent the day with him walking in the forbidden forest in the snow.
-When you left to go back to Hogwarts, you looked at your uncle on the station, “Uncle Mooney?”
“Yes Love?”
“No more secrets okay, I mean I would hope you trust me enough to tell me anything, cause I certainly trust you.”
-Of course Love.” He smiled before pulling you in for a hug, and handing you a chocolate bar, “For the journey.”
-When you found the booth that the twins and Lee were hiding in your whole face lit up, and you were quick to slip in next to Fred as they all were laughing at the story of how Fred and George turned Percy’s hair pink by adding some of their mom’s herbs to his shampoo, and how it backfired when everyone’s had turned pink.
-Once the train started to move however you smiled, “Okay, so shall we exchange?”
-In a circle you each gave your gifts one by one, Fred got Lee, Lee got George, George had gotten you, and you had gotten Fred. You decided to go in the same order you drew names, meaning Fred went first.
-Fred reached in his bag and pulled out a rectangular box, and handed it over to you, “Here, I hope you like it.”
When you opened it, you noticed the dull blue of the tissue paper, and slowly pulled it back to reveal the knitted yarn, the collar was a pastel purple color, while the rest of the sweater was a minty green, your first initial in the same pastel purple. As you held it up, you couldn’t suppress a smile, “I love it.”
-George got Lee the same present, except his was Gryffindor colors.
-Both boys were estact that you liked their gifts.
-Lee handed George a box, and when he opened it, it was filled to the brim with all different sorts of candy. However when he reached inside he withdrew a gameboy.
“The muggles use it to play video games, I figured it might be an interesting gift, and something your dad would love to learn about.”
-Once it was your turn you smiled towards Fred, “You can’t be mad.”
“How could I ever be mad at you?” He chuckled as you smiled wide, before opening your charmed bag and reaching all the way into it, the boys eyes widening as you exclaimed, “Got it.”
-The package was as neatly wrapped as it could be, the paper was a matte blue, with a green ribbon on top. Using both hands you extended it towards Fred, “I figured if you and Georgie were going to someday be real quidditch players, you might as well have a good broom.”
-When he unwrapped it, he was blown away to see the Comet 260, his hands slightly going over the wood as he admired it. However he stopped for a moment at the handle, “Why did you engrave a G in it?”
“Oh bloody hell, that one was meant for George, give me a second.” You exclaimed reaching back in to pull out another one, this time wrapped in orange paper with a yellow bow, “This one is yours Freddie, I mean I couldn’t get one brother a broom and not the other.”
“You got a present in there for me too?” Lee joked as you reached in and withdrew a box wrapped in green paper, which held a box microphone. “Of course.” However they didn’t see the second small box you withdrew, and as George and Lee admired the Gameboy, you gently tapped Fred on the leg, “Here’s one more gift, and I promise, it isn’t another broom.”
- As he opened it, he noticed it was also charmed with the Undetectable expansion charm. Reaching inside he withdrew a Jersey, which was maroon and gold, and had the snitch embroidered onto it.
“Figured you could be the most official looking player when you match up with your siblings.” You whispered
“You really didn’t have to.” He replied, tears in his eyes as you rested your chin on his shoulder, “No, but what are friends for, we are supposed to support each other’s dreams.”
-After that, you and Fred were always close, Lee used to joke that he liked hanging out with you far more than his own twin brother.
-About a month after arriving, at the feast table Albus leaned over to McGonagall, “10 Galleons says that Fred and [Y/N] are dating by their seventh year?”
“I say it will be by their fifth year.” She replied, before reaching her hand out to shake on it
-You never told the boys you knew who created the map, nor did you tell your father that George and Fred were using it to prank students and staff during the school year.
-Sirius wrote you once a week.
- You were in all the same classes as the boys, and it made it so much easier for you to help them with homework. The boys were pretty bright, however they would sometimes get carried away thinking about who to prank and how. Occasionally you would chime in, but most times you would just chuckle and shake your head.
-Percy always looked at you and asked how you could be friends with people like his younger brothers, to which you always gave a witty response. The responses would always cause Fred and George to laugh.
-One night Lee looked at you, both of the twins were running late to dinner, meaning it was just you and Lee for a while. Knowing that the food would disappear probably before the boys made it to the Great Hall, you made a plate for both boys, and made sure to grab an extra pudding for Fred.
“You never get me an extra pudding?” Lee faked whined as you raised an eyebrow, “Lee, I literally gave you my pudding yesterday.” 
-When the boys arrived Fred sat across from you, and smiled, “No way, you snagged me an extra pudding.”
“What are friends for?” You smiled as George looked at his plate, which you had put extra turkey on for him, a smile on his face as he looked at his friends.
“You know something, we should all get together this summer.” George suggested, as you raised an eyebrow, “George it’s only March.”
“Yeah, and school ends soon. Then we have to go 3 months without seeing each other. We could ask our mum, I am sure you all could stay in our room.”
“My parents would probably be okay with that, what about you [Y/N]?”
“I’m sure it would be okay, I can ask him.” You let it slip, as they all looked towards you.
“Don’t you mean them?” George asked
“Um..... no. I ummmm live with my uncle.” You answered, you had never told them you didn’t have a mom, or that your father was in Azkaban on a false charge, or that your uncle who you lived with was a werewolf.”
-The boys went silent, and after several seconds, they began their regular banter.
-The next day you wrote Remus, and asked what he would think about you spending some time with the Weasleys at the burrow. He replied within the week and said it would be fine with him, as long as you never returned on a full moon, or the day after.
-When George and Fred asked their parents, Arthur expressed some concern to Molly in private, “I mean how do we know we can trust her, what if she is just like her father?”
“She is just a little girl Art, besides she has basically lived with Remus her whole life. He would never let her grow up to be a monster. Let’s just give her a chance, besides the boys will be heartbroken if we say Lee can come and not [Y/N].”
- The first time you went to the Burrow, you used Floo powder to get there, your eyes widened as you took in the scenery. Everything about the burrow looked homey, and you were fascinated by the use of magic throughout the home. The needle moving to create a sweater, the sponge moving itself in a circular motion on the dishes, the stove turning itself off as the kettle whistled, the broom sweeping into the dust pan, as the mop followed behind. The dry dishes putting themselves away, as you exited the mantle.
-Molly rounded the corner as you stepped out, her round face dressed with a smile as she extended her arms, “You must be [Y/N], it is so nice to finally meet you my dear.” She quickly advanced towards you as she wrapped you in a hug, “I hope you got here alright.”
“Of course Mrs. Weasley, thank you so much for allowing me to stay for a while in your lovely home.”
“Of course my dear, and no need for formality here, Molly is fine.” She smiled, before calling, “Boys! [Y/N] is here!”
-You couldn’t help but smile as 3 pairs of feet came raising down the stairs, and tackled you onto the couch. The room erupting into a fit of laughter as the boys all dog piled you, and as they stood up (After Molly telling them to), Fred reached out to help you up.
-You slept in the twins room, the boys had made up two cots for you and Lee. Your cot was closer to Fred’s bed. Most nights after the rest of the house had fallen asleep, you and the boys would stay up quietly giggling at future pranks.
-Ron and Ginny loved having you around, whenever they would try to hang out with their two older brothers they would say that they were busy with their friends, yet you would say, “If you want we can do something, who needs these losers anyway to have fun.”
-You always offered to help Molly with the chores, and some nights you even convinced the boys to help.
-One night while you were doing chores with Molly, she leaned over, “I never thanked you by the way.”
“For what?”
“Fred and George were so excited when they got home, they wanted to show us the new brooms they had written us so much about. I know it is just a material object, but most people don’t know that the boys are skilled quidditch players. They just see the jokes, and the pranks, which leads them to get labeled as the general prankster. I can’t tell you how many times the boys have gotten rubber chickens, and whoopie cushions, or little fireworks. You actually showed that you listen to them, and that is all a mother can ask of her children’s friends.”
“No problem Molly, they are wonderful boys.” You smiled, as Ginny raced into the kitchen, “Hey [Y/N], do you think we can have a girls night?”
“Of course.” You smiled.
-You always helped with the twin’s chores, which Molly thought was wonderful.
-You hated weeding the garden though, so you would just lay in the grass and read while the boys labored in the dirt.
-You were only supposed to stay for two weeks, however you ended up staying for a whole month. Lee left after the two weeks though.
-Whenever they would play quidditch in the garden George was insistent on having you on their team, you were an okay player. Whenever you all had some free time between chores, Fred and George would teach you how to play, helping you learn strategies.
-When you went home each of the Weasleys gave you a hug, Molly of course looked at you and smiled, “Now don’t be a stranger, you are welcome anytime.”
“Really, if you don’t mind me asking, may I come stay August 6th?”
“That’s next week?” George replied, his tone questioning as you smiled, it wouldn’t be for too long, just a day or two, my Uncle is going to be out of town for those days. I didn’t want to spend the day alone.”
“Of course Love, whatever you need.” Arthur smiled, his whole attitude towards you altered after your first visit to the burrow.
-After that visit, you spent all the full moons at the Burrow. None of them ever asked why you always stayed on full moons, nor did the professors ask why you stopped coming to Hogwarts.
-Remus hated when you were away, the cabin was so quiet, but he couldn’t stop you. He knew your father was the same way during summer breaks so he could only imagine it was the Black genes in you. You however always came back with a smile plastered on your face, and spent the week telling him all about what you did.
-When you went shopping for your supplies for your second year, Molly and Arthur invited you and Remus to join them, which you eagerly agreed to.
-The plan was to meet at the Burrow, as soon as the twins heard the sound of an Apparition spell, they were out the door. Immediately they had you wrapped in a hug, your arms hanging around both of their necks as they gripped you tightly. Pulling away they then looked at Remus.
“You must be Mister Lupin, pleasure to see you again sir.” They both said at the same time, hands rocketing out for a handshake. He just looked at the pair and replied, “And you must be George,” he pointed to George, “And Fred.” He pointed to Fred before reaching out and shaking both of their hands.
“Blimey, not even our own mum can tell us apart like that.” George joked as you immediately piped up, “Your mum can tell you apart just fine, it is just the two of you that like to switch identities to see if anyone will notice.”
-Next out the door was Ron, his kind of grown out red mop blowing in the wind as he raced over and into your arms, “I missed you.”
“I missed you too kid.”
-Fred and George rolled their eyes at the interaction, both of them had figured out during your first stay that Ron had developed some little crush on you, Remus of course saw the eye rolls and whispered, “Now don’t tell me you never had a crush on one of your brother’s friends when you were his age?”
-while all the kids raced around the yard before going, Remus talked with Arthur and Molly. Of course the awkward subject came up, “So does she know...”
“Yes, she knows exactly what her father did, and as much as I hate it, she believes he was framed. However we don’t discuss the topic of her father unless absolutely necessary. I would hope the same is being done here.”
“Of course Remus.” Molly replied, shooting Arthur a disapproving look, “Our kids don’t know anything about him, and I doubt she has told any of them.”
“I mean Fred and George might know, seeing how close they are.” Athur piped up, but Remus just looked at him, “No they don’t, she would never risk losing your boys. I dare say she would protect them with her life if she had too.”
“Just as her father was supposed to?” The response was automatic, Arthur hadn’t even thought of it when it slipped out, and he immediately regretted it, whispering an apology as Remus shot him a disapproving look, as Molly gave him the look of death. However all Remus replied with was, “She is nothing like her father.”
- The twins and you wanted ventured out on your own as soon as you arrived to Diagon Alley, Remus chuckling as you looked at him quickly, “You can join us if you like.”
“Are you sure darling, I would hate to spoil your fun?” He replied as George laughed
“Nonsense Mr. Lupin, [Y/N] tells us you were quite the prankster when you were our age, we would love to hear more about it. Maybe get some ideas.” Fred smiled, as Remus looked towards the ground, a ping of sadness entering his heart as he chuckled, “Now Fred, I was not the prankster of the group, that title was held by [Y/N]’s father, and her Uncle James.”
-After going to a few shops looking for supplies, the four of you all went to Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour, and got some ice cream. As you sat at the table Fred and George asked Remus what it was like when he was at Hogwarts. As you licked your cone you couldn’t help but chuckle as Remus’s face lit up, telling Jame’s and Sirius’s prank stories to the twins.
-Their personal favorite was when Sirius and James had discovered a new muggle song, and somehow disguised a boom box in the Great Hall, and turned it to Maximum volume. The entire day the Hall was filled with Don’t Go Breaking my Heart by Thin Lizzy, on a loop. They earned two days of detention with Flich, in which he had them polish all of the trophies in case.
-At one point while you were shopping, Fred picked up a flower on the side of the road, and paid 15 Sickles for it, he then walked up beside you and leaned over, “Figured you might like this.”
“You bought me a Garden Rose, is it bewitched?”
“Course not, can’t a boy just buy his best friend a pretty flower?” He smiled as you cautiously took it from him, and thanked him.
-Remus was watching you both from a distance, and smiled as he thought of his niece falling in love, and was hopeful that it was at least with one of the Weasley boys.
-When it was time to part ways Fred asked Remus, “Sir, do you mind if one day, George and I come over, and stay for a week? We would love to see what your home looks like, and to hear more stories?”
“Unfortunately boys, I don’t think that is possible, however I would be more than happy to come to the burrow whenever you want to tell you more.”
-Remus didn’t know how to explain the scratches that were randomly scattered along the interior and exterior of the cottage.
-When you got home, Remus looked at you with a smile, “I like those two.”
“I knew you would.” You smiled, as you put your bags down, and dropped your garden rose into a vase.
-You sent your father letters all about the Weasley twins, and told him how they looked up to him and Uncle Prongs after Remus shared their stories. You had no idea how much it meant to him that Remus was still talking about him.
-When it was time for you all to go back, Remus stood on the platform with you, “Now don’t let those boys rope you into any pranks that will get you expelled.”
“Course Uncle Mooney.” You replied, before wrapping him into a hug. As you pulled away you saw two tuffs of red hair race over, “Come on [Y/N], Lee’s already on the train saving us a booth.” George whined as they both grabbed your hands and led you away, while shouting, “Good to see you Mr. Lupin.”
-When you started your second year you noticed you were in all the opposite classes as the boys. Your smile dropping as you tried to envision classes without your best friends.
-That first night in the common room the four of you all sat around in the corner, the moonlight pouring into the window as you watched Lee and Fred compet in a game of Wizards Chess, George scribbling down prank ideas. Finally he looked at you, “How do you think we can pull off your father’s prank?”
“What?”
“You know the one where they blasted muggle music throughout the Great Hall?”
“Don’t you think that will be too odvious, I mean the only people who would know about that would be [Y/N], we would be had for sure.” Lee replied, before saying, “Pawn to E6.”
“Besides, I think we can pull off far better pranks then my dad and his friends, I mean you two are the Weasley Twins, greatest pranksters to ever attend Hogwarts.” You smiled as Fred slightly blushed.
-Lee and George both noticed how Fred blushed, and when you went to bed that night both of them looked at him, “Okay, spit it out.”
“Spit out what Lee?” He asked confused.
“Do you have a crush on our very own Miss Black?” George asked, as Fred began to stutter, causing both boys to smile.
“Blimey Fred, why don’t you just tell her then.”
“It’s not that simple Georgie, I mean... what if she doesn’t feel the same, how will that affect the group. We can’t lose her, she is the brains behind a quarter of these pranks.”
-The rest of the term you helped the boys with all of their schoolwork, as normal.
-You were the top of your class, all the professors were proud of your work, even Snape.
-Most nights you and the boys would end up sitting at the table in the corner, or on the love seats that were against one of the farthest walls. Whenever you were on the loveseats, Lee and George would make sure you and Fred were on the same sofa, and whenever you’ll would sit at the table they would arrange the seats so that you were also next to Fred. You didn’t think anything of it, but Fred knew what they were trying to do, and he would always just stare at them with dirty looks when you weren’t looking.
-When they tried out for the Quidditch team, you were sitting in the stands, your scarf and hat on as you watched them prove their skills, your applause Louder than everyone else’s as you cheered them on.
-When George and Fred made the Quidditch team, you were the first person to congratulate them, a huge smile on your face as you leapt into Fred’s arms, as he twirled you around. Then you went to hug George, and looked at them both, “I am so bloody proud of you.”
-Hagrid sat with you at every game, and afterwards you would go to the hut with him and share a cup of tea.
-Remus wrote you often, and told you about the woods, and the lilies. However he wasn’t a fan of how quiet it was, and often found himself playing music throughout the cabin. The records that he had were classics that he had collected over the years, but he always found himself gravitating towards the small collection of records that Lily had given him. They were some of her favorites, and he had given him a few copies of them once they were out of school. The genre of them varied.
-Every once and a while however his fingers would find the section of records that were not his... they belonged to Sirius. He had taken them when he went to the house to collect your things, he wasn’t sure why he had the urge to take them from the house with your stuff, but he didn’t feel right leaving the house without them. He would take the vinyl disk out of the sleeve and spin it between his fingers a few times before placing it on the player, his body slumping into the armchair after putting the needle on. His eyes would shut as he put his fingers to his temple, the familiar melodies filling the space as he remembered the days he would go to Sirius’s flat and he would be blasting the record player. Most times you were resting on his hip, a huge smile on your face as he twirled you around and danced to the beat. Your giggles almost drowned out by the guitars, and drums. As Remus listened to them, tears would normally slid down his cheeks, as he thought to himself, “Why Pads, why did you do it?”
-Before leaving for Christmas break, you did the secret Santa again, this time you drew Lee’s name.
-That Christmas break you went to the cabin, and stayed with Remus the whole time, both of you just enjoying the comfort of being together. He would sometimes find himself chuckling as you sat at the dining room table and wrote letters to the boys, and your father.
-You were laughing when on Christmas Day you found a present under the tree addressed to you from the Weasleys. You opened it to find that you once again had received a Christmas sweater, this time it was purple and blue, there was a note attached that read, “You might as well be part of the family.”
-On the last night you and Remus were sitting in the living room, the fire roaring as you looked toward Remus, “Uncle Mooney?”
“Yes love.”
“Do you ever wonder how Harry is?” This wasn’t the first time you had asked about Harry, but this was the first time in a while. Your head was resting on your knees as he spoke, “I am sure Harry is just fine, I am sure he is sitting at his Aunt Petunia’s right now surrounded by all his presents, and is filled with fmdread that school is going to start back up.”
“I hope so.” You answered with a smile. You had no idea though that Remus was slightly filled with doubt. Every time he would think about Harry, he would remember what James used to tell him about Petunia Evans, and how she was a arrogant, closed minded bitch when it came to anything in her sister’s life.
-When you got on the train you were excited to see the three boys, all of them wearing their Weasley sweaters. George laughing as he looked towards you, “I love that we are all matching, it’s almost like we planned this.”
“Too bad we didn’t.” Fred barked, as you plopped down next to Lee, your back leaning against the wall of the booth as you put your legs over his lap. His arms laying over your legs as you spoke to the twins across from you both.
-Finally after swapping stories of the break Lee smiled, “Time for secret Santa?”
“Course it is, I’ll go first.” George replied, as he reached into his bag and withdrew a small box, thrusting it towards Fred, “Here you go Fred.”
“You got me?” He asked, taking the box in hand, “You told me that you had gotten Lee.”
“What was I supposed to do, tell you that I drew your name out of the hat and that I bought you your present right in front of you. That would ruin the whole tradition.” George replied as you smiled, “He has a point Freddie.”
-When Fred opened the box he was greeted by a whole box full of dungbombs. He chuckled as he carefully removed one and whispered, “Wicked.”
-Next was Lee, who handed a gift towards George, “I can’t top the gift [Y/N] got you last year, but I sure as hell can try.”
-In the box was a Gryffindor colored Hackey Sack which George twirled between his fingers, “What is it?”
“You kick it, when we get to Hogwarts I can show you how to play with it.” Lee smiled as you reached into your bag and withdrew a box, the boys all chuckling at the fact that your bag was still charmed from last Christmas. “Here Lee, just promise me you won’t use it to blow us up.”
“I promise, however are you trying to tell me you bought me a bomb?”
“You’re just gonna have to open it to find out.” You smiled as he tore the paper slightly and revealed that logo of Dr Filibuster's Fabulous Wet-Start, No-Heat Fireworks. “No way.” Lee gasped as you smiled.
“Figured we could light it off down by the lake.” You replied as Fred pulled a rectangular, brightly wrapped present out of his bag, the ribbon on top of it still in tact as he placed it on his lap. Your eyes still on Lee, he was taking in the smallest details of your face, and watching how the fluorescent lighting in the booth made your eyes twinkle slightly. After a few minutes though he noticed you had looked towards him, a smile plastered on your face as you asked, “So guess that just leaves you Freddie.”
“Ummm yeah.” He answered, looking down quickly, before sticking his hand out towards you, the present grasped tightly between his fingers as he said, “Looks like I got you again.”
-You carefully unwrapped the paper, and smiled as you revealed the limited edition cover of Fantastic Beast and Where to Find Them. You smiled wide as you looked up, “Fred, I love it.” You smiled as you slowly opened it and looked at the updated drawings.
-You spent the rest of the train ride reading, while the boys groaned about going back to class.
-When you went to get off you were walking beside Fred, and bumped your shoulder into his, “Thank you again, I really do love it.”
“I’m glad.” He smiled
- After a month back at Hogwarts you found yourself sitting in the common room, and heard the portrait open, the room filled with the giggles of the three boys you valued, your eyes raising from your parchmentad you looked at them. “What did you do?”
“We may have just set off a bunch of dungbombs in Snape’s classroom.” George gasped while trying to maintain his composure.
“Oh bloody hell.” You sighed, “he is going to assign your class extra homework now you know?”
“Worth it.” Lee replied as Fred flopped down on the couch next to you, and added, “Besides he will have no clue who did it.”
“You really think he won’t put it together?” You asked, your eyes meeting his as he answered, “Nope.”
-The next day they came in with a groan, and looked at you, “Want to help us with our Potions homework?”
“He figured it out, didn’t he?” You smiled, your eyes never leaving your book as George groaned, “Yup.”
“Told you.” You responded, as the three boys flopped around you.
-You used to sit in your dormitory with the Marauders Map, and study it for hours, watching as the little footsteps moved across the parchment. It made you feel closer to the Marauders.
-You alternated which spare jersey you wore to the games, since George and Fred had both given you their spares to wear.
-Towards the end of the year you found yourself helping the boys more with the pranks, which they loved because you were always telling them how not to get caught.
-At the end of the year you went straight to the Burrow, since it was a full moon. You smiled walking into the Burrow, a sense of home washing over you as Ron raced into the kitchen, and looked at you, “Bloody hell, I am starting Hogwarts this year, where did the year go?”
-And that’s when it hit you... Harry Potter was starting at Hogwarts next term.
-When you went back to the cabin you closed the door and slowly slid down it, the sounds of your father’s records filling the space as Remus sat in the armchair. Your trunk abandoned next to you as you leaned your head back, your thoughts filled with the idea of Harry coming to Hogwarts. You wondered if he knew who you and Remus were, or if you were long forgotten. You wondered if he knew about your father, you were sure he would have, even if he lived with muggles. Would he judge you? Would he be angry at you for your father’s false crimes?
-Remus turned in the chair, and watched you sit there, knowing that the wheels were turning in your head. Finally after five minutes he rose slowly as turned the music down, before making his way towards you and kneeling in front of you, “Would you like to go out tonight?”
“Where?”
“Anywhere you want my love.”
-You chose Hogwarts, and you ended up sitting in Dumbledore’s office with Remus, Hagrid, Dumbledore, and McGonagall. You were all smiles and laughing as you listened to them share stories.
-That summer you spent another month at the Burrow, most days you would lay in the sun with the Twins, and discuss possibly opening a joke shop in the future, which was the twin’s dream.
-Molly always told you that you didn’t have to help with chores, however you would always smile and reply, “You really think Freddie and Georgie will do chores if I don’t help.”
-Sometimes at night you and the boys would lay out in the grass and look at the stars, the cool summer air breezing over your forms as you all laid with your heads pointed towards each other. A few times you had fallen asleep while you all were out there, which resulted in Fred carrying you upstairs to your cot. George would always trail behind, slightly chuckling as he wondered when you and his older brother would get together finally.
-Ginny and you would sometimes sit in the couch and just talk, or you would braid her long, ginger hair. Ron would occasionally join as well but Ginny always looked at him and snapped, “Piss off, she doesn’t like you like that.”
-One day while you brushed her hair she asked you if you could ever see yourself dating one of her brothers. You smiled and replied, “Who knows, maybe one day I will, however that is probably going to be the day that I lose all my sanity.”
-On your last night there, you and the twins snuck out to the roof, and sat out there for hours. However at one point George went inside to pee, leaving you and Fred alone.
“Hey.” His voice was quiet as you looked towards him, the wind picking up a strand of your hair as you smeirked, “Hey.”
“I want to ask you something, but I don’t want it to make things awkward between us.”
Your heart rate escalated, and your palms became sweaty, you were hoping he would finally ask you out, “Nothing you ask me would make stuff awkward Freddie.”
He scooted closer to you, maintaining eye contact as he did, soon you were shoulder to shoulder as he took a deep breath.
“You gonna ask me, or should I wait for tomorrow?” You teased as he let out a chuckle.
“No.” He looked at his hands, which were entangling in each other, and then back at you, his eyes glassy as he whispered, “Why do you live with Mr. Lupin?”
“What?”
“Like what happened to your parents?”
“Well... my mom didn’t tell my dad at first that she was pregnant. He didn’t find out I even existed until I was 6 months old, when she dropped me off at his flat and disappeared. I was starting to display accidental magic, and she freaked out because she was a muggle. I lived with my dad until November of 1981, that’s when I moved in with Uncle Lupin. My dad, ummm, got arrested on false charges.”
“What were they?”
“Murder, and everyone also pinned him as a death eater. He didn’t do anything though.”
“So your father is in...”
“Azkaban.....” you were silent for a second, before looking up towards the stars, “Yeah, he is.”
-There was silence between you and Fred, neither one sure what to say, until his hand slowly glided towards your leg, and he gently placed it down on your thigh, “We don’t have to talk about it again, I just wanted to know.”
“It’s fine Freddie, really.” You replied, before leaning over and resting your head in his shoulder, your eyes closing as you took a deep breath of the summer air, wishing that life could have been slightly different.
Part Four
Part Five
#harry potter imagine#harry potter fanfic#harry potter fanfiction#harry potter imagines#harry potter one shot#harry potter one shots#harry potter oneshot#hp imagine#hp fanfic#hp fanfiction#hp oneshot#hp one shot#hp imagines
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Learning to Love (Preath x Adopted Teen!Reader)
Request: could you do something where christen and Tobin adopt teenage r whose been through a lot and shows her how to accept love or something fluffy and angsty like that
Pt 2
Author’s Note: So this was really difficult for me to write for some reason. it’s also super long, but I wanted to include several learning moments. I’m going to put a warning on this for mentions of abuse, but nothing graphic. I hope you enjoy this! Send me Requests, Questions, or if you just wanna say Hi! Let me know what you think, your comments mean the world to me.
You woke with a start, a cold sweat covering your entire body, your breathing heavy, and your brain trying to remember where you were. You clutched at the old hoodie you were wearing, pulling the collar to your nose and breathing in Tobin’s soothing scent.
You had stolen the Thorns sweater awhile ago and never given it back. You found comfort in one of the several items that had become your own the 8 months that you had been with the women.
You had immediately clicked with Tobin. Her overall laid back demeanor had set you at ease. Your mutual love of art always gave you talking points, whenever you actually felt like talking. But she never pushed, she was just as comfortable in silence as she was when you were conversing about art.
It had taken you a little longer to become comfortable around Christen. She was the observant one. The one who always knew when you weren’t telling them the whole truth. The one who always pressed you to explain why you felt the way that you did, and at first that had unnerved you. She wasn’t pushy, but she had a way of getting you to open up that terrified you.
You were like Tobin in the fact that you were never very good with words. You didn’t know how to articulate your feelings verbally, and the more… positive emotions confused you. Your parents had both been drug addicts, more interested in their respective highs than your actual wellbeing, or teaching you what affection was. You had only been removed from the home after your mother had tried to sell you to an undercover cop in exchange for drugs. You had spent the next 10 years bouncing around through the foster system, with each home only building on the scars that the last had left behind.
Then by some miracle, you had met Christen and Tobin, who seemed determined to teach you about the happier emotions. The emotions that you didn’t understand. Hell, you had nearly jumped out of your skin the first time one of them tried to touch you. The going was slow, but it wasn’t in their nature to give up.
You glanced at the clock, sighing at the blinking 4:40 that you found there. It was too early to be up, but you didn’t know if you could go back to sleep after your dream (memory?). You sighed, sliding out of bed and heading for the one room in the apartment that you knew could help you. The room that both women had made sure you knew was open 24/7 the moment they found out about your propensity for art.
You were so engrossed in your project that you didn’t hear the door to Tobin’s studio open. She looked you over from the door, watching as you traced one of her canvases with a dark charcoal color. The painting before you was striking. A perfect rendition of a man's face over a cowering form. The only happy portion of the canvass was a warm red in the distance.
“Hey kid, what ya up to?” She asked quietly, don’t her best not to startle you. You jumped anyway, dropping the paintbrush with a loud crash.
“I’m sorry I- I-I didn’t…” you stuttered turning to face her, your cheeks very red. She held up a hand to stop you. She wanted to say that this response was unusual, but it wasn’t. Your go-to was to immediately apologize for whatever.
“Slow down kid, we told you that you could use this room whenever you wanted,” She soothed, moving to stand beside you and rubbing soothing circles on your back. Your shoulders relaxed, and your gaze returned to your masterpiece.
“Okay,” You breathed out.
“It’s really good,” She said in awe, taking in the detail of the piece. Your lips twitched up slightly, and Tobin was glad you didn’t try and fight her on it. You weren’t used to complements without strings, and they were still teaching you to accept them.
“Thanks, I couldn’t get it out of my head,” You mumbled, biting your lip, shaking your head slightly. You ran a hand through your hair, and Tobin resisted the urge to laugh when a red paint line followed the path of your hand.
“Nightmare?” She questioned as casually as she could. Yes, she had read your file, but she wanted to hear about your experiences from you when you were ready. So far the only thing you had told them was that the man you kept drawing was father number 4.
“Mmm,” You hummed back, tilting your head to the side.
“You know you can always come to get me or Chris if you’re too scared to go back to sleep,” Tobin asked for what probably was the millionth time. You gave her a slight nod. People always said that but the moment you started asking for things, the moment you became more work than what you were worth, they would throw you away.
There was a beat of silence between the two of you, and you felt the urge to finally tell her more about the painting. About why he was always so much bigger than you. You opened and closed your mouth a few times, trying to find the right words. Tobin shot you an encouraging smile.
“Hey, you two breakfast-“Christen’s voice called out before you could divulge any secretes, before cutting itself off “whoa baby this is fantastic,” She said the second she saw the painting.
You pulled your lips into a tight line and nodded your thanks, grabbing her hand and pulling her into a hug. You buried your face in her shoulder, taking in gulps of her scent, allowing it to soothe you. She wound her arms tighter around you, running careful fingers through your hair.
You had taken a long time to warm up to her, but you loved her cuddles, and this was a typical good morning gesture after a hard night.
“Can I ask you a question?” Christen questioned softly, her and Tobin’s hands running circles on you back.
“Hmmm,” was your only response to her, not willing to leave your new favorite hiding spot yet.
“You’ve told us about this part, but what’s this?” She asked, pointing to the bright spot that was a new addition to the image the women had become very familiar with. You had known this part was coming. It was part of your therapy, to explain some parts of the painting to them. It was difficult, but in the end, it helped. It made everything a little less scary.
You but your lip in thought. Truth be told, you weren’t sure what the bright light was.
“It’s-, I’m always trying to get to it. I know that whatever’s behind the door is… safe? That’s not the word, it’s more than that it’s… I don’t know how to explain it,” you stuttered out, furrowing your eyebrows in concentration. You were good at naming the negative emotions, but oftentimes the happy ones evaded you.“I don’t know what’s behind it, only that I need it,”
“That’s ok baby, wanna come eat some pancakes?” Christen sent you a blinding smile, and Tobin Laughed as your face lit up. You loved pancakes.
“Can I finish it?” You asked hesitantly. You hated leaving things half-done.
“Yeah baby, come find us when you’re done,” Tobin nodded, patting your back before they both took their leave.
You watched them go. You couldn’t put your finger on it, but you knew they cared for you in a way you had never experienced before.
****
Camp was an… experience, and meeting so many new people was frightening, but Tobin and Christen had kept their promise to always protect you. The team had been understanding about your aversion to touch and never pressured you to join in their shenanigans. They also gave you more people to draw.
You sighed leaning back against the bench that was acting as your backrest, pulling your knees closer to your chest and digging your feet into the grass of the practice field. You rested the black sketchbook that had always been your companion on your knees, bringing it closer to your face. You held your pencil between your teeth, your eyes flicking between the fine lines sketched on the page and the two women who were depicted. You were sure that the realistic picture was almost done, but something was missing. Something you couldn’t put your finger on.
“What ya go there kiddo,” Christen asked, stopping several feet away from you and gesturing to the space beside you. You sent her a careful nod, and she sat down a few feet away from you on the turf.
That was one thing that you appreciated about the women, they always came down to your level to make you feel more comfortable.
“It’s Becky and Alyssa, but something’s not right,” You mumbled, scooting closer to the woman, who smiled softly at you.
“I’m not a sketch artist, but I could check it out if you want,” She offered, bringing her hand up to rub your back. Her smile widened when you didn’t immediately flinch away at the contact.
It was a slow process, but little by little they were showing you how nice human touch could be. You loved morning cuddles, but you only liked touches that you initiated. You bit your lip in thought and sent the woman a very tiny nod, before carefully sliding over the book. A small gasp left her lips when eyes landed in the pencil sketch.
“This is incredible,” Christen said in awe, her fingers running lightly over the near-perfect replicas of her teammates. You shrugged, your eyebrows furrowing.
“Something’s missing, but I don’t know what. Like it doesn’t feel right,” You murmured, glaring at the sketch in frustration. The picture was missing the key element that would make it come to life on the page. You didn’t know what it was, so how could you add it?
Christen glanced up at you. You rested your chin on your knees, hugging your legs, knowing that there would be no way of completely getting out of this conversation. You didn’t typically bring up your feelings, and Christen wasn’t one to let that go.
“Why doesn’t it feel right?” She questioned softly, bringing her hand up to gently smooth out the wrinkles in your forehead, and run her thumb down your cheek. You sighed and tilted your head into her hand just slightly.
“It’s just…” you stuttered, trying to find the words to describe the women. It wasn’t just one thing. It was how their bodies always seemed connected, even from across the field. How their eyes always seemed to be on each other. How they touched each other with such care. “The way they’re so… drawn to each other.” You finished after a few seconds, shaking your head. It was so much more than that. It was an extremely deep connection that went beyond simple care. “I don’t understand how…” You trailed off, pinching your space between your eyes.
Your sketch was missing the connection between the two. The ease they clearly felt with each other. The amount they… cared.
“They love each other,” Christen responded gently, watching your reaction very carefully. Your lips formed an even tighter line. Your childhood had shown you that love didn’t exist, but the thing between the women was so defined. So alive and vivid. Could it be love?
“Hmm,” you hummed, pulling the book back towards you, scratching behind your ear. Maybe it was love.
Tobin watched you from afar, her lips quirking up at how well you were doing with Chris.
“She’s a little shy, but she seems to be doing ok with all of us,” Ash mumbled, standing beside her and watching your interaction.
“Kid has had it rough,” Tobin husked out. How someone could treat a child the way you were treated, she would never understand. Hell, you had been removed from one of the foster homes for suspected poisoning, and you were petrified to eat anything you didn’t open yourself. Your file was as almost as tall as a toddler, and she wondered how you had slipped through the system for so long.
“We don’t doubt that,” Ali said gently, rubbing Tobin’s shoulder in a soothing fashions
“She seems pretty close to Chris though,” Ashlyn smiled when you leaned into Christen’s hand, the comfort you took from the contact obvious from the look on your face.
“Sometimes,” Tobin shrugged. It was odd. There were moments where you were completely open with them, and then two seconds later you would throw all your wall up again.
“She draws a lot,” Kelley pointed out, joining the three women in their observation of you.
“It’s the only way she knows how to express herself,” Tobin hummed shrugging.
“That’s not surprising,” Kelley said, and all the women turned to look at her.
“she was probably punished for showing any emotions at all,” Ash added with a thoughtful look on her face, and Tobin nodded. She had seen the scars, both physical and mental. Though you hadn’t unpacked them all with them, it would be impossible to hide the marks that would be with you for the rest of your life. It was also something your therapist had told them both in the beginning.
“All I know is that it gives us a way to start that conversation without making her too uncomfortable” Tobin shrugged. It was true, you wouldn’t tell them what was bothering you until it was drawn on a page. It was your process and that was ok. They were showing you that feelings were ok. “She’s come a hell of a long way,”
****
Your eyes traced the faces sketched upon the page, your eyebrows furrowing because there was something yet again missing. Your dinner sat untouched on the plate in front of you, as you were far too focused on your drawing of the two blond women.
You felt the presence behind you before you saw her, and you didn’t mind. Yes, Emily was a little hyper, but she was funny and sweet, and you had known her and Lindsey longer than you had known most of the other women. You had gotten to know them on the many times you had accompanied you m-. Tobin. The many times you had accompanied Tobin to practice. The same went for Kelley.
“Holy shit! Tobs was right, you do have some skill!” She exclaimed, placing two hands on your shoulders. You jumped at the contact, squeezing your eyes shut, dropping your sketchbook on the table with a thump. The noise lost in the general chatter in the room (though Tobin and Christen did send you a worried look from where they were talking with Alex and Kelley.)
“Disonny, remember we had this talk?” Lindsey said as she appeared on your other side, sending Emily a disdainful look. The women knew that you didn’t like surprise touches, it was one of the many rules that Tobin and Chris had given them.
“Oh, right. Sorry kid. But like that drawing is fire,” Emily jumped back quickly, sending you a regretful look. She pointed to the chairs next to you, and you nodded with a small smile.
“It’s not right…” You murmured, returning your attention to the drawing, biting your lip.
“What do you mean, it looks just like us?” Lindsey asked, leaning forward to get a better look at the picture of her and Emily. You had drawn it during the tactics meeting. There was just something about the way Lindsey’s hand was placed in Emily’s back, and how Emily was watching her instead of Vlatko that had been irresistible to you.
“It’s missing something,” You grumbled shaking your head. You missed the glance that the two women shared. They knew that Chris and Tobin were trying to teach you to open up about your feelings.
“Like what?” Lindsey asked carefully. Placing a gentle hand on your back and rubbing soothing circles like she had seen Christen do about a million times.
“It’s something about the eyes. They get this glint when you look at each other,” You said, turning to the two women. Your hands moved animatedly as you tried to explain the thing that you knew was missing. The thing that you didn’t have a name for, but you could see clear as day. The thing that you just couldn’t capture on paper.
“It’s because we love each other,” Emily explained as gently as she could, and you tensed. As far as you were concerned, love was a myth. A thing people used to give others hope or to justify their despicable actions. Dads 3 and 9 had proved that to you with their twisted definitions, and all of the families that had packed you up and shipped you off had destroyed any understanding of the concept. To think that someone would have such a deep level of care for another, only expecting the same in return was mind-boggling to you.
“Love doesn’t exist,” You huffed, turning away from Emily’s kind eyes, and running a frustrated hand through your hair. The women resisted the urge to sigh. This wasn’t an uncommon occupancy, but your absolute denial was still a little disheartening, as everyone was doing their damndest to show you differently.
“You’re allowed to feel that way, but I’m going to disagree with you,” Lindsey murmured, carefully untangling your hand from your hair and holding it in her own. You tended to take out your frustrations on yourself. A habit, among many others, that the women were working to break.
“How do you know you love her and not something else?” You questioned, staring at the two women. The let your challenging tone roll off of them. They knew you had some deep-seated beliefs and that it took time to change them.
“I care for Lindsey so deeply that I would do anything for her,” Emily started, grabbing her girlfriends hand and looking at her with so much devotion it almost took your breath away.
“I always want to be around Emily. I want to protect her and make her feel better when she’s sad,” Lindsey finished, an equally adoring glint in her eyes. What you would give to be able to capture those looks perfectly on paper. Do be able to do that look justice.
“I don’t, I just-,” You stuttered, your eyebrows furrowing. You opened and closed your mouth a few times, trying to figure out what you were trying to say. Tobin and Christen were always trying to make you feel welcome to make you feel better. Could that be what they meant? “She makes you feel safe?” You asked hesitantly.
“The safest I’ve ever felt,” Lindsey said solemnly, and Emily nodded her agreement. You glanced over to the table where Christen was sending you a questioning smile. You smiled back.
Lindsey and Emily shared another look, realizing that your doubts about love had nothing to do with them, but were instead about how you were feeling about your moms.
“That’s how they make me feel,” You mumbled, looking down, almost ashamed. Tobin and Christen had done nothing but try and get you to open up to them. To make you feel safe and comfortable, and you couldn’t get a grip and call them Mom or tell them that you cared about (loved?) them.
“For the record, they have the same glint when they look at you,” Lindsey whispered into your ear, pulling you into a hug. You gave her a tiny, not quite believing nod. You wanted to believe her, but how could anyone love a messed up 13-year-old like you?
****
You woke with a start, sitting bolt upright in your hotel room bed. Your heart was racing so fast that you thought it might beat right out of your chest. You clenched your eyes shut in an attempt to rid the images out of your mind. To rid the smell of his breath, that evil glint in his eyes, or the pain he had inflicted on your lower half from your brain.
“Hey baby doll, you alright?” Tobin’s sleepy voice broke you out of your spiraling thoughts, and you bit down hard on your hand to prevent the sob from leaving your lips.
“Hey, Y/n are you alright?” She said, flipping on the light, which startled Christen awake. They both took in your shaking form. Your face was pale, and you were rocking back and forth in the bed. You stared unseeingly at them, almost as though you were in a different world.
The two women immediately jumped into action, Tobin rushing to grab a warm washcloth from the bathroom, and Christen slowly moving to sit beside you on your bed. Her hand came up to gently run circles on your back.
“Y/n, baby,” She murmured, afraid that she would startle you more than you already were. Your eyes snapped to her and you shook your head rapidly, tears flowing freely down your face. You leaned further into her touch, collapsing in her arms. She pulled you closer to her, rocking you back and forth as you sobbed into her chest. Tobin ran a comforting hand through your hair when she returned, unwilling to coax you out of your hiding spot in her wife’s chest.
She held you tight as if to reassure you that she was there, and she was never leaving. She and Tobin shared several worried looks, unsure of how to proceed. It was rare that you showed them any emotions besides happiness and frustration. They knew you had nightmares, but they had never been involved in the aftermath of one before.
They half you between them, cooing soothing words and reassurances into your hair until your crying slowed.
“Hey, baby can you look up at me?” Tobin asked softly, running the warm cloth over your features when you glanced up at her. You sighed into the touch, unused to the warm feeling that settled in your chest.
“Can you tell us what’s going on?” Christen murmured into your hair, never stopping her comforting rubbing on your back or her rocking back and forth. You rapidly shook your head, returning to your hiding place. You knew that they had read your file before they adopted you, but reading a second-hand account of events and hearing it were two very different things.
“Why not baby? It might help to get it off your chest,” Tobin pressed just a little, and she saw your shoulders deflate.
“You won’t want me anymore,” You said so quietly into Christen’s shoulder that it was almost inaudible. The women gasped.
“We will never not want you Kid” Tobin declared firmly, as Christen’s rocking picked up to ebb the tears that had started to flow again.
A choked “Why?” left your lips, muffled by the soft material of Christen’s shirt, and you felt both women tense. You had been to hell and back, and you just couldn’t understand why the women hadn’t given up on you yet. Perhaps it was their competitive nature. Always wanting to overcome every challenge they face. But perhaps it was something else, the little voice in the back of your brain said.
“Because we love you,” Christen whispered into your ear, and your tears increased.
“You’re an amazing kid, and you bring so much light to our lives, despite all of the shit that you’ve been through,” Tobin added, wrapping her arms around both of you. You sighed into their touch.
“Will you stay with me?” You whimpered softly. They made you feel safe, and you knew that you wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep without them.
“Always kiddo,” Tobin hummed, pulling the covers back and allowing Chris to maneuver you had her underneath them before joining you. You sighed deeply, relaxing at the feeling of both of them. You felt so safe, so protected between them. You felt… something so much greater than care. Something that you had been avoiding.
As you drifted off you released a soft “love you mom and mama,”. You missed the shit-eating grins that took over both women’s faces, as they had been waiting for this moment for 8 months. The moment where you would finally accept their love, accept their invitation into their family. But you did catch the soft “love you too baby,” that came from both women.
Things weren’t perfect, but they were heading that way. Sure, it would be a challenge, but they would never give up on you. You were theirs and they were yours forever and always.
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hamelin-born
@secret-engima
Oscar likes green. It’s that simple. Yes, he does have a lot of fond memories linked to the color green, and yes, having everything be green means that any magic he choses to use has a good chance of being lost against the background, but - green’s his favorite color. It’s that simple. He’d probably honestly be a little amused at hearing all the frantic speculation about his reasons behind the color scheme.
...the fact that The Emerald City made appearances in the hometowns of what would grow to become Team JNPR is totally a coincidence. Right? Yes. A total coincidence.
*snicker* That is perfectly in character. Mercury probably sarcastically suggested that Oscar’s animated cane-weapon be given the name of ‘Short Term Memory’ or something along those lines. Oscar, true to himself, decided - hey, his cane was a living thing, it should have the chance to chose it’s own name!
That is why the cane proudly bears a name suspiciously similar to ‘Toto’.
Whitley is cheering on Oscar’s efforts to make miniatured rainbows, and looking up all the information on color spectrum and prisms. He too wants to be able to, one day, see a grumpy person with a personalized raincloud above their head! A raincloud that will break into rainbows when they smile and/or laugh! And they know just the perfect test subject...
Somewhere, Qrow feels a shiver run down his spine.
Oscar did not set out with the intention of kidnapping Whitley. It just - happened? And ooh, but I love seeing Whitley’s perspectives of his first meeting with Oscar. It’s just - Oscar accidentally come off as mysterious and colorful and almost fae; it’s amazing. And just - I’m suddenly struck by the parallels with another modern fairy tale - namely, Peter Pan and the Lost Boys. Oscar doesn’t sugarcoat the danger when he offers to take Whitley away; he lays out everything in his offer, and leaves it Whitley’s decision.
And Whitey - comes away.
He never regrets it.
A couple of random thoughts about the Schnee Family Debacle: Actually, Qrow might initially be afraid that the ‘Schnee Bingo’ is indirectly aimed at Ironwood. Because Winter is - relatively close in Ironwood’s confidence, I believe. And the whole ‘dragging the family’s sin’s into the light?’ It is going to impact her, one way or another. And everyone who is aware of ‘Schnee Bingo’ is going to wonder just what they did for the Ringmaster to respond like this - speculation goes anywhere from realistic to highly improbable.
The smart ones, upon uncovering the evidence of what the Schnee family does to their kids, think that that probably has something to do with it.
Me: @hamelin-born
The reblog chain this is from is getting really long, so I decided to snag this and start a new post with it. XD
Oscar likes green! It means growing things and life! And yes it does hide his magic rather well :3
The fact that Emerald City has been all over the world and stopped in hometowns of SEVERAL main characters is total coincidence yes. :3 Just like how it is TOTAL coincidence that sometimes, a child or two is invited backstage to meet the tiny Ringmaster. >:333
(Pyrrha remembers that circus years later, how she was 14 and just starting to really get famous and realize how much fame sucked, and she didn’t have her parent’s permission to go to the Circus just outside Argus but she did anyway and it was a night she would never forget. A magical, beautiful night, and then the little Ringmaster, a boy younger than her, smiled and sang a song that brought tears to the eyes and somehow- it felt like he was looking right at her.)
(She remembers being invited backstage by one of the acrobats, a cocky boy her age with silver hair, and at first she thought they were doing it because she was “Pyrrha Nikos” but- they never mentioned it. They never even asked her name. They just led her backstage to the tiny Ringmaster in his top hat and cane and workshop of wonders. He smiled at her and asked her name. She blinked and cautiously asked if he didn’t know it already. The boy twirled his cane and seemed a little too old for his childish appearance as he said “How could I? We’ve never met before. Though,” his smile had gone a little ... something at the edges, sad or wild or maybe even fae like her grandmother’s old stories, “I may have met your shadow along my roads, and for that I suppose I owe you thanks.”)
(“...Thanks? To me?” She asks, and the boy hums as he starts performing magic tricks right there, just for her, reappearing and disappearing of various trinkets and tools. Yes, he tells her, and then he pulls out a beautiful little necklace, a slender gold chain with a glimmering stone in the shape of a juniper tree, he offers it to her, and she wonders if it’s her imagination that the stone tree feels warm and alive on her palm, you don’t remember, he hums gently, but you once told my best friend that you believed in him, and it quite possibly saved his life. He never told me your name, but he told me about the Argus girl with red hair and kind eyes, and I dare say you fit the description to a T.)
(The Ringmaster smiles at her and gestures at the little necklace, “Keep it, as a thank you. May it bring you good fortune and safe passage, no matter where your destiny leads.” Not long after, she was led out by another of the acrobats, and it was only after she’d gotten home and was staring at the ceiling of her bedroom that she realized she was automatically wearing the necklace. And that the stone still felt warm.)
(If anyone bothers to ask Pyrrha Nikos after that if she believed in magic, she will touch the pendant of a tree that she always wears around her neck and say yes. Magic is real. And so are little fairy boys with kind green eyes.)
(Annnnd now I wanna do some drabbles of the main cast meeting the Emerald City circus and having encounters with the mysterious little Ringmaster XD)
Mercury so suggests “short-term memory” but Oscar solemnly says the cane should have a say. It picks the name “Total Remembrance” and Mercury laughs his head off while Neo gleefully calls the cane a sarcastic little twig. They shorten the name to “Toto” for Oscar’s sanity.
Whitley is a glee the day they get the spell to WORK. Now- to find their first test subject. Emerald: I’LL GO LEAD HIM HERE *flies off as a gremlin magpie*
Oscar doesn’t know it, but he comes off as a little bit fae (or a lot fae) to a LOT of people. He can’t help it, with his connection to magic and his future memories and the way he acts and dresses he just- feels like a storybook wizard or fairy boy stepped out of the pages. And gosh, Oscar is totally like Peter Pan in his kidnapping of Whitley. XD Just- he offers adventure and danger and love and FAMILY. Come away with me? whispers his magic and his outstretched hand, and Whitley is far from the only person to have taken it over the years (look at his time-traveling crew), and he never regrets it.
Oh gosh I didn’t think of that. Qrow WOULD possibly think this was a jab at Ironwood, but ... not necessarily because of Winter? Depending on when this happens she might only be newly graduated. No wait the hammer fall happens in canon, so yeah there is the Winter connection, but ALSO, in canon Ironwood is implied to be an old, estranged friend of the family, and further, as a Council member, he and Jaques have to deal with each other on a professional level. Taking down the Schnees could be seen as a personal jab through Winter yes, but also as a threat, that if they can take out the Schnees, who are roughly equal Ironwood’s status and known “friends” (for a loose definition of the word) of the General, then what can they do to Ironwood directly?
The smart criminals look at the confidants of their Ringmaster, who are mostly kids, and a few of them know that the Ringmaster looks like a child himself and they ... well. Put some pieces together.
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Irreverent Pt. 35 - The Fifth
Title: Irreverent Pt. 35 - The Fifth
Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Reader
Rating: M
Words: 5130
Irreverent Series Masterlist
It's the middle of the night after a long case away involving a family annihilator, after which you and Aaron had picked up Jack and more or less collapsed into bed from sheer exhaustion. You're woken up suddenly and for a second you're not sure why until you feel Aaron shift erratically behind you. You turn slowly towards him to see his face contorted and a thin layer of sweat covering his brow. He's having a nightmare, and knowing everything he's been through, you can only imagine what it's about.
Reaching out slowly, so as to not startle him, you softly shake him. "Aaron, honey, wake up." It takes a bit more shaking to really get him out of his sleep. He wakes with a start and a shout and you worry he'll wake Jack. "Shh, it's okay, you're okay." Your hands are running over his chest and face, trying to help him calm down.
Aaron had been having the Foyet dream again. The dream where he's driving and driving and he hears Haley and he hears Jack, except now it's not just them, it's also you. He's driving and the car isn't moving fast enough and he hears that first gunshot that hits Haley. He hears yours voice - your voice asking him why he didn't make the deal, your voice telling him to hurry - and then a second gunshot.
He's shaking as he realizes that he's in bed, that you're there, and reasonably he knows that Jack is in his room down the hall. You're saying something and he's nodding but not sure what he's saying yes to. He feels cold and clammy and your hands are softly brushing back his hair as his breathing starts to become normal again. From the nightstand, you'd grabbed the glass of water and are handing it to him, your hand cupping his as he brings it up to his mouth.
"You're okay, you're alright. Everything's okay. Jack's alright. It's okay."
He nods, hearing you this time, and allows you to help him lay down, his head against your chest and your hands running over his arms and through his hair. It's helping. Reminding him. Grounding him. This is the first time he's had someone around for this nightmare. He's used to waking up alone and then getting up to check on Jack - just in case. But he has your voice in his ear, assuring him that Jack is alright.
He closes his eyes and focuses on the steady beat of your heart.
You're there.
You're there.
You're there.
*------------*
It had been a short case and it had ended relatively well all things considered - the Unsub was apprehended before he got his hands on his next victim. Sometimes you just take the wins you're handed, and so the team had flown out of Phoenix in good spirits, looking forward to a long weekend off. Rossi had already planned a barbeque at his place on Sunday and you and Aaron had plans to take Jack to the new Dinosaur exhibit at the Smithsonian on Saturday. Monday - if you all made it that far without a case - would be dedicated to introducing Jack to the Toy Story series. You'd ordered him a little Woody outfit and toy as a surprise and just received the notification that it was delivered, so it was perfect timing really.
"I'm just saying, he wasn't too far off the mark," you hear Spencer's voice as you're sitting sideways on the couch, your legs in his lap.
The latest Unsub had formed unhealthy attachments with women who he helped provide tech support to, so the conversation had turned to that again, as far as you could tell. JJ thought it was creepy how the guy had essentially used his access to the customer log to stalk his victims that fit his fantasy and the two of them had been talking it over as she was typing out her report. Her and Will had plans for tomorrow and you knew she wanted to get home early tonight so was doing her best to wrap up her work before you even landed.
You debated starting yours too as you saw that Hotch was working on some paper work as well. Emily and Derek however were sitting and chatting about something or the other and Rossi was reading a newspaper. Who did that anymore? You really needed to introduce him to a kindle or something. Maybe for Christmas. Then again he's a published author. He might take offense at having the feel of a real book be replaced with technology.
You decided to join JJ and Spencer's conversation - maybe you'd learn something to add to your report that you would type soon and not wait to do until after you landed. Of course not.
"What're you guys talking about, Spence?"
"I'm just trying to explain to JJ, that while the Unsub might have gone about it in an unorthodox manner," you hear JJ scoff at Spencer's description of the murders, "he wasn't wrong about the initial premise."
"Which is?" you prompted, trying to take mental notes at the least.
"That many people find love through work - be it a customer, client, or coworker. We spend at minimum, 40% of our waking hours at work. Add in the fact that many people tie their work to a facet of their identity, it makes sense that relationships formed in workplace settings have a high degree of success."
You nod along, taking a drink from the bottle of sparkling water you'd grabbed earlier.
"I mean, just look at you and Hotch - you two seem to be making it work."
You felt yourself choke on the water and cough, enough to get everyone's attention. No. You'd misheard. He hadn't said that. Why was it so quiet on the plane all of a sudden? They're all looking at you. You and Hotch. Emily and Derek had entirely stopped talking. Rossi had put down his paper. No one was saying anything really, as if they were waiting.
You meet Aaron's eyes and see the same question reflected there. Do they know?
You're about to contradict it, really, you are. You're going to ask Spencer what he's talking about. Because you and Hotch are not together - no sir. He must be mistaken. He must have you confused with someone else.
That option is taken from you, however, when Aaron straightens, putting down his pen, and asks Spencer, "How long have you known?"
It's JJ who answers however. "We didn't actually. Not for sure at least. Thanks for the confirmation." There's a smirk on her face and a knowing glint in her eye. You look around and see that they're all wearing pretty much identical smirks.
You can feel the incredulity building in your head. You'd been had. Actually no. You had not. Aaron had. You were all set to deny deny deny. He had to open his big mouth and ask a self-incriminating question. I should pull up the Virginia Bar records and check if he's still licensed because he's really losing his touch.
Aaron had the good grace to look a little ashamed at having been tricked so easily.
You're supposed to say something, but this isn't how you'd planned on telling everyone that you were sleeping with the boss. Well not just sleeping with, but still! There had been a plan. A carefully orchestrated plan involving dinner and copious amounts of expensive alcohol so that no one could be upset at having been lied to. It was very hard for people to be upset with you after you've fed them. Especially if you made your tiramisu. The tiramisu had been part of the plan!
You can feel your face heating up the longer the silence goes on. Realistically it's only a few seconds at most while both you and Aaron process that everyone knows now. But it feels like a very long stretch of quiet in which they're all just looking at you as if they expect you to start making out with one another any minute now.
"How'd you figure it out?" you finally ask, hoping that question would urge Spencer to talk and distract everyone from staring at you. You sneak a peak at Emily. She doesn't look mad or upset really. That's good.
"Well, I've suspected since Hotch got shot," Spencer explains. "I was pretty sure you made a large donation to the surgery department to get Dr. Kepner instead of Dr. Wilson, which didn't really make sense as something someone would do for a friend or a coworker. Though sometimes I do tend to misread those types of situations so I asked JJ and she agreed with my interpretation that it was unlikely you'd make a large donation for just anyone like that."
You look at Aaron and see him color just slightly. The two of you had had a bit of an argument about you throwing your money around to get your way, but you'd reminded him that his bullet wound had healed remarkably and there was barely a scar at all. Plus, it was your money and you could use it however you wanted and then you'd said something about how scared you'd been and how you didn't know how else to help and could he please just not be mad at you for doing something that was good for him. You weren't sure if it was what you said or the fact that you were sat in his lap pouting and upset when you'd done it, that had made him finally relent.
You still refused to tell him exactly how much you'd donated.
"We won't hold that against you, though," JJ says kindly. You can see the humor dancing in her eyes.
If the jet were to suddenly rip a hole and pull you clean through, you wouldn't be all too upset about it.
"You also said no to a date with Charlie," Derek adds. Detective Charles Bass was a friend of Derek's from the Chicago PD whom you'd met on the case prior. "You and I both know he's your type, princess." Derek has a teasing smile on his face that helps you calm down a little bit.
You rolled your eyes but didn't refute his claim. He wasn't wrong. Detective Bass was incredibly good looking and charming and exactly your type if you weren't already completely head over heels for a certain unit chief. Aaron had laughed when you told him and then proceeded to remind you exactly why you said no to dates with other men. You two were lucky no one had heard you with how thin hotel room walls could be. Though now you have to wonder if they had indeed heard you but were adding it to the pile of evidence they'd been collecting.
"And then," Emily decides to finally contribute, prompting you to really look at her, "when I was taking the lunch order, and Hotch was busy, you knew his sandwich order exactly. When I handed it to him he asked how I knew that he didn't like mayonnaise on his roast beef sandwiches. I didn't know that. But you sure did." Emily has a smug look on her face and there's a promise in her eyes that the two of you will be discussing this later. In detail.
You're just sitting there now, shaking your head. It was embarrassing to have your profiler coworkers point out things that you really should've known to be more careful about. You're sure Aaron feels similarly awkward because he's just silently looking at each person as they speak, a flush coloring his face and neck.
Rossi looks like the cat that ate the canary, however he is conspicuously quiet. You have to wonder how long he's known that the others suspect you and Hotch were together. However none of them seem upset really or even surprised so that has to be of some solace to Aaron. He'd had the ridiculous notion that Derek and Emily would think he was taking advantage of you or some nonsense. As if anyone could possibly think that of him.
"And finally, there was the case in LA a few weeks back when we got called in late and both you and Hotch arrived around the same time. Which in and of itself wouldn't be too odd, but you were wearing an emerald green cocktail dress with off the shoulder sleeves and Hotch was also dressed up and wearing a tie that matched your dress exactly. Hotch doesn't have green ties." Spencer relays all of this as though it's all oh so obvious and you really want to call him a weirdo for knowing what ties Hotch does and doesn't have - but he's right. You'd bought him that green tie because it was your favorite color and he'd matched your dress when the two of you had gone out to dinner on a rare night off. "Plus, the two of you often tend to match. Is that on purpose or subconscious - I've been wanting to ask."
You look down at your red blouse and then across to Aaron's red tie. Well, if any of them hadn't believed it before, they sure did now.
You might as well have been caught red-handed.
*------------*
Sunday was a nice and sunny day. You and Aaron had arrived at Rossi's together with Jack. In the same car. That was a definite perk of everyone knowing - the two of you had been growing tired of always bringing two cars to and from places and trying your best to arrive a few minutes after the other.
Jack had immediately found Henry and the two of them were playing in the shallow end of the pool with Aaron and Will keeping watch nearby, while Rossi and Reid manned the grill. Well Rossi was doing the grilling. Spencer was spouting facts about the origins of barbeque which Aaron had long since tuned out from.
He looks over as you lay in a deck chair near the girls and Derek. Prentiss, JJ, and Garcia had all opted for bikinis and were working on their tans. You'd taken off your coverup and were wearing a wine colored one piece swimsuit underneath, your hair tied up in a high ponytail reminiscent of some pop star whose name he could never remember. Last week, he had come home to you and Jack singing along to her teeny bopper tunes and when he'd complained you'd told him that music didn't stop with the Beatles and it was good to have balance. He'd had the song stuck in his head for days.
All in all the team had taken the two of you dating relatively well. They'd all said they were happy for the two of you and no one seemed too upset at having been kept in the dark about it. He supposed he was grateful given the group's history with secrets. He was also pretty sure he'd seen some money exchange hands afterwards, however had decided to not bring that up with you - he had a feeling you wouldn't be thrilled to know your coworkers were betting on your personal life.
On the other side of the pool, you were getting settled in and enjoying the warmth of the sun on your skin. Emily's lying next to you on her stomach after you'd finished lathering her back with sunscreen.
"Derek, where's Savannah?" JJ asks, taking a sip from the giant margarita glass that Rossi had handed each of you as you entered. She's sitting up in her chair, sunglasses perched on her head and an eye on Henry the entire time.
"She's on call, but she says hello," Derek answers. You know it's been rough on them trying to see each other despite both of their busy schedules. That's one thing you're grateful for with you and Aaron working on the same team - you get to see him at home and at work. Though, you suppose you might as well enjoy it while it lasts. McKinney has been hinting at getting you working - part time at least - with some local task force groups to increase your exposure. You'd end up splitting your time between that and the BAU.
"Alright, let's talk about what we all really want to know more about!" Penelope turns to you, her face a mixture of curiosity and childlike glee. Heat and alcohol were not a good mix. "Y/N, tell us more about you and Hotch!"
You'd been dreading this. You'd told Aaron as much when the two of you were getting ready that morning and at this moment you resented him for being on the other side of the pool with Will. Will who wasn't nosey and minded his own business.
Sighing, you prop yourself up to take a sip of your own drink. "What do you guys want to know?"
"How long have you been together? Officially."
"A few months - since the career day conversation."
"That long?!" JJ's eyes widen in surprise.
"Didn't you hide Will from us for almost half a year?" Derek raises an eyebrow at her hypocrisy however she doesn't seem perturbed.
"Yes, but that was different. Hotch and Y/N are both around us practically 24/7. I'm surprised they managed to hide it that long."
You laugh. "Well we obviously weren't that good at the hiding if you guys figured it out."
"Don't sell yourself short, princess. If pretty boy hadn't told us all about the hospital thing we wouldn't have given it too much thought."
"He's right," Emily agrees. "You and Hotch being together isn't like a surprise, but it is also."
"What do you mean?" You're intrigued by that because that's something that's bothered you since you declared your relationship to Strauss. She hadn't been surprised and she'd said no one else would be either. You hadn't really taken her word for it.
"I mean, you guys were basically a couple already - all the stuff you did with Jack, always partnering up together, not to mention the fact that Hotch has been in love with you forever."
You roll your eyes. Everyone's said that - Emily, Rossi, even Aaron when he told you that he'd loved you for years. You couldn't help but be a bit skeptical. Years? Really? Deep down you knew the reason why you're bothered - it's because you can imagine how painful that must've been for him if it was true - you'd flirted with other men, you'd dated, and then there had been the time when you two were barely speaking. While that had been awful for you as well, you couldn't imagine how much worse it was for him knowing he was in love with you and you two were barely talking.
"But also it was a small surprise," JJ continues, drawing your attention back. "Like, none of us thought Hotch was your type - at least based on the other guys we've seen you date. We honestly thought about setting him up a few times just to help him get over it and move on."
That was news to you. No one had ever mentioned wanting to set Hotch up with anyone to you. "Why didn't you?"
You see JJ and Emily exchange a look. Emily's the one who answers, though she seems hesitant. "Well, we did. Once. We set him up on a blind date with my friend Sarah. Apparently all he did was talk about the team and Jack…and you."
You raised your eyebrows at that and looked over at Aaron, throwing Jack into the water. "He talked about me?"
"According to Sarah, it seemed like he was hung up on some girl named Y/N," JJ teases, "and she was pretty upset that we wasted her time."
You can't help the pleased smile or the slight color that comes to your face. You wanted to ask why none of them had told you, but you knew the answer. They wouldn't betray Aaron like that.
"So," and you can tell this is Emily's way of changing the subject back to what she really wants to talk about. "How's the sex?" Her mouth is twisted into a smirk, a mischievous glint in her eye.
Derek takes that as his cue to excuse himself from the girl talk and walks over to join Rossi at the grill. As if you'd talk about that with him there anyways.
You shake your head. "Emily he's your boss."
"He's your boss too, and you're sleeping with him. I just wanna know what it's like."
JJ and Penelope are also looking at you expectantly. You bite your lip, and with a sigh you admit, "It's the best sex of my life."
Their loud ooohs and teasing squeals catch the guys' attention and you meet Aaron's gaze as he's walking over.
Aaron can sense the girls' eyes on him as he walks over to you to grab the keys to the car. Jack wanted to grab the waterguns to play with.
"Hey, the keys still in your bag?"
You nod as he grabs the bag from the other side of your chair and looks for the car keys. You'd all become far too quiet the second he'd approached. Emily was stifling a dirty smirk very very poorly and both JJ and Penelope were still giggling behind their drinks.
"Were you talking about me?" he asks, a small smirk on his face as he fishes out the keys.
"Yes," Emily replies, flipping her sunglasses up to meet his eyes. "Now go away so we can continue."
Aaron chuckles and shakes his head. He's about to walk away, but as he passes the back of your chair, you suddenly feel a light tug at your ponytail, and before you can react he's pulled your head back and captured your lips in a sweet kiss that takes your breath away. Letting go, he throws a wink at your shocked face before strolling away.
You take a second before you look back at the girls and you're met with three identical faces of outright surprise.
Emily recovers first, fanning herself with her hand. "Has Hotch always been this hot?"
The four of you can't help but laugh again.
Yes he has.
*------------*
You'd changed out of your swimsuit and into a dress after playing waterguns with Jack and Henry in the afternoon. The food and drinks had flowed throughout the day, and everyone had moved into Rossi's large living room as the sun set. It was pretty much assumed that no one was in a state to drive back home that night.
Jack had eventually tuckered himself out and fallen asleep in your lap before Aaron picked him up and took him to the guest bedroom to lay him down next to Henry. You were feeling a little sleepy yourself, tucked into Emily's side on the large couch, lazily holding a glass of wine, and trying to follow the conversation.
"So, he just said you weren't good? Like, straight up?" JJ looks appalled that anyone could be so rude to someone's face.
"Yeah, can you believe it? I had an off day and still went down on him and he comes at me with that," Emily replies, the rage clear on her face. Her latest paramour had been less than appreciative of her skills and she had been filling you all in on the aftermath.
"You did dump him, didn't you sugar?" Penelope was equally worked up, her nostrils flaring.
"Of course," Emily assures her, "And then," she continues a bit hesitantly, "I did something…else."
That definitely caught your attention. "Oh God…what'd you do Em?"
"Well, I may have gone through my contacts and obtained more personal feedback." She's not looking at you and instead speaking into her wine glass. You're pretty sure it's her third and that was after margaritas all afternoon.
You blink as you process what she had said. However, Penelope beats you to it. "You called up your exes and ASKED?!"
"How else am I supposed to know? I was feeling insecure and I needed to know if he was right. There isn't exactly a Yelp to rate blowjob skills."
You groaned. Of course she had.
"Emily, you can't just call people and ask them that." You couldn't believe she'd done that. You could not even fathom.
"Why not? I feel better and I know he was wrong."
You just shook your head, smiling in spite of yourself. Suppose you do have to admire the confidence.
"Maybe I should do that," Penelope says, twirling her phone in her hands.
"Alright, you're cut off." You grabbed her glass from her hand and moved it to the table. "We can't all just go around asking men to rate us." This was an entirely alcohol fueled conversation at this point.
JJ agreed with you, making a grab for Emily's glass as well, which she dodged. Damn those undercover agent reflexes.
"I don't know Y/N," Emily teased, "you always like being the best. Wouldn't it be nice to know for sure."
You narrowed your eyes at her.
Before you could say anything else, however, she'd already called out. "Hotch!"
You watch Aaron turn from his conversation with Reid, beer bottle in hand. He looked a little flushed from the day drinking, his hair flopping adorably to his forehead. "Yes?"
"Does Y/N give good head?"
You feel your jaw drop and your eyes widen in horror. You're already shaking your head at Aaron. You're waiting for him to say that it wasn't appropriate. Waiting for him to ignore it and roll his eyes and turn away. Instead he looks at you and the look in his eyes tells you exactly what he's thinking about. You can feel yourself heat up under his gaze.
Aaron, in his defense, was a few beers in and his guard had been down. He'd spent the entire day watching you in your bathing suit and when Prentiss - blatantly - asked him if you gave good head, his mind went immediately to a few weeks back.
A few weeks back when you'd woken up before him - which you rarely did. He had woken to the feeling of little kitten licks on the tip of his cock and the sight of you knelt between his legs. He'd shifted, alerting you to the fact that he was awake, and you'd looked up at him with the cutest smile.
"Good morning." He'd raised an eyebrow, at your position.
You'd hummed in response, taking him into your mouth, tongue swirling around the head, and released him with a kiss on the tip.
His eyes darkened as he shifted to sit against the headboard and watched you move with him.
"What do I owe this wakeup call to?"
You'd appraised him, still knelt between his legs, as if debating exactly what to say. He knew you weren't incredibly experienced in this particular area and he'd been more than happy to forego it altogether in your time together thus far. You bit your lip, and spoke slowly. "You know that I haven't done this much."
He nods, watching you fidget with your hands.
"Will you teach me?"
He felt a jolt of need that went straight to his cock. He was about to imprint this image of you to his mind forever - kneeling between his legs, doe eyes looking up at him from under your lashes, mouth pouty and lips glossy from his precome coating them. This would be the image that he would forever bring to the forefront anytime he was unfortunate enough to spend a night without you.
He lets out a shaky breath before nodding yes.
You were an incredibly fast learner.
You watch as Aaron tips the head of the beer bottle to his mouth and takes another drag, before lowering it. He looks right at you when he finally speaks, deliberately slow. "I have no complaints."
You let out a breath of disbelief and the girls started laughing around you as he turned back around to his conversation amongst jostling from Derek and Rossi. Cocky little…
When you walked to the kitchen to grab some water, you could feel his eyes on you and you're not surprised when he joins you a moment later, arms circling your waist from behind.
"Hi." His breath is warm against your neck and you can tell he's just this side of drunk because he's very loosely holding himself to you.
You simply hummed as he pressed his lips to your neck. He had been very touchy today and to be honest, you hadn't expected this level of PDA from Aaron. You'd expected him to be much more reserved, though that's likely exactly what would happen once everyone was back at work.
"Was that the right answer?" He mumbles into your skin, leaving open mouth kisses along your neck.
You smile, rolling your eyes. "The right answer was I plead the fifth. I thought you were a lawyer."
His chest rumbles with laughter behind you and you can hear the teasing smile in his voice. "Well, your honor, I think I'm a few beers in and allowed to appreciate my girlfriend's skills. Any chance I could talk you into another demonstration?" Oh he was really pushing his luck.
You bite your lip to prevent the grin that's threatening to break out. "I thought you were drunk."
You try to turn to face him but he pushes you into the counter, grinding against you. "Not that drunk."
He moves his hand to cup your jaw, turning your face towards him, and capturing your lips in a wet, dirty kiss that leaves you moaning and grinding back into him.
You're grateful the kitchen is hidden from view of the living room and no one has walked in on you both yet.
"Aaron, we can't have sex in Rossi's house," you whisper urgently when he gives you a moment to breathe.
"You're kidding, right? He told me where the condoms are."
You scoff. As if the two of you even used condoms.
But he's looking at you earnestly and you chance another look in the direction of the living room. It sounded like everyone was talking and distracted. They probably wouldn't miss you.
He can see the wheels turning in your head, and he smiles triumphantly as he sees the acceptance in your eyes.
"You're a bad influence Agent Hotchner," you say as his lips meet yours again and the two of you start making your way down the hallway to the back of the house.
#Criminal Minds#criminal minds imagine#criminal minds reader insert#aaron hotchner#aaron hotchner imagine#aaron hotchner x reader#aaron hotch x reader#aaron hotchner x you#hotch#hotch x reader#hotch x you#hotch x y/n#irreverentseries
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