#covid hasn’t stopped happening lol
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this might be a hot take but i think we should still be required to wear masks on airplanes
#my parents got covid for the first time from flying back in february :/#i still haven’t gotten it but i fly a lot and i flew today and there was barely anyone masked#covid hasn’t stopped happening lol#yeehaws
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Petrichor [16]
Pairing: Jason Todd x Fem!Powered!Reader (little bit of fwb)
Words: 13,749
Chapter Warnings: Swearing, angst, fluff, blood, gunshot wound, a little bit of gore, mentions of death, panic attacks, hurt/comfort
Summary: ❝Pylades: I’ll take care of you.
Orestes: It’s rotten work.
Pylades: Not to me. Not if it’s you.❞
Gotham is home, not just for Jason but for you, too. And now that you’re both finally back home, together, you’re ready to see where this next chapter brings the two of you. He’s your best friend and you’re his. And you both might want a little something more with being back home, the place you both feel most comfortable. Surely, nothing could possibly go wrong now.
A/N: Hey!! lmao so sorry for the super late update. I was sick and then some personal stuff happened and then I thought I got covid so yeah hi lol I'm so sorry lol This chapter was like 20k+ words so I split it into two because that was a lot lol You can add yourself to the tag list below, ask me to be tagged, or you can follow my library blog @jasntoddslibrary and turn on notifications if you prefer that!! I love feedback, I swear it keeps me posting on a weekly basis 😭
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Jason is stuck pacing back and forth in the room he’s calling a bedroom now. Worry has taken every part of him as his hand grips his phone like a vice. It’s been hours. He hasn’t heard from you or Dick or Gar. He hasn’t heard from anyone and he’s tried calling you seven times. But, your phone is off and your phone is never off. That is the one thing about you, your phone will never be off unless there is a reason for it and being hurt isn’t a good reason. Not to you. The only time your phone even dies is…never. Jason thinks about it and he doesn’t think you’ve let your phone even reach 20% in the entire time you’ve known each other. He thinks it’s probably so someone can always find you and you can always call for help because you’re almost paranoid about it dying. Your phone doesn’t die.
That leaves Jason thinking the worst of the worst. If your phone is off, that means it has to be dead or you shut it off for some reason but that’s uncharacteristic of you. So, he thinks maybe it did die and if it died, that’s because you didn’t charge it. If you didn’t charge your phone, it’s because you were physically incapable of charging it. What if something really bad happened? What if you were shot somewhere else? Jason knows Crane wanted you taken care of, maybe he shot you twice but you’re really good at hiding your pain when you need to. Adrenaline probably kicked in and shock, you were scared for Tim. Maybe you didn’t realize how bad it was. What if there was a complication of some sort and something bad happened?
Jason’s mouth starts to water as his eyes burn. His brows pinch together hard as his teeth grind so hard his jaw starts to ache. He was brought back. But, a part of him really hates that he was. Would you want to be brought back? If you died, would you want to be brought back like him? Jason comes to a stop, trying to steady his own breathing as his leg aches and burns. The scars on his chest feel like he’s being cut open again. What if you don’t want to be brought back but Jason did anyway? What if you did, and he does nothing?
What if you did die?
If you did die…Gar would call him, right?
Gar would definitely call, Jason assures himself. Gar would call immediately if something were happening. He has the number now and Jason’s ringer is on with the vibration set to strong. He has no missed calls but he’s certain Gar would call. If not, he would have called Molly and Molly would have found a way to call Jason. If you were dead, one of them would call him.
And then Jason swallows his own heartbeat as his phone starts ringing.
Gar.
“Hey.” Jason clears his throat, trying to keep himself together as he tries to prepare himself for the worst news he’ll ever get.
“Is she there?” Gar asks and Jason can hear the worry etched in his voice.
“Uh…no?” Jason questions and he’s not sure if he should be relieved or panicked with Gar not knowing where you are. At least he’s not calling to tell Jason you’re dead but that does not rule out you bleeding out in a ditch somewhere. “I told her to go with you.”
Gar sighs on the end, running a hand through his hair. “She took off. I thought maybe she went to find you but she was hurt and she’s not answering her phone. Molly hasn’t heard from her either.”
Jason already figured you wouldn’t go to Molly. If you went to Molly, she would worry, give you a look you don’t like, and you’d run away again anyway. The last thing you’d want to do is drag Molly into it further. But, Jason really hoped you’d have listened for once and just went with Gar. Or at least sent a text to one of them to let them know you’re okay or not.
“She hasn’t been around.” Jason keeps his voice quiet and he looks around his room as if the answer is going to be written on the walls.
“Uh…hey, I know this…might not be what it’s for, but can you track her? She was shot and we’re all really worried.” Gar’s voice is hesitant as he scrunches his nose, hating the idea of having Jason do it. It feels like an invasion of privacy, especially Gar being the one to ask but it’s a last-ditch effort.
Of course, Jason’s been thinking about it. But, something in him can’t get himself to do it. On the small chance you did shut your phone off, that means you don’t want to be found. Jason can’t overstep, he can’t intrude on you. Even if he is desperately wanting to because you could be dead. He thought maybe he’d give you twenty more minutes and then he’d just do it anyway.
“Have you looked for her?” Jason asks, eying his tablet you left out.
“No, I called you first.” Gar admits. Honestly, Gar doesn’t even know where to look but he knew Jason would.
With no one out looking for you, maybe they don’t have to track you and possibly invade your privacy. If you’re just blowing off steam or punishing yourself, Jason knows exactly where you’ll be. He figures, if him, Gar, and Molly can’t find you within an hour, checking all of your spots, he’ll use the tracker.
“Okay, you and Molly go look for her at her usual spots. Molly’ll know ‘em and I’ll check a few others. If we don’t find her in an hour, I’ll track her.” Jason nods his head on the other end.
“Do you think we’ll actually find her? I mean you know how she is.” Gar isn’t trying to be pessimistic but it’s been hours and he thought for sure, you would be with Jason.
Jason can feel the panic attack starting to course through his blood. His heart is racing and his hands are growing clammy and he’s getting unreasonably angry. It is not Gar’s fault because even on a good day, getting you to listen is like pulling fucking teeth, especially when it has to do with taking care of yourself. Jason knows this better than anyone but he’s mad anyway and he knows it’s the panic attack. You were fucking shot and he took off so he’s mad at himself for listening. And he’s mad that you were shot and Gar didn’t stop you. He can turn into a fucking tiger for fuck’s sake, couldn’t he have turned into a tiger to stop you? Tackled you to the ground and pinned you there, dragged you to the manor kicking and screaming if that’s what he had to do. You were shot and maybe you’re dead now and he didn’t help. And Jason didn’t fucking help.
“Fuck! Gar, then you should have fucking followed her!” Jason snaps and immediately feels bad about it but any part of him that should apologize is washed over with guilt and regret and more anger. “Just go fucking look for her with Molly and I’ll look other places.” Jason grabs his coat from the bed and heads for the door.
“Where should we start?” Gar is quiet on the other end.
“The zoo.” Jason spits right back without even thinking. “Start there, then the harbor and I’ll–” Jason cuts himself off as he swings the door open, seeing you right in front of him with bloodshot eyes and blood-stained clothes and hands.
Gotham never sleeps. It never stalls. Everything is always moving, always loud. There is always something going on, people always going from one spot to the next in their lives. In some ways, it’s a little comforting. A reminder that you are here. You are here and alive like all of the people you passed on your walk here living their own lives. On the other hand, you wish it were quiet sometimes. You wish it were quiet sometimes because everything seems too much sometimes and your skin crawls while your heart feels like it’s going to beat out your chest. Your head spins and everything feels too much. But, it was quiet in the basement. It was quiet in the tower before you were attacked. It was quiet in the tunnels. It was quiet when you found Jason. It was quiet when Tim was shot. Maybe quiet is the surrounding air grieving for the mess fate’s created.
So, you stand in Jason’s doorway because quiet with him, alive and breathing, has always been the safest place to be. You stand weakly, haunted by everything that’s happened as the very idea of existing physically pains the deepest parts of your heart.
It’s hard to go through the same shit all the time. You’re just supposed to be fine with it. It’s happened before and you got over it, so you can get over it again, right? At some point, someone reaches the end of their rope and you think you might be there. It is the same pain over and over again and it never gets any easier. Time passes and it all just hurts anyway. People say time heals everything but you don’t think that’s true because you think about your mom dying and it’s like the wind’s been kicked from your chest all over again. You remember Jason’s body and it’s like you're being waterboarded. Time doesn’t heal anything. It’s not even like you’re used to it. You were just traumatized and avoid thinking about everything so it doesn’t fucking hurt so much. But, even that’s just exhausting. Existing is hard and tiring and painful.
Maybe you’re just tired of being in pain.
Your bottom lip starts to quiver and you always felt safest with him. Even from your own thoughts. You never felt too much pain around him. He always knows exactly what to do and it’s all too much right now. Being alone doesn’t work anymore. So, you stare up at him as Jason’s brows pull together with a cross between worry and relief.
“Jason?” Gar calls. “You there?” Gar asks.
“I got her.” Jason says. “She’s here. I’ll call you later.” Jason says quickly before hanging up. “Hey.” Jason’s voice is soft and careful, noticing you’re not making eye contact with him.
You walk the couple of feet up to him as Jason keeps his stance, almost ready to do whatever you’ll need. And all you do is lean forward and rest your forehead against his chest. Jason lets out a breath and you’re able to pull one in for the first time. Jason rests his hand on your back, rubbing up and down slowly as he hears you sniffle against him.
“Gar was calling in a search party. Where the fuck were you?” Jason asks and he should have some sort of bite in his voice but he’s too worried and too relieved.
You look back up to him and shake your head. “Walking. I couldn’t-I couldn’t…do it.” Your jaw squares as you try to hold back your own tears. “S-sorry..I-I didn’t mean to…to, uh, worry you guys. I-I just…just couldn’t.”
Jason nods with understanding, looking you over and it doesn’t look like you took care of the gunshot wound. Your clothes are soaked and your hair is an utter mess. There’s blood on your face and he swears your cheeks are stained with tears and you actually look cold.
Jason rests his hand on your cheek and you finally meet his eyes. “You alright?” Jason asks softly.
“Hurts.” You mutter and his hand almost feels like it’s burning your cheek. He’s so warm.
“The gunshot?” Jason questions, almost afraid of the answer.
“Everything.” You answer weakly with defeat.
You've never seen his look on him before. His jaw is squared but it’s soft rather than harsh like he’d been trying to shatter his own teeth. His brows are pinched but not completely pulled together and they’re aimed downward, etched in worry. His eyes are scanning you over every few seconds as if he’s stuck between thinking you aren’t really here and terrified something really bad is about to happen. Jason Todd worries and you've seen him worried plenty of times but this is different. You've seen him scared, too, plenty of times. More times than you can really count. But, this is different. It’s a different look and it’s because it’s you. And that look alone, chops and hacks at the barrier holding you together until it finally crumbles at your feet.
“It’s all my fault, Jay.” You sputter as you feel your eyes starting to water again. “It’s all my fault and I really fucked up and Tim could die or he did die. I don’t even know cause I left and I’m a fucking coward for leaving and it’s all my fucking fault.” Your mouth waters and you can’t look at his eyes because it’s all too much. “And there was so much…blood again. And the last time…it was you and it was horrible and I lost you and I couldn’t do it again and it just hurts all the time.” You suck in a shaky breath. “And-and Gar would say it’s not my fault and he’d give me the look but it is my fault. And Dick would be mad at me and I deserve it but I can’t hear it right now because I don’t know if I can handle it. And….it’s just-it’s just my fault. And I don’t know if could save him but I tried and I tried to save you, too.” You sputter before a sob finally rips through your throat. It bounces against the walls in a strangled and broken wail as if the very life you've lived has finally taken its toll on you for the last time. Jason isn’t sure he can listen to it because it physically pains him to see and hear you like this.
“Y/n.” Jason tries to get out but you shake your head.
“I tried really fucking hard to save you and it didn’t work. And I had to call Bruce and beg him to help me and he couldn’t and it was so fucking horrible and painful and scary.” You try to suck in a breath as tears scatter down your face. Everything is just wet and ugly, and burning. “It was so bad and I was so alone.” You suck in a ragged breath, your voice cracking and breaking between sobs. “Because Molly didn’t know and fuck Bruce and Gar wasn’t here. I was so alone and it was so scary because there was so much blood and brain matter.” Jason almost winces hearing it. “I don’t know if I would have been able to recognize you if you didn’t have the fucking Robin suit. It was so fucking bad and it hurts to think about and believe it happened but you’re here. And then Tim gets shot and there’s so much blood and I had to ask Dick to help and it’s like I’m there with your body again and it’s scary and it’s painful and I hate it. I hate how much it hurts. I hate doing this. I hate that it keeps happening.” Your chest heaves as you look at Jason with tears soaking your cheeks and your eyes finally meet his. And all Jason can see is defeat. “What if it just keeps happening?”
Jason shakes his head and every single time he is reminded you were the one that found him, he sends himself into a guilt-ridden spiral. Of course, you found him. That isn’t the issue. The issue is what it looked like from your perspective and the devastation it caused. He knows. He knows what it is like to find someone you love dead. He knows and it’s horrible and painful and devastating. It makes someone feel completely hopeless and helpless and useless. There has never been a time where he felt more helpless. And then he put you in that same position, not on purpose. But, he did and it was worse because it was gorey and traumatizing and he left you. He didn’t realize how badly it had traumatized you. It traumatized him, too but it affects you.
Dying doesn’t just happen to the person that’s dead. It happens to everyone around them.
“I’m so sorry.” Jason says softly, sliding his hand off your cheek. He shakes his head, biting his own tongue because he almost wants to cry with you. “I’m fucking sorry.” Jason wraps his arm around your shoulders as he pulls you into him. He’s careful not to hug you too tight, minding the gunshot wound he knows he’ll be taking care of for you later. “You’re not coward.” Jason manages to get out as he tries to come up with an answer for you even though he doesn’t think he’ll ever have one. The reality is that it will keep happening.
“Yeah, I am.” You argue back before you look up at him. “What fucking person just leaves as their friend is bleeding on the ground?”
“Someone who’s fucking traumatized.” Jason bites back. “Someone who was also fucking shot and in shock. You tried to help him and me knowing the shit you’d get for it. You fucking knew I went after the Joker and you show up alone, ready to take him on by your fucking self if you had to. You think that makes you a coward? What’s that make me then, huh?” Jason questions back, knowing you’ll never think of him as a coward, even if he sees that in himself sometimes.
“Not a coward but that’s different.” You argue.
“Fucking how?” Jason spits back. “You left Tim with Dick and the rest of the Titans who would know what to do. You were also fucking shot.” Jason shakes his head.
Jason wonders if this is what it's like dealing with him sometimes. Going round and round, circling the drain into a self-destructive spiral that only seems to have one result. It's not that he minds, it's that you think this. You're anything but a coward and Jason can't even figure out how you could think otherwise. You always do what you think is best for yourself and for the people you care about. Always. And you fight tooth and nail, as hard and as fast as you possibly can for what you believe. That's not cowardly.
“I-I know but…” You sniffle as you shake your head. “H-how can I keep doing this? I mean…losing people and the blood and….how can I do this for other people when I can’t even save the people I love?” You ask bluntly. “That’s shit, you know? We’re supposed to be out helping people and…and I can’t even…I fail with the people that matter. So, what’s the point?”
Jason would be lying if he doesn't question what the point is half the time, especially over the last few days. What's the point of living if this is even how it plays out? Pain and chaos, destruction and lonelienss. It's all pretty miserable, actually. But, he holds on anyway because it wasn't always like this.
Shit gets bad and then it gets better and yeah, it is exhausting sometimes. But, it's always gotten better. Jason doesn't know how much better it'll get from here now but he won't tell you that. He just knows he wakes up and he tries because you were nearly beaten an inch from your life and you find so much joy and love in small things that that alone seems to give Jason some sort of hope. And because Gar's family was killed and Gar was experimented on and he is the most optimistic person he has ever met. And because Molly lived on the streets with the death of her parents and Molly is the nicest person Jason has ever met. If all of these people can just be better after everything, than he can't very well just give up. And you can't either. Maybe there isn't a point but you'll never know if you give up.
“You know what you told me? You are the one that said sometimes we fail, that’s part of the job. But, we try.” Jason licks his lips as he sucks in a breath. “You talked me off the roof. Maybe Deathstroke would have tried to kill me or done worse shit if it weren’t for you. Fucking Pete Hawkins bullshit. The kid at Jerry’s. You were the one that fought tooth and fucking nail to save Gar. And you did, by the way. You saved Tim at Excellent Gotham. You failed two fucking times but by my count, you win more often.”
“Three times.” You correct him, earning you a glare. “Gar got kidnapped, we failed then…too.”
“You were both tranquilized and they used kryptonite on Krypto. I don’t think that counts.” Jason nods his head.
“I guess.” You let out a breath, looking to your shoes. “I just, uh,” You sniffle as you shake your head, looking back to him. “I just want the pain to stop.” Your voice cracks again.
Jason doesn’t say it, but he does, too. So, he wraps his arms around you and pulls you into him.
You press your cheek to his chest, wrapping your arms around him as your breathing is still rapid and ragged. But, you can hear his heartbeat in between breaths. It’s fast but steady. A lot quicker than it usually is but it is there. A few more tears leak out as you count his heartbeat and are fully engulfed by his warmth. You hadn’t realized just how numb you had gotten from the cold until now. Your fingers and toes are starting to feel like painful pins and needles. Your arms are burning and your cheek sting from the salty tears. It’s as if you're thawing from his warmth. Between that and his steady heartbeat, you calm yourself down.
“I can try to help.” Jason whispers softly. “If you’ll have me.” Jason pulls away just enough to look down at you and your eyes meet his.
You told him before that you’d come for everything that ever hurt him if it came to it. Anyone that ever wanted to hurt him, would have to go through you. Because he was just Jason Todd to you. It didn’t matter that he could -- should have been able to -- take care of himself. And Jason knew that’s how it was for him, too. Anyone who wants to hurt you, has to go through him. But, the problem is that someone did hurt you…because of him. And he hurt you. Right now you're in pain and it’s because of him. It’s not right and it’s not fair to you but Jason wants to protect you. He’d cut out pieces of his heart and glue them to yours if it would make you feel better. He would do anything in this world if it would make your pain less. Any form of pain that wants to come for you, is going to have to go through him first. From now on.
You nod your head. “Always.” You croak out.
“Come on.” Jason releases his arms and cold rushes itself right back over your body. “Sit on the bed, I’ll grab you some clothes and supplies to clean that shit. We’ll start there.”
“Thanks, Jay.” You mutter softly, walking to the bed and Jason watches you carefully.
He wonders if this is how it always felt for you. He’d come home bloody and bruised, weak and pitiful. Scared and in pain. He never said anything but Jason knows you always knew. Somehow, you always knew when he was hurt and scared. But, it was always him walking through the door hurt, not you. And it was you that would stitch him up. Sure, he’s helped you with your hands, but you did it at least twice a week for months. And you never complained. But, Jason wonders if this is what it feels like.
It feels like he’s carrying the weight of the world for the both of you and he’s trapped in a worrying spin. And he is so fucking sad for you. It’s not pity, but just sadness. It’s wanting the best for you and you to have everything good in this world because you deserve it. And wanting to witness it because he loves you. It’s just wanting to see you smile and happy, making some stupid joke and telling him to fuck off. It’s just wanting you to not be in pain anymore. He wonders if this is how it felt being you and if so, he wants to know so badly how the fuck you dealt with it because he feels like he’s suffocating while he grabs you clothes.
Jason walks back over to you, handing you a pair of sweatpants and a red hoodie. “I got first aid shit in the bathroom so change and I’ll be back.” Jason nods his head at you.
“Okay.” You answer weakly and Jason hesitates for a few seconds before he practically runs off to the bathroom.
You're weak and unsteady as you change into the sweats. You're realizing you haven’t eaten in a while and you haven’t had much to drink either. That’s definitely not helping your mental state and you know it. But, if you were being really honest, none of those activities sound like things you're currently capable of doing. Changing is even almost too much effort at this point. And it fucking hurts as you try to take your shirt off to swap it for the hoodie.
“Need help?” Jason appears right back not two minutes later.
You always hated feeling helpless but not around him. “Yeah, it hurts.” You sniffle softly, sitting pitifully on the bed.
Jason walks over, resting the kit beside you before he lightly grabs the hem of your hoodie. Jason helps you tug it off of your bad shoulder and then over your head, you groaning the entire time. With the hoodie off, you're left in a blue t-shirt and Jason sees where the bullet hole is, covered in red and brown. With the chaos of last night, he didn’t check and wasn’t able to check if the wound was a through and through. Jason's stomach twists at the thought that it's not. But, he hides his worry, looking back to you with a soft sigh.
“How did you wanna do this?” Jason asks bluntly.
Your brows furrow in confusion. “I-I don’t know?” You shake your head.
“I can’t clean it with your shirt on.” Jason sucks in a breath and normally he’d have some comment about seeing you half naked again but he can’t quite muster it this time.
“Oh…” You whisper and you swear it’s fine. It’s not like you haven’t seen each other naked before and it’s not like you didn’t see Jason fully exposed just the other night. There is something that just feels…new and vulnerable again. “That’s fine.” You nod and Jason leans forward again, tugging the hem of your shirt up and over your head, freeing your arm. You grab Jason's hoodie with your good arm and Jason helps tug it onto your good arm, you thankful it's a zip-up and not a pullover. “Guess that’ll do.” You suck in a breath and you're kind of tired of feeling like this. “I expect you to actually help and not just stare at my tits the whole time.”
Jason manages a cheeky smirk. “You know I’m ass guy anyway.” Jason glances down and then back to you.
“Shithead.” You mutter and Jason’s head swims. It’s been so long since you've called him that and it almost feels nostalgic.
“Babe.” Jason quips back.
Jason takes out his phone, examining the gunshot now that there isn’t anything in the way. There’s still blood everywhere and he can’t even tell if it’s because you did such a shit job at cleaning it or if the wound is actually that bad. Something in his stomach twists and turns into a gnawing pain at the thought this is worse than he originally thought. But, he keeps a straight face, not to let his worry cross even a single line of his face. When he worries, you worry.
Jason grabs a wet rag from the bowl he brought in with him, gently cleaning around the area to try to get a better look. You let out a shaking breath, the water cool against your skin.
“Sorry, no hot water.” Jason barely glances to you as he scrubs some of the dry blood away.
“Should probably fix that.”
“Pilot lights are expensive.”
“I have Bruce’s credit card.” You mutter quietly, earning a look from Jason.
He stops, looking up at you fully. “You would.”
“Eat the rich.” You shrug. “Or take their money when it’s offered to you and he didn’t ask for it back.” Jason lets out a snicker before he goes back to cleaning. “You should use yours. It might send up a red flag for Bruce and maybe he’ll call someone back or come back.”
You hate the words as they leave your lips because wanting Bruce back means admitting defeat. But, Gotham has gone to absolute shit since Bruce decided to fuck off somewhere. At least Gotham had some degree of fear and respect for the Bat. They don't seem to like the Titans very much. And Jason's been off his rocker and you've been stuck trying to help him. Gotham does need someone they respect. Bruce should definitely come back. And if for no other reason, to see his son is alive again.
Jason scoffs. “Yeah, fucking right.” He shakes his head in annoyance. “Fuck Bruce. I don’t need him.”
Before he died, he was getting better about talking about his problems and the things that kept him up at night. He was doing better with it but then he comes back and the very idea of talking about it makes him want to crash through a window headfirst onto solid pavement. In all fairness, he already hated talking about Bruce. It was one thing to complain about him but it was an entirely other thing to unravel and dig into actually talking about him. Now, though, it’s worse because every time Jason thinks about Bruce, it’s as if his heart starts to break all over again.
Maybe him getting bludgeoned death was his fault. He knew better. But, where was Bruce? Bruce gave up on him. And then…was going to let the Joker just…live. Jason was supposed to be Bruce’s son and he couldn’t even kill the Joker for him or do anything about him. And maybe, just maybe, Jason could get over that eventually but Jason’s alive again and Bruce is nowhere to be found. With everything going on in Gotham, Jason is certain Dick would have called Bruce and let him know. If for no other reason than to rat Jason out to “dad”. So, maybe Jason feels like he was always a little expendable to Bruce, not just Crane or the Titans. And that part hurts the most.
“Didn’t say you did?” You let out a breath. “Just saying is all.” You pull in a deep breath. “Fuck Bruce, yeah. Just saying.” You, for one, still hate Bruce but Jason hating Bruce seems weird. You chalked it up to the drug at first and Crane but…Jason’s clean. It’s weird, even for Jason. “What’s your sudden issue with Bruce anyway?”
“You got a problem with me having a problem with Bruce all of a sudden?” Jason spits back and he shouldn’t, given your current state but his heartache over being abandoned by him is fresh.
“Oh, no. I am actually fine with that cause fuck Bruce but it’s weird. After all of that shit, you come back and suddenly don’t like him. That’s weird, Jay. Even for you.”
“Never fucking mattered to him. I was always just the replacement for Dick anyway. Doesn’t fucking matter.” Jason dips the rag into the water, rinsing some of the blood off before going back to the wound.
You furrow your brows, trying to figure out where that’s even coming from. “Uh…not true? Bruce is a fucking weirdo and shit but I actually think he gives a shit about you, Jay. Outside of Robin and Dick. You always said that, too. Like deep down you knew that, so what is it now?”
Jason grows more and more angered but he knows you aren’t going to drop it. “You were fucking right, alright?” Jason snaps back. “Should have killed the fucking Joker because he killed me. So fuck him.” Jason keeps his explanation short.
“Right yeah, had he just killed him, you wouldn’t have died and it doesn’t make up for it because too little, too late shit, but like…he did—“
“Can you fucking drop it, please?” Jason’s words come out more as a demand rather than a request. “I’m done fucking talking about it.” Jason looks at your shoulder from your back, seeing there’s no hole in the fabric.
“Sorry.” You say softly. It just doesn’t sit right with you. You’d still be pissed at Bruce, too because had he killed the Joker in the first place that wouldn’t have happened but that’s…not really Jason. He doesn’t hold many grudges and Bruce did kill the Joker. It was a little late for that but he did, to avenge Jason. Bruce didn’t throw his morals away for Dick, he threw them away for Jason and that would normally mean something to him. It’s weird but you know when to push and when not to. You're not in the mood to fight it anyway. “Just thought it was weird, is all.”
“It’s fine. Sorry.” Jason squints at the wound, seeing something shine back at him and his heart plummets. He grabs his phone, shining a light into the wound again. “The bullet is still inside.”
“Figured.” You let out a breath.
“I have to take it out.”
Your eyes land on his and you know this is about to suck. “Okay.” You nod your head.
“Lay back and hold the phone so I can see.” Jason hands you his phone as you do as told.
Jason grabs a pair of tweezers from the kit and he looks at the wound, grabbing your wrist to make sure the light is in the right position. Jason’s stomach twists into a hard knot, knowing how bad this is going to hurt. His leg starts to throb with the very thought of putting you through it. But, it has to be done. You're not going to go to an actual doctor for help and if he leaves the bullet in, it can lead to infection. So, Jason sucks in a deep breath and bends down hovering over the wound, careful not to block the light.
“It’s gonna hurt.” Jason glances up at you.
“Just do it.” You sigh, looking to the ceiling as your grip on his phone tightens.
Jason nods his head before gently sticking the tweezers into the wound. You slam your eyes shut as your jaw clenches. Your right hand grips onto the blanket beneath you as Jason moves the tweezers around. It’s burning and stinging like getting stung by a thousand hornets at once. It’s as if you're being shot in the spot over and over again as tears well behind your eyes. Jason is trying to be careful and quick, but the bullet is slippery thanks to the blood.
Your hand starts to shake as your breath grows rapid and uneven. You try your best to concentrate on anything besides the pain but that’s becoming increasingly more difficult. It was different when you were in the fight for your life. It was do or die and people can do absolutely insane things they should not have been able to accomplish in life or death situations. Your life isn’t in danger right now and even when you try to focus on something else, the tweezers move just enough and you're brought back to agonizing pain.
Given the events that happened, it’s hard for you to focus on anything other than the pain you're been in. You try to think of the good times but then those are tarnished like rusted silverware. Those good memories now come with pain, too. You try to focus on what you’re going to do about Crane because maybe that would kick in your fighting instincts but you're the one lying in a bed right now after being shot by him. Everything around you feels like it’s rusting and chipping away into a toxic pile of reds and browns. Tainted, tarnished, and broken.
Jason glances up to you and he can see the agony written in every wrinkle and pinch of your skin. And he can’t see with the phone basically vibrating in your hand. All he can even feel is anger and not at you. It’s entirely on him and Crane because at the end of the day, it’s his fault and Crane’s how you ended up here. You never should have been shot. You were only there to look out for him. You and Tim were collateral damage. So many people around Jason end up just being collateral damage. And they don’t deserve it. But, at the end of the day, he isn’t the one that pulled the trigger at you and all he wants to do is go right after Crane. Make him feel the same pain he’s put you through. And then worse.
“Y/n.” Jason says, sternly. “You have to stop moving. I can’t see.”
You swallow thickly, trying to stabilize your hand. “Sorry.” You manage to mutter through your gritted teeth.
Jason goes back to the wound but the second he sticks the tweezers into the flesh, you wince and flinch as hard you try to stay still. Jason is no stranger to this and he knows it is agonizing to pick something out of an open wound. Nerves and flesh are exposed that should not be. It’s horrendous and seconds feel like hours. And it’s triggering phantom pain in his leg as his heart feels like it’s being suffocated with barbed wire. He knows it’s bad when you're the one who can’t sit still.
Jason pulls back, putting the tweezers back in the kit before he cups your cheeks. He bends down so his face is just an inch from yours and you open your eyes slowly, your jaw still clenched and tears threatening to finally fall.
“You gotta stay still or I’m never gonna be able to get it out.” Jason’s voice is stern.
“It fucking hurts.” Your voice cracks weakly as you sniffle.
“You were almost beaten to death. This isn’t gonna fucking kill you. You’ll be fine.” Jason nods his head once at you before he presses his forehead to yours for just a second.
You nod weakly at him. “Yeah…”
“Just…stay still and I’ll be quick, alright?” Jason asks, seeing the doubt across your face. “I got you.” Jason offers a weak smile.
“Okay.” You nod your head in agreement.
Jason nods once more before he goes back to your wound. He focuses on the bullet while the tweezers hover above you and you can’t help but notice the lack of shaking in his hands. Come to think of it, you aren’t sure the last time you saw his hand so steady. Jason has always been so steady around you. An unmovable force.
Jason looks back to you, raising his brows as if silently asking if you if you're ready and all you do is nod quickly before looking back to the ceiling. Your grip tightens on the phone while you lock in place with all of your might just to try to stay steady.
The tweezers stick back into the bloody wound, carefully and steadily as they go right to the bullet. Jason keeps his eyes laser-focused on just getting the bullet out and you grit your teeth together as tears come to your eyes. But, you suck in a deep breath as you feel the metal scraping around the wound, clinging onto every part your self-control in order to stay steady. That’s when Jason finally is able to grab the bullet, pulling it out in a steady motion, careful not to drop it.
Jason holds the bullet with the tweezers as a triumphant grin comes to his lips. You peek your eyes open at him, the whites turning a bright shade of pale pink.
“Told you I got you.” Jason shrugs casually but the grin quirks into a cheeky smirk.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah thanks.” You roll your eyes as you sniffle.
“You alright?”
“Yeah, that shit was just, uh painful. I really don’t recommend getting shot.” You lay the phone down beside you before rubbing your right eye.
“Yeah, don’t plan on it.” Jason quips back. “Probably stop hurting soon without the bullet.”
“Be nice.” You let out a sigh. “And Dick really just went to bed like this. What a fucking psycho.”
"Yeah, but you went MIA." Jason narrows his eyes at you because maybe he is a little mad at you for it. They were all worried. He was worried. "You bitch about him but--"
“If you fucking say it, Jason Todd, I’ll kill you again.” You deadpan. “You two are the ones that are oddly similar, okay?”
Jason lets out a scoff. “Bullshit. I’m nothing like him.”
You roll your eyes. “Yeah, you are. You’re different but you’re similar. You just don’t wanna see it. What? You never looked up to him before all of this shit?” You ask.
Jason sits back on his heels, dropping the bullet in the first aid kit with the tweezers to toss and clean later. “What’s to look up to?” Jason scoffs. “Being a fucking kiss ass and a goody two-shoes.”
“Because he was the first Robin.” You state casually. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, about you replacing him and shit whatever. But, didn’t you ever look up to him for even a little bit?”
Jason hangs his head and while he’s always felt less than and a bit like a failure when it came to filling his shoes, he definitely did look up to him. Dick created something so special and surreal when it came to Robin. He wasn’t Batman, he was just a kid in a suit helping Batman and that was cool. Then Bruce had all of these stories about Dick and it always made Jason want to be like him because Dick was good. That’s how Bruce always talked anyway. Jason doesn’t know that Bruce always talked about Jason in the same way when he wasn’t around. And Dick doesn’t know how Bruce would talk about him to everyone else. But Jason heard the stories and how great Dick was. He never wanted to be exactly like him but he definitely wanted to be somewhat like him. Dick’s parents were killed and he got to be Robin. By all that Jason heard, it seemed he made it out of it okay. He had Robin and he got to carry that with him. He got to have a career in helping people (kind of). Jason did want to be like him but the way he sees it, there’s a reason people say not to meet your heroes.
“Still mad about the Joker shit but…uh,” You sniffle again. “Don’t know, be a lie if I said I didn’t look up to him…and you.”
“Me?”
“I always liked your Robin.” You say quietly. “You were different. Felt like we needed your version. But I told you that.”
“Surprised you still think it.”
“I think we need someone like Red Hood.” You state, catching Jason entirely off guard.
“What? Another fucking murderer?” Jason scoffs, looking to the window above the bed before he looks back to you.
He feels so ashamed of it all at times, like right now. It's because you're the one lying here after being shot by someone Jason thought he could trust. He knows deep down, crime in Gotham needs a change. The Bat doesn't fix everything, clearly. There needs to be someone out there that is willing to do more but Jason isn't sure that's him. He already burned his bridges. He doused them in gasoline and lit a match with a smile. He feels like he's on the wrong side and there's nothing he can do to rebuild that bridge to be on the right side anymore. If there's even a right side.
“No. Someone who’s willing to do the heavy and bad shit in order to prevent worse shit from happening. Like I said, I’m not just killing people for you, it’s for all of us and everyone that will come after us. I think we need people like that and people are afraid of you and rightfully so. I dunno. Just my take, I guess.”
“Been thinking about the people I killed.” Jason lets out a breath. “Heavy shit.”
“Yeah, but a lot of that is greater good shit and the other stuff is Crane’s manipulation so you shouldn’t feel too guilty for those.” You shrug your good shoulder.
Jason shakes his head and he doesn't how you deal with any of it. You don't normally deal with much, if Jason is being honest. But, you seem to be dealing with this pretty okay. Somewhere in him, he always felt like if someone were going to go on a killing spree, you would probably be that person. Your morals have never aligned with Dick's or Bruce's. You've always felt like more could be done, permanently. But, Jason's surprised you seem so okay with it and with him killing people.
“How the fuck are you dealing with it?”
You let out a broken laugh. “I’m not.” You answer honestly. “So much shit is happening that I just…can’t.” You shake your head. “Can’t think about it.”
Jaso nods with understanding. “Yeah.” Jason sucks in a breath, deciding to drop the conversation. It feels too much again. Too loud. Too heavy. “Stay still.” Jason leans forward, grabbing the rag before he starts cleaning her wound again.
You watch him carefully. He’s not handling anything well which you can’t say you really blame him for. You wonder what you would be doing if you were in his position. How would you ever forgive yourself for not only everything that’s happened but also being manipulated? Being manipulated isn’t Jason’s fault but you know he’s probably blaming himself for it because you would be blaming yourself for it if it were you. You wonder how he feels about coming back. You haven’t really talked about it and part of that is you're just afraid to ask because talking about him dying nearly sends you into a spiraling panic attack. But, you wonder how he’s dealing with that and if he’s happy he’s back.
Jason’s hands are steady as he grabs the gauze, his brows pinched together with concentration as he goes back to the wound and you find yourself wondering if you were meant to be anyway. Everything seemed so much easier in San Francisco. You weren’t together then and it was all just fun and games. Sure, you both were kidnapped and that was bad. But, that was one thing. Meanwhile, being together in Gotham has been a shitshow since the start almost. Maybe it’s just the butterfly effect but you wonder if it was just you both trying to find solace in each other or if it was as real as it’s always felt. Maybe you were just feeding off of each other’s own self-destruction and avoidance. Maybe being together helped the other one crumble.
Your eyes scan over his face and you realize, you don’t remember the last time you saw his face bruised. But, while you were together, he was always littered in them and almost always had one somewhere on his face like a Jackson Pollock. That solidifies the thought of you. Maybe you weren’t meant to be after all. Maybe you were actually bad for each other. Maybe you being together really was just you both self-destructing, knowing damn well one of you would die and it would destroy you. Maybe being together was always a way to hurt yourselves in the worst way.
And that hurts worse than the gunshot.
You've always been so sure about him. Even when you weren't sure, a part of you was. It was always supposed to be him. Him and you. But, you were shot and you're thinking a lot about how people's lives might be better if you weren't in them anymore. You're thinking about how things might be better for Jason if you weren't together. You skew your own reality, convincing yourself you got together in order to hurt yourselves. That's all it could possibly be. You ignore every thought about you confessing how loving him is the easiest thing you'd ever done. You push every thought of every soft moment you have ever had into the darkest part of your mind where they can be tainted and painted over. You push away everything Jason has ever told you and goes against everything Jason has ever believed about himself and what he deserves. It all feels like lies to yourself. It was just self-destruction because that has to be it, right?
You go back and forth with yourself. One part of you thinking this must be fact and the other part of you thinking it's just because it's a bad day. Everything feels worse on bad days and it is so easy to push everything good into a dark corner and paint right over it as if it were something different entirely. And today is a bad day. So, a part of you screams and begs for you to just ask Jason because Jason wouldn't lie. If it was all just self-destruction, Jason would tell you. He wouldn't lie about it.
“Do you think we were just a consequence of our own self-destruction?” You ask quietly, moving your eyes to the ceiling. "Or...was it like....real?"
Jason hears the question and pauses. He almost questions if he heard you correctly but he glances back to you and you're avoiding his stare which means he definitely did. His heart sinks and he thinks he forgot how to breathe for a second. Do you actually think that? Jason isn’t sure what would hurt more at this point. You thinking that’s all you were to him or that being all you were to you.
“What?” Jason asks, more for clarity.
“I mean like…exactly, uh, what I said. Do, uh, d-do you think we were just a consequence of our own self-destruction?” You chew the inside of your cheek and you regret asking. “Or…was it all real?”
The question hangs in the air like the blade of a guillotine, just waiting for one of you to pull the rope and end it all. The air starts to feel stale and cold and heavy as Jason doesn’t move, processing the question.
He’s not entirely sure where that question is even coming from. This whole time, you've wanted nothing more than him and you've said that. You have told him that he is all you have ever wanted. Why would you just be a consequence? Was he just a consequence?
Jason sits all the way up, coming into view. “Do you think that?” Jason asks bluntly as his breath hangs in the stagnant air. It’s as if he is clawing at the last remaining parts of his voice to remain steady and not shatter and break.
You look back to him, following the hollowed lines of worry of his face. You aren’t sure he’s breathing and you regret asking the question. You don’t even know why you asked in the first place. It’s not like you actually want to know because sometimes not knowing is just better, less painful. And the look on his face isn’t making you feel any better because he looks torn between devasted and angry.
“I asked you first.” You say quietly.
“No.” Jason states bluntly, almost harshly.
Being with you was never him self-destructing. In Jason’s eyes, as much as it all got fucked up in the end, being with you healed more parts of him than he ever thought possible. Being with you actually healed parts of him he swore would never be put together no matter how hard he tried. You made him better. He got to be who he wanted to be with you and shamelessly, you fully accepted him. And he really thought, he could be that version of himself forever because you always convinced him he could. You made him want to put in a hard effort into coming home and thinking twice before doing something a little too reckless, outside of the whole Crane and Joker thing. You showed him what it was like to be loved without conditions. And Jason loves you still. No conditions. No consequence. No self-destruction. He loves you yesterday, today, and he is positive he’ll love you tomorrow and every day after that because he wants to.
“Do you?” Jason asks, choosing not to elaborate.
You swallow a lump in your throat. Despite your own negative thoughts, you know you don't. Not really. Maybe you thinking it is a self-destruction thing, maybe it's your way of trying in order to punish yourself for Tim and everything else. But, no. Of course, not.
“No.” Your voice is quiet and fragile, making Jason’s heart sink because he knows there’s a but coming. “But, uh..we just…we ended up here.” You let out a scoff. “And, uh, I don’t know.” You shake your head. “We said some pretty fucked up shit to each other and I know…uh, I know you were high but, uh…yeah.”
Devasted. That’s all Jason can feel because he’s one of the reasons you even asked. He knows he said some horrible shit to you and he can’t take any of it back. Words are long-lasting. They enter the air and stick to it, absorbing itself into your lungs as you pull in a breath and let it fester there. That’s where the words start and travel to your brain where they store away, pecking at you just at the right moments. No one can take words back and Jason knows that. But, he has to try anyway even if he doesn't think it’ll salvage you. You have to know you meant and mean the entire world to him still.
“I didn’t mean any of that shit, okay? I swear, I didn’t fucking mean it.” Jason states quickly. “I was fucking high and I just wanted to fucking hurt you which is fucked up and I’m fucking sorry.” Jason spits out quickly but with a fire. There is no relief coming to your face and even if you are nothing to each other after this is over, he needs you to believe him. Jason cups your face. “I fucking swear. We weren’t a fucking mistake and you were the best thing that happened to me and I fucked that up. That’s on me. You made me better. I’m fucking so sorry, alright?”
You nod against his hand. And you know. You were also high and none of the shit you said is true. You didn't mean any of it. You didn't even mean the shit you said while you were sober. Maybe it's just a part of you that needs it to be verified today.
“I know and I’m sorry, too. I don’t know. I just get thinking about it, I guess. We both ended up here and it’s just…” You suck in a breath. “I know.” You place your hands over his. “Because I said some horrible shit, too, and then I hit you. And uh…I know. It’s just…that on top of everything else that happened. Like…” You shrug softly. “You died, Jason.”
Jason drops his hands, shaking his head, putting the pieces together. There is no way in hell you really think him going off on his own is your fault. Every piece of that shit plan, was on Jason. It was on him to just wait and get help. It was on him to reach out and get help. It was on him not to trust Crane. Everything was on him. That's not for you to carry.
“You don’t really think that shit is on you, right?”
“I should have seen it.” You sputter. “I should have fucking known, Jay. And the more I think about it, the more I think maybe I did know and maybe I just…let it happen to teach you a lesson about being dumb out there and—“
“Stop.” Jason cuts you off sharply. “You would never let me go after the fucking Joker by myself. You never would have even if you wanted to teach me some lesson. And I don’t think that’s it either. You do the same shit I do.” Jason scoffs. “I went after him. By myself. I do what I always did. I went after him. Alone, And I died alone. Because I never fucking ask for help. That’s not on you. And it’s got nothing to fucking do with us.”
“Yeah, but if you were me?” You question. “You’d be thinking the same thing. There were so many signs and I just…somehow missed every single one of them. I have to think I ignored them and maybe not to teach you a lesson but because I was scared.”
Jason sucks in a breath and he knows you're right because if it were him, he’d never forgive himself. If the roles were reversed, he’d also be questioning how he missed it and maybe he let you do it. Maybe he ignored the signs on purpose. Jason, being on the side he is, knows for a fact you didn’t willfully ignore any sign. You have shown him time and time again that if you have any say in it, you’d never let something happen to him. But, Jason understands why you think that so he sucks in a breath and decides to take some of that Gar advice for once.
“I remember what I was thinking about while the Joker was playing whack-a-mole with my head.” Jason mutters, earning him a grimace and a glare from you.
“Really?” You give him a displeased look.
Jason shrugs. “Well…” Jason sucks in a breath with the quick raise of his brows.
“You do though?” You ask cautiously.
Jason nods. “Yeah, I…I remember everything.” Jason swallows the growing lump in his throat. “Told you that, but…yeah.” Jason nods quickly. “Remember thinking I should have just listened to you. I should have told you because you would have talked me out of it, you would have told Bruce and Dick. I’d be pissed…but you would have helped and I wouldn’t be getting killed. So…just fucking saying,” Jason sucks in a breath and goes back to your wound. “Me dying had nothing to fucking do with you and there was nothing you could have done differently. We weren’t a consequence our own self-destruction. I’m really fucking sorry for all of the shit I’ve put you through.”
Your brows furrow and your heart starts to break again. It must be a horrible task to wake up every single day with memories, even down to final thoughts, about literally dying. You know it’s your own personal hell at this point but the idea of Jason reliving it every single day…it’s worse. And the fact he brought it up without you asking, you know.
“I forgive you, Jay.” You say quietly. “And I really, really, mean that, okay? Your, uh…your last thoughts…were regret?” You ask cautiously.
Jason shakes his head. “No.” Jason answers plainly. “Not all of them.” Jason lets out a breath. The last thing Jason wants is to talk about how the last thing he remembers is knowing he was going to die. You don't need to know that, that's for damn sure.“I-I don’t want to talk about it though. I really just needed you to know that.”
“Thank you, Jay." You watch him carefully, seeing something distant and broken cloud over his eyes. His brows pull together as if he's in pain and his hand starts to shake. You hope he'll talk about it one day. Maybe being brought back isn't all it's cracked up to be. "When you do want to talk, please talk t me.”
“I will.” Jason nods his head at you once before finishing up the wound.
“Maybe we were both just ticking time bombs to get here.” You suck in a breath. “I don’t think we were a consequence and it was real for me. I just…had to ask I guess.”
“Maybe we kept each other from getting here.” Jason nearly mutters the words under his breath before he goes back to fixing up your wound.
You let the silence fill the room as you think about it because maybe he’s right. It wasn’t until he died the two of you fell off the deep end. Sure, things weren’t great for you both mentally but maybe you together helped stabilize some part of you both. Maybe being together was the glue you both needed like a kintsugi sculpture. Putting broken pieces back together to be better than they were before. You both ended up here but maybe that’s better.
In the last two weeks, the two of you have learned more about each other and life and the consequences of everything. Maybe that’s how it was supposed to be. So, you both could be better people today. Maybe you both rely too much on each other to help you mend your broken pieces but that doesn’t mean you were bad together or you were the cause of this. That doesn’t mean who you both are today is worse. Maybe who you both are today is better because it’s honest.
You both are scared but you both are honest and you aren’t letting your fears control every aspect of everything you do. You’re both standing up for yourselves in ways you didn’t think you would. Jason is figuring out his shit now and standing where he should. Where he wants. He’s standing up against people who made him feel worthless, something he otherwise never did too much. Maybe this is who you both are meant to be in the end and maybe that’s not so bad.
“Done.” Jason backs away as you look down, seeing your shoulder bandaged. “Don’t get shot again.” Jason manages the tint of a smirk.
“Gee, I wonder why I didn’t think of that.” You mock him before you sit up and slide the hoodie on entirely.
“Yeah, you really fucking should have. I mean, get it together, babe.” Jason offers a little bit of snark, the smirk pulling at the corner of his mouth.
“Okay, fuck you.” You laugh softly. “Thank you.”
Jason nods his head. “Anytime.” Jason smiles softly at you.
You pull out your phone from your other hoodie and hand it to Jason. "It died and in the chaos, I dropped my charging block." You offer a guilty smile as Jason takes your phone and plugs it into his charger. “So, uh, what’re you gonna do about Crane? Like….fuck.” You roll your eyes.
“Kill him.” Jason spits.
“No.” You shake your head. “I was serious. I wanna kill him.”
“Seriously?” Jason quips.
“Yes. I’m sick of people making you think you’re some fucking monster when you’re not. And he fucking sucks anyway. He did everything to you, he almost got Dick killed, he’s gotten innocent people killed, he almost killed me, and he killed or almost killed Tim. Yeah, I’d like to kill him.” You let out a sigh. “I mean, if you really want to kill him for what he did to you, go for it just let me get a shot in. If it’s for me? Let me do it.”
“It’s kind of fucked we’re even having this conversation right now.” Jason chuckles. “Fine. But, I get a few fucking shots in. I meant what I said, no one gets to fuck with you again.”
“And I meant what I said. No one gets to fuck with you, Jason Todd.” You offer him a sweet smile, something that should feel off given you're talking about killing someone but instead, it brings Jason some sort of comfort.
A smirk grows onto his lips before it turns soft. “Can handle myself.”
“Okay, no the fuck you cannot.” You quip back as you let out a soft laugh. “Just because you can though, doesn’t mean you have to do it alone. I got you.” You smile softly at him. "You and me."
Jason remembers a night a few months ago and he was sitting in the library reading because things were just a little too heavy and loud that day. You walked in and started scrapbooking on the floor just so Jason wouldn't be alone. And he remembers thinking how peaceful it was, just the two of you. He remembers thinking he felt lucky.
In a world where he experiences so much pain and unfairness, he felt lucky in that moment and in every moment he got to spend with you. As much as he loves to beat himself up, especially these days, he'd like to think maybe he can be lucky again. Maybe he can be at peace again one day. If you keep on thinking this and keep a hold on him. If you're willing to not let him do this alone, just as you said all those months ago in San Francisco, maybe you can get back to where you were and maybe you both can be lucky and at peace. Maybe the universe will offer some sort of kindness for the suffering it's caused you both.
“What about the Titans?” Jason asks, clearing his throat and swallowing his own thoughts.
“Right, yeah, I uh, I need to talk to Dick still. I told them it was Crane last night, not sure really if they believed me or not. Hope so. I’m sure Gar did so that’s at least good.” You nod your head a few times, hating the idea of having to explain this whole thing to Dick. You're kind of tired of being the mediator.
“We could just go take out Crane ourselves.” Jason suggests casually as he gets up and walks to the other side of the room where he has a mini fridge seated against the wall.
"While that does sound like fun," You laugh softly because you wish you could actually just do that. It would probably put an end to all of this but Dick would lose his shit. “I have an idea.”
“I hate when you say that.” Jason groans as he grabs two bottles of Gatorade and a box of granola bars from the top of the fridge before he walks back over to you. Jason tosses the box and one of the Gatorades at you before he plops down and scoots himself so his back rests against the wall, his legs extending in front of him. "Assumed you haven't eaten or had anything to drink." Jason explains, cracking open his Gatorade while you do the same.
"Yeah, I haven't thank you." You give him a soft smile before you start explaining yourself, grabbing a granola bar before you start your ramble. “Taking Crane out would be a fun time and he deserves it and most of our problems would likely be solved. However, what if Dick is right? What if he does have something bigger planned that we don’t know about? And then we kill him and like…maybe he poisons everyone somehow or blows up the city? I don’t know. We kind of need to know. And knowing his whereabouts would also be kind of helpful. So, what if you just….side with him still? Be the inside guy, right? And then Dick will really believe us that it wasn’t you who shot us and you won’t have to worry about Dick trying to turn you in, I wouldn’t let him but still.”
Jason pauses, holding the open bottle of Gatorade to his mouth. He's pretty sure you're suffering blood loss because that's insane. It's about as insane as you saying he should take the drug to not go through withdrawal. You're losing your sanity. "He already poisoned the water." Jason states.
"He did what now?" You blink at him.
"Your phone died, yeah. The water is poisoned with something he did so don't drink it. GCPD put out an alert this morning." Jason explains.
"Oh, that's fun. Well, still. It's Crane. You know he has something completely insane planned. Probably." You scoot closer to Jason, sitting on your knees right beside him.
“You want me to work with fucking Crane after he just tried to kill you? That’s fucking insane. Do you know that?” Jason questions with a groan. He wants nothing to do with Crane, even if he could get information from him.
“Yes.” You nod once.
“Fuck no.” Jason shakes his head in the same casual manner before snagging a granola bar.
“Jay, look, okay he thinks he can still manipulate you so let him think that and find out what he’s up to.”
“He won’t tell me shit.” Jason shakes his head in annoyance as he unwraps the granola bar.
“Maybe he will now. If he just tried to kill me and you go back to him anyway, right? Say I turned on you or whatever. That I think it was a setup against me so you wouldn’t have to be the one to pull that trigger. If he knows you’ll turn on me, maybe he’ll finally trust you enough to tell you what’s going on. You’re a pretty good liar sometimes.” You urge him and you know this is an insane idea but it's what you have. The Titans will never figure out Crane's plan without some inside help. They need it.
“You said I was shit liar.” Jason argues, pointing the granola bar at you.
“Well, to me.” You chuckle softly. “I always know when you’re lying but I think you can lie pretty well when you actually need to. I mean, no one figured out you were Robin. And I think that was obvious. I met you and all I thought was that it made sense.”
“This is fucking stupid.” Jason nods his head casually.
“Yeah, well, this whole thing has been fucking stupid. You go back to Crane, work with him and I’ll stay with the Titans. You call the burner when you find shit out and I loop Dick in. You don’t have to physically be home to work with us. You find out, the Titans bring in Crane and shut down whatever shit he’s got going on, then we kill him and you go home.” You explain simply and Jason hates just how convincing you can be.
You make a good point. Jason knows he can lie his ass off, he just wanted to argue. He's worried though because Crane has a way of knowing Jason is lying. It's how he found out about you from the beginning of it all. Jason couldn't just lie because Crane would know. It wasn't exactly a life-or-death situation then though. Maybe Jason wasn't trying all that hard to get away with lying then anyway. Crane admitting his plan would be helpful and Crane thinking you turned on Jason would give Jason enough motive to give up on the Titans entirely. It's not a horrible plan but Jason isn't happy about it.
“Alright fucking fine but this is shit and you know that.” Jason lets out a groan.
“I know.” You smile. “But, it’ll be worth it when his prodigie betrays him in the end.” You scrunch your nose, smiling with pride and Jason can see the light come back to your eyes. He thinks you're gonna be okay.
“You know, kinda hot when you got a plan all ready to go.” Jason offers you a cheeky smirk, his eyes raking over you before coming back to your face.
“I do have my moments.” You grin wickedly at him. “Kind of hot when you actually do what I say.”
“Alright, fuck you. Don't get used to it, babe.” Jason chuckles, shaking his head as the white streak flops onto his forehead. “When we doing this?”
“You could head out now, meet up with Crane and I’ll head back to the manor.” You suggest before taking a bite of your granola bar.
“Alright, just, uh, be careful, please. Let me know if shit happens with the Titans. I don’t want them attacking you for this shit.”
“I got it. I’ve been dealing with them the whole time. Don’t worry, Jay.” You smile softly a him as Jason gets to his feet and stands in front of you.
There's something dark in his eyes this time. He's standing over you as if he doesn't really want to leave. His brows are pinching together in the way they always do when he's worried and his jaw is squaring. He's putting all of the pressure onto his good leg, something you still notice immediately. But, he stands as if he's an unmovable force anyway and the smirk drops from his face.
“I’m serious, alright? Be careful.” Jason sucks in a breath and you've never seen him this kind of protective over you before.
“I will, promise.” You offer him a soft nod before Jason reluctantly heads out.
Jason is still hesitant, keeping his stance in front of you and it feels wrong. It always feels wrong to just leave. But, it's not his place to offer something else in place of him leaving anymore. And he also knows the second he walks back to Crane, that'll probably the last time you see each other until it's resolved. You're going to have to go to the Titans and Dick will likely be watching you closely, to make sure you don't get yourself killed or flip sides again. A lot can happen in a day or a few days and you were just almost killed. It scares the ever-living shit out of him, the very thought of losing you the way you lost him. He hates that he's leaving again. It's what he has to do and he knows that but knowing what he has to do to end this, doesn't make the decision any easier.
Jason leans down, placing his hand on your cheek before he rests his forehead against yours. Your eyes fall closed, a soft and subtle smile coming to your lips.
"Don't do anything fucking stupid and for once, listen to Dick and Gar, alright?" Jason asks, pulling just enough to see your face.
Your brows pull together. "You want me to listen to Dick?"
Jason is still mad at him and maybe Dick wants him dead still. That's always a possibility but something Jason knows, now that he's thinking with a clear head is that Dick does try to protect the Titans. They're his family and he's the leader. And Gar is one of your best friends. The two of them won't let anything happen to you if they can stop it. He knows you taking off had nothing to do with Gar and after last night, Jason thinks Gar would try to actually stop you if it happens again.
Jason's jaw squares, reluctant to say it again. "I'm serious. You got fucking shot." Jason quips.
"Okay." You agree softly, knowing if Jason is asking you to listen to anyone, you should probably take the advice. It always means Jason is very worried and serious. Two things that are a bit unsettling. "I will, promise." You smile softly before pressing your forehead to his for a second. "Now, go, okay? I'll be fine."
Jason nods his head, pulling away and dropping his hand. "I'll call when I find something out." Jason offers one last nod before he turns and darts out of the room.
Jason heads out to an old mechanic shop to meet up with Crane and for the life of him, he has no idea why he's even agreed to this. The only thing he wants to do right about now is kill Crane. He wants to fight him and shoot him and cause him horrendous pain for what he's put you through. He could have killed you and Jason swore no one would ever get away with it. But, now he has to walk in here and pretend he's not pissed about it. He's a good liar, but he doesn't know if he'll actually be able to withhold his blooming hatred.
When Jason meets with Crane, Crane seems to be acting perfectly normal, seemingly believing Jason will always be on his side no matter what. It's something Jason finds to be interesting because he already knew Crane was arrogant. But, he didn't think he was arrogant enough to think Jason would just be perfectly fine with him after being drugged, tricked, lied to, and used. He just shot Tim, possibly ruining his chances of actually going home. He could have killed you. Jason already threatened Crane but Crane seems perfectly fine with everything and Jason's wondering if that's because he agreed to meet.
"You could have fucking killed her." Jason starts with gritted teeth as they walk into the car garage.
"Yeah...sorry about that." Crane says casually. "She was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Sometimes, there are necessary casualties."
Crane is confident in his ability to manipulate Jason. Crane didn't have a single thing on the kid and Jason still spilled everything about Batman and the Titans. It was easy. It might become more difficult right now, but Crane is confident they'll overcome the current hurdle. After all, for the time being, Crane does still need Jason for his own disposal.
Jason wants to explode right here and take Crane out with him. A necessary causality? That's how you and Tim are being referred to? There is no such thing as a necessary causality when it comes to innocent people. Innocent people don't have to die. They don't have to be hurt. It was a choice Crane made in order to get you out of the way. To show Jason Crane is the one still running the show. And Jason has to stand here and pretend like this is all fine and lie. He's ready for this whole thing to be done and over with.
"You were right anyway." Jason sucks up his pride and do as you tell him. For that alone, Jason should get to kill him after this. "She was going to turn me in. It was all a setup, that's why she was even there."
Crane seems to perk up with Jason's words and he's hoping Crane believes him. "I did tell you she couldn't be trusted. That must be so hard to handle right now. But, see, now you know who has your back." Crane offers an eery smile. "Do I need to finish the job now?" Crane asks bluntly and he is definitely asking to gauge Jason's reaction. He doesn't miss the way Jason's hands turn into fists at his sides with his knuckles turning white.
"No." Jason states. "I'll do it." He states simply, releasing his hands.
"Good. Then you'll have nothing to worry about." Crane pats Jason's shoulder and Jason is ready to change the subject. He hopes that'll be enough bait for now.
"What the fuck is this?" Jason asks, switching the conversation as he looks around.
"This is where the victors go to rest their weary heads." Crane says.
"We didn't win." Jason argues. "They were gonna take me back but you fucked it all up." Sure, Crane did manage to poison the water but from where Jason is standing, it doesn't seem like too many people have been affected and with the alert going out, less people will likely drink the water. They didn't win anything.
"So you had a moment." Crane states simply, completely unbothered. "I've had plenty of them myself. Let bygones by bygones. I forgive you." Crane says before he pulls the cover off a yellow sports car. He lets out a sigh, as if to be pleased by the vehicle. "Sprezzatara."
Jason just rolls his eyes before he leans against the car, resting his back against the A frame. He's annoyed and he wants to get out of here. The hell if Crane forgiving him for? As far as Jason is concerned, he thinks getting him drugged was payback enough for him dealing the drug out behind his back. And Crane seems to be growing a little annoyed with him, too as he lets out a sigh before closing the garage door using the button hanging from a cable.
"Show some respect." Crane says sternly. "Sit." Crane depends, lightly gesturing towards a chair in front of a desk with a computer.
Jason does as told, sitting down and slouching in his seat.
"You know who Edward Bernays is?" Crane asks.
"The sauce guy?" Jason questions.
"Eggs and bacon." Crane says, taking a seat beside Jason. "Classic American breakfast. Do you know why?"
"What's this have to do with--"
"Pork farmers paid Edward Bernays to make it so. See, but Edward Bernays, he had this...this uncle, right? Dear old Uncle Sigmund. As in Sigmund Freud. See, and Freud taught Edward Bernays how the human mind worked. And Edward, he worked the human mind. He didn't sell the proletariat bacon. He sold them the idea that a hearty breakfast was what every doctor thought was best for them. After that, the bacon, it sold itself. Edward Bernays understood that an idea is the most powerful weapon we have." Crane explains before he swivels in his chair to face the computer, Jason eying him carefully and he's getting a really bad feeling about all of this. "It's not the product, it's how you sell it." Crane says as he brings up footage of Nightwing fighting some bad guys and Crane is in some type of editing software. "And Gotham is in need of a new product. We now interrupt your regularly scheduled program to bring you a message for the good people of Gotham.
Jason leans forward as the video starts to play, Crane already having sent it out as alert to every person in Gotham City.
Oh no.
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I’ve been thinking this for a while but seeing the Hollands showing up to support Z at the Dune premiere just makes me more convinced that there is no way Tom hasn’t proposed yet. Even though I don’t think they could completely hide a wedding, I could see them still hiding their engagement to stop the amount of attention it would receive and how crazy people would get trying to find out any potential wedding details in the run up to the big day. The only way I can see an engagement having not happened would be if they had both agreed to wait until a certain time for some reason.
Hey Anon!
While you're definitely not alone in your suspicion that TZ are already secretly engaged to each other, I will have to say that this is NOT the first time that the Hollands (and Tom's friends) have supported Z at one of her film premieres in London.
Nikki was there along with Tuwaine, Haz, etc. for the "Dune" premiere in London in 2021! 🥰
The only reason why Tom and Harry weren't there was because they had been exposed to covid right before the event, and the restrictions for covid were still pretty tight back then due to the pandemic.
But I totally agree with you! I feel like something has definitely shifted in their relationship (Tomdaya) since 2021 tbh lol. I'm not going to PUSH engagement on any couple, cuz quite frankly, it's none of my business what people do in their relationships, and I think it's a bit cringe when SOME fans try to force engagement claims on a couple just cuz they've been dating for "x amount of years". 🙄
But just quietly observing the way that Tom and Zendaya have been moving in their relationship over the past 3 years, I would definitely say that their relationship has steadily become more and more SERIOUS over that time period.
I can also TOTALLY see them wanting to keep an engagement super private so that they don't have nosy people in their business, and trying to "catch them" every step of the way while they QUIETLY plan their wedding to each other.
Just my own personal opinion. 🤷🏾♀️
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I honestly think Simon really wanted to push Liam originally but Harry and Niall had more charisma and presence, Zayn had better vocals and Louis was the behind the scenes person writing songs and managing things (tho he also had more charisma in interviews). Liam kinda ended up more in the background as the "basic" one.
You can even see the shift from the first album being so Liam focused to the second one. Niall and Louis didn't even get to really sing till Take Me Home.
It was Nicole who saw the potential in Niall and Harry, because she saw the charm and presence they could bring. Liam was there to do the actual singing, once the others could also sing the part Liam wasn't as center focus because he lacked the elements the other boys had.
Honestly if Zayn didn't have such bad anxiety he could probably be as successful as Harry. But I think he's happier chilling with his family and releasing music whenever he wants without promoting it or anything, he's already rich so I don't think he needs the money anyway.
Niall had a great album with Heartbreak Weather but he stopped promo once covid hit and it was sad because the songs on that album are great. What I love the most is that while all the boys in 1D were just learning how to sing Niall immediately started picking up other music skills like the guitar, it was Niall that later started teaching Harry how to play. That's I think part of what makes Niall so great he's always trying to get better and learning from other people, and he never releases anything unless he thinks is good enough.
Louis is so talented behind the scenes. He wrote most if not all of 1Ds greatest hits, he honestly had the strongest behind the scenes presence. He isn't as comfortable singing or performing but he's such a chill lad, his concerts are like hanging out with a friend that happens to know how to sing and is on a stage. He's also such a gem in telling fans to pirate his stuff if they can't afford it and lowering ticket prices to the minimum lol. Precious boyo.
And there's Liam who has struggled a lot with wanting to be the Justin Timberlake of one direction but never got there. He was in theory the perfect one to succeed with the singing and dancing... and yet. He also has a lot of personal struggles that bleed into his professional life but that's not our business. I think specially early on he felt like he was owed the success, but he just didn't have that It thing.
Harry always had the star quality, that boy was eating the stage up since he was sixteen. He was made for the stage. They can say whatever they want but all 1D fans knew Harry was going to have the best solo career. He just has the full star package.
-
God I've been in this fandom too long. I talk about stuff like this with my friends all the time, we kinda ended up agreeing that Liam had the basic voice of 1D and all the other boys added the flavour to it. Now that they all have solo careers the other boys developed their unique flavours but Liam just feels basic and generic. I feel cruel saying it but it's how i see it.
omg i strongly agree - we know liam was simon’s favourite. but i think nicole, being a woman, was able to see who would be more popular with teenage girls (aka their target demographic).
zayn is soo talented but yeah, i don’t think he enjoys the spotlight which is fair. i am still SO heartbroken about heartbreak weather, it’s an amazing album and deserves more :( but that’s a good observation about niall- he’s always pushed himself to learn and do better. and i loove louis, he’s so grounded and down to earth, he may not have the best voice but like you said, he does a lot of behind the scenes stuff. i honestly think liam needs a break to get himself together bc he’s been a mess for years now :// and yeah we all knew harry would do the best. liam does have the most basic voice haha and there’s nothing that sets him apart which is a shame, and one of the main reasons why he hasn’t done well
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Have you ever been cut off by a bartender because you were too drunk?
Maybe not by a bartender but by friends, yeah. Hasn’t happened since college though; I’m super chill with my alcohol these days.
Have you ever borrowed money from your mom and lied about why you needed it?
Nah I could never lie about things like that haha, given we weren’t the most well-off of families when I was growing up and for many years the money my parents made was just enough to keep us comfortable. If I didn’t have any allowance left that was on me.
Have you ever flirted with a cop to get out of a ticket?
Not flirt, but I have cried LOL. Surprisingly always works. In my first few weeks driving I also used my college-student and I-just-got-my-license cards to get out of tickets. A few times I’ve gotten pulled over away from my city and apparently it also works when you just say you’re not from the area and are not familiar with the traffic rules over there.
Have you ever lied during a job interview?
No. Again, I am awful at lying. I also don’t wanna potentially overpromise because what if I say I can do Photoshop and they suddenly make me do visuals? Hahahaha.
Have you ever bought alcohol for someone underage?
Nah. I also wouldn’t voluntarily get alcohol for someone under 18.
Have you ever started a rumor to ruin someone’s reputation?
I’ve never started a rumor at all. People who do that must be so bored...
Have you taken any pics of yourself that you won’t want your parents to see?
Yeah huh.
Would you turn a family member in if you see them commit murder?
This is one of those situations wherein it’d be really hard to make a decision you’re likely to do, unless you’re already in it. That said, the way I see it now is I’m likely to turn a relative in if I’m not super close with them or if they’re actually a distant relative altogether. I mean...it’s murder.
Do you feel accepted by your BF/GF’s family?
I don’t have a partner.
Have you ever trashed your ex’s car after an argument?
No.
Would you leave a note on a car claiming responsibility if you damaged it?
Not me as I haven’t bumped into any car while the driver was gone, but this happened to my car while in college. I had just finished a class and was headed back to my car when there was a note on the windshield of someone admitting they had hit my car and they were willing to discuss reimbursements and whatnot. Anyway, the damage wasn’t bad (paint just got chipped a bit) so I never reached out to the dude anymore.
Have you ever used someone's handicapped parking pass to get a parking spot?
I would never do that, not even if I were already late at a BTS concert and was struggling to find a parking spot hahaha.
If you ran over an animal would you keep driving?
Depends on the animal, the type of road etc. I wouldn’t stop for like, a squirrel or a mouse or a pheasant, but I’d 100% stop for a dog or cat. < Same.
Do you really care about saving the planet for future generations?
I do my part when I can but it’s not actively because it’s for ‘the future generation.’ I’m a little...emotionless in that regard lol.
What was the first thing you learned how to cook?
That wasn’t frozen? Erm...eggs.
What are some wild animals commonly found where you live?
Frogs and...yeah that’s pretty much it.
Do you think there will ever be world peace?
No.
Have you ever turned down a job offer?
I had wanted to turn down a promotion before but didn’t really have a choice.
Do you know anyone who believes that vaccines cause autism?
Not that necessarily, but my dad’s parents are deep in the disinformation echo chamber and are in the belief that vaccines can kill you, can cause heart attacks, can inevitably give you fatal allergic reactions, etc. They would never have gotten their Covid vaccine shot if not for my dad forcing them to, and they never even got their second shot and boosters. It’s a situation I’ve always felt sorry for and frustrated about.
What does the name say on your birth certificate?
Just my full name lol, which I’m not sharing.
In terms of politics, do you sit on the right or the left?
Left.
Out of all those blood related, immediate or other, which single person would you list as your favorite?
Either my dad or my eldest cousin on my mom’s side.
Who is one you wish you didn't share blood with?
I have in-laws I don’t super want to associate with, but I don’t feel this way about any blood relatives.
Generally, what genre of movies do you jump at the opportunity to see?
Dramas. Not a genre per se, but classic Hollywood movies too.
Have you ever been able to pet a normally wild animal, like a tiger or dolphin?
Yups.
If you had a work office that you would be allowed to decorate any way you want, how would you decorate it?
It’d be pet-friendly, have bars for pizza and coffee, and the walls would be littered with art/paintings.
Do you know anyone who is a Native American?
Nope.
What was the hardest thing you went through in your childhood?
Being led to believe that your family drinking enough to get drunk every night is normal.
Have you ever had a girlfriend?
Yeah.
Do you have any close friends that were adopted?
I know someone who is but they aren’t a friend.
Does your mom eat meat?
Yups, she does.
Was your dad ever on a sports team?
Not a sports team but if I remember correctly he was part of his high school’s dance troupe or something like that. My dad is actually crazy talented and smart; he just never talks about the awesome shit he did when he was younger. I didn’t know he knew how to dance and play the guitar until I was a teenager; and I definitely did not know he had planned on taking up engineering rather than hotel and restaurant management until well into my 20s (he didn’t pursue it as he couldn’t afford the school that was known for its engineering courses).
Who has the prettiest middle name you know?
I’m not sharing whose it is but I have a friend whose second name is Lorenza, which I’ve always found really pretty.
What’d be your name if you took your mom’s middle name?
Her second name? Patricia.
Do you know a lot of things about the opposite sex’s body parts?
Uhhhhhh not so much. We had to take it up once in like Grade 5 science but I immediately forgot most of it. I can tell you like 3-4 organs maybe, but I wouldn’t be able to tell you what each would be responsible for hahaha.
What is your least favourite thing about your full name?
I can’t think of anything I dislike about my name.
What’s your favourite kind of poptart?
Chocolate fudge. We only get like 4 flavors imported here and that one’s my favorite. S’mores and cookies and cream are too sweet; and of course I’m never touching the strawberry variant lol.
When did your family immigrate to wherever you live now?
I already live in the country where I’m from.
Do you enjoy watching birth vlogs?
Not really? The only birth vlogs I’ve cared to watch are high-profile people who have released their own lol like Kylie Jenner.
Do you know anyone else with your name?
A few.
Which country’s flag is your favorite?
I don’t have a favorite.
What would you be most afraid of happening if you were to visit Africa?
What I’d be afraid of going to any other country, I guess? Like getting scammed, kidnapped, raped, harassed, etc.
Do you ever take pictures of negative moments?
I used to do this – I very distinctly remember taking a black-and-white photo of the sky in 2017 during my more s*****al days, and it stayed in my phone for years supposedly with the intent to remind me that things would get better. But all it taught me was it does just that – remind. It took me back and seemed to only taunt me that I was going to regress. So I stopped taking photos of bad experiences and, in contrast, have actually made it a point to not keep souvenirs of bad days whatsoever.
Would you ever post a picture of yourself crying on social media?
If it was crying in a humorous context then yeah. I posted a photo of myself in tears (but also pulling a funny face) right after watching the music video for Jin’s The Astronaut hahaha.
Have you ever held a newborn baby?
I held one of my cousins when he was like 2 weeks old (I was 9), and very nearly dropped him while nobody was watching because he started squirming and crying. That was the first and last time I ever held a baby. Too scary.
Do you know anyone who has twins?
I know several sets of twins, but not anyone around my age who has them.
Are you following in the career path of any family members?
Kind of. My maternal great-grandpa and grandpa are writers, and my mom has cousins who’ve worked in media and broadcast and, by extension, in the study of law; I’ve been told the love for writing really runs in my mom’s side. What’s funny to me I guess is how the talent completely skipped over my parents as both my mom and dad ended up in the hospitality industry hahaha.
Do you feel you missed out on a lot as a kid?
Quite, yeah. My mom worked graveyard shifts for years, and my dad was already working abroad way before I even had the capacity to remember. I didn’t necessarily feel sad about it when I was a kid because I thought that was normal; but when I started hearing my friends talk about their summer family outings and how they’d have dinners at the mall every Sunday, that’s when it started to feel like my life was lacking.
Who was that best friend you ever had?
Angela’s always been my BEST best friend.
Do you have people in your family who want you dead?
Gee...not that I know of, at least?
Honestly, if you could have anyone in the world, who would it be?
Kimi. I wish I could have had him forever.
What do you usually order at Taco Bell?
All the few Taco Bells we do have in the country are too far from where I live, so I never get. But when I happen to be in those handful of areas, I always just get some kind of burrito.
Have you ever streaked?
Nopes.
How many city/towns have you lived in?
Two – Manila, and my current one.
Do you prefer to shower at night or in the morning?
Night. So much comfier to sleep then.
Have you ever wanted to be a ballet dancer?
I didn’t, but I did take ballet as a kid. Didn’t fare well though as my parents were immediately advised that I wasn’t cut out for the craft hahaha. I’ve shared this with friends and they always go, “That’s so harsh!” but honestly I feel like it was just right to do so. Ballet has some crazy rigid standards and it was only fair to give my parents the heads-up early on, before they’d start investing more money for what was already a lost cause.
When was the last time you really laughed?
Watching Cong’s newest vlog last night.
Honestly, whose numbers do you have memorized?
My sister’s and my mom’s.
Do you sleep with socks on?
No.
Has anyone ever told you, you were beautiful?
Yeah.
What kind of house do you want?
It’s gonna defeat the whole purpose of the movie but I’m honestly such a big fan of the house in Parasite LOL. Minus the [insert the part of the house that’s instrumental in the plot twist].
Would you like living on the coast?
It would be nice as a vacation home; but given that living on the coast largely implies living in the province, I’d much rather stay in the city.
What would you like your generation to change?
I wish they had more initiative and gave a bigger shit about their jobs. The other Gen Zers I work with will only ever do what you ask them to do, which can be so frustrating sometimes.
Are you a sore loser?
I can be but I keep it internal and just use the loss as a motivation to win or succeed next time. A 25-year-old lashing out at losing is ridiculous.
Honestly, do you enjoy arguing?
Nope.
Have you ever wanted a Nikon camera? Or do you have one already?
I had one! I had a ~photography phase when I was like 12 and my dad gave me a Nikon DSLR so I can improve at it. Turns out the skill actually belonged to my sister, who ended up using the camera throughout her time in film school many years later.
Are you a picky eater? What’s one food you refuse to eat?
I’m not picky about entire foods in general; it’s just that I have very specific ways of enjoying my food, if that makes sense? I’ll rarely entirely refuse to eat a certain food, but, like, I will always remove the pickles from cheeseburgers, will always remove the hotdog bits from my spaghetti, will skip over chicken meat because all I really want is the fried chicken skin hahaha, etc.
Do you have Photoshop? If so, how often a day do you use it?
I don’t have Photoshop on here and I never learned how it works.
What color are the walls in the room you’re in right now?
White.
Do you use your queen right away in chess?
I don’t know how to play chess.
Were you in track and field?
For just one year in grade school lol yep.
Were you ever in a school talent show?
Nope.
Have you thrown up in a car?
Just once. I threw up on my mom’s stomach...while she was pregnant. We were on a different car than what we were usually riding, and my motion sickness that day just wanted to rear its ugly head.
Who was your first grade teacher?
Her name was Merce.
Where did you go on your first airplane ride?
Boracay when I was 11.
Whose wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or a groomsmen?
Does a junior bridesmaid count? It was a quirk of my mom’s best friend’s wedding and I was around 7 when it happened.
First tattoo or piercing?
First and only piercings were my earlobes when I was a few months old. Don’t have tattoos.
First celebrity crush?
Zac Efron.
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So I moved halfway across the country for work, but I wasn’t too worried about it, in part bc I had a good friend living in the same city who I was excited to get closer to.
Except now it seems that my friend doesn’t want to be friends anymore.
The first sign of trouble was pride weekend. I’ve never been to pride ™ but I’ve always wanted to go, my gay+ friends just… forget I’m bi I guess idk lol. Anyways I asked if he had plans and he said yes but he could maybe see me after! I had to head that way anyways and we had our virtual zoom book club meeting in like an hour so I asked if he wanted to meet up irl for it. He said sure just give him that hour to sober up! The parks were closed so I sat on a curb and waited. For an hour. Reading a new book, but still, ouch. Then when time came for book club he ghosted me and never signed on for the group call. I was really upset and just walked home, it was a 20min bus ride but I walked the hour instead just to process. I had caught covid right when I moved and this was my first chance to see him, kind of my first social event, so I had been super excited. He never apologized or mentioned it again.
He invited me to another vague thing when his friend came into town a few days later. I asked him the day before if he still had plans and if he wanted me to come and he replied with a detailed itinerary. So seems that he had it all planned out and just forgot to tell me.
A week later I invited him to come watch fireworks on my office rooftop. He didn’t let me know if he was gonna come or not until the end of the day when he said no. I wasn’t comfortable riding transit alone late so I just stayed home.
He did invite me to an event! For a professional org he’s the president of. So like, it makes him look good for me to come. I went. He barely talked to me. He hasn’t invited me to any of their other events.
We finally hung out… when a mutual friend was in town. That was fine.
I’d been trying to get lunch w him since I moved but only brought it up a few times. It was originally his idea bc we work close to each other. He gets weekly lunch with one friend so I thought it would be like biweekly or something with us. When we finally got lunch, he said ‘maybe we can do this again in like a month!’ which kind of shocked me. Like I get if you’re busy but saying it so coldly without even adding “bc I’m so busy” just felt awful. It’s been over a month since & he hasn’t mentioned any second lunch.
By this point I had basically given up but the last thing was his birthday. He usually goes ALL OUT and he has a couple friends flying in which he mentioned last book club. His birthday is this Friday and by yesterday (Sunday) I hadn’t heard anything yet… I kinda knew he just wasn’t going to invite me but I wanted to give him a chance. So in yesterday’s book club, I asked if he knew what he was doing yet, trying to give him an opportunity to invite me. He listed out five days of detailed plans with his visiting friends and said he wasn’t having a party this year. He didn’t mention one stop on his itinerary that he wanted me to come to. I wanted to give it one more shot so today before work I texted him to say
“oh btw if you’d like me to come to any of your birthday weekend plans I’d be happy to! but I understand if you just want to keep it smaller”
and he replied at the end of the work day
“Kk! I think we’ll make it over to [nearby neighborhood] at some point so I’ll keep you posted and maybe you can join for a drink!”
He didn’t even say what day he was thinking. Just that they’ll probably be sorta near me once in a 5-day span and maybe I can join for a single drink. When I got that text I laughed out loud. I doubt he’ll end up texting me, if it happens I’ll be shocked. But I won’t make the past mistakes of waiting all day to hear from him. I don’t know if I would go or not though. I guess if I feel like it I will, but since I can’t plan for it, it’s unlikely that I’ll feel like it. I usually need to know in advance of any events so I can plan my hair wash, budget my social energy, etc. At least I can save money by not getting him a birthday present. And I can make plans to watch football on the holiday instead of seeing him.
So like. Yeah. Clearly he’s just not interested in staying friends with me for some reason. I don’t understand it at all. I don’t want to be more pathetic or more annoying so I’ll just accept that he’s not interested and stop trying. But it hurts because I thought we were going to become closer friends and now I feel so so alone. I gotta get off my ass and make new friends for sure but for now it just sucks and I feel so isolated and lonely. Like talking to the employee at a local jewelry store was the highlight of my day the other week because it was a human interaction.
Anyways I don’t meant to be dramatic, I’ll be fine and I at least have my cat, plus ik what I need to do. I just need to get this out and I can’t post on my usual emotional social cuz he follows me :/
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I've felt a distance from Ashley and Vanessa since 2019, obviously with the pandemic and her getting pregnant it pushed her even more away but we need to stop pretending they stopped being besties yesterday just to get into "she chose Austin" no, that's not the story.
do y'all believe this story about she "chose" austin? i mean, maybe we got the false impression that she was closer to vanessa than to austin but maybe she was always closer to austin and maybe she didn't have to choose anything you know? she's just more friends with him and consequently and naturally she was moving away from vanessa. but i also don't "blame" only ashley for this >>possible<< distance, ok vanessa likes her photos and etc but we don't know what happens backstage maybe she wasn't a great friend to ashley? and vice versa.
Yall are reaching and completely misinterpreting what she said. Its not like she was solely talking about one friendship. No it was a whole speech of letting go of any type of negative feelings. She didn't say she was trying and chasing a friendship thats not working she said that about her career. Learn to let go of the ill feelings and expectations. She didn't even say she let go of friends rn she was just giving advice to people to let go of people like she let go her last relationship.
I think sometimes you guys don't want to see the things that are in front of y'all, it's not the first time Ashley has done this, it's very clear lol
If Ashley was talking about V yesterday, then obviously it’s sad that the friendship has changed but you guys really need to stop acting like Vanessa is holier than thou and is the only innocent one. Friendships are between two people not just one. Stop making Ashley out to be the villain here cause they both are at fault for their friendship growing apart. Vanessa & Ash haven’t seen each other in almost a year, do you know how much that’s gotta suck and how they probably both feel? Ashley & V were so excited about how their friendship was going to evolve after Jupiter was born and all V has done is seen Ash & Juju once and hasn’t bothered to see them even when she’s home for weeks at a time. Yes, Ash could be the one saying no to hanging out bc hello, Covid is STILL an issue. For all we know, she wasn’t talking about Vanessa but we really don’t know unless she gives hints when she writes about this on Frenshe.
vanessa is not as close to the "og group" as before, at least that's what I see, which is normal, phases. it's not just ashley
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Mob Psycho 100: The Stage Play 3 - Final performance content spoilers
Here are all the notes I compiled after getting the chance to see the final performance for ‘Mob Psycho 100: The Stage Play - A Clash with Claw’s Seventh Division!’ live. Note this is essentially a write-up of the play from beginning to end - this will also likely be the version of the play that is used for the DVD release in December. I will also edit this when the recording becomes available for viewing and I can gain some clarity on sections I missed...
PRE-SHOW
- Reigen and Mob do a pre-show announcement relating to covid prevention measures (referred to not by name as Covid but an evil spirit) plus standard theatre etiquette rules (don’t use your phone, put it on silent, etc.)
SHOW
- Begins where stage 2 left off as a ‘Previously…’ segment for the audience. We once again witness Koyama knocking Mob out with the spray and kidnapping Ritsu.
- In the Teru/Dimple/Mob discussion part of the stage 2 recap, Teru takes the bird’s nest off his head and throws it off stage - we hear the birds within fly away.
- ((We immediately see how the reduced audience affects the play - a funny physical gag where Teru and Dimple bash heads happens but this receives no response from the audience))
- We reach the end of stage 2 recap with Mob stating he’ll destroy Claw as he does at the end of stage 2. The screen goes black and we hear the echo of a voice saying ‘Give [it] back… give [it] back, [It’s] mine, give [it] back…’ - this is implied to be Mob talking about Ritsu but the lights turn on to reveal S&S and turns out it’s Shou talking to Reigen about Touichirou’s card
- Reigen gives the card back to Shou, calls him a ‘baggy-clothed asshole’ and tells him to leave since Reigen is busy. Reigen puts his feet up on his desk and goes on his phone, leading to;
S: “What are you doing?”
R: “Reading the news.”
S: “You’re not busy, you’re bored!”
- Shou mentions that he’s also got 10k yen missing from his wallet and accuses Reigen of stealing it - Reigen insists he didn’t but starts doubting himself
- When Shou leaves, Reigen salt splashes in his direction (An English translation is now given under each of Reigen’s special moves ala Olympic parody)
-Reigen calls Mob, leading back to the Mob/Dimple/Teru scene - Terada and his cronies enter and Mob tells Reigen he can’t talk right now, hang up which leads to…
***
OPENING
- Yoru no Honki Dance - Call Out (as the previous two plays)
- Action takes place on the upper and lower stage - Ritsu and the lab kids on the lower stage with Ritsu in anguish with Mob, Teru, Dimple on the top stage
- Action shot with the show’s “Yeah!” line focuses on Reigen and Mob on the top level
***
- Teru tortures Terada with a taser rather than water - Terada is also wearing a ballgag with multiple kazoos inside it leading to a great sound whenever he screams
- Mob and Dimple are terrified of Teru’s taser torture whenever he does it
- Matsuo’s performance is sensual and slimy - great stage presence
- Ishiguro’s voice is distorted using a pitch filter resulting in something creepy rather than the female voice used in the anime
- Ritsu and the lab kids are seen in the jail cell - great banter with them and their Claw guard (Guard to Rei: “I won’t hit you because you’re a girl!” Kids: “A gentleman!”). Guard tells them they won’t get any food and they start rioting
- Mutou is VERY creepy and accompanied by terrifying music - he skulks around the stage with his ridiculous silicone chin
- When Mutou “kills” Kaito off screen we get a ridiculous extended segment featuring Daichi reacting to what is initially cries of his brother’s pain that turn into pleasure as if he is getting a massage - then turns back into pain
- Kaito is wheeled back on in a luggage/weight carrier with 4 knives in his chest
- Teru vs Terada is visually very fun - movement choreography is great, lots of Teru’s dance techniques that got cut from the anime
- Back in the jail scene Ritsu states he doesn’t remember the kids names so they re-introduce themselves to the audience
- Asahi and Hoshino heating up the spoon/bending spoon/on repeat is very well performed
- Ritsu tries to high-five with with one of the other kids when they escape the jail but finds he has no-one to do it with :(
- Back to Dimple/Mob/Teru - when Dimple-chan(puppet) says “Oh who’s that good looking guy? A model?”, Nadagi pulls a whole bunch of model poses
- When Teru tries to knock the security guard out he screams for AGES leading to one of the funniest moments in the play - he finally is knocked out but when Dimple tries to possess him he takes ages to be possessed - Taa (Teru) breaks character completely and doubles over laughing and Itou (Mob) refuses to face the audience making it clear he is losing it as well
- Muraki is creepy looking but his cloak is see-through and sparkly - his actor plays him as quite a timid guy
- Great visual gag with Mob throwing Koyama around and then sending him through the stage wall
- Ishiguro has a moment where he talks to the audience/the new recruits where he shows off the Claw face mask available as part of the merch
- Great fight choreography between SG!Dimple and Gen (played by Baba) - ends with SG!Dimple pulling his trousers down
- Teru tasing people left and right in this play…
- Great stage effects in Teru vs Miyagawa - Teru tases Miyagawa as well
- Tsuchiya calming down Mukai is lovely - followed by Mukai finding a puppet that she believes hasn’t been destroyed by Mob and getting excited - but the head rolls off so she breaks down crying again
- ((My stream cut here so I didn’t see the start of the Ritsu vs Shou interaction and whether or not he recognised Shou from their interaction in stage 2))
- We see a little Shou vs Ritsu - Ritsu flings an array of spoons at Shou - Shou lands a punch that sends Ritsu off stage
- Character design for Takeuchi has been corrected slightly from the anime
- Matsuo vs SG!Dimple stage effects are great. They’re both very flashy actors which creates fantastic visual comedy
- Matsuo takes off his jacket like he’s at a strip club - it’s all very flamboyant and fun
- ((Stream cut again so I didn’t actually see the joke, but some kind of adlib happens with Reigen in the taxi scene that causes Baba to break character))
- When Mob uses his powers to blow Takeuchi away someone comes on stage with a leafblower to blow his hair away
- Screen goes black and we cut back to Shou delivering the final blow on Ritsu. Shou says someone interesting is coming and leaves stage for Mob’s entrance
- Mob finds Ritsu passed out and holds him, finds he’s breathing but won’t forgive who did this to him
- Mutou enters and stalks around the back and creates the image of Ritsu dead on the floor with a knife in his chest for Mob which causes his freak out
- “What a great pair of brothers” - Shou leaning over Mob and Ritsu’s passed out bodies
- Shou floats Mob and Ritsu into the room with Sakurai/Teru/Ishiguro
- Small cut away to Reigen - he sees 500 yen on the ground and immediately runs to go pick it up
- Mob and Ritsu’s hug is very emotional - Ritsu is more panicked asking Mob if he’s okay and Mob is more emotional responding than the anime
- Mob pats Ritsu’s head to calm him down
- Visual gag where Shou steps on Ishiguro’s shoe - Ishiguro freaks out trying to clean it and Muraki offers emotional support
- Guy walks into the room with Sakurai/Muraki/Ishiguro/Matsuo/Shou and informs them “The boss is coming”, which piques Shou’s interest and he comes along to meet “the boss”
- Play then gives us a “5 minutes earlier” scene. Baba’s performance in the Claw break-in is more on the eccentric/aggressive side than the calmer calculating tone Sakurai had - changes the atmosphere for the scene
- The whole scene with Reigen saving the lab kids is redone to be so eccentric with everyone chanting BOSS! BOSS! BOSS! at the end for Reigen
- When Reigen starts making a comment about Teru’s wig and cuts himself off to not offend him, he goes to Mob like “wtf” and Mob whispers in his ear what happened
- Shou included in the scene when Ishiguro etc. face off against Reigen
- ((ARGH my stream cut out again, when it came back Shou had moved over to Reigen’s side - probably some good dialogue there between them that I missed))
- Shou says to Reigen ‘Give me back my 10,000 yen’ - Shou decides to stand back to watch the show
- When Ishiguro attacks, Mob protects Shou as well as everyone else
- We have Shou/Teru/Mob/Ritsu/Reigen all on one side vs the Claw guys on the other (Ishiguro/Sakurai/Muraki/Matsuo)
- When Reigen does his Anti-Esper Drop Kick, they choose to translate this in English as “Dropkick to the espers”
- Shou: ‘You’re really taking [Muraki] on? lol’ Reigen: ‘Shut UP you brat’
- When Sakurai attacks Reigen (first time), Ritsu helps him up
- Lots of good banter between Shou and Reigen (”Stop calling me ‘old guy!’”)
- Shou sits to the side and enjoys the show while Sakurai/Muraki/Ishiguro/Matuso vs Reigen/Mob/Ritsu/Teru happens, makes some comments (ie. “Damn you’re in a pinch, whatcha gonna do now?”)
- When Reigen is getting sucked up by the anti gravity bubble, Shou helps Teru/Mob/Ritsu out with saving him
- Sakurai cutting off Teru’s wig is made into such a Dramatic moment
- Shou joins the fight against Ishiguro - Ishiguro manages to knock him out of the field and Reigen expresses concern (‘Oh crap! Kid are you okay!’)
- Lots of stage theatrics - now that Shou is no longer in play scene plays out as it does in the anime
- Lots of Reigen protecting Mob and leading him away from danger until the climactic moment where Mob decides to fight
- Mob’s scream of ‘Shishou!!!’ is filled with emotion - Reigen collapses quickly and without theatrics, facing the audience
- He doesn’t get a cut in his jacket, nor does he remove it
- When Reigen destroys Matsuo’s pet - ‘Oh Jesus I’m sorry I didn’t mean to destroy your toy’
- More protective Reigen - puts his arm out to protect Teru and Ritsu & get them behind him
- Reigen’s “Purifying Salt Punch” -> English given as Prime Salt Punch
- ‘It’s rude to wear a mask when talking to people!’ - here his mask doesn’t come off - unsure if intentional
- ((The bento story is REALLY well performed comedically but doesn’t land with attending audience))
- Sakurai shoots Reigen and Reigen catches the bullet
- Reigen uses the spray to spray his armpits
- Reigen at Muraki’s forehead “what is this? A doorbell? Ding dong ding dong”
- Lab kids start making fun of Muraki as well (Rei: What is that, cosplay?)
- Rei has a crush on Reigen in the same vein as her crush on Ritsu - Calls him cool and stuff and tries to reach for him
- Mob: ‘Having powers doesn’t make you popular’ Rei: ‘Lame.’ Reigen: ‘Well there you have it.’
- Shou comes back in centre stage and knocks Ishiguro out - goes to Reigen and says it’s time to repay the debt he owes Reigen - knocks Ishiguro out fully as per anime/manga
- As Shou leaves he pats Ritsu on the shoulder
- When Reigen says ‘is this an evil spirit?’ He hold his nose as if Dimple stinks, then grabs his head and shakes him around. Gets some salt from his pocket and throws it at Dimple
- Rei goes up to Sakurai and asks to date him
- Shou goes on the phone on stage top level and calls Touichirou as per manga/anime lines
FINAL SCENE
- Shou returns to S&S - as it turns out Reigen had the 10k stuck in his pocket the whole time and returns it to Shou
- Mob and Ritsu (with a bag) enter S&S while Shou is still there but leaving - Mob thanks Shou for helping them and asks Ritsu to do the same - Ritsu complies
- Shou looks back at Reigen, then toward Ritsu and Mob and tells them all they’ll meet again
- Mob and Ritsu share a heartfelt moment - “Ritsu, you’re amazing” - “No you’re the amazing one Nii-san”
- Ritsu gets out Takoyaki for Reigen/Mob/Ritsu to enjoy and Dimple joins them
ENDING SONG - ‘mob.’
https://katyatalks.tumblr.com/post/659597484715278336/mob-ed-for-mp100-stage-3-a-clash-with-claws
- Itou’s voice is STUNNING
CAST COMMENTS
- Kawaharada Takuya (Teru) addresses the fact that he’s the person who laughed the most out of everyone
- Nadagi says he wants to do a stage 4 and that’s the general vibe with everyone and it’ll be nice if the anime gets a S3 too
- Lots of talk about stage 4 and it only being possible if everyone comes together
- Itou: ‘Us being able to do this again out of the blue so suddenly is thanks to all of you’
ENCORE
- Itou and Baba
- Lots of crying from Itou relating to covid and how it has cut the audience - he is grateful but he’s still upset about it - Baba gives him a huge hug
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bnha chapter 317 thoughts
haha b o i
did I speak too soon?
I spoke too soon. Also, yay! nagant is alive (barely)
mm well Deku has officially turned dark, like for real dark, buuuuuut in a way that is actually a natural progression of his character, because if you remember Horikoshi loves parallels, and what’s more obvious than the fact Deku has been trying to walk down the same path as All Might ever since he was told to ‘show himself’ to the world back during the School Festival arc, and then again with All Might’s famous “You’re next” line.
It was a while ago when I read it, but I believe it was in vigilantes where we understand what All Might means by “You deserve to rest” and that he understands. I won’t go digging for that specific chapter lol, but in basically in the spin-off series bnha Vigilantes, we get glimpses of All Might in his prime.
In particular, we see that he really never stops to rest, constantly flying off to save as many people as he can because it’s a job “only he can do”. We even see Sir Nighteye (who is still All Might’s sidekick at the time) upset at the fact that All Might doesn’t even sleep, and while it’s somewhat played off as a gag aside from Sir Nighteye’s worry, we can see now that Deku is doing the exact same thing.
In any case, Deku’s believed since the War arc that as the wielder of One for All, its burden is his to carry, especially with the added pressure of the fact that he’s been told he may be the last user and must defeat AfO himself (because only a quirkless person may receive OfA without dying early, and quirkless-ness is very rare now)
There was no clear turning point, not really. It’s more that Deku is sinking himself deeper and deeper into his duty, to the point that he can’t see past the next job. He won’t eat like we see him do heartily earlier, he won’t even, in All Might’s words, look back at his mentor anymore.
AfO really managed to get under his skin with that video, and if there’s a way to describe Deku right now, it would be “staring straight ahead blindly”. He’s marching forward without thought for his surroundings, including his own self. In the previously ideal and bright hero world, this made All Might look heroic. But now in this grey, doubtful world:
Deku is, literally and metaphorically, tearing himself apart. His hero costume gets more and more worn, and thus so is his image as a hero. On a side note, he looks super badass, but more importantly he looks like a dark version of All Might - like some sort of skewed or twisted version of the hero who always comes to save the day.
Aside from Deku, we get a little more insight on the status of heroes, namely the mass retirement. I actually sympathized with Death Arms, even though I saw some comments that he wasn’t a real hero. To be fair, what the heck is a ‘real hero’? Sure, a lot of heroes retired when the going got tough, you could say that the ones ‘in it for the money or the fame’ were weeded out, but what was Death Arms real reasoning for leaving? Yes, it got tough, but on top of the fact that it got tough, being a hero suddenly went from something of good status to a cursed position.
This pretty much sums up the state of the hero world right now, which is that ‘heroes are humans’. This mass retirement was bound to happen, but what makes it troubling is what’s going on with Deku amongst all this. I don’t need to explain it, since the pro-heroes explained everything in that meet-up scene about how the media is closing in on Deku and a reveal of OfA would shove Deku into the cycle of negativity. So yeah, the fact that AfO hasn’t revealed OfA himself means he still has plans for Deku, ‘cause he doesn’t care about All Might anymore. All I can really imagine is AfO trying to get Deku on his side, or stealing OfA, I can’t wait for the next chapter so we can get some more insight.
Anywayy on a less serious note:
Mount Lady is lookin super fine with that scar, but more than just aesthetic purposes the addition of scars and messier/dirtier costumes/settings is to keep with the more serious and dark tone. It allows us to take her seriously when before she was portrayed as a flirty/image-conscious hero. I kind of love of small design choices like that can change a character’s entire demeanor. Uhhh the closest example I can name in real life is when Canada’s prime minister Trudeau grew a beard. Lemme tell you, it did wonders in making him appear more serious and reliable during covid, as opposed to his earlier washy playboy looks.
Also, Stain is back! That weirdo. Uhhh he sure seems happy to see Deku still jumping to the rescue. Or maybe he’s just glad to see All Might, we all know he’s lowkey a fanboy. Urk, well in any case it’s definitely foreshadowing that there will be a potential confrontation between him and Deku.
aaaaand finally,
lol how the turn tables, it’s Endeavor ghosting Shouto now. Also it’s lowkey cute how he immediately checks his phone whenever he hears a notification, man’s excited for any sort of communication with his son. Mmm but yea I was excited to get even a mention of Shouto, I hope we get to see what the Class 1-A kiddos are up to soon.
#spoilers#manga spoilers#boku no hero academia#bnha#deku#midoriya izuku#all might#toshinori yagi#pro-heroes#mount lady#stain#all for one#one for all#i always think of the musketeers#i cant help it#i read the book for that first#chapter 317#manga thoughts#Final arc#character discussion#dark times#deku finally became batman#still waiting for class 1a#turn tables#and parallels
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Why I’m Hanging Up My Tomdaya Coat....
Welp!!!
Today is July 1st..... 👀
So, I am officially hanging up my Tomdaya Coat.
You all are going to need a chair for this one, because I can already feel that this is going to be a long one.... 👀
I have some confusing, mixed emotions while writing this, but I’m just going to be honest and say how I truly feel.
Why I’m hanging up my Tomdaya Coat.....
I’m hanging up my Tomdaya coat because I feel like I’ve been patient in waiting to get more “clarity” on whether or not Tom and Z are seriously dating each other again, but I just don’t feel like I can truly say with 100% certainty that they are indeed dating each other again at the current moment.
I know that there have been covid restrictions and everything, and I know that we’re NOT in a “normal” situation right now at all (I get it), but I just feel like btwn April and July, I would see more “proof” by now that they are dating each other again, and I feel like it would be more obvious....just like it was during the Tomdaya 1.0 era when they were dating each other.
Granted, we’ve had some pretty INTERESTING signs going on in “TomdayaLand” (not to be confused with the blog lol) since August.....And that cannot be denied....
Tom & Z suddenly resuming social media activity with each other after Z’s Emmy nod announcement 👀
Tom and N splitting up not too long after TZ reconnected 👀
N unfollowing accounts that post Z
Tom religiously liking Z’s posts prior to Atlanta
Zendaya liking posts from Nikki, Sam, and Paddy, when she hasn’t liked Tom’s family posts in AGES
Harry showing Z love and support again on social media
Harry liking those Tom/Zendaya Oscar/Emmy fan-made edits
Z liking Tati’s post while she was in Berlin filming Uncharted w/Tom, even though she hadn’t liked a post of Tati’s since April 2019 👀
Tom talking sweetly about Z and even mentioning her unprompted in Cherry interviews
Z chiming in on Tom’s Esquire magazine interview
Tom bringing up Z and the crotch tagging incident when asked about being “linked with female co-stars”....and also linking that in with stating that when you’re dating in the public eye, what’s happening isn’t just happening btwn the two of you, it’s also happening in front of the world
Tom & Z spending Thanksgiving w/each other again (like old times)
Tom following Hunter when she visited in Atlanta
Hunter following Tom
Sam Levinson following Tom
Z following Tom’s stunt double on set
Tom posting Z’s pic of him hugging Harry
Tom, Z, Jacob all hanging out at Tom’s house
Tom showing Darnell love on social media again lol
The Spider-Man cast hanging close w/each other and having movie nights while in Atlanta
Tom & Z spending time together and even spotted out ALONE (sans chaperone!) at night
Tom & Z obviously rekindling a solid, close friendship with each other again
Z posting a sweet Happy Birthday story for Tom on his birthday
Like, ALL of these signs are very PROMISING positive signs. And they are signs that I would look at as being a clear sign that two people have definitely rekindled SOMETHING with each other. And tbh, if we were talking about any other ex celebrity couple, if I were to see these signs, I would DEFINITELY think that the two people have rekindled their dating relationship again....not just a “friendship”. Just being honest!
With that said however.... Since I haven’t seen my two signs (yet), and I haven’t seen anything yet that TRUMPS my two signs, I still cannot say with 100% certainty that TZ are dating each other again.
Then, there are things that make me feel as though Tom & Z might just be good friends (at least, for now):
Tom stating in that French interview that he and Zendaya are friends “with no ambiguity”
The fact that Tom didn’t stop in LA to visit Z before leaving for London (yea, she was going to be SUPER busy that week with Euphoria starting to film and everything, but if they both knew that the length of time btwn not seeing each other was going to be a few more months, I feel like the “OLD TOM” would have definitely visited before going back to London)
Tom hasn’t been back to the US (let alone LA) since the filming of SM3 ended. 👀
But at the same time, there are also some other things that don’t add up to me either....
The “Happy Valentines Day” balloons in Z’s house a MONTH after Vday (I doubt they were just balloons some company gave her....why keep deflated balloons like that?)
Tom unfollowing all those models, and hasn’t even liked a model post in AGES 👀
Tom doesn’t really appear “single” to me
Neither Tom nor Z have really been spotted with anyone “new” as far as a romantic prospect since they both left each other in Atlanta... 👀 I know people ship HunterDaya, but when looking at the big picture of everything that has happened with Hunter/Z/Tom, things really just don’t add up to me....Either that, or Z is mad bold to invite a new prospect to Atlanta where her EX bf is lol... 😂 And then Hunter seems too cool/chill with Tom (and vice versa) imo to be “new” romantic partners. JMHO
Sooo it’s just soo confusing!!!! 😩
Therefore....I will officially be hanging up my Tomdaya Coat as of today.
What “Hanging up my Tomdaya Coat” Means....
I feel like I need to explain what I mean by “hanging up my Tomdaya coat” lol... I DON’T mean that I have “given up” on Tom & Zendaya, or that I hate them now, or that I’m no longer fans of them both, or that I even dislike the thought of them being together or romantically-involved with each other.
All it means is that I officially GIVE UP the hope of waiting and wishing for “something to happen” in order to confirm that they are dating each other again. In other words, I’m no longer anticipating/watching/waiting-and-seeing for “something to happen” on the Tomdaya front.
I am perfectly fine with the thought that they have rekindled a solid friendship w/each other again, and that they are on good terms! This in itself really is enough for me! 😊
While my wish for the both Tom and Zendaya has always been to see them date each other again under more “normal” circumstances, less fear, less hiding, and less damage control, I honestly really do trust Tom and Zendaya and their judgement.
While I definitely feel like SOMETHING went down btwn them while they were in Atlanta together (nooobody can convince me otherwise lol 😂 ), I feel like ULTIMATELY, WHATEVER they decided in Atlanta was mutual, and was the best decision that they felt was right for them, since they know each other way better than we do. 😊 I TRUST and accept whatever decision they made in other words. 🥰
All I’ve ever wanted was for them to be happy, and to be honest, they do seem very happy right now! So, whatever their decision was, I assume it was one that they both felt was the best one for them.😊❤️
With that said..... Here’s where the “confusing”, “mixed emotions” come in....
What’s confusing is that my GUT is telling me something TOTALLY DIFFERENT lol. Like, my GUT is actually telling me that they are more than “JUST friends”. 👀 And they have such a close strong bond w/each other, that when I try to imagine them each dating other people, I feel like it would be kind of weird for the two of them.... Like, they would put on a happy front, but deep down, it would be kind of weird for them to see the other with someone else. That’s what my gut is telling me.
I also wonder about their next future significant others, and whether they would be cool with their “close friendship”. It’s pretty obvious that they still communicate w/each other on the regular. 👀 And we all know how Tom’s ex felt about his “friendship” with Zendaya.....and he and Z weren’t even on the best of terms at that time! 👀 🥴
Sooo....there are just a lot of things swirling around in my gut that give me a “vibe” btwn the two of them. There’s definitely a lot of love there btwn the two of them.
BUT!!!! I have to ignore my gut and just go with what I’m actually SEEING. 🤷 And right now, what I’m seeing is two people who have a very close friendship, but who haven’t seen each other since the end of March. 👀 Even with Z’s busy schedule, I just feel like two people who have rekindled a serious relationship would have found a way to see each other by now. Maybe that’s a wrong assumption...Idk.... But I just look at Bennifer lol. They’ve obviously rekindled something! And it’s pretty obvious too. I just feel like it would be more obvious with Tomdaya....like it was back in the Tomdaya 1.0 era. There was no doubt in my mind. But right now, I honestly do wonder if maybe they just decided to be good friends at the end of it all?
So, bottom line.... I have officially hung up my coat! I still love Tom & Z, and I still wish them nothing but happiness...whether that’s with each other, OR with other people...I honestly don’t care! 😃
In the end, I’ve always just wanted them to be happy..... 🥰
With that said...if new info comes out, or more tea/receipts come out in the future that point to them as dating, then I will put my coat right back on lol!!! 🤣😂
Anyway...Sorry for this looong dissertation, but I felt like I should just explain why I’m hanging up my coat, and explain what I really mean.
#hanging up my tomdaya coat#it's been quite the journey folks lol#don't worry I still love the both of them#Tomdaya#July 1st
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update things...
d’s recovery is going well. he’s started to pop to the shop this week which makes things so much easier. his manager is still angling him to work from home and break his sicknote which is pissing me off something rotten. i know it’s to take the pressure of himself and put it back on d, but d is so nice and thinks the best of everyone. i don’t trust the manager. he’s pulled stunts before because he wants to get a promotion and a better company car.
tbh i’d love d to go back to work lol. he’s so bored. he’s using the time to watch films and series i’ve rec’d to him but he wants something else to do. but he can only just walk to the shop and back; he definitely can’t do the 40min walk to work and back twice a week.
he was meant to see his dad yesterday. his dad has been in and out of hospital for the past couple of years. it started with prostate cancer. then he got a problem with his bowel because of where the radiotherapy was aimed so then he had to have lots of that removed and the therapy stopped. that was followed by a couple of falls where he broke his hip both times.
his dad and wife are one those couples who can’t live with each other and can’t live without each other so she moved all the way from london to somerset for ‘space’ looooool. during late 2020 she organised to have moved from london to somerset where he was in a care home for a year while they waited for a council property and home care for his disabilities. during that time, d’s dad had a massive stroke. he’s bed bound now. can barely speak. his dad was a charismatic irish bloke and now it’s just so sad that he can’t play his instruments or even talk much.
so d hasn’t been able to see him since any of this happened because of covid. is dad also keeps getting chest infections and pneumonia, but because of needing oxygen for covid he can’t have a tank at home so he gets hospitalised til he’s stable then released. he’s usually home for a few days and then he’s back in again. this has been happening for MONTHS. so not only was d not able to see him because of covid, he couldn’t see him because whenever he booked to go down his dad was rushed into hospital again. it costs well over £100 for the train each time from stoke to somerset and we’ve never been able to get a refund. finally his dad has been stable and d was going to make a trip down there and he can’t go because of his hernia recovery.
we had one bright light in that d’s auntie in kildare sent him photos of his dad in a showband before he moved over to london. it was nice to see him as a young man before all the bad shit happened, but then you’re also kinda sad at what could’ve been and that you’ve already lost a lot of the person they were. seeing someone you love slowly lose their father to the lasting effects of alcoholism is painful and horrible. the sadness only gets worse when his dad always said he never wanted to die in england and that he wanted to go home. now he can’t. my cousin died of a brain tumour ten years ago and it felt more gentle on us at times than this.
also, my dad is going to birmingham today with his brother. my uncle has kidney failure. because of covid he had to go down to 5% kidney function until he got dialysis when they usually start it at 11% so the hospital took it to the point of his body almost poisoning him to death before they did it. my dad has matched as a donor so he’s giving him a kidney. they’re having their assessments and psych reviews at the hospital down there because they don’t do transplants at our local hospital. each time he talks about it, dad checks my permission again that i’m okay with him donating his kidney. each time i have a little cry after the call ends.
then a couple of weeks ago i got really run down with an ear thing. i think it was from everything we’ve had going on with d’s dad and the op. i woke up from a nap on a saturday afternoon and suddenly could barely hear. ordered some ear spray stuff to avoid going to the drs because of the old agoraphobia and thought it had done the trick until a couple of days ago when suddenly the crackling in my ear was so long i had a big crying breakdown (i think it was also a mixture of watching a lot of the news about ukraine and i just lost it). you know it had to be bad for me to consider going outside to go to see the gp. the sound was deafening; like a boom in my ear every time i swallowed.
so i called my parents to ask my dad if he could take me to the dr the next morning. mum answered and i told her. my mum was a nurse before i was born. she is usually the first stop before me or my sister consult any dr lol. also bc my mum is obsessively into anything medical, my sister is also a massive hypochondriac and is known at her gp for calling up with a headache and thinks she’s dying. i’m completely the other way. i don’t take painkillers and stuff because i’m just like ‘it’s not that bad, my body will sort itself out’ and let it pass.
and my mum is casually like, ‘you probably have a blockage really deep down in your ear, stick some warm olive oil or drops in it.’ we didn’t have olive oil in as i use frylight lol, so d got some drops for me. i suffered for ten whole days, spent money on two bottles of this shitty expensive spray, and the drops worked. i’m glad i didn’t go the gp because i would’ve felt like a real twat taking up their time, like the time i had to cancel an appointment because i thought i had skin cancer but it turned out to be chocolate that had fallen down into my bra and melted onto my boob.
#the sudden hernia scenario#this is long and went deeper than i expected#but i had to get it all out bc of the stress
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Let’s talk about Hospital Playlist. (KDRAMA REVIEW)
note: does contain spoilers
When people ask me what is my favorite Korean drama of all time, with no doubt, IT’S HOSPITAL PLAYLIST. This drama has the comic relief, the emotional scenes, realistic characters-just to name a few. No toxic relationships and petty revenge fights. Nothing else will stop me for saying that this is the ultimate feel good drama.
SYNOPSIS: The drama shows insights into the daily lives of doctors and nurses working at Yulje Medical Hospital. It focuses on 5 doctors who have been friends since medical school, who also play together as a band.
This drama encompasses so many elements and characters so bear with me yo this might be real long
Hospital Playlist is produced/written by the Shin-Lee PD and writer pairing, whose previous works were the renowned Reply trilogy and Prison Playbook (which are *chef’s kiss*) I really like that all their dramas really highlight humanism, and puts emphasis on creating a heartwarming and realistic series. There isn’t always a major conflict to be resolved, but instead it showcases how different people-in this case mostly those in the medical field-go on about their daily lives. I also liked their reasoning to produce a medical drama which was that hospitals were where the most dramatic moments occurred, for example during births, deaths or sickness. And since we are still in the Covid-19 pandemic, it ties in greatly to be paying homage to all the medical personnel saving lives. Hence, props to those who were involved in this meaningful masterpiece <3
The drama is not the usual 16 episodes, but has 12 episodes for each season (SEASON 2 IS COMING SOON YAAS) Good thing is I felt that they were still able to weave a dynamic storyline in the first season even with lesser episodes. The writing was just top-notch with the witty humor bits. Additionally, the music is AMAZING. I love the concept of the main characters being a band and playing different songs every episode too.
Okay, now onto the characters. I thought that every character in this drama was well rounded. Starting of with the main five characters, also known as The 99ers, whose distinctive personalities and natural chemistry make all of them extremely likeable. All main characters are professors of different specialties, and I find the male OB-GYN (Seokhyeong) and female neurosurgeon (Songhwa) very refreshing. Also, I like Shin-Lee dramas always have characters that might be realistic yet hardly seen in other dramas or films. For example, Professor Ahn Jeongwon. Despite being a chaebol (inheritor/heir), he isn’t depicted as a spoilt brat or a cold character, instead as a warm Pediatric doctor who uses his wealth to secretly support patients in need. However it makes him stingy to his friends LOL
To be honest, I really thought I was gonna dislike Junwan due to his cold and tsundere nature. I pretty much believed that he was going to be the party pooper type of the bunch, but with the writer being a master of character development, he turned out to be really sincere and hilarious at times. Same for Ikjun, who apart from his enthusiastic and happy go lucky exterior, cares the most about the people around him. Although Seokhyeong seemed detached and introverted, he shows a emotional side to his friends as well as his mother. Songhwa is literally a girlboss though haha she’s smart, capable and gets along with everyone well. And she’s the most sane out of the bunch.
With all the main characters, we have the relationships. Junwan is the first to date seriously with Iksun (the dog or Micky? jkjk) who is Ikjun’s sister. When it first happened I was like not again Jung Kyung Ho (bc he dated his best friend’s sis in prison playbook too LMAO) I think their relationship was realistic and open. It also showed a more sensitive side to Junwan who would do anything for her. I especially liked how he said he didn’t need access to her phone because he trusted her. Yet as all couples do, they have their fair share of ups and downs. Like conflicts on getting married and a long distance relationship as Iksun moves overseas for graduate studies. I don’t really know how to take the ambiguous ending for these two, as Junwan receives the returned box (that has the ring he sent) I really hope nothing bad happens to these two though.
I’m sure we all love Wintergarden couple though, tbh they’re kinda my OTP at the moment 🤣 It was pretty much a ‘will they won’t they’ relationship with a relatively slow build. I think Gyeoul turned out to be one of my favourite characters. Shin Hyun Been did a good job at portraying her as a straightforward but innocent Resident, who is pretty much openly crushing on Jeongwon. The scenes they had together were adorably awkward (and the scene where he gives her chocopies omg) And when Jeongwon battles his inner conflict to become a priest, the final decision where they kiss was beautifully shot, with the actors both showcasing their emotions extremely well.
Then we have Chihong who pursues Songhwa, his professor. Midway through the drama, it is also shown that Ikjun and Songhwa might have had romantic feelings for each other. Songhwa ends up rejecting Chihong’s confession. In my opinion, Chihong was quite a interesting character but I didn’t really like him at the end. (I like the actor though) He did a real jerk move during drinking games, insisting on Ikjun to confess his feelings towards her even though he is already trying not to put Songhwa in an awkward spot. Although his character did end up making a cool exit and when I thought about his incredible story of soldier to doctor, I kinda regret disliking him that much. As for IkSong, In the final episode Ikjun confesses to her one last time, and we are left waiting for Songhwa’s reply. As much as I love this pairing, I don’t think that the ship will sail or maybe not as quickly as we think. I believe Songhwa would meticulously consider the sacrifices to their friendship or other aspects and might not be able to bring herself to it, but I hope it’s otherwise.
Lastly not forgetting Seokhyeong and Minha, another Professor+resident pairing. This one’s a bit ambiguous though, mainly because there hasn’t been much romantic development. To me, the most impactful scene came from Minha who had been irritated by continuous night shifts and was on the verge of a breakdown. She ended up remarkably saving a patient, starting off surgery on her own for the first time. Oh man Minha was such a lovable character, I remember feeling so bad for her but extremely proud of her for her accomplishment. Although Seokhyeong seemed a bit aloof and distant (which was intentional bc he’s an introvert) I think the backstory and all the hardships he faced with his family really made me feel for him. I hate to break it to you, but I’m not so sure if the ship will sail because of the phone call from his ex-wife and Minha’s somewhat rejected confession. But who knows, they might pull off a twist 👀
Apart from all these characters, there are more characters HHAHAH However, I think this is the killing point of ShinLee dramas. Unlike typical dramas which usually focuses on a main character and 2-3 side characters, they like to cast a diverse range of actors (especially those from theatre/musicals and lesser known drama/movie actors) while actually give their characters personality or a reason to be there. I’ve seen many dramas where extras or side characters were kind of irrelevant thus making me feel that they weren’t needed to build the storyline, yet ShinLee dramas hit different y’all. Every role, no matter how small, holds significance to the drama. It really seemed like a collaborative work that shows off every actors skills (and not forgetting staffs) and teamwork.
Anyways because there are way too many characters and too many scenes for me to mention them all, I’ll just talk about some honourable mentions heheh
1. Sunbin and Seokmin confession scene (ahh so cute)
I kinda sensed that they liked each other at the start but I didn’t know Seokmin would ask her out on a date at the end. Even though it’s kinda awkward that they are dating and working with each other though (both are in the same department) but hey the confession was cute and awkward and just warm and fuzzy 🥰
2. MAMA ROSA IS THE QUEENN
I think we all (would) love Mama Rosa because she’s a real one ☝️ (probably the coolest mother ever) She’s feisty, hilarious and kind to others. Plus her friendship with Ju Jong Su was just adorable and super wholesome. The scenes where they were supporting one another through tough times and hanging out with each other when they felt lonely always put a smile on my face. Oh and how Mama Rosa treated Gyeoul was extremely sweet. (as well as Seokhyeong’s mother) Despite her tough exterior, she’s a likeable character for being a strong but caring woman.
3. Just Do Jae Hak
I seriously love this guy so muchhh omg he’s so funny
Do Jae Hak has a funny amd clumsy personality, though it’s clear he’s been through a lot and is strong willed person. From admitting his indecisiveness to counselling Jun Wan on his love issues, there’s literally nothing to hate about him.
4. Uju and his dadd
The father and son chemistry between these two is so good omg. The scenes with these two are so adorable and heartwarming (not to mention hilarious) It’s amazing to see how Ikjun cares so much for Uju despite his hectic workdays while going through infidelity issues with his ex-wife. Uju is matured for his age and shows his love and appreciation for his dad too, making their interaction a great portrayal of a healthy family relationship💞
5. the food stealing the show🥘
Who doesn’t love food and when a show has great food scenes? Some of the best scenes are definitely when the 99s gather to eat. It really showcases each character’s personality with the tiniest details as well as highlight warm delicious meals. Just don’t watch this when you’re hungry at 2am in the morning guys you’ll be drooling all over your screens HAHAHA
Of course there are way more aspects, like Hongdo and Yoonbok, Ikjun and Iksun’s pigeon jokes and raps, or Jeongwon drunk crying in the chicken shop with his brother (who was his coach in Reply 1994 when he played Chilbong LOL)
Most importantly, I think it is the themes and messages that you get from the drama that really create such a lasting impression. Not only does it hit you in the feels with the hardships of hospital patients, or the hardworking doctors+nurses who are working long shifts saving lives, it also tackles topics of friendships through the possibilities of platonic and friends-to-lovers relationships. However I think the biggest lesson for me came from Seokhyeong, who learns to live his life doing what he want, with the people he treasures. Although the drama might seem slow at times (mainly because there isn’t really a main plot line/conflict occurring), but this drama would still bring you on a journey where you would laugh, cry and finish the series, begging for season 2 ✌🏻
#hospital playlist#kdrama recommendations#kdrama review#kdrama#yoo yeon seok#jo jung suk#kim dae myung#jeon mi do#jung kyung ho#shin hyun been#wise doctor life#netflix korean drama#netflix#asian drama#medical drama#friendship drama#korean drama#korean#korean drama review#hospital playlist review
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because 4x01 happened and i had feelings about it. the therapy stuff is taken directly from my own counselling sessions. i might not have gone through a tsunami and a truck bombing, but i’ve seen some shit lol. ANYWAY. i hope y’all like this.
for @capseycartwright who always deserves the best buck content and quality sassy eddie <3
need help (but can you help me? [ao3 link]
buck, buck/eddie, hurt/comfort, therapy
Eddie leaned against the doorjamb to his bathroom, arms folded across his chest. “I hear you’re cheating on me with a Covid crush?”
Buck snorted. “You’ve been talking to Chim.”
“More like had to listen to him,” Eddie corrected. He met Buck’s eyes through the mirror.
“You know I would never—”
“I know, Buck,” Eddie said quickly. He straightened up, came to stand next to Buck at the basin. Buck looked to the left, lips quirking up. Before he could say anything, Eddie leaned in, resting his head on Buck’s shoulder, their eyes meeting in the mirror again. “I trust you.”
Fingers curling around the edge of the basin, Buck sighed. “I should just tell them.”
Eddie kissed Buck’s neck. “You don’t owe anybody anything.”
Silence lapsed between them.
“When you’re ready to tell people, you will,” Eddie said, sliding a hand up Buck’s back, scratching through his hair and then pulled back. “Breakfast in half an hour. Chris is already up.”
“Fuck you,” Buck said with a laugh.
Eddie blew him a kiss and tapped the doorframe on his way out.
_________
Buck wasn’t keeping it a secret deliberately.
Quarantine was difficult. It wasn’t as bad for him as it was for a lot of people given that he was still able to work, but he hadn’t been alone since the quarantine had started. It had started to get too much for him to handle around the second month.
“I used to think I was lonely,” he said, leaning on his desk.
Lisa nodded, sitting back in her chair. “And now?”
“I havent been for a while,” he said. “But not because of quarantine. That’s just made me realize I love my workmates but living with them has been difficult.”
“You’re ready for them to go home.”
Buck huffed a short laugh. “Yeah, I am. Well. I’m sad Eddie’s gone, but I know why he had to.”
Lisa’s face remained impassive. It was one of the reasons Buck liked her. “Do you miss him?”
Missed was an understatement. Though Hen and Eddie had gone home and Buck had been glad to have his apartment mostly to himself, that didn’t stop him missing Eddie like a phantom limb. It had been difficult without Chris around, moreso for Eddie, but Buck had missed him too. That would change now, as long as they were careful and took precautions, and Buck wanted to go back to having Eddie and Chris to himself—without Chm around. “I just wish Chim would leave.”
“Hmm,” Lisa said.
“Not because I’m sick of him,” Buck said. “It’s just hard when he’s here. I feel like I can’t be myself.”
Lisa stared at him. “You can with Eddie?”
“Yeah,” Buck said. “I can.”
“Then start with that,” Lisa said. “Keeping it a secret is taxing on you, and I can imagine on Eddie, but if the two of you have decided it works for you, then only you get to decide when you tell your friends and family.”
“I know.” Buck blew out a slow breath. “Thanks, Lisa.”
“It’s what I’m here for, Buck,” she said with a smile. “However, that’s the end of the session and I have to go. If you need anything, text me, alright?”
Buck nodded, thumb hovering over the mousepad. “I will. Thanks again.”
The sign off was always awkward over Zoom, but Buck hadn’t dealt well with face to face sessions. When he closed his laptop, he sat back in his chair, hearing Maddie’s laugh through the speakers of Chim’s laptop. Great. Rolling his eyes, Buck cast a quick eye at the clock. Not long and they had to be at work.
_________
“Well,” Eddie said. “At least it’s not a tsunami.”
Buck gave him a look. “Are you kidding me?”
Eddie was smiling, the dick, and Buck elbowed him. “Ow,” he said through a laugh. Sobering quickly, he reached out, squeezed Buck’s arm as best he was able in their gear. “It’ll be alright.”
“I can’t do it again, Eddie.”
Eddie turned. “Buck, look at me.”
Buck winced but did as asked. They didn’t have long before they’d be on the roof.
“I’ve got you, hear me? No matter what, you’re not on your own this time.”
I wasn’t before, Buck didn’t say. “Okay.”
“You hearing me?”
“Yes, Eddie, I got you.”
Eddie smirked. “Don’t sass me, Buckley.”
“I’ll do whatever Ilike,” Buck said mulishly, but he couldn’t stop the smile from forming. “Thanks, Eddie.”
“Anytime,” Eddie said, dropping his voice. “Now let’s get this done, alright?”
_____________________
Buck massaged his temples. “It was a disaster. Literally.”
“It was,” Lisa agreed.
“With everything that went on, it reminded me of the tsunami.”
Lisa nodded sympathetically. “That must have been difficult.”
It took Buck a minute to find his voice. “I had a job to do this time as well and I didn’t have Chris to look out for.” When he realised Lisa looked ready to speak, Buck powered on. “Not that I resented looking out for Chris. I know—you know how I feel about that and that I’ll probably always regret it, but I had Eddie this time. I had—a job and someone to help me.”
“Okay,” Lisa said. It wasn’t a dismissal, and Buck nodded. “I know how much trust you have in Eddie, Buck. I just wonder how much you have in yourself.”
“What do you mean?”
“We’ve talked about the truck bombing, the tsunami. We’ve talked about the blood clots and the lawsuit,” and Buck winces at the reminder, “and throughout all of that you mention everything you’ve done wrong.”
Buck frowned. “Yeah?”
“What about the things you did right?”
There was a long silence.
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“I want you to do something for me, okay?”
Buck waited for her to finish, not knowing how to answer.
“Before you next call me, I want you to write down five things you’ve done right in the time you’ve been working. I would prefer it to be related to those incidents we discussed, but I will take other things as well.”
“I—” Buck started.
“If you can’t, it’s okay. I just want you to try.”
“Okay,” Buck said eventually. “I’ll try.”
_____________________
Maddie narrowed her eyes. “So when do I get hear about it?”
“Never,” Buck said, not having to ask what she meant. “It’s private, Mads.”
“Even from me?” Maddie sounded hurt. Buck hated himself just a little but he was taking to heart the things Lisa told him; he and Eddie were the only ones with the right to tell people that they were in a relationship, nobody else could decide for them.
Reaching out, he touched the screen, wishing he could hold her hand. “It’s not what you think, I promise you that. When I’m ready to tell you, I will.”
There was a long pause, but Maddie shut off the call and she didn’t look annoyed. “Okay. I am here if you need me.”
“I know,” Buck said. He missed his sister terribly, but was determined to make Chim leave before he met her himself. . “I wish I could convince Chim to come home.”
Maddie’s face shifted. She looked sad and Buck wished he could change that too. “I’m just as scared as he is. I shouldn’t be doing this alone.”
“Want me to kick his ass?”
Shaking her head, Maddie at least let out a little laugh, so Buck counted it as a win. “No.”
“Maybe this,” Buck said, waving a hand behind him to encompass everything that had happened. “Will shake him up. He hasn’t come home yet.”
“He hasn’t?” Maddie frowned. “Didn’t he finish work with you?”
“I think Hen took him out,” Buck said. “Maybe she’s doing the yelling for you.”
There was the trace of a smile on her face. “I just want him want this as much as I do.”
“Hey,”Buck said, leaning forward. “If there’s one thing I do know about Chim right now, it’s that he’s desperate to be a dad with you, Mads. He’s been going through all my parenting books while we’ve been in lockdown.”
Maddie paused. “Why do you have parenting books?”
“For Chris,” Buck said, rolling his eyes. “Stop it. They were so i could help Eddie.”
“Oh,” Maddie said, and there was the sister he knew and loved so much. “If it’s for Eddie.”
“I’m going now,” Buck said, waving a hand. “Go do whatever it is you and Albert do.”
Maddie laughed and cut off the call.
___________________
“It’s my therapist,” Buck said.
Eddie looked up from cooking dinner. “What?”
“The person I’m calling.”
Eddie didn’t say anything for a long time. Buck worried it was because he was mad, but realised he was just turning off the burner. “Come here.”
Buck went, standing awkwardly next to Eddie, until Eddie reached up, wrapping his arms around Buck’s shoulders. Like a string had been cut, Buck fell against him, sorry when Eddie had to adjust his stance or send them toppling. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
“You didn’t have to,” Eddie assured him, ghosting a kiss across his head. “I’m proud of you.”
“For seeing a therapist?” Buck scoffed.
Eddie pulled back, touching a hand to Buck’s face. “For telling me. I know it’s not an easy thing to do.”
Buck’s breathing was shaky, he could hear it, and he wanted to look anywhere but at Eddie’s face, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away. “I wanted to make everything less messed up.”
“You’re not messed up,” Eddie snapped, then sighed. “I’m sorry. You might feel that way, but I don’t see messed up.”
“What do you see?”
“I see the man I love hurting and struggling.”
The words came out so easily that Buck was almost physically struck by them. “Eddie.”
“I love you,” Eddie said quietly. Buck knew what a gift it was to be loved by someone like Eddie. “I’m behind you no matter what.”
“I know,” Buck said, just as quiet. “I love you too. I just needed—quarantine got to me and I know it did to you—”
“You’re allowed to feel things too. It’s not a competition.”
Buck shrugged. “I know you had Chris.”
“And you had Maddie and me.”
“You were there.”
Eddie nodded, but made a face. “Not in the way we both wanted. It killed me not to be able to touch you or hold you in the way I’m used to.”
“Same.” Buck leaned in, pressed a soft kiss to Eddie’s mouth. “We’re together now.”
“Yeah, we are,” Eddie said, the smile on his face as brilliant as Buck felt. “Come on. Dinner’ll be ready soon and then you can challenge Chris to a lego battle.”
Buck snorted. “I’ll lose. I always do.”
“The joy of being a father,” Eddie said.
Again, Buck was struck by the words, and thought of Maddie. “I am, huh?”
Turning back to the stove, Eddie looked over his shoulder. “You will be.”
It sounded like a hell of a promise.
The next time Buck spoke to Lisa, he was sure he would have those five things she wanted. But if he didn’t, he could talk about Eddie. About Chris, his family, the future. He had something to look forward to and that made everything look brighter.
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1535
What's the last sweet treat you've had?
A vegan brownie. Totally random news but as part of my job I got to have dinner with a celebrity who happens to be an endorser for one of the brands I handle. Super big name and I had to hide my awe the whole time! – but anyway she is one of the nicest people I’ve ever met and she also introduced me and Bea to this cute little all-vegan place in Makati for dinner. She had to leave early but she told us not to miss out on the desserts, so we made sure to buy. I got a Biscoff doughnut and a brownie, both of which were good. The doughnut did have some sort of coconutty aftertaste that I didn’t like at first, but it eventually grew on me; the brownie was simply great.
Would you ever or have you gone golfing? (mini golf counts)
The most golf I’ve done was on Wii Sports. But it does look interesting to me these days (contrary to what I’ve said on recent surveys that golf doesn’t excite me in the least - hahahah a girl can change), and actually Kaye and I chatted up a storm about planning a golf date the next time we see each other.
How about bowling?
I have gone bowling a few times, yup! My arm strength is pretty weak though so my ball always ends up in the gutter hah. I like putting up the bumpers just so I can actually succeed.
What's something you've been wanting to try but don't have the nerve or time?
Tennis. I was really close to applying for lessons with my cousin at the start of the year, but I had other financial priorities at the time and couldn’t just drop 7k for the class. It’s definitely not off my plate though and I’m still looking for the perfect time to finally enroll.
Also, more Korean lessons! I never got to enroll again after my Basic Korean 1 class, but I’ve been wanting to continue with the next session.
Are you able to walk or jog more than 1 mile without stopping?
Walk, yeah. Different story for jogging/running.
Do you enjoy decorating your home for any occasion?
Not really. I don’t even join when my family starts decorating for Christmas lol.
What did you last have to drink?
Coffee.
What's your favorite color in the rainbow?
Purple.
Do you tend to stumble over your words when you're nervous?
Don’t we all? I mean I know some people can handle their nerves better than others, but I don’t think anyone’s never ever stuttered or stumbled over their words.
Are you a fan of Ozzy Osborne?
I wouldn’t call myself that, no.
Have you ever caught Covid-19? or any of the variants?
Yep, I’m sure I did at the start of the year. I never took a test for it but in any case I was asymptomatic and didn’t have to take a day off work.
What color was the blanket that you last covered up with?
Pink, as are all my blankets.
How long do you lay in bed until you get up if you can't sleep?
This hasn’t happened recently; I’ve had no problems falling asleep. But hypothetically, I think I’d start getting worried if it’s been at least an hour.
What's a dance move you can confidently do?
I can mimic the choreo of Mic Drop in its entirety, but I wouldn’t go performance level with the dancing because I can’t dance to begin with haha.
Do you know a Lucy?
I went to kinder with one, but apart from her I haven’t known any other Lucys.
Do you ever listen to any A.M. radio stations?
No, too boring.
Do you stream most of your music?
Yes, on Spotify.
What is something you dread?
Anything bad happening to my loved ones.
Would you say you're an overall nice person?
Yes. Sometimes I feel like I’m too nice just to avoid confrontations. I will say though that I also don’t usually hesitate to pull out an attitude when it comes to people who rub me the wrong way.
What was the last argument you got into about?
Idk. I haven’t gotten in one of those recently.
When did it last rain?
Like, 15 minutes ago. I had plans to go up the rooftop tonight, but the second I stepped outside the air had felt heavy and alarm bells immediately rung in my head hahaha. It poured shortly after.
Do you use big words in your vocabulary?
Eh, I guess. I don’t do it on purpose or to show off my vocabulary, of course; but I feel like this is a side effect of identifying as a writer lol.
Do you keep Christmas bags and old wrapping paper to reuse?
Yes. Everything is stored either in my mom’s closet or the storage space we have under the staircase.
What's a charity you support strongly?
It’s a local NGO called Strays Worth Saving.
What's the first flowers or trees you notice that bloom when it gets warmer?
Uh that’s not really a thing people look out for here. It’s just warm all year round hahaha.
Have you ever accidentally punched yourself in the face while pulling your covers up?
Maybe once or twice. It’s not something I’m prone to doing.
How about dropping your phone on your face?
Not on my face, but I’ve had many near-accidents of having my phone plop to the ground. It’s usually when I fall asleep on my side for a few seconds, phone in hand. Once I feel the sensation of my phone slipping away I jolt awake and catch my phone before it falls.
Have you ever been in a mosh pit?
Nah. I’ve been front row at a concert before but it was nowhere near being a mosh pit.
What's one of your favorite TV shows?
Breaking Bad.
What are 3 words or phrases you use most often?
“Oh my god,” “For real?” and “Girllllllllll” hahaha.
When did you last trip or fall?
Last April when I skipped a step and sprained my ankle.
What type of pain pills do you use for a headache or do you just tough it out?
Biogesic. If I feel like I’ve been too reliant on pills recently, I wil sometimes just rub oilment on my temples and let the cooling effect soothe the headache.
What did you last say out loud to a family member?
I was telling my sister how I barely remember anything I did during my 4-day weekend, and that all the plans I had went undone lmao.
Can you remember the last time you dressed up nice for an event?
June 16th, for a PR event that I was heading.
What did you last thank somebody for?
My mom for making dinner.
Do you see any stuffed animals from where you are?
I have Tata near me, if they count.
Do you or anyone you know suffer from food allergies?
Yeah, I know a bunch of people allergic to seafood.
Look up from your device. how much black do you see?
Eh, I wouldn’t say it’s all black since I have my night lamp on. Most of the darkness comes from outside since it’s nighttime.
What color do you dislike the most?
Neon green.
Can you whistle good enough to get through a whole song?
Sure, if I try hard enough. I’ve never needed to whistle that long though.
What did you last tie a knot for?
For my shoelaces.
How many surveys have you taken so far today?
This is my third.
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hi i was wondering if i could send an emergency request. i just feel so numb and like,, what’s the point of everything ykw i mean? i love my friends and i love seeing their success but it seems that they’re thriving post covid but i’ve gone 20 steps back and am stagnant, not going forward. my usb w all my assignments for uni got corrupted and bc i didn’t back it up, i’ve lost 5 weeks worth of work i’ll have to redo, on top of half of an assignment i’ve done that’s due tomorrow. i still haven’t been able to get a job (not even an interview) and i’m feeling uglier everyday bc i can’t find time or motivation to work out. idc it’s all small things but it’s piling up, i find myself unable to find the motivation to cook and feeling like i’m judged everytime i step out. it just feels like i have nothing to live for basically, i keep entertaining thoughts of dropping out or just dying lmfaoo (i won’t do it, never even come close but the thoughts are always there). idek what the point of this is, do i want fluff? ig,, idk. could it please be w yamamoto, nishinoya, yaku and kageyama? or if you can’t write them all, just one or two. i know you’ve been full of emergency requests lately so whenever you get around to mine, i’ll be so grateful. thank you so much ❤️
Hi baby, I’m so sorry to hear about your usb! the audacity! I totally get what you’re feeling, everything seems unreachable and hard but I believe in you! I hope you managed to do that essay and don’t worry too much on the job (it took me a whole year to find a job), ugly? you’re a beauty! and I know those thoughts come around but it’s good to know you would never.. I hope these are okay and if not I will happily write something better xx
~
Warning: frustrated reader
~
Yamamoto
* he rushes to your room, hands behind his back as he excitedly enters
* He pauses when he sees your distressed expression, quickly going towards you as he wonders what’s wrong
* “Hey? Are you okay? Tell me, pretty?” He drops whether he had from his hand and instantly pulls you into him, arms secure around your shoulder as he kisses your temple
* When you tell him about everything going wrong for you, he’s quick to stop you
* “No! You’re amazing! So beautiful and amazing. So what other people seem to be doing better, everyone has a different journey. I know you, you have the guts to do whatever you want. I’ll be here supporting you!” He pulls back to tell you, a big motivating smile on his face as he rubs your shoulder
* He quickly goes to retrieve what he dropped, rubbing his nape before showing you the teddy bear that says ‘awesome’ on it
* “So you remember how great you are!”
Nishinoya
* you’re upset and he’s gonna allow it? No
* He sees your hand scrunching your hair and his eyes widen when you he lol in frustration
* “Heyyy! Don’t do that, you’ll hurt yourself!” Gently removed your hand from your hair and holds them, squeezing them as he asks you to tell him what’s wrong
* “What?! Listen, don’t worry about what other people are doing. You’re incredible and I know you’ll end up doing something amazing. Okay, so far it hasn’t been great but don’t stop! We can only get better if we push ourselves, right?” He kisses your palms and looks at you
* “You’re so pretty and smart. You’ll get through this and look back at this and laugh. You got me! I’ll do my best to help you! Now, show me that pretty smile.” He chuckles as he pokes your sides, running his hands around you until he hears your laugh
* “Next time, if feel frustrated, just pull my hair instead.” He winks
Yaku
* He’s there as soon as sees a missed call from you
* Finds you angrily throwing your usb and pulling at your face
* “Honey, you okay? What happen?” He pulls you away from your current place and has you sit on your bed
* His eyebrows are knitted when you choke out all the fortunates, his jaw clicking at the way you describe yourself
* “Stop. That’s not true. You’re gorgeous and you’ll get this! I’m so proud of how you’ve handled things so far. Don’t think so little of yourself because you are stunning and strong. I’ll help you with whatever you need. You know I’ll take care of you.”
* He’ll get you under the covers and and then join you, he’ll spoon you and play with your fingers, picking it up to place a soft kiss, whispering in your ear all the things you’ve done that are worth celebrating
* Afterwards he’ll bring you a snack, he’ll you over your work and give you kisses every minute for encouragement
* “You’re amazing, don’t forget that. Everyday I can’t wait to see you, touch you and kiss you. I’ll always support you, just don’t burden your feelings alone. I’m here for you.”
* Cuddles with you after, presses kisses all over your face and tells you a dumb joke, earning him your smile
#emergency request#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu headcanons#haikyuu imagines#hq x reader#yamamoto x reader#yamamoto taketora x reader#nishinoya headcanons#yamamoto headcanons#nishinoya x reader#nishinoya yuu x reader#yaku headcanons#yaku x reader#yaku morisuke x reader#hq headcanons
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Out of Tune
Book/Pairing(s): Open Heart Book 3 || Dr. Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr. Abigail “Abby” Chacko)
Category/Warning(s): Mature || sexual content
Word Count: 800
Premise: One member of the jazz band from the tech party witnesses exactly how two of the doctors make most of their time alone.
Author’s note: Our family tested positive for COVID, and I’m bored. Imaginations run wild, so here ya go.
Anand Yadgiri is drained.
Drained from the party. Drained from Leland Bloom’s apprentices. Drained from Bloom himself. Drained from businessmen that can’t stop chattering their mouths off his ear. Drained from all these guests that keep asking him and his band to change the music.
It’s COVID season and they can’t even social distance from themselves.
There are doctors. Doctors in a tech-related party. And for what?
He is wholeheartedly done.
Bloom actually has the heart to give them a five minute break from this disastrous, noisy hell of a party.
Anand takes a champagne flute from a passing waiter and drains it in one go. All he wants to do is go home to his grandmother, make sure she’s alright. But he’s not allowed since Bloom won’t pay them until they stay for at least two more hours.
Two more hours.
He can’t deal with this. He wants to leave, or he’ll actually cry.
He has a trip with his grandma and friend. Who knows if he can do that?
As he drinks his champagne in an empty dark corner, his friend. Glen, walks to him, a rather frustrated look on his face.
“Bloom wants our band to move near the right side of the windows.”
Anand scoffs. “For what? Can’t they hear us playing loud as we can.”
“Well apparently, he wants another set of buffets to be in the position we are currently.”
“Another set of buffets?”
Quite possibly taking in his current face, Glen replies, “Unfortunately.”
Anger contorts his face as he takes it in. Anand is drained.
“This man is impossible. All of this for what? Tech?”
His friend sighs. “Yep.”
This is monstrous. No, this is preposterous.
He’s making them do all of this for what? Just for some cash?
He’s lucky he doesn’t have another job, or else he would have left quickly from this horrid excuse of a party.
“Although, we do need to think about his wife, and how they can’t even touch each other anymore...” Glen trails off.
Ah, that news. He has to admit, he felt pretty guilty and bad of how Leland can’t make physical contact with his wife, Caroline anymore. It would have been depressing if that was the case for Anand.
Luckily, it isn’t.
His friend interrupts his train of thoughts.
“Alright, Imma go help the boys set our band near those windows.”
“I’ll be there once I take a small break.”
Anand glances around his surroundings, guests partying their asses off. Many tech-related people try to schmooze their way to the doctors. As he looks to the window, he sees that the band went to the buffets to restock their energy.
He can’t blame them.
He nears the windows to take his saxophone, lowering it to a quiet voice, to practice by himself. Suddenly, he sees a flash of purple outside the windows.
Curiosity overtakes him as he follows the purple.
Finally, the purple stops. It was a woman wearing a purple dress.
The dress is ugly as sin.
But the woman is beautiful.
Dare he say, a model.
And the man tightly wrapping his arms around her seems to agree with him.
Oh.
Oh.
Are they doing what he thinks they’re doing in such a very public place? On the balcony?
They’re making out as if it’s their last minutes alive. The man slams the woman against the railing as he devours her lips passionately, his hands insatiable as they roam her body.
Wait.
Wait.
Good gods, is that Dr. Ethan Ramsey? One of the most famous diagnosticians alive? What the hell happened to him?
He really wishes to ask him for an autograph, but how is he gonna do that in this position?
And wait. The woman... Dr. Abigail Chacko?
The sister of the Dr. Sebastian Chacko?
The female doctor who saved the life of Dr. Naveen Banerji?
He saw her name everywhere on television, from his cure to the gas leakage at the hospital.
Shaking his head, he inspects closely even as he refuses his actions to himself.
Abigail’s own hands wander over his back and shoulders, her matching purple fingernails scraping over the fabric of his dark jacket. She murmurs something in his ear, something that wasn’t very clear. But Ramsey’s words can be heard quite intelligibly.
“I know. It’s taking everything I have not to rip this new outfit off you...”
And then he smiles devilishly. “But I imagine it would raise questions if we returned to the party totally naked.”
Anand swallows hard.
Something most definitely happened to the man who he always sees as condescending and strict on live television.
Instantly, he hears a loud gasp, to which it’s suddenly drained.
Oh my goodness.
Is he grinding against her?
The saxophonist can’t take it anymore.
He accidentally makes a sharp off-key note with his saxophone that is half dangling from his mouth.
The doctors, and before they turn around, he acts like he hasn’t been watching their little performance, and pretends to set the instruments up near the windows.
After a few minutes, Anand peers back consciously. They’re not there.
Just then, Bloom announces for the jazz band to perform “So What” by Miles David.
And Anand Yadgiri is most definitely drained.
Author’s note: I know, I know, it’s short. That’s all the energy I have for today lol. Please stay safe, wear a mask and use hand sanitizers whenever possible! ♥️
Perma: @potionsprefect @gryffindordaughterofathena @maurine07 @missmiimiie @mom2000aggie @nezuzoned
Ethan x MC: @rookie-ramsey @starrystarrytrouble @sophxwithers @lucy-268 @udishaman @ohchoices @ariandrine @mayatrueman @takemyopenheart @obsessedrookie @estellaelysian @sunsetsparade @xxtraord1nary
#pixelberry choices#choices stories you play#pixelberry#open heart#open heart choices#pixelberry open heart#playchoices#ethan ramsey#ethan x mc#ethan ramsey x mc#dr ethan ramsey#dr ethan jonah ramsey#ethan jonah ramsey
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