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anntriccs · 3 days

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I want to ask about the daily lives of the Lovechilds?

-Do they go to regular school?

-Are they in training for their future roles for ADA and Port Mafia? I can see that Kazuya is studying to be a doctor quite early.

-When did Lyubov started her travels and search for her dad, Fyodor Dostoyevsky? How does Nikolai feel about it?

-Are any of the kids getting anymore siblings?

So, so many questions I have for you Ann.

I love questions and answers, so while I take a break, let's get to it! 1. The kids go to what we might call “private” school! It's a school founded by the ADA, financially supported by the PM and supervised by the Special Division. Children with and without abilities attend (those without abilities are usually children of people with abilities, or people who work for an organization).

Students attend preschool through high school. In general, it works like any other school, except that there are special classes only for children with abilities (such as history classes) and activities that they cannot do (example: Yasushi cannot participate in any sports activities because he has a clear advantage over the rest).

2. All children are trained from an early age (because of past conflicts, in other words, manga canon). Only Kazuya and Lenore have a role within the ADA and the rest of the people recognize them as future members. Jonathan is in “process” and Yasushi still doesn't have a place or a “side” in which he is. He's usually in the ADA mostly because there are the other children.

Of course, Yujiro is already a Hunting Dog, and Lyubov has no “place” as a member of any organization. Kazuya since he was little wanted to be a doctor to take care of his parents <3 I drew about that a while ago!

3. Lyubov started looking for Fyodor as soon as she found out about everything (both the bad things Fyodor did and the fact that he's alive), which happened shortly before she visited the ADA for help (the beginning of the comic Lovechild).

Nikolai was devastated because he felt he had failed to protect her and tried to stop her, but he couldn't do anything because she left looking for answers as her father wasn't going to tell her anything or even help her. Nikolai is also agreed that Lyubov should stay away and forget about Fyodor (more on this soon in the comic!)

4. Yes, one of the kids will have a little sister and she will appear for the first time in the comic! But of course, in the meantime I won't reveal which couple will get another child, haha, but I already have the name selected and I have the design more or less thought out <3

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skitskatdacat63 · 12 hours

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Happy 5/14!!!!

Aaaaahh not sure if this is my best work 😭 I just really wanted to draw smth for vettonso day but my brain hasn't really been functioning well LOL so I kept dreading working on this, especially bcs its so important to me, y'know? I hope it's good????? I'm happy with the concept, but I was just so unsure on so many of the angles and it was killing me. I did the color thing bcs I thought it'd add something interesting to it :) since I didn't paint it as I usually would

Anyways! Process!

Now I will explain all of them:

Boy king au is where it all starts of course. I think their relationship is the most developed in this compared to the others, but at the same point, they just start from such a different point, especially affection-wise. All of these kinda have a power dynamic, except the last one, and this is the most imbalanced. Fernando is being subservient, the only part of Seb he may kiss(in public lol) is his hand.

Matador au next. They hurt themselves when they try to be affectionate, because they live in the culture of a sport of violence and death. The sword separates them, their love for the sport keeps them apart, in fear that they hurt each other. Seb, yet again, looks down upon Fernando. Seb haunts Fernando's whole career, the constant overhanging presence. Also aside from that, shame that you can't see his three musketeers look bcs of the black background 😔

2012 core!!! I think this one is pretty easy to understand. Both of them often kiss their trophies, more so than any driver. So they're both trying to claim the wdc trophy by kissing it. Maybe you guys should just get rid of the trophy altogether and claim each other! But yes, just like the sword in the matador au one, the trophy and their ambitions divides, keeps them from ever bridging the vast gap between them, at least at that point in time.

The conclusion! Aka what I wish we will get at Imola 2024- kidding kidding. But it is 2024. Finally there is no conflict between them, there's no big thing keeping them in conflict, they can finally come together. Finally they can touch, there is no gap to bridge, they can appreciate each other, and appreciate what they failed to in years past.

The thesis is basically that they always have their aspirations between them, and their aspirations happen to be basically the same thing. Until those are resolved, the gap between them is too vast for them to recognize and/or find any commonality. How do you get along with someone when you're both fighting for the same thing? How do you get along when it feels like one of you is winning more? How do you get along when there's such a vast gap?

In boy king au, it's going to take a while before they both feel settled about the issue of the throne. That's what makes that au interesting, they're trapped in this state of non-closure and they have to actually solve their issues without the matter of one of them simply removing themselves from the equation. They have to find a way to get over themselves and their aspirations, because like it or not they're stuck with each other. I think with the hand kissing, it represents how Fernando, at that point, is only willing to play along with the game if it's tradition, and he often won't budge in other ways. Yes, I will show subservience, but only in this detached, formal way that I don't connect personally to. He's still holding his own bitterness over meaningfully appreciating Seb. Though it's not like Seb isn't at fault. It takes a while for him to not hold things over Fernando, and constantly humiliate him. One day they will meaningfully show affection, and it won't be some sort of power play.

I think matador au is pretty similar to real life, and the 2010s era(it's basically just their actual plot line but in the context of bullfighting.) They're forever going to have this big elephant in the room, and it only really gets resolved when one of them leaves the sport. Once they're not fighting directly against each other, they realize what they've been missing out on and what they were not appreciating for so many years beforehand. They finally come together because they can't just rely anymore on the sport keeping them together. They actually have to make that step to be in each other's lives, rather than just taking their presence for granted.

Also the text on the comic. "We keep missing, and missing, and missing, and finally kissing." It's basically: we keep missing the point of it all, we keep failing to appreciate each other presence in our lives and in our own individual grand stories. But when we're not forced together anymore, we have to make the choice to come together again ourselves. We keep missing what we actually need to do. Missing each other in favor of our aspirations. Etc etc. One day we will finally embrace and there will be nothing keeping us apart.

#hahaha im more proud of what i wrote under the cut so make sure to read that!#im happy w the concept but the art hurt my brain so its not my best work i dont think #i also never draw kissing #so please take my token of actual shippy affection for once #VETTONSO DAY!!!!!!!!!! AAAAHH #man im glad i realized that last wk bcs i think i wouldve never recovered if i didnt draw smth for it #tho thsts why i think i kinda dont like this drawing 😭#the process was rly stressful to me bcs im like I HAVE TO FINISH THIS #its my national holiday and i must pay my dues 🤧🤧#but im happy abt the plotline of this all :)#sigh. when will vettonso truly stop missing and actually start kissing #i rly hope 005's art and mine works as some sort of sacrifice so we get pics of them together from imola #like PLEASE guys if theres literally one thing you could do for me. it would make my year. genuinely #i just need that shock again of japan 23. just the completely unexpected pictures #cmon lets have a meetup of aston failboys as they look upon the amr24 and commiserate #^ see exactly the point of this art. they have this bridging them together.#conflict that keeps them together and that they can relate to rather than dividing them #conflict is not man vs man anymore. it's man vs car 😔#f1 #formula 1 #sebastian vettel #fernando alonso #vettonso #catie.art.#catie.rambling.txt

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rin-and-jade · 3 days

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A Cup, and A Thread: A Post About System Communication

Hey, you know classic string telephone? The one made with two plastic cups and a piece of yarn, i suppose you recognize that old-school science toy? It's one of the simplest inventions that showcases how messages are sent from one place to another!

This little invention is very fitting to explain how inner communication works, so i hope today's theme of analogy will help you understand all of my messages im about to share, with a twist of a fiber.

There's a lot of things i want to address on this topic, thanks to all my 8 great friends who had helped me gather a variety of insights on what seems to be the problem, i have the answers right here that will be shared to the community, because of them!

You know what communication is?

I sure do, but let's both revise on what it means, according to Merriam-Webster, it's defined as..

"a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs, or behavior."

It also means "a technique for expressing ideas effectively."

..Alright, we should be in the same page now, but, do we actually know what counts as 'good' communication in system context? After some examination from the given data, it was a resounding "No." This can also mean many may not have a clear idea on it, which will also be addressed.

Okay, tell me please?

Before i do tell, remember that communication is diverse, with no perfect or right way to do so. Just like animals, where different species use unique methods to pull it off, means can systems have their own unique styles too.

There are a few examples we see in animals; like how some use pheromones to talk to its own kind, while some read off from their signature body languages, and some use tones or cues that is meant to be recognized specifically, to each their own meanings.

So, good communication means ensuring that everyone in the system can understand and receive messages effectively which eases functioning and cooperation, regardless of how frequent or indirect the communication may be.

For us, systems have unique internal methods of communication that are based on how our brains function, not having any unique features in animals. These methods are very personal, so find what works best for you.

Here are the common styles so far:

Verbal: Where you talk aloud, or in a media like notes.

Abstract vibes: Where you speak no words, which encompasses feelings, or concepts, or ideas, that can be "felt" instead of heard or seen.

Images: Where the share of messages are conveyed through memories, expressive actions or symbols that are projected in the mind.

Direct thoughts: Where an internal dialogue is present, parts communicate using this inner voice, that can vary in different accents and intonations.

The media represents a lot of the stereotypical kind, direct thoughts, while the rest are less recognized. These four kinds are not limited to, but are the ones often represented, they are equally as important and real.

It's important to note that alters within a system can have different communication styles, or the collective may share the same style. You can't force yourself to use a particular kind, so focus on practicing and mastering your style.

..But there's many problems!

Which is why it's a good idea to educate yourself and find proper solutions in order to resolve them. I know some of them at best, as there might be issues i have not heard of, though will still be shared.

Consider a clear communication between two alters with an example of both cups, connected to the string with no obstructive noise at the background while exchanging messages, one conveys the content clearly, and the other hears and received with maximum clarity/understanding. This will be our main example that will be used to compare with the problems that usually arise in this topic.

The problem with multi-talking

Now, to explain interruptions from another part would be like having an extra string-attached cup tied to the middle of the initial cup, now with two inputs and one receiver, the messages will overlap each other and become obscured.

This can be resolved by being aware, then slowing down when talking and take turns between each other to avoid clashes which can easily overwhelm or confuse the receiver, or even the sender itself since losing track of thought or words can happen.

The problem with worser performance from stress

When stress happens, this can sometimes mess up your state to receive messages, imagine that outwards stressors had pulled and tugged your thread, now a bit twisted out and weak, which still can be used to communicate and hear, but now in a weaker clarity.

Because parts communicate mostly from internal ways, our brain networks are responsible to allow when activities inside (that doesn't necessarily involve system things) can happen. Just like how imagination runs in a mind that's wandering off, stress alerts you instead, snapping off from any safe or calm activities until the 'threat' is resolved.

You can gain temporary clarity by calming yourself down and bring all your focus to send your messages if any responds, if it doesn't happen, it would be best to wait it out until you naturally feel at ease once more, or solve the issue at hand and try again afterwards.

This may not work when you are in a fight or flight response, if you do got cutted off and need to contact anyone from inside, try using strong triggers to probe a response.

The problem with ineffective communication

It is like talking to a part who uses a rubber strand instead of cotton string as its mediator. Threads can conduct finer vibrations that can preserve the original verbal message, while rubber can represent for those who use vibes, as they're more broad and less specific. So if they attempt to talk to you with rubber, you might not receive it's message well,

This can be solved with having another part that are flexible or able to decipher, or find the middle ground where both can exchange better. (e.g. texts)

The problem of talking outside your subgroup

This is where it gets tricky, because there is a notable difference in communication where it's easier to converse inside your group while it's harder to converse outside of your group. What i mean by group is they are the people you meet and talk the most and have easy time communicating.

Imagine that the same group has the same length of the thread, the shorter, the better it retains or transfers message with no effort. Talking outside of your group would require you an extra pair of string telephone, but this time the thread is long as you're talking to another neighboring group, who isn't directly related with you.

Suggestions varies from trying different medias to contact with and see what works best, or rely on someone who have direct relations with the group you mean to interact with, acting as a bridge. Lowering barriers by consenting to get closer in co-conscious might do the trick too. Long term solution would be building ties to strengthen communication. (can also work with layers, better if you can 'travel' there to get direct interactions)

The problem with front and innerworld disconnection

It is normal to be out of contact from the inside when you're fronting, since this would mean you put down the cup to focus doing task or role job. To remedy this, try finding a moment to sit down or close your eyes, and feel yourself going back to your mind, since in order to contact those inside, you must lightly disconnect from the real world to focus better inwards.

The problem with having aphantasia

As if you heard the noise from the cup, but you're not sure where that sound is coming from nor aware of your surroundings as this condition blinds you visually (can vary from mild to severe, blurry/vague mental images to blank respectively).

Your innerworld is still there, using visualization is one way to immerse in, start relying on your tactile awareness, or your 'radar' that is, since it is possible to detect parts in your proximity. Rely on tangible medias such as texting or notes to keep track of things.

The problem with external noise

Having a comorbid of something, such as ADHD, autism, or OCD can create a mental chatter that exists in the background constantly.. if not most of the time, imagine that the location of the telephone is somewhere bustling, now it is harder to tell which one is intrusive, random chatters, or an alter's voice.

There is not a lot to say except learning how to separate those noises from your people, it is done best by slowing down and voice your messages wide and clear to create a distinction from such background chatter, making it easier to differentiate.

Other conditions like depression and anxiety can also affect the clarity and ease of communicating.

The problem with distinguishing others

For those with comorbids and aphantasia, this can make it much harder, though still possible! One last problem with communication is sometimes not knowing who is who, which creates obstacles in different ways. Imagine that there are multiple cups lined up to you as the receiver, this creates difficulty on pinpointing whose speaking. Thus, having problems on replying back or made sure if the first sentence relate to the second one, or it belonged to someone else.

The only solution there is, has to be a long term one. As you're suggested to slowly collect and recognize different speech pattern, assigned vibes of other parts, when they usually reply or what topics/mentions brings them up, and different accents or tone if any.

It is not required to 'know' physical attributes or what they look like, but this one will help a ton and usually the easiest way in distinguishing who is who. The solution is to go through a trial and error (arrange all the attributes you like/feel connected to, and see what sticks) and document all the findings somewhere, incase you're forgetful/difficulty memorizing.

Special mentions

It is worth knowing that communication is greatly affected by your state of mind + physical health, the conditions you have, the maturity of the alter in communicating skills, and the style you or the collective dominantly have.

That being said, having the same role, or source, or how old or new an alter is doesn't generally affect the ease of exchanging messages.

Lastly, inner communication also obeys similar rules to how conversation works in real life, this can be taken from examples:

The proximity of the talker you're with affects how much you can understand what is being said. It makes sense that you need to focus harder to hear what the mumbles meant when they're further away from you.

Being with people you can vibe along always results in a better and more effective exchange, as you don't have to explain twice for them to get the message. (mutual understanding)

How loud the environment is also affects how focused/undisturbed you are within a conversation, and it takes effort to separate the background noise to catch what they're saying.

People also have their own ways of expressing their message, some are more dominant in body language or etc. This is why it is important to recognize and understand what it means. You will always have your own dominant way of socializing, but this doesn't mean you can't learn other ways, partially.

Now comprehending the concept of system communication does become easier, right? This should serve as a good framework to start building and understanding connections.

One last phone call

I hope everything i have said here has been loud and clear, if there is a problem that has not been mentioned that needs fixing, give this string telephone a tug and i'd answer your call alright?

May this post address all the things you need more than a hotline help centre and leave with full satisfaction.

If you please, i will now indulge in the whole history of telephone strings, join me if you wish! Did you know it's originally made of tin can instead of a plastic cup?

-- The next post that will be out: all about introjection. Stay tuned!

- j

#did #actually did #did community #did osdd #did system #dissociative identity disorder #sysblr #plural #system stuff #jeducates

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frankenjoly · 3 days

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"I never really left (you)", for Bram and Aya please? :')

post-chapter hopium, this time actually referencing the chapter lkjlkj

When he came back into his senses, the first thing he saw was a starry night, which posed the most evident question: how much time had it been?

Then, upon noticing he was laying down on the ground, Bram motioned to first sit down and try to stand next. His body may not feel dizziness like it had happened when he used to be a human, but since his brain was still working to process everything that had happened… better take things easy. He didn’t manage to carry out the whole ‘plan’, though, for the moment he sat something collided against him at quite the speed.

No, not something. Someone.

“Wha–?” The question died before fully exiting his lips, because recognizing said someone was just a matter of mere seconds. Besides, who else could that be anyway?

“You’re fine!” In an instant, Aya’s arms were circling his neck as she pulled him into the tightest hug she was able to give. “I thought I–”

Instead of continuing speaking, she buried her face in his shoulder and started sobbing. That was when Bram fully reacted, wrapping his arms around the girl with utmost care, trying to offer as much comfort as possible.

“I… I never really left. I never really left you.”

It was difficult to explain, more so when he had barely had time to think about it; it had felt like being dragged down, or backwards. Like suddenly losing all one’s senses but also being somewhat there, like falling asleep but not quite it and without the comfort actually sleeping tended to provide. It was difficult to explain, but the fact he was back proved he hadn’t truly left. And even if he had, it would have been worth it if that meant his attempt at physically pushing Aya away to ensure her safety worked out.

But he was glad to be back. Damn if he wasn’t.

(Also on ao3.)

#bsd bram #bsd aya #bsd #bungou stray dogs #my stuff #clau stuff #ficlet #i love them so much you have no idea #hoping the “characters not really dying” streak doesn't break with bram pls

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punkstylerecovery · 5 months

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I think today is the first time I've ever been told that I've tried really hard to advocate for myself. I'm very anxious and sometimes I can't speak (which may be related to my autism? not sure), so I always feel like part of the reason people treat me the way they often do is because I don't advocate for myself properly or "enough".

But my therapist told me today that he thinks it sounds like I've tried really hard and in proper ways too. I'm just dealing with lowkey shitty people. (He didn't say the last part but I think its true and also his face is kind of expressive so I don't think he'd disagree.)

I've never heard that before though and it feels good? to hear? Part of me knows that even if I was the world's shittiest self-advocate, I wouldn't deserve any of this but hearing that I'm not is still reassuring in a way I didn't know I needed. I'm not absurdly bad at telling people what I need or setting boundaries; people just aren't listening to me.

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julijbee · 2 months

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girlbossing too close to the sun.

#art #ive literally just been treating this game as a library simuator #i walk from bookseller to bookseller opening up all of their books #vivecs sermons are either a highlight or the point at which i stop reading #ive been trying to convince the ordinators that imitation is the highest form of flattery but it hasnt been working #let me wear your helmets please theyre so funny..#posting morrowind in 2024 isnt a cry for help but youre not wrong to be concerned.#morrowind #almalexia #vivec #im going to explain the chitin armor give me a moment #so the bonewalker nerevar on the shrines is adorable and it was only after drawing it however many times that i realized #it looked relatively close to a modified chitin armor #and so i modified chitin armor a few times and this was probably the cutest result #i also know i drew almalexia relatively pristine and untouched by years and vivec not so much but my thought process was #vivecs role as if not a favorite then the most accessible divine or the most “hands on” in a manner of speaking #acting in ways visible to the general population or actions explicitly brought to their attention #like not that almalexia isnt doing anything she is #but the dissemination of information regarding that is very different etc etc etc #anyways to a certain extent a god is the face on a shrine or in art or upon a statue or carving #but vivecs presence is interwoven with the geography of vvardenfell especially and his actions and writings with pubished materials #and the arts and culture and customs etc etc etc #so to me the face of a god you know and feel a commonality with or a god that walks alongside you is a face you would recognize #and vivec is already otherworldly looking enough #the simple mark of the years on his skin in some way grounding him in reality felt more right #that and i think the ways in which he and almalexia care about outward appearance are slightly different- they prioritize different things #and the ways they present outward power and their embodiment of their respective attributes share some similarities as they both have that #important preoccupation with physical power and physical strength to a certain degree #oh my god nobody read this i am yapping so bad.#tes

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ash-and-starlight · 2 years

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Zukka week day 4 // The arts

Studying the blade through calligraphy practice

#id in alt text #yet another love letter to green zukka #for those three of u who Recognize 👀 the background/palette #Im sorry I’m lazy I liked that vibe and shamelessly recycled it all #(ohh also)#(it’s referencing a scene from Hero which would work so well for a ATLA au… up until the very end of the movie)#(zukka as broken sword & flying snow aawjrbjekfbskfk screams cries)#(dies in incommensurable pain)#((don’t look to close at that perspective lmaooo))#zukkaweek2022 #zukka #sokka #zuko #my art #side note I started this one ages ago and my artstyle changed like six times in the process help

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front-facing-pokemon · 10 months

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#tropius #HE SO APPY!!! FUCK!!! HOLY SHIT I LOVE THIS ONE #i've never looked at tropius up close before i didn't even know they had a little helmet and shit. this is WONDERFUL. they're SO appy #i hope you all appreciate this as much as i do because this is very good. i don't even know anything about tropius. jack SHIT. except that #they're so appy. and i will accept this. i gotta work but i've been too busy thinking abt how appy they are #i also started the process of remaking my main blog. bc it just had a lot of posts on it all the way back to way back in my past #and i felt like it was weighing the whole blog down and making me not want to use it. and that blog needed some housekeeping for me to want #to associate myself with it. so i'm currently in the process of coming up with a new URL before i start really renovating #so the hunt for miss ffp starts anew or something. unless i've lazily replied to you in a comment once and you remember my url #i've done that to a few of you. demifiendcruithne is one. shoutouts to you demifiendcruithne you're the best #then there was that one who assumed i use windows. despite recognizing that i'm “rather techy.” yuck!#had to respond to that one to clear up any suspicion that i might be a windows user. this is all totally unrelated and also will be #totally irrelevant by the time this post gets up anyway. hopefully. y'know if i haven't come up with a new url by then then #i mean. that's my fault. but this isn't gonna post until july 23rd. 10 days from today. so. hopefully!#see you all then

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hvndredbattles · 15 hours

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what emotion do you create from?

(Richie.) Alienation.

You create from alienation. There is a distance not only between yourself and others, but between yourself and what you are expected to be, yourself and your own humanity. Your honest self feels too divorced from what it should be for it to have any place among everyone else. Your art is an expression of your estrangement from normalcy and other's expectations. It is strange and shocking because you feel that is what you are when you are not pretending to be otherwise. You do not create things to be pretty or pleasing to others, but to be raw and confusing. You have always felt different, so you want to create things that are remarkably different from the norm. It is an expression of your own strangeness, which seems to have no place but in your art. Your work is a sanctuary for everything that alienates you from the world at large.

#richie. *#richie. misc #can't see where you're coming from ( dash games )#old tags copied for sake of transfer:#FASCINATING I did this twice #Richie making actual art (theoretically)#and the work (military service) as art #And it was the same result both times #it's not something i've hit on too directly with him as much as i think about it BUT #there's a level of disconnect between richie and people #Not Quite Socialized Right vibes #(and also just. the way he processes trauma.#the compartmentalization but also just. the way some things seem to roll off him water on a duck style)#(and just sorta watching him bounce back from these things and this vibe of #Otherness? where he's got these scars and proof of these traumatic things as doesn't #necessarily carry it in a way others recognize?)#idk it's a whole thing i could get into ANYWAY #good food good food

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opens-up-4-nobody · 11 months

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...

#let me express to u perhaps The frustration of my life #i like to learn. it is perhaps my favorite thing. new information. more more more constantly #but. my fucking brain is the fucking worst. because im not fucking stupid if i can focus and process the words being said i can understand #many things. i like to learn about math and physics and chemistry and biology and anatomy... ect concepts #but the focus and the processing of words is where we have problems. because i cannot focus for more than like 5min #i blink and suddenly ive been spaced out for a sec and need to reorient. i cant prioritize what to do 1st and im constantly bouncing betwee #tasks so nothing ever gets done and im too intimidated to start learning things. and when im trying to learn we habe the processing words #problem. like my reading comprehension is so fucking bad. like i will read a book on paper and maybe retain 25% of the info if im not #hardcore trying. for a class where i had to do a ton of paper reading. i had to read everything out loud to myself. highlight important #info. write myself a summary based on the highlights and then read the paper again before i could even begin to feel comfortable in #discussions. it was so fucking frustrating and miserable. ppl will give me physical books and im like thanks i cant fucking read sorry #too fucking dyslexic. read and listen they say. u have to read and listen at the same time bc i cant pay attention and i cant read #so if i do both then maybe the info gets in. thats y i have to read aloud but i hate it and still get distracted #i mean. i probably just have an attention problem. its also really annoying that my short term working memory is so awful #bc in order to make things make sense i have to draw or write them out. i cant judt go off the top of my head or i get stuck saying thr sam #thing over and over and over. its like my ability to think is extremely shallow. but thrn i read papers and recognize concepts from classes #i took years ago and im like. fucking y cant i know what i know? my head feels so empty but info is in there somewhere #its just so fucking frustrating that i love understanding systems so much. complex annoying little systems that fit together like a puzzle #and my fucking brain refuses to accept the information im trying to get in there. so i return to a remark left on my dyslexia assignment:#intelligent when not constrained by language or time. thanks. unfortunately language is how ppl communicate #also i freak out under time pressure lol. anyway ive just been reading papers for fun this weekend and remembering y i dont: bc its agony #but also i fucking love the concepts so much and i need a good understanding of photosynthesis before August when i join a photosynthesis #lab lmao. ugh. i love learning but my brain was not buildmt #built for it. if only if only someone could podcast about the obscure things im interested in while reading directly from the source #unrelated #also its like 105 degrees plus. its too fucking hot out #thats like 40 degrees C. the sun is like a death ray

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ichorblossoms · 9 months

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crying and barking bc i wanna make COMICS and i AM but my comic and storytelling skills aren't where i WANT them yet so i have to make stuff i think is BAD before i make stuff that is GOOD

#and i AM but GGRGRGRGGRGHGHGHGGRGHG #i'm just in the quagmire of recognizing my understanding of things is greater than my skills right now #and i'm not exactly discouraged bc all i can do really is just do the best i can at any given moment and i'm just saying fuck it we ball #i think there's a point in my process where i definitely hit a wall and i'm trying to work out what the wall is and how to circumvent it #also this isn't me like #asking for encouragement at all this is just the best place to yell about it bc i'm frustrated hglkfdhlg #rambles

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queer-spectre · 1 year

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i have an appt to start the process of legally changing my name this week and i'm !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#personal post #so so so happy w a twinge of almost like ... nostalgia??? of letting go of the name I haven't been called for years but still Was Me #trans stuff y'all get it #weird to think abt having to change my work logins (medical field gen requires legal name for signatures /audit trails) so my coworkers #Call my by my actual name but have to also be able to recognize my deadname when following up on cases/ quality control stuff so it's #i am well supported at work / personally so this process is ..... basically just legal at this point which is such a privilege tbh #ah i will have to change my one (1) publication lmaooo #but it will be in effect before i hopefully go to grad school !!!!!

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angorwhosebabyisthis · 1 year

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having thoughts about nine, and i think one of the biggest things i would personally do to fix him and his role in the story (without making him a flat out villain) is to change the core theme of his character from 'missing stair will not and should not ever be held accountable for their actions,' to:

cruelty and defiance are not the same thing. existing out of spite is not an evil thing; refusing to lay down your weapons under the guise of being small and soft and palatable is not evil; defending yourself and others from being wiped out or made less than you are is not evil. it is not cruel. making good on 'fuck around and find out' can be one of the most important things you will ever do.

and because it's not cruel, it does not excuse cruelty. 'kind does not mean nice' doesn't mean 'cruelty is acceptable as long as it's for a Good Cause'; it also doesn't mean that cruelty in some instances and kindness in others balance each other out. if anything, the latter just ends up becoming part of the former with a different face. it doesn't matter how soft or palatable or loud and rough-edged you are: either your worldview is built on kindness or it isn't, and that will show in how you act on it no matter how hard you try to quarantine one philosophy from the other.

there are lots of other things i'd change; a major one being to pull the fuck up on said cruelty by a LOT, holy shit. as well, don't make him abusive, whether as a) a tactical abuser who pretends his trauma took out the filter he absolutely still has, or b) someone whose trauma has taken out their filter, and left them a disoriented, barely functioning wreck with no idea what the hell is going on inside or outside their own head; whose confused flailing manifests as lashing out in abusive ways, and who wants to do better, and would actually improve with both help and accountability for their actions. that last one has worth as a narrative, but it requires pulling on the sensitivity gloves so far up your arms that it's just a whole spandex suit, and these writers have well and truly proven they are just not fucking capable of that lmao

but in the end, one of the things that does absolutely have to change is that his character has to have a point other than getting away with being a missing stair. there might be other ways to write him as a static character and still a good one; they do have their place! but given that the conventions of the genre would generally involve a growth arc for a character like him, i feel like this interpretation is one that probably falls closest to what they were actually going for.

(or at least, what they wanted to trick the audience into thinking they were going for. lol)

anyway yeah, i have a piggy bank full of cents about this and that is two of them. tl;dr justice for nine, we could have had it all

#lorien legacies #LL number nine #LL crit tag #LL tag #the crit files #take a hammer and FIX the canon #which i think is going to start being my tag for that to differentiate it from just Screaming #bc the other half of the awfulness of recognizing Bullshit is the joy and satisfaction of using that knowledge to create something better #also re: the 'two types of abuser' thing i am planning on going into that in its own post; but the tl;dr is that abuse is a learned skill #the inclination to do it isn't; but the process of putting it into practice /is/#sometimes people are looking to meet a need and find an easy button to mash to fill it; because unskilled or not #Abuse Works :')#but the patterns of control and manipulation that nine use are ones that require practice; observation of people; and gathering a toolset #even if they haven't had a victim they've managed to Trap yet; they've spent a lifetime developing that skill passively #testing what they can get away with; how people react to things and the effects they have on them; taking notes from other abusers #fine-tuning What Works #post-escape nine is both inclined to be abusive /and skilled at it;/ the first in a way we don't see him at all inclined toward beforehand #and the second in a way he absolutely /could not have learned/ in the circumstances of his life pre-capture; he was completely isolated his #entire teenagerhood; a 30 second exchange about climbing safety was 'one of the longest conversations he'd had with a kid' before maddy #the only place he'd have been able to pick up a toolset like that from would be to lift it wholesale from sandor; and as abusive as sandor #was; & much as you can see some seeds in there of nine's later BS; it's not anything like as much or as blatant as nine would need to copy #and like. tactical abuse vs button-mash abuse is very much a spectrum #but if nine came out of captivity inclined to abuse people it would /absolutely/ not look what we ended up with #it would be HARD on the button-mash side of that spectrum #and what we got was on the same level as him being a bullshit unbeatable charming-and-debonair death machine #and fck y'all writers for portraying trauma and mental illness as magic wands to turn someone into an abuser #to try and force people to like your godawful edgy obnoxious creator's pet; by pretending it makes him sympathetic and complex 😒#lmao anyway. will probably repeat a lot of this tag rant when i type up The Post about it but yeah

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