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heottokes · 7 months

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𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐲 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠.

“i’ll love you the way you deserved to be loved.” to my dear changkyun, you were my first friend, my first love, and now my first goodbye. these are my letters to you.

word count: 16k

꒰ m.list ➭ before ꒱

Since I’ve said my peace, I can finally walk down this aisle and promise myself a new beginning; a new fate; a new life without you. I’m finally moving on. So, tell me, why after all these years am I seeing your face again?

───────── ☾ • ☽ ──────────

Falling in love with your best friend and writing handwritten letters made you feel like your life is a cliché B-rated rom-com movie. You had been writing your letters to Changkyun for the past couple of months. Every now and then you would dedicate your time to release your feelings on pen and paper. It was exhausting to say the least. First, you had to understand your feelings into words besides pterodactyl screams, ugly crying and cuss words. Second, your hand needed to function long enough to get everything out in one go – which doesn’t happen, so you’ve resorted on taking notes on your phone and then transferring them on paper when you get the chance. And lastly, you had to keep this a secret from your nosy roommate who had free access to visit your room at any time. You managed to survive and here you were, the letters neatly sealed in an envelope with no address to send it to. Maybe you didn’t think this through. Maybe it was for the best that you didn’t know. You didn’t write these letters for a response or answers. He doesn’t need to know how you feel. You just wanted closure. You just wanted a proper goodbye. Besides, you had no idea where Changkyun was much less where he lived.

As you held the letters in your hands, Jooheon messaged you. You almost shiver at the timing. Jooheon never brought Changkyun up since he held you for days that summer but if anyone were to be in contact with Changkyun, it would be him. Oh well, it couldn’t hurt to ask. You sent Jooheon a text asking him to come over.

You opened your first letter to read over again. Although he brought you a great amount of pain, you can’t help but smile as you reminisced. It was bittersweet. The memories you had with Changkyun were only good ones; the fact that he became a memory wasn’t. You were deep in your thoughts you didn’t hear Jaebum’s knock until you saw your door crack open. In a hurry, you scramble to hide your letters. You spread your arms across the papers to cover as many words as possible you can from Jaebum. He raises his eyebrow at you. “Bad timing?” His eyes are already calculating your form.

“No!” Not suspicious at all. “I mean, no – what’s up?” He glances at the papers on your desk. You stand up stuffing the papers in their envelopes as quickly as you can. You put the envelopes in the filing tray by your desk facing down – a detail you hope Jaebum doesn’t recognise. “I was just cleaning up.” You give him a smile. “What’s up?”

“I was just letting you know I was heading out.” Jaebum gave you a meaningful look – one, you both made to let the other know that you were not coming home tonight. You nodded not one bit phased and started tidying up your desk. Jaebum doesn’t say a word and closes your door once again. You sigh in relief and fix up the letters in the envelope.

Half an hour later you hear Jaebum get the door as you get up from the couch to make room for Jooheon. The two exchange pleasantries. “I brought Chinese.” Jooheon showed off once he saw you. “It’s only for two though, sorry Jae.” Jooheon says over his shoulder.

“All good. I was about to head out anyway.” Jaebum shrugs as he puts his leather jacket on. “Don’t wait up.” He says to you, and you mumble a ‘see you’ not even looking his way as you sit back down on the couch to watch your current favourite series.

Jooheon watches the two of you until Jaebum closes the door behind him. You tore your eyes away from the TV at the sound of Jooheon’s sigh. “I don’t know how you can have such a relationship with him.”

You smile as he joins you on the couch and you open the container. “Not my fault you’re too possessive to share Honey.” You teased him with a wink.

“Call me old-fashioned or a prude but a casual open relationship is not my style.” Jooheon turns his nose up at the idea.

You poke his dimple making him smile which made his dimple deeper. “I don’t think you’re either. You’re just a romantic. It’s good, there’s few out there nowadays. Too many scarred and broken to want to love like that anymore.” You said without any real meaning behind your words. It was just an observation of how society became.

Jooheon wasn’t as observant as Jaebum or Changkyun but that doesn’t change the fact that Jooheon knows you very well. He is your oldest friend after all. He understands there could be a meaning behind your words, and he didn’t like it one bit. “You’re not too scarred or broken to love, y/n.”

You give him a light smile brushing off the idea. “I wasn’t talking about me, Honey.” He frowns not believing you but lets the subject go anyway.

━━━☆

It had been a couple of hours since Jooheon came over when you decided to rip the band-aid off. You two had an old drama that was popular when you were younger playing in the background while you two talk. The opening song for the next episode started to play when you decided to ask, “Have you kept in contact with Changkyun?”

Jooheon’s eyes bulge out of its sockets at your question. If he was drinking water, he would have choked on it. You would have laughed if it wasn’t for the weight on your chest from the question. Jooheon stopped gaping at your sudden question trying to regain composure. He clears his throat. “Yeah, I have.” He answers in a whisper almost like he was ashamed to tell you.

You didn’t know why you wanted to cry. You didn’t feel betrayed by Jooheon – Changkyun was his friend as much as he was yours. Maybe even more of his friend than yours. He has every right to continue to be friends with him. But you had mixed feelings and a lot more questions now. “Can you do me a favour? Can you send him something for me? I’ll pay for postage.”

“Y/n,” You can hear the disapproval and sadness in his voice.

“I don’t want to talk to him. I’m not ready for that just yet. I don’t know if I’ll ever be, but I need to do this for me.” For the second time of the night, Jooheon shuts his mouth knowing there was no point in convincing you otherwise. If this was what you needed to heal and he could help with that, then that’s what he’ll do. He wraps his arm around you as you both turn your attention to the TV, but you couldn’t focus on anything else after that.

───────── ☾ • ☽ ──────────

SEVEN MONTHS LATER.

Today was the day. You had no idea the day would come so soon but it has, and you are excited for it. It has been a long time coming. You can see everyone waiting in their seats for the bride to walk in. “Are you nervous?” Jooheon whispers to you.

“No, there’s nothing to be nervous about.” You reassure yourself and him. He smiles giving your hand a squeeze before walking down the aisle with his paired bridesmaid. You let out a heavy breath to steel your nerves as you wait for your turn.

When did time move so fast? You swore you could still remember the feeling of the steel benches you had to sit on in your high school cafeteria. You can still remember the faint ringing of team spirit for the football team when you close your eyes. You can still remember the sound of the clock ticking a little too loudly when the class was boring and dragging for way too long. But that time is long past, that is made apparent by this new milestone. You started walking down the aisle feeling nostalgic. Your eyes meet familiar faces, and you share a smile. Everyone is sharing the same warmth and glee as you. It was a day filled with happiness. You look ahead to finally see the groom in question. He is someone you treasured and adored for years. He is the person that deserves this love and happiness the most. He should be the happiest one standing at the altar at this moment. So why is he looking at you with what looks like apprehension? Is he worried about you? There wasn’t any reason to worry anymore. Since you said your peace and had your closure, you can finally walk down this aisle and promise yourself a new beginning; a new fate; a new life without him. You felt elated at your new resolution. You held your head high as you reached the end of the altar. You stand in your place facing the guests. You were finally moving on.

So, why is it after all these years are you seeing his face when you search the crowd? Why when you're finally moving on, is he right in front you making all your emotions flood right back? You felt your throat close as your eyes landed on the second row at the groom’s side. There was no mistaking it; you knew those deep watchful eyes from anywhere. Changkyun was right before your eyes after all these years, and he was looking straight at you. Your heart felt heavy with pain at his presence, but you feel butterflies in your stomach from his stare. This was not supposed to happen. Today marked your fresh start. Why was he here? Is that why Hoseok is looking at you like that? Someone’s head overshadows Changkyun breaking your eye contact. It was Chansoo trying to get your attention waving at you and smiling widely. You found yourself giving him a small smile and wave to not distract the rest of the guests. You watch Chansoo beam and whisper to Changkyun who didn’t tear his gaze away from you. It seemed to all fall in place. It wasn’t that surprising if Hoseok had invited Chansoo to his wedding given the two were classmates and close friends in high school but that didn’t explain why Changkyun was with him. You turn your attention to Hoseok who was watching you the entire time. You watch him mouthed an ‘I’m sorry’ while he sported his infamous puppy-dog eyes. You give a smile to ease him. Today wasn’t about you or Changkyun, you needed to remind yourself and Hoseok of that fact.

━━━☆

As happy as you are for Hoseok, you couldn’t focus on the ceremony at all. How could you when Changkyun is only a couple of feet away? You were stiff the entire time. You had to strain yourself to focus on the couple in front of you because you knew you would start crying if you were to look at him one more time. Changkyun, however, was the opposite. He couldn’t keep his eyes off you. He was taking notice of what had changed since he last saw you. It was the first time he had seen you with coloured hair – he thinks it suits you. You looked more mature, which made sense, but you had a different air around you which he couldn’t quite put his finger on. As he watched you walk down the aisle so confidently, he had the wind knock out of him. A flood of emotions went through him; regret that he couldn’t watch you become the woman you are now, melancholy as he is reminded of the memories he shared with you, and trepidation at the thought of what he would say to you and what you would say to him.

“I, now, pronounce you, husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.” The infamous line breaks you out of your daze just as Hoseok kisses his wife. You joined everyone in cheering for the two – finally feeling a sense of happiness since you’ve seen Changkyun. You dare to look at him as the couple walk down the aisle to see he’s still looking at you. You didn’t know what to do. You couldn’t even find it in you to give him a small smile and he couldn’t either. It was painfully awkward. Luckily, it wasn't long until it was your turn to walk down the aisle.

Jooheon meets you in the middle of the aisle confusing your partners, but he links arms with you without hesitating. “You saw him, right?” Jooheon whispers as you pass the man in question.

His eyes never leave your form as you continue to look ahead. “How could I not?” You answered with gritted teeth. “Did he receive my letters?”

Jooheon nodded which made you swear under your breath. “Didn’t you want him to read it?”

“Of course, but that’s because I thought I would never see him again in my life.” You sigh as you wait in the lobby for the photographer to call you back to take photos.

“Isn’t this good though? You guys can talk about what happened.”

You turn towards Jooheon to make sure no one can hear your conversation. “I’m not interested in talking about what happened Honey. I just wanted to say everything I didn’t get to say and be done with it.”

Jooheon’s eyebrows furrows in confusion. He understood where you were coming from, but he couldn’t help but think you were being selfish. “How is that fair on Changkyun, y/n?”

“How was it fair on me, Jooheon?!” You snapped before you could stop yourself. The people close to you look your way. You turn to Jooheon in a quieter voice. “Let’s just drop it. Just not today, okay?”

“You always want to drop it, y/n. Not today, not ever.” Jooheon rolls his eyes finally letting out the truth.

You frowned. “It’s Seokie’s wedding Jooheon. There’s a time and a place.”

“Really? Because in these past five years there didn’t seem to be such a thing?” You are shocked at Jooheon’s sudden frustration about the subject. During the past years, he had done nothing but avoid the topic. Clearly it wasn’t because that’s what he thought was the best but because he knew he couldn’t talk to you about it. “You’re not the only one that had a lot to say, y/n.” Jooheon says.

You gritted your teeth. “He was the one that left without a word. Not me.” Before Jooheon could argue further the photographer called the wedding party up.

Of course, the photographer wanted a photo of Hoseok and the bride with their high school classmates. You cling to Hyungwon and Jooheon to protect either side. You notice Changkyun stands a couple of meters behind you with Chansoo and Hyunwoo. “Can we have the tall one switch with you?” The photographer points to Hyungwon and someone from behind. Hyungwon gives you a smile before switching with the said person. You let Hyungwon go and look over at who he was switching with. Your heart stops as you watch Changkyun make his way over to you. He had changed a lot. He looked thinner but he was still as fit as ever. His jawline was as prominent as his nose and his shoulders looked broader than you remember – if that was possible. For once, he didn’t meet your eyes as he walked over to you and that gave you the confidence to stare at him. You couldn’t really see him all the way from the altar. He had pierced his ears and long dark hair that framed his forehead. You hated just how good he looked without you. Jooheon and the rest of the student council watched the two of you. You turn to look ahead once Changkyun reached you. “Perfect!” The photographer says giving everyone a ‘thumbs up’. Your body heated up at the feeling of his arm brushing against your shoulder. It was sheer torture. It was the longest three minutes of your life. Thankfully, the photographer requested everyone who wasn’t a part of the wedding party to step down, which made sure there wasn’t any room for either of you to say anything.

━━━☆

Due to the photographer being so efficient, the photoshoot was no nonsense and very professional. You couldn’t even have the time to pick up where you and Jooheon had left off because right when the photoshoot ended you were being swept away to head to the reception. It looked like the world wasn’t entirely against you since you weren’t “coincidentally” made to sit at the same table as Changkyun like in the movies. You sat with the newlyweds along with their parents and the rest of the bridesmaids and groomsmen. You momentarily forgot about your predicament while listening to everyone’s heartfelt speeches. You laughed and held back your tears. It was a truly magnificent experience – one you really wanted for yourself someday.

“Y/n! I’m so sorry I had no idea that Chansoo would have brought him as his plus one.” Hoseok apologises the second he could. After the events finished, the bride and groom started making their rounds of greeting and thanking their guests.

You smiled at the wonderful man. Even at his own wedding, he still looks after everyone else. “Seokie, don’t worry about it. It’s your wedding, act like it.” You lectured lovingly.

He kisses your hand in appreciation. “You’re the best.”

“I know,” You chuckle and send him away to his lovely bride to continue greeting their guests. Jooheon had left your side to socialise with his coworkers – as if he doesn’t see them daily. He was clearly avoiding you which made you roll your eyes.

“It’s been a while, little one.” A warm familiar voice catches your attention. You turn towards the voice to see Chansoo hovering over you with a smile.

You stood up to greet your childhood friend. “Chansoo, it’s so good to see you.” You both hugged each other naturally. “You haven’t changed one bit.” You laughed taking in his appearance.

“Wish I can say the same about you. You’re not so little anymore.” He replies getting his hand swatted away when he tried to rub your head like he used to. He laughs seeing that you haven’t forgotten his little habit towards you. “Do you wanna dance?” He asks extending his hand out for you. You give him a smile despite the ominous feeling in the pit of your stomach. You took his hand and let him lead you to the dance floor. Your eyes tried searching the room for any sign of Changkyun, but you couldn’t find him. It was the first time that night you looked for him. “What have you been up to?” He asks as he places his free hand on your waist.

“The usual; managed to graduate for my bachelor's and I’m a fashion designer now. What about you?”

“Fashion designer? Who would have thought?” You smile in agreement. “After my service, I decided to become a policeman. I finished my training two years ago.”

He spun you around making you laugh. “That’s really good.”

“Do you have a boyfriend?” Chansoo asks as he pulls you to his chest.

“Not really,”

“Not really?” He repeats amused raising an eyebrow at your answer.

Before you could explain you hear someone clear their throat from behind you. You both turn to the interrupter, and your knees went weak. “Can I cut in?” No.

“Be my guest,” Chansoo answers for you. No. You wanted to scream. “I hope to see you more from now on, y/n. I’ve missed you.” Chansoo gives you a kiss on the cheek before handing you over to his brother.

He transfers your hand to Changkyun’s not giving you time to run away or refuse. Your hand tingles at the feeling of his calloused hand on yours. You felt like you had been frozen in time unable to function. The feeling of his hand on your waist was a different feeling compared to Chansoo’s; it ignited a fire inside you that you didn’t want to exist. You placed your hand on his firm shoulder and began to follow his movements. “It’s been a while.” You flinched from his touch upon hearing his voice. You stepped back and stared at his face; the two of you no longer dancing. It's been a while? That's all you have to say after all these years? Tears filled your eyes just as quickly as he appeared back in your life. You ran out of the room not wanting him or anyone see you cry. You ran into the garden sobbing. “Y/n,” He called after you. Just like old times, always chasing after you when you were upset. The thought felt bittersweet. He pulled you into his chest and cradled your head. “I’m sorry,” He whispers into your hair making you choke. “I shouldn’t have come; I knew I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry, I’ll leave.” You squeezed your eyes feeling a sense of déjà vu. You couldn’t believe that the boy who only brought you happiness and love now only caused you pain and heartbreak. “I just needed to let you know; I love you, I always have, I always will. I’m so sorry.” You were processing his confession when he kisses your forehead and lets you go for the second time. You felt numb as he placed an envelope into your hand and turned to leave. You watched his figure walk away from your vision before dropping on the stone bench next to you. Your mind was reeling, and you were sure your makeup was just as much of a mess as your heart was. You turn your attention to the envelope in your hand. It was the same envelope you had used to send your letters, but it had been worn out from the travel across countries, and it was thicker than you remembered. You pull out the letters you had written to see he had written ones himself. You gasp and start sobbing once again. Why did it turn out like this? It wasn't meant to be like this. Not when it came to him. You cried as you began reading his letters.

━━━☆

Y/n, the first thing I wanted to say after all these years is, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for leaving, I’m sorry for the pain I have caused you, and most of all I’m sorry for not being strong enough. In truth, I’m not the amazing person you wrote about in your letters. In truth, I’m cynical and judgmental, I’m selfish and harsh. In truth, I never believed that I deserved to be in your life. I know you have several questions and I know that’s because I never chose to share my feelings or thoughts with you.

I never seem to do anything right when it came to you. When I first met you, I feared you. You were something so bright and innocent unlike myself who was so shy and gloomy, so I hurt your feelings and pushed you away. But after the first day we met, and I saw how upset you were by my words, I didn’t want to see you upset ever again. You were something foreign to me – kind of like an alien. For days, I watched you play by yourself talking to the sky and smiling as if it said something back. I didn’t understand it at the time, but I knew you were different than the rest. When my parents told me, your parents were rarely home I felt the need to protect you just like I protected the idea of dinosaurs existing. As I got to know you, I found you fascinating. You were so fierce yet so pure. You were something so unknown to me, and I wanted to figure you out.

I liked you from the start. At first, I excused it as brotherly-affection and the need to protect you. But I knew it was more when my blood boiled, and I saw red when I found out about the people who were bullying you. You had no idea how much I had to restrain myself from not beating them up from where they stood but I knew it might change the way you thought of me. You might become scared of me and that was the last thing I wanted. I did as much as I could without you knowing. I didn’t know what I would do if something were to happen to you.

I knew it was more when I felt a tinge of jealousy when you liked Jooheon. I thought, what was so great about him and not me? I was confused when that thought crossed my mind when I noticed your infatuation. I didn't understand why I cared so much to the point I resented Jooheon for a while. Everything I liked about him as a friend, I suddenly couldn't stand. I would compare myself against him and wonder what did he do to make you look at him like that? I knew it was more when I felt relief when you didn’t like him anymore. Everything with Jooheon went back to normal once you got over your crush on him. I didn't overthink everything I did in contrast to him. I didn't tense at every single interaction you had with him anymore. Even though I didn’t understand why I felt that way, all I knew was that it was because of you. It's always you.

It doesn’t excuse the pain I have put you through. But I thought you should know why I left without a word or warning. I was in love with you, y/n. I was head over heels in love with you. I would have done anything for you. I took care of you and loved you with my whole heart. And no, I did not expect anything back in return nor did I want anything back. I was completely satisfied being your best friend for the rest of my life. I swear on my life, everything I did for you was from my heart with nothing but pure intentions. I was content with being able to be in your life. All I wanted was to be there for you and make sure you were okay. I didn't love you because I wanted you to reciprocate my feelings, I loved you because of who you are, because of everything that you are.

When I accepted my place in your life, I knew that meant I would have to see you love and be loved by someone else. When Hoseok came to the picture, I could see it happening. I watched as you fell for him just like I had fallen for you. It was painful to know that you would never look at me with a light in your eyes like I hung the stars up in the sky for you. But I promised myself I would be okay with it, I told myself I was willing to go through that pain and I held on for so long. I swear to you I was going to stick by you with everything I have. I swear I was going to.

But then I did something stupid. For once, I let myself be selfish with you and it ruined my resolution. When I watched your heartbreak when you saw him kiss another girl, I felt like I was staring at my own reflection. It was like I was watching myself cry over you while you love someone else. I was filled with a lot of emotions; anger that someone made you feel heartbroken and sadness that you couldn’t spare me a look. With all the chaos that was going on in my head, I opened pandora’s box by kissing you. That kiss ruined me. It gave me a glimpse of what could have been. How can I stand by your side as your friend when I know how you taste? How can I be your best friend when all I wanted was to make you mine? It's insincere. I can't look you in the eyes and lie to you. I tried, trust me y/n, I really tried. Fuck, I was even your “friend”-date for prom, y/n. I held you in my arms multiple times, but you were never mine to hold. This doesn’t excuse a thing and it was selfish on my part I know that. But I couldn’t handle the idea of not being able to love you with all of me. I couldn’t handle the idea of someone else loving you in my place. I wanted to be that person for you. I wanted to be your person.

I watched you become an independent and strong woman and it made me fall in love with you even more. You were always the strong one between us, y/n. I watched as you became someone that didn’t need me in your life – maybe you didn’t need me in the first place, but I fooled myself to believe that you did. Because I watched you grow into the person you are, I thought you would be better off without me. I felt guilty to be by your side while thinking of you in ways you never thought of me. I began to doubt our friendship. Were we only friends because I was in love with you? Was everything I had done for you was because I wanted you to look at me as a man? I didn’t know what to believe anymore. But I felt like I was taking advantage of your friendship. Everything you had done for me came from pure intentions, out of the goodness of your heart. At the beginning, when I didn’t realise my feelings for you, I can guarantee it was the same for me. But when I realised how I felt, how can I say for sure? The lines blurred. I didn’t know what was what anymore.

I wanted to distance myself from you, y/n. Even though you had moved on from Hoseok just like you did with Jooheon, I knew there was just going to be another one. I knew that I would never be the one for you. I was really frustrated at the time. I wished I could go back to the days where I thought nothing more about the way my stomach fluttered when you took my hand in yours or the way my heart swelled in pride and adoration when you fell asleep next to me. I really wished I had never figured out the way I felt about you because once I knew, I knew I wouldn’t be able to be in your life anymore. The idea of never being able to have you haunted me for years. The feeling of your warmth suffocated me at night and our first kiss consumed all my senses.

That was the reason why I left. It doesn’t excuse a single thing, but I wanted to give you, my reason. There wasn’t a day that went by where I don’t think about your face that day – your heartbroken expression, the trembling in your voice when you begged me to stay, and the feeling of what could have been promised by your kiss. I wanted to give you the world, y/n – as a friend and as someone who loved you. Regretfully, I failed to keep the promises I made to you and myself. I promised myself to never hurt you, but I ended up hurting you the most. I promised myself to take care of you like no other, but I ended up pushing you away. I promised myself not to ruin our friendship, but I did. I am so sorry for the way everything turned out between us. I am the only one to blame. I am sorry for being a coward. I am sorry for not being able to love you in this life. If you still mean what you said, I hope to meet you in another life as well and I promise, I will love you with no reservation, with no fear, and with all of me. You will always be my person, y/n.

━━━☆

Changkyun walked to the reception to grab his things and leave. He congratulates Hoseok on the way before making his way to the exit. “Kyun!” He hears Jooheon call for him. “Where are you going? Did you talk to y/n?” Jooheon asks once he reached him.

“Yeah,” He answered somberly. “You were wrong Joo; it was a mistake coming here.” He watched his friend’s expression fall. “I should go.” Jooheon watches Changkyun leave to hail a cab before going to find you.

Changkyun gets in the backseat of the cab with a sigh. He presses his head on the side of the window as he recalls your face. He squeezed his eyes as your pained expression lingers in his head. He can’t ever do anything right. Why did he think it was going to be a good idea? You weren’t living in a fairytale. There is no happy ending. He ruined any chances of that a long time ago. It was naïve to believe there was any hope. He didn't deserve it; he didn't deserve you. Changkyun sinks himself further into the seat as he reminisces about the simpler days.

───────── ☾ • ☽ ──────────

“Pwetty pwease.” You begged executing the most puppy dog of eyes you could. Changkyun watched your expression in amusement, half wanting to make fun of you and the other half wanting to give in. “It’ll be fun, I promise!” You bargained with an empty promise.

It didn’t fool him at all. “What will I get if it’s no fun though?”

“Whatever you want!” You exclaimed desperate to get Changkyun to play pretend with you. Your answer made Changkyun smile and finally accept your request. He always puts up a fight whenever you asked him to play pretend, but he always ends up agreeing. “Yay! Okay let’s play a wedding game!”

Changkyun nearly choked on air at your suggestion. “What? Why would we play something like that?!”

It was your turn to be amused. “Why not? You’re not scared of cooties, are you?”

“Cooties are for babies.” He rolls his eyes.

“Great, let’s get ready for our wedding then.” You say before running off to grab your props. Changkyun stands there stunned and flushed. He already regrets agreeing to play pretend with you. He watched as you pull your grandmother towards Changkyun’s direction. “She will be the person that says the things. I don’t know what they’re called.”

“A wedding officiant.” Your grandmother advised you, but you didn’t care as you ran back into the house. “Are you excited to marry my granddaughter, Kyun?” Changkyun groans in embarrassment at your grandmother’s teasing.

“Chansoo! Just do it, for once.” You pulled Chansoo into the backyard with you. If Changkyun was embarrassed by your grandmother being a witness to this play pretend, he wanted to die now that Chansoo is involved.

Chansoo sees Changkyun’s expression and smirks. “It would be my pleasure to walk you down the aisle, y/n.” Yeah, he is never going to hear the end of this.

Your grandmother announces the bride’s arrival. Changkyun watches you walk with Chansoo towards him. Despite him dreading this, he found himself giving you a shy smile when you beamed at him. The “wedding” itself was boring in his opinion. Your grandmother was talking about how weddings work, and he didn’t really pay attention to that. Why would he anyway? “Now for the vows,”

‘Vows? What are vows?’ Changkyun thought. Luckily you decided to go first taking the lead as usual. “I promise that you will always be my number one person and that you can always count on me!” You promised to Changkyun making him smile.

You and your grandmother look at Changkyun for his turn. “Do I make a promise now?” You nod your head excitedly. “I promise that I will be your protector from anything and that you can always count on me too.”

“You can’t copy my promise, Kyun!” You pouted.

“I don’t know what else to promise.” Changkyun shrugs.

“That’s fine, Changkyun. I, now, pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride.” Your grandmother continues with the ceremony.

Changkyun refuses with indignation making you roll your eyes. “I knew it, you’re scared of cooties.”

“I am not!” He shouts.

“Then kiss me!” You were only teasing him. It was fun to make the stoic “mature” boy flustered. He began to sputter excuses making you laugh. “Fine, fine. Let’s just pinky promise to seal our promises.” Changkyun agrees and you lock pinkies. You close your eyes and smile. “I promise our friendship will never go extinct like the dinosaurs!”

Changkyun smiles at that and closes his eyes in turn. “I promise I’ll never leave your side.” That was the first promise you had made to each other, and you both intended to keep your promises. But that’s not how life goes, and promises are made to be broken.

━━━☆

“Stop staring at your girlfriend and concentrate!” His club mate scolded him since he was watching you walk away from dropping him off his clubroom.

“She’s not my girlfriend.” He grumbles in discontent but looks away, so he doesn’t get in trouble.

She rolls her eyes and smirks. “Yeah right, none of my friends would drop me off every single day at my club whether they’re a girl or boy. If you two aren’t together, you must like each other.”

“You must have shitty friends then.” Changkyun retorts earning a shove from her. He was used to this banter. Ever since you two were in kindergarten, your friends would find it weird how close the two of you were. Both of your families found it endearing so you never really cared. Chansoo gives Changkyun a hard time every now and then by teasing him about you and your “marriage”, but it never really phased him. If anything, the only reason why it annoyed Changkyun was he didn’t understand why there was a need to romanticise your relationship.

Because of your closeness, he knew you like the back of his hand. So, when you came into class the next morning sporting a plain band-aid on your knee, alarm bells went off in his head. You told him everything but instead of heading his way to tell him your “embarrassing” story of how you hurt yourself, you gave him a wave before sitting on your seat. “Trouble in paradise?” One of your classmates teased Changkyun making him roll his eyes.

You were unusually quiet for the rest of the day. Changkyun doesn’t know why he doesn’t just ask but he never had to before. You would always tell him anything and everything with no reservation. You were an open book, at least with him. Whatever was bothering you must have been something serious so he shouldn’t pry. You would tell him if you wanted him to know. That’s what he told himself but that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t try to make you feel better. “What’s this for?” You asked Changkyun as he hands you an unopened orange juice box after you drop him off to his club.

Changkyun’s heart felt lighter at your smile. “Compensation for dropping me off all the time.”

You laughed for the first time today. “No need, I’m more than happy to drop you off. It’s our time together after all.” That was the last thing you said before you stopped dropping him off at his club.

You gave him excuses upon excuses as to why you had to leave school as soon as possible but he saw right through it. He knew something was up when he ran into your grandmother on his way home dressed to the nines when she was supposed to be “bed-ridden with the cold” as you said. Changkyun had devised a plan to get you to spill your guts but that failed when you decided to lie once again but this time it was about your grades. You were failing Mathematics? He knows you average eighty-five at least. “You guys go ahead. I’ll wait for y/n.” Changkyun tells your friends as they reached the school gate. They didn’t even question it. They left him fake kissing each other before Eunkyung hit the back of their heads to knock it off. Changkyun chuckles and waits till they’re out of his vision before he retraces your steps.

He was rounding a corner when he saw your figure being crowded by a few familiar faces. He hid behind the wall out of instinct. “Didn’t your mother teach you some manners and say please?” He hears a girl crudely speak to you.

He was about to intervene when he heard your voice. “Didn’t yours?” It was the first time he ever heard you speak like that. As he continued to listen, he learns that they were giving you a hard time because of him. His eyebrows furrow in confusion. Is that why you didn’t tell him? Because he’s the reason why you’re going through hardship?

Changkyun hears footsteps fading away before he hears your voice. You were on the verge of tears and at moments like this, Changkyun was always there for you. He wants to be there for you, but he can’t. “Stop being pathetic, y/n. Changkyun can’t be there for you every single time.” He hears you scold yourself. “Grow up.” You said to yourself bitterly. You were right and you both knew it. So, Changkyun didn’t help you for the very first time in your friendship.

Changkyun noticed you wore your old school shoes the next day. He didn’t see what happened yesterday, but he assumed it had something to do with that. You had been wearing it for a week without any complaint. Whenever anyone brought it up you brushed it off with a lie. “Hey, Eunkyung.” Changkyun greets your mutual friend. “Give this to y/n, say it was yours.” He hands her second-hand school shoes. It was used but it was still in good condition.

Eunkyung looks at him confused. “First of all, where did you get this? And second, you give it to her.”

“I bought it from the shop, and she’ll find it weird if I give her girl shoes.” Changkyun shrugs.

Eunkyung looks at him with a smirk. “And they say romance is dead. Did you spend your allowance on these just because she’s been wearing her old shoes?” Changkyun mumbles a ‘yes’ avoiding her eyes. “It’s not that romantic if she thinks it’s from me. She won’t fall in love with you if she doesn’t know about the things you do for her.”

“Shut up and give it to her.” That made Eunkyung laugh and accept his request.

It was eating him alive watching you go through this. He didn’t know whether what he was doing was right or wrong. It started getting worse. Changkyun walked into school to see you sitting in front of an old desk filled with graffiti. You didn’t even look at him. Do you hate him now? Are you blaming him for this? Your eyes never left the front of the classroom for the entire morning. After the first period ended, he chased after your homeroom teacher in the hallway. “I need a new desk.” He pants as he enters the teacher’s lounge.

“Hello to you too, Changkyun.” Your homeroom teacher greets him. “There’s nothing wrong with your desk. Y/n’s desk on the other hand.”

“Are you going to fix it?” Changkyun cuts him off by stepping in front of him.

He looks at him with a smile. “Of course, I’ll have it fixed by lunch.”

“If you’re busy I can look for one.”

Mr. Lee raises his hand to stop his student. “It’s okay, I’ll take care of it. If this happens again though, I’d have to get y/n’s parents involved.” Mr. Lee watches Changkyun scrunch his face in confusion making him chuckle. “If y/n is getting bullied then her parents should know so we can take the necessary steps.”

“And what would that be?”

“Well, it depends on the parents. They might want to confront the kids and if so, they might get suspended but that could make matters worse, or they might want to transfer schools.” Changkyun’s stomach dropped. At his expression, Mr. Lee reassures. “Don’t worry, I’m sure everything will be okay. Y/n’s a good kid.” Changkyun nods agreeing before bidding him goodbye.

Like Mr. Lee had promised, your desk had been replaced. Changkyun watches your face relax for the first time that day. He didn’t know what to do. Should he step forward and admit that you were getting bullied and risk the chance of you moving away or does he continue what he’s doing and try as best as he can to minimise the damage? He sighs resting his head on his desk.

Changkyun decides to be your guardian angel as best as he can. He was the one that placed your gym shoes back after they had been stolen and hung up to mock you. He started sneaking in extra snacks once he noticed your lunch was getting stolen. It was all worth it if it meant that he made your days a little less crappy. He still questioned everyday if he should confront you or go behind your back and put an end to it, but he didn’t want to upset you any further. He contemplates what he should do usually at the break of dawn as he walks to school. The streets were quiet. He had overheard your bullies talk about doing something to your desk after school, so he decided to go to school early to assess the damage. He ate a granola bar on the way not wanting to have breakfast at home and wake his parents up. He entered the classroom and head straight towards your desk. It was stained with juice. He sighed before making his way to the janitor’s closet. He started scrubbing the desk as best as he could. If all else fails, then he’ll swap your desk with his and clean it throughout the day. This went on for a week or two before you caught him. He had woken up later than he was supposed to, so he was frantically trying to get everything cleaned when you came in. You ran into his arms and broke into tears. That’s when he knew he had made the wrong decision. He shouldn’t have kept his mouth shut. He shouldn’t have been satisfied with helping you in the background. He shouldn’t have been selfish or a coward. He’ll take care of you as he promised.

“Hyung, I need your help.” Changkyun begs as he enters his brother’s room.

Chansoo was laying on his bed tossing a football up in the air when he came in. “What do you want?”

“Y/n’s being bullied, and I don’t know how to deal with them.”

Chansoo sits up properly taking the subject seriously. “And why are you asking me of all people?”

“Well, you’re my biggest bully so who’s better to deal with a bully than someone who is one themselves.” Changkyun retorts sarcastically.

His answer doesn’t please his brother as he goes back to lie down again. “Alright, you’re on your own.”

“I’ll do whatever you want.” Changkyun negotiates.

Chansoo raises an eyebrow interested. “Really? Even join the football team with me?” Changkyun groans. He’s hated football since he was young when Chansoo constantly threw the ball at his face. It was also unnecessarily tiring. Why would anyone enjoy something that drains them? He doesn’t like sports; he hates any form of exercise, and he wouldn’t ever be caught dead engaging in any form whatsoever, but this was you they were talking about.

“Fine,” Chansoo beams. “What are you going to do?”

Chansoo gets up and ruffles his little brother’s hair. “Don’t you worry your dumb little head bro. Just worry about getting the girl.”

━━━☆

“Ayo, I’m Joohoney onehunnid.” The new kid introduces himself, making the entire class laugh. Changkyun smirks amused while your face scrunches up in annoyance. “I’m kidding, I’m Jooheon. Nice to meet you.” He goes to his seat greeting his fellow classmates with confidence.

As he passes the two of you, he meets your gaze and salutes you. You scoff finding him obnoxious. “I already hate him.” You whisper to Changkyun.

“He seems fun. Do you hate fun, y/n?” Changkyun teases.

“Yeah, that’s why I’m friends with you.” You stuck your tongue out at him.

Jooheon became a hit in your year. Whether or not you like him, you knew him – was a common line whenever Jooheon was brought up and it was true. Most of the girls shared the same opinion as you and steered clear of him but the boys loved him. They found him funny and cool. Unfortunately for you, Changkyun was one of those people. As time went on, Jooheon had become the closest person to him – excluding you, of course. It was nice for him to finally have a close male friend that wasn’t older than him or related to him. However, due to their closeness, Jooheon was constantly in his ears about you.

“Yo, tell your girlfriend to stop glaring at me whenever I open my mouth.” Jooheon nudges Changkyun as they look your way. Sure enough, you were glaring at him, but your eyes softened when they shifted to Changkyun.

“Don’t say something that’ll make her glare at you then.” Changkyun chuckles giving you a dimpled smile. “And I already told you, she’s not girlfriend.”

Jooheon looks at Changkyun like he had just told him his cat died. “Bro, when I say ‘hi’ she just gives me that look.” Changkyun chuckles knowing it’s true. “And I guess she’s more like your crush then since you two aren’t officially together – you guys might as well be though.”

He has heard this so many times, if he had a penny for every single time he heard it, he would be rich. But when there’s smoke there must be fire, right? He’s not oblivious. He noticed that you two are closer than normal friends. He knows that you both would go the extra mile for each other and treat the other like no other. But you've known each other since you were little and at this point you are like family to each other and that explains your closeness. That’s what you always told people so what would compel Changkyun to entertain the idea, in the first place? Changkyun never really thought about you in any other way. He understands where everyone is coming from; he can see where they’re coming from.

Even when he did try to test the waters to see what it would be like; you wouldn’t give him anything to go by or he couldn’t bring himself to see you that way. You simply brushed it off like it was nothing because to you it was. Changkyun watches as you don’t even bat an eye at his “confession”. He thinks he could like like you, but you wave it off as nothing clearly shows you don’t entertain the idea. You’re unwavering when he looks you in the eyes and tells you, you're the prettiest girl in the world knowing he genuinely means it, clearly shows that you don’t hold meaning to his words. You being able to look him in the eye and tease him for it clearly shows that to you, it’s not even a possibility. He was fine with that; again, he didn’t see why he had to think of you any other way.

━━━☆

He swears he never thought about you that way. He always thought of the world of you; you were a delicate flower growing despite the harsh environments surrounding it. He admired your strength and heart. That was all it was. He swears as he watches you in your peaceful slumber. Your head on his shoulder causing your hair to fall over your face. He lightly brushes it away and you twitch in your sleep. He pauses, his hand hovering over your cheek. You hum and nestle your cheek against his hand prompting them open. A small smile plays on your lips as if you know his touch even in your sleep. He swears he never thought about you that way. But how can he not think about the way you searched for his touch? How can he not think about the way your hand squeezed his searching for his presence? How can he not think about the happiness evident on your face once you find him? How can he stop thinking about you that way once he started? Every single smile, every single touch, every single look was no longer the same for him.

You were the same. The same unwavering spirit he always admired. You looked, smiled, and treated him the same. It was only different for him. He swears he’s okay with that. If you are in his life, as long as he’s in your presence, he’s happy. He’s happy he gets to hear your thoughts, he’s satisfied to hear you laugh at his jokes, he’s complete if he gets to be there for you when you need him. He swears he’s okay with it. Ignoring the ominous feeling in the back of his mind when he saw you kept Hoseok a secret. Ignoring the way his stomach dropped when you finally told him you liked Hoseok. The feeling he had when you liked Jooheon resurfaced but this time he understood why.

“It’s scary liking someone, you know?” You asked rhetorically, Changkyun knew that. He knows you didn’t think he would be capable of knowing. But he does. He knows all too well. The despair of watching someone you like fawn over someone else. The helplessness you feel when the person doesn’t seem to catch the hints you’re giving. The ugliness brewing inside you in jealousy and contempt. He tries to feign disinterest as much as he can.

But sometimes, it was hard to not let jealousy rear its ugly head; especially when he sees you and Hoseok talking dangerously close about a presumptuous topic that could lead to it. He hated himself for it. The look on your face was enough for him to want to run the other way to give you your privacy back. He didn’t like that side of himself. That’s why he stupidly does nothing after you told him you were going to confess your feelings. What could he do? He couldn’t be selfish with you; he had no right. That’s what he told himself. That’s what he promised himself.

All of his resolve went out the window upon seeing your heartbreak. It was like looking at himself in the mirror. He just wanted to take the pain away for the both of you. He had played it safe for all his life and, for once, he took the risk. He leans forward and meets your lips. It was a rollercoaster of emotions. Anger washed through him as he felt your tears fall against his cheeks. He wanted to pull away, realising he had made a terrible mistake. This was not the right time. As he thinks to move away, your hands reach for his collar grasping it tightly as you kiss him back. His heart soared at the feeling of your kiss. His mind filtering through millions of questions at what this could mean for the two of you. His words left him before he could stop and think about the repercussions of what he was saying. “A kiss may just be a kiss, y/n. But your first should be special; it should be with someone who loves you and cares about you. It shouldn’t just be some guy. If it has to be anyone, it should be me.” He finally lets his selfishness get the better of him as he confesses his feelings to you.

━━━☆

He was a fool. The kiss meant nothing. It changed nothing. When you finally parted, you ran off excusing it as “student council duties”. You avoided him for a couple of days, making him regret his greediness. He had ruined your friendship for a moment of what if. Eventually, you couldn’t avoid each other, and it was awkward. You were visibly uncomfortable, and it broke his heart. So, he pretended it was nothing. He forced a joke and you laughed; genuinely laughed. He watches your face brighten and your shoulders relax. That was the day he accepted his fate. If he had known there was no possibility of you two happening, he wouldn’t have kissed you. If this was all he could be for you; a best friend, a jokester, a confidant, a supporter; then that’s all he will be.

Changkyun had to find a new strength, he didn’t know he had. The love he has for you to be pushed to the back of his mind; replaced with being the best friend you deserved. He ignores the flutters in his stomach as you smile up at him. He distances himself when the thoughts of you suffocate him, which was often since you were always on his mind. Everything about you consumed all of his senses. The way you light up every room you walked into. The way you softly say his name to catch his attention. The way you touch him; light as a feather as if you didn't want to leave a mark on him. But it did. It left trails of sparks from where you had touch him. So much so, he insists that he can feel the ghost of your touch just by looking at it. Every day was a battle to not cross the line again; to not answer his what ifs; to not risk losing you. The days felt long but once they passed, they blurred into one.

It was your senior year, the final chapter of high school. Changkyun helped you run for president; not that he needed to. You won by a landslide. You had cemented the position even before you started your campaign. Gaining respect, admiration, and popularity throughout the years as treasurer. “What do you think of an ‘under the sea’ theme?” Changkyun scrunches his face causing you to laugh. “Yeah, I thought so too.” You sigh running your hand through your hair. Changkyun watches you unwillingly. A wave of adoration floods through him as he takes in the way your hair fell perfectly to frame your face. How can you look so beautiful even when you're visibly tired? It wasn't fair on anyone.

“Shouldn't the social committee be doing this?” Changkyun points out as he rocks your desk chair back and forth.

“The student council needs to approve it. I'm just going through their ideas.” You show the papers in your hand. You were sitting cross-legged on your bed with a sea of paperwork surrounding you.

“The more important question is, who’s going to be your date for the dance?” Jooheon asks walking into to your room after helping himself to your homemade chocolate chips cookies.

Your attention was back to the paperwork in front of you. “Changkyun and I are obviously going together.” You answer offhandedly.

Changkyun’s emotion betrays him as a look of shock flashes through his normally stoic façade. Jooheon takes notice and chuckles, “Does Changkyun know about that?” You raise your head to look across the room at Changkyun.

Your eyes innocent as you analyse his expression. Embarrassment washed over you as you realise your brazenness. “I'm sorry, I don't know why I just assumed that.” You tuck the loose hair behind your ear. “You must have wanted to ask someone else. Don't worry about what I said.”

Changkyun gets up and takes a cookie from Jooheon’s hand. “Hey!”

He walks up to you and offers you the cookie. “There's no one else I would think about but you.” He looks down at you analysing your expression. The sheepish smile on your face as you take the cookie. Did his words get through to you? Is the idea of going together to a dance mean anything more to you? Or is it just second nature to you? A logical assumption based on previous statistics.

━━━☆

Changkyun shifts from one foot to another. He has been to your house more times than he can count. It was a second home to him. But as he stood by the front door in a suit he’s never worn before, he felt like a stranger. You shared everything with him but in the weeks leading up to the dance, you kept him in the dark. He thought you would take him dress shopping like you normally do but you went with your girl friends instead. Only telling him what coloured dress you got so he could match if he wanted. “Time has flown by so fast.” Your grandmother sighs dreamily. “I still remember when you two were just this tall.” She holds her hand out by her hip. “I still remember the two of hating each other.” Changkyun and your grandmother chuckles fondly at the memory. “But now, you’re thick as thieves; partners in crime.” That was the perfect description of yours and his relationship. Two sides of the same coin. Each other’s confidant and right-hand man. Not the love interest; not even star-crossed lovers. The sound of heels clicking on the hardwood floors cuts his conversation short. You appear at your grandmother’s line of vision first. Her gasp causing Changkyun’s heart to race. She places her hand over her heart and her eyes glossing over with happiness. He clasps his hand in front of himself to ground himself. Your grandmother starts recording through her camcorder when you finally appear in Changkyun’s site.

He inhales sharply like he had the wind knocked out of him. You smile down at him softly. Your eyes bright and sparkling complimented by the makeup you put on. Your hair parted on one side; perfectly framed and flowing. One hand uses the handrail to descend the steps gracefully and the other lifting the front of the dress enough for your matching heels to peek through. You reach him letting go off your dress. “What do you think?” You ask giving him a slow twirl. Changkyun feels his knees buckle. His mind imagining the beautiful midnight blue dress into white. You look at him expectantly; none the wiser of what he truly thinks of you.

“Beautiful,” He breathes. He hears your grandmother chuckle causing his ears to turn red. “You look beautiful.”

You smile widens. “I think you look beautiful too.” It was his turn to chuckle. He rolls his eyes making you reach out and give him a light shove. “I mean it.”

“Let's take a photo before you two head out.” Your grandmother breaks the silence. You move naturally to Changkyun’s side. He instinctively placed a light hand on your back. “Okay, you two, big smiles!” You grinned from ear to ear while he offered a small smile. The flash goes off and your smile relaxes. “One more! Be closer, you guys aren't strangers.” You wrapped your arms around Changkyun waist. His arm around you moved to your shoulder wrapping you in a hug. You nuzzle your head into your chest which breaks his cool nature. His smile growing wider as your giddiness rubs off on him. Feeling his happiness, you look up at him. He takes notices and looks back at you. He sees affection in your eyes. Changkyun won't fool himself to think it’s love in your eyes. You look up at him sentimentally; of adoration; reminiscent of who the kid he used to be. A flash breaks Changkyun out of his thoughts. “Beautiful!” Your grandmother commented looking at the photo. “You two should go or you'll be late.” At her reminder, you pick up your dress and give her a hug. Your already at the door when Changkyun gives her a hug before leaving as well. “Enjoy yourselves, okay?”

He smiles. “I'll get her home safe.” Changkyun opens the door for you and offers his hand to help you out. You take it naturally waving goodbye to your grandmother as he ignores the warmth flooding through him from your touch. He opens the car door for you and helps you in before getting in the driver's seat. “You excited?” He asks turning on the engine.

You hum patting your dress down. You think you look ridiculous. Your dress too big and flashy for a student council president. But your grandmother insisted – this would be your last dance in high school after all. “Yeah, I am. I can't wait to see everyone’s reaction to the auditorium.” He chuckles. Of course, you weren't thinking about yourself. “What about you?”

He ponders for a second before shrugging. “This isn't really my type of thing. But if you're happy, I'm happy.” You smile and reach for his hand to hold. Changkyun’s smile falters as he lifts his hand to grip the steering wheel. He stops himself from looking at you when he sees you keep your hand to yourself and visibly shift away. He clenches his jaw knowing he hurt you. But the alternative hurts too much. He's constantly stuck between a rock and a hard place. If he loses himself in you, it only serves as a painful reminder of what he could never have. If he pulls away and sets a clear line between you, he sees your heart breaking. Your happiness is his happiness. Your pain is his pain. There's no winning. The drive to school was in silence; only the songs on the radio occupying the space. Changkyun gets out of the car and opens the door for you. He offers his hand to help you out, but you don't take it. You give him a tight-lipped smile and avoid his eyes. That's fair. You used the car door to step out.

Once your feet touch the ground, committee members rush to you. “Pres, there's an issue with the audio.” Your smile drops from the bad news.

“You look amazing, by the way!” Another member offers before hurrying you.

You pick up your dress about to leave when you remember Changkyun. “I’m sorry!” He waves you off with a smile. “I’ll see you in there!” Once the gym doors shut, Changkyun sighs. It's going to be a long night; he thinks as he rests his head against his car.

As he was about to get out of his car after parking it in the parking lot, his phone rings. He stops and stares at the unfamiliar number on his screen. “Hello?” He answers hesitantly.

━━━☆

“There you are!” Changkyun flinches at Jooheon showing up at his side out of nowhere. “We’ve been wondering where you are.” He taps on the car window, but Changkyun gets out instead. “We thought you decided you were too cool for this and bailed.”

“We?”

“Y/n,” Changkyun nods numbly as he realises the sun has set. He didn't realise how long it had been since he took that call; too many things he needed to think about to care. “You, okay?” Jooheon grips his shoulder to snap him out of it.

“Yeah,” Changkyun answers dazedly. Jooheon can clearly see he was lying but he knew better than to push. Changkyun is never the type to succumb to peer pressure and will only revert further in his shell when pushed. The two walk back to the auditorium in silence.

As they neared, music thumped against the walls. The dance was informal – the door was open, and some students were outside the building having their own private conversations. Jooheon leaves Changkyun’s side the second they enter the room. Changkyun didn’t mind and made his way to the food and beverage table. He helped himself as he contemplated the offer – as if he hadn’t been doing that the past couple of hours. He feels hands on his waist before he hears your honeyed voice. “There you are!” Changkyun had a sense of déjà vu as he turned around to your playful grin. Your cheeks were flushed, and your hair was messier than when he last saw you. He was relieved his disappearance didn’t ruin your night. But the ugly side of him was disheartened at the same time. “Where were you?”

“My dad called.” He lied knowing you knew his dad was overseas and couldn’t reach out often. You believed him easily. “How much did I miss?”

“Not much, we’ve just been dancing. You came just in time, they’re about to announce the homecoming royals.” Changkyun groans as you take his hand and lead him towards the crowded dance floor. The music soon cuts off as the social committee president appears on the little makeshift stage. Changkyun doesn’t listen to the president harp on until he hears your name. A spotlight shines on your figure effectively casting him in your shadow. He watches your figure as you make your way to the stage. Your beautiful gown sparkling under the light; your smile outshining everything else. His jaw clenches when he sees Rowoon offers his hand; a sash and crown adorned on him. You take it graciously and stand on stage for the social committee members to place a tiara on your head and a bouquet of flowers in your arms.

The host asks Rowoon to say a few words before you. As he steps up to the microphone, squeals echo through the room. “I am so touched you all voted for me; it’s a big honour. I usually wouldn’t be able to accept this but with the very own Council President by my side, I feel relieved.” Changkyun rolls his eyes at the corniness. The two shared a smile before he continued. Were the two of you close? When did that happen?

“Be careful,” Jooheon warns out of nowhere causing Changkyun to flinch. “Don’t let his fans see your distaste.”

“When did they get so close?” Changkyun asks as you make your own speech mentioning Rowoon as well.

“Hm, I don’t know. I guess through her student council duties and since he’s the president of the theater club they talk through there.” Jooheon shrugs. Of course, he wouldn’t pay attention to such details. “I’ve seen them together sometimes; having lunch, running errands, walking around. You were off somewhere else every time, so I didn’t get to ask you about it.” Oh. That’s right. Changkyun realises the true weight of the distance he placed between you two. Since he is no longer by your side twenty-four-seven, he misses out on things about you; trivial or not.

The crowd parts to make a circle in the middle of the dance floor. He watches you hand-in-hand with Rowoon as he takes you out on the dance floor. He sees you whispering to each other with coy smiles on your face as you face each other. “I hate to admit it, they look good together.” Changkyun hears a girl comment behind him.

“What do you expect? They’re both good-looking, popular, and cheerful people.” Her friend agrees bitterly. Changkyun watches you dance around the room like he was in a trance. All he could see was your smile lighting up the entire room but he’s still in darkness. All he could hear was yours and everyone’s laughing at a joke he didn’t hear about. He is the one that placed the wall between you. He cannot be angry or upset if you’re no longer standing on the other side of it. This was what he wanted after all.

━━━☆

The boys watched you key a song in when a classmate approached you. Everyone knew Soonyoung as he is a close friend of Jooheon. The boys watch you laugh at what the boy was saying. “She’s changed a lot.” Hyungwon says turning his attention back to his cold fries.

“Yeah, she has.” Changkyun says with a melancholic smile.

Everyone at the table noticed Changkyun’s mood. He has always been quiet and standoffish, but this was different. They could see the longing in his eyes whenever he looked at you. He always looked at you softly and affectionately but this time there was sadness in it too. “What’s going on Changkyun?” Hoseok asked the question everyone was thinking.

“I’m going to the U.S. for university.” The air in the room shifted, at least only to the guys at the table.

“Well, congratulations!” Kihyun offers. They’re happy for him of course but it is a shock. Their first thought automatically goes to you. They would never expect Changkyun to move overseas especially since it’s been established that you’re staying in Seoul.

“When did this happen?” Jooheon asks trying to piece together Changkyun’s train of thought.

“During the formal, I got a call – an offer to study in the U.S. from my dad. I had a lot of time to think about it and I’ve decided to go.”

After knowing he has thought it through, Hyunwoo breaks into a smile. “Well, that’s awesome.” He pats him in the back. “It will be a cool adventure.”

“And challenge.” Minhyuk points out getting a kick in the shin from Hoseok from under the table. “Ow!” He jumps. “What? It is?”

“Y/n’s always said she wanted to visit New York. Now she has a good excuse to.” Hyungwon offers to lighten up the mood.

“Y/n doesn’t know.” He answers their unspoken question. “I don’t want her to know.” He says with conviction. The air heavies as conflict and worry looms over the table.

“Changkyun –” Jooheon starts to argue but you walk over. Everyone stiffens at your presence.

Your smile only darkens their thoughts further. “Come on, let’s dance.” You take Changkyun’s hand without any answer and lead him to the dance floor. His smile doesn’t reach his eyes as he allows you to use his hands to wave around. “I regret not letting go like this with you at our formal.” You giggled and he could offer a nod in response. As the song ends, a slow piano begins to play. The melody light but the mood is more romantic. Everyone slows their pace and pairs up. You look up at him bashfully. How could you still be shy with him even after thirteen years? He offers his hand, and you take it as the singer starts to sing.

Time after time, I tell myself that I'm so lucky to be loving you.

“I regret not dancing with you at our formal.” You confessed. His heart ached at the missed opportunity. His ugly side getting the better of him once again as he left not be able to withstand watching you dance with someone else. But that night, he accepted his feelings. He could no longer ignore the fact that he was not a person deserving to be by your side. That night, he accepted the reality. No more false pretenses. He could no longer be in your life.

I only know what I know. The passing years will show, you've kept my love so young; so new.

━━━☆

“I’m sorry, Kyun.” He hears Hoseok’s sadness on the other line. “I couldn’t not tell her. She loves you more than anyone in the world.” He wanted to scoff. He wanted to deny it and argue but the words didn’t come out. Changkyun tells him it’s okay even though they both know it wasn’t. “Have a safe flight, keep in touch.” Changkyun bids him goodbye as he hears his name being shouted from across the room.

He turns and sees your angry expression first. He hated how beautiful he thought you looked even in your disheveled state. He hated how endearing he found you in your fluffy heart pajamas. As you make your way towards him, he sensed his impending doom. You pushed him with all your might, and he lets you. “You idiot!” You screamed with tears building. Changkyun doesn’t care about the stares. All he could think about is you. “Why didn’t you tell me?” His heart ached. If I did, I wouldn’t be able to go through with it. “Why did you act like nothing was happening?” If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be able to hold back anymore. “Why did you make me think you were only going to be a couple of hours away?” If I didn’t, you wouldn’t be okay. “Why?” Your last cry shot straight through his heart.

He grabbed your arms, and your tears fell as if you were waiting for your anchor to let go. He’s known you all his life. He always had the idea that he had to take care of you; that he couldn’t leave you on your own, that you needed him. But that wasn’t true. You are just fine without him. He was the one that needed you, but he knows he shouldn’t. He is the one that couldn’t be without you, but he knows that he has to. “I’m sorry.” Is all he could give you without weakening his already broken resolve. Overwhelmed with emotions, you kissed him. It was your last plead. He wished he pulled you closer, searing the memory of you into his mind. But he didn’t and your memory faded.

───────── ☾ • ☽ ──────────

It had been a week since you last saw Changkyun. It had been a week since you last spoke to anyone. It had been a week since you left your bed. You gave up rejecting calls from Jooheon; opting to let your phone die. You locked yourself in your room; ignoring Minhyuk and Hyungwon even when they came to visit you. Only ever leaving your room when you hear the door shut after Jaebum tells you he’s leaving. You already felt awful, but you felt worse for ignoring everyone. But you knew what they would say, more like what they would ask. What happened with Changkyun? What does it mean? Has this changed anything? You don’t have answers to their questions and the ones you do have, you weren’t ready to share. Your head turns towards the stack of paper by your bedside. The ink faded through time, the paper crinkled through the handling, blotches of tears stained across the letters. You have read his letters over and over since he gave them to you. It was all too much to get your head around. What were supposed to do with this new information? What did you want to do with it?

Your head turns towards your door, and you hear your knob rattle. A shadow cast against the crack beneath the door. Their whispers muffled as they argued with each other. It must be Minhyuk and Hyungwon again. You sigh and turn over, bringing your blanket to cover you. They will leave soon. That’s what you thought when you suddenly heard your door bust open. “It worked!” Minhyuk’s cheery voice boomed through your quiet room. You cringe not wanting to face them. “It smells!” You roll your eyes at Minhyuk’s teasing.

“Then, get out.” You retort flatly.

“She’s alive.” Hyungwon says calmly with a hint of sarcasm. You feel your bed dip behind you. “How long are you going to be like this for?”

“Hyungwon, she deserves to feel the way she does.” You hear Kihyun’s voice in front of you before you see light from your window shine through your blanket. Of course, he would open your blinds.

“Yes, of course but maybe she should at least move on to the next stage of dealing with it.” Hyunwoo’s deep and logical voice reasons by your feet.

Your curiosity gets the better of you and you peak your head outside your blanket. “Jesus, how many of you are in my room?” You see five pairs of eyes already looking at you. Kihyun was leaning on your desk which was against the window of your room. Hyunwoo was at the foot of your bed with his arms crossed and Jooheon stood next to him with bags under his eyes. Your heart tugs at the sight. Were you the cause for that? Hyungwon was lying on top of your blankets while Minhyuk stands next to him by your bedside drawer. You shot up and reached for the letters opened for anyone to see. Minhyuk had surely seen some of it, but you still held the letters close to your chest. Tears pricked your eyes as you felt pathetic with their pitiful eyes looking down at you.

Jooheon gets on your bed and hugs your head. “It’s okay, you can cry. I’m here.” A tear falls from his comfort. You see the light go darker as Kihyun and Hyunwoo join the hug. “We’re here for you.” You thought you had already cried to last a lifetime, but the flood gates broke through like it was a dam. You feel their hug become heavier when Hyungwon and Minhyuk join. Your crying turns into sobbing as you feel their love and care. The guilt you felt only amplifying.

You cried for what felt like hours; wrapped up in Jooheon’s arms while Hyunwoo rubs your back and Kihyun hands you tissue to blow your nose. Hyungwon holds the bin for you to throw away your used tissues and Minhyuk offers comments to make you crack a smile. “I don’t know what to do.” You sigh sitting up. The boys give you their undivided attention prompting you to confide in them. You tell them what happened at the wedding and how seeing him and speaking to him felt like a shot in the heart. How the hurt you felt throughout the years hit you at once. “He loved me?” You cried exasperatedly. “All this time?” It wasn’t a shock that tears flooded back as you recounted the moment. The silence around you piques your attention. You wipe the tears away and see their body language change. Hyunwoo gave you a tight-lipped smile, Minhyuk avoided your eyes, and Jooheon was clenching his jaw. “What?” They share a look between themselves as if you couldn’t see it. You roll your eyes. “Just tell me.”

“Y/n, the only one who didn’t know he was in love with you was you.” Hyungwon carefully explained.

You tilt your head in confusion, so Kihyun adds. “Y/n, everyone saw the way he looked at you.”

“And everyone saw that you didn’t look at him the same way.” Minhyuk tells you the truth you asked for. “And that’s perfectly fine!” He adds to reassure you. “No one expects you to feel the same way or give him a chance; that’s your right to feel however you feel but…” Minhyuk looks over at the others for back up.

“But we also understood, how painful it would be on his end; to love someone wholeheartedly and never ask for anything in return.” Jooheon lands the final blow. The boys sit in silence as they watch you process this newfound information. Tears prickled your eyes in frustration. How could everyone know but not you? How come no one said anything? Well, that's not true. Everyone always assumed you two were a couple; that had to count for something. Upset by the what ifs flooding through your eyes, you squeezed your eyes and wipe your face. “I'm sorry, y/n. We should have told you.”

“No, it's not your fault. It's mine; I should have said something.”

“Well, Changkyun didn't say anything either.” Minhyuk assures you.

You give him a weak smile. He's right. You both were the only ones responsible for the hurt the other experienced. “So, what happens now?” Hyunwoo asked.

“I don't know.”

“What were you trying to achieve sending him those letters?” Kihyun frames the question differently hoping to unlock clarity in you.

You sigh. “I wanted closure; to move on. I didn't expect him to reply. I definitely didn't expect him to say he felt the same way.”

“So, what are you doing to do about it?” Hyungwon asks causing you to stifle a laugh.

“What is there to do? That was in the past; he had feelings for me. I am just grieving what could have been – which is useless I know, but I need to feel all of this.”

“What if it wasn't?” You furrow your brows at Jooheon’s question. “In the past, I mean.”

You finally let out a laugh. “How could he have feelings for me? We haven't seen or spoken in years.”

“You really don't understand how much he loves you.” You become irritated at their constant highlight of how much he feels for you and how ignorant you are of it.

You get up out of bed for the first time of the day feeling suffocated. “Of course, I don’t know! He chose not to tell me anything. He was the one that decided to leave without a word. I may have been a fool for not seeing what you all see but he was the one that also decided not to tell me. You all decided to not tell me.”

Jooheon gets up and rubs your arms to calm you down. “You're right, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it as a jab or anything. I just mean maybe you will know what to do if you talk to him; honestly and without holding anything back?”

━━━☆

Jooheon was right. The boys knew that. You knew that. But you were not in the right frame of mind to do the right thing. Of course not. That's why you're pumping your arms aimlessly as you lose yourself in the music and alcohol. The boys were against the idea but promised to support you in any way you needed. Of course. That's why they're standing aside watching you with barely any alcohol in their system. It was the first time you left your house, the first time you dressed up, the first time you smiled in a long time. It was a baseless happiness; temporary and shallow. But that's what you needed right now.

At least, that's what you thought. You weren't ready for a conversation; to face the music; to experience another heartbreak. So why are you standing in front of a door you haven’t stood in front of since senior year of high school? Of course, you kept in touch with his parents. Checking in on each other on birthdays and holidays via online messages and the annual call. You haven't been home since you left for college – your parents didn't care enough to have you visit and since your grandmother passed away there was no reason for you to. His parents invited you multiple times for the holidays and you always gave them an excuse; plans with your friends, interning for the summer – they were all true, but you could work in a visit if you really wanted. But how could you go and be reminded of the memories you shared with him and his family? How could sit at the table and talk to his parents without any underlying tension on what happened between you and his son? And you were sure they would tell you what he has been up to in America. Living the high life easily without you. Or worse, run the risk of seeing him after years of radio silence.

All of your worries and hesitations quashed thanks to the influence of the alcohol in your system. How many did you have to drink? The night was a blur. You were too determined to forget the night, you completely lost yourself. All you could remember is the burning of your throat as you force down the shots at the start of the night and the multiple incidents of throwing up on your way to his house. You remember flashes of you dancing despite the soreness in your arms and neck. Laughing and talking to people you can't even picture. Everything was going well. You were forgetting your troubles and dancing the night away. You were doing well to numb everything when a familiar tune starts playing. Your movement stops as nostalgia hits you. It was a song you were obsessed with at one point in time. It was the first song Changkyun had played through his window to drown out the fight your parents were having. It was the song you had danced with him more times you could count. Your thoughts drift back to the bar. The alcohol in your system wearing off from the flood of emotions. You were stumbling on your way to the bar when you looked back at the boys. It was only one second; a moment of distraction before their attention falls back on you; an opportunity to slip away. Despite your fogginess, you maneuver yourself to hide in the crowd as you make your way to the exit. You hurry to hail a cab before they can stop you.

It was a forty-five-minute drive. Forty-five minutes to change your mind. Forty-five minutes to regain clarity. The purging of the alcohol in your system helped you sober up quicker but by the fifth request to pullover, the driver didn’t want to take you any further. It was a fifteen-minute walk. By that point, you were completely sober. The alcohol flushed out of your system. The night breeze refreshing your sweaty skin. Your legs were on autopilot as you walked the streets you’ve walked for the most part of your life. The houses looked smaller than you remember, the street shorter. Fifteen minutes flew by and here you stood. All of the houses dark; the streets quiet given the time of night. What were you doing? Tears pricked your eyes as it finally sinks in. How could you bring yourself to confront him after all this time? You move to step back when the door rips open. Changkyun in the middle of putting his jacket on when he sees you. His hair sticking up in the same peculiar ways it used to when he wakes up from slumber. Like always, Changkyun shows up right in front of you right when you need him. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Your voice soft and broken as the tears slip down your face. Like always, he reaches for you. But this time, he stops himself. His hands hovering over your skin unsure and hesitating. “How could you have not known? How could I have not known?” Your question hurts the both of you; acknowledges the blame is on the both of you.

“I’m sorry,” Your tears stop at the sound of Changkyun’s voice breaking. In your years of knowing him, you had never seen him cry or lose his temper. The unwavering land to your swirling ocean. For the first time, you see distress on his face. You notice the eye bags under his eyes. His unkempt hair sticking out not like he was rolling around in his bed but from pulling it with his fingers. “I wish I did things differently. I wish I did everything differently.” He doesn’t answer your question; he doesn’t need to. The questions you both had for each other were answered in your own respective letters. You were both young, naïve, and insecure. You both placed each other on pedestals; believing one didn’t deserve the other. You both convinced yourself it was one-sided instead of confirming the truth for the fear of permanently losing the other. You both knew if the feeling wasn’t reciprocated, you would have to let them go and move on with your life without them in your heart.

“What would you do now?” Fear seeps into your heart as you asked the question you didn’t have the courage to ask when you were younger.

“Y/n,” He says softly.

He reaches out to touch you. Your stomach drops as you feel your cheeks heat up in embarrassment. Of course, time changes things. Distance doesn’t let the heart grow fonder. His love for you was years ago. Before, he separated himself from you. Before, he met different people. Before, he became a completely new person that you didn't know anything about. Everyone else had moved on. Hoseok got married. Jooheon has a growing social circle. Changkyun is not the same boy you knew. You were the only fool living in the past. You pull away from his touch like he burned you. “No, it’s okay. That’s a stupid question. Forget it. I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m here.”

You turn to leave; to run away but Changkyun spins you around. He cages you in between his arms. His warmth enveloping you. His touch littering goosebumps across your exposed skin. You look up wide-eyed into his sharp eyes. “Even without loving you, you are and will always be my greatest love, y/n.” Your bottom lip quivers overwhelmed with the rush of emotions you’re going through. He takes the hand on his chest and rubs his thumb across your palm; a habit he used to do to soothe you. “I could never lose the love I have for you in my heart. Believe me, I tried. I thought time apart from you would help me move on and forget about you. But there was not a single day where my feelings for you weakened.” You blink to let your tears fall so you can see him clearly; take all of him in. It has been too long since you’ve gone without seeing his face; hearing his voice; feeling his touch. “When I got your letters; when I read how you felt about me, I foolishly thought I might have a chance to right my wrongs. I thought there was a possibility for us to be together. If you tell me, you’re willing to give us a chance despite the hurt I caused you; I would take it in a heartbeat.”

When you wrote the letters to Changkyun, you did it to move on with your life; to close that chapter of your life. Not once did you ever consider that he felt the same way – that he still feels the same way. When you showed up to his door, you hadn’t thought about what you wanted to get out of it. You wanted to yell at him and tell him just how much he hurt you again. You wanted to cry into his arms and beg for answers you already knew the answer to. Your intentions weren’t to love and be loved. Not once did you consider reconciliation – much less a relationship. But maybe things between you two were meant to fall apart in order for the pieces to fall exactly where they needed to be. “Promise me something.”

“Anything and everything.”

“Promise me, you won’t hold anything back this time.”

“I promise.” Changkyun kisses your knuckle endearingly. Your heart starts beating hard in your chest you could feel it vibrating your entire body.

“Promise me, we’ll make up for the lost time.”

“I promise. We’ll take it slow. We’ll start fresh.” He kisses your tear-stained cheek making you smile.

“Promise me, you won’t break my heart again.”

“I promise.” It was your turn to initiate a kiss. You lean forward brushing noses before you meet his lips. He reciprocates your kisses slowly and gently. His hands cup your cheeks and your fingers run through his long dark hair. You felt like you were fifteen years old again. Standing by the bonfire and kissing your best friend for the first time. This is your second chance; a second beginning. This time you won’t run away. This time you will take a chance on love. This time you will love him without any reservation.

[a/n] the epilogue is finally out! only took fifty years - i'm sorry to anyone who anticipated this when the series first came out. i hope you enjoy the final instalment of this series. thank you for reading my work, i really appreciate it <3

꒰ m.list ➭ before ꒱

#monsta x fluff #changkyun fluff #monsta x #changkyun #changkyun angst #monsta x angst #i.m #i.m fluff #i.m angst #monsta x oneshot #changkyun oneshot #i.m oneshot #d.writes #x

16 notes · View notes

heottokes · 8 months

Text

𝐚𝐜𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐞. 60. infinite's time the charm

acquiesce v. to accept something reluctantly but without protest. two strangers are trying to rewrite their story that was already written for them but to do that they need each other. yoongi needs y/n to keep his only dream alive and y/n needs yoongi to keep her secret hidden. so the two strangers form an unlikely alliance of playing pretend.

word count: 5.7k

꒰ m.list ➭ before • after ꒱

“Three minutes ‘til midnight!” A man announced through a megaphone. Taehyung sets up his camera on a tripod as the group gathers around the centre of the camera. While Taehyung makes sure everyone is in the shot, Hyewon works quickly to light up everyone’s sparklers. Hyewon lights her sparkler last as she stands next to Adora. Everyone started cheering and bouncing in their spot; maybe in an attempt to warm themselves but also due to the excitement coursing through their veins. Jungkook and Hobi were arm and arm swaying left and right to the music playing in the distance. Jin and Jimin were taking selfies with their sparklers. Taehyung and Namjoon were next to you and Yoongi exchanging in small talk.

The countdown began. Three! This was the moment. Two! The opportunity for you to tell Yoongi how you felt. One! You look up at Yoongi and he looks back at you. “Happy New Year!” You whispered to each other sharing a small smile. You take in this moment. His features warm from the light coming from the sparkler. His eyes soft and calming staring back into your anxious ones. “I like you.” Time felt like it had stood still. Every second taking a minute to tick over. You watch his expression change in slow motion. His soft smile dropping switching to a pout to match his scrunched eyebrows.

“What?” Yoongi leans closer causing you to withdraw.

You force a smile. “Do you want to head back soon?”

“I thought you would never ask.” You force a laugh. How could you expect anything less from yourself? You never had the courage to own your feelings for Yoongi, why would anything change just because you wanted it to? You don't have confidence in yourself already but how could you when you don't know how Yoongi feels? You know it shouldn't matter. It doesn't change your feelings, but it terrifies you. You can't help it. Even if you were to tell him how you felt, what do you expect to happen? Even if Yoongi felt the same way, he would never kiss you for the first time in front of your friends. He doesn't like the attention or being teased and those two would be guaranteed. And if he didn't? You hadn't even thought of that. Why hadn't you thought of that? If he doesn't feel the same way, there's no way you can avoid him. You have to force someone to switch rooms which means everyone will know about what happened and everyone will become awkward too. You're an idiot. Why did you think this is the perfect moment to tell him? “Are you ready to go?”

“Hm?” You looked up at Yoongi from where you were sitting. After the countdown, you mindlessly drifted away from the group to sit on the ledge. You didn't hear Namjoon’s call for you. You didn't take notice at everyone’s attention. You don't know how long you have been sitting there.

“You seem tired.” Yoongi explained. “Let's go home.” You didn't have the energy to respond. You take Yoongi’s extended hand and leave the beach. What are you going to do? Should you wait until you get back to uni and then confessed? That way, you can avoid the world by locking yourself in your dorm while you grieve. That sounds like the logical option. But you were so psyched to finally tell Yoongi how you feel. Yoongi flinches at your sudden outburst. To let out your frustration, you started sprinting towards the house. Yoongi watches your figure disappear into the night. He just doesn't get what's going on in your head. He thinks to himself before running after you. “That. Was. Stupid.” Yoongi says in between pants. The two of you didn't stop running until you reached the door. Now, the two of you are too preoccupied with trying to breathe that you can't open the door. Ironically, you feel like your arms are going to fall off.

“It's cathartic.” You managed to get out as you shakily insert the key into the hole.

“It's unnecessary.”

“You didn't need to join me.” Yoongi hands you a glass of water before he takes a sip of his own glass.

“True.” He offers. "Want first go at the shower?”

“Please.” You grip your hands together pleading. Yoongi laughs and waves you off. Your smile fades once you leave the room. Tiredness washed over you as the hot water covered your skin. Your nerves were being massaged by the pressure of the shower. This was exactly what you needed to wind down. When you made your way to your room, you hear Yoongi still in the shower. You wanted to wait for him. At least end the night without any ambiguity. He clearly could tell something was on your mind. But the second your body laid down, the second your head met the pillow, slumber came over you. The contrast of the cold sheets and your warm skin from the shower lulling you to sleep. Your mind fighting to relax. Your eyes fighting to stay open. You drift in and out of sleep. You don't even know when your eyes shut. How long you've been asleep for or if you're dreaming. You hear the door open and close softly. You feel the bed dip under Yoongi weight. “Yoongi,” You feel his warmth oozing through the covers. “Yoongi,” You reach out at nothing. You feel like he's right next to you, but you see nothing in front of you. Exactly like how he is always in front of you in real life but never within your reach. "What do you think of me?”

───────── ☾ • ☽ ──────────

When the morning came, Yoongi was nowhere to be found. Did he even come to bed? You touch his side of the bed in thought. What time is it? You rolled over and checked your phone. It was ten-thirty in the morning. Yoongi has never been a morning person but what do you know? He is constantly proving you wrong. A knock on the door interrupts your thoughts. Hobi peeks his head through even without your verbal acknowledgement. When the two of you lock eyes, his smile widens, and he lets himself in. “Morning sleepyhead.” He plops himself on Yoongi’s side of the bed. “You turned in early so we expected you to be the first one up. Must have had a late night.” He wiggles his eyebrows at you. You roll your eyes and push the elbow he was using to prop himself up.

“Nothing happened – not that it is any of your business.” You informed Hobi and roll over to turn your back towards him.

“Why are you so tired then?”

“I had a restless sleep. You know one, where you feel like you’re not asleep? In out of consciousness.” Hobi rubs your back in comfort. “Where’s Yoongi?”

“I don’t know. He was gone by the time I got up.” You look over your shoulder when you feel Hobi get up. “Joon and I are going out if you want to join us? It’s been a while since it’s been us three.” You tell him you’re in and he leaves you to wake up. You rub your eyes tiredly. Your sleep was horrendous. You kept tossing and turning. Your mind slipping in and out of reality and dreaming. Maybe that’s why Yoongi wasn’t in bed. How could he sleep next to you when you’re like that? You make a mental note to apologise to him when you see him.

━━━☆

You didn’t see Yoongi until you were getting ready for bed. It didn’t bother you much since you enjoyed your time with your childhood friends. Hobi was right, it had been a while since you had spent time together just the three of you. They filled you in on what happened after you and Yoongi left. Hyewon left shortly after you with a girl she had met. The rest of the group had a late-night feed where they spent at least two hours at playing drinking games. Hobi and Joon were the designated supervisors – Hobi because he’s no fun when he gets drunk and Joon because he’s not much a heavy drinker anyway. After getting kicked out from the restaurant, Adora dared Jungkook and 2Do to skinny dip in the ocean. Their drunk selves didn’t hesitate to start stripping and running at full pelt to the ocean. Namjoon and Hobi managed to contain 2Do while they were still stripping but Jungkook ignored the stripping part and started running towards the ocean. Jimin and Taehyung had to act quick to chase after him. Jungkook, had the attention span of a goldfish and forgot about running into the ocean and was determined to not get caught by either of them. Unsurprisingly, Jin outwitted Jungkook and caught him while he was distracted by Taehyung and Jimin. You felt bad for missing out on the fun, but you knew weren’t in the right mind to even enjoy any of it at the time.

“Hey,” You greet Yoongi sheepishly from the bed as he entered the room. He flinches at your voice. Normally, you would overanalyse the reaction but to be fair on him, you were laying on your back with the blanket over your head in the darkness. The only reason why you knew Yoongi was in the room is due to the light turning on. From a single glance, anyone would believe no one was in the room. You lower the blanket just enough to see him.

He laughs once he sees you. His laughter relaxes you and you smile back at him. “Hey,”

“What have you been up to?”

Yoongi turns on the lamp by his bedside and switches off the main light. “I got inspired last night. I was at the studio.” He explains as he lays down on his side.

“I’m surprised you’re able to find one at such short notice.”

“Yeah, that’s why I got up early. Had to go around a couple of times.” You take note of his tired expression. He must have had a big day. The second his head laid on the pillow, his eyes were fluttering shut. “How was your day?” You watch him snap his eyes open after a couple of seconds of being shut.

“Good night, Yoongi.” You watch his lips try and form a response, but it never came out. He was trying to stay awake. You smile at the sentiment.

━━━☆

It was the second time you woke up to an empty bed. It was the second time you only saw Yoongi before you went to sleep. “Hey,” You greeted him like déjà vu.

“Hey,”

“How was it?”

“Good,”

You watched him settle into bed. His eyes never met yours. He didn’t laugh when he saw your head popped out from the blanket. “How’s the studio? Is it nice?”

“Yeah, it is.” He lays on his side this time. You open your mouth ready to ask him another question when he reaches for the lamp by his bedside. “Good night, y/n.”

“Good night, Yoongi.” You whisper as the room fills in darkness.

───────── ☾ • ☽ ──────────

“Hey, dumb and dumber.” Taehyung refers to you and Jungkook. Despite yourselves, you look up at the nickname. “What are you doing?” He asks exasperated with his hands on his hips.

“We’re trying to see who can dig the deepest hole the fastest.” Jungkook explains with a blank look in his eyes.

“And you're distracting us.” You snarked before returning to your hole.

“I leave you guys for one minute.” Taehyung shakes his head but leaves you to it. He takes photos of the scenery until he hears Jungkook shout in victory. He watches the two of you argue for a bit before you concede defeat – something you don't do often. “Are you guys hungry yet?”

“I am starving!” You answer rubbing your stomach.

“Weren’t you supposed to find us a nice restaurant to try out?” Jungkook remembers why you were left alone in the first place.

“Yes, and I did but you two were too preoccupied with your game.” Taehyung rolls his eyes and leads the way to the restaurant.

You enter the restaurant and sigh in relief at the heating. The three of you situate yourself at a corner to avoid disturbing any other patrons. After you place your order, Jungkook jumps right to it. “So, what's going on with you and Yoongi?”

You give Taehyung a pointed look and he raises his arms up in defence. “I didn't tell him anything.”

“He doesn't need to. Anyone with eyes can tell something is up between you two.”

You sigh and shrug your shoulders. “Your guess is as good as mine. I don't have an opportunity to confront him – if I were to. He leaves before I wake up and by the time he gets home, he's tired and I don't want to stop him from getting sleep.”

“You're too nice, y/n. If I were you, I would tell him he's not getting a wink of sleep until we sort this out.” Jungkook crosses his arms defiantly. He quickly uncrosses it and bows to the server when she comes over with the side dishes.

“I'm not his girlfriend, Kook.” You pointed out once she was gone. You had no right to demand anything from him.

“And with your lack of communication, you may never be.”

“Damn,”

“Kook, that's enough.” Taehyung interjects once he sees your dejected expression.

“What?” Jungkook asks with chopsticks between his lips as he brings the kimchi closer to him. “I'm just saying.”

“Maybe you should stop saying.” Taehyung gives him a warning look that seemed to come across to Jungkook.

Jungkook looks at your expression and he pulls out the chopsticks from his mouth. He reaches for your hand catching your attention. “Sorry, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.”

You squeezed his hand and offer a smile. “You didn't say anything that wasn't true. I just don't know what I can do about it.”

“The opportunity will come.” Taehyung comforts you as the food arrives. “In the meantime, we’ll keep you busy.”

━━━☆

You can wait for the opportunity to come, or you can make the opportunity happen; at least that's the epiphany you came up with after your conversation with Jungkook and Taehyung. The plan was that you were going to catch Yoongi in the morning. You didn't want to set an alarm in case it would bother the others sleeping in the rooms next to yours, so you were going to stay awake. The boys supported your decision and spent as much time as they can with you before they were dead tired. For the first time, Yoongi came to bed, and you weren't there. He knows you're safe because you're with Jungkook and Taehyung, so he wasn't worried.

By the time, the three of you came home it was four in the morning. You quietly tiptoed around the house – each taking turns for showers at the farthest bathroom away from the rooms. You decided to have a shower last in an attempt to stay up longer. “Thank you so much for keeping me company.” You thanked both of them before they went to bed. They wished you luck and left to go to sleep. This was going to be hard, you thought as your eyes shut from the warm shower. Your tiredness hitting you like a truck now the distractions had gone away. But you managed to speed through another hour by the time all three of you finished your shower. It wouldn't take long now for Yoongi to wake up and you can sort this out. Excited to finally solve everything, you had a second wind. You make your way to your room with determination. You slowly turn the knob and step inside the room closing the door as quietly as possibly. Once the door was shut, you turn towards the bed, expecting to see Yoongi’s peaceful figure but were met with nothing. Your shoulders slump in defeat. Had he left while you were in the shower? Did he even come home? You collapse in the bed allowing the tiredness to overcome you. Another failed attempt.

━━━☆

When you had gotten up, it was three in the afternoon. You dragged your feet as you made your way to the kitchen. “Morning,” You grumble to Adora and Hyewon who were in the living room. The two share a concerning look between each other at the dark aura emitting from you. You make yourself a cup of coffee and sit on the love seat farthest away from them. They had been watching new music video releases before you came in. Now, they're studying you – not that you noticed or cared. Too occupied with your phone, you were searching for any digital footprint of Yoongi. You immediately straighten and set your coffee down. The girls flinch at your sudden movement. They watch as you zoom in on a photo. Your eyes scanning every single inch of your screen before you start typing furiously. You felt a bit better after venting your unfiltered thoughts. God, you were nearly obsessive at this point.

“You know what's long overdue?” Adora asks towards you gaining your attention. “A girls’ night.”

“Yes! We haven't hung out just us girls this entire trip which is downright criminal.” Hyewon agrees. “You're free and up to it today right, y/n?”

How could you say no when the two of them look at you with such pleading eyes? You had a sense of déjà vu as you got ready with the girls. Once again, they were playing music and doing their makeup while you are sat in the back disassociating. You should have said no. You were no fun, and you would only slow the two down. Your mind was preoccupied with Yoongi – as always. He seemed happy with Jin and Jimin. Maybe you did do something to put him offside with you. You were on autopilot mode; following Adora and Hyewon lead, barely partaking in the conversation except for the occasional ‘yeah’, or ‘really?’. You stare at your Twitter feed waiting for another update from Jin or Jimin. “Sorry, guys.” You apologise once you see their message. “I shouldn't have come tonight – I'm just spoiling your fun.” You sigh and put your phone down for the first time today.

“Don't apologise, y/n.” Hyewon reaches out to hold your hand. She squeezes your hand, and you share a smile.

“Yeah, just talk to us. You never know it might help.” Adora offers. You exhale to prepare yourself from venting your thoughts with the girls. They're right. Maybe a different perspective will help. “I'm going to kill him.” Adora remarks picking up her phone after you share what's been going on.

“Adora wait!” You put your hand over her phone. “What are you doing?”

“Well, you can't confront him in person to get answers, right?” You nodded. “Good thing we are living in such a time that we don't need to rely on face-to-face interaction. This is the age of technology, my friend.” She sits back far from your reach and begins to type furiously.

You pick your phone up and see Jin is active in the group chat. Your heart drops at the quick back and forth between Jin and the girls. Thankfully, they didn't give Jin any information to relay to Yoongi. But you were nervous about the blindside Yoongi will be getting. “Yoongi keeps his cards close to his chest. Everyone knows that.” Hyewon reminds you of the most well-known fact about Yoongi. That fact does not ease your concerns. Yes, Yoongi is straightforward and won't shy away from confrontation but that doesn't necessarily mean he will give you the answers you need so easily. “But, if anyone has the ability to have him show his cards, it's you.” You can't help the smile that creeped on your face. The vote of confidence by Hyewon was just what you needed.

“You should be more confident in your power, y/n.” Adora added making you laugh for the first time since New Years. “Yoongi has a soft spot for you – he had it when you were together and even now.”

“You know what?” You asked with a brighter tone in your voice. “You're right!” The girls smile finally seeing you lighten up. “Things didn't work out for me once, or twice, or even three times but that doesn't matter. It's not over until I stop trying. It's not over until I know how Yoongi truly feels.”

“That's the spirit!” Hyewon raises her glass, and you follow in suit. “To, y/n!”

“To my friends! I really would be nothing without you guys.”

───────── ☾ • ☽ ──────────

Your words last night rang true. Where would you be without your friends? You thought seeing Yoongi’s message. A flood of emotions ran through you. Embarrassment by how easy it was to get Yoongi to talk to you. Anxiety at the anticipation of finally getting your answer. And of course, excitement to be with him after a couple of days of distance. You left the Airbnb with a smile playing on your lips. Your relaxed pace turns into a skip in your step that soon turns into a light jog. Before you know it, you were running at full pace. Only slowing down to check your maps to make sure you're on the right track. The building was harder to find given the entrance was in the alley. When you get in, there was no receptionist to greet you. The studio wasn't like the studio by the uni. It was narrow and rundown. The staircase lit up by one flickering light. You ascended the stairs two steps at a time to reach Yoongi quicker. When you make it to his floor, you pulled the stairwell door open. You push your body forward and lean against the wall next to the door as it slowly shuts. Hand over your heart and your eyes shut, you control your breaths to steady yourself. You let out one more exhale before pushing yourself off the wall to go into the room. You jumped seeing Yoongi squatting by the door. “What are you doing out here?!” You shrieked with your hand dramatically over your heart again.

“What are you doing panting?” Yoongi counters with an amused smirk. You bite the inside of your cheek in embarrassment. “Couldn’t help yourself, could you?” He teases further standing up as you make your way to the door.

“Shut up, let's go inside.” You reach for the knob, but Yoongi’s hand gets to your arm before you could. “What are you doing?”

“Let’s go.” He slips his hand in yours as he leads you outside the building. A smile finds its way on your face as your mind fills with the feeling of Yoongi’s hand in yours. The winter breeze welcomed on your warmed cheeks. You watch Yoongi’s side profile as he is a step ahead of you. His jaw set and brows scrunched from the biting cold; you speculate. He leads you back to the plaza and confidently makes his way to one of the stalls. You both order your preference for ramen and as the worker makes it, Yoongi shops for drinks and other finger foods. The worker packs your foods and drinks in two bags for Yoongi. Your disappointment was only for a moment as Yoongi hands you one of the bags to carry on your outside hand and he takes the hand closest to him to hold. He takes you to another stall a few metres away renting items such as blankets, mats, tables, umbrellas, chairs, lights, and more for a picnic on the beach. He rents a mat, two blankets, and a table. The setup piqued your curiosity for the first time. He doesn't give you time to question as he hands you the other bag so he could carry the set. You walk down the beach and find a spot further away from other people. He unravels the picnic mat and you set the bags down to keep the mat down long enough for Yoongi to place the sandbags on each corner of the mat. You prop the table in the middle of the mat and sit on one side. Yoongi sits across from you crossed-legged as you unpack the warm food for the both of you.

You shut your eyes in pleasure as the steam hits your face. Comfortable silence fills the air with the sounds of crashing waves accompanying it while you dig in before the food gets cold. As you chew your food, you sit up to look ahead. The weather was great considering it was winter. The beach was normally gloomy and freezing but today, the sun was shining, and the breeze was light and refreshing. This was exactly what you needed. Your attention shifts to Yoongi. He was already looking at you. Why does it feel like he always knows what’s on your mind? How does he always know to show up at the right time? Why do you feel he is looking straight through you while you’re in a maze when it comes to him? Right when you think you know where you’re going, you meet a dead end. “What have you been working on?” You dare to ask as you take another bite of your food.

“A special project. I’ve been working on it for a while.” You nod to spur him on to share further. “Do you remember that song you asked me about?”

“My Muse?”

“Yeah,” Yoongi rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. “I finished it.” You straighten and your face brightens in excitement. Yoongi laughs at your enthusiasm. “Before, you listen to it.” You tilt your head at his serious tone. “It’s not just one song. It’s a collection of songs and if you continue to be in my life, it will only keep growing.”

Your heart started racing; too many thoughts started flooding your brain. “What – what do you mean?”

“You’re my muse, y/n; since the first day I met you.” Yoongi hands you his headphones and places his phone in front of you. An album cover of you in Yoongi’s studio catches your eyes first. “I hope this answers your question; of what I think of you.” You slip on the headphones and look up at Yoongi. It was the first time; you’ve seen Yoongi nervous. Even when he had to perform in front of strangers spontaneously, he didn’t bat an eye. You press play and a surprisingly upbeat melody begins.

From the moment I met you, my life was all you. You're the star that turns ordinaries into extraordinaries.

A ray of light cutting through my shadow. I used to mean so little, my life before you.

My eyes follow your eyes, nose, lips. Did you notice my dark thoughts?

From afar, I steal glances; if we touch hands, will I lose you? Your light touches, I forget the reality at once.

You just give me the confidence within myself. It's not important if it's a dream of a reality, only the fact that you're by my side.

Yoongi watched with bated breath; trying to find any sign you feel the same. You were only a minute into the song when you take the headphones off surprising Yoongi. He takes that as repulsion, apologies ready to stumble out of his mouth. You stand and make your way next to him. You fall to your knees in front of him ignoring the stinging pain. “I'm sorry. I thought –” You interrupt Yoongi by cupping his cheeks. His eyes frantically search yours. The longer you stare into his eyes, the more emotional you became. His words replaying in your head. Your eyes water threatening to fall any second; overwhelmed by the rush of emotions going through you. Your eyes flutter shut spilling the tears onto your cheeks as you lean in to meet his lips. It only takes Yoongi a second to reciprocate leaning forward wrapping his arm around your waist to pull you close. He kisses you slowly and gently taking every second to imprint you in his memory. From the way you puckered your lips, to the way your fingers traced his skin; from the sounds you made and the way you tasted; how your hair fell over his tickling his forehead and the feeling of your goosebumps as he exposes your skin to hold more of you; he wanted to remember everything.

You only part to take a breath. Resting your forehead on his with a sheepish smile. “I've liked you for the longest time.”

Yoongi chuckles taking your hand resting on his chest. “Don't tell me that, I'll hate myself for not being brave enough to tell you sooner.” He kisses your knuckles. Your stomach flutters at the affection. “Do you want to listen to the rest of the songs?”

“Do you even have to ask?” You turn around and situate yourself in between Yoongi’s legs. He chuckles and brings a blanket around both of you as you slip the headphones back on. You look up at him as his raspy voice fills your head. The lyrics he raps fills your head, dissecting every meaning behind them. “God, you're amazing.” You complimented him here and there when a particular lyric gets to you or beat impresses you. You can only feel Yoongi chuckle in response; amused because you were shouting compliments at him after moments of silence.

The two of you spent hours in each other’s arms opening up about your thoughts and feelings; recounting every moment; answering each other’s questions; sharing the secrets you held close to your chest. Once again, Yoongi had taken you by surprise. From being the one to confess their feelings first, to the way he told you. You still don’t know everything about him but now, you have the confidence that you will. “I know I’m not good at expressing my emotions – I’ve always hated showing that side of me. I didn’t think it would ever matter. I never cared about what people thought about me or what they think I meant. But then I met you.” You smile as he kisses your temple. “And everything changed. I wanted to be vulnerable; I wanted to try; I wanted to be someone I wasn’t – someone deserving of you.” You open your mouth to interrupt but he hugs you tighter. A silent plea to let him continue. “But I failed time and time again trying to tell you how I felt. Saying the wrong things, misunderstanding the situation, distancing myself from you. I was too scared of rejection; of losing you. I convinced myself multiple excuses that I was reading you wrong; that I was just not used to having someone like you around; a breath of fresh air, the ray of sunshine breaking through in an overcast day. I didn't know how to tell you and writing lyrics was the only outlet I had to express my feelings. So, I wrote one song to tell you; then another; and another; then before I knew it, nearly all the songs I wrote were about you. Yet I couldn't even show you, what an idiot.” He laughs at himself.

“I'm the idiot who failed multiple times to get you to understand my feelings. How hard is –” Your phone interrupts you. You glance at the screen on the table and sit up upon seeing Jungkook’s message. “What does Kook mean by ‘put it back up’?” You asked looking back at Yoongi with curiosity.

He looks away sheepishly. “Well, I posted the album before.” You turn around to face him in shock. “But I was a coward and idiot and took it down. I’ve added some new songs on there since but you’re not the only one that failed multiple times.”

“I guess, we can be idiots together.” You giggle taking his hands in yours. “Is there any reason why all the titles start with the letter b?” You ask noticing the coincidence,

“It was plan B of telling you how I felt.” He cringes within himself.

“What was plan A?”

“Gobaek song.” Your smile fades at his admission. If you felt like an idiot before, you definitely felt like one now. Yoongi notices the shift in your mood, and he pulls you close. “Hey, don’t worry about that. There’s no point regretting everything that didn’t happen. I wished I told you sooner but if having you now means it needed to go the way it did; I would do it again in a heartbeat.” You melted in his arms kissing his chin on the way. “What about you?” You hum asking for further clarification. “When did you know you liked me?”

It was your turn to become shy. “I didn’t realise it right away because I never experienced this before.” You fiddle with the drawstrings on your sweats. Yoongi relates with a ‘me too’. “But I knew from the start you were different. I felt an ease and comfortability I have never felt before. Before you, I was so rigid and professional with my work – unwavering and unstoppable even in the face of a crisis. And then I met you and everything fell apart only to fall in the exact place they needed to be. I broke all my rules for you.”

Yoongi laughs. “You had rules?”

“Of course,”

“Like what?”

“Never let anyone know what I really looked like.” Yoongi purses his lips into an O-shape. “Never share personal information about myself.”

“Okay, but you had to at that point.” You sit up and staring into Yoongi’s eyes.

“Never let a client take you home.”

“It was late, I would never let you go home by yourself, and we were going the same way.” He defends making you smile.

You stare into his eyes for the longest time taking in his features. Wondering whether you should divulge this information or not. You were leaning towards Yoongi with your arms supporting you. His legs caging you between him. “Don’t fall in love with a client.” You whisper.

A smirk slowly forms, and you regret telling him because you knew what was about to come. “Are you saying I’m still just a client to you?” He teases.

You punch his arm playfully rolling your eyes. “You’re annoying when you tease me you know?”

“I will never miss an opportunity to tease you, baby. You should know that by now.” You shy away at the nickname, but Yoongi wraps his arms around you. He lifts your chin to look at him. “I love you too.” He promises sealing it with a kiss.

[a/n] it's finally finished! this is bittersweet for me. i am happy that i finally completed this series - this is the first series i have ever completed in all my years of writing. but the perfectionist in me is screaming in unsatisfaction because of how long it took

there is going to be an epilogue to address the unresolved plot points such as jack and yoongi's grandfather and in general, how everyone finished off their chapters in uni but it is not that important to the story and it's going to be short so this is officially the end of acquiesce. thank you to everyone that has stuck by me and this series. i hope you are satisfied with the ending and enjoyed this series. i really appreciate you all <3

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taglist: @deleteidentity || @themoonsblueside || @potatoandfries || @therapysides || @cursedcursives

#bts sm au #bts fluff #suga fluff #bts #yoongi #suga #bts x reader #suga x reader #yoongi x reader #bts angst #yoongi angst #suga angst #bts social media au #min yoongi #min yoongi fluff #min yoongi angst #d.writes #x

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heottokes · 8 months

Text

𝐚𝐜𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐞. 59. cheer up

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heottokes · 8 months

Text

𝐚𝐜𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐞. 58. nine months

word count: 12k

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As you watch the cabin disappear from the rear-view mirror, everything begins to sink in. The hope you have clung onto finally has weight behind it. You were anxious at what that meant. This was far from over. Everything weighs on Jack and Yoongi’s conversation. It is not your turn to make a move yet. As Taehyung drives you back into the city, you caught up with your notifications. You had several miscalls and messages from everyone – especially Yoongi, Taehyung, Joon and Hobi. You hated how you made everyone worry to the point of involving the police. Of course, it was reasonable to think the worst happened, but you couldn’t explain the entire truth. You sigh after apologising to everyone. Taehyung glances at you before looking back at the road. “You okay?”

“This is all my fault.”

“Don’t say that.”

“It is.” You sink further into the passenger seat. “If it wasn’t for my questionable choices and lies, this wouldn’t have happened.”

Taehyung’s eyebrows scrunch up in disapproval. “We’ve been over this, y/n. What’s done is done. We can only worry about what we can do from now on.”

“I am facing the consequences of my actions, Tae. It’s not that simple especially with you and Yoongi involved. I can’t believe you let Yoongi confront Jack on his own.”

“There’s nothing Jack could do to me. And trust me when I say, Yoongi can take care of himself and you just fine.”

You sit up curious. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I’ll let Yoongi explain.”

━━━☆

The moment you saw Yoongi, you felt tears prick your eyes. He greeted you with a tight-lipped smile, but you felt reassured from seeing it. You run into his arms needing to feel his warmth. The second you slammed your body against his, he lets out a chuckle and embraces you tightly. You thought you were never going to hear his laugh again. You thought you were going to forget the feeling of warmth that envelops your entire body because he’s the only person that could make you feel that way. “You’re going to be okay; I promise.” He rasps into your hair. Shivers tingle down your spine at the sound of his voice. How could you ever forget his voice?

You pull away far enough to wipe your tears. “I thought I would never see you again. I thought I would forget you.”

Yoongi cups your cheeks wiping your tears with his thumb. “Never. I would never let that happen.” You snuggle your warm cheeks against his cold hands feeling relief at the contrast. “Did he hurt you?” You shake your head no.

“But he made you share a bed?” Both of you turn to Taehyung who was visibly irritated, understandably. You watch Yoongi’s jaw clench and anger seep through his features just like Taehyung.

You squeeze his hands grabbing his attention. “We didn’t share a bed for most of the nights I was there. And the nights that we did, he didn’t do anything more than hold me. I’m not defending him, but I am grateful that that was a far as it went.”

Yoongi’s gaze softens. “Me too,” You kiss Yoongi’s palm not caring anymore about what it could mean. You have spent too long holding yourself back, thinking too much and not doing enough. At first, you had an excuse, you didn’t know how you felt so you couldn’t jump right in and drag Yoongi with you only to pull away when you realised you made a mistake. But you know how you feel, you’ve known for a while now so there’s no more excuses. If he doesn’t feel the same way, then you’ll accept whatever place he allows you in his life. “What can I do for you? You’ve been through a lot this past week.”

“Just be here with me.”

───────── ☾ • ☽ ──────────

Taehyung was already at the library when you and Jin arrived. He hadn’t looked up from his textbook when you both joined him. You greeted each other in whispers before beginning your study session. You were pleasantly surprised at Jin’s notes for the past week. “You can write notes this well when you’ve just been using my notes?” You whispered at Jin who shrugs.

“Why would I write notes when I know you will be anyway?” You shake your head not being able to fight his logic.

Slowly your table fills up with the rest of the gang. Adora opened the chair next to you and Yoongi sits on it as if she opened the chair for him. Yoongi doesn’t look at her and keeps his gaze on you. “Hi,”

You giggle. “Hi,” Adora raises her fist behind him as Hyewon directs her to sit across from you with Taehyung. There wasn’t much talking as everyone puts their heads down for finals. Adora had the hardest time concentrating as she would get up every now and then to go to another table to talk. The dance majors huddled around a computer and whiteboard discussing positions and formation for their performance. Namjoon had his head down filtering from one book to another as he types up his cheat sheet. 2Do, Hyewon and Yoongi paired up in twos to quiz each other on the theory. You and Jin discussed your thoughts on case studies as practice.

━━━☆

It had been nine hours of studying with breaks here and there when all of you decided to call it a night. You exited the library quietly taking in the cool night breeze. Adora stretched her arms congratulating herself on a good study session when Dohyeong points out, “You barely studied.” Everyone laughs when the two begin to bicker.

“If you’re going to argue, can you at least walk while you do it? I’m starving.” Jungkook rubs his stomach leading the way to the restaurant.

Everyone follows his lead and Yoongi finds himself walking next to you. “How are you?”

You smile when he nudges his arm against yours. “I’m okay, really.” You emphasise seeing his worried eyes trained on your expression. “I’m worried about missing the week off school, but I know I can catch up and study for finals if I go to the library every night from now on.”

“And because you have the best note taker to rely on.” Jin turns around puffing his chest out.

“Exactly,” You laugh as he turns back to his conversation with Namjoon and Taehyung. You slow your steps to create distance between you and the group. Yoongi follows without missing a beat. “I’m worried my mind will be too preoccupied worrying about Jack that it will ruin my performance.”

Yoongi takes his hand out of his jacket pocket to reach for yours. He squeezes your hand reassuringly. “Trust me y/n, he won’t be a problem anymore. And if he will be, he’s not as smart as you think he is.” Your eyes searched Yoongi’s face. How can he be so confident? Yes, you have the evidence against him, but so did Chaeyeon and he squashed her like a bug. Yoongi sees the worry on your face, so he stops in his tracks. You follow suit and face him. “If he will be a problem, I’ll take care of it. So don’t worry, your pretty little head about it.”

His face doesn’t waver as he makes his promise. You smile after a moment feeling safe with his words. “You think I’m pretty?” You teased to lighten the mood.

Yoongi rolls his eyes making you laugh. “Isn’t that obvious by now?” He grumbles as he walks away. You stand there flustered as your face heats up at his response.

───────── ☾ • ☽ ──────────

“What are you doing on the floor?” Jin asks as he enters your line of vision.

“What are you doing in my dorm?”

“We’re studying remember?” He answers leaving your sight. You sit up and watch as he makes himself comfortable on your desk. “So, what are you doing on the floor?”

“Just having a mental breakdown.” You answer nonchalantly as you get up and join him.

“Classic,” You hum in agreement. Jin squints at your demeanour. He knows you have a lot on your plate, but he had an inkling this was about something else – someone else. “How are you and Yoongi?”

Your head snapped up at him, but he was busy going over the flashcards you created. “We’re good.” You answer slowly. “Why? Did he say something?”

Jin had you exactly where he wanted. He puts down the flashcards and flashes you a smirk. “Why? Is there something for him to say?”

You clench your jaw. “No,”

“Does Yoongi have anything to do with you being on the floor?”

“No!” You answer too quickly. Jin leans back smugly and looks at you. The silence was slowly eating you away as you stare each other down. “Okay! Maybe it is.”

“I knew it!” Jin sits up proudly.

“Whatever,” You roll your eyes. “If only your interrogation skills can come in handy for our exams.”

“Don’t change the subject on me.” Jin tuts. “What happened?” Rather than saying it, you showed him the reply Yoongi sent you – making sure to cover the texts mentioning Jack. “A red heart?!?”

“I know!” You squealed. “What does that mean?”

It was Jin’s turn to roll his eyes. “What have we been telling you this entire time?” You bite your tongue and Jin sees your hesitancy. “I know, it’s complicated – more than we all know. But your history and issues aside, what Yoongi feels for you is real and it clearly hasn’t changed. And you clearly, feel some type of way about him too. The question is, what are you going to do about it?”

You groan burying your head in your books. “I don’t know.” Jin purses his lip in a tight line. “I’m going to do something – I don’t know what yet, but I will. But that’s something for me to think about after finals.”

“Understandable. If you need help in trying to figure it out, you can always come to me.” You smile as Jin pats your back. “Now, let’s start studying so it's one less thing to worry about.”

───────── ☾ • ☽ ──────────

As the days pass of finals week, the number of students on campus dwindled. Once your last exam finished, the hushed excitement surrounded you as fellow classmates discuss their winter break plans while being mindful of the remaining students still not finished with their exams. You stopped by the dance hall to see Hobi before you leave campus. You peeked your head in and see a few other dance majors scattered across the auditorium practicing. Once your eyes find Hoseok’s, he beams seeing you and waves you over. You gingerly enter the room making sure to not disturb the other students. “Are you here to brag that you're all finished?” Hobi teases as he gives you a side hug.

“I just wanted to see you before I head home.” You laugh giving Jimin and Jungkook a hug as well. “Are you and Joon still coming over?”

“When do we not? None of our families could do Christmas like yours.” Hobi answers already preoccupied with monitoring their dance.

“You guys have Christmas together too?” Jimin asks keeping you occupied.

“My parents like to throw a Christmas party on the twenty-sixth. It's just my family, Joon’s and Hobi’s but my parents like to show off and it became tradition growing up.” Jimin chuckles. “Alright, I'll leave you guys to it. Good luck, you’ll crush it!” The boys thanked you as you walk out the hall.

You packed your overnight bag and head home. Your parents greeted you warmly upon entering your home which surprised you. Your parents were rarely home during this time. It was a busy time in the company to get everything done before winter break. It was suspicious. “We haven't seen you in a long time, we just wanted to spend as much time as we can.” Your mother reasons when you question their presence. You squint at her as she pulls you in for a hug and your dad pats you in the back. Yes, very suspicious. It is not like for your family to be warm and present not even during the Christmas season. “We won’t be throwing our Christmas party this year.” Your mother mentions as you head to your room.

Ah, there it is. “Ok, I’ll tell Hobs and Joon.” You answer with a shrug. The parties were never really for you anyway. It was just an excuse for everyone to come together and catch up – the three of you could do that without it.

“No, we won’t be hosting it this year.” Your brows scrunch in confusion. You stop in tracks and turn around to question this, but your mother stops you. “We’ll talk about it later; you need to unpack and have a shower.”

“Unpack what? I’ll just leave everything in the bag.” Your mom ignores your protest as she pushes you into your room. She closes the door behind her leaving you no room to argue. Yes, very suspicious.

━━━☆

Your parents hired a limousine to drive yours, Hobi’s and Joon’s family to the host’s house. It wasn’t out of character for your parents to be secretive but to be secretive about something that is meant to be trivial raises your alarm bells. The three of you whisper between yourselves speculating where you’re going and who is hosting. “Is this one of those reality TV things where they trick their kids into going to a boot camp or something?” Hoseok suggests as you all eye your parents suspiciously.

“What reason would they send us to do that?” Namjoon, the voice of reason, retorts.

“What reason would they have to be so secretive about it?” Hoseok points at you for your fair question. “Your parents didn’t say anything? Do they even know?”

“Yeah, they know but they didn’t say anything either. Just something about, ‘the more the merrier’.” Hoseok crunches his face as he air-quote his parents’ words.

“Well, we’ll find out soon enough.” Namjoon points to the window as the car slows to a stop. The house in question was a modernised hanok. It has the traditional architectural structure but there were clear renovations done to modernise the house. It was breath-taking regardless. “Whose place is this?” Namjoon whispers to you as you all exit out of the limousine.

Namjoon’s question was answered when the host steps outside just in time. There, hand in hand are Yoongi’s parents. Your face heats up as your parents greet their partners naturally. “Y/n, it’s so good to you after such a long time.” Yoongi’s mother gives you a hug before greeting your childhood friends. “Shall we show you around first?” Yoongi's mother addresses the other adults who agreed graciously.

“Who is she?” Hoseok’s asks you as the adults enter the house.

“She’s my mom,” Yoongi answers standing by the door with his arms crossed. “I should have known something was up when we came here today.” He sighs under his breath.

Namjoon and Hoseok greet him excitedly as Jimin and Jin pops their head out to see who the unexpected guests were. “Hey!” Jimin perks up and goes to hug everyone.

Yoongi finds his way to you as your friends converse about the weird turn of events. “Hey,”

“Hey,” You breathed out taking in his features. It hadn’t even been that long since you last saw him, but you weren’t prepared to be seeing him at all. “Did your parents tell you we were coming?”

“No, just said they were having guests over. I didn’t think it would matter to me.”

“It matters to you?” You asked before you could stop yourself. Blood rushes to Yoongi’s ears at your question and he knows you can see it.

He clears his throat. “Let’s head inside, it’s cold.”

As you entered the house, you sighed in relief at the warmth. The house was decorated with garlands and other Christmas decorations. The six of you make your way to the living room following the sound of chatter and music. Your parents were already there sipping on wine. Yoongi introduces all of you to Jin and Jimin’s parents. Their sons are spitting images of their parents. You can see the same eye-smile Jimin has with his mother and the same warm comforting aura with his dad. Jin’s parents were good-looking and distinguished but had a glint of playfulness in their eyes. Yoongi wasn’t anything like his parents – not in the way he talks or carries himself. Maybe he was more like his grandparents. As the thought filtered to your head, everyone stands at the sudden presence of Yoongi’s grandfather. Without realising, you followed and looked at the man standing by the doorway. Despite his age, his mere presence commanded the room. The air changed around him. Everyone fell silent as they bowed to the elder. He doesn’t look their way; his eyes trained on your figure. Yoongi’s mother ran to his side introducing everyone in the room, but it falls on deaf ears. He ignores her and makes his way towards you. “Is this the girl?” He asks Yoongi pointing at you.

“Yes,” Yoongi answers coldly.

You bowed. “Thank you for welcoming my family and I to your lovely home.” Silence filled the room waiting on his reaction. You try not to fidget. You maintain eye contact and a polite smile.

Finally, he returns a smile, and everyone visibly relaxes. “She’s pretty,” He comments to Yoongi. “I understand.” You look at Yoongi in confusion, but he only shakes his head in response.

“I’m sorry about him.” Yoongi addresses the awkward situation once the party started up again. You smile and shrug as an affirmation. “He can be a bit tense, and you never know what’s going on in his head which can be unnerving.” So that’s where he gets it from. You think to yourself as Yoongi’s mom interrupts your conversation asking for his help in the kitchen. He gives you a smile before following his mom.

Your eyes naturally drift towards the person in question. He was sat on the table by himself staring blankly across from him as everyone around him acted like he didn’t exist. Your heart ached at the thought. Your eyes wandered to the bookshelf looking for an ice breaker. A smile appears on your face as you find a well-loved baduk box. You picked up the box and slowly made your way to your possible opponent. His eyes refocused on your figure as you walked in front of his field of vision. “Would you like to play?” You offered holding up the game. Another moment of silence loomed over you. You hold your ground ignoring the glances of everyone else in the room. He stares into your eyes before smiling. You smile in return and make your way to the seat next to him.

“Care for a wager?” He addresses you for the first time. The challenge would usually make you scoff but you freeze at the gummy smile he sported. There it was again. Another reflection of Yoongi existed in his family. You smile and agree not knowing what you signed up to.

━━━☆

“What’s going on here?” Yoongi asks upon entering the room after being away for half an hour.

You ignore his question not bothering to look up. Your brows furrowed in concentration as you think about your next move. “She went into the belly of the beast, and she hasn’t come out.” You hear Jin fill Yoongi in. That was an understatement. All you wanted was to keep his grandfather company. You thought you would bond over a light-hearted game of baduk. Speak about Yoongi as a kid or his time as a youth himself. How foolish. He was kicking your ass – which is fine, he is an elder and you were planning to let him win anyway. It was fine until you agreed to the wager lighting up your competitive streak. It was fine until he started trash talking, fanning the fire you were fighting so hard to keep low. Your eyes widened when he laughed at your first move. It was only a matter of time when you couldn’t ignore the comments about your age and intellect. It was all banter, and you didn’t take it to heart, but you weren’t going to simply let him win anymore.

“Gramps, take it easy.” Yoongi says sitting next to you.

For the first time, you look away from the board. Your head snapped up at him so quickly that he flinches instinctively. “Don’t you dare say such a thing.” You turn towards his grandfather to address him. “Don’t you dare.”

He laughs boisterously. “I would never. At least she puts up a fight.”

“I wouldn’t worry, Yoongi.” Namjoon whispers to him. “Y/n is insanely competitive.”

“Yeah, I experienced that first-hand.” He shivers at the memory creeping back.

The game lasted another hour and fifteen minutes. You survived for an hour and forty-five minutes before your inevitable defeat. “Well, you did your best.” Yoongi’s grandfather consoles you. “You lasted much longer than I thought for someone your age.”

You pout at his teasing. “Yeah, well next time I won’t go down so easily.”

“I’ll hold you to that.” He laughs.

Yoongi’s parents whisper amongst themselves watching the interaction between you two. “I haven’t seen him laugh like that in years.” Yoongi’s mother tells her husband. “Didn’t think he could laugh like that after mom passed away.” Yoongi’s ears prick up listening to his parents’ conversation.

“Wasn’t it a good idea to invite the y/l/n’s?” His father vocally pats himself on the back. “It would have been quiet and sombre if it was just us and Yoongi – especially, since this is the first year.”

“Yoongi,” His grandfather call halts their conversation as all eyes are on him once again. “Come with me,” Yoongi and you follow his grandfather into another room. He reaches for two shopping bags and hands it to each of you. “What is this?”

“She lost the game, so you have to do the penalty.”

“Why do I have to do it too?” Yoongi protests at the idea.

“Don’t be a bad sport, Yoongi.” “Be a gentleman, Yoongi” You and his grandfather say at the same time. He shivers at the smile you two share.

“I’ll leave you to get changed. Don’t take too long, everyone will be waiting.” His mischievous smile doesn’t sit well with Yoongi, but he has no choice. His grandfather leaves without another word.

“You’re going to hate me.” You say after looking into the bag.

Yoongi turns his attention to you as you pull out a Santa costume. “You have to get better at baduk.”

───────── ☾ • ☽ ──────────

Adora and 2Do were already on campus when you arrived at dawn. They sleepily greeted you with their hands stuffed in their pockets. You chatted amongst yourselves catching up on everyone’s Christmas celebrations. One by one, everyone arrived on time – most still half asleep. Despite the sun rising, you were shaking from the cold winter air. Even after deciding to wait for the others inside the bus, the engine was off to conserve fuel and money. “Okay, we’re all here.” Adora clapped her hands together to draw everyone’s attention. “Let’s go, Dohyeong.” She pats his back as she gets in the passenger seat. A sigh of relief washes through everyone as the heater slowly filters through the air.

“How was your Christmas?” Taehyung asked.

“It was good,”

“Oh, I bet.” You give him a pointed look while he flashes a wide grin. “I saw you spent it with Yoongi.” He wiggles his eyebrows and nods his head towards the back of Yoongi’s head who was sitting with Namjoon a couple of rows in front of you.

“Jin, Jimin, Joon and Hobi were there too.”

“They weren’t wearing matching costumes though.”

You roll your eyes at his relentlessness. “I lost a game and so I got a penalty.” He blows a low whistle in response knowing how you get when it comes to games. “What about you? How was your Christmas?”

“Tiring. After my exam ended, I hopped on a plane to visit home to see family. I just got back a couple of hours ago.”

“You should get some rest then.” You sympathise taking note of his eyebags for the first time since you saw him.

He nods his head towards Jin and Hoseok. “I heard those two are punishing the first couple of people who fall asleep first.”

You laugh. “I’ll protect you and besides they won’t be looking back here – especially if you sit low enough from their vision.” Taehyung contemplates for a couple of seconds before pushing his beanie down to sit in front of his eyes. “Good night,”

You slowly fell asleep not long after. Your peaceful sleep interrupted by a light shake of your shoulders. Coming to reality, you jump and look at Taehyung who was still asleep and face untouched. You take out your phone and you were safe too. You sighed in relief and looked up at your interrupter. Hyewon looks down on you as she kneels on the seat in front of you. “Chill, after they tagged Jungkook and Jimin, Jin and Hobi were out like a light.”

You laugh shaking your head. “Why does that not surprise me?”

“Anyway, we’re stopping to stretch our legs. Figured you might want to; I tried waking up Tae, but he didn’t seem like he was going to wake up anytime soon.”

“Thanks,” You slowly get up stretching and got off the bus. You passed by Jungkook and Jimin who were still asleep and saw moustaches and a monocle drawn on their face. Jin and Hobi greeted you outside of the bus with shit-eating grins to which you shook your head at, but a small smile crept on your face. “How far do we have left?” You asked Adora once you reached her in the service station.

“We should get there by lunch. Jungkook booked a barbeque restaurant for us so lunch will be sorted. Then Jimin rented out a basketball court for some reason.” Adora answers as the cashier tallies up her snacks.

“Sounds fun!” Your energy suddenly picked up at the mention of food and sports.

Adora eyes you already seeing the fire being lit in your belly. “Please don’t commit murder while we’re on this trip.” The cashier glances at the both of you at her comment.

You give him a smile and hand him your snacks to tally up. “Don’t act like I’m that bad.”

“You’re that bad.” You roll your eyes.

“You should see Jungkook.”

“Oh my God, don’t tell me there’s two of you.” You laugh and walk out the store with her and join the others.

━━━☆

“There’s not only two, but three of them.” Adora gasps out as she catches her breath. The group had already expected your relentless energy from the experiences they had with you. Adora warned the others about Jungkook, so his seriousness and fierceness weren’t a complete surprise. But Yoongi? Who would have thought that Yoongi would be matching your fiery energy and Jungkook’s athleticism? Yoongi was above the both of you. You and Jungkook are athletic, but your competitive nature is what pushes you that step further. But Yoongi actually played basketball and competed with a team in high school and elementary school. Adora learned this from Jimin with the rest of the music group grasping at their knees to take a breath. They all looked at Yoongi with fear. He could he be mentally and physically intimidating. That’s not fair.

“Why are they so serious?” Hoseok joins the rest of the group who are taking a rest. Slowly, the group had crawled off the court as the three of you pushed through the game. At this point, there was only five remaining: you, Yoongi, Jungkook, Taehyung, and Jin. You and Jungkook were on the same team while Taehyung and Jin were selected to be on Yoongi’s team. You sulked for a moment when Yoongi didn’t pick you when he won at rock, paper, scissors but then your eyes met. You saw his eyes glint in mischief. He wanted you on the other team so he can versus you. The fire already burning in your stomach erupted as it shows through your eyes at his challenge. Taehyung looked at you pitifully, you are way too easy.

“I don’t think Jungkook, and y/n’s ego can deal with Yoongi beating them; especially since they’re so competitive and Yoongi looks like he’s not even breaking a sweat.” Namjoon observes as he watches the game continue.

“And Yoongi is a sadist that feeds on the misery of others.” Hyewon added to which the rest of the music majors hummed in agreement.

“They’re going to hurt themselves if this keeps going.” Donghyuck raises the point.

“Or won’t have enough energy to help with dinner and washing up.” Dohyeong added.

Adora shakes her finger at Dohyeong. “Now, that’s true.” She gets up from the bench to call the rest for a break. They didn’t listen, of course. “If you don’t take a break, you’re definitely assigned to cooking and cleaning duties tonight.” Jin stops in the middle of his hook shot. “And bring the ball with you otherwise the three weirdos won’t stop.” Jin looks at Yoongi who was already glaring at him; warning him to not stop. He is in a scoring position. Knowing better to fear Yoongi more than Adora, Jin finishes his hook shot. Yoongi smiles once in gets through the hoop cleanly. “Scary, he’s so scary.” Jin turns away to take a break and Taehyung joins him.

You reach for the ball hesitating whether to take a rest or not. “Tired already?” Yoongi’s teasing voice causes your eye to twitch.

“I can do this all day.” Yoongi sarcastically responds with an ‘uh-huh’ further pushing your buttons.

“I can too.” Jungkook interjects. “But I don’t want to be doing the cooking if I don’t have to.” Jungkook reasons before leaving the two of you to join the group. You and Yoongi look at each other; neither backing down. This was technically a rest as you stood still waiting for him to concede.

Finally, Yoongi lets out a chuckle. “You’re too competitive for your own good.” He says and begins to walk towards the group. A childish smile appears on your face at the little victory. In high spirits, you skipped your way towards the group passing Yoongi and flashing him your childish smile.

━━━☆

The game destroyed you. You’d like to think it destroyed Yoongi too, but he looks fine as he sips on his beer. He won the game, of course. No matter yours and Jungkook’s efforts, you couldn’t beat a pro – you got close though. The dinner was a satisfying reward from spending your energy. You were surprised since you were sure Hoseok had burnt the meat. But the food was delicious. Everyone was in high spirits – some had a second wind from the dinner; others were simply content with enjoying the company and atmosphere. Hyewon and Adora broke out the karaoke an hour after dinner. You sat down and continued to eat – too tired to even attempt to sing a verse. Yoongi wasn’t going to attempt karaoke either but that had nothing to do with his energy levels. Jungkook was shaking the tambourine with the least amount of effort needed, 2Do were cringing at Adora’s purposefully bad high notes, and Jin was dancing in the corner wasted after his amazing feat at dinner.

After an hour of watching, you decided to call it a night. Hoseok had retired early after having one too many drinks early on and Taehyung still jet-lagged from his trip had gone to bed after dinner. Namjoon kept you and Yoongi talking throughout the night while the others rotated between singer, dancer, and audience. “I’m going to sleep.” You announced to the group once everyone was done cheering for Jungkook.

“Yeah, me too.” Yoongi agrees getting up to leave.

“Wait!” Adora shouts panicked. “We haven’t assigned rooms yet.”

“Taehyung and Hobi are already in bed?” You argued since they have been asleep for hours now. “Does it really matter though? We’ll just take whichever room we like.”

“Yeah, first come first serve.” Yoongi agrees. The both of you turn to leave when Jin blocks the door. “Move,”

“The thing is, we do need to run something by you guys.” Adora says in a squeaky voice. You and Yoongi looked at Jin who was avoiding your eyes before sharing a look between each other. Why do you have a bad feeling about this? You both turned around to look at Adora who had a sheepish smile on her face. “Since, you guys didn’t have any jobs to do.”

“You didn’t give us any.”

“True,” Adora admits at Yoongi’s point. “But as you know, there is a limited number of beds and rooms at this place. So, the plan was to have the girls share a room and pair the boys off together.”

“Yeah, and?” You agreed not seeing the problem.

“And there’s nine boys and three girls.” Hyewon adds getting up from her seat. You and Yoongi can see where this is going. “So, there has to be a co-ed room.” Yoongi exhales and pokes his tongue on his cheek in irritation. It was way too late to be dealing with this.

“And since you guys didn’t have any jobs.” Adora explains as if the reason makes any sense. “It’s only fair that you two took one for the team.”

Why does it feel like it’s not about that? You open your mouth to protest when Yoongi sigh interrupts you. “Fine, whatever. Which room is ours then?” Adora and Hyewon shared a surprised look before brightening up at his submission.

“The one down the hall just by the backdoor. It should have a flower sign on the door.”

“Let’s go then.” Yoongi addresses you. You nod dumbly too busy processing the situation to understand what was happening. As you reach out of earshot, Yoongi checks in on you. “You don’t mind right? I mean we’re just sharing the room.”

At Yoongi’s voice, you snapped out of it. “Yeah, of course. We’re not children. We can share a room with the opposite gender, it's no big deal.” The two of you laugh in awkward agreement.

Both of your smiles fade as you opened the room to one bed. The first emotion that went through you was clarity. Of course, Adora and Hyewon wouldn’t simply just let you share a room. Then there was slight annoyance. Your friends have forced an awkward situation onto the both of you when you've been going so well. Then there was embarrassment as your mind filtered through the idea of sharing a bed with Yoongi. You had to stop yourself from slapping your cheeks to calm down. “I’ll sleep on the couch, don't worry.” Yoongi’s voice brought you back to reality again.

You look behind you to the living room where a massive black couch was placed next to the giant glass windows. “You’ll freeze to death.” You argued with a frown.

Yoongi shrugs. “I’ll be fine.”

“Is sharing a bed with me that unthinkable for you?” You articulated your intrusive thought.

“What? Of course not.”

“You didn't want to share a bed when we were at Xiumin’s place either.” You raised evidence against his words.

Yoongi tilts his head in confusion. “You said they prepared separate rooms for us?” You falter from getting caught in a lie. Yoongi watches you struggle to compose yourself before continuing, “I just offered to take the couch because I didn't want you to be uncomfortable.”

“I’m not.” You reassured too quickly. Yoongi couldn't help the smile breaking through his poker face. You clear your throat. “It’s like I said, we’re not kids. It’s no big deal.”

“Uh-huh,” Yoongi agrees with a smirk on lips. You wanted to crawl in a hole and run away from his teasing gaze. “Well if, you're sure.” You nod making Yoongi chuckle. “I’m going to shower before going to bed.” He gestures back to the living room where his things are.

“Me too!” Yoongi raises an eyebrow at your awkward response. “Separately, of course.” You explained unnecessarily.

Yoongi chuckles before leaving you to get ready for bed. “If, you’re sure.”

━━━☆

Maybe you weren't as mature as you thought. You shivered for the seventeenth time in the night. It wasn't that cold especially with the warm blanket on top of the duvet. But you laid on the edge of the bed as far as possible from Yoongi which then in turn, caused you to have barely any blanket. You can't tug the blanket towards you otherwise he won't have anything and you're not going to come closer otherwise you would go insane from his proximity. Yoongi was already asleep when you came back from your shower. You would steal that move the next night, but you doubt you were going to fall asleep by the time he comes for bed. Your mind would be too chaotic thinking about what your face would look like when he comes in or if you would be snoring too loudly for him to go to sleep.

A creak on the floorboard catches your attention. Slowly and quietly, you reach for your phone to message Taehyung. It was a shot in the dark but why not? You smile seeing his reply. You look over at Yoongi and see his back peacefully rise and fall from his breathing. No sign he was awake. Carefully, you sit up and peel what little blanket you had on you to head to the door. Taehyung was already on the couch waiting for your presence as you quietly shut the door. He rubs his eyes as he waves at you as you make your way towards him.

“How was your sleep?” You whisper as you sit on the couch and wrap the blanket on the couch around you.

“Good. I would ask you, but you clearly haven't.”

You pouted and rubbed your hands on your face. “How can I when he's right there?” Taehyung rolls his eyes at your corniness. “Tae,” You call for his attention. His annoyed expression disappears at the conviction in your voice. You scoot closer to him even though no one is awake currently. “Should I tell him how I feel?”

Taehyung beams sitting up on his knees. “Yes!” You shush him looking around the room. He takes your hand in his. “Yes, you should.” He whispers this time. “In fact, do it now.” Taehyung tries to push you off the couch, but you dodge his hands.

“I’m not going to do it now, idiot.” You roll your eyes sitting back on the couch. The two of you sit in silence staring at each other. Taehyung's boxy smile slowly influencing a smile to appear on your lips. You start to feel bashful and cover your face. “Oh my God, I can't believe I’m even thinking about this.”

“It’s long overdue.” You look up at Taehyung biting your bottom lip to stop your smile but the corners of your mouth resists. “So, how are you going to do it?”

Your smile disappears as your face scrunches up in confusion. “What do you mean? I’m just going to say it. Don't even ask me what I’m going to say – I have to figure that out.”

Taehyung’s shoulders drop in disappointment. “You can't just say it.” You raise an eyebrow at him. “You must do something. This is big, y/n. You're telling him you're in love with him.”

“Okay, I’m not gonna go that far. I was just going to ask him out on a date.”

Taehyung’s eyes nearly bulge out of its sockets. “Just when I thought you've stopped being hopeless.” He sighs resting his head on the couch dramatically.

“Okay, what do you think I should do?”

“Easy,” He sits upright, and you roll your eyes. “This is peak opportunity for you, y/n. Plan a day with him – and just him, go somewhere with a nice view or do a romantic activity, and then when the time is right as the sun sets or as your hands touch –” You roll your eyes at his cheesiness. “You tell him, tell him how you truly feel about him and make sure none of the things you say can be taken for anything else.”

You ponder Taehyung’s suggestion for a while before answering. “You’re right, Yoongi is special to me and if I don't show him just how special he is, he won't understand” He lights up at your acceptance. “The only issue now is figuring out when and how I’m going to show him.”

━━━☆

By the time you had gone to back to bed, you were too sleepy to care about Yoongi's presence. The inviting warmth and softness of the bed too tempting to even think about the implications of sleeping next to him. “Y/n,” You feel a light shake disrupt your deep slumber. You groaned in annoyance. “It’s noon, we’re heading out to eat. Do you want to come?” At the mention of food, you peak your head above the covers to meet Yoongi’s gaze. He chuckles at your state. “We’ll give you half an hour.” You groaned in appreciation, and he leaves the room.

You rub the sleep from your eyes and stretch your limbs to wake yourself up. You sigh staring at the ceiling. It had been a while since you've had such a deep sleep. As your brain wakes up, the overthinking begins. Were you drooling in your sleep? Or snoring from the tiredness? Is it possible you were sleep talking due to the restless state of your brain? Did Yoongi see your sleeping face? You squealed into your pillow to let out your frustration. Why did you have to care so much about what he thinks? Why doesn't he tell you what he thinks?

Taehyung, Namjoon, and Yoongi were chatting amongst themselves when you came out the room dressed for the day. “About time.” Taehyung stands up once he sees you. “Everyone else is doing something else. We’re the only ones left at the house.”

You give them a sheepish smile. “Sorry, I was in a deep sleep.”

“Don’t be sorry.” Namjoon reassured you. “We’re just going to have lunch and visit the museum nearby. Are you up for that?”

Taehyung catches your attention as he makes faces behind the boys signalling you of the perfect moment. You acted none the wiser as you answer Namjoon. “Of course! Sounds fun.” Namjoon nods and leads the way with Yoongi following closely behind. You wait until they were out of earshot to smack Taehyung’s arm. “Can you be any more obvious? What are you even trying to say?”

Taehyung rubs his arm. “Are you stupid?” You shoot him a pointed look and he raises his hands in surrender. “A museum date? That is peak romance.”

“Are you stupid?” You throw back his question at him. Taehyung blinks at you innocently giving you the answer to your question. “It's not a date or romantic if you and Joon are there.”

Taehyung gives you a sly smirk. “Give me the signal and I'll take Joon away somewhere.”

“Wow, you're such a good wingman.” You compliment sarcastically with an eyeroll.

“I am a great wingman.”

━━━☆

Taehyung, true to his word, kept Namjoon occupied while you and Yoongi stayed by each other’s side for most of the day. The two of you conversed easily and smoothly despite your nerves getting the best of you. “You’re shameless, you know that.” You giggle as Yoongi poses for a “candid” photo.

“What? You can’t expect me to not do anything when you take a photo of me.” This reminded you of the early days. You were surprised Yoongi would be so willing to have his photos taken must less pose for them.

“You should let Tae photograph you. You’ll be his favourite model.”

Yoongi ponders the suggestion with a pout on his lips. “Maybe I’ll take him up on that.” Your eyes widen in shock. Yoongi chuckles. “Oh, were you not being serious?”

“No! I mean, yes. I meant no I am being serious.” Yoongi smiles as you stumble over your words. “I was just shocked that you would want to do it.”

Yoongi shrugs. “I mean, now that I’m getting my name out there, it makes sense to do some professional photoshoots.”

“Oh, right. That’s true.” You refrain from facepalming yourself at the obvious. Of course, Yoongi’s career is starting to pick up so he would need to start doing things out of his comfort zone. Taehyung and Namjoon waved as soon as they saw you. “Sorry to keep you waiting, we were taking photos.”

Namjoon waves your apology off. “It’s okay, take your time to enjoy the view. We were finished looking around outside, so we decided to wait for you before going inside so you know where we are.”

“I’m going to buy a drink; do you guys want anything?” Taehyung asks gesturing to the stall a couple of metres away.

You shake your head as Namjoon gives Taehyung his coffee order. “I’ll come with you.” Yoongi answers as Taehyung asked him what he wanted. Taehyung gives you a look that doesn’t go unnoticed by Namjoon before walking to the stall with Yoongi.

You watch their figures smiling as Yoongi starts the conversation. “So, what’s going on with the two of you?” Namjoon asks turning your attention to him. Your smile disappears once you see his concerned face.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

Namjoon sighs crossing his arms. “I like Yoongi.”

“Yeah, he’s great.” You cross your arms feeling defensive.

“But I haven’t forgotten the fact that you two broke up so easily. Neither of you even tried to fight to make it work. What has changed? Has anything changed? Will you both call it quits again if a little bump comes across the road?”

Namjoon’s questions were valid. You knew that. But the truth was different from what they know. You sigh uncrossing your arms. “You’re right. Nothing is going on with Yoongi and I right now.”

“But you want something to?”

You bite your lip at Namjoon’s interrogation. “Yes,”

“Y/n,” Namjoon says in his signature parental tone and facial expression to match.

“I know,” You cut him off. “Look, everything you asked is completely valid, but things have changed. Yoongi and I weren’t so sure about our feelings back then and it was easier for us to just end things than question it. We weren’t experienced in those kinds of things.”

“And you’re both sure about your feelings now?”

“I am. I can’t speak for Yoongi.” Namjoon finally smiles at your honesty. You roll your eyes looking away. “Please, don’t look at me like that.”

Namjoon pats your arm. “You know everyone loves you two together – including me. But I would fail as a best friend if I don’t check in with you. If you know what you’re doing and you still want to do it even knowing the worse might happen, Hobs and I will be there to support you and comfort you if need be.”

You smile and take Namjoon’s hand in yours. “Thanks, Joon.” You squeezed his hand in comfort. “I know the risks and hurt I could experience. But I’m willing to risk it all for the chance he might feel the same way. And if there are any troubles, I’m willing to fight through it because he’s worth fighting for.”

Namjoon’s smile widens at your sentiment. “I’m happy for you.” He gives you a hug as the boys make their way back to you.

You let out a laugh in his arms. “For what?”

“For the person you’re becoming. For your courage and honesty. For listening to your heart for once.” You bite the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from tearing up. “I’m proud of you. You’ve come a long way.”

“I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you or Hobs.” You retort shakily. “Seriously, you two kept me sane growing up.” He squeezes you tightly before letting go. You exhaled to subdue your emotions.

As the two of you separate, Yoongi hands you a cup of soup. “Soup?” You giggle.

“I thought you might cold.” He explains embarrassed. You light up and thank him taking a sip of the warm liquid. Yoongi was right, it instantly warmed you. Namjoon watches as you smile at Yoongi with a smile, he’s never seen you have; a smile that was never shown for anyone but Yoongi. He was sure, Yoongi hasn’t given so much care or attention to anyone else either. He smiles rooting for the two of you. “Shall we? I’m sure it’ll be warmer inside.”

“You’re right, what are we doing?” Taehyung nearly sprints towards the museum making Namjoon call for him to slow down. The three of you laughing as he tries to keep his coffee in the takeaway container.

Once the three of you got inside, Namjoon left the two of you to find Taehyung. His excuse was to make sure he doesn’t touch any artifacts even though; you’re all aware how knowledgeable Taehyung was about art given his major. You and Yoongi were surrounded in comfortable silence as you take your time viewing the paintings and sculptures. There wasn't much for either of you to say; neither knowledgeable enough to interpret the meanings. “I’m a muse?” You asked with a smile on your face as you watch Yoongi create the caption of your photo.

“I never said you were.” Yoongi posts the photo and puts his phone away. You were about the pout at the rejection when Yoongi explains, “You could very well be the art and the revelation.”

Your smile falters at the change of tension. The friendly banter between the two of you suddenly gone. This is it. The moment Taehyung told you to seize. You stare deeply into Yoongi’s unwavering gaze. A smile playing on your lips from his compliment. He started crossing the line between friends and something more and that could only be taken as a good thing. Yoongi wasn't the type to blur the lines for no reason; you know that for sure now. It doesn’t ensure your feelings are reciprocated but it does give you a higher chance. “Yoongi,” Before you had the chance, Yoongi takes the cup of soup away from your hands. You were stunned at the abruptness. The heavy tension lifted as quickly as it appeared. With his hands full, he gently moves your body out of the way with his. “Yoongi?” You peered over his shoulders to see kids running towards you; their parents in the background trying to discreetly fast walk to chase after them. They missed Yoongi barely and his shoulders relaxed. You smile at his quick instincts, but the kids were still causing mayhem. “Hey, do you want candy?” You called after them before they got away. They stop in their tracks and run back to you with a huge smile. “Slow down, you’ll only get a piece if you behave.” You hold your hand up telling them to stop running. They slowed their pace and reached you politely. “Okay, do you know how dangerous it is to be running around like that?” They give you their best puppy-dog eyes, but you weren't a softie. You kneel to meet their eye level. “The ground is tiled so it can be slippery; you could have hurt yourselves or someone else. Do you understand why that's wrong?” They answered, ‘yes’ in unison. “Good, here you go.” You give them a piece of candy each. They light up and take the candy happily. Yoongi watches you with an adoring smile – and you’re missing out on it because of those rascals. The parents finally caught up to you and they bowed in embarrassment. “It's okay. No one got hurt.” You reassured them as you stand up. “I'm going to give your parents, another piece of candy for both of you but you can only get it if you listen to your parents for the rest of day.” You show the kids the candies and give it to their parents who thank you again. “If you're not good, your parents will eat it for themselves.” They protest immediately from your teasing. The adults laugh at their reaction. “Well, you better be good and listen to them.” They promise they will, and they leave holding their parents’ hands.

“You're too good with kids.” Yoongi praises once they leave. “Do you normally carry candy around?”

You shrug with a laugh. “In case of emergencies. You never know when you need to bribe someone.”

“I like the way you think. I should probably have some on me so it can distract Jin for a while.”

“Honestly? I've done it in our classes sometimes and I can confirm it works.” Yoongi laughs when you spot Taehyung’s back. “There they are.” Namjoon sees you and waves you over. “Shall we?” You gesture towards them. Yoongi nods and you join Taehyung and Namjoon.

━━━☆

This is the second night you are sharing a bed with Yoongi. Unlike the first time, Yoongi was awake when you came back from your shower. You both nod at each other as you climb onto your side of the bed. Yoongi was on his phone, so you decided to go on yours as well. An hour passed of silently scrolling through your own social media when Yoongi’s chuckle piques your interest. You glance over at him, and he takes notice. Without hesitation, he scoots closer and shows you a photo of a cat meme making you laugh as well. The awkward moment fades as the two of you exchange memes.

“Okay but the peas are upside down.” He agrees as you lay next to each other. Your heads side by side that he can see your phone without even moving his head towards you.

“How can peas be upside down?” You laugh shaking your head.

“Like that.” He points at the photo as if you weren't looking at the photo in the first place.

You roll your eyes. “How can you be so quick witted at some things and so slow with other things?”

“Alright, Miss-The-Moon-Landing-Isn’t-Real.”

You prop yourself on your elbow to lay on side facing him. “It's not. Have you seen the video? Why was the flag moving? Why haven't we been able to do it again since then?”

Yoongi chuckles at your seriousness. “Why would they lie about it?”

“Of all people, I thought you wouldn't be opposed to the idea of government spreading propaganda.”

At this, Yoongi props himself on his elbow and faces you. “You're right but of all people, I wouldn't peg you for a conspiracy theorist.”

“I'm no theorist but I enjoy the conversation.”

“You mean debate.” You smile. “Well, I like to argue so give me some more.”

━━━☆

“What were you and Joon talking about?” Yoongi asks once you ran out of conspiracies, he's aware of. The random question makes you think he wanted to ask for a while. You smile at the idea. You had both been talking for hours now. Slowly growing tired despite denying it to one another. You both lay on your backs staring at the ceiling. Your phones tucked away on your prospective bedside. The warm lamp the only source of light as everyone has gone to bed hours ago.

“He was being his usual paternal self. Giving me a light lecture to make sure I know what I’m doing.”

“And do you?” You nudge his shoulder lightly at his teasing.

“Does anyone?”

“True,” Yoongi concedes.

“He said he was proud of me; of the person I’m becoming.” You confide in Yoongi. “If only he knew,” Yoongi’s hand finds your wrist; his grip tight enough to feel his sincerity but soft enough to know he understands sensitivity of the topic. You glance away from the ceiling to give him a faint smile. “You and Taehyung know the person I truly am. You know the decisions I’ve made, the person I must be to make those choices, they’re not a person to be proud of.”

Yoongi sits up so you could not avoid his gaze. “Not once did I think anything you said or done made you a lesser person. You did nothing wrong.”

You mimic Yoongi’s body language and sit up as well. You sit with your legs crossed as you look into each other’s eyes. “I put my family’s livelihood in danger. I put you and Taehyung in danger, all because I wanted to have fun. I need to be held accountable for it.”

“It was more than that and you know it. Stop trying to invalidate your reasons.” You give Yoongi a fake smile to feign compliance. You don’t know why you try to pretend that you’re okay when he could see right through you. “No one is to blame for what happened but Jack. He is mentally unstable and that is not your fault. And this might be selfish on my part, but I’m glad you made those choices like I said, the day we made our deal. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t. And it could have meant that I would have never met you and if I never met you where would I be?” You finally let out a genuine laugh; Yoongi’s uncharacteristically dramatics getting to you. “I’m serious, y/n.” Your smile slowly fades as Yoongi’s eyes pierces through your soul. “You don’t know how amazing you are. How much of a light you are to those who only knows darkness. A source of guidance for those who are lost. A muse who radiates inspiration to a struggling artist. Everything you have done made you to the amazing person you are, and you should never feel ashamed for it.” You stared into Yoongi’s eyes for what felt like an eternity. The sincerity and truth in them caused your heart to ache and eyes water. You blinked breaking eye contact and the flood gates released. You laugh to hide your emotions but once again, Yoongi saw right through you. Before you could make a self-deprecating joke, Yoongi wraps you in his embrace. “It’s okay, you can let it all out. You are safe with me.” Your shoulders relax and you lose yourself in his warmth. Tears streamed down your face as you feel Yoongi lower the two of you back into the bed. Your mind unwillingly reprises the week with Jack. You were lucky; you knew that, but you couldn’t forget the anxiety and fear the riddled your blood every single day you were there. You had no control or power in what was going to happen to you. Your mind can’t help but think what would happen if Taehyung and Yoongi hadn’t found you. You would like to give Jack the benefit of the doubt but how could you? After everything he did to get to you, how are you so sure that he would stop? Yoongi continues to rub your back even as your sobs slow. “Do you want to let me know what’s going on in the mind of yours?”

You exhaled. “How do we know that Jack won’t try again?” You lift your head to meet Yoongi’s eyes. You know your swollen eyes and runny nose would be a complete turn off, but you were too broken to care.

Yoongi smiles at the frown on your face. He reaches over and hands you a tissue. You sit up and blow your nose. He waits till you’re done before answering your question. “Because he has a lot more on the line now. He doesn’t have the power anymore, you do.” You finally smile at the reminder. It was true, in hindsight. You had evidence against him that could lead to his incarceration. That’s right, he doesn’t have the control anymore. A small smile played on his lips as he watches your mood lifts. You look at Yoongi ready to let go off the topic when your brows furrow in sadness. “What’s wrong?” Yoongi sits up and rubs your arm soothingly.

You pout as you pulled on his shirt. “I made your shirt all wet.” You sobbed as Yoongi looks down and laughs.

Yoongi wraps you in his embrace again. “It will dry.”

“But it must be so uncomfortable.” You look up at him with tears brimming your eyes.

“I can change my shirt if I really need to.” He flashes his gummy smile as he runs his hand down your hair.

Your lips quivered stubbornly. “I’m so stupid.” You go to bury your face in his chest, but he stops you by cupping your cheeks in his hands.

“You’re cute,” You blink away your tears to clear your vision. Yoongi’s eyes scan your face with a kind smile. “You’re sweet.” His eyes light up as you fluster at his compliments. You begin to pull away to hide your embarrassment, but he only pulls you closer. “Okay, okay I’ll stop. Don’t run away, I want to know more about you.”

“You sure?” You squint at him pretending to criticise his features. “You look like you’re about to fall asleep any second now.” You find your voice to tease him back.

“That’s just my face.” He answers not missing a beat. You laugh. “I’m not sleepy, let’s keep talking.”

───────── ☾ • ☽ ──────────

Since the first night, everyone had split into different groups depending on the activity and timing. It was a break for all of you after all. There was no need to stick to strict schedules and activities. However, Jimin and Jungkook had prepared activities the whole group can do together. Today was the beach day activity. Everyone groaned when the idea was proposed. “It's winter, what good would going to the beach do?” Adora whined. Her eyes swollen shut from her good sleep the night before.

“We’ll go in the afternoon when it's a little hotter.” Jungkook explains. “And a lot of people go to the beach during winter – it's therapeutic.”

“The freezing water and the unforgiving wind. How therapeutic.” Hyewon rolls her eyes.

“There's an amazing seafood restaurant by the beach.” Jimin adds.

“I’m in!” Hyewon and Adora brighten at the mention of food.

Jungkook rolls his eyes. “We’ll all be going either way. This is non-negotiable.” Adora sticks her tongue out at Jungkook while Hyewon makes a face at him. “Children, all of them.” Jungkook grumbles as he passes by you.

━━━☆

Despite their initial reaction, everyone was enjoying themselves. The cool sea breeze felt refreshing, like a cleanse for the soul after a year of gruelling studying. You and Yoongi found yourself drifting away from the group as you walk along the beach shore. “I’m sorry I fell asleep on you.” Yoongi apologises making you laugh.

“How could you!” He nudges your shoulder with his for your sarcasm. “If we are apologising for things we don’t need to, should I apologise for crying last night?”

“Of course not,”

“Exactly.” Yoongi’s shoulders relax at your smile. “You’re right about Jack, my choices, everything, I think that way most days. Some days, I just can’t help but feel that way even when I know it’s wrong.”

“I get that.” Yoongi empathises. He looks behind him to see how far you’ve walked. “Should we head back?” You nodded and walked side by side back to your friends.

───────── ☾ • ☽ ──────────

The long-awaited day finally arrive, and you feel like you're going to throw up. Your nerves were getting the better of you. Why did you plan this out? As if you weren't going to go crazy just thinking about it. The alcohol burning your throat helped. It gave your thoughts a temporary salvation. But the chatter around you was muffled. You see Adora animatedly talk as she does her makeup and Hyewon laughs as she straightens her hair. What was Yoongi doing? Probably getting ready with the boys too. You hit back another shot gaining the girls attention. “Y/n, are you just going to drink and not get ready?” Adora questions with a slight worry in her tone.

“Yeah, if you keep going you won't even be able to get ready.” Hyewon looks at you through the mirror, but you ignore their gazes. You needed as much liquid courage as you could get. The two share a look before they get up and stop you from taking another shot. “Alright, don't drink by yourself.” Hyewon takes the drinks away from you.

You reach out in an attempt to fight back but you don't move from your seat. Adora places your hand down and she starts doing your makeup for you. “What's going on with you?”

“Nothing.” The girls share another look unconvinced. You sigh to snap yourself out of it. “Nothing!” You force a tight-lipped smile and straighten your shoulders. “I had a lot on my mind but I'm okay now.”

They study your expression before accepting your answer. “You better be. This is the perfect time to forget all of our responsibilities and just enjoy the present." You agree with Hyewon and take over doing your makeup. The girls went back to getting ready as you try and shut your nerves down at least for now.

━━━☆

Hyewon’s word became true. Once you opened the door to the living room, you were thrusted into party mode before you could even blink. Drinks were being handed left and right as music blasted from the corners of the room. Jungkook and Jimin were pumping to the beat while the rest were hyping each other up for tonight. Your eyes land on Yoongi and even though it is impossible to be so, you felt sober. His beauty never fails to take your breath away. To be fair with this time, it was because he was wearing earrings – something he has never done before. A flash of insecurity washes through you at the idea of others finding him attractive for it too. As if your thoughts were heard, Dohyeong’s question perks your interest. “Alright we’re all single here but the ratio is way off balance.”

“This is exactly why I like girls.” Hyewon rolls her eyes.

“That's right. It's even worse – we’re competing with Hyewon.” She smirks and puffs her chest out at the compliment. “So, what's the plan?”

“Whatever the plan is, count me out.” Yoongi cuts the conversation down at once. You bite the inside of your cheek to stop your smile.

It was Dohyeong’s turn to roll his eyes. “Yeah, that's without saying, lover boy.” Dohyeong eyes you without any subtlety. Your smile is threatening to break through, so you walk to the kitchen to fix yourself another drink.

━━━☆

The entire night breezes past you. The loud music, drunkards, and dancing threatened to sweep you away. You wanted to enjoy the night of course. But you didn't want to lose track of time and miss the opportunity. Yoongi was constantly in the back of your mind – metaphorically and physically. He was always found at a distance away over your shoulder. Standing stoically and impassively talking to whoever was taking a break at the time. He seems to know whenever you were thinking of him because sure enough, whenever you looked for him, he was already looking at you.

“How are you?” You shouted up at Yoongi as you stumble off the dance floor.

Yoongi smiles down at you as he stabilises you. “I'm good.” He whispered as he pulled you close to avoid the people passing by.

“That's good.” You gulped taking in everything of him. His warmth coursing through your body from where his hands meets your skin. His sharp eyes dancing across your face. The slight whiff of alcohol from his breath oddly stimulating your sense of smell.

“Do you want to get some air?” His question barely registers through your brain when you nodded yes. He directs you to the door; his hands never leaving your waist as he walks right behind you. Your legs follow his lead too distracted by the heat of his chest surrounding your back. You felt the moment creating itself without you having to try. A sense of relief floods through you once you came to the realisation. You never have to work so hard when it comes to Yoongi. When you’re with him everything comes naturally, everything falls into place, almost like it was fate. The winter breeze hits the two of you once you leave the stuffy club. You had expected the streets to be empty to avoid the winter chill but there were groups of people walking around the plaza and gathering around the beach. “What’s going on?”

You find a group of people in the middle of the plaza handing out unlit sparklers. “I think it’s for the countdown. Wanna grab one?” You gesture towards the group.

“Sure, I’ll let the others know in case they want to join in.” Yoongi texts the group as you make your way to take your own set. As the workers were handing you and Yoongi your own sparklers, Jin jumps on Yoongi’s back surprising the two of you. “That was quick.” Yoongi grumbles allowing Jin to cling on for once.

“We were going out for some fresh air as well.” Namjoon explained taking a sparkler for him and Jin. “Where are the others?”

You move away from the workers to not block the crowd as you caught up with Jin and Namjoon. “I left Adora and Hyewon on the dance floor – not sure if they would even see the text in time. I don’t know where the rest are.” Namjoon and you continue to talk while Yoongi wrestles Jin off him.

“Oh, there’s the dance team and Tae.” Namjoon nods his head to the left of the plaza. The four hadn’t come from the club but from the market stalls section. Unsurprisingly, Hobi and Jungkook were stuffing their face with food when Jimin waves at you. “You guys found us pretty quickly.” Namjoon greeted them once they were in earshot.

The boys got each of their sparklers before heading towards you. “Well, when we saw Yoongi messaged the group chat, we thought that was a pretty big deal, so we had to come.”

Yoongi momentarily stops wrestling with Jin to swear at Jungkook. “Fuck you.” Jin doesn’t waste time to seize the moment Yoongi’s guard was down and he bear hugs him. You all laugh when Jimin joins in and hugs Yoongi. You watch Yoongi struggle before accepting defeat from being sandwiched between his best friends.

Adora, Hyewon and 2Do joins the group while this scene was unfolding. “Well, I never thought I would see that.” Hyewon remarks before snapping a photo.

“Delete that or I’ll ki-” Before Yoongi could finish his threat, Taehyung cheekily joins the hug effectively blocking his view and ability to say anything more.

“Let’s head down to the beach.” Taehyung says as the group laughs. The three lead Yoongi towards the beach without breaking their hold earning a few weird looks and laughs along the way. Somehow, you see Yoongi’s face. Your heart races when seeing his eyes crinkle from the wide smile on his face. You had expected him to sport his signature glare and frown.

After nine months of knowing him, he still surprises you. Whenever you think you could predict his reaction or next move, he proves you wrong. After nine months, it stills feels like you don’t know him at all. They finally release Yoongi once their feet hit the sand. Yoongi shrugs everyone’s physical affection as he moves to the side where you stood. The mood was bright even in the night sky. “I hated that.” You turn to look at Yoongi next to you. His gaze wasn’t directed towards your friends in front of you but to the distance where strangers were gathered.

You knew what he meant. Yoongi was never fond of affection, but you wanted to tease him. “But you seemed so happy – I saw that smile of yours.” You nudge your shoulder lightly against his arm.

“No, the attention.” He clarifies making your smile fade. That’s right. After nine months, you still don’t know him at all.

[a/n] finally finished writing this on monday and since i've made you guys wait so long, i'll post it today (tuesday) rather than waiting for friday. i am still mentally blocked so hopefully your reactions to this chapter will help me. hope you enjoy!

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