#but idk! idk. didn’t quite do it for me. felt a lil too on the nose and sympathetic and cliche especially the ending w the self destructive | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

raitonsfw · 4 months

Note

Hello ,

I would like to request dazai Osamu with a reader who is a virgin a d having sex for the very first time and he goes into corruption mode and is soo feral with her teasing and all but still takes good care of her after it .

you can ignore this if you want

thank you

𝚌𝚊𝚗'𝚝 𝚝𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚒𝚝 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚘𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚒𝚝'𝚜 𝚋𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚜𝚎𝚝 𝚒𝚗 𝚖𝚘𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 | 𝚍𝚊𝚣𝚊𝚒 𝚘𝚜𝚊𝚖𝚞

synopsis: You wanted him in his entirety and you made sure you were well prepared for your first time with Dazai, but what you weren’t prepared for was how much he wanted you in your entirety. Once he sunk in, his mind went blank and it was over. All you could do was take it, every inch, every thrust, every dirty mantra, everything. And you loved every second of it.

warnings: 18+ mdni, fem!reader, smut, virgin!reader, dick drunk!reader, pussy whipped!dazai, corruption kink, first time, consent, cursing, fingering, grinding, p in v intercourse, breast play, teasing, praising, dirty talk (lots of it), aftercare (he runs a lil bath for her), a smidge of pain, slight overstimulation, feral dazai fucking reader mercilessly into the mattress, reader does wear a skirt and works at the ada, bit of a bandage obsession (he’s so goddamn pretty with them), pet names (darling, princess, sweetheart, baby), possibly my best work? idk i fucks with it.

a/n: ty to my wonderful anon for requesting this, it was so entertaining to write cuz not me having to take several breaks to recollect my thoughts every time i wrote a piece of dazai's dialogue (he turns me into putty, i swear🧡), also, if anyone understands the manga reference in the very beginning, ily lots. wc: 2.9k. m.list

now playing: oxytocin by billie eilish

divider credit: @benkeibear

It was the day, you thought meekly as you mentioned something about leaving early to the bandaged boy that sat at Kunikida’s desk reading a new manga issue.

“Huh? You want to go home now?” He asked, pulling one of his earbuds out and looking at you with a confused face. Dazai’s fingers played with a page hosting the demise of a beloved character and you instantly thought, maybe it wasn’t the time to bother him about cutting his day short. Not when his manga issue had been so grim, the remainder looking quite halved.

“Dazai…” You locked eyes with him and he slid the book into his bag wearily, reaching for his coat that he hung on the back of the chair. He pulled it on quickly, the edges flowing against him like waves and you admired how it fit him, the natural curves of his body did wonders within your mind.

“Fiiine, but I want to finish this issue by tonight.” He complained, taking your hand as you two walked out of the office.

Dazai and you had been dating for a few months, coming up close to a year and you made sure you had enough time to prepare. Prepare for your first time with Dazai, of course. You weren’t stupid, you’ve been thinking about it for months now– about the way his fingers lightly ghosted over your thigh as you two made out, the way a tiny groan would slip from his mouth when you gently bit his lip, the way that his cock would perk up when you managed to run your palm down his chest.

But that’s as far as you went.

It’s not that you didn’t want to, you just weren’t ready for that type of intimacy. Dazai never rushed you, the comfort of his cuddles were very pleasing when he noticed your lack of forwardness after you felt you went too far. But the aching between your thighs lately had been getting to you as your eyes washed over Dazai’s lean build, taking in how his black vest hugged his waist with little effort and the tactical bandages adorning his body– you wanted them off. Off and hanging from his flushed body, fucking you mercilessly into the pillows that surrounded you.

Dazai twirled the key around his finger, opening the door to his apartment and ushering you inside with his hand against the small of your back. You entered before him, taking in the warmth of the tiny apartment that seeped into your bones. You wanted to jump straight to the evening, but you honestly didn’t know if you could even wait that long as you glanced at Dazai. He was taking his coat off and he had his manga in hand already, ready to finish it at the drop of a hat.

“Dazai, I had something to ask you.” You started as he made himself comfy on the edge of the sofa, his legs crossing promptly and you second guessed yourself again when he propped the book open to resume the gory mess of the chapter.

“Yes, darling?” He glanced up at you, trying to read your expression and he made another confused face when you didn’t answer. “Y/N?”

You didn’t know how to tell him, the question on the tip of your tongue but not quite leaving. All you wanted was him on top of you but how were you to initiate it when you’ve never done this before? All of the other times, Dazai had kissed you first with a gentle hum and guided you into the confidence of taking the lead if you ever wanted to. It was genuinely sweet that he’s so willing, so patient with you, and your head spun a bit as you looked at him with a blank face.

Dazai put the book down on the armrest of the sofa and you knew you took too long to respond. He reached over, his legs uncrossing in their position and pulled you into his lap with a gentle tone evading his lips. “Are you okay? You’ve been off all day.”

As you straddled him on the sofa, your impatience got worse when you felt the swell of your cunt press directly against his cock. You just wanted to sink onto him right then and there, the size of him basically teasing you and your entire face flushed red. You avoided his gaze as he tried to gauge what was wrong, his hands coming up to hold you around the waist steadily.

He pressed a tiny kiss against your cheek, muttering into it. “Seriously, what made you wanna leave work early? I mean, not that I minded. We basically had nothing to do with Kunikida and Yosano out on a mission.”

As Dazai continued talking, he shuffled his leg mindlessly and you dropped down further into his lap with a squeak. You slick rubbed up against the seam of your panties, nearly flooding through the thin material that sat so perfectly flush against his clothed dick and you were sure he noticed it by now. You were sure he noticed the heat of your cunt, warmer than usual, wetting the front of his trousers as he soothed kisses down your neck. The unmistakable bulge that pressed up into you made you dizzy, he knew why you were acting so off now.

“Is this why?” Dazai tutted, his eyes coming up to stare into yours as his fingers trailed down towards your inner thigh underneath your skirt. “You’ve been hot and bothered all day, huh princess?”

“Yeah, been thinking about us…” You trailed off as you met his eyes finally, the muddled brown looking darker than usual.

“About us? Did you want– Are you ready?” He stammered a bit, his face going red along with yours at the thought then a playful smirk played on his lips “Oh wow, can’t wait to tell Fukuzawa why we left early.”

“Dazai, don’t you dar–” You were cut off by a moan as his fingers pressed into the soaked material of your panties. You clutched at his bandaged wrist, grinding down onto them as he looked back at you with wide eyes dumbfounded that you didn’t shy away from the action. Sure, he’s grinded against you before with his dick but this was different, you were practically begging for his fingers in you.

“Y/N…” Dazai suddenly breathed out, his fingers slipping into the lace deftly and you felt him brush up against your clit. He studied your face, readying for any drawbacks as he went further with you. This was new to him after all, normally you’d tell him if he went too far. He wasn’t thinking straight when he pressed them against your cunt the first time moments ago and definitely not now as he slid them into you with ease.

You jolted, the foreignness of it startling you slightly and he stopped moving them in. “Are you okay with this?”

You nodded as you gasped breaths into his hovering lips, pulling him into a chaste kiss. His fingers curled in you slightly as he slid his tongue into your mouth, lapping at you breathlessly. You whined into the kiss, his fingers dipping in and out of you shallowly and the discomfort dissipated after a few seconds. You glanced down at where he had pinned with pleasure and you vaguely registered how he so painfully strained against his trousers, his wrist resting lightly against it as he thrusted into you.

“D-Dazai…”

“What is it, princess?” He cooed, kissing the side of your lips as you tilted your head away from him. One of his fingers started to rub circles into your clit and you couldn’t remember what you had to say, the words disintegrating for your tongue. “You okay? Fuck, you’re so tight around my fingers… Can’t wait to get you around my cock.”

That’s what it was, his cock. That’s what you wanted.

But before you could yearn for it, his fingers slipped out quickly and you were being picked up by slender arms. The manga book dropped the armrest of the sofa and Dazai sighed as he noticed he had lost his page, but he didn’t move to pick it up as he brought you down the hall towards his bedroom. He laid you down on his bed carefully, tugging at your shirt with questioning eyes which you answered a quiet ‘yes’ to.

Dazai raked it up, marveling at the way your breasts bounced in the lace bra that matched your panties and he kissed them tenderly while he unclasped the back, letting them spill out. “So pretty for me, Y/N.”

He wanted to take this slow, he didn’t want your first time to be rushed after all. After all, Dazai had been waiting for you to express you were ready and if you trusted him this much, he was going to make sure everything went right. He sucked a light hickey into the top of your breast while pulling off your skirt, his tongue basically melting the bruise into your skin as you huffed out a tiny whine.

His dick felt so heavy against the seam of his trousers as he slipped your panties off, gazing in awe at how beautiful you looked exposed underneath him. Dazai slipped his vest off and his shirt all in one go and you crossed your legs together self consciously as he undressed. But before you could fully close them, a steady hand came to rest around your knee as he slipped out of his trousers clumsily. It was endearing to watch him almost trip against you as he shakily took them off. “Don’t be shy, darling, you’re perfect. Everything I imagined, okay?”

‘Okay…” You breathed out, letting him slot himself between your legs and he immediately captured you in a kiss, his fingers lingering everywhere they could reach. You keened into his touch as he gripped your thighs, pulling you right against his confined dick and you wanted them off already. “D-Dazai?”

“Yes?” He murmured, rubbing his length against you and watching your arousal slick a dark patch in his light blue boxers. A quiet groan slipped out of him, his mouth slightly open and his eyes half lidded and honestly, you’ve never seen such a fucking sight in your life. His bandages wrapped around his forearms but his upper arms were exposed, his neck bandage connecting down some of his chest but not all. It was taut against his skin and you just wanted to pull at it til it broke, til it ripped and laid tangled against you too.

“Be gentle?” You pouted, shrugging your shoulders up with a nervous expression. He gave you a quiet scoff, his hands coming to rest on both sides of your body and you felt him shuffle out of his boxers.

“Who do you think I am?” Dazai chuckled, prodding the tip against your clit and rubbing it slowly. You gasped out at the sensation, squeezing your eyes shut. “Of course, sweetheart.”

He moved it down towards your entrance and everything suddenly felt so real. Dazai sank in slightly and he cooed at you when you let out a quiet noise of discomfort, kissing you promptly as he pushed the rest of the way in. You felt the wave of pain thicken as he bottomed out, but you breathed through your nose, your mind guiding you to remember that you two were finally connected. He had buried his face into your neck, nipping at the flesh lightly as a drawn out moan came from him.

Dazai honestly felt like he short circuited, you wrapped around him so well, so fucking tight. Yeah, be gentle? That was the last thing on his mind now as he felt your walls clench around him tightly, waiting for him to move. He didn’t know where these thoughts had come from, but all his brain was mustering up was ‘fuck you stupid into the mattress,’ or ‘make you cry his name between sobs,’ the absolute filthest things. He wanted to corrupt you, your virginity flowing like invisible threads between his fingertips as you whimpered out his name, urging him to move.

“Fuck, Y/N…” Dazai groaned, his hips snapping into you harshly and you let out a shocked cry as he barely gave you time to adjust. “Fuck, fuck, ‘M sorry, needed to have you right now.”

He gripped your thighs, leaving crescent shaped imprints as he pulled you onto his dick more. He thrusted into you with a sharp pace, quickly leaning up to gain more control over your body as he set a rhythm. His eyes nearly rolled back as he watched you struggle to hold onto his biceps, tiny whimpers coming from your lips and there were tears collecting in the corner of your eyes, threatening to spill. He watched, his pace never slowing, as your breasts bounced with every vigorous draw of his cock and your hands flew towards the sheets instead as he plowed into you with harsh breaths.

‘God, so tight, so good for me. Seems like your pussy was made to fit around me perfectly, was made specifically for my fucking cock, princess.” Dazai teased, gaping at the way his cock slid so wonderfully into you, the base of it wet with a creamy ring already and you felt him twitch with ecstasy inside you.

You had no idea what had gotten into him, those words you whispered to him before abandoned and was this really your partner? Had you been holding back from him for too long? Maybe you should’ve given yourself to him sooner.

It didn’t matter anymore, your brain had been frazzled beyond belief as pleasure sparked up your spine viciously, shocks and tingles overtaking every part of your body. You had your back arched upwards, bracing yourself with every ruthless thrust into your cunt and you had to make sure you didn’t knock your head into the bedframe.

“Arch some more for me, beautiful.” A gentle palm came to rest underneath you, lifting you up some more and you shuddered at the feeling of his dainty fingers spreading against your back.

“Look like such an angel for me. Guess I’m the devil huh?” Dazai taunted with a wry smile, whining each word out with eyes squeezing shut for a moment as pleasure coursed through his cock as you clenched around him again purposefully. “Wrecking you like this, I really shouldn’t have but, God, you looked so innocent underneath me…”

Fuck, you should’ve done this a long time ago. He hit your sweet spot with relentless aim, ramming into it and you let out another loud cry, your mouth dropped open and you felt you were on fire as he laughed dryly at your jolt from his movements.

“Gonna cum on my cock, baby? Look at me, princess.” You opened your eyes lazily, his experience making you numb to the touch and his hips became sloppy with each thrust now. He rolled them into you, his other hand gripping at your waist as he tilted his head back slightly. He whimpered out with a quiet slur, “So close...thank you, thank you…”

His name became familiar in your mouth, nothing but it escaped in a frenzy of moans and you felt your orgasm surging, the feeling reaching higher and higher and-

You came undone underneath him the same time as he did, cumming all over his cock who painted your insides white with his. He pumped himself through it, collapsing against you afterwards. You whined out at the aftershocks, shaking slightly as Dazai pulled out of you. Immediately, you felt his hands against your thighs, caressing them after every jerk and twitch of your abused cunt.

“God, I’m so sorry, Y/N.” He apologized all in one breath, his voice wavering slightly and you placed one hand on his back, smoothing it over once.

“It’s okay.” You said once you caught your breath and by then, he had kissed you silly and massaged every single ache in your body away. The feeling of his touch calmed you into a state of exhaustion and with every gentle kiss, he whispered sweet nothings to bring you back to reality.

“Want me to run a bath for you, sweetheart?” He asked once you could answer his questions, rubbing circles into your hips and lapping at the bruises on your breasts lovingly. “I’m going to carry you, so don’t worry about walking. I was so rough, wasn’t I?”

“Dazai, honey.” You whined, the pet name falling from your lips and he looked at you with his eyebrows raised. You smiled warmly at him. “You’ll fuck me like that everytime?”

“If you want me to.” He grinned into the side of your thigh as he moved downwards to get off the bed, wiggling into his boxers during the process. “I’m running the bath.”

Dazai bounced away and you stared up at the ceiling contentedly, a deep sigh parting from your lips. You never had expected your first time to be that intense, but you were so glad that it was, the feeling of him ghosted through your body and you hummed to yourself happily. You didn’t know why you waited so long, especially if that was how he was going to react. It sent arousal flooding through you again and you knew there’d be more than one round tonight by the looks of it.

You heard Dazai’s voice sing his way through his apartment, like honey dripping by the spoonful. “Darling, would you like a bubble bath instead?”

a/n: wanna get tagged in future writing posts? join my taglist!

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tenderfxck · 1 year

Note

under alhaithams desk during a meeting :> idk i think it would be funny making him stay quite while he cums

ooooohohohoho anon you’ve done it now

al haitham//hidden away/gn!reader//18+

contents: gn!reader, semi-public, voyerism, blowjob, teasing, being a lil shit <3

words: man, fuck if i know

notes: i’m sorry i just loooove bullying al haitham, here’s to all of you i’ve awakened a bullying kink in, more like this on the way

archons, could you ever agree with this man?

it felt like hours had passed since you began arguing over these documents. you stood firm that they needed serious revision. al haitham saw them fine as they were.

so the both of you sat there in his office, him at his desk and you peering right over his shoulder, urging him to reconsider. but, stubborn as always, al haitham refused to let up.

typical.

the bickering didn’t stop until you pointed so vigorously at a certain passage your favorite cor lapis ring fell off your index finger and tumbled to the ground, rolling out of sight beneath the scribe’s desk.

“move.” you command, rising from your place beside him.

“hmm? why?” he looks up at you, same stoic expression as always.

you sigh, a noise closer to irritation than exasperation. “my ring, it fell off. i think it rolled under your desk.”

“and?”

“and i’d like it back.” you snap.

“well,” he pushes his chair out form his desk, allowing room to grab the lost item. “i’m not stopping you.”

you glare at him, eyes like daggers as he regards you as if this is nothing out of the ordinary. unhelpful and unyielding as ever.

you scoff at him before dropping to your knees, bending low to search under the ornate looking desk.

was he doing this to assert dominance? to irk you? just to see the swell of your ass as you bend to search?

for how high regard the akademiya holds him, you wonder if he really is just a no-good pervert.

your theories screech to a halt in your head as you hear the sound of al haitham’s study door opening once more.

“excuse me, mr. al haitham?” a timid voice calls.

you freeze under his desk, not daring to breathe as you look up at al haitham. he actually looks surprised at the sudden intrusion, apparently as blind-sided as you were. all until he takes a moment to clear his throat, pulling his chair back into his desk and effectively trapping you under there.

“yes. apologies, i almost forgot about our meeting.”

meeting?

“that’s alright! we were running a bit late ourselves.” from below, you can see two sets of feet sheepishly make their way into al haitham’s office. “let’s get the presentation under way, then.”

oh. you both argued so long that you bled into the allotted time of some poor students’ scheduled meeting with the akademiya’s scribe.

and now he’s too embarrassed to reveal you hiding below his desk.

well, now that you think about it, this could be the perfect opportunity to exact some sweet, sweet revenge.

. . .

his head is racing. it’s been 5 minutes since this in-promptu presentation started and he feels as if he’s losing his mind.

you’re not even moving. archons, you’re not even moving. but he can feel your pretty head resting oh-so-heavy on one thigh and your hand on the other.

shit. he lost himself in the game of teasing you for fun and completely forgot about the rest of his scheduled meetings for today. and just when he finally had the upper hand on you, these bumbling students make themselves known.

after a few deep breaths and a quiet moment, he’s almost convinced himself that you are just hiding down there as to not embarrass the both of you.

yes, you’ll wait until those two finish the small presentation they’ve prepared and then make your way out, never to speak of this predicament again.

until he feels that hand slide up, up, up his thigh.

oh, archons. you’re, you’re-

reaching for his waistband. . .

. . .

he’s lost track of whatever the two of them were prattling on about long ago. his eyebrows are knit tightly, eyes closed, biting down on his bottom lip as to not let any noise escape.

“grand scribe? are you feeling alright? you’re looking awfully red.”

he looks up, shooting the pair a glare that makes them shrink back.

“it’s no matter.” he continues to grasp the armrest of his chair, knuckles white with tension as you show no signs of letting up.

the younger student pipes up in surprising stroke of courage, “i-if you feel you’re running a fever we can come back another day.”

“i said it’s-nggh!”

he feels his cock sink impossibly deeper into your mouth, head only meeting resistance against the back of your throat.

al haitham can’t help but buck up into your mouth, sucking in a harsh breath at the warm heat his aching cock is met with. he had no idea your mouth could be so wet, so warm, so lewd.

“j-just, get this over with.” al haitham barks, breath hitched, squirming in his grand chair hoping the two haven’t caught on just yet.

you can’t help but hum in satisfaction, knowing how flustered that scribe must be now. your thumb glides along his balls, massaging the sensitive skin as your head continues to bob up and down his length, feeling him tense as he draws closer and closer to release.

he really tries to pay attention, he does. but your mouth wrapped so sweetly around his throbbing cock, licking and sucking and teasing him without mercy all from the confines of below his desk is too much to bear, even from a man with a stoic temperament like himself.

it’s too much. your skillful hands, your sinful mouth, the way you work him so earnestly. he can fell himself on the edge, teetering so close to it, all while he has an audience to witness such debauchery.

he can’t, he won’t, he’s—he’s going to. . .

“so, mr. scribe. what do you think?”

al haitham doesn’t register the words. all he can do is reach under his desk and grab your hair, pulling you farther onto his cock as he unravels, shooting his load deep in you throat as he bites his tongue, desperately trying to keep quiet as he cums so hard into your mouth.

he takes a second to breathe, hazy eyes finally focusing on the nervous students once again.

it takes a good second or two before he can realize that they’re waiting for some sort of response.

“yes.” he mumbled, removing a hand from your tangled hair to wave the pair off. “very good. approved.”

the student don’t even bother to question how disheveled the scribe seems, too elated with the news.

“t-thank you mr. scribe! we won’t let you down!” the older stutters, quickly collecting his materials before escaping the room with his junior.

all al haitham can do is sit and gasp, rolling back his chair to witness you remove yourself from his spent cock, cum dripping from your tongue and down to he intricately tiled floor below.

you hold up you hand, covered in his release and sporting a beautiful ring once again on your finger.

“found it.”

#anon thank you for waiting so long #i hope it’s everything you dreamed of #tender thoughts #tender answers #al haitham x reader #alhaitham x reader #al haitham x y/n #alhaitham x y/n #al haitham x you #alhaitham x you #al haitham smut #alhaitham smut

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heartf4iry · 10 months

Text

punishment — abby anderson x reader

hi everyone :) first time writing abby + smut…. i didn’t know where i was going w this but! it’s not very long & i hope u like !! kisskiss 💋

cw: 18+ please!!!! fem!reader, lil oral & a lil nipple sucking (both r!recieving) a lil degradation, kindaaa mean abby, dom!abby, sub!reader, & petnames, like sweetheart, baby, doll (obvious idk how to tag things lol!)

with dating abby, you’ve learned that she likes things to be orderly, safe, according to plan. when it came to you, she was always extra attentive, making sure that your needs were met, giving her all for your safety. she wanted her girl happy.

she was always the one to give you lectures and keep things holding together. abby was heavy on structure. though today, when things spiraled a little out of control, she realized how ungrateful you could be after everything she’s done for you.

so now, here you two were, in your shared bedroom where she was going to set things straight.

“tell me why you’re in trouble.” her voice sounds, piercing the silence in the room. you want to say the right thing, but your mind is blank. with your heart pounding wildly and threatening to jump out of your chest, it was hard to think of anything.

you stay quiet for a second longer before muttering. “i don’t know, abby.”

“you don’t know?” she chuckles, threatening eyes looking you up and down with pity.

“no, abby! you just wanted to get all mad and leave early like nothing even happened! it was a party. of course i was going to have fun.” you complain, lifting up a hand in confusion.

abby feels a switch go off in her head. she looks off to the side at the floor, nodding to herself. “alright. we’ll it do this way, then.”

“take off your clothes.” abby ordered, tone sharp. she sat on the edge of the bed with her palms flat on the sheets behind her, silvery eyes locking with yours as she waited for you to begin undressing. when you stood there, dumbly, without any movement, she rolled her eyes with a sigh, becoming impatient.

“know you heard me. i said take your clothes off. strip, now.” she was louder the second time, her orders making you fumble with the hem of your shirt before you began to pull it over your head. you knew abby wasn't fond of repeating herself, but your mind was racing a million miles per hour and all you wanted to do was please her, which only made you anxious.

you threw your shirt across the room somewhere, beginning to shimmy out of your pants. you were incredibly aroused, legs feeling like jelly as you undressed under abby’s intimidating gaze. when you stepped out of one pantsleg, you felt how much wetness already pooled into your underwear.

“bra and panties off too.” she reminded you, but you hesitated—already slipped into obedience but not quite sure what she was going to do with you yet.

“a-abby-“

“what did i just tell you?” she stood, leaning closer to you. her height made you want to shrink into a corner. “you’re gonna wanna listen, sweetheart, or you won’t like where this is going. got it?”

you nodded nonetheless, and abby sat back down with bulging arms crossing over her chest. you let your hands wander to your back, unhooking your bra. abby watched the material fall to the floor, licking her lips at the sight of your hardening nipples.

your panties came after. slowly, you pulled them down your legs, cheeks burning in embarrassment as abby tsked with the shake of her head at the line of slick that followed.

“you’re sick, y’know that?” she looks up at you with her brows raised, before she gestured for you to sit on her lap. you straddle her, carefully, feeling hot all over at the fact that you were completely bare, and abby was fully clothed. but that only made your clit throb humiliatingly between your thighs.

“you like getting off to me scolding you?” her voice was tender, soft, teasing, tickle of her breath on your lips erupting goosebumps all over your body.

“saw how wet you are,” she whispered, and you knew what she was doing. you couldn’t help but feel like melting into mush under her touch. her large hands rubbed up and down your sides, then squeezed ever so gently at the fat of your thighs, thumbs rubbing tiny circles across your skin.

a wave of warmth surged in your core at being this close to her, wanting her big arms to wrap and nuzzle you into her chest. your eyes were fluttering, trying to keep them open, eyes open—needing to kiss her, wanting to feel her tongue slide in your mouth, so badly. that is, until her fingers pinch one of your nipples, rubbing the skin harshly which snaps you out of your daydream.

“answer me, baby. don’t make me repeat myself.” you panted, heartbeat thumping in your ears. “y-yeah, i-i like it. like it a lot,”

“pathetic girl,” she chuckled, leaning forward to take your nipple into her mouth. the hotness of her tongue sent electricity through your body, the pink muscle swirling and sucking at the bud. you were squirming over her, grabbing and pulling her head impossibly closer than she already was. “a-abby, pleaseplease don’t stop—“

despite your words she detached, a trail of saliva following. silvery blue eyes darting between your glossy, hooded ones. “you want me to stop?”

“no! nono, please keep going, i’ll be good i’ll be—please abby, just—anything, please,” you pleaded, words coming out in jumbles and babbles. your clit was pulsing hotly now, slick probably drooling onto abby’s pants.

“well, since you asked so nicely,” you almost regret begging when you see a twinkle of something appear in her eye. you’re not sure what it is, but it’s not comforting.

“go. lay on the bed.” she nodded her head sideways, and you quickly follow, crawling onto the sheets and scooting up toward the headboard so your head was against the pillows.

abby comes between your legs, spreading them wide with her hands on your knees before they slide to your inner thighs. she traces circles with her thumb on the sensitive skin, every feathery touch making things all the worse. you bite your lip, hard, the familiar metallic taste of blood seeping onto your tongue.

“you’re so fucking wet, baby. s’gorgeous, my gorgeous girl…” she mumbles, almost to herself. your brows furrow when she uses her thumbs to spread your lips, watching the stickiness of your folds part.

“hope you didn’t forget you’re still on punishment, doll. not even started with you yet,” she speaks quietly, eyes trained on your drooling cunt. she leans forward as if she’s smelling you, and you can feel her warm breath against your clit—which makes you shudder, clenching around nothing.

“eager, are we?” she looks up at you, and before you can even nod she’s swiping her tongue once up your messy folds. you jolt, a strangled whine coming out from your throat.

“suggest you get comfortable, sweetheart. i’m not stopping until you’ve understood why you’re in trouble.”

#abby anderson x reader #abby anderson smut #abby anderson x female reader #ughh i don’t like the title im sorry

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caprisunandmoon · 1 year

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🧚🏼‍♀️analyzing my synastry with my ex-coworkers - part one

because what else is there to do after quitting a job you had for 4 years?? 🤪

Coworker #1

[lowkey was my favorite, felt the most comfortable with him & we had kind of a father-daughter relationship; we would spend a lot of time talking or joking around at work, he would buy me food/little snacks and drive me where i needed to go (i was the ultimate passenger princess with him lmaooo) + he even helped me with stuff outside of work like changing my tire when I had a flat 🥹🫶🏽]

My Ascendant conjunct his Sun/Mercury/Saturn (but with his sun/mercury falling into my 12th) - At first, we didn’t really click that much; we were friendly to each other but not that close in the beginning… he’d always try to joke around with me and I’d be like 🤨🤨🤨 idk man I don’t know you that well yet LOL. This was probably from so many of his planets falling into my 12th house (his venus was also in my 12h), so I simply ✨didn’t notice✨ him that much at first, but over the course of me working there and being around him more, we became inseparable. We loved to talk and just be in each other’s company. Lots of admiration for each other. And perhaps Saturn here is what contributed to the fatherly vibes lol

My Sun square his Moon - Any time I read descriptions about this aspect online, it talks about how the two will end up fighting and nagging, finding the other person annoying, etc and I’m over here like 🧍🏻‍♀️…. never had that issue with this aspect… I also have this aspect with my bestest friend in the world and we’ve never had even one fight lmao. So I’m not really sure how to describe this aspect honestly, but I guess I would consider it “binding” as it contributes to a deep connection between people

Moon square Moon - Again, this is an aspect often described as leading to fights, fundamental emotional incompatibility, etc but I never noticed this with him 🤔 We were actually able to talk about and express our emotions with ease. Obviously, we were only friends at work so perhaps if we got to know each other more, this square would have become more apparent, but ??? We have other really good aspects to the moon, so maybe that’s what helped neutralize this.

Mars trine Sun double whammy - I think this contributed to the general sense of “liking” each other. Also, we were always really supportive of each other and he was easy for me to work with.

His Mars trine my Moon - He was definitely very protective of me and tried to take care of me as much as possible. Any time I was feeling down, he would always notice and try to make me feel better <3

My Mars conjunct his Moon - I cared a lot for him but also thought he was a lil too sensitive sometimes haha; it never caused any conflict between us though (perhaps since this is a conjunction in Libra, so we were more focused on keeping the peace). And I was protective of him in the sense that I absolutely wouldn’t tolerate any other coworkers badmouthing him in my presence 🔪

My Mars trine his Mercury - The way I visualize aspects between mars-mercury in synastry is the “walk and talk” aspect between two people, like those two people who just like to walk around or do something while they talk to each other & this was very much us 🥰 people eventually stopped asking “where are you guys going” bc they soon realized the two of us would literally just walk around for the sake of walking around, no destination just vibes lmao

Venus conjunct Venus - Having the same tastes, likes, mannerisms, etc. top tier aspect imo 🫶🏽 and since it was a conjunction in aqua, we had a great intellectual connection above all, best friend/partner in crime vibes 🌚

My Venus trine his Moon - I LOVE when my Venus makes aspects to people’s moons, for me it’s literally the best for any relationship, platonic or romantic. In my natal, I have a cap moon square saturn & mars at 0-1 degrees (yes I’m extremely traumatized thank you for asking 🤩), so I’ve always struggled with my own emotion management and tend to get annoyed by most people’s expression of their emotions (I’m working on being better about this smh) but whenever my venus aspects someone’s moon, this isn’t the case, like I genuinely wanna hear about how they’re feeling and if there’s anything I can do to make them feel better if they’re down 🥰

His Jupiter trine my Mercury - He genuinely found my jokes funny, which I really appreciate as a Capricorn mercury bc our dry-ass humor isn’t understood by most 😃 Also we never ran out of things to talk about

His Jupiter square my Venus - Although this is a square, I think the only “problem” that comes out of this is excess aka I think he was excessively generous with me sometimes 🤪 ...definitely not the worst problem to have, at least not on my end lol

My Mercury trine his Uranus - Very intellectual conversations, it was always fun talking to him because we’d end up chatting about the most random subjects

My Mercury trine his Pluto - He simply had this way of getting me to open up and talk about deeper topics with ease, something I usually find difficult to do with people I don’t know well 🤔

Coworker #2

[I ended up having an on-off situationship with this coworker for about a year; the most physical attraction I’ve ever felt for a man LMAO but also definitely the most obsessive and toxic situation of my life (so far 🤪) + we had to keep everything a secret since relationships weren’t allowed between coworkers.. yeah long story short he traumatized me in many ways lmaooo]

His Mars trine my Venus - The main (and perhaps only) source of our attraction to each other hahaha, I love this aspect because it gives genuine physical chemistry + that feeling of butterflies but honestly it can also make you blind to overall emotional incompatibilities but ohwellyouliveyoulearniguess 🫠

Mercury square Moon double whammy - On a day-to-day level, this definitely made connection and communication difficult, even downright impossible sometimes, but also somehow added to the ✨spice✨ idk there’s just something kind of sweet about not understanding each other on an emotional level but still wanting to make that effort to connect 🤷🏻‍♀️ overall, as frustrating/irritating as this got sometimes, I appreciate that it made me aware of how differently other people can process their emotions

His Mercury square my Sun - We definitely had different points of view on so many things and sometimes I’d be a lil defensive with him but I generally try not to be led by my ego so this wasn’t too big of an issue overall (for me at least)

My Mercury square his Jupiter - Lots of laughs. Since it’s a square, sometimes an excess of joking around or joking around in situations that should have been serious like work meetings but oh well 🤙🏼🤪🤙🏼

My Venus sextile his Moon - Like I said above, I LOVE WHEN MY VENUS ASPECTS PEOPLE’S MOONS!!! The sextile is less easygoing than the trine, I definitely had to make more of an effort here, but still a sweet aspect nonetheless 🥰 And I think perhaps this is one reason why the Mercury square Moon didn’t hit as hard

My Venus sextile his Jupiter - Venus/Jupiter aspects are one of my favoritesssss and I think it was a major reason why I got so attached 🫠 Venus/Jupiter is such a nice aspect, it’s truly one aspect I wish for everyone to experience at least once in their lives, you just feel so lighthearted around each other and the energy is so warm, my fave is the trine but the sextile is also quite nice

My Venus sextile his Saturn - With Venus/Saturn in general, I think Saturn has the “upper hand” and ultimately gets to decide if the relationship will last. I knew from the start I wanted commitment and something serious, unfortunately he didn’t end up feeling the same way 😃 And overall I felt quite dependent on him, like he was a source of stability for me

My Mars opposite his Moon - I don’t know how tight this aspect was since I don’t know his time of birth but I definitely thought he was way too f*cking sensitive sometimes LMAOO as much as I cared about him & felt intensely for him, sometimes I’d be like 🙄🙄 by his reactions to things, overall he was easily triggered by my actions and I’d get triggered by his reactions

My Mars opposite his Mercury - Leads to a lot of bickering if not careful. I think it’s important to channel this energy into healthy debates etc otherwise it spills over into the day-to-day, causing bickering, arguments etc. If we kept the debating to work topics, we were fine, but anything outside of that was dangerous territory. Often best to just agree to disagree here. As a Libra mars, I’m not prone to arguments but his Aries mercury certainly tried to goad me into more than a few fights (and succeeded at times lol)

My Mars sextile his Uranus (0 degrees) + His Uranus trine my Mars - Absolute freaks in bed with each other LMAOOO absolutely nothing was off-limits and I’d never felt more comfortable, including being open to doing things I’d never done before. And, in general/day-to-day, we were comfortable being “weirdos” together and showing our more “quirky” sides (yes I indeed cringed while writing that last sentence)

My Saturn conjunct his Moon - On my end, I’m not sure if I felt this energy much, but natally I have a cap stellium and lots of Saturn aspects so this is like second nature to me. If I had to guess, I would say it probably felt oppressive for him as an Aries stellium with mostly trines in his natal 😃

My Neptune square his Sun - Sigh. I definitely felt like he was idealizing me and seeing me as someone I wasn’t and the more he got to know me and began to realize the fantasies weren’t true, the more I think he felt disillusioned and not as interested, which was heartbreaking for me to see, esp since I never intentionally tried to deceive him or act like someone I’m not 🫠

My Neptune sextile his Venus - Again, not seeing the other for who they really are, lots of idealizing. Even though the sextile is supposed to be an “easy” aspect, I don’t think anything involving Neptune in synastry is really that easy unfortunately

My Pluto trine his Venus - Yeah, as more time passes and I look back on our relationship, I can confidently say it was obsession and not love. I felt consumed by him and like our situation was taking over my life, constant fears that he would leave, typical Pluto/Venus lol… And I think as Pluto I was more attached to him than he was to me.

My Pluto opposite his Mars - Whewwww the sexual chemistry here was 😮‍💨😮‍💨 But outside of the bedroom, lots of power struggles. He constantly accused me of trying to control him, perhaps I was without realizing it, but in any case, the constant back and forth became too much to bear. We were both equally jealous/possessive. I felt like I could never fully relax throughout the entirety of our relationship.

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manicpixiedckgirl · 4 months

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okay, so i posted a timeline. sue me! i quit all other social media last year and needed that dopamine hit. just a lil nicotine patch for online attention. seasonal depression is a bitch okay. i posted it here and to ig, bc ig is to late millennials what facebook is boomers. and people have all said some very nice things, but when you're posting a 10 year timeline, you're usually hoping for someone from your past to see it and go "woah! you're so different now"!

and whaddya know, this time it worked. one of my exes from when i was a teenager saw it. not one of the ones who turned out to be a lesbian, one of the ones who turned out to be a trans man. He just wanted to say hi - that he was so happy to see that i looked happy, and that i looked incredible, especially compared to the scruffy twink they had dated. (okay those are my words not his)

he and I didn’t have a great relationship at first - no one had a great relationship with me before i realized i was a trans woman obviously, but this was pretty young. I was really repressed and weird back then, and still very much without any social graces, and we were only like 16. they caught the full broadside of my emo fuckboy energy and got out fast once they saw that - i don’t blame them. I was crying in their arms about how much i hated my new body hair, and how i wanted to be able to wear dresses, and the next day i’d be completely emotionally unavailable and denying all of it. not exactly boyfriend material, not entirely boyfriend. They were very traumatized too in their own way, just realizing they were trans too, and engaging in a lot of ‘i want to be a gay man’ antics, fucking their way through the pain. He was frankly way too cool and sexually liberated to be wasting his time with that version of me. And it was very obvious to everyone who knew what that was 12-15 years ago that i was a closeted trans girl. we had a friend group that eventually fell apart, and we parted for the first time.

Later, in our late teens/20, we would end up fucking - i had started to accept and announce that my gender was complicated, and i was starting to be kinda faggy and loud about it, and not everyone hated that, and they had just started T and were boy horny. We split a bottle of wine (or was it two? It was probably two) and started watching an ashley tisdale movie. Looking back on it, how it went must definitely have been his plan, but i’ve always been blind about this stuff and was that night. It was definitely bad sex, but it was also fun sex - the first time I enjoyed myself, and the pressure of having to be a guy wasn’t so overwhelming i didnt effectively black out. he’s one of the first people i ever talked to about feeling complicated about gender, and i think by then he had figured me out, and was just letting me get the rest of the way on my own. I still couldn’t top for him, i never rly could top for anyone, even before estrogen. but we still had fun, with our hands and with our mouths. and then after that, we'd go to art shows and poetry readings and hang out again occasionally, like we talked about doing when we were literal kids, putting on rocky horror in our front rooms.

but life takes you away from people, and he got into film school, and i somehow graduated my chemistry program and moved to the US. he moved to Germany for a while, although i hear he's back home. i got married, got separated, there was a global pandemic. we hadn't talked in years, although i had snooped on him once or twice. He’s a director now - he’s made some impressive arthouse films, all horror and gender and kitchy campy cerebral themes. He’s got a big tv writing credit on the way in irish tv. Idk - it felt rly good to impress him, to say hi, to remember. it's really cool to see other trans people thriving and living life, always. anyone who cleaves reality to themselves and fashions themselves into someone they can love is someone who impresses me. but it's different when it's someone you've known for almost half your life - someone you were a fucked up kid with, not sure if either of you would make it to 18. and to be smiling at each other, looking at 30, and wondering what's next. i'm really proud of the both of us actually. and i needed that today.

#trans #essay #diary

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rypnami · 10 days

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more than anything (pt. 1)

ship: leander prewett x sebastian sallow

word count: 938

warnings: mild angst, anxiety, vaguely implied transphobia.

summary: leander is returning to hogwarts for 5th year after transitioning over the summer. he struggles with anxiety over his identity as his family sends him off for the year.

a/n: @kaidynsarell completely inspired this lil fic. you’re the best! (don’t know pic credit sorry, please let me know if it’s yours so i can credit!) part 2 should be semi-soon idk

Leander stood on the train platform, feeling a bit faint. As usual, it was busy- trunks were loaded, parents said goodbye, students boarded the train- but to him, it all felt alien.

Would anyone even recognise him?

He had the same face, maybe, but he’d changed so much that most days when he looked in the mirror he didn’t even recognise himself.

Maybe they would all hate him. That was a thought that had been plaguing him for the past few weeks. No one would accept him, he’d have to move schools, lose all his friends… he tried to stop that thought. Worrying would do nothing.

His own parents hung back a few steps, letting him decide what he wanted to do. Lily had come along to send him off for the year, too, which was slightly embarrassing- no one else needed their big sister there. Then again, no one else, to his knowledge, had made such a big change, either.

“Are you ready, sweetheart?” His mum had come up and put a comforting hand on his shoulder. “We can wait a few more minutes, if you like?”

“Erm…” Leander cleared his throat, feeling a bit more embarrassed. “No, that’s okay..” He picked up his trunk. “I think I’m ready.”

“If you’re certain…” She moved her hand as if to pat his head, but seemed to think better of it, her hand pausing halfway.

Leander wasn’t certain at all. His stomach was in knots, and his knees shook slightly. He still felt a bit light-headed.

“We can wait a few more minutes, you know. There isn’t any rush,” Lily said quietly. Her eyebrows were knit together, her fingers drumming slightly on her thigh as she stood. She looked almost as anxious as Leander felt.

“But there *is* a rush,” Leander muttered. The train would be leaving soon- he couldn’t stand on the platform all day like a baby.

“There doesn’t have to be,” Mum said, worry seeping into her voice. “We can take all the time you need.”

“Don’t even have to take the train. We could just use the Floo network later this evening,” his father added.

Leander slammed his trunk down, growing annoyed. A few people glanced their way. “It’s fine! I’m fine!” He snapped. They hadn’t been this overbearing since his *actual* first day at Hogwarts. Although back then, Lily had still been attending, and she’d been able to look out for him. This time he would be all alone.

Alone and completely different.

Mum backed off, seeming hurt. His father, too, seemed upset. He knew he shouldn’t have been snappy- they were just trying to be supportive of him. That was more than a lot of people like him could say about their families. But it was almost too much. Maybe it was entitled of him to complain.

Lily motioned for their parents to step away for a moment, coming up to Leander herself.

“Hey, kiddo. What’s going on?”

He shrugged. “I guess I just… I just…” Leander stared at his feet. The platform was clearing out as more students boarded the train, probably making them stick out more. Was everyone staring at them? Judging him? Did any of his classmates even recognise him?

Leander didn’t quite know how to phrase what he was feeling, but thankfully he didn’t have to. Lily always seemed to know what he was thinking; it was part of what made her his favourite sibling, not that he’d admit that to the others. But they probably already knew that anyway.

“Look,” she started. “I understand this is scary-“

“You don’t understand, though,” he cut her off. “You’ll *never* understand, not really.” Maybe it was a rude thing to say, but it was true. Lily had always been so confident and sure of herself, all the time Leander had known her. She had no idea what it felt like to be trapped in wrong body, to hate herself every day for it. Maybe he was a little envious, even, that she’d always known exactly who she was.

“…you’re right. Maybe not *understand*, but I know that this is scary for you.” She looked into his eyes with a deep intensity that was almost uncomfortable. “You have already been so brave these past few months. I know you can do this. And I think you do, too. If anyone gives you any shit, you write to me as soon as you can, and I’ll sort it out. I promise.”

“I will.”

The train whistle blew, loud and shrill. Last call for students to get on board.

“You certain you’re ready for this? No shame in going tomorrow, you know.”

“It’s alright. I’m ready.” And he was. Leander turned and rushed to give his parents a hug. Maybe they could he overbearing, but he knew it was just because they loved him. It meant the world to him that his father had gone out of his way to get time off work, to see him off. “See you at Christmas,” he said as they all broke apart.

He grabbed his trunk, heaving it behind him as he got on the train.

“Good luck, kiddo!” Lily called after him. He waved, loaded his trunk, and went to find somewhere to sit.

There was an open compartment, completely empty. He sat down just as the train began moving, and waved goodbye to his family through the window as it left the station.

So long, London.

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titan-god-helios · 9 months

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pt1 of oddly specific things that give me gender affirmation/euphoria (that may not be that odd but i didn’t expect them so shut up <3 /lh):

wallets !!!! a good stereotypically masculine wallet that’s small and leather and still has lots and lots of usability and looks like something a dad would use makes me feel so masculine !! love it

any type of trouser or bottoms with more than two pockets

windbreaker jackets - they make me go “FUCK YEEAAHH im such a boy a man a male tm yessir” and idk why they just do tho, even the fem ones to an extent

plantssss i love plants and they make me feel like a little gardner boy just yessss

energy drinks for some reason ???? they make the internal man dialogue of “IM A MANNN” go haywire so much

hairbands on my wrist and an excess of those wooden beaded bracelets or even stone beaded jewellery

cross earrings but just bc they look cool (i’m an atheist so yuh, i still love people who have religion too, y’all are awesome <3)

doing the thing with your hair where you take hair from one side and flip it on the other with one hand and its kind of like running your hand through your hair but with long hair…. esp of my other hand is on my hip and i scrunch my face ?!?!?!??!? so boyish i feel so good

dancing like an absolute idiot. i dont know why but every time i just do a little jig for myself by myself my gender is just like “yessssss you’re a boy frfr slay king”

watches !! big chunky analogue watches

following on from the last point, clocks too

mushroomsssss they make the more nonbinary side of me jump for joy cause like “yes ofc im a fucking forest goblin dude i love mushrooms im just a goblin guy leave me alone and let me love the shrooms”

sketching in public. it just doessss

camoflague clothing !! i mean this was probably obvious but when i came out to myself and i wore camo cargo pants (with loads of pockets mind you) i just freaked out in joy i felt so manly that day it was glorious

singing !! singing my favourite songs as low as i can go with it still sounding good

just being as stubborn as possible but in a non problematic (for the most part) way. like if you give me the option to make things easier and more convenient or not i’ll choose the harder option. idk it just makes me feel manly (is this toxic masculinity ?? i dont know but i try to remind myself that this only applies to non mental stuff so i don’t end up self-harming againnnn)

being unnecessarily overdressed

not brushing my hair till its perfectly untangled and just letting it be a bit wild - this came with me figuring out that my hair type is waywayway wavier/curlier than i thought my whole life and learning to take care of it the best i can whilst i have like zero products for waves/curls on hand and as a bonus i felt more masc !!

looking at the stretch marks underneath my boobs in the mirror. i have a large-ish chest i think (DD cup), plus i’m a lil chubby, so i have loads of stretch marks around my chest, and the ones underneath look like top surgery scars, so if i’m having a particularly rough day with my chest dysphoria i’ll look at em and feel a bit better

using my stim toys and accommodations with friends and by myself for my autism and adhd - being capable of taking care of myself finally makes me feel really confident and as a result quite masc as well

stimming by flipping my beaded bracelets between my fingers - this is specific to greek and possibly other cultures similar to greece but it’s typical for a lot of greek men to flip long-ish beaded loops (?? they’re not jewellery and specifically made for this but idk what they’re called so) between their fingers in a similar fashion, and it’s a thing that my dad does a lot when bored. whether neurodivergent or neurotypical it’s a very common thing for men and so doing it makes me not only feel good stimming but also feel manly as fuck ! it feels even better now that my mum saw me doing it once and said “what are you a man ??” and being closeted i had to say “idc im just flipping a bracelet why does it have to be gendered” BUT INSIDE I WAS SO HAPPY

playing card games - when i was younger and even now my dad and grandpa would let me sit in on their card games late at night when we visited them in greece and now when i play card games i always feel so calm and comforted and quietly masculine

drinkingggg now hear me out yes im a minor but i’m also half greek so as a result whenever my parents drink im allowed a bit too (under supervision ofc). anyway that out the way, i have a pretty fucking high alcohol tolerance and considering the fact that it comes from my dad (being asian, my mum’s tolerance is dogshit) plus the stereotypical “men can drink more” stuff i feel SO MANLYYYY when i can quite literally drink more than my dad and feel okay whilst he’s starting to be tipsy (just to clarify though, the stereotype is bullshit and should NOT be perpetuated as much as it is, at least with intent. you guys with low alcohol tolerances are just as manly !! maybe you’re even more manly than those with high tolerance !! and women with high tolerances, you’re still very fem and very cool and valid as a woman and those who aren’t binary or aligning you are valid as your gender or as no gender no matter what tolerance you have <33)

caring about myself more. and i don’t mean in a “i’m gonna have a nice fucking bath and be happy about it” way i mean in a “i’m going to feed myself well, drink lots of water, get good exercise and be respectful to myself at the very least” way. and also in the bath way. baths are nice

collecting shit !! idk dude but having a collection of dumb shit just makes me feel so masc and good cause i swear to the stars nearly every dude i’ve met and stepped into the house of has a collection of SOMETHING whether it’s games, books, rocks, crystals, cookbooks and recipies or art supplies or whatever makes them happy. like legit fucking anything and i like collecting stuff too so its a bonus !!

just being nice. just being a nice dude makes me feel so manly

being silly and myself and doing dumb shit and being unapologetic about it (im still working on being able to do this since i struggle a lot but when i can it feels so good !!)

being stupidly loyal to something equally stupid /pos. like yes i have had this stuffed animal since the dawn of time no i will never get rid of her. she’s a genderfuck lesbian rainbow tiger from buildabear workshop who goes by the name of Roxy i will never get rid of her >:(. and so what my ring is so rusty it makes my skin green every three days ?? i clean it and take it off when it gets out of control back off bitch its mine. why are you so concerned about my shoes ????? fuck you i like them how they are (falling apart and dishevelled, the sole is halfway off already and it hasn’t been even remotely okay since three years ago) and they still fit and work so i’ll wear them until i literally cannot anymore. its so fun and it’s such a “just some guy” activity AND it makes my autism goblin feel safe and good too so its great would reccommend

just talking about stuff i like and that makes me feel good but not to anybody in particular. maybe in my notes, maybe on tumblr (like right now !! i’m doing this one right now !!) maybe on my personal dm to myself. it just makes me feel like a boy i love it PLUS i dont actually have to stress about humans on the other end of it so i feel way more confident and comfortable and as a result even MORE manly !!

ice cream on cones. i will not elaborate

travelling and exploring !! like legit anywhere. as long as i’m moving from one place to another and exploring the world i feel so happy and right and also masculine it’s great i love travelling so much. on holidays i enjoy the act of travelling even more than the holiday itself tbh

(to clarify i identify as male but a bit fucked in the gender - if you want a label i still identify as nonbinary but male aligningg <3)

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ofstoriesandstardust · 2 years

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memory i don’t mess with (jake “hangman” seresin)

a/n: hangman criminally does not get enough love so my little simping heart decided to write this lil’ thing. enjoy. i could very well be talked into writing a prequel (or maybe even a sequel) for this so let me know your thoughts

inspired by lee brice’s “memory i don’t mess with”

main masterlist | top gun: maverick masterlist

break up in a small town | when i get where i’m going

warnings: break-ups, brief mention of death from a drunk driving accident, jake is from the South i don’t make the rules but i am from California and know Nothing about the South, jake also listens to country music and idk if that’s relevant but it’s a head canon i have

word count: 1,133

Jake took a deep breath, hopping out of the front seat of his Dad’s old pick-up truck. It felt good to be back in his small hometown in the South, the roads familiar and the people holding precious memories. He’d offered to go in town, pick up a few things his family needed while he was home on leave for a week. He really wanted an excuse to drive past his old high school, maybe past the park where the sun always shined, and stop into the old diner he frequented during high school. He always swore even the best Navy chefs couldn’t make a cup of coffee like that place could. He squinted out at the busyness of Main Street, familiar faces stopping and chatting with one another, the Southern charm feeling home. The Southern sun warmed his soul, lifting pieces of him he didn’t even know needed lifting, until he stepped out into it. He was halfway through his errands and promised his Mom he’d stop by the farmer’s market to pick up fresh fruits and that honey she liked, and yes, he’d stop and tell the Millers she’d said hello. He chuckled as he began to stroll through the street, seeing familiar neighbors and faces he’d hadn’t seen in years. Some from high school, some childhood friends, neighbors whose parents had passed on while he’d been in the Navy. It felt like a lifetime Jake had been away from this town and while Jake had traveled many different places for the Navy, none had felt quite like home like his hometown did. Even San Diego, where he’d been stationed at the Miramar base for a while now, felt quite like this place. It was too big, too loud, too much unfamiliarity and foreignness to ever really feel like home.

He paused at the next booth, recognizing the boy, Tyler. But it was more than that. He’d remember the times he’d play football with the kid, much younger than he was right now. The nights he’d spend watching Tyler, tucking him in with you when you were stuck with baby-sitting duty. The nights he’d pick Tyler up from school, take him to get ice cream and chat. He remembered the way he’d ruffle the boy’s hair every time he went to leave your home. His breath got caught in his throat as he realized who was in front of him. Tyler looked up, surprise and excitement spreading over his face. The boy jumped up from his chair, side-stepping the tables to attack Jake in a hug. Jake tried not to stumble back, giving the boy in an equally tight hug. Tyler had easily been his own little brother and he’d missed the boy. Missed getting to watch him grow up. Jake heard your voice before he saw you.

“Ty, here are more of those...” You said, trailing off when you saw who was standing next to him. You pushed your sunglasses to sit atop of your head.

“(Y/N), look who it is!” Tyler exclaimed, shaking Jake’s arm. Jake offered you a genuine smile. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen you, but you were just as pretty as he remembered you being. You offered Jake an equally genuine smile, getting down the crate you were carrying to give him a hug. He pulled you close and his brain flashed back to a million memories. First date. Prom night. When you got rejected from your dream college. After a fight. Christmas. The night he’d enlisted into the Navy. The night the two of you’d broken up.

“What’re you doing here?” You asked, arms sliding off of his large frame, stepping back to take him in. He shrugged.

“I’ve got a week leave and there’s no place like home.” You nodded.

“How’s the Navy treating you?” Tyler asked excitedly, haven re-taken his seat behind the booth.

“Good. Been stationed in Miramar in California for a while now. Hoping the placement is permanent.”

“Pretty city.” You said, smiling at him.

“How- how’re things going for you?” He asked. You nodded.

“Good. Helping Mom with the business. Ty just graduated college.” You mentioned, motioning to the boy. Ty beamed. He’d always wanted Jake’s approval, looking up to Jake from a very young age. “Thinking about enlisting in the Navy.”

“Yeah?” Jake asked, turning to the boy. Tyler nodded. “Well, give me a call sometime if you’re serious. Maybe you can come out to Miramar, get a beer or two.” Tyler nodded and while Jake worried for the kid, he knew Tyler was like you and wouldn’t let anything get in the way of what he wanted. He knew you’d feel better if there was someone looking out for him. He looked back to you and was hit with a bunch of different memories all at once. Summer drives through the countryside, your hair flowing in the wind as you beamed in the passenger seat. Late night talks in his car with ice cream in hand. All the school dances. Graduation. The fight that had ended it all. Water fights in your front yard. Building snowmen with you in the winter. The night he’d spent with you as your Dad died in the hospital from a drunk driver. All the conversations the two of you’d had about your future. Lunches during high school, arm slung around your shoulder, laughing alongside your friends. Study dates at the local dinner. Enough time had passed that you’d become a happy memory, someone who he thought of fondly and with only love. And yet here was a stranger from his memories living and breathing in front of him. You flashed that smile that hadn’t changed and he knew he’d do anything you asked. He swallowed. “Well, I better be getting on back to the house. Mom’s making pie.” He said. That wasn’t entirely untrue; Mom was making pie but he was on no timeline to be back at the house. You nodded, your smile faltering slightly, only enough that had he not known you as well as he did, he would’ve missed it. “Tell her I said hi.”

“Only if you tell yours I said hello.” You laughed.

“Deal.” He raised a hand in departure, nodding to Tyler. He took a shaky breath, walking away from you. He’d loved you for a long time, and he still did. But you needed to stay in his past, where you belonged, or he’d never go back. He’d go back to you in a heartbeat, throw away everything he’d worked for since leaving the small town, and wouldn’t even give the Navy a second thought. He’d only ever seen a future with you, would’ve done anything for you, still would, but you were a memory, a person he no longer knew.

#jake hangman seresin #jake hangman seresin imagines #jake hangman seresin fics #jake hangman seresin fic #jake hangman seresin imagine #top gun maverick #top gun maverick fic

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cannotgiveafuck · 2 years

Text

Have another nonsense snippet! IDK I just wanted to write Billy Batson and Captain Cold bc he’s on my list of villain/ antihero/ dubious influence that would adore this lil magical street rat.

"This isn't what I had in mind when you invited me to Star City, you know." Billy couldn't quite reign in the resignation, the sigh not so much tired as aware he should've known better.

Captain Cold adjusted his hold on Billy, kept him secured under his arm like he was a sack of cash or jewels, and not a literal child he brought with to a heist. "I didn't invite you, lil scarlett, I kidnapped you."

"I was trying to be generous here."

"Don't do me any favors, or you'll smear my carefully crafted reputation."

"The only reputation you have is your enjoyment to hear yourself talk, Lenny," came the overly chipper, yet sarcastic voice of Gold Glider. She held her gold gun aloft on her shoulder, something shiny and most assuredly stolen in her hand.

Leonard Snart gave his sister a significant look that Billy had come to know as the 'haha you are very funny' look, but somehow with more attitude despite the blank expression. The Snarts were very good at a variety of silent expressions. "Come now, you have better insults than that."

"Tell him his plan is poorly thought out!" Billy piped up. Much to the delight of Lisa and chagrin of Len.

"Insulting the man that kidnapped you isn't well thought out, kid."

"Hey! Being kidnapped means I get to insult you the entire time! If you're using me as an accessory to a crime, I should have a say,” as though Billy would ever actually want to be involved, but he knew by this point he was along for the ride. There was a reason Len kept a hold on him and it was not entirely to ensure Billy’s safety.

“No, being kidnapped means you get exactly zero say. You’re supposed to look sad and distressed, can’t you turn on those big blues and get the water works going?”

The look Billy shot up at him made Lisa whistle in appreciation.

“Look at that, the kid is actually learning something from you!”

“Lise...”

“Alright, alright, I’ll go check on Mick and make sure he’s not setting any paintings on fire. Try to teach the kid something else while you got him!”

The paired shouting of “I’m not a dog!” and “He’s not my mentee!” only got a lazy wave as she strutted away. Whatever the kid got from this, Lisa didn’t particularly care. He wasn’t in danger and not for reals upset, so the two boys spending time together was a good thing all around. Her brother got antsy when he didn’t bother any of his favorite good doers.

“We could have literally done anything else today, you know. Could’ve enjoyed the museum without stealing from it! Or gone to the park or the movies-”

“As riveting as those suggestions are, none of them spark the true Star City experience as a good ol heist with yours truly,” Leonard had walked into the next room and proceeded to freeze a glass container and its security sensors, hitting it just right to break apart and leave the golden wristlet free to grab. “Besides, do ancient Egyptian artifacts truly belong to this place?”

Billy was about to open his mouth to tell Len that how museums work and function probably involved a lot of paperwork and handling objects between hands, but then he realized he also didn’t actually know who owned all of the stuff there. Especially the older pieces that were probably stolen from sites long ago anyway. Billy closed his mouth, and Len made a triumphant noise.

“Lemme see!” Those crafty, nimble hands of his swiped the bracelet before the bad could close, and Billy inspected the item closely. It didn’t feel magical, but it definitely felt old. Or at least he thought it did. “Hmmm...”

“I won’t reprimand you for that, so long as you plan on keeping it.” As if Len would be entirely too proud if he got Billy to steal something.

Billy said nothing to rebuke that.

“I sincerely hope you’re not giving kiddie lessons on stealing, Cold,” came a sudden familiar voice behind them, right as the air in the room became charged with the sort of energy only the speed force could conjure. “Thievery 101 shouldn’t go on his resume for school.”

It was like Len’s entire face lit up, he smiled wide and turned on his heels with a dramatic pivot. “Oh, don’t be absurd, Scarlett. This is at least Heist 105, the kid isn’t a total newbie.”

The Flash crossed his arms, not at all buying it, but that was part of the game there - the banter. Though this particular situation was a new one. Barry had been aware that Len and Billy knew each other, but seeing one hoist the other under his arms in the midst of an afterhours heist was still not something he had been prepared to deal with. “The kid isn’t going to steal artifacts for you.”

A red gloved hand gestured out for the golden wristlet.

Blue eyes glanced up at the Flash, and then back down to the artifact. He made a noise of conflicted contemplation.

“Billy...” The Flash began, somewhat stern, but mostly surprised and unsure at the turn of events.

Billy made the noise again and held onto the bracelet tighter.

“Hah! Sorry, little scarlet is taking my classes after all,” Len crowed.

Barry made a displeased sound, “You’re being a bad influence on him, is what you’re doing!”

“No need to be jealous,” Captain Cold cooed, absolutely delighted by it all. “You’re still my favorite crime fighting idiot in tights, Scarlet. The kid’s just on my team now.”

“I’m not taking it for myself!” Billy felt the need to explain himself. He didn’t steal unless it was right thing to do, and sometimes it was! But he also really did not want Barry to be disappointed in him. “If it’s from Ancient Egypt it should go to someone of that culture, right? Since it was probably just taken from the ground or a burial site...”

“Uh, news flash, kid, no one alive from that yesteryear is running around - puns intended.” Whatever Billy’s reasoning, Len was still counting this as win.

“Well, I mean, there’s one person...”

“Billy.” This time Flash used a tone that was definitely stern and concerned.

“What! He’s actually from Ancient Egypt, and--”

“No.”

“But if there’s anyone who would have a claim--”

“That’s not how this works, Billy!”

“Now, hold on, let the kid speak--”

“Stay outta this, Len!”

“I’m giving it to Teth Adam.”

And for once, of their own volition, both The Flash and Captain Cold agreed, “Billy, no!”

#billy batson #captain marvel #shazam #the flash #captain cold #listen. I just love Cold and Flash banter so much #and adding Billy into the mix makes it so much better #also no. billy does not understand how museums or reparations work #he just wants Teth Adam to like him. or at least not hate him #gifts should work right?#in which Flash and Cold become uncles that teach billy contradictory lessons #he doesnt need them but he likes spending time with both of them

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ghostofskywalker · 11 months

Note

I also at 10:03 pm (for me) am thinking ab dottie underwood and maybe a lil angsty dialogue of “let me help you.” 😌

ILY HAPPY 3K AGAIN U DESERVE EVERYTHING IN THE WHOLE WORLD

thank you so much my beloved!! i have been sooo busy lately (moving my entire life back home after college is wild - idk how i have so much stuff!), but i promise i did not forget your requests :) i don't think is quite what you were expecting but i hope you enjoy it anyway!

this fic also includes a prompt from @nekoannie-chan's 1k writing challenge ("don't you think you're being a little paranoid?"), which i am so late on posting it's not even funny

words: 1,086

dottie underwood masterlist || join my 3k celebration!!

A Single Action

With every passing second, you felt your chances of escaping arrest slip away. Every step you took was as fast as you possibly could, and you knew the police were closing the gap between you almost obsessively. It was your fault for trying to break into a store they were staking out, and now you had to once again disappear.

You didn’t know where to go that wouldn’t lead the authorities back to you, and so when you by the time you finally felt that no one was on your tail anymore, you were practically stranded in the middle of the city, with several hours to kill before you could even think about returning to your home.

There was a gunshot wound in your shoulder, a souvenir from the officers when they first crashed the scene, and the adrenaline coursing through your body was starting to wear off, which meant the pain was starting to amplify. It wasn’t a particularly perilous wound, although there was a small amount of blood seeping from your arm, currently staining your shirt that might have suggested otherwise. You were just grateful that this was the only injury you received, and that once you were able to patch yourself up a little, things would be okay.

A nearby dive bar was the only place you could think of going that wouldn’t ask any questions this late at night, so you tried not to think about the growing pain and slowly made your way into the darkened room, dodging a few people dancing on your way to the bathroom. Even though this place was pretty dark, it was probably a good idea to get as much blood off your skin and clothes as physically possible before the people around you started to ask too many questions about what you were doing and where you had been.

The bathroom was brightly lit, and there was a woman applying lipstick in the mirror when you stepped in. You didn’t recognize her at first, but then fear started to bubble in your stomach as you recognized her jet-black hair and intense stare.

You didn’t often cross paths with Dottie Underwood, but you had competed for jobs a few times, one of those times being pretty recent. She had just shown up one day and started to try and make her way among the bounty hunters in the streets of Los Angeles, and you knew almost nothing about her. All the gossip in the different circles of the underworld only mentioned that she had apparently been born in Russia and was currently evading capture from one of the intelligence agencies based on the west coast. Although you weren’t technically on opposite sides, you wouldn’t consider her a friend, that’s for sure.

But unfortunately, you were bleeding too much to be any more picky about where you were going to clean yourself off, so you tried your best to not draw any attention and instead rolled your sleeve up as high as it would go, exposing the raw and bloody wound.

Right as you turned the faucet on and put your hand under the stream of water, a pristine white handkerchief appeared in your field of vision. Shocked, you looked up to see Dottie standing right next to you. “Let me help you,” she said, and for a few moments you genuinely believed that you had lost your mind.

Frozen, you continued to stare at her, and when you finally did speak, your voice came out in an embarrassing croak. “Why?”

“Because I know who you are.” Immediately, your body tensed, so much so that she let out a quiet laugh upon observing it. “Calm down, I’m not going to say anything, don’t you think you’re being a little paranoid?” Her words may have seemed accusatory, but there was an ease to them you couldn’t quite explain, as if this was her attempt at a joke.

“No,” you said defensively. “I just don’t understand why you’re here.”

“Even untraceable ghosts of the night need a crappy drink every now and then,” she said, a cryptic smile crossing her lips. There was something about her that drew you in like no one else you had ever met, and you finally understood what some people said about her charm and the connections that had with her success rate. If she asked you to rob a bank for her right this very moment, you would simply nod and ask where she wanted you to drop off the money. You didn’t often let your feelings dictate your life, but this was almost involuntary.

“No, I mean why you’re helping me, especially if you know who I am.”

“I don’t hold a grudge against you for taking that job a few weeks back, if that’s what you’re worried about,” she said. “I understand that we all just have to do whatever we can to make it, even when we don’t want to.”

The tone she spoke in hinted at her past in a way you had never heard before, and if what you had heard about her origin was true, she probably was aware of the reality of this life even before you had decided to go out on your own and spill blood to pay the bills.

It was completely silent in the room as she helped you clean your arm, and once most of the blood was wiped away, the wound itself didn’t look too bad. You were thankful for the cards you had been dealt, as the bullet seemed to have only grazed you. With a gauze wrap and a few days of rest, you would be right as rain.

You dried off your skin as best you could with your shirt, and then you finally broke the silence. “Thank you,” you said, voice as sincere as you had ever heard it. “I won’t forget this.”

“I won’t either,” Dottie responded, and she reached down to take your hand for a fleeting moment, squeezing it slightly before she let go. Maybe you were reading too much into the implications, but you really hoped that it meant she was as taken with you as you were with her, even though this was but a tiny interaction in the course of one lifetime, a blip in memory.

She was gone almost immediately after, the door swinging closed as she walked out, and you couldn’t help but wonder when you would see her again.

Because you really wanted to see her again.

- the end -

i no longer have a taglist! if you're interested in being notified when i post, you can follow my library blog @ghostofskywalker-library and turn on notifications!

#3k celebration requests! 🏖#dottie underwood x reader #dottie underwood #agent carter x reader #annie's 1k kitties writing challenge

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bcntbouquet · 2 months

Note

1. Who has been your favorite muse to play?

2. Do you listen to music while you write? If so, what do you like to listen to?

10. Do you like stylized icons and formatted text or do you prefer to keep things simple?

14. What are five of your favorite ships? (In the rp community or otherwise)

15. What sort of muses do you tend to write?

16. Do you like to queue your replies or just post them when you finish?

17. Do you prefer winging it or plotting everything out?

20. If you could tell your muse something, what would it be?

1. Who has been your favorite muse to play?

I think my first-ever legit rp muse was Herbert West (Re-Animator) and once upon a time, I didn’t really have the urge to write other characters (can’t you even imagine ME writing ONE character now, lmao). The first OC I really got into was my dude Gideon Brady, so he was my favourite for years—Then I found my way to Supernatural and Dean Winchester was the most at-home I’d probably ever felt in ANY muse ever to that point. Probably stayed that way until some time in 2023. I’ve created dozens of ocs and even quite a number of canon muses since then, but late last year I started writing Brian (Brain Damage) and Aylmer (Brain Damage) and I became very attached very quickly; around the same time, I decided to explore my under-used oc Derward (created c. 2022) and I find he’s easiest to write at this particular time in my life. I also enjoy playing Wonka a whole lot—because he’s so positive and optimistic—but it’s been brought to my attention that Derward and I share a lot of similarities—Which, I suppose, explains why he's become my default muse these days.

2. Do you listen to music while you write? If so, what do you like to listen to?

Yes, I listen to music about 50% of the time that I write. A lot of 80s pop, rock, and new wave ngl. But there's other kinds I listen to, of course. The rest of the time I watch movies while writing… I know, you’d think it would distract me from the text, but most of the time films get me in that creative zone with any combination of setting, music, story, cast, etc.

10. Do you like stylized icons and formatted text or do you prefer to keep things simple?

To quote Slugworth— “A good chocolate should be SIMPLE. Un-complicated.” I will admit I have a hard time reading/seeing (highly) formatted text. Bold, italics, colours, and certain fonts; those are all find by me. As for stylized icons… What’s even the point? Frankly, it’s lost on me. A visual should be just that. Any image or gif that takes interpretation in order to figure out what’s being presented doesn’t really belong… as it serves no purpose to enrich either the details of the narrative or the muse being portrayed. Granted, this is only my personal opinion. If stylized iconography somehow makes your creative juices flow, fellow writers... go for it. You do you. The rpc should always be an inclusive place.

14. What are five of your favorite ships? (In the rp community or otherwise)

Call me biased or indecisive af, but I hold all my ships dear. Romantic or platonic. I just love all my ships- as well as my shipping partners. Lil' shout out to @cvpidswings, @everyoneismytoy, @smolcuriouskitten, @rawbutprecious, and @frcsttitan. Everybody else I ship with, love you too.

'nother lil' shout to @cursedvessels and @miidnighters—Shimi and Callisto are one of my favourite duos in the rpc atp and I love reading about their joint antics. A canon ship I love is Zed and Addison from Zombies.

15. What sort of muses do you tend to write?

Difficult to say... I don't find myself defining any of my muses by type. If I had to take a guess, I'd say kindhearted people with emotional trauma? Again, IDK.

16. Do you like to queue your replies or just post them when you finish?

I'm a slow writer, so I usually post when I've finished a draft. I already keep people waiting a while for a reply due to my inherent speed, so a regular queue would just make things even slower.

17. Do you prefer winging it or plotting everything out?

It just depends on the situation in the rp; during a lot of threads, I do well with a mix of winging it and plotting. 90% of the time, though, it's winging it. My muses are all control freaks in that they're usually more cooperative when I don't involve myself XD

20. If you could tell your muse something, what would it be?

Derward hasn't felt much love in his life, or support. He isn't the type to give up in any situation, but he probably really needs to hear that he's both wanted and needed. I think little compliments would serve him well, too. Maybe tell him that he's cute or that his hair/clothes are nice. He wouldn't always believe me about his clothes, 'cause he tends to wear tattered stuff throughout his various verses, but... If I could give him a big hug, I would. I'd give him a nice smooch on the cheek, too. Maybe wrap a blanket around his shoulders. That said, he should allow himself to put his burdens down from time to time. He's strong, and he knows this. What he doesn't know, however, is that he CAN be weak. He CAN be vulnerable. I would, hopefully, convince himself to free himself of such pressure. Dude needs a good cry five minutes ago.

#ᵒᵘᵗ ᵒᶠ ᶜʰᵒᶜᵒˡᵃᵗᵉ

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lyluvsgyu · 2 years

Text

Watching him fade away;

Part 1

part 2

Genre: smut, angst (maybe comfort idk)

Warnings for this chapter: suggestive but no smut( in the next part), a lot of angst.

A/n: hey! So this is my first ever work, I was listening to this song (👇) , and got a lil inspired, I don’t know if this has been done before, and if so please tell me! I decided not to do this in one part just to see if I decide to make it happy or not, because I don’t quite know yet haha! English is not my first language!

Reminder: this doesn’t portray the members in real life at all.

You met this handsome and very sexy guy named Beomgyu through one of your friends, you two had clicked easily chatting over drinks. That talk didn’t last long, because that same night you met him , he ended up in your bed with you. You two decided to keep in contact, keeping the relationship strictly physical. For about 5 month you two would meet up frequently, up to three times a week usually. Sharing intimate moments , making each other feel good. But suddenly without a warning, Beomgyu stopped calling you. You were wondering why this was bothering you so much, trying pointlessly to push your now obvious feelings down. But you knew they were there. He only saw you as a friend with benefits so you couldn’t allow yourself to feel more. But you did. Wanting to call him so bad, but you just didn’t have the guts to, feeling too afraid of his answer. What if he was bored of you? What if he had got a girlfriend and didn’t want to ever hear about you again? What if he simply realised you caught feelings and didn’t want to keep this up? So much going through your head.

Watching through stories of friends you had in common you saw him act as he always did , smirking softly without a single worry behind his eyes , walking around as if he never cared in the first place.

But if you don’t call you’ll end up stuck with this heavy feeling ; were you imagining the way he treated you , was it all your personal feelings mixing it up , did he only just see you as a friend with benefits ? You won’t know if you don’t call

Everything’s been sitting in your mind for about 2 weeks now , and you think about all the sweet moments , how he’d let you think that there was more: the sweet after care , cleaning you up , putting you in his shirt and you falling asleep in his arms as he caresses your back. But waking up to the bittersweet loneliness , feeling no one in the bed next to you as he already left, making sure to leave you a sweet handwritten letter as he always does ; « hello beautiful, I hope you slept well, I had to leave early.. You were the best as always, I’ll send you a text love. Have a good day » with his signature heart at the end. This is what put the sweetness in the bitterness of him leaving, why was he always reassuring you? Why was he always so caring towards you ? You hated it but at the same time it was so so good, having someone care for you.

You barely even knew each other well, only ever meeting up to fuck and never to learn about one another , it was weird because no one knew your body as he did , but that was it. What was his last name again? His birthday? You couldn’t figure it out , all you really knew was his sounds, the way he would touch you and how he’d speak with his pretty eyes. In that way you knew him but then again, you didn’t. Even though you knew all of that, even though you knew it was all ephemeral, it still hurts you, watching him fade away from you more every minute that passes. It hurts you more than you’d like to admit.

At this point you were left only with anger. Wanting to hurt him as he’s hurting you , to remind him that he’s just a boy toy to you. It was all lies but it felt good to tell yourself this.

With him barely even in your life anymore, nothing changed. Weirdly enough everything was back to how it was, life went on as it used to. Just without your nighttime meetings. It was sad , it really was . But nothing really reminded you of his absence in your daily life, because he was just that much truly invested in it.

even then, beomgyu couldn’t get off your mind. He was just different. So you give into him , as you knew from the start you would’ve done. You call him up. Suddenly at the sound of his voice ; « Hi y/n » you find yourself getting teary eyed wondering how you could have gone so long without hearing from him. You ask him to come over , just to talk , and as you knew , he didn’t agree. Instead asking you to meet him at a restaurant.

You arrive at the restaurant, you don’t know why but you’re wearing your cutest dress , knowing how much he loves them, and his favorite set of underwear. You find him sitting at a table , eyes focused on his phone.

You don’t seem to realise that you’ve been standing there and staring a him for quite some time now because he’s also looking your way, waving at you to come. Which you do.

He looks at you up and down with a small smirk painted on his face. That gets you shy as you know this was all for him.

You sit and he finally speaks up ; «You look very pretty y/n , I like that dress »

You thank him and smile a bit trying to avoid his eyes on yours.

Eventually you’d have to talk about everything that’s been upsetting you , you know it , but you can’t bring yourself to actually do it. It’s such a fragile subject that you fear you might break down in tears if you even open your mouth thinking of it. Beomgyu pretty much figured it out, letting you take your time , talking about other things. And for the first time since you met him, you actually got to know him. He was beomgyu, Choi Beomgyu, born on the 13 of march 2001 and he was a Pisces ,he was a funny and annoying guy. He made you giggle a lot and smiled fondly watching you giggle. You were so afraid of what you were feeling, thinking that getting to know his smile , how his lips curved up, how his pearly white teeth showed, was the worst idea you had, falling even harder, getting to know this light side of him.

He still had seductive eyes ,looking at your cleavage subtly from time to time. Keeping eye contact when he complemented you, touching your face randomly , caressing your legs with his. All of this was leaving you in a mess mentally , wondering what the hell was happening ? How could he ignore you so easily for weeks and right when he sees you again he shows this soft personal side of him, being so touchy with you, what was up with him?

« So y/n why did you really call me up for in the first place? »

There it was.

You let out a big sigh already feeling the knot forming in your throat , with a troubled voice you reply ; « I’m so sorry Beomgyu I’m sorry , I just can’t… » you had to breathe before going on , he didn’t interrupt you , only caressing your hand softly with his thumb. «I just feel like I can’t talk about this in public, I’m sorry truly ». You looked down , thinking he’d be annoyed at you.

But then you see a hand coming to lift your chin ; « Hey, it’s fine y/n , we could go to my house instead of yours this time? »

To that you only nodded your head.

——————

« So tell me y/n, don’t be scared okay? It’ll be fine », you nodded again.

You were now both sitting next to each other on the couch but still facing each other.

« It’s just that, you’ve been.. like ignoring me for the past two weeks and more , not even thinking of me a tiny bit.. » there it was again that lump in your throat , you wanted to speak again, but the hot tears were already flowing down your cheeks; « I just.. I thought there was at least something between us? that you cared even a little like I did. You just lived your life as usual not giving a fuck about me… » you said , tears not stopping and hiccuping lowly in between sentences.

With fear filling your eyes because of the silence that filled the room, you looked up at Beomgyu his hands holding yours , he didn’t say anything, pity showing in his eyes. And you knew it , he wasn’t going to comfort you, because he simply didn’t feel the same. Realisation hit you hard.

You looked so pathetic crying on his couch about how you missed him.

You know you are . But you break down even more , this time hiccuping loudly, whining like a child, moving your hands from his to his shirt, holding it tight between your fist not wanting to let him go. Putting your body towards his , trying to feel the warmth that you can

; « please beomgyu, please don’t do this to me.. I need you… no one knows me deeply like you do. No one has the smile that you have . No one cares about me like you do » this made you cry more than you could , begging endlessly for him to stay.

Eventually his hands grabbed yours pulling them away from his shirt. Tears still filled your eyes and painted your face, struggling with shaky lips you looked at him in the eyes waiting for him to speak.

« Listen y/n , »

#beomgyu smut #txt smut #txt #beomgyu #angst #beomgyu angst #fwb au #hard hours #music #Spotify

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7habitsofhighlyeviceratedpeople · 11 months

Note

your post bashing the anon who requested mpreg feels a little bad… idk the gender(s) of that anon, but a lot of trans men and masc-presenting people love breeding and/or impregnation as kinks (and many opt for pregnancy irl quite seriously that’s unrelated to kink or fictional plots etc). just doesn’t sit well with me for you to judge that publicly in the way that you did. :(

of course you’re not obligated to write anything you don’t want to, but maybe don’t judge it so harshly like it’s some unheard of, crazy concept.

edit: real tldr it’s better lol. so sorry if it came off that way, i deleted the post if that helps bc i did actually get a dm from a mutual saying that it was actually them who sent it and i feel bad even tho they thought it was understandable bc they literally used such down bad language which idk j kinda made me giggle lolol i thought it would upset someone and i even asked in my discord if i should post it bc i didn’t wanna seem like i was “bashing” them bc i am obviously not i think you’re taking this a little too far. i am literally a trans male and i thought abt that while laughing abt this but i feel like it’s kinda obvious what i was laughing at that. there’s no like “just for friends” feature so i thought not tagging it and showing it was lighthearted and non judgmental/shaming was enough but ig not. i can post my own asks if they make me uncomfortable or laugh or whatever and i made it very obvious i wasn’t shaming and that the post was lighthearted

btw it literally was a screenshot that said “chat :/“ like the “chat is this real” meme bc i can’t stop saying that and then in parentheses a disclaimer abt how i am not shaming bc i think you’re allowed to be into whatever you want and i wouldnt have posted it if it wasn’t anon. sorry again if i offended anyone but i seriously think this isn’t a big deal and ppl need to lighten up a lil i’m not making fun of anyone or kink shaming i am laughing abt an ask IN MY OWN ASKS that someone decided to anonymously ask knowing it could be posted. mpreg is fine but i’m gonna have a lil laugh i’m sorry, the person who sent it isn’t offended and i apologized it offended anyone but i didn’t do shit wrong and i even asked for input in my discord if i should post bc i was scared i was being mean. literally was meant for like the 5 ppl who view my untagged posts i literally do not care what ppl are into and i am not “publicly bashing” anyone.

TLDR: og post was a lighthearted joke and an ask that made me giggle cause of the way it was written, clarified i wasn’t kink shaming and apologized twice in the post. asker is a moot and isn’t hurt and says they understand bc the way they typed it was kinda down bad lmfaoo (which was what i was laughing at) and i’m annoyed bc this person is taking this a little too far and acting like i’m being transphobic and kink shaming when they coulda j dmed me saying it hurt their feelings/has the potential to hurt feelings ! (which i knew and i felt bad typing it and that was very evident in the post but cmon man let me have a lil laugh)

#sorry if typos or grammar issues #i was j teasing cmon

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secretsofiety · 4 months

Text

When i was younger i would post a lot on social media. People always knew what i was up to cause it would be in my ig story, twitter, or facebook. I used to love dressing up and taking pictures and i honestly felt really validated by the likes and male attention i got. Now that im typing this, i remember being addicted to social media as far back as when MySpace was popping lmao. It makes me sick to my stomach and embarrassed when i think about how starved i was for people to see me and like me but im gonna be real😭

Anyways, when i was 18 and a senior i got a job that made everyone around me suck up to me and i loved that attention too lmaoo. Im not gonna say where i worked cause i wanna remain anonymous but just know that it was a cute lil job for someone my age. Especially since i was still in high school at the time. It was expected for employees to look nice so now i had a reason to dress up everyday and do my makeup. It’s so crazy because I have Rahu + Mars in Leo in the 6th house and the dispositor is Sun in Libra lol. It was a sales job (Mars rules competition) Rahu rules makeup, Leo energy is glamorous; and the 6th house relates to your work environment AND everyday routine idc what anyway says!

(It’s actually funny how i got that job. I was in there with my friends and decided to randomly ask one of the employees if they were hiring. She turned out to be the manager and she surprised me by asking me to do a mock sale with a shoe and after that i was hired! 10th ruled by Jupiter tings 💫 Now i wanna see what the transits were looking like on that day omg!)

So while at that job, i would post even more pictures and got validated even more on social media. I would also meet random guys who would come into the store just to talk to me. One guy ended up being the catalyst for why im even into astrology now by that’s a story for another day lmao.

I quit that job after a year and a few months later i ended up working another sales job in the same mall that was even more better than that the previous job. I ended up getting a call back literally as soon as i got back home from the interview (10th house Sag!). It was only for a season but it was another job that required me to look nice and i did! Still was posting and loving the attention.

Once that job was over, I went to college and was turnt the fuck up. That’s when I started to REALLY grow into my looks and was really feeling myself and posting online even more than before. I was also getting lots of attention in real life on campus so you know my ass was hype😂😂

But anyways, i said all this and still didn’t get to the point of why im posting. When you have Mercury in the 9th house there is no such thing as getting straight to the point lolol.

Ok, my point of this was to reflect on how when i was doing all of that posting online, girls wanted to be my friend and guys wanted to date(fuck) me. I’ve even had a girl inbox me saying something like “you’re pretty i want to be your friend.” It rubbed me the wrong way, only because i feel like she only said that because of what i was posting on social media and how she perceived my life to be. People i knew already, would always tell me that i looked like i was having fun and i was always going out so i could only imagine what the people who didn’t know me were thinking.

Idk, I saw a post on twitter that said it’s something weird behind a girl who tries too hard to be your friend and it made me think about all of this lmao. It made me think about how as a Pisces, whenever i tell people how i be getting depressed and sad sometimes, they always be surprised cause they think im a happy person who is always having fun. I stopped posting on social media so much when i realized how much people were perceiving me by what i posted. It didn’t feel good anymore. Cause even though i wanted validation from others, that’s not something i realized at the time. I thought i was just posting because i wanted to share my life and thought it was harmless. I didn’t know that people were coming up with their own ideas of me.

#Pisces #pisces rising #10th house Jupiter #6th house mars #mars in 6th house #mars in 6h #6h mars #10th house Sagittarius #10h Sagittarius #10h Jupiter #10th house ruled by Jupiter #rahu in Leo #mars in Leo #Leo mars #6h rahu #6th house rahu #rahu in 6h #rahu in 6th house

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