#call me out for my awful awful takes idk im tired
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Marty McFly: A character analysis
I might make this a new series. I'm really into analyzing them rn (only because a youtube video said that Marty McFly is a flawless character, which I have. Objection against) (I watched this video just before writing this and now I'm committing myself to writing about the characters).
ANYWAY here we go
So. Marty, am I right?
The protagonist of the back to the future franchise. Which is funny, because I read that the movies aren't about Marty at all: The first film is about George, the second about Biff and the third about Doc. And that kinda makes sense. That's exactly what causes people to see Marty as just a flawless, "hero" type character, only there to solve problems with his confidence.
If people are saying that Marty is flawless, what is his role then? (Also, what confidence???)
Let's break Marty up into his good traits and his flaws for this.
Good traits:
I'd say that Marty's most important, good trait is his loyalty. Be it to Doc or his family, during the trilogy, we see him putting the people he cares about over himself - he goes to save Doc in Part III even though Doc told him not to come back, he burns the almanac even though he could have very well kept it for himself and made money off it but didn't want to risk it after what he's seen. He does solve the problems by looking at his loved ones and finding the determination to actually do it. Even though he could have died in the process, or become stuck, or whatever. We see himself willing to sacrifice the entire universe just so Doc survives the shooting at the mall. He stands up for his young mom in 1955 even though that could mean that he worsens the situation with the whole "lorraine has the hots for him" thing. If that isn't loyalty, I don't know what is. And it helps him get through all the insane shit that he experiences, and always pays off at the end. Except when Doc leaves him at the end of part III, but that's on Doc. Booo. Not nice.
Marty is also brave. You might think, "Ah, but Dary! He literally was too chicken to send his recording tapes in. This is not something that makes a character brave." Maybe. But in my opinion, him being brave is partly linked to his loyalty. Which may be me cheating a little, because I have the loyalty thing covered already and now I'm bringing it up again lmao. But hear me out. The situations that require him being brave are the ones he gets into because he's loyal. For example, the rooftop of Biff's casino in Part II. The only reason he's up there is because he needs to know more details about how Biff got the damn almanac just to set the timeline straight. Not for himself, no. For George. For Lorraine. For Doc. Because they met worse fates in that timeline than he did, and that's his priority. The first thing he does after burning the book is check the newspaper about his father. And Marty would jump off a building to make sure his dad's alive in the right timeline. Another, simpler example is him jumping in front of Sam's car in Part I. Why does he do it? To get George out of harm's way. And it was brave. I would have never done that. BUT (here it comes, the actual point of him being brave being a good trait for himself!) he also is brave outside of standing up for or protecting somebody. In the skateboard chase scene in part I, he's protecting himself from being crushed between a 46' Ford and a manure truck, so he performs the arguably coolest stunt in film history and walks over Biff's car. Just like that. He also does the whole hoverboard chase thing in Part II to protect himself from Griff, even through Griff crashing into the courthouse mall wasn't part of his plan at all. Marty is a brave boy and, despite his insecurities, proves that over and over again.
Being inventive and creative is also part of his personality. From the basics like playing his guitar with passion, being the one to jump in when Marvin was unavailable and playing a rendition of the "Greatest 80s Hits"-CD on the school dance stage from basically scratch to coming up with bizzare plans to achieve his goals. Making out with his own mom so George can play hero? Yes. Throwing a literal pie plate at an old west outlaw to save Doc's life? Also yes. Writing Doc a letter when the dude refuses to listen to Marty's warnings? Absolutely. Saving Doc and Clara with his hoverboard, stealing some kids' skateboards/hoverboards to help him out (which is. morally questionable but inventive and helpful for him), all of these things prove that he's capable of thinking on his feet and has the drive and creativity to get him out of every situation.
Alright, to counter that, let's have a look at his rather bad traits.
Flaws
Everyone who has seen the trilogy at least once is familiar with Marty's chicken complex. Strangely, that only appears from part II and onward, which is. Weird. But I can see where that came from - not wanting to stand in George's shadow, being able to prove that he isn't a chicken or a wimp now that his dad isn't. He wants to show everyone that he's not like the original George, not like the family line of his that "never amounted to anything in the history of Hill Valley". Not only is that a flaw in itself, it also gets him into dangerous and even potentially life-threatening situations (e.g. the duel with Buford). I don't know if there's a word for that, but this is his major problem in the sequels.
Connected to that and the root of the chicken thing is Marty's insecurity in himself. And that definitely starts out in Part I. He's scared of rejection, which is why he doesn't even consider sending the tape with his music the record company. This hasn't anything to do with being brave, this is about how Marty perceives himself. And as we see, he doesn't have very. High views. And here's the thing - he actually learns to be less insecure in himself in Part I, by teaching George to be more confident because his literal existence depends on it and he's basically forced to teach George the things he was never taught (well, unless maybe by Doc) and never believed in. After seeing that this has saved himself and his parents' romance, Marty sees that "hm, maybe I should try this for myself" and actually grabs the tape on his way to the dining room to eventually send it later. Then, we dive into Part II and someone - Griff - directly insults his newfound confidence. Boom, cue the chicken complex (which is, by the way, the reason for the entirety of BTTF III lmao).
Marty is also reckless as hell. Not saying that's it's a bad thing to want to keep your loved ones alive, but there is so much that could go wrong and Marty could potentially destroy the world. Well, now he knows how Doc must have felt since 1945 (Yes, this reference was necessary. Forshadowing for my Doc character analysis post <3). He also tends to get in danger because of unfortunate results of a spur-of-the-moment decision, again bringing up the skateboard chase here. He could have died in this and it's not talked about enough. Marty also offended Mad Dog which led to him almost being hanged. Same movie, Marty could have been shot in a duel. Buford could have gone for the head, you know? Marty didn't have a helmet. I wonder how Doc hasn't lost his mind with that boy yet. He's awfully calm throughout all of this. Maybe I should thank Clara for some of that.
Back to the question: What role does Marty play in BTTF?
Well, there's two things: He creates the problems but then also solves them for everyone around him. He learns things for himself. The first movie focuses on George's character arc, leaving Marty's seemingly nonexistent arc in the shadow. But he did get inspiration to get his tapes listened to. Part II, about Biff. Marty learns that being successful easily doesn't mean you've done things for yourself and your own growth, and that it can harm those around you if you're careless, all while the asshole Biff is in the forefront and we see how cruel he can be. Third movie, about Doc. Marty is the one seeing things through Doc's usual angle and he has to make sure Doc gets home (I'm still sad Doc didn't come back with Marty. Like what the fuck :( ) all while dealing with his own problems, and without Doc being here to get him out of that he finally realizes that dying because someone called you yellow isn't worth it. Marty is the protagonist in the "shadow", the hot dude that has the most screentime but is also important to the plot because of his imperfections - which allows us to explore other characters' arcs and personalities. Thanks, Marty.
Marty isn't a flawless character. His flaws are the reason for the damn threequel and 70% of Part II. He's your average, reckless teenage boy who values his friends and family and would do everything for them.
I love that guy.
PHEW. I truly hope all of this makes sense lol I'm writing this at 11:30 PM because, again, this one video pissed me off by saying that Marty is just a flawless, "perfect" hero character.
JOIN ME SOMETIME THIS OR NEXT WEEK FOR DOC HEHE
these are surprisingly fun to write
#bttf#back to the future#can't wait to wake up tomorrow and decide that this is a bunch of nonsense /j#marty mcfly#character breakdown#if you have anything to add. feel free to do so#call me out for my awful awful takes idk im tired#it's late and i have yet to do a pic for mjfs birthday#this is hell but like in a good way#character analysis
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Cady’s Cousin (pt.2)
(pt. 1)/(pt. 3)/(pt. 4)
A/N: sorry this is mostly like “texting” also the relationship/couples I have in here are (karen and gretchen), (cady and regina), later I’ll add (janis and reader) and maybe (aaron and kevin g) idk maybe lol I won’t be tagging the ships since they’re not the main ship I hope y’all liked this lol
(Sunday 8:30pm)
*Cady created a group chat*
Cads 🦁: hey guys I made this group chat so (Y/N) can get to know you guys, you guys can get to know them, and just for fun 👍
???(1): aw Cady that’s so sweet, this is Aaron by the way lol
(Y/N): can everyone send their name please 🙏
???(2): karen 💕
???(3): Beyoncé
???(4): that’s Damian ^, this is janis 👾
Damian🌟: janis you’re no fun this is homophobia
Janis👾: yeah I hate the gays 🙄
karen💕: ??? u hat me 😞
Janis👾: no not you karen just Damian
karen💕: o okie 😽
???(5): the hottest bitch you’ll meet
(Y/N): hi Regina
Cads🦁: Y/N!!!
(Y/N): cads chill I know she’s off limits
Regina👛: aw baby you’re so cute when you’re jealous
Janis👾: barf 🤮
(Y/N): 😭😭😭
(Y/N): wait where’s Gretchen?
karen💕: sleping 😴
Damian🌟: Important question! Y/n are you one of them queers?
(Y/N): I would be offended if you thought I wasn’t
*damian has named group chat “fruit loops”*
Janis👾: I-
(Y/N): oh that’s-
Damian🌟: OK STOP BEING HOMOPHOBIC TO THE GAY BLACK MAN IM A MINORITY HERE
Regina👛: how’s everyone feeling about school tomorrow? I’m kind of excited mostly because the school cheese fries just hit different yk?
Cads🦁: I’m excited too but for classes I picked an extra math class this year
(Y/N): ha nerd 🤓
(Y/N): I’m nervous lol but at least I have you guys
Janis👾: I’m not excited I hate school it keeps me from doing more important things
(Y/N): like what?
Janis👾: sleeping
Damian🌟: I’m excited I decided that I’m gonna take the new senior only theater class which is a little out of my comfort zone but I’ll manage
Aaron🧍♂️: I was supposed to be graduated last year so I’m not excited at all
(Y/N): YOU GOT HELD BACK?!?! WHAT?!?!
Aaron🧍♂️: yeah I failed English and history so I couldn’t graduate
Cads🦁: it’s ok Aaron now you get to be with us for another year 😊
(Sunday 11:50pm) fruit loops
(Y/N): guys I can’t sleep
Janis👾: same I’ve been lying very still and it’s not working
Damian🌟: janis did you take the melatonin I gave you?
Janis👾: yeah but it’s not working 😔
Damian🌟: welp that’s a you problem then
(Monday 2:30am) fruit loops
(Y/N): do you think I can fit 40 mini marshmallows in my mouth?
Janis👾: oh absolutely
(Y/N): omg ur still awake too?
Janis👾: yeah lol
(Y/N): I just put 35 mini marshmallows in my mouth idk if I can fit more
Janis👾: if you fit all 40 I’ll give you 5 bucks
(Y/N): challenge accepted
(Monday 2:37am) fruit loops
(Y/N): I fit all 40 and almost choked lmao
Janis👾: lmao nice your $5 will be given at school
(Y/N): yippieeee
(Y/N): dude I literally can’t sleep
Janis👾: wanna call? That’s what me and Damian used to do before he got a good sleep schedule lmao
(Y/N): um sure me and my friend back home used to do that too
*incoming call from Janis👾*
“Hi” you whispered suddenly feeling a little more tired with her company even if it was only over the phone “hey” janis said with a small yawn “nice shirt” you say seeing her Lego movie shirt “oh um thanks” she says with a laugh “so what’s up?” “Let’s take turns asking each other questions until we fall asleep” you say with a little yawn “hmm ok favorite color?” She asks you “ooo definitely (your favorite color), how about you?” “Hmm either green or purple” “ooo good choice, hmm hobbies?” “I sing and write a little but I guess art even though I don’t consider it a hobby it’s more of a lifestyle” “art? Can I see some?” “Yeah sure I’ll show you some stuff tomorrow” you both yawn “shit it’s 3 am” janis sighs “fuck” you chuckle sleepy “um I’m getting tired” janis says with a tired laugh “me too” you say starting to close your eyes “good night (y/n)” “good night Janis” you say with a yawn falling asleep as she hangs up
Monday 5:30am
“Pst…(y/n)? You gotta wake up” your cousin said lightly shaking you “ugh five more minutes” you mumbled “no come on up you gotta get ready” she insisted, you got up against your body begging to go back to sleep “good morning sleepy head” Cady said with an enthusiastic smile “cads what time is it?” “5:33” “doesn’t school start at like 8:30?” “No it starts at 8 and I wanted to make sure you had enough time to get ready and have breakfast, breakfast is very important” “uh huh…mm thanks cads” you say with a yawn deciding to get up and look through your clothes “meet me in my room when you’re done getting dressed, ok?” Cady said “um ok?” You said grabbing your favorite jeans and shirt then going to look for your jacket as your cousin left
(Monday 5:40 am) fruit loops
Gretchen🌷: good morning everyone soooo so sorry for not texting yesterday I went to bed early
Regina👛: it’s ok Gretch don’t worry about it
Regina👛: also damn I think Janis and (y/n) our new insomniac duo
(Y/N): unfortunately yes I’m so fucking tired also good morning Gretchen
Aaron🧍♂️: why are you guys up so early it’s not even six yet? I literally woke up because of all the buzzing
(Y/N): cads woke me up :(
Regina👛: my skincare and makeup routine take like and hour
Gretchen🌷: I like mornings ☀️
You finished getting ready and headed over to Cady’s room like she asked you to. “What’s up cads?” “Eee (y/n) ok so first of all how are you feeling about your first day” “a little nervous and tired I only got like 2 and a half hours of sleep” “oh goodness (y/n) why didn’t you sleep sooner?”cady says concerned “Because I wasn’t tired?” You half joked. Cady hands you a paper. “That’s a map of the school the way Janis sees it she gave it to me on my first day I feel like it could be helpful for you” “oh um wow thanks cads” you say giving her a half hug. Your aunt knocks on Cady’s open door “hey girls good morning” “good morning mom” Cady says enthusiastically, you yawn “morning” you say with a small smile “I’ve got to head to work but I’m assuming you girls have a ride?” “Yeah Aaron’s gonna pick us up I think?” Cady answers “alright I love you two, be on your best behavior and call me or text me if you need me” your aunt says as she leaves “bye” you and Cady say at the same time. You head to the kitchen and pour yourself a bowl of cereal
(Monday 6:40am) fruit loops
Regina👛: my mom is doing a coffee run what does everyone want?
Damian🌟: iced coffee, oat milk, vanilla
Gretchen🌷: just the usual for me and Karen
Janis👾: iced coffee, oat milk, lavender
(Y/N): um (your coffee order) please
Cads🦁: can you just get me a tea?
Regina👛: yeah of course I’ll get your favorite
Aaron🧍♂️: regular coffee, cream and sugar please
Regina👛: ok also who’s picking up who today? I can get Karen and Gretchen as usual
Aaron🧍♂️: my mom said I don’t have car privileges this week so I can’t give anyone a ride
Damian🌟: I can get janis for sure but if anyone else needs a ride I can get them too
Cads🦁: can you give (Y/N) and I a ride please we’re ready whenever you are 👍
Damian🌟: yeah I’ll be over in 10 then we’ll go get Janis because I know she’s not ready yet
Janis👾: I would be offended but it’s true
Regina👛: alright meet at our usual spot?
Aaron🧍♂️: 👍
Damian🌟: sounds good see y’all soon
#janis ‘imi’ike#regina george#cady heron#gretchen wieners#damian hubbard#karen shetty#aaron samuels#mean girls 2024
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..heey.... so funny story this is all shit and giggles its not supposed to be good. my friends and i have a server on discord dedicated to talking and gushing about leon. we were talking and naturally came up with the scenario? idk i wantes to write something so happy first post on this app! its also REALLY long i got so distracted and wanted a whole ass story.
"he is so lana del rey" (ABSOLUTELY RANCID GRAMMAR WARNING)
NSFW warning! read at your own risk? uuhh, leon eats you out, p in v, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), riding, praise kink?
you stood at the stove in the kitchen Leon and yourself shared. faint music playing in the background as you stirred the pasta that was currently boiling. at the moment, leon should be driving home from a tiring mission in the city today, what better thing to do than treat him with dinner?
as if your thoughts were the cue to the world, the familiar sound of a black jeeps' tires rolled into the drive way. the excitement of seeing your fiancé after a long day bubbled into your chest. you untied the apron that protected your clothes and hung it up, waiting patiently for the door to open.
the door handle wiggled slightly at the sound of keys attempting to unlock it. as soon as the click was heard, so was the creek of it swinging open. an extremely tired leon came slowly walking in, shutting the door behind him.
he was silent as he removed his work shoes and bomber jacket, sighing with content from finally being home. he stretched his muscles softly, trying not to cause pain. the smell of the pasta roamed the air.
"im home, love" he called out as his feet crept towards the smell.
"in the kitchen!" you yelled back, adding the sauce into the drained noodles.
your eyes were focused on the food infront of you, so you hadnt noticed leon coming up behind you until his hands snaked around your waist. his head rested on your shoulder as he spoke quietly.
"it smells nice," your spine tingled from his touch and voice, but you had smiled none the less, "i missed you today." he spoke again, leaving a light kiss on your shoulder.
"i missed you even more," you reply, spinning around in his grasp and wrapping your hands around his neck.
you leaned up and connected your guys lips quickly. when you pulled back, he had a small smile dancing on his features and his eyes were dull in the light. he pulled you closer into a hug, holding your body like it was glass.
"i dont think thats possible" he retorted, resting his head on yours as he rubbed small circles into your lower back.
you laughed lightly, trying to pry from his grip, "whatever helps you sleep at night, kennedy" you teased, turning around to continue cooking.
he rubbed his face and backed away to let me cook, "im gonna go shower, that mission was rough" he muttered the last part and you frowned lightly, "feel free to join" he finished as he walked up the stairs, leaving your face red.
he was such a god awful tease to you and he knew how riled up you got about it. you shook your head free of lewd thoughts and finished the pasta. you grabbed two plates from the cupboard above and plated it neatly, setting it on the counter, hoping it would cool in the time he showered.
over time, the steam from the pasta stopped and leon came down the stairs in a black tshirt and grey sweatpants. he knew exactly what he was doing to you when he wore them.
"you didnt have to, love" he said, kissing your head softly before grabbing a fork and digging in.
"well, you always work so hard, its the bare minimum to just cook you food" you shrug, taking a bite as well.
he chewed quickly and spoke again, "its delicious too, im surprised you didnt light the house on fire" he laughed before taking another bite.
"hey!" you shouted, shoving his shoulder playfully, "guess i wont cook for you anymore" you scoffed, rolling your eyes and twirling pasta around your fork.
"im teasing you, you know" he spoke with pasta in his mouth, smiling slightly.
"if you keep talking with food in your mouth, you can return the engagement rings" you retort, waving you fork at him and finishing your plate.
you ran the plate under warm water and set it delicately in the dishwasher. drying your hands with a towel, you looked up at leon with a cock eyebrow and pursed lips
"you love me too much" he said smoothly as he rinsed his plate and set it next to yours.
he stood infront of you and mirrored the position, clearly mocking you. you rolled yours eyes again and huffed out
"i hate you" you finally blurted, but he knew you meant nothing of those words
without responding, he lifted you and threw your body over his shoulder playfully, "mhm, like youll be saying that in about.. 30 minutes" he tilted his head in estimation.
"leon scott kennedy! put me down you-" you thrashed, but his grip on your back only tighten as laughter filled the air. you decided to give up, knowing where this was going anyways.
he used his free hand to open the door to your shared bedroom and closed it with his foot. he gently dropped you onto the freshly made comforter and leaned down to kiss me.
the kiss was light on your lips, but heavy in emotion. he broke it slightly, supporting his body on his forearms that trapped your head. he kissed the corner of your mouth and trailed them from your cheek, to jaw, and to your neck.
you tilted your head up and back into the blanket, giving him better access to leave red and purple marks. a ligjt gasp left your mouth as you tangled your fingers within his sandy blonde hair when he reached your sensetive spot, just like he always does. you had felt his lips curl into a smile as he continued to kiss and lightly bite the same area.
"leon- stop that-" you breathed out, hands going to grip at his biceps and push him back.
he leaned up to get a better look at your face, reaching up to remove hair from your view, "hm? you know.. your body talks more than your mouth." he whispered, his hands riding up your waist underneath your shirt, his cold hands makimg contact with warm skin, making you jolt.
you turned your head away in to sheets, trying to hide the embarrassment just because you know hes right. your thighs were pressed together to attempt at any type of friction due to lack of attention.
he noticed this action right away, his hands resting on your waist again, "see? arent i always right?" he asked lowly, his hands coming down to lift the shirt over your head.
he leaned down again and left light kisses and bites on your collarbone, trailing down to your chest, and down to your stomach. you opened your mouth the protest but no words came out. he was now knealing on the floor infront of your laying figure on the bed.
your hands came up to unclip the bra you had been wearing since leon skipped right past it. you had sucked a breath in as your chest had been hit with the cold atmosphere of the room. you looked down at leon as his eyes were glossed over with hunger.
his index fingers hooked the band of your shorts and panties. he looked up at you for the go ahead and you nodded, slammimg your head back into the bed as he slid them down to the floor, disregaurding them somewhere in the room.
"i thought you said you hated me?" he asked as he used his hands to spread your thighs apart, his breath hitting your soaking cunt.
"leon please dont-" you reached down and tugged on his hair, eyes squeezing shut in embarrassment.
"dont what, bunny? use your words now" he said, looking back up at your pathetic face.
"dont fucking tease-" you manage to stutter out, trying to lift your hips away from him.
he used his arms to pry your legs open and his hands to keep your hips down, completely restricting from resistance. he began leaving light kissed on your lower left thigh, working his way up but skipping over where it needed him most and going to your right thigh, repeating the same actions.
you whined out, "leon just- please" you begged, tugging at his damp hair again.
"well, considering you asked so nicely" he gave in, leaning in to kiss the top of your pelvis.
he dove his tongue out, flattening it against your clit and then harshly flicking his tongue around. he latched his lips around it, sucking like he would never get the chance again. he removed one hand off your hips and used it to prod at your soaked hole.
"l..leon! oh.. mph!" you gasp out, hips bucking at the feeling of his mouth working you to oblivion.
"hmm?" he asked, still having his lips connected to the bundle of nerves he was toying with, the vibration of his words sending a shockwave through your body.
without warning, he plunged his middle finger into your sopping arousal, making you let out an audible moan. his finger worked back and forth, hitting that spongey spot over and over again as his tongue sucked and lapped at your clit. he added his ring finger now, stretching your hole out and doubling the pleasuring spot he hit.
the coil in your abdomen only grew tighter the more and more he worked at you, "fuck leon- im gonna-" you squeeked out, arching your back as your thighs shook slightly.
he pulled his head back to speak, "go ahead, bunny" he encouraged, letting you release onto his fingers.
your hole clenched around his digets as your orgasm hit like a rock, leaving you breathless and leons chin covered in saliva and the wetness of your core.
he removed his fingers slowly, getting back up to kiss you. you tasted yourself on his tongue as he dominated your mouth again. he wiped his fingers onto the blanket before leaning up and removing his own shirt.
"are you alright, love?" he asked sweetly, towering over you and kissing your forehead.
you nodded slowly, trying to regulate your breathing from your high. you opened your eyes to meet his loving gaze, his slightly dried hair dipping infront of his face as he looked down at you. "im alright" i whisper, finally getting your voice back.
he only smiled before latching his lips back to yours, pulling his sweats and boxers down in one swift motion. he kicked them somewhere with your discarded clothes and stood between your legs. he broke the kiss, a string of saliva connecting it still as he went to wipe it away with his thumb. he moved to sit on the edge of the bed, grabbing your hips and pulling you up with him.
"youre being so good for me tonight, yeah? wanna be even prettier and show me how much you want this?" he muttered into your ear, helping you situate each leg around his own.
your sensetive cunt hovered over his hard on. your eyes were hazy as you looked almost down at him. you nodded and used your hand to guide his cock under your entrance. once you deemed it possible, you slowly sunk down onto him, taking in his length bit by bit. you dropped your head into the crook of his neck as you whimpered incoherent sentences.
his hands drew small circles into your back, his breath hitching as your pussy wrapped tightly around his shaft, sinking painfully slow, but he had to let you adjust. "its okay, love, take your time" he whispered, kissing the side of your head. his hands made their way down to your hips to help you.
after a moment you decided to slam your entire body down on him, "fuck! mm leon!" you moaned out, biting his shoulder as your nails clawed at his back.
he lifted his head, opening his mouth in a silent groan. "fuck, bunny, you take me s'fucking good" he muttered, gripping the flesh of your hips harshly.
you got the confidence to start rolling your hips back and forth, picking up the pace and building a momentum that felt right. you shoved your face into his neck again to prevent yourself from screaming out. "mph- so fucking full le- mmph!" you cried, working even faster.
he mumbled jabbled words of praise, his hands guiding your movements for support. he felt your nails dig into the muscles of his shoulders, creating vial red scratches along the surface. he didnt mind, he wore them so proudly whenever he did anything shirtless. he felt his release approaching as your pussy clenched down on him with every movement. "just like that my love- fuck" he breathed out
your words became nothing but begs and pleads for the band to snap in your core. your movements became faster but sloppier, you would do anything to finish at this moment, but you needed more. you lifted your head to look at leon in this moment, his hair tousled and sweat lining his forehead.
you pressed your forehead to his, "m fuck leon im gonna- so close" you muttered as leon reached every sensetive spot inside of you.
"me too- gonna come soon bunny-" he whispered, trapping your lips in a wet opened mouth kiss.
with a few more finally rolls of your hips, your band snapped again and you yelped out, "fuck! leon- i-" you said, your gushing cunt squeezing tight around him.
"i know, love, i know" he muttered, releasing himself into you, letting your head fall onto his shoulder and pant out, too tired to get off of him, "lets get you to bed, hm?" he offered, lifting you off of his cock, watching his release leak out of you. he layed you down softly and got up, grabbing a towel and cleaning you up.
he pulled his own sweat back on before pulling your panties back up and throwing his black tshirt over your head. you felt half asleep when he picked you up and slid under the covers with you his arms. he wrapped his arm around your waist and used the other one to prop his head up, watching over your sleepy figure.
"i love you leon" you mutter, your eyes falling closed and putting you to sleep.
"told you so" he said triumphantly and closing his own eyes, letting his own sleep find him, "love you too, bunny" he whispered with a kiss on the back of your head.
you both fell asleep, his arms holding you like you were glass
#leon kennedy x reader#leon kennedy#what a hunk#what am i doin with my life#leon kennedy smut#this is a cry for help#send help
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call me | 70s!elvis x fem!reader
summary: you and elvis meet at a time where he needs someone the most.
warnings: angst, gets nsfw at the end but not too crazy. mentions of pills, loneliness and idk it's kinda sad. sorry if i missed anything
word count: 3,029
note: written while listening to call me by kali uchis <3 i don't know why everything i write is always sad, maybe i'm portraying my own feelings on elvis. WHO KNOWS! i honestly wanted to write more to this but i needed to stop myself lol i skimmed through for errors so if i missed any, that's my bad. if i read my writing over again, im deleting it 🤷🏼 may contain inaccuracies. i write everything with the real elvis in mind but you could probably imagine aus!elvis if you wanted.
❤︎
elvis was grateful for everything in his life. he was happy to be able to make millions of people’s lives a little better by singing the music he loved.
but god, he was so lonely.
going back to his hotel room, show after show, it was tiring. he loved performing but coming back to a quiet room after hours of social interaction left him feeling empty. of course, he would occasionally bring a girl to his hotel room but that was never enough for him. the sex was always great, but sometimes he just wanted someone to talk to. the women who came to his room never cared about talking, they just wanted him.
he was having one of those nights. finishing up his final show of the month before flying back to memphis for a few weeks. he planned to leave in the morning so he could get a few hours of sleep before heading out.
you happened to be staying in the same hotel elvis was staying. seeing elvis was a dream come true. it had been an awful week for you but nothing was going to stop you from seeing him, that's for sure. it was a chance for you to forget the real world for a little bit.
oh, but of course something had to go wrong on this day. your stupid, little hotel key wasn’t working. that or the door was stuck.
“well, i sure hope you're not tryin’ to break in my hotel room.” a man said in a strong, accent that sounded awfully too familiar to you. he walked closer to you, taking his glasses off.
you looked up at him, then at the number on the hotel door. stupid, stupid, stupid. it was the wrong room. yours was next door. you had just tried to break into elvis presley’s hotel room. “oh….you're-i….i wasn’t-...it's not what it looks like-” you stammered.
he laughed and pat you on the shoulder. “darlin’, don't even worry about it. i can tell by the look on your face that you got the wrong room.”
“i’m so sorry, elvis. really! it's been a long week, i just wasn't paying attention.”
elvis shook his head,”don't apologize. d’ya need anything?” he asked. you were taken back by the question, even if it was a simple one. how do you even answer that question?
“i don't want to be a burden-”
“definitely not a burden. i can’t sleep after a show anyway.” he unlocked the door to his hotel room, “you did just try to break into my room, it's the least i can do.” he joked.
you wandered into his room, looking around. there were only a few clothing items hanging in the closet and the room seemed as if nobody was staying there, besides the various pill bottles you noticed on the side table. it did smell like him though, in a good way.
“i never leave my room when i’m tourin’ except to perform. that's why there's not much to look at, sorry if you're disappointed.” he chuckled. he placed his glasses on the dresser and slid his shoes off, setting them aside. “make yourself at home! i’m gonna shower and freshen up.” you nodded as you watched him make his way to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.
you sat on the edge of his bed, still wondering why you were invited into his room. you've read about the girls he brings into his hotel rooms, there was no way that's why he invited you in. you loved elvis, you thought he was very handsome but you weren't that kind of girl. it was definitely tempting to snoop around his room but you had too much respect for the man to do that. his personal business was not yours.
he opened the bathroom door, glancing over to see if you were still there. you turned your head towards him, flashing a small smile at him as he ran a towel through his hair.
“have you just been sitting there? you haven't even taken your shoes off! i promise i don't bite!” he hung his towel up and made his way to pour himself and you a drink. “unless you want me to, of course.” he grinned.
“oh come on, you don't even know my name.” you giggled, slipping your shoes off. he handed you a drink and sat beside you.
“alright then, what's your name?” he asked.
“y/n.”
“lovely name, y/n.” he took a sip from his drink. “so, y/n….”
you turned your body slightly to look him in the eyes. “elvis…i-i hope you know i’m not that kind of girl…y’know that sleeps around. you're a very nice looking man but-”
his eyes widened at you, almost as if he was offended. “woah, wait a minute. who said anything about sleepin’ together?! i was just joking about the biting thing! you said you had a bad week, i thought you might wanna talk about it. is that why you think i invited you in here?” he exclaimed. “i’m not all about sex, y’know!”
ah–now you felt bad, you felt the heat from your cheeks turning red in embarrassment. “oh lord, i’m making a fool of myself tonight.” you muttered, drinking the entire glass he handed to you earlier. you don't even drink often and the liquid burned as it went down your throat but god, after tonight, you didn't care. “look, i’m sorry. apparently my big mouth continues to fail me.” you stood up. “can't keep a job, can't keep my relationships and apparently i can’t even talk to elvis presley!”
he pulled you back down onto the bed next to him. “let’s just start over, sound good?”
you nodded, apologizing again. “i’m sorry. i just–seeing you tonight was amazing. i lost my job last week, just got out of a awful relationship and all my friends have been avoiding me ever since. i was supposed to be here with my best friend but she won't talk to me so i had to come alone and to make things worse, i almost broke into your hotel room.” you sniffled. “i’m a disaster.”
“don't say that.” he frowned. “first of all, if you hadn't tried breaking in here, you wouldn't be talking to me. second, you're not a disaster, don't ever say that about yourself. one bad week doesn't determine your whole life.”
elvis stood up from the bed, walking over to the window showing the night sky over the city. he leaned against the wall, drink in hand while staring out. you couldn't help but stare at his tall figure, dressed in basic black pajamas with his hair still slightly damp from his shower. it was the most beautiful sight you've ever seen.
“i ain’t ever said this to anyone. but my heart is telling me to trust you.” he took a sip from his drink and continued to stare out the window. “do you know how many friends i’ve lost since….” he pointed outside. “all this? all these shows? all people ever want from me is money or expensive shit, nobody ever asks how i’m doin’” he stood there silent for a minute. “i finish a show, hop on a plane, do another show, sit in a hotel room by myself and just rot. that's all i do.”
“but the girls-”
he looked over at you. “the girls?” he scoffed. “gotta do something with all that adrenaline.”
you looked down at your hands, still holding the empty glass that was handed to you earlier. the urge to pour yourself another drink was strong, but you were too nervous to get up from the bed. who would have known that someone who has made such a huge impact in music, was struggling so much? it broke your heart listening to him tell you his troubles, you could tell he had been holding it in for so long.
you looked up at him again. “do you enjoy it?”
“enjoy what?”
“performing.”
he sat in a chair in the corner of the room facing her. he sighed. “i enjoy making people happy.” you stood up and made your way to the spot he was standing in near the window, crossing your arms and looking down at him.
“but are you happy?”
elvis had never really been asked that before. he didn’t know how to answer that question. to be honest, he wasn't unhappy. but he wasn't thrilled about how his life was going either. the colonel refused to let him leave the states, he was very much overworked and exhausted, but no matter how tired or how much pain he was in, he went on to perform a hell of a show for hundreds of people every night. seeing the fans happy is what brought him so much joy.
he sat there in silence, not looking at you, almost as if he was holding back tears. god, he was so overwhelmed. he didn't even know you and he was sitting here, opening up his more vulnerable side to you. “i don't know if i can answer that question.” he murmured.
crouching down in front of him, his tear-filled eyes glanced up at you. “can i hug you, elvis?” he nodded, reaching his breaking point and letting tears fall from his blue eyes. you sat on his thigh and wrapped your arms around his shoulders, giving an awkward, yet comforting side hug. it was nice. the smell of old spice and aftershave giving you a sense of peace.
“thank you.” he whispered. “i’ve been feelin’ so lost, so alone….i have nobody to talk to.”
“do you have a show tomorrow?” he shook his head. “‘m going back to memphis tomorrow.”
you got up from his lap and went over to the desk, reaching for a pen and ripping off part of a small hotel notepad to jot down your number. “if you need anything, and i mean anything…..i want you to call me. if you feel lonely or just need to escape for a bit, call me. i don't care what time it is or what day it is, please reach out to me.” you begged.
he smiled at you. “i may just take you up on that offer.”
a few days passed. there was no sign of elvis, you hadn't received any calls since you saw him that night. it was a little worrying. maybe he didn't like you or maybe he was embarrassed? you tried to not let it bother you.
you were back home in california, spending each day checking the papers for new job listings and trying to keep yourself busy. the only time the phone rang was when your so called best friend finally called you, apologizing and asking about the concert. there was no explanation for them ignoring you for so long so you didn't say a word about the night you had with elvis.
the day was dragging on, it was hot and musty outside and the neighbors upstairs were arguing for the third time that evening. you were sat on the couch staring at the ceiling as a movie played in the background when the phone range. you turned your head towards the phone, almost afraid to answer it. picking it up, you nervously held it to your ear. “..hello?”
“is this y/n?”
your eyes widened. it was him. “elvis?” you gasped.
you could hear a slight chuckle on the other end. “hi darlin’, sorry for not calling. once i got to here, i just slept and uh….” he cleared his throat. “i was embarrassed…about-y’know.”
“not embarrassed enough cause you decided to call me” you joked.
“well, you got me there.” he laughed. “i wasn't feelin’ all that great so, i thought i’d suck it up and finally give you a call. how are you doin’?”
the two of you caught up. it hadn't been that long since you first met but it felt much longer. you rambled on about your friends and not being able to find a job, he rambled on about the colonel booking more dates.
“why don't you come down to memphis?”
“oh elvis, i don't have that kind of money–”
“did you really think i was gonna make you buy your own ticket?” he interrupted. “i can get you on the next flight down here. i just really need to see you.”
you didn't pass up on that offer. the flight was that same night, he had even arranged someone to pick you up and bring you to graceland. none of this felt real to you. you both spent nearly every second together, outside and inside of his home. he opened up to you even more, expressing his feelings about his mom, the colonel and the many friends who used him throughout the years. you told him about your hometown, how you didn't have many friends growing up and the struggle of keeping a job. it was like that for a few weeks.
eventually, people were starting to question his relationship with you. it wouldn't be long before the colonel started getting involved, especially with the new vegas shows coming up.
one morning, you were greeted by jerry, one of the few friends elvis trusted. he gave you a slight smile, wishing you good morning and asking how you've been. “i’ve haven't seen him like that in years, y’know.” he said.
you looked at him, puzzled. “like what?”
“happy.” you opened your mouth to respond, but nothing came out. “and for once, it's not because of the pills.”
you didn't see him much that day due to him being off recording an album, but you stayed at graceland, thinking about what jerry had said to you earlier. there was no denying it, you had feelings for him and you were positive he felt the same towards you. there was the occasional flirting and hand holding, maybe a few friendly kisses here and there but nothing more. now, it was just a matter of when elvis would confess to you his true feelings.
he returned home later that night, lighting up when he saw you dozing off on the couch. you jolted awake upon hearing the door shut. “hi, doll.” he whispered. “sorry for wakin’ ya.” sitting up, you rubbed at your eyes and got up from the couch. “i didn't mean to fall asleep, how was your day?”
he shrugged. “the usual. ‘m just ready to sleep” he sighed.
you hummed, stretching and wincing at the slight cracks your bones made. “i’ll let you sleep then, see you in the morning?”
“actually,” he took your hands in his, “would you sleep with me tonight?” he asked. his hands were warm against yours, you felt your heart skip a beat. “okay.” you responded, not giving it a second thought.
he took you to his room upstairs, you had been in there several times already but it was different this time. you sat in his bed and waited for him to return from the bathroom as he washed up. looking around, you couldn't help but notice the small bottle of sleeping pills next to him. he had always complained to you about never being able to fall asleep, maybe he just wanted some company tonight.
you watched as he stepped out of the bathroom and into his bed, bracing yourself for the conversation you were about to have with him.
“i-i spoke to jerry this morning.” you mumbled. his eyebrows rose, “oh? was he sayin’ anything bad about me?” you let out a small laugh. “no, no. nothin’ like that.” you stretched your legs out, playing with the hem of his blanket. “he said you've been happy lately.”
“i see.” he rubbed the back of his neck. “he said it was because of me.” you blurted out. elvis’s face turned red, “ah…that man..” he muttered, covering his face with his hands.
you removed his hands away from his face, giggling at him. “c’mon, sweet boy.” his face turned even more red. “don't call me that!” he felt his heart flutter at the pet name.
despite the many love songs he sang almost everyday, it had been awhile since he felt this much love for someone. he was absolutely, madly in love with you despite only knowing you for just a few weeks. your presence filled that emptiness that had been lingering in his heart for so long.
he looked away from you in embarrassment. “you can be honest with me, it's okay.” you squeezed his knee. elvis turned his head back towards you, fiddling with his hands nervously.
“i like you a lot, y/n. you breaking into my hotel room-”
“that was an accident!” you yelled.
“damn, honey! lower your voice!” he yelled back. “i’m trying to confess to you, let me finish! ever since that night, i haven't been able to stop thinkin’ about you. you don't know how bad i needed someone like you in my life…..baby, it gets lonely. i don't feel like that when i’m with you.”
you cupped his face, staring into his eyes lovingly. “can i kiss you?” you asked, softly. “yes, please.”
you wrapped your arms around his neck, kissing his beautiful, soft lips that you adored so much. he tasted like mint from the toothpaste he used earlier mixed with your cherry chapstick and you wouldn't have it any other way.
you always imagined this day, but never once thought you'd ever get to kiss elvis presley. he always kissed fans during his shows. unfortunately, he missed you at the last show. but now you finally had your time and boy, was it worth the wait.
he pulled you onto his lap, deepening the kiss. you rolled your hips against his, forcing a small groan to escape his lips. the two of you continued for a few minutes till he pulled away, breathless and looking at you, pupils blown and with lust in his eyes. “baby, if we keep goin’, i’m not gonna last long.”
“mmm, i guess we'll have to find out, won't we?” you grinned.
#elvis x reader#elvis presley#elvis 2022#elvis#elvis movie#elvis x y/n#ill post this on ao3 later#i cringed writing the last part idk how people write smut
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Reasons why I think I'm certain character from twisted wonderland.... under the cut
tw — talks of starvation, isolation, death, abandonment, underlining stalking, horror, bullying... not talking of these by a lot but there are mentions so heres your warning
Idia, Malleus, Riddle, Rook, Azul
1. Idia Shroud
❝ Hey. ...So, uh, can I go now? ❜❜
— Okay hear me out. Listen. If you knew me personally or even if you don't I think you'd realize just how often I don't leave my room or go outside even if i want to
— I'm relatively always on the internet reading, playing games, drawing, watching YouTube, yknow.
— I don't go to sleep at reasonable times even when I say goodnight and if it weren't for the fact I'm tired 24/7 with no real energy I would NOT be sleeping in for even an hour. ((which happens anyway sometimes))
— I dislike irl interactions (unless I trust u a bunch) and I honestly try to avoid it as much as I can.
— I'm only /open/ to close friends(who I will see as family), my partner, or my cousin and I'd let them enter my space with no consequences
— I forget when I should eat and just avoid it whenever I can/want to because of personal reasons.
— Sometimes I forget to care for my hygiene ((dw I shower everyday when I have the will to stand))
— I put myself down faster than you can blink or I keep calling people names ((none offensive, think like... idk, tree or smth.)) to hype myself up
— I really.. and I mean really.. have a lot of family oriented trauma and if I could I would genuinely make a robotic family of how my family was before to me.
— that's not it but it gets more personal as I go on so erm
— #1
2. Malleus Draconia
❝ You aren't afraid of me. But I'm starting to become afraid...of losing you. ❜❜
— Now. Hear me out. #2
— For some reason, when I would ask my friends of what they first thought of me it was always "I was intimidated" or something of the sort and I would genuinely get so confused while looking like this.
— I don't get invited much to anything or get asked if I wanna join something a lot but theres this one person who makes sure to ask me if I wanna play games or watch videos together a lot like Malleus and Yuu ((PLATONIC YUU FOR ME DAWG. I SEE HER AS MY MOTHER.))
— I get isolated a lot in my family and if I wanna be around people I gotta do it myself (which is hard) and sit there but still be overlooked
— I'm not as in touch with my emotions as I make myself out to be, I'm very much out of them and I'm only really acting as to how I think people would want me to
— I don't understand human customs hel. Like I genuinely get so confused and be in awe when I see things others see like everyday
— I have big issues with abandonment and death when it comes to close friends (I'm talking like 4 year friendship and stuff.) or family I've grown attached to (my cousin), I'd genuinely do anything if it meant they'd stay with me ((vague spoilers lol!?))
— I take what my friends say very seriously if they aren't indicating that they're joking no matter what I sound like. That being said I make jokes unintentionally sometimes when im not even meaning to be funny
3. Riddle Rosehearts
❝ How was that? Do you understand the full extent of my capabilites now? ❜❜
— You don't have to hear me out on this one I'm a little shocked too.
— When I was younger I used to be wayyy too bossy and rude and if anyone even apposed me I would get angry and metaphorical go "off with your head"
— The only reason I woupd be so bossy and rude was because of my family and how they'd bend to my every will and encourage my behavior to others because i was a "golden child"
— especially my mom. She would see my bossy self and go "thats my mini me", looks and her personality
— As I grew older that bossy nature lessened of course but there are times i get angry when others dont have the same thought process like me and don't do something correctly in my eyes
— The only reason I don't let that bossy nature slip by is because of the fact I became my own ace and punched and told myself that I'm not the addition of my mother and I'm not the queen of the world
— of course I'll still follow rules but if they're like... unnecessary I'm not following them at all. Especially if its smth like "u MUST tie ur shoes five times" suck my D-'EYE'-C-K fr. 🐈
— I still have anger issues but I try and not let it slip past either. There was a time I got so angry that I was shaking and I had to be held back from attacking someone ((metaphorical "off with your head"))
4. Rook Hunt
❝ Non... Speak not. At this point, I can hear your inner voice just by gazing into your eyes. ❜❜
— I'm not as shocked by this
— For the other three it's more personal but for rook its in all caps PERSONAL. I see beauty in literally all things even if it truly is the most ugliest thing in space
— I can watch people from afar without getting caught exactly but enough for someone to get restless if I want them to be
— There are times I find information of someone on accident and I will be going deep into it. Like deep into it and then I'll forget it because it's not anything needed at that moment
— People either feel safe talking to me or unsafe and I cannot explain why bc even I dont know.
— I would wear outdoor boots for/with everything if I could and ik it would make people scream in horror.
— talking about horror i would watch detailed horror movies just to say how beautiful it can be and the symbolisms.. etc.
— I can also read characters kinda well??!?! and write them sorta well???!?? idk how to explain it but give me enough time with watching a character and I'll tell you exactly why I think they act the way they do or think the way they do or feel the way they do or how they would react to xyz, etc.
— even when I or my friends dont like someone I don't just base my reaction on that ((like I'm not a fan of neige or vil but if you told me to choose between the two I could not. both of their characters are good and if you wish I can even try to explain how.))
— I had a phase where I would speak in one language for a while ((spanish)) but i forgot what I used to say however half the time it was always me sayinf "i love you" to others i loved
— I called someone my butterfly once i think???? Cant remember who
5. Azul Ashengrotto
❝ What do you think? I have remarkable potential, don't I? ❜❜
— IF YOU KNEW ME IRL SINCE BASICALLY BIRTH YOU'D UNDERSTAND.
— I used to get bullied for a lot of things, my weight, my hair, my skin, my clothes, how i act, my glasses, my grades, how my moods would change drastically, my gender, etc
— So even when I was younger than I am now, I would see if others needed me to do something so I could gain favors or just get blackmail to raise over their heads for them to do smth for ME
— I was a people pleaser and a people eater no in-between.
— Unlike azul I didn't have a floyd or jade with me and it was just me myself and I
— LIKE azul I got a lot of people indebted to me lol.
— I would change myself and how I acted with people irl and on the internet to get literally every favor i could. I would know everything abt someone and they would feel like they HAD to help me with smth bc of that or bc i would show my more pathetic side
— I got so insecure of myself that I would try to take down any pictures i had of myself so that I could be "free" of the embarrassment.
— my family wouldn't help
— unlike azul I would do a lot of things to ensure i was skinny and cute and nice to others perspectives that I'd starve myself... so um.... yeahh.......
#🪐.exe#twisted wonderland#twst idia#twst malleus#twst riddle#twst rook#twst azul#disney twst#twst#idia shroud#malleus draconia#riddle rosehearts#rook hunt#azul ashengrotto
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volume 13 oh fuck oh shit oh fuck lets go
chap 1:
-that panel with vash yelling and shooting at the sky its just...hes so done man, hes so tired
-legato dont
-fucking hell what did i just say
-damn, kinda feel bad for legato. cant he really have something knives? really?
-im sorry, like what legato is saying is really interesting but...is he mopping the floor with vash while thinking of his journey?
-"it would be shameful to not risk your life" PROJECTING MUCH???
-omg the 1st time i saw that one panel where hes white i fucking gasped so hard. i thought my baby was dead CUZ LOOK AT HIM
-like yo nightow that shit gives me nightmares to this day
-STOP LEGATO STOP ITTTT, NOT THE FLASHBACK
-the fact that legato ISNT WRONG about vash just ruins my fucking day. my week. my life
-OH THANK GOD I FINALLY GET TO FUCKING UNDERSTAND THAT THING
-yknow ik we have said legato has never been his own person but in this moment (when he explains to vash the box) hes taking a decision for himself for once. he didnt have to give vash that advantage but he wants to prove his loyalty to knives, even when knives clearly said "i could not give less if a fuck." messed up choice, but his choice nonetheless
-im just gonna point out that vash doesnt think of wolfwood when he thinks of the gun ho guns and move on :)
chap 2:
-nightow honey IDK WHOS SAYING THAT
-oh ok thanks
-RIGHT IN THE FACE VASH CMON >:0
-oh honey
-legato is being a dick but putting the gun in your mouth? metal
-idk whats happening rn
-VASH NO HES GETTING HIS russian doll?
-oh DAMN ITS LIVIO TIMEEEEEE
-ok im gonna be honest...i dont remember if livio gets out of this one so when elendira says hell end up crucified....hmmm...pls no
-shes so sarcastic lmao
-also i kinda like livio having a lil bit of pride on his abilities, maybe cuz hes not like elendira being like "im powerful as fuck and you cant stop me."
-LIVIOOOOOOOOOOOOOO :D
-OH SHIT OH FUCK LETS GO THEYRE ABOUT TO LAND
chap 3:
-oh shit no warning? damn that IS gonna be rough
-legato dont-
-ah fuck, i cant believe youve done this
-yeah be paranoid bitch >:3
-"which one of us is best" personally i think vash but thats my bad, im a vash girlie <3
-oh legato...i sadly would say no. youre human therefore you cant live, according to him...anyway...
-LIVIO TIMEEEEEEE :D
-"omg elendira youre so rude >:[" "BITCH WE'RE IN A FIGHT TO THE DEATH" xd
-"it just lifts my spirits ya see" :cccc livioooooooooo
-its not like i hated him before but im definitely enjoying his character way more now
chap 4:
-lets fucking go livio
-oh right.....oh no
-me: nightow what exactly is elendira-
nightow: shhh dont worry about it
-oh...oh thats hot actually
-legato pls leave my man aloneeeeeeeee
-omg theyre hereeeeeeeeeeeee
-"hes a very special person" he sure is <3
-something about vash hiding in the fog...hmmm idk it makes me sad
-oh, there he is
-fuck team humanity is getting their asses kicked
-LIVIO NO
-and...there he comes
-ah shittttttttt
chap 5:
-oh damn
-well damn there he goes
-razlo gets it >:3
-oh damn those eyes
-oh shit oh fuck oh shit (shes right tho)
-me: ok nightow now i really want to know what elendira is-
nightow with a gun: i said dont worry about it :)
-oh yes queen you fucking go ily sm
-oh shit oh ok so he still has his head, right
-damn you could say thats was the...final nail...to the coffin....*ba dum tsss*
chap 6:
-good to see razlo experiencing the human emotion called fear, get humbled
-interesting that skill ISNT enough. like razlo was cocky cuz yeah hes powerful af not because he had won many fights before. so if skill isnt enough then what is
-NOT THE WOLFWOOD FLASHBACK
-YESSSS
-something something my man refuses to be crucified, something something the power of change
-OH HES BACK HI :3
-oh i love these kinds of combos sm (im not saying i think thats how happens irl, im just saying i enjoy it in fiction)
-LETS GOOOOOOOOOOO
-aw :c
-YEAHHHHHH LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOO >:D
-OOF OK THAT WAS GOOD SHIT
-you say that but youre bleeding queen
-razlo i kinda hate you cuz you killed him but no you cant leave now
-oh shit oh fuck no
chap 7:
-:c
-razlo and his methods were fucked, yes but its true that in the end it was to defend livio. in a world like that only razlo had his back
-..... :c
-geesus nightow, like thats junji ito kind of shit (imo)
-did it?????
-geesus christ thats a weapon
-.....im not really sure what just happened
-so is livio dead????
-NOPE HES HERE LETS GO YO
-oh shit i didnt...notice that....
-"and to him" STOP IT STOP IT
-wait-
-my queen no :c rip :c you were gorgeous
chap 8:
-NO GIRLY NOOOOOOOO :C
-oh god livio
-oh shit he knowssss
-bro pls leave my man alone, hes so tired
-pls dont mention his powers can act as a shield cuz that reminds me of the last time he did that :c
-omg its livio the teenager
-hes ok its fine
-"psst...pssst....can you stfu" XDDD
-GEESUS BRO OK. YOU WANT TO GET CUT IN HALF THAT BADLY HUH
-the chaos :c the destruction :c the russian doll :c
-LEGATO NO
-HOW
-ALSO I THINK HERE IS WHEN VASH'S COAT TURNS BLACK SOMEHOW RIGHT????? i was never sure
-stop iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit
chap 9:
-damn legato, dont look cool while youre trying to kill my son
-legato stoooooooooooop
-STOP IT VASH NO PLS, ALSO THE WAY NIGHTOW DREW THAT FLASHBACK???? LEAVE ME ALONE OLD MAN???
-funny enough until this point legato hasnt said anything about "breaking his spirit" so vash is just really feeling the choice coming at him, quickly, maybe too quickly
-wait whats happening?
-oh...oh :c (ALSO ORANGE IF YOU INCLUDE THAT IM GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU. LIKE IT WOULD MAKE SENSE CUZ VASH GOES AROUND HEALING PLANTS BUT STILL. SHUT UP ORANGE)
-"he might be the key for communication" yeah...wouldnt that be nice
-"and you knives, i will never forgive you" get in line
-you just cant ask "what kind of person vash is" cuz you either get a 5 hour lecture or 2 hours of ugly crying
-"i believe in how he chose to live his life" while vash is in the same shape as wet paper
trimax meryl "i believe in how he chose to live his life"
🤝 98 wolfwood "i see, so thats how you live. thats how you choose to live"
the sadddest and maybe kinda stupid decision ever, but in the end imagine being able to choose that after so much trauma. imagine not giving yourself to hate and fear
-oh shit :0 he shot the little box
-go go go GO GO GO
-AH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT
NEXT ONE IS THE LAST ONE HOLY CRAP
#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#im gonna miss the bookclub#i will be busy so idk when i will be able to participate again#trigun#trimax#trigun maximum#trigunbookclub
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My gastroparesis driving me up a wall. And by that i mean ive been barely eating for over a week now and my symptoms still arent improving and im really not havin a great time im exhausted my bodys in pain trying to get me to Rest but i gotta work full time and my abdomen absolutely hurts but painkillers slow digestion even More so ive been laying down on heatpad as much as possible and i really dont wanna go back to an All Liquid diet (but even if i did im at the nausea and vomiting point of a gastroparesis flare which means even liquid only im likely to throw up either way) and like. I just wanna comfort eat bread cause i feel miserable exhausted in pain and it would be a small joy. But bread is absolutely not something i can eat during a flare. I can only eat it when doing good if i take benedryl. Im so angry and tired and id like to sleep for days. And i gotta still Make myself eat chips and protein shakes even tho i got nausea cause my gi meds dont work unless i eat Something. Even if i got nausea and tons of pain wooh
Anyway im getting flack from family for being so tired the last week and i love em and all but its awful feeling guilty for not calling Enough when its like goddamn eating (something humans gotta do at least once a day) hurts phenomenally and i barely can but i obviously desire to like any human then i eat and Ouch my body didnt fucking like that and punished me for it and im so mad. I feel awful and yeah im mad i dont got energy to hide how much pain im in and chat false enthusiastically for 20 minutes after already doing it all thru work. I had 1 teaspoon of peanut butter today and my remaining options are soup broth (but it had beans cooked in it and my body cant take fiber today so idk if its worth the risk of any accidental beans) and salad (which is of course raw vegetables fiber very hard on stomach rn so i can probably just eat a handful size portion and hopefully ill chew enough its mush and my body will tolerate it). And a protein shake (but its got fiber and is made of chickpeas i think for the protein so idk if my body is tolerating it or not im just drinking it so i dont have no calories). I had chips yesterday but i think my body considered it too solid or large to digest idk cause im eveb worse today. I also had toast yesterday cause i was so angry and hungry and wanted comfort food. So of course that messed me up. Which means i should take more benedryl. But then i wont just be hungry and pain tired, ill also be drug tired. And im so sick of being miserablr all day at work just to pass out the second its over cause allergy meds knocked me out then ive lost all day. But without allergy meds i can eat hardly anything i like. I mean i cant eat rn but like. Right before this fuckjng flare and hopefully once its over. Im just sick of it. Im tired and when i go to therapy next week shell probs ask oh what do you do to stress relief and its like... i get it but are u fucking kidding me. Im knocked unconcious from benedryl. And tired anyway cayse no food, and pain nonstop from gi tract. So im barely doing anything. I cant really get outta bed cause i need the 4 sq feet heatpad or ill be in agony over my abdomen. Dont have tv in room so i can use phone i guess. So tired i can barely keep eyes open or think so im not writing reading or watching shows on phone. I can idk listen to a reaction or lets play since if i fall asleep and wake up i dont need to follow a plot. But like im not in a state to be going for a fucking walk (i wish! I wanna dance and walk but my abdomen and back feel awful and im so tired im dizzy when i stand) or hang out w friend, which im sure idk shed prefer to hear some productive ass activity like god im just trying to keep myself employed and out of the ER until the flare rights itself. Please
And i know jts not that bad. Ive been worse. I couldnt eat solid food for 6 months once. I was in the ER weekly it was so bad i blocked most of it outta memory. This is only a couple weeks. And i havent thrown up much! I was throwing up 5 times daily back then. And i have had chips and peanut butter! I recognizr thats nice, i got some solid food and held it down! I know my gastroparesis is EONS LESS severe than it was when it started.
Its just like. It still sucks barely eating for weeks and any eating hurting immensely and nonstop nausea for days and pain not lowering. Like a normal healthy person might snap from anger if they try to go 20 hours without eating, or crash and need to eat to keep going, or just be run down as fuck and justifiable if they barely do anything that day. But i go days like that and im expected to just appear fine and live life normally like im not worn down af and just desperate to not feel nausea and pain and i just really wanna eat again. Normally.
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we can't fix each other but we sure as hell can enable each other instead || eleven: i'm bad at mariokart but at least shigaraki is worse
pairing: dabi x disabled!gn!reader
overview: you meet dabi pre-canon because your cat, nugget, literally won’t leave the guy alone. friendship, fluff and (eventual) angst ensue.
chapter summary: you and shigaraki play some mariokart, then you guys fuck up overhaul bc he's a piece of shit and i hate him
content: angst and fluff
warnings: you scratch at your throat as an anxious habit (picked up from shig)
word count: 1749
a/n: shamelessly self-promoting MORE art i did of my self-insert but there's nugget and boo this time (i have no clue how to draw animals). also, idk how this reads bc basing things off of the actual episodes is real fuckin hard so if anyone has any feedback i'm happy to hear! also² i projected the fact i'm really bad at mariokart into this. bc uhhhhhh. im really bad at mariokart LMAOOO
*previously known as “we can’t fix each other (but we can heal our wounds together)”; i changed the title bc these assholes aint healin shit they’re just being overall menaces
taglist: @iincandescenttt
AO3 link
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“You think they’re okay?” You itched the front of your throat anxiously. “It’s been days and we haven’t heard from them.”
“Stop that,” Shigaraki snapped and paused the round of MarioKart, eyeing the blood welling up under your skin. “You always get on my ass about it, you don’t get to do it either.”
“Picked it up from you, dick,” you grumbled under your breath, but dropped your hand anyways. “But do you? Think they’re okay?”
“Whatever. They’re fine. Overhaul has probably limited their communication since we’re technically wanted criminals. Can we get back to the game now?” He huffed, scowling.
“I thought you didn’t like MarioKart and were only playing because I wanted to. I’d think you would be happy to take a break.” You shrugged.
“We’re not only playing it because you wanted to—” Shigaraki narrowed his eyes when you grinned at his arguing. “—and anyways, it’s better than listening to you yap about. I think Dabi’s even gotten tired of listening to your anxious rambling, which is probably why he hasn’t been putting up a fuss over us playing games.”
“Actually, I think that’s because I threatened to chop his dick off,” you snickered.
“You… threatened to chop his dick off,” Shigaraki deadpanned. “Why on earth did you do that.”
“I called you by Tomura in front of him and he got all pissy. I explained you’re my best friend and gave me permission to call you Tomura, and told him no dick measuring contests—otherwise he’d find he has no dick to measure.”
“And I thought you were less insane than the rest of them, but it’s pretty fucking crazy to threaten a man’s dick. Especially Dabi’s. ”
You barked out a laugh. “Insane or not, pretty boy wouldn’t actually do anything to hurt me. One time he accidentally burnt me and apologised for days afterwards. And he never apologises.”
“Tch.” He shook his head. “If you’re not gonna play, go bother someone else. I’m getting tired of MarioKart anyways.”
“Yeah, yeah, grumpypants.” You grabbed your cane and heaved yourself off the floor, sticking your tongue out at him. You made your way down the hall and into your room, waving to Dabi.
He looked up from his spot on the bed as you walked in, raising his eyebrows. “He kick you out?”
“Ehh, pretty much.” You stopped to scratch Boo behind the ears and give Nugget a quick pet, then plopped down next to him with a groan. “That, and I think his pride can only take so many beatings. Apparently, he’s absolute dogshit at MarioKart. Fighting games and MMOs are more his style.”
He snorted, “Why doesn’t that surprise me. He seems like the type of person to enjoy murdery games over anything else.”
“Oh, definitely.” You grinned. “I think it’s worth noting I’m awful at MarioKart. So the fact I was winning means he was really awful. ”
“I know, doll. I beat you twenty times before you gave up.”
“Don’t remind me of that!” You whined, throwing your hands into the air. “I’ve never had my ass kicked so terribly.”
“You forget I played a lot of games with Natsu. I got real damn good at shit like that.” Dabi shrugged, mischief in his eyes.
“Still sucked.” You pouted, crossing your arms. “You could’ve gone easy on me after the first ten times! You didn’t have to keep kicking my ass!”
“Ya think I’d go easy on you, doll? We both know I’ve never been the one to go easy.” A smirk pulled at his staples. “Especially on you.”
“Oh, shut it,” you grumbled, swatting at him. “You’re so annoying.”
“And yet you still put up with me.”
“I literally couldn’t get rid of you if I tried. Not that I want to, anyways. You’re stuck with me just as much as I’m stuck with you, pretty boy.” You looked away from him when Shigaraki poked his head through the door. “What’s up, Shig?”
“Toga called. Time to go.”
You grinned, a gleam in your eyes. “Oh hell yeah.”
“Spinner, you are horrible at driving!” You yelped, hanging onto Compress’s free arm for dear life as Dabi pushed the truck doors open.
“In shogi, the point is to get the king, right?” Shigaraki spoke from atop the truck, his fingers interlocked.
“How the fuck have you not fallen off, dude?!” Your voice was sharp with anxiety.
“It’s not that simple,” Dabi drawled in response as he looked up at your leader.
“Yeah, they’re here, just like you said! To get from the Hassaikai to the nearest villain hospital, it’s fastest to use this highway. Thanks for letting us know! Toga, you’re so efficient. I’m much obliged,” Compress hummed gratefully.
“Good job Toga! Put her on speaker, Compress!” You leaned close to Compress’s phone, speaking loudly. He snorted and gently pushed you away, but put Toga on speaker nonetheless.
“Jin-kun’s the one who told me to call—”
“—fight!”
“—I was too busy watching Izuku!”
“Run away!”
“In fact, I’m sorry to make you get your hands dirty.”
“I only have one hand, though,” Compress mused playfully. Toga’s laugh chimed through the phone.
“We couldn’t get the girl who’s the crux of their plan, but we think the finished products are where you are. We watched the police’s movements for a while, so there’s a high probability. Even if they aren’t there…”
“—kill them—”
“...we want to say hi, right?”
Compress hummed as Toga hung up. “Sounds like Twice is having a rough go of it.”
“Yeah... they did good, though. I’m proud of both of them,” you said with a smile.
“Hey, lizard! Stop weaving!” Dabi snapped over his shoulder. “I get motion sick!”
“Don’t call me “lizard”! I’m Spinner!”
“What are you getting mad for? Shut up!” Dabi huffed, then gave you a look as you giggled. “Stop your laughing. It’s not funny.”
“You get motion sick?” You grinned at him, ignoring the glare you got in response.
“Is attacking the police really following the will of Stain, who wanted a true hero society? I’m not sure about that!”
“It’s a necessary sacrifice, Spinner. I’m counting on you to drive,” Shigaraki sighed, moving into a crouching position.
“And don’t fling us out of the back, please!” You added. “I don’t want to die just yet!”
Dabi rolled his eyes, then ignited his palm. “Now…” He grinned, and sent out a tunnel of flames. His grin faded when something stopped the fire from hitting the police cars. “What’s with him?”
“A hero! Of course there’d be one. Ugh!” Shigaraki’s voice was almost a whine. You had to suppress a teasing remark at that. “Spinner, slow down!” As the truck slowed enough to get closer to the police car, Shigaraki jumped down—then was hit in the face with a bunch of sand. The hero began to ramble on about Shigaraki's decay.
“He’s famous, huh?” Dabi sighed, putting his hands in his pockets. You patted him on the shoulder.
“Don’t worry, pretty boy. You’re just as scary as him.”
“Shigaraki is the misdirection; in other words, the decoy. Let’s go.” Compress flicked out a marble, which decompressed into a large piece of rubble. “Police car gently levitating! No trickery or devices involved.”
You snickered, then clambered onto Dabi’s back before he and Compress jumped out of the back of the truck. You hopped off and watched Dabi approach the hero that had pulled the policeman out of the transport vehicle Shigaraki caused to crash. He ignited his forearms as he loomed over the hero, a menacing smile on his face.
“That’s right. Heroes end up prioritising lives.”
“Recently, burnt corpses have been turning up one after another in various places.” The hero lowered the policeman onto the ground.
“Oh, are people talking about me? That makes me happy,” Dabi said, voice mocking.
“Told you, pretty boy! Just as scary!” You called. Compress nudged you, shaking his head in amusement. Your playfulness turned into a scowl when you heard what the hero said next, your grip on your cane tightening.
“Have you ever thought about the feelings of those they left behind?!”
You have no idea, hero. You have no idea.
While Compress and Dabi dealt with the hero, you walked over to Shigaraki, who was standing by Overhaul’s gurney. He nodded in acknowledgement, then turned his attention back to the former yakuza.
“Who’s going to be the next leader again?” Shigaraki tilted his head, hands in his pockets.
“Did you come to kill me?” Overhaul ignored his question. His voice was resigned, devoid of emotion.
“No. I thought of what you’d hate the most. I hate you.” Shigaraki took Father off his face as Compress approached. “You’re too full of yourself.”
“Me too.” Compress removed his mask, smirking. He used a marble to take one of Overhaul’s arms.
“Oh, nice.” You grinned, nudging Compress. “I didn’t think of that.”
“There are two boxes here. Which is the finished product?” Shigaraki opened the box as he spoke. “Oh, well.”
Overhaul’s eyes widened in panic as his face twisted up in a sour expression. “Give it back.”
“You know what, Overhaul? A person who erases people’s Quirks shouldn’t depend on their own Quirk, right?” Shigaraki leaned down and gripped Overhaul’s remaining arm. You watched as the Decay began to spread upwards, your eyes lighting up in twisted satisfaction. “If I don’t cut it off, your whole body will turn to dust.” Shigaraki lifted up a knife, then paused and turned to you, raising his eyebrows in an unspoken question.
Your grin grew wider, and you took the knife. “Don’t mind if I do.” You swung the knife down, severing his forearm from his elbow.
“All right, now you’re a powerless, helpless, Quirkless man,” Shigaraki leered, a manic look on his face. “And the fruits of all that effort you spent are now mine! Now you won’t even have a finger to put in your mouth as you look on enviously at the rest of us! Let’s do our best!”
You giggled as hives spread across Overhaul’s skin, “What a pity! You shouldn’t have killed our friend and taken Compress’s arm.”
Spinner honked the horn of the truck. “Pursuers are coming! Hurry up and get in!” He shouted out the window.
Shigaraki straightened, placed Father back onto his face, and walked back to Spinner. “Next, it’s our turn.”
You trailed after him with a pleased hum. “Revenge feels nice.” Your joy and satisfaction grew exponentially as Overhaul screamed behind you. “It feels real fuckin’ nice.”
#dabi x reader#dabi x you#todoroki touya x reader#todoroki touya x you#touya todoroki x reader#touya todoroki x you#todoroki toya x reader#todoroki toya x you#toya todoroki x reader#toya todoroki x you#my writing#bnha fanfiction#navi: we cant fix each other#writing.txt
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.
okay i am now more prepared to mention what has happened but im doing it because i need to complain about something. anywa
so yesterday i got a phone call that my dad was in the hospital with a brain bleed and needed emergency brain surgery. naturally, i was scared to death (still) and rushed back home to go be with him and my family. he’s had his operation and now he’s in recovery, but things still feel incredibly surreal and scary and im not rly sure how to handle it. even now im like... idk whatever. anyway
my housemates emailed my professors on my behalf yesterday to tell them i’d be going home and wouldn’t be in class (because i was physically incapable of doing anything yesterday), but they were brief bc they really don’t need to know my business.
now that my dad’s in recovery though, the adrenaline is starting to subside and im exhausted and like... weirdly scared idk whatever. anyway... i now have to email all of my professors and explain to them that i need extensions and wont be in class on monday either and i know school is my responsibility bc higher education and all... but it is so humiliating to have to ask for an extension on an exam and say that i can provide proof of the fact that i thought i was gonna lose my dad this weekend. like i was travelling all day yesterday and in the ICU with my dad all day today and i feel like i am incapable of doing anything else.
and like... the fact that i will probably have to beg to not have my grades take a hit for this is fucking infuriating and humiliating because there is nothing i can do. even right now there is nothing i can do. i can’t focus. i can’t study. i can’t help my dad. like i have to choose between my academics and being with my dad and family during one of the hardest and scariest experiences in our lives. like the fact that im going to have to go in on tuesday and wednesday and be like “pleaaasee professors, don’t knock my grade down because i had to go home bc i thought my dad was gonna die, pleaaassee” is making me so upset and anxious. and it’s embarrassing to have to email the professors who specifically ask NOT to be told anything personal because like “family emergency” and “dad having emergency brain surgery” are not on the same level to me, but i have to do it that way anyway... idk i get why they do it but at the same time like what is okay to say and not okay so that the gravity of the situation can be understood... (i said ‘incredibly emergent situation regarding my immediate family).
i also feel so GUILTY about missing classes. i feel so GUILTY about it but i need to be here because i would rather be overreacting and have everything turn out okay than under react and regret it later. and i KNOW that it’s a valid reason and excuse... i KNOW that... but like im so wired to believe that it’s work/school < everything else.. that i feel so guilty and that ive somehow made this whole thing up as an excuse to slack off (even though i KNOW how emergent the situation is). whatever im just stressed and sad idk.
whatever it’s just been a really awful past few days and im so tired and have only just now had a moment to sit with the feeling of my academics continuing on even while my family is dealing with this. whatever im just weird right now.
#tw: medical issues#this is a vent btw#also my dad is okay and in recovery now... but i really thought i was gonna lose him yesterday#and it's still scary bc he's got idk i just#i am experiencing emotions ive never had to experience and dealing with school bureaucracy while i do#is exhausting and weirdly humiliating whatever#tw: health issues#i may delete this later idk#delete later
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gotta be honest it’s 8am and i haven’t slept and maybe i’m overreacting but i am so tired of having to get upset over this blog because i really do adore this blog
like i understand my posts are all silly and ooc and just for funsies without any deep meaning but it still feels really fucking bad when people steal them almost word for word without any sort of credit. like the LEAST you could do is repurpose them for a different show or set of characters! i usually can handle that even when it’s not sourced but literally just presenting my posts almost exactly as i posted them with the same fandom and characters just really makes me feel like shit. i understand it’s the internet and it happens and i don’t want to start any drama or directly call anyone out but seriously this blog is legitimately one of the very few things in my life that i don’t have to worry about making me unhappy
—but now it just is making me unhappy because, as much as it pains me to admit (sarcasm), i DO put a lot of thought and effort into my posts. there’s a reason i don’t post very often - half because honestly i’m busy and don’t get to be online 24/7 and ALSO because even though my posts are short i still take time to come up with them, format them, and adjust the wording which somehow makes it feel EXTRA shitty when you copy my post and then “fix” the wording to be better. like i KNOW a lot of my posts are silly and don’t get that many notes but i’m not putting effort in for clout or whatever i’m doing it because i genuinely enjoy it and love doing it so watching other people literally post my stuff for the exact opposite purpose feels really gross and just makes me want to go back and delete everything.
idk i might just be tired and overreacting this just isn’t even the first time i’ve seen this happen and this one was especially blatant about it being their ~original idea~ that it just kind of hurt WAY more than it should and i just feel awful now im sorry if you had to read all this i am just Tired.
#rant#not anime#i dont know#i feel like im overreacting#i just cannot stress enough that this blog is one of my only relaxing places that legitimately makes me happy#so idk it’s just making me feel WAY worse than it probably should#and i REALLY need to sleep#im upset right now so i might change my mind about it but i might not post any original things for a bit#i dont know im sorry if this seems really extra#there’s just already so much going on and this just broke the camels back ig#and it just sucks EXTRA because every time it happens i get anxious people won’t check time stamps and will get mad at ME for copying instea#ughhhhh#i always get half tempted to delete my original posts when it happens just in case which just makes me feel worse#im sorry you had to read all this if you did i am just really sad about the situation
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tl;dr my uni house sucks absolute fucking ass and its been building but one things happened today and it has. tipped me over the edge. so its either write it out or scream
i just want. one fucking week in this house where noone does anything that makes me want to beat the shit out of them
we had a couple silverfish earlier this week so i put my houseplants on a window sill in the shared hall outside my room because of the damp. this was 4 days ago and i havent watered them since so they should be bone dry.
last night i went to bed first but the other people who live here decided to stay up and get drunk
i got my plants back in today because there havent been anymore silverfish and went to water and prune them but when i leant in closer to the first one i noticed two things.
1. the soil was soaked through and messy
2. it fucking stank of piss
so yknow i dont want to jump to conclusions but what other fucking conclusions are there here. someone in this god fucking awful house thought it would be funny to take one of my plants and piss in it for fucking what??? for the laughs???
theyve poured wine on my dishes, they broke my kitchen scales, theyve screamed and tried to break and kick in my door at 4 in the morning when high on ket, theyve made fun of me to my face, theyve made fun of my hobbies, they make snide comments where i can tell i’m being made fun of but i cant work out what i’ve said wrong, theyve slammed doors at every hour of the fucking night for weeks, they scream up and down the stairs at 3am, they call me boring, they call me stupid and autistic and unfunny and bitchy and nit-picky and overly sensitive and i am so fucking SICK of trying to live here
every day i am masking so hard that i’m even more irritable and i go to bed exhausted and full of anxiety because i know!! i know everytime i leave a room they all look at each other like oh thank god ollie’s gone we can finally be offensive and i’m not sleeping properly, and i’m always on edge in my own home. i cant relax here ever
and idk. someone else might take this less seriously and brush it off. but i cant and i’m tired of trying to explain to them that maybe its funny to prank each other but when you fuck with my stuff it’s not funny, it completely derails my expectations of things and especially with adhd my reactions to things can be out of proportion. so its not funny at all. im just so angry that im shaking and i want to beat the shit out of someone. so no, i dont take well to it, and im not gonna laugh and deal with it, im gonna cry, and react like a kid. and then noone is having any fun because everyone acts like its so awkward that im upset when really they could just be normal fucking decent people and leave me the hell alone.
and now i have to try and deal with this and i have no fucking clue how im even meant to approach it. “hi guys, just wondering who pissed in my beloved trailing ivy? it was £25 so would love some financial compensation and also for you to hold still so i can break your fucking nose!”
i dont even know if i should just leave it because its just not worth it. i dont even care if im a pushover at this point i am so. tired. of trying to make them respect me as a person. thats what it feels like, it feels like they dont even see me as a person they just see me as a fucking circus freak.
the plants still in my room. i dont even know what to do with that. i dont want to touch it because just touching the pot made my hands smell. so just everytime i look up i get upset and scared and angry all over again because its right there. and im 90% sure i know who did it but if i confront him about it he’ll do that thing where people go cmon its just a joke why are you being so sensitive? jeez, lighten up its not a big deal and ill look stupid and sensitive and different like i always do
ive got 4 more months of living here and then i am fucking gone and i am never speaking to these people again.
#you know its bad if its getting me to re-consider moving back in with my parents#this is. a kinda long and very angry rant but honestly im shaking right now so its warranted#local old man#vent post
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random little (very long) vent thing lamaoo
my birthday is soon and im like. IDK ive just been incredibly fucked up recently with like. anti trans legislation and general negativity, so ive been trying to keep away from twitter since thats where i see most of it
last year, my mother had me come get my cake with her and to my surprise it said "happy birthday dominic" and i couldve cried, like i was wearing my face mask cuz it helps my dysphoria but holy shit i was smiling so hard
she said dominic when she sang my bday song with my siblings and it made me really happy
she hasnt called me dominic since, and whatever im like. im not really over it but i will say and act like i am because it prevents me from dwelling on unnecessary pain yknow?
i guess recently she's had a change of heart, cuz she told my sibling that she wants to start calling me by dom and that she doesnt want me to hide who i am from her, and i know what she means definitely
ive been very like.. closed off? especially since her bf came back (he fucking sucks i hate him) i just havent spent time with her or anything unless hes gone cuz i definitely dont feel comfortable being myself around him
anyways this is pretty cool all things considered. i have told her before that i knew she wasnt gonna be part of my journey and ive accepted that, and usually i say shit and she just ignores it but maybe she actually heard that and listened
so, dominic is having his 4th bday soon and im happy about that, but like.. we're gonna go do mini golf for my bday which is a surprise! because i mean. if you know me, i dont really like to leave the house, like at all. i guess thats kinda how covid affected me? theres no reason to leave the house anymore so i guess i wont (and i guess it worked cuz i havent gotten it) but it was like. so horrible for my mental health
like i always said "oh, yeah, i dont mind being inside id prefer to not go outside anyways" and thats true but its like. doubled my social anxiety somehow. im normal in public until theres people around me or god forbid interacting with me 💀💀 the way i act when i have to buy my own shit is awful, i get sweaty and i stutter and i shake, i need to take a long breath after it fucking sucks it feels awful. JUST TO LIKE. PUT SOMETHING AT THE CASH REGISTER AND AHVE THEM ASK IF I WANT A REWARDS CARD OR WHATEVER THATS ITTT it sucks
so yeah im surprised i agreed to it, but its glow in the dark minigolf and one thing about me is i love minigolf and i love glow in the dark im gonna have a five nights at freddy moment (which means i gotta wear my shirt like i just gotta) and im sure itll be great fun (pleased about glow in the dark cuz im sure itll be. DARK in there and i dont have to worry so much about people seeing me)
my problem is that im hanging out with my aunt as well and i love my aunt!! everyone on my dads side except for my dad is amazing i love them, but i dont know how she would be yknow? idk if my mom has spilled the tea about it and told her or if theyre gonna just put my deadname on shit this year again like. i dont know
what if it did say dominic? how would my aunt react? its scary to think about, im so scared to LOSE more of my family
i havent even technically lost my moms side, its just that theyre a bunch of racist queerphobic losers and i know if they knew me, they wouldnt want me anymore
yeah im just stressed about it, all this shit is starting to pile up inside of me and i feel like ill explode and jsut say fuck everyone im ME and i dont give a fuck what you think, cuz no, i dont
my immediate family that i live with knows, my grandma knows, thats all that really matters. the only benefits to knowing my great grandparents is they give me money on my birthday, and that might sound hollow or whatever but its true, they fucking suck
just gettin tired of this sht yknow? even now, there is a hostile on the farm!! my moms bf is so homophobic, most likely transphobic too
hes SPECIFICALLY annoying, all the shit i order comes under dominic and hes brought me my things multiple times so he knows, but he'll still say shit like "thats how females are" or "hello girls" and to me its honestly like
its FUNNY because its like the only thing he knows about me is that to him, im a girl SKFJS like genuinely. i dont share anything with him because i fucking hate him, hes the absolute worst. the fact that theyre married and hes my stepdad technically is something i just deny, im never calling that man my dad lol
anyways im thinking about getting a hip binder? i realize thats one of the things im insecure about, is my fat is at my hip and even when i bind it gives me a feminine sort of shape so a hip binder would be great
i realize that i actually dont care so much if im plus size, i just care if my body looks feminine or not
i will absolutely be your fat guy friend with no hesitation okay like that shit? yes im so content for now like that is acceptable, but yknow fat distributes differently so its either baggy ass clothes orr stay inside SKJF
okay im done talking thanks for coming to my ted talk you are safe (for now)
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sooofuckging sleepy. called the sister though.hopefully im productive tmrw (little more so than today haha ) and feel better and schedule a hang out with friends i think socializing would be good for me. though all i want to do right now is cuddle up iin bed eat pita bread and watch videos. i think i should get some sun and see some people. mood is weird but we live through it and at least for me the cool thing about having really unpredictable episodes / mood swings is that u know u’ll always feel better at some point (pessimist or realist could argue that youd also feel worse later but well i dont think we have to see it like that always) . too exhasuted to do proper hygeine things which kind of sucks but i think its okay
my takeaway for today : overly simplify your pronouns when trying to coordinate someone writing you a bio so you dont get listed as having 3 different sets at once , and also know that u wont feel this awful forever. ive done some pretty impulsive things thinking that feeling would last for forever and yeah sometimes it lasts several months and stuff but it does eventually stop. u will be happy u carried on pinky promise.
anyway. idk. sometimes u experience things consistently and sometimes issues come back like one of my more recurring (as in it goes super dormant and then comes back up full force rinse and repeat) issues is in its prime rn and its made things difficult but. we get thru it
we find other consistencies. like idk i think enjoying sunlight is pretty consistent bc u know it comes back. enjoying stars too. nature is good to connect with because as a whole we don’t ever really lose it. people too though i mean my relatiosnhips historically havent been the best but having friends and stuff and just loving things, thats good too. even when love oscillates its the kind of inconsistency thats a little good for the soul . also i think love is like energy in which it gets conserved and you cant create or destroy it you just have this love u pass around . kinda
this is rambly but im exhausted and my leg is numb and im too tired to really take care of myself tn but thats ok bc ill take care of myself tmrw. someday ill look back at this and go damn i wish i knew how much better things would be
love u guys. GN
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.
might withdraw from this semester at the present... my parents friend told my parents there's this government job and she offered it to me or my sister and i happened to be there at that time and both my parents were saying i should take it / it's a good opportunity and that like i'd regret not going for it bc it's such a good job and its remote so i'd be able to stay home and not have to go out and downtown and how that's good since my health has kinda gotten bad recently..
and i was like... talking to my mom abt the job and . the thing idk.. its so frustrating to me bc 😓 i've been begging to drop out and saying how it makes me so soup of slide all to be in this major and how unhappy i am and that i don't even feel happy anymore at all and i can't handle this anymore and she kept telling me i was being dramatic and that i could finish it and i should finish it and she kept saying like "are you just never going to finish anything you start" like lol ok... and so all this time she's been so... against me leaving school but then ..?? 😞 the moment this job came up and i said "i'd probably have to leave school for at least a year to properly establish myself and etc etc..." and she was so up for it bc of the job.. like she was like.... so fine with it and it's just so funny like .
my mental health means nothing to them and my happiness fr means absolutely nothing . like my state of being . they just don't give a shit unless it makes them look bad / good idk... like ??? i get why they want me to take the job sure i want it too but... idk it just feels so unfair that now she's fine with me withdrawing from the semester / year simply bc . idk . it's a job . oh you work now so it's fine . it's not even smth i'd be good at lol and idk if they'll even want me for this stupid ass job man idk .!!! idk !!!! idc 😭 it's so frustrating... i just want to be taken seriously for my mental health and no one will and im just called lazy when i say no i literally am too anxious or i have adhd and i just fucking can't handle this much shit like ???? idk .
im just so miserable all the time and im so fucking unhappy in life . and nothing never . changes that.??? im always sad . im always tired . im always fucking fed up with life and people and i just don't fucking care abt anything ????? 😭 like im so fucking tired of living like this what's the fucking point in being alive when nothing matters to me ??? 😕 i literally get up every day for no fucking reason... why should i bother??? no one fucking takes me seriously and i have to beg to have anyone hear what i have to say..??? not to mention people just continue to .! make me feel like . im just . such a terrible awful person idk! whatever omg ... everything sucks and i wish i were dead blah blah blah . committing soup of slide
#li.txt#dl#neg#😞 i'm so tired of being alive idk#i'm so tired#i wrote a stupid essay bc i need to get this off my chest#my life fucking blows lol#i don't care abt anything or anyone and i just wish i were dead every day#wish i had a reason to live and yet .!#nothing matters man . i could just give up and that's life so be it#whatever idfc#i'm so sick of everything#parents suck#people suck#i'm so fucking tired...
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its night time you know what that means! this is my diary now. very long week recap ahead.
my teeth are cool and good kind of now. they're actually still pretty awful but my front are work in progress they look mostly fine now and im not so vigilant at hiding my mouth :) not without a week's worth of pain and agony recovery but. you knoow. i will have to go through that again at some point oh well thank god for ibuprofen except it wears off before i can take another one. my upper lip was incredinly inflamed for a few days, bad experience.
you know you never really think about hpw much you use your mouth or just like. feel your mouth generally experience the life experience of having a mouth until there's problems with it. crazy how that works. i for one would have a much better time not having a mouth it's rather disgusting. ideal form i simply absorb energy through airwaves, or perhaps plug myself in to charge
after that i had to enroll in courses i was like surely i will have a fine and okay time. <-full of hubris. i slept through the first hour of course enrollment because i went to sleep at 6am and it opened at 9. so im now on two waitlists which probably wont let up. going to take latin though, going to become more pretentious just you wait. i think this is what you would call a "dark academia moment" but i dont think i actually know what dark academia is. school hasn't started yet but im having the biggest fucking imposter syndrome everyone who has ever told me how smart i am is a fucking liar.
had a fun lil trivia club day with some trivia club buddies. believe it or not, we did trivia. exciting, i know. anyways scratch what i said before whenever i get the right answer in trivia club i am literally the smartest man alive. why do all my friends have absolutely ancient editions of trivial pursuit (the words of someone who doesn't own any board games)
and yesterday i hung out with my dear friend @threecirclingbuzzards!! she let me scavenge through her big bag of miscellaneous patches it was very fruitful. my vest is very empty because i have to make everything myself and i simply do not. so now i have more things to put on it, the real question is when im actually going to sew. it was also cool because we are like brain linked we are like that image of clown-to-clown communication dont need to speak coherently because like. i get it. she gets it. we get it. the clown part is especially true because we were like. what to teens do. hang out at the mall. genius. and then we got there and it was two minutes from closing. genius. at the dollar store i got minecraft stickers god i love minecraft i will be forty fucking years old and not tire of minecraft
over the course of my mouth recovery time i listened to youtube videos to try and distract myself when falling sleep and i listened to a video about the evil within 1. i dont need to give background information but i will anyways.. back in like whenever of this year early this year some time this year i was scrolling through the discussion page of the tumblr sexyman wiki and there was a suggestion post for stefano valentini and i was like. woah. ive seen that man before. ive watched my fair share of oxbox/oxtra vids in my lifetime. and then i proceeded to go crazy. something about him makes me go absolutely nuts like awooga etc. who fucking knows. anyways i was content to never know anything about the evil within beyond that stefano valentini is like absurdly attractive until i watched that video about the evil within 1 while mildly Out Of It and i developed a very sudden crush on ruvik so now i know some things about the evil within. how was your day. another fucked up evil guy who i am compelled by. i cant fix him i cant make him worse but i CAN look at him from afar. all ive been able to draw lately is just ruvik faces idk man he's my latest fixation i guess. got him on the mind (except for when i was catching up on the patho tag today. i love my weekly spam reblogging from the patho tag except this time it's two weeks worth of posts becuase by god i was having a bad time)
perhaps i should actually watch a lets play of tew so i can know like. what the game is like in full properly and shit. shhhhh you dont see my incomplete patho2 save. i would play more horror games if i werent a little bitch, but im not so instead i just play stupid long fantasy rpgs. the sole reason i havent finished pathfinder kingmaker is because of that stupid goddamn darven quest oh my god i hate that man i hate that quest i need to speedrun it get it over with so i can enjoy the rest of the game but i simply cannot take it when the FUCK is he going to show up how much fuckng time needs to pass where are you bitch i need to xget this out of the fucking way so the hellknights stop crashing my place fucking my shit up i hate it her.e.
i wrote all of this because i am insuch! a mood today. idk whats up last nigh t i passed out instantly fell asleep died went to purgatory the moment i laid down on my bed like in an instant ive never been so sleepy in my life. and today i am incredibly humid but more than that the time actually melted away. like pretend time is a stick of butter in my hands except i preheated my hands in the oven for several minutes and the butter didnt even bother to melt so the preheating didnt matter it just slipped off my stupid little fingers. i woke up blinked now its night time. now nearly twelve hours have passed what the fuCK was i doing. nothing. i have no idea how this time passed i feel out of it (different) a different kind of out of it who knows maybe this is my natural tooth recovery time but instead for going outside two days in a row and having fun. this is my body and mind telling me to have less fun. wlel fuck you body and mind im hanging out with friends AGAIN tomorrow. see how you like that fucker. or maybe im just a little baby and its because i forgot to sleep with my stuffed animals last night. i have a build-a-bear longhorn i love him with my life i named him after my wife (artemy) he keeps me company because all i do is sit and rot.
also we havent read new pages of this dark endeavour in like11 days oops. the review WILL happen eventually okay i have so much to say about that wretched novel just when the summer book club completes it
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trigun bookclub time :D volume 2 thoughts
chap 00.1
-vash's method of meditation is the only one that's valid in my eyes/j
-3 seconds of meditating vs 3 hours of training...huh...i wonder...why is that...and what...that says about him...
-hes bad at chess hes like me fr fr
-yey we love a day without casualties :D
chap 00.2
-the bit about us taking shelter on technology but still not knowing what the future holds...yeah that feels timeless now huh
-vash don't go there! oh no he has earbuds he cant hear me (that would literally happen to me tho)
-i love that panel where no one says anything after the girl is like "yeah i can give you pocket money." nice representation of the irritation people feel towards that kind of people. they arent mad just really tired of that bs
-oh man thats actually pretty horrible (page 23)
-"and i think of nothing but love and peace" besides that we know your head is empty but we love you so its ok
-yeah vash show her the real world
-interesting that he makes her see the chance of her dad dying (he didnt know what was gonna happen) which makes sense cuz she cant run from the truth anymore but its also interesting cuz if we was able to not see it he would. he hates seeing people dying and yet he watches and makes others watch. i dont think its about "if i have to, you have to as well" but more about her seeing the consequences of violence (what her father did) and the cycle of hate so she doesnt repeat it. idk.
chap 1
-rem coming out of his coat....hm....
-weird man coming
-YEAH SEND HIM TO HELL >:D
-if rem is holding him back you say...hmmm...i will go back to that later
-well thats creepy
chap 2
-my boi is in jail nooooooooooooo
-you can feel the size of the ship with one panel nightow is ridiculously talented when creating big spaces, like the sandsteamer shot in the last volume
-..... :c
-my babygirl :c
-i like he started the flashback angry as hell and then it turned into sadness cuz even if he makes knives pay nothing will bring rem back
-also the literal ship crashing into his memories what if I [redacted]
-SEE LOOK AT THAT SHIT! SPACE FEELS MASSIVE AND ITS LITERALLY JUST THE PLANET AND THE SHIP
-aaaand hes angry as hell again cuz the memory finished with knives. interesting
-dont look at me with those kind eyes, we saw you
-YEY ITS DIABLO TIME :D go get em
chap 3
-aw cmon :c
-and there goes the arm
-hey >:[ dont call my girl milly an idiot
-ugh you can feel how fucking stressed out he is ahhhhhhhhh
-ah yes, we love seeing how right knives is...
-huh, i wonder if knives is smiling cuz before he was like "nah she was stupid like the rest" but since she got to correct the ships's trajectory he got a bit of respect for her in the end
-is monev vs vash supposed to be like david and goliath? hm
-my god thats fucking beautiful
-also i dont think thats a ghost but maybe like her presence? like vash is remembering her and her kindness
-AH I HATE THAT I HATE THAT. THE CHAPTER IS CALLED FRAGILE, ENDS UP WITH VASH CRYING AND THE "rem" IS SO LITTLE THAT IS ONLY MEANT FOR US AND VASH TO BE AWARE OF IT WHAT IF I CRIED A RIVER AHHHHHH
chap 4
-oh meryl...oh honey...sweetie...
-the scars appear :D yey :D
-meryl is kinda asking him "arent you tired of being nice dont you want to go apeshit" but not really and i like that
-yknow what meryl is right pls go away and live a quiet life pls, ik whats coming but just thinking about it....
-yee ik the reason why but still >:v
-oh....oh i actually forgot about that...oh
-"rem didnt sacrifice her life for a world like that" im tearing up actually and idk why...its been a hard week
-lmao hes so mad at vash
-yeah hunt him down babygirl >:D
chap 5
-....metal >:D
-they deserved it btw
-huh thats actually kinda nice of him i forgot
-ofc he would blame vash for that, then again vash makes all of us at least a little bit soft i think
chap 6
-i love you vash that takes his sweet time to process traumatic situations, yes that was scary
-vash saying "im the deathwish" means a lot to me as an mcr fan lmao. i will think more about that later tho
-HES HEREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
-YES YOU ARE A PRIEST OMG WHY AM I THIS EXCITED
-THEY MEET, OMG THEY ARE MEETING! AMAZING!
-STOP BLUSHING BRO LIKE AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
-WHY ARE YOU TOUCHING HIS CHIN LIKE THAT YO
-"go home or go to hell" oh im getting that on a tattoo one day actually, so metal
-...cmon, me me big boi
-THAT SMILE, THAT DAMN SMILE im gonna jump off my local cliff
-vash in the beginning saying he can read people and then wolfwood comes and READS HIM LIKE ITS NOTHING
chap 7
-"is that a friend of yours" he looks so offended lmao
-ahhhh that must be so scary, he already has knives to worry about but the fact not everyone can see legato makes his job harder ahhhhh
-bye baby ily (hes my son that i only share with a couple of other ww enjoyers)
-CAN YOU STOP BEING GAY FOR 2 MINUTES
-OH THAT PANEL IS SO GOOD (also even more princess coded, like looking at really from a castle idk)
-GUYS GUYS MY WIFE IS HERE
-i keep forgetting hes missing his little arm :c
-lmao wolfwood is right, i wouldnt go to a church all the way there :b
-yeah and shes hot while teleporting all over the place
-ok but shes really fucking cool, despite wanting to kill my comfort character, yknow how these things go
-OHOHOHOO THAT PANEL WITH VASH FOCUSING IS AMAZING
-YESSSSS, SO METALLLLL
chap 8
-aaaand...there goes my wife
-ahhhhhh he looks so little :c
-OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HES COMING, HES NEAR
-idk ww :c idk when will it end
-OH WOW OH SHIT I FORGOT ABOUT THAT
-yeah right i dont like this part :b (its not bad just personal stuff)
-ok he do be looking pretty tho, i wonder if its a family thing
-YEAH MERYL SMACK THAT MF
-im a ball of rugged paper and my feelings are nothing...thanks nightow ily
-oh wait...he actually thought that was the end...thats so fucking smart nightow...wow i never considered that....
-aw babygirl :c but i cant even imagine how that must feel, how much hate he feels towards knives rn
-i think besides the "he called me by my name" meryl and milly let him go cuz they just felt he was going to matter what, like you can feel vash and his unstoppable energy on those pages
-oh hes so fucking pretty
-WAIT I NEVER NOTICED THAT BUT YEAH THAT WAS ON STAMPEDE EP 3 HOLY FUCK, THEY SAID THE SAME THING
-knives just fucking reads vash like an open book its incredible and it makes me so sad cuz vash cant escape, he cant hide nothing, not in front of knives
-he cant be knives without the good old gaslighting >:D
-the yelling throughout the page is amazing
-vash is crying noooooooooooooooo :c
-NO. STAY AWAY FROM ME, EVIL PANEL THAT HAUNTS MY DREAMS
-also :c
-im not too sure of what happened with his legs but ok sure
-im afraid my babygirl cant give you an answer ww, i dont think he knows
-.....why is the world so mean to him :c
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