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youchangedmedestiel · 1 month

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This ficlet is called "You are perfect the way you are" (also available on AO3). This came to me because I wasn't feeling so great. I wanted to hear those words, instead I wrote them. But if you need to hear them too, then this is my gift to you. And also, you are perfect the way you are! This is clearly not my most elaborate fic but if it can help at least one person to feel better, then it makes my day. I hope you'll enjoy reading it:

"I love you." Cas declares, his arms holding himself up above Dean, his hands resting on the mattress at each side of his face.

"What's that for?" Dean chuckles, because what else can he do when Cas is facing him, blue eyes piercing deep in his, honesty all over his face.

"You are smart." He says, kissing his forehead.

"Right." Dean answers, not believing a word of it.

"You are funny." Cas adds, kissing the tip of his nose.

"Cas." Dean says quietly, he wants to tell him to stop but he can't.

"You are kind." Cas keeps trailing his road, kissing Dean's cheek, noticing the light blush starting to grow there. Dean wants to hide it, so he turns his face towards Cas's arm. "Dean." Cas tries to make him look at him again, but without success. Instead he uses his other hand to grab Dean's chin and make him look up at him. They lock eyes and he adds, "you are beautiful." And he kisses his lips before Dean gets the chance to look away again. It's a chaste and soft kiss. Dean chases it when Cas moves his head away.

"Are you done?" Dean asks, acting annoyed but his blush betrays him.

"No." Cas answers, squinting his eyes. "Did you listen to what I said?"

"Yeah. I'm clearly out of your league." Dean jokes, but Cas isn't.

"Dean!" He says loudly, frowning. He softens quickly when Dean looks up, his eyes wide open, surprised by Cas's tone. "You are perfect the way you are and I love you." Cas insists on every syllables, never looking away from Dean's eyes. Even when you're joking and it's not the time, he thinks. Dean can't escape this, trapped by Cas's body against the mattress. The only thing he can do is watch how sincere Cas looks when he pronounces those words.

"I love you too, Cas." Dean whispers, lifting his upper body from the mattress to reach out for Cas's lips with his. That kiss is not as chaste as the previous one. He grabs the back of his neck and pulls him down with him.

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itwasnightwhenyoudied · 2 months

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Cas gets up suddenly, stepping onto the tiny stage at his and Dean's wedding and taking the microphone from the singer as they finish another cover from the happy couple's (that's them!) chosen set list. He nods solomny to the band, then proceeds to sing this All I Want Is You song that Dean has never heard before, swaying slightly out of time with the janky music, voice a full octave lower than most people who don't know him would probably expect, and yeah, a little out of tune.

Dean, looking over at a grinning Sammy and back again, surprised, smiling, misty-eyed and choked up, watches his angel—his husband—spill his heart out through the cringey lyrics, and has honestly never loved Castiel more.

(SONG LINK)

#a little late for their anniversary celebrations but who cares #i listened to this track today and SCREAMED INTERNALLY as to not scare the shit out of my cats #deancas #destiel #destiel drabble #destiel ficlet #destiel fic #all i want is you #barry louis polisar #spotify link #castiel #dean winchester #sam winchester #spn #iwnwyd writes #itwasnightwhenyoudied

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findafight · 1 year

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I am so mad at myself. After writing in the tags "#not spn au just supernatural ok OKAY" on my supernatural au/human Steve au post. I am cursed with thinking of a cw supernatural au for human Steve au. Horrible. My fantasy mechanics work different than the show but fuck it if I'm not thinking about John Winchester sidling up to Hawkins, two boys in the back of the impala, a couple weeks after spring break of '86. Comes in cocksure and confident. It's a small town, someone had to have seen something, even if they had a witchhunt for some poor sap.

He meets the newly reinstated chief of police, (unclear why he was removed if everybody he's talked to loves the guy, calls him a hero and all that shit) and asks about the deaths. John's had a few years to work out the kinks in getting law enforcement to tell him about the weird shit that happens so he's not too worried about this Hopper guy.

He walks into the office and, well. Chief Hopper looks like shit. Sunken cheeks and sallow skin, the guy looks like he escaped prison more than anything. But. John can be polite. He introduces himself. Tries to ask some...subtle questions.

Cheif Hopper isn't taking the bait. Keeps twitching his nose, brows drawing lower and lower. At some point, he leans towards John, and there's a brief, instinctual, second of fear that runs down his spine, before the chief shrugs. Says "I've gotta make a call. I think I know who you're looking for."

John isn't asked to leave the office so he doesn't, just listens as the phone rings.

Someone answers and the cheif says "it's Hop. We've got a...visitor at the station. Figured you'd like to talk to him."

Some talking on the other end. And Cheif Hopper, who has, the entire time John has been in Hawkins, looked no more than fifteen seconds away from growling, huffs a laugh.

"seriously Harrington, I'd say you're the one with the expertise this fella's looking for"

A pause, muffled noise.

"good. Drive safe out there, kid. Oh! And might want to bring that book of yours, hm? See you soon."

The two sit in silence. John feels like he should recognize the name Harrington, he's definitely heard it before, but can't place it for the life of him. The door of the office swings open, revealing a... Teenager.

The kid wears a pastel polo, hair coiffed, highwaisted jeans, and is carrying the largest book John Winchester has ever seen.

He plops it on the desk, Cheif Hopper shuffling papers aside.

"so," he says, pushing his hair back and placing hands on his hips, "why'd you need me to bring this fucking thing here for? Besides the shady looking guy, obviously."

Well. So much for convincing the kid he's from the feds, probably. Couldn't hurt

John shrugs. "I was just asking the Cheif here if he knew anything about those deaths. I'm with the FBI, and we want to get to the bottom of it, especially if that Munson is falsely accused."

Harrington's jam hangs open. Snaps shut. He turns to the Cheif, corner of his lips tugging up. "The. The government. Wants to know about the deaths."

The Cheif nods. "That's right, son. The FBI, here in our own little Hawkins."

The kid. The kid fucking giggles. "I see why you called."

"obviously. Guy's as subtle as a train."

And. What? How'd they figure him out so quickly? Who was this Harrington kid? What was that book he brought?

"listen, buddy, I get that you think your trying to help. I do." John is being condescended to by a fucking teenager. "But we've got it all sorted. Hawkins is fine." The kid pulls out a chair from the corner and sits on it backwards, leaning forwards against the backrest. "I am curious as to what you thought the killings were, though. Vampire? Demon? I don't think anything else would really fit the descriptions in the papers..."

And. Fuck. Did this kid know he was a Hunter? "How'd you know?"

The kid smirks. "I'm Steve Harrington." He sticks his hand out, for john to shake.

It seems rude not to, considering this kid and-and the goddamn Cheif of police in this Podunk Indiana town both clocked him as soon as he crossed town lines, probably. "John Winchester. Hunter."

Steve laughs. It's cold. "Yeah. I figured. I dunno if you're new to the game, mister Winchester, but I'm surprised you didn't recognize my last name. My parents seem to be pretty famous in you circles."

Shit. Bobby has mentioned notable hunters, and the Harringtons were definitely on the list. A hereditary family of hunters going back four generations, impressive for their career choice even without their rap sheet. And John's just met their fucking kid.

"don't worry about offending them, though. I guess I'm just here to tell you to get the fuck out of Hawkins." He says it with a board expression, as though this interaction is barely

"what?"

Steve blinks at him lazily. "Hawkins is my town. I know most hunters aren't exactly...territorial, but I am. The town is under my protection, and any and all other-natural occurences are my purview."

It's then that John realizes what the Cheif was doing earlier. The odd face he made. He'd been sniffing him. A goddamn werewolf. He stiffens. This was a trap.

"it's not a trap, mr. Winchester. You're free to go. But spread the word. Hunters aren't allowed in Hawkins. Roane county, actually. If I hear about a Hunter coming into my town for anything other than a fuel top-up, they'll regret it."

John is. He's furious at this fucking child who dare to-hes just letting the beasts run amok in town and preventing anyone from doing anything about.

Harrington stands, arms crossed.

"I'd better not hear whispers about Hawkins, either. It's my town. I'll handle it." He grins. Opens the door of the office. "And, you might want to double-check that the government hasn't already been through a town with a shitty cover story already, Mr. Winchester. Might break your cover." He waves with his fingers as John spins on his heel and avoid looking at the glares he's getting for half the folks in the station.

-----

Dean checks the address on a source he was directed to by the witnesses, a one Steve Harrington. He's on a solo Hunt now, since Sammy went off to college his dad had been...tighter. he knows he's not supposed to be in Hawkins, but he's not entirely sure why. No is really sure why, honestly, but it's well known in the Hunter grapevine that Hawkins and greater Roane county is taken care of.

Except, apparently, it isn't. Hence dean being here.

He knocks on the door, which swings open immediately to a thirty-something man who was already talking before the door was fully open, obviously not expecting a stranger.

"didn't know you actually knew how to kno- Winchester." And. Well. Fuck, right? How'd this random guy know dean? The man scowls. "I spoke to your father once. Told him to stay out of my town." He crosses his arms and raises a brow. "So. Want to explain why you're here? I've already handled the whole 'accidentally bewitching people situation, if that's what your wondering."

Dean...isn't actually sure what's happening."uh."

Steve Harrington scowls again. "Fine. Come in for coffee or tea or something. Relax for a goddamn second."

So, Dean sits and let's a cup of coffee be pushed into his hands. He doesn't drink it. Steve rolls his eyes.

"I didn't poison it, promise."

Which now makes Dean think maybe it was poisoned.

"hunters, all the fuckin same" Steve mumbles. Reaches over and plucks the coffee from Dean's hands and takes a swig before sliding it back between his palms. "There. Proof. You'll be fine."

Dean drinks, watches.

Steve watches back.

He sighs. "I'm sorry, about how you grew up."

"huh?"

Steve shakes his head. "Being the child of hunters. It's difficult. Lonely. I'm sorry you went through that."

Dean shrugs. "It's not so bad. Free as a bird."

Steve hums. Sips his own coffee. "Birds have flocks, or gaggles, or whatever other funny words we use to describe groups. Hunters..." He shrugs. "Not so much. Most fly solo or in pairs. Didn't you have a younger brother?"

"how did you-"

"I may not be nomadic, but I still have ears on the ground."

"huh. He went to college."

"ah. Getting out of the life. Good for him."

And suddenly Dean needs to get out. Can't stand this stranger who thinks he knows him, the way his eyes turn down, as though he's sad for Dean of all people. No. No. He needs to leave.

Harrington follows him to the door, leans on the frame as Dean stomps to the Impala. He turns around.

"i don't know what the fuck you think you're doing here, with those monsters on the loose. My dad told me about the wolves you're protecting that're infesting this place. They aren't pets you know. You need a fucking exterminator."

Steve shakes his head. "remember Dean. No hunters in Hawkins. Safe driving."

-----

Dean cannot believe they are going back to Hawkins of all godforsaken places.

Castiel sits beside him in the passenger seat, sam surrounded by papers in the backseat and it should be pleasant, easy and comfortable. But. But they're heading to Hawkins.

As soon as the cross city limits, Castiel cocks his head, interested.

"what is it?"

"I don't...know. something is different about this town."

From the back, Sam huffs. "Yeah, it's got a rogue hunter protecting all the monsters and ghouls."

Castiel hums. "I am not so sure he protects the same creatures you hunt..."

Dean sighs. Fucking great.

Eventually, they pull up to the same house he visited all the way back in '02, and Dean is...sort of nervous. He'd been told not to come back, but really...they needed help. Information. And Steve goddamn Harrington was the best bet they had of getting it.

He rings the doorbell. When it's answered, the door swings open to a man, middle-aged with long greying hair and-shit that's Eddie Munson of Corroded Coffin. That's Eddie Munson of Corroded Coffin answering Steve Harrington's door and calling,

"Steve, sugar, you've got some... specialty guests!" He turns back to them, smiling, and Dean is trying very hard to not make a fool of himself. Tries not to tell Eddie Munson ofcorrodedcoffin that his first album changed Dean's life. He's going to stick with biting his tongue and nodding. Following Sam and Cas I to the living room, sitting down on the couch. He's fine. He's got a job to do. He's a professional.

Sexy middle-aged men have no power over him. He leans into Cas' space slightly.

Harrington walks in, pecks eddiemunsonofcorrodedcoffin on the cheek, oh god, and sits down.

Dean immediately stands up.

"could I, uh, use your washroom?"

Steve blinks up at him, but nods, gestures to a hallway. Dean strides down and through an open door with the light on. He pulls the shower curtain away, an instinct to always check his surroundings, and immediately jumps back as a seal barks at him. He slams the door shut on his way out.

"there's, um. There's a seal in your bathtub. Sorry guys."

Neither Harrington nor Eddie Munson have normal reactions to this piece of news.

Eddie Munson flings his head back and laughs, hair wild around his head.

Steve Harrington sighs and punches the bridge of his nose.

"sorry about her. I said we'd go to lover's lake for a swim later but living in Chicago with lake Superior right there is really spoiling her."

"what"

"one second. Robin!" He yells down the hall. "We have guests! Be decent!"

A few moments of Eddie Munson giggling and Dean decidedly not staring at a metal legend and Steve muttering about seals and soulmates and being impatient pass, and a woman, around the same age as Munson and Harrington most likely, walks down the hall toweling off her hair. She tossed a coat at Harrington.

"oh" this is from Cas. "You are soulmates."

The woman laughs. "Yeah. Figured that one out over twenty years ago." She settle into Harrington's side. "What can we help you with?"

Sam, who is curious but can usually figure out how to ask the questions he wants with out, say, blurting what the fuck do you mean SOULMATES or why is Eddie Munson (of Corroded Coffin) here? And can I get his autograph? It's probably the law school training.

Eddie Munson leans down, covers his mouth with a ringed hand, and whispers into Harrington's ear. Harrington turns to Peck Eddie Munson on the lips and whisper something back, rejoining listening to Sam and Cas as thought they hadn't done whatever that was. Dean grips Cas coat.

All in all, it was actually a successful trip to Hawkins, though Steve give him the same warning when they leave, with very little explanation for it.

Hunters better stay the fuck out of his town.

#steddie #steve harrington #jim hopper #dean Winchester #john winchester #Eddie munson #robin Buckley #human steve au #spn human steve au #finda writes stuff #i cannot believe i wrote spn fic. what is happening #destiel #only hinted but you KNOW its there.#also yes dean does have a celeb crush on eddie OBVIOUSLY.#stranger things #finda's rambles #i just wanted steve telling john wimchester to gtfo of hawkins #snd here we are. deans bi panic in full effect #also should be noted eddie is 100% telling steve about the destiel pining

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hitmeupaep · 4 months

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Little Post 15x18 Thing I Wrote

On a table etched with the names of loved ones lost, Sam finds Dean passed out, surrounded by beer bottles and a closed laptop. If there was one thing Sam knew for certain, it was that Dean would drink himself away first, save the world second.

“Jesus Dean, you're a mess,” Sam says shaking Dean awake and throwing away bottles “I have a lead on what to do about Chuck”

“Forget it” Dean murmurs as he awakes, eyes swollen and burned by blue light and tears

Sam pauses in shock and looks at Dean, he can't place it but whatever is going on with him feels different than their usual dread and defeat

“Forget it? Are you insane?” He watches as Dean gets up and walks away, putting his hand to his eyes, “I get this is hard but we don't have time for one of your week-long binges” Sam spits out

Dean, back to Sam, replies “I said forget it Sam, this isn't a binge. We lost, just take it and move on”

“Move on? the entire world is ending Dean get your head out of your ass”

Dean turns to face Sam, eyes wet and face red with rage “It already did Sam” he yells “It ended 30 years ago when Chuck killed Mom and started all of this, it ended when he killed Jess to bring you back into this hellhole and he ended it again when he took Cas, so please tell me what the fuck you are still fighting for?” Dean spits out, chest heaving and body tense

Sam sees Dean's rage and returns it without missing a beat “I'm fighting for us. I'm fighting for everything we lost, all those people that died because of us, I'm fighting for Cas and Mom and Jack and Eillen, what the fuck are you doing?

“Don't be an idiot Sam, none of that is real” Dean admits from a defeated come-down of rage. Rage turning to pain in seconds “All of it, everything we are and all the people we have loved are because of Chuck”

“Not Cas” Sam whispers into the silent room

Dean tenses at the name, turning away from his brother again

“He was real. You two were real”

Dean puts his hands to his head, trying to breathe in whatever alcohol he has left in his system so he doesn't have to think about this all again

“You owe it to him to fight, he saved you once, now it’s your turn”

Dammit, if only Dean knew how, he would charge into the empty and fix this

“What did he tell you when he first saved you? Good things do happen? Well than prove him right” Sam shouts, moving himself closer to Dean “What the fuck are you so afraid of?”

“Losing dammit” Dean screams out kicking the table leg

Sam stumbles back

“You say all of this and it sounds great but than what? We beat god? Not fucking likely”

Deans words sound like anger but Sam knows his brother well enough to know they come from something much darker “We have to try or else everything we did, everything Cas did, was for nothing”

“Don’t” Dean demands, pointing his fingers at Sam, like a threat

Sam doesn't back down, there's only one way to fix this and its both of them beating Chuck “You know it’s true dean, he saved you cause he knew you could stop chuck”

Sam's words lose their venom, and instead return to a little brother pleading to be heard

“He saved me cause he loves me” Dean confesses like it's the hardest secret he has ever kept

Sam watches Dean go from angry to sad to angry to broken all in the matter of seconds “what?”

Dean exhales like a suicide note “He loved me. and i fucked up, so there’s no fight anymore Sam. we lost”

“Losing Cas can’t be the end Dean” Sam says reaching for his brother

“Well it is. We lost our big win, the ace in our sleeves whatever you wanna call it, and know we have no shot beating chuck, so just drop it” Dean says grabbing the closest bottle and walking off into the bunker.

Followed only by the shadow of a grinning God

#wrote this like a month ago and have been thinking of it ever since #i think this whole idea came from me seeing someone ask “why are you still fighting” and thought of dean #we deserved an angry sam and dean confrontation after cas died #like the potential #the vision is in my head lol #this made me remeber how much i like writing and how i want to write a fic so bad #supernatural #dean winchester #castiel #destiel #15x18 #spn #spn fic ideas #spn fic #supernatural fic #supernatural fic ideas

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nexus-my-beloved · 7 months

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#murder husbands #murder boyfriends #sabriel #destiel #supernatural #sam winchester #dean winchester #gabriel #castiel #i want to write my silly little fic pls help #thank you <3

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heller-castiel · 1 year

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re: deancas

what’re their options on lawnmowers like yes? no? hate the noise? want a non-motorized one? want the lawn to grow free? you can mow the grass but nobody will save you from my wrath if you mow throw the giant clover patches all throughout the yard? fight over it passive aggressively? unite in annoyance over their neighbor loudly mowing at awful times?

i’m obsessed with this

so i think deans all for it. it’s like what is and should never be when he thinks he’s got a normal life and he’s so excited to mow the lawn. i think he likes getting to mow the lawn every saturday, because he has a lawn to mow at all

however i think cas hates the sound. and idk i think he likes the idea of a more natural lawn even though it drives dean crazy, bc dean is performative at heart and he’s like “oh god what’s barbara gonna think of us! she’s gonna be passive aggressive about this!! and then he’s mad about the fact that he cares at all.

also dean has OPINIONS, especially if he’s not hunting cause he’s gotta fill his time on something, so he learns fucking everything about lawnmowers that he can and cas is like that’s nice dear.

i feel like they would be bitchy and passive aggressive about until someone’s like. hey we have a front AND a back yard. why don’t we just. pick one.

so dean mows the front lawn (but cas demands he does it after 12 pm at least bc he likes to sleep in) and cas goes insane curating his perfect yard in the back that barbara has been strictly banned from.

also yes i totally think they’re both pissed when barbara’s husband, frank, mows the lawn at 9am on saturdays and they both try to complain to sam about it (dean trying to figure out if there’s any laws that say lawn mowing at 9 am is illegal) and sam is very perturbed.

#anon i don’t know if you want me to write a fic of this but i absolutely can #i have no idea who barbara or frank is but i dislike them #i think they’re the elderly couple just across the street and when dean and cas complain about them sams like oh they’re homophobic :/#and dean and cas are like oh no they’re daughters a lesbian and they babysit her kid all the time and go to pride and shit #but they’re ANNOYING and that’s UNFORGIVABLE #asks #anon #destiel

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aheavenlycreature · 1 year

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Dean can't help but play the last moments he had with Cas over and over in the months after defeating Chuck. It becomes like a favorite song of his in some demented way. He knows every word, every breath, every pause. If he needed to, he knows he could recite it word by word without a second thought. It fucks with him, Cas' last words. How could it not? It's the worst thing he's ever had to live through, which is saying something given his forty-years in Hell. But even though it was the worst thing he's witnessed, there's a part of him that thinks it's also one of the best moments of his life-- until he remembers how it ended. Then he feels sick to his stomach and guilt for even being able to take some comfort in Cas' dying moments. Castiel, his best friend, declared his love to him. He said all these beautiful things that he meant and believed about Dean. And isn't that so fucked up? That Dean knew there was a catch. He KNEW it. No one gets to be with the one they love like that. Not while there's an angry God wanting them dead and Death quite literally banging on the door. He didn't even get to say it back. He thinks that's the worst part, but he isn't too sure. There's a lot of horrible things about that night. He replays it, trying to find the moment where he could've said it. He can't stop seeing every opportunity he had to say something, say anything to Cas to assure him the feelings weren't one-sided. He can't stop torturing himself like this, but hey-- Dean was a master of torture after all. He doesn't think he can cry anymore. Not really. He's too tired to and he thinks he expelled all the tears he had left in him after he knew Cas wasn't coming back. That this really was it. No deus ex machina, no happy ending. Just Dean having to deal with the knowledge he failed Cas, in every way possible. Instead of trying to find something to save Cas (he's looked through every book they have, thrice. There is nothing), he looks for something else and finds what he's looking for. A potion. A potion where if he drinks it, he'll forget the thing that's causing him the most pain. Bottom's up.

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avengersnewb · 2 years

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After failing to find this fic written for me I want to write a fic where for some reason (an AU version of s6) Cas leaves Dean to do something even purely good but breaks Dean's heart anyway. Dean does the Dean thing, drinking and burying himself under pizza boxes and pie containers until he meets Benny.

Benny is well Benny, protective and sweet and Dean starts to live again, they get close and closer and start dating and then move in together and life is kinda great - except there is something missing of course, because Benny, as awesome, kind and caring and fucking present as he is, is not Cas 🥺 then Cas comes back to town 🙃

now you know how you there is this specific scene that you really want to write (or actually read) when planning a fic? it's the scene where Benny and Cas get into an intese verbal and then physical fight over everything that has happened like Cas is all growly and angry because Dean belongs to him and Benny's like WHERE WERE YOU WHEN HE WAS AN INCH AWAY FROM BREAKDOWN

Benny finally lets Dean go (sobs) and they get back together with Cas, working their stuff slowly but we'll surely give Benny a happy ending with Andrea as well because he is a good bean 🥺

#destiel #dean/benny #have you read this fic? please please show me #I want this but I don't want to write it #but I also do want to write it halp #dean winchester #castiel #benny lafitte

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hells-plaid-angel · 3 months

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#spn #supernatural #dean winchester #destiel #deancas #castiel #cas #fic #Ficlet #Pole #I'm trying to get my ass in gear #As I have time and inspiration to write #Honestly send me through prompts if you want #I just rattled off some tropes I haven't done #Or haven't done in a while #To get the creative juices flowing

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hauntedpearl · 2 years

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blue minutes (ao3)

1.9k, post-canon, Dean/Cas, Fluff and Angst

Some nights, Cas slips out of bed.

The dreams wake him. The memories wake him. Sometimes, the chill in the air wakes him.

And then the world shrinks.

So.

Some nights, Cas slips out of bed.

He presses a kiss to Dean's brow before he does, curls his fingers in the air behind his ear. Feels the soft puff of Dean's breath on his throat.

He lets it be the thing to remind him of his skin.

He touches the things that mark his life as he moves about the house. The iron doorknob. The wooden railing. Picture frames on the wall along the stairs.

He'll sit down, then, in one of the lounge chairs out on the patio. The brand new couch by the fireplace. The hand-painted chairs in the kitchen by the window.

A moment, then another, then another, then another.

The world grows bigger.

If he squints, he can flatten it. The greys and the blues and the purples dissolve into the black. The dimensions collapsing into one unknowable expanse.

Into nothing.

It is quiet. Always, always, so quiet.

His mind is foolish enough to believe that he's back where he once was. Back where he never wants to go again.

He closes his eyes. His heart pounds. His ears ring.

He could scream.

(He is afraid the sound will stick to his throat.)

He could scream.

(He is afraid to find out.)

So, he bites his tongue. Sits in the quiet. Tells himself that this is not what it seems to be.

And it isn't.

It isn't.

When he touches his chest, he feels the softness of his shirt. The warmth of the muscle underneath. The outline of his ribs. The steady thumping of his heart.

When he touches his chest, it swells.

His body breathes, despite his mind.

His body breathes, because it must.

His body. His home.

He turns his palm over, knuckles pointing to the ground, and the weight of the world settles on it.

It is light. It is heavy.

It is.

By the heavens, it just is.

That is how Dean finds him that night.

"There you are!"

The timbre of his voice is low and rough.

And yet.

It fills the world. Lingers in the air.

Cas opens his eyes. Curls his palm into a fist against his sternum.

"Shit, Cas," Dean says, moving around the edge of the kitchen table to kneel at his side. "I woke up, and you weren't there. Scared the living daylights out of me, man."

Cas blinks down at him.

Dean's face, close to his chest. His palm settling over the meat of his thigh.

His skin tingles where Dean touches him.

And suddenly, he is aware.

Of his breath. Of his bones. Of the warmth of his skin.

The breeze whistling past his ear.

He wonders if Dean knows that he carries the world with him. That he brings it into every room with his voice.

That Cas can forget sometimes, and Dean reminds him.

Of this soul. Human, and frayed, and bright.

Of this body.

His body. His home.

Even if he can't see it now, he imagines he can feel the light of Dean's soul — its heat setting the darkness afire.

Something like a shiver races through his body, then. And Cas clutches at Dean's hand.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?"

Dean's frowning up at him. Softening his voice for him.

Cas looks at the way the skin of his forehead creases. At the way his brows tilt.

The back of Cas' eyes sting.

Nothing, he wants to say. Stop frowning.

It's nothing.

Nothing. Nothing.

Nothing.

He cracks his parched mouth open. Cups Dean's cheek in his hand.

Nothing, he wants to say.

Instead, he says, "The weight of the Earth's atmosphere, the pressure of it... that's what keeps you alive, Dean."

The worry in Dean's eyes morphs into confusion. His gaze turns searching.

"About fifteen pounds of air on every square inch of your skin. Remove it, and death comes to you swift. Your blood boils. Your skin stretches. Your heart...bursts open."

The look of abject horror on Dean's face is almost funny.

Almost.

"Uh, Cas...," Dean begins, but Cas cuts him off. Digs his fingers lightly into Dean's skin.

"That's what it's like."

"What?"

A whisper.

A terrible innocence in it.

Cas pinches his eyes closed. Clenches his jaw.

(Nothing, he wants to say. Stop frowning. It's nothing.)

"That's what it's like," he repeats, through gritted teeth, words fighting their way out from behind the lump in his throat, "when The Empty takes you in your vessel. When—"

He gulps, forces the heat crowding his mouth back down into his chest.

Still, his voice shakes.

His lashes grow wet.

"When it took me in—in this body. That was what it was like."

A terrible silence. An echoing one.

Cas doesn't want to look. Doesn't want to know.

He looks anyway.

Dean is gaping at him, eyes wide and bright. The veins in his temples twitch

Cas turns to him fully and brackets his body with his knees.

He cradles Dean's face in his shaking hands and says, "I know it's over. I know it is. You saved me, Dean."

"Cas—"

"You did, Dean, you saved me. But, sometimes. In there, I couldn't — I wouldn't— It wouldn't stop. And now, it has. But—"

There.

There, on his fingertips, a pearl of a tear.

On his cheeks, the cool slide of one.

Their weighted breaths in the space between their bodies.

Cas' gaze flits between Dean's eyes. He clutches Dean harder, lets his palms slide so he can hook his thumbs around Dean's ears.

"I don't know how to forget," Cas says, and his voice is breaking. "I don't know how to forget, Dean."

And he doesn't.

He doesn't.

He wants to, and he doesn't.

When he sleeps, his dreams wake him. His memories wake him.

And the world shrinks. Widens. Darkens.

Takes him back.

He doesn't know how to make it stop.

And he's tired.

Of trying. Of doing it alone.

He's just so very tired.

"I'm —," he begins. Swallows a hiccup that rises to his throat. Blinks, and blinks, and blinks, dislodging the tears. Dean holds onto his wrists, quiet. Waiting.

Cas tries again. For Dean. For the silent tears that graze the base of his thumb.

"I'm tired, Dean. I'm just so tired."

A sob slips past his lips. A wretched thing.

A wretched, broken thing.

"Cas," and Dean's voice is raw. Scraped and sandy and dry.

He bows his head for a moment, then turns. Presses his open mouth to the center of Cas' palm, to the juncture of his wrist, the curve of his forearm.

Then, he stands, taking Cas with him.

Dean wraps his arms around him, holding him tight. Cas clutches the back of Dean's shirt in his fists.

The world is just the two of them.

The world is their rapidly beating hearts.

The world has never been so full.

"Oh, sweetheart," Dean says, his palm cradling the back of Cas' head. "I've got you."

And —

(It's the damnedest thing)

Cas believes him.

He buries his face in Dean's neck.

And for the first time in his long, wonderful, weary life — he weeps.

Dean keeps up a steady litany of soothing whispers. He cards a hand through Cas' hair, rubs circles into his back with the other.

"My darling," he says, peppering the side of Cas' face with wet, sloppy kisses. "I'm here. We're alright."

Oh, sweetheart. Darling. I've got you.

Weeping, Cas notes absently, is a little like drowning. The way the world narrows until all you can hear is the blood in your ears. All you can feel is the water clogging your lungs, your throat, your mouth.

He has drowned before.

He doesn't remember the surfacing. But he had, anyway.

He does so now, too.

There is salt in his lashes. On his cheek. His lips.

His face pressed into the wet spot on the shoulder of Dean's shirt.

He grimaces when the fabric rubs against his skin.

It isn't — pleasant.

He lifts his head and hooks his chin on Dean's shoulder instead. Sets his forehead against Dean's temple. Buries his nose in his hair.

A moment, then.

The settling of his heartbeat against Dean's. The cool touch of a breeze on his itchy, ruddy cheeks.

Something soothing in the air by his ear.

Something incredible in the press of their bodies. The —

—sway of them.

Because that's what Dean is doing.

Dean is swaying them.

Singing under his breath, words that ring familiar through the hazy veil of Cas' human memory.

There's a somebody I'm longin' to see

I hope that he turns out to be

Someone who'll watch over me

Cas' snort of laughter surprises them both.

Dean stills.

A beat.

Resumes this pseudo-dance, nudging Cas' feet with his own this time.

Then—

"I can't watch over you like I used to," Cas whispers, clutching Dean tighter. "I'm not an angel anymore."

Dean stops singing.

And yet.

The music lingers in the air. The impression of his voice. The warm lull of it.

It weaves between their bodies, keeps their feet moving. Keeps them swaying.

"You'll always be my angel," Dean says, his mouth pressed against Cas' temple. "And, hey. It's my turn, anyway. To watch over you. You can rest a while, sweetheart."

Dean told him once, about a future he never thought he'd have.

A home.

Someone to build that home with. Someone to hold.

Children.

Dean told him once, about watching Garth and Bess through their living room window. Arms wrapped around each other, bodies swaying to the croon of their old record player.

Not a care in the damn world at that moment, he said.

Made something twinge here, man, he said, thumping his chest. Made it ache.

Cas wonders what Dean thinks of them, like this. Red nosed and puffy-eyed. Clutching each other, desperate and white-knuckled.

He wonders if Dean's chest still aches.

"I don't know how to make it stop, either," Dean says to him, later, punctuating his sentence with a kiss to Cas' thumb.

Cas lays on his side, facing Dean, letting the tip of his finger trace the freckles on his cheek.

"But I do know that it gets better. With time. You just. You gotta let yourself be miserable, once in a while. Gotta let someone take care of you when you are."

"Mm," Cas hums, tilting his head into the pillow under his cheek. Raises a brow. Presses the pad of his thumb to the corner of Dean's mouth. Says, "That so?"

Dean grins at him then. Huffs a laugh. Rolls his eyes.

He surges up to fit his mouth to Cas'.

Dean kisses him deep and open-mouthed, rolling them over so he's hovering over Cas, one hand buried in the mop of his hair, the other skimming his side.

"Quit bein' such a smartass," Dean mumbles against his lips when they break for air, brushing their noses together.

“You love me anyway,” Cas says, his thumb brushing over Dean’s cheek.

He is awed that it’s true. That he can say it at all.

Dean’s grin softens. Brightens.

(He is awed by that, too.)

And kisses him.

“Yeah,” Dean whispers.

#doe's writing #destiel fanfic #destiel ficlet #spn fanfic #uh...more self-indulgent nonsensical romance for you #i do apologize for serving up barely mediocre content but i had worms and i exist here so this is now everyone's problem #like i wanted to write about dean and cas slow dancing and being sad but they didn't even slow dance until after 1k bro im so bad at #planning this shit. also still writing that one dad dean and jack fic it's coming #also you can literally put this at any point in canon and it'll work #garth and bess reference notwithstanding #deancas fics #feathersforcas #oh lmk if you want to be on the taglist fr because i think im posting more regularly now!

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youchangedmedestiel · 5 days

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What happens when I have a fic idea:

Then:

Eventually I start running in the right direction:

And finally:

Before it's too late. Before the moment is gone. Before the vibe left the brain.

My last idea: Dean is dancing and singing in the library, knowing everybody is out somewhere else. At first he is shy and then he goes wild but by then Cas walks in on him and falls in love all over again.

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destiel-shit-post-mini-bang · 4 months

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Do you like making fanfics and fanart but think you're wips are too silly/no good enough?

Well, this is the theme for this mini bang!

This is my first time running an event like this so don't worry if you're not sure how these events go because we'll all be learning together.

The subjects of the fics can come in all shapes and sizes, you want to write an absolutely unhinged fic about Destiel in the Cars universe? go for it. You want to make NSFW art of Dean and Cas in the Family Guy style? Okay. There's no need for perfection, in fact, imperfection is encouraged. After all the show itself isn't perfect so why should all the fan-content be?

This event will go by quicker than some bangs both to not take time away from other people's events, and also to makes sure you all don't have time to overthink what you are creating.

A link to the sign-up form will be posted on the 25th of January!

For a link to the schedule click here

For a link to the rules click here (Discord link included)

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quickreaver · 2 months

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Feeling spicy today...

So you got this "SPN fandom polls" account that gives no shits about any sort of earnest outcome; all they want is to block Sam fans and "win" any poll that frontlines Dean, Cas and Destiel. Like, why not just make all your polls Destiel-centric and distribute only to Destiel shippers, if what you really want to do is pretend Sam doesn't exist? Oh, wait, it's to piss off Sam fans and start ship wars. Ahhh, okay. What are you? Twelve? This one is particularly hilaribad, given that canonically, Cas is the third wheel. Literally, anyone that comes between Sam and Dean is eventually third-wheeled, once the show's writers are done with the drama, but Cas was third-wheeled in text. On the show. Like, legit. We gone done knew that a good chunk of D/C shippers think third-wheeling Sam is adorable. It's all over their fics. But does it really feel like actual success to win a rigged poll?

If you've gotta cheat to win, you aren't really winning. Go write your fics, my babies. That's what they're there for. You're not gonna change canon, as much as you try. Alternative facts? Yeah, nah.

#spn whinging #third-wheel Cas vs. third-wheel Sam #pollsnatural you sux #canonically Cas is the show's third-wheel #I don't make the rules #or the polls clearly XD #i love you so much my baby brother HURHUR

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dykeydean · 2 months

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fic recs

aka, i read too much fic and need to share my favorites

gorging myself on you, still can't get enough (insatiable) - sobsicles

i love this so much. casual confessions from dean. insanely horny and conflicted cas. grocery store confessions <3

rating: M

how we're stuck in entropy - shineforthee

unfinished as of now, but worth it imo. sam makes a deal for cas' life and dean has to grapple with grief and mourning. amazing commentary on grief and dean's mindset, and great destiel

rating: E

don't stop, don't slow - hedderstheowl

trans cas and cas being so surprised by how good sex is with someone he loves

rating: E

love's such an old fashioned word. - hedderstheowl

same author as above bc i cant get enough of their fics. i LOVED this concept and characterization of cas. cas gets revived but doesnt believe hes out of the empty, and treats the world around him accordingly.

rating: E

ignite your bones - ilovehowyouletmefall

such powerful storytelling and writing. loved this front to cover. dean kills sam to get the world back- the remaining of tfw 2.0 grapple with the after effects. dean deals with grief, homophobia, and cas' confession.

rating: E

this whole trilogy but namely sam winchester, ally at law - alittleduck, amidsizedfrog

sam wants to be an ally soooo bad but dean refuses to be an acceptable queer. love this characterization so much

rating: T

the cheapest room in the house - biggaybenny

dean downloads grindr for cas to meet guys and gets jealous when cas talks to guys. angst with a happy ending

rating: E

psalm 40:2 - unicornpoe

cas time travels to meet dean pre-hell. pre and early seasons dean my beloved <3

rating: E

benedictions - kalmialatifolia

priest cas and writer dean. unfinished but i think about this fic at least 3x a week. if you enjoy fleabag, youll enjoy this fic. if you enjoy priest porn, youll enjoy this fic. cannot recommend this enough

rating: E

everyone knows the year doesnt stop until april- fleeceframe

first of all, go check out this author right now i love ALL their fics, but this one stuck with me. early seasons destiel. cas has so much love he doesnt know what to do with it. case fic

rating: M

gold in the edges of our vision - sewingnatural

i fucking love this so much. absolutely amazing religious imagery and symbolism. dean and cas share peaches on a roadtrip and are in love about it. fic that convinced me to go on a roadtrip this summer

rating: T

juxtaposition - rhinestoneangels

this fic is short and amazing. interesting prose, dean in hell, religious imagery. mwah love it

rating: G

where the heart is - goldenraeofsun

claire fic of all time if i do say so myself. claire time travels to s7 and hunts with dean before making her way home. i adore this one so much

rating: M

here, bullet, here - a_good_soldier

dean and his relationship with violence. contains pre series dean and post-canon destiel. named from a poem, this one hits you right in the heart

rating: T

use cinderblocks to build a stairway - pollutedstar

dean, sex work, ptsd, and self worth. heed the tags!! heavy fic but thoroughly enjoyable

rating: M

the soul burns brighter than the sun - wow_thisiswheremylifeis

post-canon fix it. cas escapes the empty and effectively breaks it, while telling everyone but dean that hes alive. they grapple with their relationship and fixing the empty. love it!!!

rating: E

let's take a drive - sobsicles

another sobsicles fic because theyre all 10s. jack reverts to baby age, cas is protective, dean and cas have a complicated relationship. amazing fic with amazing feels. best tag ever: maybe we're all a little scared and that's okay

rating: E

the eye is a mouth. - zeke21

dean, sex work, god, a study on the relationship between all three. fucking amazing fic, really nailed chuck's presence in this. go check out this authors other works too, they're all mind blowing

rating: E

asterism of an f-series ford pick up - disabled_dean

altered my brain chemistry a little bit i think. cas and dean go on a roadtrip and dean is exceptionally horny about it. dean is not normal about love and thats okay

rating: M

maybe i like pleasure pain - tothewillofthepeople

another one that wrecked me entirely. one of the best cas centric fics out there, this fic focuses on cas' recovery post-empty. lovely dialogue and imagery, just amazing all around

rating: M

wyoming, january 1996 - luulapants

THEE dean 17th birthday case. fucking amazing storytelling, takes johns journal entry and runs with it.

rating: T

between sex and death and trying to keep the kitchen clean - ftmsteverogers

jupernatural, kid jack, post-canon fix it with empty confession misunderstanding <3 love it so much, this author is so talented :)

rating: E

#fic rec #masterlist #ezra posts

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fellshish · 2 months

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just felt like letting you know im makin my way through your spn bookmarks on ao3 and its saving my life 💚 do you have an ultimate-nothing-compares destiel faves from the bunch?

YES omg these are the fics that rewired my brain changed my life etc:

And this your living kiss (M, 56k): au where dean is a self deprecating former poet who used to write anonymously under the pen name jack allen. Now he’s finding his way back to loving poetry by taking a class at a college taught by professor novak… only he doesn’t know professor novak happens to be the number one jack allen scholar in the country. Amazing. Inspiring. I’ve reread it several times and it’s probably my favourite fic of all time

The cheapest room in the house (E, 89k): one of those fics whose writing i’m jealous of, it’s mind bogglingly good. And hot. The destiel grindr fic — cas downloads grindr and dean helps him. The rituals are SO intricate. But really, nothing i could say could do justice to how good this is.

Fenario (E, 47k): cas empty rescue fic. Certain paragraphs and scenes are just seared into my brain, amazing writing. I still think about “Cas’s legs give out and he pitches forward, falling the rest of the way into Dean’s lap in a mockery of a pieta” — that’s the point where i knew this fic was gonna become a fave

Right where you left me (E, 93k): cas comes back from the empty but it’s years later. He rings the doorbell and finds dean married. This fic was an event while it was still updating. Supremely well written and with an emotional maturity needed for the theme

Am I a man or am I a muppet (G, 7k): one of the funniest fics i’ve ever read. Dean wakes up as a muppet. Just roll with it! It’s crack, sure, but so good?? This inspired a scene in one of my gomens fics even

Burn this into your brains forever (E, 10k): to me this is an underrated fic for how funny it is. Fake dating between dean and garth but don’t worry, it’s a destiel fic

Half empty (M, 37k): more of a dean study. Reads like you’re dreaming and nothing makes sense. Dean is confused about everything. Kind of a mysterious vibe, excellent writing

There is rest for the wicked (G, 14k): sleepy, domestic dean. The destiel happens so…. Idk. Naturally. It’s a fic that really stays with you for a long time

Ninety one whiskey (E, 401k): one of thee destiel fics of all time. It’s famously a must-read and for good reason. A war fic, so quite heavy and not for everyone. But an absolute experience. I read the last few chapters in bed middle of the night tears streaming down my face. Simply iconic

A winter’s tale (T, 64k): this fic forever changed the way i see cas’ human arc on the show. Not super destiel-y but can be read that way. Again quite heavy. Northernsparrow is an excellent writer.

The dean winchester beat sheet (E, 144k): au where dean is in college and in complete and utter denial about his sexuality. So supremely funny. I will say this dean is not for everyone. But to me he is iconic and i think about certain scenes still. Forever changed the song i want to break free for me.

What has eight tentacles and isn’t allowed to eat pie? (T, 16k): basically uhhhh dean gets turned into an octopus. HEAR ME OUT. This fic will change you fundamentally as a person. It’s funny but also smart. A classic!

Maybe it really is the end (M, 2k): it’s short but there’s not a word out of place. Basically, belphegor taunts dean and cas while in the body of jack. It’s so good and so underrated. I think about it all the time

How a grocer watches dean pull his head out of his ass in seven days (E, 51k): destiel written from an outsider pov, a christian lady who’s easily scandalised and whose narrative voice is SO hilarious. One of the funniest fics i’ve ever read. Fake dating too!

#destiel #my asks #destiel fic recs #fells book club

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