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#but it just makes me feel so lonely and I hate it sm
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Spiraling again folx 🥲
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kavehater · 19 days
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I wish I could inject pasilyo into my brain so I can have permanent happiness
#There’s this specific part of the song#It srsly alters my brain chemistry#Anyways#i hate tumblr sm#Idk like I Gen hate being on here sm#No matter what account I make no matter if I tell ppl about it whether I don’t tell ppl I just hate this place soooo much#Like if I have a following it sucks because it’s rlly lonely if I don’t it’s still lonely and then if there’s nobody at all it’s lonely#Loneliness is what got me to discord boy so like :D#The fact I am genuinely missing him sm I’m gonna krill myself 😻🙏#Also I think I hate talking to minors cause these kids be letting themselves get groomed all the time I’m so tired of seeing it#The creep in my course is being so weird to Raisa who is a minor … I can’t help but think it’s all my fault … I invited her to the pharm gc#To show her how messy it was ….#I didn’t expect her to follow and accept requests of everyone …#Anyways I just am so annoyed. Like I wish I could have one person just one where I can be confident in being their no.1 but every time I th#Think I’m maybe somewhere high up on someone’s list of important ppl I realise I overestimated my position even tho I’m rlly self conscious#And being myself down over that. Also I still hate Eid. I hate Eid sm. How do ppl genuinely enjoy Eid. Idk if I’ve ever been excited for Ei#It’s like I’m just suddenly getting more sick of ppl by the day. I Gen don’t like talking to ppl at all even tho I used to rely on talking#To others like its sustenance now it’s just such a hassle to me because I’m so sick of being unimportant to literally every single person I#Have ever known. Literally everyone except maybe dahlia idk. the only person who has never gotten mad/snapped at me o is dahlia#And knowing my luck that will soon be taken from me too. Anyways good riddance to tumblr i loathe this site and im sick of the mind games#All the time from just existing on here. Gen makes me feel ill. I’m so sick of that girl I like and sick of everyone. The only time ppl car#Is when I cause a scene. And ykw atp I loathe being showed sympathy and pity for these sorts of posts because it just feels like a big joke#Cause why couldn’t you just care when I was fine. Why do you ONLY care when I’ve had enough of your bad behaviour. How does one make someon#Like me go mad with all these things#Istg if I come back to this dumb site whether to this acc to the tora one or my other account everyone has permission to beat me up.#dora daily#Tldr;I HATE ppl and everyone ever + I’m just sick of pretending like everyone doesn’t suck cause how can ppl be so insufferable intolerable#Insane horrible in every way and ppl like them. How do they live with themselves when they’re this aggravating. Every day I hate ppl more#Because their mannerisms their everything is just so embarrassing.#Essay tags 😻😻😻
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cannellee · 1 month
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TOKYO REVENGERS OMEGAVERSE (mythological au! #2) ☆
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୨୧ medusa! alpha! tokyo rev x blind! omega! reader (pairing : chifuyu, mikey, mitsuya, baji, izana)
— you meet medusa, whose stare can turn people into statues of rock. but you're actually blind so it doesn't affect you! what are their reactions?
cw : yandere!izana, baji is sweet++ and probably not representative, SA (mitsuya's one, it's not him though), deaths
(they don't have snakes hair, just the curse) + (it's sooo badly written pls don't mind the quality) + (baji's one is criminally short even though it has sm potential sorryy)
my masterlist : ☆
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ALPHA! CHIFUYU (love at first sight)
you really simply wanted to pick berries for the pie you planned to cook this afternoon. you would call for your friend to come with you as it's so much more amusing when you're not on your own, but she couldn't today.
still, you went to your usual spot, experienced feet strolling along the path you grew to recognise by heart. you bent down, gathered a few fruits and other sweet things while searching deeper into the forest until you heard the soft sound of water dripping down.
you walked closer, senses alert and nose breathing in the fresh air around you. once the lapping of the gentle waves hugged your ankles, you put away your basket and sat down on a rock you found while navigating through your surroundings.
you let the sun hit your skin and sooth your worries away, calmly closing your eyes.
when chifuyu was alerted that someone had crossed his territory thanks to the mouths of the tiny magical beings he took under his protection, he promptly made his way to you.
chifuyu valued his space, but most and foremost, he hated humans. he hated the way they would cower under his gaze, how they pleaded for their lives and tried to harm him any chance they had.
if his life was to be painful and lonely, he at least wanted some peace. foolish people who wandered into his forest didn't know their fate, or at least took it too lightly.
he first heard soft hums, and the unnatural splash of water you made with your feet immersed in the lake.
chifuyu was prepared to scare you into running away, to growl and yell at how impudent you had been for trespassing.
but upon witnessing your small frame and catching a taste of your sweet scent, chifuyu wasn't so sure anymore of what he had to do. although he was a huge hater of humans, hurting another soul bothered him. you looked harmless and defenceless, definitely not a threat.
you most likely lost your way, chifuyu thought. he expected a hunter or something among the lines, some gross alpha who came here to bring harm to the sacred place that was the forest.
but a peaceful omega like you surely would just go back to were she came from without any trouble. he sighed and turned around, already ready to leave. that was until his foot walked on a branche, making a loud "crack" sound for the both of you to hear.
"who's there ?", chifuyu hurriedly turned his head the other way, suddenly conscious about his eyes and what they could bring to you.
"you're alone and lost. you shouldn't be there", you laugh a bit at the man's answer, not feeling threatened one bit.
"how would you know whether I'm lost or not ?", he frowned when you kept your eyes shut, never sparing him a glance. when he didn't answer, you invited him to join your side.
"I can safely say you wouldn't want me to sit next to you if you knew who I am"
"you would've already hurt me if that was your intention. as you said, I'm alone", chifuyu eyed you up carefully before taking up on your offer, smelling the fresh berries you tempted him with.
"are you always this reckless that you would invite an alpha you don't even know to chat with you ?", he quickly took his place beside you, eyes locked on the floor and hands already digging inside the basket you put between the two of you.
you simply shrug, finally opening your eyes and turning your head his way before he could even react.
"I'm y/n", he looked in your eyes before realising and felt his heart drop upon doing so, fearing you would change into a statue in front of him.
but you didn't. your delicate scent he tried to ignore kept making him light-headed and feeling calm, your smile didn't freeze and only grew wider in a sweet way he found particularly cute.
he took his time scanning your features. a real flesh and blood person's face was looking at him. well not exactly, chifuyu now understood why you had seem so fearless despite aventuring yourself in a forest known for inhabiting a dangerous monster.
he couldn't recall the last time he looked at someone so intimately, without the disgusting feeling he had the first times he realised he no longer belonged with other humans. he didn't remember when he had the opportunity to admire such a pretty face like yours, without immediately changing them into marble.
chifuyu was deeply looking into your eyes and no parts of your body turned hard and grey.
he felt normal again as he introduced himself as well, his eyes never leaving your face, paying attention to the smallest details of your expressions, the way your eyes looked around and reacted to the sound of his voice.
you didn't fear him, you didn't beg him to spare your life and never once did you turn your head away from him, refusing to look at him as if he was the most horrendous thing in the world.
chifuyu didn't want to tear his gaze away from you, not even for a second. for the first time in years, he had someone he genuinely enjoyed being with, with no other emotions inhabiting hin than calmness, anticipation and a merry scent circling around the both of you.
he didn't believe someone he met a few minutes prior could make him have so much hope for the future, and such a growing urge to stay near you, the only one who would never ostracise him.
                                     · · ୨୧ · ·
ALPHA! MIKEY (a sacrifice for the prophecy)
you were beyond scared shitless, tears running down your trembling jaw. you clutched your white gown in the biting cold, slowly walking up the hill with dreadful steps.
you relied on the men escorting you for guidance, eyes covered with a silky material which would have prevented you from seeing anything if it wasn't for your blind eyes.
they told you you were doing this for the greater good, to save another innocent and indefective soul from perishing to the hands of the beast who pressured your tiny village to send him a person each year. what their fate turned out to be was a mystery, but it was evident that it wasn't anything good as none of them ever returned.
the tradition was old from centuries ago, your ancestors carefully choosing a bride to send up the hill you were currently on. they never missed a year, scared of the wrath of the monster.
they did try rebelling some hundred years ago, refusing to send another one of their comrade to their fateful death. after this day, they never once disrespected the wish of the beast as they coldly remembered the terrified looks of the thousands of teenagers who were turned to stone in a single night. frozen by the gaze of the man they now obeyed without a fault.
after this came a prophecy ; upon hearing the sad news, an oracle visited them to deliver the truth from the gods above. they listened attentively as the woman spoke, affirming that they were to perpetrate the ritual if they wanted to keep their people alive, until someone with a similar curse came into this world. only then, will the circle of atrocities come to an end.
today was your turn, no reasons were given to you as you marched, the lack of familiar surroundings was enough to put you into such a distress state you didn't know what to do with yourself.
"we'll leave you here. enter the cave, you'll find your way if you follow the walls." they pushed you forward, promptly leaving you here after threatening you to keep going. you had no choice but to do so, unable to decipher where you even came from, the walk was long and tiring, you knew you wouldn't make it back.
so you followed the path, fingers running on the wet and rocky walls, silence engulfing you totally with only the soft sound of your footsteps around. the floor was soft though, almost inviting and comfortable and you soon understood you arrived to your destination.
your heartbeats accelerated, scared and disoriented when a new scent hit your nose, yours emitting a stressed one.
"an omega ? they usually keep them to themselves" you jumped at the foreign mumbling voice, deep and low. you said nothing and kept your right hand on the wall, for a semblance of control of your surroundings.
"it's not like I care anyways. you can keep the blindfold, I'll guide you to the garden" and with that, a cold hand grasped your shoulder, forcing you away from the wall which kept you steady.
you whimpered at the sudden touch, musky scent invading your privacy. he dragged you gently to an open area, you could tell it was with the way the wind caressed your skin and the shivers it sent you.
"stay here. you'll look perfect with the others. I never had such a pretty one being sent my way", his breathe fanned over your ear, you felt his face dangerously close to yours and you kept wondering how the beast could actually be an alpha and not some faceless furry thing, instead he smelled and seemed just like any villagers you met.
you were scared. you felt small and defenceless. but you remained there, unmoving and ready to undergo any treatment. what would a blind omega like you could even do against the terrible beast you've heard countless of atrocious stories about ?
"it'll be over quickly. just don't move", and with that, you felt his big hands leave your arms and instead reaching behind your head for the neat knot the other betas women of the village had done while preparing you.
your nails dug into your flesh and left red marks, you hoped nothing of it hurt. you knew you would be changed into a statue and you hoped it was as painless as he told you. you trusted his words, despite him being the one inflicting such a deplorable fate.
the blindfold fell off your face and you opened your eyes in a blink, looking up despite not seeing anything.
and he looked at you, right into your eyes, shocked and confused. "you're blind ?", he asked you with a voice void of any confidence he had earlier, it came in a whisper, almost as a vulnerable affirmation more than a true question.
you nodded, unsure of what was happening. "my curse only works if you can look at me in the eyes. but you're blind.", he repeated, as if trying to convince himself it was real, that you were real.
the man drops the blindfold to his feet, looking at your face, your eyes, impressed by how much cuter you looked when he could see your whole face.
"you're... I can't turn you into a statue then"
"what will you do then ? if the ritual doesn't work they'll have to send someone else ? are you going to hurt my people ?", your stressed out scent hit him in the gut ; he didn't want to make you feel distressed.
"don't worry about anything at all. this place is perfect. nobody will be coming here anymore, you can relax"
he was enjoying the pleasure of finding someone resistant to his curse, surely you weren't leaving at all. you were his new companion.
you're right, he hadn't felt a human touch in so long, but that's exactly why he will be extra careful with you. even after centuries he still knows how soft and fragile omegas are, he'll take great care of you. it'll be just the two of you and mikey's undefeated power. you're the only one immune, he'll scare people away like he always did, turn them into statues without even lifting a finger, keeping you in his arms while he only has to lift his gaze to erase the threat.
and he'll also get rid of all of the old statues in the garden! it's your garden now, so there's no need for such frightening decorations...
mikey is so ecstatic, he didn't feel such bliss in a while. he's already anticipating all the things you're both going to do together !
but despite his excitement, mikey still is an alpha born in such old times, so he's old-fashioned : he loves you, provides for you and protects you, and as such, he doesn't tolerate outbursts from you. he likes respect. he's an alpha, so you need to listen to him. he's doing that for the both of you! just keep making happy and he'll keep you away from those terrible people you call your family, who deliberately sent you here, even while knowing what would become of you...
but regardless, he's just so happy to be cured from his usual loneliness that he unknowingly becomes more and more lenient, accepting anything from his new omega. you're such a joy to his normally gloomy and silent day. keep talking to him, keep asking him to show you around, he loves it.
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ALPHA! MITSUYA (a strange saviour)
you cursed yourself under your breath for being such a dumb person while gripping tighter a wicker basket filled to the brim with freshly picked flowers.
they only bloomed at night during the full moon and they just smelled so good you couldn't help yourself from going out once a month to snatch them from the tricky path where they grew.
it was risky and dangerous, not only because you were aventuring yourself in such a desolated area, but also because your sweet aroma seemed to get even softer the longer you walked to your house.
you hurried along, feet stumbling through the hard floor and occasional rocks all because of your precipitation. distinct voices and irregular steps were following you close behind, getting closer with each times you missed a step while scurrying down the stairs and met with a wall you didn't remember was there.
"y/n ! hurry and get your ass back there, you know I don't like chasing a blind omega around, just come here and stop making things harder for the both of us !", you shivered from the strong authoritative voice, calling you back in an annoyed growled while his friends snickered by his sides, enjoying way too much this little tantrum you were pulling.
your tears came running down your face, feeling so helpless with how little you knew your way and how merciless you knew your fiancé would be once he got his hands on you.
you never agreed to such proposal, but you came from a poor family and they were just too desperate to marry off their defective daughter. you were handed off to a same-age alpha, a spoiled idiot who liked to torment you even though you weren't still officially his wife.
if you knew you would've met him during your outing, you would've kept your basket neatly away in a closet and sat down near the fireplace.
when he caught you walking all alone at night, the alcohol in his brain and lack of respect for your dignity led him to a pervet shout your way.
he said he simply wanted to introduce you to his friends but with the way they were all looking at you was enough to tell you otherwise. so you ran, not sure where you were heading to.
in a second, you stopped abruptly in your tracks, a forceful hand grasping your arm and pushing you to the wall before you could even react. the force was such you felt light-headed, and the horny scents of the little pack of alphas made you nearly gag.
you pleaded and cried for him not to touch you, both being the only thing you could do. "oh come on, you're making me look like the bad guy here. isn't it my right to touch you as your fiancé?"
you cried harder, shaking your head and asking him to let you go. you felt such distress it was hard to control yourself. you were disoriented and lost, absolutely confused as to who exactly was before you excepted for your fiancé. would anyone save you if you screamed ? you doubted it, considering how his family was respected and felt sick in your head to know nobody would take the side of an omega like you.
you were wriggling again the grip he had on your neck when you felt it. cold and hard on your skin, rough to the touch and barely alive anymore. silence fell upon you before you could breathe again and a loud shattering noise was heard. tiny pieces of rocks hit your feet and your eyebrows furrowed when you heard the panicked pleads of the once so arrogant alphas.
you stayed put, unaware of the crime scene before you and the lavender-haired man who had just emerged from the next street upon catching your screams and sour scent.
you tried to catch your breathe, a serie of "please no!" escaping their throats, but you never relaxed, even when the deafening silence engulfed you once again after the similar shattering sounds were heard.
your eyes were wide open, frantically searching around in the obscurity. you gathered your hands to your chest in hope to make you appear smaller than you were, to appease whoever was pissed off.
"I'm sorry they did that to you", you jumped at the calm tone of his voice. you instinctively turned your head towards him, your pretty eyes catching his unknowingly.
he felt himself tense under your stare because of how unusual it was for him to be face to face with anyone.
"go home for tonight and don't wander alone like that again", there was some distance between the both of you, his voice was far away and let you relax a little at his warm and gentle intonation.
despite his initial excitement, his eyes softened when you seemed to trust him, taking slow and careful steps toward him, his voice guiding you.
he watched as you stumble on one of the statues and mitsuya approached you with cautious steps, alerting you that he was coming closer. "tell me if you want me to leave you"
you reassured him with a soar and soft voice, sounding oh so fragile. he offered you his hand in a silent reassurance and with a gentleness you didn't expect. you took it hesitantly and he guided you out of the dark alley you found yourself in.
"are you alright now ?", he asked after a while. none of you seemed to want to let go of each other's hand. he felt strangely scared to leave you alone and the foreign sense of security he gave you forced the two of you together.
"yes, thanks to you"
mitsuya was a sweet man despite the initial fear everyone seemed to arbour every time they met him. he took his sweet time getting to know you, and you didn't expect to have him by your door the next day, your basket of flowers put back together in one piece after being torn apart yesterday night.
you kept having little dates together, secretly hiding away in the deep forest mitsuya knew by heart. he made sure to take you to the best spots, while reassuring you with soft hums and a comforting scent every chance he got.
the connexion he felt with you was refreshing and sparked in him a protective instinct he didn't think he had in him.
he wanted to make sure you felt safe and would be willing to go on another date with him afterwards so he behaved correctly while assuring you nobody would be mean to you if you remained by his side.
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ALPHA! KAZUTORA (a fateful kidnapping)
bloody screams and desperate attempts at escaping drove each one of you mad. you ran without knowing where, only trying to chase away the yelling of your people.
you tripped against the statues littered across the floor, scratching your knees and hurting your hands in the process. you tried not to think of your dead loved ones, only focusing on your survival.
he was mad, completely crazy and thirsty for revenge.
your people had failed to give him a satisfying enough offering like you always did and here were the consequences.
a real massacre.
you found your way to a deserted house and pushed the door open, you scurried under the small space of the stairs, not having enough strength to drag yourself anywhere farther.
you heard him not long after, slow steps as if teasing you. you both knew you weren't winning and it amused him.
"where are you hiding little one ? if only you could smell yourself, only a fool would walk pass such a sweet scent"
you tried to muffle your pitiful cries, eyes shutting themselves with force. you couldn't calm your breathing down when he came closer, knowing exactly where you went but wanting to see you give yourself to him willingly.
"so cute", he whispered that more to himself than you, a smirk stretching his lips.
he bent down right next to you, inhaling deeply your scent. he took a lock of your hair in his hands, a satisfied look in his eyes.
"oh come on omega, just open your pretty eyes for me to see. listen to me while I'm being nice"
when you refused he persisted, keen on to see you give in. "you're the only one left omega, better make this quick for yourself don't you think?", your breath was cut short at the revelation, growing more and more distressed at your predicament.
"calm down, just breathe for me okay. don't want you fainting on me, it would be no fun right?"
a strange fondness made his way inside kazutora's heart while he helped you reach a calmer state. your head was still kept low, and tears kept running. but you managed to slow down your heartbeats thanks to him spreading calming pheromones all around you, your instincts reacting to them without your consent.
"that's right, just like that. you're doing so well"
and slowly but surely, everything felt calm again. you reached for his hands now gently cradling your face and forced them away from you.
you felt desperate, his proximity kept your thoughts going as just how fucked up your situation was, how inescapable it was. so you took advantage of your more relaxed state to pry your eyes open, guiding them up to meet his.
he watched you silently, almost regretfully but did nothing to stop you. he was eager to see your whole face and in the mere second when you lifted your face, he swore your statue would be the only one he took with him. he wouldn't let you rot away with the others. such a scared and fragile little thing...
and yet, he fell silent as he took in your soft features.
"your eyes...", he trailed off, shocked.
you were just as confused. why wasn't he doing anything? why was it taking so long? he mirrored your confusion, was your blindness enough to stop his curse from working on you?
a wave of relief washed over him and for the first time in years, kazutora felt at peace.
he didn't have to carry with him your dead body, he could simply ask you to follow him, or even better! he was going to court you, just like he dreamed of doing. he could look at you in all the angles and you wouldn't be harmed !
how sweet life was to finally smile at him and gift him a precious omega.
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ALPHA! BAJI (a gift from aphrodite)
desperately lonely. that's how baji felt for hundred of years now, since he was struck with his curse.
he ostracised himself from society, scared of bringing harm to anyone who would do just as much as look at him. he was feared and hated, despite never wishing anything bad on anyone.
one night, he found himself on the temple of aphrodite, the goddess of love, and begged all he could to grant him his only wish. the only desire he ever had.
upon hearing his cries, the goddess sent her child, cupidon, and charged him with a mission to bring her faithful devotee the perfect match for him.
you didn't know how you found yourself here, laying down on that same altar baji was praying on just about a few minutes ago.
all your senses were alert, trying to catch any familiar scent that would indicate where you were.
but you didn't smell anything, except for the cold marble floor and the strong and intimidating scent of what could be nothing else, if not an alpha.
"w-where am I? and who are you?" your voice bounced on the walls of the immense temple, and it sounded just like honey to baji's ears.
he couldn't believe his own eyes. had his prayers finally been answered? after a hundred years all but begging for the deity to let him find a precious omega who would come to love him and who wouldn't be harmed by his deadly curse.
and there you were! from the way your doe-eyes were looking around you, never settling on anything, he knew he had nothing to be scared about.
you won't crumble under his gaze, and baji could keep and love you to himself, just like he always dreamt.
he carefully went up to you, sweet words and kind purrs. and as if you were destined, you felt nothing but comfort emitting from the stranger, trusting him fully after just a few minutes.
"hey there, that's it I'm right here. you can stay up there while I come to help you down, okay?"
baji's instincts were screaming, blissfully looking at his adorable omega. he didn't know how to thank aphrodite, but one thing was for sure, he was going to cherish you to show just how grateful he was.
ALPHA! IZANA (sick love)
izana couldn't believe it and he'll keep spending his whole life trying to ignore the deadly weapon he has in his eyes.
it wasn't always like that, it was only the result of a deity's punishment after he had accidentally profaned his temple.
and the day he witnessed the first ever person falling to his death for simply looking at him was a nightmare burned inside his memory.
he hated the curse and hated how isolated he became afterwards, how his village, his friends and even his family chased him from his hometown, refusing to even take one last look at him.
but luckily he had you. his sweet childhood friend who stayed with him through thick and thin while never feeding the thought of abandoning him like all the others.
you were blind and resistant to his curse, so your relationship never changed. at first.
the usually kind alpha you knew quickly turned bitter and tried to drive away anybody trying to come to you, just like they all avoided him.
if they thought his curse was going to make it easier for them to court you, they were dead wrong.
izana developed a growing obsession for you and a sick jealousy which ruled your entire life now. you thought it would pass once he recognised your loyalty and eventually came to terms with his own cursed eyes. but he never did and only worsened with the time, growling at you to never leave him, that you would lose your way without his guidance, that people would try to steal you because of how naive and innocent you were. he wanted to force this codependency on you and break you down to make it sure you would always need him.
none of it made sense and you tried to reason him. even when people started to yell at him to get away from here, only you stood by his side, knowing that the charming boy you once knew wasn't all gone.
but this situation only made it easier for him to keep you for himself, your people not caring if you left alongside him as long as he left the village immediately.
he comforted himself at seeing your similar treatment and grew overly possessive, only allowing you to breathe and stay pretty next to him, occasionally patching up his wounds if he had to fight someone for your safety.
"y/n, you know how much I love you right ? those people only wish the worst for us, that's why I had to do that, you understand? I just need you, my sweet omega, you'll stay with me, right?"
and you don't have a choice but to mutter a kind "of course!" with a fake enthusiasm, knowing full well that even though he can't force you to stay put by turning you into stone, he can and will physically restrain you enough that you'll never even foster the idea of running away and leave him alone.
you're the only flawless being he ever met, izana wishes for things to stay that way. you offer him stability and if you were to be gone, he'd completely lose it.
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shawtuzi · 1 year
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i love plug!eren sm that’s literally my husband and as much as i love writing about how good he fucks let’s talk about how good he is at aftercare!!!!
“s-shit m’gonna cum, take it take all that shit,” eren grunted into your neck, pressing sloppy kisses to your slightly sweaty skin. you were squeezing onto his hand for dear life as he brought you to another earth shattering orgasm, his warm cum filling you up while you shook in his arms. you’d think after five rounds of sex he’d be too tired to even lift his head from your neck but here he was already standing up to retrieve a warm washcloth, but not before giving your puffy lips three quick kisses.
you sighed dreamily as if you were in a daze, you grabbed the post sex blunt he rolled earlier and lit it. “i know you didn’t spark that shit without me,” eren chuckled as he walked in the room with a rag in hand. “i’m sorryyy i couldn’t help myself,” you giggled throwing your arm over your face. eren was a little pouty at first but his frown was quickly replaced with a smile when you offered the blunt to him. “wanna take a bath when i’m done?” he asked settling between your parted legs. you shook your head mumbling something about being too tired.
the next couple of minutes were pretty quiet as eren cleaned you up, the only sound being heard was ‘pretty little birds’ playing lowly from eren’s speaker. “m’gonna hit the block tomorrow for a bit but i’ll still be able to take you to your nail appointment,” he spoke softly running washcloth over your thigh. you hummed at his words even though you weren’t completely listening all the way—i mean how could you focus when he looks so damn good post sex??? you took another hit of the blunt before speaking, “can you stay with me until i’m done? maybe we can get food afterwards?” eren nodded his head, “of course i will you know i always do.”
it was now time for your fav part of aftercare—the cuddling!!! your head was laid on his chest as he gently ran his tatted hand up and down your back. “i can already tell i’m gonna be sore tomorrow i don’t know how i’m gonna be able to walk properly,” you groaned nuzzling your face in his chest, inhaling the intoxicating scent of his body wash. eren kissed his teeth and you looked up at him with confusion in those cute little doe eyes of yours. “baby, you know i’d carry you to whole different state if you asked. if you don’t feel like walking to the car or even into the salon you know i’ll be ready,” he chuckled running his thumb across the apple of your cheek. “you’re the best ren,” you smiled leaning up to give him three kisses.
‘in this darkness’ by clara la san began to play on the speaker and surprisingly enough eren began to hum along to it. “you know this?” you asked making eren smile. “yeah…i remember you played it one time in the car and i kept listening to it after that. kinda reminds me of you,” he said the last part so quietly you almost couldn’t hear but luckily you did. “it reminds you of me? how so?” eren was quiet for a moment before speaking, “just the lyrics and shit, i mean i do get lonely when you aren’t here and before we met my world actually almost did shut down i hated it n’ i was miserable. then you came around and just lit everything up, i was finally happy to get out of bed in the morning all because i knew i’d see or hear from you. not to be corny or whatever but i guess you could say you’re the—i don’t know light of my life or whatever.”
eren glanced at you and immediately regretted everything he said when he saw tears in your eyes, “no no no y/n please don’t start crying i’m just saying shit—” you cut eren off with a long kiss quite literally taking his breath away. “that was so sweet eren you really have a way with words you know? that sounded like it really came from the heart,” your smile was as wide as could be as you gave him another kiss. eren was never the type to put all his emotions out in the open and you could never blame him after hearing what he’d been through, so to hear him express that you were the ‘light of his life’ it meant more than anything.
after about fifteen minutes eren peeked down at your now sleeping figure, little snores coming from your parted lips. he ever so gently set you next to him—not bc he didn’t want you on him he just wanted to admire your face and body one last time for the day before he went to bed. he traced his finger from your eyebrow to your nose that you recently had double pierced, down to your lips that he was itching to kiss. if eren had to pick any part of you he loved the most it would be your lips hands down. he loved the way they looked so pretty all glossed up and shiny, and he loved it even more when you left lipstick prints on him—hence why he’s got a tattoo of a (your) lipstick print on the side of his neck. he could still remember the look of terror on your face as you inspected it but you had grown to love it just like all his other tattoos.
he looked at your naked chest as it rose and fell ever so gently as you slept. he could never quite pinpoint why you had not been happy with how your body looked in the past but he never pried afraid he’d upset you with the question. so instead throughout the expanse of your relationship he made sure to kiss every scar, every stretch mark, every imperfect perfection you had to let you know he thought you were a walking goddess and quite literally everyone including him should be kneeling at your feet.
eren pulled you closer to him and gave you one last kiss on the crown of your head before dozing off, hoping that he would see you in his dreams.
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fuxuannie · 11 months
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🐠 haii for the requests milestone thingy could u do pavitr prabhakar x reader and the prompt “are we ab to kiss rn” and then the other actually leans in? c: TY IF U CAN ‼️❤️💖
↳ pairing : pavtir prabhakar x g-neutral reader
↳ synopsis : request ♡
↳ authors note : EUEEUEEU this is sosososo cute actually, i love this idea sm. ATSV SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT !!! im not entirely sure if i like this.. bute eeurrueue i tried my best
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You and PAVITR had known each other for a while, long enough that he trusts you with his secret of being Spiderman with how close you two were.
Now you were on one of the tallest buildings in Mumbattan, swinging your feet over the ledge as Pavitr sat beside you with his hand unintentionally holding onto yours firmly since there was a small bit of lingering fear at the idea of you falling.
"Jeez, finally.. a break." He sighs in relief, taking off his mask with his free hand as you chuckle. "Isn't being Spiderman supposed to be sooo easy, Pav?" You teased, watching him roll his eyes in amusement. "Well, of course it is. But it certainly is busy, and I really just wanna spend time with you." Pavitr answers honestly, noticing how you seemed to be even just a little surprised and he was very entertained by that idea. You can already see his own little smirk beginning to form.
You clear your throat to hopefully shift the topic. "What made you so burnt-out today then?"
It didn't take long for you to see how his face shifts to a frown, and you knew exactly what he was about to bring up. "Miguel.. he's been so hard on some of us recently, especially the new-comers who he introduced the 'canon events' to." Pavitr runs a hand through his hair, his sigh was a mix of sadness and frustration as he recalls the events that occured earlier in the day. "They just want to save their loved ones.. no one can accept that kind of information and simply allow it to happen, you know?"
You nod along with his statement, unable to even imagine the dread those people must feel, just waiting for the people they care about most to die for their own development.
"But that's a sad topic, and today is supposed to be a nice resting day for the both of us." Pavitr smiles a little to lighten the mood, squeezing your hand softly as you take a deep breath. "Mines not been the best either.."
The smile he tries to hold falters at those words.
"Mom.. she's still very insistent on the arranged marriage." You let out a forced and bitter laugh. "I don't.. I mean, I don't know if I want to marry that person when I'm older. I've met them twice, Pav. And in the future, I have to spend every single loving who is essentially a stranger. Isn't that even a little weird in my parents eyes?"
He hated seeing how hopeless you looked, having no choice in who you want to love is devestating and in some cases lonely. Seeing real couples on the street and wondering what kind of innocent love you're likely missing out on.
Pavitr stands up and your head follows him as he does so, watching his determination-filled face as he pulls you up with ease. "Let's not wallow in sadness, yes? I'd much rather see you smile than frown." His hand makes its way to your cheek, causing you to chuckle softly as you lean into the touch and place your hand over his. "Thanks, Pav."
And without thinking, the next sentence you manage to stupidly utter out is; "Gosh, I wish you were the one I married instead."
You can see the visible surprise in his face when you say that, before you realize what exactly escaped your lips. "W-wait..-"
But it seems like Pavitr seems more affected than you, the hand once placed on your cheek immediately pulled back to cover his mouth and the uncontrollable but flustered smile on his face.
"You want to marry me??"
Instead of a mocking or angry tone, he seems genuinely happy that the person he's had a secret crush on for year or so finally gives some sort of hint that he's more than a friend.
"Do you mean it? Like.. really mean it?"
"I mean, yeah! Anyone would want to marry you.."
There's silence exchanged between the two of you, staring at each other in confusion, disbelief and surprise.
"What? Are we about to kiss right now?"
Pavitr teased to ease his nerves, but imagine how much worse they got when you actually started to lean in. He begins to quietly panic, however in all honesty he wants to do nothing else but kiss you at the moment. What if he never gets the chance to do it again? He couldn't risk that.
He finally presses his lips against yours, albeit very very nervously but a kiss is a kiss and goodness is he into it. Pavitr melts into the intimacy, but is very quick to pull away incase you're uncomfortable.
It seems almost impossible how fast his heart is racing when he watches your eyes flutter open and the realization that you actually kissed Pavitr rushes through your head quickly.
...
"Can we do that again..?"
"Gladly."
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mitoad · 1 month
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giggling ab this okay so
imagine gaz n reader, they've just started to date
and reader is trans (ftm) but gaz doesn't know that yet
but then after a few weeks of dating reader is taking their T in the bathroom/bedroom and had forgotten to lock the door & gaz walks in oh no,,
YEAH so!!! i hope that's enough to.. you know. yeah!!!! i 💗 ur fics sm.
(we need more ftm fics RIGHT NOW!!)
whoEVER ANON IS . I LOVE U . Thank u so so so so much 4 this request my fingers have been acting to write m or ftm content u have appealed to my deepest desires . myways this rq is super silly i love chilled out gay mf and nervous closeted trans mf dynamic so much. 
Also posted on trans visibility day lets GOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
the same (always changing); kyle 'gaz' garrick + trans male! reader (979 words)
notes: some implied and described internalised transphobia, mentions of transphobia, mentions of gender dysphoria, reader does not have top surgery yet, partial nudity on reader (non-sexual), little hurt/comfort type w/ fluff at the end !!
-
It wasn’t meant to be a secret. It really wasn't.
But here you are, cooped up in the cold premise of your shared bathroom, waiting for the gel to dry into your skin as you stare at your figure in the mirror, noticing the little changes with a strange sense of europhia. You wished you could run back to the arms of your boyfriend as you ramble about how good the hormones have been working, how you can see your outer shell peeling open to show the man who's been living in the inside, a feedback loop that had you seeing yourself in reflections instead of skin and hair and face that you'd barely recognised. Maybe his face would melt into that gorgeous smile, arms pulling you closer to him like he's seeping off the happiness he swears he sees seeping off your skin's pores. But it's the flip of a coin, a winning ticket in an uncertain lottery.
you're not so sure if Kyle would love the kind of person you were.
gender hadn't ever been a point of focus in your conversations, never something that had to be caught and pinned down with word or thought. he was a man, you were a man, and you loved each other. both of you did your best to keep it at that simplicity. but part of you, like the serpent to adam and eve, had always doubted whether kyle would look at you with the same eyes if you somehow ended up showing him your childhood photos or now-invalid passport, the face that was still soaked with dysphoria-ridden tears. 
the gel is still sticking to your ribs when the door practically flies off its hinges slamming against concrete walls and gaping open your closed eyes with ugly sound. There's a groan of exasperation that should make you giggle, but only makes already tense muscles almost turn to stone. "honey, you done ? really need to take a fat shi-" 
And then there's that silence both unsurprising but dreaded, how it felt to inhale smoke. 
You hate the shock as his eyes run over your bare chest in realisation, feeling any words about to come out crawling back into your windpipe as he notices the thin layer of gel and the label of the bottle on the sink. 
"love?" he calls, an endearing substitute replacing your name. you didn’t know if he'd call you that, even after this revelation. Or did he not know what else to call you now that this had been revealed ? "kyle," you echo. 
please just look at me, kyle. 
his eyes still look the same as how they look at you; stormclouds that accompany you on lonely and rainy nights, and your eyes can't help on focus on the pretty shade of grey instead of the battering of water droplets hitting against tin. Not once  does it ever shift to malice or hatred- only worry, for you, maybe. 
"do you want to talk about it right now ?" isn't the response that you expected. It's an gentle offer, and extended hand waiting for you to take or push away, more freeing than astute observations of your perceived identity or the bitter words hissed out when others had realised. You can only nod your head in response. 
"im sorry," you say, and you don’t know how much (what you're) apologising for. Sorry for never telling you. Sorry for making a distance that could have been avoided. Sorry for being this without your permission, anyone else's permission. 
but he's quick to hold you and the shame that you carry , not minding any of the gel residue on his shirt. "hey, no, it's okay," his voice is gentle, reaching out for your secluded self. "remember what I told you when we first started dating?" he puts a hand to your head, playing with your hair as he pulls you closer to him. "I love all of you, dove. Everything." he rests his chin onto your shoulder, murmuring the words into your ear. And you can't help but hug back, clinging to him like a lifeline. Your lifeline. "I love you too," you muse.
you both stay there for a minute before he pulls away with a complaint of some back pain from a recent mission, and you kiss his nose, allowing yourself to smile for the first time since he'd entered the room. "so.." you start, now perched on the rim of the bathtub. "you're ok with me being trans?"
you giggle when he deadpans at you, "love, I just hugged you for 5 full minutes after seeing you apply testosterone instead of taking a shit. I don’t really care if you're trans." 
and after your testosterone dries and you put on your shirt, you both in bed, tangled up in each other's arms. ramblings about little stories or town gossip. professions of grandiose love guised under quiet murmurs. the hormones are still a little crusty on your skin, but they're doing the work that should have been done since birth. 
The same, always changing. 
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neighborlystudios · 5 months
Note
Hi hi!
I saw you had written a bit for cp lh!rayman so if it's okay and if you're accepting requests, could you possibly do rayman flustering the reader in his suave tv host way?
・﹒・ suave host
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Summary: You were at a party for Eden's most elite, only there due to your friend. It was for Rayman, but parties never were your thing, so you opted for sitting away from everyone. The host seemed to have found you and taken interest in you.
Warnings: 18+, suggestive comments
Notes: Hey! Thanks sm for the request! Sorry this took a while to get to! Im sorry if this was really short, I hope you enjoy regardless though! :D
It was a party for the elite, those high in Eden's ecosystem that were rich, you were only here because your friend knew one of the producers of the Eden Late Show with Rayman. In fact, he was here right now, as this was his party for reaching his 30th season. You haven't seen him yet though, opting to stay towards the quieter areas of the roof as social interaction was not your forte. You had wanted to meet him for so many years now, but anxiety did not want to. Were you ready to accept the fact that you were not as boisterous as him or as cute as him, or well...as popular and rich as him.
Dressed all nice, you looked down at Eden from the secluded part pf the balcony you picked swishing a wine glass full of water imagining it as the namesake. You chose not to drink any alcohol and if you did, it wouldn't make your first impression any better if you did manage to meet him. Meeting all these people above your social status only made your anxiety grow, feeling like one wrong word would make them blacklist you from any jobs and ruin your life. Setting the glass down, you stood up and walked to the glass railing, leaning on it and crossing your arms.
It's not like you hate Eden, far from it, you just wished that you could be successful like all these people here, to be able to have that financial security and to be able to positively impact others. That's why you loved Rayman so much, just by hearing his voice made you happy and comforted knowing that he was here to give hope to everyone.
"You're looking lonely there" That same voice cut through your thoughts and caused you to look back in surprise. Eyes wide, you looked in shock as the Rayman walked closer to you with his trademark smile. Why was he here and not where the main party is? You realized you didn't say anything and was just staring. Coughing, you choked up a reply and hope you didn't look like a total idiot.
"Well uh...these types of parties aren't really my thing hah..." awkwardly chuckling as you cringed, yeah that was bad. He didn't seem detoured though as he only walked closer and stopped when he was right beside you. You knew he was short, but being right next to him really hit you for the height difference between you both.
"Why are you here then? Wanted to see handsom old me?" He winked, causing your face to warm as you stutter out denials, he wasn't convinced naturally. Honestly, that's one of the reasons you went, but it was embarrassing to admit, especially to the man himself. He chuckled and pulled a chair from nearby, up to the railing, pulling himself up and standing on it so he was eye level with you. You cracked a smile and laughed, he looked like a toddler doing that.
"What's so funny huh? You won't be laughing when I-" he then leaned closer, surprising you as his mouth was right next to your ear.
"Show you a good time" and you were dead. Face now on fire, you clamped a hand over your mouth as he pulled away, face painted with a smug smile. Was he actually flirting with you right now?
"Awe, so shy, its adorable. You gone mute...hm...I might know a way to make you talk" He knew exactly what buttons to press to make you melt, causing you to grip onto the railing to prevent you from falling as your breathing quickened.
"I am the most powerful man in Eden after all...imagine...having everything you could ever wanted and more...So. Much. More." Anymore of this and you would collapse, not knowing how to respond or what to even do. It didn't help that his hand started to caress your thigh, only increasing his advances. Never in your entire life would you believe for a second that THE Rayman would hit on you, yet here you were, him hitting on you. The moment didn't last though, as someone came out and called out to Rayman that a journalist wanted to do an interview on him. Pulling away, he said one last thing before leaving.
"This isn't over. Meet me here in the lobby tomorrow, seven pm sharp" and he was gone. Once he was out of sight, you fell to the floor and was left to process what had just happened.
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junicult · 9 months
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I love how you write harvey sm!!! You had me swooning with every words !! So sweet, short, and straight to the point but very flavorful and entertaining! i'm so happy i came across your blog !
I have a prompt that u can feel free to use!
What do you think Harvey is like when he & the farmer just got married? For example, is he very timid that he couldn't sleep when next to the farmer? Is he very hesitant to hold them? Or other things u think/headcanon? Would love to read your thoughts! Thank you so much for your time !!<3
!! harvey as your new husband
contains ; domestic fluff. another post of me rambling lol. entirely sfw! gn!farmer / gender is never implied. short drabble.
note ; i’m in a harvey brainrot rn that every time i try to sit down to write for the other bachelors, i just end up staring at my screen doing nothing 😓
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when you were only dating, it wasn’t rare for harvey to come over while you were working after he found some time of his own.
even once, after you invited him over and sighed about how dirty you felt the cottage was since you hardly had time to clean—he became accustomed to do so just for you.
bringing over his own cleaning supplies just to sweep the dust, help with laundry, clean your kitchen and make dinner for you.
and he didn’t even mind doing all of it, just to help you lift the weight of your chores.
so after that one time, and you came home to see a squeaky clean home, and your excellent boyfriend after a particularly exhausting day—you could’ve cried.
not to mention, he goes the great mile. those large yellow gloves over his hands, non-slip shoes and a hardware apron over his clothes so he wouldn’t get himself dirty.
some may say it’s a bit dramatic, but he says prepared.
anyways, it became a routine he was fond of doing.
harvey came over a lot. to the point where his own house didn’t really feel like home anymore.
he hated those nights when he couldn’t come over, forced to sleep in his own bed without you by his side. it would take him longer to fall asleep if he couldn’t feel you next to him. he probably had to hug a pillow just to feel something lol.
so when you got married, it’s safe to say he was ecstatic to be moving out of his lonely apartment. especially when you made time to come help him, packing stuff in boxes.
it really made him realize how life changing it is. to see you labeling each box, sorting through his cds and tapes while talking about your future together.
“i think these would look nice in our living room, i could move my bookshelf over and we could squeeze this in…” you ramble on, face full of concentration.
it made his heart gush, even just hearing you call it our living room.
when you’d “ooo” and “aaa” at items of his you looked forward to decorating the house with, and “uhh” at the ones you didn’t. he couldn’t possibly be upset, if anything, he’d laugh at your honesty. there’s nothing that’d make him upset right now.
so when you were finally married, you had to work but he spent the majority of the day squeezing his stuff into the house like you both planned, it still felt right.
you didn’t have to be beside him, helping him unbox for him to be happy. he found everything seemed to fit in place.
settling in didn’t feel as much of a task as you both thought it’d be. there was always a cloud of sadness when he’d have to leave, so finally that experience was tarnished after the knot was tied.
there’s no leaving anymore, because he always comes right back.
at this point, his nerves being around you were fizzled, but of course he still got butterflies when he’d see you.
any moment he was intimate with you still made him feel much younger with the way his heart would pound and his palms would grow sweaty. even if you were just leaning in to kiss him.
so the first night you two were living together as a married couple—i don’t think he’d be so nervous.
or at least, not nervous in a bad way.
“which side of the bed should i sleep on?”
“harvey, we’ve slept together before. this isn’t new.” you tease.
“well we’ve never slept together as a married couple who lives in the same house. this is the start to the rest of our lives, i want to make sure we’re making the right decision,” and after he realizes what he implied, he’s widening his eyes and shaking his head, “no! not like that! as in, what if i sleep on the right side, but i sleep on my right side so my back is always turned to you—“
“harvey, honey…i’m not going to be mad at you if i wake up and you’re not facing me.” you giggle.
he really knows how to overthink everything.
but once you’re finally tucked in bed together (you on the right, him on the left) i don’t think he’ll overthink at this point.
by now, you’re both so in love that he doesn’t second guess reaching over to hold you anymore. he doesn’t need to rethink all of that.
when you latch onto him, pressing your face into his chest and wrapping your arms around him—he’s bound to get butterflies. you may even hear his heart beat a little quicker. but he’s not shy to give you the same treatment.
if he could, he’d hold you all day. he never wants to let go.
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Wait what's wrong with Maeve and Maxine 😭😭 and I do agree that there's sm off with Garcia in CME
There’s nothing wrong with them, really. If you like them, then power to you. The show is fictional and so are the characters, and I don’t ever recommend that people care as much about prime-time television writing as I do lmao.
That being said, I have a few complaints about Maeve as a character and Maxine as a partner for Spencer. I’ll put them below because it’s a lot.
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For starters, Maeve is an awful geneticist. I’m also confused as to what the hell her job is. If you have an understanding of medical science, you know that absolutely no part of their story makes sense unless Maeve is an awful person.
(For the record, I don’t think the writers understand medical science, so this is probably unintentional.)
We’re introduced to Maeve as the woman who cured Spencer’s headaches. When he explains how she did that, the “magical cure” is, in fact, the equivalent of a multivitamin. Setting aside how unlikely it is that none of Spencer’s doctors could identify a very basic nutritional deficiency, it’s absolutely absurd that Maeve would recommend high doses of vitamins to someone who isn’t her patient.
(Is she even a medical doctor. Do we ever get confirmation? You don’t need to be to be a geneticist. I know because I’ve worked for one.)
That leads to the next question. Why the FUCK did she agree to read someone’s brain scans? You are NOT a radiologist and you’re not a neurologist. You have NO idea what you’re doing.
Now we move into her even more serious ethical violations.
Maeve identifies this man who is desperately seeking care for (what appear to be) psychosomatic symptoms as a result of trauma and stress. Instead of, I don’t know, helping him access psychiatric care he clearly needs, she…
That’s right! She starts dating him!
Maeve is a master manipulator. We see it repeatedly. Every time that Spencer begins to open up to her or offer her any vulnerability, she responds by either mocking the things he enjoys or by suddenly freezing him out. The one extended conversation we see between the two of them, Spencer expresses the desire to get to know her better, and once again offers his very specialized assistance in her exact problem.
What does Maeve do in response? She refuses to answer. The call goes silent, and she immediately proceeds to heavily guilt him while he apologizes in excess. She starts to vocally cry, but then immediately stops when he retracts his feelings.
Then, when he is devastated by being rejected, she tells him that she loves him and hangs up the phone.
What?
Then we get introduced to Bobby—the very recent fiancé that Maeve completely refused to mention. We hear from Maeve’s parents that Bobby was “controlling,” but when we see him, and how he interacts with Maeve… he’s completely normal? In fact, he seems genuinely concerned for her safety.
We have no reason to believe Bobby was ever acting against her best interests. She sure didn’t give a shit what happened to him, though, or else she could’ve helped him (and herself) by simply letting the FBI help her with a very basic and unsophisticated stalker that was identified in like five seconds.
Maeve didn’t want help. Maeve didn’t want Spencer to be cured. She wanted him to be available and rely on her because she was bored. She was lonely and she exploited a sick man for company. She left Bobby because she was worried about his safety. Didn’t give a fuck about Spencer’s, though.
I think Spencer knew that, too. Because even in his fantasy of her, he playfully corrects her just for her to shut him down for “arguing” with her. Because he corrected something she said that was literally just wrong.
So, that’s why I hate her.
(Don’t even get me started on how nothing they did made sense to avoid a stalker. You had Spencer call the same number every week on the same time through the same mechanism. Her number. She never changed her number. How many times does the BAU tell us that routine is a stalker’s best friend? Come on, man.)
Moving on to Maxine.
She’s fine. Really, I don’t have any qualms with who she is as a person except for the fact she’s a teacher who hates her job (and her name). You’re telling me this woman who went through school for art history hates children’s art? What?
Also, why are you devaluing children’s art? They’re kids. Are you okay?
The first thing we learn about her is that she’s a teacher, but she hates it because children’s art is lame. So, with a man’s permission (Spencer), she leaves that job to go work for the Smithsonian (Finally! A prestigious enough career for her!).
Setting aside how cringeworthy that notion is, it’s not even the worst part about that storyline.
My problem with her is the way they set up their relationship. Saturday begins with Spencer expressing his (very autistic) concerns about connecting with other people. In response, the psychologist essentially tells him to… just be normal, dude.
That’s when we meet Max, who then spends the rest of their onscreen time together constantly reminding Spencer how fucking weird he is and he should just chill out and be normal.
Pass.
That whole idea of “ommmggg we’re not dating okay it’s super chill and casual 🙄 we’re not dating it’s not even that serious 😒 he’s NOT my boyfriend I don’t want to call him that 😬” is also… not cute. It’s very juvenile and sort of insulting. It always came off to me as her repeatedly saying she doesn’t even really like him that much, she’s just there because the narrative needs her.
Then we get Date Night. What a fucking disaster of an episode. Here, we get to see Cat and Spencer reduced to absolute idiots who randomly believe a basic ass young woman’s super manufactured story about how she murdered someone.
Are you serious? Cat Adams, an actual serial killer, can’t tell when someone isn’t an actual murderer?
SPENCER REID, AN ACTUAL GENIUS AND A DECORATED BEHAVIORAL PROFILER, CAN’T TELL WHEN HIS GIRLFRIEND IS LYING ABOUT BEING A MURDERER?
Of course, we’re meant to believe she’s “just that good,” and also seemingly totally fine under the pressure of her family being kidnapped and potentially murdered.
(Maybe she is a psychopath?)
Her little jokes about Cat as a “mean girl but stabby” are so poorly received in the context of the episode. We have Spencer, still reeling from JJ’s forced confession and the upcoming loss of his mother, lamenting about how he really needs to stop basing his whole identity on the women who love him. Yet, that’s exactly what Max is there for. To be “better than Cat” so he has someone new to attach his mouth to.
(Also, super fucking weird she abandoned her family and kissed him after saying how much he liked kissing Cat, but we’ll move past that.)
Max is a mediocre character and a misogynist’s attempt to make a girlboss. She is also a way for the writers to reinforce that Spencer will only be deserving of love when he stops being so autistic “weird” and learns to just be “normal.”
Spencer frankly deserves better than that. This is why I’ve always loved his love interests like Lila and Austin. They reveled in Spencer’s “weirdness.” They found his real personality charming and cute. They were nice to him because they actually liked him.
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So, that’s why I don’t like Maeve and Maxine. Feel free to disagree, but you should probably argue with someone else because I’ve developed my opinion after (too) many rewatches. I don’t see my perspective changing much.
That brings me back to how I started this rant, though. This is a fictional serial television show. It’s not literature to be preserved forever. It’s just our fun little copaganda show, and you can enjoy it however you want! That is your right, and you shouldn’t let me rain on your parade.
Just have fun! That’s what fandom is all about.
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rosazoldyckk · 11 months
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𝐘𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐂𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐨 𝐗 𝐃𝐞𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫
⚠️TW⚠️ Mentions of the reader thinking they are useless and unworthy, reader pretty much hating on themselves.
PS: YOU ARE WORTHY!! You are awesome asf so please don't let this fanfic trigger any negative thoughts! you are worthy, capable and fucking spectacular and pls don't forget that!! Love you sm ( ˘ ³˘)♥︎
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You had no one before him. Everyone else had left you. Eventually you gave up in trying to convince them to stay. Nobody tried approaching you due to your closed off nature. No one but him. Chrollo Lucilfer, the head of the infamous phantom troupe, or Chrollo as he likes you to call him.
You knew something was off about him, but you didn't care, because he was the only one who was willing to get to know you and stayed after finding out more about you. Even if what he did was somehow considered borderline stalking. You didn't give a damn. It was nice having someone try for you, after so long of no one trying.
You don't deserve him.
Soon afterwards he convinced you to move in with him, which you agreed to. Ever since then your daily life has been confined to his estate. You didn't mind of course; you were glad someone cared enough for you. But also, guilty. He shouldn't love someone like you. Someone so horrible and disgusting. Someone who could barely do anything right.
You don't deserve him.
You wish you could do something to repay all he's done for you. But surely you would just mess it up like you do with everything else. You don't want to be more of an inconvenience than you already are. Why didn't he pick someone else? Someone much more talented or prettier than you? Surely, he could do better. It still confuses you to this day.
You don't deserve him.
You feel weak. You wanted to believe him, but you couldn't. You truly were a terrible person. But you couldn't help but continue to be suspicious of his intentions. What if he runs away from you after realising how horrible you are? What happens then? You'll have no one. You need him. You pray to all the God's imaginable that he'll never realise how ugly and useless you truly are inside. Maybe he already knows and is toying with you? Your mind keeps swirling with all these terrifying thoughts, making you want to bite your fingers off with fear in case any of it turned out to be true.
You don't deserve him.
You feel tears stream down your face. You try your best not to let out any noise. Even if no one is home. It hurts so much. Why did you have to burden everyone with your existence? The hate red you had for yourself was immense. Tears continued streaming down as you wiped your nose. You hated this. This lonely, suffocating feeling but you were always too scared to reach out. You wanted him to be here, holding you tightly in his warm embrace as he allowed you to cry into the fur of his coat, whispering sweet words of kindness into your ear. It was a selfish wish you know but you can't help it. You wanted him to bruise you with his kisses, to be lacerated open and stitched together, sharing both blood and skin. You wanted to lock your lips to his with no intention of breaking from one another. You continued crying. You longed to sink into the endless depths of hell with him if it meant you could belong to him in peace, but what God thought thought you were deserving of something so blissful?
Out of nowhere you feel a pair of familiar arms wrap around you.
"I'm sorry I took so long, my love. Now tell me, why are you crying?"
You back away, trying to escape. But his grip was firm. It felt like you would never leave his embrace.
"I don't deserve you... Why are you doing this!?"
"Hmm, because I love you. And of course, you deserve me. My standards are high, but regardless you are the one that I love."
"But I'm worthless! Someone as useless as me doesn't deserve to be worthy of your time! Please Chrollo...don't burden yourself with me..."
"I'll tell you as many times as it takes for you to believe me. You're none of these things your mind tells you. You are mine and I love you." He hugged you tighter, placing a firm kiss on your temple. "Even if others may think that. I will never. I promise."
You just sat there in his arms processing everything. You never knew how to respond to him. He's always so kind around you.
"But surely you could find someone better than me. I'm sure of it. One day you'll find someone who can give you everything I could only dream of giving to you." You sniffled, trying to hold back the tears.
"Even if I did, I would still choose you. No matter what. Because you are the one that I love."
"Are you sure? You aren't lying, are you Chrollo? Please promise me?"
"I promise you from the bottom of my heart. I would never lie to you." He paused for a second. "Come on my love, it's getting late. Let's get you to bed."
"Okay..."
He stopped hugging you and took your hand. He led you to your shared room. His hand were always so warm and comforting. He led you into bed, and you two just held each other, resting your head on the crook of his neck as he whispered sweet nothings in your ear.
"You are the beginning and end of who I am. You are everything I could ever care for and more. I'll rip my own veins out before I can love another. I'll praise every hair on your head, every breath you take, every glance you give my way. I'll never allow you to feel worthless again, love. You are my salvation. Your voice is my mantra, Your body is my church. I abandoned the faith of God a long time ago, but if it meant I could forever keep you close within arms reach, then I'll cry my prayers to the heavens for all to hear. Because I want you. I need you."
You really don't deserve him, but maybe for tonight you will allow yourself to believe. Allow yourself to hope that maybe you are worthy of him. Even if it's for a short time. You are at peace.
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dreadfutures · 7 days
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impressions from the hades ii technical playtest
absolutely chock full of spoilers but also theories
Amazing gameplay, feels just as good as Hades 1 with improvements and creative changes. So many different builds/play styles will be possible. in the dev stream they talked about melee close quarters vs sorcery ranged, but I find myself doing HEAVY spellcasting while also stacking in heavy melee boons on the knives, and mixing and matching.
The boons have a few familiar perks but so many of them are new and creative, even for gods we know from the first game. All of them feel really good.
The SOUND EFFECTS are amazing. The sounds of your weapons change based on the boon equipped to each attack. the sounds of the arena change depending on the god at the end (if any). Nothing and I mean nothing makes the dopamine go off more than the sound of Hephaestus' boon blasts when I do my fan of knives and they all explode. PING PING PING.
I find myself doing "resource runs" and "story runs." they do overlap. It's tough to only have one harvesting item equipped at a time and I spent so much time looking for silver and looking that my eye has started slipping over the lone spirits who gives you psyche, even when Selene leads me to them lol. I do like that they have her guiding light, but it is subtle. I also like the way you can pin certain items when you're in a run so you can remember what you needed for a recipe.
Unfortunately I did so many harvest runs that I actually got all the recipes before I had a chance to USE forget me not on a run so.... woops on that fated list lol.
We are maybe going to romance Moros or Nemesis (probably both are options?) but maybe not both at the same time? since they're siblings technically (technically) (I wouldn't mind though). I love all these children of nyx and want to protect them and smooch them all.
EXCEPT. Mel is a Silver Sister, with Artemis and Selene. Does that mean she's gotta be a virginal girl squad? lol
I love sister Artemis. I love that she throws snacks!!!!! which is even more endearing bc it's fried and a chocolate bar and soda. I wonder if sometimes I hear a note of disapproval from her and I wonder where her plot will go later. Selene it's said may not be able to reach us in Tartarus, but Artemis might.
Speaking of found family.
I fucking adore Odysseus. I love Od. So. Much. Like I loved Achilles but Od is such a good girl dad for Mel, and his pep talks are the best and so sensitive ;_; what a guy I love him.
I think? that Hecate's familiars must be placeholders, since they're just little statues that vibrate when you give them treats. I can't wait to see where they go in the full game.
It's an interesting take on Hestia, that she hates everybody. It makes me wonder if we'll see Hera or not, since I kind of expect that behavior from Hera.
Hephaestus and Demeter and Aphrodite remain my favorite boon givers.
As far as I can tell there is no fishing rod in the playtest but there will be in the full game and I'm excited.
Arachne's self esteem hurts me 😫 I love you little bug!!!! I wonder if we'll find her shop in Olympus or in Tartarus -- and I worry about her. At least Athena is too busy to bother her! I hope! I love Mel's different outfits.
The amount of pets that Mel gets to have is delightful. I love her frog so much.
Hecate is fascinating. She is SUCH a mother, she is SO compassionate to Mel and trying to build her up! She is wry and dry but never cruel or negative. I love her sm. Poor Mel has some low self esteem and understandable doubts and is putting so much pressure on herself. And I really wonder about Hecate's relationship with Persephone and the house of Hades and with nyx. Nemesis says something that makes me wonder if Hecate is innocent. Either way I don't think she'll really be a villain. My heart would break if so. Mel would break.
Mel is so sweet and pure. ;_; and she says "death to chronos" so coldly. When she says "Hence I go" I just hear her as a little baby playing hide and seek with Hecate and it gives me so many feelings.
I want to know about Mel's arm!
I can't wait to see the other regions just from the Crossroads, since there's currently two doors we can't enter.
Also what are we going to DO with the fish?
Very exciting stuff.
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jinxedmuse · 8 months
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let me back in — joshua hong, 홍지수
🎵 i keep thinking, maybe if you let me back in (did i fall out of line when i called you?) we can make it better, breaking every habit. pull myself together, you could watch it happen (when i told you, "i’m fine," you were lied to) let it happen, let it happen.
in which: reader and joshua are in a confusing relationship. a constant tug of war over who can get each other more in love, and more heart broken.
authors note: hii! tysm for the new support ! wish i could hug u all :( it means sm & truly motivates me to keep writing! plz enjoy this angsty one shot i whipped up a few nights ago while missing shua & having this song on loop!! ><
tags/warnings: afab reader x non idol joshua, unhealthy relationship, fwb except they’re barely friends, extremely angsty, mutual pining but they’re both too hurt to realize. mentions of the word sex but no actual smut, just suggestive moments. discussion that may come across as ‘arguing’ but they’re just genuinely learning how to properly communicate for the first time since they met…
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˚    ✦   .  .   ˚ .      . ✦     ˚     . ★⋆.
joshua’s phone rang at exactly 12:00 am on his birthday.
just as a stream of constant messages poured in, wishing him a happy 27th birthday. another added year signifying he was truly growing up, catching up to time.
the number calling was one he hated himself for recognizing. for engraving so deep within his mind that he could practically say it backwards.
he mentally cursed himself more for what he did next; picking up.
“joshuuuuu” the voice sang out, your voice. on the other end, almost fully overtaken by the sound of what seemed like a club in the background along with laughter from your friends.
“this.. this is way out of line.” he begrudged out. it was wrong, so wrong for you to be calling. even worse for him to be entertaining it.
yet, here he was and he felt oh so genuinely content that you remembered his birthday after almost a year with no contact. now listen, in his honorable defense, shua was many things; dumb? wasn’t one of them.
however, when it came to you? his acquaintance, old friend, ex, situationship, fling, lover, whatever the hell you wanted to call it. he was, no, the first step is accountability. he is, way too smitten for you to have anything such as common sense.
“i know. trust me, i know. it’s just old habits die hard, you know?” you slightly slurred with a melancholic tone. as if reminiscing the countless times in your knowing of each other that this almost exact conversation has happened.
“yeah, i know. so.. what is it tonight?” joshua asked. slightly hopeful that you had more in mind then a simple birthday phone call.
“i have something for you, let me come over.”
his heart practically raced out of his chest. he could already imagine a string of thoughts; possible scenarios that could occur. but he had to put on a front, at least try to resist.
even if it was just a bit.
“at what point are we going to have enough of each other? isn’t this tiring?” he asked, feigning an exasperated sigh.
more than anything in this world he wanted this constant cycle to end, but more than anything in the world he wanted you, craved you, just as much.
the question rang in your ears. i mean genuinely, just what were you two still doing? both in your mid to late twenties playing a constant game of back in forth, banter through the pain that left you both feeling lonely for what? the nostalgia of it all?
at what point would this tug of war finally be bearable?
maybe when it ended.
regardless, you ignored his question. refusing to let the buzz of tonight’s choice of alcohol wither away into the depths of such a question.
“is it still the same address birthday boy?”
there was silence. followed by what seemed to be him getting up.
“yes.” he timidly replied. too embarrassed to acknowledge the fact that your grip on him seemed to be getting stronger each year.
“good!” you exclaimed. getting your purse and slinging it onto your shoulder, grabbing a full bottle of sikhye before gesturing to your friends that you were leaving and would call them later.
“why’s that good?” he asked, retreating to lay back down on his couch.
“it’s only like a 20 minute walk from the club i’m at.” you said nonchalantly while double checking your map app.
“no need, i’ll order you a uber. wait out front.” he replies. he then puts you on speaker and starts ordering the ride, wanting the quickest and most comfortable one that would bring you to him.
“why? i’m a fan of walking actually. i picked it up a few months ago. needed something to do to distract myself from you joshu.”
there was a pang in his heart that felt all too real. he hated when you guys weren’t on speaking terms and the fact that you could bring it up all so casually while he had difficulty even whispering your name to recount to his friends what happened this time.
“that’s great, i’m happy for you. but there’s no need to tonight.” and with that, the ride was purchased. uber black, all for you.
“why? a gentleman doesn’t let a lady walk alone? that’s certainly not coming from you i hope.” you mocked bitterly. trying to push away one of the many painful memories you’ve had since your entanglement with joshua.
“you never let me explain my point of view of that night.” he complained. the flash backs still all too real, as if they had happened just yesterday. a feeling of frustration and guilt making home in his heart.
the uber black suv pulled up to the side. a man coming out to open the back seat door for you as you tumbled forward, thanking him quickly. once you’re in, he closes the door and you focus of not getting car sickness as he departs.
there’s a twinge in your stomach that has you patting it gently. you lower your window and stick your head out slightly. the cool air of the night slowly waking you out of your drunken state.
there’s a few minutes of silence before joshua speaks up again.
“hello? y/n? you still there?” he asked, tone laced with worry.
the question made you laugh.
despite all that you two had went through. the unrequited high school love that soon turned to a torturous one. years of pining, unbelievable out burst of arguments, and some passion yet “casual sex” but you both knew all too well there was no such thing as ‘casual’ for you.
regardless, you were still here. on the way to his place at almost 1 am on his birthday.
“yeah. i’m still there.” you replied.
you both always joked that you were probably thriving soul mates in another universe. you guys read each others mind dangerously fast but it still took you by surprise when he immediately picked up on the heavy meaning behind your words.
“it’s okay. i’m still here too.” he answered. as if to let you know that you weren’t alone in this cruel yet daunting situation. because after all, it takes two to tango.
soon enough, the driver stopped in front of the towering condos. you get out, once again thanking him as you grab your stuff and try to pull yourself together.
what takes you by surprise is the fact that joshua is waiting for you outside. wearing all black, hair slicked back and phone still to his ear. a small smile appeared onto his face, he looked as handsome as ever.
it still made your heart race just as it did when you first realized you liked him all those years ago in high school.
you walked towards him, trying to remain in a straight line. the nerves of the alcohol no longer giving you the confidence which had led you here in the first place.
it isn’t until you’re a few feet closer to him that he starts walking forward to meet you.
you’d make a joke about his action and the symbolism it had in regard to your relationship (or truly lack-there-of) but it still hurt too fresh. was still too early.
“here. happy birthday” you said slightly shoving the sikhye into this arms. he hangs up the phone and takes it, holding it carefully.
“so, how’ve you been-“ he starts but you’re already walking way past him, making your way to his place which he left unlocked.
joshua’s not dumb. he knows you did it on purpose. small talk never having been your fortitude but it still hurt him.
you enter the condo, him following closely behind snd locking the door.
as you take off your shoes and set down your purse, you looked around. everything the same as the last time you were in here on your birthday, almost a year ago.
“i’ve missed you.” he says while setting down the sikhye on his marble counter top. the small lights on top illuminating him. he almost looked angelic.
he always knew just what to say to have you weak in the knees. it was infuriating.
“i’ve missed your nice ass place, do you always have the ac blasting like this?” you say as you flopped down onto his ridiculously soft beige couch. using one of the pillows to prop yourself up.
“the floors are heated so i like the cool air, even during winter” he comes up and sits beside you on the couch, observing you closely.
“well my bad mr.money man” it took everything in you to not physically roll your eyes. you weren’t actually annoyed and you knew shua wasn’t saying it to brag but it was frustrating how seemingly put together his life is.
aside from this rather “chaotic” ensemble, your life was actually pretty nice. yet you were always right behind him, a step behind like some loyal puppy.
and tonight, you had the urge to prove once and for all you weren’t just a puppy, you were an equal.
what you didn’t know was that he already saw you as one.
“come here” he says while patting his back, looking at you with eager yet cautious eyes.
you don’t verbally respond, just physically get up and do as instructed. straddling his lap.
his hands dig into your waist, holding you in place.
“explain yourself.”
“explain yourself.”
you both said it at the same time. it was eerie but earned a unanimous laugh.
“you first” you string out. one hand playing with the ends of his hair and the other just below his neck, playing with the hem of his shirt.
“look, y/n.. this isn’t just a one way street and we clearly remember things differently” he says blatantly. the grip he had on your waist loosening the more he spoke.
“just admit it.” you start, piercing into his soft brown eyes.
this would be much easier if he wasn’t so handsome.
“admit what?” he ask. hands trailing up and down your back, just how he used to back in uni.
“that i’ve had it worse, it hurt me harder. admit that you, hurt me way worse.” you demand, trying to ignore the ache in your throat.
joshua tilts his head back and let’s out a frustrated sigh.he looks back at you with something else in his eyes, lust.
he pulls you closer to him while pushing you down onto him. you look at him confused but he doesn’t speak yet, instead he starts pressing light, gentle kisses up your arm.
“did i complain when you started going out with that pathteic exuse of a man might i add, in uni just a less than a month after you confessed to me?” he ask peering up at you.
there was a slight pang in your heart. you remember it so clearly. after years of a seemingly unrequited love in high school, you confessed to him in uni.
hoping, praying, that it would help you get over joshua.
when he didn’t give an answer before mid terms, you tried moving on in another ways. getting with a guy that liked you way more than you liked him.
thinking back, it was definitely cruel but staying alone and seemingly rejected seemed worse.
he continues, both kissing your body and speaking. as if letting out years of pent up hurt in the air.
“did i ignore you after you rejected my confession at the end of the last semester? a week or so before my birthday? you ignored me sweetheart; even though i was the one rejected.”
this one struck a nerve.
a memory far too painful to be brought up. he goes up to kiss your collarbone but you back up, ultimately getting off him and sitting on the table in front of him.
“seriously joshua? are you really still acting confused as to why i rejected you then?” you ask fully bewildered. one eye brow slightly raised as you observe the man in front of you.
he leans forward and mocks your expression. daring you to state your reasoning after all these years.
you let out a dry laugh before crossing your arms.
alright then, your turn to straighten some things out tonight.
“joshua hong do not act oblivious to the fact that i have been pathetically in love with you since high school. i don’t know if it’s when you started sitting by me in class, or opening my drinks, or that time you shaded me from the sun while i was napping in p.e but i have been. plain and simple, okay?”
he starts to talk but you cut him off, determined to get your point through.
“foolish teen me thought i was special. until, i realized you probably sat next to me because your two friends sat in front of me, you open anyone’s drinks, and excetra excetra but either way, i made the dumb mistake of confessing my feelings for you in uni.”
you’re angry now, not at him but at how pathetic you must’ve seemed all these years.
he stays quiet, letting you take a breather before continuing.
“so yes. to get over you i started dating, having fun, doing anything to fix a mended heart of what i assumed was unrequited love because you gave me some ambiguous ass answer and what i needed in my life was not ambiguity, especially from you.”
you get up while taking, now pacing around his table trying to stop any tears that warned they would fall out if you looked at him any longer.
“then, a year into my relationship, on my relationship anniversary, you confess to me and crumbled down genuinely almost every ounce of self respect and happiness and i barley managed to scrape together to make my relationship work. i had to break up with him because how could it be fair to try and love someone else when a single confession, no, even just a mere look from you spiraled me back into you palm.”
joshua looks pained as he looks at you, getting up to come over to you but you stand firm on the other side of the table. moving sides any time he tries to approach you.
not afraid of him, never afraid of him.
afraid of the affect he has on you.
in a momentary lapse of weakness, a tear comes out and you immediately wipe it away.
“i love you. a lot more than you do me which is fine, i accepted that a long time ago but i will not be the girl who has these arguments with you once a year and then slips out in the morning after we’ve had sex. not again, i can’t.”
you didn’t even realize when but joshua was suddenly at your side, holding you gently and leasing you to sit back down on the couch next to him.
“y/n i’ve loved you a lot longer than you think, i swear it. and i’ve never once told you to leave in the mornings, trust me. i never sleep well because i wake up practically scorn when i see the spot you’re supposed to be in is empty. i get hurt a lot more easier than you think, it’s written all over my face when i miss you.”
his words practically ate you alive. if he had said all these years ago, even months, no even just last week you probably would’ve gone right back head over heels, full in.
you let out a coarse laugh. the ache in your throat from holding back your tears evident as ever and he realizes this, gently brushing back some hair behind your ears.
“you never told me to leave but never asked me to stay.” you murmur almost incoherent while staring down at your hands.
“mhm?” he hums, confused at the string of words you purposely rushed out.
“i said, you never told me to leave but you never asked me to stay.” you repeat, now looking at him directly. trying to read his eyes.
this, he couldn’t refute. and he knew it deep down as well.
after all those years of pining and watching from afar it still felt too real for him when you were suddenly in his bed for the first time.
you could’ve thought he was a teen who hadn’t had his first kiss yet. hands shaky, eyes nervous to meet yours, mind racing with thoughts at 100 miles per hour because that is how much of an affect you had on him.
he never admitted it though, failed the chance to and soon enough you mistakenly took his silence as a “hint” and slipped out every morning before the sun even rose.
it was his turn to tears to start falling but his hands felt too limp to even dry his eyes. so when you raise yours and wipe them away ever so gently, all he can do is cry into your hands.
“i’m sorry” he starts choking out.
“i really am so sorry. if i could do it all over again, if you just let me back in, i would. i would make it right. make a move faster, acknowledge my feelings earlier, not let you slip away so easily. i would tell you to stay. i want you, no, i need you to stay.” he rushes out, practically pleading at this point because God forbid he lets you out his life again.
but you both know it can’t happen. you’ve hurt each other far too much, have fallen dependent on each other for far too long.
it was unhealthy and you both knew knew it.
you firmly interlock your pink with his and stand up. he looks at your pinkies for a few more seconds before standing up after you.
you walk ahead, grabbing your purse and slipping on your shoes. your pinkies still loosely intertwined.
joshua wants to say something, he tries to on multiple accounts but every time he opens his mouth, tears brim his eyes again.
you unlock the door and slightly go outside, your pinkies barely still holding onto each other.
you stare at each other longingly, as if you both knew in your hearts that it would be for the last time.
you smile fondly, even after just crying he was still so handsome.
“same time next year?” he jokes
you let out a genuine laugh and he swore in another life he’d do anything to keep hearing it.
“i’m joking. you are never, ever, allowed in my “nice ass house” again.” he dead pans, while not so obviously trying to hide a small smile.
you knew it had to end here, at his door step, pinkies intertwined. it would’ve never worked, no matter how much you guys both wanted it.
“i’ll miss you, so much.” you say sincerely.
he knows this. “miss” was a massive understatement in his books. he leans forward, placing a gentle kiss in your lips which you kissed back but for once you don’t chase after his lips once he pulls away.
he places another light kiss on your temple, as he does so he pulls away his pinky and this action is the one that almost breaks you all over again.
a beat passes, you stare at each other with simultaneously far too much love and hurt to ever truly be strangers.
“i’ll miss you too. just as much.” he echoes. meaning every word.
and with that, for the first time since meeting him, you pulled yourself together and turn your back to him first.
you walk away first.
and he watches it happen before closing his door, for good.
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m4ndysk4nkovich · 7 months
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Bro it bothers me sm when ppl are like “Debbie turned out like her mother” or “lip turned out like Frank” or saying that any of the kids turned out like their parents bc they didn’t??? They each have their own struggles and faults, but none of them turned out like their parents as they all broke the cycle??? Idk ppl are just dumb and don’t understand the story 😭😭😭
ok so bee, i saw this ask and i was about to give a normal response to this but then i was like, yk what- fuck it, so here’s a whole ass meta post about generational trauma in shameless and why i also hate this.
(i’m so sorry in advance i’m just crazy)
generational trauma in shameless
shameless is a show that portrays a lot of serious topics, especially topics regarding dysfunctional families, substance abuse, and mental illness. one of those topics portrayed is generational trauma. as someone who comes from a dysfunctional family with a lot of generational trauma, i feel like shameless portrayed this so well.
the first generation to start this (that we really got information about) is frank and monica’s parents. we learned the most about frank’s parents, so i’ll start off there. we learned the most about peggy gallagher, frank’s mother (who- fyi, debbie was kind of named after since peggy’s real name is margaret and that’s debbie’s middle name, so that adds to the whole generational trauma thing but whatever), peggy was an abusive monster. she had four sons, and her least favorite was frank. this was very apparent. she treats frank (and monica, we know she hated monica even though we never saw them together) like shit, and in 4x11, we learn that she raped frank as a child. in season 2, she gets out after being in prison for around eleven years and found joy in humiliating frank + could’ve killed carl with their meth lab. she sucked. her husband was also bad. we didn’t learn much about frank’s father, but we know that much like his son, he was an abusive drunk. he used to make frank wear a dress and would beat him. frank had a very traumatic childhood, which definitely played into the way he parented his children and decided to spend his adulthood. we don’t know a lot about monica’s parents, but we know that frank says that monica’s parents ruined her. monica’s mother is mentioned once in 3x06, where she’s calling fiona and forgets who monica is. one can infer she had dementia or something like it, and it’s implied she died by season 7. speaking of season 7, that’s where we meet her father, bill. bill is a crude man who criticizes everything. we know that he had little involvement in his daughter’s life, and was a army man, making monica a military brat.
so, one abusive addict parent and one uninvolved parent. sound familiar?
i don’t think i need to explain much about frank and monica, but i will anyways. frank and monica made fiona on accident and monica didn’t want her, not long after lip was born, frank went to rehab and monica and clayton made ian. when debbie was born, frank wanted to sell her. when carl was born, monica left not long after. when liam was born, monica, yet again, left weeks later. monica is uninvolved, and frank isn’t necessarily uninvolved, but he isn’t really involved either. frank was the black sheep of the family and the least favorite. his father hit him (we’re lead to believe he was the only one who was hit) and he seemed to have had it pretty rough, maybe it’s just me, but when i hear that, i think of ian. monica and frank are both victims of their environment. being a military brat, monica most likely moved around a lot and felt very lonely. so, she found comfort in the lifestyle that was moving constantly, and didn’t really grasp the concept of two parents being there constantly. that, her addiction, and her disorder played parts in her parenting style. frank grew up humiliated and was smart, but became an addict and a drop out. he tried to improve his life on multiple occasions but failed each time. i will die on the hill that both frank and monica loved their kids, but not enough, not in the right way. something i feel very strongly about due to my own experiences is that you must heal before becoming a parent. growing up with unhealed parents puts you into a position nobody should be put it.
on the topic of growing up with unhealed parents, we have lip and debbie. lip and debbie both have hero complexes, and also both have always wanted nothing more than to have children. lip is an alcoholic, and one of the ways he copes with this and keeps his sobriety is by putting other people’s problems before his own. debbie is troubled, to say the least (it’s implied that she struggles with borderline personality disorder), and to cope with her crippling loneliness she self sabotages and prostitutes herself. in season 2, the possibility of lip being a teen dad was there and lip was willing to ruin his entire life for a kid that he wasn’t even sure was his. in season 3, he takes in mandy’s half-sister to save her from foster care. in season 8/9, he rescues xan and tries to become her guardian. ian describes him as the closest thing to a dad all of the gallagher siblings have ever had. in debbie’s case, from season 1 we learn about her caring nature. we see her care for her father, aunt ginger, and her babydoll. in the next season, she starts her own daycare and cares for those babies. she has wanted nothing more than her own family since her first appearance. she gets pregnant at fourteen and by fifteen, destroys a lot of her life for her baby. she likes feeling wanted and having a family and she loves caring for her daughter. (it’s also worth mentioning the similarities between frank and fiona and monica and ian, but that’s for another day).
so now, here’s the question: are lip and debbie frank and monica?
i’d say no. lip is still struggling with active addiction, by season 11, he is not recovered, he relapsed and the ending is so ambiguous (purposefully, every character’s ending was left up to interpretation) that we don’t really know what’s going on with him pre-11x12. but there is that scene where lip gives fred this speech about how frank was an addict, and gave lip alcohol as a kid, and now lip’s an addict. and lip tells freddie that he would never do that to him. i feel like that alone gives us the assurance that lip isn’t like frank (in that way). but is debbie monica? also no. many fans are inlove with the idea of debbie abandoning franny, it seems to be all they talk about, but as a self-proclaimed debbie expert (lol) i’d say that that’s blasphemy. debbie would go through hell for franny, and in 11x08 delivers a monologue about why she will never leave franny. that doesn’t mean she’s a flawless mother, she isn’t, but she’s also twenty. i think that the most confirmation we have that debbie isn’t like her mother is in season 7 when she loses franny. she goes through absolute hell over losing her child. monica gets franny back and claims to relate, but debbie (and viewers) can tell that it’s different. we know that the gallagher’s were taken away on multiple occasions, and we know that when monica found out her kids were taken from her, instead of coming home, she willingly signed the rights to them away.
anyways. i completely agree that they are not like their parents; are they like them in certain ways? absolutely. but i also fully believe that the two of them are breaking the cycle. fred and franny will grow up and never have to worry about having a roof over their heads, they will never worry about not having food in their stomachs, they will never find themselves without a parent for a year or two. they will, hopefully, grow up with no substance abuse issues and no mental health issues. hopefully.
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soleilnomoon · 11 months
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hello!! ive been seeing some of the requests for your current event and they have just been so amazing 😩 and also congrats on 500!! that’s amazing!
i was wondering if i could order dulce de leche, lemon drop, and lollipop with a topping of poppy seeds and caramel for 1, sabo from one piece. if not thats alright or if i didn’t request correctly please let me know! thank you sm!
i am so sry this took forever, but it's here (finally); thank you thank you 🥰️ still can't believe it tbh lmao lemme tell u i love sabo so much & yk i love angst, anyway i had fun writing this 💕
1.8k words, fem reader, nsfw, 18+ mdni, angst angst babey (altho it's a lil tame to me, but i love that shit so ignore me); sabo loves being in denial, that's his favorite river; y/n, as usual, doesn't care abt consequences; feat. oral (m receiving), rough (consensual) sex, mutual pining, sabo being a dumbass for ignoring his obvious feelings, y/n not having any self-preservation is just normal y/n behavior lbr 🌺 (if u see grammar/spelling errors no u didn't 💛)
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“the kiss i didn’t give you has become a star inside me…” — dulce maría loynaz
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for sabo, life is all about routine; not in the mundane sense, but in his quest for needing to have consistent control over every aspect of his life, he thrives on having a path laid out for him. he can’t help it — it’s something that was carefully ingrained into him since he was a child. he blames his parents, blames the world he was born into, blames the world nobles for uprooting his newfound family and separating him from his brothers. yet, he holds steadfast in the work he does, finds pleasure in seeking justice wherever he can, and makes it a point to not make the sort of romantic connections that will keep him distracted.
his colleagues don’t bother prying him for more information on his previous life, and they know that he actively keeps people at an arm’s length for some unknown reason — not that they can judge him, their line of work is dangerous and there’s very little room for mistakes, or weakness for that matter.
you’re not sure what you did exactly to land on sabo’s radar, but once he set his eyes on you there was no option for turning back. not that you mind, of course — you just hate the way you can’t seem to penetrate any of the walls he’s securely built around himself. he gives very little of himself but demands everything from you.
to anyone else, this would be reason enough to cut him out of their life; but you, unfortunately, cannot let him go. if you do, you’re afraid he’ll never let you back in — not after you fought so hard for him to stay by your side.
in his mind, you’re someone that he can quit anytime; it’s a lie he likes to tell himself whenever he’s feeling particularly lonely or vulnerable. he hates that despite how hard he fights to keep you from plaguing his thoughts, you still manage to find a way — especially late at night, when he can’t seem to sleep. insomnia has always had a strong, punishing grip around him, often leaving him breathless from the way he can’t seem to stop thinking about you.
at first, it was because you kept insisting on talking to him socially; then it was because he allowed you to take meals with him privately, a feat that did not go unnoticed by the others, much to his annoyance; and then it was because you had the audacity to kiss his cheek one night, after talking with him for hours. your demure behavior — the sweet, shy smile you gave him afterwards, the way you couldn’t look at him in the eyes properly the following day —ignites something deep within him that he never knew existed.
an ache makes its way into his chest, and he finds himself rubbing at it absently periodically, as if the burden of those emotions would take his life someday. while he might not outwardly show it, he looks forward to your incessant chatter — you talk about everything and nothing, something that baffles and amuses him to no end. with anyone else, he’d zone out of their conversation five minutes in, but you captivate him in an illogical way — one that has him watching you from across the room without meaning to, thinking about impractical things.
it's sabo who kisses you first, on a surprisingly quiet afternoon, in a back hallway that very few frequent during the day. a mistake, he tells himself when you part your lips for him without prompting; unnecessary, but he has you against the wall, with his knee in between your thighs; dangerous, yet he keeps kissing you anyway. he holds you still with a firm hand on the back of your neck, goosebumps tickling your skin every time his tongue caresses yours.
when you place your hands on his chest, arching into his hold as his other hand makes a slow descent down your back, he remembers himself. it takes effort but he’s able to extract himself from you in one swift motion, suddenly aware that he’s crossed a line he swore he’d never cross. after putting a good foot of distance between you two, he leaves abruptly and without giving you another thought.
or, so you think.
you don’t move from that spot for a few minutes, hands balled into fists at your sides, nails sinking into your palms out of frustration. you tell yourself that you absolutely cannot fall in love with that man. but it happens far too quickly and you’re incapable of fortifying yourself properly in time. he doesn’t kiss you again after that, not really anyway; he takes to catching you off guard when you walk back to your room late at night.
the first time he does it, he wraps an arm around your waist and pulls you to him. you screech in surprise and slap him on reflex. mischievous and a little stunned, sabo laughs at your reaction — your face grows hot from the embarrassment. his idea of an apology is pulling you close enough for him to drag his lips along the side of your neck. any residual irritation immediately dissipates the moment he places a kiss on your skin, an act that saps all your common sense, and transforms you into a marionette of his liking.
after that, you come to expect his surprise visits; you let him sit you on top of his desk, legs shaking as he thrusts his fingers in and out of your tight hole. you’ve long since forgotten to keep your voice down as you lean back on your hands, mind hazy as you watch the way your arousal drips onto his palm. if he wasn’t so intent on keeping his promise to himself, he’d kiss you all over again; but he knows if he does, there will be no turning back.
and this sort of weakness is out of the question for him.
you realize quickly that he’ll always distance himself from you emotionally, refusing to hold you for long, always pulling back whenever his lips are too close to yours. despite the bruise on your heart never healing, you can’t seem to let him go.
sabo fucks you like you’re an addiction he can’t seem to quit. no matter how many times he tells himself to leave, he makes his way back to you, hips rutting against yours frenetically, his cock buried deeply, making you moan his name loud enough to mesmerize him.
witchcraft, he muses to himself on occasion, fully believing that you’ve cast some spell on him.
his selfishness wins out when you sink down onto your knees in front of him one morning, stroking his cock with your soft hand before pressing your lips against the tip. whatever residual restraint he has is gone after your tongue swipes against his slit. the moan that slips out of his mouth invigorates you, makes you wrap your plush lips around his cock, sucking on the head teasingly before taking in more of his length.
you watch him with lowered lids, moaning around his cock, the vibration slicing through his logic as he grabs onto the back of your head so he can properly fuck your mouth. loosening your jaw, you hold onto the backs of his thighs for support, a heat passing over you every time sabo’s hips snap forward. your mouth is warm and moist, a combination that has him moaning your name without thinking. your heart speeds up and he ignores the warmth that spreads through him when he looks at your face; he constantly marvels at your beauty, at your soft skin, at how pliant and obedient you can be.
it annoys him that he’s found himself this deeply invested in you; when he pulls his cock out of your mouth, you take several deep breaths, a few tears sliding down your cheeks, a bit of saliva gliding down your bottom lip. the look he gives you is fierce and somewhat feral, and suddenly a nervousness that you don’t anticipate infiltrates your thoughts when he tells you to get on the bed.
he doesn’t have to tell you to get on your hands and knees, but he does it anyway; you severely underestimate the way his voice affects you — always a commanding, impressive force that leaves you breathless as you rub your ass against his stiff cock. you know you’re toeing a dangerous line by doing that, but you’re beyond caring. sabo glides his cock between your folds, arousal coating his length immediately.
you whimper shamelessly, fingers curling into the sheets as you plead with him. “sabo, please, i can’t take it anymore.” whatever else you want to say comes out as a garbled noise and you choke on his name as he snaps his hips forward, thrusting his cock into you roughly. you squirm when he pulls on your hair, yanking you back to him, lips nipping at your skin.
“stop running,” he says gruffly, his words almost making you laugh.
you could tell him the same since you theorized a while ago that he’s perfected the art of running. he doesn’t kiss you when you turn your head to look at him — he rocks his hips forward, the tip of his cock reaching a spot that has you clawing at his arms, your cunt squeezing around his girth in retaliation. he doesn’t kiss you when he has you on your back, legs draped over his shoulders as he pounds into you mercilessly, your voice growing hoarse, body writhing underneath him every time he sucks on your skin.
you wish you could hate him for making you fall in love with him, because only love could make someone foolish enough to carry on a relationship like this. you fall a little more in love with him every time, but he always finds a way to shatter your heart when he turns away from you on the bed. he tells you constantly that you can stay or leave, that the choice is ultimately up to you as it doesn’t affect him either way.
it must be madness that drives you to stay, wrapping yourself with the covers, breathing slowing as your eyes close. he turns around carefully, watching you with a tenderness that forces him to drape an arm around you, lips ghosting the curve of your ear as he whispers softly.
“i like having you around.”
you open your eyes but don’t dare turn around, afraid that he’ll leave if he realizes that you’re still awake — because if he ever takes those words back, you’ll never survive the fallout. so, you will your heart to stop beating loudly, and tell yourself that this must mean he’s lowering more of his walls for you intentionally. you don’t know how long he’ll allow himself to be this vulnerable with you, but regardless you’ll always cherish the time he’s spent with you.
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rainingfishandfrogs · 3 months
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Sailor Moon Thoughts - i know i'm 10yrs late but Crystal's not that bad actually
so i recently got back into sailor moon
grew up on the english dub 90s anime (watch the jpn sub in 9th grade)
had only read the manga once in the past and that was in college; however i just recently bought the first 2 volumes of the collector's edition (just finished V2 actually!)
but this is my first time watching Crystal (mostly bc when it was first coming out there was so much backlash and hate and it made me turn away from it)
now that i've read volumes 1&2 and watched S1 i gotta say...when compared to the manga Crystal's honestly not that bad and i'd say overall pretty faithful
Spoilers for Sailor Moon Crystal!
Usagi and Mamoru
first thing's first! mamoru's age is fixed! fucking yay!
in both the manga and crystal he's a 16yr old 2nd year high school kid! not a 1st year college student dating at 14yr old little girl! he and usagi compliment each other and it really shows in crystal imo
90s-SM fleshes out this couple individually more in the first season and i'm in love with that and they have some really sweet moments and i still ship it ofc i do BUT the age difference got so iffy and squeakable for me when watching again as a grown ass adult!
some of usagi's emotional intelligence is downplayed and she sometimes comes off as even younger than she is and that makes the ship feel uneven and i just keep thinking "there he goes off with his child bride 👋🏽" and it really doesn't help that they animated mamoru looking so much older and acting like a mature 20-something (even tho yes, he's closer to 18 but an 18yr old dating a 14yr old is still so squeakable to me)
the manga is where this ship thrives and it's more believable that they fall for each other especially bc they're on more equal footing but crystal adds in a scene in S1 that i personally love that's when sailor moon and tuxedo mask are fighting zoisite toward the middle of the season (before venus shows up)
i'm massively paraphraseing but in this scene usagi doesn't just tell but shows mamoru through her tears and pained expression that she understands he's deeply lonely and that it hurts her, she doesn't want that for him, she wants to do everything in her power to make sure he never feels that way again
and mamoru tells her that SHE is everything he wants and he doesn't need a magical stone to find out who he is and where he belongs not when she's standing beside him bc her strength and kindness are inspiring and he's not afraid or lonely when around her
"i won't let you be alone anymore" / "seeing your strength makes me so happy" couples are my downfall and this scene cracks me right open
and this is BEFORE they regain their memories i'm fucking dead!
5/5🌙
English Dub
i vaguely remember ppl shitting on the English dub of Crystal and yes i watched it in Japanese first but the English dub is actually really great?! especially when compared to the 90's English dub!! i love Usagi's VA and i think all the voices match the characters pretty well
4.5/5🌙
The Transformations and Character Designs
okay so those 3D transformations are bad
the animation is really jarring at first and yeah it's not good i don't like it but after a while you just sort of...idk get used to it and it's not a make-or-break thing imo now did the 90s anime do it better? fuck yeah! but by the end of the season i just felt meh about them and barely cared
1/5🌙
i remember the character designs getting A. LOT. of hate and yeah i agree that they are too sharp and angular and that the manga was more a cross between the 90s and crystal character designs - but that's another thing you get used to and also doesn't that get fixed later?
plus idk i kind like that both animated versions each take one end of the spectrum with the manga in the middle 🤷🏾‍♀️
2/5🌙
The Big One
okay now the big one - the supposed past love between the 4 heavenly kings and the inner planet guardians that wasn't in the manga and definitely not in the 90s version where these guys are handled more interestingly
i think this subby-subplot that's not even really a subplot is stupid and doesn't amount to anything and doesn't actually make a ton of sense if earthlings and...and moonlings being together is forbidden the serenity had to SNEAK AWAY to see her earth prince and it does sort of take away some of the tragedy that is serenity and endymion's doomed love
like i was going "what was the point of that" when the kings all die and the sailor girls are weeping for 2secs before getting back to busniess and i get wanting to expand more on all 8 of these characters, but that's not how you do it - 90s-SM expanded on these characters better because plot points were stretched out and we got to know the characters more slowly over a longer period of time (plus 2 of the kings were lovers! that's cute as hell!!)
basically this whole thing was shoved into the story last minute with very minimal build up barely any conclusion and it's really uninteresting
0.3/5🌙 (only bc venus dropping a few hints every few episodes was done well enough-ish but it was still stupid in the end and shouldn't have been included the way it was)
Conclusion
even with that though crystal still isn't that bad - overall it's actually pretty good and i love experiencing the manga coming to animated live
the OST is beautiful! and even tho NOTHING tops the 90s theme song that crystal usamamo love theme is fucking gorgeous 😍 in fact all the music in crystal is top teir imo
i do miss the focus on the female friendship tho and kinda wish crystal took some of that 90s-SM female friendship focus BUT 90s-SM just had so much more time to work with and at the end of the day SM is a romance so i understand why the anime adapting the manga more closely focused on the romance more heavily (and that usamamo scene i talked about above is still so. damn. good!)
anyway if you're like me and didn't bother watching crystal bc the hate and backlash when it first came out i say give it a try
it's still cute and still sailor moon and so far it's getting a 4/5🌙
i'll probably do another one of these when i finish S2 (jon and eng) and the volumes it adapted
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cowboylikeekatie · 8 months
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ben hanscom is JUST as important as every other character and i am going to ramble about him real quick!!!
ben, he’s strong, but he’s also soft at heart. he’s there when he’s needed but he’s a poet in his blood and it’s painfully obvious so little people fully grasp what he’s gone through? being bullied for your body, something you can’t change very often, and being harmed physically for it, is something that’s definitely extremely hard to go through. ben loved beverly for 27 years. he kept her signature in his pocket. he’s kind and brave and always there when his friends need it. he’s a writer and he’s a lover, not a fighter, he’s beloved by me and maybe like 12 other people in this fandom. he appreciates literature and history and his kindness shines through. he has a rough home life on top of his school life. His biggest fear is having nobody and being lonely and he self loathes. ben grew up and lost the weight and proved everyone wrong, even though it wasnt necessary. he’s a beautifully written and portrayed character and i love him.
i think people cruelly make fun of ben and sometimes i wonder if they too are going along with the bullying he receives. you don’t have to love a character but excluding him (and mike) from the losers club is so unfair. drawing him age like 14 and younger as skinny, also wrong. growing up he was one of the only times i saw myself..fat…on the big screen and despite the representation being a little off i was truly excited because in a world where at the time it (1990) was released, plus size people only had the opportunity usually for comedic relief, i felt more at home. IT has always struck a chord with me because of the bonds but seeing someone similar to myself in that friendship made me feel at home. while i’m a teenager right now so im definitely not in the same age range as a lot of the people who saw IT(1990) were when it released i was taken aback in a positive way from the emotional aspect of bens character in all films and the book. i look really similar to ben like if u genderbent 2017 ben i think you’d probably have a carbon copy of me and i lived my whole childhood in self loathing and to see myself on the big screen without being comedic relief made me feel some sense of safety. ben hanscom is such a great character and i feel so bad that he receives sm hate.
ok ramble done:) (tysm to the people who reblogged this ily guys🫶🫶)
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