#junjin superiority
Text
Unexpected
Summary: Accidental relationships are the worst.
Author's note: A silly little drabble(it's like 5k so idk if it's a drabble lol) I created based on an image @prodmina made for me, this is not related to BMTL at all-it's just a side dish I'm offering to my Junjin lovers. A few days ago we both noticed that these two don't really get much fluff without some angst(I'm guilty of this too so no judgement just an observation) Hence this was created, it's just a one-shot because this idea wouldn't leave my mind. This community is well fed but here's some more food for the hungry. And yes my page break this time is Sujin's sexy leg, I have no regrets.
They've been in the same school for as long as she can remember, her striving to be the best student only second to one and him seemingly showing up to drool on the nearest surface and give the female population heart palpitations. She's thankfully not one of his victims- having actual standards and a fully functional hippocampus; ergo while most girls are drawing hearts on their notebooks with Han Seojun opposite their name, she is turning her nose up at them judging them for their lack of foresight. A pretty face would only last for so long.
They stay out of each other's way, the only thing they have in common is Lee Suho- her childhood friend of many years and his best friends despite their varied differences. She and Suho haven't been spending much time together ever since she moved out with her mother, but he was still one of her oldest friend and someone she cared about. Long story short, they both spent years imprisoned with a monster and now they were free.
Her life was looking brighter, more technicolor and staying away from a thug like Han Seojun was only adding to its quality.
Which is why she's dumbfounded when they run into each other, at the most inopportune of time. She's walking home after her academy classes, being a pediatrician isn't going to be child's play and she has to take every possible advantage to make her dreams a reality. Without her father’s money backing her she has to accomplish this with her own merits, she is looking forward to proving him wrong.
Airpods in, she doesn't notice the group stalking her until it's too late. One by one they begin to surround her, leering at her body like she's a piece of meat on display- it makes the hairs on the nape of her neck raise in trepidation and disgust.
"Isn't it too late for a pretty girl like you to be wandering all alone outside?" The one she assumes is the leader croons, voice dripping in faux concern as he rubs his hands resembling a villian out of a 1940′s comic book.
She immediately begins to catalog how many of them there are, strategizing the best way to take them down. Fifteen of them. She can't fight them all, the best she can do is distract a few and make a run for it.
"Isn't it too early for vermin like you to be wandering the streets?" She replies snidely, rolling her eyes when they all whistle at her jab. This is such a pathetic end to her day, it's honestly beneath her.
"I'll make you regret that comment, you bitch!" Already with the name calling, this guy really was a cartoon villian and he couldn't even construct something creative to call her. instead choosing the most generic insult in the book. With a sigh she moves into a fighting position, fists raised guarding her face and legs apart.
"Let's just get this over with, you're sucking up all the air with that snout you call a nose." All she sees is his sneer and eyes huge in rage before he lunges at her, his movements are so predictable and she sidesteps kicking at the back of his knee swiftly. Then she grabs another arm that comes flying at her face cruelly twisting and flipping him over her body, his groan of pain music to her ears. She easily taking them out without breaking much of a sweat, she had been fighting since she was young and they were all clearly not trained fighters, just bumbling idiots playing gangster.
But then she hears the cold metallic click of a knife uncoiling. A shiver races down her spine. They really were low-lives, she hadn’t expected them to actually pull out a weapon.
"You need a knife to take on one girl? Can you even call yourself a gang?" The words are exactly the ones that are in her brain but she's not the one who utters them, a new voice has entered the fray. A familiar voice at that.
This day just keeps getting worst.
"Han Seojun, how about you mind your business we found her first she's ou--"
The rodent looking asshole never gets to finish his sentence as her leg comes flying at his face as she executes a perfect roundhouse kick, slicing through the air and landing devastating blow on his cheek sending him flying to the ground in a heap.
"Damn Sujin! And you call me a thug! I think you killed him." Seojun cries sputtering in disbelief motioning at the motionless body on the ground but she notes the impressed raise of his eyebrow. Like she needs him approval.
While the rest of the band of idiots are helping up their leader she realizes this is her chance, without a word to Seojun she takes off running. Easily jumping over one of her fallen attackers and stepping on his shoulder for momentum, he cries at her harsh treatment.
Turning back she sees Seojun deck a guy in the face knocking him out before he starts chasing after her, his long legs eating up the gap between them in no time, she's temporarily grateful that he's not the one chasing her the damn beanpole.
"Are you secretly a ninja or something?" She snorts at his terrified face, chucking when he keeps looking waiting for an answer as if he truly believes she might be. Nosy idiot.
"If I tell you, I'll have to kill you." She answers straight faced, watching as horror blossoms on his face and her musical laughter saturates the streets as she runs faster, he shakes his head at her smirking in reply.
It's the beginning of the end, but she had no idea.
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Somehow it becomes the catalyst they need to break the seal between them, she expects everything to go back to its rightful place- them ignoring the other’s presence as they've always done and only speaking when they had something rude to say, their normal. But as she's walking in the hallway she hears him shouting her name behind her, immediately all eyes in the hallway dart to them.
"Kang Sujin! Yah! I'm talking to you!" He garners the attention of everyone in the vicinity and she turns around, annoyance purposely all over her face. He needs to know that she is not amused with him.
"Yeah, people across town can hear you. What do you want?"
"Are you calling me loud?" He cries defiantly, obnoxiously even louder than before. The smirk on his face letting her know that it’s intentional, she aches to kick it off his face.
"Is the sky blue?" She sarcastically responds, waiting for him to catch up as they walk side by side.
"A better analogy to use would be is Han Seojun handsome?" She gags as he starts posing with a finger under his chin, in the distance she can hear high pitched squeals of his name.
She picks up her pace, regretting even giving him a moment of her time. She must have lost her mind for a moment, it wouldn’t happen again.
"No wonder you're single. Who could compete with your love for yourself? I have something to do so I'll leave first." She doesn't wait for his response, leaving to do nothing but that's none of his business.
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But it doesn't end there, they just keep orbiting into each other. Their groups converging at lunch and when the boys are having a heated argument about who's the best character on Dragon Ball Z, they both passionately shout out "Vegeta!!" In unison making everyone turn to face them in shock that they've agreed on something. They stare at each other as flabbergasted before Seojun pushes his hand out, palm flat and expectant look on his face.
She simply stares back blankly, considering leaving him hanging just to see that stupid offended look he always gets around her but in the end she slaps her hand firmly against his, at least he was smart enough to know that Saiyan prince was the best.
Clap!
"Someone mark it on a calendar! Seojun and Sujin agreed on something!" Su-ah exclaims clapping her hands and smiling brightly, they both argue when several members at the table pull out their phones to commemorate the special occasion. She wrestles with Jukyeong, who's surprisingly strong and breaks free from her hold while sticking her tongue out.
"You're all so annoying!" They both explode again simultaneously, Seojun hanging off Chorong's arm as he tries to confiscate his phone, she glares at him for giving them another reason to laugh at them and Su-ah cheerily calls out, "Add that to the calendar too, they're so in sync!"
It's the worst lunch of her life, she kicks Seojun under the table. This was all his fault. Glaring when he kicks her back and they end up kicking each other until the period ends, oblivious to the stares around them.
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At the end of the day she's eager to go home and do nothing, which is exactly when she feels someone tugging at her backpack forcefully dragging her backwards.
"Yah! Let go of me!" She cries out, slipping her arms out of her bag and turning around in a fighting position.
"At ease super soldier, it's just me." He replies as if that means anything, but she does lower her fists; marginally. To let him know she's ready to go at any minute.
"What do you want now?" She grumbles peering up at him and when he turns walking away with her backpack still in his arms, she chases after for that reason alone.
"I'm going to the arcade. They have the new Dragon Ball Z game."
She should go home and study, she promised herself she would review her notes from class today. She couldn't afford to slack off if she wanted a good life after all.
She opens her lips to say all of this, to remind him that they can't all be pretty boy models like him some of them actually had to work for a living but instead she hears, "Fine. You're buying me something to eat."
He begrudgingly agrees after complaining, "Aren't you rich? Why do I have to buy you food?" She skips off ignoring his rationale, only stopping when she sees his motorcycle parked in the lot. She's always wanted to ride a motorcycle.
"Let's take your bike." She says confidently, not leaving him any room to refuse.
He looks at her unimpressed before a cheeky smile spreads across his face, "You've always wanted to ride with me huh? Do you have dreams about it at night?" He teases her and she lazily watches him before walking up to him, looking directly into his eyes. He unconsciously takes a step back and she smirks, stepping closer again.
" Are you nervous? Scared I might really be having dreams about you?" She watches his Adam's apple bob apprehensively before smacking him quickly on his cheek, he jolts in surprise.
"You wish pretty boy. Now get the keys, I don't have all day."
He gulps before snapping back to reality, wordlessly starting his bike.
The entire school watches as they ride off together, her arms wrapped tight around his waist the wind whipping through her hair. She's never felt anything so exhilarating.
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Their lives become entangled, it's the only way to describe it somewhat accurately. She goes to his house for weekly dinners and sometimes her mom comes too, his mom is a great cook while hers can barely boil water. It's a win-win scenario. They also study together, his grades aren't horrific but they could be better. There isn't much ceremony, he stomps over telling some boy he needs that seat and she watches as the poor kid scrambles, grabbing all his book and running away apologizing the entire way.
"You have good grades right?" He says matter-of-fact less of a question and more of a statement before he pulls out actual textbooks from his bag. She rolls her eyes before nodding and turning back to her own studies. They study every Tuesday and Wednesday, he's always on time and treats her to tteokbokki. so she allows this transgression.
She knows immediately why he asked for help when she sees his math test magnetized to his refrigerator door, big red A- circled. His mother brags about his score all throughout dinner, even cheering for her when Seojun informs her that she got an A+ on the same assignment. They both blush as she gushes about how smart they are.
When the nightmares get too realistic and she can’t handle it alone anymore, he drops her off to therapy sessions and brings her to the gym after so she can release all her anger on a punching bag. He never asks her what's wrong but he drops her home after and the silence is comfortable between them.
They both never mention their dads but she goes to the cemetery with him and stands quietly as he pays his respect and takes him to get ice cream after, the dinner with his family after is somber but she wouldn't rather be anywhere else.
They never discuss what exactly is going on between them, they're just there for each other and that's enough.
At least she thought it was.
It's stupid but ever since they became...closer he's been getting more confessions than usual even for him they pour down like rain. Multiple girls a day sometimes as if they took numbers and decided to go in order, she dodges them at every turn but there's always a tinge in her chest and she contemplates going to the nurse because there must be something medically wrong with her.
She can barely taste the fried pork as she watches another girl shuffle over to their table, giant red heart box pressed tight against her chest as she approaches Seojun. His friends all notice and are chanting his name, elbowing and shouldering him excitedly.
“Han Seojun! Han Seojun!”
Su-ah suddenly places a warm hand on her knee, she looks at her in shock. Fear gripping at her as the other girl stares at her with gentle comforting eyes. She pushes the hand away. She doesn’t need comfort, she is fine. Fine.
Her throat tightens as the confession starts.
"Han Seojun, I-I've liked you since last year. Willyougooutwithme?" This isn't new, they usually lose their nerve at the end sputtering out their feelings all over him. She never sticks around long enough to hear his answers, but this time she has no choice; if she leaves that would be suspicious. It would give people the wrong impression.
She swallows her blueberry milk, he'd tossed it at her this morning saying he bought the wrong one. Coincidentally that was her favorite. It taste like chalk now on her tongue.
"Sorry, I'm not interested." He answers truly sounding apologetic, she shifts in her seat, pointedly staring at her food. Stifling her smile by stuffing cold noodles into her mouth.
There is a long silence as the cafeteria watches, all waiting for the girl’s reaction. Usually there are tears, loud wailing cries and pleading for another chance, but sometimes they are silent as they walk off heartbroken, friends waiting to soothe them.
The girl sighs, but unlike the others who usually scurry away, she speaks again, "Can I ask why? Do you already like someone?"
A thrumming energy fills the room following her question, girls all looking around at each other, preening hopeful that they've captured the heart of the resident bad boy. She just wants this uncomfortable moment to end already, it's giving her indigestion.
"Yes. I like someone."
It feels like a sledgehammer to her chest, ignoring Su-ah's hand clutching at hers she stands up grabbing her tray. Nobody pays her any mind besides her two best friends, she weakly smiles at them, "I'm all done. I'm gonna head to the library I'll see you both later."
She tosses out her tray viciously, forcing herself not to look back.
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Avoiding him isn't easy, he's always there waiting for her or texting her to ask why she isn't coming over for dinner because his mother made her favorite. She's never lied to him before but she finds herself doing just that, feigning illnesses and late night classes. Which only results in him offering to bring her soup and give her a ride to said classes. Like she said their lives were for lack of a better word, entangled.
But she sticks to it, keeping her distance from him as she tries to understand why exactly she's doing this. He's her friend she should be happy that he likes someone, he was an idiot but it was probable that the feeling was mutual. He would finally have a girlfriend, someone to fill the spot she had been temporarily occupying. Someone he could bring home for dinners and someone to accompany him at his father's grave. Someone to talk to late at nights when he had a nightmare about losing his family and couldn’t fall asleep. Someone, not her.
"I'm happy for him. I should be feeling sorry for the poor girl he likes." She whispers to herself, aimlessly scrolling on her phone. Instagram has been a great source of distraction lately. As soon as she opens the app she sees a red dot pop up, a notification. She taps it seeing that she's been tagged in a photo, then another notification pops up and another and another and they start coming in too quickly for her to keep up.
"What the hell?" She admonishes aloud, clicking randomly on one of the notifications ready to see what's causing such an uproar.
It's a picture of her.
She remembers the day clearly, Seojun had forced her to go with him to a new diner that specialized in American cuisine, all so he could stuff his face with pancakes. She had no clue he'd taken a picture of her. Something that feels butterflies flutters in her stomach as she reads his caption.
How do you get a princess to forgive you?
Was this some kind of joke? What the hell was he thinking? She bulks at all the likes and comments on the photo after only two hours, she'd never gotten that much attention on a photo but she rarely posted pictures of her face. There were a lot of creeps online.
Nervously she taps to view the comments, it's a mixed bag of reactions. Girls she's never met before cursing her very existence as if she's a threat to their imaginary relationship with him and the very same creeps that caused her not to post selfies on her page posting disgusting sexual comments.
She instinctively taps to reply to rip them to shreds before she realizes that Seojun has already replied to every comment from a guy, threatening them explicitly and a few comments are even accusing him of deleting comments. There are a few comments calling her pretty but those are few and far in between and usually they are attacked in their replies by other jealous fan girls.
Anger bubbles in her gut, what the fuck was he thinking posting a picture of her for all these vipers to see?
Impulsively she taps the screen harshly, fingers flying across her keyboard.
Delete this now. Are you insane? Who are you calling a princess?!
Almost immediately she regrets her rash decision as comments flood in.
How dare you talk to oppa like that?
Oppa see she doesn't deserve you!
Who is this snotty bitch?
You're not pretty enough to be this stuck up honestly, no offense.
You should be happy a hot guy is posting you, ungrateful.
She's tempted to reply to each comment, who did think they were talking to, she wasn't some pushover, let's see if they would have this much gall to say this to her face. She'd taken on a gang of would be thugs, she had no problem beating some sense into some bitches.
But they're not worth her time or energy.
Swiping the app close, she takes a calming breath. Counting to three. Then five. Then ten. Then twenty. When her anger is nothing but a low thrum beneath her skin, she opens her contacts going to get favorites and clicking his name, bringing her phone to her ears.
"Finished ignoring me princess?" He answers smoothly, sounding far too relaxed for all the trouble he's caused. She wants to wring his neck.
"Have you lost your mind?" She cuts to the chase, huffing angrily as her phone buzzes with more notification. "Han Seojun you better delete that picture right now!"
"You've been ignoring my calls and texts and pretending you don't see me at school. What else was I supposed to do?" She can hear the strain in his voice, but he doesn't sound angry, no that's his hurt voice.
"I've just been busy. You didn't need to do something this... extreme."
He scoffs, clearly not believing her excuse. It sounds weak to even her own ears, they'd gotten too close they made time for each other, doing the most mundane things together, he even helped her clean her house sometimes and she would regularly help him shop for groceries.
"Come open your door. I think we need to talk."
He hangs up after his statement, leaving her to stare at her phone in shock.
"That little piece of shit." She curses, running a hand through her hair before she hops out of bed, running to open her apartment door. She slows down as she nears the door, not wanting him to think her too eager. She's not.
Running her hand through her hair again, she slowly pulls open the door. A breath swooshes through her lips at the sight of him, she's been avoiding him so much it's overwhelming to be staring at him directly like this.
They stare at each other, the air unexpectedly charged between them as their gazes meet.
"It's rude to leave someone standing outside." He quips finally, pressing past her before she can reply to his complaint, she huffs in annoyance stepped aside to give him entry.
Familiarly he toes off his boots, putting on the slippers her mom had purchased for him after his presence became more constant. Then he strides across the small space of her living room, sitting on her couch and glancing at her expectantly. She closes her door with a sigh, walking over and sitting in the single love seat. He stares at her hard. She struggles to keep his gaze.
"What did I do? Whatever it is, I'm sorry. If you tell me what it is, I probably won't do it again."
She's so taken back by his immediate apology that she stupidly focuses on the least important word in the sentence, "Probably?"
He shrugs in reply, "I like pushing your buttons. You like it too. So I can’t make promises until I know what I did.”
She can't argue with his assessment, they did have a very unusual relationship built on mutual sarcasm and backhanded compliments. They both were masters of never truly saying what they were thinking or feeling, too scared of rejection to make the final jump of fate. So they just kept crashing into each other, prodding and poking without recognizing why.
"I'm not mad at you." She admits, she has no reason to be upset. He hadn't done anything besides like someone else, that wasn't a crime. Unless the judge was her heart and then he had committed the most heinous of crimes.
"Then why are you avoiding me?" The crux of it all, she was avoiding him because he forced her to acknowledge the secret she'd kept so hidden even she was unaware of it until it hit her over the head.
"Why do you care so much?" She counters defensively, feeling naked under his penetrating stare.
He laughs coldly, "Answering my question with a question. Never took you for a coward Kang Sujin."
She bristles at the snide remark, who was he to call her a coward?
"If I'm a coward why are you here? Why post my picture on your Instagram? Don't you like someone, why are you here bothering me!" She hisses at him, each word gradually increasing in volume until she's screaming at his blank face. Then he starts laughing, pure unhindered laughter from his belly that stings her ears. She made herself too obvious.
"Aren't you supposed to be smart?"
"What do you mean by tha-" He cuts her off before she can finish shouting, "How do you not know that I was talking about you?"
Her voice drains like water slipping down a sink as she hears the words he said, she blinks before her mouth falls open in shock.
"Was I really letting you tutor me? What was I thinking?" He laments to the ceiling, mocking her but she's too riled up now already climbing out of her seat and striding over to him. He jolts backwards as she places her hands on his shoulders, searching his face and delighting at his wide eyes before climbing into his lap. He wheezes but his hand immediately latch onto her hips. She stares at him closely, eyes trailing from his hypnotic eyes, down to his lifted pert nose and lingering on his full plush lips.
"You like me." She states, watching how his eyes flutter shut before landing on her own lips.
"I thought it was very clear. Who else could I have been talking about, I spend all my time with you."
He's right, they did spend a lot of time together prior to her self-preserving decision to avoid him like the plague. She hadn't realized when her feelings for him had changed, thinking they were simply friends the entire time. A friend that she thought about constantly, who she wanted to spend all her time with and sometimes she's idly imagine kissing or holding his hand. She certainly hasn't expected anything.
But here he was offering. She wasn’t a good enough person to turn it down.
"I'm going to kiss you. Stop me if you don't want that." She states boldly, now that she knows this is on the table, he's on the table she is practically starving and all her doubts have transformed into the desire, the desire to touch and be touched. He glances at her, his patented 'are you stupid?' stare and she laughs before smashing their lips together. It's hard and a little uncomfortable, with their lips just roughly pressed together and she wonders if they're doing it right before his hands stroke her cheeks, tilting her head as he slows down the kiss until it's sweeter and softer and oh, is that his tongue? He swipes at her sealed lips and she only hesitates for a moment before slowly opening and allowing him entrance.
This takes the kiss to another level, as her head swims at his flavor- something spicy and earthy irrevocably Seojun that she finds addicting and she eagerly sticks her tongue into his mouth, licking at his moist cavern. Wet smacks fill the air as they suck at each other's face, his large hands nearly circling her waist entirely she shivers at the touch, feeling small and delicate in his arms. He reaches up a hand to caress her hair and she mimics the move, pushing her hand through his thick hair tugging at the end of his mullet. When they break apart, panting into each other's mouths she feels like her soul has been set ablaze.
"Since you're so smart I guess I don't have to tell you how I feel." She says trying to regain her composure and her breath, her lungs feel winded like she's run a marathon.
"Of course not. Everyone likes me, you're no exception." He replies cockily and she groans in exaggerated disgust pushing him away and clamoring out of his lap, but he tightens his grip with a deep chuckle easily manhandling her until they are laying on her couch, her back to his front. His breath is hot on her neck.
"My mom will be home soon, we can't stay like this." She warns reaching back to move his arm which is digging into her back, dragging his arm over her waist and squirming until she's comfortable.
"I know. We still have an hour. She's working overtime tonight."
Of course he knows her mom's schedule, she tries to smother her smile. She fails but nobody seems so she'll take it as a partial victory.
He reaches over her, grabbing the remote before switching on Netflix and putting on a movie they'd started before but never finished because she had fallen asleep on his shoulder. He had complained about her drooling on his favorite sweater the next day at school, as she shushed him and people looked over at the odd pair.
"You're gonna delete that picture right?" She asks, only barely focused on the movie too distracted by his warmth behind her. She has to smother a moan when he starts stroking aimlessly on her waist. His fingertips igniting her skin in a warm burn that travels to her heart and lower.
"Humph why can't I have a picture of my girlfriend on my page?"
She turns around immediately, "Girlfriend? Who said anything about that," she rebuttals watching his eyes narrow until they're barely slits. She doesn't hate that look on him.
"You kiss someone who isn't your boyfriend like that?" She blushes at him mentioning that, the kiss still very vivid in her mind, her lips still tingling.
"Shut up." She huffs punching him in the chest, but he catches her hand and yanks her close until they're chest to chest, noses almost touching, lips a hair's breadth apart.
"I'm going to kiss my girlfriend, stop me if you don't want it." He echoes her earlier words, gripping the back of her head as he stares at her a clear challenge, smirking when she doesn't move away before he devours her lips again. She groans around his tongue in her mouth, wrapping her arms around his shoulders as their lips slide wetly against each other.
When the jingle of keys sound several minutes later, she tumbles off the couch frantically as her mom pushes the door open. She wipes her lips, before looking up at Seojun; he looks wrecked- hair tussled and sticking up in different directions, his cheeks are burning red looking hot to the touch and his lips are sore and wet. Her heart does a somersault in her chest at the sight.
Fuck. That's my boyfriend.
🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼🦵🏼
She lets him keep the photo on his account in the end, it keeps the hungry fan girls away and guys leave her alone for the most apart. She ignores his smirk when he sees her comment under the photo.
To everyone who has something to say, Han Seojun is mine. If you have a problem with that, come say it to my face.
Nobody ever comes to say it to her face.
“You’re cute when you’re jealous princess.” He teases her, and she scoffs at him, “You’re one to talk, didn’t you almost get into a fist fight today because someone commented that they wanted to ‘tap that’?”
He growls at the memory of that, only the principal strolling in had stopped him.
“You guys are perfect for each other, both deadly and gorgeous.” Su-ah adds gleefully pushing her way between them and linking arms on both sides.
She pushes his hand away when he immediately reaches for her, “Yah! Give me back my girlfriend!” He whines desperately trying to circumvent Su-ah and grab her hand, whining loudly about third wheels and people trying to get in the way of true love.
She’ll never get tired of hearing that.
She was Han Seojun's girlfriend and he was her boyfriend, everyone could stay mad.
#true beauty#true beauty kdrama#han seojun#kang sujin#junjin#junjin superiority#the power they hold#I would kill for a season 2 focused on them#fluff#first kiss#park yoona#hwang inyeop#idiots to usdiots
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China Concrete Pump Trucks Market Share, Growth & Demand 2019
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You Found Me
Summary: They always say when it rains, it pours.
Author’s Note: Wow. It feels surreal to be back writing this, my tumblr peeps know I was taking a much needed mental break from writing in general ( I was feeling very much burned out and tired) but I am back now and I literally had to reread my own story to remember where I left off LMAO but it’s here finally. Please excuse any typos because I will not be fixing them now, I have been writing all day. But thank you to anyone who supports this story and was waiting for this chapter, your support means the world to me. Special thanks to @serxeins who motivates me daily and checks on me and never pressures me to write. You are a ray of sunshine my dear, I would dedicate this chapter to you but IDK if you want that, it’s a bit of a roller coaster again. Hehehe oops sorry not sorry. Leave a comment if you like it :)
Su-ah’s house isn’t what anyone would call lavish, with its small size and quaint furnishings- worn out chairs with dated floral print and mismatched accessories scattered across a messy table. But the warmth that immediately washes over her is something that she has never felt in her own home, something that cannot be bought nor duplicated. Su-ah’s parents both call out to her, “You’re home!” and the girl in question, eagerly kicks off her shoes gracelessly to tumble into the kitchen where their voices clearly came from. She watches with a longing that has gripped her insides since she was young and her heart would yo-yo into her stomach every time her father returned from work. Back then there was no jubilation, only numbing fear that made her insides feel like they were freezing and burning simultaneously.
“What’s for dinner?” Su-ah demands allowing her mother to tug her into a hug whilst her father rubs the knuckles of his large hand in her short hair. She playfully swats the hand away with a giggle and Sujin has to swallow the bile that creeps into her throat at the memory of the last time her father’s knuckles were near her head.
She stands awkwardly watching the affectionate interaction wanting nothing more than to disappear, this is just as painful as being at Seojun’s house. Everyone has parents that seem to love them and then there’s her, unloved and unwanted. Maybe she made the wrong decision by coming here.
Su-ah’s mother pulls her out of her self-inflicted abyss, “Sujin sweetie, Su-ah didn’t tell us you were coming over? Are you staying for dinner?”
She freezes at the question, Su-ah had invited her so readily that she had just assumed that her parents were also aware of her intrusion, guilts builds slowly as she opens her dessert dry lips to respond wondering if she’ll be welcomed back at the Han house.
“Mom, can Sujin stay the night? Her parents are out of town and I think she’s too young to be home all alone don’t you think? Dangerous people are everywhere these days.” This is said all within one breathe and she feels her eyes widen from the lie and she feels her stomach drop, but her chance of being allowed to stay here hinges on these two adults that she has only met a hand full of times caring about her safety enough to let her intrude in their house. She wishes she could just skip the humiliation when they deny her entry, because they will. Why should they care about the wellbeing of any child besides their own?
Why would they care about her?
“Oh. Of course! You are absolutely right dear, how could be allow Sujin to stay alone in that big house. She can stay until her parents are back, it’s only right?” Su-ah’s mom glances over at her husband and they have a quick conversation with their eyes, before he nods enthusiastically agreeing, “Stay as long as you need to. You are always welcome in our home.”
Su-ah doesn’t respond as if their answers were a given. She in contrary has to struggle not to ask them why they even care about her, but her confusion must be apparent on her face based on the sad look that washes over Su-ah’s pretty face.
“Come on Sujin-ah let’s go wash up. I’ll lend you some clothes.” Before she can refuse, they should probably help her parents with dinner right? But her parents wave them off breezily, their laughter following them as Su-ah tugs her out of the small room and up the stairs to her room.
“I already know what you’re thinking. I know it’s hard but to my parents you are just my best friend. Someone that has always stood up for me and stayed beside me even though I’m not rich like you. They know how much you mean to me, that’s why they care about you too.”
She flounders like a fish hoisted on land, words escaping her. In the end she merely nods because Su-ah leaves no room for argument.
“Here put this on.” The usually bubbly girl thrusts a sweatshirt and shorts at her. She takes the clothes and quietly walks to the bathroom to change, her head heavy with thoughts caught between her insecurities and the newfound confidence that has been pushing at the cracks in the surface.
She has people that care about her. What a novel experience.
Dinner is a rambunctious affair although she feels like a voyeur, she only speaks when spoken too and finds herself lost in how comfortable they are with each other. She also chokes on her kimchi when Su-ah’s father starts to ask her about school and her plans for college, he catches her off guard and this results in her answering honestly before her brain has a chance to intervene.
“I want to help children in troubled homes.”
Everyone stops eating, the clinks of chopsticks on bowls ringing loudly in her ears and she can’t bring herself to look up. Too frightened about what she’ll see on their faces, too terrified of herself for saying it when she didn’t even know this was something she herself wanted. She isn’t even done helping herself so could she help anyone else, plus she’s had so much outside assistance along the way. Is she even qualified to help anyone else when she is still a mess and her friends are the only reason that she hasn’t crumbled to pieces, is it arrogant of her to assume that anyone could possible want--
“I think that’s very admirable sweetie. This world needs more people like you, Su-ah why can’t you have a selfless dream like that? We should replace you with Sujin!” Just like that the tension is broken, as Su-ah’s mom pinches her on the arm and the other girls dramatically cries out hiding behind her for protection and she feels a weight lift off her chest.
Seojun doesn’t message her as she assumed he would and she tries not to be affected by his lack of communication, but it stings in a notable way that has her wondering if he’s mad about her stunt in the cafeteria. But she’s unable to muster up the courage to send the first message, so instead she falls asleep with his smile in her mind and his phantom touch on her skin.
Breakfast is a more frenzied than lunch with everyone moving like mechanized toys around each other in a way that screams domesticity and before she knows it they are marching up the incline that leads to their school arms linked as per Su-ah who is chattering away on her side.
“--So we decided we were better off as friends.” She jolts back to reality at the casually stated fact, twisting to look at her best friend in shock.
“Wait what? Better off as friends?” She echoes stupidly, forcing herself to not look for a certain gigantic figure and focus all her attention on Su-ah who looks forlorn but not devastated.
“Tae-hoon. We broke up.”
She stops suddenly and it forces Su-ah to stumble before catching herself too.
“What? When?” She scours her brain trying to recall if she noticed anything strange about them lately but she can’t remember because someone else has been flooding her thoughts, most days they go home together and she’s lost track of the amount of times she has fallen asleep while on the phone with him.
She had become of one those girls.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Su-ah I’ve been so selfish. I’m the worst friend, I just dump my problems on you and don’t even listen--” It’s a good thing that Su-ah interrupts her with firm hands on her shoulders because she can feel her chest begin to tighten and her eyes start to prick with hot wetness and she absolutely cannot cry at school, not with these vultures anticipating her downfall.
“Sujin, breathe.”
She sucks in a huge gust of air filling her lungs before exhaling with a wheezing squeak, sounding like a balloon decompressing. Su-ah doesn’t laugh though calmly talking her off the edge until the static in her ear stops and she can breathe again with feeling like she’s going to collapse.
“Are you okay?” Su-ah asks pulling her into a loose hug and she feels embarrassed, nothing this mundane has ever set off an attack before. She wrongfully thought she was getting better.
“I’m okay. Just feel stupid, you all do so much for me and I can’t even be there for you.” She mumbles into her friend’s back straps and of course the universe just keeps kicking her when she’s down because it’s then that she hears the familiar rumble of motorcycle and then the skid of tires on asphalt. Clumsily she tries to detach herself from Su-ah, pulling her towards the school before they are spotted.
Su-ah stumbles after her, calling out her name and trying to tug her backwards but she didn’t train all those years to let the slim girl overpower her. Purposely (cowardly) she just keeps moving, needing to put more space between them despite missing him so much yesterday. She feels too vulnerable right now, too soft and malleable to the touch. But she misses how easily he spots her towering over almost everyone else, those long legs eating up the space she put between them in mere seconds and just as her hand touches the door handle his hand touches her shoulder, a light barely there touch that makes her skin pimple up with goosebumps.
“Hey baby.”
He sounds relaxed, but there’s an undercurrent to his voice. Something she can’t quite put her finger on.
“Su-ah,” he states greeting her friend and the bubbly girl chirps back as she stares at a spot on the ground.
“The bell’s about to ring. I need to get something from my locker, I’ll see you both later.”
She tightens her grip on Su-ah’s hand, refusing to let her go like this. She wants to be a better friend.
“It’s okay, I mean it. I am okay. So please stop beating yourself up, just talk to your boyfriend we can catch up later. I’ll invite Jukyeong over too, we can all chat okay?” Su-ah untangles their hands and bounds off with more cheer than she expects after hearing the news.
Seojun’s hands curls around shoulder in comfort before sliding down to her back, sloping around her waist and dragging her closely with barely concealed strength.
“What happened? Did something happen at her house?” He sounds so worried that she instinctively looks up and those feline eyes are filled with concern and the desire to kiss him almost knocks her over with its intensity.
“I found her about her and Tae-hoon.”
He places his chin on top of her head with a soft sigh, and she absently remembers that they are in the middle of the hallway but she can’t bring herself to push him away, his cologne tickles her nose.
“Oh that,” he responds walking her backwards out of the way of oncoming traffic as the minutes until the bell rings lessen, she can hear the frenzied whispers all around them but his body pressed against hers forces all other thoughts out.
“How did you know?” she demands.
“He wouldn’t stop crying. He even came to my job, I had to kick him out. But why are you so upset about that? Su-ah seems okay.”
“Was I the only one who didn’t know? I feel like an idiot, how can I even call myself her best friend?” A stray tear escapes from her ironclad hold and he brushes it away with the pad of his thumb, humming lowly before drawing her further into his chest his smell all but surrounding her.
“Don’t be upset. Su-ah knows that you’re going through so much.”
“But I’m her best friend!” She argues, she doesn’t want an out or excuses for her behavior.
“Okay. Is that all you’re upset about though? That you didn’t know about Su-ah and Tae-hoon?” He sees through her like a glass door, she has to fight the urge to shove him away and yell at him that he knows nothing about her. That would simply be a lie, a falsity because he knows too much about her in actuality.
“Yes.” She lies, stomping down on her hurt from last night.
“Princess.” He growls and she huffs hating how that pet name makes her stomach flutter and hating how much she doesn’t hate it anymore, not even a little bit.
“It’s nothing. I’ll get over it.”
“Tell me. Please.”
Damn him. Damn him straight to hell. The pleading in his voice disarms her and even the bell ringing shrilly in the distance is not enough to break this moment, not like his voice breaks her resolve.
“You didn’t text me last night.” She mumbles under her breath and pulls away from him rushing to class before he can respond, her cheeks stained red in embarrassment. Ignoring him calling her name behind her, she grabs the door to their classroom running inside. She wants nothing more than to evaporate into nothingness but that scientific marvel doesn’t occur so instead she takes her seat and pointedly avoids his eyes has he glides into the room. She shivers as he brushes past her, loudly taking his seat uncaring that they’re late and their teacher is glaring at them both.
Class goes off without a hitch, before a folded white square lands on her table. Making sure nobody is watching she unfolds it, slowly and quietly heart thumping away.
Meet me on the roof during lunch. Let’s talk.
It’s simple to recognize his handwriting with the slopping l’s and messy t’s and she turns to look at him without thought, meeting his hypnotizing stare and when he lifts a thin eyebrow she jumps twisting back around.
Thinking.
He didn’t know what to say or do. After the run in with Sujin’s mother he had contemplated calling her and telling her everything immediately but memories of how her eyes hardened when she looked at Suho made him give pause. What if she thought he was the one who initiated that meeting behind her back and started to ignore him?
No. He had to talk to her face to face, calling her would only lead to him exposing his every thought and he couldn’t bear the idea of her pulling away from him now after how far they had come, other people even knew about their relationship now. He never thought they would reach that point this soon.
He hadn’t looked inside the envelope, it wasn’t meant for his eyes. It was in his backpack, weighing him down with every step he took up the staircase. Sujin had been avoiding him since this morning, so he mildly feared she wouldn’t show up but nonetheless he continued up the stairs to a location that held memories for them both, it was where he decided that he wasn’t going to give up on her even though back then he had no idea what his feelings would grow to be.
Slamming the door open, he almost jumps himself seeing Sujin’s figure already waiting for him.
“You came.” He says unnecessarily but she spins around, her skirt swishing with the motion until they are facing each other. The sun beams down her on face, giving it a sunkissed glow that temporarily stuns him.
“What do we need to talk about?” She replies, getting straight to the point and the wobble in her voice makes him consider that she has a different understanding of why they’re meeting on the rooftop.
“Come here,” he begs closing the space between them and to his surprise she meets him halfway, and letting go of everything he bends down and presses his lips softly against her gasping mouth. It��s barely a kiss at first, just mouths touching and then she leans closer and the kiss comes to life, she moves as if he’s going to disappear swiping at his lips and licking at his tongue when he grants her entrance, her fingers in sliding into his hair at the nape of his neck and arousal shoots through his blood like a tsunami wave. He grabs her tighter helplessly pushing his aching groin into her hip, panting when she sucks his tongue in her mouth with a filthy moan that makes his skin feel too tight and too thin.
“Sujin.....fuck. We should stop.”
He says that but then does the opposite by grabbing her legs and hoisting her further up the length of his body, images of them in his bed grinding into each other flash in his mind. He has been restraining himself since then, and although this is not why he asked her to meet him on the rooftop he can’t stop touching, or kissing or grinding into the too hot space between legs especially when she lets out too breathy gasps right next to his ears.
Breaking their kiss with a wet pop she pants out, “Why didn’t you call me yesterday?” He struggles to answer the question, her hips are still torturously swiveling and all the blood in his body is rushing downward leaving his poor brain empty and malnourished.
“Huh?’ He answers idiotically, but she is hellbent on having this conversation while breaking his brain.
“I waited all night. Why didn’t you call? Were you mad that I kissed you at school? Did you not want anyone to know about us?” She fires each question right after the other, simultaneously bouncing in his arms and clawing at his back and he spins them around to slam her into the door and thrust harshly up into her in a move that makes starburst explode behind his eyelids, no memory of when exactly he closed his eyes.
Then she pushes his backpack off his shoulders and the crash and recollection of what is in the bag is a much needed wake up call for him, his dick groans in disappointment as he draws his hips back and gently places Sujin back on the ground. She seems bewildered by the sudden change and whines attempting to draw him back, it’s hard (boy is it hard) but he finds the strings of his control and inhales deeply before stepping away.
“This isn’t why I asked you to meet me here.” She stares back with hazy eyes glossed over temptingly and he has to look away from her red flushed face, it’s waking up his sleeping dragon.
Squatting to open his bag, he quickly grabs the manila envelope thrusting it towards her before he loses his resolve.
“Here. This is why I couldn’t call last night.”
Suspiciously she looks down at the envelope, hesitating before taking it from his hand. Immediately she looks back up at him.
“What’s in here?”
“I don’t know......your mother brought it to the shop yesterday. She told me to give it to you.”
He watches as a plethora of emotions races across her usually unexpressive face, it moves like a kaleidoscope before settling on anger and betrayal. It was expected but it still hurts to see it take fruition, he doesn’t have her full trust, yet.
“No. Whatever you’re thinking baby, no. I would never do anything to betray you, she showed up on her own and make me this. I didn’t even open it, if you decided to tear it up or burn it that’s your decision but I wanted to give you the choice.”
Her gaze is hard and he wonders if she's about to lash out but just like storm clouds it passes without reason or rhyme and that vulnerable look takes its place.
“Why is she doing this? She spent years doing nothing! So why now? Why do anything?” She cries out throwing the envelope on the ground, he steps closer not quite touching her but offering his support and there is a pregnant pause before she melts into him, gone is the tornado of arousal and want that enveloped them before. He hugs her tight and pretends not to notice the growing wet spot in the front of his uniform shirt.
“Shhhh, everything is going to be alright. I’m here, princess. I’m right here.”
Sae-Mi can’t believe her good fortune.
Her father in a police officer, the chief and it’s almost laughable to her. He is the furthest thing from a figure of righteousness. Growing up she realized that she would never be enough in eyes, while her brother was a saint that could do no wrong. Their mother was just a whore who only knew how to open her legs to powerful men- taught by her father at the tender age of five and she was the unwanted carbon copy of said whore.
Few people know that he’s her father until she winds up in trouble and he’s forced to show up and save her, he does not care about her but he does care about his reputation enough to help his screw up of a daughter at least.
The police car speeds down the road, siren on forcing drivers to pull over and she rolls her eyes at her father’s pathethic show of power. Staring out the opposite window she wonders if he would even notice if she disappeared, maybe he would be happy.
“When are you going to get your life together? Your brother never does this. You are just like your mother, more trouble than you’re worth.”
It’s nothing new, familiar stabs that she barely feels anymore because it’s all she’s ever heard from the man. She has tried arguing back but once he became so enraged she thought he would actually hit her and the wall cracked under the pressure of his fists and she had been silent since then. Now it’s best to just let him get it out of his system until he dumps her home and promptly forgets about her existence again.
“You think your life is so hard. You don’t even know what struggle is, there’s a girl your age who is being abused by her father. That’s the case I’m working on right now, some big name actor came in and reported it.”
That catches her attention, making her look up from her cellphone for a second. Her father is red and his lip is twisted in a sneer, but she knows better it’s not because he particularly cares about the victim it’s probably because of all the paperwork he has to do.
“I’ve had to do so much fucking paperwork,” bingo, she mentally replies looking back down to her phone interest all but dissolved.
“The abuser is a doctor they claim, Dr. Kang or something like that.”
Pausing she looks at her father, her heading tingling with familiarity. She knows that name from somewhere. But she just can’t place it at the moment, too many thoughts racing in her head.
“There are kids who have it way worst than you, so get your act together before I throw you out once and for all.”
The same old threat, they pull up outside their house and without another word she opens the door and gets out of the car slamming the door shut and wincing at the loud screech as her father pulls away.
Asshole.
She goes inside, and makes ramyeon for one slurping the noodles loudly in front of the tv. Her brother is away for college so the house is a lot more quiet now. She doesn’t miss him but having him here did make her father less despicable, simply because with Tae-Mi around her father had no time to care about what she was doing. Now it was just them, she understood why her mother abandoned them all, she would happily do the same.
Hours, later she hops into bed with her skin squeaky clean and her pajamas soft on her skin, it’s only 12pm so instead of laying down she grabs her phone and opens Instagram on auto pilot. Han Seojun hasn’t posted in a while she had been methodically checking but something else catches her eye, it’s a blurry video of a cafeteria posted by a girl she follows who goes to Saebom High. Squinting she tries to understand what she’s seeing, it’s two students standing in front of each other and then she hears the clear cacophonous roar of the room as they chant, it sounds like they’re demanding that the pair kiss. She smirks as they listen to the group and then the video cuts off suddenly, leaving the screen black.
Immediately she goes to the comment section, curious about this pair who boldly kissed in front of a group of people. She didn’t expect anyone in that school to have the balls to pull a move like that perhaps they weren’t all chicken shit.
But then confusion hits her like a brick because almost everyone in the comments is talking about Han Seojun and complaining that he’s no longer single and then she hones in on another comment that makes her blood run cold.
That’s Kang Sujin, they’re dating. I can’t believer Oppa would date someone like her, he could do so much better.
There's no way. He couldn’t be with her, he couldn’t actually be dating that rich spoiled bitch, he knew how she felt about him so how could he choose that brat instead? In a fit of anger she flings her phone across the room, watching with red hot satisfaction as it breaks at the impact against the wall.
Slamming her head forcefully into her pillow, she tries to deny it. It has to be fake, there is no way that Han Seojun would date someone like he--
Wait.
Wait.
The prickly feeling comes back and she bolts up into a seated position.
Kang Sujin.....Dr. Kang.
“..... there’s a girl your age who is being abused by her father.”
“Oh my god.” She jumps out of her bed with glee, could she really be that lucky? Had her father finally done something worthwhile, with a devious smile she runs to pick up the pieces of her phone, she desperately needs to do some research.
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You Can’t Just Leave Me
Summary: The Han family is a force to be reckoned with.
Author’s Note: Writing this chapter made me smile, I hope reading it as the same affect on you all. Thank you to everyone who supports this story and leaves comments (or my silent readers). I appreciate you all and I am so thankful that you like this brainchild, I’ve just been winging it- never expecting to be on chapter 7 on something I initially planned on being a one shot. You all made it come this far, enjoy chapter 7!! Beautiful header by @ewolfwitchwisegirl text message created by Junjin fairy @prodmina
The apartment is eerily quiet following Su-ah's departure, he hadn't intentionally tried to eavesdrop but it was hard not to overhear their sniffles through the door. Then hours later the usually bubbly girl had exited the room with red rimmed eyes, he'd never seen her cry before in his many years of knowing her. He was awkward in the face of it, not used to comforting anyone besides Ju-Kyeong.
Their conversation was clipped and it was clear that Sujin hadn't opened up about what happened. The Su-ah he knew would be making plans to sabotage her father, if she knew the full story. She'd left with the final words, "Take care of her." He nodded without hesitation that was his intentions, he just needed to get her onboard with his plan to do that.
Taking a deep soothing breath he walks over to knock on the door.
"Sujin-ah, can we talk?" He asks, pressing his head against the door. Ready to plead if need be, she hadn't been answering him since being here. He never saw her come outside, but the food he brought would just disappear hours after he placed it. He waits patiently before reaching out his knuckles to knock again, but when the door suddenly opens he takes a quick step back surprised to see Sujin's face. It's clear she's been crying. He looks away, it's a bit unsettling to see her like this. Too raw.
"Let's talk in the living room." He suggests quietly, stepping back and walking towards the couch. Nerves easing minutely as he hears her soft footsteps behind him. He slides into one corner of the couch and watches as she sits on the opposite end. An awkward silence bellows around them as he stares at his hands and she stares at the ceiling. They have both never been the most talkative on a good day, but now it’s painful.
He clears his throat stilling when he feels her eyes on him, waiting. He had this speech planned in his head for days but now that the moment is actually here, he's terrified. Too nervous to say the words he wants to, does he even have the right to apologize to her now? Does she even want his late apology or will she brush him off? He wouldn't blame her one bit, it had taken him too long and he still hasn't even forgiven himself, how could he expect her to forgive him?
"Thank you."
He almost misses the quiet utterance because he's so lost in his own self deprecation. They are staring at each other now eyes locked, his own wide in bewilderment.
"What?" He responds caught off guard, he didn't expect Sujin to speak at all-much less for those to be her first words.
"You heard me. Thank you for letting me stay here and for not pressuring me to talk about it." Sujin awkwardly squirms in her seat, glancing away from him before darting back and she gives him the courage to finally saw what he wanted- no needed to.
"I'm sorry." It's his turn to watch the shock form on her face but he presses on before she can question him. "I'm sorry I wasn't there, I knew what was happening but I didn't know how to help. I understand now that just being there would have been enough, you just needed a friend. I'm sorry I wasn't one."
A slight weight lifts off his shoulder and his heart, he's not free but he's one step closer. One step at a time.
"You didn't do anything wrong. We were just kids, what could you have done? It's okay, I never expected you to save me. How could you when you were dealing with your own pain?"
She's giving him an out, and logically she's right the pain of losing his mother crippled him for years. It was still weighing heavy on him to this day but he doesn't want an out, he wants to be accountable. He would rather her rage than her understanding.
"I know you didn't need a savior, but you needed a friend. Am I wrong? Were you okay dealing with everything on your own?" It's a low blow he's aware and the way her eyes narrow further confirm that his question isn't appreciated.
"Am I wrong?" He repeats and watches as the ice around her eyes melt away glacially, too many emotions flashing in her dark orbs- anger, sadness, disappointment, broken acceptance each emotion cutting at his heart.
Leaning forward he grabs at the folder on the table, he's already come this far might as well go all the way now.
"Here." He hands it to her, she raises an eyebrow taking the thick object. "Open it," he nods at the folder watching quietly as she breaks the seal and pulls out the documents, eyes scanning the papers before realization settles.
"Emancipation?" She whispers, now staring at him unblinking he can feel the heft of her undivided attention.
"Yes, we've been doing research and I think the best bet is for you to get emancipated." He winces at himself as she glares at the use of "we", he should have left that out with how distant they've been; she didn't even know that Seojun was the one providing the meals she seemed to love. She might stop eating them if she knew, she was so stubborn sometimes.
She leaf's through the pages, carefully looking over the document and he sits silently awaiting her reaction.
"He would never allow this. You know that." It's said with certainty as if she's accepted her fate long ago, probably thought of this very option herself and then talked herself out of it.
"I'm going to ask her father to help, he's been supporting your father all these years. If he knew the truth..." He trails off letting her finish the rest and she barks out a humorless laugh, it sounds more like a sob.
"You want to tell your father? They have known each other for years, why would he believe me?"
"He's my dad. He'll believe me. We have to at least try." He pleads now desperate for her agreement. It wasn’t the right thing to say, he knows that instantly.
Instantly she stands up, slamming the documents on the table the ice restoring around her eyes. "I was fine all those years you were wrong. I'm not doing this, I don't need your dad's help." She spits the word "dad" like it's poison on her tongue, storming off to the room and slamming the door shut.
He sighs, defeated leaning back onto the couch. He sends a text to his father and Seojun. He failed.
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Guilt eats at her following her outburst, she wasn't mad at Suho despite her harsh words. She can blame her anger on many things but she's self-aware enough to know that it's a defense mechanism; she was jealous. It was ugly and grotesque, but she cannot stop the way her blood boils when she sees others with parents that care.
He's my father, he'll believe me.
That would never be her reality, Suho and his father had been able to reconcile and restart their broken relationship. That would never be her truth, her relationship with her father would never resemble something healthy and despite her efforts to repress her true feelings, it hurts. The little girl who desperately wanted to make her dad happy and proud still hadn't died.
She feels stupid, the biggest fool on the planet. How can she still be looking for love from someone who has never shown her anything but hatred? She’s the one with a problem here, she knows that.
She shouldn't have lashed out especially after his apology, that must have taken true guts and she had thrown it all back in his face. She tries to make amends but every time they cross paths she freezes up and escapes to her borrowed room instead. It continues on for days with him still bringing food to her door and the combination of their kindness is too much for her. She doesn’t deserve it from either of them.
Tugging on her jacket she leaves the apartment hastily with only a small note on her door. She needs some space to think without feeling suffocated.
Gone for a walk.
It's just her luck that it's raining outside, only a drizzle but it coats the world in a thick fog and it's hard to see. The biggest benefit is that nobody can see her, she just needs time alone to think.
The idea of emancipation wasn't new to her, she had considered this option before but in the end she discarded it. Her father wasn't someone she would simply leave, he would drag her back kicking and screaming. He had instilled long ago that she was his, it was pointless to have dreams or aspirations, she just needed to follow his orders. That was her purpose. Being an obedient dog.
Suho's plan also called for revealing her pitiful life, what if she went through this ordeal only to lose and not be given emancipation in the end? No. She couldn't make herself that vulnerable at least now she had her dignity, only two people knew about her secret. It might not be much to others, but her dignity was everything to her; it was all she had left.
Sighing loudly at the skies she mentally curses the weather, maybe it's poetic but all of her worst times have been bookmarked by the rain. It must be a metaphor for her life, damp and cold with no warmth in sight.
Stopping to sit on a bench she stares up at the gray skies before closing her eyes, accepting her fate. "Fine, rain on me. I probably deserve this." Cool raindrops roll down her cheeks imitating tears and she can feel the moisture seeping into her clothes and siphoning her heat.
"Unnie?" She jumps at the voice, sounding too close and she shifts away when she opens her eyes and is greeted by the large bespectacled eyes of Gowoon. The younger girl smiles sweetly, covering her with a pale blue umbrella with ice cream cones decorating it. It’s too innocent and too young the antithesis of everything in her life.
"Unnie! What are you doing in the rain? You're getting wet!" Gowoon grabs her arm tugging her to her feet using her umbrella to shelter them both. She's shocked when she doesn't bristle at the unexpected and too familiar manhandling. She almost rolls her eyes, what was it with the Han family and finding her during rainstorms?
"Come on, my house isn't far. I'll make you some soup so you don't catch a cold." The other girl doesn't wait for her reply before she starts pulling her down the sidewalk. She sputters but feels her feet following obediently.
"Oppa is working late, so he won't be there to bother us."
Her heart defiantly jumps at the mention of him, she hasn't seen him in a week. She has dozens of unsent messages to him, cowardice has rendered her fingers useless though.
"That's good." She lies, "So it'll just be us two?" She's not quite ready to meet any other members of the Han family.
The other girl nods absently, easily easing them into a riveting conversation about a boy at school who won't leave her alone. She offers to beat him up if he keeps on bothering her to which Gowoon laughs gleefully before squealing, "You sound just like Seojun oppa!" She glares at the comparison watching entranced at the young girl's uncontrollable giggles. When was the last time she'd laughed so freely? She had no recollection.
Gowoon wasn't lying and within minutes she's staring at the apartment she's only seen once before. That feels like a lifetime ago.
She immediately regrets her inability to say no to persuasive girl later when they are greeted at the door.
"Gowoon, sweetie is that you?" A maternal voice calls out and she instantly recognizes it, stiffening in the doorway. Stepping back she starts thinking of excuses, but her tongue is too heavy in her mouth and she's too slow as the woman comes around the corner halting her escape.
She blinks unhurried as the older woman gapes at her clearly not expecting to see anyone besides her daughter.
Gowoon breaks the silence, her voice nonchalant, "Hi mom! This is my unnie Sujin, she's the one who saved me the other day! Is it okay that I brought her here for dinner, I found her in the rain!" Gowoon makes it sound like she picked up a stray puppy outside, but she knows the other girl means no harm.
Her skin prickles at the question, anxiety filling her stomach without her permission. She's waiting for rejection. For Gowoon’s mother to say that it is not okay and she would rather eat with her daughter without a stranger intruding.
"Of course! I didn't realize it was the same Sujin." Gowoon looks confused by her mother's statement and she feels embarrassment swarming in her belly. Oh no. She has to stop her before she reveals too much, Gowoon knows nothing and she wants to keep it that way.
"I didn't realize you knew Sujin too, isn't this Seojun's cru.."
"Classmate!" She suddenly interjects staring at the woman with pleading eyes, she's not ready for Gowoon to know about her brothers “feelings”. She's trying her best to forgot them too.
They both stare at her and she squirms under the scrutiny, before the older woman puts her out of her misery. "Yes, Seojun mentioned her before I didn't realize she was the same person that helped you. Thank you." She freezes as the woman embraces her hand, smiling at her warmly as she thanks her. She can only stare in response, nodding dumbly.
"Come on unnie! I'll get you some warm clothes, you'll catch a cold if you keep wearing those."
She lets herself be tugged into the younger girl’s room. Just like Gowoon the room is bright and vivacious, wall covered in posters and books littering her table. It looks completely normal and it makes her ache, her own room was militarily decorated with nothing out of place and no evidence of her personality. Since she was young her father would inspect it and punish her if anything was untoward. She had stopped trying to make the room look lived in after seeing poster after poster thrown down.
"Here unnie. You can borrow this." Her eyes bulge at a familiar blue shirt with a puppy on the front. "I know it's so embarrassing but oppa got it for me, it's really warm though." In the end he'd gotten her to wear the ridiculous shirt, she reluctantly goes off to change into the top and leggings. They are the same baby blue hue, making the outfit look like a set. She's thankful the boy isn't here to see her.
"Well don't you look adorable?" Seojun's mom coos at her when she finally comes out of the bathroom, she desperately wants to disappear. The woman must notice her ruby cheeks because she turns with a smile calling out to her daughter, "Gowoon! Come help with dinner!"
Now changed too, into cactus pajamas the younger girl bounds out grabbing an apron and tying it behind her back.
"What are are we making?" She curiously peeks over her mom's shoulder. The air between the mother and daughter is comfortable, the two leaning into each other naturally as they discuss what to make for dinner. She observes with a heavy heart as Gowoon easily puts her head on her mom's shoulder and the woman strokes her cheek lovingly. Something inside her throbs in response.
"Do you want to help?"
Shaking her head to clear the longing she looks at their mom, who's looking back at her with soft eyes already holding out another apron.
She can't control herself her yearning is too large, she stands without hesitation walking to the woman, sucking in a breath when the apron is placed over her shoulders and then tightened snuggly.
"We're making wonton soup. Have you ever made dumplings before sweetie?"
She looks at Gowoon waiting for her reply but then realizes that both pair of eyes are on her and oh, she's talking to her. She called her sweetie. Swallowing thickly she shakes her head before replying, "No. I've never made them before." She waits to be berated or at least chastised for her lack of culinary skills, her father always said a woman's place was in the kitchen.
Nothing happens. The woman hums before smiling again, she's always smiling it's so pretty. She wishes she had the courage to say the words aloud. She doesn't.
"You can help Gowoon chop the vegetables for the filling. Then we can mix it with the ground pork and I'll show you how to make the dumplings." If the woman is disappointed at all at having to teach her she's doing an incredible job of concealing her frustrations.
She accepts the knife when Gowoon hands it to her, both of them working on a wooden cutting board. They've gotten into somewhat of a rhythm slicing the chives and carrots finely for the filling. She'd never chopped vegetables before but their mom had casually stood behind her shocking her so much she almost dropped the knife, but the older woman had easily caught the utensil before holding her hand and manually showing her how to tuck her fingers and mince the vegetables. She froze before imitating the woman, she was good at replicating acts.
"That looks great sweetie! You're a fast learner!" The woman praised her turning back to the broth and adding more seasoning liberally. She preened under the attention smiling shyly before Gowoon shouted out loudly, "What about me mom? How do mine look?" They both looked at the younger girl's unevenly chopped chives and carrots, next to Sujin's perfectly identical veggies all in an even row. The difference between the two is stark.
"They look fine dear, they'll be hidden in the dumplings anyway." Her mother tries to soothe her ego, patting her shoulder before turning back to her soup dismissively and a burst of laughter explodes from her chest at the offended look on Gowoon's face, her cheeks are red and her mouth is turned down in an exaggerated frown. The younger girl looks positively livid that her mother is not similarly singing her praises and she starts to defiantly chop more vegetables, only to have them come out even worst; even more lopsided and haggard.
She tries to tamper her laugh but when the younger girl starts whining, crying about how her veggies were “cousins not siblings” she loses it, clutching at the counter for balance. She feels the air bursting from her lungs as she clutches at her stomach, laughing harder when Gowoon glares at her pout on her lips. The older woman joins her rubbing her daughter's back as she cries about her dignity, and then Gowoon looks at them both laughing at her and a smile spreads on her face and soon they are all laughing in the kitchen, soup bubbling beside them as a delicious aroma permeates the room.
None of them hear the front door opening or a deep voice announcing its arrival.
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He's cold, tired and wet. Once again missing the forecast for rain, he really needed to start carrying an umbrella around all the time. What was up with the weather lately anyway? Why was it raining all the damn time? He absently thinks of a certain someone and hopes she's somewhere warm out of the rain. They always seemed to meet when the sky was pouring and raging.
It was hard not contacting her but he wanted to listen to her requests and respect her wishes no matter how hard it was for him, it was also getting pathetic being the only one fighting for this. She hadn't outright rejected him after his confession but her silence was an answer in itself and he wanted to respect that. He wasn't too manly to admit that he was hurt, and he was reeling from being pushed away so many times already.
So he followed his mother's advice, he'd given her something that he knew she needed and expected nothing in return.
All week he'd been waking up early to cook for the girl, reading recipes off his phone fluffy cat headband on his head keeping his fringe out of his eyes. The easier recipes like soup and grilled meats had been simple enough to accomplish but when he ventured into more complicated bento boxes that's when frustrations had arose. They looked so easy but they were tedious and he wasn’t the most patient or detail oriented person.
He struggled to recreate the detailed meals and almost gave up, throwing his phone across the room.
That's how his mother had found him, fuming and tugging his hair on the kitchen table. Seconds away from bashing his head into the surface and screaming at the ceiling.
"What are you doing up so early?" He jumped at her voice, looking around at the mess he'd made in the kitchen with wide guilty eyes.
"I-I can explain." He stuttered out but couldn't come up with a feasible answer once she looked at him expectantly, arms folded. The patented mom stare.
She had calmly walked across the room picking up his discarded phone, peering at the screen before looking back at him.
"Is this for your friend?" She shook the phone at him knowingly and he pressed his lips tight together, nodding mutely while looking away.
"Okay let's see what you have so far." His mom walked over and assessed what he had already made, nodding with a proud smile. "You did good so far, let me show you how to make a hotdog into an octopus. I did this for you all the time when you were a kid."
He was grateful when she didn't ask him any questions and it became their morning ritual, until he no longer needed guidance and he was able to make the boxes on his own. The satisfaction he felt when Suho would return the containers, clean as a whistle not even a grain of rice remaining was incomparable. It wasn't much but at least she was eating, that was all he needed even if she didn't want to see him or know that he was the one making her meals.
He sighs at himself, he told himself not to think about her but that was proving easier said than done.
Shaking himself at the front door like a wet dog, he tugs his keys from the back pocket of his jeans slotting it on the doorknob and turning.
"I'm home!" He calls out instinctively announcing his arrival as he toes off his drenched boots, but then his eyebrow lifts as he hears peals of laughter coming from the kitchen. He chuckles without knowing the joke, instantly rejuvenated by his family's abundant joy. Slipping on his slippers after hesitating a second because he doesn't recognize the shoe at the front door. When did Gowoon get those and how the hell was his little sister affording Chanel sneakers?
Those thoughts are swarming in his mind when he stomps to the kitchen, all the air sucked from his lungs when he sees an unbelievable vision. His mother and sister are grasping at each other, lost in laughter completely unaware of his presence but the image that most shocks him is Sujin, holding her stomach as she spots something on the counter that sets her off into another bout of boisterous laughter.
He can't help it he starts to categorize her every move, the way her eyes are crinkled and a stray tear is leaking out the corner, the way her nose is scrunched up like a rabbit and the way her mouth is stretched wide, visible even behind the futile shield of her hand. All of his thoughts from earlier regarding not needing to see her dissipate, he wants to tattoo this image in his mind.
"Oh! You're here!" His mother suddenly turns to face him and that causes Sujin to freeze laughter fading off with a whine, regarding him with huge bright eyes. It's almost too much once he notices what she's wearing, he wasn't prepared to see her like this in his house. It's overwhelming in the best way.
"I'm home. I'll go change and come help." Both his mother and Gowoon nod easily no longer paying him any mind but he can feel eyes on him as he runs away, trying to regain his composure and his breath. He purposely avoids Sujin's eyes not ready to see if the walls are back up at his arrival.
When he comes back out the table is already set and they've all taken a seat, the only available chair is between his mom and Sujin, so he takes a calming breath before walking over with fake confidence. He’s used to faking it until he makes it. That could be the name of his biography.
He answers his family's questions about work and school blowing on the soup before taking a bite of the slightly lopsided dumpling. What it's lacking in appearance it more than makes up for in flavor, he groans at the delicious flavor that dances on his taste buds looking up excitedly at his mom.
"These dumplings are delicious! Thank you for the meal!" He praises his mom, happily chewing at the soft delicacy in his mouth.
"Thank you Junnie, but I didn't make the dumplings. They worked on the filling together but Sujin-ah seasoned and filled the dumplings while I made the broth and your sister helped with the side dishes." His mother smiles proudly over at the two girls, Gowoon beaming with pride but Sujin, almost disappears into her soup her head so close to the steaming hot bowl.
They haven’t said anything to each other and he's nervous to be the one to break this stalemate but he also really wants to talk to her, has wanted to since he stepped through the door and saw her smiling face. Has wanted to since that night he stormed out and didn't look back. So finally he does, gathering all his bravery to finally look over at her.
"The dumplings are great." And when she doesn't look up or seemingly react at all, he tells himself he's fine and he expected that. She wasn't ready to talk to him yet, it was his own fault for hoping when she'd explicitly told him to stop doing that.
So he goes back to eating, more lethargic than before eyes locked on nothing but his food and his spoon. It was embarrassing. He knows his cheeks are pink and he hates it.
"Thank you. I just followed your mom's directions. It was nothing."
He pauses, peeking up at her and almost choking when she shoots him a small smile before filling her bowl with more rice.
His heart thumps in his chest. Fuck.
He doesn't hear anything else the rest of the meal, too lost in his thoughts and it's only familiarity that has him standing up when everyone is finished, collecting the plates and bringing them to the sink.
"It's almost time for Sunbae, don’t wear those high heels!!" Gowoon shouts, he cringes at the name of the new drama they've been obsessively watching, he'd only tuned in one time before flabbergasted by the exorbitant amount of times the female protagonist had fallen into the arms of various men but especially the male lead. She fell off a balcony into his arms that time, with neither of them needing to be admitted to the hospital somehow. His mother and Gowoon had both hushed him when he'd voiced that particular opinion and he had happily banished himself to his room.
"Oh no, I'm going to miss it because I'm washing the dishes." He replies deadpan as his sister rolls her eyes dramatically at him, "Whatever it's your loss. Let's go I want to see if she's going to choose the sweet bad boy or the cold cute guy!"
He scoffs at the cliché characterizations scrubbing harder at the plate.
"Come on unnie!" Sujin gasps as she's tugged to the living room too, glancing over he sees his little sister place her in the middle of the couch sandwiched between her and his mother. Sujin looks overwhelmed as Gowoon animatedly tries to catch her up on the series. He shakes his head, maybe the show wasn't that bad. He could watch a few minutes with them.
He strolls casually to the living room, easing onto the ground beside his mother's legs after all the dishes are clean and drying.
"What are you doing here? I thought you despised this "cringey" show?" He leans his head back, sighing when his mother eases her fingers into his hair scratching at his scalp and he sighs content in her lap.
"I do. But it's too early to sleep so I have no choice but to watch this crap."
"Mom! He said crap!"
"Watch your language."
His mother scolds him immediately and Gowoon sticks out her tongue at him vindicated because he got in trouble and immaturely he does it back, tugging off her sock much to her chagrin, dodging her when she tries to kick him.
Sujin looks back and forth between them both before discretely looking at their mother, she seems shocked when all the woman does is chuckle and say, "Children please. Do I need to remind you that we have a guest?" He looks away bashfully not wanting to look childish in front of Sujin, he hadn't thought about that. That makes them settle down and he finally looks at the TV, groaning loudly when low and behold the heroine is falling again, tripping over a candy wrapper on the ground.
"She falls a lot. She should probably wear protective gear." Sujin says breaking their new silence and he chuckles at her observation, happy that someone agrees with him, excitedly he turns to her "Right! Last time she fell off a balcony!" He shouts in disbelief and suddenly they're all arguing about the feasibility of someone surviving that. His mother shaking her head fondly at them, choosing to say out of it which makes Gowoon pout because she's outnumbered.
"Okay who would you choose Unnie, the tsundere type or the bad boy with a heart of gold?" Suddenly he's very invested in her answer, he tries not to react staring at the ceiling and breathing evenly but inside his heart is thundering ready to pound out of his chest.
A few seconds drag on and he wonders if she's not going to answer, he doesn't even know why he cares so much but curiously is gripping at him. He knows that this doesn't mean anything necessarily and he's not getting his hopes up but--
"The sweet guy. He just looks like a bad boy but he's sweet to her, he never says anything mean to her. That would be nice." She answers, trailing off at the end and he hears Gowoon instantly disagreeing saying the other guy is way better, but he can barely hear his sister over the thumping of his heart in his ears, he can't help the wide smile that spreads on his face.
He turns to hide it in his mom's lap.
It doesn't leave his face the rest of the night.
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It's getting late, she knows that it's time for her to take her leave she's been imposing on them for too long but....she doesn't want to. She doesn't want to leave, they are so warm. She's never seen a family like this outside of television shows, how was it possible that this was their real life? How could they have a mother who was that loving? Everything they did was greeted with fond exasperation, where was the reprimanding or cold backhanded words that cut like a knife?
She'd even treated her kindly, calling her sweetie more than she said her name. And she got used to it similar to how she'd gotten used to Seojun calling her princess, she knew she should fight it but she didn't want to. She was ashamed to say she liked it.
She tries to soak it up for as long as she can before she says reluctantly, "I should probably go. it's getting late." Then she watches in a daze as the woman races off before returning with containers stacked and tied in a bag.
Before she can argue or refuse their mom is already shaking her head, "You made this so it's only right that you take it home. I won't take no for an answer." At this point that should have been the Han family motto she thinks fondly. But she accepts the food, bowing in gratitude at the simple act of kindness.
"Unnie, can I have your number? I just realized I don't have it and we're so close!" Gowoon thrusts her phone out with two hands, giving her the biggest puppy eyes she's ever seen. Without a word she accepts the phone, punching in her number before handing it back. She hadn’t realized the girl considered them close, but she finds that she doesn’t mind it at all.
"Thank you! I'll text you so you can have my number too." The younger girl dances in celebration before grabbing her in a hug, she awkwardly pats her on the back once before she's finally set free. They're all so naturally affectionate and she's not the least bit accustomed to it, used to harsh words and slaps instead of praises and hugs.
"Get home safely sweetie. Junnie! Where did you go? Come walk her home!" She rushes to say it's okay she doesn't need an escort home, she's fine walking by herself it truly wasn't that far it turned out. But Seojun comes out of his room, changed again with a coat on and a beanie. Walking over to them he thrusts a sweater at her, when she looks blankly he replies sounding defensive, "It's probably colder now. Put this on too." He pushes it at her again firmer and she grabs it, gasping when their fingers brush.
It's a thick dark green sweater with fleece lining the interior and it smells just like his earthy cologne, she wants to give it back. Instead she puts it on over her borrowed long sleeve shirt from Suho and feels like a child playing dress up when it reaches the bottom of her knees. She knows what he's thinking when he smirks at her, she wasn't short he was just a damn giant.
She takes off the slippers and slides back into her sneakers, thankful that they're dry now. She's distracted by Seojun's heat, he's so close to her putting on his own boots. So much so she nearly misses what his mother says, "Get home safely. Please come again soon, I need more maturity in this house." Seojun and Gowoon both shout affronted but all she can see is the genuine smile on her face, she finds herself nodding throat too thick for words. When she's pulled into another hug, this time she has to blink away tears arms still by her side. She’s vibrating from keeping her emotions contained.
They are walking side by side, the sounds of the city filling the silence that would be present. Every once in a while their arms brush but he moves away after the third time and she feels cold, more so than when the wind blows.
They're getting closer to Suho's apartment and she's wrecking her brain to find something to say to him, knowing that the ball is in her court; it always has been. She's just terrified to swing her racket. What if she misses? Or trips and embarrasses herself? It was usually better to just do nothing then you wouldn't be disappointed.
With each step she loses more courage until they are standing in front of the building and she still hasn't said anything.
Coward.
They stand awkwardly looking at the building pointedly avoiding each other and she finally speaks, "Oh your sweater! Here you go." She says stupidly, not at all what she wanted to say but she starts to pull the sweater off to commit to her exclamation. However he steps back shaking his head at her.
"It's cold. Just wear it upstairs. I'll get it later from Suho, you won't have to see me again. Go up." He sounds deflated, nothing like the animated jokester she'd seen just minutes at his apartment. It aches that she's the one making him act this way.
Then he turns around after looking at her, all of the light drained from his eyes.
He takes three large steps, putting immeasurable space between them in no time and she knows that if she lets him walk away right now he might not come back and that's a gut wrenching thought that makes her chase after him.
Thoughtlessly, she grabs his arm halting his exit from her life.
"Wait!" She shouts, but at the first touch of her hand on his forearm he's already frozen, still in her arms. He doesn't turn around. She shoots him a silent mental thank you, even if it's not his intention it's much easier to say what's on her mind like this without him facing her and her feeling too open and vulnerable.
"I know you're the one making me food." There was supposed to be a thank you somewhere in there but instead she ends up sounding accusatory, and he tenses instantly his arm tight in her grasp.
"I'll stop. I know you told me to leave you alone. I--just. There's no excuse. I'll stop."
His voice is strained and this is going all wrong already, she's ruining everything.
Letting go of his arm, she sidesteps and brazenly moves directly in front of him. She can't keep hiding from this. She needed to be vulnerable, that was the only way he could understand.
His eyes are wet.
She gasps at the sight, not expecting it and so jealous at his ability to just feel and be seen. She was always hiding from everything.
"Don't."
He doesn't give her a chance to finish.
"Sujin. Let me go. I know already, I know it all. I can't like you, I shouldn't get my hopes up, I need to mind my business. I know it all!" He shouts, pain marring his face but she notices how he still tugs his arm free gently, still careful about harming her even while he’s breaking down.
She doesn’t deserve this.
This is all her fault she knows that to be an objective truth, but the way he throws her own words back at her makes her realize how cruel she'd been while trying to spare him. She hadn't spared anything, the pain in his eyes and voice makes that abundantly clear.
"Don't stop. Don't give up on me." She finishes, staring at him with her own wet eyes, tears prickling at them.
His shoulders sink as he stares at her, lost and hesitant.
"I'm sorry. I’m sorry for saying those things to you. I can't promise I won't push you away again. I'm...I'm fucked up Seojun-ah. I'm a fucking mess. But I want to stop, I don't want to push people away."
I don't want to push you away. But she’s still too much of a coward to say that out loud.
"Sujin, what-what are you trying to say?" He looks at her with guarded eyes, not yet ready to believe the words coming out of her mouth.
"I want to be friends."
She watches him wrestle with her sentence, hurt being covered up by a façade and she's not obtuse, she knows that's not the answer he was hoping for. Knows he thinks she's friend zoning and clipping the wings of his feelings.
"That's all I can deal with right now. I have a lot to work on, I need to work on me." It may seem like a cop out, an excuse but it's the most honest she's ever been with herself, it's not that she doesn't like him she might- if the way her heart thumps when he’s around says anything- but more importantly she has realized that she doesn’t like herself.
"Right now." He repeats in awe, she blinks confused before realizing the implications of her words, she starts sputtering trying to backtrack but he's too quick beating her to the punch.
"I can do friends. For now." She blushes at the beaming smile on his face, his happiness over such a small acquiesce is too much. Why did he have to wear his heart so obviously on his sleeves?
They stand simply staring at each other. Locked in the moment.
She might need to remind her heart that they'd only agreed to be friends.
For now.
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I don't like onions.
She doesn't know what possesses her to text him first, or what compels her to send that particular message. She starts googling if there's a way to unsend messages, instead finding stories from others regaling their own embarrassing messages and finding solace that she isn't alone in this feeling.
She jumps when her phone vibrates. Slowly turning it over like it's a ticking bomb.
Of course you'd be a picky eater. Onions are good for you.
She rolls her eyes at the message, he was such a nagger.
It's not good if I don't enjoy it.
Alright princess, noted. No more onions. Are you okay with chicken teriyaki tomorrow?
She recalls the delicious chicken teriyaki he'd made for her just days ago, it was succulent and juicy and she'd fought Suho over it, reminding him that this was her food and she replies quickly.
Yes! Do you have more kimchi?
I do. I'll pack some.
She stares at the phone, in disbelief at the how easy it is to talk to him again, like there was an empty spot in her life, a Seojun shaped gap that was now filled once more. She wasn't fixed, she had meant what she told him; she couldn't examine her feelings for him yet. But she needed him in her life, he was there when she needed someone and now no one else would do.
I missed you.
#true beauty#true beauty kdrama#bring me to life#chapter 7#han seojun#kang sujin#Han family superiority#the couple that should have been#I got to write some cute stuff#calm before the storm#maybeeeee#junjin#dedicated to my shooters
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