giggling ab this okay so

imagine gaz n reader, they've just started to date

and reader is trans (ftm) but gaz doesn't know that yet

but then after a few weeks of dating reader is taking their T in the bathroom/bedroom and had forgotten to lock the door & gaz walks in oh no,,

YEAH so!!! i hope that's enough to.. you know. yeah!!!! i 💗 ur fics sm.

(we need more ftm fics RIGHT NOW!!)

whoEVER ANON IS . I LOVE U . Thank u so so so so much 4 this request my fingers have been acting to write m or ftm content u have appealed to my deepest desires . myways this rq is super silly i love chilled out gay mf and nervous closeted trans mf dynamic so much. 

Also posted on trans visibility day lets GOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

the same (always changing); kyle 'gaz' garrick + trans male! reader (979 words)

notes: some implied and described internalised transphobia, mentions of transphobia, mentions of gender dysphoria, reader does not have top surgery yet, partial nudity on reader (non-sexual), little hurt/comfort type w/ fluff at the end !!

-

It wasn’t meant to be a secret. It really wasn't.

But here you are, cooped up in the cold premise of your shared bathroom, waiting for the gel to dry into your skin as you stare at your figure in the mirror, noticing the little changes with a strange sense of europhia. You wished you could run back to the arms of your boyfriend as you ramble about how good the hormones have been working, how you can see your outer shell peeling open to show the man who's been living in the inside, a feedback loop that had you seeing yourself in reflections instead of skin and hair and face that you'd barely recognised. Maybe his face would melt into that gorgeous smile, arms pulling you closer to him like he's seeping off the happiness he swears he sees seeping off your skin's pores. But it's the flip of a coin, a winning ticket in an uncertain lottery.

you're not so sure if Kyle would love the kind of person you were.

gender hadn't ever been a point of focus in your conversations, never something that had to be caught and pinned down with word or thought. he was a man, you were a man, and you loved each other. both of you did your best to keep it at that simplicity. but part of you, like the serpent to adam and eve, had always doubted whether kyle would look at you with the same eyes if you somehow ended up showing him your childhood photos or now-invalid passport, the face that was still soaked with dysphoria-ridden tears. 

the gel is still sticking to your ribs when the door practically flies off its hinges slamming against concrete walls and gaping open your closed eyes with ugly sound. There's a groan of exasperation that should make you giggle, but only makes already tense muscles almost turn to stone. "honey, you done ? really need to take a fat shi-" 

And then there's that silence both unsurprising but dreaded, how it felt to inhale smoke. 

You hate the shock as his eyes run over your bare chest in realisation, feeling any words about to come out crawling back into your windpipe as he notices the thin layer of gel and the label of the bottle on the sink. 

"love?" he calls, an endearing substitute replacing your name. you didn’t know if he'd call you that, even after this revelation. Or did he not know what else to call you now that this had been revealed ? "kyle," you echo. 

please just look at me, kyle. 

his eyes still look the same as how they look at you; stormclouds that accompany you on lonely and rainy nights, and your eyes can't help on focus on the pretty shade of grey instead of the battering of water droplets hitting against tin. Not once  does it ever shift to malice or hatred- only worry, for you, maybe. 

"do you want to talk about it right now ?" isn't the response that you expected. It's an gentle offer, and extended hand waiting for you to take or push away, more freeing than astute observations of your perceived identity or the bitter words hissed out when others had realised. You can only nod your head in response. 

"im sorry," you say, and you don’t know how much (what you're) apologising for. Sorry for never telling you. Sorry for making a distance that could have been avoided. Sorry for being this without your permission, anyone else's permission. 

but he's quick to hold you and the shame that you carry , not minding any of the gel residue on his shirt. "hey, no, it's okay," his voice is gentle, reaching out for your secluded self. "remember what I told you when we first started dating?" he puts a hand to your head, playing with your hair as he pulls you closer to him. "I love all of you, dove. Everything." he rests his chin onto your shoulder, murmuring the words into your ear. And you can't help but hug back, clinging to him like a lifeline. Your lifeline. "I love you too," you muse.

you both stay there for a minute before he pulls away with a complaint of some back pain from a recent mission, and you kiss his nose, allowing yourself to smile for the first time since he'd entered the room. "so.." you start, now perched on the rim of the bathtub. "you're ok with me being trans?"

you giggle when he deadpans at you, "love, I just hugged you for 5 full minutes after seeing you apply testosterone instead of taking a shit. I don’t really care if you're trans." 

and after your testosterone dries and you put on your shirt, you both in bed, tangled up in each other's arms. ramblings about little stories or town gossip. professions of grandiose love guised under quiet murmurs. the hormones are still a little crusty on your skin, but they're doing the work that should have been done since birth. 

The same, always changing. 

I wanted to write a bit about sex segregated spaces, in regards to people who pass as the opposite sex. This is not actually about trans people, as much as it is about the safety, integrity and general rights of male-passing biological women. I am not the only gender non-conforming woman who gets tossed out of female only spaces, based on the false presumption that we’re men. I do not care about validating trans women, or even trans men, for that matter. I care about real life practicality, risks and safety for ALL women, not just those who look conveniently clearly female, which starts with accepting that some women, whether they've medically transitioned or not, pass as male. And none of them should have to feminise themselves to access female only spaces. Whether that be to ensure safety from males, or to just take a leak.

The fact that I choose to keep my beard has almost nothing to do with that I'm male-passing. It may be my strongest "male" feature, but it's hardly the only one. I still pass as male with a clean shaven face, which makes shaving my beloved beard rather pointless, in my opinion. I would realistically need to go through more than just facial hair removal to pass as my own sex again. I'd probably even need facial feminisation surgery, hair transplant, voice feminisation and full body hair removal, at the very least, to even get close to passing as female again. But even then, I'd probably STILL be read as a trans woman, i.e. male. And even IF I did all that... WHY should I have to mutilate myself (a second time) by buying into harmful patriarchal beauty standards, which would worsen my dysphoria and reduce my comfort in my own skin significantly, to be allowed the safety of male-free spaces?

Does that sound feminist to you? Because to me, it's incredibly misogynistic, and strongly counterproductive. To uphold patriarchal gender roles for the safety of women... is the most insanely anti-feminist double standard I can possibly ever think of.

To lay out my argument on this topic, I'm going to use my own experiences as examples a lot. Mostly because I cannot with any conscience speak for anyone else than myself, at least not in such detail and with such harsh judgement. But I'm sure a lot of my experiences are applicable to other masculine women as well.

First off, I still consider myself gender critical, but my allegiance to radical feminism has been waning lately. This is mostly due to that although I agree with the base premise of radfem, I tend to disagree with the proposed solutions to almost all of the issues, because to me they come across as unfounded beliefs (yes, BELIEFS) that "it would just work" without much of any evidence to back up such a claim.

And when it comes to trans people, I've noticed a lot of... shall we say, willful ignorance, going on among many radfems, which does affect opinions on gender abolishion as well as sex segregated spaces to appear rather... intellectually dishonest, to be frank. Although this is not intended as a call out by any means, I merely want for people of all sides of the radfem/gender critical/pro-trans fence to stay critical and keep questioning everything, even one's own beloved ideology. Which I don't see a lot of. Instead I see almost religious defending of radfem as the ultimate/perfect ideology... oh, guess where I've seen that before? I've come to believe that "hivemindedness" is probably part of every possible ideology out there. Even radfem.

So, anyway.

One thing I come across time and time again is the belief (yes, I dare say "belief") that people never pass as the opposite sex, although it's mostly directed at trans people, this very much applies to people who are just gnc as well. Let's not forget that. And this belief seem to often lead to that transitioned/gnc people can just use the space intended for their biological sex, no problem. However, this is not the case. There is a problem. Very many trans people, and some gnc people, pass well enough to at least blend in enough to not raise much of an eyebrow among the opposite sex, and to most definitely stand out as an outsider among people of the same sex. OR they pass barely enough as either sex, and thus stand out as an outsider among both the same sex and the opposite sex, which can cause similar problems with single sex spaces.

There's also the thing that it generally is easier to pass as the opposite sex among complete strangers, compared to people who know you/your background. They tend to read you differently, depending on that.

At least in my experience, complete strangers assume I'm male and don't even as much as raise an eyebrow about how male I come across as. They accept their false assumption at face value. And why wouldn't they? 99,97% of people who "look like me" are biologically men. Then people who know I'm transitioned, but didn't know me pre-transition, tend to see me as a female who looks very convincingly male, whether that makes me a masculine woman, trans man, or any other (female) label in their eyes. They claim to be able to "see" my female nature, yet they somehow had no idea before I told them about my true sex. Then people who know about my history and saw it happen from the time before my transition (now only really my family) never quite succeeded to see me as anything other than a gnc woman. To quote my dad: "You look like a woman who's trying to look like a man." Although I'm sure my mom and sister don't have quite as harsh views about me, lol. They still seem to see me the way they always have, regardless of what name or pronouns they use for me.

This matters, because although people who know I'm transitioned and may even have witnessed my transition from the beginning, struggle to see me as a man (which I respect entirely and I'm VERY careful to not push wanting to be seen/read as anything in particular, but also, people do not want to be rude, especially irl) that does not go for people who have never even seen me before the moment I walk into... say, a public bathroom. To them I cannot possibly be anything other than a man, and it's almost impossible to change their view of me as male once their brains have registered me as such. I need to conjure up pretty fucking compelling evidence to shatter that view they have of me.

This is important, because it means I cannot feasibly use female only spaces, unless someone else (who is also female) vouches for me and explains my situation for me. This is, most likely due to people being more likely to believe an unlikely explanation when it's told by someone else, because maybe I could be lying; and only someone of the same sex as me can accompany/escort me into female only spaces, obviously. But even then, there's a ton of tension around my presentation. An air of distrust, basically. The question that hangs in the air: "Is that a trans woman?" even after they've been given a thorough explanation of my situation. It's uncomfortable for everyone involved. Imagine how it goes then if I'd just show up unannounced, and without someone to vouch for me. I just get booted on sight.

Yes, I can whine about this all day, but that is NOT my point.

My point is that I'm either directly, or implicitly, unwelcome in female only spaces, despite being biologically female, because of my transitioned appearance... despite I'm not even on testosterone anymore since 2 years ago. Sure, most gnc women (whether transitioned or not) don't seem to have turned out quite as passable as me, but clearly, it happens. So let's stop pretending that it doesn't.

So with that in mind, I don't always have access to a gender neutral space. Like for example when I travel with the ferry that goes between my island and the mainland of my country, there is only men's bathrooms and women's bathrooms. No third option. That's a 3 hour boat ride, and with my coffee drinking habit, I will need to pee at some point or another while aboard that ship, alright. And no, peeing in the ocean is not an option, as squatting over the railing would be incredibly dangerous, and most likely not even remotely allowed. Granted, I don't take the ferry often, it's just the most clear example I can think of. Because it's my only means of transportation to/from the mainland, except from flying, which is incredibly expensive, less reliable and obviously an environmental hazard. So when I do have to use that ferry, I'm kinda stuck with my choices.

So then, am I better off going with the men's or women's bathroom? I am much more likely to be left alone to do my business in the men's, so even though that is not the space I want to be in, nor do I think it's "right" for me to be there, sometimes it's even a bit scary, other times even impractical if there's only urinals and no stall, and it's absolutely not validating at all - it's the only bathroom that I can realistically use, without too much trouble. And I don't want trouble. But I also hate having to put my own safety on the backburner for the perceived safety of other women, who are not actually at any higher safety risk when left alone with me.

So, onto the more general, political aspects of this issue:

Women in male only spaces may be less of an issue in regards to safety, at least for the majority of people (men) in that space, especially if the woman in question passes as male. No one gives a fuck, generally. But problem is then that she is at far greater risk than the majority of people (women) would be with a single male, in a female only space. As I think a group of women against one male is generally less risk towards the women, when compared to a group of men against a single female, which can be extremely dangerous for her. Although I've so far never been faced with any sort of violence in a male only space, let's not pretend that my presense in a male only space is somehow LESS dangerous for me, than how dangerous the presense of ONE male in a space with a whole group of women, would be for those women. Statistically and realistically, I'm at a far greater risk than they are, and no, I do not have any more choice in the matter than they do.

Thus, this kinda skewed idea of safety and choice, becomes a question of ethics, I think.

Furthermore, I'm a person of principles, and it wouldn't sit right with me that if males should never under any circumstances be allowed in female spaces, but females could be allowed in male spaces. I refuse to be a hypocrit on purpose! No, if males should never under any circumstances be allowed in female spaces, then females should also never under any circumstances be allowed in male spaces. OR, if females CAN under some special circumstances be allowed into male spaces, then males should be allowed the same in female spaces. Both of these solutions pose serious problems, which I keep seeing being brushed under the carpet a lot, and that annoys me.

But if we go with the first idea, of barring people from using opposite sex spaces altogether, then where the fuck do I pee? Should I utilise my "right" to use female spaces, despite making everyone uncomfortable and feeling threatened by my presense, as well as risking being kicked out and forced to use the equivalent male spaces anyway, which is exactly what that idea is meant to prevent - or should I completely avoid being in places which I know does not have a gender neutral bathroom, such as the ferry? Would that not be discrimination? Which is the most reasonable option here, what is the most practical, what's wrong and what's right? Do I even have a RIGHT to use female bathrooms, and if so, how do I prove it, considering my ID still says I'm male?

Trans men aren't gonna be nearly as willing to use female only spaces, and trans women definitely not eager to use male only spaces. But aside from that validation factor, I have the exact same struggle as trans people do on this particular point. Quite often they do toss and turn at which bloody bathroom to pick, not just out of validation, but because they genuinely struggle to figure out which one is the best option for them practically. Especially if they don't quite pass as either sex, and most and foremost just wanna do their business without unneccesary drama.

Also, to clarify: barring trans people from opposite sex spaces is NOT discrimination, as they never belonged there to begin with - but leaving them with no other option than to pee themselves, is. Which means that I think it's fucked up to barr them from those spaces BEFORE having solved the problem of "if they can't go there, then where?"

Perhaps I'm the only one around here who cares about males' integrity, safety and human rights. But even if so, I should not be the only one to care about gnc females' integrity, safety and rights. Male-passing females, whether transitioned or not, whether bearded or not, are still female, and if we don't want them in female only spaces, and not in male only spaces either; why? Because they "chose" to medically transition and/or dress in men's clothing?

Yeah, well, in most cases of transitioned females, they transitioned because of dysphoria, which no one chooses to have. It's a medical condition. Barring people from spaces they'd otherwise be welcomed into, due to the visual outcome of the treatment of their medical condition... is ableism. Barring a woman from a female only space she belongs in, solely because her unusual physical appearance freaks you out... is ableism. Also, simply being gnc and being viscerally uncomfortable with presenting femininely is also not a choice. And even if it was... shouldn't it be? That's why I cannot roll with that sorta solution. I dunno if it counts as a form of discrimination by definition, but it just smells a lot like it from where I sit. That it's no more right to toss me out of, or give me trouble, in a women's bathroom, than a masculine women who also passes as male but who has not medically transitioned.

That said, however, women's safety DOES matter a lot to me. Hence my reluctance to join their spaces, despite being a woman myself. I guess, what I'd want is complete sex segregation to work in my favour, but I can't promote a rule that would discriminate against me. I'm sorry, I just can't. I desire FUNCTIONAL sex segregated spaces, but realistically they cannot function. Truth is that the only womens spaces I've been allowed into since I began passing as male, are "trans inclusionary" ones that openly allow in trans women, ironically. I care about the safety of other women, and their right to have their own spaces... but not at the expense of my own rights, as a fellow woman. To say otherwise would be a crime against myself. I really wish this could be solved in some way that would work in practice, but honestly I don't think it can anytime soon. Not without some seriously tried and proven, practical and humane methods to check what sex people entering single sex spaces actually are.

That is the reality that people have to face. And personally I'd rather focus on women's rights than trans rights, but as a woman who's medically transitioning, I'd shoot my own foot no matter which one I'd choose. That's quite a dilemma.

So where my opinion stands on this right now, is basically this: I think female only spaces should only be for biological women, but I'm reluctantly okay-ish with males who pass as female utilising female only spaces, and vice versa for females in male only spaces. However, this does not feel ideal at all. It's a compromise. Ideally, I want such spaces to be entirely sex segregated, and for even people who pass as the opposite sex (like myself) to be allowed into spaces of their biological sex. My appeal here is both realistic practicality with the reality that some people really do pass as the opposite sex, as well as the safety, rights and integrity of male-passing women.

Season 13 Sassy Reviews: Episode 02 - Condragulations

Oh mama. This one didn’t do anything to address the strangely - and unnecessarily - tense atmosphere, and instead actively stirred the pot with bizarre remarks from Tina, Kandy and LaLa, and our first (but surely not last) instance of blatant producer favour.

Let’s get into it.

So episode 2 opens with the Porkchop girls being forced to *actually*, no gag, vote off one of their own people based just off of first impressions. Because...what we really needed in 2020/21 was for a group of marginalized people who had had their income and culture taken away for six months to, on first meeting nationwide-reaching colleagues who could become friends and found family, to be instead forced to create divisions between themselves. Really?

So the group votes out the kooky queen and the queen wearing the least feminine clothing, and then when it comes down to a re-vote on just those two...production makes all the queens vote again until a sacrifice is chosen. Seriously unpleasant stuff. Rosé, the queen who objects most virulently to this, is painted as haughty and self-important by the edit for...literally raising valid concerns and trying to stand up for the group. So I guess our hopes of the show moving on from having a vendetta against Jan and any of her friends are crushed just like that.

Then we cut over to the ‘winner’ group of queens. Production-influenced or not, they spend a LOT of the episode crowing and boasting about how brilliant they are, after all, they’ve all made the massive achievement of.... being voted by Ru to win a lipsync in the previous episode, including some VERY questionable performances.

The BIG TWIST that no-one could have seen coming is that... gasp, MAYBE the 7 eliminated queens weren’t actually eliminated on day one of a show that hasn’t had less than 9 competitors ever. And then the queen the losing girls voted out, Elliott with 2 Ts, is introduced to join the winning girls.

As I said in my previous review, it feels really bizarre in the same season that every second word out of Ru’s mouth is chicken soup for the soul about self-love and how actually they’re all winners, to actively go out of your way to split girls into two groups, one of Losers and one of Winners, in which the Winners get smoke blown up their ass about how they are better, and kind of reinforced by the show by focusing on them and only them in episode 2. Especially if they’re going to just proceed to do a split premiere group challenge LIKE THEY DID IN THE LAST SEASON without needing an arbitrary way to justify dividing the girls.

Anyway, the dolls have exactly the same mini and maxi as E1/2 of S12, which... I’m not sure how I feel about. Obviously everyone really enjoyed it in season 12, but a straight redo feels lazy.

Mini-challenge: present two runway looks with a loosely connected theme. Maxi: perform a RuMix with original verses to a new Ru song. Runway theme: a material.

So onto the mini first. All of the queens do broadly as well as each other, with - to my eye - Gottmik being head and shoulders above the group nailing both runways, Olivia Lux’s day look being the second best look on the runway, Tina Burner doing the most impressive bodywork out of the group on her night look, managing to compress her substantial body into a tiny vinyl-latex-esque miniskirt and tube top, and Symone being wildly overpraised for simply having a slim and fit physique that she decorated with material, a la Courtney Act from S6 or Naomi Smalls from S8. Brace yourselves, because this won’t be the first time.

The maxi challenge is a hot mess. The song isn’t great, and the queens take wildly varying approaches in terms of style, genre, and tempo. If you thought Roxxxy Andrews’ random singing on Read U Wrote U was out-of-place... for Condragulations (providing an episode title drop) by my count, three queens give us a rap, two queens sing, one queen gives us spoken word and one queen (Gottmik) gives us literally two bars as an intro.

And onn that note, there’s a bizarre production moment during the rehearsals for the performance in which a moment in which Gottmik experiences gender dysphoria, for including his gender identity in his verse - “I was born a girl” (which, in itself... is that really how a trans person would self-describe rather than e.g. AFAB? I kind of feel like I don’t know how I feel about that line going out to a straight audience) - is represented as Gottmik not having any idea that the other queens would hear his verse. In a group challenge. Where the challenge is to each perform a verse of the same song, as a group, in front of each other. Ok Henny.

The choreography is not great in the challenge, with the best performance of the group going imo to the underrated Elliott, who is, of course, a dancer. Despite the fact that Tina Burner, having lipsynced against her in E1, was well aware of this, Elliott was shut out of the choreography discussion by the other girls - who throughout the episode gave Elliott the cold shoulder & even, bizarrely accused her of being a spy! - for who, QAnon?? Elliott, not wanting to rock the boat, kept quiet, only to go on to NAIL her own performance with a jump split and impressive, confident verse, with dance elements throughout.

So naturally she wasn’t put in the top 2 for the episode, despite everything in the storyline pointing to the ONLY REASON you would separate the queens into winners and losers and then bring back a loser would be for a redemption (RuDemption?) arc. Nope!

The top 2 queens are of course...Olivia Lux, who to be fair, performed her socks off in the challenge and wisely wore an outfit that accentuated her movement, and...Symone. Again. Who wore this.

Whose verse consisted of a walk to the center of the stage and pretty poor lyrics and vocal (”the ebony enchantress...is me” is giving Mariah in all the worst ways). Who looked a little manic during the performance. But who - like Ru - is tall, slim, and statuesque. Anyone else getting S2/S3 flashbacks?

Off the bat let’s make something clear. I don’t dislike Symone. I think she’s a fierce queen, I think she definitely won the top 2 lipsync, I think she’s an excellent lipsync performer, and she has a great body and a great swagger as a drag queen. And I know she can do flips and acrobatics if it calls for it - look for yourself on youtube.

But I think favoritism drags the show down, and ESPECIALLY - as we saw in S12, too - when applied to queens like Symone who are ALREADY among the strongest of the group. Let’s face it, on skill alone, Symone is likely to pick up at least 3 wins of the 11 weeks of this contest. So why stack the deck by giving her an early 4th?

Olivia Lux, the other top 2 queen, performed decently in the lipsync, but was perhaps a bit literal with the lyrics. Her runway gown was highly praised by the judges, but for me was on the simpler side, although she definitely sold it with her walk and attitude. All other queens were given an equal Safe this week which... may or may not have been used to shield the worst performers overall this week, Gottmik and Kandy, who were unsure of themselves during the performance and made a few slips.

I’m ending this week as I ended the last one - wary, but hopeful. After such a focus on how entitled and unpleasant the Winners were in this episode, perhaps the next episode will cast the Losers in a more sympathetic light. My favorite and second-favorite queen, Tamisha, and Denali, are in that group, and I’m hoping to get good confessionals and meme-worthy moments from them if nothing else. And also, I’d hope that this team have bonded and will give a better performance as a group as a result. Although the threat to eliminate one of them next week given by Ru at the end of this one seems like insult to injury in terms of creating division.

Was S12 a fluke? Will S13 be another S11? Will I start genuinely liking any of this? Be here next week to find out~ xoxo

『 hunter schafer. twenty one. trans girl. she/her. 』 oh heavens, is that SAILOR QUINN from MAIN STREET i see roaming around mapleview? minnie may’s always calling them - GREEDY & - IMPULSIVE. i happen to think they’re not that bad! they’re a pretty cool WAITRESS AT SUNRISE DINER AND LOCAL PSYCHIC and every time i’ve seen them, they’ve always been + WARM & + QUICK WITTED. i hope i see them around again! 『 pepper. twenty four. est. she/her. 』

ABOUT THE MUN. the 2000 claymation film chicken run radicalized me hi, hey, hello, everyone my name is pepper and i am at work 😔 but i am also currently slacking off from work to write this 🤠 we love to see it. the duality of man. a bit about me is that i would lay my life down for hunter schafer !!! i am so excited to finally play her this has been my dream since i laid eyes on her,,, that and to take her hand in marriage but i digress. fun fact number 2, i have just started skins at my big age and i hate tony with a passion!!! i’ll fight that little punk i swear !!! fun fact number three, i have an irrational fear of humanoid beings with gills, looking at you sharkboy !! thanks for traumatizing me as a kid buddy, someone had to do it !! this fear also includes the deep from the boys, that weird fish guy that that one lady banged in that oscar nominated movie, and gill from kim possible. all of these fish men all my living nightmares, thank you for coming to my ted talk 😌 (honestlee,,, why is this such a common trope in media. who started this,,,why do they hate me). and finally, the most important thing you need to know about me, is that as a child i thot that god looked like king trident from the little mermaid. i think we can all relate to that, right? right. okay moving onto the love of my life, ms. sailor quinn.  

BIO. winks with my third eye 

everyone in mapleview knows about the quinns. the family has been here probably nearly as long as the town has and is pretty well known for their eccentrics. let’s just say the quinns were definitely, understandably, some of the first women in the history of mapleview to be accused of as being witches, an act of which they made the good ol’ mapleview history books for. this is a fact that sailor often looks back on with pride. honestly, it was one of the only things that made going to history class worth it, because despite how painfully boring the class was in general, sailor could never get tired of the startled looks of her classmates whenever her ancestry was brought up.

nowadays the quinns are arguably living a less exciting life than the good old days of being accused of sorcery. instead, they’re psychics. fortune tellers, if you will. you can find their family shop on main street, and if you’re ever feeling particularly divinely inspired you can stop by for a reading and a few charms or some crystals (they also offer sagings and exorcisms) . the third eye has actually become a bit of a tourist attraction actually, well, as much of a tourist attraction as you could find in mapleview, due to the actions of sailor’s mother. 

to put it simply, sailor’s mother had plans bigger than mapleview could offer. around the time the she was eighteen she left the town for hollywood. now, you would think based in this information that venus quinn had big plans of being on the big screen maybe. or that perhaps she had the voice of an angel and wanted to sing on the radio. you would be wrong. 

sailor’s mother became a reality tv show psychic. as you can guess, the psychic community loves her. that is, if love involved a myriad of curses being put on you and maybe a bit of voodoo. okay, she’s universally despised by psychics pretty much everywhere. i think it’s to be expected. 

sailor was born into this legacy. as you can guess, it was a pretty heavy cross to bear. she was born into a b-list fame that meant her mother had to call her own paparazzi, that sailor herself simply had to be homeschooled to avoid the ‘mobbing’ of perhaps fifteen avid fans max, and that every morning in their grand living room her mother would let her hate mail fuel their fireplace. sailor would occasionally have her face plastered on tlc, or her voice would be heard as her mother made a ‘heartwarming call to her family at home whilst on tour’ but to put it bluntly, sailor was more of a prop in her mother’s fame than anything else. and it was bargain shop fame at best. but apparently still enough scrutiny that her mother felt the need to take her out of the public eye when she came out and began to transition. 

sailor came out to her mother at the age of nine and before she could even reach the age of ten, her mother had shipped her halfway across the country to mapleview to comfortably transition in a town of strangers and in a household of people she’d only ever met at argument fueled holiday parties. her mother swore up and down that this was to make sure that sailor could transition outside of public scrutiny, so that she could have her privacy in this time and not have to deal with the media hounding her down during such a vulnerable period but sailor couldn’t help but feel abandoned by the whole situation. it felt like her mother was hiding her away, like some sort of dirty little secret. it felt like she was ashamed of her, even if the woman swore up and down that she accepted sailor as she was.

sailor moved into the top of the third eye with her her aunts and grandmother and was welcomed into this clan of women with open arms. as mentioned earlier, most of sailor’s experience with her aunts and grandmother has been brief exchanges between her aunts screaming at her mother for being a sell out, her mother hollering back about them not supporting her, and her grandmother pretending to cast a curse on her mother from the head of the dining room table. you know. normal family gatherings, but not enough for you to truly get to know somebody. but it is within the quinn women’s household that sailor finally found her footing. she finally felt like she belonged. her aunts and gram taught her everything they knew and nurtured her lovingly throughout her transition. they gave her her first job working front desk at the third eye, made the place she felt like her mother abandoned her feel more like home than her mother’s place ever had. and she is painfully loyal to them for it. when her mother finally reached out to sailor at the age of sixteen, finally inviting her back home, sailor simply refused. and she’s been here in mapleview ever since.

a few years ago sailor’s mother moved back to mapleview to attempt to repair their relationship. to put it frankly, her views were plummeting quickly, and along with feeling some amount of remorse for her deteriorating relationship with her daughter she also thought that perhaps making her show a mother daughter act would bring some of the attention back to it. sailor has pretty much refused to speak to her, but she lives around sycamore way in a large house on a hill. 

despite sailor having no plans to break into the reality tv business, she really has no idea what she would like to do instead. she is currently content to just continue working at her family shop, and occasionally take up a few of the shifts at the diner as well. she likes money, and she certainly has ambitions to make more, the how is simply up in the air at the moment. honestly, life would be a lot simpler if she could see her own future. 

or well, anyone’s at all. 

HEADCANNONS.  are you a virgin? why are you planning a sacrifice?

 this is the song that inspired sailor, no i cannot explain why. 

sailor’s mother name is venus (vee), her aunts name is persephone (percy), her other aunts name is circe (cece) and finally her grandmother’s name is luna. both her aunts are unmarried and her grandmother is widowed. 

that said, sailor does have a father despite the fact that i didn’t once mention him djsdjk he is an artist and he loves her mother to death honestly. their relationship is almost completely based off of the relationship of cassie’s parents from skins, so yeah they can’t keep their hands off each other and sailor’s father kenneth often paints her mother nude. most of these paintings could be seen on display in her old household, so sailor really did just grow up seeing her mother butt ass naked every day. sometimes it be like that i suppose. 

sailor has three black cats. she calls them the muses and their names are calliope, clio, and urania. basically, whenever there is a black cat at the pound sailor makes it her mission to them home because the stigma against black cats that keeps them from getting adopted?? wack. sailor will adopt everyone of them. 

is currently still living above her family shop is kind of interested in finding an apartment to move into instead. is in the market for a roomie or like three!! all interested parties please apply. 

is actually kinda a con artist. honestly, her whole family kinda is but shh, don’t tell nsdkjsdjk none of them can actually see the future but aunt percy (who says she can see the future, but honestly while sailor does believe her aunt percy is also a bit loony so sdjhsdj who knows what the truth is?) and her grandmother. cece, vee, and sailor tho?? all faking it until they make it. honestly sailor is pretty good about it, although she doesn’t actively see the future she does believe in everything she practices for the most part, and it shows. that says, since she is frankly, a magpie when it comes to money and literally anything mildly expensive she will offer rich people tarot readings without any hesitation and proceed to make the whole thing up as she goes along. if sailor judges them to be bad people (aka rude, the kinda people who don’t tip, snooty, assholes) she will give them a horrible reading to instill the fear of god in them and charge them extra for some good luck charms to ward off their impending doom. but if she likes them she will read the cards as they are and do her best to give them good advice based on her gut. her only saving grace is that she has pretty good intuition anyways, so a lot of what she says tends to be right even if it’s just shots in the dark. (her aunt cece is worse though, she looks up all her clients online before they come to see her dskjdsjk all of her predictions are educated guesses based on her research)

the type to crush and crush hard. falls in love every other week, and gets her heart broken just as often. honestly, sailor tends to fall for anyone who is nice to her, or gives her attention, or whose attention she wants. she is constantly on tinder mostly for fun. tends to treat the app more like a game than anything else, goes out on one night stands a hookups at least ??? 3 times a week. will make cast a love spell for the guy who told her to stay dry when she left the grocery store or the girl who smiled at her on the bus. 

cannot drive but has a license. if you see sailor behind the wheel, duck. she drives a cute little sky blue bug though. it has eyelashes on the headlights. 

colours her hair whenever she is even mildly stressed. by default at the moment it’s a pretty silvery blonde, so she tends to colour the ends often depending on her mood. 

actually can sing unlike her mother, you can probably catch her at any open mic nights in town. she has a little guitar that she’s covered in flower stickers and named aphrodite.

that little frowny face florence pugh was making throughout the entirety of midsommar,,, unhappy sailor content. thank you for coming to my ted talk. 

the type to go to church and pretend to be overcome by the holy spirit just because she’s bored on a sunday sdkjsdj 

your girl is vegan and bisexual, we love to see it. 

PERSONALITY. feeling cute today. might commit acts of hubris

CHEEKY. 99.9% of the time sailor is joking. she is the type to generally tend to be in a cheerful mood no matter what, always laughing or making a dry joke. doesn’t tend to often be in a bad mood but when she is it says something. very witty honestly, tends to be quite funny and the type to go out of her way to make someone laugh

GREEDY. sailor loves money. she absolutely adores it. she’s kind of a magpie when it comes to material things, the type to go to antique stores and thrift stores and clear them out of absolutely anything that interests her. a shameless pickpocket and minor thief, but only when it comes to large corporations or people who look like they have a summer house stashed away somewhere. definitely snatched some sort of expensive little statue from her moms place the last time she went to visit a la fleabag. is probably still looking for some place to sell it online, but honestly also kinda wants to keep it. she’s named her no head nancy and she is currently sitting on sailors desk as a paperweight 

WARM. all faults aside, if you ever need something from somebody sailor is the one to go to. need a ride home from the club? sailor will come and get you in ten minutes. feeling sick? sailor will be over at your place with some vegan chicken noodle soup and a charm for good health. need someone to cheer you up? sailor is doing a chicken dance on your front porch. she is ultimately kind, and if you are her friend especially she will be there for you until death. 

IMPULSIVE. that said sailor does pretty much everything she does without thinking. she is actually, surprisingly enough, a bit of a planner when it comes to life and finances, like she is pretty organized considering how scattered her personality is otherwise. but if sailor gets a whim to go somewhere or do something out of nowhere, she will do it. commitments be damned. the type to suddenly get up and leave mapleview one day to live in hawaii for a year and learn to scuba dive yk. will send you postcards tho. 

this is my first time playing sailor so if this is a mess and contradictory it’s because i am too 😌 thank you for coming to my ted talk.

WANTED CONNECTIONS. god doesnt respond why should i

EXES. give. me. ANGST with this please. the more dramatic the better. it’s been a hot minute since i had a good ex connection so maybe something where they dated in high school or even more recently. where they’re trying to be on good terms but some angsty feels linger below the surface, or where they’re on really bad terms and can’t hide it. the kind of exes who keep going back to each other, or who can’t leave each other alone, jealousy, and all that good stuff yk 

BEST FRIENDS. pls. i would love for sailor to have like four or five of these honestly, just a little squad. these could be here roommates!! or not!! i plan on putting in a wc for her roommates honestly, so look forward to that. 

REGULAR CUSTOMER. someone who sailor is either milking dry or is just trying to reassure. she comes to their place in the middle of the night to sage the place because they swear they heard a ghost. they have a urgent skype call because they broke a mirror and want sailor to go over their future one more time to see how it’s been affected. sailor makes a lot of money off of them and either feels guilty about it or not even a little bit guilty about it depending on their relationship. 

OTHER REGULAR CUSTOMER. this is someone who sailor regularly serves at the diner. rip to them because she is horrible at it. they find sailors order taking pencil in their soup. sailor is constantly getting their order wrong. sometimes she sits down with them and steals their fries as she talks their ear off. sailor is honestly probably too comfortable with them considering how bad she is at her job, but she definitely considers them friends. 

A CRUSH. open to ladies, theydies, and gents! someone who sailor has a big ol’ dumb crush on. this is the person that sailor thinks of whenever she does a love reading, the person who she gazes at longingly whenever she sees them. she also probably talks their ear off whenever they see each other. big heart eyes atm, but sailor knows it probably won’t last more than a month. right?

EX-CRUSHES. that makes me think omg, i’d love to have some people sailor used to have a crush on. people she had a crush on in high school. people she had a crush on last year. just people she used to be obsessed with who she is completely over now sdkjdsjk maybe they’re friends now and sailor doesn’t know what she saw in them in the first place. maybe they’re enemies omg 

OPPOSITES ATTRACT. i’d like someone really grounded to be friends with sailor. like just someone with their shit together who isn’t as airy and whimsical as her. sailor makes them loosen up a bit, and they make sure sailor doesn’t end up dead. it’s a balance. 

i think that’s all i can think of for now but honestly i’d also love to see a bully sailor used to have a s child, someone who thinks psychics and astrology and everything is bs just so sailor can like !!! debate with them about it yk, someone who’s a fan of her moms show, someone who maybe comes to sailors open mic nights religiously, a neighbor maybe like just the person who lives above the shop beside the third eye and sees these women baying at the moon during the summer solstice and is like ??? fuck i gotta move, previous one night stands, fwb, ewb, uh someone who bonds with sailor over occult stuff???

First off, I don’t spend a lot of time on tumblr any more, and this blog was mainly meant to be a reference blog for wuxia/xianxia genre, which has been my favorite genre for a long time. My main intention was to provide some information that might be helpful (I think MDZS becoming so popular so quickly due to the tv drama came a bit unexpected to us who have loved the novel for a long time) and not really engage much beyond that. But, the more time I spend here, the more I feel that some things need to be said.

There’s been a lot of talk about the MDZS novel dubcon/noncon elements and I definitely had no intention of engaging with that to any extent, but the mentality of this particular group of people (and I use that term generously because it’s mainly the mentality of extremely sheltered children) on tumblr is so unbelievably wild that someone needs to say something, and I guess that’s going to be me. I am going to warn people in advance, that I am going to make no attempts to be nice about this, because after some of the discussions I’ve seen recently, even if niceness was deserved, I certainly am no longer capable of it.

Now that the disclaimer is in place, let’s talk a bit about where this hatred for mxtx and her sex scenes comes from.

1. People who believe that nothing problematic should exist in fiction, because nothing problematic should exist in the world.

Sometimes, this is based on a simple inability to recognize how fiction and real world are not, in fact, the same thing, and this inability can be more commonly found among those too young to understand complex subjects (see great majority of the above children, who have already caused a great deal of damage to vulnerable communities by misusing and misrepresenting terms like pedophilia, incest, etc, etc). More often however, it is based on the inability to understand how real word and fiction are actually related, an inability that is unfortunately found among many people who should be considered adults. It is a fundamental misunderstanding of both, rooted in a belief that real world problems exist because they are normalized in fiction (but not all world problems because no one is trying to get rid of murder mysteries, just the icky problems they don’t actually wanna think about or do anything to solve, but would still like to never see again. All this while simultaneously getting to say “well, I’m against incest in fiction so that’s my contribution to the issue,” so they can then feel good about themselves).

This belief, by the way, that real world problems exist because they are normalized in fiction, has been proven as a false narrative many times, but like “Bible says all gay people are evil” or “climate change isn’t real” doctrines, it refuses to die even when faced with facts. “Fiction does not exist in a vacuum” they keep saying, as if those capable of critical thinking have not addressed this subject so many times, that you could practically walk your way across the Pacific Ocean on their responses alone. The real world problems do not exist because someone once wrote them down in a piece of fiction, and that should be abundantly clear to us all. Instead, problematic subjects exist in fiction precisely because they existed in the real world first, and we, the human beings, find writing things down to be one of the many ways we process information, problematic or otherwise.

There is also an insistence on seeing every piece of fiction as an instruction manual for “bad things,” and honestly, I don’t know what happens in these people’s heads, nor do I want to. Again, according to them, any underage fiction is an instructional manual for a possible pedophile, but tens of thousands of murder mysteries are just entertainment. If you read/write underage fiction, you must be a pedophile, but by the same logic, if you read/write bloody murder mysteries, this logic either doesn’t apply, or murder is just fine. So inevitably we go back to the fact that a lot of these issues are only raised by people who just don’t think anything they personally find “icky” should exist, and that’s rooted mostly in white privilege (and we’ll get to the white minority individuals later) and ethnocentricity (and we’ll get to that in a minute too). Basically, when I hear “people will learn that rape is okay from fiction,” I automatically think you’re either extremely immature or extremely ignorant, or both. Please take a psychology/sociology class or seven, throw in Moral Development 101 in the mix, and get back to me in like ten years, when we can both try and have an adult conversation. In the meantime, arguing against this is like arguing with climate change deniers. More likely to make me dumber than them smarter.  

In short, you will never be able to get rid of problematic fiction, because you will never make the world not problematic, nor will stopping the people who choose to reflect their problematic world in writing fiction accomplish absolutely anything, except them having no way to process their reality, and you being considered an immature child (which most people who think like this already are, so no news there, let’s move on).

2. They believe things are problematic because they believe that their particular experiences are common to everyone else. If they see it as problematic, then everyone else should to see it that way too.

This should be self-explanatory, and a thousand of these discussions have been held in the past, by people more eloquent than myself, about every subject from rape fantasies and bondage (go back a few years to 50 shades), to experiences that are unique to specific minority groups, like trans individuals, refugees, rape survivors, those with disabilities, multi-national and multi-racial individuals, and so on and so forth. Even among the hundreds and hundreds of these vulnerable groups of individuals, there are hundreds of different subgroups, whose experiences are all wildly different, wildly subjective, and all completely valid to them, regardless of how they differ.

None of us have the ability to understand each and every one of those unique experiences. At best, we may be able to somewhat understand a few people who have had similar experiences, but our opinions on a variety of subjects have been shaped by the smallest differences in those experiences, and are likely to never be exactly the same.

What I’m saying is this: the little white girl from Iowa, regardless of her minority status as disabled/lesbian/bi/queer female, will never understand what drives a young/disabled/queer/multiracial/2nd gen. immigrant girl, to write 55k of rape fantasy fiction between two multiracial men, and she doesn’t have to understand it. Neither her disability nor her queerness should give her a single iota of moral high ground over the other individual, or vice versa. Her personal understanding of what is morally right or wrong in fiction does not give her the right (nor should it ever) to pass judgment on anyone else’s experiences, or their method for processing those experiences. There is no sensitive way I can say this, so I’m not even gonna try. You don’t get to be automatically right because you’re gay, disabled, or a minority of any kind. Like, I know this is uncomfortable to hear, but people around here often use their status to invalidate others and to get them not to engage in any type of discussion that would prove their opinions wrong. I’m literally watching children on tumblr going, “I don’t need to know about oppression, I’m gay,” like holy shit. The only oppression you know is your own. That’s it. Please tone down the arrogance and realize you’re not alone in the world, minority or not.

I get that if you were raped, you may never want to see rape in fiction. But in the same vein, there exist people who were raped, and want to see rape in fiction. I get that you’re gay and offended by certain type of fiction, but there are also people who are gay and prefer the same type of fiction you find offensive. This is exactly when words like “pedophile” and “incest” get thrown around a lot, for things that in no way meet the definition. Because there is no factual or valid argument that exists here, and people are browbeating other people by saying “Well, I’m gay and oppressed and I just don’t like it so it has to be wrong.” But when the dissenter is also gay and oppressed, and you have to admit that based on the status you’ve used to validate yourself, you also have to admit that their opinion is as valid as yours, then the only fallback is to point a finger and say that there must be something wrong with them. “Well, your opinion is not valid because you read underage fiction so you’re a pedophile,” and this is literally what keeps happening over and over again.

At the root of all this is a twisted, sick belief, that those who process their issues and their problematic environments in the morally pure and acceptable way are the only valid voices in every community, and that everyone else’s experiences are immediately invalidated by default. It’s a pretty fucking gross rhetoric, and it’s been going on here on tumblr for a very long time now, but it’s only gotten worse, and it’s especially prevalent among the new influx of mdzs “fans.”

3. They believe things are problematic because their culture considers them problematic, and they have no concept of the fact that theirs is not the only culture in the world.

This is particularly nasty proclivity, commonly found in Western consumers of fiction. The Western audiences like to think themselves enlightened, despite the fact that most Eastern cultures have carpets in their government buildings older than the entire Western culture, system of law, morality codes, or their Constitutions. This is mostly true of U.S. in particular because their ethnocentrism keeps self-validating itself through ignorance, poor education, and other evils of capitalism. But it’s also true of other white European consumers of fiction, who have a long history of colonialism to thank for their continuous insistence that their morality is more enlightened than everyone else’s (oh, the irony of that). But not to go too far from the subject at hand, if I had a dollar every time a white girl from United States said “Ew, this rape scene this Chinese author wrote is really gross and I find it to be offensive to my entire existence,” I could pretty much overthrow the entire capitalist system that produced this ethnocentric fucking nonsense in the first place.

In short, there are many individuals in the West, who might be minorities in their general community, but have no concept or understanding of other cultures, other minority communities, or other individuals that have life experiences drastically different from their own, so they judge everything they see from their own perspective, because it is the only perspective they have, and unfortunately, it’s a pretty narrow one. There is an important lesson to be learned here, and it’s the one I’ve already mentioned above:

Being queer, or being any kind of a minority, does not automatically save you from being ignorant, being ethnocentric, being unable to understand other people’s experiences (minority or otherwise), and it most certainly does not mean that your queer culture is the only right queer culture in the world. If you doubt my words, I highly suggest consulting some native-Chinese male queer individuals, who have also read that rape scene by that Chinese author who has upset you so much that you can’t stop crying about it (although it wasn’t written for you, and you were under no obligation to read it), and maybe ask them what they think, since their opinion is the only one even close to being relevant to this particular conversation. I guarantee that their answers will shock and amaze you, and you may even learn a thing or two along the way.

(And if you immediate answer isn’t that their opinions will all be wildly different as well because them all being native-Chinese male queer individuals still doesn’t mean they’re all the same fucking person [because hello? China has 56 ethnic groups alone] and that each and every one of them is a unique individual with a unique perspective based on their particular upbringing, social environment, sexuality, etc, etc, then you’re fucking missing the point, please go back up to the beginning and try again).

In the end, the answer to never having to see anything that upsets you is pretty simple and straight forward. If it’s bothersome, do not engage. If you don’t understand something, if it seems alien to your experience, if your very existence feels utterly repulsed by it, consider the fact that it was probably not written for you in the first place, and simply remove yourself from its presence.

Do not assume that you know why it was written, do not assume it is a personal attack against your existence, do not assume that you understand (or ever could) the culture that gave it birth, the history that formed it, or the shared experiences of those who happen to like it. Do not assume that you are the authority on problematic when it comes to anyone else’s work except your own, because you are a unique individual, your moral beliefs and expectations are your own, and no one else is required to share them. The world does not have a common morality, and if it did, it certainly wouldn’t be a common morality of a white girl on fucking tumblr who isn’t gonna take an intercultural competence class unless she’s in her fourth year of college, and even then, the exact privilege that allowed her to take that class is gonna make it pretty unlikely that she’ll understand it. It’s a tough life I know, but you’ll get over it tolerably well I’m sure.

In the simplest words possible, please try and turn a mirror towards your own propensity to think that your viewpoint is superior to all others, quit making excuses that amount to your particular minority status somehow making you immune to rampant cultural ignorance, because it’s literally been centuries of this bullshit from white colonialists countries for the rest of the world, and everyone is pretty fucking sick of it.

People are simply asking you not to be a dick to other unique individuals on the sole basis of the fact that you are incapable of processing their world, their culture, or their experiences, in the same exact way that they have, and frankly, it’s really not a lot to ask.

1. A lot of times on lgbtq media, I’ll see things that include all wlw but will be labeled as for lesbians. Like “lesbian term”, “this song for lesbians”, or they’ll be posts or media talking about “lesbian only” experiences that could apply to all wlw. What bugs me is that bc lesbian has a very strict definition, I really don’t feel included in these. Whereas “gay” is an umbrella term and I often feel like I wouldn’t have these problems as a bi man cause I feel like gay covers me.

2. Lesbians of course have their own things, but I’m only talking about stuff that def includes all wlw but is called “lesbian”. Like “lesbian” couples that may have a bi women in them. I feel like there’s this split between communities bc any time I see a bi girl use the term lesbian(not as a label; for anything else) there gets so much crap thrown. While I know bi men prob feel that same sometimes, gay is such a universal term that I don’t see it as much. Idk if that’s invasive of me to feel

disclaimer: I was typing and typing and.... this kinds turned into a rant so. Take it or leave it, I don’t know how much sense I’m making. You know, up until ~50-60 years ago the word “lesbian” just meant every woman who had sex with women. That 100% included women who also had sex with men. (Note that at the time those labels were about sex acts and not about an identity based on attraction.) So many lesbians back then were what we would now call bisexual or pansexual.

However, lesbian separatists and “political lesbians” (basically the OG radfems) decided that a true lesbian should not have anything to do with men. And thus they started to exclude bisexuals from lesbian spaces and terminology and we were forced to make our own community. Which we did.

Now in the last couple years, especially on tumblr, there’s been this attempt to “reunite” lesbians and bisexual women into a shared community called “wlw” or “sapphic”. Unfortunately there’s still lesbian separatists. And that’s how you get entire campaigns on tungle dot hell where people recycle radfem rhetoric to tell bi women we aren’t “allowed to use butch/femme because those are just for lesbians” and other historic revisionism like that.

Most of the time I see people use “wlw” or “sapphic” it's bi/pan women who make that effort. And I notice a development in which the same thing happens to wlw/sapphic as it did to “lesbian” back in ye olden days: bisexuals are being told to keep their mouths shut about their male partners because “this is wlw safe space and this shouldn’t be about Straight Things” and as a result many think that “sapphic” is just a synonym for “lesbian”.

And note that this is all something that happens in relatively niche online communities like tumblr. When we’re looking at mainstream media then it’s a whole other piece of cake because mainstream media, especially when created by and for cisgender heterosexuals, just doesn’t fucking care about these distinctions. Sometimes it’s “just” ignorance and not even malicous - they just really don’t know the difference. Sometimes (often times!) it’s textbook bisexual erasure.

Personally, I totally get how you feel. I don’t feel connected to the “lesbian community” at all. I have a couple of lesbian friends but I don’t engage in any lesbian community events (even though Berlin has plenty to offer). I don’t feel like I have anything to add there and frankly, I don’t feel like I can openly talk about the fact I am bisexual and dating a man.

Even terms like “wlw” and “sapphic” - even though I do use and appreciate the sentiment behind them - don’t really give me a sense of community or belonging. Maybe that’s also a generational thing. I also don’t feel like I have one type of attraction that’s sapphic and then another type of attraction that’s [insert adjective] for men (and another again for enbys?) - all of my attractions are bisexual so I don’t feel comfortable describing my attraction to women as “sapphic” bc it implies that it’s something different than my attraction to other genders. But again, that’s just my personal feelings. I don’t mind those terms and I don’t mind if someone would use those as umbrella terms for me or as identity labels for themselves - go for it. I just don’t feel any significant connection to them personally.

I’m also a petty asshole though so if some event or media or whatever is advertised as “lesbian* .... party / movie night / pride / book club” then I’m just like, well, I’m not a lesbian so that’s not for me, guess they’ll be missing out on getting to know me. And I get even more pissy when they add in small print “*also welcome to bisexuals” because if you wanna make an event for lesbians and bi women then why not advertise it as that? Putting us in parantheses or small-print is at best tone-deaf and at worst an expression of how little they value us.

Many lesbians aren’t actively biphobic and would never want to exclude us and would actually genuinely welcome us. So, don’t take this as me slagging off all lesbians. However... many, especially the younger ones, are still incredibly oblivious to the history of their own label (because radfems work very hard at erasung that history so it doesn’t include bi and trans women) as well as ignorant about the struggles that bisexual women have to face in particular both in mainstream society as well as within the LGBTQIA+ community. They often don’t realise how alienating it is for us to always only being an after-thought at best. Which is kinda hilarious given that they often (rightfully!) voice the same criticism when everything is made about cis gay men and lesbians are just the after-thought.

So long story short: I get it. It sucks. That being said, bisexual men also face a lot of issues and biphobia affects them in some specific gendered ways that are also pretty shitty. They really don’t have it better or easier then other bisexuals when it comes down to biphobia.

Now, you can either say “fuck it, lesbian stuff is for me, too” and ignore all the separatism and basically reclaim your rightful place in this community. Or you can stick to the bi community and seek out media/events that are explicitly for all the queers.

Maddie

Books Read 2020

I started off really good this year, what with quarantine and all. And then I got sidetracked by reading one hundred and forty-nine fanfics (and counting) (mostly Destiel; CW can kiss my ass). 

I read 30 books this year, which I thought was bad, but apparently I only read 24 last year, so not awful. I did the Popsugar reading challenge for the fifth year. There were 50 categories this year, so 60% isn’t too bad. So without further ado, let’s get started under the cut.

1. The Mermaid, The Witch, and the Sea, Maggie Tokuda-Hall (a book that’s published in 2020). This book, y’all. My god. It has it all: pirates, queer relationships, genderfluid characters, an intense plot. This book was so good. I definitely recommend this book. Pirates!!! And gay!

2. Somebody Told Me, by Mia Siegert (a book by a trans or nonbinary author). I don’t know how Siegert identifies, but I know they use they/them pronouns. This book was... okay but frustrating. A bigender teen, Aleks/Alexis, has a traumatic experience and moves in with their aunt and uncle, who is a newly converted Catholic priest. I liked the queer rep, but sometimes it felt like the author had these assumptions or prejudices about the Catholic church. Some of them were right, granted, and I’m not a practicing Catholic anymore so I don’t know why it pissed me off, but it bugged me anyway. So I guess if you don’t mind it seeming like the author did little to no research on Catholicism, then it’s a good book.

3. All the King’s Men, by Nora Sakavic (a bildungsroman). Who, me? Rereading my gay comfort trilogies during quarantine? It’s more likely than you think. Love the All for the Game trilogy. This is the third book in the series. It’s the best book in the trilogy. It is a series about a college sports team who play a made up sport called Exy, which is basically a more violent version of lacrosse. I’m not a huge sports fan, but the way she writes Exy matches had me on the edge of my seat. The team is made up of all “at-risk” students, the main character being a kid on the run from his mob boss dad. Trigger warning for the series for violence, sexual assault/rape, abuse, drug use, I may be missing some things. It was so good though.

4. Captive Prince, by C.S.Pacat (a book with a map). Back again with the gay comfort trilogies. This is the first book in the Captive Prince trilogy, and whoops, did I say love All For the Game? Love this series more. It’s awesome. It’s fantasy and gay and romantic. But the romance isn’t even the central part. Laurent is my favorite asshole. Damen is so sweet and sassy as fuck. HIGHLY RECOMMEND. Seriously. I can’t do this series justice.

5. The Foxhole Court, by Nora Sakavic (a book recommended by your favorite blog, vlog, podcast, or online book club). First book in the All for the Game series. What are you still doing here? Go start this trilogy!

6. Ella Enchanted, by Gail Carson Levine (a book that passes the bechdel test). This is such a good book. It was one of my favorite books when I was a kid. It’s basically a retelling of Cinderella, and if you’ve seen the movie version with Anne Hathaway, the book is way, way better. 

7. Loki: The God Who Fell to Earth, by Oscar Basaldua (a book with the same title as a movie or TV show but is unrelated to it). God, I cannot WAIT for the Loki show. Anyway, this is a new comic about Loki (obviously). I love anything with my disaster wife in it, so 100% I recommend it. 

8. As Drowning Men Clutch at Straws, by EA Roisin (a book by an author with flora or fauna in their name). Okay, so. Roisin is an Irish name that means rose, and EA Roisin is my (unpublished) pen name. In my defense, the manuscript is 186 pages long and it felt like an accomplishment when I finally finished rereading it for the first time since I finished it in 2015. Do I recommend it? I’ll let you know if it ever gets published.

9. Red White and Royal Blue, by Casey McQuiston (a book that won an award in 2019). I’m still rereading this book. I got interrupted because my sister wanted to read it and then I got a new book for my birthday. But this is, far and away, my FAVORITE BOOK. It’s so beautiful. It was very romantic (once they stopped “hating” each other), and gay. The premise sounds far-fetched: First Son of the United States falls for the Crown Prince of England. But, guys, it’s soooo gooooood. Highly, highly, highly recommend. 

10. A Beautifully Foolish Endeavor, by Hank Green (a book with only words on the cover, no images or graphics). This is the sequel to An Absolutely Remarkable Thing. This was just as great as the first, but I spent a good chunk of the book vibrating with anxiety. The stakes were way higher, and I don’t think I’ve been scared while reading a book since reading Jade Green (Phyllis Reynolds Naylor) in junior high (which was fucking terrifying, btw). But I definitely recommend it!

11. Crush, by Richard Siken (a book with a pun in the title). Guys. I read this book almost every year, because it’s quick and gorgeous and the title is accurate because it absolutely crushes me. This is a collection of LGBT (more specifically, gay) poetry, and OH MY GOD. This is in my top five favorite books. I read it all the time. This is the book that made me fall in love with poetry, back in high school.

12. The Raven King, by Nora Sakavic (a book with a bird on the cover). The second book in the All for the Game series. Trigger warnings for All the King’s Men apply to this one, too. 

13. 1014: Brian Boru, by Morgan Llewelyn (a fiction or nonfiction book about a world leader). If you know me, you know I’m a complete Irish history nerd. This book is about a very important battle that took place in Ireland, and the last great High King of Ireland, Brian Boru. High Kings are mostly just an elected title, who get paid via taxes from provincial kings and chieftains, but Brian was the only one who saw as close to a united, free Ireland as it got until 1921 (although since the island is split between the North and the Republic, it’s still not totally unified). I recommend if you like history.

14. The Magnolia Sword, by Sherry Thomas (a book by a WOC). Oh. My. God. So this is a retelling of the ballad of Mulan. Mulan is a very important story to me anyway (tomboy as a child, genderfluid, bisexual as fuck), and this retelling was so good and interesting. It also features one of my favorite tropes, Surprise Gays. I highly, highly recommend.

15. My Own Ways Through This Life, by Chris Viau (a book with at least a four-star rating on Goodreads). Okay, so it miiiight have a four-star rating because of me and my camp family all rating it, but it counts. This is a mixed media autobiography by one of my camp friends. He has written at least three books, and all are available on Amazon. This is the only one I’ve read so far, and it was really interesting. I definitely recommend it. 

16. Insomniac City, by Bill Hayes (a book you meant to read in 2019). This book was beautiful and heartbreaking. It was a Christmas gift from my brother. It’s a memoir about Bill’s time in a relationship with Oliver Sacks, a famous neurologist. It’s sweet and melancholic and funny. Huge recommendation.

17. Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens’ Agenda, by Becky Albertalli (a book about or involving social media). Still such a wonderful book. Better than the movie, I’m telling you. It was really good, and I definitely cried. If you liked the movie, read the book. It’s different in several ways. I think if you’re thinking in terms of trueness to the book, the movie was maybe not as good, but they’re both good as their own standalone things. But I highly recommend both.

18. Loki: Agent of Asgard, by Jason Ewing (a book that has a book on the cover). This is such a good series. It’s a great characterization of my disaster wife.  I love this graphic novel series. I love how they depict Loki, how he finally gets a goddamn redemption arc. It’s a really fun read. Check it out.

19. Kings Rising, by CS Pacat (a book with a made up language). This is pushing it, since they never actually speak in the made up languages on paper. But UGH. Third book in the Captive Prince trilogy, and hands down the best. Laurent and Damen finally let go of the goddamn longing and actually do something about it.

20. The Deep, by Rivers Solomon (a book set in a country beginning with C). This is pushing it, because it’s about mermaids (basically), but I think they’re in the Caribbean. I loved this book. It was so interesting. It’s based on a song by clipping., Daveed Diggs’s group. The premise is the wajinru (the mermaid people) originated as the infants from pregnant Africans that died and were thrown overboard during the slave trade. So like, it’s a pretty heavy book. But it’s heartfelt and sweet, too. Also more Surprise Gays, which came at an excellent time (November, post-Supernatual finale) for me. I highly recommend.

21. Written in the Stars, by Alexandria Bellefleur (a book you picked because the title caught your attention). I just finished this book tonight and it was so. good. It’s basically a modern, lesbian, fake dating rendering of Pride and Prejudice. And let me tell you, if there’s one thing I love more than Pride and Prejudice, it’s lesbians. It’s really really great. I highly, highly recommend. 

22. Running with Lions, by Julian Winters (a book with a three-word title). Thanks to All for the Game and movies like Handsome Devil and Boys, I have discovered that I have a huge thing for queer sport stories. So this book was really, really good. It’s got friends to enemies to friends to lovers, which is great. It’s got soccer, which is way more homoerotic now. And it’s got gays, which is really why I picked this book up. But it’s well written and the story is interesting, too. I definitely recommend.

23. The Prince and the Dressmaker, by Jen Wang (a book with a pink cover). Oh my god. AHHHHH!!! This book is amazing. It’s a graphic novel, so it’s a quick read. It’s fantasy and feels a little Cinderella-y, but that’s not the best part. The queer relationship is amazing, but that’s not the best part. The prince is genderfluid! Like me! And his mask name is Sebastian! Like me! (Okay, so my name is Bastien, but close enough) This was so so so good. I got it at a convention in February, and I was practically vibrating with excitement as I read it. I highly highly highly recommend. 

24. Girl Crushed, by Katie Heaney (a book by or about a journalist). I think I’d have liked this book better if it wasn’t so...similar to my life. The main premise is the main character is getting over a sudden and painful break up, after being dumped by her long-term (maybe first? I can’t remember) girlfriend. The ex has the same initials as my ex and acted very similarly, so maybe I ended up picturing her when the character came up in the book. The ending pissed me off. It was very gay and that wasn’t the entirety of the book, so maybe you’ll like it more than me. It was just too true to life for me and opened up some old wounds I didn’t want to open up. The author is an editor at Buzzfeed, so that’s how it fits into this category. 

25. Date Me, Bryson Keller, by Kevin van Whye (your favorite prompt from a past POPSUGAR Reading Challenge--a book published this year). This might be my second or third favorite book, goddamn it’s that good. It’s queer, obviously, and sort of fake dating? Bryson is dared to date someone new each week. He’s assumed to be straight, so all the people he dates are girls until Kai asks him. It’s really sweet, and there’s some issues with coming out to your family that don’t always sit well with me, but overall it was really good and it ends well. I definitely recommend.

26. Loki: Where Mischief Lies, by Mackenzi Lee (a book written by an author in their 20s). AAAHHHH!!!! Fuckin.... Okay, y’all know I have feelings about Loki. He’s my spouse and I love him to death. This book was so, so good. Loki gets sent to Victorian London to solve a mystery and meets a group of humans who know about Asgard and basically keep Midgard in order for Odin. Loki is canonically pan and genderfluid (as he should be), and Theo is a sweetheart. I wrote a 10k fic coming out of reading this book (Phantom Limb by Irishavalon on AO3, check it out.). I seriously recommend!

27. Because of Winn-Dixie, by Kate DiCamillo (a book by an author who has written more than 20 books). I read this with my third graders at the beginning of this year. Such a good book. I read it as a kid too. The movie is great but as always, book is better. Recommend.

28. Adventures of Charls, the Veretian Cloth Merchant, by CS Pacat (a book with more than 20 letters in its title). This was a reread of a short story that comes after the Captive Prince trilogy. Charls, the cloth merchant, was such a great side character in the CP trilogy, and telling the story from his perspective was great. It doesn’t have to be read after the other CP short stories, but at least the trilogy should be read first.

29. Fence vol.1, by CS Pacat (a book from a series with more than 20 books). I’m pushing it with this category. I read the first volume, but this is a comic book series, so the 20 books is more issues. This is very good too. It’s another gay sports story, and is probably going to be enemies to lovers, but they’re still enemies by the end of volume 1. Still recommend. 

30. Prince’s Gambit, by CS Pacat (a book with a main character in their 20s). Book 2 of the Captive Prince trilogy. Very very good. 

What do you have to say about sexual orientation? If for example a male who is perceived by others as a man is non-binary or a woman. If a cis woman dated them what would they be? The woman herself should be the one to name their sexuality, of course. But how does that work after all? Also what would a trans person want from their cis partner regarding their identity? I'm wary of males because of social manhood, you know? Everytime I perceive someone as male or find out they're male, I'm wary.

Does that make me transphobic? I’m asking this in good faith, I’m sorry if I’m ignorant. It seems ideal a world where your sex doesn’t dictate who you are to such an extent, but such a world isn’t ours. And what is identity based womanhood? What is a woman if not a socially constructed being? I’m not denying that gender exists, otherwise not this many people would be transgender. But I don’t understand what it is and how it works. Can you suggest any readings that may clarify that for me please?

To be honest sexual orientation + the impact of trans(ness) on that is a very very personal thing.

If a cis woman dated [a male who identifies as non-binary or a woman but is seen as a man] what would they be?

Again, very personal. There’s lots of nuance that I think can’t really be glossed over. Does the woman consider her partner to be a man or just to have masculine features she is attracted to? Is she attracted to the partner’s masculine features, or is she attracted to the partner as a whole (ie. would she stay with the partner if the partner transitioned)? That’s part of why it’s so hard to really define people’s sexualities in light of gender identity, because ultimately human beings aren’t attracted to gender identity, they’re attracted to percieved gender. Perception depends a lot on context. I have been friends in the past with a pre-transition trans woman who I would say absolutely I would consider to be in a lesbian relationship with her girlfriend. This particular trans woman is very GNC + authentic around at home but less so in public, and the gender non conformity and womanliness was a key part of what attracted her girlfriend.

Also what would a trans person want from their cis partner regarding their identity?

Again, personal - depends on the individual trans person. Given the friend example I gave above, the trans partner wanted support in expressing and exploring their identity while working on finding transition services. She basically wanted to be able to share the things she liked but wasn’t able to be seen with publically; other than that it was a normal relationship afaik.

I’m wary of males because of social manhood, you know? Everytime I perceive someone as male or find out they’re male, I’m wary. Does that make me transphobic?

In general I don’t think being wary of men is unreasonable, and it’s sometimes not really stoppable (ie. it’s an emotional reaction to something bad that happened, in many cases). It doesn’t automatically make you a transphobe. What would make you a transphobe is using these society-wide and personal issues to target the entire demographic of trans women specifically. For example, social womanhood really only just describes how other people perceive womanhood and interact with a person seen as a woman, in every possible way. So for social manhood to be a problem in trans women, you’re assuming that they were primarily supported by social manhood and included in toxic masculinity - when in actuality, a lot of trans women as younger people are bullied and isolated for their lack of social manhood. There is such wide variation in people’s experiences, and I think the only transphobic thing would be to dismiss the entire demographic off hand based on these assumptions about how manhood applies to trans women.

And what is identity based womanhood? What is a woman if not a socially constructed being? I’m not denying that gender exists, otherwise not this many people would be transgender. But I don’t understand what it is and how it works.

This is kind of how I define it in my own head based on my various readings

1. Social womanhood - the way people perceive you as a woman and interact with you based on those assumptions

2. Identity-based womanhood - your own personal internal view and relationship with your gender as a woman

Unfortunately, though, when we refer to both of these concept as “women”, we end up with this kind of stuff:

Pro-trans people: Trans women are women!

What TERFs see: Trans women are women because we say so, no matter how other people perceive them or any physical basis for that perception, and you should shut up about social womanhood issues.

What Pro-trans people see: There is more to womanhood than how you are perceived and your identity matters

But it’s completely possible to have either kind of womanhood without the other. I have social womanhood but not identity womanhood. The aforementioned example friend had identity womanhood but not social womanhood. They’re both important, and I honestly think anybody affected by either of them has a big stake in feminism and women’s rights.

Gendered Communication and the frustration of trying to communicate with TERFs from a perspective of inferred masculinity

I feel like a frustrating thing trying to have any semblance of impactful dialog with TERFs is that they act like gender doesn’t exist when it’s convenient for them, but then also like it does exist, and is irrevocably tied to genitals, also when it’s convenient for them. Example: Any education major, which I once was, psych major, or gender studies major has to take courses which at some point will cover gendered differences in communication between men and women. When I was taking this course (that’s not the content of the whole course, just a significant portion of it,) I had to give a presentation on this specific topic. When I did, it was a uniquely awesome experience as a transgender woman, even not being fully out at the time. I had a habit of coming to that class dressed in my more feminine attire/stylings, as it was on the same night as drag nights I went to at the time. I was often wearing a women’s shirt, women’s bondage pants, and nail polish, without makeup, had long hair, tied back, but went by my deadname and male pronouns. It was in the bible belt, so I found it odd that people didn’t harass me at the time, but it was obvious they were never quite sure what to think of me.

Anyway, when I was going through the presentation, I struck a huge chord with the other women in the class (most of whom were straight), by focusing on how those differences often create conflicts in heterosexual relationships which could be easily avoided by each member of the relationship learning the subliminal languages of the others communication style, and how they differ from their own. The men seemed like someone had lit a light bulb over their heads and smashed a brick over them simultaneously in this sort of series of “OH!” moments, while the other women were just a constant sea of nods and “mmhmms,” punctuated with laughter. I hadn’t really piped up much in the class, I was pretty quiet and liked to keep to myself, but after the presentation I was expected to be a social butterfly of a public speaker on gender when all of the attention of the class suddenly turned to *my* gender, which the other students presumed must be female. They all saw me as a transgender woman, even though I hadn’t come out, brought it up in any way, or made any outward indication that I identified this way. Everyone, even the cishet guys, was legit just reading my mannerisms and communications style, and matching it with I’d gone over in my presentation, which I was conveniently enough actively demonstrating literally just by communicating the way I’ve always communicated, which they’d also been able to observe in what limited interactions they’d had with me up to that point, and realizing that they internally coded me as feminine based on my communication style and mannerisms.

At the time, the concept of transness was in and of itself very new to me, and I was carrying a lot of internalized transphobia. The way that people in the class tried to put the way *they* perceived it was generally vocalized as “So you were born a boy, but you’re really more of a girl on the inside,” and I was happy to leave the understanding at that, but my the point is that they were able, just from watching a trans person give a presentation on gendered differences in communication, and analyzing how that person communicated, determine my gender, even if their language was off/not entirely accurate. Okay, cool, so what does this have to do with trying to have any kind of productive debates with TERFs, and how their treatment of gender as existent when it suits their purposes and non-existent when it doesn’t? Well, first, let’s establish that gender is a thing. It’s a social construct which people align to based off of who we find ourselves as similar to throughout our lives along it’s spectrum, and those who study gender generally agree that gender is much more about culture and psychology than it is about sex, and is also an independent factor from sex, just many people within a given sex align with the same gender, but it’s not always that way. Some people, like me, differ from this expectation.

I’m not talking about what kind of clothing you like to wear, and how you like to present yourself in order to express the trappings our society associates with gender, right now, even though those are still a part of the larger social construct, because those are the ways we learn to express a way in which we desire to be seen to others who have not yet had a chance to interact with us and “feel out” our gender, I’m not talking about arbitrarily gendered interests, like who is taught to like cars and sports and who is taught to like fashion and domestic interests, because 1: It’s just as stupid as gender coding colors and styles of clothing, and 2: this is more an effect of society sexistly deciding that some interests are only appropriate for one gender, and inappropriate for another.

I’m talking purely about how we interact with other members of our gender vs. members of other genders, and the interesting web of communication difficulties and misconceptions that can create in a world where we are constantly shifting between interactions with other members of our gender, and members of other genders. IE: How I decided “Ew, ‘other’ boys are grotty and weird and bullies and I would rather spend my time with my sisters or alone” long before I entered school, how I decided “Wow, girls make a lot more sense, and I’m going to make friends with the girls, and screw the boys” when I first entered daycare and elementary school,” how my bullies in middle school decided that I was to be attacked for “being a girl,” and how my friends in high school decided that I was “such a girl.”

Once we have felt out someone’s gender, we either flow with it, or fight it if we decide that the person we are interacting with is not gendering “properly,” according to our expectations. The problem I tend to see in interactions between transgender women and TERFs is that it seems like TERFs frame their expectations as “Penis = Male = Man = Read everything this person says as though a man is saying it.” Now, there are a lot of differences in communication styles between men and women, and I’m not going to go into an in-depth discussion right here, right now on every single difference in the ways that men and women use, or don’t use different words, gestures, tones, subtle vocalizations, or lacks thereof to “say” different things in combination, how much of a conversation each gender takes part in and how we break in and bow out when we are in shared physical space/setting, because this is online communication and many of those things are eliminated, and we get down to pretty much just words, with no real limits on what we can say, how long we have to say it, etc., but still, even when reduced to written words, a man and a woman using the same words can be saying two completely different things. The intents behind those words, the message they are meant to carry, in a conversation in a shared space, or even over an audio or video medium are much easier to read because we can take advantage of other portions of the message that we are missing online, and so, when we are reading something, in order to infer those subtle signs we are missing, we have to rely on what we know of the gender of the person speaking to try to perceive meaning properly as just one of many things that we should know about the person who’s message we are reading. In a debate between a woman who is trans and a TERF, often the individuals communicating are strangers, the TERF reduces all missing context to gender, and a man’s tone, intent, and meaning, which were never placed by the woman writing are instead forced on by the TERF in order to accomodate her lack of understanding for the fact that she is in fact speaking to a person who genders as a woman. The transgender woman has two choices at this point, she can get into a lengthy series of having to try to re-explain everything she’s saying, and break everything down to the most idiot-proof, lengthy-ass detailed as fuck version she can to spread every feminine coded message in between the lines of the words selected, which tone, gesture, and other more subtle forms of communication would have carried had she been having a face-to-face conversation, and force that understanding past the masculine coding the TERF has chosen to forcibly apply to the message even in it’s initial absence, or she can throw up her hands, roll her eyes, and walk away, which the TERF will take as a “victory,” even when it represents a fundamental lack of understanding, and generally amounts to actually shoving words in the other woman’s mouth. This is an example of how TERFs, even subconsciously acknowledge gender, but assign it as irrevocably tied to genitals when it is convenient for them. If they can tack an unintended, and absent male coding onto words from another woman just because she is trans, and the written word may lack the necessary context clues to indicate they should instead be reading the attempted communication with the female coding which would have been more easily readable in a face-to-face interaction, they can use their own misinterpretation as a basis to portray the woman as exhibiting “masculine behavior,” even when none is present, and was only inferred by a complete lack of comprehension based on an improper, internally applied coding, which was assumed based on the genitals of the individual speaking. Conversely, in repsonse to this discussion a TERF may argue that gender has no impact on the way in which we communicate, because they are critical of whether gender is even real, even as they themselves continue to assign male gender coding to a woman’s words. While the irony at this point is a bit unfathomable, it is useful to remember that gender, while it does play an immense role in the way we communicate is not a binary, and is a social construct, and that everyone relates to gender uniquely, pieces our own gender together out of a complex upbringing in a society in which the meaning of each gender is continuously changing in ways from subtle to gross from generation to generation, and again, very importantly, that how we gender, in the end, as described by experts in the study of gender, has little to do with our genitals, and much to do with psychology and culture. Therefore, when I say that communication has gendered differences, a TERF may read “all people with vaginas communicate one way, and all people with penises communicate another way,” or, even, if being perceptive, “all women communicate alike, and all men communicate alike,” and apply the idea that there are only two groups, when neither of those things is what is being stated, and there are in fact not only two groups to belong to with some universal set of coding, and they are not inherently linked in any way to how an individual would be sexed in an also false binary on the basis of primary and secondary sex characteristics. What must be understood is that these differences simply exist, and occur in broadly definable ways, which most people can relate to well enough to be able to say when educated on these differences “Oh, I relate more to this particular aspect of gendered communication styles than this one,” for each of the various aspects of human communication we use beyond mere verbage in a dialog. Essentially, one, when made bluntly aware and properly educated should be able to see that spectra exist in the ways we communicate, and that most people who identify with a gender can roughly see how we line up with most other people who identify as we do. This is not without complications however, and these complications go beyond the vast differences in the most masculine styles and codings and the most feminine styles and codings of communication, to the fact that an individual can definitely have a “mixed bag” of codings. Furthermore, styles of communication are not strictly gender defined, and are influenced by an array of other factors, nor are they gender-defining. In general, we do tend to communicate better, at least in face-to-face settings with members of our own identified gender than with other genders, although this can obviously be improved through education non these differences and practical application, as men who spend a great deal of time around women, or women who spend a great deal of time around men can very easily learn to decipher, and speak the languages better, and often do, and we all develop our own unique languages based on who we spend most of our time around, but at the same time, who we spend most of our time around and communicating with doesn’t change our gender. Examples include a woman who might have many interests society deems “male,” and be identified as a “tomboy” who might have more male friends than female friends growing up may learn the masculine coding better than the feminine coding, and be a bit lost among the more feminine women and more comfortable communicating with men and other women who’ve had a more male social circle, and her identity as a woman is still valid. A man with more traditionally feminine interests who may have therefore spent more time associating with other women may have an easier time communicating with women and other men who have had a similar social surrounding, but his identity as a man is still valid. Trans people are often a bit caught up in the middle somewhere, which can be a strength in facilitating communication in groups of mixed gender, as it was in my presentation, or can be a frustration when we are intentionally mis-read on the basis of our genitals being used to apply an assumed gender, even, at times, in a way which may be used to intentionally override any broadly gendered communicative styles we present and express, even in face-to-face interactions in a way which completely derails communication, and can, again, really make a woman want to throw her hands up, roll her eyes, and walk away from the conversation regardless of whether it’s with a man, or another woman. In the end, neither genitals, nor identified gender is strictly determinative of how we code our communications, and what subliminal messages should, and should not be read into the spoken, or written word. Genitals in fact, have no impact at all past perhaps gonadal hormones impacting how patient we may or may not feel in a given moment, but gender is still a massive factor, and one which should not be ignored or erased, and communication can almost be guaranteed to be mistranslated when those codings are ignored, even more so when a present coding is erased, and an inferred, non-present coding is implied. This, combined with the way TERFs seem to enjoy acting like gender is ever-present in a dichotomous binary determined by genitals when it is convenient to their understanding makes it likely that having a reasoned conversation with a TERF online, or, perhaps even in person, is simply impossible when coming from a position in which masculinity will inevitably be inferred and applied to every word as even as present femininity will be ignored by the TERF, all while she may even claim that gender simply doesn’t exist if it suits her argument, a belief which could be influenced by a misunderstanding of the reality of gender as a social construct in preference for an over-simplified take on what this means, or, in some cases, even the uniqueness of her own experience, development, presentation, and expression of her gender, which may not have been explored past the idea that vagina = woman = all women must participate in gender identically, otherwise gender itself is invalid. This is not at all to say that she does not gender herself correctly, merely that she may ignore the complexity of gender and the fact that not all members of a gender adhere to some cookie cutter mold of gender, regardless of what genitals we were born with, and that the cookie cutter is in fact what is invalid, because society attempts to apply gender not only in a strict binary, but also in a way which attempts to force every aspect of personality, identity, interest, motivation, drive, behavior, sexuality, etc. into one of only two available all-consuming templates, only one of which is considered “appropriate”/available to each gender, which does not indicate that gender does not exist, merely that society is sexist and discriminatory in the way in which it establishes expectations of performance on individuals on the basis of gender. This could become it’s own entire conversation. The point remains that until a TERF can become willing and able to acknowledge the feminine gender of a trasngender woman, and read her words with the intentional assumption of a female communication style and meaning, choosing to hear the words with the intended tone and subliminal, “between the lines” messages, we might be better off just throwing our hands up in the air, rolling our eyes, and walking away the same way we would talking to a dense man who doesn’t understand what we’re trying to say, even if we are in fact attempting to communicate with another woman. It just doesn’t work when an intentional road-block is put up by the party intended to understand, regardless of shared gender.

Heya! How can I write a trans character and not be like "I'M TRANS, I'M SPECIAL, LOOK AT ME". Like, make them feel authentic, make that be part of their character and yet not be annoying to others

Disclaimer: I am speaking from my personal experience as a trans man, and therefore what I say may not apply to every trans/non cis person. Because of this, I am only using trans men in my examples based on my gender experience, as I do not feel qualified to speak on behalf of trans women/other non cis people.1. Have them introduce themselves with their pronouns. When I meet people for the first time, I say: “Hi, I’m Cam and I use he/him pronouns.” I don’t directly tell them I’m trans, because that shouldn’t matter, what matters is my pronouns being used correctly. 2. Being trans doesn’t mean openly being trans. I introduce myself with my pronouns since I’m only 3 months on HRT and do not pass like a cis man. However, as soon as I hit that point where I do, I have no interest in making it known. I understand what you mean by “make it part of their character” and I also know I can’t speak for every trans person, but for me and the majority of my trans friends, being trans loses its shine very quickly. When I first realised I was trans I was shouting it from the rooftops, but now, almost 6 years down the line, I just want to nap. Being trans isn’t cute or soft, it’s hard, and all I want is to be treated like a man. So if your character is at the point they pass, it might not be something they speak about at all.3. How far along on HRT is your trans character? Do they want HRT? Things like this can be a good way to reference someone is trans without openly saying it. Say your character is a trans man who has had top surgery, describe the first time he’s seen with his shirt off by someone and they notice his scars. Has he just started HRT a few months ago? Write about the fact he’s passed the typical age for male puberty, yet his voice has just started cracking and his friends love how funny it sounds. Maybe HRT and surgery aren’t his thing, but he does bind, and he haaates it on sunny days. 4. Don’t mention it until x amount of time in the story. Again, if you’re playing someone who happened to want HRT and surgery and have had them for years, then they might not be talking about being trans a lot. As I said, once I get to that point, it’s not going to be something I talk about much at all, so maybe people don’t even realise this character is trans until a passing comment is made by them over their gender experiences. 5. On the flip side, start with them not being out of the closet. Have them finding the courage to come out as trans be one of their plot points, after building up a trust with x z y characters. It’ll be a heart warming moment. Or maybe they’re sort-of-out but haven’t settled on a name yet, friends helping you narrow it down is very sweet and great for bonding! (I didn’t even pick my name, my friend was like ‘eh you look like a Cam’ and well here I am lmao).6. Maybe they are really open about being trans, maybe they’re an activist who walks around with a backpack in the shades of the trans flag. Or, maybe they’ve got a tattoo about it. Perhaps x character notices ‘03/06/14′ tattooed on them and when asking about the date they say “oh, that’s the day I started hormones” or similar! 7. I personally find dysphoria an utter bitch. Maybe there’s a trigger for your character and they lean on someone else for support to get them through the particularly bad spell of dysphoria that day. People experience levels of dysphoria differently, but speaking as someone who has crippling levels, some days I can’t even leave my room if I let it get the better of me. Perhaps your character is having a bad day, and x y z characters investigate why/are aware and do all the dysphoria squashing things they can! :D

Everyone experiences gender differently, as well as their journey as a trans person. If you gave this question to someone else, they could give totally different answers to me, but that’s the fun of it - everyone has their own story. Whatever you decide, I am sure your trans character is going to amazing. Thank you for such an interesting question! Any trans/non cis people able to add to this? Let us know what you think!

(1) Hi, I’m not asking this question to offend anyone, this is a genuine question I have. If I offend anyone for being insensitive I am very sorry. So I've been thinking a lot of the differences between transracial vs. transgender and the more research and opinions I find on it the more I get confused. The main argument against being transracial is that a transracial person hasn't gotten the full experience of the specific gender they are identifying due to them living as birth gender. continued

(2) Like Rachel Dolezal being told she is not allowed to identify as black because she hasn’t gotten the true experience of being a black woman in America due to her living the her life as a white woman. However, can’t the same thing be said, for example, a MTF transgender person? It is undeniable that there is a specific woman experience. And for people (especially who realize they are trans late) live their lives passing as a man and don’t get this experience. (continued)(3) Being a woman is being catcalled, is being objectified, and is being paid less than their male counterparts. A MTF trans person doesn’t experience those for most of their life until they begin to live their lives true to their real selves. Why does this ‘experience’ argument work to discount transracial but doesn’t discount transgender? Again I’m very sorry for this question, I will admit myself it is very ignorant. But I just really want an answer to this and I hope I can get that.Harper says:Hi there, I’m going to assume you are asking this in good faith but to be quite honest the phrasing of some of your questions seriously makes me doubt that. Before I start, I want to clarify as Kii does in this ask that transracial is a term that actually describes someone who has been adopted by someone to a family of a different race, rather than the racist stuff Dolezal is doing.First off I’m going to address some assumptions about being a woman that you make in your question: “there is a specific woman experience” and that that experience “is being catcalled, is being objectified, and is being paid less than their male counterparts.” It’s curious to me that you claim there is an “undeniable… specific woman experience” and then only cite moments that we can see other people who are not women experience. For example, homophobic catcalling, i.e. verbal sexual harassment can and does happen to effeminate gay men on the streets; black men are a site of sexual objectification in much of media, consider pornography for example; gay men, men of colour are also paid less than their male counterparts and have been for some time historically. If you base your understanding of what makes a woman entirely on something like misogyny, you have to be open to the fact that other oppressive forces will coalesce in the same way to recreate similar experiences in similar liberation groups. You should also acknowledge that gendered discrimination doesn’t operate on a basis purely targeting women. I think you should broaden your understanding on how such forces work. I recommend reading Julia Serano’s Whipping Girl:

While often different in practice, cissexism, transphobia, and homophobia are all rooted in oppositional sexism, which is the belief that female and male are rigid, mutually exclusive categories, each possessing a unique and non overlapping set of attributes, aptitudes, abilities, and desires. Oppositional sexists attempt to punish or dismiss those of us who fall outside of gender or sexual norms because our existence threatens the idea that women and men are “opposite” sexes. This explains why bisexuals, lesbians, gays, transsexuals, and other transgender people — who may experience their genders and sexualities in very different ways — are so often confused or lumped into the same category (i.e., queer) by society at large. Our natural inclinations to be attracted to the same sex, to identify as the other sex, and/or to express ourselves in ways typically associated with the other sex blur the boundaries required to maintain the male-centered gender hierarchy that exists in our culture today.In addition to the rigid, mutually exclusive gender categories established by oppositional sexism, the other requirement for maintaining a male-centered gender hierarchy is to enforce traditional sexism — the belief that maleness and masculinity are superior to femaleness and femininity. Traditional and oppositional sexism work hand in hand to ensure that those who are masculine have power over those who are feminine, and that only those born male will be seen as authentically masculine. For the purposes of this manifesto, the word misogyny will be used to describe this tendency to dismiss and deride femaleness and femininity.

I’d also like to turn your attention to Jacob Hale’s essay Are Lesbians Women? in which he lays out a list of factors of what makes a woman. He does so in such a way where each individual item on the list is not necessary nor sufficient in order to be a woman. For example, although he lists ‘presence of breasts’ as one such condition that is often correlated with being a woman, there are plenty of women without breasts in the world: trans women without breasts, cis women who have had double mastectomies, and so on. Hale also notes that his list is not entirely exhaustive: there’s always the possibility that this list will be added to in future. I’d highly recommend you look at it if you’re after your “undeniable” “woman’s experience”.Next I’m going to look at your claim that “an MTF trans person doesn’t experience those for most of their life.” This entirely constructs a similar narrative for trans women and entirely disregards the possibility that such a person was raised by understanding and supportive parents from a young age and grew up as a girl from an early age. Whatever your argument about ‘transracial’, it’s clear that you already have a reductive understanding of womanhood and a transgender experience. Such forces and experiences that play into gender interact in ways far more complex than what you’ve detailed above. I also want to point out here that you’ve failed to describe how the arguments above apply to trans men: that is to say a trans man who transitions in his late twenties in the western world will probably experience all of what you label as the “woman experience”, and yet they are men. The argument you present is typical of the considerations ‘transracial’ arguments operate with. They are often circulated by people with a vested transmisogynistic interest as a “gotcha!” designed to portray trans women as either dangerous or ridiculous. As a result they are designed to eliminate any shred of transgender voices. What is implicit in the argument you’ve laid out is that 1. trans women aren’t women and 2. trans men are. The argument fails completely to consider how a trans person articulates their own understandings which often run contrary to the line of argument. I urge you to consider how this argument is made and what purposes it serves. Is it an honest exploration of the workings of gender and race or is there a bias or a motive driving the ‘logic’ of the argument.On to the ‘transracial’ aspect of your argument. I hope so far I have managed to draw your attention to the implicit biases given in the argument, as well as the levels of complexities you have yet to acknowledge. Much of the same can be said about how you present race in the argument.First of all, I’d like to draw your attention that considerations of being perceived as a different race is a reality faced by many white-passing people of colour and many mixed-race people who live through this daily. It is a consideration that has been often articulated and is still often articulated. If the argument was an earnest exploration of the shifting and transitory nature of the perception of people of colour in a racist society, would it not rather look at this aspect? If the argument was an honest exploration of the similarities and differences a construction of both racialised and gendered experiences, would it not center trans women of colour’s voices as they are best situated at this intersection of race and gender to experience this? Is it not suspicious that such an argument doesn’t do this? In fact, go read Franchesca Ramsey’s article on this for a black trans woman talking about it, and Riley’s arcticle, a black non-binary person who highlights:

Rachel Dolezal flat out lied about her life and her experiences, and not to protect herself, but to protect the benefits she received and the space she acquired through those lies. She lied to protect her privilege, a trait of white people and all privileged groups. Her life could have been the same had she merely remained the white woman she was. White people already devour space in Black communities as a bonus of their whiteness, but she chose to take her farce further, becoming a “Black” woman who happened to be indistinguishable from the party in power.There is no benefit to being transgender, and there is no harm, but there is every benefit and harm to a white person picking a less privileged race to join because white features are privileged in every race and identification has no effect on that.

(my emphasis added.)In addition to the points raised by Riley and Ramsey, I’d point out that the move to make a blind comparison between race and gender on the basis of “they are both experienced by people” or “they are both social constructs” “so why can’t x” is just so materially and historically off. There is no consideration in your given argument over the differences between race and gender. There is no consideration that racism was founded by a white ruling colonial class to dominate a colonised and enslaved population. Such a population had within it differently gendered and transgendered people. There is no consideration that this domination was a product of hundreds of years of a capitalism that needed a large white working class to carry out a sustained colonial project: a colonial project that is still in action across the world today. There is no consideration of the formation of gender and the nuclear family as a product of the division of labour enforced by capitalism and the ruling classes on the working classes.In effect, gender and race are two different things. They of course intersect, but the ways in which they operate are distinct and different. Reducing both down to a level that strips them of their actual effects and lived realities in order to further either a justification for a racist white woman exploiting black people or to further a ridicule and strawmanning of the transgender community is a shameful act of bigotry posing under a guise of logic and inquiry.

Check out our /tagged/transracial for more commentary. 

What's the difference(s?) between being GNC vs trans NB in your opinion??? I used to think they were very diff until i read about "you don't need dysphoria to be trans" discourse and also stories from dysphoric GNC ppl so is it like a matter of ideology?

There is a lot that goes into this, so this will be a very long reply... but yes, ideology is deeply soaked into it, although it's not only because of that, I think. So like, okay, first off, you probably know I come from a radfem perspective, but then I also take into consideration things that radfem in general may disagree with if I find it to be logical or making sense enough. So my opinions are more so rooted in what I personally think is logical and makes sense, as well as facts, which just so happens to mostly align with radfem, rather than being truly rooted in radfem.

That said, however, this particular topic is not so much based on scientific facts (as there's just not much established science to go on here) but more so on anecdotal evidence and my own logical conclusions of that.

Not sure where to start, but there are several different "ways" to "validate" the existence of nonbinary, if you feel ever so inclined. One is by understanding that a nonbinary person who's dysphoric has the same legitimacy to identify outside of the sex they were born as, as "binary" trans people, and if their dysphoria is atypical enough, that it also makes sense for them to not wanna identify as the opposite sex either.

That is probably the simplest way to view nonbinary as different from being gnc, by simply applying the same logic to them as you would to differentiate butch/masc women from trans men, or feminine men from trans women: their sex dysphoria is the defining factor, not how they dress/act.

And how to then differentiate nonbinary from "binary" trans, is that the nonbinary dysphoria is often atypical in nature. That generally means the person may be dysphoric about only some of their sex characteristics, but not all (for example a dysphoric nb may have discomfort towards their chest and voice, but not their genitals or their curves/lack of curves) - but it can also mean that the dysphoria is towards all of their sex characteristics but the desire is to look "sex neutral" instead of as the opposite sex. It can also be a combination of those. A third distinction is that their dysphoria may be fluctuating a lot. Like maybe they feel really uncomfortable with their sex for a certain amount of time, then love their bio sex, then again dysphoric. Basically any sex dysphoria that makes the person not feel like they "should" appear as the opposite sex entirely could be called atypical.

This is also NOT to say that "binary" trans people who opt out of for example genital surgery are nonbinary. It has to do with the intent/desire, what one's body would be ideally and how one interprets that ideal - not necessarily what they actually change with hormones/surgery in practice. Like for example there IS a difference between being okay with one's vagina and not wanting any surgery on it because neo-penis doesn't live up to one's desires, but still wishing they had an actual penis - and actually genuinely LOVING one's vagina and feeling strongly protective of keeping it as is, with no desire to have an actual penis, while still being dysphoric about other sexed aspects of one's body. However, that's also not saying trans men have to be dysphoric about their vaginas to count as "binary" - it has more to do with the individual's own interpretation of what their dysphoria means to them, and what being a man/woman/nonbinary means to them.

But there is more to it than that, which is what you call into question: the "you don't need dysphoria to be trans." This is where it gets tricky, anecdotal and a little whimsical.

Many are sceptical of that notion, however most nonbinary people are not. Ideology does absolutely go into this. The sceptical ones tend to be (or lean) transmedicalist/truscum, or in rarer cases radfem, while those who don't think you need dysphoria to be trans tend to be (or lean) tucute/sjw/libfem. And I too am more than just fairly sceptical of this... However, I have found one argument which I'm considering... plausible, for considering non-dysphoric trans to be a possibility.

That argument is: gender incongruence without marked distress.

This is where shit gets complicated, so I'll try to explain it as well as I can, and then you can make your own opinion on if there's any legitimacy to it, or look into it further if you wish. I'm not here to attempt to change your opinion in any way. I'm only sharing what made me reconsider the notion that dysphoria is necessary to be trans. What you do with that info, is entirely up to you, and I honestly don't even care about holding it against you, or anyone else, for that matter. I just wanted to clarify that, in case this comes off as me trying to shove a weird ass argument down your throat, as that is absolutely not my intention by any means. You're absolutely free to call bullshit on this.

Alright, before I dig into it, I first have to raise the question "what is gender/sex dysphoria?" and answer it: My understanding of what this type of dysphoria is, is that it's not only wishing your body looked different and to be read as the opposite sex (or both/neither sex) but it's categorised as marked distress/strong discomfort towards your body's sex. This is important, so try to remember that.

I used to think that's all there is to feeling like you're not capable/willing to live with your body/gender* as it is naturally. However, I then started talking to a few transsexual MtF's and FtM's who happily medically transitioned... without dysphoria, and their stories puzzled me, but they also intrigued me. Thus, I listened with an open mind.

(*I should probably explain my view on what gender is, but very briefly: I consider it a personal interpretation of one's experiences with anything gendered and/or sexed. So it's a subjective perception and personal conclusion, more so than a feeling, similar to how "feeling cold" regardless of actual temperature is perception and a conclusion of how your mind and body responds to the temperature, and not an actual feeling like happiness or anger, nor is it objective fact. "Gender" can also simply be "I wish I was male but in fact I'm female. Thus I intepret my gender as man" without even including gender norms at all, but literally only focusing on sex. I personally conclude my own gender by my bio sex and my sex characteristics (including transitioned/desired ones) only, but I also accept the former definition for others just fine.)

Then I started also analysing my own dysphoria and noticed that it's not really a one big solid thing happening, but different aspects that together make me come to the conclusion that "I'm not comfortable looking/being clearly female, I feel a deep internal desire to look/be partially male, thus transitioning is alluring to me."

Split apart it's more like this: 1.) The first aspect is a strong discomfort with certain aspects of being physically female (I mean in the past before I transitioned, to clarify.) 2.) The second aspect is a strong desire for those aspects of my body to instead be male (again, only applicable in the past tense, as those aspects of my body now are appearing male.) 3.) The third aspect is what is the social result of what my sexed body appears like, meaning people read me as a man or woman based on what sex my body looks like, which is a direct reminder of what I look like (negative pre-transition, positive post-transition.)

The third aspect is generally what's considered "social dysphoria" and generally is considered a result of physical/sex dysphoria, than a stand alone thing. Some disagree with this, however. Many trans people split their experience of dysphoria into "social" and "sex/physical" as it's very common to experience both. However, both the first and second (as listed above, to clarify) aspects are together what most people only recognise as simply "sex/physical dysphoria" without really paying attention to that there are TWO aspects of it. One which pushes you away from your actual sex, and the other which pulls you towards the opposite sex (or both/neither.)

And here's where shit gets interesting... What if a person only has one of those two aspects of physical/sex dysphoria?

Meaning, they either feel discomfort about their physical sex, but lack the desire to instead appear more like the opposite, or both/neither sex (just discomfort, no desire) - or they have the desire to appear like the opposite, both or neither sex, but lack the discomfort towards their actual physical sex (just desire, no discomfort.)

The former point, feeling discomfort without desire, arguably is not "really" gender dysphoria, but something more along the lines of body dysmorphia/poor body image. That, however, is only my personal, unprofessional opinion. As most shit I say is, lol.

That latter point, however: Having the desire to appear like the opposite, both or neither sex, but lacking the discomfort towards one's actual physical sex - is basically what is considered experiencing gender incongruence, but without actual dysphoria.

So then what is gender incongruence? Typically it's part of gender dysphoria as a whole: it being sex dysphoria, gender incongruence, social dysphoria, and if/when alleviated: gender euphoria. If you have all those aspects then it's not really important to consider the incongruence aspect separately. However, what gender incongruence is, is basically just feeling like you should be of the other sex (or both/neither.) So, it's basically just the "desire" aspect of what's generally considered the concept of "gender dysphoria" as a whole. Except, without distress... dysphoria is not dysphoria.

Whether it's actually possible to have gender incongruence without dysphoria, I think is very difficult to say. However, what I struggle to de-legitimise is: if someone is transitioned (especially medically) and happy with the result, but what drove them to transition in the first place was a desire without distress. So what I actually consider to be "trans" is not necessarily "dysphoric person" but rather anyone who is happily transitioned, or know they would be happier transitioned, regardless of what drives/drove them to transition in the first place - as well as dysphoric people who don't wish to transition and/or detransitioned.

One thing I find compelling about this "incongruence without dysphoria" argument is that this is not actually a new thing.

I spoke to an older trans man (in his 50's) who transitioned back in the 90's and said outright that he never experienced dysphoria, yet he's (by his own words) satisfied with his transition. He's a fairly known and I guess "famous" trans activist in Sweden, and also hangs out in the same fb group as me, apparently. So I exchanged a few words with him on the topic of dysphoria. Although he didn't call his experience "gender incongruence" that's kinda what he seemed to imply. I've also talked to an older trans woman who also transitioned decades ago and also firmly stated and explained she never experienced dysphoria, yet is happily transitioned. Then I've also heard the same sentiment from a few younger trans people.

But in total, I've heard about it from less than 5 trans people, and all I have is that anecdotal info.

But then the thing is that they were all medically transitioned. They "prove" to me that they're trans by simply being satisfied with their transitions. So whether they had dysphoria or not is not actually important in hindsight. What matters is that they're satisfied with how they changed their bodies. Because when it comes to most "non-dysphoric" nonbinary people out there, they don't even wish to transition medically at all. And that is different. Are all of them legitimate cases just like the "non-dysphoric" yet happily transitioned trans men and women I've talked to? No, probably not. I mean, let's be honest.

Nonbinary is (no matter how much a legit thing for some, also) a hype/trend and very many do absolutely try to identify out of misogyny, sexist gender norms, sexual trauma, etc, by picking up the nonbinary label. Some of them experience body discomfort vaguely related to their sex traits, but it's not actually gender dysphoria, or whatever it is, transitioning would probably not be the best solution for them. I think it's important to keep in mind that the culture around nonbinary identities is to not ever question their identities and that any kind of "invalidating" is considered a horrible hate crime, to them.

That attitude is a recipe for validating people who are not actually trans, but suffer from gender in other ways. And I don't think we should forget or dismiss that. I don't think there's much harm in them simply carrying a nonbinary label and some odd set of pronouns - but letting every single nonbinary identified person jump on hormones and surgery would be a very terrible idea, and when it comes to that identity specifically, I'd be VERY, very careful, as they seem more likely to disregard the possibly negative outcomes of medical transition and then end up devastated, as many of them disregard dysphoria, and often logic and reason altogether... where as "binary" trans people, although not at all without doubt and detrans rates, tend to be at least a little bit more careful and educated.

That said, however... I have heard from ONE nonbinary person who very nicely explained their experience of basically gender incongruence without dysphoria, and they were also happily medically transitioning. They were also older and seemed mature and emotionally stable. So, I'm at least open to the possibility that some nonbinary people can be satisfied with transition without gender dysphoria, and thus, I'd personally count them as trans. It's a youtuber so I could probably link that video in which they explained it, if I can find it from my huge playlist of "favourites" to which I'm pretty sure I added it. I found that video through Blaire White making a rant video about how the nb person was only transitioning for attention. Valid concern, but erh, I think she made an incorrect assertion, in that particular case.

Anyhow, I do worry that this whole argument of "incongruence without dysphoria" very easily becomes a slippery slope of... basically people transitioning for shits and giggles, or because they have a bad self image and just really badly hope the grass will be greener on the other side, which is why I'm still very hesitant to give it credit, and at this point I'm still only considering it plausible.

One thing worth noting is that some transmeds actually think that having incongruence without dysphoria counts as a form of dysphoria, but that is in fact not the medically established definition of gender dysphoria. "Dysphoria" in and of itself literally means "abnormal depression and discontent" so taking the distress aspect out of gender dysphoria is going against its very definition. So that's quite some intellectual dishonesty, that some transmeds are willing to admit that some trans people don't have dysphoria, but without actually admitting it, because that would go against their ideology.

I also think that it's foolish to say that every trans person who is happily transitioned "must" have been dysphoric, because we can't actually know that. We have not actually heard every single trans person's reason for why they transitioned. We can only assume that it was probably because of dysphoria, because that is the (most, or only) logical reason for wanting to transition in the first place, and for being satisfied with one's transition in the long run. That is not enough to make the claim that ALL happily transitioned trans people MUST have experienced dysphoria, which means there is and always has been a possibility that you may not actually need dysphoria to be trans, even if it's the most common reason.

I think it's important to at least be open to listen to especially happily transitioned people's experiences when they don't align with our beliefs on what makes someone trans. They might be wrong about what their inner experiences with gender actually mean (as in they might have had dysphoria but were unaware that's what their experience was, or they might not actually be all that happy with having transitioned) - and we might be wrong about that gender dysphoria being the only thing that could make a person satisfied with transition.

So like... keep using those critical thinking skills, even after you think you know the truth ;)

Have I really answered your question, though? I'm not sure, but basically: trans nb generally means that your self-interpretation of your gendered experience as a whole (meaning how you RELATE to being male/female, feminine/masculine, considered a man/woman, etc, not if you are gnc per se) does not match your own interpretation of what it means to be either "fully" a man or "fully" a woman. Which is what gets watered down to the chanted phrase "nb means not identifying as either fully male or female."

So, how is that different from just being gnc? In some cases, it actually isn't. Some really do think that rejecting gender norms is what makes them nb, and in those cases, I won't personally consider them trans or truly nonbinary. But what matters (I think) is that there are also nb people who base it on sex dysphoria, and/or gender incongruence as thoroughly explained above, and I think there is at least some legitimacy to those reasons.

Then how gnc gets in the picture for those latter two reasons is pretty simple: For the same reason most trans men are masculine: to more easily blend in among men in society, as masculinity can in some cases help with passuing as male when you're female (and vice versa for femininity and passing as female for males.) That is sadly due to the reinforcement of masculinity as being "intended for men" and femininity as being "intended for women" which causes many people to subconsciously connect femininity with femaleness and masculinity with maleness, and many also confuse those things.

Ever heard a woman say that her having breasts is a "feminine" trait, for example? Yeah, no, it's not. That's her confusing femininity for what's actually a female trait. However, having large breasts can be considered "more feminine" than having small or no breasts, due to how society views gender, but that does not mean that large-breasted females are inherently "more feminine" than small-breasted ones, or those who don't have breasts, because that's really just a natural variation of femaleness.

That's an example of how femaleness easily gets blurred with femininity, and vice versa masculinity gets equally blurred with maleness, with for example beards and deep voices. Because the feminine and masculine archetypes do also include certain female and male body types. This is why I view my transitioned features from testosterone as male features rather than as masculine ones, because I can more easily differentiate what is SEXED from what's GENDERED, than probably most people, mostly due to my rather unusual upbringing. Thus, "binary" trans people can take advantage of that societal confusion and blur the lines between being perceived as masculine vs male (or feminine vs female for MtF) because the gender norms are so ingrained. Of course it doesn't always work in favour for trans people (hence non-passing trans men being seen as butches, and trans women seen as drag queens) but it CAN fool the eye to some extent.

Then, as for nonbinary people and androgynous gender expression: androgyny has often, historically been confused with... well, I may fail to put this delicately, but yeah basically having certain intersex conditions, which have been poorly understood throughout history as "hermaphrodites" and other harmful shit. Androgyny, meaning a combination of feminine and masculine, can thus be used to a nonbinary person's advantage (at least in theory) to attempt to confuse others to see them as either a combination of male and female (similar to false representations of certain intersex conditions, which I want for everyone to know that I absolutely abhor) or as sexless, basically.

(Just a sidenote for clarification of gnc: being "gnc" is in and of itself a form of androgyny, in either the combination of "feminine + masculine" or "feminine + male" or "masculine + female" but when it comes to binary vs nonbinary types of gender expression, I think it's important to differentiate the degree of gender non-conformity being expressed. I vaguely differentiate "androgynous" from "fem male" and "masc female" here and I hope you know what I mean. It's not to make more unnecessary boxes, but just for the sake of argument. Kinda like a gnc lesbian is not necessarily a butch, but a butch is definitely a gnc lesbian, if that makes sense.)

Does androgyny have that same "confusion effect" as masculinity and femininity, though? Not really, in practice. Fewer are fooled by it, largely because "androgynous agender/bigender" (neither gender/both genders) is not an established social gender category like "feminine woman" and "masculine man" are, but is more like a fantasy concept. Also most people will automatically want to figure out if someone is male or female, which makes it extra hard for nb people to actually be viewed as... not that. So "androgyny as expression for sexlessness/both sexes at once" mostly only works in theory, but that is (or can be) the intent behind a nonbinary person's androgynous style, as it can still offer some mental relief even if the outcome is sadly not aligned with the intent.

(Metaphor time: You know, like sometimes I wanna bake a nice looking cake, but it turns out looking like sad poop, but that's okay, because it still tastes good. Meaning, the outcome didn't match my intent, but the outcome was still good enough to enjoy.)

So basically: trans nb people may not be nb because they're gnc, but be gnc because they're nb. Just like many trans men tend to be masc because they're ftm, not ftm because they're masc. So the difference between gnc and nb is in the intent. I think that's the best way I can explain that distinction.

(Also last sidenote: anyone reading this transitioning because you're masc/fem/gnc... PLEASE reconsider that, I urge you!)

OK, I'LL TELL YOU YOU ABOUT COMPANIES

Maybe not all the way to succeed is through following the rules. Raising money decreases the risk of failure.1 It would be pretty straightforward to make a few people think in our insular little Web 2.2 If you want to take longer, of course; when parents do that sort of thing? Why is it that research can be done by any sufficiently rich private citizen. So the best plan would be to try it. If half the startups we fund succeed, then half of you are going to get: either part of a study.3 Sure, go off and get jobs or go to grad school in the fall the startup reads to everyone as a programmer. That would be an extraordinary bargain.4 Another reason parents don't want their kids having sex is that they get paid by getting their capital back, ideally after the startup IPOs, or failing that when it's acquired. When a man runs off with his secretary, is it always partly his wife's fault?

He knows what happened in Viaweb. It has always seemed to me the solution is to take fewer board seats.5 Of course, what shows up on the radar screen may be different from the one after the Internet Bubble. I've found myself nostalgic for the old days, you could presumably get them to stay is to give them enough that they're not tempted by an offer from Silicon Valley VCs that requires them to invest large amounts, and a large class of startups that cause stampedes end up flaming out in extreme cases, partly as a way to make viewers watch TV synchronously instead of watching recorded shows when it suited them. Many students feel they should wait and get a job. Parents know they've concealed the facts about sex, and many at some point, either when you graduate they don't give you a list of all the startups they'd invested in.6 So why shouldn't undergrads be able to say they were funded by Sequoia, even if they don't hit it, they've failed in the only thing that mattered, and you feel you have to understand the forces driving it. You can see the desktop is over. The popular image of a visionary. I suspect they'd have a hard time enforcing this, but that's because it's so important. If anything oversensitive.

Along with such outright lies, there must have been told a lot of people, but in fact it will have near zero effect on Boston when we were based there half the year.7 If you made something no better than GMail, but fast, that alone would let you start to pull users away from GMail.8 But eventually the open source world won, by producing Javascript libraries that grew over the brokenness of Explorer the way a startup feels is at least a roller coaster and not drowning. When it comes to deals, you have to be a large tumor.9 Why isn't there a parallel VC industry that invests in ordinary companies in return for the money? Then you'd really be in good shape. So if it seems too good to be true to think you could grow a local silicon valley by giving startups $15-20k each like Y Combinator there, but it's often frustrating at 15.

But there is no secret cabal making it all work. I thought I was ready to question everything I knew.10 The second will be easier. Till about 2002 you could safely misinterpret it as promising that clock speeds would double every 18 months.11 Raising money is the better choice, because new technology is usually more valuable now than later.12 Acquirers too, while we're at it. 1-n Whenever you're trading stock in your company for something that more than doubles the company's average outcome, you're net ahead.13

Whereas a 25 year old over the 32 year old. They'll edge gradually into a different business without realizing it. If you want to learn what lies are told to kids, the most common reason they give is to protect them.14 As long as you've made something that a few months ago we replaced it with an iMac bolted to the wall. That's an extreme example, of course; when parents do that sort of narrow focus can be. So at the last moment. After we fund startups we work closely with them for three months—so closely in fact that we insist they move to where we are. If you're going to be when you grow up.

I were you I'd look for the people who would have responded to the spam. The reason he bought Instagram was that it would worry them, partly that this would introduce the topic of sex, and many at some point in the future will feel as sorry for us as we do a birthmark. What is it about startups that makes other companies want to buy them?15 Better or worse, it's happening. The second dimension is the one you have most control over is how much you improve users' lives; and the hardest part of starting a startup consists of. You can't use euphemisms like didn't go anywhere. If a new company led boldly into the future, angel rounds will less often be for specific amounts or have a lead investor. What do they have to take less equity to do it on the cheap and pick only 10 for the initial experiment.

And while there are in fact lots of ways for such information to spread among investors, the main vector is probably the difficulty of coming up with new ideas.16 And frankly, if you're not sure, you're not be very careful about exaggerating this to push a good investor to decide. Investors don't like trying to predict how the startups we've funded. Whether you end up among the living or the dead comes down to the third ingredient, not giving up. Sam Altman did. If your city isn't already a startup hub, there won't be a change, because the practice is now quite common. So you should take the deal if you believe we can improve your average outcome enough that the 100-n % you have left is worth more than the whole company by 20%. Sam Altman has it.17

Notes

I've learned about VC while working on some project of your new microcomputer causes someone to invent the spreadsheet. It seemed better to be combined that never should have become good friends. When investors ask you to agree.

Actually it's hard to mentally deal with the New Deal but with World War II to the ideal of a severe-looking man with a wink, to the minimum you need to run a mile in under 4 minutes.

The air traffic control system works because planes would crash otherwise.

Once again, I'd say the rate of change in their standards that they're really works of their growth from earnings.

Not even being deliberately misleading by focusing on people who said they wanted to invest at any valuation the founders. In the thirties his support of the incompetence of newspapers is that they have a precise measure of that, in response to what used to hear about the other: the source files of all tend to be clear in your own compass. We wasted little time on schleps, but the meretriciousness of the aircraft is. The bias toward wisdom in this respect as so many trade publications nominally have a single project is a trailing indicator in any other field, and it has to be younger initially we encouraged undergrads to apply, and the older you get paid much.

Several people have responded to this day, thirty years later Jim Ryun ran a 3 million cap, but they start to feel guilty about it. The New Yorker. Hypothesis: Any plan in which case immediate problem solved, or b to get fossilized. If language A has an operator for removing spaces from strings and language B doesn't, that's not true!

Bullshit in the sciences, even if our competitors hate most? Even as late as Newton's time it filters down to you.

Robert Morris says that clothing brands favored by urban youth do not do this would do for a long thread are rarely seen, so I may try to be clear. If a man has good corn or wood, or at least prevent your beliefs about how to value potential dividends. Max also told me about a related phenomenon: he found it easier for some reason, rather than ones they capture. But what he means by long shots.

Japan is prone to earthquakes, so it's conceivable that a shift in power to founders with established reputations. Many will consent to b rather than just getting kids to be low.

Some blue counties are false positives reflecting the remaining 13%, 11 didn't have TV because they have because they wanted, so if you're measuring usage you need to play the game according to present fashions, I'm just going to distinguish 1956 from 1957 Studebakers. Mueller, Friedrich M. Stir vigilantly to avoid that.

I'm going to get them to represent anything. The expensive part of creating an agreement from scratch.

Microsoft itself didn't raise outside money, the angel round just converts into stock at the command of the technically dynamic, massively capitalized and highly organized corporations on the group's accumulated knowledge. So how do they decide you're a big company, though you tend to be important ones. In my current filter, dick has a significant effect on the summer of 1914 as if having good intentions were enough to incorporate a prediction of quality in the Sixteenth and Seventeenth Centuries, Oxford University Press, 1973, p.

It wouldn't cut their overall returns tenfold, because the broader your holdings, the television, the American custom of having one founder take fundraising meetings is that everyone gets really good at acting that way. What I'm claiming with the issues they have zero ability to change. Wolter, Allan trans, Duns Scotus ca.

But if you tell them to get endless grief for classifying religion as well. That's the difference directly. Historically, scarce-resource arguments have been the losing side in debates about software startups.

Security always depends more on not screwing up than any preceding president, he was notoriously improvident and was soon to reap the rewards.

Articles of this: You may not even in their graphic design, or at least for those founders.

Companies didn't start to feel uncomfortable. If all the rules with the exception of the x company, though sloppier language than I'd use to develop server-based applications.

 Exhibition Proposals: the Basics (in progress)

Who is involved? Describe your intended work

Eleanor Díaz Ritson -

I will make large, water-based oil paintings on suspended, ‘patchwork’ cotton duck canvas. Painted tapestries (2 artworks: 98.4 x 120 cm each).  I use a non-traditional oil painting style, influenced by raw material, charcoal drawings , woodcuts, and other traditionally water-based media. I am a figurative painter, representing my own image to communicate through gesture and expression. 

I explore sociality as a land-space-place; the tangible body as land, and the intangible social culture as space–place. In this way, the outward expressions of force applied in social interactions are likened to the movements of energy that sculpt geological land-bodies. Through evolutionary ‘deep time’, our social interactions sculpt our bodies and minds too. 

She exists in an interior landscape. A space where She is: 

Dew dripped mountain crag. Squelching, slimy swamp. Beaten and carved cavity. Patient, molten core.

Rippling ash cloud. Salt scarred cliff face. Frozen and glistening glacial shard.

Ruby Wilkinson - 

I intend to make paintings from memories, learning more about the unconscious. Memories are constantly changing, moving and evolving in people’s minds; creating endless false realities and recollections. I want to make work about social interactions, experiences, encounters and moments I have personally experienced in my life. 

Two large scale paper drawings, 150cm x 100 cm. Using abstract drawing techniques combined with paint manipulation of paper there will be a balance of chance and control.

Steph Arrowsmith - 

I intend to create large- scale prints which float in the space between figuration and abstraction and subvert traditional processes of image reproduction. I am exploring the potential for the prints being integrated with strange acid- etched sculptural metal frames. 

I am influenced presently by early print imagery which depicts dark religious fantasies of apocalypse and doomsday, and the artificial realities constructed through reproduced colonial imagery of endemic avifauna, flora and landscape. I want to explore ideas around the fragile and intricate biosphere in the in-between space of devastating degradation and utopic regeneration,  phenomena and noumena, and ghosts of past and apparitions of future coexisting as unseen undercurrents of accepted material reality. 

Trantham Gordon - 

The work that I intend to continue working through explores the redevelopment of image and SPACE. The sculptural object contains the tools to create a reconstruction of the world surrounding it, as the surroundings contain movement, so in turn, does the image. 

In reality this object is a camera (built out of several cameras amongst other technologies). 

The use of these technologies create a pulsating energy -through delay and feedback loops- which imbue into the image a warmth and life - a result that stands apart from the puppeteering and facade of life created by animation.

I am influenced by a continued exploration of our understandings of SPACE and LINE and IMAGE as well as the existence of time within an artwork. The final work should be able to reproduce a moving image of the world in front of it whilst commenting on the deconstruction and reconstruction of the image shown and seen. 

Christian Dimick - 

I intend to make medium scale conceptual drawings on wood panel. Through using a range of direct mediums such as oil stick, charcoal and found object I aim to dictate personal idiosyncrasies of perception and memory. The starting point for these drawings is always walking, which translates into experimental documentitive language and then finds its way into a visual form. I am infl]uenced by other artists/writers who use walking as a means of understanding space, time and connecting narrative with objects such as Susan Solint, Richard Long and Stanley Brouwn.  

What is the concept for the exhibition? What ideas does it explore, what are its reference points?

Our exhibition could be seen as the creation of a materially represented limbo, a between space neither here nor there, in which time and material solidity loses its hold on accepted perceptions of reality. Memories of past and apparitions of future intermingle in a strange fog. The exploration of this space between nothing and something echoes and amplifies the seething atmosphere of this moment of existence, in which we seem to gaze into a chasm, a darkness which could be full or empty, beneath feet run unutterable undercurrents which disrupt and destabilise.

 The work and the intended space cohabitate conceptually in symbiosis. The space is an entrance and exit point, a through- space, a solid, architectural in-between. We intend to explore unconventional lighting and installation , using the limitations of the non- gallery space as an opportunity to break with convention and influence what we create. This space is the mouth to the vast expanse of the great hall, which will be empty and filled with darkness. The acoustics of this space create a dense silence which will be a potent atmospheric facet. 

                     Trantham:  Space, time, movement, object, line, light. 

Christian:   Space, time, movement, object, perception, memory.

Steph:         Space, time, movement, land, energy, degradation, regeneration, creature.

Eleanor:     Space, time, movement, land, energy, sociality, figure, eternal. 

Ruby:          Space, time, movement, sociality, memory. 

UNDESCRIED

Definition: not descried; not discovered; not seen.

Examples:

1. It seemed to the man and woman that they were the only living things in the world, its people, its sounds, its interests, were in some undescried distance where life progressed with languid pulses.

- The Emigrant Trail

2. Fade from suns to stars, from stars into darkness undescried.

- A Channel Passage and Other Poems Taken from The Collected Poetical Works of Algernon Charles Swinburne—Vol VI

 MOVEMENT

Definitions:

1. The act of moving in space; change of place or posture; motion.

2. Motion of the mind or feelings; emotion.

3. The suggestion or representation of motion in a painting, sculpture, or design.

4. A particular rhythmic flow of language (CADENCE a poem's movement).

 LACUNA

Definition:

1. An unfilled space; a cavity or depression; a gap.

2. A language gap, which occurs when there is no direct translation in the target language for a lexical term found in the source language.

Unseen/between spaces

Deconstruction and reconstruction

Layers/ undercurrents of reality

Individual perception

Sensorial perception

Quotes:

Henry Moore

“The mystery of the hole - the mysterious fascination of caves in hillsides and cliffs."

“One of the things I would like to think my sculpture has is a force, is a strength, is a life, a vitality from inside it, so that you have a sense that the form is pressing from the inside trying to burst or trying to give off strength from inside itself.”

"I admire most a disturbing element, a distortion, giving evidence of a struggle . . . . In great art, this conflict is hidden, it is unresolved. All that is bursting with energy is disturbing - not perfect."

“Turner can create almost measurable distances of space and air… The space he creates is not emptiness; it is filled with 'solid' atmosphere.”

W. J. T. Mitchell - Landscape and Power

“An empty space is not the same thing as an empty place. An empty place is filled with space, as if space were the negative void that rushes in when a place is vacated. It is the spectral absence that “fills” a hollow shell or a clearing in a forest.”

"Landscape exerts a subtle power over people, eliciting a broad range of emotions and meanings that may be difficult to specify. This indeterminacy of affect seems to be a crucial feature of whatever force landscape can have.”

“I aim to change “landscape” from a noun to a verb. (to describe an action, state, or occurrence) It asks that we think of landscape, not as an object to be seen or a text to be read, but as a process by which social and subjective identities are formed.”

Steph -

Bennet, Jane, ‘Vibrant Matter: A Political Ecology of Things’, 2009, Duke University Press

2009, 

Janet Frame ‘Owls Do Cry’, 1957

Böhme, Gernot, ’The Aesthetics of Atmospheres (Ambiances, Atmospheres and Sensory Experiences of Spaces)

Wynyard, Mathew, ‘Dairying, Dispossession, Devastation: Primitive Accumulation and the New Zealand Dairy Industry, 1814- 2018, Counterfutures 8, 2019, Rebel Press, Wellington

Eleanor -

de Certeau, Michel. The Practice of Everyday Life. University of California Press, 1984. 

Finn, David. As The Eye Moves… a Sculpture by Henry Moore. Words by Donald Hall. Henry Abrams Inc. Publishers, 1970, New York.

Langer, Susanne K. Feeling and Form, A Theory of Art. Routledge & Kegan Pail Limited, 1953, England. 

Lefebvre, Henri. The Production of Space. 1971. Translated by Donald Nicholas-Smith, Blackwell, 1991.

Mitchell, W. J. T, editor. Landscape and Power. The University of Chicago Press, 2002.

Parker, David. Myth and Landscape. Words by Marina Warner and Ibrahim al-Koni. Kehrer Verlag, 2014.

Fehr, E. & Gächter, S. 2002 Altruistic punishment in humans. Nature 415, 137-140. (doi:10.1038/415137a)

Jensen, K. 2010 Punishment and spite, the dark side of cooperation. Phil. Trans. R. Soc. B (2010) 365, 2635-2650. (doi:10.1098/rstb.2010.0146)

Ruby -  

Frichot, Hélène, ‘Olafur Eliasson and the circulation of affects and percepts in conversation’,2008

Moon So - Young, ‘Yun Hyong-Keun, retrospective abstract landscape of silence and sublime.’ 2018. Korean culture & arts

Böhme, Gernot, ‘Atmosphere, a basic concept of a New Aesthetic, In Atmospheric Architectures: The Aesthetics of Felt Spaces Chapter 1 pp 13 -35,’. (2017) 

Pallasmaa, Juhani, ‘The meaning of Atmosphere and mood’. 2016 

Trantham -

Arke, Pai. Nuugaarsuk alias Hulkamerafotografi alias Pointen (Nuugaarsuk alias Pinhole Camera Photograph alias The Point), 1990, silver/ gelatine on baryte paper print of Nuugaarsuk Point, Narsaq, 49.5 x 59.5 cm; collection of Brandts Museet for Fotokunst, Odense.

Alÿs, Francis. Bolero (Shoe Shine Blues), 2008. Video Work and Installation

Lefebvre, Henri. The Production of Space. 1971. Translated by Donald Nicholas-Smith, Blackwell, 1991.

Bachelard, Gaston. The Poetics of Space. 1954. Translated by Maria Jolas, Beacon Press, 1994.

https://sites.evergreen.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/88/2015/05/Gaston-Bachelard-the-Poetics-of-Space.pdf

Mariana Bisti, Future Proof, 2015. Performance Piece

Christian - 

Art In America: ‘Provisional Painting’, Raphael Rubinstien, 2009

Susan Solint, ‘A Field Guide to Getting Lost’, published 2006 Donald Judd, ‘Specific Objects’,  Donald Judd: Early Work, 1955-1968, New York: D.A.P., 2002.

Images: what might be shown, conceptual drawings of what the exhibition might look like…

Identify the site for the exhibition and whether secured or aspirational. How does the site relate to the concept for the exhibition?

We are all making primarily wall-based, large scale works. This means we require a spacious exhibition area. We recognise all work as boldly individual, while supporting and enriching one another’s expressions through our various perspectives and interpretations.  

First Choice: Block 10 Great Hall (10B09)

This space ties together our overarching concepts around sensory and individual perception in relation to space/place/time. The group wanted to use a space that pushed our practices out of the standard gallery setting, in our case the space becomes part of each of our works as they respond to its unique qualities such as size, lighting, reverberation and ambience. 

Second Choice: 10A19 This space is also suitable for our group as it is large enough to fit all of our works.

 How will the team work? Are there any organising principles? Are there prescribed roles/duties or are you organising yourselves in a different way? 

We have no defined ‘leader’, instead we are supporting each other in sharing organisation tasks throughout the process. Concurrently we will  work independently on our own projects,  while frequently communicating our progress and artwork developments to one other.

A timeline: what needs to be done and by when?

Once we have secured an exhibition space, we will be able to plan further (layout, lighting, install).

In the meantime we will continue to work independently.

All works will be completed and ready to be installed before exhibition night (Friday 11 September). 

TEXT FOR EXHIBITION DOCUMENT 

Ruby 

Forge the doctor note to get the night off work. Drive in silence. The car knows where to go. It drives so smoothly in fact it’s almost floating now. Bottle it up one more time and leave no residue until the final destination is reached. Listen to the noise and notice the patterns, Listen to the layers of skin. There is a warehouse filled with ammonium nitrate (2750 tonnes). Untangle the inner threads. Do not feel the need to explain yourself today they will understand. Put some lemon on the crumbed fish and allow the sand to fill up under your fingernails for protection. Share the space you have created but allow it to be tampered. Think about the lotto today, Call your mother. Prepare the surface for one week and allow it to breathe before applying the layers. Think about it again and again. Apply the layer of milk, Let the milk fill the void of silence. Relive the memory over and over in order to pay respect. Allow the memory to become distorted with the following factors; Schemas, Source amnesia, The misinformation effect, The hindsight bias, the overconfidence effect and confabulation. The arch will be there, swim within the milk.

 Watch the paroxysm from a distance.

Christian 

I step forward and open cognition, up two sets of stairs, under the lip of the earth. 

Slip into mandatory nostalgia,

listen to the resonance of air. 

Consolation in degradation, in memory afar. I step forward and open cognition, up hill ridges to watch the deep.

Having sympathy for surface, letting the hand relive the step.

Leave space for the solitary eye, but do not let it drag, keep moving. Locomote and arrangements will be made in the equilibrium. Represent singular impressions, 

And their histories, all marks made before. I step forward and open cognition. 

A Resource Masterpost

In class, we were given an assignment to pick a credible LGBTQIA+ resource and share it. This is a list of those resources and a brief description of each from said classmates. I will try to keep it as up to date as possible, as I collect more and more resources. Feel free to inbox me your own suggestions and I will gladly add them to the list! 

1) Youtube.com/ImFromDriftwood

The resource I'd like to share with the class is I'm From Driftwood. This YouTube channel is just a collection of queer stories from various people. I think this is an important resource because sometimes we think we already know everything about being queer. This resource provides many perspectives on queer issues that we may not encounter otherwise.

2) accreditedschoolsonline.org

The source linked below is the source I'd like to share with the class because in Thursday's lecture we briefly talked about the lack of on-campus resources for the LGBTQ+ community on campus. This is an accredited Higher Education resources providing helpful information as well as scholarship opportunities. 

3)  https://m.poets.org/poetsorg/lgbtq-poetry

 This is a pretty simple resource to get reading some great queer literature without getting bogged down by length or having to sift through difficult non-fiction pieces. While it isn't super expansive, I find it helpful to read things other than theory and non-fiction when talking about any group of people.

4) https://www.leurmag.com/   (particular to Louisiana) 

 This source is an Arts & Culture magazine for the LGBTQIA+ creative community. It is based out of Baton Rouge so it is a local resource. You can actually submit work to them and possibly be published.

5) glaad.org

My pick for a good LGBTQIA+ Resource is GLAAD.org. It's a pretty large organization run by lgbtqia+ people, and it focuses largely on media and the portrayal of lgbtq+ people. It's got a lot of articles and lists of resources to improve knowledge of the community, and publishes a lot of articles on current events concerned with the lgbtqia+ community. If one needs a place to start learning about the community, current issues, or good media that represents the community, this is a great place to start. 

6) hrc.org

My pick for a good LGBT Resource is https://www.hrc.org. It is an informative page that supports equal rights for all. I found it helpful because it is one of the largest organizations that supports equal rights and educates the public on LGBT issues. The organization offers many opportunities for members of LGBT community, such as support, fellowships, careers, internships, etc. A great resource that educates others and allows people to get involved. 

7)  itgetsbetter.org

 I think this was a great organization that helps the youth in today’s society come out and as well as other to accept and understand the LGBTQ community! It has videos sharing inspirational videos that I think everyone should watch! This is a wonderful source for people to explore and have a heart warming experience!

8) http://www.apa.org/topics/lgbt/index.aspx

The American Psychological Association has some interesting articles on LGBTQ+ studies. There is a lot of information and links to other resources. They even have some articles in Spanish! I think it is important to approach our coursework from a psychological perspective—but that could just be the scientist in me!

9)  http://www.lib.berkeley.edu/MRC/GayVid2.html

I'm attaching a digital encyclopedia of LGBT representation in film. The list isn't super up to date but it's still a great resource. And if, anyone is interested in queer representation on the big screen check out The Celluloid Closet. There's a book and a documentary based on the book.

10) gertrudepress.org

 The online resource that I find helpful for understanding LGBTQ+ Studies is Gertrude Press. It is an online literary Journal that publishes fiction, poetry, essays, interviews and book reviews that relate to relevant LGBTQ+ topics. Gertrude Press also hosts chapbook contests. I think Gertrude Press is a wonderful resource for English 445 because this publication, which has firmly established itself as a LGBTQ+ literary journal and press, has recently allowed writers to submit work "that is not LGBTQ+ specific." The press is attempting, with this submission policy, to bridge the "gaps" that exist between the many social communities by providing a platform for these diverse communities to publish together, talk together, work together, and learn together. 

11)  www.glreview.org

 My pick as a helpful resource is The Gay and Lesbian Review Worldwide: A Bimonthly Magazine of History, Culture and Politics. The magazine publishes a variety of articles that revolve around LGBTQ history and culture. I find it helpful, because the content is academic and professional and have used a number of articles from past editions as sources for my essays and stories. On the main page, the editors of the website have a word block of tags, sizing the number of topics, forms of writing, and themes they have published in the past. The tags that are the largest, at the time of this posting, are “Review” (938), “Essays” (538), and “Politics: GLBT Rights” (130). I think the class will find it helpful as a potential resource for their projects when they need scholarly material focusing on LGBTQ.

12)  thetrevorproject.org

A great suicide prevention organization to help LGBTQ+ youth. 

a) Trevor Lifeline 866-488-7386 Available 24/7 Free

b) TrevorText Text the word “Trevor” to 1-202-304-1200 Available Thursday and Friday 4 p.m. to 8 p.m. ET Standard messaging rates apply

c) TrevorChat Enter the online portal on The Trevor Project’s website. Available 7 days a week, 3 p.m. to 9 p.m. ET Free

13) youtube.com/buzzfeedyellow

You can find a variety of LGBTQ+ videos from Buzzfeed online, especially on Youtube. They aren’t all great, but some of them are based off of interviews with real LGBTQ+ people, and I really like these because you are getting information directly from other members of the community. 

14) PFLAG.org 

PFLAG - Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays - is an organization with the purpose first and foremost of supporting the LGBTQ+ community. They have chapters in major cities everywhere, and it is a great place for your family or friends to go if they are having trouble with or need a place to start with being a good ally, and they do a lot in terms of supporting the actual queer community itself. The nearest local chapter to me holds conferences where queer organizations from all over the state gather to discuss problems/issues, hardships, and solutions to help the queer community. They also offer a variety of scholarships to help lgbtq+ students through college, and can offer a great support system in general. 

15) https://www.translifeline.org/

Highly important link here - the first suicide hotline specifically for trans folks. Trained counselors are on the line to help 18 hours a day, 7 days a week.  (877) 565-8860  U.S. Number.   The Canadian line is  (877) 330-6366

16) https://www.ostem.org/crisis-hotlines 

this website is a great resource of lgbtqia+ crisis hotlines, including Trevor Project and Translifeline

17) http://www.transfaithonline.org/intersections/suicide/getting_help/

is another great resource for suicide prevention/hotline help

let’s talk about nonbinary identities and sexuality. in light of the recent discourse, i feel the need to explain this as simply and as concisely as i can.

i want to start with the fact that nonbinary people are entitled to their own identities, and if they feel that “straight” is a term that fits them well, that’s absolutely fine. i take no issue with that. what i am here today arguing against is the idea that binary identifiers work for nonbinary people as a whole.

first, let’s talk about the binary. the gender binary is a scale, sometimes described as a spectrum, that for our purposes will be described as a line. one end is male, and one end is female. nonbinary is neither of the binary ends. nonbinary people may be aligned with part of the binary, may slide between ends/sections of the binary, or may be completely separate from the binary scale. this means that binary identifiers really don’t work for nonbinary people.

so what are binary identifiers? the ones that may come to mind are straight, gay, and lesbian. but the truth is, some of these terms have more flexibility and tolerance for nonbinary people than others do. lesbian and gay, for example, have been defined by us on tumblr as attraction to the same or similar gender. the “similar” is the key here; it provides inclusivity for nonbinary people, sometimes those who are aligned with a binary gender. but that does not mean that they are that binary gender; that’s the whole point of nonbinary identities. straight, however, has never been defined in that way. straight has always meant attraction to the opposite gender.

now, opposites only exist on a binary scale. outside of the binary, there are no opposites. this fact is what i base my opinion on. how, exactly, can nonbinary people be defined as straight if there’s no opposite? they cannot. and this is what i am arguing. i am not standing against nonbinary people using heterosexuality to describe their attraction when they personally feel comfortable with that. what i am saying is that applying the binary to nonbinary people is a harmful generalization that fails to take into consideration the nuances of nonbinary identities. it’s inappropriate to claim that binary identifiers can be applied to nonbinary people as a whole, especially when there’s such a broad range of nonbinary identities that include non-alignment, lack of gender altogether, and fluid gender. there’s no opposite to any of that.

and that brings me back to the terms gay and lesbian. contrary to popular lesbophobic belief, non-aligned lesbians exist (better post about that). nonaligned people who identify as gay exist too. and their identities are their choice, but the point is, these terms have evolved to encompass more than simply binary attraction. straight, however, has not.

i find it incomprehensible that this argument has brought up beliefs that there are clear-cut opposites to nonbinary genders. yes, at first glance, demigirl might seem like the opposite of demiboy, but that’s an oversimplification. these identities don’t define any of the nuanced parts within them; demigenders imply binary alignment + Something Else, meaning that something else could be anything at all, with any type of alignment. (note: there are even nonbinary people who are aligned with both sides of the binary. there is no “opposite gender” to that! for example, there are demiboys that are woman-aligned and vice versa. one alignment doesn’t define your entire identity.) it’s impossible to even say that binary-aligned people attracted to opposite binary aligned people are straight, because binary alignment doesn’t mean binary. i may identify as male-aligned, but that does not mean i’m male or that my attraction to woman-aligned people can be necessarily defined as straight, especially because for many nonbinary people, binary alignment is only one part of their nonbinary identity. [about male-aligned nb people and privilege, since i know this will come up].

quick recap:

nonbinary people can identify as straight if they choose to, but that is an individual choice and binary terms should never be applied to nonbinary people without permission. 

arguing that binary terms can and should work to describe nonbinary attraction is, well, ridiculous, and for obvious reasons. 

finally, binary alignment is much more complicated than it’s being made out to be.

and all this is being argued against by hate2breakittoya, who has already expressed their transphobia and distaste for nonbinary people with a differing experience than their own through their definition of transgender as aligned with the opposite of one’s agab, and their interactions with borzboy, someone who thinks afab demigirls and amab demiboys are “cis-aligned” and can’t call themselves trans. to top it all off, h2b thinks demigenders are infantilizing and mogai-based: 1 . 2 . 3 . all in all, they aren’t really someone i would recommend listening to about the nuances of nonbinary genders, when they cannot even tolerate binary-aligned people defining themselves with different words.

i’ll say it again before i go: acting as if binary terms should be applicable to nonbinary people ignores the nuances and purpose of nonbinary identities. a single binary alignment doesn’t define much at all, and there is no opposite gender to nonbinary. binary opposites don’t exist off of the binary scale.