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angstyaches · 3 years

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Shayne and Charlie + 😴🧡🛁💜🌙

afternoon naps / back/shoulder rubs / hot bath/shower / bad day hugs & kisses / insomnia/nightmares

CW: nightmares, sleep-talking, repressed memories, trauma mention, drowning mention, near-death mention, demonic possession, panic attack (all of which make it sound dark AF but there’s cuteness in there too, I swear)

Shayne frowned as he started to wake up, opening his mouth as though he was about to say something. Answer something. But the words quickly retreated from his tongue as he opened his eyes and saw Charlie, face buried in the pillow as his hands clutched the duvet to his chest. There was a low whimpering sound, which might have been what made Shayne think he was mid-conversation.

“Charlie?”

Charlie tugged the duvet closer to his mouth and said something incomprehensible. Shayne felt a stab of pain under his ribs; Charlie hadn’t been able to sleep longer than a few hours the past couple of nights, and this nap was much-needed, but he also couldn’t bear to leave him suffering in whatever hell was currently occupying his head.

His hand was shaking as he sat up and brushed Charlie’s hair back from his forehead, finding it thick with sweat. Charlie whimpered again, this time in a lower tone, as though he was mimicking the register of someone else’s voice alongside his own.

“Stop,” Shayne whispered, though he had no idea where the word came from.

With a sharp inhale, Charlie opened his eyes. He stared vacantly once he met Shayne’s gaze, as though he didn’t recognise him for a moment.

Shayne’s heart sank. “Charlie? You okay?”

The fog of sleep quickly retreated, and Charlie’s pupils shrank in the fading afternoon sunlight. He let go of the duvet and brushed his fists over his eyes.

“What?” The single word seemed like a struggle to get out.

“Are you okay?”

Charlie must have caught the anxiety in Shayne’s voice, because he blinked and seemed to come around more quickly. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“I think you were talking in your sleep, or trying to,” Shayne told him. “Were you dreaming?”

“I don’t really remember,” Charlie admitted, sitting up now too. His hair had been flattened against the pillow, and the parts that still held up were pointing in every direction but the one he usually combed it into. He flinched and slipped a hand through the neckline of his own hoodie, reaching towards the opposite shoulder. “I’m sorry I made you worry about me.”

Shayne frowned as he let a hand follow Charlie’s. “What’s wrong with your shoulder?”

Charlie smiled weakly. “Probably just slept on it funny.”

“Idiot.” Shayne pressed lightly against the muscle, watching Charlie’s eyes flutter shut where he sat. “The nap was supposed to make you feel better, not put you in even more pain.”

“I know,” Charlie murmured, shifting his weight so he was facing the edge of the bed. “Can you go a little lower?”

Shayne’s arm was already catching on the neckline of Charlie’s hoodie. He tugged gently on the hood. “Not really.”

With a quiet grunt, Charlie began pulling off his hoodie. He paused for a second and considered taking his t-shirt off too, but decided against it. He groaned again when Shayne first applied pressure to the knotted muscle again.

“There?”

“Mmm.” Charlie nodded, folding his hoodie loosely in half and curling his fingers into it. It felt like the grip was keeping him here. As though it were an anchor, and not a piece of clothing. He let his eyes fall shut to the motion of Shayne’s fingers gliding back and forth, working out the tension under his skin. All too quickly, he had the sinking sensation of being pulled under and out of consciousness, and had to jerk his head back with a start.

“You okay? Did I hurt you?”

“No, the opposite. I think I was –” Charlie blinked and rubbed at his eyes as the room seemed to sway. “– falling asleep.”

Shayne sighed, brushing a hand over Charlie’s shoulder. “You want to try and sleep some more?”

“Maybe.” Charlie stifled a yawn and shook his head. “I think I want to have a shower first. See if that wakes me up.”

“Yeah, go sort that hair out,” Shayne quipped, though Charlie could tell his heart wasn’t in it. Before he could get up from the bed though, he felt Shayne put his arms around him from behind. Charlie’s stomach fluttered, and it felt like the most genuine sensation he’d had since waking up. He smiled over his shoulder as Shayne released him.

Charlie let the hot water run over his face before tilting his head to let it run through his hair. The weight of his head seemed impossibly heavy as it dampened, and although the water was cascading over his cheeks and dripping from his lips and his chin, it felt like it was running down inside him and gathering in his lungs.

His logical side knew this wasn’t actually happening, but there was also a part of him that was stuck in that plunge pool in the back of his mind, and that part was panicked and kicking and screaming and –

“Shit,” Charlie said to himself as his knees started to buckle. He lowered himself to the floor of the shower rather than waiting for himself to fall. His hands scrambled along the wall until he found the faucet and shut it off, arms trembling and eyes squeezed shut.

As though not being able to see the bathroom wall tiles would somehow block off the vision of the darkened cave too.

As though turning off the hot, clean shower head would make the hungry, dark water in his mind dry up too.

He alternated between holding his breath and sobbing drily as he found his way out of the shower and pulled a towel around himself, desperate to get the water off of his skin and out of his head. He pulled his pyjamas and hoodie back on in a rush, the fabric dampening next to his skin. He whimpered and pressed a hand against the wall, fingers slipping on the tiles. It felt like something had whacked him behind the knees and taken all the strength out of his legs. Every time he took a breath, it was like drawing water further and further into his body.

Charlie sank down against the wall, gripping his ankles and putting his head against his knees.

“Hey, Shayne?” he stammered, his voice echoing against the tiled floor. It sounded like he was in a cave. Or a deep hole. “Shayne?” he said again, relief trickling down through his chest when he heard footsteps coming to the door.

“What’s wrong?” Shayne pushed the door open and found Charlie curled up by the wall. “Fuck, what happened?”

“I-I can’t – I h-had – the dream, I had the dream again,” Charlie sighed, shoving his fingers into his hair and gripping at it.

Shayne sat down on the floor beside him, one knee raised and his arm draped over it. “That same one?”

“Yeah, the same one.” Charlie’s voice cracked as it did every time he had to speak about the memory, of the sensation of drowning over and over again. He loosened his hold on his head and looked up as Shayne from between his arms and knees. “It didn’t come back to me until I was – until the water hit me.”

“Fuck. Okay.” Shayne’s eyes flicked back and forth between Charlie’s. “I wish there was something I could do.”

Charlie shrugged slowly and looked down at the files between his bare feet. He wished that too, but didn’t want to make Shayne feel even more helpless.

“Charlie, you know I think you’re incredibly brave, don’t you?”

The same butterflies appeared in Charlie’s gut. He sniffled and wiped at his nose as water dripped from his hair down onto his face, then let his arms fall into his lap; they felt like jelly.

A second later, Shayne was pressing the towel to his head and gently rubbing it back and forth through his hair.

Charlie let out a small groan, like a child protesting at being fussed over, but couldn’t help breaking into a smile when Shayne let the towel fall over his face and sit there, obscuring his vision.

Charlie continued sitting with his hands in his lap, feeling sure that Shayne wouldn’t leave his face covered like this for too long, because although it was playful, the comedic effect wasn’t that good. Charlie eventually let out a nervous laugh, giving in and lifting his hands to tug the towel from his head himself.

As soon as his face was exposed, Shayne swooped in to kiss him on the lips, the motion so delicate and precise that Charlie forgot how to breathe for a reason completely unrelated to panic. Then Shayne pulled him into a hug and kissed him again; this one landed next to his ear.

“What am I getting kisses for?” Charlie asked breathlessly.

“I don’t know,” Shayne mumbled. “I just hate that you’re having a horrible time.”

Charlie sighed and leaned into the hug, unable to find the energy to hug back. “Shayne, I’m still so tired.”

“Well, you’ve barely slept.” Shayne pulled back to see Charlie’s face again. “Another nap, maybe?”

“I don’t know.” Charlie’s body was aching – practically trembling – for sleep while his mind resisted the idea that trying to sleep again would do any good. There were only so many times a boy could force himself into a failed attempt at resting.

“You can sleep on me.” Shayne smoothed a hand over his stomach, chasing away a crease in his jumper. “If you want. I know you like using me as a pillow.”

Charlie glanced away to stop his gaze from lingering towards Shayne’s belly. He pretended to scratch the side of his face as he felt a blush creeping up on him. “My hair’s gonna make your clothes wet.”

“Yeah, who cares?”

Charlie smiled through the shakiness in his body and his heart as he looked up at Shayne’s face again.

Shayne put out a hand and tilted his head in mock impatience. “Yes?”

“Yes,” Charlie nodded shyly, taking his hand.

#thank you Milo 🖤#drabbles #comfort prompts #comfort fic #hurt and comfort #nightmares #insomnia #panic attack #fluff #Charlie #Shayne #sickfic #whump fic #angst fic #oooh Charlie it looks like he's onto you #belly fiend #my OCs

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sunshinesukuna · 4 years

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crying in my prom dress (hc scenario)

🦉 pairing: bokuto koutaro x reader

🦉 genre: fluff, lil angst

🦉 tw: corona virus, light swearing

🦉 summary: you finally make good use of your unused prom dress with bokuto

🦉 inspiration: prom dress - mxmtoon

quarantining with bokuto wasn’t all that bad

if you learned to get past his salty pancakes and soggy cereal, maybe you would be treated with a mean scrambled egg

despite being inside all the time, bokuto found good ways to take advantage of his restlessness

one of them was surprisingly, dance

turns out he has skilled hips that can be used both in and outside of the bedroom

with a few tutorials from youtube, he was moving like had danced latin and ballroom his whole life

his favorite were the waltz and the chacha

this boy literally sAuNTeRs through the hallways repeating the step sequence

“a 1 and a 2 and a 3 4 5 6 boom, hiyaa! bang, bang pow!!!”

he rewatched ‘welcome to the ballroom’ three times already, you counted

you were just glad to watch whenever you could

but he did come to ask you to join him once in a while, which you declined.

you had duck feet and weren’t any good on a dance floor

now you were laying on his bed after a night shower, and scrolling through your phone

out of boredom, you decided to open Instagram

your phone brought you to look at your archived stories from the past

‘on this day last year’

you were dangling from bokuto’s neck in a long grey dress you remember you had bought for your junior prom last year

there was a big smile on both yours and bokuto’s faces as he held on to the ‘FUKURODANI’ balloons above

in the background, akaashi and the rest of the members of the volleyball team looked like they were having the time of their life partying

the bass of the music and the buzz of the night reverberated in your heart

you kinda missed it

wait... wasn’t the dress still lying around somewhere in your closet?

you hopped off the bed and started rummaging around in your wardrobe, before catching sight of the grey cloth you had worn on last year

let’s see if it still fit you

it was a little bit tight around your ribs, but other than that, it fit perfectly.

had the virus not struck at this time of the year, maybe you would be in the same place with bokuto, except this time it would be your last prom at fukurodani before you left to go off to college

you bit your lip

sure, it wasn’t your fault or anything, but more than anything, you just wanted to go back in time back to that moment

you were sure that you would forget it in the years to come, and you didn’t see any point in actually going

until bokuto asked you

that sealed the deal as one of the best nights you had in a long time

you really really missed it right now

still being in the dress you wore that night wasn’t helping

and the fact that you won’t be able to experience something like that again...

you looked down at the dress to notice something wet on it

took you a little while to realize you were sniffling a bit

you reached for the tissues on the nightstand at the same time the door to the bedroom opened

enter your lovable boyfriend, who walked out of the shower to see you crying on the floor in your old prom dress

emergency mode: ON!

he crouches down on the floor, not daring to look you in the eye in fear that he might start crying too.

so he settles on crouching behind you

“do you want to tell me what’s wrong, (y/n)?”

he gives you what he thinks are soothing massages

in reality, he’s just patting you on the back sloppily, but the gesture is enough to get the message across:

‘i’m here for you. i care for you’

it’s a primal instinct that makes you cry even harder.

you don’t really know what to say.

were you just going to blurt out: “i wanna go to prom and meet all of our friends again?”

that sounded too selfish

so you settle for burying your head in his open arms.

he’s just finished showering, and your tears and sweat are mixing together on his neck, but he would go through a thousand boiling hot showers if it meant you would just smile again.

he waits.

and waits.

and realizes what you have on.

kou has vivid flashbacks of last year like you too, but he takes to it a little better and realizes why you’ve been crying

“oh honey... you miss junior prom, don’t you?”

you nod

bokuto suddenly stands up and puts his hands on his hips

“that’s easy!” he declares. “why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

what was this boy planning to do?

he takes your hands in his, stars in his eyes as he cooks up an idea in his mind

“we’re going to have our own prom!”

and he leaves the room

now you are in your prom dress, eyes half swollen, confused af????

what is this boy playing at?

so you’re left for around fifteen minutes, and you don’t even have the energy to pick yourself up or do anything

wether from confusion or angst you don’t know

until he comes in weARING A FULL SUIT AND BOW

“LOOK! I EVEN FOUND A CORSET FROM THE BACK!”

“you mean corsage?”

“is that what they call it nowadays?” he shrugs

“turns out those flowers were fake anyways. at least they lasted this long. oh well.”

i mean

his hair is still a little wet, and the bow could have used some ironing but...

it was the same suit from junior year!!1111

the ruffles on the fabric were all still the same, and you could kind of make out the stains from the alcohol konoha sneaked out of his parent’s cellar

before you know it, this boy is pulling you up by your arms

he pins the corsage ever so gently onto your wrist

bokuto takes his phone out from the counter where he last left it

then proceeds to turn on some 50s or 60s shit, you don’t know

all you know is that there are trumpets playing all around the room, he’s smiling his ass off, and

maybe you start to smile too

he’s just so lively

the same ace that can so easily crush his opposing team’s hopes and dreams lifts yours up with the same ease

you don’t know when the tears dry up

maybe sometime during the dance off when bokuto found the soundtrack to pulp fiction

you know

the dance off

he does it so well too!

but the tears are now gone, wait, nope

they’re still there

you’re just not crying because you’re sad anymore

there’s a thumping in your chest, the same ones you had on the night of junior prom

and how the f this one guy can manage to recreate it with such short preparation is amazing

some tacky saxophone comes on

had you stumbled across this type of music in the car or in a rather calmer situation, you would have pressed play immediately

you don’t even care, because suddenly, bokuto’s arms are around your midriff, and you’re face to face with his wide chest

his bow was gone during all the partying you two had, but you couldn’t care less

the wooden floorboards stung your bare feet, a little, but you didn’t hae much time to dwell on that

bokuto started moving

he was dancing, you realized

the song was from one of the video clips he had learned from; the same on that the had repeated the most

the waltz

but unlike the professionals he had learned from, who walked with grace that spoke of hours and hours of practice

his walk almost whispered the raw amateurity of it all

is that even a word?

to do things just because you like it, no other strings attached

and you love it. you don’t even have the guts to pull back because he’s enjoying it, which automatically makes you want to enjoy it, and he’s enjoying it because you’re enjoying it, and

the cycle goes on

“did you have fun, (y/n)?”

bokuto’s panting a little, and so are you, but you manage a quick nod and nothing else

his heart rate is faster than usual as you lean on it and sway along with his guidance to the music

maybe quarantine prom wasn’t so bad after all

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you-did-well-moon · 4 years

Text

The Warmth Provided (1)

Type: fluff, angst, crack, college au, friends to lovers au

Word Count: 7,784

A/N: This was obviously just supposed to be a little imagine not more than 5k words, but it turned out to be three times as big. I really need to control myself as a writer from now on, and if you request anything from me don't expect it to be as big as this lol. This simply happened because I got the inspiration for it. Also im sorry but y/n real booboo the fool with this one. With that please enjoy and don't be afraid to talk to me.

TW: mentions of mental illness, mentions of infidelity, awkward situations, toxicity from Sungjin, footsie

Part 1| Part 2| Part 3

You groaned whining at Sungjin and tugging at the very warm looking hoodie he wore. He gave an exasperated sigh not daring to even look at you knowing he would give in to your stupid puppy eyes. He put his face in his hands letting out a grunt that could only mean he was giving in to your temptations. You persisted, now putting both hands on his hoodie clad arm and leaning your head on his shoulder. You really could be evil sometimes.

“Y/n please-”

“Come on Sungjinie i’ll give it back by the end of class”

“You said the same thing last time, and you ran out of class WITH my hoodie peaches”

“It was buy one taco get another one free day at the cafeteria…”

You innocently smiled at him as he whipped his head to look at you with furrowed eyebrows and his facial features scrunched up. “Free tacos are on fridays. It was monday” he scoffed, shaking his head as if not being able to believe the audacity you had asking for his hoodie. You slowly blinked your eyes at him. “Sungjin I don’t even remember what month it is, and you want me to know what day it is! Am i a joke to you? You know what, don’t answer that asshole”

You sucked in air through your teeth and leaned back in your seat not being able to believe you and one of your best friends were arguing right before class was going to start because he wouldn’t give you his dumb hoodie. You had forgotten your own because you had spent around half an hour trying to pick what cereal you wanted to eat, and by the time you put the last darn Cheerio in your mouth you had five minutes to run to the opposite side of campus.

You really didn’t get why the human resources building was on the opposite side of campus from your apartment. It was only a matter of time before you actually woke up in time for the class. It didn’t matter because upon arrival to your seat in one of the middle rows in between Sungjin and Dowoon, you found out the professor was late to his own class. Probably still trying to convince his wife to stay with him. Poor man really couldn’t catch a break with that witch.

Mornings were always cold, and the building was also freezing. That brought you here, begging your best friend to let you borrow his hoodie which had cheese stains around the edges of the sleeves and smelled like ramen.

You were desperate.

You grimaced, turning your head to look at the sleeping Dowoon. There was no way you were waking him up to ask for his hoodie. Last time you did that he swung at you with his backpack -which had at least five books the size of your arm in it. Sungjin banned him from playing games for a month as punishment, but it didn’t stop the pain you felt when doing literally any kind of movement. From that moment onwards, you swore never to even look at Dowoon when he was sleeping. You liked your ribs just how they were.

In tact, and not broken.

You shivered, hugging yourself and grimacing at the thousands of goosebumps littering the bare skin of your arms. The feeling from the cold metal of the chair through your thin shirt making you all the more uncomfortable.

You inhaled sharply as you shifted and cold air blew against the exposed parts of your body. “Sungjin please, i’ll make it up to you just please give me your hoodie” you pleaded exposing yourself more to the cold by taking your hands from your body and bringing them together in a begging motion.

Sungjin looked at your shaking figure, worry in his eyes upon noticing your lips turning a paler color than the normal rosy tint they usually had. He threw his head back before giving you a sharp look and smacking his lips.

“Last time you wore my hoodie, you almost got me in trouble, peaches. Everyone thought-” he cut off not being able to make eye contact with you. Your head tilted and you pursed your lips blankly staring at your best friend. You repeated the unfinished thought pushing him to continue while he shook his head pinching the bridge of his nose.

He didn’t even look at you, his tone on the borderline of hopelessness and defeat when he asked you “Y/n, do you know what it means when a person wears someone else’s hoodie or jacket?”

You looked around af if you could find the answer in the tired faces of the students surrounding you before looking back at his hunched over figure and slowly blinking before adamantly answering, “They’re cold”

At your answer, the sleeping figure of Dowoon slightly shifted as he snorted muttering something about how dumb you were before moving in search of a more comfortable sleeping position. You were just about to raise your hand to retaliate with a slap to his back, but Sungjin caught your attention by belting out a disbelieving laugh now looking at you with wide eyes and an unamused smile.

“They thought we were dating, as in romantically involved, as in an intimate relationship, as in doing more than ki-” Sungjin was now rambling voice getting higher with each word before you cut him off with a light hit to his arm feeling your body grow hot in embarrassment.

“I-I know what dating is Sungjin” You hissed hands clenching around the arms of your chair and feeling your chest cave in as you gasped laughing it off awkwardly. “Come on Sungjin, let’s act like the adults that we are. We know we aren’t dating, and since when have you cared about what people think?” you searched his face looking for the answer in the hesitant shadows of his face.

“I don't,” he answered bitterly.

“Then what’s your problem?” You leaned in left speechless at the unexpected behavior of your friend. You felt like the whole situation was getting too serious over a stupid hoodie, so you tried easing the tension by joking around. “Would I be that bad to date?”

You immediately shrunk back giggling when Sungjin lifted his head from his hands for a little bit to glare at you nostrils flaring before shoving his face back into his hands.

“That’s not it and you know it,” he gritted out. Sungjin truly didn’t mean to get grumpy with you, he was having an internal conflict. Whether to tell you his friend’s secret, or to keep it to himself and not interfere. You were left to stare at him wondering if you should leave him alone for the rest of class while Sungjin went through a flashback that had put him on edge around you.

-2 days ago-

Sungjin groaned, shoving his face deeper into the soft fabric of his pillow and stretching his arm out to the nightstand next to his bed, hand fumbling around for the blaring alarm clock. He grumbled, lifting his head to groggily glare at the numbers displayed on the clock.

7:26

He had 34 minutes to get to his 8 am psychology class. He tiredly exhaled sitting up in his bed and rubbing his bleary eyes. He took a quick shower hoping it would wake him up, but the haziness of sleep still drifted around the corners of his mind. He could barely keep his eyes open as he brushed his teeth.

He threw the first thing he could find from his dresser figuring he could come back to change if he had any change to plans which right now was absolutely nothing. Sometimes he wondered why he had decided to be in a frat, he wasn’t the most social or the most popular, and he didn’t particularly like going to parties- but, he had met some people he could never dream of living without.

Like Dowoon, who he had to push off the bed with a promise that he could sleep in class later. He sighed watching the poor boy stumble as he tugged on a pair of jeans letting out a sigh of relief when he fell back on the bed.

Sungjin couldn’t help but smile. Even with all the people he had met because of the frat, Dowoom and you would be the closest friends he had in this stressful place. You guys were the foundation of everything he had ever found important. The people who guided him when he was lost, and he would be damned if he ever let his friendship with the both of you go.

He mindlessly grabbed his ramen smelling hoodie thinking you could use it if you forgot your own like you did every other day, or Dowoon could use it as a pillow if he was particularly tired like he was...every other day. Sungjin swore that kid had to stop taking the bus to random places late at night. It was a wonder how he hadn’t accidentally ended up in another city with his nightly escapades.

He was thinking about whether he would risk eating or not as he jogged down the stairs to get to the kitchen when he heard your name. He narrowed his eyes stopping right at the last step of the stairs thinking he was mishearing things. Wait- there it was again. Your name. His precious friend’s name.

Sungjin shrugged it off thinking they meant another Y/n, but he was quickly corrected when he heard your last name too.

His jaw ticked and his mouth suddenly felt dry as he wondered what you could have possibly done to have frat boys talking about you. He paused just right outside the kitchen wanting to hear just what they could have been talking about to be bringing you into the conversation.

“How would I know if the girl is single? I didn’t even know she existed before Jae mentioned her”

He heard the person scoff as confusion made Sungjin’s eyebrows tug together. You? In a relationship? You hadn’t had a boyfriend since high school, who he had to stop himself from pummeling into the ground when he cheated on you and had continuously tried getting you back. Sungjin swore you had the worst luck when it came to relationships.

Not only had you had a bad experience with one, but you were too naive when it came to people actually liking you. He had lost count of all the disappointed faces he had seen of people who had asked you out only for you to respond with one of your bright smiles along with something along the lines of “Sure, I would love to be your friend”.

He shivered wincing at the sole memory of some of them. He had never said anything because you had never mentioned liking them, and you told him everything. He really wished he could forget about the fact you sold Dowoon’s game controller in order to buy a Cheeto the shape of a heart which you then proceeded to eat without any regrets.

“Well then what are we supposed to do? Go up to the girl and say “Hey, you don’t know who the hell we are, but we would like to know about your relationship status because you don’t have a Facebook we can stalk to see whether your love life is existent or not”, Sungjin peeked around the edge of the doorway seeing two figures sitting at the kitchen island having breakfast, and the person talking was animatedly waving his hands around.

“We desperately need to know because our friend Jae is about to be strangled since he won’t stop writing stupid sappy love songs about you” Younghyung do you even know how crazy we seem right now. We are quite possibly the worst wingmen in the history of wingmen” He now recognized the voice as Kim Wonpil’s voice, and at the same time Sungjin felt his heart claw up his throat as he slightly stumbled back in surprise.

Jae Park. One of the other members of the frat. And the boy you had been crushing on for two years. Also one of his closest friends not including you and Dowoon. Sungjin suddenly wished he had just stayed in bed today. Jae was one of the most popular guys on campus. Not because he slept around or anything, but because he was actually a friendly person. He got along with everyone, and he was basically friends with everyone.

Jae had helped Sungjin out of some tough spots before, even invited him out to hang out when you and Dowoon were busy doing who knows what. Jae’s closest friends were Kim Wonpil and Kang Younghyun. Sungjin had talked to those two before, but not enough to go up to them and randomly start up conversations with them.

He still remembered the day you had excitedly come up to him squealing about how the Jae Park was in your sociology class. Eyes shining and giggles erupting out of your mouth every five seconds. He really couldn’t stand you that day. Sungjin felt something stir in his chest, but he couldn't really tell what it was. He shook it off stiffly walking into the kitchen with his heart pounding in his ears.

Sungjin had felt awkward almost all his life, but he was sure nothing could top the sudden tension he felt in his body when the boy’s conversation came to a sudden halt at his appearance. He kept his back to them rolling his shoulders and trying to distract himself from the eyes boring into his back. He grabbed the cereal box turning around to get a bowl catching the two boys wildy gesturing at each other with wide eyes before immediately stopping once they noticed he could see them.

He kept his gaze directly directed at his cereal hoping whoever was listening they wouldn’t talk to him.

“Hey, Sungjin?’

He always thought there’d be a day where he’d drown in his cereal. Maybe today was that day. He paused a bit before grunting in reply looking up to see it had been Younghyun who had spoken and Wonpil who was darting his gaze everywhere but Sungjin’s eyes.

“You know Y/n L/n?” Younghyun again spoke leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms.

Sungjin knew he was playing dumb. Everybody knew you and Sungjin were practically glued at the hip. Wherever one of you was, the other could probably be found close by.

He put down the cereal with a sigh, tilting his head at them as he braced himself against the kitchen island with both arms.

“I would hope so. I’ve known her since I was seven years old, and I see her almost everyday” He smiled at them mirthfully feeling an inkling of possessiveness sprout in the confines of his chest. Once again, Sungjin shook it off as protectiveness he felt for you as a little sister.

Younghyun opened and closed his mouth as if not knowing how to respond to Sungjin’s answer. He finally cleared his throat seemingly still finding his voice until Wonpil’s panicked and rushed voice cut him off.

“Are you and Y/n seeing each other?” Wompil immediately clasped his hand to his mouth shaking his head wildy and mumbling warbled apologies while Younghyun slapped the loud mouth upside the head.

Sungjin took a shaky breath in suddenly feeling dizzy as he swayed lightly. His voice was disbelieving when he was able to sputter out his reply.

“W-what makes you think Y/n and I are anything more than friends” his eyes flitted between Wonpil and Younghyun left at a loss for words.

Sure, he and you were inseparable, always going everywhere and anywhere together, but not once had you ever shown signs of being more than friends. Never looking longingly or lovingly at each other, never kissing, never holding hands for more than a minute (in his defense he didn’t want to lose you in the crowd), never proclaiming your love for one another. You guys had never done anything that would suggest anything more than a friendly relationship.

The two boys in front of you looked at each other then at the speechless figure of Sungjin harshly whispering before Wonpil finally made eye contact with Sungjin nervously tapping his finger on the kitchen islan. Pursing his lips he seemed to be choosing his words carefully.

“It’s just that, Jinyoung said he saw Y/n wearing your hoodie. The one you have right now, and you know um people wear each other’s clothes when they’re together, so we just assumed there was something between you guys. We’re sorry Sungjin, we really didn’t mean to jump to conclusions bud”

Sungjin’s eyes drifted down to the hoodie in his hands. The very one he always let you borrow simply because you got cold, and he bought it to class for that exact reason. He was just trying to take care of you, and somehow that had gotten mistaken as anything but friendly intentions. He knew you really liked Jae, but at the same time Sungjin was scared.

He was scared you would leave him behind once you began dating Jae. You almost did when your dumb high school boyfriend told you he didn’t like you being so close to a boy, and he threatened to break up with you if you didn’t distance yourself from Sungjin, your bestfriend. He was terrified of it happening for real this time.

You would have no time for him because you were too busy with Jae, and he would be forgotten by the one person he could always count on. He would lose the smile and laughter of the one person who had always been there for him, but who was he to cling on to you when you could be happier without him. Sungjin felt like he was going to throw up. He was so sure you would leave him behind to rot, you wouldn’t need him anymore.

You wouldn’t need someone to bring a hoodie for you in case you forgot. You wouldn’t need someone to help you fix your bike after you crashed it from getting distracted while riding it. You wouldn’t need someone to patch you up and take away the pain after said bike crash. You wouldn’t need anyone to wipe away your tears when the demons in your head got particularly demanding. You wouldn’t need sungjin anymore because you would have Jae. Sungjin felt like he was getting strangled. He couldn’t breathe past the lump of dread that had formed in his drying throat.

He could not bear to lose the one person that had been by his side through the brightest and cloudiest days. He could not possibly lose the one person that had been by his side through all the ups and downs of life. He could not lose you. Not his peaches with your soft exterior but strong interior.

He felt his body go numb with the immense sadness that tore through his chest, and he began feeling his eyes tear up.

Would he be selfish at the expense of your happiness?

He felt his chest heave as he let out a heavy exhale closing his eyes at the ache beginning to probe at his temples. He shook his head once looking back at the pair who were staring at him with hunched shoulders, both regretting the fact they had even bought it up to him seeing his inner turmoil.

“Does Jae think so too?” his voice was as monotone as he’d ever heard it. Wonpil simply nodded chewing at his lips nervously.

Sungjin shoved the cereal box back into the cupboard not bothering to look at the boys mumbling a low “I need to get to class” as he walked away shaking hands clutching the hoodie to his chest not seeing the worried look the boys gave each other.

-Back to present-

Sungjin groaned feeling like he was about to pass out with all the mixed emotions coursing through his body right now. He decided for now, he would not tell you of Jae’s returned feelings towards you ignoring the guilt clenching around his heart by deciding it was not his place to say what Jae felt.

He quickly slipped his body out the hoodie throwing it at you and grumbling that you better return it to by the end of class. You laughed happily snuggling into the warmth of the hoodie but looking skeptically at Sungjin who had decided to distract himself by scrolling through his phone. You knew when your best friend was hiding something, and right now your best friend was certainly not telling you something.

You felt a bit hurt that even after all these years of building each other up, he couldn’t confide in you when there was something that was bothering him, but you shrugged it off figuring he would tell you when he was ready and you didn’t want to push him. You wondered why he was asking for it by the end of class since he always let you keep it until the end of the day. You once again shook it off figuring he probably got cold too.

You did not give it back by the end of class. You ran out of class. With the hoodie.

By the time Sungjin noticed you were gone with the hoodie still on your body, you were out the human resources building on your way to the student common area where the cafeteria was. Sungjin cursed your black hole of a stomach while Dowoon cackled claiming he deserved it for letting you sell his game controller.

You excitedly ran into the cafeteria stomach growling because let’s be real, cereal was not enough to sustain a growing girl such as yourself. You were instantly met with the smell of different kinds of foods from the variety of restaurants your university cafeteria had. Your eyes hungrily scanned the restaurants lining the room before deciding you could really go for a Subway right now. You were walking out of the little restaurant with the sandwich in your hands when you heard a voice call your name.

You let out a small confused “Huh” in response to the calling of your name spinning around searching the faces of the students peacefully eating and laughing together not being able to find the caller of your name.

Your vision went black as hands suddenly covered your eyes and a chest pressed up against your back. You jumped scared by the sudden greeting gasping in surprise.

“Hey!”, you yelped out.

Your own hands went up to the culprit’s wrists gently moving them down. You tilted your head back being met with a bright smile and a soft laugh that rang in your ears and made your chest fill with warmth. You instantly spun around face to face with your crush of two years.

He was your crush, but he had also become a close friend since the day you had coincidentally sat next to him on the first day of your sociology class not paying attention to who you were sitting next to and just walking to one of the front rows, sure you wouldn’t know anyone in the class.

He whispered your name asking to borrow a pencil and you spent around one minute staring at him like an idiot before fumbling inside your bag for a pencil and giving it to him clumsily. He had chuckled lowly muttering a “cute” under his breath which you were sure you weren’t meant to hear but you had become very attentive to him now knowing he was the one you were sitting next to and stunned by the fact he even knew your name.

You tried ignoring he was sitting next to you, but he moved around so much you wondered if he had to go to the restroom. He eventually noticed your staring simply telling you he had become restless since he had gotten sudden motivation for a song. You were impressed and intrigued by the prospect of him being a songwriter wondering what kind of words he brought to life with different melodies and harmonies.

You sneakily smiled at him, eyes flickering to the professor not far from where you were sitting before sliding your books in front of the notes he had put no effort into and giving him a sly wink giggling.

“I’ll cover for you”, you whispered.

He gave you a look that made a warm tingle run all over your body, eyes softening at you and cheekily winking back.

“I won’t forget your noble sacrifice” he immediately flipped to a new page of his notebook borrowed pencil quickly scribbling across the page.

You had to stop yourself from squealing as you subtly sank in your chair, the corner of your lips twitching as you tried to stop yourself from smiling at seemingly nothing. Sticking your nose into your own notebook and actually writing notes in order to distract yourself from looking at Jae who was now in his own world. Not failing the class was a bonus.

You were so into forcing yourself to pay attention to the monotone professor you didn’t notice Jae’s gaze coming back to your figure every so often taking note of all your features that made his heart beat faster and his head spin.

Ever since that day, you two became close, occasionally getting together outside of class when one of you finally mustered up the courage to plan said get together. It was usually to see a movie where you guys occasionally brushed each other’s hands while trying to get one of the snacks you had bought.

After the movie, it was tradition to go to the noodle place next to the bookstore at the end of the street where you laughed and joked around together. You had never told anyone of these times holding the memories as too precious and personal to share, scared that if you spoke of them they would disappear. You had even refused to hang out with Sungjin telling him you had to study which you felt a little guilty about, but spending a little less time with him wouldn’t hurt right?

Your eyes widened as you pouted at him. “Jae, you can’t just do that to a person, I almost dropped my lunch and I would have made you pay for another one you ingrate” You were once again met with the same laugh as before, except louder this time. The one that instantly made you smile back at him, heart skipping beats periodically. The laugh that made the colors around you suddenly dance with a vibrancy that beautifully spun and twirled making you so wonderfully dizzy.

“I’m a college student Y/n I can barely afford my own food. Do you want me to starve?” His eyes crinkled behind the glasses sitting on his narrow nose making your world spin just a bit faster on the axis of what could only be his smile. “Evil, pure evil.” he shook his head scrunching up his nose as if disappointed in you.

You put your hands on your hips looking offended and tutting. “You’re the one that wants to make me starve. I haven’t eaten in one hour. That’s too long Jae!” he chuckled playfully, narrowing his eyes at you.

“Stop being dramatic and come eat with me loser. I mean uh, if you want to of course. Do you?” he gave you a nervous smile lightly tugging at a strand of your chair before shifting his feet and tugging at his jacket.

You tilted your head as if seriously thinking, looking at his smile slowly falling making your own heart sink being the cause of making something so lovely die. You teasingly reached up to push his glasses back up his nose, finger accidentally gracing the corner of his mouth. Softly laughing you walked by him and gently bumped his shoulder with yours.

“Maybe another day,” you snickered. He instantly played into your joke once again laughing. He did a lot of that. Laugh. Never ashamed to show how happy he was. You on the other hand, had to hide how happy his own happiness made you.

“Walk away from me young lady and I will never let you eat my Starbursts again nerd” he threatened with a small smile playing on his lips. You couldn’t the light laugh that bubbled up from your chest turning around and putting your hands up in mock surrender. Jae’s chest filled with warm tingles like it did every time he made you laugh.

“You monster. You can’t just deprive me of Starbursts. They get me through the horror movies you always pick! I’ll sit with you, for the Starbursts.” Your determined tone and furrowed eyebrows made Jae breathlessly laugh as he walked closer to you hand reaching out towards your frozen figure.

Your heart palpitated as you tried to calm your breathing, but one of his hands took a hold of your hand running up your arm until it located itself on your shoulder, tugging you into his body and making him able to throw an arm around your shoulder.

Your skin burned wherever his warm touch lingered, and your face felt hot. You once again had to take a deep breath to calm yourself from the wondrous euphoria you felt just by being by Jae. He began walking bringing your flustered self along with him. You were so caught up in trying to make sure you didn’t trip, you didn’t notice Jae’s own cheeks tinting with pink or his shaking hand hanging off your shoulder.

He led you over to a table near the windows where two figures were hunched over and inhaling their food, talking to each other every few seconds. You recognized them as Jae’s two closest friends, Wonpil and Younghyun. You had never met them which caused you to dig your heels into the ground effectively stopping both you and Jae.

“Don’t worry they’re nice. As long as i'm here, they won’t do anything. I won’t let them” he had ducked down too whisper into your ear warm breath hitting the shell of your ear. You hesitantly nodded continuing to walk while Jae tightened his arm around your shoulders and brought you closer into his left side making the whole right side of your body burn at the wake of his touch.

Different from his earlier tone he cheerfully called out for the two who didn;t look up from their food.

“Jae you’re usually the first one at the table what took you so long. Wait don’t tell me, busy staring at-'' Younghyun had begun speaking taunting Jae and still not looking up until he was cut off by a shove from Wonpil who had raised his gaze to greet Jae only to be surprised with you basically tucked into his friend’s body. You curiously looked up at Jae wondering what so often caught his attention so much his friends teased him who only shrugged mouthing a “he’s crazy” and looking in Younghyun’s direction.

Jae cleared his voice but you poked him purposefully looking at him and muttering, “I can speak for myself” You turned to the pair who were both kindly smiling at you waving awkwardly at them. “Uh hi, my name is Y/n”

Wonpil smiled sweetly at you putting his chin on his hand and glancing at Jae. “We know”. You stared at him, mouth falling open and uttering a confused “Huh?” You were so focused on staring questionly at Wonpil to notice Jae mouthing threatening words at his friends. Younghyun cut him with a stiff laugh “Sungjin talks about you a lot”.

You instantly bought it smiling at the thought of your friend. You had forgotten these boys were a part of the frat he had recently joined. Wonpil seemed to fall out of whatever stupor he had fallen in stupidly smiling in Jae’s direction jumping up to offer you a handshake and introducing himself which you instantly took hoping your palms weren’t sweaty from nervousness. Younghyun followed in Wonpil’s lead, just a little more relaxed and laid back than the jumpy and energetic Wonpil.

Jae’s hands ushered you to sit down while he sat opposite the seat he had pushed you into next to his friends, making Wonpil’s small form get squished between Jae and Younghyun. You smiled softly at the sight getting reminded by your own little trio of you, Sungjin, and Dowoon. You started unwrapping your sandwich as you answered basic questions from Jae’s friends like what your major was and what flavor of ice cream you preferred.

You found yourself being able to fall into a steady rhythm of laughing and talking with the three boys in front of you getting comfortable enough to relax and talk with ease growing confident with the little group. You were answering Wonpil’s question about the tattoo just behind your right ear when you saw his gaze fall to your clothes, his mouth fell open a little as he struggled to focus on your answer too focused on the hoodie enveloping your form.

His shoulders slightly slumped as he nudged Younghyun muttering to him that you had the hoodie on. You were completely enraptured in the conversation Jae had pulled you into, so Younghyun had to clear his throat to catch your attention. His mouth was tugged into a calm smile, but his gaze was sharp making your stomach quiver with a sudden bundle of nerves.

“The hoodie is nice” he gestured cooly to the hoodie keeping you warm “Where did you get it from” the question seemed to carry double meaning. You saw Jae eyes widen, filling with an emotion you couldn’t quite place, body stiffening in his seat. You suddenly remembered what the one rule Sungjin had given you when throwing the clothing at you, and you had run right out of class breaking the one damn rule he had given you.

You groaned burying your head in your arms while tugging at the fabric that was Sungjin’s hoodie as if it would magically disappear from your body into Sungjin’s hands. You chewed at your lip looking at the boys in front of you, bitten lips now formed into a pout.

“I’m not even supposed to have this. I should have given it to him by the end of class, but it was so cold and Sungjin always gives me his hoodie when I forget mine.” You ran your hands through your hair already practicing what you’d say to him, but you knew the outcome was all the same. He was probably going to give you the scolding of your life. You really didn’t understand why he cared if other people thought you were dating. He had never cared about it before.

People had even confused you as a couple before, and he had always shrugged it off forgetting about it as soon as it happened. “Ugh, he’s going to kill me. If you don’t see me tomorrow Sungjin did it” i said sadly.

Jae wasn’t saying anything finding more interest in the table than the conversation you were currently having with his friends. You wondered what was up with him since he was always more than eager to join in on the conversation, but you coined it off as him being lost in thought.

The sharp look in Younghyun’s eyes remained and he didn’t laugh like most people would at the relationship between you and the other male. Wonpil simply sank in his seat leaning a little closer to Jae. You were beginning to feel anxious left foot tapping across the floor getting ready to bolt any second. Your mouth felt dry and it hurt to swallow the bite of sandwich you had just put in your mouth.

Younghyun finally looked away from you staring out the window next to the table and fiddling with the spoon on his table. “You and Sungjin seem close” his jaw was tight and tone uninterested but you felt like your answer held the weight of the world in it. You chose to stay calm ignoring the voices in your head telling you to run away as fast as you could. The food in your stomach felt heavy and you fought the urge to throw up.

You smiled softly at them. “Of course we are, he’s one of the most important people in my life'' You saw Jae close his eyes as if he had just been punched in the gut, and you saw Younghyun’s hand clenched into a fist knuckles turning white but you kept going, keeping your voice light and soft. “He’s been my best friend since I can remember” you added on taking the hoodie off and instantly wincing and getting attacked by the cold air circulating the cafeteria.

You shivered really hating yourself for forgetting your jacket. Everybody seemed to ease up, so you figured your answer had been the right one. What exactly deemed it as right you still weren’t sure. Younghyun leaned back in his seat, his sharp gaze gone, and the humorous glint in his eyes back. Wonpil put his elbows on the table leaning closer to you and once again asking you another question while Jae seemed to spring back to life also joining in on the conversation with the bright smile back on his face and his eyes getting their shine back.

You couldn’t help but feel a light tingle prick at the back of your neck at seeing Jae happy and himself again. Your lips tugged into a small satisfied smile, and while talking with them you would continuously look at Jae who you caught staring every time then bashfully look back at Wonpil not being able to bear the thought of Jae looking at you and only you.

Jae never looked away from you. Not even when you caught him in the act simply chuckling when you smiled nervously and looked at his friend. You were both so caught up in each other you didn’t see Wonpil wiggling his eyebrows at Younghyun who rolled his eyes but smiled happily nonetheless.

A little tension left your body because the air around the four of you had immensely calmed down, but the cold was now once again seeping into your skin, chilling you to the bones.You gave the boys an uncomfortable smile as you began to shiver. Wonpil and Younghyun smiled at you sympathetically while Jae got an unsure look on his face, lips pursing and eyebrows furrowing. He looked worriedly at you, a silent question in his eyes.

“You okay?” You beamed at him assuring him, but your body was still shaking. He set his shoulders back keeping eye contact with you while getting up and pulling his jacket off his body. He shook his head “Tsk tsk Y/n, what would you possibly do without me?” You felt your face grow hot trying your hardest to ignore the sliver of skin exposed by his shirt riding up when he took off the article of clothing.

His hair was ruffled and his glasses were askew and barely held up by the bridge of his nose, but the only thing you could focus on was the arm extended towards you holding the blue jean jacket being offered to you. Your breath was caught in your throat, and you stood there frozen staring at the jean jacket. You couldn’t even feel the chilly air of the cafeteria anymore. Not when the warmth caused by Jae’s offer was enough to sink into the deepest confines of your chest, settling there giving you an odd sense of comfort making your heart hum happily.

Both you and Jae did not see Wonpil and Younghyun looking at each other with goofy grins before leaving both of you heading towards their next classes.

The hand holding the sweater shook once. “We don’t have all day here loser. My noodle arm really can’t hold this jacket forever. I skipped arm day last week” you held your hand out placing it on the jacket, but you still didn’t take the jacket swallowing harshly and clearing your throat. You looked at Jae beneath your eyelashes blinking slowly at him ,heart pounding against your rib cage. At that moment, nobody but you and Jae existed.

“Are you sure?” your unsure question made Jae roll his eyes, his next actions happening so fast you had no time to properly react. He grasped your wrist from the hand placed on his jacket still in his hand drawing your body towards his with so much force your hips briefly bumped against his. He let go of your wrist instead grabbing his jacket with both hands, and you were forced to put your hand on his shoulder to stop yourself from actually crashing into him.

His arms went around you putting his jacket around your head in order to hang the jacket on your shoulders making sure it covered you enough so the cold wouldn’t bother you anymore. You were pretty sure the whole cafeteria could hear how loud and fast your heart was beating. You couldn’t think straight. The only thing you could even process was Jae’s hands still on the lapel of the jacket, barely brushing the part of your stomach above your belly button.

You seemed to get a control of your body as you looked up at him with wide eyes getting met with his face closer than it had ever been, the lightest flush on his cheek bones and lips slightly parted. You could see your hand trembling with pure adrenaline as the hand that wasn’t on his shoulder reached up to fix his tilted glasses and messy hair. The hand on his shoulder was close enough to his chest to feel the slight drum of his heart unusually fast for someone who was basically standing still.

You really weren’t sure why you were surprised. Jae had always gone out of his for you. Always done little things to take care of you in his own little way. Holding your hand when the professor handed back assignments rubbing your knuckles with his thumb reassuringly, playing his guitar when you were in a sad mood at the park you sometimes visited after coming back from the noodle place, gently brushing your hair away from your face when it fell on your face while writing notes, or crushing you in a hug when you didn’t get the grade you wanted hand gently holding you against him.

He always joined in on your childish behavior by pushing you on the swing or going down the slide with you at the park, always bringing you your favorite snacks from the convenience store he walked by on the way to class knowing fully well you sometimes forgot to eat, or even letting you spill your tears to him on days you just didn’t feel good.

He had always stuck by your side. During both good days and bad days even managing to make the bad days good days just by being there with you making it his mission to make you smile. All this made you come to a realization. Sure, maybe what you had for him before was nothing but a silly crush, but now as you got to know him more and become someone he confided in, the feelings you got around him were crystal clear.

You were in love with Jaehyung Park, and now that you knew what you were feeling, you wanted to scream it to the whole world. What you were feeling was something so beautiful and precious that people only dreamed to experience. You weren’t sure if the vile world would ever allow you to feel this ethereal emotion ever again, and as you looked up at the man your heart had so harshly and deeply fallen for, you were terrified. You didn’t want to ruin what you had.

You wanted to stay like this, blissfully unaware of each other's true feelings for one another. Even if your body and heart longed to be close to him, to touch him, feel him, and know every crevice and inch of him, you counted yourself lucky to be able to be close to him like this, where your probably unreturned feelings didn’t make anything awkward or burdensome for anyone.

You felt a little prick at your eye cursing yourself for wanting to cry, but you managed a small smile in Jae’s direction taking a step away from him and suggesting you sit back down since you both still had time before you had to go to class. He sat on the opposite side of the table as you, gaze not straying away from you.

You took a deep breath feeling tingles running along your spine since the air between you both had become tense filled with something you couldn’t identify. You both remained silent sitting there. You became fidgety, stretching your legs in front of you only for your right leg to gently bump against what you assumed to be the pole supporting and holding the table up. You were staring outside watching all the students pass by happily ignorant to the slight change in relationship between the two friends sitting across each other sitting in silence.

You absentmindedly started running your leg up and down the pole under the table when you heard a weird sputtering sound much alike to choking from a foot away from you. You turned away from the window looking at the man across from you only to flinch back in surprise with the sight you were met with.

Jae was staring at you with wide panicked eyes, and his shaking arm held up to his face, but even with the arm you could see the red tinting his chest, neck, face, and ears. His chest was heaving and you could see his whole body trembling. You instantly grew worried all focus going to Jae assuming there was something seriously wrong with him. The table wasn’t that wide which allowed you to lean closer to his body holding your palm to his forehead feeling it was abnormally hot. You anxiously tapped your foot against the pole supporting the table. “Jae are you okay?” you heard him gasp out an answer not being able to understand at all when you felt the pole under the table slightly move against your leg.

Wait, poles can’t move.

72 notes · View notes

fortheloveoffanfic · 4 years

Text

Put Me In a Movie

Keanu Reeves x Reader (A/n- Everyone, me included, has been wondering how the morning after was gonna go, and, well, here it is. Obviously, I had to make it awkward af. Also, please don’t hate the reader, she’s trying her best, kind of.)

Summary Prologue 1 2

Warning- the slightest hint of NSFW, Angst.

Chapter 3- Back to Normal, Sort of

When Y/n awoke the next morning, there was throbbing in her head and a soreness between her legs. Groggily, her eyes split open, only for her to shut them after the first traces of light slipped past her lashes. Gasping, she quickly realized that there was someone sleeping behind her, his arm curled over the dip of a waist. It was alarming because she hadn’t remembered Luke coming to Chicago. In fact, he wasn’t due to finish the shoot until the next week.

Then when her eyes snapped open again, it hit her. That wasn’t even her hotel room, unless of course, she’d started wearing worn brown boots and over sized t-shirts from a Los Angeles based motorcycle company.

She didn’t

But Keanu did,

“Fuck!” Y/n hissed, realizing what she’d- or rather, what they’d done. That was hardly just her fault. It took two to cheat, right?

For a minute, Y/n pondered on the best course of action. Waking him would warrant a ‘morning after’ conversation, slipping out would do the same, though, possibly after she’d brushed her teeth and made herself more presentable. That was the one she should go with.

Y/n tried to slink out of his warm embrace, knowing she’d miss it when it was gone but also knowing that she shouldn’t have been in it in the first place. For the briefest of moments, she thought she had it, though, when Keanu stirred, groaning at the bright sunlight that washed the room, Y/n cringed at her lack of stealth. At least she now knew where she stood on the matter of one night stands.

“Sorry,” she whispered, not really sure who’s favor her softness was in.

It was decided then and there; she never wanted to see alcohol again.

What a bold faced lie!

She need a drink just to get through that conversation.

Keanu swallowed thickly and Y/n turned against him, trying not to smile at how attractively disheveled he looked; raven mane a mess, yellow rays accentuating the salt of his beard and the laugh lines that had started to come in on telling spots on his face. For the first time since they’d met, Y/n noticed that Keanu had freckles too, right round his nose, peppering his skin. “It’s okay,” he moistened his lips and seemed to be taking stock of the situation.

Y/n was vaguely aware of his morning wood pressing into her thigh, and it was enough to remind her that just the night before, Keanu had managed to stretch her far more than Luke ever had. “This is.....”

Keanu cleared his throat, returning to the seriousness that had been absent just the night before, “Inappropriate,” he finished for her, “I’m sorry Y/n, if I-”

“Don’t say you took advantage of me,” as she sat up against the headboard, Y/n gathered the sheets in her fists, guarding her modesty, “We were drunk and if I remember correctly; I kissed you first.”

Sighing heavily, Keanu propped himself up on the headboard too, the gears turning in his head. Then, more than ever, he could hardly deny the thing in his head that said he and Y/n were just friends. But it wasn’t like he could do something about it; it couldn’t have been anything more than infatuation anyway.

Infatuation

It was definitely that.

It made sense; Y/n was young and beautiful, she was the kind of woman that any sensible man with some semblance of a sex drive would fawn over. So really, it had to be that. Because, logically, Keanu told himself, he and Y/n otherwise had nothing that would make them a stable couple. She was inexperienced and barely older than a child. And Keanu, he was a grown man who had twenty-something years experience on her. So, despite what they’d shared, it was better that they go back to being friends. Friends who didn’t touch each other the way they had the night before.

The silence broke when Keanu cleared his throat, folding his arms across his broad chest, “Look, Y/n, we’re friends.....and this,” he searched for the right words, he didn’t want to hurt her, but he needed to be a responsible adult and put his foot down, “Maybe we should just try to get back to the way things were. I mean, you don’t have to mention anything to Luke, or you can, that’s up to you. But I don’t think we should read too much into this.”

Y/n’s brows knitted as she mulled on his words, though, before long, she was perking up and chortling nervously, “Yeah, yeah of course,” shaking off the sheets, Y/n swung her legs out of the bed, immediately collecting her clothes and getting dressed, “You’re right, this was a mistake Keanu.”

Well that kind of stung.

Reaching for his discarded jeans as he stood, Keanu pulled them on with barely anytime to zip or button them closed before Y/n was scurrying out on the bedroom. “Y/n,” he reasoned, following her out to the living room, where she collected her fallen key-card off the floor, “You know I didn’t mean it like that.”

“No,” Y/n shook her head, pushing down her feelings and mustering up a quaint smile, “I know, but you are right. We’re friends, and friends don’t fuck each other,” the was a harshness lingering in the last bits of her sentence, but Y/n hadn’t really meant for it to be there. Taking a calming breath, Y/n began again, “It’s okay, really. I feel terrible that I did this to Luke, and it would be better for everyone involved if we tried to get things back to the way things were,” smiling, Y/n stood on her toes, pecking Keanu’s cheek, “I’ll see you later Ke.”

“Okay,” he nodded slowly, “Later.”

She’d tried to contain herself, but by the time Y/n had stepped under the hot spray of her shower, trying to wash off her guilt, she was sobbing quietly. She didn’t know what hurt more, the fact that Keanu wanted to dismiss what they’d done so quickly or the fact that she’d set herself up to hurt a sweet man.

The longer she stayed there, the more she wished she could wash the guilt away. She wasn’t a cheater. She couldn’t be a cheater. It was a mistake.

Said every cheater ever.

Said her-

Nope, Y/n wasn’t like that. It was just one time and it was never, ever going to happen again, especially since Keanu clearly didn’t see her like that. But did she see him like that?

That was a question Y/n preferred to not ask herself.

Grabbing the loofah and her bottle of body wash, Y/n squeezed a generous amount of the fragrant product onto it and started washing her soft skin. The foam felt weightless and the rough material gently raked along her body. Her fragile fingers gripped it tightly, and with blank eyes, Y/n scrubbed so hard it almost hurt. Still, nothing could erase the lingering feeling of Keanu’s calloused touch; they way his fingers graced her skin, the way his lips felt on her neck.

Again, tears welled up in her eyes, and despite being all lathered up, Y/n had never felt dirtier. When her hand slid lower, the loofah dragging along the inside of her thigh, Y/n blinked slowly, and in an instant, the feeling of Keanu pulsing between her legs came back to her in a rush.

After a breath, she gave up, rinsing the little white bath aid before once again stepping under the water. With her head down, the persistent stream hit her head and neck; rivulets running down her back and steam continuously building up in the room. By then, Y/n could barely tell the difference between her tears and the water that drenched her.

Time seemed to pass slowly, and only when her fingers became wrinkled and when the glass shower walls were completely fogged over did Y/n even consider shutting the water off. “God,” she breathed, raising her head, scrubbing her hands over her face. Turning, she took the sliver knob in her hand, and as it went clockwise, the flow lessened until it stopped completely.

Sliding the door open, she grabbed her towel, wrapping it around herself before stepping onto the fluffy mat at the entrance. In front of the mirror, Y/n used her palm to swipe away to some of the fog, only to regard her sullen reflection; cheeks flushed from her extended shower and eyes red from crying.

Her breath caught in her throat as she faced herself; she never wanted to be the kind of person who could betray someone like that. Planting her hands on the sides of the sink, more tears fell as Y/n finally let her mind admit a fact that it could no longer ignore. Not while she was staring herself down in the mirror at least. See, Y/n’s guilt didn’t just come from her betrayal, it came from knowing that from there on out, she’d never be able to lie with Luke without wishing it was Keanu.

Plopping onto the bed, dressed only in a clean pair of sweats, sans t-shirt, Keanu planted his elbows on his thighs. His head was downcast and he held his it in his hands, long fingers tangled in his dark hair. At some point, Keanu had deemed himself immune to making mistakes; he’d had so many experiences, done so much, that somewhere along the line, he’d somehow figured that everything he did was on his own, conscious volition, that he could no longer regret anything.

But he was clearly wrong, because, he’d made so many in the last twelve hours. He’d fucked his friend, a woman he had respect for. And he’d sent her away after, as if she were a one night stand. Keanu could clearly see the look in her eyes when Y/n had left. Hurt or confusion or something that wasn’t good. Truthfully, he’d never been good at reading women, so it was hard to tell. Everyone always praised him on being sensitive or intuitive, but really, underneath it all, Keanu was just a man. One still capable of making mistakes apparently.

With a heavy sigh, his fingers ran through his drying hair one last time before Keanu straightened up with a heavy sigh. He wished he didn’t think so much. But it alas, it was a consequence of being who he was. Thinking, thinking, thinking. Thinking that he’d hurt Y/n, that he’d lost any right to her friendship. Thinking that if their friendship had just imploded, their work relationship had too. And finally, thinking about how he couldn’t stop thinking about her. Her body, her sounds and worst of all; what he’d do to experience that sober.

But he couldn’t, that wouldn’t be right. He couldn’t take advantage of Y/n, or anyone like that.

Standing from the bed, Keanu inhaled deeply, wishing that there were some way to change the events of the morning. Walking out to the living room, he glanced at his phone on the nearby end table. Maybe he should call her, apologize for his behavior. Keanu didn’t really want them to stand another week toeing around each other any way.

After another minute’s worth of contemplation, Keanu took hold of the device, pressing the power button, surprised that it still hard charge. Finding her number didn’t take very long as it was among a few others that he frequently used. Hesitantly, he hit call, and put the phone to his ear.

It range three times and Keanu imagined that Y/n had hesitated before finally picking up. “Hello,” her voice rang through, soft and unsure.

At first, Y/n wasn’t gong to pick up, but eventually, she realized that the best way to pretend that nothing had changed between her and Keanu, to pretend that she wasn’t exactly who she didn’t want to be, was to grow up and talk to him. When she answered, Keanu took a couple minutes before he spoke again, “I wasn’t sure if you’d pick up,” he determined weakly.

“Why wouldn’t I pick up?” Y/n had dried her hair and had just slipped into her fluffy white robe, moving on to rummage through her things for something to wear. When he called, Y/n had climbed onto the bed, one leg crooked under her, the other hanging off the edge as she sat sideways on the bed.

“Because of the way things went this morning,” Keanu offered shortly, no longer willing to dance around the issue. They were adults, they should talk about what they’d done, like adults. “I’m sorry about that, by the way.”

“I told you,” Y/n sighed, “It’s okay, we did something dumb, but we can’t just hold onto to it,” even if it wasn’t exactly logical, Y/n thought that the more she vocalized her regret, as in-existent as it was, the more ‘okay’ it was. Like somehow, it would erase what she had done or at the very least, would give her a reason to not tell Luke, “Look, Ke, we’re pretty good friends, can’t we just agree that this was a lapse in judgement?”

For a couple seconds, Keanu was silent, and Y/n hoped that she didn’t hurt his feelings, she hadn’t really thought about them when she said that. It was selfish, trying to cover her ass like that, without the slightest consideration for him, but sometimes you had to be selfish, right? Right. Eventually, just when Y/n had thought that she’d upset Keanu, he cleared his throat and spoke up, “Uh, yeah.” His words were so few that Y/n wasn’t sure if he was upset and didn’t make any move to fill the silence, leaving the ball in his proverbial court, “So we’re cool?”

“Mhm,” Y/n hummed in agreement. To her, they weren’t ‘cool’, they’d never be just ‘cool’. Not when it would probably take months for her to get his touch out of her mind, not when the next time she spent with Luke, she’d compare him to Keanu, not when pushing Keanu away felt so wrong. But she couldn’t say those things; they were drunk and it was a mistake. Besides, she wasn’t willing to risk their friendship by saying that she might, deep down, want more than that with him. “We’re cool.”

“Great,” Keanu was silent for a while again, probably debating weather or not he wanted to say more, “So.....”

“So...” Y/n mirrored, not sure on where they should go from there. It wasn’t like they could just jump back to way things a day or even a week ago.

Or could they?

“Maybe we could hang out,” Y/n blurted out, painfully hoping that they could immediately revert to their comfortable, not riddled with strange tension, friendship.

Keanu hesitated and Y/n could feel disappointment setting in, only perking up a little when he offered up his next words, “Sure, what about brunch, tomorrow? If I remember correctly you said you’d die for the mimosas here.”

“I did,” Y/n laughed, genuinely, “Brunch sounds great,” finally, she could breathe a sigh of relief. That was good; pretending nothing happened, getting back to their friendship. Just as Y/n was going to speak again, a knock on her door had her standing, “Ke, I’ve gotta go, someone’s at the door, talk later?”

“Sure, sounds great,” his own relief that they were returning to some semblance of normalcy was evident in his tone, “I’ll make us a reservation.”

“Great,” Y/n was already at the door, still in her thick robe and barefoot, “Bye,” as she hung up, she pulled the door open, her jaw slackening when she saw who was, wide grin plastered on on his handsome face, a duffel bag slung over his shoulder and a gorgeous bouquet in his right hand. Smile, she told herself. It hurt to split her lips like that, mostly because it was the least genuine smile that she’d ever offered anyone. Guilt, shame, regret. That was what she felt, all over again, “Luke,” Y/n breathed, no doubt in disbelief.

“Y/n,” he immediately pulled her into a hug, lifting her off the ground and spinning her before setting her down. A deep kiss followed, but all Y/n could feel when she forced her eyes shut was how it had felt to kiss Keanu, how soft his lips were, how his hands hand felt sunken into her hips, gripping tightly. “I missed you,” he pulled away, he eyed her curiously, “What’s wrong,” his brows furrowed, “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Was that her punishment? Having to look him in the eyes mere hours after waking up in Keanu’s arms.

“I...um,” Y/n stuttered, discarding her phone on the nearby table, running a hand through her hair, her nails gently raking her scalp, “No, I just....” Taking a breath, she steadied herself; there was no use crying over split milk, so why would she even tell Luke? They had a good thing going, he was a good man and mistakes happened, telling him that she’d slept with someone else would just break his heart. And Y/n didn’t want to do that. So really, by not telling him, she was doing him a favor.

That was it. She was lying to protect him. No one could fault her for that.

“No,” finally, Y/n had a handle on herself, her terrible rationalization doing wonders, “I’m just shocked, I wasn’t expecting you to be done in France until next week.”

“We wrapped up early,” Luke wrapped an arm around her waist and they walked over to the living area, “I know I should have called, but you told me you had the weekend off and I really wanted to surprise you.” When they stopped, he dropped his bag on the sofa and offered her the flowers. The bouquet comprised of a collection of her favorites; light pink roses complimented by blue baby’s breath and a few bright white daisies. “Beautiful flowers for my beautiful lady.”

Y/n blushed a little, smiling softly, “Thank you,” standing on her toes, she pecked his lips, “These are gorgeous.”

“Not half as gorgeous as you baby,” Y/n giggled, pretending to fawn at his cliche compliment. Where did he get those lines?

“I’m going to put these in water,” desperately, she wanted the moment to be over. Luke followed her into the kitchen, watching as she searched for a containment of some sort, eventually opting to empty a vase of artificial flowers, dumping the plastic flora onto the marble counter before half filling the porcelain catchment with water from the tap, before fitting the flowers into it, gently tugging at the petals until she was satisfied.

Luke stayed on the opposing side of the room, his expression caught between a disappointed frown and the ache of confusion, “Did I do something wrong?”

The hurt in his voice pulled at her heart and Y/n’s head snapped up, “No, of course not. Why would you think that?”

Luke shrugged his shoulders, still not willing to believe her. It always stung that he was constantly trying to please her and Y/n could never sum up the resolve to put in the same effort. It confused Y/n too; why would he want to stay with someone like that, with someone who actively proved that she didn’t care as much as he did? “You’re quiet. I mean,” he forced a half smile, maybe to please her so she wouldn’t worry too much, “You’re always quiet, but not like this.”

Y/n sighed heavily, just make it right, she told herself. It wasn’t that hard, she was an actress for god’s sake. “Nothing’s wrong,” a trained smile made its way to her lips as she sauntered into his arms. Luke couldn't help it when they accepted Y/n readily, bending his head when Y/n circled hers around his neck, the tips of her fingers tangling in his honey-colored hair, “I’m just.....hungover.”

“Oh,” he teased, “Someone got carried away last night,” relived, Luke connected his lips with Y/n’s, “We could get some rest if you want.”

“That sounds nice,” it did, though, she was overwhelmed with the need to prove to herself that she could be with Luke and enjoy it the way she did before. He was good in bed, unless she was comparing him to Keanu, next to him, Luke was at best ‘pretty okay.’ But just a month before, he could make Y/n see stars; he was the kind of lover that put her needs before his own, sweet and attentive. In their year together, he’d never dared to be rough with her, simply preferring to guide her body to sweet release. Nothing like Keanu, who’d certainly proven that he could take control in the kind of way that shattered her world.

Y/n had like it more that she wanted to admit. She had always been too coy to ask Luke to roughhouse her anyway.

“But we could do something else, I mean, we haven’t seen each other in months,” slowly, she peppered kisses on his neck, teasingly nipping at his pulse point, “What do you think baby?” Her voice was low and husky and as arousal started trickling to her core, Y/n tried to push Keanu out of her mind.

“I think.....” Luke trailed off when one of her hands slid to his crotch, palming him through his jeans, groaning quietly when she started rubbing, “I think we should go to your room.”

“Good choice,” Y/n smirked, pulling away seductively, letting him follow a pace behind her, undoing the knot of her robe and letting the fabric slide down her shoulder and onto the ground just before pushing the door open.

Keanu played around with his phone for a while; responding to texts, reading emails and everything in between as he awaited Y/n at the table he’d gotten for them. His foot tapped impatiently and to say he was nervous wouldn’t be completely wrong, though, he would prefer something along the lines of ‘concerned’. He wasn’t really sure how they were supposed to act around each other given recent events. Sure, they could try to go back to the way things were before, but Keanu was almost certain that that was the reason the had ended up in bed in the first place. Friends shouldn’t be that comfortable with each other; goodbye kisses shouldn't have been that close to their lips, he shouldn’t know what it was like to have her head on his shoulder or what it was like to lay in her lap or have her fingers through his hair.

That was the problem. Too close, too fast.

But there was no use dwelling, especially when they were trying to move past it. Sighing, Keanu put his phone down, grabbing his iced tea and taking a long sip, hoping to clear his head before Y/n could get there. Speaking of, he briefly glanced at his watch; she was late, which was completely unlike her. Keanu had considered calling or texting, but ended up deciding against it; it was just fifteen minutes anyway.

Just as he replaced his glass though, Y/n came through the open doorway, lighting up at the sight of him. She looked exquisite, though Keanu wished he hadn’t noticed. Her plum dress was short, exposing her smooth legs and the chiffon ruffles falling from the neckline left the slightest bit of her cleavage on display.

Much to Keanu’s surprise, Y/n had brought someone along, a tall man with tousled blond hair and bone structure so sharp that it could probably cut paper. Keanu supposed, that to the female gaze, the man was conventionally attractive and he quickly deduced that he must be the infamous Luke. Thankfully, the hotel’s restaurant only had tables that seated three or more.

As they drew closer, Keanu stood, stepping out to meet them at the table, “Y/n,” he grinned, letting her initiate a hug just after pecking his cheek, “Hey.”

“Hi,” she beamed, though, the expression wavered when they pulled apart and she motioned to her companion, “Keanu, this is Luke. Luke, this is my friend Keanu.”

“Great to meet you,” their hands connected with a friendly smack and Keanu wasn’t sure who was trying to firmer the other’s grip. It shouldn’t have been a competition, that wasn’t a pissing contest. Still, Keanu felt the surge of testosterone, encouraging him to stand straighter, feeling a little triumphant when he found that he was a couple inches taller than Luke.

“Likewise,” Keanu smiled tightly, “I’ve heard a lot about you,” they gripped each other’s hands for a moment, and out of the corner of his eye, Keanu saw that Y/n was eyeing them skeptically. Keanu was the one to eventually pull away, suggesting that they sit, “You look beautiful, Y/n,” smiling at how she ducked, blushing.

Luke pulled out her chair first before getting seated next to her, his arm draping over the back of Y/n’s seat, “Thanks,” she seemed uncomfortable, and Keanu knew that he couldn’t begin to imagine how unsettling the situation must be for her; sitting at a table with her boyfriend, who wasn’t really her boyfriend, and the man who she’d cheated on him with. “It was a gift, from Luke’s mother.”

And it just got more awkward.

At that, Luke chuckled, “Yeah, mom’s been dying to get her hands on Y/n as a brand ambassador. Can’t blame her though, Y/n/n looks amazing in everything,” quickly, he pressed a chaste kiss to the top of her head. Y/n’s gaze just held Keanu’s and beneath her pseudo-happiness, he could see the guilt, fighting to break through.

“You know I try to stay away from that kind of stuff,” Y/n breathed, deciding that it was time to change the subject, “Why don’t we order?”

“Sure,” the rest of brunch went by uneventfully, though riddled with awkward tension; conversations were minimal and tense and the one time that Y/n and Keanu reached for the same thing, they both sprang back when their fingers brushed, apologizing profusely.

When it was over, they both breathed a sigh of relief, though, it was short lived because when the check came, before Y/n could even lean forward to pick it up, both Keanu and Luke scrambled to get it, “I should get it, since I intruded on your plans,” Luke chuckled, though anyone could hear the malicious under tones.

“No, I insist,” Keanu argued, gritting his teeth, his hold on the end nearest to him firm and warning, “You’re our guest, it would be rude me to let you pay.”

Lightly, Luke tugged on the little black, “It would be rude of you to reject my offer to pay.”

“I made the reservation, so I should pay,” Keanu tugged a little harder, his platinum card already in his free hand, “Give me the check,” he warned, a little sterner than warranted.

It was a war of glares and Y/n’s worry continuously grew as she watched it unfolded. Worrying on her lower lip, she hoped that it wouldn’t escalate, quickly deciding that it wouldn’t be wise to wait it out. Discreetly, she reached into her little handbag, getting out her own card, before reaching out and wrestling the leather envelope from their hands, “I’ll get it,” she smiled tightly, and when they went to argue she stopped them, already taking it and signing the bottom of the bill and sending it off with her card, “I insist.”

Keanu had made up some excuse of having an errand to run, just so he wouldn’t have to ride up in the elevator with them. Y/n couldn’t blame him and she was actually grateful; you could cut the tension between the three with a knife. Luke and Keanu clearly didn’t like each other and worse yet, Luke could readily see that things between Keanu weren’t as platonic as she’d led him to believe.

The minute the were in the room, Y/n kicked off her heels and before he made a move to do anything else, Luke confronted her, “Is there something going on between you two?”

Not knowing how else to deflect, Y/n feigned ignorance. Frowning, she furrowed her brows, “Me and who?”

Luke folded his arms, leaning against the wall that brought the foyer out to the living room. Sighing, Y/n backed into the back of the sofa, planting her hands on either side of herself as she half-sat , “You know I’m talking about Keanu. I saw you two, you still want to go with the ‘just friends’ excuse?”

Rolling her eyes, Y/n scoffed, “It’s not an excuse,” she moistened her lips, knowing full and well that she was probably about to start a fight. Luke wasn’t wrong when he noticed something between her and Keanu, but she was far from willing to admit it. “Keanu is a friend, why are you making such a big deal of this?”

“I’m not making-” Luke cut himself off, hitting his fist with his thigh, “I know what you’re doing,” he accused, “And it’s not gonna work this time.”

“What am I doing Luke?” She raised her brows questioningly, continuing calmly, “Cause I’m not the one throwing around accusations.”

Exasperated, he pushed off the wall, walking to the other side of the room. They didn’t fight often; Y/n was always willing to apologize just to avoid a spat and Luke was always excusing her behavior. “But you’re the one in Chicago with a fucking movie star, having dinner with him almost every night, hanging out with him on weekends. God, said you fell asleep in his room,” he scrubbed his hands over his face, raking his short nails over his five o’clock shadow. Y/n could see the tension in his shoulders, the bulging veins in his arms and on his forehead. It was like he already knew and was just waiting for her to admit the truth, “Just tell me the truth.”

Just tell him the truth.

Y/n knew she should have, he already suspected it anyway. But she couldn’t do it, maybe it was stubbornness, maybe it was cowardice. Y/n couldn’t hurt him like that and she couldn’t admit that she was the kind of person who would destroy a good thing because she couldn’t keep her pants on. Blinking slowly, Y/n approached Luke, tentatively resting her hands on his biceps, “There is absolutely nothing going on between me and Keanu. He’s just a friend. You know how it is,” she reassured, lifting one hand to cup his cheek, “We’re working together almost everyday, and he’s helped me a lot with Jackson, he’s just a really good friend.”

Inhaling deeply, Luke closed his eyes for a minute, his hands finding her waist. When he reopened them, his hazel orbs were glassy and Y/n anticipated what was coming next, “I saw the way he looked at you, the way you looked at him, and Y/n, you,” his voice broke, “You’ve been my world for the past year, and you won’t even call me your boyfriend.”

“Luke,” Y/n reasoned, “You know-”

“Labels don’t matter to you, I know,” he bowed his head, “But they matter to me. I want people to know that we’re a couple, cause I’m proud of you, cause I’m in love with you, even though I’m pretty sure you don’t feel the same.”

“You know that’s not true,” she frowned, sullen; Y/n had done the one thing she’d been avoiding.

“Then why haven’t you said it back?” Luke pulled away, putting some space between them and Y/n scoffed, defeated. With slumped shoulders and teary eyes, she watched as he picked up his bag, throwing it over his shoulder, “Maybe we should take a break.”

Y/n wasn’t sure what she was feeling; relief because it was over or dismay because the last year of her life was crumbling. She cared about Luke, she really did, maybe she wasn’t in love with him, but she did care. And now he was leaving, because he’d given her his best and she couldn’t even call him her boyfriend. Seeing him like that hurt, the way he fought tears and avoided her gaze, the way he was headed towards the door, without another word. “Luke,” she followed him hurriedly, “Don’t go.”

“Why?” His voice rose as he wretched his hand out of Y/n’s grasp. Sniffling, he blinked quickly, “Say it back, or something, anything that’ll convince me that I’m as important to you as you are to me.”

“I.....” what could she say? What was there to say?

Nodding slowly when she couldn’t offer up anything else, Luke turned the knob, pulling the door open.

“You’re breaking up with me?” It sounded like a question, but Y/n hadn’t meant it to be. It was more of a realization, a painful one. The scene was reminiscent of one she could recall from her childhood, when her father had left their family’s home the same way Luke was leaving then. Back then ache the was tripled, watching her father, her idol, walk away from her mother was one of the most painful things she’d ever witnessed, and from then on, Y/n had vowed that she’d never hurt someone like that. But there she was, doing it.

As always, he put her feelings before his, though, it was different that day. It was like he was trying to let her down easy, “I’m leaving,” he corrected, “Because I think we both need some time apart to think, but that doesn’t change the way I feel about you Y/n.”

With that, he was walking towards the elevator, hand in his pocket and head down. When Luke was out of sight, Y/n closed the door, turning to lean against it, planting her face in her hands, sobbing quietly.

There was only one person that Y/n wanted to talk to after that. Maybe she’d call him later.

*****

Tagging- @harrisongslimited @paanchu786 @babygirltaina @fanficsrusz @ladyreapermc @fickensteinn @thesadvampire @septimaseverina

#Keanu reeves #Keanu reeves x reader #Keanu reeves x you #john wick #john wick x you #john wick x reader #Keanu reeves fanfic #keanu reeves fanfiction #ff #fanfic #angst #john wick fanfic #john wick fanfiction #series #put me in a movie #chapter 3

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victorfrankendork · 5 years

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guess who’s sad and gay on this fine night? ME.

who knows if i’ll ever finish this fic or if it’ll just stay self indulgent snapshots of an idea to satisfy my need for M O R E, but i’m crying over this bit in medias res rn, and i’d like you all to cry too if you so want. pls join me under the cut:

(((context if u desire: au where eddie also got caught in the deadlights like bev the first time they faced IT––and so did stan, but this is a reddie fic i’m trash ilu stan and bev i’m sorry––and three out of seven losers have been plagued with horrifically vivid nightmares for decades involving the deaths of people who are seemingly strangers. twenty-seven years have passed since that summer, twenty-two since he left derry, and eddie starts having v different weird af dreams where he’s just sitting around talking to this asshole he doesn’t even remember knowing until it all comes back. only they’re not dreams, he’s really talking to this asshole, and IT is back, but remembering the past and falling in love all over again is just as scary as a murderous alien clown.)))

“No, we’ve kissed before.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Do you remember that last night, at the end of summer after we graduated, right before we both left?” Richie asks, and there’s something that sounds almost excited in his voice, in a tentative sort of way. The kind of thing that tells him whatever he’s remembered is something big, or at least it was something big to him. He knows that feeling, knows what it’s like to have a memory suddenly knock the wind out of him, coming back in such vivid detail it almost feels too real, just like these dreams. Hearing that in his voice, even if it hasn’t come back to him yet, makes him excited, too, eager to have that memory back, to know whatever it is he’s feeling. Part of it is a little terrifying, though, to not know what he had done, to have such large chunks of his own life just gone, only hitting him again when prompted by a word, or a sight, or a touch. And maybe it’s even more terrifying considering what it is they’re talking about now.

He didn’t remember that night, but he doesn’t say it, certain, even with no concrete evidence for it, that he’ll remember as soon as he needs to, and not a moment before. All he does is shrug slightly, frown creasing his forehead, and if his heart is beating a little faster against his ribs wanting to have that memory back, he doesn’t think too hard about it.

Richie goes on, clearly trying his best to conjure up the memory for him, as well, speaking as if it’s only just fully coming back to him as he says it all out loud again.

“It was just us, or at least it was at the end of the day. I think maybe someone else was there before… I can’t remember… a friend? Shit, I don’t know… But I know that we were alone after a while, and things kind of shifted, I guess. It was hard not to be sad, I mean, of course it was; it was the end of summer, and the end of our childhood. I think you said that, I sure as shit didn’t. Of course you would say it, the end of our fucking childhood. Sounded like a character straight out of a shitty coming-of-age movie,” he laughs, shaking his head, a fond smile crossing his lips as he looks back at him.

It feels like Richie’s looking at something Eddie can’t see, though, his younger self, a self he can’t even remember being. But maybe what matters is that Richie is remembering. “The thing is, that it was the end. We were both leaving the next day, and we were going to be on opposite sides of the country. We were all going to be on our own for the first time. We weren’t going to be together anymore…”

As Richie describes it, something in his voice changes, and Eddie can remember it clearer and clearer. There’s the creeping sensation of dread just beneath the surface, and he can’t tell if it’s from knowing that it had happened at all, that it had ended, or a phantom sensation leftover from being eighteen, the memory itself gifting that to him.

They had gone swimming, late that afternoon when the sun was high and the air was thick, had tired themselves out in the water then laid out on the rocks to dry off, lazily drifting in and out of sleep, talking absently about what they thought college was going to be like, reminiscing about days that felt long gone on the horizon of adulthood. And then they’d walked through the Barrens. The Barrens. Shit, how had he forgotten about the Barrens? Where the best moments of their childhoods had taken place, memories only just recently coming back into focus. They’d wandered absently, until they had come upon that old clubhouse of theirs. And soon enough, it was dark, and the two of them were alone, and something about the air had felt just as heavy as it had in the middle of the afternoon, even as the sun set and the coolness of a late summer night settled in.

Richie was in the hammock, and he had jokingly gotten in, too, only it wasn’t a joke. There wasn’t anyone around to watch, to laugh at their bickering, or the way their suddenly too long limbs didn’t fit so well together in the hammock anymore, impossible not to tangle legs together, skin pressed to skin, touching, touching, touching.

He was suddenly very aware of how quiet it was in the clubhouse, only the nearby sound of crickets chirping, the rustling of leaves, twigs snapping every so often. Impossible not to focus on how it felt like his throat was closing up when Richie rested a hand on his leg, but not in a way that made him need to pull out his inhaler. It had been so quiet, for once, neither of them wanting to break the fragile peace, something anticipatory about it, and he had felt a lot like his heart was going to burst from the silence. He hadn’t been able to stop himself from saying, I’m going to miss this, I’m going to miss you.

And they had both known, without needing anything else, that he meant something different then as opposed to when he had said it to the others as one by one they drifted apart. Eddie had realized something oddly comforting, in that moment, as he said it.

There are different kinds of longing, different kinds of missing someone.

For once in his damn life, Richie had been silent for longer than a few seconds, just looking back at him with a slight frown creasing his forehead. Weighing the risk, weighing the reward, Eddie realizes now looking back on it. It was awkward, the way he had pushed himself up to sitting in the hammock, knocking knees, the whole thing swaying dangerously, and Eddie had thought, for a terrible second, that he was just going to get up and leave, and it would all be over like that. After all, he had crossed an invisible line they’d been dancing around for years, one he hadn’t even realized might exist until that moment, certainly not one that he fully understood even then, and that was the end of that. The disappointment that washed over him felt deep, and unfamiliar, something different than just saying the wrong thing in front of a friend, a joke not landing quite right. It would be nearly funny, looking back, just how clueless he let himself be, all because of a fear of something even greater than what might happen if he let himself feel what he felt. It would be funny, if it wasn’t so damn sad.

The thing is, though, that he remembers how it went, and it wasn’t the way he had been expecting. Because Richie didn’t get up to leave. No, he had scooted forward, so that he was sitting between his legs, the sudden weight concentrated in the middle of the hammock making Eddie slide towards him, forcing him to sit up straighter, too, so that he didn’t end up fully in his lap. Before he could do much else, though, Richie had leaned forward and pressed a quick, nervous kiss to his lips. It wasn’t much, but it had been everything to him in that moment.

A kiss. His first kiss. And with a boy. With Richie.

And the world didn’t come crashing down around him as soon as their lips touched. They were fine. He was fine. Better than fine, even; happy.

(He hasn’t been happy since then, he realizes now. He wasn’t happy again until all of this started happening, until he was allowed to remember.)

It had taken another long moment of silence once he pulled back before either of them spoke, but it said more than anything else that neither of them had bolted as soon as it happened. Richie didn’t look any less terrified, and he had still felt like his heart was going to explode in his fucking chest, but all in a good way, because how could something that felt so nice be bad? He didn’t know what it meant, could hardly even comprehend that it had happened at all, but he was glad it did. And there had been something there in the pit of his stomach that begged for it to happen again.

Does that mean you’re going to miss me, too?

It had come out less teasing than Eddie planned, voice barely more than a whisper, like even the smallest thing could have disturbed the secret moment they had created. A little too genuine, like he couldn’t quite believe Richie meant it, that he might take it back if he had the chance, that he was just teasing with that, too, like he always liked to tease him. But Richie wasn’t like that, still isn’t, from what he can tell, and he had let out a fond breath of laughter, the frown finally smoothing out, relief flooding his face. He seemed more confident suddenly, when he had reached out and put a hand on Eddie’s cheek.

Of course, I’m going to miss my Eddie Spaghetti. Nearly as much as I’ll miss your mom.

For once, it had drawn an unwilling laugh from his lips, the noise a little strangled, much more focused on the first half of it to really give a fuck about the joke.

The second kiss, Eddie was the one who closed the gap between them.

When he looks back at Richie, he’s got that familiar look of fear on his face, the same sort of fear he had had all those years ago, of being truly known, of what will happen if he’s honest, like maybe this time the response isn’t going to be good, maybe twenty-two years is enough to change things completely. And Eddie gets it. He understands the fear better than most people, having lived with it so deeply ingrained in a different way, that he hadn’t even let himself consider that something like this might be true until he’d been literally forced to, both then, and now. The thing is, though, that it doesn’t matter what changed, what they lost against their wills, they have it now, in this strange dreamscape. And there’s even less reason to be afraid here, almost like they’re back in the clubhouse in the dark, with only each other, and their secrets, free to be honest.

He lets out a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding, looking back at Richie with a newfound perspective. This isn’t the first time they’ve been here.

(He wonders, though, if it will be the last.)

“I missed you, like I said I would. Even if I got turned around for a few years in the middle there,” he says, quietly, the teasing gone from his voice now.

“You did?” he asks, sounding genuinely surprised by the information, and suddenly Eddie can see what he saw, all the fear, and eagerness, and desire of the Richie of twenty-something years ago, memories colliding with the present, changing everything, and somehow keeping it utterly the same.

“Yeah,” he nods, a soft smile slipping over his lips. He reaches out and puts a hand on his cheek, thumb brushing over stubble, the sensation bringing back another round of memories. And then he gives him a rough pat on the cheek as he goes on. “Wish you hadn’t brought up my fucking mother after kissing me, though, asshole.”

The noise that comes out of Richie’s mouth is kind of a laugh, shocked and a little too loud, definitely not attractive, but somehow it just solidifies everything he’s just remembered. It solidifies everything he’s been thinking since falling asleep one night, weeks ago, and waking up next to this too loud, too tall idiot in his fucking dreams.

He’s fucked.

#reddie #it chapter 2 #it 2019 #eddie kaspbrak #richie tozier #it's been literal years since i wrote fanfic i can't believe this is where i live now #this is unedited but i'm enthusiastic so #i've got 45 more pages of reddie nonsense where this came from

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treasure-my-aurora · 5 years

Text

One More Night. Pt 5

Pairing: Kim Hongjoong / fem!Reader

Chapter: 5/14

Genre: Mutual pining, canon compliant, fluffy af, angsty af, suggestive, teasing and filled with that good shit that everyone loves

Words in this chapter: 6045

Lisbon and Hongjoong looked at me from underneath long lashes, whispered an apology about acting like an ass two days ago under his breath as I fixed the collar on his jacket. I gave him a look, my fingers lingered on the skin on his throat a bit longer than necessary and I could feel him gulping under my fingertips. “I want you, only you. Never make me regret the fact that I took your side” I whispered as I combed my fingers through the long hair in his neck and he bit his lip, and gave me a nod, a breathless gasp leaving his lips. - Paris and we were fighting our way forward through the crazy traffic to the venue. People drove like they wanted to crash, and I choked on a gasp when a driver in front of us took a beeline to the left, his car barely graced us. My hand found Hongjoong’s and he gave me a smile, fright in his eyes but there was something comforting in his smile and I took a deep breath with him to calm my racing heart. “Sorry about that” Our driver apologized and cursed like a sailor when another driver made a risky move. Hongjoong’s hand was warm in mine and I swallowed as he gave it a small squeeze. - Berlin and the weather was cold. I shivered, wearing a shirt less than I probably should have as we jumped into the cars that were going to take us to the hotel. We got checked in and I longed for a good nap while I unloaded the luggage and Hongjoong’s wardrobe. He gave me a mixed look of longing and apology as if he was sorry that I couldn’t join him when they followed their managers towards the escalator. I shrugged and gave him a smile back, already in the zone to get everything unpacked and to the venue as soon as I could. Four hours later and I closed the door to the big dressing room marked with ‘ATEEZ’ in the same moment as my phone rang and I chuckled lightly when I answered. “Do you have a small camera strapped on me or something?” I asked and Hongjoong laughed and my heart jumped happily when the sound of it filled my chest with warmth. “No, but I have timed you several times and know that you’re usually done by now..." He said and I bit my lip to suppress another laugh as he trailed off, realizing that even though it was a cute thing to do, it was a bit weird as well, “Anyway… come to my room, I fixed you breakfast” My stomach growled happily at the thought of food, only filled with a kimbap and a cup of coffee that I basically poured into me as soon as we arrived. I walked with hurried steps and took a company car with some tech guys that’d just finished setting up the equipment as well. They wished me a good day and I gave them a big smile, feeling for the first time in a long time that this might actually be a good day. One without mishaps, wardrobe malfunctions and endless teasing from Hongjoong, and though the first two seemed to be right, the last one was as far from right as it could be… “Nooonaaaa. I missed youuu” Hongjoong whined and threw his arms around me as soon as he opened the door, barely giving me time to knock, as if he’d been camping next to it and waited for me to walk down the corridor. I squinted my eyes at him and took a deep inhale through my nose. “Why are you so weird? You weren’t like this when I talked to you fifteen minutes ago… Have you been drinking?” I asked, even though I couldn’t smell any alcohol on him, and he shook his head, his hair whipping the sides of his face and I suppress a laugh at his bewildered expression. I closed the door behind me, still with him in my arms and my stomach growled again when the smell of toast, eggs and bacon surrounded my senses. “Nooo, I just haven’t slept yet and I accidentally drank some coffee and the jet lag is making me whooozy and I missed youuuu” He continued, a pout on his lips and I looked at him in my arms with a puzzled look, time seemed to pause for a few seconds as something shadowed his eyes when he gazed into mine “I… I really am sorry about the other day” He gulped, voice serious all of a sudden and I clenched my jaw, knowing that he talked about London and the altercation between San and him, “I don’t know what happened, don’t know why I said the things I did. I just get so… jealous when it comes to you. I know I stepped over the line and I need you to understand that it’s not who I am…” I looked away, the memories of the way he acted, the three of us in that dressing room. My fury when he doubted me, still unsure if I wanted him as much as he wanted me. He licked his lips nervously and watched me with eyes that spoke of his sincerity, “I know you’re sorry Joong. I know you, and I know that those actions aren't you. I understand the jealousy you feel, but I don’t want you to ever speak to me like that again. It’s not ok” “I won’t” He shook his head, almost violently and tried to give me a small hopeful smile, “Can you forgive me?” He asked, still concerned and swallowed hard, I sighed. There wasn’t really a reason for me to hold a grudge. I knew that he cared for me and that he was genuinely sorry, the breakfast was most likely a peace offering, and I chewed on the inside of my cheek. He was hot-headed, and even though I was still a bit hurt that he still thought that his feelings for me wasn’t completely reciprocated, I guess that I sometimes felt the same. It was a trait grounded in self-doubt and unfortunately a trait that we both shared. “Of course, I forgive you, Joongie” He gave me a bright smile and closed his arms around me tighter and I hugged him back for a few seconds, thinking that he’d let me go but it didn’t seem to be the case. There was a pause that almost lasted half a minute as I looked longingly at the food and Hongjoong looked longingly at me, but I quickly grew tired of this one-sided threesome. “Let me go, Joongie” I asked and pulled on his arms where he held onto my clothes in a death grip. “What would you do if I kissed you right now?” He asked, voice deep and even more serious than before and I met his eyes, his gaze flicked between them and my lips and I opened my mouth to answer him something clever, but my sustenance deprived mind couldn’t form a word and Hongjoong pouted. “I try not to think about it, because it hurts too much… but the fact that San got to taste your lips before I could, drives me crazy” I sighed and looked away as I felt my heart beat hard against his and I shrugged, “After your first win” “What?” He looked at me again, pupils dilated, and I repeated myself, “When you win your first award, I’ll give you a kiss. I promise” “But that could take months” He pouted again, and I shrugged, “Guess you gotta work hard then” “... Guess I will” His smile was brighter than the sun and my heart ached when he gave me a final tight squeeze. - Amsterdam and I woke up when the sun’s beams shone through the window, blinded me slightly when I sleepily opened my eyes. I turned around, and a disgruntled groan left my lips. A soft hush answered my noise and I paused for a second, opened my eyes slightly again. Hongjoong was sleeping next to me, and I melted at the sight of him as I remembered last night. Him coming to my room after midnight, a pillow in his arms that he’d brought from his room across mine, eyes heavy. Complaining that he was cold, that Yunho didn’t want to cuddle and that he missed me, and I was too tired to argue and just let him join me underneath the covers. Sleep had ruffled his hair and he wore a pout on his lips, his hand softly stroked my side as if he thought my groan of discomfort was out of distress and was now reassuring me, still unconscious to the world. I wondered how many times he’d let the other members climb into his bed if he was so used to being there for the person that needed comforting that he did so in his sleep. I frowned and felt a sudden sorrow I’d never felt before when I imagined how tough every day must’ve been for them, for him, while they still were trainees. Not knowing whether or not they would be able to debut. All of them just kids with a big dream and Hongjoong, being the leader of the group and one of the oldest, took most responsibility, from being the spokesman to be the person the members could go to when things became too much to handle on their own. My eyes soften when his movements stilled, and he began snoring softly again. I looked over my shoulder and glanced at the bedside clock I always carried with me, knowing that I had to get up soon or I wouldn’t be able to get any breakfast before my day started. I moved as carefully as I could but Hongjoong still felt me leaving and he clenched his arm around my waist, his eyebrows furrowed, “Don’t go” He whispered, voice hoarse and whiny and I licked my dry lips, my heart aching, “I have to Joongie. I can’t be in bed all day” He groaned, and pushed me closer, flushed my body against his as he stretched, his nose nuzzled into the crook of my neck and it would've been sweet if my breath wouldn’t hitch when a very apparent boner pressed against my thigh. It wasn’t the first time we slept like this, it occurred more often than I wanted to admit to my colleagues, but this…the boner and the fact that he didn’t wake up as I flinched from surprise, had never happened before and I bit my lower lip to suppress a gasp when his eyebrows furrowed and his mouth fell open slightly. Another groan escaped his lips as he rubbed himself unconsciously on me and I inhaled sharply, feeling arousal pool from my core, the burn made me clench my legs shut. “Noona” He whined out a breathy moan and the hand that's been on my waist moved over my hip and I gulped as he grabbed it hard, his thumb possessively pushed on the hipbone as he moved my body against his. I could feel how he twitched through the pyjama pants, a small wet spot on the front of them already and I had to manually take a deep breath before I tore myself away from him and rolled down onto the floor. A gasp left his lips again as he opened his eyes from my sudden motion, his sleepy eyes half open as the sun shone into them. He looked up to see me, a blush covered my cheeks and I breathed heavily. “Noona?” He asked confused and I blushed even harder, feeling the flush covering me from my head to my toes when I realized that he’d been totally unconscious of the fact that he’d just humped my leg like a dog in heat, probably too deep into a wet dream. “I gotta go, make sure that you leave within the hour. The cars are leaving for the airport in two” I said and pulled up my hair in a bun. “But…” He started and sat up slightly, giving me a perfect view of his cock outlined in his pants and I slumped slightly, very unattractively and much like a deflated balloon. I looked away, and swallowed hard before I grabbed the bag with clothes and hygiene articles, I always had prepared, “I gotta go” I said again and gave him another involuntarily glance before I put on my shoes. He looked down then and a noise of embarrassment left his mouth as he quickly covered himself with the blanket again. “I’m sorry” He shouted after me, but I didn’t hear. My heart pounded too loud in my ears. - Milan and I laid on my bed. It was late, my eyes were closed and a soft breeze from the open balcony door made the baby hairs in my forehead flicker. I’d just taken a deep breath and closed my eyes, winching from the ache in my back when there was a knock on the door. I groaned loudly to myself and placed my long and index fingers over my eyes, rubbing them slightly before I heaved myself off the bed. “What?” I said while opening the door, my voice annoyed as I made eye contact with the person who’d knocked. “Just a question” Hongjoong asked, dressed in black slacks and a white turtleneck, his fringe parted, a black big sweatshirt in his arms and I fought off the feeling of just closing the door again because he looked so wonderfully amazing, having spent the whole day outside with the members, filming and having a good time and I looked like something that’d just been chewed up and spit out by a killer whale, my almost non-existential make-up smeared. Hair dirty, face puffy and eyes shadowed with bags under them since I’d been sleeping bad the last few days. “Yes?” I gave him a tired look. “I happen to have this extra movie ticket and I have no one to give it to. Mind taking it so you can go with me?” He smirked and I rolled my eyes. He was smooth, I could give him that. “But what about Yunho or Seonghwa or any other member? Maybe they want to go with you?” I asked, an innocent smile on my lips as I leaned against the door and Hongjoong’s brows furrowed, and I had to tense my jaw to stop a giggle to escape. “Because I want to go with you” He said and gave me a look that begged me not to be difficult. “... So, you’re asking me out?” I asked and Hongjoong sighed. I was enjoying myself too much with this. “No, I’m giving you a free opportunity to go to the movies with me” He said, a pout on his lips and he looked away. I nodded slightly and felt how my serious face broke as the smile I tried to fight off tugged at my lips. “So, it’s a date?” “Just go with me, please?” Hongjoong said, frustrated now and with an impatient wrinkle in his forehead and I shrugged. “I don’t know… I don’t really do dates”. “Aah, noona, stop it” Hongjoong whined loudly and I giggled when he realized I’d played with him, his lip curled up and he scrunched his nose, eyes squinting. “Give me twenty? I just need to rinse off” I said and turned around, fully expecting him to just say ‘ok’ and do the same but he followed me into the room, the door automatically slammed shut behind him. “What are you doing?” I asked and gave him a look of disapproval when he sat cross legged down on my bed. “I’m finished, why should I go back if you only need twenty minutes?” I scoffed and collected some clothes, not in the mood to argue because it would just take time that I needed to make me feel like myself again and it would most likely not lead anywhere anyway. Hongjoong smiled a victory smile and pulled out his phone from his pocket and I locked the bathroom door behind me. I rinsed off quickly, blow dried my hair and put on clothes fitting for the still quite cold south European weather. I skipped the make-up. It was too late anyway, and I was certain that I'd crash in my bed as soon as we'd get back. I went out again, and Hongjoong was lying on the bed now, legs lazily resting on the edge of it, his shirt slightly rid up to show the honeyed skin of his lower stomach and his fingertips lazily ran over it, mindlessly caressing the spot. Phone in his other hand and hair sprawled out like a blonde halo around his head and I inhaled sharply before my tongue flicked out to wet my lips. “Fucking tease” I cursed low under my breath, but apparently not low enough because Hongjoong chuckled softly, “You love it” and I shook my head as I collected my walled, phone and key-card, “In your dreams” “Well, you certainly know that now, don’t you?” He winked at me and I felt my cheeks flush when the memories of him rubbing his hard cock on my thigh flashed in my mind. I stuck out my tongue at him and he only smiled as he put on the big sweatshirt, pulled the hood over his head to cover his hair and fished out a black face mask out of one of the pockets so that only his eyes were shown and my heart sank when I saw him disguising his appearance. The remembrance of the fact that we never could go on a real date hit hard and I looked away again, pain in my heart when his warm hand found mine. - Budapest and the weather was sunny on my skin when I walked to the venue. My steps quick and hands in my pockets to protect them from the biting wind. I wore headphones, deep into a conversation about a sudden wardrobe malfunction, hence me rushing over to fix it. “Could you get a Frappuccino for me on your way back?” Hongjoong asked at the other end of the line and I scoffed out a small laugh. “Maybe. If I have time” I respond and he answered with a small ‘Yay’ before he got quiet again, embarrassed that he’d ripped the fabric on one of the main costumes. “I don’t know how you’ve put up with me for this long, but I love you for it” He said softly to break the small pause and I froze in the middle of a step, gave an apologizing smile to the person who walked behind me on the sidewalk when I forced them to step around me as I collected myself for a second. “Don’t say things like that,” I said between clenched teeth and looked at both sides of the road before I skipped over, angry with his reckless words as my heart flipped like crazy in my chest. “What, I can’t say that I appreciate what you do for me? I know that I should say it more often” He said, a mix of confidence and apology in his voice, like it was the most obvious thing in the world and I couldn’t answer him without revealing just how much it really meant that he choose the word ‘love’ out of every word he could’ve chosen. “I mean it though, the appreciating part I mean” He hurried to correct himself and I gulped, my mouth dry, “Every little thing you do makes me want to hold onto you forever and never let you go” - Stockholm and the city lights reflected on the water that ran through the city a few hundred meters from my balcony. It was cold outside; the clock had passed midnight and I wrapped my duvet tighter around my body before I took another sip of my hot tea. Soft piano music played on low volume from my phone’s speakers and Hongjoong was beside me, curled up with his head in my lap, softly humming along with the song. The light from his phone’s screen illuminated his features as he scrolled down twitter, looking through the tags from tonight's show. My fingers in his hair, softly combing through it while I looked up at the clear night sky, stars twinkling, and a big full moon was our only company and I felt a strange calmness in my soul. A feeling that I wanted to save in a treasure chest and cherish forever. - Warsaw and I stood with the other styling noonas in the corridor below the stage, the next clothes change already prepared on racks beside us, ready to work fast in the top five minutes it had to take before they needed to go back out on stage. The song ended and I braced myself when Hongjoong came strutting crotch first down the stairs, walking like he usually did after being on stage for an hour, adrenaline in his bloodstream, pumped up from the audience, fringe combed back, sweat dripping down his template, collected on his brows, and cupids bow and I swallowed hard when his black eyes met mine. An almost diabolical fire burning in them and the feeling of being approached by one of Lucifer’s demons made me take a step back and he grabbed my wrist to stop me from bumping into a colleague. My breath hitched when he pulled me back towards him sharply and he wasted no time to start to undress himself with one brow raised, “I really have to do it myself, huh?” He said and I broke out of the trance I was in and swatted away his hand that’d already undone the first two buttons on his jacket, “You know I’d give anything for you to repeat this action after the show is done and we’re alone, right?” He whispered, loud enough for only me to hear and I gave him a look of warning from underneath my eyelashes, “Don’t” I whispered back but couldn’t help but swallow hard as my imagination ran wild. “I know that you know how bad I want it. I can see that you’re thinking about it right now. Fuck, I could eat you out for hours if you’d only let me feel how good you’d clench around my cock” He smirked now and I pressed my lips into a thin line, his back was turned to the rest of the people in the room and the result of his dirty talk and vivid imagination showed up as a bulge in his underwear and I couldn’t help but glance, hoping that no one saw me do so. He sighed, eyes searched for mine and I held out the clothes for him to take. “There’s no time to mess around, Joong” I whispered back at him, annoyed as his eyelids fell when he indulged in the feeling of my body nearly flushing against him, curling a lock of my hair around his finger and I swallowed when I met his eyes. “I know, I know. It’s the energy I get from the show and you here, looking like a dream… I-” “Really need to put on these clothes now, please” I interrupted and held up the striped woollen shirt and black pants higher. He wet his lips, took the pants and I looked away, chewed frustratedly on my cheek as he winced when he pulled up the zipper, trapping his half hard cock in the uncomfortable tightness of them. “You really only have yourself to blame” I said, arms crossed, and he gave me a smug look underneath his eyelashes, “It’s worth it though. I’m not the only one who just got horny, am I?” I didn’t answer him and he gave me another look, a cocky smile on his lips as his eyes flicked over my body and I clenched my legs involuntarily, feeling the heat there pulsating happily from the teasing and he just tilted his head, one eyebrow raised saying ‘I told you so’ without using any words. - Moscow and the boys had been gone all day. They wrapped up the shooting of their little series, finished the performance video for ‘Promise’ and then had a final dinner together to celebrate part one of their first world tour. I’d been busy myself, finishing up with packing everything back into their bags and made sure that nothing was left forgotten. It was late when I got back at the hotel, my body hurt from standing up for fourteen hours straight and I stumbled into my room, ready to go to bed. We had to be up early tomorrow, the flight left at 09:00 and I had to take another walk around the venue before leaving, mainly because I just wanted to make sure that I had everything. I opened the door, and almost took a leap back out when I saw that the bed was already occupied. “What are you doing here?” I asked and Hongjoong looked up from his phone, gave me an uninterested look and then focused back on the screen. “I was bored so I wanted to visit but you weren’t here, so I decided to wait” He said without looking at me and I gave him a surprised look, a wrinkle between my brows. Maybe I got a little insulted from his apathetic reaction to me because I couldn’t help myself from smacking his leg, a bit irritated, not hard to hurt, but hard enough to earn a reaction from him as he winched and looked at me with offended eyes. “I’m tired, go away” I complained but he shook his head, “Don’t wanna. Why’d you hit me?” He said, pouted slightly and my head cocked to the side. “How did you even get in here?” I avoided his question completely and he chuckled lightly, combed his fingers through his hair, locked his phone and placed it on the bed beside him. “I convinced a staff member that you’d be sleeping at the venue and I wanted a room for myself” He smiled proudly, and I scoffed out a small laugh. “So, do you want to spend the night or what is just something you wanted to say?” I asked and covered my mouth as I yawned and Hongjoong’s eyes twinkled dangerously, “Depends…" He said and I placed my hands on my waist, not up for any teasing, “I need to be up early tomorrow” I said, and he nodded, “I know, I know” He said and sat up from the bed, threw his legs over the edge and was just about to stand up when he stumbled, and I rushed forward to grab his shirt and pushed him back onto the bed to stop him from hitting his head into the bedside table. I frowned and leaned over him, inhaled sharply near his face and he giggled, “Have you been drinking?” I asked and he gave me a secretive smile, “Not a lot, just a glass of dessert wine they served after they wrapped up the recording” He shrugged, and I gave him a look that spoke of how much I didn’t believe him, and he rolled his eyes, “Ok, three glasses but that was only because Mingi didn't want his and they accidently served Jongho. He can legally drink here, isn’t that crazy? I mean, he’s just a baaaabyyy” he dragged out the last word longer than necessary and I sighed. I really just wanted to go to bed. A sober Hongjoong was a pain in the ass to get rid of and I could only imagine how hard it would be now when he was tipsy. The alcohol seemed to have hit him like a train the same second he’d tried to stand up and forced the intoxicated blood to run properly through his body. “Come, let’s get you back to your room” I said and held out my hand for him to take. But he clenched his hands close to his body, a frown on his face as he said a short and very determined “No” much like a defiant toddler. I sighed, rolled my eyes and shook my head, “You’re not gonna sleep here in the state you’re in” “Why not?” He pouted and threw his arms above his head in protest, his shirt rode up slightly and my eyes flicked to the exposed skin before my eyes met his again and I bit on my tongue. “Because I’d bet both my kidneys that you’re a horny drunk and that in combination with whatever we have between us will not end good” I said and felt a blush flush my cheeks pink when he smirked, his tongue flicked out to lick his lower lip and he looked at me from hooded eyes. “Define good, darling. Because I’d make you feel good in an instant” He said and I shook my head at his words, “Don’t call me darling, come on, let’s go” I said and held out my hand again. His brows rose, a smirk on his lips and he sat up slightly, leaned back on his elbows as he took my words as a challenge. “Do you prefer me to be even more formal? I can call you noonim?” His head cocked to the side and he bit his lip, eyes glossy as he undressed me with his eyes and I sighed at his determination to earn a reaction from me, “No? How about something cuter, then… Sweetheart? Baby? Baby girl?” I looked away and felt a blush flush my cheeks pink and he chuckled under his breath, “Wow, I never would’ve guessed that you enjoyed being called something like that. You always need to be so much in control. So calm and collected all the time and all you want is someone to absolutely dominate you, huh?” I bit my lower lip, my breath hitched in my throat and his fingers came down to stroke the small exposed skin of his stomach, his shirt raised as his fingers travelled up, and I swallowed as I watched. His pants low enough to expose the soft dark hair that trailed under his belly button and I bit my lip to repress a small groan, tried to stop myself from squirming at the sight of him. I’d seen him without a shirt countless times by now, but this was so much different than any other time. His fingers traced the soft skin of his toned frame and I gave him a pained expression, my mind told me that I should stop him, but I knew in my heart that I couldn’t. He pulled his shirt over his head, tossed it at the side of the bed and I cursed under my breath, my mouth went dry and I wanted to close my eyes, like I didn’t deserve to see him like this. “Fuck, baby. I’d ask you to touch me but I don’t know if I’d be able to stop myself from holding my part of our deal if you did” He moaned and I chewed anxiously on my cheek as arousal burned between my legs when he touched himself, fingers slipped into the edge of his pants and his already half hard cock dented against the zipper from my admiration of his body. “I want to touch you too…” I gasped and he looked at me, lips parted, and gulped at my words. “Then do it, please” He whined, and I shook my head, “You know that I can’t. I… I want you to come without my touch” I moaned out and he melted into the mattress, eyes rolled back as he submitted to his own lust and placed a cupped hand over his clothed cock, and he immediately bucked into his own hand. I felt my eyes tear up slightly from wanton lust as he stroked down his length through his pants, thrusting hard into his hand and I had to brace myself from swatting away his hand and replace it with my own. He locked his eyes with me, and I clenched around nothing as I felt my wetness soak my panties. This new side of him, seeing him lose control in front of me, his lust for me so big that he got hard with me still fully dressed and without my touch, made me breathless. I swallowed hard, walked around the bed, and laid down next to him. He gave me a confused look over his shoulder and I shuddered under his gaze. “Lay like me and don’t look anywhere else than my face” I said, and a groan left his lips when I unbuttoned my pants and pulled them down to my ankles. He copied what I did, and I kept eye contact with him as he plunged his hand into his underwear, threw his head back into the pillow as his hand closed around his cock and I heard how he pulled on his length, already slick from pre-cum. I did the same and placed two fingers on my clit, lazily rubbing myself as he locked his gaze with me again, breath coming out in short pants, eyes black and glossy and I moaned as he thrusted hard into his hand. I imagined how it would’ve felt if those hard thrusts were to move my body in that same rhythmic dance he created. I cursed under my breath and tried to focus on getting to the finish line with him, fighting off the need to just scream fuck it and straddle his hips, impale myself on his cock and ride him until we’d forget our names. “Fuck, babe. I bet your dripping. I, ah…” He clenched his eyes shut, paused to flick his wrist a certain way and I forced myself not to look down to see what he was doing, “I bet you’d taste so good, I could drink you for hours. Not stopping until you’re begging me to do so, overstimulated and writhing under my touch. Can you imagine that for me, baby? Imagine my fingers in your sweet tight cunt and my tongue licking you up” He cursed again, and I sobbed out a moan. “Tell me what you’d do to me” He groaned, and I sighed, “I’d let you fuck my throat so hard I wouldn’t be able to talk the next day” I exaggerated slightly but it did the trick because the image of it made him moan, deep and guttural, and his head fell back against the pillow again and I swallowed hard, “I’d let you fuck me raw, no condom to keep you from feeling every part of me, taking me however you want, my cunt would swallow you down so good, warm and wet and you’d never want to finish because the feeling of me tight around you would be so good you’d see stars. I’d let you cum in me, filling me up to the brink” My breath hitched as I imagined everything I just said and I stood on the edge, ready to fall over and Hongjoong moaned again, his breathing laboured. “I’m coming babe… Look at me” He ordered, and I complied, met his brown eyes and I choked on my breath as I finally saw what I’d only had been imagining so far. Gasping as he groaned softly, a wrinkle between his brows and his body tensed up, face contorted as he shuddered, and I heard the soft splattered as his cum cover his lower stomach. I fell shortly after, twitching and pulsating as the electric feeling spread through my body and he smiled at the sight of me, eyes so filled with warmth and affection that I had to look away. A shaky breath leaving his lips and I bit my lip and looked up at the ceiling. Content but knowing in the back of my mind how amazing it would’ve felt if we laid skin against skin.

#kim hongjoong #kim hongjoong smut #kim hongjoong/reader #ateez kim hongjoong #part 5

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survivingtw · 5 years

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[TRAVEL] Amsterdam

HELLLOOOOOOO!

If you’re a follower who has forgotten who I am because I tend to post almost regularly for a month or whatever and then not at all --- Hi, I’m Mat. My bad.

If you’re wondering why I’m STILL uploading Europe stuff ... that would be because I suck at getting organized and, writing this means my trip is over and I’m NOT ACCEPTING IT WELL.

Anyway, back to Amsterdam.

Dunno if you’re a fan of flowers.

I don’t know how old you are, where you are from, if you identify as a male, female or think thats overrated and we should just be whoever the hell we want to be ---- flowers are gorgeous.

When I was a teen, I remember thinking “What’s the point? They’re just going to die and you’ll have to throw them away anyway” WRONG. If we think about everything in life that way then there really isn’t any point to doing much.

Experiences will end.

Things will be thrown out and new things will take it’s place.

You’ll meet your soulmates boyfriend.

It’s really all going to end --- but, we enjoy it anyway because sometimes those things that are limited or have an expiration date are beautiful and should be appreciated.

Tulips are pretty.

The rumors are trumers, assholes. Stroopwafels are everything.

(Excuse my dry AF hand, Europe was dry and my poor, weak body is used to the hot and humid weather of Taiwan now --- she has a hard time).

Didn’t hear much about them until I was on my way to Amsterdam (again, a city I barely knew a thing about because surprises are fun, right?) and someone told me to buy one. Bought a little mini pack in the supermarket and BOOM! My black and broken heart was mended back together with its warm, sweet and chewy self. Shall return for you, my dear.

There are a lot of bikes in Amsterdam and I find bike lanes scary.

I already get paranoid making sure I’m walking on the right side of a sidewalk and not being a total dick to everyone around me. On top of that, I don’t want to get ran over by cars --- and now I have to worry about getting hit by some idiot on a bike? .... fine.

It rained a bit while I was in the Netherlands. Guess it does that a lot.

Honestly, I enjoyed the atmosphere. Chilly, but so different.

I find Dutch the weirdest language. My friend language is English, my dad’s family speaks French and although I was never bothered to learn it, I’m Canadian so it’s familiar. And I speak Chinese so ---- WHY DOES DUTCH SOUND THE WAY IT DOES?

Long story short, I did the research and I understand why now. I just thought it was so strange sometimes cause with the sounds mimicking English at times, I felt like I was supposed to get what was going on --- but didn’t.

Side Note: Dutch people are pretty. I was at a tram stop one night and some English lad asked me what “vertraagd” meant and I lied out my ass and said “oh yeah it means delayed, and the time next to it is when it’s expected”. After googling I realized I was actually right ---- but wait. DO I LOOK DUTCH? Such an unexpected compliment XD

Anyway, unless I find some random photo I want to post, this is finally the last of my trip in Europe.

I find it really difficult to sum up. I didn’t plan on taking this trip primarily alone but, the solitude was surprisingly inspirational. I was able to manage and still enjoy my time. I ate out, drank, laughed and awed. I met some incredible people, just by chance, and they will always have a place in my heart.

It’s way to much to ask but, I hope I can have the chance to explore there again.

#amsterdam #netherlands #trams #tulips #travel #expat #abroad

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irndad · 6 years

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the ring- b.b.

title: the ring

ship: bucky barnes x reader

wc: ~3.1k

a/n: okAY HELLO! i wrote this and it’s. stressful af and i love this fic so much. lowkey wrote this for @smokeandmirrorscloakanddagger

summary: i literally dont even know its long and pretty and i tried hard and its really angst and also cute shit. ITALICS ARE DREAMS SCENES

masterlist

In the year 2018, in a body that hasn’t aged since the 40’s, James Buchanan Barnes finds himself hypnotized once again by time, which has again been stolen from him.

Bucky wakes with a woman’s hand around his hand, fingers tracing up the length of his palm, tearful gaze pointed at his chest and evidence of tears on her lovely face.

God, maybe it’s because it’s hazy, but he swears she’s the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen in all his life. When she leans over him, concern etched in her features, she looks like the kind of tragedy geniuses spend years trying to put into words.

“Hello?” He rasped, and that is when he got a good look at the eyes that belonged to the pretty girl by his bed, as they blew wide to look at him. And her grin, spread wide across her face, that was the stuff of salvation.

“Hey, soldier.” She smiles, looking at him with such adoration that he feels guilty for not being able to return the intensity of the gaze. Even still, she looks like something out of a dream, her smile so gorgeous on him, and he almost manages a smile back.

She helps him sit up, and he gets the feeling he’s supposed to know who she is, can see it in the way she runs her thumb over his, hands clasped to his like he’s her tether to the world.

He’s not used to being people’s light, their hope.

The last thing he remembers is sitting in a room with Wanda and Steve, playing cards, managing to keep their minds off of the way the Avengers are split.

But it all seems to end at once, her hand pulling away so abruptly, he wonders if he’s done something to make think of him the way everyone else does, wonders if she’s just remembered who the he is.

“Shit, Bucky, Banner said you won’t remember much, I’m so sorry I shouldn’t have-“

“Banner?” He questions, mainly to cut her off so this beautiful stranger doesn’t have to have that tone of worry buried in her loving tone.

“You don’t know who Banner is?”

She rushes out of the room then, not before pressing a kiss to his forehead, lingering and hard.

The hand he held had a ring on, as well.

_____________________________

The girl with the ring had a pretty name, and apparently he had learned it a year and a half ago.

It had been a year and a half since the last thing he could remember, which he has a hard time wrapping his mind around, and he hates it, hates how he can’t remember anything again.

It turns out Wanda is why, on a mission infiltrating a Hydra base she’d thrown some of her magic, which always had been very specific in it’s course, had faltered and hit him, square in the head.

And apparently, it had made him forget the last year and a half.

The updates from this year from everyone seem to be shocking, moreso than he ever could’ve expected. For one, Tony stark and him happen to be a type of friends, having moved past what he’d done, Stark helping him regain consciousness and his memories, Bucky living in the Avengers facility as one of them.

It all sounds too good to be true, when (Y/N) sits down and explains it to him, her voice crooning and lovingly soft, in a way that her somehow finds familiar, although he’s sure he’d know if he’d heard something so sweet before.

It’s too good to be true that things worked out for him, that they worked out well enough o have something of a place to come home to.

“You have a family,” the beautiful face he’d awoken to had said that night, looking at him with the most earnest expression he’d ever seen, as if she’d read her thoughts with a once over, “You have a home here. With us.”

_____________________________

As it turns out, Banner is the Hulk, and he was another one of Bucky’s friends. He apparently had been very social this last year and change.

This will fade, according to Bruce. He will come back to himself, the one who knows and loves these people. He will get his memories back.

Two months in, (Y/N) is all he has, really.

She sits with him. She takes care of him. She makes sure he eats, takes his meds, plays board games with him and watches Netflix with him so he’ll never have a bored minute.

She does all of this while looking as close to heaven as a person can get, with a laugh that sounds like a breeze and a face he could spend forever trying to memorize and still never get it quite right.

The ring.

The band itself is small, but the rock’s big, and he knows that whoever gave it to her probably was some man with much more money than Bucky, with much more everything than Bucky, and he knew every time that he looked at it that he had no business looking at her the way he was.

She was awfully hard to pull his gaze from, though.

There was a symbol right there on her hand that her heart belonged to someone else, and there he was, falling in love with it anyway.

This evening, she’s wearing a maroon top and nightie shorts and her eyes are drowsy, with fingers wrapped around a cup of tea (she’d taught him how to make it the way she likes it, it strikes him how familiar the motions feel.)

“Oh, Bruce told me to tell you you’re gonna experience some memories as dreams.” She says it offhandedly, before spooning a bit of ice cream into her mouth.

He feels his mouth go dry, thinking of having to remember meeting the love of her life, watching that gorgeous smile curl around someone else’s gaze. Maybe he was able to cope then, but he fell in love with her, now and surely then, and reliving the man who was ten times better for her, well.

It might kill him, quite honestly.

That night, he dreams the prettiest thing.

_____________________________

“I’m (Y/N).” The girl said, her hands outstretched and smile bright, Tony behind her, slightly uncomfortable around Bucky. She’s a family friend of the Stark’s, although much younger than Tony, still close and loving to him.

Bucky tries not to stare, but it’s hard; he’s never met someone like her before. She looks too lovely for the world to have conjured up on it’s own.

If he believed in that sort of thing, he’d say a higher power had a hand in her radiating that warmth he feels in the pit of his stomach, wrapping around him like a bow.

“I’ve heard your name is James?”

“Bucky. Call me Bucky.” He even manages to return her smile.

_____________________________

The next morning, she has a cup of coffee on the counter, and she’s sitting on the counter, a smile on her pretty mouth, and he feels the swing in his chest when she says his name.

“Buck! Come on, I made you coffee and I figured we could try and read your favorite book together.”

She holds up a copy of it, and explains how they used to read it together when he couldn’t sleep, and she’d fallen in love with the story as well.

She’s such an amazing friend, he notes, smiling back at her and admiring her, sitting on the counter like she knows Tony will have her head for doing so.

“Sounds great, doll.”

She freezes at the pet name.

It’s a millisecond, really, but he notices it because he’s attuned to her, and what was he thinking? She is not his girlfriend, not even close and never would be. She’s not his doll or his girl, and most likely her being here was a result of her charity, not of her affection towards him.

God, he feels so stupid.

Like he’s 15 again, a dumb kid with a crush on a girl he will never be with. He’s not dumb enough to believe it, and he’s an idiot.

There’s a ring on her finger, and that’s only one of the thousands of reasons why loving her is ill-fated.

_____________________________

“You’re so pretty,” he heard her crooning voice, and his chuckle follows. She’s tired and a little loopy but there’s unmistakable love in her eyes, her fingers trailing up and down his chest, and he adores the feeling of it, her soft fingers running across his skin.

“You’re exhausted,” he murmured, lips pressed to the bare skin of her shoulder, her heart beat almost syncing with his.

“Mm,” she hums again, her voice soft with drowsiness and affection.

It’s a kind of warmth he’s never felt, not in the 40’s and never here, never in this world that chased him down the moment he realized where he was.

“Let’s get you to bed, doll.” She looks like a vision in a party dress, glittery and green with bracelets around her wrist, with color on her lips.

Rouge? That’s what his mother had called it, in her cupboard in the bathroom.

She lets him carry her to bed, smiling up at him like he’s the sun and she’s the moon, and she’d spend forever in his orbit if he let her.

He’s never, ever been looked at like that.

She pulls up her head to meet his lips, then falls asleep quite promptly, her curled hair stretched like a halo behind her.

She is quite like an angel.

_____________________________

Wish fulfillment. He thinks that’s what the doctor called it, when he had dreams about things he wish he could have. It seems to happen more often these days, and he has to differentiate what’s real and what is just something he wishes he could have.

He knows the dreams about her felt vivid, but it can’t have been real- she’s got a ring on her finger he could never afford, and a heart that could never love someone like him.

He’s seen the way she speaks to the agent on top of Bucky’s recovery. And he knows it’s awful of him to hate the guy, to loathe the sight of him but he can’t help but connect the dots of the ring on her finger to the hug she gives him on his way out.

“Who was that?” He hears himself ask. He doesn’t want to know.

“Agent Mackenzie. He’s been a lifesaver with your case, ba-“ She swallows hard, “Bucky.”

Together, they go through photos of them together. Hoping to jog something.

Bucky had thought he must’ve been in love with her before, and these photos- he must have been doing a great job hiding it, because they just look joyful in most of them.

One sticks out, though.

Her eyes are clenched shut, starburst crinkles by her eyes and there he is, giving her that look- like she hung the moon in the sky and he’d placed all the stars in the sky to see that pretty laugh.

He obviously hadn’t been subtle.

_____________________________

The mission is over. He’s home, at the compound and he’s safe, his home steps away and Bucky has never really been intrigued by cliches.

The movie scene picturesque moment of a girl running into the returning soldier- it never really struck him as something he needed to feel in his life. Wasn’t really on his bucket list.

But there she was, smiling and running into him in a way that was anything but pretty, his arms wrapping her up, her head in the crook of his neck. Her holding onto him like he’s some sort of miracle.

Which is funny, because that’s exactly what she is to him.

“‘M home, doll.” He says, joy laced in every word he speaks, his tone breathy and her lips are on his cheek and he feels like something higher has given him some sort of gift.

“You do that again, I’ll kill you myself. Don’t have to wait for Hydra.” She mumbles into his neck, not allowing for either of them to move, which is just fine, if you ask him.

“Noted, sweet girl.”

He kisses her then, and he’s never seen anything so cliche as her hand on his cheek and her body tethered to his.

He loves it, and her.

_____________________________

It can’t be real.

He’s not that lucky.

She doesn’t have her tea with him that morning, she’s busy working on his recovery plan.

He wonders is Agent Mackenzie will be there.

He doesn’t want to know.

It’s three months in, when Bucky’s awaiting what should be an immediate memory retrieval. In full. One day, Banner had said, he will wake up and know everything.

He can’t wait.

_____________________________

Tony and him are having dinner, and Bucky is laughing at one of his jokes, which happen to be very funny. He never knew Stark’s kid would turn out to be such a jokester.

“So, when you popping the question?” He hears Tony say, sincerity in his tone although jovial.

“Huh?”

“You know, gettin’ tied down. Well, I mean, I don’t know if you’re into that sort of stuff. No judgment. Consent and the like.”

“One of these days I’m gonna punch you, Stark.”

“I’m adorable!” Tony laughed, before he resettles on the topic at hand, “(Y/N). You gonna marry her?”

“I, uh,” he pauses. This is something he hates about himself, how unsure he sounds in this sense. Of course, he wants to marry her. She’s the best thing that's ever happened to him. She’s the thing that makes all the pain he’s been through worth it.

The issue is, though, is he can’t.

He can’t afford a ring. At least one she would deserve.

“You know those rings, I’m not sitting on a wad of cash.” Tony looks at him like he’s a dumbass and maybe he is, feeling his pointed gaze.

“Dude.”

It’s stupid, it’s stupid but he wants to make her happy and give her the life she deserves, especially if he becomes her husband.

“I know, but I’m saving up-“

“Don’t be stupid. I’ll float you some cash. Call it an engagement gift.” Tony says it before popping a cherry in his mouth and the words sit in the air, his generosity said like it was nothing when it was everything.

“You don’t-“

“I have known (Y/N) her whole life, Buck,” Tony says, eyes surprisingly genuine. “She was fine before you, but…” Tony takes a sip of his drink, before looking at him again, “But when she met you, it’s like she became a new woman. She’s family and if you’re the key to her smiling like that every day, then I’ll get you the biggest ring in the world, kid.”

Buck freezes, a side of Tony he’s never seen. He doesn’t know how to say thank you, doesn’t know how to say he loves her and he can’t believe they’ve come this far.

They take a shot of whiskey Tony loves and Bucky hates, before Bucky’s grin says everything.

“You hurt her I’ll kill you, without the suit.”

_____________________________

He wakes in a cold sweat in the middle of the night.

He falls asleep before he can really think about what he remembered.

_____________________________

“Baby,” he hears himself say, a catch in his throat. God, she’s so beautiful, looking up at him through teary lashes and he could spend forever with her. In fact, that’s what he’s asking.

He’s done it at a party Tony had thrown for “no reason” and there she is, in that same damn green dress, fingers clutching a glass of champagne she’s barely drank from, her sweet smile on her pretty, gorgeous.

“I love you. I mean, obviously. I know you know that, but god it’s like I can feel it on everything I do, like it follows me everywhere I go. And I know I’m an old man with not a whole lot-don’t interrupt me baby, please- but when I met you, it’s like everything I’ve been through, it was all worth it.”

The fall, the soldier he never wanted to be, the life he’d never had a choice in leaving behind- he’d do it all again.

He’s holding a beautiful ring in one hand, looking up at her, isn’t that something? He’s always looking up at her. Fitting. She’s an angel, after all.

“I’d do it again, doll. I’d do it a million times over if it meant I’d get to be with you. And that’s all I’m asking, I suppose. That you have an old man’s heart and I’m beggin’ you to take care of it as long as we live.

“So will you-“

She’s kissing him, smiling up into it, nodding fervent, and is she crying? She’s crying, so fucking beautiful when she cries and when she laughs and when she does any goddamn thing.

“Of course, Bucky. You never even had to ask.”

_____________________________

He wakes up and he.

He remembers.

Remembers when he met her, remembers falling in love with her, who he is, and how lucky he is that she loves him back.

He runs out of his room, and it must be something like 3 in the morning when he sees her, sleepless in the kitchen, kept away from the love of her life.

That ache he’s felt, away from his soulmate- she’s had it too.

“Doll,” he says, and her head whips to him, eyes blown wide and looking at him with astonishment and hope.

Hope that he’d come back to her.

“I remember. I remember everything.”

Then she’s wrapped around him again, like two tree roots melded together and he’s never felt such grace as her being around him. He’s going to spend forever loving her.

“I wasn’t allowed to tell you,” she says, muffled into his tank, “Said it would make it quicker if you organically got your memories back.”

“Sweet girl, I could never be mad at you.” All the nights spent without him, all the days thinking he didn’t remember how to love her.

She kisses him, soft and slow.

“For the record,” he says, smiling lighting up at her like a beacon, “I loved you every moment.”

@frecklesholland @heckin-good-holland @afoxwonderland@radicalstars @once-upon-a-walking-wolf-demigod@thecreativeangel@barnesvogue@nedthegay@nevaehsuga @the-girl-with-no-plan@llotrr@uglygirlkk@macfullyloaded17@dianileesawsomeness@readixgkodie615@blamebangtan@emgrace728@nedslaptop@dangerousluv1@midtownsparker @loverboy-holland @princeofsassgard@rareunicorntris912 @sammy-holland@livingoffsavvyillusions @painterwithhope@spiderboytotherescue@yoitsnotkim

@pandartist

@vampireloveandfun @gracethegeek9902 @spectacularspiderman58 @not-reptilian @ashleyhearto@thehollandcommittee @holtzmannnd@tmrhollandkay

#bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky imagine #james bucky barnes #winter soldier #the winter solider imagine #the winter solider x reader

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2k17cashton · 7 years

Text

The Final Task (Gryffindor! Calum)

perhaps the most requested thing in the history of my blog

pairing: reader&Calum

warnings: just some swearing I guess

word count: 7,310 (this is long af)

summary: The final task of the Triwizard Tournament and also the 4th part to my hogwarts!calum series, I suggest you read part one, two, and three before you dive into this one.

Time passes by quickly at Hogwarts. There is always something to do, whether it’s studying, taking spontaneous trips to Hogsmeade, exploring dark parts of the Castle, going through restricted areas, visiting Hagrid’s Hut for a quick chat and one of his hard as stone cookies or even just spending countless hours in the library reading and doing nothing else.

Time is such an odd concept, you can’t feel it, you can’t tell if it has an end, you just know it’s surrounding you from every part. Time takes away everything around you, all the things you might get accustomed to, time makes sure they’re not there forever. The icy grass has slowly gained back its color and it started growing again, the dead flowers have raised high once again, beaming in the sun, the leafs have gone back to living on the trees, not on the ground. And it’s all because of time.

But time can also be evil. It can bring excruciating pain. The pain of waiting for something to happen is brutal, it consists of bitten fingernails and bouncy feet, fast beating hearts and shivers running through your body. And that is the only thing time has given you lately. Pain.

The cold weather is long gone now, warm wind beating against the trees, making branches shake and birds fly high into the sky, past the clouds. The wind is no longer something everyone fears, but rather something they enjoy. It’s not violent, it’s like a touch across the tops of your shoulders, it’s soothing. It’s one of the only touches you can enjoy, all the others seem to startle you and make you flinch away. You’ve been avoiding any kind of interraction for a while now anyway.

It’s not because you wanted to, god no, every time he touched you, you used to quiver under his hands and push closer into him, wanting it all across your body. Now, all it did was leave you cold. Wherever his fingers would trace across your skin, you would shiver and feel icy lines imprinted into you. It wasn’t comforting anymore, it left you feeling pain and cold all over.

It led to arguments, tremendous arguments, screaming and crying and lots and lots of pain. There were angry “I love you’s” and the feeling of not being able to breathe. And it hurt, not only you, but him as well. It hurt every single time he would throw the words at you, they just seemed so vain, almost as if he was struggling to get them to you, to send them right through you so you could feel their power, but you couldn’t. They were empty, just like you.

“God dammit, Y/N! I’m trying my fucking best over here and you’re not helping at all!” He screamed, throwing away any kind of hope that was left of a decent conversation.

“Stop yelling, Calum.” You sighed, letting the book fall from your hands to the ground, not even able to hold it any more.

“No, you stop being so calm! Yell, scream, say something!” He clearly wasn’t going to stop, and you weren’t in the mood to fight back either, but he wanted for you to. Needed it.

“I don’t want to!” He finally got a reaction, which you didn’t want to give, but you couldn’t just hold it in anymore. “I’m tired of yelling, Calum, I’m tired of all of this! My lungs hurt, my head is dizzy and my whole body aches, can you just stop already?” You ended on a quieter note, dropping your head into your hands.

“Yeah, well, so am I. I’m tired of you acting like this, you haven’t said anything to me in over a week, talk to me!” He sighed exasperated and dropped to his knees in front of you, placing his hands on your thighs, trying to get you to look at him.

“I’m talking.” You said quietly, leaning slightly into him, because despite everything, you still wanted to feel him close; he became like air and every time he was away for too long, you couldn’t breathe.

“Not like this.” He sighed, pressing his forehead to your knees. “You’re not talking to me, you just talk to make noise. It’s like you don’t want me to be here.” His unruly hair was covering his face and you wanted so badly to run your fingers through the curls, but you didn’t. “Do you want me to go, Y/N?” He looked up at you through shaky and tired eyelids. “Do you want me to leave you alone?” He said, the words most likely stinging his tongue. “Because I will. As much as it hurts, I’ll go.” He waited for you to say something, but it was all in vain.

You couldn’t talk. You had no idea what you wanted. “It’s Calum, Calum, Calum! All you want, all you need, it’s him!” Your brain kept on yelling at you, but you ignored the distant voice until it faded away. He surrounded you from every part, intoxicated the air you breathed and completely blurred your vision, the only thing you could see, breathe and taste was him. And it wasn’t good. It was toxic, it was even worse that you didn’t want for it to stop. But you had to stop it. No matter how much it hurt.

“All I need…” You said in a shaky breath, Calum’s eyes lighting up at the sound of your voice. “Is time.” But that is obviously not what he wanted to hear. “Just some time.”

So he gave you time. He gave you all the time in the world. His chest hurt at night every time he would wake up from dreaming of you and his fingertips would tingle with the need of feeling your skin, but he waited. Give her time.

You had no idea why you wanted time, why time was so important. Days were passing by excruciatingly slow without Calum and the nights seemed even longer, almost never-ending. He was like a drug that you had to leave behind in order to get better and back on track. And slowly, as the days passed right by you, it seemed like a good decision.

It wasn’t until weeks later when you finally bumped into each other. He skipped every class you had together, was never present for breakfast, lunch or dinner, never played Quidditch and never tagged along to the weekly Hogsmeade trips. He wanted you to have all the space and time away from him. But as much as he tried to stay away, he couldn’t hide forever.

“Hi.” He breathed out when he saw you, his voice barely audible.

“Hey, Calum.” Your eyes were glued to his face, finally seeing him for the first time in almost three weeks.

As much as you had joked before about him never growing any facial hair and teasing him every time he shaved for basically no reason, you could now see he really looked to be in need of a shave. He had deep dark circles under his eyes and his skin looked dry. You can’t say you looked any better, most likely the same. Well, except for the beard.

“H-How have you been?” He asked shakily, his eyes shifting anywhere but on your face.

“I’ve been better.” You smiled slightly, and he nodded, most likely agreeing. “You, uh…” You shook your head, trying to clear your thoughts. “You got a haircut.”

“Yeah.” He chuckled, running his fingers through the short curls. “Figured it was about time.” You nodded, agreeing.

“Looks good.” You bit your lip, contemplating your next words, but then just thinking “screw it” and going for it. “What are you doing tonight?”

So you waited for the time to pass, but it just seemed to stay still. It’s almost as if the clock had been cursed to stay into place and not move. Seconds seemed to turn into minutes and minutes into hours. Just ten more minutes until everyone went to sleep and you could sneak out. Ten more minutes of biting your nails and running your fingers through your hair until it got all tangled up again.

When the clock finally ticked nine, you bolted out of the room. Your steps echoed through the Ravenclaw Tower, so you decided to ditch your shoes and also your robe, throwing them onto the couch in the Common Room and tip toe out the door, wand clutched tightly between your fingers.

Looking around, you couldn’t see him. You decide it’s best to just stay in place, exactly where he said he’d meet you, and fidget with your fingers anxiously. Not even a minute passed by until you hear steps coming from behind you and you turn around, but don’t see anyone. Walking towards the staircase, no one is in sight. Frowning confused, you turn around and almost scream bloody murder, before he puts a finger over his lips and hushes you.

“You really need to stop getting so scared all the time.” He chuckles, backing away and you sigh, closing your eyes for a split second.

“And you really need to stop scaring me.” You retort, but drop the subject quickly.

“Sorry.” He says quietly, looking down at his feet and then frowning. “Where are your shoes?” He asks.

“Oh,” You remember, shaking your head. “I left them behind, they were making too much noise.” You turn around and start walking towards the stairs, but then frown and stop in your tracks, looking back at him. “Actually, I have no idea where I’m going.”

You haven’t wandered around the Castle this late since… well, since you last went to see Calum. And that seemed like such a distant memory now. Sometimes you would look at the clock on the wall at night and think to yourself just half an hour more, but then you’d realize no one was waiting for you anymore. So you stopped counting the minutes.

“Uh…” He thinks for a few seconds, then smiles. “Well, there’s always the Prefects’ bathroom. There’s no one there at this hour and it’s big and surprisingly very nice, we could- “You cut his rambling short.

“Calum, I don’t care if it’s the Prefects’ bathroom or Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom.” You start to make your way back towards him. “I only want a quiet place, just for us.” You whisper the last part and he looks at you through long eyelashes, biting his lip.

“Fuck, okay.” He nods quickly and goes to grab your hand, but then immediately stops himself. “Can I?”

Looking down at his expecting hand, you suddenly feel uneasy. You haven’t had any kind of contact in a very long time, the last few times his skin touched yours it left you cold on the inside and made you want to push him away. But you missed him, just remembering how his touch used to feel before makes your skin tingle, so you nod, slipping your fingers through his and breathing in deeply. He is warm, not cold against your skin anymore, and you had no idea until now how much you had missed this.

He gave a small smile, gripping onto your hand tighter and starting to walk towards the Hospital Wing where the Prefects’ bathroom was also located. The night was quiet, the only sound heard were your quick steps through the empty Castle. Reaching the 4th door down the long corridor, you hear Calum whisper “Pine Fresh” and the large door opens in front of you. You keep on taking small steps behind him, jumping a little bit in your place as the door shuts behind you.

“See? I told you it was nice.” He beams and you have to agree.

The bathroom, as odd as that might sound, is actually really beautiful. There are pictures of mermaids on stained glass windows, marble tiles and most importantly, a big tub, almost the size of a pool, in the middle of the room, overflowing with bubbles.

“You wanted to get me here so we could take a bath?” You grin and hold back a laugh when you see his eyes widening.

“No, no, no, it’s nothing like that, I just thought- “You shake your head with a giggle.

“Calum, I was kidding. It’s okay.” He breathes out in relief and still not letting go of your hand, he guides you close to the tub, sitting down and crossing his legs, you following his actions.

After that it’s silent for a while, the only sound in the room consists of the taps running different colored water and the bubbles popping. He doesn’t know what to say and neither do you, but he still doesn’t let go of you hand, no matter how clammy it got. He only grips on tighter.

“So- “You start to say, but he talks at the same time.

“I missed you.” He suddenly blurts out and you nod.

“Me too.” You feel his thumb run over the back of your hand and it’s comforting. “So much, Calum. You have no idea.”

“But I want to.” He says, his voice desperate. “I want to have idea how much you missed me.” He pushes closer to you, your knees touching. “I want to know why you left.” At that you sigh and break eye contact.

“I never left, I was still in my room.” You try to state the obvious, but that’s not the answer he was looking for. “I told you, I needed… time.”

“Time for what?” He pushes and you find it very hard to give him an exact answer.

“Ever since the Second Task.” You start with a sigh, gripping onto him tighter. “I just couldn’t…” You trail off, trying to find your words. “I couldn’t shake that feeling away. It’s like every time you touched me, I felt cold all over again. The exact same cold I felt that day at the lake.” Your eyes can’t possibly meet his, so you keep them glued onto his messily tied shoelaces.

“It hurt, Calum. I needed to get away from it.” Swallowing hard, you prepare yourself for saying the thing that had been bothering you most. “And what you said to me that day…” You trail off.

“What, that I loved you?” He says quietly and you nod. “You know I never lie to you, Y/N.”

“I know.” You nod quickly. “And that’s why it terrified me. Because you never lie.”

“The idea of me possibly being in love with you terrifies you?” He asks and you just nod, biting down on your lip. “Why?” He whispers quietly.

“I can’t, Calum- “He cuts you off when you begin shaking your head.

“No, don’t tell me you can’t say or you don’t know.” He says angrily. “I’m tired of that answer. Tell me how that makes you feel, tell me if you feel it too.” He leans closer to you, placing a hand on your thigh, and you exhale in relief when his fingers feel warm again, not cold. “Because I’m not taking my words back, Y/N.” He shakes his head from side to side. “Not now, not ever.”

“God dammit, Calum, I don’t want to love you!” You finally say exasperated. “As much as I want to say I do, I don’t want to admit it to myself.” Composing yourself, you let the words flow out of you. “I’m afraid that if you get hurt, if you…die.” The words hurt just saying them, but they are the truth. “Then I’ll be left here without you, without anything but empty words.” You feel your eyes get heavy with tears. “I’ll be left loving you and waiting for you to love me back, but it just wouldn’t happen.”

You don’t even realize how fast things are happening, you don’t remember the first sob that escaped your lips or his arms wrapping securely around you, a hand keeping your head hidden into his chest. You don’t know when you started crying and completely soaking his shirt, but all you know is that you feel good, right there, engulfed into his body.

A good ten minutes pass before you finally come back to reality. Your tears are now cold onto his shirt and slowly drying, lips swollen and eyes puffy. His arms are still secure around you and you sigh into him, pressing your cheek to his heart, hearing it beat beneath you and making you relax.

“I’m not going anywhere, sweet cheeks.” He whispers after a while, voice hoarse. “You’re stuck with me forever.” You can already tell just by the way he talks that he is smiling.

“Don’t make empty promises.” You shake your head.

“I’m not promising you I won’t get hurt.” He says back. “I most likely will. And really bad to be honest.” You wince just at the thought. “But you know I don’t give up that easily. Not even death can take me away from you.” You slap his chest and he chuckles, kissing the top of your head. “I’m here to stay.” He whispers over your skin. “That I can promise you.”

You lift your head from his chest and sniffle, looking into his eyes. You know that when Calum makes a promise, he will keep it. But you just don’t know if this promise depends on him. He leans in, brushing his nose against yours, fingers caressing your cheek and you gasp.

“Please tell me I’m not making you cold again.” He says quietly, shutting his eyes tight. “Anything but that.”

“No…” You shake your head, nose bumping into his. “You’re the warmest you’ve ever been.”

His lips immediately crash onto yours after you say those words. You didn’t realize until then how much you had missed the softness of his lips and their sweet taste. Your body pushes back into him, wanting to get as close as possible.

“I love you.” He breathes out heavily. ”Fuck, I love you so much you have no idea.” He kisses you heavily again. “I don’t need to hear you say it back.” His fingers run through your hair. “Just let me say it.” You nod quickly, biting down on his lower lip. “I’ll say it until my mouth hurts and my tongue bleeds.” You gasp at his words, arms wrapping around his neck and legs straddling his lap. “I’ll never stop.” You look into his eyes and before you would have said they were filled with lust but today, today you can say there’s a different emotion hiding behind them. “Just say yes.” He leans back to get a better look at you. “That’s all I ask of you.” You run your fingers down his face, appreciating every single crease and dimple.

“Please.” You say quietly. “Don’t ever stop saying it.” He breathes out in relief, fingertips digging into your hips.

“I love you.” He says and you push closer into him, lips covering his. “I love you.” He mumbles into your mouth. “I love you.” He sighs over your cheek, pecking it gently.

You lock eyes again and you finally feel the life come back into your body. You feel whole again, because of Calum. And in this moment you realize he’s the other half of your soul you’ve been missing all along. Your hands press onto his cheeks, making his pretty lips pucker up and bringing a smile to your face. Everything seems peachy until you feel water splashing all over you making you close your eyes and gasp in surprise.

“Myrtle!” You both yell at the same time over the sound of the ghost’s giggles.

The months of spring passed by quickly, almost as a blur. The first days of summer definitely made a statement, an unbelievable heat wave engulfing Hogwarts. Everyone was mostly outside, having spontaneous water fights that would lead them to detention. The big windows of the library had finally been open, letting fresh air inside, something different from the usual smell of old dusty books.

That’s where you had been spending most of your time. You lived, breathed and only saw the library books. Anything, and absolutely any kind of information you could gather about the third and final task, you wrote it down. It took away all your free time and preoccupied your mind constantly, but there was no time left. It was either this week, or never.

Calum had been trying to get all the studying off your mind, but there was no way he could do that. In class, you daydreamed about it, at breakfast, lunch at dinner you always carried a book with you, at night you couldn’t sleep thinking about it so you would get out of bed at unbelievable hours and read under the covers with your wand lighting up the dark room.

Despite his protests and worries, you just couldn’t stop. You were too worried that you might have missed a certain paragraph that could possibly save his life. You just wanted to make sure. But he wasn’t worried. He actually seemed more than fine, considering he was going to be in a life or death situation in less than twenty-four hours. He ate his porridge that morning with no care in the world, stroking your thigh under the table and joking with his friends.

You had started joining him at the Gryffindor table for breakfast in the last couple of weeks, wanting to stay as glued to him as possible. And since mornings were not as crowded as dinners, you chose to do it just then so you wouldn’t attract too much attention, having the only blue uniform between all the red ones.

That day after your classes had ended, you went straight to the library and spent a good two hours with your nose hidden in a book, scribbling messy notes on the side. You jolted and almost lost the page when you felt hands press down onto your shoulders, clutching the book tightly to your chest.

“You really need to stop doing that.” You press your forehead to the wooden table, sighing in relief.

“It never gets old.” He chuckles and drags a chair next to you.

“I’m busy, Calum.” You resume with your reading, trying to figure out which paragraph you had left on.

“What could possibly be more important than my company?” He frowns funnily, and you roll your eyes.

“Saving your ass from dying, that’s what.”

“Oh, come on, you’ve been trying to do that constantly for the past three weeks, give it a break.” He whines, placing his chin on your shoulder.

“Not today, Cal.” You close your eyes a bit longer when you feel his hot breath fan over your neck.

“This might just be the last time you see me intact.” He jokes. “Who knows, maybe I’ll lose an eye. What would you think about that?” He leans back and waits for your reply.

“I would think damn, I could have prevented that if he would have just let me read.” You glare at him and mark your page, knowing you most likely won’t be able to get back to your studying anytime soon.

“You’re tired.” He frowns, lifting your chin up with a finger. “I can see it on your face.”

“Gee, thanks for appreciating these beautiful bags under my eyes.” You say sarcastically, running a hand over your face.

“Seriously, when was the last time you had a good night’s sleep?” He asks, the worry still not leaving his eyes.

“I honestly don’t know.” You sigh finally admitting to him that you hadn’t really been sleeping in the past couple of weeks.

“Come on, you need a break.” He nudges your foot under the table.

“I’m not sure I can even get up.” You yawn, arms stretching above your head.

He grabs your wrist, helping you get up and steady yourself and then turns around. You frown in confusion, but then he glances back at you, motioning towards his back. Catching onto what he was saying, you laugh and place your hands on his shoulders.

“Really? Piggy-back rides? How old are you?” Despite saying that, you still climb onto his back, his arms securing under your thighs.

“Hey, age doesn’t matter as long as I can keep you from possibly collapsing while walking down the stairs.” You cock an eyebrow at that.

“Touché.” You agree and lean down to pick up your bag.

“Shall we?” You point towards the exit and he starts walking, jumping up a bit to startle you. “Stop.” You giggle as he walks at a faster speed towards the door.

“No running in the library!” You can hear a female voice yell from the front desk and you gasp.

“Sorry, Madam Pince!” You call back to the librarian and see her shake her head.

“Kids.” She says under her breath as Calum opens the big library door, walking down the hall.

“Where are you taking me?” You say after a while, having no clue where he was headed to.

“You’ll see.” Is all he says and keeps on walking out of the Castle.

The mid-June summer night feels nice, warm wind blowing across your face and making Calum’s now already in need of a new cut hair blow onto your forehead. You lay your cheek on his shoulder, closing your eyes just for a spare second enjoying the nice sensation of his warm skin and the sound of his breathing.

“Come on.” He pats your thigh after walking for a little while. “Off you go, peach.” You unwrap your legs from his waist and balance your hands onto his waist, trying to keep your feet steady on the ground.

Looking around, you see that you’re now at a pretty good distance from the Castle. He walked you over to a small hill from where you could see the big gardens and a little of the Quidditch field. He sat down on the grass, leaning his back against the big oak tree that’s shadowing above you. You glance back at him when you feel him tug at the end of your robe, motioning for you to sit next to him.

You do just that, sitting down carefully and leaning your back against the rough surface of the tree as well. It’s nice, just sitting here, watching the sun go down next to Calum. The wind is still blowing around you, making the branches of the tree shake and break the silence. Calum’s hand rests above your knee, running his finger in small circles across your jeans.

“Are you scared?” You ask after a while, voice quiet. He seems to contemplate the question for a while, but then just shrugs.

“Not really.” You nod biting your lip. ‘Are you?”

“Terrified.” You sigh, placing your hand above the one he had resting on your knee.

“I know I can’t ask you not to be.” He nods in acceptance and you huff.

“Don’t even try.” You shake your head.

“All I ask is that you believe in me.” He turns his head to look at you. “Know that I’m going to make it out alive, just for you.” You turn your head to the side, looking into his beautiful brown eyes.

“I do believe in you.” Your voice is quiet, a small smile covering your lips. “You know I do.”

“I love making sure.” His eye drops in a wink and you laugh breathily, running your fingertip over his knuckles. “You know I love you, right?” That makes you turn your gaze back on him.

“Of course I do.” You nod, biting down on your lip.

It had been almost two months but you still hadn’t said it back. It only got as far as to saying “me too” but never the actual words. It’s like they rested on your tongue, waiting to be spilled out, but being blocked by gritted teeth. He still liked just the fact that he could say it any time of the day. He didn’t need to hear those words coming from you, he just knew it. He knew he had you completely wrapped around his finger, he knew any word coming from his mouth could possibly destroy you forever. But he only used his power to be kind, to make you feel good, never to hurt you.

“I know you do too.” He sighed and you bit down on your lip at his acknowledgement. “I’m willing to wait.”

You moved closer, your head resting against his shoulder, his arm wrapping around your back and squeezing your side. The sun was almost down behind the clouds, the small lights placed around the Castle lighting up. You could see into distance owls flapping their wings and flying away with letters tied to their legs, everyone most likely sending letters to their loved ones to inform them about the big task happening tomorrow. But you weren’t worrying about that, not now at least. Calum always made sure to take every problem off your shoulders. And you loved him for that.

“As long as it takes, baby.” Was all he whispered before you closed your eyes.

Yelling could be heard all around, every single voice standing out. Each screaming their own thing, either positive or negative. The Slytherin side was quiet, all gossiping amongst themselves. All the other houses were excited, but Gryffindors were ecstatic, wearing their pins, waving small flags and jumping up and down.

You were sat in the front, anxiously waiting for Calum to appear, bouncing your foot up and down and running your fingers through your hair so much you were sure it was a total mess by now. Your best friends were seated on each side of you, glancing at you every now and then, worrying about you. You clearly had not slept the whole night, the only kind of sleep you got was the small nap you took into Calum’s arms last night against the oak tree, that is until he woke you up to take you back to your room.

The kiss you shared that night was long and full of passion, fingers gripping onto each other as hard as possible, not wanting to let go. You didn’t want to think about the fact that it could have been a goodbye kiss. It wasn’t, he promised you that much. And Calum always kept his promises.

“Y/N!” You heard Anabelle yell and shake your leg, and you immediately turn to see her pointing in a certain direction.

Sprinting out of your seat, you run into his chest, arms wrapping around his neck and your head rests onto his shoulder. He is dressed in the Gryffindor uniform he had been given, his curls brushed away from his face and dark red gloves cut at the fingers covering his hands.

“I’m so scared, Calum.” You whisper out of breath into his ear and he squeezes you tighter against him.

“So am I.” He chuckles lightly. “A little bit.”

“No matter what.” You lean back, looking him up and down to reassure yourself that he is here and he is okay. “If you know you’re not gonna make it or you’re hurt, you shoot red sparks, do you hear me?” You place your hands on his cheeks.

“Loud and clear.” He smiles, trying to ease the tension and you sigh, totally not in the mood for jokes.

“I’m serious, Calum. They’ll come and get you. If not, I’ll come and get you myself.” He laughs at that, bopping your nose.

“You? In that maze? Buttercup, you get lost in your own room.” Slapping his hand away from your face, you shake your head.

“Not now, Calum.” You drop your gaze and glance at your feet, your converse looking perfectly polished in comparison to his dirty ones.

“Hey.” He whispers softly, fingers resting under your chin and lifting it up so you would look into his eyes. “I love you.” He smiles softly.

“I know.” You lean your hands onto his chest, his cheek brushing against yours.

When you hear the voice of Professor McGonagall calling out to the champions you desperately search for his eyes. You both lean in at the same time, lips connection for the last time until he comes back. And you know he will come back to you.

Letting go of him was probably the hardest part. His fingers barely slipped from yours and you already felt cold all over again. Walking quickly towards your friends, you held hands tightly with each of them, biting onto your lip anxiously. This is it. He was gonna go in there and perhaps never come back. You shake away the dark thoughts, and keep on telling yourself everything is going to be okay. He will be okay. With a last look at the crowd, he spots you and smiles, before running off into the large maze and out of sight.

So now you wait. That’s all you can do. Just wait and hope it all turns out to be okay. Small lights of spells can be seen, the sound of bushes burning and sometimes yells. But none of which you could recognize as Calum’s. Everyone is anxiously waiting, bouncing their feet up and down, biting on their fingernails.

And then finally the first shot of red sparks came. You sat on the edge of your seat, watching as someone Dissaparated and Apparated back not even one minute later, the champion from Durmstrang Institute clutching tightly onto the professor, his leg looking pretty much dead as it just dragged behind him. You place your face in your palms and sigh, feeling bad for him but very relieved that Calum was still in there, hopefully okay.

Another half hour passes by and nothing happens. It was down to him and the girl from Beauxbaton Academy, and only one could win. After a while everyone grew impatient. Why was nothing happening? No one seemed to be shooting red sparks into the air, but also no one had grabbed the Cup yet.

“Come on, Hood.” You could hear Professor McGonagall’s voice say quietly from your spot so close to the judges.

Your lips were bleeding by this point from biting onto them so much, your foot constantly getting cramps from bouncing it so much. The wait seemed never ending, almost excruciating. And then it finally happened. Someone got the Cup.

Everyone stood up from their seats when the blue lights erupted from the middle of the maze, gasping and clutching their hands over their mouth. You were the first one up, leaning onto the railing in front of you, hands clutching the cold metal tightly, fingertips turning white. You knew that after someone grabbed the Cup, it would be used as a portal to take them out of the maze.

Demelza Nolt. She stood proudly in front of the maze, covered in scratches and dirt, but holding the big golden Cup in both hands. The Beauxbatons Academy erupts in cheers. But everyone else seems to be quiet. Where was Calum?

“Where is he?” Sybill murmurs behind you and you feel the world collapse around you.

And then finally, everyone spotted them. A light shower of red sparks shooting low in the air. Professor Slughorn shot out of his seat and quickly Dissaparated. You ran out of your seat, ignoring the screams of your friends behind you. Just as you had reached the big field in front of you, you saw them Appear back. And the image shocked you.

Calum was barely hanging onto the old man’s shoulders, his knees buckling underneath him and giving out after just about two steps. He collapses to the ground, broken wand falling from his fingers next to him. The harsh wind blows right into your face as you sprint past everyone and fall to the ground, your knees most likely going to feel the pain of that later.

“Calum.” You whisper, tears threatening to spill out of your eyes as you get a closer look at him.

He looks a total mess. Clothes ripped at every edge, his head barely managing to stay into place as it keeps on trying to fall to the side. His eyes are almost shut, the only thing still keeping them open is the only strength he still has. His face is covered in scratches, so is the rest of his body, his lip busted and bloody. And there was just a lot of exactly that – blood. It was everywhere.

“Calum, oh my god, baby.” You shriek, cradling his head onto your lap. “Hey, hey.” You place your hands across his cheeks, shaking him back to reality. “Come on, stay with me.”

Time seemed to stay still around you, nobody was moving. And that annoyed you the most. Nobody wanted to move.

“Bloody hell, somebody help him!” You yell and look behind you at every single face. They are all looking at the two of you with their mouths agape.

“Y/N…” You hear a light whisper and turn your head around so quick you’re sure you were pretty close to snapping your neck.

“Hey, look at me Calum.” You sniffle, leaning down towards his face. “It’s all good, it’s all good, you’re going to be okay.” Your lips quiver, not even your own brain believing you.

“Y/N…” He whispers again, a small smile forming onto his bruised lips. “I promised.”

“I know you promised, fuck, I do Calum.” Your head drops to his chest and you let out an ugly cry, hanging onto whatever was left of him.

“I never…” He struggles to breathe and you try to shush him, but he wasn’t done speaking. ”-break a promise.” And after that his eyes close.

“No.” You whimper. “You never do.” You could hear the quick steps of people approaching you. “And I love you for that.” You press your cheek to his chest, hearing a distant and very faint beat. “I love you with all my heart.”

It took weeks, weeks of excruciating pain and ugly sobs. And then school was finally over. The Hospital Wing became the only place you knew. Nothing else seemed to matter. You were glued to those white beds, never getting off your chair. He was going to be okay. Just like he had promised.

He came out with just a broken arm, a twisted ankle and a slight concussion, thank heavens. It was bad, but not bad enough to the point of no return. And now that July had finally made an appearance, it was time to go home.

You had never seen Calum cry before. And seeing him do exactly that multiple times in the past couple of weeks sent sharp waves of pain straight to your chest. But they couldn’t compare to the pain he was in. The first conscious night was the worst one though. He had woken up two days later, confused and lost. All he knew was that you were there and you weren’t leaving, and that’s all that mattered. And then when Madam Pomfrey finally touched him for the first time when he was awake, he could not stop the loud screams coming out of his mouth.

They were brutal and full of pain and just plain ugly. They made your ears bleed and your eyes spill with rivers of tears, but you knew that he was going to get better. And in order to do so, he needed to suffer through the healing process. But in the end, he did get better. And now you could finally go home.

Every night when Madam Pomfrey would send you on your way back to your house, you would sneak out and into the Hospital Wing, squeezing into the small white bed next to Calum, kissing all of his pain away throughout the night.

“So.” You hear the faint sound of his voice say from next to you. “I guess next year is your turn.”

Everybody was slowly boarding the train, waving goodbye to Hagrid whom, as always, was waiting by the Hogwarts Express to give hugs and some cookies. You had boarded your luggage, helping Calum with his since his hand was still wrapped up, a bandage hanging around his neck and holding the broken arm into place. And after that you decided you would sit outside until you had to leave.

“Turn for what?” You twist your head to look at him and smile softly.

“Well, I didn’t win the tournament, so you’ll have to defend Hogwarts’ honor next year.” He grins, showing his beautiful smile and you laugh.

“I’m pretty sure there will be no next time.” You shake your head. “McGonagall is shutting this Tournament down. For good this time.”

“I guess that would be a smart decision.” He nods in agreement.

You look back at everyone boarding the train, the kids from the first year seeming to be the saddest about going home, all of them clutching their luggage and owl cages tight and looking behind at the big Castle in disappointment. Nobody wants to leave Hogwarts, that is just the way it is. It’s a home for all.

“Will you visit me this summer?” He asks, bumping his hip into yours, but then regretting the idea and wincing in pain.

“I don’t know.” You answer thinking. “My parents and I are taking a family trip to Paris. We might be there for a few weeks.” He parts his lips, seeming disappointed. “Don’t worry, I’ll call you as soon as I get back. And send you lots of cards.” He smiles at that. “You could come looking for me afterwards.” He nods quickly, clearly liking this plan.

“We could go to that ice cream shop in Brighton you have gushed about so much.” He suggests and you gasp, excited just at the thought of that idea.

After that you just sit in silence, looking at the small clouds that had formed above you. Even in the middle of summer, rain just didn’t seem to want to leave you. But rain was not so bad, it reminded you of quiet afternoons in the library and nights spent with Calum, sharing chaste kisses while it poured outside, the sound echoing all around. Rain could be something truly beautiful.

“You know I love you, right?” He says, placing the uninjured arm around your shoulders, bringing you closer into his side.

“I love you too.” You say softly, a smile taking over your face.

Ever since that night, that horrible night in which you had almost lost Calum, you realized it wasn’t the fear of losing him that was holding you back from saying those words. It was the fear of losing your control and letting this love inside of you free. But now, you couldn’t stop saying it. You whispered it to him every single day, you said it in the morning, at night, you even mumbled it in your sleep. And it didn’t sound empty and foreign on your lips anymore. It tasted sweet like honey and felt as soft as Calum’s lips.

“So now what?” He sighs, pressing a kiss to your forehead and looking ahead of him into distance.

Almost everyone was at this point on the train. They were eager to go home. You saw all the carriages with Thestrals leave and the only people left were you, Calum and well, Hagrid. You looked back at the Castle and thought about what you had accomplished this year. Pretty good grades from spending all that time in the library, a nice organizing experience with the Yule Ball committee, but most importantly, falling madly in love. And that was all that mattered.

Looking up at him, you smile and lean up to peck his cheek, before grabbing his hand and sighing, relieved to finally be able to say these words.

“Now we go home.”

A/N: oh boy this has been a wild ride, hasn’t it? now I’m emotional. if you wish to see like an extra blurb or something, I might have something in mind so let me know :)

#5sos #5 seconds of summer #5sos blurbs #5sos imagines #5sos smut #5sos fluff #calum hood #calum hood blurbs #calum hood imagines #calum hood smut #calum hood fluff #michael clifford #ashton irwin #luke hemmings #hogwarts #Harry Potter #hogwarts!5sos #gryffindor!calum

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