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#closing my eyes just feels weird idk
rozugold · 1 year
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destisea-a · 2 months
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more uhh briar notes.
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oscill4te · 2 months
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i feel like no one wants to see animal death (photos) which i understand but i had quite a jumpscare at work today. walked in the freezer to put some things away for the meat department and see a pigs whole head sitting on a gray tray... her body is gone but her head is not butchered, except for her eyes. you can see her teeth..even the hairs on her chin... her snout. but no eyes. ... could not stop staring.
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rexscanonwife · 3 months
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Bro where did this wave of love even COME from I just queued a bunch of scout art for later and I wanna draw some nice sibling stuff and I'm thinking about how Engie calls him Jackrabbit and my partner calls me bunny rabbit waaahh 😭😭💖💖
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arthur-r · 8 months
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falling asleep worked i did it for three hours. now what i’m still tired i just also wasted the day and looked stupid to my roommate….
#like im glad i slept but also. same problems as before#although my french teacher emailed me back said i should go to office hours. which is a proper response to my email#wikipedia guy texted me back with details like an hour after i texted but also like two or three hours ago#gonna settle the score by bringing a $20 bill tomorrow then i won’t feel so weird and guilty#but no i feel so fucking stupid and gross for like. i was crying so close to my roommate so i had to fall asleep#or else i’d be standing up with tears in my eyes next to my roommate which is worse#but i just. i dont know. like he thinks i’m just lazy. i’m always asleep i never tell him why#i dont know. good morning i hope everyone is doing well#there are two people i usually get dinner with and one is out of town and the other i think his parents are here and also things are weird#translation things aren’t weird i’m just weird and feel guilty for being such a weird person#anyway i just. college?? what am i doing here????#i talked to my mom this morning she says that she felt the same way during college and that she should have dropped out way earlier#which. not helpful?? what do i do after i drop out?? i am someone who can’t hold a normal part time job and my only HOPE is ending up being#i mean anything really just something that requires a lot of prior experience!!#and the college is paying me really good to go to school but only if i stay full time#so i cant just lower my course load because that will actually make everything worse instead of better#idk. going to french teachers office hours tomorrow and will figure out time for linguistics teacher too and will get my LIS grade back up#(that one is just simple that one is i missed two discussion posts but there are ten more to come and also tests and stuff. i’ll be ok)#idk. and i still want to go to my LIS teachers office hours and ask how he became professor of rare books print culture and information bias#that is a good set of things to be a scholar for. and he’s curating collections at the same time as being my teacher#so idk. professors don’t seem as stupid and uppity as they used to. and i think i want to do that someday#plus with the salary jump from librarian i can feasibly become a major donor to local libraries to keep that influence around shdhdf#(although. if i get paid by the school (!!) to get a phd in print culture who says i don’t become a fancy librarian with that??)#i dont know. this is so stupid because i get so excited about the prospects and then i go back to the present and i’m flunking out of school#my grades haven’t been this bad since the height of COVID i thought something about me had gotten better but apparently not#like literally who went and made me traumatized?? why did you have to do that?? now i can’t be a normal person?? shut up!!!!#idk. just feel like if i weren’t having panic attacks about the fact that people are safe and kind here (and therefore must be hiding their#true intentions and taking advantage of me) then maybe i would have remembered to take my french test#idk. i’m tired and want to go home. sorry for venting all day i hope everyone is doing okay#vent cw
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kiddokori · 1 year
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doctor office workers love me for my polite tones and sense of whimsy
#had an eye exam and they did a bunch of new shit cuz i havent been in a few years#like they did the normal shit they did the slides and the lights and the letters#but they also numbed my corneas w this yellow eyedrop stuff and everything turned yellow for a minute#and then they took this bright as little pinpoint light and got it reaaaally close to my eye#and after i was like man that got so close i thought it was gonna touch my eye lol#and the lady said oh it did thats why i numbed you. i just dont tell people their first time so they dont get squeamish#and i went well! thats very cool now that ive done it and know it feels like nothing but yes i probably wouldve been squeamish thank you#and then the doctor came in and was like ok follow the pen and i was tryjng not to giggle because it felt so silly like. idk#and i told him i was like sorry if this is weird but im very tickled about this whole process like its fun to me its interesting i feel like#a little kid its neat#and he was like well im glad you’re enjoying yourself now read these tiny ass letters#he was cool he thought it was funny#and the lady that helped me pick out new glasses was really nice and helped me out and told me which ones she liked on me#(i ended up going w the ones she liked because i also liked them theyre cool it was fun)#interacting with random people makes me feel so well adjusted and normal like this is what its all about.#just having fun being a little kooky at the eye doctor. thats what im here for#my eyes are so sensitive now tho and its bright as fuck outside#theres no clouds and snow on the ground so im being bombarded by reflected light#i am under fucking attack
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violentdevotion · 8 months
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if u see me watchmen oc posting no u didnt
my eyes are closed. so long as you can forgive me in 2 days when i stop posting about watchmen and start incessantly posting about something else
#ameeras.got.mail#martin tag#idk what the something else is yet it comes naturally#i need to finish the movie tonight so that gives me a few more days#if i watched the show it wouldve been a week of watchmen At Least but i watched the first episode and was uncomfortable with the politics#of it (new mutuals so to clarify not in a 'why is there so many black people' wasy as im certsin some freaks felt. i was mostly uncomfy#with how the role of the police regarding the conversation of antiblack racism in the us just was not looked at at all)#like i read somewhere that the head showwriter was a donator to kamila harris' campaign. he had never heard of the tusla massacre until a#few months before the show was created and overall from the first ep i just felt the politics were confused#like it wanted to say White Supremacy Bad but also look at these cops brutalise these people and these people are white supremacists so how#does that make u feel. do u feel sorry for the white supremacist???#also i think the masked cops thing makes no sense the more i think about the source material. watchmen 1985: we dont want vigilantes#because theres no one to hold them accountable. watchmen 2019: you cant see a cops face#ALSO the way the (albeit the first episode so granted i expect it to develop the politics further) locked guns thing was presented was weird#to me. like in conversations regarding police brutality to turn around and show a black man get shot through the chest because he didnt hav#access to his firearm and a white supremacist got him???? its just WEIRD#anyway sorry if you can forgive my changing interests and my dislike of the show (based off of one episode only) i can close me eyes to uroc#😑
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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...
#sometimes i feel very normal and then i interact with ppl lol#i had an in person meeting with my boss for the 1st time in ages and i usually talk to ppl while theyre driving or were walking somewhere#so i forgot how much im like obviously not making eye contact when ppl talk to me while hunched over and fidgeting lol#and when im trying to explain ideas to ppl abt like data stuff im like: i dont understand how what im saying doesnt make sense???#also with a healthy dose of wtf is this person trying to say to me? u r saying words and i dont kno what theyre directed at#we had a lab party and im like v awkward at those things. idk how to interact in groups#ppl r interacting and im watching like u r clearly getting something out of this that i am not#i did maybe secure a place as a patient for one of our undergrads who is in the dental school lol#she was like yea i need 8 patients and i was like lol u can look in my mouth and then proceeded to tell her all the weird teeth problems#ive had. maybe that was weird but she seemed interested so 🤷#i hope she follows up bc i havent been to the dentist in like 3 years#and i still habe my wisdome teeth#lol me at any party: i am waiting patiently until i can leave.#like its weird bc those r the time when ppl bond and make memories and all that but everytime someone calls back to events that ive been#there fore it baffles me bc im like. yea that was a thing that happened. i dont really have any feelings abt it so idk y u r recalling it#fondly??? plus my ears r kinda fucked so it was hard to focus on individual conversations#ay im so scatterbrained. thats what happens when u get little sleep and dont allow ur self to chill. ill just crunch myself into a lil ball#at least my boss tried to reassure me that id get accepted somewhere phd wise. but i will not relax until its official so rip#i just really want 2 specific schools to work out bc one is close to home and the other i can prob get good classes and opportunities#ugh i need to sleep. but im not tired :-P#unrelated
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aroace-poly-show · 11 months
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i keep feeling really weird whenever i get up out of my bed
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arklay · 2 years
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#tw: animal death#tw: animal illness#woke up sobbing cause it finally kicked in that he’s fucking gone. it’s like. i can’t even describe to anyone how just close i was with him#and loved him like he had the sweetest soul even if he was a little cheeky at times and he had these big eyes that were just full of so much#love and soul and i just spent so much time with him the past ten years it feels so weird that he’s just not here. it feels wrong. like this#is his home this is where he’s supposed to be like why isn’t he here… i was walking down the hallway yesterday and like turned my head at my#mum’s room expecting or looking for him to be on the rug he liked and he wasn’t there and it just gutted me but i was so numb i couldn’t cry#or anything and like my mum came home from being out and it was only our other dog barking by herself and it was so tough to hear like his#barking may have hurt my ears and sent me into sensory overload some times but i miss it i miss him so much. i think even though i knew how#sick he was and that we were going to lose him at some point like i just kept denying it would really happen and now i feel so empty without#him here. he brought so much life to our house and he’s just gone. even in the last few months where you could see his eyes getting cloudy#and his walk more wobbly and just he was so tired he still had these moments of bouncing around and his tail just wagging and idk i can’t#stop thinking about him and i know it’s going to take a while before i stop crying just at the mention of his name considering i still#sometimes do with my old cat who died 7 years ago and i wasn’t even that close with cause he had a lot of things going on in his head and#would attack me a lot like he’s story makes me really sad but like what i mean like i had this really big connection with jazz and so if i’m#still so sensitive thinking about buster then i’m going to hold onto jasper forever i think. he was so special i could talk about him#forever i miss him so much#i’m also like feeling just really hurt over something else that’s like related but not so it’s all kicking me this morning#leah.txt
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giverofempathy · 1 year
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oohhhh i am experiencing so many little joys. feeling like im holding my life in my hands and looking down at it with tears in my eyes. everything is so beautiful
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drinkthemlock · 2 years
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JORDAN MOONEY DIED???? AND NO ONE FUCKING TOLD ME????
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melzula · 3 months
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well since requests are open i wanted to request a zuko fic?
zuko x waterbender reader in which someone from team avatar walks in on them kissing?
i feel like it’d be funny idk lol 😂
a/n: i love this trope it’s so funny. also it’s like subtly mentioned reader is a water bender since i didn’t wanna just shove it in there awkwardly. anyway hope you enjoy!
summary: a private moment between you and your boyfriend is interrupted by your unsuspecting friends
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“Are you sure no one saw you come in here?”
“Yes, I’m sure,” Zuko says with a huff after closing the flaps of your tent. “You know, I’m starting to think you’re embarrassed to be seen with me.”
“You know that’s not true,” you argue with a frown. “I just enjoy having some privacy. I know those guys are going to make a big deal about us being together, and I just want to enjoy our relationship without having to deal with any prying eyes.”
“I know,” he admits with a sigh. “I’m just tired of sneaking around. Do you know how difficult it is not to kiss you or check on you after a fight with my sister? It’s torture.”
“It’s just until the war is over. There’s a lot at stake right now, and it would be a weird time to come clean. It’ll be over before you know it.”
“I hope you’re right,” Zuko murmurs with a frown, one that immediately melts away at the feel of your arms wrapping around his midsection. It’s hard to be upset when you’re smiling up at him with the purest look of adoration in your eyes. Despite everything, all of his flaws and mistakes and cruelty, you love him, and it fuels the warmth inside of his heart knowing he has someone like you. Maybe he would have joined the Avatar and his friends sooner if he knew it would lead him to you.
“At least we’re finally alone,” he notes with a faint smile before leaning down to press his lips against your own in a long awaited kiss. He hasn’t been able to give or receive affection all day, and it isn’t until now with your chest pressed against his own that he’s finally able to truly feel relaxed.
Unfortunately, you’re both too engrossed in each other to notice the rustling of your tent flaps as Sokka and Toph let themselves in without a second thought.
“Hey, y/n, Toph and I are gonna head into town, do you want to- oh, gross!” He cries after catching Zuko and yourself mid lip lock.
You both jump at the intrusion, knocking your head together on accident and groaning in unison at the impact.
“Sokka!” You cry out in embarrassment. “Monkey feathers, don’t you knock?!”
“It’s a tent! There is no knocking!” He yells back defensively, equally as upset as you are. “I can’t believe you guys were kissing!”
“We weren’t kissing,” Zuko argues, his face red with embarrassment. “We were… hugging… with our… mouths?”
“Oh, spirits,” you groan, your palm hitting your forehead in embarrassment at Zuko’s horrible attempt at lying. For a Prince, he has a terrible way with words. You’d think all that time spent with his Uncle would make his vocabulary more eloquent.
“If Toph could see she’d be very upset right now!” Sokka scolds, but the girl beside him simply shrugs.
“Actually, this works out great for me. Katara owes me five gold pieces now,” she says with a grin.
“You guys knew they were dating and didn’t tell me?!” The water tribe boy says in offense.
“I had a hunch, but Katara disagreed, so we made a bet.”
“Enough already! This is mortifying enough as it is,” you groan impatiently. “Sokka, we’ll talk about this later. For now, I need both of you out!”
After getting the two to leave the tent, you shut it closed with an irritated sigh. You’re absolutely humiliated, and you don’t think you can show your face to your friends ever again.
“So much for keeping it a secret,” the fire bender mutters.
“You,” you say with an accusatory finger pointed at the Prince, “need to learn how to lie better.”
“I know,” he admits meekly, awkwardly scratching the back of his neck. Sighing, you open your water pouch and tend to the growing bump on his head from your previous collision. You can’t stay mad at him when he looks so flustered and sweet, so instead you merely throw your arms around his neck and pull him back in for another kiss.
You can focus on coming clean later. For now, you just want to enjoy your moment of peace with the boy you love.
| zuko tags: @thebluelcdy @royahllty @the-firebender-girl @ilovespideyyy @yiyibetch @eridanuswave @lammello @a-monsters-love @knaite-solo @taeeemin @lora21
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tteokdoroki · 7 months
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☆༉ — SATORU GOJO. a flicker of a flame.
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about. when satoru notices the flicker of cursed energy within your unborn child, he starts to feel the weight and nerves of becoming a father.
warnings. minors, blank and ageless blogs do not interact! sfw, fluff, expecting parents, reader is pregnant, hospitals, nerves about being parents, listen idk how gojo’s cursed technique works so here u go >:( canon verse, expecting father!gojo, fem!reader.
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“i can see it…like…flickering inside of you.”
satoru carries an expression of intrigue, like a child who’s just discovered a new sensation.
you flip the page of your magazine, not bothering to spare your husband a glance while you instead choose to admire the many strollers and their offers that decorate the page. “don’t be weird, satoru.” you tap a perfectly manicured nail against the one you like most, leaning over to show the item to him.
“but it’s there… like actually there.” the sorcerer replies, keeping his voice low despite the loud ambience of the maternity ward’s waiting room. people crying, people celebrating, families already full of children gathering around to hear more exciting news. “i like that one. it’ll fit in the hallway too. do you want it in grey or in black?”your husband passes you a pen from the depths of your tote bag in his lap, letting you circle the stroller in the magazine so you know to come back to it.
this time, you do him the honours of looking up at him — a fresh glare settled on your glowing features. “satoru gojo please stop referring to our baby as an ‘it’.” you sigh in exhaustion, watching him slump in his seat because you know he hates it when you’re irritated with him. “i thought you were excited about having a baby girl. and the grey one, it goes with your eyes.”
that seems to perk him up enough, earning you a kiss to your cheek that has you smiling like a fool in the nurses office. “sorry, sorry…” satoru starts to coo warmly, a soft tone that’s usually reserved for you and his students. “it’s just that… every time i look at you, i see two vessels of cursed energy instead of one. there’s a flicker of a flame there, right where she would be. it’s blowing my mind.” he points to your bump, nestled away under the layer of his clothing since they’re the only thing that makes you feel comfortable right now.
you close your magazine slowly, fighting the flutter of your heart and the warmth that spreads through your body. you know that your husband is being cautious, overly observant and extremely over protective — being pregnant and having a baby in your line of work was dangerous. scary, even. but you knew that satoru wanted this with you, and you him. that he cared a little too hard or worried slightly too much because while he was the strongest, you’d become every target and every weakness to him.
you and your daughter.
an unborn child who may possibly have the powers of a god among men.
so, instead you tuck away the irritation that comes with your hormones and let your gaze slink over to the large man squished into the abnormally small seat of the waiting room — just to be by your side. “do you need me to explain how pregnancy works, satoru?” you quip and rest your head on your knuckles, just to make him laugh and ease up a little.
a wiry smile starts to tug at the corner of his soft, pink lips. “i’d rather you show me but i think we got the fun part nailed.” gojo’s face splits into a wide grin, making you roll your eyes. “we made her, yanno. she’s alive in there because you’re keeping her safe.”
“and you too, mister six eyes.” you tap his skull, brushing against pure white locks, as gojo leans over you affectionately — probably in demand for a kiss (which you give).
the receptionist calls your family name from the front desk — no doubt to call you in for your neonatal appointment. another set of scans to help confirm your little girl is nice and healthy before you tell the rest of your friends and family later today.
gojo wanted to hand out copies of your scans to everyone at dinner. show off.
but as you stand, satoru goes quiet, offering you his hand as aid. “do you think…do you want…” pressing his lips into a thin line, your husband mulls over his words whilst guiding you down the hall to the doctors office — nodding to the receptionist to thank her as you pass. “i hope she doesn’t have what i have. i wouldn’t wish this burden on anyone.” he looks you straight in the eye, blue eyes piercing your soul. you feel your baby move and kick, forcing you to wonder if she’ll have the same mind blowing eyes as her father. “i hope she’s like you. beautiful and strong and—“
“ours. she’ll be ours and the best parts of both of us. her daddy’s strength, bravery, good looks and her momma’s wits, pretty ‘get me what i want eyes’ and smarts too.” you laugh, bright and loud as you cut gojo off — turning to look at him with a happy smile. “if she turns out like that, the best parts of both of us she’ll be perfect. i’ll love her because you gave her to me, we can figure out the rest later.”
that seems to reassure satoru, who sags in relief by your side as he wraps an arm around you, his large palm splaying across your baby bump. “you’re right, you’re right,” he grins again, feeling her little feet mercilessly kick at his palm. “as long as she’s healthy, we’ll be fine. i love you.”
“we love you too.” you swoon a little too much.
satoru gojo will be a great father, you think, your baby girl is so lucky — she has the strongest daddy in the world and he loves her a little too much already.
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꒰ end. — all rights reserved © tteokdoroki 2023. do not copy, repost, translate & recommend elsewhere.
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Only in Dreams
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Pairing: Azriel x Reader
Summary: In his dreams, Azriel recounts how he got to his mate.
Word count: 2k
Warnings: Some angst, mentions of injuries
a/n: Hi this is my first acotar fic idk what I'm doing. I've been reading them for years so here's a little one for fun <3 I know it's different from my usual but inspiration is a finicky creature :) Also, italics denote flashbacks.
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There was very little Azriel wouldn’t do for his mate. 
He had learned that early on. 
In those early days, when the bond had made itself known to only him, there was so much confusion and strife within the shadowsinger. He had known you for decades, admired you from afar, and befriended you under self-made pretenses. You were a light, a healer, too good and sweet to be anything to him other than a friend, a coworker. 
But you were also his mate. 
The air had been knocked from his lungs at the realization. 
“Is everything okay?” you had asked, sweet confusion bunching at your brows. 
And Azriel couldn’t answer, not for several long beats. 
“Az, what’s wrong? You look like Cassian after he took that weird herb Majda wanted me to test.”
Another bout of silence, this time accompanied by soft, warm hands along his cheeks. You leaned in, the sweet scent knocking him out of his stupor. As he jerked back, you only followed, blinking in surprise. 
“Azriel—” 
“I apologize,” he finally—weakly—stammered out. “I was talking with Rhys.” 
“You were talking with Rhys?” 
It hadn’t sounded much like a question, but Azriel nodded anyways, enraptured by you and your closeness. He needed to get away, to leave. You were too close. He was too weak. 
But then you giggled, and the sound was so melodic and saccharine that he found himself breathless again. He could get lost in that sound. If he was being honest with himself, he had gotten lost in that sound plenty of times before. But now… now. Gods, now you were his mate. 
As you laughed some more, teasing retorts echoing in the air, Azriel knew you had no idea. 
And, as Azriel had learned, that was fine. You didn’t need to know. Because he knew, and that was enough. 
Enough for the overwhelming devotion he felt for you to finally have substance. To finally be validated. 
You were his—everything sweet and good was his to protect. And, gods, did he want to protect you. 
You made that very difficult in the weeks after the bond had snapped for him. His instincts were in overdrive, taking note of your every move and praying to the cauldron that you were careful when he was sent on missions and you stayed back in Velaris. He had nothing to worry about when that was the case. The inner circle loved you almost as much as he did. 
But then Rhys decided you were needed. 
With an unreciprocated mating bond and a mate that cared so little for her own self-preservation, that had been Azriel’s worst nightmare. 
“Reconsider.” 
“There is nothing to reconsider, Azriel. We need a healer in Windhaven to show them that the clipping won’t be seen to fruition. And y/n just so happens to be our court healer,” Rhys carefully explained for the third time. 
“Send Majda.” 
Rhys held the bridge of his nose. “There is a reason y/n took over her post. Madja is far too old to be making those kinds of trips.” 
“Send anyone else,” Azriel rasped, a tightness to his words. 
“No. She is the best. It will only be for a few weeks and Cassian—” 
“Rhysand.” 
Rhys paused at the desperation laced within his brother’s tone. He removed the fingers attempting to abate the ache along his temple and observed Azriel’s clenched fists and restless shadows. Rhys’s lips parted in shock, his eyes blinking in quick succession. Something clicked within his gaze.
“Is she…” 
The muscle in Azriel’s jaw quivered. “Just don’t send her there. Please.” 
Rhys raised a hand to run down his jaw. “My gods, Azriel. This is…this is—does she know?” 
“No,” he replied, quick and low. 
“I understand what you’re feeling, but I can’t stop her. You know that, brother.” 
And, unfortunately, Azriel knew that. 
When you set your mind to something—when you knew you were going to help people—that was it. There would be nothing keeping you from helping those in need. Especially the Illyrian women. Azriel was pretty sure you kept a dartboard somewhere in the house with Lord Devlon’s face on it. 
He loved that about you, truly he did. But it also made you reckless.
There were plenty of instances where you burned yourself out from healing. You would come home swaying on your feet or be so depleted you couldn’t even winnow correctly. He could count on two hands the amount of times you passed out at the dinner table after work. When he thought about you doing that in Windhaven… Azriel couldn’t even stomach the thought. 
“Then order her,” Azriel gritted out. He could hear you coming. You and Cassian, bags packed, chatting down the hall about something insignificant. 
Why couldn’t he come, again? 
Right, because he would “stir up the camp” or whatever obtuse reason Rhys had given him. 
“You know that won’t go over well,” Rhys countered. 
“Neither will the entirety of Windhaven if she gets hurt.” 
Azriel’s threat fell on deaf ears as you came bounding into the room, bright and determined and smiling at him as if you weren’t leaving. 
“Here to see us off, Az?” 
That trip to Windhaven had been awful—for Azriel and for you. Rhys’s “ordering” hadn’t been effective, and neither had Cassian’s ability to pick up on context clues. As you stood, baffled at Rhys’s sudden change in plans, Cassian didn’t so much as look at Azriel’s subtle vies for assistance. Because Cassian had been just as baffled as you were. 
So, you went to Windhaven. 
And then you came home hurt. 
Not terribly, just a few cuts and a black eye that rivaled his own from the last time he trained with the Valkyries. 
Cassian explained that there had been a fight unrelated to you, but you had gotten caught up in it. He suspected it was a ploy to get hands on you, but Azriel had stopped listening to him the second you landed on the balcony with stitches on your forehead. The moment he saw your hands bandaged and your eye purple and blue. 
You had laughed about your inability to fight, knocking an injured hand into Cassian’s side as he jested that it was time for you to get into the training ring with him. Later, Azriel would agree with that sentiment. In that moment, however, unparalleled fear had coursed through his veins. Rhys was the only one ready for it. 
Cassian’s back slammed into the far wall of the house, wings splaying out against stone. Azriel’s shadows were gone as he held his brother against the wall, abandoning him in favor of wrapping around your wounds. 
Azriel thought he heard you scream. 
“You said you would protect her!” he seethed, pushing his forearm against Cassian’s throat, blue siphon blazing atop his hand.
“Azriel, stop!” Your call went unheard. Rhys stood ground in front of you, arm jutting out when you tried to get around him. 
Cassian pushed back against him, face twisted in confusion. “I did. I pulled her from that fight as soon as I could, Az. You think—” his words cut off with another shove from his brother “—you think I would have let anything happen to her on purpose?” 
Azriel growled, low and dangerous. “All I think is that my mate came back looking like that when you swore to take care of her. You swore.” 
The room went silent, stagnant. Even the shadows halted their appraisal of you as you held onto Rhys’s arm. Cassian stopped fighting. Somewhere down the hall, the rushed footsteps of some other member of the family abruptly stopped. 
“She’s your mate?” 
“Azriel—” Your whisper was lost in the lingering chaos of the room. 
The time after was a blur for Azriel. He knew he left the balcony, retreating to his room hastily after sending you a longing, apologetic glance. He knew you called after him, that you were breathless and shaking and Rhys kept holding you back… telling you to give him some time to cool off. 
He didn’t need time. He needed you, and Azriel had been positive that would never happen now. 
Half of his shadows joined him in his room, engulfing him as he sat on his bed with his head in his hands. The other half stayed with you, still worried about the pain that you had endured. It was a miracle you hadn’t sent them away. They would have listened to you if you had. They would always listen to you. 
When the door creaked, his shadows covered him even more, encasing his fear and worry and embarrassment into a shell that kept him safe. 
He was a fool. 
“Azriel?” 
He had to be imagining the sweet trill of your voice. There was no way you had come for him, not after all of that. But soon, your shoes slinked into the mess of shadows between his legs, and a bandaged hand gently guided his chin up. 
When he met your eyes, his shadows circled faster. His wings fell lower and lower against the bed, giving himself up to your gaze. 
“Azriel,” you repeated, music within the swish of dark air. “Care to explain, shadowsinger?”
The bruises on your face made his stomach turn. He went to look away, to escape this physical and mental turmoil, but you only locked your wrists and kept him there. 
It took him a moment, but he finally relented. 
“You are my mate,” he spoke, gravely and unsure—even though that was the one thing Azriel was sure of above all else. “You are my mate and you are hurt. I am sorry for my actions… if I scared you or—” 
“I wasn’t asking about the display of male violence on the balcony.” Your teasing smile made some of his shadows rest.
It also made hope swell within the deepest parts of Azriel’s wearied chest. 
You didn’t look forlorn at his offhanded declaration, nor did you look repulsed. You just looked like… you. You looked at him as you always had, and maybe that meant something. 
Maybe that was something for Azriel to hold onto. 
“How long have you known?” you asked, when he spent a moment too long admiring the upturn of your mouth. 
Azriel blinked, moving his eyes back to your own. “A while.” 
“And you weren’t going to tell me?” You didn’t sound accusatory, or even angry as he was sure Feyre had all those years ago. You only sounded sad. That made it worse. 
“I wanted to tell you,” Azriel stressed, leaning forward on the bed to capture your legs between his. “I wanted to, I just—y/n, I just…” 
There was no solid explanation. You didn’t rush him as he stumbled over his words—you were patient, as you always were. You were patient and Azriel was a coward.
Determination set a line in his brow. 
“I was a coward,” he affirmed. “I didn’t want to push you away… to make you feel unsure or pressured. You are… you are everything. You have been everything to me for many years now. If I had ruined that—if I had pushed something upon you that you did not want—” 
“Has it occurred to you, Azriel, that I would very much like to be your mate?” 
Azriel paused his spiel, licking his drying lips as he searched your eyes for the lie. 
“Only when I dream.” 
You had kissed him after that, all bruised and scratched and broken, and Azriel found himself dreaming.
As he stared at you across the sitting room, surrounded by your raucous, disruptive family, Azriel dreamed again. The glow of the fire lit up the side of your face as you laughed, sending warmth up the long-accepted mating bond, and he dreamed of you in every iteration of his life. 
And he would do anything to keep that dream alive.
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deepmochi · 5 months
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SYNASTRY: Venus in the houses (7th-12th) part 2
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
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Note: Honestly, I had a draft for the 2nd part, but probably I deleted by mistake, or tumblr did it (idk). Maybe, That's why I thought I already posted the 2nd part, but I was wrong.
Part 1 🩷
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♡ Venus in the 7th house ♡
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These couple usually views commitment as all or nothing, are you in or not? They have strong values about true love, and they will follow them. Love is viewed as a contract by their souls or hearts. If they break any aspect proposed, they know it's the end. They can be reflections of themselves either the good or the bad. When the contract is done, it's over. The Venusian sees the house person as a very stable being. They feel safe and prepared for them. These two may live together before the year of knowing each other romantically. The pair just feel ready when it's about commitment. The house natives perceive the Venusian as very "wife/husband" material for them. With this overlay, their personalities blend well and work together. It feels natural for both of you to be close and intimate together. For others is moving too fast, and for them is easy to become intimate with each other. The seventh house person fits well for the planet native. These two feel like it's a soulmate connection, very easy. You’re both drawn to please each other. It's a very strong connection for long-term relationships. It takes time for them to move on if they ever break up. If Venus has bad aspects, it can be a toxic relationship. The reason for this, it's that they prefer to stay together instead of being alone or start something new. Intimate gesture like hugs and someone hand guiding the other. Cooking dates and going out at night the most. "Here, I bought this?";morning texts: " how are you today? My day...." "Can I call you, I miss your voice"; " My mom ask if we can go to her party?" ; "we should go to that restaurant"; Formal clothes; "hey, look me, they don't know how worthy you are". They like to spend time with people they love. Balance. If Venus cooks today, the house will do it tomorrow. Wearing nice clothes and a good perfume to impress the other. Compliments and physical touches, especially kisses in the cheek. Cheesy things like love letters. Having "the song" or the place.
♡ Venus in the 8th house ♡
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These two have a different kind of love. The Venusian feels like the house person bring something in them that they can explain. Sometimes, these people have taboos to share. Death has impact their lives. The house person may become obssess with the planet person. Sex isn't a way emerger together. Usually, they possess the same interest in taboo topics. In the beginning, Venus feels attracted to the house, but it's also scared of them. Their sexual energy is intense. The 8th house person wants to know the Venusian's secrets and fears. Both are possessive, but the house win the round. They detest when their partner don't respect them. Their relationship status will remain a secret for the public eye (in the beginning). They would share many things even traumas (if hardly aspected). The house native will protect the Planet from the world. Sex can be very intimate or aggressive (bsdm stuff). These people will not be the same they were when they met. For them, love is intense and transformational. The house feels that the Venus native is trustworthy, but they need to see their actions. Holding hands during intimate times. During sex they will talk and have intense stares. "I don't like that person, be aware of them", "Here, use this for yourself"; "if you need money, just let me know"; "don't lie to me, I know you are sad"; his/her hand on your thing while eyes are on the road; taking notes of your gestures. They have weird hobbies together and enjoy dark humor too. Moonlight sex and long sessions.
♡ Venus in the 9th house♡
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These individuals perceive love as a new adventure and try to go with the flow. If they're mature, they prefer to maintain a very healthy relationship. Both prefer to travel and know about new places and cultures. Love is not as other say. They may prefer to do things their way. Venusian isn't instantly involve, but they see the house as interesting. For the house native, the planet is nice an attractive, but they will not force things. The house native could be older than the Venusian. The house person likes the planet manners and life vision the most. They see the commitment as an experience. Sometimes, marriage isn't obligatory requirement. They may enjoy walks, museum, and play board games. One could be from another country or have a different culture. Their relationship presents a new chapter in their lives and their families. Besides, they like to engage in intellectual debates, maybe they are into philosophy. If they broke up, they will try to be professional or move on. They can meet later in life after maturing. It's likely that you will work together or in the same environment. Having a child or more is possible, so use protection. "Look at here, we can travel here"; "aww, baby, you were right they declare that"; ["I really want to buy that book" / "baby, you have that book already"]; Saving for vacations; buying esch other souvenirs or antique objects as gifts; reading books and doing a small debates about it; *knowing each other during trips, universities, conferences, cultural events, and religious activities" Buying new editions of books. Love to try new foods or learn about new places together. They could meet while traveling or in college.
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♡ Venus in the 10th house♡
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Coworkers to lover vibes. They are comfy with being mature. Similarly to the previous combo, the house partner is the older one or has more experience. This partner also has more dominant energy. They could meet in different levels. The negative aspect is that they could be very nitpicking and too logical when it comes to love. The planet individual sees the house person as straightforward and mature. Partnership is very important is like a contract. If one of the part broke a part of the deal, it's done. They can work together or met during their carrer path (college, conference). They are straightforward and mature when approaching the other. If badly aspect, it could have a power imbalance (not good). Big egos over emotions, this is the start of arguments. They plan their dates. The planet person accepts that the house individual cares for their image and professional life. The Venusian isn't afraid of being a home stayed wife. Here the Venusian knows and appreciates the house efforts to balance their stability. Nonetheless, the house person must value the venusian support. Doing plans after they leave the work; caring for the other in profesional settings; making food or leaving notes in the stuff *you can do it* in their computer. Making each other feel valuable "Here, i make you favorite food"; let's celebrate your new position"; *making time to luch together*; naming the other whenever they can "I'm grateful for my wife meals and support"; giving gifts and showing their s/o in public. Even thought people think they aren't super romantic, they will try to match things. It could be rings, watches or wearing the same brand. Looking good.
♡ Venus in the 11th house♡
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Love depicts a friend to lover storyline where both care for dreams and humanity. It's very possible that they met when they were helping other people. The Venusian fits the house' s ideal type. They seem more friendlier than other couples. You wouldn't think they were dating. They prefer to joke around, but they love each other. The Venusian share the dreams the house native have for life. It's also likely that they like each other in the future, even if they met since birth. They prefer to have experience with love before settling down. Its common to see them as "I thought they were friends". The Venusian see the house person as humanitarian and very interesting. Stay protected because big family can be a thing. The must clarify about what is a family for both. The house perceives the planet native as beautiful and too much to some people. Together, they will form a very unique pair and family. Regardless Venusian feel the planet as hopeful person. The eleventh house person sees a future with the venusian because they feel understood. Love for the house is independent, and the venusian can see this as as a relief. Making fun of the other in a non hurtful way. "I can't deal with you right now *kiss them*"; "Alexa play Celine one" *grabs the venusian; *hugs their s/o when they're cooking*; being romantic when they're alone; sending spicy texts "come home, I'm ready"; talking about the future; matching devices or wallpapers; a lot of trust, they share passwords. Having the same or similar friends. They like to help. Donating for other people as a hobby or helping to people who need. Dates in the nature. Cleaning beaches, rivers or places.
♡ Venus in the 12th house♡
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Love is simple but blurry. They can't get confused in how they love. The house sees the Venusian see them as the real deal. The planet perceive the house native as too good for them. There are some blurry aspects that they don't understand. When this synastry happens, it can feel too blurry for outsiders. Sometimes, they feel as friends and others as partners. At times, they hide their feelings without realizing or because they don't want to hurt the other. The house may hide their crush for the planet (too well). The Venus feel like the house person hides things for them. The house native don't want to bother the venusian. The house wants to give all they have to the venusian without having a concrete reason (maybe they are friends, but they are their #1 friend). This connection feel very special even divinely guided. The house is very observant with the Venusian Different backgrounds, it's possible that the house person has faith or not. One (usually the venusian) is more intuitive. Venus comes to open the house's eyes to other knowledge. The house will do all they can, so the venusian is happy. They can be soulmates (even non platonic). On the negative side, they don't have good communication because they avoid confronting each other. Both have experience paranormal activity, but only one believes more. The Venus person will try to invite the house to their home (pure opening of their soul). The Venusian can be quite delulu, but the house see it as funny. They met when something is ending for the Venusian. Romantic times, home dates, asking the other about thing carefully, a special vibe around them. *Big smiles and shiny eyes*, "I buy you this; you tell me two months ago around 9pm" "aww thank you", "are you sleeping well?" - "yes" , *astrology or tarot talks* "can you give your birth time?" - "12:34 am" " it was bad?" "No, we match". Talk about paranormal activities like any other topic, special dates, random celebrations, secret spots, discreet dates, spirtual conection, they may understand the other, but can't explain it.
Take what resonates only. 💚
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