VQT!

Dev Patel mentioned in his reddit AMA that some of the hijra in Monkey Man were not actors and were from the hijra community. I just remembered your tag and thought you might like to know!

AH THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME KNOW!

I was trying to find anything in interviews and coming up short. It does make it have some grounding in real world collaboration with people, rather than "just" coming from the outside and making statements -- obviously can't say for 100%, but it feels like it was supportive and respectful in the narrative, and hopefully behind the camera too

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania Movie Review

I completely agree with the critics who maintain that this film was over-stuffed and convoluted – the writers attempted to fit too much into the plot, rather than focusing on creating a coherent storyline with engaging characters. Yet, what continues to stand out to me, as it did in the midst of my viewing of this film, is how rather long and drawn out the whole narrative is. I couldn’t help but think multiple times how it kept dragging and just wishing it would end so I could enjoy the dinner I was looking forward to afterwards.

Unfortunately, Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania tried too hard to be like other MCU films, when a considerable part of what audiences enjoyed about Ant-Man was how different it was to previous films. This film tried to be bigger in order to fit in with the rest of the franchise. But not every MCU film has to be so large scale that it is universe impacting, which is decidedly where I feel this film lost me. Too many things are packed into this narrative, I suppose in an attempt to set up Phase 5 of the MCU and one of the new big villains in Kang.

But the Marvel creators fail to realise yet again that it is the relationships between these characters that draw people to these stories. I loved the conflict between Scott and Cassie who argue over her desire to be an activist and to actively work towards a better world like her father, because of course this conflicts with his need to keep his daughter safe. So too did I enjoy the conflict between Hank, Janet and Hope because Janet fails to tell them the truth of what happened in the quantum realm and how much this currently impacts them. Watching these relationships change and develop over the course of the film are easily the most engaging moments, but they are few and far between. They get lost in all of the mythology and world-building that gets shoved down our throats.

Furthermore, Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania simply lacks much of the typical Ant-Man humour that really made the first film so enjoyable and fun to re-watch. There was a chemistry between the characters that just isn’t there anymore, and it’s hard to feel invested when you don’t care as much about the characters. The tone of this film just missed what I think audiences initially enjoyed about Ant-Man: the smaller-scale adventures, full of humour and heart with a focus on family. Scott Lang shouldn’t need to compete with the other Avengers’ adventures in order to be a worthwhile watch.

This is not to say that I had a terrible time watching the film. For the most part I enjoyed myself, and it was an entertaining enough couple of hours viewing. I just couldn’t help thinking as I was watching that it was dragging and just nowhere near as good as the first film. In my opinion, if you’re thinking about that on a first watch, there’s not really much chance you’d watch the film again.

Hi there!! Not sure if you are still doing ships but if you are could i please have one??

My name is Shae i am 22 years old and a virgo (Sagittarius Moon Rising if that is of any use). I have green/grey? eyes and auburn-ish curly hair (ish because it only looks red in the sun) and i’m about 5’3. I have been told that i am an extremely loyal person and that i am hilarious and should be a comedian. I am very opinionated and am also not afraid to call people out when i see fit and that has gotten me in trouble a couple of times but i’d rather let someone know when i am not happy than just suck it up to make the other person comfortable (lets just say you don’t want to get on my bad side).I am an extremely creative person i love to paint and sculpt and do anything hands on. I danced for 18 years, 15 of them competitively and could have made a career out of it if i wanted to. I can sing as well as play a few instruments (did violin for 3 years, learned the basics of ukulele, i kinda know guitar? But I haven’t touched it in years so who knows how i am at it now). I have worked with animals before and loved it so much i am trying to get into the animal course in my state so i can continue to do so. I am a HUGE nerd especially for anything to do with pop culture, history and Mythology and i love anything nostalgic. I’m a huge thrifter and i love any old type of media (vhs tapes,cameras, things of that sort) i also love to explore new places and love a good bushwalk. I am known in my friend group for being cow obsessed (to the point that if my friends are on a roadtrip and see a cow they will send me a pic) and for being full of a wide range of knowledge that even I don’t understand where it comes from. I think that’s enough info and Idk how to end this so bye

Hi Shae, yes you may! I ship you with…

Sam 🤍🌅🧡

Sammy is definitely a goober, he needs to be with someone who can take and give a joke! Being with him is sorta like living at a comedy show, nothing is mundane. With that being said, Sammy does have a serious, intellectual side. He often gets labeled as the class clown, but I am sure that he can be your rock when you need it.

Another characteristic you both share is being honest to a fault! Your honesty and strong views would capture Sam’s attention from the very beginning and remain his favorite quality about you. Sam is certainly attracted to those that march to their own drum. Sounds like you fill those shoes!

Your artistic side would create quality time between the two of you. He’d love tackling an art project on a Sunday afternoon. Imagine setting up a craft station in the backyard and spending the day painting and sculpting, listening to music and sipping wine!

Sammy would certainly encourage you to exercise your inner musician. He’d set you up with all sorts of instruments, encouraging you through this at home lessons 🤭 Although his methods may seem scatterbrained, you’d slowly realize they are effective when you practice while he’s away.

As we all know, Sam is passionate about wildlife and animals. He’d support you in any way to get into the animal course! Through your adventure with that, I could see him tagging along to events that include petting, feeding, and snuggling animals 😆 He’d beg to bring home an impractical animal and convince you that he could make it work!

Sam is the definition of nerd. Imagine laying in bed when he brings up the most random topic, then you lay there for hours on end… discussing your thoughts, feelings, and ambitions 🤍 Thrifting right up his alley ✅ Media… Photograohy, yup ✅ I see he’s been walking around with a vintage camera lately. So sweet to think Joe inspired him to document his creative vision. I’d love to see the film he gets developed. With you, no doubt he’d end up with rolls filled with candids of your beautiful face 💗

I hope you enjoyed your ship, Shae!!! Let me know what you think ✨✨

We're three days from the Loki finale and I’m back to spout more meta and theories about episodes 5 & 6! It’s a long one (again.)

I really enjoyed episode five. People have complained that they felt it didn't do much to move the show forward, but one of the things I've loved most about this show is the time it takes to sit with the characters and learn about their backstory, their feelings. (I'm always a little bugged when critics say that an episode hasn't done enough to move the plot forward, because without adequate character development, why should I care about the plot?) I thought the pacing of it was really well balanced.

….and I have never been so nervous for a finale in my entire life. There’s a lot of reasons.

The first is just the fact that I’ve been waiting for this show for a whole year, and the anticipation and excitement of it literally helped get me through the pandemic--so when those final end credits roll I’m going to be a whole mess no matter what happens. (I really hope the rumors floating around about season two are accurate) I also just feel like it’s somewhat inevitable that this is our final farewell to Tom’s Loki, and like—I’ll never be ready, but especially right now, amidst all the rampant controversy around this show, I’m just not ready to deal with that. I have a *small* modicum of hope that this won't be the case, but it feels unlikely. Anyway, guess I’ll die.

I really want this show to stick the landing, so to say. I loved the last episode, but a lot of the response has been that it felt like a lull in the plot. I want this show to end in a satisfying bang so it can get the credit it deserves.

Also I’m a whole hypocrite eating my words from last week—I’m fully on-board with Loki/Sylvie now (not that I was ever really against it)--I’m not sure why I’m surprised. They’re so adorable and wholesome, and I’m in love with seeing Loki in love. It’s so precious. (Just as a PSA, if you’re not into them that’s chill, and you’re allowed to dislike a ship without trying to justify your opinion by labeling shippers as morally problematic. Selfcest isn’t a real thing, therefore there isn’t a moral high ground to stand on here. Okay? Okay.) Wherever it ultimately leads, their relationship is still a really sweet exploration of them both growing and learning how to love themselves and trust others. Also, them cuddling under a tablecloth is the cutest shit I’ve ever seen with my two eyes.

MY THEORIES:

I love Sylvie so much, SO MUCH — and she is 100% going to stab Loki in the back by the end of the next episode. I don’t think the betrayal is going to stick, and by the end they’ll both be on the same page again, but the conversations on trust have been way too one-sided for my comfort. If nothing else she's going to seriously consider it. Here’s one way I can see that going. Spoiler alert: it hurts.

Sylvie betrays Loki at one point—and we see Loki’s growth and arc come full circle as, even after being betrayed by the person he hinged his entire development around, he still believes in doing the right thing, in saving her regardless. It ends in a heart-wrenching self-sacrifice of some kind, and his actions serve as the catalyst for her full development as well. We keep seeing different versions of Loki die for their ‘glorious purpose’, just like how Classic Loki shouts the phrase as he was consumed by Aloith (RIP King, I love you).

Loki has already called Sylvie his glorious purpose (or inferred it). There’s been backlash around him saying that, but the way I see it, it’s less “I’m obsessed with this girl she’s my purpose now” and more “I believe that she’s the best version of us and I’m going to make it my purpose to help her succeed and be what the rest of us aren’t”. That’s why seeing all the other variant Loki’s at their worst in the Loki clubhouse (? what do I call this lol) only fuels him more to find her. I think about what Mobius told him: “You exist to cause pain and suffering and death, all so others can achieve the best versions of themselves”. I don’t think Loki truly believes he can be the best version of Loki — I think he saw Sylvie and thought, "it's her". He’s decided he’s going to help her achieve the best version of herself, but he'll do it giving her love and trust and devotion, rather than through betrayal, pain and suffering. He’s re-writing his pre-determined role, in his own small way. I’m so proud of him.

So who’s behind it all and what’s truly going on here? (This isn’t really one theory, more like a string of possibilities and I don’t really know how they’d fit together.)

I still think it’s another version of Loki. And if it is, I can’t help but appreciate the connections between his position dictating the end of time in the show in relation to Loki’s role in the Norse myths, where he’s the catalyst for the destruction of all things. It feels relevant, considering the whole idea that ‘the end of time hasn’t been written yet’ has come up twice now. That would be a fascinating tie-in to the mythology. (Also—Alioth looks like a giant dog. And Fenrir’s role in Ragnarok was devouring the world—I realize this is a reach but am I the only person seeing this connection?) The thing I really can’t predict is the motivation. What would cause a Loki to want to prevent Loki’s from changing? Was there something that happened in the sacred timeline this Loki is trying to preserve? (I also like the idea of us maybe seeing another version of Sylvie behind it all, but I’m just going to leave that rabbit hole alone. )

But here’s the theory I can’t stop thinking about. There’s a theory floating around tik tok (by user twelvepercentcredit) saying the ‘castle’ we see beyond Alioth looks like a place called the House of Ideas, something that appeared in a (discontinued?) Loki comic. Here’s the wiki page on it. Just looking at the imagery of this compared to the location we’re seeing in the trailers, it’s too similar to be a coincidence. The huge bookshelves, the towering ceilings.

Here’s a description from the wiki:

“The House of Ideas is also home to a library which archives the exploits of every hero who has ever existed in the form of books, written unconsciously by the collective minds of their believers. This collection is curated by Now and Then, two of the children of Eternity. Now and Then routinely seek out heroes to bring into the House of Ideas to bargain with them and give their collections more pages, therefore more time for adventures and exploits. “

And later on the page on how Loki ties in:

“Heeding the desire in Loki's heart to do more with his life, Now and Then approached Loki and brought him to the House of Ideas,[5] where they struck up with him the deal to give more pages to his collection of exploits, rewriting the Books of Loki with a hero's stories in exchange for an eventual hero's death.”

Are they gonna play with the exact happenings of this? I don't know, but it sounds pretty cool!

It would be gutsy to go this route with the show given how meta it is, but I love the idea of it. Would they put characters that embody the abstract ideas of “Eternity” “Now & Then” into the show in the last episode? I’m not sure. Something I could see as a possibility though is an alternate version of Loki having overthrown whoever was previously guarding the timeline, and Loki and Sylvie will have to take them down in turn, thus ‘releasing’ the multiverse to its default, chaotic state.

What if our Loki’s ultimate destiny, ultimate Glorious Purpose, is to release the timelines--restoring all the variants back to their original timelines--and remain in this place for eternity, guarding the timeline and ensuring the multiverse is allowed to exist in its natural state? It seems a pretty fitting role for the God of Chaos. It would also explain why whoever’s behind the TVA would be so desperate to eliminate all variant Loki, if that was his ultimate destiny.

It would be an effective way to remove Hiddleston’s Loki from the movie-verse without killing him, AND place both Sylvie and any other Loki variants back in the the main timeline for use in future films—which we know has to happen somehow, because Young Avengers is definitely happening, and Kid Loki has got to get out of the void somehow.

And yea, this outcome would hurt like a bitch. Because even though that would truly be a lovely glorious purpose for our Loki, he’d be alone. And the whole point of this show is that he doesn’t have to be alone! It would be a very poetic sacrifice for him to take on the burden of watching over the timelines alone for all eternity so that his other variants could be the best versions of themselves, but I really just want him to be happy. I will be crying my eyes out if this happens. I’ll be proud but I won’t be okay.

And this all is probably speculative nonsense and could go off in an entirely different direction. Who knows. All in all, I just really want to see Loki fully believe in himself and his ability, to truly absorb what he said about being stronger than he realizes, and to take control of his destiny.

WHAT I WANT (NEED) FROM EPISODE 6:

Let Hunter B-15 and Mobius team up to burn the place to the ground. She was nerfed in the time-keeper fight, I want to see B-15 kick some ass.

I kind of want Ravonna to escape and be a character that carries over into the films for her tie-ins with Kang? I want to see more of her.

Give Loki a new badass costume. I’m begging. If he’s gonna go down, he deserves to go down in something other than khakis.

And then I want to see him and Sylvie fighting side by side in matching outfits.

I want a Mobius-level hug between them. Or a kiss. Or both. But I want the hug more. And you know what? I want her to initiate the hug or kiss or whatever it is because I want Loki to experience receiving love and affection from others as much as giving it. He deserves it ok??

I expect Mobius on a jet ski in the post credits and if I don’t get it I riot

@marvel these are my demands.

As always, if you've made it this far I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Greetings and salutations, hope I don’t bother you to much. May I please have a romantic matchup for Death Note and Bongou Stray Dogs? Please take your time, and no rush! My pronouns are They/Them and I’m pansexual with a preference to masculinity. I’m about 4’11..not to happy about it. My house is Gryffindor if I remember. I’m rather introverted, and can be considered not a people person. Because of me taking a liking to gruesome and morbid things like slashers and murder documentaries. I also like to visit abandoned hospitals and houses just for fun, along with playing quite a few escape rooms. A friend of mine even likes to call me "discount vomitboyx". I’ve also been called "doomer boy kinnie" before. I also can come off a little bipolar. I’ve come to the conclusion I just scare people off. In reality, I’m intimidated by everyone around me and find it hard to start conversing, which may or may not come off as rude to people. When I finally become comfortable with someone I start to become really sarcastic and joke around with them with witty banter. Most of my humor comes off really insulting, but I’ll apologize and say it’s a joke if it becomes a problem. Lots of people don’t like me or stay away from me because of my rude behavior. I’m not good with overly sensitive or overly annoying people at all because of that, and I can’t stand kids. I’m a huge animal person though. I have my moments where I can get really feisty, or very quiet and closed off. I’m the type of person that has lots of opinions on things but I keep them to myself and bottle them up. If pushed far enough I’ll become unforgiving, and aggressive. Especially with the types mentioned above. I find the most comfort in just being in my room drawing, reading and or listening to music ( My Chemical Romance, Arch Enemy, MurderDolls, Jazmin Bean, Get Scared, sometimes Will Wood, Lemon Demon or Mother Mother, etc. ), or even occasionally gaming on my switch or read and talk about Greek mythology. I’m a plushie maniac and when I fall asleep you can always see me cuddled up to one of them. I find it because I’m really touch starved. I’m guilty of being very submissive, and I suffer from asperger syndrome, depression and anxiety. I have small tics, but they only flare when I’m stressed or mad. I’ve also been developing a eating disorder. If you do get to this, thanks for your time. - coii

Hi lovely! I hope you like your matchups!

Death Note Matchup: I pair you with… Matt!

The two of you bond over gaming on your switch! He likes to watch you play and offers tips and tricks when he sees fit or when he simply wants attention. He’s a Slytherin, and I think a Gryffindor and a Slytherin make a formidable couple! He’s a bit taller than you at 5’6” and sometimes holds it against you when teasing, but overall he just loves you a whole lot!

He’s interested in your love for murder documentaries and slasher movies and will sometimes tag along when you visit abandoned hospitals and houses if you ask nicely! He also loves your witty banter and your sense of humor! The two of you seem to get into arguments when observed by anyone who doesn’t know you, but to those who do, they just know you guys are bantering with each other!

Bungou Stray Dogs Matchup: I pair you with… Mark Twain!

As the sniper of the Guild, he takes his job seriously but always makes time for you! He’s quite a bit taller than you at 5’10” but doesn’t tease you about it too much. He is also a fellow Gryffindor! So Gryffindor power couple!

He likes to watch murder documentaries and slasher films with you, so movie dates! He will also happily go with you to check out abandoned places!

Mark also loves your sense of humor! He banters a bit with his ability Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer, so he’s the king of banter! Overall, he loves to go on movie dates and creepy dates to creepy places and will be sure to protect you should anything happen!

Sam’s honest opinions on The Last Jedi and The Rise of Skywalker

At first I thought this was worth sharing because I was totally here for the “””shade””” he throws at Rian and JJ. Not gonna lie, it gave me some delight. But thinking it over and really comprehending what Sam has to say (he’s talked about things like this in the past, but this is relevant), it goes way beyond that. And to be honest, it isn’t even a “””drag”””, as I’ve seen people on twitter say. I think Twitter has blown this thing way out proportion. There’s been clips floating around of him just saying “Rise of Skywalker, if you like it, awesome. It’s not as meaningful to me because I can’t really reconcile that mythology with George’s. But that’s just my opinion” and “The Last Jedi, to me, felt like a movie made by a guy who hadn’t done his homework.” People clipped just him saying that and just rolled with it. They either absolutely love him for it or people are turning against him. Not listening to what Sam had to say beyond that (probably because they don’t watch him stream). And I for one think that’s totally unfair.

Sam is a George Lucas fanboy. He’s always been adamantly open about that. But the thing is, unlike a lot of the Star Wars fandom, he doesn’t destroy the sequels to prop up Lucas and the things he loves. At least not in a disrespectful or hateful way. His criticism for these films that are very divisive among the fan base has always been valid in my eyes. And I completely understand his points, even if I don’t always agree. But when I don’t agree with his view, I don’t get angry and lash out. I’m not the biggest fan of the sequels, but I don’t hate them with the fire of a thousand suns like a lot of people do and there are things from them that I like, but as a whole, it’s my least favorite trilogy. It just makes me uncomfortable to see people be so hateful, but those same people are up in arms when someone else says they don’t like what they like. For example, prequel fans lashing out for someone having valid criticism and not just saying “I hate the prequels” with nothing substantial to support their opinion, but in the same breath saying things like “the sequels ruined star wars”. Because a lot of people probably still think the prequels “ruined” Star Wars.

But I’m not one of those people who’s gonna be so over dramatic and say things like “the sequels ruined Star Wars”, because that’s someone else’s Star Wars. Like how my gateway to Star Wars was the prequels and I may have some blind nostalgia for that, those films are someone else’s intro to this universe. I have my gripes and criticism (much like other people do), but it doesn’t seem entirely fair to shit all over it (WHICH SAM DID NOT DO). I just don’t have the time or the energy to put forth in hating something so intensely when I would rather put it into what I love about Star Wars. Sam goes on later to say pretty much the same thing. Personally for me at this point in my fandom experience, I’ve become indifferent to majority of what I don’t like. I accept that it exists, but it doesn’t ruin my entire experience. Not saying I don’t debate about and call things out when I think I have something valid to add, but I don’t actively spend all my time and energy devoting to something or someone that I don’t like. It comes and goes in passing, but I don’t dramatically reiterate my hatred with a burning passion like a lot of fans do. Like seriously, it��s a damn movie franchise. Your life is not ruined.

But I’m just sick of people misinterpreting this as Sam “””dragging”””(whether you’re happy about what he said or not), because he’s not. Star Wars twitter is rejoicing and being offended at these clips out of context. Someone posted a clip of him saying “Rian Johnson didn’t do his homework” and then it spins out of control to be “SAM WITWER SAID FUCK THE SEQUEL TRILOGY” (ummm, no he didn’t) or “SAM WITWER IS CANCELLED”.They take their  hate “crumbs” (someone literally said this to me today) where they can get it or they turn against him. I personally don’t think this is fair to Sam, that his words are being taken out of context like this. He said there’s things he enjoys about the movies, he just doesn’t think they mesh well with Lucas’ mythos....and that The Last Jedi contradicted itself and he feels that Rian Johnson, in trying to be “””edgy””” with his Star Wars, didn’t fit well with what was previously established. And he feels that JJ’s conclusion doesn’t tie in the overarching theme of the films. But Sam also says that everyone has their own interpretation of what Star Wars is....and you don’t necessarily have to agree with someone else’s vision. The thing is, it’s not acceptable to “be a dick” to someone else about how you don’t agree (Sam’s words, not mine). Which I feel is hard for a lot of people in this fandom. God forbid someone else have a different opinion than you and you let that ruin your experience. So what???? There’s so much drama and at its absolute worst, the SW fandom can be a very toxic place. It’s very entitled and elitist. but it can also be a very a fun place once you find your place and your people. 

In this same stream, Sam says you have the power to accept what you love about Star Wars. And you are able to differentiate what you accept as “canon” and what you love vs what you don’t necessarily like. And you don’t “have to be a dick” about what you don’t like. But he also encourages healthy debate and that you are free to validly criticize the media you consume. Which I totally believe in.

At the end of the day, we are all fans. I think we should pour more of our energy towards what we enjoy about the franchise,not give a shit about someone else not liking what we like but also civilly debate it, call it out for its wrongs, offer valid and respectful criticism, don’t reply with death threats or hate speech to people you don’t even know (THIS INCLUDES CREATORS AND PEOPLE DIRECTLY INVOLVED WITH THE CONTENT OF THE FRANCHISE), defend what you love for the right reasons without shitting on others for no reason. A lot of people cross the line and it’s so incredibly hurtful what some “fans” say to each other or about other people. There’s so much harassment and it’s fucking ridiculous the extremes some people go when someone has a different opinion than them.

This is just how I feel about this situation that’s kind of snowballed (as things do whenever Sam says something because literally everything becomes a news headline or gets taken out of context). Sorry if I’m being overly critical and preachy about something that isn’t even a big deal. 

This mess is just rubbing me the wrong way and I wanted to rant about it. 

HAPPY ALMOST STAR WARS DAY!

Emily in Paris or why I stopped caring for the main character and started rooting for the French. Episode 2.

I must confess one thing. I have a sort of admiration for people who have the habit and the will of go running before work, because I don’t do these things, and people who can do it while wearing what seems like a lace top (?) maybe more adequate for other things, but who am I to judge if Emily looks perfectly fine when running while I look like a bag with sport wear. So congratulations Miss Cooper you are doing well in this aspect. Also shows that Emily is adapting her schedules and her habits to her new life. Example: she’s not going to arrive early to work this time. Lesson learnt, so good for her!

Unfortunately there are still things she must get right. Example given, knowing exactly where her apartment is. She again tries to invade her cute neighbour’s home, which causes him to ask if she wants to live in his apartment. At this stage, there are reasons to suspect indeed. But there’s no time enough for our two character to devour each other with their eyes, so, after a last invitation to bang anytime from our delicious neighbour Emily goes back home to get a shower and dress for work.

Her white boots, however, have an unfortunate encounter with a material of animal origin. She’s naturally disgusted and deals with it making another Instagram post. Discovering, by the way, that she’s gaining more and more followers for ther photos of fictional! Paris.

Sidenote: this scene can mean two things from yours truly’s point of view. Either Emily’s next days are going to be shitty or she’s going to be ultimately lucky. In France or Spain is very common to wish good luck with the word merde (or well, mierda in Spanish). In both cases it comes from the times people went to theatre or opera house in carriages drawn with horses. So a load of shit meant: you are in the greatest show in town. But probably is not that deep.

At Savoir, la Plouc is decaying as Emily’s sobriquet, and only Julien greets her with it. Besides, Emily has learn to strike back. Or rather is her smartphone the one she uses to retort Va te faire foutre! Which mean Fuck you but it’s not that imaginative. Why not mange tes morts, or some decent French swearing. Anyway well done, Emily, because this makes her earn Julien’s respect.

... But evidently not Sylvie’s. She is clearly contemplating the void and wondering if some kind of karmic justice has sent her this girl that can’t figure out why is la plouc instead of le plouc or won’t pronounce the name of the fragance De L’Heure from Lavaux. Sylvie doesn’t want to listen her ideas for promoting Lavaux’s last product. A little discussion insues between the two ladies. Must luxury remain an enclosed world? Should it be democratized in some way? Of course Emily thinks the point of view of an outsider could help, but, could you point at the outsider in this scene? Of course Emily is not French and still dealing with the continuous cultural clash. But she doesn’t seem an outsider by any means. And, ah. There’s a launch party for De L’Heure so she better hurry up and put some thing that doesn’t resemble whatever she’s wearing.

Was that fashion advice from Sylvie? Who knows. In any case, Emily looks quite pretty with her black dress. The handbag is funny but highly debatable. And she’s overjoyed and bubbly as she pursues trays full of delicious food. Which is a faux pas, from Sylvie’s point of view.

Enter Antoine Lambert from Maison Lavaux a.k.a. another Frenchman who is going to be attracted towards Emily’s many charms. Because that’s what Frenchmen do in this series. She fails to understand what a nose means in the world of fragances - it’s not that harsh to figure out, sometimes I wonder why they have written her like that; she’s suffering a severe case of cultural clash, but it doesn’t mean she’s stupid, argh -. Antoine is creeptractive. Especially in the next scene.

Which takes place in this terrace with the gorgeous view of a glittering Eiffel Tower. This makes Emily smile and would do everyone else who had the opportunity to assist. This makes up for Sylvie saying that she’s talking too much about bussiness during the party, which is something she should not do.

Monsieur le Creeptractive follows her and tests the fragance on her skin. A really weird dialogue about how she should have a French boyfriend because you learn French in bed... Yeah, sure.  Emily profess her fidelity to her engaged to be engaged Doug back in Chicago. Something that he doesn’t deserve but more on that immediately after. He smells her in a way that would make many women shudder and run away and compliments (?) her on smelling like expensive sex. Yikes yikes yikes.

All in all, is a successful night for Emily, but as she discovers the next day, she’s supposed to work not in the promotion of De l’Heure, but in some product  called Vaga-Jeune to help woment to combat vaginal dryness. Is that a mean move by Sylvie, or it’s only a logical thing for Emily to start there, given she has experience in pharmaceuticals? Discuss. She also tells our heroine not to be too flirty with Antoine, who is married to one of her very good friends. But immediately after Julien drops the bomb: Sylvie is actually Antoine’s mistress. Oops.

In order to deal with the amount of unwanted information, Emily texts to Mindy and they go for a dinner. Mindy gives her a few tips to survive in the complicate environment of a city where everyone is having affairs with everyone. As if in Paris - like everywhere else - didn’t exist people who doesn’t care about sex. In this universe, Emily still can’t wrap her head around the endemic lack of conyugal fidelity in this series.

We learn more about Mindy, who maybe would deserve more than being only Asian token character which is supportive of the main one just because. Indeed Mindy is for now my favourite character here, along with Sylvie. Mindy turns out to be in Paris because her millionaire zipper king father wanted her in the bussiness school, but, since living in Paris was one of her dreams, Mindy dropped it and became a nanny instead. Now she’s been cut off by dad, but she’s free and, besides, she finds funny to have grown up surrounded by nannies and now being one of them.

The temptation of MIndy taking over Emily in this series is too big when just in the next scene she thinks she can “educate the chef a little bit about customer service” without even tasting her steak, which she wants done more. Customer are not always right; some of them behave like annoying assholes. She swallows her words as Gabriel from downstairs emerges from the kitchen because of course he’s the chef. Somewhat that convinces her she should taste the steak before giving her opinion. It turns out the steak is wonderful, it was wonderful the whole time. Emily please. Try to behave.

(also Mindy wouldn’t mind to taste the chef instead of the steak, which is understandable)

Next day Emily is happily roaming around the market with a little hat perched on her head and the mind full of Chicago Boyfriend Doug. The little hat is so stupid that it’s almost charming, like someone more fit for a musical than for real people walking on real streets. She seems to have befriended the woman from the boulangerie, too! However, the happiness is to be shortlived...

... Because Doug, as his first scene already indicated, is someone who can’t bother to take his ass into a plane and fly to Paris where there is nothing to do while expecting for his girlfriend to come back from job. This guy must have one, but he’s so lazy that one wonders if he inherited it. Notice that, unlike in Paris, there are cars in Chicago. Doug proceeds then to inelegantly dump his girlfriend by phone.

Very fitting to have Emily standing just next to the Panthéon when the call is over and their relationship as dead as the people inside.

Emily is logically sad after this and the weather seems to agree with her mood, probably she cried to her sleep, or at least she shed some tears. He doesn’t deserve it, honey.

Her mood doesn’t improve when, at the office, she discovers a new thing. Yes, you have grammatical gender in French, as well as in other European languages. She is puzzled because, starting her campaign for Vaga-Jeune, she discovers vagine is a masculine word in French. She doesn’t understand it, and, in typical Emily fashion, she decides the problem is with this language she knows virtually nothing about.

She also learns a very important word for her future life in Paris: grève, which means strike. And it’s not going only a vagina strike. But who knows, she lives in a parallel universe so maybe there are no strikes there (since there is no public transport and/or services on sight even if we know it exist somewhere). And of course, post something on her Instagram account about how vaginas are not masculine.

During her (daily, one guess) conversation with Mindy during the lunch break, Emily loses at last this overoptimistic side of her that makes the character annoying and vents a little about her general exasperation. She thinks she’ll never learn the language (but girl, you barely tried, don’t be so harsh with yourself), or be simply tolerated by her workmates, or even understand how the city was built. She’ll be all right, Mindy insists, not very impressed at her friend’s disperation.

Which follows is one of the most cringeworthy deus-ex-machina I have seen, and adequately being a deus-ex-machina it comes from l’Élysée. Wink wink, mythology aficionados.

By the way, it’s that the façade which gives to the main courtyard of the French presidential palace? Yes it is. Here I am wondering where this footage came from and when it was filmed because I am that way. Seems the flag is at half mast from that point of view so... this could help to know in which moment was filmed... But screw that, you aren’t here for my personal obsessions, so lets go right to the point.

Somewhat Carla Bruni finds Emily’s post about vaginas utterly fascinating, to the extent that she has to share it with Brigitte Macron. And of course the current French First Lady (even if officially there is not such title in France) agrees and posts it in her Twitter account. We only see Fictional!Brigitte from her back. Real Brigitte doesn’t have accounts on social networks, by the way, which is understandable since after a while one gets tired of playing the game of guessing if the one who made the mysoginist and idiotic post is from the extreme right or the extreme left (it’s a difficult thing to tell apart, I assure you). Of course Emily’s post gets viral.

Brigitte Macron just retweeted you, bitch! is not bad as unexpected sentence on a screenplay in 2020, congratulations. Her partners at Savoir are overjoyed and suddenly Emily can share a table with them, yay! Though evolving from la plouc to our Vaga-Jeune is not really improving that much I guess? So that’s the end of the episode and Emily’s life seems not-so-that-depressing all of a sudden. So thank you Brigitte.

And that was Episode 2 of Emily in Paris. Our heroine was slightly less annoying than on first one, probably because the reality of being in a totally different country is starting to hit her and she’s had a few humblings by this moment. For the next one, we’ll know more about Monsieur le Creeptractive & the nonsense of fragance advertisements.

[zombiebandido]

Can you recommend any Neil Gaiman to me, aside from Stardust or Good Omens? I cannot

What’s the best concert you’ve been to, if you’ve been? Idk, I think I’m just not huge on concerts

What’s the funniest screenname you’ve ever seen? i-run-with-scissors-to-feel-dangerous

Is there an animal you like that most people don’t? Don’t think so

Is there an animal that you think is overrated in terms of how it’s liked? Goats or cows, maybe

Is there a time period you think is underrated? Not really

What about music? Showtunes

Do you find yourself listening to music that’s a bit more esoteric? No

What are your three favorite books and why? Harry Potter because of the worldbuilding, Mistborn because of the worldbuilding and characters, A Confusion of Princes because it is a fun standalone book

What about authors? Idk, I mostly like specific books  Do you have any likes you wouldn’t tell someone until you got to know them? Nah probably not

Do you have a favorite language? Not really

What about a place you’ve always wanted to visit? Ireland

What’s something someone does or says that just makes you laugh? Idk, it’s usually situational

Do goldfish crackers ever make you sick, or is that just me? No?

Do you have a favorite art style? Probably realistic

Do you have a favorite myth/fairy-tale? No, sorry I’m being boring with this quiz

Who is your favorite person aside from family? Probably my bff

Do any of your pets (if you have them) have weird quirks? My cat was just very emphatic

Do you listen to music from anywhere besides America? Not really

Have you ever “quit” a site and came back to it more than once? No

Do you have an “odd” fascination with anything? Dice

What is the thing you want most at this moment? An interesting job and a return to normal from the pandemic

What was the last book you read and what was it about? I’m currently reading The Martian about an astronaut stranded on mars

What was the worst book you’ve ever read & why? Walk Two Moons because the twist ending fucked me up

Do you have a favorite breed of dog or cat? Which? Golden retrievers

If you like any anime/manga, what are some titles you recommend? I don’t really like it

What do you think about school in general? I thought it was interesting and I wish I could go back

What’s the hardest thing you’ve been through, & what did you learn from it? Maybe the braces. Dk what I learned from it

What are three “unrealistic” things you want most? An interesting creative job with steady and high pay lol, the lottery, the good place experience from The Good Place

What are some of your favorite foods? Pasta, chocolate, cereal. I am a simple girl

Where do you like to buy your clothes? Kohl’s, Macy’s, and thrift shops

Do you take any daily vitamins? When I remember

Who are three of your favorite fictional characters of all time? Kelsier from Mistborn, Sirius Black from Harry Potter, Raydan Lykel from The Crown and the Flame

If you had to give the world a pre-existing mythological/fictional being, what would it be? Idfk

When buying Slurpees, if you do, do you get only one flavor or mix them? Mixing is fun

Do you have a favorite 7Eleven food? No

Do you have any desire to learn (a) foreign language(s)? Which? Not strongly

If you could have any career, “realistic”-ness aside, what would it be? Something in film maybe

What are three memorable movies from your childhood? The Little Mermaid, Harry Potter, Barbie as the Princess and the Pauper

Do you, personally, put a space after ellipses, or not? Let me check... do I? I guess I do

What do some of the things that inspire you have in common? Making things

Micky D’s sweet tea, y/n/other? No

What are three of your best (non-physical) qualities? Creativity, honesty, smarts

What are three of your worst (again; non-physical) qualities? Stubbornness, anxiety, lack of empathy

What is one of your firmest beliefs? I don’t really have firm beliefs

Do you ever question things until you’re unsure of even the silliest thing? Yes

Do you have anything that keeps you from doing something you’d truly enjoy? Anxiety and procrastination, and money

What are your three biggest pet peeves (personality-wise) in others? Holier-than-thou people, acting like you’re too cool for fun, being unsafe

Do you work to fix your faults? Or at least, admit to them? I admit to most of them but I’m not so great at working on them

What are three of your best physical qualities? (NOT EYES!) Why not eyes? Other than that, I guess hair color, boobs, singing voice (at least I’d like to think so)

What are some of your greatest aspirations? Do something fun, have a good social life, see what I would look like in my prime

How do you hope the world will change, if at all? Get done with the pandemic, stop having capitalism be so shitty

Who are three (fairly known) people you find very intriguing? Taylor Swift, Voldemort, F. Scott Fitzgerald

What are three things that make you the happiest? hanging out with friends, crafts, cuddling with my boyfriend

What is/are your view(s) on god, religion, spirituality, or relations to? I don’t believe in them

Are you arachnophobic or scared of spiders in the least? YES

Do you play WoW? What do you think of it either way? No, I am just not that into video games

What kind of computer do you have? Windows 7/Vista/XP/Other? Macbook Pro

What are you good at? Crafts and school

What career do you hope to have? Something creative

Are you taking any interesting classes in school/do you not attend? I’m finished with school but I wish I could go back

If you don’t attend, are you taking any “lessons” for anything? No

A book/piece that has had an exceptional impact on your life? Harry Potter

If you know of pandora.com, what is your favorite station? I haven’t listened to pandora in ages

Have you ever “lost” a friend in any way? How did you deal? Some just faded away but some actively ditched me and I tried to find out why

Any music recommendations? Showtunes

What are at least three of your biggest fears? Spiders, living a mundane life, covid right now

Most recently read book that you liked? A Confusion of Princes

Do you have a piece of jewelry you don’t like to take off? No, I have so many that I like to alternate them

Do you have a favorite quote? Why is it your favorite? Carpe Diem. Haven’t lived it much lately though Any odd pastimes you have? Making lists and charts

Are you quirky in any way? (Name them please). My fashion sense especially in high school, the nerdy things I do

Have any practices you aren’t opposed to but wouldn’t do yourself? Probably a lot, I’m generally of the live and let live mindset

Political standing?

Left

Do you have any piercings/what do you think about piercings? I just have my ears pierced

Do you have a favorite material? I’m a fan of soft materials like suede or velvet, also metals like copper and silver

What are three names you’d name a pet if you HAD to get a pet right now? It depends on the pet

Do you like to listen to dorky/amusing music? Idk

Coffee vs. Tea vs. Energy Drinks: Order from favorite to least favorite. Tea, energy drinks, coffee

Do you like more “fruity” sweets or “savory” sweets? Fruity unless it’s chocolate

What do you hate the most? Spiders

What genres of music are your favorite? Showtunes

Do you believe in true love? Idk

Do you believe in love at first sight? If yes, why? No

What are some of your favorite clothing accessories? Jewelry

If reincarnation exists, what sort of person would you want to be next?

One of those outgoing guys that always has adventures with his friends What are some things you believe strongly in? Idk

Where’s your favorite place you’ve been? London was pretty cool, also Italy

What sort of books and movies do you like? For books: sci-fi, fantasy, dystopia. For movies: rom-com, sci-fi, musical

What’s your favorite thing to do on a rainy Saturday? Idk, just stay in

Is there a book you’ve read that really touched you? The Great Gatsby just because I related to Gatsby a lot

Do you have a favorite artist? Taylor Swift

PC or MAC? Mac

What do you love doing? Crafts, shopping, board games

If you could create the perfect world for yourself, what would it be? Basically just the good place from The Good Place. Unlimited time and resources to learn and try things without pressure to make money off it

Do you think that fate plays a part in people’s lives? Not really

Are you religious, spiritual, atheist…? Atheist

What are your opinions on the media? The media is a very broad range of things

Do you think that people throw the words “love” and “hate” around too much? Idk

What is your favorite piece of technology that you own? My laptop

What’s a piece of technology you’d like to own? I have what I want at the moment.

Are you afraid of technology developing to where we’re too reliant on it? A little bit of getting to the point where a lot of jobs get replaced with AI, because instead of making lives easier like they could be, there will just be a huge unempolyment problem that our stupid capitalist society won’t solve

Does it bother you when people do things to fit in with a certain crowd? If it’s not what they want to do

Hot or cold? Cold Do you think that Bzoink should extent the character amount for questions? I don’t use Bzoink

Do you have a favorite combination of complimentary colors? Maybe green and pink

Do you know why all the young people who have nice cars always look grumpy? I don’t think I’ve noticed that

What’s your favorite odd ice cream flavor? Lemon Sorbet or Coffee Toffee Bar Crunch

Where do you like to get your ice cream? Haagen Dasz or Ben and Jerry’s

What’s your opinion on stereotypes/labels? Idk

Do you ever use random word generators for Bzoinkoids?

What?

Do you believe that history repeats itself? It sure seems like it is

Would you rather learn from your mistakes or just undo them? Learn from them

What was the most interesting class you had in school? My words and music class in college Do you write? If so, what? I used to write poetry, I sometimes come up with stories but I don’t really write them

Do you have a favorite website? Tumblr and Etsy

Do you think that the quality of TV shows is going down? No, there are usually good ones to discover

Do you have a favorite culture? Maybe Celtic. I just like the art patterns What was a story you heard as a child that really affected you? The Headless Horseman scared me a lot

Who was your favorite grade-school teacher and why? My third grade teacher and my 6th grade math teacher

Do you think that the world will end? How? Probably in a few billion years when the sun turns into a red giant

Do you believe in Global Warming? Have you researched it? Yes but I haven’t researched it

Do you prefer piercings or tattoos? Tattoos

Do you remember your dreams? Sometimes

Survey #342

“in this farewell, there’s no blood, there’s no alibi  /  ‘cuz i’ve drawn regret from the truth of a thousand lies”

What’s your all-time favourite cartoon? Does anime count? In which case I'd say Fullmetal Alchemist, or the original Pokemon. If we're not including anime, then uhhhh Avatar: The Last Airbender, even though I have much more to go in the series. Have you ever taken dance lessons? What kind? Yeah, I've done a few for many years: jazz, clogging, modern, and hip hop. When did you last run and why? I literally couldn't tell you. I don't even know if I can run with the current state of my legs. My knees would probably crumple. Does your house/flat/whatever the hell you live in need cleaning? Not necessarily cleaning, but sorting. I still have boxes outside and inside my room of my stuff I need to put up somewhere... but whenever I prepare to do it, I just get so overwhelmed and shy away from it. Then there's the spare room, that's a total mess loaded with boxes and the like. Mom and I have just avoided it like the plague. Was your last relationship with a man or a woman? Woman. What do you think your next achievement will be? HOPEFULLY getting a job... Do you like mushrooms? NOOOOOOO. What dream do you remember most vividly? I'm not talking about it. Favorite kind of bread? Pumpernickel. Rabbits or hamsters? Rabbits. I've never met a nice hamster, and I just think rabbits are cuter. A movie you’ve never seen that it seems like every one else has? Harry Potter films. Favorite dog breed? I'm biased towards beagles. When was the last time you climbed a tree? Never, actually. Where I live, there aren't really many weighty trees with low branches. Just pine trees. Most common lie you tell? That I'm "fine" when I'm not. Ever seen your parents make out? Jc no, I'll take a hard pass there. Do you put your hair up a lot or down? It's too short to put up. Most of the time do you straighten or curl your hair? Neither. What piercing do you hate? I'm not a fan of cheek dermals at all, but you do you 100%. Were you raised in a religious house? Yes; I was raised Roman Catholic. Do your parents get mad when you're on the computer for hours? Mom used to for many years until I became an adult and she just realized it was in vain. I haven't lived with Dad since I was a teenager, but when my parents were together, he usually didn't say anything. Have you ever been asked for a nude picture? No, thankfully. I'd stop talking to the person immediately. What would you do if your parent hit you? I honestly feel like I'd slap them back and get the fuck out. Or just freeze in shock and cry. What's your most common mood? Stressed but distracted. Do you like poems? Yeah, usually. Ever kissed someone half-naked? Uh yeah. Have you ever been in a parade? No. Do you still play Pokémon? I play Pokemon GO, and I've actually been tempted to get out my DS and play one of the games I have (I can't remember which). I do find Pokemon games to be VERY grind-ey, though, so I can't play them for too long without getting bored. What is your favorite Pokémon? Ninetales. I also really love Espeon, though, and Charmander will always have my heart. Is there an animal you like that most people don't? Bats! :') Is there an animal that you think is overrated in terms of how it's liked? No animal is overrated. Have you ever "quit" a site and came back to it more than once? Uhhhh I don't think so. Do you have an "odd" fascination with anything? Most would probably consider "vulture culture" to be pretty weird, being drawn to dead animals and all... What's the hardest thing you've been through, & what did you learn from it? The breakup with Jason. I learned that some people make promises they aren't afraid to break, that someone can promise "forever" and not mean it, that the most unexpected can just snap their fingers and forget about you... I learned a lot. And most things, not positive. What are three "unrealistic" things you want most? 1.) To be able to financially support myself by just freelance nature photography; 2.) sooo many different kinds of pets; and 3.) to be totally rid of my mental illnesses. Do you take any daily vitamins? No, but I would if I was the one who bought groceries and stuff. I do however take Vitamin D once a week for my legs. Who are three of your favorite fictional characters of all time? JUST THREE??????? FUCK MAN idk. Uhhh well there's of course Darkiplier and Wilford Warfstache, then uhhh probably Pyramid Head. If you had to give the world a pre-existing mythological/fictional being, what would it be? Idk, I'd really need to be more educated on their lore before I made that decision. Do you have any desire to learn (a) foreign language(s)? Which? I both do and don't want to resume learning German. I got very good at it and could have basic conversations, but lack of application has slaughtered my vocabulary. Now it's like, it'd be nice to try again, but for what purpose? I don't think I'll ever actually apply it to my life, so it just seems like it'd be a load of wasted effort. But then on the other hand, I also feel that doing something you simply want to do isn't a waste of time. Idk. What is one of your firmest beliefs? Equality for all. No race, religion, whatthefuckever makes you more or less valuable than someone else. Do you have anything that keeps you from doing something you'd truly enjoy? Oh yes. Depression and anxiety, mostly. Do you work to fix your faults? Or at least, admit to them? I definitely try, and I'll certainly admit to them. How do you hope the world will change, if at all? I just want more compassion, less violence, more understanding... What is/are your view(s) on god, religion, spirituality, or relations to? In short, I believe that something sentient created the universe, and it/they/he/she/what-have-you just... let life play out from there, I think. I like to believe there's a plane of consciousness like an afterlife that exists, but if not, I don't really care. I hope the evil get what was coming to them, and the good get back what they gave, but maybe we're all better off without life after death. We'll all find out one day. Are you arachnophobic or scared of spiders in the least? Some, yes; others, not so much. This is very situational. Do you play WoW? What do you think of it either way? Haha, you're asking an avid player. I enjoy it, but not as much as I used to. At one point I was a Heroic raider, sometimes dabbling in Mythic, but now I'm just mostly a casual mount collector that likes chatting with my guildies and just doing dailies 'n shit. I owe a lot to the game, honestly; it helped me stay occupied throughout the breakup, and still today gives me something to do. What kind of computer do you have? Windows 7/Vista/XP/Other? I have an Acer Nitro with Windows 10. Are you taking any interesting classes in school/do you not attend? I'm no longer in school. If you don't attend, are you taking any "lessons" for anything? No, but I would like to join a photography course somewhere. A book/piece that has had an exceptional impact on your life? Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo just made me hate war more than I innately did. What genres of music are your favorite? Just metal as an umbrella term. Some heavy stuff, some less, some in the middle, some leaning towards other genres... but I just like metal. Do you think that fate plays a part in people's lives? No. Wouldn't "fate" just make it all... worthless? Like we're just storybook characters with a predetermined ending? What are your opinions on the media? One word: manipulative. What's a piece of technology you'd like to own? I REALLY want a PS4, especially lately. There's just a lot of games I REALLY want to play. Are you afraid of technology developing to where we're too reliant on it? We're already *too* reliant on it, which I do believe is a bad thing. I know, absolutely hysterical for me to be talking. What's your favorite odd ice cream flavor? I don't think I've ever had a truly odd ice cream flavor. There's this local place though that makes a kind that tastes JUST like s'mores, and I can fucking murder a cup of that. What's your opinion on stereotypes/labels? They're limiting and devalue uniqueness, imo. I know very, very few people who totally fit a certain stereotype, so why even bother. Like I don't care if you use them as adjectives to some extent, just don't put too much weight on them. Just be you. Do you believe that history repeats itself? It's not necessarily doomed to, but it happens sometimes, obviously. Would you rather learn from your mistakes or just undo them? Depends on the mistake. What was the most interesting class you had in school? Probably Mythology in high school. Do you write? If so, what? Yeah, meerkat role-play. And every now and again, poetry. Do you have a favorite culture? No; I'm not educated on nearly enough to pick one. Do you believe in global warming? Have you researched it? Lol no shit I do. I don't exactly think it takes much research to see with your own two eyes that it's factual. Do you prefer piercings or tattoos? Tattoos, if I had to pick. What comedy movie is your favorite? White Chicks. Have you ever meditated? Yes. Doesn't work for me. What comes to mind when you think of a great moment in your life? Realizing it was my choice to liberate myself and my happiness from my ex. He didn't and never should've carried it, because that's my right. What do you like about springtime? Aaaaall the flowers. <3 How have you handled having to stay in? It's not really different from my average day, so... How would your friends describe you? Quiet and overthinks literally everything. Have you ever hallucinated? When I was coming off a certain med in middle school, I saw black moving shadows. What (or who) is the best thing that ever happened to you? The partial hospitalization program I attended for two months following my suicide attempt. It's where I met my psychiatrist, who set my medication straight. Medicine besides though, I learned so many coping techniques and just how to deconstruct my trauma. As well as possible, anyway. What is the worst decision you ever made? Handing over the ability to make happiness for myself to another person. What is your favorite arcade game? Don't have one. Do you feel neglected? No. What school subject(s) are/were your best? English, Arts, Science. Are you allergic to pollen? Yep. What style of wedding dress do you like best? Probably ballgown. Are you over your first love? I probably never will be in complete totality. Do you always answer your phone? No. I only ever do if I recognize the number. Who was the last person you know to have a birthday? Today is actually my sister's birthday. What song is currently stuck in your head? I have Halocene's cover of "What I've Done" on a loop right now. It has me absolutely covered in goosebumps. Do you ever use coloring books? Not really anymore. Do you personally know anyone who is an author? Not to my knowledge, no. What’s your favorite kind of salsa/dip to go with tortilla chips? Just your normal, mildly hot salsa. Do you wash your car by hand or drive through a car wash? Mom's car hasn't been washed in... well, years, given its bumper. Mom worries that in a car wash, it'll be broken off (it is literally held on with a lot of zip ties and duct tape), and we ourselves don't want to wash it, so... Do you have any uncommon kitchen appliances, such as espresso machines, waffle irons, etc? I know we have one or two, but idk what they're called. What did your parents major/minor in in college, if they went? Dad never went to college. Mom changed her major a few times, but her latest was social work, I believe. Has either of their careers influenced what career you chose or want to pursue? Not at all. What kind of natural disaster is most common where you live? Hurricanes. Why is your least favorite season your least favorite? Because it's hot as fuck and humid. Have you ever had an animal get into your attic? No. When was the last time you started a “new chapter” of your life? I don't know. Hopefully I'll start one soon when I leave PHP and pursue a job... What room in your home do you spend the least amount of time in? I'm always in my room. Do you do anything to reduce the amount of electricity you use? I feel awful admitting I do quite the opposite... Being in the dark during the day affects my depression, so I'll have my lamp (or both) on even if it's just sort of shaded inside. Are you usually open to trying a new food that you aren’t familiar with? Eh, it depends on the food. I'm not very adventurous with foods though. Do you listen to Panic! At The Disco? I do. Have you ever had a kinky dream about a celebrity? ... It wasn't "kinky," but it was a dream lmao. Has anyone ever told you that they loved you, and you couldn’t say it back? That's how I ended the whole Joel childishness. Which friend do you confide in most? My mom. Do you wear a cross? No. What is your favorite doughnut? That's so hard. :( Krispy Kreme's normal glazed though probably takes the cake. I also love chocolate frosted and just totally plain, though. Do you have a hot tub? If so, where is it located? No. Did you read the Twilight series, or jump on the bandwagon after the movie? Neither. Do you or your parents rake your yard? Dad did growing up. Now nobody does or needs to. Who did you last go to the movies with? Dad, I think? What color was the last vehicle you were in? White. Do you have any family members in the military right now? No. Is there a ceiling fan in the room you’re in? Yeah. Have you ever heard voices? No. If you’re not straight, who was the first person you came out to? Sara. Do you remember the first time your first crush ever said hi to you? No. Do you ever go places with wet hair? Yeah, idc. Who is your favorite little girl? My nieces. What do you want the most in life? To feel like I made a difference, even a tiny one. If you could have anyone’s singing voice, whose would you choose? OBVIOUSLY Amy Lee's. What’s the most expensive thing you’ve bought that turned out to be a waste of money? *shrug* What’s something you’ve bought that turned out to be way more useful than you anticipated? Hm. Have you ever been on a ship? No. Would you ever date a disabled person? (Be honest) Yes. Would you rather adopt or have your own child? IF I wanted kids, which I absolutely do not, I'd rather have my own. I know I'd feel a deeper connection. What would you class as cheating on someone? As soon as you do/say something you don't want your s/o to know about, you're cheating. As far as earrings go, would you rather wear hoops or studs? Studs. Do you recycle? Yes. If someone dislikes you, what is most likely to be the reason? People have thought I don't try hard enough before. Do you put a line through your "7"s? Yes. ^ What about your "Z"s? Yes. What are you most known for? My art "skill," at least irl. How do you feel about shameless self-promoting? Depends on when, where, and how. As someone who's trying to be a freelance photographer, I get that it's sadly necessary, but there are some places it's just uncalled for.

A Letter to the Creators of the Netflix Adaptation of Narnia

As some of you may already know, Netflix will be adapting the Chronicles of Narnia. Now, I don’t want to get my hopes up too much. The Magician’s Nephew was meant to be adapted not long after Voyage of the Dawn Treader came out, and that was scrapped in favor of Silver Chair, which is a dead project too. But, if the stars do happen to align and Netflix manages to adapt the series, I will be a loyal fan and supporter of the creators of the TV/film franchise. 

Everyone has their own opinions on how the Narnia series should be adapted. Some believe that the religious tones should be enhanced, while others believe they should be lessened. Some want the series to be more gritty and serious, while others want it to be light and child-friendly. Some want to see accurate representation and an expansion of the Narnia universe (what are the other countries like? who is to say that all of Narnia is white, straight, and cis?) while others want it to be an exact adaptation. All of the concerns about Netflix adaptations are valid, especially given the importance of the Narnia series for many children around world as well as the undoubtedly religious aspect of hte series. Taking too many liberties may alienate the Christian community, whilet taking too few will ostracize fans who wish to see the books adapted to fit 21st century political, social, and cultural sensibilities. 

I have my own opinions and hopes for the series: mainly, that I would love to be offered a richer picture of the Narnian universe, from what Calormen and Archenland are like, the political and social climate of the Golden Age, to the early reign of Frank and Helen. I think if done right, delving into these aspects will show a new side to Narnia, when it has been seen by most mainstream media as simply a Christian allegory while other fantasy series and given broader platforms and deeper analyses by the average consumer. 

But, what I hope above all else that the Netflix production of Narnia captures is the spirit of the series. I believe for many kids who first read the novels, the religious tones go unnoticed. For many, Narnia is arguably the first example of escapism fiction, where children have authority and power, when they usually go ignored and silenced by adults. 

Indeed, for C.S. Lewis himself, Narnia was not intended to be first nad foremost a Christian novel. He has said multiple times that he didn’t envision Narnia as allegory, and that he developed the plot and fantasy before he realized the similarities to Christian themes. He created Narnia from a dream of a lamppost and a faun in a red scarf, and it was that dream that carried him through seven books, that saw the birth and death of a world. 

Instead, Narnia is an amalgamation of several cultures and themes. He incorporated Celtic fairytales alongside Judeo-Christian themes, as well as Greek mythology and astronomy. C.S. Lewis was a scholar before he was a Christian (he was a strong atheist before meeting J.R.R. Tolkien who convinced him to rejoin the Church) and it is his scientific reasoning that informs much of the series. As a result, to write off the Narnia series as “just” a Christian book, thinly veiled as fantasy, would be false on multiple counts, and I hope the Netflix producers see the series as more than that.

For me, Narnia is not about Christianity or even religion. Instead, Narnia is about rediscovering magic and joy, when all seems hopeless and you have no power or control over your own life. The Pevensie children are sent off to live in the countryside with a stranger after the Blitz, passive actions of their political reality. Still, when they enter Narnia, they encounter the White Witch, who seeks total control over the world. In the world that the Pevensies are brought up in, age equals authority and power; even the older siblings try to control Lucy, and much of the early sibling interaction between Edmund anad Lucy has to do with him seeking authority over his younger sister. The other books, too, show this conflict between children and authority figures: Diggory versus Uncle Andrew, Shasta versus his adoptive father figure, Prince Caspian versus Miraz, Eustace and Jill versus the stifling intellectual environment of their school and families.

What Narnia offers each protagonist is the opportunity to discover their own power and give them the opportunity to control their own narratives. Each character is active in his or her own story, rather than reacting to circumstances beyond their control. Certainly, they have guidance. But, Aslan’s help is rare, and often, the children save themselves. They make mistakes, but they also atone for them and move forward. Narnia shows children that they do have power, even if those around them don’t recognize or appreciate it. 

At the same time, the series condemns authority figures and adults for forgetting their inner child. The books are not saying that adulthood is bad (Frank and Helen are positive adult figures, as are Diggory and Polly in later books) but rather, many adults lose the joy, courage, and creativity they once had as children, becoming cynical, shallow, and cruel as a result. Uncle Diggory’s obsession with appearances is mocked, when the Talking Animals mistake him for a tree; Miraz is defeated by his superstitions. The “problem of Susan,” often cited as sexism on Lewis’s part, is another example of this theme: that true maturity means accepting and celebrating the wisdom of childhood. 

What a successful Narnia adaptation should do, then, is not preach Christianity or present a meaningless adventure, just for the sake of showing off advanced CGI, but tell us that even in times of darkness, you can still hold onto hope, you can still atone for your mistakes, and you can still have agency over your own destiny. The people around you may belittle and disrespect you, but that doesn’t take away your power unless you succumb to it. 

It is hard to keep fighting, to keep having that hope when everyone around you has given up. But what the Narnia series shows us is that we can change the world and we do have an impact. That spirit - of courage, of dedication, of hope - is what I hope that Netflix manages to bring to the screen, above plot minutiae, cool CGI, and Christian allegory. 

Narnia was never about playing it safe, finding a home, or having blind faith in a god. Instead, Narnia is about the struggle of finding yourself and believing in something against all odds, and that maintaining hope is not futile or useless but worthwhile and powerful. To Netflix, to Matthew Aldrich, to the incredible cast and crew that will be starting soon on adapting the book series that changed my life, I am excited to see you take on this challenge and show to the world the greatness of the Pevensies, Aslan, and Narnia. Good luck and courage, dear hearts!

Calling for dedicated roleplayers with a passion for writing

Hello! My name is Aaliyah or Ally for short, and I will cut right to the chase. I am looking for a mature role-player, preferably 21+ but will also accept 18+ (just to be sure that you are of legal age, otherwise it’ll be very uncomfortable).



As I am 26 years of age with 12 years of experience, I hope to meet someone who shares my passion in creative writing, as well as formulating interesting plots and characters. 

In case you are curious about me as a person, I am a full-time student and a young writer who works at the gym on the side, but also enjoys other creative outlets such as drawing. Usually my schedule is fairly full, including the attendance of friends or family. However I always have ample time for a good roleplay. :) 



I am seeking a literate writer who is committed to a long-term partnership, and by that I truly mean it. Please do not respond if you are uncertain of upholding a stable roleplay. Furthermore, I’ve noticed the “ghosting after the first few messages“ trope is a fairly widespread issue in the roleplaying scene / community. I would like to implore you from refraining it. I’ve grown quite irritated by it lately and rather like to avoid it in the near future. That way we don’t waste anyone’s time. Thank you in advance. If you are hitting a hiatus, that’s completely fine! A simple message of putting things on hold is completely sufficient, but I would like to keep in touch in case the story bears great potential. Now I have a wish, or as other say it, a certain craving for something new and fresh. And that something is quite specific, as my interests are a little unorthodox. Not the typical ‘Marvel, DC, My Hero Academia, etc’ type of stick. (Not to throw shade on them! They are great! Just not my cup of tea at the moment)


I heavily enjoy video-games, tv-shows, comics, films, books, the list goes on. Hopefully I can attract some kindred spirits. 
 I do roleplay both Canon and Original!



So if there’s no luck in finding a fitting Canon based story, we can always switch to original world building. First, I like to list all of my heavy cravings and interests. The ones marked in bold are usually the ones I am very willing to do.



Books:

Harry Potter Next Gen (original character cast)

True Blood

Vampire Hunter D (or Manga / Anime)

Vampire Chronicles by Anne Rice

Game of Thrones

Videogames:

Dragon Age (from Origins to current instalment)

Castlevania

Devil May Cry

Infamous series

The Darkness

Smite

Star Wars the Old Republic


Webcomics:

Lore Olympus

Lookism

True Beauty

Comics:

Constantine

Hellboy

Witchblade

The Darkness

X-Men

Films:

Alita Battle Angel

Kingsmen

Vampire Hunter D

TV-Shows live action:

True Blood

The Boys

Vikings

Game of Thrones (Open for discussion. Still haven’t recovered from the season finale however…)

TV-Shows animated:

Hellsing

Castlevania (Netflix adaptation)

Devil May Cry (Anime adaptation)

Demon Slayer (I have only started watching this)

FMA Brotherhood

Jojo’s bizarre adventure

Black lagoon

As for original plots, I am very keen on urban and gothic fantasy, but also mythology as well as horror and crime and action. I have plenty of ideas up my sleeve, some of them quite fleshed out and some of them being concepts in the making. Either way, I would rather have these ideas introduced throughout email or whatever platform we choose to communicate on. Themes for an original story I am most inclined to do are:

Supernatural / Metaphysical (Demons, Angels, Spirits, Monsters, etc.)

Mystery

Crime

Action

Sci-Fi & fantasy (Aliens coming in contact with unsuspecting earthlings during the middle ages / ancient time-periods)

Urban fantasy mixed with high school / college themes (similar to Supernatural with local monsters, creatures, etc)

Now onto the qualities of what my roleplaying partner should have.

What it all entails: What the Partnership should be: I strongly encourage an active roleplayer who is not afraid of sharing 50% of ideas, plotting, length, detail but most important of all, passion. A bird cannot fly with only one wing. Communication: I love making new friends and brainstorming, and communication is the bedrock of it all. It strengthens our compatibility and the story. Should there be anything that might bother you, or if you think you are left out in some type of way (be it a mistake on my part or if we’re both at fault here), simply tell me. It really doesn’t bother me rewriting certain scenes to better fit the narrative. We can always exchange opinions and see what would benefit the story most. The Way of Writing: No one-liners. No text-talk. No half-assed replies. And certainly no ‘quality over quantity’ when you can have both. I don’t expect anyone to write a novel, absolutely not. I don’t either, but if I get the feeling of my partner wavering in their effort and not investing as much as I do, I have to give them the chop, unfortunately. Too often have I encountered partners who showed strong enthusiasm at first, but after a while… they slacked and eventually only put the adequate effort into their side of things whilst completely disregarding my characters. I hope to avoid this in the future. And now to myself and how I write: My writing: Third person perspective usually, although I have made some exceptions in my years of writing. My style is wide-ranging and flexible, which means that frequently, word count will go up 1000+ per reply - though it also depends on the given situation and partner. And yes, I do double, preferably even, most likely in a canon universe. However this again wholly depends on the type of story, partner and cast of characters. I am very open and willing to discuss.


Rating: So you are writing with some of mature age. I have 12 years of writing under my belt. There will be violence, there will be swearing, gore, intimacy, uncomfortable topics, drama, conflict and other dark themes included when you are writing with me. I have few limits but I will respect the boundaries of my partner. And lastly, I won’t fade to black or skip out on the nitty gritty, unless it doesn’t serve a particular purpose in forwarding the story.

Characters: I write canon as well as OC characters. Faceclaims, GIFs, drawings, mood boards or just a plain physical description is absolutely sufficient. Characters should be written as opulent, flawed, unique, talented, heroic, villainous, spiteful, angry, and everything in-between. In other words, don’t be scared of making them flawed.

Romance: Openly play and accept characters of both genders, preferable m x f pairings, but I am open to m x m and f x f relationships as well. I have more experience with m x f relationships, so I might be more adaptable with this one. If the chemistry of two characters compel me, I’m on board with it! When it comes to sexual scenarios and intimacy (intercourse, foreplay, all that funny business). I encourage eroticism, but always in a tasteful, sensual manner (that goes for romance as well), though it is never the main focus of any of my stories, rather a tool to further the plot. Erotica is welcome but never the focus of any kind of roleplay. Content: Drama, violence, sex, metamorphosis, symbolism, action, romance, pretty much everything is a-okay. I am not explicitly bothered by certain subjects that may be uncomfortable for the general public. Roleplays are fictional stories and we best keep treating them as such. If there are things you are uncomfortable with, name them and I shall respect those boundaries. But don’t be surprised when suddenly one of our characters bites the dust, or gets tortured, etc. It may be difficult to write and read, but it is all part of the story and a tool for furthering the plot. My roleplays imply and involve brutality, mayhem, psychological and physical altercations among other things. But I also endorse beauty, serenity and placid moments for our characters to grow in. I love it when it comes full circle… everyone- and everything has a beautiful and hideous side. Again, this is mature and I am not here to coddle, I am here for a challenge. Should I hit a hiatus myself, I will inform you as soon as possible. :)



Platforms I usually roleplay on are email and google-docs. I also have Discord in case for plotting and chatting outside of the RP. Though Google Hangouts has proven itself as a sufficient chat-medium for such things, so I rather stay with that one. 



When you message me, please use the given codenames so I know what you like to specify in.

Blue Rose: Canon 


Red Feather: Original 




I’d be happy to receive a small description of yourself and what your passions are! :) Message me here: EMAIL: [email protected] I am very excited to hear from you! Sincerely yours -Ally

Book Review: Dragonlore by Ash DeKirk

Dragonlore is a guide to dragons of the world, including dragons from mythology, from video games, from literature, and from films. DeKirk has a BA in anthropology, and demonstrates her level of research well by presenting a thorough investigation into dragons from different cultures. A lot of books on dragon lore will focus chiefly on European and East Asian dragons, with little focus on other regions, but this book relishes a chance to flex on the author’s knowledge on mythology. This book was my first introduction to North American dragons, for example (things like Meshkenabec, Gaasyendietha, Haietlik, etc.). If you’re interested in dragons outside East Asia and Europe, this is the book for you!

This book is very full of information, and split into four sections: Dragons of The World is first geographically, then alphabetically. For example, the Africa sub-chapter has entries on dragons from Aido Hwedo through to Wadjet. There are roughly 20 dragons for each geographic region (China, Japan, Middle East, the rest of Asia, Europe, North America, Meso America, South America, Africa and Oceania) and each dragon is given a sentence or two of information.

The next section is Dragon Myths of the World, a series of short stories, each a paragraph or two long, about dragons. Stories about Emperor Yu, the Pai Lung, the Lambton Worm, Seigfried and Fafnir etc. (25 legends in total). Some of these stories are missing details; for example, ‘The Koshi Dragon’ does not mention the dragon is sometimes named ‘Yamata no Orochi’, despite the ‘dragons of Japan’ chapter mentioning the ‘yamata dragons’.

The third section is titled ‘Dragons of the Modern Realm’, encapsulating dragons from literature, film and games. DeKirk  has a good grasp on dragons from popular culture and media, and this is one of the few books I have read that delves into modern dragons. However, the author definitely talks more about her favourite games and books rather than talking about the most influential dragon media.

For example, if I were to list the dragon books people talk most about, which shape opinions of dragons in the modern world (keeping to books from before 2006, when Dragonlore was published), Dragonriders of Pern, Temeraire, The Hobbit, Eragon, How to Train Your Dragon (although the film that made it popular outside the UK didn’t come until 2010 so an omission of this book is fine), Dragonology, The Neverending Story and the Earthsea books come to mind. I have not read most books on dragons, but I know which ones are famous and well known. DeKirk’s choice does include The Hobbit, and Dragonriders of Pern, but also many books which I have not heard of, and a few that I have heard of but also know to be obscure (The dragon knight series by Gordon R Dickson, for example). So her list of books is not necessarily the ‘list of best and most well known books of dragons’, but a list of books that she personally recommends the reader – which is great when you’re looking for what to read next!

Curious side note – DeKirk does not mention the Neverending Story book, but in her description of the film she describes Falkor as having pearly white scales and ruby red eyes – features of the book dragon moreso than the fluffy puppet with brown eyes seen in the film.

DeKirk is clearly a huge Yu-Gi-Oh fan, and Final Fantasy fan, and in the mythology chapters she will link the mythology to the games, which is an interesting way to link history to the modern world, and provides the reader with a knowledge of the origin stories behind these game characters.

If you want to know about dragons and dragonlike creatures in Dungeons and Dragons, Dragonlore has you covered, as the book delves not only into vanilla D&D Dragons, but also dragons in the Dragonlance, Rifts and Forgotten Realms settings.

There is a small section of original fiction in this chapter; the first part of a high fantasy novel, a few poems, and a short story about a dragon that makes nice dreams for people. The high fantasy story is of note because the worldbuilding for this story is very heavy (a mix of Netflix’s The Dragon Prince and Alison Goodman’s Eon: Dragoneye; probably predating both of these works, but it’s set in a kingdom of elflike people waring with humans, and some are spiritually linked to magical dragons) and some of it was missing from the original fiction chapter because it had been placed in the mythology of Southern Asia.

Alongside the Makara and the Naga, the editors or author saw fit to drop ‘The Seven’ and give a quick description of 7 dragon gods from this original fiction in the ‘Dragons from Asia’ chapter. The dragons on the cover of the book are also from this fiction story: a lot of importance is placed on this work. In ‘Dragon Myths of the World’, as well as retelling real world stories, the author drops in a poem based on the lore of the story. I personally did not like the way they mixed this fictional story with mythology and history of real world cultures – the story itself I won’t assess as these reviews are for how useful books can be for researching dragons.

The final chapter is ‘Dragons in the Natural World’ is of course the chapter I will be most nit-picky about in this review. Many of the animals mentioned are erroneously called ‘lizards’ – this is down to a creative choice from the writer to try and describe what the animal’s name means. For example, DeKirk calls Kentrosaurus a spiked lizard, pterosaurs flying lizards, Albertasaurus a lizard from Alberta, etc. Even with modern animals, the American alligator and Nile crocodile are classed as lizards!

The phrasing of the natural history chapter of this book is poor, and there are many typos or non-scientific uses of names – generic names with lower case letters, specific names with upper case letters and weird attempts to make plural versions of generic names. These latter mistakes are entirely forgivable given that Dragonlore is not meant to be a science textbook, but if you have a background in biology brace yourself before reading this chapter! Furthermore, the slightly arbitrary sorting of prehistoric animals into ‘drakes’ and ‘dragons’ is a little irksome to me, but it helps divide the chapter into neater chunks.

Final notes, the illustrations: the book has some gorgeous high-fantasy illustrations by Ian Daniels and Erif Thunan, but also seems to take some images from history. These images are likely in the public domain, but I still wish they would add sources to such things. Some of the images seem misplaced, for example the ‘ancient drake’ image (a retrosaur illustration) and the ‘ancient wyvern’ image (a pterosaur) are found in next to chapters about the Final Fantasy video games and the Harry Potter books respectively, and not anywhere near the chapter about dragons in the fossil record. This is a bizarre place to put these images.

This book is a great resource for learning more about world mythology, especially mythology of North, Meso and South America. It also aims to be a complete and well-rounded dragon book, talking about dragons in popular media and science, which makes it a satisfying read overall. Once you’ve read Dragonlore, you feel like you’ve explored dragons in culture thoroughly.

This book was also written by an official wizard school: https://www.gswhandbook.com/

Book Depository: https://www.bookdepository.com/Dragonlore-Ash-Dekirk/9781564148681 (£12)

Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Dragonlore-Archives-Grey-School-Wizardry-ebook/dp/B07J16VXS1 (paperback £3, kindle £14)

(the Dragon Jewels story in the book is said to be on fictionpress, but I have not found it – the pen name was Sanzo Sochisama according to the book)

The Rise of Skywalker: Interplanetary Conflicts and Family Feuds

[The following review contains MAJOR SPOILERS; you have been warned!]

Well, to quote the late Orson Krennic: “We were on the verge of greatness. We were this close.”

I’ve been a staunch supporter of Disney’s Sequel Trilogy since the release of its first installment back in 2015. Despite its superficial flaws (particularly regarding its underwhelming antagonists) The Force Awakens’ compelling visual motifs actually inspired me to start writing reviews and essays again following a prolonged motivational drought, and although The Last Jedi was a bit... controversial (but let’s face facts: this fandom has been irreparably toxic since the Special Editions hit theaters, at the very least), I found its rich thematic subtext to be absolutely captivating. Unfortunately, the Skywalker Saga’s alleged grand finale—apparently representing a deliberate attempt by J.J. Abrams to “clean up Rian Johnson’s mess,” to paraphrase one especially venomous, but not entirely inaccurate, Twitter post that went viral (a ridiculous sentiment, by the way; contrary to popular opinion, there was nothing for Abrams to “fix”—because Johnson never “broke” anything!)—is more flash than substance; stylistically, The Rise of Skywalker is certainly a thrilling adventure, but its efforts to resolve nearly every lingering plot thread while simultaneously expanding upon the established lore leaves the story too muddled, jumbled, and busy to be completely satisfying.

[FINAL WARNING: SPOILERS BELOW THE BREAK!]

Let’s address the most glaring blemish right off the bat: all of the film’s major revelations are predictable to an almost insulting degree; indeed, a savvy viewer might initially dismiss the blatant foreshadowing as misdirection because the implications are too obvious. This isn’t necessarily unusual for the franchise, which generally utilizes twists in order to streamline the mythology (Vader becomes Luke’s father, Leia becomes Luke’s sister, we learn that Vader built Threepio in his youth, et cetera); thus, the idea that Emperor Palpatine somehow survived the destruction of the Death Star and went on to orchestrate the rise of the First Order (right down to growing Supreme Leader Snoke in a test tube) honestly feels... fairly typical. 

The developments surrounding Rey’s “true” parentage, on the other hand, are significantly more frustrating. The Last Jedi’s approach to the character—positing that she was merely the child of nameless scavengers that “sold her for drinking money”—was a powerful statement, making her choice to join the battle against tyranny... well, a genuine choice, rather than the inevitable outcome of some prophecy tied to her bloodline. Abrams’ decision to essentially reverse Johnson’s interpretation, instead turning Rey into Palpatine’s granddaughter, greatly diminishes the overall stakes, depriving our heroine of any sort of agency and reducing the galaxy-wide conflict to yet another family feud—a new generation putting on an encore performance of the same old melodrama.

Ultimately, Kylo Ren’s mask perfectly epitomizes the movie’s underlying shortcomings: in The Last Jedi, he shattered it in a fit of rage, symbolically abandoning his aspirations to become a worthy successor to Darth Vader; here, however, he needlessly and haphazardly reassembles it—an empty gesture that serves no real narrative purpose. The visible seams where he welded the fragments back together remain as evidence of his lackluster craftsmanship.

Then again, Wedge Antilles shows up for five glorious seconds—a welcome cameo after his absence from the previous two episodes. So all is forgiven, I suppose.

Seriously, though: my objections to its core concepts notwithstanding, The Rise of Skywalker’s smaller, subtler pleasures—Chewbacca’s heartbreaking reaction to Leia’s tragic demise, the unexpected return of Han Solo (as either a literal ghost or a Force-induced hallucination) and his subsequent reconciliation with his son, the diminutive Babu Frik’s numerous legitimately humorous moments (the series has rarely been this effortlessly funny)—were strong enough to redeem the experience for me. And isn’t Star Wars all about redemption?

I saw something on my dash and I feel the need to respond. I am not @ the person who wrote it because she is a lovely person who is just expressing her opinion, and mine of course drastically differs. It isn’t a call out post so much as a...different view which is necessary.

~*~ JJ Abrams: Is great at beginnings. He is very strong at creating an introduction but the man couldn’t follow through if he were given a map, a compass, a sherpa and put inside a wet paper bag. Plot bunnies have never been wrangled and in depth character work is not his strong suit. An excellent example of this is both Lost and the Star Trek series, another fandom that I have lived in practically all of my life.

Rian Johnson: Never heard about him before TLJ and I am absolutely certain I don’t want to have anything else to do with any of his work. Strong Character dynamics was touted as his strong suit and from what I saw in TLJ, there was more character dynamics in Seasame Street. As for Experimental Works, the key word is experimental, and sometimes the experiment fails. As for Original plots, well...there wasn’t anything original. I saw this movie twice over growing up and done better than what he did.

George Lucas: Great at coming up with a verse, phenomenal vision and desire to bring back/recreate the action-adventure series of the past and dropped us into the middle of a vibrant and intriguing world. Yes, the dialogue was occasionally clunky but forgivable. The FATHER of modern special effects, and it makes me wonder what would have happened if they HAD used his ideas and outlines for the Sequel Trilogy, rather than having his contributions scrapped. Just remember kids, if it wasn’t for George, we wouldn’t HAVE Star Wars. {Or Indiana Jones, Or American Graffiti or.....}

~*~

As for ‘people need to stop acting as if Star Wars is this award-worthy fanchise’, uhm shall we not mention the 7 Academy Awards, 8 Saturn Awards, the Baftas, the Nebulas, the People’s Choice Awards, and the LA Film Critic awards won by the original trilogy, or the 5 Oscar Nominations of the Prequel Trilogy? Cause I mean I can pretend they don’t exist, but that doesn’t mean that they will be miraculously erased from reality.

Yes, the Franchise IS about Space Wizards and light sabers and princesses and pirates, but it is also a mythological treatise for a modern age, an in depth attempt to recreate both the nostalgia of past media and based on cultural/psychological archetypes far exceeding JUST being movies. And whether or not that was George’s intention, it has taken a life of its own and has now influenced at least 3 generations of human beings. Possibly more. 

The ST is far less developed, yes. Because no one cared. They only had to scavenge the best bits of the OT and PT and paste them together in whatever pseudo-order they could make fit, and added in things that made absolutely NO SENSE when they couldn’t. Specifically most of Luke’s “characterisation”, Rose-whomeverthehellshewas, and I mean to answer this I would have to write an entire other post. Was it boring? Yes. Was it Cookie-Cutter, you could say so, with a few minor exceptions, and if those were MY cookies, I’d have thrown them out. Oh. Wait. I DID.

I would also like to point out that a good 3/4ths of the novels if not more were written to cover the galazy AFTER Return of the Jedi. Any one or more of those stories would have been far better to adapt that what the ST trilogy has given us.  As for “The ST takes place over less than 1 year” and “TLJ specifically occurs in a period of less than 24 hrs” in regards to the PT and OT:

Attack of the Clones takes place over 6 days, in film. Revenge of the Sith takes place over the course of 5 days in which I don’t think Anakin really gets any sleep at all.

We must assume that all the films therefore occur within a week or less. Slivers of important events. We don’t get to see Anakin being trained over Ten years. We don’t see Luke going and training in the dark side before he appears on Jabba’s barge, and yet these things happened.

~*~

Bunny, no no no. Rey is NOT just Luke as a female with abandonment issues. Luke didn’t know how to use a light-saber when he first saw one. He didn’t know how to use the Force, and had to be trained by Kenobi and Yoda. Rey...didn’t need anything. Neither did Finn, actually. Luke was a good guy, yes, but he had his doubts, his fears, his learning period. Go back and watch the films. Anakin was really good at piloting, he was phenomenal at combat, but he had no social graces, he didn’t ‘people’ well, he struggled with abandonment {both his own and leaving his mother}, the flaws were very real and painfully so.

Anakin and Luke both had to undergo the Hero’s Journey, like Frodo and Siegmund and really, pretty much name any fantasy character that has ever been written. Rey has everything handed to her on a platter, doesn’t have any growth or struggle or really makes any choices of her own. She might have been a great character had she been handled with any degree of forethought or sincerity. Alas, we will never know.

If you’re going to quote George, quote him right, he specifically says “Twelve year olds” which is the age of the kids I work with on a daily basis and they do not have simple moralistic wold views. They have the seeds for very complex thought and I am often amazed by their ability to understand and expand on ideas in ways I hadn’t even imagined.

And maybe if you want to see black-and-white morality in Star Wars, that’s fine but it isn’t really the whole point. If it was... Anakin would never have fallen to the Dark side. He would have started there. Luke would never have left Yoda on Degobah to rescue his friends because that was NOT the right thing to do. The films are about choices, write or wrong, made by people in desperate situations. It is about how those choices shaped their history, how it made them into the people they are, but ultimately, they are about how important hope is, and how even someone who has made very bad choices, can ultimately find their way back.

Star Wars, the movies, is about Anakin and his Legacy.

And archetypes? They are the definition of depth, which is why they cross cultural/religious/gender norms. They are universal ideas that can be transitioned across but not changed from their fundamental existence.

TLDR: The Sequel Trilogy really is glorified bad fanfic and is trying to erase it’s legacy so that the Mouse can make money. We all know the Star Wars film series was really “The Tragedy of Anakin Skywalker” and how bout we all stop pissing on that. If the past must die then let them have their dignity.

The Oft Overlooked A BUG’S LIFE

A BUG’S LIFE…

What can I really say about this movie that other animation fans on the internet haven’t already? It was critically dubbed Pixar’s most mediocre film before the horror that is the CARS franchise.

I was about nine years old when this film came out, and I really liked it then. Honestly, I still kind of do, but admittedly some of it is nostalgia on my part and I’m well aware that it could have been better.

Like I said, this film has been talked about by other online critics about how it is okay, at best. That it was just the Pixar placeholder in between the first two TOY STORY movies. However for the purposes of this article I would actually like to highlight some of the good things about this movie, or at least my reasoning for why I still have a fondness for it.

Now before I continue I do feel like I should address two big elephants in the room: Namely, John Lasseter and Kevin Spacey. Knowing what we know now about them, if you can’t watch this movie without feeling uncomfortable, I totally understand. I’ll admit it makes me a wee bit uncomfortable to watch the film now, and more so the behind-the-scenes featurette on the DVD. (Wish I could blur their ugly faces when they’re being interviewed…)

However my opinions of this film on its own have nothing to do with them or whatever they contributed to the film, so they are irrelevant to what I have to say here. As far as I’m concerned if they hadn’t been involved in the film someone else would have taken their place, and those other people would have done just as good a job, if not better. Not to mention they would have been able to do it without being complete and utter creeps. To conclude, Lasseter can go suck a jellyfish and I hope Spacey rots in hell.

I’m going to primarily talk about the things I like about this movie, both then and now. But before I get to that I’m going to talk about why I agree with most critics who consider this one of Pixar’s lesser films.

A big problem with the movie is primarily the story and characters being a bit weak.

Part of that problem is the story’s initial structure. It’s clearly a retelling of Akira Kurosawa’s SEVEN SAMURAI; village is being attacked by thugs, one villager leaves to get help in the form of warriors, villager brings back help, and they successfully fight off the invaders.

Probably the biggest difference in story is SAMURAI ended on a bittersweet note due to casualties among the samurai themselves, whereas BUG’S LIFE didn’t have any real casualties on the heroes’ side. That said, though, it’s funny that the ants seemed so damn certain there would be.

Initially modeling an original story off of a classic isn’t a bad thing in of itself. Back when I was in college it was something a lot of my writing and animation professors encouraged: learn from the classics. Not just film, but also literature and mythology.

The thing is SEVEN SAMURAI as a film was three to four hours long. It had time to accommodate for its fairly large cast, while still keeping its focus on a select few.

BUG’S LIFE, however, was only maybe an hour and fifteen minutes long. The writers probably could have stood to trim down some of the Bug Circus and take time to polish the story rather than try to give EVERYBODY an opportunity to have a funny line.

Having a couple ensembles in place isn’t a bad thing. They had that in TOY STORY with Andy’s toys, the Little Green Men in the claw machine, and the mutant toys. The groups, however, were smaller in that movie, and in the case of the Mutant Toys they had no speaking lines and had to convey everything with silent acting.

However something that’s been pointed out is that with Pixar films there was always a real progression in technical quality. That with each movie they got better and better with the tool of their trade that was CG animation.

Let’s look back at TOY STORY. The reason they made the characters plastic toys was because that’s just what their character models at the time always looked like. It would be a long way before they could even consider rendering complex fur textures for MONSTERS INC., and more complex still Merida’s tangled head of hair in BRAVE. It’s why the human characters in TOY STORY also look a bit weird and plasticky by today’s standards.

With TOY STORY they accomplished lively character animation in 3D. With TOY STORY 2 they managed to make better looking, less stiff human models like Al of Al’s Toy Barn, and slightly nicer fur textures on Buster the dog. MONSTERS, INC. had the aforementioned complex fur textures for Sully and some pretty decent early snow effects.

So what did BUG’S LIFE accomplish on a technical level?

Two words: textures, and lighting.

The last time I watched BUG’S LIFE I was absolutely FLOORED by how beautiful the set pieces were.

Take this scene of Flik giving Dot a pep-talk.

All that detailing in the blades of grass in the background, the pebbles on the ground, the textures on the pebbles, the textures on Flik’s contraption, and even the textures on the characters. It blows my mind trying to imagine how long it took to create those models, differentiate between the more see-through nature of the grass blades and the opacity of everything else, and arrange them in a way that makes for a convincing bug’s eye view of a patch of grass.

Then there’s the scene of the grasshoppers breaking into the anthill.

TOY STORY had some decent lighting that helped establish the needed atmosphere, but I don’t recall it being nearly this crisp.

Once again, there’s the textures on the objects and characters. As a kid, while I was aware the film was CG animated, I found myself speculating if the grasshoppers’ muzzles were made of foam rubber.

These were all things I took for granted as a kid, because I did not yet have the experience to know just how much work and skill it takes to make 3D animation.

This is a still from a minute-long film I made in a 3D computer animation class. I was given maybe only a couple months to make it. That included having to navigate my way through these complex computer programs I was completely unfamiliar with, and technical difficulties like the textures not grafting onto the models right. Let me tell you, it was a pain in the ass.

I look at the backdrops for BUG’S LIFE and I’m left to ask: “How many computers CRASHED trying to render all that?” Because, believe me, that happens. A lot.

Also, here’s the thing. When technical elements of a film are done well, such as lighting or camera focus, the audience LITERALLY doesn’t notice it. They’re too swept up in the story because the visual storytelling keeps up the illusion for them. The audience only notices important technical details like this when they’re done BADLY, hence a lot of people outside the film industry really take for granted just how much work and skill is taken into making a film that looks good.

(It’s why I think everyone should watch FOOD FIGHT at least once in their lives, especially animation fans.)

Okay, while it is inevitable that I would bring up Dreamworks’ ANTZ, I’m not going to talk too much about it. (It’s like the Cola Wars; everyone inevitably picks a side.) All I’ll say for now is I’ve always preferred BUG’S LIFE because it’s nicer-looking design-wise and its content and execution is more family-appropriate. (Also, in 1998 we didn’t know at the time Kevin Spacey was a creep, but everyone and their DOG knew Woody Allen was. Nice job, Dreamworks!)

It’s been pointed out that there’s a distinct casting difference between ANTZ and BUG’S LIFE. ANTZ had a cast of recognizable movie actors, while BUG’S LIFE had a cast of recognizable television actors.

For BUG’S LIFE that’s not necessarily a bad thing. One of the things that bothers me about celeb casting in animated movies is that oftentimes it feels like a flimsy attempt at star-power when said stars don’t have the power to elevate the characters. Actors who might be good front of a camera but bring nothing to a recording booth.

However for the most part Pixar has been really good at casting well-known actors who actually fit their characters and add some personality to them. BUG’S LIFE was no exception.

In fact, quite a few of them had loaned their voices to animation before this film, and some damn good performances too.

And I can name at least one BUG’S LIFE alum who graduated from funny performance to heartfelt performance with Pixar…

(… I’m not crying! YOU’RE crying!)

But I digress. I consider the casting for this movie pretty solid. (With the obvious exception of Kevin Spacey.)

What’s more, growing up I remember a lot of the TV spots for Pixar films usually down-played the celeb cast and let the product speak for itself. The celeb casting was less of a selling point for the films and more like a fun little Easter egg for the parents who had to take their kids to the theater.

Earlier I stated that the story and characters in BUG’S LIFE are a bit weak, and I stand by that. However there are a couple characters I’d like to highlight here as I’ve always found them interesting and memorable in their own ways.

First, let me talk about Hopper for a minute.

(I’ve already stated that Kevin Spacey can rot in hell, so there will be no more of that.)

I’ve heard criticism about Hopper as a character that he was a very bland, one-dimensional villain. To be fair, they’re not wrong.

But the thing I always liked about Hopper is that his one and only goal is to hold dominion over the ant colony. To keep them under his foot, both literally and figuratively, and he wasn’t afraid to use deadly force to do that. He was willing to kill a few of his own goons just to illustrate a point. That’s how threatening he was.

In a lot of children’s media I had seen up to that point, there were several bully characters that were often portrayed as the bigger kids who would demand your lunch money. They were usually ineffectual doofuses like Bulk and Skull from POWER RANGERS, or kids with serious insecurities like Binky Barnes from ARTHUR. While not the first of his kind, Hopper was one of the first characters I had ever encountered as being a prime illustration of not just a bully, but one who had the makings of a dictator.

With his rather one-note motivation, I can see why audiences found him bland, but given his violent means of staying in power, I’m glad they didn’t try to make him “complex” or give him any sympathetic character traits.

Frankly, we live in an age where horrible people are romanticized in the media as being “misunderstood”. I feel like, unlike those media outlets or the upcoming JOKER movie, BUG’S LIFE gets it. They don’t deserve to be portrayed with humanity. These people are monsters. Nothing more.

Maybe if Pixar hadn’t felt the need to rush the production maybe Hopper is one of many characters that could have been polished up a bit in the writing process. Give him some more distinct, memorable traits as a character. Maybe hints at a backstory of Hopper having a long-standing history of using and abusing others, and always getting away with it.

(When I put it that way, we can just say Hopper is the John Lasseter Story. Just draw a pair of glasses and a tacky shirt on the guy and it’s a spitting image.)

The other thing I’ve always liked about this movie was the portrayal of Princess Atta.

Besides being the first Pixar Princess, I always liked how, unlike the Disney Princess pantheon up to date in the late 90s, Atta actually had a bit of a character arc related to the fact that… well, she’s royalty! She’s going to have to take over the colony eventually as queen.

We see this from the beginning as she’s overseeing the harvest and going into a panic when things go even slightly wrong. Also, I find it interesting that it’s a guy that screws everything up when Flik accidentally destroys the food offering, yet she’s the one who gets blamed for it. (Ironic commentary coming from the studio led by an egotistic creep who wouldn’t let women in on meetings.)

But what I loved about her as a kid was that her personality and approach to things was a lot more real and down-to-earth than your average glamorous Disney Princess. She felt less like fairy tale royalty and more like a woman up for promotion at a big company. From a pragmatic standpoint that can be just as scary, stressful and daunting.

(It also feels appropriate in hindsight considering her voice actress Julia Louis-Dreyfus would later star on VEEP…)

My friend @baxterfilms and I have had a lot of discussions about this movie, and we agreed that Atta should have been the protagonist. She actually has a character arc of her own of being unsure of herself at the start of the film, taking charge in the second act, and eventually standing up to Hopper in the third.

Remove Flik entirely, and have her go on a journey to find reinforcements against the grasshoppers. Have her realize that Hopper’s demands are impossible, she’s sick of having to adhere to him, and have her sneak out to get help. When she finds out she literally brought home a bunch of clowns, she understandably freaks out. She has to figure out a resolution because there is a lot of pressure on her to make things right and free the colony from bondage.

Strangely enough, with that version of the story you could still probably have all the indulgent fun of the celebrity cast. It’s just the very core of the film’s story needed some serious tightening up, and maybe Dave Foley as Flik would have fared better as a comic relief sidekick.

With all that said, I thank you for taking the time to read this. I really do think that this film is highly under-appreciated in the animation community. There might have been trouble in the writing room, but the technical achievements in this film were still there and helped Pixar hone their craft into making their animated features as stunning as they are heartwarming.

I have to say, though, I find it funny that there’s almost a pattern to these insect-driven animated movies. Going all the way back to MR. BUG GOES TO TOWN, they usually have rather weak leading characters, and the supporting cast winds up leaving more of an impression.

Weird, huh?

“Rolling in the deep” is a 2015 novella by Mira Grant (Seanan McGuire). It acts as a prequel to “Into the drowning deep”, published in 2017. This is a double review because I highly recommend both of these titles to anyone who likes sci-fi horror of the mythological monsters kind.

“Rolling in the deep” summary:

When the Imagine Network commissioned a documentary on mermaids, to be filmed from the cruise ship Atargatis, they expected what they had always received before: an assortment of eyewitness reports that proved nothing, some footage that proved even less, and the kind of ratings that only came from peddling imaginary creatures to the masses. They didn't expect actual mermaids. They certainly didn't expect those mermaids to have teeth. This is the story of the Atargatis, lost at sea with all hands. Some have called it a hoax; others have called it a maritime tragedy. Whatever the truth may be, it will only be found below the bathypelagic zone in the Mariana Trench…and the depths are very good at keeping secrets.

“Into the drowning deep” summary:

Seven years ago, the Atargatis set off on a voyage to the Mariana Trench to film a “mockumentary” bringing to life ancient sea creatures of legend. It was lost at sea with all hands. Some have called it a hoax; others have called it a maritime tragedy. Now, a new crew has been assembled. But this time they’re not out to entertain. Some seek to validate their life’s work. Some seek the greatest hunt of all. Some seek the truth. But for the ambitious young scientist Victoria Stewart this is a voyage to uncover the fate of the sister she lost. Whatever the truth may be, it will only be found below the waves. But the secrets of the deep come with a price.

Trigger warnings: Gore

My review:

"We said ‘pretty women in the sea,’ and that was good enough, because who doesn’t want there to be pretty women in the sea?"

Like it says on the label, this is a story about mermaids. Specifically, about killer mermaids who are nothing like the legends say… or almost. Both of these books are clear on what you’re going to find inside; in the case of “Rolling in the deep”, you are warned from the first page that nobody makes it out alive (and why). Yet both stories still manage to be suspenseful and with their own surprises.

“Rolling in the deep” is not required to understand “Into the drowning deep”, and you could also read the first and not the second. In my opinion, though, both books can be appreciated separately: the first one as a short story in which the unsaid implications add to the suspenseful horror; the second one making you feel secure enough, invested in the characters enough before showing you the full extent of the danger. I really liked both but, personally, I found the first story in particular delightfully chilling.

The plot of a mockumentary gone wrong works really well for the genre. The deep ocean creatures have always fascinated me, and it was great seeing this as a setting for horror. I also really liked the sci-fi aspects of the story. Sure, there’s probably a lot of inaccurate science facts and descriptions of research methods, but who cares? I’m not reading this to learn science. I’d rather have that, which at least seemed carefully thought-out, than a vague “and then the scientists did some science”. It makes the story richer and it accomplishes making you think that those creatures really could be out there. The author does a really good job at making the myth of the mermaid and their “reality” fit.

The characters were complex, interesting and diverse: there are as many women as men, there are characters of colour, there are gay characters and couples, there are characters with mobility impairments. Maybe more importantly, though, for they are so infrequently represented in media, both books have badass deaf characters, and in fact ASL is a big part of the plot.

This is one of the best horror stories I've read; you won’t easily forget about it if you’re ever out in open sea. My rating for both books is 5/5 stars!

Fun fact: There’s talk of a movie adaptation of “Rolling in the deep” that would be directed by Mary Lambert (“Pet Sematary”). While a lot shorter than its sequel, I think this novella has a lot of potential for a “Blair Witch Project” style and I can’t wait to see it!