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itstheghostofmypast · 2 months

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Meow (Chp-3)

Choi San x (f)Reader

Summary: He had spent an entire millennia in solitude, waiting for her to come back to him, bearing this curse that was a constant reminder of his ignorance, his mistake, and his guilt. He had forgotten how fate had always been cruel to him, punishing him for all he had done, and so be it, meeting her in the 21st century should have brought him joy- there was only one problem, his love for her may not have decreased a drop, but she may love Poofy more than she ever loved him.

Genre: Angst

Word Count: 4.3k

Est Read Time: 21 min

Warnings: death of a major character, war, PTSD.

Rating: nc-17

Networks: @cromernet @k-labels

Masterlist I Chp-2

"Bullshit"

Sighing for the nineteenth time, Wooyoung growled, glancing at Jongho who just shook his head letting out a dry chuckle, walking "Stubborn as ever."

"You really think I’d buy this crap?" Yunho sat up, rubbing the back of his neck, "Where the heck is he anyway? You guys give me poofy- I MEAN SAN and I'll let you all go."

"It's almost time." Wooyoung sighed, staring out the penthouse window, watching the sun sink over the horizon, its streaks of orange slowly fading, "Yunho, you may not believe us, but you need to understand that San doesn't mean to harm her. He didn't back then as well." Yunho stood up, walking over to the glass wall, amazed at the view, how exactly did a few hooligans like them afford a penthouse in one of the most expensive places in the city?

"How do you even afford this place" he turned to look at Wooyoung, though he saw nothing in his eye view, "Wooyoung?"

A little chirp caught his ears, eyes flickering down to spot a red fox staring up at him, its fluffy tail swishing side to side at the back, "What the -"

"He's growing weaker." Jongho interrupted him, walking into the room, Yunho turned to look at Jongho who threw something at him.

His muscle memory reacting, with quick reflexes he caught the item, before opening his palm and staring at the keys, the keychain in particular, the golden retriever shining in all its glory. A gift, more like his graduation gift, he remembers when she gave it to him, once he graduated from the police academy.

“Lock the door on your way out, I’m going to my room”, Jongho mumbled, eying the way he had been standing there, staring at the keychain, he could smell traces of her on him, hell, all of them could smell her scent on him, and even if Seonghwa was not going to admit it out loud, all of them could see why San had decided to trigger her memories without consulting with them first. He was scared, and unlike last time, he was not going to risk losing her, not again, but this rashness would bring nothing but the worst, and as much as Jongho loved his brother, he knew the others, nor him, could physically or mentally endure for any longer, and knowing San had been using magic almost every night just meant his condition was worse than theirs combined, which would explain the man’s calm behaviour when Yunho had socked him in the face- it wasn’t guilt the only factor that had forced him to accept the beating, but his depleting health as well.

“Wait!” Yunho called down, speeding walking after the man who went down the corridor, finally stopping at the door at the end of the hallway, he was about to close the door when Yunho stopped him with his foot, “Finish, the story, what happened next, I-

“I don’t have enough time Yunho, I- I don’t want you to see me like this… you need to remember, just think, it’ll come to you…hopefully.” With that, he closed the door before Yunho could even ask what he even meant by that, he was about to knock on the wood until he heard a low animalist growl, a cry if you could call it. Something at the back of his mind nagged him to open the door, to see what was on the other side, and perhaps he would have, but when he heard his phone’s ringtone, his body went on auto, moving towards the sound. Luckily he had found it at the console table, next to a sticky note and coupon, picking up the coupon he looked at the deal, ‘buy one kitty-kat cupcake and get a beverage of your choice for free’, he stared at the neon sticky note, the knot in his stomach tightening at the feeling of unease settling in,

‘A thank you gift, for letting Sannie go. PS- really missed you, Yuyu – Love Woo.’

“Where have you been?” Mingi asked, not looking away from his phone, “Captain almost lost a kidney when he found out you took a sick leave.”

Sighing as he got into the elevator the taller man glanced at his friend before shaking his head, “Yeah, I felt…under the weather.” He said before walking out onto their floor, Mingi followed after, noticing how Hongjoong’s door was closed, he must be having a meeting. He sat down at his desk, right across Yunho’s, usually his friend would be radiating the same energy as a golden retriever, hence the nickname, and the uncanny keychain of his, but tonight he just looked a bit too glum. Clearing his throat he eyed the man, who was busy cleaning out his desk drawer, slamming file upon file on the table.

“You okay there, buddy?” he asked, turning on his monitor, though his eyes never left the brunette’s mumbling form.

“No, Mingi, because I just realized I’m in love.” He sighed, stopping his little sissy fit as he looked at Mingi, who looked like he was about to implode at the revelation.

“What?”

“Never mind.” Huffing he got up, pulling on his jacket, “Don’t tell the captain I came, although knowing him he’s already seen me, if he asks, tell him I have diarrhea or something.” With that he walked away, not even waiting for Mingi when he pressed the elevator button, instead choosing to go down the emergency staircase, it was all getting a bit too loud, his thoughts, the people, the constant ringing of the phone, to top it all off, he had realized how he had not received a single text from her all day, not even a reply to his good morning, so what exactly was he chasing after- when did this become a chase anyway? Were they not just friends, best friends at max?

Slamming the car door shut he sighed, leaning back against the headrest, Yunho was not one to lose composure, in fact, he rarely lost his cool, but the thought of her- this pestering lingering thought of losing her was bothering him, on top of that today’s events had begun to haunt him, he had seen and gone through hell today; first, he encountered a naked man in her apartment, then he took said man to his place of work which was filled with creeps he called his brothers, a man spoke in his head, he got flung across the room by another man and finally he witnessed someone morph into an animal- the worst part of the situation was that no one was ever going to believe him. Not even her, in fact, she would just laugh at him and how on a normal day he would love to hear the sound of that, he would not appreciate it being directed at him when he was so overstimulated by his feelings and the situation at hand. Picking up his phone he stared at the time, 8.09 pm, she should’ve been home by now, yet, he had received not a text from her, nothing at all. What if something had happened to her? What if that man had done something to her? But they did keep on saying how they never wanted to hurt her, especially the man, San, he was persistent that his intentions with her were pure and- Officer Jeong, since when did we pay mind to emotions over rationality?

He was almost about to go into cop mode until his phone tinged, a familiar tune – a special tune- he had set only for her. Pulling out his phone he stared at the notification, tapping the screen for the message to open,

“Heyy, sorry I was busy today. How was your day? Mine was shit- I want a whole year off. We should definitely go on a vacation- like somewhere warm? Tropical? Though it should be somewhere we can take Poofy, I’d like my beloved boys to get along. Speaking of getting along, my poor baby has a swollen eye, idk, who hit him, or maybe it was another cat? Anyway, enough about us. I hope Gotham is a bit safer tonight thanks to you my knock-off Batman. Again, I’m sorry I couldn’t reply today. Stay safe, Yuyu.”

Sighing he locked the screen and tossed the phone to the passenger seat, of course, she’d apologise to him, of course, she’d take the blame and beat around the bush, of course, she’d make his heart clench, but what was worse that he may have not been losing his mind. Poofy and swollen eye, memories of today flashing before his eyes, how he had punched Poofy, knowing very well the man would have a black eye. Moreover, she had called him Yuyu, she was the only one to ever call him that, yet tonight, someone else had called him that too, the fox guy, and not once did he ever mention his name to anyone there, especially not his nickname. So, the real question is, if it were true, and the whole past life scenario was true then why couldn't he remember? Why couldn't she remember? He kept jumping from one train of thought to another, no longer driving home but to the only place that made him feel safe, he didn't care what time it was, or the gravity of the information that was brought down upon him today.

He wasn't even sure when he had reached the door, until his knuckles knocked on the wood, echoing in the quiet of the night. He knew everyone was asleep, he knew it was late, he knew she was asleep, but he couldn't wait, he couldn't think straight when something at the back of his mind kept bothering him, the question he was too afraid to find the answer of; am I... going to lose her in this life too?

The persistent knocking didn't stop until the door swung open, revealing a tired, dishevelled woman, staring up at him through sleep-deprived eyes, her bedhead hair just adding to her appeal, suddenly the dread that had been simmering within him began to settle down, replaced by a wave of admiration, wanting nothing more than to be surrounded by her.

“May I come in?” he whispered, watching her glare at him.

“It's midnight.”

The statement meant nothing, it held no malice or anger and wasn’t even a warning, but for him, he knew what it meant, she was upset and she wanted him to know, of course she was, he never responded to her goodnight note, for which he knew he was going to pay later, but perhaps he wanted to hear her yell at him too, just till it lasts.

“I know, I’m sorry…I- I’ll make us my midnight special dish?”

Reluctantly, she moved to let him in, locking the door once he was inside, sighing when he strolled inside like he owned the place, technically he did, he was often found here, if not at the precinct, which would explain why her neighbours assumed the two had something going on, until she had clarified to the old lady next door that the two were in fact just very good friends, though she chose not to truly believe her.

“Wake me up once your apology is ready.” Mumbling she stomped into her room, earning a sigh from him, as she slammed the door shut. Poofy snapped awake, his head snapping in every direction, eyes wide and glowing in the dark, looking for her, how did he not notice her leave? Were his senses getting duller or was he getting weaker? Was this because of the overuse of his powers or because he was injured? Truth be told he hadn’t even seen Yunho when he pounced on him, after deflecting the knife he almost lost all focus, the fatigue getting too much- that would explain how Yunho had found him in the first place. He had slipped away before she woke up,

“It’s okay baby, I’m here.” She whispered, fingers brushing over his fur causing him to purr, muzzling into her palm as she chuckled, leaning closer to peck the top of his head, scrunching her nose at the scent, “Did I give you a bath with my shampoo last time? You smell like my shampoo- damn I should be more careful, sorry baby.” Snuggling deeper inside her blanket she pulled him closer like a teddy bear, he let her do as she pleased, enjoying the attention. Truth be told he smelt like her shampoo because that’s what he used, Jongho had told him to change it but he didn’t follow, he wanted to be enveloped by her scent all the time, it helped calm down his nerves, relaxed him and considering how he was always on edge, he really needed the stimulant.

Yunho sighed, ripping open a packet of instant ramen, and placing it aside, watching the water boil. He had chopped all the vegetables and even fried the chicken tenders for her, sliced them up nicely to decorate her bowl later. They had invented this dish back in their fun days at college, way before Poofy had entered their lives, when he had her undivided attention and affection, though who was he to hold her accountable for playing with his feelings when it was him who had led her own then let go of her whenever things got a bit too serious for him, to afraid to ruin their friendship.

“And now you place the tenders like this,” she smiled in triumph, garnishing his bowl and hers, before coming over to the small table and placing the tray down. He sat there legs crossed on the heated floor, looking at her in the small open kitchen, smiling at the thought of what their domestic lives would comprise together. Turning back to stare at the table in front of him, she had called him over to her dorm at 2 am, their child psychology exam waiting for them at 7 am, yet, he was here, ready for a late-night snack with her, one she had just invented instead of studying.

“Hmm?” he looked down at the bowl she placed in front of him, smiling at how he had received the bigger one. ‘A big serving for the lanky growing boy.’ She’d always say, much to his pleasure.

“I’m telling you, once we have this and go to sleep, tomorrow will go great.”

“Oh?” he cocked a brow, before reaching for her glass, pouring her some soda, “Because we’ll remember everything for the exam?”

“Nah girl, that we might fail tomorrow, but we’ll have our tummies full of yummy food.” With that she began eating not even looking up at him when he choked on his spit, laughing louder than anyone would want at 2 am, sure, leave it up to Jeong Yunho to get you kicked out of the girl’s dorms for laughing too loud.

Indeed, the two did fail the exam the next morning, but the memories they had created were far better than any result.

Poofy was almost asleep, blinking slowly at her drowsy form, until they heard a pot fall in the kitchen, followed by a masculine apology- shit, who was that. He didn’t even wait for her to answer and ran out at full speed, making a sharp turn to the kitchen, bouncing off the wall, ready to pounce on the intruder, he couldn’t transform into his beast form, especially since that day, he couldn’t even morph back into a human till sunrise, but that wasn’t going to scare him. With a hiss the cat pounced into the kitchen, landing on the tiles right in front of the intruder- Yunho?

Yunho’s ears caught the bell chiming across the hall, he could hear the quick padding of the cat’s soft paws, and he prayed to God that it was just a normal cat and not who he feared, but once again fate was not on his side, for as soon as his eyes landed on the cat’s swollen eye, he knew for a fact this was his doing. Sighing he placed a bowl of milk in front of the cat, who looked at it then Yunho, only to smack it away and hiss at him.

“Look, I’m sorry it didn’t work out for you last time buddy, but, I- I can’t just- I need some time okay?” he sighed before picking up the tray of food, turning to walking out the door but the cat stopped him, standing in front of him growling.

“You don’t understand San, I can’t let her go…I love her.” With that he walked over the frozen cat, who was staring blankly at nothing, too stunned by his words to even process what was happening, the only thing that had brought him back to reality was the sounds of her muffled laughter, causing him to turn and look down the hallway, noticing how her bedroom door was closed- she never closed the door, it was always left ajar so he could come and go as he pleased, yet here he was staring at her door with blurry eyes, feeling more nauseous than he did that day.

Yunho walked towards the main door, glancing at the ball of fur curled up on the far end of the couch, sighing to himself, a part of him telling him what he was doing was perfectly fine, he had no reason to believe or help out these people, but something deep down begged at him to stop, to not give into his ways and listen to the good that resided with him. With one more glance he closed the door, leaving both sleeping parties alone in the cold of the apartment, while he had tucked her in, he left the cat there, cold as ever, leaving at the early hours of the day.

His ear turned to the door once it closed, sitting up he stared at the turned-off TV, staring at his feline reflection, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath once he heard the subtle chirping of the birds from outside, waiting for the curse to lift, welcoming the gentle, warm light of the sun. At one point in his life, he loved the night, the way the stars would shine above him, watching him perform his duty wholeheartedly, keeping the valley safe and quiet. Moreover, he loved how the moon had witnessed the first time he declared his love for her, the moon had witnessed when she had shied away from the kiss, coyly mumbling how they were not wed, thus they could not perform such an act of intimacy. The moon had watched her favourite soldier proudly, watching him with great intent as he held himself back, trying not to fall onto his knees in front of her, to cry in joy at her innocence and pure heart, he truly wondered what he had done to deserve to call someone like her his own.

Unfortunately, as much as the moon had witnessed her favourite being an exemplary creature, she had also been there to bear the sight of her favourite turning into a beast, of him letting envy wrap him in her green cloak, watching him push away the one he claimed to love, the one who had given him her everything, body and soul, yet, the moon still gave him time to make amends, to try to heal the wounds he had caused, much to her displeasure, he had not, both pride and envy being his companions, letting him destroy the plan destiny had laid down for him, leading to an eventual demise of everything and everyone he had loved, holding onto her limp form as she stared up at him with a broken resolve, too afraid to ask for anything, too afraid to beg him, but not afraid of death that was awaiting her, even though he begged her to stay. The moon had witnessed how he broke down over her, watching how even after what he had done, she had saved him once more, only this time, it had cost her life, proving to the stars that their choice of candidate was not wrong, and it was not a human characteristic to deceive or lie, but a trait brought with pure love, one that he had felt for her, but accepted the little green dot that begun to spread upon the canvas of his heart. The moon had watched him cling onto her lifeless form before he lost all control, his brothers lost all control and did the one thing a guardian is not supposed to do, ‘harm a human’, for the moon had witnessed these fools let their emotions take over, watching them disobey her and end the fleets sent to fight them, watching them tear them down, her final straw perhaps was when her exemplary soldier’s claw’s dig into the neck of the emperor, his teeth bearing the blood of his four sons the beast had ripped apart before his eyes, eyes as black as the moonless sky, resembling the hole that lay in his chest, a cavity which was once occupied by his warm, romantic heart. The moon watched him snarl out in disgust, one last question before the head of the emperor was flung across the royal hall, his body falling limp on the ground,

‘Do you still think your daughter’s life was worth nothing?”

That was all it took for the moon to take back her blessing, perhaps the stars were on the same page, angered by this act of blasphemy, turning what was once a blessing into a curse, one that would shackle them down, bringing their egos and pride to its knees, watching them slowly succumb to their end, until they had not only made amends but had repented to fate itself, earning her favour.

He stared at the reflection, sighing as his feet pressed against the soft carpet, glad that the moon was no longer out to taunt him and mock him, but she was replaced by her brother, showing him some form of mercy for a few hours. He made his way to her bedroom, San stared at her, watching her sleep in bliss, her steady breathing almost lulling him to sleep as well, welcoming him. It had been so long since he had held her in his arms since he had laid next to her, felt her close to him- not like a feline, but all his manly glory. What if he just slipped in for a minute or two? Would she notice? Would she wake up?

Standing above her, he leaned closer, his knuckles caressing her warm cheek, watching as she nuzzled into her pillow, mumbling something about Poofy- ah yes, she still loved Poofy, this was another issue, only Yunho being in love with her just added more to his plate. How was he going to handle all of this? At this point, he knew that time was not on his side and even though he would willingly succumb to death, if it meant that she would remain happy and safe, even if it were with Yunho, he could not let his brothers suffer because of him- how were his actions justifiable, if they had partaken in the war, it was only because they had lost their brothers as well, which was only caused by the ripple effect of San’s own action’s, his prejudice and disdain. Leaning closer he pressed his lips to her forehead, whispering the usual spell, making sure the enchantment was well recited to keep her safe and out of harm’s way.

“How I wish I could hold you once more, my love.” He whispered, before pulling back and going across the room to open the window, staring up at the pastel colours of the sunrise, taking a deep breath he turned to glance at her one last time, “I beg you, do not forget me, for as much as I am in pain right now, the thought of my memories leaving your essence will rip me apart worse than death could possibly intend to, even at his peak.” With that he hopped out onto the emergency staircase, slowly making his way downstairs as he thought about doing that one thing he did not do the last time he was in trouble, ‘ask his brothers for help’.

Bonus:

‘In love?’ Seonghwa mumbled, staring at his phone, still trying to understand why Wooyoung was digitally poking him through this application. Yeosang hummed in agreement, still trying to understand what San had said, narrating the events of the previous night, this was worse than the mage could imagine, the time of the course now had to be altered, perhaps increased in terms of pace.

“Aww Sannie, don’t worry I’m sure Yuyu is just confused.” Wooyoung pouted, wrapping his arm around the taller man’s shoulders, trying to help him out, only noticing how his shoulders slumped even more at the mention of Yunho’s name, “I mean, he…this isn’t the same Yunho, he still has to come to terms with it and- I bet as soon as we revive the old Yunho he’ll come to his senses.”

“This isn’t about him though, and it’s not about us,” Jongho mumbled, placing a tray of coffee on the counter, and giving each one of them their mugs, only San didn’t get a coffee, he got Jongho’s special hot chocolate to make him feel better. San had been staring at the red napkin, thumb caressing the small sunflower stitched onto the corner fabric, its once bright colours now faded into a duller tone, much like the matted red of the cloth

“Then who is this about dear baby bear?” Wooyoung snorted, at the sight of San’s ceramic purple cat mug.

“I think Sannie has the answer for that.” He sighed, before taking a sip of his bitter beverage while the other turned to look at the man who was staring at a San who was still looking at his napkin, fingers gripping onto it tighter,

“It’s about her.”

Taglist: @edenesth @mlysalt @yessa-vie @spooo00oky @cereal-simp

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writingforstraykids · 2 months

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Addicted to you Chp.20

Pairing: Minchan (mention of OT8)

Word Count: 5443

Summary: Back in public Minho tries to build up the courage to open up about what really happened without revealing too much. His friends support him every step of the way, hearing some things for the first time as well. Chan has to decide how open he really wants to be and walks the fine line of supporting his boyfriend and keeping their relationship a secret. Especially after Minho's first performance doesn't go as planned.

Warnings/Tags: angst, fluff, panic attack, mention of throwing up, dizziness, anxious!min, protective!chan

A/N: Looking back at this series, this is by far one of my most cherished chapters. Not only has the group learned to stick together when one of them isn't exactly stable, but also Chan and Minho finally pull at the same string. I love how the growth in both of them has been visible for you guys and I do hope this chapter proves it once more. We're almost at the end, which makes me a little nostaglic because chapter one was one of my first posts back in October (we haven't missed a week🤭). I hope you enjoy it, I'll see you next week for the last one (sobbing)🖤

Chp.19| Chp. 21

All I know is you saved me and you know it Saved me and you know it Always thought I was hard to love ' Til you made it seem so easy Easy ~ Camila Cabello

During dinner, Chan's hand kept slipping beneath the table, resting on Minho's thigh or grabbing his hand. Now that he knew, he wondered how he hadn't realized Felix and Changbin were acting the same way he and Minho had been. The secret glances, hands brushing against each other in passing, the soft smiles they shared when no one was watching. Jisung suddenly got everyone's attention. "As we all know, we have two couples amongst our group," he announced, quiet enough only for them to hear. "The funniest part about it is Chan and Changbin thinking they've been discreet, whilst Minho and Felix knew damn well the opposite is the case."

Seungmin blinked at Chan. "You thought what? You've been drooling over Minho since we debuted."

"Don't even start," their leader sighed heavily and hung his head, not noticing Minho's surprised glance.

“As you all know, the rest of us have our own thing going on,” Jisung added.

"See? No reason to panic about telling the kids," Minho told Chan kindly and patted his back. "We're all grownups here."

"Are we, though?" Felix giggled.

"Now that we all know, no one has to sneak around the house anymore to be with one another," Seungmin concluded Jisung's announcement.

"Amen," Felix agreed.

"Fuck me. The house is gonna turn into a mess," Chan sighed and buried his face in his hands.

"You think you're the only one allowed to have fun?" Jeongin asked sassily. He received a warning glare from his leader. “Also, what makes you think it wasn’t a mess before you knew?”

"I could use a drink," Minho announced cheerfully and waved over a waiter. "Anyone else? I'm paying."

Chan chuckled softly and agreed. He could use one himself. Once everyone seemed to busy themselves with side conversations, Chan leaned a little closer to Minho. "You're so pretty, it's unreal," he whispered in his ear. Minho blushed softly.

"Stop it," he chuckled.

"I mean it. I've never seen someone as beautiful as you," he confessed and watched him bite his lower lip. Right, praises were something he had a thing for. "My beautiful kitten."

Minho gasped softly, his pupils widening at the pet name. "Channie, stop," he whispered lovingly. "Not here."

"Why not?" he asked, smirking softly.

“You know damn well why not,” he rolled his eyes fondly.

Minho stared at his plate, pushing its contents from left to right for the thousandth time. He was feeling incredibly sick because he was so nervous about their press conference in a few hours.

"Minho hyung? Aren't you hungry?" Jisung asked gently. Minho snapped out of his thoughts.

He realized all of them were staring at him and smiled weakly, pushing his plate away. "I'm too anxious right now," he admitted as he reached for his water. But as he brought it closer to his lips, his grip around his glass got tighter as he noticed his hand trembling.

"Can we do anything to help?" Felix spoke up next to him softly.

"I don't think so," he shook his head and chewed on his lower lip. "I guess now that it's time, I'm scared there'll be consequences for you guys. It’s not exactly a great way to kick off promotions."

"Whatever it is, we'll stand behind you, Min," Chan assured him.

Minho met his eyes across the table and smiled weakly. "Are you saying this as my boyfriend or the leader of this group?"

"Minho," Chan said softly.

"You should put the group first today, Chan. We both know that," he told him kindly. Chan lowered his gaze at the table for a moment. "I'm not afraid of the consequences because I know if I keep going like this, it'll end much worse for me,” he told them and rubbed his face tiredly. “I just don’t want you all to suffer from the news.”

"They either get all eight of us or none of us," Changbin spoke up.

"I'm sick of people trying to separate us," Hyunjin agreed.

"We have your back, Minho hyung. There's nothing they can do about that," Seungmin agreed.

"Fuck them all," Jeongin concluded with a grin.

"Even if we didn’t worry about the consequences, Chan doesn't function without you..as we all saw repeatedly," Jisung commented dryly.

“Thanks, Hannie,” Chan gently rolled his eyes.

Minho chuckled softly at all of them and rolled his eyes playfully. "When you put it that way, what's there to worry about."

Felix smiled and looked at him. "Can we give you a hug?"

"Fine," he sighed softly, secretly longing for nothing else than some physical comfort right now. He got up, and all of them gathered around him in a big group hug. Minho smiled softly and buried his face in Chan's chest as the warmth of his members finally gave him some comfort. "I love you guys," he told them after a moment. "I'm sorry for all that shit I'm putting you through currently."

"Stop it, Minho hyung. We all have rough moments being in this industry," Changbin comforted him.

"That's why there are seven others who have our back at all times," Hyunjin agreed.

Once they reached their destination and had to enter the room where they'd be interviewed, Minho felt nauseous all over again. The staff would possibly kill him, or maybe he'd just get in serious trouble. Their names were announced, and they all left his side one by one, taking their places. Minho's stomach turned once more as he saw his place. Changbin, Hyunjin, Chan, Seungmin, and Jeongin were sitting on higher chairs in the back in that order. Felix was in the front row on the left, Jisung on the right, and the place in their midst was empty. They weren’t joking when they said they'd always be around him, protecting him. Minho's stage name was announced and he gave himself a mental push before walking out on stage, putting on a perfectly convincing, practiced smile. He sat down and nervously adjusted his suit jacket.

They started out easy with some general questions about their next comeback, upcoming concerts, and already published songs. Minho didn't have to talk much and was able to fool around with the boys a little. He carefully adjusted his glasses as an interviewer called his name.

"You've been on a break recently after collapsing on stage. Our readers are wondering what you think about said event and how you plan to continue?" she asked, looking at him expectantly.

"As my team has already explained, I was injured and overworked at the event in question, which is why I collapsed and-," Minho stopped in his tracks, realizing this was the moment. He shouldn't just answer with the scripted version of what the staff had written up for him in case of such a question. He cleared his throat and straightened up. "Actually, I would like to make my own statement if you allow me to."

"Please go on," she encouraged him.

"About two months before this performance, my mental health was starting to get worse. I had trouble taking care of and trusting in myself. It got better whenever I was around my members. At some point, I defined myself through my performance only. When I got injured, I had to take a step back, which made this much harder for me. I got into a massive fight with one of the most important people in my life, which really took a toll on me," Minho said and saw some staff members in the back looking at each other nervously. "I had trouble eating, I didn't get enough sleep, and I practiced too much and too long. Because of that, my injury got worse, and I let it happen, thinking the pain I felt was the punishment I deserved for not being able to perform. I was awful to be around, and I didn’t treat the ones I call my family well, pushing them away when all they wanted was to help. I didn't have the resources to be there for them because I barely had any left for myself, which I'm very sorry for," he continued as pictures were taken of him, and he knew there were live recordings as well.

No going back now.

"I didn't collapse because I was injured or tired. My mental health and body couldn't keep up with what I was doing anymore. I've spent two days unconscious at the hospital, which is what made my members decide I needed to take a break. I don't regret collapsing because I wouldn't have stopped this harmful behavior otherwise and-," he stopped as his voice started shaking and swallowed hard, trying to collect himself. Suddenly, Felix took his hand and smiled at him encouragingly while Jisung rested his hand on his knee. Chan followed his heart and wrapped his arms around him from behind, ensuring he knew they were there. Minho inhaled softly and rested his hand on Chan's arm, steadying himself. "I know I’ll make myself vulnerable by saying this, but I think it's important we start normalizing that your beloved idols are humans, too. This is why I want to announce that after everything that happened, I’ve decided to see a therapist. I'm not ashamed of it, and if I want to keep being part of this family and doing my best for our fans, I need to take care of myself better," he concluded and exhaled softly.

"We want to announce that we stand behind Minho and fully support his decision. We ask our fans to show our Minho how much he means to us all and how much he is worth. Please be patient with us during this process," Chan spoke up behind him, noticing how much Minho was shaking, glancing at the staff. "Thank you so much for being here. This will be all for today."

They all got up, making sure to surround Minho as they left the stage. Minho felt dizzy and flinched a little as suddenly two of their press advisors approached them, saying his name. They seemed ready to call him out for his shit. Chan wrapped his arm around him protectively and told them to back off, not caring that reporters were still taking pictures. Finally, they made it backstage. Chan stepped in front of him, removing his microphone for him. "Give me a moment," he mumbled as his stomach protested, quickly pushing through them and making his way to the bathroom. He ripped the door open to one of the stalls and crouched down, throwing up. All the anxiety and nervousness got to him, combined with the realization that, for the first time, he did the opposite of what he had been advised to do. Once his stomach had calmed down, Minho carefully pushed himself up and sniffled softly, trying to swallow a panic attack threatening to creep in. He pushed the door open and slowly stepped outside, flinching heavily as he saw his friends standing at the sink, all watching him worriedly. "I can't even throw up in peace?" he joked tiredly and made his way over to a sink, shakily turning on the water. He rinsed his mouth and washed his hands, thanking Hyunjin quietly, who gave him some paper towels.

"Do you feel better after telling the truth?" Seungmin asked.

"I'm glad it's not a secret anymore," he told them, leaning against the sink. "But besides that, no. I'm a minute away from a full-blown panic attack," he admitted, knowing there was no use hiding it. He leaned forward, bracing himself on his knees and inhaling shakily. "They'll kill me, won't they?"

Jisung was the first one to react and stepped in front of him. "Deep breaths, Minho hyung. You'll be okay." He hugged him as he stood up straight again and soothingly rubbed his back. The others let them, knowing Jisung often found comfort in Minho when he was panicking, so it fit for him to try and return the favor. Jeongin grabbed a few paper towels, made them wet, and wrung them out before carefully placing them on the back of Minho's neck. Felix stepped next to them and gently ran his hand through his hair as Jisung guided Minho in his breathing.

Once he had calmed down, Chan took over, pulling him into a tight hug and planting a soft kiss on his forehead. "I'm so proud of you. That was very brave."

"I don't feel very brave right now," he gave back, making his friends chuckle. He barely noticed Changbin removing the paper towels from his neck and leaning his forehead against Chan's. "Let's go back to the hotel, please?"

“We could stay in for the night and order takeout,” Jeongin proposed. “We’ll just meet up in one room and order there.”

Minho smiled thankfully and nodded. “That would be nice.”

"May we ask what sent you down the spiral of mental issues?" their interviewer spoke up, clearly talking to Minho. They were currently at a radio station, giving an interview about their upcoming album. Of course, the press conference from yesterday would be a topic; Minho had expected nothing less.

Minho shifted in his seat and thought for a moment. He was aware of the camera moving a little closer on him as they’d also film and upload the whole session. "As I've said, the hate, the injury, lack of sleep, and slowly stop eating altogether have all played their part in this process. It’s been weeks of feeling like shit, and I’m glad I got through the worst of it by now."

“Many of our listeners thought it was very brave of you to open up like that since we usually don’t see this happening,” she told him with a kind smile. “That must’ve been scary.”

“It was. It still is,” he chuckled, and Jisung flashed him a gentle smile across the table. He knew how it was.

“Nevertheless, most people out there are very grateful you did that. How does that make you feel?” she asked curiously.

“It’s a relief to hear that people can relate to my situation and don’t look down on me because of it. Also, if me opening up about my struggles helps someone, I don’t get why it is an issue to do so,” he said.

“I think a lot of people out there can relate to the feeling of trying to function when you actually feel like giving up,” Felix added.

“We’ve all been there before,” Seungmin agreed. “Maybe not as heavily, but we’ve all certainly had our struggles in the industry.”

“I think what made it so difficult was seeing Minho hyung go through it,” Hyunjin said gently. “Usually, we come to him with these issues, so no one really knew how to help.”

“Which didn’t stop them from trying, though,” Minho said reassuringly, smiling at him. “I just haven’t been so easy to deal with.”

“How has this situation been for you as a leader?” she asked, turning to Chan, sitting beside Minho quietly.

“Oh, he struggled the most with it,” Changbin answered for him, and they all chuckled. “Minho’s always been his partner in leading the team with him.”

“That was certainly missed, yeah,” Chan laughed, winking at Minho. "I realized how much I rely on him in certain areas and I know I should've stepped up more."

"What about that fight you mentioned? Was it with one of the members or someone else?" she asked Minho.

"That was me," Chan spoke up before Minho could answer. "I've been very difficult to deal with, and Minho didn't give up on me, which made things grow tense. I've accused him of complete bullshit to save myself and been very harsh towards him, which didn’t help him deal with his own issues."

"But, we’ve all talked it out and are doing better than ever," Minho added with a nervous smile.

"I hope you don’t mind me asking, but what do you mean you were difficult to deal with?" she asked. Everyone grew quiet for a moment, tension slowly rising at the question. She glanced at them, apologetically. “You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to.”

“No, it’s okay,” he assured her with a warm smile and exchanged a look with Minho, who looked back at him questioningly. “I’m just trying to figure out how to start.”

“You don’t have to go in depth,” Minho assured him gently.

Chan inhaled softly before grabbing his hand beneath the table. He knew it could be seen on camera, but he couldn’t care less now. "I've been depressed, shutting everyone out for two weeks. I let some things get to me, and Minho was the only one I let near me. I didn't explain exactly how I was feeling, but he was there to hold me when I couldn't go on anymore and broke down crying repeatedly," Chan said, and everyone grew quiet. Their friends looked at Minho and Chan worriedly, hearing for the first time how much Minho actually dealt with. Minho swallowed hard. He could tell by the sound of his voice alone that Chan was having a hard time talking about it. "I've been dragging him down with me and my issues. After our fight, we both dealt with it differently. But none of us were feeling well. I’d never say I was doing as bad as him those past few weeks. Nevertheless-," his voice broke, and the grip on his hand grew tighter.

"Chan," Minho said gently, turning a little and seeing the tears in his boyfriend's eyes.

Chan stopped for a moment, gathering himself as he found peace in Minho's soft coffee eyes. "Nevertheless, Minho saved my life even though he couldn’t stand being in a room with me at that time. And I'll be forever grateful for that. I gave up on everyone, including myself. A few weeks before Minho’s incident, I accidentally sent my goodbye message to Minho after spontaneously deciding to leave the group. I didn’t feel like I could lead them anymore and thought they’d do better without me. I knew they had Min, who would do his best to carry them through it," he said, his voice shaking as a tear ran down his cheeks. Minho blinked softly as tears brimmed his own eyes and swallowed hard, knowing he had to be strong for them in this moment. Chan wiped away the tears and exhaled shakily. "He climbed up to my balcony, even though he’s deathly scared of heights, to stop me, thinking I was talking about something else, and I-," he trailed off before holding Minho's hand up. "So yes, for everyone asking why I called him love when he collapsed or gifted him this ring, it's because I really, really love him, and I want him to know that."

Minho smiled at him and squeezed his hand. He hadn’t expected him to be that open.

“Gosh, it sounds like you two have been through a lot lately,” she said with a compassionate smile. “Feel free to step away for a bit if you need a moment,” she told them, seeing how hard Chan was fighting back tears.

Chan exchanged a look with Minho, debating if they should take her up on that. Minho got up, still holding his hand. “Come on, Channie hyung,” he said gently, placing his headset on the table.

Minho pulled him close as soon as they were outside, his heart breaking a little at how tightly Chan clung to him, hiding his face in his shirt. “You did great, Channie love. I’m so proud of you,” he told him quietly.

“You’re right, this is scary,” he said quietly.

“I got you,” he promised with a gentle smile, fondling his hair. “I love you so much. Thank you for having my back in there,” he whispered.

Chan pulled back and smiled as Minho wiped his cheeks for him. “I love you too, baby,” he told him quietly. He held up his pinky finger for him. “You and me against the world?”

Minho’s face softened as he returned the gesture, linking them together. “Always…Let’s go back in?”

“May I get a kiss first?” he asked.

Minho glanced around quickly before nodding. He connected their lips to a short but loving kiss and gently patted his back. “Alright, come on.”

The others watched them leave before turning back to their interviewer. “That is quite some story,” she said.

“Yeah, it’s been a lot going on the past few weeks,” Jisung agreed.

“I suppose that hasn’t been easy for you all either?”

“We’ve had our ups and downs,” Felix told her. “Those two have formed a very deep bond over the past few years, so we all knew they could do this once they started to get along again.”

“A very deep bond? Do you mean like very good friends? Or are the rumors true, and there’s more?”

“You could call them our parents by now. These two are so in sync it’s annoying,” Jeongin lightened the mood as they came back inside and sat down.

“As charming as always,” Chan commented dryly.

“We’ve been blessed with a few chaotic kids. It’s only natural that we had to step up and lead them,” Minho winked at Jeongin, who stuck out his tongue at him. “See?” he asked, making everyone laugh.

"Your friends have been telling me about that deep bond you share. Our listeners would love to know if the rumors are true?" she asked and Minho looked at Chan.

Chan looked almost a little anxious as he met his eyes, swallowing hard at the pure love and adoration in his boyfriend's doe eyes. Minho smiled gently, taking Chan's hand and squeezing it. "Chan means a lot to me, which is why fighting with him had taken such a toll on me. We're a team and we work best when we're together," Minho said, keeping his eyes on Chan. "I love him, that sums it up well."

"Platonic love or-?" she asked curiously.

Minho could tell Chan wasn't quite ready to open up that much today and simply smiled, still not looking away from him. "No comment."

Chan chuckled, finger brushing over his ring delicately. He turned toward their interviewer, taking a deep breath. "As I said, I love him too. That's all I have for you right now."

Felix and Changbin grinned as they watched them, Jisung exchanged a fond glance with Hyunjin and Jeongin winked at Seungmin. They all knew damn well how very obvious those statements have been without saying much or admitting anything. At the end of the day, their hyungs knew how to dance along the fine line.

"Well…I wish you the best of luck then to keep what you have right now," she said with a knowing smile.

A few weeks later

Minho adjusted his newest stage outfit and sighed after cracking his neck. He was tired and already longed to be wrapped up in Chan's arms and back in bed. He had gotten through most of his performances for the day already and was about to perform for the last time. "Can I borrow that one for a moment?" he asked Felix, who was walking past him with a fan.

"You can keep it," Felix told him, and Minho nodded thankfully.

He closed his eyes as the cool air hit his face and took a few deep breaths. His head was hurting a little from all the noise, so he made his way outside their dressing room, leaning against the wall.

Only a few seconds later, the door opened again. "Are you okay?" Chan asked caringly.

Minho nodded and flashed him a small smile. "I'm okay. It's too loud in there," he told him.

"Understandable," he nodded agreeingly and rolled his eyes fondly. "But seriously, are you sure you’re feeling?"

"Yeah," he nodded.

"Your knee's alright?" he asked.

"It has been for a while now, yes," he told him amused.

"You're not feeling dizzy or anything?" Chan made sure, and Minho shook his head.

"I'm overwhelmed, that's all. Today there have been a lot of bright lights and loud noises. I'm getting a bit of a headache, but I'll get through the last performance and relax later," he assured him.

Chan stepped in front of him and gently massaged the back of his neck before going up to his temples. Minho moaned softly at the relieving touch and closed his eyes. "I'm proud of you, baby. You've worked hard today."

"Thank you," he smiled shyly and opened his eyes again. "I missed being on stage like this."

"I know you did," he nodded and kissed his forehead. "Have I told you how much your new hair color suits you yet?" he asked, brushing back Minho's currently dark purplish hair.

"Only a million times," he winked at him. "I like it too, no worries," he giggled.

"So pretty." Chan gave him a short kiss. "Can I walk you to the stage?"

"Sure," he smiled sweetly and laughed as their friends all came outside.

"We wouldn't want to miss your last performance," Jisung smiled.

"You guys are so sweet," Minho told them and took Chan's hand. "Alright, let's go."

"Good luck," Chan told him right before he left, and Minho took his place on stage.

He was feeling alright throughout the performance, hitting his notes beautifully and dancing smoothly as always.

"Gosh, he sounds so good," Jisung beamed excitedly as Minho hit a high note.

"Is he okay, though?" Felix frowned softly.

"Right? It looked like he stumbled a bit," Jeongin nodded nervously.

"He's shaking," Seungmin added.

"Please shut up," Chan said anxiously, seeing all of it himself. His eyes haven’t left Minho the entire performance.

Minho knew the song was coming to an end and felt relieved, knowing he'd soon be back home. He stepped forward at the end and panted heavily, finally feeling how exhausted his body actually was. He squinted his eyes as the audience began to blur in front of him, and felt dizziness taking over his body. Not again. Minho pulled his earpiece out as a high-pitched tone rang through his ear and clutched his chest, pained. Fuck. He nervously glanced to the stage exit, debating if he should risk staying where he was or getting off stage before another debacle.

"What the fuck is he doing?" Changbin asked worriedly.

"He doesn't look good," Hyunjin agreed. They all glanced at Chan, who was anxiously chewing on his lower lip. The moment Minho sank down to his knees, head hanging low as he tried to hide his pain, Jisung, Felix, and Changbin held Chan back.

"Hey, let me go! He needs help!" he protested.

"Chan hyung, you can't storm on stage now, okay?" Seungmin told him.

"There's staff already out there to help him," Jeongin pointed out as someone brought him water.

"I told them it would be too much for him," Chan said weakly.

"We know, he knows as well," Felix said calmingly.

"Fuck it, I'm getting him off stage," Chan groaned and pushed them off before making his way on stage.

"Fucks sake, Chan," Felix groaned.

Minho looked up at him, surprised as Chan was suddenly kneeling down next to him and cupping his face. "Relax," he whispered, noticing the anxiety in Chan's eyes. "We're on stage, angel."

"You got dizzy?" he asked gently, and Minho nodded.

"It was a little too much," he told him tiredly. "My body hurt and gave up on me for a minute."

"You think you can get up?" he asked, and Minho nodded bravely, letting Chan help him up. Chan wrapped his arm around him tightly and led him off the stage. As soon as they were backstage, Chan snapped at one of their staff members. "I told you it would be too much!"

"Chan," Minho cut him off sharply, and everyone looked at him worriedly. "I said I would be fine. I overestimated myself, and my body showed me that I was not ready for this yet. It's fine, let it be."

"You wouldn't have done it if they hadn't suggested it. You're trying to satisfy them again," he told him.

Minho tiredly rubbed his hurting head and looked at the staff members. "Can you get the car, please? I need a break." They nodded at him and quickly called their car.

"Wrong place, wrong time, Chan hyung," Jisung told him gently, letting Minho brace himself on his shoulder. "Come on, let's sit down somewhere until the car's here." Seungmin came to help and wrapped his arm around his waist, steadying him.

Felix gently rested his hand on Chan's arm. "He needs his boyfriend now, not our leader," he told him softly, and Chan glanced at him nervously.

"I just want him to be okay again," he confessed weakly.

"We know," Changbin told him kindly.

"You can still talk about schedules later. Right now, he needs a hug and you telling him he did amazing today," Hyunjin told him.

"Go on," Jeongin gave him a gentle push.

Chan groaned softly but did as they said and walked over to them. He crouched in front of Minho, and his heart fluttered at his boyfriend's tired smile. "Sorry, I lost my temper back there."

"You were worried, it’s alright," he told him kindly, not noticing Seungmin and Jisung leaving them alone. Minho gently reached out for him and fondled his hair. "I promise you, I'm okay. Just very tired."

"I'm sorry I got scared for a second," he confessed and sat on the sofa next to him. Minho turned slightly and pressed his forehead against Chan's. Their hands found each other, and Minho squeezed it gently.

"I'm here, I’m still conscious," he promised.

Chan pulled him into his lap and hugged him close as Minho sank against him with a soft sigh. "You were amazing today. I'm really proud of you," he told him.

"Thanks, Channie hyung," he smiled sweetly and closed his eyes. "I'm so tired," he said softly.

"You can sleep. I'll take care of everything else," he assured him. Minho didn't need a second invitation.

Chan carried him to the car later, protecting his head as he leaned down to sit him inside. He sat down next to him, letting him sleep on his shoulder. He carried him inside once they reached home. At home, he laid him down on his bed and filled the bathtub with warm water to soothe his hurting body. He got him undressed and into the tub, bracing him as he very gently washed his hair and body. Minho was only half awake throughout the process, but appreciated the gesture nonetheless.

Chan got him dressed again before carrying him downstairs and sitting on the sofa with him on his lap. Felix handed him a plate with some food, and Chan started feeding Minho slowly. Minho was barely able to keep his eyes open but made sure to eat a little, knowing he needed the energy. He grew heavy against him and fell asleep as soon as Chan started running his hand through his hair.

The others all made sure to eat quietly and only talked with their voices lowered to give him some rest. Later, they put on a movie and gathered on the sofa around them, knowing if Minho woke up, he'd feel better seeing them continuing their day as always. He woke up later with a massive headache and winced softly as he moved on top of him.

Chan looked down worriedly. "What's wrong?"

"Headache," he groaned, melting into him as Chan massaged his scalp and temples. Felix came over with a glass of water and a pain pill for him, which he took, thankfully. It didn't take long for him to fall asleep again, curling up in Chan's arms.

Chan kept on lovingly massaging his head for a while and smiled softly as Minho grew calm again. The others all slowly went to bed until it was just Chan, Jisung, and Minho left.

"You need help carrying him upstairs?" Jisung offered quietly. Chan glanced down at Minho sleeping peacefully on his chest.

"I think we'll just stay on the sofa for the night," he shook his head. "I don't want to wake him up again."

"Alright," he nodded and gently patted Chan's shoulder. "Sleep well, Chan hyung."

"You too, Hannie," he smiled and watched him leave. Chan got comfortable on the sofa and pulled Minho down with him, who stirred in his sleep. "It's fine, keep sleeping," he told him quietly, fondling his hair. Minho cuddled into him, and soon Chan fell asleep right after.

Chp.19| Chp. 21

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