#but also: I think it might be the best film in the franchise besides the first one
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I got to see Saw X the way it was meant to be seen: on a sketchy illegal streaming site with a terrible bitrate. Exactly how I watched the original film nearly two decades ago.
#but also: I think it might be the best film in the franchise besides the first one#I love how well they replicated the jankiness and ridiculous camera work from the early franchise#I can't believe the director was the same guy who did VI and 3D because this was everything I love about Saw with none of the faff#and the plot was actually coherent? with no cop drama? you love to see it#saw x#saw
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HEART 3
Summary: And till the very end, it was always heart.
A/N: I HAD TO. also quinn is not really ghost face because i said so (i was too lazy to add her)
Warnings: death, stabbings, murder, rushed writing and.. yeah i think that’s it.
Words: 4.5k
Part One Part Two
Tara Carpenter was a good girlfriend. And yes, you two were officially a couple. Everyone knew about it, including Kayla and Frankie.
But you didn’t care about them, you cared about Tara. And she definitely cared about you. Everyday she’d text or call you to see if you were okay if she couldn’t physically do it herself in person. She’d also come to every practice you had, forcing Chad third wheel on the way back home.
And she even invited you over to the ‘core four’ hangouts.
Everyone was fine with it, well everyone except for Mindy. It’s not that Mindy didn’t like you, she just didn’t trust you… enough.
Sam had even told Mindy to get over it, she liked you. That had to mean something, she trusted you with her sister, and she even trusted you herself. Anika liked you, Chad obviously liked you, Ethan liked you, Quinn liked you and she called you a sex magnet but not without earning a glare from your girlfriend.
Even though your girlfriend was great, absolutely magnificent. You didn't get to prepare yourself for what has been happening the past few days.
One of the core four hangouts, also including Anika, Ethan, Quinn, and even the cute boy from next door ended into something horrible. The news had announced that your film study teacher had been murdered, and shortly after that Sam and your girlfriend got attacked by Ghostface at a bodega.
You tried your best to comfort your girlfriend or be there in any way possible.
This is exactly how you found yourself leaning into Tara as Mindy ranted to your friend group about who the killers could be.
"Are you okay?" You mumble into Tara's head, placing a kiss on it. She nods, giving you a small smile before softly grasping your jaw, and placing a quick kiss on your lips. You pull away, returning a smile.
You look away from your girlfriend only to see her sister watching you two, she smiles at you and you return a tight-lipped one, turning back to Mindy.
"Okay! Nerds listen up!" Everyone's chattering stops, and they all look at Mindy.
"As terrifying as this all is, I'm actually glad I get a chance to redeem myself for not calling the killers last time." She says, fixing her shirt.
Chad hums, looking down at his notebook with a pen in his hand.
"It's fine." Mindy takes in a deep breath, "Okay! The way I see it, someone is out to make a sequel to the requel." Anika raises her hand, "Um. What's a requel?" You nod along, confused as well.
"You're beautiful sweetie. Let's hold questions to the end." Anika blinks in response, giving her girlfriend a tight-lipped smile.
Sam speaks up, "Stab one took place in Woodsboro. Stab two took place in college."
You see Chad write stuff down in his notebook, as Tara says something beside you. "So we think that the killer is trying to copy the movies?"
"That is one possibility." Mindy answers, "Hero's now in college, check! Suspicious new characters brought in to round out the suspect list." Mindy adds, staring at you.
You furrow your eyebrows, looking around as you point at yourself. "Why'd you look at me?"
Mindy ignores you, "And or body count! Check, check, check, and check!"
"I don't like this." Ethan voices, shaking his head you nod in agreement.
"But it just can't be about Stab Two." Tara furrows her eyebrows, "Why not?"
"It would make sense if this was just a sequel, but we're not in a sequel. Because nobody just makes sequels anymore!" Mindy looks at the group, who all have confused looks on their faces.
"We're in a franchise!" She lifts her arms with a smile on her face, "And there are certain rules to a continuing franchise." Anika sighs at her girlfriend.
"I had a feeling," Sam mutters.
"Rule one! Everything is bigger than last time."
You point at Chad's notebook, "Hey, might wanna write this down." He looks at you before hurrying to write in his notebook. "Right!"
"Bigger budget, bigger cast, bigger body count, longer chases, shoot-outs, beheadings. You gotta top what came before to keep people coming back."
Chad lifts his head from his notebook, lost. "Beheadings?" Mindy nods, "Beheadings."
"Rule two! Whatever happened last time, expect the opposite. The franchise only survives by subverting expectations. If the killers last time were whiny snowflake film nerds with Letterboxd accounts instead of personalities—," Ethan raises his eyebrows at Mindy's words.
"— You can bet the opposite will be true here."
"Can I guess the next rule?" You speak up, Mindy points at you, "No." You frown.
"Rule three, no one is safe. Legacy characters? Cannon fodder at this point. Usually bought back only to be killed off in some cheap bid for nostalgia. It's not looking too good for Gale and Kirby. Oh, and that's not even the worst part!"
"Oh! This is the part where she tells us the worst part." Chad says not even looking up from his notes. "The worst part is! Franchises are just continuing episodic instalments designed to boost an IP. Which means main characters are completely expendable now, too."
"Wait, does Tara count as a main character?" You question, with a frown on your lips.
"Y/N, I've let it go before but you've gotta stop interrupting me, dude!" You thin out your lips in embarrassment.
"Anyways! Laurie Strode, Nancy Thompson, Elen Ripley, Jigsaw, Tony Stark, James Bond, I mean, even Luke Skywalker all died so their franchises could live on! That means it's not just the friend group, any of us could go at any time... so yeah Y/N especially your girlfriend and Sam."
Tara and Sam eye each other as Ethan joins in, "Wait? Any of us?"
"Yeah."
"Am I in the friend group?"
"Yeah."
"Am I like, one of the targets?"
"Mm-hmm."
"Am I gonna die a virgin?" Confused looks fill everyone's faces, "Um..." You mumble looking at Tara who just stares ahead, pretending she didn't hear.
"That was a weird overshare... but it brings us to our current suspects. Ethan!" Mindy stands in front of Ethan, a large smile on her face. "The shy dorky guy, who no one expects because he's so shy and dorky!"
"Okay, wait! Why am I on the suspect list because I'm randomly Chad's roommate?"
"Roommate lotteries can be juked." Ethan rolls his eyes, "You could've fixed it to get next to us!"
Mindy then walks over to Quinn, "Quinn! The slutty roommate, a horror movie—," Mindy Gives a Chef's Kiss, "—classic."
"Sex-positive, but... thank you?"
"Mm-hmm. How did you come to live with Sam and Tara?" Quinn looks at Sam who nods at her, "I answered their ad online?"
"Okay! Say no more! You've already implicated yourself enough!" Tara immediately speaks up for her roommate. "It was an anonymous ad, Mindy. And you know we vetted her, plus her dad's a cop."
"And that makes it more likely that she's the killer. Because having a cop dad is a great cover! Do you not remember how these movies work Tara!" Tara looks away at Quinn who asks, "Is she always like this?"
Sam tilts her head side to side, "Anika." Anika blows Mindy a kiss, who reciprocates it straight away. "Never trust the love interests." Anika’s face falls blank at her girlfriend’s words.
"Which brings me to Y/N Y/L/N, the star female wide receiver of our college team. Never in a million years would someone suspect you because you're so popular, smart, awkwardly cute, and also randomly dating Tara."
"Are these my suspicions or are you flirting with me?" You joke, a small chuckle leaving your lips. "Mindy we didn't randomly start dating, Chad introduced us… kinda.” Tara defends you.
"It's easy to become friends with Chad, especially if you're on the football team!"
"Hey!" Chad adds in, slightly offended.
"Y/N, weren't you raised in Woodsboro? And didn't you talk about our old friend Amber Freeman before on social media? Or did you think no one here knew about that?"
You frown for the one-hundredth time today. "Mindy, Y/N never wrote those DM's and so what she's from Woodsboro? She has nothing to do with Ghostface." Tara insists, Mindy holds up her hands in surrender at the tone of Tara's voice.
Sam clears her throat, "Okay! So, we have our rules and we have our suspects."
"But wait, wait! What about you guys?" Ethan says, motioning to Chad, Tara, Mindy, and Sam.
"I mean, I think it's pretty safe to rule out the four of us—" Mindy crossed her arms proceeding, "—who went through this last year in Woodsboro."
Chad smiles, pointing his pen at Mindy. "Agreed."
"Um, not agreed," Quinn adds. "What if the trauma you all went through caused one or more of you to snap?" Sam eyes her roommate, shocked.
"Yeah, or the fame you got from the killing made you thirsty for more?" You shake your head at their words.
"Let's be honest here, the theories online about Sam—" Ethan tried to imply, but you cut him off, immediately. "Don't fucking go there, Ethan."
He raises his eyebrows, surprised.
"Okay!" Anika joins in. "She's right though. I mean, face the facts. If we're all suspects, you're all suspects."
Everyone in the group begins eyeing each other, silently.
Well, until you speak up.
"Can we please get something to eat now?"
-
As you said before. You never prepared yourself for what's been happening. Long story short, Anika's dead, and so is Quinn.
And Ethan was not there when it happened.
Then Gale Weathers shows you, your friend group, and an FBI agent a Stab shrine. Was it cool, fuck yeah? Would it have been cooler under different circumstances, fuck yeah!
And then after that, you find out Sam and Tara stole a police car, only to arrive late to their destination so Gale Weathers is now dead.
Ethan was there, but you weren't.
You had extra practice drills. But you were there on the train, being in the same cart as Mindy and Ethan. It felt creepy, and it felt as if Ghostface was right there.
Mindy ended up getting attacked under your watch, well Ethan's as well. Ethan took care of Mindy while you tried your best to make it to Stab's shrine, but you were five minutes behind everyone else.
"When was the last time anyone even used this place?" Tara asks, trying to make small talk with Chad. "It's old."
Chad chuckles, reaching for the small box of candy in front of him, Tara does the same, their hands touching. "Sorry. You can have them."
He tried handing them to Tara, "You think I want these?" They turn, facing each other fully.
"They're like a hundred years old." Tara jokes. Chad laughs, looking down at his feet, and Tara cracks another joke. "Maybe that's your thing?"
It's weird. The tension, the way Chad's staring at her. She looks away, "I actually—"
Chad hastily connects their lips, and Tara kisses back. But she slightly pulls away realizing what she's done.
"I'm sorry— I can't. Um, what about Y/N?" Before Chad could apologize, Tara lets out a shriek feeling a sharp pain in her upper back.
Chad pushes Tara away, his heart dropping seeing the masked killer he's been running away from this entire time. The killer tries to slash Chad but he successfully ducks in time.
Ghostface tried again, but Chad blocks it, throwing them into a movie poster. Glass falls everywhere, and they're now wobbly on their feet. Again they try attacking Chad, only for him to dodge and attempt to throw a punch.
Ghost faces dodges it well, leaning back. Chad takes their moment of weakness to kick them in the stomach and they fall onto the ground, he kicks them again before rushing to Tara's side.
"Come on!" He helps the dark-haired girl up, running towards the exit, only for the door to fly open by Sam. Sam screams along with Tara, "It's Kirby! She's the killer!" Sam informs the group, freaking out.
The trio runs into the middle of the shrine searching for an exit.
Tara points at the upper balcony, "Hey, what about that? There's an exit door! Maybe it leads to the roof or something?" She rushes out at the end.
"It's only one way to find out, let's go! Let's go!" They all walk towards the latter only to be met with a Ghostface jumping from the stage.
Ghost Face missed all three stabs at the group in front of them, dropping their knife. Pulling out another one, they slice whatever's in front of them, only to behead a mannequin.
"Beheading!" Chad shouts. Chad then tackles Ghostface before picking up a camera. "Smile for the camera motherfucker!" He hits the killer with the camera and then runs off with Tara and Sam.
Ghostface then chases the three in a narrow hallway, getting met with a camera to the face again.
Now back where Tara and Chad started, they try their best to fight off the person in the black cloak, Chad dodges all their attacks, while the Carpenter sisters grab their arms pushing them into the wooden counter behind them.
Tara groans hitting her own back as Chad punches Ghostface in the center of their mask.
They fall onto the ground and Tara takes this as a chance to kick them in the face, Chad picks up a gumball machine, holding it above his head, but before he could smash it onto the killer he's stabbed into his side by the second Ghostface.
He lets out a huge shout, and Tara screams ready to run and help, but Sam holds her back. "Nooo! Chad!"
Chad's now on one knee, surrounded by the two killers. They bring him onto both of his knees, facing the siblings, they show no mercy, stabbing him anywhere and everywhere.
Tara lets out another scream, watching Chad bleed out from his mouth until he finally drops out.
The two killers face the girls, wiping off their knives in sync. Sam then opens the door, pushing Tara through. Again, they're in the middle of the shrine. One Ghostface appears through the curtains of the stage, and another appears in their path as they try to escape, motioning "No" with their knife as they shake their head.
Sam picks up two bricks, giving one to her younger sister. "Sam!"
The killers come closer, "Ready." Tara let out small cries, unable to form a word as she had no time to process the death of her friend.
"I need you to be ready. Ready?"
Tara swallows, "Look at me." Sam instructs, she immediately listens looking at her sister. "I'm ready."
"Come on motherfucker!" Tara shouts at the Ghostface in front of her. Before anyone could attack, gunshots are fired. The two Ghostfaces duck down along with the sisters.
"It's okay!" Kirby says, with her gun out. "Stay the fuck back!" Sam yells at the blonde woman, "We know it's you, Kirby." Confusion fills her face, "One— One of them knocked me out."
"Kirby stop! Get away from the girls!" Officer Bailey says, pointing his gone at Kirby.
"What are you doing?" She questions, raising her gun at the man. "Did you kill Quinn? Did you kill my daughter?"
"Jesus Christ! Whatever he's been saying to you don't believe him. He's probably the killer."
Ghostface appears behind Officer Bailey, and Kirby's eyes widen in fear. "Behind you!" Gunshots go off, and Kirby's body drops.
Sam and Tara's mouth drops in shock. And the Ghostface pauses their stabbing motions. Wayne thins out his lips, putting away his gun.
"Good job." All Tara and Sam can do is stare ahead in shock, not believing the sight in front of them. "Both of you."
"You?" Tara mumbles. He shrugs, "Yeah, of course, me. Frankly, I expected more from the two of you after what you did to us."
"What do you mean us?"
The Ghostface on the left of Wayne begins to take off their mask. Revealing none other than the shy dorky boy, Ethan.
"Ta-da!" Wayne chuckles, and Ethan smiles. "Mindy was right! It was easy to juke the roommate lottery. I mean all I had to do to meet you was room with the conceited, condescending alpha, literally named Chad!"
"Fuck it felt good to kill him!" Ethan yells out, the smile still on his lips. He raises the mask in his hand, "This was your grandmothers Sam. Nancy Loomis? Really runs in your fucking family, doesn't it? Speaking of family."
"Wait for it!" Wayne buds in, "My names not even Ethan Landry!" Wayne laughs, "Is it, Dad?"
"Dad?" Tara furrows her eyebrows, confused. Wayne continues laughing with his son.
"Wait. If it's you two, that just leaves..." The Ghostface turns its head to Sam, and she believes the worst. "Mindy?"
Ethan looks over to his right, and they pull off their mask. Revealing Tara's girlfriend, you. "Hey, Sam."
You smile at the older Carpenter, "Wow! I really made an impression on you, huh? You thought it was your own friend over me!"
"Y/N..." Tara says, her voice barely over a whisper. "Hey, love." She can't help but let out a cry, eyes watering.
You fake a frown, "Baby."
"Why!" She shouts, letting her emotions take over. "I loved you!"
"And I love it when you cry! You look so pretty." She glares at you through her blurred vision due to the tears in her eyes. "How could you."
"How could I not? It was so easy becoming that fuck heads friend, and it was even easier getting close to you. Literally, all I had to do was fight a drunk frat boy to get you interested in me!"
"Why?" She repeats, and she doesn't know why. You weren't the girl she fell in love with.
"Quinn, still alive. But she didn't want to get her hands dirty so I did it for her. Gale? Me. The two fucking creeps who killed your film study teacher? Me! Chad, well, that was me and Ethan." You laugh, Ethan looks at you smiling.
Sam shakes her head, she couldn't believe she ever trusted you, not only in general but with her sister. She felt guilty and disappointed in herself.
"Oh, and I got Stu Macher's mask. He's pretty funny." You walk away with Ethan, parting in separate ways. Ethan puts Nancy Loomis's mask on the mannequin wearing her clothes, "Nice."
"Which leads," Wayne reaches inside his jacket. "Your fathers." He holds up Billy Loomis's mask, "This what we've been counting down to Sam."
Sam glances at the mask then back at Wayne, "We're gonna need you to put it on." Sam slaps the mask out of his hand, earning a cut to her arm by Ethan.
"Ooh," Ethan says, laughing. You laugh as well watching the scene unfold across the room.
"You stay the fuck away from her!" Sam holds her arm, looking around at the killers surrounding her. "What is this? Why are you doing this?"
"Ethan, they're still not getting it!" The two of you smile at the siblings in front of you. "They should know better."
"Look, I don't know what you believe but I didn't commit those murders in Woodsboro. It wasn't me."
Wayne rolls his eyes, walking closer to the two. "Oh! We know that. Of course, you didn't! What did you think that this was based on some bullshit conspiracy theory? Come on, who do you think started the rumors of you in the first place."
You raise your hand, "It was pretty simple. Especially how you fucking tased the shit out of me in the middle of a frat party."
"It's not enough to kill someone these days, you have to assassinate their character first." He begins, "Dad finds your horribly disfigured body, some poor sap says on the internet Sam took matters into her own deluded hands."
"Exactly! That's why it's the perfect alibi! Based on the truth." Bailey adds on, pointing at Sam. "You're a killer."
Sam aggressively shakes her head, shouting. "No! No, I'm not!" Ethan joins in, "Yes you are you killed my brother!"
"What are you talking about?" Sam asks, unclear of what's going on.
"His brother died in Woodsboro, in the hands of you, Sam. Along with Amber."
Sam looks at you, then Ethan and finally Wayne. "You're Richie's family." Ethan stabs Sam's chest, "Ding! Ding! Ding! She's finally starting to get it!" Everyone breaks apart, and Tara pushes a mannequin out of their way.
"It was only when I saw those photos—" Tara takes a swing at you with a brick, you dodge it easily a jolly smile on your face. "—of what you did, I knew, I knew you had to be punished!" Ethan cuts off Sam’s path to escape, holding a knife to her face.
"Along with anyone else, that stands in our way." Sam looks at the knife with hooded eyes, then back at Ethan. He presses the knife against her throat, "There she is! There's the fucking killer."
"Real great parenting job by the way," Tara speaks up from in front of you, Ethan grabs her angrily. "Shut the fuck up!" He yells, pushing her. You furrow your eyebrows following behind him, why was he using so much strength to push her?
"Have I been the perfect father? No. Overindulged by these movies, it's a bit Too dark for me but Richie loved them, he loved them, he even made a few of his own."
Wayne turns around and Richie plays on the big screen. Walking up the steps to the stage, "Did you know? There's a very special bond between a father and his first son, that's why I helped him build his collection."
"This is was all his?"
"He was a very passionate collector, I built this as a tribute to him which is why this is where you die, you and anyone who had anything to do with the death of my son. Because everyone dies!"
"Yeah, your son. So pathetic," Wayne tilts his head, "What? That's not true."
"He was a man baby, who made his girlfriend do all his killing." You clench your jaw, angrily.
"He was a strong feral young man."
"He was a limp dick little fuck who cried before I slit his throat." Ethan raises his knife, "Shut your fucking mouth!" He runs up to Sam only to be met with a brick to his face, then gunshots are fired and Wayne falls onto the ground. You look at Tara before looking back at Kirby, rushing over to her and stabbing her in her stomach.
She shrieks in pain, causing you to smile. Something hard knocks you upside your head, and you fall to the side with a groan.
Sam removes the knife you plunged into Kirby while you stand up, "Hey, Samie." Sam quickly raises her knife, attempting to stab you in your chest but you block it, grabbing her shoulder and pressing your thumb inside her wound. She yells out, trying her best to overpower you, leaning in she gets close enough and stabs you, swiftly pulling out the knife before repeating multiple times.
"Fuck!" You fall back.
"Sam!" Tara calls out, climbing up the ladder. Sam makes her way to her sister, climbing up as she tries her best to make it to the exit.
The structure under Tara breaks, and Sam immediately grabs Tara's arm. You and Wayne are now back up, laughing at the situation.
"I can't! I can't! I can't grab on!" Tara cries, trying her best to latch onto her sister's arm, but the blood leaking from her wounds is making it nearly impossible.
You jump up at Tara, swinging your knife at her feet. "I thought you loved me, Tara? How could you kiss Chad? I should fucking stab you again!"
"Fuck you!" She seethes, "Fuck you!" You reply. You continue taking swings at your girlfriend's feet, noticing that Ethan has made his way to the balcony.
"You guys are fucked now!" You laugh.
"Sam! Sam. Let me go." Tara lets go of her sister's arm, only being supported by Sam holding onto her. "Sam, let me see my girlfriend!" You shout at her.
"Trust me. You have to let me go." Sam looks at the knife in her belt pocket, taking it out and hanging it to Tara. Tara falls, and you take the chance to stab her in her stomach.
Her face squeezes in pain. You let go of the knife that’s plunged in her stomach knocking out the knife in her own hand, now grabbing both of her hands you pin them above her head. You straddle her, a huge smile on her face.
"Do you remember this position?" Tara tries her best to fight back, but you are obviously stronger than her. She begins to cry again, overwhelmed. You can't help but stare at her, feeling your heart drop. Why were you doing this, especially to her?
"I love you, Y/N. I didn't want to kiss Chad. I wanted you, and I still do. I love you, please—"
"Shut the fuck up!" You switch your hold on her hands to only your right hand, and your left hand shakily reaches for your knife.
Tara lets out small cries, pleading with you.
Your hand hovers over the knife, and you look back at the girl under you. Your eyes begin to water and you notice yourself crying, "I'm— I'm sorry Tara, I'm so sorry!" Due to the emotions you're experiencing, your strength fades away and Tara overpowers you grabbing the knife next to her shoulder, stabbing you in your chest.
She pushes you by the knife and you fall onto your back, taking out the knife, she repeatedly stabs you again.
You watch her, tears coming out of both of your eyes. Your mouth begins to fill with blood, and she stops. "Tar...Tara." You attempt to speak, blood flying, closing her eyes as it splats on her face, replacing the freckles that you loved so dearly.
"The... note." Tara drops the knife beside you, "The n..." You try and repeat, Tara brushes your hair out of your face, uncontrollably sobbing on top of you. Reaching under your cloak, she feels your pockets, reaching inside and indeed finding a note.
Her bloody and shaky hands unfold it, and it reminds her of the night she wrote her first note to you. You send a weak smile, slowly feeling yourself let go.
"hey love, i'm sorry. i know when you're reading this it probably doesn't feel like the rest of this note is true, but it is. as each day passed i would've never thought that with you, i'd feel safe enough to be vulnerable, to share my fears, and to tell you how much i love you.
my love for you grew stronger, deeper, and more profound than i could have ever imagined. i'm sorry again that it had to be this way.
thank you for giving me your time and love, i'll always love you tara.
from y/n—"
"Heart." She finishes with a mumble, her gaze leaving the letter and then landing on you. She breaks down again, rubbing her fingers over your slightly cold face.
"I love you too, Y/N."
#reader insert#jenna ortega x reader#wattpad#jenna marie ortega#tara carpenter#tara carpenter x fem reader#tara carpenter x you#tara carpenter x y/n#tara carpenter x reader#scream 6#scream#scream x reader
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You Wouldn’t Really Know Shizuka from the Doraemon Movies
If you’ve experienced enough Doraemon media, you’ve probably noticed that the movies tend to emphasize the main characters’ positive qualities, which often paints a very different picture of them from the regular manga and episodes. The contrast is especially noticeable with Nobita, Gian, and Suneo, who in the mainline series are frequently cast as anti-role models to show children how not to behave.
Shizuka, on the other hand, is already kind and morally upstanding by default, so it’s only natural for the movies to continue portraying her that way. That makes Shizuka pretty much the same between the regular series and the movies, right? I would argue not exactly, and unfortunately her character in the movies suffers for it.
It’s not that the movies never characterize Shizuka well. She’s had very important roles in some of them: in my reviews, I counted at least eight films in which her actions are critical to resolving the plot. Certainly one can gather from the movies that she’s compassionate, quick-witted, brave, and adventurous, and all of these things are true about Shizuka in the mainline series.
However... if you only watched the movies, you might not realize that Shizuka also enjoys messing with other people for fun...
... or can be very blunt towards her friends...
... or participates in schemes to get even with people who have wronged her...
[A short time later...]
... or becomes disproportionately violent when she’s upset (“Janie” being one of her dolls)...
... or lies to get out of things she doesn’t want to do.
(If any of this seems like it conflicts with Shizuka’s usual characterization, I don’t think it does. When I was Shizuka’s age, I was also a “good kid” who stayed out of trouble and got along with most of my peers, and I still did every one of these things.)
From the movies alone, you might even miss that Shizuka is supposed to be bad at playing the violin, which is her one “flaw” that the franchise likes to highlight with any regularity. Her violin playing has shown up in two movies so far (Nobita and the Knights on Dinosaurs and Nobita and the Kingdom of Clouds), but only in very brief scenes where we don’t see anyone else reacting to it.
Of course, there are other ways to add dimensionality to a character besides giving them flaws. However, Shizuka in the movies almost never exhibits quirks of any kind, except maybe for being just a bit too obsessed with bathing. (Now that they rarely neglect to include in the movies, for some reason...)
In the main series, Shizuka is often the voice of reason who is strung along by the foolishness and craziness of the others around her, but she still gets her kicks. When the kids test out Doraemon’s Mysterious Trash Chute, there’s the implication that she goes the extra mile to throw in a concrete beam. (As far as I know, none of the animated adaptations of this story have included this particular detail, which is disappointing.)
There’s also the time she hesitates to partake in karaoke, only to have trouble putting down the mic once her turn comes around.
Even the manga counterparts to the movies sometimes contain facets of Shizuka’s character that weren’t adapted into the films themselves. (Perhaps that’s not a surprise considering that the original author had a more direct hand in the manga.) Nobita’s Three Visionary Swordsmen is already one of the best movies when it comes to Shizuka’s portrayal, but if you’ve never read the manga version, you probably wouldn’t have known that she aspires to be a diplomat working for world peace.
Then there’s this moment in Nobita and the Tin Labyrinth, where she makes a bet with Suneo over whether Nobita is lying to them. This conversation does happen in the movie, but the film version doesn’t quite get across just how smug Shizuka looks when she takes that bet.
And check out how pleased she is to be eventually proven right! (This expression didn’t make it into the movie either.)
Nobita in the Robot Kingdom was not written by the original manga author, but I’ve discussed before how the manga version of that story gave Shizuka an important part that was unfortunately cut out of the film.
Is this really a problem? After all, it’s well established that the other main characters in the movies don’t act exactly like they normally do in the manga either. With the others, however, subverting their usual roles is precisely what gives them character depth. Relegating Shizuka solely to being “the nice one”, which she already comes across as most of the time, makes her feel much more static by comparison.
An understandable concern is that swinging the pendulum too far in another direction might erode Shizuka’s kind image, but this need not be the case. Like anyone else, nice people can say and do some very un-nice things, and the trick for a storyteller is to interrogate what might lead them to act in such a way. I think the Nobita in the Robot Kingdom manga does this very well, but an example found in the films themselves can be seen in Nobita and the Steel Troops.
In this movie, (SPOILERS) Shizuka rescues a severely damaged robot spy, Riruru, and works on nursing her back to health. After Riruru explains the history of the robot society that she belongs to, Shizuka observes its parallels to human history. However, Riruru, who is still operating under a belief in robot supremacy, takes offense to this comparison and tries to shoot Shizuka, which results in Shizuka expressing regret and bitterness over having saved her in the first place. Shizuka gets over this very quickly and it’s not explored much further, but this still a rare deconstruction of her role as “the nice one”. Sometimes, being kind is hard.
Overly-long story short, it would be nice if the Doraemon movies let Shizuka do more “bad” (or mischievous, or just plain weird) things, especially for the sake of good.
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The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (2012)
The first time I watched anything related to The Lord of the Rings was last year when my friend made me watch the extended editions of the first three movies, so I was glad that I had some context while coming into The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (2012). However, I have not read any of the books, which I think made it harder to watch this movie in particular. I would rate this movie a two out of five, which is the lowest rating I’ve given in class so far. One of the most important things when consuming media is the ability to keep my focus. I’ve watched some really poorly made movies, but they kept my attention throughout the whole thing, something I cannot say for this movie. I sat and watched this whole thing and I cannot remember half of what happened because it dragged on for so long. Connecting to our discussion this week on the dangers of alienating potential fans through adaptation, I do think this movie kind of does this. If I’d read The Hobbit before, I would’ve been more invested, but since I had no context of where this was going, it was very hard to pay attention.
This movie follows Bilbo Baggins sixty years before the events of The Lord of the Rings trilogy. Despite his adventure-filled youth, Bilbo mellowed into adulthood and thought he was content to live the life of a simple hobbit. However, this illusion is shattered when Gandalf the Grey invites a bunch of dwarves to his house for dinner in an attempt to convince Bilbo to join their quest. Their goal is to reclaim the Kingdom of Erebor, which was captured by the dragon Smaug 171 years ago. Despite some pushback, Bilbo eventually agrees to join their group. In this film, we follow them on the first leg of their quest. Honestly, I think Martin Freeman was the perfect choice for this role. He’s kind of developed a type cast as the cautious, reluctant, sarcastic protagonist/sidekick, but he plays it so well. His personality got me through the lulls of action during this movie.
I promise I have some nice things to say! I really enjoyed the whole Rivendell scene because I got to see some characters I actually knew. I also think it did a nice job of establishing Gandalf's philosophy, which makes his choices of protagonists make so much more sense. My favorite scene in the whole movie was, of course, the scene with Gollum. This section had the most tension and highest stakes of the film, in my opinion. I was folding clothes while watching the majority of the movie, but I had to stop what I was doing during this part because I was so invested. Andy Serkis does an amazing job of making Gollum creepy, yet sympathetic. His performance always draws me in, and I think the movie would have suffered without the inclusion of this scene.
This week I don’t particularly have any comments on themes, because I have a hard time recalling what the plot was in general besides getting from point A to point B, but I did appreciate Gandalf’s whole speech about why he picked Bilbo specifically. He says: “Some believe it is only great power that can hold evil in check, but that is not what I have found. It is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay. Small acts of kindness and love” (The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey 2012). I think that is what stuck with me the most walking away from this movie. Will I finish the franchise? Probably not. I have a lot of diehard LOTR fans as friends, and they loathe this trilogy so I don’t feel the need to watch it, but I might consider reading the source material. Unfortunately, the studios kind of shot themselves in the foot with this one. I would’ve had the patience to sit through a four-hour-long movie if it covered the whole book. Making a trilogy out of a book that is shorter than any of the The Lord of the Rings books was not the best idea.
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Can we talk about how unfairly two Disney sequel movies have been treated after Moana? I mean, the first was Ralph Breaks the Internet, which gets SO MUCH UNNECESSARY AND UNFAIR HATE. Then there’s Frozen II, which gets hate, but not as much as Ralph Breaks the Internet. It’s all until Encanto comes along and gets acclaimed. Let me tell you why Ralph 2abd Frozen II are GREAT Disney sequels and DO NOT deserve all the hate they get.
First of all, I will be among the small village to defend Ralph 2 and agree with how it ends, because the majority of people who hate it for their own reason honestly just make me sick as hell. Like, FUCK the assholes who think negatively about Vanellope for her decision to move into Slaughter Race and out of Sugar Rush, believing her to have selfishly "gone Turbo" (when she clearly did nothing of the sort). She only wanted to experience something new outside of her game, and while she is on much better terms with everyone in Sugar Rush now, she does not have that much attachment to them since they ostracized her for years--although it was not really their fault, on account that Turbo brainwashed them after he took over the game (until he was ultimately exposed and defeated by Ralph). Also, Vanellope may have been the princess/president of Sugar Rush, but she was not an essential part of the game, just a playable racer like the others. So when she said to Ralph that no one would miss her, she meant players of the arcade, not the citizens of Sugar Rush or the other video game characters she became acquainted with. Vanellope probably could have at least said goodbye to them as well and not just Ralph, but she wasn't putting anyone at risk leaving her game like Turbo did; they were all okay with her choice and able to stay in touch with her like Ralph was. Besides, Sugar Rush is supposed to have a rotating roster of players, so odds are players of the arcade wouldn't question why she is missing. Plus, the company that made Sugar Rush went out of business, so unless they sold the rights to their characters, it's unlikely anyone would question a guest character like her showing up in Slaughter Race. Furthermore, Vanellope's code was incorporated into Slaughter Race by the end of the film, so that she could stay in the game and never die outside of Sugar Rush. Thus, she made the right decision in following her dreams (which was encouraged by the Disney Princesses). So if one more person dares say she went Turbo, I am gonna just quit my life for real, because SHE DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING LIKE THAT WHATFUCKINGSOEVER.
Moving on to Frozen II, I found it to be a really good sequel that’s better than the original (yes, I know how iconic the original one is, and I still love it). Olaf is still my favorite character in the whole Frozen franchise, so seeing him all confused and hurt about everything changing (and then FADING AWAY later on) cuts me deep. Also, the music is great and takes it to the next level (Show Yourself specifically). Like Ralph 2, the storyline is especially clever.
One thing these sequels have in common is the central message they have: that no matter how far apart two can be, they will still always be the best of friends and that all it takes is trust. If I could pick, I’d say Ralph Breaks the Internet does it a bit better than Frozen II. I mean, come on, this is a friendship story we’re talking about. That part where the halved necklace combines at the end? B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L. It’s also about insecurities and not letting them define you in any possible way. Ralph was afraid things would go back to how they were in the first film, him seen as only a villain rather than a friend. Vanellope was the first to relate and see the darkness in him because she too felt that darkness. She was his first true best friend for maybe his whole damn life. So when she considers a more exciting life in the Internet, he’s terrified that he might lose her, much so that he takes it upon himself to plant that virus into the Slaughter Race game. It’s when Ralph truly understands how important it is to trust Vanellope and believe in her that he lets her go. After that, he starts to feel more confident and interact with others. Not to mention he calls her whenever.
Frozen II, on the other hand, takes a sibling-like approach to the message. Anna becomes afraid of losing her eldest sister Elsa to the enchanted forest until learning how important it is to trust her sister and know that Arendelle will be safe from harm as long. Not sure if that’s the case, because I haven’t watched Frozen II in a while, but I know that happened.
Apologies for the long rant, but I felt like I had to get something off my chest for a little bit there. So anyways, there you have it: Ralph Breaks the Internet and Frozen II are very great Disney sequels, and no, I don’t care that haters say otherwise, nor will I take any criticism. Thanks for listening to my TED Talk.
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Since I have been quite getting into a lot of a SpongeBob Mood lately with a piece of slice break from being in an SMG4 Mood. I've recently got into New Fandoms besides than SpongeBob like the Disney Villains Fandom for Instance.
And while we all agree that Sponge on The Run had some mixed qualities towards the Entire SpongeBob franchise, it doesn't really hold up towards the First and Second SpongeBob Movies since the Third lead into Spinoffs that Hillenburg didn't actually want but Nickelodeon decided to spit on his grave and screw it up for his creation just to disrespect his wishes with the idea of changing the past and even changing one of the characters' family.
But as far as I don't really mind the spinoffs since I have nothing against them but I think the Third Movie could have been done better instead of just telling up some lies on how SpongeBob met his friends only for just some spin-offs, the only one thing that I like about Sponge on The Run was this character that I recently fell in love with...Poseidon.
Now I know he's not really the Best Villain ever since he barley got any screentime which just tick me off considering I found this character interesting while the whole movie just felt so boring, especially without a development subplot for this Other Sea King. It's just "He is Handsome and He Admires his Looks" that's it.
Needless to say, this honestly my most favorite portrayal of Poseidon. I know he may not be all that faithful to his Original Self from the Myths but I found his Character Design and Personality in the Film a bit interesting. I also felt bad for Him for not having a lot of friends in his life until SpongeBob redeemed him as he forgives him as Poseidon reveals himself that he did in fact age all along (I'm sorry but What?)
Do God even AGE in this Universe? A God doesn't Age. When a God Ages, they never change their looks, they are completely ageless and stay immortal forever, especially for a true fact that they never died since they're powerful deities.
I'm honestly disappointed that no one ever even drew him before (come on, Internet). Which is why I have decided to draw him since I am in such a SpongeBob mood a lot. I personally don't really mind his true identity, but I often wish that a lot of cartoons would draw a lot more from Greek Roman Mythology. I might re-write this character sooner or later like how I completely re-wrote Desti from "SMG4" to fix her development since after all, characters do deserve a lot of potential instead of having them in their stories being wasted.
Poseidon (c) Greek Mythology
SpongeBob SquarePants (c) Stephen Hillenburg
#spongebob squarepants#the spongebob movie sponge on the run#sponge on the run#poseidon#greek mythology
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Full article below.
Max Minghella is sitting in his backyard in the LA sunshine, his t-shirt an homage to the French filmmaker Mia Hansen-Løve, his adopted shepherd mix, Rhye, excited by the approach of a package courier.
“You okay, sweetheart?” he asks — the dog, not me — tenderly.
Minghella, who at 35 has dozens of screen credits to his name, is best known as The Handmaid’s Tale’s cunning chauffeur Nick Blaine, a character who it’s difficult to imagine saying sweetheart. In airless Gilead, of course, a cautious hand graze with Elisabeth Moss’ June can pass for a big romantic gesture. In a Season 1 episode featuring child separation and hospital infant abduction, Nick’s major contribution is to trade stolen glances with a sex slave while “Don’t You (Forget About Me)” pumps discordantly along. I ask Minghella about playing the series’ closest approximation to a dreamy male lead against the show’s dark narrative of female subjugation.
“I know this is not the answer you want to hear,” Minghella says with none of Nick’s hesitation. “But I like that stuff, right? In the pilot, I think Nick only had a handful of lines. It wasn't clear that this is what the character would turn into. And it's quite fortunate for me personally, because I'm not a massively sort of intellectual person in my real life. I love Fifty Shades of Grey. That's like my Star Wars. It suits me to play a character like him.”
Minghella surmises that this enduring romanticism is an outcome of nurture. His father, the late British director Anthony Minghella, made grand romantic dramas like Cold Mountain and The English Patient. And there was the young, cinema-mad Max sitting on the living room sofa, absorbing everything. “It’s taken me a long time to understand this,” he says of his prolonged childhood exposure to love stories. “My dad made The English Patient when I was 10. So it was two years of watching the dailies to that movie and then watching 50 cuts of it. And then [The Talented Mr.] Ripley he made when I was 13, and it was the same thing.” These were an adolescent Max Minghella’s alternative to reruns. “I think they did shape my perspective on the world in a lot of ways, specifically The English Patient. That was a complicated love story, and I wonder sometimes how much it's affected my psychology.”
Some sons rebel; others resemble. Minghella’s co-star O-T Fagbenle, who plays June’s other lover from before the time of Gilead, got his first job acting in Anthony Minghella’s romantic crime film Breaking and Entering. “Anthony is one the kindest, most beautiful men that I've ever had the privilege of working with before,” Fagbenle says. “And Max has his gorgeous, sensitive, open-minded soul.”
Though Minghella spent his childhood on the set of The Talented Mr. Ripley, playing an uncredited Confederate soldier role in Cold Mountain, and tooling around with a Super-8 camera Matt Damon gave him, he insists his upbringing was normal. He grew up in South Hill Park overlooking Hampstead Heath in London with his father and mother, the choreographer Carolyn Choa. (Minghella also has a half-sister, Hannah Minghella, who is now a film executive.) Yes, technically, it was London, but that’s not how it seemed. “I feel like I grew up in a very small town. Every school I went to was in Hampstead. I was born in Hampstead,” Minghella says of the small map dot of his life before university. “When I went to New York, I felt I was going to the big city.”
Despite his illustrious surname, movie-watching was far from restricted to the classics. “Beverly Hills Cop is definitely the movie I remember having an unhealthy obsession with. I think I saw it when I was 5 for the first time, and I'd watch it just two or three times a day for years. I'm just obsessed with it.”
Plenty of actors can trace their love of movies back to a love of stories, but for Minghella the relationship seems to flow in reverse. When he left for Columbia University, Minghella opted to study history for its connection, through storytelling, to film. It was during the summers between his years of college that he started taking acting more seriously. Before his graduation, he’d already appeared in Syriana, starring Damon and George Clooney. Soon, he’d make a splash as Divya Narendra in The Social Network in 2010 and be cast in Clooney’s Ides of March. As all young actors eventually must, Minghella moved to Los Angeles.
It’s been over a decade since he last lived on the Heath, but, perhaps unusually for a person who’s chosen his profession, Minghella is adamantly not a “shapeshifter,” in his words. Home for Christmas this year, he started sifting through old journals stored at his mother’s house, “just like scraps of writing from when I was extremely young up through my teenage years,” before coming to America. “It was hilarious to me,” Minghella says of staring at his childhood reflection. “My review of a movie at 7 years old is pretty much what my review of a movie at 35 will be. My taste hasn't changed much. And when I sort of love something, I do tend to continue to love it.”
Which brings us back to his enduring love of romance, born of his bloodline, which is all over Minghella’s own 2018 directorial debut. Teen Spirit is a hazily lit film about a teenage girl from the Isle of Wight — the remote British island where Max’s father Anthony was born — who enters a local X-Factor-style singing competition. (It stars Minghella’s rumored girlfriend of several years, Elle Fanning.) The story is small, but its crescendos are epic.
Minghella calls the movie — an ode to the power of the pop anthem — “embarrassingly Max.” Max loves a good music-driven movie trailer — he’s watched the one for Top Gun: Maverick “many” times. And Max loves the rhythmic beats of sports movies like Friday Night Lights. Max loves movies with excesses of female energy, like Spring Breakers. He likens Teen Spirit to an experiment, his answer to the question, “Can I take all these things that I love and find a structure that can hold them?” The result is a touching “hodgepodge” of Minghella’s fascinations, inspired by the songs from another thing he loves: Robyn’s 2010 album Body Talk (itself a dance-pop meditation on love).
Minghella hasn’t directed any films since, but he sees now how making movies fits his personality — organized, impatient — more organically than starring in them does. Directing also helped him to appreciate that acting is “much harder than I was giving it credit for,” which, in turn, has made him like it more. Besides The Handmaid’s Tale currently airing on Hulu, Minghella appears in Spiral, the ninth installment in the Saw horror franchise and, from where I’m sitting, at least, a departure.
“I do like horror movies, but the thing that was really kind of magical is that I was feeling so nostalgic, right? We talked about Beverly Hills Cop earlier. I was just missing a certain kind of movie,” Minghella explains of his new role as Chris Rock’s detective partner. He was yearning for simple story-telling, like in the buddy cop movies of his youth, especially 48 Hours. It almost goes without saying that a buddy cop movie is another kind of love story. “And then I read the script and it was very much in that vein.” He clarifies: “I mean, it's also extremely Saw. It's very much a horror movie.”
His renewed excitement for acting translated onto The Handmaid’s Tale set, too. Veteran Hollywood producer Warren Littlefield describes casting Minghella in the role of Nick as an effortless choice: “Sometimes you agonize over things. [Casting Minghella] was instantly clear to me, and everyone agreed.” Now in its fourth season, the tone of the Hulu hit is graver than ever. Gilead is more desperate to maintain its rule, and so more audacious in its violence. Perhaps it’s fitting that the show’s romantic gestures finally match that scale.
In one particularly soaring moment, Elisabeth Moss’ June and Minghella’s Nick meet at the center of a bridge and crush into a long kiss. It’s been two seasons since they held their newborn daughter together, and it’s hard to see how this isn’t their last goodbye. Littlefield, like Minghella, is here for the romance among the rubble. “It's spectacular when they come together. In the middle of all of the trauma is this epic love story,” he says. “Max is just magnificent in the role.”
For Minghella, the satisfaction is more personal. He works with good people, he likes his scenes, and he thinks Nick is a complex character. Minghella read The Handmaid’s Tale for the first time in college in 2005. Like all the things Minghella has ever liked, he still likes it. He’s as proud of this most recent season as he is the show’s first. And he watched Nick and June race recklessly back to each other across the expanse of the screen exactly how you might expect. “I watched it like a fan girl.”
#max minghella#the handmaids tale#the handmaid's tale#nick blaine#nick x june#june x nick#osblaine#*
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Haruhi Suzumiya’s Limited Shelf Life
The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi, an adaptation of a light novel series of the same name, is a 2006 anime who’s ascent into stardom occurred with unmatched speed, but in my opinion its staying power as a “relevant” anime experienced an equally rapid descent. Most people would point fingers at the legendary - just unparalleled in its audacity and “fuck all y’all” vibes - Endless Eight arc of its second season. Others, such as this quite fun video essay on Endless Eight which partially inspired this essay, point to the lack of light novel source material dragging down the possibility of more content to keep up momentum. I’m not going to make a numbers or data-based argument on how the Haruhi franchise actually performed; instead, after rewatching the Haruhi anime recently I feel the show itself was built to have a limited shelf-life from the get-go, and its decline should be no surprise.
Haruhi, to briefly summarize, is the story of Kyon, a witty-but-average highschooler who gets tsundere-roped into being the assistant to the titular Haruhi Suzumiya, a bored maniac constantly trying to drum up paranormal hijinks for kicks who is, unbeknownst to herself, secretly God who’s boredom if left unchecked will destroy the universe. That might sound like a pretty zany plot premise, but it has nothing on the presentation of the show itself. The ‘first’ episode of Haruhi aired, with no context or lead in, as an obviously garbage-tier magical-girl show ‘home-made’ by the actual characters in the show, with fourth wall-breaks and editing mishaps aplenty. And while the next episode proceeded to be the proper episode 1, the whole show airs entirely out of order, with characters referring explicitly to past events that the audience has not seen. Which all leads into the final episode of the first season being chronologically...episode 6. Pieced together afterwards, the show has a complete arc from the episodes 1 to 6 that were peppered throughout the broadcast order, and episodes 7 to 14 are one-off stories that enhance the characters and showcase the (subtle) changes resulting from that original arc.
This presentation was a *huge* part of the success of the show, primarily because it contributed so much to the Drama of it all. Love it or hate you had something to talk about, and the puzzle of what was actually going on - particularly after the first episode - pushed the 2ch thread comment counts into the Haruhi-blessed heavens. It wasn’t just a gimmick though - what it did was make a good show out of, well, not-very-good source material.
Haruhi in broadcast order presents a sort of arc mystery in that how you see Kyon & Haruhi act around each other changes as the timeline jumps around, and that answer to “why?” is slowly revealed to you (spoiler alert, it's fundamentally romance, but it is well done). It gives that finale a ton of impact, and given how well you know the characters means you are really invested in their relationship at that point. But in chronological order...well that conclusion is a bit rushed, isn’t it? 6 episodes to care about a romance, half of the run-time of which is spent on the 3 other main characters besides Kyon and Haruhi? And then those later episodes, more than half the season, are just one-offs with no narrative. Airing chronologically would be a bad way to structure the show, for sure - but that is exactly how the books go! They are decently executed but jeez are they fluffy beyond the first novel, which tells that tight 6 episode starting arc.
The show’s first season even acknowledges this, even in its later filler, by jumping around in what they actually adapt. One of Haruhi’s best episodes is episode 12, “Live Alive”, which features the stunningly-animated “God Knows” musical performance, but also ends on an intimate moment between Haruhi & Kyon where Haruhi lets slip a bit of growth in seeing what emotional value doing things for others can hold over always chasing her own myopic desires. It’s a great way to set up her slow-burn evolution, so it works well as lead-in to the finale (which is when it broadcasts). That is why Kyoto Animation chose to adapt that scene... from the depths of Book 6!! They skipped over several novels of content to pull that story out, because they needed it - as the rest of the source material is often filler.
Even the comedic chops of the show, its other strength, often exist in the first season despite the source material, not because of it. The seams actually start to show in season 1 itself, which has a few clunker episodes in its runtime. One of the comedic underpinnings of the show is how it parodies sci-fi anime & light novel elements, making fun of how esoterically nonsensical they can get. In one of the early episodes, when one of the crew - Mikuru - reveals herself to be a time traveller sent from the future to ‘protect the timeline from Haruhi’s power’ or whatever, her explanation is just completely skipped over by our point-of-view character in Kyon, with every other word bled together in a montage sequence as the camera spins around the scene, to highlight how silly the *mechanics* of the powers of these characters are to think about. It's definitely a great gag - which makes it very odd when, in episode 7, the characters spend, and I counted, *4 minutes* explaining over static shots of the characters how the mechanics of the paranormal villain-of-the-week operated. Its has a wider point, the show isn’t incompetent, but its jarring given how earlier the show told you so stridently that these kinds of details won’t matter. But that story is from book 3, it's what the source material becomes, so they can only go so far to fix it.
All of these problems just compounded on themselves when they made additional content, as at that point they had already mined the source material for the arc-nuggets it had and only the detritus remained. Remember that hilariously-bold opening episode, of a magical-girl homemade trainwreck of a film I mentioned? The one that is so funny precisely because you have no context for it, such that your confusion just heightens the humor while you also somehow learn so much about the characters you have never met via the bold characterization? Want to watch *five episodes* about them making that film, which you have already seen and is in the end nothing but a punchline? No? Then 30% of season 2 won’t have much to offer you, since that is what they did - because that smash-cut opening gag doesn’t exist in the source material, it instead gets a whole book devoted to it. For sure other stuff happens in those episodes, it isn't terrible - but it fundamentally lacks the stroke of genius of that season 1 opening, to trust in the audience the way they did to go along for the ride.
Endless Eight obviously didn’t help the show maintain popularity, and the movie is pretty decent, but there was no escaping the fundamental problem; namely that everything after Season 1 is fundamentally niche. It appeals if you like this specific genre of show, and these specific characters. Which is fine, but that can never be the Most Popular Show around, that market size is capped. The moment Haruhi the show had to keep going beyond that first season, it had nowhere to go but down.
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What I Thought About "What If...Captain Carter was the First Avenger" from Marvel Studios' What If...
Salutations, random people on the internet who certainly won’t read this! I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons.
Back when Marvel Studios announced the new lineup of films and shows, I was admittingly underwhelmed. Nothing we've seen so far has been poorly written, far from it, but during the announcement, nothing really popped out at me as worth getting excited for. That is, except for one series: Marvel Studios' What If... An animated series that changes the canon of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, all through the simple question. The question being, "What if this happened instead of that."
From the get-go, I was sold on this idea. I'm a sucker for hypothetical scenarios, thinking up all the ways of how some of my favorite stories in fiction could be drastically different thanks to one tiny change. Some might call that "Fanfiction the Series," and while you're not wrong, I fail to see how that's a criticism. Because fanfiction can be fun...just as long as you ignore the sick freaks, sure, but it still can be fun! So whether Marvel Studio's What If... is fanfiction or not, it still didn't change how excited I was to watch it. Was it all worth the hype? Well, to answer that question requires spoilers, so keep that in mind as we dive deep into Marvel's most ambitious project yet.
Now, let's review, shall we?
WHAT I LIKED
The Watcher: Gonna get the generals out of the way before I talk about what I specifically like about this episode. Ok? Ok.
Now, using the Watcher as the narrator for this series is just perfect. What If... already has a similar energy to The Twilight Zone: An anthology series that takes viewers to new and mysterious realities all through the guidance of an omniscient narrator. And using the Watcher as that type of narrator might just be the second-best choice...number one would be Stan Lee, obviously, but...he's dead now. May he rest in peace.
I haven't read that many comics, so there's not much that I know about the Watcher's character aside from a ten-second Google search. But something tells me that a character described as a celestial being that observes and records the events surrounding the galaxy sounds like the exact type of omniscience to guide us through the unknown. All added with Jeffrey Wright's performance, who really does convey a character that sounds like he's as old as time and wise beyond his years. Plus, it's pretty cool that such a seemingly odd character now technically plays a major role in the MCU canon. Comics are weird, and if the Watcher proves anything, it's better to embrace that weirdness than deny it.
The Animation: Looks like someone watched Spider-Man: Into the Spiderverse.
That really is the feeling I got when watching this. What If... doesn't look as good as Spiderverse (Nothing can be as good as Spiderverse), but the idea is still there as it combines primarily CGI animation with a few hand-drawn elements. It makes certain scenes just pop and, at times, even makes specific shots look like they're straight from panels in a comic book. Besides, while Spiderverse still looks better, that doesn't mean the animation isn't phenomenal in What If... The scenery looks gorgeous, the CGI models moderately match their live-action counterparts, the expressions are fantastic, and movements are as smooth as butter. There was definitely some money that went into this series to make it look as good as it did, and my eyeballs were more than grateful because of it. Especially when it comes to--
The Action: Holy s**t, was it a good thing that this series was animated!
The MCU has had its fair share of great fight scenes in the past, but it always felt restricted to what the big superhero fights could be due to everything needing to look "realistic." That all changes in What If... Because now that this series is animated, we can finally chuck realism out the window and allow these characters to be as epic as they were in the comics. The movements are swift, the blows look like they hurt, and best of all, you actually get to see characters fighting each other! There are no random cuts to hide the stunt doubles or weird camera angles to avoid audiences seeing how ugly the CGIed replacements are. We get to see all of the action with zero restraint, thanks to the fact that animation is limitless and allows writers to get away with literally anything. And shows like this make me wonder, "Why the hell isn't the MCU animated?"
Peggy as Captain Carter: It's here that we get into the specifics, and by golly, do I love me some Peggy Carter making a return. And what a return she made!
Seeing Peggy kick Nazi ass as Captain Carter is as awesome as it sounds as she gives a new definition of a "Strong, independent woman." She took s**t from no one and was more than willing to destroy anybody who said differently. It's a ton of fun for fans (the ones who aren't sexist, at least) and even fun for Peggy as well now that she gets a chance to wreck shop. However, that in itself could cause problems. If you watched Agent Carter (a great show, by the way), then you'll know that Peggy doesn't act as...somewhat meatheaded as she does here. As she said it herself, she's "usually more covert than this." And she is, as she was pretty much the first superspy in the MCU, who's impressive through how she effortlessly infiltrates her way to winning the day with diminutive requirements for fighting. So stripping that away gets rid of a core part of what makes her character so interesting. Although, in fairness, you could blame the fact that the reason she's acting like this is that the super-soldier serum is messing with her brain a bit. We've seen through U.S. Agent the reciprocations of the wrong person taking the serum, and while Peggy is far from the worst pick, there are hints of why Steve Rodgers was the best choice. Still, even though it's not the same Peggy Carter, that doesn't mean Captain Carter is a poor addition to the hero roster in the MCU. She's cool in all the right ways, even though they're drastically different from what made her compelling, to begin with.
Howard Stark: Another character I'm more than happy to see again!
Howard didn't leave that much of a grand of an impression in Captain America: The First Avenger, but in Agent Carter (Seriously, great show), he was a blast. You can just tell he was Tony Stark's father through all the ways he fast-talks in and out of problems and brilliantly comes up with solutions thanks to being tech-savvy. The main difference between Howard and Tony, however, is that Howard prefers to stay on the sidelines, where Tony learned to be more proactive. You get a sense of that in this episode. Because even though he goes to save the day, you can tell that he would rather be anywhere else. And, as a bonus, Howard's just funny. Probably not up there as one of the funniest characters in the franchise (Paul Rudd's Ant-Man reigns supreme), but he still cracks me up more times than not. Howard may be nothing more than a side character, but he'll always win me over no matter how small of a role he has.
Steve Rodgers in the Hydra Stomper: Don't mind me. Just admiring the fact that despite being crippled and skinny, Steve Rodgers still finds a way to fight the good fight, which is who Steve is to me. One of the best things about The First Avenger is that it fully understands the hero that is Captain America. Serum or not, he will do all he can to do the right thing and won't give up despite how many times others tell him he should. So if Steve's going to fly around in a suped-up Iron Man suit that's appropriately named "The Hydra Stomper," then Steve'll f**king soar. Because he is a gosh dang superhero, no matter what name he takes at the end of the day.
Fast-Forwarding Through Events: Some fans might take issues with this. Don't get me wrong, I would love to see all the little changes that Captain Carter makes to the story, but realistically that's not the best choice to make. Let's be honest, there's not that much to show other than what this episode did, and doing a full-on rewrite of Captain America: The First Avenger would have rubbed some fans the wrong way. Besides, from what I can tell, most of the What If... comics are one-shots that very rarely branch out into longer arcs. The primary goal is less to write this large-scale story and more of this self-contained narrative that does what it precisely delivers: Show fans a glimpse of what would happen if this happened instead of that. That's what we were given, and I can't really complain that much. I would have loved to have seen more, but I can learn to be happy with what I got.
Colonel Flynn Taking Credit: This guy is sexist and an idiot, and that's why I hate him...but I'd be lying if I said that I didn't at least chuckle when he said everything was his idea. It's such a scumbag move that I couldn't help but find the humor in it.
(Like, what even was that scene where Peggy was pissed at Steve kissing a girl. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DATING !)nd Steve falling in love inThe First Avenger, which certainly wasn't helped by how they had these dumbass misunderstandings of each thinking the other was dating someone else. Here, they at least get to interact, confiding in one another about their insecurities and offer support when needed. And while it may be a little rushed, I'm more willing to believe their romance in under thirty minutes than I did in over two hours. It could have been better, but it also could have been much, much worse.
(Like, what even was that scene where Peggy was pissed at Steve kissing a girl. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DATING AT THE TIME!)
“I won’t tell you anything.”/”He told me everything.”: That's the Peggy Carter I know and love! Added with a solid joke, too.
Steve’s Pratfall: It's nice to know that no matter what universe we see, Marvel is still funny.
Peggy’s Sacrifice: Much like Peggy and Steve's romance, I buy Peggy's sacrifice way more than Steve's. Several fans already pointed out how it makes no sense for Steve to crash the plane into the icy waters when it seemed like he had enough control to land it or could have easily jumped out after aiming for the crash landing. Here, there's a more legitimate reason why Peggy sacrifices herself. The monster was undefeatable, and the only way to stop it was to push it back through the portal. Peggy, being the only one strong enough to do so at the moment, was the only option, and there was no way where she didn't end up going through with the monster. Even her return makes more sense, as I think her being lost to time and space sounds more believable than Steve surviving being frozen in ice. Something no mortal man should live through. Peggy's sacrifice proves that while the MCU can't change its cannon past, the writers learn from their mistakes and make something better.
WHAT I DISLIKED
The Reasoning Behind Peggy Becoming Captain Carter: So, the idea that one small change can greatly alter the story we knew is a great one, and it's one of the main reasons why I was excited about this series...but how does Peggy staying in the room cause the Hydra agent to detonate the bomb early? I understand the ripples that come from the Butterfly Effect, but I feel like that's too big of a leap to reason how Peggy ends up taking the serum instead.
Colonel Flynn: How is it possible that this guy is somehow even more of a pain in the ass than the general he replaced? At least Chester Phillips had the decency to respect Agent Carter!
Red Skull is Still on the Dull Side: Red Skull isn't an awful villain, but he wasn't really a great one. It's the same here, as he's just as forgettable and wooden an episode of television as he was in a full-length movie. But at least he had a cooler death this time.
Sebastian Stan is Not a Great Voice Actor: He's not awful, but his talent really doesn't shine in this regard. Some people think that being an actor and a voice actor is the same thing, but it's not always the case. Through live-action, actors are given a chance to express emotion through their expressions, movement, and voice. With voice acting, actors still have to convey emotions, but strictly through their voice. Meaning that actors like Sebastian Stan are limited to what they're used to and can stumble a bit when trying to perform in a field of acting they're unfamiliar with. You can tell he was trying his best, but this type of thing can take far more practice for others to perfect.
“Whew. Thanks. You almost ripped my arm off.”: ...hhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHA! HA HA! Ah...oh man...I, uh...I felt the internal bleeding with that one. Wow. Just...wow.
Bucky Leaving After Steve “Died”: Ok, now that's the biggest bout of bulls**t I've ever heard. BUCKY WOULD BE WITH STEVE 'TILL THE END OF THE LINE AND WOULD NOT HAVE LEFT THAT QUICKLY!
...This episode did Bucky dirty, didn't it?
IN CONCLUSION
I'd say that "What If...Captain Carter was the First Avenger" is an A-. It's still a solid start of what I can already tell will be a great series, but some elements could have used some polishing out. I loved it, but it wasn't as bloody brilliant as it could have been.
(And I meant it: WATCH AGENT CARTER! It's pleasantly surprising!)
#marvel cinematic universe#mcu reviews#marvel studios what if#peggy carter#captain carter#steve rodgers#hydra stomper#howard stark#bucky barnes#what i thought about#what if reviews
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I was listening to the Dead Meat Podcast (a horror podcast on youtube or wherever you get your podcasts) and found the latest episode is on Godzilla 1954! It's a really great dive into the culture surrounding the original movie's release and I was reminded of your love for Goji, so thought I'd shoot you a recommendation 💚
Oh no...not again...
I have a joke about Godzilla that I often tell, and though that is how it’s meant to be taken (as a joke) it rings true for me. Ready?
In total there are 32 Godzilla movies, and one of them is good.
Now before you get your breeches in a bunch hear me out. This fact doesn’t lessen the Godzilla franchise by any means. In fact—if anything—it strengthens it. What other movie can you possibly name with 31 sequels? There is none.
Every Godzilla fan knows that the point of these movies was not to best the original 1954 “Gojira,” but to make stacks on stacks on stacks on stacks...
...with the consequence being that all other Godzilla movies are more or less delightfully campy. In other words, bad.
When Gojira was made Toho Studios—and the Japanese economy at large—was hanging on by a thread. With Gojira they had lightning in a bottle and you better believe they C A P I T A L I Z E D on that -ish! But make no mistake...
Gojira 1954 is the best Godzilla movie ever made.
In no other Godzilla movie is the loss of human life taken so seriously. In no other Godzilla movie are the ramifications of nuclear experimentation presented with such deadly sobriety. This is not just a monster movie. It is a time capsule. It is—in my mind—a legitimate horror film. This movie is violent and the violence is not treated as entertainment.
THIS scene from Gojira makes me cry
THIS scene from Gojira makes me cry
The “Prayer for Peace” song by a children’s choir—you guessed it—makes me cry
[Note: Shinkichi‘s near-death rescue off the coast of Odo Island also makes me cry but I couldn’t find a still of it]
Make no mistake at its core Gojira 1954 is a film about death.
In no other Godzilla movie do we HEAR the monster is before we SEE it and the reveal is I C O N I C
ICONIC ICONIC ICONIC. EYE. CON. ICK.
And BELIEVE me when I say that I haven’t even gotten to the film’s score yet and I’m not going to because HERE is my main point and I’m TURNING HEEL
When Godzilla 2014 was in the works [I was] thrilled like most people, but wary. As it turned out I think the “snub nosed thicc boi” design they came up with is pretty much excellent.
But when I saw the movie I was beside myself with ANGER when story implies that we (Americans) were testing nuclear weapons off of Japan not to kill people but a monster.
This revisionist history is heartless and insulting and we did it to the original film ALSO
Entire scenes from Gojira 1954 were stripped from the American release and replaced because of so-called “Anti-American sentiment.” I still have a place in my heart for the The Raymond Burr “adaptation” because—like so many before me—it was my first introduction to Godzilla. But for them to carry out the same crap in 2014 broke my heart and for this reason
I do not consider American Godzilla movies canonical in the slightest.
They are pro nuclear. They are pro military. They are anti history. We sacrifice TOO MUCH in the name of entertainment and frankly a line was crossed with me that can’t be undone. And If I sound like a stick in the mud I don’t give a damn. HEEL TURN.
NEVER forget that Legendary tried to kill Hideaki Anno and Shinji Higuchi‘s “Shin Gojira”
They wanted us to ONLY watch their version. They made it DIFFICULT to watch that movie in theaters! You might have missed it! and so it was ESPECIALLY delicious when despite American Capitalist tampering Shin Gojira went on to be one of (if not the) highest grossing Godzilla movie since King Kong vs Godzilla 1962 (please don’t get me started on this movie) HALLELUJAH HOLY SHIT WHERE'S THE TYLENOL!!!!!
#justin hubbell#tylenol#godzilla#gojira#gojira 1954#I hate that there is a metal band called Gojira I hate that#for a while when I looked up Gojira that's all I got right here on Tumblr#There's also way too many car images with the Godzilla/Gojira hashtag#monster#monster movie#toho#toho studios#kaiju#giant monster#movies#film#history#revisionist history
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So, I’m writing Marvel now…
The thing is, Marvel is a special interest for me. Has been for a long time. The MCU while it has its downsides (I will never forgive them for what they did to Steve Rogers.) is one of my favorite movie franchises of all time. It’s a crime that I haven’t written any fics for it yet, honestly.
This isn’t nearly finished, and I have no idea when it will be or how long it’ll be. It doesn’t even have a name or full plan yet. But it’s a fun project for me. I want to explore the fact that Captain America is from the 40’s, however when he wakes up he is still in his twenties. He’s technically the youngest on the team while simultaneously being way older and being treated as way older than everyone around him. It picks up during the first Avengers film and is written from Tony’s POV. (Again, so far. It’s not done and I could still switch POV’s every once in a while.)
All that being said, enjoy!
Steve hates him. He hates Tony. Tony Stark. Son of his old friend, Howard Stark.
The old bastard was right, isn’t that just ironic.
Endless fights over Tony being a disappointment. Being nothing like the Greatest Man Howard Ever Knew. Howard never shut up about the great Captain America, so of course Tony knew this was coming.
Tony had tried when he was younger, he did. He’d tried to be better, braver, stronger, faster, witty in a way Howard would appreciate. But after a while he’d realized that no matter what he did, no matter how hard he tried, he’d never live up to what Howard wanted from him. Howard said daily that Captain America, Steve Rogers, would be disgusted by Tony. And Tony had just about recently decided that he was moving on from all of his daddy issues and metaphorically telling Howard to shove his criticisms very far up his ass. And, isn’t this just the kicker, Steve Rogers is right in front of him confirming it all.
“Big man in a suit of armor. Take that off, what are you?”
Exactly what everyone thinks I am, obviously.
“Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.”
What? He’s not about to make it easy on Captain America of all people. If anyone can handle his sass, it’s the so called bravest man who ever lived.
“I know guys with none of that worth ten of you. Yeah, I've seen the footage. The only thing you really fight for is yourself. You're not the guy to make the sacrifice play, to lay down on a wire and let the other guy crawl over you.”
Wow, okay. He’s really laying it on, isn't he? He must be really pissed. In all honesty, Tony hadn’t thought it would be so easy to get to him. Or, rather, to get him to a point where he’s actually making personal, cutting blows.
Still, Tony doesn’t want to cause an actual fight. If he wanted that he’d have started off a little more strong, like how Rogers is. What with all the steam coming from his ears. Howard hadn’t mentioned the potentially problematic short fuse in all his ramblings. Whatever, just keep deflecting and find a way to defuse, then. He’s been around long enough to know when the right time to fight is. Currently they have a volatile, murderous psychopath who obviously wants them all fighting on board, so now is not a good time.
“I think I would just cut the wire.”
There, nice and simple. There’s no way Mr. Short Fuse can turn that into-
“Always a way out... You know, you may not be a threat, but you better stop pretending to be a hero.”
Now he’s done it. He’s honestly tempted to say ‘Or what?’. Just curiosity speaking, what would Rogers do? And, another thing, Tony has never claimed to be a hero. Sure, he’s saved a few people, and yeah, he’s trying to save the world currently, but the hero label was all but thrown at him the moment he came out to the world as Iron Man. He doesn’t want to be a hero, all he wants right now is for Rogers to get off his damn high horse.
“A hero? Like you? You're a lab rat, Rogers. Everything special about you came out of a bottle!”
He hadn’t meant to say that. Truly, he hadn’t. He’s supposed to be actively diffusing the situation. But honestly it was an achievement he’d gone that long without actually retaliating. You can only push a man so far-
“Put on the suit, let's go a few rounds.”
He’s not succeeding in his endeavor to not fight Captain America. His dad is likely screeching from his penthouse in hell.
He moves away from Rogers just in time for the locator to go off, signifying that they’ve found what they were looking for. This is followed by an argument about who is going to get it, a rather horrifying revelation that his new best friend besides Rhodey, Pepper and Happy, (Yes, he has claimed this already, he just has to convince Bruce.) has tried to kill himself, and then suddenly Captain America is trying to fight him, again.
“Put on the suit, let’s find out!”
“I’m not afraid to hit an old man.” He replies calmly, though a little heated.
It’s just oh so ironic, (This whole conversation has been filled to the brim with irony.) that as Tony says that he laments how immature they’re acting. Seriously, the guy’s in his nineties, why is he pulling Tony into this? The irony strikes him then and there, as he’s watching Rogers get all riled up. Captain America is practically a kid.
It’s kind of funny to think about. Captain America, the man out of time, he’s only in his twenties. Tony is twenty years older than him, mentally. Now it’s not about fighting his fathers old friend. It’s not even about the fact that this is Captain America, and how anti-patriotic it would be to deck him.
No, Tony wont fight a twenty-something year old. It’s not dignified. It wouldn’t even be fair. Rogers hasn’t had the time to fully develop patience like Tony has. His brain hasn’t aged just as his body hasn’t. No wonder he has such a short fuse, Tony was the same way when he was young.
Something explodes while his brain is having this revelation, and he realizes that this is an attack. Good thing they weren’t fighting each other, then.
Steve helps him up after they’re both thrown across the room from the blast.
“Put on the suit.”
Tony nods, finally agreeing with the man on something.
“Yep.”
-
Of course they would end up working together to fix the turbine. That’s the way the world works. Rogers hates Tony, and Tony won’t fight him, which seems to be making Rogers more angry. But now all of that has to be put aside for the greater good. Hopefully they’ll be able to do this before another turbine goes down and the whole boat falls from the sky.
“What’s it look like in there?”
Tony really needs this to go well. Surely Rogers can’t be too inept with technology. He’s young, young people are the future of technology! He even understood the Wizard of Oz reference earlier, so he’s sort of up to date, right?
“It seems to run on some form of electricity!”
So much for his optimism. Despite the feeling that this is going to end horribly, his mouth quirks a bit. That’s why it had taken him so long to put together how young Rogers actually is.
Still, this has to be tough for the guy, he’s clearly out of his depth here and is trying to help.
“Well, you’re not wrong.”
He teaches Rogers how to fix the relays, which takes some time given that he can’t personally guide the project. He’s a bit busy clearing the debris from the turbine and trying to keep up with the flying boat’s speed enough to stay beside it. You would think they’d stop moving so he can just hover and do repairs, but no! Although he does suppose that there is quite a bit of commotion happening inside too. Enough to warrant not slowing down, maybe.
“Even if I clear the rotors, this thing won't re-engage without a jump. I'm gonna have to get in there and push.”
“Well if that thing gets up to speed, you'll get shredded!”
Aw, he’s worried. Asshole.
Does this count as laying on the wire? Is this technically superhero-ing right now? Is this enough to prove to Rogers he has the right intentions? He hopes so.
“Then stay in the control unit and reverse polarity long enough to disengage mag-“
“Speak! English!”
Tony nearly laughs. He hadn’t realized how charming Rogers actually is, underneath all of the high and mighty hero stuff.
“Unless, Selvig has figured out how to stabilize the quantum tunneling effect”.
“Well, if he could do that he could achieve Heavy Ion Fusion at any reactor on the planet.” Bruce responds, understanding every word. Oh, Tony might just be in love.
“Finally, someone who speaks English.”
“Is that what just happened?”
It was a sly little comment, but it was there. He should have picked up on it at the time. Captain Rogers is funny.
“See that red lever? It'll slow the rotors down long enough for me to get out. Stand by it, wait for my word.”
He watches the man jump over to the lever, landing a little too close to the edge for comfort. Then instead of dwelling on the fact that he was concerned for Captain America’s safety, he goes into the turbine and starts to push.
While he’s pushing, there’s some gunfire. Also some rushing coming from Director Fury in his earpiece. He wonders if anyone has come out to help Rogers, and then realizes that obviously Rogers can handle himself, so why would anyone? Eventually the turbine feels like it's moving faster than him, so it’s time to get out.
“Cap, I need the lever!”
“I need a minute here!”
Uh oh. That won’t do at all.
“Lever! Now!”
This is so not how he wanted this to go. He falls into a rotor, and slides down into the bottom part of the turbine. He is so screwed. He’s going to break his spine, or his neck. He’s going to die fixing a boat engine. Engine’s are his bitch, he can’t die fixing an engine!
Suddenly the rotors let up, and it only takes Tony a split second to fly out and assess his damage. His suit’s going to give out on him. Any second now surely. He should get out of the air-
Loki’s men are on Rogers with guns, how is that a fair fight?
At least, that’s what he thinks before he tackles one and takes them right through the side of the boat with him, finally hitting the ground and letting the suit turn off.
He can’t quite see anymore, and he can’t quite tell if it's the suit or his eyes that are damaged. He was knocked around quite a bit. Maybe it’s a concussion? He hopes it’s temporary, he can’t work if he’s blind.
Actually, scratch that. That sounds ableist. It also sounds like he’s doubting himself, which he’d never do. He very much can work if he’s blind. Plenty of people do it every day.
He feels tired, a bit hazy. He’d been knocked around maybe too much. Is Steve okay? He looks up, and the captain is jumping back into the ship. Good.
Definitely a concussion, he thinks, letting his head fall back and passing out.
-
Coulson died. Loki killed him.
Tony hasn’t been on this boat for too long now, but he’s starting to think this is a suicide mission. Agent Coulson was Pepper’s friend; how’s he going to tell her? How will the news reach the cellist he was involved with?
“There was an idea, Stark knows this, called The Avengers Initiative-”
He hasn’t been listening, and was honestly okay with the numb indifference of his thoughts. Anything not to hear Fury’s words. Lies, honestly. There’s no excuse for the arsenal that was being built, regardless of if Fury hadn’t bet on it in the first place. And now- what? He wants to use Tony and the others as the replacement arsenal? They can’t even save one agent, let alone the world.
“…to fight the battles that we never could. Phil Coulson died still believing in that idea, in heroes.”
Tony stands, unable to hear anymore of this. Tony’s no hero. If Coulson was smarter, he never would have believed in heroes in the first place.
-
“Was he married?”
He looks at Rogers, at his attempt at starting a tough conversation. He sees why everyone likes the guy, really. Even after their almost-fight he comes to attempt to comfort Tony. Tony, for his part, isn’t even sure why he’s taking Coulson’s death so hard. It’s not like they were friends.
He just- well, it feels like this death is on him.
“No. There was a uh...cellist, I think.”
There’s no one to inform about his death. No one to send condolence flowers to. Pepper might mourn, his coworkers may also. The cellist… well, she won't be able to pick up their fling again.
.
“I'm sorry. He seemed like a good man.”
Steve Rogers has a good heart. He may be quick tempered, but he has a good heart.
“He was an idiot.”
“Why? For believing?”
For believing in them. Believing in this stupid, sorry excuse for a team.
“For taking on Loki alone.”
“He was doing his job.”
Oh, yes, defend the dead guy. Make this argument harder. It was easier to hate Rogers earlier, when he was being irrational.
It circles back to there not always being a way out, and Tony thinks that’s bullshit. He doesn’t take well to being told things are impossible or unavoidable. If something isn’t going to work, he makes it work. Coulson should have thought ahead. He should have waited. He should have-
Better not go down that avenue.
He starts to walk away, and Rogers compares them to soldiers. Right, that makes sense. That’s why Rogers took the death so calmly. He was a soldier in a war. He’s used to losing people and having to move forward immediately. He probably has already figured out how not to blame himself for every death he’s ever witnessed.
“Right now we've got to put that aside and get this done. Now Loki needs a power source, if we can put together a list…”
Tony briefly wonders if it's healthy to compartmentalize like that. It can’t be. But then he spots the blood on the wall and his brain moves on to another thought. Rogers is right, anyway. They need to focus.
“He made it personal.”
“That’s not the point.” Rogers replies, not catching the point just yet.
“That is the point. That's Loki's point. He hit us all right where we live. Why?” He needs to explain. The man will get it if he explains. Sometimes he forgets that not everyone’s brain does the jumps his own does.
“To tear us apart.”
“Yes! Divide and conquer is great, but he knows he has to take us
out to -
win, right? That's what he wants. He wants to beat us and he wants to be seen doing it. He wants an audience.”
“Right,” He’s catching on, thankfully. “I caught his act at Stuttengart.”
“Yeah. That's just previews, this is opening night. Loki's a full-tail diva. He wants flowers, he wants parades, he wants a monument built in the skies with his name plastered…” Tony stops, revelation forming. Steve looks fully interested in wherever this is going.
“Son of a bitch!”
“What?”
“Big ugly building in New York!”
Rogers’ eyes go wide, “Let's go.” He orders, Tony already moving.
-
The battle was terrifying. There were aliens, gigantic half mechanical half flesh monsters flying around, and a murderous Norse god intent on taking control of the chaos and coming out on top. Tony wonders why NASA or SHEILD has never claimed to have seen the species this army is made up of before. These guys don’t seem very low key, what with all the planetary destruction. He doesn’t believe for a second that no one knew these things were out there.
He makes a mental note to hack the department of defense after he’s eaten his shawarma.
Tony never prepared for this. The only people who were even remotely prepared tried to nuke New York. And then Tony the not-hero, thank you very much, had to fix that problem on top of the other very pressing one. The other problem being aliens. Aliens invading the earth.
Aliens, Jesus Christ.
Afterwards, Loki gets taken to Asgard with Thor via Beam Of Light™️. Fury says the Avengers are all free to go. But Tony does extend the offer for the others to stay at the tower. They can if they need to, not forever or anything. But, if they want to stick around and help clean up the mess. Someone’s gotta, you know?
Romanoff took the offer. Then Bruce because he wants access to a lab like Tony can offer and totally not because he’s excited about their new friendship. Then Clint, who would like to stay close to SHEILD; then begrudgingly, Steve Rogers, who admits that he can’t quite afford life in New York City but would like to stay here. And suddenly the Avengers are piling into Tony’s penthouse, exhausted but still helping get rid of all the broken glass.
He goes to his lab as soon as sleeping situations are settled. (Natasha takes a guest room, Bruce gets another one, Clint and Rogers take the living room.) There’s no need to stick around. The superhero’s crashing in his guest rooms and living room are cleaned and fed, New York is saved (and subsequently the world.). Besides, he needs to start working on better living arrangements if these guys are going to stay. He gets half way through Natasha’s layout for her floor, when Jarvis lowers his music.
“What gives? I was just getting into a groove here!”
“It seems you have a visitor, sir.”
His head whips around, expecting Pepper, but instead he finds Steve Rogers standing on the outside of the glass door looking like a lost puppy in designer hand-me-down sweatpants. Tony sighs, Pepper won't be in until tomorrow. He’d had to do a lot of bribing to get the New York Airport to let his jet land. They have to clear some debris from the runway, fix some of the landing gear, that stuff.
“Shall I let him in, sir?”
“What? Yeah, yeah. Yes. Let the captain in, open the door.”
The door unlocks, allowing Rogers to step into the lab. He looks around in wonder, the exhaustion from the day being covered by the inquisitive nature of humans.
“What’s up, Cap?”
Rogers startles, having gotten distracted by the tech in the room. Then hesitantly, he speaks up.
“This place is really swell, Tony.”
He sounds like he means it so genuinely that Tony doesn’t make a remark about the outdated word choice.
“Well, it’s no flying boat, but it’s home. Speaking of, you’ll love this. Dum-e! C’mere boy!”
If Rogers looked amazed before, he looks absolutely awestruck now.
“Did you make him?” He questions as he reaches out to pet the robot. Dum-E nuzzles his hand and Tony smiles a bit at the sight.
“Yeah. Made Jarvis too, right J?”
“Yes, sir.” Rogers jumps at the sound of Jarvis’ disembodied voice.
“See? They get along too well though. They’ll surpass their old man one day. Too much plotting happening while I’m gone.”
Rogers laughs, “See, now, I would have thought you'd be all for the minds of the future.” He comments sarcastically.
“And usually I’d agree, but I don’t think I’d be happy if the new robot overlord was Dum-E. And hearing you, a twenty-something year old, tell me that the flying boat engine ‘runs on some kind of electricity’, settled it for me. I have no faith in the future of technology.”
The other man snorts, “I’m not exactly a prime example of the youth, man.”
Tony puts up a finger, “Ah, see, I’d believe you if you didn’t just call me ‘man’. I’m gonna start calling you kid.”
Rogers rolls his eyes, ignoring how that prompted a mock scolding on rolling his eyes at his elders. He then sees the current work in progress on Tony’s work space.
“Is this what you’ve been doing down here?”
Tony’s eyes follow Rogers as he walks over to the plans and starts reading them over.
“This is so nice. There’s a floor for each of the Avengers in here! Even Thor and I!”
“Yes, God’s need sleep too. At least I think they do. I’ll have to ask, actually. -And, also, why wouldn’t you have one?”
Tony watches the man's eyes widen as if being caught saying something he hadn’t meant to say out loud. Although as soon as the look of panic shows it’s gone, Rogers turns to hide himself in the plans again.
“Look, I know we didn’t start off on the right foot.” He starts, quieter than before.
Is… is Rogers attempting a reconciliation right now? Tony thinks back to all the thoughts he had earlier, where Howard may have had a fit. And how fitting he thought it was that Captain America hated him, although he wasn’t entirely happy about it. But this might be worse, actually.
“I believe you were being beaten up when we met, actually. And then I swooped in and saved you.”
Rogers immediately regains his volume, “Swooped in and saved me doesn’t sound entirely right.”
“This. Coming from the guy who still calls things swell? I think I’ll keep my phrasing.”
“I had him! You can't save someone who is in control of the situation!”
“You call being beaten up being in control? Please elaborate.”
“I was not getting beat up. I was holding my own.”
“Sure, kid. Is that a bruise?”
Rogers immediately starts feeling around his face. This is hilarious for a number of reasons. One, he has super healing and any bruise would have been gone by now. Two, Captain America looks far more worried about a bruise on his perfect face than when he was saving the world.
“Where?”
“Right- yeah, right there. Where Loki absolutely had the upper hand!”
That comment startles the older/younger man into stunned laughter.
And thats all I’ve got!! Thank you if you made it this far.
#Marvel#marvel mcu#tony stark#steve rogers#marvel fanfiction#fanfiction#Avengers#marvel’s the avengers#bruce banner#hulk#natasha romanoff#Black Widow#Thor#loki#clint barton#hawkeye
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Doraemon Movie Review: Nobita and the Birth of Japan (1989) and Nobita and the Birth of Japan (2016)
What is Doraemon? The title character of the Doraemon manga and anime is a blue robotic cat from the 22nd Century who keeps an array of high-tech gadgets in a portable pocket dimension on his belly, and has traveled from the future to improve the fortunes of a hapless schoolboy named Nobita. Although relatively obscure in the English-speaking world, Doraemon is a Mickey-Mouse-level cultural icon in East Asia (and some other regions, too). The Doraemon franchise was a big part of my childhood, and there are still elements of it that I enjoy now.
Doraemon has released theatrical films almost annually since 1980, most of which involve Nobita and his friends (kind Shizuka, brash Gian, and crafty Suneo) getting swept into adventures thanks to Doraemon's gadgets. Despite being of potentially broad appeal to fans of science fiction and animated films, there are very few English reviews of the Doraemon movies, so I'm embarking on a project to write about all the films that have come out so far. Good luck to me…
Movie premise: Nobita and his friends run away from home to... 70,000 years ago, before humans lived in Japan.
My spoiler-free take: A movie with a very promising narrative hook, but a very disappointing resolution to the main conflict.
The 2016 remake though? For overhauling the climax and keeping the best elements of the original mostly intact, it’s very possibly my favorite Doraemon film.
POTENTIAL SPOILERS AFTER THIS POINT
Review: This movie starts out pretty strong. The premise itself is an intriguing one that provides insight into each of the main characters: it’s not rare to see Nobita or Gian getting in trouble with their mothers, but why might spoiled Suneo or responsible Shizuka want to leave home? And what about Doraemon himself, who often takes on the role of a guardian figure for the kids? Connecting this story concept with the dispersal of humans into Japan is also a very creative idea. (I previously discussed the scientific references in this film here.) It’s quite fun to watch the protagonists set up their own secret base in the Pleistocene.
Unfortunately, the primary conflict is where the film falters for me. The main characters barely contribute to defeating the villain other than unwittingly leading the time police to his hideout, which felt extremely unsatisfying. They don’t even get to successfully escape from the hideout by themselves, despite Nobita launching a heroic rescue of the others. So enticing premise aside, I’ve always found this story disappointing.
Star rating: ★★★☆☆
Better luck with the remake, perhaps? I hope so, because as of the time of writing, this is also the last Doraemon movie remake I have left to review!
Review: My goodness, does this remake ever fix my main problem with the original! The climax is substantially modified, with the main characters now doing most of the work in bringing down the villain (and yes, everyone gets to do something helpful). The film even finds a way to add a plot-relevant role for Dorami! Meanwhile, the rest of the story remains largely intact, which is essentially how I would have preferred it.
I also love the end credits artwork in this remake. Something I’ve noticed is lacking in many Doraemon movies (even some of the best ones) is that they rarely revisit the inciting incident that kick-starts each adventure. In the original version of this movie for example, the children’s grievances against their families are hardly brought up again after they set off for the Pleistocene (outside of some hallucinations Nobita gets when he is lost in the snow, which ultimately don’t amount to any narrative importance). The end credits here are set to scenes showing what everyone gets up to once they return home, providing closure for that subplot. Besides, I think the art style used for the credits is very uplifting and adorable.
Do I have any criticisms of this movie? I suppose I do, but most of them would be issues that were already present in the original. For instance, when the protagonists attempt to revisit the prehistoric tribe they’d befriended, they are shocked to find that the entire group has been captured by the villain. However, it never occurs to them to try traveling to a time before the tribe was captured.
Another is the mystery of Shizuka’s disappearing spear. Doraemon clearly gives everybody one of his Shock Spears when they first arrive in the Pleistocene. Yet when the group later fights the villain’s minions, Shizuka’s spear is inexplicably missing, and she spends the encounter cowering behind Nobita. The spear’s absence is especially noticeable here, because in the original film, Doraemon was the one who did all the fighting in this sequence. Shizuka is even shown carrying the spear in some scenes following this, but it’s never present in any situation where it would actually be used. At least she gets to contribute during the final battle...
Okay, I will name one thing that I think the original did better: I probably prefer the designs of Nobita’s pet griffon and dragon in that version. Even with these quibbles though, there are enough positives here to make up for them in my opinion. Nobita and the Birth of Japan 2016 may very well be my favorite Doraemon movie released so far, and for that I’m giving it the full five stars.
Star rating: ★★★★★
Original or remake? If it weren’t obvious already, I’m a fan of the remake. The original provided a solid foundation, but the remake takes it to new heights.
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Max Minghella On 'The Handmaid's Tale,' His Dad, Romance, & 'Spiral'
Max Minghella is sitting in his backyard in the LA sunshine, his t-shirt an homage to the French filmmaker Mia Hansen-Løve, his adopted shepherd mix, Rhye, excited by the approach of a package courier.
“You okay, sweetheart?” he asks — the dog, not me — tenderly.
Minghella, who at 35 has dozens of screen credits to his name, is best known as The Handmaid’s Tale’s cunning chauffeur Nick Blaine, a character who it’s difficult to imagine saying sweetheart. In airless Gilead, of course, a cautious hand graze with Elisabeth Moss’ June can pass for a big romantic gesture. In a Season 1 episode featuring child separation and hospital infant abduction, Nick’s major contribution is to trade stolen glances with a sex slave while “Don’t You (Forget About Me)” pumps discordantly along. I ask Minghella about playing the series’ closest approximation to a dreamy male lead against the show’s dark narrative of female subjugation.
“I know this is not the answer you want to hear,” Minghella says with none of Nick’s hesitation. “But I like that stuff, right? In the pilot, I think Nick only had a handful of lines. It wasn't clear that this is what the character would turn into. And it's quite fortunate for me personally, because I'm not a massively sort of intellectual person in my real life. I love Fifty Shades of Grey. That's like my Star Wars. It suits me to play a character like him.”
Minghella surmises that this enduring romanticism is an outcome of nurture. His father, the late British director Anthony Minghella, made grand romantic dramas like Cold Mountain and The English Patient. And there was the young, cinema-mad Max sitting on the living room sofa, absorbing everything. “It’s taken me a long time to understand this,” he says of his prolonged childhood exposure to love stories. “My dad made The English Patient when I was 10. So it was two years of watching the dailies to that movie and then watching 50 cuts of it. And then [The Talented Mr.] Ripley he made when I was 13, and it was the same thing.” These were an adolescent Max Minghella’s alternative to reruns. “I think they did shape my perspective on the world in a lot of ways, specifically The English Patient. That was a complicated love story, and I wonder sometimes how much it's affected my psychology.”
Some sons rebel; others resemble. Minghella’s co-star O-T Fagbenle, who plays June’s other lover from before the time of Gilead, got his first job acting in Anthony Minghella’s romantic crime film Breaking and Entering. “Anthony is one the kindest, most beautiful men that I've ever had the privilege of working with before,” Fagbenle says. “And Max has his gorgeous, sensitive, open-minded soul.”
Though Minghella spent his childhood on the set of The Talented Mr. Ripley, playing an uncredited Confederate soldier role in Cold Mountain, and tooling around with a Super-8 camera Matt Damon gave him, he insists his upbringing was normal. He grew up in South Hill Park overlooking Hampstead Heath in London with his father and mother, the choreographer Carolyn Choa. (Minghella also has a half-sister, Hannah Minghella, who is now a film executive.) Yes, technically, it was London, but that’s not how it seemed. “I feel like I grew up in a very small town. Every school I went to was in Hampstead. I was born in Hampstead,” Minghella says of the small map dot of his life before university. “When I went to New York, I felt I was going to the big city.”
Despite his illustrious surname, movie-watching was far from restricted to the classics. “Beverly Hills Cop is definitely the movie I remember having an unhealthy obsession with. I think I saw it when I was 5 for the first time, and I'd watch it just two or three times a day for years. I'm just obsessed with it.”
Plenty of actors can trace their love of movies back to a love of stories, but for Minghella the relationship seems to flow in reverse. When he left for Columbia University, Minghella opted to study history for its connection, through storytelling, to film. It was during the summers between his years of college that he started taking acting more seriously. Before his graduation, he’d already appeared in Syriana, starring Damon and George Clooney. Soon, he’d make a splash as Divya Narendra in The Social Network in 2010 and be cast in Clooney’s Ides of March. As all young actors eventually must, Minghella moved to Los Angeles.
It’s been over a decade since he last lived on the Heath, but, perhaps unusually for a person who’s chosen his profession, Minghella is adamantly not a “shapeshifter,” in his words. Home for Christmas this year, he started sifting through old journals stored at his mother’s house, “just like scraps of writing from when I was extremely young up through my teenage years,” before coming to America. “It was hilarious to me,” Minghella says of staring at his childhood reflection. “My review of a movie at 7 years old is pretty much what my review of a movie at 35 will be. My taste hasn't changed much. And when I sort of love something, I do tend to continue to love it.”
Which brings us back to his enduring love of romance, born of his bloodline, which is all over Minghella’s own 2018 directorial debut. Teen Spirit is a hazily lit film about a teenage girl from the Isle of Wight — the remote British island where Max’s father Anthony was born — who enters a local X-Factor-style singing competition. (It stars Minghella’s rumored girlfriend of several years, Elle Fanning.) The story is small, but its crescendos are epic.
Minghella calls the movie — an ode to the power of the pop anthem — “embarrassingly Max.” Max loves a good music-driven movie trailer — he’s watched the one for Top Gun: Maverick “many” times. And Max loves the rhythmic beats of sports movies like Friday Night Lights. Max loves movies with excesses of female energy, like Spring Breakers. He likens Teen Spirit to an experiment, his answer to the question, “Can I take all these things that I love and find a structure that can hold them?” The result is a touching “hodgepodge” of Minghella’s fascinations, inspired by the songs from another thing he loves: Robyn’s 2010 album Body Talk (itself a dance-pop meditation on love).
Minghella hasn’t directed any films since, but he sees now how making movies fits his personality — organized, impatient — more organically than starring in them does. Directing also helped him to appreciate that acting is “much harder than I was giving it credit for,” which, in turn, has made him like it more. Besides The Handmaid’s Tale currently airing on Hulu, Minghella appears in Spiral, the ninth installment in the Saw horror franchise and, from where I’m sitting, at least, a departure.
“I do like horror movies, but the thing that was really kind of magical is that I was feeling so nostalgic, right? We talked about Beverly Hills Cop earlier. I was just missing a certain kind of movie,” Minghella explains of his new role as Chris Rock’s detective partner. He was yearning for simple story-telling, like in the buddy cop movies of his youth, especially 48 Hours. It almost goes without saying that a buddy cop movie is another kind of love story. “And then I read the script and it was very much in that vein.” He clarifies: “I mean, it's also extremely Saw. It's very much a horror movie.”
His renewed excitement for acting translated onto The Handmaid’s Tale set, too. Veteran Hollywood producer Warren Littlefield describes casting Minghella in the role of Nick as an effortless choice: “Sometimes you agonize over things. [Casting Minghella] was instantly clear to me, and everyone agreed.” Now in its fourth season, the tone of the Hulu hit is graver than ever. Gilead is more desperate to maintain its rule, and so more audacious in its violence. Perhaps it’s fitting that the show’s romantic gestures finally match that scale.
In one particularly soaring moment, Elisabeth Moss’ June and Minghella’s Nick meet at the center of a bridge and crush into a long kiss. It’s been two seasons since they held their newborn daughter together, and it’s hard to see how this isn’t their last goodbye. Littlefield, like Minghella, is here for the romance among the rubble. “It's spectacular when they come together. In the middle of all of the trauma is this epic love story,” he says. “Max is just magnificent in the role.”
For Minghella, the satisfaction is more personal. He works with good people, he likes his scenes, and he thinks Nick is a complex character. Minghella read The Handmaid’s Tale for the first time in college in 2005. Like all the things Minghella has ever liked, he still likes it. He’s as proud of this most recent season as he is the show’s first. And he watched Nick and June race recklessly back to each other across the expanse of the screen exactly how you might expect. “I watched it like a fan girl.”
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THE WEEKEND WARRIOR 6/25/21: F9, WEREWOLVES WITHIN, THE ICE ROAD, FALSE POSITIVE, I CARRY YOU WITH ME and More!
Well, June is quickly coming to an end, but that means it’s officially summer. No, for real this time. Summer started June 21, and that means we have the latest attempt to revive the box office, and really, if this doesn’t do it, then we’re sunk. Doomed. It’s over, and Jeff Bock, the Streamer Relations guy, has won. We’re in the endgame now. Go to the movies this weekend, and don’t let Jeff Bock win!
Before we get to the theatrical releases, the 20th Tribeca [formerly Film] Festival ended over the weekend, and it certainly “looked different” as we were reminded every time some local celebrity introduced a movie on the festival’s virtual platform. As far as the movies I saw, a few are mentioned below but generally, the documentaries once again outplayed any of the narrative features, which was pretty much the same with other festivals this year. Besides the Rita Moreno doc that I reviewed last week, I quite enjoyed A-Ha the Movie, a documentary that covers the famous ‘80s “one hit wonders” travails since their first hit album and the ubiquitous “Take on Me.” It’s a great doc that really shows what can happen when you try to keep the band together even when you stop travelling or even talking to each other. Also Bitchin’: The Sound and Fury of Rick James was another great musical doc about a funk/soul singer who I really never knew very much about, so it was quite educational. I also liked 7 Days quite a bit, and that was one of the better narrative films at the fest.
It felt like there were two very different Tribecas. There was one for the elitist journalists who were allowed to attend all the in-person screenings and parties, and there was the one for the rest of us -- where we were just sitting at home watching stuff on our TV sets, just like we did with Sundance and SXSW. And make no mistake, as someone who has been covering Tribeca since Year Two (where I *bought* all my tickets), it definitely felt like I was being pushed aside by the current Tribeca regime who just wants to be seen as something exclusive just for certain people, including as a woke festival catering to the underrepresented (but not really… if that was the case, they would have given free tickets out to people who live in the areas of the city where they set-up their pop-up screenings). I only know a few locals who received the better in-person badge -- pretty much the entire staff at IndieWire, for instance -- but as someone who has covered the festival for years and received a Hudson Pass for the effort, it definitely felt like I don’t really need to cover Tribeca anymore. It’s just not the elite festival it thinks it is, and as far as I’m concerned, it will never be Cannes, it will never be Sundance, and it will never even be SXSW. It continues to be a festival with zero identity that caters to the rich, white New Yorkers that already get special treatment wherever they go. I’m not even sure how much of it even takes place in Tribeca anymore, since the premier location for movie premieres seemed to be at Hudson Yards, which is about four miles North of “Ground Zero,” the area affected by 9/11 that precipitated the need for something like the Tribeca Festival in the first place. I feel that this year’s festival was an even bigger disappointment than last year’s virtual only, but that’s because they’ve finally just given up on the press they don’t feel are worthy of covering them. So yeah, not for me.
It’s hard to believe that F9 (Universal Pictures), the ninth movie in the “Fast Saga.” is finally being released in North America, since I felt like I reviewed it five years ago. Actually, it was only a month ago, but it just seems like forever since I’ve been so busy this month.
In case you have no idea what to expect and wanna know: Vin Diesel is back as Dominic Torreto, and this time we meet another member of his real family, brother Jakob (John Cena), who is now working with the criminal spy organization Cypher. Most of the gang are back, except for Dwayne Johnson’s Agent Hobbs and Jason Statham’s Deckard Shaw, who you may remember went off to make Hobbs and Shaw a few years back. In fact, that last movie was the last movie in the franchise, which was supposed to act as a tie-over between 2017’s Fate of the Furious and F9, which was originally supposed to come out in 2020. Got all that?
Hobbs and Shaw opened with around $60 million in early August, which is generally one of the few weekends in the late summer where a movie could still open big. That was the lowest opening for the franchise in over ten years, because ever since 2009’s Fast & Furious, every single movie has opened over $70 million and closer to $100 million or more. 2013’s Fast and Furious 6 and 2017’s The Fate of the Furious didn’t quite hit a $100 million opening, but still, it’s a pretty good barometer of how big the franchise was in the before-times. James Wan’s Furious 7 still sports the biggest opening with $147 million in early April 2015, hampered by the year-long delay after one of the film’s stars, Paul Walker, died in a car crash a year earlier. Walker’s death may have helped drive audiences to the movie with the same morbid curiosity way as Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight back in 2008. (Furious 7 grossed $353 million domestically, which is also a high watermark for the franchise domestically.)
The Fate of the Furious grossed slightly less than the previous two installments and then Hobbs and Shaw ended up with $173 million, which is nothing to sneeze at… unless your movie ended up costing $200 million, which that one did. We’re talking about very expensive movies here, and one presumes F9 is up there in that $200 million range, but it bodes a couple questions. Was the success of the franchise since Fast 5 mainly due to “franchise Viagra” Dwayne Johnson and was that helped by the addition of Statham? With the two of them gone, does that take away from the movie’s potential or do people like Diesel, Tyrese Gibson’s Roman, Ludacris and the other long-timers like Michelle Rodriguez and Jordana Brewster enough to make this an opening weekend must-see?
There might some questions whether theaters in bigger cities like New York and L.A., where F9 would generally do big business, will be as full as normal -- even with full capacity finally being allowed. The other question is whether Universal may have released this movie overseas too far in advance of the States. Think about it. When you start to think about movie piracy and where a lot of that comes from, it goes right to China, and a movie like this at a time like this when people are cautious about running to theaters, well if you walk down the street and someone is selling a copy for 5 bucks, why wouldn’t you buy it? That’s the reason why studios release movies day and date across the globe, or at least they try to. Piracy used to be a big thing hurting the movie business, but that seems to have been forgotten.
Reviews for the movie have been mixed -- I already reviewed the movie over at Below the Line -- but about the same as the last two installments, so those won’t necessarily stop people from going to the movies, since this is a classic summer popcorn movie where it feels like everyone should go see it opening week. Like in the past, F9 will open Thursday night for previews, but it seems to getting more Thursday night previews than normal -- I’ve seen five to six screenings in many locations -- and that might because Universal realizes how important this release is and how many people will be looking to see if it can revive theatrical.
I think I’m going to say that F9 will make around $72 to 74 million this weekend, which takes it back to Fast & Furious days, but I do think audiences will like the movie more than critics, and because of that, the decision to make two more movies will probably be warranted.
I was very excited to see Josh Ruben directing another movie so soon after last year’s Scare Me -- a terrific horror-comedy you can watch on Shudder -- and his latest film, WEREWOLVES WITHIN (IFC Films), based on the Ubisoft game, is just as funny AND scary. It stars Sam Richardson as Finn Wheeler, the new park ranger arriving in the small and remote town of Beaversfield, which seems to have just as much politics and backbiting as the biggest of the cities. He quickly becomes friends with the bubbly postwoman, Cecily (Milana Vayntrub), as she introduces him to the quirky townsfolk… oh, yeah, and there is something brutally mauling them to death.
The premise for Werewolves Within seems fairly simple, and maybe that’s because it is based on a VR game where I assume you have to figure out who is the vampire, so that’s pretty much what’s going on as Finn, Cecily and seemingly the entire town wind up locking themselves up in the Beaversfield Inn trying to figure out who is killing the others. Thankfully, there are more layers built into the ongoing relationships between the townsfolk.
Ruben’s got a lot of things going for his second feature film, the first thing being a super-funny script by Mishna Wolff, but also the amazing cast he put together that not includes Richardson and Vayntrub with some brilliant chemistry but also the likes of Michaela Watkins and Michael Chernus, who can never do wrong in my book. Those two elements alone would make Werewolves Within worthwhile, but Ruben ably takes on the challenges of a much bigger cast than his previous movie and finds a way to keep the viewer constantly on edge and interested in what will happen next, especially to some of the characters who are not as jovial or friendly as Richardson’s Finn.
But what works best about the movie is that there are plenty of unexpected twists, maybe some more obvious than others, and the fact you never really know who might die next or house keeps the movie quite entertaining. It also shows off Ruben’s great skills at combining horror and humor, something that’s very difficult for even the best directors, but when you’ve got it -- as Ruben proved so perfectly with Scare Me -- then you might as well use it to its fullest.
It’s hard to describe how well the humor works without using jokes ala something like Shaun of the Dead, but it’s more of a light-hearted charm that one wouldn’t expect to go so well with the dire situation in which the characters find themselves. It doesn’t hurt that many of the characters are so unlikable that getting their comeuppance adds to that humor. If you’re expecting a lot of werewolf transformations or even werewolves plural, you might be slightly disappointed, but it’s nice that a movie can be its own thing without trying to copy other films in the horror subgenre.
Either way, Ruben is 2 for 2 with his second attempt at comedy-horror, which ventures just far enough away from Scare Me to make me think that he’ll continue to be a great voice in the much-maligned and hard-to-muster horror subgenre.
Werewolves Within just debuted at the Tribeca Festival, and it will be released in theaters this Friday and then be On Demand and Digital starting July 2. I’ll also have an interview with Josh Ruben over at Below the Line a little later today, too, so check that out!
Not getting a theatrical release in the United States unfortunately is Jonathan Hensleigh’s THE ICE ROAD (Netflix), starring Liam Neeson as a truck driver in Winnipeg, whose special skill is driving that truck across the frozen lake up north. When a diamond mine collapses in the very north side of Canada, it’s up to him and a crew of other ice truckers to drive their big rigs across the frozen lake to save the men trapped in the mine.
I quite liked this movie that definitely marks a return of Hensleigh to some of those great action movies he wrote in the ‘90s, like Die Hard with a Vengeance, but this is also a significantly better action movie than some of the ones he’s directed, like the 2004 The Punisher. The sad fact is that I’ve been pretty disappointed with Neeson’s recent film choices, particularly in the last year when disappointments like The Honest Thief and The Marksman managed to get theatrical releases even during the pandemic. The Ice Road is a much better movie, maybe because Hensleigh wrote and directed it himself, but also he had much better source material in the docuseries, Ice Road Truckers, and he clearly did his research into these 18-wheelers on these dangerous trips across iced-over lake that could crack at any time. Hensleigh uses this idea well to tell a story where much of the movie takes place on that dangerous ice.
There are elements to the story that might not work quite as well, such as the decision to have Neeson’s brother Gurty (Marcus Thomas) be suffering from such horrible PTSD that it makes him almost a bigger hindrance than a help on the trip. On the other hand, the movie does have the always great Laurence Fishburne in a smaller role and the real breakout has to be Amber Midthunder, the bad-ass Indigenous Tantoo who proves that she can drive as well as the guys. I also found that Hensleigh’s use of the corporation as the ultimate antagonist in sending these truckers to their potential deaths more for the money than to actually save lives works well to add to what would have been a simple rescue mission.
The Ice Road is a pretty solid (ugh, bad pun) action-thriller that has some elements of other similar movies but then really throws the viewer for a loop with the amazing on-ice truck driving stunt work, that keeps one invested while really putting it ahead of some of Neeson’s other recent action fare.
You can read my interview with Hensleigh over at Below the Line.
Next up are two very different movies that played at the 20th Tribeca Festival over the past week
Heidi Ewing’s I CARRY YOU WITH ME (Sony Pictures Classics) finally gets a theatrical release after getting its Oscar qualifying run way back in December and premiering at the Sundance Film Festival in January 2020! Based on the true story of Mexican immigrant lovers Ivan and Gerardo, who travel from Mexico to New York City and are reunited after decades apart and many struggles to rekindle their romance.
This is an interesting movie for Ewing, best known for her award-winning docs like Jesus Camp, because it’s not an easy story to tell or movie to make, covering a span of decades, and using flashbacks to tell the individual stories of how these two men discovered their homosexuality while surrounded by a toxic culture who hates them for loving each other. We meet Iván as he’s cooking in a Mexican restaurant in New York before we flashback to Pablo, Mexico in 1994 when he’s younger (and played by Armando Espitia), married with a young son, but when he meets Gerardo (Christian Vázquez) at a gay club and the two click, he’s put in a place where he has to keep his sexuality hidden if he doesn’t want to lose his son. As the romance blossoms, Ivan realizes that he needs to go to America if he really wants his culinary skills (he even went to school) to be used, because in Pablo, he’s relegated to being a dishwasher.
Ivan decides to make the dangerous trek across the border with his best friend Sandra (Michelle Rodríguez -- not the one in F9) with the promise to return to Gerardo. Things don’t necessarily go as planned but decades later they’re reunited, and struggle to make it in New York City as restaraunteurs. As you watch their story unfold, you can fully understand why Ewing might want to tell this story, co-writing the script with Alan Page Arriaga, but there are still elements of documentary in this narrative beautifully shot by Cinematographer Juan Pablo Ramírez AMC.
Unfortunately, those elements of documentary are what really confused me, because there are moments in the present day when the real Ivan and Gerardo are playing themselves, but then there are times when the two main actors are made up to look older, and I couldn’t really figure out what was happening at times, maybe due to some of the more dream-like nature of the storytelling.
Even so, Ewing has created a terrific character piece and quite a warm and wondrous love story, even if it’s plagued by violence and discrimination due to their roots and their homosexuality. I couldn’t help but think that I might have liked Moonlight more if it wasn’t told in such a linear fashion, separated into three chapters. By using the flashbacks to keep the viewer fully focused on what’s happening, Ewing creates something more on par with Cuaron’s Y Tu Mama Tambien that feels just as authentic as if Ewing were a gay Mexican herself.
Probably the weakest part is the second act where we watch Ivan trying to get to America, because that’s been done in so many other movies, including Cary Joji Fukunaga’s earlier film, Sin Nombre, and that feels a little less unique or special compared to the rest of the duo’s story.
It’s a shame that I Carry You With Me wasn’t able to build any awards traction, partially due to Covid and the long gap between festival appearances. Either way, it proves that Ewing is a lot more than a “mere” documentary filmmaker, able to mix those skills with that of a sharp narrative filmmaker with a keen eye for storytelling. This is a particularly strong character piece and a beautiful love story based on two real men, unlike anything I’ve seen in recent memory.
Honestly, I’ve given up on figuring what Sony Classics is doing in terms of their theatrical releases. I guess this could be opening in New York and Los Angeles or in more cities. I have no idea, because no one tells me anything. But I also wanted to share the review by my friend J. Don Birnam that he wrote out of the New York Film Festival last year. He has reasons to be able to connect with this material much more than I can, which is probably why his review is so damn good: http://splashreport.com/nyff-film-review-i-carry-you-with-me-an-inspiring-story-of-triumph-by-rarely-depicted-peoples/
Not quite as good is John Lee’s horror-thriller FALSE POSITIVE (Hulu/A24), starring Ilana Glazer from Broad City, who also cowrote the screenplay with Lee. It’s a very different non-comedic role for Glazer in which she plays Lucy, a pregnant woman, who finds her pregnancy turned into a nightmare, as she puts herself in the hands of the nefarious ob/gyn Dr. John Hindle, played by the great Pierce Brosnan, who happened to be her husband’s (Justin Theroux) medical teacher.
Man, did I want to like this psychological thriller, because I think Glazer is just the best in Broad Street, and the fact that she co-wrote this and is trying to do something unexpected out of the ordinary just thrills me to the end. That being said, her character Lucy seems to be a rather standard powerful NYC woman with a good job where she’s better than the rest, who ends up going through a torturous experience as an expectant mother who isn’t able to trust her own doctor. Part of the conflict comes when Julie is told that she is having more than one baby, but she has to choose between twin boys or a single girl, because she’s told that she won’t be able to take all three of them to term.
It’s an okay premise dealing with the many worries that women must have while pregnant, and things get crazier and crazier as Julia begins seeing everything, and while Glazer isn’t bad while playing a straight-up no-humor dramatic role, it’s hard not to see her more as a Debra Messing type when she has her hair straightened out to look different.
The horror elements are decent whether it’s the body horror idea of having a number of dead baby fetuses inside you, which is pretty creepy, and Lee doesn’t do a bad job with the trippier parts of the movie, though I feel like it overuses and leans on the use of blood to step up the horror, and it doesn’t work that well. There are also aspects to the story that feel somewhat predictable only because there are only a few way things can go the way things are set-up.
It’s obvious that Glazer and Lee wanted to make social commentary on the male-dominated field of childbirth with some of the weirder aspects of the movie, like the Stepford Nurses that constantly surround Brosnan’s Dr. Hindle. Having them there smiling eerily always boosts Lucy’s suspicion that her husband might be cheating with one or both of them. Still, there are too many aspects of False Positive (including the fact it was produced by A24) that makes one think that this is another attempt at the kind of “elevated humor” that’s been done so much better by the likes of Ari Aster and Robert Eggers.
Ultimately, False Positive is okay, it certainly tries hard, it’s maybe not quite as good as I hoped or expected of what might have been a perfectly fine vehicle for Glazer. I certainly had high hopes for what she might do with a pregnancy thriller, that this movie just never quite delivers.
False Positive debuts on Hulu this Friday.
From Sweden comes the horror film THE EVIL NEXT DOOR (Magnet) from filmmakers Oskar Mellender and Tord Danielsson, which follows a new stepmom Shirin (Dilan Gwyn), who has moved into a duplex with her partner Fredrik and his young son, Lucas (Eddie Eriksson Dominguez), but they soon learn that strange things start happening that seem to be coming from the abandoned house next door.
I’m always open to see what’s coming from the Scandinavian countries, because there’s been a lot of particularly good genre over the years -- Let the Right One In, for instance -- but I got the impression right away that originality was not going to be in the cards for this one, which immediately has the small boy having an imaginary friend, who you know is either an evil spirit or one of the spirit’s previous victims. Sadly, that’s the case here, and without the originality of some of the original horror films it's emulating, The Evil Next Door just seems like an international copycat.
If you’re even a modicum fan of modern horror, you’re likely to have seen many better versions of this movie, which is just kind of bland overall, but constantly resorts to scenes of a woman walking through the house acting scared and the cheap scares that inevitably come. This one even uses the eerie “next day” chapters that have been used in so many other horror movies, including the Paranormal Activity movies.
Mellender and Danielsson certainly come off as capable filmmakers, and they could do far worse than the incredibly dramatic and emotional performance by Gwyn -- the movie does get slightly better as it goes along -- but the feeling that you’ve seen it all before and know what to expect completely detracts from appreciating any of the finer aspects. For instance, there’s some decent creature design work but even that sometimes goes for the expected in terms of the spirit’s look. The filmmaker’s skills are also evident from the use of music and sound design, which is crucial to a movie like this working in any fashion, but it’s hard to fully appreciate it when you feel you know where things are going.
The Evil Next Door just feels like a movie made by fans of the far superior “Conjuring” movies who managed to cop some of the tricks to scare the viewer, but without fully understanding why those movies work due to original characters and storytelling ideas. These are decent filmmakers, but I’d really like to see them do something more unique or original.
If you live in NYC and feel like going up to Harlem, Questlove’s documentary, Summer of Soul, is opening a week early, this Friday at the AMC Magic Johnson in Harlem, New York, and it’s also opening at El Capitan in Los Angeles. It will open in theaters elsewhere and on Hulu NEXT Friday, July 2, so I’ll write more about it in next week’s column.
Debuting on Apple TV+ Friday is Drew Zanthopoulos’ documentary FATHOM (Apple TV+), which follows scientists Dr. Ellen Garland and Dr. Michelle Fournet as they study the whale songs of the humpback whale and try to figure out ways to communicate with them and understand whale culture. Oddly, this is one of quite a few whale documentaries coming out over the next few weeks.
Another movie that I just don’t have time to review just now is Eytan Rockaway’s gangster thriller, LANSKY (Vertical), which stars Harvey Keitel, Sam Worthington, John Magaro, AnnaSophia Robb and Minka Kelly. Worthington is down-and-out writer David Stone, who gets a call from the legendary gangster Meyer Lansky (played by Keitel), who has been of the grid for decades but worth a fortune. Stone meets with Lansky as the FBI closes in on the Godfather of organized crime, and he’s told about Lansky’s time with Murder Inc. and the National Crime Syndicate.
Other movies out this week, include:
SILENT NIGHT (Samuel Goldwyn)
SISTERS ON TRACK (Netflix)
TOO LATE (Gravitas Ventures)
Next week is the 4th of July (on Sunday), and we’re getting FOREVER PURGE (Universal) and THE BOSS BABY 2: FAMILY BUSINESS (also Universal!!?!?)... I guess someone really wants to dominate the box office again, huh?
#The Weekend Warrior#F9#Werewolves Within#False Positive#I Carry You With Me#The Ice Road#Movies#Reviews#Streaming
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5 More Of My Favorite On Screen Mean Girls
Before I start I will say that I started writing this in June/July but now it’s September and since then I have moved out of my house so it’s been hard to write with all the new changes happening! I’m glad I can FINALLY bring you the third part of this series. My two most liked posts on here are about my favorite movie and tv mean girls and someone messaged me and say they wanted more so I dug to the bottom of my brain and came up with some girlies I might have missed. If you wanted to read my other mean girl posts the film one is here and the tv one is here. Enjoy the list y’all I thoroughly enjoyed making it.
1. Santana Lopez (played by Naya Rivera)
Show: Glee
Ugh. I first started writing this in June and writing about Santana now in July is honestly bringing tears to my eyes. Naya’s tragic death was so god damn heartbreaking. Santana was one of the best TV characters. She was my favorite on Glee and one of the best performers. She was also an out and proud Latina which I know meant so much to so many people. Her character was not only multi layered but made tv history. I don’t know if you can classify Santana as a mean girl or as someone who just kept it VERY fucking real. I mean no one else was giving Rachel the reality checks she so desperately fucking needed! One of my favorite Santana moments is when she auditions with the song Rain On My Parade, that Rachel so infamously crushed in a previous season, right in front of Rachel I mean... iconic? Santana Lopez is, was, and will always be that bitch and Naya Riviera will always be known as a superstar with uncontainable talent.
Best Quote: “I just heard the news that Trouty Mouth was back in town. I’ve been keeping a notebook just in case this day ever came. Welcome back, Lisa Rinna. I’ve missed you so much since your family packed their bags, loaded them in your mouth, and skipped town. Can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to enjoy a crisp pickle, but couldn’t find anyone to suck the lid off the jar. I assume you’ve been working as a baby polisher where young mothers place their infants’ heads in your mouth to get back that newborn shine. So glad you’re back. I haven’t seen a smile that big since the acclamation abominable snowman got his teeth pulled by that little gay elf dentist. Love, Santana.”
2. Lu aka Lucrecia Montesinos Hendrich (played by Danna Paola)
Show: Elite
What can I say about the Latin Barbie... let’s start with the hair. I mean who just looks so on point every single day!? Looking your best is always a queen bee necessity. Besides always being camera ready I think my favorite part about Lu is when she switches to english just to really hit the point home. When Carla noticeably avoided her and she said “You bitch!” Ugh, iconic! Lu is the closet we’ve gotten to Blair Waldorf because they have the same amount in their bank account, good grades, love scheming, and can really rock a headband. Lu is down right mean as hell season one but as the seasons go on her tough girl facade starts to fade well, sort of. If you love top tier dramas watch Elite! I dare you to not fall in love with Lu. That’s my bitch!
Best quote: “Narco Barbie.”
3. Katherine Pierce (played by Nina Dobrev)
Show: The Vampire Diaries
Katherine. Fucking. Pierce. The woman the myth the absolute legend. She is the best villain on Vampire Diaries cause she’s literally the most selfish bitch on the planet! Katherine invented the phrase I want it I got it. Katherine doesn’t have a lot of redeeming qualities but one of them is the way she hates Elena and can we fucking blame her!?! Elena is the worst!!! Imagine the two loves of your life falling for a girl who looks EXACTLY like you but has absolutely no personality!? EW!!! Katherine did like ONE nice thing ever and it was being nice to her daughter before she died. When Katherine died in season 5 a part of me died too but thank god for Kai Parker.
Best quote: “Hello, the cute one’s here!”
4. Rebekah Mikaelson (played by Claire Holt)
Show: The Vampire Diaries/The Originals
To be honest I couldn’t get that into The Originals but I loved Rebekah on The Vampire Diaries. If you wanted to see how a Leo woman moves and operates there is no need to look further than Rebekah Mikaelson. Rebekah was a bad bitch but she had feelings! All she wanted was a guy to love her and it’s veryn understandable when the guys in Mystic Falls look like that! I like Rebekah cause she always had the best outfits and was the only one besides Katherine who realized Matt was hot as hell.
Best Quote: “If you don’t shut your mouth the next thing to come out of it will be your teeth.”
5. Rei Hino/Sailor Mars (Voiced by: Michie Tomazawa, Cristina Valenzuela, Katie Griffin, Emilie Barlow, and Rina Sato)
Show/Movies: Sailor Moon franchise
I know she’s a hero but let’s be honest, Rei was a massive bitch! She was always making fun of Usagi for literally no reason and she even tried to steal Mamo from her! Like sis READ THE ROOM. One thing I admire about Rei is her sense of style. She really was serving lewks all day everyday I mean that pink overall fit is still iconic in 2020! I think one of the reasons she’s so mean is because she’s fighting the forces of evil in a stiletto! I mean they’re cute but not practical for fighting the bad guys! Although Rei is the literal definition of an Aries she cares for the people she loves and that is why we tolerate her.
#glee#netflix recommendations#the vampire diaries#sailor moon#sailor mars#the originals#rebekah mikaelson#katherine pierce#rei hino#legacies#elite netflix#elite#omander#nina dobrev#danna paola
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Hobbit Soulmate Pt 37
“You’re doing it again,” Tracy said once in the set with you for your next scene post lunch you’d mostly read through while Lee continued to bask in the hype of the news of how his film was doing numbers wise. Head turned your eyes fell on her and she said, “You are sulking. Are you sleeping?”
“Ya,”
Inching closer she asked in a try to be playful tone to ease out a smile from you, “Your teddy bear miss a phone call?”
“No, Richard called and messaged twice yesterday.” Her brows arched up through a smirk and you sighed, “He hid something in the closet. Spent weeks making sure I didn’t ‘know’ anything was there under his clothes and he left and now the cubby is empty.”
Her hand planted on your arm, “Oh, like a second phone? Or something?”
“Lee said he saw him at a jewelers in town while I was in New York for my table reads.”
“Oh,” she said with tone perking up.
“And I don’t even expect gifts, but he’s gone for months away from me and he left me a sweater and I’m trying not to pout at not getting the gift he’s so terrible at hiding that he has for me, but,” after a quick sigh you said, “A gift would have been nice.”
That had Tracy giving you a hug, an action luring Lee’s gaze from across the set to you and your moment of allowing your sunken expression read across your face, “Honey bunny, maybe it’s a welcome home to England present for when you see him again. I knew he was up to something, he is terrible at hiding things from you, even my sharing I was taking you for a manicure he was ready to explode for our weekend out while he was off on those night shoots.”
“I’ll be fine, and I’ll stop sulking.” She chuckled again and rubbed your back walking with you across the fake bar for your first marks and where she could find her drink covered tray prepped and ready to go.
“If my teddy bear left the country with the chance of more than a sweater I’d be sulking too. Don’t you feel bad, besides, I don’t think I’ve seen you with more than those studs in your ears since I’ve known you. You need some bling girl.”
“I really do,” you said twisting the ring on your left ring finger of metal flowers for this role feeling the necklace cold against your skin shifting under the collar of your furry collard coat once again.
.
All over the news the footage of the Oscars was being replayed, namely the clip from Adrien’s award for Lead male when he forced a kiss upon Halle Berry making you bury your face in your hands. “Didn’t even ask,” Lee muttered at your shift to plop your covered face on his thigh.
On your other side Tracy said, “And you have to work with that asshole. I look forward to the press of you bashing his face in.”
Lee said, “You and me both,” rubbing your back.
Tracy, “I still don’t like him, and you have to kiss him? I wouldn’t kiss him.”
Turning your head you looked to the replay and sighed, “Certainly don’t want to, but it’s just the one scene if I can’t talk Peter out of it.”
The press certainly didn’t help and while given the equivalent of a wag of the finger Adrien celebrated the win as the youngest male to ever receive it for Lead Male. Three days after his ride of that press wave and interview circuit the truth came crashing down to news of who was hired to play Ann Darrow. One sigh was his response to the question from a photographer on his path out and about for what he thought of the news only doubling down the urge to break down the actor’s resolve to loathe your being part of the franchise at his side.
*
“Fifteen bucks, you are telling me you bought those for fifteen bucks?!” Chris all but shouted when his brother displayed the rings upon their arrival at his home from the airport.
Richard just had to show someone and figured Chris would be the best ally in this as he had helped him patch things up with you every time he flubbed things. “I bought the cabinet I found them in, and,”
“Oh I heard that part. Still don’t get how the pair of you can luck into that. These are incredible, I mean she certainly deserves this ring. Just leaving the question,”
“Don’t ask me when, Joe loves the ring and knows I have it, I just have no bloody clue when I could possibly hand it over. And I’ve had it for weeks with her out in Canada and the only time I could actually get it on her finger was when she was asleep. How the hell am I supposed to find some mysterious ‘perfect’ way to ask her when she’s conscious to marry me?! You know me!”
Chris nodded and said, “You got a point,” turning his head, “I idea list, that’s what we can do!” Crossing the room to fetch a notepad and pen.
.
Five episodes on Ultimate Force to the infidelity casual Cold Feet role the slump of one kiss after another not feeling right or orders to strip and redress again and again for those not you only deepened for Richard while growing ready for his next role. A tv mini series called Between the Sheets, another unfaithful role and one with the biggest drama and to his impression depth to the character also doubled for his most sexual. From a faked blow job to his several love scenes with the lead female to whom his character was married worry seemed to bubble up concerning what impressions would be once it aired. All the way from his parents to you and friends who might think it was the wrong choice of roles. Calls to you however seemed to bolster his hopes you might like it and not be jealous or upset of his behavior with another.
“Today was odd,” he sighed through the line on his phone call to you.
“Oh I think whatever it was it will be amazing.” You teased back mid swipe of your sponge over the dish you were cleaning with phone pressed to your shoulder.
“My co-star raked her nails across my butt cheeks, at least the sex scenes and my arrest are over with, now I just have my breakdown scene where I reveal my infidelity.”
“I’m beginning to think there’s a pattern growing in your roles, dying and dirty deeds.”
Lowly he chuckled, “Well I do play a good villain.”
“Oh psh, you wouldn’t hurt a paper swan.” Making his smile creep wider imagining your smile and what you might be wearing, “I am glad you will have tons of work coming out so we can have some more parties for you. I do love celebrating you Richy Bear.”
“I love you,” he hummed smile locked wider at the nickname knowing the smirk you always had when you said it. “Can’t wait for you to be back here. How’s the show?”
“Uh, tad bit insensitive and a touch racist but it’s certainly unique for a resume. Spring scenes should be better, even have that kid from Disney, Spenser something, has a spot on the show. I get to pin him to a wall.”
“Sounds like fun, I know it will be fantastic with you in it.”
“Either way I just can’t wait for it to be out already. It’s the waiting that will end me, ’05 is when it’s coming out, same as Kong but a few months earlier, over a year, Lee waited nearly three for his film.”
“We’ll just have to keep you distracted then won’t we?”
“Oh really now? And just how will you do that?” You asked drying your hands at the end of the dishes heading to your couch to lounge for the rest of the call feeling his smirk through the line.
*
Another month hadn’t seemed to help things on that front with questions still lingering on how you could morph from one lead role to the next. Re-using your playful purple low dipping dress alone on Valentines Day you sat in the town car sent for you with hands interlocked on your lap waiting for this film to just be over. Eyes shut you forced yourself to relax in this communication lull of a supposed to be romantic holiday where you still had no bling to show off.
Brad and JLo fresh off their engagement alongside Jennifer Garner with a hopeful relationship on the horizon only made things worse on your painfully throbbing heart. Colin Farrell however seemed to save the day for you latching onto your bare side for the whole of the carpet at your reaching his location and even in the flash of the $1 Million triple pink diamond engagement ring on JLo’s finger made you grateful for the instant carpet buddy eager to catch up with you and hear about what you were up to in Canada after having seen your film twice now. Alone however your seat was bumped back to the row of extras who shared your curiosity on how little you would be fleeting across the screen of this film. Loud and boisterous at the club they had chosen for the after party the crowd helped in your slip out of the venue to hail a cab home to yet another empty apartment. Stretched out across your bed to wait for the time to leave and catch your flight to England where a late romantic morning bagel might help to make up for how you feel right now.
.
Right off your feet into a tight hug you were lifted. Still in your dress with Richard’s sweater and your coat over the dress hinting that you had to leave the party to make your flight in a rush down to the tall heels you had to take off for most of the day long flight. Already outside the cameras snapped away ready to spread that assumption when, post loving kiss, Richard took hold of your suitcase and duffel bag murmuring sweetly, “You bought a second bag.”
“Yes, seems I have picked up more clothes recently, and the shoes I got with the Jens didn’t help either.”
“I am just glad you have more things, I wasn’t fond of all your things fitting in one bag alone.” Leaning in he pressed another kiss to your forehead, “Let’s get you home, got a nice breakfast planned for you and day of relaxing before our table read tomorrow.”
Waiting on the set table a stuffed rhino sat beside a candle holder, around its head in a crown of sorts rested a silver bracelet with five round emeralds. “Happy late Valentines, they were out of roses,” he hummed lifting the bracelet that around the wrist he raised to lovingly secure it. Awkwardly a grin split across your face in the press of his lips to your palm and knuckles afterwards.
“It’s really beautiful, perfect gift, thank you, and I love the rhino too.” Spreading his own smile as you added, “My dad tell you I love emeralds?”
“Might have mentioned it,” he hummed back, “Sadly it was that one or some large joined bangle type design a bit too flashy I think for subway wearing for you to feel safe.”
“You would be right in that, bangles drive me a bit crazy too, have to wear some for the show. Thank you, really,” you said crashing into his chest for a tight hug he melted into holding you close to your murmur of, “Don’t know how you managed to keep this a secret so long.”
To himself he chuckled easing his arms more across your back, “Nearly killed me. I hate secrets from you.” His smile easing out more at your shift closer to his chest unaware of the much bigger jeweled secret hidden in his house Chris had aided in finding the least conspicuous place to put the rings. Time apart was shared in the joint task of fixing up a breakfast cuddled through and after. Lunch again was alone however supper happened to be part of a potluck ambush from the Armitage brood here to welcome you back again and plan out more time together.
.
Back in sweaters, boots and jeans you and Richard were off for the day. Hand in hand through the building you were directed to you arrived at the desk outside the appointed room where a smiling aid showed you both inside the lounge filled with couches and armchairs facing inwards towards the rug coated area in the center clearly for acting out the scenes if need be with named binders on each cushion. Tucked in one of the loveseats you and Richard were assigned your spots nearest to the director and with her darting off to fetch you some tea the binders were lifted to allow you to settle in. With a bashful grin between you at being the only ones here so far. “I think we might be a bit too early.”
“No such thing,” he hummed smiling at you then to the door as it opened again.
Through it Anna Martin, playing Bessy Higgins came through the door with a relieved sigh, “Not too late then, got stuck in that roundabout, vans wouldn’t let me over, Anna,” she said crossing the room with hand extended shaking Richard’s hand first in his quicker pop up then yours.
“Richard,”
“Jaqi, hi.” Releasing her hand to say, “Bessie, right?”
“Yes, I could have sworn you were British, but I must have seen you with several accents in your work.”
Richard chuckled, “Halfway at least by our math.”
“I do spend a good bit of the year here had tons of time to pick up the accents.”
Kay Lyon was next beside Brendan Coyle, playing Mary and Nicholas Higgins with the latter muttering about the same roundabout then joined in on the introductions. Brian Protheroe was next for Mr Bell followed by the two Thorntons finishing up Richard’s on screen family, Sinéad Cusack and Joy Joyner. Tim Pigott-Smith, Pauline Quirke, Lesley Manville, Rupert Evans filled in your family, Richard, Dixon, Maria and Frederick for the Hale household. For the Lennox brood Travis Oliver, John Light and Emma Ferguson were to be the captain, Henry and Edith. Jane Booker for Mrs Shaw led in the Boucher brood played by William Houston, Caroline Pegg and Spencer Wild. Seats filled one by one and with tea handed out the Director smiled taking their seat beginning their welcoming speech to open the first scene when the work was to get going.
One week this room was your daily stop with the floors below used to help each of you with your first fittings for your outfits through the show. Hair and makeup tests were next and surprised by the stretch of your curls a lovely few choices to pick from the team loved with ample spots for your unruliest of curls to slip out and dangle around your head gracefully helping with the scenes you would be playing exhaustion. Playful twists at Richard’s side fluffed and twirled your skirts luring the blushing grin from the top hat wearing brooder formerly scowling in focus while apart from you. Clearly the brooding surly side to John he had down, for everyone else it was how Richard looked at you adoringly between speaking to others that melted doubts on how convincing the blossoming love would show on screen.
.
Broken hearts came first, amid the drama of the brewing strike ready to bubble over courting another woman and pained glares came from Richard. Curt interactions and gruff inquiries and responses out of John to Margaret while he meant to uncover why she was not choosing to share her troubles with him. This was post betrayal when he deemed her to have been free with showing affections to some mystery man you’d yet to film yet, starting right in the pain of it all to bubble out to both the beginning and end while the country turned greener again when Spring came back around. Some might have imagined it to be rough to split from that harsh contrast, those who did not notice each teasing smile or face from you tearing a chuckle filled smile from Richard between the blush inducing pecks you stole on toe top pecks on his nose with each hushed argument.
The darkest of scowls came on the day the strike would break and if you hadn’t stayed close to show how much of a teddy bear Richard was the other men, especially Boucher who ‘threw’ the stone to knock Margaret unconscious in front of the mob in her try to save John from the harm’s way she pushed him into. Five takes of the brewing stress came with ease after the first try to see Richard not jump the rail and rush to throttle the actor. A rubber stone by a staff member above on a camera platform who lined up the toss to hit the spot a hidden makeup artist would sneak out once you’d done the collapse take enough times to play out the sprawled position for the streak of blood along your hairline. A task filled with hushed giggles from you until action was called again for Richard to lift you up and carry you inside again.
From this the next week would be scenes apart to meet up at the wardrobe building on the way to supper. The depression of the winter months and hardships of the funeral scenes bubbled to just one. In the midst of filming the scenes of the Hales arrival to Milton giggles slipped out between jokes traded between you and the female cast members who had been buried and still showed up to work still. Hints of green on the first flowering bushes outside had Richard smiling knowing that the romantic ending was coming up along with that devastating refusal or marriage for John he hoped to be the only time he would get a refusal to a proposal from you. He never had the thought pop into his head before, there wasn’t a reason for you to refuse to marry him. True it’d just been a slightly teasing glimmer in the distance with close friends and relatives but forever was his goal and to his own mind he had made that apparent. Now the question had bubbled up again of how.
Brendan smirking in your latest break between sets inched over in the gentle blow you gave to the steaming tea helping to warm you up on the nippy end to winter. “You are actually adorable you know.” Having caught Richard’s stolen kiss on his way to head to his office for more scenes post street interaction with you.
Smiling up at him you said mid giggle, “Thank you, you are quite adorable yourself.”
Deeply he chuckled to himself and said, “I have to admit I was a bit intrigued to see how things would go between the pair of you with all that press around you and that brunette out in Canada.”
“Oh,” you said lowering your mug to let it cool accepting help from one of the aids taking your shawl to shake the fake cotton off the back of it, “That’s Lee, my best friend from Drama School, out in Canada we’re on a show together picking back up in the end of Spring.”
Anna who’d snuck up said, “That’s good to hear, you do make a perfect couple. Some guys I know would be up in arms over a flub like that.”
That had you giggle after another blow on your tea, “Well he knows Lee, we’re all good friends so I think that’s part of it. Plus he is a tad amused that he’s been called my Boy Toy,” making the pair chuckle as you giggled again, “We’ve gotten used to long distance and I suppose it really comes down to trust issues for guys, hell even one of the women on set, another of my former classmates who I’m rumored with. All just fluff, even they get giggles out of it.”
Brendan asked, “Boy Toy? They really looked at him and picked that?”
“Exactly his amusement. At least he didn’t take it as a demotion from Partner, just let them make up their own stories.”
On his own the title had been used by Brendan between takes with his scenes with Richard luring a blushing laugh from the lanky man meant to be towering over him helping to ease the tension from their scene, one of many of their battles of wills. By far helping to improve a friendship of sorts with one of his scene partners he spent the longest with aside from his fake family.
.
It was a Monday, like any other, but the big day had come, the day John’s heart and trust would shatter in Margaret and be seen with another man at night un-chaperoned in a loving embrace. The start of a trio of night shifts on the set had come and let Richard sneak in his plan. “Be right at the car, forgot my notepad.”
“Ok,” you said stepping out of the front door with his keys in hand, “I’ll start the car,” wiping your eyes still half asleep nothing seemed to be off in Richard’s double back to grab something, just what he needed. Post peek out the curtain on the window by the door he turned shifting the coat tucked in his arm hurrying to the spare bed. Off the top shelf high above where you could reach he pulled the two now wrapped ring boxes with notes on them. The one with the note for you he left in the center of the table with the second he settled in the cupboard above the fridge you wouldn’t bump into. Off the counter he grabbed the notepad tucking that under his arm to go and join your no doubt napping self already waiting for him in the car.
.
Betrayal was swiftly followed by refusal, in the brighter gray of the morning once the proposal turned argument with him storming right out of the set was the beginning and end of your shift. Ready to be out of your corset tears were close coming to blurring your vision for how emotional these scenes were and what you had to draw from to get to the reactions required. Out from the men’s wardrobe room eyes had shifted over Richard at his own anxious shuffling his way through getting dressed again and out to the hall to meet up to head home.
Awkward silence seemed to fall over the car between stops to pick up lunch from a fancier eatery than you frequented paired with a bottle of wine from there to go with the dinner. All the scents of the meal had you glancing over at Richard who glanced back with a flash of a wide smile then looked away again. “I think it went well today.” You squeaked out and he looked back with another smile.
“Everyone loved it. Yes, I think we really did the argument and the suspicion behind Frederick fleeing justice. Now we just have to do the hiding period where John can’t come inside only heightening things before the trips away to film the whole convention portion.”
“Ya, then we just have to kill off Mr Hale and do the whole Southern scenes before the big reunion scene at the station. Then I think it’s just more meddling from Mr Bell, right?”
“Yes, and your face off with John’s mother at the empty mill after my goodbye from Nicholas.” Again he looked you over asking, “You are enjoying this film?”
“Oh ya, no question about it. I mean I do miss the actual mental play by play from the book, especially John’s,” making him smirk at your hand tapping his arm, “You do impeccable with subtle things it’s just, I love the words it makes him so much more adorably soppy compared to his rough shell.”
“I get that,” he hummed back patting his hand on your knee not ready to take your hand to give away his thundering pulse. “I do love Margaret’s words over her own swooning. Plus I do miss the private moment where he clings to her after being struck in the head.”
A twinge more of the awkward was gone at his hand moving from the shifter to stroke his fingertips across your knee drawing shapes to distract himself ready to no longer have to live without the weight of that ring on his finger. This would be bold, insisting on wearing his ring as well for his own engagement ring and most likely could explode on the news when the press would catch onto the matching rings and assume that you had already run off and eloped. Which could be more likely in the next slew of auditions and the magazine spread you were to film that Peter had set up to your schedule for the cast of King Kong with another for you and Richard around the Beast of Bards film and its progress so far in theaters. But that all came after his having to ask the question.
You did as you always did, taking the bag of food while he grabbed the wine, sturdier hands when it came to glass he followed you inside. With a smirk he failed to hold back right across his face hidden by his turn to lock the door saying practically in a hum, “If you’ll set out the food I’ll pop the wine.”
Behind you he crept smiling wider on your path to the table, inside the kitchen he set the wine bag down leaving his coat beside it to sneak the cupboard open to grab the wrapped box he palmed. His eyes fixed on your back for full view of the pause you took eyeing the box on the center of the table beside the candleholder you didn’t notice he’d put out the night before along with the special table setting. Carefully the bag was set down and to the box you moved lifting the indigo ribbon wrapped box with white paper coated in blue floral outlines and a note. ‘Give me to Richy Bear.’ A heart was drawn beside the words and lifting the box that adorable puzzled smirk he loved spread across your face.
Nice and confused into the kitchen you walked finding him looking you over, smile split free as you held out the box, “This is for you?”
“Thank you, trade you, my Dearest Love.” He said accepting his box for the one in his hand identically wrapped. ‘I pick the wine, you chose the spoons, My Dearest Love.’
Watching him your eyes narrowed with hold of the puzzling box while he eased the ribbon off his to pull the side of the paper off. His smile wide in his glance up to say, “Don’t wait for me,” back to the box in your hands your eyes dropped and with your free hand the end of the ribbon was undone to set aside with the note left on the counter. Out of the side of the folded paper you eyed the box inside keeping the lid side upright unwrapping the rest of the paper set aside too.
Upon opening his wrapping paper Richard blinked eyeing the message that was meant to be on your box alone Chris must have written across both. ‘Marry Me?’ Lifting the lid he flashed your way he hummed out in a means to pretend this was planned, “Of course I’ll marry you!” Instantly your eyes shot up and the distance was closed while you read the lid he was holding. Eyes eased shut for a lingering kiss that in the thunder of your heart almost had your knees give out.
In the pull back his eyes dropped to your box reading the same message that your free hand moved to take the lid off in his silent hint, the smile inducing rock inside found you gently reaching in with your fingers to ease it out. A task taken slower in noticing the top lifting up while he dangled his pouch from around his thumb. Richard smiled taking the box away to let you hold the geode box you eased open revealing a velvet pouch.
You must have skipped a second because in the view of the box Richard appeared in your view now on his knee with hands tenderly folded around your wrist making shapes in your skin asking, “Will you go on this adventure with me?”
“I love adventures,” you wisped out making his smile split wider.
“Well then open the pouch.” He hummed with eyes following your hand in his timid rise hoping he was doing this all perfect for you to look back on for years to come in claiming the geode box when you lifted the pouch.
Wide eyed you gawked at the ring, “You did not buy this!”
Your eyes met his and he shook his head, “Nope, you did.”
“Oh really? And how did I do that?” You asked with an instant playful challenging smirk to his deepening smile.
“I didn’t hunt down the old owner of that cabinet over some pens and a music box.” He drew out his ring showing you that one while sharing, “Hercule thought he lost these rings in that house fire. The geode box was inside that cabinet and that contract I told you about was about these rings. They were scuffed up and I took them to get cleaned and appraised.”
“Rich, how much is this ring?”
“No less than you deserve.” Your lips parted and he smiled saying, “They both have spoon engraved inside.” Again your smile split awkwardly out across your face.
“That’s why you wrote that note on mine, like their story.”
“Exactly,” he wet his lips and reached for the ring on your palm along with your left hand, purring, “You don’t want to wear it?”
“Rich you didn’t have to buy me a ring.”
“Yes I did, I wanted a ring! Be rude not to get you one to match.”
“Will it even fit? It’s huge.”
“It fits, you nearly didn’t give it back when I tried it on your finger.” He said easing it back onto your finger with eyes shining brightly as he did to your gasp.
“Where was I when that happened?”
“Sleeping,” he chuckled leaning in to kiss you again, just melting around you at the loop of your arms around his neck for the celebratory embrace lasting even after the kiss had ended, for a close eyed hug to cling to one another.
“I would have woken up if you put this on me.”
That made him chuckle into your shoulder, “You almost did, rolled over burying your hand into the pillow. You like it?” He murmured inching back to see your face.
“I love it, it’s still huge though.” In front of you he dangled his pouch that you smirked in accepting, “This is your ring?”
He nodded and said, “Which I plan on wearing.”
“Today?” You asked with a smile and he nodded.
“Right here, right now and every day from here out. You bought it for me and I intend on boasting endlessly.” Once out of the pouch this ring widened your eyes as well and he lifted his hand saying, “They’re absurdly big compared to what I could have afforded until Bard is out of theaters. But you have to admit, fifteen bucks for these second hand suits us.” Up his finger the ring slid and came to rest and he said, “If you must know, both are 24 karat white gold. My center emerald is seven carats and the onyx and diamonds are a half a carat each. While your emerald is eight carats and the diamonds and smaller emeralds are one carat each. That’s all I’m telling you about them, other than the jewelers I went to said when you want we could go there to design your wedding band, on which I was clueless.” He looked you over in your moment of pause, “What are you thinking for bands?”
“Well, my cousin we went to her wedding,” which he nodded at remembering the ceremony at the courthouse and party on the family land while you were filming Elektra before her husband shipped out so he could leave her charge of his property that wouldn’t go to his family. “She picked one of those eternity bands with hearts, I did like that design.”
His grin eased out again, “That sounds beautiful.”
“Though hers was nearly three grand,”
“Don’t you worry about the price. I have money saved up, money is not an issue.” His hands eased on your hips to draw you closer to his chest, “I know getting through school was so difficult, I’ve been scraping by too for a decade before I had even met you finding what I loved. I will always do my best to ensure that we have a solid financial footing, and I do know you are getting paid crazy amounts of money for your roles. Even if I never get another check like off of Bards, I will be here, and I will never use that as any sort of,” he sighed and said after wetting his lips. “I am so proud of you, and where some men may feel they have to be the bread winner even if you out earn me I will never let that get between us. And I will do all I can to make you not feel like you can’t depend on me to help fund our lives.”
“I never thought that. I would never.”
“I know, but it may come up for others, I couldn’t afford this ring on my own if not for having found it, but I do hope one day comfortably I might be able to afford one half as much as this without worry on bills around it once this Bard money is gone. So you pick the band you want and we’ll get it for you. If it helps your dad loves the rings.”
“How did you show him?”
“Sent him a picture when I got them cleaned. And I bet you he’s shown them around.”
“No wonder his voice has been squeaking, you made him wait months! And where the hell did you get that geode box?”
He chuckled again, “They were both in the geode box, they were scuffed up from it when I found it, so that’s why I left yours in the pouch. I’m gonna open the wine.”
“Right,” you said breaking your smile up at him, “Food,” you said turning back to setting the table for the start of the rest of the romantic evening until it was bedtime. Calls to family put a lot of people out of their joint misery and kicking the plans into a slow grind for what and when you might want a ceremony to be. And in cleaning up came the start of an adorable habit where you would tap his side or arm to say with a smile, “We’re getting married,” or “Fiancé,” always splitting a massive smile across his face in his move to scoop you up for a loving kiss and tons of cuddles.
That evening for another shoot however you stood looking at your ring through cooking before heading out, “We wear them to work, right? I mean we have those lockers, they seem pretty sturdy with cameras.”
“Other actors wear jewelry to work, we will be safe wearing them.”
The fact proven to be true from the sight of the new rings security took mental notes to mark you among the cast working with jewelry to have that locker room under surveillance ensuring that it remained off limits to those not assigned there. Cameras stationed outside the studio however with view of the parking garage on the way in and out honed in on the new sparkle on your finger mirrored by his in a wave to them upped the shadows on the path out the morning after.
Pt 38
Hobbit – Soulmate - @evyiione, @deepestfirefun, @rhaenaatargaryen, @anastasialovers
X all Rich. A - @abiwim, @deepestfirefun, @thestorybookmistress
X Lee P - @tigereyesf
All –
@himoverflowers, @theincaprincess, @aspiringtranslator, @thegreyberet, @patanghill17, @jesgisborne, @curvestrology, @alishlieb, @jogregor, @armitageadoration, @fizzyxcustard, @lilith15000, @marvels-ghost, @catthefearless, @imjusthereforthereads, @c-s-stars, @otakumultimuse-hiddlewhore, @mariannetora, @shes-a-killer-kween, @ggbbhehe4455
#Pouting#Premier#Time Apart#Sharing of Plans#North and South Filming#Time in England#Living Together Again#The Proposal#Richard Armitage x Reader OC
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