PLS PLS IM BEGGING UPDATE COLLARS AND CAGES PLSSSSSS IM GONNA CRY THE CLIFFHANGER OF CHAPTER 4 PLSSS UPDATE IT

no

its time for scp required reading... TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

please for the love of god heed the fucking warnings im so serious . like as much as i want to keep the tone of this post jokey and funny you NEED to heed the warnings on these

ok with that out of the way. read about my blorbos boy

''incident 239-b clef-kondraki'' (general warning for violence and blood/gore) - this one fucks. thats all i have to say about it

''technical issues'' - this one's funny + im biased because i fucking love pat the tech guy

''routine psychological evaluations by doctor glass'' - again i have personal bias about this (<- simon glass enjoyer + host is a glass introj) + this ones funny + if you're more into the fanon versions of the foundation staff this is right up your alley

''tradition'' - halloween party fun :-)

''dr cimmerian hits reply all'' - this is exactly what it sounds like i don't now what to tell you

''stupid cupid / stupid cupid: stop picking on me!'' - my house my rules read about cimmerian and his boytoy

''hawaiian shirts'' - clef fucking Breaks. thats all i can say about this without exploding into viscera

''help me my (love for) my daughter was born too still'' (general warning for mentions of child death) - i have personal bias about this (<- #1 agatha rights enjoyer) but this tale is So Good in general and a super interesting look at how agatha perceives herself and her work/life balance

''so leave yourself alone.'' (warning for graphic depictions of vomit and attempted suicide) - REALLY really really good look at clef kind of dropping his cruel persona and iris' mental health struggles regarding the foundation

''yesterday'' (warning for violence and implied/reference suicide. kind of.) - :-( <- this is the only way i can express my emotions about this tale. anyway it's really good and an interesting way of showing clefs relationships with people

''an apple a day...'' - REALLY good look at how dr glass is as a person and how he acts with people + this entire tale fucks SEVERELY

''personal log of dr gears / personal log of █████ 'iceberg' ████'' - good example of how gears and iceberg both format their documents / how they speak + its vaguely gearsberg + this gives a look at how gears and iceberg met. read the gearsberg tale boy

''portraits of your father'' (warning for graphic alcoholism, suicide, survivors guilt, and blood/gore) - super good look at draven and his relationship with his father, and kondraki's alcoholism, and also talloran is there. also three cheers for dravoran

''life's cold'' - most normal day iceberg has at this fuckass foundation + this is a good look at how iceberg acts and thinks

''fond memories'' (warning for death and body horror) - draven proposes! Draven proposes.

''scp-3999'' (warning for bugs, paranoia, death, body horror, sexual assault/rape, unreality, self harm, and depictions of bodily mutilation) - unironically this one fucks me up so bad its so fucking good dude. go read about james talloran RIGHT NOW

''i stared into the face of everything and nothing and made it back alive'' - this one also fucks me up so bad like i dont even have anything to say. read about talloran and draven RIGHT NOW

''you are at the center of everything that happens to you'' - james talloran talks to himself. kind of.

''a suicide note'' (warning for mentions of rape, child murder, survivors guilt, and suicide) - interesting look at clefs thoughts on him and his work

''date night'' - objectum win! dr alto clef is objectoromantic AND objectosexual! <- that should tell you all you need to know about this one

''scp-4231 / montauk house'' (warnings for graphic depictions of sexual assault, rape, child abuse/neglect, murder, domestic violence, verbal/physical abuse and survivor's guilt) - absolutely gut-wrenching look at alto clef/francis wojciechoski and why he's so fucked up. uh genuinely do read the warnings on this one because when i say graphic i am not exaggerating. all of these things are explored in detail and are genuinely triggering so.

''okay, that's enough, let's get you home'' (warnings for some dubious make-out sessions, (mentioned) suicide, implications of rape/sexual assault, and vomit) - shameless moldhouse plug sorry not sorry. HIGHLY recommend reading this and it's other parts in their entirety because it genuinely drives me up the fucking wall it is So good. i will sing moldhouses praises until my throat goes out. read moldhouse Now

''duke 'till dawn'' - bpd king!!!!! anyway i dont have a lot of thoughts on this its just really good. also i didnt know dracula was an actual scp until i read this which is kind of funny to me

''rights' birthday party'' - my house my rules you're going to read about agatha rights whether you like it or not

''sex at a frigid temperature'' - again, my house my rules. read the depressing gearsberg tale, boy.

''7 things that new level 3 researchers should know'' - i dont have any thoughts on this i just think this one has really cool formatting

''home is where i want to be'' - no greater thoughts this is just really neat i think. also kiryu labs is in it and im biased as fuck

''gentle wings flutter quietly in the dark'' - read about zyn kiryu NOW

Praying for a Better New Year!!!

Im a Black disabled 2S and my girlfriend a reconnecting Indigenous trans woman have been struggling almost continuously throughout the pandemic. We have gone thru lots of physical, emotional and systematic state violence and We both are at our breaking points.

And before i get deeper into this im genuinely asking yall DO NOT TRIGGER TAG this post as it will basically get minimal traction, because this is a donation post!

Many things have increased my/our financial load and stress in the past 6 months, my (still abusive) mother had a series of mini strokes/1 heart attack which led to me taking care of her, more bills and all the house work. Due to her still being abusive Ive chosen to start helping her from a far, because my mental stability has been worn thin and constantly on the back burner.

My partner @grumblybutch this year has gone through a lot of family abuse, transmisogyny, housing and food insecurity, which has really broken their spirit. With all thats going on in our lives as well as personal, cultural and spirtual reasons my girlfriend really wants to get dual citizenship and be able to live/work on their land again.

We have been cfunding already to make this happen but recently we have a had 3 major set backs to getting my partner dual citizenship.

1. We have found mold INSIDE the walls which we cant fix until the pnw rain stops, we need to buy 2 HEPA air filters for the rooms until we can fix the whole walls, because my mother and I have breathing issues, approx $300-$350

2. My ex boss literally stole $455 from under me right before the holiday break, hasn't paid me for a very long time, so until I get that money we have had to dip into the flight/citizenship fund, but even then we havent been able to get much in the mean of groceries or necessities

3. A few days ago my partner attempted suicide due to all the stressors life has put them through this year, and while this isnt an initial monetary set back, we are going to prioritize our mental health as much as possible, esp my girlfriends after this. We are looking for treatment options for them atm but since theyre out of state we have to pay out of pocket for the treatment they need.

Our original goal to get the funds for tickets/citizenship was January 7th but Its clear that with 7 days left, and 3 major set backs we will not be meeting our goals by then

We are going to use what funds we have left to get some necessities and basics for the house. And hope to re raise the money for tickets and for the HEPA filters and mental healthcare my girlfriend really needs.

our new goal is $1,800, due to the various setbacks, but when I get paid Ill be saving some to go toward our goal as well.

I truly just want to be able to breath, eat and keep us safe before I leave with my lover back to her land, This is all very important to us, thank you for reading.

CA: $sleepyhen or $grumblybear

VN: wildwotko or XochiRose

DM @grumblybutch for PP

Hello, Britishmuffin

I hope you are having a wonderful day/night.

Just wanted to know what inspires you to make such amazing art pieces? As well how do you deal with art block?

Im a artist myself but times get tuff and I lose motivation and start developing art block.

Sincerely, fisheggsoup :)

Morning! Love your name :D

Truthfully, my biggest motivator is born of necessity these days. I create art because I have bills to pay and family to support. My patrons are a huge driving force in all this, cheering me on from the sidelines while I work; my band of blessed saviours.

I also make sure that my social feeds are full of artists I love, who make art that makes me happy. I'm always watching films and playing games, always constantly absorbing media in this wacky age of technology-infused information. Then if I'm lucky, I get the chance to step outside for a walk in the woods with my sibling to help ground ourselves in the world and reconnect with nature, pure medicine for the troubled soul.

All of these activities serve to stir the Brain Soup and sometimes reflect in my artwork. I rarely get struck with the "fabled bolt of inspiration" these days, but I blame the current climate. I did used to.

As some of you will already know because I'm being quite open about it this time, I'm currently battling the worst bout of burnout I've had in literal years. So really, I'm not sure I'm the best person to be asking on the topic of how to deal with it, but here you go:

In my experience it’s not the best idea to wait for inspiration to strike. Inspiration is unreliable, constantly waiting can leave you anxious, and also most of us just don’t have the luxury of being able to. I kinda think we just need to create despite it (or TO spite it, or in order to spite someone who told you you couldn't, if that's your sauce).

If you feel like your art sucks, instead of expecting perfection try just giving yourself permission to be bad at art for a while, you might be surprised about how much of a relief it feels. Make a hundred terrible little sketches, doodles, scribbles, or just make marks on paper. You don’t even have to show them to anyone, they can be just for your eyes! More often than not I’ve found that the physical act of creating artwork can genuinely inspire you to make more, and better work. It flexes those art muscles and gets the creative cogs whirring. Just make stuff!!!

As a person who’s had little choice but to create for years, it can be really helpful to push through it. Not always, though.

Sometimes the art block you’re staring down actually goes layers deep into the realms of debilitating mental health and poor living status, right into dangerous burnout and breakdown territory. Some would argue that creating art in times of real pain is the best medicine, and indeed, creates the best results. I wholly disagree.

My advice is to always make art in those moments when you can, even if it sucks. And when you just can’t, then rest. Watch your favourite guilty pleasure anime, cook some delicious food, hug your pets, go exist in nature for a bit. Have you ever seen Kiki’s Delivery Service? That!

Helpful links to combat art block:

Line of Action has great learning resources, while also being a brilliant tool for a variety of speedy sketch warm-ups

Don’t know what to draw? Use a character description generator!

You could flex your figure drawing muscles with models on Figurosity, AdorkaStock, or ArtModels360 (nudity warning)

Improve your fundamental art skills with Drawabox or videos on The Fix List

Generate some colour palettes to use as a challenge. Adobe’s colour wheel tool isn’t too bad either

Other more practical tips include:

If you struggle staying motivated, try to refocus by sitting down and asking yourself "What kind of art do I really want to create?” Try to rediscover what excites you! Is your aim to work in the art industry? To be able to draw your OCs smooching? Draw beefy bara men? Do you really just wanna paint cool rocks? All valid af

Pull up images of your favourite artworks and study them. Ask yourself “Why do I like this artwork?” Are the outfits really cool designs? Is the lineart super stylish? Do you love the way they used colours? After that, think about what you need to learn to get to that point yourself, and start small. Mimic your favourite artworks in order to learn how to do it.

Example: If you realise that you want to improve at drawing hands, just spend a week learning about them. Draw pages and pages of them, find a way to make them fun and sexy to draw! I did just that, and now hands are actually one of my favourite things to draw, it works.

Warm-ups are SO important. If you just started on a piece and already feel defeated, ask yourself “Did I warm up enough first?” You can try looping fifty quick spirals in different sizes with your pen, scratch out some box shapes, doodle some funky wiggly shapes, crosshatch them, whatever you want! Just get that hand moving before you leap into your artwork of choice, it helps to loosen up to keep your lines from becoming too stiff.

If it’s just not working today, that’s okay. Take a break by filtering your creativity into another entirely different creative pursuit. You could try baking something tasty, making music, writing for your next D&D campaign, building cute houses in minecraft or the sims, painting miniatures, crafting with paper or sewing fabric, etc etc. Anything that keeps the creative brain ticking that isn’t drawing is also worthwhile.

And, mentally:

Try not to worry about what other people think of your artwork. Doesn’t matter what age you are or your background, the fact you’ve created anything at all is incredible. You brought something into the world that didn’t exist before. You’re powerful as hell.

Related: please please please don’t focus on being “successful” on social media. Even though I know it can feel awesome to post your art and get instant reactions, these things are a death spiral of addictive behaviour and shouldn’t dictate your creativity. Use sparingly.

Remember that your kid self would absolutely be losing their mind over the cool stuff you’ve made now. Same goes for your ancient ancestors who used to make those little clay animals. You’re doing great, be proud.

Don’t be so damn hard on yourself. I mean it <3

If you keep drawing you will improve. You will get your motivation back. You will make art again even if it takes you a while. And know that a muffin is cheering for you c:

I want to hear the ed + recovery thoughts. I want to hear them so badly. I have post notifications on for you and saw your post within a minute because of how much I love your thoughts.

should i be sleeping? yes i have to leave for work in exactly 8 hours (i said when i started this . as im finishing it we are looking at 7 hrs 15 min lol) . but i Have to Talk ! also just letting you know you almost made me CRY with this ask you guys are all genuinely so sweet and kind to me i cannot believe it 💗💐☀ i love you all :-((

OKAY gonna put this under a cut so anyone who doesn't wanna see ed related content can SCROLL AWAY ! gonna avoid being triggering but . protect ur peace and all that <3 also i wanna put out there that this is mostly based on my own experiences with seven years of various eating disorders so if you are reading this and it doesn't fit your idea or perception of ed's that may be why !

ok so the three main characters i have ed-related headcanons for are brennan, angela, and cam (before anyone comments that it's only the women . there is no correlation i promise . i am projecting and these are my Projection Characters .)

i hc brennan as having arfid and orthorexia-- arfid developed for her from a combination of sensory issues with food as well as food-related anxiety from foster care (not always having enough to eat, rarely having any choice in what she ate, food-related punishments within abusive homes). being avoidant is an easy way to ignore the anxiety and stress that comes along with eating, between her sensory issues and the fact that she wasn't given an opportunity to develop much of a healthy relationship with food. orthorexia also developed as a control mechanism, but later in life (around college age). it was the first time since her parents left that she had control over her life, and that included food-- she became very obsessive about what she was putting in her body, because it gave her some of that sense of control back. her obsession with being "healthy" allowed her to feel like she was the one in charge of her body for the first time since she was fifteen.

in regards to recovery, she really didn't realize she had a problem for ages. since she wasn't medically unstable or engaging in super obvious behaviours, she didn't see herself as suffering from an eating disorder at all. it wasn't until sweets pointed out her disordered eating habits that she realized there was anything wrong with what she was doing-- she brought it up to booth, who agreed, which culminated in a fairly major argument as she didn't see anything she was doing as "bad" or disordered, just "healthy" and "in control". after a Real Conversation though, she eventually accepted that she might have some sort of problem and started looking into it more. she is definitely still in recovery, as it is a very slow process after so many years of disordered eating, but she makes an effort to engage in things that scare the disordered part of her brain. her favourite memory in regards to this was getting *real* ice cream for the first time in god knows how long when her and angela were out with the kids <33

my headcanons in regard to angela's ed are very connected to my headcanon that she has bipolar disorder-- many of us with bipolar really struggle with disordered eating and i specifically hc angela as having bulimia. it started when she was a teenager and first starting to experience bipolar episodes-- when manic or depressed, it's incredibly easy to fall into b/p cycles. when she was manic, it was like a form of thrill seeking, and she didn't have the capacity to care for the destruction it was causing, and when depressed, it felt like she was putting her awful feelings into something physical. it was hard to express her emotions through words, so she used her body instead.

i think she entered recovery for the first time in her late teens (around 17) when her mental health hit like . rock bottom and her dad decided that they needed to do something about it. she got the treatment she needed, and also took time away from school to tour with her dad-- exploring the country and having so much time to just sit with her thoughts (especially now that they were a little easier to manage with medication) is what made her start doing art really seriously-- if she couldn't express her hurt with her body anymore, she was going to do it on a page, and she created some of her most beautiful paintings during that time that she is still very proud of to this day. she still has slip ups to this day when she is struggling with her episodes, but with hodgins and brennan she is much more capable of talking through it before it gets to a dangerous point of relapse.

as for cam's ed, i feel this is the one i've talked about the most before bc she is my comfort character in this aspect? i headcanon her to have anorexia, specifically restrictive subtype. for her it's a control and perfectionism thing, as well as a "growing up masking autism" thing. cam has a very perfectionist and obsessive personality type, and it's mostly directed toward herself. everything she does needs to be perfect to be enough, and she needs to feel in control at all times. food is one of the easiest ways to do this-- if she can control her body and the food she consumes, obsess over numbers and physical changes and symptoms, it makes her feel a little more at ease in her life because she feels she has *something* under her control. as for the masking thing, she often masked with hyperfemininity growing up-- she was praised frequently for being a "good girl", and part of keeping up that image was looking the "right" way (aka, thin). if she could keep up this image, people wouldn't notice the things that made her odd or how unnatural everything felt to her. it's another control thing, but with another layer to it.

cam took a *long* time to start real recovery. she had phases where it got less severe, even some to the point where she barely thought about it, but restriction and denial was always still a part of her mentality and routine. it wasn't until arastoo came along that she felt comfortable enough to explain her pain and her thoughts to another person-- she was always too scared to unload on anyone else, so she kept it a secret essentially her entire life. arastoo was the first person she trusted to listen without judgement, and he encouraged her to talk to her other friends and loved ones about it (all of whom were incredibly understanding and supportive). in a similar sense to brennan, recovery is really difficult for her, having struggled for so incredibly long and having her disorder be a part of her daily routine for the majority of her life. however, she tries incredibly hard-- arastoo is teaching her how to cook (she never learned) and she's learning to find the joy in food through that, and allowing herself to relax around it a little more <333

that is all !!!! wow this is so very long lol . i hope you enjoyed this it was cathartic for me

𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐈𝐍𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

• BEFORE YOU INTERACT. know that you are entering a domain of jjk-ccentric aesthetics, (satoru coded) heavy scaramouche and satosugu simping, and will be interacting with a blog user who, unfortunately, strives for perfection when it comes to her edits, and especially her stories.

• INTERACTIONS. tough subject considering my constant burnout that makes me all distant n' stuff, BUT I PROMISE YOU, i'm not the type of mutual who ignores on purpose. for context, actually, i wasn't like this back then, but considering my mental health these days, i've been less active, less interactive, and etc SOLELY because of this unwanted stress, and if you still plan on sticking around, thank you genuinely.

╰► AND I DON'T MIND INTERACTING WITH ALL AGES. only except; if you are a minor who runs a nsfw blog, producing explicit content, with utmost strictness and big sisterly love, please, get that case away from me.

• DO NOT INTERACT IF. you become weak to mentions of; blood, heavy descriptions of fighting, injuries, murder, war, death, mental health, sensitive and heavy topics, relationship triggers, traumatic events, suicide, age gaps, cheating, vulgarity, and many more — all these fall under the warning category of dead dove.

╰► I DON'T WANT YOU INTERACTING WITH ME knowing these things will make you uncomfortable, i'm thinking of your physical and mental health over here, and over mine.

• MUTUALS. *sighs dreamily* fuck i love you. i love you. thank YOU for following me back, thank YOU for interacting with my burned out ass at all. god, thank you and i love YOU and thank YOU for being patient with me, im so fucking honored to be mutuals with you, even in my silence or inactivity, thank you, i love you so much, you're so special.

CHIYOSO𝐇𝐔𝐁 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐔𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

✐ FANDOMS I'M IN.

jujutsu kaisen, genshin impact, undead unluck, honkai star rail, honkai impact 3rd, frieren, demon slayer, tokyo revengers, attack on titan, welcome to the ballroom, haikyuu, blue locke, mystic messenger, obey me, tears of themis, love & deepspace, the ssum, epic seven, wuthering waves, zenless zen zero, and more weeb things. / ··· tba.

✐ CHARACTERS I'M WRITING FOR.

gojo satoru, geto suguru, scaramouche, wanderer, alhaitham, cyno, lyney, neuvillette, pantalone, dottore, undead (andy), fushiguro toji, fushiguro megumi, kento nanami, ryoumen sukuna, muzan kibutsuji, shinzugawa sanemi, rengoku kyojuro, rengoku shinjuro, ken ryuguji (draken), hanma shuji, blade, jing yuan, welt yang, dan heng, nanook, lan, argenti, gepard landau, luka, dr. veritas ratio.

✐ GENRES/TAGS I'LL WRITE.

nsfw, sensitive and heavy topics, female reader, breeding, degrading, cum kinks, praise, fluff, angst, mental illnesses i have (e.g. depression), comfort, no comfort, headcannons, thirsts, drabbles, submissive, dominant, hate sex, somnophillia, non-con, overstimulation, public fucking, masturbation, age gap (21+ reader obv), violence (for plot), aphrodisiacs, possessiveness, obsessive tendencies, fighting, realistic, modern au, smau, death, trauma, crossovers, dumbification, husband/wife, older characters, minority (only purely platonic), dark content, pregnancy, cheating, mental health, personal letters, song recommended fics, and more things that fall into the warning category of dead dove.

✐ YOU RECOMMEND THIS YOU'RE DELETED.

incest, stepcest, true yandere, cuckhold, scat, piss, irl politics, polygamy relationships, male!reader, trans!reader, eating disorders, disorders i'm not allowed to discuss.

╰► TO AVOID CONFLICT in regard to not writing for the opposite sex and the transgender pov, i simply cannot. i'm inexperienced in that field, and even i struggle a lot when writing the female pov as well.

understand that i am not able to because i am female myself, and even if i do take the route to research, it wouldn't feel comfortable for me, and i'm bound to get things wrong on some aspects. that's all. ⸻ (quick link to go to my inbox)

𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 AND 𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐒

• AGED UP CHARACTERS?

uh, well. i am kinda tempted to write for aged up for some characters, but ONLY to those who are closest to my age like fushiguro megumi, 1-2 year gap of me and etc. as for characters like yanqing, or anyone else around his age, i'm not one to age up ones that are canonically young until said to be older, with that established, i'll be only writing platonic for characters like him.

• DO YOU WRITE—?

yeah. probably. go back to chiyosohub productions section and skim through the popular genres area, thats the shit i feel comfortable to write. ask for confirmation before requesting.

• ARE THESE REALLY YOUR EDITS?

mmhm, all of the media, dividers, banners and layouts are all from me and edited by me, please don't copy what took ages for me to finally settle on, thank you. besides, every edit has a well hidden watermark and cleverly placed too by yours truly.

• REQUESTS/COMMISSIONS?

i'm not in the right mental state to fulfill requests quickly in contrast to other writers, however, do feel free to pitch in ideas and, i'm actually considering comms for my editing work, but lmk if you wanna support me that way.

• WHY'RE YOU SO SLOW AT POSTING/ANSWERS?

right, i'm someone who frequently struggles with mental health, i consistently deal with burnout, exhaustion and perfectionism, plus i'm trying to break the cycle of my people pleasing too. my most recent relationship broke me to the point where nothing mattered but him, so, i'm quite literally learning to love things again—writing for example.

i'm not gonna be perfect at it, but i'll always try to strive for the best. i'm also stressing out about the fact that as someone who took a few years to take a break from school life, then suddenly i'm plunging in into a world where you train as an adult? shit is actually not helping my geto-like spiral lmao.

tl;dr writer deludes herself with hot fictional men, anime and games, all while college fucks up my sleep schedule even more. that, and her motivation's in constantly in vacation.

hope that answers your curiousities, good fuckin' luck interacting with my ass LMAO — chiyoso.

the cut that always bleeds — p.js [teaser!]

PAIRING: besf!jay x fem!reader

sypnosis: maybe it wasnt always like the books. life was definitely not a movie. even if it were, youre sure yours would be the saddest. now add park jongseong to the equation.

GENRE: heavy angst, little fluff. friends to strangers to best friends , bittersweet ending [kind of]

WARNINGS: a lot of heavily angst scenes, a lot of talk about mental health, depression and anxiety [su!c!de is also mentioned at places], mentions toxic family household, and some really just sad stuff man ; some abuse, quite a lot of bullying [nothing physical just a lot of mental bullying and manipulation]. this is in general just a very sad story. jay and reader dont end up together but reader is quite content. will add more in the actual fic i promise.

teaser doesnt rlly depict much of the story lol but idw make it super sad in the teaser so i will give u guys what i have.

RELEASE DATE: april 18th

EST WC: i think 10k [im hoping lol]

AUTHORS NOTE: hello everyone!!! so… this might just be like the saddest most gruesome fic ive written. except its mainly based on my life. surprise? im actl rlly scared no one will want to read it haha. im fr hoping im able to include some happy scenes in it so you guys dont end up crying. story of my life in short words basically. it took me a lot of courage to write about this because i go pretty deep into the problems ive had in my life. so this is kind of my way of telling you guys this is my life. please seek help if any of the given stances apply to you. like genuinely. if any of you are facing any mental health issues or any sort of problems in your life, please dont hesitate to talk to someone about it. my inbox and dms are also always open if youd like to chat with me ❤️

TAGLIST: please send in an ask to be added to the taglist! permanent taglist need not ask

TEASER:

Love is a ship which at a distance has every man's wish on board.

Or womens. Didn't matter, really.

But that's all it was now. Love was beautiful, you had learnt, from a distance. Quite ugly from up close, once you found out that love isn't for everyone, not even those who had faced some of the worst struggles.

Okay so maybe you were pushing it a bit with the whole ‘Love’ thing, but you needed some way to express yourself.

Your entire life, you were told that you were a golden child, a prodigy. As a kid, you loved the praise.

Singing was not a talent many possessed, at least not singing worthy of a broadway star. You took pride in your talent. Most kids being jealous of you was really cool, you could always show off your voice to them. At the age, it didn't matter to you, or any of the kids in fact.

Your mother too, took much pride in your talent. Although your sister, who was 8 years older to you, was also a singer, she loved that the younger child was also a singer, if not a better one than the first child.

Growing up in the same small state for your entire life, and going to the same school throughout the years had its ups and downs. There were always a bunch of people who were constant in your life. Even if they didn't play a big part in it.

Including him.

The first time you met Park Jongseong was in preschool. He was the epitome of trouble, for a 3 year old at least.

You had always been very outgoing, from your tender age. That bubbly, genuine personality which present you so selfishly wish for. You were always good at making friends. You wish you weren't.

He was a troublemaker. You being a child, attracted by his stubbornness for not following rules, decided to become his friend.

And thats how your friendship with Park Jay began, only blooming as the years went by.

He was a troublemaker. You being a child, attracted by his stubbornness for not following rules, decided to become his friend.

And thats how your friendship with Park Jay began, only blooming as the years went by.

adressing somethings that have been said about me.

hi, im possum. im not the best person.

every tag added was included in the original post.

tw for harassment, sexual assault, ableism, etc

however there are many many false things that are being said about me. ive never sexually assaulted anyone, im not ableist, and i do not fucking harass people. i leave them alone, something that other involved seem to not know how to do. unlike them, i am choosing not to list any names.

My ex and i both made a lot of mistakes. we are children. i do not make fun of his physical or mental disability, and i continue to worry about him because we were friends for a long time even before we started dating.

my ex friends and i had a mutal agreement that if we were ever uncomfortable, the behavior that had caused it would stop immediately. i was never told that they were uncomfortable, and i cannot tell when people are uncomfortable due to my inability to pick up on both tone and body language. this was not helped by Friend 1 having problems with communicating WITH said body language and tone, so if he was uncomfortable, it should have been vocalized.

onto my own harassment, constantly messaging me when you are asked not to, messaging my friends, even messaging my PARENTS is harassment. just because i do not respond (i am uncomfortable around them so i DOD NOT RESPOND. THAT DOES NOT MEAN I DID NOT LISTEN TO THEIR CONCERNS.)

i did not force my ex into sexual situations, this is something that i am heavily and notably against. any time that we struggled with concent and communication it was due to inexperience and lack of proper teaching.

saying that i find my brothers hot is the most disgusting thing that ive ever read. seeing that made me feel genuinely ill. that is not something that you should ever spread about someone.

the kid, claiming those gross things about me, is exaggerating and lying about what happened, something that has gone on throughout this entire situation.

i never manipulated my ex (at the very least i never tried to), abd all of the screenshots shown have been from at the very a year pr close to that prior. they say that i have not learned a thing, however i have clearly learned more than they have because unlike them i am working to improve upon the very behavior that these people say i do without thinking.

the situation with the polyamory was something that i was entirely in the wrong for however it is a situation heavily made increasingly worse due to different aspects of my mental health along with how i was being actively manipulated by a close family member.

this family member has abused me my entire life, something that my ex called into question when messaging my parents. i was being actively abused throughout almost our entire relationship. this made it increasingly harder for me to be able to regulate my emotions and behaviors, especially directed towards the people that i was close to.

to my ex: you say you got nothing in return and yet i constantly worried for you, i spoke to you every day and let you talk to me about whatever you needed. i bought and made you things, my family and i brought you on trips. ive tried to help with your physical and mental health but it has gotten to be far too much. i hope you grow as a person, and leave me alone.

please, never contact or mention me again.

How did you guys bring up your plurality to your therapist? I've been meaning to bring it up mine as I have just started accepting myself as a system. I feel as if being able to express ourselves would be great and would relieve stress.

Is there any ways to mention it without stating "I think I'm multiple"? Do they give you a diagnosis? If they do diagnose you, where do you go with the diagnosis?

I apologize if this is too much to ask, I just can't seem to get straight forward answers anywhere.

P.S. Love ur art, it's genuinely so beautiful.

hi!! im really happy you’ve come to accept yourself! i have very limited experience being “open” about being a system and it’s mostly restricted to online/interpersonal relationships and my therapist. we’ve only just recently been genuinely open because Jack struggled to not be during his session. im not diagnosed with anything as it’s only been a couple of sessions

personally, i started trying to explain the dissociative symptoms first, like how things don’t feel real and sometimes it feels like someone else is piloting. i tried to describe the physical sensations and how things felt wrong/there’s amnesia(emotional or otherwise)/my names, gender and pronouns would change, i would suddenly feel very uncomfortable with my appearance, etc.

i think starting with these things, especially connecting it to the other trauma/mental health things I already go through helped her follow the dots more directly. and since I was being vague, as if I didn’t really know the exacts, she filled those gaps in for me. she was like, “well.. we do see a lot in traumatized children that they compartmentalize or dissociate to make “someone else” deal with the trauma” and i was like “woah… for real..”

i hope this makes sense! Genuinely being honest will help, explain how many years you’ve noticed these things and anything that can affirm that it’s not something else.

on the diagnosis process I’m not sure, im sorry :( idk if I want to get a diagnosis and more so recognized, so you’ll have to find other sources

hi again!!

okay first off i LOVED Bella and Luke’s impromptu wedding AHHHH they’re so so adorable😭 also, i know i said sicily part 6 was WONDERFUL (all time fave fr) but i never commented on part 7 and OH MY GOODNESS i had to take breaks from reading bc of how hard i was blushing at vin teasing wen 🤭 she was so real for every single one of her reactions omg

on that note OMG so excited for that food poisoning fic I CANT WAIT TO READ IT <3 and i love that it’s gonna be angsty and touch on her body dysmorphia ahhhh 😭🫶🏽

ALSO i’ve been meaning to ask this because i feel like you haven’t talked about it much? (or maybe i missed it? if so im so sorry lol) but basically, i know you said that wendy’s parents were NOT happy with her coming out, but that they eventually sort of “allowed” her to transition bc her mental health got bad. i clearly love angst (all your angsty fics are TOP TIER🤭), so i really wanna know more about her mental health struggles. is that something you’d dive into in an ask, or would you maybe incorporate it and/or hint at it in fics? i would genuinely LOOOOOVE to learn more about this!!!

ANYWAYS again YOU’RE AWESOME & IM OBSESSED WITH YOUR OCs‼️

- 🦦

Hi 🦦!!

What a wall of love, my heart is bursting out of my chest 😭 And Sicily 6 being your all time fave of all 102 fics of mine, this is HIGH PRAISE!!

Wendy whenever Vin brings up tummyaches is like Error 404, I feel her in my bones. If a hot guy did that to me I think I might just have a stroke and die.

I haven't actually covered any of Wendy's mental health issues in my fics! I had planned on doing one in NY with Vin & Wendy, but I keep putting it off bc I know I'll have to tap on some sensitive topics that require research on my part and I'm lazy.

Here's some things I think on Wendy's case. She's always been a chubby girl, but before her transition this bothered her a lot. It added to the already installed feelings of something being off with her and even when she managed to put things together, but was not allowed to transition physically this made her life hell. It was a toss up between gender dysphoria and body dysmorphia.

She got a pretty bad eating disorder back then (which btw, never made her thin, only fucked up her health) and she s*lf-h4armed, up until her parents found out about this, alongside some pretty concerning journals with su1cide ideation and they "caved".

Simply put her parents are jerks, but they're not evil and in hindsight they do know it was the right thing to do, they're just... Well, jerks who refused to own up the fact they were wrong and certain things are still very wrong.

I think it's important to highlight Wendy and Leo are very different in this aspect, even if both of them have had suic1dal thoughts and struggled with their queer identities. Wendy is not chronically depressed, she hit a rough patch and she has since healed up. She's in a great place right now and, yes, she's got insecurities and fears, but she's not medicated and doesn't need to be.

Leo's depression is chronical and he's medicated and will always be so. Without his meds he will struggle with su1cidal thoughts and erratic behavior regardless of how happy he is with his life at the moment.

Wendy's trigger make her cry, at most they make her sad for a week. Leo's triggers cause severe panic attacks.

  this is a 𝐌𝐔𝐓𝐔𝐀𝐋𝐒 𝐎𝐍𝐋𝐘 roleplay & art blog, for 𝐖𝐔𝐘𝐀, a multiverse / multifandom original character. with verses in 𝐓𝐖𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐖𝐎𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐃, 𝐁𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐎 𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐘 𝐃𝐎𝐆𝐒, 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐍 𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐀𝐂𝐓, and more. wuya's story and character is an exploration into abandonment, a need to belong to a people or a place, and the devotion of someone given what they wish for most. 

𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄 𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐊𝐒: twisted wonderland , bungo stray dogs , stardew , genshin , honkai starrail , PTN , dislyte ( all WIPs i lost my docs... cries )

content may include 𝐀𝐃𝐔𝐋𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐒, 𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐔𝐌𝐀, 𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐀𝐁𝐔𝐒𝐄 & 𝐍𝐄𝐆𝐋𝐄𝐂𝐓, 𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐑𝐎𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐒, 𝐕𝐈𝐎𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄, 𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐃, and more. if i miss a tag, please! don't ever be afraid to ask. ( i personally ask that folks tag spiders for me. )

𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐎𝐑𝐒 & 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐒 will be blocked immediately. i also will not tolerate those who write triggering content and media including p*dophilia, or inc*st. anyone who does will be blocked on sight.

pinned art & banner art by svmk88 on tumblr

my activity is a bit slow. i have a lot going on in my life, and i struggle a lot with my mental health and physical health. so i ask you be patient with me.

𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐋𝐋:

utsubotm ( leech twins. twst. main blog, fairly slow activity )

destisea ( canon & oc multimuse. temporary hiatus )

chenqizi ( wei wuxian. mdzs. semi hiatus... very slow )

misericordiah ( fyodor. bsd. private, selective & very low activity )

if i dont follow you right away, or at all please dont take it personally. i like to keep my dash clear and not too cluttered. i'm also very anxious about my ocs, and and just as anxious about opening up about them.

please, respect my canon and i will happily respect yours. if my original canon isn't for you, i do have verses and am more than happy to work with those instead. if only to explore other avenues and types of interactions.

 I  am  mutuals  only  in  regards  to  threads,  and  require  plotting  to  write  anything  at  length. This  is  for  my  own  comfort.  So  do  not  get  impatient  with  me  or  push  me.  I  will  block  you  the  moment  you  do.  I  have  a  life  outside  of  rp,  and  I  need  that  to  be  respected.

asks and threads do not always stick. i love writing with people, i love getting asks, and i love threads. but sometimes im genuinely not sure how to reply to it right away. it isn't a lack of interest, i promise. if i'm following you, then i do want to interact and write. again, just be patient, rp is an outlet for me, and a hobby. i don't force myself to write if it just wont come to me.

please, if you write or interact with saccharot ( kae ), do not follow me or block me or whatever. likewise, if you write with kiingsroar ( dia ) or any of their other blogs, i ask you do much the same. i'd be more than happy to explain what happened and why i'm uncomfortable with these users. but please, i don't want them on my dash.

long rant incoming, i’ll be talking abt therapy, ed relapse mainly (i may get side tracked lol) really just talking to myself publicly.

so, my therapist is taking a break and i haven’t seen her since last month. she told me to text her if i need support or if i’m in crisis but we all know i’m not gonna do it bc i don’t wanna bother her. last month i managed to reach 3 months without counting calories and stepping on the scale. honestly i was so proud of myself for this. ofc i gained weight but i was finally healthier, i was not just a shell of a human being. i was actually alive. but since i stopped restricting my anxiety become terrible to the point where i can’t go out by myself without headphones. i started getting more frequent panic attacks (which are honestly both physically and mentally draining). i feel like im trapped in a cycle - i manage my depression and anxiety, then i relapse in my ed, i work on my ed, my anxiety gets worse, i use all kinds of relief techniques, nothing helps, so i relapse again to numb my emotions. the day of my last therapy session i had to go to my hometown bc we had to do some renovations for the apartment we’re giving out for rent. we had to stay in a family friend’s house. i love her but she’s just so insensitive to me and my struggles. like she’d constantly say things like “oh your hygiene is terrible” “oh are you really eating this”. of course she had to make comments about my body and how i’ve gained weight, she also asked what happened with the diets i was doing. while we were there we met with my dad’s aunt and she also made comments about my body and how i’ve gained weight. and the thing is i was having pretty bad time with my body without all these comments from my relatives. i genuinely felt so uncomfortable about the weight gain. the day after we got back home i relapsed. i’m counting calories again, i’m avoiding high cal foods, fear foods start to appear again. i was in denial about my relapse but now i have to admit it - i’m relapsing and i hate myself even more. i genuinely feel like i’m such a failure. i’ve spent over 2 years in therapy and it’s all the same cycle over and over. i’m forever grateful for my current therapist bc she saved me from the darkest times of my life. i was actively suicidal and she was the only one who agreed to work with me despite my resistance to get better. i don’t remember much of this time period but she has told me that she was worrying about me in between sessions and every time i was 5 mins late she thought of the worse situation possible. anyways. now i just feel like i’m wasting my time and her time. what am i even doing? will things ever get better? and the thing is i want to recover at some point. this lifestyle is not sustainable. the health complications are not a joke. i’ve ruined so many relationships bc of my mental illness. i’m missing out on so many things. but i’m just terrified of letting it all go. i can’t deal with the weight gain. i can’t deal with all the emotions. what’s the point of even trying to recover when i’ll always end up in the exact same shitty situation?

Please info dump about Rex :3 I would like to hear more

you’re in fucking luck im hyperfixated!!!! i’m working on a more concise document, but for now here are my ramblings.

rex’s whole lore and story is shifting as i actually play the game- i haven’t beaten it yet but yknow. i get the gist. thank you for asking me to infodump i went fucking insane down there

// abuse, self harm, suicide/suicide ideation , game typical violence

Basics

rex is an incredibly apathetic deputy. he has very little confidence in his own abilities to help the county, but continues to do so nonetheless. his motives are unknown to most, but a lot of it stems from not wanting to let whitehorse and burke (along with other npcs) down. he has no genuine hope that he can stop the cult, but for the people he’s grown to care about, he’s ready to die trying.

he’s aimless and despondent, but he isn’t stupid. he likes to plan and to strategize. they’re a big stealth/melee guy.

his closest friends consist of whitehorse, mary, sharky, and jess. i would put burke on the list but uhmmm. ermmmmm. well i shant say.

anywho. he doesn’t care enough to really dislike any of the NPCS, but peaches is sure fucking close. they’re cautious around her to say the least (he is scared of cats :( )

vis a vis the Seed family, he’d honestly be very susceptible to the cult’s propaganda if he hadn’t already had loyalties to the resistance. the henbane was rough for him, and his ‘leap of faith’ was mostly him hoping to kill himself. killing faith was one of the harder things they had to do in their journey, but her death is also a major turning point in his lore and mental health. (for the better, thank fuck) 

he thinks john was a funny motherfucker, couldn’t take his ass seriously despite being tortured by him. jacob’s an asshole though, fuck that guy. his opinions on joseph are neutral at best.

Backstory shit

backstory wise, rex had a fairly rough childhood. he was born and raised in new mexico, with his physically abusive father and mother. he’d always been closer with his mother (duh), and her suicide hit him reasonably like a fucking semi truck. he’s struggled with mental illness his whole life, but is most affected by his depression and BPD. he coped with self harm, harm of others, etc. he’s had multiple suicide attempts.

they’ve always been somewhat of a loose canon, and consistently floated in and out of juvenile detention centers. they flunked out of public school and had to finish their high school education online- a mix of his unstable emotions and the constant bullying he dealt with weren’t making a good learning environment.

once he was an adult, juvenile detention centers turned into county jail. they were known to be trouble, easy to trigger and start a scrap with. whitehorse was quite familiar with him, and despite their flaws, he saw some potential in them. he inspired them to try and enter the career, and though rex first responded with pushback, they figured they weren’t doing anything else with their lives.

Trivia

they’re a cat person, despite being terrified of peaches.

they have gods worst RBF. he always looks so pissed despite being neutral about most things

john cut off one of his tattoos and he cried for like a day afterwards he was PISSED

he has super autism. he made sharky even more autistic

whitehorse and burke are basically father figures to him. nick comes close, but he’s shit at flying planes so he doesn’t visit much.

i like to ship my characters and i think him and sharky together r funny as hell. i am also partial to rex/mary because she’s underrated :(

?

Im struggling with repressed memories very badly and doubting them a lot, i know that there was always something wrong with me even at a very young age more or less at the time of the event (i wont elaborate on those though it’s a lot of stuff) now i have those memories which i cannot help but think of literally every day ever since i remembered them, and it’s killing me to think that I might’ve somehow made them up when they effect me this much. The thing that makes me doubt them the most is the fact that i cannot cry about them, i just can’t and i dont know why but it makes it all feel fake to not be able to feel much of anything regard those memories, that and the fact that when i think about them it feels like they happened to a different person so i dont even know anymore and also some pictures of that time where i seemed pretty normal and happy. Now what makes me believe that something happened is the sensations and feelings i get sometimes, when i think of those memories/remember them i feel so much pressure on my body and discomfort that i just want to crawl out, also not being able to breathe enough and looking at things but not really seeing them if that makes sense. Why do i feel this pressure on specific parts of my body? No idea. I just get all numb and start screaming into my pillow and rock back and forth until i find something to distract myself with. i just wish i had proof that they’re real, one of my parents who has been emotionally and physically abusing me for years keeps telling me how fucked up i am, so im ending up wondering if i somehow made those memories up because of how fucked up i am. Im so tired

Hello,

You're not broken or fucked up I can promise you that, everyone can heal.

Feeling like traumatic memories happened to someone else is extremely common. It's a product of dissociation. It doesn't mean that it's fake or made up. There is no reason to believe that memories are made up.

Now the feelings in your body sound like it could be body memories. which are related to trauma. Symptom Explainers: Body Memories

I can't tell you what did or did not happen. But there is no reason to try and pick apart your memories and try and find a reason to doubt. Having had other mental health issues and abusive traumatic experiences doesn't make CSA any less traumatic or more likely for you to have fabricated memories. I genuinely believe you can proceed with recovery by processing these memories.

Be Blessed,

-Admin 2

showering sucks so much and it flares up all my physical disabilities so bad every time and it takes up any and all energy i started the day with BUT. now that my hair has grown out to the beginning stages of "long". it feels very nice when its washed and conditioned and fluffy and wavy from quickly blow drying it and i must admit. that despite how weird it feels to have such strong identity-based dysphoria every time i look at myself because i used to have so much control over how my hair looked and now i do not have any of that control. it is. very pretty.

its a very strange feeling because literally every time i see myself (with like. no wig on or a hat or accessories or something that helps ground me to my sense of self) just As I Am with my natural grown out non-dyed non-cut/styled hair i genuinely cannot recognize that the person im looking at is Me because the last period of time in my life where i had my natural hair for a long time was right before the first time i got it dyed when i was like 11 1/2 or 12. which was about 13 or 14 years ago. and it wasn't this same color either, i didnt struggle wth agoraphobia as bad as i do now so even with my original natural hair color already being a few shades lighter and more clearly blonde, growing up my whole life on a peninsula where im surrounded by beach and ocean so theres a lot of sun and light used to literally bleach some sections of my hair over long periods of time when i was a kid, so like. i've never in my life seen my real un-altered hair this long in this light brown color that it is now. its just so weird. the only time i ever had dark hair was right after i was born as a baby and by the time i was like a year old it had already settled into the lighter sandy blonde shade i had my whole pre-teen life.

anyways! sorry for the random topic ramble. its been a weird mental health day for me so i just figured it might be more helpful to type my thoughts out into the void somewhere that i feel safe talking about it than just internalize it all like i usually unintentionally do.

like logically i know that these pics i just took of myself Are Me, this is what i look like with no makeup or wig or whatever but even looking at these my brain just gets very confused and disoriented because this is an entirely different appearance than whatever image of myself pops into my head when i think about what i look like and what other people see when they look at me. its so bizarre. it really feels like this era of my appearance is a costume i can't take off and the literal costumes and wigs and obnoxiously bright old clothes that i dress myself up in is the actual person. idk. some of the very faint gray hair strands that im starting to get within the past year or so i do kinda enjoy though tbh thats kinda fun, sort of like having very faded out dyed highlights in a way i guess

god im tired (longer winded ramble under the cut about disability?)

the thing they dont tell you. about being the son of two disabled parents, two people who hate themselves more than they could hate you, a woman who swears up and down that her becoming disabled enough to need a wheelchair full time is the worst thing thats ever happened to her, thats Ruined her life.

the thing they dont tell you is their constant insistance that you can do better and are just lazy warps your fucking perspective to yourself until its unrecognizeable. they push themselves until theyre now falling apart at the seams with worse and worse damages that couldve maybe been avoided somewhat and refuse to allow you to be 'weak' and 'need help'.

they dont tell you that when youre navigating constant persistant wrist pain at 22, when your cognitive functions have always been bad but not bad enough, that youre never gonna feel like you deserve help or accommodations. that you cant do math or numbers and thats a larger symptom of something, of when words blur together and you read chunks of writing as nonsensical regularly, when you hear one thing but someone said something completely different and you have to just bashfully laugh it off.

when your language function breaks down and youre speaking in fragmented sentences. no proper grammar. the words are hard and dont make sense and youre just desperately screaming in your own wy trying to be heard. you get told that one might be a symptom of your psychosis but fuck nobody ever told you that wasnt normal to begin with other than making fun of you when your guards down.

when you can barely tell time between two days from each other and your disassociative disorder makes you all lose so many gaps in time, and youre not mad at each other for that, but you just kind of wonder because between that and how much time doesnt exist to you all and how much you forget from adhd to the point that entire days are forgotten after youve lived them, when youre so exhausted and your head feels like fog 80% of the time, when your mood tracker never puts you above a 5 on the mental health scale on your best days.

when you know damn fucking well youre not abled enough, but nobody tells you that youll constantly be told youre not disabled enough, either. not abled or disabled. some fucking other thing, something thats useless, something thats just fucking pointless.

its like, i know im mentally ill. severe clinical depression. adhd. probably cptsd that im still coming to terms with. likely ocd. possibly autistic as well its hard to tell. psychosis. but im also in pain pretty regularly, but its 'only' wrist pain, so does it matter? i cant think straight most days of the week and its a genuine struggle full of spoons to keep my speech coherent and just tonight alone i keep hallucinating my bathroom lights on and getting up and discovering when i come to turn them off theyre already off.

ive been sick for a week and a half and i could barely manage to get out of bed and shower twice. or get a sports drink so i didnt just... faint. i need constant access to electrolyte water/sports drinks or my near-constant dizziness and lightheadedness and sometimes physical pain gets way worse, rather than 'manageable and liveable'. i feel like im going fucking insane.

all signs point to me having asthma. my parents literally think im insane at the idea. i have so much breathing trouble and this last week i couldnt breathe for multiple 10 minute chunks because i went to work sick because i need the money.

christ almighty. not abled. not disabled enough. cant quantify my cognitive problems because itll never be 'enough'. god.

im so fucking tired, dude. i just want to sleep for a really, really long time