#changkyun angst
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About Time
Pairing: Changkyun x Reader
Genre: Angst, Smut
Rating: M
Summary: You broke the number rule of fuck buddies and ghosted him. You think you don’t have to answer for that?
Word Count: 3.5k
Warnings: mentions of drinking, fingering, public unprotected vaginal sex, hair pulling, biting, creampie
Arrow: Gold > Friends (with benefits!) to Lovers AU
Thanks to everyone in @kvanity-main who patiently put up with my 99 questions and requests. Extra thanks to @jinsquishes for the beautiful banner. I recommend nvrmnd, Die for You, God Damn, and Horizon for this. Happy Valentine’s Day my lovelies!
One would assume a dark, crowded club would be the best place to avoid someone you’re ghosting. How could you ever hope to find anyone through all the bodies and smoke? Now add the fact that the person you’re avoiding hates places like this, and it should be perfect. Right?
Wrong.
Because across the fucking room with a red solo cup in one hand and a vape in the other was none other than the last person you planned to see tonight. You fully expected to see the Easter Bunny before Changkyun’s molten stare. A sharp elbow to your side yanked you out of the mental sinkhole you fell into the second your eyes met his.
“What the fuck are you staring at—” Vita followed your line of sight and gasped dramatically. “Ain’t no way. I thought he hated clubs. What the fuck is he doing here?”
You sputtered something that could’ve been a response in baby talk, mind thoroughly fucked as you scrambled to get your shit together. Quickly tossing back the rest of your drink, you looked around, frantically searching for the nearest exit. You’d even jump out of a third-story window at this moment.
“I’ve gotta get the fuck out of here.” You threw your cup away. “I can’t be here.”
“Wait, what?” She pulled on your arm. “No! Don’t leave me! You swore you’d hang out with me tonight.”
“Well, that was before Korean John Wick popped up looking like he’s gonna take me out with a pencil.” You looked at her, eyes pleading for understanding. “What if he comes over? He’s gonna ask why I’m not answering his calls and texts. What the fuck am I gonna say to him?”
Her grip tightened. “Be honest with him! Just flat out say you caught feelings and the situation doesn’t vibe for you anymore. I’m pretty sure he’d appreciate you being upfront with him instead of pulling this hide-and-go-seek shit.”
“Oh, fuck you, smart ass. You dodged Taehyung for weeks before you nutted up and told him the truth.”
Shock flashed in her eyes before she let go. “Wow. Digging deep in the past, ain’t you? At least I fucking told him.”
“Right.” You looked back at Changkyun. The cup and vape were gone, but his eyes were still on you as he watched with curiosity. “So I have at least another week or two before you can talk shit. God, he looks like he’s gonna come over. If he does…”
“Jesus, _____, just spit the words out and be done with it.” She crossed her arms. “It’s better than dragging this out any longer. Trust me. What’s he gonna do? Dump you? You’re not dating. At the most, he’ll agree it won’t work and walk away. He isn’t the type to make a scene.”
As if to piss on her logic, Changkyun pushed away from the wall and headed in your direction, snaking through people without taking his eyes off you. Pure fear made your heart stutter as you grabbed her shoulders.
“Yeah, right. Tell him that, will you? I’m getting the fuck out of here.” You darted to the side. Stupid fucking heels and stupid fucking drinks made it hard to coordinate your limbs in a way that put as much space between you and the quiet storm behind you as fast as you could. Sure, it was a cowardly thing to do, but you weren’t in any shape to have a decent conversation with him. An honest one. One that formally put an end to the nights that bled into mornings where he’d cuddle you as the sun rose. To the moments you cherished while confusing you.
Not yet. You needed more time. Just a little more time.
Your eyes stung as you pushed your way through to the nearest glowing green ceiling sign. You just wanted out, away. Anything but face the truth, the inevitable hurt. The chilly night air was refreshing on your heated face when you stepped out the door. The panic softened just enough for your head to clear. Okay, you were in an alley. You just needed to figure out which way the street was so you could get a Lyft and—
The door opened behind you. Panic shot through you like shards of ice as you looked over your shoulder in horror and watched Changkyun step out. Time crawled to a stop as he adjusted his black leather jacket, pulling on the collar of his matching silk shirt. “Are you done running from me?”
Your mouth opened and closed as each train of thought derailed before making it to your lips. Running? In which sense? You turned around to face him, intent on saying something but ultimately failing because what the fuck should you say?
The longer he waited for you to speak, the more intense his stare got. “You realize the whole point of being fuck buddies is to actually fuck, right?” He pulled the door shut behind him then put his hands into his pocket, and cocked his head to the side. “And I’m not sure if you noticed, but uh, we haven’t fucked since—what—three weeks ago?”
“Something more like two and a half.” You mumbled.
His eyebrows rose. “Oh, so she does remember how to communicate.” He looked away and nodded, tongue poking the inside of his cheek. “Since I’m not worth the effort of a call or text, I won’t waste your time. Just tell me why we’re not fucking anymore and I’ll be on my way.” He gestured at you with his hand in his coat pocket. “Go on. Is it someone else?”
There was something in the way his frown and grouchy words didn’t match the flicker of uncertainty in his eyes. Though it was brief, for a second you saw the Changkyun you wished you could be with all the time. The one who was emotionally available. “N-no. I haven’t…no one but you, Kyun.”
Confusion creased his brow even more. “So, then what is it? I give it to you good, right? I mean, the way you can’t even get out of bed after—”
“It’s not that. I promise.” You bit your lip and looked at your feet. “Please, Kyun. It’s hella stupid. I just…” You couldn’t bring yourself to say it. He was expecting some grand, logical reason when in reality it was so fucking…simple.
“What is it?” He prodded. His gaze dragged over your body before he looked away and changed his stance. “Jeez, you don’t have to overthink everything. Just spit it out.” He closed his eyes, swallowed, and lowered his voice. “Just say it.”
Maybe it was the sudden softness in his words that made your chest tighter as your throat and eyes burned. Right. Just say it. Let go and move on. You took a deep, shuddering breath. “I-I can’t do this anymore.”
His face tightened for a second as if he’d flinched from pain. For a solid minute, neither of you said a word, listening to the ambiance around you. The cars passing by on the street. The muffled bass of the music inside the club. The hum of electricity from the flickering streetlight nearby. Just when you thought you couldn’t take another moment of silence, he asked, “Why? Did I do something wrong?”
“No!” You reached out and nearly touched him before thinking better of it. “No. It’s me. My mistake. I—” You swallowed and looked around the dimly lit alley as if the words you needed to say would jump out and save your ass. How could you tell him the truth without ripping your heart out in the process? You hugged yourself and shut your eyes, willing the unshed tears to back the fuck off. You could cry it out later. Not here. Not in front of him. He’d told you plenty of times tears did nothing for him. “Fuck. When we started this, we both agreed to keep it casual. No feelings.”
He inhaled sharply and took a step forward. The crunch of the ground under his shoes made your eyes snap open. A mistake. His eyes widened upon seeing the tears lining yours. “Baby—”
You shook your head and hugged yourself tighter. “A-at first, that worked for me, Kyun. I swear it did. Sex with you is the greatest thing I’ve ever experienced so far in life. You’re amazing, so please don’t question that. But, as we got to know each other more, things got…complicated.”
“Really. Complicated, how?” He took another step closer and you took one back. “What complication justifies shutting me out?”
Your body sagged as your chest tightened to the point of pain. “Please, don’t make me say it.”
“I deserve to know the truth, don’t I? I’ve spent more time in the past six months in bed with you than I have on my own. I got to the point where I’m not used to waking up alone.” He licked his lips and exhaled hard. “Like, I get that fuck buddies aren’t as close as we are. Maybe friends with benefits doesn’t cover it either. Whatever it is, it’s good, right?”
You hated how your heart colored his words with hope and yearning. This wasn’t the same guy who swore to you he couldn’t do relationships. That you’d never catch him doing lovey-dovey couple stuff. That wasn’t him. Commitment wasn’t in his skillset. “For you.” You bit out after a gulp of air. “It’s good for you. I-I can’t separate the physical from the emotional stuff.” You looked at him through tears. “I tried so hard to keep it casual. I reminded myself over and over that you can’t give me lo—more. But you confused me! Insisting I stay each night, waking up with you. Telling me I’m beautiful and insisting we hang out for fun. How was I supposed to keep my heart out of it?”
His expression went blank, completely clueless as he stared at you. “What?”
“God, Kyun. For someone who says otherwise, you do the boyfriend thing really well.” You dried your face by dabbing at it with your coat sleeve. “For a minute, you had me imagining what it’d be like. And once I got to that point, I knew I couldn’t go on with this anymore. It hurts like hell to want someone in a way they’ll never want you.”
Changkyun blinked a few times before understanding dawned on his pretty face. “Oh.” He got a distant look in his eyes, looking down the alley at the street. “So…you caught feelings for me?”
Your arms dropped to your sides. The gut punch wasn’t as painful as you thought it’d be, but it still hurt. “I know I should’ve talked to you. I just…didn’t know what to say or how to say it.”
He bit his bottom lip and nodded then took a step towards you. You automatically took a step back so he took another. And another. And another. Your back collided with the wall of the building behind you and before you knew it, he was pressed against you, chest to chest, and looking into your eyes with an expression you’d never seen on his face before. Worse of all, it made your stomach turn with excitement in a way that only he ever could incite. His fingertips caressed your cheek before they traced down to your neck.
“Say it again,” his voice was low and warm like coffee on your tongue, “tell me what you imagined being with me was like.”
You sucked in cold air noticing how the tip of your nose was getting numb. “I—this isn’t a joke, Kyun!” You pushed at his chest. “I’m being serious—”
His fingers curled around the back of your neck and gently squeezed. “And so am I. I wanna hear it.” He pulled you close until your foreheads touched then gently rubbed his nose against yours. “You made me go weeks without hearing your voice or seeing your face over this. So, give it all to me. Every single thought. Make the pain worth it.”
Your heart skipped a beat. You swallowed hard and looked into his eyes. “I told you. It’s dumb. I just pictured stupid couple stuff like taking selfies, holding hands in front of your friends, or cuddling on a rainy day.”
He hummed as his fingertips caught the hem of your skirt. “I admit, that does sound like stupid couple stuff.” You scoffed and tried to pull away, so he quickly followed with, “But I’d do them with you if you really wanted to. At this point, there isn’t much I wouldn’t do with you. For you. To you.”
“What?” You searched his eyes, mind reeling as his words echoed in your head.
“Let me make a little confession of my own.” His free hand gripped your jaw between his thumb and index finger as the other splayed across your thigh. “Since I last saw you, I haven’t been out much. Maybe to the store. At first I thought maybe you were just busy. But then Jooheon would tell me he saw you out with your friend and each time I wondered if it was me. Maybe you were avoiding me.” He pulled your leg up on his hip. “At first, I told myself I didn’t care. That you’d get over whatever the fuck you were going through and come back when you were ready. But you never did.”
You gasped as his hand wandered between your bodies and toyed with the edge of your panties. “Kyun—”
“No, no. Shh. Listen to me. I need you to know how hard it was to stay away and give you space, baby. No one else touches this dick but you.” It was hard to focus on his words when his fingers started to stroke your clit through the sheer fabric. “I don’t even get hard at the thought of fucking anyone but you. That whole time you were gone? It was just me and my hand.” His lips brushed against yours, but he didn’t kiss you and smiled when you started to chase his mouth. “Just like you, hm? What did you use?”
His fingers pushed your panties aside and cupped your pussy, middle finger pressing between your folds. “My toys—oh, god—and fingers.” Your breath hitched as he dipped his finger inside.
He moved his hand from your chin to the wall. “Did they feel good? Better than me?” You shook your head and he bit his lip, rewarding your honesty with the rest of his finger buried to the hilt. “You look so fucking hot right now. This skirt. This top.” He leaned in and nipped at your neck, soothing the skin with a lick as he worked his finger in and out. “I saw you as soon as I walked in. Wanted you right then. Needed you…”
His words were smoke in your head, creating a dense fog of him that made you burn from the inside out. Your hips rolled on his hand, pace increasing when he added another finger. You were vaguely aware of how fucked out and needy you sounded as he pulled moans from you with just his hand. His lips caught yours and ended with a playful bite as he pulled his hand away.
“As needy as the last time we did this, huh?” He groaned in your ear, low and husky as he fumbled with his pants. You couldn’t even respond, too focused on helping him work the belt buckle and zipper. The second his dick was free, he pushed his pants down to his thighs and reached for yours. “Get up here.”
One leg went around his waist, and with a hop, so was the other. You put your arms around his neck. Using the wall for leverage, he gave you sloppy, frantic kisses as he held you up by your thighs, feeling around with the head of his dick for your entrance. You squealed when it pressed into your clit and he chuckled into your mouth as he angled his hips just right and—
“Say it, baby.” He hissed as he pushed in slowly. “Tell me again why you ghosted me.” You tightened your grip, nails digging into the sleeves of your coat, as his dick stretched you with an ache you missed. When it felt like it’d never stop, he was fully seated inside and twitching every time you clenched. “Say it.”
“B-because I fell for you.” You whimpered when he pulled back then snapped his hips once. A warning. “Ah! Fuck, Kyun.”
“I wanna hear you say it.”
You squeezed your eyes shut and hid your face. “I love you. I did it because I love you and I thought you wouldn’t feel the same.”
“Fucking finally.” He brushed a kiss to the side of your face and adjusted his grip on your thighs. “About time you came around, baby.” With another snap of his hips, he set a steady pace that he’d occasionally interrupt by grinding his pelvis against your clit, determined to get you both there as quickly as possible. “Need you to cum with me. Missed you so much. I hate waking up without you next to me. Need you th—Ah, fuck. So tight.”
Your fingertips caught the ends of his hair and you pulled on it. In response his strokes grew longer, deeper as he let you drop onto his length with a clap of skin. Every time he moved, sparks danced up your spine and through your limbs. “Oh, fuck!”
“It’s been so long, baby. Just a—just a little longer. I’m almost there.” He nudged your head back and kissed you hard, a clash of lips and tongue as he swallowed your moans while feeding you his own. You were vaguely aware of how the bricks dug into your back and hips, too lost in the pleasure you were drowning in. How had you stayed away from him for so long when he could do shit like this to you? You were crumbling to pieces in his arms, on his dick, and for once it didn’t scare you shitless. You could trust him to put you back together. You held his face and kissed him harder, trying to match his intensity. When he caught your tongue and sucked on it, you fell apart. You came hard, convulsing in his arms as he leaned back and switched to quick strokes, moaning your name as he reached his high. “Oh, shit. Fuck, baby, fuck. I love you. I love you so fucking much.”
He leaned against you with a whimper as his body rode the wave, pressing up into you as he stuffed your pussy with cum. Your lips met after a few misses and you laughed through a kiss. The kiss slowly turned to light pecks between shy smiles as he rubbed your thighs. “My back is gonna be so sore in the morning.”
He snorted and kissed you once more before helping you down onto your shaky feet. “That’s not the only thing that’ll be sore. The night is young.”
You playfully swatted his arm as you fixed your panties and skirt. “Ugh. My panties are wet and sticky.”
His arm came around your waist and pulled you against him. “My car’s not that far. We could go back to my place.”
The thought of leaving with him reminded you of what he’d said not too long ago. “…Did you mean it? Or was that just heat of the moment talk?”
He looked into your eyes. “I’ve been in love with you since the first night you stayed over.”
“What?! Kyun, that was like the first month into this. There’s no way—” He cut you off with a kiss, this one sweet and tender as if he’d break you with his lips.
“I didn’t say anything because I remembered the rules. It seemed like you were okay with the way things were so I was okay with it. As long as I knew I was the only one you went to, I could live like that.” He looked into your eyes as his thumb brushed over your bottom lip before brushing over your hair. “Then suddenly you were gone without an explanation why…and I realized I didn’t want to let you go. Not without a good reason. So, yeah. I meant it. And just in case you don’t believe me, I love you. And I’d love you even without the sex. My heart is yours…so take care of it.” He gave you a shy yet bratty pout.
You blinked and fanned your face, turning away so he couldn’t see. “I’ll do my best. Um, so to your place?”
He threaded your fingers together. “Yup.” He pulled you along towards the street. “We can take a shower, drink some water, then work on getting another noise complaint from my neighbors.”
“What are you gonna do when your landlord finally kicks your ass out?”
He looked at you and smiled. “Look for a place to share with you.”
#kcupid#kvanity#thekpopuniverse#mxnetwork#monsta x smut#monsta x angst#changkyun x reader#changkyun x you#changkyun smut#changkyun angst#i.m x reader#i.m x you#i.m smut#i.m angst#monsta x scenarios#monsta x imagines#kpop fanfic#kpop smut#hbd kyun <3#happy valentine's day
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✧Love Sick✧
hey guys, this is my first time writing and posting something (kinda nervous lol). I am not a full time writer so I don't write much and won't post a lot. The idea of this piece has been lingering around in my head for a while so I thought I would put it into words :)
Please interact, share and let me know how you guys like it <3
Pairing: Im Changkyun (I.M) x reader
Genre: Fluff
Warnings: none
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You've been friends with Monsta X for about 3 years now. You all love hanging around with each other every now and then. As a singer yourself, you have helped them around in the studio to record their songs.
You always had a thing for Changkyun. The way he acted all soft and flirty around you made you feel things. His aura and voice always made you feel weak. You have always been a huge fan of his rapping and would catch yourself staring at him whenever he would record his rap.
There were times where you wanted him to be your man but you were scared to put your friendship in danger.
Changkyun works a lot and everyone knows it. He would always work on his solo project alongside the group projects.
He was working on a new song to add to his album. He was almost done with his part of the song but he found the song to be incomplete. He was looking for a voice to make it complete. Changkyun always admired your vocals and music and was ready to ask you to feature on his song.
"Hey Y/N, you know i've been working on my album and I am stuck on the last song, Love Sick. I've been searching for a voice to make the track complete and no one fits better than you. I would love to have your voice in it Y/N. Come over to my studio tomorrow and we'll work it out ;)"
This text sent you to cloud nine. You were jumping up and down and giggling like a baby. You were reading the text over and over again and smiling so much that you almost forgot to reply to it. You were in seventh heaven as your dream to collab with kyun was finally coming true.
The next day, you tried to dress up cute as you were going to his studio for the first time, you've only been to the studio they have at starship. It kinda felt like a big deal to you as he never invites anyone to his studio except his hyungs.
You had butterflies in your tummy and kept fidgeting. Just as you reached his studio, you stood at the door took in deep breaths and knocked.
He opened the door and greeted you with a soft smile. He pulled you in for a hug and guided you inside. You have hugged changkyun a lot of times but somehow it felt different today.
Changkyun was telling you about the song but you just couldn't keep your eyes off him. The way his long hair was falling on his face and the usual purple shirt with some sweats never failed to make you flutter.
"....and that's about it, now I just need you to bless this song with your voice", he said insistently. You smiled at his words, "You have no idea how long I have been waiting to make a song with you kyun, believe me today is my day to shine", you said. He laughed at your cuteness and guided you over to the recording booth.
You put on the headphones and drank some water. Changkyun asked you if you were ready to start and you gave him a thumbs up.
You took and breath and started singing your verse.
Changkyun seeing you from the outside lost his mind to your voice, he just couldn't get enough of your soft yet sultry vocals. Hearing those love-filled lyrics made his heart race.
Changkyun stood up from his chair and walked to the booth standing beside you, seeing you sing. You had your eyes closed and were singing your heart out, swaying to the beat.
You got done with your verse and opened your eyes to find him beside you. You let out small gasp and he smiled.
"How was it Changkyun?", you asked him. Rather than replying with words he just took off your headphone and let them hang around your neck, tucked your hair behind your ear and leaned in towards your lips.
"May I?"
Instead of answering him you just took his face towards you and kissed him deep. You snaked your hand into his hair and he held onto your waist. It felt like his kiss was all you ever needed in your life. You couldn't believe what was happening and got lost in the moment. Changkyun explored your mouth and linked his tongue with you. You left feather soft touches on his jaw which made him sigh into your mouth.
He finally let go and you both caught your breath. Your lips were now just as slick and pink as Changkyun's. You blushed and smiled at him.
"Wow, I-, I-, kyun that was-" , you stuttered. Changkyun let out a small laugh and rest his hands at your waist. "I am so glad you feel the same way for me Y/N. I was going to ask you out later today but I just couldn't hold myself back", he confessed. The rush of feelings filled your body and you just stared at him lovingly.
"Changkyun, I like you too, I have liked you since day one", you let out your feelings to him.
Changkyun blushed and gave you a soft peck to your lips and hugged you tightly. The scent of him filled you up and calmed your racing heart. You never wanted to let go of him.
"Do you wanna grab some coffee?", he asked pulling away from you.
You nodded a yes and you both grabbed your coats.
"Wait, what about the song??", you asked while putting on your coat. He smiled and responded, "You can come to my studio anytime you want...babe", he said cheekily and did a wink.
Those words made you punch his chest softly and giggle.
He laughed at your shyness and you both made your way out to the cafe.
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This turned out be longer than expected lol. I hope you guys enjoy <3
Stay safe and happy y'all.
xoxo
#changkyun#monsta x#monsta x drabble#monsta x imagines#monsta x fluff#monsta x reader#monsta x scenarios#monsta x angst#changkyun x you#changkyun drabble#changkyun imagines#changkyun scenarios#changkyun smut#changkyun au#changkyun x reader#changkyun angst#changkyun fluff#monsta x reactions#monsta x imagine#monsta x im changkyun#im x reader
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♡ ｔｏｕｃｈ ｔａｎｋ♡
♡ I created this for a friend of a friend. It totally warms my lil heart that she asked me to write this ♡
Pairing: boyfriend!changkyun x fem!reader
Summary: When your past trauma comes back to haunt you, your boyfriend reassures you that with him you'll always be protected
Genre: fluff/angst/smut
Word Count: 1.1k-ish
Warnings: reader has some trauma w/ being yelled at, unprotected sex, fingering, creampie
A/N: Thank you @anyamaris for always supporting me & sending your super rad friend my way ♡
"He tells me he's gentle when he wants to be so I think he wants to be gentle with me..." - Quinnie "Touch Tank"
On the 15th floor of a luxury high-rise a young woman twirls around her kitchen singing along to her favorite song. You might find her exact location by following the melodic voice ringing from her apartment. If her siren song fails to tempt you in her direction, the scent of dinner simmering on the stove will. The windows are open so she should probably put some pants on but she’s home after all.
What do you want from her? This is her safe space. Here she can be the vibrant creature that she is, a star burning bright against the night with no one to snuff it out. A past spent drowning in darkness, sick to her stomach with fear, is little more than a bad dream. The monster that haunts her is gone and she’s free…isn’t she?
Even with your music blasting you hear the lock to the front door click open, flooding you with joy. Flipping the stove off, you reach for your phone to turn the music down. “Baby, you’re home!” you sing, shuffling from the kitchen to greet your boyfriend as he kicks his shoes off. Your friends warned you that after living with your boyfriend for a few months the excitement would wear off but they couldn't be more wrong.
It’s been eight months since you and Changkyun got this place together and you still get butterflies when he walks through the door. You throw your arms around his neck, welcoming him home with a kiss. But he doesn’t kiss you back. He doesn’t even hold you in his arms the way that he usually would. He only lets out a heavy, tortured groan accompanied by a hesitant “Hi” before making his way over to the wine rack.
In an instant you deflate, a pretty little balloon springing a leak. Taking a deep breath, you catch the smile on your face before it fades away. Let’s try this again. “So, how’d everything go at the studio?” you ask, grabbing his favorite wine glass from the cabinet. Changkyun takes it from you, his expression cold enough to freeze you solid where you stand. “Can we just not talk about this, y/n? Is that okay with you?” he snaps, filling his glass with some expensive wine Minhyuk had insisted on getting him for his birthday.
He doesn’t need to raise his voice for you to know something’s not right. You catch glimpses of it in the tightness of his jaw and the sharpness of his eyes. The anger seeps from his pores like a poison you thought you’d grown immune to. And just like that the monster’s back, darkness closing in around you demanding you to shrink yourself.
Be quiet. You’ll only make it worse. He’ll yell at you. It’ll be all your fault. “Um, okay” you murmur almost too low to hear. Shutting your music off, you quietly begin to straighten up the kitchen, careful not to get in his way. You're not walking on eggshells. You’re walking on glass and it tears you apart but you keep your mouth shut. “Ssh” the monster whispers, “Be quiet. Quiet. Quiet…”
“Hey,” Changkyun says, taking you by the hand, his voice intentionally lighter than before. Placing a hand on each side of your face, he stares into your eyes, softening more with each passing moment. “Come back to me” he begs, desperate to pull you from that place in your mind you go to when you feel triggered. “What do I always say?”
You clear your throat, using his emotional lifeboat to drift back to safety, “That you’d never hurt me.” “And you believe me?” “Of course, I do,” you say it and you mean it because, despite the past attempting to claw its way into the present, you know Changkyun would die before he hurt you. He smiles, his hands slipping down to trace the edges of your figure, “Good because I wouldn’t. Not ever.”
You catch yourself getting teary eyed but there’s no time for tears when he kisses you, his tongue fervently seeking yours. He slips a hand under your shirt just enough to stroke the small of your back. The faintest contact from him is electric, his touch raising the tiny hairs along the surface of your skin.
You arch into him and feel fingers grazing your clit through the lace of your panties. “Changkyun…” you gasp, thighs parting as if to tell him you want more. “Should I stop?” he asks, hooking his fingers around your panties right where the moisture’s pooling. “No, don’t stop. Please don’t---mmph” You can hear the wetness seeping out as he enters you, his wrist rotating so that his fingers swirl softly against your sensitive walls.
“How could I ever hurt you?” he coos, taking in the angelic look on your face as he pushes deeper into you, “You’re so pretty, baby. I only want to make you feel good.” Your walls quiver around his fingers, reacting to the longing he pours into you. Bringing his arm tight around your waist, he guides you toward the bedroom. All the while pleasing you…stretching you…making you moan between his lips.
By the time he’s lifting you through the doorway your hands have developed a mind of their own, stripping him down to nothing but his boxers. He brings your shirt up over your head, his tongue finding your breasts before your back hits the bed.
Changkyun handles you with the patience of a painter working on a grand portrait of something close to his heart. His tongue makes purposeful strokes across your nipples, painting flowered vines down your belly as your panties disappear somewhere beneath the bed.
On the 15th floor of a luxury high-rise, a young man buries his length deep in the warmth of the woman he loves. As he stimulates those spots that make her eyes roll back and her toes curl, she makes noises sweeter than his favorite song. You might find their exact location by following the sound of her crying out his name, melodic echoes of pleasure bouncing off of the walls.
The scent of her tempts to come before he’s ready, his need for her simmering out of control. The windows are open and neither of them give a shit if they have clothes on or not. They’re enjoying the beauty of each other’s naked bodies, bathing in the euphoria of her clenching around him. They’re home after all, giving each other every bit of what they want exactly how they want it.
It’s their safe space. Here they can surrender to each other, passion flowing vibrantly across sweat-slicked skin. This fire inside of her can’t be snuffed out. Her nails dig into his shoulders as she whimpers, the spasms in her pussy soaking him as she hits her high. She drowns in pleasure, her stomach pleasantly filling with his seed. This feels like heaven. Like a dream. She smiles, safe in his arms as they come down, and feels, at last, utterly and completely free.
#changkyun x you#changkyun x reader#changkyun fluff#changkyun smut#monsta x x female reader#monsta x smut#monsta x fluff#monsta x angst#changkyun angst
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I Am What I Am (V)
A man of the shadows and a woman who belonged in the skies - fate could not have brought two more different people together.
But was this fate or was this a choice?
Pairing - Im Changkyun x OC, Kim Mingyu × OC
Word Count - 7.3K
Warnings - guns, slight mentions of violence blood, death. This is a necessary, filler chapter so its not as intense, but boy oh boy, brace yourselves for the next one my friends :) also, I tried a new writing style, so the pov in this chapter is a little different!
Previous chapter
Much to her surprise, when Na bi woke up the next day, it was already past noon.
She had passed out from all that exhaustion quite early last night - the muscles of her legs were still sore but the warmth of the bed and the weight of the duvet were comforting. She had forgotten to close the curtains before dozing off and now the yellow of the sun was all over the room. The trees outside were standing still as ever, birds chirped all around - The forest looked so alive, yet still felt so daunting.
Dragging herself off the bed, she closed the curtains, submerging the room into darkness before flipping the switches of the lights.
Something had changed.
Na bi walked up to the small study in the corner, eyes falling on the new contents on the table. It was her belongings - her unnecessarily thick medical textbooks, study guides, lecture notes - all her personal material from home, neatly stacked. On the shelf were her novels, magazines she liked to flip through, journals she had filled over the years. How did he manage to get these?
Even her toiletries were arranged for, neatly laid out by the sink - new bottles of her soap, shampoo, creams and serums of her night routine. In the ten minutes she took to wash up, a fresh set of clothes which, albeit she didn't change into, were laid out for her and outside, on the table was a piping a hot coffee and biscuits. Her bed had been made, the curtains were pulled back again, and the fire of the night had been put out. It was as though Changkyun had a bunch of elves working around here for him - efficient, meticulous and invisible.
Na bi sipped on her coffee as she looked through the books and papers on her table again. When Changkyun said whatever she needed would be arranged for, he kept his word - every small thing, down to drawing pencils and her favourite set of highlighters was here.
Everything except her laptop.
Na bi looked around, eyes searching for it as another realisation slowly dawned upon her. She hadn't seen her phone in very long either. Panicking slightly, she left her coffee and rummaged through the sheets of the freshly made bed - it was not there. She opened the drawers of her bedside table hurriedly, scoured the shelves and cupboards of the room, checked the bathroom, checked the closet but it was nowhere to be found. She tried to recall when she last saw it. A very faint memory told her it dropped out of her hand when she was shoved into Wonho's van.
Fuck.
She needed that phone, how was anything going to work out without it?
Na bi sank onto an ottoman, massaging her temples, her mind behind it racing. She wasn't prepared for this. She hadn't expected things to be in motion so soon; screw Mingyu for not so much as warning her before putting their plan to action. But now it was too late to curse him - she was already in the middle of it all and she had to figure it out on her own, there was no other way.
Taking a deep breath, she pushed her hair back, pulling it into a tight ponytail, something she rarely ever did. Leaving her half empty coffee cup on the table, she stuffed two biscuits in her mouth for some sugar and slowly opened the door of her bedroom. If she was going to crack Changkyun's empire, his house would be the first place to begin.
When Na bi stepped into the familiar corridor, she found herself alone again, a chill running down her spine. It wasn't eerie or haunting in anyway, but the thought of just what she might discover in this inhabitation was terrifying her already. Cautiously, she began walking further down the corridor, doors of two rooms coming into her view - one she assumed was the second guest bedroom Changkyun mentioned and the other was perhaps his own. Surely if there was any place in this house that could give her a clue, it had to be his room.
Opening the first door on her way, Na bi immediately concluded it to be a guest room for the layout was unmistakably, exactly the same as hers - the colour of the walls, the sheets, the furniture, all of it. Except the view from the window. From the left most corner, Na bi caught sight of a sliver of the beach she saw yesterday. So it wasn't a mirage conjured by her exhaustion or a figment of her imagination.....
Gulping at the possibilities, she slowly left, proceeding to the next room, only to find it locked shut. She tried the handle a few times, with both force and technique but neither could open it. Stepping back she glanced at the walls that spanned on either sides of it. It had to be a huge room, which meant it most definitely was Changkyun’s but clearly, neither was he home, nor was anything about him accessible to her.
Na bi though, wasn't one to accept defeat. Besides, how hard could it be to break into a room? One bobbypin and she could have easily found her way in. And perhaps she would have too if she didn't hear the strange sounds of clanking metal from a distance. Frowning, she turned, walking towards the source, trying to locate it. Softly she whispered Changkyun's name, guessing it was him and instantly, the noise stopped. And so did Na bi.
After a long silence and a long period of immobility, Na bi finally took another daring step ahead, the living space downstairs slowly coming into view. It was just as empty as yesterday, only more harshly lit by the afternoon sun. It looked just as beautiful though, she observed as she walked down the stairs, looking around. Changkyun was definitely a man of strange taste but she didn't expect to find herself in approval of it. Except those ceiling high windows. Those still made her stomach churn with discomfort.
When Na bi managed to make it all the way down to the last step, she stumbled, noticing a door she hadn't really seen before. The walls felt warm and she could hear the sound of firewood crackling from the other side. Wondering if that was the source of the noise, she knocked softly before grabbing the handle and pushing the door, only to feel a hand rest on her shoulder.
"Is there something I can help you with?"
Na bi bit back a scream, turning to meet the eyes of a woman almost a whole head smaller than her, looking at her fiercely. Her salt and pepper hair was neatly pulled back into a bun, and with her cute little pink apron and half moon glasses, one would think she was a sweet old lady, but the sharpness of her tone told Na bi otherwise.
"I'm...I'm looking for Changkyun." Na bi watched the woman physically wince at the mention of his name. "Where is he?"
"Master's not home." Master? She wiped her hands on her apron before walking past her and closed the door loudly. The point had been made. "If you there's something you need, you can ask me."
"Is this Changkyun's room?"
The woman raised an eyebrow. "Yes, it is."
Na bi's eyes flickered between her and the room. What was in there? And if this was his room, who did the room upstairs belong to? And why was it locked?
"Wait, wait." She rushed as the older woman began walking away, following her footsteps. "Where's Changkyun?"
"Master is a busy man." She huffed. "He comes and goes as he pleases-"
"Goes where?"
"He doesn't inform me about his whereabouts."
"When does he usually come back?"
"Whenever he decides to."
"When is that usually-"
"Ms. Baek," Na bi's lips parted in surprise at the mention of her name. And at the faint but apparent annoyance in the woman's voice. "I do not concern myself with master's business and frankly, neither should you. But if your curiosity cannot handle the ignorance then I suggest you ask him yourself, whenever he's back."
And with that, she walked off into the kitchen across, a lot faster than before. Na bi stood in the middle of the hall, staring at a loss.
There's a lot you need to learn about this place Ms. Baek.
Indeed there was. The rooms of this house were just the beginning of things. If she was to be successful in her mission, she needed to know all that was there to know. She had to unravel Changkyun’s world down to the core and she had to do it without letting him get even the faintest idea as to why she was here - that would ruin everything. So right now, what Na bi most desperately needed..... was a friend.
She turned to look at the only other person she had seen here, standing behind the kitchen island, mixing soup in a pot, cutting up some greens and putting something into an oven, all simultaneously. She was perfectly efficient, timing her moves just right, smoothly executing her tasks. She looked not too old, perhaps in her mid fifties, crowsfeet aligned by her eyes which were somewhat soft under all that snappy exterior. If Na bi made the right moves, she knew she could break through that hard perosona of hers and make a potential ally. Only problem was, Na bi had no idea how to make friends.
Silently going back to her room, she threw herself on the bed and stared at the grey ceiling. Her whole life, much to the contrary of what most people believed, Na bi was quite the loner. She rarely went to team dinners, never joined them on karaoke nights and barely ever participated in birthdays or other celebrations. She wasn't hostile to people or unfriendly, no; she just didn't have the time and energy to engage in social niceties. She had cordial relationships with her colleagues and neighbours but that was about it. Seokmin was the only exception in her rather isolated life.
Two years ago, when she first joined the hospital, he too was just like everyone else, a mere acquitance. Somehow, over time, he warmed up to her and honestly, rather insistently inserted himself into her life. Thank god for him though. Na bi didn't know what she would do without that crazy guy who somehow always there when she needed him (which wasn't very often), who always tolerated her rather unbothered attitude (which was very often) and who would always look out for her, no questions asked.
Even though Mingyu had asked her not to inform a soul about her mission, she regretted not telling Seokmin about everything. He was probably worried by her lack of response, but hopefully, he just assumed her radio silence to be just one of her usual unsociable moods - she often ignored him over the weekends and holiday season, knowing he would attempt to set her up with one of his many, many friends.
But Na bi wasn't the kind to date either. Dating apps were completely out of question - they demanded way too much time and commitment. Over time, she disliked meeting the people Seokmin or her other colleagues set her up with too; it was just hours and hours of talking leading to nowhere. Can a person really be understood over a meal and a conversation held specifically in order to impress? It didn't make any sense to her.
Rather, she preferred her not-so-regular-but-quite-frequent rendezvous - Flirting with men at the bar, hooking up at the convenience of their cars or homes, and leaving, first thing in the morning, never to see them again. Atleast those encounters were honest in intention and brief with expectations. Seokmin often ate her ear off about how now that she was getting older, maybe it was time to settle down with one person and though she heard him (and partly agreed), she as usual feigned ignorance.
That's why when Mingyu walked into her life, she decided to take the chance. Things with him flowed so smoothly and were so easy going, she thought perhaps finally, she had managed to find someone more permanent. She found herself willingly going on dates, happily having hours of conversation and was pleasantly surprised that they were on the same wavelength about most things. He seemed to understand her; he was willing to go the extra mile whenever she pulled herself back, he was ok with taking a step back when she wasn't ready - it was as though he knew exactly what she needed.
Except he really did know exactly what she needed. He was nothing but a facade, a man tailor made for her after days of observing and studying her, presented in a way they knew she would be interested enough to meet again and again. It worked. Oh it worked wonderfully well for them, because honestly, Na bi did not ever see herself dressing up for a man but..... it wasn't their triumph.
Deep down Na bi knew what was the exact and the real reason she met Mingyu time and again. It was because he was a cop. It was for Changkyun. It was because should anything happen to Changkyun, Mingyu would be one of the more reliable sources to find out from.
Na bi sat up, crossing her legs, just the thought of it making her nauseous. Sure she was attracted to Changkyun, sure she knew he was dangerous but she did not think he would be the one responsible for Ana.... of course, since she found out, she no longer had the same kind of interest in him.
But the moment he appeared before her yesterday, the moment he met her eye, something in her stomach dropped and she knew - the effect he had on her was far from gone. Na bi though, wasn't insensible or unreasonable. She knew what she was here to do and no matter what happened, she was not willing to end up as the prey in this hunt.
So, to begin with, there were 2 things she had to focus on - 1. breaking the ice with that older woman and 2. figuring out this strange place she was holed up in. And with that clarity, Na bi began her mission, scribbling down the details of her discoveries in her new journal every night.
Day 1
I got together a bunch of papers and started drawing out the layout of the house. Whatever I've seen of it at least. I need to map the whole place out, and whatever is around here too - the forest, the beach, find other landmarks, any and all clues that can help identity this location. I shall do it, one step at a time. But I need to be careful. That older woman, who I think is the housekeeper here, tends to walk into my room anytime. Thank god I managed to hide the papers when she came to give me lunch. (Kimchi pasta and orange juice, absolutely delicious). There's a loose floorboard I found by the fireplace. These drawings should be secure there as of now.
But I don't know what to do about the her. When I smile at her, she simply nods and walks away. She's going to be a tough nut to crack. I watched her all afternoon, sitting in the living room with my books. She left from the backdoor at 3 and came back only at 5. I ate dinner with her at the breakfast bar, tteokbokki and orange juice again, not that I'm complaining. I told her to not refer to me as Ms. Baek and to call me Na bi. She said I could call her Mrs. Lee. She didn't speak much after that, just cleaned up everything and disappeared. Its almost 11 at night now, and I don't think I was really successful with anything today but I'm trying. One step at a time.
Oh and Changkyun didn't come home the whole day today.
Day 2
Changkyun did come home today.
I made it a point to wake up earlier than usual and as I got out of the room, I saw him, sitting at the breakfast bar, eating an omelette. But by the time I got down the stairs to approach him, he left. I don't know if he saw me or if he was ignoring me but I keep missing out on opportunities to talk to him.
I think I made a little more progress with Mrs. Lee though. If my eyes didn't betray me, she might have given a small smile when I thanked for coffee and my favourite breakfast, avocado toast and milk. I watched her again today - she has the exact same routine. She served me kimchi rice and orange juice at 12 and then by 3, she disappeared out of the back door. I followed her this time. There's this small garden at the back of the house with all sorts of vegetables and herbs but there was also a path, leading to a cottage. When I looked through the window, it seemed like Mrs. Lee was getting ready to nap. I think she lives there. It makes sense because there was no other room in the house that could belong to her. Which meant that locked room upstairs belonged to someone I don't know about.
Obviously I broke in. Somehow. I couldn't find a hairpin but I managed to grab a few old pens and do the trick. It was nothing like I expected though - it was a plain old bedroom, albeit bigger, brighter and disappointing. I was hoping to find something concrete here, anything at all, not just antique furniture and vintage dresses which oddly looked very similar to the ones I was dressed in when I first got here. I searched every inch of that place, there was truly nothing of value or even a clue hinting who it belonged to. Only Mrs. Lee could answer that question for me.
I wasn't really sure how to bring it up to her, so I just tried to make casual conversation about it using the dresses. I brought them down before dinner, showed it to her and-
Na bi looked up from her diary, the conversation replaying in her head.
"These clothes." She placed them on the kitchen counter. "I never got the chance to thank you for them."
"You don't have to thank me." Mrs. Lee glanced at them, mumbling. "I thought the red one would look nice on you."
"It is beautiful." Na bi sat down, softly running her fingers over the material. "I'm so sorry, it tore....are they yours?"
"Imagine a hag like me in dresses like that." Mrs. Lee scoffed. "It belonged to my mistress."
Na bi felt something sink in the pits of her stomach. "Mistress?"
"She loved dresses, had a huge collection in fact. A perfect one for every occasion." The use of past tense did not slip past Na bi. "A beautiful woman who only made the dresses she wore more beautiful."
"I should probably apologise to her then. Where is she...." Na bi trailed off looking at the woman's eyes become slightly wet.
"She was the sweetest thing alive. I don't think she would have minded. Master on the other hand, I'm afraid he was a little... displeased."
Na bi tugged the edges of the dress nonchalantly. "He must really love her."
"More than anything in the world." She sighed, slowing down her stirring. "That's why he's always hurting...."
Her voice softened as she looked at Na bi, eyes shaking like she spoke more than she should have. This was what Na bi wanted anyways - carefully guarded information being let slip. But she had to take it slow, to not raise any suspicions. And Mrs. Lee didn't seem like she was willing to let anything else slip as silence took over between them again.
-she said it belonged to her Mistress. Whoever she is, or was, either she doesn't live here anymore or she's dead, I don't know which. But it's proved Mingyu wrong. Changkyun cannot possibly be interested in me. Not when he had someone else in his life. Someone he cared enough about to still hold on to her personal belongings. Then why was he looking out for me? What do I mean to him?
Who knows? He could answer my questions, he's the only one who can but yet again, he didn't come home.
Day 3
Today I drew more of the map. I left the house before sunrise, followed the same route I took the time I first ran out of here and yet again, it took me to the beach. I passed almost 58 large trees, ran almost 3km west of the house to reach it. I still don't understand how I can possibly be near the sea. Where on Earth is this place?
I made sure to return in time for breakfast though, but Changkyun was not there today. I had toast and milk again and Mrs. Lee seemed more guarded than usual, perhaps after yesterday's slip up. But she didn't seem as unfriendly, maybe because I squeezed the orange juice for lunch by myself. When she was gone by 3, I knew what I wanted to do today - search through Changkyun's room. So I did just that, except today..... he was inside.
Na bi felt her hands shake as she recalled the encounter.
"Ms. Baek."
Na bi froze, hand on the handle as the voice boomed behind her.
"To what do I owe the pleasure?"
She turned around slowly, eyes falling on the not so large room with a really large table in the centre, Changkyun seated behind.
"I uh...thought I heard you in here." She slowly walked in.
"Really?" He looked at her amused. "I'm known to be quiet as a cat."
Na bi gulped, clearing her throat. "You.... haven't been home in a while."
"Neither have you." He titled his head at her. "I stopped by your room this morning."
Na bi felt her heart hammering away in her chest.
"I....must've been in the shower."
"I didn't hear the water running."
"Oh then," Na bi looked away, at the fireplace, thinking quick. "You probably came when I was in the garden."
"You left the house?"
She stared at the flames harder, hoping not to give herself away. "Why? Am I not allowed to?"
"No." Na bi turned to him surprised as he continued. "There are no restrictions on you here Ms. Baek, you are free to do or go wherever you wish."
"Really? There's a room upstairs though....that you keep locked." She looked at him, trying not to seem too inquisitive, probably horribly failing at it. "Am I not allowed in there?"
"Can locked doors possibly keep you away?"
Na bi blinked at him. Did he know that she...
"That door has been like that for years." He clarified. "Simply locks every time it's closed."
"Oh." Na bi licked her lips, walking closer up to him, the contents of his table getting clearer with each step. "Then what about this room? Mrs. Lee stopped me from entering it a few days back."
He smiled. "Perhaps because entering someone's personal room in their absence is a sign of poor etiquette."
"Of course." Na bi glanced at the papers on his table, holding her breath as she did.
Maps. Hundreds of them. Much like the one stashed safely in her room, the one she was drawing out.
She looked up meeting his eye. "So you're not....hiding anything here?"
Changkyun leaned back, expression unreadable but he shook his head. "Not from you, no."
Why not though?
"What are all these then?" She pointed, stuffing her hands in the back pockets of her jeans so he couldn't see them shake.
"Maps of different areas in Seoul." He spread them out further, allowing her to take a closer look. "This is how I keep my business organised."
"Huh." She nodded, noticing red crosses and black circles scattered all over the papers. "What kind of um business do you-"
She jumped a little, at the sound of a strange static noise, unable to recognise its source.
"What's that sound?"
"My cue. I have to go, there's a meeting..." He got up and Na bi immediately took a few unnecessary steps back as he walked up to her. "Meanwhile, the reason I was looking for you..."
He handed her a familiar, shiny black device that felt cold in her palm.
"Wonho said you dropped it when he picked you up."
Her phone.
Na bi inwardly sighed in relief as she wrapped her fingers around the cold metal. Changkyun walked up to the door, donning a blazer over his trademark black shirt. Na bi followed him out, her mind still focused on the contents on the table. She knew she was far from done with this room.
He returned my phone to me but its as good as not having one. There's a crack, right across the camera lens, rendering any picture I take absolutely unfathomable. And I don't get any signal here, not one bar. I can't contact Mingyu or Seokmin, that phone is as good as a brick.
When Mrs. Lee came back, I helped her with making dinner. I know I'm no cook but I can follow instructions and I think I did a good job of it? She was afterall talking to me sweetly and even gave me an extra helping of her special homemade kimchi. Maybe I'm not far from making a friend here but Chankgyun.... I still can't figure him out.
I still don't get him.
Day 4
I covered the North side today.
It's.... its the same. Almost 5km of trees, trees and more trees and the end of it all, a beach. I'm getting a faint inkling as to where I actually am but..... I don't want to think about it. If what I'm assuming is true, I couldn't be more trapped.
Yet again I didn't see Changkyun for breakfast but I didn't see Mrs. Lee either. She was back in the garden, trying to deal with some weeds and dying tomatoes.
Fate, if its real, must be trying to help me because who knew better about gardening than I did. I think that hour we spent, fixing up those shrubs probably broke the last of the ice between us. Mrs. Lee was smiling more than usual, talking about the plants and all her recipes, and just seemed to have warmed up to me now. So I thought it wouldn't be too wrong to ask her the question.
"Mrs. Lee, I was trying to call a friend yesterday. You see I didn't get the chance to tell anyone I was going to be away, but I wasn't getting any signal? Is there.... is there any place where I can get better cell service or something?"
"Around here? No dear, there's no cell towers for miles." She tugged the weeds. "We don’t need them anyways, no one around here uses phones."
Na bi felt a wave of apprehension wash over her.
"Then... how do you contact people? Like your family?"
"Master is all the family I have." She smiled. "And need."
I think don't know if Mrs.Lee was telling the truth about the phones. But her statement did confirm something else I've been wondering - we're not the only ones, there are others. Others who lived around here and perhaps, they can help me understand more about this place. I just need to find them.
After lunch today, I wasn't able to explore anymore - Mrs. Lee needed help with the garden again. I wasn't able to extract any more information from her either, she was too focused on the task at hand. But over dinner, she did say something that surprised me.
"You really seem to like my kimchi."
Na bi took a break from shoving a huge bite into her mouth and looked up, nodding.
"I like everything you make. I don't get to eat much fresh food at home. I pretty much survive on kimbaps and instant noodles."
Mrs. Lee frowned at her, shaking her head. "You poor thing. Must be tough, having to eat those miserable packaged food."
"I don't really mind it." Na bi confessed. "I actually really like it-"
"Well you're not going to find any of that poison in this house." She crossed her arms. "I don't allow it. It's unhealthy and atrocious. Master is already picky with eating vegetables, imagine adding those preservatives to his system."
Na bi raised an eyebrow. "He doesn't eat vegetables? What a five year old."
"Indeed." Mrs. Lee broke into a fond smile. "You should've seen him when he was actually five. He wouldn't even take a bite of the kimbaps I used to make. Always spat it right out."
The image of his full cheeks as he munched on the kimbap in her home flashed in Na bi's head. I'm not picky.
"Thanks to you, I've been able to get him to eat at least a few vegetables a day. Even though he still insists on having some meat every meal-"
Na bi tried to swallow her bite quickly. "Because of me?"
"Yes you. I've been cooking more vegetarian dishes recently since, well, Master told me you're a vegetarian. And so I can..."
Na bi didn't hear anymore. Not with her mind full of thoughts.
He knows what I eat. He knows what I wear. He knows what I smell like. He knows everything yet I don't know why. Why did he bother to know so much? If like Mingyu said, he is interested in me, why hasn't he made any move, or even conversation?
I can't figure him out. I can't figure him out at all.
Day 5
Today morning I managed to cover the South side. It took considerably longer cause it was much larger, 10km at least, but to no one's surprise, ending at a beach. 3 directions, all ending at a beach, I think what I fear is true..... perhaps tomorrow I will be able to prove it.
But there was something I didn't see elsewhere - a helipad. At least that's what I'm guessing it is. It was just a large clearing in the woods, and by the way the impressions looked in the grass, that seemed like the most probable explanation. Yet another factor supporting my theory....
Also, I found out how they do it. Live without cell towers and phones that is.
Walkie talkies.
I saw Mrs. Lee talk into one over breakfast today. I don't know how I've never noticed it before, this black box like machine sitting in the corner of the kitchen counter. She said we were running out of rice and by the evening, there was a huge sack of it, sitting by the back door. I don't know much about walkie talkies and how they work, but I am aware that both parties need to be in a certain range. That's only further proof that there are others here, people who might be able to help me but also people I've never managed to catch sight of over the many days I've roamed around here. I need to explore the east side tomorrow. That might be the last piece to finish the puzzle of this place.
While Mrs. Lee took up most of my day, trying to teach me some simple recipes, I did manage to slip into Changkyun's room once again after lunch. There were no papers on the table this time, in fact it was completely empty. I tried looking through the drawers, the shelves - they were all empty.
The only other things in the room were a bed, a couch and a wardrobe. I looked through the wardrobe too - it was just a bunch of suits and hoodies that looked a whole lot more comfortable than the clothes kept in my room. Maybe that's why at that moment I decided to strip out of the really uncomfortable blouse I was wearing, into one of the hoodies....
"You really have a mind of your own don't you?"
Na bi knew before turning that Changkyun had just walked out of the bathroom; she had heard the water running. What she didn't expect was that he would be clad in nothing but his towel, hanging low on his waist, little rivets of water streaming down his torso. Na bi could not hide the way her eyes roamed over his body.
She cleared her throat, turning back to the wardrobe. "As should everyone."
As he began walking up to her, she grabbed a pair of pants and a shirt and threw it to him over her shoulder. The muffled sounds told her he had caught them and was slipping them on and it was only when she felt his breath on her neck that she knew he was done.
"You keep forgetting to breathe when you're around me Ms. Baek."
His voice was a soft whisper, making Na bi realise that she had indeed held her breath all this while and allowed herself to exhale. When she turned, she found herself trapped between him and the wardrobe behind her, her eyes flickering to between his lips and eyes. Changkyun raised his eyebrow as he looked pointedly at his grey hoodie which she had donned.
"You really oversold yourself with whole 'whatever you need will be arranged for' statement." She crossed her arms. "The clothes you filled my wardrobe with look like the personal collection of someone who cannot decide between being a victorian widow or a rebelious milkmaid from the alps."
Changkyun laughed, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants. "I knew Wonho didn't know a thing about women's fashion."
Na bi blinked at him. "Wonho bought the clothes?" Changkyun nodded.
"How... how did he know about the... blue?"
"I told him."
"Did you also tell him the scent I use?"
Changkyun nodded but scoffed looking at her expression. "It's a colour and a smell Ms. Baek. I have good memory. You need not feel grateful for the bare minimum."
"Okay then, How did you know I was vegetarian?"
"I guessed? Based on the your eating habits."
"But you were barely with me for a day. How could you know?"
Changkyun grew silent for a minute, looking rather amused.
"Your questions are rather different from what I expected you to ask me Ms. Baek." He leaned closer, as though he was searching her face for something. "You're rather unpredictable."
Na bi wanted to laugh at that. Maybe she would have if Mrs. Lee didn't knock to call them for dinner. As Changkyun left, Na bi winced at the loss of his warmth and his scent around her. No, no, no. She had to snap out of it.
He had dinner with me for the first time today. Mrs. Lee was right, he was indeed picky with his food and his vegetables - he refused to even touch the kimbap. He really had enjoyed the one I made him though. I don't know if he liked my food or dare I say, if he likes me....
I don't think I'll ever know.
Day 6
I was supposed to explore the east side today but I couldn't - Changkyun was home all day.
He was there eating breakfast with me. He was there, playing the piano as I pretended to read through my books. He was there for lunch, and there when Mrs. Lee took her usual siesta. We played chess all afternoon, which he, not surprisingly, ended up winning. I let him win - it was our first game afterall. I wanted to crack his gameplay more than I wanted to defeat him, see how his brain works, figure out how he thinks. He's..... straightforward. He wasn't hiding behind any moves, or playing any mind games. He was simple and upfront. I don't understand him any more than before.
After that I caught him leaving the house so this time I asked him where he was going. He said for a swim and asked if I wanted to join. I probably shouldn't have but....
Na bi followed Changkyun out of the back door of the house, walking the opposite direction of Mrs. Lee's cottage. She hadn't had the chance to explore the east side yet so she took each step behind him carefully, looking around as she moved. When the trees cleared before her and Changkyun moved out of her view, her eyes fell on a water spring, pouring out from behind stacked rocks into a small pool reflecting the blue of the skies and white of the clouds.
Na bi stared at it wordlessly, missing the moment Changkyun stripped out of his shirt and pants and jumped into the water, disappearing under it. Coming back to her senses with the splash of droplets all over her, she looked around in the dead emptiness of the woods.
Changkyun’s head appeared above the water, hand pushing back the dark hair sticking to his face as did the familiar sight of his drenched, sculpted abs. He looked at her, head tilted, eyes questioning.
"I... don't know how to swim." Na bi confessed. The pool didn't look too deep, one definitely didn't need to know how to swim to get in there but Changkyun didn't point that out as she pulled her pants up to her knees and sat on a rock, legs dangling in the waters.
Instead, he smirked. "Did you offer to come along just to watch me Ms. Baek?"
"Maybe." Na bi answered truthfully, trying not to let her eyes wander anywhere below his neck. Changkyun chuckled, disappearing under the water again, as Na bi relished the feeling of the cool waters around her legs.
He swam around for a while, submerging himself for long periods of time like a child trying to see how long he could hold his breath under water. Sometimes Na bi panicked when she didn't see him come up soon enough, but he always came up - the man could clearly hold his breath for a ridiculously long time.
As the sun began to set, the cool waters started feeling a lot colder, making Na bi pull her feet out, shivering. Watching her Changkyun got out, shaking the water off like a wet dog, making her cover herself, looking away. Grinning like a child, he walked away and to her surprise, began collecting a bunch of sticks and twigs from here and there. In five minutes, he stacked them all and pulled out his lighter from the pocket of the discarded pant and started a fire.
Na bi scooted closer to the flames as he dried himself off beside it and sadly, dressed himself up again. When he sat down across her, poking the sticks, she slowly began questioning him.
"So this is what you do around here?" She rubbed her hands warm. "Play the piano, swim out here, all alone?"
"When I have the time yeah." He replied, nodding. "Which is not often. I'm usually far too busy with my business to find time for such things."
What kind of business?
Strangely, Na bi felt bad for him. He didn't look like he was much older than her which meant he was in his late twenties too. She wondered how it was, living a life so isolated, so alone, so far away, in the shadows. She liked being alone too but his life seemed so.... lonely.
"I can't imagine. I've been here barely a week and I feel like I'm already losing my mind."
"Go out then." He stated like it was the obvious solution. "Some city air should help."
"Wait I..." Na bi tried not to look too shocked. "I can leave this place?"
"Of course Ms. Baek." He glanced at her amused. "You're not my prisoner."
"No I just.... thought it was too dangerous for me out there?"
"It is, but Wonho and my men can accompany you, make sure you're safe when you're out."
Of course, she would still have company, of course she'll still be watched. But she had to get out, she had to meet Mingyu somehow, tell him everything she found out so far.
"And when will I be able to go back home?" She added. "My home."
Changkyun took a deep breath. "Soon. I admit we haven't made much, actually, any progress on finding those who are after you but hopefully....soon."
"Well I can't stay here forever. My suspension ends in less than 2 weeks, I need to be back at work, back at home."
"You may return whenever you wish Ms. Baek. Today, tomorrow or in 2 weeks. I can arrange for your protection wherever you choose to be." His gaze pierced her. "I meant it when I said I'll look out for you."
Why why why Changkyun?
Na bi wanted to ask him, she wanted to ask him so much more but there was something about the silence that fell between them that didn't allow her to talk. She...liked it. She had often craved for a silence this comfortable and warm and to find it here was.....terrifying.
It persisted till the fire finally burnt out, submerging them in the darkness of the evening, dimly lit by the swarms of fireflies. Changkyun finally got up, brushing off the dried twigs and leaves off his pants, as Na bi struggled to do the same with her foot fast asleep. Laughing at her stumbling movements, he walked up and pulled her onto her feet, her hands flying to find their place against his chest, face inches away from his.
You could put her at gunpoint but it was moments like this that Na bi dreaded more. Moments where she was so physically close to him that her defences, her inhibitions, everything crumbled down, overwhelmed by the desire to just feel him against her, just once.
But then Ana's image flashed in her head. Her lying sprawled on a forest floor much like this, all that blood.... this was sick. This man was a murderer, this man killed her friend, yet she... she couldn't do this. She shouldn't do this.
Before she could separate herself from him, it was Changkyun who pulled away, not meeting her eye.
"The temperature tends to drop fast around here after sunset. We should head back." And with that he walked away, leaving her to follow him, perplexed by his behaviour as always.
My clothes are all here. All that blue miserableness in the closet is gone, Changkyun arranged for my own clothes to be brought from home. I showered for longer than usual today. I don't know, I just felt strangely dirty.
Then I had dinner with him again. Mrs. Lee was the only one who spoke the whole time though. I couldn't find any words to say to him, he didn't seem to have any either. After dinner he informed me that Wonho will take me wherever I want to go tomorrow.... I need to figure out how to meet Mingyu. The map isn't fully done but I need to tell him whatever I know and to give him...
Na bi looked up from her diary at the gun on the table.
She found it, in the pile of clothes Changkyun had discarded before he jumped into the waters. She'd recognise it anywhere - it was the same one he had on him the night he came to her house. The same one who's bullets implicated her in this mission with the NIH. Perhaps the same one that committed many crimes.
She just needed to get it to Mingyu somehow. She would've given it to him too. If only he didn't let slip the truth. If only Na bi didn't find out what was really going on....
#changkyun series#changkyun smut#changkyun angst#mingyu series#mingyu smut#mingyu angst#monsta x series#monsta x smut#monsta x angst#changkyun#im chankgyun#monsta x changkyun#monsta x#kim mingyu#seventeen Mingyu#mingyu#seventeen series
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Cherry Lip Gloss | Part 2
Pairing: Im Changkyun x Reader
Genre: Angst
Warnings: totally fucking angst, no fluff (i got rid of that and this mini series has none of that), mentions of drinking, semi stalking (?) author almost cried
Rating: 18+
Word Count: 2.2k
Masterlist | Part One
Alcohol and a soft, crisp breeze.
Leather kept tan skin warm as the trees did another wave, allowing cool air to whisk away the once bearable air. Everything was silent besides the sound of water crashing on rocks. Not a single soul. Just silence and nature. Lips met the rim of the beer bottle; a long drag, then a mournful sigh. It had an addictive taste. To enjoy something so deadly will always come at an untimely cost.
Somber brown eyes met and enjoyed the view of the sun meeting the ocean. The sun seemed at peace, no matter what cycle it had gone through. He appeared at peace. He wished he was at peace. Rosy red cheeks had the cool breeze nipping away at him without much care. His vision blurred for only a moment, and he blinked away the threat of tears.
Inhale, hold it in, exhale. Don’t think about the consequences.
He didn’t. Instead, he listened to the same sound of the waves hitting the rocks while his mind continued on with the war he had wanted to desperately forget about. Life was never a kind thing. Not back then, and certainly not now. A man so broken is never meant to be fixed. All the pieces were lost where he once walked. Never to be recovered or fixed.
There was no way for him to collect them. To fix a hollow shell that was cracked beyond repair. A man who’s been through it all will certainly never see the bright side of it. Not him. It felt like his fate was set in stone. That this was the life he was meant to live. One so painful, yet the pain is never physical. His heart is the main victim in this story.
Don’t close your eyes. Never allow the tears to show. You’re stronger than that.
Strength. He was losing it. Each time the seconds met the minute and the minute met the hour, the feeling of growing weaker was welcomed. A quick swirl, brown eyes watched as the liquid swirled around in the bottle, soon growing still just seconds later.
Being envious is a nasty trait for anyone to have. How could a man be envious that the sky had the sun? That the moon had the stars? It was a question nobody could answer. It would only swarm around one’s mind until the day they took their last breath.
Stupid decisions come with stupid outcomes. Don’t think about it.
Does a heart realize how broken it is right away, or was there a waiting period? The sound of waves was just a mere distraction from heartbreak. Brown eyes once again blinked rapidly to avoid the onslaught of begging tears. A head shake, then a sigh.
End of the bottle, end of the road road. A path he walked down, but with every turn, he found it led to a steep drop to death. With a flick, the glass bottle flew almost in slow motion to the wet rocks below. Brown eyes watched closely as it bounced off one rock, then two, and landed. Unbroken and surviving.
How could one be envious that an object found a steady spot to land while the man with a beating heart felt like he was falling? Perfectly intact while his own beating heart was broken beyond repair. Large, shaky hands found a tired face to cover. Count to ten, and everything will be okay.
Blink the tears away. Don’t be a fool.
The heart knew what was happening. It was breaking while beating a steady and healthy beat. How does it hurt so much? Why does it hurt so much? He knew. But a brain so smart was attempting to save a heart from cracking anymore.
How many times does a heart have to beat to know when it will be okay? How many gasps of air are needed to feel like one is breathing properly?
Hell felt like a place on earth. Slowly waiting for one to accept that there was never a bright side. And god, was it ugly. An inescapable place. A suffering.
Accept what happened and move on. Living in the past will not allow you to move on.
Move on. It's such an easy thing to think about, but when one is faced with the task, it’s simply complicated. A task often unbearable and unbeaten. But time still ticked an ugly and nasty beat that he had wished would pause for a moment and allow him to take a break. How could he move on when it came down to feeling like the past was all he had?
A past with good memories. Memories that brought ease and not pain. An ear that would listen to a story that happened during the night was now an ear that would listen to another.
Breaks don’t happen. Learn to keep going.
But heartbreaks happen. Months, no, a year, and it was still the same. A constant cycle of rinse and repeat. Throw a smile, walk proudly, and don’t let them know. Smile. If they see, they’ll show pity, and pity is for the weak.
Love was always such a nasty thing. A pain that one could think about for a lifetime. That he would think about for a lifetime. Hands found warmth in the pockets of leather jackets in attempts to find something but came back with nothing. Not even enough money for another bottle.
Give yourself time. Take it slow. It will be okay.
A scoff, then a sarcastic laugh. Slow was never enough. Slow can never be enough. Taking it slowly only meant he would learn what it meant to break. Three times, only to be met with a wave. What went wrong? What did he do wrong? Why was he such a fool?
Don’t think about it. You’re damaging your heart more.
A blink, then eyelids decided to remain shut. For a mind not to think about hurting a heart more was a task in itself. A life that was meant to only experience nothing more, but pain and loss were what he would have to accept for himself.
His heart was aching, begging for anything, hoping to take the pain away. A shaky, pathetic breath came from him. A life where he could be happy was nowhere to be seen. Not even in one’s wildest dreams. He fucking hated having to pretend to be happy.
Your heart is in shambles. It’s broken beyond repair. She hurt you.
He shook his head. No. His mind wouldn’t shut up for even a moment. The growing aggravation was enough to drive a sane man mad. Teeth gritted together in an attempt to suppress an emotional scream. He couldn't bear anyone else hearing that.
A heart fighting with the mind. An ugly one that not even a voice from an angel could calm it down. This was hell. His heart was going through hell.
You hurt her. You didn’t mean to. You watched her leave.
Three times was too much but always felt like it was too little. There are too many chances to ruin something but too few to keep it going. A man so broken was undeserving of love. Love was never meant for someone like him.
Brown eyes watched as the waves soon grew closer to the water’s edge, of how the jealousy was real. He could leave. Never turn back. But why would he? Home was here. Home was where she could possibly return.
It’s okay. You’ll be okay. I promise.
Promise. Every person has heard that seven-letter word throughout their lives—more times than they can count. He’s heard it. It’s hard to believe anything would be okay when an outsider could see that his life was nothing more than a mess that could never be fixed.
Getting lost in a trance, his mind didn’t even realize the sun finally met the sky for a kiss goodbye. Stars now out, wishing everyone had a good day while the sun had said its goodbye no less than ten minutes ago.
Brown eyes were met with darkness, and eyelids greeted someone whenever they shut for more than a second. For a moment, silence was all that could be enjoyed. His heart was silent and steadily beating as his brain finally stopped arguing with his heart.
You can’t hide from your demons forever. It will be fine.
He couldn’t remember the walk to his car or the long drive back to the dorms. He knew the buzz from the alcohol had long since worn off with the sun's departure. All he knew was that he stood there almost awkwardly. How could one feel so unwelcome in a home that was their own?
“Changkyun.” He didn’t realize his eyes were closed momentarily, not even when he had been silently counting to ten to calm his unknown nerves. Eyes now opened in shock, they met with old but familiar eyes.
Count to ten if anything gets worse. You can't always hide from your demons, Changkyun.
His mouth opened and then shut. How does one feel like they’re suffering while the steady flow of oxygen flows through so easily without missing a single beat?
How could he feel so damn pathetic under their gaze? Why did he come inside? Why was he hyperventilating? And why did it feel like the world was against him constantly?
“I–” A stumbling idiot. His breath caught in his throat as he watched their worried eyes. Even as the days turned to months and the months finally met the year, he grew to hate how their eyes never hid the worry. “I’m fine.”
Lying always comes at a cost. You should know this.
“You’re not fine, Changkyun.” Hyunwoo was the first to speak up. Changkyun hated this. He hated the little interventions they threw at him. He was fine. He swears.
“Talk to us. Stop shutting us out.” It was Jooheon who spoke up next. The worry that laced their voices caused him to hate himself. If he wasn’t so addicted to the thing of the past, he wouldn’t be the cause of all their worries. He wouldn’t be the cause of all the tension and finger-pointing he knew they did behind his back.
“I just want to be alone.” His body was on autopilot. Quick strides took him to his room, where the door was locked, and the voices outside calling his name were blocked out. His phone was in his hands in seconds, and once again, on autopilot, he found himself searching for her name on Instagram. Thankful she hadn't blocked him.
The more you break your heart, the harder it is to repair it. Stop doing this to yourself.
He knew it was wrong. He knew it was wrong to ignore the pleas of the other members, but he also knew it was wrong to not give his heart a break. Shaky hands clicked on the first picture that popped up on her page. A beautiful diamond ring, her nails done to perfection, and a caption that eagerly said, “I said yes! I can’t wait to take your last name.”
And god did that fucking hurt.
Tears rushed to brim his eyes like a broken dam. His usual choked sob that he tried to silence wouldn’t fall for the command this time. It bounced off the four walls, back into his ears, and under the door's crack.
You’re breaking your own heart. You can be happy with someone else. Stop doing this to yourself.
He was a fool. How many times must he beat himself up and apologize for her to know he’s being honest? Must he rip his heart out to show her how broken it is? Must he break down in front of an audience and sing her name out just to get her back?
He hated this unknown man. He hated how his thoughts were quick to act and go against him. He shouldn’t be in her life. He was an imposter. Unimportant to the story, to their story.
He treats her well, I bet. Holds her tight at night. He surely wouldn’t do what you did.
“Stop it.” Changkyun’s choked-out sob was louder than before. “Stop working against me. Please.”
His pleas fell on deaf ears. He knew his heart was in a war with his brain. One would surely fall victim to either love or hate eventually.
Stop making stupid decisions you know your heart won’t be able to repair. Don’t call her.
He knew his heart was already a broken vessel that couldn’t be repaired anymore. Shaky fingers and blurred eyes quickly dialed the number the other members kept deleting.
One ring turned into two, two into three, then, “Hello?”
He knew this was wrong. It was so fucking wrong. It was wrong to call, and it was unfair she picked up.
“Changkyun?”
His world stopped, and his breath caught in his throat as he heard her say his name oh so softly. The tears couldn’t be stopped. He was choking on the sob that couldn’t previously escape, and he worried it would scare her off.
What was he to say? His previous attempts at begging her to come back always quickly fell on deaf ears. How could he do this to himself? Why would he do this to himself?
Because you’re a fool in love, Changkyun.
#kvanity#monsta x drabble#monsta x imagines#monsta x x reader#monsta x fanfic#changkyun imagine#changkyun angst#monsta x angst
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Character Development: Chapter 5
Pairing: Monsta X Changkyun x Reader
Word Count: 1.4k
Warnings: yandere themes, kidnapping, general delusion, angst
Character Development Masterlist
“Morning,” Changkyun whispered.
Seeing him lying next to me, inches away from my face, was shocking. I screamed and stumbled to get out of the bed.
“What the—why are you here?”
“In my bedroom?” He asked me while laughing, “Sorry, our bedroom”
I shook my head, “But I locked the door.”
He laughed again. “I have a key, of course”
One moment of peace, that’s all I'm asking for.
“Get back here, it’s still early.” His arms reached out to me.
Not. A. Chance. He gave me a pout. “No, I’m good.” I crossed my arms over my chest, was it always this cold in the house?
Changkyun watched me try the door; it wouldn't open. I whipped around to look at him, jiggling the handle loudly. He raised his eyebrows, waiting for me to ask properly. “Why won’t it open?” I demanded, ending softly so as not to provoke him.
“I locked it,” he answered simply, now sitting up, one hand resting on the bed where I had been.
I could feel my stress levels rising. I’m locked in a room with this psycho. And apparently, he can lock and unlock any door. Whereas I am becoming progressively more and more helpless. It was one thing to be sitting in the open floorplan of the kitchen-dining-living room downstairs. But here, it was as if the walls were closing in on me.
“Come back to me.” He requested.
Obeying felt like throwing away my dignity, but I was in constant fear it would be that or my life. My skin crawled as I climbed back onto the bed, almost falling off the edge to sit as far away as possible. Too close. Still too close. His face brightened and he tugged harshly on my arm, pulling me toward him. Manhandling me as he saw fit.
“This makes me so happy, you know.”
“I know.” I sighed, feeling utterly defeated. My back to his chest as he played with my hands.
For an hour, we sat like that. Or at least, I thought it was an hour. There wasn’t a clock in the bedroom. There wasn’t a clock in most of the rooms, except for the kitchen. Time seemed to drag on–more so with Changkyun here than before. Thankfully, he didn’t make me talk much, mostly just rambled to himself. I even managed to block him out at some points.
“--beakfast.” I heard, snapping back from zoning out.
Changkyun lifted me slightly, just enough to move me out of his lap, positioning me beside him, and got out of bed. He must have said something along the lines of ‘Let’s have breakfast.’ I smirked and silently congratulated myself on being able to drown him out.
“Your smile is beautiful.” He grinned at me. “I told you, you would be happy here. I’ll make you happy.”
I had let my guard down. When I looked back up from my hands I’d punched the bed with, Changkyun was looking back at me, taking off his shirt.
“What are you doing!?” I looked away.
“Uh… getting dressed.”
“Go into the bathroom or something,” I shouted at him, averting my eyes.
Changkyun chuckled, “My y/n, so innocent and shy.”
He took some clothes and walked them to the bathroom. Despite it being him who was shirtless rather than me, I felt violated. Get me out of here.
“Are you not going to change?” He asked, re-entering the bedroom. “Wait,” he threw his pajamas, “I know just what you should wear!” He rifled through the dresser. Great, he had my whole wardrobe memorized now?
“I can find something mys–”
“No, this is perfect.” He held out a bulky sweatshirt of mine. “Then we can match,” he beamed.
I glanced from his excited expression, to the baggy white sweats he was wearing. “Great, we can match.” I mumbled sarcastically.
“Like a real couple,” he mused; I took the clothes he was holding out to me.
Gag me, I whispered.
“What was that?”
“Nothing, I’ll change, and uh meet you downstairs.”
He offered to wait for me, but when I assured him on how hungry I was, he rushed downstairs instead. I can’t get a grip on his personality. He’s so hot and cold. It's as if my tone could determine his whole state of being. But he also didn’t seem to care as long as I was saying what he wanted to hear. This is limbo. A continuous state of high tension, confusion, and most importantly, never ending mental torture. As easy as he was to set off, it was just as easy to please him.
I sat alone in the room after getting dressed. I needed to be alone to sort out my thoughts. What I wouldn’t give to at least step outside. I should have pushed through my drowsiness last night. Tried the doors or tied him up when he slept. Surely Changkyun would have to go back to work eventually, right? I just have to wait it out until then. If I spend this time learning about Changkyun, learning about the house, maybe I could find some way out. Or at least get a key to one of the locked doors. I had begun to understand why all the cleaning supplies were locked away.
The quiet was nice... To be away from Changkyun’s delusions. And then, of course, cue the bedroom door opening. Changkyun looked concerned as he had been calling out my name, “You haven’t come down for breakfast, is something wrong?”
He can’t be left alone for five minutes. “Just starting my morning off slow.” I answered although it was perfectly normal for me to have held back a couple minutes and needed absolutely no explanation.
“Oh… okay… But I want you to come downstairs now.” This was not a request but a demand.
“Coming,” I stood up.
“I love that we’re matching.” He repeated.
“I know you do,” I signed, following him down the stairs.
“How about pancakes,” Changkyun suggested when we walked into the kitchen together. I shrugged. He stared back blankly.
“Sure.”
“I’m so excited to cook with you! You don’t know how long I’ve waited for this!”
Domesticity, I groaned, silently of course. “Changkyun I–”
“Yes love?”
My final straw, “I don’t want to cook with you,” I burst out. “I don’t want to match clothes with you! I want to go home!” I shouted at him while we walked. He did not look pleased.
“I think we need to talk,” was all Changkyun said. However, he was very deliberately directing me to sit down at the table. I don’t know what overcame me, I was becoming just as turbulent as him,
“No,” and possibly a little cocky.
His eyes widened. “I’m telling you to take a seat. It looks like you’re forgetting your place here.” Clutching my shoulder roughly, he walked me to the table. After pushing me down into one of the chairs, he added, “And that place is under my thumb,” for emphasis.
Fisting a handful of my hair, Changkyun forced me to look up at him. “When I ask you to do something, you do it.” His grip loosened and he let his hand glide through my hair. “I’m taking such good care of you,” he traced my jawline.
“My home is much better than where you were living before, and I’ve supplied you with anything you’d need. And I’ve not gotten so much as a ‘thank you’ from you. I even transported you here comfortably,” he was now smoothing my hair back and staring through me. “...tied up all your loose ends. You were bored of your job. And your family? How much have you thought about them really, since you got here?”
Every moment of every day. In fact, I even wrote them letters in case I never make it out of here.
“It’s time you stopped being so combative." he continued refocusing cupping my cheek and soothing my cheekbone with his thumb, "It was cute when you acted like that with other men, but I’m really not interested in it anymore. We’ve had a rocky start, but it will make our story all the more romantic. Now, kiss me and I’ll forgive you.” He closed his eyes and smiled, showing off his dimples.
I stared blankly and we sat there for a minute. He huffed and rolled his eyes, I felt like I was in a cringy coming of age argument.
“I guess I wasn’t clear enough. When I ask you to do something, you jump at the chance to fulfill my request.” He grabbed me by the jaw and forced a kiss on me. “See? That wasn’t so hard now, was it?” He whispered against my skin. “I forgive you,” He punctuated this with a pat on my head. He pulled away to hold me at arm's length by my shoulders, “I could never stay mad at you. Now let’s make breakfast.”
And so, Changkyun gets everything he wants.
Doing anything with Changkyun was a painful ordeal. He didn’t make anything easy. At one point he threw flour at me. I cringed and laughed to cover my blatant agitation. I imagined what would happen if I poured milk on him… probably best not to find out.
“Jagiya,” I didn’t realize I had zoned out again, while he handled the stove, ‘don't want you accidentally burning yourself.’ When I refused to answer to his pet names, he called out my name, “--I’m speaking to you.”
“Yes?”
“You don’t look like you're having fun.” I’m not. Changkyun gazed at me with disappointment.
“No,” I did my best to preserve the peace. “No, I’m having so much fun” I dipped my finger in the batter and swiped it across his cheek, “...with you.”
He looked slightly shocked, and then burst into a smile and started giggling. Honestly, that felt like a 50/50 shot. I joined him in laughing, though mostly out of relief. He cupped my face, with a sincere look in his eyes. Now I laughed genuinely. I couldn’t take him seriously with the batter smeared on his face,
“You look ridiculous” I blurted out. This obviously hurt him. He thought we were having a moment and I quite literally laughed in his face. “Uh, because of your face.” I was not remedying the situation. He pulled away. “I mean because of this.”
I grabbed him and aggressively wiped at his face. This only made more of a mess. Twice now, I've touched him voluntarily, and my hand burned because of it. Not that I was keeping count–he probably was though. He froze, and coughed awkwardly–or, more likely, because of the smoke billowing off the pan on the stove.
Twice as flustered now, “Go over there, don’t breathe in the smoke, it's bad for you.” Changkyun prompted me to leave the kitchen. I obeyed, at least I don't have to clean it up. In the meantime, I made my way to the bathroom down the hall and looked at my reflection in the mirror.
“He is despicable.” I looked myself in the eyes. “He’s not friendly, he’s dangerous. A loose cannon and a criminal. Remember twenty minutes ago? Do not feel bad for hurting his feelings. He deserves every insult in the book, he is a monster.” After a couple more minutes of reminding myself Changkyun did not deserve me trying my hardest, I re-entered the kitchen.
“Sorry I ruined breakfast,” Changkyun looked at me with a discouraged expression.
“It’s not ruined, there's still some batter left!”
“If you like them with a little smoke.”
“It just gives them an edge. Besides, there wasn’t that much smoke.” I was already back on my bullshit, and he didn’t even seem convinced. And then it hit me–how stupid I was. I hacked out a fake cough, “On second thought…” This made him panic. “Maybe we should open a window?”
He guided me out of the kitchen. “The windows don’t open.” He laughed incredulously.
“Oh… Right,” I chuckled, “Then maybe the back d–”
“No.” he said sternly.
We wound up in the library and didn’t speak, but I knew better than to try and leave when he shut the door purposefully behind us. Choosing to sit in the chair by the window, I drank in the midmorning sunlight. I wasn’t sure why he was so quiet, but busied myself reprimanding myself for falling for his puppy dog eyes and self-deprecation.
At some point he left; I stayed, so as not to look like I was following him. Eventually, he came back. I tried to act like I didn’t notice, like I was too wrapped up in this book, but the truth is I was painfully aware of his every move. My head ached from the hypervigilance, and it's been forever since I ate last. The sun and barred windows came together to cast harsh shadows on the floor, it must be past noon now.
Changkyun broke the silence, “This isn’t how I wanted to spend our first full day together.” That’s right, it’s only been a total of one full day. He crossed the small room to kneel in front of me, “please don’t ignore me.” This sounded much more like a plea than usual, and he placed his hands gently on my knees, “I ordered us something.”
I looked down my nose at him, doing my best not to shudder from his touch. Hopefully, he thinks I’m waiting for him to stop talking so I can carry on reading.
“Since apparently neither of us can be trusted to cook,” he let out a weak laugh, and looked away. I am not impressed. I know I’m most likely testing his patience, but I could get used to openly showing my disgust for him. “I’m sorry for putting you in danger. I never want you to be uncomfortable,” He looked away.
I raised an eyebrow, so this is why he was being so mild, he thinks I’m upset with him? Danger? Uncomfortable? A little smoke’s not gonna kill me. I rolled my eyes, internally of course. And don’t even get me started on being uncomfortable.
“The smoke’s all gone,” he said hopefully.
I would assume so, it’s not like the house was on fire. I brushed his hands off of me, “Is the food here?”
“Any minute now,'' he reports, delighted.
Gently, he plucks the book out of my hand and places it on the windowsill. I try to tug my hand away, but he already has a merciless grip on me, accompanied by a blissful smile on his face. I let him guide me into the kitchen while he rattled on about “Sorry” and “we’re so silly” and other things about us that he made up, like how similar we are.
Lunch passed slowly also; except this time, I wasn’t allowed to leave when I was done. Although, I learned some things about Changkyun: he is a nepo baby, he travels relatively often, he's wildly obsessed with me, and his favorite color is purple (although it is unclear whether or not that is because it’s my favorite color). Of course, those were all things he told me. On inference, I learned he’s relatively estranged from his family, he’s a homebody, and him thinking I’m upset with him is much more propitious than me actually being upset with him. In other words, the cold shoulder is highly effective.
Since lunch was so late, I requested that I skip dinner. He did not oblige so I picked at my food and sat with him. We got onto the topic of hobbies which I thought was pointless because he made an effort to brag about how much he knew about me. This morphed into hobbies I should take up.
“You know what you need?” I stared at him. “To brush up on your Korean.” Brush up? I didn’t know any. “Not that it’ll be anytime soon, but when I go to work, I want you studying. And then we could talk to each other in Korean.” He swooned.
“Are you fluent?” He nodded; obviously happy I was inquiring about him. But that was the extent of the questions I asked.
And so the day crawled to a close, ending with us arguing about him leaving the room while I showered–I won after appealing to him: I’m, “still so shy. It’s cute.” I ended up leaving the shower running so I could fall asleep alone.
#monsta x#changkyun#i.m#im changkyun#mx#mbb#angst#yandere monsta x#monsta x fanfic#changkyun fanfic#changkyun angst#changkyun fluff#kpop#x reader#self insert#yandere changkyun#yandere kpop
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never let me go. | im changkyun
🥀a/n : hi!! I'm back again! but with angst! (I love me some good angst). I'm saying sorry in advance if you cry or I break your heart with this piece. I hope you enjoy it nonetheless. thank you for reading and exisiting within this space with me. you're loved, you matter, remember to take care of yourself, eat, even if it's small, and drink water loves. thank you; always. ♡ As usual, English isn't my first language so please be mindful when reading if you come across any grammar errors etc. My apologies in advance!
wc | 1k+
warnings : angst (really depends how you perceive this piece)
[1:26am] Five missed calls. That's how many times he called her since the news broke. Media outlets released the story around midnight. Despite all the fight they put in to stop this exact situation from happening, nothing worked. Several media outlets reported her and Changkyun to be dating for nearly two years, and in a matter of seconds her phones started pinging nonstop. Ranging from nice messages to a world of hate and death threats and many other vile things she wouldn't wish on anyone. Her phone pinged again and she glanced at it where it sat on the closet floor.
Changkyun : Answer your phone.
He called again. She didn't answer. She was too overwhelmed. She didn't even remember how she ended up sitting on the closet floor sitting in the dark. She couldn't move. Not when she felt her whole world has stopped. That's the thing about their relationship. It wasn't a secret because of what the world would think. It was a secret because it protected her and her privacy, and now.... Now... that privacy is being threatened.
After a few minutes of her sitting in the dark, that's when she heard him. The sound of him slamming the front door pulling her out of her thoughts.
'Babe!' he yelled, as he made his way up the steps. She didn't respond. How could she? She didn't know what this all meant for them. She was scared to say the least.
After a few minutes he called out again, 'Babe! Where are you?'
She heard him enter the closet before she saw him. He was breathing heavily as if he ran a marathon. The exact moment he spotted her his breathing relaxed. He went to turn on the light in the closet but she shook her head. The light from the bedroom creating enough of a glow to see in the darkened room. He left the door cracked and made his way over to where she was seated on the floor.
'Baby, are you okay?' he asked, kneeling in front of her. His hands lightly touching her cheeks finding wet tears silently flowing down her face. She let out a soft sob, not being able to answer him.
'Shhh. It's okay, I'm right here' Changkyun spoke softly, pulling her head into his chest. She silently cried in his chest. His arms wrapped tightly around her.
'Im so sorry...' she said into his chest. A chocked sob escaping her.
'No. You have nothing to be sorry for and I'm not going to apologize for loving you either.' he said, kissing her head softly. She felt a tear fall down his cheeks onto her hand and looked up at him. To her surprises, he was crying too.
'Are you okay?' she asks him, shifting so she is sitting in his lap, facing him. Her small hands wiped his tears off his cheeks as she pressed soft kisses onto his reddened face, where his tears were falling. He rested his head against hers.
'You always do that" Changkyun says softly. Taking a deep breath. His eyes closed and he controlled his breathing.
'Do what?' she asked, her hands comfortably playing with the small strands of hair on the nap of his neck.
'Calm me down when I should be calming you down. I'm sorry' he finally says after a long pause.
'Thats not how it works babe. We're in this together. I never want you to hide your feelings for the sake of mine. I want to be there for you in the same way you are to me' she speaks softly, he kisses her softly. His hand landing on the back of her neck, pulling her closer.
'I love you' she says says against his lips.
'I love you too' he says. Her chest pulling tight for what all this may mean for their future,. 'I need you to know th-' he says but she cuts him off.
'Dont. Not now. Not ever' she said, pulling a way slightly to look him in the eyes. This is the first time tonight she fully looked at him. His eyes were bloodshot but he still put up a strong front. But she knew. She knew him better then anyone. There was a war going on inside of him, both in his head and heart. He shook his head at her.
'Please.." his voice cracked as he spoke, 'I have to say this.' Changkyun looked at her with pleading eyes. So she nodded. Fresh tears threatening to spill from her eyes. He took another deep breath.
'I want you to know that if it gets to much you can walk away. I will still love you as I do today tomorrow and every day after. But if you can't do this. I understand.' Changkyun spoke, his voice cracking with each word, as tears fell from his face. She reached to wipe more of his tears.
'Is that what you want?' she asked, biting her lip trying to keep a sob from escaping.
'No. Not in a million years. But I don't want to be the cause of your pain.' he spoke, looking at her as if this might be the last time he ever sees her. Her heart was breaking with each word. He's got is all wrong. She leaned her head back against his.
'You're wrong. In all two years of our relationship, you haven't brought me an ounce of pain. You brought me a world of happiness and I wouldn't give that up for any other person or for anyt reason. I'm going to fight for you. For your love. Whether you think I deserve this or not, doesn't matter to me. Because I want this. You want this. And we deserve this. So you're going to have to try harder to get rid of me' she said the words in a rush, trying to get her point across because she couldn't bear to see the man she loved breaking right in front of her eyes.
He let out a chocked laugh and kissed her roughly. His tongue teasing her bottom lip, begging for permission. She opened her mouth. Their kiss wasnt like any they've ever shared before. This one spoke without the words. Solidified that they will fight for their love because they deserve it. He pulled away, biting her lip as he pulled away.
'We'll survive this, you and I. We will,' he spoke against her lips. His arms tightened around her wasits. She nodded.
'Never let me go.' she said, burying her head into his chest and Changkyun hugged her tightly.
#monsta x#changkyun#monsta x imagines#monsta x scenarios#monsta x smut#monsta x fluff#changkyun smut#monsta x changkyun#changkyun fluff#changkyun drabble#changkyun angst#monsta x angst
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𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐲 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠.
“i’ll love you the way you deserved to be loved.”
to my dear changkyun,
you were my first friend, my first love, and now my first goodbye. these are my letters to you.
word count: 16k
꒰ m.list ➭ before ꒱
Since I’ve said my peace, I can finally walk down this aisle and promise myself a new beginning; a new fate; a new life without you. I’m finally moving on. So, tell me, why after all these years am I seeing your face again?
───────── ☾ • ☽ ──────────
Falling in love with your best friend and writing handwritten letters made you feel like your life is a cliché B-rated rom-com movie. You had been writing your letters to Changkyun for the past couple of months. Every now and then you would dedicate your time to release your feelings on pen and paper. It was exhausting to say the least. First, you had to understand your feelings into words besides pterodactyl screams, ugly crying and cuss words. Second, your hand needed to function long enough to get everything out in one go – which doesn’t happen, so you’ve resorted on taking notes on your phone and then transferring them on paper when you get the chance. And lastly, you had to keep this a secret from your nosy roommate who had free access to visit your room at any time. You managed to survive and here you were, the letters neatly sealed in an envelope with no address to send it to. Maybe you didn’t think this through. Maybe it was for the best that you didn’t know. You didn’t write these letters for a response or answers. He doesn’t need to know how you feel. You just wanted closure. You just wanted a proper goodbye. Besides, you had no idea where Changkyun was much less where he lived.
As you held the letters in your hands, Jooheon messaged you. You almost shiver at the timing. Jooheon never brought Changkyun up since he held you for days that summer but if anyone were to be in contact with Changkyun, it would be him. Oh well, it couldn’t hurt to ask. You sent Jooheon a text asking him to come over.
You opened your first letter to read over again. Although he brought you a great amount of pain, you can’t help but smile as you reminisced. It was bittersweet. The memories you had with Changkyun were only good ones; the fact that he became a memory wasn’t. You were deep in your thoughts you didn’t hear Jaebum’s knock until you saw your door crack open. In a hurry, you scramble to hide your letters. You spread your arms across the papers to cover as many words as possible you can from Jaebum. He raises his eyebrow at you. “Bad timing?” His eyes are already calculating your form.
“No!” Not suspicious at all. “I mean, no – what’s up?” He glances at the papers on your desk. You stand up stuffing the papers in their envelopes as quickly as you can. You put the envelopes in the filing tray by your desk facing down – a detail you hope Jaebum doesn’t recognise. “I was just cleaning up.” You give him a smile. “What’s up?”
“I was just letting you know I was heading out.” Jaebum gave you a meaningful look – one, you both made to let the other know that you were not coming home tonight. You nodded not one bit phased and started tidying up your desk. Jaebum doesn’t say a word and closes your door once again. You sigh in relief and fix up the letters in the envelope.
Half an hour later you hear Jaebum get the door as you get up from the couch to make room for Jooheon. The two exchange pleasantries. “I brought Chinese.” Jooheon showed off once he saw you. “It’s only for two though, sorry Jae.” Jooheon says over his shoulder.
“All good. I was about to head out anyway.” Jaebum shrugs as he puts his leather jacket on. “Don’t wait up.” He says to you, and you mumble a ‘see you’ not even looking his way as you sit back down on the couch to watch your current favourite series.
Jooheon watches the two of you until Jaebum closes the door behind him. You tore your eyes away from the TV at the sound of Jooheon’s sigh. “I don’t know how you can have such a relationship with him.”
You smile as he joins you on the couch and you open the container. “Not my fault you’re too possessive to share Honey.” You teased him with a wink.
“Call me old-fashioned or a prude but a casual open relationship is not my style.” Jooheon turns his nose up at the idea.
You poke his dimple making him smile which made his dimple deeper. “I don’t think you’re either. You’re just a romantic. It’s good, there’s few out there nowadays. Too many scarred and broken to want to love like that anymore.” You said without any real meaning behind your words. It was just an observation of how society became.
Jooheon wasn’t as observant as Jaebum or Changkyun but that doesn’t change the fact that Jooheon knows you very well. He is your oldest friend after all. He understands there could be a meaning behind your words, and he didn’t like it one bit. “You’re not too scarred or broken to love, y/n.”
You give him a light smile brushing off the idea. “I wasn’t talking about me, Honey.” He frowns not believing you but lets the subject go anyway.
━━━☆
It had been a couple of hours since Jooheon came over when you decided to rip the band-aid off. You two had an old drama that was popular when you were younger playing in the background while you two talk. The opening song for the next episode started to play when you decided to ask, “Have you kept in contact with Changkyun?”
Jooheon’s eyes bulge out of its sockets at your question. If he was drinking water, he would have choked on it. You would have laughed if it wasn’t for the weight on your chest from the question. Jooheon stopped gaping at your sudden question trying to regain composure. He clears his throat. “Yeah, I have.” He answers in a whisper almost like he was ashamed to tell you.
You didn’t know why you wanted to cry. You didn’t feel betrayed by Jooheon – Changkyun was his friend as much as he was yours. Maybe even more of his friend than yours. He has every right to continue to be friends with him. But you had mixed feelings and a lot more questions now. “Can you do me a favour? Can you send him something for me? I’ll pay for postage.”
“Y/n,” You can hear the disapproval and sadness in his voice.
“I don’t want to talk to him. I’m not ready for that just yet. I don’t know if I’ll ever be, but I need to do this for me.” For the second time of the night, Jooheon shuts his mouth knowing there was no point in convincing you otherwise. If this was what you needed to heal and he could help with that, then that’s what he’ll do. He wraps his arm around you as you both turn your attention to the TV, but you couldn’t focus on anything else after that.
───────── ☾ • ☽ ──────────
SEVEN MONTHS LATER.
Today was the day. You had no idea the day would come so soon but it has, and you are excited for it. It has been a long time coming. You can see everyone waiting in their seats for the bride to walk in. “Are you nervous?” Jooheon whispers to you.
“No, there’s nothing to be nervous about.” You reassure yourself and him. He smiles giving your hand a squeeze before walking down the aisle with his paired bridesmaid. You let out a heavy breath to steel your nerves as you wait for your turn.
When did time move so fast? You swore you could still remember the feeling of the steel benches you had to sit on in your high school cafeteria. You can still remember the faint ringing of team spirit for the football team when you close your eyes. You can still remember the sound of the clock ticking a little too loudly when the class was boring and dragging for way too long. But that time is long past, that is made apparent by this new milestone. You started walking down the aisle feeling nostalgic. Your eyes meet familiar faces, and you share a smile. Everyone is sharing the same warmth and glee as you. It was a day filled with happiness. You look ahead to finally see the groom in question. He is someone you treasured and adored for years. He is the person that deserves this love and happiness the most. He should be the happiest one standing at the altar at this moment. So why is he looking at you with what looks like apprehension? Is he worried about you? There wasn’t any reason to worry anymore. Since you said your peace and had your closure, you can finally walk down this aisle and promise yourself a new beginning; a new fate; a new life without him. You felt elated at your new resolution. You held your head high as you reached the end of the altar. You stand in your place facing the guests. You were finally moving on.
So, why is it after all these years are you seeing his face when you search the crowd? Why when you're finally moving on, is he right in front you making all your emotions flood right back? You felt your throat close as your eyes landed on the second row at the groom’s side. There was no mistaking it; you knew those deep watchful eyes from anywhere. Changkyun was right before your eyes after all these years, and he was looking straight at you. Your heart felt heavy with pain at his presence, but you feel butterflies in your stomach from his stare. This was not supposed to happen. Today marked your fresh start. Why was he here? Is that why Hoseok is looking at you like that? Someone’s head overshadows Changkyun breaking your eye contact. It was Chansoo trying to get your attention waving at you and smiling widely. You found yourself giving him a small smile and wave to not distract the rest of the guests. You watch Chansoo beam and whisper to Changkyun who didn’t tear his gaze away from you. It seemed to all fall in place. It wasn’t that surprising if Hoseok had invited Chansoo to his wedding given the two were classmates and close friends in high school but that didn’t explain why Changkyun was with him. You turn your attention to Hoseok who was watching you the entire time. You watch him mouthed an ‘I’m sorry’ while he sported his infamous puppy-dog eyes. You give a smile to ease him. Today wasn’t about you or Changkyun, you needed to remind yourself and Hoseok of that fact.
━━━☆
As happy as you are for Hoseok, you couldn’t focus on the ceremony at all. How could you when Changkyun is only a couple of feet away? You were stiff the entire time. You had to strain yourself to focus on the couple in front of you because you knew you would start crying if you were to look at him one more time. Changkyun, however, was the opposite. He couldn’t keep his eyes off you. He was taking notice of what had changed since he last saw you. It was the first time he had seen you with coloured hair – he thinks it suits you. You looked more mature, which made sense, but you had a different air around you which he couldn’t quite put his finger on. As he watched you walk down the aisle so confidently, he had the wind knock out of him. A flood of emotions went through him; regret that he couldn’t watch you become the woman you are now, melancholy as he is reminded of the memories he shared with you, and trepidation at the thought of what he would say to you and what you would say to him.
“I, now, pronounce you, husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.” The infamous line breaks you out of your daze just as Hoseok kisses his wife. You joined everyone in cheering for the two – finally feeling a sense of happiness since you’ve seen Changkyun. You dare to look at him as the couple walk down the aisle to see he’s still looking at you. You didn’t know what to do. You couldn’t even find it in you to give him a small smile and he couldn’t either. It was painfully awkward. Luckily, it wasn't long until it was your turn to walk down the aisle.
Jooheon meets you in the middle of the aisle confusing your partners, but he links arms with you without hesitating. “You saw him, right?” Jooheon whispers as you pass the man in question.
His eyes never leave your form as you continue to look ahead. “How could I not?” You answered with gritted teeth. “Did he receive my letters?”
Jooheon nodded which made you swear under your breath. “Didn’t you want him to read it?”
“Of course, but that’s because I thought I would never see him again in my life.” You sigh as you wait in the lobby for the photographer to call you back to take photos.
“Isn’t this good though? You guys can talk about what happened.”
You turn towards Jooheon to make sure no one can hear your conversation. “I’m not interested in talking about what happened Honey. I just wanted to say everything I didn’t get to say and be done with it.”
Jooheon’s eyebrows furrows in confusion. He understood where you were coming from, but he couldn’t help but think you were being selfish. “How is that fair on Changkyun, y/n?”
“How was it fair on me, Jooheon?!” You snapped before you could stop yourself. The people close to you look your way. You turn to Jooheon in a quieter voice. “Let’s just drop it. Just not today, okay?”
“You always want to drop it, y/n. Not today, not ever.” Jooheon rolls his eyes finally letting out the truth.
You frowned. “It’s Seokie’s wedding Jooheon. There’s a time and a place.”
“Really? Because in these past five years there didn’t seem to be such a thing?” You are shocked at Jooheon’s sudden frustration about the subject. During the past years, he had done nothing but avoid the topic. Clearly it wasn’t because that’s what he thought was the best but because he knew he couldn’t talk to you about it. “You’re not the only one that had a lot to say, y/n.” Jooheon says.
You gritted your teeth. “He was the one that left without a word. Not me.” Before Jooheon could argue further the photographer called the wedding party up.
Of course, the photographer wanted a photo of Hoseok and the bride with their high school classmates. You cling to Hyungwon and Jooheon to protect either side. You notice Changkyun stands a couple of meters behind you with Chansoo and Hyunwoo. “Can we have the tall one switch with you?” The photographer points to Hyungwon and someone from behind. Hyungwon gives you a smile before switching with the said person. You let Hyungwon go and look over at who he was switching with. Your heart stops as you watch Changkyun make his way over to you. He had changed a lot. He looked thinner but he was still as fit as ever. His jawline was as prominent as his nose and his shoulders looked broader than you remember – if that was possible. For once, he didn’t meet your eyes as he walked over to you and that gave you the confidence to stare at him. You couldn’t really see him all the way from the altar. He had pierced his ears and long dark hair that framed his forehead. You hated just how good he looked without you. Jooheon and the rest of the student council watched the two of you. You turn to look ahead once Changkyun reached you. “Perfect!” The photographer says giving everyone a ‘thumbs up’. Your body heated up at the feeling of his arm brushing against your shoulder. It was sheer torture. It was the longest three minutes of your life. Thankfully, the photographer requested everyone who wasn’t a part of the wedding party to step down, which made sure there wasn’t any room for either of you to say anything.
━━━☆
Due to the photographer being so efficient, the photoshoot was no nonsense and very professional. You couldn’t even have the time to pick up where you and Jooheon had left off because right when the photoshoot ended you were being swept away to head to the reception. It looked like the world wasn’t entirely against you since you weren’t “coincidentally” made to sit at the same table as Changkyun like in the movies. You sat with the newlyweds along with their parents and the rest of the bridesmaids and groomsmen. You momentarily forgot about your predicament while listening to everyone’s heartfelt speeches. You laughed and held back your tears. It was a truly magnificent experience – one you really wanted for yourself someday.
“Y/n! I’m so sorry I had no idea that Chansoo would have brought him as his plus one.” Hoseok apologises the second he could. After the events finished, the bride and groom started making their rounds of greeting and thanking their guests.
You smiled at the wonderful man. Even at his own wedding, he still looks after everyone else. “Seokie, don’t worry about it. It’s your wedding, act like it.” You lectured lovingly.
He kisses your hand in appreciation. “You’re the best.”
“I know,” You chuckle and send him away to his lovely bride to continue greeting their guests. Jooheon had left your side to socialise with his coworkers – as if he doesn’t see them daily. He was clearly avoiding you which made you roll your eyes.
“It’s been a while, little one.” A warm familiar voice catches your attention. You turn towards the voice to see Chansoo hovering over you with a smile.
You stood up to greet your childhood friend. “Chansoo, it’s so good to see you.” You both hugged each other naturally. “You haven’t changed one bit.” You laughed taking in his appearance.
“Wish I can say the same about you. You’re not so little anymore.” He replies getting his hand swatted away when he tried to rub your head like he used to. He laughs seeing that you haven’t forgotten his little habit towards you. “Do you wanna dance?” He asks extending his hand out for you. You give him a smile despite the ominous feeling in the pit of your stomach. You took his hand and let him lead you to the dance floor. Your eyes tried searching the room for any sign of Changkyun, but you couldn’t find him. It was the first time that night you looked for him. “What have you been up to?” He asks as he places his free hand on your waist.
“The usual; managed to graduate for my bachelor's and I’m a fashion designer now. What about you?”
“Fashion designer? Who would have thought?” You smile in agreement. “After my service, I decided to become a policeman. I finished my training two years ago.”
He spun you around making you laugh. “That’s really good.”
“Do you have a boyfriend?” Chansoo asks as he pulls you to his chest.
“Not really,”
“Not really?” He repeats amused raising an eyebrow at your answer.
Before you could explain you hear someone clear their throat from behind you. You both turn to the interrupter, and your knees went weak. “Can I cut in?” No.
“Be my guest,” Chansoo answers for you. No. You wanted to scream. “I hope to see you more from now on, y/n. I’ve missed you.” Chansoo gives you a kiss on the cheek before handing you over to his brother.
He transfers your hand to Changkyun’s not giving you time to run away or refuse. Your hand tingles at the feeling of his calloused hand on yours. You felt like you had been frozen in time unable to function. The feeling of his hand on your waist was a different feeling compared to Chansoo’s; it ignited a fire inside you that you didn’t want to exist. You placed your hand on his firm shoulder and began to follow his movements. “It’s been a while.” You flinched from his touch upon hearing his voice. You stepped back and stared at his face; the two of you no longer dancing. It's been a while? That's all you have to say after all these years? Tears filled your eyes just as quickly as he appeared back in your life. You ran out of the room not wanting him or anyone see you cry. You ran into the garden sobbing. “Y/n,” He called after you. Just like old times, always chasing after you when you were upset. The thought felt bittersweet. He pulled you into his chest and cradled your head. “I’m sorry,” He whispers into your hair making you choke. “I shouldn’t have come; I knew I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry, I’ll leave.” You squeezed your eyes feeling a sense of déjà vu. You couldn’t believe that the boy who only brought you happiness and love now only caused you pain and heartbreak. “I just needed to let you know; I love you, I always have, I always will. I’m so sorry.” You were processing his confession when he kisses your forehead and lets you go for the second time. You felt numb as he placed an envelope into your hand and turned to leave. You watched his figure walk away from your vision before dropping on the stone bench next to you. Your mind was reeling, and you were sure your makeup was just as much of a mess as your heart was. You turn your attention to the envelope in your hand. It was the same envelope you had used to send your letters, but it had been worn out from the travel across countries, and it was thicker than you remembered. You pull out the letters you had written to see he had written ones himself. You gasp and start sobbing once again. Why did it turn out like this? It wasn't meant to be like this. Not when it came to him. You cried as you began reading his letters.
━━━☆
Y/n, the first thing I wanted to say after all these years is, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for leaving, I’m sorry for the pain I have caused you, and most of all I’m sorry for not being strong enough. In truth, I’m not the amazing person you wrote about in your letters. In truth, I’m cynical and judgmental, I’m selfish and harsh. In truth, I never believed that I deserved to be in your life. I know you have several questions and I know that’s because I never chose to share my feelings or thoughts with you.
I never seem to do anything right when it came to you. When I first met you, I feared you. You were something so bright and innocent unlike myself who was so shy and gloomy, so I hurt your feelings and pushed you away. But after the first day we met, and I saw how upset you were by my words, I didn’t want to see you upset ever again. You were something foreign to me – kind of like an alien. For days, I watched you play by yourself talking to the sky and smiling as if it said something back. I didn’t understand it at the time, but I knew you were different than the rest. When my parents told me, your parents were rarely home I felt the need to protect you just like I protected the idea of dinosaurs existing. As I got to know you, I found you fascinating. You were so fierce yet so pure. You were something so unknown to me, and I wanted to figure you out.
I liked you from the start. At first, I excused it as brotherly-affection and the need to protect you. But I knew it was more when my blood boiled, and I saw red when I found out about the people who were bullying you. You had no idea how much I had to restrain myself from not beating them up from where they stood but I knew it might change the way you thought of me. You might become scared of me and that was the last thing I wanted. I did as much as I could without you knowing. I didn’t know what I would do if something were to happen to you.
I knew it was more when I felt a tinge of jealousy when you liked Jooheon. I thought, what was so great about him and not me? I was confused when that thought crossed my mind when I noticed your infatuation. I didn't understand why I cared so much to the point I resented Jooheon for a while. Everything I liked about him as a friend, I suddenly couldn't stand. I would compare myself against him and wonder what did he do to make you look at him like that? I knew it was more when I felt relief when you didn’t like him anymore. Everything with Jooheon went back to normal once you got over your crush on him. I didn't overthink everything I did in contrast to him. I didn't tense at every single interaction you had with him anymore. Even though I didn’t understand why I felt that way, all I knew was that it was because of you. It's always you.
It doesn’t excuse the pain I have put you through. But I thought you should know why I left without a word or warning. I was in love with you, y/n. I was head over heels in love with you. I would have done anything for you. I took care of you and loved you with my whole heart. And no, I did not expect anything back in return nor did I want anything back. I was completely satisfied being your best friend for the rest of my life. I swear on my life, everything I did for you was from my heart with nothing but pure intentions. I was content with being able to be in your life. All I wanted was to be there for you and make sure you were okay. I didn't love you because I wanted you to reciprocate my feelings, I loved you because of who you are, because of everything that you are.
When I accepted my place in your life, I knew that meant I would have to see you love and be loved by someone else. When Hoseok came to the picture, I could see it happening. I watched as you fell for him just like I had fallen for you. It was painful to know that you would never look at me with a light in your eyes like I hung the stars up in the sky for you. But I promised myself I would be okay with it, I told myself I was willing to go through that pain and I held on for so long. I swear to you I was going to stick by you with everything I have. I swear I was going to.
But then I did something stupid. For once, I let myself be selfish with you and it ruined my resolution. When I watched your heartbreak when you saw him kiss another girl, I felt like I was staring at my own reflection. It was like I was watching myself cry over you while you love someone else. I was filled with a lot of emotions; anger that someone made you feel heartbroken and sadness that you couldn’t spare me a look. With all the chaos that was going on in my head, I opened pandora’s box by kissing you. That kiss ruined me. It gave me a glimpse of what could have been. How can I stand by your side as your friend when I know how you taste? How can I be your best friend when all I wanted was to make you mine? It's insincere. I can't look you in the eyes and lie to you. I tried, trust me y/n, I really tried. Fuck, I was even your “friend”-date for prom, y/n. I held you in my arms multiple times, but you were never mine to hold. This doesn’t excuse a thing and it was selfish on my part I know that. But I couldn’t handle the idea of not being able to love you with all of me. I couldn’t handle the idea of someone else loving you in my place. I wanted to be that person for you. I wanted to be your person.
I watched you become an independent and strong woman and it made me fall in love with you even more. You were always the strong one between us, y/n. I watched as you became someone that didn’t need me in your life – maybe you didn’t need me in the first place, but I fooled myself to believe that you did. Because I watched you grow into the person you are, I thought you would be better off without me. I felt guilty to be by your side while thinking of you in ways you never thought of me. I began to doubt our friendship. Were we only friends because I was in love with you? Was everything I had done for you was because I wanted you to look at me as a man? I didn’t know what to believe anymore. But I felt like I was taking advantage of your friendship. Everything you had done for me came from pure intentions, out of the goodness of your heart. At the beginning, when I didn’t realise my feelings for you, I can guarantee it was the same for me. But when I realised how I felt, how can I say for sure? The lines blurred. I didn’t know what was what anymore.
I wanted to distance myself from you, y/n. Even though you had moved on from Hoseok just like you did with Jooheon, I knew there was just going to be another one. I knew that I would never be the one for you. I was really frustrated at the time. I wished I could go back to the days where I thought nothing more about the way my stomach fluttered when you took my hand in yours or the way my heart swelled in pride and adoration when you fell asleep next to me. I really wished I had never figured out the way I felt about you because once I knew, I knew I wouldn’t be able to be in your life anymore. The idea of never being able to have you haunted me for years. The feeling of your warmth suffocated me at night and our first kiss consumed all my senses.
That was the reason why I left. It doesn’t excuse a single thing, but I wanted to give you, my reason. There wasn’t a day that went by where I don’t think about your face that day – your heartbroken expression, the trembling in your voice when you begged me to stay, and the feeling of what could have been promised by your kiss. I wanted to give you the world, y/n – as a friend and as someone who loved you. Regretfully, I failed to keep the promises I made to you and myself. I promised myself to never hurt you, but I ended up hurting you the most. I promised myself to take care of you like no other, but I ended up pushing you away. I promised myself not to ruin our friendship, but I did. I am so sorry for the way everything turned out between us. I am the only one to blame. I am sorry for being a coward. I am sorry for not being able to love you in this life. If you still mean what you said, I hope to meet you in another life as well and I promise, I will love you with no reservation, with no fear, and with all of me. You will always be my person, y/n.
━━━☆
Changkyun walked to the reception to grab his things and leave. He congratulates Hoseok on the way before making his way to the exit. “Kyun!” He hears Jooheon call for him. “Where are you going? Did you talk to y/n?” Jooheon asks once he reached him.
“Yeah,” He answered somberly. “You were wrong Joo; it was a mistake coming here.” He watched his friend’s expression fall. “I should go.” Jooheon watches Changkyun leave to hail a cab before going to find you.
Changkyun gets in the backseat of the cab with a sigh. He presses his head on the side of the window as he recalls your face. He squeezed his eyes as your pained expression lingers in his head. He can’t ever do anything right. Why did he think it was going to be a good idea? You weren’t living in a fairytale. There is no happy ending. He ruined any chances of that a long time ago. It was naïve to believe there was any hope. He didn't deserve it; he didn't deserve you. Changkyun sinks himself further into the seat as he reminisces about the simpler days.
───────── ☾ • ☽ ──────────
“Pwetty pwease.” You begged executing the most puppy dog of eyes you could. Changkyun watched your expression in amusement, half wanting to make fun of you and the other half wanting to give in. “It’ll be fun, I promise!” You bargained with an empty promise.
It didn’t fool him at all. “What will I get if it’s no fun though?”
“Whatever you want!” You exclaimed desperate to get Changkyun to play pretend with you. Your answer made Changkyun smile and finally accept your request. He always puts up a fight whenever you asked him to play pretend, but he always ends up agreeing. “Yay! Okay let’s play a wedding game!”
Changkyun nearly choked on air at your suggestion. “What? Why would we play something like that?!”
It was your turn to be amused. “Why not? You’re not scared of cooties, are you?”
“Cooties are for babies.” He rolls his eyes.
“Great, let’s get ready for our wedding then.” You say before running off to grab your props. Changkyun stands there stunned and flushed. He already regrets agreeing to play pretend with you. He watched as you pull your grandmother towards Changkyun’s direction. “She will be the person that says the things. I don’t know what they’re called.”
“A wedding officiant.” Your grandmother advised you, but you didn’t care as you ran back into the house. “Are you excited to marry my granddaughter, Kyun?” Changkyun groans in embarrassment at your grandmother’s teasing.
“Chansoo! Just do it, for once.” You pulled Chansoo into the backyard with you. If Changkyun was embarrassed by your grandmother being a witness to this play pretend, he wanted to die now that Chansoo is involved.
Chansoo sees Changkyun’s expression and smirks. “It would be my pleasure to walk you down the aisle, y/n.” Yeah, he is never going to hear the end of this.
Your grandmother announces the bride’s arrival. Changkyun watches you walk with Chansoo towards him. Despite him dreading this, he found himself giving you a shy smile when you beamed at him. The “wedding” itself was boring in his opinion. Your grandmother was talking about how weddings work, and he didn’t really pay attention to that. Why would he anyway? “Now for the vows,”
‘Vows? What are vows?’ Changkyun thought. Luckily you decided to go first taking the lead as usual. “I promise that you will always be my number one person and that you can always count on me!” You promised to Changkyun making him smile.
You and your grandmother look at Changkyun for his turn. “Do I make a promise now?” You nod your head excitedly. “I promise that I will be your protector from anything and that you can always count on me too.”
“You can’t copy my promise, Kyun!” You pouted.
“I don’t know what else to promise.” Changkyun shrugs.
“That’s fine, Changkyun. I, now, pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride.” Your grandmother continues with the ceremony.
Changkyun refuses with indignation making you roll your eyes. “I knew it, you’re scared of cooties.”
“I am not!” He shouts.
“Then kiss me!” You were only teasing him. It was fun to make the stoic “mature” boy flustered. He began to sputter excuses making you laugh. “Fine, fine. Let’s just pinky promise to seal our promises.” Changkyun agrees and you lock pinkies. You close your eyes and smile. “I promise our friendship will never go extinct like the dinosaurs!”
Changkyun smiles at that and closes his eyes in turn. “I promise I’ll never leave your side.” That was the first promise you had made to each other, and you both intended to keep your promises. But that’s not how life goes, and promises are made to be broken.
━━━☆
“Stop staring at your girlfriend and concentrate!” His club mate scolded him since he was watching you walk away from dropping him off his clubroom.
“She’s not my girlfriend.” He grumbles in discontent but looks away, so he doesn’t get in trouble.
She rolls her eyes and smirks. “Yeah right, none of my friends would drop me off every single day at my club whether they’re a girl or boy. If you two aren’t together, you must like each other.”
“You must have shitty friends then.” Changkyun retorts earning a shove from her. He was used to this banter. Ever since you two were in kindergarten, your friends would find it weird how close the two of you were. Both of your families found it endearing so you never really cared. Chansoo gives Changkyun a hard time every now and then by teasing him about you and your “marriage”, but it never really phased him. If anything, the only reason why it annoyed Changkyun was he didn’t understand why there was a need to romanticise your relationship.
Because of your closeness, he knew you like the back of his hand. So, when you came into class the next morning sporting a plain band-aid on your knee, alarm bells went off in his head. You told him everything but instead of heading his way to tell him your “embarrassing” story of how you hurt yourself, you gave him a wave before sitting on your seat. “Trouble in paradise?” One of your classmates teased Changkyun making him roll his eyes.
You were unusually quiet for the rest of the day. Changkyun doesn’t know why he doesn’t just ask but he never had to before. You would always tell him anything and everything with no reservation. You were an open book, at least with him. Whatever was bothering you must have been something serious so he shouldn’t pry. You would tell him if you wanted him to know. That’s what he told himself but that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t try to make you feel better. “What’s this for?” You asked Changkyun as he hands you an unopened orange juice box after you drop him off to his club.
Changkyun’s heart felt lighter at your smile. “Compensation for dropping me off all the time.”
You laughed for the first time today. “No need, I’m more than happy to drop you off. It’s our time together after all.” That was the last thing you said before you stopped dropping him off at his club.
You gave him excuses upon excuses as to why you had to leave school as soon as possible but he saw right through it. He knew something was up when he ran into your grandmother on his way home dressed to the nines when she was supposed to be “bed-ridden with the cold” as you said. Changkyun had devised a plan to get you to spill your guts but that failed when you decided to lie once again but this time it was about your grades. You were failing Mathematics? He knows you average eighty-five at least. “You guys go ahead. I’ll wait for y/n.” Changkyun tells your friends as they reached the school gate. They didn’t even question it. They left him fake kissing each other before Eunkyung hit the back of their heads to knock it off. Changkyun chuckles and waits till they’re out of his vision before he retraces your steps.
He was rounding a corner when he saw your figure being crowded by a few familiar faces. He hid behind the wall out of instinct. “Didn’t your mother teach you some manners and say please?” He hears a girl crudely speak to you.
He was about to intervene when he heard your voice. “Didn’t yours?” It was the first time he ever heard you speak like that. As he continued to listen, he learns that they were giving you a hard time because of him. His eyebrows furrow in confusion. Is that why you didn’t tell him? Because he’s the reason why you’re going through hardship?
Changkyun hears footsteps fading away before he hears your voice. You were on the verge of tears and at moments like this, Changkyun was always there for you. He wants to be there for you, but he can’t. “Stop being pathetic, y/n. Changkyun can’t be there for you every single time.” He hears you scold yourself. “Grow up.” You said to yourself bitterly. You were right and you both knew it. So, Changkyun didn’t help you for the very first time in your friendship.
Changkyun noticed you wore your old school shoes the next day. He didn’t see what happened yesterday, but he assumed it had something to do with that. You had been wearing it for a week without any complaint. Whenever anyone brought it up you brushed it off with a lie. “Hey, Eunkyung.” Changkyun greets your mutual friend. “Give this to y/n, say it was yours.” He hands her second-hand school shoes. It was used but it was still in good condition.
Eunkyung looks at him confused. “First of all, where did you get this? And second, you give it to her.”
“I bought it from the shop, and she’ll find it weird if I give her girl shoes.” Changkyun shrugs.
Eunkyung looks at him with a smirk. “And they say romance is dead. Did you spend your allowance on these just because she’s been wearing her old shoes?” Changkyun mumbles a ‘yes’ avoiding her eyes. “It’s not that romantic if she thinks it’s from me. She won’t fall in love with you if she doesn’t know about the things you do for her.”
“Shut up and give it to her.” That made Eunkyung laugh and accept his request.
It was eating him alive watching you go through this. He didn’t know whether what he was doing was right or wrong. It started getting worse. Changkyun walked into school to see you sitting in front of an old desk filled with graffiti. You didn’t even look at him. Do you hate him now? Are you blaming him for this? Your eyes never left the front of the classroom for the entire morning. After the first period ended, he chased after your homeroom teacher in the hallway. “I need a new desk.” He pants as he enters the teacher’s lounge.
“Hello to you too, Changkyun.” Your homeroom teacher greets him. “There’s nothing wrong with your desk. Y/n’s desk on the other hand.”
“Are you going to fix it?” Changkyun cuts him off by stepping in front of him.
He looks at him with a smile. “Of course, I’ll have it fixed by lunch.”
“If you’re busy I can look for one.”
Mr. Lee raises his hand to stop his student. “It’s okay, I’ll take care of it. If this happens again though, I’d have to get y/n’s parents involved.” Mr. Lee watches Changkyun scrunch his face in confusion making him chuckle. “If y/n is getting bullied then her parents should know so we can take the necessary steps.”
“And what would that be?”
“Well, it depends on the parents. They might want to confront the kids and if so, they might get suspended but that could make matters worse, or they might want to transfer schools.” Changkyun’s stomach dropped. At his expression, Mr. Lee reassures. “Don’t worry, I’m sure everything will be okay. Y/n’s a good kid.” Changkyun nods agreeing before bidding him goodbye.
Like Mr. Lee had promised, your desk had been replaced. Changkyun watches your face relax for the first time that day. He didn’t know what to do. Should he step forward and admit that you were getting bullied and risk the chance of you moving away or does he continue what he’s doing and try as best as he can to minimise the damage? He sighs resting his head on his desk.
Changkyun decides to be your guardian angel as best as he can. He was the one that placed your gym shoes back after they had been stolen and hung up to mock you. He started sneaking in extra snacks once he noticed your lunch was getting stolen. It was all worth it if it meant that he made your days a little less crappy. He still questioned everyday if he should confront you or go behind your back and put an end to it, but he didn’t want to upset you any further. He contemplates what he should do usually at the break of dawn as he walks to school. The streets were quiet. He had overheard your bullies talk about doing something to your desk after school, so he decided to go to school early to assess the damage. He ate a granola bar on the way not wanting to have breakfast at home and wake his parents up. He entered the classroom and head straight towards your desk. It was stained with juice. He sighed before making his way to the janitor’s closet. He started scrubbing the desk as best as he could. If all else fails, then he’ll swap your desk with his and clean it throughout the day. This went on for a week or two before you caught him. He had woken up later than he was supposed to, so he was frantically trying to get everything cleaned when you came in. You ran into his arms and broke into tears. That’s when he knew he had made the wrong decision. He shouldn’t have kept his mouth shut. He shouldn’t have been satisfied with helping you in the background. He shouldn’t have been selfish or a coward. He’ll take care of you as he promised.
“Hyung, I need your help.” Changkyun begs as he enters his brother’s room.
Chansoo was laying on his bed tossing a football up in the air when he came in. “What do you want?”
“Y/n’s being bullied, and I don’t know how to deal with them.”
Chansoo sits up properly taking the subject seriously. “And why are you asking me of all people?”
“Well, you’re my biggest bully so who’s better to deal with a bully than someone who is one themselves.” Changkyun retorts sarcastically.
His answer doesn’t please his brother as he goes back to lie down again. “Alright, you’re on your own.”
“I’ll do whatever you want.” Changkyun negotiates.
Chansoo raises an eyebrow interested. “Really? Even join the football team with me?” Changkyun groans. He’s hated football since he was young when Chansoo constantly threw the ball at his face. It was also unnecessarily tiring. Why would anyone enjoy something that drains them? He doesn’t like sports; he hates any form of exercise, and he wouldn’t ever be caught dead engaging in any form whatsoever, but this was you they were talking about.
“Fine,” Chansoo beams. “What are you going to do?”
Chansoo gets up and ruffles his little brother’s hair. “Don’t you worry your dumb little head bro. Just worry about getting the girl.”
━━━☆
“Ayo, I’m Joohoney onehunnid.” The new kid introduces himself, making the entire class laugh. Changkyun smirks amused while your face scrunches up in annoyance. “I’m kidding, I’m Jooheon. Nice to meet you.” He goes to his seat greeting his fellow classmates with confidence.
As he passes the two of you, he meets your gaze and salutes you. You scoff finding him obnoxious. “I already hate him.” You whisper to Changkyun.
“He seems fun. Do you hate fun, y/n?” Changkyun teases.
“Yeah, that’s why I’m friends with you.” You stuck your tongue out at him.
Jooheon became a hit in your year. Whether or not you like him, you knew him – was a common line whenever Jooheon was brought up and it was true. Most of the girls shared the same opinion as you and steered clear of him but the boys loved him. They found him funny and cool. Unfortunately for you, Changkyun was one of those people. As time went on, Jooheon had become the closest person to him – excluding you, of course. It was nice for him to finally have a close male friend that wasn’t older than him or related to him. However, due to their closeness, Jooheon was constantly in his ears about you.
“Yo, tell your girlfriend to stop glaring at me whenever I open my mouth.” Jooheon nudges Changkyun as they look your way. Sure enough, you were glaring at him, but your eyes softened when they shifted to Changkyun.
“Don’t say something that’ll make her glare at you then.” Changkyun chuckles giving you a dimpled smile. “And I already told you, she’s not girlfriend.”
Jooheon looks at Changkyun like he had just told him his cat died. “Bro, when I say ‘hi’ she just gives me that look.” Changkyun chuckles knowing it’s true. “And I guess she’s more like your crush then since you two aren’t officially together – you guys might as well be though.”
He has heard this so many times, if he had a penny for every single time he heard it, he would be rich. But when there’s smoke there must be fire, right? He’s not oblivious. He noticed that you two are closer than normal friends. He knows that you both would go the extra mile for each other and treat the other like no other. But you've known each other since you were little and at this point you are like family to each other and that explains your closeness. That’s what you always told people so what would compel Changkyun to entertain the idea, in the first place? Changkyun never really thought about you in any other way. He understands where everyone is coming from; he can see where they’re coming from.
Even when he did try to test the waters to see what it would be like; you wouldn’t give him anything to go by or he couldn’t bring himself to see you that way. You simply brushed it off like it was nothing because to you it was. Changkyun watches as you don’t even bat an eye at his “confession”. He thinks he could like like you, but you wave it off as nothing clearly shows you don’t entertain the idea. You’re unwavering when he looks you in the eyes and tells you, you're the prettiest girl in the world knowing he genuinely means it, clearly shows that you don’t hold meaning to his words. You being able to look him in the eye and tease him for it clearly shows that to you, it’s not even a possibility. He was fine with that; again, he didn’t see why he had to think of you any other way.
━━━☆
He swears he never thought about you that way. He always thought of the world of you; you were a delicate flower growing despite the harsh environments surrounding it. He admired your strength and heart. That was all it was. He swears as he watches you in your peaceful slumber. Your head on his shoulder causing your hair to fall over your face. He lightly brushes it away and you twitch in your sleep. He pauses, his hand hovering over your cheek. You hum and nestle your cheek against his hand prompting them open. A small smile plays on your lips as if you know his touch even in your sleep. He swears he never thought about you that way. But how can he not think about the way you searched for his touch? How can he not think about the way your hand squeezed his searching for his presence? How can he not think about the happiness evident on your face once you find him? How can he stop thinking about you that way once he started? Every single smile, every single touch, every single look was no longer the same for him.
You were the same. The same unwavering spirit he always admired. You looked, smiled, and treated him the same. It was only different for him. He swears he’s okay with that. If you are in his life, as long as he’s in your presence, he’s happy. He’s happy he gets to hear your thoughts, he’s satisfied to hear you laugh at his jokes, he’s complete if he gets to be there for you when you need him. He swears he’s okay with it. Ignoring the ominous feeling in the back of his mind when he saw you kept Hoseok a secret. Ignoring the way his stomach dropped when you finally told him you liked Hoseok. The feeling he had when you liked Jooheon resurfaced but this time he understood why.
“It’s scary liking someone, you know?” You asked rhetorically, Changkyun knew that. He knows you didn’t think he would be capable of knowing. But he does. He knows all too well. The despair of watching someone you like fawn over someone else. The helplessness you feel when the person doesn’t seem to catch the hints you’re giving. The ugliness brewing inside you in jealousy and contempt. He tries to feign disinterest as much as he can.
But sometimes, it was hard to not let jealousy rear its ugly head; especially when he sees you and Hoseok talking dangerously close about a presumptuous topic that could lead to it. He hated himself for it. The look on your face was enough for him to want to run the other way to give you your privacy back. He didn’t like that side of himself. That’s why he stupidly does nothing after you told him you were going to confess your feelings. What could he do? He couldn’t be selfish with you; he had no right. That’s what he told himself. That’s what he promised himself.
All of his resolve went out the window upon seeing your heartbreak. It was like looking at himself in the mirror. He just wanted to take the pain away for the both of you. He had played it safe for all his life and, for once, he took the risk. He leans forward and meets your lips. It was a rollercoaster of emotions. Anger washed through him as he felt your tears fall against his cheeks. He wanted to pull away, realising he had made a terrible mistake. This was not the right time. As he thinks to move away, your hands reach for his collar grasping it tightly as you kiss him back. His heart soared at the feeling of your kiss. His mind filtering through millions of questions at what this could mean for the two of you. His words left him before he could stop and think about the repercussions of what he was saying. “A kiss may just be a kiss, y/n. But your first should be special; it should be with someone who loves you and cares about you. It shouldn’t just be some guy. If it has to be anyone, it should be me.” He finally lets his selfishness get the better of him as he confesses his feelings to you.
━━━☆
He was a fool. The kiss meant nothing. It changed nothing. When you finally parted, you ran off excusing it as “student council duties”. You avoided him for a couple of days, making him regret his greediness. He had ruined your friendship for a moment of what if. Eventually, you couldn’t avoid each other, and it was awkward. You were visibly uncomfortable, and it broke his heart. So, he pretended it was nothing. He forced a joke and you laughed; genuinely laughed. He watches your face brighten and your shoulders relax. That was the day he accepted his fate. If he had known there was no possibility of you two happening, he wouldn’t have kissed you. If this was all he could be for you; a best friend, a jokester, a confidant, a supporter; then that’s all he will be.
Changkyun had to find a new strength, he didn’t know he had. The love he has for you to be pushed to the back of his mind; replaced with being the best friend you deserved. He ignores the flutters in his stomach as you smile up at him. He distances himself when the thoughts of you suffocate him, which was often since you were always on his mind. Everything about you consumed all of his senses. The way you light up every room you walked into. The way you softly say his name to catch his attention. The way you touch him; light as a feather as if you didn't want to leave a mark on him. But it did. It left trails of sparks from where you had touch him. So much so, he insists that he can feel the ghost of your touch just by looking at it. Every day was a battle to not cross the line again; to not answer his what ifs; to not risk losing you. The days felt long but once they passed, they blurred into one.
It was your senior year, the final chapter of high school. Changkyun helped you run for president; not that he needed to. You won by a landslide. You had cemented the position even before you started your campaign. Gaining respect, admiration, and popularity throughout the years as treasurer. “What do you think of an ‘under the sea’ theme?” Changkyun scrunches his face causing you to laugh. “Yeah, I thought so too.” You sigh running your hand through your hair. Changkyun watches you unwillingly. A wave of adoration floods through him as he takes in the way your hair fell perfectly to frame your face. How can you look so beautiful even when you're visibly tired? It wasn't fair on anyone.
“Shouldn't the social committee be doing this?” Changkyun points out as he rocks your desk chair back and forth.
“The student council needs to approve it. I'm just going through their ideas.” You show the papers in your hand. You were sitting cross-legged on your bed with a sea of paperwork surrounding you.
“The more important question is, who’s going to be your date for the dance?” Jooheon asks walking into to your room after helping himself to your homemade chocolate chips cookies.
Your attention was back to the paperwork in front of you. “Changkyun and I are obviously going together.” You answer offhandedly.
Changkyun’s emotion betrays him as a look of shock flashes through his normally stoic façade. Jooheon takes notice and chuckles, “Does Changkyun know about that?” You raise your head to look across the room at Changkyun.
Your eyes innocent as you analyse his expression. Embarrassment washed over you as you realise your brazenness. “I'm sorry, I don't know why I just assumed that.” You tuck the loose hair behind your ear. “You must have wanted to ask someone else. Don't worry about what I said.”
Changkyun gets up and takes a cookie from Jooheon’s hand. “Hey!”
He walks up to you and offers you the cookie. “There's no one else I would think about but you.” He looks down at you analysing your expression. The sheepish smile on your face as you take the cookie. Did his words get through to you? Is the idea of going together to a dance mean anything more to you? Or is it just second nature to you? A logical assumption based on previous statistics.
━━━☆
Changkyun shifts from one foot to another. He has been to your house more times than he can count. It was a second home to him. But as he stood by the front door in a suit he’s never worn before, he felt like a stranger. You shared everything with him but in the weeks leading up to the dance, you kept him in the dark. He thought you would take him dress shopping like you normally do but you went with your girl friends instead. Only telling him what coloured dress you got so he could match if he wanted. “Time has flown by so fast.” Your grandmother sighs dreamily. “I still remember when you two were just this tall.” She holds her hand out by her hip. “I still remember the two of hating each other.” Changkyun and your grandmother chuckles fondly at the memory. “But now, you’re thick as thieves; partners in crime.” That was the perfect description of yours and his relationship. Two sides of the same coin. Each other’s confidant and right-hand man. Not the love interest; not even star-crossed lovers. The sound of heels clicking on the hardwood floors cuts his conversation short. You appear at your grandmother’s line of vision first. Her gasp causing Changkyun’s heart to race. She places her hand over her heart and her eyes glossing over with happiness. He clasps his hand in front of himself to ground himself. Your grandmother starts recording through her camcorder when you finally appear in Changkyun’s site.
He inhales sharply like he had the wind knocked out of him. You smile down at him softly. Your eyes bright and sparkling complimented by the makeup you put on. Your hair parted on one side; perfectly framed and flowing. One hand uses the handrail to descend the steps gracefully and the other lifting the front of the dress enough for your matching heels to peek through. You reach him letting go off your dress. “What do you think?” You ask giving him a slow twirl. Changkyun feels his knees buckle. His mind imagining the beautiful midnight blue dress into white. You look at him expectantly; none the wiser of what he truly thinks of you.
“Beautiful,” He breathes. He hears your grandmother chuckle causing his ears to turn red. “You look beautiful.”
You smile widens. “I think you look beautiful too.” It was his turn to chuckle. He rolls his eyes making you reach out and give him a light shove. “I mean it.”
“Let's take a photo before you two head out.” Your grandmother breaks the silence. You move naturally to Changkyun’s side. He instinctively placed a light hand on your back. “Okay, you two, big smiles!” You grinned from ear to ear while he offered a small smile. The flash goes off and your smile relaxes. “One more! Be closer, you guys aren't strangers.” You wrapped your arms around Changkyun waist. His arm around you moved to your shoulder wrapping you in a hug. You nuzzle your head into your chest which breaks his cool nature. His smile growing wider as your giddiness rubs off on him. Feeling his happiness, you look up at him. He takes notices and looks back at you. He sees affection in your eyes. Changkyun won't fool himself to think it’s love in your eyes. You look up at him sentimentally; of adoration; reminiscent of who the kid he used to be. A flash breaks Changkyun out of his thoughts. “Beautiful!” Your grandmother commented looking at the photo. “You two should go or you'll be late.” At her reminder, you pick up your dress and give her a hug. Your already at the door when Changkyun gives her a hug before leaving as well. “Enjoy yourselves, okay?”
He smiles. “I'll get her home safe.” Changkyun opens the door for you and offers his hand to help you out. You take it naturally waving goodbye to your grandmother as he ignores the warmth flooding through him from your touch. He opens the car door for you and helps you in before getting in the driver's seat. “You excited?” He asks turning on the engine.
You hum patting your dress down. You think you look ridiculous. Your dress too big and flashy for a student council president. But your grandmother insisted – this would be your last dance in high school after all. “Yeah, I am. I can't wait to see everyone’s reaction to the auditorium.” He chuckles. Of course, you weren't thinking about yourself. “What about you?”
He ponders for a second before shrugging. “This isn't really my type of thing. But if you're happy, I'm happy.” You smile and reach for his hand to hold. Changkyun’s smile falters as he lifts his hand to grip the steering wheel. He stops himself from looking at you when he sees you keep your hand to yourself and visibly shift away. He clenches his jaw knowing he hurt you. But the alternative hurts too much. He's constantly stuck between a rock and a hard place. If he loses himself in you, it only serves as a painful reminder of what he could never have. If he pulls away and sets a clear line between you, he sees your heart breaking. Your happiness is his happiness. Your pain is his pain. There's no winning. The drive to school was in silence; only the songs on the radio occupying the space. Changkyun gets out of the car and opens the door for you. He offers his hand to help you out, but you don't take it. You give him a tight-lipped smile and avoid his eyes. That's fair. You used the car door to step out.
Once your feet touch the ground, committee members rush to you. “Pres, there's an issue with the audio.” Your smile drops from the bad news.
“You look amazing, by the way!” Another member offers before hurrying you.
You pick up your dress about to leave when you remember Changkyun. “I’m sorry!” He waves you off with a smile. “I’ll see you in there!” Once the gym doors shut, Changkyun sighs. It's going to be a long night; he thinks as he rests his head against his car.
As he was about to get out of his car after parking it in the parking lot, his phone rings. He stops and stares at the unfamiliar number on his screen. “Hello?” He answers hesitantly.
━━━☆
“There you are!” Changkyun flinches at Jooheon showing up at his side out of nowhere. “We’ve been wondering where you are.” He taps on the car window, but Changkyun gets out instead. “We thought you decided you were too cool for this and bailed.”
“We?”
“Y/n,” Changkyun nods numbly as he realises the sun has set. He didn't realise how long it had been since he took that call; too many things he needed to think about to care. “You, okay?” Jooheon grips his shoulder to snap him out of it.
“Yeah,” Changkyun answers dazedly. Jooheon can clearly see he was lying but he knew better than to push. Changkyun is never the type to succumb to peer pressure and will only revert further in his shell when pushed. The two walk back to the auditorium in silence.
As they neared, music thumped against the walls. The dance was informal – the door was open, and some students were outside the building having their own private conversations. Jooheon leaves Changkyun’s side the second they enter the room. Changkyun didn’t mind and made his way to the food and beverage table. He helped himself as he contemplated the offer – as if he hadn’t been doing that the past couple of hours. He feels hands on his waist before he hears your honeyed voice. “There you are!” Changkyun had a sense of déjà vu as he turned around to your playful grin. Your cheeks were flushed, and your hair was messier than when he last saw you. He was relieved his disappearance didn’t ruin your night. But the ugly side of him was disheartened at the same time. “Where were you?”
“My dad called.” He lied knowing you knew his dad was overseas and couldn’t reach out often. You believed him easily. “How much did I miss?”
“Not much, we’ve just been dancing. You came just in time, they’re about to announce the homecoming royals.” Changkyun groans as you take his hand and lead him towards the crowded dance floor. The music soon cuts off as the social committee president appears on the little makeshift stage. Changkyun doesn’t listen to the president harp on until he hears your name. A spotlight shines on your figure effectively casting him in your shadow. He watches your figure as you make your way to the stage. Your beautiful gown sparkling under the light; your smile outshining everything else. His jaw clenches when he sees Rowoon offers his hand; a sash and crown adorned on him. You take it graciously and stand on stage for the social committee members to place a tiara on your head and a bouquet of flowers in your arms.
The host asks Rowoon to say a few words before you. As he steps up to the microphone, squeals echo through the room. “I am so touched you all voted for me; it’s a big honour. I usually wouldn’t be able to accept this but with the very own Council President by my side, I feel relieved.” Changkyun rolls his eyes at the corniness. The two shared a smile before he continued. Were the two of you close? When did that happen?
“Be careful,” Jooheon warns out of nowhere causing Changkyun to flinch. “Don’t let his fans see your distaste.”
“When did they get so close?” Changkyun asks as you make your own speech mentioning Rowoon as well.
“Hm, I don’t know. I guess through her student council duties and since he’s the president of the theater club they talk through there.” Jooheon shrugs. Of course, he wouldn’t pay attention to such details. “I’ve seen them together sometimes; having lunch, running errands, walking around. You were off somewhere else every time, so I didn’t get to ask you about it.” Oh. That’s right. Changkyun realises the true weight of the distance he placed between you two. Since he is no longer by your side twenty-four-seven, he misses out on things about you; trivial or not.
The crowd parts to make a circle in the middle of the dance floor. He watches you hand-in-hand with Rowoon as he takes you out on the dance floor. He sees you whispering to each other with coy smiles on your face as you face each other. “I hate to admit it, they look good together.” Changkyun hears a girl comment behind him.
“What do you expect? They’re both good-looking, popular, and cheerful people.” Her friend agrees bitterly. Changkyun watches you dance around the room like he was in a trance. All he could see was your smile lighting up the entire room but he’s still in darkness. All he could hear was yours and everyone’s laughing at a joke he didn’t hear about. He is the one that placed the wall between you. He cannot be angry or upset if you’re no longer standing on the other side of it. This was what he wanted after all.
━━━☆
The boys watched you key a song in when a classmate approached you. Everyone knew Soonyoung as he is a close friend of Jooheon. The boys watch you laugh at what the boy was saying. “She’s changed a lot.” Hyungwon says turning his attention back to his cold fries.
“Yeah, she has.” Changkyun says with a melancholic smile.
Everyone at the table noticed Changkyun’s mood. He has always been quiet and standoffish, but this was different. They could see the longing in his eyes whenever he looked at you. He always looked at you softly and affectionately but this time there was sadness in it too. “What’s going on Changkyun?” Hoseok asked the question everyone was thinking.
“I’m going to the U.S. for university.” The air in the room shifted, at least only to the guys at the table.
“Well, congratulations!” Kihyun offers. They’re happy for him of course but it is a shock. Their first thought automatically goes to you. They would never expect Changkyun to move overseas especially since it’s been established that you’re staying in Seoul.
“When did this happen?” Jooheon asks trying to piece together Changkyun’s train of thought.
“During the formal, I got a call – an offer to study in the U.S. from my dad. I had a lot of time to think about it and I’ve decided to go.”
After knowing he has thought it through, Hyunwoo breaks into a smile. “Well, that’s awesome.” He pats him in the back. “It will be a cool adventure.”
“And challenge.” Minhyuk points out getting a kick in the shin from Hoseok from under the table. “Ow!” He jumps. “What? It is?”
“Y/n’s always said she wanted to visit New York. Now she has a good excuse to.” Hyungwon offers to lighten up the mood.
“Y/n doesn’t know.” He answers their unspoken question. “I don’t want her to know.” He says with conviction. The air heavies as conflict and worry looms over the table.
“Changkyun –” Jooheon starts to argue but you walk over. Everyone stiffens at your presence.
Your smile only darkens their thoughts further. “Come on, let’s dance.” You take Changkyun’s hand without any answer and lead him to the dance floor. His smile doesn’t reach his eyes as he allows you to use his hands to wave around. “I regret not letting go like this with you at our formal.” You giggled and he could offer a nod in response. As the song ends, a slow piano begins to play. The melody light but the mood is more romantic. Everyone slows their pace and pairs up. You look up at him bashfully. How could you still be shy with him even after thirteen years? He offers his hand, and you take it as the singer starts to sing.
Time after time, I tell myself that I'm so lucky to be loving you.
“I regret not dancing with you at our formal.” You confessed. His heart ached at the missed opportunity. His ugly side getting the better of him once again as he left not be able to withstand watching you dance with someone else. But that night, he accepted his feelings. He could no longer ignore the fact that he was not a person deserving to be by your side. That night, he accepted the reality. No more false pretenses. He could no longer be in your life.
I only know what I know. The passing years will show, you've kept my love so young; so new.
━━━☆
“I’m sorry, Kyun.” He hears Hoseok’s sadness on the other line. “I couldn’t not tell her. She loves you more than anyone in the world.” He wanted to scoff. He wanted to deny it and argue but the words didn’t come out. Changkyun tells him it’s okay even though they both know it wasn’t. “Have a safe flight, keep in touch.” Changkyun bids him goodbye as he hears his name being shouted from across the room.
He turns and sees your angry expression first. He hated how beautiful he thought you looked even in your disheveled state. He hated how endearing he found you in your fluffy heart pajamas. As you make your way towards him, he sensed his impending doom. You pushed him with all your might, and he lets you. “You idiot!” You screamed with tears building. Changkyun doesn’t care about the stares. All he could think about is you. “Why didn’t you tell me?” His heart ached. If I did, I wouldn’t be able to go through with it. “Why did you act like nothing was happening?” If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be able to hold back anymore. “Why did you make me think you were only going to be a couple of hours away?” If I didn’t, you wouldn’t be okay. “Why?” Your last cry shot straight through his heart.
He grabbed your arms, and your tears fell as if you were waiting for your anchor to let go. He’s known you all his life. He always had the idea that he had to take care of you; that he couldn’t leave you on your own, that you needed him. But that wasn’t true. You are just fine without him. He was the one that needed you, but he knows he shouldn’t. He is the one that couldn’t be without you, but he knows that he has to. “I’m sorry.” Is all he could give you without weakening his already broken resolve. Overwhelmed with emotions, you kissed him. It was your last plead. He wished he pulled you closer, searing the memory of you into his mind. But he didn’t and your memory faded.
───────── ☾ • ☽ ──────────
It had been a week since you last saw Changkyun. It had been a week since you last spoke to anyone. It had been a week since you left your bed. You gave up rejecting calls from Jooheon; opting to let your phone die. You locked yourself in your room; ignoring Minhyuk and Hyungwon even when they came to visit you. Only ever leaving your room when you hear the door shut after Jaebum tells you he’s leaving. You already felt awful, but you felt worse for ignoring everyone. But you knew what they would say, more like what they would ask. What happened with Changkyun? What does it mean? Has this changed anything? You don’t have answers to their questions and the ones you do have, you weren’t ready to share. Your head turns towards the stack of paper by your bedside. The ink faded through time, the paper crinkled through the handling, blotches of tears stained across the letters. You have read his letters over and over since he gave them to you. It was all too much to get your head around. What were supposed to do with this new information? What did you want to do with it?
Your head turns towards your door, and you hear your knob rattle. A shadow cast against the crack beneath the door. Their whispers muffled as they argued with each other. It must be Minhyuk and Hyungwon again. You sigh and turn over, bringing your blanket to cover you. They will leave soon. That’s what you thought when you suddenly heard your door bust open. “It worked!” Minhyuk’s cheery voice boomed through your quiet room. You cringe not wanting to face them. “It smells!” You roll your eyes at Minhyuk’s teasing.
“Then, get out.” You retort flatly.
“She’s alive.” Hyungwon says calmly with a hint of sarcasm. You feel your bed dip behind you. “How long are you going to be like this for?”
“Hyungwon, she deserves to feel the way she does.” You hear Kihyun’s voice in front of you before you see light from your window shine through your blanket. Of course, he would open your blinds.
“Yes, of course but maybe she should at least move on to the next stage of dealing with it.” Hyunwoo’s deep and logical voice reasons by your feet.
Your curiosity gets the better of you and you peak your head outside your blanket. “Jesus, how many of you are in my room?” You see five pairs of eyes already looking at you. Kihyun was leaning on your desk which was against the window of your room. Hyunwoo was at the foot of your bed with his arms crossed and Jooheon stood next to him with bags under his eyes. Your heart tugs at the sight. Were you the cause for that? Hyungwon was lying on top of your blankets while Minhyuk stands next to him by your bedside drawer. You shot up and reached for the letters opened for anyone to see. Minhyuk had surely seen some of it, but you still held the letters close to your chest. Tears pricked your eyes as you felt pathetic with their pitiful eyes looking down at you.
Jooheon gets on your bed and hugs your head. “It’s okay, you can cry. I’m here.” A tear falls from his comfort. You see the light go darker as Kihyun and Hyunwoo join the hug. “We’re here for you.” You thought you had already cried to last a lifetime, but the flood gates broke through like it was a dam. You feel their hug become heavier when Hyungwon and Minhyuk join. Your crying turns into sobbing as you feel their love and care. The guilt you felt only amplifying.
You cried for what felt like hours; wrapped up in Jooheon’s arms while Hyunwoo rubs your back and Kihyun hands you tissue to blow your nose. Hyungwon holds the bin for you to throw away your used tissues and Minhyuk offers comments to make you crack a smile. “I don’t know what to do.” You sigh sitting up. The boys give you their undivided attention prompting you to confide in them. You tell them what happened at the wedding and how seeing him and speaking to him felt like a shot in the heart. How the hurt you felt throughout the years hit you at once. “He loved me?” You cried exasperatedly. “All this time?” It wasn’t a shock that tears flooded back as you recounted the moment. The silence around you piques your attention. You wipe the tears away and see their body language change. Hyunwoo gave you a tight-lipped smile, Minhyuk avoided your eyes, and Jooheon was clenching his jaw. “What?” They share a look between themselves as if you couldn’t see it. You roll your eyes. “Just tell me.”
“Y/n, the only one who didn’t know he was in love with you was you.” Hyungwon carefully explained.
You tilt your head in confusion, so Kihyun adds. “Y/n, everyone saw the way he looked at you.”
“And everyone saw that you didn’t look at him the same way.” Minhyuk tells you the truth you asked for. “And that’s perfectly fine!” He adds to reassure you. “No one expects you to feel the same way or give him a chance; that’s your right to feel however you feel but…” Minhyuk looks over at the others for back up.
“But we also understood, how painful it would be on his end; to love someone wholeheartedly and never ask for anything in return.” Jooheon lands the final blow. The boys sit in silence as they watch you process this newfound information. Tears prickled your eyes in frustration. How could everyone know but not you? How come no one said anything? Well, that's not true. Everyone always assumed you two were a couple; that had to count for something. Upset by the what ifs flooding through your eyes, you squeezed your eyes and wipe your face. “I'm sorry, y/n. We should have told you.”
“No, it's not your fault. It's mine; I should have said something.”
“Well, Changkyun didn't say anything either.” Minhyuk assures you.
You give him a weak smile. He's right. You both were the only ones responsible for the hurt the other experienced. “So, what happens now?” Hyunwoo asked.
“I don't know.”
“What were you trying to achieve sending him those letters?” Kihyun frames the question differently hoping to unlock clarity in you.
You sigh. “I wanted closure; to move on. I didn't expect him to reply. I definitely didn't expect him to say he felt the same way.”
“So, what are you doing to do about it?” Hyungwon asks causing you to stifle a laugh.
“What is there to do? That was in the past; he had feelings for me. I am just grieving what could have been – which is useless I know, but I need to feel all of this.”
“What if it wasn't?” You furrow your brows at Jooheon’s question. “In the past, I mean.”
You finally let out a laugh. “How could he have feelings for me? We haven't seen or spoken in years.”
“You really don't understand how much he loves you.” You become irritated at their constant highlight of how much he feels for you and how ignorant you are of it.
You get up out of bed for the first time of the day feeling suffocated. “Of course, I don’t know! He chose not to tell me anything. He was the one that decided to leave without a word. I may have been a fool for not seeing what you all see but he was the one that also decided not to tell me. You all decided to not tell me.”
Jooheon gets up and rubs your arms to calm you down. “You're right, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it as a jab or anything. I just mean maybe you will know what to do if you talk to him; honestly and without holding anything back?”
━━━☆
Jooheon was right. The boys knew that. You knew that. But you were not in the right frame of mind to do the right thing. Of course not. That's why you're pumping your arms aimlessly as you lose yourself in the music and alcohol. The boys were against the idea but promised to support you in any way you needed. Of course. That's why they're standing aside watching you with barely any alcohol in their system. It was the first time you left your house, the first time you dressed up, the first time you smiled in a long time. It was a baseless happiness; temporary and shallow. But that's what you needed right now.
At least, that's what you thought. You weren't ready for a conversation; to face the music; to experience another heartbreak. So why are you standing in front of a door you haven’t stood in front of since senior year of high school? Of course, you kept in touch with his parents. Checking in on each other on birthdays and holidays via online messages and the annual call. You haven't been home since you left for college – your parents didn't care enough to have you visit and since your grandmother passed away there was no reason for you to. His parents invited you multiple times for the holidays and you always gave them an excuse; plans with your friends, interning for the summer – they were all true, but you could work in a visit if you really wanted. But how could you go and be reminded of the memories you shared with him and his family? How could sit at the table and talk to his parents without any underlying tension on what happened between you and his son? And you were sure they would tell you what he has been up to in America. Living the high life easily without you. Or worse, run the risk of seeing him after years of radio silence.
All of your worries and hesitations quashed thanks to the influence of the alcohol in your system. How many did you have to drink? The night was a blur. You were too determined to forget the night, you completely lost yourself. All you could remember is the burning of your throat as you force down the shots at the start of the night and the multiple incidents of throwing up on your way to his house. You remember flashes of you dancing despite the soreness in your arms and neck. Laughing and talking to people you can't even picture. Everything was going well. You were forgetting your troubles and dancing the night away. You were doing well to numb everything when a familiar tune starts playing. Your movement stops as nostalgia hits you. It was a song you were obsessed with at one point in time. It was the first song Changkyun had played through his window to drown out the fight your parents were having. It was the song you had danced with him more times you could count. Your thoughts drift back to the bar. The alcohol in your system wearing off from the flood of emotions. You were stumbling on your way to the bar when you looked back at the boys. It was only one second; a moment of distraction before their attention falls back on you; an opportunity to slip away. Despite your fogginess, you maneuver yourself to hide in the crowd as you make your way to the exit. You hurry to hail a cab before they can stop you.
It was a forty-five-minute drive. Forty-five minutes to change your mind. Forty-five minutes to regain clarity. The purging of the alcohol in your system helped you sober up quicker but by the fifth request to pullover, the driver didn’t want to take you any further. It was a fifteen-minute walk. By that point, you were completely sober. The alcohol flushed out of your system. The night breeze refreshing your sweaty skin. Your legs were on autopilot as you walked the streets you’ve walked for the most part of your life. The houses looked smaller than you remember, the street shorter. Fifteen minutes flew by and here you stood. All of the houses dark; the streets quiet given the time of night. What were you doing? Tears pricked your eyes as it finally sinks in. How could you bring yourself to confront him after all this time? You move to step back when the door rips open. Changkyun in the middle of putting his jacket on when he sees you. His hair sticking up in the same peculiar ways it used to when he wakes up from slumber. Like always, Changkyun shows up right in front of you right when you need him. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Your voice soft and broken as the tears slip down your face. Like always, he reaches for you. But this time, he stops himself. His hands hovering over your skin unsure and hesitating. “How could you have not known? How could I have not known?” Your question hurts the both of you; acknowledges the blame is on the both of you.
“I’m sorry,” Your tears stop at the sound of Changkyun’s voice breaking. In your years of knowing him, you had never seen him cry or lose his temper. The unwavering land to your swirling ocean. For the first time, you see distress on his face. You notice the eye bags under his eyes. His unkempt hair sticking out not like he was rolling around in his bed but from pulling it with his fingers. “I wish I did things differently. I wish I did everything differently.” He doesn’t answer your question; he doesn’t need to. The questions you both had for each other were answered in your own respective letters. You were both young, naïve, and insecure. You both placed each other on pedestals; believing one didn’t deserve the other. You both convinced yourself it was one-sided instead of confirming the truth for the fear of permanently losing the other. You both knew if the feeling wasn’t reciprocated, you would have to let them go and move on with your life without them in your heart.
“What would you do now?” Fear seeps into your heart as you asked the question you didn’t have the courage to ask when you were younger.
“Y/n,” He says softly.
He reaches out to touch you. Your stomach drops as you feel your cheeks heat up in embarrassment. Of course, time changes things. Distance doesn’t let the heart grow fonder. His love for you was years ago. Before, he separated himself from you. Before, he met different people. Before, he became a completely new person that you didn't know anything about. Everyone else had moved on. Hoseok got married. Jooheon has a growing social circle. Changkyun is not the same boy you knew. You were the only fool living in the past. You pull away from his touch like he burned you. “No, it’s okay. That’s a stupid question. Forget it. I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m here.”
You turn to leave; to run away but Changkyun spins you around. He cages you in between his arms. His warmth enveloping you. His touch littering goosebumps across your exposed skin. You look up wide-eyed into his sharp eyes. “Even without loving you, you are and will always be my greatest love, y/n.” Your bottom lip quivers overwhelmed with the rush of emotions you’re going through. He takes the hand on his chest and rubs his thumb across your palm; a habit he used to do to soothe you. “I could never lose the love I have for you in my heart. Believe me, I tried. I thought time apart from you would help me move on and forget about you. But there was not a single day where my feelings for you weakened.” You blink to let your tears fall so you can see him clearly; take all of him in. It has been too long since you’ve gone without seeing his face; hearing his voice; feeling his touch. “When I got your letters; when I read how you felt about me, I foolishly thought I might have a chance to right my wrongs. I thought there was a possibility for us to be together. If you tell me, you’re willing to give us a chance despite the hurt I caused you; I would take it in a heartbeat.”
When you wrote the letters to Changkyun, you did it to move on with your life; to close that chapter of your life. Not once did you ever consider that he felt the same way – that he still feels the same way. When you showed up to his door, you hadn’t thought about what you wanted to get out of it. You wanted to yell at him and tell him just how much he hurt you again. You wanted to cry into his arms and beg for answers you already knew the answer to. Your intentions weren’t to love and be loved. Not once did you consider reconciliation – much less a relationship. But maybe things between you two were meant to fall apart in order for the pieces to fall exactly where they needed to be. “Promise me something.”
“Anything and everything.”
“Promise me, you won’t hold anything back this time.”
“I promise.” Changkyun kisses your knuckle endearingly. Your heart starts beating hard in your chest you could feel it vibrating your entire body.
“Promise me, we’ll make up for the lost time.”
“I promise. We’ll take it slow. We’ll start fresh.” He kisses your tear-stained cheek making you smile.
“Promise me, you won’t break my heart again.”
“I promise.” It was your turn to initiate a kiss. You lean forward brushing noses before you meet his lips. He reciprocates your kisses slowly and gently. His hands cup your cheeks and your fingers run through his long dark hair. You felt like you were fifteen years old again. Standing by the bonfire and kissing your best friend for the first time. This is your second chance; a second beginning. This time you won’t run away. This time you will take a chance on love. This time you will love him without any reservation.
[a/n] the epilogue is finally out! only took fifty years - i'm sorry to anyone who anticipated this when the series first came out. i hope you enjoy the final instalment of this series. thank you for reading my work, i really appreciate it <3
꒰ m.list ➭ before ꒱
#monsta x fluff#changkyun fluff#monsta x#changkyun#changkyun angst#monsta x angst#i.m#i.m fluff#i.m angst#monsta x oneshot#changkyun oneshot#i.m oneshot#d.writes#x
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hi all, i would like to start writing again and getting over my writers block..
would you rather read some drabble, longer stories or text messages?
it could be ANYONE (doesn’t have to be MX etc.) you like.. i just want to start writing again :)
so.. my requests are open!
#drabbles#monsta x#bts#supernatural#chris evans#sebastian stan#bucky barns#steve rogers#spider-man#simon riley#imagines#monsta x drabble#taehyung#wonho#changkyun smut#changkyun angst#bucky x reader#bucky smut#simon riley x reader
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Page 210
You woke up when the doorbell sounded off in your dreams. The sun wasn’t up and your alarm hadn’t gone off so for a minute you were confused. You trudged through the house to the front door. “Who is it?”
“_____, it’s me. Changkyun.” His voice was gruff, as if he’d downed too many strong drinks. You weren’t surprised he was at your door. He often came to you after drinking and partying with his friends. You let him in and he immediately pulled you into his arms. “I miss you.”
He always did. Though your relationship was short-lived, you swore to remain friends no matter what. A decision you’d come to regret. It hurt to see him like this, even more to hold him and pretend you didn’t feel anything more than platonic love.
#monsta x drabble#monsta x angst#changkyun angst#i.m angst#monsta x scenarios#monsta x imagines#changkyun x reader#changkyun x you#i.m x reader#i.m x you
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➷Craving You➷
hey guys, I am back with another Shownu writing. He is finally out and I'm so so so happy!!
Hope you guys like this and lemme know what you think about it. <3
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Summary: Shownu is back from his military service and you both had been missing each other a bit too much and things start to heat up between you both as soon as the boys leave your shared apartment.
Warning: Unprotected sex, breeding, fingering (receiving).
Pairing: Shownu x Female Reader
Genre: smut
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The wait was finally over, Shownu was finally gonna be out of the barracks and in your arms. You and the rest of the boys were waiting for him outside the military center. You brought him flowers and some of his favorite chocolates.
After standing there for what felt like an hour, you saw his figure from far walking towards the gates. And woah, he looked even bigger than before. The members started cheering for him and you laughed at their enthusiasm. You got a bit teary eyed as he finally made it out of the center.
The members ran towards him and jumped on him. They all shared a big group hug and were hopping like kids.
When Shownu finally made it out of the hug, he walked towards you. His heart was pounding out of his chest the moment he saw your face.
"Hi Y/N", he said shyly
You laughed at his shy and formal behaviour and gave him the flowers you got him. He blushed and pulled you into a tight hug. Tears ran down your face as you finally felt his warm body against yours. You ran your hands across his big back and cradled his neck. You missed his big bear hug the most and now that you finally had it, you felt complete.
He let out a relaxed sigh against your neck, wiped your tears and pecked you on your cheeks. The members started teasing you both and made cringey, lovey dovey comments.
You all decided to go to your and shownu's apartment for dinner and drinks. You all celebrated shownu's arrival by dancing and drinking a lot. He was so happy to finally have his people around him and have the best time with them.
The members left your apartment around midnight. You both waved them goodbye and closed the door.
Finally it was just the two of you alone together after a long time.
You made your way to the kitchen to keep the dishes and shownu pulled you by your arms and gave you a desperate kiss. You ran your hands through his hair and he rested his hands on your hips.
He might act shy with you in front of his members but you knew he expressed all of him when it was just the two of you.
He pulled out of the kiss and looked right in your eyes
"I missed you so much Y/N, you have no idea how much I craved you" he said while kissing your soft hands.
You tugged at his shirt and pulled him in for another sloppy kiss. He grabbed the back of your thighs and wrapped your legs around his waist.
He held onto your firm butt and made his way to your shared bedroom.
He sat himself down on the bed with you on top. You hurriedly stripped him leaving just his boxers on.
You suddenly got off him and escaped to the bathroom. He felt confused and startled and started to walk towards you. You told him to wait for you and gently pushed him down on the bed.
Two minutes felt like forever to Shownu, but as soon as you walked out of the bathroom with a sultry set of lingerie of his favorite color on his mind went wild. You looked absolutely ravishing and he wanted to take you right there and then.
His blood rushed towards his ears turning them hot red. You walked towards him and placed your hands on his chest. You slowly guided him to lay down on the bed as you sat on top of him settling your core to his hardness directly.
He groaned because he had not felt like this in a long time. You bent down to kiss his neck while running your hands across his abs. His body got bulkier than before and you could tell it. You could feel his thighs tightening as your heat rubbed on him continuously. He got harder as each second passed.
He caressed your hair, closed his eyes and took in your scent. Your presence was heaven to him.
You were working your lips on his chest just when Shownu brought his hands to your chest and gave you a light squeeze. The friction of the silk wrapped around your chest made your nipples hard. Shownu circled on them with his fingers and you felt yourself getting wetter.
You moved up to his face and gave him a deep kiss. Shownu was rubbing your back with his hands and stopped at the clasp of your bra. He unclasped it in a second and threw it across the room.
You looked him in the eye and saw nothing but devotion and lust. His wild thoughts took over his mind and he flipped you to the other side of the bed. Now you were under him and he was in control.
He attached his lips to your nipples and you moaned. He snaked his hands down to the waistband of your underwear and slowly inside them. He attached his fingertips to your clit which was throbbing with pleasure. He circled it while leaving hickeys on your neck.
He looked into your eyes when he placed his fingers inside your core. You rolled your eyes in pleasure and whined. He curled them up perfectly and kept abusing your sweet spot.
He kept a stern and proud face as he watched you turn into a mess under him.
After pulling out his fingers he went down to remove your underwear. He looked at your heat, all wet and throbbing with stimulation.
He opened your legs wide and kissed the insides of your thighs and gave a gentle bite as sweet nothings kept falling out of your mouth.
He removed his boxers and threw it away. He saw you resting yourself on your elbows to have a better look at him. He smirked at your desperation and started to pump his already hard and stimulated cock. He kept getting bigger and bigger with each stroke.
Your eyes were hungry as you watched him rub himself. He came closer to your heat and rubbed his tip on your clit, jolts of pleasure ran through your bodies and you lost control of your senses.
He slowly started pushing himself into your core, you let out a squeak. Shownu threw his head back as he relaxed himself inside you. You grabbed his shoulder and pulled him towards you, making his member go inside you deeper than before.
You kissed him hungrily as he started to move his hips back and forth. He started out slow, making you feel every inch of him.
"I need more shownu"
These words made shownu pull himself out of you and ram inside you even harder.
You let out a loud moan and saw him move in and out faster.
He had no thoughts on his mind, he was pushing himself inside you senselessly, his only aim was to pleasure you.
You held onto his shoulders for your life. Your hands were roaming around his body then finally stopped at his waist. You were digging your nails in his body out of pleasure. Shownu enjoyed this delicate pain.
You felt your walls pulsing around his cock and knew you could come undone any moment now. You placed your hands on his shoulders, stalling his movements. He got worried, he thought he hurt you.
Instead you just told him to lay down again. He smirked as soon as he understood your motive. He let his body fall onto the bed.
You placed your legs around him and sat on top of him. His hard member running along the folds of your heat. You moaned loudly at this feeling while shownu had his hands on your waist to guide your movements on him.
You grabbed his cock and opened up your folds to let him inside you again. You placed your hands on his chest and slightly rubbed his nipples.
You started to move your hips back and forth on his member slowly making you both feel sensuous feelings. Shownu could not hold back his thoughts and gripped on your waist hard and guided you to move faster.
You were now giving it your all, running out of breath, bouncing up and down, eyes closed, panting and gasping. Shownu took in this beautiful view and brought his body up to you.
You were now chest to chest with shownu. You felt your juices overflow and trickling down to his member. He wrapped his arms around you and hugged you tightly, leaving no space between you.
You could feel your walls tightening again and his member twitch inside you. Shownu grabbed onto your shoulders from behind and guided you to move faster as he came undone. His wave of pleasure took over, he breathed heavily and released inside of you.
After a few seconds you too came undone, walls tightening and sucking in every drop of his release. You bit his neck slightly and he groaned at the feeling. Both your releases crashing together like ocean waves.
You still moved yourself on him to ride out your high, you just could not get enough of him inside you.
Shownu kept you close to his chest as he pulled you down to the bed. You were on top of him and had your face buried in his neck still panting. Shownu had one hand on your back massaging it and other gently caressing your hair.
After calming down your racing heart you got your head up from his neck and pulled yourself out of him. You both groaned at the loss of contact and you slumped on the bed beside him and he turned himself, facing you.
You looked at each other and shownu tucked your sweaty hair behind your ears. Rested his warm hand on your cheek and gave you a deep kiss. You could feel his satisfied emotions in the kiss.
He pulled away and rested his hands on your waist, wandering his tips around, slightly tickling you.
"Everyday felt empty without you by my side Y/N. I missed you so much and I am so happy to be with you again. I love you so much Y/N"
You smiled hard at his words and kissed his forehead.
"I love you too Hyunwoo"
Shownu spooned you and you both drifted off to sleep,
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Please share and interact with this and lemme know how you guys liked it <3
stay safe and happy y'all <3
#changkyun#monsta x#monsta x drabble#monsta x imagines#monsta x fluff#monsta x reader#monsta x scenarios#monsta x angst#changkyun x you#changkyun drabble#changkyun imagines#changkyun scenarios#changkyun smut#changkyun angst#changkyun fluff#monsta x reactions#monsta x imagine#monsta x im changkyun#im reader#shownu#shownu smut#jooheon#minhyuk#kihyun#monsta x scenario#hyungwon#shownu scenario#shownu imagine#shownu x reader#shownu fluff
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Hi! I was wondering if you're taking requests? If so could to write some yandere + smutt stuff with Wonho? (If you're ok with it, could you try to write something really dark?)
Oh yay Wonho! Sure thing ☺️
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A little Jealousy ❣️🔪
Yandere!Wonho x fem!reader
Warnings: 18+ , smut, yandere, violence, extreme jealousy, unprotected sex, possessiveness, fingering, overstimulation, light knife play, threats of violence, DUB CON
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Your boyfriend was an interesting guy. Although he’s a fairly big muscular man, Hoseok gave off the impression of someone that could be taken advantage of. Someone that will just let things happen. Perhaps that’s the Pisces in him. But you knew that wasn’t the truth. He is very sweet and loveable but he’s also very obsessive. Sometimes he loved a little too hard and is easily jealous. This paired with his size made him very scary and you often tried to stay on his good side. But that’s not always possible.
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Thinking back on it, you probably should’ve done more to stop it. Then again, you had been drinking a little, so your judgment could be impaired. But your boyfriend didn’t seem to care because here you were, in the passenger seat with tears rolling down your cheeks as you waited for him to get in the car. So what was your crime?
Well for starters, you had gone out with Wonho and his friends. Changkyun had invited you both and the rest of the friend group for a game night and some light drinking. After going out for dinner, you all came back to his place, pulling out the drinks.
It was in the middle of a game of uno that a lightly tipsy Changkyun was making more suggestive comments. The others saw it as light fun, not taking it serious. But your boyfriend didn’t see it that way. This playful flirting only made him even angrier when you playfully flirted back. At some point he got in between you both, his arm slamming on the table you were all playing on, he was facing his friend.
“Hey! You’re cheating!” Minhyuk called out laughing.
“Yeah… there goes our game.” Hyungwon said sarcastically while shrugging.
But Wonho paid them no mind.
“What’s up, man?” Changkyun said casually, looking up at the man.
Now your boyfriend wasn’t one to confront people like this, especially his own friends so this surprised you.
“Do you think this is funny?”
Changkyun looked at him confused and shook his head. “What are you talking about?”
“Do you think this is funny?!!” He repeated, now yelling and slamming his hand to the table again. This caused you to jump back and alerted all his friends at the table. Suddenly the fun atmosphere was gone.
“Hey baby-”
“Shut up!” He interrupted you, causing you to back up. The others got up from their seats and hyungwon went over to you after seeing how stunned and hurt you looked.
“Hyung, you can’t-”
Before hyungwon could finish, your boyfriend cut him off and glared at him. “Shut! Up! This little shit thinks he’s so sly! Flirting with my girl!”
“That’s not what I was doing! We’re just having fun” Changkyun tried reasoning.
Wonho grabbed him by the shirt and lifted him up before Shownu stopped him.
“Stop it!” He said sternly and Wonho complied, setting the youngest back down. The others were stunned to see him act this way.
“In the car….” He said, not looking directly looking at you, but you know who the message was for.
“But-”
“Now!!”
You quickly grabbed your bag and head out the door, ignoring the others who tried to stop you.
And now here you were, sitting in the car, cold and tears coming down your cheeks. It probably hadn’t been that long but you felt like you’ve been waiting in that car forever. You didn’t know what was going on inside, just assuming that your boyfriend was getting in a heated argument.
Soon he came back, slamming the car door as he came in. You only looked down at your hands as he started driving. It was an awkward ride. No one said anything but you could see just how angry he looked.
Once home, Wonho grabbed your arm and pulled you inside, you almost tripped over some steps but he was pulling you so hard at you would’ve continued being dragged along with no issue.
“Now you’re gonna listen to me.” He said, pushing you to your knees. “I don’t appreciate you being a little slut with my friends!”
“I wasn’t being-”
Suddenly Wonho kicked you in the stomach, causing you to topple over in pain.
“Why would you do that?!” You cried.
“I’m sick and tired of everyone taking advantage of me! You think you’re so slick?! Well you’re not!!”
He kicked you again, causing you to cry out before he left to the kitchen. You tried getting up but your gut was sore.
He came back with a small but sharp knife and you backed up as soon as you saw it. “Baby…? What are you doing…?”
The man crouched down to your level as you backed into the wall and held the knife to your chin.
“I’m not your baby.” He said bluntly. “I’m older, so try again.”
“Sir… o-oppa…?”
He nodded lifted to your feet then grabbing both your wrists in one hand.
“Bab- oppa please! I’m sorry I made you angry!”You were resisting but he continued dragging you.
“Get over here…” Wonho said, getting frustrated as he threw you to the bed, hard enough that you bounced right off to the floor.
You squealed as he grabbed you from the floor by your arm and laid you on your stomach, bending you over the bed.
“You’re gonna learn your lesson little girl.” Wonho said, almost laughing. This was terrifying and you couldn’t turn around to see what was happening.
He was unbuckling his belt and you looked to the side, noticing it being thrown along with the sound of his pants dropping. Before you could say anything you felt your pants being yanked off along with your underwear.
“O-oppa…” you’re voice was shaking, now deathly afraid of him. “W-what-”
Suddenly you felt a sting to your ass causing you to nearly scream.
“Shut it! You’re mine and I will do whatever I fuckin please!” He yelled.
He grabbed the knife from the nightstand and held it to your bare thigh. “Make any movements I don’t like and… well…” he paused and lightly cut your thigh causing you to cry out in pain. It was shallow enough to be nothing too serious but enough to draw just a little bit of blood. But it still hurt all the same since your thighs were pretty sensitive. You were trying to stay still but you were still shaking as he pulled off his boxers. At this point you were going to comply, you needed to really.
Wonho grabbed your arms and pinned your wrists to your back before rubbing his cock to your pussy. You breathing hitched as you felt him suddenly enter. “O-oppa-…”
“Hush baby. Let me do what I do best. I know you want it. Your such a slut for cock.” He replied smugly as he started thrusting. “Looks like you’ll take anyone’s cock…”
You weren’t exactly ready for that; you were still very tight although you found yourself almost feeling some pleasure in this sick punishment.
At this point you were being railed into the bed, you yelled out at first in pain but now in pleasure as you were getting violently fucked dumb. He was holding your wrists so tightly behind your back that they will definitely be sore afterwards.
“Oppa!” You panted.
“I know what you want.” He said, slowing down a little before reaching his hand down to your clit. He was violently rubbing it with his fingers, causing you to cum with a loud moan of his name. He also came.
For a moment you were relieved, thinking this was the end and he got all his anger out but this was before he suddenly flipped you around with his hand to your throat. He was choking you pretty hard and you felt really dizzy and disoriented, but before you could pass out he’d let go, then do it again. As he did this, he continued rubbing your clit, overstimulating you even more to the point where you’re crying and practically squirt.
He let go of your throat for a moment, letting you breathe and cough a little. You were weak and exhausted and of course, very sore. You could barely keep your eyes open and were in a daze.
“Please sir… no more…” you panted weakly.
Wonho grabbed and pushed you to the floor on your knees, you could barely hold yourself up.
“Do it…”
You weakly sat back on your ankles and grabbed his cock. It was huge and you knew you wouldn’t be able to fit it in your mouth completely. You took it in, sucking lightly and slowly bobbing your head. This is before Wonho grabbed your head and started thrusting, fucking your throat hard that it was causing you to constantly gag. You then slumped over after nearly choking on his cum.
Wonho grabbed you by the shoulders and laid you on the bed. At this point you were too weak to do anything and your boyfriend liked you like this. Your legs were spread and knees lightly raised.
“We got to lay some new ground rules…” he said, hovering over you. You could barely focus on him.
“First, don’t talk to any boys! I don’t care if they’re my friends or any of your once friends.”
You could barely nod but suddenly tensed up when you felt the tip of the knife at your thigh.
“Y-yes sir!” You replied quickly, closing your eyes.
“Second, you’re my baby… therefore I have to be with you at all times.”
“O-oppa-…” suddenly you were cut off by an intense feeling between your legs, causing you to gasp.
“Understand?!” He said sternly, now rubbing your clit again with his fingers.
“Y-yes sir!” You cried out, still feeling very overstimulated.
He stopped for a moment and smiled in satisfaction.
“Third… no talking back to me.”
“Y-Yes sir…” you said weakly.
“If you break any of these rules, you will be severely punished. Got it?!” He emphasized the last part and rubbed harder on your clit.
“Yes sir! Yes!” You cried out, your hips bucking a little. You were about to cum again.
“I’m glad we’ve reached an understanding…” Wonho said with a smile, rubbing your clit for the last time, watching you fall apart again when cumming. You were shaking and too weak to move.
Wonho then gently lifted you up and placed you further up the bed so you head could be in the pillows.
“Your my baby girl…” he said to himself as he watched you fall asleep.
“And I’ll kill anyone that gets in the way of that…”
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Ngl, this one was a challenge. Wonho is like a soft bear. But I did my best 😅
#kpop#kpop x reader#kpop smut#kpop imagines#fanfic#wonho smut#wonho x reader#monsta x wonho#monsta x#monsta x hyungwon#changkyun#wonho#yandere#monsta x yandere#monsta x smut#monsta x angst#wonho scenarios#wonho fanfic#kpop x y/n
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I Am What I Am (II)
A man of the shadows and a woman who belonged in the skies - fate could not have brought two more different people together.
But was this fate or was this a choice?
Pairing - Im Changkyun x OC, OC x Surprise Seventeen member hehe
Word Count - 7.7K
Warnings - Nothing too explicit but mentions of blood, guns, knives, violence, (t.w) references to suicide, murder
Previous Chapter
“I need to sit.”
Na bi peered into the darkness and her eyes fell on a couch at the far end of the room. Changkyun simply watched, buttoning his sleeves as she pushed with all her might, bringing it to the centre and plopping down on it. Her legs sure thanked her, but the fire in the pits of her stomach had reignited as she looked at him from a considerably lower and painstaking angle, standing before the table.
“Why are you here Ms. Baek?”
Na bi pursed her lips in thought. Honestly, she forgot. The sight of him had blown every ounce of reasoning out of her head. Sure, driving the car down an empty freeway at 140 kmh had adrenaline coursing through every inch of her body and yeah, maybe her ‘interaction’ earlier with that gentleman in the club had gotten her to some kind of high but she didn’t think she would ever find it this hard to get it together. There was nothing she could really process except him and the slender yet sculpted build of his body. He didn’t look very menacing but he didn’t seem like he was gentle either. Na bi wondered if he was the kind who liked it slow and teasing or hard and fast, not that she would have a problem with either-
Crossing her legs to keep it all in, she leaned back into the softness of the couch, mentally and physically pushing herself to the maximum possible distance away from this man.
“Who are you?”
“You already asked me that.” The corners of his lips curled into a smile. “And I already answered.”
“And I heard you.” She tilted her head in question. “But I’ve never heard of you before.”
“Not many have.” He tucked his hands into his pockets. “I am a myth Ms. Baek. The knowledge of my existence is a privilege.”
Na bi let her eyes scan him down then up. Recalling the way he stayed concealed in the shadows the first time she met him, she scoffed. “Privilege or liability?”
When he didn’t clarify, she clicked her tongue, shaking her head dramatically. “So you are hiding.” She sighed. “That's sad; you were a lot more interesting when you didn’t admit to being a coward.”
Changkyun smiled, unaffected. “I don’t expect or need you to understand Ms. Baek. Ignorance is a luxury people like you can afford.”
Maybe if Na bi was less drunk, she would have been sensible enough to be offended by that but she simply pouted. “Enlighten me then.”
“What you call cowardice is gameplay Ms. Baek.” He leaned against the desk behind him. “My identity is irrelevant, so I choose anonymity. I let my work speak for itself.”
“So who gets, as you call it, the privilege of knowing who you are?”
“The few who have business with me, my men” He cocked his head, looking at her. “And you.”
Na bi felt a strange combination of fear, exhilaration and curiosity grip her all at once.
“No one else?”
Changkyun shook his head.
She took a minute to take it all in. She should have been more afraid. She really should.
“Sounds a little unfortunate if you ask me.” He raised an eyebrow as she leaned towards him, half whispering. “Having all this power and no one afraid of it.”
“I don’t seek fear because I don’t thrive on it Ms. Baek.” He mirrored her, leaning too. “Imagine what I could have done to you if fear was what I wanted.”
Na bi felt a single bead of sweat roll down her neck.
“Then what do you want from me? Why are your men stalking me?” When Changkyun looked at her expressionlessly, she rolled her eyes. “Don’t deny it. They haven’t been subtle and I’m not blind.”
“No, you’re not.” She could practically hear the amusement in his voice, like he had observed the way her eyes were all over him.
He walked around his desk, pulled open the drawer, taking out a familiar picture and threw it onto the wooden surface of the table. Na bi got up, walking closer to it, picking the photo of Ana in her hands, the same one Wonho had shown her that night.
“That’s from the cctv of my headquarters a few days ago. Your friend Ana, turned up at a location that no one other than me and my men know of, asking for me, by my name."
Na bi frowned. “How did she know where to find you?”
“Your skipping sequence Ms. Baek” Changkyun walked past her, sitting down on her chair. “How did she even know of my existence in the first place? The range of my business acquaintances does not extend to people like her.”
“How do you suppose she knew?”
He hummed. “Assumption is judgement’s biggest enemy Ms. Baek. I was hoping to have a conversation with her to let her explain herself, but that was the last time anyone had seen or heard from her.” Na bi didn’t even realise when he got hold of the lighter he began playing with. “And incidentally, while looking for her-”
“-your men kidnapped me.”
He nodded. “It was a mistake and it is my fault you got roped in this mess and so, it’s only fair that until all this gets over, I look out for you.” Changkyun watched her face scrunched in confusion. “Ms. Baek, there are a lot of dark and dangerous things hidden in the shadows of Seoul. My identity holds a higher value than you can imagine. Should anyone get the idea that you might have even the slightest clue as to who I am, they would hunt you down for answers.”
“So, all these days, your men were…” Na bi blinked at a loss of words. “Protecting me?"
He gave a small nod.
Na bi stared at him. Of all the reasons she had imagined for his men stalking her, this was nowhere on the list.
“You’re telling me that rather than eliminating someone who might be a threat to your identity which you apparently so carefully safeguard, you chose to employ your men to work round the clock to protect her? All because she was a mistake?” Na bi stared at him incredulously before letting out a surprising short laugh. “Oh, you absolute asshole.”
For the first time, Changkyun’s expression betrayed his thoughts – it was a mixture of annoyance, confusion and amusement all in one.
“Either you habitually don’t think twice before you talk,” His voice was suddenly a lot deeper. “Or you’re not afraid of much when you’re drunk Ms. Baek.”
“Please,” She scoffed. “I’m not afraid of much when I’m sober either. There is not much to fear if you’re not afraid of death, and I see death every day.”
Na bi walked up to him, her shadow falling on his darkening expression.
“You’re not protecting me and this is not just about Ana. Someone like her cannot possibly be a threat to you.”
The image of those armed men in Ana’s house flashed in Na bi’s head. The only reason another group of dangerous people were after Ana had to be for Changkyun.
“Someone else is looking for you. Someone who is a part of those dark and dangerous things you claim are in the shadows of Seoul. Evidently, they are aware that Ana has you all figured it out and they knowing getting to her means getting to you, but you....You don’t know who they are, do you?”
She walked around the chair, her fingers tracing it.
“Ana was your only link to them but she’s missing. You knew, whoever they are, if they learn of me, they will come after me instead. That’s why I’m alive, that’s why I’m being monitored. I’m bait, aren’t I?”
She leaned down, meeting him eye to eye.
“Or did I misjudge the depth of your character?”
Now that she was much closer to him, her eyes once again began wandering across his face and she wondered why she was not more annoyed or aggravated at the realisation of how she was being recklessly played around by him. Changkyun on the other hand was silent for a whole minute, looking right back into her eyes before his lips curled into a smile.
“I think I misjudged the level of your intelligence Ms. Baek.”
Na bi pulled herself back feeling victorious but he got up, on his feet, eliminating the little distance she put between them. “But you are transparent and lack depth so you think everyone is as one dimensional as you are.” This time she felt her fists ball in anger. “Had you not given in to your saviour complex and unnecessarily curious nature, you wouldn’t have become the potential target that you are now. It’s not me but you who brought you to where you are,” He took the picture from her, freeing her hands. “But just because there were other reasons to keep my eye on you, doesn’t mean I wasn’t looking out for you.”
Na bi knew those were empty words from him but she couldn’t help but feel a weight drop in her stomach. It didn’t help that he was standing so close, and it helped even less when Na bi took a step closer to him, doing the top button of his vest that he had missed.
“Prove it then.” She smoothened the fabric on his chest nonchalantly before looking up at him. “Take me home.”
“Wonho will drop you- “
“Not him. You.”
He sighed. “Ms. Baek. If you haven’t figured out already, I don’t come out in the open.”
“You said you wanted to protect me, didn’t you?” She licked her drying lips. “So, it’s you or no one.”
Changkyun’s eyes flickered down there, just for a second before he met her eyes again. “I’m inviting trouble keeping you around, aren’t I?”
Na bi smiled as she walked out, knowing he would follow.
The ride to her house was pretty silent.
In that half an hour, Na bi understood Changkyun wasn’t much of a talker. If she had nothing to say, neither did he. Conveniently enough though, he would at least answer her questions when she had any and she had very few questions.
Okay, she only had one question.
“Are you getting married?”
Changkyun momentarily took his eyes off the road to throw her a glance, clearly not expecting that of all things. Well, he for starters, he was all suited up - not a crease in sight, not a hair out of place, smelling like a very distracting combination of whiskey and roses but the watch on his hand, it looked old, like a choice of sentiment rather than style.
“You look very marry-able right now.”
“Why Ms. Baek,” His voice was laced with amusement. “Would you like to?”
“Hell no.” Na bi scoffed, looking out of the window at all the buildings whizzing by. Sure, she was attracted to him, hormones and alcohol clearly amplifying it all but that was about it. “You and I can’t possibly be meant to be.”
Changkyun hummed. In thought? In agreement? She had no idea. But that was the only conversation they had the whole way home. She wanted to ask more; of course, she wanted to. Curiosity was Na bi’s fatal flaw but either this really expensive BMW’s smooth navigation was lulling her to sleep or Seoul’s air was laced with some sort of sedative tonight – whatever it was, she was progressively losing grip over herself, so uncharacteristically, she shut up.
When the car came to a stop in front of her building, Na bi rolled her head over to look at Changkyun – he was already looking at her. She definitely wanted to say something, either a thank you or goodnight, but whatever it was, under his gaze, yet again, she forgot. Not a word was exchanged, neither was any emotion - there was no sadness over a goodbye, no longing to see each him again. But in the silence of the night and the small space that held them at an arm’s distance from each other, there was one thing that was definitely there – a meaningless craving. A desire so electrifying that she could practically taste it in the air and feel it in the way every cell in her body was fighting the idea of just pulling him closer. Na bi wondered if he felt that too; she couldn’t tell.
When Changkyun made the slightest movement towards her Na bi immediately felt her breath get stuck in her throat and her heart race in her chest. At first, he simply unbuckled her seat belt and she had begun to get disappointed but then she felt him lean closer. Though this was exactly what she wanted, though he was what her body was so desperately seeking, Na bi felt her eyes close reflexively, her hands gripping whatever it could on the seat.
“The lights are on.”
Frowning, her eyes flew open to see Changkyun still a considerable distance from her, his eyes fixed on something else entirely, far behind her. Following his line of vision, she realised he was staring at the windows of her house, the only one with lights on at 3am.
“Yeah well,” She hoped to god he didn’t notice her reaction earlier. “I don’t live in the dark.”
“Did you leave them on before you left?”
She shrugged unable to remember. Changkyun’s expression darkened as he unbuckled his own seatbelt and stepped out of his car, making her hurriedly mirror his actions.
“Wait,” Na bi pointlessly lowered her voice. “You think they found me?”
He continued staring at the window for a moment before he quickly made his way into her building and up the stairs. Swearing under her breath and barely able to balance herself, Na bi followed, stupidly trying to keep up with a man who seemed to move at the speed of light. By the time they climbed four floors and had reached her house, she was a panting mess but he was still perfect, not a crease, not a hair out of place.
“9963.” She blurted, giving him the password to her door, only belatedly realising what she had done. Before she could fully comprehend the consequences of her actions, he opened her door and stepped in. Standing by the frame, Na bi watched, still out of breath and in awe as he moved around so cautiously and so quietly, like he was made of a gas or something. It took a good five minutes of looking around before the tightness in his shoulders finally relaxed and he turned to her.
“Looks like you’re safe.”
“And of course you sound disappointed.” Na bi mumbled under her breath.
The trap they were using her to set up still hadn’t led them to their prey. If only he had managed to get his hands on someone tonight, if only he got the answers he was looking for, a lot of her problems could have been solved. Kicking off her shoes, she walked in, sinking into the couch. Changkyun’s eyes followed her across the room.
“Are you going to leave now?”
Na bi looked up at the man, pushing her urges down yet again for the nth time now. Earlier today, when he called her transparent, he was right. There was nothing hidden in the way she looked at him – the desire in her eyes was as clear as day.
But his gaze was as dark as the night. He seemed so layered and unreadable and as much as she wanted to unravel all that he kept hidden away in the shadows, she didn’t think she should. Some things were meant to hold on to, and some weren’t and as Na bi herself had claimed earlier, this wasn’t meant to be. She had to let him go.
.
.
.
“Stay.”
“Dr. Baek, are you listening to me?”
Instantly snapping out of her trip down the memory lane, Na bi looked up at her attending and the entire team looking at her, waiting. Realising that she had in fact, not been listening, her eyes quickly flickered between the patient’s vitals on the screen and the paper in her hand. Swallowing on nothing, she took a shot in the dark, praying to whatever gods were out there that she had analysed the situation right.
“Yeah, yeah, I shall uh… do a head CT and set him up for an LP?”
That eyebrow of her attending raised in question, lowered a little. “And get his fever under control.”
Na bi quickly nodded, taking notes and sighing inwardly with relief as the team continued the morning rounds. Close. She had been letting her mind wander a bit too much. Not only was the horrible hangover headache making it hard to stay grounded to reality, her thoughts too were all over the place, mostly trying recollect the events of last night which she had navigated drunk off her face. Now was neither the time nor the place for it but clearly, self-control was not one of Na bi’s virtues. It was only when the patient next to her violently retched and threw up onto the floor that she finally got it together and put her thoughts behind her.
An hour and three separate crises-es later, Na bi found herself catching a short break as she walked down the corridor from the pantry, looking out of the window at the greying sky. Seoul was uncharacteristically gloomy today. Peeling the orange in her hand, she popped a piece in her mouth, eyes scouring through the crowd of people scattered around, looking at their feet in particular. No combat shoes.
When Na bi woke up that morning, the sun was already way up in the sky, giving her just enough time to quickly change into a fresh pair of clothes, grab her bag and run out of her house. It was only when she had finished gobbling her breakfast and finally had some substantial energy in her that she noticed the absence of Changkyun’s men - There was no one in combat boots.
She didn’t know how to feel about that. It was evident from last night that Changkyun’s enemy, whoever that was, hadn’t identified her yet so she was in no immediate danger but she didn’t still understand the sudden disappearance of her apparent protection squad. The voice of reason in her head told her that she was merely a pawn in whatever game Changkyun was playing and this was probably just another one of his moves. Her gut feeling though, begged to differ – it said something had to have gone wrong.
It was when both voices that were battling it out in her head that she felt a tap on her shoulder and the orange peel in her hand was replaced by a small bottle.
“Drink up.”
Na bi turned to see Seokmin, her closest friend at work handing her the hangover tonic he frequently used.
“Hell no, that’s bitter as fuck.”
“Get it together Baek.” He crossed his arms. “This is a hospital; you’re a doctor and you look like shit.”
“Thanks.” She murmured, cracking the seal open, trying not to taste the horrible liquid as she drank it.
“What happened last night?”
Na bi drank slower to avoid answering. He did kindly invite her out last night and so she did owe him some sort of explanation but what even was she supposed to say? I shot a man in the leg, stole his car, met up with a mafia leader, insisted he drive me home and then we…. It sounded absolutely insane even in her head, who would even believe her?
First off, mafia supposedly didn’t even exist in Seoul. After the famous Crime WipeOut operation back in 2011, the streets were declared ‘crime free’ – the cops had been advertising their success with that phrase for years now. But everyone knew that was not true. Working in the emergency room, Na bi especially knew that was not true. Every other day, people would walk in with all sorts of injuries, claiming they “fell down the stairs” or “got hit by a car” when their wounds clearly told another story. No one would dare question them though, not when they could feel the outline of a weapon in their pockets.
And now Na bi’s encounter last night had confirmed facts. Mafia very much did exist in Seoul and somehow suddenly, thanks to one man, she found herself deep, right in the middle of it all. It would be unfair to Seokmin to drag him into it too.
“I wish I remembered it all.” That was as honest as she could get with him - there was indeed a big gap in her memory of last night's events that she just couldn't recollect no matter how hard she tried.
“I need my blue pajamas.” Na bi put down the seat of the toilet and sat on it, crossing her legs, feeling much better having thrown up. She was definitely talking to Changkyun about something before she felt her stomach turn and ran to bathroom - she tried hard to remember what exactly that conversation was about again but it was pointless, she had no idea. The earlier suited man who now somehow only had his white shirt on, appeared by the door, holding out a navy-blue set of pajamas but she shook her head. “Not these ones.”
“Nearly everything in there is blue.”
“I like blue.”
“This is blue.”
“But this is not the blue I like.”
Changkyun didn't reply but his silence was loud.
“What? Didn’t you say you wanted to make sure I’m safe?”
“And safety includes a specific blue pajama?”
Na bi slid off the toilet and walked past him to her wardrobe, pouting. “I feel safe in those blue pajamas.”
She scoured through her clothes while he stood behind her, not too close but perhaps close enough to catch her if she stumbled.
“These.” She held up an old, faded pair of sky-blue pajamas. “These belong to my sister but this is me.” She pointed at the print of small white butterflies on the fabric then to herself. “Baek Na bi. White butterfly.”
And then without a warning to herself or him, Na bi pulled her shirt over her head, stripping out of her clothes. At that point, Changkyun who’s eyes were focused on her all this while, looked away, making her suddenly very conscious of her actions. Actions she didn’t seem to put much thought into; which wasn’t very unlike her but something felt different today - it was almost like she was made of two minds. Unfortunately, the second one was hell bent on being honest and irrational.
“I think…” She pulled up her pants, adjusting the elastic, looking him up then down. “I think I’m really attracted to you.”
He turned to look at her with a raised eyebrow, looking amused. “I think you should sleep Ms. Baek.”
Something did a somersault in Na bi’s chest. “With you?”
.
.
“Would you like to?” He leaned against her dresser, crossing his arms.
.
.
.
She mimicked him, leaning back against her wardrobe. “Very much.”
.
.
.
When those words left her mouth, Na bi had no idea what she expected the consequences to be. She had no idea what exactly transpired between them after that either.
As far she remembered, they were on opposite ends of the room and she was looking into his unreadable eyes for just one clue about what he wanted. Then, suddenly, somehow, they were standing right across each other, inches apart in a loud silence where she could only hear her heart race in her chest. She didn't know if Changkyun felt even an ounce of what she was feeling, or if he too wanted her as much as she craved him and there was only one way to find out.
Lord knows where Na bi got the courage, or why she gave into the stupidity but impulsively, she got on her tiptoes, hands grabbing his shirt to pull him closer and let her lips softly brush his, which to her surprise, parted. Na bi saw a hundred different things flash in his eyes, but none of them seemed like a no, so she kissed him again, more certain this time, closing the gap till there was nothing between them. His hands grabbed her waist as she stumbled, setting off something hot in her chest.
And just like that they walked back entwined, lips not leaving each other till the back of his knees hit her bed, prompting her to push him onto it, finally giving them the space to breathe. Changkyun looked up at her with his hooded eyes, his hands sinking into the comforter behind him. There was something undeniably hot about him just sitting on her bed like that, doing nothing but watching her. He was letting her make the moves.
And so she did, standing between his thighs, taking his face into her hands, leaning forward to kiss him once again. She didn’t know if his arm wrapped around her, pulling her into his lap, or if she climbed on the bed, straddling him, but here they were, just mouths moving, tongues roaming and hearts beating real fast. Na bi felt herself getting lost in that pleasure, her hips naturally finding a rhythm against him but his arm around her held her in place. He lifted her and with a swift motion, her back hit the bed and he was hovering above her, exploring her face with his eyes. She pushed the strand of his hair which escaped its place, before she noticed the small healed wound on his eyebrows, her fingers tracing them.
“What happened here?”
One breath.
Then two.
“Hit the corner of the table when I was running away.”
“Running away from what?”
“The people who killed my family.”
Na bi blinked – she did not expect that candor. Or his lack of hesitation.
She stroked it softly, “Does it still hurt?”
What a pointless question. The wound looked old, like it had been years since he got it. Na bi realised with a pang in her chest that he must’ve been young when this happened. It must hurt like hell.
She propped herself on her elbows and reached up, planting a small kiss on it, obviously a very apt medical solution. “Better?”
For the first time, he let out a soft laugh, a genuine one.
Na bi kissed it again and again and again, slowly making her way down his face, finding his lips with hers once more. Yet again, time was lost on her. She just felt an undeniable, craving need for him, to feel him, to own him. This is what it must feel like to burn from within.
She let herself sink into the softness of her comforter, freeing her hands to unbutton his shirt when his arm under her tightened pushing her up her bed, neither action hindering their mouths on each other. Na bi had her fair share of experience with men but nothing ever felt like this and they weren't even doing much. The attraction she felt towards him was like never before, it didn't even allow her to think rationally. She knew they should stop - she was drunk and he was a stranger, a dangerous one at that, but she couldn't bring herself to. And just as she wondered if he too could not stop himself, she felt him pull back.
“Na bi….” His voice was so soft? “You should sleep.”
“Don’t want to….” She muttered, pulling him closer, but he didn’t give in.
“Sleep.”
He rolled off her as she groaned, pulling herself together, curling up into a comfortable position. He was right - even though she wanted him, her body needed sleep. And to stop this madness. She tucked her palm under her head and watched him by the frame of her bedroom door, buttoning his shirt, looking back at her.
She had expected him to be gone before she knew it.
“Aren’t you going to go?”
“I’ll leave when you sleep.”
The stomach somersaults were back.
“Will I ever see you again?”
He didn’t answer her question.
“Don’t go around doing something stupid.”
She chuckled, pulling her sheets closer, feeling her eyes flutter shut under the warmth of the covers. “You don’t mean that." She yawned. "Because if I don’t then your enemies won’t find me. And if they don’t find me, you won’t find them.”
“Ms. Baek,” Na bi looked at him one last time as sleep finally took her in. “Please don’t do anything stupid.”
Trying to ignore Changkyun’s last words still ringing in her mind, Na bi pulled herself back to reality, continuing the conservation. “I should’ve let you know before I left Min-ah, sorry.”
“Yeah, you should’ve.” Seokmin leaned against the window. “I worry about safety. It can get crazy out there.”
Na bi nodded. He had no idea.
She had no idea about a lot of things either.
She had no idea what Changkyn’s actions last night meant. Or his words. Was he attracted to her? If he was then why did he stop? And if he wasn’t, didn’t that mean he was using her, just like she suspected he was? And if he was using her then why did he ask her not to do anything crazy? How was she of any use to him if she wasn’t an efficient trap? Or was she wrong? Was she not a bait? And he truly mean what he said about looking out for her? But if he did mean that then where were all his men today??
Na bi felt like she could crush the bottle she was holding with her bare hands. All these questions were just turning into a never-ending loop that she was stuck right in the middle of with no answers and no escape. She needed to get her mind off all this.
“Crazy workload today?” She pointed at all the case files in her friend's hand, desperate for a change of topic. He shook his head, looking down at the corridor as a patient was wheeled out, white sheet covering their face. When a hand slipped from under the covers from the inertia, Na bi noticed the cut across the wrist.
“There was nothing I could do.” Seokmin sighed. “He bled out.”
“Cut that deep?”
“Two cuts. One on each wrist.”
Na bi felt the bile rise in her throat.
“Let me guess, family doesn’t suspect any foul play?”
“The usual.”
Seokmin handed the files to the intern who meekly walked up to him before she took them and rushed off.
Everyone in the ER knew of these cases, Na bi had seen a couple of them up close before – cases determined as self-inflicted injury, completely ignoring the fact that it was not one but two clean cuts on both wrists. Anyone with a pair of eyes and a brain could tell that was clearly not self inflicted but somehow, these cases would never reach the point of investigation. The family didn't dare push them and medical staff did not have the authority to – they just went on to become yet another record on paper.
The mere thought of such cruelty made Na bi's stomach turn. She wondered how anyone believed that evil did not exist in Seoul when she saw evidence of it in every corner, at every given moment - even the very next one.
Ambulance sirens.
Both her and Seokmin immediately looked at each other, ears perking at the sound of not one, not two but sirens of seven ambulances getting increasingly loud.
True to her training, Na bi immediately flung the bottle in her hand into a nearby trashcan and rushed to the entrance with Seokmin right behind her, pulling her hair into a higher and tighter ponytail. The rest of the doctors and nurses had already assembled, prepping to take on the load of cases that was about to walk in. But given that 'smooth-sailing' was just not a part of the emergency department's vocabulary, the head nurse ran up to her, a worried look on her face. “Dr. Baek, Dr. Yoo isn’t here.”
Fuck, she forgot - the attending had left right after morning rounds for a conference in Busan which meant-
“Jaehyun is in charge.” Seokmin concluded, voicing her thoughts as the three of them turned and looked across the corridor.
Jaehyun's face was as white as the wall behind him, hands shaking. Shit. Sure he was two years her senior which theoretically meant he was the most experienced person here to lead the room but Na bi knew he didn't have the stomach for what was coming; especially when the hospital doors opened and all she saw was blood. Blood, blood, blood, everywhere.
“Who’s in charge?” A paramedic looked around urgently while Na bi continued looking at a frozen Jaehyun. “Who’s in charge???”
There was no time for incompetence. Not right now.
“I’m taking over.” She whispered to Seokmin before she stepped up. “Me, Dr. Baek. What happened?”
“Traffic accident.” He panted. “That’s what they said on the call but I don’t think so. Seems more like a…..”
Na bi looked around the room, her vision tunneling on the details. There were almost 40 men, most of them were severely injured, but it was definitely not a traffic accident. They had massive gashes, wounds that looked like they were cut by something sharp, like a knife. The bruises on their eyes and mouth, those were obviously landed from a fist and the way some of their ribs and arms seemed broken, this was definitely a -
“Gang fight.” They said at the same time.
“They’re criminals.” Seokmin whispered, his voice laced with hesitancy.
Na bi took a deep breath and slipped on her gloves. “And we’re doctors.”
Na bi closed the door of the storage room behind her, finally getting away from it all.
It had been 3 hours. 3 intensive hours but to be honest, it wasn’t as bad as she expected; she had seen far worse days. While there was copious amounts of blood, the wounds weren’t so deep or severe that a few stitches and dressing couldn’t handle. About five of them had to be sent for emergency surgery and were now being monitored in the intensive care. Those who had fractures were scanned and appropriately bandaged and those who had rushed here accompanying their companions were detained in a separate room till the cops arrived.
Na bi had no choice but to ask Seokmin to call for law enforcement. Given how they were taking their own sweet time to come, maybe she was mistaken about the gravity of the situation but she had assumed that she couldn’t just brush 40 people injured by violence under the rug – it was necessary to get the police involved. Regardless of the fact that every single one of those brought in was wearing combat boots.
Cracking the joints of her neck, she gripped the metal bars of the shelf before her and briefly shut her eyes.
The faces of those who were brought in today flashed before her– she didn’t recognise any of them. None of those who used to follow her were there, neither was Wonho and neither was Changkyun. Na bi didn’t know why it was necessary for her to find out but the moment she noticed the combat boots, her first instinct was to look for Changkyun. It wasn’t like she deeply cared for him or anything; it was more because of curiosity. Of course, it was plain old curiosity, what else could it be-
Her eyes flew open at the subtle sound of the carboard boxes - Someone was in the room.
Pretending not to notice, yet extremely cautiously, she looked around for the spare supplies she came for and true to her intuition, just as she tried to reach for the gauzes at the back of the shelf, she felt a presence press against her back and something sharp and cold pricking her neck.
“Where is he?”
Na bi wouldn’t have screamed, she recognised that voice but she felt a hand cover her mouth anyway. She tried to struggle free from it but the tip of the knife against her skin inched deeper.
“Where is he?” Wonho whispered harshly again.
She pried his hand from her mouth, whispering back loudly. “How am I supposed to say anything with your hand on my mouth?”
Na bi felt a sting and the blood trickle down her neck. She had encountered this man so many times but this was the first time he was hurting her. Frankly, it sort of annoyed her, making her snap in retaliation. “How would I know where Changkyun is?”
Wonho’s grip on her softened and she took the opportunity to set herself free and face him. He looked tensed.
“How do you know his name?”
Na bi held a piece of gauze against the burning cut on her throat. Fuck.
“.....he told me.”
“He told you?” Wonho looked at her in absolute disbelief but eventually shook it off like he had other more important things to deal with. He pointed his knife at her. “I don't care why he decided to disclose it to someone like you, but don’t you ever dare take his name. Not before me, not before anyone, do you understand?”
Na bi nodded slowly. She had forgotten the dangerous weight his name carried. Was that how comfortable she had gotten with all this?
“And I’m asking you for the last time. Where is I.M?”
Ignoring how silly the name 'I.M' sounded, Na bi sighed. “I swear, I have no idea; I was drunk remember?”
“He dropped you home.”
“He was wearing a suit.”
“What?”
“Are we not playing state-the-obvious?”
Wonho’s confused face turned into exasperation. “He didn’t return after that; you were the last one who saw him!”
Na bi scoffed. “What, you think I tied him up and put him in my basement?”
“Of course not. I already checked your house-“
“Wait, what-“
“I don’t think you are really understanding the gravity of the situation Ms. Baek.” Wonho moved closer to her, urgently. “He is a very important man and things can go very wrong without him around.”
Why was everyone around her suddenly going missing?
“I swear to god, I have no idea. Last night we….. I mean, I fell asleep and he left, I don’t know where he went after that or what might have happened-“
“Na bi!” Both her and Wonho jumped apart, turning at the sound of Seokmin knocking the door. “The cops are here.”
Wonho placed a finger on his mouth warning her, as though Na bi didn’t know she had to keep quiet. Fishing something out of his pocket, he handed it to her as he took a step back into the darkness of the room – her phone. Recalling what she had done with it last night, she wanted to ask Wonho if the person she shot was okay but when she looked up, he had already melted into the shadows he came from.
Adjusting her scrubs, still looking over her shoulder, she walked over and opened the door to see Seokmin waiting for her and next to him, in uniform, was her next problem for today who also happened to be a very, very familiar face.
“Na bi, this is Officer Kim Mingyu.”
Seokmin introduced her to a man who didn’t really need an introduction because if she hadn't left him without an explanation last night, she would have been introduced to him anyways.
He seemed to have recognised her too, his eyes widening, expression changing from confusion to surprise.
“Officer Kim, this is Dr. Baek, she was the one in charge today.”
“Dr. Baek Na bi.” Mingyu pieced together her name, shaking her hand with a slightly cocky smile dancing on his face. “Fate works in funny ways.”
As Seokmin frowned looking back and forth between the two of them, Na bi turned to him. “Min-ah, help me go check if everything is okay in the wards, please?” When he didn’t move, still suspiciously staring them down, she emphasised on the please once more, with a look of promise in her eyes to tell him the details later and he finally left, leaving them alone. When Na bi turned her attention back to Mingyu, he still hadn’t let her hand go and his eyes were on her lips, making her cheeks flush red.
“I’m so sorry about last night-” Na bi began when he extended his other hand towards her, making her reflexively take a step back. “Woah.”
He immediately looked apologetic, pointing at her neck. "You're bleeding."
"Oh, that's nothing." She pressed the gauze onto her wound again, pulling her hand out of his grip. "Again about last night, I'm sorry. It was rude of me, I should have said something before I left like that….”
“The way you ran out, I was worried if everything was okay with you.” And he genuinely looked concerned. Sweet.
“Everything was fine, I just had something personal to take care of.”
He nodded slowly pursing his lips, and two tiny dimples appeared on his cheeks, making Na bi smile.
“I’m glad I found you again.” He put his hands his pockets, his shoulders scrunching up. “Now I just need to meet you one more time to confirm my theory.”
“Your theory?”
Mingyu nodded. “I believe a first meeting happens by chance. The second one may be a coincidence, but a third time?” He looked around before whispering. “That’s fate.”
Na bi chuckled. “I don’t believe in fate officer.”
“Give it a chance doctor. Third time’s a charm.”
“And why do you think we will run into each other once again?”
“Because I would like to take you out for dinner tomorrow.”
Na bi crossed her arms, trying hard not to smile. “Setting up a third meeting? Well that’s cheating.”
“I don’t just leave things to fate Dr. Baek.” He leaned in so close, Na bi could smell that familiar scent of him, the same one he had on in the bar, the memory of his mouth on hers coming back. “I work for what I want.”
It would be a lie to say Na bi was not impressed. Usually, these kind of words didn't have much effect on her, she would have just laughed it off. But the first time she met him, she had judged him to be a lot more amateur and inexperienced and now clearly, he knew what he was doing and he was doing well. So, when he put his hand out looking pointedly at her phone, she gave it to him and watched as he gave himself a call and saved her contact on his phone with the emoticon of a butterfly.
She laughed. “My 8th grade boyfriend used to save my name like that.”
“I like butterflies.” He looked at her with captivated eyes. “I think they’re really beautiful.”
Their wings might be but what about the ugly creature they hide under all that colour?
Na bi took back her phone, saving his number with an emoji of her own – a dog.
Mingyu pouted, dimples popping up again and she laughed, pointing at him, “There you go! I knew you were the golden retriever kind- “
“Na bi!” She startled, turning towards the sound as Seokmin ran up to her, bending over and coughing to catch his breath before he finally found his voice. “They’re…they’re all gone.”
“What?” Na bi and Mingyu blurted together, shocked.
“The ones in the ward, ICU, the ones detained, all, every single one of them is missing.”
Na bi immediately ran towards the wards, both men following her. There were dozens of officers everywhere, talking to the staff, taking notes, walkie talkies going off but the beds – they were empty. All of them.
They checked everywhere, they checked everything but there were no traces of Changkyun’s men.
It was like they were never there.
Na bi opened the door of her house, kicking off her shoes, tired to the bone.
After hours of questioning by the cops, Na bi began to understand the meticulousness with which Changkyun’s men worked.
While the hospital had called the police immediately after the ambulances arrived, it turned out they received no such call – Changkyun’s men had somehow intercepted it. It was only hours later when Seokmin called again to check on the delay that the cops received the information, arriving within 20 minutes with a full task force but their culprits had already cleared the scene by then. They didn’t even leave any clues behind – all their belongings had disappeared with them; the security cam footage was wiped clean, any and all records made for medical reasons were shredded – they had even taken their medical waste away. No one stopped them through all this – no one dare to.
Na bi threw her bag on the couch, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. But just as she hurriedly chugged it, there was an unexpected knock on her door, prompting her to glance at the clock – it was 11pm. Who would come by now?
Had Changkyun’s enemies finally found her?
Na bi felt a chill run down her spine. As though she bad timing was the highlight of her fate, just today of all days, none of Changkyun’s men were around. She was all alone, there really was no one to help.
When another knock followed, she immediately grabbed her phone and texted Seokmin, asking him to come over immediately, then scoured through the kitchen drawers and grabbed a knife. Heart thumping in her chest, she slowly made her way to the door, first looking through the peephole to see just how many people were threatening to break down her door but there was only one. Just one man in a spotless white shirt, standing with his head down and palms on the door and without even looking at his face, Na bi knew who it was.
Sighing in relief, she threw the knife onto the dining table and quickly opened the door, as he lazily lifted his head giving her a small, familiar smile.
“Changkyun?”
He seemed like he was struggling to stand straight. Was he drunk?
“You’ve been gone for hours. Do you always work this late…..”
As his eyes trailed down her face, his smile vanished, hand slowly reaching for her neck, his finger smearing with blood as he ran it across a painful spot – the wound from Wonho’s knife seemed to have opened up again.
“You’re bleeding.” He rubbed the blood between his fingers, looking at it. “What happened?”
Was he slurring?
"Wonho came to the hospital and-"
Before she could finish, his heavy eyes fluttered shut and he stumbled forward but Na bi quickly caught him, just as his knees gave away. She could feel something warm and sticky on his back making her look over his shoulder at her hand, a sight that nearly made her heart stop. Blood.
For the first time ever, her hands shook as they were drenched in blood, his blood and as though he finally gave up, Changkyun went limp in her arms.
Next chapter
#monsta x series#changkyun series#changkyun angst#changkyun smut#changkyun mafia#changkyun thriller#monsta x Im Changkyun#Im changkyun#Monsta X IM#changkyun#wonho#mingyu#seventeen mingyu#seventeen#mingyu series#seventeen series#monsta x smut#monsta x imagines#monsta x scenarios
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monsta x / fake dating
warning: bullet points because it’s the only thing stopping me from writing 7 full-length fics. these are still long, though. lower-case intended.
requested by @sweeticeream.
↣ shownu
frankly, you probably didn’t know hyunwoo well enough to ask him this, but he was the only guy friend you had (even if you only knew him for a little less than 4 months)
when you brought the idea of fake-dating up to him, he was very ?? about it
why don’t you just date someone (him) for real?
you regretted bringing this up as soon as you saw the confusion in his eyes
so you went into a whole frenzy, trying to justify your decision to fake-date, all so you wouldn’t come off as crazy as you felt
and after you started to explain it more, he got far too lost in the passion in your eyes, so he just said yes
sure, he’ll pretend to be your date to this family event in exchange for good food and great company
which meant home-made dishes and an endless stream of grandmothers, exclaiming “who’s this handsome young man?!” whenever he walked into the room with you
it was a nice ego boost and he got to hold your hand the whole night, which was nice, too (because you had soft skin, that’s all, no other reason whatsoever)
you weren’t worried about what would happen once the night ended because your family only got together once every decade
but by a stroke of disaster, four of your cousins (some of them twice removed; you’d never even seen them before tonight) announced they were getting married later this year
and, of course, they hoped you and hyunwoo would come to the wedding
the two of you smiled and nodded and acted in love
but as soon as the night ended, you told hyunwoo he didn’t have to come to any other event with you
there was only so much food you could bribe him with before you started to feel awful for dragging him here
but hyunwoo gave you a look and replied, completely seriously, “i don’t know what you’re talking about, i had a nice time tonight. your family’s great.”
that definitely made you feel less terrible when you asked him, “so you wouldn’t mind going to one of those weddings with me as my fake-boyfriend?”
you laughed as you said it, trying to make it seem more like a joke than a serious suggestion, so he wouldn’t feel bad about having to turn you down
but hyunwoo didn’t feel bad in the slightest when he said, “oh, no. i would mind.”
so, that was that, then
“oh, well, it’s okay. i told you, you don’t have to go with me—”
“i want to go with you as your actual boyfriend.”
yeah, fuck it. he may not have been able to look at you as he said it, but he didn’t really see a point to fake-date you when really dating you seemed like a much better alternative
↣ wonho
it was supposed to be mutually beneficial for you both
a classic let’s-pretend-to-date-to-make-our-exes-jealous plot
and then somewhere along the way, hoseok kind of forgot that this was supposed to be all pretend?
he’d keep on holding your hand even when it was just you two in the room
or he’d still kiss your cheek when he stood up from the couch to grab something, even though there was no one to prove a point to
and okay, at first, you didn’t realize there was anything wrong with that
but then you ran into your ex without hoseok around, and he asked, “so where’s your boyfriend?”
and you didn’t even care about the envy in his voice as you told him about how much hoseok had been working lately and how you hadn’t gotten to see him a lot
and there it was
the realization that you really cared more about spending time with hoseok than about making your ex jealous
god, it was so awkward bringing this up to hoseok, though
“so, hey, do you think it worked?” you asked him that same night once your conversation (sort of) turned to your exes
he wasn’t following, “what do you mean?”
cringing now, you tried to make this sound less childish, “well, you know. getting a reaction out of—”
“oh, that.”
silence
honestly, for a minute there, you worried hoseok was about to say that it had worked and that he was back together with his ex now
but then he just chuckled nervously and admitted, “honestly, i’ve kind of forgotten all about that.”
oh, well okay, but what does that mean????
your heart feels like it’s about to leap out of your chest as you wait for him to say something else
something that would, hopefully, make the state of your relationship a little more clear
but then hoseok just went, “so, how do you feel about ordering pizza tonight? my fridge is empty,” and that was it
so, yeah, idk, i guess you’re dating for real now? 🤷🏻♀️
↣ minhyuk
honestly, this was supposed to be just a joke
everyone always kept teasing you about how you spent so much time together, “it was time you started to date”
so minhyuk finally just shrugged, took your hand in his, and declared, “we already are”
it was mostly meant to make your friends uncomfortable
like, okay, they couldn’t stop teasing you about how close you were? then you’ll show them just how much closer you could be
but although your friends did squirm, and their teasing did turn into complaining within a few days of this
you felt like you were the one who felt the weirdest
because, fine, when it came down to it, maybe you did have a little crush on minhyuk
it was barely there, though!
you never even thought of it as a serious crush, you just found him attractive is all
but then he was suddenly glued to your side, always touching, always smiling and glancing over at you
and yeah, it’s definitely a crush now
and thing is, this doesn’t feel fake!
minhyuk went out of his way with the pda, all to make your friends cringe
but did he really have to call and text you every night before going to sleep just to say goodnight and wish you sweet dreams??
did he really have to remember every little thing that you’ve ever told him, even if you couldn’t remember saying it??
alright, to be fair, minhyuk realized he didn’t need to do those things, he was just taking full advantage of his position as your fake-boyfriend
and your friends’ teasing had not been baseless; clearly, there was something there between you and him
so, somewhere along the way, the fake dating seamlessly morphed into serious dating
your friends hadn’t even realized that “he’s my boyfriend” used to be a joke, but now you were no longer kidding
except, at times, when minhyuk was using his boyfriend status as an excuse to drag you to a yet another dreadfully boring event with him
he’d always use the boyfriend card
“how can you say no to me, Your Boyfriend™??”
and you’d always remind him, “well, technically, you never asked me out on a date, so i don’t know where you’re getting this from”
he’d give you a look and a sarcastic laugh
but he wasn’t too wounded by this because he was too busy wondering if you’d still say the same thing when he eventually used the “since i’m your boyfriend” technique to ask you to spend the rest of your life with him
↣ kihyun
okay, now, you weren’t supposed to start fake-dating
you just happened to be standing next to each other at a party when the guy who was relentlessly hitting on you the entire night, walked by and did a double-take
he stopped in front of you two, scratched his chin thoughtfully, and then said, very accusingly, “you should have told me you didn’t want to go on a date with me because you already had a boyfriend”
(really, you didn’t want to go on a date with him because he was a disgusting pig, but whatever gets him through the night)
and kihyun – who’s, really, more of a friend-of-a-friend than a boyfriend to you – was already opening his mouth to refute this
until you grabbed his hand and whispered a hushed, “why don’t we let him believe that?”
and you obviously didn’t mean that as a prank
kihyun could tell from the look in your eyes that you needed this guy to finally get lost, you weren’t just joking around
so he cleared his throat, got his hand out from your grip and placed it around your shoulders, bringing you closer
and then he stuck his chin out at the guy, “yeah, she has a boyfriend.”
partially cringing, you glared at the guy one more time – not that it did much; he was immune to all deadly looks – and he finally shrugged and walked away
you thanked kihyun, apologized, stammered awkwardly for another minute, and walked away, hoping to simmer in mortification somewhere else
preferably at a place where this cute boy, who just pretended to be your boyfriend, couldn’t see you
but, not even fifteen minutes later, your friends were collectively hitting you on your shoulders and back, all yelling over each other
you hunched over and took a few precautionary steps forwards to escape their assault, before giving them a bewildered look
“what the hell happened????”
finally, one of your friends gave you an explanation: “how dare you bring your boyfriend to the party and not introduce us?”
you were still staring at your friends with wide eyes, and you were genuinely starting to worry about the contents of their cocktails because they knew you didn’t have a boyfriend
“people just overheard you reject some asshole because you were here with your boyfriend,” another friend said. “they saw you hugging.”
oh. well
“he wasn’t—i was just—”
but you caught sight of the same asshole out of the corner of your eye, and, suddenly, you weren’t so sure if it was a good idea to admit to lying
“yeah,” you ended up saying, a defeated sigh following shortly after. “he’s my boyfriend. i’ll introduce you later.”
“why don’t you do it now?” a voice asked, nearly making you jump out of your skin
kihyun – the king of showing up at the right place, at the right time – was smiling as he stood next to you
your friends, of course, proceeded to pounce on you (that’s how they show love)
and it took you another half an hour to get kihyun alone to ask him why, in the name of god, would he carry on pretending to be your boyfriend?
and he’s been so composed the whole night, but suddenly he’s an awkward mess
“i don’t know,” he admitted, “maybe that’s the only way i knew how to ask you out on a real date.”
you both knew that there were many easier ways to do that, but you had to admit two things
one, you kind of have no choice but to say yes now, since everyone already thinks you’re dating
and two, the butterflies in your stomach have been rioting ever since kihyun introduced himself as your boyfriend that first time, so it would be good for your health to go on a real date with him. you know, to stop all the fluttering and the shaking of your heart
↣ hyungwon
hyungwon got you into the fake-dating mess by accident
he’d been trying to impress his new manager because he felt like he really deserved a promotion
but no matter what he did, the guy seemed to hate him
and then one time during lunch, hyungwon happened to start a conversation about music, and he discovered that the manager was into the same indie band as he was
he milked the hell out of this, mentioning every obscure song he could remember, and he could almost see the points he was gaining with the manager
he even ended up being called up to his office at the end of the day
“this will sound weird, but are you seeing anyone right now?” the manager asked
hyungwon genuinely thought he gave off the wrong impression and even glanced at the sexual harassment awareness posters on the wall of the office
but then the manager explained, “i have four tickets to the band’s concert this friday. we could go on a double-date.”
and, because this was his promotion on the line, hyungwon stammered, “uh… yes, i am seeing someone… a concert sounds great.”
cut to you getting a panicked phone call from hyungwon several hours later, demanding that you cancel your plans for friday night and pretend to be his girlfriend to impress his manager
eh, you like the band anyway, and hyungwon was a good friend, even if you never really saw him romantically, so why not
but, like in any classic rom-com, after spending the night exaggerating hyungwon’s positive qualities (in a subtle way, of course), you came to realize that, huh, maybe you did see him as a romantic interest? kind of? a little bit?
it was just nice how he kept holding you all throughout the concert, so he wouldn’t lose you in the crowd of people
and it was nice how he walked you home and checked on you even after his manager and his girlfriend had left the two of you alone
and it was also nice—alright, fine, you had a proper crush on hyungwon now
you assumed he’d done most of those things that night because he wanted to leave a positive impression on his manager
but then hyungwon got that promotion (the concert played a part in that for sure), and he invited you to celebrate at his house
and you showed up, thinking it was going to be a party for all of his friends, but it was just him, a bottle of wine, and two glasses
so you got worried that maybe you showed up too early, but hyungwon shook his head, “no, you’re right on time. wine?”
“uh… shouldn’t we wait for everyone else?”
“there’s no one else,” he said, his hands shaking as he unscrewed the cork. “it’s just you.”
oh, okay, then
now your heart was shaking and what-not, that’s great
“i wanted to thank you,” he said after he finally managed to pour wine into your glasses and onto the counter. “if it weren’t for you, i wouldn’t have gotten this promotion.”
“that’s not true, you’re a great employee and you deserve this.”
hyungwon appreciated you saying that, but he looked down and deflected, “you know, this promotion had been something that i was looking forward to for the past few months. until the night we went to that concert.”
you waited for him to continue, but his mouth was too dry, so he took a big gulp of his wine before he even finished the toast
(was this even a toast? oh god, he couldn’t understand what he was doing)
“t-that night,” he tried to continue, “i realized that i’m looking forward to seeing you again more than i’m looking forward to getting promoted. i was absolutely ready to go on a dozen more double-dates with you before i got that promotion.”
“i thought we’d have to do that, too, to be honest,” you interjected with a chuckle, alleviating the atmosphere slightly
“yeah?” hyungwon was glad to hear that. “i’m really, kind of, sad that we didn’t have to do that.”
quietly (because you didn’t dare to start drinking your wine yet, so you lacked the courage), you admitted, “me too.”
oh now he was positively vibrating and he had to set his glass of wine down as he braced himself
“why don’t we go on an actual date? no promotions to look forward to this time, just each other’s company.”
he looked like he was going to combust in three, two—
but you saved him by replying right away, “yeah. i’d like that.”
↣ jooheon
you and jooheon both wanted some peace and quiet when you went out with your friends, who all knew that the two of you were single, and kept setting you up with various people in the bar
so you suggested telling your friends that you both had already found relationships
“they’ll never believe it unless they see our partners,” jooheon pointed out
“okay,” you nodded, admitting the mistake. it only took you a second to come up with a better plan, though, “then how about we tell them we’re dating each other?”
he watched you for a minute, his eyebrows furrowed
“that is the dumbest thing i’ve ever heard,” he said then. “let’s do it.”
dumb or not, it worked
finally, you were able to relax, unwind, and get wasted on a friday night without being introduced to a new stranger every two drinks
it was a dream come true
and it worked like an excuse in other settings as well!
you don’t feel like attending another company dinner? “sorry, my boyfriend’s taking me out tonight, it’s our anniversary.”
jooheon hates his pretentious neighbour, so he needs an excuse to say no to his party? “sorry, got plans with my girlfriend this weekend.”
funnily enough, no one ever called either of you out on your bullshit
your co-workers had seen jooheon pick you up from work countless times
and all of jooheon’s neighbours knew you were the only person left who still had a spare key to his apartment (after a very unfortunate incident involving minhyuk, the notebook for jooheon’s lyrics, and a forgotten candle “for ambiance”, when jooheon was out of town)
nor you, nor jooheon had enough time for a serious relationship, and your fake-relationship never interfered with casual dating (since it all tended to end after one date)
so it was all fun and games
until your friends started asking, “so when are you going to propose?” and you realized this had been going on for a long time
jooheon, who was so used to his role as your fake-boyfriend, didn’t even skip a beat as he said, “when the time is right”
but the question rang in both of your heads for the rest of the night
when your taxi stopped outside of jooheon’s house at the end of the night, you got out with him because he was usually the type of drunk who could fall asleep in an elevator if left unsupervised
so, to save him the embarrassment – and also, to save you a trip back and forth between your houses – you tended to sleep in his guest room on friday nights
“you know what would be funny?” you asked him as the two of you took the elevator to his floor, “if we told our friends that we weren’t actually dating this whole time.”
jooheon chuckled, seemingly agreeing that this really would be funny
“you know what would be even funnier?” he responded, his speech still slurred from the alcohol. “if we actually started to date.”
you laughed, nodding, because that really would be even funnier
but then once jooheon was in bed and you prepared to head to the guest room, he suddenly grabbed your hand, stopping you
“so what time should i pick you up next week?” he asked
he never picked you up for anything, so you were understandably confused, “for what?”
“for our date,” he explained.
“oh, to pull the prank of the year?” you asked, chuckling. “first, we pretended to date, and then we actually started to date. but, actually, it’s all one big—”
“no,” jooheon disagreed, his eyes drooping, but his grip on your hand remaining firm. “this won’t be a prank. it’ll be a date. for real, this time.”
↣ i.m
he needed to get his family off his back (in the kindest way possible, of course)
there were only so many “it’s time for you to get married, why don’t i arrange a blind date for you?” a person could take
and you’d been his best friend for years, so hey, can you lend your friend a hand? you won’t even have to do anything
or so he said
you agreed because, according to changkyun, he’d just tell his family that you were his girlfriend, and you wouldn’t actually have to go to any dinners, or any parties whatsoever
how utterly and completely dumb this was!!!!!!
you run in the same circles, of course you were going to run into his family in town
their congratulatory hugs weren’t even the worst part (but it was still awkward, and you made a mental note to strangle kyun later)
the worst part was the “i knew you two kids would get together eventually!” comments
you felt like you were disappointing his family because you weren’t actually dating, and that felt a lot like disappointing your real family
it was crushing
you’d had such a good relationship with changkyun’s whole family, they were your second home
and now you were lying to them
so you didn’t think you were exaggerating when you sent changkyun a gentle “prepare to die” message once you managed to escape his relatives
he had a solution, though (at least, he thought he did)
“okay, so how’s this, then – we date for real?”
???????
he’d been your best friend for so long, you struggled to think of him as anything else
but it was also a defence mechanism in a way? you used to have the biggest crush on changkyun when you first became friends, so you needed to find a way to suppress these feelings
“changkyun,” you began seriously, “do you really think dating you would traumatize me less than my fear of disappointing your family?”
he watched you for a minute, the insult buffering, and then sent a pillow flying right at your head
“i’m saying i want you to go out with me, dumbass.”
you tried to duck, but still got swatted on the back of your head with the pillow as you asked, “why?”
he laughed humourlessly (and nervously) and then rolled his eyes, “gee, i don’t know, maybe because i don’t want you to feel bad about lying to my family, you sensitive wuss. or maybe because i genuinely have feelings for you, i don’t know.”
you were about to toss the pillow back at him, but then stopped
swallowing hard, you asked, “so which is it?”
“i can’t even breathe right now, which do you think it is?”
you were the one rolling your eyes this time, “can’t you just say it like a normal person, you asshole?”
“it’s already obvious, dimwit.”
“are you seriously only insulting me because you can’t tell me you like me? that’s lame, even for a nerd like you.”
he was groaning in exasperation at this point, “what else do you want me to do? you’re the most oblivious person i’ve ever met. and i don’t like you, you big idiot. i’m pretty sure i’m in love with you.”
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#monsta x reactions#monsta x fluff#monsta x angst#monsta x smut#monsta x headcanons#monsta x scenarios#monsta x fanfic#monsta x fanfiction#monsta x au#mx x reader#shownu x reader#wonho x reader#minhyuk x reader#kihyun x reader#jooheon x reader#changkyun x reader#hyungwon x reader#monsta x x reader#mx fanfiction#mx fanfic
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Character Development: Chapter 1
Pairing: Monsta X Changkyun x Reader
Word Count: 1.8k
Warnings: yandere themes, kidnapping, general delusion, angst
Summary: I love yandere and angst and changkyun so why not put them all together
A/N: I’m just starting out with this fic I hope you like it I don’t really write chaptered things. I’m a little rusty and I may end up going through this again and editing it a little. Please show it lots of love <3
Character Development Masterlist
At some point in the night, I must have turned over because I woke up with the sun shining on my face and I definitely hadn’t fallen asleep facing the window. With a deep stretch and a deep breath– what’s that smell? Rubbing my eyes, letting them adjust to the morning sun, it’s obvious I’m not in my apartment. I brought my knees to my chest and sat against the headboard, where am I? I’m in someone’s bedroom, but it has to be twice the size of mine and much more extravagant. Frantically, I felt around for my phone. Of course, it was nowhere, why would it be? Who would take someone from their home and leave their phone with them.
First, the bed is king size with mounds of fluffy pillows on it. To the left a large window, with white curtains blurring the outside. Across from, and facing, the bed was an armoire with no doors. From what I could see, several dress shirts hung in it, along with a couple coats. On the right side of the room was the closed door, a straight shot from my spot on the bed; beside it, against the right wall, was a dresser. It sat between the door and an archway, which opened up to a master bathroom. On either side of the bed stood two identical nightstands with two identical lamps. The room was immaculately put together with steel grey and navy blue tones. I guess the wise thing would be to scope out the bathroom first, in case anyone was there.
The air was cold, and stepping out of the bed made me shiver, yet somehow, I was sweating. Tiptoeing to the bathroom I held my breath and made sure my feet made no sound. After a couple peeks around the corner, I deemed the bathroom empty. Still, I was too scared to try the door, so I slowly made my way across the room to the window.
My jaw dropped when I pushed away the curtains. The window was barred, now casting an ominous shadow on the dark wood flooring.
Beyond the bars was a mountainside, was I still near town? Who knows where I could be when all I have to go off is rocks. No more messing around, I needed to get out of here, it was time to attempt the door. I started feeling claustrophobic, despite how large the room was, I knew it was unlikely I could get out.
“Please,” I mouthed with my hand on the doorknob.
Miraculously, it turned, and the door opened without a creek. Again, I let my jaw drop. The door opened to a walkway, one side led down a hallway to what looked like other bedrooms, while the side stood a beautiful banister and a wide flight of stairs. I’m in a stranger’s mansion. If it were any other day, and I was here voluntarily, I would be in awe. There was no time to tread the waters of the other rooms, especially if the owner of the house was in one. It was best to descend the staircase, it must lead to the foyer, and therefore, the front door. I dropped down to my hands and knees to peer past the banister. The whole house was silent, but I was not going to test my luck–I had to make sure I really did go unseen.
With no one in sight, I took measured steps down the stairs, and when I finally reached the bottom, it delivered me directly to the front door. This felt too easy, there’s no way it’ll open I thought, but still I had to try. I tried the knob, it didn’t budge. I flipped the dead bolt, still the knob didn’t move. Tears began to flood my vision, I was so close, to have hope dangled in front of me, it wasn’t fair. I flipped the dead bolt again; I was in denial.
“It has to work,” I whined. How can this person get out of their own house?
Unless I’ve been left here to rot. Taken from my home and put in a proxy until I starve or kill myself. Some psycho’s sick idea of entertainment. I’ve watched the news, I know what kind of sickos there are in the world. Trying the door one more time, I decided there had to be some kind of electronic, automatic lock on it. If I wasn’t so scared of making noise, I would have pounded my head against the door until I collapsed. There had to be some way out, no person can really make something flawless, there is always a flaw to be exploited.
With my back to the door, I took in the foyer. To the right, an entryway to the kitchen. To the left, under the staircase, looked like a darker hallway, with more closed doors. What if there were other people like me in those rooms? What if this whole mansion was packed wall to wall with helpless, clueless hostages like me. I needed to find out.
My stomach was nauseous from the anxiety, even if there was food in the kitchen, I knew I couldn’t look at it without throwing up. Not that I could trust anything in this death trap was safe to consume anyways. Making my way down the hall, I approached the first door.
First, I tried peering through the cracks on the sides, even getting on the floor to try to see inside. The room was dark, maybe it wouldn’t open even if I tried. However, it did, with very little effort. Inside was a small home library. How pretentious. There were bookshelves built into the walls, packed full of books. There was a plush chair on the opposite wall from the door, by a window bathed in sunlight. Smack dab in the center of the library was a desk. Like any other desk there were a number of knickknacks on it.
I creeped inside to investigate, not before looking behind me to make sure no one would shut me in. Like most of the house, the desk was a deep warm brown and glossy. Between a set of ornate bookends sat three old books. One: The Man of the Crowd. Two The Count of Monte Cristo (abridged). Three: I don’t know. The third book looks modern, but the title is calligraphy in a language I can’t make out; I pass over it. The chair was drawn out, as if someone had just left. Most likely, they left after writing the note in the center of the desk, the pen was still there too. So they were left-handed. (I’m not sure if this would be of use to me but I didn’t want to miss any hint of who this person is.)
I couldn’t resist leaning over the chair to read it. The first thing on the page was my name, letter format. Most of the lines were crossed out; only half of the letter was legible. In fact, the whole thing was hard to read, the writing was small and erratic.
“Sorry” the rest of the first line on the paper was aggressively scribbled out, or rather, completely blacked out. “I’m really sorry,” more scribbles. “I didn’t want to leave you home alone” “Something urgent came up at work” “I can’t wait to be with you.”
The whole note felt ominous from the instability to the ragged scribble marks to cover what he had already written. The only legible part of the entire note was the sign off at the bottom:
“Love, Changkyun”
So, this maniac’s name is Changkyun. I don’t know a Changkyun. I can’t wait to be with you, must mean that there is a way in and out of the house. I wonder when he’ll come back, I might just have until the end of the day. Until the end of the day, I have a timeline now. I need to find a way out, and if not that, something to fight with.
This Changkyun guy is obviously wildly unstable. He’s a kidnapper, and therefore extremely dangerous.
Exiting the study, I left the door open and moved on to the next room in the hall. A regular bathroom, with regular soft towels, nothing under the sink but towels and toilet paper. Feeling emboldened after reading the note (and that the owner of the house is gone), I moved through the house relatively fast. The bedrooms upstairs still scared me but after mustering up all my courage and listening through the doors, they were just like any guest bedroom, no clothes in the closets but extra blankets at the foot of the beds. After realizing this, I grew to fear the master bedroom most.
Everything there was unequivocally mine. The dresser was stocked full of my clothes. The bathroom had my makeup on the counter, my hair care products in the cabinets, down to the toothpaste I use. Sure, he could have taken these things from my apartment, but everything was brand new. Even the nightstands, one contained a new shiny copy of my favorite book (the other sat empty).
I concluded that there really was no one else in the house. No other hostages and no other hostage-takers. Everything about the house was relatively normal, of course besides the fact that I was there. In all, there were two doors locked in the house besides the front door. One was in the downstairs hallway. It had a sticky note on it that read “Cleaning supplies DON’T TOUCH.” The other led to the garage, if the note saying “Garage, NO ENTRY” was credible.
The door to the garage was accessible through the kitchen, which was beautiful. It had large granite countertops with an island facing the backyard. There were two stoves, a walk-in pantry, an extensive liquor cabinet, and a fridge which held enough food to feed two families. It bled into the living room which had a large TV and phenomenal looking stereo system.
The back wall of the house was fully glass, floor to ceiling windows, and a sliding glass door that did not open. And the glass didn’t break, I tried several times. I was still too anxious to eat and I couldn’t bring myself to trust the water enough to drink.
I decided I would hide in one of the bedrooms. Hopefully, I could hide well enough that when this man came back tonight, I could stay hidden all night–or even better, slip out while he was busy looking for me. Tucking myself in the corner of one of the bedroom closets, I waited for Changkyun to arrive. All I could find to defend myself were the kitchen knives, there wasn't so much as a drop of cleaning solution accessible in the house, which I had hoped to spray in Changkyun’s eyes.
I sat all night, stricken with anxiety and thoughts riddled with what would happen if I didn’t make it out. Eventually, I became so haggard from the stress I passed out in the fetal position in the closet.
#changkyun#im changkyun#i.m#monsta x#yandere changkyun#kpop#changkyun angst#yandere monsta x#monsta x angst#fluff#monsta x headcanons#monsta x reactions#monsta x scenarios#monsta x fanfic#monsta x reader#changkyun x reader#monsta x imagines#mx fanfic
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