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mahitosmalnourishedmanhood · 2 days

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Something Domestic Pt.2 18+

Summary: Her entire life, Kimiko had been convinced she was crazy. By her parents, her sister, doctors, everybody. So, she’s thankful to meet someone who assures her, her hallucinations aren’t just her mind messing with her. Too bad the messenger is a curse.

Tw: smut smut smut it got dirty quick (since this was meant to be the first chapter but i figured giving some of kimiko’s backstory first would be better) Mahito is his own warning, author is only halfway into season 1 so any conflicting details will be edited at a later date, mc can see curses and doesnt know wtf they are, idle transfiguration on Mahito during sex, stitches licking, neck biting, fear play (fantasy), dubcon I think? (kimiko is intoxicated and mahito has no idea what sex is), hair pulling, maybe ooc, creampie

Word Count: 1.7k

Part One

The two had introduced themselves, and talked for a bit before Kimiko began leading Mahito to her apartment. She isn’t entirely sure how exactly she managed to convince a stranger to come home with her, but she knows better than to question a good thing. She is fairly anxious, and his gaze doesn’t make things any better, and he knows as much, almost as though he’s trying to frighten her. She glances at Mahito occasionally as she fidgets with her nails. He can sense her fear, and it makes him feel delighted, especially considering how she’s ignoring it and her instincts for the sake of getting him home. He still isn’t exactly sure what she has planned for when they get there, though he doesn’t mind, either way he’ll learn a bit more about humans and then use idle transfiguration on her. Simple.

“You are quite nervous. Any particular reason?” He asks, stepping a bit closer and putting an arm around her waist, a slight shiver creeping up her spine at the touch. He is a bit tempted to use his idle transfiguration on her now, but she is interesting, if a little weird, enough to wait a little bit more before trying to do so.

“Oh— I just haven’t brought anybody home for a hookup before, much less a complete stranger.” Kimiko explains, her face bright pink and her muscles slightly tense under his touch, though she didn’t mind enough to move his hand.

Mahito does look confused at the term hookup, but knows he’ll find out what it is once they got to where she was leading him. He keeps his eyes on her, and can tell she knows something is wrong, but she doesn’t try to move away or get him to leave, so he assumes she doesn’t know what he is exactly.

Soon, they reach her apartment and she steps in front of her door and unlocks it, the hairs on the back of her neck standing up as Mahito stands directly behind her, close enough that he’s breathing down her neck. She steps inside with him, and once he is inside he’s caught a little off guard by her suddenly tossing her arms over his shoulders and pressing her lips to his. He knows only a little about these kinds of behaviors, only enough to know she isn’t trying to attack him in any way. He’s unsure what to do with his hands at first, but soon he just puts them on her waist as she presses her chest to his and carefully walks him backwards until he hits the couch.

He lets out a little grunt as she pushes him down onto the cushions and climbs into his lap, straddling his hips. She then pulls back from the kiss, her pupils blown wide, nearly consuming the blue of her eyes. “I’m sorry— I probably um- should’ve asked first.” He looks at her a little funny before he puts his hands on the sides of her jaw.

He feels the urge to change the shape of her soul again, but is distracted by a new feeling pooling in his stomach and between his legs. This he has never experienced before, though he welcomes the feeling with open arms. He pulls her forward by the jaw and presses his lips to hers again in an almost desperate manner. She runs a hand through his hair and lightly nips his bottom lip, hearing him make a small noise of surprise in response.

Her tongue slips into his mouth, and she uses her free hand to sneak under his shirt and feel over his chest. He slightly arches his back, leaning into the feeling of her warm hand touching his icy skin. She feels his tongue push past her lips, further into her mouth to an abnormal point, his tongue flicking against the back of her throat and making her gag for a moment. He realizes that might alert her to the fact he’s not a human, but surprisingly she doesn’t seem to notice it. If she does notice, she doesn’t care enough to dwell on it. He’s unsure if he’s thankful about that or not. He wonders if she’d still be the one leading if she knew he was a curse. He imagines her squirming and shivering under him with the knowledge he could kill her with a couple of words, and it makes him that much more aroused and needy.

Mahito puts his hands on her waist and squeezes as she pulls back from the kiss enough so she can properly start to undress him, slightly panting as she strips him of his top. She stops for a moment, and stares at the stitches across his neck before leaning down and trailing her tongue over them. She’s a little clumsy, but Mahito thankfully has no way of knowing as he tilts his head back instinctively and uses a hand to push her face further against his neck. She mouths over the stitches for a moment longer before leaving bites across his neck and starting to undo his pants. He mirrors her motions from a moment prior, removing her shirt and tossing it aside, staring blankly at her chest for a moment. She had something else under her shirt? Tedious.

He moves to get her skirt off, deciding to let her deal with the rest. She soon stands up and removes her undergarments before tugging his pants down to below his knees. She looks down at him for a moment, seeming to be thinking about something or other before she settles in his lap again, his dick pressing firm against her thigh. It feels warmer than the rest of him, but still fairly cold. Mahito is nearly convinced he’s going to melt as their skin meets. He presses further against her until he’s pressing the side of his face against her chest.

He feels one of her arms snake around his head, likely to support herself and stay balanced while her other hand wraps around his shaft. Only a moment passes before she’s slowly sinking down on him and he’s suddenly overwhelmed with her warmth, though it still feels like it’s not nearly enough, nothing compared to what he believes lies ahead. He lets out a small sigh into her skin, his hands resting on her hips as she moves them slowly. It feels like agony, and he only gives her a second before he’s experimentally moving her hips for her, his large fingers digging into her hips hard enough for bruises to show the next morning.

Kimiko runs a hair through Mahito’s hair, and curiously tugs on one of his ponytails, forcing his head back until he has no choice but to stare up at her. She gives him a little grin, and the sight makes him throb inside of her. She leans her head down and rests her forehead against his, shutting her eyes as she rocks her hips in the fast pace he’s chosen for them. She adds a bit more force into it, and lets out low moans, close enough that Mahito can feel her breath fanning across his face with every sound she makes for him. He keeps staring at her, and again mirrors her actions, moving his hips up into hers, and he feels excitement rush through his body at the bolt of pleasure the action brings. One hand slides up Kimiko’s back, pressing on her spine just hard enough to get her to arch it for him, seeming to get him even deeper than before.

“Oh, this has to be the best night of my life.” She tells him softly, almost quiet enough that he doesn’t catch it at first. Almost. Mahito can hear a buzzing suddenly, but he pays no mind to it, simply just continuing to thrust up into the pretty little human on his lap. He sprouts another arm, his third hand forcing her hand from his hair and making its way into her own. He tugs her hair like she had done to him, only now it’s to force her head down, rather than up.

“Yeah? Mind telling me why that is, hm?” Mahito grins as he thrusts into what seems to be a particularly sensitive spot for her, as both of her hands reach for his shoulders and she lets out a noise louder than before. He hits that spot again, and again, wanting to continue to draw those pretty sounds from her, even if it means she likely won’t answer his question. He’d rather listen to this anyway. She still does her best to answer, but ultimately crumbles, holding onto his shoulder as her thighs tense and tremble.

Mahito is suddenly all too aware of the growing heat in the pit of his stomach, and he leans back against the couch, fucking up into her with far more force now as the tension in his stomach feels like it’s about to snap. “Oh, I feel like I’m going to burst.” He practically whimpers to her as he leans in to kiss her again, and she merely nods in agreement, her own orgasm only seconds away. He can’t focus on anything aside from how impossibly warm he feels and the bliss coursing through his veins as the pressure in him finally bursts. He stills, and Kimiko rocks her hips into him desperately, the feeling of him filling her up sending her straight over the edge. She grows nearly impossibly tight around him before she leans into his chest, staying still while they both take a moment to come down from their highs.

After a few moments, Kimiko gets up, not wanting to get that intimate with her new friend by snuggling with him during a mere one night stand. She tugs on her underwear and her shirt, looking at Mahito in her half dressed state. “My bathroom is the first door on the left in the hallway, if you want to shower. I am going to go lay down though, my legs feel like jelly.” Kimiko sighs with a small giggle. “My bedroom is straight down the hallway if you want to stay the night, or you can sleep out here, either works.” And with that, she leaves Mahito to himself as she goes to lay down for the night.

#jujutsu kaisen #mahito #jjk #mahito/oc #mahito x oc #oc x mahito #jjk oc #smut #jjk smut #mahito smut #idk how to tag

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explodingstar · 1 day

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COD men and their favorite positions.

Warnings: Rough sex, some degrading, hair-pulling, ass slapping. (Whoops)

Pairing: COD men x f!reader

Simon ‘ghost’ riley

Doggy

He loves to take you from behind so he can watch your cunt grip onto his thick shaft.

He would grab your hips as he is pounding into you hard enough to make them bruise.

He would grab a handful of your hair and wrap it around his hand and pull on it all while fucking you senseless.

Hes definitely an ass guy so slapping your ass would come with the territory.

Up against the wall

One of his favorite positions is taking you with your back against the wall, his muscular hands underneath your thighs holding you up.

He could hold you there for hours if you let him.

He loves to see you blush when he makes his growling noises and talks dirty to you.

“Remember whos slut you are.”

“Fuck someone was hungry for my cock.”

“Goddammit you’re a tight little bitch arnt ‘cha?”

Loves to watch your face when you finally reach orgasm it makes him smirk knowing how needy you are for him.

Reverse cowgirl

He loves watching you fuck yourself on his cock.

He would grab your hips and make you bounce up and down on him harder or faster if he thinks you’re close to the edge.

He would gently caress your ass before slapping it so hard it leaves a red mark in the shape of his hand.

He loves to watch your cum drip out of you and onto him. it drives him insane.

Captian Price

Titty fucking

Hes definitely a tits man, so whenever he can hes going to fuck them.

He loves looking down at you when your boobs are wrappened around his length. He especially loves looking down at you if you have ropes of his cum on your face. It turns him on something fierce.

If you tried licking his tip while hes sliding between your tits that would be enough to drive him to the edge.

Cowgirl

He would lean back and actually make you do all the work so he could watch how needy you are for him when he comes home from deployment.

He loves watching your tits bounce up and down as if mezmerized by them.

He would reassure you and tell you how good of a job you’re doing.

“Ah, look how good you take my cock.”

“Does that feel good baby? Oh i know it feels good.”

“Youre doing….SUCH…a good job.”

if you get tired he would hold your hips right in place and fuck up into you taking full control.

Deepthroating

He’s the type that would love to see you gag on his cock as you’re blowing him. It just turns him on so much.

He would let you start slow and easy at first then hed take a handful of your hair wrap it around his hand and push you all the way down on it.

He would love when you looked up at him while sucking him off/deepthroating him.

If he wanted to hed make you sit down on the floor and skull fuck you.

He just loves the ‘gluck gluck’ sound that you make while sucking him off.

Soap

Legs on his shoulders

This is his favorite position. He would grab your thighs and literally pull you onto him.

He loves watching the way your tits bounce in circular patterns and the faces you make when you’re about to orgasm.

Hes always super gentle about it so he keeps asking for reassurance.

“Does that feel good sweetheart?”

“Are you doing okay?”

“You look so pretty like this.”

He would be nice and gentle unless you tell him otherwise then you would get a different more dominant side out of him.

Eating you out

Soap loves to make YOU cum. He doesnt really care when he reaches his own orgasm or if at all.

He would love if you run your hand through his shaggy mohawk as hes eating you out almost pushing him down into you.

He would definitely make little grunting noises as hes got his full face in your pussy.

He wouldnt really look up at you because of how much he loves eating you out. He would be too busy getting you off and paying attention to what he loves most.

He would pay extra close attention to what hes doing and secretly try to make you cum faster then last time. It’s like a little game to him.

Sweet and caring

When you are both exhausted from work his go-go to would be missionary. He would be really sweet with it though and leave kisses all along your neck and collarbone.

Afterwards he would help you get cleaned up and lay down next to you for cuddles and he would most definitely be the first one to fall asleep.

His muscular arms would have little nail indentations in them from where you grabbed them but he secretly loves that and wishes they broke skin so others could know hes taken.

He loves recieving aftercare as much as he loves giving aftercare. So after missionary he would be fully content to just cuddle under the blanket and whisper sweet nothings to you while running his fingertips through your hair.

Alejandro

Would absolutely love to eat you out but also loves to have his cock down your throat.

His favorite thing is when you moan and he can feel the vibrations in his shaft. It causes him to go feral.

He knows when he’s eating you out you cant really concentrate on the task at hand but he prefers it that way.

He would hold your thighs so tight to his face that you would be able to see the impression of his hands in them afterwards.

Dominant

He will take what he wants when he wants and if that means dragging you to the edge of the bed and fucking you senseless then thats what it means.

It would start hard and fast and end that way too.

He probably wouldn’t say much but he would definitely enjoy looking down at you and seeing you with teary eyes from pleasure

You definitely wouldn’t be able to walk afterwards and he would walk around with a smirk on his face knowing exactly what he did.

Shower sex

He’s definitely the kind of guy that wouldn’t want to “waste water” so everytime you wanted to shower hed always ask to join and of course you would let him.

Once in there he wouldn’t really worry too much about actually taking a shower, he wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off of you.

He would definitely have you up against the wall in .2 seconds with your wet cunt already gripping around his hard shaft.

After the steamy shower sex he would take the time to actually take a shower with you but you know he likes the water on temperature HELL.

Konig

Size kink

He would find it cute that youre a good foot and a half shorter then him but he would also use that to his advantage.

Having you pressed up against the wall with one of his massive hands flush against the wall right next to your head.

He would always put 2 fingers underneath your chin and tilt it up so you can look him in the eyes. He loves to do that while youre telling him what you want because he loves to see you get all flustered by just talking to him.

He finds it hot when he fucks you and it doesn’t go in all the way because he knows that he’s filling you up completely anyways.

If he wanted you he could lift you up with one arm over his shoulders and have your back pinned against the wall quicker then you could ask him to.

Eating you out against the wall

As he has your back against the wall and your thighs on his shoulders he would love nothing more then eating you out.

He would have no trouble at all lifting you up in fact he would do it with ease.

He loves when your back arches off the wall and you put your hand on the back of his head and you pull it closer to your soaking core.

He knows after you orgasm you’re basically rendered useless because you can’t even move afterwards.

He would gently set you back down on the edge of the bed and start undoing his pants for his turn next.

“We dont want that pretty mouth to go to waste do we?”

Blowjobs

He wouldn’t make you deepthroat him like some of the others cause he knows how big it is and that it would probably be damn near impossible to pull off such a feat.

He would tell you how good of a job you’re doing while watching you drool all over his cock teary eyed.

“Oh darling you’re doing such a good job.”

“Yeahh just like like that.”

“Mm fuck you know how to use that mouth of yours.”

He would hold your head steady by wrapping a fistfull of your hair around his hand and making you look up at him with those teary eyes.

When he cums in your mouth it is A LOT and he finds it hot when some dribbles down your chin.

Graves

Submissive cowgirl

Sense Graves is always the one taking control out on the battlefield he likes to relinquish control to his partner in bed.

He gets turned on by the sight of you pleasing yourself on him. He knows its not for his pleasure just yours.

He would be totally okay with being cuffed to the bed posts while you ride him so hes completely under your control.

It wouldn’t take him long at all for him to reach his breaking point almost to the point of him begging for release.

He would try bucking his hips to match your rhythm but he would give up as soon as he realized it was of no use.

Handjobs

He absolutely loves when you do something just as simple as giving him a handjob. He truly believes you could give him a better handjob then he ever could do by himself.

This would most definitely push him to his edge so quickly that he wouldn’t even have time to warn you.

He also thoroughly likes being degraded but by you and only you otherwise he would lose his shit.

He would be stuttering over his words trying to say anything other then “oh fuck” but he would ultimately fail.

Sitting on his face

He is completely okay with being cuffed and or tied up while you suffocate him with your pussy and making him eat you out.

He loves when you tease him by getting up just far enough out of his reach and then suffocating him with your juices once more.

He would have such a erection that it would probably end up being painful for him.

His grunts and moans would end up driving you to orgasm though and he would feel as if he was on the top of the world.

A/n: This is my first public post! I’m sorry if it’s not great. Ill get better I promise lol. (I also forgot to include Gaz but I will include him in a later post.)💚

#cod #cod fanfic #cod modern warfare #cod mw3 #cod x reader #ghost cod #könig cod #soap cod

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sheepispink · 22 hours

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A Pearl Necklace

HAPPY ENDING VER of A Pearl Series

Ch1 Ch2

Where leon doesnt mess up and also leons pov because THATS SO FUN!!!

Continued from end of chapter 1 👍 this is a BONUS chapter. It makes more sense if you read chapter 2 first then this one. This can also be read as a continuation from chapter 2 as in the time line is the same except that it is ends with a good way and its his pov and like a few lines r diff

“That’s good enough. I fucking hate being woken to push her away from me..” A surge of anger swims in his chest as he shuffles to the edge of his bed, fuelled by a fear he doesn’t dare to pay mind to. It’s true, he hadnt wanted to deal with your tears or the feeling of you so close to him; nowadays

it created a feeling that was like a gnawing at his gut. His body eventually settles as his head sinks into the pillows, fluffed by your hands. Even when he’s tucked underneath the covers and beside the love of his life, he just feels so, so.. vulnerable. He rolls onto his side, one hand under his head as he tries to settle a racing pump somewhere in his chest, his eyes squeezing close. His throat chokes and his muscles clench and although he hasn’t made a sound, the reminder of the past few weeks screams in his ears like bells. Every single day is starting to feel more and more like autopilot, blanking his head out in hopes he can do his job without being reminded of horrors of years ago. He was worked up tonight, having fought another B.O.W and hiding a nasty gash beneath his shirt. You’d definitely ask about it later; the mere possibility bringing a flame of anger and forcing him take a sharp intake of breath. He turns over, seeing your back face him now and his lips pull at a small frown, wondering if you woke up for a moment. You shouldn’t be crying yourself to sleep, ever. But he leaves you this time, still revolting the thought of your touch and your skin if he dared to come closer.

When he wakes the next morning, he cant take it anymore. How is there another round of tears upon her face? He finally pushes away the nausea that creeps in his throat, his hand resting on your shoulder. “Hey, love, what happened? Who did this to you?” Forcing such honeyed words feels like a crime to himself, almost making him frustrated with himself for being untruthful. He also hates the way he’s grateful when you just wipe them away and force a smile, mumbling something about watching a sad movie. Not even for a moment does he dare challenge that, satisfied with a lie as he gets up for another gruelling day.

Over the next month, he feels a swell of pride for how much he has healed. For one, he’s managing his thoughts and emotions much better, no longer hanging on a loose thread whenever someone just speaks. He feels better, having finally gotten to the hang of closing his mind off whenever the thoughts arose. He was sleeping better, you barely even touched him in his sleep anymore— it was perfect. The one thing that slightly irked him is when you would leave the house. Why are you leaving? He hates that he’s curious and he knows he should just let you go; it’s another fuel for the temper that seems to take him easily these days. You’ve also been asking a lot of questions about him recently: how he finds the clothes you ironed for him, the food you cooked and, worst of all, his day. He’s already doing enough to push it away and you’re just bringing it right back to him again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He smells the familiar scent of blueberry pancakes as he steps into the kitchen that morning. You’ve been making them again recently but he wont dwell on the why and how. He doesn’t really like to think too much anymore. He picks up the newspaper as he sits at the small kitchen island, hair tousled and muscles aching from the long rest he received after a particularly tough mission. He had woken up on the other side of the bed today, kind of confused how he didn’t squash you in his sleep but as always, he doesn’t question anything. You slide a plate over to him, stacked high with those tasty pancakes and a dollop of whipped cream atop. He always had a bit of a sweet tooth and it’s been a long time since he’d been in the mood for sugar. Regardless, he’s not in the mood to smile or thank you, just eating his food as per normal.

“So..? Did I finally get it right?” He doesnt need to look up to see the small laugh and the way your lips curve into a teasing smile, one he had grown to despise. You always do this, every time you ask about his damn day.

He just- he cant take this anymore. You’re always prying, digging deep into his head and ripping bandages he left on because the wounds wont heal, they never will. He keeps them patched up for a reason, he doesn’t want to see it again. Nor does he want to talk about it.

“Can you stop interrogating me every day about whatever you do? It’s fine, okay? It’s never been any damn different; I don't see the big deal.” He scoffs, gritting his teeth as he holds back from practically shouting at you. His eyebrows furrow in exasperation, one hand rubbing his temple; he cant bear the headaches your words bring.

“I.. Leon- I was just trying to get some feedback.. They dont ever taste as good as the ones you would make.” Now you’re reduced to a stammering mess, trying to stir guilt within his gut, but he wont give in today.

“Well, can you stop? It’s really fucking annoying having to answer your stupid questions every day over menial things. Are you that insecure?” He doesn’t know why he said that but he knows it’s left his lips before he can stop it and one pang in the back of his head tells him that maybe he really is just being honest. You are insecure, thats why you’ve been doing so damn much and annoying him all the time. He takes another bite of the pancakes, his body screaming for relief even now with each rumble of his stomach.

“Leon- I understand work has been stressing you, but I'm just trying-“ There it is, that stupid expression again as you speak the one thing he never wanted you to say. “Work? That's what you think this is about? Maybe you are just idiotic or too narcissistic to realise maybe you are the problem.” He drops the fork in his hand, the metal hitting the porcelain plate as he stands. Of course you just had to mention work, you could never let him get a break could you? You just always had to ruin it for him.

“I am trying to actually be understanding, I'm sorry if I annoyed you but Leon- there is no need to put me down like that.” Again. Work. Don’t you know how to stop? He can feel that anger fuel again, rising and burning with each an every word. Until it snaps.

“You think you’re being understanding.” He laughs at your pitiful expression, thick with a mocking tone, as he says the words. “I can’t believe it. You actually think that. If you can get one thing through your mind, know that you don’t understand anything about me. You never have. Hah.. ever since that night where I almost fucking choked you.” He sneers at you, pushing the chair back as he stands, walking over to the sink with footsteps that echo with uncontrolled emotions.

“I’ve been trying to ask you—to help you. I want to be there for you..“

“Yeah, as if. You know, on that night, I really thought that you might just understand, unlike anyone else has. I was stupid enough to even think that. You just told me your same stupid reassurances; I should’ve kept my hands on your throat a little longer that day. I wish it scared you off and out of my life.” He snaps, leaving a thick tension in the air, like a wall between the pair of you. It’s cruel and unforgiving and an ache in his heart tears the muscle. Bloodthirst, it’s all he can remember from that virus thrumming in his veins. He can’t just quench that bloodthirst, not to you, so his mouth does the work, wearing you down bit by bit. The consuming memory of devouring the very life out of a human, it’s almost like it’s returning to him now.

“You’re not what I wanted.” Words are just spilling out his lips and he cant even control them; he cant even hear each calculated insult.

“I shouldn’t have expected things you could never reach.” He speaks, the plate dropping into the sink with a horrible clatter. All your words are blurring into one, meeting, intersecting all at that one statement ‘work has been stressing you’.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He stands before the sink, having splashed his face with water at least seven times for the past forty minutes. Only now does he finally feel more like himself—or well the version of himself he prefers to exist as—and his head is free from that invasive fog. Slowly his chest falls, letting out a long breath as his finger pushes the tap off. He hasn’t dealt with that in a while and it only served to remind him that he never wanted to again. That feeling of an aching chest, ribs feeling like they’d crack from the pound of a terrified heart, desperate for relief. Although he always manages to calm every time, the edge of the cut always remains unsealed. Theres no real relief other than the fact it’s all over, no peace in his mind ever. It frustrates him all the more, he’s tried anything and everything and yet theres still that pinprick of a hole which has cracked his mind and heart.

After that, he barely stopped interacting with you altogether. He wasn’t sure why, but it felt right. Maybe it was because you really were pissing him off about everything or that he had started to fall out of love with you. Or maybe, though he never liked to let it linger, he was terrified of the memories only you could resurface. He watched your every frown, the light in your eyes slowly dim out as you start to shift and change. It’s been two months since he last considered you his wife, let alone someone he even cared for. He barely feels the guilt of leaving you like this anymore nor does he feel anything anymore. It just feels blank. Like everyday, every hour, every minute of these days. He can’t remember when he last washed his hair; he just knows he did it. He cant remember filling out the reports, but there they sit on the desk. He cant remember what life was like before the missions.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Six months. It’s been six months since he almost killed you, since his hands were on your throat and your terrified expression flashed through his eyes with your shaking pupils and beating chest.

Six months since he hurt you. He thought you had moved on, he thought he moved on. He thought he was doing okay.

Only having just stepped through the doorway, his eyes already found your trembling form on the couch. Your eyes were red and wet, salty streaks down your cheeks as you sob. The worst of all is that when you heard him enter, your eyes widened in a way that was far worse than just regular shock. Like you’d be scolded or mocked, shouted at or reprimanded; you looked like you were scared you would be hurt. He couldn’t shake that sight this time, every time he looked at you even when you scramble to reassure him that it was just hormonal. He knew it was bullshit; he had always known and he wanted to ignore it but he just couldn’t. Not anymore. Not when you were scared of him.

He sits at the breakfast table again the next morning, the air quiet from the lack of humming when you make your food, not even music playing in the kitchen or a pep in your step as you dance around the kitchen. You dont spend 5 minutes fluffing the pillows before bed, nor do you use those stupid face masks with the silly patterns. Hell, you dont even put makeup on anymore. The fridge is stocked and yet theres not even a trace of you to mark it as yours. Everything seems to have changed more than he expected. He cant fathom that he missed all these little differences and the fact there were so many. You’re not the same anymore.

There you go again, leaving randomly during the day after scrambling some excuse about needing spring onions. You barely ever use spring onions and he’s positive he saw some in the freezer yesterday. Whilst he usually would’ve ignored it, he finds himself edging closer and closer until he finds himself following you down the road. He saw the fresh tearstains this morning and you gave him no explanation again, this time he will find out.

You walk and walk and walk, and yet you never go to the grocery store like you said. So why do you even leave the house? It’s not like you were avoiding him, you still hung around him plenty and it’s not like you just needed fresh air, otherwise you would’ve just said so. He keeps his distance as he follows you, your depressed expression obvious, until eventually you pass by a friend. It doesn’t look planned but eventually the pair of you sit at a bench and as bad as it seems, he just cant turn around now. What if you tell her the reason you’re always upset? He needs to know.

“Hey, you know i always see you outside these days. I mean damn, do you really love nature that much?” Your friend teases, although a small pitiful look swirls in their eyes. Leon had been wondering the same thing as her.

“I uh.. well..” You give a sheepish smile as you lean into the bench. “I figured Leon would want some alone time.”

“Again? You come like everyday.”

You just shrug, sinking into the bench and quickly shifting the topic with a shake of your head.

A lot of things are starting to become clearer to him now. Every single action of yours held genuine love and yet he couldnt even bear to think about it. He wouldn’t dare to, he couldnt give in no matter how tempting it seemed. This is the life he chose; the life that would kill him slowly but it had it’s perks. He heads home after that, thinks about what happened for a bit before deciding ultimately to leave you alone again. Even so, you still plague his mind every night, every minute and second. It still makes his chest burn all the more, his irritation on an all high. He should not care, he cannot care. So why does it feel like he’s going to eventually break?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

His body is covered in bruises when he returns home that night, a bandage around one of his hands and his eyes sunken. He had never felt worse in his life, feeling like he was tipping on the edge of fainting or just losing everything altogether. His heavy feet dragged him, feeling like weights were pulling him back as he reached the doorstep. After a few mishaps, he finally finds the keys and unlocks the door. His boots echo on the hardwood floor and though he’d usually collapse into bed, he needs some painkillers desperately tonight. The door for the kitchen is right there but he feels compelled to head to the living room and check if you’re awake. He hates that he’s actually glad he did.

This feels like the memories that resurface, only a new kind. You’re crying, again. You’re sobbing your eyes out and he’s had enough; he’d exhausted, bruised and battered and he’s not letting guilt consume him tonight. How dare you disturb the life he forced himself to follow? Anger swells at the sound and sight of you crying today, not because it hurt his hears but because it hurts his heart. The footsteps grow louder as he nears the couch and he hates the way you look up at him in a trembling fear, hands gripping the fabric of your pajama trousers. “L-leon, i didnt mean- it was a sad movie-“

“Stop giving me those fucking excuses.”

He’s pissed, his body feels broken, and he’s not letting you get by anymore. He’s letting that anger reign free. He nears the couch until he’s standing before you, no words spilling out your lips as you freeze up in fear. He could do anything to you but would he actually harm you? He knows he looks like he would, and he sees that realisation flash before your eyes. He leans down, closer and time seems to slow as his hand reaches out. His eyes focus on how you squeeze your eyes shut, the mere sight grasping his heart tight, brace for the impact and the sting of pain that should follow if he were anyone else.

But he’s not anyone else and he’s disgusted with himself that you would think so. His hand meets the small of your back as his arm wraps around you. He places your hands around his shoulders, knowing you seem far too frazzled to do so and takes you into his lap as he settles in your seat. In silence, he strains his bruised arm to grab the blanket you keep at the end of the couch. You always said it was for ‘cold nights’ but it always translated to cuddling sessions until you were caught by slumber and he carried you to bed. The warm fluff of the blanket is pulled over the pair of you, his hand keeping you firmly in place against his chest as he makes sure to settle you. He doesn’t dare say a word, the nausea in his throat creeping higher with each brush against your bare arms. But he’ll bear it for you, just this once. He knows your still unsure: he can see the way you sneak small uncertain glances as your hands twitch at his shoulders, begging to wrap around his form. So he doesn’t make you lift a finger, taking your hands in his and helps them to settle around his body before he returns to his embrace on you again. It’s utterly silent in the room yet the need to speak is desperate; the both of you know this isn’t normal and yet neither of you are complaining. With his chin resting gently on the top of your head, he rubs your back slowly until you relax into him and somehow grasp him even tighter. Even though his body feels like a block of ice, some part of him inside melts aswell; a small sign of that vulnerability he despised returns. Yet still he stays here until you begin to mumble small apologies which are only met by a small shake of his head and a motion to stay silent. You immediately fall quiet and he sees your eyes glimmer for the first time in months; he’s not sure if the crying caused it or true hope, but he prays you’re feeling just a smidge better. You end up resting your head against his chest comfortably, glistening tears staining your cheeks as you eventually fall asleep.

He takes you upstairs soon after, settling you on the armchair as he notices the dirty sheets from his lack of care. Despite his previous exhaustion, he couldn’t care less about his bruises as he takes out fresh sheets from the cupboard and changes them quickly. Once the bed smells brand new again, he scoops your drowsy body again, hushing you when you begin to wake, and tucks you beneath the covers. He cant lay beside you in such a state so he begins to head to the bathroom, considering a quick shower just to scrub off any grime. Much to his dismay, he’s quickly stopped, your weary eyes blinking as you sit up in bed and your fingers lightly tugs at his hand.

“I.. uh.. um..”

“Yes?” His voice comes out gruffer than he’d like, fingers twitching at the feeling of your skin against his.

“You- you’re going to come back, right? You’re not going to leave, will you?” The mere sound of your hopeless tone is enough to make him grit his teeth. The question sounds hopeful and yet it’s obvious you think you don’t trust him to say the truth.

“No, i’m not leaving, I’m just taking a a shower.” He states, voice just as cold as the one that would cut you through with insults. Still, his hands are gentle as they push your shoulders back into the bed.

“Go back to sleep..” He sighs, pulling the covers over you again. “I’ll be quick. I promise.” He watches as you reluctantly nod, eyes watching him with distrust before he turns around and disappears into the bathroom.

He stands infront of the mirror again, waiting for his mind to crack and fall as it usually does on these hallowed nights. He had done everything wrong tonight; he touched you, spoke to you, even promised you. He went near you when he shouldn’t have. But no onslaught of fears come today, or that sharp ache in his chest which reminds him on horrors in a foreign place. Instead, he just looks at his confused expression in the mirror, because for the first time in seven months he’s not acting mindlessly. He’s actually thinking, breathing and talking; he’s living. After everything he’s done to survive and live better, the one thing he needed was you. He understands now, after all this time, why his mind was so insistent on staying away from you, why he did everything. It was because he was scared.

Everytime he gets a nightmare, it ends with the fear on your face after that horrible night. The more he pushes it away, the more he tries to forget is the more he ended up harming you. He refused to touch you because of the fear he could do it again. Every single thing shut off in his brain because he was terrified of those traumatic experiences and he couldn’t ever admit it. He even refused to come near you because he was scared you’d try console him and he knew he would break within seconds. Vulnerability had never been his strong suit and the mere fear of it had ended up being the cancer that consumed every single part of him until he became a living shell. He never wanted to hurt you, or snap at you, or make you feel like nothing. He always figured it was better that way because it meant you wouldn’t have to deal with him and he wouldn’t have to open up. He was a coward and he had paid the price for it; the cost would’ve been your sanity if he hadn’t cracked tonight. He doesn’t want to think of what could’ve happened if he didnt, but he has to. Avoiding everything led to this and it will again. His hands plant against the shower wall as he starts to wash, and slowly begins to think about everything he did wrong even if it hurts more than those night terrors.

He watches your drowsy eyes widen upon seeing him when he re-enters the room, his heart aching at the tear stains that shimmer on your cheeks from earlier. “I told you to sleep..” He mumbles out, standing awkwardly in the doorway, wishing he could avert his gaze but that would be too cruel to you. “I..i… you..” Your lips fumble for words, eyes gazing up and down his unclothed body. Just in his boxers, he stands before you with his adams apple bobbing as he swallows sharply. “Yeah..”

From head to toe his once pristine skin was covered in scars and bruises of all kinds. He hadn’t let you seen him since his trip to Spain and the sight had been much more horrible back then. Scratches, bite marks, dark scars that show deep gashes and even fresh purple bruises from today’s mission. He knew he couldn’t bear to speak to you about anything just yet, but he mustered up his courage to at least show you. He was also aware this wouldnt make you magically forgive him and he wouldn’t accept it if you did. He fucked up, everything, but he’s not about to let it die when he can at least help you bounce back. He’d destroy himself if it meant seeing you as happy as you used to be.

“Leon.. i..”

“I know you’re going to feel bad, so don’t. I didn’t want you know, thats not your fault.”

He watches you nod meekly, quiet eyes still scanning all over his scarred form, before he begins to walk hesitantly over to the bed. Clenching his fists, he drives down the burn of pain that comes with each step and the guilt that blazes through his gut. Your hands reach out, tentatively before grabbing onto his own. “..Fine, i wont say that.. but can i say one thing at least?”He lets out a small sigh and nods in agreement, squeezing your hand as he sits in bed next to you. Your eyes flutter meekly as you swallow, his hands carefully lifting you to bring your head to rest on his lap with his back pressed against the headboard.

“I’m pissed at you. I- i really am and-“ Your eyes are persistent as they look right up at him, chest rising quickly as you spill everything out. “You made me feel like i was going insane and-“ He’s concerned at how your nails imprint into your palms before he gently moves your fingers to focus on something else—anything else, even himself. So he pulls you into him as you crumble, your fingers digging into his back as to express your desperation.  “I wanted to help you so bad- i didn’t want us to fall apart and we were, fuck- we couldn’t even be near each other. You looked so miserable every damn day Leon- I couldn’t even do anything about it-“ You let out a choked sob against his neck, his hand pulling you firm against him as he squeezes you protectively.

“It was never your fault, you’ve never done anything wrong in your life. I was too much of a fucking coward to face life and i ruined us.” He confesses, the palms of his hands cupping your flushed cheeks. “Dont you dare forgive me, not now. I dont want you forgiving me until you’re absolutely sure.”

You quieten down almost instantly by his words, reaching your hands up to rest behind his neck until eventually you nod and he knows he’s made the right choice. His lips turn up just slightly and then you sit up a little better, trying to look firm even though you had been so vulnerable a moment earlier. That’s why he loves you, you’re just so perfect. Not once have you ever cared about what others think of you, nor do you let yourself be trampled over so easily. Even if you’re lips are wobbly as you narrow your eyes at him right now, coming off more adorable rather than angry. Despite everything he’s ever fought and the praises he receives for his work, you’re the strongest person in this very world and the reason he’s still here. You once told him that if he was a mountain, you’d be like those little flowers that grow at the top even when the conditions are beyond habitable. He’s never believed anything more until now.

“Fine.. if you really want that then i wont forgive you until you tell me everything. I refuse to forgive you until you tell me every little thing in your head.” His lips quirk into a slight smile, a first in too many blank days to count. His thumb rubs the curve of your cheek, so rosy and pink. “I promise, the day you forgive me will come.” He leans forward, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead before shuffling until he’s laying back in bed with you atop of him. “But for now, i want those dark circles under your eyes gone immediately.”

“You should sleep on the couch for all the days i did.” You feign annoyance, small huff leaving your lips and without a second thought he rises out of bed. It’s like it’s hitting him all over again, like a teenage boy trying to hide his crush, he misses the warmth of your body desperately. Even so, he knows he deserves far worse than sleeping on the couch, so he’ll bear it for now.

“I’ll make you breakfast everyday day going forward too. Blueberry pancakes, just the way you like it.”

Right now, it sounds like the bare minimum, but you had no idea how much he’d love you from now on. He’d tell you more but he’d prefer to see the glimmer in your eyes when you’re surprised. Though you tug at his hand before he can go.

“I think we can leave your punishment for next week. You owe me 6 months worth of love.”

That makes him finally grin and he’s under the covers again, arms enveloping you before you press your lips against his.

#leon kennedy #resident evil #resident evil fanfiction #resident evil fluff #resident evil angst #leon x reader #leon kennedy x y/n #leon kennedy x you #re4 #re4 leon

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