#but my creative brain don't want to kick in lately and i really wanted to share something about this idea so here you are
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one-shot snippet
Duke was running out of fumes to run on. The last few days would be exhausting if it was just vigilante or just civilian stuff but no, he had to have it both. Because of Arkham break out, he had been called in three nights in a row, not for a whole patrol but he couldn't exactly sleep it off during the day like others did, especially not in a week when every teacher decided they needed to have test or quiz or what not. Naps meant he wasn't as sleep-deprived as he could be but he needed far more. But he couldn't because crime in Gotham never sleeps so he had normal patrol to finish and there were about two hours left.
Would something bad happen if he just stopped for a moment and laid on a roof? Ten up to fifteen minutes. It was a slow day too…
Yeah, no, he deserved a moment to rest and if something disastrous was to happen in the meantime he would shame other Bats for not giving him enough time to sleep.
It certainly said something that he found gravel covering this roof to be quite comfortable. He set a timer for ten minutes and let himself close his eyes.
When the loud screech of the timer jolted him awake, he was suddenly fully aware that he wasn't alone anymore. He sat up a little too quickly.
"Oh, you're awake" white white-haired girl around Damian's age chimed, sitting cross-legged just a few feet away from him. She wore something that could only be described as a lab safety hazmat suit, white and black with popping green accents. When had Gotham gotten a new vigilante/villain/whoever the girl was? "Good, I just returned from a snack hunt," she added, gesturing at a big textile bag lying next to her. Duke didn't have enough brainpower to do anything more than ask.
"What?"
The girl shrugged, take-out from BatBurger in her hand.
"You look like you have a bad day if not a few days, so I've got you my cousin's bad day combo or at least the closest thing I could. BatBurger burger isn't as good as NastyBurger but you certainly have better fries" As she spoke, a second take-out bag, 1 liter bottle of energy drink, juice bottle of the same size, and pack of convenience store brownies joined greasy paper bag sealed with a sticker.
"Is your cousin a speedster?" Excuse Duke, it was a totally valid question, he saw with his bare eyes both Wally West and Bart Allen when they visited Manor. No one else would be able to stomach the amount of food they inhaled during their stays.
"Nah, we're not that fast or that hungry. Though I think I may get closer to the speed of sound." So, clearly, a meta if white hair and weir aura that let his eyes rest weren't enough indication "My cousin when he has a bad few days often forgets to eat so this combo has to help with there too. But I'll steal your fries of course."
Duke was not going to look a gift horse in the teeth, so he grabbed one bag and tore it open. There was a classic combo with bigger fries and NightWings inside.
"Thank you…" he trailed off, hoping that the girl would take a clue and introduce herself but she didn't. She just drowned her fries in ketchup and started munching. She had her own juice.
"My cousin always said that each part of this combo has a different purpose." she explained instead, slightly muffled because of the fries in her mouth "This" she gestured towards the fast food meal "is to soothe your stomach. This "she tapped energy drink "is to soothe your brain and kick it back online. This "she raised a bottle of juice "is to soothe your taste buds because energy drinks are war crime against them and this "she nudged brownies "is to soothe your heart because Ancients damn it, this day is awful and you deserve it. At least that's what he told me when I had day bad enough to deserve that" she shrugged, licking ketchup of her finger. Suddenly she froze "You aren't allergic, are you?
"No, I'm not" he confessed bewildered.
"Good"
For a long moment, they sat in silence, devouring food the little girl brought. Duke distantly wondered if this was how the night shift spent their snack breaks. It felt nice.
He was finishing his part of the brownies when the girl spoke up again.
"Do you feel better now?"
"Yeah," he was a little surprised to realize that t it was true. He'll have to note down what she put in this 'bad day combo'. "Thank you"
"Don't mention it." she shrugged with a general gesture of dismissal "You're one of my cousin's favorite heroes because you're vaguely his age and handle Gotham alone during the day and I quote "She did honest or God air quotes at that" 'As only hero in Amity-' which is a lie by the way, Val is doing great and even if he suddenly got problem with how she feels about his alter ego, he still has Sam and Tuck even if they're usually more of moral support. And I helped when I visited, so no, he isn't the only one. Anyway as he said 'As the only hero in Amity, my heart goes out for anyone who deals with this type of bullshit so Dani if you absolutely have to prank heroes, leave them out of it, especially Signal, he can't be older than Jazz, he doesn't need any more mess to handle.' All aliens and lanterns are also off-limits because he is a space nerd. But you aren't space-related so I'm like 80% percent sure he has a celebrity crush on you" She slurped more juice, unbothered.
Duke was thankful he wasn't swallowing anything because for sure she would choke. He took a split second to consider addressing… this whole situation and choose against it. He was not ready to be anyone's celebrity crush.
"Your name is Danny?" he asked instead.
"Dani" she corrected" with an I"
"Ok. It's nice to meet you Dani-with-an-I" She giggled, nodding her head slightly.
"It's nice to meet you too Signal"
Duke stood up, stretching a little. Dani joined him after hastily putting all the trash in her bag. She was a little higher than expected.
"I have to get back to my patrol"
"Cool," she drifted back a bit, making him realize that she was floating a few inches above the ground. She fixed her bag on her arm.
"Hey, can I hang out a little bit more? My cousin will go green out of jealousy when I tell him" she added with a mischievous smirk but Duke could tell there was more to it. He took a moment to consider it, which apparently made the girl nervous "I can be invisible the whole time, like before." she offered, disappearing in the meantime. He could still tell where she was, because of her heat signature, and aura but for regular people, she would be no different than the surrounding air.
"Yeah, you can hang around and you don't have to be invisible. Just don't get in my way when I have to actually do some fighting."
She popped back to the visible spectrum and pouted like Damian whenever he got benched.
" I can fight, y'know? I stopped mugging on a snack run."
It was ten goddamn minutes, how could she get so much food and stop a mugging in such a short time?!
Oh, right, superspeed. Still, impressive.
"I haven't seen it" he started, channeling all Dick-trying-to-wrangle-Damian-into-socially-acceptable-activity' energy he could muster "So I don't know how you fight or even what powers you have. If we tried to fight together we would trip over each other" It was a bare-faced lie, Bat Training made sure of that but he knew for a fact that if he said anything else, the girl would be mad and probably did her own thing.
Was that what Bruce thought about all of them?
Oh no.
Dani still looked displeased but after a moment of consideration, she nodded with a defeated sigh.
Suddenly she straightened like she got struck by lightning and whipped around.
"Wha-"
She just shushed raising her finger to her mouth. Duke did indeed quieten.
"I have enhanced hearing" she whispered "There is a mugging somewhere this way."
"Let's go then" he shot his grapple, waving his other hand at Dani to come with him before he jumped off the roof. He heard the girl giggle as she flew right after him.
" After this, you'll show me the coolest gargoyles, okay? Sam asked for photos"
"Okay"
It seemed that the end of this patrol wouldn't be as bad as the start was. Hopefully.
And afterward, he was going to lock himself in his room until the sky fell or he was well rested.
Yeah, that was a good plan.
*******
how do you like it?
#it's been in my wips for some time and i wanted to finish it before posting anything#but my creative brain don't want to kick in lately and i really wanted to share something about this idea so here you are#later Duke kinda trains Dani#they hang out#Dani gets a new alias and makes minor costume changes#i had it all drawn and can't wait to share with y'all but i need to finish writing first so you know a context#dc x dp#thoughts?#dpxdc#dp x dc#dcxdp#one shot#writing wip#fanfic#have a nice day dear stranger who got to this part
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The Professor Part 3 📖
Warnings: entire series 18+, a little fluff/angst, mentions of sex, kissing
Author's note: I am NOT condoning teachers and students having a relationship like this. This is just my reminder that this is a story made up in my brain. I hope y'all enjoy 🫶 Grammy U Jake sent me into an absolute SPIRAL!!!! I know these parts are shorter but I can't give you all the details at once- gotta leave you wanting more 😘
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
............
You wake up, fully nude, wrapped in your sheets and an empty bed. How foolish were you to think that he would stay?
You roll over and find a few Tylenol on your nightstand with a glass of water. You quickly swallow down the pills and wrap the sheet around you as you step into the chilly hallway.
You wander to the kitchen and find a plate of scrambled eggs with your favorite veggies. A note sits next to it.
You smile as you run back to your room and snag your phone off the charger. You throw on a pair of underwear and an oversized sweatshirt. You add his number to your contact list and open a new text message.
You:
Hi, thank you for breakfast! That was very sweet of you! :)
You lock your phone and toss it off to the side on the counter. Grabbing your plate, you snuggle up on your couch and put on your favorite movie. You were pleased to find that the eggs were still warm and tasted phenomenal!
It passes into late evening and you are still snuggled up in your oversized sweatshirt. Your sister stopped by during lunch to chat but you didn't see the need in changing clothes. Your hair is now a mess in a bun atop your head. You have a notebook and some pencils scattered around you as you heard a knock at your door. You look out the small window next to your front door and see Jacob standing on your porch.
You quickly dart to your room and throw on a pair of shorts before running back to the door. You open it and he turns around to face you, hands stuffed into his pockets. He dressed in baggy jeans that have been patched in countless spots and a dark blue button down. His same necklaces hang around his neck.
"Hey, sorry to pop by. I sent you a text but you didn't amswer. I, uhh, think I lost my wallet here last night." He stands there nervously. Such a change in attitude from last night.
You swing your door open wider for him to enter. "Oh, absolutely! Sorry I haven't been on my phone at all today!" You say, jutting your thumb in the direction of your living room. "I will go check my room really quick."
You head towards your bedroom to search for his wallet. Meanwhile, he steps further into your living room. Approaching the back of your couch, he notices a few sketches strewn across the coffee table and a new one you were working on. He picks up your notebook to get a closer look. It looks like the most beautiful forest scene with a archway in the distance. Every line so intricate and detailed. He carefully sets the sketchbook back down where it was before and looks up to the tv.
The movie you had chosen right before he got here was The Breakfast Club. He turns around, arms crossed, leaning on the back of the couch as you approach. He takes in your appearance and your cheeks flush. You wave the wallet between your fingers. "Found it! It was under the bed, must have gotten kicked under there when- uhh-" you trail off and hand it to him.
He plucks the leather from your hand and tucks it into his back pocket. "Thank you!" You both stand in silence for a few moments before he breaks the silence. "Well, I better let you get back to your night. You are a very skilled artist by the way. I hope you don't mind me snooping a little." He smiles bashfully.
"Oh, um, thank you! I just draw for fun! I actually love literature!" You bounce onto the balls of your feet nervously.
His eyes light up when you say that. "We all have our own creative outlets! Have a good night, Y/n." He says with a soft smile as he makes his way to your door.
.....
You wake up early the next day, wanting to gather everything around for your last first day of classes. After throwing everything into your bag, you decide to throw your sketchbook in as well in case you have any down time between classes. Most of your first day would be spent going over the syllabus and layout of the class moving forward anyways. You were already prepared. You had started on most of the online assignments weeks ago.
After driving to your favorite coffee shop, you order your favorite, an iced pumpkin cream chai tea latte. The first sip is just what you needed to get you through the rest of the day!
You decide that the walk to your first class isn't super far and head towards the direction of the North side of campus where most of your classes were held.
You threw your headphones in and started the trek, humming along to all of your favorite songs.
You pull open the doors to the lecture hall and find a seat right in the middle of the tiered rows. You set your coffee down and begin pulling out anything you think you may need for the morning. Your first two classes were back to back in the same room so that made it easy!
Your first class was rather boring, spent writing down a few notes and went by fairly quickly. You felt like you could actually get through this semester with very little hiccups.
.....
A few of your friends piled into the seats next to you for your second class. You all chatted mindlessly while discussing your class schedules. As the rest of the class shuffled into the room, your eyes looked around to see new and old faces.
Your gaze landed on a figure with his back to you. He had shoulder length brown hair that was ever so slightly naturally curled. A black velvet jacket hugged his top half with dark jeans and black boots to match on the bottom. He was having a conversation with the professor from your first class. You figured maybe it was a student that had some questions and you turned back to your laptop in front of you.
A loud clap from the front of the room made you jump and look to find the source. As you sipped your coffee, you inhaled a gasp and started coughing. Your eyes were wide as you made eye contact with the man that stood in your home just last night. Jacob.
His expression, however, remained calm and he smiled as he introduced himself. "Welcome, welcome. If you don't know me, I am Professor Oliver Reed. Those that know me well call me Jacob." His eyes dart up to you quickly before scanning the rest of the room. "But you may call me Professor. Welcome to-" he turns to write on the board behind him, "'Ancient Greek Mythology and Religion'."
You didn't take any notes during his entire lecture. You couldn't move other than following him as he walked around the room, wildly gesturing with his hands when he talked about what projects you would be working on.
Befofe you knew it, you were mindlessly packing up the rest of your belongings. The rest of your friends hurrying off to their next lectures. You had a few hours until your next set of classes. You glanced down to the front of the room and he had a book open with one of the students, pointing to specific points to note.
You noticed that you were the last one in the room to leave and you made your way down towards him at the podium. Just get this over with.
"Professor Reed," you cleared your throat. His focus is pulled to you as he tucks his hair behind his ear.
"Y/n," he whispers out in a breath. "I- I- didn't know that you were a student. My apologies. I understand if this is an uncomfortable situation for you."
"Jacob," you slip out before correcting yourself. "Sorry, Professor- Sir." You stammer. Your cheeks blushing at the name. "I, want to succeed in this class. I don't want our, um- I don't want that to affect my scores in this class."
He gives you a soft smile, "Y/n, I assure you that I will have an astute level of professionalism. My office hours are daily at 12-2pm. Unfortunately I have to run to my next lecture. We can continue this conversation with any concerns that you may have then. Again, my apologies." This side of him takes you back a little. A man living nearly two separate lives.
"Absolutely, thank you, Professor." You nod your understanding and turn to leave. Your breath is shakey and your legs feels wobbly under his gaze as you ascend the stairs.
The next few hours are a blur. You are jumping from class to class and finally feel like you have a moment to breathe by the time it hits 12pm. Shit. You haul yourself back to to the North side of campus in search for his office.
.....
Three quick knocks on his door. He stands up from his large desk that goes all the way to the floor and strides over to open the door wide. "Y/n, come in!" He closes the door lightly behind you after putting a sign on his door that says 'In a meeting'. You take a seat and he rounds his desk, quickly minimizing a few screens and pulling up a fresh blank document to type any notes on. Your eyes are glued to his open button up; the same necklaces around his neck. Your mind races back to two nights ago, his necklaces tickling your chest as he thrust into you.
"What can I help you with?" His voice cuts through your thoughts.
"Oh- I-," you sit there flustered. "I guess I'm a little confused. Oliver?" You question.
He sees that this is not about the first day of classes but more of clearing the air between the two of you. "Ahh, yes. Jacob is my first name, but professionally, I thought Oliver was a much better fit. Jacob Oliver Reed." He folds his hands on the desk in front of him.
You nod, pursing your lips and thinking. "Jacob, sorry, Professor-" he holds up a finger to stop you mid sentence.
"Y/n, I had an amazing night with you. Truly. Hell I would probably keep whatever this is...." he pauses, "-whatever this was going if you weren't a student. But for the sake of my job and professionalism, it cannot continue. I hope you understand that. I can assure you that you will be graded just as any of my other students. This won't affect you or your grade at all. But," he pauses, "you are more than welcome to call me Jacob outside of class. You did know me prior to this as Jacob."
You feel hurt. You knew this was bound to happen. You honestly couldn't think that he would want to still see you after realizing you were his student, right?
"Thank you, for the reassurance. I didn't know. I wouldn't have- I don't normally-" you fumble over your words. You want to smack your forehead with how he already has you flustered.
His smile makes you huff out a nervous laugh. "Y/n, I didn't think you were that type either. It was....a night of revelry."
.....
After about an hour of discussion and airing it all out, you announce that you have to head to your next class. You both stand and he follows you to the door. He places a hand on the doorknob, but before you leave, he is grabbing the back of your neck, smashing his lips against yours. You moan into his mouth. Grabbing his velvety black jacket, you pull him into you, feeling his hard cock against his jeans. His firm hands grab your waist tightly. Your hands wander to his throbbing length and stroke it a few times over his jeans. A breathy moan flowing from his mouth.
He breaks away from the kiss. "Fuck, sorry, I just can't get enough of you, Y/n. You're going to be trouble. Gonna send me straight to Hell." You are both panting. You place one small kiss on his lips with a wicked smile before grabbing the doorknob and pulling the door open. Leaving him hot and bothered in his doorway.
"Thank you, Professor." You shoot him a wink and are out of his sight in a moment.
He shuts the door behind him and braces himself against the wall. Pinching the bridge of his nose and shaking his head. Palming his hard cock through his jeans he grabs his phone out of his back pocket.
Jacob:
I just need to know if it's mutual.
You:
You can stop by tonight. Bring me dinner. And we can discuss more.
............
Author's note: this is exactly how I evision Professor Jake to look
............
Part 4
☆♡□ Message me to be added to the taglist: @vanfleeter @em-gvf01 @gvfpal @mama-likes72 @gvfmarge @ohgodthefeeling-gvf @lyndz2names @sanguinebats @ignite-my-fire @sparrowofrhiannon
#greta van fleet#gvf fanfiction#gvf#jake kiszka#greta van fleet smut#jake kiszka fanfic#jake kiszka smut
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So, I may be a day late, but I still want to make a little post for Simblr Gratitude Day 💜
To start off, my memory is pretty bad, so I just know I'm gonna miss tagging people... and honestly, there's way more people on here I'm grateful for than tumblr's limit of 50! So I'm starting out addressing everyone.
To everybody that likes or reblogs my posts, sends comments or asks, shares their sims with me, or uses my cc: I love you. Yes, you! I may be bad at answering back sometimes, but I cherish every interaction I get- a lot of the times they have me kicking my feet and giggling, or sometimes I'm barking and scaring my cat. Asks really make my day and even when I don't reply so fast, they warm my heart. Asks I've gotten on here have genuinely helped me in my dark times, and renewed my faith in this community as a whole, because some of you are just so freaking amazing and kind. Especially now with everything I've been going through, sims and being here has remained a comfort for me because of you all. Even if there's speed bumps from time to time, I truly believe there's more good here than bad, and y'all should be proud of yourselves and your capacity for endless kindness. Thank you!
Now, I'm going to address a few specific precious people I'm grateful for.
@wastelandwhisperer - Moon, my precious mom friend, I adore you. The joy, comfort, and hilarious memories you give me can't be understated. You deserve all the love and light in the world.
@neverheresims - God's eepiest soldier, what would I do without you? Thank you for always being genuine, reliable, and a true friend.
Vi - Thank you my sheriff, my paggro detector, my master of copypastas, my right hand catboy. Even though you're untraceable, I couldn't leave you out. I love you!
@divinedionym - Thanks for always being straight with me and taking NO shit. I truly admire you and your attitude, friend.
@dyoreos - We may not both be active at the same time anymore, but I still think of you, friend! You've always had my back and I'll always have yours.
@nucrests - I'm so grateful to be your friend, and every time you share your beautiful content and gorgeous sims with me, it really makes my day. I adore you.
@cinamun - You probably don't know this, but in certain times when I was feeling low, your comments and kindness really lifted my spirits and made me feel like I belong. You're a lovely person and deserve all the love you receive, friend.
@woosteru - You won't see this bc you're retired so I can be sappy as I want, so there!!! I adore you, your sweet personality, and your sense of humor that matches just right with mine. (Nobody tell them)
@superflare - Lulu, you're an incredibly creative and intelligent person. I can tell you're going to go far in life and do great for the world. Be proud of yourself, always!
@fiftymilehighclub - Thank you for always being yourself, Manda! You're such a hardworking person that's kind but firm with your opinions and what matters to you. You're amazing.
@nicatnite88 - Tay, you're someone that's always empathetic, understanding and kind, yet hilarious at the same time. I look up to you as a person and admire your skills as a parent.
@pluto-sims - What do I say about Eli? Despite being unfortunately bri*ish, you've exceeded expectations in all other areas as a friend. I genuinely appreciate your presence and kindness in my life.
@bloody-soda - As one of my longest and dearest mutuals, peachy, my love for you can't be understated! I think of you whenever I see cute meme pics lol and you're so lovely as a person.
@wubblesgonefishin - Beautiful wubs, you're such a wonderful person with so much love to give! My day brightens every time I speak with you and I'm so glad you're back.
@toastie-sim - Meg! One of my few brain cells, I don't know what I'd do without you! You're so helpful all the time and unbelievably patient. I appreciate you.
...Phewph. Now that that's o- wait. You thought I was done??? Nuh uh, the king of long ass texts posts is not done that fast. Here's some more beautiful people I'm grateful for and love seeing grace my dash 💜
@simandy @void-imp @therichantsim @adelarsims @marsosims @shysimblr @1-800-cuupid @xldkx @xiuminuwu @hexcodesims @cassymblr @lotusplum @rebelangelsims @denzellion @strawberrylattesims @anachrosims @cowplant-snacks @fierce-trait @simanin @ghostwoohoo @llama-head @aghilasims @janjumjam @jellyfish-tea @bbdoll @puppycheesecake @mwvwv-sims
#ceci speaks#nonsims#text#simblr gratitude day#im telling u i missed ppl and im sorry#but just know i love u all!!!
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we all saw how Steven was just entranced by Layla in the show 😭 so could you do a fic where he emotionally cheats on the reader, so when she finds out and confronts him he’s on his hands and knees begging her not to leave him, but she’s over him and leaves the apartment.
That’s all I got, you can’t choose the ending if you want
(Feel free to ignore if you’re not comfortable writing this)
The Mind Wanders
Pairing: Steven Grant x Reader
TW: Not completely sure, but the subject matter may trigger some people so I'm putting a warning in case because writing this fic did bring up shitty memories from a past toxic relationship.
(But pls don't feel bad abt requesting this anon, I loved writing it! It was so fun to create a story around your request, it really flexed my creative muscles to create a story with emotional depth like this. Also, I kinda played with the prompt a lil' bit, so she doesn't "find out" she knows, but she's in denial. I hope you're okay with that!)
Warning(s): ANGST. Emotional cheating, heartwarming fluff to cure your angsty pain <3 , Set in an AU before the events of the show, Third person, very minimal y/n use. Steven's redemption arc is told through his own POV.
Summary: you find out Steven's mind has been wandering. He's become quite entranced with another woman, and you won't stand for it. After you leave, Steven is determined to do anything, and everything to regain your trust.
Word count: 6.2k
Thank you, Anon for this request!!! <3
And credits to my dear friend Lina for helping me with this fic, and also being my proofreader. I had a little roadblock but she gave me amazing ideas for Steven's redemption arc :) her brain is amazing.
~~~~~~Enjoy!~~~~~~
You've been dating Steven long enough.
Long enough to know his tells.
Long enough to know he was lying when he said Layla was "just a friend" to him.
And that's how you got to where you are right now. Sitting at a bar downtown, drinking your feelings away.
Earlier...
You and Steven were at a coffee shop for a late afternoon coffee and tea that you suggested, just to get out of the house for a little. He was currently talking about the cutest kid that had shown up at his work.
"She was quite literally dressed as Sekhmet, and she was telling me about how she wanted to be a doctor!" Steven explained animatedly.
You smiled at the thought.
"She was absolutely adorable, I'll tell you that." He said before taking a sip of his tea.
"Yeah I'll bet she was," you chuckled.
Suddenly the bell on the coffee shop door rang and you noticed Steven immediately became attentive and sat straight up, staring at the person who just walked in.
Confused, you turned to see who it was and your face quickly turned emotionless with a hard stare. You turned back to Steven after seeing who it was.
"H-Hey, Layla!" Steven said, calling out to her name and waving.
Layla's head turned and her eyes lit up as she noticed Steven, promoted to make her way to our table.
"Oh, hey Steven!" she said with a bright smile.
You watched Steven's face, he gave her a crooked smile and blush painted his cheeks.
When Layla noticed you, she smiled kindly and greeted you as well, "Hi y/n".
You eyed Steven’s fiddling fingers, nearly forgetting to answer, doing your best to chalk his behavior up to the crowded atmosphere.
"Hey Layla" you replied, making sure to perfectly hide your discomposed state behind a small smile.
"What brings you here Layla?" Steven asked.
"I was just in the neighborhood for some archeology stuff and I saw this place, so I thought I'd stop in and grab some coffee," she explained.
"Interesting, what kind of archeology stuff?" Steven asked, looking at her as if she was the goddess Isis herself.
"Well, there were some old Egyptian artifacts recently dug up at a cemetery, so they've called for me to take them and bring them back to Egypt." She seemed excited about her task.
Steven, on the other hand, looked like someone had just kicked a puppy in front of him.
You felt like grabbing him and running out of the store with him, but of course, that would be childish, so you kept your mouth shut.
"Wait, you're going to Egypt? For how long?" Steven asked with a frown.
"A week." she said.
"Well, when are you leaving?" Steven asked, his disappointment showing through even as he tried to hide it.
"I've got a flight this Saturday actually, gotta take that Sunday to recover from the flight" she laughed.
Before Steven could say anything else, because he practically looked like he was about to beg her to take him with her, you spoke up.
"Wow, Layla that's so great! I'm really excited for you, I know you love Egypt." you said supportively.
She smiled gratefully.
"I love Egypt too!" Steven interjected, causing your jaw to clench.
Layla giggled, causing Steven to look like he just won the jackpot.
"Yeah, I do love Egypt, I'm glad to be going back. Thanks y/n" she said kindly.
You nodded in acknowledgment, your jaw still locked, afraid that if you opened your mouth your emotions would blow up at Steven.
"Well I've got to go, but it was nice to see you both, I'll see you around," she waved at both of you before getting in line to order her coffee.
You both waved back, Steven admittedly way more animated than you, watching Layla go to the counter to order her coffee.
"Oh she's just the best isn't she? Wow, Egypt!" He exclaimed, turning back to his tea.
"Yeah, it's really cool." you said half-heartedly.
But of course, Steven didn't seem to notice anything was wrong at all, and he continued to talk about Egypt and Layla the rest of the time you were there.
You didn't hate Layla, you knew it wasn't her fault that Steven seemed to be entranced by her. Hell, she seemed as oblivious to Steven's feelings as he was to yours.
Steven had met Layla last month, when she was visiting the museum he worked at, checking out the artifacts in the ancient Egyptian exhibit. Steven introduced her to you that very same day and it didn't bother you at first, how much he talked about her. You knew he was just happy he found someone who shared his interest in ancient Egypt, you were even happy for him. On the rare occasion you three hung out, she was a great friend to you as well. But then you started to see the signs.
The way he would have stars in his eyes when he talked to her, or even about her. The way that whenever he looked at her, he looked at her like she was the only person on earth. When he listened to her speak, he was hanging onto every single word she said.
He never explicitly cheated, of course, Steven would never do that, he wouldn't even hurt a fly. At least not with intention.
He was still charming towards you and the two of you acted like a couple. There was never anything wrong, even physically.
But whenever Layla came into the mix, you became a third wheel.
The two of you left the coffee shop eventually, the sun was setting and there was a chill of winter breeze though the streets of London.
You walked together back to Steven's flat, which you had been living in for around two months now.
You smiled fondly as Steven talked in the background while you remembered the day he asked you to move in with him. It was on your 10-month anniversary, he had been so nervous he was practically shaking. You remember thinking it was a bit fast to move in, but then again,
It was Steven.
so of course you said yes.
He was still your Steven. You turned to him and smiled as he glanced at you, holding your hand with the cutest smile on his face.
The two of you took the elevator up to his flat and you entered together, Steven closing the door behind you, and locking it.
"So what would you like for dinner, lovely?" He asked, pressing a kiss to your cheek before moving to the kitchen.
"Hmmm, I don't know, surprise me." You said teasingly.
"Will do, one special surprise dinner coming right up!" Steven said excitedly, getting to work in the kitchen.
You giggled at how adorable he was as you hung your scarf up with your coat.
"Sit down and relax, I'll do all the work, don't you worry!" Steven moved, putting a pot of water on the stove to boil.
"Alright Mr.Grant, I'll be waiting right here on the couch." You smiled, taking your shoes off and plopping down on the couch.
He looked at you with a huge smile before turning back to grab some things out of the fridge.
You smiled and turned on Netflix to watch your current favorite show.
About 1 episode in, Steven was finally finished with dinner.
"Alright, your special surprise dinner is ready!" He called, waving you over with his hand.
"Ooooo let's see what we have here" you wiggled your fingers after getting up from the couch and turning the tv off.
"Et Voilà!" Steven presented the plates to you.
"Wowww! Spaghetti and meatballs, real fancy!" You mockingly made fun.
"Yeah, but I bet it's the best spaghetti and meatballs you'll ever taste!" He chided.
"Well I'll be the judge of that." You joked, walking toward the table that was by the stove.
Steven moved to sit across from you. He watched you carefully as you got a slice of meatball before wrapping the spaghetti around the fork and bringing it to your mouth.
You chewed in silence for a little bit, hiding your reaction to how good it tasted.
"So? How is it?" Steven asked nervously.
"Mmmm" you looked up at the ceiling, finger to your chin, pretending to think.
He looked at you with hopeful eyes and you couldn't help the smile that broke your insightful thinking face.
"Steven, it's absolutely delicious." You said with a cheeky smile.
His face lit up into a wondrous smile and your heart melted.
"Wow, I'm so glad you like it!" He said before digging into his own plate.
The two of you continued dinner with some light small talk in between bites until you heard Steven's phone ding with a text notification.
You immediately recognized the different text tone and your soft smile disappeared as Steven immediately stuck his hand in his pocket and fetched his phone out.
He unlocked it and his eyes grew into big circles and he smiled.
"Wow Layla just sent me a picture of a gold scarab beetle that was found at the cemetery!" Steven excitedly texted Layla back.
You stared at him in silence as you watched him grinning, followed by a chuckle, and more texting.
Your eyes glanced at his half eaten plate of food and your rage started to boil over.
You couldn't take it anymore.
You threw your fork onto your plate, the silverware clanging loudly, causing Steven to jump and stare at you with wide eyes and a frown.
"Love?" He asked softly as he watched your face cautiously.
"Steven, I can't do this anymore." You told him seriously.
"Do what?" He asked, alarm quickly spreading across his features.
"This. With you. Us." You said.
"Wha- Why!?" He exclaimed.
"Steven, you don't see me! I'm right here, and you can't even see me!" You yelled exasperatedly.
"What do you mean!? I see you!" He said, desperately trying to understand what you meant.
He reached for your hand but you swiped it away from him and got up from the table abruptly.
Steven flinched before standing as well.
"No you don't Steven. All you see is Layla." You said bitterly.
Tears burned your eyes as they threatened to spill, the words you had been thinking for months finally coming out of your mouth, and you held back those hot angry tears as you listened to them as if you were outside of your own body.
"Wha- I- no!" Steven denied, stuttering between you and his phone.
"Yes you do. I'm sitting here eating dinner with you and you're texting Layla. We're at the coffee shop, you see Layla, and she's all you can talk about. We could be having a random conversation, and you will bring up Layla!" You let out in frustration.
He stared at you dumbly and that made you even more angry.
You made your way to the door quickly, when Steven tried to grab your hand, you looked at him with a deadly stare and he took a firm hold on your arm.
"Let. Go. Of. Me." You said sharply.
"Lovey, please. You're making a mistake!" He begged.
You snatched your arm out of his hands and glared at him.
"Trust me I'm not, and don't fucking call me that anymore. I'm not going to stay in a relationship that I'm not appreciated in. You're already acting like you're dating Layla, so you might as well make it official." Your words laced with venom.
Steven flinched again and you continued,
"I tried to ignore it for so long, but I can't ignore it any longer Steven. I can't ignore the fact that you make me feel invisible!" You vocalized your rage, causing your words to crack near the end. You turned on your heel, putting your jacket and scarf on.
"Y/n please!" Steven sobbed, and you turned around, shocked to see him on his hands and knees.
"Steven get up!" You exclaimed.
No matter how angry you were at him, it broke your heart seeing him like this.
He sat up onto his knees and put his hands into the prayer position, looking up at you with tears in his eyes.
"Please don't go! Please, I promise Layla is just a friend! Y/n please, I need you, I-I can't lose you!" He begged through his tears.
Your heart felt like it was shattering into a million pieces.
You turned back around, no longer able to look at him and you reached your hand out, gripping the door handle.
"No! No no no no y/n please don't go! Give me one more chance! I'll be better!" Steven said, fully sobbing at this point.
You gripped the door handle tighter and shut your eyes tightly without giving another glance, only able to think of all the times Steven had made you feel less important than Layla.
You opened your eyes as you opened the door, hearing his sobs, pleas, and shuddering breaths grow louder.
"I'm sorry Steven, but we're over." You said coldly before you walked out the door, slamming it behind you.
You quickly sped down the hallway and got into the elevator.
When the door closed your fully tensed body sagged and you held your head in your hands and sighed deeply.
You wiped your face before opening the Uber app and calling a car.
Presently...
So yeah. That's why you're currently on your 4th drink, looking down into your cup as if it was the most interesting thing on the planet.
Your mind wandered back to Steven, the imagine of him begging you not to leave while on his hands and his knees.
You shut your eyes painfully and shook your head.
There was a time where you believed that Steven could never hurt you. His warm, innocent eyes and gentle, nervous touches made you feel safe.
You opened your eyes and scoffed at your foolishness.
He had just been too good to be true, and you should have seen it.
You glanced at your phone,
Dammit it was getting late, but your stuff was at Steven's apartment, and there was no way in hell you were going back there.
Your eyes lit up as you remembered you kept some stuff over at your best friends Rachel and Chloe's house due to your frequent sleepovers.
You went into your contacts and dialed Chloe's number.
"Hey babes, It's been a while!" Chloe said when she picked up.
You smiled softly at the sound of her Glaswegian accent through the phone.
"Hey chlo' do you think I can stay with you and Rae for a little bit?" You said sadly, embarrassed to even be asking.
"Of course love! RAE! GET THE GUEST ROOM READY, Y/N IS STAYING OVER!" You heard her scream.
"Thanks so much Chloe" you chuckled.
"Of course, you're always welcome here!" She exclaimed.
"And one more thing?" You whispered sheepishly.
"Sure," she said, egging you on to continue speaking.
"Can you come pick me up from the bar downtown that we usually go to? I'm kiiiiinda drunk." You asked, apologetic.
"Oh god, we'll be there in 5" Chloe replied before hanging up.
You snorted and let your head fall against the bar, waiting for them to come pick you up.
You lifted your head for a second to pay and tip the bartender, before you laid your head back down after letting the bartender know you were waiting for your friends to come pick you up.
He took your money, thanked you for the tip, and nodded in acknowledgement, telling you to get home safe then moved on to serve another customer.
Chloe and Rae texted you when they arrived in front of the bar and you stumbled out.
You opened the door, and collapsed into the seat before shutting the door behind you.
You threw your head back and groaned.
"Jesus you look like absolute shit." Rae said, turning around in her seat to look at you.
"Did something happen with Steven?" Chloe asked, acknowledging you through the rear view mirror.
"Just drive," you groaned.
You told them what had happened with Steven during the car ride and they listened sympathetically.
"I told you to break up with him sooner, he's a proper bag of shit." Rae said.
You shook your head and sighed, going quiet for the rest of the ride. Your friends respected your silence.
When you got to their house, they brought you to your room and you noticed they left you a fresh set of clean pajamas to wear.
"God, I love you guys!" You yelled through the door.
"Yup!" You heard Chloe say and you giggled before changing your clothes.
When you came out of the room you saw 3 small tubs of ice cream with 3 different colored spoons in them on the coffee table in front of the tv, Chloe and Rae beacons you over to the couch.
You plopped down in between them and pulled them into a group hug.
"I fuckin love you guys, you know that right?" You said sincerely.
"Yeah we know." Rae teased, causing the three of you to chuckle.
"Now what are we watching!" Chloe announced once the three of you pulled away from the hug.
....
The next couple of days were rough, but you got through them. You had gone back to Steven's apartment while he was at work and gathered some clothes and your important things. You'd come back for the other stuff later.
Steven surprisingly did not try to contact you but you did notice his flat seemed to be even more messy than usual. You also noted the several crumpled-up sheets of paper that you were pretty sure you knew the contents of. You shook your head sadly, trying not to feel bad for him. He was the one who hurt you, and the best thing for you now was to just move on and heal from it.
You grabbed your car keys, locked the door behind you and picked the boxes up before taking them back into your car, driving back to your temporary residence.
You silently cursed yourself for selling your old flat, but you couldn't keep paying rent for a place you didn't even live at. You thought you and Steven were in it for the long haul.
You got back to Chloe and Rae's place and brought the boxes to your room.
You sat on your bed with a sigh and started unpacking.
Steven's Pov
Steven walked into his flat and sighed at its emptiness. He missed seeing you smile at him and get up from your laptop to greet him and give him a kiss.
It had been approximately a week since you had stormed out of his apartment. He removed his coat and after placing his work bag down, he paused for a second to look around before he realized...
You had been here while he was at work, and took most of your stuff with you.
Tears started to well up in his eyes once again.
He took his shoes off and walked over to his bed with his shoulders sagged, then stepped over the ring of sand so he could lay down.
He remembered the first time you came to his apartment. He had thought of so many excuses to tell you when you would inevitably ask about the sand around his bed, as well as the ankle restraint.
When you finally set foot into his apartment, he went into full panic mode and started a word vomit.
You had stopped him before his head exploded and said you didn't care about anything weird he did because it didn't define him. You didn't care if he had a sleeping condition, or if there were books covering every possible surface of his flat. You promised him that day, you would never judge him.
He stared at his ceiling as the tears rolled down the side of his eyes and into his hairline.
You had always seen him, and you had made him feel that way.
Seen.
He thought back to what you said the day you left:
"Steven, you don't see me! I'm right here, and you can't even see me!"
His eyes were blurry as more tears welled up.
He hated himself for making you feel that way, he couldn't believe he didn't see he was hurting you.
He scoffed at himself,
it's been a week and he's still crying over you.
He sat up, wiping his eyes.
He looked around again and remembered the whole week it had taken for you and Steven to clean up his flat so it could be in the state that it was currently in.
You had told him to stop apologizing over 50 times as the two of you organized all his books so they were no longer scattered over every surface.
You had done so much for Steven without him ever even asking.
His heart ached as he glanced at the empty space in his bed where you used to sleep, right next to him every night.
He hadn't bothered to contact you in fear of you blocking him.
His phone buzzed and he quickly checked it desperately to see if you texted him.
It was Layla.
He frowned and put his phone back down, not bothering to check her text.
He hadn't meant to make it seem like he was interested in Layla, she was just the first person he ever met that shared his interest in the things he was most passionate about.
You didn't happen to be as passionate, but you also shared Steven's interests in Ancient Egyptian mythology. In fact that was how the two of you met, at the museum.
Almost the same exact way as how he met Layla.
His heart felt heavy, here he was, comparing the two of you. He was such a bloody knob.
You deserved so much better.
He could be better.
He furrowed his brows,
but how was he supposed to tell you or show you that?
He had no clue where you were even staying because he remembered you told him you sold your flat after you moved in with him.
Guilt wracked his whole body.
He thought hard about hotels in the area-
Wait.
Your best friends!
Steven grabbed his phone and checked his texts between the two of you.
He scrolled up until he saw you mention them, you had asked him to pick you up from their house when you were drunk.
He blushed heavily as he remembered what happened that night after he picked you up.
There, you had sent him the address!
He copied the address from your text and input it into his GPS.
You were staying only a couple miles from him.
The next day, Steven put on his best button up and went to the shop. He bought a stuffed animal Paddington the bear since he remembered Paddington was your favorite movie, also the reason you moved to London. He also bought a small bag of your favorite chocolates.
As Steven made his way to your current residence at your friend's place, he kept going over what he planned to say to you.
When the Uber finally arrived he was shocked out of his thoughts when the driver announced they had arrived at his destination.
He thanked them and got out, grabbing the gifts and clutching them tightly as he stared at the house that you were hopefully in.
He felt sweaty but he was determined to show you he changed.
He made his way up to the house and gingerly knocked on the door.
One of your friends opened the door.
…Which one was this?
Right, Chloe!
"H-Hello Chloe, is y/n here?" He said looking past her, trying to see inside the house.
She glared at him and covered the open space with the door, blocking his view.
"No, she's not actually, and even if she was, she doesn't want to see you anymore, so don't come here again." She said, whispering angrily at him.
Steven frowned.
"Who's at the door Chlo'?" Steven heard the sound of your melodic voice hit Steven's ears and he perked up, his eyes widening.
"It's NO ONE, just a salesman," Chloe replied, making sure Steven knew he was not welcome.
"Don't come back here again Steven, or you'll regret it." she whisper-snapped to him again.
"Why'd you say 'no one' like that?" Steven heard you say before Chloe shut the door in his face.
Steven deflated and sighed.
He would have to think of something else.
Your pov
"Because, it was no one, now get back to writing, or whatever you're doing. That's what you do for your job right?" she said, dismissing you.
"Okay mom!" you relented, rolling your eyes.
She went to the bathroom to get ready for work, and you quickly put your laptop down and ran to the window to see who was at the door.
Your heart dropped to your stomach as you saw Steven, walking dejectedly down the street holding a teddy bear and what you could tell was a bag of your favorite chocolates.
Alright, maybe it was better Chloe didn't let you talk to him, what would you even say to him?
Even the thought of talking to Steven was too painful for you so you shoved it down and went back to writing.
....
A few days later, you were on your laptop getting some work done. You started to feel hungry, so you decided to grab a snack. Chloe and Rae were both at work, but they would be home in one-two hours, and you would all have dinner together.
Rae promised she was bringing home burgers and fries tonight so you didn't have to cook.
To say you were excited was an understatement.
You carefully gathered the ingredients to make yourself a quesadilla.
You hummed to your current favorite song that's been stuck in your head for a while now as you prepared your food.
Once you were done, you cleaned up after yourself and took your food to your bedroom to eat it. (Chloe and Rae didn't need to know)
You were sitting up against the headboard, scrolling through your phone when you heard a knock at the window.
Your heart was beating in your chest as you heard it again, more rapidly and you turned to look at the window.
There was a shadow of a person behind the curtain.
You slowly put your plate on the side table and grabbed scissors out of a jar with pencils and pens.
You held it in a stabbing position as you made your way towards the window slowly, terror gripping your heart, while the person on the other side rapidly banged their knuckles against the window.
You breathed in slowly and closed your eyes before opening them and quickly pulling the curtain away and raising the scissors in a stabbing motion.
Your eyes widened and you gasped as you saw Steven hanging on for dear life to the side ledges of the window.
You quickly dropped the scissors and opened the window.
"Steven what the fuck!? how did you even get up here?" you shouted, staring at him in shock.
"Well, I did climb up the pipeline but In retrospect that was a terrible idea once I got this far up to your window." he said, looking at you in fear.
He looked down at his feet trying to secure his footing but his foot slipped and he wobbled, his eyes going fully round.
"Oh shi-!" He said, losing his balance,
before he could fall backward your reflexes kicked in and you grabbed his arm pulling him inside your room, causing him to topple inside and on top of you.
You both stared at each other with wide eyes as he was on all fours, hands and legs on either side of your head and body.
Your breathing slowed and you found yourself getting lost in Steven's round puppy dog eyes as the shock wore off.
You suddenly became hyperaware of the position you were in and your body heated up as you started to blush heavily, you noticed the same happened to Steven.
"Oh, uhhh, lemme just-" you started rambling and shifting and he mumbled some words of an apology as he scrambled to get off of you.
Once you got up, you stood a couple steps away from Steven and stared at him as he took the backpack he was wearing off.
You just watched him silently as he took out the same stuffie of paddington and bag of chocolates from the other day.
He held them out to you and stared at you, silently pleading you to take them.
You did, placing them on your bed.
Steven shuffled nervously on his feet and you crossed your arms with furrowed brows.
"Steven, I just, I have so many questions." You said angrily.
He opened his mouth to speak but you cut him off.
"One, why are you here? Two, how did you even know this was my room? And three, how did you know I was even in here?" You asked, exasperatedly.
You could see from his face that a million different thoughts were running through his head before he spoke up.
"Okay, well, I'm here because I need to talk to you. I knew this was your room and you were in here because I came here another time. And I waited till Chloe and Rachel went to work so I could actually talk to you, then I tried to knock on the door but Chloe forgot her bag and came back so I hid, then l heard the two of you talking because the window was open and Chloe said "well, this is your room" and I knew you were in here today because I saw you close the curtains when I got here." He quickly jumbled all of his answers together.
"Oh, and I didn't come through the door because... well... I wanted to surprise you. You know, be all romantic and stuff." He added sheepishly.
You just stared at him appalled.
"A-And I know I probably sound insane!" he said quickly after seeing your reaction.
"Yeah, you do. And you need to leave Steven." You said pointedly.
"No y/n! you need to understand, I did this all for you! because I can't live without you!" he tried explaining desperately.
Your hardened expression softened a bit but you stayed quiet.
Steven looked relieved when he noticed you let him speak, and he cleared his throat to look at you.
"y/n I'm so sorry I hurt you and made you feel the way I did. I didn't mean to, honestly! I was just so excited when I met Layla because she was an archeologist and she was interested in ancient Egypt and she's passionate about it just like me. So excited that I might have been too blind to see how I was hurting you. I'm so sorry that I ever made you feel unseen. I could never love Layla like I love you. These past few weeks without you have been hell. The flat feels so cold and empty. I smell your perfume on the sheets but you're not there when I go to bed or wake up. Your smile used to make my whole world shine and it's been dark ever since you left. And I know you deserve way better than me, I was a total knob, but if you will have me back y/n, I promise, for the rest of my life, I will make it my mission, to make you feel happy every day, even on the worst days. And feel free to tell me to bugger off, I'll understand and I'll never contact you again I promise. You know, if you love someone let them go, and all that."
The whole time he spoke he was looking into your eyes until his last two sentences. He was hoping so desperately that you would hear, see, and feel the sincerity in his words. You could tell. Honestly, you were just surprised he didn't stutter that entire time. But you could tell by the fact that he couldn't look at you when he said it, how painful it was for him to think you could reject him.
Again, you had dated long enough,
Long enough to know his tells,
Long enough to know he was telling the truth about everything he told you just now.
And you knew he was willing to accept the fact that he could lose you.
For you.
He was still the same puppy-eyed man who came up behind you to explain the hieroglyphs on a pillar you were looking at, just to impress you.
He was still the man who apologized to his fish when he bumped into the tank.
He was still, your Steven.
you looked down and your feet and let out a small chuckle at your thoughts.
When you looked back up at Steven, you saw he was positively beaming.
"God I've missed that beautiful melody." He said softly, tears forming in his eyes.
You smiled, your own tears forming as he walked closer to you, slowly.
You smiled, two streaks running down your face as you noticed his tears fall from his eyes.
When he stood directly in front of you, he put one hand on your cheek and held it there. His touch was so fragile, as though he thought if he held you too hard, you might break.
"Can I hug you?" He asked softly.
You nodded and he wrapped his arms around you.
You reciprocated the hug, slowing your breathing, trying to control your tears.
Steven hurt you, and he realized his mistake, nearly too late. But here he was now. doing everything in his power to rectify his mistake, promising you that he would never make you feel that way ever again. Shit, he almost fell from the 2nd floor trying to apologize.
You squeezed him tighter, and he squeezed you back.
"Thank you Steven" you whispered.
When the two of you slowly pulled away from each other, your tears finally stopped, and so had Steven's.
He wiped your tears away gently.
"Don't thank me y/n, I shouldn't have given myself a reason to apologize in the first place." He said with his hands still cupping your face.
After a beat of silence, he finally spoke up.
"So does this mean you'll move back in with me?" Steven asked hopefully.
You laughed, causing a smile to spread across Steven's face.
"Just shut up and kiss me." grabbing his face, you pressed your lips to his.
He gladly shut up and kissed you back, melting into you, you even felt his body press closer to you. You felt the dried tears on his cheeks against your face.
When you pulled away, you were both slightly panting for air, and Steven pressed his forehead to yours, holding your hands in his.
You both closed your eyes and stayed like that for a while.
When the two of you pulled away from each other you turned, looking at the things he bought you.
You held his hand and led him to your bed, sitting down next to them.
You picked up the bear and smiled at it.
"You remembered how much I love Paddington." you said, turning to look at him.
He smiled fondly at you and nodded.
"The little bear that brought you to me."
Your heart practically melted.
You put the Paddington bear down and picked up the bag of chocolates.
"And you remembered my favorite" you grinned at him, holding up the bag.
"Of course, I can never forget the beautiful noises you make every time you eat one of those." he said, blushing immediately after he said it.
"You felt your face heat up as well and you hid your face in your hands, smiling sheepishly.
You felt his hands gently grab your hands to move them away from your face.
You felt yourself get lost in Steven's eyes, the color of them matching your favorite chocolate. Reminding you that coincidentally, Steven had the power to make those same noises come from your mouth.
You were so close you could feel Steven's breath on your lips.
Suddenly you heard the door open and you both jumped back from each other.
"y/n!!!" you heard Chloe call your name, dragging it out.
"We're home! and we bought the food!" you heard Rae say excitedly.
"Shit!" you jumped up from the bed, causing Steven to the same.
"Okay, okay uhhhhh" you said quickly looking around.
"I'll talk to them first, so they don't jump you, and then I'll call you downstairs, okay?" you said quickly with your hands on his shoulders.
"Okay, I got it." Steven nodded.
"Alright great" you said rushing to open the door.
"Y/n!" Steven whisper-yelled your name causing you to pause and turn around.
"Yeah?" you whisper-yelled back.
"I love you." He reminded with a small smile.
You almost physically melted at his cuteness.
"I love you too."
You closed the door softly as you heard Chloe call your name again as she looked for you.
“Coming!”
#steven grant x you#steven grant#moon knight fanfic#layla el faouly#steven grant x y/n#steven grant x reader#fluff#angst!!!#lots of emotions tbh#Sorry this took so long anon!#I hope you like it!#My longest fic ever actually#anon#fanfic request#fanfiction#fanfic#oscar isaac fanfiction#oscar isaac characters#ugh this was so fun to write
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L Lawliet x Bipolar! Reader Headcanons
I know I said Aizawa would get the next fic and he will, I've just been unmotivated lately because of my depressive episode and homework is kicking my ass. That fic is in my drafts right now and will be completed soon. For now, here's this.
I hardly find any content with characters and mentally ill readers, especially with characters who are considered emotionally strong, like L and Aizawa. I needed this and I hope it helps somebody else, too.
Warnings: Sfw, mentally ill reader, bipolar disorder (I'm type 1 so this may relate better to type 1 people, though I hope it can resonate with type 2 people as well), mania, depression, psychotic symptoms (hallucinations and delusions), medication, protective L, L monitors you via cameras and tracking devices, L calls reader "love" (if you couldn't tell I'm a sucker for pet names), I used personal experiences when explaining reader's psychosis; it's interchangeable to whatever your unique delusions/hallucinations are.
Honestly, your diagnosis doesn't intimate L. While he hasn't exactly engrossed himself in mental health research, he's very knowledgeable in psychology
Your symptoms don't surprise him or make him uncomfortable, and he's actually well receptive of them.
Though admittedly he finds himself a little lost when you're in a manic episode. He's not freaked out, but getting a word out of edgewise with you is challenging. He follows along as best as he can.
Insomnia is something he's well acquainted with himself, so if you can't manage to sleep for a few days he'll be at your side. He'll definitely try to encourage you to take a sleep aid, but if you're stubborn he'll concede and just hang around to monitor you.
He's actually protective when you're in a heavy episode. Sure, he trusts that you have autonomy over yourself, but he also needs to make sure you're safe. So he'll track your whereabouts when you're gone and will sneak cameras into your residence so he can check up on you.
Even if you're good about keeping track of your medication, he'll occasionally make sure you have. Simple reminders like, "Have you taken your medication today, love?" If you're not with him in person he'll text you.
Honestly, because he's so analytical, sometimes he can't help but feel intrigued by your episodes. He knows that every person with bipolar disorder is different, and so paying attention to how your condition affects you, in particular, is interesting to him.
Depressive episodes are harder for him than manic ones, surprisingly. He wants to keep you engaged and present, but when you're stubbornly depressed it's hard for him to know what to do. He gets creative, often asking you to join him for sweets or go shopping. Anything to get you moving.
When you lie in bed all day, that arches him the most. As someone whose brain is always on the go, he's sure that you doing absolutely nothing but sulk has to be painful. Sometimes he'll come and lie beside you for a while and try to conversate with you.
As strong and collected as L is, he's no stranger to depression and hyperactivity either. Maybe he's not bipolar, but he can relate to constantly being on the go. His depression only really comes about when he feels hopeless about an investigation. He understands being unmotivated when it seems like nothing is going your way.
Seeing you cry is when he becomes the most complacent. This is tricky for him, he's not used to such a strong emotional response. He doesn't really know what to do or how to make you feel better. He wants to cure it and even just tell you to not cry, but unfortunately, it's not as simple as that. He knows that.
The only thing he can really do is hold you, or just be in your presence if that makes you more comfortable. But admittedly, he is very uncomfortable when the waterworks come out. L isn't inept at reassuring support, but being emotionally intelligent isn't his expertise.
He'll offer you some sweets to make you feel better. He's trying.
L's very in tune with your early warning signs. He's usually the first one to predict if an episode is approaching. He's studied your behavior so well that even the slightest sign of symptoms is apparent to him. He'll conduct some proactive measures to help if he can, though he doesn't want to seem like your psychiatrist or anything. If you use substances, he'll encourage you to go easy with them. He'll also encourage a better sleep routine (funny, coming from him).
One thing about L that makes him an excellent support, is that he's not scared of your symptoms. He realizes that medication is only a management strategy for bipolar disorder, not a cure. He's not going to lecture you on upping your dose or make you ashamed of your symptoms. It doesn't have to be a bad thing if you can manage it. He's a busy guy, so there's only so much he can do, but he'll help.
His main strategy is distraction, and his other is communication. If you need to talk about your symptoms, or even just ramble while you're manic, he'll listen (mostly. Your manic rants can be overwhelming sometimes).
When you're getting especially excitable he'll try to ground you with an activity; chess, maybe. Something that requires your brain to slow down and become more methodical. For your depression, his go-to for you is physical activity, like tennis. The endorphins help cope with depression and can give you some rewarding feelings.
Psychosis is one that he wasn't prepared for. He knew it could be a symptom of bipolar disorder but wasn't aware of the intensity. So when you came to him nervously asking who was watching all the cameras and if he had sent international government organizations to kidnap you, he was confused.
Then you started telling him about how you were the only person who has ever existed and everybody else was an extension of yourself, and he started getting it.
Delusions are tricky for him because ultimately he can't change your mind, but he does want to make sure that he can ground you as much as he can.
The cameras are an issue. He puts them everywhere, but because they are a huge source of anxiety for you when you're in psychosis, he has to figure out a way to monitor you but also not make you feel like you're in danger. He may even lie to you about there being no cameras but has actually put them in places you wouldn't expect them to be in. It's for your safety, he tells himself. If you're insistent that there are cameras everywhere even after his lying, he'll try to at least have you understand that the only one watching them is him and it's because he loves you and wants to make sure you're ok. That's the truth.
Hallucinations, he gets. He's even had them himself when he goes many many days without sleeping (also remember episode 25. And before y'all tell me that he lied about the "bells", I don't care and I could write a post about it but that's not what this post is for). He's quick to notice you turning your head behind you, or when he's talking to you and you'll be looking beside his head. He'll ask questions about it.
His busy schedule can make this hard for him to balance, but trust that you are not a burden. He wouldn't still be here if you were. He loves you and just wants you to be safe.
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🧡Oh hey there!🧡
Welcome to ✨my blog✨. I'm Rae and I'm just trying my best here. My main topic here is Steddie and Stranger Things all around. I have completely spiraled and hyper fixated on it since Volume 1, and it's been consuming my brain ever since. This post is mainly to say hi!, let you know a few things and give you access to my main posts.
Let this be known as a safe space (especially for the LGBTQ+ community) and I will not tolerate hate. This is a place for kindness and creativity.
I love making friends so feel free to message me, or send me prompts! 🥰
Some of my writing does involve mature themes, so keep that in mind while scrolling. I am 24, and despite feeling like I'm stuck at 16 some days, I am an adult. So please proceed with caution when necessary. I will try my best to properly tag things.
If you want to check out my work on ao3, which has a mix of stuff from tumblr and new stuff, you can click here.
Here is the masterlist of my fics so far! *updated 7/26/23 completely, in process of update 4/26/24
Series:
Father Figures (completed and available on ao3)
pt. 1
pt. 2
I wonder if you look both ways (When you cross my mind) 🐝･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･✦ʚɞ (ongoing)
pt. 1
pt. 2
Tattooed Steve (ongoing)
pt. 1
pt. 2
The Long Con (ongoing) (available on ao3)
pt. 1
pt. 2
Sibling Adventures of El and Steve (ongoing)
(still steddie heavy, and can be read stand-alone, not majorly connected)
Dad's going to be angry
Sleep Demon
Quality Time
more el and steve
✧˖°.AO3 FICS✧˖°.
Craved Oblivion Series (Hunger Games AU) *ongoing*
A Martyr's Lullaby *completed*
tbd
tbd
Better Late than Never (Just Don't Make Me Wait Forever)
But You'll Have This Place to Call Home, Always
Father Figures
The Long Con *ongoing*
Huggin' and a-kissin', dancin' and a-lovin'
One Shots:
Say "I love you" before you go
Father's Day
Good Morning
Is This Okay?
First Kiss
“You Hurt Me” (real title pending)
Take the Crisis Back
Emergency Kiss
Deja Vu
Drugs are Kicking in
Eavesdropping
Placeholders
Celebrate Softly
After the Beep
Track 7
Birthday Parties and Secret Signals
(these are more popular ones/or really recent ones I have too many to list! There are plenty more in my blog if you’re curious. Most should be tagged with #mywriting or #writingprompts)
I also have plenty of writing prompts, as my brain runs a mile a minute, and I adore it when people feel inspired by my writing so feel free to explore.
I hope you enjoy! Get comfy and stay awhile :)
Things I would like to note: Homophobia, Transphobia, Sexism, Racism, etc. are absolutely not tolerated here. As stated earlier the idea is to create a safe space for everyone. If I or anyone that interacts with my blog upsets you, please don't feel shy to message me. My asks (with anon) and messages are open, even if it's just to chat (also keep in mind once again I am an adult). Don't bully the children either, they are just trying their best. Please and thank you. 💖
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Ep 48 Pt 1: Just Me Thinking too Much About the Shape of Obelisk's Ass
Got swamped by work stuff and sick stuff pushing my stupid fatigue to 11 but hell I need to write about Yugioooooh.
Last we left off, Isis and Shimon died in order to get Pharaoh back the puzzle so he could pull out the spicy god cards.
And I need to discuss butt plate.
(read more about Obelisk's ass under the cut)
I know that Obelisk probably never does a big sitty at any point of his day, but considering I have chronic fatigue now and I just big sitty all the time, I think about sitting a LOT. Like a LOT.
Anywhere this man sits down is destroyed. Like anywhere. He's got a gardening hoe for a rear end. This man could kill you with his butt in a way that's just way more devastating than his fists.
Why does this exist? Like have we EVER seen the back of a god card before? Like ever? It's fascinating, and parts of me wonder if whoever was doing this episode started sweating bullets when they realized "Does Obelisk have a butt? And how chiseled is the butt? I'm very concerned like, does he even wear pants? How cheeks are these cheeks?"
And like was the solution between if Obelisk would have a bubble butt or a flat butt to instead put a giant knife on his ass to cover it up? because I can respect it. It's a weird character design decision but so is this entire show.
And the character design is about to get a little weirder his episode because Yugioh reminded us that fusion exists.
Bakura is true to his word, and so we say "so long" to the theatrical pocket universe where these two yell asides at eachother across the DM table. We will go back to the isekai where Bakura will now become Zorc for the rest of the show.
Does the show give Zorc a British accent, do you ask?
No.
And I'm as confused and disappointed as you are. Alexander the Freakin Great had a British accent. But Obelisk? Absolutely not. Would not make sense. Who would do that?
Now in case you forgot, because I only do like one of these a month, Seto was left behind at the castle courtyard because Yami did not give him a ride to Kul Elna. You may be asking, isn't the...castle courtyard in the capital? Like right in front of us? Like why would Seto be in the desert?
I don't know.
Maybe that was not the capital where Sad Seto watched his not-wife die? Maybe that was somewhere else? Geography in Yugioh is such a mobius strip I've sort of gotten used to this.
Anyway, Seto is in the desert, and it may have been something we found out and I forgot because my fatigue is kicking my ass but like...I'll accept it because it's very funny to me that he's hiking around sand in that outfit, comes over a dune, and just sees those God card he REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted 4 seasons ago but lost to Yugi Muto just mocking him up there in the sky.
Also Seto believes in magic now. It was a very abrupt thing but it had to happen eventually. Better late than never, I guess.
And then the Egyptian Gods freakin biffed it.
Isis and Shimon would be shaking their heads about how they died for freakin nothing from their afterlife plane, if any of this were in fact actually happening and not a weird simulation in Yami Muto's mind that is in a puzzle wired to Yugi Muto's brain.
Speaking of which, back at Yami's tomb, Yugi is having a meltdown.
It's part of his creative process, having a meltdown. Yugi would have massive creative block without his routine. That's just world building.
Yami is also going through his spin cycle, now that the moon blocked out the sun and we don't have any way to fix that.
Except we actually do have away to fix that, we used it in Season 1 when we went up against Mako Tsunami (don't ask me how I remember that random fact but don't remember what I ate for breakfast) but the problem with the ancient Egyptian version of this card game is you can really only summon like 1-3 cards at a time. So, they're boned.
And now it's Seto's turn to fix Yami's problems, which like, wouldn't be the first time, wouldn't it?
Problem is, this Seto is just SO BAD at cards.
I really should've put the towel on this shot ps but like...I got tired. I got a bad fatigue week, so we're gonna go au naturale with this episode.
Now one of y'all did a fancy reblog and showed how Zorc looked in the Japanese version which can I say--is SPICY. Like the US version tried to connect the neck more with the neck of the dragon, so it's like a tummy dragon instead of peen but it uh...doesn't work from this angle, does it?
I'm just still reeling about how there is a dragon dick and it aired on kid's tv and they fully got away with it.
EGYPTIAN ROLAND SIGHTED.
We love Roland.
I'd recognize that bad stache anywhere. Just because you don't got glasses on doesn't mean we don't know you got a Roland doo under that headwrap.
Bless this man.
Also, Roland is shredded? I'm just gonna leave that there.
And that ends this segment. With the way we do image blocks...I uh will have to end it here. I can't have like more than 30 blocks total? And we're at 15 images? I don't know if it's adding text blocks to image blocks in that addition? I'm not sure how this new post system works so I'll just cut it here anywho.
Until then I'm going to go lay down prone on the ground like Yami muto in the image above. Kinda jealous of him rn not going to lie.
https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono
(and for those who just got here, you can read these caps all in chronological order by using this link right here. Assuming it's the right link. With the new Tumblr post thingy, it has been randomly removing /chrono from the end of my link? Which sucks? anyway, hopefully it works.
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Okay so I've been lurking a lot instead of reblogging as I try to do, and this is because when I'm in the library doing work and get distracted by a good fic, it feels less like being off task if I'm just reading and not interacting, like reading is taking a study break, good for the brain, but interacting is being On Your Phone, and is off task.
Now the semester is done however, and I am free to do as I wish guilt free. One of the major things that I need to catch up on is a new fandom rabbit-hole that I fell into, which began with me accidentally stumbling on a fic while late-night scrolling, reading it, and then proceeding to completely devour almost the entire catalogue of works of several writers. I'll get around to re-reading and commenting on what I've spent the past like two weeks being absolutely lost in, but first I wanted to give a quick shout-out to the accounts because I know that sailor-aviator is having a milestone positivity event, and also they all just deserve it.
I think it started with @roosterforme and Bradley Bradshaw, and then devolved into reading almost everything that @jupitercomet, @sailor-aviator, and @goldenseresinretriever have ever published. This next part is long-winded gushing and also I think maybe turned into a marriage proposal? I'm not sure, hopefully its not creepy/weird
Seriously amazing work, like I can't truly express the amount of resistance I had to tgm before finding these accounts, but I had avoided watching the movie for the longest time bc my super shitty ex was a pilot (Air Force, and in training, but still we did tour the ship in SD when we were together) and also because he seriously looks like if you bought a hybrid of Lewis Pullman and Glen Powell from Dollar Tree and then made him scrawny, incredibly boring, and also unable to understand the word no or that it's not a crime to do a little shimmy when a good song comes on the grocery store radio
Now I feel cured of that in a way, like I don't know him, who was that? All I know are the incredible and delicious men that these guys are writing about.
You guys are out here soothing traumas unknowingly all while writing kicking-my-legs-blushing-and-giggling quality romances, like, can't thank you enough for the work and effort and time that has clearly gone into all that you guys are doing (for free!) and I hope that you all are proud of what you've been creating.
Like yeah, fanfic is just silly little stories, but these are your silly little stories that wouldn't exist without your hardwork and brains, and also they're incredible silly little stories. 🫶
Specifically I've been obsessed with sailor's Tarzan Bradley (he's so in love and also horny I love it, 🫠 ugh can't get enough), and her Bob series is so cute and seasonal I love him sm! 🥰🥰
And I didn't want to get sucked in, but sailor's merman Jake series converted me to becoming a part-time Jake girlie, of course with the help of golden's hockey au with Bugs and Lola, they're so cute and I'm living for Honey and Bradley you don't even know. I used to go to hockey games with my grandpa all the time (go Fireants lmao) so its nostalgic, but also bc of that old-guy association I don't think I ever really considered the horny potential of hockey, so thanks so much for opening my eyes to new growth opportunities for male objectification 😭
Anyways I hope this isn't like, too weird or makes you uncomfortable, I just wanted to take the chance to get out some of this built-up appreciation and share some positive thoughts ig, thanks for all your work and creativity, and also for bringing me a new fandom to hyperfixate on, its like a christmas gift, lol
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I requested to work from home today. I had a pretty terrible night. After coughing my brains out I woke up at 3am with a horrible sore throat again. I got up to get a drink and ended up kicking the end of the bed and cutting the top of my baby toe so bad it was like a flap. I was literally crying which is not something I do often for pain. I startled James awake but they took care of me. Got Neosporin and a bandaid and put a sock on my foot to keep it safe and j cried until I fell asleep.
I was beside myself though when I woke up. I tried not to over share why I was so upset but I was not emotionally able to go to work. I would work from home and Alexi was really kind about it.
I would sleep until 9. And felt slightly less like I was going to break into a million pieces. I did not feel good but at least I could be in bed when things were to much.
I had my breakfast while I worked on my laptop. I did a lot of research on turtles today. We may or may not have the turtle workshop on the 2nd but I wanted to have the worksheet packet ready.
I learned that there are 21 species of turtles in Maryland. With 3 of them being non-native and 5 being sea turtles. Amazing. I found some fun facts. Like you can tell the gender of some turtles by their eye color. And that terrapins were almost made extinct because people ate them so much.
When I wasn't doing research I was working on some craft practice. I attempted to use my new soldering iron but absolutely was not having a good time with that. I sometimes can use a soldering iron but I learned to solder with a torch and I really really struggle to get even heat with the iron. So I was very frustrated. But I'll try again another time. Today just wasn't my day.
I would finally have the space on my desk to work on my dad's pants!! And I finished that pretty quickly, despite some issues. I have never been very good at putting in zippers. But really it's that I don't have a foot for that. But I did my best. And I think he will be really happy with them. Also just being able to wear pants with his fake leg. I'll have to go visit them soon so I can give him these.
I would continue to work on my turtle research. And thinking about programing for the summer. I collected the last of my materials for my workshop tonight. I would draw for a little. I was feeling really down. Just emotionally just so low.
I took a very late lunch break at 2. And ended up falling asleep until 3. I felt slightly less morose when I woke up. I finished some stuff in the computer and went and ate a sandwich. And then my day was over.
I was freezing. I got in bed and tried to warm up. At 415 I went and made Mac and cheese and James let me know they were on their way home. I hoped we would cross paths before I left. And we did!
I was really happy to see them. Hugs and kisses and they helped me carry my stuff to the car. And then I was off.
I got to creative alliance and met with Parker about an upcoming project. Doing dioramas with kids. I hope to write up that proposal tomorrow.
After our chat I worked on setting up my program. And would run through my example so I could have a better idea of how I was going to teach this. And slowly people started coming in.
I have 10 people in the end and it went so well. Everyone was so kind. Some people had backgrounds in embroidery and cross stitch but not in regular sewing. And we would spend the first hour learning a running stitch, a whip stitch, a satin stitch, a woven satin stitch, and a ladder stitch. I would also show them a blanket stitch. And after we left the hoops I had set up everyone made a felt pin.
There were hearts and leaves and moons. The one guy in the class made Mr Yuck, which is a poison control thing? James recognized it right away. And while everyone was working I was walking around problem solving and then the people who brought things that needed mending we workshopped how that might work. And even had a few people interested in private lessons. I'm thrilled. I had such a good time.
Besides the sewing it was also just a lovely space to have conversations and I just felt great. I was able to use ally energy to not be falling apart. But as soon as I got in the car at the end, after everyone helped clean up and I said goodbye to the nice girl at the front desk, I started coughing again! And really really wanted to go home.
Thankfully I'm only 6 minutes away now. It was raining a little but I was feeling so happy it didn't bother me. I felt icky and tired but emotionally I was great.
When I got home I realized we need a wreath because in the dark I found it hard to see which one was ours. But quickly I was inside and with my husband and was very happy.
James was making Mac and cheese. And made me a little quesadilla. I got changed and looked at my toe for the first time and it was not as scary as I feared. James had bandages it well and I think it stuck the flap back on. Hopefully it heals quickly.
I got a shower and washed my hair. The water was a little cool still but I struggled through. I cared more about being clean then comfortable. Because now I am in bed and I'm really comfortable so it was worth it.
James is here. Sweetp is already asleep. I think I am going to try to sleep now too.
I am going to go to work tomorrow. And I'm determined to have a good day. And then Celia is coming over after work to make art together. I'm excited to show she the house.
I hope I feel better tomorrow. I love you all. Sleep well. Be safe. Goodnight!
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Accepting Creative Responsibility
It'd be really unoriginal if I kicked this one off with an 'ahoy', wouldn't it? Well, ahoy, we be stealin' from ourselves today, mateys. Welcome one and all to the pirate's cove of creativity that I'm attempting to cultivate.
I usually try to flow with a wizard's aesthetic, but to do that properly, you have to be smart, and I'm feeling less and less intelligent as of late. I don't think I believe in any type of specific intelligence, just in long-term, high-alertness intelligence that comes as a result of preparing, considering, pontificating, and employing tactics, in the sense that you're trying to achieve a goal.
I haven't achieved much recently, if anything, I've had a few achievements taken from me, or I've at least let my grip loose enough to let them slip through my fingers. This is all to say that I could've handled the situation with my roommate much better.
I could've communicated better, used softer language, or persuasive tactics, but instead I lost my cool, and the following outrage wasn't respected, because of course it wasn't. After the shortest discussion, you could easily graft the idea that it wasn't who I was, and that I wouldn't follow through on any threats.
I wanted my living situation to be my own, at the end of the day. There was a freeloader contributing nothing, and maybe I saw a little too much of myself in that person to allow for them to be around me. Maybe the self-hatred there permeated outward instead, like a bad case of B.O.
In any case, it was my fault for slipping, and I lost everything I'd made because of it.
I'm discovering more and more every day that pure overanalyzation of a situation results in unhappiness 99.9% of the time, repeating, of course. Though, we still owe ourselves an analyzation. How much of our past mistakes should be reflected upon before we're allowed to move on?
I'd hate to take the easy way out on this, but it likely depends on you. The best way I've found to think about it is that it's when you feel healthy, both physically and mentally, after your analyzation, but cinching it off before you become consumed by your shortcomings.
The answer isn't to distract yourself after finding the answer, but my brain lays traps like that, and I'm stupid enough to fall into them. You don't watch TV when your arm's got an exposed, bleeding wound. You analyze the problem, and employ a solution in a matter of time that is appropriate for you.
I've been watching TV instead of patching the exposed wounds in my head, not confronting my problems head-on, and all that's been doing is pushing me toward further self-destruction.
It's up to you when you put your foot down with yourself, and start drawing boundaries, both for yourself and for others. Draw lines in the sand for yourself, because nobody's going to do it for you, and nobody was going to do it for me, either. Let's do ourselves a favor, wake up today for a reason, and if there is no reason, let finding the reason... be the reason.
So ahoy, mateys. Ahab's got a white world to build.
#writing#blog post#blog#creative writing#sorry for the rant#blogging#what even#pirates#wizards#everything inbetween#inspiration#gotta make a D&D world today#that's gonna be a pain in the ass#but I do it because I love it
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Jan 6
Got the hard drive reader in and discovered one of the old Windows ones is fucked but also that I never did take pictures of the billboard being built, which I was beginning to think I hadn't anyway, and so on and so on.
But 4 old hard drives later I definitely have what I would need to prove I wrote a few things in my past when I wrote them. And I wrote some things that should never see the light of day again.
It's all good, I know that reader will serve me well for many years to come. It's a universal one so who knows when it might come in to use. And now that I'm on a 12 gig for my media storage should the housing to that kaput I can still access what's on it.
Ordered some other DVDs that look to be going out of print.
Need to make some choices with a few of the bare bones ones, just make files of them and kick them out.
Sewing on the jointed cloth doll goes well, decisions on the joints will come eventually.
rant time
I am considering making a list of people on line I have earned the right to be grumpy with, and I don't care if you agree or not-
Misogynistic "transitioning" AMAB primarily caucasian and of financial means people who have little to no idea how a the AFAB body actually works but go about as if they know everything, are the new voice of "girlhood" and "womanhood" and try to gate keep femininity and think they're having period cramps when they lack a uterus and ovaries. My Overlook Hotel level of flow, history of endometriosis in the family, and experiences growing up impoverished and having to ration supplies if I could even get them wants you to get over yourself.
Anyone, especially someone born in the 21st century, who self diagnosis DiD and has alters they can control switching between, and so on. If you have trauma that severe at that young of an age anyone worth their salt would be helping you with it. I had someone want to help me resolve something that happened 40 years ago that in your I have so many alters ideology should have shattered me. If you want attention for coming up with characters write, draw, or make videos about them. Playing dress up isn't cringe. Get attention for your creative endeavors in a healthier way. I spent years after my traumatic brain injury wondering if I was hearing alters, it turns out I acquired exploding head syndrome*, and guess what age it most commonly starts in? Late teens-early 20s. And it's totally manageable.
The hooray for obesity crowd that is taking over body positivity. It's my body and my right to lose the weight I want to lose. It's not my job to keep you from feeling bad. Find a healthier way to cope with your emotions than something that's addictive.
People self diagnosing gatekeeping things related to brain injuries and thinking OCD and tic disorders are cute quirks. It's been nearly 30 years since I cracked my head open and there have been months at a time where I can't touch ___ or eat ___ because the texture is "bad". I spent years being anxious about things I couldn't tell if they were hardware problems from the injury or software problems I could fix with cognitive behavior.
*Exploding head syndrome https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Exploding_head_syndrome My personal experiences occur when I am very tired, most often when I'm falling asleep or between sleep cycles, and are best described as a disembodied voice loudly saying a few words in my head.
Now that I know what it is, and have been able to sense a bit of an aura some times, I can definitely use it as a sign to take a rest.
It's not an alter, it's not a spiritual being, it's a part of my brain randomly going off because I possibly damaged it or the connections during my TBI. And if I'm taking care of myself and on a regular sleep schedule I don't really have it, in between sleep cycle episodes aside.
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Man, it's been raining so much lately. On the one hand it's nice but oof, I do not like driving in rainy weather. Way too stressful.
So, I've been in a reflective mood lately. Sure it comes with the time of year. Creatively speaking, I feel like 2022 was pretty good for me. Im feeling more confident about things I create or ideas I get than I have in the past. I'm kinda happy about that.
Definitely focused more on writing than drawing. While I didn't publish much, I did feel great about the things I did managed to complete. Started taking more notes and being ok with wips. I feel like that's helped a lot. Head feels a little less cluttered and I'm relieved to know that I have a place where I can revisit my ideas when the time is right.
Didn't sketch or draw as much as I wanted to. It's hard because I have so many pencils and pens now (my brother even got me a set of pastels I'm excited about using). I'm not one for resolutions but I'd like to make some time to practice drawing more things. More practice in colored pencil for sure and trying to get through all my pens. At some point, I would like to venture into painting with inkwashes. Watercolors seem super intimidating to me. I've only painted with acrylics a few times and I don't really have the space for it. Maybe someday.
But yeah, this year, I want to try and work on my sense of organization when it comes to my creative projects. Art wise, I tend to be scatter brained ;w; I don't know what that will look like yet, but basically I want to balance time for writing and art projects.
Art wise, I still have that thing I was mentioning last year that I want to finish. I'm about a little over a quarter of the way there, I think? Just need to practice sketching some pieces out more before I draw the final versions. After that, I have a similar project I kind of want to do as well as a short series of portraits feat. one of my blorbos. At first, I wanted it to just be one drawing but I like all the ideas too much to choose just one orz. I also am undecided on which medium(s) to use. I'll see.
Writing wise...lol, I have so many wips now! Which is good. I do feel like I'll return to the Akira manga au series at some point. I've got more scenes from that AU (and I figured out how to end it)! There's also some one shots and a shorter series I hope to finish, but I'm very particular about the order in which I publish fics so idk when that'll be. Right now, though, the bnha fics are what I'm drawn to the most so I'll likely be focusing on those. Want to finish the first part of the series I posted, continue with the Villain AU, and maybe (maybe?) get the first chapter of the other series posted??? Gonna shoot for February for that one, but no guarantees there. There's also that highly ambitious AU fic that I want to write and publish this year, but there's still kinks for me to iron out with that one.
I think this is the longest time I've focused on fanart more than anything original, which is new for me. There are some projects related to my OCs that I have kicking around. Maybe I'll get to those later in the year. I've been debating whether to post original fics to AO3. I went on a deep dive the other night looking for fics tagged as QPR because I was curious and found way more original works than I expected. I know AO3 isn't technically for that, but I generally prefer to have one dedicated place to share stuff. I do have a RoyalRoad account though, so maybe I could use that instead.
Trying to stay positive about this year.
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Unexpected
Summary: Accidental relationships are the worst.
Author's note: A silly little drabble(it's like 5k so idk if it's a drabble lol) I created based on an image @prodmina made for me, this is not related to BMTL at all-it's just a side dish I'm offering to my Junjin lovers. A few days ago we both noticed that these two don't really get much fluff without some angst(I'm guilty of this too so no judgement just an observation) Hence this was created, it's just a one-shot because this idea wouldn't leave my mind. This community is well fed but here's some more food for the hungry. And yes my page break this time is Sujin's sexy leg, I have no regrets.
They've been in the same school for as long as she can remember, her striving to be the best student only second to one and him seemingly showing up to drool on the nearest surface and give the female population heart palpitations. She's thankfully not one of his victims- having actual standards and a fully functional hippocampus; ergo while most girls are drawing hearts on their notebooks with Han Seojun opposite their name, she is turning her nose up at them judging them for their lack of foresight. A pretty face would only last for so long.
They stay out of each other's way, the only thing they have in common is Lee Suho- her childhood friend of many years and his best friends despite their varied differences. She and Suho haven't been spending much time together ever since she moved out with her mother, but he was still one of her oldest friend and someone she cared about. Long story short, they both spent years imprisoned with a monster and now they were free.
Her life was looking brighter, more technicolor and staying away from a thug like Han Seojun was only adding to its quality.
Which is why she's dumbfounded when they run into each other, at the most inopportune of time. She's walking home after her academy classes, being a pediatrician isn't going to be child's play and she has to take every possible advantage to make her dreams a reality. Without her father’s money backing her she has to accomplish this with her own merits, she is looking forward to proving him wrong.
Airpods in, she doesn't notice the group stalking her until it's too late. One by one they begin to surround her, leering at her body like she's a piece of meat on display- it makes the hairs on the nape of her neck raise in trepidation and disgust.
"Isn't it too late for a pretty girl like you to be wandering all alone outside?" The one she assumes is the leader croons, voice dripping in faux concern as he rubs his hands resembling a villian out of a 1940′s comic book.
She immediately begins to catalog how many of them there are, strategizing the best way to take them down. Fifteen of them. She can't fight them all, the best she can do is distract a few and make a run for it.
"Isn't it too early for vermin like you to be wandering the streets?" She replies snidely, rolling her eyes when they all whistle at her jab. This is such a pathetic end to her day, it's honestly beneath her.
"I'll make you regret that comment, you bitch!" Already with the name calling, this guy really was a cartoon villian and he couldn't even construct something creative to call her. instead choosing the most generic insult in the book. With a sigh she moves into a fighting position, fists raised guarding her face and legs apart.
"Let's just get this over with, you're sucking up all the air with that snout you call a nose." All she sees is his sneer and eyes huge in rage before he lunges at her, his movements are so predictable and she sidesteps kicking at the back of his knee swiftly. Then she grabs another arm that comes flying at her face cruelly twisting and flipping him over her body, his groan of pain music to her ears. She easily taking them out without breaking much of a sweat, she had been fighting since she was young and they were all clearly not trained fighters, just bumbling idiots playing gangster.
But then she hears the cold metallic click of a knife uncoiling. A shiver races down her spine. They really were low-lives, she hadn’t expected them to actually pull out a weapon.
"You need a knife to take on one girl? Can you even call yourself a gang?" The words are exactly the ones that are in her brain but she's not the one who utters them, a new voice has entered the fray. A familiar voice at that.
This day just keeps getting worst.
"Han Seojun, how about you mind your business we found her first she's ou--"
The rodent looking asshole never gets to finish his sentence as her leg comes flying at his face as she executes a perfect roundhouse kick, slicing through the air and landing devastating blow on his cheek sending him flying to the ground in a heap.
"Damn Sujin! And you call me a thug! I think you killed him." Seojun cries sputtering in disbelief motioning at the motionless body on the ground but she notes the impressed raise of his eyebrow. Like she needs him approval.
While the rest of the band of idiots are helping up their leader she realizes this is her chance, without a word to Seojun she takes off running. Easily jumping over one of her fallen attackers and stepping on his shoulder for momentum, he cries at her harsh treatment.
Turning back she sees Seojun deck a guy in the face knocking him out before he starts chasing after her, his long legs eating up the gap between them in no time, she's temporarily grateful that he's not the one chasing her the damn beanpole.
"Are you secretly a ninja or something?" She snorts at his terrified face, chucking when he keeps looking waiting for an answer as if he truly believes she might be. Nosy idiot.
"If I tell you, I'll have to kill you." She answers straight faced, watching as horror blossoms on his face and her musical laughter saturates the streets as she runs faster, he shakes his head at her smirking in reply.
It's the beginning of the end, but she had no idea.
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Somehow it becomes the catalyst they need to break the seal between them, she expects everything to go back to its rightful place- them ignoring the other’s presence as they've always done and only speaking when they had something rude to say, their normal. But as she's walking in the hallway she hears him shouting her name behind her, immediately all eyes in the hallway dart to them.
"Kang Sujin! Yah! I'm talking to you!" He garners the attention of everyone in the vicinity and she turns around, annoyance purposely all over her face. He needs to know that she is not amused with him.
"Yeah, people across town can hear you. What do you want?"
"Are you calling me loud?" He cries defiantly, obnoxiously even louder than before. The smirk on his face letting her know that it’s intentional, she aches to kick it off his face.
"Is the sky blue?" She sarcastically responds, waiting for him to catch up as they walk side by side.
"A better analogy to use would be is Han Seojun handsome?" She gags as he starts posing with a finger under his chin, in the distance she can hear high pitched squeals of his name.
She picks up her pace, regretting even giving him a moment of her time. She must have lost her mind for a moment, it wouldn’t happen again.
"No wonder you're single. Who could compete with your love for yourself? I have something to do so I'll leave first." She doesn't wait for his response, leaving to do nothing but that's none of his business.
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But it doesn't end there, they just keep orbiting into each other. Their groups converging at lunch and when the boys are having a heated argument about who's the best character on Dragon Ball Z, they both passionately shout out "Vegeta!!" In unison making everyone turn to face them in shock that they've agreed on something. They stare at each other as flabbergasted before Seojun pushes his hand out, palm flat and expectant look on his face.
She simply stares back blankly, considering leaving him hanging just to see that stupid offended look he always gets around her but in the end she slaps her hand firmly against his, at least he was smart enough to know that Saiyan prince was the best.
Clap!
"Someone mark it on a calendar! Seojun and Sujin agreed on something!" Su-ah exclaims clapping her hands and smiling brightly, they both argue when several members at the table pull out their phones to commemorate the special occasion. She wrestles with Jukyeong, who's surprisingly strong and breaks free from her hold while sticking her tongue out.
"You're all so annoying!" They both explode again simultaneously, Seojun hanging off Chorong's arm as he tries to confiscate his phone, she glares at him for giving them another reason to laugh at them and Su-ah cheerily calls out, "Add that to the calendar too, they're so in sync!"
It's the worst lunch of her life, she kicks Seojun under the table. This was all his fault. Glaring when he kicks her back and they end up kicking each other until the period ends, oblivious to the stares around them.
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At the end of the day she's eager to go home and do nothing, which is exactly when she feels someone tugging at her backpack forcefully dragging her backwards.
"Yah! Let go of me!" She cries out, slipping her arms out of her bag and turning around in a fighting position.
"At ease super soldier, it's just me." He replies as if that means anything, but she does lower her fists; marginally. To let him know she's ready to go at any minute.
"What do you want now?" She grumbles peering up at him and when he turns walking away with her backpack still in his arms, she chases after for that reason alone.
"I'm going to the arcade. They have the new Dragon Ball Z game."
She should go home and study, she promised herself she would review her notes from class today. She couldn't afford to slack off if she wanted a good life after all.
She opens her lips to say all of this, to remind him that they can't all be pretty boy models like him some of them actually had to work for a living but instead she hears, "Fine. You're buying me something to eat."
He begrudgingly agrees after complaining, "Aren't you rich? Why do I have to buy you food?" She skips off ignoring his rationale, only stopping when she sees his motorcycle parked in the lot. She's always wanted to ride a motorcycle.
"Let's take your bike." She says confidently, not leaving him any room to refuse.
He looks at her unimpressed before a cheeky smile spreads across his face, "You've always wanted to ride with me huh? Do you have dreams about it at night?" He teases her and she lazily watches him before walking up to him, looking directly into his eyes. He unconsciously takes a step back and she smirks, stepping closer again.
" Are you nervous? Scared I might really be having dreams about you?" She watches his Adam's apple bob apprehensively before smacking him quickly on his cheek, he jolts in surprise.
"You wish pretty boy. Now get the keys, I don't have all day."
He gulps before snapping back to reality, wordlessly starting his bike.
The entire school watches as they ride off together, her arms wrapped tight around his waist the wind whipping through her hair. She's never felt anything so exhilarating.
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Their lives become entangled, it's the only way to describe it somewhat accurately. She goes to his house for weekly dinners and sometimes her mom comes too, his mom is a great cook while hers can barely boil water. It's a win-win scenario. They also study together, his grades aren't horrific but they could be better. There isn't much ceremony, he stomps over telling some boy he needs that seat and she watches as the poor kid scrambles, grabbing all his book and running away apologizing the entire way.
"You have good grades right?" He says matter-of-fact less of a question and more of a statement before he pulls out actual textbooks from his bag. She rolls her eyes before nodding and turning back to her own studies. They study every Tuesday and Wednesday, he's always on time and treats her to tteokbokki. so she allows this transgression.
She knows immediately why he asked for help when she sees his math test magnetized to his refrigerator door, big red A- circled. His mother brags about his score all throughout dinner, even cheering for her when Seojun informs her that she got an A+ on the same assignment. They both blush as she gushes about how smart they are.
When the nightmares get too realistic and she can’t handle it alone anymore, he drops her off to therapy sessions and brings her to the gym after so she can release all her anger on a punching bag. He never asks her what's wrong but he drops her home after and the silence is comfortable between them.
They both never mention their dads but she goes to the cemetery with him and stands quietly as he pays his respect and takes him to get ice cream after, the dinner with his family after is somber but she wouldn't rather be anywhere else.
They never discuss what exactly is going on between them, they're just there for each other and that's enough.
At least she thought it was.
It's stupid but ever since they became...closer he's been getting more confessions than usual even for him they pour down like rain. Multiple girls a day sometimes as if they took numbers and decided to go in order, she dodges them at every turn but there's always a tinge in her chest and she contemplates going to the nurse because there must be something medically wrong with her.
She can barely taste the fried pork as she watches another girl shuffle over to their table, giant red heart box pressed tight against her chest as she approaches Seojun. His friends all notice and are chanting his name, elbowing and shouldering him excitedly.
“Han Seojun! Han Seojun!”
Su-ah suddenly places a warm hand on her knee, she looks at her in shock. Fear gripping at her as the other girl stares at her with gentle comforting eyes. She pushes the hand away. She doesn’t need comfort, she is fine. Fine.
Her throat tightens as the confession starts.
"Han Seojun, I-I've liked you since last year. Willyougooutwithme?" This isn't new, they usually lose their nerve at the end sputtering out their feelings all over him. She never sticks around long enough to hear his answers, but this time she has no choice; if she leaves that would be suspicious. It would give people the wrong impression.
She swallows her blueberry milk, he'd tossed it at her this morning saying he bought the wrong one. Coincidentally that was her favorite. It taste like chalk now on her tongue.
"Sorry, I'm not interested." He answers truly sounding apologetic, she shifts in her seat, pointedly staring at her food. Stifling her smile by stuffing cold noodles into her mouth.
There is a long silence as the cafeteria watches, all waiting for the girl’s reaction. Usually there are tears, loud wailing cries and pleading for another chance, but sometimes they are silent as they walk off heartbroken, friends waiting to soothe them.
The girl sighs, but unlike the others who usually scurry away, she speaks again, "Can I ask why? Do you already like someone?"
A thrumming energy fills the room following her question, girls all looking around at each other, preening hopeful that they've captured the heart of the resident bad boy. She just wants this uncomfortable moment to end already, it's giving her indigestion.
"Yes. I like someone."
It feels like a sledgehammer to her chest, ignoring Su-ah's hand clutching at hers she stands up grabbing her tray. Nobody pays her any mind besides her two best friends, she weakly smiles at them, "I'm all done. I'm gonna head to the library I'll see you both later."
She tosses out her tray viciously, forcing herself not to look back.
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Avoiding him isn't easy, he's always there waiting for her or texting her to ask why she isn't coming over for dinner because his mother made her favorite. She's never lied to him before but she finds herself doing just that, feigning illnesses and late night classes. Which only results in him offering to bring her soup and give her a ride to said classes. Like she said their lives were for lack of a better word, entangled.
But she sticks to it, keeping her distance from him as she tries to understand why exactly she's doing this. He's her friend she should be happy that he likes someone, he was an idiot but it was probable that the feeling was mutual. He would finally have a girlfriend, someone to fill the spot she had been temporarily occupying. Someone he could bring home for dinners and someone to accompany him at his father's grave. Someone to talk to late at nights when he had a nightmare about losing his family and couldn’t fall asleep. Someone, not her.
"I'm happy for him. I should be feeling sorry for the poor girl he likes." She whispers to herself, aimlessly scrolling on her phone. Instagram has been a great source of distraction lately. As soon as she opens the app she sees a red dot pop up, a notification. She taps it seeing that she's been tagged in a photo, then another notification pops up and another and another and they start coming in too quickly for her to keep up.
"What the hell?" She admonishes aloud, clicking randomly on one of the notifications ready to see what's causing such an uproar.
It's a picture of her.
She remembers the day clearly, Seojun had forced her to go with him to a new diner that specialized in American cuisine, all so he could stuff his face with pancakes. She had no clue he'd taken a picture of her. Something that feels butterflies flutters in her stomach as she reads his caption.
How do you get a princess to forgive you?
Was this some kind of joke? What the hell was he thinking? She bulks at all the likes and comments on the photo after only two hours, she'd never gotten that much attention on a photo but she rarely posted pictures of her face. There were a lot of creeps online.
Nervously she taps to view the comments, it's a mixed bag of reactions. Girls she's never met before cursing her very existence as if she's a threat to their imaginary relationship with him and the very same creeps that caused her not to post selfies on her page posting disgusting sexual comments.
She instinctively taps to reply to rip them to shreds before she realizes that Seojun has already replied to every comment from a guy, threatening them explicitly and a few comments are even accusing him of deleting comments. There are a few comments calling her pretty but those are few and far in between and usually they are attacked in their replies by other jealous fan girls.
Anger bubbles in her gut, what the fuck was he thinking posting a picture of her for all these vipers to see?
Impulsively she taps the screen harshly, fingers flying across her keyboard.
Delete this now. Are you insane? Who are you calling a princess?!
Almost immediately she regrets her rash decision as comments flood in.
How dare you talk to oppa like that?
Oppa see she doesn't deserve you!
Who is this snotty bitch?
You're not pretty enough to be this stuck up honestly, no offense.
You should be happy a hot guy is posting you, ungrateful.
She's tempted to reply to each comment, who did think they were talking to, she wasn't some pushover, let's see if they would have this much gall to say this to her face. She'd taken on a gang of would be thugs, she had no problem beating some sense into some bitches.
But they're not worth her time or energy.
Swiping the app close, she takes a calming breath. Counting to three. Then five. Then ten. Then twenty. When her anger is nothing but a low thrum beneath her skin, she opens her contacts going to get favorites and clicking his name, bringing her phone to her ears.
"Finished ignoring me princess?" He answers smoothly, sounding far too relaxed for all the trouble he's caused. She wants to wring his neck.
"Have you lost your mind?" She cuts to the chase, huffing angrily as her phone buzzes with more notification. "Han Seojun you better delete that picture right now!"
"You've been ignoring my calls and texts and pretending you don't see me at school. What else was I supposed to do?" She can hear the strain in his voice, but he doesn't sound angry, no that's his hurt voice.
"I've just been busy. You didn't need to do something this... extreme."
He scoffs, clearly not believing her excuse. It sounds weak to even her own ears, they'd gotten too close they made time for each other, doing the most mundane things together, he even helped her clean her house sometimes and she would regularly help him shop for groceries.
"Come open your door. I think we need to talk."
He hangs up after his statement, leaving her to stare at her phone in shock.
"That little piece of shit." She curses, running a hand through her hair before she hops out of bed, running to open her apartment door. She slows down as she nears the door, not wanting him to think her too eager. She's not.
Running her hand through her hair again, she slowly pulls open the door. A breath swooshes through her lips at the sight of him, she's been avoiding him so much it's overwhelming to be staring at him directly like this.
They stare at each other, the air unexpectedly charged between them as their gazes meet.
"It's rude to leave someone standing outside." He quips finally, pressing past her before she can reply to his complaint, she huffs in annoyance stepped aside to give him entry.
Familiarly he toes off his boots, putting on the slippers her mom had purchased for him after his presence became more constant. Then he strides across the small space of her living room, sitting on her couch and glancing at her expectantly. She closes her door with a sigh, walking over and sitting in the single love seat. He stares at her hard. She struggles to keep his gaze.
"What did I do? Whatever it is, I'm sorry. If you tell me what it is, I probably won't do it again."
She's so taken back by his immediate apology that she stupidly focuses on the least important word in the sentence, "Probably?"
He shrugs in reply, "I like pushing your buttons. You like it too. So I can’t make promises until I know what I did.”
She can't argue with his assessment, they did have a very unusual relationship built on mutual sarcasm and backhanded compliments. They both were masters of never truly saying what they were thinking or feeling, too scared of rejection to make the final jump of fate. So they just kept crashing into each other, prodding and poking without recognizing why.
"I'm not mad at you." She admits, she has no reason to be upset. He hadn't done anything besides like someone else, that wasn't a crime. Unless the judge was her heart and then he had committed the most heinous of crimes.
"Then why are you avoiding me?" The crux of it all, she was avoiding him because he forced her to acknowledge the secret she'd kept so hidden even she was unaware of it until it hit her over the head.
"Why do you care so much?" She counters defensively, feeling naked under his penetrating stare.
He laughs coldly, "Answering my question with a question. Never took you for a coward Kang Sujin."
She bristles at the snide remark, who was he to call her a coward?
"If I'm a coward why are you here? Why post my picture on your Instagram? Don't you like someone, why are you here bothering me!" She hisses at him, each word gradually increasing in volume until she's screaming at his blank face. Then he starts laughing, pure unhindered laughter from his belly that stings her ears. She made herself too obvious.
"Aren't you supposed to be smart?"
"What do you mean by tha-" He cuts her off before she can finish shouting, "How do you not know that I was talking about you?"
Her voice drains like water slipping down a sink as she hears the words he said, she blinks before her mouth falls open in shock.
"Was I really letting you tutor me? What was I thinking?" He laments to the ceiling, mocking her but she's too riled up now already climbing out of her seat and striding over to him. He jolts backwards as she places her hands on his shoulders, searching his face and delighting at his wide eyes before climbing into his lap. He wheezes but his hand immediately latch onto her hips. She stares at him closely, eyes trailing from his hypnotic eyes, down to his lifted pert nose and lingering on his full plush lips.
"You like me." She states, watching how his eyes flutter shut before landing on her own lips.
"I thought it was very clear. Who else could I have been talking about, I spend all my time with you."
He's right, they did spend a lot of time together prior to her self-preserving decision to avoid him like the plague. She hadn't realized when her feelings for him had changed, thinking they were simply friends the entire time. A friend that she thought about constantly, who she wanted to spend all her time with and sometimes she's idly imagine kissing or holding his hand. She certainly hasn't expected anything.
But here he was offering. She wasn’t a good enough person to turn it down.
"I'm going to kiss you. Stop me if you don't want that." She states boldly, now that she knows this is on the table, he's on the table she is practically starving and all her doubts have transformed into the desire, the desire to touch and be touched. He glances at her, his patented 'are you stupid?' stare and she laughs before smashing their lips together. It's hard and a little uncomfortable, with their lips just roughly pressed together and she wonders if they're doing it right before his hands stroke her cheeks, tilting her head as he slows down the kiss until it's sweeter and softer and oh, is that his tongue? He swipes at her sealed lips and she only hesitates for a moment before slowly opening and allowing him entrance.
This takes the kiss to another level, as her head swims at his flavor- something spicy and earthy irrevocably Seojun that she finds addicting and she eagerly sticks her tongue into his mouth, licking at his moist cavern. Wet smacks fill the air as they suck at each other's face, his large hands nearly circling her waist entirely she shivers at the touch, feeling small and delicate in his arms. He reaches up a hand to caress her hair and she mimics the move, pushing her hand through his thick hair tugging at the end of his mullet. When they break apart, panting into each other's mouths she feels like her soul has been set ablaze.
"Since you're so smart I guess I don't have to tell you how I feel." She says trying to regain her composure and her breath, her lungs feel winded like she's run a marathon.
"Of course not. Everyone likes me, you're no exception." He replies cockily and she groans in exaggerated disgust pushing him away and clamoring out of his lap, but he tightens his grip with a deep chuckle easily manhandling her until they are laying on her couch, her back to his front. His breath is hot on her neck.
"My mom will be home soon, we can't stay like this." She warns reaching back to move his arm which is digging into her back, dragging his arm over her waist and squirming until she's comfortable.
"I know. We still have an hour. She's working overtime tonight."
Of course he knows her mom's schedule, she tries to smother her smile. She fails but nobody seems so she'll take it as a partial victory.
He reaches over her, grabbing the remote before switching on Netflix and putting on a movie they'd started before but never finished because she had fallen asleep on his shoulder. He had complained about her drooling on his favorite sweater the next day at school, as she shushed him and people looked over at the odd pair.
"You're gonna delete that picture right?" She asks, only barely focused on the movie too distracted by his warmth behind her. She has to smother a moan when he starts stroking aimlessly on her waist. His fingertips igniting her skin in a warm burn that travels to her heart and lower.
"Humph why can't I have a picture of my girlfriend on my page?"
She turns around immediately, "Girlfriend? Who said anything about that," she rebuttals watching his eyes narrow until they're barely slits. She doesn't hate that look on him.
"You kiss someone who isn't your boyfriend like that?" She blushes at him mentioning that, the kiss still very vivid in her mind, her lips still tingling.
"Shut up." She huffs punching him in the chest, but he catches her hand and yanks her close until they're chest to chest, noses almost touching, lips a hair's breadth apart.
"I'm going to kiss my girlfriend, stop me if you don't want it." He echoes her earlier words, gripping the back of her head as he stares at her a clear challenge, smirking when she doesn't move away before he devours her lips again. She groans around his tongue in her mouth, wrapping her arms around his shoulders as their lips slide wetly against each other.
When the jingle of keys sound several minutes later, she tumbles off the couch frantically as her mom pushes the door open. She wipes her lips, before looking up at Seojun; he looks wrecked- hair tussled and sticking up in different directions, his cheeks are burning red looking hot to the touch and his lips are sore and wet. Her heart does a somersault in her chest at the sight.
Fuck. That's my boyfriend.
🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼
She lets him keep the photo on his account in the end, it keeps the hungry fan girls away and guys leave her alone for the most apart. She ignores his smirk when he sees her comment under the photo.
To everyone who has something to say, Han Seojun is mine. If you have a problem with that, come say it to my face.
Nobody ever comes to say it to her face.
“You’re cute when you’re jealous princess.” He teases her, and she scoffs at him, “You’re one to talk, didn’t you almost get into a fist fight today because someone commented that they wanted to ‘tap that’?”
He growls at the memory of that, only the principal strolling in had stopped him.
“You guys are perfect for each other, both deadly and gorgeous.” Su-ah adds gleefully pushing her way between them and linking arms on both sides.
She pushes his hand away when he immediately reaches for her, “Yah! Give me back my girlfriend!” He whines desperately trying to circumvent Su-ah and grab her hand, whining loudly about third wheels and people trying to get in the way of true love.
She’ll never get tired of hearing that.
She was Han Seojun's girlfriend and he was her boyfriend, everyone could stay mad.
#true beauty#true beauty kdrama#han seojun#kang sujin#junjin#junjin superiority#the power they hold#I would kill for a season 2 focused on them#fluff#first kiss#park yoona#hwang inyeop#idiots to usdiots
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[Weird Sisters AU] "in tenebris magicae: a story's beginning"
Words: 2,495
Chapters: 1/17
Characters: Lena Sabrewing, Webby Vanderquack, May Duck, June Duck, Violet Sabrewing, Black Heron
Summary: Following the tragic loss of her mother, Lena finds herself returning to the Magical Realm to piece together the truth behind the fall of her mother. However, the deeper Lena digs, the worse things become.
(Text Under 'Read More').
Do it for her.
Because she certainly didn't want to do it for herself: If it were up to her, she wouldn't even be here. But the stakes were high, and her next move relied on her being here.
If anything sucked the most, it was that she didn't have her own room anymore: Her roommate, a human named Violet Sabrewing, had woken her up at 5 A.M with the blaring sound of her alarm.
"I like to start early when I study throughout the day," she said.
Lena had managed to get some sleep after being rudely awakened, but not much: It was 7 A.M., and now she had to be awake.
Dragging her legs out of the bed, Lena sat up and stared out of the window for a good five seconds: Everything about this place felt like Earth, but it also didn't. The Sun still rised and shined the way it did on Earth. It was a bit comforting to Lena.
"Late start?" Lena took this as some kind of a joke, but considering what had happened merely two hours prior, she didn't find it any funny. She flashed a glare at Violet before trudging out of the room into the bathroom in the hallway.
Five months ago, Lena felt like she had everything, that the life she had on Earth made her not even want to come here and find out about her roots. Now, she had virtually nothing, and that predicament forced her to be here.
Lena's eyes became fixated on her feet as she neared the bathroom day, replaying the past five months of her life over and over again in her head. The day it happened, the feelings of panic and hopelessness that swallowed her body, how lifeless she looked. It was hard to forget, it was an image that would be burned into her brain for the rest of her life.
Caught up in her mind, Lena didn't notice that there was someone leaving the bathroom as she was walking to enter it. Her body collided with another girl's, sending them both to the ground.
"Hey, watch where you're-" The girl cut herself off once she got a better view of Lena on the ground, "Wait, you're one of the new girls right? Don't tell me you're that human."
Word seemed to spread fast around here.
"You're thinking of Violet," Lena half-smiled, extending a helping hand to the girl once she pulled herself off of the ground, "I'm Lena. Nice to-"
The girl swatted Lena's hand away, glaring at her as she found her composure and stood up on her own. "Either way, watch it." Before Lena could respond to that remark, May stormed off.
Rolling her eyes, Lena pushed the bathroom door open and began her morning routine for the day. Great, Lena thought to herself, I've been here for less than 5 minutes and I already have a target on my head.
--
Lena could feel the eyes burning the back of her head as she took her seat for her first class. From the looks of it, Violet didn't seem to mind to curious and judgmental stares, but Lena hated it. Part of Lena wanted to tell them to find something else to stare at, but another part of Lena just wanted to sit in silence to not make her already rough start, any rougher.
The teacher hadn't entered the class yet, but Lena was sure that they'd ask her and Violet to stand up and introduce themselves, so Lena spent the down time she had now mentally preparing for it. Lena wasn't really a nervous person, but these stares she was getting from classmates whose names she didn't know yet, were enough to melt her into a puddle of timdity.
"Hi, I'm Webby!" Lena hadn't even noticed that this girl had walked up to her, but the piercing shriek she let out was enough to make Lena jumped out of her skin. "Lena." Lena responded sheepishly, looking over Webby's shoulder to notice the girl from the bathroom was shooting daggers at either her, Webby, or the both of them.
They looked exactly alike, so Lena assumed they were sisters.
"You're from the Earth, right? Oh, I have so many questions! What is it like on Earth? What are the animals like? Ooh, what is the foo-"
"Webby, enough," The girl from the bathroom cut her off, and Lena was somewhat grateful for it even though she knew a condescending comment would be following this, "I doubt it's anything interesting compared to what we have here. You don't need to drown her with your questions."
"May, you're no fun." Webby pouted, crossing her arms. She turned back to Lena, saying "It was nice meeting you though!", before she scurried back to her seat next to May and... another girl that looked exactly like them. Triplets?
Her attention on them being triplets was shortened when she went back to thinking about how off putting this May girl had been acting towards her. It soured her mood a bit, thinking about how this girl, for whatever reason, had to make it known that she thought she was better than Lena.
"So you're the human." May seemed to turn her attention to Violet, who just silently nodded in response. Lena felt no connection to this Violet girl, not enough to just mindlessly defend her anyways, but she wasn't opposed to kicking May off of her high horse in defense of her.
"What brings you here?" The other sister, whose name Lena had yet to catch, asked seemingly with innocent intent, "Do you have any powers?"
"Um....no... at least not yet," Violet murmured, fiddling with her hair, "I was actually recruited through the school." Webby and this other sister gave Violet looks of approval, but Lena couldn't help but notice the scowl on May's face.
"Not yet? What do you mean not yet? Either you're born with it, or you're not." May snickered, gaining questioning looks from both of her sisters, not that she seemed to particularly care. Violet bowed her head in embarassment, and that's when Lena decided that she had finally had enough of this May girl's attitude.
"What's your issue? This pretentious little mean girl role you're trying to live up to right now, really isn't a good look, you know." Judging from May's reaction, Lena could tell that this girl never had anyone stand up to her before, and that was just pathetic.
"Well thank god I'm not trying to look good for the likes of you." May hissed, and before Lena could get another jab in, the entire classroom was silenced by the arrival of the teacher.
"Welcome to the first day of the new semester." The professor looked like a character straight out of the kinds of old movies Lena's mom used to watch, her hair having flipped ends, and her red dress resembling the style of a Go-Go dress. The professor's prothestic arm, which seemed to be made completely from metal, caught Lena's eye, but it wasn't something she paid too much attention to. Her eyes drifted over to the sister, the one that wasn't May and Webby, and noticed how her entire demeanor changed once this professor entered the room.
"It seems like we have two new students here, Violet Sabrewing, and Lena Duckwell. Nice to meet you two, I am Professor Heron." Lena could've sworn she saw a smirk when the professor had read her name, but she was too busy feeling shocked that she didn't make them stand up and introduce themselves.
Lena's mother always told her that if she were to come back here, if she were to start a new life here, she'd have to conceal her identity. "Duckwell" wasn't the most creative fake last name, but something told her she couldn't exactly waltz in here with the last name "DeSpell". She never knew why she needed to keep her identity a secret, but she wasn't exactly trying to figure out, either.
"Students, you know that I am expecting nothing but the best work from you this semester, especially knowing what's ahead. Now, open your books to page 14..."
--
Lena went to school on Earth, so she knew how dreadful and boring the school days could be, but this first day really drained her of any energy she had left. She had almost ran out of the classroom as soon as Professor Heron dismissed them, and she waited for nobody.
"Hey!" Lena felt a tap on her shoulder, turning around to reveal none other than the other sister whose name she hadn't caught yet.
"Hey."
"My name is June, nice to meet you!" She extended her hand for a handshake, and Lena took it. This June girl seemed much nicer compared to May.
"Nice to meet you," Now that she was here, maybe Lena could get some clarity of the things from class she was still confused about.
"What did the Professor mean when she said something important was ahead? Is it a test?"
"I guess you could say that," June explained, "But really, it's the total eclipse. You know what that is right?" Lena shot her a look that said 'I'm not dumb.' Was it that obvious that she hadn't been touching up on her magic?
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. I just didn't know if it's ritual on Earth like it is here!"
"So what do you do for it?"
"On Earth, the Total Eclipse only happens every 100 years, but here, it actually happens every 10 years. During the Total Eclipse, all magical forms at their highest level of power. So, the ritual is kind of made to celebrate that, but also to show off that power. But it's not any time soon, actually it's exactly three months away."
Three months? There was no way Lena could master the power that she did, in three months. She didn't even know what she was fully capable of, because on Earth, both her and her mom stressed her living a normal "human" life, and not using any magic. And the rare times that she did use magic, ended up in haywire. Surely, three months was not enough time for Lena to perfect her craft.
"Hmm, sounds like fun...."
"I wouldn't know, this is the first time I've actually been old enough to attend and participate in one!" June flashed a bright, friendly smile, and in a way, it sort of put Lena at ease. After all, she was the first person here that Lena was able to maintain a normal conversation with.
"Oh, and sorry about my sister earlier, she can be a bit.... overbearing," June said, her cheery tone of voice shifting into a more serious one, "But if it makes you feel any better, I'd take it as a compliment. It means she sees you as a threat." Lena sent her a halfhearted smile in response.
"Oh, thank you. That's... great." The last thing Lena wanted, was some onesided rivalry with a girl she barely knew and barely cared to compete with, especially given said person had the advantage.
Lena and June had reached the end of the corridor, preparing to part ways with each other.
"Well, it was nice talking to you! I'll try to... talk my sister down from whatever pedal stool she's on right now, but I can't guarantee it'll work!"
"As long as you try."
Lena did like this June girl: She seemed to be the middle man of her sisters, the overly hyper Webby and the overly confident May, and Lena thought it was nice. She was definitely the kind of person Lena would be friends with back home, if Lena allowed herself to have friends back home.
But based on the 15 second interaction she had with Webby, she didn't have any negative feelings towards her either: She just had a lot of energy that Lena hadn't dealt with before, and Lena wasn't all to sure she was willing to deal with that energy level now.
Lena had finally made it to the door of her and Violet's dorm room, unlocking the door. Violet was nowhere in near sight, probably utilizing the last couple of hours the library was still open for.
"Well, at least I have some alone time, for now." Lena sighed, flopping onto her bed.
She allowed herself to get lost in her thoughts, reflecting both on the events of today and what happened five months ago. Maybe this total eclipse was exactly what would give her the answers she needed. But for five months, she began seeking answers, trying to piece together what happened and who could've possibly done it. It was caused by Magic, and to her recollection, besides a family residing in Finland, her and her mother were the only magical beings on Earth. But nothing was adding up, and it was starting to look like she would have to figure everything out with the help of someone else.
Lena remembered staying temporarily with the family in Finland after everything had happened: They were familiar with her mother, but knew next to nothing about her. But they offered her shelter, food, and some support whenever Lena wasn't pushing them away, and that felt good enough until it started to feel like time was closing in on her. Until what happened to her mom, would happen to her. So she, with the help of the family, devised a plan to return to the Magical realm during the beginning of the new school year, to get more practice with her magic, and to find the culprit. She didn't know what she was expecting, but she felt a weight of disappointment that she had been here for all of three days, and not even the slightest new discovery appeared.
Suddenly, she heard the door unlock, and knew that Violet was back from her study trip.
"Back so soon?"
"No, I'm actually going back. I just forgot a book."
Lena hummed in response, turning her attention to her phone. There wasn't anything eventful going on social media wise, but it was better than the awkward and forced conversations she and Violet had so far.
"Also... Thank you. For sticking up for me today."
"Don't mention it." Lena sent a grin in Violet's direction, waving goodbye as she left the room again to return to her studies. Maybe Violet was the kind of person she needed on this case: She had no magical powers, at least to both of their knowledge, but she did seem to know an awful lot about the magical realm, especially compared to Lena herself.
It had only been 3 days since she was here, but she was already feeling the weight of the stakes: Lena had to do to whatever it took to avenge her late mother, even if it meant facing the culprit head on.
#weird sisters au#ducktales#ducktales 2017#lena sabrewing#webby vanderquack#may duck#june duck#violet sabrewing#xol writes#black heron
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Time for me to be nosy as heck for the fanfic author thing! Hope you don't mind if I ask a lot like you did to me! Here you are: 4, 5, 6, 7, 14, 17, 20, 21, 22, 24, 25, 27, 29, 30, 31, 33, 34, 35, 37, 40 A bunch are the same ones you asked me, but I'm really curious as to what your answers would be. If there's anything you'd like to answer that I didn't ask you, then feel free to add it on if you feel up to it! 💖
Okay, I'm known to ramble at the best of times but I really ran away with myself here. You may want to grab a snack or something first; it's hella long. You've been warned!
4. What made you start writing fanfiction?
When I was like 11/12 I was obsessed with the musical Starlight Express and after trying to google just about everything I could about it I think I stumbled across some fanfiction for it. Well, instantly my little english-class-loving brain grabbed this concept and ran with it. I remember writing my own stories in this cheap little notebook I would hide in my bedside table drawer and it was around this time that TBM came out, so naturally I decided to see if that had any fanfiction too. Turns out it did, and significantly more than Starlight Express might I add, so my creativity ran away with itself and next thing I knew I was setting up my own account and getting properly involved this time. And I guess, as they say, the rest is history...
5. Favourite pairing?
This is pretty tricky for me. Most of the pairings that I have set up are littered with little flaws and things that make them more interesting to write about (and hopefully read about lol) and more realistic. And the already established pairings that I use (i.e. Mack & Brady in old stories or Lela & Tanner) just feel too bland for me to really connect with them, which is probably why I always struggle so much to write for them. I suppose Lela & Tanner can be cute, or at least their potential is; I don't feel like the movies did them justice lol. But for my stuff, at the moment I just feel so out of practice with writing and at such an early stage in the story with Wheels and Waves that I'm not really attached to any of the pairings yet. And besides, the only one I've really established so far is Butchy & Giggles, but if you've read my last chapter then you'll know that that's not exactly doing so hot atm. So, since I can pick holes and find flaws in everyone's relationships too much to pick a favourite, I think I'll pick one I'm excited about that has some of the biggest flaws imaginable: Coral & Hyde. And that's all I'm going to say. Unless you're curious, then ask away lmao.
6. Least favourite pairing?
Okay, I may be a bit controversial here- Actually, this is probably really controversial judging by some of the reviews on my old stories that I was just reading. But I don't really like Mack & Brady… Hear me out! Maybe it's just because I haven't watched the movies for ages and I haven't been thinking about them writing-wise since I abandoned my old stuff but they just seem really bland to me. Don't get me wrong, they're super sweet, but I like giving my characters a bit of grit to work with and make them a little more interesting beneath their 'perfect movie character in an idyllic world' surface and I just could never seem to do that with Mack & Brady. I could never manage to give them any depth and because of that I feel like I just grew to resent them haha. Other people can write for them much better than I can, let's just put it that way. Apart from them though, non-canon-wise in my stories it's got to be Butchy & Coral. Hands down. Honestly, what was I thinking? It was cringey. It was basic. And I think because of it Coral became super one-dimensional and kept losing her way as a character because my whole focus was trying to get them to work as a couple. Spoiler alert: they don't. And since I ditched them I think I was really able to get her to come into her own and develop a much more interesting, albeit worse, side of her.
7. Favourite type of au?
This is probably going to be a quick one because I don't do a lot of au stuff but modern day/high school aus are always a lot of fun. I feel like TBM2 could have done so much cool stuff with that premise but then they went and dumbed down all the characters and really ruined their chance but I think the concept in general is so cute. I'm actually working on something in this vein for my sims blog, but that's not what we're talking about so let's move on.
14. Do the people in your life know you write fic? How do they feel about it?
Nope. I haven't ever mentioned it to my family because I just don't think that they'd 'get' it. I think I mentioned it to one of my best friends ages ago because she also read/casually wrote fanfics but I don't think that she still knows that I've kept it up; she probably just assumes that it was something we both just did when we were 13/14. So they don't really think anything of it; they don't know and probably never will lol. So I just struggle over chapters and ideas and things by myself.
17. What's the harshest criticism you've ever gotten on a fic?
To be honest, I don't think that I've ever really had any super harsh criticism. None that I can remember, anyway. I was reading through the reviews on one story recently and someone told me that I should work on my dialogue for Mack & Brady because it wasn't true enough to their characters and tbh they probably weren't wrong. That's barely criticism but it was the closest that I could find to it in my five minutes of looking and nothing else stood out in my memory so I guess that's what I'll go with. I know that probably sounds super cocky like "omg i'm amazing i never get any criticism from anyone because i'm amazingggg!!!1!!" but honestly all the reviews on my old stuff were just people being nice to me because I was friendly to them and I get next to no reviews on my current stuff, so there's no real opportunity for criticism if there's no interaction in the first place lmao.
20. What's your biggest struggle when it comes to writing fic?
Actually finding the time to write it when I have uni work, family life, stuff with friends and a somewhat healthy sleep schedule to balance as well. I just don't have enough hours in a day. Besides that, when it actually comes to writing I guess I find it hard to stick solely to ideas that progress the plot. I've been trying to work on that a lot more lately and be more ruthless with my planning but sometimes I just get inspired by something fun and in sheer creative desperation I just wedge it into the plot somewhere. And I think that for the reader's sake I need to stop doing this.
21. Your biggest strength?
I don't know if this is what anyone else would consider my biggest strength but I personally really like the way that I can develop the characters beyond what little personality we get to see in the movies. I love working on their story arcs and experimenting with how they 'exist' in my head, like finding out who the quiet souls are, who the loud mouths are and why they act like that. From the snippets we actually see of them in the movies and how basic they are, I'm pretty proud of the characters I've rounded them into in my stories; they feel a lot more real now, to me at least.
22. Which do you do more: read fic or write fic?
I know it's hard to believe, but probably write. I only really keep up with a handful of stories now and I always find I'm more actively thinking about kicking my butt into gear and writing something myself instead of setting out to read someone else's stuff.
24. What's your process?
Daydream and plan out future plot lines for most of the waking hours of the day. Find the fleeting shred of time available in said day to sit down and work on something if both inspiration and motivation are working in my favour. Actually sit down and open up a google doc, perhaps with a cup of tea if I'm feeling particularly adventurous and fancy treating myself for doing something productive. Painfully struggle through the first ten minutes of warming up my writing muscles and getting my creative juices flowing again. Settle into a good rhythm and just let my fingers and the words work their magic until something boring from the real world interrupts me and drags me away from my fictional one. Then repeat.
25. Of all the fics you've written, which is your favourite?
I know it's not necessarily a single fic but I really liked when I was writing the one-shots for Surf, Sun, Sand because I knew that I was writing the things people wanted to read, so I knew there was more of a chance that they'd enjoy them. And it was nice not being constrained to one timeline, I could jump around and play with different pairings, ideas and settings as much as I, well, the requests, wanted. I also really liked my Twelve Days of Cruisin' for a Bruisin' Christmas story, but I can't put that at the top spot because I'm so frustrated that I never got that final chapter up. It was really fun to write though and that's one of the few things that I've written that I'm still happy with to this day lmao. I just think it's sweet and I like how I wrote all the characters, so I'd say that's a win for me.
27. What's your most popular fic? Do you think the popularity is warranted, or is there another fic that you think deserves it more?
Statistics-wise it's Paper Flowers, by a long-shot. 77,485 views and 331 reviews. Now, I think that the fact that there are about a million chapters and I wrote it back when the fandom was thriving has quite a lot to do with that, if not all of it, because I'm almost certain that it can't be the writing, character quality or whatever crap I threw into the plot back then. But for nostalgia's sake, I'll allow it. And to be fair, it was probably alright at the time. I do think, however, that I've developed and improved my writing style over the years, so it would be nice if Wheels and Waves could get a little more popularity (since it's something I'm actually semi-proud of lol). But I just don't have the audience, so what can you do?
29. Which of your fics was the hardest to write?
Just Like Me. By a country mile. Like I mentioned earlier, I really struggle when it comes to writing for Mack & Brady and although I liked the concept (and a few other people did too) I just wasn't ever happy with what I ended up with. The chapters felt boring (which probably had something to do with the fact that I wrote them in my phone notes at 11:30pm), their relationship felt bland and the plot felt like it was going nowhere. I sort of had a vague structure of where I wanted to take it, but when I couldn't seem to get the hang of writing for them every chapter felt like such a challenge.
30. Favourite fic writers?
You, girl! I literally don't even bother to keep up with anyone else anymore because I just don't have the time (uni will do that to a bitch, lol) but I never miss a post of yours and will frequently go and re-read your stuff (especially if it's in preparation for a crossover lmao) if I need a pick-me-up. And like you said, we're practically family now and what kind of internet sister would I be if I didn't support my fam?!
31. Do you write just for fun, or would you ever consider pursuing writing?
I don't think I'd ever actually pursue it as a job. I'm in dentistry school atm so I'm pretty set on becoming a dentist, but even if that wasn't the case, I don't think I have the creativity to create my own unique story with original characters and a whole universe under my control. I just think it's fun to expand on other ideas and grow my own ideas from them.
33. Fanfiction pet peeves?
Bad grammar is really frustrating. But I also just think it's really boring when people will basically re-write the whole movie/story pretty much word-for-word with only the slightest of alterations. Like, I've already watched/read this once, why would I want to do it again? I came here for creativity and fun stories with my fave characters, not the flat-out plot all over again with a cookie-cutter, paper doll inserted into the mix to steal a few lines. It just bored me.
34. First person, second person or third person?
I'd probably put second person last because I just find reader-insert things weird and cringey. Like they legit make me feel uncomfortable sometimes. And then I'd go with first person because although I don't really have a problem with it, it's just never a style I'd choose to write in; I just can't really get the hang of it and I prefer to be able to see and show everyone's perspective on a situation from the outside, which is why good old third person has to be my favourite.
35. OCs, reader inserts or canon pairings?
Like I said, reader inserts creep me out a bit so definitely not those. Canon pairings are a pretty safe bet and can be cute most of the time (I just personally seem to struggle with them lol) and if they're done well (i.e. not basic bitches with no personality that just double as weird reader inserts *cough cough* Coral in Paper Flowers smh 12 year old me) then I think OCs can be really fun and can add another layer to fanfics that takes them beyond the bubble of what's canon.
37. Which character is your favourite to write for?
Saying Coral would be too easy because she's literally my own character, so of course I'm going to enjoy writing for her. So, other than that I'm going to have to say Seacat. I feel much more comfortable writing for the surfers than the bikers anyway, so that definitely plays into it. But I really like the version of him I've created. I really leaned into his sort of fiesty, stubborn side that occasionally showed itself in the movies, which created a super interesting dynamic with his inherent relaxed nature that all the surfers have. He's a really fun character to work with and I've got lots of fun things planned for him, so I think he's earned that top spot. But I'll mention Giggles too because it's been fun developing her character more deeply for Wheels and Waves. I just like a bit more drama, which Seacat can deliver more than my sweet bby G.
40. Imagine yourself 10 years in the future, do you still think you'll be writing fic?
Honestly, who knows? Back when I started I never thought I'd still be writing it at 18, so never say never, I guess.
And since you said I could choose another one, I'll go for 38. From where do you draw inspiration?
I wanted to include this one because I'm literally listening to my Wheels and Waves playlist as I write this to try to get me into that #writingmood. A few different things influence me but music has always been my biggest inspiration. I'm constantly adding new songs to my playlist and finding songs I want to use so badly that I'll rearrange and shift around plot points to work them into the story. For example, that Coral & Hyde relationship I mentioned earlier? Grown entirely from songs. But yeah, I'm always getting inspired by songs, which is why I'm really trying to get a general plan of Wheels and Waves set in stone so that I'll stop being tempted to switch things around and ruin the plot with convoluted ideas I get on a whim because I heard a fun song. On another note though, if you have any song suggestions then hit me up lmao; I'm always looking for more haha.
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Weird question, and it's perfectly okay if "I don't know" is your answer: How did you manage to do grad school AND finish writing so many good fics? I'm writing the lit review for my dissertation right now, and I want to finish several WIPs I have (if nothing else, just to prove to myself that I can), but it just feels like I can barely do either, much less both. Any advice at all?
Ah, no worries! It’s not that odd a question. Actually, someone’s asked me before ^^; My reply to them at the time was here. No need to read it, but it’s some context?
My reply now that my head is in a healthier place is... long and winding and not actually full of that much advice but eh, I rambled as I do. If you just want the advice, scroll all the way down and it’s there.
For starters, I’m not a normal comparison point. This isn’t to pat myself on the back, but for a variety of reasons, writing is something that comes really naturally to me. I’ll detail those reasons, but before I get into that, the point I’m illustrating here is that... sometimes I think people compare themselves to how much I wrote and what else I accomplished in that time and think “hey cool - that is a function human! Why can’t I do that?” And the answer is short answer is that my brain is programmed for pretty much one thing, and that thing is writing writing, and holy crap I was the opposite of a functional human when writing that much and that quickly.
The long answer is -
I’ve been making up stories literally as long as I can remember. I spent my childhood consuming stories. I taught myself to read and was during school I was consistently reading about 8 grade levels above my reading level, and loved learning about narrative structure. I annoyed the shit out of my older brother by reading the same book series as he read, but guessing plot points that were going to happen either in that book or else 2-3 books out. he didn’t get how I would just know and I’d be like “it’s obvious - that’s where the story has to go!” Because I was imagining it in my head - what i would do with it, where it would go, where it had to go. Closing the page mid0chapter and imagining the next-scene, and then picking back up to see how right or wrong I was.
And I had a best friend for most of my childhood through to early adulthood with whom I made stories. Every weekend, creating narratives together, not writing them down but basically roleplaying them by talking them out (voices and all, it was a heck of a lot of fun, as much as it made me pretty much the nerdiest teen in existence). We tried to write a novel when we were 12, got about 7 chapters in. We had a lot of starts and stops on other stories too.
Which isn’t said to stroke my own ego, it’s said to highlight that I have a metric fuckton of explicit and implicit practice at storytelling. It was and sort of is my “whole life”. I also had teachers that helped me develop storytelling skills, and was really freaking lucky to go to a school with an AP program for English that seriously stretched my ability to write fast. We had to write an essay every single class, during class, and have it finished by the end of class (or in less time if we had lecture stuff to go over too) in my last year of high school. The essays could be creative response (i.e., short stories). I wrote a short story almost every week in the space of an hour when I was 17. By the time I got to the end of year final and actually got to use a computer and type that shit instead of hand-cramping halfway through, I somehow managed to write the two-essay final in the allotted 3 hours and, i shit you not, had a wordcount of 6000 words.
That’s still my record. It was probably a dumpster fire but I got 100% probably for sheer volume.
Anyway that was over a decade ago, but the whole reason this life story is pertinent is because -
I have practice. The only way to improve at anything, to get faster at it, for it to ease, is to practice. Practice at storytelling, practice at having to set a scene using just words sitting in my BFF’s room and trying to describe the image I had in my head for how I wanted her to see the scene as it was playing out. Practice at writing fast and getting feedback on how to write. Practice implicitly at trying to imagine what routes stories can take. Practice taking stories apart and piecing them back together, in my head, all the time.
So that’s part of it.
The other part, and this is what I said in my previous post, was depression. I was seriously fucking burnt out and depressed when I started writing coldflash fic, and grad school took a huge toll on my mental health. It’s easier to write when you’re doing it to procrastinate working on your dissertation, and easier to keep writing when you get positive feedback and it feeds those lovely dopamine gremlins in your brain who aren’t getting any positive validation from grad school because holy damn that shit is hard.
I had no balance in my life for a long time. It wasn’t good. I went to counselling. I got more balance. Fic slowed down. Still finished, but not 120k words in 3 months (that was the pace when I started fic writing...jfc I don’t know how I managed.) Life got harder. Fic was now harder to write. I got more counselling. Fic was easier to write. I moved around the world. Fic got harder to write. I started anti-depressants. Narratives now seem to be flowing again.
Regardless of the state of my mental health though, I’ve never written as much as quickly as I did during the middle of grad school. And I think that’s because I was very narratively pent up when I started writing fic. I had been so busy and pushing myself so damn hard in grad school that I didn’t make almost any time for stories, for fic, for imagining my own stories. I was suppressing that side of myself in the service of Focus. So when I burnt out, my narrative side rebounded and said “fuck that noise, I still exist, and we’re making space for me”. It took over. I came literally a hair’s breadth from quitting my PhD post candidacy. Idk what type of program you’re in, but business schools in North America? It’s a 5 year PhD typically, and I was at the end of year 3 and eyeing the door.
Anyway - I say all that because -
I am not a good example and you should not do what I did. Finishing that many long WIPs that quickly wasn’t healthy, and was only possible because I didn’t do much else at the time, and had a lifetime of practice and a narrative rebound to make it even possible.
But -
My actual advice?
1) Practice. Practice. Practice.
Not all at once, but everything counts. Daydreaming counts. Watching shows and thinking of how they could be improved counts. Talking out story ideas with friends counts. Just make it fun. Practice is something we think of as arduous and annoying. Learning new words is practice. Meeting new people and considering their traits is practice. Everything can be practice for writing. All the research you do can be practice for writing. (Random note: a childhood coping mechanism for anxiety that I had was to narrate what I was doing to myself in my head in the 3rd person. Like telling a story of myself walking to gym class in my own head. That was also practice.)
2) Have fun with it!
Don’t making writing an obligation. Then it’s another thing on the list of things you avoid. Finishing stories often feels like an obligation. I’m going through this right now with Needs Must. It can be hard to complete a WIP because you start to have internal anxieties about disappointing readers, not living up to expectations, exhaustion from that narrative, distraction / temporary loss of interest (which is normal! and not actually a bad thing!). All of that then makes you feel guilty, which makes it impossible to get into a creative space to write. You can’t work on the thing you’re avoiding.
3) It’s okay to give your WIPs breathing space.
When you hit a wall, you may need to set it aside and read it again in a month with fresh eyes. You may need to treat your story like someone else’s story. That’s, again, literally where I’m at right now with Needs Must. I just reread a bunch of it and hadn’t really forgotten the details but once they’re on the page they’re out of my head, and so taking some time before going back to reread it made it easier for me to think of like I think of every other story: “what would I do next with this? Oh that’s a twist, that needs to come back later. There’s a theme here, we’ve seen that three times. What’s the best ending I, as a reader now, can imagine for this?”
If avoidance, guilt, and/or writer’s block aren’t your issue, and it’s literally just down to time management -
4) Your graduate degree is more important than your WIPs.
Your WIPs aren’t going anywhere, they don’t have a deadline, and your readers will wait for you, and new ones will find you. Time management is an essential, awful, part of being an academic.
I get more done, both at work and creatively on fic, when I’m just a bit too busy, but that’s me. Figure out what is optimal for you, and do it. When do you get the most writing done? When you’re relieved? When you’re anxious? Late at night? First thing in the morning? When does it flow? When won’t it ruin your graduate career?
(Seriously I was writing fic at work last week and was kicking myself. I don’t have time for that shit! Set boundaries on your time!)
But full serious here, graduate school is exhausting, and almost inherently de-motivating, and even the best damn students eye the door a lot of the time, even if they do finish. It’s stressful and you feel constantly powerless. It’s a lot to need to cope with. I found writing to be a way to cope. That lit review you’re working on? Yeah, it’s zapping your time and energy. That’s normal (unfortunately). And it’s good to give yourself breaks from that to write. Don’t feel guilty for taking time here and there for yourself - to write, or to not write. To relax, unplug, unwind. To close your eyes and daydream (if you’re me) or have a bubble bath (if you’re my sister), or do whatever helps you honestly, genuinely destress. The best thing you can do for both writing and for graduate school is to take breaks and take time for yourself. There is actual science on the importance of breaks, and academics are fucking notorious for putting too much pressure on themselves to actually relax.
5) If you’re burnt out and/or depressed - seek help!
Most universities have resources for mental health! Talk to a doctor! Don’t put too much stress and pressure on yourself! Almost half of grad students are mentally ill at some point!
6) Talk out your stories with friends!
I know I already said this under “practice” but having a fandom friend to bounce ideas with and cheer you on is amazing and essentially. I was in constant contact with Bealeciphers when I started writing, and now I have a different friend who’s helped me the past couple years with writing and developing my stories. Mostly they cheer me on, and when I’m stuck, I tell them where the story is going and what I need help with. But honestly, writing doesn’t need to happen in a vacuum and doesn’t need to be you hunched over a laptop in the dark all alone and staring blankly at a screen (I’m definitely not projecting here, no siree). It’s amazing how motivating it is and how much it can help you stay on track to check in regularly with other writing friends!
7) Pick your battles.
You say you have a... couple(?) of WIPs? How many are you juggling? Is it too many? Do you need to set one (or two??) aside? When my steam was slowly and AATJS and Tumbling Together started to feel like a chore, I set TT aside and took a month break from AATJS then dived right back into AATJS (with the help of the friend mentioned above, cheering me on) because I knew it would be the harder one to finish, and the one that I feared I’d never finish if I put it aside too long. I tackled the biggest hurdle first. If that’s the type of thing for you, I recommend it. Pick the story that’s either the most or least likely to get finished, and focus your energy there.
Another battle-picking thing here? It’s okay to outsource. I’m terrible for not using a proofreader beta. It’s a weird control thing, despite the fact that I love people pointing out typos in my works so I can freaking fix them. The point here is: don’t be like me. If you suck at finding your own typos, use a beta or proofreader. My writer friend who helps me helps when I get stuck. I help them when they need feedback on specific scenes and tones, and I’ve recently discovered they hate editing (I love editing) so this entertains me to no end. Just - you don’t have to do it all yourself. If you feel like you do, see points 5 and 6 again.
Aaaannnddd that’s that. Whew. I just spent... wow, too long on this. I spent as much time on this as I did on my own grad student’s lit review I was providing feedback on today ^^; #whoops
#redhead vs. writing#long post#long post for ts#phyn rambles#writing advice#depression tw#ask to tag#Anonymous
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