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#but also because I'm not totally happy with it?
catmiemy · 2 days
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Another Chance to Live Part 1 (Ana Maria Crnogorčević x Reader)
Summary: Ana and you are both struggling with unwanted transfers, but maybe you can at least find happiness off the pitch.
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A/N: This is the first part of a story I've been working on for a while. I guess my way of processing my emotions about Ana's transfer. I've been in the denial stage for a long time 😅
The next two chapters are already written (just need to edit them) and so far it's a total of about 13k words. I'm now at a crossroad which will decide how long the story becomes. So I thought I'd publish the first part and see how much interest there is in a story like this to help me decide.
It felt like a cruel joke of the universe that now, now when you had been forced to leave, the woman you’ve had a crush on for years, joined your team, or well your former team. Words that made your heart crack a little more every time you thought them. Never in a billion years had you expected your team to become your former team.
Ever since you had first laid eyes on Ana you had been dazzled by her, not necessarily only by her looks, although you definitely enjoyed them, but also by her personality and her aura. She always radiated so much kindness and positive energy. It was impossible not to be drawn to her.
Sadly your paths didn’t cross all too often and when they did, Ana was always somewhere in the heart of whatever group you were part of, while you were lingering on the edges, looking in. So the Swiss woman was probably only vaguely aware of your existence, while you soaked up every detail you could find about Ana. The more you learnt, the more you liked her.
 And yes, sometimes when you lay in bed at night you made up little scenarios how the two of you would meet. One of your favorite ones was Ana coming to Atleti, not really knowing her way around Madrid yet, so you take her under your wing and show her everything. And of course she starts falling for you as you spend so much time together. It was your imagination after all, so you could day dream all you wanted.
Now part of this little fantasy was actually coming true, Ana really was joining Atlético, and it frustrated you to no end that now that she came, you were gone.  Although perhaps it wasn’t the universe being cruel towards you, maybe it was protecting you because even if you played for the same team there was no way the Swiss woman would ever go for someone like you.
Still, you spent a good amount of time fuming about it in your apartment. Possibly also because it was easier to focus on that rather than on the fact that your childhood club had just dropped you like you meant nothing.  Every time you remembered the conversation with the club’s managers you felt like throwing up, hiding under the covers for the rest of your life, and ripping off your ears so you didn’t have to listen to one more word from them. So yeah, it was comforting in a weird way to think about your missed chance with Ana, especially since it never had been much of a chance anyway.
It was harder to hold on to that strange comfort when training actually started and you had to go to Real Madrid’s training center every day. Most days were spent attempting to do your best and keep your negative emotions in check, while thinking nonstop about how much you hated this, how much you wanted to return to Atelti, how much you wanted to leave Madrid altogether.
So all in all you weren’t having the best time, barely getting by was actually a more accurate way to describe it. Then a few weeks after the season started you got a call from Lola.
“Sooo I heard you’re doing a lot of moping these days,” she teased you.
However there was an underlying note of worry in her voice. You had done your best to pretend as if Atleti’s decision hadn’t hurt you, that these things happen in football, and you were completely fine with it, but Lola had seen right through it.
“I’m not moping, I’m just quiet and focused like usual,” you quickly defended yourself. It was only partially true, you hated every single second you spent at the training center of Real Madrid.
“That’s not what I’ve heard, but how about you convince me over a cup of coffee. Maybe tomorrow afternoon?”
You didn’t even question how Lola knew that you had the day off tomorrow, apparently she had some spies at Real. As much as you didn’t want to continue talking about the misery that was your new club, you did want to see your friend, so you agreed.
“I might ask some other people if they want to tag along. Everyone misses you,” Lola continued, making you happy and sad at the same time. It was nice to be missed, but you wished you weren’t in a position where you could be missed.
Before you could hang up, Lola told you to bring “your moping buddy Misa”, then she ended the call with a cackle, not giving you any chance to retaliate. In all honesty there was some truth to it, both you and Misa were unhappy at Real, so it wasn’t surprising that she was the only person you had really bonded with so far.
Going by Lola’s words you expected a big group the next day when you entered the café you had agreed upon. What you found however were merely three people, Lola, Misa and no one other than Ana.
Suddenly your stomach was filled with butterflies flapping their wings wildly, making you somewhat nauseous as a result. You hadn’t expected this and you weren’t prepared for it at all. If it wouldn’t have been incredibly rude you would have walked right back out of the café.
Instead you walked over to the small group, doing your best impression of a friendly smile. You could have sworn you saw a knowing glint in both Misa’s and Lola’s eyes. There was no way they knew about your crush though, right?
Lola jumped up when she saw you, hugging you tightly. “It’s good to see you, chica, I’ve missed you,” she told you.
You had to blink a couple of times to chase away the tears burning in your eyes. There was no denying that you had missed her too, all of your former teammates really. You longed to be back at Atlético, and not only because Ana was there.
Right, Ana.
You extracted yourself from your friend and smiled at the blonde. Should you hug her as well? Or greet her with kisses on the cheeks? That’s exactly why you should have been informed that Ana would be there, so that you could think this over beforehand. Or, well, over think it.
Unlike you Ana knew exactly what to do; she got up, greeted you kindly and gave you a quick hug. “It’s nice to see you again, Y/N. We’ve never had much of a chance to talk, so I’m glad we get one now.”
For a few seconds too long you started at her. You were torn between awe, and a little bit of envy, at how easily the Swiss woman had navigated this greeting, and shock. She remembered you? She was happy to see you? Once your heart slowed down from a wild canter to a moderate gallop and your brain was working more clearly again, you realized that this was probably just something Ana had said to make the situation less awkward, not something she truly meant.
“So, do you want to sit down?” Lola suggested with a smirk on her face. Thankfully she left it at that though and you quickly sank down into a chair. You felt too embarrassed to look at Ana, so you completely missed the reassuring smile she sent your way.
After that things went much more smoothly, mostly because Lola and Ana carried the conversation, allowing you and Misa to remain in your preferred role, attentive listener. Your former teammate as well as your crush tried valiantly to draw you out of your shell, but out of fear of saying something stupid, you kept your answers as short as possible without being weird or unfriendly. If only you could think of something witty to say!
On the bright side your relative quietness gave you a good opportunity to study Ana. She was stunning as always, but you could easily spot the signs of the toll this move to the Atlético had taken on her; her smile wasn’t quite as wide as usual and didn’t reach her eyes, her voice was a little duller, there were badly covered up dark bags underneath her eyes and she was a bit more subdued than normal  in general. Man, you really had spent way too long looking at any video of her you could find to notice things like that!
Then all of the sudden Misa let out a gasp. “I completely forgot I promised my neighbor I’d let in her daughter today. I need to leave right now to make it.”
You frowned at your teammate; it wasn’t like her to forget something as important as that. Was something more than her unhappiness with being stuck at Real bothering her? You made a mental note to ask Misa about it the next day, remind her that you were always there if she needed someone.
Misa’s departure didn’t really change anything in the dynamic, she hadn’t contributed much just like you. But then Lola got a phone call from her girlfriend who apparently needed your former teammate urgently. She looked at the two of you apologetically, however you could swear that there was some glee shimmering behind her regretful front.
“You girls should stay here and enjoy the rest of the afternoon. Really I’m so sorry about this, don’t let it ruin your day,” Lola babbled, pressing a kiss to both your and Ana’s cheek before dashing out of the café.
You looked after her with confusion. The confusion however was short-lived, quickly drowned out by panic once you realized that you were now left alone with Ana. No more hiding behind other people, no more safety net. You weren’t ready. However leaving also wasn’t an option, there was no way you could do so without offending Ana, so you had to pull yourself together.
“I’m sorry about that,” Ana apologized, bringing your confusion back. As far as you were aware the Swiss woman had absolutely nothing to apologize for.
“They probably planned this because they think I need to be more social again. I wouldn’t be surprised if Jenni put them up to it, she’s been pretty worried,” the Swiss woman specified, leaving you reeling because you didn’t know how to deal with that much honesty.
“Oh,” you replied, praying that some more words would enter your brain. “Maybe they also did it for me. They think I’m pretty antisocial in general,” you finished, kicking yourself for making yourself look even more pathetic than you already did.
To your surprise Ana didn’t seem put off; on the contrary she chuckled and said, “Well we can be antisocial together then.”
The Swiss woman using the word ‘together’ in reference to the both of you made you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, you could definitely get used to that.
In an attempt to take control of the situation and not end up blurting out something stupid if Ana asked you a question, you inquired how she was liking Madrid so far. It seemed like a normal thing to ask someone that had just moved to a new place.
However the Swiss woman didn’t answer right away, which was atypical for her who always seemed to have a reply ready. That combined with the guarded look in her eyes made you realize that this wasn’t a safe and easy topic for her. In your rush to make sure nothing that would be complicated for you came up, you had totally forgotten that Ana’s own move to Madrid had been anything but a happy occurence. Way to be selfish!
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry. Forget I said anything, that was such a stupid thing to say,” you apologized frantically
“No, don’t worry, it’s fine,” Ana quickly reassured you. “I just don’t really know what to say. Obviously I didn’t want to come here, I miss Barcelona. Both the city and the team. So I’m not having the best time to be completely honest. Then again I also haven’t given Madrid much of a chance yet. So…”
The Swiss woman’s openness left you stunned once again. This could never be you, sharing your thoughts and feelings so freely. At the same time you noticed with a surge of excitement and dread that Ana’s explanation gave you a good opening, not unlike your daydreams in fact.
Your fear of being annoying and overstepping was battling hard against your longing to get to spend more time with the blonde in the future. In the end you decided to go for it, maybe Ana would appreciate it and if she didn’t want to hang out again, she could just say so. Of course there was still the fear of rejection holding you back, but you shoved that to the back of your mind. If you didn’t ask the answer would always be no, right?
“If you want to I could show you around Madrid sometime. I’ve lived here all my life so I know the place like the back of my hand and know some nice places. Totally fine if you don’t of course, I’m sure there are many other people that could show you around.”
You spoke in record speed, making it hard for Ana to follow, which was why it took her a moment to answer. These few seconds were some of the most horrible ones in your life. If she said no now all your hopes would be shattered once and for all. Everyone always said it was important to know so you could move on, but honestly if the Swiss woman didn’t want to spend any time with you, you didn’t want to know.
“That sounds great, I’d love to,” Ana replied once she had enough time to process your jumble of words.
“Really?” You double checked, the words out of your mouth before you could stop yourself.
“Yeah, definitely,” the Swiss woman confirmed with a gentle smile. A smile that you returned happily. You hadn’t felt this excited in a while, it was a nice change from the bleakness that had become your constant companion.
The rest of your time together was spent chatting easily. You weren’t a great conversationalist, however with Ana it came much more natural. The blonde definitely did the heavy lifting, but you were happy with your own contributions. You even made her laugh a few times!
Later that day when you were back in your apartment you were much more critical, taking apart every single thing that you had said and coming to the conclusion that you must be the stupidest person on the planet. Thankfully you were going to get another chance in a few days and this time you would be better prepared. You would say interesting things and you would make sure Ana had a great time. The blonde deserved some joy and happiness and you would do your best to give her that.
Before your next meeting with Ana you actually made a plan; you would make a list of her interests and think of possible questions, some jokes and interesting facts you could mention. You spent one evening on it, working furiously and then you realized what you were doing, feeling very foolish all of the sudden. You scrunched up the piece of paper and threw it into the trash with some force.
This was pointless and unnecessary and totally embarrassing! Maybe you weren’t the best at coming up with things to say on the spot, but rehearsing everything like this was a role in a play was stupid. The urge to do absolutely everything to get Ana to like you was huge, however is she only liked this carefully crafted version of you that wasn’t any better than her not liking you at all.
Also, you shouldn’t even attempt to get the Swiss woman to like you. Just like you should keep your own crush in check. Ana’s life was complicated enough at the moment, you didn’t need to add your infatuation into the mix.
Unfortunately your noble plan to ignore your crush failed miserably. Whenever you spent time with Ana you fell a little more for her. It was simply impossible not to when she was the kindest, funniest, most interesting and on top of that most beautiful person in the world.
Like when you were out and about on one of your strolls to the city and a young couple approached you, asking if you could take a picture of them. As was typical for you, you hesitated for a moment; not necessarily because you didn’t want to, but because your mind was already working in overdrive, supplying you with every possible negative outcome.
Ana on the other hand smiled at them. “Of course! Where do you want to take it?”
And then she proceeded to take several pictures of the two, showing them to the couple, and when they weren’t completely satisfied yet, she even offered her own suggestions on how they might turn out even better.
All the way you were just watching them, well mostly Ana, with a goofy smile. You loved how much she cared, how much effort she put into random people she didn’t even know. No wait, you didn’t love that, you liked that, admired it.
Or when Ana convinced you to go into a tiny café. A place you would have never frequented on your own because the intimacy of it freaked you out. Not the blonde though. Within seconds she began chatting with the owner, a middle-aged woman who was thrilled someone showed so much interest in her small establishment.
The cake you got was very tasty as was the coffee and the homemade ice tea. You were quick to admit that Ana had made a good decision by forcing you to go there.
However what really pulled at your heartstring was that the Swiss woman went up to the owner afterwards and asked if it was okay to post about this place on Instagram. The poor woman almost started crying out of happiness and thanked Ana profusely, while the blonde kept insisting that this was nothing and really it should be her thanking the owner.
So it was safe to say that you fell deeper and harder every time you saw Ana. But it was okay, you had a foolproof way to make sure that the blonde didn’t figure it out and therefore her life didn’t get disrupted because of you. Whenever you echoed a statement Ana had made about how much she liked hanging out with you or that she thought you were a great person, you always added ‘friend’ into the mix; “I enjoy hanging out with you too, you’re such a great friend.” and “Aw thank you. You’re one of the best people and friends I know too!”
Sometimes when you were feeling particularly hopeful you wondered if the lack of specification on Ana’s part meant that she liked you as more than a friend. You always discarded the idea quickly though. It was much more likely that the thought of being more than friends was so ludicrous to the blonde, something that had probbly never even grazed her mind, that she didn’t feel the need to explicitly state it.
Despite having to resign yourself to the fact that Ana didn’t like you like that, it still made you happy that she was usually in a good mood when you were hanging out. Something you were secretly very proud of. Still every once in a while her sadness shined through, for example when she heard someone speak Catalan or when she saw something that reminded her of Barcelona.
One time a group of fans came up to her. They were friendly and excited and the Swiss woman matched their energy effortlessly. But then one of them mentioned how sad they were that Ana wasn’t playing for Barça anymore. You were forced to watch the blonde deflate slightly after that thoughtless statement. She was good at pretending though, so the fans were none the wiser.
When they were gone you gathered all of your courage. Up until now you had stayed in the shallows of easy conversation so this was a first and once again you worried about overstepping. But when you saw Ana’s sad eyes and the forcefully pulled up corners of her mouth, you couldn’t stay silent.
“Do you want to talk about it? I mean your transfer from Barça? I know we haven’t really talked about that or othe serious things yet, but I’m always happy to listen. I’m actually pretty good at that.”
The Swiss woman sighed, rubbing a hand over her face.
“That’s very sweet but honestly I’ve been talking so much about it lately. Sometimes it feels like it’s the only thing anyone wants to talk about anymore. So if it’s okay with you could we just continue like before? The distraction has been helping a lot.”
You had been helping! Happiness flowed through you and your smile was maybe a bit bigger than was warranted for a situation like this. However unless Ana was studying you as intently as you always studied her, you doubted that the blonde would notice.
“Yeah, of course. I’m happy to help in anyway.”
Ana and you kept seeing each other regularly and it was the undisputed highlight of your current life. Honestly it was a little worrying how few other things brought you any joy, but you didn’t allow yourself to dwell on that.
So when you were put into a situation where you had to cancel on Ana you were devastated. It wasn’t an appropriate reaction to something so small, but you had a ten minute crying session until you could even begin to function properly again. Calling the Swiss woman was out of the question though, you were still chocked up and sniffling.
Instead you texted her, apologizing multiple times and explaining that you were roped into doing all sorts of things last minute for your father’s birthday tomorrow. You could have slapped yourself for not seeing this coming. Sure, your parents had assured you time and time again that everything was taken care of, but you should have known better. Then you could have done it before today and weren’t forced to cancel on Ana.
Only minutes after you had sent the text your phone started ringing with a call from the Swiss woman. With wide, panicked eyes you stared at the screen. In the end your desire to at least hear Ana’s voice if you couldn’t see her won out. Hopefully she wouldn’t notice anything.
 „Hey I just saw your text and wanted to ask if I can help out with anything.”
You smiled at your phone, your heart warmed by Ana’s kindness. There was no doubt in your mind that she would actually follow through on your offer. Not that you would ever take it.
“Aw thank you so much, Ana! But it’s okay really. Most things I have to do at my parents place anyway. You know help them clean and decorate. So I’ll be out most of the day, and then in the evening I’ll have to bake the cake. Who knows how that’s going to go.”
You chuckled, even if you were feeling slightly panicked at the idea of baking. Normally your mother was in charge of that, but she had broken her arm a few weeks ago, so that was out of the question. Moments like this made you wish that you had some siblings or some cousins for that matter, just anyone to help you out.
“Not to brag, but I’m actually a great baker. So if you want some help, I’m happy to come over in the evening and help,” the blonde offered.
It would be nice to have some help, and you always wanted to see Ana. Plus she had brought up the idea of her own accord, so surely it was okay, right?
“That would be great actually. Thank you so much,” you replied, not giving your mind any more opportunity to drive yourself crazy.
Ana and you quickly planned everything out before you hung up and left to do everything else. With the prospect of seeing the Swiss woman later today you were a lot more cheerful than before.
“What’s got you so happy?” Your mother asked you while she supervised the decorating process.
It was incredibly frustrating since she kept criticizing everything you did. Every few minutes you had to step away for a moment, take some deep breaths and visualize how your evening with Ana would be, full of laughter and fun conversation.
“Not this, that’s for sure,” you muttered, low enough so that your mothers whose hearing wasn’t the best anymore, couldn’t here you.
“What?”
“Nothing,” you said louder, “I’m just in a good mood, I guess.”
There was no point in bringing up Ana. Nothing would ever happen between the two of you and even after knowing about it for almost ten years your parents still struggled with your sexuality. To avoid unnecessary conflict and awkwardness you never spoke about women you liked unless it was something serious. So never.
“You should focus on decorating and not smile so much. Maybe then we would get somewhere.”
You rolled your eyes, but kept your mouth shut. No point in pointing out that most parents would be happy if their child was happy. And it wasn’t like your mother wasn’t happy about it, she just wasn’t good at being pleasant around you. Somehow she always felt the need to criticize you.
Hours later you got into your car, quickly drove away and as soon as you were a decent distance from your parents’ house you let out a loud scream, releasing all of the built up frustration. Then you set your focus on the near future, on the fact that you would be meeting Ana in half an hour at your apartment. Baking wasn’t really your thing, but baking with the Swiss sounded like a lot of fun. Anything was fun with her really; just being around her made you so happy.
When you got to your apartment Ana was already waiting for you, leaning against her car. A big smile appeared on the blonde’s face when she saw you and she waved at you happily. It warmed your insides, swept away any remnant of frustration from the long day with your parents, seeing how excited Ana was to see you.
You got set up quickly, putting out all the ingredients and opening up the recipe you had settled on. Then you turned to the Swiss woman expectantly.
“So any baking pro tips from you before we start?” You asked teasingly.
Ana looked at you sheepishly.
“To be completely honest I don’t really know that much about baking. I usually only bake once a year to make some Christmas cookie,” the blonde admitted, scratching her nose.
You frowned at her in confusion. This didn’t really make any sense to you, but you didn’t want to make Ana feel bad about it.
“So why did you say you did?” You asked carefully. „I mean only if you want to tell me, it’s totally fine if you don’t. I’m sure you had your reasons.”
The Swiss woman blushed a little as she explained herself, “I really just wanted to spend some time with you today.”
Your heart started racing at this confession, your hopes going through the roof.  It didn’t take long for the logical part of your brain to bring you back to earth though. Surely this didn’t mean what you wanted it to mean. Most likely Ana was just struggling today and didn’t want to be alone.
“Oh I’m sorry you’re having a hard time today. You know you can always tell me that and if it’s possible at all I’ll always make time for you. You don’t have to make up reasons to hang out.”
Ana stared at you with a pained expression. It hurt your heart to see her in pain and it made you wonder if something had happened today, perhaps something that reminded her of Barcelona?
“Do you want to talk about it?” You asked when the blonde stayed quiet, but then you thought better of it. “Wait no I’m sorry, you already said that you’re tired of talking about it before and that you prefer a distraction. So let’s bake!”
You put some extra excitement into your voice and made sure to keep up a stream of easy chatter as you got to work. For a while Ana remained a bit distant and quiet, but before too long her smile returned and she began talking and joking.
When the blonde laughed loudly at a joke you had made you felt very proud of yourself for giving Ana what she needed, a distraction. If you continued to be helpful she would keep wanting to hang out with you and that was also very much in your interest. Even if the knowledge that it meant something else to you hurt somewhat every time you thought of it.
However it was all worth it to get to spend time with Ana. Everything was worth that.
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billwidoll · 3 days
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𝐑𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐠e
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It was Christmas Eve, and you were happy and excited. Your life was perfect. After adolescence, everything got better for you. You married a successful man, and had two wonderful children.
And his family was having a beautiful and luxurious supper
You didn't have to complain about anything. But one thing haunted you, when you were seventeen, you dated a twenty year old man named Rafe Cameron. Your relationship was totally toxic, but the important thing was that you loved each other. But there was a day when you couldn't handle this relationship, and you ran away from Rafe's house without him noticing.
You knew that if you told him you wanted to break up, he might be able to kidnap you and take you captive. So you ran far away and to this day Rafe has never found you. Good so far...
"baby, I'm going to get the box of wine from the car"
You tell your husband, who was talking to some friends
"baby, there's no need, why don't you send some of the security guards to do it?"
Your husband says, having his full attention on you. You roll your eyes and give a small smile.
"I'll do it myself, okay? I'll be fine, what could happen?"
And so, you did, you left the house where you lived, and went to the car that wasn't too far from the house. You got to the car and opened the trunk, but the box of wine wasn't there. So you assumed you were in the passenger seat
When you got into the car, you didn't see any box of wines there, so you were about to leave, until you saw in the car's rear view mirror, a look behind the car. And you knew very well who that look was from
"Hello my princess"
Rafe spoke with a deep and hoarse voice, and with an empty look. You immediately tried to get out of the car, but Rafe was faster, putting a cloth over your mouth and pinning you against the passenger seat.
And little by little, you lost the consequence, with Rafe's gaze glued to your eyes.
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You woke up dizzy, with weak eyes, weak legs and your heart racing for hours. Your mind was still trying to figure out where you were, and how that happened so quickly.
When your eyes opened, you came across a small and cramped place, and there were several fisherman's things, you also felt as if the ground was shaking, and that place only had one Very small window.
"HELP!" You screamed, your head throbbing in pain "please! Someone help me!"
You scream even louder, and you realize there's a chain around your wrists, you weren't going to get it that easy.
But suddenly, you see someone opening the door, where you were. And he, he looks like a devil
"Hello princess....did you miss me?" Rafe speaks with a satisfying smile Your eyes fill with tears
Rafe looked different, he had cut his hair and seemed stronger and more confident.
"why? !" You scream to yourself, wondering how Rafe found you after years.
Rafe approaches you, and he touches your face gently. He didn't want to scare you but it was difficult
"because I love you, I loved you yesterday, I love you today and I will love you tomorrow"
Rafe says with a sadistic smile and you spit in his face
"I hate you!! You separated me from my children! From my husband!!!" You scream like a lion
Rafe gets angry when he remembers the ridiculous family you created after abandoning him. Rafe grabs his jaw and holds it.
"I loved you, long before these people came into your life! And I hope you love me, but they do"
Rafe says, clenching his jaw tightly.
"I don't love you, I stopped loving you years ago" you say in a whisper, dying of hate
Rafe saw that he had to scare you, for you to see what he was capable of doing.
"Do you want to play with me? You'll play with me better."
Rafe says, getting up furiously, leaving the small room where you were.
At that moment it made you distressed, and Rafe was crazy and you knew it.
It was exactly one minute that Rafe returned to where you were. And he comes back with his ring and an iron.
"what will you do?"
You speak with desperate eyes, and Rafe unlocks the chains, which were back on your wrist.
Rafe grabbed your arm and abruptly pulled you towards the exit of the little room. And you realized it was a ship. Rafe throws you around Fireplace
"Rafe....please! Don't hurt me! For my children!" You scream expecting the worst
Rafe takes his ring and puts it on the iron, And then he puts the iron in the fireplace and they stay there for 30 seconds.
When he takes it off he grabs your arm roughly and tries to put the hot ring on your arm.
"Rafe!!! Please stop!!!" you say struggling, but it didn't take long for Rafe to put it on your arm
And the pain was so strong, that there were no tears that could fall because of that pain.
"Do you remember the ring my father gave me, when we were still dating? It had the initial, the letters R and C"
Rafe speaks making you look at his arm, which had the initials R and C. Which was Rafe Cameron
Rafe carries you on his lap, knowing you were in a lot of pain, so he takes you to his room on the ship, which was probably his.
Rafe places you on his soft bed and examines you closely.
"Why Rafe? Why are you doing all this to me?" You speak with red eyes and your head down, you were already suffering too much.
"When you abandoned me...I fell into drugs, and became an alcoholic, I had nothing left to live for"
Rafe speaks and you listen attentively
"but later, I discovered that my father had passed away, and... I was the heir, who would own everything"
He continues to tell the story.
"and I decided to give up drugs and drinking and become a real loan, so I decided to look for you"
He says, running his hands over your face, giving you an almost friendly smile.
"but...I already have a family Rafe...couldn't you just move on?" You say crying once again.
"no, my love, you are the woman of my life! I fucking love you" Rafe says, changing a little but he takes a deep breath and continues
"I didn't bring you here just to have you for myself again, but to make you suffer all the evil I suffered because of you!"
Rafe says, pressing the place where you were hurt by him, And it makes you scream in pain.
"Welcome, The Revenge"
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storytowrite · 18 hours
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|The FINE Art ~ Hwang Hyunjin|
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Theme: Art Student! Hyunjin x Y/N
Warnings: mention of nudity, smut, 18+, unprotected sex, the age gap Y/N is 15 years older than Hyunjin.
Word Count: 5257
Summary: Life wasn’t easy for you. You lost your job, lost your husband who remarried and took everything away leaving you only with an old, sick cat. You desperately needed money. Thankfully, your friend is an art teacher and your body is quite tempting. Especially for the young, talented student.
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“I’m sorry ma’am, but the cat needs surgery if you want it to live longer. We cannot wait long.” The vet said his verdict. Your old cat, Lemon, was ill, and you knew that. The thing was that you didn’t have enough money and you were in a really bad situation. 
“How much is for the surgery?” You asked. 
“It will cost about $3000 in total with all the care.” The vet answered your question and you sighed heavily. Why on Earth does it cost so much?! And more importantly - how will you gather all the money needed? 
“All right… If that’ll help him, please do everything you can. I can’t lose him too.” You said tiredly. 
“We’ll do everything we can to save this little boy.” The vet smiled at you honestly. 
You nodded and left your cat at the vet’s clinic. It wasn’t a good timing for such expenses, but you had to do everything you could to just save your animal. You sighed heavily once again. The previous week was hard and now this. Your life was a mess. You lost the job, since your boss decided to hire “some younger girls” and you were simply too old in his eyes. 
The divorce process was finally over. But unfortunately your ex-husband took everything he could, including your apartment. Because of this, you had to move in with your friend, at least until you get back on your feet again. Fortunately, Lina was happy to help you. 
You returned home wasted and without your cat, which you left at the veterinary clinic. You wanted to cry. Earning $3,000 in a short time seemed unrealistic. Well, because how to do it? 
"Oh Y/N are you back already?" Asked Lina peering at you from above another artwork she was working on. "Everything ok baby?" 
"No, nothing is ok. Lemon needs surgery and I don't have that much money to pay for it. And I still can't find a job. Everything is falling apart for me." You sat down heavily on the couch. "And I also need to find an apartment and..." 
"Woah, slow down honey. I don't mind your company. You and Lemon can stay with me as long as you need, after all, you know that.... And as for work, I think I have an idea." She smiled slightly at you. You knew that kind of smile from Lina's genre of brilliant ideas. 
"Oh no, why do I feel like I'm going to regret this?" You asked, looking at your friend. 
"Don't exaggerate, it's nothing like that.... Besides, we'll both benefit from it." 
"Fine, what's the idea?" You asked, slightly curious. 
"Great... you'll love it!" She clapped her hands. 
After an hour of talking to your friend and her persuading you, you finally agreed to help her with her little project. Lina was a drawing teacher in the art department, and her students were just starting to learn how to sketch real people. They needed a model for this, since the topic was THE FEMALE BODY. 
At first you had a lot of concerns. Lina wanted you to pose nude in front of a group of some of her top students. You had huge objections to this. You didn't feel like showing your body to strangers in their twenties. But you had no choice. The deal was simple, 10 sessions at $300 each, for a maximum of five hours per class. That is, two weeks of work. You were able to do it, right? 
"I don't know Lina, I have to think about it..." You said, glancing at her. 
"Just don't make me wait too long for your answer.... Besides, you have a beautiful body for our age, so what's the problem?" She asked lightly. 
"What do you mean what's the problem? I'm supposed to show off to a group of 20-year-olds? After all, they are children!" 
"Honey, these are young adults. Besides, they are just a few people. I'd rather pay you than some strangers. Think of Lemon. He needs this operation.... And if you prove yourself, who knows? Maybe I'll hire you permanently?" She persuaded you further. 
" Oh, hell no... I'll find a job, eventually." You replied quickly. "But fine. I'll take part in it..." You agreed, sighing heavily. "Just so I don't regret it..." 
"Believe me, you won't and you'll even like it!" She replied excitedly. "We'll start first thing tomorrow morning! Prepare yourself properly, you know, shave and.... " 
"Okay, I'll prepare properly.... Anything else?" You asked in a tired voice, interrupting her sentence. 
"Hm... take some clothes to change into.... And well, put on some nice underwear. Tomorrow we start with the upper body. The students will sketch your torso and breasts above all. Well, and tie your hair in a ponytail, it will be easier to see your collarbones.... But that's at ease, I'll tell you everything exactly tomorrow." She grinned. "Go rest, I still have to finish here." 
You sighed heavily and went straight to the bathroom, following your friend's directions. You still weren't convinced about the idea, but the situation forced you to do so. You felt stress above all. You may have had a nice, fit body, but you certainly weren't used to showing it to strangers. 
After a long and warm shower, you headed to your bedroom, where you fell asleep rather quickly. The next day would be a very long one... 
The next day you got up early, got dressed and did light makeup. You left your hair loose, for now at least. Later you'll tie it up in a ponytail. Your friend had already been bustling around in the kitchen since morning. 
"Good morning! Ready for today's challenges?" Asked a delighted Lina. 
"Mhm, I won't be any more than I am." You muttered uneasily. 
"Oh grumpy... Come on, or we'll be late." Lina didn't seem to mind your dissatisfaction. 
"And breakfast?" You asked. 
"We don't have time... you'll get something on the spot." Your friend waved her hand and pulled you with her to the exit. You left her apartment and headed for the car. The trip to the university didn't take long, but you were getting more and more stressed with each passing moment. No wonder, after all, you will be posing naked.... 
You entered the university and headed straight to the room where the classes would be held. Lina showed you everything inside and once again reminded you what to do and how to do it. Your task was quite simple. All you had to do was show some breasts and sit still on a stool for a good couple of hours. 
The students began to fill the room, and you heard Lina greeting them cheerfully. You sighed quietly. It's going to be a long couple of hours. 
"Dear students, I have a little surprise for you today." You heard your friend's words. "A good friend of mine has agreed to get herself acquainted with us. As I said, you will learn sketching on a living organism.... Y/N come join us and show yourself to our students." 
You took a deeper breath and stepped out from behind the screen. You stressed all over. You stood in the middle, right next to your friend, trying not to catch eye contact with any of the students in the room. 
You quickly swept your eyes around the room. There were eight students in the classroom, three girls and five boys. They looked rather uninterested. You glanced out of the corner of your eye at Lina, who continued her argument. 
"Y/N will be our model today. Please be nice to her, she has never done this before. Today we'll take care of the upper body. Your task is to reproduce Y/N's torso and breasts. We sketch from the neck until we reach this point." Lina showed them exactly how much to sketch. "Y/N honey, take off your top and bra and sit on the stool. Do any of you have any questions?" 
The students did not answer Lina's question. You, on the other hand, with slightly trembling hands, undressed from the waist up and sat on the stool. Your friend even gave you a pillow to make you more comfortable. 
"Great, push your breasts out a little more and..." Lina began to correct your positioning. "Perfect! Okay darlings, you can begin." 
The group of students got down to sketching. You swept your eyes around the room. Everyone was focused to make the best possible representation of your body. Lina walked among the students and glanced at their progress. 
Time passed quickly. The students worked in silence. None of them had spoken a word since they entered the room. They were focused on the task at hand. 
One of the men present in the room caught your attention. You had never seen such a handsome man before. He had noble features, his hair was slightly longer and black. He had an earring under his eyebrow, and a black leather jacket perfectly framed his body. 
You swallowed your saliva. The man looked like a prince, and there was plenty of finesse and elegance in his movements. You honestly couldn't take your eyes off him. There was something about him that attracted you to him, something magnetic that you could not describe in words. 
The man in question noticed your gaze. It was as if he sensed that you were looking at him. He raised his gaze slightly, looking deeply into your eyes, and gently raised his eyebrow. You felt a blush appear on your face and your throat suddenly became dry. A strange feeling welled up in your lower abdomen as he smiled slightly and winked at you. 
"All right my dears. Let's take a break for a while." Lina suddenly announced, breaking the silence that had prevailed. "Let's let Y/N stretch her legs.... Come back here in 15 minutes and we'll continue." 
The students put down their sketches and began to leave the room for the break, and Lina handed you a sweatshirt to cover yourself. She smiled warmly at you in the process. 
"Well? Not so bad, huh?" She asked. 
"It's fine... Although I was stressed." You replied and took a sip of water. "Your students aren't very talkative, are they?" 
"As artists are." 
"I thought there would be more students in the room." You said, sipping water again. 
"Nah, I have a small group. But they are the best of the best.... You could say it's such a VIP class." Lina laughed. "You know, it's an extra class for the more ambitious ones." 
"Oh, now I understand..." You nodded, and your thoughts fled to the mysterious boy with an earring under his eyebrow. 
"Would you like to take a peek at the sketches? The students really sketched your body very well..." Lina took one sketchbook in her hand, belonging to the boy you were looking at. "Oh look, Hyunjin did it the best. That boy can perfectly render every detail.... He's my top-of-the-class student." She smiled proudly. So the boy's name was Hyunjin. 
"Wow... This is amazing." You said, sincerely impressed by the way Hyunjin rendered all the details. He even sketched the delicate birthmark you had under your breast. 
"Right?" Lina asked. "If you ask Hyunjin nicely, he might give you his sketch..." She winked. "He has a real talent, and by the way he looks like Aphrodite herself conceived him. He could be a model, but there's a rule at the university that students can't pose, which is a shame..." She sighed quietly. "I myself sometimes wish I could see..." 
"Lina! This is your student..." reprimanded your friend. 
"I know, that's why I leave some things only in dreams." She laughed quietly. "Hungry? I'll get you something to eat." As she said, so she did, quickly leaving the room.
You sighed softly and your stomach growled. Not eating breakfast before leaving was a mistake. You glanced at your watch. The break was slowly coming to an end and your friend had not yet returned with the promised food. In turn, students slowly began to return to the room.
"Hungry?" You suddenly heard a voice behind you. You turned to look at the owner. In front of you stood Hyunjin, who was a head taller than you. He smiled slightly and handed you a banana. "Eat... you've got another 2.5 hours of sitting ahead of you."
“T-Thank you…” You said, taking the banana from him and peeling it right away.
"You welcome... I wanted to say that you have really beautiful breasts." He said, looking you straight in the eye. "I can't wait for the next few days to see the rest."
"Oh thank you?" You replied slightly confused and blushed slightly.
"Nothing." Hyunjin winked at you. 
"Okay, guys! We can get back to work!" Lina called as she entered the room. "Y/N, please sit down the same way you sat before. Perfect! Remember, there are 2.5 hours left until the end of time. At the end of the day, you should have at least five sketches."
Everyone went back to work. The banana Hyunjin gave you, calmed your stomach for a while. You sighed quietly, sitting half-naked on the stool. Honestly, you were counting down the minutes until the end. 
Every now and then you found yourself staring at Hyunjin, who was working intently on the sketches of your body. You couldn't take your eyes off him. He was too handsome to resist. You didn't even feel that time had passed quickly. 
Lina announced the end of class and let you get dressed. Students slowly began to file out of the room. You watched them leave, saying a quiet 'goodbye'. Your friend approached you after everyone else had left the room."You were great today." She grinned. 
"I'm taking you to dinner, come on! And mentally prepare for tomorrow. We'll show them a little more... Can you handle it?"
"Yes, I think I can... Although I don't know if I want to show them everything." You started.
"Well, tomorrow's plan is legs... you can have a thong, we'll move on to the private parts at the end of the week, and next week we'll have poses... Well, I think you should be able to handle everything easily." Lina continued.
“Mhm, if you say so…” You muttered. The prospect of showing your private parts to students didn't make you feel optimistic, but when you thought about Hyunjin, it didn't sound so bad either...
—-------------------
The week flew by very quickly. The students tried to accurately portray all the details of your body on paper. On Friday, the last day of the first week, there was a class on sketching 'private body parts', as Lina called it. And that meant you had to show your vagina. 
The thought of this did not fill you with any optimism at all. You didn't want to expose yourself so much in front of the students, but Lina forced it on you. To be fair, she did suggest that she would pay you more for the day, so with a slight hesitation you agreed. 
You sat in the room wrapped only in a silk dressing gown and waited for the class to start. Your friend went to talk to the dean, leaving you alone. You sighed quietly and stuck your gaze into your phone, trying to calm your thoughts. 
Hyunjin entered the room, but you were so busy with your social media that you didn't notice his presence. The boy walked over to his stand and unpacked all the necessary items before turning towards you. 
"Hi pretty." He said in a velvety voice, snapping you out of your activity. "What are you going to show us today?" He asked and winked slightly. 
"Ekhm... Private parts." You replied feeling a little intimidated, looking up at him. 
"And you're convinced about that?" He asked. "You look confused and scared." 
"Well, it's certainly quite a step out of my comfort zone.... But I can't back down now." You answered honestly. 
"I understand... If it's any comfort to you, I'll try to replicate everything very accurately." He smiled.
"Thanks I guess..." She grunted. "I've seen your work before. You have great talent," he said. 
"Thank you, beautiful." He smiled warmly at you. "But the credit goes to the model I sketch." He winked, and a blush appeared on your cheeks. "It suits you this colour, you know? I wish I could paint a picture of you. In a red see-through nightgown.... What do you think?" 
"A painting?" You blinked, not expecting such a proposal. "I don't know..." 
"I have to create a portfolio for the final exam.... I've already painted three paintings of my friends, but I still have one left. And you are beautiful. I'll pay." He replied, watching your reaction. 
"I have to think about it..." You replied, but didn't finish the sentence because he walked in on you in mid-word. 
"I understand." He replied and wrote something down on a piece of paper. " Here, this is my phone number, if you make a decision, just text me..." He handed you a small piece of paper with the number on it. "Just don't make me wait too long for an answer, lovely." 
"R-right." You replied and hid his number in a safe place. 
The rest of the students entered the room, along with your friend, who smiled broadly at you. She welcomed the students and gave them the guidelines for the assignment. 
"Well Y/N. Sit with your hands behind your back and push your chest forward a little too. And spread your legs..." She said to you and helped you adjust your position. "My dears, you may begin. "
Sitting apart in front of a group of people has not been one of the most comfortable activities in your life. However, you didn't pay much attention to it yourself. Your thoughts were consumed with Hyunjin's proposal. Should you accept it? He said he would pay, and so far there was no indication that you would find a job.... 
You decided to give it a chance and agree to his proposal. After all, it's just another day's work as a "model." You survived a whole week in front of students, you'll survive being alone with Hyunjin too. 
Before you knew it, the class was over and the students had left the room, and you were free to get dressed. Lina was still talking to individuals while you typed Hyunjin's number into your phone. You made up your mind and as soon as he left the room, you texted him. 
[Y/N]
Ok. I agree.... When do you want to do it? ~ Y/N
[Hyunjin] 
Wonderful news sweetheart! Let's meet tomorrow evening at my place. Remember, red nightgown 😘
 He wrote back almost immediately. You swallowed your saliva. What are you actually doing? 
—-------------------
The next day you went to the address Hyunjin sent you in a text message. You were stressed. You didn't know what it should look like or how long it would take. Your body trembled and your mind wandered into dangerous territory. You felt both apprehension and excitement about the whole situation. 
You stood in front of the door of his apartment. You took a few deep breaths and knocked gently. You waited, listening for the sound of footsteps. After a while, the young man opened the door for you and let you in with a smile. 
"I'm glad you agreed." He said, taking over your coat from you. "Make yourself comfortable... Would you like something to drink before we start? Coffee? Tea? Water? Maybe wine?" 
"Water is enough... Although I won't actually despise wine either." You replied and timidly entered his living room. 
The room was large, definitely bigger than your friend's entire apartment. Not surprising, after all, Hyunjin lived in one of the more expensive neighbourhoods in your city. The white leather furniture, laced with gold accessories, perfectly matched the aura that this man was producing. Everything seemed truly royal. 
"Wow." You gasped in awe. 
"Do you like it? My parents made sure I was comfortable in the city.... Would you like a tour of the apartment?" He asked, handing you a glass of red wine. 
"I'd love to... If I can, of course." You accepted the drink from him and took a sip. 
The boy showed you his entire apartment. He had three bedrooms, but he had transformed one into a studio, and the other was used as a dressing room. 
"Okay, ready for us to start?" He asked as you walked through the apartment.
"I think so." You replied hesitantly.
"Great!" He smiled broadly. "Come on, I'll paint you in the studio... I'll get everything ready and you can go and change in the bathroom. Leave when you're ready. It'll take me a while to paint though... It'll take all weekend, actually. But like I said, I'll pay. $1000 is enough?"
"H-how much?" You were stunned when you heard the amount he gave.
“If it's not enough, just tell me…” He replied, watching you.
"Not enough? I didn't expect it to be so much..." You started. "It's too much…"
"Hmm... I don't think so." He shrugged. "We'll talk about it later... You can go change in the bathroom now and I'll set everything ready here." He said, unimpressed.
“Sure…” You replied and headed to the bathroom.  $1000 to pose? You were shocked. How much money does this young man actually have? 
After a few minutes you were ready. You looked at your reflection in the mirror. You were wearing a slightly see-through red nightgown that hugged your body perfectly and highlighted all your curves. You decided to leave your hair down, but you put a small decoration in it. You fixed your delicate makeup and went out to Hyunjin.
"Wow, you look amazing." He said as soon as he noticed you. "Like I said, this colour suits you very well."
"Thank you." You replied, slightly embarrassed.
"Okay, you can lie down." He pointed to a small sofa in the center of the room. "I would like you to lie down comfortably, and if you want to sleep, just close your eyes. The only thing that matters is that you stay in the position I put you in."
“Sure, I can do it…” You replied and followed his directions. You settled into a comfortable position on the sofa and Hyunjin stood over you. He leaned down gently and positioned your body. His touch was pleasant. You felt the nice warmth radiating from his body.
"Perfect." He said and smiled contentedly. "Okay, let's get started. If you want a break then say so." 
Hyunjin began to paint. You lay there without moving, watching his every move. You began to wonder how it was that your life had brought you to the point where you were. 
Hyunjin painted in concentration, and there was silence between the two of you. You didn't seem to mind. You felt your eyelids become heavy and you didn't even know when you fell asleep. 
You woke up after some time and stretched slightly. It was already twilight outside. You looked around the room you were in. Hyunjin was nowhere to be found. You stood up and stretched your stagnant body again. You were curious to see how Hyunjin's progress was going, but before you could get closer to the painting, the door of the room opened. 
"Oh, you're awake already." Hyunjin smiled slightly. "Hungry? Come, I've prepared dinner." 
Only when the boy mentioned food did you feel that you were actually hungry. You followed him into the kitchen, where delicious smells were coming from. 
"You are handsome, you paint and you cook. Is there anything you can't do?" You asked, sitting down at the table. Hyunjin glanced at you laughing. 
"Thank you for the compliment, beautiful." He winked, at which you blushed. He served you dinner and you began to eat. 
"Enough with the painting for today, it's late." Hyunjin said. "If you want, you can stay the night.... We'll start again first thing tomorrow morning anyway." 
"I don't want to get..." You started. 
"But that's not up for discussion." He interrupted you in mid-sentence. "It's late, I don't want you to go home when it's dark outside.... I'll prepare a bed for you." 
"Hyunjin, but really..." You started again but his one look left you unsure what to say next. "Okay. I'll stay the night." 
"Great." He smiled at you. "Come on, I'll give you something to sleep on..." 
" You know, after all, I can sleep in what I'm wearing." You replied while watching him. 
"Believe me, if you stay in this red nightgown, I won't hold back."  He replied with full seriousness. 
"Oh..." You made a sound. " All right..." 
You followed him to his dressing room, which occupied the other room. Hyunjin walked over to a cabinet and pulled out an oversized hoodie and handed it to you. "It should fit." He smiled slightly. 
"Thank you." You replied with a slight smile. "I'll take a shower." 
Hyunjin nodded and you parted the rooms. You went to the bathroom to take a quick shower, and a pleasant feeling once again settled in your lower abdomen. Hyunjin, on the other hand, was in the bedroom preparing a place for you to sleep. 
After some time, you came out of the bathroom in his hoodie. You could smell his perfume lingering on his clothes. You smiled slightly, to yourself. His scent was so soothing. 
"Do you like the smell?" You suddenly heard his voice behind you, at which you jumped slightly. 
"Y-yes." You stuttered, at which the boy smiled. 
"I have to say, no matter what you're wearing, you're every bit as beautiful." He said, walking closer to you. "I like you Y/N." 
"Thank you, I guess..." You took a gentle step back unsure of where this conversation was leading. 
"When I say I like you, I really mean it." Hyunjin leaned slightly over you and brushed lightly against your waist. You swallowed your saliva as you looked straight into his eyes, your back resting against the wall. Hyunjin was leaning with his hand right next to your head and his body was leaning against yours. You bit your lip slightly and gently moved your legs, feeling yourself slowly getting wet. The situation you found yourself in was definitely not on your bingo card. 
"Hyunjin, we don't..." You began, trying to keep up any semblance of a smile yet. However, his closeness and magnetic scent were too tempting to resist. 
"Shhhsh." The boy moved his thumb over your swollen lips. "You don't even realise how sexy you look right now." He whispered in your ear while biting your earlobe, which was met with a quiet sigh that left your lips. You felt his gentle smile as he moved closer to your neck and gently moved his velvety lips across it. "You like it." He stated, observing your reaction to his touch. "I wonder if you'll like this too." He added and moved his hands a little lower, slipping them under the hoodie. 
"Hyunjin, it's not..." You started, but feeling his long fingers glide across your skin, leaving goosebumps on it, you were unable to control your senses. Hyunjin's lips attacked your neck more boldly, and you tilted your head further back so he could have better access. 
Hyunjin glided his lips along your neck looking for weak spots, and once he found them, he immediately started leaving red hickeys in those spots, which was met with your moans of approval. 
You rested your hands on his torso, and the young man delicately lifted you up, grabbing your buttocks. You put your legs around his waist as his lips found their way right to yours. 
"I want you." He whispered, brushing his lips lightly against yours. "And I know you want me too. Say it." 
"Please." You said quietly. 
"You're asking? For what?" He asked backing away slightly which was met with your disapproval. 
"Kiss me, please." You moaned pleadingly. Hyunjin smiled at you and pressed his lips into yours. His kiss was firm and forceful, but that's what you liked best. You moaned blissfully into his mouth as he grabbed your buttocks tighter. Hyunjin took this as a sign of approval and carried you to his bedroom. 
Hyunjin put you on the bed immediately, finding himself above you. His knee came between your legs pressing lightly on your spot. He leaned over a little more and cupped your hoodie with his hands. 
"You are phenomenal." He said, watching you. His hands moved over every bare patch of your body, exploring every inch of it. Following his hands, Hyunjin placed you on the bed immediately finding himself over you. His knee came between your legs pressing lightly on your spot. He leaned over a little more and cupped your hoodie with his hands. His hands moved over every bare patch of your body, exploring every inch of it. His hands were followed by his lips, which also explored your body. He left wet footprints in his path, interspersed with huge hickeys. 
You moaned blissfully when his lips found their way to your lower abdomen. You felt his smile against your skin. Hyunjin gently spread your legs and moved his hand over your core. Your reaction encouraged him to continue. 
He bit lightly on the inside of your thighs, which was met with your slight jump. His strong hands, however, held your body as his mouth took up your pussy, embracing it completely. 
You moaned loudly and slid your hand into his hair. You pulled his hair gently as his tongue penetrated your insides, melting with pleasure. 
Hyunjin drove you to pleasure, and your body arched in an accompaniment of moans. The young man licked and returned his lips to your mouth, kissing you. You immediately responded to his kiss, hungry for his velvety lips. 
Your hands moved over his body. You wanted to get rid of his clothes as quickly as possible. Hyunjin laughed quietly. 
"So eager, huh? Patience darling, be good and you'll get what you deserve." He said amused and helped you undress himself. Once he was standing naked, you moved your hands over his penis, which was already ready for use. "I don't have condoms..." The boy began. 
" Doesn't matter, I want to feel you, now, right now, please!" You moaned needily. 
"I like the way you are asking." He snarled quietly and slid his full length into you. 
"Oh yes!" You whined loudly and moved your hands down his back as he began to move. 
His movements became faster and less precise. He went deep, perfectly attacking your g-spot. Your and his moans filled the entire room.
"Hyunjin! I…" You started digging your nails into his soft skin.
"Come on baby, cum for me." He groaned loudly. "Fuck!"
"I'm cumming!" You moaned loudly, clenching around him. 
A few seconds later, you felt warmth spreading through your insides. Hyunjin collapsed on top of you after a moment, his head resting between your full breasts. You were both breathing heavily.
“You are my muse." He murmured after a while. "Be my muse forever?"
"With pure pleasure." You replied quietly, gently stroking his back, making him smile.
"You know what? You are the FINE art." He said. "My muse."
And After an eventful night, you both fell asleep cuddling together.
-> Masterlist
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thephooka · 1 day
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Happy Webcomic Day! My webcomic White Noise is a labor of love--according to Procreate, this page took me 15.5 hours to complete.* Here's a look into that process!
Some other notes:
The thumbnails are done on graph paper and I script while I do them--there is no separate written script for White Noise. I usually spent a couple hours on weekends as needed thumbnailing, sometimes at a coffee shop or at home listening to records.
I then set up the file in Photoshop, so I can lay in the text and use the template I have with bleeds already set up. The text is rasterized and I shuttle the file over to my iPad via Airdrop.
The bulk of the actual work is done in Procreate, which records timelapses that I sometimes share to my Patreon. I usually spend a couple hours most nights after my day job or on the bus commuting doing this.
Once everything art-wise is done, I shuttle the file back over to my desktop to re-set in the text, add a stroke around the speech bubbles (Procreate doesn't have that took fsr) and do the resizing/exporting for web.
On Sunday mornings I get up, queue the page and write the page descriptions. I don't spend any time on the page descriptions outside of that.
Also, this process goes for the whole first arc of White Noise. I'm done with that arc (which means you can binge the whole thing I'm js!!) and am experimenting with some different methods these days, but my workflow is still generally the same.
*Some more talk about the labor (and burnout) involved below the cut:
This particular page (and most of the pages I did in 2023) took a lot longer than normal because I was heading into a burnout period that I'm still lowkey in/recovering from. It's obvious to me now in retrospect watching the timelapse here and seeing how much noodling I'm doing and how much I'm struggling with the process, but at the time I was just very frustrated generally. When I'm not burned tf out pages take maybe 10 hours max.
2023 was a pretty stressful year--lots of big life changes, uncertainty, pet death, health issues--so it's no wonder it propelled me into burnout, but it just goes to show that even the slowest and steadiest pace is not sustainable forever. I've been doing one page a week following this general process for over a decade! And I stuck to that pace because I knew it was one I could maintain. But even so, by the end of this arc I found myself working more and more slowly, not really looking forward to the work, feeling anxious about being behind, unhappy with the finished work, and extremely annoyed with myself for not being able to give it my all right there at the finish line.
I did stop for a while after the epilogue and took a more or less complete break from drawing for about a month--the longest I have EVER gone without drawing, much less working on White Noise--which did help, but these days my ability to work is...inconsistent. I should probably take another total break, but I'm reluctant. What if my passion never comes back? What if people forget about WN? It's already pretty obscure, and with the general social media collapse, it's harder than ever to get people to read my work. Now that I've left Hiveworks, WN doesn't even get the benefit of being linked to other comics (although objectively very, very few readers actually got referred to my comic that way.) And frankly, I'm also just too proud to go too long without comic updates. I've always told myself, I might not be the best artist or the fastest worker or make a popular comic, but I'm consistent. Difficult to let that go.
This is all to say that webcomics are hard. We do them because we love them, we have stories to tell, we are seized with the human compulsion to create. We spend hours of our time, almost always on top of the paying work that allows us to eat, to make something that we then give away for free. It has consequences on us that the reader doesn't often see, no matter how careful we are about it. If you ask me, webcomics deserve to be valued more.
Happy Webcomic Day! Read webcomics!
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Any of your ocs or COD character with a drag queen!reader
(In the sense that reader identifies as a man but is a drag queen)
I couldn't choose which character I wanted to do, so I did the entire 141 (Stone included).
Price goes to every single one of your drag shows and is a known regular at these shows. He will not mind if you and your drag queen friends want to come back to the house, in full drag queen makeup and clothes still, he'll happily host your friends. He's a supportive king, knowing each of your friends' names.
Ghost doesn't understand drag, not in the slightest, but he's still a supportive king as always. He practices referring to you by your drag queen name in the mirror, so he doesn't make the mistake of referring to you by your regular name in front of the other drag queens when he comes to your shows. He loves tipping your drag queen friends (because they slay each and every time) and he's a heavy tipper. He once got asked if he'd ever do drag and he said, "I wouldn't count it out, as long as I can still wear my skull mask."
Gaz loves drag and drag queens. I imagine you met this man at a drag show and I'm going to say he was also a drag queen. It's a way for him to escape the harsh reality of being a soldier, a way to relax and have fun without worrying about missions. You two do each other's make up, as nice little bonding experience. Sometimes, when he comes home unexpectedly from a deployment, he'll sit in the back of the audience in a drag show you're in and you always know he's there because he cheers the loudest for you afterwards.
Soap was definitely new to drag shows and drag queens when he first met you, but you know he'd totally get into it after a few dates of being with you. You help him with his drag queen persona and help him find out what he wants to do at drag shows to entertain the crowds. It's a great way to spend time together, but he definitely just goes to drag shows simply to support you sometimes. He's a heavy tipper like Ghost and I'm a firm believer at that.
Stone is the more reluctant out of the 141 to go to a drag show, not because he's judgmental, but because he's paranoid. Drag shows tend to draw a lot of crowd and that's a shit ton of people to be paranoid about. He does eventually go, simply because it'll make you so happy. He does sometimes scare the other patrons, because he's so tall and stoic. I can totally see you being able to convince him to also do drag, I mean he already wears dresses, he might as well take up drag as well. It's a great way for him to be more confident about his old battle scars.
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misc-obeyme · 23 hours
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Okay, this is very much specific to myself, but whatever 🫶 What would Barbatos think of an MC that is always dressed up. VERY dressed up. For instance; I'm going to school in a petticoat, two skirts, two shirts, and a full corset... that kind of dressed up.
Like, on one hand, I think he'd really enjoy it, but on the other, I feel like he'd be constantly worried. They're NEVER dressed for the weather, they're NEVER dressed for comfort, and what are they supposed to wear to formal events when they dress like this on the daily?
He'd probably grumble about it to a bit but ultimately still adore their style and offer to make them something for those formal events.
And on the other side of the spectrum, an MC who is never dressed up at all! I'm taking hoodies and sweatpants all the time.
I'm guessing he'd respect them for their choice of comfort over style but also want them to be just a tad more formal around Lord Diavolo.
Put em together and a typically fancy MC being casual only for Barbatos?
We got that phone call from Barbatos in either his most recent or second most recent card, where he's wearing casual clothing, and we get his reaction to MC's reaction. (I hope you know the call I'm talking about because I can not find it for the life of me)
He'd totally be touched to be one of the few MC is casual around!!
I'm almost embarrassed about my reaction that phone call. It's the one called "Out of Character Teatime" and it's from the UR+ Wind Spirits & Surprises, which is his anniversary UR card.
It's great no matter what dialogue option you choose, but there's one where he talks about how he's waiting for you just as himself and not as a butler. And THAT always makes me silly.
But he also ends that call by saying he'll receive you in whichever type of clothing you prefer. Which I found accurate but also funny. I mean, he's basically saying he'll dress formal or casual depending on your preference. And I'm over here like... what if my preference is that you wear whatever you want, huh???
But along those lines, he's all about MC doing whatever they're happiest doing. So I think he'd be happy no matter what style MC chose, as long as they're doing whatever makes them most comfortable.
I think he would absolutely appreciate an MC who dresses up a lot, though. He'd be happy to make them outfits any time and he probably loves to see them wearing something he made.
He would also make clothes for a casual MC. I kinda see him making all kinds of hoodies and such. He's versatile, you know?
And either way, I think he'd be worried about MC being dressed for the weather. Like he appreciates your dedication to style, but really it's going to be cold and you need to wear a jacket. Might also scold you about it if you do it too often or if you actually get sick because of it.
There's very much this secretive aspect of his character, but it's more than just him keeping epic plot-changing secrets. There's also him kinda hiding his true self, too. He plays the part of a butler, but that isn't what defines him. He's a butler, but more than that, he's a person. A being with feelings and needs and times when he isn't perfect. And I think if he was to encounter an MC who revealed that side of themselves to him, no matter how that manifests, he would feel loved and trusted. Just like he loves and trusts MC enough to let them see him in a casual state.
Here I go writing Barb essays again lol.
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desceros · 23 hours
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hello! so new writer here, I'm just starting out with writing x readers, but I'm having a bit of trouble. I saw in a previous post that when you are reading a fic marked x reader, you want it to actually be an x reader, and (as much as possible) not be an oc from the writer. And I agreed with that and want to try to make my reader self-insertable for everyone. the only problem is that I'm not sure how much I can have set opinions for them and have things up in the air. You've written a lot, so I was hoping you'd have some advice? If not that's totally fine. I appreciate you and your writing 🫶 hope you're having a good day!!
hmm well what i Specifically meant by that was when you have someone who has a fic that is written in the first person or third person with a named character who has a physical description, but they've tagged it as "reader-insert". to me, that's not a reader insert. that's an oc, and your fic is incorrectly tagged.
to me, a reader-insert fic is very specifically a fic in the second person without a name or physical description as much as possible. which isn't to say that oc fics are bad!! i write them myself in other fandoms. i just... don't really like reading oc fics for fandoms where my brain has decided This Is A Reader-Insert Fandom. Nod Nod.
so there is a delicate art to writing second-person fics with the intent of having it function as a reader-insert. the balance between giving enough flavor to have it be compelling vs so much that a reader can't comfortably put themselves in an insert-chan's shoes is actually a real passion of mine!! it's one that is kind of... something that you eventually get a Feel for after writing them for a while.
that said, here are some little tricks and whatnot so hopefully you can shortcut things a little. also, obvious warning since you're asking desceros dot com for writing advice, but this is a long post:
first, embrace the fact that you're going to exclude some people. no matter how bland and empty you make an insert-chan, you're going to exclude someone. and that's okay! if you try to cast Too wide a net, you're going to have a boring, bland insert-chan, and that's not going to make Anyone happy. still, there are a few things that i keep in mind since i want to appeal a broader audience: 1. try to be mindful of race coding, and avoid it. very specifically, describing hair (length, texture, care, etc.) and blushing or general discoloration of skin besides bruising are both something i avoid. i don't describe someone's night routine beyond, say, taking a shower, putting on lotion, and brushing teeth. this allows for black readers to more easily read your fics, which is something i'm particularly passionate about since i've had friends who feel excluded from the reader-insert community because they're black and that really makes me sad. 2. avoid describing favorite things, clothing, etc. little things that don't matter don't need to be described. does the reader need to know that your character is wearing a green sequin dress? or does it matter that they're wearing a pretty dress? 99 times out of 100, the latter suits the writing just fine and allows for a reader to picture what THEY think is a pretty dress. hell, unless i'm writing something that involves removing clothing, 9 times out of 10 i won't even mention what a reader is wearing, because it doesn't matter, and describing it gets in the way of someone's imagination. same thing with favorite foods, what someone is eating for breakfast. in symphony, viola-chan is famous for a baking cookies--but i don't specify what kind, and i won't. because my favorite cookie is different from someone else's, and the specifics don't matter. what matters is that they taste comforting, and everyone else likes them a lot, too. 3. avoid physical descriptions where possible. as i said before, i typically don't mention hair at all. instead of having someone run their hands through your hair, i have them stroke your nape. same basic touch, but one allows for short-haired readers or curly-haired readers to insert easily, one doesn't. i don't mention an insert-chan's size or height, other than a relative "you're shorter than donnie" or "leo's bicep is so much bigger than yours." i try to avoid weight-coding as much as possible so that fat readers can feel just as welcome as very skinny readers. that stuff just doesn't matter, and so cutting it out broadens how many people can read and feel represented.
4. keep unimportant details vague. for example, in a lot of my fics, the insert-chan has a family, but communication with them isn't mentioned. the status of the family or its makeup isn't important. a lot of writers will tell you to kill them off for convenience sake (which i do sometimes write inserts with dead families), but to me this is just lazy. you can have an insert-chan with a family. but instead of showing their relationship with the family, show how that relationship has shaped the insert-chan's personality. for example, in the latest fic i wrote, infinite singularity, the insert-chan's family is alive and well, but they're distant. not only does this mean, yay, i don't have to define what that family is--but it also allows me to show that piercing-chan avoids pain, emotional as well as physical. now i don't have to say you don't like pain. i can show it. and that always makes for more powerful writing.
so that's how you keep things broad. but there's a flip side to this, which is "how do i make an insert-chan compelling without any details?!" and the answer here is, well, add details!! which, hey, didn't we just say to eliminate details? to which i'd say, yes, Except for the Ones You Need.
1. give your insert-chan something they like to Do. whether this is a hobby or a career, this one has several functions in your story. one, it gives you something on which you can hinge characterization. for example, in my fic electromigration, that insert-chan likes camping. now i can have conversations about it, have an excuse for you to know how to do things camping-related, etc. it propels the plot forward. and two, it gives your insert-chan something interesting, which is the secret to a good character. you don't want to go too overboard on this, since again we don't want to overload the insert-chan with things that aren't helpful, but one, maybe two hobbies, or a job, makes them rounder and makes the fic more enjoyable to read.
2. give your insert-chan a personality dot dot dot carefully. now this one sounds weird. "don't i want to have a blank canvas onto which people can put themselves?" well, kind of, but really, no. that's how you get a bland character that's so boring no one wants to read your fics. and it doesn't even have to be a mild personality! in my fic goldilocks, that insert-chan has a Very strong personaity, such that i've even gotten requests for a chef-chan/reader fic. but because i've stripped away all of the other identifying things, it can still read as an insert-character without being an oc. that said, this is a tricky one. the more personality you give, the more people you alienate. but also, the less personality you give, the less interesting the fic. it's a delicate balance, and one you'll figure out eventually as you write more and read more.
3. give your insert-chan a story. this one is one that is more relevant for longer fics, but is still helpful to keep in mind for shorter fics. what i mean is, okay. you're writing a reader-insert. but for a moment, treat it like an oc. where did they come from? how did they get to new york? what personality arc do you want them to have over your plot? are they going to change, and if so, how? for this, let's look at my fic amaranthine. the history is vague enough that it doesn't impede a reader's imagination, but there are enough details that you Feel like there is a story that was happening before, and you've dropped in at this point to ride along with these people before you leave them to go on their way again. things like being best friends with raph after he found you drunkenly crying on the sidewalk. things like leo having known you and donnie were gonna be a mess when you got together. things like splinter always loving to drink tea with you. these are small details that make the world feel rich, but not so much that it's impossible for a reader to build their own narrative around it.
anyway, these are just some broad tips, and i hope you found them useful!! my main, tldr thing i'd say is just to write. it's going to take practice. writing in general is hard, writing something new is Really hard, writing something new and being picky about how you want it to come out is REALLY REALLY hard. so be kind to yourself, and remember that this is supposed to be fun. don't fret, don't get stressed, just take it cool. maybe write a few that you don't publish, just so you can get the voice under your fingers and take some of the pressure of Oh God People Are Going To Read This off your shoulders. i always do that when i enter a new fandom, and it's soooo helpful.
good luck, and let me know if you have any specific questions! :D
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not-so-rosyyy · 1 day
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"i'm sorry i just love seeing people be happy doing what they do"
i totally understand you because i am exactly like this 😭 most of the times i've never met the person in real life, and probably never will, but sheer happiness because they're doing what they were meant to be doing is enough for me to be all giddy inside lol
and now with tom, i feel totally happy and proud of him because he always seems to be a genuine good person, has an insane amount of talent (that it's still not recognized by everyone as it should be) and puts so much effort and dedication in his craft. he was born to be an entertainer and he's goddamn good at it!
so i'm always rooting for people's happiness and their dreams, basically lol 💛
OH, YOU REALLY GET ME, NONNY! <3 tom aside, i've always loved watching people find joy in the things they put their time and effort on. there is something so magical and hopeful about it. it's enviable, but it also inspires you to find that 'something' that would give you the same joy.
lastly, they may call you and i naive (i know because i've been called one before), but i genuinely do not know how to live on this earth not rooting for anybody's triumph, big or small, over this dreary life <3
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spacemonkeysalsa · 2 days
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Somebody (okay like a lot of people) said being attracted to a character makes it hard to be objective about them. So, for science (eh, for fun) I have interviewed a lesbian with nearly 3000 hours in Baldur's Gate 3 with questions about Astarion:
Q: Hi. I know you are a lesbian, but that doesn't preclude being attracted to Astarion, so let's also establish objectivity according to the experts. Are you attracted to Astarion at all?
A: No. It's kind of devastating to me because I love vampires. But apparently they do have to be lady vampires.
Q: Perfect. Have you ever tried to romance him anyway?
A: I started a couple of games with the intention of romancing him. It never worked out. I always end up with Shadowheart. Or Lae'zel.
Q: Do you like him, as a character?
A: Yeah. He's great.
Q: Ever kill him in any of your playthroughs?
A: Only to resurrect him, to see his lines. But I've never permanently killed him.
Q: Why not?
A: Because I like his story. I don't always enjoy talking to him about his story, because he's a bit much. But I want him to have that development and see it through. Be happy and free! Fuck Cazador. What a bitch.
Q: Is he an asshole?
A: Yes, but he's a lovable asshole. As much any of the others. Well, some of the others. Let's be fair.
Q: What's his alignment like?
A: I don't understand DnD alignment.
Q: For the record, have you played DnD?
A: Yes. I still don't get it. I have played for years now and this is all I know: lawful tends to equal "the worst in your group." There are exceptions though, like obviously I love Shadowheart, even though she starts off pretty strictly obeying Sharran dogma. Chaotic means "fun." Most party members in any given campaign say they are one thing but then act as true neutrals. And if you participate in a torture session with a DM controlled NPC and you forget to ask any questions, then your alignment will get shifted mid campaign. I learned that recently.
Q: I have no comment on that besides that maybe you should have listened to the bard in your party telling you this was stupid and pointless?
A: I wasn't running the torture session, I just held her still! I'm an accessory. I'm a barbarian, I can't be expected to think shit through or pay any attention to you when you speak.
Q: ...So can Astarion fall in love?
A: He's perfectly capable of that.
Q: If you had to guess his sperm count...?
A: Why would anyone ever care about that? Even if he were a real person? Why would anyone give a shit? Is this really a talking point? Fuck. I hate you guys. Just play the game.
Q: Whose your favorite companion?
A: Shadowheart.
Q: Tell me what you like about her?
A: The process of getting to know her, delving underneath that shell of secrets. She's so strong and sweet even through she can't easily show it right away because of all the bullshit she's been taught. In early access, when I couldn't get her out of the pod, either because that wasn't an option in the game yet, or I was too stupid, I've never figured it out, I was devastated. I didn't even know her yet, but I was so in love from the very beginning.
Q: Aww, that's really nice. What character do you think you are most like?
A: Karlach and Lae'zel. Maybe more Karlach, but definitely both. Not that Karlach isn't great, but I wish I was more like Lae'zel.
Q: And I should probably end on an Astarion question again since that was kind of the point. What about him do you find relatable, assuming that's anything?
A: I totally relate to wanting to put up a front to protect yourself. Can't relate to the method at all but the motivation is solid. Also, even though I have never romanced him, I have seen his DTR dialogue, and I really love it. I love how honest he is about his feelings. It's not romantic to be uncertain, but he doesn't care about that anymore, because he's just being totally transparent. It might seem weird that I would say that while being down bad for the least transparent character in the game, but that's a trait I personally value in myself more than a partner. Don't get me wrong, it would be nice, but for me I really try to be honest about what I am feeling. You can't DTR with Shadowheart really, the equivalent would be the stupid "you've never been in a relationship like this have you?" dialogue option which is never what I would say irl, but it's all I get in the game, and I think she's telling the truth when you have that conversation. With Astarion, it's so obvious. He's so obvious. I'm like that. I think it's very cool that you see that development in him, going from lying to survive to just being totally readable. Whether you're romancing him or not, by act three you know exactly what he's really about. Or if you don't, you haven't been talking to him, or like failed all your insight checks or something.
Q: Thanks! You were great. Anything to add?
A: Shadowzel forever.
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girlfox · 9 hours
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What people make you happy when you see them on the dash?
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❛ 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓 , : a series of questions for the mun / the person behind the muse(s) .
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OOOOH BOY. okay, is this my chance to love on some of my favorite oomfies? because i am so going to send love their way. keep in mind that everyone i follow brings me a measure of joy; if they didn't, we wouldn't be mutuals! but i'll gush about a couple people i know ooc, as well. just because i wanna spread some love.
@nihilara ( & their other blogs ) brings me legitimately so much joy, i get so excited whenever i see them on my dash. their drawings and rambles and fun interactions with others . . they're amazing. i can't speak enough good things about rhys.
@otlaw is one of my closest friends on here, too, and they're such a pillar of love and support and fun and, i just get like a puppy dog with my tail wagging when they're being active or when they follow me on their 100th new blog HAHAHA. love u leif.
@krosakis YOU DUH? dan you've been one of my favorite oomfies for an ice age at this point. i don't even know what my dash looks like without you on it . . . and i don't wanna know. having you around just feels right, like my dash is complete.
@diveyne because sabrina has been a very long time friend at this point, and has always been supportive and hyped me up like the beautiful goth princess they are. MWWWAH. their writing is also captivating and i just love it whenever it pops up on my feed.
@youthblooms and ALL of their blogs. whenever they pop up, i'm like a goldfish doing a lil happy jump out of my fish bowl bc i just know i'm about to be FED. everything they write is amazing, and i also just love their characters and them as a person in general. nams is the BEST.
@furiaei is a recent friend, but we connected pretty deeply right away and honestly i just adore their enthusiasm and drive for their character. they're also an incredibly kind person, and i'm so glad i met them.
@dvouer because while we're still getting to know each other ooc, they've been relentlessly kind and warm to me, and before we ever even spoke out of character, i've love love loved their original character venus; both them and kiwi are just absolute dolls.
@oriphical is a long time friend at this point too, i just adore bun & its infinite patience with my slow ass replies to dms. pleading emoji @ it right now. but its xiv oc and honestly every other character it writes is always beautifully done, filled with passion, and just so interesting and complex and well thought out. it's also just a very very very kind and fun individual.
@sivrit niran is THE BOMBBBBB. i love every single character he churns out, whether it's the immense love put into the lore and development of their originals, or the total passion put into writing a canon character. he's also just so kind and warm and fun to talk to, and seeing him on my dash makes me so happy.
@eatdivines EDITING THIS BECAUSE HOW DID I NOT ADD IN VAL? my brain is scrambled eggs. but seriously. i love valentine so fucking much it's not even funny; they're adorable, they're kind, they're compassionate, they're sweet and thoughtful. they also have wait more of a back bone than i ever will, and they're someone who will always have your back no matter what. for these reasons alone i love seeing val on my dash. but also? i am enthralled with their writing on ahri and in the past, kagome. their takes are so unique and interesting and god i'm living for it.
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oneluckydragon · 9 months
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BREAKING NEWS!!! Local idiot ghost absolutely blown away when boyfriend gives him a nickname for the first time, more info after this broadcast.
Bonus pet-name edition:
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(Yeah I know it's ooc for grovyle to EVER use the term "babe" but lets go ahead and assume he's done it accidentally a few times rather than intentionally. He's deeply in love with the dumb ghostman, ok. Sometimes it just slips out.)
Dusknoir is still recovering from hearing it. And when he finally calls grovyle "love" himself on accident a few days later, he falls deathly ill for two weeks cause his body couldn't handle the aftermath and started rapidly shutting down on a molecular level.
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viperwhispered · 13 days
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Too Little
Part three of Jamil (not) dealing with feels here we go. Jamil x reader, Jamil’s pov Previous parts: part one, part two
This was stupid.
Here he was, rolling around in bed, unable to sleep because thoughts of you filled his mind.
It had been futile of Jamil to think that he could simply brush your presence aside, that he could treat you like just another schoolmate and not let you consume his mind. 
Not when every quiet moment had him reach for his phone in hopes of a new message from you.
Not when you kept on finding new ways to make his heart skip a beat every time he saw you.
Not when he missed you more acutely every time you weren’t there.
So, despite his best efforts, his mind treaded those same paths, time and again, occupied by all the parts of you. Your expressions, your mannerisms, your words, every single detail committed to his memory and played over and over.
He suspected that at this point he’d be able to recreate most of your expressions just from memory. Your voice, too, playing so clearly in his mind.
Not to even mention those oh so tantalizing what ifs, supplying him with even sweeter temptations than the confines of reality and memory could provide.
What it would feel like to touch you, to hold you, to kiss you, to-
No. No no no. He would not go there.
Jamil could feel the heat burning in his cheeks and he rolled over, groaning into his pillow.
This was ridiculous. Absolutely preposterous.
Yet, there was no getting out of it.
He wanted you.
He wanted more of you, so much more than what he had.
Because each taste of you left him craving more, each glimpse made him want to uncover everything there was to you.
Even the parts you might consider ugly, as sappy as that was.
What kind of people did you like, anyway?
Charming? Intelligent? Funny?
Rich and influential? 
Did you even like guys? Or relationships in general?
Just the thought - relationship - made Jamil's cheeks burn even brighter, made his legs twitch under the covers.
Yet, somehow, it did not sound so bad.
To have you.
To be yours.
To know and be known.
He huffed and turned over onto his back.
As if his duties left room for something for himself, left enough of him to share with someone like that.
And would you like what you saw in him, anyway?
Yet, his excuses were beginning to sound more and more hollow.
After all, he was nothing if not resourceful, and so far you’d shown no signs of shying away, even as you dug your way deeper.
Jamil stared at the canopy over his bed with unseeing eyes.
He’d have to do something about this.
Because if he didn’t, he might just lose his mind.
But was the alternative any better? Could he even handle it? The full force of you, if - and it was a big if - you were to accept him.
Even now, when you looked at him in that particular way of yours… He never could hold your eyes for long when that happened. The softness and the warmth he saw were far too overwhelming, always forcing him to turn away lest he made a complete fool of himself.
If he were to have that, with the full force of affection intention behind it… How could he even bear it?
Like the other day… You’d found Jamil in the middle of his chores and dragged him away, his to-do list crumbling when you grabbed his hand and led him outside.
He was all too aware of how his protests had been half-hearted at best. How your sudden appearance, your touch had shut down every sensible part of him, leaving him unpleasantly raw.
And by the time he’d gathered himself, nearly convinced himself he had other things he should be doing instead, you were sharing ice creams outside Sam’s, to celebrate the first warm day of the year.
As if it wasn’t warm in Scarabia year round.
As if he hadn’t been too preoccupied by your happiness and enthusiasm to bring himself to heel.
Sometimes, it was all he could do not to be swept away by you, barely keeping his head above the surface.
So, what choice did he have but to act?
You’d made a home in his heart already, whether he asked for it or not.
All he could do was take control of what he could.
Oh dear I'm starting to get tempted to write this from the reader's pov as well. Or maybe I'll just have to ramble about the thought process behind this at some point to get that out of my system. I also considered going to a more horny direction with this but decided to go with this kind of yearning in the end. But, if the horny version is of interest for y'all, maybe I can do that as an alternative / supplementary thing to this series, or some sort of a standalone at some point. Hope y'all enjoyed! One or two more parts are still to come. Tag list: @colliope @crystallizsch @diodellet @jamilsimpno69 @jamilvapologist @mazapanmiau @perilous-pasta @twstgo If you'd like to be tagged for any future works, do let me know! Also feel free to specify if you only want tags for particular kinds of works (like sfw/nsfw for example).
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There's a small moment in the Hunter x Hunter 2011 anime that I thought was pretty cute. It's close to the beginning, during the Hunter Exam, when they're looking for pigs in the forest. Gon slides down a hill, and Killua follows him, only for him to crash because Gon had stopped at the bottom of the hill. This scene!
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It's one of those rare little bits added by an adaptation that really add to the characters - because yeah, this was not in the manga.
I find this anime is really good at adding little moments that either
are just cute or endearing
are fun extra interactions that show off the character dynamics more
actually highlight something about the characters in question
This one, I feel, does all three. First of all, I just love seeing Killua a bit more involved in their group before the eventual reveal of "he just wanted to be friends". It's really sweet.
But mostly, I think it's interesting that Killua assumed Gon was just messing around, when Gon was actually focusing his efforts on beating the challenge. Because, sure, Killua finds Gon somewhat intriguing, and he really wants to stick around him due to his desire for a friend - but Killua still sees himself as a class above pretty much everyone else there, and also as an assassin in a category so firmly removed from "regular kid".
So, Killua totally misreads Gon here. He assumes Gon is just doing a regular kid thing and attempts to mimic it so he can join in. It doesn't actually occur to him that Gon was tracking the pigs, or focusing on the task at hand.
It's a far cry from later on, where Killua and Gon are primarily a team effort - in sync, aware of the others' strengths, and taking each other quite seriously.
And part of it, of course, is that they just don't know each other very well at this point. But I think another thing is that Killua, during most of the Hunter Exam, is more invested in what Gon represents than who he is, necessarily.
His first friend represents rebellion against his family, childish enjoyment, and the desire for connection and understanding that he is not receiving. And even though, as time goes on, he grows more and more impressed with Gon, I really don't think it fully clicked that he wanted that friend he wished for to be specifically Gon until he was confronted by Illumi.
I also think Killua takes Gon a lot more seriously after the fight with Hanzo, and especially after Gon went all the way to the Zoldyck estate to save him. Before the Hanzo fight, Killua was outright irritated by Gon being ranked higher than him overall, and was even a little bitter at the beginning of the fight ("I could've dodged that easily" comes to mind).
By Heavens Arena, I feel they both have a much firmer grasp on, and appreciation for, who the other is as a person. Killua is more consciously aware of his investment in Gon as an individual rather than an abstract, and Gon is aware of Killua's crappy upbringing and is quick to be very supportive of him as he figures things out for himself.
During the Hunter Exam though, a lot of the interactions between them feel a lot like Killua is either mimicking or acting out "regular kid" behaviours, either because that's what he thinks Gon is already doing, or he wants to see if Gon will respond in kind.
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Aaaaand... he does. :)
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So, while they do not have what I feel is a true depth of bond here yet, the foundation is already being laid down for their powerful friendship - Gon and Killua both show an immediate willingness and enjoyment to go along with what the other wants to do and to try out what the other is good at, and they wind up having a whole lot of fun together right off the bat.
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omaano · 5 months
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Art Summary of 2023
I kind of wish I had taken this thing to the next level and used a picture with a clone in it for March and November as well (I looked it up now, I very much could have added my Fives portrait or that first pinup-y illustration of Rex for March, and a very cute drawing of a clone OC and his dog (of whom I am promised to get partial custody, and how cool is that really?? and I am so very excited to show him off next year!!)) but it was also the year of Din in big hats as well, so I let those pieces stay :) You'll just have to take my word that there is a Rex in the July picture too.
I feel ike I have learned so much, and also have grown a lot more confident in my skills as an artist; I've learned that I love drawing backgrounds to make a "full" illustration, that intricate little details fascinate me to no end, that I can do fun things with lineart and my version of cell shading but I also miss dedicating the time to a full painting; and that harsh/stronger light reflecting off of darker skin is still something I'll have to study further next year.
Thank you everyone for your continued support in 2023! I have so many kind and enthusiastic tags screenshotted and saved for the days when I inevitably doubt what I do, it means so so much to me! I'm very grateful for the old and new friends I'd made or reconnected with this year ❤️❤️❤️ - and hello to new followers too, I hope you'll keep enjoying what I do here ❤️
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seriously starting to get annoyed by people equating sad and tragic endings with meaningfulness. happy and/or hopeful endings don’t mean less. they’re not silly or less impactful. i'm just really tired of people telling me that the tragic ending is more romantic or beautiful or interesting or that the main character needs to "learn" something from the loss of a loved one.
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wheredidalltheusersgo · 5 months
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Here's the reference for "The Aftershow" Alejandro's body with and without the shapewear
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