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smileysuh · 1 year

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Private Room : Nct 127

🌙 staring. nct 127 x afab!Reader

🔮 preview. “A lot has changed,” you admit. “Honestly- I never thought I’d take a break from cam shows once I started- never thought I’d be doing a solo show with a nct 127 private room- but here we are.”

cw/ tw. cam sex, solo cam room, masturbation, use of toys, multiple orgasms, dirty talk, praise, vibrator, dildo, overstim, etc...

👹 rating. 18+ explicit I wc. 3.6k

🍭 aus. cam girl reader, poly idols, idols sharing a fuck buddy, dirty boy idols, etc...

☀️ mlist + an. cam room directory here - after a long haitus, cam baby is back :) this is the first of 5 new chapters that will be coming out in the next few weeks :) stay tuned for all the angsty forbidden love that cambaby is low key known for

It’s been so long since you last did a cam show that you’re not sure who will even join, and the thought of an unsuccessful evening is what prompts you to message some of your most devoted fans.

Despite being on tour, you’re still in frequent contact with Johnny, Jaehyun and Haechan, so when you suggest a NCT 127 only camroom to the eldest of the three, it takes no time at all for him to run it by all his members and come back to you with a confirmation that eight of nine will tune in for your show.

“Everyone’s excited for another episode of our little cam baby,” Johnny tells you when he calls you before your start time. “The guys are getting a little agitated from our tour lasting so long- and I know Jae and Hyuck miss you-”

“What about you, John?” you toy, enjoying the taste of his legal name on your tongue. “Are you missing me yet?”

“I always miss you, baby.”

You can hear the grin in his voice, and your heart does summersaults in your chest, the way it always does when you talk to your most longstanding, loyal, and kind dominant.

“Miss you too,” you admit. “For more than just cam shows- although… well, you know I also miss being on camera with you.”

The last time you’d enjoyed Johnny infront of a live audience, it had been under the watchful eye of got7’s Jinyoung.

So much has happened since then-

“The guys are eager to hear what you’ve been up to,” Johnny tells you, pulling you from your thoughts. “I think they’ll like it that it’s just all of us- they can ask more personal questions.”

“Personal questions-” you echo, letting out an anxious laugh, “uh oh.”

“You don’t have to answer anything you don’t want to,” Johnny assures you. “Remember, you’re running the show, princess.”

“I’m running the show,” you repeat, allowing the words to calm you while you get set up with a tripod and your box of toys.

“That’s my girl,” Johnny’s praise is the cherry on top, and you realize that - while it has been a while since you did a shoq - you’re still going to do just fine.

All you have to do is be yourself- that’s always worked in the past.

In fact, a solo cam session with your closest supporters is the perfect avenue to practice radical self love… in all forms.

“Ok, Johnny I gotta hang up so I can start my show on time-”

“Yeah, no problem-”

“But uh…” you swallow thickly, pausing as you stare at your phone. There’s something itching on the back of your tongue- something you dare not say, so instead, you hit him with; “You’re all in separate hotel rooms during this, or…?”

“Uh huh,” Johnny laughs- “as much as we’re all close as members, I don’t think any of us actually want to watch you while we’re in the same room- we’re not Wayv.”

The mention of their brother group makes you giggle- there’d been a time when a few of the members had been big into your cam show, and they’d ditch practice to huddle in the bathroom and watch you- but 127 is not Wayv.

“Get on with your show, baby,” Johnny’s smooth voice is always so calming, “I’ll see ya in there.”

“Bye, John.”

“Bye, baby.”

The line goes dead, and you finish the rest of your set up in record time. Soon, you’re placing your phone in the tripod, sending a private room link off to your 127 group chat, and turning the camera on.

By the time you’ve gone to sit on your bed, adjusting your laptop so you can see the comment section, a handful of idols have already joined.

“Hey guys-” you breathe, eyes skimming through the usernames you know: NiceGuyJohnny, KittyTae, yutAH, Doie, ValentineJae97, HeyChannie-

And then two new users pop into the chat, with names that couldn’t be more diametrically opposed: PuppyBoyWoo and MarcusLee.

“Marcus Lee?” you read out loud, laughing as you lift your eyes to the camera. “I’d thought yutAH was bold but okay Mark, I see you-”

HeyChannie: fucking mark

NiceGuyJohnny: have you never made a fake user profile before markie?

yutAH: this kid

PuppyBoyWoo: what about me? What do you think of my user name?

“Hi Jungwoo, I love your user name- it’s good to see you here,” you smile. “Are you my little puppy boy, Woo?”

PuppyBoyWoo: bark bark bark

HeyChannie: woof woof

HeyChannie has donated $69

yutAH: grrrrrrr

yutAH has donated $69

NiceGuyJohnny has donated $69

PuppyBoyWoo has donated $100

MarcusLee has donated $100

ValentineJae97 has donated $420

God, you’ve missed this, missed how easy it is-

“How about our resident kitty? You still here, Tae?” you ask, wanting to involve all eight members if possible-

KittyTae: meow

KittyTae has donated $69

“Now we’re just waiting on you Doyoung-”

Doie has donated $200

“And that makes eight,” you grin. “Too bad Taeil couldn’t join.”

HeyChannie: couldnt? More like WOULDNT

HeryChannie: he’s a good christian boy. Unlike marcus

MarcusLee: hey!

NiceGuyJohnny: we all know Taeil is married to his beauty sleep

Doie: we should probably ALL be asleep right now. We have a flight tomorrow morning

HeyChannie: then LEAVE

HeyChannie: bitch

“Hyuck-” you groan, “I’m never going to take any of my clothes off if you force me to be a moderator- can’t you behave yourself for the next little while? For me?”

HeyChannie has donated $69

HeyChannie: fine. But I won’t be HAPPY about it

“Never needed you to be happy, just needed you to listen and be a good boy for me tonight-” you grin, enjoying the way you can toy with Hyuck with the safe distance between you.

ValentineJae97: are you into good boys now baby?

ValentineJae97: what else has changed since your last show

“A lot has changed,” you admit. “Honestly- I never thought I’d take a break from cam shows once I started- never thought I’d be doing a solo show with a nct 127 private room- but here we are.”

PuppyBoyWoo: what’s changed? This is my first show

“Well, for starters-” you lean back against your bed, toying with the fabric of your hoodie, “Got7 left their company- I think Mark would still join a cam room, but his time change is a lot- then, BTS is touring and busy too-”

NiceGuyJohnny: tell them about the job you got baby

“Right, I got a job… briefly.” You laugh at the memory. “I was doing behind the scenes with the Legendary Kingdom stuff- couldn’t really be doing a cam show during all of that. Just… a lot has been going on… I think I’m going to start doing more of these again… but uh…. While you guys are all on tour, I can’t just keep doing nct 127 solo rooms, so there might be some new faces and users popping up too.”

ValentineJae97: like who

yutAH: spill the deets baby

“Are we really here to talk my personal life?” you avoid the question. “I thought you guys wanted a show-”

PuppyBoyWoo: yes

PuppyBoyWoo: please take your shirt off : )

HeyChannie: what he said

HeyChannie: I don’t need to be made jealous while on the last leg of our tour

HeyChannie: I’m going to pretend it’s just us

Doie: delusional

“Anyways!” you lift your toy box, showing it to the camera. “Here’s my collection-”

NiceGuyJohnny: *side eye*

“Screw you John-” you groan, hating that he knows you so well, “fine it’s not my whole collection, it’s just what I like best for tonight.”

HeyChannie: that’s a lot of vibrators baby

“And what about it?” you taunt, picking up one of the black, chordless wands. “Honestly, this is one of my favourites-” while looking down at your toybox, you consider your options. “Part of me had thought I’d let you guys choose what I should use tonight- but after reading the chaos of your chat, I think maybe I should just do my own thing and you guys should be thankful I put up with all your bickering and low donations.”

Doie: low donations-

Doie has donated $200

HeyChannie has donated $69

ValentineJae97 has donated $500

MarcusLee has donated $100

PuppyBoyWoo has donated $100

NiceGuyJohnny has donated $1000

yutAH: you know what? I was going to donate something fun, but after Johnny just slamming money down- I’m not so sure

NiceGuyJohnny: pay the nice cam baby you menace

yutAH has donated $666

KittyTae has donated $100

“I like the sound of donations,” you grin, “think it’s about time I started taking my clothes off, huh?”

You avoid your computer while undressing, although you see the chat blowing up in your periphery.

After going so long without a show, a slow strip tease is just what you need to feel sexy on camera again.

Your hoodie is removed first, and then you slowly slide out of your sleeping shorts. The large tshirt covering your form is next, and it leaves you in your bra and panties.

“Should I keep going?” you ask. “I think I wanna hear some coins if I’m going to take any more off.”

Your computer dings a few times, the sound of money making you grin. Ever the tease, you turn your back to the camera, reaching behind yourself to unclasp your bra.

You collect your breasts with a hand braced across your front, turning to face the camera at the foot of the bed. “Should I go slow tonight? I know you guys are used to me getting my clothes torn off really quick, but… now that it’s just me, I can tease, right?”

You shift your attention to the computer at your side, skimming the comments there. You’ve got a pretty divided cam room- with Johnny, Jungwoo and Mark being reassuring while Haechan, Yuta and Doyoung are more to the point-

“Are you really that concerned about your bed time, Doie?” you laugh, having not expected this kind of reaction from the stoic man you’re often shocked to see in your cam room at all. With a sigh, you give in, removing your hand from your chest and allowing your breasts to be exposed, nipples hardening with the temperature of your room. “I guess I do need to be mindful of your schedule- gotta catch that flight tomorrow…”

Doie has donated $200

“If you guys are in that much of a rush to see me cum- I guess I might as well start, hmm?” You reach for your favourite vibrator and the sound of coins confirms you’re making the right choice. “But because I’m being rushed- maybe I shouldn’t even take off my panties until I’ve cum at least once.”

You’re enjoying having power- enjoying the ability to tease your cam room and go at your own pace- although you make them think they’re dictating at least some of it.

The vibrator buzzes to life and you bring it down to your panty covered core, groaning at the way the machine feels even through a piece of fabric. “So good…” you say, loud enough for your idols to hear. “Think I’m just going to relax back against my pillow and enjoy this.”

You’ve cum solo enough times to know how to use your toys with an expert hand, and it’s easy enough to get lost in the feeling of your vibrator in the exact spot you like.

You know how much of a tease this is- you laying flat, breasts exposed, pretty pussy still hidden while you begin to grind down on your toy- moving your hips fluidly-

Sounds begin to slip out of you, moans and whines that are as akin to music as the noise of coins and donations flooding in.

“Fuck, guys-” you groan when you apply more pressure to your clit- “my panties are sticking to me- I’m so wet already-”

You turn your head to the side, eager to read a few of the comments that are coming in on the computer next to you.

NiceGuyJohnny: take them off

HeyChannie: yeah take them off

PuppyBoyWoo: please take them off

ValentineJae97: you look so pretty baby

ValentineJae97 has donated $100

NiceGuyJohnny: are you close baby?

ValentineJae97: you can’t cum with your panties on like that

NiceGuyJohnny: yeah- move them to the side for us princess

HeyChannie: miss the look of that pretty fucking pussy

PuppyBoyWoo: bet you’re so pretty

PuppyBoyWoo: just for us

“Should I really take them off?” you ask, already feeling breathless- from the attention, or the vibrations on your clit- you’re not sure. “You guys wanna see my pretty little pussy- all wet and needy-”

The jingling of coins prompts you to reach down and toy with the waistband of your underwear. Jaehyun’s right about the annoyance you feel with panties in the way when you want to cum- and you know that if you get fully naked, you’ll reach your high in no time.

You suppose nct deserves it- suppose that after such a long time without a show, they should get to see you cum, fully, without your panties in the way.

With a groan, you move your vibrator away, pulling your underwear down before throwing them across the room.

“There we go-” you sigh, shifting your body closer to the camera at the foot of your bed, “someone better tell me I’m pretty or so help me god-”

ValentineJae97: so pretty

HeyChannie: the prettiest cam baby in the world

MarcusLee: you’re literally perfect

NiceGuyJohnny: gorgeous as always, princess

yutAH: fine as fuck

More moans leave your lips as the vibrator gets direct contact with your clit. Your wet makes it easy for the silicoln head to glide through your pussy lips, and you find yourself getting closer and closer-

“Shit- guys, I’m gonna cum-” you announce for the camera, earning coins a moment later. “Yeah- I’m gonna cum-” you can’t find it in yourself to look at the comment section, too focused on chasing your release as you grind your core harder against the vibrator. “Shit-”

The tension in your lower abdomen snaps, your orgasm slamming into you and making your toes curl. Gasps and whimpers escape you as you work your way through it- toy never leaving your pussy until you’re a shivering mess, legs closing around your hand-

You groan loudly, reaching your breaking point and turning your vibrator off before tossing it to the side. “That felt so good, fuck, I need a sec-”

You need to take a moment to recuperate, closing your eyes and taking deep breaths while the aftershocks of your orgasm roll through you.

When you’re able, you turn your head to look at the comment section, skimming through the words of praise and the donations.

ValentineJae97: you still sound so good when you cum baby

HeyChannie: fuck I miss your pretty pussy like you wouldn’t believe

NiceGuyJohnny: need this tour to be over princess

yutAH: you’re gonna have us all simping by the time this solo room is over

“You guys like the solo?” you ask, eager to hear their opinions on it.

HeyChannie: love the solo

PuppyBoyWoo: so good to be here : )

Doie: solos over watching you get fucked

HeyChannie: solos AND watching you get fucked… by me

yutAH: can’t wait to watch you fuck yourself though

“Yeah? With what though?” You reach for your boy of toys. “How many inches? Six… seven… eight?”

HeyChannie: eight

yutAH: 8

KittyTae: anything

NiceGuyJohnny: do you have a nine kicking around somewhere?

“A nine?!” you laugh. “Daddy- if I had a nine, would I still need you?”

NiceGuyJohnny: no one fucks like I do princess

NiceGuyJohnny: especially not some stupid toy

“You’re right about that-” you sigh, reaching for a dildo. “Even so, I think I’ll go with a seven incher today- it will give me something to miss about you guys. Plus…” you tease your tongue across the toy, “not everything is about big being better.”

HeyChannie: since when

Doie: oh my god shut up hyuck

HeyChannie: I think we’ve all learned something about the size of doyoungs dick today

“You two better stop fighting,” you groan, bringing the toy to your entrance and teasing it past your clit, “watching you bicker is not a turn on for anyone.”

The chat erupts in laughter and donations, and you draw your attention away from your computer, closing your eyes to focus on the feeling of the cock that you press into your tight hole, testing yourself.

“Fuck- that feels good,” you breathe. “Not the real thing, but… good.” You push the toy further into your pussy, delighted by the way your body reacts and squeezes around it. “I can’t believe I’m saying this but uh… it’s been a little while since I was properly fucked and… I might cum embarrassingly fast on this-”

PuppyBoyWoo: really????

HeyChannie: wanna watch you cum again

“You guys wanna watch me cum? Then I think… maybe the sound of donations might help…”

You love the way your computer dings immediately, and you begin to thrust the toy in and out of your pussy, marveling at how great it feels to be back on cam and chasing an orgasm with your own hands doing the work.

Gasps and moans begin to escape you, and you lean into them, knowing that a few of the nct members have a thing for audio and the sounds a girl makes when she cums hard.

“Fuck, guys- it’s so deep-” the base of the toy makes contact with your skin each time you thrust it, and it does a perfect job imitating the pretty noise you listen to when you’re getting fucked- you only wish you had a sexy man groaning in your ear. “Shit- I need you guys to come back from tour- I need someone whispering dirty nothings in my ear-”

You hadn’t realized how much you’d missed dirty talk, and doing a solo has made you more aware of the noise in your mind- noise that’s always quieted and drowned out by the men you fuck.

“Fuck-” you shift against your duvet, feeling the tension rising in the pit of your stomach- your free hand reaches for your vibrator and you announce “need to cum” loud enough for everyone to know what you’re about to do.

A shiver runs through your body when the second toy makes contact with your clit, and the hand thrusting your dildo into you stops momentarily while you let out a loud whine-

“Oh my god-” you begin to fuck yourself even harder, keeping the vibrator directly on your clit. Your legs begin to shake with effort and stimulation, and the dildo slides into you even smoother as you get wetter and wetter-

“Im gonna-” you whimper, biting your lip as the sound of donations floods through your room, “I’m gonna cum- fuck-” as your high hits you, you find the name “daddy-” slipping out of you, and you try to embody your favourite dominant as you overstim yourself, keeping the vibrator on your clit and the toy gliding in and out of your pussy until you’re a shaking, moaning mess.

The vibrator is the first toy you pull away from your core, flipping it off before tossing it to the side. The seven incher stays inside of you, and you wriggle your hips, gasping as the final shocks of your orgasm pass you by.

“Fuck-” you groan, turning your head to the side to read some comments while you slowly come down from your high.

PuppyBoyWoo: who’s daddy?

HeyChannie: obviously me

ValentineJae97: you wish

Doie: I think you both wish

yutAH: we all know IM oppa

HeyChannie: lol says who

yutAH: Markus

MarcusLee: it’s marcus with a C tho

NiceGuyJohnny: sounded so pretty when you came baby

PuppyBoyWoo: I think I can see who daddy is now

Doie: not haechan

HeyChannie: im going to put hair removal cream in ur shampoo

“I thought I said no more fighting-” you laugh, shaking your head at the way nct uses your chat feature. “Also… I think we all know Taeil is daddy.”

It feels safe to smooth over the issue at hand, to divert attention with a bit of comedic relief-

You can’t have it being a known thing that you pick favourites- that when you cum alone, in the safety of your own home, there’s only one man in your thoughts-

“I really liked doing this show for you guys,” you say, swallowing thickly and avoiding the thoughts bubbling inside of you. “Hope the rest of your tour goes well.”

NiceGuyJohnny: are we gonna get to see you on a show again before we get back?

Your heart squeezes in your chest. “Uh… yeah? I mean… maybe?”

NiceGuyJohnny: weren’t you just teasing us about new faces sweetheart?

NiceGuyJohnny: where did this ‘maybe’ come from

HeyChannie: she’s cute when she gets shy after cumming on cam

HeyChannie has donated $200

Doie has donated $200

KittyTae: thanks for the show angel

KittyTae has donated $200

PuppyBoyWoo: excited for your next show ;)

MarcusLee has donated $200

PuppyBoyWoo has donated $200

yutAH has donated $200

ValentineJae97: it’s been good seeing you again baby

ValentineJae97 has donated $400

NiceGuyJohnny: get some rest after this princess ;) see you around

NiceGuyJohnny has donated $1000

“Goodnight guys, have a good flight tomorrow morning,” you smile softly, finally pulling your toy from between your legs so you can sit up and grab your phone to turn off the camera.

When the show is off, phone discarded, you take a deep breath.

It’s funny how you can make nearly a years rent in one show-

Funny how the money still doesn’t do anything for the deep hole in your heart that can only be filled by love.

Interact with those who've cum before

› [nct] NiceGuyJohnny - online

› [got7] PubGMarkT - online

› [got7] beommie - online

› [wayv] Lucas99 & Hendery99 - online

› [got7] TheJinyoung - online

› [bts] TaeTae - online

› [nct] ValentineJae97 - online

› [nct] HeyChannie - online

› [multi] TheJinyoung & NiceGuyJohnny - online

› [nct] Private Room - now in server

› [svt] GyuGyu97 & Hannie - online

› [atz] Yunhoe - online

› [svt] CherryCheolie - online

Find the cam room directory here

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✘ general taglist:

general taglist: (send me an ask to join either tag list:)

@gotshinct - @subhyuck - @fraechan - @learnthisfeeling

@runahways - @d-abin - @milkteade - @woogyuhae

@anothershorthuman - @nihxxy - @vantxx95 - @bangshii

@poutypoutybin - @notbeforelong - @creepybakeoven

@ninetechculture - @yungiland - @suhsfam - @binchangf

@chogiwapadada - @librarian-stacks - @meowniee

@learnthisfeeling - @gigilame - @cumtrov3rsy

@mocha000 - @darthlunaa - @just-here-to-read-01 - @shiningnono

✘ nct taglist

@milkyway-vxm - @nctsawrus - @shiningdery - @freezerandfame

@fairieblog - @fairybr3ad - @peachyjaemin - @chemaistry

@sehunniepot

thanks to those who interacted with promos :)

@heavenly-mobo - @yourfavoritefreakyhan - @capr1sun

@ryusha-rose - @hyuckhoon - @kosmoreads - @meenjee

@arizejkt19 - @xcharlottemikaelsonx - @allie-mcginn

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justadeadreaper · 2 months

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// OPERATOR-BIO: JACK-POT //

Man’s best friend, a creature that will be most loyal to its master, a dog, the word befitting of Makarov’s bodyguard. The only member of Konni or the Inner Circle that could be described as more loyal than Andrei to Makarov and his cause, a man who would do anything to see it come to life. No matter what was thrown at him, he always came back; no bullet or grenade could keep him down or dead for long as he would just get up again and fight once more; it is no surprise that he earned Makarov’s favour. A giant that uses his strength for the wrong cause. A man who sees what he does as a mission from God as he aims to build a new world, one that Makarov controls. A man who uses his talent to create technology to wipe out cities to forge a path to his only. A man who became the face of Konni, so at least if he was taken in, Makarov could still concoct what needed to be done. A man who smiles as he beats in the skull of his enemies. Makarov’s jackpot.

Divider used, by: @mmadeinheavenn (Please support him as he made the amazing divider I will be using)

CALLSIGN: Jack-Pot

ALIASES: Behemoth (by Taskforce 141), Makarov’s (sometimes attack or guard) Mutt (by Makarov, Taskforce 141, and others), Nephelim (by Makarov’s associates), Big Bastard (by Soap)

CITIZENSHIP: Russian

LANGUAGE(S): English, French, Biblical Hebrew, Latin, Russian

FRACTION AFFILIATION: Konni, The Inner Circle, The Ultranationalist Party, Zakhaev's Arms

STATUS: Active

AGE: 29

NAME: [REDACTED] “Remus” Belladonna Matthew [REDACTED]

PLACE OF BIRTH: [REDACTED]

DATE OF BIRTH: 26.06.1995

SEX: [REDACTED] Male; [REDACTED]

BLOOD TYPE: O-

HEIGHT: 7’11”

WEIGHT: 503 to 533 Pounds

BUILD: Stocky, well built

SCARS, TATTOOS, AND MARKINGS: Healed skin grafting covering most of the left side of his body -predominantly on the front of his body even if it goes onto his back- from his face to his torso to his arms to his legs with a few patches dotted around the right side of his body, missing most of his left ear, teeth marks across his right hand, scars across his back that seems to be from something like a belt, a long surgical scar above his heart, surgical scars across his body (more specifically his knees, hips, ankles, and shoulders), scars from knife and bullet wounds across his body, scars across his right arm, a scar across his lower back around his tail bone that looks like something was carved off of his skin, a scar around all of his neck that has a crown of thorns above and below it, a massive snake tattoo that loops around his right leg to his back and chest with the head resting on his chest, a tattoo of a dog on the back calf of his left leg, a tattoo of a kingfisher styled queen chess piece on his right arm, a tattoo of a spider's web over his heart that is made of webbing and flowers (specifically forget-me-nots, bleeding hearts, larkspur, and lavender) with a redback spider resting on it, tattoos of thieves' stars on his shoulder blades, a tattoo of a cathedral on his lower left back to the side of his torso, and a tattoo of the words 'Владимир Анатольевич Родион Макаров' on his V-line

HAIR: Just past his shoulders, extremely curly, ginger but with streaks of grey

EYES: Brown

COMPLEXION: Medium Beige to Medium Tan

RACE: [REDACTED]

NATIONALITY: [REDACTED]

OCCUPATION: Makarov’s bodyguard

[REDACTED] “Remus” Belladonna Matthew [REDACTED] was born to mother, [REDACTED] and father, [REDACTED] of the acclaimed [REDACTED] family of [REDACTED].

An unwanted child straight from the womb. [REDACTED] was given to his [REDACTED] at the young age of five with his [REDACTED], just like his [REDACTED] before him, after suffering years of abuse. The reason given was due to the fact of him being a [REDACTED] instead of the “normal” son they wanted. An extreme bond formed between the only three people who he knew to love him as his two [REDACTED] lived under the tyrannically religious rule of their [REDACTED] even if she loved them like her own children even. An unhealthy bond formed with religion from that point acting as more of a reason to live than a lifestyle as it was one of the true comforts they could afford as he grew to develop an unhealthy view of relationships and how to act in them as none of them stopped him.

[REDACTED]. Giving him nearly all the scars that riddle his body and leading him to run away at the age of sixteen.

[REDACTED].

That was until he met the acclaimed Vladimir Makarov. A deal was made between the two, in exchange for protection, he would work for the terrorist doing any act that the leader asked of him. [REDACTED].

[REDACTED].

Despite the eccentric, terrifying persona he plays when out in front of the public as he performs another terrorist act for Makarov whether it be blowing up another building or crushing a man's skull, when he is with his men he is known to still be terrifying but also a caring and somewhat goofy leader as neither Andrei or Makarov want to deal with every little complaint that they had.

Every team bonding activity is planned by him as Makarov sees it as a waste of time but he knows that forming strong bonds is extremely useful in the world he has found himself in where it is not uncommon to find themselves being stabbed in the back. He listens and resolves their problems as he earns their trust to seem like a genuine, caring leader, but to him, it is not as genuine as everyone thinks it to be. Yes, he cares about his men but he learnt from his family and from living this life for so long to never be attached and to always gain people’s love for when you need to use it. An optimist on the outside but a true pessimist deep down, but he has learnt to bury those feelings long ago. The only people he has ever shown his genuine true side to, the caring, soft, but funny side is what is left of his family and his best friend Infrared who knows to look past the terrifying act he puts on.

The only other notable thing that most Konni soldiers have learnt about their unofficial leader is his morals, hatred of Milena, and undying loyalty to Makarov. They have watched how he rapidly goes to defend Makarov and kill any man who has been disloyal before running off to check on their Komandir; it is why they all believe that Makarov trusts him the most out of all as he knows that Jack-Pot will be loyal to his death like Makarov is holding something against him even after all the years that Jack-Pot has so effectively served him. They have watched his side eyes and scoffs whenever Milena talks or tries to command someone and how he so easily argues with her to the point of having a game with Infrared where they throw stuff (mainly slippers or flipflops) at Milena whenever she walks by, but in the end he has to let her do what she wants as she is his Komandir’s wife -even if she is the only one who can not see that Makarov only married her for her money and not because he loved her- and he hates to disappoint Makarov as it physical pains him.

What he has left of morals has been crafted by his faith and upbringing. They all know that he will refuse to do certain things as it is against his teachings and he has rules for his soldiers based on his own beliefs whether it be to not desecrate a corpse but instead give them a proper burial or to turn the other cheek unless it is so disagreeable that violence is needed. Most do not mind as he does not force them to participate in his religion with him but they have grown to understand that he will not break his morals unless Makarov calls for it; they all know he feels enough Catholic guilt for other things and do not want to make it worse.

-One item of clothing you will never see him without is his rosary; it is normally tucked beneath his shirt so that it will be pulled on whenever he is in a fight but when casually around base he tends to have it out on display. The rosary has been in his family for countless generations, which can be seen by how the gold and ivory have gone dull but to him, it is one of the most important items in his life that once when a recruit had made the foolish decision to steal it he had beaten their brain in with his fists before putting the rosary back around his neck. It was a warning to others who were forced to witness the twitching body of their fallen comrade as he lived through his final moments while Jack-Pot walked off to pray.

-Unlike what his size would make you believe, he is incredibly smart. He is known to even give Makarov advice when his Kommandir is concocting their next plan, but his intelligence is most clear when he relaxes in his workshop surrounded by his inventions. A savant when it comes to anything mechanical. Makarov paid for his robotics, engineering, and mechanics degrees when he saw the potential that Jack-Pot exhibited when he was able to fix up a getaway car in a matter of no time. Makarov still pays for any degree Jack-Pot requests to do that relates to machinery as it only means they will have access to more complex machinery; it also means that it keeps the giant busy even if it seems like he gets through them in no time. Nearly everything mechanical on the base is made by Jack-Pot, from the security cameras (which he watches and treats like they are a live-action soap opera) to the air conditioning and heating systems that make the base just a little less unbearable. His skills are that trusted that he was even allowed to make the robotic prosthetic for Makarov and control the device that lets the arms do certain actions.

-He has a love of orchestral music, that any song he likes he will try to find an orchestral version of it, but if he can not find an orchestral version, he will normally settle for an instrumental version. He can not explain why he does not like the vocals of a song; he just shrugs and says that he has been like it since he was a child; the only exceptions to this rule were his older brother and grandmother, whose singing he adored but they normally sung hymns and nothing more. Despite his lack of love for hearing people sing, he is a talented singer even if he does not sing often; the only few times people have heard him sing is when he thinks he is alone or when he is dragged into singing by a drunk Makarov when Konni are celebrating another victory. His musical abilities are not just restricted to singing but also are extended to the piano as he is a very talented player who can play any song he wishes too after enough practice. Although, he loves Bruno Mars. It seems to be one of the only musicians he can listen to sing and there is a joke that if you catch Jack-Pot in the middle of the night raiding the Konni fridges that you will be hearing him sing one of Bruno Mars’ songs or another guilty pleasure song on his playlist.

-Despite his size, he is impressively fast and flexible. It is common to see him do stretches before all of his workouts as he tries his best to keep his flexibility from when he was much younger and smaller. When he was a child to a teenager he used to do ballet and still knows how to do some of the routines from when he was younger as it was always something he enjoyed as it first got him into fitness. He also trains his speed as he does not want to be slowed down by his size as he has learnt from prior instances and Makarov that a few seconds can be a matter of life or death.

-Although he hates to admit it, he is quite deaf and blind with his left eye and left ear suffering the most. He wears an “earpiece” in his left ear which is actually a cochlear implant that Makarov had paid for him to have which allows for him to make use of what is left of his left ear. When he takes the outer piece off he becomes deaf to the world in his left ear with his right ear being only a bit better that most at Konni know to either use sign language or shout loud enough for him to hear. Meanwhile, his left eye is his biggest blind spot due to not bein able to see through most of it and the bits he can see being blurry; when reading or building another invention he wears glasses so the blurriness does not stop him from doing what he loves.

-If you were to look up the definition of a hopeless romantic you would see his face as the first thing that pops up. Due to his religious upbringing and the only books he had as a child being passed down fairytales where the prince and princess get their happy ending it gave him a distorted view of love where he wants the happy little family of a partner and children where he gets to adore his partner endlessly and they adore him just as much. This has also led him to be quite... obsessive when he falls in love to the point of doing anything for the person he adores as they become his drug as he always chases the happy pipe dream he was sold.

-No one has ever heard his real accent. It has been noted by soldiers higher in Makarov’s favour and rankings that he has one “real” accent when talking to Makarov but two other accents when speaking to his main “assosiate”. When speaking to Konni soldiers or any other member of the public he puts on a Russian accent but the people who have heard his other accents have described them to either be British or American. The few brave souls that have brought it up to Makarov due to their concerns have either mysteriously disappeared, been sent on suicide missions, or were left terrified that they never wanted to speak about it again.

-Apart from the professional trainers Makarov brings in, Jack-Pot also helps to train the dobermans. While the professionals train them to attack the enemies with no remourse, Jack-Pot trains them to be loving dogs towards him, Makarov, and other Konni soldiers that are not deemed as traitors. The dobermans are like his babies as he has given each one a name for when they are with him apart from ‘Attack Dog Number 7’ and has beds for them in his office and in the blank space that he calls a bedroom.

-His love of animals is not only reserved for the dobermans that Konni have on base and conventional pets but it expands to unconventional pets as well, particularly snakes. Connected to his workshop is a room reserved just for his pet snakes where he has made extremely large vivariums with his own hands for them to live in. He has dozens of different types of snakes from none venomous to extremely venomous that Makarov has let him collect over the years. He uses the venom of his snakes on people that they are torturing for information; diluting the mixture as much as he can so that it hurts but does not kill the person. He also has the horrendous habit to put the less venomous snakes into Milena’s room so they can have some exploration time even if he knows Milena is terrified of snakes as he despises the woman. But, on a more “wholesome” note, he likes to wear the none venomous and more friendly snakes around his neck like a scarf when walking around base on a sunday doing chores as the only one who does not have to work; especially his absolute favourite Big Bertie a Burmese python that Makarov gifted him for his birthday one year to keep the giant company.

-Due to his size and needing to eat tons upon tons of calories he has learnt to be an amazing cook if you have a spice tolerance like his. As he needs a lot of protein and carbs to keep up his physique he has learnt how to butcher all kinds of meats and cook them in all different kinds of ways so he is able to get everything he needs without getting bored of his meals. He is best at grilling the meats on a grill or frying them but tends to stick to the later as it is easier to make bigger batches that way when he wants to share with other Konni soldiers who are fed up of the base’s food or do not want to be poisoned by Milena’s slop. He even knows vegan meals with high amounts of protein and other nutrients so he can have it on a friday but these meals tend to be more relaxed and cheat meals as he loves to fry the mushrooms he uses as a replacement for chickens.

-Anyone who wants to get on his good side or bond with him knows that the best thing to do is not give him some form of alcohol like every other soldier on that base but to instead sit down with him to watch whatever shitty soap drama he has found. He absolutely adores watching them no matter which country it comes from or how shitty it is as long as it is dramatic and has the craziest of twists in the love category. His most notable favourites are some telenovelas he saw when he had been dragged along to Mexico to talk to a cartel leader to ask to make an alliance with her or some old ones he found on VHS in Makarov’s mother’s face after he stayed to help her clean up after fixing her severely outdated freezer and improving it.

-Like anyone of his size he is constantly warm which has caused him to much prefer cold environments to hot ones. He has no issue walking around base in a compression shirt and sweatpants or even going into the snow with just those clothes on to go fetch something that blew away while others at Konni have to go outside in at least three layers to walk through the Antarctic weathers of the land of the barren, snowy part of Russia where the base presides. If you are ever cold he would give you his jacket as he is always “too warm” in his own opinion and he does not mind it when others stay closer to him to keep warm from the heat he radiates. However, even if he tans impecicably and can stand the heat he still hates it. Yes, he can last in the heat without complaining outwardly but it makes him feel uncomfortable and makes his headaches worse as he is already naturally warm but if you bet him that he could not stay out in the Sun then he is staying out there tanning to just prove you wrong even if he needs to take enough paracetamol to euthanise a horse to deal with his headache.

‘С нами Бог.’

‘I know a few cannibals we could send them too. My main associate hasn’t tried gangster flesh yet, I think. Why are you all looking at me like that?’

'Time walks in hands with the Devil as they eat all of God's children, there is no changing fate unless you want to disregard God's plans, we’ll all die in the end whether we agree to it or not. It's why we make the most with the time we have; we make the biggest impact. We let our legacy dictate how this Earth will turn out even if it means we will have thousands of corpses laying that path.'

'A dog that has only known beatings for its whole life will only know to bite. Any man that comes near will be bitten. It knows it can only fight to survive. Its maw is its weapon; it's what it knows it needs to survive. But, to muzzle it will cause it to whimper in fear.'

'Showing a beaten dog some kindness will change its life. A loving hand compared to an abusive hand that feeds seems like Heaven. It will become loyal to that hand even if it becomes abusive as that was the only thing they knew to be kind.'

'Any man that is kind enough can create a deadly weapon. His dog will be loyal to the core. It will attack anything that tries to hurt the man. Using the maw for fighting to now protect. It will give its life for its new master even if it means they will never run free again.'

‘Breathe... breathe... just breathe and calm your arse down. We’re out of it now, we aren’t going back to it. Nothing will drag us back.’

‘Did the dingo set you up for this? Sorry love but I’m not a big fan of azaleas, more of a lavender man myself.’

'You missed? Again?! Next time I'll crush your skull to use the fragments for bullets!’

‘Nice arm you have here. Pretty tattoos as well. I’m sure you don’t mind me taking this back for my Komandir.’

‘If I hear that those Brits and Scots have blown up another one of my gardens I will personally go to their base and blow up everything!’

'You think a little bullet will hurt me? Hehe, Komandir's put me through worse.' 'I’m going to go pray. I need you all to stay here for two minutes while I ask God to give me patience since if he gives me any more strength, I’m going to kill all of you.'

'Why should I pay a few thousand rubles for this crap?! I can go home and by next week I'll have it done and I'll have only paid a few hundred max. ...robbing bastards.' 'Shhhh, I need you to quieten down. Komandir is cold. He needs the world to burn to stay warm and fat burns so easily.'

'Make me a promise, okay? If you have to lay me to rest before they put us both in our final places, remember, if you bother to give me a headstone, plant an apple tree behind it and lavender around it. I want to know that when you miss me that you'll visit and I can still provide you with help to sleep and I'll still be able to feed you. I'll always l...care for you even when I'm in Hell.'

Normal; Due to being one of the highest-ranking soldiers at Konni he wears an identical uniform to Andrei except for the fact that everything in the uniform from the groin protector to the compression shirt to the vest has been tailored to accommodate his gigantic size. The biggest difference between the two uniforms can be seen with the mask that Jack-Pot wears and the small additions that have been added. He wears a choker around his neck that holds his microphone with additional patches across his uniform apart from the Konni patch to display his rank. Meanwhile, his mask is based on the skull of a wolf as it lays on his face in two pieces, the lower jaw bone that moves with his own jaw and the upper piece, which takes more liberty in its design but looks like the face of a wolf, that is attached separately so that it can stay in place which allows him to still use his teeth when attacking enemies in close combat.

Casual; Based on what he wears when he is on base and not working as he prefers to wear something simple and comfortable which just so happens to be a very basic pair of grey sweatpants and a black compression shirt that he had Konni’s tailors personally make or he would be forced to go around naked.

Medusa; Based on its namesake, with this skin, he wears a white floor-length chiton that goes over the left shoulder and leaves the top right side of his torso exposed to show off the head of the snake tattoo as it curls around his body. Between the curls of hair now lay king cobras with some curling around his neck that will spit venom at anyone he commands as the scales on the snakes match the scales that now lay in place of the skin graft. While around his ankles and wrists are now golden chains that lead to somewhere...

Seraphim; Based on his deep ties to his religion in this skin he is the biblically accurate depiction of an Angel, specifically a Seraphim. He is dressed in a mixture of both white and red robes similar to the chiton he wears in the Medusa skin with golden chains coming from both his wrists and from under the robe. He has six pairs of wings, one main pair with a smaller pair above and below it -the top pair can be used to hide his face- as golden eyes cover the wings and cover parts of his body. His hair is replaced by flames as his tattoos are now made of golden while he cries golden tears.

The Bear; Based on his more feral side in this skin all he wears is a pair of bloodied combat trousers with no shirt at all as to show off his pecs and the tattoos and scars that riddle his chest as it is also covered in blood. Replacing his wolf mask is instead a bear skin with the paws attached to his arms with the rest of the pelt trailing down his back and the bear’s head on top of his own head which obscures his eyes.

The General; Based on what I imagine him to look like in an AU where he is a General for Zakhaev and much older, his hair is filled with more greys with more wrinkles across his face as he wears a traditional General’s uniform -the hat, jacket, shirt, and trousers- in black paired with black leather gloves and a black cloak with a gold chain and clasps that keep it on his shoulders and a gun holster on his belt.

The King; To be paired with a Makarov skin I have thought of that suits him, this skin is based on the king piece in chess. With this skin, he is decorated in ornate golden armour that is decorated with jewels and engravings and a crown upon his head as the armour is fashioned to resemble the king chess piece.

Purple Nymph; Based on the Nymphs of Greek mythology he is completely naked but sexless in this skin as his tattoos are now different shades of purple with his hair now being made up of the hyacinths and lavender that also bloom out of his skin and petals spill out from between his lips.

#cod #call of duty #cod original character #cod oc #call of duty oc #call of duty original character #jack-pot cod #jack-pot call of duty #konni group #konni oc #vladimir makarov's bodyguard

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15-lizards · 9 months

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I'm not the genderswap Robb ask but can you genderswap the rest of the stark children? Fashion or not you're just so good at headcanons

Anon can we kiss

Male Sansa you are so beloved my sweet boy. The heir to winterfell but everyone thinks he’s a little bit ridiculous bc of his adherence to gentlemanly, frivolous southern customs despite being the future warden of the north. However he’s still courteous and charming enough to win over his fathers men. So he’s the odd one out but everyone still enjoys him. All the girls love how much of a sweet gentleman he is, and they love to watch him ride gracefully, dance gracefully, and spar gracefully. However he can be a bit snotty at times, despite his good intentions. So this means he frequently buts heads w/ Arry bc he doesn’t behave properly for his rank. Begging his father to betroth him to the princess (Joffahina? Idfk) so that he can become king consort and live in the south like he wants to, which Ned reluctantly agrees to. And we all know how that turns out…

Arry my bad ass little kid who I raised…also I know he’s aged up but Harry Gilby is so perfect for this idk just imagine him as a child. A true wild Northman, he fits in more than his brother does, but he’s not as physically imposing as others, nor does he respect authority enough (which is very northern behavior in some cases, but also very disrespectful in most others). He’s the classic ASOIAF unruly second son. Everyone’s headache, constantly shrugging off his duties to go riding or sparing or exploring, ignoring social conventions to make friends with every kitchen boy and serving girl. Thinks his brother is a stuffy ass of course. Once his brother gets engaged to the princess, Arry is suddenly the new heir. Goes south to court and avoids every betrothal his father tries to make for him, learning the braavosi style with his dancing teacher instead. Once all hell breaks loose he certainly has A Time trying to get home and eventually going to Braavos to shrug off his identity as heir to winterfell to become Nobody

Baby Branwen my child. Curious and stubborn little girl who isn’t quite at the age where she needs to start acting like a proper lady, leaving her mostly free to climb and explore and generally do whatever she wants. She’s quite taken with the idea of how the queen became a renowned female warrior, and has dreams of becoming one too someday, begging her father for riding and sword lessons, of which he only gives her the first at the moment. Her fall ruins the widely expected idea of ever getting her married, and her own idea of becoming a warrior, thus leading most people to believe she has become a generally useless burden. After her and the Reeds escape from winterfell and beyond the wall, she starts leaning more and more into her greenseer and skin changing abilities with aid from the three eyed raven, but despite this slow loss of morality she’s still just a scared child

Tiny Rina. Not much to say besides the fact that she’s still a feral three year old. No big changes from her male counterpart. However she IS riding back to winterfell on that damn unicorn I am making that canon in my head.

Joanna Snow the most hard headed ambitious stubborn teenage girl in the world with a superiority AND inferiority complex she’s everything to me. Doubly ignored and scorned for not only being a bastard but a female bastard. Useless in Westeros’ eyes. To her she only has one option, and gets shipped off to like an “elite” woman’s fighting force instead of the wall but surprise surprise this place also sucks balls and it’s still as cold. It’s mostly full of other bastards, former prostitutes convicted of crimes, and third and fourth daughters who didn’t want to join the faith. Total asshole at first but is eventually ride or die for most of her girls and the organization they’re in bc she is nothing if not loyal to her word.

#asoiaf #in my new gender bend world I don’t even know what’s going on with woman inheritance #I can’t say matriarchy cause that would imply the dance never happened #so I’m just calling it fem Robert installed royal succession regardless of gender and We Ball from there

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kitkatt0430 · 9 days

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Spirit of Hope for the title game?

So Spirit of Hope is intended to be a fic in the Ripple Effect series for Tales of Vesperia. Theoretically small. Probably bigger than I currently intend.

It's meant to have three parts to it, though I'm still working on part one.

While Yuri is helping Rita out in what he's all too aware is a mirror of the original events of his meeting Rita - minus Estelle and Karol's presence - he mentions fixing the barrier at Halure. Halure being a very lovely village that had to be abandoned when the barrier was damaged and began failing a few years earlier. He doesn't know how to explain about the Spirit that lives there, so he shows her instead once she stops grumbling at him for drawing too much attention and just goes there with him.

And she realizes that Yuri's natural ability for the Rizomata Formula - admittedly not as natural as she thinks, but he's not explaining parallel timelines right now when Yuri barely understands what happened yet himself - might hold the key to reversing the ecological damage caused by Alexei's Empire's unrestrained usage of blastia. She'd wanted to believe Yuri's weird story before but now? Now she has actual hope. Because if Yuri can revitalize a naturally occurring spirit then Rita might be able to use him to create entirely new ones too.

Part two is back over in Zaphias. Raven is coming to terms with his heart blastia not needing a core to work and recognizing that Alexei has basically been gaslighting him for years over this. He decides to ditch Alexei's Empire but it's not as simple as abandoning his identity as Captain Schwann and leaving in the middle of the night. He starts feeling out for knights who also want to leave - either to just straight up abandon post or flip to the other side, a rebellion being lead from one of the abandoned continents by the Prince Ioder and one of his most loyal Knights. Flynn Scifo. He's planning to not only bring as many knights as he can with him when he leaves... but he's going to see if he can kidnap the Princess Estellise with him if he can.

Part three is probably the shortest of the three parts. Ba'ul and Judith are flying together over the ocean, one of the few places left that isn't thoroughly tainted by aer overproduction by the Krene when Ba'ul senses the aer over one of the continents has begun to stabilize into mana, something that is extremely rare to happen and is thus unlikely to be naturally occurring. It's a good thing since mana is a lot safer in large quantities than aer is, all while fulfilling all the same purposes as aer. Ba'ul drops Judy off near the final resting place of Elucifer and she begins to head in the direction of Halure.

This fic is more of a setup for the next phase of the story - I'm kind of positioning characters like chess pieces. While Yuri and Rita continue their blast from the past journey that, for now, follows in the footsteps of the game's main plot, they're unwittingly leaving a lot of chaos in their wake and things are going to change a lot more rapidly than they realize.

I might wind up breaking these into separate fics, though, since the Yuri and Rita part is something I've been struggling with on and off for a while.

#Thanks for asking #tales of vesperia #kitkatt0430 answers #writer's ask game

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bethanydelleman · 2 years

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Can You Love at a Distance? Mansfield Park as an examination of Attachment

There is a pervasive theme in Mansfield Park about how attached people are to each other and to places. Fanny is the furthest on the spectrum of connecting. She is excessively attached to everything, to William, Mansfield, Edmund, Lady Bertram, and even Mrs. Norris! I know! This paragraph always gets me:

Fanny’s disposition was such that she could never even think of her aunt Norris in the meagreness and cheerlessness of her own small house, without reproaching herself for some little want of attention to her when they had been last together; much less could her feelings acquit her of having done and said and thought everything by William that was due to him for a whole fortnight.

Edmund is next, out of all the Bertram children, he’s the only one who follows his father’s wishes in his absence, or at least tries his best to (but there was a hot girl in the play!). He is also the only child who feels an obligation to be home when his family needs him. When Tom falls ill, the responsibility is on Edmund alone, Maria and Julia do not feel the need to help in the distressing time.

Sir Thomas is interesting in that he wants to be attached to things,but he has failed to create reciprocal relationships. When he returns from Antigua, he wants to see and be among not just the people but his plantations as well. He is really happy to see everyone, but even without the play, no one is really happy to see him. It’s kind of tragic, because he wants his children to love him, but he was too strict during their childhoods and they fear him.

Then we have Mrs. Norris, whose attachments are mostly formed for profit. She is apparently actually attached to Maria, since she lives with her in the end, but her interest in the Bertrams is mostly so she can be at the park and live at their expense instead of her own. If she does love Lady Bertram, it’s because she can control her.

Most of the rest of the characters show very little attachment to anything. Tom is always away from home; Maria marries an idiot she despises just to get away from home; Julia can’t maintain the attachment with her own sister when Henry comes between them; Mrs. Price is incapable of feeling sorry for her sick nephew; Lady Bertram is unable to realize that she misses Sir Thomas until he returns from Antigua; and Yates feels very little obligation to family at all.

The Crawfords are also untethered but theirs is of a different kind. Henry and Mary’s ties were cut by the circumstances of their childhood. Their parents are dead, which has also cut them off from Everingham, their sister (Mrs. Grant) married and they lived with the Admiral, cutting their relationship with her, Mary’s aunt died and his uncle took a mistress, driving Mary out and cutting her relationship with him. The only strong relationship they really have is to each other and even that isn’t as strong as Fanny and William’s bond (exemplified by the difference in letter length between William and Henry to their sisters).

However, the Crawfords are not the only ones with cut ties, Fanny has been removed from home for eight years and yet her bond with William remains completely intact. When she goes back to Portsmouth, she goes fully intending to re-establish her connections to that family, but her mother and father are unable to reciprocate so Fanny can’t do it. (She does attach to Susan).

The final chapter gives us a summary of attachments, Sir Thomas finally understands his children and is able to have meaningful relationships with three of them: Tom, Edmund, and Julia. He also realizes that Fanny is worthy to be a full participant in the family, solidified when she marries Edmund. Susan also shows the Bertram’s repaired ability to love, as she is quickly accepted as a member of the family and loved by Lady Bertram and Sir Thomas.

Henry and Mary’s “cure” and ability to be attached is incomplete. Henry doesn’t manage to stay loyal to an attachment that might have made his “happy destiny”. Mary’s fate is worse, she wanted Edmund and again, circumstances beyond her control ripped something away from her. Luckily, Mary has found a solid attachment to build from again, she has Mrs. Grant and she lives with her sister from then on (it is hinted that she marries eventually). However, Mary is still tainted by her mercenary ways and greed, as she resolves never to love a second son again.

To sum up: In Mansfield Park, those who are able to care about someone despite distance and time, are a source of good. The characters who learn to make these sort of attachments turn out the best (Sir Thomas, Lady Bertram, Julia, Tom) and those who don’t have poor outcomes (Henry, Maria, Mrs. Norris). And then we have Mary, who mostly learned her lesson but still gets screwed.

#mansfield park #fanny price #mary crawford #Henry crawford #edmund bertram #Fanny's attachments are always strong #even if the people she loves don't deserve her #I wish she was attached to a family that didn't allow rampent child abuse #long letters #William is the best brother #I didn't address him too much but be assured he's on the good side of this scale

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into-september · 11 months

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"Super Mario Bros: The Movie", "Wreck-it-Ralph", and the crucial presence of a story's purpose

If you haven't watched "Wreck-it-Ralph", I urge you to do so before reading this, because I'm gonna spoil it and it deserves better.

I promise you won't regret it.

I'm also gonna spoil "Super Mario Bros: The Movie", but it's not a spoiler to state that it stays perfectly loyal to the games, and that is all you need to know.

Two things before diving into this:

First and most importantly, this is a credo of "Wreck-it-Ralph is better", but saying "it's not as good" is not the same as "it's bad".

Second, you'll forgive me for going all post-grad literature student on you, but this is gonna talk about theme.

What is Mario Bros' problem? Why is he fighting this fight, what has he got to prove?

In the year of our girlboss 2023, it just isn't acceptable to reduce the princess to the object fought over by the male hero and the male antagonist, and so we got the interesting but ultimately meaningless conflict where Bowser has Mario's brother and wrongly believes Mario has his princess. It's about the right to violence, saving your hometown and proving the meanies who laughed at you wrong.

Problem number one: Mario's conflict goes no-where. His saving Luigi is not a struggle, is not something he does by having grown from his experiences and the lessons he learned. Him reaching Bowser's stronghold is kinda, in the most banal sense of his mastering the game mechanics as an in-story avatar of the audience who have themselves fumbled through the first few levels with the gamepad in their hands, but his fetching Luigi specifically is pure right-place-at-the-right-time coincidence. As was always obvious, of course, since his wish to save Luigi was as important as him saying "so how'll this save my brother" a whole three times to remind us that there's a reason he's not just going home. What really preoccupies Mario throughout the whole film is exploring the new world into which he's been iskeai'ed, because of course: the audience never did pay to watch a heartwarming story about brotherly love, but to see the settings of the games on the big screen.

In contrast, let's explore: What has is Wreck-it-Ralph's problem? Why is he fighting this fight, what has he got to prove?

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Ralph is an outcast, probably because he's fated to play the part of the bad guy of his game, certainly not helped by his lacking tact when faced with the people who won't see him beyond this kind of proving them right. Ralph wants to be accepted and appreciated, and starts his story in the belief that to be appreciated, he needs to stop being the bad guy and be the hero instead.

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The plot of the film is about Ralph trying to fix the mess after his first and only attempt at heroing ends in disaster. As a part of that, Ralph comes to realise that being a hero to one fellow outcast who no-one else helped means more to him than nominally being a hero by winning a game. But Ralph also does get to be a hero for real: By the end, the only thing that can save the day is the abilities which put him into the Bad Guy box he so desperately wanted to escape. He is good at wrecking things, but now he found the place where wrecking is exactly what is needed.

But theme, people. Because Ralph isn't the only one who saves the day by learning to embrace that which he wants to no longer be.

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(for the suckers who watched this without the context of having seen the rest of the film: Vanellope's has been shunned and bullied because of her glitching, which she spends the whole film trying not to do but here utilises to reach Ralph in time)

Ralph's journey into self-acceptance after seing that he is more than his destined role - and having his "bad" qualities not only accepted, but celebrated by the people who previously shunned him - is ecchoed exactly in Vanellope. It is, moreover, mirrored in the film's real bad guy - who like Ralph destroys his own game to try and be the hero of another which he also ruins. But Turbo was the hero who became a villain because he failed to accept what Ralph does at the end of their battle: that even if others might be "better" in the larger story told, you are enough as just who you are

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Turbo doesn't just take over another game in order to win glory: he abandons himself in the process, because the only way to get the fame he so wants is to be a player in the newer, shinier game. In that role he even becomes its king, and abuses that power to cast out the true princess and brand her not only as unwanted, but as a danger to the existence of the game. The root of Turbo's bad deeds isn't merely "he is evil", it is specifically his failures at accepting the lesson which lets Ralph find peace with who he is.

That being content as who you are is a necessity to thrive is perhaps best illutrated in Felix, Ralph's nemesis in game mechanics and the unknowing object of his jealousy. Felix never has known what it's like to be rejected and treated like a criminal, and that privilege lets Felix go about life with the confidence that he can fix it. Sure, we laugh at his romantic pursuit of Calhoun because hes half her height and with a goofy cartoon design, but in story? No-one thinks this is ridiculous, not even the tough-as-nails soldier whose solution to any problem is to point her gun at it. Of course the tiny janitor from the eighties platformer can land the babe from the shiny new FPS (if only she didn't come programmed with the saddest backstory ever)

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"Wreck-it-Ralph" isn't a story about winning the game by beating the bad guy and finding your princess brother in the final castle. It's a fable about seeing the worth in yourself and appreciating the people around you not by the merits of what we say needs to be celebrated, but by the good they contribute by being who they are.

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This story didn't need to happen in a video game, even though the narrative mechanics of the games help illustrate the point.

But "Super Mario Bros The Movie"? The video game franchis is the only reason that story is told. This doesn't make it a bad movie, but let's not kid ourselves: if the hero wasn't Mario and the villain wasn't Bowser, this film would not have been something we talked about on tumblr. It's fine! It's fun! But except for a memetic moment of Bowser serenading Peach, there is absolutely nothing memorable about it.

#storytelling #wreck-it-ralph #super mario bros the movie #disney #blah #Youtube

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thesoulesscollection · 1 year

Note

I think the old men trio should go out dancing and be dumb. They deserve it, yeah?

I kept this one shot short and sweet but I'm having fun exploring this ship so thank you again.

Although it was rare for all three to get even a single day off, more a whole weekend and being able to spend it together was a treat they won't waste.

Now instead of spending it at home, in their living room watching either cheesy rom coms or action movies, the trio decided to go out to the local town. Originally it was meant to be a simple date.

They knew some would raise an eyebrow at, when they chose a classic bar attached with an extravagant dance room. One they knew and went to for years prior.

Quentin and Canterbury went first, hand in hand with one another, shamelsss in their relationship status. A loyal couple consisted of three queer old men. Out the three, they're more quicker on their feet, able to stay with the flow and rhythm. They meshed together well, their moves played off each other, hips swinging back to forth, feet tapping against the tiled floor. Soon as time goes on, they began to slow down to catch their breath.

"You outdid yourself, Cats" Quentin chuckled, breathless, clearly tipsy.

"Well, my dear. After years of my childhood to teens taking plenty of classes in my day, it's like second nature to me"

"Yeah…" Humming softly, Quentin is fond of his partner's refined extravagance, "... For an old man, you do have it still"

Naturally sharp, piercing eyes softened not bothered, more amused even at the man's sly, teasing comment. "You as well. No one quite keeps up with me like you do" He rests his head on top of Quentin's, hands around the other's waist as they slowly dance to the soft music.

"Why thank you. You taught me well"

"At least you were a lot easier to teach. With Hershell, he's as stubborn as a bull. A bull in a China shop" Both men shamelessly laugh, caring less if it broke up the reserved, silent air around them.

"He tries. Got to give him that one" Quentin replies with a lazy shrug, "Not our fault nor is his he's built like a lumbering tree with no perception"

"Speaking of. Where is he then? He should be back now with our drinks?" Curiosty got the better of Canterbury, whipping his head up and around towards the bar room, "Do you think he may be lost?"

"Lost? Really? How can we loose an almost seven foot giant here?" Quentin pipes up, sarcasm oozing into his voice.

"I know. But we both know he can get so easily sidetracked"

"Unless his mind on firmly set on something he has no problem with it. He'll return to us soon" Despite rolling his eyes, an involuntary bodily twitch maybe, Quentin still reassured Canterbury on the matter.

Truth be told, Quentin was right when twenty minutes later, Hershell, bewildered, returns with three drinks in hand.

"Sorry I'm late" As he's passing the drinks to his partners, his own placed on top the small circualr table beaide them, Hershell mentally recovered, a goofy lopsided grin on his face. "There was an arcade right next door"

"Of course there is and you went?" Cats sighs.

Once a small sip passed his lips, rich alcohol burning his throat came a quizzical reply from Quentin, "It took you nearly a half an hour or more to get our drinks"

"At least I got them. So you're welcome"

"You're a dense as hell, dumbell"

"But you'll love me" Hersh says, brazenly he touches the bare hot skin under Quentin's jacket. "You two can't ever get enough of me" The other, carefully slow this time, holds on to Canterbury's own, squeezing it lightly.

"Of course, we do. Don't we?" Canterbury cuts in before Quentin can.

Hershell's grin widened, looking eagerly over at Quentin.

"We do"

Hershell leans in then thinks, drawing back, "Nice. I love you two, too"

#Answered Ask #catisteard #Ask Away #Thsc Fic #Thsc Au #Henry Stickmin Collection #The Henry Stickmin Collection #Grumpy Old Men #Grumpy Old Trio #Quentin Alabaster #Hershell Panzer #Hj Canterbury #Domestic Fluff #Goofy Love #Poly Love #Romantic Fluff #Alcohol Ment Tw #Dancing

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beckyh2112 · 1 year

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I am way overdue

Is there place to read bios/descriptions of your Dai Li characters?

P.S. Cycled back into old favourites. Xiang’s always been kinda my #1

Don't worry, I'm apparently incapable of answering these things in a timely manner.

I don't think there's a currently existing place to read bios/descriptions, but I can paste the stuff from my Avatar OC files below a cut here.

Qin: (Chinese, 'descendant of the Qin Dynasty' or 'from the state of Qin') A Dai Li captain. Promoted three years after the Siege. Dusky skin, hooked nose, dark hair, dark green eyes. Knack for crystal-bending, as well as a master earthbender. He was the one who was crystal-bending Iroh most of the time. Azula picked him out as her 'pet' Dai Li, much to his unhappiness. Astrologically is a Metal Tiger. (29 during the series.) When they discovered his crystalbending, his parents tried to sell him to the highest bidder. It was called an 'apprenticeship', but in this case, that was nice legal talk to hide some very illegal things. However, the then-head of the Dai Li stepped in and retrieved Qin, having him fostered somewhere else with the understanding that if he had the earthbending power to go with the crystalbending, he'd join the Dai Li when he reached the correct age. He now has an especial devotion to seeking out other crystalbenders in Ba Sing Se.

Xiang: (Chinese, 'auspicious, lucky') A Dai Li captain. Promoted shortly before the Siege broke out. Past-broken nose, dark brown eyes, dark brown hair, short beard. Resentful of Hyo's position as second-in-command. Dislikes Jae for being Long Feng's pet boy. Doesn't like other people in general. Is generally an unpleasant bastard, but he has a memory as good as Long Feng's, he works hard, and he's a strong earthbender. Fond of making earthquakes. Astrologically is a Fire Dog. (33 during the series.) Xiang is good with the ladies, as long as they're happy with one-night stands or fuckbuddy relationships, and they can put up with his tendency to get jealous when other people flirt with them while they're out with him. His identical twin brother is a high-ranking Earth Kingdom soldier. They do not speak to each other, even under pain of death. In fact, the only member of Xiang's family he still speaks to is his sister. However, that is being curtailed as her husband doesn't want his children being influenced by the Dai Li.

Rui: (Chinese, 'lucky') Xiang's twin. Strong earthbender with a nasty temper. Captain in the Army. Astrologically is a Fire Dog. (33 during the series.)

Jae: (Korean, 'respect') A Dai Li captain. One of Long Feng's hand-picked Dai Li. Promoted five years after the Siege. Loyal and fanatically devoted to Long Feng. He has been favored by Long Feng more than many, though that usually results in getting more difficult assignments and less rest. Skillful and lucky with dice, cards, and game tiles/stones. Chestnut brown hair, brown eyes. Astrologically is a Wood Sheep. (24 during the series.) Jae is a soldier's son. He greatly upset his father when he joined the Dai Li instead of the Army. He upset his father even more when his father discovered he was gay, which wound up with Jae being disowned. They don't speak to each other. He will sometimes write to his mother. Daiyu is his cousin, but she's on walkabout so he never sees her. Jae has been a Dai Li only for the Siege and the last six years, which were some of the worst years of being a Dai Li. Combined with his own family abandonment issues, this makes Jae distinctly "fuck it" about what any non-Dai Li thinks of him or the organization. He has a job to do, and he will do it, and God help anyone who hurts one of his people.

Daiyu: (Chinese, 'black jade') A wandering earthbuilder. Her father was a soldier in Ba Sing Se, and she helped hold the wall during the siege six years ago. Jae is her cousin. Nowadays, she offers her services as a professional earthbender wherever she goes. Her knack and her experiences have made her a powerful building earthbender, though not much of a fighter. Astrologically is an Earth Dog. (21 during the series.)

Sang Min: (Korean, 'aid and cleverness') A Dai Li agent under Jae. Jae's partner and lover. Vulgar, but mostly cheery and good-natured. Has a soft eastern accent. Astrologically is a Fire Monkey. (23 during the series.)

Kyung: (Korean, 'honored') A Dai Li agent. Green eyes. Chatri's mentor. Trainee at the same time Hyo was. He did not return to Ba Sing Se with the other Dai Li after the end of the War. Troubled by the Dai Li's apparent betrayal of the city they had sworn to protect, he remained in the Fire Nation, eventually finding his way to Shrine Springs Shrine. There he took up meditation before the Winter Koi as a way to soothe his troubled spirit, and made friends with the young Fire Sage Seiji.

Duyi: (Chinese, 'extraordinary one') A Dai Li agent under Xiang. Got pickpocketed by Lanh, which is how the Dai Li wound up discovering the boy. Deft on his feet even when he isn't using rock-boots to bond with stone. A good eye for detail and patience to go through all sorts of paperwork and comprehend what he's looking at. Tai's partner. Astrologically is a Wood Horse. (25 during the series.) He thinks women dressed as men are hot.

Tai: (Chinese, 'great') A Dai Li agent under Xiang. One of Long Feng's hand-picked Dai Li. Used to be a tailor's son before he became Dai Li, so has a deft eye for cloth and clothing, as well as a deft hand with a needle and thread. Duyi's partner. Hazel eyes. Astrologically is an Earth Dog. (21 during the series.)

Niran: (Thai, 'everlasting, eternal') A Dai Li mindbender under Liu. Extremely skilled and lucky with the ladies (or men if he turned his mind to it), unlucky with everything else. He has a tendency to be unlucky in ways that are beneficial to the world at large in the long run but extremely unpleasant for him in the immediate situation. Doesn't like Jae. Has an extremely casual, slangy way of speaking. His family works the Agrarian Zone, living at the outer edge of the Lower Ring. Unlike many Dai Li, he maintains a friendly relationship with his family, including doing earthbending for them and helping on the farm. Astrologically is a Fire Monkey. (23 during the series.)

Liu: (Chinese, 'flowing') A Dai Li captain. Took a bad fireblast across the face during the Siege, and now his throat and lower face are half-melted masses of scar tissue. He cannot speak. He can only consume fluids and thin gruel. He uses his earthbending to write in walls when he needs to convey complicated things, and resorts to sign language and body language for simple things. He does not work much in the Palace, Upper Ring, and Middle Ring of the city. He is often in Lake Laogai. He wears a scarf to conceal his face. Green eyes. Black hair streaked with light grey/white. Astrologically is a Fire Ox. (42 years old during series.) Liu is a sumi-e painter and calligrapher. He was trained since childhood to be a scholar. His parents were very proud he was chosen to be a Dai Li, but by the end of his trainee period, they half-feared him. Their fear increased over the years, so he has slowly dropped all connections to his family. They think he died in the Siege, and he has had no reason to tell them otherwise. He wears a ring of chrysocolla, a blue-green copper stone, which has healing energies and works with the fifth chakra -- the throat chakra. It can help with infections, especially of the throat, and assist in speeding the recovery from burns. Mi-Cha made it for him.

Bae: (Korean, 'inspiration') A Dai Li agent. A mindbender under Liu, one of the better normal ones. Pretty much Xin Wan's second. He is afraid he will wind up like Xin Wan when he becomes the Chief Mindbender. Also, tends to try to use Niran's girlbending powers for evil and/or lulz. Astrologically is a Fire Dog. (33 years old during the series.) As a child and teenager, he had a real knack for convincing people of unlikely things and talking his way out of trouble. This caught some of the Dai Li's attention and when he finished his training, it was found he had a knack for mindbending. Promoted to captain after Hyo's return from the Fire Nation.

Hyun Su: (Korean, 'long life') A Dai Li agent under Qin. Alak's roommate after the boy's family disowns him. Has a scar down his right cheek. Brown eyes and brown hair. Quiet man. Plays the koto. He's apparently a vegetarian, though not an uber-strict one. He'll eat meat when politeness demands he must, but he won't eat it otherwise. He keeps a container vegetable garden, which definitely includes calypso beans and dragon carrots. He's the one Iroh grabbed to bring to the Avatar to question during "Crossroads of Destiny". By the time the eclipse rolls around, he's gotten fed up with being pushed around by Firefolk. Astrologically is a Wood Sheep. (24 during the series.) Promoted to captain after his return from the Fire Nation.

Xin Wan: (Chinese, 'mind/heart bend') The Chief Mindbender of the Dai Li. Joo Dee smiles like he does. He greatly enjoys playing with his prey, but he obeys Long Feng and Hyo. Physically utterly average. Brown eyes. Brown hair. His skill with mindbending is on the amazing side. He can mindbend people with only a candle for his equipment, as long as he can hold them in place to look at the flame and listen to his voice. This has led to Long Feng and Hyo enforcing celibacy on him, since he's perfectly capable of reprogramming people to fit his sexual kinks. And he is extremely kinky. (Liu possesses some paintings of Xin Wan in various encounters that ensure Xin Wan will obey the enforced celibacy since he doesn't want them to get out.) Astrologically is a Metal Sheep. (48 during the series.) He views and treats the Joo Dees as his pretty dolls. Has a hobby of making music boxes and is a rather skilled woodworker. When he was fifteen, he did not live in Ba Sing Se. He also was the one who crippled Seneschal Kajizu's hand. She was trying to fireblast someone when he spiked it to a bloody mess with stone. No clear details other than that. A year later, though, he was in Ba Sing Se. He was an illiterate peasant immigrant, running from the Fire Nation's invasion. Not sure if there was anyone else with him. Three months to a year after he arrived in Ba Sing Se, he became a Dai Li trainee. At twenty-three years old, he demonstrated that he can mindbend people with nothing but a candle and a dark room. After that, he was confined to the Upper Ring except on Dai Li business or with special permission from Long Feng or his second. Xin Wan has not seen or communicated with anyone in his family since then. He is heading towards suicidal depression from the confinement, though like many depressives, he does his best to keep it hidden.

Myung Dae: (Korean, 'right and great') A Dai Li agent. Builder-trained. Dark brown eyes that are almost black, dark brown hair, square face with a nose that's been broken in the past. He did not return to Ba Sing Se with the other Dai Li. Instead, he found his way to Red Chrysanthemum Island where he settled in with a local carpenter and his family. He worked to help raise houses and court one of the local women.

Klahan: (Thai, 'courageous') A Dai Li agent. One of the two 'bending as partners against Toph in "Lake Laogai".

Makisig: (Tagalog, 'handsome, manly') A Dai Li agent. One of the two 'bending as partners against Toph in "Lake Laogai". His family came to Ba Sing Se as refugees. He is of mixed Water and Earth blood, though it's his father who was the halfblood. Northern rather than Southern. His name is quite correct.

In-Su: (Korean, 'preserving wisdom') A Dai Li agent. He did not return to Ba Sing Se with the other Dai Li. Instead, he eventually wound up on Jagged Coast Island, pulling cons with a firebender named Mazaru. Unfortunately, they got caught.

Kidlat: (Tagalog, 'lightning') A Dai Li agent. His specialty is rock-skating, and he's generally pretty fast. Trained with Jae. Astrologically is a Wood Sheep. (24 during the series.) Graffiti artist. Went by Shi Quan ("stone fist") as a tagger before the Dai Li picked him up. His parents were refugees. They worked hard and didn't buck the system and managed to move to the Middle Ring. He's the youngest of four. [Pux OC]

Rithisak: (Cambodian, 'mighty') A Dai Li agent. Trained with Hyo. Has since retired to Ba Sing Se University, likely due to an injury. He no longer wears the distinguishing Dai Li queue. [Pux OC]

Lanh: (Vietnamese, 'quick-minded, smart; streetwise') Dai Li trainee. Citizen of Ba Sing Se; former pickpocket and still kleptomaniac. Speed-bender, tends to go in and out and leave chaos in his wake. Skilled at sleight of hand. Astrologically is a Water Tiger. (17 during the series.) [Pux OC] Very average. Brown hair, brown eyes, lean, his hair's about to his shoulder blades. Lighter-skinned than Jet. Narrow face, high cheekbones.

Chatri: (Thai, 'brave knight') Dai Li trainee. Noble refugee from Omashu; very sensitive to changes in the earth. Tracks people with his feet; can tell fire from earth from water, normal from bender, just by the way they walk. Astrologically is a Water Rabbit. (16 during the series.) [Pux OC] Red-brown hair, hazel eyes, muscular, constantly angry (not unlike a certain firebender…), shaggy hair just starting to reach that stage of "cut me or I will be a bush!" Chatri's father is named Aran. He's a dickwad. Tends to focus more on a noble's privileges than on their duties.

Alak: (Thai, 'world; beautiful tresses') Dai Li trainee. Third-generation citizen of Ba Sing Se; specialises in quantity rather than size: multiple projectiles vs an earthquake or a slab. Green eyes. Astrologically is a Water Rabbit. (16 during the series.) [Pux OC] Quiet and nice. One of the good men in the Dai Li.

Thanh: (Vietnamese, 'achieved, accomplished') A Dai Li captain getting on in the years who retired sometime between the end of the Siege and the beginning of the series. He currently maintains the Dai Li's museum, which is a mix between deskwork and hands-on-work and supervision of various people. He also teaches history at the Ba Sing Se University. Master of the cluster f-bomb. He mentored Long Feng and Xin Wan, considering them both a pair of 'his' boys: his golden boy and his failed boy. He currently mentors Alak, his quiet boy.

Chet: The Dai Li Commander before Hyo. Murdered at the beginning of the Siege of Ba Sing Se. He was a trainee with Long Feng and Xin Wan. Upper Ring, much more polished than either the street rat or the peasant. More powerful of an earthbender than Long Feng, but not as skilled as a fighter. He was part of the conspiracy that murdered the Fifty-First Earth King, and the last survivor until Long Feng figured out. He was also the only one of the conspirators who thought Long Feng could get the regency. Long Feng had a side-project of killing, exiling, or beggaring the conspirators as he discovered them. However, Chet never thought that would happen to him. He figured he'd covered his tracks too well, and even if Long Feng did find out, what was he going to do? Chet was a loyal subordinate and a friend since they were teens. He gave Long Feng the Earth Kingdom by killing the Earth King. (He did not do what he did for Long Feng, but he did factor the benefits to Long Feng into things.) Long Feng murdered him with a knife. It's still a cold case in Ba Sing Se.

#atla #bextalk

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cranky-kyrati · 2 years

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Have you ever toyed with the idea (an AU of sorts) of Ying-Yang during the events of FC4? Like if she were there before Ajay showed up and watched as Pagan dealt with him and the others around them?

Gahhh this is such a fun question!!!!!! it's been bouncing around my brain since i saw it and i think it finally settled :DDD

(Spoilers for published parts of Pagan Poetry below!)

Pre-FC4 events

The events of Pagan Poetry (at least the first three acts) could easily have taken place before FC4. In fact the first act could probably play out pretty much exactly the same. The main difference would be that Pagan would have been traveling to the city from Kyrat to meet with the contractors, and probably not spent quite as much time there (though still a fair bit, and just letting Eric handle his royal duties in the meantime). Then he would have brought Yang-yang to Kyrat instead of the islands, and that's where things would start diverging more.

Being brought to the royal palace of Kyrat would obviously be a very different experience for Yang-yang, and probably a heckton more traumatic. She'd be exposed to Pagan's malign neglect of the country first-hand, and she'd meet his god-awful lieutenants.* She'd still probably end up in exactly the same place, emotionally, but it would be a much darker journey.

Enter Ajay!

There's a few different possibilities for what might happen when Ajay arrives, but I think the scenario that appeals most to me is this: Pagan brings Yang-yang to the dinner at Paul's compound. Perhaps he's thinking it'll put Ajay more at ease to have someone near his own age there. She's very quiet and tense, and Ajay barely notices her until after they're left alone together when Pagan goes to call Yuma.

Ajay takes one look at Yang-yang and decides she's no threat, and so he gets up to leave. She follows him, trying to convince him to stay, telling him Pagan really looked forward to seeing him and just wants to talk. When they encounter Sabal and shit hits the fan, Sabal decides to take the opportunity to grab a hostage.

(Putting the rest below a cut because this is getting long lol)

Pagan is obviously quite furious that the Golden Path stole his favourite pet. Gary manages to convince him to do nothing, pointing out that she would quite likely end up getting hurt or killed if they tried to get her back, and that it's better if the Golden Path don't think she's that valuable in the first place. Besides, she's crafty, who knows what she might come up with as their prisoner?

Meanwhile Yang-yang is questioned by the Golden Path leaders and Ajay, and puts up no resistance. She's loyal to Pagan but not to his regime, and either way she doesn't really know anything important. She keeps telling Ajay that Pagan meant to hand the country over to him and leave, but they assume she's lying or deluded.

She is kept first in Banapur and then moved to the Ghale homestead (after Sabal and Amita have decided they're not getting anything useful out of her). Ajay finds himself checking in on her more and more frequently. Her company is soothing to him, as she's like literally the only person in Kyrat who isn't trying to get him to do dangerous and morally questionable shit for them.

Eventually, he tells her about his mother's last wish, and she kinda just gapes at him and goes, "Uh. Lakshmana was Ishwari's and Pagan's daughter. Your half sister. Your father killed her, her shrine is in the royal palace. I'm sure Pagan would have taken you straight there if you'd just, you know. Stayed."

That's as far as I've gotten, and this is where events would start diverging from canon for real! xD

*) Re the lieutenants and how they'd relate to Yang-yang: Yuma would likely despise her for a weak excuse of a woman. She wouldn't find her nearly as threatening as Ishwari, but she might try to use her against Pagan at some point. Noore would perhaps feel pity for her but be too wrapped up in her own misery to care much.

Paul would probably lust after her. In fact, he might serve as a "threat" that makes her see Pagan as someone who can protect her, making her more attached to him. Paul would then serve the same sort of purpose as the DD/lg dynamic does in Act II of PaPo.

There, the introduction of DD/lg serves as a sort of emotional bridge between Pagan and Yang-yang. It allows her to feel like she's not entirely without agency, and offers moments of tenderness between the two of them. If Yang-yang had been brought to Kyrat instead, I doubt it could have happened the same way, if at all. I suspect they would have headed straight for the "deeper" waters they are currently about to explore in Act III, with Yang-yang seeking solace in helplessness.

So if Paul tries to "seduce" her away from Pagan and she feels like she's given an alternative in him, that might provide that sense of agency that DD/lg does in PaPo, allowing her to feel like she's choosing Pagan over a potentially much worse fate.

#pagan poetry fic #pagan poetry au #pagan min #ajay ghale #yangzai #sabal #amita #yuma lau #far cry 4

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maplerin99821 · 3 years

Text

Mammon doesn’t say “I love you”

Mammon doesn’t say it. He’s too embarrassed to say it, especially to his brothers. Oh, specifically, his brothers. But with his human, he never thinks twice and always mutter those three words to them.

But, that doesn’t mean Mammon doesn’t love his brothers.

Lucifer? Mammon always, always, help his big brother in secret. Because he knows no matter how much Mammon do good things in front of his big brother, he’ll never get the praise he wanted, or the affection he deserved. So, as much as possible, Mammon handles difficult things so it won’t burden Lucifer. He always hide his debt not because Lucifer will scold him, but because he doesn’t want to add stress to the Avatar of Pride.

Back in the celestial realm, Mammon had always brag about how much he loves his older brother. But that changed, it drifted the two apart, but that doesn’t mean Mammon doesn’t love him anymore.

He does, in a form of always being there for the eldest. Ready to take on tasks and responsibilities (even sacrifices) so Lucifer won’t feel alone.

Leviathan? his sweet younger brother. He used to sing lullabies to Levi whenever the latter had a nightmare. Mammon, as much as possible, tried to be the best and loving brother Leviathan could ask for. Lucifer is already strict, and Mammon doesn’t want Levi to experience that kind of big brother. Lucifer doesn’t praise him as much as before, so that’s why whenever Leviathan (or his much younger brothers) did something— Mammon would always cheer for them.

Mammon will always listen to Leviathan, he’ll always understand his needs. Whenever his younger brother feels left out; Mammon will notice him, but in a way where he teased Levi so much that they’re both causing a ruckus. Mammon doesn’t show his love to Levi directly, but the idea of him watching the Avatar of Envy from afar is already good enough. Leviathan clings into him because Mammon is still his big brother, no matter the circumstances nor how many insults were thrown. He trust Mammon very much. And the latter will support him no matter what, even behind the insults he exchange with Levi.

Mammon loves Leviathan in a form that he’ll show him affection, and notice him in his darkest of days.

Satan? It’s a bit hard for Mammon to show his affection to the Avatar of Wrath. Because he feels like Satan’s a big boy now— a gentleman rather. He remembers the time he used to take care of Satan with Asmodeus’s company. He’ll always explore the library with Satan, introducing him new books, but mostly letting him read the books he’s interested in. Mammon doesn’t force Satan with his choices, he’s just there to guide him.

No matter what Satan does, Mammon doesn’t judge him. Even with the insults Satan sometimes states, it doesn’t affect Mammon because he knows he would be that kind of understanding older brother. In terms of anger, Satan always admires Mammon. Of how he never once let anyone break him. The patience Mammon has to not break into his demon form is astounding. Satan respected him for that.

Mammon adores his little brother, the first one to accept that Satan is not Lucifer. Satan is Satan. Asmodeus was the second one, loving Satan in his language.

Mammon knows Satan can handle himself now, but he’ll always be present in his life.

Asmodeus, the one whom he always watch the sunset with. He used to take Asmodeus in all the beautiful places in the Celestial Realm. He’d always give him time, sometimes abandoning his responsibilities (sorry Michael!) just so Asmodeus wouldn’t feel lonely. He’ll always tell Asmodeus how pretty he is, and how the sunset that’s basking underneath them gives Asmo the beauty of an unforgettable jewel.

Mammon will always accompany his brother wherever they go; he even invites Asmodeus in a sneaky way, in a way that Asmo will see it as an invitation instead of a bonding. Because Mammon knows Asmo changed after the fall, but he’ll always be his baby brother.

Mammon will not hesitate to say Asmodeus is pretty in his own way. Despite the insults and harsh comments the latter says at his big brother, Mammon always know what words to say to the Avatar of Lust on his worst days. Beelzebub, his ever so loving younger brother. Mammon remembers how he always make Beel all the delicious recipes he knows. And when in times that the younger one is not in the mood— Mammon knows what to do. Sometimes, he even takes Belphegor with them while he bakes.

Mammon loves baking, he might not be the best chef out there, but he knows how to bake. He took classes with Simeon back in his time in the Celestial Realm. He loves seeing the smile on Beelzebub’s face whenever the latter eats his baked products. All in all, Mammon loves his baby brother, the Avatar of Gluttony, and how much he enjoys watching Beel eats his food—smiling in satisfaction after finishing it.

Nothing changed much, Beel never once disrespected Mammon. Not once did he insult him too much. Despite having a lot of big brothers; He’ll always listen to Mammon, especially if it’s something emotional. He listens to the advice Mammon gives him, and never once doubt him. He knows when and where Mammon is serious or not.

Mammon loves the twins; he’ll always stargazed with them, even together with Lilith.

Belphegor, Mammon used to be so close to him. But after everything, it created a crack, a crack that Mammon is scared that he’s trembling whenever he stepped to hard. But he took the risk, for the Avatar of Sloth. He knows how much Lucifer is strict, that’s why Mammon took it in himself that he’ll always let his younger brothers let loose, but with limitations, of course. He’ll sing, from time to time, intentionally near any place where Belphie might be sleeping. Mammon, in his own communication to Belphie, reassures him that everything will be alright.

He’s soft, and very much protective of the twins. (Especially after Lilith fell.) Mammon always looks out for Belphegor, always has his arms open for him. He always made his bed comfortable, so whenever Belphie will sleep walk to his room, his hugs and pillows are ready. He’s always there to comfort him, to be there with him. Mammon doesn’t care about the insults anymore, as long as Belphie stil has trust and depends on him (even if it’s not evident) Mammon can rest without worry.

Lilith, his beloved baby sister. Mammon always had a special place of her in his heart. He always adores her sister. Lilith is Mammon’s guardian, despite that he’s the eldest between them. Lilith understood Mammon, gave him time and loved him genuinely. Lilith looks up to all his big brothers, but of course in different perspectives and ways. Lilith looks up to Mammon in terms of emotional and mental help. Mammon knows what to say and do in such situations.

Mammon knows Lilith is happy, somewhere in another universe or timeline, Mammon will be fine as long as Lilith is living her best life out there.

Mammon will always be loyal to Lucifer. He’ll always buy Leviathan the merchandise and stuff the latter had missed. The second born will absorb himself into new books so that Satan could have someone to share his opinions with. He’ll always accompany Asmodeus whenever he goes shopping for clothes. He’ll be happy to bake more food for Beelzebub. He won’t hesitate to sing another lullaby to Belphegor. He’ll always remember Lilith.

And you? His human. Mammon loves you with all his heart. He loves you from the moon and back. He understands you, and when you said you need time and space, he’ll respect that. Mammon always act defensive whenever you reciprocated that love that he deserve, it’s not like he doesn’t appreciate that, he’s just not used to it that he doesn’t know what to react. But he’ll always remind you that you are his first. Nothing will change that. Under the stars, under the big blue sky, or everywhere you go. As long as you are there, he will mutter those three words.

love

you

830 notes · View notes

shreddedparchment · 3 years

Text

A Wife for Thor Pt.24

What She’s Done

05/19/2021

Pairing: King!Thor x Reader Word Count: 5,590

Warnings: language, angst, fluff, Loki being the best bro, pregnancy problems

A/N: I’m sorry this is so late. I’m not going to explain too much as I want the focus to be on the chapter but I’m feeling better. Hope you all enjoy this one and I hope you can forgive me. haha As always, if you happen to reblog, thanks so much for helping me spread my work! xoxo

Please DO NOT repost my work on any other sites or blogs!

REBLOGS are always welcome!

The sound of the fanfare outside is muted. The heavy doors of the main room are shut.

Thor sits on his large steel, silver, and wooden throne. Normally, your own throne would have been moved into the room so that you could sit beside him. Today however, he wants you standing.

Loki stands on Thor’s left, his hands moving across his tablet at godly speeds. He’s busy. Always busy. While Thor has the final say, Loki sets everything up for him and comes to him with the choices that must be made.

He’s indispensable and both you and Thor know it. So, when the large doors are thrown open and Thor takes his hand off of your lower waist where he’d been massaging the knots away, as Ambassador Coates walks forward, you glare right at him and his judging distrustful look at the sight of Asgard’s Prince.

The music outside, large horns that sound more like a call to battle, slowly die and are completely cut off when the doors are shut. Just outside you know two Valkyrie are standing guard.

Inside, two more regular guards stand at attention.

“Ambassador Coates, I’m glad you saw fit to accept my invitation,” Thor says casually.

One wouldn’t know that Thor is angry. He sounds so welcoming. The charm he’s exuding is one you’ve never seen him use before but Loki doesn’t seem surprised by it. Instead, Loki’s lips seem to curve upwards a little in the teeniest smirk.

The Ambassador does as he’s expected and once he’s near the foot of the raised wooden floor where Thor’s throne sits, he gives a quick bow meeting first Thor’s singular eye and then your own blank gaze.

Keeping your anger in check is easy. You’re able to wipe your face of all emotion and it’s a skill now that you’re glad you learned in the orphanage you’d grown up in. Never letting anyone know how sad or hurt you are was key to your survival.

“Your Majesties,” the ambassador states, the irritation in his voice loud and clear for all of you to hear.

It looks like Thor’s plan to roll out the red carpet as if the ambassador were visiting royalty got his message across clearly.

“I hope I find you in good health? Are you faring well with the pregnancy?”

You don’t answer him. You simply stare.

“We’re well enough,” Thor begins. “Forgive me in my haste to get to the point, Ambassador Coates but as I hear it from my brother, you have been making it very difficult for Her Majesty the Queen of Asgard to meet with you, despite her warnings that what she had to share was imperative to the safety of Earth and human-kind.”

The ambassador blinks. He doesn’t attempt to speak or react in any other way than to show that he’s processing Thor’s words. All signs of irritation at his welcome gone.

“Would you say that is a fair statement for her having sent, what was it? Four emails and three phone calls?” Thor asks Loki.

“Seven emails and four phone calls,” he corrects.

“Right. Seven and four.”

“Your Majesty…”

“I think you have been under the impression that my marriage to my wife has been one in name only. She’s Queen but not really? Right? She has no power or authority? Is that what you think?”

Ambassador Coates swallows hard, sweat beading along his temples. He’s not a stout man. In fact, most women would think him good looking. Nothing to Thor or Loki, but for a human he’s handsome. His sweating in this climate makes no sense unless he’s suddenly stressed.

Maybe you shouldn’t feel bad but you do just a bit. You can’t imagine what he must feel being scrutinized by Thor, yourself, and Loki. Clearly he did something wrong and now he knows it.

“Your Majesties, I-I meant no offense. Unfortunately this is a busy time for myself and my colleagues and-”

“We have no time for your excuses,” Thor sits up straighter and draws his legs a little closer together before he licks his lips and holds his hand out towards you.

Taking it, you watch him get up and then he helps you sit before checking on you, “Better, cherub?”

You nod, looking up at him as he caresses the side of your head.

“The only reason you hold the job that you currently do is because my people and I chose to settle on Earth. You might say you owe it to us. Perhaps you’d still have been employed should we not have come here but from what I understand, your salary is considerably more than what it would have been were you in some other position.

“You are married and have children, too. Don’t you?” Thor asks.

“Y-Yes, Your Majesty.”

“So, it’s important to keep your job. Isn’t it?”

He says nothing, this time simply looking down at Thor’s feet.

“My wife is not just Queen in name but she has been exemplary in her devotion of ruling the people of Asgard at my side with honor and grace. The people love her. I’m not sure what made you think you could slight an Asgardian Queen but let me be clear. If our people should find out that there was such disrespect, believe me when I tell you that the loss of your job would be the last thing you’d have to worry about.”

“And just to be clear,” Loki cuts in as Thor’s taking a breath. “My brother is not threatening you. This is a statement of fact. We Asgardians are fiercely loyal and easily offended.”

You like that Ambassador Coates isn’t glaring at Loki anymore. The fear in his eyes is worrying, but you also know that your husband and brother would do nothing to actually hurt this idiot. They’re just making sure he knows where he stands.

Thor crosses his large arms across his wide chest. Though you don’t think he means it to be intimidating, you can see from the ambassador’s gulp that Thor’s minor flex has great impact.

Gods, he’s huge.

“As it just so happens, aside from being a Queen without fault to this kingdom, the Queen of Asgard has seen fit to continue to perform in her duties as the bridge between our two peoples. She refuses to let us make decisions for the human race and was attempting to contact you to warn you of impending dangers. And you, what was the phrase, love?”

“Blew me off.”

“That’s right, you blew her off. And yet we welcome you with respect and grace.”

“Your Majesties,” the ambassador begins, but Thor holds up his hand and he stops.

“Let this be a lesson in humility for you. I love Earth and for that reason alone, in addition to the fact that this is my wife’s home and now mine, we will forgive this lapse of judgement on your part,” you’ve never heard Thor sound more like a King than in this moment.

It’s also one of those moments where you really want to drag him back to the room and get him naked. He’s never been this attractive.

The ambassador bows his head, taking his punishment with dignity.

“Forgive me, your Majesties,” he begins to say something, but then stops himself.

“Speak your mind, Ambassador Coates,” Loki urges, seeing something you and Thor don’t.

“I merely wish to apologize for my lack of forethought. I was not the only one dismissing Her Majesty the Queen of Asgard but will be sure to rectify the behavior with my colleagues when I return.”

Loki smiles, turning his gentle gaze on you as he realizes that you were right. It wasn’t misogyny. Not on Ambassador Coates’s part. That might not be the case for everyone though.

“Perhaps I should schedule meetings with your colleagues so that we might have a quick talk about the expectations we have for our relationship going forward?”

Loki’s threat is veiled heavily, but Ambassador Coates still picks up on it and his face goes a little pale.

“I don’t think that’s necessary, Your Highness. I will pass along the sentiments, if you will let me.”

There’s a burning satisfaction in your chest. Something about watching Ambassador Coates finally show not just you but Loki the respect he deserves makes you so happy.

“My Queen?” Loki prompts you, looking to you to wait for your reply.

“I think we can give him a chance to express our disappointment for us. He is our ambassador. Isn’t that right Ambassador Coates?”

Coates looks relieved, pressing his hand to his chest as he bows his head to you again.

It’s a strange sensation to see the gratitude on his face and his posture relaxes as a result. You literally just did that. You gave him some forgiveness and it really does make all the difference.

“I will support you and the Asgardian throne with more fervor from here on out, Your Majesty.”

“Cool,” you shrug, reaching to place your hand on the back of Thor’s neck, absolutely beaming at him.

He chuckles and puts his hand back on your waist, giving you a gentle squeeze and shake.

“Are you happy, my cherub?”

You nod, unable to contain the smile that stretches across your lips and you lean into him.

“Good. My job here is done then. Now, I have some things to do,” Thor rises and moves around until he’s facing you and pulls you up into a chaste but loving kiss.

With a caress to your belly, he looks at Loki and nods.

“I’ll leave the rest to you and my Queen, brother.”

“Sif will meet you by the docks,” Loki nods.

“Wonderful. I’ll see you later, love. If you need me, just tell Loki and I will come running.”

“‘Kay,” you smile.

Thor turns back to your guest and moves towards him, clapping his shoulder as he passes, “Do better, Ambassador Coates. Do better.”

All three of you watch Thor strut for the large front doors. The guard opens it for him and when he’s out of sight, the doors shutting behind him, you move to take your seat on the throne. Loki scoots a little closer to your side but stands with his tablet ready.

“Now, I think we should get down to the reason I wanted to meet with you,” you start and Ambassador Coates stands a little straighter. “But...I don’t know about you but this whole towering over you sitting on a throne thing is not really my style and feels a little forced. Let’s go to my sitting room.”

Loki smirks as Ambassador Coates relaxes a little more and even smiles, “Yes, Your Majesty.”

As the three of you walk up the steps to the right of the throne room to climb up to the small sitting room that had been set aside for you and your private entertaining, you steal a few glances at Ambassador Coates.

He still looks a little rattled and you stroke your stomach, the long silk dress you’re wearing, ruffled skirt and loose waist giving it a soft flowing quality is still noticeable and Ambassador Coates steals a few glances.

“Didn’t think I was really pregnant?”

He blanches, “What? N-No, Your Majesty! I had no reason to doubt you.”

“It’s okay. A lot of people didn’t believe it until I came back from my little vacation. I just wanted to make sure that it would take. We’re all so dependent on this little one and a lot is riding on my having Thor’s heir quickly.”

“No one who has seen you rule since your marriage would doubt your commitment to this union, Y/N,” Loki assures you gently.

He’s your number one supporter and you’re so damn grateful for him.

All three of you fall into silence but with your heavy belly and your slow walk, it stretches on.

“I’m sorry about Thor’s enthusiasm to put you in your place,” you give Coates a small apologetic smile but he quickly shakes his head. “He can be a little passionate.”

“No, Your Majesty, the mistake was mine. I should have paid you the respect you deserved. It’s-You work in an environment for too long and you begin to adopt certain behaviors that you should know aren’t acceptable but when everyone is doing it and-I was wrong. I can’t blame Thor for setting me straight.”

“Thank you, for understanding,” you shrug.

“Thank you for not holding it against me and letting me do better.”

It takes only another few minutes to reach the sitting room and you make a beeline for the small loveseat before dropping into it and leaning back against the soft plush cushions.

“Whew, I probably should have done my research on how pregnancy would affect all aspects of my life before agreeing to it,” a joke and Coates gets it because he looks respectfully amused.

Loki scoffs, “With Thor, I doubt you’d have had much choice in the matter. He is also believed to be a God of fertility, you know?”

“Loki!”

The small shock on your face really makes Coates laugh this time and your neck, ears, and cheeks burn.

Not wanting to drag this meeting out for a long time you clear your throat and Loki sits down on the armchair beside you opposite Coates’s own seat.

“I should really be more formal, but I’m not kidding when I tell you that this pregnancy is taking a toll on me.”

“Think nothing of it, Your Majesty,” Coates assures you.

“I’m not sure what you’ll be able to do with this information and maybe it’ll be best if, with your help, you can get a meeting in front of both the United Nations and NATO scheduled for me to speak to them directly.

“Thor and Loki would be there with me, of course, but it was my idea to even bring this to your attention.”

“I will be of any assistance that I can be,” Coates nods, face serious and attentive.

“We wanted to wait until we had more concrete information to give Earth’s leaders but our Queen is adamant that an early warning is better than detailed information,” Loki explains.

“Is the Earth in danger?” Coates asks, worried now.

“Sort of,” you nod. “Truth is, we don’t know. What we do know is that there’s an energy signature that we’ve been monitoring for months. Almost my entire first year of marriage. What we do know is that the energy signal was strong enough to bring Doctor Foster here to look for an explanation and my brother-in-law has kept his eye on it too. It’s familiar to him and not unthreatening so we’ve been preparing watch stations across the globe. We have one in North and South America, Australia, almost every continent so that we won’t miss any kind of danger that comes falling from the sky.

“We don’t want a repeat of New York,” you look at Loki and Coates looks at him too but neither of you have any kind of judgement in your expressions.

Maybe a little for Coates, but he quickly turns his gaze back on you.

“I wanted to give the people of Earth time to prepare for that kind of attack. The Avengers are already on the case and have been helping build up a defense but they can only do so much. Their focus is going to be on the bigger fight if it comes to that. I want to give us a fighting chance on the ground where regular people are often the ones to get hurt and suffer from big threats like this.

“I don’t want the casualties to look like they have in the past when something or someone threatens us. So, I just want to give world leaders a briefing on what we’ve found, what we’ve built in defense, and give them the resources to keep track of what we’re keeping track of.

“We’re at a unique advantage with not only Asgard’s knowledge, technology, and resources. We’re still a growing nation and what we do have is lots of strength. I’ve been thinking about it a lot and while the Valkyrie have to stay here to protect my family, we have a sizable guard that can be split into a few regiments to send out to the places that will need it most and still have enough forces to protect New Asgard.”

Coates is thinking hard, then his hand dives into his pocket and he pulls out his phone, “I’ll start making calls and can probably have something set up the day after tomorrow. If the threat is serious enough to make you worry about us humans this much, I think the sooner the better.”

“It is serious enough,” Loki assures him. “Even if it turns into nothing, we would all rather have done everything we could to minimize damage to both the humans of Earth and New Asgard.”

“Then I’ll get started. Is there any kind of data that I should see in order to convince my bosses?”

You look to Loki and reach out, placing your hand on his arm, “Loki, take Ambassador Coates down to the dungeon and let him get a look at anything we’ve gathered in the monitoring station. You’ll forgive me for not coming with you, Ambassador Coates? I really can’t stand walking around much longer today.”

“Of course, please do not mind me,” he assures you, giving you a small bow.

“Shall I have your lunch brought in here?” Loki asks.

“Please?”

He nods and with a gesture at Ambassador Coates, leads the way to the door.

“When you’ve made any significant progress, I will be in here. Can you come and let me know?”

Coates nods, the phone now pressed to his ear, “As soon as I know something, Your Majesty.”

They leave you in an appropriate rush and you relax against the cushions of your sofa feeling like a small burden’s been lifting off your shoulders.

You’ve done your part now. You’ve warned your Ambassador, now it’s his job to convince his higher-ups and hopefully they listen.

Estrid does eventually come with your lunch and you eat slowly, thinking through your options for Coates and the rest of the governments of the world. Splitting the Asgardian army up isn’t ideal, but they pack a punch. Even just a handful of soldiers in a city would make a difference.

You finish eating and you finish your tea. You get up to walk a little around the sitting room but as the afternoon wears on, you start to feel suffocated inside and Estrid happily goes with you down to your gardens.

Most of your plants have been well taken care of.

“His Majesty made sure that we kept all of your plants healthy for you,” Estrid informs you, moving to walk a few steps behind you as you walk around with a small watering can.

His consideration brings a smile to your lips.

Thor really can be so sweet. So loving. You hate that some of the time from your first year was stolen by what happened with Jane, but it couldn’t be helped. He had to discover what it would mean to lose you and you had to learn that depending on yourself is still just as important married as it was when you had no one.

Maybe it’s even more important now? You can get lost in your relationship with Thor and while that’s super tempting, to have your world start and end with Thor and your married life together, you are still your own person.

You have goals for your career and shared dreams with him too. You’ve got your hobbies and Thor has his. Both of you needed the distance.

Despite that, even though you know that the space was good for both of you, even if it hurt like hell to get it the way you two did, you’re actually really happy to be back home.

As you reach over to water one of your taller butterfly bushes, you gasp and pull your arm back against your body as a small sharp pain rocks your senses and blinds your vision for a split second.

“Your Majesty?” Estrid hurries forward.

“I’m fine, Estrid,” you assure her, waiting another second to see if the pain will come back.

Reaching down you rub the spot on your tummy where you’d felt it and wonder if maybe the baby is just kicking especially hard today.

“Shall I fetch the doctors?”

“No, really. I’m fine, Estrid.”

You move to the next plant and water a few more as you head towards the small greenhouse with the Asgardian plants you’re still trying to perfect the care for but as you reach for the door, you double over as a shooting pain stretches across the same side as before then moves down onto the base of your belly.

The watering can falls from your hand as you reach out to brace yourself against the door and hits the floor with a clunk as the water goes all over your flats, soaking your feet.

“Your Majesty!”

Estrid races to you, hands placed on your back and arm to support you as she looks to steal a glance at your face.

With your eyes shut tight, you groan and whimper as the pain just gets sharper.

“Estrid…” it takes a moment to catch your breath. “Get the doctors.”

“Guard!” Estrid calls, forcing you to let go of the door so that she can lead you to a bench. “Guard, send for the doctor!”

“Thor,” you whimper, sitting slowly and gasping as the pain intensifies. “Get Thor.”

“I’ll send for him, my Queen,” Estrid assures you and now that you’re seated, she leaves you to run and hurry the guard.

“What’s wrong?”

“Loki?” you call breathlessly, searching for his face for the comfort you know it’ll give you to have him close.

“Here,” he calls out for you and hurries around the corner. “I’m here. What’s happened? What’s wrong?”

He hovers over you, leaning over, his hands carefully pressed to your cheek and the other on your stomach.

“It hurts,” you sob without tears, “Loki…”

“It’s alright,” he promises. “You and my nephew will be fine. Come on, put your arm around my neck.”

His certainty does help and you get your arm around him. With ease he squats down and lifts you into his arms and with you moves back into the palace.

~~~~~~~~~~

It feels like a long time when you open your eyes again. You’re dizzy a little and weak. Your body feels heavy and it’s a struggle to sit up.

Looking around, you realize you’re in your bedroom alone. The sky outside is dark and the room is dim with only the fireplace lit to cast a warm orange glow around the dark room.

“Loki?” you try, remembering him carrying you when he found you in the garden.

No movement.

“Thor? Estrid?” You’d sent her to get the doctors and to get Thor. Had the doctors come?

Thor’s favorite armchair is placed by your bed, angled towards you so he must have been in here sitting by you waiting for you to wake up.

With a heavy sigh, you realize that he must have been out of his mind with worry when he heard what happened. Is the baby okay?

You put your hands on your tummy and wait for movement. He does wiggle around a little. Normal for you and him and that makes you feel better about the pain that had come out of nowhere.

It takes you too long to get up and out of bed. You’re in your nightgown, a long simple piece with modern touches but it’s also very similar to some of the long flowing white ones you remember seeing in history books.

Taking extra time to stretch up onto your feet just in case the pain comes back, you breathe a sigh of relief when you take your first step and find that you’re okay.

“Oh, baby,” you reach down and rub the sides of your bump. “You scared me, rascal.”

You know that you should probably stay still. Staying in bed is probably what your Doctors suggested but the empty chair has you worried about Thor and what state he might be in.

So instead of staying where you should, you open your bedroom door and step out into the hallway.

The spots to either side where there’s usually a guard are empty.

You look up towards the other end of the hall and see that the two soldiers have moved to stand at the center of the hall, shoulders tense and obviously distracted. Further down, at what you think they must be staring at is a grouping of palace staff. People you recognize. Estrid stands among them, frowning at the small crack in the door through which pours a line of bright white light from the sitting room you share with Thor.

Did something happen?

As you pass the two guards the jump and hurry back to the sides of your bedroom door where they belong. Their flurry of movement must have drawn the attention of the others standing by the door. They also seem to jump, look shamed and worried, before they move away from the door and head in all different directions to get back to work.

One of the maids that passes you curtsies before she scurries off stealing a look of regret at you.

Estrid stands rigid, hands clasped to her front before she steps back a bit to give you room.

“What is it, Estrid?”

She doesn’t say anything. She looks upset, her lips fixed into a severe line, eyes full of anger as she shakes her head.

“Where’s Loki? Thor?” you check, stopping by her and she only looks at the door.

You can hear muted voices from inside and your heart begins to pound.

Is it the doctors? Are Thor and Loki getting bad news? The baby was just moving though!

Your baby has to be okay. Healthy even. Nothing was wrong before you came back home.

Clinging to your bump, you move towards the crack in the door and with the breath leaving your lungs in fear of what you’ll overhear you just go ahead and push the door open because eavesdropping hasn’t served you well in the past.

If something needs to be said, you want to hear it without hiding.

Of course, what you aren’t expecting to find is Loki facing you by the long sofa where Thor usually lounges, resting his head on your lap. Behind Loki, what must have given him that frustrated look on his face is Thor, Jane clinging to his arm as she finishes speaking the thought you just interrupted as they all turn to look at you.

“-can’t help it. I love you. I-”

The absolute fury that engulfs you is indescribable.

For one year-long second, you inhale and a million thoughts cross your mind. The one you grasp onto, in favor of the ones involving murder and hurt and violence, is the one of your baby.

This kind of anger is bad for him. You can’t let it consume you. Not when you need to stay good for him.

Loki looks down at his feet, disappointment and shame overcoming his pale, handsome features.

Thor quickly jerks his hand out of Jane’s grip and moves towards you but stops when you speak only a few feet away.

“Jane?”

She swallows hard, then frowns, “I only came to warn Thor that the readings have gotten stronger. I-”

“I don’t care why you’re here. I only care that you are here. You aren’t welcome in my house, near my husband, or on any piece of land in this Kingdom,” you take a step towards them and stop as you stroke your belly to remind you to keep calm. “I want you gone. Out of my home, away from my people, and if you trespass here again, I’ll have you thrown in jail. You aren’t welcome in New Asgard.”

“You can’t ban me from an entire Kingdom,” she argues, moving forward towards you.

“Try me,” you warn. “Out of respect for what you meant to Thor in the past, I’ve kept your name clean. I haven’t told anyone what you tried to do here, but here you are trying again. Now either you want me to trash you, or you seriously can’t take a hint.

“We don’t want you here.”

“Thor invited me himself, if he didn’t want me here, why would he do that?”

You grind your teeth, again stroking your tummy, “You’re right. I don’t know why my husband would invite you here when I have made it very clear that you aren’t welcome. Whatever the reason, he and I will discuss it together, because we’re married. Husband and wife. Until the day I die, at least, since he’ll outlive me by two thousand years.

“And whatever you two had in the past is gone. So, get out or I’ll have you thrown out.”

She opens her mouth to argue and you take two steps towards her, “I might be pregnant, but I can still do plenty of damage in the minute that it’ll take Thor and Loki to pull me off of you. Please, say something. Please, please I beg you. Give me an excuse. I have a really bad temper and I am dying to express myself. Please.”

Jane turns towards Thor, waiting for some kind of rebuttal from him but he’s got his eyes trained on you and you alone. The shame on his face, the agony of what you finding them all here might mean is not lost on him.

When he doesn’t say anything, Loki clears his throat, “I think it’s time to go, Jane.”

His urging helps and with a look of hurt and disbelief, she tears her eyes off of Thor and stomps out past you.

You watch her go, Estrid scurrying after her to lead her out the back instead of the front where she might be spotted.

“Loki?”

He turns to you, waiting.

“I don’t want anyone to know she was here. Anyone other than the group of palace staff that was standing by the door fucking listening to what was being said in here. Can you get Heimdall and send her home that way?”

“I’m on it,” he assures you and hurries past you, disappearing into the palace.

“I-” Thor begins.

“Don’t!”

He shuts his mouth.

“Not here.”

Turning, you lead the way back to the bedroom and the guard opens the door for you, Thor following closely behind.

As the door shuts you don’t stop until you’re sitting on your bed, hands stroking your belly as you shut your eyes and try to calm yourself.

“I asked you for one thing. One thing, Thor. I asked you not to make a fool of me. Seven people from our staff were listening to you and Jane. Seven! By tomorrow that’ll be twenty and by the weekend the tabloids will have picked up on the story.”

“I’m sorry,” he starts but you growl in frustration.

“I stood in front of our people and told them that Jane Foster was not welcome in our Kingdom and you walked her right in! I-I can’t do this. I can’t do this right now.”

You get up and point at the large doors.

“I need you to get out. I need space and I don’t care why you let her in. I don’t care why you’d make me look like such a stupid fucking joke I only know that you did and I’m done. I need you out. Don’t come looking for me. When I’m ready, if I’m ever ready to talk to you again, I’ll find you. Until then, leave me alone.”

“Cherub-”

“NO! You don’t get to do this shit, Thor-You don’t get to undermine me and bring that woman back into our lives and still get to explain yourself after she lied to you about being pregnant, and making a mockery of our marriage. You don’t get a say. You get out of my room, you keep away from me, you wait until I’m ready to hear you. Until I’m not angry anymore. Until I’m not hurting anymore.

“I don’t understand what it is about this woman that you just-can’t you see what she is? What she’s done? Don’t you understand why she can’t be here? Don’t you get-You know what? Just get out. I don’t care. I don’t care if you get it or not. Get out.”

“Y/N, please, I-”

“GET OUT!”

The silence that follows your outburst is interrupted only by the crackling of the fire. In the dim light, Thor’s face is grave and broken. You can’t feel bad for him though.

As much as you love him, as much as you wish this hadn’t just happened, as much as you hate to see him hurt, you can’t ignore the pain in your own chest, drowning you again in betrayal.

This is why you’d wanted to keep your distance. This agony is why you’d wanted to keep him at arm’s length.

This is why you can only depend on yourself.

Eventually, Thor bows his head and with heavy feet, he leaves your room shutting the door behind him leaving you to sob and throw pillows in anger.

#king!thor x reader #thor x reader #arranged marriage au #royal au #a wife for thor #king!thor x reader fanfic #king!thor x reader fanfiction #king!thor x reader fic #king!thor x you #marvel fanfiction #marvel au #thor x you #a wife for thor pt24

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mindninjax · 4 years

Text

Love is a Polaroid

Pairing: Hawks x fem!reader Mafia AU

Rating: M or Explicit

Warning: Oral sex (female receiving), Breeding, Cockwarming, Aftercare, Voyeurism, Cumflation?, It’s pretty tame with smut I promise.

Word Count: 10k

This is a collab piece for the Smut Pile: Mafia AU Collab hosted by @pleasantanathema @linestrider and @present-mel. PLEASE check out all the other works on this masterlist! They’re are all amazingly talented and I’m so so happy I got to participate. Thank you Queen Claudia for beta reading @thisisthehardestthing I always appreciate your comments! And a very special thank you to beautiful @present-mel for creating the banner for me! 💖

A/n: Ok so here’s the thing, I don’t know SHIT about the mafia or anything like that lol so if something sounds wrong, don’t judge me aiight? I tried to make this piece sort of funny and light with little hints of dark humor so I hope I portrayed that well. Legit every character in this is a moron bahah.

Quirks exist here but there is no hero/villain society but the reader is quirkless .

Lastly, this takes place in a nonspecific part of America. Anywhoo I hope you all enjoy! 💖

This is it. The last straw. You’ve had it. It’s obvious you’re destined to spend the rest of your life single. After the shit you’ve been through with your last three boyfriends and your last two girlfriends, you’re convinced everyone is shit and there is no one out there for you.

Well… the problem could just be you, but you’re refusing to think about that. It’s easier to blame it on your shitty luck. As much as you want commitment and strive for consistency, your bad luck has always been a constant in your life. The “trickster” who follows you and makes sure to do his job at fucking up your life, never misses a beat.

Maybe you should try dating the “trickster” instead, at least he sticks around. Your phone buzzes in your hand as another text from your now ex-boyfriend clogs up your messages.

Don’t do this dove, you’re the only one I have in my corner anymore.

You roll your eyes. Not anymore, moron. Your ex-boyfriend was a drug smuggler. Stupid, foolish, loyal, trustworthy you knew about it and still decided to date him. Why? Because he was sweet, charming, handsome, and always knew exactly what to say to make you happy.

And because you’re a damn moron.

You believed him when he said he would stop smuggling weapons after a chance encounter with the cops a few months ago. He had escaped by the skin of his nose. You’d threatened to break up with him if he didn’t stop and he had agreed willingly. That was supposed to be the end of it. You two would live happily ever after; he would propose to you and thank you for saving him from a life of crime and you would accept graciously.

Wrong.

No, instead of thanking you he had decided I’ll stop smuggling weapons and smuggle drugs instead. What a little prick. You reread the message from him and roll your eyes as you remember the argument from last night. You’d just found out about the drug smuggling and told him you were done. You kicked him out and told him to only come back to get his things. A pile of stuff you’ve spent the afternoon gathering up is sitting by the front door, waiting for him to come by and pick it up.

You’ve spent the last year and a half living together in this admittedly shitty apartment, but you paid all the bills, and your name is on the lease so out goes all his stuff. You’re due for a break, a chance to worry about yourself and think about what you want from life. You’ve spent way too much time being someone else’s girlfriend and honestly, you're sick of it.

Maybe you should take a cooking class, or write a novel, or do some other self-aware Eat Pray Love bullshit women go through after a breakup. You sigh and shuffle over to the fridge to pull out the milk and pour a bowl of your favorite cereal when a loud knock pulls you from your self-pity.

You glance down at the baggy sweatpants and stained oversized t-shirt before shrugging to yourself and walking over to the door. You’d just said you were going to stay single for a bit anyway. No reason to dress to impress.

You open the door and there’s immediate darkness as a piece of cloth is stuffed in your mouth and a black sack is placed over your head. A pair of strong arms lift you and plop you over their shoulder easily, despite your kicking and struggling. Another set of hands tie rope around your wrists tightly.

“You got him?” A deep voice says.

Him? Are they talking about me? You roll your eyes underneath the black hood. Yeah, you don’t have huge porn star tits and a fat ass, but could they really not tell you were a woman? For your ego’s sake, you chalk it up to your baggy t-shirt and sweatpants as the arms throw you into what feels like the back seat of a car.

The car ride is bumpy and the two deep voices coming from the front seat are discussing what sounds like the plot to a fucked-up reality tv show. A woman named Jessica is sleeping with a man and a woman at the same time, some douchebag father won’t let his son David do ballet, Dennis has crabs and won’t tell his wife. But one name catches your attention, it sounds important as it rolls off the tongues of the loose lipped men.

“Tomura is gonna be stoked we were finally able to track this fucker down,” one voice says from the front seat.

You’re stuck with a dilemma. It’s obvious these idiots have kidnapped the wrong person. Do you tell them that now and risk them offing you right there? Or do you wait until they’ve taken you to this Tomura fellow and plead for your life with him.

These guys seem way too confident in their abilities to be chastised about their failure. They could lose their temper and seriously hurt you. You could take a chance in hoping that their boss is a bit more reasonable– especially because it’s not your fault that you’re here right now.

Your mind babble ceases as the car comes to a halt. Car doors open and you can feel the cool October air fill the backseat as two hands pull you out. You continue kicking and screaming, making your voice as shrill as possible to give them at least a hint that you are, in fact, a woman.

You’re carried over one of the men’s shoulders until he sits you down in a chair. Your feet are quickly tied together, and you hear retreating footsteps.

It is official: today cannot get any worse.

You’re sitting there for what feels like hours when footsteps return. They’re different though. There are more people entering the room and the sound of one person’s gait sounds weightless, like they are floating.

“Cat got your tongue, Hawks? I thought you’d be trying to slick talk your way out of this. Any other time it’s difficult to get you to shut up,” the voice says. It’s dripping with power and malice, despite the sarcasm.

Hawks? Who’s that and why do they think you’re him?

“How long did you think you’d be able to hide from me? You thought shedding your wings would help? Pathetic.”

Wings? Oh.

Great, not only did these idiots think you were a man, but they also thought you were your moronic ex. What the hell could he have done to these people for them to have wanted to kidnap him. From what those guys said, they’d been looking for him for a while. How long is a while? And why are they calling him “Hawks”? Did he lie to you about his name being Keigo?

The bag is snatched off your head and every eye in the room looks at you, shocked.

“That’s not Hawks! That’s a woman!” shouts one of the men in the room. His voice sounds familiar so you’re sure he's one of the men who brought you here. The cloth is still stuffed in your mouth, so you let out a muffled “duh” and roll your eyes.

The man who you assume is Tomura, snatches the cloth from your mouth and you smack your lips and glare up at him.

“Who the fuck are you?” he sneers. Instantly, fury builds up in you. You don’t give yourself enough time to take in your surroundings before you’re shooting off curses and calling them all names.

“Who am I? I could ask you the same question! A bunch of huge men took me from my apartment against my will, disturbed my pity-party breakfast, jammed me into the back of a car where I had to listen to all their incessant but slightly entertaining problems in their lives and—“

“Wait a minute, shut up,” Tomura says, placing a slender dry finger to your full lips. He squints at you as he processes the word vomit you just spewed, and you realize your error right as he turns to the men who brought you here.

“You mean to tell me, you fools disclosed personal information about yourselves while you had a kidnapped hostage in the backseat?” he asks slowly and deliberately. The men, sensing Tomura’s growing anger and annoyance, fumble over their words while they try to explain away their mistakes.

“Well you see boss, we thought we had Hawks and if he was going to die anyway, we thought it wouldn’t matter if…” one of the men you’re sure is the one who put the bag over your head and threw you into the car, says.

“Beset on all sides by idiots,” Tomura mutters to himself pinching the bridge of his nose. He sighs deeply before turning back to you. Placing a hand on your neck, only four fingers clench around the skin there. His pinky is held out like a bougie businessman sipping wine. His deep scarlet eyes bore into yours, a bored nonchalant expression painting his face.

“Where is Hawks and don’t lie to me. If I put my finger on your neck, you’ll disintegrate into nothing. It’ll be painful, agonizing, you’ll wish it were over quickly but it won’t be,” he says matter of factly.

You stare up at him, trying to keep a hold of your emotions. You should be afraid, but right now all you feel is anger. Anger at being brought here against your will, being threatened and asked about your (and you cannot stress this enough) ex-boyfriend’s whereabouts. And of course, the cherry on top, being mistaken for your ex in the first place.

You puff up your cheeks before spitting at him, “fuck. You. I’m not telling you shit! You’re just gonna kill me anyway because of your idiot henchmen so why should I help you out? Plus, I don’t know where “Hawks” is. I kicked him out because he kept getting me into shit like this!” You huff air out of your nose like an angry bull.

“I don't know what he did to you, or what he owes you, but it has nothing to do with me! All I wanted was to sit and eat my fruity, sugary cereal and sulk like any other woman who’s just been through a breakup! So, if you’re going to kill me, why don’t you stop beating around the bush and fucking do it already!”

Everyone in the room is silent and blinking at you– even Tomura is surprised at your angry outburst. No one has ever spoken to him like this before and he’s a little impressed. It’s a shame he’ll have to kill you, he thinks to himself as he hovers his pinky over the soft skin on your neck.

Before the tip of his finger can brush over you, a large crash of shattering glass and a flash of red zips into the large room. Everything is moving so quickly, your mind is only able to pick up on the various sounds echoing around the room.

Tomura is shouting, “shoot him you idiots!” as the room reverberates with gunshots. You hear deep chuckling and flapping of wings as soft tendrils softly rub against your wrist and ankles. Before you know it, your arms and hands are free, and you’ve automatically dropped to the floor to dodge the flying bullets.

Two large hands scoop you from the ground and cradle you against a broad chest as a curtain of red shields you from any danger.

“Don’t worry chickadee, I gotcha,” says a familiar voice, and as much as you don’t want it to, relief rushes through you.

Keigo leaps and bounds through the broken window weightlessly and soars through the air from the abandoned warehouse building you were being kept in.

You’re finally able to take in your surroundings as the two of you whip through the air. Large buildings zoom past your field of vision as you zip through the city and hear men below you getting into cars to chase the two of you. You glance up at his smug face as your hair comes undone from the sloppy bun at the nape of your neck.

“Gotta say babe, you’ve definitely looked better,” he yells over the wind rushing past the two of you. You glare up at him and subconsciously grab him tighter as the two of you dip down into an alleyway to lose track of the parade of black cars now chasing you through the city.

“You really wanna poke the bear right now, Kei?” you say through gritted teeth. He lands lightly on his feet and watches the cars pass by the alley still clutching you close to him. When you see the last car pass and turn the corner, you wriggle in his arms violently so that he will put you down. He releases you and you fall to your knees into a small muddy puddle.

“You know, usually people say thank you when someone saves them from danger. I mean in the stories, the damsel in distress even gives the valiant hero a kiss,” he says, chuckling as he watches your shoulders heave in anger.

You’re seething now. Every word, every syllable that comes out of his mouth grates on your nerves, and every muscle fiber in your body wants to punch him in his stupid face. You stare down at your knees as your pajama pants soak up the disgusting water from the puddle you sit in. The grime of the gravel on the path is slimy underneath your palms as you quietly try to compose yourself and review the events of the day.

Keigo’s expression grows worried as he watches you not make a sound and try to calm your breathing. He reaches out to touch your shoulder, “Dove?”

“Do not touch me, Keigo.”

He flinches back as you stand and whirl around to face him, pure rage decorating your features.

“This is all your fucking fault! What the hell did you do to them?” you yell at him.

For a second he looks frightened of you but then he relaxes and gives you his ‘this will get me out of trouble’ smile.

“Don’t worry about it, we're ok now,” he says, moving toward you to try and console you. You step away from him, still pissed.

“I’m so sick of being dragged down by your shitty choices, Keigo! I’m going back to my apartment and you’re going to take your shit and stay out of my life or I’ll call the cops,” you say through your teeth.

You push past him to leave the alley and stomp away from him but he grabs your wrist and violently pulls you back. Just as you're about to let out a string of curses and objections, he pushes you up against the wall and places his hand over your mouth.

His golden eyes have a dangerous glint in them as they stare into yours. He’s so close to you that you can feel his hot breath on your cheeks, and you hate how turned on you're getting from having his body so close to yours. His eyes linger on your lips as he flicks his tongue out to wet his own. He closes his eyes and cocks his head toward the opening of the alley.

You start to wriggle in his grasp again but he tightens his grip on your wrist and presses his hand harder over your mouth, his fingers digging into your cheeks as a silent command, shut up and be still. You’ve never seen him this serious and you have to physically take deep breaths to calm your heart rate down.

Easy girl, he is not sexy, you’re mad at him, he’s just going to continue to bring you down, you think to yourself.

Heavy footsteps catch your attention and your eyes shift quickly to the direction they’re coming from. It seems some of the men chasing you have started to search on foot. Keigo removes his hand from your mouth but looks pointedly in your direction and places his finger to his lips, further instructing you to stay quiet. His other hand loosens around your wrist and intertwines with your fingers reflexively as he tiptoes farther back into the alleyway, pulling you with him.

You hold your breath, you can hear them getting closer, muttering to themselves and pushing random bystanders out of the way. You wonder what Keigo’s plan is. There’s only one way in and out of this alley and if they turn into it, they’ll be blocking the entrance. You’re sure he understands that, so why hasn’t he flown the two of you out of here.

Still clutching your hand, he squeezes it as his other reaches around to his back to pluck a long sword-like feather from the bunch. Oh. You understand immediately, he plans on killing them. You question who the hell this man you’ve been dating for two years is, you seem to learn more and more about him as the day goes on, and not in a good way.

You can’t think about that right now. Yes the two of you are broken up, but you can’t let him kill someone. You search quickly around the alley, trying to find something that can help you form a plan. A huge dumpster sits a few feet away from you and an idea pops into your mind right as the two men step into the alley.

They stare at the two of you and Keigo crouches into a defensive stance in front of you, hand gripping the stem of the feather sword, ready to strike. Before he can make his move, you wrench your hand from his grasp and dash over to the dumpster.

The two goons pull out guns with silencers and fire in your direction as you dive behind it. Keigo freezes as he feels your hand leaves his and pictures you being hit and crashing to the ground, bleeding out. He shakes himself from the terrible daydream and dives behind the dumpster with you. Bullets ricochet off of the metal can as you hold your breath and start to push it slowly toward the two men shooting at you.

You hiss at him, “help me push it!” and he quickly sheathes the sword and places his hands on the slimy can, pushing it toward the entrance. With both your strengths, and Keigo using his wings to give it an extra boost of speed, you’re able to force them out into the open. A squad car is parked down the road cluing you in to why they were using silencers and you see the cop turn his head to see what the commotion is.

Before they can reach for their guns to aim at you again, you wrap your arms around Keigo’s neck, and latch on to his back before screaming “go!” in his ear. He takes off immediately into the air as the squad car pulls up next to the two men. The last thing you hear before the wind drowns out the sound are the two men being shoved into the cop car.

“Alright, explain everything,” you say as Keigo lands on top of a building to let you down off of his back. You hop down and turn to look at him with crossed arms and a raised eyebrow. You’re surprised to see he is giving you a disapproving look as well.

“What the hell were you thinking? You could’ve gotten yourself killed!” he yells at you angrily. Very rarely has he ever been angry at you, but this amount of emotion is definitely a first and it catches you off guard. You’re surprised as you blink up at his enraged expression. He moves closer to you, grabbing your shoulders and shaking you slightly, “those guys don’t fuck around, you shouldn’t be so reckless with your life!” he continues.

You blink again in confusion before your expression flashes back to sarcastic anger. You chuckle darkly as he adopts your confused expression.

“Ha, are you serious? Your actions are the reason my life has been in danger all day today, and you’re yelling at me for ducking behind a dumpster to avoid gunfire and getting two men arrested?”

He releases your shoulders and blushes as he realizes what you’re saying is true. You make a mental note of his anger about being safe but don’t press him on it, wanting to know more about how he’s involved with these people trying to kill him.

“Who are these people, Kei?” you ask again, emphasizing each word so that he will take you seriously.

“Tomura Shigaraki, a spoiled son of a prestigious family known on the black market for the weapons they procure and sell. They function underground, under the public eye, barely noticeable and even try to better the community they live in. Their only goal is progression, despite the illegal activities,” Keigo explains.

“This sounds strangely like that one mafia movie I tried watching but couldn’t get past the first ten minutes,” you say, shivering a bit as you remember the violence and how it turned your stomach.

Keigo smiles a bit guilty at you as he continues.

“Well, it may be a little mafia behavior, but you don’t need to worry,” he says quickly as he watches your eyes get big. “Tomura’s no longer associated with the family. He and his father disagreed on a lot, specifically about how his father ran things. He thought he was too soft about certain things and set in his ways. The final straw was when Tomura killed a family to ‘send the right message to their enemies’. They disowned him and cut him off, forbidding him to ever return,” he continues.

Your eyes are wide while you watch him explain, and you're momentarily aware that you’ve forgotten to blink until your eyes start to burn and you close them for relief. You try to process everything he just told you and he stands with his arms slightly out as if he’s ready to catch you if you faint.

As if. I’m not that bad, you think to yourself.

It’s not true, you are that bad, barely able to stomach any violence despite being a small ball of anger for most of the day. However, your stubbornness is beating out your fear and anxiety. You don’t want to give Keigo the pleasure of fainting and having him catch you and nurse you back to health.

You clear your throat.

“So, what did you do to piss off a guy that was so bad that the mafia kicked him out? Sell him a faulty weapon? Not give him the money you owed them from the weapons you smuggled into the country? Sleep with his wife? What is it Keigo?”

He is suddenly unable to keep eye contact with you. He looks away, an unfamiliar expression on his face as he watches a cloud go by. You aren’t able to see clearly but you can swear he looks as if he’s hiding something. There’s a slight softness behind his expression and, for just a second, you wish that the two of you are back home, cuddling on the couch and watching cartoons.

He glances over his shoulder at you, “I didn’t give him what he wanted, so naturally he wants me dead,” he says sarcastically. His tone has an underlying harshness to it, like he’s angrily remembering some conversation between the two of them.

“Look, Tomura is dangerous and sadistic, but he doesn’t have that much support. He’s been trying to make his own ‘group’ since his family disowned him but it hasn’t been going as well as he hoped, hence the idiots that kidnapped you on accident. He’s been building rapport with some of the smaller gangs in the area, but he’s not nearly as credible as his family. However, it isn’t smart to underestimate them. They may be idiots but they’re still deadly.” His forehead creases and his perfectly arched eyebrows pull together in frustration.

You remember how angry and worried he was when the two goons shot at you. He seemed extremely invested in your safety. You’re not sure what to do, but you know you don’t like the look on his face right now. You feel kind of bad for making him worry. It’s not like you just stopped caring for him out of the blue. You ignore the feeling as your hand twitches at your side, stopping yourself from reaching out to run your fingers through his soft fluffy hair. The events of today are honestly starting to wear you down.

“So what do we do now?” you whisper trying to mask your feelings for him. He approaches you, pupils dilated and the gold in his irises ignited with a look of complete confidence.

“You don’t have to worry, Y/N. I’ll never let them hurt you,” he says as he grabs your shoulders again. He squeezes, never breaking eye contact and letting his forehead touch yours.

It catches you off guard, the amount of devotion in his voice to your safety. He cradles your face as he moves in closer, lips aching to be against yours. His eyes are so intense that you remember how you got lost in them the first time you met. There’s something special about them, paired with his big bright cocky smile, it’s almost able to make you forget about all your problems.

Almost.

You pull back from him and shake your head, trying to free yourself from his romantic stupor.

“I think we should probably get off this building and find somewhere to hide out, at least until we’ve come up with a solid plan on how to stop these guys from chasing you all over the city.”

He chuckles as he picks you up, bolsters you safely against his chest and moves to the edge of the building to prepare to take off.

“I like the sound of that,” he says as he watches you look a little frightened at the height and clutches you tighter.

“Being chased all over the city?”

“No, the way you said we.”

A tiny house on the outskirts of town is in your line of sight as you and Keigo drift toward the ground and he lands delicately on his toes. It is situated in a quiet suburb where all the houses look the same. The neighborhood is unfamiliar to you but Keigo seems to know it pretty well.

As the two of you enter the house, he shuts the door behind you and locks it tight. It’s decorated like a sample home in a magazine– very nice furniture, homey, you can picture a family living here.

“What is this place?” you ask him curiously as you scan the area.

He watches you take in the room, noting your impressed tone.

“It’s my friend, Rumi’s place. She travels a lot and I come by to water the plants sometimes,” he replies.

You raise an eyebrow, “she?”

He chuckles. “Jealous? I thought we were broken up, dove,” he says smugly.

You blow out an aggravated sigh and roll your eyes. You head towards the stairs, determined to get out of the gross pajamas and take a nice hot shower. Keigo follows you, knowing your destination, and opens a closet to take out a towel. He hands it to you and his hand brushes lightly over yours. Even after all the times he’s touched you today, the electricity of his long brisk fingers across your skin still makes your heart flutter. You take the towel from him and give him a small smile.

“Thanks.”

Peeling the dirty, sweaty clothes from your skin feels like heaven as you ready yourself for the hot shower. Keigo walks past the bathroom door on his way to the bedroom and catches a glance of your naked body. You haven’t closed the door completely and Keigo is extremely grateful for it.

He stops in his tracks, caught off guard by the amount of skin exposed to him. His eyes roll over your slender frame, taking you in and licking his lips. He’s missed you; it’s been months since the two of you were any sort of intimate. The last few months were full of arguments and Keigo sleeping on the couch, but he has longed for your touch again.

You stand naked, testing the water with your hand. The water running down your arm is almost sensual, teasing Keigo as it slowly drips from your elbow. It tempts him and he wishes it could be his tongue running over your skin.

He runs his hand over the bulge growing in his pants and pictures the last time the two you had sex. He remembers the bliss in your features as he explored between your thighs, the way you tasted and how you screamed out his name.

He’s imagining joining you in the shower now, kissing you deeply and pinching your nipples as you gasp at his touch and beg him for more. His hardness would slip between your soapy thighs, feeling your velvety lips caress him.

He leans against the wall and pulls his throbbing dick from his pants. He only needs a few seconds and what you don’t know won’t hurt you. He pumps himself holding in grunts and gasps so that you don’t hear him over the running water. How he wishes his hand could be your delicious cunny wrapped around him now.

He listens to you humming softly to yourself and that only makes him crave you more. Everything in him wants to join you in the shower, but he knows with how much he’s fucked up recently, you wouldn’t want him near you.

He realizes this as he slows his pace, no longer focused on his goal of getting off. He’s left with a sense of emptiness as he thinks about how close he was to losing you today.

I can’t let them hurt her, he thinks, because I can’t lose her.

He tucks himself back into his pants and goes into the bedroom to find clothes for you. He hears the shower turn off as you continue humming to yourself, a soft pretty tune that he’s always secretly loved. You wrap the soft towel around yourself, drying your hair and wiping off the steam covered mirror.

Gazing at your reflection in the mirror, you look unrecognizable. Your eyes have a sleepy, fatigued haze over them, there are bruises on your arms and legs, and your default expression makes you look like that really depressed cartoon dog.

You can’t see how the two of you are going to get out of this and you don’t really understand why Keigo is being so nonchalant about the situation. It’s clear he’s hiding information from you, which pisses you off a little. Does he actually not trust you after everything you two have been through?

You turn away from the mirror quickly, wrapping the towel tighter against your body and stroll into a bedroom where the door is cracked. Keigo is sitting near the large floor length window on the other side of the room, speaking swiftly into a small burner phone. The setting sun behind him makes his crimson wings look brilliant and his skin glows as it drinks in the remaining light.

There’s a pair of black leggings and a fitted t-shirt folded on the bed and you assume these are for you to put on. He finishes the call as you approach the bed, notices your creased forehead and says “are they not your style?”

You’re pulled out of your mental onslaught of questions.

“Huh? What no, it’s exactly my style,” you blink as you realize the little details, that he knew what you liked, he knew you would want a shower and it makes you blush with embarrassment.

You catch him looking you up and down as you stand in your towel in front of him. His eyes linger on your chest, the towel’s tightness pushing your breasts up to peek sensually over the top. You turn away from his punctuating gaze and grab the clothes to change into them. He turns his back to you, respecting your privacy, but speaks quickly as he explains the plan.

“I was just on the phone with Rumi. She’ll be back later tomorrow night and she knows everything that’s going on now. She’ll be able to help keep you safe and get you out of here while I deal with Tomura. I’ll have to get you a passport,” he says. That catches your attention as you pull the shirt over our head and pull the leggings up your thighs.

“Deal with Tomura? What are you going to do?” you say, unable to keep the worry out of your tone. He picks up on the emotion behind your words and flashes you his cocky smile.

“I’m not really sure, but don’t worry I’ll figure it out. You can’t get rid of me that easily, chickadee,” he says, placing a hand behind his head and laughing nonchalantly. It doesn’t settle you, he very frequently goes through life thinking everything is a breeze and he can just go with the flow, but if these men are as dangerous as he says, he could end up getting himself killed.

You sigh and flop down to lay flat on your back on the bed, suddenly very tired. A question that’s been bothering you all day resurfaces and you quickly sit up and ask, “Kei, why were Tomura and those other guys calling you, “Hawks”? Is Keigo not your real name?’

Could you not be honest enough with me to at least tell me your real name, Keigo?

There’s a hint of sadness as you ask the last question and he feels a pang of guilt wash through him for hurting you once again.

“‘Hawks’ is sort of a code name he gave me. You know about how I used to smuggle weapons, so I couldn’t obviously use my real name. Truth is, I used to smuggle weapons for his family, but when he was kicked out, he proposed I leave with him. He told me his plans, how he thought profit would be better in the drug business, how it would be easier to obtain and smuggle those and I was sold,” he explains looking ashamed. “It’s why I was so willing to tell you that I would quit smuggling weapons.”

You frown deeply, remembering the long talk the two of you had, how he promised he would do better because he “didn’t want to lose you”. And how you felt when you found out he lied through his teeth because he’d started smuggling drugs instead. That was what had started this mess– you’d found out about it and decided you were done. You knew he’d been hiding something and that had sparked the multiple arguments before you found out.

You try to shake off the stress of the past. Thoroughly interested in what he has to say now that he’s opening up, you stand and walk over to the window to stand in front of him. You give him your full attention and nod for him to continue.

“I made a deal with him, I’d help him out with the drugs if it paid well and he would be able to make a name for himself in the business separate from his parents. He’d use me as his advertisement to sellers and other mob bosses out there. One of the best smugglers he’d ever witnessed. But I swear y/n, I didn’t know about the family he murdered when I first agreed.”

“Y...You’re the only one I ever told my real name, because you were the only person I ever wanted to hear it from,” he finishes looking up at you through his thick lashes.

For the second time today, you have to pause to let all the information sink in. Your boyfriend, the man you thought you were going to marry, used to be in the mafia. He smuggles drugs for a living and works with a murderer.

Is he also a murderer? Has he killed people too? Your mind flashes to him gripping the sword back in the alley. It’s almost like he’s two different people. Keigo and Hawks. Could the guy who used to sit and watch dumb movies with you on lazy Sunday afternoons really be the same guy who was about to kill two guys in an alley?

You shiver and he grasps your hand, putting his other on your cheek, “I’m so sorry dove. I never meant for you to be involved in this. I know I’ve fucked up a lot the past few months and I don’t blame you for not wanting to deal with me anymore. I swear after all of this, I’ll leave you alone, but please let me make you safe again. Let me make everything right.”

His words come out in a rush and there’s so much remorse in his voice. His eyes are so full of sorrow, that all of the anger you’ve ever felt for him bleeds from you. Was an apology all you really needed? Shouldn’t you be pissed that he got you wrapped up in the mafia?

For some reason, you don’t care about that. You’re only hyper aware of how warm his hands are on your face. How he’s looking at you so intently, like the world doesn’t matter and it’s only the two of you.

You close your eyes as his thumb brushes softly over your cheek and he lets go of your hand to reach up and comb his fingers through your hair. Leaning into his touch so that your forehead is against his, both of your breathing picks up. The room feels like it’s shrinking in on itself to force the two of you together.

Keigo’s eyes flash back and forth from your eyes to your lips as you bite them and move in closer. Right before your lips meet, his index finger skims over your bottom lip and he whispers, “don’t you know how much you mean to me?”

His words make your next breath catch in your throat before he kisses you deeply, pushing his tongue into your mouth. You close your eyes and let his tongue roam as he groans softly. Your bodies start to move on their own, clawing at each other’s clothes, never breaking the kiss.

It’s obvious you both have missed each other as you wrap a leg around his waist. You paw at the zipper on his pants and he drops to his knees in front of you and rips the middle of the leggings to expose your thighs and delectable pussy to him.

You smell heavenly, your lips the most luscious he’s ever seen. His mouth waters as he anticipates the way you taste. He dives in, attacking your small mound and sucking while his tongue dances around it.

Moans dance from your lips like the soft musical hums you whispered to yourself earlier and Keigo has never heard anything lovelier. The way you sing for him right now is a sound he can never forget.

It sends a shockwave of determination to his limbs as his cock twitches in his pants. He grabs your leg and hooks it over his shoulder pushing his tongue farther between your folds as he feasts more on your tangy flavor.

“Such a pretty song, I want to hear more, dove. I want you to scream my name tonight.”

You oblige, screaming his name as he fucks you with his tongue. You grind onto his nose, doubling the pleasure and your legs begin to quiver as you feel the orgasm build inside you. Keigo doesn’t stop, slurping up every juice as if he’s grateful for every drop.

“Fuck Kei I-“

You can’t finish your sentence as the orgasm rips through you. Your legs shake and you almost lose your balance as they become numb underneath you.

Keigo catches you before you fall, grabbing your legs and wrapping them around his waist. He lifts you and kisses you as you try to catch your breath. His eyes are wild, a frenzied lust taking over as he quickly unbuttons his pants. His erection springs forward as he lifts you up to hover over it.

The warmth coming from you has him internally pleading for you to give him the go ahead to slam you down on him. Your legs tighten around his waist as his dick rubs against your entrance. You break the kiss and stare into his lidded eyes.

“Baby, please, please, I need to feel you,” he whimpers.

“Kei, yes,” you whisper against his lips.

The way his name tumbles from your lips awakens an animalistic need inside him. His pupils become slits as he impales you, going so deep it hits every ridge and curve. He always fit perfectly inside you before, like a puzzle piece, but the long absence and grandiose reunion has made you forget how delicious his dick is. The stretch is painful but pleasurable; Keigo’s always been thick and the loud moan that escapes you will surely be heard by the neighbors.

At the same time a growl rumbles deep in his chest as he rests there, letting your pussy flutter and get accustomed to his thickness again. His wings flutter as he feels your heart speed up, and feels each thump in your gummy walls.

He hooks his arms under your legs to lift you again, muscles flexing in the retreating sunlight. He pulls you down again snapping his hips to meet your exposed thighs as the rip on the leggings grows larger. The slap of skin rings through the room and Keigo can hardly contain himself.

He turns suddenly, pinning your back against the window as he rams into you, pushing your legs against your torso to drill into you as deep as he can. He bites into your shoulder and you gasp and grab a bunch of his feathers, pulling the loudest and deepest moan you’ve ever heard from him. It only makes him fuck you harder, pounding you against the cool glass.

You’re only slightly aware that anyone who walks past the house right now will see the two of you, but you honestly don’t care and neither does Keigo. He wants everyone to see how well he fucks you, how, at least in this one moment, you are his.

All you can do is hold onto his wings as the two of you approach your ecstasy. Your nails dig into his skin and his fingers dig deep into your thighs, leaving indentations and tiny bruises. His mind drifts to the idea of you being a mother as he feels the knot in his core ready to come undone.

It’s not a bad idea, especially if you were the mother to his child. He knows you want to be married and have a family one day and at this very moment, he wants to give that to you. As the knot begins to uncoil, he looks you in the eye, your fucked out expression is the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen, and plasters your walls with cum. There’s so much that you feel like you're expanding and you crash your lips onto his as you ride your orgasm to completion.

Still embedded inside you, he lifts you again and walks you over to the bed to lay you down gently. He removes your clothes and his as he watches your chest heaves up and down. You both crawl into the bed, laying on his chest as he wraps his arms around you and pulls you in closer.

“Told you I’d make everything right,” he chuckles as he places a kiss on your forehead.

There’s a few moments of silence as the two of you bask in each other’s presence. You listen to his fluttering heartbeat as he rubs your back. You shut your eyes and trace patterns onto his chest, humming softly.

You hook your leg over his torso and he grabs your hip and turns on his side to enter you again. It’s like home to him and he gasps and bites his lip. He pulls you closer to him, wrapping his wings protectively around your body, blanketing you in the soft plumes.

He kisses your forehead as you snuggle into his chest. His cock twitches inside you and your walls clench around him periodically, making sure he’s still there as you drift off to sleep.

—

The rays of sunlight reach through the window and warm the chilly air as you awaken the next day. The bed is empty as you stretch your limbs and blink the sleep from your eyes. It still feels warm as you look around the room for Keigo. You panic slightly, did something happen to him? Your fingers touch a piece of paper sitting on the pillow next to you, and a small burner phone next to it. It’s a note written in Keigo’s handwriting:

I had to go out and get your passport from a friend of mine. I’ll be back soon so don’t worry your pretty little head. I left some clothes for you on the dresser, I’ll have to apologize to Rumi about the leggings.

I’m leaving a phone for you, if there's any trouble dial 1. I have my number on speed dial. Don’t answer the door for anyone.

I’ll be back as soon as possible. Stay safe Dove.

-Kei

You pick up the tiny phone and turn it over in your hand. It has a small screen and a number pad, simple enough. You wonder how long he’ll be gone but you find yourself wishing he would be back sooner.

It’s clear you both will have a lot to talk about when this is all over. For now though, the only thing on your mind is breakfast. You hope his friend Rumi has excellent taste in cereal as you get up from the bed and pull on the short shorts and large baggy shirt Keigo left out for you. It smells like him and you smile to yourself as you pull it over your head and take a huge inhale of it.

You bound happily down the stairs and into the kitchen searching the cabinets for cereal. To your astonishment, Rumi has your favorite fruity cereal in the cupboards and you wonder if Keigo stocked this place for you before he left?

As you grab a bowl and pour the cereal, your mind wanders a bit. Are you really ok with leaving the country while he stays here? After last night, you’re not sure if you can leave. What was he going to do? Try to kill Tomura?

You make a mental note to talk to Keigo about it when he gets back. As you are about to turn around, you feel a hand brush against the back of your neck and an arm around your waist. You close your eyes and sigh leaning into the body behind you.

Thinking it to be Keigo, you press your ass playfully against his groin. His hand wraps around your neck but you don’t feel the pinky touching you. Your eyes shoot open and you try to move away quickly, but the hand tightens on your throat.

“I’d stay still if I were you,” Tomura says in a slow whisper. He maneuvers you by your neck to pin you against the wall in the kitchen and stares into your eyes with a wicked grin.

His pale blue hair falls messily over his eyes as he stares menacingly at you. They glow like crimson blood as the wrinkles at his eyes and ends of his mouth peel from his dry skin. He licks his very dry lips but it helps none as he breathes onto your neck.

Your heart is out of control as you remember what Keigo said about him. He’s a murderer and there’s nothing stopping him from killing you. You have to get away, or at least get up to the bedroom to grab the phone.

“I can’t believe he’s doing all of this for you,” he sneers as he tightens his grip, making it hard for you to breathe. His words catch your attention though. What does he mean Keigo is doing all of this for you? He’d only mentioned that he didn’t give Tomura what he wanted. What did that have to do with you?

A problem for another time, right now you need to focus on getting to the phone. Tomura surprisingly loosens his grip on your neck letting air flow freely to your lungs again. His knee moves in between your legs and he starts to grind against you in the very short and thin shorts.

“Though I can see the appeal. I mean you were just grinding on me a few minutes ago, what a little slut you are,” Tomura says as he moves closer and nibbles at your ear. You turn away from him in disgust. He chuckles in amusement at your expression as he applies more pressure to your clothed clit. You try to hold in your gasp but it escapes your lips and he flashes a disgusting smile.

“I wonder if you can be more obedient than your idiotic boyfriend,” he says as he leans in closer to you, inhaling the scent of your hair. That makes your blood boil and you whip your head in his direction staring at him in an enraged fury. As he moves closer you can see your small window of opportunity.

“I could never obey someone who’s come between me and my favorite cereal twice now,” you spit at him. As soon as he pulls back to look you in the eye and chuckle, you quickly push him back and jam your knee hard into his groin. A wail comes deep from within him as he falls to his knees, and you run up the stairs to the bedroom.

“Get back here you little bitch!” he yells as you leap up the stairs and slam the door shut. You turn the lock and dive on the bed for the phone. You pick it up and click the “on” button.

Your heart feels like it’s in your throat as you hear banging downstairs and the eerie green light on the phone welcomes you. You can hear the angry stomps up the stairs as you dial 1 and press the call button. It rings and rings as the footsteps get closer and closer to the door.

Come on Kei please please pick up!

“Dove?” his voice sounds far away and there’s a lot of wind, so you assume he’s already on his way back.

“Kei! He’s here!” you scream into the receiver just as the door to the bedroom disintegrates into dust. Tomura tackles you and pins you down. He punches you so hard that you almost pass out.

Keigo is yelling through the phone trying to get your attention. Tomura grabs it and places it to his ear. He stands over you looking down with a disgusted sneer. The pain of his punch has clouded your mind and you’re trying to focus on not passing out.

“You should hurry Hawks, before there’s only a pile of dust left waiting for you,” he says before turning the phone to dust in his clutches.

The last thing you hear before losing your fight with keeping consciousness is the mafia boss's grimy voice, “I’ll make sure he hears you scream before you die.”

——

A slamming door pulls you from the depths of darkness as a familiar voice shouts your name.

He’s here, you think graciously. You’re not yet aware of your surroundings but you can’t move your arms and legs, and there’s a throbbing pain knocking inside your head like a woodpecker.

Your vision focuses on Keigo, wings outstretched and pointed towards you threateningly. He’s crouched holding the feather sword you saw back in the alley. The tip is pointed in your direction but higher above your head.

You’re seated and tied to another chair as Tomura stands behind you, his hand still on your throat. His pinky is dangerously close to the soft skin there and he chuckles darkly as he eyes the tip of Keigo’s sword.

“Let her go, Tomura. She should’ve never been involved,” Keigo says in a fierce growl. You’ve never seen him look this dangerous and it scares you a little.

“She hit me you know? She started this. I mean it’s only fair that I kill her,” Tomura explains. He sounds playful, like he’s enjoying this. He really is a sicko, and again, you can’t help wondering why Keigo was hanging around with him in the first place.

I can’t believe he’s doing all of this for you.

Tomura’s voice plays in the back of your mind. You’re still confused, what did he mean?

“However, I’m feeling pretty generous. You agree to come back and finish the jobs you stepped out on and I’ll let you and her live,” Tomura continues, smiling a big crusty smile.

You understand now. Keigo left those jobs for you. Through one of your arguments, he told you that he was going to be able to spend more time at home with you, to fix things. You didn’t want to admit it at the time but things were getting better before the day you found out about the drug smuggling. He’d been home, cooked, cleaned, looked for jobs and had planned times for the two of you to relax with each other.

You gaze at Keigo and then at Tomura as you figure everything out. Your eyebrows furrow as you think to yourself. Keigo watches you for a minute, sees Tomura’s pinky dancing dangerously close to your neck and puts the sword down, sighing and making his decision.

“That’s a good idea,” Tomura laughs maniacally as your eyes grow wide.

“Keigo, dont! Don’t do this for me. You can easily scoop me up out of here, just like last time! What are you thinking!?” you yell at him, trying to hold back your tears.

“No dove, I’ve ruined your life enough. Even if I did take you out of here, you’d be on the run for the rest of your life. I can’t do that to you,” Keigo says sadly as he puts the sword away. He takes a step closer and falls to his knees in front of you.

“He’s right, there’s no where either of you can go where I won’t find you. I mean, I found you here, didn't I?” Tomura says smugly.

You glare up at him. “Read the room man! We’re having a moment!” you say through tears.

Keigo chuckles as you turn back to him. He moves closer to you, knocking away Tomura’s hand and placing his on your cheek. Tomura walks towards the door.

“You deserve to have a life and a family. You deserve to have all the stuff I couldn’t give you. I really wanted to give it to you but I guess it’s just not meant for me. It was fun but you’re too good for me dove. I know that now,” he says, wiping the tears that slide down your cheeks.

“What if I don’t care about all of that?!”

“Well too bad, because I do. I’m making the decision for you.”

He wraps his hands around your back to untie your hands and you lunge at him, pulling him into a tight hug. His strong arms wrap around you, squeezing you like it’s the last time he’ll ever hold on to you.

“Please don’t go, Kei. I love you.”

He pulls back to kiss you passionately, wings wrapping around the two of you, allowing you the slight privacy. He whispers in between the kiss, “I love you too.”

His kiss feels like it’s the last.

It takes your breath away. His hands comb through your hair and smashes your lips even harder to his. When he pulls back, he doesn’t untie your feet, but he flies swiftly out the door as Tomura exits and slams it shut. You clumsily try to loosen your feet, trying to see through the curtain of tears.

You finally get your feet free and run towards the door to wrench it open. Keigo and Tomura are nowhere in sight. The wind from the cool October day chills you. You can still smell Keigo’s faint scent on your shirt. You pull it up above your nose and inhale deeply again closing your eyes and remembering last night.

Tomura Shigaraki stands in the way of your happiness with Keigo and it makes your blood boil. You vow right there to free Keigo from his ties to him. And you know exactly what to do.

As you open your eyes a flicker of determination shoots through you.

EPILOGUE

Two Months Later

Keigo leans against the wall of the underground parking lot as he waits for the contact. These new suppliers don’t ever show up on time. His wings twitch impatiently as he looks down at his watch. This was supposed to be a quick exchange: grab the suitcase, verify the quality, give them the money. In and out.

This one feels different– something was off about the communication. The woman insisted on only giving the product to Keigo, her employer was adamant on only putting the product in his hands and getting the money from him. It seems Tomura’s plan of letting all of his contacts know that Keigo is his best man is playing to his advantage.

The echoing click-clack of heels grabs his attention and he pushes himself off the wall. The woman struts up to him holding a suitcase. She’s pretty, not as pretty as the woman he’s in love with, but she is a looker. She doesn’t look familiar, must be really new at this. Her expression is serious and professional as she stops in front of him.

“It took you long enough, geez,” he breathes out with annoyance.

“Apologies, I was confirming all the details with my employer,” the woman responds in a monotone voice.

“Yeah, yeah, you got it?” Keigo says looking bored and eyeing the suitcase in her hands. She raises an eyebrow behind her large dark rimmed glasses.

“Yes but there’s something I’d like to say first.” The woman moves closer to Keigo. He stiffens, slightly on guard as she lifts up on her tiptoes to whisper in his ear, “my employer says ‘see you soon’.”

The woman suddenly pulls a small spray bottle out of her pocket and sprays it quickly underneath Keigo’s nose. He isn’t fast enough to move away and he stumbles awkwardly. The spray makes him feel woozy and dizzy. His view goes dark as a black sack is placed over his head. The last thing he hears before losing consciousness is the strange woman’s voice,

“I’ve got him.”

He awakens to the sun beaming through glass windows onto his face. He blinks, taking in his surroundings, he realizes he’s in the backseat of a car. His face sticks to the leather seat he lays on and it stings as he pulls away from it. There’s a familiar tune coming from the front seat, someone is humming. Keigo’s eyes grow wide and he sits up quickly searching for the voice.

“Good morning, sleepy head! Sorry for the rough housing but I had to make sure you knew how a black bag over your head feels. It sucks right? But hey! At least I didn’t gag you like they did me!”

It’s you. Smiling at him through the mirror as you drive down the winding empty road. It looks like you're driving through desert terrain. Keigo thinks he’s dreaming as he reaches out to stroke your cheek. You lean into his touch, automatically smiling widely. It’s the most beautiful scene he’s ever witnessed and he has to try to hold back tears as he whispers,

“How?”

You giggle a carefree laugh as he climbs over to sit in the passenger seat.

“Tomura said he’d be able to find you anywhere you went, right? Why don’t we make it a little bit harder for him this time,” you say as the car speeds down the road, kicking and rustling up the dirt and dust.

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#hawks x reader #keigo takami x reader #bnha fanfiction #the smut pile Collab #tw: voyeurism #tw: breeding

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fcntasmas-archive · 3 years

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Bookshop AU + scars?

hmmm a good one a good one maybe i'd write something like -- buck, after years of trying to find his place in the world, goes out on a limb and instead of becoming a firefighter buys a small corner space: it takes his entire life's savings and he's not even sure what he's going to do with it, but fuck it if he's not ready to find his path and if he has to make it himself, then so be it. (also, considering the apartments the show has them living in, i, too, will suspend disbelief re: their financial situations, thank you) this shop happens to be near a fancy-looking fire station -- the 118, the sign above it reads, and while buck spends his afternoons sitting in the middle of this empty space, he loves watching the firetrucks leave, arrive, leave, arrive, and he always makes bets with himself, like, how long will it be this time? where could they have gone today? sometimes he’ll bring a lawn chair and sit outside the space, with one of the many books he’s collected throughout his travels, and this is how he meets bobby for the first time. the tall captain’s making his way to the coffee shop next door, and he spots buck — mid-20s, ratty t-shirt, faded jeans — sitting in a lawn chair minding his own business and he’s like, “uh? you okay?” buck and bobby hit it off immediately, obviously. buck explains he’s sitting in front of his own space so he’s not really loitering, and he’s been trying to to decide what he’s gonna do with it. bobby looks at him thoughtfully and suggests buck look at the things around him, what they’re lacking, then at the things buck loves, and see if there isn’t an overlap. buck thanks him, makes some dumb joke about the firehouse captain getting his own coffee, and they part ways. eventually, he meets the rest of the 118: hen, who’s curious about the “tall white boy who is all legs” that sits outside the space for hours at a time, reading a different book every time; chimney (who refuses to explain the nickname), who bet hen he could guess what book he was reading today (he couldn’t); and eddie.

eddie is — buck’s pretty sure what would happen if “buck’s type” and “buck’s wet dream” clashed and formed an entire human being. eddie is way too attractive to be real, and buck manages to fumble through a conversation with him — where he says the words i’m actually just chillin’, like a fucking idiot — before eddie smiles quizzically at buck’s entire, like, thing and heads to the coffee shop, leaving buck to privately hit his head against today’s book (a wyoming travel guide, of all things) in embarrassment. except when eddie comes back out, four coffee cups in a holder, he says to buck, “you know, with all the books you go through, you could probably open a book store.” and it’s like a lightbulb moment — wherein another person screwed in the lightbulb for buck, i mean. so buck gets to work — he doesn’t actually own enough books to fill a bookstore, but when he tells his new friends at the 118 about his ideas, they start donating old books — and their friends start donating old books — and eventually, buck’s got just enough to get himself started.

buck opens the strangest, most quaint used bookstore known to los angeles, california. why? because there’s really no rhyme or reason to it. there’s no order to it — buck kind of just makes up sections (“books that spoke to me at three in the morning”, “books that are not appropriate for children, kids stay out”, “books that made me want to call my sister”, etc.) and he — kind of becomes a success when hen brings denny to the store and he makes a semi-viral tiktok out of it. eventually, the hype dies down, but he retains some loyal customers, and that’s all that matters.

what matters most, though, in buck’s opinion, are the months that follow: eddie comes in every weekend with the most adorable fucking kid on earth — christopher, he introduces himself cheerfully — and they take home exactly one book each every time. christopher will stay away from the sections clearly marked “no children here” (later, buck will add, “YES EVEN YOU CHRIS”) and eddie will carefully peruse through some of the more obscure sections (“books that fed my addiction to cheese”, “books that made me believe in aliens but only from mars”) and pick out what seems like the most interesting one for the weekend.

they’ll stay for an hour, maybe two. buck and eddie will talk about everything and nothing at all — they’ll gauge enough about each other to be friends, but not enough to be closer than that, and, fuck, does buck want to be closer than that. eddie has eyes that promise to tell him a thousand stories and he has scars on his skin that promise to tell him a thousand more, and he wants to know every single part of the man that smiles softly at him in awe, like he’s the most interesting sight he’s laid his eyes on, when he goes on an unrelenting rant.

so one weekend, once christopher is gone and knee-deep in the “books that will definitely make you want to be a (freelance) knight” section, buck looks over at eddie and asks him what his favorite book is. eddie, a little taken aback, admits that he doesn’t think he has one. buck hums, like the tidbit is Very Interesting Indeed, and eddie raises an eyebrow and asks, “why? what’s yours?”

joke’s on eddie, because that’s exactly what buck had wanted him to ask.

buck tells him he’ll tell eddie — in fact, he’ll even trade him a copy of his favorite book — for a story. eddie looks at him a little quizzically, like he’s having trouble understanding the concept, so buck explains that he’s collected way more than just books during his travels: he’s collected stories. and stories are all he’s made up of, and stories are all he loves to hear. it makes him feel like he’s part of something bigger — he collects them like secrets, keeps them close to his chest for himself, for a rainy day.

so buck points at a scar on eddie’s lips, and says, “you tell me the story behind that scar, i’ll trade you my favorite book.”

and eddie is — endeared? charmed? very confused? buck can’t really keep up with the plethora of emotions that flash past his expression, but eventually eddie concedes, and tells buck about the story behind the scar on his lip.

it’s a childhood scar, buck learns. eddie had been playing on a trampoline at his grandmother’s house and he’d bet his sisters he could do a backflip — turns out, he could do a backflip, but he back-flipped off the entire trampoline and hit his mouth on the edge of it. blood for ages, he says, laughing at the memory. he was sure he’d cracked some teeth — was lucky he didn’t. just the scar to remind him that he does not, in fact, have the spacial awareness he thought he did.

buck, satisfied with this response, hands him a copy of holes. he doesn’t tell eddie it’s his personal copy — leaves that tidbit out, content to see eddie’s gaze soften at the gift.

and then it just — keeps happening.

a book for a story. buck asks about a visible scar on eddie’s person and eddie will tell him the story behind it; for every story he tells buck, buck will gift him a copy that means a lot to him. the first book he ever learned to read himself; the first book he ever stole from a library (he forgot to return it, okay); the first book he read so much he wore out.

sometimes, eddie’ll take a second to gather himself before telling buck a story — in these instances, buck promises eddie he doesn’t have to tell him anything, but eddie seems like he’s determined to tell buck about it, and buck will learn about his time overseas, in the military; his adventures in firefighting; his brief stint in street fighting, of all things; childhood stories that involve his grandmother, his aunts, his sisters, even, more than they ever do his parents.

he’ll learn eddie, too, is made up of dozens of stories, and it’ll open up the most beautiful sight buck’s ever laid eyes upon: a man, filled to the brim with love and affection, feeling lonely and guilty every day of his life, unable to leave his stories in the past where they belong. so he gifts them to buck, and buck keeps them as he keeps all the others: close to his chest, closer still to his heart, and he begins to carry them for eddie, watching as, one by one, the weight begins to leave this wonderful man, leaving behind only the love and affection buck thinks he glows with.

eventually, buck runs out of scars to point out — he smiles sadly at eddie that day, says he guesses maybe it’s for the best: wouldn’t want eddie sharing anything else he’s not ready to share. eddie looks at him, a little conflicted, before his lips turn up into a slow smirk and he says something buck is probably going to be dreaming about for the rest of his entire fucking life: “you know, i got a couple more scars where you can’t immediately see. maybe you can inquire about those sometime.”

(and buck, eventually, very much does.)

(though eddie would super appreciate it if it wasn’t while he was trying to go down on buck, thanks.)

#*#*911 #answered #renecdote #i am so sorry it got this fucking long fsdajklflska #i promise not all of them will be like this THIS ONE JUST #yeah

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thedeviljudges · 3 years

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yohan + physical tough + trauma response

disclaimer: this is based off of eps 1-7, and preview of ep 8; i wholeheartedly recognize that this post may become the worst meta ever depending on how the rest of the show goes. however, i do think there are still some interesting things to note about yohan. a lot of this is also me just talking shit out as i was sifting through all the eps again. i’m more than willing to change my mind or hear other thoughts.

also i kinda, sorta, unnecessarily included all of the moments of yohan and any physicality. a lot of them are not super important, but i do think they help draw a distinction in how he reactions when surprised, alone and around other people.

so, here’s a long ass post that is literally 99% me bullshitting, lmao.

so i wanted to delve more into yohan’s response to physical touch by way of trauma. while i know a lot of us have pieced it together, i think it’s pretty cool to lay it all out visually because i think there’s much more justification for his reactions; not to say it makes it right, but it does really flesh out a fundamental part of his characterization that i think is highly, highly important to understand.

yohan lives on the cusp for reckless behavior, almost as if he doesn’t care whether he lives or dies. the car chase, running through industrial buildings where safety isn’t a concern, etc.

episode one

the first time we see an instance of his disinterest in physical touch is when he first meets gaon. he actually offers him his hand, but the way he goes about it isn’t a handshake. he almost looks hesitant, and then he squeezes and does not shake. it’s truly a split second gesture out of formalities. granted, he’s just met someone he thinks looks like isaac, and might be in a little bit of… not shock, but certainly distracted.

later in the episode, yohan is in an abandoned building with homeless people. he’s checking people’s wrist, but he’s quick about leaving them alone. until, a homeless man comes up behind him and grabs him. in response, yohan swings his arm to knock him off. then, he punches him, steps on him and decides whether he’s worth the effort. again, granted, no one likes to be surprised in a creepy situation like this, so his response? kinda understandable at this point.

next is the scene where yohan catches gaon in his office, where he pushes him against the bookshelf and kinda, more or less, comes off as a bit luring. we know yohan knows gaon’s lying, but a couple of things here. yohan initiated the physical contact, and he did it because of the suspicious nature of gaon. yohan also knows how to use his power and charms to catch people off guard, and i think really, he was messing with gaon when he brushed his shirt and asked him if he lived alone. gay as fuck, lmao, but i also see it as an intimidation tactic, in a way.

i could also pose a couple of theories aside from intimidation if we wanted to squint:

yohan is still in a state of awe of gaon’s resemblance to isaac. he’s not heard his voice or been around the other man for at least 10 years, and now there’s tangibility at his fingertips.

if we want to look at it from the gay perspective, gaon is clearly intriguing to yohan, and as i’ll note further down in this post about yohan in relation to physical touch, i’m sure it could be assumed that this is one of the first people in a long time that yohan has an interest in making a connection with. however, because of his upbringing, it’s clear he does’t necessarily know how to connect with people (ie. ep 7 trying to connect with elijah, eps 1-6 with him trying to non-verbally tell gaon that he has bigger plans than what’s in front of his face. his admission in ep 5 about being monster). more or less, he knows his charms can be used, but when it comes to actually flirting and/or liking someone? it’s left to be addressed, but could be assumed he’s just as awkward about it as when we see him at home.

we also see a small instance of him letting someone dress him. there’s still touch involved, but it’s very clear what the intention is. he has control over the situation, and it’s not a surprise.

the next time he engages in physical touche, again, he initiates it because he’s in control, and it’s meant to be comforting, to an extent.

and then to round everything off, we actually see him reaching for isaac, who is actually gaon in the court scene, but you know storytelling and all that. he reaches for him both in the courtroom and within a flashback.

him reaching out for isaac seems to be a motif within the show as it happens later on, of which i’ll point out.

episode two

we see him initiate a handshake again. at first, to gaon, and then with jinjoo. controlled situation.

later on in the episode is when we see our first glimpses of batshit crazy yohan, an absolute delight and fav, lmao. he actually reaches out to the spoiled kid, and it’s clearly to legitimize intimidation and a position of power.

okay look, i’m not even gonna front, this was a cute scene. when jinjoo gets out of the car, he checks to make sure she’s okay, and they have this moment before they go onto the red carpet where they smile at each other. yohan is confirming she’s okay, and she agrees. again, controlled, and i don’t know for certain if yohan is more comfortable around women, or it’s just mere fact that he doesn’t always have a problem with touch when the situation is safe. he actually lets her take his arm further on in the scene, and yes, it is a public display of niceties, and he knows that.

so in the midst of this happening, we get the ‘devil child’ story. and i want to make note of the bird scene because i do think it’s important to note that people yohan cares for, he’s willing to go to the ends of the earth to protect them. yes, they’re children in school, but the girl next to him is the only one who showed him an ounce of kindness, and yohan is proven to remain loyal to those he loves or trusts in some capacity.

of course, he ends up pitting the rich and the poor kids against one another for their betrayal and making him an outcast. in yohan’s mind, what he did wasn’t necessarily wrong because his sense of justice is based on protection and when people wrong him or those he loves, it’s seeking justice on their behalf or making the situation better - not in the technically right way, but right to him. yohan comes across as a fixer and problem solver.

yohan has a very, very strong sense of trust and loyalty, and we can assume that stems from isaac, who clearly tried to protect yohan from his father, who went out of his way to do so as best as he could as a young kid. yohan values loyalty not because he necessarily wants lap dogs and people to do his bidding. it comes from a place of love and security he’s never really had.

anyway, back to the gala with jinjoo, he does shake the minister’s hand. again, controlled. there are cameras. he also puts his arm around her, and that’s mainly because it’s a battle of the wills, and she’s trying to reprimand him, lol, as if she could. he hugs her a little hard and a little enthusiastically, and you can clearly tell it’s for show.

and then he dances with both jinjoo and sunah. and there is a stark difference between these two scenes. yohan actually teaches jinjoo the proper placement for where she should rest her hands and how to move. he’s actually having a good time with her, and again, it’s actually really cute.

with sunah, he’s reluctant and definitely on guard. he can tell from her demeanor that her intent is with purpose trying to get close to him. at this point in the story, he probably sees it as sunah coming onto him and not because she’s actually the maid from when they were children. when sunah reaches up to whisper in his ear, you can really tell he doesn’t like her being that close to him at all especially because her words may not be overly threatening, but there is purpose behind them, which means yohan’s guards are up. he physically removes her hand and than blatantly turns her down: she tells him that enjoying things alone isn’t fun, and he counters it by saying he’s having a lot of fun.

so at this point to reduce on some screen caps, he meets the minister’s family, has handshakes with her husband and the kid he went after to essentially beat up his car with a mallet, lmao. the handshake is quite funny because they both know what happened. yohan is in control, and that kid is shaking in his boots.

then the explosion happens, and of course, it makes sense that yohan helps gaon after he’s hurt. gaon has never been a threat to yohan, and it’s clear yohan’s not heartless whatsoever, but it’s also poignant to note that gaon helped saved yohan’s life, thus starting yohan’s journey of loyalty to gaon. i think he’s always had his sight set on gaon to begin with, possibly long before he even became an associate judge, but if this was a test, gaon passed it with flying colors because if gaon can rescue a little girl, and he can help an old man who fell off his bike, would he really go the lengths to save yohan who has shown him time and time again his sense of justice is different?

episode three

yohan reacts negatively to soohyun and within good reason when she questions where gaon is. he turns away because for him, the conversation is over, but for her, it’s not. to get his attention, she grabs him when he’s not paying attention, and of course he has a very adverse reaction. at this point, it can be chalked up to disrespect given the fact that he’s a head judge and she’s just a mere cop, but hindsight is 20/20. he does throw her arm off by flicking out his arm. but instead of berating her, he just tells her to catch the culprits who harmed gaon and leaves it at that.

and then of course, everyone’s favorite scene and rightfully so. yohan caring for gaon? very sexy of him. gaon is injured, poses no threat, and as i said above about yohan finding some amount of loyalty in gaon means his physical boundaries aren’t jeopardized. and for that, we get these wonderful scenes of yohan helping gaon as he heals.

and then scenes of him messing around with gaon by hitting him. truth be told, i wonder if this was something him and isaac did as young kids. anyone with siblings know how that goes. fake picking on each other? fake bickering? yeah.

and then it slowly, but surely, it’s revealed that yohan didn’t have the same upbringing as isaac did. our first instance that something at home wasn’t right wasn’t just the conversation with ms. ji and gaon. it’s the flashback with yohan reading in his room when the door opens. he hastily pretends he’s asleep, and you can see he’s visibly shaking and breathing roughly until he realizes it’s isaac who’s there to give him books.

and that’s also when we get our first glance of what kind of abuse yohan suffered from at the hands of his father. it’s clear this isn’t the only incident, and there’s been many times that isaac wasn’t around to help defend him.

it’s also very clear in how yohan acts when he’s terrified and that his abuse has gone on long enough to be a routine pattern in the house. any time he hears heavy footsteps or thinks his father is around, he visibly shakes and gets panicky.

episode four

i include this scene because it’s been noted that a lot of books yohan reads are about humans, human nature, animals, animalistic tendencies, and he says random shit like this that directly points to what he thinks about humanity and humans themselves. we notice this most prominently at the dinner with gaon and jinjoo earlier on when he describes that he likes the feel of the chew and that he cannot taste. he always mentions hunting and prey, and i think this is one of those very clear instances where he actually reveals to gaon what he truly, truly thinks; no gimmicks. this also comes into play later on in ep 6 when elijah is worried about him being out all night. yohan clearly doesn’t trust people at all. he understands their intentions, their motives and how much pain they can cause other people for their own profit and their own gain. it makes sense that he wouldn’t leave his house, especially if he has a strong sense of loyalty to isaac (even after all these years) and caring for elijah.

this is also one of the very direct moments that yohan doesn’t understand family dynamics. when it comes to people, it’s a giant chess game. not only that, later on in the episode when they’re in the car and yohan talks about how people, no matter what, are always the same in front of greed, yohan is cynical, and he expects the bad every single time.

what he reads and the way he words things (here and the discussion of him being a monster, for example) is clearly an indication that he doesn’t trust; that he cannot trust, nor does he want to at this point. yohan doesn’t understand the concept of kindness being given freely (ep 7 when he berates elijah for being used by gaon, telling her she falls for kindness every time). and yet, later on in eps, it’s clear when he’s around the right people and the right mindset (uh, gaon?? lol), he’s constantly putting up a front.

after all in ep 7 when he tells gaon that confidence is key, it literally gives him away not just in the courtroom but in his personal life. there’s a reason he looks softer at home than when he’s not there (the hairstyle changes and clothing).

basically what i’m getting at is this behavior can be seen as a defense mechanism because of his abuse.

then it’s another gala event with gaon and yohan this time. another lovely favorite where yohan helps him get dressed and then proceeds to drag him around and safe him from the lion’s den.

tbh i dont even need to include these, but i’m doing it for the indulgence.

yohan does sorta physically throw gaon as well during the rich people party, but that’s mainly to get him to shut up because he’s trying to show gaon the truth at hand and how all of it’s pretty much a farce.

later on in the episode is when we first have gaon truly attacking yohan verbally, and that’s when yohan snaps. it’s clear that isaac is a trigger for yohan, especially from someone who speaks out of line on something they know nothing about. gaon, truth be told, had a stupid moment confronting yohan the way he did. i don’t know who waltzes up to a proposed murderer and just asks them, lmao.

but here’s the thing, thus far, gaon has not entirely posed a threat to yohan. whether that’s from yohan planting gaon and guiding him exactly where he wants him or gaon just not being as thorough as yohan would like, and he’s trying to tap into that talent, is anyone’s guess. but as i said above, the one thing yohan protects is the things he does care about the most, and he tries to talk himself out of his own feelings. he constantly compares himself to an animal (again, dinner scene with gaon and jinjoo) to justify his actions, and to possibly not feel anything; because that’s easier, isn’t it? not feeling. so on top of gaon calling him a monster and a killer, confronted with the possibility about being a villain in his own brother’s story, obviously sets him off. he beats down his emotions until he’s confronted with it - and this is what gaon also meant in ep 6 about how it’s ridiculous that yohan calls himself a monster over a victim because yohan can’t even see himself in that light. not because he truly believes victims are weak necessarily, but i wonder how much he realizes that what happened to him wasn’t his fault.

to me, and as i just said, yohan convinces himself he’s a monster to make it easier for himself to belief his actions (ep 5 telling gaon some humans are born monsters in relation to himself). it’s not that he inherently thinks he’s wrong, but i think his guidance for what’s right and wrong was misconstrued without a parent figure in his life, especially if he’d read crime and law books as the focus. yohan’s actions, at least quite a bit of them are, are based on a gut feeling of right and wrong. when you think about it and your own sense of justice, how would that differ without the checks and balances in place? what punishment do you think fits the crime if we weren’t bound by written law? yohan thinks any action to protect those he loves is, more or less, justifiable because it’s a means to an end. it’s making a worng right again.

i don’t think yohan is a monster. i think his feelings, and what he knows is love, is misconstrued in terms of how to express it. we see this in episode 7 with his and elijah’s conversation where she’s just trying to be a teen, but his version of love is protecting her without, once again, understanding family dynamics and the pain points of growing up, the learning she has to do on her own. yohan might technically be right; similar to being book-smart but not necessarily street smart. his theory of telling Elijah that she’s soft for kindness and being used was true, but his delivery and the idea that that’s how humans develop doesn’t work. he’s telling her text-book rules, but people don’t live through books. they live through real life. yohan reads to get a sense of fulfillment and to learn. he’s learned his way into adulthood, but that’s not normal.

so uh anyway, back to this familiar scene:

because we don’t know the actual story of isaac’s death, it’s hard to say what role yohan played in his death, but i don’t know that i believe he was the one who did it. the entirety of the devil judge is relying on unreliable narration, so it’s difficult to gauge (for now since we’re on ep 7) how this will turn out and what happened, but to me, it really comes across as yohan upset over the insinuation that he could be the one to cause the death of the one person he loved the most. plus, i think it says a lot that he cares/loves elijah, and she was part of isaac. gaon crossed a thine line. yohan essentially welcomed him in, and this is gaon toeing it. we can also look at this is not gaon being an outsider to their family, but now has become part of the family, and so it’s easier for yohan to be ‘abusive,’ if you will, rather than the perspective of gaon still on the sidelines and pushing too far. by this i mean, the accusations made by gaon threatens their formulating family dynamics.

and once again, the only person he ever actually reaches out for is isaac.

and then we have the aftermath of yohan’s nightmare, where he’s still caught in the dream as gaon comes in, and refuses to be touched after, even if gaon’s intention is to see if he’s okay. yohan makes it very clear to gaon not to touch him, and that’s when elijah comes in with a very accusatory ‘what are you two doing?’ in this moment, yohan is not just vulnerable, but he’s emotionally sensitive. i’ve no doubt he’s still dealing with a form of sensory overload from his dream.

and then, i don’t know that this was necessary? was it necessary?

the following set of scenes are the ones where gaon tells him he’s a victim and he hasn’t confronted his own emotions about his abuse. i think yohan realizes gaon is right to some degree, but it is convoluted, and it’s not so simple to face your own traumas. however, he does for a moment after gaon leaves, remember another instance of abuse he couldn’t stop but wishes he could, wishing a parental figure of sorts would’ve come in to save him like his older self is trying to save the kid version if only he could turn back time, if only he had the power to do what he wish someone else had done for him.

and then the kidnapping scene is just. fucked up in and of itself. it actually makes my skin crawl. not because sunah is scary necessarily, but the lack of autonomy yohan has - especially when we find out later more of sunah’s story. to do something like this after what she’s suffered through makes this scene even more disturbing.

you can see the moment yohan hears heels when sunah (not knowing it’s her yet) comes in. literally the minute he knows someone’s headed his way, he checks the fuck out. his whole face goes slack, especially when sunah reveals herself. and when she’s kissing him? blank as fuck, too. it’s the most dead-eyed stare i think we’ve seen from him.

episode six

so, we get this gem from elijah that i’d like to touch on later. it’s more speculation and just me running through ideas more than it is canon fact. but what it does let us know is that yohan doesn’t seek people out. he prefers to be at home and staying there.

after we get the maid story, and we do get yohan touching sunah’s cheek, and in some fucked up twisted way, this is his way of protecting one of the things isaac cherishes the most. the point of the gesture isn’t just intimidation but serves as an act of intent, of protection in the only way yohan knows how. he’s safeguarding isaac. you can tell he doesn’t actually like sunah at all as a kid, but uses that to his advantage. imagine yohan learning violence for ‘good’ things when his father used violence for ‘bad’ things. what a twisted way of looking at it? and the irony at hand.

additionally, the main reason i’ve included so many varying scenes of yohan touching people isn’t to establish that he’s okay with being touched given how many scenes there are of him randomly shaking people’s hand or touching them. it’s all about context and what the intent is for. most often than not, really way more often than not, yohan only reaches out for people when it’s socially acceptable to do so and because it’s manners. and yet, even in some of those cases, there is still intent behind the gesture.

the moments he acts out the most are when he’s not in front of an audience, when he’s more likely to be alone with his thoughts and is exceptionally more vulnerable to his own triggers.

and i think the scene after he’s back at his house from the kidnapping is noteworthy because it doesn’t just feel like he’s shaking off the effects of the drugs he was given. he seems to visibly trying to compose himself of the mental and physical play he just had to deal with.

the next scene is yohan angry with gaon for taking elijah out. which really, he does have every right to be angry, and one thing i didn’t note above during the ‘you killed your brother’ choke out scene before is that when yohan is backed into any kind of corner, he reacts like a caged animal.

because we’ve already established the scenes with his abuse, his father took his anger physically out on yohan. so how else was yohan supposed have developed the tools to express it? it’s easy to hurt the things you love the most; it’s easy to abuse the ones you know, and between gaon and himself, they both have an unhealthy dynamic because gaon is old enough, strong enough to take whatever yohan gives him. gaon is not family and so there’s still that clear divide and a distinction as to why he lays a hand on gaon but not elijah, for example. gaon can still pose a threat. elijah is family. then again, it can also be said that maybe yohan considers gaon family, and gaon betrayed elijah and therefore yohan, and you don’t do that. not with yohan’s understanding of family dynamics.

but with that said, it begs the question why yohan keeps gaon around, and i think some of that has to do with the fact that gaon surprises yohan. he might’ve set his sights on him long before he became an associate judge or maybe he took interest after gaon was chosen for the role (this is still up in the air), but deep down, yohan sees something in gaon despite his snooping, despite his righteousness. it could be the potential; it could be the fact that gaon could be better than yohan if he just allowed himself to loosen the ropes he’s tied himself with when it comes to the court of law and the justice system.

but here’s the thing that idk a lot of people have really picked up on. gaon is one side of the same coin underneath it all. he’s also provoked yohan with physicality when yohan brought up details about soohyun.

to be fair, we can say that yohan evokes a different type of anger in gaon, one that he hasn’t tapped into for years that allows him to open up to that more physical side of himself he learned to put behind him. gaon doesn’t really come across as the physically threatening type, but yohan does push his buttons and vice versa.

but then, of course, we have the big fight scene where gaon goes in on the attack, and that’s when yohan makes his threat not to attack him ever again. it’d be easy to say he says it based on the merit of him not actually attacking soohyun, but seriously speaking, the intent feels much more than that. more along the lines of asking gaon not to provoke him without warning again because next time might be bad. most of their other fights, especially the one above,have been in the midst of conversation. this time, it’s from a place of complete surprise, and you can tell yohan goes on the defensive when his first instinct is to not just throw gaon back but raise his fist to strike.

episode seven

the only physical contact yohan has with anyone is the president, and that’s when he turns on the live video of the two of them, and it’s clearly intended to be a lowkey threat. he keeps pulling the president back into his side to be on the live camera after the dude tried to come after yohan. i do think it’s hilarious that yohan manipulated the situation with a live component just as the president and the rest of the rich people thought they could turn a live court show into manipulating the public.

and then, of course, the jail scene. the part where he makes gaon stay. he also touches gaon’s shoulder later just before they leave.

episode eight

the most prominent scene in this ep is certainly the scene where sunah comes onto yohan, and you can tell she did it to get under his skin in some way. of course, he’s smart and knows she’s up to something, but i think it’s so interesting how he wraps his fists around hers, almost as if to tame her and prevent her from trying to further put her hands on him.

we also know yohan has no issue with using physical force regardless of who it is (obviously, his dialogue in this scene, too) when he feels caged or trapped. his intention is also to retrieve isaac’s necklace, and i like how he uses literally anything to his advantage. meaning, he’ll use physical touch, his mentality, etc to get what he wants or needs, even if it is marginally uncomfortable to some degree.

and i think that also says alot about him is that he’s able to displace what makes him uncomfortable in moments like this to achieve an end goal.

additional thoughts

i know this isn’t really common with a lot of the characters in general, and could be chalked up to a cultural component, but yohan’s definitely not a hugger.

the other thing i wanted to note is yohan’s seemingly adherence to touch unless it’s for good reason in relation to sex. the main reason i bring it up is because i’ve seen it discussed a bit, especially in regard to elijah’s comment about him not staying out overnight since the fire. there are a few plausible scenarios, maybe more, but for the sake of this, we’ll go for these.

yohan has had past relationships/experience or will in future episodes

day flings

he’s never had an interest in anyone before given his upbringing and abuse and therefore never sought out sex

inexperience could be from lack of interest in other people and sex itself

he’s never found anyone to really connect with and trust in such a way and has avoided it for that reason

and i bring this up mainly because i think it could be something to explore in fanon, but also because i’m kind of annoyed with how people have been talking about yohan being a virgin. i’m not quite sure what the joke is, but lack of sexual experience does not mean naive or that he doesn’t have a sense of humor when that’s clearly far from the truth:

i don’t know that people find it unbelievable because of his age, because of characterization of yohan being more dominant, but none of these things negate this being an option. i think it’s perfectly plausible of a situation (from what we know right now), and truthfully, it would make a whole lot of sense. i just don’t get the jokes about it that i’ve been seeing online (twitter) when there isn’t a mutual exclusiveness to any of it whatsoever.

yohan already has a hard time connecting with people, and i can imagine that level of physicality could be difficult. clearly he knows how to use a version of it to get what he wants. i’ve no doubt he’s used his charms in situations where he’s needed to. yohan knows he has that going for him, at the very least. but sexual appeal and jokes doesn’t mean having a body count any more than it could indicate there being one.

lastly, i also want to pull these paragraphs from @b612sunsets‘s post because i think they do a much better job than i ever could of explaining, short and sweet, a fundamental part of yohan’s characterization, and mainly what i was trying to get at with this long ass post.

“There's two things we already know about Yohan from the last 6 episodes: he hates being touched when he doesn't see it coming and doesn't have control over it because of the abuse he suffered (I assume). To name a few: Soohyun grabbing his elbow to stop him from leaving and get answers about Gaon, the beggar that touched him while he searched for the fireman, Gaon after punching him and Yohan clearly telling him to NEVER do it again. The impression it gave to us is that if there's a next time he might not be able to stop his instinctive reaction of defending himself and using violence back (something worse than choking or pushing Gaon and he doesn't want to do that with him).

“Unless it's a friendly/small/slow touch like in the breakfast scene when Gaon touches his arm when he gets up to offer them some fruits. When he had the nightmare with Isaac, his walls were up high so even if he could see Gaon's touch coming and it was friendly, he decided to stop it because he was too defensive and sensible to accept the gesture (it would be the first time Gaon started physical contact with him too, he wouldn't be ready for that in such a state).

“The second thing is that Yohan hates when people take what is his or mess with what is important to him. Again, to name a few: Sunah with the necklace when she was a maid, the fireman with Isaac's watch (Yohan made them fall from high places, not caring if they died or not), the guy that fabricated the small bombs that hurt Gaon (Yohan would have burnt his face if "K" hadn't stopped him) and Gaon taking Elijah out of the house to Soohyun without previous notice (a cop and someone he doesn't trust).”

yohan has a very, very large sense of self-preservation for himself and for those he cares about. it’s in his intention, actions, facial expressions, movements, the way he interacts with people. i find it fascinating how calculating he can be, but at home, he’s at his most vulnerable and almost socially unaware and awkward.

yohan is a bit of an irony. he understands people from an action-oriented, instinctual level, but he doesn’t necessarily understand their thoughts and emotions in the waves of nuances that people live through on the daily. like, he gets it to an extent and on a practical level, but he himself is a square trying to fit into a circle - he doesn’t always understand it for himself and has to actively work on social cues so as not to come across as the devil child he was once painted to be.

and let it not be unsaid, yohan really will go to the ends of the earth for family, even if it means stepping out of his comfort zone.

and so anyway, i doubt this offered any real insight, but i think this is my way of breaking all of this down for myself. so, tada!!! lmao

#x #the devil judge #the devil judge meta #*#*the devil judge

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